#like sometimes short albums are like aw what i wanted more

[autumnrory]

would love it so much if taylor would do a short album someday bc even my top albums have songs i just don’t absolutely love and honestly a lot of the time albums that have only like 8-10 tracks are soooo solid and i’d be so interested to see what she could craft that’s under 35 minutes

[thirstywoso]

LESSONS IN PHOTOGRAPHY

Jessie Fleming x Reader

A/N: a little short one that I wrote in an hour

W/C: 1k

Warnings: not really smut but a little suggestive and some masturbation so MDNI 18+

so if you're looking for hardcore smut this is not it

Will do a part 2 which will be actual smut if I get a request for it

After your girlfriend signed with the Thorns your life in London was uprooted and together you made the move to Portland.

You'd both been to the city on occasions in the past but after living in Portland for a month now yourself and Jessie realised neither of you had really explored the place you now called home.

Your girlfriend clad in some white shorts and a black tank top yourself in dark blue shorts and a loose fitting white shirt, you found yourself downtown with a checklist of places you "MUST" visit according to Jessie's teammate Sam.

No surprise to you, your better half had her camera hanging off of her shoulder with one hand in yours and the other holding a large cup of what she calls "liquid heaven"

As you wondered down the streets you noticed the way Jessie would stop occasionally, snapping photos of the roses, lining herself up to get the correct angles of the buildings she liked the look of. Jessie would spend sometime perfecting her shot at each place you went to.

Yourself a fan of history would read out facts from your phone about said buildings or architecture Jessie was capturing. Unbeknownst to you a few of those photos she captured were of you in deep thought or in awe of what you were looking at. You really were the perfect match.

Jessie loved her camera almost as much as you and was hardly seen without it. That being said one of the few things she loved more was capturing you, from every single angle.

She enjoyed capturing the way your lip would tuck between your teeth as you would concentrate on one of your crossword puzzles, the way that vein would pop out of your neck when you were frustrated with whatever had you occupied. She would never get sick of taking these photos, especially the ones capturing your smile and the warmth behind your eyes.

You'd never really known this about Jessie until the day was almost coming to an end and you'd caught her taking a photo of you. After questioning Jessie and adding slight pressure when she wouldn't tell you anything and mimicking zipping her mouth shut, locking it and throwing away the key. You finally broke her finding out all about Jessie's little habit profusely blushing as she told you.

Returning to the apartment later on that evening you has begged Jessie to show you the photos she'd taken of you. Opening her laptop you saw the folder titled 'My girl" and your heart swelled, then almost combust when you saw the number of photos in the album. 4,332 to be exact.

"Oh Jessie" you say looking at her

She returns your gaze nervously "too much?"

"You're perfect Jess" you say leaning in to kiss her.

Pulling away Jess can't help but look into your eyes as she fiddles with her fingers. "I have a question... well more of a request which I've kinda wanted to do for awhile"

She pauses for a breath unsure how to go on. "Go ahead?" You say anxiously waiting to see what the request was.

"Iwanttophotographyounaked" she rushes out, once noticing your confusion she repeats herself this time a little slower, taking a deep breath "I want to photograph you naked, if that's okay?"

"Yeah?" You question excitedly.

"Yeah"

After discussing how you were going to go about it Jessie led you into your shared bedroom. Kissing you before she helped you remove your clothes.

"Are you sure, if you want to stop we can at anytime"

"I'm sure" you confirm.

"I want you to lay on your side with your head propped up in your hand" she begins to direct you.

You do as she says and get into position, after a few clicks Jessie then asks you to change position. Repeating this for awhile as you pose in various ways for her, occasionally complimenting you, telling you how good your jawline looks or the way the light cascades down the swell of your breasts.

She couldn't help but be in awe of how beautiful you looked.

Getting more bold Jessie then started directing you to pose in some more compromising positions like with your head thrown back or your hands squeezing your chest.

You couldn't deny that it was turning you on being told exactly what to do by Jessie.

Eventually being more bold yourself you began to touch yourself for Jessie, the clicks of her camera becoming faster.

Your hand snakes between your legs finding your evident arousal.

You slid your fingers along your folds spreading your wetness, Jessie's mouth watering as she captured the way your sex glistened.

She made sure to take in the way you bit your lip, your legs as they spread wider, the way your hand furiously rubbed between your legs your finger tips as the swiped across your clit.

"Fingers inside" Jessie demands

You'd be a fool not to comply and with that two of your fingers are swallowed into your wanting pussy with ease.

You were embarrassingly wet but showing off for Jessie you didn't care.

"Curl those fingers baby I want to see the pleasure on your face"

Taking photos of every inch of you she couldn't get enough wanting to capture every single part of this moment.

After a few more directions from Jessie regarding position and how to touch yourself you were right on the edge.

Your girlfriend practically drooling as your face contorted in pleasure, snapping the pictures of your screwed up face as you came and the arousal spread across your thighs.

Taking your fingers and sucking them clean putting on a show for Jessie as she continued to snap away with her mouth agape.

"Fuck it" she groaned almost throwing her camera to one side as she pounced on you.

"I need to taste you"

Shoving your fingers covered in your slick into her mouth, her eyes roll back as she swirls her tongue around your digits releasing them with a pop.

"I think it's only fair I get to fuck you after that little show"

[officer-achilles]

Do they like/know the band One Direction? - Wolf 359 Edition

Eiffel

+ You're insecure. Don't know what for. You're turning heads when you walk through the d-o-or. Yes, he knows them. Yes, he likes them. His favourite is Louis, because he's the mischievous one. Eiffel would genuinely be bummed when/if he ever found out Zayn left the group.

Minkowski

+ Who? Oh yeah... the... the boy band. Huh. Well, no offense to them- but she prefers the Backstreet Boys.

Dr. Hilbert

+ No. Not at all. If you try to play him a song he groans and demands you turn it off.

Hera

+ Is aware of them. If she wasn't so busy, she'd listen to them more often. She thinks Niall is kind of cute... in an abstract sort of way.

Lovelace

+ She knows them. She watched them on X-Factor when they were just getting started. She's not a superfan or anything, but she has a single CD she listens to on drives sometimes. She couldn't tell any of them apart though- except for Zayn.

Keppler

+ Did you know Simon Cowell actually wanted Keppler to join One Direction? Long story short- but his funk band wasn't the only band Keppler had to walk away from. Legend says you can hear his backing vocals in some of the band's early demos.

Jacobi

+ He's heard of them. He thinks that Zayn kid seems pretty cool. He couldn't name a single song if he tried though.

Maxwell

+ Closet One Direction fan. Has their first three albums downloaded on her phone AND on her aging iPod. Her fav is Niall. Or maybe Harry.

Mr. Cutter

+ I... I think he's met One Direction. He talked to them as if they were all old friends and nobody but him had an enjoyable time. Mr. Cutter has never actually listened to their music.

Dr. Pryce

+ She would hate One Direction on principal. End of discussion.

Rachel Young

+ Probably a bit of a Directioner in all honesty, she even met them briefly alongside Mr. Cutter. They were less interesting in person.

⭐ Bonus ⭐

Lambert

+ Has never listened to their music, barely recognizes the band name. But if you had him listen, he'd probably enjoy it. He would be hesitant to admit it however.

Hui

+ Has been to at least one concert of theirs. Semi-ironically wears a One Direction t-shirt under his uniform sometimes.

Fourier

+ Likes their music, but only certain albums and certain songs. She has strong opinions about each and every band member, and even stronger opinions about boy bands as a whole cultural phenomenon.

Fisher

+ Will sing along to their songs if he hears them on the radio, but has no vested interest in them or major opinions. Probably would be a bit sad if he found out Zayn left the band, a sort of 'aw dang' kind of sad.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Gonna preface this by saying this ask is about a certain Tedros so if you don't feel like answering I totally get it. I was wondering though if you've seen some of the photos that have come out for magazines and whatnot for his album promo and what you think of his "attempt" at.. well i'm not sure what. His concepts are all over the place and i'm going to be honest and say the slicked down hair looks awful on him, as well as him serving absolutely nothing for the ones where he is obviously going for a more flamboyant look. I just genuinely don't understand how his visuals seem to have deteriorated so much in such a short amount of time yet his cockiness has only risen

I have to say, there's something about noticing how the Tedros name is actually sticking makes me feel a certain way.

I've seen some photos, without me looking actively for it. Even scrolling on that dumb tiktok app ruins my plans of avoiding some people. Nevertheless, I do have eyes and I have opinions and sometimes I wish I'd shut up about it, but I also can't help it.

At the end of the day, let's just say it's all subjective. Perhaps for some people (many I see) his type of handsomness and aura becomes a canvas for experimentation. Maybe you or I are just way too damn picky and we have a different taste.

(Why am I trying? This is an exercise in futility by the way 💀)

Maybe the girls and the gays(?) are all over him because of this manufactured look/aesthetic of skinny boy that likes to experiment with his sexuality/gender expression. I don't know what they're going for. Some less sexy/naughty version of Troy Sivan, but Tedros can never pull off a twink look. So, what is there? Beats me. Who is the intended target audience and the actual audience? Only Army and his solo stans/shippers are getting hot over it? Maybe. What do I know, anon? What do I know?

Not much, lol. I'm merely a basic girl that finds Jimin's beauty hard to comprehend and for which Baby Star Candy is like the embodiment of a twunk. Each with their own preferences.

This is all aesthetics and let's just allow ourselves to be into whatever we want while still bitching about whatever we want cause that never gets old 😘

[foliejpg]

sage @puppyboymikeyway submitted a bunch of fob asks from this post so here ya go <3 putting it under a read more bc its a novel 😭

tttyg

dead on arrival: which of andy's haircuts is your favorite?

honestly i liked when he had the short bob and it was straight. he looked more like a lesbian then than usual

grand theft autumn: which was the first fall out boy song you heard and liked?

actually its this song 😭 i remember hearing it in a hot topic when i was around 15-16 and going home to look up the lyrics on my computer, then listening to every album straight through from tttyg to srar straight through in order lol srar had just come out

saturday: best concert you've attended?

my first fob show is special to me bc i got m&g tickets, so is the albany show this past march bc i got to meet them again with my boyfriend and a bunch of friends<333 but the best concert that the artist has put on i mean. i have to come clean i am a bit of a swiftie and the eras tour was crazy 😭 and fenway last year during tourdust because patrick did wams during the medley just for me<333 that's My Song

the pros and cons of breathing: do you own any fall out boy albums on cd or vinyl?

yes! here's a picture because there's a lot 💀 not pictured is the we didn't start the fire 7" because its so tiny i didn't see it until after i took the picture lmao

grenade jumper: trohmania or bass spin?

i gotta go with the bass spin sorry joe<3

the patron saints of liars and fakes: last big regret?

i wish i went to the madison square garden show in march but i couldn't afford the tickets</3

cork tree

our lawyer: worst fob rumor you've heard?

i can't really think of one? all i can think of is that one interview where patrick says the worst one he heard was that he was actually 31 and not 21

nobody puts baby in the corner: favorite 80's film?

who framed roger rabbit, clue, and that's all i can think of 😭 i'm not a big movie person

sixteen candles: favorite fob mv?

young and menace, america's suitehearts, hmlag, dance dance

the music or the misery: favorite bonus track?

from now on we are enemies and my heart is the worst kind of weapon, but i like the acoustic version of the latter way more<3

my heart is the worst kind of weapon: last time you said something you regretted?

bro i can't think of anything i don't listen to myself talk 💀

ioh

this ain't a scene, its an arms race: patrick in cardigans or patrick in sweaters?

SWEATERS lemme see that fabric stretch

thnks fr th mmrs: best memory?

i have no idea lmao when i met fob idk i have a really bad memory

don't you know who i think i am?: which high school stereotype would you describe yourself with?

is "snot nosed know it all who thinks she's better than everyone else but is just sheltered and bratty" a stereotype

fame < infamy: do you like black cards?

i'm a fake fan i've never listened 💀 bebe is a queen though

folie

lullabye: opinion on 'elisa stans?'

i don't know what that means these asks are from 2018 but everyone should leave fob's family alone <3

27: favorite instrument

BASS. i love bass guitar i need to feel it in my chest

w.a.m.s. which job would you prefer, waiter/actress/model/singer?

singer bc i enjoy singing and used to be good at it lol i can't act and food service freaks me out i don't want to be responsible for other people's food and also modeling just seems awful 💀

west coast smoker: favorite 80's band?

i love the smiths and joy division bc i'm a basic emo<3

srar

where did the party go: bass lines or guitar solos?

bass lines a million times over!!!! plus sometimes guitar solos make my ears ring 😅

death valley: who would you most like to be greeted by in the afterlife?

idk my cat kayla she passed when i was like 6 she was a good girl or my cat china (my mom named her 💀) she was a good girl too. lots of good girls here

abap

irresistible: which mv was your favorite?

the original one with the basketball game they're so goofy lmao

the kids aren't alright: if you could send a message to yourself five years ago, what would it say?

run for the fucking hills girl!!!!!!!

jet pack blues: which was your favorite fall out boy era?

this one because they're all happy and healthy and living their best lives, having lots of fun on stage and being weird and interacting with fans again<333

novocaine: cause of your last time in the hospital?

uhhhhh i can't remember the last time i was in the hospital lmao

favorite record: do you collect cds or vinyls?

both! i have a lot of both lol

mania

young and menace: are you excited for the future of fall out boy?

of course<3 i hope whatever they do next is satisfying creatively for them because i would rather wait a few years for new music than have them go back to working themselves to the bone and exhausting themselves so i'm sure whatever comes next will be worth the wait, stardust certainly was<3

champion: what's your proudest moment as a fan of them?

i don't knowwww i really like the little corner of the internet i'm in with some friends and mutuals and i get a lot of asks/msgs from ppl so i like that i've made a comfy little space for ppl to talk about fob<3 does that count lol idk i'm also proud of them for like. still doing what they're doing at their age those crusty old men

wilson: if you could purchase one thing being advertised in the wilson video, what would it be?

WORKING MALE MOUTH

sunshine riptide: if you could say one thing to the band, what would it be?

i would say thank you for making art and i would also corner pete and maKe him tell me about the pool ball strike at the beginning of disloyal order he can't get away with this anymore

WHOOOO BOY okay thanks for sending all those i hope you enjoy this essay<3

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

Golden review, let's go:

3D (Feat. Jack Harlow) - Just hearing Jack Harlow's voice along with Jungkook's gives me the creeps. God. His voice is so boring and he's so boring and gross. Ugh. The alternate version is a million times better, it's embarrassing for Jungkook to have such bad judgement. 7/10 because Harlow ruins the song so bad, and maybe I'm being generous.

Closer To You (feat. Major Lazor) - Jungkook's English accent is particularly noticeable in the beginning. It's a pretty meh song, basic and repetitive, but at least it's short. The instrumental should've been stronger. I'd say the chorus is the best part - it's pretty. 7/10

Seven (feat. Latto) (Explicit Ver.) - The lesser of the Seven versions but might be the best song in the album after the clean version. The instrumental is really pretty. The cringe lyrics, though, are really not it. 8/10.

Standing Next To You - Eh... I like the novelty of hearing Jungkook sing differently like this, but it's also like he's copying someone else, and not finding his own voice like he has mentioned he wants to do - it feels like he's not trying out genres as much as imitating other popular artists in order to be popular as well. The song is MJ coded in a way that's both gross and extremely unoriginal. His "uh uh"s in the end are awful. Also, the lyrics are meh too. 7.5/10

Yes or No - Typical pop crap. Except for the humming at the end, the vocals are particularly underwhelming. 6.5/10

Please Don't Change (feat. DJ Snake) - how much boring EDM does this album need? The chorus is somewhat interesting but the instrumental is just too basic. 7/10

Hate You - Oh, a pretty song in the album. That was unexpected, but I don't like the chorus. It was so good until the chorus. The verses are nice and I like Jungkook's voice, but sadly the song never developed properly 7.2/10

Somebody - This song is nice, Jungkook's vocals are different in the beginning. I like the chorus. Might be my favorite bside for now. 7.4/10

Too Sad To Dance - It's nice and has PTD vibes, but it's not really my vibe either. It's somewhat refreshing in the album. 7.3/10

Shot Glass of Tears - Typical pop ballad... But from 10 years ago? It does build up nicely and get much better over time. But it's nothing special either and the end is a bit anticlimactic. 7.3/10.

Seven (feat. Latto) (Clean Ver.) - Still probably the strongest song in the album. At least it stands out. The clean version is 0.5 points superior to the explicit one, minimum. 8.5/10

Overall, I couldn't be bothered paying attention to the lyrics, because they were pretty uninspired in general and I don't care for romantic lyrics. Also, Jungkook's accent was pretty solid but sometimes it wasn't easy to understand what he was saying. The album had an adequate flow, but the songs weren't great. Nothing about the album stands out. It's a pretty basic album. 6.5/10

I'll listen to the album again after I sleep a couple more hours. I'm not disappointed because I didn't expect much, but in many ways this is the worst chapter 2 album.

[abeinginsand]

The Silent Protagonist Meets Two Flames Continuation of the Silent Protagonist Au ( part 1 ) Dialogue and more story rambles below

1] Taylor:

Lost my voice. Don't remember the fight...and I missed an (anime) episode.

2] Nick Flame:

Aw, kid, you look so much like your mom! Dad…uh Glenn, used to say I looked a lot like my mom too. I couldn't really remember her face myself but he showed me sometimes. He kept a little photo album under the bed. I'd sneak under there alot to look at it when he was at work. Sneaking around is super cool! I hid a few things at home…your home I mean, I could show you--

3] Nicolas Flame:

Now's not the time for a trip down memory lane, Nick! Look at our baby boy's face… Are you okay, Taylor? My Dad--Jodie--always stressed that its okay to cry and to talk to him about what made me upset. So I'm sure Cass--your mom would listen to you. And I know I…well we haven't been around but I am here now. I want to be. And if necessary, I can give a stern talking to any person or creature who hurt your feelings. Simply say the word.

4] Taylor: Huh!? A-Are these flames talking to me? They sound like Dad...

5] Nicolas Flame:

That's because we are your dad…fractured parts of him anyways. Sometimes a demon's spirit leaves its body during body reformation. But with us…well its complicated, a short version is that your dad's spirit is unusual do to past circumstances. So, when his…our spirit left his body it fractured into two parts. I am known as Nicolas and they are…Nick. We represent two major parts of Nicky. But no matter what, one thing is clear…we felt we must return to you immediately. To watch over you…

-------- Story Notes for Part 2: This takes place a week or so after that original scene in part 1. Taylor still can't speak and wonders if it may be due to the very obvious signs of neck injury. However...only he and his mom seem to be able to see his scar, horns, and tail. Cass seems to think his horns and tail are accessories at first--until Taylor manages to convince her otherwise... The doctor that came to do an in-house check up appeared to not see any of those. Instead, the pediatrician comments on Taylor's abnormally high body temperature. The doctor gives some fever treatment recommendations and is on their way. Apparently, with the mayor's entourage running amok--much of the health workers in the city were helping at the nearby hospital. So lines were even longer than they usually were...fevers were lower priority unless stacked with other concerning symptoms. His mom wanted him to rest but Taylor...tensed at the idea of sleeping. Feared what memories might be lurking in his dreams. At least he was comforted by the fact that his mom was fine with him trying to sleep in her room or (in the living room). No space under her bedframe or the couch for eldritch horrors to be hiding under. On another side of things, he's been using the fever and lack of voice as a reason to avoid school. At first he thought it was weird school was still going on--surely the place shouldn't be running. The principal was gone. Surely a school would be closed for a few days or something...they wouldn't just act like its another Tuesday! Someone died! This was contradicted quickly when his mom showed him a voicemail from the school's main secretary--asking him about his attendance. In that moment, he got a dull headache as he recalled...everyone finding out Normal was still doing homework. They'd all known school was continuing this whole time, had been even after the principal died and had chosen to not do homework. Why had he forgotten that part? (Because it made him angry. Because it made him feel so.....)

Besides, Taylor couldn't remember what expression his...friend? ex-friend? made the last time they were near each other either. It was weird. But, there was the group chat and his phone was charged. He could try and reach out? Yet, the chat log only showed the part about Scary leaving the chat awhile ago. No messages had been sent after that. Maybe the group chat was pointless from the beginning. He's dad had destroyed his phone once after all. Told him to not bother with making long lasting connections. If he'd gotten another one and just never shared the new number with the others... Taylor wouldn't feel so defeated right now looking at the 'no new messages' notice. The teen tries to pass the time like he used too--with anime of course or hanging out with his mom when she's not busy. He gets better at hiding the terror that takes hold anytime his mom leaves the house. A fear that she won't return one day. It has yet to happen but what does--is that she asks him to bring over some of her paperwork. To a recording she's doing across town. He manages that just fine--at least on the way to the building. On his way back, he swears he sees someone familiar. He runs away, back into the taxi, refuses to look closer to figure out the identity. Surely, this was the safest decision and he refuses to dwell on it. Now back at home alone, he heads back to the his bedroom to watch whatever is coming on that day. But he missed it apparently--by a few hours. It wasn't even his favorite show.. His eyes and the neck scar burn anyway and Taylor tries really hard to remember how to breathe. It sorta works after a few very long minutes and he rubs at his eyes, stuck in his thoughts. Until he feels heat brushing against his hair and shoulder and a familiar voice crowding the air--two of the same voice. His dead dad's voice? My thought is that Nicky's flame spirits are now his son's temporary familiars. They'll end up helping him and his mom through the au adventure. Basically helping jog Taylor's memory on what happened during the fight and learning more about his dad in general? Other note, atleast in terms of this AU, pronouns are as follows: Nicky: he/they Nick: they/them Nicolas: he/him Taylor: he/him (questioning--might incorporate him trying out other pronouns at some point) Cass: she/her

[notebookmusical]

Hi! I know what voice you're talking about and it seems like it really sucks. I know when I can't talk..that means it's also pretty painful too. Which is once again so awful and I'm sorry for the horrible timing! Oh that seems fun but it sucks that you're not seeing a show, and it sounds like a nice tradition. If it makes you feel better, I don't have any plans to see any shows either. I mean I probably will see one eventually next year but there's nothing I'm excited for or looking forward to.

Maybe watching a bootleg can help, but I know it's not the same. I know i have said I haven't been very into or caught up on recent Broadway stuff and sometimes it does make me sad. I am planning to read the Starless Sea in January too I hope so I'll keep that in mind. I didn't think of the Pippin revival but that's also an example of a revival trying to do something a little different I think. And I actually did watch Schmicago and thought it was pretty good! They might've actually referenced Pippin with a narrator character. I think it was actually better than the first season actually and the references were a lot more clear, at least to me. I would recommend it but did make me miss Broadway. At least they have Broadway actors though. I need to get better at watching shows too..that might have actually been the last full show I watched and that was back in July lol but I think I'm just more of a movie person usually.

But mostly I'm a music person and I can recommend my favorites. Omg I didn't know that..I've seen a few clips of Fall Out Boy on tour and it seems awesome. I hope you have the best time! So I'm not as into Fall Out Boy..like I've never done a deep dive on old albums and I was more of a casual fan at first. But their new album is great and since you're seeing their tour, you can just focus on that for now. My favorites are Fakeout and Love from the other side. For Paramore, I would listen to their albums in order cuz it's cool to see their evolution as a band and they don't have that many. They also have some covers and unreleased songs too. But if you wanna start with their newest album, I think it has a good mix of all of their sounds too. It's my favorite album of this year. I can also just list some favorites of mine here kinda going in order by album,. Oh Star, I caught Myself, Brighter, My Heart, Misery Business, When it Rains, Crushcrush. Brick By Boring Brick, Turn it off, Playing God, Misguided Ghosts, and all I wanted. Daydreaming, Last Hope, Hate to see your Heart Break, one of those crazy girls. Rose colored Boy, Fake Happy, 26, Tell me How, Running out of time, Big Man, You First, Liar, Crave and Thick Skull. I know that's a lot..wow i'm even surprised. I debated cutting it down but in case you don't listen to the full albums, this is what I would recommend! For her solo music, I would just recommend hearing the albums. Anyway what other vinyls did you get?

I definitely prefer Folklore, because I love a lot of songs on the album and I just know what my favorites are. Compared to Evermore, where some of it is more like background music to me. Ive already told you what my least favorites are and I might have unpopular favorites. My favorites are Evermore, Coney Island, Dorothea, and Gold Rush and Long Story Short . I also like No Body No Crime, Cowboy Like Me, Ivy and Right where you Left me cuz sometimes it feels like a movie. Ya Evermore does feel more cohesive to me or like it all blends together but my favorite songs are definitely on Folklore. That's why I've never understood the whole Folklore is a better album but Evermore has better songs thing lol. Also now it's Taylors birthday today..yay! Are you planning to watch the eras tour movie? I think I will sometime this weekend probably. Then its your birthday too and if anything, I will send you a message wishing you happy birthday if I don't reply. I hope you have a great weekend and birthday!!!

guess what guess what my voice is a little more back today !!! so fingers crossed it'll be completely back by saturday!!!! i've decided to make bracelets for the hockey game, so i'm going to be doing that tonight/tomorrow i think!! it'll be a nice break from making taylor bracelets :") (although i need to make some so i can mail them out next week eep!) i think my next show will probably be the company tour ... unless i see a regional production of spring awakening (which i'm tempted to; just depends on the cast and stuff).

i almost watched TBOSAS last night! but then i put the kraken game on instead </3 (which i'm glad i did because it was a beautiful game! and we won!) and i originally was going to stream eras tonight (i have $20 digital credits expiring on the 15th) but i forgot i have a thing at 7, and by the time that's over i won't want to watch a 3 hour long movie — so something for another night! you'll have to let me know how it is watching it from home! i suspect it'll be so much nicer to watch it all cozy and all but i wonder if i'll miss the cinema vibe!

i listened to part of the first paramore album yesterday when i was getting my allergy shot! i liked what i heard, but will need to finish it and then do another listen through to figure out what my favorites are! i ordered from the dirty hit store, so i figured if i was paying for ridiculous shipping costs i might as well bundle up so i actually ordered more than i normally would: i got the japanese house's saw you in a dream & pools to bathe in, beabadoobee's loveworm + the way things go 7", finally preordered benjamin francis leftwich's some things break vinyl + ordered his to carry a whale vinyl and after the rain, and the 1975's 7" all i need to hear + i like america and america likes me (real world version) ! and i have sabrina carpenter's fruitcake ep coming in i think on friday! so definitely way too many vinyls coming in haha. i need to cool it! way too many vinyls! i still need to finish working on my little vinyl craft project too, but that might be a next week problem / after the game / after my bracelets are done! i have like 15 ? that i need to prioritize for mailing out but then i can chill out for a little bit!

have i asked you for an updated taylor discography ranking yet? i'm curious to know what your ranking is/if it's changed since we last talked about it, especially with 1989 tv! you can distinguish between stolen and taylor's version if you'd like too!

i hope you have a lovely weekend 🤍 and thank you for the birthday wishes! x

[warmglowofsurvival]

5 Questions With Twenty One Pilots

Written By: KristoffHart

So your first album, self-titled Twenty One Pilots, has some elements of hip hop, but on Vessel you all got a lot more into rapping and incorporating that hip hop vibe. Why do you think that is?

Josh Dun: That’s a good question. The first album was really fully written by Tyler, and it was actually before I even knew him. Both of us kinda grew up listening to all sorts of music, and that was one of them. I remember one of the first times that we ever had a conversation, he [Tyler] was talking about the whole rapping thing. It was more so this idea of writing and saying words and stuff, and then it gets to a point where there is too many. A lot of that stuff is really spoken word that is then layered on top of a drum beat, which then just happens to be called rap or hip hop. I think it really derives from not necessarily trying to go for that certain style, but really being able to fit a lot of things into a short amount of time. So as we write more and continue to grow, there’s more and more things to be said, which many times can translate more and more into hip hop. Also I think that for me, in the process of writing, I really like the idea of hip hop-sounding stuff just because I love listening to it, so sometimes I feel like I push our style that way a little more.

2012, great year for Twenty One Pilots. How quickly did things change for you guys after getting signed to Atlantic Records subsidiary, Fueled By Ramen?

Josh Dun: Well dating back even before 2012, Tyler and I started playing together in 2011 and we worked really hard to build a brand for ourselves and develop a local fan base, and to get this thing, on every level, to a point that we really felt comfortable with. We oversaw the merch designs, video content, even strategy with touring and social media. We were very involved in all of that. I think there are a lot of times when someone is like, “Aw my favorite band just got signed,” and they’re almost bummed out about it because they feel that they’re going to lose their favorite band or things are going to change a lot. I think the reason that is is because a lot of the time, there are some bands that don’t have certain things figured out, and so a label’s job is to come in and help to brand and market this band. And so of course, they’re going to say, you need to be more marketable in this area or you don’t know what to do on social media, and labels are super helpful in that. So sometimes the label has to take over because that band wasn’t doing anything to begin with. And so, coming alongside with them [Fueled By Ramen] was really cool for us because they let us maintain the ownership over all those areas. I always say that they came behind us and helped pushed us forward rather than come ahead of us and pull us along. Which is the way that I think you want it to happen. So, I think signing with them has been a really cool process, but I think it has been a lot of work. I think that’s another misconception that people have when signing to a label, that they’re done and they made it and the the label can take over now, and that’s not it at all. People were saying, when we were signing, now the work begins, and looking back now, I think that’s true. It’s been a lot of working with them.

So Tyler, you started this band in college. Any words for aspiring college musicians who want to achieve your level of success?

Tyler Joseph: This is what I’ve learned. There’s three major things: there is school, a job, and music. You need a job, you need a major, and you need band mates that let you do all three things. But eventually you’re going to have to pick two. The sooner you pick two, the better. So you got a job, school, and music. Most people let music go; I need a job, I need to keep going to school. So, I’m not saying if you take school out off the equation that you can work and play music. I’m not promoting people to drop out of school. I’m just saying, listen, do you have enough money to live? Where you can go to school and you can try to do stuff [gigs] on the weekends? You just have to figure out what your equation is because you only have so much time. And if you’re doing all three then you’re probably not putting enough time into any of them.

Josh Dun: That’s why I didn’t go to school!

You guys have been known for your visually enhanced shows from day one. You don’t see too many bands incorporate that type of stuff early on in their career. How important is it for you to have in your show and where will you go from here with that?

Tyler Joseph: Do you have the guts to do it is really the question. At a local level, do you have the guts to go into a venue and play in front of fifteen people and come out in a skeleton mask? But then not only that–you have to figure out how to balance it out. You can’t just come out and do something super dramatic and theatrical and be completely oblivious to your situation. When you’re playing in front of fifteen people, you have to then acknowledge the fact that you’re well aware that you’re playing in front of fifteen people. However you get that across. It really is a skill that we’ve been trying to hone in on. It’s being able to lighten the mood, and let everyone say, “Okay, these guys are real,” but then training an audience to know to get into a headspace of being able to receive the message that’s inside the song. It’s never funny, I’m never writing anything funny because I’m not funny, but we try to interact in a way that’s lighthearted or [with] some comedy in it that kind of relieves the audience.

Josh Dun: As a band starting out, I don’t know why you wouldn’t go on stage and try and make people remember it. Make it different, make it stand out, be creative in how you approach the performance. I don’t know how to play any other way. So to Tyler and I, that’s what feels the most natural.

How do you impress your peers?

Josh Dun: I just dye my hair. That’s it, I just try and impress him [Tyler]. I just show up at his house with colored hair and I’m like, “Please, please be impressed.”

Tyler Joseph: You should get a tattoo that says “please be impressed.”

Josh Dun: I hope this tattoo is impressive. I think I might do it!

Tyler Joseph: But yeah, we travel with friends and we get to go home to our families as much as we can, and they keep us level headed. So as much as we try to impress them, and no matter how much traction and success we see, we have so many people around us that will look at us and say, “Who do you think you are?” So we don’t have room to get a big head.

Josh Dun: I think more than trying to impress people, I get more pleasure out of making somebody laugh. So when you’re hanging out with your friends, laughter is important to life. If you can say something that’s funny or do something that’s ridiculous, it’ll make people laugh. So many people struggle with dark thoughts, depression, and internal pain. I’m not an expert on it, but I know that if I’m ever feeling down, if someone can make me laugh, it really is a cure to those thoughts. So just making someone laugh.

[archived link]

[maocin]

Where Have All The Merrymakers Gone?, 1997, Harvey Danger

Harvey Danger is not a hall-of-fame band. They are not special, they produced no classics, they left very little imprint on our larger culture musically. But with Where Have All The Merrymakers Gone? they wrote a pretty much perfect album. Aside from two minutes of dead air at the end, this record rocks from start to finish. I want to talk about why this is one of my favorite albums of all time.

Starting Off Strong

Okay, so you've heard "Flagpole Sitta". Good song! A nice summer-y bop to get heads turning when it comes on over the radio. Something everybody can sing along to when the chorus hits. Maybe, if you knew who Harvey Danger were off the top of your head, you've heard "Carlotta Valdez", the frankly electrifying album opener that makes an equal case for most listenable on the album. This strong one-two will get you moving, get you hyped. Plenty of albums from genuinely talented artists go by without having even one song that you feel like really fucking screaming along to. And yet, from the first chorus of Carlotta to the very last four-count in Flagpole Sitta, if I'm not in public, I'm probably losing my voice. Maybe even if I am in public.

The guitars sound like what I want guitars to sound like, sometimes twinkly and bright with an undercurrent of grungy distorted rhythm, sometimes driving fully into the territory of punk with a warbling angry lead and a forceful drive on crunchy power chords. The drums keep things moving -- there's no laying into the groove here, no snapping on two and four. This is for moving your whole body to the inexorable pull of a fucking awesome downbeat. The vocals are distinct but still speak the language of late 90's pop-grunge with some typical growls, a sarcastic, cynical delivery, and the obligatory megaphone-sounding bridge every now and again.

Oh, and holy shit, that bass. Paul McCartney is crying tears of happiness somewhere.

These first two songs are perfect pop-punk anthems. When I finish "Carlotta Valdez" I want to scream YES! along with the guys in the studio. Flagpole Sitta makes me want to go drive a car too fast, strut around Main Street with the crew, unapologetically enjoy my world with awareness of the enlightened hipster perspective and rejection of its caustic holier-than-thou attitude. In short: Go, white boy, go.

2. Changing the Game

It's extremely important what happens between "Wooly Muffler", "Private Helicopter", and the three songs that follow. And now I want to talk about lyrics, because yeah, those matter too. Wooly Muffler opens with a strikingly evocative image given what you're used to hearing after the first two songs: Flagpole Sitta's "Only stupid people are breeding/The cretins cloning and feeding/And I don't even own a TV" seems like it comes from some Green Day song* but the vulnerability of "All I ever wanted to be was a wooly muffler on your naked neck" belongs on Pinkerton. Neither of these are necessarily good or bad -- they're just well-executed in equal measure, and the range should be acknowledged. Wooly Muffler is not the first hint that this album might be much more than another dumb pop-punk effort, but it is the most obvious. Unless you're a Hitchcock fan. For everyone else, when the guitars kick back in heavy on Wooly Muffler, we know for sure it's real. "If you've got greatness in you/Would you do us all a favor/And keep it to yourself" is one of my favorite lines in anything I've ever read, seen, or heard. These guys are the real deal, another Nirvana, capable of capturing the energy without succumbing to the bullshit. *(although it's actually quite delightfully ironic and clever and if we're being charitable "Longview" is too, and everyone everywhere should really give artists more credit because being authentic in ways that everyone agrees with is comically hard)

And then "Private Helicopter" comes on. You just can't help but recognize everything awful about the genre in the way Sean Nelson delivers "favorite ex-girlfriend." I almost turned the album off right here the first time I listened to it. There's no use lying; I totally did, and I had to go back later to finish the rest. I am here to promise you: it's not blink-182. You are not hearing the beginning of a boyish album about sex drugs and rock'n'roll. It's one miss for one verse, if it's that. Yes, it's scary to hear a record that sounds like it's headed in the right direction almost veer into the wrong one, but I solemnly swear that this song gets personal, it gets angry, it is not a bit piece. And that's why getting through the first half is so important, because it's not their fault that "What's My Age Again" and later Offspring albums are cringey to listen to now. This song suffers for sins that are not (!) its own. So you might be upset heading into the middle of the album. Fortunately --

3. Holy shit these next two songs are really fucking good I mean wow

"Here's a fact you cannot rise above/We'll have problems, yeah/Then we'll have bigger ones."

As a writer or listener for a vast amount of music all told, I am not uniquely qualified to say this but I am qualified enough. When Sean Nelson says he doesn't know what the line "From damage to damn control" means, he is not admitting defeat. The best writers in the world will tell you a good song is a gift and a good line is pure dumb luck. Sometimes, it's just stringing words together and singing them in a way that means something to someone. If you don't feel anything when you listen to "Problems and Bigger Ones", there's something fundamentally wrong with you as a human person.

Jack The Lion is deeply personal and deeply sad. I watched my father lose his father to Alzheimer's; I read the 23rd Psalm at Papu's funeral. I was too young to understand why Dad cried at "Cat's Cradle," call it self-centeredness. "When you coming home dad?/I don't know when" just didn't hit as hard at eight, because my father had been home for me. It's not nostalgia talking when I say I fucking love this band. It's "Jack The Lion." Watching my father deteriorate would break me. This song is really, really good.

4. Now that we're all sold on this being phenomenal, lets listen to some songs about love and hate and all that good stuff

I don't have much to say about "Old Hat." It's one of those love songs that you have to squint at to realize it's astoundingly true. There's not much conventional beauty in that. However, it works out to be exactly what it's meant to be. What a commendable thing to aspire to. To ape one of my favorite people on the internet, the brevity of Old Hat has a lot to teach about the craft of writing. I learned, of course, absolutely nothing.

"Old Hat" is about love. So is "Terminal Annex," but a different kind: the inverse, really. "Dreaming of the fistfight I never got into/Thinking of the mean shit I wish I'd said to you" is one of those lines that means a lot to those born into boyhood in America. I hope I've sold you on the idea that these fine gentlemen are self-aware; it's my firm belief that the song isn't actually about how much he hates this girl, rather it's about the ways that kind of hatred can influence a life. In any case, it means something, and that's another check mark.

5. Taking it home

The last two songs have to mean something too. We're this close to a more-or-less perfect album, just bring it home.

And oh brother, does "Wrecking Ball" almost fuck it up or what. Maybe you're into this sort of thing, but I was enjoying my album free of hackneyed metaphors, with its depth coming from reflection and self-awareness and trust in the artist. Creating a metaphorical house is... a little much for my taste. But it's got that profound sound, and just because it has the T.S. Eliot accent isn't enough reason to hate it.

Let's talk about "Radio Silence" now. Assume for a moment the last three minutes of the song don't exist. What a fucking song. In 1997, before Twitter collapsed all nuance, before Facebook bore our personal information into the gaping maw of every aggregating advertiser, before the hyper-modern fractionalization of every group of people, we have "Radio Silence". The lament of a man who just so desperately wants to be left alone. And by way of that lament, his caricature. And by way of that caricature, some form of commentary. Sure -- it winds up meaning what you want it to mean. Absolutely it's true that you could overanalyze this album to death, it has the accent of profundity and enough words to feed a freshman lit class for weeks, months if they can bring in other works to compare it all to. Obviously this much is true.

But in 2023 when you listen to this fucking song and you hear "All hail to another confession" how can it not make you feel at least something. Some people walk around living thinking a friend who asks for favors is no friend at all, some people believe their public profile is a great place to drop all the trauma of their childhood. Is it so much to ask to maintain a little radio silence? If you choose to read it as a plea for normalcy, it might look a little something like that. But it's all yours to interpret and that's the best any artist anywhere can offer.

All that said, here's my two cents. The ending refrain of the song sounds fucking beautiful. By that point I've already decided what I want to believe for the day -- a song's not going to change my mind about what should and shouldn't be acceptable in polite conversation with strangers. Whatever I'm feeling or thinking, when that refrain comes in, I get chills.

6. Go forth!

If you lived through the nineties you might remember Flagpole Sitta, or if you were on Vimeo in 2007 (google flagpole sitta lipsync), or if you listen to your local alt-rock radio station. But it's not even the best song on this album. I prefer Carlotta Valdez and Jack The Lion. Furthermore, Where Have All The Merrymakers Gone? isn't even their best whole work -- that probably goes to King James Version, although Little By Little was also well recieved.

Harvey Danger is self-aware and self-important, deeply involved with the culture that birthed it and equally parts mocking of its origins. They are fine lyricists, fine musicians, they put the music first and produce songs that you can enjoy listening to. And most importantly, if your friend who likes good music asks you how the album is, you can play Flagpole Sitta -- but if you have a friend who thinks Nirvana were industry plants, well, you can just as easily play them Radio Silence, and get a less frigid reception than if you had confessed to liking Dave Matthews. They created an almost-perfect album. Had Sean Nelson taken a better tone at the beginning of "Private Helicopter" and the record label decided to lop off the last three minutes of nothingness with noise, this album would be impossible to find fault with. Not a 10 by any means -- it's no great work of art -- but something even rarer: a perfect seven.

7. Postscript

Reasons you might not like this album:

It's not very musical and the vocal performances range from 'nothing special' to 'straight-up grating if you don't like pop punk'.

Mired in mediocrity, it doesn't strive for or achieve anything beyond the grounds it covers. No innovative sound or meaningful lyrical accomplishment; it never captured a movement or spoke to a generation the way a classic album does.

The lyrics aren't much! If you're used to something like Springsteen's grit, or Penelope Scott's wittiness, or the complexity and sincerity of Kendrick Lamar, you're going to be disappointed. Hell, even if you're more of a Taylor Swift fan you might find "So casually cruel in the name of being honest" to be more pithy and striking than most of Harvey Danger's offerings. Although if you think "All Too Well" inarguably clears everything on this album, even after listening, then I'll be very sad.

By calling this a perfect album I don't mean to say that it's full of perfect songs, or to argue that it's a classic, or even to say that it's particularly good for your tastes. If you look for greatness in your music, you will not find it here. But what they try to achieve, they achieve, and they do so entirely without fault. This album left a sincere impression on me and I hope you didn't read this far because what the fuck are you doing you're wasting your time go listen to it!!!

[beatsboy]

7.30.24 / day 37 of romanticizing my life until i love myself again

i think i need to make these things more brief i am getting too contemplative to romanticize lately i fear i think the girl from the youtube video was right, maybe, and when you journal too much, you risk existential crises when i started this, it was honestly supposed to be a bit of a breath from my regular journaling, to not write essays about my thoughts and instead appreciate the beauty in the fire, pay attention to the butterfly and yet it’s impossible for me to to spiral within the delusions of my own thoughts

briefly broke down and cried today because i was so stressed about making rent, which is due on thursday, which i am just short on. alone in my apartment, sweet pea ran up to me and placed his paws on my knees, and when i opened my arms, he jumped up on the chair to my lap and placed his head on my chest. he can be a really good friend sometimes for a dog. tonight, though, at the last minute, i got a session for tomorrow, thank fucking god, so i will be able to pay my rent, my phone bill, and get some real ass groceries

before i got news of the session though, tb sent me money. he did owe me $77, but he sent me $250 in total to help me out, which… i am never the one that needs help, i paid his rent for 6 months when we were living together, which he cited when sending me the money, which i said i would pay back immediately and only if i didn’t get work before rent was due, but regardless it’s hard not to love someone who is still there for you after all this time it’s hard not to miss someone who would do anything for you fuck, i’m ruminating instead of romanticizing again aren’t i

i had coffee with km today, we drove around, he was kind enough to buy my coffee i asked him if he knew anyone with a space ship, and he mentioned the abandoned fry’s and said we could drive past it but when we got there, by some divine miracle, the gate was open (he assured me it was normally shut) so we drove through, and got out of the car. we took pictures and stood in awe of the giant spaceship of this abandoned electronics store i felt what catholics must feel when they see a church after it’s burned down the feeling that nothing is eternal, not even the promise of the future and of course that is what makes the present so precious

using my credit card (which cannot be used for rent, so it’s fine) i bought an eggplant, a bag of chips, some crackers, and pork chops (which came to $30 i love this little fucking expensive life lolll), but finally cooked myself a proper meal today, after only having three hard boiled eggs for breakfast plus the coffee i need to take better care of my body *i want to take better care of my body i just wish it weren’t so fucking expensive to have good food for yourself ! and other forms of wellness ! and yes i got chips when i could have gotten a fruit or something but they were brie flavored and they were only like a dollar so it was just a special add on treat for myself it’s been a hard day and they were delicious and i regret nothing so yeah fuck yeah for brie flavored chips most romantic part of my day tbh

i didn't get as much done as i set out to, but i got into ableton, i used the fucking daw, and i did what i said i would--work on this song every day until it's finished, work on this album every day until it's finished

i am a delusional artist

i am here to create

i am here to finish what i started

because i have the privilege to

because i have the freedom to

because i have shit to say

and it does nothing sitting in a folder on my computer

[thisaintascenereviews]

Hey Violet - Aftertaste

When bands take a long time to release albums, that’s not always a good thing, especially when it’s from a band that may have had a hit in the past, but they never got to a big enough point that people may remember them when they come back. Sometimes they’re great, and they have loyal fanbases that still listen to them, Today that band is Hey Violet, and their sophomore (and final) album, Aftertaste. I remember listening to their debut album back in 2017, but it was a pretty bland pop-rock album that was made for teenage girls. I liked it fine, but I had no idea they were still kicking since then.

Apparently they’ve put out a few EPs, but this is their second, and final, album. I saw that it was coming out a few months back, but I’m not going to pretend that I was really excited or clamoring for it. Not because I thought it was going to be bad, but I haven’t listened to this band since 2017, so I had no idea how this was going to turn out. I’ve been listening to this for the last week, give or take, and Aftertaste is an album that goes down awfully smooth but (pardon the pun) doesn’t leave much of an aftertaste.

This album is essentially a solid pop-rock album, but that’s about it. If you look at it for what it is, that’s not a bad thing if you’re in the mood for it, but I can’t lie and say that I’ve been coming back to this one an awful lot. It’s strange, however, because this is a record I enjoy a lot when I’m listening to it, but I forget about it moment it’s over. I’ve heard a lot of albums like that, and they aren’t bad, but they’re nothing special, either. It’s a shame to say that, because there’s nothing outright bad in this album, but it also doesn’t go above and beyond.

There are a few tracks I like, such as “Voices In My Head,” or “Die Of Laughter,” but even within its barely half hour runtime, I’m just not remembering that much of this album. It goes in one ear and out the other, but I don’t have a bad time while listening to it. I think its short runtime helps it to a degree, because it’s short, sweet, and to the point, which helps it go down easier. If the album were maybe ten minutes longer, clocking in at around 40 minutes, that would be pushing it for an album like this.

For a final album, it’s fine, but I wish I could say people cared more about this band. That sounds mean, but this being their final album doesn’t have as much as weight when they weren’t anything amazing. I guess this album is worth a listen if you like catchy pop-rock, and want something to tide you over until something else comes out, but there’s a lot of great stuff out there, so I don’t know. I don’t hate this album, especially when it has some solid tracks and gold performances, but I’ve heard too much of this sound to really be wowed by it.

[iheartdaisies]

God Lives in my Earliest Memories.

It’s a pacifying black in the room. Soft moonglow seeps through the window and billowing curtains, enough to see faint outlines of furniture and walls. Every night before bed, I’d have to kneel down on the floor, elbows on the bed, hands pressed together and say my prayers. A lot of them were prescribed by my parents; pray for family, pray for good health, pray for blessings, obligatory Amen. Sometimes they’d ask me what I wanted to pray for. All I remember thinking was why am I doing this? It seemed sort of pointless. Bad things didn’t happen to me or my family. I’d see and hear awful things on TV and think, I’m so glad that would never happen to me. I developed a fascination with dark subjects as a child, I could interact with them from another plane and never have to confront anything in my real life. I still prayed anyway though, at my parent’s insistence. But it made no difference whether I prayed or not. Despite my confliction, I never said it out loud, it just lingered in the air. Somewhere I’d either created or been born with an illusion of invulnerability. I couldn’t even imagine dying, and I thought about it a lot. At night I’d lay in bed and try to imagine death, I couldn’t comprehend the nothingness. But I’d just keep doing it and thinking if I tried hard enough I could comprend what it means to not be a living thing anymore. The only thing that really came of it was that I made myself cry every time. It scared me that one day I would be nothing, think nothing, feel nothing, just the remnants of a soul and grainy overexposed 2000s film in a scrapbook my mom made. 

I feel like a lot of people, especially those raised religiously form some sort of concept of god in their heads, we heard so much about him it only made sense to put a face to a name, like when you read a novel and picture the characters in your head. For some reason, god was in an outrageously oversized tan-coloured T-shirt. He was almost bald, like he’d shaved his head and then let it grow for a few weeks just enough to have the roots poking out again. He was young too, or at least he looked young but had all of the otherworldly sacred knowledge. He had a face in my mind but I never really believed in him until it mattered, and I needed something. I’d try and get out of church, make my prayers short, pretend I actually read the Bibles I was given. Nothing scared me more than when my mom was angry. Always a loose cannon, I’d never know when it was coming. The swearing, the screaming, the belt, it would just get to me. In tears and staggered breath, I would kneel, open my window and pray to god to make it better. I used to think that if I cried hard enough, pressed my hands together and squeezed my eyes closed tight enough, he’d hear me. 

I remember watching a baptism, vaguely. I was maybe 4, maybe younger. I couldn’t really understand what was happening, or why there were stairs leading down to a shallow white pool in the floor, or why someone walked in fully clothed, throwing their hands in the air once they emerged, white clothes drenched and clinging to their skin. Everything about church was bizarre. I found pictures of my own baptism in a photo album, I’m in an outrageously puffy white ruffled dress and a matching white headband. My mom is next to the priest, and I’m in her arms, visibly throwing a fit. I laugh a little when I think about it. Now thinking about it, my family was pretty tame compared to other religious families. One day when I was in middle school, my mom took me over to a Mormon family’s house. My mom sat in the living room, talking with the husband and wife while I played in the next room with their kids. We were playing with dolls or something like that and I don’t remember exactly what we were talking about but at one point I think I said “Oh my god”, and suddenly they stopped, staring at me blankly. Just thinking about the tension in that room is sobering. It was silent for way too long. “We don’t say that.” One of them said, burning a hole through my head with her weird Mormon eyes.

When I got older and into my teens, naturally I sat upon my high horse and passed silent judgement where I saw fit. Rolling my eyes at mentions of god, heaven, hell, the afterlife, etc. To me, it was now a fairy tale for people who didn’t want to bother with science and evolution. There was resentment too, towards the people who blocked basic human rights bills because they thought an old book meant more than universal freedoms. How could you look at everything science has explained and think there’s a man up in space or that drinking caffeine is a sin. It was really cultish and scary to me. Religion was created by the same people who thought the earth was a flat disc, so what real credibility does it have? I got a little older, around 18 or 19 when things started feeling really empty and distant. I’d be laughing with my friends in the car, but I wasn’t really there. When we went our separate ways for university, and school was mostly remote, I had a lot of extra time on my hands. Extra time to feel things I didn’t want to feel and think about things I wanted to shove down deep inside. I won’t specify what, but some other bad things happened too. I was depressed and aimless, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life and still don’t. I was so angry I don’t really even have the words to explain what it felt like other than a mind numbing rage and crushing grief. I thought a lot about what it meant to even be here, frustrated and in need of a sign, anything to tell me that there is a reason to stay and that I have a future I was meant for. It took me an embarrassingly long time up until those years of my life to understand that need a purpose to persevere or to just not feel so alone, and for some people, that is religion. If there is no greater purpose or higher power, then what is the purpose of being alive? What does it mean to exist? A possible answer is that it means nothing. And that’s a tough pill to swallow. I don’t blame anyone for not wanting to face the harrowing possibility that all of this has no explanation other than random chance and that we truly are just a collection of materials, bred to eat, sleep, and die. I still don’t like people who use their religion as an excuse to ostracize minorities. But I don’t see a blind cult following so much anymore. I often see people that find meaning in life, whatever that might look like. I see people that have found a purpose, a reason to live, a reason to keep going, because they’re just people.

And it really doesn’t matter. Life has whatever meaning you give it. 

I found Ethel Cain’s music by chance one day. PD was the first album I’d found that explored religious themes in the way that it does, and the obscure relationships that come with growing up in the south and baptist culture. Coming to terms with faith, while still holding reservations, nostalgia, and judgements about it all. Though that’s not what the album is entirely about, those themes are still present. In Sun Bleached Flies, there’s a lyric in the first half:

What I wouldn’t give to be in church this Sunday

Listening to the choir so heartfelt, all singing

God loves you, but not enough to save you

In its sweet irony the song itself is part of the Ethel Cain story, while its a reference Ethel’s unfortunate circumstances and goodbye to her family and past, I think it could be interpreted in a lot of different ways, specifically the underlying themes of religious guilt and bizarre nostalgia that arises for environments that brought so much pain and confusion. There’s a general feeling of being let down by God, a feeling of unworthiness. Why does god bless and save others but not me? Why do my prayers go unanswered? I’m a good person, why is this happening to me? But there’s also a feeling of longing for those simpler times, being in church, talking to neighbours and joining them in prayer and song. Clapping in unison after the preacher gave his sermon, and shaking hands as you leave. A wanting to belong and reminiscing for the things you used to think were so boring and awful. It’s rare that I find and feel connected to music and lyrics, to songs that put subconscious feelings into words, or at least ones that inspire reflection. 

At 21 now, I have a complicated relationship with religion. If I did have to classify myself, I’d say I’m probably Agnostic. Christianity still resides in a part of me, not in faith but more like a place I came from, left behind and occasionally wax nostalgic for. I still don’t pray, if I read bible verses it’s to analyze from a non-religious lens, and I don’t go to Sunday service. When my Grandmother preaches to me about how God made no mistakes and loves us the way we are, I just smile and take her weathered hand in mine. When I’m in a church, it's to hear my grandfather sing Willie Nelson and see the smile on his face when he looks up from his old bones and guitar strings, to see his wife, sons, and grandchildren nodding along. I have a cross that I wear around my neck and it's my lucky charm. It was given to me by my grandparents, to me it's not a religious symbol, it's them. I live for my family and friends, not any god. Sometimes though, I find myself on the floor in the dark. In the shower with the lights off. In my bed trying to sleep so I can't be awake to feel anymore. When I’ve been alone with my thoughts too long, when I start to feel like I might not be here much longer, when the compartmentalized truths seep back into my consciousness and I’m left with the reality of things that have happened in the past, after I finally cry deeply enough and so silently my chest aches, I pray, and I hope that someone hears me. 

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary107

12/29/2023

friday

here's a photo i found in a magazine on internet archive today that feels too apt to not put on tumblr dot com:

anyway i emailed me resume to that kbbq place.. i can't wait to wash dishes and think about killing myself every day. i already do that but it's less, i dunno, meaningful, it's just like, yeah that's something that happens sometimes. maybe it'll just be that when i wash dishes again. it probably will be. i'm just a stupid dramatic bitch.

anyway that picture is really funny, it's too much, it's probably been posted like a million times, it's such perfect fodder for what people put up here usually.

anyway here's some other stuff i was finding from old gyaru fashion mags (looking for references for cover art):

a very young girl thing of me to do, stare at fashion mags to absorb their ways of expressing / presenting reality, graphical means and so on. but i guess everybody is like that in their own ways. guys staring at old mde videos for inspiration are more young girls than me, at least i know these are kind of psycho. this is a vapid way to think but it's funny, which is why i am doing it.

mde is on the mind because my gf started watching fishtank recently. it seems mostly insane and evil, but that's fascinating to see so i get her watching it. it's the next generation of jerry springer, i think, or other shit like that. drama youtube and fishtank, that's the next generation of trashy reality tv. it's scary to me that this stuff just won't disappear, an evil impulse in spectacular societies, to not ever look away from these kinds of systems that make people behave certain ways, and to goad people into being insane to feel like you see the evil parts of culture or whatever. or not just evil, the ugly degenerate stuff, to feel like you can always sense that. fishtank really seems to love that for its 2nd season.

anyway sam hyde is such a piece of shit, too much breath here has been wasted on that freak pedophile.

anyway today, since i got to every song re: mixing finally, i decided to listen to the album as i have it rn, at first i was a little over an hour but i cut songs, now it's 48 minutes. i'll say there's room for +/- 1 min (really like 1 min 30 w/ short songs). but idk. i should see if i can shorten some of the songs here naturally, like if they have parts that repeat too much, take too long to get to their points, whatever. there's one song that's a maybe, it depends on if i can get it to sound right and find the right place for it. i love the song, so i want to keep it in the album. i should see if there's any short song rn that i don't want to keep, but i feel really attached to them all. actually there's another maybe too, both need to be placed right i think. they both kind of stick funny in the album. they need to fit in a bit better, idk how to do that w/ the second one but i like it a lot, there's just a part that's not right yet i think, in terms of how it sounds, it could be a bit crazier, louder, noisier maybe.

when i listened i took notes on some of the songs that needed special attention at the front of the record, i got through 6 of those, the list is of 8, so 2 more tomorrow and then i go through and listen again and try to see what else needs to change.

there's like 33 songs, so there's still a lot to get through but if i can maintain this pace/something like this pace, i'll be very happy.

right now i am just thinking about how my misanthropy comes in waves, but for a long time now, it's been given no reason to recede. something about pessimism is basically addictive but i don't think i'm in some mental-opiate haze, where i am, about people, at least some of them. it feels solidly under my feet, i know something totally pyrrhic, so many people i know, i have to keep asterisks on my relationships with them, because they just say awful things or reveal things. communist friends, even, maybe them especially. it's not about my feeling that i'm better even, it's just this overwhelming being used to finding out someone you know says "i'm glad (x) is transphobic too", to someone you know, a closer friend meeting someone from online. it's like, i knew he felt that way, i knew the person he was talking about felt that way too, my friend probably knew too, he is frustrated because it's stupid that anyone would decide to confide this in you. when pushed on it, this person who i guess is still basically something like a friend said "well it's because of andrea dworkin. it's feminist," which is so stupid and gross. i hate what radical feminism means now, or in the hands of people like that, i also hate that i basically know and expect this kind of thing from people who are close friends w/ this other friend (with asterisks) because she sort of becomes their whole moral/political compass because she's the kind of person who you want to agree w/ you or tell you that you're fine and whatever.

beyond this, other insane social failures that have left my friends, my closer ones who i don't have to put asterisks on, miserable and paranoid. not a terrible sort of paranoid, like this other guy i knew, who believed the satanic panic was real and all kinds of other shit. he also was vaguely transphobic, worried about the biopolitical consequences of hrt. seeing that problem and not questioning the broader circumstance that put us here, and instead accepting the reactionary assumption that this kind of thing is wasteful and dangerous from the jump, and feeding a fantasy or whatever. messing with your body is too far. he accepted people otherwise though, the paranoid guy, he was very catholic and maybe just not sure of things entirely. transphobic is ultimately only half right for these people, he really did accept people, when i told him about diy hrt, he was shocked and it seemed to change his mind on something, i couldn't tell what. but his obsession with child abuse cults and conspiracies broadly made him impossible to really talk to. he was also a communist. i am not complaining about communism, just expressing that these are not fascists.

i don't really know what i'm talking about. a lot of these people are just so frustrating. i don't know why they are like this.

i am getting tired now, so

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!

[rezdragon]

December 2023 Project Update:

Whoops, haven't done this in awhile.

The Disaster Archives - Everyday I sometimes slip up and say that I'm still working on Normal. Anyways, this is still in the story planning phase, but the story is nearly mapped out. I've almost finished the outline, then I will write a treatment, and THEN the script. I am taking this story way more seriously than I did Normal, as Normal was truly a testing ground for how I would approach working on TDA. Now that we're coming into January, I'm actually planning on taking some time off from work and going off into Central Washington for some field research for this story, since most of it takes place in the Columbian Basin. I need to know what it sounds like, if my locations will work (because I want this to be accurate), and hunt for any other possible ideas for something I might have not thought of sitting behind my computer. I haven't the slightest clue when I am going to finish Everyday; I predict that it won't be until 2025 at this point, due to all of the work that's ahead of me on that project. I am going to be seeking funding for this project just because the cost to produce this is going to go up significantly compared to Normal. [Normal was made with just under $200, I predict Everyday's budget will be at least $1,000, maybe more if I have to upgrade my computer.]

Horizon & State of Agony When I'm not thinking about TDA, I'm working on Horizon. I'm putting State of Agony on the back burner for now because the album is kind of a mess and I'm not really fond of it as an album experience. I want to come back to it after I've finished Horizon. Horizon has been very slow going due to a lot of factors, but I do keep picking at it when I can. Don't know when I'll be finishing Horizon either, I predict I might finish it by March of 2024.

Tasukete Remaster Yeah, I'm remastering Tasukete once we get into January because the album sounds like ass and the structure is ass and I can do better. This HOPEFULLY shouldn't take me very long, this is mostly just a "I really can't stand how awful Digital Dark Age sounds, I want to fix it and the rest of the album." Expect this out sometime in January.

A Smash Machinima Project (If I tell you the title, it will spoil it) Yes, really, and it's not OR. I've gotten lines recorded by GSlayer and myself, I'm waiting on one more person before I start filming that. It will be... a nightmare.

A completely different Smash Machinima Project It involves Ash, that's all I'm saying about it right now. I want to storyboard this sometime, no idea if I will finish this or not, right now it's kind of a pipe dream that I'm hoping I can work myself into making.

Orintheous' Revenge I do think about OR occasionally, I swear. Sometimes I actually really want to work on it, and then Rez comes and grabs me by my collar and then I forget about OR for awhile.

Ghost Stories of North Idaho Moving kind of killed this project, as I was hoping to get it out for Halloween this year. I think I'll shelve it until next Halloween. I did record some sound effects for it recently, and I still need to edit the short stories, which I do when I have the free time at my day job. This project isn't dead, just had to get pushed aside for life stuff.

And that's about it for things I am actively working on.

[ask-the-crimson-king]

Music Shill of the Day: Bloodlines by Pyramaze

NEW PYRAMAZE LADS! I'll be going over my thoughts on each song + an album final thoughts at the end.

Rating system as per usual: 10: PERFECTION, zero complaints, best song. 5: Average. Whelming. Nothing to write home about. 1: Awful. Why did they make this?

Due to not wanting this post to be longer than it already will be, I'll only be including embedded videos for the top 3; I have a link for the various platforms you can stream the album in full here.

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, we begin with...

BLOODLINES: 7/10

Similar to Disciples of the Sun and Epitaph, this album opens with a completely instrumental track. I will say, I do like this track, it sounds very nice and, after having gone through the album a few times, it does encompass a lot of the emotional themes that are present for the album as a whole. It definitely has a cinematic feel, almost something like Two Steps From Hell, but without the massive orchestral sound to it. It's a very pleasant track to listen to, the ethereal singing in the background meshes perfectly with the building instrumental elements. The inclusion of guitar is also very welcomed and not to jarring.

The only thing I wish this track did was have a bit more of a lead-in to the next song, but instead it ends off as it's own piece and I can definitely appreciate that. It breaks a bit of a trend I've been seeing in the musical spheres I've occupied -- see Gloryhammer, Kamelot, or arguably even Pyramaze's last album Epitaph. So for that it's definitely got my respect and I do enjoy the track.

2. TAKING WHAT'S MINE: 9/10

BANGER. Banger. Banger.

This song definitely has a more pop-ish influence on it but it's genuinely good despite that. It still definitely feels like a grounded and wonderful symphonic metal track. The guitars still carry this very heavy feel even while the instrumental elements give the piece a bit of a lighter tone throughout.

The vocals are fantastic, and they don't feel as though they're the only reason you're listening to the song. They fit well with the rest of the track, they're not too loud nor too quiet, it's perfectly balanced.

The symphonic break at about 3 minutes in? While it's short (literally only a few seconds), I LOVE it to pieces. The piano and strings highlight the sort of triumphant and yet melancholic feel that permeates through the song. It's very good.

Song good. My only complaint is that the song feels kinda shortened somehow? I'm not entirely sure why, but it feels like it could definitely have tacked on another minute and sounded a bit more complete.

3. FORTRESS: 8.5/10

Another banger, and if I remember correctly this was their second single for the record. And MAN did it get me hyped for this album.

It's music video has a sea-faring feel to it which is... genuinely interesting. I don't know why they went in that direction (there might be an interview somewhere with the lads to explain why that I haven't seen) and lyrically I don't really connect it to a story about an old lighthouse keeper, but it's still cool, and the instrumentals do reflect this. There's a few elements of a more sea-like ambience scattered throughout.

Despite the lyrics kinda being at odds with the narrative they told through their music video, this song is still really great. I loved it since it first dropped. It's definitely leaning a bit more heavily on its symphonic bits than Taking What's Mine, as the guitar sometimes does get a bit overshadowed and outshone by them, but I don't think this is a bad aspect. I do enjoy me some nice symphonic in my symphonic metal, after all. But that would be one of my few nitpicks. There is a bit also where there could have been a solo or something but with how the guitars are handled in general I do think it'd clash a bit too harshly with the song.

Still, Fortress good. Has been for a minute. Still is.

4. BROKEN ARROW: 6/10

This was their FIRST single off this new record, and it's good. This has a similar feel to it in terms of how the instrumentals are handled; there's a lot more emphasis on the symphonic parts and I feel like the keyboard shines a bit more in the song here. The guitars mainly are here to carry rhythm then stand out on their own.

It's good, it's catchy, it's nice. Nothing to really write home about.

5. EVEN IF YOU'RE GONE: 7/10

DAMN this feels like Particle 2. And I really loved Particle off Epitaph, so I enjoy this. The keyboard hard CARRIES this song, it's beautiful and soft and sits right behind the vocals and it's wonderful. Again, this is not a song you're coming to for the guitars; they're here, but more for rhythm. It's partially why I call it Particle 2.

The vocals are also very good and very nice. The variance is nice, and the lyrics are... Something. I can't tell if this is a pining song or if this is borderline "I love someone who committed suicide" or potentially a strange "I want someone even though they didn't want me". To show what I mean, take some lyrics:

Lost in the fire Burning my skin like you warned me Breaking the walls you build to avoid all the pain outside

Will you finally be my destiny?

I see the light here I know that you don't But I wanna be the one you really want Through the nightmares we're chasing the dawn I'll be fighting for you even if you're gone Even if you're gone

[. . .]

Save me from myself I try to let go Take my pain away Away Save me from myself I can't breathe

It's kinda back and forth, which is neat cause it means there's a few different ways these lyrics can be interpreted. But overall, the song is still good.

6. ALLIANCE: 5/10

I'm gonna be honest, I'm not a ballad guy. The song is objectively good, but it's not for me. Here is probably the objectively best piano on the album, and the duet with Melissa Bonny is very nice. The vocals are good, the instrumentals are good, the song is fine. It kinda feels like Under Grey Skies by Kamelot. Kinda.

It's not a bad song, but it's just not what I enjoy too much.

7. THE MIDNIGHT SUN: 9.5/10

And we're RIGHT BACK into the action again with the Midnight Sun. WHAT A BANGER of a song, and what a wake-up call from Alliance. The guitars are BACK, they're at the forefront again and every element of the band is absolutely on display. Where the mid was a bit muddled through with a LOT of symphonic stuff taking a bit of center stage, now we got a bit of a more metal feel.

This song is still along the lines of a ballad in terms of the vocals, which is contrasted by some of the heavier riffs accompanying them in the best way possible. There's plenty of places for the guitars to shine, the piano is still easily heard in the back even with the symphonic elements around it. Song is GOOD.

The lyrical content is also low key trans coded, happy pride. Mainly this bit:

I was the son you never had But how come everything turned bad? After the rain had washed your sorrows away You took a new position Without my permission

[. . .]

Look at the ways of the world now It's a race of alarming it somehow And the further we get from the truth The sacrifice of innocent youths

Are we all but puppets at dance? A bittersweet, egotistical romance Built upon the remainders of trash Self-imploding as we crash

Am I absolutely inserting meaning here that doesn't exist? Yes. However. I am trans and this is my agenda.

Happy pride lads. Excellent song.

8. STOP THE BLEEDING: 8/10

The entirety of the back half of this album is definitely softer and more melodic feeling in contrast to the first, and it's a good thing. It makes for a very pleasant listening experience. Stop the Bleeding is a bit slower and less punchy than Midnight Sun, but I still rate it very highly.

While the guitars throughout most of the song are back to being a backbone rather than more of their own beast, there is a nice solo that lets them shine a bit more, which is nice. The instrumentals here are way more symphonic and orchestral in sound; there's a lot of very evident strings in the back, and the piano is still there highlighting the song. The vocals take a bit of the center stage during the verses but for the chorus, especially the last one? It all blends together beautifully. It's wonderful. Very good.

I compare this to Taking What's Mine and I say that this almost has the feel of that song but if it were allowed that extra minute. It's a very nice listening experience, and a good song in general.

9. THE MYSTERY: 7/10

I never thought I'd say a song is "adorable" but this song is legitimately adorable. It has a feel of whimsy throughout and it's a very delightful and joyous song. The lyrical content concerns our narrator just wondering about the worlds beyond Earth in the stars, wondering about what they may see, and wondering about the big "mystery".

The big "mystery", of course, is why humanity is here. What the purpose of life is. For a song tackling such a subject, I love that it feels so... I hesitate to say childlike, but it is a fitting descriptor. It's bright, where many other songs I've heard that tackles this existential question are usually very somber or reflective or even melancholic in sound. It's refreshing and it's inspiring. It's a very nice song.

10. WOLVES OF THE SEA: 7.5/10

ROUNDING IT OFF WITH ANOTHER INSTRUMENTAL PIECE. Which was a little surprising on a first listen through.

This piece is a HARD contrast to The Mystery, where it takes on the more solemn tones found everywhere in the album. This is also definitely more Two Steps from Hell than Bloodlines is, and it's good for it. Because while it definitely has that more drab and melancholic feel at the beginning, it does transition into this more hopeful and inspiring sound. It generally basically feels like all the musical themes of the album are brought together and rounded out in a really good orchestral track.

There's a couple of small leitmotifs sprinkled within to make it that much more whole and complete. It's a very nice way to end off the album.

OVERALL FEELINGS:

Bloodlines is a great album. It feels like it has something for everyone who is into the more proggy/symphonic side of metal. If you enjoyed Epitaph and Disciples of the Sun, you'll probably like this album too. It's very enjoyable to listen to and it's pretty short, only clocking in at 44 minutes. It's very good, and if you've never heard Pyramaze before, PLEASE check them out.

I will say, I do think I enjoy Epitaph just a bit more, purely due to The Time Traveller, Particle, and its title track, Epitaph. But this album is still not a bad introduction for newcomers, and it's a good new step in their catalog.