#like that was genuinely one of the lowest points of my life already and he made it so much worse

[heybaetae]

.

[cinephobia]

Remembered once my dad was mean to me because I got an extra slice of cheese for dinner once in 2020 and now I'm violently sobbing in my room at 1am

[kerink]

the thing that's been most surprising to me with mouthwashing so far is how little empathy people are willing to extend to curly. and i don't mean this in a piss on the poor way, i'm deeply saddened and genuinely confused by it.

when i first played the game i was at one of the lowest points i've been at in a really long time. my mental health is bad my physical health is bad. i experienced SA a year ago and was recently diagnosed with cancer. i have 2-5 doctors appointments every week with various specialists.

all the while me and two of my doctors are talking about if i need to make a career change that's going to best support my poor health and improve my overall well being. and my family and friends struggle to understand, because i have a doctorate and a good job and live on my own. everyone looks at my life in awe, and they don't understand why i'm unhappy. they tell me so every time i try to explain it.

so when i played i immediately identified with curly. here is a man who's deeply depressed, having hallucinations, trying to reach out to his best friend for support but just has his words thrown back in his face, doesn't want to burden anya with his stuff because she has her own stuff and he wants her to lean on him, he has all these responsibilities and people look up to him and rely on him and have these ideas about him. the highest wrung of their ladder is the lowest of his, and they have no way of conceptualizing why or how he's unhappy and dissatisfied. before the reveal that he's innocent, i completely understood why he attempted suicide.

and then he develops a new disability.

when jimmy goes to crash the ship, he uses curly's unhappiness to try to convince him a murder-suicide is a good idea, and it works. it buys jimmy enough time to get to the cockpit and crash the ship. curly's too in his own head to realize what jimmy meant because jimmy distracted him with how bad his life is. it isn't until the sirens start that curly snaps out of it and it clicks for him what jimmy's done.

i'm not going to re-litigate the issue about if curly could have done more for anya because i've said pretty much all i have to say on it already.

but we really need to highlight that in addition to his lack of tangible choices, he's sleep deprived, deeply depressed, and hallucinating. this is not a man in his right mind making his best choices.

and over and over again i see people refusing to extend him any empathy, to call him a bystander. does a man who says he'll do anything to help and who wanted to be there when anya broke the news and who does his best to play liaison between anya and jimmy sound like a bystander? he let anya keep the gun case! he knew having it would help her feel better!

how good of a friend have you been when you were in your pit of despair? how much were you able to pour into others when your glass was empty?

anya wanted her and curly's support to be reciprocal. if she has enough psych training to do the evals, and having been thru nursing school, she's probably well aware that she and curly need to both be pouring into each other if either of them are going to be any good to anyone. but curly is so determined to defend and protect anya he won't confide in her, despite the fact it's running him so thin that he almost takes jimmy's bait that suicide is a good idea.

i don't think we need to absolve curly of his responsibility. i don't think we should over look his role as an enabler. i don't think we should discredit or discount analyses of his failures. but i'm so tired of people actively avoiding getting in his shoes, getting in his head, reflecting on how they've acted in the past when thinking and feeling similar ways. our worst moments don't make us monsters.

it makes me so sad. and frankly it makes me feel like all the times my family hasn't understood when i've tried to reach out. curly is screaming in agony and just like jimmy we're just trying to keep him quiet because it's too complicated to deal with.

[princessoflalaland]

so y'all know the sick man from lady k and the sick man? well, i've only read that thing one time, and im not afraid to admit how unhealthily infatuated i am with lady k's man. he's literlaly my favorite flavor of man: older, kind of a deadbeat with a good heart, can and literally wil fuck you from sun up to sun down, built like a greek god, he. is. PACKIN, looks half dead, a genuine sweetheart with his lover's best interest in mind. i think his name is tostumoto yuushi, and lemme just say that i would gladly, GLADLY, take lady k's place if it means i get to breathe that man's air for even a second.

just imagine you've known tostumoto yuushi since maybe high school, having even dated him at one point. you two experimented with your bodies, tested the waters of intimacy because who better to do that with than someone you love. adversely though, life managed to drift you two apart for a few years. when you two reconnect it's a dingy casino. by that time, he's already jumped from job to job, left a recent custodian gig, and gambled most of his savings. he's on the verge of eviction and feels like he's at his lowest. the only thing he truly feels is his undying sex drive, which isn't much in the face of everything. the flame between you two rekindles as quickly as it did all those years ago, and before you know it, you're back at your apartment with his tired face nestled between your thighs.

"forgot how good you tasted, baby, fuck.." he rasps, his tongue dragging hastily over your clit, making your legs quiver and close around his head. your fingers yank at his dark hair, incoherent babbles falling from your moist lips. "yuushi," you mewl helplessly, your sensitive core constantly leaking your essence into his greedy mouth. "'m gonna cum again, s-slow down, nghhn.." he leers up at you, his eyes dark pools of lust burning holes into you. "do it, cum in my fuckin mouth."

and you do. the pressure in your gut is far more intense than what it usually is, and as you achieve your third orgasm of the night, you squirt onto yuushi's face, leaving him glistening with your release. he licks whatever landed on his lip and rises so that his large body is hovering over where yours lays sprawled on the couch, the look in his eyes makes your core pulse. "c'mon, be a good girl and clean me up."

i'm probably gonna write something abt him one of these days :')

[glitterfairy-21225]

Honestly, I like that we’re only now seeing Demetri feed into anger and make decisions he’ll probably regret later. Now, after Hawk has already had his redemption arc and rejected Cobra Kai’s ideology. I don’t think any sane viewer would have blamed him for going a little dark after Hawk broke his arm, but he didn’t. In fact, Demetri forgave Hawk extremely easily. He’s better than me, I don’t think most people would be willing to look past that so quickly.

So why now? Why does MIT hurt more than all the far worse stuff Eli did when he was in Cobra Kai?

Demetri has been learning Miyagi Do since s2. Before that, he disliked Cobra Kai’s way of doing things and only really clicked with karate when he was taught balance and self defense. Demetri is probably behind Sam and Anthony as the teen character with the least amount of experience in Cobra Kai.

But there’s a reason all the adult characters keep talking about balance. It can’t just be either all rage or all forgiveness. I can imagine Demetri harboring some pent up resentment over Hawk’s actions, buried so deep he doesn’t even realize it’s there until they have another fight.

And this time, it’s not Kreese’s brainwashing. It’s not that his best friend was angry about their lots in life and lashed out to extreme extents. There’s not a greater bad guy to point at behind Hawk, there’s not even really a bad guy. They’ve just been through a lot and they’re different people than they were when they first picked a college. Eli is telling him, “You’re my best friend but we’re never going back to how we used to be. We cannot go back and I’m not sure I want the same future as you.”

And this is after Demetri gets his best friend back. Apart from everything with Silver and Kreese, his life is going relatively uphill; Eli is good again, they have plenty of other friends, he’s dating Yasmine, and he’s learnt karate. Other than his friends’ success, he really isn’t looking for more than to preserve what he’s already gained. Losing MIT with Eli is a curveball he didn’t expect, just another thing he’s supposed to accept and move on from, and it happens when Demetri thinks he’s found security.

And then there Demetri’s motivation for wanting to compete in the Sekai Taikai. It’s not ambition. Demetri already got what he wanted out of Miyagi Do, he knows how to defend himself. In past seasons, he stayed because there was safety in numbers and of course he was against Cobra Kai. But now that Kreese is out of the valley, Demetri is still with the dojo because all his friends are there and he has developed a genuine enjoyment of martial arts. He doesn’t really want more. He says multiple times that he’s okay if where he’s at is the farthest he’ll go in terms of karate.

Demetri is comfortable being a side character. He doesn’t think he’ll ever outdo the core four or Hawk so he doesn’t see a point in trying. He wants to ride out the rest of his senior year with the dojo and then go to MIT, where he’ll do what he’s always been good at, where he might actually excel.

And Yasmine calls him out on this. They bonded when they were both at their lowest and she dated him while Demetri was helping the fight against Cobra Kai. She does not want him to throw in the towel too early and grow stagnant.

So, at first, Demetri really trains and tries his best to get picked for the Sekai Taikai to please her. But then Hawk tells him he’s unsure about MIT, and, “You chose my path?!” There was such genuine hurt in his voice, but Demetri could never hurt Hawk as much as Hawk hurt him. And Barnes said you have to be ruthless to get into the Sekai Taikai, yet Hawk showed him mercy, which Demetri exploits.

Demetri is clearly unsure of his actions when he takes the flag and runs. He seriously considers helping his best friend up. But when Eli decided to be selfish, he did so much damage, so why can’t Demetri be selfish this one time? Why can’t he lash out and take the victory he wants at the other’s expense? It’s not like he does anything worse than what Hawk’s done to him?

Sometimes you just need to hash it out and make up. It’s why Sam and Tory couldn’t spar properly after becoming friends; they realized they liked each other so they didn’t address their baggage. But because they didn’t, they felt at risk of falling into bad habits whenever the past finally did catch up to them. But they talked it out, they apologized for the things they regret, they brought up lingering resentments. Demetri wanted his best friend back so he forgave too easily, and now that they’re fighting again, so much past hurt is being brought to the surface.

Now that Cobra Kai is out of the valley, Demetri has started falling back to old habits. It’s been noted that he does most of the talking on Eli’s behalf in the early episodes of s6, his resignation about the Sekai Taikai reminds me a lot about his apathy towards high school in s1, and he assumes they’ll still go through with the college plans they made before their falling out. I do think Demetri genuinely wanted to be a part of the tournament but resigned himself after the team number was announced. When Hawk came clean about applying to MIT, Demetri finally decided to take more.

The show is about balance, it’s about finding a middle ground between defense and offense, Daniel and Johnny. I don’t think Demetri is gonna have a full blown villain arc or join Kreese or anything overly dramatic (we’re already getting that with Tory). He’s been loyal to Miyagi Do for too long. But that’s kind of the issue, he never fully let himself get angry at Hawk, and this is the result. Like Johnny said about Tory, if it takes a fight to process all your emotions, then fight, because holding it in will only make everything uglier.

[planetkiimchi]

the first drops of rain | k.mg

summary — mingyu's your first love. your first date with him could be described as fairytale like, at least until it begins raining. even then, maybe the rain is a paid actor, teaching you to slow down in your fast-paced student life.

featuring: mingyu x gn!reader, highschool au

word count: 2729 words

a/n: first seventeen work! kinda thought my first svt work would be seokmin or minghao but HAHA we’re here instead with a mingyu work. it’s based off a very precious memory of mine, and i felt like mingyu’s personality was the most similar to the guy i went out with <3

mingyu: we’re meeting at the start of the trail at 9, right?

You react to his message with a thumbs up, pulling up your shoes and glancing outside. The start of the trail is only a few hundred metres away from your house, so you’re not in a rush.

Mingyu asked you out on this date a few months ago, but you were overseas during the winter break, and weren’t able to go out with him. After a few months of discussing where to go, you finally settled on going cycling with him.

The sun rose quite a while ago, and the temperature is rather warm, but you figure that it’ll all be fine.

You check the time again and head downstairs, cycling over to the subway station to meet Mingyu.

You’re a few minutes late, so you expect to see Mingyu waiting there when you arrive, an apology already on the tip of your tongue, but you’re surprised when he’s not.

In fact, you have to wait another ten minutes before he finally arrives, a little out of breath and completely lost, without a bicycle. He smiles sheepishly at you, tucking his hands into his pockets.

He mumbles a “sorry”, curly hair falling in his eyes as he looks earnestly at you, shoulders raised in his nervousness.

Your annoyance at his tardiness dissipates once you see him in this state, genuinely apologetic and well-meaning. You let a soft sigh escape your lips. It’s okay.

Mingyu raises his phone and hesitantly says he needs to pick up his bike.

You’re about to reply when an old lady comes up to you, one hand clutching her grocery stroller. She politely asks if you know where the Flower Market is?

You nod. It’s right next to your apartment block, and you often go there to buy groceries yourself. You point the lady in the direction of the market, turning back to Mingyu.

Once again, before you can speak, Mingyu jerks his head at the stairs that the old lady has to climb up to get out of the subway station and onto the pavement. She lifts up the grocery stroller, and you rush to help her with it.

She smiles at you. Thank you.

You smile back. No problem.

Tilting your head towards the stairs, you beckon Mingyu to follow. The bicycles are located at the lowest level of the apartment block directly opposite yours, so you’re heading in the same direction as the lady anyway.

Once you’ve helped the old lady get her stroller up to the top of the stairs, you wave goodbye to her, prepared to head back down the flight of stairs to get your bicycle.

Fortunately for you, you don’t have to. Mingyu holds your bicycle in his hands, setting it down at the top of the stairs, and your heart warms, just a little.

It takes a longer time to figure out how the bike sharing system works than you thought it would. Mingyu scans the QR code on the back of the bicycle, frowning as he navigates the app, trying to figure out how the payment works. You stand to the side, holding on to your bicycle’s handlebars, watching his eyebrows knit themselves into a knot, before the wrinkles in his forehead slowly iron out when he finally gets the app to work.

All set? you ask.

Mingyu nods. All set.

You climb onto your bicycle, eager to head off, and Mingyu follows behind.

With the sun beating down on your backs, the two of you start off on the trail, figuring out a pace that works for both of you. You haven’t cycled in a long time, and you can’t go too slow, or you’ll be too unsteady for both of you to ride side-by-side on the narrow path.

The greenery on both sides of the trail helps to keep the temperature down, and you’re grateful for the shade it provides in the heat of summer. Next to you, Mingyu asks how school has been. You reply with one of those blasé “school is good” type of answers, but he doesn’t accept that.

Mingyu keeps prodding.

And, with your feet pedalling hard underneath you and the glare of the blue sky overhead, you find yourself opening up.

It’s started drizzling slightly when you reach the bicycle racks, so you chain your bicycles up and head to the nearby subway station to seek shelter. While you’re standing there, you ask Mingyu where he wants to go.

Originally, you wanted to go to watch a movie, but since the date was so impromptu, you didn’t check the movie timings out beforehand, so now you realise that none of the timings are convenient for you.

It’s fine, Mingyu insists. He’ll figure something out.

It doesn’t take long before he’s dragging you down another path you didn’t notice earlier, one that leads to a train station that’s no longer in use. Two carriages of the trains are left on the tracks as a memorial to the old train station, and despite the red tape covering the doors, Mingyu climbs up into the carriage.

You’re standing on the edges of the train tracks, watching him grin at you from inside. He leaps from the seat with a yelp, almost knocking his head, and he quickly exits the carriage.

What’s wrong? you ask.

He lifts his hand to show you that the seat was wet.

You laugh whole-heartedly and he pouts, but the joy in his eyes betrays him. His poorly-concealed excitement only grows when he looks ahead to see a bridge, breaking out into a run towards it.

You attempt to follow him, still balancing on the edges of the train tracks, quickly giving up when he doesn’t show any signs of waiting for you.

He turns around at the start of the bridge, and you grin at him as you step up onto the train tracks. He steps onto the edge next to yours, your feet moving in sync along those parallel metal lines drawn across the wooden tiles, his arms waving wildly as he fails to keep his balance.

Mingyu shakes his head out when he’s fallen three times, running his hand through his hair, glancing at you with the widest smile you’ve ever seen.

Your sunshine. That’s what he is, walking alongside you as you tread across the train tracks, hands carefully tucked into his pockets, watching your every step.

He speeds up when you hop off the tracks, and you follow him into a neighbourhood with two-story houses. Plants line the sidewalks, with overgrown creepers crawling up the walls and trees overhead shading you from the sun.

He points at the sign and tells you he came here once before, after his mother scolded him. It’s dangerously close to his home, a place that contains memories you can’t be a part of, a place you’re not sure you’re ready to intrude into.

You do anyway.

Mingyu leads you to the playground he’s only been to once before, when he was running away from his mother, and you pass by the empty basketball court.

You love basketball, you tell him, your steps slowing down. He whirls on his heel, looking up at the hoops, shading his eyes from the sun with his hand. Really?

Really, you say. You tell him how you used to play basketball during your half-hour long recess in elementary school instead of eating. Even though you were really bad and only played with a group of 5-6 other friends, it was still fun.

He understands.

You teach him how to climb onto the roof of the playground, your hands and feet making holds out of the railings and slides. You show him a view of the world that you loved as a kid, a view that makes you feel like you’re on top of the world. Like you’re unbeatable, invincible, and that the moment will last forever.

Slithering off the roof, you discreetly pull out your phone, but Mingyu spots you quickly enough. Don't film me, he pouts, eyebrows in a knot as his foot staggers around for a foothold.

You laugh and keep your camera pointed at him.

He hops down—ungracefully, you’d like to add; you think you were pretty graceful when jumping down yourself—and beckons you over with his hand.

Mingyu leads you to a sheltered area where the playground floor and gravel gives way to grass and soil, the trees overhead casting so much shade you get the impression that you’re in a rainforest. You can barely see past the crowns of the trees to the sky, which you’re sure is a shade of blue-grey. You can tell that it’s not raining, or the playground would be getting wet, but it isn’t quite sunny yet either.

The creak of a red swing brings your attention back to Mingyu. He smiles at you in warm invitation, and you take it, stepping up onto the swing. Your legs are on the left of his, your knees a fist’s width away from his. Opposite you, Mingyu lifts his eyes to yours and begins to speak.

How’s school, how’s life, how’s that toxic friend group in your dance club? he asks.

Stressful, interesting, shitty as ever, you reply.

He asks things like why, tell me more, is that leadership position working out for you?

You reply with much longer answers than you thought you would. The words flow from you like air leaking from a balloon with a hole. There’s so much pent-up frustration, bottled-up confusion, anxiety, envy, and even sadness you didn’t notice you were suppressing. They find their way out of your mouth in words you're surprised are coherent enough for him to understand, but somehow he manages it.

You’re not the only one telling stories, though. You ask Mingyu questions too, stuff like how’s being drama club president, do you like your juniors, what do you want to do at university?

And he, too, replies with amazing, I love them, I don't know but I’d like to be a counsellor someday.

And you learn.

From his smiles and nervous fidgeting and “um”s, you learn that he’s nervous. From the way he leans forward to talk to you and nods when you speak, you learn that his interest in you is genuine. From the tone of his voice and the smile in his eyes, you learn about his habits of joy and excitement. You pick apart his every move to learn something from it, absorbing a little more knowledge about him each time.

An hour or two passes. As it starts to drizzle again and lunch hour approaches, Mingyu gets up from the swing, not forgetting to hold it while you step off, and goes to the bench to get his tote bag before his things are drenched in the rain.

With a hand above your heads shielding you from the drizzle, the two of you half run-half walk to the mall nearby for lunch, raucous laughter echoing in your ears.

Mingyu offers to pay for your lunch thrice, and you refuse each time, reluctant to let him take money out of his allowance to pay for your meal. He insists you should let him pay for it, telling you that his father will give him more money. Still, you decline.

When he goes to visit the restroom, you quickly take your chance to buy your food before he gets back.

You take a seat successfully and wait for him to return, and he does—not without him trying to slide the bill into your bag first. After a while, he finally gives in, and the two of you settle down for lunch.

Lunch ends at around the same time the sky clears, and the two of you are rushing to climb onto your bicycles and leave before the rain starts up again. The weather has been unpredictable that morning, and you’re unwilling to take your chances. Instead of lingering around the mall, you’re unlocking your bicycle, fiddling with the stubborn lock, and Mingyu waits patiently beside you.

All set? he asks for the second time that day.

You reply the same way, All set.

Then you’re off, legs pedalling furiously, your balance miles better when you’re moving fast. In the morning, you had to keep swerving to avoid knocking into Mingyu at the slow pace you were going, but now you’re just trying to get home before it rains again. Your curfew is pretty early, and if you dally any longer, you’re definitely going to get an earful when you’re home.

Mingyu easily keeps pace with you, following your lead. From time to time, he’ll catch up and ride beside you for a stretch, and then you’ll pedal faster and he’ll fall behind again.

You feel the drizzle beginning when you ring your bell, bypassing yet another jogger on the trail. Cursing, you pick up speed, and Mingyu doesn’t question you as he follows behind.

The rain grows heavier more quickly than you’d expected, and soon there’s a steady stream of water raining down. You wipe futilely at your forehead from time to time, glasses sprayed with raindrops, and Mingyu calls out after you, laughing.

I’m not supposed to cycle in the rain, you tell him. My mum is going to kill me!

He seems to get it, but when you seek shelter under an overhead bridge to wipe your face with the remaining dry part of your T-shirt, he’s laughing at you.

You roll your eyes and point out the bits of water on his face, but he shrugs. You’re going to be cycling through the rain again anyway, so he doesn’t see the need to dry his face.

You clench your jaw, resolved to get home as soon as possible. The two of you climb back onto the bicycle, and start cycling home.

As if trying to deliberately annoy you, the downpour only gets heavier on your way home. It keeps coming down, and you fight to keep your balance and not skid on the watery path. You’re forced to slow down a little, your legs no longer pedalling as fast.

Your anxious heart begins to slow, and Mingyu's calm, sure voice carries over to you, despite the rain falling steadily around you. The sun is still high in the sky, and you wonder if there'll be a rainbow. That would be befitting for Mingyu, you think.

The whole way back, your mind is occupied by Mingyu's questions, his curiosity warming your heart. He genuinely cares about you, and this care distracts you from your fear of reaching home late. All thoughts of what your mother will say go out the window, until he's returned his bicycle and you've parked yours near the subway station, heading to the toilet to change into a new, dry shirt.

Mingyu didn't think to bring change, so he waits for you outside. He offers to help carry your bag, but you insist you can do it yourself. Just the thought that he's there, waiting outside, comforts you.

The two of you walk alongside each other on the way back to your home. You won't stop him from walking you home, especially not when you enjoy his company so much. He mentions something about his future family and you stiffen, afraid that he's jumping the gun. Your commitment issues start to resurface, your mind whirring as your heart jumps into panic mode, but you force yourself to take a few deep breaths and laugh.

He seems too happy to notice how forced your laugh is. Instead, he's asking for your mother's name, repeating it the whole way to make sure he's got it right.

Mrs? he asks.

Aunty, you correct.

Aunty, he repeats, and you nod your head. He asks for your father's, too, and he's still mumbling their names when you come up to the door. You ring the doorbell, and your mother comes to open the door, greeting Mingyu with a warm smile and a hearty welcome.

Come on in, she says. Mingyu shakes his head bashfully.

I've got to be going, he says. See you, Aunty.

You step into the house and wave at him until he's out of sight, your mother watching his retreating figure with you.

He seems like a nice boy, she says.

Oh, he is.

[akutasoda]

Hi, love your work!! I’m not part of the q nation, unfortunately😞 my dumb brain can’t brain when I’m trying to learn the q language no matter how hard I try…

can I request- Sunday angst where the reader gets in an accident and gets amnesia? Hurt/ no comfort if thats okay!

if you’re uncomfortable with that, don’t worry about it, I love everything you write anyways!!!! Mwah!!

lead me towards freedom, just for me to forget

synopsis - he loved you. let down all his walls, trust his emotions with you and yet, you can't even remember who he is.

includes - sunday

warnings - gn!reader, reader gets amnesia, slight fluff, angst no comfort, religious imagery?, maybe ooc, wc - 811

a/n: not apart of the q nation? apologies, i cannot write your request /j the q language is not for everyone anon, but if you try hard enough you will get there!! but thank you!! <3

if someone had asked sunday if he ever saw himself in a relationship in the future, he probably would've scoffed at them.

sunday had no such time for those feelings. the bigger picture was much more important to him, granting robin's wish was his number one priority and he didn't want anything to stray him from fulfilling such goals. petty emotions that led to developing romantic relationships were useless to him - not that he even had anyone in his life that he'd ever dare see that way.

relationships only hurt people. they could cut deep into people, causing pain and heartbreak. even uglier emotions that made reality all that much more harsh to those on the receiving end. and that was a possibility that could happen to him.

if he ever found someone he could love romantically, they could see him at his lowest, at his weakest point. they could exploit that. use it against him, rip his heart out, crush it right in front of his very eyes and he wouldn't be able to do anything. he'd love them too much to fight back, they'd open the gates to more emotions that would make him weaker, more vulnerable.

but that was before he met you.

admittedly, when he first met you, he thought you were simply another lost soul that needed saving. the hand of the order to bless you and lead you towards a dream. a world that saved you from the harshness of current reality. and it was his duty to lead you, another sheep among the herd lead towards freedom of reality.

but you weren't a sheep. you were a wolf in sheep's clothing.

yet it remained the same, he wanted to guide you away from suffering and pain. even more so than the rest of the flock.

sunday still denied it. either he couldn't recognise the signs or he simply couldn't believe that such emotions were being evoked from him - the lines were very blurred. either way, it wasn't immediately recognisable to him, willingly or unwillingly. those feelings would only prove meaningless down the line.

but you were persistent. always there in his life. unwavering in your friendly attitude toward him, unrelenting in checking up on him and showing a genuine interest. sunday wanted to push you away. keep you at arm's length and stop you from getting closer than you were already - in his eyes, you were too close, to his emotions and to getting in the way of his goals.

however, somewhere down the line, he let you in. sunday stopped fighting to keep you away, slowly letting down all the guards and walls he had built up around himself. and now. he understood why people took that risk.

relationships could end horribly but they could blossom. they could be filled with hope and sappy feelings that if sunday ever caught himself thinking about, he might have been sick. loving you was sweet. it was like watching birds fly free, a cool breeze on a summer's day. it was refreshing, freeing even.

it felt weird. he'd never felt such emotions for a person before and yet he couldn't help but find his thoughts drifting to you like a lovesick fool. when sunday caught himself, he felt embarrassed. hiding his face behind his wings and trying to compose himself yet again - it wouldn't be the first time his thoughts drifted to you, nor would it be the last.

sunday could look back upon all the memories with you with a fondness that baffled him. they played over and over in his mind like the galaxy's sappiest film, one that was so saccharine that it was sickly. but sunday wouldn't have it any other way.

but sunday soon remembered just why he wanted to stay away.

the day he received the news was the day his world shattered. the harshness of reality he so desperately wanted to help people stray away from had befallen upon him and his feelings. the news of you “accident” caused him to freeze.

was this your reality? had he failed to protect you from the harrowing reality of life?

sunday dropped everything to see you. he needed to know the exact details of your condition, to know if you were okay. but looking back upon this decision, perhaps ignorance was bliss. not knowing would've been better than seeing you in this state.

it shattered him in two when the news of your amnesia was told to him. if only this was a dream. a really bad one at that, a nightmare if he would. he had failed you.

and as you stared at him in confusion, no hints of familiarity found in your gaze for him,

sunday could nearly cry.

taglist - @little-miss-chaoss, @frankiesteinn, @https-sourlimes

[chuuya-fan-page]

Off-Brand Tiktok Chuugly worse than the original! (NOT CLICKBAIT!!!! GONE WRONG!!!!!)

I dunno how BSD fan's takes could get even more braindead, uhhhh, but they did? Which is, really cool. A has already discussed this individuals posts before, but this one is just...

Hot take, neither ship will be canon because BSD is not a romance centric series!!!!!!!

Well this is just blatantly wrong.

"Dazai was never intimate with Chuuya!"

...Sure thing!

Ignore that a big part of soukoku's bond is that despite Dazai's aversion to physical contact and his alienation from the world around him he allows Chuuya to touch him. Whatever you want.

"He only saw Chuuya as a monster finding his past, that's why he hated him!"

No. Dazai and Chuuya's conflict in Fifteen arises from their opposing ideologies. Dazai plans ahead, Chuuya is brash and jumps into things, which irritates Dazai, this is something he dislikes as well in Akutagawa. On the other hand, Chuuya has fought his whole life, whereas Dazai seems ready to give up, which is confronting to Chuuya and his mindset. This is where that "hatred" comes from.

Also the idea that Dazai saw Chuuya as monstrous is canonically incorrect. I don't even have to do any digging, Dazai says it outright (ty for not being difficult for once)

Dazai never doubted Chuuya's humanity. He never doubted it because he saw how complex a person Chuuya was and never thought he could be anything other than human.

The way Dazai acted with Sigma was partly because he wanted to help him, yes, but also because he was using him. Hello???? Also Dazai was hardly intimate with Sigma, he drags him down at one point, and whether you're going on the anime or the manga, grabs his face to stop him from literally DYING.

Some of y'all, istg.

Partly true!

Dazai sees Sigma as human!

Please refer to my last piece of evidence on the topic of Chuuya.

Dazai had already nullified corruption when he cupped Chuuya cheek. That was just a moment of pure intimacy and trust between them!

None of this changes the fact that Dazai, a man who has a metaphorical wall around his emotions and his body, allowed Chuuya to sleep on his lap. He could have moved him, it wasn't risky at all, he didn't need to hold Chuuya still on his lap like that, minimal contact was enough, but Dazai allowed more.

Buddy, if he wanted to kill him. He had plenty of chances, they were partners for a long time and Chuuya's literally been passed on his lap before, he could have killed him then, when he was vulernable and out. Then there's corruption that if Dazai doesn't get to him in time to nullify it, he literally dies. If Dazai really wanted to kill him, he could have. Their so-called murder attempts are not serious and they don't do it genuinely trying to harm e/o. The last one is just what?? Like I said before, if he wanted to kill e/o he could have just not got to him in time after using corruption. Corruption is always last resort, double black doesn't always use it. The memorizing breathing patterns s because they were partners and spent a lot of time together and know e/o better than anyone else.

Dazai has had ample opportunity to kill Chuuya, he's been around him at his weakest and lowest points. There is no reason why Chuuya would still be alive if Dazai truly wanted him dead.

bro what.

Corruption is a last-ditch effort that has only ever been used sparingly and against enemies that couldn't otherwise be defeated. Guivre, for example, was a singularity beast out of control. Lovecraft was literally CTHULU. Steinbeck himself said there was no hurting Lovecraft from the outside, and that lil bomb Dazai hid in his cast was not doing it for them.

Again.

If Dazai wanted Chuuya dead. He. Would. Be. Dead.

I straight up don't know what this point is supposed to mean. Dazai shows disgust for Fyodor's beliefs at some point? Like is that what she's referring to??? I dunno, lack of evidence, overruled.

That's...not...

I have no words for this oml.

Like dude, acting has to come from some genuine feelings um.

"Chuuya dehumanized him multiple times" I'm genuinely sick of people taking that dhc scene as dehumanization. Dazai was being ignorant and being disrespectful to the dead, who for context, was a guy who helped Chuuya out with the verlaine situation in sb. He said "oh wouldn't this be good since an executive poistion is open now?" like who wouldn't be pissed by that? So he punches him, because Chuuya's lived a life of survival, so that punch was probably instinct. The words he says after to Dazai was not dehumanization! "I'm human too" "No one would believe that"

People take this as dehumanization, but he practically saying "no one would believe you are human when you are belitting human life like this, so start acting like the human being you are" basically it was a way of saying of dazai's inhumane behavior was shitty and was basically a wake up call for him. He's seen Dazai act humane before, stormbringer was a prime example of that when Dazai gave him a choice, so he knows dazai is capable of acting humane. It's notably even said when Dazai gives Chuuya a few minutes to think about it: "It was an expression dazai never makes."

And um, blind trust is not always good. Sigma and Dazai are in a life or death situation, so he kinda has to trust and put faith in Dazai even though he is incredibly wary of him due to his experiences with fyodor. But Chuuya and Dazai have known e/o for a long time, so logically they will have more trust than sigma and Dazai.

-T and A

[kreinvulon]

hey. i wanted to make this post for a while and honestly was afraid of putting this out there, but i felt i should share the reasons for my inactivity recently. this isn’t me quitting tumblr or leaving anything - please don’t take it as such. i’m aware i’m not responsible for people’s feelings, and that i don’t owe anyone work or activity, and that i should focus on myself… but, i still want people to know what’s up, especially those i’ve met through communities like gore’s - one which i’m still a part of, and one that has deeply helped me.

content warnings below for mental health and pet loss, sort of. should anyone see this, i hope you’ll take it kindly. if not, then i’ll just keep talking into the void.

i’ll start off with good news - as you all know, i got into college. i’m happy there, and i’m doing well in regards to assignments. i’ve got incredible feedback, and my teacher acknowledges that i have a very thorough understanding of design. it’s never felt more freeing to study something i’m genuinely passionate about and wish to pursue a career in, but i’m unsure if that will last much longer. i’m studying full-time, and while it’s only four days a week - two of which i am only in for 3 hours - it puts a massive amount of pressure on me mentally and socially.

onto the bad news. my dog was diagnosed with cancer a month ago - it’s lymphoma, and it’s an advanced stage. none of us how long he has left, and it strikes fear in me daily that he may be gone soon. i have horrible nightmares some nights about losing him, intrusive thoughts as well, and that too weighs heavily on my mental state.

the amount of work we have to do in college, combined with the time i need - i mean that seriously - to decompress afterwards overtakes my time to work on personal and commissioned projects. i have spent over 6 weeks working gradually on one commission only, and despite the communication i’ve given, and understanding i have so sweetly received, i feel so terribly guilty about it. people are trusting me with their hard-earned money, and i take so long that it feels unprofessional. i still aim to keep these going, given i have that target of buying a pc ideally by the end of this year or the start of 2025, but updates will have to be made to things, so that i don’t collapse under the pressure - in which i have already done several times over the course of this last month or so. i have not even had much time to talk with online friends or mutuals.

i thought i was genuinely getting better, over the three months i spent out of education following the completion of my GCSE exams. i got wonderful results and reaped the rewards in spite of how crushing the school system is. what’s happening now is me being reminded of that. i have been mocked by people i thought were friends for having different challenges to them, for completing school at home, and have had multiple dehumanising comments made about me by the same people who refuse to stop, no matter how many times they have been shut down by either myself, or members of staff. my mental health is possibly at the lowest point it has been since i was 13 or 14.

life is tiring. it hurts to say this, and i need to seek help, but i feel i can’t. i am not in a place where i can seek private support for things such as autism, which friends, my family, and i heavily suspect i have. with the state of things in the uk, i feel trapped and unable to get what i need, especially in regards to being trans.

if i can spare the time, i will continue to share what i am working on. i should note that me and leliana ( @/lastdb ) have been brewing up something wonderful that i’m sure lots of you will love - some of you may have already seen small progress shots of it on discord. i am on the final step before i release this artwork, and possibly the most challenging.

but, for now — don’t forget me! i promise i’m still here, just quiet, and needing to heal from a lot that’s broken me down. if you’ve read through to this point ( and i don’t expect many will ), then thank you. a lot. i’m still happy to make conversation. don’t be afraid to say hi, i won’t bite.

[compacflt]

Watched Marriage Story today, for the very first time, and had a lotta thoughts about EDTS Ice and Mav, especially their divorce-era. Wondered whether they would’ve genuinely gotten a divorce, if they’d somehow been married at that point. Charlie kinda reminded me of Ice: the benign belief in his own intellectual superiority, the self-pity, the willful blindness towards the reality of his relationship, the selfishness—not in the sense that Ice wasn’t kind or warm or loving, but in the sense that he really needed things to go his way (for them to not talk about anything). Of course Mav was no Nicole, he definitely shared his half of the blame, but I could totally imagine the two of ‘em having a huge fight that devolved into: “I can’t believe I have to know you … forever!” ‘Cause they kinda did: being in the Navy, moving around in the same circles, sharing an estranged kid they were both hoping to make-up with…

ok so part one of this ask not having seen marriage story: yeah i am 100% sure if they’d codified their relationship in words they would’ve broken up. like forever. letting all that anger simmer instead of boiling over is sometimes a blessing in disguise—if you say you’re together, you’re together. if you say you’re over, you’re over. no take-backsies on something like that. whereas if you don’t talk about any of it, the boundaries are a lot less definite. a blessing in disguise. i did (for mental torture purposes, and also for a prompt fill i [sorry to whomever sent it in] didnt hate myself enough to write) brainstorm that Bad Ending—if, say, Mav HAD been reckless and decisive and told ice “get the fuck out of my house obviously this isn’t gonna work you betrayed my trust & bailed on me at the second lowest moment of my life & conspired with a dying woman who is in love with you to ruin our son’s life in the exact same way MY life was once ruined and you blame me for turning you gay but you were already gay to begin with and You Fucking Killed My Best Friend And We Never Talk About It so fuck you we’re done” and went no-contact and threw ices shit out into the street and never went back to the hangar and changed all the locks and his phone number etc. and… say ice is like decimated for a few years straight, like numbingly and crushingly depressed, & then he meets not-his-sister-sarah and tells her the truth (that now he can realize with the benefit of hindsight & grief & loss—funny how loss always makes everything real clear all of a sudden): that he was in a long term relationship with a man with whom he was raising a child & with whom he was probably in love, and she marries him anyway, and obviously she’s not maverick and she doesn’t make him as happy as he did and she knows that but at least she stops him from being actively su*cidal and at least they can be open about their relationship in public and maybe they have a kid or two, and maybe he completely shifts his strategy and relocates to Virginia and moves his AOR to the atlantic instead of the pacific so he can get as far away from San Diego and maverick and home as possible, and maybe it works, and maybe there are some days he doesn’t even think about maverick or Bradley or goose, and when people mention the 1990s he grimaces and tries to forget, and he’s not ashamed of it so much as he is hurt by the memory of his own carelessness, and maybe he cries often and very very quietly, and maybe he gets his life back on track and before he knows it he has four stars on the opposite coast from the one he’d originally planned, and of course he’s not happy, but he’s never happy, so whatever.

Until. some event he can’t get out of. A mutual friend’s change of command ceremony or retirement ceremony or funeral. first thing he sees (like always) is captain Mitchell shining in his dress blues (like always). they avoid each other all evening, why bother trying? until someone forces them together, “weren’t you two at TOPGUN together? didn’t you guys kill all those soviets together?” and on and on, yes, we were, this is very very uncomfortable, until eventually they’re alone, and maverick asks, “can i buy you a drink sir?” but he’s staring at ice’s left hand and staring and staring, and it’s been over a decade but still ice doesn’t know how to say no to him, so they leave this joint and get a drink somewhere else, and maverick says, “how long have you been married,” and ice says, “eight years next march,” and you can see maverick doing the math in his head 2016-8=2008 okay, “what’s her name,” “sarah,” maverick laughs but feels bad for laughing, ice says, “we have a couple kids,” maverick stops laughing. “shit,” maverick says. ice says, “it was very difficult for me for a very long time;” maverick says, “what did you tell her;” ice says, “the truth;” maverick waits a second to respond and then says, “and what was the truth?” ice tells him the truth which is “well that i was in a long-term relationship with another man and we were raising a kid together and most likely we were in love with each other but it didn’t work out.” maverick takes a long time to respond to that and is blinking a lot and if you put your ear to his chest you’d hear that he is struggling to breathe. he says “and she married you anyway.” “she did.” he says “and You married Her anyway.” “i did.” Ice pauses then says “it was very difficult for me for a very long time.” he pauses some more and drinks and watches disinterestedly as maverick blinks and blinks. then ice says “so uh are you…?” maverick says “ive had a couple… a couple flings… nothing. nothing like.” and ice understands. maverick says, “why didn’t you tell me?” “tell you what?” “that you. that you and i were. that you felt that way about me.” ice says, “i did. i tried. i left you voicemails & sent you postcards & tried for half a decade to get in touch with the kid. did you not get my—did you not get my voicemails or my letters?” maverick blinks and blinks and says “i did get them but i didn’t open them;” ice says “well that’s that then.” and drinks. maverick says “how long after me did you meet her;” ice says “a couple years, i was deployed for O.I.F.” maverick says, “yeah, me too.” and he almost starts crying. he says “ice I’m sorry but you’re telling me ive completely wasted the last decade of my life and i don’t know what to do. do you love her? does she make you happy?” ice says “yes” and “yes.” maverick says “does she make you as happy as you were with me?” ice doesn’t care enough anymore to be dishonest and says “no. Of course not. but she made life easier when it was very difficult for me for a very long time.” maverick says, “run away with me. fuck it. let’s try again. let’s start over. no one else understands. come on. you and me. we always come back to each other. let’s try again.” and it is very very tempting. One of those watershed moments when life goes crystal clear and you can see through it. but only for a moment. ice is so tired and too old for that kind of adventure anymore. he says, i have kids, and i have a wife, and i have the navy and my four stars to think of, and i— he can be honest about this: “i want to. you know i do.” he pauses. doesn’t think he wants maverick to touch him. that can’t possibly end well and historically has not ended well. flinches away when maverick reaches out. he says “but i can’t.” maverick says, “i miss you more than anything. i want—even still!—i—please…I can’t…” another pause. ice says, “Let me get the bill, Mav.” so ice pays mavericks tab and they go their separate ways.

and maverick goes out to the desert to fly the sr-72 darkstar and pushes it beyond its limits on purpose and he doesn’t intend to survive but it’s his stupid too-good instincts that have him popping the cockpit escape pod ejection handle, and he lives by accident, like always, and destroys several billion taxpayer dollars in an instant, and without admiral Kazansky on his six backing him up admiral Cain has everything he needs to dishonorably discharge captain mitchell from the navy, so after 33 years of service to his country and 3 air to air kills maverick is unceremoniously dishonorably discharged and they kick him out without a second thought, and the Dagger special mission command goes to someone else and Bradley gets team leader and probably fails and probably dies, and atlantic fleet commander Tom Kazansky is offered the promotion to chief of naval operations and takes it, and doesn’t live long enough to meet his grandchildren, and that’s about all i have to say about that.

Now im going to go watch marriage story to answer this ask educatedly so hold on.

ok coming back the next day post marriage story and yeah you’re right i think it would look like that

[dont-look-up-at-the-sky]

Something I find amusing about C.C. & Lelouch's relationship (spoiler: it's not amusing at all) As a premise, despite everything I'm going to say, CluClu is my otp and will ever be, so this is not intended as a hate shitpost, even if who doesn't like them as a couple is also absolutely welcome to give their take. Furthermore, the topic of my discourse is just their relationship regardless you see it as romantic or not.

Now, to get to the matter, let's take a look first at the other two girls. I've always felt that Lelouch relationship with Shirley and Kallen were somewhat unbalanced, since they clearly had deep, sincere feelings towards him, but as much as he reciprocated them (as friends or almost-lover it doesn't matter here), it's always been them to give the strongest evidence of these feelings. He obviously cared a lot about both, and if I'm being honest I think that Shirley could have been his first love, but he only shows how much important they are to him under dramatic circumstances or if solicited, in response to some showing of "affection" from their part.

In Shirley's case, when he kisses her back after her father's death, when he wipes off her memories, when he blushes because he was expecting her to kiss him and then, sadly, when she dies. As for Kallen, the strongest example that comes to mind to me is when he says "you have to live" after he lied so that she didn't sacrifice her life for him. (I won't take into consideration when he made a move on her, for the following reasons: because he was at his lowest point and was only looking for something to numb himself, sex was the same as drugs at that time, no less self-destructive, and definitely not an act of love; moreover, because he didn't show her any affection AT ALL—what he said to her was straight up insulting and degrading (I state this as a matter of fact, but I'm not judging him here, I could talk about this another time), not something I would proudly bring as a proof of his feelings for her. Lastly, because my point now it's not to demonstrate which girl he had ROMANTIC feelings for.)

Then we have C.C. The only one among the three whose feelings for him were ambiguous to say the least. For the most part of the story, she manipulated and used him for her purposes by encouraging him towards the path that was most convenient for her. She knew from the start the truth about his mother, she watched him struggle and never said a word because that could have made him falter in his determination. She was aware of Charles plans, which she had been complicit with in the past, and also that he had a geass, but never shared these informations with Lelouch, again because that could damage her aim. She was the person who more than anyone else saw how much he was suffering, and I believe she started to care about him even early on the story, but still this wasn't enough to stop her.

Obviously she was conflicted, she often looks torn between what she wants to gain from him and a genuine feeling that she can't allow herself to have. Also, we could argue that, had she really wanted to go all the way with her plan, she could have done so already by trying to kill him, in order to push him to accept the code as the nun did with her (we know from Charles and V.V. that's not necessary to wait for the geass to evolve in both eyes). But she never does this. Deep inside she's not as selfish as she pretends and would like to be, and at a closer look it's lecit to wonder if at some point her decision to stay at his side wasn't for her purposes anymore, even if that was what she kept telling herself—but this doesn't make her actions towards Lelouch any less wrong, any less selfish and manipulative.

As I stated before, among the three C.C. is the only one who, even if she truly had feelings for him, never prioritised them over herself. Even the scene where she comforts him after Euphemia's death is ambiguous, since those words and that gesture came from a person who was taking advantage of him all along.

What about Lelouch though? To me it's always been even shocking how open his feelings for her were (whether you intend them as romantic or not, again, it doesn't matter!). We know him as a person who always acts quite cold (even if he's not), but then we have "I don't know why snow is white, but I think it's beautiful", "If you're a witch then I shall become a warlock", "I promise you the smile you never had", even that snarky "I cannot be friends with a goddess, I've made a contract with the devil". He worries that she could get hurt or die even if he knows she's immortal. To not speak about how he allows himself to be vulnerable in front of her and just her.

So, to refer to the title, what I find "amusing" is how the girl he shows most openly his feelings for is exactly the one who apparently reciprocate less and, for a fact, the one whose reasons for being at his side have always been not totally genuine.

That could open another matter of analisys which I find interesting about Lelouch, namely how his relationship with Suzaku is an ulteriore example of how he clings the most to the people who somewhat reject him and don't give him any assurance that they won't leave him. From a psychological point of view, it seems in line with a young man who in his childhood has suffered from severe trauma bounded to loss and abandonment. It's common in these cases to have the strongest reactions to real or imaginary threats of abandonment, while unconsciously re-enacting the trauma by being emotionally driven towards those who show they could leave at any moment unless you make efforts to hold them back. But this could be the subject of another topic one day, a topic that I would probably call "why I think that Lelouch shows many symptoms of borderline personality disorder, despite the more popular fan-diagnosis that I feel are sometimes dued to a general misunderstanding of personality disorders". Well, that's it! I'm curious to read your opinions, if you like to share :)

[metamorphosisff]

|One| Friends, How Many of Us Have Them?

“You don’t have to have such a bad attitude.”

The sound of the deep voice speaking in my direction caused me to whip my head around. I was already sweaty and annoyed, having been under the pissy underbelly of the Verrazano bridge picking up trash for the last two hours. The absolute last thing I wanted was a conversation with anyone, let alone one of the supervisors who made sure the derelicts of society like me showed up for their court appointed community service. Xavier was always trying to be nice to everyone and that got on my nerves. No one was nice without ulterior motives, definitely not the cookie cutter type he seemed to be. That’s why when he asked me questions I often waved him off refusing to engage like now. Well not now because I fully intended to give him a piece of my mind for offering unsolicited commentary.

“Gee I wonder what gave that away, the court mandate or this snazzy orange reflective vest I’m sporting,” I hissed, causing the older woman who was nearby to snicker. Her name was Jazz, picked up for soliciting a trucking stop in Hunts Point. Picking up trash was supposed to teach her not to sell pussy and me not to punch people in the face when they pissed me off. We got along well enough, often working side by side in my preferred silence, sometimes falling into conversation when we both felt like it. 

“No, more so how you treat people when they attempt to be friendly,” he said, bypassing the dig.

“Didn’t ask for a friend,” I replied, stabbing a chip bag with my poker to stuff into the trash bag tied to a belt loop.

“You didn’t but everyone can use one or at least, a little kindness their way,” he said, stuffing his hands in his pocket. The clipboard with today’s sign in sheet and all of our court documents wedged underneath was tucked underneath a bulky arm. 

“Take all that kindness, bottle it up, and sell it to someone who gives a fuck,” I said, pairing my words with a smile and head tilt.

He chuckled, giving me a real smile in earnest which confused me. He was supposed to be mad and stomp off, giving into my request to be left alone. Instead he appeared to be amused. “Not gonna lie, that’s the funniest way I’ve been told to fuck off this week. Thanks for the laugh.”

With that he walked off to check on an older white man who was doing more sitting than working. I looked over to my right to see Jazz grinning at me.

“Why are you giving me that look?” I asked, smirking myself. Jazz had a way of making anything funny so I was genuinely interested in what she had to say.

“That man likes you,” she said, her six foot three frame leaning to the side so she could place a hand on her hip. “It’s all in his eyes.”

I take it back. I was no longer interested in what she had to say.

“There must be something in your eyes Jazz,” I said, using the collar of my shirt to wipe up sweat. It was a humid day in June, which meant rain was on the horizon in the midst of all this heat. I prayed to at least be on the train before the storm unfurled. 

“Yeah twenty years in the business of men. Mr. Clipboard wants you,” she said.

“Well I bet people in hell want ice water. We don’t always get what we want,” I replied, stabbing at another piece of trash.

Six weeks down, four more to go until I was free of this punishment. Though this was arguably one of the lowest points of my life, I regretted nothing, and said as much to the judge. That flippant remark tacked on the extra eight weeks to the prosecutors original two which was worked out in a deal from my public defender. It was worth it though, my coworker deserved everything I dished out that day and sometimes, I wished I could do it again. Clearly picking up trash on the side of the road had yet to teach me the lesson it was supposed to.

“Ain’t that the truth child, ain’t that the truth,” Jazz sighed, doing the same.

That was the end of our conversation as we each fell into our own thoughts. Thirty minutes later we were back on the van that brought us out this way and after another forty in the cramped vehicle, we were dumped in Midtown. I bid Jazz a farewell once we entered the subway on 49th, she was taking the D back Uptown while I was taking the F back to Brooklyn. 

The humidity was worse underground and was no better on the crowded train because the AC was barely felt. By the time I made it to York street my shirt was sticking to me. It is almost seven o’clock in the evening but the neighborhood hums with activity. Kids fill the parks while middle aged white women hurried into the condos built across the street from the projects with Wegman tote bags. I had another fifteen minute walk ahead of me before I reached the five story walk up I called home. Before I go inside, I stop at the bodega for some chips, a big red icee, a few rolls of toilet paper, and dish soap. My total is a whopping eight fifty. I had twenty dollars left for my budget this week. My new part time job at a warehouse paid enough to pay the bills, for me to get there, and little else. Once my community service stint was over, I would be back on the grind for a new call center job. I preferred offices over manual labor. Since this misdemeanor would be wiped clean once my community service is finished, it should not take me long to get one with my resume. Until recently, my work history is spotless with no complaints from past employers.

Still, I have to wait and that is a problem. I was just starting to feel like I was getting ahead when this whole thing happened. Shaking my head, I refused to fall into that song and dance with my thoughts again. I reach into my bag and pull out the icee, and focus on using my teeth to tear it open instead. I was turning onto my block when my eyes locked onto a familiar fifth grader hanging around a bunch of teens he had no business being around. His boyish features stood out like a sore thumb.

“PAPI,” I yelled, causing all six heads to snap in my direction.

Everyone in this neighborhood knew I was not one to play with. As soon as they saw me marching closer, they shoved the ten year old in my direction before scattering off on bikes and hoverboards.

The sun kissed brown face I hated to love was scrunched up by the time I made it to him. “You know I don’t give a damn,” I said, in reference to his attitude. “Inside. Ahora.”

“I wasn’t doing nothing’,” he huffed, stomping towards the dilapidated structure that was our building. The bricks out front were loose in several places and the automatic door did not work which resulted in packages being stolen often.

“And you won’t be as long as I have something to do with it,” I said, as we walked side by side to the fourth floor.

His mother, Marissa, was the closest thing I had to family. We had grown up in this building side by side, losing hope, losing family, creating a new one with each other and the little trouble maker beside me, in an effort to restore all of those losses. She worked two jobs meaning that after school Papi had a lot of free time. With the summer coming up we were both nervous about what things he could possibly land himself into. I made a mental note to look for more summer camps to sign him up for. So far I had been waitlisted for the six I had already applied to but if it came down to having to pay, then I’d keep the warehouse part time, and switch to nights so I could work full time during the day. We couldn’t afford to have him taken from us too. 

Fishing his keys out of his pockets, he opened up the door, and stepped inside. “I can handle myself, you know. You don’t have to wait for me.”

“I wait for you because unfortunately for us both I love you,” I cracked, causing him to grin.

“I love you too Auntie Mila,” he said.

“Take a shower before you eat,” I instructed. He smelled like outside.

“Okay. ‘Night,” he said, before closing the door.

I nodded my head and proceeded to open my own door. Nothing but silence greets me as I kick off my shoes and turn on the lights. There was a point in time when too many voices filled these walls. Now they barely heard mine. Dropping my bounty from the bodega on the kitchenette counter, I keep going until I reach the bathroom. I empty my pockets in the basket on the counter, dropping my mini wallet, lip gloss, phone, mask and keys into it. I tried not to wear purses to community service because I didn’t want to be robbed on top of having to serve out my punishment. Next, I tossed my braids up in a high bun before undressing and placing my clothes right into the dirty hamper. The hot water on my skin feels great as it works to free me from the sweat and dirt of the day. Grabbing my loofa, I use my favorite body wash to help with that mission before getting out. I couldn’t afford to spend all night underneath the water but the ten minutes I got were enough to help me feel better.

As I slip into my clothes I hear my phone vibrate from the bathroom. Padding back towards that direction, I grab the device from the basket before going back into the kitchen. There was leftover meatloaf and rice waiting to be heated up. I was pulling out the containers while squinting at the somewhat familiar number that texted me. Not drawing any names or faces from the number alone, I finally take the plunge, and open the message. It’s a picture of Jazz and me from earlier, she’s giving me the grin before sharing her theory about Xavier, and it almost looks like I’m smiling back. Except I don’t smile because I refuse to let my lips stretch that far. When I’m done looking over the photo, my eyes drop to the short message underneath it: Everyone needs friends.

I roll my eyes at his corny sentiment before closing the message. It’s obvious he’s plucked my number from the group chat we have to make sure everyone is accounted for when we’re out in some of the rougher areas of the city. Placing my phone down on the counter, I scoop out a portion from each container that wasn’t enough to fill me but enough to make sure I didn’t starve. There were three more days until I got paid again. This would have to last until then. Plopping the plate in the microwave, I drum my fingers as I think about Xavier’s messages. I didn’t get the point he was trying to prove.

Within seconds I had the thread opened up and typed back: So go get some.

It was like he was waiting for my response because his reply came in an instant: I’m trying. Meet me halfway?

If I was a normal girl, his message might seem endearing but I wasn’t. Xavier and I came from two different worlds. I had seen his diplomas in the tiny box he called an office. He had worked out a significant career in social work that extended beyond his day job of baby sitting us. He taught as an adjunct professor at three different colleges in the city. I was the daughter of crack addicts who fought tooth and nail just to make it through the day, not to live but to survive. Anything more than that required too much of me.

Biting down on my lip I wrote back: Try with somebody else.

After that, I muted his notifications so I wouldn’t get alerts and proceeded to eat my dinner in the silence I had become accustomed to. I didn’t need any more noise.

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[altocat]

so i'm trying to get back into the swing of things after almost a decade of being out of ffvii fandom and ever crisis has rekindled a very powerful desire to write and write until my fingers fall off. so i'd like to ask, since you're in the tags and seem quite knowledgeable: what is your opinion of genesis's writing in crisis core?

i've always been of the opinion he was woefully mishandled, and i'm currently trying to reconcile what we were given with what i assume they were going for. got about 2k of a fic with a slightly difficult to explain premise written so far, but sephiroth is pre-nibelheim in post-advent children time (no dirge of cerberus) where genesis is about a decade older than him now. and they're navigating the fallout of the last time they saw each other.

i'm using a lot of what we're learning about sephiroth to color their relationship, too -- my boyfriend skillfully pointed out that it feels like genesis may have developed a parasocial attachment to the version of sephiroth that shinra fed him through propaganda, and when he met the real thing he was let down and became resentful.

so i'm wondering, how do i handle it without making it into a personal vendetta against how horribly i felt genesis was written? heh

The writing on Genesis in CC is....yeesh.

I'd chalk that up to many things--general mishandling, the fact that Genesis is only limited to appearing when Zack is present, and some translation issues from the Japanese language over to English. Lots of his arc as a character doesn't really feel earned, or they don't take enough time to establish his good qualities to make the player care about him.

It's important to note that, despite the fact that the game failed to shed proper light on this, Genesis DOES have many good qualities. He's kind to the lower ranking soldiers, whom he reads to. He and Sephiroth, for all their rivalry, seemed to be close at one point. He was presumably a good friend to Angeal. And even Gackt himself has said that Genesis has a "sweet" streak hidden beneath all that bluster.

It's equally important to note that the Genesis we see in CC is desperate, dying, and under the influence of the Degradation Process. Angeal himself points out that the process seems to dull the mind, clouding it. Sephiroth may or may not have some variation of this as well once his Jenova cells are activated in Nibelheim. So Genesis is really not "himself", warped and twisted, trying to preserve his life, angry and bitter at what Shinra did to him. He's at his lowest point emotionally and psychologically, hence why he does what he does. The writing....just doesn't convey it well.

As for his relationship with Sephiroth, I feel like Sephiroth was closest to him out of all his friends, and Genesis' previous idolization of Sephiroth is the primary reason why he WANTS to be the best. He wants to beat Seph to prove that he's WORTHY of being around Seph. As a boy, Seph was his hero. He HAS to surpass him or become his equal to prove that he can stand toe to toe with the person he feels is a real hero. The dilemma is that Sephiroth never wanted to be a hero and would have always valued Genesis just as he is. Genesis already had what he was looking for...he just didn't realize it until it was too late. They're a complicated pair, with lots of miscommunication, unresolved tension, and poor decision making shared between them. I think they needed to talk to each other more than anything else. Because there was something genuine there. They could have kept it, they could have shared the apples just like Genesis always wanted.

Post-CC, I see Genesis carrying a lot of guilt. Both his friends are "dead" and he basically kicked off the events that led to it. He's been pardoned by Minerva and will now act as the planet's hero and protector, but at the cost of the people he loved. There's no real room for arrogance anymore. He's a hero not out of pride, but shame and remorse. He's tired, lonely, and now fully recognizes the pain of what heroism truly is. He's "grown up" in a sense, become a different person. Crisis Core is a coming of age story in many ways, not just for Zack but for Genesis as well. It's too bad they kinda bungled the delivery.

Hope all of that helps! Genesis is actually a really interesting character when you dissect him. He's sorta become one of my top faves over time, even if I fully recognize him as a complete trashlord. But I think there's more to him deep, deeeeep down.

[savonline]

chainsaw man 167 thoughts

contains major spoilers

tw: sexual assault

Alright, I'll admit this chapter caught me super off guard. I'm aware of the themes of the story. I'm aware denji has been assaulted before. But to see it so explicitly... Just not what I was expecting this week.

Watching this happen to Denji again, at what is the lowest point of his life, after he's beginning to grapple with his hypersexuality being a problem. This chapter was painful. We as an audience know it was Yoru, not Asa. But Denji does not know that. He saw Asa as the one girl he kissed that didn't try to hurt him or use him. He genuinely liked her.

I'm not sure how he will react after this. If he will even process what happened. Whether he will recognize he was assaulted or assume he was supposed to be happy because of his body's response. I know sooner or later all of this sexual trauma is going to break him. It breaks my heart to see it

And Asa... my heart breaks for her too. To have her body used in that way when she already has made it clear how sex repulsed she is. How is she going to cope, knowing her trust in Yoru is shattered, knowing she hurt Denji who doesn't understand what she is, knowing Yoru used her in that way and she's still sharing a body with her

I'm not going to stop reading of course. I don't even think it was a bad decision on Fujimotos part. And I understand why it was portrayed the way it was. I mean, I read through goodnight punpun and really loved it. This clearly is not a topic I think is untouchable.

But also, the fandoms responses have been extremely disappointing. Between people who are making light of the situation not even seeing it as assault, and the people going "lol you're upset over just that? You clearly haven't read [insert dark thing here]" like no maybe I'm just someone who still experiences emotions when reading media

I'm looking forward to seeing the consequences of this chapter in the story. I'm trusting Fujimoto to continue to handle these situations well.

And for those who are no longer reading after today's chapter, that's okay and understandable. I have ptsd, and this chapter genuinely was a hard read. I wish you all the best.

Here's to next week and the copium I suffer from in imagining Kobeni will show up any day now...

[otsukare-katsukare]

So I came across this blog and found it quite interesting. I also agree with a lot of it. I like hearing your opinions on things as well, especially these particular topics. So I was wondering - What do you think?

https://www.tumblr.com/wwerasliin-sideblog

hello to you! very glad you came to my blog and liked my opinions. thats all i can ask for as a tumblr user. your link doesnt go to a specific post but judging from the discussion on your blog im guessing youre asking my opinion on sami's potential involvement in the bloodline story and whether roman should apologise to him or not.

(sorry if this is not at all what you were asking. i ended up writing an essay here im afraid.)

i have my own general opinions on what my ideal face turn for roman would have looked like and it's already quite different in reality, but the general gist is yeah, an apology to sami would be, like, thing one. at this point, however, with kevin's heel turn, i just dont know. the way it's played out till this point my heart just doesnt want sami anywhere near roman, because unlike jey, sami really does not have any good reason to go back based on family ties. and roman should not want him back, either. from roman's POV sami was the first brick to fall in his family falling apart, and he betrayed him when he gave him so much. and as far as sami's concerned, the best friend/soulmate that he literally betrayed roman for is currently at his lowest emotional point because his two other closest friends have sided with a man who was his sworn enemy for three years and terrorised both him and his loved ones. for sami to go to roman now, no matter what the guy says, would just feel so cruelly thoughtless to kevin. but very on brand for wwe.

but there was a world where i was completely on board with the 'sami forgives roman' narrative, if roman had come back after losing the title completely alone and ostracised, for the first time in his life. his bloodline scattered, abandoned by his wiseman, justifiably hated by nearly everybody on the roster, and no gold to make him feel better about everything. if he spent some time as a desperate and pathetic heel, trying to win back his old family members using his old gaslighty tricks that don't work anymore, taking on opponents who he'd been mowing through before with the help of the numbers game, but who now smelled blood in the water and got their vengeance, only getting sparing wins. slowly learning what he'd put everyone else through and starting to feel genuine remorse - in that scenario, i would have actually loved to see sami be the first of roman's victims to see him as a genuinely changed man and accept the olive branch. not joining his bloodline (concept should just not exist at this point) but being his optimistic and forgiving self that sees the best in people. in this scenario, roman asking for sami's forgiveness in the first place would also make more sense, as he would realise that he's no longer entitled to his family just on the basis of blood, and that with sami, the wounds arent as deep, and maybe sami could help him be a better person.

(in this fantasy scenario seth is also involved, and the first person who actually reconnects with roman again. cause the shield bond is binding and what happened at wm40 finally buried the last of the resentment between them. but he cant make roman better the way sami can.)

unfortunately while i think this would be a good character arc and story, it is not a good wrestling story, formally. there's no way that people werent going to cheer vociferously for roman, and that's kind of all that matters at the end of the day with this medium. they just happened to make a story with the bloodline that's a bit too nuanced and genuninely fiction-esque for the wwe formula. ah well. but the way things are now if sami goes back to roman without roman apologising then i'll stand by kevin whatever he decides to do in reponse including but not limited to apron powerbombs.

thanks for asking me my wrestling opinions! if this is in fact what you wanted to hear, if not, then i hope it was of interest anyway.

[ordinaryschmuck]

Why do I love Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse?

Aside from the fact that it's about my favorite superhero of all time? Let me count the ways...

The animation. I already know I'm not blowing any minds here, but good word, the animation is SPECTACULAR! By blending CGI models with hand-drawn elements, this is the only experience in a superhero movie that made me feel like a comic book has been brought to life. You might say that "it's not live-action," but that's beside the point. 90% of most MCU movies are practically animated, aside from the 10% that have actual humans on screen. So you should have no qualms when this beautiful masterpiece of a film manages to make you feel like you're watching a comic in motion, to the point where you could pause any frame of animation and turn it into a comic panel. Sidenote, if they make this movie into a graphic novel, I would absolutely buy it. I don't care if it's pointless when I could just watch the movie. Give me that graphic novel version of this gorgeous film.

The opening logos are unironically jaw-dropping. They flash through the many variations each insignia could have/has gone through, giving you a taste of the insanity of what this movie will bring. It also plays into what happens to the characters, meaning that while the story hasn't started yet, we're still given a heavy dose of foreshadowing.

The CCA stamp doesn't get enough credit. For those who don't know, back in the day, comics had to adhere to the Comics Code Authority's regulations, sticking their CCA stamp onto every cover to ensure parents that what was inside was kid friendly. It got to the point where no one took it seriously anymore, and the stamp became an irrelevant system that almost always failed to point out the age demographic for comics. The fact that Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse is rated PG makes the callback even funnier.

The opening narration. It introduces us to this universe's version of Peter Parker, who's basically the every-man in the Spider-Man universe (The every-Spider-Man?). He features the highest highs and lowest lows of Spider-Man, showcasing his history and origins in a way that fans will adore while making something entertaining for the 1% of people who somehow never heard of Spider-Man.

Miles' introduction is close to perfection. Making him an artist already earns some relatability points from yours truly but having him jam out to music while doing it turns him into one of my favorite characters that I see myself in. I can't count the number of times I'm drawing something, and I get lost in the music playing in my headphones. I've known this character for less than a minute, and I already see a lot of myself in him. The fact that he procrastinated getting ready and did it all in a rush is just the cherry on top. And given how I look whiter than the snow on a Christmas day and Miles looks...very much not that, I already feel like the writers are doing something right if I see myself in someone like him. Most writers go the route of making a character's race or ethnicity their only character trait. There are some good intentions in that somewhere, but writers forget that without things like personalities, interests, and desires, the character's race does not matter. They're still going to be boring. Give me more Miles Morales, less of the hollowed shells called human beings that you find on the CW.

The one-take of Miles walking through his neighborhood mirroring/contrasting with his walk through school does well to visually explain the disconnect he feels about being in a new school and an unfamiliar environment.

I love Miles' dad. I'll get more to the emotional stuff later, but Jefferson Davis starts out great as someone strict but still trying hard to connect with Miles. It's genuinely heartwarming to see. Plus, that "I love you, Dad" scene…I mean, come on!

The montage of Miles' first day does well in showcasing the pressure the character is feeling. Maybe I'm still relating so much to Miles, but I felt how hard his day was for him.

The video of Olivia Octavius is some solid foreshadowing of the multiversal madness ahead and even better foreshadowing of who Olivia is, considering that Miles JUST blocks her last name. This scene also introduces us to Gwen while subtly hinting at who she is by Miles briefly saying, "I've never seen you around here before.”

Community is playing on Uncle Aaron's TV...That's it. I watched all of Community last year and grew to appreciate seeing a reference or two about it showing up.

Miles' moment with Uncle Aaron is sweet. It shows how things are easy between them, and Miles can rant about anything to the laid-back person his uncle is, in contrast to the eggshells Miles seems to dance around when dealing with his dad. Plus, Aaron showing off the shoulder touch pays off for two great scenes in the future. Not to mention his "hey" sends this bisexual a little...haywire.

Miles spray painting the wall is touching for two reasons. For one, it proves how much sweeter this universe's Aaron is. In other iterations, he manipulates Miles, searching for ulterior motives, primarily for Aaron's selfish gain. Here, it's clear he genuinely cares about his nephew, wanting to share this moment with Miles and have fun in a way the two should. It's also touching to see Miles express himself. We got a taste of his phenomenal talent near the beginning, but to see him make that masterpiece that he made proves how much of an artist he really is. It really is the best way to make this Miles not only unique but also engaging. 

The spray paint getting sprayed on the corner of the screen is also a nice touch. They didn’t have to do it, but they did, and I love it.

The Spider bite. The thing that fundamentally changes Miles' life, and the lives of other Spider-People before him, for now, and forever...and he swats it like it was nothing. That's...incredible.

Miles reacting to his spider bite, however, leads to a collection of great moments that are awkward as they are hilarious. 

By the way, have I mentioned that this movie is funny? And not in your face with it like other Marvel movies. I mean that Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse is naturally funny, having great jokes that work well within the situation while never stealing away from the moment. I won't go over all the humorous moments, but I'll definitely talk about my favorites.

Like Miles' interaction with Gwen post-spider bite. It's awkward in all the right ways, and his facial expression as he stiffly places his hand on her shoulder cracks me up every time.

The "Who's Morales?" bit is iconic. I told you, this movie is just naturally funny!

Using the Amazing Fantasy comic cover as a reference is great. It's the comic that gave us the best superhero ever made, so it's nice of the animators to throw that in as a callback, honoring the contribution it made to humanity.

By the way, it used to bother me how Peter Parker allowed a comic to detail his backstory, but it just now occurred to me that the Peter Parker in the comic looks vastly different from the one in that universe. That, coupled with the knowledge that he has licensed merch, proves that he allowed this comic as long as the artists made sure his identity remained secret. Just another little detail that makes this movie amazing.

Speaking of small details, I love that Miles has a lot of contacts on his phone. Both his contacts and that one-take in the beginning show that he's a social kid instead of an outcast like Peter, which is nice. It’s for the best that this movie shows that Miles is his own person than a mixed-race Spider-Man 

Another fact is that his comic creators are in there too. That's a cute thing to include.

The visual explanation for Miles' spider sense is remarkable. I always get chills with the words "LOOK OUT," illustrating that it's silently screaming in his brain. Gah, such a good scene! Can you marry a scene? Because I want to marry this scene. It's easily my favorite in anything Spider-Man-related.

Peter's fight with Green Goblin is INSANE! Admittingly, when I first watched this movie, it was a little hard to tell what was going on due to so much happening all at once. But, after seeing it for the fiftieth time, I can certainly say that I appreciate how off-the-wall Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse gets with its action, especially with this first fight scene. It's only a taste of what's to come, and I'm glad the film slowly eases you into the more insane scenes by prepping you with a moment like this.

Peter Parker’s introduction to Miles is perfect. The writers do everything right, starting with Peter breaking the ice with a joke, attempting to cool Miles off from his first near-death experience, only to get serious once Peter realizes what Miles is exactly. And I adore how Peter calmly approaches the situation, reassuring Miles that while things will change whether he likes it or not, Peter will be there to help him. Peter doesn't even hesitate when he volunteers to mentor Miles. You get the sense that Peter's excited about it, and, gosh dang it, these writers really did a great job in making him the Every-Spider-Man.

Miles recording Peter's fight with Prowler...Because of f**king course, he does. Wouldn't you?

Kingpin's the villain! This is cool because, while he's mostly remembered as a Daredevil villain nowadays, it's great that this movie recognizes that he started off as a member of Spider-Man's rouge's gallery. And, sure, he lacks the depth that Vincent D'Onofrio had in Daredevil. But he's still pretty threatening and even terrifying, being the character that allows this movie to earn its PG rating. 

Plus, his motivation is...good enough. It's not the best thing in the world, but it works just enough to be believable for this character, all while explaining why he's working hard to, you know, break the universe. So, yeah, a solid villain for one of the best superhero movies of all time.

The fact that it's Peter Parker that technically caused the other Spider-People to show up is amazing to me. It proves that without meaning to, he still manages to find a way to save the day. Even if that means pulling other Spider-People from their dimensions...which is ultimately killing them. Yeah, isn't that just classic Peter Parker bad luck for ya?

Also, heh, you can see Peter B. Parker and the others fly away from the explosion. That's funny.

Peter's last words to Miles...Wow. It's one of those moments you know that he knows that he's not going to make it out this time. So, in his last moments, Peter offers as much advice as he can to Miles, telling him what needs to be done and how to do it. What I love most is the fact that he still cracks jokes and still gives Miles the false hope that he'll "catch up," showing that, above all else, Peter cares about making people feel safe and secure. Again, he really is the Every-Spider-Man...Or was, at least.

Peter's eye-roll at Prowler. Even at death, he's still making us laugh.

Miles is a coward...It feels weird to say that's something I love about this film, but it's true. Miles starting off as someone who runs and hides instead of trying to help Peter Parker does the job to make it even more satisfying when Miles eventually does find courage and confidence in being a Spider-Man. 

Also, his guilt seems more reasonable here than it does in the comics. Miles' guilt in the comics stems from not being there to help Ultimate Peter Parker, even though there's not really anything Miles could have done to help, and Peter was already as good as dead before Miles knew he could help. Here, while it's a lot more likely Miles could die, I do understand his guilt as he's right there and able to do something rather than nothing. So not only does Miles' cowardice set up a great character arc, but it also does its job in making him feel better guilt than his comic counterpart. So, nice job all around.

This version of The Prowler is amazing. His motif, his outfit, his silent badassery. It’s just so perfect.

Miles runs home to his family and not to the school...because his family is where he feels the safest. That just hit me--GAH, THIS MOVIE'S GREAT!

Miles' mom is so sweet. She's mostly remembered for one line, reassuring Miles that their family doesn't run away from things, but that one line proves to you all what you need to know: She's there to tell Miles what he needs to hear, even though she doesn't entirely know how much he needed to hear it. Such a great mom.

New York's reaction to Spider-Man's death. You feel it in everybody, literally everybody. Just the number of people showing up to his funeral proves how much he earned the title of "Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man."

Best. Stan Lee cameo. Ever. This movie came out a month after Stan Lee passed away, and I feel like Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse did the best job of honoring him. Spider-Man really is Stan's greatest co-creation (with help from Steve Ditko, of course), and the best Spider-Man movie being one of the last he made an appearance in really hits hard. RIP, Stan. Thank you and Steve Ditko for the hero that is loved by all.

It's also neat that Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse has a better reason why Miles is wearing a Halloween costume when dressing up as Spider-Man. It was done in the comics to make him easily hide his identity, but it's also in poor taste, to the point where even the characters in the comics point out how it's poor taste. Here, Miles buys the costume in tribute to Spider-Man when going to Peter Parker's funeral, like a lot of people have done. And, well, he already has it, so he might as well continue to use it. Man, this movie really is trying to make Miles' origin story better than it was in the comics, huh?

This movie manages to do the "Jump/Pussy" scene from Venom, and not only is it funnier, but it's also done better. At first, you're laughing at Miles giving up despite the music epically building up about how he's about to jump. But then, after he gives up the first time, he tries again, using a smaller building because he thinks it'll be easier. This movie took a funny scene, then twisted it to visually tell us how determined Miles is to do the right thing! You see, Venom? This is how you actually make a good movie!

Peter B. Parker's narration does a great job of underlining the contrast between him and Peter Parker (also, for consistency, I'll be calling him Peter B. for the rest of the review. It's simpler). While Peter's narration reveals to us his success and zeal for the life he has, Peter B.'s is all about his failures and how much he's given up on life. Already, it's a quick and easy way of proving how different both Peters are, and I don't mind it. Primarily because each narration works well for the film's main running joke and because Peter B.'s is the funniest because what he says clashing with what is shown. I still laugh at that hard cut of him crying in the shower, as mean as that sounds.

The seahorse bit. I mean, come on. The fact that he gets choked up about seahorses mating for life always gets to me.

While Peter B. is getting sucked into the portal, knowing there's no stopping it, his first priority is to get his mask. That tells me that despite how far life beat him with the bad luck stick, he still knows the number one rule of being Spider-Man: Always bring your mask. 

Also, he tries to save the pizza...which makes me chuckle. I won't lie.

Peter B. and Miles getting pulled/dragged through the city is the best type of chaos. It's great knowing that while the animation is perfect for some epic fight scenes, it also has some impeccable slapstick.

Peter B. is the Spider-Man that rejects the code: With great power comes great responsibility. That part of Peter B. always intrigues me, and it makes sense. He was beaten down because of great responsibility, so even though it was the last words of his Uncle Ben, he'd rather live without them. Yet that doesn't mean he's done with being a good person. He's tired and burnt out, sure. But he still helps Miles once realizing that he can't just walk away from someone that needs him. It presents an interesting dynamic, for while Peter B. has to teach Miles how to be Spider-Man, Miles is there to help Peter B. remember how to be Spider-Man. Not a lot of people bring that up, and it's what I admire about their relationship.

I don't know about you all, but the diner scene always makes me want burgers and fries, without fail. It just makes the food look so good! Too bad it comes from a restaurant with a C-grade health code...Oh, so that's why it closed down six years ago in Peter B.'s universe.

Aside from their narrations, Peter B.'s advice also clashes with Peter's. Peter B. always offers more practical stuff, telling Miles what to do so he won't lose his mind while being Spider-Man. It works with Peter B.'s character and, once again, proves how he couldn't be further different from Peter Parker. With that said, Peter B. still offers great advice from time to time. Granted, it's when things are actually serious and during danger, but, hey, at least he tries.

Peter B. and Miles thinking is perfect and earned being a meme.

Peter B. coming up with the plan. It proves that he's both intuitive for coming up with it so quickly and simple-minded in thinking it would be that easy. Plus, Miles' interjections offer great humor.

Peter B. saying teenagers are the worst always gets a chuckle out of me because of the fact that Spider-Man is the superhero widely remembered for being a teenager.

Olivia Octavius. GOOD! GOLLY! MISS MOLLY, what a twist! Now, there are a few minuscule hints making it more obvious in hindsight, like the octagon decorating surrounding her and what looks like an arm prototype behind Peter B. With that said, however, I WAS SHOCKED IN THEATERS! This kooky lady who, at first, seems ecstatic to see Peter B. turns out to be an alternate version of one of his worst enemies and was actually fascinated by how he got there and how to kill him. Such a good scene that never fails to give me chills!

And the fight that comes after it is equally intense, fun, and epic.

The funniest moment in the movie is the monitor gag. That is all.

BAGEL! By the way, someone actually cosplayed as that scientist who got BAGELED! Not really a fun fact about the movie, but it is a fun fact about life.

Gwen's narration is probably the most beneficial. Nearly everybody knows about Peter Parker, and I think enough people know about Miles, but I'm not sure how well-known Spider-Gwen was before the movie (and, yes, I know she's called Spider-Woman or Ghost Spider. It's just that Spider-Gwen's more fun to say. Leave me alone). People might know of her but not so much about her whole deal and origins. So, it helps that the movie flies by her origins, telling newcomers what they need to know and leaving them to learn the rest from her comics.

Also, Gwen, come on. Miles is the reason you got that dope haircut in the first place. Let him compliment it.

ALSO also, Gwen's a pretty fun character. I have some problems with how she's in the story, but I do love her punk-rock personality and how she's basically the only Spider-Person with a functioning brain cell...Except for that Gwanda bit, but we don't talk about that. Despite some flaws, Gwen's a character with a lot of humor and solid character interactions, especially with Miles.

Gwen and Miles are adorable together. Have I mentioned that? Because it's true. They don't have much time to develop their relationship (that's for future movies to do), but the time they do have is still pretty darn cute.

Kingpin's flashback is beautifully animated while also paying homage to the art style of the comic his design is based on. It's pretty cool that this already brilliantly animated movie still manages to find different ways to look gorgeous.

This movie has the best Aunt May. Don't argue, Raimi nerds! You know it's true! She kicks ass, accepting of Peter's secret, looks old, and has some pretty snappy one-liners. You see this woman and understand how Peter Parker came to be the man he is--Er, was. If you have a problem with this Aunt May, you can take it up with the baseball bat she used to beat Tombstone. Tombstone! How can you hate an old woman who can do that?!

As for May's interaction with Peter B., it's--Say it with me now--perfect. They're both basically meeting ghosts of people they loved, and May and Peter B. interact the same as if it was the version of each other they've always known. There is genuine heartbreak and love in each of their voices, and you feel every bit of it. Even the jokes about Peter B. being fat and wearing sweatpants doesn't spoil the moment but add to it, showing May's distaste over a version of her nephew letting himself go. It's snark, but snark from the love of a woman who's basically his mother. What did you expect?

The Spider-Cave is awesome! Little weird that Peter Parker, a character known for being as poor as dirt in the comics, has this, but then you remember something: The merchandise. This was a Peter who whored himself out with cereal, Christmas albums, and so-so popsicles. Heck, even the Spider-Buggy, also from the comics, was promotional material. This means that Peter Parker made BANK on the stuff he made, so much so that he was able to afford a cave that would make Batman jealous. It might not be one-for-one the exact explanation for how he has it, but the movie offers enough information to make it a reasonable conclusion anyway.

I want a Spider-Noir movie. I don't care if it's animated or not. I want a gosh dang Spider-Noir movie. And it has to be played by Nicholas Cage. It wouldn't be right if it wasn't because he’s the reason that Spider-Noir is the funniest character in the movie.

I love that every single Spider-Person is totally on board with staying behind and leaving their homes forever if it's the only way to get the others back to where they belong. They're definitely Spider-People, alright. Nobel sacrifices like that are all a part of the DNA.

The scene where the others put a lot of pressure on Miles results in complicated feelings. On the one hand, it's not cool for them to do this. On the other, you understand why. This isn't the typical stopping a mugger or fighting a c-lister. This is a fight to save the multiverse with dozens of people who will make the mission all the more dangerous. The pressure they're making Miles feel is close to what they'll be dealing with in the fight with Kingpin, so what they're doing is somewhat validated through the current circumstances. I may not like it, but I do understand it.

And I've got to give Peter B. credit for being both Miles' hype man and telling the other Spider-People to cool it with the pressure. Out of all of them, he understands Miles a little better and wants to keep the poor boy sane. It's pretty sweet.

Jefferson reaching out to Aaron is also pretty dang heartwarming. You can tell there's some definite tension between the two, but they're still brothers. Family loves family, no matter the mistakes (unless your family is reasonably toxic, in which case, you cut them out yesterday). Jefferson reaching out is a testament to that...Even if Aaron might not have deserved it--Yeah, let's get into that.

The reveal of Aaron being the Prowler...Where do I even begin? Fellow comic nerds already knew this was coming, but that doesn't stop this reveal from hurting. The part that gets me is the score. It expertly portrays the amount of fear and betrayal Miles is feeling at this moment, to the point where you don't even need to see what's happening to understand something tragic is going down.

The chase scene that follows is also pretty intense, added with the red sky and the several moments where Miles barely gets away. It's...You know what it is. It's f**king perfect.

Scorpion looks cool. A little weird, sure, but still pretty badass and intimidating.

My favorite fight in the movie might just be the Spider-People battling the...Fearsome Fivesome? Alright, whatever they're called, they're part of a fun and chaotic fight scene, with playing keep away with the Goober being what adds much-needed tension.

Uncle Aaron's death. I love that they let Aaron die a good man, willing to back down so Miles could go free. It's definitive proof that he actually cared for his nephew, to the point where the first thing Aaron felt upon realizing it was Miles was pure fear. Like, "Oh, crap! Not only did I almost kill my brother's son, but this boy is now in some deep s**t! I gotta help him!" And I appreciate that the writers made Aaron a decent human being rather than a diabolical scumbag who wanted to take advantage of Miles or a coward who tried to kill him because he was too scared to fail Kingpin. Even when Aaron's dying, the first thing he does is apologize for letting Miles down, a sentiment that's as sweet as it is tragic. Aaron may not have been a perfect man, but he died wanting to protect Miles, the love for his nephew overshadowing his greed. And I think that redemption is worth everything.

And, MAN, is his death a gut punch! The writers certainly succeeded in giving Miles his Uncle Ben Moment, with Aaron's last words being motivational in telling Miles to "keep going" and how he's the best of them. It's a bittersweet moment, and Miles' dad mistaking Miles to be Aaron's killer doesn't make things any better.

What is sweet, though, is how all the Spider-People are there for Miles, sharing the tragedy they all went through and confirming that the hardest part about being Spider-Man is losing the people you love. And the biggest miracle is that THE CARTOON PIG DOESN'T RUIN THIS MOMENT! Seriously, what does it say about this movie where the character who's practically a Looney Tune manages to keep the emotional weight of the scene going?

Peter B. being tough with Miles...Ouch. It was necessary. Peter B. was doing it as one final test, giving Miles one last chance that he could come through when it matters. The others were even right outside his window, ready and hoping to let Miles join them. But it wasn't meant to be, and it stings to see Miles at this low point. Thankfully, he has someone to pull him out of this funk.

Jefferson's talk with Miles...Told you I'd get to the emotional stuff. But joking aside, this scene...left my eyes a little steamy this time around. Jefferson visually meets Miles halfway and pours his heart out, sharing the feelings Jefferson usually kept guarded except for a moment when it mattered. Sure, Jefferson doesn't know all the facts about the current tragedy he and Miles are going through, but the words he provides give Miles the spark he needs. The spark that Jefferson has always seen in Miles. And the spark that Miles uses to free himself to take that one last step to being Spider-Man. Or, rather, one last leap.

The "What's Up Danger" scene. Do I really need to explain what makes this scene incredible? I know I keep saying the word perfect a lot with this review, but that's really the best way to describe so much of this movie, especially with this moment. The visuals of Miles rising instead of falling and swinging through the city in succession are awe-inspiring. The score mixing in Miles' hero motif with "What's Up Danger," resulting in a moment that's as pleasant on the ears as it is on the eyes. All of it culminates together for a scene that delivers all of the hype, creating a moment where Miles is no longer Miles Morales. He's f**king Spider-Man. And he earned that title.

Also, a small thing, I love that Miles' suit is one of Peter Parker's, but spray-painted black with Miles' interpretation of the Spider-Man logo. It shows Miles stepping into Peter Parker's shoes but doing it in his own style. It's just a great little detail that not a lot of people mention.

Did Kingpin seriously throw a memorial service for the guy he killed? What a filthy, disgusting man...I love him!

The bread scene is hilarious. It involves a pointless character, but I can't help but crack up at how Peter B.'s attempt to find closure with MJ is through him apologizing about not getting her table bread. Peter B. saying, "I want to fill this room up with bread," is just the cherry on top this hilarious sundae.

I really dig Olivia saying, "Goodbye, Peter Parker." You can tell by the way she said it that she wanted to be the one to kill Spider-Man.

Miles coming in to deliver that punch at Doc Ock is a laptop background in the making.

I love how in a situation where the universe is crumbling apart around them, and bad guys are shooting at them all, THAT is the moment when Peter B. realizes that he wants kids. I'm telling you, most of the time, this movie is just naturally funny.

As for the situation they're in, the collider fight is, without a doubt, the most insane final battle in a Spider-Man movie. All the universes merging and tearing the place apart forces the characters to fight as the environment morphs and forms around them, making it a battle where anything could go down. It results in a pretty fun climax, and I love how the colors match the light tone this fight is going for...remember that. It's gonna come back later.

Spider-Ham DESTROYING Scorpion after he dissed cartoons is an exact representation of what the animation community wants to do when someone calls animation kids' stuff or silly. Let it be known that we'd wreck your shop too if we could.

I love how Miles swinging up to the top of the collider incorporates lessons from both Peter Parkers. Obviously, there's the way Miles copied his universe's Peter moves to get up there, but stealing away the Goober by throwing back Peter B.'s "don't watch the mouth, watch the hands" motto adds a little extra that I appreciate.

Miles' goodbye to Peter B. is a culmination of their arcs, where Miles, the student, finally becomes the master, being the one to trip up Peter B. (with the same move he used on Miles, no less) and tells him to get his s**t together and go home. Peter B. taught Miles a lot, letting him see the importance of Spider-Man, the pressure he has to go through, and the faith he must have. And here comes Miles spitting all that back at Peter B., adding more to how they teach each other how to be their better selves. And I relish that!

Remember how I said the colors were bright in the collider, matching the fun of the climax? Well, the second it's just Miles and Kingpin, the colors become darker and more intense, matching the tone of this final battle between good and evil. It makes things way more cinematic and visually pleasing, so kudos...to whoever I give kudos to in this case. There are SO MANY people responsible for animating a single second--Literally, a single second of animation that it's hard to tell who deserves more credit half the time.

As for the fight itself, IT'S AS INTENSE AS THE COLORS IMPLY IT IS! You feel the beating Kingpin gives Miles, but despite how violent it is, there were always these small glimmers of hope that Miles might get the upper hand. That hope gets beaten down by Kingpin's cartoonishly big fist, but there is still hope nonetheless. And it would grow through the most unexpected places.

Is it a little ludicrous that Jefferson is right there to give the most essential words any Spider-Man needs to learn? Oh, absolutely. Without a doubt. But is it still heartwarming that Jefferson still tells Spider-Man to get up despite thinking he killed Aaron, further proofing how Jefferson's always there to tell Miles what he needs to hear when it's important? You'd better gosh dang believe it.

Miles using the shoulder touch on Kingpin is the best. In a way, that lets Miles and Aaron get revenge.

Seeing into the Spider-verse (ha!) is a gorgeous sight to behold, both for the audience and for Miles.

DID THEY HAND DRAW THAT EXPLOSION?! Gosh DANG IT, this movie is insane!

Dang, Jefferson allowing Miles to throw up his art on the wall warms the heart to the fullest it's ever been when watching this movie. He really wants to do better in reaching out to Miles, even if Jefferson still lays down the ground rules for how Miles should express himself.

And Spider-Man hugging Jefferson is equal parts touching and hilarious.

I'm noticing a pattern. My favorite Spider-Man movies are ones where Spidey webs up the big bad for the police to pick up. Instead of, you know...killing them. I loved it in Spider-Man: Homecoming, and I especially adore it here.

The one-take of Miles walking through the streets as Spider-Man mirrors how he did it at the beginning of the movie and contrasts the one-take at his school. It illustrates that he regained his confidence because how could he not after all the s**t he went through. I'd feel pretty big about myself too.

Miles' final narration does well in tying everything together, recapping events, showing how everyone else is doing, and stating the big lesson of the movie. A lesson that Stan Lee himself believed in, as he always thought that what makes Spider-Man amazing is that anyone, anyone at all, could be under that mask. No matter who they are or what they look like, anybody has the potential to represent the ideals of Spider-Man. And while I'm not a fan of movies spelling out their messages to the audience...It's a Spider-Man movie. Narrating to the audience is as essential for the ending as the final swing is, and this one has both! All around, a good ending...with a tease for more.

Though I will admit, it's not every day when I say that a movie's credits are as visually pleasing as the rest of the film.

And while Stan Lee's cameo is a great final tribute to him, ending the movie with one of his quotes is just as spectacular. Again, rest in peace, Stan.

By the way, I adore "Spider-Bells." Not only does it crack me up that Peter has a mental breakdown halfway through singing it, but it also means this movie is a Christmas movie...Because if people can call Die Hard a Christmas movie, then I can call Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse a Christmas movie too. Leave me alone.

As for final teasers, Spider-Man 2099 looks dope and I cannot wait to see him tear Miles apart in Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse...That felt weird to say, but let the record show that I said with love!

And they got the pointing meme in. Yup, I adore this movie!

So, a pretty flawless film, right?

…Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell–

Ok, I want to make it clear that while there are problems to be had, they don't spoil the movie. Most of them are just nitpicks that always bothered me personally, so don't take them too seriously. With that said...

Where did the spider come from? It's the thing that fundamentally changes Miles' life, and we never really got an answer for that.

Why did Gwen double back on revealing her name? Gwen's a pretty common name to have. And, odds are, the one in this universe looks vastly different to her. We already know Peter B. Parker is different from Miles' Peter Parker, so it's not too much of a stretch. Plus, even if Gwen looks the same, the Gwen we know within this movie is already risking a lot by being out as herself, so why change the name? I know it's a small thing, but like I said, it always bothered me.

And while we're on the topic of Gwen, I'm not a fan of her backstory. Not her origin story, that's fine. But the fact that she was in Miles' universe for a whole week and her spider-sense told her to go to his school is...confusing? If being in Miles' universe is literally killing her, how is she not dead already? And how does spider-sense tell her to go to a new school? As far as I can tell, spider-sense is an alarm system that gives a Spider-Person total awareness of everything around them. Not to act as an instruction manual of what to do in life. I take it that this is an excuse to get her and Miles to interact more and form more of a romantic bond, which I'm fine with because they're adorable together. It's just that I wish this was done in a way that made more sense because, as is, it's making my brain hurt.

Kingpin's design...is laughable. Apparently, it's paying homage to a Daredevil comic's artist interpretation of the character, which I guess it's cool...but he looks ridiculous. And don't get me wrong, I love it when superhero animation goes for a more stylistic approach with heroes and villains instead of a realistic one. It's why Spectacular Spider-Man is my favorite Spider-Man show as opposed to others, because every character looks unique from one another, especially the villains. And while Kingpin certainly looks unique...it's a little too much, and it's the one thing I never take seriously with this film.

Green Goblin! One of the most important and influential villains in Spider-Man's line-up...is wasted as canon fodder, dying just as fast as he's introduced. Kind of disappointing.

Spider-Noir, Peni Parker, and Spider-Ham are great characters. They're each animated in great styles that perfectly convey they're from another universe, have some great jokes, and are overall a good time. The problem? They're...not necessary. You can cut these three out of the movie, and nothing will change. I wouldn't mind if they were characters who were there to add fluff and nothing else, but they're there to also add emotional weight to the story. Take Peni's sadness about SP/dr getting destroyed or the characters all saying goodbye to Miles. I can tell that they're all meant to be heart wrenching moments, but we hardly spend time with these characters to feel like it's earned. Miles barely got time to spend with them, so that, right there, takes the punch out of their sad farewells. Again, they're great characters, and I do love that they're a part of this movie. The only problem is that they're in too short of a film to really deserve the emotional beats.

The Spider-People hiding from Miles' roommate might be the ONE joke that fits the more "In your face" style like other Marvel movies. It spoiled the serious momentum before it, and I feel like they kept it in for the sake of a trailer clip.

Hey! Mary Jane Watson is the worst part of a Spider-Man movie! Yeah, go figure. She's an essential part of Peter's life, but there's no personality to either version of the character we see in this movie. Calling her an over-glorified plot device would be generous.  Sorry, MJ, but a Spider-Man movie has, once again, done you dirty. But at least you're pretty good in the MCU...Don't give me that look. You know it's true.

I don't mind Kingpin failing to kill Miles. Villains will stupidly allow the heroes to gain the second wind, and you just need to accept that in superhero media...BUT HOW THE ACTUAL HELL DID MILES, HIS DAD AND ALL THE OTHER NORMAL LIVING PEOPLE SURVIVE THAT EXPLOSION! Look at it! It was massive!

But, seriously, that’s all I have.

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse is the best Spider-Man movie. Nerds and losers debate about which of the live-action films are better but note how rarely anyone denies Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse being on top. Can you blame them? With game-changing animation, amazing characters, and a story showcasing everything that's to love about Spider-Man, you cannot get better than this. I look forward to the rest of this trilogy, but I have already accepted that Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse will forever remain at the best that there is, and it'll take actual flawless perfection to change my mind.