#like sure its that deep but also it isnt idk 😭

[ghostlypawn]

i think you directioners may be thinking about yourselves a bit too much

[skitskatdacat63]

"Arrogant, ruthless, and by all reports (including his own) utterly charming."

(I don't know why I drew this but please take Revolutionary War British officer George, I think it suits him, okay!!!)

+ George Russell the type of guy to t-pose in front of rebels

+ the usual

Okay first of all, process, as always:

I drew this in one day hahaha....Actually really fun! I haven't finished anything in almost a month, and haven't painted for even longer, so I'm kinda dying at the fact that 18th century George Russell got me motivated 😭 Sometimes when painting, I realize I have free will and can actually just start painting over the lineart, and that's the best moment of every drawing process 🙏

Also I'm very proud of his face!!! I've said before, but art progression is such a weird thing. You'll keep repeating to your self "I'm no good at [insert art thing.]" And then randomly realized you can in fact do it. That's me with drawing real people's faces 😭 I'm just so shocked I got his face pretty good in one try!!!

Okay about the pose and quote. God its so fun to misappropriate quotes for my own evil deeds. Both of these are from this one officer from the Revolution: Banastre Tarleton. Idk, I randomly saw his painting in a history video, and it's stuck in my mind ever since. And then yesterday, bcs I spent a lot of time looking at George, I'm like "hey you know what he kinda reminds me of-" and thus we have this.

I just found that quote about him from some historian to be funny, so I put it as a caption, as I would with Napoleon. This won't be an AU by any means but. I think if George was in the Revolution, he'd be the most stereotypical, evil British villain in American media type guy ever. And Tarleton is kinda that guy tbh, to the point where him and others like Arnold Benedict are the poster boys of evil Revolution guys. He even has a mocking nickname! "Bloody Tarleton/Ban", very "Osama bin Russell," no? 😭

Some notable moments from Tarleton's campaign that I think fit George: Apparently killed a bunch of American soldiers after they surrendered, making sure everyone was dead(😭😭), threatened to burn an American general's house down to make him surrender and then took him hostage, went toe to toe with George Washington himself and Washington even taunted him and Tarleton got a shot in, has a helmet named after him(very slayful.)

[yuukei-yikes]

i was thinking abt how ayano and shintaro r the only two characters who ever die by suicide (shintaro is only in some routes but STILL.) and like how that's a way of showing that they had the potential to understand each other (bc in my opinion they r actually very similar) but not until either of them were dead. idk does this make sense? i just thought of this today so this thought isnt very refined yet i need to think abt it more

they ARE similar!!!!! i totally agree. shintaro and ayano are totally similar people. they're both Justice Seekers but are so depressed and have such horrible self worth they can't actually be proactive about things. but then they are :3

i wish we got ayano pov from hs and why she liked shintaro. I've always thought ayano's crush on him is...cute!!! because she's literally going thru the horrors, her mom died, her dad is being Strange, and she has to take care of the house and her siblings all alone PLUS later learning of all the horrible stuff about the daze and clearing. and yet. she's also a normal hs girl who has a silly crush on her classmate. not that we ever saw it but i definitely think ayano got to see at least once the shintaro we see who fights for good and doesn't let fear get to him like when he yells at the fucking terrorists or acts all cool when they face clearing in the novels. i think ayano got to see shintaro being Heroic or whatever and she was like THIS is the kind of guy we need to be recruiting in the mekakushi dan🔥🔥🔥 like seriously im delusional abt this but i think there should be a shinaya backstory abt this.

man i wish we saw more hs shinaya😭😭😭😭😭 im so mad that they only ever show shintaro being a fucking asshole lord in hs like im not rooting for you bitch FAST FORWARD NOW but the fact ayano knows shintaro likes music and shoujo manga etcetc its clear ayano and shintaro had normal ass conversations all the time. SHOW THEM TO MEEEEEE whatever. i dont even care <- cares

anyways i just wanted to say i think ayano does Kind of understand shintaro. i also wish we saw ayano think of shintaro in the entire conjecture with clearing eyes killing haruka and takane and her sacrificing herself for them and the mekatrio. Go listen to full disclosure from steven universe and you will understand my ayano vision for this. sorry that was weird. i think ayano wanted to keep shintaro as uninvolved as possible, haruka and takane were inevitably already in it. she just wanted to make sure to take them Out of it but shintaro.. i think ayano always had the feeling shintaro would get involved. i think ayano gravitates towards shintaro because she needed help and she needed a hero and deep down she knew this was him. but she never manages to properly reach out or even understand it i guess. but i think ayano did understand shintaro maybe even more he understood himself. on the other hand shintaro DID NOT understand ayano AT ALL but like you said, he could have. who knows how things had gone if shintaro had walked in when he saw ayano crying in the classroom!!! imagine ayano managing to pour her heart out and tell him what's gonna happen to their friends and her family. he would've helped. shintaro would've done something. but ayano wouldn't want him to bc he would get hurt but at the same time she WOULD want him to because she's so scared and alone and desperate for help *holds head *

also i always make myself insane abt shintaro and ayano being depressed legends who wanna die. while haruka and takane struggle with health problems and want to Live So Badly. sorry for bringing up harutaka Hi its me tumblr user yuukei yikes vinnie i will ALWAYS make it about harutaka. i just wanted to say that. shinaya who wanna die and tragedy arises from never meeting in the middle and not being able to understand each other vs harutaka who wanna live more than anything and tragedy arises from being forcibly separated.

ayano's words to takane when she's projecting so hard. there are times you want to tell someone something but you wind up being too late. ayano was never gonna say anything to shintaro because she didnt Want to. she knew what she was going to the roof for. while takane immediately makes a run for it to say something to haruka, she is just too late and has no control over her fate. whatever im normal!

[evansbby]

that’s how i read self insert fics too babe like i’m watching a movie or a show or something and y/n is just a character and is never me i even use an actual name that isnt mine in my head when i come across (y/n) i’m sure the reason is well imbedded in low self-esteem and self-image issues lol but its just more fun too to read it like that ig

Really? I don’t personally think it’s bc of low self esteem issues, i just… never have imagined y/n as myself IDEK even when I was super young! For me it’s just more fun to consume reader insert fanfic as I would consume a tv show or movie, as you said! And I don’t use ANY name, I just pronounce y/n as “why-en” if that makes sense 😂😂😭😭 although when I write my own fics I don’t even use y/n bc I find that cringey IDEK WHY so I just don’t use any name 😭😂

I think a part of my DOES imagine myself but like not really? But yes? But also no? IDK how to explain it. Like when I daydream about fanfics or scenarios with Steve or Ari, I imagine myself 😂😂😂😂 but I think it also has to do with how we don’t physically perceive ourselves and don’t truly know how we look??? Like I find it very hard to visualise/picture myself in my head??? But I can easily picture other people’s faces, just not really my own???

IDK it’s so complicated but tbh IDEC it’s never been that deep to me I just like reading smut and angsty stories and alwyas have hehehe

[fanficmustread]

Ive seen so many arguments for the shipping things in poppys playtime. I kinda get where all of you are coming from, but let me lay down some facts that we know from chapter 1,2, 3 and all the lore we've as a whole collected. So yes toys were made but the people in them didnt technically die, lived bc poppys typically contain opium, and then their memories were mostly wiped as they were immortalized as toys. Their organs? Intact and growing, as well as bones as we can clearly see with catnap. Not to mention we know they lived because if they died it would be a failed experiment. We see this when dead mice dont live in a failed experiment before. (Or at least from what i can remember i will probably go on a deep dive soon to find all of the lore once more.) The death dates are so the playtime co doesnt get idk sued or something. Better to say "We couldn't save him/her/them 🥺👉👈" then to say "We turned this kid from a kid to A CAT TOY!! 😎😎😎" 😭😭😭 Things we dont know are if their brains develop more as time goes by, personally i think they do because they went insane. (Dont stop reading here it gets better) Thats also why they can eat, and they need protein to grow probably, which is why i think catnap is also the way he is and dogday and poppy didnt get much, if any, substance. Now what we really should be thinking of isnt what age are they so we can ship them but more is it morally okay to ship the monsters?

Personally no, no its not. I agree that theyre 10 years older sure but i dont think they have the mental processing for a deep romantic relationship. Im not trying to be rude but they were stuck in a factory underground for practically their whole lifes. I just want them to be free and happy or to die peacefully because they obviously didnt get either no matter how you read the games. Not to mention the lack of health lessons for any of those things. Heck the lack of any real teachings and all, they dont know how to mow a lawn. Or how to fly a kite, these guys never experienced a soda called a surge yet they lived in that sodas life time. Stop judging people for what they do but like also think about what you're shipping and how you can make stuff not problematic. Also if you're looking for a human au i made one on my art account @artmustdraw anyones welcome to use it like a base for most any ship with the critters. Or even a base for their own au idc just give me a like and reblog if you use it at all lol. (Kissy and huggy are already married it it and i havent decided on what im doing with Mommy longlegs yet)

One last thing, the cartoon versions of the critters arent the monster versions. Think about it like this, the bigger bodies toys didnt have any part of making the cartoon except maybe inspiring it to be made and maybe watched some of the episodes. If the experiments were done pre cartoon. In the cartoon its safe to assume that theyre all adults due to having their own houses with no parents in sight. Rather then like an orphanage where a bunch of scientists are looking at you like youre a prime rib. (Do yall get my point? I hope so anyway thats the end of my rant lol)

[matrixwhore]

Hi! I love your blog ☺️

What are your fave theories of where or what Lestat is doing in the current timeline? How do you imagine they’ll finally see each other again in the present day? I know that I will go feral tho

🥹💕 aawwe hiii

Thank you! I appreciate you saying that. I like the Theories that Lestat might be in like a deep slumber and they are trying to get him up as this is going to put Louis in danger and Lestat would wake up to protect him. (at this point i need to see him raise actual hell behind Louis as much as i need to see him die and suffer multiple times. but love him. but i also hate him and i want to see him hysterically cry and go through PAIN like. its complicated okay!? he’s a fantastic character.) Maybe he’s underground in a deep sleep somewhere else, but there has been a theory that he might be the groan in the tower. and I wonder how that might be. I thought that was really interesting. especially with the aspects that Louis been taking care of him trying to get him up to no avail.

I like the theory that maybe he isn't sleeping, but hasn't done his rockstar era yet so we’ll get a modernized version of that. to couple this with a theory about his music. i like this theory that he’s like more of this underground artist that Armand is aware of and Louis isnt.

i like the theory that we might see a drop off the tower in Dubai. That it might be Armand who tosses Lestat off it. Though I’m thinking if this were the case it would have to be combined with him being awake and out there and that the interview makes him show up??? Im not sure how this will go. but I am a fan of seeing their dynamic like I sooo badly want to see Armand and Lestat at each other’s necks. like in each others faces like there might be a kiss but they won’t cause they fighting and arguing and the like. Assad and Sam playing off each other is gonna be so so good. like im ready to have my head blown panties blown off

ALSO i like the theory that David been cancelled all my homies hate david 🤭 and he’s being combined into Daniel. That Lestat might tell Daniel his story. I gotta say Daniel and Lestat in a scene together gonna send me into the stratosphere. I listened to like the first page of TVL on a youtube audiobook recording thing bc I wanted to see if that post about how it starts was real. I cannot even believe how accurate that was lmao. I’d love to seee Daniel take in Lestat telling his story. like starting him off with that description of himself as if Daniel isnt looking right at him. Sam would EAT. and Eric playing against is all these insane vampires would be incredible. They all play into the comedy soo well. like i expect absurdity at the highest level. It’d be interesting to watch Louis listen to Lestat talk about his end of things too you know? especially where Claudia is concerned as well. Like doesnt Lestat call up her ghost? so what if he’s done that you know? and he talks about that and that’s something Louis doesnt know yet? idk im speculating from a place of not knowing so please jump in if you know how that actually plays out. and like if Daniel does get pieces of David’s story then doesn't that mean Lestat would be kinda into him? I need this old man to get passed around is what im getting at 😭

(ohh re: daniel as david… will he be a part of the totbt stuff too!? oh that would be cool from what ive heard of it)

[vanana-r0tat3]

some pre-game batim headcanons :>

Henry: - all he does is eat hot chip be bisexual and lie /j - has a preference for women so i think him realizing hes not straight is like hey wait a minute hey wait wait - joey was his gay awakening,,, real -gets burnout super easy, it probably frustrates him a lot when he cant draw - drawing is a big comfort for him - has pretty bad social anxiety, but has become pretty good at dealing with it!

Joey: - gay. this man is not into women at all sorry 💀 "i just dont have time for girls" yeah sure fruitcake - watch me project once again and give this man bpd. like im sorry his whole thing with henry?? im not even explaining it but if you get it you get it yea - also definitely has adhd - wheelchair user !! he is able to walk, but he still needs the wheelchair when flare ups get real bad. he is stubborn though and refuses to use it at work or when hes out of the house

more under the cut !!

Wally: - he has adhd, obviously - transgender !! i feel like hes a gnc binary trans man - hes straight to me, but his gf/wife is also trans >:D t4t win - i feel like he likes to gossip. the thought of him, norman, shawn, maybe even jack whispering to eachother in a corner about some random secrets theyve overheard is super funny to me

Sammy: - AUTISM... hes autistic - gets overwhelmed and overstimulated super easily, hence why hes always so irritable - yknow what im giving him bipolar. hes my comfort character and i get to project my mental illness !! - hes gay and demiromantic - honestly? transfem i see it. bc like im thinking about how he talks about susies singing like. i know what you are - bad with boundaries.. he is so bad at them and reading social cues - hates being touched, probably is only comfortable with jack for the most part - watch him crush on like half the men mentioned in this post at least once

Norman: - hes also autistic. his sense of humor is so??? 😭 - HES ALSO DEFINITELY AN OLDER GAY GUY. he just has that energy yknow like if you agree - probably would be agender too - him and sammy are that incompatible type of autism havers does this make sense?? like some autistic people i just cant stand because of my autism, our places on the spectrum make it so hard to like them yk? thats norman and sammy - this man definitely has insomnia

Susie: - lesbian. she doesnt know it yet but she is - her calling sammy handsome isnt her being attracted to him its just gender envy 😁 - shes just a feminine transmasc 👍 - rejection sensitive dysphoria out the ASS my poor girl - very insecure deep down, so she overcompensates for it by trying to be a people pleaser n stuff

Allison: - shes bisexual !! has a strong preference for women - shes a trans woman idc idc i love her - AUTISTIC AS HELL - i imagine she had a sibling like relationship with joey - probably one of the few people that could tell him off without like. getting fired lol

Buddy: - adhd and autism,, special intrest in art/drawing - AROACE. the stuff he says about his friendship with dot?? "i didnt know we could just be friends" and him not being too into his first assumption when she pulls him away to show him the bendyland model?? yea - honestly i think he has social anxiety hes doing his best - hes very sensitive over people bringing up him being jewish, he seems so ready to be made fun of or scorned for it :( - definitely some cultural detachment because of it (im projecting again) - i think dot would wanna learn about about it, buddy should teach her stuff!! like traditions and whatnot

Tom: - asexual 👍 - TRANSGENDER. probably would be nonbinary, heavily masc leaning though - he smokes a lot have you heard this man good lord. i dont think allison is a fan of it - anger issues,, mostly caused by stress and a lack of sleep, hes trying his best :( - he has arthritis. hes not old but god do his joints fee like it. he has crutches !! like joey though he only really uses em at home 💀

Jack: - wheelchair user jack my BELOVED idk where the hc came from but im all for it - he cant walk, but is able to get around just fine! watch him try and do wheelies to impress sammy only to almost fall over - 100% autistic as well. him and sammy are able to be autism together - unlabeled aromantic - hes such a loser /loving

Grant: - poor guy gets chronic headaches someone give him some painkillers - hes got generalized anxiety disorder this man cannot get a break - demisexual and demiromantic,, mans is double demi

Shawn: - adhdtism 😭 - LOVES to talk, he could go on for hours dude - i feel like he knows a lot of ridiculously obscure knowledge. for why? dont worry about it - he gives me genderfluid vibes - literally just some guy

[damistrolls]

💥 😭 🍩 🍓 🌙 🌺 🍁 🍃 for Zegrao

💥 what emotions do they have trouble dealing with?

zegrao is actually very good at handling his emotions! one of his best assets is that he can stay really cool under pressure, so i cant really think of a particular emotion that he'd struggle to deal with

😭 what makes them cry? do they cry easily?

zegrao has a pretty good handle on his emotions, but when other people cry, he has a tendency to tear up too. hes a sympathetic crier <3

🍩 favourite sweet treat?

he doesnt have a HUGE sweet tooth, but i think he does like having the occasional hard candy... as a little treat 4 him...

i think its less about the candy itself and more cause it reminds him of when he was a little kid helping out at the church. dovett used to give him little candies bc of the way he'd light up when he got one, so there's good memories there

🍓 do they eat their fruit & veg? what is their favourite fruit or vegetable?

mhm mhm, he makes sure to keep a balanced diet. wants to be in good health. i dunno what his absolute favorite is, but i do think he likes moderately tart fruits, like pomegranates

🌙 what is your oc's greatest wish? how far are they willing to go for it?

his greatest wish is to positively alter the culture on alternia, so that more trolls will be compassionate, respectful, and forgiving with one another :]

and... i mean, he's already going pretty far for it, running a whole church dedicated to such practices! i don't think he'd get more extreme than that, though. for now, he's content just helping trolls on a personal level, and setting them up to continue on his work when he eventually passes the mantle to someone else

🌺 do they have any allergies?

nope!

🍁 what is their favourite season? why?

zegrao's definitely a fall sort of guy. he likes how pretty everything looks during fall, and he thinks its a nice relief after how hot summer can be

🍃 do they enjoy being in nature? what is their favourite outdoor activity?

he likes being outside, but he doesnt especially love being in deep nature, u know? he'd be most happy sitting on a bench in the park, reading a book, rather than idk going on a hike in the woods or smthn. he's not THAT outdoorsy ehehe

🌌 what was the inspiration behind your oc? what was the first thing you decided about them?

well, design-wise, it should be no surprise that he was inspired by the band ghost. i created him around the time i had first discovered the band, and so i couldnt help but wanna take some visual inspiration

but i quickly decided that any and all traits he shared with the band would be pretty superficial, and mostly limited to aesthetics. i knew i wanted him to be a genuinely sweet and gentle-mannered guy who was extremely well-meaning :]

💡 is your oc a planner? do they write down every small detail or just wing it?

he's definitely a planner. he wouldn't go as far as writing every small detail, but he does like to plan ahead and keep some notes to ensure that everything goes smoothly. but he's also flexible if things dont go to plan

🎁 what types of presents would they be most happy to receive? are they good at gift giving?

he isnt actually that big on receiving gifts! he doesnt have a lot of wants, and would far rather someone put their effort towards giving to someone else who might want or need it more

id like to think he himself is pretty good at gift giving :] his gifts are always very well-thought out

👑 what does your oc want to be remembered as? why?

i think he just wants to be remembered as someone who always tried to do the right thing, even when it wasn't simple or easy. he hopes that a legacy like that might encourage others to do the same

��� do they trust people easily? how easily will they turn their back to someone? have they been backstabbed before? will they betray someone if given an ultimatum?

despite how he acts, he isn't actually quick to trust. he has a lot of vulnerable people to watch over, so he tends to be very wary of strangers and newcomers. he's no less warm and welcoming, but he'll tend to discreetly keep an eye on people until he knows for certain that theyre safe

zegrao is extremely forgiving and it would take a LOT for him to turn his back on someone under normal circumstances. the exception is if you try and hurt someone he's committed to protecting. that's like. basically the only way you get into his shit list

hes definitely been backstabbed before, hence why he's cautious

he could definitely betray someone who means his people harm, but its a big no for basically everyone else. he's just. not the betraying sort :( not unless the ultimatum put him in an impossible place

🖍️ what advice would you give to them?

i dont think theres much i could tell him that he doesnt already know! maybe i'd tell him to just keep up the good work sdfjsdjfsd

🌠 if they could make any wish with no repercussions, what wish would they make?

he'd wish for everyone to be a little kinder to each other. a little more respectful and understanding. a little more peaceful. thats all he really wants

💗 GROWING HEART - if they have a crush, is it noticeable? what changes when they're in love?

i think zegrao falls in love a little every day. i think its just his natural state to be a little in love with almost everyone he encounters. i dont even think someone COULD notice because he's just... like that all the time. hes constantly in love

[innocentbeing]

once i made a post saying something like rciel gets more emotionally attached compared to oc despite having better composure or something and like,, THIS IS WHAT I MEANNN

like LOOK how just a few tears fall from ociel’s eyes meanwhile rciel is sobbing his eyes out like his heart was ripped from his chest and smashed all over the floor

like, ociel told his family to go on without him bcos he didnt wanna be the one to always hold them back. like, im sure he appreciated that they’d stay home with him but he also couldnt stand feeling like a burden. like its a mix of self hatred (for being ill, for being the one to hold them back) and loneliness and its only when tanaka praises and comforts him that he lets a few tears fall

RCIEL THO... like ok, obviously he’s crying bc he feels like ociel is leaving him behind and it’s SO CUTE how he’s SO CLINGY. like his mindset seems to be like, “he’s purposely leaving me behind. he’s pushing me away” and instead of letting that bother him or putting his pride first, he’s just like “IM COMING TOO!! I’ll be a toy maker tooo!! 😭😭” LOOL

BUT ANYWAY, so I can’t be sure if there’s more meaning behind his tears (like for example, he never wanted to be earl & finding out his twin is gonna leave him in the future is EXTRA sucky thus triggering the waterworks) but the point is.. the contrast 👁👁 

i think um, oc is a lot more prideful than rc? which like maKES SENSE bcos oc was always taken care of like a sick lil baby which made him feel weak. and like.. something something when ppl belittle him, it pisses him off. as if he has something to prove, you know?? but i could kinda see rciel being like, “lol say what you want about me. idrc” kinda like his papa!

ALSO I WONDER... so rciel’s didn’t throw a tantrum until the next morning sO i wonder what he was doing the rest of the day after ociel told him about his dream. was he like, walking around sulking? LOL. did he try to think it through? im so curious 👀

ALSO SIDE NOTE. i like vincent’s face here? his reaction hearing rciel does not want to continue his studies suhdijs

IDK.. LIKE IDK.. i wonder what thats about 👀👀 what does IT mean.. LOL whats he feeling....... 

maybe like deep down he knew this would happen? he’s not really all that surprised esp compared to everyone else. theyre all saying how rare it is for rc to do that. even rachel was confused SHDUIJ but vincent isnt shocked at alllll.. 👀 wonder why

[nudibutch]

hii advice ask anon here, so for context, im 19 n ive only ever hooked up with guys before n that was ethically icky so it doesnt count in my head🤝. basicallt i dont have a lot of experience being a Participant in sex lol. anyway since covid ended (here) ive been going out more to clubs and bars and it made me realize i can pretty much have sex with a girl anytime i want since i get hit on a lot, and i want to. and im moving soon so im not really into dating rn so hookups r my best bet to do that. but idk how to approach it cause likeee. emotionally im fine with it and i feel like i dont need any accommodation on behalf of the person to make me comfortable or whatever. But physically. cant you TELL of someone has never had sex with a woman. cause i rly dont want them to be able to tell because its not that deep for me and i dont want it to be a thing but like rn for instance i would only feel comfortable being on the receiving end of anything if im just with with a random person bc of emotional reasons. but is that how club hookups even work?? isnt it rude to not want to reciprocate? sorry i know this sounds rambly but im pretty sure ur gonna get it or at least the overall theme😭 tldr:I just feel like if im already in 18+ queer spaces everyone around u assumes youre cool and confident about everythint n im only 50% that and i dont want to have to be in a loving committed relationship to have sex with a girl becayse im not into that rn. Thank u in advance sorry for the long rant and also ur so sweet for making that long reply post i appreciate it

hey there! thanks for elaborating. i'm going to answer the rest of your ask in parts below the cut since there are multiple things i want to comment on.

"anyway since covid ended (here)"

while covid restrictions may have been lifted in your area, still be careful! especially with non-pandemic related illnesses, such as STDs. if you need any pointers on how to have safe sex, especially with someone with a vagina (since I feel like that's less emphasized than condoms and dicks), please ask.

"im not really into dating rn so hookups r my best bet to do that. but idk how to approach it cause likeee. emotionally im fine with it and i feel like i dont need any accommodation on behalf of the person to make me comfortable or whatever."

define "make you comfortable"? hookups don't have to be completely devoid of caring. it's just two people looking for a fun time. if you're nervous, maybe it isn't the time to seek a hookup yet. i can't really tell you if you're ready or not; only you know that. but i do want to remind you that you should feel comfortable during the hookup -- if you aren't comfortable, it won't be an enjoyable experience for you.

for example, the closest thing i came to a "hookup" was a short fling i had (we had sex once and only hung out maybe two or three times). it was a waitress that had given me her number. we met for a date, made sure we both weren't weirdos, and talked a lot about other things and only had sex like 1/3 of the time we did our fling thing. but even during hooking up, we were communicating and checking in and even derailing a little with conversations.

again, your wording here is vague, but i just wanted to remind you that hooking up doesn't need to be super impersonal.

"But physically. cant you TELL of someone has never had sex with a woman."

i think the main thing you need to focus on is listening to the other person. i've had sex with different people, but each new person i have sex with there's an adjustment period because their body likes different things. so it's kind of like i'm having sex for the first time each time. even though i have a general sense of what people like on average, i'm always asking the other person if what i'm doing is good. and a lot of times, i have to change what i'm doing. no harm, no foul, strongly encouraged.

"cause i rly dont want them to be able to tell because its not that deep for me and i dont want it to be a thing"

this is a conflicting statement to me. it sounds like it's important to you, and i think you should really evaluate whether them "being able to tell" is something that will bother you or not. if it's seriously distracting to you, that might cause undue anxiety during sex, which will definitely make it less fun for you.

"for instance i would only feel comfortable being on the receiving end of anything if im just with with a random person bc of emotional reasons. but is that how club hookups even work?? isnt it rude to not want to reciprocate?"

1) you are allowed to have whatever boundaries you want. if that means only receiving, that is 100% okay. in general: it's okay to only want to receive. you aren't selfish.

2) here's how any sex, club hookup or not, should work: you lay out your boundaries. you do not owe that person an explanation unless you want to give one. the person lays out their boundaries. you both say "yeah im okay with that!" and have sex.

if you say "hey, i'm really only okay receiving right now, this is just where i'm at" and they shit on you or pressure you to reciprocate, thats not a person you should be having sex with.

additionally - there are plenty of people out there (like me!) who only want to give and prefer giving. main takeaway is that you should not EVER feel like you need to relinquish your boundaries for someone else, no matter if it's a club hookup or a serious relationship.

"I just feel like if im already in 18+ queer spaces everyone around u assumes youre cool and confident about everythint n im only 50% that"

i'll let you know right now that other people your age have also worried about this exact same thing -- why? because a lot of gay people experience these things later in life for multiple reasons (no out people to date in high school, stayed in closet for safety, etc.) like i said in my last answer to your first ask, performance anxiety is normal. but a lot of gay people your age are in the same boat, and many people don't experience their first kiss or have sex until their 20s, 30s, etc.

you don't owe anyone a "hey ive never had sex with a girl" unless telling them that (or something along those lines) makes you feel better. more likely than not a lot of people in the bar have never had sex, or very little sex, also. if someone's a dick about it to you, makes a rude comment or something...well, they're not a very good sexual partner anyway, and not worth your time.

my parting note: don't feel like you have to rush into things. i'm glad i could help clarify some things for you, but if you're about to move, etc., and are still grappling with some of this stuff...there's no rush. there's absolutely nothing wrong with being 19 (or 20, or 30...etc) and having not had sex yet. and about having sex with men in the past...i also want to remind you that this does not make you any less of a gay person (lesbian? i'm getting the vibe from this ask), especially with that shitty "gold star lesbian" thing that always goes around...you're all good. don't even sweat it. <3

i know this was long, but i hope there was something in here that helped! good luck out there and stay safe.