#like the only thing about my perception of jean that changed

[that-vampire-loser]

I NEED TO KNOW WHEN JEANS BIRTHDAY IS

[jamespotterismydaddy]

Picnic on the Beach

virgin!luke x reader

A/N: feel free to chat with me in the asks about characters even if requests are closed!

WARNINGS: SMUT!!, cockwarming, sub luke... until he's not

WORD COUNT: 816 words

Luke is a virgin and he so desperately doesn’t want you to know it. You’re so experienced and confident, while he’s confident in everything he does, except for talking to you. At least he can comfort himself with the fact that you have every guy at camp drooling over you but still chose him. 

“You’re liking it then?” He asks as you take a bite of a chocolate covered strawberry, the drip of juice running down your chin making him gulp.

“Of course I do! What girl doesn’t like a picnic by the beach?” You ask him back with a giggle. It isn’t at all unnoticed by you how secluded this part of the beach is. You think that he must have chosen intentionally… you have been dating for a while now.

“I just wanted to make sure it was the perfect day.” He says, wiping the drip of juice from your chin with his thumb. It’s now your turn to be flustered.

“Are you trying to get lucky, Castellan?” Your wording makes him frown.

“A girl like you isn’t just for ‘getting lucky’. I want to give all my love to you.” 

He leans in with renewed courage and you feel his lips press against your neck. He may be a virgin but he’s perceptive. He knows what his girl likes.

“Mmm that feels nice.” You whine out, one hand moving slowly up his thigh. He inhales sharply when he feels you start to palm him through his jeans. “Is that okay?” You ask due to the way he tenses up.

“Y-Yeah… sorry. I’m just uh focusing.” He attempts to explain, trying not to cum instantly when he notices you biting your lip at the sight of the rising tent in his trousers.

“Don’t be sorry.” You say sweetly, taking your time to give him a lingering kiss on the lips.

“You’re just so beautiful. I’d never want to disappoint you.” Your brows furrow when he says it.

“I know it’s your first time but you could never disappoint me.” You say tenderly.

“First time?” His face drops a little. “I didn’t think you knew.” He says with flushed cheeks.

“You did run off with very urgent ‘business’ to attend to halfway through our first makeout sesh.” 

He cringes. “I thought it was a bit more believable than that.”

“I’m afraid not.” You peck one of his red cheeks. “I’m glad you want it to be with me though.”

“I’m glad it gets to be with you.”

You smile and pull him in for another sweet kiss as you unzip his jeans. He’s completely rock hard from only a few gentle touches. To make him more comfortable, you take off your shirt, making yourself equally as undressed. He’s seen you shirtless before but his eyes still light up with pleasure anyhow.

“Are you ready?” You ask, quickly receiving an eager nod from him.

“Yeah.”

You peck his lips once more and situate yourself in his lap, pushing your panties to the side so you can sink down on his long cock.

“Oh gods.” He murmurs as he feels your wet heat around him. Nothing can compare.

“You like that, Lukey?” You tease as you start to rise up and down on him.

“Mhm…” Is all he can get out as his eyes roll back a bit, his hands gripping so firmly to your waist.

You take your time riding him, going excruciatingly slow so that he has to watch each inch of his dick getting pulled in and out of you.

“You’re being mean.” He whines, needing so desperately for you to move faster.

“Aww poor baby.” You tease with a mocking pout before stopping your movement entirely so that you cockwarm him.

He juts his hips up and tries to move you as he holds your waist but you slap his hands off. That very much changes his perspective on things because before you know it, Luke is flipping you onto your back and pounding himself into you. He is no longer patient.

“Oh fuck, Luke!” You moan out, very surprised by the change of events as his hips slam against yours.

“Such a little tease.” He murmurs, thrusting in and out of you harder and harder as he starts to rub your clit.

“Mmm i’m sorry…” You mewl, squirming under him.

“Who’s the whiny baby now?” He teases, rubbing your clit harder, inching you closer and closer to your peak.

His hips start to stutter and his pace slows as you finally start squeezing around him. All he can do is groan and sheath himself fully as he creams inside of you. He could never have lasted a second more with your pussy fluttering and trapping his cock.

He collapses on top of you, feeling fully spent as he rests his head on your chest.

“And someone thought he was going to disappoint.”

taglists (comment to be added): General: @valeskafics @urmomsgirlfriend1 @girlwith-thepearlearring @darylandbethfanforever9 @lovellies @juhdoche @papichulo120627 @watercolorskyy @ophelialaufey @aerangi @ravenclawprincess33

Luke Castellan: @amortencjja @urmomsbananabread @kissingyourgrl @vikimontethegirlblogger @maryann2013 @stark-head @remussbitch @ever8ea @batmandabest @jennapancake @junos-web @tanifsblog @stupidtween  @10ava01

[visionandthebeast]

Honey, Honey (How he thrills me)

@bucktommypositivityweek round 2, day 1: make your own season 8 opening disaster. Read on ao3.

“How are you still so chipper?” Tommy groaned, trying not to rub any of his bee stings as Evan paused his chatter about every bee fact he had ever memorized in his life to unlock the door to his loft.

“Well, it’s not every day you find yourself facing off against a Bee-nado,” Evan tossed a grin over his shoulder as the door swung open. Lucky bastard only got stung once: on the chin.

"That was not a 'Bee-nado', Evan," Tommy griped as he dropped his bad next to the stairs, "It was a giant swarm. You would need an actual tornado for a bee-nado, and I'm pretty sure the winds would have killed the poor things".

Evan pulled a pair of beers out of the fridge, handing one to Tommy as they settled onto the stools by the island.

"Bee's are pretty good at surviving natural disasters. Though I think a lot of that is how they build their hives." Evan picked at the label on his bottle for a moment, thinking. "I wonder how protected artificial hives are. They're out in the open, right? if a heavy storm or tornado hits…"

"Maybe they have their own storm shelter. Beekeepers are pretty protective of their swarms." Tommy traded an amused grin with Evan, remembering the apiarist practically screaming at them when they recommended more permanent solutions to the giant swarm. Like flamethrowers.

"More likely they just don't have a lot of beekeepers in tornado alley."

"Oh, but imagine if they did. They could get some real bee-nados going," The playful glare Evan shot him at that looked so much like a disgruntled puppy Tommy just had to kiss him. No choice. Would have been a crime not to.

Unfortunately it had been a pretty long day, and the kiss was interrupted by Evan yawning.

"Mmmm. Maybe we should lie down." Evan murmured, resting his head on Tommy's shoulder.

Tommy held Evan for a few moments more, before pulling back, giving him one last peck on the lips.

"Go on, get yourself ready for bed. I'll be right up."

Evan made his way slowly up the stars to his bed. Exhaustion visible in the way he moved, the long day catching up to him now they were home safe. Picking up the beer bottles Tommy quickly dropped them in the recycling before grabbing his sleep shorts and a singlet out of his bag to change into.

Carefully folding his shirts and jeans, leaving them and his shoes downstairs, Tommy following his boyfriend to bed. Climbing underneath the covers he pulled Evan flush against himself, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck.

"Did you know bees actually have four wings? and five eyes." It took Tommy a moment to register the claim, the image conjured in his mind by Evan's words was pretty ridiculous.

"I'm going to need some details on that one, Evan. because what I'm picturing right now does not look like a bee."

"Well, the wings on each side hook together, so they look like one big wing. And the three middle eyes are a lot smaller than the compound eyes. I guess they're for depth perception? I didn't actually look that up."

"I can't believe you know so much about bees. I can't believe there's so much to know about bees." Tommy wondered in amazement.

"I think I'm all out now," Evan chuckled, wrapping his legs around Tommy's. "Apparently repeated bee stings can give you an allergy, even if you didn't have one before. We should probably avoid bees as much as possible from now on."

"Evan, If I see a bee again I'm running in the opposite direction. Allergy or no." Tommy snaked his arms beneath Evan's shirt, gently squeezing his belly. A sly grin bloomed on his face as Tommy thought of something. "I don't think I heard any facts about honey, just the bees themselves."

"Honey is an antibacterial," Evan shot off immediately, "Its used to treat minor burns even today."

"Hmm, I know my Honey is good for stopping burns," Tommy pressed another kiss to Evan's neck.

"Are you going to give me a compliment with every fun fact?" Evan asked.

"Until we fall asleep. Yeah." Curled up against his Evan's warm back, legs entwined and arms wrapped around his boyfriend's tummy, listening to him talk about bees and honey. Tommy couldn't think of a more peaceful place to be.

[avianconcept]

Lucas Johnson, and why he was one of my favorites in TSC.

I see a lot of people hating on him for his reactions + actions towards Jean in TSC, which is fine! Everyone’s allowed to not like characters, and we’re all on Jean’s side! Lucas enabled a really traumatizing and dangerous situation. But I keep seeing these posts referring to him as an asshole who Jean should have revenge of some sort on, and I’m like ??? 

I thought Lucas had one of the most interesting arcs in TSC, and tied in really well with one of the central messages of the story. I think he’s a character who is in a lot of distress that he is unprepared to handle, and is still seeking the painful truth. Yes he was a dick to Jean several times, but I don’t think this makes him an Evil Antagonist or a little shit or whatever else he is referred to as. I found Lucas and Jean’s plotline to be one of the most compelling in the whole book. It made me think about how much knowing the truth matters, even if it can’t change the scenario. This is going to be a long and unstructured mess that is sort of about Lucas, sort of about the Ravens vs Trojans, sort of about themes. I apologize in advance, but this has been kicking around in my brain since I finished TSC the day it came out. 

I’m going to start with the straightforward bit: why I personally think Lucas is over-hated, and why I liked him. 

I think most of it comes from the fact that we as readers forget that not all characters are operating with the same information and perspective that we are. Our perception of the situation is informed by Jean’s POV– in a lot of ways, his perception is ours. So we have known from pretty much minute one that Jean isn’t an asshole, that the rumors about him aren’t true, and that Grayson is a serial rapist. So when we see Lucas not believing Jean, questioning him or calling him a whore, we see it the way Jean sees it: a nosy, rude, foolish man who is going out of his way to make Jean’s and his own life difficult unnecessarily. 

But when you think about it from Lucas’ POV, remembering that Lucas does not know the things we know about Jean and Grayson, Lucas’ actions make a lot more sense. 

Imagine, for a moment, that you have an older brother. You grew up together, you played the same sport, you loved him. And then he leaves, and goes no contact out of the blue. You try and try and you can’t get a hold of him, even when you join a college team yourself. But then one day, after his team falls apart, he comes home. He comes home angry and wrong and you can barely recognize him.The only way you can get him to engage with you is about this ex teammate of his. He gets angry, attacks you, hits you until you lose teeth. The rest of his team is being put in inpatient care in psych hospitals. You’re not sure whats wrong with him, only that this is not the brother you loved– there is something very wrong with him, and the only thing he’ll talk about is Jean Moreau. 

I feel like when we see it this way, it isn’t hard to get why Lucas came out so hostile when he met Jean. Jean was already surrounded by this (false, unfair) media perception, and then Grayson talks about how much he hates him. When you bear in mind that Lucas has known Grayson his whole life (minus the last four or so years), and Jean for about two minutes– it doesn’t surprise me that he does not immediately take Jean’s side. I’d even go so far as to say that it would make no sense if he did. ESPECIALLY when from Lucas’ POV, Jean starts saying all of this horrible (true) shit about Grayson, which has got to be a sore spot for Lucas atm. Because Lucas doesn’t understand that 

Sidebar: I don’t say any of this to blame Jean, or say that Lucas is without flaw– I say it because it’s a really well written conflict. In both characters' heads, they’re each making perfect sense. It’s irritating to me in books when the author has thrown in a conflict for drama only, by making two characters hate each other for no reason. This situation is really compelling to read about for this reason. 

I’ve seen a few of takes along the lines of, “How dare Lucas keep pushing Jean for answers/bring Grayson to the Gold Court/not believe Jean when Jean is CLEARLY traumatized.” And I get it– it was painful and frustrating to see him not understand. But also I think we as longtime lovers of AFTG have had ten-ish years to get used to the Foxes, and their understanding of trauma. For them, the parts of trauma that are triggers and erratic behavior and strange boundaries are navigated almost instinctively because it is all of their lived experience. They all (mostly) learned the language of when to push and when to back off because they have areas themselves that they don’t want to be asked about. Though they don’t use therapy speak, and though the way they deal with it often ranges from unorthodox to downright problematic, they have an understanding of the weight of what they’re working around. 

Lucas Johnson does not come from this world. He does not have this understanding– it is likely that the first time he was afraid in his own house was when Grayson came home. Now, compared to how gently and tactfully some of the other Trojans handle Jean, like Jeremy, Cat, and Laila, or even Cody and Xavier knowing to back off about Jean’s scars; Lucas isn’t doing so great. He could have been better. There are a few things to consider though. 

One: None of Jeremy, Cat, Laila, Cody or Xavier have as much of a personal stake in this situation as Lucas does. For them, it's an issue between two teammates, not the brother they’re slowly realizing they don’t know anymore. 

Two: There’s been two instances of drama mentioned, one being whatever Cat’s freshman year drama was, and two being whatever Jeremy’s banquet situation is. So the floozies might actually have a little more of a clue about how to deal with difficult situations. 

Three: Lucas is also undergoing trauma. He had the shit beat out of him by the brother he so desperately wanted back. He’s realizing the brother he loved may actually be dead. That is traumatic and painful and does not make someone act like their best self. 

All of this to say– he goes about the situation in a really indelicate, inexperienced way, makes some really bad judgment calls, and I think that makes a ton of sense! 

ANYWAYS. God. 

The reason I think Lucas ties in really well with one of the main messages of TSC is how he reacts as he finds out more and more about Grayson. In his final conversation with Jean, he is grieving, afraid, and in shock, but he is willing to accept that Grayson is not the man he knew anymore– that Grayson turned into something horrific. 

Lucas, upon realizing this new information, doesn’t cling onto his old world view. He doesn’t try to find ways to spin it to keep his brother in the right and Jean in the wrong. He faces the evidence in front of him, and makes an effort to realign his perspective with what he now understands the truth to be. Put a pin in that for a second. 

One of the messages of TSC seems to be that to look away when you know something malignant is going on is an act of violence. 

Jeremy is the one who outright says it, I will not look away, but that sentiment is echoed in the actions of so many characters. Cat and Laila’s continued rejection of Jean’s scrimmages excuse for his injuries. Neil looking for more than a second at the state Jean was in after Grayson’s attack and realizing something was wrong. Lisinski not brushing off Jean’s reaction to the water and banning him from swimming, to keep him from doing it anyway. Xavier, Cat and Cody’s reactions to Jean's scars. Over and over again we see people refuse to look away. 

Think about the Nest, about the sexual assaults Jean’s freshman year. The backliners who assaulted him all knew Riko put them up to it, but none of them ever said it outright. This implies that everyone outside of the backline doesn’t know. Jean caused a stir because of his age and how quickly he changed partners– which means the Ravens knew he was sixteen. The Ravens, though they are psychologically screwed now, came from normal lives. Even though they didn’t know about Riko’s involvement, at least a few likely understood the concept of statutory rape. We know Thea at least saw what was going on, we know Zane KNEW about the assaults, Kevin apparently understands ‘half the truth’; either way, at a certain point, metaphorically or literally, they all turned away from the truth. 

This extends to Riko’s abuse of Jean and Kevin, too. Jean mentions that he and Kevin went to great lengths to hide what Riko was doing to them from the Ravens. But, given the level of forced proximity on the team, I think that even with these layers of secrets, it isn’t insane to think that the Ravens likely saw clues. They apparently knew Riko was violent. They know Tetsuji is, so really, how big of a stretch would it be? In Lazarus, Renee notices that Zane sounds hesitant when he says that Jean was with Riko, which implies that he does have a clue what's going on in that sense.

I don’t say all of this under the impression that the Ravens could have stood up to Riko or Tetsuji, or put a stop to much of it. I say this to point out the significance of the truth, and acknowledging or avoiding it. 

The point is– for these lies to work, for the story to hold, everyone around them had to reach a point of Looking Away. 

Looking away from someone in distress and accepting the simple narrative is easy, but the right thing is always to not look away. To keep looking until you see the whole picture, because the person you’re looking at is worth it. Even if it can change nothing, the truth matters.

To me, Lucas does this! When you think about it from his POV, he has SO MUCH MORE of a reason to believe Grayson. He was a reason to want Grayson’s version to be true. If Grayson is telling the truth, then Jean is a whore and an asshole and maybe, just maybe, Lucas can still have his brother back. Sure, Grayson’s hurt him, but that could just be stress and Raven related trauma. Not acknowledging that Grayson has crossed irredeemable lines leaves the door open for Lucas to keep the version of his brother that he dearly loves and misses. It would be easier for him to double down, to deny and defend. To buy the easy, common story  And yet he doesn’t. He questions and starts to see his brother differently- he BELIEVES that his brother could be different than the man who left four years ago. He does not blind himself to the things he's seeing and hearing in favor of holding onto some false, memory version of Grayson. To me, that takes an immense strength of character, and a commitment to what is right.  And that is why Lucas was one of my favorite

[chiffxna]

A Love Too Dark (02)

The Marquis Vincent de Gramont x Reader

Chapter 02: Chaos and Risks

WARNING: THIS IS A DARK FIC.

This story will contain 18+ mature themes, dark romance, toxic behaviour, blood, violence, stalking, manipulation, a lot of smut, dubious consent, non-consensual content, yandere Marquis de Gramont, power play, and power imbalance, obsession, dark Marquis de Gramont, and abuse of power. The list will be added more as the story progresses. Minors, don't read.

Story Masterlist

PREV : Chapter 01

NEXT : Chapter 03

Several hours later, Yn finished her shift and she immediately changed her clothes, ending up with a long trench coat and a casual white T-shirt and jeans underneath. Just as she was about to leave the staff's changing room, she chanced upon Emily and the latter was quick to pull her back into the room to hear some tea. The two of them finally got the chance to talk since they were so preoccupied with their job in the casino.

"Yn! You better tell me exactly what happened with the Marquis!" exclaimed Emily with her eyes wide, glimmering with great curiosity to know more.

Yn chuckled, finding it humorous to see her close friend being this excited about some drama. Instead of answering, she asked, "Have you seen Mr. Malone?"

"Oh, he was looking over the result of the renovation. You know, the big renovation that made this casino shut down for a few hours yesterday," replied Emily. Then she hit Yn lightly on the arm and reprimanded her playfully, "Don't ignore my question! Tell me what happened!"

Yn sighed, knowing that the latter would not let her escape so easily. So she relented and apprised her of what had transpired in the VIP room.

"No way!" vociferated Emily, "That fuckwad is our boss now?!"

"He is our boss now," confirmed Yn.

Emily crossed her arms, looking displeased, "Damn, I don't like that. He sounds like a major asshole for what he said about Amy."

Yn nodded in agreement, "I know. But we can't do anything about it now that the deal is done."

"Yeah but it's a hard pill to swallow," Emily let out a sigh before she gave a burning stare at Yn and asked solemnly, "But... Did he say anything to you?"

Yn stayed quiet and Emily noticed it in an instant. The former did not tell her a single thing about her interaction with the Marquis. She felt embarrassed about what had occurred. She didn't want anyone to know about it. She wanted nothing more than to erase the memory of such a conversation and pretend like it never happened.

Emily could sense that there was something off with Yn's demeanor. She nudged her friend with her elbow and asked softly, "Come on, Yn. You can tell me. What did he do?"

Yn hesitated for a moment before murmuring, "He just…"

Emily was sitting next to Yn, her eyes focused and kind, as she waited for her friend to find the courage to share. The staff's changing room was empty, illuminated only by very few ceiling lamps, casting faint shadows on the walls. There was an air of calm in the quiet space, the only sound being their steady breathing.

After a quick consideration, Yn believed that it would be better not to tell anyone about the eerie interaction she had with the Marquis. She put on a fake smile and shook her head as if pretending that there was nothing to worry about. She then said, "It was nothing, really. All he asked was about the art I gave to Mr. Malone. That's all."

Emily's suspicion didn't wane as she looked at Yn intently. She knew her friend was hiding something but she decided not to push it any further. Instead, she stood up and patted Yn on the back reassuringly.

"Well, I hope that's all it was. Just be careful around him, okay?" Emily said with concern etched on her face.

Yn nodded, feeling grateful for her friend's concern and also for not pushing the subject more. She knew Emily long enough to know that she had a keen perception. But fortunately, she didn't persist and Yn was thankful for that.

"You just finished your shift, right?" asked Emily.

"Yeah, I have to go right now," answered Yn, "I'm worried about my sister at home."

"Oh yeah, you should go on ahead," said Emily, "Say hi to Sydney for me."

"Sure! See you next time, Em!"

As Yn stepped out of the staff's changing room, she felt a sense of relief for not having to disclose to someone about her odd interaction with the Frenchman. Plus, she didn't want to think about her interaction with the Marquis anymore. She just wanted to go home, take a hot shower, and forget about the day's events.

Yn managed to catch the last bus to her apartment, her mind still preoccupied with the events of the day. As she stepped off the bus, she saw her apartment building standing tall and proud in front of her. The building was old and had seen better days, but it was home, and it was where she felt the safest.

She walked up to her apartment and unlocked the door, stepping inside to be greeted by her cat who immediately leaped off of the couch and rushed towards her.

"Rosie!" Yn called for her in a sweet, high-pitched tone, "Where's Sydney?"

The cat reached her and brushed her own body against Yn's leg. She then gazed up at her owner and meowed at her for so long as if reprimanding her for being late.

Without warning, someone appeared in the corridor and walked toward Yn. It was Barbara, a middle-aged woman who was a cousin to Yn and often watched over Sydney when Yn wasn't available.

"Hey, how's your night?" queried Barbara with a grin.

"It was just okay," answered Yn, suddenly remembering the Marquis again when she was asked that. She shook her head, trying to dispel the image in her head, as she spoke, "By the way, thanks for taking care of Sydney for me again."

Barbara shrugged and waved it off, "No problem, Yn. You know I love her. She is easy to handle. Anyway, she's asleep in her bedroom now."

Yn smiled at Barbara and then she fetched her purse and took out several dollars. Yn was about to hand it to her cousin when the latter put up a hand and said, "Yn, don't. How many times have I told you that I did it for free?"

"I'm serious this time, Bar. Take it," said Yn as she pushed the dollars against her cousin's chest.

"No, take it back, sis," persisted Barbara as she grabbed the dollars and pushed them against Yn's hands.

"Please take it, sis," Yn pushed back, "I finished my shift later than usual after all."

"No, no, no," answered Barbara who countered, "I don't mind that at all."

That's when Yn firmly clasped Barbara's hand and smacked the cash into her palm with a loud clap, and insisted, "Just take it!"

As politely as she could, Yn kicked Barbara out of her apartment since the latter seemed like she was seconds away from throwing the cash back at her. Once all had calmed down, Yn chuckled, finding it amusing how the situation played out.

After ensuring that Rosie was well-fed, Yn quietly crept up to Sydney's bedroom. When she peeked inside, her stepsister was fast asleep, her blanket tucked tightly around her and her doll clasped close to her chest. A soft smile curved Yn's mouth, evidently warmed to see her looking well, before she closed the door and walked off.

The next morning, despite not having enough sleep due to Yn finishing her shift at the casino at two in the morning, woke up early and began to prepare breakfast for both her and Sydney.

"Yn! Morning!" greeted Sydney who had just woken up and entered the kitchen to see Yn preparing sandwiches.

"Good morning, Syd. Did you sleep well?" Yn asked, turning to face her stepsister with a smile.

Sydney nodded, "Yes! I dreamt that Peter Pan flew me out to Neverland! I flew in the sky, Yn!"

"Aww, that's amazing!" Yn replied as she finished preparing the sandwiches, "There. Now come, let's take a shower. We better hurry up for your school!"

Sydney jumped up and down with excitement and followed Yn to the bathroom, chattering on and on about her dream.

After they showered, got dressed, and had breakfast, Yn walked Sydney to school, holding her hand tightly the whole way. It took them ten minutes to arrive at her preschool.

Upon entering the school gate, Yn crouched down in front of Sydney and adjusted her clothing before saying with the same eye level as the young girl, "Alright, Syd. Be careful, okay? Don't be a mess and don't be naughty. Don't run around."

"Okay, Yn," replied Sydney, "Will you be back home early?"

Yn went quiet, staring at the little girl before her and perceiving the longing in her eyes. Yn did not tell anyone about her job as a bunny-girl in the casino. No one in her family knew, including Barbara. Such a job would stagger them all, especially her sick mom who would undoubtedly feel guilty for causing her daughter to work like that.

The pay as the bunny-girl in the casino was surprisingly tremendous and she got tips from the customers daily, despite having worn the mask the whole time. It helped her a lot in saving up enough money for her mother's treatment in the hospital. But the downside was that she had to return home past midnight. She couldn't spend much time with Sydney and the little girl evidently began to feel lonely despite being accompanied by Barbara.

Yn wished she could rest and be with Sydney, but the job at the casino provided her with an essential financial grounding. She needed it to survive, yet it left her feeling guilty for not spending enough time with her stepsister.

But with the way things were going, Yn knew it would take a while before she could finish paying the overall bill for her mother's medication. It pained her to think of deceiving Sydney, but she couldn't bear the thought of not being able to provide for her family. She felt emotionally torn and in the end, she knew her decision remained the same.

"I'll try to be back as soon as I can, okay?" Yn finally answered, brushing Sydney's hair away from her face, "But if I'm not, Barbara will be there."

Sydney pouted her lips in dejection and nodded, her eyes still pleading for Yn to come back early. But Yn merely frowned ruefully, knowing she had to go to the casino again tonight, just like every night, to earn the money she needed for her mother's treatments.

As Sydney walked into the school building, Yn stood outside, watching her step-sister disappear out of sight. She couldn't help but feel another pang of guilt for having to disappoint her stepsister like that. But she had to stay strong for her family. Everything was riding on her shoulder.

As she turned and waited for a bus, Yn couldn't help but feel a sense of dread. She was tired of deceiving her family, tired of returning home late past midnight, and tired of carrying the burden all by herself. But she reminded herself that she was doing it all for her mother. That thought alone gave her the strength to keep going.

In only a fraction of an hour, she had alighted from the bus and walked toward the cafe. Here, she was working a morning shift, since taking two jobs in one day was required for her to make enough money to stay afloat and pay her mother's medical expenses.

Yn made her way inside the building, her eyes scanning the familiar surroundings. There were only a few customers present at the moment, and she could see her co-workers bustling around in the kitchen and behind the counter.

After greeting her fellow coworkers, she made her way to the back of the cafe where the employees kept their belongings. She stripped off her coat and hung it up and wore the cafe company's apron over her casual clothing.

As Yn made her way to her assigned station, she couldn't help but feel a sense of numbness wash over her. She had been working non-stop for weeks and the exhaustion was starting to take its toll.

The day started busy as the morning rush began. She busied herself with serving the customers as a waitress, wiping down tables, and filling up condiment containers. She had been working as a waitress for a while now and she could say she was good at it. She was familiar with all the regular customers and knew exactly how they liked their coffee.

Eventually, the morning rush ended and the flow of customers coming in and out of the cafe since then had been slow. Yn's mind started to wander, thinking about her mother's treatments and the mounting bills that needed to be paid, feeling the weight of the responsibility on her shoulders.

As she was lost in thought, Yn felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned around to see Edric, one of her coworkers standing behind her. Edric had always had a crush on her and despite her polite rejections, he continued to care for her at work. She was grateful for his worry, but she didn't want to give him false hope.

"Hey, Yn. You okay?" Edric asked with a concerned look on his face.

Yn forced a smile, "Yeah, I'm okay. Just a little tired, that's all."

Edric nodded, "Why don't you take a break? I'll cover for you."

Yn was hesitant. She was about to deny the offer when she remembered that she had another shift that night. She didn't get enough sleep too. So this offer was an opportunity for her to rest and have some shut-eye. She finally nodded to him, "Thanks, Edric. Tell me when the boss comes back, okay?"

Edric chuckled, "Trust me. Big boss won't come back anytime today. He is with his mistress in Thailand."

She walked to the back of the cafe and sat down on a chair. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves.

But as she sat there in silence, finally resting up her mind, body, and spirit, she took the time to encourage herself. She knew it wouldn't be easy, but she was willing to do whatever it takes to provide for her family. Plus, she was close to collecting the overall payment of her mother's treatment bills. She was so close. All she had to do was endure for one or two months.

As she sat there, she couldn't help but let her thoughts drift to the possibility of a better life. What if she didn't have to work herself to the bone every day? What if she had someone to lean on? Someone to share the burden with? Someone who could provide for her and her family?

That's when the face of a certain Frenchman entered her mind.

She laughed at herself for considering such an idea, as she must have been quite tired. Plus, the Marquis de Gramont appeared to be arrogant and unapproachable. It would have been a disaster to pair with someone like him. Yn was thankful that it was only a fleeting thought.

Once she had enough rest, she went outside to clock in for the day and complete her job until her shift was over. With a friendly farewell to her coworkers, she then left the cafe and hopped on a bus bound for Sydney's preschool to pick her up.

As she stepped off the bus, Yn spotted Sydney playing with the other kids in the playground. The little girl's face lit up as soon as she saw her big sister walking towards her and she immediately rushed off. With a big smile, Yn held her hand and asked, "Hey, Syd. Do you want to visit mom in the hospital?"

"Yes, I want!" enthused Sydney.

Yn smiled, happy to see her sister excited. She knew that visiting their mother would lift their spirits and give them the strength they needed to keep going.

Together, they made their way to the hospital. Yn held Sydney's hand tightly, guiding her through the busy corridors until they reached their mother's room. Their mother looked weak and frail, but her eyes lit up when she saw her daughters. Yn took a seat beside her mother while Sydney sat down on the bed next to her mother's thigh.

"Mom!" crowed Sydney, "Are you okay, mom?"

Their mother beamed radiantly and nodded, "I'm as okay as I can be."

"How are you feeling, Mom?" Yn asked, concern etched on her face.

"I'm okay, dear. Just a little bored of staying in bed for so long," her mother replied, "I bet I couldn't feel my legs if I ever get out of this bed."

"Why can't you get out of bed, mom?" asked Sydney.

Their mom leaned forward to gently comb the little girl's hair with her fingers, "Because I need to rest, my dearie. Anyway, how's school?"

Sydney's face lit up at the mention of school, "It's great, mom! We learned about space today. Did you know that there are billions of stars in the universe?"

Their mother smiled, happy to see her daughter's enthusiasm for learning, "That's amazing, sweetie. How many planets are there?"

Yn smiled at the exchange between her mother and sister, grateful for the moment of joy amidst the hardships. Sydney chattered away about her day as her mother listened with a smile. Yn watched them both with a sense of bittersweet longing, knowing that their time together in the hospital was limited. But she pushed those thoughts aside and focused on the present moment, enjoying the simple joy of being together with her family.

"Oh, but Yn," her mom suddenly addressed her, "Why do you look so tired? You got them bags under your eyes."

A fake smile etched Yn's lips as she replied, "It's nothing, mom."

Her mom's face was filled with worry and concern as a small frown creased her forehead. She could tell that her daughter was exhausted. It was obvious. She could even feel the exhaustion radiating from Yn. The latter did apprise her about having two jobs daily. She knew her job as a waitress in a cafe, but she was clueless about her night shift. It was a mystery to her - one that Yn refused to tell her till now.

"Yn, there's something you're not telling me. Please, tell me what's going on," her mother urged with a gentle tone.

Sydney's mood fell as she observed the two grown women conversing. Yn averted her gaze from her mother and said with a fake facade, "I'm just tired, mom. But I'm so close to collecting the full payment of your medical bills, mom. I just have to endure this for one or two months."

"That's great and all but please don't do anything degrading because of me," said the mother, "It would kill me."

"Then you have nothing to worry about," smiled Yn and this time it was genuine, "I found a job with a night shift that doesn't make me do bad stuff. All I have to do is just be a waitress for the night. It'll be okay, mom."

Her mother sighed, "Okay then. You can skip a day or two to get enough rest too. Don't overwork yourself."

Yn's smile nearly reached her eyes, and her nodding was subtle but sure. Her mother watched her quietly for a moment, perceiving the stubborn look on Yn's face that showed she would not rest until she had collected enough money to pay off the hospital bills.

Then her mother suddenly spoke, "If only there is a rich man who loves you and could provide for you. You wouldn't have to work two jobs and tire yourself out like this."

Yn was taken aback to hear her mother bring up a subject like this. Immediately, the tall frame and face of the Marquis de Gramont resounded in her mind. She bashfully glanced away and chuckled to herself in incredulity as it was quite a coincidence that she had met one of the wealthiest men in France just the night before and now her mother was talking about finding someone like that.

Yn chuckled, "Mom, I can take care of myself and you two just fine. And love doesn't just come from money."

"I know that, dear," her mother replied with a smile, "I just want you to be happy and not have to work so hard."

Yn nodded, appreciating her mother's concern. She knew that her mother only wanted the best for her, but finding a rich man to take care of her wasn't exactly a priority. Her focus was on taking care of her family and making sure they were okay.

"I'll be okay, Mom. Don't worry," Yn reassured her mother with a small smile.

As the visit came to an end, Yn and Sydney hugged their mother tightly and promised to visit again soon. The both of them then made their way out of the hospital, hand in hand, and boarded a bus together to their apartment.

Once inside the apartment, Rosie greeted them with a pur. Yn checked the wall clock and realized she had two hours left to prepare before her night shift at the casino at eight o'clock in the evening. She had to call up Barbara again to take care of Sydney who was eating the donuts Yn brought from the cafe she worked the morning shift at.

She headed to her bedroom and shut the door, not wanting the little girl to overhear her. She then made the call and informed Barbara about the situation and needed her help once more. Barbara agreed to babysit Sydney again and would come by in a matter of minutes. With their conversation done, Yn went to her room to change and get ready for her night shift.

Yn was finally dressed and ready to leave in her long trench coat, but she decided to stay for a little while longer and watched a movie with Sydney. When Barbara showed up, Yn kissed Sydney on the forehead as a farewell and left, trying to ignore the guilt that bubbled up inside her upon seeing Sydney's despondent face at being babysat again.

As she entered the casino, Yn felt a sense of familiarity wash over her. She had been working there for months now, and it was her only source of income, apart from the café job. The casino was bustling with activity and she could hear the sound of slot machines in the background.

She went straight for the staff's changing room and met with her fellow bunny-girls. All of them seemed chaotic. More murmurs and chatters filled the room than usual. Just as Yn reached her makeup table, Emily rushed towards her and said, "Oh my God, Yn! Everyone knows now!"

"Know what?" quizzed Yn with wide eyes in curiosity and puzzlement.

"About the Marquis being our owner," Emily took a deep breath as if she had run a marathon to get to her makeup table, "Mr. Malone told some of us to be fast and gather at the lobby so we have to get ready early. He hasn't told us but the staff have already heard about the rumors."

Yn was probably the first person to know about that so she wasn't all that surprised. Though, she hadn't known about another assembly soon so she hurriedly started her skincare routine and makeup. Emily once again helped her by hanging her bunny costume next to her table.

Once their makeup and hair were done, Yn and the other bunny-girls headed out to the lobby to meet with Mr. Malone and the other staff members such as the bouncers, the kitchen staffs, and the cleaning service staffs. The lobby was already packed with customers since the casino had never closed since Yn finished her shift. As she advanced towards Mr. Malone, who was already standing there awaiting them, the woman couldn't help but feel a bit apprehensive.

"Alright," Mr. Malone began, "Good evening, everyone."

"Good evening," chorused the rest of the staffs.

"I have very exciting news for all of you," he stated with a beam, "Some of you may have heard it. Well, let me say this. It's all true. From now on, the Marquis de Gramont from France will be our owner and I will remain as the managing director. He will bring our casino to a whole new level with his resources and influence."

Some of the staffs glanced at one another, each one having their own opinion about having a new boss or having a question such as what kind of person he was. Mr. Malone continued, surveying the reaction of the employees, "I know some of you may have reservations or questions, but I assure you that he is a great man who cares for those under him. He has even given me a huge amount of money to be distributed to each and every one of you as a bonus."

There were gasps and cheers from the staff as they heard about the bonus. An applause resounded throughout the casino as they all were evidently jubilant upon hearing it. Yn also felt relieved about the bonus she's getting as she would need it so much for her mother's hospital bills.

"Also," added Mr. Malone, "One more thing. The VIP room will no longer be open to anyone. The Marquis wants to turn it into his office. Well, because..."

"Because I like the room."

A male voice, thick with a French accent, suddenly enacted from behind all of the staffs. All eyes were thrown in that direction and those who knew him were astounded to see it was the Marquis de Gramont in the flesh, striding towards them from the entrance door with his hands in his pants pocket. His bodyguard was following behind him. He was donning a three-piece suit again; this time the suit jacket was sparkly black, the waistcoat was black with glinting checkered texture, and his tie and shirt were both gray.

He was obviously the tallest person among them all as he reached them and stood behind the employees. He continued speaking, "And... the abstract painting inside it is what I want to see every day."

Yn couldn't help but be mesmerized by his striking appearance, admiring how the suit hugged his body in all the right places. Apparently, the others were feeling the same way too as they were nonplussed to see him among them. He stood out the most, even among the rich patrons of the casino.

"Sir!" Mr. Malone was startled as well upon seeing him, "I didn't know you were here already. You told me you would be late tonight."

The Marquis started advancing forward and the employees began to part a path for him like the Red Sea for Moses. With his hands in his pockets, he proceeded to the front, moving towards Mr. Malone when suddenly, his gaze shifted to the side and looked straight at Yn. He did not even scan through the staffs and look for her. It's as if he knew where exactly she was. It's like he had already looked for her beforehand.

Yn's heart skipped a beat as the Marquis's eyes met hers. She suddenly felt self-conscious in her revealing bunny costume. The Marquis' gaze was intense, almost as if he could see right through her. His eyes were an icy green, framed by dark lashes that made them appear even more piercing than usual. His expression was unreadable yet powerful. She felt as though he could see right through her as if he knew every thought that ran through her mind.

The Marquis' gaze lingered on her for a moment before he cast his eyes away and addressed Mr. Malone while striding at a slow pace towards him, "I did. But I finished it up as soon as possible to attend your assembly."

Mr. Malone coughed nervously, "Glad to hear it, sir. I was just telling the staff about you. It's great that you could make it here."

The Marquis stood next to Mr. Malone, facing the staffs around them, and said, "Of course. I would hate to miss this. Good evening."

"Good evening," all of the staffs answered back simultaneously.

"A pleasure to meet all of you," the Marquis said, his voice was spoken slowly yet with great charisma and smoothness that attracted everyone's attention. His French accent was thick as he added, "I am excited to work alongside all of you. I have a vision for this establishment, and I believe that together we can accomplish great things."

Yn couldn't help but feel a shiver run down her spine as the Marquis's gaze swept over her once more. There was something about him that made her feel nervous and intimidated.

"Great!" Mr. Malone spoke up, "Now, allow me to introduce each of the staff to you, sir."

As the Marquis and Mr. Malone walked around and got to know the workers, Yn observed how the bunny-girls behaved towards them as they were being introduced to the Frenchman.

"This is Sabrina, one of our most popular bunny-girls here," said Mr. Malone, gesturing to the busty lady in a bunny costume as he and the Marquis moved along the staffs' line.

Sabrina smiled flirtatiously and extended one hand out towards the Marquis, "I'm Sabrina. It's a pleasure to meet you, monsieur beau."

The Marquis raised an eyebrow, even glancing at her hand for a second or two, before taking her hand. His other hand was placed inside his pants pocket. The two of them exchanged handshakes and he replied with a smile, "Likewise."

The Marquis and Mr. Malone then moved to the next bunny-girl and the managing director spoke up, "This is Rachel. She is a very quiet girl."

Just like how he did with the other staffs, the Marquis shook hands again with Rachel who refused to make eye contact with him. His free left hand was still hidden in his pocket. The same thing happened to the other employees until both of them finally reached Yn.

Once the two of them stood before Yn, Mr. Malone began, "And this is-"

"Yn Ln," the Marquis uttered her full name out of the blue, cutting off Mr. Malone. The Marquis took a step closer to Yn and said with a cunning smile as he looked down at her, "It is a pleasure to see you again."

"It's nice to meet you too, sir," replied the anxious Yn as she grasped his hand which was reaching out to her. She then shook hands with the Frenchman, ignoring the way his hand felt huge against hers.

Suddenly, his free left hand was brought out of his pocket and he placed it atop Yn's hand which was still shaking with his right one. Both of his hands were covering hers and it filled her skin with warmth which she was uncertain if she liked it or not. His action caught her off guard and baffled her as he didn't do this to anyone before her. It seemed extra and unnecessary.

She felt every burning eye on them, watching their interaction. That made her feel all the more insecure. She didn't want to attract any attention, but the Marquis made it impossible. For a second she thought about running away to hide but she knew that would make her seem all the more embarrassing.

The Marquis' smirk widened as he kept a watchful stare on her. His fingers, which were on top of the back of her hand, then gave a few pats to her skin and he nodded at her while saying, "Let's work together."

Yn nodded her head with uncertainty, "Yeah..."

The Marquis' smile widened in satisfaction before he let her hand go. With a last piercing stare at her, the Marquis walked to the next bunny-girl and Mr. Malone introduced Emily to him. This time, the Frenchman shook hands with her normally, with his other hand hidden in his pocket.

As the Marquis continued to get to know the casino workers personally, Yn observed him quietly. She couldn't shake off the strange feeling that he gave her. There was something about him, something dark and mysterious that she couldn't quite put her finger on. She watched him move through the crowd with ease, his confidence and charisma drawing everyone towards him.

"Where's Amelia?" asked Sophia to the bunny-girls nearby.

"She texted me," answered Emma, "She said she's going to take a break today."

Emily spoke up, "Does she know about the Marquis being our owner now?"

"Yes, and she was so shocked she burnt herself while cooking," clarified Emma, "We were calling when I told her about it."

The Marquis and Mr. Malone then stood on the previous spot after having the former get to know the employees personally. The Marquis put on a friendly smile and said, "Thank you, everyone, for the warm welcome. I can tell that this is going to be a successful collaboration between us."

The staff members all smiled and nodded, some more enthusiastic than others. Yn couldn't help but feel a wave of anxiety wash over her as she realized that the Marquis would be her new boss - and she didn't know anything about him.

"Is there anything else you would like to do, sir?" asked Mr. Malone, "Before I dismiss them?"

"No, that would be all," replied the Marquis.

"Very well," Mr. Malone then turned to the employees and announced, "You heard him, everyone. You are dismissed. Now, chop chop! Give them two hundred percent! And don't forget your mask, ladies."

The staff members of the casino dispersed in an instant, each one headed straight for their station or their next task. Yn immediately walked off to grab a mask for herself. She had just put on a mask when Emily grabbed her arm and inquired her with wide eyes full of curiosity, "Hey, what was that about?"

Yn knew what she was implying but she still asked, "What was what?"

"You and the Marquis," pointed out Emily. Her black eyes looked deep into Yn's eyes as the former said, "The way he talked with you was so different."

"Em," Yn answered, "It was nothing. He was just being friendly."

Emily retaliated, "Being friendly is not like that! You know that trend on Tiktalk with the words, 'Stop looking at me with those eyes'? That's how he looked at you!"

"That's absurd," responded Yn as she walked towards the roulette table to tend to it, seeing the customers were already flocking around it.

"No, I saw it!" pressed Emily, "He was practically undressing you with his eyes!"

Yn couldn't deny the shiver that ran down her spine at the thought, but she brushed it off and focused on her job. She had to put the Marquis out of her mind as it was time for work.

She greeted the customers politely, even smiling although her mouth was concealed by the black mask she was donning, and announced she would be the dealer of the roulette table. Once the customers had placed their bets and chips, she began spinning the roulette wheel, calling out the numbers as they landed.

At one point, she had to wait for a customer to count his remaining chips and she looked around the casino, noting the busy yet fun atmosphere around them as the patrons gambled their savings away. That was when her eyes landed on the door of the VIP room.

The Marquis de Gramont stood tall and imposing with an air of authority and power as he commanded several foreign workers renovating the room as his office. She could see the paintings being brought in, framed in ornate gold frames, ready to be hung on the wall. He stood there silently, observing the workers around him as they went about their work. Then he chanced a glance in her direction and stared directly at her.

His gaze was intense, almost as if she was a painting and he was studying her from afar. She quickly tore her eyes away and resumed dealing with the game, trying to ignore the burning sensation in her cheeks. She could feel the Marquis' gaze on her, watching her every move. She tried to ignore it, but it was impossible.

As the night progressed, more customers came in, and Yn found herself getting busier by the minute. She barely had time to take a break, and when she did, it was only for a few minutes to catch her breath and drink some water.

After a few hours of work, Yn's shift ended. She was exhausted and eager to go home. Still in her revealing bunny costume and donning a black mask over her nose and mouth, she headed towards the staff's changing room when she realized there was a certain, noticeable change in her pathway.

A massive abstract painting hung on the wall of the open hallway leading to the changing room, easily visible from the main hall of the casino. Some of the patrons stood and chatted in front of it. The people around the painting whispered in awe and admiration, their hushed tones muffled by the sound of slot machines and other games in the casino.

Yn slowed down to a stop in front of the abstract art. With a pair of wide eyes of surprise, she stared up at the painting. Her entire body was facing it as she quietly admired it, mesmerized by the colors and shapes that seemed to dance before her eyes. As she stood there, she felt a presence behind her and turned to see the Marquis de Gramont standing tall, his eyes locked on her.

"Caught your eye?" he said, his voice low and smooth.

"Yeah..." she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

That's when the Marquis moved from behind Yn, slowly circling her and scanning her up close with his eyes. His eyes were unblinking as he slowly walked around her in a slow, counter-clockwise circle. He moved gracefully and with purpose, like a predator sizing up its prey. His gaze seemed to be studying her from all angles as if she was a prized possession.

Yn felt on edge as his eyes scanned her upside down and could almost feel the intensity of his gaze as if she was an art piece admired by him. His presence felt oppressive and overwhelming, and it was at that moment she truly felt what Emily had told her.

"He was practically undressing you with his eyes!"

"I bought it hours ago from a very talented artist," the Marquis said as he was still circling around her. His heavy French accent added a touch of sophistication to his words.

At some point, he tore his gaze away from Yn. His eyes became dark and cold as he glanced at the men nearby. His stare was ominous and serious, radiating an aura of power that commanded respect and screamed murder as if he was wordlessly telling them to scram. His presence was intimidating and oppressive and it made Yn feel smothered despite how huge the space was.

With his dark eyes locked on the people surrounding them, he continued speaking to the lady he ensnared and circled around on, "It represents the chaos and unpredictability of life. I find it quite fitting for a casino."

As Yn absorbed the Marquis's words, she couldn't help but feel a chill creep up her spine. The juxtaposition of his suave demeanor and the underlying sense of danger in his presence left her feeling trapped, like prey caught in a predator's snare.

Yn's voice trembled slightly as she responded with uncertainty, "It does look... nice..."

The Marquis's lips curled into a subtle, knowing smile as he glanced back at Yn, still circling around her leisurely and invading her personal space.

His voice, still low and smooth, resonated in her ears like a whisper laced with hidden intentions, "Yes, chaos has a certain charm, wouldn't you say? It pulls people in and seduces them with its tempting nature. And in this building of gamblers and dreamers, chaos reigns supreme."

Yn felt a surge of unease ripple through her as the Marquis' words echoed in her mind. There was something unnerving about what he said. It's as if he was hinting at something to her. Something so obvious to him yet so obscure to her. If she pondered about it so simply, only one thing crossed her mind. And it's downright sinful and filthy. There’s no way he was implying that, she thought.

As Yn stood there, enveloped in the Marquis' aura, she couldn't shake the feeling that there was far more to him than met the eye. The art, the chaos, the intensity of his gaze - all seemed to be pieces of a larger puzzle, one she wasn't sure she was ready to unravel.

While circling her and arriving behind her, the Marquis leaned in even closer to Yn, his hot breath tickling the back of her neck. She could feel his body heat radiating off of him, and her heart raced as his lips brushed against her ear.

"Tell me, ma lapine," he whispered as he looked from her seductive bunny costume to her eyes, "Do you like to take risks?"

Yn's heart pounded in her chest. She did not understand what 'ma lapine' meant. Her voice was barely audible as she responded, "I don’t..."

Her response hung in the air, her voice filled with trepidation. The Marquis pulled back slightly, his intense gaze still fixed on her.

"Don't what?" he asked, his tone laced with curiosity and a hint of amusement.

Yn hesitated, unsure of how to proceed. She felt trapped in the Marquis' web of intrigue, unsure of his intentions and the risks that lay ahead. Taking a deep breath, she mustered her courage and decided to respond honestly.

"I don't know if I like to take risks," Yn admitted, her voice wavering. "I've always been cautious."

The Marquis, just arriving in front of her while circling, regarded her for a moment, his expression inscrutable. Then, a small smile played at the corners of his lips.

"I can see you like to play it safe. But it can be tiresome," he said, his voice tinged with a hint of mischief. "Sometimes, the most exhilarating moments in life come when we dare to step out of our comfort zones."

Yn stayed quiet, knowing that he was somewhat right, but she could not find it in herself to take any risk. Not when the consequence of her failure may result in her mother’s fall to her illness. No. She had to remain cautious, even if she was so close to earning enough money for the full payment for her mother’s medical treatment.

Yn responded, her voice clearly laced with wariness, "But it's also important to consider the consequences.”

The Marquis chuckled softly, his gaze never leaving hers.

"Ah, consequences," he mused, his voice carrying a note of intrigue. "They are indeed part of the equation. But sometimes, the rewards outweigh the risks. It all depends on how far you're willing to go."

He stopped his circle around Yn and stood beside her. He inched closer to her and whispered, “Don’t worry. I will help you know the pleasure of taking a risk.”

That was when she felt warm skin touch her back. She did not have to look to know it was the Marquis’ hand. He slowly moved the aforementioned limb to her waist and grasped it, sensing that his hand fit there perfectly. The Marquis chuckled, a deep, throaty sound that sent shivers down Yn's spine.

"Tonight is the perfect night to find out," he said, his voice low and dangerous.

Yn's eyes gradually widened in terror as she registered his words. She took a step away from him, feeling a surge of fear coursing through her veins, and his hand was released from her waist. At that moment, she felt a deep sense of unease and danger. She was now certain that the Marquis de Gramont's intentions were far from innocent, and she realized she had unknowingly stumbled into a precarious situation.

Fear gripped Yn as she realized she was alone with this mysterious man in a secluded open hallway of the casino. The art viewers surrounding them moments ago had disappeared without her notice. She glanced around, hoping to find an escape route or someone who could help her, but the casino seemed to be engulfed in its own world of oblivious gamblers.

Knowing that she had to do something to save herself, Yn mustered her strength and replied, her voice shaky but determined, "I... I'm sorry, but I have to go."

The Marquis smirked as if he found her denial funny, his eyes gleaming with a mix of amusement and something far more lustful and sinister. His voice was laced with a subtle threat as he said, "Oh, but the night is young."

Yn's instincts screamed at her to leave, to escape from this unsettling encounter. She glanced around, searching for an exit, but the Marquis positioned himself between her and the nearest door. Panic began to take hold as she realized the gravity of her situation.

"Please, I need to go," she said, her voice a tad stronger now, though it trembled slightly.

Not waiting for any response, Yn swiftly sidestepped the Marquis and briskly walked away, her heart pounding in her chest. She couldn't shake off the feeling of his eyes burning into her back as she hurried towards the staff's changing room.

Just as she opened the door, the Marquis' voice, thick with his French accent, spoke up, "Cherish this moment, ma lapine. It may be the last time you can escape."

Yn's hand froze on the doorknob, and she slowly turned her head to look back at the Marquis. He was standing with his whole body facing her, his hands on his hips, exuding an aura of ominous confidence as if he knew everything would go his way eventually. His gaze pierced through her, and a chill ran down her spine. She could sense a dark and malevolent undertone in his words as if he was hinting at something far more sinister than she could comprehend.

Without uttering another word, Yn quickly entered the changing room and closed the door behind her. Once safely inside, she locked the door behind her and leaned against it, her breathing heavy and rapid. She was relieved that the room was devoid of anyone. The encounter had left her shaken and wary, but she knew she needed to act fast.

Yn quickly changed out of her bunny costume, discarding it and the black mask. She retrieved her belongings and decided it was best to leave the casino immediately. As she stepped out onto the bustling streets, she couldn't shake off the feeling of being watched, as if the Marquis's intense gaze was still fixed upon her.

Determined to put the encounter behind her, Yn hastened her steps to make it back home. She hopped onto the bus that she normally took and plopped down on one of its seats. Despite her efforts, thoughts of her earlier encounter with the Marquis de Gramont filled her mind: his piercing gaze and sinister words refused to go away. To take her mind off things, Yn shifted her gaze out the window where the city lights streaked past in a colorful blur.

The bus ride felt longer than usual, and Yn's unease only grew with each passing moment. She couldn't shake the feeling of being watched, as if the Marquis was somehow still present, his presence lingering in the shadows. Soon enough, in minutes, the bus finally arrived at her stop and Yn hastily got off.

Walking briskly through the dimly lit streets, Yn couldn't help but glance over her shoulder every now and then, her senses on high alert. The night seemed eerily quiet, and she couldn't shake off the feeling of being followed. Her footsteps quickened as she made her way toward her apartment building, her heart pounding in her chest.

Finally reaching the safety of her building, Yn loosened up a bit as she stepped into the well-lit lobby. She greeted the security guard with a tense smile, trying to appear calm and composed despite the fear gnawing at her insides. She hurriedly made her way to the elevator, pressing the button repeatedly, urging it to arrive faster.

As the elevator doors closed and she ascended to her floor, Yn's mind was still consumed by thoughts of the Marquis. She wondered what he had meant by his parting words and what kind of situation she had unwittingly walked into. The encounter had left her shaken and wary of everything that moved, and she couldn't help but question her own safety.

Finally reaching her apartment, Yn quickly unlocked the door and stepped inside, immediately feeling a sense of relief as she closed and locked it behind her. She leaned against the door, taking a moment to catch her breath and calm her racing thoughts. It was in the safety of her own space that she could begin to process the events of the night.

Suddenly, a meow was heard in the silence of the apartment and Yn jumped in complete fright, yelping quietly, before she glanced down and realized it was her cat, Rosie. She was innocently moving closer to the spooked owner and brushed her body against Yn's legs.

"Yn?"

Yn brought her eyes up from the floor and looked to see it was Barbara. The latter stared at her in bewilderment and curiosity and quizzed her, "What's wrong? You look like you saw a ghost."

Yn took a deep breath, trying to steady herself and regain composure. She realized that she must have appeared quite shaken to Barbara, and she didn't want to alarm her cousin unnecessarily.

"It's... it's nothing," Yn replied, forcing a smile onto her face. "I just had a strange encounter at work."

Barbara's eyebrows furrowed with concern. "What happened?"

Yn faked a smile and shook her head as if wordlessly indicating to not ask any questions. She said, "Nothing. Where is Sydney?"

Barbara gestured to the little girl's bedroom and replied, "Asleep in her bedroom..."

Yn let out a sigh and told, "Okay. Thanks, Barbara."

The cousin stared at her quietly, clearly getting the message that Yn did not want to talk about whatever it was that bothered her.

"Alright," Barbara grabbed her belongings and went to the door. She turned to Yn and said with a stretched smile, "Just call me if you ever need help or a friend. Take care of yourself, okay?"

Yn smiled gratefully at Barbara's offer of support, "Okay. Thank you again, Bar."

Barbara nodded and exited the apartment, leaving Yn alone with her thoughts. After ensuring that Sydney was sound asleep, Yn decided to pour herself a glass of water in the kitchen. As she stood by the sink, she took a few deep breaths, trying to calm her racing thoughts.

As she sipped her water, Yn pondered for a long while in the safety of her humble abode. She knew that no matter what, she had to return to the casino the following evening. Much as she disliked it, she needed the job more than she wanted to admit, even though the Marquis was her boss.

After a long contemplation, she arrived to a conclusion. Her plan was simple: stay away from him. Avoid being in close proximity with him and avoid any chance of having to talk to with him at all. Make sure she never found herself alone inside the casino walls. She would do whatever it took to keep her distance from him, no matter the cost.

Once she got enough money for the payment of her mother's medical bills, she would quit and leave the casino without looking back.

PREV : Chapter 01

NEXT : Chapter 03

Story Masterlist

Leave a comment and like! I would love to know what you think!

If you’re interested in being on my taglist to be tagged in the next chapters, please leave a comment and mention the taglist.

[multiplicationdivision]

Surfing at Edict’s Bay was odd ever since the Great Shifting.

So many odd things had changed, yet normalcy was quick to return.

It was like the Empire State Building had always literally been the tallest in the world, a country of minds emboldening it to stretch on for literal infinity. The catacombs now whispered with the undead, but the undead turned out to mostly just be creepy in the religious way.

The bat cave 100 miles north had shifted to embody the connection of bats to vampires in the populace’s perceptions, but a task force and a sizable amount of stakes had quickly gotten that shit under control.

Other surfing locals had sharks or stingrays.

Edict’s Bay had starfish.

The starfish had once been a problem on-native, but a cocktail of the local population’s view of cute little animals that could regenerate perfectly and a flavoring of the local biology department’s knowledge of the original species��s invasiveness and potent venom had yielded it. The oddly friendly yet reclusive Splitting Starfish.

Risk came and went and the Bay’s starfish’s migration was closely monitored, but nothing was completely knowable and the town’s surfers were always prepared for a little risk.

Today’s risk had been an unlucky one.

Just a single infested kelp had drifted past and pricked them all.

Eddie didn’t seem that bothered, taking his new twin in stride.

“Honestly feels surprisingly good” one of him said, the two-headed man relaxing on their board. “Can’t really complain when I’ve just acquired another of my best feature” the left bragged. “The guy’s already reading my mind I swear” the right said, using their left shoulder to push the left head tight against his in fast growing affection. It was no surprise the two had already sourced a few double headed wetsuits from god knows where, likely having made it custom for today.

It certainly had helped Luc, who had torn his previous wetsuit from the sheer force of his body widening. He’d been the only guy who’s been left nude out in the open as his venom rapidly got to work. One minute he’d been a nervous wreck of a guy, a moment later he was panting through half-shared lungs in sync with another him as they lay on the sand, a torn mess of wetsuit around them.

Luc seemed anxious about the whole thing, but an over enthusiastic echo of Eddie’s was helpful in reassuring. Hell Luc even started to quietly talk with his other half, the two discussing with little smiles that grew as the guy visibly grew to like his now shared body. Adorably stumbling around every now and then as the Eddie’s coached him through moving as one person, as if they had any more experience in it.

To be fair, Eddie did know a guy who’d been through this all before. Eddie’s best friend had purposefully double torso-ed himself with a quick trip to the tide pools and had filled Instagram of him enjoying his time with his new body mate, likely having infected his friend with the conjoinment obsession in the process.

Joey had the most drastic change of the tens of surfers affected. Just enough venom in his veins for a near perfect split, although the lifeguards had been long accustomed to the situation to have a vial of the venom on hand so the guy wouldn’t be force to share a foot with his doppelganger.

Now he sat in a strange tension with his clone, neither of them speaking to each other, yet both refusing to part.

“Fucking hate that you brought me out here Chuck” one of him said, the other almost agreeing before noticably stopping himself. The two were separately vocally against their new doubles, yet continued to orbit their counterpart. Going so far as riding squeezed on the same bike before returning in matching jean shorts and tank tops. Looking suspiciously exhausted and with more than enough red marks across their body to betray why they’d taken 3 hours to change.

Chuck himself was just enjoying the others experience it all.

“Feeling like finishing the process?” his other head asked, watching his surfer friends joke around as they repeatedly tested his to incorporate their now doubled group into a functioning dynamic.

“Eh, don’t really need another Chuck around”, he said, well aware of the 3 other hims lazing around back at home. A loosely guarded secret of his, mostly balanced between the slight embarrassment of being a person who repeatedly forgets to follow migration reports as well as being a person who is very relieved not to need to need to train anyone else for his shop.

It would probably break the thinly veiled illusion of him being super humanly fast at completing tasks were a two headed Chuck to switch places with his single headed duplicates.

Unless they quickly homogenized the others to their condition. They’d probably catch another starfish in a water bottle or something just in case the others were interested.

They would be.

It wasn’t long before one of the many identical lifeguards spotted the peculiarities of the group and got their half assed reports of the events. Made them each promise to stay far away from the starfish next time as if the lifeguards weren’t walking contradictions of the recommendation.

Like the guy hadn’t skipped each of them his number, being an idiot in the fact that his copies each had the same idea.

Chuck had been there and done that with one of those lifeguards, lord knows which, and it was likely only the Lucs would take the man up. An anxious man, but a ruthlessly horny one at that.

Chuck was just planning on staying in tonight. Probably pull a Joey and welcome his body mate with style. Likely get a few other Chucks in on the celebration, maybe welcome a few new Chucks in with the starfish he was definitley going to keep in a tank at home.

Once you adjusted to shit like this, it hardly hurt to escalate a little.

It was after all, the new normal.

[ordophilosophicus]

What it means to be a Moreau:

An essay and analysis of Jean Moreau's character-conflict  (Aftg and TSC - spoilers)

What this will not be about: The actual content of the book. Ok, that's not fully true. I am not about to discuss if something that happens itself is good/bad, in character etc. Or criticize topics.

What this will be is an analysis of parallels, character-motifs and questions concerning their trajectory and hindsight of actions. Questions AND Ideas how to answer these questions.

What does it mean when Jean states "I am a Moreau '', Why does TSC feel a bit like a crunched up Aftg? What constitutes the actual conflict of Jean - since either choice (staying or leaving) appears to be certain death? Why does Rikos death and Kevin's betrayal (the hand thing) matter to Jean?  

The book came out and my heart went racing. These books (aftg and tsc) bring me great joy, all I will criticize and analyze in this tiny, a bit too long essay, is said with greatest love and sincerity towards these books. But there can be said a lot - especially about TSC.

Get a snack and hop on.

Parallels between aftg and tsc - Stories about identity:

First of all let's begin with Nora's great writing of POV's. In this book we do get two pov's, giving us contrast to Neils in Aftg. Meaning we see the world, the characters from three different perspectives. And Nora makes them all matter. In the end I will tie it back with interpreting Jeremys pov, but for now let's only look at Neils and Jeans. A lot of characterization is made by what is focused on in their respective povs. What characters are interesting, how much rumination (thought) vs action is expressed. Both are unreliable narrators, and both tell us so much about what matters to them.

Both Aftg (Neils arc) and TSC (Jeans arc) are about the loss and gain of identity. From the retrospective, the arc consists of questions such as: Who am I?; Can I change who I am?; and what am I worth? But both arcs start with a clear sense of identity which is threatened.

However, somehow Neils arc is more concise and clear cut. Of course, part of this can be attributed to the simple fact that there will be a (second and maybe third part) to come for TSC, but it's mainly the groundworks I think which are "lacking". They are not necessarily lacking but rather not as (clear/spelled out).

The theme of "Identity" is special, since the stakes in the book/ark are about identity and its loss. Other stakes (death, loss of friendship, love etc) are not the main focus. The characters struggle and peril is about the loss of identity, which would mark a step into an unknown world they cannot navigate, and bring other dangers they avoided or dealt with the current identity. (Example: Lying vs telling the truth. Former obstructs the consequences of the truth, the later means you need to deal with the consequences.) On the other hand, it is the alternative identity which provides something of interest for the charatcer, creating a conflict of WANTING and perception of SELF. They WANT friends, but would need to GIVE UP their former sense of protection.

We are introduced to Neil Josten, and his very solid perception of identity. He is "nothing" = He has no right and no attachment to anything. He is a liar and alone. The conflict is created by offering him Exy and later on a team. Security stands in conflict with ending his loneliness and the feeling of not mattering. Nora introduces this conflict very early and very clearly. It is what makes us sympathize and, more importantly, understand and buy into the crazy thing Neil does to keep his secrets.

However, there is another identity which rides that one of "Neil Josten." Nathaniel Wesninski, the identity attached to that name, becomes more prominent throughout the books, and in the end, Neil needs to accept this identity to move on.

Nathaniel Wesninski's identity is very much spelled out in AFTG and it must be so, to make this shift of identity so impactful. A Wesninski is: loyal, does not lie, cruel but true. The very opposite of Neil Josten.

Nathaniel Wesninski is tied to the Moriamas, and is tied to his father. To pain, loss and a life of consequences and responsibility. (Not to run). The stake to shift to this identity (to be this person) is made clear by showing throughout the books how each of these parts are dangerous. And every step Neil takes (especially in the first and second book) is to avoid having to lose Neil Josten and be Wesnisnki.

And it works excellently. We fear WITH Neil when he makes the shift to Wesnisnki in Lolas car, and it is an epiphany when Riko dies and Neils makes a deal with Ichiro. When he wins in Exy and can play Exy. Because he not only shifted in the identity, he did not lose Neil Josten. He successfully changed to a Wesninski, to then further to a NEW Neil Josten. (Important: It's not losing an identity, which makes the arc powerful. It's the change of self. Nora is very explicit by making it a three step program. Josten. Wesninski, and "New" Josten.) We see what is the conflict, we get the stakes, and we see how Neil resolves the problems and takes on a new, stronger identity.

TSC is about Jean and a similar problem. However the swap, or rather the whole conflict does not appear as strong as with Neil. And the reasons for it are very simple, though still relevant for the trajectory of the story and possibility for the reader to emphasize and root for Jean.

TSC starts out with the bonus that we are already entranced with the fate of Jean and understand The Nest and Riko. However, what we do not know is Jeans' identity. Who does he think he is?; What stakes does he think hinge on being "Jean Moreau, the Raven, belonging to the Moriyamas' '? WHY is it so tremendous to leave the Nest, and what does he have to gain? What is the trade and what is the challenge? Etc. All that we have established with the Neil example prior.

Through Jean's mantra we get told that Jean has some kind of values attached to being "a Moreau '' and being "part of the Nest/belonging to the Moriyamas". The fatal problem is, we are never told what this actually means.

As readers we can understand why Jean is afraid to leave the nest, what Riko has done and could do to them. But this does not create the conflict we are looking for and plays out in the book. The conflict is happening, but the pov Nora gives us through Jean does not sufficiently explain what this conflict actually is about.

The answer is given implicitly and between the lines. These few bits I will try to spell out and interpret. Further, there could be a stronger case in certain scenarios, to make the conflict around Jeans identify stronger, and his relation to other characters more impactful.

First let's consider:

"What does it mean to be a Moreau?"

When Jean realizes he had been taken from Evermore, he tries to bargain with others and himself that he cannot leave. "Because he is a Moreau", and he belongs to Riko/the Moriyamas. But we are not let in WHY this exactly is a problem. Oh no, how horrible to not be beaten to death. If Jean leaves, Riko and his family will be angry and could try killing him. But the same appears to be possible if he GOES BACK. The whole first chapters establish that Jean is neither safe in nor outside the nest. (He might think it's safer inside, but for the reader, it  is clear this being not the case.)

Therefore, this conflict is not of external stakes, but internal. If Jean leaves, it would mean breaking with his identity, losing himself, creating or letting in problems he formerly avoided or dealt with through the identity he is trying to keep. It is essential that we understand WHAT HE IS TRYING TO UPHOLD.

Duty and being reliable:

I think we can define "being a Moreau" by being a person who has a strong sense of duty. Who is reliable and  sensible. I mainly read this from the fact that Jean asks Jeremy to add "being conform with USC appearance" to his contract. He has a duty to serve Ichiro, and by putting conformity in the contract, by extension he has a duty to be conform.

""You will have to pen it in," Jean said. "I won't sign it unless you do." It was the only way this worked: If Jean signed something that said he had to behave to be allowed to stay on the lineup, he could bite his tongue and stay his fists. It'd piss him off beyond telling, but he could follow orders if it meant surviving another day." p.71(kindle)

But this does not fully explain why breaking with the ravens is problematic for Jean in the beginning of TSC. Nora has not forgotten or overseen this, but it's not explicitly put in the text. Jeans backstory is about being sold to the Moriyamas. He is given the duty by his parents to serve Moriyama. Nora had portrayed it very much in a way that Jean was very reluctant to do. Although understandable, I propose to read this character more strongly. Make this matter more:

Jean is an older brother, prior to being sold, he had already understood himself as a reliable and dutiful person. An older brother to take care of his baby sister. A Moreau to in the future take care of business. resourceful and reasonable. Dutiful and compliant.

When he is told by his parents he is sold "as Moreau" - not as anybody, he is sold with a duty to represent and pay off the depth(?) of his family. Perform on the court, show the worth, protect his family, his baby sister.

His place at Evermore and belonging to Riko would be/is tied to his understanding of being a Morou. Leaving Evermore, would mean to not fulfill his duty, to give up, to be unreliable, since his parents and his sister counted on him.

If we accept "duty" and "reliability" to stand in the center of Jean's identity and conflicts, all other relationships and actions are to be seen from the perspective of Jean trying to protect this identity and stay conform with it. Most notably this strengthens both the events and dynamic between Jean and Kevin, and Jean and Riko respectively.

Riko & The Ravens:

Imagine Jean had been brought to the Nest, unwilling, hurt by betrayal, but with a strong sense of duty to go through with this. Take this burden given to him, and perform. Riko would have picked up on this. The amount of violence, the "breaking in" of Jean was not simply cruelty or any weird family feud thing. It was Rikos testing, an attempt to break Jean's sense of self. If he would not be able to perform on court, not achieve it - he would break his promises. Jean's small but consistent rebellions against Riko are an expression to keep his duty. He plays games even if he is hurt, he does not kill himself. For Jean to fulfill his duty and sense of self(worth) means going along with whatever, and holding out whatever.

Giving up on Evermore is not only breaking his sense of identity and purpose, but also making the pain he insured pointless (as Jeremy notices so fittingly). It means Riko wins by breaking him. His fear of Riko is tied to his fear of losing his sense of self. And him losing Riko means he has failed his duty to play for him on the court. The ravens are described by Jean as "loving and hating" each other respectively. And that nobody in USC could ever understand. But nor can we truly. Why does Jean not hate them, why is he not happy Riko is gone? because it means he failed, and they all contributed to his identity and achievement of his promises. The deal he made with Zane was one of the best insights or examples we are given to understand the Nest. To FEEL the Nest dynamic. Survival, reliance, schemes, dependance. Cruel intimacy to others, to know their secrets and fears. If you are not tight with someone (Jean and Zane, or Jean and Kevin) you also cannot find a way to protect yourself. Knowing Zane loved that one Raven girl and wanted that number, gave him the ability to stay away from Grayson and not break. The ravens, and Riko are not only an obstacle to his success and upholding of his promises, they are the means to an end. He needs them as much as he despises them. That's why leaving them, and Rikos death matters for Jean.

Kevin:

On the other hand we have the relationship between Kevin and Jean. We are given more insight on how Kevin got out of the Nest: by fucking over Jean. This scene or event is gutwrenching BUT it could be STRONGER if Jean would have known and been complicit with Kevin. Jean loved/liked at least cared about Kevin. Although his sense of duty is tied to Riko and the court, there would also be such a sense towards Kevin. Especially if Kevin came and asked him, directly. Confronting Jean with concieving him as a reliable, to be trsuted person. The one friend you count on the get you out of the shit. If one can help him, it is Jean. Because he is a Moreau. If we would read it as Jean accepting the consequences of helping Kevin, we would lose this ark of betrayal. But we would not need to erase the discontent and hurt Jean holds towards Kevin. For Kevin would have known and relied on Jean's self understanding, and played him. Used him as means of an end. Asking a person who is used to compromising their own safety, who understands themselves as a rock at a shore and understands the pain and fear one goes through - calling/playing on that is as much as a betrayal and use of a person as it is simple "not telling him". It makes it worse in some sense, because it highlights the intimacy between Kevin and Jean. They knew each other very well, and Kevin used that knowledge, in raven fashion, to survive.

(On the other hand, I would agree one could read it in the original way, Jean not knowing, because Kevin is aware of Jean's understanding of duty. That Jean would feel the sense that he NEEDS to betray Kevin. So there is still room for interpretation.)

SUMMERY:

Okay, okay. That was a lot. Let's surmise what I claim: That Jeans sense of self is shaped by duty, more explicitly the one he holds from his parents to be perfect court, please the Moriyamas and protect his family (sister).

Leaving the Ravens endangers all of this, all his sense of self and all he has done to achieve it.

Riko dying means there is never a way back, and he has failed. It upheaves all he is and wants, even though Riko and the Ravens did horrible things to him.

Neil making the deal with Ichiro formed a new duty, and gave him a way out. A compromise. Play court, but with USC. And still Jean loses a lot, or everything he considered constitutive of himself when he leaves the Ravens and comes to USC.

Whom he has duties to? Formerly his Raven partner, now? Jeremy offers to take the role. His experiences and background make him take duties towards the other Trojans to give him a sense of worth (asking if Cody is ok with touching/flirting with them.)

Neil drags him to the FBi and Stuard, and he comes to know all of his efforts to protect his family had been in vain. And it is that point in which his last tie of "old" sense of duty, breaks off. He cannot hold onto the same ideas and rules, duties and objectives as before.

For Jean, this break  is what is for Neil the end of a whole arc.

Whilst AFTG and TSC are similar in theme, they are very different in their outset. Whilst Neils whole arc is about getting and learning his new identity, Jean has to go through that all in one book. That's why we see and feel a great parallel between both characters, but also the arc itself. The telling of information, the parallel of fear of losing the old and gaining the new. Of betraying one's old identity/family in the end, and offer of a new, better, alternative.

However, Jeans arc does not end there. His story appears to be more about healing and the disconnect between outer, imposed, duty and value, and self-worth.

I think that's also why we get so little insight of Jeremys conflict in the first book. We get enough hints that have very likely to do with Jeremy being gay, stepfather, cops, maybe drugs and the family being publicly known. It has to do with imposed identity from the outside, self vs outer worth and dealing with that. We get so little from Jeremy, not only because he is an expert in talking and thinking around his own problems and issues, but because the story has Jean not ready yet. Jean first has to come in the same state Jeremy has been, or is in, before they both start pushing and pulling each other. Like Andrew and Neil could only start developing after Neil starts to compromise and change his sense of self, his willingness to be more than simple lying Neil Josten.

The same applies for Jean and Jeremy. But the end goal is about healing, and creating one's own self worth, rather than becoming a whole new self.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

p.s. I love Kevin, don't touch him.

[spacebug7]

about to do a luca wordvomit sorry sorry

i just saw someone saying that luca was "queerbaiting" or like. an example of writers/executives being to afraid to write queer romance, and while that may or may not be true (given the context, like how maybe a year after that film came out those pixar employees wrote that one letter) i actually think that luca is impressive and impactful because it isn't a romance-- it exists within a pre-romance, and because of that, it hits that much harder.

also they aren't canon just because kenna jean harris made fanart of them but that's another conversation. back to my actual point:

viewing luca through a queer lens, there is SO much to be found that is immensely relatable to the queer experience-- primarily, what it's like to grow up gay. you have the concerned, fearful mother; you have the supportive relative and ally friend; the bullies, the mentor-- and more importantly, you have that one person that absolutely changed everything.

i'm not going to say that this is a universal experience-- everyone's journey is different. but i am going to say that this is something that is incredibly common, even more so within queer media-- and luca is just another example of this. no doubt about it-- alberto's presence in the film is one that is both vital to the plot and to the allegory that the story presents.

it's almost common to joke about life-ruining/world-altering homoerotic friendships in online queer spaces. that's probably why the film was so relatable to a lot of queer people, myself included. not only that, but the way the characters are written-- when i joke about this film being the pixar fish version of "call me by your name" i'm not actually all-the-way kidding. this film, i feel, is so intertwined with queerness and the experience of growing up queer that it's really difficult to look at it and go, "okay, but they're not gay."

THAT BEING SAID. they shouldn't have been canonized. like, ever. that would have ruined the allegory luca presents. purposeful or not, whether the writers really did want to make them a thing, they shouldn't have been. i'm really glad they're not.

i'm not saying that every queer story ends in heartbreak. but i am saying that it's common for those pre-teen/teenaged formative experiences-- the ones where you're young and inexperienced and unsure because what if dad found out? or mom? those stories, those connections, they are almost bound to break your heart.

luca paints a picture of a story just like that. luca has a deep fascination for something that's forbidden. he takes a chance, befriends someone-- alberto, who's already crossed over into this other land-- and falls in love with all of it. he goes to great lengths to hide this from his parents. when they find out, they try to send him away to a place that will try to permanently change him and his perception of what he actually wants, so he decides to run away with this other, braver person instead.

they go to a town that's unwelcoming to a fatal extent. they have to stay hidden to survive. they make a friend-- but they can't even trust her, at first, since her father is one of the people that wants their kind dead. i could go on and on and on-- the point is, this all reads queer. allegorically, or within the film itself.

and the ending, the goodbye-- it's bittersweet, because this is something they're not ever going to be able to replicate. this has changed all of the characters, internally, in every way-- but especially the main two. it always gets me choked up, because i know that feeling. and a lot of other queer people do, too.

basically, they're not REALLY gay, but aren't they? when you watch luca as a queer film, everything gets so much worse, because the "what-could-have-been," or even the "what-could-be" becomes so glaringly obvious and beautifully awful. and it's GREAT. why would i want them to be boyfriends within the story itself, when what we're presented with already is so much more complicated and gut-wrenching, especially when you contextualize it with the time period? why would i want fanon luberto to be canon when canon luberto already fucking slaps?

tldr: luca and alberto are only kind of gay. the vague platonic-ness of the nature of their relationship plays to the strengths of the story. i am absolutely obsessed with this film

sorry if some of this is a little incoherent i refuse to proofread byebye

[dandelion-wings]

it's really easy to write young!Kaeya as abused before Crepus took him in, I have read and enjoyed those fics, but I honestly enjoy much more the concept that a lot of his reactions at first just look like the way people expect an abused kid to act (being unfamiliar with the sky and hence agoraphobic and fearful outdoors, quiet and retiring at first because he's still adapting to the language and customs and doesn't want to be found out through a mistake, flinchy around adult strangers because. they're adult strangers and he's a malnourished little kid, with the aforementioned fear of exposing himself only magnified by the Adult Strangers part, etc.), and once he realizes that this is making Crepus concerned about him, he feels obliged to play it up because it's getting him more care and attention and thus securing his place with the Ragnvindrs. but it leads to really awful presumptions about his original father and he hates that. that part is awful and he never really gets over it.

(someday I will finish the wingfic, in which this has become an unexpectedly significant part. but I enjoy it as a thing in general)

but the addendum to that line of thinking is that, depending on what other people know about the fight and about Diluc and Kaeya's relationship in general, it is possible to likewise take Kaeya's... ~everything~ as an adult and attribute that to abuse at the Dawn Winery. he used to be quiet and reserved and Diluc's shadow, but he's blossomed into a much more charismatic individual since Diluc left and he moved away from the Winery. he was injured in the fight, but refuses to say more than that he provoked it, and sometimes, in his cups (or during his first frantic refusal to let anyone investigate or press charges), that he deserved it. he tends to avoid going to the Winery and acts as if he has none of the family privileges. despite his friendly mask, some people can definitely catch glimpses behind it, and there's a wariness there about opening up to people and a whole fucking lot of trauma. he hates when people make these assumptions just as much as he did the ones about his original father, but they're pretty impossible to believably deny without peeling the lids off a lot of boxes he doesn't want anyone touching.

anyway, the specific upshot of that most often tends, for me, to be that Lisa, who didn't know Diluc but is very perceptive and, in my headcanon, rather older and more learned than Kaeya, comes back to Mondstadt to become Ordo Librarian, more-or-less befriends him (and/or ends up sharing Jean with him, which leads to the same result), learns all the information above in bits and pieces, and, in that manga scene where she's drinking tea with Diluc, is 100% contemplating whether she could get away with poisoning him. :>

(obviously her views have changed by the time of the Weinlesefest, if I'm lining this up with canon. but I have soft spots for both Lisa and Kaeya being friends and Lisa being vengefully protective and for dunking on Diluc, and sometimes I want to indulge that >> )

[amazinglyegg]

JAY! JAY! JAY! JAY!

The most basic survivor with the most basic story! Very long ramble about him below the cut (sorry)

Physical appearance

Short, skinny, pale (malnourished vibes)

Part way through his story he loses his eyes from a grenade and gets synth eyes as prosthetics

Has scars all over his body from that incident, as well as the average amount of scars for a wastelander

Always wears long sleeves, usually a white tshirt

Jean jacket over top with some silly little patches!!!

I am terrible at clothes so idk what pants he wears. Vaguely grey probably

Other outfits you'll see him in are any random clothes he needs when going undercover in the railroad (he keeps an outfit in his bag for synths still in their old uniform!) and rarely the Brotherhood flight suit when it's laundry day

Backpack

Big ol' hiking backpack he scavenged in sanctuary, also ties his sleeping bag on the bottom

Food, water, and caps are necessary

Sketchbook and pencil to keep him busy while having to sit around and wait, loves sketching and journalling

Teddy bear! Lovingly named Mr. Cuddlesworth, keeps him tucked away so nothing bad happens to him

Fancy Lads for any synths he comes across, also (not in the picture) a blank box filled with chems for bribing his way out of problems with raiders and the like

Uses his baseball bat, especially before he got comfortable with guns, but occasionally uses Rightous Authority and a combat shotgun

Keeps an extra knife on hand as well as pepper spray and a rape whistle, both of which he kept on his body since pre-war

Stats!

Physically weak but very perceptive - not very high charisma but his perception usually helps him along

High perception means he has very sensetive ears, which can both be useful and a problem (prone to sensory overload!)

His perks aren't based on his SPECIAL at all

Medic - he was trained as a scribe in the Brotherhood of Steel, much more comfortable healing than fighting

Vans - He's practically reliant on his pipboy to keep track of all his quests! It has a detailed map and GPS that can even give directions out loud

Rooted - He's a freeze response type of guy. 100% deer in the headlight vibes

Personality

He's a big ol' scaredy cat!

Trauma from the vault has left him absolutely terrified of enclosed spaces, the dark, and radroaches. Also dislikes loud sounds, the cold, alcohol, and chems

He likes touch and always gives out hugs and handshakes! He also likes the sun (and light), nature, sweets, sleeping, being non-violent, and brahmin

He's a crybaby and will cry at every little thing. Just give him 15 minutes and he'll be fine

He's very naive and trusting, especially starting out. He just blindly goes along with what anyone says, and that becomes an extreme as he tries to cope with how much the world changed

Everything's in ruins now? Okay. There's cows with two heads? Okay. You're going to rob me and steal all my money? Okay... wait.

Always tries to see the best in people and things, and will much rather get shot than risk shooting someone who may not be a danger to him (hey, maybe they're only aiming a gun at him because they misunderstand! We can talk things out!)

Very rarely gets angry or loses his cool - tends to just cry instead. Not too great in the wasteland!

He doesn't like kids (and didn't like Shaun, which he feels guilty about...) despite being so childish and friendly. He gets along with them great! He just... doesn't like them...

Story

Jay has two storylines of sorts, one of my first playthrough and one of my second playthrough that diverges a bit

My first playthrough is a Railroad playthrough

Jay is Shaun's older brother. Their father was a veteran and Sanctuary was a small neighborhood specifically advertised as PTSD/veteran friendly (AKA HOA had a field day with banning fireworks and loud parties, and didn't bother with much else...) - Codsworth was also part of a pack for veterans!

Jay gets some basic survival skills from Preston and the group (after becoming severely ill due to a 200yr old immune system, but whatever) and leaves with Codsworth to Diamond City

He meets Nick and joins the Railroad quickly after! However Codsworth gets pretty beaten up in Vault 114 and after staying with Arturo for a while Jay convinces him to go to Sanctuary where it's safe

At some point Jay runs off on his own to try and collect the last few of Winter's holotapes, which is where he gets cornered by gunners in Quincy and throws a grenade which bounces off the wall and back near his own feet

He was mostly blind and severely injured, and staggers his way back to Railroad HQ (thanks to his high perception + VANS to guide him) where he gets taken to Doctor Amari and gets his synth eyes

He infiltrates the Institute and befriends X6, and also finds out he's a synth after reading a terminal he was told very sternly not to look into

In the same way Shaun is sort of a test for child synths, Jay is a test for teenage synths, as well as to study personality and emotions, and how a synth would grow if they believed to be human

Barely anyone knows this, save for Father and maybe a few other scientists, so Jay keeps it a secret until the Railroad is attacking the place, where he tells Father on his deathbed that he knows the truth

Father tells him that they're not real brothers and he feels nothing for him, and Jay responds by telling Father that he loves him and that their parents would be proud of him before mercy shooting him in the head

He adopts synth Shaun and gets adopted by Nick, making a family of entirely robots (including Codsworth!)

Far Harbor comes after this and stuff happens idk this is getting very long, but DiMA is his uncle!!

The second playthrough, which is forever unfinished, is a Brotherhood playthrough, follows all the main plotpoints above with a few changed details

Instead of immediately leaving to Diamond City after Call to Arms, he and Codsworth stay with Danse and his group with the promise of food, shelter, and in-depth survival and weapon training (he's still relying on his baseball bat at this point despite his horrible strength stat)

Codsworth eventually goes back to Sanctuary (all this fighting stresses him out) and Jay does still find the Railroad and go along with them, but he spends a majority of his time on the Prydwen learning everything he needs to know

Jay's still supportive of synths but is less active in the Railroad, and he finds out he's a synth around a week or two before the events of Blind Betrayal

After Blind Betrayal Jay leaves the Brotherhood and goes for a Minutemen and Railroad ending, where the two factions sort of combine, and a lot of settlers are either rescued synths or helping the Railroad in some way

Danse is also in the Minutemen! Although he's mostly unaware of how involved in the Railroad they are - Jay is trying to ease him into it slowly but it's taking a WHILE to unlearn all that Brotherhood propaganda!

Jay isn't as active in the Railroad in this playthrough, and he's more critical of their ways of doing things. He's a bit more distant with Nick (as Danse sort of takes the roll of surrogate father) but generally the vibes are the same

These two stories somehow both exist equally in my head, so I guess they're both "canon"!

Fun facts!

Jay is a genre of person. Whenever there's an RPG and I can't tell if I should make an OC or pretend to be myself, I make Jay! He also exists in Stardew Valley!

Jay is my middle name, but not on purpose. While getting my name changed my mom offered to include Jay as a middle name (unrelated to my OCs) and I went along with it. Jay had already existed for a while before this!

Jay's original design included a hard hat. I decided it wasn't for him.

Jay disliked Codsworth and Shaun before the war. He was going through an angsty phase and was a bit jealous of not being the only child anymore. He feels very guilty about it now

He can't bring himself to go back to Sanctuary anymore so most of the Minutemen's work is done at the Castle

During The Lost Patrol he finds himself alone at the Revere Satellite Array and trades a bunch of food, water, and caps with the Super Mutants in exchange for Scribe Faris' holotags (and his life). Danse is not happy about this

Despite the fact I never travelled with Curie or Strong in my playthroughs, he's friends with them! He thinks they're pretty chill

The first person he tells about being a Synth is X6, and he asks whether he knew. X6 had no idea.

He doesn't tell Nick for a looong time because of his reaction when DiMA asks if he's a synth. He asks DiMA for advice after the events of Far Harbor before he tells Nick.

[TRIGGER WARNING beyond this point for claustrophobia, suffocation, roaches, PTSD, and suicide] He spent several hours stuck inside the vault, barely able to move or breathe due to having to dethaw in an already cold room. His cryopod couldn't open from the inside and he was slowly suffocating as the seals were air-tight. He had to claw his way through the cushioning to get to some wires that, when broken, finally released the doors.

He was still too weak and pained to move, and the radroaches started swarming him once they sensed fresh meat. They didn't do much damage to him but it was still very traumatizing

The first thing he did as soon as he got out of that room was try and shoot himself with the 10mm. The safety was on and he didn't know how to switch it off, so he gave up

Attempted suicide again a few days later after the power armor from the Museum of Freedom reminded him of the cryo pod and triggered a nasty flashback (plus the general stress of everything), but gets stopped by Codsworth. After retelling this to Captain Cade he finds out that it's not a "normal panic attack" and that he does in fact have PTSD, and that he's not allowed in power armor until he gets his symptoms under control.

[cliozaur]

Finally, no one is dying, but this chapter hurts in a different way. We are back to the beginning of the day of 5 June. It feels like a Groundhog Day that we have to experience and live through as many times as there are characters. It’s Jean Valjean’s turn to endure this cursed day.

Toussaint is my only solace here. At least one reasonable, perceptive, and not curious person present in this realm of self-absorbed individuals: thanks to her, they have some basic clothing (including a national guard uniform) and are aware of insurrection in the city.

Jean Valjean has been on an emotional roller coaster. It was good that he finally felt relaxed and peaceful after moving out of the house on Rue Plumet, but the way he dreamt about leaving for London with Cosette at his side and his conviction that he possesses her are not good. It makes him so similar to Marius. They both make poor girl the centre of their existence, and while it is meant as a flattering thing, it is not. It’s a burden. She deserves better than this.

Valjean’s mood dramatically changes when he discovers traces of Cosette’s message to Marius on a blotting book. He regresses to his emotional state before he met the bishop, a state in which hatred towards mankind prevailed. He is full of self-pity, and in his thoughts, Cosette once again figures as some kind of reward for his past sufferings. Hugo delves into lengthy explanations that Valjean’s feelings for Cosette are complex, but there is nothing objectionable (meaning sexual) in them.

Concerning this phrase: “Try then the effect of taking from the lion the dog which he has in his cage!” Did anyone of you read this story at school? Apparently, it was a popular story in the nineteenth century, and many authors retold it. In elementary school, we had to read this story retold by some Russian classical author (I think it was Tolstoy). A lion in the zoo did not kill a small dog that got into his cage because it was amusing and friendly. Instead, he shared food with it (and probably there was more, but I don’t remember the details). And then the dog died. A week later, the lion died of grief. (Another traumatic story for the kids!) So, it means that Valjean (the lion) will die as soon as his little dog (Cosette) is taken from him.

After his revelation, Valjean becomes interested in the “fighting” (insurrection). But we will never learn what his initial plan was before he intercepted Marius’ letter. And he just sits and waits outside in the darkness.

[ambrossart]

My question is about Evelyn and her yellow dress, I suppose Evelyn had never dressed that way, right? Why during that episode almost everyone he met noticed his outfit or mentioned it, was it really that exaggerated? (and even if it was, it justifies what happened to her) because it was just a simple dress and makeup and at the beginning of the chapter she felt great and happy with her clothes she was comfortable that made me think but then after arriving at school she started to feeling uncomfortable and Henry mentions that in the dining room there were many eyes looking at her. Was it her perception at that moment or was it really like that? Because it was simply normal, I mean, I suppose there are more girls who would dress like that and put on makeup, for example, Manda or Liz, who are also girls who dress up and also wore outfits to call them sexy in a certain way, nothing is said to them, but Evelyn is He gets attention for that and so much fuss is created.

So why is Evelyn punished so much for it or looked at so much just for wearing a dress when it is something completely normal? She just wanted to feel pretty for once and this happens to her, and also another thing Martin has special for her. I hate Evelyn? It's only with her because he has also raped other girls but with Evelyn I don't know if I can say that it's even worse, I really feel sorry for Evelyn and she feels so insecure with herself and her body and now with what Martin did even worse and the accident with Henry for feeling that she is not attractive enough or not feeling valued as a woman for her body. She is only 15 years old, obviously she is not a little girl but she is a teenager, she is developing and she is growing.

All right, let’s settle the debate about Evelyn’s yellow dress once and for all.

If that dress was actually slutty or inappropriate in any way, I promise you Steph Price would have had something to say about it. Greta Bowie would have had something to say about it. Liz Mueller would have had something to say about it. In fact, Liz probably would have pulled Evelyn aside and very nicely told her that she’s dressed like a sleazy tramp and that everyone in school’s talking about it. Then she’d offer to go grab her a change of clothes or something.

But that didn’t happen. Because there was nothing wrong with Evelyn’s dress. Was it a bold look for her? Yes, but that’s just because Evelyn usually dresses… modestly? professionally? Those aren’t the right words, so I’ll let the text speak for itself:

When Henry first saw her, he had to do a double-take. Images flashed through his head like reels on a View-Master: Evelyn in knit sweaters and sweater vests, in striped tees and light-wash jeans, in baggy spring overalls and puffy winter coats, with mittens, scarves, and stocking caps, because she didn't care how dorky she looked when she was trying to stay warm. Henry tried to reconcile those images with the new image in front of him, of Evelyn with big hair and a full face of makeup, in a short yellow dress with a flouncy little skirt that went whoosh-whoosh every time she moved her hips (and she had hips now—the dress made that more apparent than ever), but he couldn't reconcile them at all.

Evelyn’s typical style is practical. It’s functional. It’s comfortable. But on that day, just that day, she wanted to dress differently. She wanted people to see her differently. Not as the annoying student council girl. Not as Little Miss Goodie-Two-Shoes Tozier. For that one day, Evelyn wanted to feel like all the other girls. She wanted to feel pretty and feminine and, yes, maybe even a little sexy. And that’s totally okay. Evelyn’s fifteen, not five. She’s allowed to freely express and explore her sexuality—as long as it’s done in a safe and tasteful way, of course. And it was! It really was! Evelyn even wore stockings, for goodness sake (much to Patrick’s disappointment).

In short, nobody thought that dress was inappropriate. Nobody. Not the girls. Not even the boys. They all thought she looked very pretty. That’s it.

The only people who had a problem with it are toxic, women-hating assholes like Martin and… unfortunately… Henry, but with Henry it’s a little more complicated.

At this point, Henry’s struggling with his growing sexual attraction to Evelyn. By now, we all know what happened before freshmen-year finals (and if you don’t know, stop reading this before you get even more spoiled) and Henry’s still very much dealing with that.

Now it’s his first day back from suspension and Evelyn is dressed… not like Evelyn, something that Henry notices right away. And he has two reactions to this: first he gets a little aroused (whoops) and then he gets very angry and territorial.

If he’s having this response to her, what are the other guys thinking? Are they noticing her, too?

Henry doesn’t want other guys noticing Evelyn. He doesn’t want other guys looking at her or thinking about her in that way. Hands off, everyone. She’s taken.

So to answer your question—

Were all the boys staring at Evelyn in the lunchroom? No, nobody was looking at her. That was just Henry being hypersensitive and letting his dad’s bullshit get into his head.

Henry was in a very vulnerable headspace at that moment. He’s back in school. Feeling completely out of place. The girl who sexually assaulted him is sitting a few tables away. (That alone is messing with his head.) He sees Patrick groping Evelyn (wtf?). She’s letting him (WTF?). She’s wearing that damn dress.

What is going on right now? What happened while he was suspended?

Henry just started panicking. It’s really that simple.

Now Martin… yeah, that guy’s just a dick. He hates Evelyn and everything she stands for. Ever since they were kids, she’s been sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong, and Martin has been waiting for the perfect opportunity to teach her a lesson.

He sees Evelyn hanging out in the senior locker area. Sees her wearing that yellow dress.

Martin knew exactly what she was doing by wearing that dress. So he took that very innocent intention, twisted it into something shameful and ugly, and he weaponized it against her.

Martin assaulting Evelyn wasn’t about sex and it wasn’t even a rape. It was about making her feel small and worthless. And Henry showing up when he did was just the mother of all bad timings.

“See, Tozier? No one’s interested.”

I don’t think Martin realizes just how effective and painful that lesson was for her.

[mushroom-jack]

Tompercy Character Reference

Having finished another tompercy WIP with no plans for another one in the works, here is another reference post for the tumblr girlies. These are the characterization bios that I made a while ago in order to get a grasp of their personalities, motives, and have something to reference for their physical appearance rather than always CTRL F-ing A Study of Resonance. This post will be linked in my pinned; I hope it gives interesting insight as to how I see these characters :)

Percival “Percy” Ignatius Weasley-Prewett

Born: August 22, 1976

Appearance: wavy red hair, brown eyes (to match Molly), tortoiseshell glasses. Has freckles, eyebags, and acne, but is practiced at glamoring his face. Otherwise, his features are fairly unremarkable. Blushes easily. Lanky, average height, not particularly athletic. Dresses to come across as respectable, high-class, and sophisticated – wears a variety of colors in order to conform to seasonal fashions. When not a wizard, he is partial to knit sweaters/sweater vests, slacks, dress shirts, and peacoats. Casually, you may find him in his usual slacks and a crew-neck university sweatshirt of some sort. 

Personality: earnest, determined, and prideful. Interested in proving himself and earning the respect of his family and peers, but not through hiding who he is (slight superiority complex + rampant self-esteem issues). Wishes he was brought up in a respectable pureblood family. Intensely autistic; doesn’t understand most casual social cues and prefers strict formal etiquette rules, wishes to stick to his routine and dislikes sudden change, fascinated and enamored by his academic fields of choice, prefers interacting with competent adults rather than peers, and is shockingly lonely despite generally preferring solitude. 

Has a continued guilty-complex about most things, including pursuing his personal ambitions rather than giving into his parents’ wishes, not being a perfect brother to his siblings, and his continued association with Tom (whatever form that might take). Feels everything very strongly, but especially shame. Ultimately a product of his childhood: his perception of his parents’ pride forcing their entire family to live in poverty and discouraging him and his siblings from seeking out opportunities, being the only person with his flavor of autism in his household and therefore never being understood or really respected by the people around him, and having insane middle child syndrome… affected him!

Generally takes after his mother in pride, stubbornness, self-righteousness, and the way he likes to run his household. Jealous and admiring of Tom in equal measure. 

Tom Marvolo Riddle

Born: December 31, 1926

Appearance: coiffed dark brown hair, dark gray eyes with silver flecks (though they are dark blue in ASOR), aristocratic features; high cheekbones, long eyelashes, straight nose, sharp jaw. His skin is smooth and fair. He’s tall and well-proportioned; overall he is exceedingly conventionally handsome and aesthetically pleasing. He carries himself very fluidly, like water, and has generally practiced all his movements to perfection, as if brought up in a very aristocratic pureblood house. He dresses well and classically, mostly in grays, greens, white/cream, and black. When not a wizard, he is partial to leather oxfords, blazers/waistcoats/suits, cashmere sweaters, and also slacks. Casually, you may find him in jeans and a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up. 

Personality: exceedingly prideful, intelligent, cunning, and ambitious; a textbook Slytherin in every universe. Believes in the value of a meritocracy – disparages nepotism and similar methods of gaining power, but values intelligence and competence in others… so long as they agree that he is still better than them and admire him accordingly. Such is his pride. Bookish and hungry for knowledge, and dislikes (but sucks up to) authority unless he determines that the figure is Worthy of His Respect. Perfectly willing to play a role in order to get what he wants – power – even if that means playing nice with purebloods he doesn’t give a shit about. Generally reaches a point, eventually, where he decides that he is now the most powerful wizard in the world and is therefore the ultimate authority, and may as well be God (usually around age 17). After this he will never respect anyone else as an authority ever again, unless they repeatedly beat him in duels (both physical and intellectual). 

Intensely autistic also; hates when things don’t make logical sense, dislikes the unexpected, fairly asocial, and has great difficulty relating to and empathizing with (and therefore having sympathy or compassion for) other people – most of whom he sees as unintelligent, weak, too ruled by emotions, and easy to manipulate. Ultimately a product of his childhood, where he was demonized by every adult figure in his life, shunned by all his peers, surrounded by death and suffering in his various forms (hunger, disease, cold, and war), and yet was smarter and more talented than everyone around him and also had literal magic. Even upon going to Hogwarts, he was called slurs and shunned purely for his background, and never seen for his true talent and skill until he started hurting people… which positively enforced for him that hurting people was effective for getting what he wants (power and respect). 

Thinks he likes Percy best when he is being subservient; actually prefers when Percy is being intelligent, ambitious, competent, and witty – which are the things that he likes Percy for and was fascinated by in the first place. Will never really view Percy as an equal, but likes him well enough, and finds him intelligent and interesting. 

[dilutedgrey]

I have many thoughts about ben and the very intentional (belatedly) ways i like to approach his narrative but the biggest thought is that he is an addict and it's generally very severe in that he grows (which is. a loaded word because it's not growth in a positive connotation but in the way that his body becomes accustomed to the substances to a point where there's a long period of time that he physiologically needs them to survive) and it absolutely decimates his personal relationships. every single one of them. and they have endless love and grace for him but that is (almost) not ever going to be enough to "save" him.

narratively i've found just through time and development that he rejects a lot of conventionality. he can't do conventional things it's like an antithesis. a lot of people/characters/narratives turn to conventionality, normalcy (derogative) to mark healing or positive change but absolutely it makes ben worse.

he doesn't get clean by accepting in the love of his friends and family because he already has that love. that is such an innate part of him and part of why he acts the fucking way he does is because he knows he has that unconditional love and that he always will (because quiet as it's kept, and as much as he'd rather chew a jean jacket than admit it, he still has that same unconditional love for bobby. if bobby came back, magically, ben would be mad, but he couldn't stay that way. he'd let him do it again, over and over, because he loves him despite.) SO that love is never going to be enough to save him. and a removal of that love, as some kind of consequence, would only affirm his beliefs and ALSO would just. make him worse

he has to go to equine therapy and live on a fucking ranch in the middle of nowhere to get clean and function as a part of a community so he can go back to his family and be able to function as a human being without something helping him, to be able to provide to his personal community and not just take, take, take and to be able to do that even when he feels like shit. because he feels like shit most of the time but like that's life. sometimes you just have to take it

which isn't a linear process and so hypothetically if he had children he would literally stress so bad about potentially having a relapse while they're growing up/passing it down to them that it would indeed cause. A RELAPSE!

and he loves being an uncle and a brother, he's literally a father figure to plenty of people, but the thought of being a father would literally send him into a spiral.

and marriage is complicated, but I think that's because anyone in a romantic relationship with him like. it's inherently complicated. he's fucked up! his perceptions on love and care and deservedness that ultimately come from a place of deep deep fear (that cannot be soothed because he thinks if you love someone that means they're going to leave you. he loved bobby with his whole heart and bobby is DEAD and will always be so what alternative is there to offer to change his mind. and also he acts up nearly every minute on the minute so quite objectively most people SHOULD leave! and they do! it's a self fulfilling prophecy so he can give himself an excuse to avoid intimacy so he doesn't have to suffer the "inevitability")

is somebody gonna match my freak is somebody going to match his literally suffocating codependency before he realizes he loves you and then the subsequent immediate withdrawal JUST as he realizes it?

[myers-meadow]

Otis B. Driftwood x reader: Knocking on a stranger's door

Title: Knocking on a stranger's door

Warnings: none.

Pairing: Otis B. Driftwood x gn reader.

Wordcount: 787

Summary: You're stranded with car trouble, but a kind family helps you out. Otis puts your mind at ease with a warm drink and a movie - and keeps you warm in more ways than one.

This is the alternative beginning of this fic 'sweet thing/forgotten hot cocoa', so if you want to know how this continues, read that one!

Divider by @/delishlydelightfuldividers

Who’d thought the road trip would end with you on the couch of a strange house, watching a black and white movie, and next to you the eccentric man you met only just hours before? Car trouble lead you here, knocking on a stranger’s door for help. The big, gruff looking guy was out, fixing the car, refusing offers of payment, but not speaking much to ease your nerves. That was when Otis came, chatting with you, he took you to the kitchen where he rummaged around in the cabinets for two mugs. Deft hands with long fingers with dirt under the nails stirred cocoa powder and sugar in hot milk.

“Baby’s normally the one doin’ stuff like this for guests,” he mumbled, handing you your mug, a little roughly and it almost spilled. Without saying another word, he moved to the living room, and sank down into the couch. You followed, sitting down next to him, holding the mug with one hand, leaning it on your knee and adjusting the throw pillows behind your back.

“Thank you. You and your family are very kind,” you said. Otis put the mug down on the coffee table and shifted to look at you – really look at you. He said nothing still, just a calculating stare.

“Let’s see if they have a good movie on,” he said eventually, breaking the silence that made you fidget.

They did, or at least, to his judgement, one that was worth staring at and making  comments about every so often. After a few scenes, the female and male protagonists had a heated run in, and Otis’ hand crept up on your knee. A surprising but not unwelcome point of contact, as he was a handsome man – precisely the kind of rough around the edges that you liked. And now he was coming on to you? There was no way this was a friendly touch. He was hitting on you and the realisation made your heart hammer in your chest. You gave him a glance, which he caught; the eyes of a panther, a raised eyebrow, as if to say ‘are you gonna do something about it?’ and a barely perceptible squeeze of his hand. Then his eyes were back at the screen. The warmth of his hand spread through your entire body, and when he stroked his thumb back and forth it was a shock of electricity that almost made you jump. Before you finished the last of your hot cocoa, his hand had crept closer to the inside of your thigh. As you set the empty mug down, your hand touched his knuckles for just a second as you returned your hand to your side. You debated whether to be brave and make a move, or wait until he would. That brief touch would have to do, though, as the bravery quickly left you as he made some offhand comment about the scene that just played.

“Do you watch movies like these often? It’s an older one, right?”

He flashed a smile, “yeah, Mama likes ‘em. They’re not bad either, I mean, if you’re into that sort of thing. And Baby can quote them all dramatic like.”

“Really? That’s so cool. We never watched a lot of films, my parents and I. Is your family close?”

He leaned his head back for a second, his free hand digging into the ripped spot on his jeans. “Ain’t got nothin’ if we ain’t got family. They piss me off sometimes, though.”

You dared a short laugh when you spotted the smile he was trying to mask. “Sure they do. They sound like a great time.”

Something predatory bathed his face in shadow, but just for a moment. His grin showed plenty teeth. The hold on your thigh changed, tighter, fingers testing the give of the skin, eyes flickering over your body.

Otis turned his full attention to you then, letting go of your leg in favour of the back of the couch. “And you, you came here all alone?” his voice low and husky.

No partner – that was what he was actually asking. The way he looked at you made your breath hitch. He felt dangerous. It made you pause, before you shook your head. He grinned in response.

“Good,” he said, and two spidery fingers fell to your shoulder and walked their way to your neck, up until his hand wrapped around the back of your neck. You leaned in to him, letting one hand drop to his leg, the other copying his at the back of his neck.

“I’d love a sweet thing like you,” was all he said, and your lips met his in a hot kiss, tasting hot cocoa and whipped cream.  

[av-potatogun]

Grievances and spoilers for TUA under the cut

Okay, so first, Ben in the subway/train for the end teaser of season 3, they said it would be explained in the new season and that it was defo sparrow Ben, but i did not find an explanation anywhere

actual grievance preface; many of my issues would be solved if this season had more fucking episodes. the lack of depth stems directly from being only allowed a pond. a 4 hour difference loses so much already barely there depth (i still lament what they did to s3 Allison). also i miss my 45 min episodes w 22 episodes a season :(((( what happened to being able to show the amount of effort in the quality by the sheer amount of plotlines that deserved their own episode to explore.

anyway, to actual grievances. first Five and Lila. it has a weird implication that reminds me of early tua Five x reader fics where-in the only reason they get together is because theyre trapped alone together for years. You can develop a codependent relationship without it being romantic or sexual. In fact, it would make more thematic sense for the two individuals with major trust issues from the same source to become too intrinsically trusting of one another that the fact that they even developed trust is what is destroying their connections to others.

also it would arguably be more compelling for the wedge Five is driving between Lila and Diego to be completely projected by Diego instead of being an actual concern that he was right to have. Let Diego be insecure and need to process and learn from that to become a better partner, don't let him be justified in his insecurity. Diego has been built on insecurity this entire show, make him confront it.

Real quick- characters who suffered from the lack of showtime: Claire, Grace, The Twins (did they even get named in show), Lila's whole family, Abigail, Jennifer, Gene and Jean and their cult, the cultist CIA, etc. There was so much that could be done, and not enough time to flesh any of it out. Hell, even the siblings (and Lila) all suffered from the lack of showtime, they just had previous seasons to counter-balance.

Genuine plot issue for no reason other than to poke fun I think ? Luther being ape bodied upon marigold entering his system.

also bs, the marigold durango thing- 1) why would marigold at the least not be introduced by name earlier, 2) why are they catastrophic when the explanation just implies supersymmetry, or should it have been further explained that someone else had made their own element that direct counters Abigails? 3) why tf are their names marigold and durango? genuinely why, they could either be more scientific sounding names or names with meaning that imply their use. When you're gonna introduce new concepts so late in the game, make them fit seamlessly into the world you already built, make them fill in blanks, not create more.

This leads me to the ending, which I hated. it felt like a copout, to say that they could never escape the shadow of Reginald's perceptions of them and grow as people because their very existence is a mistake. This was not an ending that fit for them. I'm not saying it needed to be a happy ending, but it needed them to break Reginald's molds and ideas, not Abigail. The ending could have been sad, it could have been emotionally draining, instead I just watched eight people die mad. This ending could have fit if the effort was put into it (which calls back to the lack of time), but as it stood, seemed blotted on as a way to end.

I would have loved for them to have consequence to their existence, losing what they'd worked to get, because none of it was in the original timeline. Each of them strapped with new burdens, but they'd lost one or two of the siblings in the struggle and it drove them all apart, this time for good. I would have accepted that as my sad ass ending. Not some shit about how you can never change the circumstances of your existence and you'll always be exactly what your adopted father saw in you.

Speaking of, I do kinda hate that we cannot know more about s1 Reggie. This man had completely different aspirations from the sounds of things, and it implied he knew of Viktor's coming explosion, so what made him so different from Sparrow Reggie. And I don't mean in later life, I understand the Sparrows drugged him.

Anyway, plot hole time again; Ben arrested for crypto despite people never actually seen using modern devices. Arrest him for a better crime, give him one that earns him sympathy points with Jennifer so I believe their connection pre touch better.

I am nowhere near done complaining, it is a favorite past time of mine, however this post is very long.