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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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About the Jace hate, I do get your point and it’s valid, Jace is an ass and arrogant and Clary makes some really stupid decisions.

In the first books they were pretty stupid but I do feel there’s quite a lot of character development for the both of them. I’m talking about The Dark Artifices series and not The Mortal Instruments of course. They grow up and they become adults with an institute to run so they have a responsibility now.

Jace is less arrogant and he kinda settles down with Clary because to him there’s nobody else anymore besides Clary.

The Alec hate I do not get at all. I mean, I know he gets the stereotypical jealous part but again, in the later books he’s just a badass. The whole red scrolls of magic and lost book of the white is just Malec being BAMFS. And Alec becomes Consul which makes him so powerful and he uses the title to change the Clave for the Downworld and for all the Shadowhunters like him.

Book and show Malec are just * chefs kiss *

i mean, look, ur entitled to ur opinion and all, but i rlly dont think this is something ur gonna change my mind on, so id rather not get into that discussion tbh 🤷 like u wont change my mind (and thats fine, like ive said before, my opinion doesnt actually matter unless u choose to care about it and that's why i throw it around) and i probably wont change urs, so

with that being said im gonna reply to ur points anyway because i cant fucking help myself and well, it is my blog after all. i tried to not be aggressive but i do have pretty strong opinions on this topic so there's that

u dont have to read it cuz like i said i dont think we'll change each other's minds and i think we're just gonna end up upsetting each other tbh, so im putting it under the cut

idk about becoming less arrogant but to me what drives me crazy about both jace and clary is that they are selfish and self centered and i just cant stand that. and the fact that there's no one else for him but clary is pretty much an extension of that. to me their relationship is just them joining forces to become an unit and be self centered together lmao

and the fact that they're running an institute doesn't inherently change that at all. tbh even if it did, giving them an institute to run when they are only learning to be responsible for other ppl is exactly the kind of shit i hate and can't stand about the both of them and cc's writing. if they aren't responsible enough, they should never have gotten it, and the fact that they did and accepted is just more proof that they only care about themselves and are entitled and have everything handed to them on a silver platter

as for alec, he became consul because jace nominated him, so i dont see that as a point in his favor. and even in the later books he is constantly incompetent at basic things and that is used as the butt of a joke, like him being literally unable to speak in other languages because he gets too nervous and doesn't know which language is which or that whole bullshit "hero of the war coming through!" "oh it's not jace herondale, it's just some guy" or alec's own kid liking jace more than alec himself lmao. and there's more i don't remember but like... i dont think book!alec is a badass in any way shape or form, he is incompetent and keeps being carried on everyone else's shoulders and also has positions i dont think he deserves or ever did

also him using his position to help downworlders and everyone loving him for it is a white savior narrative so it's gross for entirely different reasons, and the fact that that's pretty much all he has going for him is proof that cc can only make a gay character relevant if its a result of his whiteness (or in that case shadowhunterness which is really just magical whiteness), which circles back to other anon's point about her rep being terrible

most importantly tho, even if book!alec were a badass i still would never like him or book!malec solely because of the way he treats magnus

im not even just talking about the whole "trying to take magnus' immortality away" bullshit (which in and of itself is a complete dealbreaker for book!malec for me. they could have the best relationship in the world other than that and i still would never ever ever be able to ship a couple in which one of the parts is so openly selfish and disregards the other part's consent and literal LIFE like this. idc how young alec was, he was old enough to know exactly what he was doing, and if he's too immature to respect his partner he shouldn't be in a relationship, full stop) but also... everything else. if i wanted to see a white gay man being biphobic and racist to his brown bi partner i would simply go check out the closest abusive relationship in my area. the constant jealousy slutshaming and overall immaturity is just gross and annoying and the fact that magnus puts up with that shit at all makes me sad for him, even if he's also a creep so i don't really care about him either

and like this is not a book vs show thing, it's not a competition and in most fandoms of adapted works ppl like both and merge both together. i would be perfectly capable of liking both, and tbh the only reason i even tried picking up the books at all was because i liked the show and wanted more content. i don't hate the books because i like the show, i hate the books because.... of the books igrsssfhh

#salt #anti cc #anti tsc #anti tmi #anti book alec #anti book magnus #anti book malec #anti jace herondale #anti clary fray #anti clace #ask #anonymous #discourse #negativity

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comicteaparty · 4 years

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July 4th-July 10th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from July 4th, 2020 to July 10th, 2020. The chat focused on the following question:

What was an unexpected aspect of making webcomics you didn’t realize before making one yourself?

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

How much our comic and it's story we're going to change during the years of creation was the biggest and most jarring aspect for sure. There's scripts and thumbs that were all made before we ventured out to make GJS with paths completely different from what we initially thought we would take that have completely changed how we approach not only writing but reading webcomics too. Webcomics as a medium have the biggest connection to time, whether it be production or the consumption, they have this opportunity to exist and transform in the long hours it takes to enjoy and read them. It's honestly one of the biggest advantages imho. To see a story slowly unfold, listening to ur audience reactions, peer critiques, or new inspiration can make such a drastic and intense impact on a long form work- its both jaw dropping and humbling to be apart of!(edited)

Deo101 [Millennium]

For me it was the community aspect of comics. I knew a community existed on the reader side of things (comments!), but I didn't expect the creator side to be how it is! I don't know why, but for some reason I kind of always thought that all of us were sort of throwing our comics out from the void... I guess that was me looking at comics from a reader's point of view! But as soon as I started making comics, I started meeting people who made them too... and it's been incredible!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

@deo I never really understood what an internet community or internet friends were until I started making a webcomic

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah, I had been in (and quickly decided to not be in 0_0) gaming communities, but nothing really as wonderful as what I've found through comics. Closest I had gotten other than that was comments on social media

Shizamura 🌟 O Sarilho

Community definitely one of the big things, much like Deo pointed. I was kinda expecting to have get connections through readers, but it's much more with other creators, which is super satisfying in it's own way. Also gonna second Krispy's comment about how time affects how you see your story's past and future. A lot of things changed in the past four years that made my comic change as well and having so much time to think each individual scene allows them to be much more complex and interesting than they would when I first thought them through. Having the time really helps. This also kinda touches the topic of personal change too, which affects how I write and what feels most important to focus on and that's interesting to think about as well

eliushi [Keyspace]

How long things will take, the longer the story goes on! I started out being able to complete a page in 2h but then I found more I wanted to try on each page (colours, layout, composition etc) and even wanted to extend certain scenes. With 500 pages planned, I definitely thought I’d be farther along by now, heading into AWT’s first year anniversary in a month. That being said, I’m also enjoying the ride and it’s all thanks to the great community here and making connections with other comics folks/readers. I never expected to get comments and so each one has been a treasure to read.

Desnik

An unexpected aspect of making webcomics is how much people respond to them. I figured I'd be creating into a void but I met so many people as a result of publishing my dinosaur comic

shadowhood {SunnyxRain}

Ditto on the webcomic community. I didn't realize how far reaching it was to have a community that supports each other. And I've enjoyed meeting so many wonderful and creative people who raised each other up. Another thing I didn't expect, however, was how invested I got into my comic.(edited)

At first I was doing it mostly for fun. But the more I delved into it, the easier it was to get sucked into my story and want to draw it out. And as a result taking it a lot more seriously.

Desnik

yeah sometimes I miss my dinosaur comic even though I had some pretty good reasons for moving on. It was created out of desperation and evolved into something that made me feel good about myself

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

How much work and time it takes to keep a weekly update going with no backlog

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah same

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

For me, I didn't realize how much it would affect my life to make comics, and vice versa. In a weird way, I didn't know how interrelated the two were, or how easily life could interfere with my comic, or the inverse.

eliushi [Keyspace]

Making comics became a lifestyle for me

@Haruh2 (Colony Life) When I had no backlog I was updating every two weeks with 7 pages per update; so about 14h of work. But this is with a finished script. I am also told I work fast.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

omg

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

That's soooo much, Eli!

That's at least twice as much as I do (edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I hadn't realized how much I put myself into my comic! My friends who read it have all said that it's incredibly in my voice and reflects my opinions and worldviews Before I shared it with people I hadn't thought of it in that way at all

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

As an artist, I didn't expect how my comic production and mindset will change. Once I started comics, it brought out my ideas from thoughts to a physical form. I start to invest more time into it. Each project evolved through each chapter. How to balance script writing to a polished piece. I put alot of time and research in my works. It makes me glad to hear other creators do the same. I'm not the crazy artist who's wasting her time. One of the positive change was meeting other creators, how we give advice and receive praise.(edited)

eliushi [Keyspace]

The support has been amazing. It makes the work less lonely

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Fish, oh for sure! I didn't realize until recently how much my characters are all just facets of myself!

eliushi [Keyspace]

(I don’t work that quickly anymore and I’m making big changes to the format soon so it’s going to be a Transition)

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I've been in school with art students who never made comics, so when I came to CTP discord, reading comic discussions. It was comforting and fun. I enjoy the cooperation our group has, helping each other.

eliushi [Keyspace]

I like to commiserate about the unique challenges comics have

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Hahaha, yeahhhhh

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I agree, it's different from illustrations. Different approach(edited)

eliushi [Keyspace]

I am perpetually balancing time spent on a panel vs how much time the reader will spend on it

Vs illustration: lemme make all the details

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Oh I agree, each panel takes longer than it takes to read it. Hence I dislike when readers call manga creators 'lazy'

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

how much time does it take to read one of my pages?

20 seconds?(edited)

haha

e.e

wait is that emoji supposed to be someone rolling their eyes??

i jsut looked it up

i might've been using it wrong this whole time

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Pacing

It's way different than in novels, and definitely came as a shock at the start

eliushi [Keyspace]

Yeah have to play to the strength of the medium. Still imagining AWT as an animated movie written from a novel, in the format of a comic

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Haha, same kinda

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

@eliushi [Keyspace] ah haha, that makes me feel better about my update habits, but thats a good goal for me to shoot for now that im learning a new way to make long comics specifically

cAPSLOCK (Tailslide)

I completely underestimated the amount of effort that would have to go into formatting, website design and maintenance, etc. If I got to do it again, a little more research beforehand probably would’ve saved me a lot of time and hassle.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

I really overestimated the "if you build it they will come" aspect of webcomics lol. Like, you actually have to work to advertise your comic in order for people to read it. Nobody ever got hundreds of readers just from posting their comic onto some hosting site without doing major marketing work.(edited)

dako

yeah, I feel that

I've never really been an advertising type before my comic, im learning to just get used to it

Deo101 [Millennium]

I've not really done much advertising tbh, it makes me uncomfortable

dako

it feels kinda...embarrassing? might be too harsh of a word

i dunno

Deo101 [Millennium]

its just uncomfortable idk! i feel awkward doing it

dako

yeah, same ive done it a few times on reddit but i have to force myself

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

it does feel, odd..hell most of the time it just feels like i open the door to my house and toss a bunch of paper to the wind hoping someone can see it

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah, I dont know if ive done anything other than posting updates on twitter and talking about it in groups like this

and twitter is mostly just me talkin to people who already read it...

idk talking about my work without being asked first makes me feel like im inserting myself where im not allowed

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Self promo got MUCH less intimidating for me when I started thinking of it like: "okay, so my comic is made for readers like me, people who share my tastes. That means I only need to answer one question: what can I say to get me to check out this comic? I don't need to impress anyone else. I just need to appeal to me." (since "me" is my target audience)

Deo101 [Millennium]

mhm ^^

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

But take it with a grain of salt because I'm still not really promoing

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

exactly, thats why i find it hard to tweet about it most of the time, but i get the whole if i dont care about to talk without being asked no one else will either

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah lmao mood im like what would get me to read... hmmm... probably exactly what im doing.... I'll keep it up then :)

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

yea i get excited to draw out certain parts..but wouldnt want to just tweet about all the little tidbits of the story ruining it for others

Deo101 [Millennium]

sweats

dako

i made a whole side twitter for my comic cuz talking about it on my main intimidated me too much

it is my containment chamber

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

hm may do that, just to say i did it and to get my mind away from the thought

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

yeah same

Deo101 [Millennium]

My main is just whatever I want it to be idk. Its kinda for all my comics, since my comics are all I want to talk about

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

though my main is mostly just retweeting from my side twitter lol

Deo101 [Millennium]

it removes a lot of the pressure of like what if my followers dont wanna see this??

cause they wouldnt be here if they didnt wanna see it

cause its all Ive been doing the whole time

dako

thats a good point

i had my main way before my comic so most of my mutuals/followers dont follow for that

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

yea, it can feel abit disorienting when there is no interaction one way or another on anything you tweet (also if twitter has messed up and causes your tweets to not show up)

Deo101 [Millennium]

but yeah I dont really advertise cause it just makes me so uncomfortable >.<

dako

understandable

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I'm kind of somewhere in between. I advertise my comic mostly because it is all I wanna talk about, like Deo. But I also don't think it's gotten me many readers. Most of my readers came as far as I can tell because I was making something that appealed to them. (The whole "if you build it, they will come" thing.) Although, I really don't have a big audience, I do have an audience, and I am certain most of them came from me just posting.

I think it's determined a lot by luck, and also, how big your niche's audience is to begin with (and some skill tbh).

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah like I think "gay sci fi" is a p big niche so ive got a big amount of people I could potentially reach

which makes it much easier to draw people in

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I'm particularly lucky, I guess, that fantasy/romance has a lot of readers (also more competition, but...)

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah fantasy romance is a damn big one

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

eh i think im in an awkward void with my action/drama story (since im not doing romance drama)

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I just go with the mindset: "what makes my fantasy/romance different from the rest" and go from there.

Deo101 [Millennium]

mhm

tbh I dont think my sci fi romance is doing anything special?

but im having fun so :) I dont rlly care about that hahahha

dako

having fun the most important thing

Deo101 [Millennium]

its not my goal to make somthing mindblowing ^^ truley im just here for a good time

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I mean, LGBT+-inclusive sci-fi is pretty unique

I haven't seen a lot

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

It's clear that your characters are people, and that's special, regardless of how common/uncommon

dako

think if i didnt love my comic as much as i do id have stopped a long time ago

Deo101 [Millennium]

thats true keiiii, thank you <3

also yeah its Sad that theres not more LGBT+ sci fi cause its like youve got aliennnssssssssssssssssssss you can do whatever you waaaaaant

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I knooowww

Deo101 [Millennium]

guess it shows what ppl want or something

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

yup

Deo101 [Millennium]

off topic

so to make it back on topic

I underestimated how much people would like gay sci fi GJKLAGJLAJLKAGJSLAKGJKL

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

One thing I learned specifically with my current comic... I did not realize how much difference the reader's cultural background would make in terms of interpreting my story.

Deo101 [Millennium]

!!!!!

I actually almost mentioned you in class once tbh keiii

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Big oversight, in retrospect

Deo101 [Millennium]

saying "someone I know makes a comic which they noticed, it's interpreted completely differently just depending on cultural backgrounds" kind of a thing

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

like I would not have made the comic any different, but I would have approached the... presentation differently. Like, talk about it differently

Deo101 [Millennium]

cause we were talking about how narratives affect rt

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I guess another thing that was unexpected about making webcomics was... there are way more people with my exact tastes than I thought

Deo101 [Millennium]

and I was saying that I think the viewer's narrative affects art more than the artists narrative

I mean, the artists narrative obviously is what makes it so.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

In the eyes of the beholder

Deo101 [Millennium]

but interpretations and all that... yeah!!!

so. actually I might have offhandedly mentioned you I cant remember if I did or not

lemme check

I did! very like "second hand" offhandedly mentioning though ahaha

hope that doesnt make you uncomfortable GSKLGSJALGJLGK no one replied to me so e.e

in the class I mean

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I am super uncomfortable and offended !!!!!

j/k

Deo101 [Millennium]

hgjkghsjkagskajgdhsakgjhgjd

but... yeah idk starting out I truly just was making it cause I really love my characters a lot, the idea that other people would like them too is very unexpected :) in a good way

I also definitely didnt expect how important enviornments were e.e

didnt plan those well enough.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

that relatable feel

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I really desperately advertise my comic everywhere. I don't really know how to do marketing effectively though & I don't know if its working

eliushi [Keyspace]

I find what increased readership most consistently is still the feature aspect from the hosting sites. It’s really about finding the right readers/right readers finding you

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Same, I'm basically a rounding error away from being 100% reliant on the features for subs

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I don't think my comic has ever been featured on the hosting sites. My numbers have always been low on Tapas and maybe thast why

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Yeah, features help a lot

I've been featured on Webtoon, but not Tapas, and you can really see the difference in readership there

Deo101 [Millennium]

Ive been featured on both, uhh in a couple of diff places, if you wanted a breakdown of how many readers i got from the diff spots and stuff ever just lmk im happy to share

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I've been featured on both. It certainly got people to check it out and even sub, but retaining those people (even if they've subbed!!!) is a different story. I think my story is just not the right type for the platforms, but eh, even if 99% of the platform users aren't into the kinda thing I'm making, 1% increase is still an increase.

Which is another thing I learned over the course of running this comic, specifically (since the internet has changed so much after my first two attempts). Just because the majority of your subs don't actually read the comic, doesn't mean your work sucks. Today's internet caters to casual users, and there's a bajillion factors affecting who's actually reading your stuff.

dako

i agree

my comic has never been featured on either, and webtoons doesnt have a guideline on what they pick but tapas does and my comic doesnt really meet their featuring requirements so i dont think either site ever will feature mine haha

so i gotta advertise on reddit and use twitter tags a lot

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Don't go too crazy with twitter tags; they can make people zone out and not look at your tweet.

dako

i try to use 5 at the most, i know too many is unpleasant to look at haha

Jib {WIP haha}

Oh huh, my rule of thumb is to use 1-2 on twitter and as many as I can on Insta but I’m no expert lol

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, IG seems to be where you want all the tags XD

varethane

Webtoon's algorithms are like turning a hose on and off lol

The difference between views and sub growth during periods of being featured vs not is stark(edited)

carcarchu

i've never been featured by webtoons but i've seen series grow from 100 followers to 10k overnight

not an exaggeration

varethane

I put my new comic on webtoon in november 2019, and in 1 month I crawled up to.... maybe 50 subs?(granted I only put up one episode and then paused for a bit)

Then in December I started updating it weekly and got placed in the new and hot section of the app

And bam, 6k subs

It last 2 weeks and then the section updated and all growth stopped, and subs went down by 10 or so over the next week

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

(Omg featured is like the new Daily Deviation goals from DA way back in the day!)

varethane

Until it got another feature on a different part of the website and went up another 2k. It was like playing with the handle on a faucet lol

dako

I got some pretty good growth during canvas week, but beyond that not really

I get 1-2 subs after an update if I'm lucky

varethane

I feel like their algorithms are very reliant on the regular rotation of features that staff have to do manuallt

Outside of that, discoverability is quite weak

Mostly because of the volume of comics on there

boogeymadam

same boat as vare. the only thing i know about webtoons features is they have stated a couple times one of their recquirements is consistant updating, so if u skip a week that disqualifies u for a lil while i imagine

varethane

I wonder what they count as consistent. I was doing every 2 weeks for awhile, but this month I'm gonna try weekly to see if it helps me earn more $$ from ads :U

dako

I wish there was more incentive for readers to check out the new section on webtoons and tapas

carcarchu

i have found some amazing gems in the new section

i swear i've seen stuff in featured that were not at all updated consistently

dako

I have too, there's a ton of good comics that get overlooked because they're not in the front page

some featured comics havent updated in months sometimes

varethane

I definitely would not have considered myself consistent at the time of the first feature, considering there was a gap of a month between episode 1 and 2 lpl

carcarchu

the consistently updating thing is more of a recommendation than a requirement i feel?(edited)

boogeymadam

ooohh good to know!!

varethane

I'm sure it cant be a hard rule, especially for comics that have just launched

boogeymadam

im just going off their canvas qna's from last year

dako

if it's actually a hard rule for staff to feature comics that regularly update they break that rule a lot

i also heard a bot picks up comics too

carcarchu

well i at least think the staff or bots or whatever at webtoons are doing a better job with features than tapas is

tapas is always pushing their premium comics way more than their indie stuff

boogeymadam

tapas needs to bring new comics onto the frontpage more often than it does, yeah

dako

yeah I agree

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I mean, I get why they put premium on the front page. But I feel more variety would help them because it's more interesting for the readers?

dako

I can't tell whats premium or not with tapas sometimes

boogeymadam

i do like that they've been asking stuff like this in the forums tho

carcarchu

more distinction would be helpful to me too dako

i don't think its as clear as it could be

dako

yeah, webtoons at least it's clear what is and what isnt featured or canvas

Jib {WIP haha}

Huh, anyone remember that really popular writing podcast? I forgot the name

Or have any recommendations I guess

Moral_Gutpunch

Terrible writing advice? It's sarcastic

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

is this related to the topic?

Moral_Gutpunch

It's a podcast about writing, so I'm going to say yes.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I think snuffysam meant the weekly topic for the channel

Moral_Gutpunch

Just for this channel, no. I'm too new to know that.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Please check #rules

Moral_Gutpunch

Sound more like someone forgot context than the rules

That's why I'm hardly here. I don't know stuff people who've been here for a long time know like podcasts or older comics(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Basically each of the channels under "CTP Activities" on this server has its own topic of the week.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

It's not a matter of being here for a long time or not. This channel is used solely for discussing the weekly topics, and such information can be found in #rules

Moral_Gutpunch

Kudos then. I came for creator babble only.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

For general webcomic creation-related advice (either seeking or giving) and such, #shop_talk usually is the place!

creator_babble is for answering the topic of the week

It's not actually for generalized "creator babble" despite the name.

dako

looks like they left

Jib {WIP haha}

Oh my bad, it’s been a while since I read the rules, I brought up the new subject

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Happens!

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

No problem, we were just reminding you all :)

Jib {WIP haha}

Ty for that then haha

dako

I think one unexpected thing for me is that no one tells you how crazy the highs and lows can be

well I guess people do but you really don't know until the highs and lows happen to you if that makes sense

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Oh God, that's so true

Burnout is way more dreadful than I could ever guess prior to experiencing it

Feather J. Fern

One unexpected thing for me was how many people I would meet because of my comic. It surprised me greatly that I found so many cool people through the comic community and made the friends I have made now. Love you all

rajmews

The unexpected thing for me was just how much you have to just...predict...what the market will want to read. Like even if you research a whole lot, and you draw really well, and have been doing art professionally, you can still strike out. It's a humbling experience, but being able to just let go of poorly received pages and move on and try things differently is a lot of the battle for doing a webcomic. It teaches you how to fail gracefully because...it's all a process of learning your readers better. Even if they're few at first.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

My major unexpected thing was how much my initial ideas change as I work through a page. Everything from the expressions, dialogue, and layout can change as I look at it and 'solve' it more closely than I did in thumbnails. There are pages I look back on and realize they are ENTIRELY different than what I had first sketched. And they're better for it. Allowing myself the freedom to edit during the artwork... it's created some majorly awesome opportunities.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yes!!!!! Me too!!!

It's exciting thoufh

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Absolutely same

Could plan something out meticulously but then change it in the last 2 secs before uploading

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yup... I don't thumbnail much ahead of where I'm at cause of this(edited)

I thumbnail a scene at a time, and then usually I end up changing stuff halfway through ahahfjjdkskdkss

varethane

Same hat, haha. I often make changes at every stage-- even the thumbnails will often depart from the script. If anything, I wish I made even more changes-- I feel like my page layouts tend to be pretty standard, I do a lot of pages with the 3 rows of 2 panels each, and I want to break out of that more. But... well, that's a work in progress.

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #comic tea party #ctp #creator interview #comic creator interview #creator babble

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dyaz-stories · 6 years

Text

“you’re the only delivery person who gets to my house in any semblance of the word fast which is why i keep requesting you but you don’t believe me and tease me constantly about it” AU

AU by @dailyau and @demineil. Enjoy!

Modern AU, Inukag and Mirsan, crack-ish I guess. Just a short little something because I liked this idea ^-^

Word count: 1,636

Kagome practically jumped when she heard her stomach grumbling. In a daze, she looked at her computer screen, glancing at the time for the first time that day.

10 p.m.

Shit. When was the last time I ate? I don’t remember eating at noon… Did I even eat this morning? Oh, mom is going to kill me if I lose any more weight!

But more importantly (though ‘murder by Mama Higurashi’ was pretty bad) she was so hungry it hurt. Food. Now. She needed to it. She got to her feet and walked in her kitchen, only to find it painfully empty. Riiiight, she hadn’t gone out all week because she was working on that never-ending thesis. She cursed inwardly. Looked like she had to order some food, again, but quickly because otherwise she was going to faint.

She grabbed her phone. She knew just where to call, but…

She hesitated briefly before shaking her head and dialing the number of the closest pizza place.

“Hello, Shikon Pizza here, what can I do for you?” the elderly voice of Kaede greeted her.

Kagome smiled in relief. She liked it better when it was Kaede — the other woman who picked up the phone, Kikyo, was terribly intimidating.

“Hi, it’s Kagome Higurashi, I was hoping I could…”

“Of course, Kagome,” Kaede interrupted her fondly. “I’ll take care of everything. I suppose you want me to send Inuyasha?”

Kagome closed her eyes. She could already feel herself blushing. But the truth was, at least Inuyasha was fast as hell. Kaede was terribly slow (but why did a woman that age insist on riding a bike anyway?) and Kikyo wasn’t particularly fast either, while Inuyasha had the advantage of his demonic speed.

“Yes please,” she mumbled.

“Then consider it done!”

Kagome sighed as the old woman hung up. She glanced at her clothes and frowned, stepping into her room to get dressed. Not that there was much of a point at this time of day, but at least that would be one less thing Inuyasha would comment on.

The first time, he had been unbelievably rude to her, and she had promised herself she would never, under any circumstances, have him again. She had even taken the time to write herself a note to ask for someone else.

Unfortunately, situations like this night were becoming more and more common as her deadline got closer, and the time right after, she had actually asked Kaede if she could send him. He had gotten there incredibly quickly, and well, she was fucking hungry.

He had been even more rude that time, with a hint of confusion behind it though, and Kagome had sworn, again, that he wouldn’t be back.

But, again, her stomach had won that battle.

The third time, he had been much more intrigued and almost defensive. That had been easier — she had been able to get rid of him fast and to eat.

Afterwards, though, it hadn’t been that easy. He had started doing that thing where he towered over her a little more, and he grinned (which tended to let his fangs appear and for some reason she loved that), and his voice got deeper and somewhat sultry and then how was she supposed to focus on her thesis when her senses were filled with him and and and ugh.

Yes, she thought he was handsome. His golden eyes, particularly, filled her dreams, but his white hair, cut short, and his lovely dog ears didn’t leave her indifferent either. Maybe, some other time, she would even have asked him out.

But she had work to do. She really, really couldn’t get into anything right now, much less in a relationship with a moody, though terribly attractive, man. She was sighing heavily when she heard the doorbell.

She glanced at her clock in disbelief — how does he do that? — then walked, maybe a little too fast, to open it.

Sure enough, there he was, with a smug smile, and looking at her like he was going to devour her whole.

Honestly, she’d let him.

If she didn’t have a thesis to finish.

“Hungry?” he practically purred, holding out the pizza.

Oh, if only he knew.

She reached out, only to have him put it out of her reach. She rolled her eyes.

“Starving, actually,” she replied, annoyed. “I haven’t eaten all day. Could you…?”

“Sure thing,” he answered, waiting for her to get her money.

“You’re the fastest delivery man around,” she mumbled, feeling her cheeks burning any way. She wasn’t too sure why she always got the need to justify herself. Maybe she didn’t want him to think she was desperate girl, doing everything she could to get a chance to hit on him. Maybe she was trying to convince herself, because she genuinely enjoyed seeing him.

“Yeah, you say that every time,” Inuyasha answered, his voice dryer than it usually was.

She looked up at him and noticed his frown, but more importantly, the way his ears drooped a little.

Oh, no. She didn’t want that. It hurt her more than she had expected and she hated it and…

“I have a thesis to finish,” she blurted out.

“Oh?” Inuyasha asked, cocking an eyebrow. His ears perked up just a little, and even though Kagome was terribly embarrassed at this point, she swallowed and kept going.

“The deadline’s really close and that’s all I’ve been doing.”

“Oh.”

“So I really don’t have time for anything right now.”

This time, Inuyasha gave her a toothy grin, and for a second, she wondered about how his fangs would feel against her skin if— Your thesis, Kagome.

“But after that…”

“Yeah?” Inuyasha leaned in. Being taller than her, he was easily towering over her, and the closer he got, the harder it got to think and be coherent.

“After that, I’ll be free.”

“Huh,” he said. “But that’ll take you a while.”

She breathed in deeply as he got closer, one of his clawed hands toying with her hair.

“I mean, it’d be nice if I got, I dunno… A reason to wait.”

Kagome blinked. Despite herself, images of her giving Inuyasha an embroidered handkerchief passed in her mind. Ugh, this thesis was killing her. She never wanted to hear about Feudal Era, whether it was in Japan or in Europe, ever again.

She bit her lip, eliciting an almost immediate growl of Inuyasha. “What do you have in mind?”

He took that as a permission. He crashed his mouth on hers, and he smiled when he heard her sigh desperately. She got on her tiptoes to try to get as close to him as possible, their bodies reacting almost desperately to the other’s embrace.

Way too soon, Inuyasha stepped back, leaving her with weak knees.

“If you need some distraction ’til you finish your thing, you’ll know where to find me,” he said, his words teasing but his voice letting on more of his emotions.

Kagome nodded wordlessly.

“But then I’ll want you all for myself.”

Oh. Oh God.

She wanted to finish that stupid thing more than ever.

“It’s so nice to meet you Kagome!” Inuyasha’s best friend, Miroku, hold out his hand while his girlfriend, Sango, gave her a bright smile. “We’ve been so curious about you!”

“Miroku’s a real gossip,” Inuyasha told her with a frown.

He looked all grumpy, but Kagome knew he’d been dying to introduce her to his friends, and at the same time, terribly stressed to do so. She had come to see that that was very like him. He would always act annoyed when he was afraid something would go wrong, at the risk of making it go wrong that way.

“How did you two meet?” Sango asked. “Inuyasha wouldn’t tell us!”

“I had a very good reason,” he growled.

“Oh, well you see, Inuyasha was the delivery guy and I always requested him because he was the fastest one…”

“Sure you did,” Inuyasha said, grinning, but Sango couldn’t help but notice how fond his smile was.

“I did,” Kagome sighed. “I swear. Anyway, after a while…”

“The seventh time she requested me, actually,” Inuyasha corrected her.

“You counted?”

At that he only responded with a ‘Keh!’ and looked away, with maybe the smallest of blush on his cheeks, and it was only Sango’s foot furiously crashing Miroku’s that stopped him from commenting ‘Oh how adorable!’

“The seventh time I requested him,” Kagome continued, smiling widely and discreetly reaching for her boyfriend’s hand to give it a squeeze, “I told him that I actually had a thesis to finish so I couldn’t do anything right now, much less see someone. And then he said he’d wait.”

She giggled, keeping for herself the heated kiss they had shared afterwards. Sango bit back an ‘Awwww’, knowing it would only embarrass Inuyasha further. That being said, she had no idea why he hadn’t been willing to tell them. What was the problem with that story?

“Wait, so he was your deliveryman?” Miroku asked.

Sango and Inuyasha’s eyes met. Holy shit, no, she had to stop him…

“Yes, he was,” Kagome answered.

“So it’s just like a porn flick!”

He knew Sango was going to kill him for that, but the look on her— Oh, Inuyasha was not happy with him and Sango did look like she was going to murder him.

Well, he’d better start running then.

Kagome shook her head as his girlfriend caught him and Inuyasha and her both started growling and shouting at him.

“I mean he’s not wrong though,” she mumbled to herself.

Especially for the sex.

Inuyasha’s ear flicked and Kagome couldn’t help but smirk when she noticed his eyes widening.

She understood why he had teased her so much in the beginning. It was so much fun.

#inuyasha #kagome #inukag #Inuyasha fanfiction #inuyasha au #mirsan #my writing

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1112lw · 5 years

Note

Every question!!

SDFFSDFG DAM OK SIS

LONG POST AHEAD IF U LITERALLY WANNA KNOW ME PERSONALLY JUST READ THIS LMFAO

1: Name: Arche/Jupiter, my close friends know my real name so!

2: Age: High school has just been done so try to guess

3: Fears: Heights, oral presentations, the dark

4: 3 things I love: Drawing, men- concept art n stuff like that

5: 4 turns on: Oh here we go- uhh thighs, messy hair? when they give u The Look or when they. say things i will not talk about here HHGBDF n uhhh Arms 👀👀

6: 4 turns off: weird macho attitude, overly confident bullshit, being selfish and fuckboys in general

7: My best friend: not sure what this means but my bff is named Daphnée n i love her and ive known her my whole life so

8: Sexual orientation: homosexuale

9: My best first date: :))))))) as if

10: How tall am I: sigh. I’m 5″4

11: What do I miss: sometimes i miss the feeling loved ig

12: What time were I born: 12:19

13: Favourite color: pink!

14: Do I have a crush

15: Favourite quote: My senior quote!! “if what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, I’m telling you I’m immortal”

16: Favourite place: well? my room ig? I like my yard too

17: Favourite food: ugh ramen,,,korean dishes are TASTE as fuck but i also like classic ass spaghetti so like lol

18: Do I use sarcasm: does it look like i dont

19: What am I listening to right now: dr.phil LMFAO

20: First thing I notice in new person: Hair and eyes!! also how they laugh

21: Shoe size: Like. a 7-8 in women’s 6 in men’s

22: Eye color: Hazel/Golden yes bitch let me be special

23: Hair color: it’s either dark brown or golden brown idk

24: Favourite style of clothing: bruv its either kpoppie fuckboy or uwu skirts pastels

25: Ever done a prank call?: no i have anxiety

26: Meaning behind my URL:

27: Favourite movie: rise of the guardians and HTTYD

28: Favourite song: Comeback Home (BTS cover)

29: Favourite band: looks in the camera i dont know nan molla huh

30: How I feel right now: I’m fine im hungry

31: Someone I love: shoutout to my babeys in my server ily

32: My current relationship status: Single(tm)

33: My relationship with my parents: theyre fine ig just a bit tired

34: Favourite holiday:

35: Tattoos and piercing I have: Ear piercings? that’s it

36: Tattoos and piercings I want:

37: The reason I joined Tumblr:

38: Do I and my last ex hate each other? I sure hope not?

39: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? A bit ig?

40: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? Literally no

41: When did I last hold hands? Like last Friday

42: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? 20 minutes

43: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? no i havent shaved in like months

44: Where am I right now? in my room, in quebec, canada

45: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? bitch i sure hope my friends would

46: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? fuck my ears

47: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? yeah

48: Am I excited for anything? yeah? yeah

49: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? ig? always

50: How often do I wear a fake smile? just at work tbh

51: When was the last time I hugged someone? not long ago i cant tell but my friends r cuddle monsters so

52: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? i havent kissed anyone so

53: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? lemme think uhhh no not rlly im not dumb

54: What is something I disliked about today? i woke up n i thought i had school lol

55: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? oh john cock i want to be ur best friend

56: What do I think about most? i daydream 24/7

57: What’s my strangest talent? uhhh i can put my thumb behind my hand?

58: Do I have any strange phobias? trypophobia, if thats “weird”

59: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? depends on what the video is, mostly behind

60: What was the last lie I told? idk answering to my deadname

61: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? online

62: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? I slightly believe in ghosts? also aliens GOTTA exist so

63: Do I believe in magic? i think!

64: Do I believe in luck? yeah

65: What’s the weather like right now? very pretty i filmed a video outside!!

66: What was the last book I’ve read? L’Étranger d’Albert Camus in french class

67: Do I like the smell of gasoline? yes my dad’s a mechanic

68: Do I have any nicknames? a lot a lot

69: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? bitch @ my birth #neverforget

70: Do I spend money or save it? i have 40$ in my name right now

71: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? no

72: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? yes highlighter

73: Favourite animal? cats or otters

74: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? FBISDFD NO WE DONT TALK ABOUT IT

75: What do I think is Satan’s last name idk he can have any last name he wants!!!

76: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? everytime i start hearing “waiting for you anpanman” or “i just wanna go home” 👀👀

77: How can you win my heart? aaahh. be a twink. b fashionable. b funny. cheesy. pls romance me like a npc in the sims 2

78: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? s(he) died smh

79: What is my favorite word? cunt is SUCH a satisfying word

80: My top 5 blogs on tumblr? oh great uh honestly cant be fucked

81: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? please have brain. PLEASE

82: Do I have any relatives in jail? i sure hope the fuck not?

83: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? either invisibility or mind reading

84: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? ahaaa “what are your intrusive thoughts”

85: What is my current desktop picture? my lesbian sims getting married LMFAO

86: Had sex? no

87: Bought condoms? no

88: Gotten pregnant? NO

89: Failed a class? i think yeah maths last year

90: Kissed a boy? :(((

91: Kissed a girl? no

92: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? no

93: Had job? I have a job rn so

94: Left the house without my wallet? yeah when i go to school

95: Bullied someone on the internet? define bullying?

96: Had sex in public? virgin squad

97: Played on a sports team? yeah

98: Smoked weed? no ew

99: Did drugs? no ew

100: Smoked cigarettes? NO EW

101: Drank alcohol? yep

102: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? no i’d die

103: Been overweight? i’m twig

104: Been underweight? i think i was underweight when i was young? i was very Small

105: Been to a wedding? yes very long boring

106: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? bruh. everyday

107: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? probably?

108: Been outside my home country? ONCE

109: Gotten my heart broken? TWICE !

110: Been to a professional sports game? yesss canadians game!!

111: Broken a bone? no

112: Cut myself? not technically

113: Been to prom? SOON SOON SOON SOSOSNSBFSHDD

114: Been in airplane? once

115: Fly by helicopter? i am not rich bitch

116: What concerts have I been to? noneeee- WAIT NO MARIE MAI

117: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? not sex but for the purpose of pretending i have a penis yes plenty

118: Learned another language? yeah!! i learned english, i almost learned spanish and i’m trynna learn korean now

119: Wore make up? i try!! but i’m not super good

120: Lost my virginity before I was 18? not 18 yet but it’s goin that way

121: Had oral sex? as if

122: Dyed my hair? i wishhh

123: Voted in a presidential election? I WISH THE ELECTIONS R ONE MONTH B4 MY BIRTHDAY

124: Rode in an ambulance? nope

125: Had a surgery? yes at a week old

126: Met someone famous? i think yes but i was super small

127: Stalked someone on a social network? define stalked?

128: Peed outside? yes

129: Been fishing? YES

130: Helped with charity? i think? we do volunteering so

131: Been rejected by a crush? not directly

132: Broken a mirror? no

133: What do I want for birthday? boyf......boy..boyff

134: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? oh man uhh maybe 2-3, i dont know their names yet honestly

135: Was I named after anyone? MY DAD NAMED ME AFTER A FUCKIN CLIENT HE MET. as for my actual name now I named myself after my fav video game character. lit

136: Do I like my handwriting? yeah!!

137: What was my favourite toy as a child? bitch hot wheels

138: Favourite Tv Show? hells kitchen,,,,judge judy,,,anythin like that

139: Where do I want to live when older? honestly i wish i could just live in japan or tokyo, or new york? but i will most likely end up in montreal

140: Play any musical instrument? i used to play the clarinet last year!!

141: One of my scars, how did I get it? the one on my knee, i scratched my desk with my knee

142: Favourite pizza toping? my dad makes AMAZING sea food pizzas,,,

143: Am I afraid of the dark? a lot

144: Am I afraid of heights? A LOT

145: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? idk prolly? im a bit of a goody two shoes or however u spell it

146: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end: dont we all

147: What I’m really bad at: organizing my anxiety n shit i get overwhelmed

148: What my greatest achievments are: finishing high school

149: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: honestly has to be that time someone dug up my vent post about being dysphoric to try to say i hated myself with some dumbass DySphorIa Is SelF HaTRed argument

150: What I’d do if I won in a lottery: pay my parents’ debt off, buy 284223$ of BT21 merch, pay my whole college/uni and transition

151: What do I like about myself: idk i like how i literally do not give a fuck anymore and ive learned to love myself instead of trynna care

152: My closest Tumblr friend: @peptobismol-official @ace-landofthesun @dorkalisious and ana but idk her @ anymore :((( ana pls

153: Something I fantasise about: we dont talk about that

154: Any thoughts on the paranormal?: lit. please stop crawling in my ceiling !

ok now that u know my whole biography. go doxx me ig. bye bye

#Arche.txt #asks #ask #long post

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nightmaretyrantvantas · 6 years

Text

So I have a rant and a half build up of rambling about my very first Percy Jackson Oc Elysia and I need to let it spill so all of you get to hear this info dump about her and my feels

Im putting a trigger warning here I made her when I first read the whole series a few years back. Her backstory isnt the happiest. So im going to put trigger warnings for mentions of (but not going into detail of) abuse, self harm, suicidal thoughts, so if you cant handle mentions of that please dont read this I dont want to upset you

Anyways I have years of work into this bab of mine and I need to get it all out

Also An important thing to note is the timeline of her(and my other ocs) stories. Basically it kinda takes place...as if Trials of Apollo didnt happen?? Sorta? I made her before it ever came out and set her story after Blood of Olympus before trials of apollo was announced so its basically diverges after Blood of Olympus...if that makes sense...I hope it does.

So basically....At the start of her story Elysia is 13 Nico is 16(from what I remember its been about two years since I read the books so please forgive me)

Ok this might jump around alot because im kinda word vomiting and info dumping about her so if something doesnt make sense please feel free to ask me to clarify I love to

OK SO MY BAB

So her full name is Elysia Angela Melina and shes a Daughter of Hades. At the start when she gets to camp shes 13.

Im going to attatch two pictures ive drawn of her to the post here

This is her with a referrence sheet of her at 13-14 and the digital picture is one of her at the present time that I tend to write about her at age 16.

So Elysia doesnt have things easy. She comes from an abusive household that really fucked her up mentally and emotionally before she got to camp. She ran away at 13 after getting kicked out of her sixth or seventh school and thigs got ugly at home. Stuff happened and she was brought to camp(im refining and probably going to redo how that happens) and well...she doesnt exactly fit in.

Shes on the shorter side for her age and shes lanky and skinny(partially from both skipping meals and sometimes only eating when she can sneak food at home) and she comes onto the scene wearing oversized hand me downs in all dark colors and long sleeves thats got a clear fearful and insecure posture and stance and is always trying to blending into the background and hide from being noticed. Shes got a thick mane of not very well cared for black hair and eyes so dark in color they look completely black, sometimes even in the light with pretty dark bags under them highlighted by really really too pale skin. So it makes her an easy target to be bullied ya know? But she silently takes it like she always does while clutching this beat up little backpack she ran away with as shes put in the Hermes cabin until she’s claimed(which has a 1-3 day delay depending on the god, because a lot of kids come to camp especially at the start of summer)

When she gets claimed she freaks out and panics because everyone is staring at her and shes suddenly the center of attention because it happened in the middle of the campfire.

So begins the bonding with her big brother.

Shes got alot of inner turmoils and traumas and problems and inner demons and as a result she has undiagnosed anxiety disorders, depression, and some PTSD along with a very low amount of self-esteem and confidence in herself from the ordeals of before reaching camp. Though once shes at camp and she eventually settles in she starts recovering bit by bit. She slowly gets close with nico(it starts kinda awkward for both of them and she comes off really quiet and shy and terrified of sudden movement so its a little hard but they overcome it)

By the end of her first year at camp shes gotten close to Nico but has a really hard time making friends with other campers her own age so she ends up sticking close to Nico and following him like his shadow because theres a period of time that heś the only person Elysia feels even remotely safe and comfortable around. And as a result at first she spends alot more time with Nico’s friends and various members of the Big Seven and she gets close to them as well(more to her siblings at first but she gets there shes a nervous bean give her time)

Though in the middle of that first year she meets a girl that soon becomes one of her best and closest friends, a daughter of Hephaestus named Karter Becks(the second oc for this fandom I made) and I’ll get to more about their friendship later.

So by the second year at camp shes settled in a little, shes decidedly become a year-rounder because she would rather be eaten by a harpy than go back to “that horrible place”as she dubs it(not to mention its very very dangerous for her outside of camp)

More things about Elysia!!!

At thirteen she had absolutely NO control of reign of her abilities. She couldnt raise or summon the dead, her shadow travel was horribly spotty and half the time she couldnt even do so correctly and her most experience with spirits is that she can sense them and she can hear and speak to them but she cant really see them( they appear as really really blurry shapes that hurt her eyes to look at for too long) of course she beats herself up over this lack of skill, mostly because she(stupidly but understandably) compares her lack of teaching and training and beginner skill level to Nico’s at the time current skill level. Yeah its dumb and yeah in the back of her mind where her common sense is she realizes this but she cant stop herself from doing so, just like she unfairly to herself compares her sword fighting skill to older campers that have been there longer.

She eventually gets her own sword of Stygian Iron, because no matter what else she tries no other swords feel...right to her. They’re always too heavy or too light too awkward to hold dont work right with her swings or just dont feel right to her so at some point shes overthinking herself to death about it and beating herself up for being too picky when Karter suggests innocently that she tries swinging around her brother’s sword. “After all Elys, whats the worst that would happen, that it feels too heavy?”

But what ends up happening is that though its too heavy for her, it still feels...right. The best way to describe it is that she feels more connected to her powers and to herself in a way. After hearing that she gets her own of Stygian iron and its...perfect to her. Its not too heavy on her wrist or too light to wield. And afterwards she actually starts getting some more confidence which helps her improve a little faster than before.

Once Elysia is fully apart of camp life it takes a long time for it to fully click that her belongings...are hers and her likes and interests and likes are respected. They wont get taken away or threatened, she doesnt have to hide what she likes or pretend she doesnt like one thing or another. She’s free to be her own person for the first time in her life and she struggles for awhile to adjust to that and accept it. Those struggles result in alot of scattered breakdowns and even one or two...relaspes that for once in her life she has a support system of her half brother and half sister, his friends, her two close friends, and chiron to catch her and help her back to her feet. She has people to lean on and depend on and not have to be afraid of and this helps alot into her recovery and acceptance of herself and her mental illnesses. It takes her two of the three years shes been at camp for her to get at the better place shes at when shes 16, where she now has a small group of good friends, shes managed to bring up some of her self-esteem and self confidence, shes been clean for a year and shes in therapy for her PTSD and depression and shes opened up more to those around her and shes not the terrified jumps at her own shadow kid but a more quiet but kindhearted and sometimes even giggly teen whose slowly getting her life back together with plans for the future.

But on the topic of things she likes...

This girl loves-no ADORES animals, all kinds mythical or not. She didnt show it at first but she was so SOOOO excited when she realized the camp had Pegasi even though she tried to keep a distance from them because she realized she made them nervous. Oh man you shouldve SEEN her when Chiron took a group of campers her age into the woods and they caught a glimpse of a passing through unicorn. She was giddy about it for DAYS guys. She just...she has so much love and admiration and excitement for animals its so cute you guys.

Elysia also loves(ironically) learning about Mythology, from all over the world. Its her special interest and when she finds and buys a old broken touch screen phone(or one of those touch screen i-pod or something) and gets Karter to fiddle with it and (eventually after shenanigan filled misadventures of trying to upgrade it to not be detected by monsters and fix the cracked screen) she fills that thing to the brim of downloaded auidobooks of different mythologies as she can and she listens to them when doing schoolwork(she ends up having do be “homeschool” by online classes because things just do not go right when trying to attend schools outside of the protected borders)

She also loves anything soft. Especially stuffed animals. Oh my god she loves stuffed animals, well into her teens. She had one she managed to bring with her to camp that is her ultimate comfort object, a older beat up and been through a life time of ringers and back stuffed husky doll that she cherishes and takes care of like one might take care of gold. Over time (once they found out her birthday--October 5th) she starts getting stuffed animals as presents or just even as little splurges on herself . She also loves soft blankets soft clothes soft anything. She loves the texture and feel of it and it makes her happy.

She’s an aspiring writer and songwriter and can even sing a little but she has no confidence in her ability in any of those. But she has boxes and piles of notebooks and journals filled with little cartoony doodles and pages upon pages of stories and songs shes been writing for years now

Fun fact during her first year at camp Percy and Annabeth dropped by for a visit during their winter break to visit friends and I have this whole little story I might post about hoe when Percy’s walking to go meet someone he finds Elysia sitting alone at the beach doodling animals in her journal and he goes up to her(shes sitting all curled up so at a distance it probably looked like she was crying or something) to see if shes ok and because Nico had been telling him about her via iris messages and updates since she got there but he didnt get to meet her during the summer(stuff happened and she kinda hid from alot of people) but he finds her and he sits with her(after announcing his presence because Nico has told him about her being very jumpy and easily scared and that at that point hes the only one she really opens up to so dont take offense to it) and they sit for a bit and Percy asks her about her doodles and she just, for the first time like ever, she starts to open up because she gets so freaking excited and hyper about it that she just starts babbling away about her doodles and the animals of them and then about animals in general and she goes on this whole, like 30-40 minute info dump/ rant about them complete with diverting tangent questions that she answers herself before continuing with this just lit up and openly happy and ecstatic expression as she goes on and on while hes sitting there just listening to her and smiling down at her partly nostalgically because at that moment she reminds him so much of how Nico was when he first met him and you got him started on Mythomagic and that shes being so open about her excitement and then she looks at him and realizing what she was doing and she shuts herself up now panicking about how much she just word vomited on her big brother’s friend and more importantly this huge shot demigod Son of Poseidon whose saved the world not once but TWICE and who is probably very busy too busy to be hanging around with her--you get the idea of her panicking until Percy slowly reaches out his hand and she nods to let him know its ok and he ruffles her hair and tells her its ok he liked listening to her and holy shit I went on a tangent about that.

She also has alot of sweet bonding moments with Nico and Hazel because they teach her about having a loving and caring family and what thats like and its really sweet and cute and emotional

Did I mention she likes taking Nico’s shirts? Oh yeah she likes “borrowing” Nico’s shirts, and some of his jackets, mostly t-shirt and long sleeved shirts because once they get close his scent and presence really relaxes her nerves if she gets anxious. Of course its not stealing, its just borrowing and eventually giving back on laundry days...or he just lends it to her without being fully aware of it. Its cute because shes so short that they end up really big on her and she loves flapping the sleeves and the feeling of being engulfed in the safety of his presence without him even being there

ANYWAY COUGH COUGH

uhhhhhhh....yeah thats alot about her huh I think i’ll leave you all with that to take it and make sense of and I might make a part two(or you guys can ask about her too)

and yeeeeeeeeeee thats my PJO oc Elysia Melina!!

@phantommoonpeople

@kid-crashed

@demidorks (im sorry if im bothering you by tagging you youre one of the pjo blogs I follow and one of my favorites)

#percy jackson #percy jackson oc #percy jackon and the olympians #my oc #oc info #oc introduction #i guess #my art #my artwork #art wips #pjo #pjoverse #tw abuse #tw self harm mention #tw suicidal thoughts mention

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adelesbian · 6 years

Text

Reed Richards let out one large puff of smoke staring at it as it disappeared wanting to explain it, but he was too distracted by Victor stroked his hair thoughtlessly. Victor was also high; they were a couple of high fools together smoking some weed that Victor had stashed away. Reed didn’t usually smoke socially mostly because he didn’t do much of anything socially, but here he was in Victor von Doom’s dorm wishing he hadn’t gone.

Victor’s fingers crawled down to his shoulders. It felt like he was playing music on his body as he thoughtlessly ran his hands on Reed. “Are you playing me?” Reed asked taking one of Victor’s hands in his own and staring at it.

“No,” Victor said softly drawing Reed’s hand up to his lips kissing his fingertips.

Reed stared for a moment then kissed Victor. It was sloppy and frantic and rough, there was too much tongue, he missed at first and had to move to actually find Victor’s lips. Reed crawled into Victor’s lap grinding his hips against him. Victor tore off Reed’s shirt and threw it onto the floor.

“Ben is gonna be pissed,” Reed mumbled as Victor sucked on his neck. That would leave a mark.

“Why should he be worried of our doings?” Victor asked as Reed slipped his shirt off of him.

“He hates you, remember?” Reed said as Victor pushed him back onto the couch.

“Take off your pants,” Victor commanded, and Reed obliged fumbling with his zipper and finally kicking them onto the floor.

Victor straddled Reed then took Reed’s chin in his hand and drew him to him. He bent down and kissed him. His teeth clashed against Reed’s at first as he decided how he wanted to take Reed’s kiss. He finally placed his lips on Reed’s more gently than Reed thought he would. Reed reached up and drew him towards him until he was crouching over him.

“Fuck me, please,” Reed whispered in Victor’s ear.

Victor stood up to discard his pants on the floor. “But first,” he said as he slipped himself out of his boxers, “on your knees.”

Reed woke up sore next to Victor with no memory of the events of the night before. Obviously, he knew what happened because it didn’t take a genius to realize that he and Victor fucked, and he was a genius. If his clothing strewn around the room didn’t give it away, Victor’s hand on his ass definitely did.

“I have to go. I have class,” Reed said getting out of Victor’s bed and grabbing his clothes off the floor. Victor mumbled something after him but didn’t make any moves to get out of bed.

He raced to his dorm to shower and change out of his clothes which smelled awful. He bumped into Ben as he rushed inside.

“Ya look terrible,” Ben said catching Reed by the arm. His eyes drifted to the hickeys and bite marks all over Reed’s neck and his eyes widened. “Who did all this?”

“I need to shower and change and get to class,” Reed said.

Ben let him go, and Reed slipped inside their dorm to grab some clothes and his shower caddy then rushed to the showers. While he showered he inspected the marks on his body from his night with Victor. They were many, but that was what was to be expected from someone like Victor. He looked up into the hot water and closed his eyes. What was he doing? God, what was he going to do?

Apparently, what he was going to do was ignore the issue. He avoided Victor when he could which did not please Doom. This went on for weeks. Reed found every way to avoid Victor, but it could only last so long. Victor was pissed.

Reed was going to class when Victor cornered him. “Would you please get out of my way,” Reed said cooly which only made Victor seeth more.

“So, you have chosen to ignore what happened between us,” Victor said crossing his arms.

“And what happened between us?” Reed asked.

“Do not play ignorant with me. You are not a fool,” Victor said.

“We had sex. Is that what you want me to say? What is there to talk about?” Reed hissed.

“I will not be used,” Victor said. His eyes narrowing.

“I was high. I wasn’t in the position to use anyone,” Reed said.

“Then why did we not speak afterward, and why did you choose to avoid me?” Victor asked.

Reed winced knowing that what he did was not right. “Because I was scared,” Reed admitted and his voice shook. “I’ve never had sex with a man before.”

“Is that all?” Victor asked dropping his arms to his side. His face grew as soft as it could for a moment.

Reed looked away. “Look, I have a lot of things going on. I don’t need another distraction,” he said lying.

Victor took a step towards him, and Reed flatted on the wall. “I am a distraction to you?” he asked running his finger along Reed’s chin. Reed’s eyes widened.

“Ben has a class for the next couple hours,” Reed blurted out.

Victor smirked. “Willing to skip class for a taste of me, I see,” he said leaning down and catching Reed’s mouth with his. Reed strained to hold onto Victor’s lips as he pulled away.

Reed ripped off his sheets and tossed them into his hamper. He looked around his room at everything he just cleaned partly proud of himself for cleaning up their mess in so little time and partly ashamed of what he and Victor did. Ben walked in and took a moment to admire how even his side of the room was neat.

“What, uh, brought this on?” Ben asked.

Reed shrugged not trusting himself to lie to Ben about something like this. Ben dropped his bags and sat down on the couch getting comfortable. Reed winced thinking about how he sucked Victor off right where Ben was sitting. He couldn’t hide this from Ben forever; he had to tell him.

Unfortunately, Ben found out in the worst way possible. Reed put a sock on the doorknob like they said they would if they ever brought someone back to the dorm, but back then Reed never imagined needing to use it. Ben must have gotten accustomed to not having to worry about Reed having sex because he came in despite the warning.

At first Ben didn’t know what was wrong. “Some joker put a sock on tha door…” he said blissfully unaware of what was going on, but that blissful ignorance didn’t last long enough. Reed and Victor were fucking on the desk which was partially out of the way of the door so he didn’t see them until he turned to look towards Reed exclamations of surprise.

“What tha fuck!?” Ben shouted.

“Get out you clodding oaf,” Victor shouted.

Ben got out of the room as quickly as he could wishing he could rip his eyes out. His only comfort was that both Reed and Victor were partially clothed.

“So,” Reed said as Ben finally came back to their dorm. He stood as far as he could from Reed glaring at him. “I'm sorry you saw that.”

“Cut tha shit, Reed. Where?” Ben said looking around the dorm.

“Where?”

“Where all have you two fucked?”

Reed turned red as he thought of all the places he and Victor fucked in the dorm room alone. “Are you sure you want to know?” Reed asked.

“Just tell me, Reed,” Ben insisted.

“The, uh, couch, my bed, my desk,” Ben let out a grumble when he said the desk. Obviously, they fucked on the desk he was there, “I think, that’s all…” It wasn’t, but he wanted to spare him some of the discomforts of knowing all the places that he and Victor fucked.

“Outta all people,” Ben asked, “why him?”

Reed rubbed the bridge of his nose. “It wasn’t planned,” he said.

“He’s such a jerk,” Ben said.

“He’s not bad high, I guess,” Reed said under his breath. Ben’s head jerked around to look at him.

“You fucked while high?” Ben exclaimed.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Reed said.

“Are you datin’?” Ben asked his disapproval was all over his face.

“No,” Reed said, “I believe the term is friends-with-benefits.”

“That’s disgustin’,” Ben said shaking his head.

Reed tucked a strand of Sue’s hair behind her ear smiling. “You’re beautiful,” he said bending down to kiss her. It was barely a peck, but it was enough to make Reed feel like he was on top of the world.

Reed went back to his apartment thinking about how he was the luckiest man alive. His phone was ringing off the hook so he answered it. It was Ben on the other line.

“Your pal Victor did somethin’ really stupid. Ya better come fast.”

Victor’s whole face was bandaged up, and he laid out in the hospital bed weak from the accident. Reed sat in the chair next to him so that he would have someone to wake up to when he finally regained consciousness.

“Reed?” Victor’s voice was soft and strained.

Reed stood up placing his book to the side and leaning over Victor’s bedside. “Hey, how are you feeling?” he asked.

“I feel as if I were hit by a freight train,” Victor said reaching his hands up only to find that he was connected to all kinds of drips and cords.

“I’m glad you’re awake,” Reed said touching his hand gently.

“My face, it sears,” Victor said. “I’ve never known such pain.”

“Do you want me to call a nurse?” Reed asked.

“No, I do not wish for anyone to see me like this,” Victor said.

“How did this happen?” Reed asked pulling a chair up.

“I don’t wish to speak of it,” Victor said looking away from Reed.

Reed and Victor sat in silence for a while. Reed stood up grabbing his book and the rest of his things. “I have to go. I have class,” he said. Victor mumbled something after him seemingly dozing off.

Ben met Reed outside of the hospital. “Did ya tell him that he was expelled?” he asked.

Reed shook his head. “I didn’t have the heart. I’ve never seen him that vulnerable before,” he said.

“Hey, you’re with Suzie now,” Ben said.

“I don’t have feelings for him. I just feel terrible about what happened,” Reed said.

When Victor’s bandages were taken off, and he looked into the mirror and his heart sunk. A scar ran across his face ruining his once attractive face making him disfigured and in his eyes ugly. He beat his fist into the mirror, and it shattered under his strength. Pieces of glass ripped at his skin and blood ran down his hand. He sunk down to the floor holding his hand and let out a strangled sob.

No one came to see him for days and he stewed in his misery. Reed finally visited knowing that he was the closest thing Victor had to a friend. He found him sunk on the floor, his hand unbandaged, and him unwashed.

“Leave,” Doom said his voice stronger than he looked.

“Let me look at your hand,” Reed said kneeling down next to him and touching the blooding hand.

Doom snatched it away. “I said leave.”

“Victor, it could get infected then you could lose your hand. You have enough to worry about already,” Reed said taking his hand and inspecting it.

Victor looked up at Reed, and Reed finally saw the scar that disfigured one side of his face. He made no comment as he drew Victor up and to the sink to clean the cut. He ran hot water over the cut washing off the blood so that he could get a better look of the cut underneath. Victor winced. Reed sat him on the toilet and grabbed some alcohol from under the sink which he put on a cotton ball and dabbed gently on the cut. Victor cussed under his breath in what Reed assumed was Latverian. Reed found some bandages and wrapped Victor’s hand tightly.

“Now, you need to bathe yourself,” Reed said. “Can you do that on your own?”

“Yes,” Victor said his voice softer than when he demanded that Reed leave. Reed started the bath for him then made a move to leave before he saw how Victor struggled with his clothing. Reed helped him take off his shirt and pants but left him in his boxers.

Reed left the bathroom before Victor sunk into the bath. Victor emerged half an hour later in a towel. His hair was still dripping wet, but he looked better than he had been curled on the ground in anguish. Victor sat next to Reed and leaned his head on his shoulder.

“Thank you,” he said softly.

“It was nothing,” Reed said tucking his arm around Victor’s waist in an awkward half-hug.

Victor sat up and leaned in to kiss Reed. Reed winced and moved away. Doom reached for his face and moved away from Reed his eyes wide.

“Even you recoil from me because of my hideous scar,” Doom said.

“It’s not that Victor. I’m seeing someone,” Reed said softly.

“So you’ve moved on so quickly just when I needed you the most,” Doom hissed.

“Moved on? From what?” Reed asked confused.

Doom’s face grew hard, and he pointed to the door. “Out!”

“Victor, I-”

“OUT!”

Seeing Reed was torture. Victor blamed him for everything, the accident, getting expelled… breaking his heart. If he weren’t so obsessed… in love with… Reed, none of this would have happened. He would have done the calculations right, he would have been successful, he would have freed his mother… So bitterly he held onto these feelings following a path that was forged with hate. It was years after that he saw Reed again and despite the time his anger had not faded, but rather it grew and grew until it was something monstrous. Any love that he knew for Reed was long gone and replaced with abhorrence. Reed was his most hated rival but once his only friend.

#Reed Richards #victor von doom #doctor doom #mr fantastic #victor von doom x reed richards #f4 #ff #fic #this is so cursed and i hate myself for writing it lmao #this was supposed to be crack but it became angst oops #sfw

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yourcoolfriendwithallthecandy · 6 years

Text

Magic and Miracles and BEYOND Chapter 4

Ok, so for those who don’t know I face cast Miracle Laurie as Hazel Stevens, Titus Drautos’ love interest (*cough* love of his life *cough*) and in the upper right hand corner is my face cast for Ada, @the-immortal-marshal ‘s OC, she gave me Ada’s particulars forever ago so now I’ve just finally face cast her. And we have TADA I finally found a face I liked for Charlotte Stevens. Hazel’s sister who is of African American and Chinese decent. And I am OBSESSED with Empresses in the Palace which is a six episode long mini series that USED to be on Netflix, you can find it on Amazon Prime video now. And there is a lot of symbolism from that show that I’ve taken and run wild with because in this fic Gilgamesh (who I have taken so many liberties with) is a Chinese drug lord who thinks of himself as an Emperor and calls Charlotte his Empress. And Cor is obsessed with taking him down (like he is in the canon-verse).

Ok so you can read it here -> AO3 or below. Tumblr, be cool, keep it under a cut.

Magic and Miracles and BEYOND

Chapter 4

“Ok, I stand corrected, this is my favorite house.” Selena announced as she came into the mansion in California wine country that was styled in a blend of Italianate, Spanish and Mediterranean. With it’s overall warm tones and clay tile roof. She fell head over heels in love with it.

“Knew it would be,” Ravus beamed.

“I want our house to be exactly like this.” Selena urged Ravus who chuckled.

“Yeah, I figured as much.” Ravus nodded in agreement, having figured that the moment they hit the road.

“Yeah, you can keep the house on the coast Luna, I love that location but I love and adore this house and the vineyards are just...spectacular. It’s so beautiful I think I’m gonna cry.” Selena teased herself as her eyes actually started to water which only got Ravus to pull her into his embrace and kiss the crown of her head.

“Well Ravus did buy you that place up the coast so you’re only a stroll down the beach away.” Luna teased her.

“Yeah,” Selena sighed wistfully before she gave Ravus a quick peck on the lips before she had him really show her around.

“Holy shit!” Selena exclaimed when she saw the wine cellar.

“Yeah, this wine cellar alone is worth as much as the actual house I think.” Ravus speculated.

“It’s all dry isn’t it?” Selena asked in disappointment.

“Actually, no,” Ravus began as he hunted through the cellar. “Yes! This Darling, is ice wine. And it is exceptionally sweet.” Ravus said as he handed her a little mini bottle.

“Should we chill this first?” Selena asked as she looked it over.

“Yes, yes we should.” Ravus nodded as he used a special wine bottle carrier box to put in a half dozen bottles in, going through the rows picking out different ones before filling the box full and putting it down before getting another before he turned the corner and it was like it kept expanding, Ravus going through the bottles like anyone would go through a library to look at books.

“Does it ever end? I could get lost in here.” Selena teased as Ravus grinned but kept his eyes moving through all the labels.

“You could.” Ravus answered but only half teasing himself before his phone went off.

“Yeah?” Ravus answered.

“Where are you?” Luna asked.

“In the wine cellar?” Ravus answered.

“Where at in the wine cellar?” Luna asked.

“I’m at the Rieslings, just about to head into the Moscatos. I already handed Darling some ice wines.” Ravus answered.

“Ooh, could you get me my favorite please?” Luna requested.

“Sure, what does Jock Strap want?” Ravus asked.

“Oh he’s found the bar, he’s good.” Luna snorted a laugh.

“Well then get me my favorite.” Ravus insisted.

“Already gotten.” Luna reassured him.

“Thanks, when you guys figure out what to get for dinner call me back.” Ravus urged his sister.

“Yup.” Luna nodded.

“That’s really kind of sad that the house is so big, you have to call each other on your phones to talk to each other.” Selena teased as she leaned up against a brick wall and gave him a giddy smile.

“Oh trust me, once we start our family, you’ll be happy it’s as big as it is, in fact I think you’ll love it down here because it’ll be the one part of the house where the kids won’t be allowed to play and you’ll have some nice ‘quiet mommy time’.” Ravus gently teased her with a look that had Selena wishing she could speed up time just to get to that and she just couldn’t help but pull him away from the wines to pull him flush with her to kiss him deeply.

“Can’t wait.” Selena purred when they broke for air and Ravus put the box down but only to allow him to pin her to the brick wall behind her before he picked her up so that her legs wrapped around his waist and her arms wrapped around his shoulders as he slipped her panties to the side since she was wearing a sundress as he unzipped his shorts and quickly entered her and moaned with her.

“I can, it’ll be worth the wait. I promise.” Ravus beamed at her.

“Aww,” Selena fawned.

Meanwhile Hazel and Titus were about to get ready to go to the store when Hazel checked her phone for the time before the screen went haywire for a moment as Titus’ phone did the same before both her phone and Titus’ phone turned themselves off and wouldn’t turn back on and Hazel inhaled sharply as her eyes went wide with terror because she knew what was going to happen next.

“Titus, you either need to get to the car right now or you need to get into my bathroom and don’t come out unless I come in and get you.” Hazel immediately ordered and Titus blinked in surprise when he saw how terrified she suddenly looked.

“What are you talking about?” Titus asked.

“No time to explain, here.” Hazel decided for him before she seemed to pull a gun out from under her breakfast bar and put it into his hand and shoved him into the bathroom.

“Sit right here, don’t move, don’t make a sound and shoot anyone but me who tries to come in.” Hazel ordered, keeping her voice whisper quiet but the hiss to her voice put him on edge before Hazel quickly locked the bathroom and quickly ran to her door and pulled out another hand gun and watched through the keyhole as Charlotte and two body guards came walking purposefully down the hallway, each body guard taking up an end to the hall to leave Charlotte to approach Hazel’s door alone before she knocked her special knock.

“Please tell me you’ve come to say goodbye.” Hazel told her sister in Mandarin when she opened the door for her sister, her gun visible at her side as Charlotte came strutting into Hazel’s apartment as Hazel shut the door behind her as she warily watched her sister.

“I came with a warning.” Charlotte began and Hazel’s stomach dropped. “You should go out to dinner tonight.” Charlotte suggested.

“Where and with who?” Hazel’s eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“It doesn’t matter where but I think you’ll know with who.” Charlotte grinned as she laid a manila envelope on the counter.

“What part of ‘I never want to be involved’ is hard to understand?” Hazel bit out.

“It’s Heaven’s wish, either serve the warning or you can try to Witchhazel.” Charlotte returned coolly and Hazel’s jaw clenched. “Your choice.” Charlotte shrugged before she stood in front of Hazel with a challenging smirk before hugging her sister before Hazel begrudgingly returned it.

“Why can’t you both go back to Hong Kong? At least you’d be safer there.” Hazel asked as she hugged her sister tighter, always feeling like she was seeing her sister for the last time when her sister came to her like this.

“Soon.” Charlotte answered and Hazel knew that was the closest to a straight answer she could ever get from Charlotte.

“Ok.” Hazel whispered.

“Now tell Titus hi for me and to keep his nose out of our business.” Charlotte offered in English as she let go of her sister and left, snapping her fingers once she was in the hallway before both henchmen were back at her side as she left the building as Hazel blew out a shaky breath as her cheeks burned as she put the gun back into it’s hiding spot and went over to the manila envelope and opened it to find a tiny flash drive and found 50 thousand dollars with it. Hazel just huffed and shook her head. She took the money out and when she did, she found ‘Warhorn Lion’ written on a piece of yellow paper that almost looked and felt like tissue paper but was in fact a recreation of the paper used by Chinese Emperors to write edicts and orders on- on the inside of the envelope in Mandarin calligraphy and Hazel just closed her eyes and fought not to cry.

“Shit.” Hazel hissed as she got gloves on and took it out and folded it carefully, damning her hands for shaking. At least it wasn’t Titus’ name. She put the paper and the flash drive into a new envelope and into her purse before she put the money into her lock box and once she was done she took her gloves off and threw them away before she knocked on the door to the bathroom off her bedroom where she had put Titus.

“It’s safe now Baby.” Hazel called out softly as she unlocked the door and opened it to find Titus still sitting in the same spot she left him in.

“What the fuck is going on?” Titus demanded as he stood up and stared at her incredulously.

“If I answered that, I’d have to kill you myself.” Hazel answered defeated-ly as she took her gun back to put it away.

“What kind of convoluted clandestine bullshit is that?!” Titus spat angrily as he followed her and took note of where it had come from in the first place, having sat right there before and not having the smallest clue it had been there the whole time.

“The kind of convoluted clandestine bullshit that will get you killed, moreover it’s the kind of convoluted clandestine bullshit that puts car bombs under cars and straps C4 to someone’s chest and tells them to walk into hospitals and schools with the power to bring anyone to their knees before it lops off their heads, that kind. The kind that already knows your name, where you work, your routines, the truck you drive and where you are at all times. The kind that’s kept a tail on me since I went to college, the kind that has already buried the last nosy boyfriend. So do yourself a favor if you want to live and let it go and never, ever breathe a word of this ever again. This is your one warning. The next time you bring this up, that sniper on that roof right over there will shoot you and I’ll have to change the carpet again because blood doesn’t come out from white carpet well.” Hazel snarled as she pointed her finger into his chest, the tip digging into his flesh hard every time she said the word ‘you’ as tears flowed freely from her eyes as her expression was a pleading one as Titus just stared in shock at her as he finally really sensed what kind of predicament and danger she must be in and all he wanted to do was make her feel safe again, he didn’t care if he had to set the world on fire to do it either. He knew Hazel was smart, brilliant even and as badass as the day was long but if his Hazel was this scared, she would only have every justification to be so.

“Ok.” Titus answered softly as finally nodded as he brought her in and hugged her tight and kissed the crown of her head.

“Obviously you don’t have a choice in this. If this is the way it has to be then it’s the way it has to be.” Titus offered as Hazel just broke down crying and bawled into his chest and when she was done, she pulled herself back together and kissed him so deeply it started their own familiar chain of events and once satisfied, they left and went about their day, Titus doing his best to act like nothing was wrong and that nothing had happened out of the usual.

“Hey you wanna meet up with Cor and Ada for dinner?” Hazel asked innocently as they were putting their groceries away.

“Yeah sure.” Titus nodded and texted Cor.

“Where to?” Titus asked Hazel.

“I don’t care, whatever they want is fine.” Hazel waived off. “Actually I could go for some rice noodles though, maybe Chinese? Japanese? Vietnamese? Thai? Something like that.” Hazel waived off.

“The Mandarin?” Titus suggested, knowing that was her favorite Chinese restaurant, it was a bit upscale but very authentic and the whole menu was in Mandarin and English and he loved the way Hazel could order for them in nothing but Mandarin and get things that weren’t even on the menu.

“Perfect.” Hazel beamed and once at the restaurant, Cor was exceptionally happy and even giddy because he had gotten a break in the Gilgamesh case that day and Hazel was grateful that she wasn’t sitting right next to him but feared for Ada, knowing that Ada was in grave danger but was powerless to say anything to her directly. Hazel excused herself from the table and took her server aside as she went to the bathroom and gave her a hundred dollar bill if she put the envelope into Cor’s bill. Hazel having taken the envelope out with a tissue and put it into a folded napkin to hand to the server who thought it was some kind of practical joke before the owner, who had been watching over them, took the envelope and looked inside before their eyes went wide for a moment and made a quick phone call before they nodded and got a red envelope and wrote something out with a calligraphy pen and comped not just Cor and Ada’s meal but Titus and Hazel’s too.

“Mr. Leonis, could you please come with me?” The owner asked Cor as he came and pointed to the bill as if the card had gotten declined.

“Oh, that shouldn’t of...” Cor said as he got up and got his wallet out as he followed the owner to the cash register.

“Oh no, your card wasn’t declined, no your meal was taken care of already but I didn’t want to disturb your party by handing you this.” The owner said as he handed Leonis a red cash envelope typically given to newly weds at their wedding.

“What does this say?” Cor asked as he pointed to the writing on the envelope.

“It says ‘compliments of Emperor Gilgamesh’.” The owner answered.

“Fuck.” Cor breathed. “Is he here? Like right now?” Cor asked the owner.

“Of course not. Even if he was, you could not do anything Marshal.” The owner pointed out with a smug grin.

“I could have you arrested for aiding and abetting.” Cor threatened.

“Perhaps you should look at the flash drive first before you make any foolish threats.” The owner suggested sagely as Cor narrowed his eyes and got the flash drive and put it into his phone before picture after picture of Ada and Ada and himself came up on the screen before a new message came into his phone with a picture of himself, Ada and Titus in the cross-hairs from a scope while they were still there at the restaurant and Cor looked up and searched the room, trying to find the threats and the vantage points these pictures were taken from.

“It really would be quite rude to answer generosity with disrespect. Perhaps you should go home now.” The owner suggested. “And please do not think that my restaurant is unique in that his Majesty has reign here. There is no where any of you could ever go that he would not come for you.” The owner warned. “And if I may let you in on a secret. His Majesty is being lenient with you and has written your name in black. This is your warning that you have come too close. If you come any closer, he will write your name in white. White is the color of death in our culture. And it will be as if he would have written your death warrant.” The owner added and Cor gulped.

“Understood.” Cor nodded before he went back to the table and tried to casually get them all out of there as the owner came and thanked them for coming and invited them back as he handed Hazel a to go container of her favorite dumplings- raw so she could steam them herself when she got home and once back in Titus’ truck Hazel found a thick black card with what Gilgamesh liked to referred to her as written in gold ink along with a quick message of thanks.

“What does that say?” Titus asked as he noticed it.

“It says ‘thank you’ and my name.” Hazel answered honestly.

“I’ve never gotten a thank you for getting takeout from here.” Titus frowned.

“Well you’re not on first name basis and friends with the family.” Hazel tried to reason with a lop sided grin as Titus nodded in understanding.

“So that’s why our meal was free?” Titus asked.

“Yup.” Hazel nodded.

“So...I’m thinking we should take up a new hobby together.” Titus began.

“Which is?” Hazel asked curiously.

“Shooting. I’m already into hunting, I need to be a better shooter though.” Titus realized as he squeezed her hand a little tighter and gave her a gentle yet reassuring look and watched as Hazel’s grin grew into a full blown smile.

“That would be...amazing.” Hazel praised as she squeezed his hand back tightly and just fell in love with him a little more. Because usually right about now any guy would be running for the hills but instead, Titus was making plans to stay and try to help her.

“Wanna stay at my house tonight?” Titus asked.

“Hell yeah.” Hazel nodded as Titus then turned to head to his house since Hazel already had enough of her things to stay there for a few months straight already.

Once back at his house, Titus put her dumplings in the fridge before he turned to face her, wanting to tell her a thousand different things all at once as he had thought about her predicament all day.

“So, if I wanted my house as secure and defend-able as possible, how would I go about that?” Titus asked her before she grabbed the shopping list pad off of his fridge and a pen and handed them to him.

“Take notes.” Hazel grinned as Titus returned her grin and took them before Hazel began to go through the whole house and tell him exactly how to accomplish that and insisted that she pay for it all because it would be getting quite costly but it was investment in Titus’ well being and would help her sleep easier at night.

#Magic and Miracles and BEYOND #Magic and Miracles and Beyond Chapter 4

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bloodstainedangelic · 6 years

Text

My Experience with The human Condition

I feel like I should start writing this somewhere so maybe someone sees this and avoids some of the mistakes i've come to make threwout my life. I dont exactly plan on this being a autobiogeph, But things are confusing at the current moment. Let's get Started Let me start of by intreducing myself Hi, Im Roy Otherwise Known as janro a Afrikaans Raised South african 22 year oldAnd Im a Psycopath of sorts Now my Grammer or Spelling wont be a real reflection of my Brain so to speak, or my Character im in general bad with spelling but im good with words I guess. Im not a Psycopath in the general sense of what most people think , No I dont hurt people I have yet to murder someone in case your wondering. But I dont feel things like people should, Happiness IF you could call it that comes for me in the form of anger and immense moments of depression Tho im not sure what those Emotions really mean, Its the closest I come to feeling anything tho, Im not sure what anything is really, I find it impossible to learn anything from anyone, I think it might have to do with the fact that I usually Find myself better the work.Its a bad habbit because of that I learn to hate almost everything I do, Yet i Tend to be good at it, Everything ive ever undertaken ive either excelled at or simply never bothered to even try at it. I have no Motivation for anything It seems Pointless I dont see the purpose of running the hamster wheel of a life we tend to live, Im lonely So lonely yet I have a beautifull girlfriend thats wonderfull really. Shes amazing, A little one the only thing probably keeping me around my Beautifull little child. But that hurts me in the same breath because I want to see the world and expierence everything from every corner of the world in hopes that i find something that brings me Purpose, But now Because of her im forced to run the hamster wheel. And this is has been the hardest undertaking of my life. a year at college to get a Degree thats gotten me Nowhere and Taught me nothing, The person "In Charge" of teaching us" was so incapible him self I actually found it amusing in times so now with no Safety net noone to run to, No more Money to study Further, I sit here everyday Trying to find a job im totally unprepared to do. Maybe I am Ready but You see im intentionally or unintentionally self destructive I dont know, I cant afford to see a Therapist to try and deal with my Problems. If that would even help, So here i Am hoping some Stranger reads this and Borrows me a ear or some advice, Im trying to briefly Summarize my Current Situation So IF you're not interested in the full story Stop here. As a child I use to excell at everything I did at 12 I was already taking care of my Drunk of a dad, And teaching my Mother and sister how to cook, How to teach, How to handle there work and school life's I've always been the helpfull Silent kid that helps everyone els out with a smile but never quite getting anything in return, Well not In the general sense atleast. See I thrive on Others Emotions Im kind of a Morphic Person I adapt my Personaly and Characteristics to the person im talking to, So "Me" as a person my "Personality" Doesnt exsist its totaly Dependant on my current situation Because of that i've found it easy to Manupilate people Especially People who think they have the upper hand. When someones Following my Everywhim I feel this " At home" feeling And I guess because of this My life turned out the way it did. See for me Nothing Ever works out the way its suppose to, Im a Hopeless Optemist at time but its never worked out not even once, I've never had a plan work out before Yet I cant bring my self to "Just go with the flow" Because I tend to feel very little 99% of the time I've always been the calm and Colected person in my Family so everyruns to me if theres trouble or if they have problems. I'd love to run to someone I know for help right now, But I dont think anyone I know has the brain cells to understand the odd situation im in. Basiclly Im stuck in a puddle and ive got no way out. Theres no branch to latch onto no doors to open threres nothing ahead, I'd love to say all I need is for someone to give me a chance but im not sure I can get what they need from me done, Every Dream ive ever had ive had to toss into the wind because of one or another situation Either money family or loved ones. I feel like Im not good enough for anything anymore I've always had this rock solid self confidence lately none of thats left, Im the kind of guy that can write a 4000 Word essay on the spot usually and right now i dont even know what to write anymore, My Life is a Shit show right now, And ive got no outlet So im hoping this provides me some kind of support. I've lived a complicated live uptill now I've dealt With a Drunk for a dad thats sold everything ive almost every owned when i was living with him I turned to drugs to Feel something at some point But I litterly Stopped that Addiction simply by doing so much drugs that i'd be able to go to the hospital if i OD'd or Feel so shit that I can mentally start to restructer the addiction as a "Pain in the ass" "A hassle" It wasnt some Therapy or Rehab that helped me Just me simply Lying to my self and Ya I do get Cravings from time to time , But Eh. after that I spent 3 Years sitting at home trying to find a job And eventually after Interview and Interview failing I ended up Going to study and it this point im sure you know how that ended, And now im a Neutral Rock that cant feel anything but Crushing Self Pitty and Demotivation towards every daily act Its gotten to the point where i'd rather be hungry for 2 days straight then get up and make my self some Instant noodles or a Cheese sandwitch The other day I had such bad Stomach Cramps That i fainted, Probably because of the lack of neutrition but Eh I dont have the money to see a DR and I cant be Bothered trying to Improve my Diet as an Example I use to Weight About 90KGs Athletic Guy with Big "Muscles" I weight 42 KGs atm I Disgust my self when i look in the mirror lately When i see how ive let my self just Rot I honestly looked better on drugs Hell all the photos on this twitter I was high as all shit. I cant Off my self cause what about my kid. And That would be to much of a hassle honestly I mean ive been trying to kill my self slowly for years but still. I cant improve my life because I have no motivation And to improve it I would need a job and at this point I cant even remember what I had for Breakfast. Ooh And ive been Self Medicating with 7 Types of Anti Deppresants None of wich work btw All they do is make me feel "Edgy" when I forget to take them. But yeah I mean Shitts Tuff Im having some real "First World" Problems at the moment but to be honest i'd rather be in a warzone or some apocelyptic fuckery of a area atleast there id have a daily in and out and hell maybe the idea of getting murdered everyday might drive me to do something with my life althought thats doubfull But yeah if you got this far I think I owe you a Alot, and hell maybe you feel the same but I just want someone to fucking help me. I Feel fucking broken And I really just need some Help.

#help me #i need help #what do i do #self deprecation #deppressed #sad #Please help me #story #my life

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kendricksendrick · 6 years

Text

im such a bitch heres some fun facts about me

how tall are you?

5 foot 2ish

what is your body type?

ex-gymnist who wakeboards a lot

what is your favorite part about your body?

um my boobs i guess idk

is your current hair color your natural hair color?

currently dirty blonde but once summer/vacation comes around my hair will go black to bleach blonde on its own

are you more outgoing or more shy

im quiet

are you more femme or butch?

femme

are you tol or smol?

smol bean

wine mom or vodka aunt?

vodka aunt

weird habit?

need chapstick 24/7

favorite meme?

bon apetit

do you sing in the shower?

i used to but now i just have therapy with myself

ever used a bow and arrow?

nope

are/were you a theatre kid?

yes haha

have you ever seen a broadway musical?

i want to!!

do you think musicals are cheesy?

no wtf i was just in one yesterday it was amazing

have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?

favorite Cards Against Humanity Card?

all of them also this just reminded me im gonna buy this game

last movie you watched?

monsters in lol

behind the camera or in front of it?

behind

favorite tv show?

30 rock

meaning behind your url

it came to me randomly

reason you joined tumblr

in 7th grade my friend told me it was cool and here i am 5yrs later with like 4 blogs

who’s your closest tumblr friend?

my irl friend alex

what’s something most people love that you hate?

kim k

have you ever taken narcotics?

have you had sex?

i wish

have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

never caught :)))

worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told?

funniest lie is that im straight lol

describe your passion without mentioning it.

its all with our mouths ;)

describe your best friend.

cute, funny, dumb asf, the best

give us one thing about you that no one knows.

im an open book just ask and i will tell

how do you feel right now?

tired and hungry

what is your biggest fear?

alone forever also sleep paralysis

what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

gold mine by colbie calliat idk how to spell it

what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?

saying no balls to myself and stalking through instagrams on a 3hr car ride to find my girl and the her snap and then sayying no balls and snapping her :))

have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end?

currently putting forth minimum effort i have senioritis

something you fantasize about.

kiss my gorl

last time you cried and why

last night or maybe it was this morning? i was doing the 24hr musical at my school (we have 24hrs to put together an ENTIRE musical and all $ goes to charity!) but i cried from laughing so hard doing yoga

what was the last thing that made you laugh?

the 24 hr musical

do you really, truly miss someone right now?

grandmaaa

who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

my church gc bc we the true ho(e)mies

the last time you felt broken?

idk like a week ago

are you starting to realize anything?

ya actually maybe im just a lesbian and not bi who knows

are you more dominant or more submissive?

sub i think

i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)

you make me smile

do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?

same age

describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.

great detail lets go!

shes in my grade bu9t goes to a different school but her hair is short like mine but darker and shes tanner than me and taller but just by a little bit! she has really nice eyes and a good smile and is sososo sweet no matter what stupid thing i say to her and i miss her a lot i wanna cuddle with her and i when we go on our next date catch me cuddling with her no matter what and she is in band too but going to college way far away in the fall so we will both be sad bois then but its okay because we have all summer to hang out and cuddle and be something did i mention she is pretty af

do you have any kinks?

first thing you notice in a person?

tbh if they smell good and teeth

how can someone win your heart?

call me pretty

been rejected by a crush?

haha yes but its okay guys

have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?

no but vice versa so thats super awkward

would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

is trust a big issue for you?

i just want the truth

did you hang out with the person you like recently?

is november for 2hrs considered recent ;(

is confidence cute?

YES

what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

happy 4 u

would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

no lol

does the person you have feelings for right now know you do?

yes she does

ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

got my car stuck in the mud infront of hher on our first date

do you want to get married

yes!

worst thing you’ve ever done?

been a big bitch

three things that turn you on.

being called babe/baby, being teased, and idk

who do you hate?

lowkey one of my super lose friends oops

favorite term of endearment?

love

who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening?

ANNA KENDRICK GOD DAMN

intimidating girls or kind girls?

kindddd

what do you look for in a possible partner?

nice to me

do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?

i do not know ive only really ever liked one girl and also my straight best friend bc im a dumb bitch

are you good at flirting?

tbh no

who was the first person you came out to?

my church gc

do you have any friends who are wlw?

YEs!

is your crush wlw?

last person to make you reconsider your sexuality?

the boy who asked me to prom has me thinking am i bi or lesbooo

write a short love poem to your crush/self?

sweet are your eyes like honey in the sun

you make me smile

do you fall in love easily?

is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

that time i was a big boi bitch to a girl

are you good at hiding your feelings?

ha no

are you a forgiving person?

yes

what is your “type?”

good question

fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours?

probs fall asleep on her

tall girls or short girls?

taller than mee

hugs or kisses?

kiss!

twirl her around or get twirled?

TWIRL HER THAT WOULD BE SO CUTE

tummy kisses or thigh kisses?

ooh both

hairline kisses or neck kisses?

neckk

play with her hair or stroke her tummy?

both

making out or soft kisses?

soft kisses

hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist?

NECK OO

how confident are you in your sexuality?

haha good one im happy with who i am tho!

when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach?

butterflies to the maxx

have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them?

like(d) my straight best friend and will not be telling her that lol

my girl tho i def told her ;))

how old were you when you realized you were into girls?

16ish id say

most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl?

so many things everything i do is embarassing

do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon?

BECHLOE!

what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality?

every word about lgbt that comes out of my mothers mouth since i am not out to her and now not planning on it for a very long time bc shes a big ignorant bitch!!

when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter?

haha good question idk

what is love to you?

ALWAYS putting others before you no matter what

ask me anything.

i will answer do it no balls

#about me #ask me anything

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depressedsightwitch · 7 years

Text

A list of things that annoy me in the book community

- mackenzi lee being a white feminist and also remember that time was trying to tease people that some MC in one of her books /might/ be asexual and people were like it's a yes or no question like???? She implied it was a spoiler or something I think. Also I'm pretty sure i saw she tried to police someone's bisexuality or something to that effect and idk if that's true but even if it is yikes. (*add on* the original wording was bad, so it was changed, I thought I'd saved the thing I saw about this and as far as I can tell I haven't. This is also not trying to say she's evil and antibi (she's bi I'm pretty sure) but in case she pulls the classic messy queer move as she's been pulling a lot of messy shit 🙂)

- the annoyance at Jodi Meadows having the first YA fantasy book (that we know of) published with a black girl on it, knowing full well other POC should've gotten that honor first and then saying nothing about it or any of the issues in the book (ive heard that most of the males- who are black- are aggressive and it mostly just features the mc being fucking tortured in a prison cell but yay for a white lady writing a black character)

- maggie stiefvaters constant racism

- i still feel awful that cclare is so fucking big, like i enjoyed tid (obviously) but hot damn she fucked a lot of ppl over and that whole copyright situation, meaning she copyrighted herself not the darkhunters lady is Yikestm. Also all of her books kinda read same? But thats more a me thing 🤷🏼

- oh right people still stan sjm and I'm????? She's racist, sexist, ableist, and probably more! Not to mention her books go on for too long with virtually no content (im looking at you empire of storms) and are so fucking similar literally empire of storms and court of mist and fury had the same ending. Also, can we talk about how people were seeing lines not just from other people's books but from HER OWN books that were in ACOWAR (which still looks like 'a cowar (d)' to me, coincidence, i think not) and wasn't there that whole thing were she was a asshat to her closest author pal (s), and to her fans and shit? Like, IDK she was nice to me when I met her but the fact that she ran from social media when people criticized her was telling and I wouldn't put that past her.

(Side note, I don't hate her or want her dead or harmed, that's awful, I just want her to have virtually no sales, like therw is no reason this person should be famous)

- harlequinteen and their messy ass needs to go home like? Stop with The Continent and The Black Witch and Zenith.

The Continent is racist and anti native, with a healthy doce of white savior.

The Black Witch is every kind if -ist, -ism, anti-, you can possibly think of, but it's passed of as okay/funny/progressive for the sake of our very white, very allocishet, and able MC.

Zenith is like some mess they tossed together at the last minute but it's okay, apparently they have "diversity". Despite no character ever being describe one of the characters is a WOC? Also that book is just a fucking joke, i think theinsanereader on youtube puts it best, plus literally just goodreads it.

- also epic reads needs to chill with continuing to rec books that came in 2012 that the WHOLE WORLD KNOWS ABOUT okay, Throne of Glass, The Hunger Game, Cinder they've come and gone, move on please. Also stop with messy books like Carve The Mark it looks bad on you.

- and can we please talk about how authors will drop issues of suddenly become indifferent to criticisms once they get a deal. They could be screaming about problematic people, protect the teens, more diversity but it's like the second they sign with some big company. Not that the company matters, all of the self pub authors I know of/followed where pretty sketchy or asshats, so there is that.

ADD ONS

- im also still annoyed about that tristina wright shit, like 1. She was cancelled when her book fucking sympathized with colonizers, 2. She was double cancelled when her apology wasn't even an apology like???? Also, I HATE how much that highlighted ppl having to pick, like the shitty race and coloniser narrative for queerness? Alright, will do? But now she's a sexual harrasser too, so triple done with her. I wonder how Entangled Teen is handling this?

- authors who suddenly have diversity in there books? What the fuck was with the sudden diversity in King's Cage? Why wasn't all that there before? Likely because the author didn't think to put it in until people criticised her for it. Same with SJM, people criticised her and instead of actually doing anything about it she "actually-ed" in her books by plunking rando queers into the story, but i doubt she takes the poc thing seriously because "but she has the summer court!" Okay jan, yes the queen of diversity love 👀

-also wtf is it with the "here's a black nation and my nation is all white" in fantasy, what is that why do people do that, why is your fantasy world segregated, at SJM and Sara Raasch, like I loved Snow Like Ashes but it has that in it. I think I've heard of other fantasy books having it too, like Kiss of Deception but I could be wrong.

-how little the YA community cares about the demographic these books are written for. I joined as a teen and literally everyone cared about the opinions of adults more than us? If you don't like or value teens then go somewhere else? These stories are supposed to be for them and about them and y'all are out here speaking over and attacking them? Yikes.

(Add on) because this isn't apparent this is me being annoying and annoyed. This are all things I've heard about/read about at some point and I'd dare say a good portion of these you could look up and read more about!

If any of this pisses you off feel free to fight me (i hope you read in that 13yos viner girls voice) and if you think I'm wrong feel free to challenge me 🙂)

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jihopi-remade · 6 years

Text

tagged by @04pluto (ily ♥) to answer some questions about myself

nickname: el, preferably, but i have many nicknames

zodiac: leo sun, gemini moon, who the hell knows what rising everyone already hates me for the first two anyway lmao

height: 5′9

age: 22 on aug 9

time: 12:10 am

fave bands/artists: bts, bigbang, exo, 2ne1, bap, vance joy, sam smith, ed sheeran, hozier, harry styles, watsky, nf, mumford & sons, qveen herby, post malone, tbh i’ll never stop if not now

song stuck in my head: dynasty by miia and im emo as fuckin hell

last movie i watched: oh god, i havent been watching movies lately. i cant even remember.

last thing i googled: tsukishima x kuroo bc i couldnt remember kuroo’s name and knew i’d find it by typing ‘tsukishima x’ skdjfkj

other blogs: i have a score of other blogs tbh but i barely use them and dont rly wanna just publicly link them?? if ur a mutual n wanna know u can mssg me.

do i get asks?: ive gotten 1 ask since making this blog 3 weeks ago and it was someone saying they were tempted to unfollow me SO thats a no lmao

why i chose my username?: bc all the Good urls are taken and i love jimin and hobi. plus everyone kept thinking i was a tae stan with my taehob url.

following: 515

average amount of sleep: it varies from like 5-9 hrs

lucky number: ive always liked 9 but maybe thats bc it’s my day of birth

what am i wearing: honestly??? ...... a fuckin mini mouse pajama shirt with marvel pajama bottoms bc i didnt feel like looking through my clothes to find the matching piece of either set

dream job: successful poet / psychotherapist

dream trip: im easy to please and love to travel so like anywheres fine. though esp id like to travel to wherever my friends and mutuals are :( ♥

play any instruments: i can play piano, but i don’t claim i can play it well

fave song: i dont really have one, but dont worry be happy and dave matthews band version of cortez the killer have special places in my heart.

play any sport: wii sports (rly casual family games of volleyball and badminton is the closest ill ever get to playing sports)

hair colour: red rn, brown naturally

eye colour: hazel/green ?? it depends on who you ask tbh hazel seems to be a disputed eye color

most iconic song: the most iconic song of my childhood

language(s) you speak: english only bc im a dumb bitch who cant force herself to actually study

random fact: when i was like 10 i had a cousin in puerto rico who looked a lot like me but darker. ive never met her and tbh i still think about this like ... whats she look like now....

describe yourself as aesthetics: music coming from another room, sunlight on skin, wildflowers blowing in the breeze, telling ghost stories in the dark // lightning storms at night, sad words scribbled in odd places, sleeping close to the person you love, glow in the dark stars on the ceiling

tagging @agusth0e @crossroadswrite @izbelles @taetaez @honeystae @jooncafes @mygjhs @ktheaven @jijkooks @hibiscous @taehyunger @min-yungii @lesbianhoseok @selsouth if you wanna :)

#this was fun #♥ ♥ ♥#tag games

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looksalikes · 3 years

Text

Saturday jul 10 9:46 pm

things have been unsteady, and yet same as always. I’ve been suffering from panic attack, but they manifest closer to mood swings. angry outburst where i just project my anxiety onto the closest person and as always its usually hana or my parnets. i think hana detests me now. i dont really blame her. i guess you could argue that she could be more suppoprtive but its also unfair to put that burden to “fix me”. its like i can see myself being unfair and hurtful but im so overtaken by anger and pain i cant feel or act on anything but. its like i feel so intensely now or i dont feel anything at all.

maybe hana’s right. that this financial sercuitrty has made me more selfish. i just feel like a bad person who does nothing but pity myself. and add to the fact ive havent even achieved a real job, consistent clients or gotten any “experience” without the nepotism makes me feel awfully hollow. However its strange, the only “job” ive done without any help from my father was the only one ive truly enjoyed. it was working as a youth arts workshop teacher at an asian art center. it was truly the best summer of my life. perhaps the best time in my life. i was so happy, the only thing i dreaded was that it would have to end soon.

my love hate relatoinship with nyc makes me compare myself to everyone around me. i feel so ugly and unsucessful compared to even the laziest person here. speaking of ugly, its hard to look in the mirror these days without feel sad. i never really blossomed to anything worth looking at. and worst of all another misunderstanding happened during a haircut and now all my hair is gone. its fuckin mullet. which would be fine but its too short and with my wavy hair i look like a 12 year old boy at his bar mitzah. it looks like a mushroom.

lately it feels like my decision to killing myself at the end of the year its the only thought i feel relieved to have. i’m constantly paranoid of everyone around me. im almost convinced nobody likes my presence. and if they do it wont be for long. i think it comes from my self worth, in that i cant trust myself to validate my feelings so i assume the worst. i guess thats rather cowardly as im doing the disservice of my friends to not trust them and think of them capable of hurting. thats what i say to try to not fall into this kind of thinking. i read somewhere that some ppl have to should not operate on subtext:

“I have a rule: I do not respond to subtext. This includes guilt tripping, silent treatments, passive aggressive behavior, etc. I see it. I notice it. I even sometimes have to analyze it and take a deep breath and CHOOSE not to respond. Because whether it’s really there or just me over-reading things that actually don’t mean anything, the habit of lending credence to the part of me that sees danger in the wrong shift of body weight…that’s toxic for me. And dangerous to my relationships. The best thing I ever did for myself and my relationships was insist upon frank communication and a categorical denial of subtext. For some people this is a moral stance. For survivors of mentally unstable parents this is a requirement of recovery.“

while i dont share the same background as this person, i think i should follow a bit what this person says. i mean to an extent, but you know... not constantly fearing someone is plotting against me. when i mess up or look stupid its rather insignifigant and small to them, even if i am an important player in their life. (im sure hana does not care enough to hate me. well not that actively at least).

because people dont live for me, they choose live around me. and if they are around me then i should trust they would want to be with me. and if not then why bother spending so much time fretting over if and buts, when i should just live openly and freely. enjoy when good things are happening. expressively and infectiously.

i will end this entry on this promising statement and my intent is to feel this everyday.

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dreamerology · 7 years

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my biggest i love monsta x ever!!!!

no offence but if u had told me a year ago that these seven boys would have had this much of an impact on my life and not only that but i still love them as much now as i did on day one (maybe even more) i’d say u were lying. usually my interests come and go in phases and nothing has ever lasted as long as mx???? but i rly truly cannot imagine my life without them at this point. in fact, the 2-3 months at the very beginning of uni where i stopped having time for them and thought i was moving on were the worst of this year (ofc that wasn’t the only reason those months were hard, but feeling like i was falling out of love w mx hurt more than id care to admit). they’ve brought me so much happiness and connected me with so many amazing people and not 2 be cheesy but made me into a better person! like they just continue to have the biggest positive influence in my life and i got the opportunity to meet one of my best friends bc of them, i’ll forever be thankful for them

i know i havent been w mx since the beginnign but!!!! even just seeing shownu grow so much this year has made me sooooo happie!!!!!! i Love how u can just see he’s more comfortable now and seems a lot more at ease……..the fact that hes comfortable enough to host his own solo vlives and no offence but theres not a single thing i dont love abt that man! hes so fucking funny….like its sorta weird humor?? dad humor almost? BUT HES HONESTLY FUNNY WITHOUT EVEN TRYING hes just reached a point where he’s got no filter and will just say whatever and sometimes even the wording will make me laugh dkjfhkjsd the true underrated comedian of the group tbh. hes so selfless too bicht………….i still cant believe he split the money from his solo event w the other members My Heart :-((((((( and when hes on a solo schedule he’s always mentioning the others!!! nd doesnt let anyone forget abt them, they rly are one big family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALSO HIS SMILE is the cutest shit ive ever seen!!!!! like when he smiles rlllly big nd his eyes crinkle nd he :D and his big “ha ha ha” ,,,,music 2 my ears!!!!!!!! i wish he could be that happy forever. hes the biggest softest teddy bear i just wanna give him a giant hug???

fun fact wonho was the first member i knew abt nd was able to recognize nd such!! my friend who helped me get into mx talked abt him a lot so i grew to love him before i even knew the others!!! actually hes probably still the one i know the most abt bc of her? anyways! angels exist and wonho is living proof of that! his love for mbbs is on a whole other plane of existance???? ive never felt this loved nd appreciated as a fan before nd its all genuine!!!!!. wonho is a monbebebebe first and a monsta second. hes just so full of love….im convinced thats why hes so Large he needs to fit his heart in his body somehow...hes just got so much love to give!!!!!!! he is the most thoughtful and caring person??? like not even towards monbebes and his memebrs but like at the end of mxray when he made sure to buy all the staff and crew little gifts as well, my heart grew 3 sizes for him!!!!!! and im so soo soooooooooooooosososooo proud of him to have some of his songs on the albums this year and not only that but! from zero getting a stage on tv!!!!!! his song!!!! he did that!!!!!! his hard work paid off….i hope he continues to be able to produce more music this year! oh one last thing, i love how? childish he is??? idk if thats the right word but hes always teasing or changing or playing around w the other members and hes always being goofy and laughing and it just makes my heart!!!!! rly happy nd warm

what is there left 2 be said abt minhyuk that i havent already said yet jdfshkjdhf i just! Love Everything abt that boy :-((((((( i love his sunshiney positive personality that never fails to cheer me up, i love how caring he is and how he always makes sure to be there for his members and makes himself open for them, i love his uneven blink, i love how soft his voice is and how it sounds exactly how sunshine looks, i love his fingers go sorta crooked when he makes a peace sign, i love his laugh and how silly he is, i love his thoughtful and serious side, i love how smart he is, i love his toothy smile, i love when hes on stage and he looks so radiant and glowing and u can see how happy he is and how he was truly built to shine, i love his ears, i love how affectionate and loving he is, i love his one (1) dimple, i love how sometimes he just says the weirdest shit…...like i rly wanna understand what hes thinking sometimes, i love how cute he looks wearing hats or how soft he looks in giant sweaters, i love him sooooooo much my heart hurts

can u believe i didn’t used to love kihyun this much? past me was a whole fool! i’ll try to keep this one sorta short too since i’ve already written a love essay for him but! once again i rly do love him w my whole heart!!!!!! absolutely Everything he does is so endearing and i loooove how he cares so much….he rly went and made us our own season's greeting for free nd his photography is rly No Joke! hes so talented nd u can rly see how passionate he is abt it!!!!! it makes me so so happy seeing him talk abt it, like he just lights up its the best thing ive ever seen. i Love his smile!!!! when his face scrunches up and u can see the little dimples on his cheeks and see all his teeth and he laughs and throws his head back or hits whoever’s closest to him or just collapses thats Good Shit!!!!!!!! im so glad he’s happy enough to be able to smile like that!!!!!!! it makes my heart tingle thinking abt him being happy. he rly is the cutest, i love him nd all his beauty marks :D !! nd no offense but hes never had a bad hair colour/style nd thats the tea on that!

chae hyungwon 2018’s lord nd saviour????????? anyways its about Damn Time i write him a love essay :-((((( having both best friends being hyungwon biased ive secretly been converted 2 a whole chaebebe….their love rubbed off on me!!! i love it :D idk where to start...gosh hes seriously so hardworking????? im soooooo so soo so proud of him!!! icb he picked up djing as a hobby nd then made it to a big festival, is on mix and the city and has released not one but two (2) songs only months later!!!!!!!!! we love a talented man!!!!!!! nd his dancing bichksjdfhsdj hes so fluid nd smooth when he dances…...i always find myself watching him first in group practices like there something rly captivating abt him?? please let him show us more of his dancing its So Good. also hes got the nicest voice…...its so deep wtf...but like its So Calming 2 listen to? especially when hes sleepy nd its extra raspy? Good Shit! and when he sings!!!!!!!! bicshjkdfhksdhj hes got one of my fave vocal voices i rly wish he got the lines he deserves :((( hes! So! Cute! jfhsdjfhs he gets embarrassed so easily and always makes the goofiest faces but i love it….he covers his smile sometimes too :-((( i wish he wouldnt its So Bright nd cute nd warm just like he is!!!! hyungwon’s smile is the 8th wonder of the world thats just the facts folks!

mister jooheon……….the true example of the duality of man. i dont understand how he can go from his scaredy cat self to and Actual God,,,blows my mind. i’m pretty sure i’ve said this at least a hundred times but his stage presence is truly Unreal……..its on a whole other level…….ive never seen them live but if i ever do i fear for my life. nd i know once it’s over im only gonna know one (1) man and that man is lee jooheon. but at the same time hes rly The Cutest id trust him w my life???? his eyes are so warm!!!!!! And his Big Smile!!!!!!!!!!! his dimples? deeper than the marianas trench, i wanna build my home in them nd raise my family there. hes such a talented dude!!!! mx don’t have a single bad song thenks jooheon! also for the first couple months i’d alway forget he was one of the youngest? like hes very mature too nd seems very responsible djfhkjsdhfjsd idk how he was the only one 2 be able to keep it together during their first win 2 give the speech…..hes so strong. i love him so much :-( hes so cute nd gentle nd thoughtful...truly the biggest angel who deserves the world!!!!!!!!!!

i think if there's any member i would actually get along best w it would b changkyun. we’re both rly similar from what i can tell...like sorta quiet, but loud around those we’re comfortable with!!! first off hes so funny nd…..weird but like in a good way sdjfhksdjhf sometimes i rly just think he says the first thing that comes to his mind “actually we have a baby” ????? who let him \…..he always makes me laugh reading his fansign notes too omg that being said hes also one of the most serious members at times i feel like. hes just got this rly mature vibe nd he handles things rly well??? idk if that makes sense but Yeah. he’s just someone who’s not rly afraid 2 be themselves, i wish that were me??? ive got so much to learn from them. also icb he literally invented being cute???? he doesn't even have 2 try hes just adorable!!!!!! like his laugh nd smile? The Best!!!!! and when u can see his lil dimples yeahhhhh hes sooo super sweet and cheesy. i looooove how close hes gotten w the other members despite their rough start, they rly are a family nd im glad hes comfortable around them it rly warms my heart!!!!! whenever hes getting showered in love my heart !!!!!!! its what he deserves!

on that note, the one thing i think that has stayed with me more than anything is that one fansign note where ck was asked how he wants to be remembered in the future, when they only occasionally thought abt him and his answer was “that i gave you happiness” and not 2 b a sentimental shit but fuck! i cry every time i think abt that!!!!!!! bc i Know there’s gonna come a day where i don’t think abt them at all! there’s gonna be a day where i won’t think abt them until i see something that jogs my memory and jolts me back to this time and even tho this year has been rough i know i always will remember how much happiness they’ve brought me. i’ll remember how they were able to cheer me up when nothing else worked. i hope one day i’ll be able to feel the Pure Joy i felt when they got their first win….i’ve never felt anything like that before. i cant wait to be able to look back in nostalgia at all the happiness they’ve brought me.

anyways that got real sappy towards the end i gotta blast now bye!

#dont feel like u gotta read this im just yelling 2 the void djkfhsjdhf #its rly long nd a lot of text but i wanted 2 write something nd it got sorta out of hand #i say 2k later kdjhfsjhfkjsd #long post /#IM SO SORRY IF UR ON MOBILE AND THE READ MORE DOESNT WORK #lu.txt #for those who are wondering why its real ass emobebe hours its bc its my 1 year stanning mx and im a Giant Sap #now im gonna shut up and not talk for the rest of the year ://

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smilesandcurls · 7 years

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09 October, 2017

So I fell off the wagon, didnt remember to write about my weekend. I've decided to put a reminder on my phone to do my entries into my new "journal", life journey. Because, it only dawned on me this morning how much I need this to work, and more importantly work effectively.

My subconscious, coinciding with my body lets me know when something is wrong, I've come to realize. I was irritable all day today; sweaty palms and just a general uneasiness and unfocused throughout. Throughout the day, my primary thoughts was my if its a gd idea to have my therapy/counselling ever restarting is something I'd like to do, how's my baby sister ( who's actually 17 years old ) and my mother getting into it, this threesome idea my boyfriend is pushing and my closest friends Kenlyn, Keane and Jerry, and, ofc my severed relationship with people who used to be dearest to my person, my twin sister Alisha and Yokell, who used to be one of my BEST FRIENDS and maybe even an unproclaimed lover a few years back. Ive also been thinking about doing a nude photoshoot, oh, and of course this peculiar and honestly totally unnecessary "relationship", or lack thereof, with a girl by the name of........ We'd just call her Kay. These ideas seemed to plague me of recent days for you obvious reasons.

Therapy/counselling and I have a "comme ce comme ca" type of relationship. For those of you who may read this and isn't aware of what that means, it means "so so" in French. I've never seen the used for it as I was under the impression it was unneeded and counterproductive. I also have a lot of bad connotations and memories related to such. Personally, I've looked at it from all angles and as much as I think because I'm now, finally, open to it it may work, however the universe is trying to tell me something; every time I've scheduled an appointment for the past month something goes wrong, usually with my therapist and/or her family, and we have to reschedule. Since the month began I haven't been to session, however, I was doing peer counselling with some old friends for two months prior to moving into a more personal setting and I must say, it did help. I don't know if its the fact that I was speaking to a friend or someone I looked up to that took the pressure off my thoughts and opinions, or if it just felt like I could finally find genuine Guidance and objectiveness but I did open up a bit, mostly about my relationship with my boyfriend, which was falling apart at the time and about my relationship with my mother. Until those session, I wasn't aware that my relationship with my mother and my boyfriend became synonymous. My first thoughts about restarting is what about journalling my thoughts and experiences and I have, maybe, 2 session a month OR maybe I should just continue peer conselling maybe now, with my actual best friends and not persue personal counselling at all. Having two session a month may be best in my opinion as I would have already thought things through and I'd have another party to either validate my thoughts or show me where my thought pattern may be unhealthy and wrong. Someone who would allow me the space I need to feel and think through issues without the pressure of immediately finding a solution, which was a large issue my boyfriend and I had until recent. I truly feel like I'm at a place where in capable of dealing with my issues mostly in my own, with the help of someone to help navigate my thoughts and feelings until I'm capable of doing both on my own, if the day would ever come.

My mother and baby sister have had a pretty wishy washy, mostly the latter, for as far as I could remember. She was never "a favourite" of my mother's, they rarely ever agreed on the same things and their attitudes towards each other is, and always has been truly disgusting. However, as of recent years, its truly gotten worse, which I never thought would happen because of primarily two reasons, my mother is an adulterous whore and she doesnt pay much, if any attention to Azariah at all. Let me first say, my mother, according to many therapists and research of done via the internet and her mental medical history, has a personality disorder. Which one or two or more, is up for debate. Personally, I believe she may have split personalities with acute bipolarism and she may even be schizophrenic. So, truly, I've come to realize,many times, her actions and what she says isn't her own fault. My mother has struggled with relationships since her and my father got divorced and has since self sabotaged many if not all of her relationships since then. And this relationship, she has had with my "stepfather" for the past 8-10 years have been no different. She's cheated on him with multiple men, and she hasn't been able to ever trust him fully since they've been together. Their relationship falling apart wasn't entirely her fault, as he was always absent, and dismissive. They've recently called it quits and since then our family has basically fallen apart. I, however, am grateful for this as it has caused my biological father and I to become closer and maybe even mend a bit of our issues and my mother and I have also reconciled our broken relationship. Azariah hasn't been able to do this with either of our parents, she hasnt entirely emotionally developed over the years and truly isn't capable of reconciliation due to this. This also serves as the reason why she hasn't been able to forgive my mother for her failed relationship with our "stepfather", whom, if I didnt mentioned, she's very fond of and quite literally refers and thinks of him as our one ans only father figure. She's extremely attached to him and has taken his side in the breakup, being even more volatile to mom. Because of this, she now lives with my twin sister Alisha, who eeveryone knows is a bad influence on her. We were trying to get her to live with me but because of my "alliance" with my parents she's being resistant which is making this process of custody a lot harder and emotionally draining on myself. Everything is extremely hazy with everyone's relationships within out strange family as of recent apart from my relationships with everyone, with the exception of Alisha and my "stepfather". I have generally good relationships with everyone, communication wise anyway. Maybe its best if they don't speak to each other in depth until she's healed herself from the many years of neglect and miscommunication with mom because its proving to be toxic, their conversations that is, as of now.

This threesome. God help me. My boyfriend has been pushing this as of recent, for the second time. Maybe its because we're "okay"/ "better" now that he thinks its okay to bring this back up again but I'm not ready for this yet. Right now, I'm just healing, or trying to anyway, from the hurt of the past few months between him and I, also, from the rest of my life with my parents. I've put everything and everyone's wants and needs before my own and thanks to him and counseling I've realized I need to put my needs first for a while to be the best version of myself I can be. I feel dismissed by him bringing this up again, it just feels very selfish for him to do this at this point. I should mention, him and I are in an open relationship so I'm sure the next thing I say would come as a shock to you all now, but my thoughts are, if he wants a threesome so badly, he could rounds up some other bitches and leave me out until I'm ready to move forward with this idea. Granted, I did entertain this idea previously because I did want to please him and at that point I felt like it was the only way I could think of but I'm thinking of me now and that's not gd for me at this point. I'd never stop him from doing what he truly desires so I understand if he chooses to move forward with it but at thus point, I'm not open to this idea until I've healed from the emotional and psychological abuse of the past few months with him.

Truly, one of the greatest joys in my life are my amazing friends who've stood with me since we've formed these unions. There's honestly not much I could say on this other than. I love them and I truly do need to be better people and friends to/for them. Especially Keane, my truest companion. I truly would more than likely be anorexic and maybe even insane without him. I owe him EVERYTHING I am and have. Not to discredit ANYTHING my boyfriend has done for me, because without him I'd also be much worse, psychologically weak being the main thing. My boyfriend has done everything I could ask, and more of any partner I've ever had and I'll more than like continue to live my life trying to repay him in anyway I can, which is, as I've realized extremely unhealthy thinking, which is why we ended up with so many issues in the first place. He is truly the most extraordinary person in my life without a doubt but he/we have our kinks as any other couple does. My friends deserve nothing less than the best, regardless of if thats me or someone else and I truly hope that if its not me they go out and find it regardless of if it hurts me or not. And that also goes for my boyfriend.

Alisha and Yokell. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss them as much as I love them. Alisha, my twin sister, and I haven't seen eye to eye or even been friends for about 5 years now. She's had two children and is only 19 and I haven't been able to accept this of her to this day, which, more than likely, is half of the anger I have towards her. She was in an abusive relationship for about 4 out of the 5 years her and I have had issues. In my opinion, she's a younger version of my mother, minus the adulterous whore part. Ive made my peace with our relationship never reconciling and even the fact that she may never be grateful to me for all I've done for her growing up. I've extended my hand to her on numerous occasions to fix things but I do think its for the best that we don't have a relationship. Its only going to be filled with animosity. Yokell on the other hand, my unproclaimed lover, as I've mentioned him prior, don't have a relationship anymore due to the fact that he was/is madly in love with me and I'm in love with someone else, my boyfriend who's a friend of his for years prior to my knowing either of them. The issue at hand is ever since he essentially asked me to choose between him and my boyfriend he's been terrible depressed, according to popular belief of course, and is terribly reclusive. I've been struggling to accept that thus is no fault of mine but I do believe I am responsible. Maybe if I'd told him I had feelings for him when I first discovered them things would be better, maybe if we actually had a conversation about everything or even just try to figure what is neat for us both we wouldn't be here. I truly believe I neglected him and the entire situation as I never really reached out to him past that "ultimatum" he gave me out of respect for my current romantic relationship. I've been trying to figure out if I should try to be a better/bigger presence in his life but there truly is nothing I can do really other than be in skl more often or message more and hope he responds. Unfortunately I don't know if I'm even prepared to do this at this particular point in my life.

I honestly wasn't happy with myself or my body until I started modeling, hence the thought of a nude shoot being considered. A final step to acceptance of myself in every flaw and imperfection I may have. I've already ran the idea by my boyfriend, who has yet to respond, and I'm ready for this to happen but I won't do it if he's uncomfortable but I do truly want to do this. This isn't only for my exterior but for my mental and psychological health. I've grown tremendously over the past few years and I'm proud of where I am. I'm in the right environment to go only up from here in every aspect of my life and I'm proud of myself.

My boyfriend had this odd encounter with Kay a few months into our relationship in that she was throwing her at at him and when he was about to act on it she pulled out and freaked out because not only did she have a boyfriend but she saw me as a friend. Ever since then she's totally avoided me until, I'm guessing, she made peace with it with her partner and herself, and has yet been being excessively "buddy buddy" with me as if nothing happened. I truly am not upset the situation itself,between her and my boyfriend, however, you CANNOT play me like that. LEAVE ME OUT OF THE SITUATION. DO NOT TRY TO BE FRIENDS WITH ME AFTER YOU WERE BEING FRAUDULENT. Anyway, I've been battling with myself and my boyfriend as to if I should "make and issue" of it or not. I'm truly fed up of her constantly trying to push a friendship with me. Its getting old and I'm losing my cool. I'd rather she just leave me alone and pass me like a bus but she isn't facilitating this and all I'm left with is being abrasive and rude towards her. I wished someone would just speak to her before I do because it would be nasty. I've thought maybe I'm over reacting, which I possibly am, but, I'm at my wits end and I'm truly not too sure how much longer I can keep this up.

In conclusion, I've realized based on today I've become much better dealing with my anxiety as I didn't reach for my anti anxiety meds during the day. However I did find another way to deal with these issues, I surrounded myself with friends and activities throughout the day, especially after work. I went to a football game, I had a friend over with my room mates of course, always showering me with affection and we played cards and watched movies until really late. I couldn't sleep well however, which is something I need to work on

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