#woops i had some stuff to say

[ordophilosophicus]

What it means to be a Moreau:

An essay and analysis of Jean Moreau's character-conflict  (Aftg and TSC - spoilers)

What this will not be about: The actual content of the book. Ok, that's not fully true. I am not about to discuss if something that happens itself is good/bad, in character etc. Or criticize topics.

What this will be is an analysis of parallels, character-motifs and questions concerning their trajectory and hindsight of actions. Questions AND Ideas how to answer these questions.

What does it mean when Jean states "I am a Moreau '', Why does TSC feel a bit like a crunched up Aftg? What constitutes the actual conflict of Jean - since either choice (staying or leaving) appears to be certain death? Why does Rikos death and Kevin's betrayal (the hand thing) matter to Jean?  

The book came out and my heart went racing. These books (aftg and tsc) bring me great joy, all I will criticize and analyze in this tiny, a bit too long essay, is said with greatest love and sincerity towards these books. But there can be said a lot - especially about TSC.

Get a snack and hop on.

Parallels between aftg and tsc - Stories about identity:

First of all let's begin with Nora's great writing of POV's. In this book we do get two pov's, giving us contrast to Neils in Aftg. Meaning we see the world, the characters from three different perspectives. And Nora makes them all matter. In the end I will tie it back with interpreting Jeremys pov, but for now let's only look at Neils and Jeans. A lot of characterization is made by what is focused on in their respective povs. What characters are interesting, how much rumination (thought) vs action is expressed. Both are unreliable narrators, and both tell us so much about what matters to them.

Both Aftg (Neils arc) and TSC (Jeans arc) are about the loss and gain of identity. From the retrospective, the arc consists of questions such as: Who am I?; Can I change who I am?; and what am I worth? But both arcs start with a clear sense of identity which is threatened.

However, somehow Neils arc is more concise and clear cut. Of course, part of this can be attributed to the simple fact that there will be a (second and maybe third part) to come for TSC, but it's mainly the groundworks I think which are "lacking". They are not necessarily lacking but rather not as (clear/spelled out).

The theme of "Identity" is special, since the stakes in the book/ark are about identity and its loss. Other stakes (death, loss of friendship, love etc) are not the main focus. The characters struggle and peril is about the loss of identity, which would mark a step into an unknown world they cannot navigate, and bring other dangers they avoided or dealt with the current identity. (Example: Lying vs telling the truth. Former obstructs the consequences of the truth, the later means you need to deal with the consequences.) On the other hand, it is the alternative identity which provides something of interest for the charatcer, creating a conflict of WANTING and perception of SELF. They WANT friends, but would need to GIVE UP their former sense of protection.

We are introduced to Neil Josten, and his very solid perception of identity. He is "nothing" = He has no right and no attachment to anything. He is a liar and alone. The conflict is created by offering him Exy and later on a team. Security stands in conflict with ending his loneliness and the feeling of not mattering. Nora introduces this conflict very early and very clearly. It is what makes us sympathize and, more importantly, understand and buy into the crazy thing Neil does to keep his secrets.

However, there is another identity which rides that one of "Neil Josten." Nathaniel Wesninski, the identity attached to that name, becomes more prominent throughout the books, and in the end, Neil needs to accept this identity to move on.

Nathaniel Wesninski's identity is very much spelled out in AFTG and it must be so, to make this shift of identity so impactful. A Wesninski is: loyal, does not lie, cruel but true. The very opposite of Neil Josten.

Nathaniel Wesninski is tied to the Moriamas, and is tied to his father. To pain, loss and a life of consequences and responsibility. (Not to run). The stake to shift to this identity (to be this person) is made clear by showing throughout the books how each of these parts are dangerous. And every step Neil takes (especially in the first and second book) is to avoid having to lose Neil Josten and be Wesnisnki.

And it works excellently. We fear WITH Neil when he makes the shift to Wesnisnki in Lolas car, and it is an epiphany when Riko dies and Neils makes a deal with Ichiro. When he wins in Exy and can play Exy. Because he not only shifted in the identity, he did not lose Neil Josten. He successfully changed to a Wesninski, to then further to a NEW Neil Josten. (Important: It's not losing an identity, which makes the arc powerful. It's the change of self. Nora is very explicit by making it a three step program. Josten. Wesninski, and "New" Josten.) We see what is the conflict, we get the stakes, and we see how Neil resolves the problems and takes on a new, stronger identity.

TSC is about Jean and a similar problem. However the swap, or rather the whole conflict does not appear as strong as with Neil. And the reasons for it are very simple, though still relevant for the trajectory of the story and possibility for the reader to emphasize and root for Jean.

TSC starts out with the bonus that we are already entranced with the fate of Jean and understand The Nest and Riko. However, what we do not know is Jeans' identity. Who does he think he is?; What stakes does he think hinge on being "Jean Moreau, the Raven, belonging to the Moriyamas' '? WHY is it so tremendous to leave the Nest, and what does he have to gain? What is the trade and what is the challenge? Etc. All that we have established with the Neil example prior.

Through Jean's mantra we get told that Jean has some kind of values attached to being "a Moreau '' and being "part of the Nest/belonging to the Moriyamas". The fatal problem is, we are never told what this actually means.

As readers we can understand why Jean is afraid to leave the nest, what Riko has done and could do to them. But this does not create the conflict we are looking for and plays out in the book. The conflict is happening, but the pov Nora gives us through Jean does not sufficiently explain what this conflict actually is about.

The answer is given implicitly and between the lines. These few bits I will try to spell out and interpret. Further, there could be a stronger case in certain scenarios, to make the conflict around Jeans identify stronger, and his relation to other characters more impactful.

First let's consider:

"What does it mean to be a Moreau?"

When Jean realizes he had been taken from Evermore, he tries to bargain with others and himself that he cannot leave. "Because he is a Moreau", and he belongs to Riko/the Moriyamas. But we are not let in WHY this exactly is a problem. Oh no, how horrible to not be beaten to death. If Jean leaves, Riko and his family will be angry and could try killing him. But the same appears to be possible if he GOES BACK. The whole first chapters establish that Jean is neither safe in nor outside the nest. (He might think it's safer inside, but for the reader, it  is clear this being not the case.)

Therefore, this conflict is not of external stakes, but internal. If Jean leaves, it would mean breaking with his identity, losing himself, creating or letting in problems he formerly avoided or dealt with through the identity he is trying to keep. It is essential that we understand WHAT HE IS TRYING TO UPHOLD.

Duty and being reliable:

I think we can define "being a Moreau" by being a person who has a strong sense of duty. Who is reliable and  sensible. I mainly read this from the fact that Jean asks Jeremy to add "being conform with USC appearance" to his contract. He has a duty to serve Ichiro, and by putting conformity in the contract, by extension he has a duty to be conform.

""You will have to pen it in," Jean said. "I won't sign it unless you do." It was the only way this worked: If Jean signed something that said he had to behave to be allowed to stay on the lineup, he could bite his tongue and stay his fists. It'd piss him off beyond telling, but he could follow orders if it meant surviving another day." p.71(kindle)

But this does not fully explain why breaking with the ravens is problematic for Jean in the beginning of TSC. Nora has not forgotten or overseen this, but it's not explicitly put in the text. Jeans backstory is about being sold to the Moriyamas. He is given the duty by his parents to serve Moriyama. Nora had portrayed it very much in a way that Jean was very reluctant to do. Although understandable, I propose to read this character more strongly. Make this matter more:

Jean is an older brother, prior to being sold, he had already understood himself as a reliable and dutiful person. An older brother to take care of his baby sister. A Moreau to in the future take care of business. resourceful and reasonable. Dutiful and compliant.

When he is told by his parents he is sold "as Moreau" - not as anybody, he is sold with a duty to represent and pay off the depth(?) of his family. Perform on the court, show the worth, protect his family, his baby sister.

His place at Evermore and belonging to Riko would be/is tied to his understanding of being a Morou. Leaving Evermore, would mean to not fulfill his duty, to give up, to be unreliable, since his parents and his sister counted on him.

If we accept "duty" and "reliability" to stand in the center of Jean's identity and conflicts, all other relationships and actions are to be seen from the perspective of Jean trying to protect this identity and stay conform with it. Most notably this strengthens both the events and dynamic between Jean and Kevin, and Jean and Riko respectively.

Riko & The Ravens:

Imagine Jean had been brought to the Nest, unwilling, hurt by betrayal, but with a strong sense of duty to go through with this. Take this burden given to him, and perform. Riko would have picked up on this. The amount of violence, the "breaking in" of Jean was not simply cruelty or any weird family feud thing. It was Rikos testing, an attempt to break Jean's sense of self. If he would not be able to perform on court, not achieve it - he would break his promises. Jean's small but consistent rebellions against Riko are an expression to keep his duty. He plays games even if he is hurt, he does not kill himself. For Jean to fulfill his duty and sense of self(worth) means going along with whatever, and holding out whatever.

Giving up on Evermore is not only breaking his sense of identity and purpose, but also making the pain he insured pointless (as Jeremy notices so fittingly). It means Riko wins by breaking him. His fear of Riko is tied to his fear of losing his sense of self. And him losing Riko means he has failed his duty to play for him on the court. The ravens are described by Jean as "loving and hating" each other respectively. And that nobody in USC could ever understand. But nor can we truly. Why does Jean not hate them, why is he not happy Riko is gone? because it means he failed, and they all contributed to his identity and achievement of his promises. The deal he made with Zane was one of the best insights or examples we are given to understand the Nest. To FEEL the Nest dynamic. Survival, reliance, schemes, dependance. Cruel intimacy to others, to know their secrets and fears. If you are not tight with someone (Jean and Zane, or Jean and Kevin) you also cannot find a way to protect yourself. Knowing Zane loved that one Raven girl and wanted that number, gave him the ability to stay away from Grayson and not break. The ravens, and Riko are not only an obstacle to his success and upholding of his promises, they are the means to an end. He needs them as much as he despises them. That's why leaving them, and Rikos death matters for Jean.

Kevin:

On the other hand we have the relationship between Kevin and Jean. We are given more insight on how Kevin got out of the Nest: by fucking over Jean. This scene or event is gutwrenching BUT it could be STRONGER if Jean would have known and been complicit with Kevin. Jean loved/liked at least cared about Kevin. Although his sense of duty is tied to Riko and the court, there would also be such a sense towards Kevin. Especially if Kevin came and asked him, directly. Confronting Jean with concieving him as a reliable, to be trsuted person. The one friend you count on the get you out of the shit. If one can help him, it is Jean. Because he is a Moreau. If we would read it as Jean accepting the consequences of helping Kevin, we would lose this ark of betrayal. But we would not need to erase the discontent and hurt Jean holds towards Kevin. For Kevin would have known and relied on Jean's self understanding, and played him. Used him as means of an end. Asking a person who is used to compromising their own safety, who understands themselves as a rock at a shore and understands the pain and fear one goes through - calling/playing on that is as much as a betrayal and use of a person as it is simple "not telling him". It makes it worse in some sense, because it highlights the intimacy between Kevin and Jean. They knew each other very well, and Kevin used that knowledge, in raven fashion, to survive.

(On the other hand, I would agree one could read it in the original way, Jean not knowing, because Kevin is aware of Jean's understanding of duty. That Jean would feel the sense that he NEEDS to betray Kevin. So there is still room for interpretation.)

SUMMERY:

Okay, okay. That was a lot. Let's surmise what I claim: That Jeans sense of self is shaped by duty, more explicitly the one he holds from his parents to be perfect court, please the Moriyamas and protect his family (sister).

Leaving the Ravens endangers all of this, all his sense of self and all he has done to achieve it.

Riko dying means there is never a way back, and he has failed. It upheaves all he is and wants, even though Riko and the Ravens did horrible things to him.

Neil making the deal with Ichiro formed a new duty, and gave him a way out. A compromise. Play court, but with USC. And still Jean loses a lot, or everything he considered constitutive of himself when he leaves the Ravens and comes to USC.

Whom he has duties to? Formerly his Raven partner, now? Jeremy offers to take the role. His experiences and background make him take duties towards the other Trojans to give him a sense of worth (asking if Cody is ok with touching/flirting with them.)

Neil drags him to the FBi and Stuard, and he comes to know all of his efforts to protect his family had been in vain. And it is that point in which his last tie of "old" sense of duty, breaks off. He cannot hold onto the same ideas and rules, duties and objectives as before.

For Jean, this break  is what is for Neil the end of a whole arc.

Whilst AFTG and TSC are similar in theme, they are very different in their outset. Whilst Neils whole arc is about getting and learning his new identity, Jean has to go through that all in one book. That's why we see and feel a great parallel between both characters, but also the arc itself. The telling of information, the parallel of fear of losing the old and gaining the new. Of betraying one's old identity/family in the end, and offer of a new, better, alternative.

However, Jeans arc does not end there. His story appears to be more about healing and the disconnect between outer, imposed, duty and value, and self-worth.

I think that's also why we get so little insight of Jeremys conflict in the first book. We get enough hints that have very likely to do with Jeremy being gay, stepfather, cops, maybe drugs and the family being publicly known. It has to do with imposed identity from the outside, self vs outer worth and dealing with that. We get so little from Jeremy, not only because he is an expert in talking and thinking around his own problems and issues, but because the story has Jean not ready yet. Jean first has to come in the same state Jeremy has been, or is in, before they both start pushing and pulling each other. Like Andrew and Neil could only start developing after Neil starts to compromise and change his sense of self, his willingness to be more than simple lying Neil Josten.

The same applies for Jean and Jeremy. But the end goal is about healing, and creating one's own self worth, rather than becoming a whole new self.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

p.s. I love Kevin, don't touch him.

[riwooga]

Cannot stop thinking about how it must theoretically feel for PC if they were to get married to Eden.

Like, going with the scenario Eden kidnapped them in the forest, (rather than Bailey selling them to Eden) and that then led to the stockholm syndrome, and ultimately ending up happily settling into life with Eden in the cabin.

It's better than town after all, no working tirelessly every day to make money, no creeps to avoid, no Bailey looming over their shoulder and extorting them in threat of being sold off, sure they might miss their friends, but overall, life with Eden is wonderful. Freeing.

And as they get more and more settled, romantic talks, convincing Eden that a little wedding would be a great idea, and PC being so excited for it,, except on the actual wedding date, just imagine the pure dread at seeing Bailey of all people show up as the best man.

Maybe Eden had mentioned he'd be inviting his friend, and maybe PC had even been excited to meet whoever that friend is, but the pure horror, dread, and shock at it not being just some guy, but Bailey.

The caretaker who they'd finally found comfort in getting away from, being safe from, not only the horror of him being Eden's friend, but frankly I imagine the feeling of a strange betrayal??

Eden was supposed to be better, better than the people in town and supposed to be safe, but he's friends with the man who made PC's life absolute hell?

Imagine how fast PC's mind would be moving in this situation, dread and paranoia slowly bubbling up of what ifs and questions without answers.

Would PC try to run? Barely a chance they could, and where'd they even go? But could they ever realistically look at Eden the same? It's.. 👀

[pyrriax]

hey guys im back at it again with the horrible levels of s4 zam brainrot. um.

did i manage to somehow make this song about him in my head? yes! yes i did. and i cannot be normal about it.

[zoesmp4]

WARMTH “and so, you drifted into sleep, finding solace in the warmth of his presence.” daryl dixon x fem!reader

tags: hurt to comfort, ass ending (i tried 💔), swearing, reader is on her period, short

a/n: first daryl fic woop woop!! everyone say thank you gracie cs she requested yet another good fic idea 😵‍💫 so it was supposed to be a fluff but it ended up being a htc.. oopsies.. but hope ygs enjoy!!

there were many perks that came from being a female. but periods? not one of them. you don’t know why your younger self was so eager to get it. to put it simply, periods sucked. they made you feel awful. 

before the apocalypse it was already pretty hard for you. but now, it was incomparable. after all, it’s not like you had shit just laying around to help you. 

so, whatever you thought was “rough” back then, it was way rougher now. when it was your time of month. you would get cranky, a stark contrast to your usual bubbly demeanor. on top of that, you also had to deal with the fatigue and endless mood swings. 

the worst thing though, was the cramps. the constant waves of sharp pain pushed you to your limit. 

they were also the reason you were currently perched on your bed, back leaning against the headboard, with your knees held up to your chest. 

honestly, it had been a decent day until now. you did some stuff to help out, and caught up with your friends. you were able to partially take your mind off of the discomfort you were feeling. 

but of course, the stupid cramps ruined it all. you had to excuse yourself before hastily making your way back to your room. you practically collapsed onto your bed the second you walked in. 

and that’s how you found yourself in this situation. if anyone walked by your room, they would assume you were dying. or atleast, that’s what your countless groans made it sound like. 

to your luck, you suddenly felt the urge to cry. “suck it up.” you told yourself, knowing that this was another dumb mood swing which was a normal occurrence during your period. but, you lost the battle between your emotions and you. 

with the pain coming from your cramps, and the sudden sadness you felt, you couldn’t stop yourself. tears welled up in your eyes and cascaded down, mimicking a waterfall.

only a few moments later, you jumped slightly when you heard a loud knock at your bedroom door. the person didn’t even wait for your response before barging in. that sort of thing would’ve annoyed you if it was any other person, but it was daryl. 

you felt slightly embarrassed that he was seeing you in this state, but he was your boyfriend. he’s seen you at your worst. he quickly walked over to to your bed, his footsteps echoing. 

“what’s up with ya? heard ya weren’t feeling too good.” he said, sitting down on your bed. he placed the back of his hand onto your forehead, checking to see if you were sick. after noticing you didn’t have a fever, he wiped his thumb under your eyes to wipe away the hot tears.

“no fever. why do ya look like yer bout’ to hurl?” he asked. the vision he put in your head didn’t make you feel any better. daryl didn’t know that much about periods, but you couldn’t blame him. 

you opened your mouth to reply, but instead you let out another groan. he looked at you with concern in his eyes. “what do ya need? what’s wrong?” he grunted out. 

all you needed was something that would relieve these fucking cramps. you needed a heating pad, but of course, you didn’t have one. so, you did the only thing that could help you in that moment. 

you gently pulled your boyfriend’s head down to rest on your lap. you sighed in small relief. the feeling of his warmth coming into contact with your body felt nice. 

meanwhile, daryl on the other hand was full of confusion. “the hell ya doin’?” he asked. “shut up, just give me a minute.” you mumbled, closing your eyes.

he wanted to protest, but he held himself back. he knew this was helping you, and thats all he really cared about. “get to sleep angel.” he quietly muttered.

and so, you drifted into sleep, finding solace in the warmth of his presence.

[miloformula123fan]

Could you do fic for Toto Wolff with wife reader? It was their day off and a slow morning. She woke up first and finally got to see her husband not rushing to the races for once. She contemplates waking him with a kiss. She leans in only to hesitate centemeters away not wanting to wake him. He opens his eyes and says, “Well, if you won’t do it, I will.” Just something fluff and cute. Thanks!! :))

woop woop

Please keep requesting - y'all have awesome ideas we agree on a lot of stuff :) - my guidelines are here, and if you want some prompts, they are here.

also feel free to come in and start chatting to me in my asks, would love to get to know y'all better

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toto wolff x wife!reader

Y/N groaned as she stretched, wriggling a little in bed and refusing to open her eyes until she felt awake enough. After a couple of minutes of wriggles, she opened her eyes and was greeted with her husband’s face.

She didn’t often get to see her husband like this. By this time, as she stole a quick glance to the alarm clock, she was normally awake and doing stuff. Usually, when she woke up, a few hours ago, her husband would be packing for the next race, or not here, or if she had come to the hotel, he would be preparing for the day of race. 

Y/N rarely saw her husband like this, so vulnerable, calm, less lines of worry on his face. She liked it, she thought, as she traced his face with her finger, only touching lightly in an attempt to not wake him.

Y/N knew that they had nowhere to be that day, as she traced his face. She thought about waking Toto up, but didn’t want to disturb his peaceful sleep, smiling at the small smile that had made it’s way onto his face. While she wanted to spend some time with her husband on their day off, she also enjoyed seeing this version of him, and wanted to like in bed for a little longer

She thought she’d made up her mind as she leaned in to brush a soft kiss to her husband’s lips. However she once again paused, millimetres from Toto’s face, thinking through it again. Did she really want to disturb his sleep? She hovered unsure.

Toto clearly could sense that she was hovering over him, as he opened his brown eyes and smiled at his wife.

“Well if you won’t do it, I will.” Toto nudged her nose with his own, before leaning in to plant a kiss on her lips softly.

“I thought I had forever.” she smiled back, before placing another kiss on his lips.

---

taglist: @leosxrealm, @tallrock35, @wolf-knights, @janeholt3, @pear-1206

[libraford]

Have you shared the story of you joining the track team with us? I feel like you have but I can't remember any details.

I SHALL TELL YOU A TALE OF PURE FOLLY!

The year us 1999, I am in seventh grade. Like most seventh-graders, I hate everything that I am forced to do but I especially hate Pep Rallies. They are hell for my tiny little social outcast ADHD brain: loud noises, forced enjoyment of an activity, sports, pointless interaction with people I can't stand, and the potential for relentless bullying afterwards.

So we had a pep rally.

And I, for the first time in my rules-following life, decided to skip.

My class filed into the gym, I ducked into the bathroom, and waited for the sound of the doors closing.

Problem was that I didn't think I'd get this far and I've never been in the habit of delinquency, so I had no idea what to do next. I started wandering the halls just a little bit, testing out the freedom of having broken the rules, going down hallways that weren't part of my routine...

...when I heard dogs barking.

You see...

...the pep rallies weren't exactly about basketball. The pep rallies were an excuse to make lots of noise so no one heard the police dogs when they came looking for drugs in people's lockers.

And I am not where I'm supposed to be. I am where NO ONE is supposed to be. And I panic, because if I show up to the pep rally late they are going to notice.

I did not think this through.

So I start looking for somewhere to be while the police are searching for worse criminals than myself and I see a bunch of students in the cafeteria. One of them is a friend of mine, so I wouldn't be completely out of place in this location, so I came in and sat down next to her. A roster is being passed around and I sign it so that I can say that I was accounted for during the pep rally in some way.

The teacher who is heading whatever this is stands up in front of this group and says:

"Thank you for coming to the track and field tryouts. You've all made it in."

Uh...

...woops.

I think I'll just sit through this one meet and then quit. People do it all the time, I don't think anyone would notice.

Except that this is a small town and everyone knows everyone- so the teacher/coach helpfully informed my father that I'd joined the track team voluntarily and in no way was it a mistake of any kind.

My whole family is sports nuts. My dad was in charge of the sports page at the news paper, my mom will talk excitedly about college football, and my brother has excelled in every sport he's ever been in.

I'm a textbook case of Not That. Art student, lead violist, and the most exercise I get is dodging projectile rocks on my way home from school.

But my dad is SO proud of me when he hears about it. Lee is doing a Sport? A Sport that's physical? A Sport with a team? A SPORT!

Like... he bought me new shoes and stuff to clean the shoes with and all kinds of first aid stuff for my muscle pains and oh my god for the first time in his life I was in a SPORT!

(Just to emphasize- he has always been PROUD of me. He thought I was a genius because I showed him how to make chocolate dipped strawberries at home without a fondue pot like... he's pretty sure I'm going to save the world somehow. But this was the first time that I had ever shown even the smallest bit of interest in doing a Sport, which is HIS special interest and now we can BOND!)

So I try.

You know... I hate running.

I actually have a condition caused by a childhood illness that impacts cartilage development as well as asthma from a bronchial infection when I was in 5th grade.

But my dad came to all of the track meets that he could and I was so deep into the lie that quitting now would break him.

So I try my hand at non-running events: shot put and discus. I'd still have to run during practice, but I was allowed to go off and do Not Running for a little bit.

I can't remember the actual numbers or anything, but I remember that when I first did shot put with proper form, the coach kind of turned her head sideways and said 'damn.'

So turned out that being at the roly-poly stage of my larval development meant that I was still learning how my personal body chemistry affects the build of muscle. The answer is 'very quickly.'

It starts getting hard to find shirts that will fit my biceps and now I'm in trouble for wearing non-standard issue tank tops to school from practicing shot and discus.

If this were a movie, it would mean that suddenly being a jock meant that I had been accepted by my peers and something something Mean Girls something something. But no, because having incredible muscle as a thirteen year old did not do anything to disspell the rumors that I was a lesbian and unfortunately I was still bullied relentlessly. Nor did I ever throw a punch because I don't like hurting people and no one ever taught me how to fight. But it did mean that I had a handful of girls ready to use teeth and nails to defend the shot put champion.

Which is important because I was the ONLY shot put and discus thrower in the school.

And as I found out- the district.

I went almost an entire season without competing against a single person, winning the event by default.

Until the semi-finals.

And I did have to compete against an assortment of other thirteen year olds that were just now learning that they had upper body strength. But because they ALSO were the only ones competing in those events they had never competed against another person either.

So we all sucked.

I got gold in shot put. Bronze in discus. But to their credit there were only three competitors.

Huge fucking deal for my dad.

Not a huge deal for the rest of the track team, who all did really poorly in most events BUT throwing events, which meant that this was our last game of the season.

And so ended my short, accidental career as the middle school shot put champion.

"Did you try out again in 8th grade?"

Fuck no. I hate running.

[howlingmod]

hello hello! I've never requested stuff before so i hope I'm doing this right lol, I'm wondering if i can request something tender and fluffy for follower sword x reader?

i just wanna hold that man in my arms bro, and your writing is just so peak

summary - follower sword x reader hcs. ur both phighters, uninetionally a little aut4aut coded woops

misc - thank you so much ! im glad you enjoy my writing .. smiles .. apologies if this is a little lackluster or inaccurate, this beast is weird. also yay first request !

-To say dating Sword can be a little unconventional is an understatement. More than once have people shot you a look once you told them who your partner is. Regardless, you wouldn't have it any other way and neither would Sword.

-Usually, people are confused as to how you guys got together in the first place. He's not exactly a social butterfly and he definitely comes off as threatening to most people, but there's no dramatic story to be found here, unfortunately. You just met him during a phight like most other people.

The match had been close, both teams were neck and neck for the point by now. It was a mad dash to get on the point or die trying, leaving more than a few people to try and make a run for it before falling to the other team the moment they were within a few feet. Every route lead to the same choking point, funneling everybody into a sea of flying bullets and swinging blades. Eventually, you noticed the crowd begin to thin as several people traded or finally picked someone on the other side off. If there was ever an opening, this was it. Stealing away from the corner you'd hidden in, you ran for the point, just barely dodging stray attacks before your feet touched the objective. The timer resumed in your teams favor, much to the other teams frantic irritation. A few of your teammates had bullied onto the objective just after you, helping fend off the incoming vigor of the enemy team in a last bid for the win, but it still wasn't enough. One got picked off, then another, and then another after that, then it was just you again. They'd gotten picks of their own and one had traded, but it still left you outnumbered. Given the exhaustion curling up your spine to lay heavy in your head and the dread of an inevitable loss hanging off your hands, you weren't winning this. Someone on the other team pushed towards you. You were slow on the uptake, pulling your gear just a few seconds too late through the fog of weariness. Practically in slow motion, you watched them reel back to swing, made to block it yourself, and a pale blade stick itself in the ground just between you two. With hands already raised, quickly identifing the blade's source, you instead made to cover your eyes before the flashing light could blind you. Where the once constant growl of battle had become ringing in your ears, there was silence. Peeking out behind your arms, there was nobody. It wouldn't last long, you knew that, but you finally felt as though you had a moment to breathe. Just a few seconds left. You could make out careful footsteps behind you, leaving you to whip your head around to the source. Instead of Shuriken or Scythe popping out to break the peace, you saw Sword. You hadn't seen too much of him that match, seemingly being focused on different areas (bitterly, you thought of asking him why he hadn't been helping you with the objective, but a better part of you decided against it.), but you were thanking the Heights he was on your team now. "Thanks for the help, you're a life saver," You hummed, smiling at him. He didn't return the gesture, hell, you aren't even sure he looked at you, given the lack of pupils. Faintly, you picked up some little grunt he made, a show of acknowledgement. That was enough for you. You turned back forwards, vaguely noting how he stopped next to you. Maybe he was tired too? You're sure he was focusing on trying to beat the other team into the ground for the match, so you wouldn't be surprised. The timer reached its peak, signalling your team's win. Neither of you made a sound, even as you picked up on your other teammates celebrating off in the distance. The air stayed peaceful, weight lifting off of you as you stood side-by-side. Nothing more needed to be said.

-Afterwards, you did your best to return the favor, though he rarely needed it. You would provide support in the ways you could, pointing a healer in his direction when he was in rough shape and picking off extra opponents if he was outnumbered. Where you'd expected to just help him out once or twice and consider the IOU paid off, he would return the aid right back. Without thinking about it, you two started to hover around eachother.

-He wasn't sure why he did it, just that, at some point, he began to think of you more than he needed to. It was good to know where your teammates were and what their status was, but he certainly didn't need to be worrying this much over an individual. Nevertheless, he would still check in on you, sending long glances your direction whenever you were nearby as a quick assesment of your condition.

-Even before matches you two would find eachother, sitting quietly as you two prepared for the upcoming phight. Sometimes, you would ramble to him as he listened wordlessly, only humming every now and then to let you know he was still paying attention (a habit he'd picked when his silence had lead you to trail off in the past).

-The first time you'd ever mentioned hanging out with him outside of a phight, he'd declined, if only out of unfamiliarity. He wasn't used to getting such direct, personal invites to be apart of other people's lives like that. It stuck in his head for a few days, the question of why you'd thought to pick him speficially rattling around in the back of his head.

-Eventually, he would be the one to invite you out. It wasn't anything special and, in all honesty, it was probably just to walk around. Nothing all that entertaining, but he didn't care about the activity as much as he did having more time to hear you talk.

-Likewise, the confession (after a long time of him sorting out his feelings, he still didn't totally understand how he felt once you two got together but he knew you were greatly important to him), was pretty mundane. You're probably the one to do it since he's not super familiar with the concept, at least not beyond a surface level understanding of what it looks like for other people. To you two, it's an intimate moment: you trust him enough to open yourself up to rejection and he cares about you enough to make clear he's interested in you as well. To others, it's a very blunt, robotic moment on his part contrasting to your obvious sentiment. Oh well.

-Anyhow, as for how you to interact once you get together, it's more of the same. A lot of the time, you two are just existing with one another. It would come off as uncaring if it weren't for him seeking you out just to be in your company, even if you're not interacting in any way. He just likes having you there, you make him feel whole in a strange way, something about your presence makes him feel like some wrong has been righted.

-He's a little nosy about your hobbies. If you're reading a book he wants you to tell him about it, if you're making something he wants to know how you're doing it, so on, so forth. He doesn't know why, he just likes to know everything he can about you. If we allow the more sentimental wording to fall, you're like a specimen he needs to learn about and put under a microscope, lovingly.

-His love language, other than time, is gifting things to you, actually. Most times it's odd trinkets he comes across that remind him of you, but its the thought that counts. He takes the utmost care for them to not get ruined before he can gift them to you and you can just barely notice him stand a little straighter when you happily take them. If you have a spot for all the things he's given you, he admires it with pride every time, blame it on bird instincts.

-He often just calls you by your name, he just doesn't think any nickname compares to your actual name. That's the title of the person he loves, what else could compare?

-It takes him a while to warm up to physical affection, so give him some time with that. Once he's settled into a relationship with you, he's a lot more open to any touch you give. He most enjoys whenever you lean on him, he enjoys being someone you can count on for support and comfort. On his part, he's a sucker for you holding his face in your hands, something about it just feels so tender. The way your hands cradle his head just feels so soothing.

-The first time he says 'I love you,' is a whisper, but don't let that fool you into thinking their meaning is any smaller. It's a total declaration of his heart to you, how could he not mean it when you're the light of his life?

[zwolfgames]

Idk, but I think bg3 reader would try to leave the group, if they know about their yandere personalities, lol. Please, your bg3 works are so good. I expect the new one

(So, not a continuation of the last drabble. This is hypothetical for now. Also it deleted my answer the first time :( so this is try two, it may seem a bit rushed. And I got a bit off track, woops.)

Warnings: mentions of yandere stuff I suppose.

Y/N in this au (aka teen tav) really isn't stupid, sure they grew up in a village with just their mother and pulled random spells out of their ass like a true sorcerer, but they're not stupid.

The party started with variable reactions to a minor in the group. Act 1 doesn't showcase a lot of Yan tendencies due to everything still going kind of fine and everyone getting to know each other.

The yandere part really starts in act 2 when they enter the Shadow cursed lands. Unlike the normal region of act 1 are the Shadowlands riddled with danger.

The party quickly gets their wake-up call after things like Kar'niss (who gets his little momemt) and the other bosses and dangers. Katherine Thorm, being a threat, also doesn't help ease the party's feelings.

The group would go from silly to way more protective in act 2. But Y/N can't do anything about that yet. The shadows would eat them alive, or someone else could get them. Better left with unease rather than dead, right?

I've purposefully mentioned Y/N's mother in the drabbles to show the main goal of the reader, which is to return to their mother. This goal is being held back by a party of people who no longer seem intent to part ways with you once this is over.

Sure, Y/N wanted their cool adventure with heroes like Wyll Ravenguard, but staying with them permanently? Haha... no.

So after the wake-up call of act 2, Y/N would take their chances at escape in Baldur Gate. The thing is, though, Y/N isn't from Baldurs Gate. They don't know the alleys like the back of their hand in the same manner that Astarion does. They didn't grow up playing in the secret passageways like Karlach...

This is a dangerous game you're playing. The more you wiggle, the tighter their hold. It's just how it goes with people who have faced enough to lose it.

They handle you in different ways, of course.

Wyll, Gale, and Halsin strike me as the type to have wanted to protect this poor kid from the start, so their resolve just strengthens to unnecessary levels. You wouldn't mind just being carried to bed by a bear man, would you? He knows some good elvish lullabies.

Lae'zel is her own separate category, she's a githyanki, they have very diffrent ways then most folk on faerun. I'm basing her motherly ability on the prologue where she raises the gith egg. She may not be affectionate, but she does not want you out of sight. Expect training.

Karlach and Astarion surprisingly go together here. They don't seem like the parental type. More of an aunt/uncle. Would try and stay your friend. Guiltripping from Karlach that she may or not be aware of herself, and straight up manipulation from Astarion. They both had a bad past. You can stay, right? As a little gift from the gods?

Shadowheart didn't like you from the start, not a fan of kids. Her yandere strikes a lot later. First, she had only been worried about your health as a cleric. After her arc at the end of the shadow cursed lands (freeing Dame Aylin etc) she gets a bit of that parental feeling nonsense too. Though I'd say she shows it the least. You'd be tricked easily into thinking she's the only normal one in the party.

Minthara, I'm unsure if I can find a good way to let her join, but she'd be similar to Lae'zel, just crueler and definitely bot secretive about her want for your stay. If you ask her directly, she'd just plain out and say that if she catches you, you're getting bound.

Jaheira, natural mom, she's got kids, protected the kids. Don't expect her to be sweet, but you're definitely not going out of sight.

Minsc joins in Act 3, so really, he doesn't have the time to get to know you, he's funny, you're funny. Friends. Not that the rest appreciates the time you spent with him. They're scared you're gonna make up a talking animal next.

All in all, Y/N would try and escape. It just isn't very likely to succeed. If you get far... well, there are other beings out there still after you, you know?

Just forget your mom. Aren't they better family now? Your mom didn't teach you spells, did she? Or swordplay? Maybe how to make balms?

Cmon, they're the best option. Stay.

Just an answer lol, hope i didn't make anyone too OOC with just this. Xd.

[ganondoodle]

you know, i had a totk thought (uh oh)

soemthign thats really bothering me about the whole "actually, ganondorf didnt like the guy appearing out of nowhere marrying a hylian and just saying yep das our kingdom now and we can mine it barren under your nose and also i got laserbeam pebbles that i totally wont ever use on anyone come join me or die just bc of all of that but mainly bc the guy brought some weird tech with him that he dont like" - thing is that ......... we see almost not a single tech thing in the past (and for that matter see nothing of the oh so perfect and peaceful paradise hyrule was before big evil desert man didnt want to join our paradise- like what is the point about making the whole point of the game be -we need to restore hyrule to this paradise it once was- when you dont even see it or get to care about anything of it)

it might sound like a weird hangup but no really, the most we see is like two servant constructs, thats it, when they 'prepare for war' im pretty sure all you see is some lightly dressed ( ... is it just me or does their whole get up look alot like native american/other indingenous people too ... i still dont know how to feel about that- kinda adjacent to some of the sonau armor, the battery one i think??, also having that look...) hylians with spears, where the heck is all that tech?? is it implied to be all down in the mines hollowing out the underground (for no real reason either bc .... theres only two sonau left and no one else seems to want use nor need the tech otherwise there should have been more traces or soemthing left of it -unless it all just magically appeared out of nowhere in mostly prime condition while all shiekah tech jsut vaporized for bs non reasons just for it to be in tha game but oh dont you see its always been there lmao- so whats the point really????)

or up in the sky as most battle constructs are and they cant get them down in time bc *gestures vaguely*

or is it intentionally kept out of view bc idk seeing an army of robots on raurus side he can send out on a whim might not make him look as oh so good and perfect as they want him to look when he already got laserbeam pebbles (most of which hes been hoarding until ONE falls into hands not under his control) ?? like it just ... feels weird?? so many battle constructs that can even be a threat to link are jsut fully functioning strolling around in the present still, why wouldnt you want to use any of them to battle gan and if they DID why wouldnt you show that (no the 3 second unicorn cutscene doesnt count bc its just .. gan and his monsters isnt it) ?? (also ... why isnt there a big like battle ground , like fine you dont have to animate an army of monsters and robots clashing but... wouldnt it be cool to have you discover a giant flat plain in the underground (that magically got put under ground like gan just decided to stroll down there to get sealed lol) and its the only mostly empty field in the game littered with thousands of monster bones and dead constructs intermingled?? just to give it all a bit of weight?? evidence that it happened?? cool ass discovery????)

(also also i cannot let go of ganondorf apparently being sooooo anti tech but then clamgan uses the shiekah stuff??? shouldnt he also be against that then or is that suddendly fine bc- oh woops sorry, forgot clamgan is actually just something, not connected to gan at all actually, i mean why else would miasma turn into malice only to turn into miasma again haha none of that is connected actually what is a calamity anyway? also im sorry to bring this up again but i just cannot let go of the ppl in the present being so obsessed with using sonau tech in every part of their life now- they just lived through an apocalypse of a barely understood strange tech but CLEARLY this other even less understood strang tech is not dangerous at all lets make CARS OUT OF IT and what theres no danger in miasma and that tech existing at the same time LIKE SOMETHING ELSE BEFORE THAT IDK SEEMS LIKE A BAD COMBO--- oh sorry forgot that ceased to exist in both the world and peoples minds for *gestures vaguely* plot reasons- why why why are monsters mining the sonanium?? they dont even work with the yiga no that is also completely disconnected we dont wanna draw and interesting connections after all- whats the point if it means nothing but to be a loot box for the player-- actually, so much of totk is just a so built around throwing you into a box of toys with no substance to it- listen i know games are kinda like toys but if it doesnt make sense and offers you nothing interesting to think about even slightly whAT IS THE POINT)

[sstormyskyess]

A New Dynamic

author's note: so. this is my first a/b/o fic and uhh i've managed to make it trans! basically in my a/b/o universe people can switch their secondary gender with hormone therapy, just like with trans people and HRT irl, and reader in this fic transitioned from omega to alpha [idk if i explained that perfectly but! please enjoy and also feedback would be nice since i'm new to writing a/b/o]

cw: a/b/o dynamics, smut, male alpha reader, omega gaz, masturbation [from both reader and gaz], general awkwardness because they're exes, knotting

word count: 3500+ [i think this is my longest one shot i've written. uhh may have gotten carried away woops]

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick / M!Reader

“Kyle!” You run up to him with a big grin on your face, pulling him into a hug which he graciously accepts. You bury your face into his shoulder and he does the same, his hands holding onto your shirt as though you might fade away if he lets go.

It’s been almost five years since you last saw your best friend from secondary school and your lover up until he left for enlistment. To say you missed him would be an understatement. You’ve kept in touch with one another through letters and the occasional call here and there, but obviously nothing could compare to being face to face again.

All the way home, your hand is on his thigh and you tell him all about what’s been happening in your life recently. A new promotion at work, shenanigans during a fun night out with friends—friends who Kyle would have to say hello to as well—and some new hobbies you’ve picked up. He shared his own stories, though some of the details had to be axed because of their classified status. You were particularly caught off-guard by him recounting the time he fell out of a helicopter and nearly broke his spine, but that was neither here nor there. At least in his eyes.

Once you pull into the driveway and help him carry all his bags inside, he takes notice of something… interesting.  “Are you seeing someone right now, mate?” He asks with a tilt of his head.

You look at him, confused for a good few moments. “...No? Why?” He stares back at you, almost as if he didn’t believe you. “Is something up?”

It just doesn’t add up in his head. If you weren’t in a relationship with someone, then why did your house smell so distinctly of alpha? When he thought about it further, he did think something was off at the train station as well. He must’ve been distracted by his joy seeing you after so long, but thinking back on it, you had an alpha’s scent all over you. He must realize that he was looking at you as if you’d grown a third arm so he quickly shakes his head to recover from his stupor.

“You okay, Kyle?” You raise an eyebrow, equally confused as he is. Why would he assume you’re dating someone? That’s certainly something you would’ve told him before letting him stay at your place. It would be fairly awkward to have two omegas under one roof with you, especially when one of them was in a relationship with you and the other wasn’t. There was a definite possibility of… jealousy sprouting up.

“I’m gonna take my bags upstairs, just uh—gimme a sec.” He says quickly, picking up his stuff and heading up to the guest room he’s staying in for the next month. You stare after him, still left a little confused. You figure you can bring it up later. Maybe he was tired from jet lag or something. You check the time, your eyes widening a bit when you realize you missed your hormone injection, going upstairs to your bathroom and getting all your things ready.

By the time the sun set and you both had finished dinner, Kyle is still trying to rationalize what could possibly be the explanation behind the alpha scent wafting around the room and teasing his olfactory glands. It was almost making his head hurt with how enticing it was.

To be honest, you’re not faring any better. His scent never triggered anything in you when you were an omega, but now he just smells so sweet. You hope you’re doing a decent job of hiding the shuffling you’re doing to try and relieve some of the tension growing in your boxers. It would most definitely throw things off to get all riled up for someone you broke up with years ago. It was amicable between the both of you, of course, but it’s been so long since either of you had contact with each other.

You dwell on it a bit more all while trying to keep your attention on whatever TV show it was that he put on. Every time he tried to get more comfortable, though, he either squished your legs closer together or brushed up every so slightly against the bulge in your pants. You start to wonder if he knows what he’s doing. He had to, right? He couldn’t be doing this by accident.

Swallowing past the lump in your throat, you struggle ignoring the way your cock twitches in your sweatpants when he mutters something about how your couch is too lumpy and needs to be replaced before readjusting his legs and hips. His motions press your legs together and a shiver goes up your spine when the cloth of your boxers rubs up against your erection. You groan quietly and clear your throat when Kyle shoots a look your way. “You alright, mate?” He asks all too innocently.

You reach over to the end table to grab your glass of water with shaky hands, taking a long sip from it. “I’m fine.” Your voice is strained when you speak and you quickly set the glass back down before pulling a blanket over your lap as nonchalantly as you can manage.

You stare forward with unfocused eyes before you finally stand up, the intoxicating scent of sandalwood and vanilla permeating around the living room too much to handle. “I’ll—I’ll be right back.” You eke out, going to the downstairs bathroom in a hurry. You don’t see the concern on his face before you’re shutting the door and releasing a deep breath you didn’t know you were holding.

The moment you have your back against the cool tile on the walls, you’re doing everything you can to stave off what you can feel building up against your will. This couldn’t be happening, not now. You couldn’t be going into rut the very day your best friend was finally seeing you again after all this time. You palm at the bulge in your sweatpants, groaning as quietly as you can and tilting your head back against the wall.

Cursing under your breath, you begrudgingly yet desperately yank your pants and underwear down and take hold of your hard cock. You try taking deep breaths to stop yourself from losing yourself to the pleasure. It was so amplified by the remnants of Kyle’s scent that had seeped into your shirt just from him sitting next to him. It’s so much more powerful than it was earlier in the day, so you know your rut is coming.

You’re in there for a few more minutes than would’ve been normal, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care when your cum spills all over your fist. It covers your fingers and your softening cock and deflating knot when you give yourself a few more pumps to ride out your orgasm. But it wasn’t enough. You regretfully give in to the fact you would have to turn in early for the night.

After washing your hand off in the sink, you head back to the living room and look at Kyle, who was on his phone, scrolling mindlessly. “Uh, Kyle? I’m gonna head to bed, I’m super tired.”

He sits up and turns to you, tilting his head. “Are you okay? What’s up?” He stands up and starts walking over to you until you put your hands up defensively. “Yeah! Yeah, I’m fine, I think I might be sick. I don’t wanna get you sick too, so I’m just going to bed.” You stumble through your weak excuse, voice cracking a bit when you neared the end of your sentence. You stare at each other for a few more moments before you turn away and rush up the stairs, closing your door a little more forcefully than you would’ve liked.

A couple hours pass and you’ve nearly pushed yourself to the brink of fainting with how many times you’ve brought yourself to orgasm. You’re glad that you had enough foresight to put a towel down before falling down the rabbit hole; if you hadn’t you would have to change your sheets before you went to sleep with how much cum you’ve expended.

Your chest heaves and sweat drips down your forehead. You’ve long since gotten rid of your clothes, now laid bare in the center of your bed. One thing you found after you transitioned from omega to alpha was that your ruts were much more intense than a natural alpha’s was. Your doctor told you it was something about the remnants of your omega biology making your ruts closer to heats.

The knot at the base of your cock was aching with how thick it’s gotten. The amount of blood rushing down there was making you lightheaded, but you just couldn’t stop. Your body won’t let you stop, you need to keep going. You feel like you might collapse in on yourself if you stopped for even a second.

But the muscles in your arm are tiring by the minute and your hand is starting to give out on you. Even thrusting up into your fist isn’t working because your fingers are cramping up from how hard you were squeezing your dick. You swallow thickly, already getting dehydrated, but you’d rather die than make a fool of yourself trying to stumble to the kitchen to get water—plus, Kyle didn’t need to know you went into a rut because of him. So, through all the brain fog, you remind yourself to listen for Kyle in his room to get you an opportunity to get a much needed glass of water.

You’ve long since given up on trying to stay quiet, deciding to forgo suppressing your wanton moans and desperate whines. Every now and then, shame builds up in your gut because Kyle’s name passes your lips, pleading for him despite the knowledge you shouldn’t want him so bad. But you want him anyway, and it almost made you feel too guilty to keep going. Almost.

Little did you know, Kyle’s in the guest room separated by just one wall, and he can hear everything. Every groan and huff and grunt. Every call of his name. And he has his hand in his pants, stroking himself with the same guilt that you’re feeling. He twisted his hand around his cock languidly, his palm closing around the tip with every few strokes.

When he walked past your room on the way to his earlier that night, he got the strongest whiff of your musk that he’d ever gotten, even when the two of you were in a relationship so many years ago. It all finally clicked in his mind at that moment.

He’s heard about people replacing their designation a couple times before, but he never expected you to be one of those people. Through his entire time knowing you, you never expressed any interest in that kind of thing. But quite honestly, he doesn’t care. All he knows is that you were going through a rut and God, did he want to be there to help you.

After he recovers from a couple quick orgasms and cleans up the mess as best he could, he gets up and deliberates for a bit. He could offer you some assistance, but imagine the consequences. He would never be able to live it down if he asked to help you with your rut and you turned him away point blank. The embarrassment would be too much. He sighs and gets himself together to at the very least get you some water.

He knocks on your door with a glass of water in hand a couple minutes later and hears you stumble off your bed with a harsh thud. “J-Just a sec!” You call out to him, trying to pull on a pair of sweatpants as fast as possible after wiping your sticky hand off on the towel.

When you open your door, your skin is practically dripping with sweat and your limbs are shaking just a bit. “Sorry, just, uh—tripped. Y’caught me off guard,” is what you’re able to muster up, but not without a voice crack in the middle. “What did you need?”

He looks almost as embarrassed as you do, with his eyes darting everywhere but you. “Um… I just thought I’d bring you some water.” He offers the glass to you and you take it, knowing at that moment that he’s heard everything you’ve been doing. Your teeth dig into your bottom lip nervously and you clear your throat, trying to stave off that ever-present feeling of guilt that settled in your stomach from the moment you got into bed. “Thanks. I appreciate it.” You mumble, looking at the floor.

The silence is awkward while you stand there in front of each other. You desperately urge the floor to swallow you whole to avoid the question you know he’s going to ask you, but instead you settle for broaching the subject yourself.

“Can you help me with—”

“Do you want me to help—”

You end up cutting each other off and you internally curse whatever higher power put you in this situation. They had to be out to get you at this point.

You shift from one foot to the other uncomfortably. Through all of this tension, your throbbing boner still hadn’t gone away. In fact, it was actually getting worse with Kyle standing barely a foot away from you, forcing his tantalizing scent to fill your nostrils and sending wave after devastating wave of desire through your body and straight to your cock.

He sees your fingers clinging to the door frame where you were holding it to keep yourself upright, the veins in your hand springing to the surface with how tightly you were grasping it. He puts a hand on your still bare chest, making your hairs stand on end from the skin on skin contact. “Here, just—go lay down, okay? You can barely stand, c’mon…” He takes the water from your hand and carefully herds you over to the bed, letting you collapse on it.

He could smell the sex in here; it was overpowering, making his pupils dilate and his mouth water. You pant with little huffs of breath looking up at him with glassy eyes filled with unbridled lust. “Kyle—fuck, please let me fuck you, please,” you groan.

He snaps out of the trance he got locked into from watching you slip your sweats down to let your cock spring free and land, heavy and dripping, onto your stomach. You reach for the waistband of his shorts, tugging on them. He gets the hint and pulls his shirt and bottoms off before climbing onto the bed and sitting on his knees.

You shakily roll over and wrap your arms around him from behind. You lean over him, urging him on all fours. He gasps when he feels your swollen, rock hard cock slide against his slick, wet asshole. Memories of how well you fill him come flooding back as though it was yesterday, sending a shiver down his spine. He mumbles your name and glances back at you when he notices you’ve gone rigid behind him. “Are you okay—”

He yelps when you spear him on your cock all of a sudden, sinking all the way to the hilt. You let out a deep, long moan at the feeling of his hole stretching to make room for you. “Shit—Kyle…” You drag out his name, burying your face in the space between his shoulder blades. “You feel so good, so so good,” you babble on, halfway incoherent with his name on your lips over and over.

Kyle reaches back and rests his hand on your shoulder, trailing it up to pet along the back of your neck and eliciting a pleased grumble in the pits of your chest. You rock your hips back and forth ever so slightly, working him open to make room for your dick for a while. He moans at the way one of the ridges of your cock rubs against his prostate over and over.

When you felt he was ready for you, you start to thrust into him properly, pulling out almost to the tip and then right back in slowly. “Y’feel good, love,” he says, a small quake in his voice and a small smile on his face.

Your lips connect to his neck, nibbling and sucking on his skin roughly, wanting to leave bruises that would last for a good while. You needed to make him yours. He accepts every mark you leave along his neck and shoulders, his smile growing the longer your cock dragged along his walls. You luckily managed to keep teeth away from where you last left your mark on him, narrowly avoiding the sensitive patch of skin.

You start to groan quietly, body shaking from the way you’re tensing your muscles and holding back. He takes notice of your reluctance and looks back at you, concerned. “What’s wrong?” He asks and you whine, your fingers starting to dig into the meat of his stomach where your arms were wrapped around him. “D-Don’t want… to hurt you, Kyle,” you pant, voice breathy. “Not gonna be able to stop myself…”

“You’re not gonna hurt me, love. Don’t hold back, it’s okay,” he reassures you with a soft voice, his tone releasing the tension in your body.

His words renewed the overwhelming desperation clouding your mind. You clench your teeth and, with a deep, rumbling growl, you speed up your pace and your thrusts become rough, merciless. He tosses his head back in surprise and moans your name sharply. The power of your hips slamming into him ends up pushing him face down and ass up, his face getting buried in the sheets.

His moans get chopped up in time with each time you pump your cock into his hole, his whole body getting jostled forward from the force you’re exerting. Goosebumps rise on his skin as your groans reverberate through your chest into his back and your shaft twitches against his walls, all the sensations overwhelming him. To ground himself, he lifts one of his arms up from where it had been laying uselessly by his side and reaches behind him to grab your shoulder.

Kyle feels his orgasm sneak up on him, having gotten lost in the pleasure of being with you again, but in so many new ways. “Shit, love—fuck—I want your knot baby, please,” he cries, tossing his head back. He never imagined he would be asking you for such a thing; you’ve had sex with each other many, many times before, but never like this. This was something else entirely, and it felt so, so good.

You groan in response to his words. You’ve never heard him so desperate before, and it fills you with a deep sense of confidence. It’s not as though you haven’t slept with anyone since splitting with Kyle, but something about him begging for you sent you into a frenzy.

He yelps at the sudden change in pace. You unintentionally forced him down into a prone bone position, your full weight on top of him and your arms pulling him into every thrust. Your teeth latch onto the back of his neck and scruff him with a growl. You vaguely register that you’re trying to say something despite your mouth being occupied, but you can’t find it in yourself to stop, no matter how embarrassing it might be later.

He shivers at the feeling of your saliva dripping down his neck and seeping into the bedsheets, joining the pool of his own drool where his mouth was hanging open from pure ecstasy. Your cock was hitting the perfect angle in this position, flat on his stomach and his legs pinned between your knees. With you on top of him it was easier to feel your swelling knot catching on the rim of his wet asshole. He slowly joins you in your mindless babbling, begging and pleading for you to give him that sweet release.

“I-I missed you so much, love, oh God—please, want you to fill me up, please, please, please—!” He wails when he cums, his spend getting caught under his body and wetting the sheets along with a wave of slick gushing out of his hole past your dick. It was the most intense orgasm he’s had in ages, all because of you.

The clutch of his walls fluttering around you makes you finally let go of his neck and throw your head back with a sharp groan. “Fuck—fuck!” You hiss, squeezing him tighter in your arms and shoving your knot into his tight, wet heat. Your cum floods his hole, filling him up to the brim. He sobs at the warm feeling. It felt so different with your knot added to the mix, stretching him wide.

You relax on top of him, with a heavy sigh, taking hold of him and rolling you both on your sides to spoon him and hold him close. You nuzzle your face in his neck, already rocking your hips into him again needily. It was gonna be a long night, he thinks to himself while running his hands up and down your forearms where they lay against his stomach.

𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

[chenlesfavorite]

BURNING DESIRE [PT2], huang renjun.

— summary : after being bonded to renjun for a week, you've been experiencing insane emotions out of nowhere. non-stop. you want them to stop, but you don't know how to stop these emotions, so what better way to find out how to stop them than asking the vampire that you're bonded with?

— pairing : vampire!renjun x humanfem!reader

— genre : romance, fantasy, vampires

— extra : profanity, suggestive, implied that they fuck at the end, kissing

— author's note : woop woop, pt2 of burning desire bc it was requested by my lovely ❤️‍🔥 anon!! hopefully this isn't too bad and it's somewhat enjoyable :') also pretty short, so my bad!!!

— word count : 1.3k

— read part 1 here !

reminder that this is pure fiction and not an actual depiction of how they act.

It’s been about a week since you bonded with Renjun; you haven’t seen him since the day you first summoned him.

The day after you summoned him, everything was fine. You didn’t feel weird, and you didn’t have any side effects from being bonded to a vampire, as you expected to be feeling thousands of different things at once because he’s a vampire and you’re a human; you expected the bond to affect you in some sort of way.

And well that was the case the next day.

You woke up with the strangest feeling ever concocting in your stomach, you had no idea what it was. It was like an insatiable hunger for something... but something you have never craved before.

Your mouth felt dry, and that sensation in your stomach was gnawing at your insides. The feeling was intense, and your mind kept drifting to blood, desiring blood; its taste, its essence that gives life to vampires.

And it continued like this day after day, moment after moment.

You could be happy one minute and then totally sad the next. Out of nowhere! You can be talking to your friends, all cheerful that you’re speaking to them but then you’ll just get in a weird mood.

The feelings aren’t weak though, they hit you like a truck because of how strongly you feel them.

You didn’t know why you were feeling all of this. You tried to search for it on search engines, typing stuff like “Why do I feel so strange 2 days after bonding with a vampire?” but nothing. Nothing came up.

And that’s when you remember, you can summon Renjun and ask him about it. Sure, he told you that you shouldn’t summon him again but... you really need to ask him about this because these feelings were getting out of hand and you were feeling that wretched thirst for blood again.

You follow the summoning ritual you did before and just as you thought, Renjun appears before you again.

It takes him a moment to realize where he is and to adjust to his surroundings— a surprised look appears on his face when he notices you’re the one who summoned him. “You know, you don’t have to do the ritual all over again just to summon me. Just call out my name and I’ll be here.”

You blink at him, unsure of how to respond to his casual words as you expected him to be all angry at you for summoning him again. “I... I didn’t know.” You say, your voice wavering. “I wasn’t planning on summoning you again but, this is important and I need your help.”

Renjun’s expression softens, but there’s a curiosity in his eyes. “What’s wrong?” He walks towards you, taking your hand to heal the cut again. “What do you need help with?” Renjun asks, keeping his voice calm and his touch gentle.

You take a deep breath as Renjun heals your palm. You rummage through your thoughts, trying to find the correct words to explain this strange feeling. “Ever since we bonded, I’ve felt... weird, really weird. A sudden surge of emotions just explodes in me, and I feel this odd hunger for blood.”

His gaze sharpens as he listens to your explanation, nodding to your words. “It seems like when we bonded, a part of my essence was shared with you but yours wasn’t. These strong emotions that you feel are my emotions. Whatever I feel, you feel it too, but stronger.”

Renjun reveals as he lets go of your now-healed palm. “What?” Your jaw drops, in disbelief of what you just heard. “So... I just have to deal with these emotions? Renjun, I might actually lash out at someone and start trying to suck their blood because of your bloodthirsty ass.”

To think that these strong emotions that you’re feeling are not even your own emotions, but his that overpower yours. You feel a bit helpless because of it. “What am I supposed to do, Renjun? Just hope that your emotion doesn’t make me hurt someone by accident? I can’t live like this for the rest of my life.”

“Calm down, you won’t be hurting anybody and I’ll make sure of that. You can separate my emotions from yours easily. You just need to learn how to do it and I’ll teach you that right now.”

Renjun says, and it just now hits you what you’ve gotten yourself into because of this bond with a vampire. Screw you for being so interested in vampires in the first place, maybe you should’ve listened to the people saying they’re just fantasy creatures and not actually real.

“Please, teach me how. I can’t handle this any longer.” You beg, sounding desperate. You just wanted these overpowering emotions to be gone once and for all. Dealing with your feelings was enough but Renjun’s feelings on top of yours are just too much for a human.

Renjun reaches out, gently placing his cool hands on the sides of your head. His touch is soothing. “Close your eyes,” He instructs softly. “Focus on my voice. We’re going to start by building a wall, something to keep your emotions separate from mine.”

You do as he says, shutting your eyes tightly. His voice becomes your anchor, something to cling to in the swirling chaos within you.

“Imagine a barrier,” Renjun continues. “Something strong and impenetrable. It can be anything—a wall of stone, a shield, a fortress. Picture it in your mind.”

You try to imagine the image, but it’s hard to focus with everything crashing around inside you. “Breathe,” He whispers. “In and out. Slowly.” Renjun’s voice is so calming as he guides you through this.

You take a deep breath, then another, and slowly, the insatiable hunger you’re feeling begins to recede. The barrier you’re imagining starts to take shape—a massive wall of thick, dark stone, encircling your mind.

“That’s it,” Renjun encourages. “Now, I’m going to guide you through separating our emotions. I’ll help you push mine to the other side of that wall.”

You nod faintly, trusting him entirely. His voice soothes you as he walks you through the process. Slowly, you start to feel a difference— as if some of the weight you’ve been carrying is being lifted.

“It’s working.” You whisper, relief flowing through you. The intensity of Renjun’s emotions begins to dull, becoming distant instead of an overwhelming torment.

Renjun’s hands slip away from your head, but you keep your eyes closed, holding onto the calm he’s helped you find. “You’re doing great,” He says softly. You slowly open your eyes, meeting his gaze.

“Thank you, Renjun.” You say. A small smile appearing on Renjun’s face. “You don’t have to thank me. It’s my job now to help you through any struggles as we are bonded.”

It’s as if a sudden flame lights up inside you as you look at Renjun and the moment feels right. Without thinking, you reach up, your fingers brushing against his cheek. “Y/N...” Renjun’s voice is quiet.

But before he can say anything more, you close the distance between you two. Placing your lips onto his, sending a spark throughout your bodies.

He responds immediately with his actions. In one, swift motion, he pushes you gently against the wall. The cool surface of your bedroom wall pressing against your back. Renjun’s hands urgently finding their way to your waist, gripping onto it.

The kiss is intense once he takes over it, deepening it. His lips move against yours with a hunger, one that wants to devour you fully. Your fingers tangle in his hair, wanting... no, needing him badly.

You pull away, the both of you breathless from that heated kiss. The look that both of you have in your eyes is one filled with desire and a need for each other. You both know what you want. “There’s no going back now.” Renjun murmurs as he starts leaving trails of kisses on your jawline, then leaving kisses on your neck.

You bite down on your bottom lip as you feel his hot breath on your neck, making you feel even more heated. “Good,” You breathe out, your fingers trailing down his chest. “Because I don’t want to. I need you, Renjun.”

“I’ll show you how much I need you too, tonight.”

[ancha-aus]

Gifted Drabble - NewAgeAU - Life Finds a Way

Pppst @spotaus you ready? :3

For those people who noticed. Spotaus and I have been talking some lore. And I wanted to write a little thing about it! (also i am noticing that all my gifted drabbles to Spotaus about this AU is about Ccino? woops? I will probably eventually do other charactes hahah)

For now? I hope you like this Spotaus :D No beta or edits :D

Warnings: Child abuse, mentally and emotionally. implied harrassment but nothing actually happens. Forced child labor. Very unhealthy eating habits and forced dangerous dieting. fat-shaming. suicidal thoughts (not a lot and not too specific but it is there). Gaslighting and manipulation. (reminder for everyone. Ccino is SEVEN in this.)

Please let me know if you spot anything else i need to warn people about okay? But i think i got it all.

*--------------------------------------*

Sera turns to him and looks unimpressed "well? Hold the three trays."

Ccino looks nervously at the very large plates filled with cups. All wooden now but they are heavy. Ccino carefully picks one up and can't quite balance it in one hand. Much less hold it with one arm. The plate wiht cups falls to the ground wiht a loud clatter and he flinches at the sound.

Sera sighs loudly as she shakes her head "another disappointment. I keep telling you you only have this week to learn. yet you seem set on not learning at all!" she snaps.

Ccino looks down and mutters "I... i am trying... i am sorry. i just..." he is still so sad... he has been here a week now and just wants to roll up a cry. but everyone keeps telling him he only has a week to practise and then he needs to work with everyone else.

He still doesn't understand the castle and where everything is. Much less every servant pathway.

The rules are confusing and sometime she doens't quite understand the accents people use or the words they say.

Sera glares and raises her hand. Ccino pulls his head back and closes his sockets.

Nothing happens. He sneaks a look and sees Nim staring Sera down.

Sera falls to her knees and bows deeply "My king. I apologise. The child is stupid and can't learn."

Nim just sighs as she rubs her forehead "I thought i was clear. He has a purpose. For this purpose he is required to learn and not have marks." she looks at Sera before turning her attention to him and the mess on the ground.

Ccino looks down himself as he feels the tears return. Anytime he sees her all he can think about is the fire. all he can think about is his parents trying to reach him. the locked door. the fire. the screams. he had been able to smell it in the carriage and-

"I see you still make messes." the disapointment is so obvious.

Ccino tugs on the shirt he had been gifted. His clothes that his parents had given him had been taken as soon as he got there. After his forced bath. something about cleaning off the dirt from his old life. the grey uniform had been left instead.

Though Ccino can't help but notice that his clothes are slightly different from other servants. There are tiny motives of apples and branches around the edges and seams. tiny details. Ccino figured it was because of his status as trainee but... well.. why special outfits when he only is suposed to train for a week? why make all his stuff have those?

Nim sighs loudly and Ccino pushes the tears away as he holds his shirt tighter.

"I will remind you. I expect perfection. I don't have use for unworthy people." some movement "And i expect you to train him well. There is a lot counting on this.".

a moment of silence and the king is gone.

Sera gets off the ground and glares at him. Ccino shivers as he waits. Sera huffs "pick up the tray and the cups. set it up again and get it ready. You failing will also look poorly on me. Get. To. Work."

Ccino nods and kneels down to get the tray and start moving one heavy cup at the time back on top of it.

until he ends with three filled trays again. And he tries to carry all three of them. again.

It drops a few more times but he ends up managing to balance one on his arm. Even if it is really heavy and his arm starts to ache.

Sera nods "Good. Now hold the other two trays with both your hands."

Ccino stares at her. is... is she serious? how... how is he suposed to? That is so heavy! His arm is already shaking. Sera just stares at him and looks at the trays "Well?! You udnerstand that right?!"

Ccino nods and slowly takes one of the trays. it woobles as he transfers it to his arm already carrying the tray. it is so heavy.... he manages to grab the third one and has to concentrate on not dropping anything or letting it fall over.

Sera sighs "finally managed to get you to do this stupid trick. it isn't even that hard. Now. Walk to the other side of the room and put all three down on the other table. No. Dropping."

Ccino glances over. it is so far... He takes a shaking step and all the trays start to tilt and he has to stop and correct them all. He looks unsure at Sera but she just points at the table and taps her foot.

He misses his mom. His mom would hug him and tell him it was okay when he dropped something. that they would clean it up together and next time ccino had to test before trying to lift something.

He takes a few steps and has to stop again. the trays barely don't fall and his arms hurt. The trays are just so heavy. Sera lets out another annoyed sigh and Ccino takes another few steps.

It takes long but he manages to make it to the other side. he puts the trays down and looks back.

Sera sighs as she shakes his head "You are much too slow and clumsy. you will never make it anywhere fast enough even if you use the tunnels. this is such a waste of time and you are clearly not the right pick. But. the king thinks you are the right pick! So we will just have to waste a lot of time on you." she glances at him and looks annoyed "and stop your annoying crying. you are acting like a child! You are gettnig the honour of working under the greatest king to have ever lived and work towards a glorious future! And you are thankless!"

Ccino sobs and rubs his sockets. his arms ache. he is so tired. he just wants to be home and hug his dad. his dad always makes the hurt and scared feelings go away. his dad's hugs were magical like that. his dad would always tell him the magic behind his hugs was love and so they worked best for ccino and ccino's mom because dad loved them both so much. Ccino wants him back.

Sera sighs "okay. once again. How do you get from the kitchen to the warroom?"

Ccino stares at the ground and mutters "i.. euh... i would."

Sera groans "speak up! If someone asks you to speak you speak up and proudly. No stammering. We have more important things to do than wait for you to figure out how to say a basic sentence."

Ccino flinches and nods as he tugs on his shirt. "To... get to teh warroom... f-from the kitchen.. you need to exit and go by the servant rooms. then past the storage. you get to the hall... then go up and up. then the..." was it east or west?! "west wing... then up again. and there should be a... red door. there is the warroom..." right?

Sera sighs loudly "we don't call it the servant rooms. we call it the servant quarters. Aside from that we don't call it going up and up. We call it going to the second floor." she shakes her head.

Ccino looks down and feels frustrated. but he was right! The directions were right! What does it matter what he calls things. some words are hard to say and he never used them before! it is just to know his way around right? why does it matter what he calls things in his head?

Sera walks towards the door "come. we will go to the kitchen so you can practise cooking again." she looks abck annoyed "and don't burn yourself again. YOu are suposed to be markless. perfect. act like it." and she leaves.

Ccino follows after the other. He wishes he was in bed and could just sleep.

they get to the kitchen and Sera looks at him "We will try an easy recipe because you are just useless. Start with a fritatta. Even you should be able to make that." and she waits.

Ccino stares at her. what is a fritatta? He glances around but there are no ingredients out already and there is no paper with the recipe on it. what... what?

Sera looks annoyed "it was in the book you were given to study at night."

Ccino looks down. When he got here and dropped off in his room after the forced bath there were a bunch of books. like ten and tehy were thick. all about manners and chores and how to act and who was who. He... he thinks there may have been a cooking book somewhere in there?

Ccino speaks up "i can... get it?" maybe then he can cook this weird fritatta thing?

Sera sighs loudly "and be fast."

Ccino rushes out of the kitchen and back to the servant quarters before running past the door leading there. He still isn't sure why he has a private room but at least this way people don't hear him cry at night. He gets there and searches between the books. eventually finding an old book and-

Why... why can't he read this?! It is all another language?! He opens it and looks for anything he can read but it is all just... weird! how... how can he? how is he suposed to read this?!

He still picks up the book and brings it to the kitchen. Sera looks at him expectingly "Well?"

Ccino looks down "i can't read this..."

Sera sighs loudly "Of course you can't do soemthign as basic as reading. you are an uncultered idiot. Honestly what did you do before? just play in the mud?"

Ccino feels close to tears as he remembers helpign his mother in the store with counting out change and helping refilling shelves. Helping her do the dishes as she teaches him how to make bread and deserts. "i can read... i just can't read this... this language..."

Sera frowns "You don't know french?! how can you be seven already and not even know french as well?! honestly the education is going downwards so quickly." she sighs and shakes her head "i supose i will just have to assist you again and get you a translated version. very well. For the meal you are about to make you will need the following. and pay attention because i don't like repeating myself."

Ccino rushes over as he tries to get the ingredients as quickly as possible. He just hopes he doesn't burn himself on the pan this time.

----

Ccino pants as he leans against the wall. He thought the first week was hard. It was much harder now. He kept getting orders that he needed to complete. bringing things around. helping making things. serving things to people.

It is all so hard and everyone just stares at him disappointed all the time. He wants to cry.

but crying isn't allowed. they were clear on that. if he cries he will just be locked in a dark room.

Something about them not being allowed to punish him the normal way. so they have to be creative. He doesn't like the dark closet. It is dark and always cold and he is so alone. No one talks to him when he is in there. he doens't hear anyone when he is in there.

He doens't even know what he does to get locked up in there. They never say what he does wrong. They just say he deserved it... is... is he a bad kid? is he being bad? mom and dad always siad he was good and they loved him... how come he is suddenly bad? he is trying. he is really trying!

He just wants to sleep and cry. but he is still in his shift and needs to work...

He gets to the kitchen as his arms ache. the cook looks up and waits. Ccino finds his voice and manages to not make it clear he is close to crying again "i delivered the food."

the cook, he never introduced himself, huffs "you better not have messed up my presentation again!" and he turns abck to the stove.

Ccino nods nad walks over to the chores board. it is magical... probably. ccino doesn't know how it works. just knows it shows what he needs to do. soemthing about the ehad of the house deciding who does what and when. He looks for his name at the very bottom and stares in shock. There is a demand for him to go to the throne room!! For a long time now!! Why did no one tell him?!

He rushes out of the kitchen and dives into the hallway to the servant quarters. he stops between the doors to the washing chambers and the dressing room and opens a panel to show a pathway. it is one of the many servant corridors that linger the castle. it makes it easier to get to places quickly. this one should lead towards the big entrance near the throne room.

He runs down the path. jumping over spare uniforms and discarded items and tools as he rushes.

He checks to make sure no one is watching before fully exiting. he rushes to the throne room and takes the servant entrance to it.

No one is there. Aside from Nim on her throne. She is drinking out of a fancy wine glass with wine that is probably more expensive than anything Ccino used to own put together. He glances around but sees no one else... euh....

Ccino doesn't remember a specific message about why he needed to be there. just that he needed to go there...

Ccino walks into the area and bows deeply "my king." even the title leaves a bad taste in his mouth. He hates the king. he HATES her with every spec of his being. but he can't do anything.

Nim hums as she looksup from the wine "you are slow. but you are a child and only have short legs. I expect you to get better with time. If i don't see improvements I will have to look for your replacement."

Ccino nods before answering "of course my king." please let him leave. please let that have been it. please-

Nim stnads up "but. I called you here for a reason. Follow me." and she turns before walking towards the exit.

Ccino wants to cry. he doesn't want to be near her! He doesn't want to follow her!

He follows her.

People stop and bow at Nim before shooting him glances. As they walk past Ccino can hear them start muttering things. something about it becomign official.

What... what is becomign official?

Nim leads him towards a whole otehr wing and up a set off stairs. very deep into the castle. Ccino hasn't been here before. just saw the pathways on the map he was given when he first got here two months ago. one he was told to memorise.

They stop by a door and Nim opens the door.

It is a child's room?

Nim walks over and Ccino sees two cribs. One with a very detailed moon and one with a very detailed sun. There are healers in the room who are keeping a close eye on the two babies and some maids filter about. nurse maids?

Nim walks over to the crib with the sun and picks up one of the babies- that is a skeleton. a baby skeleton?

Nim waves him over nad Ccino follows the wordless comment.

Nim starts to speak "This. Is Dream. He is my heir and will become your king in thirdteen years." she kisses his little skull before pointing towards the other crib "That. is Nightmare. He will be Dream's...." she smirks "He will help Dream rise to his rightful position of king."

Ccino looks at the two babies before back at Nim. Not sure what she wants from him.

Nim doens't take issue with him being quiet as she just keeps talking "your purpose and main job. is to do whatever it takes to get both of them to the right age of thirdteen. Their schooling and training will be arranged by others. But you will be their main caretaker. You will feed them. bath them. Make sure they are rested. You will be there for whatever they need." she looks at him. "understood?"

Ccino isn't sure how good he is at taking care of babies?! It does explain the child book that was in the pile. He nods and bows "of course my king."

Nim nods and turns back to look... almost lovingl at Dream "When they time comes. when Dream becomes king. You will be his."

Ccino freezes. What?

Nim continues to speak "You will do whatever he wishes. YOu will be his first mate and by whatever he wants."

Ccino feels his throat locks up before he wheezes out "But! He will be thirdteen my king! I would be twenty!" that is weird. that is gross. and is disgusting?!

Nim chuckles and looks amused "There will be ritual. Which will make it able for dream to go from a weak child to who he was always meant to be. a powerful being rivalling the very gods." she kisses the little skull of the sleeping baby. She grins at him "I myself went from age fourteen to twenty four in one moment. body, mind and soul all immediantly to that stage. Not a single lingering emotion of feeling from childhood. The ability to leave childhood behind with just one single ritual. It is wonderful."

Ccino disagrees. He doesn't want to marry Dream?! Dream is a baby? One he is suposed to raise? It would be weird! It would be like him marrying his old babysitter? and she was nice but she was also really different?

Nim puts Dream back in the crib "You will be allowed entrance and the maids will continue to feed both the twins. Your focus will be on Dream. Dream needs the most attention and care. But make sure Nightmare is healthy." she leaves him frozen in place "You are dismissed."

Ccino stands there as he watcehs the healers and nurse maids go about their work. After they finish they leave the twins in their cribs and leave.

Ccino shakes as he looks at the two children. the two baby skeletons. One, nightmare, yawns and opens the sockets. He looks at him curiously before babbling and holding out a tiny hand to him. him being awake seems to wake Dream as well as the other twin does the exact same thing as Nightmare.

Twins.

Ccino holds out both his hands and lets the two tiny babies hold his fingers. watching the two babble and tug on his hands happily as he feels his world falling apart even further.

----

One of the few things he kinda likes here is the food. It is always delicious and rich of everything.

Even the servants eat well!

Ccino sits in his seat as food is served.

One of the few things he kinda likes is having dinner with the other servants. Sure they all shoot him looks and mutter about favouritism but at these moments no one really seems to care!

They hand out food. talk about some light gossip. Talk about which nobelman or woman and shooting them considering looks.

Ccino likes it. it almost feels less like a prison like this. And he feels abit more connected with the others.

His private room is nice but well... it shows how much he is singled out. How he has a different main job than the other people. How from the start his job was different.

Everyone knows it.

It is what the apples stand for apparently.

That you are owned by the king. or future king in his case.

He heard some coucil people talk about how much of a shame it was that he was offlimits.

Which Ccino really doens't want to think about.

But! the food!

He feels his magic yearn for the deliciousness. It looks like some slowly cooked meat with a lot of potatoes and vegetables!

Oh it is going to be so good and he will sleep well tonight!

A plate is set down before him and he grabs his fork and knife. Waiting until everyone is served and-

His plates gets taken away!?

He looks around with a glare but it melts away as he spots Nim! He looks down immediantly "my king?"

Everyone is quiet and waits.

Nim looks at the meal with a huff before pulling him upright. Ccino stands before the king and waits.

Nim huffs and she pokes his stomach "You really going to eat even more? When you already have fat building?"

Ccino is confused. Skeletons don't get fat? It is just how magic is stored? Ccino knows he has the same way of magical storage as his mom has... had. She was short and a bit wider than most monsters. But his dad always said she was the most beautiful monster so obviously she was? and dad always said he knew that ccino would be like her and ccino had been excited? because he would be pretty like his mom?

Nim shakes her head "a glutton. That is a habit we will need to cut off right away."

Ccino looks unsure at the plate that she just. throws out. wait?! But his dinner?!

Nim nods to herself as she looks at him "Your eating habits will be monitored. You are still growing and so it is most important you have the correct diet." And she leaves.

What... what just happened? where is his dinner... He looks confused at the others but no one is looking at him. They eat as if there is nothing strange going on and his dinner wasn't just thrown away.

He moves to get a bit of the leftovers. They are always allowed to grab those. But as he moves to get a few of the leftover potatoes a hand pulls him away from the food.

Ccino looks confused up at Sera "but... I didn't get food? I didn't get dinner?"

Sera looks unamused "Oh you can't be that much of an idiot. The king wants you thin. thin and pretty. Not fat and ugly. So you are going on a very special diet. You will know what you are allowed to eat." she points to the door.

Ccino looks wishfully at the wodnerful meal before hanging his skull and moving out of the room. He walks back to his own room and opens the door.

Hope blossoms as he sees a plate and he rushes over. Only for his smile to fall.

It is... some cauliflower, zuccini and eggs.

It isn't bad? It is okay he thinks? He takes his seat and eats his food. It fills okay but he still feels like it was a small portion... But... they seem convinced this is right for him... had he really just been eating a lot? Had he really been a glutton as Nim said he was.

Still he doens't feel that full but it has been a long day and he really jsut wants to sleep.

He lays the plate to the side to clean up before breakfast and gets ready for bed. He lays in his bed and closes his sockets. He will need to be up at 5 am again. Eat his breakfast and check the twins to help build a bond... then he has chores and rushing from place to place again and more time with the twins...

He... He isn't sure what to do... he isn't sure if he can do this... He just wants to go back home...

He wishes he had been with his parents inside the house.

----

He is tired.

He just wants to sleep.

It has been half a year now.

He doens't feel any less sad.

He is so hungry.

Ccino is only allowed one meal a day. in the morning. nothing else aside from water.

It always feels too small and ccino is convinced the portions are getting smaller. Is that really all he needs? It doesn't feel like enough... but aparently he doens't know.

Everyone tells him he doesn't know anything. That he is dumb.

Maybe they are right.

He just wants to cry.

He doesn't want to go back to his room. nobelmen have been hanging around the servants area and they always look at him in ways that make Ccino feel gross.

But he can't just sit here. He is near the warroom. Hiding. People don't usually come here unless they have to get to this room.

Ccino already spend his morning with the twins. He figures he should ahte them but they always look happy to see him and babble and they let him hug them.

He hasn't had a hug since he was taken.

He needs those hugs. Even if the twins don't know how much it means for him.

Ccino sighs as he remains in his little corner. at the moment not caring his shirt will most likely get dirty and messy by doing this. He just doesn't want to be anywhere near the visiting nobelmen and those hands that reach and touch.

He just wants to be left alone. He used to hate being alone but now being alone is better than having others near. Everyone is always mean.

Even if he is fat and stupid he doesn't want others to be mean. He is trying his best. he really is. He knows he isn't enough. He knows he needs to do better. but it is hard! He is trying to learn. He just.

He sniffs.

ccino rubs his sockets nad mutters "no... don't cry... they will hear you and be mad..."

He feels sick. he feels tired. he hasn't felt his magic in a while and he can't even see in the dark anymore. something that every skeleton should be able to do with magic. but he can't.

Again shows he is just not good enough.

a movement in the corner of his sight and he freezes. He sneaks a look and stares.

a... cat?

what is c at doing inside?

A beautiful big cat... one of those very wild cats that his dad used to talk about.. maine coons? Didn't those cats also hunt like... foxes or soemthing?

The cat turns the corner and Ccino rushes after it before speaking in a whisper "oh no kitty... you can't be inside..." Nim had once called all cats vernim and disgusting. something about cats not listening or something. Ccino needs to get the poor cat outside!

He turns the corner and looks around before seeing the cat near an armour set up as decoration.

Ccino inches closer and whispers "No please be careful. those things tend to fall over..." he had been locked in the dark room for hours on end when he knocked one over an accident "lets get you outside okay?" he sniffs as he tries to remove some of his last tears.

The cat looks.. weird? almost shining and... wait... the tail doesn't look like a normal tial but more like... it has tiny branches? huh?

The cat disappears from sight and Ccino gets to the armour. He grins as he looks around it but it falls as he can't see the cat. He looks around and spots that one of the tiles on the wall seems out of place.

Huh... he never noticed that before... He nudges the tile and a part of the wall opens.

It is a crawl space and he barely fits. Maybe the cat went in here?

He mutters softly "here kitty kitty. it is okay... i won't hurt you... i am just trying to get you outside so you aren't hurt by any of the guards." he can't see anything in here but... well.. it is warm and it seems clean.

The door had closed and while inside he can hear others move about their day in the castle.

It is like one of the servant tunnels but not as crowded as the others... Not to forget it isn't filled with dust and dirt and instead very clean and warm. No draft or anything.

Ccino yawns as he rolls up in the tunnel. He had been wanting to sleep after all... maybe a quick nap... that is all.

Something wakes him and Ccino looks around confused.

Is he in the dark room? but it doesn't feel the same... it feels cozy and warm. Like when he would wake up in a tiny blanket fort in the middle of the night.

More sounds and movement of armour and Ccino frowns. armour? moving? guards? was there something about-

The guarding ceremony!! That was in the afternoon and he was suposed to be there! Oh no that is all the way in the hall and it is a nightmare to get there!

He qucikly crawls forwards. Maybe if he gets out he can take another servant path down towards the kitchen and rush to the hall? that is probably the fastest way and- AH!

He suddenly slides down as the tunnel dips. He ends up sliding to a stop right before anotehr tiny door. He pusehs it aside nad steps out from... under the stairs in the main hall?

Huh?

The door slides shut behind him and Ccino looks back confused. How did that tunnel lead... the way he had entered hadn't even pointed in the right direction right? but the tunnel didn't curve like that and-

"Ccino!" a loud hiss.

Ccino looks over and sees someone else motion their head for him to join them. It is Robin!! They are awesome! Ccino rushes to their side and Robin quickly pats him down from any dirt before standing at attention again and handing him a plate for himself.

Ccino stands ready and waits. watching as more guards move into the hall.

He had been on time? somehow?

The guard ceremony goes on as some guards are officially made part of the team to guard the castle. Nim is there in person but just stare at them. With a wave she leaves while the guards all mutter about it being a big honour.

Ccino rushes to join the other servants in bringing around food and snacks for them to eat.

His magic and nonexisting stomach knot together at the sight of food but he ignores it. He is used to these feelings by now.

By the time they get to the end he makes a quick escape to check on the twins again. He notices that they both seem to be bored and spends some extra time playing and hugging them.

Nightmare and Dream both lean against him and babble about their days. probably. Ccino has no idea he doesn't speak baby.

Ccino grins "really? and what did you do then?"

Dream is smiling happily as he throws out his tiny arms and babbles loudly.

Ccino nods "oh so true! You are so right for having done that. And what did your teddy bear do then?"

Dream wiggles from side to side and babbles and blows a raspberry.

Ccino gasps "Oh no he did not."

Dream coos and manages to stick his own foot in his mouth.

Ccino nods and hums "so true buddy. so true." he looks at Nightmare "What did you do little nighty? You stopped any traitorous teddy bear?"

As soon as Ccino speaks to Nightmare he coos and snuggles clsoer. Ccino grins and nuzzles the tiny skull "I see. You had a very busy day. I can only imagine."

He makes sure both the twins drink some of their bottles nad helps them burp gently. After which he puts them both in their cribs and tugs them in "there. all snuggly and ready for bed. You two be good okay?"

the babies are both already asleep.

Ccino hums a happy tune as he leaves the room.

He feels... good? Who knew a good nap would work so well!

He gets back to the servants area and checks his to do list. All clean! which means he can go back to his room and maybe study some of the books he got. try to memorise more and-

Robin stops him "where did you come from in the hall?"

Ccino frowns "one of the pathways? there was one that lead from near the warroom to there?"

Robin frowns "You mean the one that leads the to servants area? You wouldn't have exited in the hall. the hall only has two and none of them are near the stairs?"

huh... but he...

ccino frowns "I... I thought that..." he looks down. He had been so sure? sure it had felt weird but he was sure that was the pathway he took.

Robin's own frown lifts as they smile "hey. No worries. You are stressed and honestly they put way too much pressure on you... Even I can see that and I have only been here a few weeks now!" They grin "Get some rest..." they frown at him "You seem like you need it..." they walk away as they mutter to themselves about him looking pale.

Ccino frowns as he goes back to his room. He lays in his bed and thinks.

No he is SURE he got into that crawlspace... and it lead to the hall. He is very sure about that...

Robin is new... maybe they just haven't discovered all the paths yet?

Ccino lays in bed before having enough. He leaves it and sneaks around the castle. he knows he shouldn't be out this late but he needs to check.

He gets to the hall and goes straight to the stairs. It looks like a normal wall.

He searches for the usual marks that indicate a servant passage but doesn't find any... huh... weird but he... he came from here...

He sighs as he leans against the wall and yelps as it gives way immediantly. laying half in and hald out of the crawl space.

...

Why does he get the feeling he just found something he wasn't suposed to find?

----

After his first secret passageway he spend a lot of time trying other random walls in his free time. He was nearing his one year aniversary but he has found many at this point.

He has paths that lead anywhere he wants to be. Even the stables!

Which. very much impossible seeing as those are a seperate building.

Sure the tunnel he found goes down adn then up a bit before he exits into the storage area of the stables but that still seems like a stretch.

Who makes a secret tunnel underground to lead to the stables from near the library?

The point is. Ccino has a cheat sheet!

It means he can get anywhere impossibly fast with a smile on his face.

Which some found weird but mostly people just sighed and muttered about him finally being able to do the work he is suposed to. Nim looked satisfied and spoke about Nim having picked the right one after all.

Ccino even has one that seems to go up inside a pillar as he can just climb up vertically to get from the groundfloor all the way to the west wing fifth floor!!

That normally is a nightmare to get to within fifteen!

Ccino does have to remind himself to be careful.

Seeing as one time he tripped and almost fell inside one of those vertical tunnels.

Only for his hand to just happen upon something to grab on.

Ccino had just hang there. By a tiny stone ledge that seemed like a root. One he had been so sure hadn't been there before. BEcause he checks those tunnels to make sure he knows how to move.

So he sat there. in the dark. Having been saved from a nasty fall by.... by something.

Ccino had put his hands together in a prayer and whispered "to the one watching. to the one who helps. I thank you. I have nothign to gift but wish you well. For you are bringing a light to the darkness of my life. Thank you." and he had bowed. and stayed bowed for a minute.

He didn't have anyhting to offer as tribute. Fearing it would lead to mice or rats and that Nim would notice. But he could mutter small prayers.

Nothing official. He had no idea how one prayed to a god. The only reason he knew that that is what people do is because Nim demanded them all to pray to her before they ate. because she was their god.

Each time before his own dinner in the forced privacy of his own room he would pray for whatever power was helping him instead. Thank you.

Thank you for seeing he needed help and being willing to gift it.

Ccino knows it is something. Because the next time he used that tunnel more root like stones had appeared that mimicked railings for him to grab. these had also appeared in the other vertical climbing tunnels.

There was something magical in this castle.

And Ccino is very sure... it isn't conencted to Nim.

[softiejoon]

SKZ + BARBENHEIMER

warnings ; mentions of food, crying and the patriarchy

a/n ; just a silly little thing for fun (extremely barbie-biased bc i have not seen oppenheimer 🤭)

.・゜-: ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　✧　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙ :-゜・．

chan

is totally down for the double feature

equally excited for both tbh

was easily persuaded into dressing on theme

you rocking all black and a leather trench coat, and chan in baby pink and denim <33

y’all slayed

lots of snacks and drinks to sustain you both throughout the night

(chan cries during barbie)

long late night conversations after the movie <33

overall an 11/10 experience with ur ken (affectionate) !!

:-゜・．

minho

complains about it being too much effort (he’s already bought the tickets)

will do the bare minimum in terms of dressing to theme but enjoys seeing you all excited and happy

EXTREMELY engrossed throughout barbie

wouldn’t even let you out to pee at first bc you were “disrupting a very important cinematic experience”

sits through the entire end credits

“soo did you like it?” “it was okay i guess”

drags jisung along to see it again bc he knows you’d never let him live it down

:-゜・．

changbin

did not want to see oppenheimer at first

“it’s just stupid men being stupid and blowing stuff up” “okay but cillian murphy and florence pugh are in it”

only goes on the condition you both dress to the barbie theme

honestly he outdressed you. there’s no two ways about it

changbin kenned so hard you can’t help but respect it

“baby, you ready to go?” “…” 🙄 “..ken, you ready to go?” “yes barbie!!!”

needless to say you had trouble getting him to leave the theatre

“okay bin, time to go” “no they haven’t played barbie dreams by fifty fifty yet”

:-゜・．

hyunjin

soo dramatic about the entire thing

thinks himself into a panic when deciding which one to see first

then also proceeds to have a crisis about which theme to dress to

has too many outfit ideas for both and makes you watch as he models all of his 50 options

complains if you don’t give detailed feedback on each one

“ynnie are you even looking??” “hyunjin, if looks could kill right now…”

when he finally does decide on his outfit though, it’s like walking the red carpet with him

looks hella good and he knows it

lovees the photo opps (probably the best part of the night for him smh)

:-゜・．

jisung

babygirl is so excited to see barbie

thought it would be a feel-good film

is sorely mistaken when he sees you tearing up during the movie

next thing he knows, boom! (woops wrong movie) he’s bawling

listens so intently to you talk about the film afterwards that he surprises even himself

genuinely just wants to learn more so he does his own research

(and not just about horses, though it is included)

“really? you, mr jeogiyo noona hokshi namja–?” 😭😭😭

makes you buy him the kenough hoodie for emotional damage

you agree

:-゜・．

felix

he’s so excited!!!

bakes cookies for you both to sneak into the theatre

briefly considers doing a split dye just for the premiere

“lix angel we’re leaving in an hour” “fine :(”

but his pout disappears immediately when you offer to help with his makeup

“sit stilll lixie” “can’t, ‘s ticklish!”

there is pink glitter. everywhere.

bc someone insisted it was essential for the look

(he was right, it really does top it all off)

you’re also running late bc you and felix got a little distracted while finishing off his makeup

it’s not your fault his lips look so kissable with your gloss on

and it’s not felix’s fault he’s addicted to the strawberry taste on both your lips

you do eventually make it there though, just missing all the ads

safe to say there were a lot of laughs shared and tears shed <3

:-゜・．

seungmin

man this dude is the biggest pretend-hater

told you he refuses to see barbie and wants to see oppenheimer instead

you frowned and begged for him to give in but no luck

then the next thing you know you’re at the theatre and it’s two tickets for barbie

wtf??

“is this some sick mind game?”

“what, you think im that twisted? maybe we should go see oppenheimer since you love evil geniuses so much”

watches you snatch the tickets from his hand and run off with a lovesick smile on his face

for the entirety of the following week, you catch moments of seungmin humming the barbie soundtrack

always stops the second you’re around though and tells you you’re hearing things

“stop gaslighting me, that’s so un-barbie of you”

but when you finally catch him singing ‘i’m just ken’ in the shower ohoho

you throw open the bathroom door “aha! i knew it!!”

“y/n what the hell??” “i knew ittt. you lovee barbie hehe”

“whatever.. but uh since you’re here…can you pass me a towel please?”

“okay :) if you sing :))”

in the end, he got his towel and you got a full rendition of the song from your red-faced boyfriend

:-゜・．

jeongin

just doesn’t really get the hype

he was fine seeing either or none of them tbh

but you convinced him with the prospect of matching outfits <33

he’s so into it that you forget he was the one who didn’t want to go at first

literally buys you matching pieces and jewellery to wear

you have no control over your outfit at this point

but it makes him happy and you know you’re in good hands so you let him have at it

ofc you both end up looking great

makes you take a bunch of pics for his ig tho 🙄

but you get a bunch of cute couple ones in too

honestly? you couldn’t really tell what he thought of the movies after

but the next day you can hear him watching tiktok in the living area

and it’s all…barbie commentary?

there’s the occasional fashion and kpop video in the mix but video after video you can hear him listening to critical analysis of the film

“baby?” “hm?” “you good?” “yeah” then after a beat “fck the patriarchy tho”

~

© softiejoon | send me feedback/requests | support me

[pedrostylez]

The Gray: Chapter 5

pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

rating: 18+ (no minors please)

word count: 5k

chapter warnings etc: NOT CANON JOEL MILLER, swearing, mentions of violence, punching, kicking, blood, anger, SMUT, dirty talk, riding, hella consent, some size kink stuff okayyyy, pet names including Eminem references and nicknames but not to be associated with the appearance of reader. NO USE OF Y/N.

A/N: If you didn't see my personal post, I've had a wild couple months, and finishing this was last on my mind. BUT I want to thank those that have stuck around to read it. I apologize for errors, mistakes, and grammatical issues-I was inspired enough to finish it so let's give some woop-woop for that huh? Anyways, love yall <3

 Be mindful, and control your own reading experience.

Joel doesn’t want to think it was a mistake.

Laying you out on his bed, fucking you and letting you ride him the way you did. It’s not like he can help himself, really. Once he got a taste of what it was like to have you, he couldn’t stop.

From round two of bending you over the couch and eating you out while you whined and called his name, to letting you suck him off in the shower, Joel doesn’t think he can go back to the routine you had before. 

He’s easily distracted by you now. The way you float out of the training room, ready to take on the next file of paperwork to review. The way you blink at him slowly from the bed, silently asking him to join the warm blankets when it gets late. The way your teeth sink into your lip when you want to ask him for something that he’s more than happy to give. 

He wants to give, give, give.

It’s been so long for him. 

But the battery of one of his camera’s goes out during the week and he swears to internally, knowing he has to go fix it. When you ask if you can go with him, he realizes how easy it was to say yes. 

“Just a dead camera, sugar.” He mumbles out, cheeks tightening with a smile when you scoff at him.

“We should stick together, in case anyone recognizes us.” You point out, leaning back on the couch and stretching like a cat in the sun. Your shirt rises, tempting Joel to go for the smooth skin beneath the fabric, but he refrains.

“We could go tonight. I don’t want the system to be down for too long.” He turns back to the screens, eyes hovering over the darkened one before shrugging. “I should probably check my mail too.”

You turn your head, frowning for a moment. “You actually get mail?”

Joel lets out a laugh, turning back to you.“I have to get those care packages of cereal sponsorships from somewhere.” He finds himself sitting down next to you, your legs easily lifting to lay over his lap. His fingers tickle at your calves, your smile the only indication that you notice he’s doing it.

Your eyes close as if you’re exhausted, yawning. “How are you still sponsored by Honey Nut Cheerios if you’re considered a villain?”

His hands tighten around your legs, squeezing at the muscles. “Don’t hate on my hussle.”

You burst out in a laugh, trying to pull your legs away but he holds on tighter, pulling you toward him until you’re able to sit up and straddle his lap. It’s almost instant how you lean into him, lips brushing his and sighing out happily as you grind your center against his own. 

He shouldn’t get used to this, but he wants to. 

Joel’s feet felt heavy on the sidewalk, his hood blocking his peripheral vision and the cover of dusk barely enough for him. 

But you’re under his arm. 

Your hand is wrapped around his waist under the sweatshirt, your own hood pulled up as he directs you. Your breath is fanning over the open zipper, one hand holding a bag of packages from the post office before you peer up at him. “Do you think we look crazy?”

Joel grunts, not giving you an answer as he turns his head to look into the road. The street lights are beginning to turn on, and the people on the streets are heading home. The temperature is dropping, he can feel it through the fabric, and your arm is so warm around him. No one notices or cares about your shared presence, and it sets his mind at ease.

The alleyway is coming up on the right, his body turning toward you, walking you backwards into a wall. You huff out a breath, confusion clear. “Kiss me.” It’s a demand, purely for the disguise he tries to tell himself, but he feels this pull toward you that he just can’t tame. You breath catches, your pupils widening as he leans in, pressing his lips to yours. 

He’s trying to keep control of himself–your hand is snaking up to around the back of his head, keeping his hood in place. Your lips are so soft, and he can’t help but groan when he tries to pull away, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek. “We need to go here.” He mumbles into your ear, letting you explore the rest of his body with your hands. “Keep going.”

“I think you just wanted to kiss me.” You tease, turning your head to capture his mouth again, sighing happily. 

He pulls you away from the wall, taking another glance around before pulling you down the dark alleyway into the shadow. His hand is stuck to your back, and Joel is trying to get ahold of himself. 

He unlocks a door in the back of the alley, no lights in sight as he pushes you into the hallway, the door shutting quietly behind you both. Joel feels your breath catch, how you hold it until he squeezes around your hip. “Alright?” He asks gruffly, feeling you nod against his chest. 

You hum in a high pitched tone, breathing in sharply and reaching for his hand and squeezing roughly. “I can’t see.” You squeak.

Joel frowns in the darkness, tilting his head to look down at you. His eyes have adjusted, used to this, his powers kicking in to accommodate, and your eyes are wide and searching around in the shadow for anything. Terrified. 

“Just step forward, sugar.” He says quietly, giving you another squeeze. “Your eyes will adjust.”

His attention is fully on you, steering you in the direction he wants to go, you still blindly trusting him. This thought in the back of his head that you shouldn’t be trusting him, and he shouldn’t trust you goes quiet, keeping a firm grip on you. 

He feels you shake, unable to relax enough for your eyes to take in what little light there is, and he lets his body relax against you. “There is a room at the end of this hallway where I can turn on the lights.” He says quietly, letting you set the pace for how fast you both walk but still directing you. 

You let out a shaky breath, nodding without a word as you continue on. His hand lets go of you, your back stiffening against his front, until a light flickers on and you’re both bathed in the yellowed bulb. 

Joel steps in front of you, a small smile on his face as he looks you over. “Should train you in the dark instead of running.” He comments, hoping to lift your mood. 

When all you do is nod, biting at your lip and looking around, he frowns. 

Here in the light, he can see the wires he’s haphazardly put up, messy but working. His eyes find the backup battery, crouching over to begin opening it. “Just a quick fix.” He grumbles, letting you stand in the center of the room as he works.

Joel notices the way your lips upturn for a moment, pretending that you’re fine as you stare only at him and not behind you. He pulls batteries out of his pocket, hand gliding over the different stations and replacing the old with the new. 

“What happens if one of the wires goes bad?” You ask quietly, eyes trained on his features as he glances in your direction.

“It hasn’t happened yet, but I would replace the wire. It doesn’t go very far, just to a wireless router that lets the visuals come to me virtually instead of the wires being all around town.” He speaks quickly, feeling embarrassed for a moment before he shrugs. “Not too complicated.”

You nod, placing your hands behind your back and taking a step toward him. “Anything I can do?”

Joel is already shaking his head, frowning internally. “No, just…stand guard.” He mumbles, turning his back to you even though everything in him tells him he shouldn’t be trusting you this way. It’s only for a few more minutes.

You’re standing awkwardly a few paces away from Joel still, 30 minutes later. You had offered again to give him help, but he grumbled that he “needed you to stay put.” and you chose to lean against the wall instead. 

Something felt off. 

Joel over the past few days has been either fucking you or observing you. And to be honest with yourself, you prefer it when he’s fucking you because at least then you can both shut off your brains for a moment. 

Now that it’s happened, whatever this is between you, Joel is closing himself back off. You thought you were making progress, showing your interest, your shared goal of getting revenge was opening him up, loosening him so that you could truely work together. 

But now…

Joel suddenly stands, breaking you out of your thoughts as he turns. “All done, let’s go.”

“What took so long?” You question, wincing when he shuts off the lights again, the green and red indications on the battery packs and where the wires connect the only thing you can see until Joel stands in front of you, blocking the light. 

“The old battery leaked, I had to clean it out.” He mumbles, his warm hands landing on your shoulders and you can’t help but jump. He turns you, ignoring your physical reaction and leading you back down the hallway. 

When you feel the cool metal at your fingertips, you breathe a sigh of relief, the latch opening into the night that is somehow just as dark. But the street lights are nearby, and your eyes are more easily adjusting to out here than to in the alleyway. 

The silence between the two of you, Joel arm wrapped stiffly around your shoulder again, your hand clutching the fabric of his sweatshirt as he leads you back the way you came, has you retreating into your mind again. 

Back at the hideout, the bag of his mail being placed gently on the table, you look over to Joel. He’s grabbing at his hair, pulling at the roots of the gray by his ears and looking to the security system. You glance at the screens, taking a double take when you see Marianne in town square, AJ at her side as they walk casually into The Organization headquarters. 

Joel grunts unhappily, turning to look at you. “We have to get this plan moving.”

He’s back to sharing with you, a wave of relief filling you as you sit down on the couch, taking off your sweatshirt. “I agree. They shouldn’t get too comfortable.”

Instead of sitting beside you, he pulls a chair out from the table to sit across from you, leaning forward with his elbow on his knees, scratching at his chin. You bite the inside of your cheek, doing your best to keep your thoughts to yourself, no matter how much you want to jump him right now. 

The ease at which he leans, his biceps straining against even the sweatshirt he still has on, has your eyes trailing over him as he talks. “We have to grab AJ, minimum, tomorrow during his next PR stunt. That’s the only way. We’ve let them do their thing for a few weeks now, letting them get comfortable, but it’s not wise of us to assume that they aren’t preparing as well.”

“Of course.” You cough, eyes looking back up to him after catching your thoughts wandering too far to pay attention. 

His eyes, deep brown crinkle at the sides as he smirks at you, a glimmer of mischief. “Watch it, sugar.”

“I didn’t do anything.” You feign innocence, not bothering to shoot him a smirk of your own when he leans back, his arms crossing over his chest and his chin tilting down to examine you better. 

“Maybe not.” He says quietly, the roughness of his voice making your insides clench. He pushes a foot out, the toe of his boot barely brushing yours. “But you’re thinking of something.”

“Not a thought behind these eyes.” You squeak, crossing your own arms to mirror him. This is what you prefer with him; this banter back and forth that keeps him relaxed around you. When he gets stiff and awkward, as if he’s hiding things from you, makes your own guard come up. 

His tongue peeks out, licking his bottom lip as he taps his foot one, two, three times. “Want to know what I’m thinking?” He asks, leaning back forward and letting his arms release and reach for your knee. Joel doesn’t wait for your response before he continues. “I’m thinking about how you would look right now if you were riding my cock.”

You widen your eyes, almost choking as his fingers sink into the skin on your leg and pull you toward him, as if inviting you right now. “You want me to?”

“If you want.” He says quietly, his gaze glancing down to your shirt, to where his hands are holding your legs. 

You tilt your head, biting your lip and letting your hand land on top of his. “I always want to.” You admit, smiling at him when his eyes come back to meet your own. 

His cheeks slowly fade into a shade of red, shaking his head at you in disbelief before he stands, grabbing your hand to pull you up with him. 

He switches places with you, spinning you around so that he can slowly lower himself on to the couch. His lips trail along the front of your shirt, a path of heat left in his wake. Joel quickly squeezes at your hips before he fully sits down, leaning comfortably with his neck exposed to you. 

Like there are no thoughts in your head, you press one knee down into the cushion by his thigh, pressing your center to his as you sit in his lap. “This is what you wanted?” You ask breathlessly, resting your hands on his shoulders. 

He hums, letting his eyes half close before pressing his lips in to your collarbone. “You’re just so pretty propped up on my lap like this.”

Your heart races under his mouth, closing your eyes and sighing to try and keep it together. “You just want me to do all the work, Joel.”

He chuckles, fingers digging into your hip as an answer before he lets his fingers drift up under your shirt, skating the fabric up over your ribcage. When the shirt comes off and his eyes are trailing over your chest, you can’t help but reach down to his jeans, unbuttoning them as quickly as your fingers allow. 

You almost don’t notice how Joel brings a hand up, squeezing you before pinching a nipple to listen to you hiss. “Let me see you, baby.”

You’re barely able to move his zipper out of the way fast enough, the strain against the fabric making it hard to manuver. He grunts as your fingers wrap around him, pulling him out of his briefs as best as you can to look down at the weeping head. 

You feel your mouth dry, seeing the length of him catching you off guard like it has previously. But he doesn’t allow you to think for much longer about it, shifting your hips forward to let the head of his cock press at your opening for a moment before lifting you just enough to fit himself in. 

You groan in unison, eyes closing in bliss as you attempt to adjust to Joel’s size. He gives you little time, fingers pressing into your hips and torso, urging you to lift yourself on your knees and press yourself into him over and over. 

“Lift that perfect ass up.” He growls, snaking his hand down to the roundness of your ass and squeezing. 

“Let me just–” You moan, the slight lift from his hand before rocking back down on him has you losing focus. “You’re just so–”

“I know.” He coos, his other hand pushing your hair back, hooking around the back of your neck and jaw. Your eyes blink open, leaning into his hand to see how his pupils have blown wide, his mouth open with his own breath. “I know, baby. It’s a lot, huh?”

You furrow your brow at the tone, the light teasing as if he is challenging you. You fall into his trap, lifting yourself slowly to being riding him, picking up the pace as you gain momentum. Your hands support yourself on his shoulders, his head lolling back at the feeling of you squeezing him. 

“That’s it.” He breathes, lifting a hand away from your ass and landing a light smack to the skin. “So fucking good like this, sugar.”

You sink your teeth into your lip, closing your eyes as you feel your end approaching. The way his cock has been brushing against your walls, the press of his fingers into your skin…

“Joel.” You warn, digging your nails into his shoulders. “I-I’m–”

“Go ahead, baby.” He pants, lifting his own hips to meet yours as your rhythm begins to falter. 

When you finish around him, your walls squeezing him to the point that his own moan is choked, you almost fall completely into him. Your vision goes completely white, unable to know which way is up or down, not knowing how long it lasts for.

Joel holds you steady, pumping his hips up from the couch into you for only a few more times before he comes himself. “Fuck–sugar–” He calls faintly, your ears ringing as you rest your forehead against his neck. 

You both sit there for a few moments, catching your breath as you cuddle into his chest before he lifts you with him still inside, standing and carefully walking toward the bedroom. 

“Tomorrow?” You ask breathlessly, referring to AJ’s PR stunt. Your eyes are drooping, heavily closing and reopening with less and less ability to keep them open to focus on him. 

Joel sighs, a new shirt covering you and him, his jeans replaced with pajamas as he’s pulling the blanket up past your shoulders and pressing his lips to your temple. “Y-yeah.” He coughs, laying his head down on the pillow next to you. “I’ll wake you up so we can be in position before they get there.”

“Okay.” You respond, drifting off into a dreamless sleep. 

But Joel doesn’t sleep. 

Instead, he lays next to you until he knows you’ve truly passed out, standing up and grabbing his jeans before shutting the door behind him and heading to his stash of weapons. He’s only given you the information he knows you would have already had if you were still in contact with AJ and Marianne. 

You wouldn’t do that to him. 

But he can’t be too careful. 

There’s this alarm in the back of his brain, telling him that he’s gotten too sloppy with you. That he played right into your hand, got too comfortable because he likes burying his cock into you, likes having you around. 

Likes you. 

But he can’t think about that too much right now; he puts on his gear and straps a few extra weapons to him in case something goes wrong. He can do this alone like he had always planned before, and he will deal with your wrath after. Assuming you would be upset with him and not impressed that he caught on to some ulterior motives you may have. 

Joel swears to himself as he looks at the closed bedroom door, not daring to open it in case it wakes you. 

He knows he will get his revenge, whether you’re with him, or against him. 

The roof of this building is just like the rest, the wind whipping through and slapping him in the face roughly. He squints, doing his best to not react any further and hold himself still, watching as the shadows get darker around him. 

He watches the camera crew, come and go, come and go, and come and go again. Setting up their equipment, being berated by Marianne over the phone, changing out the gear. Joel remains patient, prowling, keeping his eyes on what is in front of him. 

He’s so intently focused, that when the sun begins to set, and the time that AJ and Marianne gets closer and closer, his thoughts wander to you. He had set up his cameras to detect when you left, to alert him, but nothing. He refrains from checking his watch, knowing he may miss what is right in front of him. 

And then suddenly, AJ strides in front of him, just as Joel knew he would scanning the area curiously before turning to the cameras set up but abandoned. 

That worries him, but only long enough for him to think about it before the person he is after is in front of him again. “Am I early?” He calls, turning his body away from Joel’s direction unknowingly.

Joel creeps out, the shadows around him covering him for a second longer before he lets it drop. “AJ, how nice to see you again.” He says gruffly, tilting his head as he watches AJ turn slowly. “Expecting me, I see?”

“Joel…” AJ says with a warning tone, clenching his fists at his sides, tilting his chin down and breathing in deeply. “Why are you here? Where’s our little friend?”

“I figured she would be with you…” Joel trails off, realizing now that he was wrong…of course he was wrong. He’s been too paranoid to know the difference. “I’m not letting you leave this roof alive.”

AJ scoffs. “Like hell, old man.”

Joel doesn’t wait any longer, rushing him and letting his fist connect with the side of AJ’s face. AJ turns, blood spilling from between his teeth at the uanticipated blow before shaking his head back. Joel hears the crack of his bones, and rocks another into AJ’s shoulder before he can send one back. 

AJ sneers at him, spinning and launching himself forward with a powerful kick aimed at Joel’s midsection. Joel dodges, barely getting the toe of the boot to his ribs as he lets his open palm slam into AJ’s nose. 

"Pretty good for an old man!" Joel laughs, following up with a series of quick jabs into AJ’s kidneys from behind. But AJ is able to turn, wrapping his arm around Joel’s neck quickly with his lightning speed before Joel even has a chance, letting his knuckles bruise Joel’s cheek. 

He keeps connecting his fist to Joel’s face, over and over and over again, to the point that Joel suddenly regrets being here alone. This feeling swells inside of him, his arms flailing, trying to catch on to AJ’s sleeves, or on to anything before AJ completely obliterates his face, but he can’t seem to get a grip. 

“Just like always, Miller.” AJ says breathlessly, taking a break long enough to tilt Joel’s face up to get a better look at the blood, at the bruises blooming below the surface. “You always start it, but I will always finish it.”

Joel should have known better than to do this alone. But he just couldn’t help himself. 

Another blow to the face before the ringing in his ears increases, the break from AJ’s fists only temporary while he feels the vibrations of AJ’s laugh. Another punch to his cheek, his hands becoming weak from holding at AJ’s arm, not able to provide air for himself any longer. 

But suddenly, the arm is lifted from his neck and he is able to kneel roughly, coughing into the concrete and supporting himself on his hands. Joel looks up, the ringing subsiding, his heartbeat still loud in his ears to see you, standing above AJ leaning over the side of the roof. 

And it’s not like the movies, with anything said between the two of you, or him pleading for his life. No, Joel watches as you reach down, your foot pressing deeper into AJ’s sternum and wrapping your hands around his head, quickly twisting and snapping his neck. 

Your suit glows around the arms, the strength you used not your own, as you stand there and stare at the life you just took, before releasing your foot and letting AJ’s body fall over the side of the building. 

Joel releases a sigh, breath heaving as he looks at you, turning your body to face him as if he is next. Your eyes are glued to him, blood on your hands, splattered up your wrists from your own punches thrown, and all he can see is fury. “Why did you do that?” He asks, husky and dry on his tongue. 

You stare at him a bit longer, a frown of confusion on your face for a moment before you lift a hand and point at him. “You don’t trust me.” You spit at him. You suit continues to glow, and Joel realizes that you’ve made your suit work off your emotions; your anger.

Joel coughs, closing his eyes from the pain radiating through his face, before the words spill out of his mouth.  “I couldn’t. I had to be sure. I had to do this myself.”

You laugh, shaking your head and looking down to AJ’s still body over the edge of the roof. “Yeah well I finished it.”

At first, Joel doesn’t know what to say. He’s not sure if he should thank you, or if he should be upset with you. He settles on indifferent, sighing heavily. “I know. I’m at peace with that.”

You turn you back to him, shoulders coming up to your ears in defense as if Joel is going to take a step forward and touch you. Part of him wants to–to put a hand on your shoulder, to turn you around, to whisper how thankful he is for you. For saving him. He was literally about to be pummeled to death. 

But he doesn’t, he stays where he is, one knee on the ground and the other supporting his elbow. He begins to stand, grunting and groaning at the feeling before resting on the balls of his feet and staring at you. 

You open your mouth, straightening your back and turning to him again, but this time you’re even more stone cold. No anger, no anything, just looking at him. “I’m not at peace.”

Joel is confused for a moment, eyebrow furrowed as he waits for something else to come out of your mouth. “What do you mean?” He concedes. 

“If you can’t trust me, I can’t trust you.” You say matter-of-fact, looking at his feet before snapping them back up to his face. “I’m done.”

The silence of the night fills the air between you, the distant sound of sirens reach Joel’s ears as he begins to understand what you mean. You can’t trust him, and so you won’t stick around. But that can’t be right, he just got used to you. 

“You can’t be done with me.” He scoffs, shaking his head. 

“I can. I am.” You clear your throat, crossing your arms over your chest in defense. 

“Slim, please,” He caves, suddenly hyperaware that the sirens are getting closer, and they are likely coming here. The overwhelming feeling to fight for you comes over him, and he reaches out for you. 

You try to dodge him, but his fingers graze your wrist. “Don’t fucking touch me, ever again.” You snarl, the cold exterior dropping for a moment and he swears he sees your eyes pool with tears. “You used me this morning, and nothing you say will change that.”

Joel shakes his head. “I know, baby I’m sorry–”

“Stop.” You cut him off, taking a large step away from him. The sirens are ever present, and you begin backing up toward the edge of the roof where AJ was standing. “I’m leaving.” You announce, twisting yourself to get ready to launch and fly off the edge. 

“Will you come back to the hideout?” Joel persists, stepping forward and reaching for your hand. You’re already mad, maybe this won’t help, but he has to try. His fingers graze yours, and you pull away as if burned. 

You shake your head, hissing. “Never. You can’t trust me, I can’t trust you. We’re done Joel, do you hear me?”

Joel lets his hand fall back to his side, the feeling of something warm dripping down the side of his face as he whispers. “Is that what you want?”

You gasp, eyes searching over his face, not expecting him to ask that. He sees you nod your head, the tears back. “Yes.”

Joel nods, stepping back toward the shadows, the sound of yelling filling his ears. “Get out of here.” He nods at you, covering himself in shadow as he launch yourself off the side of the roof. 

When Joel is able to make it back to his hideout, the news on the TV already covering AJ’s death, he roughly sits down on the couch and sighs heavily. He looks to the open bedroom door, the sheets and blankets a mess, and can almost see the panic that you endured as you began to get ready, trying to find where Joel was. 

He almost laughs, the feeling on the side of his face radiating a pain he hasn’t felt before. His eyes flick back to the screens in front of him, Marianne plastered over every single one as she tries to work the PR crisis. 

But Joel doesn’t feel anything about it, about Marianne being on the screen. Instead, Joel stands and clicks a few buttons, his surveillance cameras turning to the rooftop he just came from, rewinding the time to see what exactly happened. 

He watches, emotionless, until you appear on the screen. He commands his security system, a few clicks of triangulation, and now the security system is focused for him. Focused on finding you. 

Joel knows you don’t want to be found; you made that very clear. But…he knows he can’t help himself. 

If he can help protect you, even though you can do it yourself, then he will try. 

[elsa-fogen]

So uhhh quick question what would you do if you wanted to finish something (an art cough cough) but everytime you tried to finish it, your motivation just keeps flicking in and out and made you have a hard time finishing it and almost made you wanna give up and leave it unfinished?

Sorry for the long question but i have SO many unfinished drawings that i want to post so bad but couldn't for sum reason 😭

And you're the only artist so far that i know almost post around every 3-5 days

You don't have to answer this but can you pls give me youtube art tutorials that help you?

So very sorry for disturbing you 😅

i'm not the best person to ask for advice, honestly. Maybe it'll sound too prideful, but i consider myself a really special case. I don't hate myself and my art (mostly), i don't suffer while drawing, and i've never had an "art block" in my life. I've been drawing my whole life, and if you count all days when i didn't draw anything you'll get... well, maybe 2-3 years out of my 24. I think. so, anything i say may not be helpful.

Actually almost everything you see in my blog are just colored sketches, not finished art

woops haha

Maybe that'll work for you too? try to just color your sketches and post them as they are. When i realised that my works don't have to be fully finished, my life become much easier. And i was really surprised to find out how many people can enjoy my comics even if they're just sketches. Of course, comics with cool art and colors will get more attention, but in the end, you won't get any attention if you don't post anything. so i know for a fact that i can't pull out a fully rendered comic, and all i can do - just sketches, and in this case it's better to post at least them then post absolutely nothing. There will be people who enjoy them.

and very often stuff you did for fun has more attention then those things you spend much time and effort (like how my shitty meme got 10k notes out of nowhere)

but when i need to finish something i just make myself do it. Just breaking myself over a knee. And don't start anything else before it's done.

It helps when you have a date when the art should be finished, and consequences if it's not. Yeah.

And EXCUSE YOU, I ACTUALLY POST EVERY DAY! gee, no respect on this hellish site for my hard work /very much J

And i don't watch any art tutorials aha- i watch reactions or game playthroughs, or some blogger ramble about some cartoon while drawing.

so yeah, kinda messy, as all my text posts are... but hope it'll help you. Good luck with your art!

[pineapplehazard]

Just finished s7!!! Right on time✨

Now did I cry when Eddie said goodbye to Chris? Yes, yes I did.

But here's my thoughts about the last two episodes:

- Eddie Diaz : the whole thing with Kim was actually crazy of him, but her playing Shannon?? That man has a reason to act like a mad man but girl what are YOU doing?? That was a quick expedition out for Marisol too, Buck and him see to have a way to make girlfriends disappear this season.

- Chris Diaz : valid. I get why he thinks it's better for him to be away from his father for some time, it's probably a good thing actually for them to have space to breath and accept what happened. But the Diaz parents?? Ramon shit talking about Shannon every chances he's giving (he literally did it at her funeral that man has no shame), and Helena acting like she just won lottery, please at least ACT like you're not happy to take Chris from you son. Honestly if my own mom wasn't sitting right next to me I would have been insulting both of them so MUCH.

- Hen Wilson : I'm mad that they were all going to be happy and then that woman whose son hasn't been mentioned since like ep2? comes to take her revenge out of nowhere. When I saw Mara all closed on herself and quiet when Hen visited her that broke my heart😭 then at the end the emotional whiplash of Chris leaving, instantly followed by the Wilsons getting reunited with Mara, ouch (is it like 'a soul for a soul' but with family, like they CANNOT be happy at the same time??), also I know the plot was for Gerrard to come back, but I love Captain Wilson, and I wanted her to take after Bobby

- Chimney and Maddie: they're relatively absent from the final 2 eps so I don't have much to say, I loved Chimney calling Gerrard trash to his face, and I loved Maddie. I just love Maddie.

- Buck : such a good husband for his chaotic dating-the-doppelganger-of-his-deceased-ex husband... He was just so supportive and trying to help, gosh he's just so cute. But MORE IMPORTANTLY where's my angst?? You're telling me Bobby's in a coma, and all we got from Buck (who's basically his son) is one line of dialog AFTER we know Bobby's going to be alright? Sentence immediately followed by an awkward sex joke argh!! My favorite thing about 911 is Bobby and Buck's relationship and I don't know if it's just an impression but i feel like they barely had any interaction this season, I missed them, I need more of them!! Also all things considered Buck had quite a quiet and calm season, which does feel weird and not something that will stick

- Athena : she mentioned Emmett and I was just woop crying incoming! I'm not gonna dwell on the whole cartel thing, I'm sure people already express so many opinions on this, my real question is how many times can Athena break rules before getting a problem with the hierarchy? (ik she did in s1, but since then she's been pulling some sketchy moves from time to time with no problems afterwards). Also ik the house was going to burn but I hadn't thought of the implications, that they would loose all the memories and stuff and that's so sad, I totally get her panic about wanting to get everything that's on her phone to still have SOMETHING.

-Bobby : please bobby never leave the 118, maybe they could handle it but I couldn't, so please don't leave ever.

(-Tommy : whether you ship them or not, the last scene we got of them together (dinner at Buck's) should start an alarm in your brain about their future together, specially once you consider Gerrard's come back. Tommy literally says that Gerrard's the closest things he got to a father figure when he was in the 118, and that it didn't help him be a better person. (ik he's not saying he saw Gerrard the way Buck see Bobby but he still acknowledge that he saw him as a model of some sort), that's the online line 'acknowledging' Tommy's past actions, but also showing that he followed Gerrard's lead, and we know Buck is not going to appreciate Gerrard's way of leading and this definitely could be a big cause of conflict between Buck and Tommy...)

It feels weird to finally be up to date, and to know killer bees will attack LA in two days😭

I FORGOT RAVI!!

He was there for 3seconds but still, I was so happy seeing him, and ik so far it doesn't seem he'll be back in s8 for some time, so I'm devastated