#like someone MADE that!!!! isnt that WONDERFUL??? isnt that AMAZING????

[cheriboms]

I really love loving things <3

[hauntingblue]

Gear 5 luffy's laugh is so contagious I just hear the drums and go insane how does this work. What did he do to me

[puppyeared]

save me old flipnote studio MVs.......

[alsaurus-loves-dean]

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[elegyofthemoon]

getting jumpscared by voice actors is so funny i was just trying to watch old dgrayman scene compiles and suddenly iAN SINCLAIR?????

[pacifymebby]

Hello❤️ if your requests were still open I was wondering if you'd do peaky blinders headcannons for some of the blinders (it doesn't have to be all if you don't want to do them all) but for them and a female reader who they get put into an arranged marriage with and after they get married they find out she already has a baby or young child? You totally don't have to do it if you don't want to or aren't comfortable with it!! I blame the idea on my current baby fever 😂😂 You're amazing and I hope you're doing well❤️❤️

Tommy

🌿 Going to be surprised but quietly impressed you kept it from him so well. He did his research into you and nothing about a baby came up.

🌿He will however be angry with you and your family because you weren't honest with him. He won't confrobt you immediately however you will notice the change in his mood. How cold and harsh he is to you. You don't know it but every time he shoots you one of those icy unforgiving stares, he's contemplating going to war with your family over it.

🌿At first he believes you have betrayed him, he sees it as your family trying to insult his family.

🌿Won't feel sorry for you despite knowing you didn't want to be married to him. You had the opportunity to be honest with him and for whatever reasons you lied to him too.

🌿However, there's no screaming or shouting, he doesn't threaten you. Honestly every time he looks at you he thinks he could hit you, thinks he could kill you and each deceitful bastard family member you have. The only reason he doesn't is because he doesn't want to act without knowing the truth.

🌿He's angry because someones tricked him, it doesn't matter that its you, doesn't matter the lie, he's just angry someone managed to trick him and every time he looks at you he feels that nauseating rage build inside him... And its because of this he can't confront you. He can't risk being deceived again...

🌿So he has to bide his time, the whole time treating you so cold and unforgiving. He hardly says a word to you, won't stop fixing you with that hateful glare... You feel so alone in that big house and you cry yourself to sleep every night. Tommy watches as you pale and thin and he doesn't feel a shred of guilt because until he learns the truth about you he believes that this is the bed you've made for yourself. That you deserve misery.

🌿But then he does learn the truth. He fibds out exactly why you have that baby, what happened to you, why your family were so keen to sell you down the river and marry you off to any old birmingham criminal they could.

🌿Suddenly he feels terribly guilty, he feels like a fucking fool and suddenly all that anger directed at you will be turned in on himself. He's made a fucking horrible mess of your life and he has things he needs to fix, but the first thing he does is call you into his office...

🌿You're terrified, literally trembling as you stand opposite him barely able to look him in the eyes. You worked out weeks ago that he must know about the child and now you're terrified of what he's going to say to you. You know he isnt affraid of killing, for a moment you're terrified he's hurt your baby...

🌿Before he's even said a word you've crumbled, your sob catching in your throat and then bursting from your chest untameable. He feels his heart break to look at you, you're distraught and in part he knows its his fault for being such a cruel bastard.

🌿 He stands up, let out a small sigh and approaches you carefully. When he touches you you flinch and cry harder and it breaks his heart.

🌿 With his hands on your shoulders trying to guide you into a hug he will apologise to you, "S'alright love, I know what happened yeah, know what they've done to you angel, you're safe now and always will be... Know about your baby too but don't..."

🌿"I'm sorry Tommy, don't hurt her please! I'm so fuckin sorry I... I..." you try your best but you just choke on your apology and can't get the words out. You're trembling in his arms when he finally pulls you in against his chest.

🌿"Hush y/n, shh, it's alright now, alls forgiven, you don't need to say anythin now yeah, alls forgiven..."

🌿He will apologise to you there and then, holding you so tenderly, his arms around you, his thumb stroking your shoulder, his chin resting in your hair as he rocks and calms you carefully.

🌿"S'alright angel, s'alright, no ones hurting your little girl I promise... I understand that we lie sometimes eh? We do bad things to protect ourselves and the ones we love, so I understand why you lied to me alright, I do..."

🌿 "All is forgiven now and I'm gonna bring your little one home yeah, gonna bring her home to her mam and dad but I ask one thing of you yeah, just this one thing angel, you an me we're married now, husband and wife, and we may not have married for love but we made those vows before god and so we must keep them, to have an to hold, for better for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish... Now I promised you those things and I intend to keep my promise... All I ask of you is that you be honest with me now yeah? No more lies, only truth..."

🌿He'll tell you that he wants to help you, wants to help you get your little girl back, wants to help you get revenge on all the people who have wronged you. He'll offer to make sure you never have to see your father who split you and the baby up, sold you off to an evil man.

🌿 "There there y/n, it's all alright now, I know you're a good girl, know you didn't want any of this, an I bet you've been so scared all this time eh? Terrified of everythin thats happened, no one to talk to about it... Terrified of me too?" he'll be stroking his fingers through your hair, holding you so delicately that its impossible for you to remember why you were ever scared of him. "Well you ain't gonna be scared anymore sweetheart... I promise, you ain't ever gonna be scared no more."

🌿He really will keep his promise, the Shelbys are a family of misfits and he'll welcome you and the child into the heart of the family. He'll raise your little girl as his own, and will probably insist upon lying to the child so that she doesn't have to know the true evils of her real father... Not that Tommy thinks hes any less bad really.

🌿He spoils your little girl rotten too, she's a real daddy's girl. He knows the darkness she was born of and into and wants to give her everything all little girls deserve, a good life with no rain. He also probably remembers little Ruby and views your daughter as the second chance he never thought he'd get.

🌿And though you may have been scared of him to begin with, the care, generosity and devotion he shows you leave you weak at the knees and almost dependent on him. You think the sun shines out of him and see him as your only hope in a dark world, the man who offered you kindness and forgiveness when you needed it the most. He picked you up off your feet when you were vulnerable and held you like a little bird with a broken wing. You won't hear a bad word said against him.

🌿You definitely do grow to love him and I believe he grows to love you too, what starts as him trying to do the right thing becomes this mutual respect and admiration, becomes adoration the more he gets to know you, how sweet and kind and good you are. He probably also appreciates your intelligence and understanding which you gained from having such a dark start in life.

Alfie

🐻 Isn't against arranged marriages when it comes to keeping Jewish women safe with Jewish men... Especially when there are so many predatory Shelby esque cunts out there who would take advantage of the young and naive. However, Alfie is against arranged marriages when its "marrying your terrified young daughter off to a mean old man to make peace with a rival gang..." which is what this is...

🐻 So he doesn't want to marry you and honestly doesnt have much respect for your parents who he thinks essentially traded you in for a few quid.

🐻 When your father had come to him, offering his daughter as a bride to clear his debts, Alfie really had considered shooting the cunts head clean off. The only reason he hadn't was the thought of you...

🐻 He'd seen you around Camden Town a few times, you worked in the bakery he often walked by and from what he remembered you were far too young for your father to be offering you up like that. You were practically still a child...

🐻 And that's why he accepted the offer. Because he knew that if he didn't you'd end up getting roped into all kinds of awful things by your shameless fuck of a father... There were other, less respectable ways a man could sell his daughter to clear his debts and he could tell just by having looked at you that those things would kill you.

🐻 On the day before your wedding, the first day he gets to speak to you he gives you this little speech. He comes to see you before you are married, which is bad luck in all cultures but apparently a wide soread myth among Jewish communities, which is exactly what he tells you when you try to hide yourself away from him.

🐻 "Now trust me zieskiet, see these," he'd tap his eye glasses and push them slightly down his nose as he looks at you seriously, "I only wear em when I need to read somet very carefully, and before I came to see you today I tripple checked right because I wouldn't want to do anything to give you anymore rotten luck eh, think you've had quite enough if that eh, can't get much worse than this here deal you've already been dealt can it? Now... Its a technicality perhaps but, it ain't mentioned anywhere in Talmudic literature yeah, neither any medieval writings what I could find either yeah... Its what you'd call a myth zieskiet... And that poppet, is very lucky because I've got a few things I'd like to say to you now yeah, just a few important things alright?"

🐻 He'd pull out a chair and gesture for you to sit down, this is Alfie we're talking about, even he knows he isn't going to be quick about this.

🐻 But he talks really gently to you, very seriously, but very gently.

🐻 "Right then, yeah, a few things I need to say to you now the night before our wedding day, our wedding day which is tomorrow yeah..."

🐻 "I know you're scared of me, don't blame you to be honest, I'd be scared, no, fucking terrified if someone told me I had to marry this mean old man yeah... Cause its true ain't it, I am mean, and I am old yeah, but I ain't ever gonna be mean to you,"

🐻 "Actually darlin whats gonna happen is this yeah, tomorrow when we have our nissu'in right, and then every day and night after that for the rest of our shared life together, I'm gonna look after you yeah, gonna take good care of you an thats a promise right?" the whole time hes talking you're just looking back at him speechless, a little confused and very very uncertain because you've heard so many terrying things about this man, that he's insane, that he's ruthless... And lets face it he isn't exactly coming off sane right now...

🐻 "This here right now yeah, this is me Alfie Solomons promising you y/n l/n that I'm gonna take proper care of you yeah, I ain't gonna hurt you, ain't gonna be cruel alright, won't force you to do anything you don't want to do... I don't expect you to fall in love with this ugly mug of mine yeah, I ain't gonna force you..." he looks right into your eyes then, holding both your hands in his, so serious that you have to trust him. You can see he isn't lying but it only makes you more nervous because you knew he wouldn't be promising you these things if he knew about the terrible deception your family were tryibg to pull off behind his back.

🐻 You feel so guilty then, you hadn't at first because you'd believed him to be just as bad as your father and brothers who were forcing you into this situation. The ones who had taken your child from you and threatened you with her life if you dared tell a soul.

🐻 But this man is so different from all the stories you'd heard, he's being so kind to you. The first man who has been kind to you for quite awhile. And you're still so naive, you want to trust him so badly, you want to believe you really don't need to be scared...

🐻 When Alfie sees the tears escape your eyes he doesnt understand, he thinks he's done something wrong and he panics and drops to his knees holding your hands and looking up at you, desperate to sooth you, he can't believe he's gone and made it worse.

🐻 "What's the matter poppet, what have I said?" but you just shake your head and try to hide your face in your hands scared to tell him the truth, your voice shaking when the words leave your lips. "Theres... Theres a child... A baby..." for a moment he thinks you're telling him you really are only a child and he launches into another speech about how its alright, he's only marrying you to save you from being married off to someone else...

🐻 "Zieskiet, stop crying little one, stop now eh, shh, I just told you didn't I, my only intention is to look after you, so you're only a littlen right you can stay a littlen I ain't gonna force you to be a woman yeah, I'm gonna..." "No!" you sob then, shaking and completely distraught and panicked then because he doesn't understand and he's not listening, "I'm not a child Mr Solomons, I have a child! I've a baby girl and... And... Oh god they're going to kill us both if I tell anyone and now I've told you, they're... My poor girl..." you cry into your hands, Alfie just watching you completely dumbfounded.

🐻 If he thought he lacked respect for your father before he has none left now. Now he really does wish he'd blown the cunts head off...

🐻 He sighs, takes your hands from your eyes and holds them in his, stroking your palms with his thumbs as he speaks.

🐻 "Now see, none of what you've just said yeah, none of that changes anythin of what I've just said... Everything I promised you just now yeah, all of that still stands, seems to me little zieskiet that you are a very scared, very sad little girl yeah, you and your baby need someone to take care of you both alright, someone who will keep you both safe and sound right and that someone yeah, that someones me..."

🐻 He can't hide the disgust at finding out you're a mother, you're so young... how the fuck have you got a child... He has his suspicions however and vows that after the wedding, when he has both you and your little one safe and sound, he'll pay your father another visit... Find out the truth once and for all, set a few things straight, get a little revenge.

🐻 He'll be so gentle with you, will take the baby in and let everyone believe it's his. He will take such good care of both of you. He probably won't even ask many questions of you if he gets the impression that you don't want to talk about what you've been through.

🐻 He'll ask if the father was a good man or not but he's already maade his mind up that unless the mans dead he cant be good cause he abandoned you and your daughter.

🐻 He never really thought he'd be a father, never thought he'd have a family... Always blamed it on his line of work, that it was better to be lonely and not risk losing anyone you loved, but he likes the family he's got now. Actually he loves them.

🐻 He has a fatherly protective sense of duty towards you both and you look to him as your saviour, the only person in the world you'll ever trust. He's so gentle and kind to you, and has demonstrated on more than one occasion that he'd kill and be killed for you and your little girl... That despite that "ugly mug" which you don't actually find ugly at all by the way, you can't help but want him as yours.

🐻 Its one of those "plenty of time to fall in love after the wedding" situations. Over time you adore him and want nothing more than to devote yourself to him.

🐻 Alfie will be such a good father. Sure it will be in that classic grumpy old man kind of way, always fretting about you and the baby, wanting to provide for you both, worrying about your safety, worrying that you'll get sick, worrying that you're not happy etc... He will be totally devoted to you, he'll grow to love the child as if she's his own and he'll love you too.

🐻 And he'll stand by his promise too, he doesn't force you to love him, doesn't force you to be intimate with him, and the first time you kiss him he's so stunned by your delicate fingers tracing the scar on his cheek that he blushes. When your lips touch his he puts a finger to your lips abd reminds you again, "zieskiet you don't have to pretend what did I tell you..."

🐻 "Fuck what you told me I ain't pretending nothin..."

Arthur

🍂 Tommy is forcing Arthur to get married because he thinks it'll force him to get over Linda. His brother thinks it will force him to get his head together once and for all and he pitches the deal to arthur as a clean slate, a fresh start with a pretty face.

🍂 But arthurs a bit uneasy about it, he doesn't believe for a second that anyone would ever want to marry him. No one in there right mind at least.

🍂 "And this girl eh brother... What's wrong with her that she's agreein to all this..." "I don't know what you mean brother..." says Tommy trying to feign naivety, but he knows what Arthurs getting at and knows his brothers skirting close to the truth.

🍂 "You know what I mean Tommy don't get stupid with me brother, you're the clever one ain't you... I've got a reputation haven't I... Now who the fucks giving their daugther away to a fuckin monster like me..."

🍂 And he's right about that reoutation, you are absokutely petrified of him. On your wedding day you're shaking and you can't keep the tears from your eyes. You do well to hold most of them back but Arthur sees them caught in your lashes. You look so sad and so scared and it hurts him to see you like that, knowing he's the root of that fear.

🍂You seem so gently and sweet, so timid. When you say your vows your voice is so wuiet, you're like a littke mouse or a baby bird. So pretty abd shy.

🍂 And Arthurs not exactly s genlte man, he's clumsy and awkward and he's always louder than he means to be, and somehow your shyness only makes that worse. He feels even clumsier and rougher around you and he's so painfully selfconcious because he doesn't want to scare you at all.

🍂 So he has to try and show you his soft side, which he isn't sure he actually has. He tries to ask Tommy for advice but his brother doesn't take him seriously, just shrugs and laughs him off, tells him "if you're so scared of the girl you don't have to speak to her at all... Consumate your marriage and never speak to her again..." but that thought horrifies Arthur who shakes his head and gets frustrated, "Nah, nah Tommy that ain't right, thats fuckin cruel Tom..."

🍂 So he asks Ada who laughs at him but, because she feels sorry for you - she remembers how scared you look the day you got married - she does her best to offer her brother some advice, advice about minding his coarse language, not raising his voice, not knocking furniture over or breaking olates when he's drunk and angry.

🍂 And polly gives him some advice too, about how to hold a hand without squeezing too tight, about how to touch a woman's cheek delicately, how to brush her hair behind her ear without poking her in the eye or making her flinch...

🍂 Arthur takes this advice very seriously and tries so so hard to be a gentleman to you. He really tries not to swear, really tries not ti get drunk or angry. But just as things are starting to work out between you, just as you both stop being so timid around one another he finds out about the baby.

🍂 He gets jumped outside the Garrison by some scratty bastard claiming Arthur Shelby stole his son.

🍂 His first response is anger, naturally. He's absolutely livid that you didnt tell him. He's spent all this time being careful with you, trying so hard to be a good man for you and all this time you've been lying to him, keeping this massive secret. And not just from him either... you didnt tell tonmy and its a betrayal of trust, you've not just insulted him but his whole family...

🍂 He doesn't know what to do, he completely panics because he's going to have to carry this shame to his brother, his brother who will probably kill you and your family for deceiving the Shelbys.

🍂 However, a lot of his anger is down to panic... You have a child, a whole fucking child! Have you been expecting him to be a father to that child this whole time? He isn't cut out for that, he ain't cut out to be a fucking dad...

🍂 He takes a lot of his anger out on the cunt claiming to be the father of your child, he doesnt stop to work out if any of its lies, just throws himself at the bastard because this man isn't pleasant and he's socked Arthur in the jaw and started making all these nasty threats... So all that anger and fear, all the hatred and betrayal, he takes it out on this stupid bastard, beating him within an inch of his life.

🍂 He doesnt kill him though because he needs to know if hes telling the truth about being the lads dad... Your man...

🍂 When he confronts you you get so so scared... You back away trying to put a safe distance between you and Arthur who has just stumbled in covered in blood, wreaking of the drink.

🍂And then when he tells you about the man who jumped him, when you hear what Arthurdid you start crying and suddenly Arthur gets worried, has he potentially killed this man you love? Will you ever forgive him, will you be scared of him for the rest of your miserable lives together... Has he doomed you both to suffer eachother in hate and fear forever?

🍂 But then you throw your arms around him and he realises you're crying tears of relief. That you're holding onto him so tightly, just saying "Thank you, oh thank god, thank you Arthur, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I shouldn't have lied to you I just didn't know what to do, I was so scared, oh god thank you... Know i shouldnt be happy but i am."

🍂 He's confused as fuck tbh, doesnt know what to make of it, struggles to stand there and hold you because he isn't very good with crying women and you're utterly hysterical. He awkwardly puts his arns around you, oats you on the back and just kind of waits for you to explain...

🍂 "ere love don't cry eh, calm down sweetheart, ain't gonna solve anythin cryin like this are ye..." He's awkward, blushing and a little embarrassed, doesn't know what to do and feels totally helpless.

🍂 When you do explain everything, that you were never married to the man, that he ain't your man at all and never was, but that it is his kid and the reason your parents gave you up to Arthur is because they were so frightened of the man that they knew you needed to leave ur city, go somewhere with dangerous people who could keep u safe etc..." Arthur just listens completely baffled, getting more confused but also more upset as the story goes on. He's uoset for you and the more you tell him youre sorry, the more you beg his forgiveness and tell him you didn't mean to use him, didn't mean to cause any trouble, that they didnt give you a choice just packed you off in the middle of the night... The more certain Arthur becomes that he has to stand by you. He remembers your timid delicate face the day of your wedding, the tears in your eyes, the lack of family with you in the church... He realises that this has all been one long nightmare for you and that your fate rests on him. That he can choose to help you or doom you to a life of misery.

🍂In the end he's relieved too, he chuckled nervously and tells you that all considered he's glad he fucked the guy up as bad as he did. "Only fuckin sorry I didn't kill him... If I ever see that bas... Sorry, if I ever see him again I promise you love I will..."

🍂 "You're family now eh love, my family you and the baby and I'll do me best to be a good husband and a fuckin good father too, know I'm not really a good man but I promise you I'll do me best..."

🍂 Will admit he doesnt know what hes doing and you'll say lets face it, his own dads not exactly an angel...

John

🌼 We already know that John isn't going to be happy about the idea of an arranged marriage, especially not one orchestrated by his brother to make peace with a rival gang.

🌼 He will throw a strop when Tommy tells him, he'll be livid, accusing him of treating him like a child, "always fuckin controllin us all whenre you gonna get bored of playing the fuckin puppet master eh?"

🌼 Stupid and pissed off enough to try and start a physical fight with him, shoves him hard and has to be held back by Arthur, who has to try and be balanced. He isn't really in agreement with the situation either but he doesn't want to see John do anything stupid, and he knows that if John hits his brother again Tommy will come down full force on the lad.

🌼 So John will be dragged by his heals to the altar, he's still grumbling when they arrive at the field your wedding is to be held in. He's wearing a real school boy scowl when Arthur and Finn push him up to stand with beside you. He can't see you but you can see him through the veil which covers your face and the sight of his sullen expression strikes fear in you. He looks so angry, he looks like all those bad stories you've heard about the Peaky Blinders might actually be true...

🌼 But when the veil is taken from your face and John sees you for the first time everything changes... You're so pretty, with the soft earthy features, your eyes so emotive, a real deer look about you as you gaze back at him a little shyly...

🌼 Something about your pretty face and your soft features sooths him, calms his temper and suddenly he isn't so sulky anymore. Suddenly he's wearing a shy smile of his own, looking at you like he can't quite believe his luck.

🌼 When the sermons being read and you're both waiting to make your vows, kneeling together at the altar John turns to you with a little smirk and nods, whispers "Hullo," his cheeky smile and the way he's whispering over the sermon makes you feel like a kid being naughty in class. You're blushing and biting back a cheeky smile of your own when you whisper "hello," back.

🌼 He can't help but flirt with you, he knows this should be terribly awkward and that you're probably really unhappy to be there being married off to some stranger with a criminal record but he can't help himself. Your smiles so pretty and once he's had a taste of it he keeps chasing it.

🌼 He's also a little embarrassed to have arrived so reluctantly to your wedding, feels like he's got a lot of making up to do...

🌼 He'll sense your awkwardness and want to put you at ease, he can tell that you're shy, can tell that you feel nervous and he'll want to make you relax. Now that he's seen you he isn't so annoyed to be being married off to you and he wants to show you he's not all that bad either.

🌼 So he's whispering pointless small talk to you throughout the sermon, making you smile and stifle a giggle, earning you reproachful looks from Johnny Dogs who is trying his best to recite the sermon without throttling John for not taking it seriously.

🌼 But John is all, "pleasure t'meet you," shooting you that boyish smirk, making eyes at you like its just you and him having some private joke...

🌼 But he sees your hand shaking when Johnny goes to cut your palms and mix your blood and John remembers that although he can make his jokes and tease and flirt with you, you're probably still petrified of the future that lies ahead. You probably don't want to be doing this at all.

🌼 So when he clasps your hand in his and your blood meets his blood he holds your gaze and leans in to mumble something to quietly, lips barely moving, voice barely above a whisper. "Don't be scared flower." Of course its all good and well saying it but how can he really help you, of course you're going to be scared...

🌼 So later when everyone else is drinking and dancing he takes you to one side, his hand on your waist and then when he realises he's probably being too intimate, snatching his hand away, scratching the back of his neck instead. "Listen y/n I'm really fuckin sorry about all this, know its probably not what you imagined for your wedding day..."

🌼 But honestly, you're not sad to be marrying John. You didn't have dreams of a big romantic wedding or a husband you fell in love with at first sight... But you think that seeing John at the altar that morning is as close to love at first sight as you could possibly get... Yes you were nervous, yes you were shy, scared about your future... But not because you were marrying John... Well, your trembling hand had been a little to do with John but not because you were scared of him...

🌼 So you blush and shake your head and try to tell him he doesn't need to apologise, "I like you John," you say imediately looking at the floor, a shy but cheeky smile on your lips as you stand on tiptoe, brave enough for a fleeting second that you stand on tiptoes and kiss his cheek, leaving him blushing and speechless. "Really I do... I'm happy I got to marry you..."

🌼But John can tell that somethings not right, maybe you're not sad about the wedding or about marrying him but you're sad about him. He knows what sad girls look like, he saw many of them after the war and you look just as torn up as all those young widows...

🌼 Your little one is at your wedding, your mother is raising them, trying to pass them off as her own. And you've done well all day to pretend the little two year old is just a younger sister...

🌼 But John recognises your mothering instinct come out when the child runs over to hug you and you pick them up so lovingly. He can tell that you're not sisters, he can see that cherished look as you nuzzle your nose against hers. And he can tell by the tears in your eyes when you place her down on the ground and send her back to your mother. The way your gaze lingers as you watch her go, you look whistful, forlorn. Like a girl in mourning.

🌼 And Johns annoyed but not because you lied to him and not because he's just found out he's going to have another child on his hands. No, Johns annoyed that you were going to let your mother raise it, that you'd give up your kid just like that... Seemingly guiltless...

🌼But when he confronts you, umable to control his anger, snapping at you, growling the accusation at your through his teeth, breaking your heart because he's got it all wrong... You begin to cry, not hysterically but calmly. The tears running quietly down your cheeks as you look back at him with all this dissapointment in your eyes.

🌼 All day he's been so sweet you, sharing those conspiratorial smirks with you, as if you understood one another... Now you're worried he doesn't understand anything at all.

🌼 "I didn't want to... I don't, its fuckin breakin my heart to let her go... I don't have a fuckin choice they've... They..." you try to explain it to him, that your family forced you to give the baby up to your mother and let her raise it instead so that you wouldn't bring shame to the family, and so that Tommy wouldn't call off the engagement.

🌼 Then he has to swallow his anger, he doesn't want to see you crying and youre shivering there, sniffling in front of him all teary eyed, you're doing your best to stand up to him and he feels pretty guilty. His wife, standing up to him on her wedding night for fuck sake...

🌼 He gets angry with your family then, storming over to Tommy to tell him what they've put you through, to tell him what he thinks of his new in laws. He's suddenly very protective of you and he has this violent streak surface in him, he wants to hurt the people who have hurt you... So Tommy has to yank him to one side, him and Arthur trying to calm him.

🌼 "Its your fuckin weddin day John boy, you can't be fuckin fightin on your fuckin weddin day... Just take your girl and dance with her eh, like a fuckin man..."

🌼 So he does. He takes his girl, straight from her grandmother's arms, picks her up and kisses her forhead, asking her if she'd like to come for a dance with her mammy. The three of you will dance together, him carrying her on his hip as he slow dances with you both. Its a really touching scene but its passive aggressive too and when he locks eyes with your father he's making a threat which is received loud and clear.

🌼 He will make a huge point of openly accepting the child. he'll roll his eyes and nod to the family all self aware and apologetic, welcome to the family I guess.

🌼 That kids going to have so many brothers and sisters to run wild with. You'll actually have a really happy family.

🌼 John won't ask about the dad because hes got plenty of kids of his own and he knows how it works, you don't always love their parents but you love the kids. You'll be worried that he isn't bothered, you'll take it as him not caring about you or the child and when you ask him why he isn't bothered, why he isn't angry? he'll just shrug and say that he does care, you can tell him whatever you want whenever you like...

🌼 "Just don't see the point in dredge up the past when we're happy now," he'll say kissing your cheek, "got a good little family haven't we flower, we're happy ain't we? Why bother about anythin else eh?"

Bonnie

🍀 Bonnie is definitely the most heartbroken of the Peaky boys to find he's being married off to a stranger. He's sad to be being forced into an arranged marriage because he's always harboured dreams of meeting the love of his life, his soulmate and now he knows he'll never get the chance.

🍀 And he feels bad for you too because the chances are you're being robbed of the same thing. He's a romantic soul and it feels bleak and grey to be being robbed of love, the chance to fall in love.

🍀 He also knows that the nature of his life means you'll have to leave everything behind, travel with him and the family and that you'll really be alone in it all. He'll have his family still, not a lot will change for him, but you're being forced to leave everything behind, forced to go it alone and Bonnie is empathetic enough to know how much that will hurt you, how scared you will be...

🍀So he feels guilty too, guilty to be putting you through his own idea of hell.

🍀He is however determined to make the best of it, to be a friend to you if nothing else... He's such a sweet boy and he can't stand the thought of you being uncomfortable... He can't stand the thought that he might be ruining your life or breaking your heart. He's scared that you're going to be scared of him. From the moment he finds out he's to be married to you, to the day you finally meet Bonnie is preocupied worrying about the mystery girl he's to wed. Worrying you will hate him, worrying he won't be good enough, worrying you'll be scared... He's really scared that you'll be one of these girls who cries at the altar or tries to run away... Not that he could blame you for either, he just hates the thought that he could be playing a part in some innocent lassies misery.

🍀 He's a bit cyncial too, about where youre coming from... You can't have a particularly good family if they're giving you up to their enemies to "make peace" he thinks thats all wrong, he thinks they can't possibly love you or care about you very much if they're willing to hand you over to the people they hate most... People they call savages. He knows that if he had a daughter this would be the last thing he'd do to her. That if he had a daughter this was the sort of situation he'd want to protect her from...

🍀So before he's even met you he has all these complicated thoughts and feelings about you. He's been wondering about you for days on end.

🍀 On the day of your wedding hes taken back by how beautiful you look, so pretty all in white...He's genuinely stunned and when you remove your veil from your face with your delicate fingers Bonnie is held hypnotised by your grace. You're fae like, something ethereal about you in the misty morning light. He can't take his eyes off you and when your palms are cut and its time for Bonnie to take your hand in his he is too distracted gazing at your eyes that he misses his cue. Johnny Dogs has to press your hands together himself clipping him round the back of the ear for being daft.

🍀You're very shy, when Bonnie forgets to take your hand you bite down hard on your lip to hide your smile. You can barely look at him and struggle to hold his gaze. Bonnie thinks its because you're scared of him, or dissapointed by him but its not, its the opposite... You think he's lovely actually.

🍀 Sure you've heard about the Peaky Blinders fighter but the stories you've heard about a savage assassin just don't match up to this sweet brown eyed boy kneeling beside you, holding your hand clasped tightly in his.

🍀 Bonnie isn't sure how to act around you, he feels awkward, he feels shy too because actually you're the most beautiful girl he's ever seen and he's sure that the only way he was ever going to end up with a lass as lovely as you was if someone fuckin forced it.

🍀 When Johnny tells him to kiss his bride Bonnie hesitates, his hand hovers by your cheek, his thumb brushing your blushy skin as he freezes, shy but also worried... You have hardly even looked at him this whole time, maybe you don't like him, maybe you're wishing you could runaway afterall.

🍀"C... Can I kiss ye?" he asks, his lips barely an inch from yours, you can feel his breath on your cheek. You want nothing more than for him to close the gap between you. When your lips meet you feel that nervous but sweet flip in your stomach.

🍀Its this one moment of calm, this first telltsle sign of happiness and therefore its over too soon. Because when your eyes closed and his lips met yours your mind settled down, most of your anxieties hushed to a whisper. You would have enjoyed it had it not been for the secret you were keeping, the devestating truth you were being forced to keep hidden.

🍀 All throughout the wedding day Bonnie notices how you seem sad, more than that, you have this whistful, doomed look about you. He puts it down to you being sad about the arranged marriage and keeps telling you he's sorry you've had to do this...

🍀 "I know this ain't what you want y/n and it don't have to be like that between us you know, don't have to be like husband and wife between us if you don't want it... Won't be angry with you for that so don't worry, just let me be your friend eh, don't be lonely y/n, I'm your friend I promise..."

🍀 Throught the day he keeps trying to cheer you up, he's so sweet to you and dotes on you completely, in fact he hardly leaves you alone not wanting for you to be overwhelmed by his family and the peaky boys who are here... Still, his acts of kindness though they touch you, though they make you smile and blush, though you even giggle once at one of his daft jokes, don't really work cheering you up and Bonnie feels terrible because he can't help you. You still seem devestated.

🍀 It gets worse when you ask how long they'll be staying near Birmingham and he has to tell you that they're not. They stayed a day later just for the wedding, the vardos are moving on first thing in the morning and when he tells you you get choked up, your eyes are wide and white... You look terrified.

🍀 Again naive, bonnie puts that down to your fear of him and his family. Your fear of being alone with him, he tries to reassure you, tries to let you know he's there for you, that he'll be your friend, but before he can say much at all you've fled.

🍀 The parties in full swing now and other people are drunk enough not to notice you slip leave, only Bonnie watches you go, standing there helpless and a little heartbroken to watch you running away from him.

🍀You're not running away however, you're running to...

🍀You have to try to find your wee girl, shes with the church in small heath where your parents forced you to leave her that morning.

🍀You're demanding her back but they wont give her up, telling you that you made your decision, shaming you for being a whore... For giving up your child, for having her in the first place... You're desperate, on your knees in tears on the church steps, sobbing your heart out but the priests no sympathy for a wayward girl like you...

🍀When bonnie watches you go at first he doesnt know what to do, hes so scared, he wants to find you, to make sure youre safe... He knows there'll be trouble if your family realise what youve done.

🍀 So he corners your brother and forces him to tell him whats going on. He's clever about it, lies to find out the truth, makes a couple of wild guesses which pay off... Tommy Shelby would be impressed.

🍀 "Listen to me alright mate, that girls been heartbroken about somethin all day..." he hisses, his eyes burning with a fury he doesn't quite understand, "she just told me everything so don't even bother trying to lie about it eh, think your family's done enough lying for one day..." "Whats she told you?" the brother looks pissed off and when he sighs he's fed up, glancing nervously over his shoulder like he doesn't want to get caught. "Theres someone else..." says Bonnie, his voice shaking a little, he doesnt want it to be true, he doesnt want you to be in love with someone else because if you are you'll resent him. The chance of even a friendship for you both dashed on the rocks.

🍀But the brother just sighs and shakes his head, tells him not to cause a scene, "you're gonna be pissed but let's not fight about it here eh, for me sister, your brides sake eh..."

🍀 The brother tells him about the church and the baby and before he can tell you anything else, about the father or the circumstances that have brought you here, bonnie is running off to find you.

🍀He takes Isaiah and Finn with him to the church because for as much as he too is a catholic, a good one at that, he doesn't trust those churches and priests who he thinks have warped the religion for their own gains.

🍀And thats where he finds you, in a heap on the church steps still hammering on the door trying to get in.

🍀When he sees the mess youre in, when he finds out what they've done all his suspicions are confirmed and he's livid. Not just angry however but heartbroken for you because he knows you're younger than him and he can't believe the suffering you've been put through at the hands of the church and your family.

🍀 "And we're the savages?" he smirks to Finn when they pass you and enter the church by "order of the peaky blinders."

🍀 He gets your wee girl back, goes straight in, threating them. "Wheres my fuckin daughter?" "You had no right to take my fuckin daughter away! No fuckin right..."

🍀 And the church know a peaky blinder when they see one so they hand her over to him immediately. The moment he lays eyes upon her he knows he's going to be her father, knows he's going to raise her as if she were one of his very own. He feels an overwhelming sense of duty to protect her and it brings a tear to his eyes.

🍀 Always wanted a little girl and hes already decided to devote himself to her and to you. He can see that you need someone to be good to you and he's made that vow now, your bloods have been mixed, so he has a duty to you. Maybe he won't have that romantic falling in love he'd always secretly hoped for but that doesn't mean he can't try to love you and your little girl as best as he can.

🍀He gives her to you and when you burst into further tears he doesn't know what to do. He's not used to seeing girls so unhappy xnot like this anyway. He's seen his sisters cry over boys and arguments before but he's never seen a lass so distressed.

🍀 "Oh mary thank you thank you," you're sobbing, your body shaking with relieved sobs. Bonnie sitting down beside you trying to hush you and calm you. Making you all these promises to look after you both. "Shh sweetheart, its alright now dove, you're both safe now, I'm gonna take care of you you both from now on dove, I swear it on my life," he says taking your palm in his, kissing the cut which is healing from earlier that day.

🍀Takes you both home, promises you he's going to look after you both. "We're family now love, one that looks after one another, you're never gonna be sad or scared again I promise..." of course being a peaky blinder thats a promise he can't keep, but he'll say anything to reassure you in that moment.

🍀 You're going to be so won over by how loving and caring hes been, you went through something intense that night and got through it together. He saved your life and your wee girls life, you're so certain of that and as a result you feel so close to him. You really trust him, which is something you haven't been able to say about anyone for a long time.

🍀 You will probably talk about that day many times over the years, Bonnie will confess all of his naive hopes that he thought had been stolen from him that day, you'll both share how sad you were, how scared you were that you wouldn't ever know love. And then you'll smile and hold eachother, happy with the knowledge that even if you weren't destined for one another you've still found love.

🍀Your wee girl is going to have like 10 siblings sorry.

Isaiah

🐀You're more pissed off than him, you're so angry and you fight with your parents, you fight with his family, youre cold and so fucking bitter to him.

🐀The morning they tell you you do nothing but scream, you hit your father, beating at him furiously, you feel betrayed by him, by your mother who does nothing but stand sobbing weakly.

🐀And the person you hate the most is Isaiah... When he tries to talk to you, when he tries to tell you "I didn't fuckin ask for this either did I y/n!" you just get angrier, you shove him away, you try to run away.

🐀"What the fuck would you agree to something like this for? Who the fuck do u think you are... You think you should get to own me... I don't even fuckin know you and you're calling me your fuckin wife!"

🐀And Isaiah does feel a little guilty, this isn't exactly what he wanted either... But your temper is foul and you're doing nothing to contradict what he was told about you. That you'd grown wild, that you'd the devil in you, that you needed taming. He gets frustrated with you, annoyed that you can't see that this is bad for both of yous, not just you. Sometimes he wants to shake you and yell in your face, "You think this is what I wanted do you love? You ever stop to think I might have had a sweetheart of my own eh? You think I wanted to be stuck with a sour bitch like you for the rest of me life?"

🐀Sometimes when you are screaming at him he almost does say those things. But he's under orders from his father and Tommy Shelby to treat you right, theres an important alliance in the balance and if he loses his temper with you he could ruin everything. But you don't make it easy, you're angry at your situation and you're taking all that hurt and anguish out on him...

🐀When he finds out about the baby things get worse... All this time you had a way out, a way to annul the marriage and kept it from him. He's so angry with you but he feels like now you're even. You've been hating him this whole time, being truly evil to him, and now its his turn to be mad. He has a right to lose his temper now. He has a right to say all the horrid things he's been thinking about you all this time, your resentment for one another building.

🐀When he confronts you about it you have a huge, messy fight in which your whole backstory is carelessly hung out for all to see. You're screaming at him, hysterical, how dare he lose his temper with you for this...

🐀"This is your fuckin fault so don't blame me for keepin it secret, I had to keep it secret!! What would you have done eh, you and your Peaky fuckin Blinders! Don't blame me!" Don't blame me? You're the one who couldn't keep her fuckin legs closed love! "" Fuck you! Don't you dare talk about me like that, don't you fuckin dare speak about me like that! I'm your fuckin wife!"

🐀And when you say that he snatches your wrist in his, you'd raised your hand to slap him but now he's squeezing your wrist so tight it hurts, he's forcing your hand down onto the kitchen table, backing you up against it until you can feel the edge of the table digging into your back...

🐀"Aye," he says, his voice low and spitting, his eyes so unforgiving, "some fuckin wife you are eh sweetheart..." everything he says comes out a threat and suddenly you feel so small, so vulnerable. He's right up in your face, his hand still squeezing your wrist tight.

🐀"Some fuckin wife sleepin around and lying to me, you let me marry you! I didn't fuckin want you... You could have fuckin stopped it... I didn't want you..."

🐀And that cuts you so deep. You didnt want him either but having him stare you down oike that, each word slashing at you, full of vitriol... It hurts, brings tears to your eyes because you both know you're stuck together, he's saying these things to you now so plainly, so spitefully, knowing he can't take them back, knowing you'll have to face them for the rest of your life...

🐀"What're you crying for now eh, fuckin stop crying girl, don't start cryin now like I'm breakin your heart! You're the one whose breakin mine for fuck sake... A fuckin baby y/n, why the fuck would you keep that secret eh?" "I mean it love stop fuckin cryin, you made this fuckin bed you're gonna fuckin lie in it..."

🐀When you snatch your wrist free and flee from him, you run away without even taking a jacket. You're half blind from your crying, not paying any attention to where you're going as you tear through the Birmingham streets desperate to get away from him. Away from all the Peaky Blinders and the fucking nightmare world they live in.

🐀Isaiah shouts after you, he's angry but not just with you anymore. Angry with himself for letting you go, for letting you run away into the dangerous night without so much as a coat to shield you from the rain. He runs his hands over his cheeks and curses himself, curses you too for being so wild. Now he knows you've the devil in you. You're nothing but a terror head to toe.

🐀But he has to go after you, god knows what could happen to you out there on your own. If he doesn't find you someone else might and though you may think he's cruel, theres plenty more cruel out there and he knows it.

🐀So he searches for you all night on his own, too ashamed if having scared you away to ask his friends for help. He feels almost imasculated by the whole situation, what kind of man lets his wife run away from him like that...

🐀When he finds you you're drunk in some shithole pub half way across the city, its taken him hours and hes soaked through from being out in the rain all night. It's kicking out time and you're the last person in there. Women aren't meant to drink alone but you know the lad behind the bar from your wilder days and he's been letting you stay...

🐀"Alright love, you've had your fun eh, time to come home yeah..." says Isaiah, approaching you. You flinch away from his touch and it hurts him the way you look at him with such fear. "No," you whimper, you look so scared of him and yet so determined to disobey, to remain your own woman. "Come on lass I mean it yeah, we had an argument yeah, you ran away, you got blind drunk and now its time to come home... We'll sort everything out at home, promise..." and he does mean it. He's no intention of screaming with you until the sun comes up.

🐀Whilst he was out looking for you he had a lot of time to reflect on everything thats come to pass between you. The way he sees things now this has been painful for both of you. Both of you have been forced to give up the futures you wanted, both of you are stuck together now... And you made those vows before god, you can't ever undo them, you can't break that oath because you made it to eachother and also to god. And if you've a baby then you have to raise it together. You have to try and get along otherwise you'll be miserable for the rest of your lives, thats no way to be together, no way to raise a child.

🐀He feels guilty for losing his temper, he should have been man enough to understand you, he should have been what you needed... Now he's found you thats what he wants to tell you. That things are going to change between you.

🐀But you haven't given up your fight and you start crying again the minute he puts his arm around you to help you up and walk you home. You're really sobbing, its almost theatrical and it imediately begins to wind him up again... Why can't you see he's really trying for you here?

🐀You're too drunk to walk and in the end he has to pick you up and carry you all the way home where he sits you down at the kitchen table, your head slumping onto your arm. You're a mess and he can't help but chuckle despairingly. How the fuck did he get here?

🐀Still, amid the bitterness and the resentment theres a tiny glimmer of affection, you're just a lass at the end of the day, a lass who's had too much to drink and upset herself. And he does think you're pretty, even when your eyes are all red from crying.

🐀He sighs, pulls the chair up beside you and takes your hand. You don't look up at him at first, your eyes pressed to your arm on the table, refusing to turn your head until he tells you again.

🐀"Fuck sake y/n look at me now eh, I'm tryna talk to you... We're grown ups ain't we... Look at me..." he sounds exhausted and you're exhausted too so you turn your head and he can't help but think you look quite cute in your sulk. Your cheek squished against your elbow, your big eyes watery and sullen looking up at him from where your heads resting on the table.

🐀"I'm your fuckin husband love whether you like it or i like it," he says with a sigh, he wants nothing more than to go to bed but he knows this is a fight which can't be slept on, "so you fuckin listen to me yeah, all this screamin and cryins gotta fuckin stop cause were stuck with eachother and it aint gonna be much of a life if we ain't at least civil eh..." "Uhuh..." suddenly you're a lass of few words, just glowering up at him, hearing him out though he's not sure you're really listening to him.

🐀"You ain't really been behaving like much of a wife girl, and I know I ain't a saint, haven't been much of a husband to you either have I... But thats gonna change now yeah, it fuckin has to change now cause we can't live like this forever... Can't raise a child if we're at each others throats all the time eh?"

🐀You sit up then, your eyes wide but hopeful, you clasp at his hand suddenly alert, really listening to him...

🐀Isaiah smiles when he sees the light return to your eyes. Its the first time he's seen you looking like that... Hopeful.

🐀He's terrified of having a child, so scared that the child will reject him, that they'll hate him for not being their real father... He's scared he'll do everything wrong, scared he'll be a bad example... But he knows that he can't refuse to raise a child because he's scared the kid won't like him... He knows he has to do the best he can for you and yoir little one.

🐀 "So tonight sweetheart, am gonna get you to bed an me and you are gonna go to sleep, no more fighting yeah?" "Uhuh," "Then in the morning you're gonna stay here, I'm gonna go find your littlen and bring em back to you, and then we're gonna raise it together yeah, husband and wife, mam and dad..."

🐀He puts you to bed and for once you let him help you get changed, you let him look after you and help you into your bed and when he's made sure youre settled he tries to get some sleep himself. He's anxious however and his heads so busy with all these worries about the baby, about whether he's cut out to be a dad, that he barely gets any sleep at all.

🐀However the next day when he fibds the child, a little boy, something in him changes. He doesn't take to fatherhood perfectly, he's awkward and he's still very anxious on the indside. But he sees this little boy who needs a father, who needs someone to step up for him, someone who's isn't afraid of anything, who can be confident and in control. He knows that that has to be him and so he does, he steps up because he doesn't have a choice, theres a little boy depending on him.

🐀And your little boy takes to him straight away, he looks up to Isaiah and its clear he thinks the sun shines out of him. Isaiah is kind of proud of that.

🐀And its through seeing how him and the son grow close that you begin to trust him and your anger and resentment mellows, replaced over time by a kind of respect. You admire him, you have to admit that its impressive the way he stepped up to your son when he could have just kicked you both out on the street.

🐀It isnt just the baby he's been trying hard for either, it's you too. He's been doing everything he can to be a caring husband to you and you feel yourself softening up to him over time.

🐀Your respect develops into a friendship, you both know you can rely on one another, that its the three of you now who are a family. It might not be a romantic love which blossoms between you but theres certainly a mutual trust and admiration, a platonic love.

🐀And that friendship twinned with the fact that hes undeniably attractive, makes you wonder what it would be like to have children with him... Whether your little family of three could grow...

🐀You sleep together every night, you act just as a husband and wife should but theres always a distance, Isaiah has been waiting for you to close it for a long time, and one night when he climbs into bed beside you in the early hours, he's been away all night on peaky business and you've been worrying about him all night... He thinks you're asleep when he rests his head on the pillow and you roll over, draping an arm around him, nuzzling into his neck. He only realises youre awake when you leave a kiss at the top of his spine.

Michael

☘️Words cannot truly describe the rage which floods Michaels body when Tommy informs him he's to be married. Not only dies he think it's completely fucking embarassing in this day and age, "the modern world ain't for things like this Tom!" he also believes Tommy is only doing it to sideline him, to punish him and put him in his "place" a place he knows in his heart he does not belong.

☘️ He fights Tommy over it, not as physically volatile as John but certainly still puts up a fight. He tries to spite him through business. He fucks up a couple of deals Tommy wanted him to make just to spite him... Naturally this only makes things worse.

☘️ "Fuckin meet her first at least Michael, who knows maybe it'll be love at first sight..." Tommy is taking the piss, rubbing salt in the wound because knows Michael knows theres nothing he can do. That in the end he has no choice but to do Tommys bidding.

☘️ "Knowing you you'll have picked some fuckin pig for me..." he grumbles, not realising how far from the truth that could be.

☘️ A meeting between you is organised, with Polly and your mother chaperoning. It's the only time you'll meet before the wedding day and you're so nervous. You're terrified that Michael will see you and change his mind, that he'll break off the engagement because you're not good enough. That you'll let your family down.

☘️ You're also scared because you know that Polly Gray has the sight, you know that if you meet her gaze even for a second she will see into your soul and discover all the secrets you're trying to hide. The dark past you're desperate to forget. Because you've already had your heart broken beyond repair.

☘️When Michael sees you he falters, his lips parting, stunned. You're nothing like the girl he'd imagined you would be. You're not deformed or ugly, not some old spinster or s fucking 12 year old being married off early for status. You're simply beautiful, just a girl who looks something close to his dream girl. You're pretty, a little shy, but your smile is sweet and your voice is soft when you say hello. And your eyes are deep and full of heart. Soulful eyes, the kind you don't see much of in Small Heath.

☘️Polly does your readings, this is a condition of your engagement and one you're very nervous about. If it was just any old gypsy crone pretending to read your cards and your palms then you wouldn't be worried. Anyone else would be easy to fool. Polly Gray however isn't a con woman, she really can see secrets. Your hands shaking when she turns it over in hers and traces her fingertip slow and delicate down your love line.

☘️ "Well Michael, I don't think you'll have any complaints with this one..." she says offering her son a knowing smirk, she didn't need to read palms to know that. One look at you and the way Michael was starring at you, was enough to tell her that Michael at least would be happy.

☘️ Polly tells you both then, holding your hand and Michaels in each of hers, acting as a link between you, "you must both try to forgive one another, you must forgive your families too, for what they're asking of you... If you can do this you will be happy together, theres much potential for love here..."

☘️Polly saw the child in those readings she did, but she doesn't say a word, not to you, not to Michael. Not even to Tommy who she knows will be furious. Because she didn't just see the child, she saw everything. She saw how you were knocked up by a man you believed really loved you, how he ran away and abandoned you. How you tried to keeo the baby secret but couldn't when you began to show... How it was your own parents who reported you to the social and accused you of being an unsuitable mother... Your baby was taken from you just as Pollys were and she can see that desperate heartbreak in your eyes. She doesn't need to read your cards to feel the grief which radiates from you.

☘️ So she keeps your secret, and you don't see Michael nor his mother until the day of your wedding. When you walk down the aisle towards Michael you're shaking, you're nervous, self concious of everyones eyes on you. You never imagined your wedding day to be like this, a church packed out with gypsies and criminals, ruthless gangsters watching your hips sway in your white dress.

☘️Michael is still angry with Tommy, he knows what his mother has said to him about forgiveness but he will never forgive his cousin for treating him like a child, for humiliating him by forcing him to do his bidding in such a public and old fashioned way.

☘️ So he hides his attraction to you, he acts sullen and takes his hatred for Tommy out on you. He's treats you so coldly, glaring at you as he makes his vows. You can feel the hatred radiating from him and your voice is shaking as you say your own vows. You want to cry, you're actually scared of him.

☘️ He does everything he's supposed as he is supposed to, kisses you, dances with you, but he's so removed and aloof, so quietly cruel, something about him makes you feel like ice. You feel so lonely as he dances with you, you want to cry.

☘️ Later you're drunk, drinking to try and nurse your fear and sorrow away. You'd hoped when Polly had taken both your hands in hers and told you that you were well matched, that potential for love might blossom in time... But now it seems you're doomed to live the rest of your life loathed by the man youve just married.

☘️ Polly joins you at the bar, slips her hand into yours and leads you away from the party outside. You sit side by side in the steps and she offers you a cigarette. When at first you shake your head, a little wary of the older woman she says, "Don't be silly girl, have a cigarette, look at you for gods sake, its clear you need one..."

☘️ So you let her light your cigarette for you and you do as she says taking a drag and enjoying the comfort of that first inhale. Pol was right, you needed that. "Thank you..." you say quietly but Polly has already moved on. "I know about your son," she says her voice low, at first she sounds perfectly calm, matter of fact, and your heart fills with fear, but when she carries on you hear her change, her voice thick with emotion.

☘️ "My god girl the things you've been through, the things those fucks put us through..." she's clasping your hand in hers, holding it tightly. When you look up at her in confusion her eyes are tearful and suddenly you understand.

☘️ "I'm so sorry love," she says holding your cheeks in her palms, her cigarette smouldering by your eyes. "Those bastards never fuckin tire... If I ever saw the man who stole my babies from me I'd kill him," she tells you and suddenly you're stuttering...

☘️ "But... But michael?" you ask and she nods, she smiles and dabs at her tears and suddenly she's that stoney fearsome woman once again. Wise beyond her years. She clasps your hands in hers and looks you dead in the eyes. "Yes love... I got my son back, but it wasn't god who gave him back to me, we took him back, we took him... Don't lose heart love, you'll see your little boy again..."

☘️ You're scared then, convinced that even if you do get your son back Michael will never take him in. You beg Polly not to tell anyone, you ask her to keep the baby a secret and she understands why you're asking, because she understands she shakes her head.

☘️ "My sons stubborn y/n, but he ain't stupid... He'll take that little boy in, he fuckin will..." theres a threat in her voice then, a grit that chills you. You wonder if she intends to use that tone on Michael.

☘️ Its several days later when Polly tells Michael that you have something to tell him, something important. He's barely spoken two words to you since the wedding, avoiding you at all costs because he feels awkward. Because every time he looks at you his attraction threatens to break his resolve. He can't stand the thought that Tommy might have been right to pair you up.

☘️ "Me mum says you've got somet to tell me love?" he says entering the room, looking down at you where you sit on the sofa. "Says its somet important. Says I'm not to lose my temper, says I'm to be forgiving..."

☘️ You're so scared to tell him, you're shaking but you try to remember what Polly told you. You try to be brave, try to trust that her son is the gentlemen she claims he is and not the cold bastard he has shown himself to be since you were wed.

☘️ When you do tell him he purses his lips, swallows a lump in his throat and then says "did mum tell you about me?" he asks, his own eyes stewed with emotion as he walks to the window and gazes out at the street. The living room is dark and with his back to you you feel cold. He's only turned away so that you can't see the upset in his eyes.

☘️ "She did yeah..." "Fuckin horrid you know... They lie to you, feed you all this shit to make you hate your own family... Tell you you weren't wanted, tell you that your own mum hurt you... Then one day someone else comes along tells you all that was the lie... Wouldn't wish it on anyone."

☘️You're quiet, listening to him talk. You only realise you're crying when a tear trickles quickly over your lips and you taste the salt on them. When Michael turns round he looks you up and down. He feels a kind of guilt when he sees you so forlorn and heartbroken. He knows he's been unkind to you.

☘️ "Been pretty evil to you haven't I love... I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that, isn't you I hate..." he sits beside you and takes your hand in his, "I'll get your son back love, promise, call it a wedding gift."

☘️He lays out one simple condition for you, he'll take the baby and raise it as his own, as long as you promise to keep that secret too. The baby is Michaels, no one can know you weren't a virgin when he married you. It would be humiliating, imasculating. He can't have people thinking he married a "whore."

☘️It hurts hear him say that and he sees the wounded look in your eyes and apologises. "Love I don't think you're a whore..." does that really make it better?

☘️ It takes time but with the Shelby/Gray formidabke reputation Michael is able to bring your little boy back to you.

☘️You're not sad living with Michael, he really is a gentleman when he isn't acting up for Tommy. He takes good care of you and the boy and you live happily together. And you can't deny your attraction to one another. The cards and your palms didn't lie, you really were well matched and you do find love, far easily than most.

[h0ck3yl0v3r]

sparks fly

╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╯

lh43 x childhood!bestfriend

warnings: none?!?!

she missed him, and he missed her. with hockey season starting he was a mess. they had gotten paired together for a project in their english class. it was awkward, none of them knowing what to say.

The way you move is like a full-on rainstorm

And I'm a house of cards

they sat in class trying to figure out the topic they should research about. still no words spoken, luke couldn’t help but admire her as she worked. the way her hair kept falling in front of her face, and how she bit the top of her pen from nerves, and the way her eyes were so beautiful.

And you stood there in front of me

Just close enough to touch

Close enough to hope you couldn't see

What I was thinking of

after an hour right before class ended, the two finally found a topic to research on. they settled on how miscommunication can affect ones life. ironic isnt it he thought.

“hey y/n” luke said trying to catch up the girl in a hurry to get back to her dorm.

“what do you want luke.” she said turning to look at the youngest hughes.

“i was wondering if maybe you’d wanna meet after my game, you don’t have to go to it but i figured itd be best if we talk and clear the air since we got paired together.” he said in one breath looking down at her looking for a response.

“okay.” thats all she said. “okay, ill text you after the game, bye y/n.” he said softly, “bye luke” she whispered softly watching him leave.

Drop everything now

Meet me in the pouring rain

Kiss me on the sidewalk

Take away the pain

tonight was a big game, the game against msu. yost was packed, luke was in the locker rooms trying to prepare himself for the game but all he could think about was the one girl who truly made him happy that he hurt. as for her, she was finding her way through yost being dragged out of her dorm by her roommate who was dating one of the players.

as the team skated out for warm ups all the girl could think about was when she’d always attend lukes games, how cute he was in his element, how passionate and focused he is once he hits the ice. she couldnt help but notice how the lighting brought out his green eyes, and how his small smile still has a hold on her.

'Cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile

Get me with those green eyes, baby, as the lights go down

Give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around

the game ended well, umich winning and luke scoring a hat trick, during his third goal in the third period he finally saw you, pointing at you during his celly. your heart melted at that, almost forgetting entirely about why you were mad at him.

My mind forgets to remind me

You're a bad idea

luke quickly finished changing back into his normal attire as you waited for him outside the locker rooms.

once he came out he gave you a small smile which you did the same back.

“care to go for a little walk m’lady?” he said and you couldn’t help but laugh and nod.

you guys walked in a comfortable silence before taking a break on a bench near his dorm.

“congrats by the way, you did amazing tonight.” you said looking up at him a d he smiled whispering a soft thank you.

“i know i said i wanted to talk to clear the air because of the project but it’s more than that.” he said and you nodded for him to continue “im sorry for everything, truly. i miss you so much it physically hurts and i know its not fair the way i treated you, i don’t expect you to forgive me but i just want you to hear my side of the story. i pushed you away because i thought you deserved someone better, someone who could be there all the time, and to have someone you wont have to worry about having to leave one day and do long distance. but in reality i did it to protect myself, because im in love with you, and i didnt want to have to face losing my best friend, or the heartbreak of when i have to leave for the pro’s but i realize now all i want is you, my whole life, its been you.” his voice cracking and leg bouncing from anxiety. you placed your hand on his knee softly rubbing it to comfort him. “lu, i thought you didn’t like me because you became so distant and went after so many other girls, so i never said anything to protect myself, i was so in love with you, the night i left i had cried to quinny, i thought i never had a chance so i pushed myself away too. but im still so in love with you, no matter how much i try to push it away” you said softly as he cupped your face caressing it softly, “i thought you knew, i gave so many hints” and you looked at him confused, “remember all times in high school when guys tried to hit on you and i immediately scared him away, or whenever id call you after a bad game, or when all i ever wanted was to be with you so i came over for like three days, holding your hand or cuddling watching movies that it came to a point my mom had to drag me back home. i thought you knew.” he said tears now falling softly down both of your faces. “im so sorry lu, i never picked up on any of that, i thought it was just because we were best friends.” he wiped your tears away “we were always more than best friends, so much for miscommunication huh? we better get an A on that project” he joked and you couldn’t help but crack a smile and laugh. and as the clouds began crying too, for the first time luke hughes kissed you. the most soft passionate kiss ever. “i love you.” he said pulling away resting his forehead on yours “i love you luke hughes.”

And the sparks fly

-

taglist: @drysdalesv @shy4turcs @ghostfacd @jackquinnswife

[delacoursshp]

Hii I came across your fred fic and i have to say that it was really amazing ! I saw that you were taking requests and i was wondering if you were down to write either a victor krum smut where the reader is close to the golden trio and a bit jealous of the relationship him and Hermione have, but ends up being invited to the Yule Ball by Viktor, or a brother's best friend smut fic with Fred where the reader is Ron's best friend and stays a lot at the Burrow and secretely becomes Fred's gf but get caught by Ron and are forced to reveal their relationship.

Have a nice day, sorry if there's any mistakes, english isnt my first language !

oh myy dayss. i love both ideas! i chose the viktor krum smut bc my boy needs more attention. i think this is longer then i wanted it to be, i got carried away😭 but here you go love!

viktor krum x fem reader

"my jealous girl."

- use of y/n, jealous reader, reader is friends with the golden trio, both are of age, yule balllll😍😍

warnings: smut, 18+, doggy, oral (f receiving), rough but loving viktor, love-making, dirty-talk bc we need to hear our mans sexy accent.

-

you were sat with your friends, neville, seamus, harry, ron and hemione; the 4 boys were gawping at the triwizard cup. you rolled your eyes at them, and you started a rather hateful conversation about mrs trelawney with hermione.

you never really found the triwizard cup that interesting; yeah, it was cool and yeah, anyone who won the cup would be one of the bravest people alive, but whatever.

a lot of people entered the entrance hall, admiring the blue object. one particular figure caught your eye. the buff, burly yet skinny visitor; viktor krum. your eyes stayed glued on him. yesterday, when he first made his appearance at hogwarts, before you even knew he was an amazing quidditch player, you already had a big crush on him. he was exactly your type. for a split second, his deadly eyes caught yours too. he savagely strutted towards the cup, stepping inside of the age circle.

he dropped what looked like a small piece of paper into the cup, and an enormous flame flew upwards, calmed down and his mates were cheering.

viktor smirked proudly; it looked like his eyes were fixated on you again. you almost blushed, and glanced at hermione, who was smiling at someone opposite of her. following her eyes, you saw viktor again, who was now smiling a lot brighter, and winked at.. hermione? the two didn't break eyecontact, until fred and george caught everyones attention.

you felt a sort of unease rise up within you. it felt like an itch, that you were unable to scratch, or a knot in the stomach that wouldn't let go. the feeling wouldn't go away, and you started to feel like it was becoming visible on your face.

you stood up, muttering a 'see you later' to your friends and hurrying off to the gryffindor dormitory.

you sat down on one of the scarlet red sofa's, grabbing a book and began "reading", although the book was held upside down. your face was heating up, your brows were furrowing and your nostrils stood flared. why hadn't hermione told you something was going on between her and krum? or was there even something going on? well it certainly seemed so didn't it?

tumultuous thoughts relentlessly raced through your head. your grip on the book hardened so much, the pages started ripping.

the bell rang.

you almost forgot that you still had one last lesson today. you dropped the book on the floor and rushed to your next class. everyone was already seated, and you went to sit next to hermione, who was sat behind ron and harry. she looked at you as though worried, as you were taking your books out of your bag.

"y/n, are you alright? you dissapeared just like that, earlier." she had this merciful expression glued on her face, and you smiled and muttered 'fine, i'm fine' to relieve the tension from her sad face, but you also still felt uneasy being in the presence of someone who possibly liked someone you did too.

once the lesson had finished, you stuffed your books and -about the 7th time this day- a work sheet into your bag. you immediately walked off. "hey- y/n! wait up, will you?" ron yelled. great, you thought. just perfect. hermione was the first out of three to catch up with you. "are you sure you're fine?" she asked. you sighed.

"hermione, what is between you and krum?" you spit spontaneously. she looked at you as if flabbergasted, then said, "well, me and viktor are kind of, you know, dating."

'what?' you thought.

"right." you replied blankly, nothing else could come out. they're together? this only made that irritating storm inside you worse, like you were about to puke.

you walked with the three of them to the dorms, staying quiet. on the way, you glanced at one of the yule ball posters. 'now who am i gonna ask?' you thought. of course, there were lots of other boys willing to ask you. but you didn't care. you thought you had a chance with viktor. how stupid, too. of course he'd already have someone, considering his reputation.

you realized the four of you stood before the fat lady, who was whining about something that sounded like 'that longbottom child.' hermione muttered the password and she, ron and harry stepped in, except for you.

"actually, guys, you go ahead. i'm just gonna go fetch neville, he's probably stuck again somewhere." you lied. they nodded in agreement and hermione yelled 'bye!' as the painting closed. the fat lady looked confused at your presence. "my dear, i've already let you in. i don't suppose i have to-"

"no, i'm going." you spoke quickly, not being able to bare another one of her rants.

you made your way down the frustrating stairs. instead of actually fetching a probably struggling neville somewhere, you went to the triwizard cup. you just stared at it, the blue light radiating on your skin. there were barely any people here, most of them still had lessons to attend.

you rested your head on your hand, focusing on the blue flames, waiting for anything to happen; even if it was the most impossible thing ever; viktor krum asking you to the ball.

just then, viktor entered the hall. great. he sat down next to you. you avoided his eyes, but your breathing was far from slow. it was awkward, but comforting. having him close to you. sad that nothing more than that could ever happen, as you wouldn't betray your friend.

then, viktor inhaled. a shaky, sort of inhale. "y/n" he spoke.

'y/n? as in, me?' you thought.

"what?" you said, still avoiding his gaze. it wasn't supposed to come off rude, but you just couldn't look at him. he sighed, in a nervous way, then spoke words you'd never thought would come out of those beautiful lips.

"y/n, would you like to go to the yule ball with me?"

you gasped softly, eyes widened and immediately averting your gaze from the cup, to viktor. of course you wanted to say yes, but what about hermione? you were truly confused. so he wasn't going to ask his own girlfriend?

"viktor," it felt weird to say his name infront of viktor himself. "what about hermione?"

viktor pursed his lips, "we are no longer something. i broke it off with her just now. she was pretty, yes, but i do not want her. i've always wanted you. i know you want me too, right? i see it whenever i am with hermione. your face goes murderous."

you laughed in embarrassment. "oh, please. i don't want you that bad."

"sure, y/n. but... what is it? yes or no?"

-

"it's okay, y/n. it really is. he apologized. though you should've told me earlier that you liked him!" hermione assured. you had told hermione everything about what happend. her reaction was relieving.

"i know! i still feel bad, though. who are you going with?" you asked. you truly felt bad that viktor just ended it with her like that. hermione grinned. "oh, no worries, i've got someone." she said mysteriously. you both let out loud laughter at her tone of voice.

"'mione! c'mon, tell me!" you begged. "well, he's a hufflepuff, brunette, handsome. good at quidditch." she whispered. you thought deeply. hufflepuff.. brunette.. good at qui- "DIGGORY?" you gasped. hermione shushed you while chuckling and nodding her head. "we're both some lucky girls, aren't we?"

bang! the door slammed open.

"hermione! y/n! we've already found dates!" it was ron, harry next to him. "i suppose you haven't yet. that's okay, you can take eachother!" he teased, both boys chuckling. "i think all the best guys are unavailable by now-"

"mind you, ron, we've already gotten dates. the best ones, too." you said, grinning.

hermione laughed at rons dumbfounded expression.

"what? who?" ron squeaked.

"i told you, the best ones." you repeated, giggling with hermione.

"pfft, alright then, don't tell me! like i care!" ron said angrily before storming off, a smirking harry behind him, looking back at you and hermione.

you winked at harry then playfully shoo'ed him away with your hand.

"atleast harry got it."

-

it was the day of the yule ball. everywhere you went was excited murmuring; girls talking about dresses, boys sharing which girl they were gonna take, and even staff giggling happily.

the lessons were shortened to give students more time to get ready for the ball. once all the lessons finished, you, hermione and ginny rushed to the girls dorm to get ready. hermione wore a beautiful, soft pink gown, a light tint of red lipstick, and her hair done in a glossy, tight hairstyle; your almost empty, abandoned bottle of sleekeazy's hair potion finally came in handy.

ginny was also allowed to go, since she's been asked by neville. she wore a white-beige dress with a gorgeous tiara.

then there was you, you were wearing a long, tight, glimmering dress that revealed your back, neck and shoulders. your hair sat loose, shining. you haven't ever felt prettier.

the three of you admired eachother and giggled, before making your way to the ball.

-

you were greeted by viktor, who was wearing a red suit of rough material. "you are beautiful." he said. you smiled up at him as he offered you his hand. you took it, and the both of you walked off to the ballroom with the other contestants and their dates.

after a while of dancing, viktor suddenly took your hand and walked to an empty, faraway space in the ballroom. "viktor, wh-" he shushed you with a deep kiss before you could finish your sentence. his hand crept up your waist and you leaned into his touch. the kiss ended rather difficult and sloppily, since both of you didn't want it to stop.there was a moment of just examining eachothers facial features, lust and need filling the air so quick, that your pants were being heard. your heart was beating so fast you were sure viktor could hear it.

"come on." he said, and you had no choice as he brought his arm around your waist and forced your steps to follow his.

"viktor, are you sure we can just leave the ball like that-"

"shh. in here." he said firmly. he pulled you into a barely lit, small messy room. it looked like an abandoned cupboard. your eyes wandered around the room for a second before viktor had you by the waist again, connecting his wet lips to yours once again.

it didn't take long for his rough hands to slide down to your butt. he squeezed the perfectly round cheeks, making you whimper into his mouth. he kissed you harder, deeper. you backed up on instinct. he followed, still in the what seemed like an endless make-out session. your back was now against the door, and viktor snaked his hand behind your back, easily unzipping your dress. you broke the kiss, gasping for air. viktor now had his attention on sliding your dress off, slowly. teasing.

"viktor.." you whined. it was supposed to be warning, but it came out desperate. and you were. who could blame you, when his lips felt that good.

he bent his head forwards licking a stripe up your throat and then kissing around your earlobe. he sucked on a spot by your jawline, making you let out a high-pitched gasp. "i love your little noises." he whispered into your neck. your dress finally fell off, leaving you in your bra and panties.

"ohh, fuuck." viktor mumbled, as he raised his head from your neck, eyeing your body. you automatically moved your arms to cover up yourself, but viktor grabbed both of your wrists with one hand and held them above your head.

"don't do that. you are perfect." he said, his other hand playing with the waistband of your underwear. you thrusted your hips forward, impatiently waiting for him to give you something.

he chuckled at your antics. he slid your underwear off and turned you around. your hands clawed at the door material, as krums back locked you tightly to the door. you heard the faint sound of a belt buckle unlocking, and you let out a sigh of relief. viktor smacked your butt one last time, making you squeal. you cursed your current position for not being able to see how his pants and boxers slid off. he teased your entrance with the tip of his cock, swirling it around the little hole.

"viktor, please." you softly said. viktor chuckled darkly, kissed the back of your neck and held your wrists behind your back. he entered you slowly, the both of you moaning in unison. he stopped at the hilt, pulled away fully, then pushed back inside completely, making you cry out.

"so sexy." he moaned, biting at your neck. he started a slow, passionate pace, which didn't last long. you gasped loudly as he sped up, faster and faster, until wet skin-slapping noises were to be heard.

your moans did not only increase in volume, but in amount as viktor let go of your wrists to hold your throat tightly. your head now fell completely limp onto his shoulders, eyes shut. his other hand moved to your bra, clicking it open and letting it fall off.he played with your breasts, in a way they jiggled every now and then. "fuck, viktor! don't stop.." you screamed, not caring as the music from the ball was far too loud for anyone to hear you.

"thaaat's it. cum on my cock, beautiful." his words sent shivers down your spine, one in particular that sent shockwaves to your core.

he retreated his hand from your tits, lowering it to your thigh. he squeezed the flesh before lifting it up so he was tip was probing at your cervix.

"oh god- ah!" your voice was barely working anymore, as you were close to your orgasm and mainly because of viktor grip on your throat. "i'm, i'm-"

"go on." he said, his voice sounding strained. "please, baby." this sent you over the edge. you shook and choked on your own moans. the feeling was nothing like you had ever felt before. with the little strength you had, you reached for viktors hair and held onto it, to express your gratitude. he grunted in amazement, once again placing kisses along your jawline as you came down from your high. "my jealous girl."

your legs felt like jelly, so viktor muttered a spell that shoved the junk away to a corner of the room, making space for you to lay down. he picked you up and followed you down onto the floor. he was placing kisses all over your body, making you sigh in sensitivity. then he reached your stomach, licking around your navel and kissing it. tiredly, you smiled at him. he grabbed your legs and moved them just slightly upwards, making you wince. viktor then stuck his tongue out, before letting it dissapear into your cunt. "oh, viktor." you moaned.

the new level of overstimulation made you squirm and gasp for air. it felt so good, but it was too much. he licked you clean, his tongue swirling around the bundle of nerves, and dancing along your entrance.

"hmmhh.." was all you could let out, as he finished with a kiss to the clit, and sat up on his knees.

viktor watched you intently as you got up on your elbows, too exhausted to move any other muscle in your body.

"look what you did, krum." you said playfully. he just smiled in return, looking rather proud.

"next time, you reward me for it, yes?"

.・。.・゜✭・

a/n: no bc, LOWKEY in love rn. i love love loveeee this idea, and i'm so grateful i got to write this. anywayss, hope you enjoyed! <33

.・゜゜・

- sincerely,

@delacoursshp

[dragonstailbutch]

Hey sorry i am trying to like. find examples of what you mean when you talk about mra stuff and (trans)misogyny in forcemasc content and tumblr search has betrayed me once again, can you explain?

(sorry I normally wouldn't ask but I wanna make sure I'm not perpetuating anything!! Also fucking tumblr search!!! it is ridiculous!)

so ive been sitting on this ask for months since ive got it. i want to do it justice and try to take it at face value that its being honest in asking.

The thing is, theres this trend and a weird amount of effort to be like force femme, to be forceful and like its something to fearful of and give in to. But we cant do that, cause all that does is reinforce the idea that being a man is a toxic thing. I saw this post the other day where a transman talked about like, the whole "raised as a weapon" thing, the violence and horror of being a man and raised that way versus how they felt growng into it as a transman. How they wanted to reclaim that phrase or something? i could be misremembering.

But that was never the intent of forcemasc. It wasnt actually about being a dude, literally *forcing* someone who was unwilling into masculinity, none of the posts that i made that started the community (and yes i, a transfem butch woman, started and made this community and some of yall need to get over yourselves) were ever about that, it was intended to be a soft mimic or even a call to forcefemme.

i was all about making it soft and tender for a reason, cause if i didnt i was only reinforcing the toxic masculinity narrative, "men fighting in the mud" "men are dominant and cool" " to be a man is to be forced into masculinity and to be disgusted with the feminine" or whatever. When masculinity isnt about just men, and being butch isnt just being masculine. masculinity should also be sensitivity, not domination. i wanted it to be better, show a better side of what masculinity could be, what being butch is.

Ive spoken before a bit too, about the tags people used and added to forcemasc, and really maybe i was wrong in ever naming it forcemasc. people used and still use tags like autoandrophilia, autoandrophile, androphile, autogynephilia, androphilia, and autogynephile. Ive seen so many people with urls and tags and posts calling themselves transandrobros, literally calling themselves MRAs, as if that was something to be proud of, as if they dont understand that they arent fighting for their and our rights, they're fighting for cis-mens rights by using those names and terms, not transmascs/transmens rights. I can understand ignorance, but weve talked about how the words you use have history, especially those like the tags i mentioned and androphilia and androphobia and others, all of them have roots in deeeeeeeply misogynistic and transphobic people and history.

Literally all of these are awful and are phrases that arent and wont be reclaimed because theyre history is one of pain and hurting trans people, one of coercive 'help', literal forced detransitioning and reinforcement of MRA and terf narrative that men are both good and the worst creature alive and that to be a woman is to be disgusting and the purest thing all at once. That to be a transwoman is sick and we shouldnt be trusted.

Im trying to be very kind, not scream and rage, not because i dont desperately want to, but because if i do, as a butch transwoman, ESPECIALLY cause i claim being butch, people wont listen to me no matter how much of what i say is meaningful. one of the reasons why im doing this NO, instead of in anothr day or two, is that im coming to terms with the fact that the situation will just get qorse, not better without words.

Part of why im still sane is that ive gotten a couple asks here and there about how my posts and creation of the community has helped them and its so wonderful to see that, genuinely so amazing to see people recontextualize and love themselves. its wonderful and im so fucking happy about it.

i personally made this space so i could love myself, who i am as a trans person and my body, and i knew that other people needed and wanted that for themselves too and i wanted to help, share this love with more people. That to be hairy and chubby and masculine and butch was a nice thing. But to me it feels like it was coerced into being a thing for Men. A thing no longer for me or people like me who share the butch culture and name to no longer enjoy cause people unfamiliar with kink and tran history have decided that masculinity and butchness are the exact same thing. Id say people should go be a bear, but you wont learn their culture either and thats cruel and insulting to bears.

We deserve better You deserve better. Stop falling for the lies and hate. We beg you

[ganondoodle]

I probably still wouldn’t have been a big fan of the game, but I don’t think I would have been NEARLY as upset about TotK if BotW didn’t seem like it was so obviously setting up plot points for a sequel. Like, you’re very clearly MEANT to wonder what malice is, and how Ganon became the Calamity instead of just the Demon King. Fi is awake again, where are they going either that? What’s the deal with the Triforce-shaped symbol on Zelda’s hand? There were a LOT of other things like that, and many of them had to do with overarching lore for the series.

I get it if they want to reboot the series, but “BotW 2” was the single worst game you could have done that with. It could have been an amazing conclusion to the original continuity.

EXACTLY, you, you get it

botw felt like the introduction to a vast world with secrets and hints to things that were planned to become a bigger thing- a big giant game as a big giant set up, and then ... like totk likes to do alot, it lacks a pay off, and that is something it even does within itself, cosntantly, set up and no pay off, or set up and the most boring and uninspired pay off you can really not even call that, from the bigger things like the whole dragon thing being hammered into your head as irreversible and then it IS reversible.. out of nowhere without you having to do fuck all, the whole thing with the ancient hero beign a big mystery with lots of interesting ideas attached and then its some weird ass dog creature that doesnt resemble any other race with, of course, sonau armor, bc there nothing that isnt sonau in that game, even finding the old treasure maps you can find that then lead to amiibo stuff from botw id call that

botw wasnt that great with rewards either but exploring the world and wondering about those, surely intentionally, placed mysterious and intriguing designs and places did alot for making it so interesting to think about, totk fumbles it all and even the new stuff doesnt even come close to that environmental storytelling botw was so great at, sonau ruins? ha they look entirely different than in botw actually, bc those were built by hylians you see, the actual sonau stuff is in prime condition considering the time thats passed and its all the same blank blocky blocks that serve no purpose but to be a place for you to find a thing or exchange some currency- the most you can think about it is ... that the sonau hollowed out the entire underground of hyrule, every inch of the map, ... which is WEIRD and doesnt exactly make them look that good but ... thats all there is

at least with the shiekah it made somewaht more sense and it felt much less .. invasive? and you didnt have anyone from that time to talk to, other than dead monks whos only purpose is to give you their last piece of their own spirit, but in totk ... raurus ghost and mineru too are both just there to talk to but DONT tell you shit but vague hints that were already clear, the sky islands used to be on the ground? oh you dont say, you see them there in the stupid memories! and dont get to know how they got up there and theres nothing that can clue you in to that, its just sonau magic yet again i guess

dont even get me started on the whole malice/miasma thing, it made so much SENSE that there was a source of it, someone that has keep kept in a horrible place just between life and death for thousands of years trying to break free by their hate and anger manifesting to such a degree its literally spilling out and building creppy eyeballs, mouths and ribcage like structures like they are trying to rebuild themsleves outside of their awful prison no one knows about is so damn compelling, but no, actually, the guy trapped there was the msot evilest evar, was sealed bc him evil and no other motive, and the previously mentioned stuff is pretty much utterly unceonnected, and his magic beign miasma with red instead of pink and no creepy body parts was the true version of it, that pink one was its own thing heehooo SHUT UP argh

it doesnt help that really, i dont feel like the sonau were set up either, they were a tiny part in botw, really only serving to make the world seem more ancient and more full of history, having ruins from a past civilization there you know nothing about and cant find out more is so good, its compelling and sad and makes the world feel more real, just shoving them into everything, being the center of attention all of thes udden and not even the architecure fitting feels so ... forced, i really truly believe the og sonau werent meant to be more than that, but in their fear of the game being too similarly looking like botw they took the sonau to replace the shiekah with them- imo the shiekah were the ones set up to be deeper explored in botw, with their whole misstreatment by the royal family in the past, monk miz kyoshia reacting the same way a yiga commander would was deliberate and brings up even more interesting ideas, the comments about where the mysterious energy the ancient shiekah used to power everything being concentrated in certain regions?? thats a big ass set up, the fact that the center of what is signaling everything to reactivate being below hyrule castle? the fact the whole arena thing was BUILT INTO THE CASTLE or it on top of it is so??? cool??? and sso damn intriguing, we are scratching the surface of their history- but then no, actually, the sonau are the cool new shit those other ones just uh ... disappear, also the sonau did everythign the shiekah did but even better wayy before them haha

its like they didnt want to tackle the more complicated stuff with the shiekah, their relationship to the royal family and how the yiga ... have a point and a good reason- so they replaced them with entirely new purely goodest good guys that did the same stuff before them with none of the history attached :))

this is why im so insistent on it not really being a sequel, thers no follow up on anything that was set up, NOTHING, and no, a couple having a kid now or whatever isnt a follow up on an interesting set up, how hard is it to understand that-

.... listen to me rambling, you probably know all that already nhjdfkbnkd

(i know i always bring up the shiekah but ... they were so central in botw, while also not taking up every single corner- unlike some other ones >_____>, with so much interesting stuff to connect and think about, i cared about them so much i felt kicked down the stairs by their treatment in totk)

[jaemlonfz]

MOVIE STAR

jaehyun x fem!reader

tw: english isnt my first language correct me if theres any mistakes actors!au, sex, jaehyun is kinda rude at first but gets cute at the end, creampie, sex on the couch, unprotected sex but please wrap yourself, I didn't proofread, if I have errors, help me, idk if there more.

wc: 2,9k

synopsis: you get really shy after a makeout scene with jaehyun, on your new kdrama and he makes a way of you get over it - or get even more shy.

author's note: i posted this last year and im editing it so looks better, english isnt my mother tongue so im sorry if theres any mistakes

movie star - cix

Last year was a wonderful year for your career, getting the attention you wanted and completely fair to your work, you finally started to see your career take off like a rocket. It was thanks to the second drama you did, having the role of the protagonist's best friend, the few scenes that you were the protagonist made many people appreciate your talent and started calling you for several series and films. This is one of them.

This new drama consisted of you as the lead, the famous Jeong Jaehyun as the second lead, and Hwang In-Youp as the second romance option. The script was really that common drama thing, it has a plot between two rival CEOs - you and Jaehyun - and your secretary - In-Youp. But the story at the end is about who you would end up with, and in this case it's Jaehyun.

His personality on camera is surprising, he managed to be a brat in person, even though he is the grandson of a CEO of a large company.

After several recordings, the satisfying last episodes arrived, a bit of a reward for those who were tense during the entire drama. In case you and Jaehyun finally act like a romantic couple, and that's where our problem comes in.

There was one scene in particular, after a long day of bad luck you come home and collapse in bed tired. When Jaehyun plans to make a surprise visit to your apartment and he finds you totally tense, lying face down on the bed he decides to treat you. The tiring night turned into something super fun, with movies and popcorn, something simple and pure.

Until the TV light tired their eyes, so they decided to sleep. The thing is, none of them could sleep a wink. Even though the night was fun, the concerns of your work came to the fore when you remembered that you would step in that place again, and in Jaehyun's head, there was no intense thought, but images of you rolling in slow motion, making it clear that he was extremely grateful and lucky to have you.

Moonlight illuminated the room, and two people awake while the clock read 1:27 in the morning, and you couldn't take it anymore. "Are you awake?"

"Yeah, you can't sleep either?" He asked and you soon grumbled in response. Undoing the shell, you turned it to face him.

"What's going on in your head, is it insomnia again?" Innocent words come out of your mouth

"You're on my mind, that's why I can't sleep" He smiled breathing heavily. Approaching without noticing, when he noticed he was already glued to his body. Now with both heavy breaths he decided to close the path, kissing her mouth for minutes that felt like a few more hours. Kissing down her neck and neck of her breasts. His breathing was a lot heavier now.

The scene was in the script. You had to record it, but this kiss was so sincere, Jaehyun had his hands on your precious waist, moving his thumbs in circles making you shiver just thinking about it.

Thank God that the producers shouted that the take was over, as the scene was on the brink of going off script. When you heard the warning, you got out from under the covers and ran to your dressing room. Taking a deep breath and mentally hammering that it was just a scene, and apparently there would be no need to redo it.

After a few minutes of the incident, you were already in the dressing room, with an iced americano on top of the dressing table, when someone knocked on the door. Screaming they can come in you were amazed when the director entered with Jaehyun in your small room.

'Thanks to your coworker here we are going to make some changes to the script, putting in more mature scenes. After everything the characters have been through they deserve a little bit." He finished the sentence and left the room leaving you and Jaehyun alone.

Your cheeks and ears were the deepest shade of red and you were blinking hard trying to believe this was just a dream.

When Jaehyun really stopped imagining what the additions to the script would be, he looked at you, and saw your face as red as a strawberry.

"It's just a scene." He said laughing. "You think you can't do it? The most pleasurable scene of all and you'll have to call your stunt double?"

He moved closer and closer, never giving your cheeks a chance to return to their normal tone.

"Are you going to have to call a stunt double just because you're too embarrassed to give yourself up to me?" He laughed, releasing the cold air on your neck. "Where's your professionalism?"

Now Jaehyun looked exactly like the character. Arrogant with a sky-high ego, but a hottie. And you were like your character too, always with red ears and extremely hurt by your teasing, but you changed the script - at least you tried - took your still arms out of place and grabbed Jaehyun's chest trying to throw him away, but failing miserably, as he had now taken ypur hands and bent down to kiss the palms of both.

"I'll see you soon." He whispered in her ear and gave a peck seconds before walking out the door.

Your heart was racing, and after that damned conversation you had to play the part without calling in any backup, just to prove something to that damn brat.

In the new scene, you were lying on the sofa while Jaehyun's hands explored your neck, slowly sliding down, his lips were sealed to yours and your hair was completely messed up, but in such a sexy way that you wanted to die.

Seconds later his hands descended to her waist and his lips slipped in the lap of your breasts, his face was bright and his eyes completely dark. When the director shouted "Cut!" you practically jumped off the couch like crazy and ran without even hearing feedback on your acting.

Since then the scenes have become much more difficult to record, your heart has been racing more and more and the amount of times you stutter seems abnormal. A few weeks ago you and Jaehyun were practically best friends, at the end of every recording you would go out drinking and having fun, but now you leave him as soon as the take is over and he definitely noticed.

-

"How can my lead actress run away from me like that" - Jaehyun said entering your dressing room and locking the door. From the look on his face he had plotted something and was close to executing his new plan.

Your face has already turned red remembering those lips wandering over your neck, stuttering uncontrollably you started to walk backwards until you hit the wall.

I know what happened to you, and that's pretty sweet to be honest - He followed you like a magnet follows metal, soon joining you by the wall.

His bare muscular arm - thanks to the blessed tank top he decided to wear today - was resting on the wall next to your reddened face.

"The directors are starting to complain, saying that your acting and professionalism has gone downhill" He said with those pink lips at the tip of your ear.

"If it continues like this they will end the series, and end the contract." Now he kissed your ear. "I know how to solve this."

That was his plan. And you knew it, but you were tempted. Did your career just take off and it's about to crash? You were lucky when you signed the company papers as it was one of the biggest in Korea. But now that was a disadvantage, if they fire you they'll spread it all over the press and you'll end up broke. So you fell for Jaehyun's miserable plan.

How would you solve this? - Your voice trembled along your legs.

"If you fuck with me, you'll lose the embarrassment of kissing me in front of the cameras." He said kissing down and biting your neck.

"We don't have more kissing scenes." You complained while giving space to Jaehyun, who was about to fit his knee between your legs.

"But I can change that. Again." Now he looked into your eyes, going through your physical body being able to see even your soul. "Do you want my help?"

Jaehyun's dark eyes pleaded with you without saying anything. And you couldn't deny or nod. You only managed to kiss that pretty mouth without saying anything.

In a matter of seconds you are pressed firmly against the wall, your hands on Jaehyun's neck, scratching, and his hands are divided. One on your neck trying to pull you closer and the other squeezing your waist.

Your eyes were closed, but when the kiss broke and you went to admire Jaehyun, your vision was blurrier than the streets when covered in fog. That was Jaehyun's effect on you.

It covered you like smoke leaving you dizzy, without vision and any senses.

And in that not seeing straight, you just felt your weight being carried to the couch. You were sitting normally, if not counting the fact that your chair was Jaehyun's lap. You tried to sloppily kiss him again, but that was impossible with your shirt between your faces.

She was being lifted up so they could have a perfect view of your bra covered chest - which was left there for now.

Now the kiss was successfully conceived now that you was shirtless. Your legs spread between Jaehyun's thick thighs were in constant motion up and down his lap. Until everything stopped.

"You look beautiful with those jeans, I don't even want to take them off." Jaehyun bit his lower lip as he said those words.

"But I'm so looking forward to seeing the color of your panties, especially what they hide" Now he would throw you on the couch. Turning you over, putting your back on the pillow.

Kissing your breasts you can't help but encourage him. "Light pink, with a little bow." You whispered in the brunette's ear.

You can feel his smile in the valley of your boobs . That while he was still there, because seconds later his mouth was somewhere else.

With sloppy moans accompanying another confusing kiss you could feel Jaehyun's cold hands go down to the bottom of your pants, then down as well.

Your tight jeans - which enhanced your ass in an absurd way - were already somewhere else, because now all Jaehyun admired was you, your bra - which honestly he doesn't know why he hasn't taken it off yet - and your light pink panties, which at the moment was already in another tone due to the humidity of your pussy.

Reading the brunette's thoughts, you grabbed the boy's strong arms and helped him unclasp your bra. Now with your breasts flying in his sight, he shifted again. Repeating the position leaving you in his lap. You wiggled around in his black jeans - specifically in the tent next to his belly. - His hands resting on the back of the couch and your head leaning back releasing the most pornographic moans ever seen while Jaehyun sucked your breasts like a child.

Biting the nipple and sucking the round - relatively large - while groping the other, making a switch in a few minutes.

Your cunt was now throbbing and trying to behave by squeezing into nothingness. Jaehyun - you just meowed and that was all it took for him to notice. Your nails itched and pulled Jaehyun's shirt off, giving you the pleasure of scratching that chest.

Back played on the couch, you breathed hard rolling your eyes just feeling the wind in your hot pussy.

In a flash you saw Jaehyun tucking the pink fabric into his pocket, and then you saw his head ducking into its warmth.

The pleasure that Jaehyun's mouth would bring to your body is something unimaginable and surprisingly unique. No one would ever dare to do like him. The tongue you've kissed many times was kissing somewhere else, but it kept being sloppy making everything more fun.

Your head was empty, and you were meaningless - other than the warmth and affection received between your legs - so the noise you made was so loud, but you didn't even care. After all I just felt like moaning like a bitch when Jaehyun told you.

"Were you a porn star before taking on this role? You moan like one." Aggressive words were thrown at you, but that still didn't stop you from continuing like a whore.

You've been close since he started labor, but when his tongue starts teasing your soft spot, your clit, you freak out.

Tired of listening to you exposing to the world how good he was, his arm fumbled in the pockets until he found the pink fabric. Tucking the wet panties into your mouth, and swirling your tongue around the sensitive hole, you climaxed with teary eyes.

"Now shut up." He said lifting your pussy and taking the tissue from your throat. "I want my souvenir back."

He said and kissed you, spreading the taste of your pussy all over your mouth.

Jaehyun was so naughty and so precious at the same time. It's been months since you had any kind of relationship, and even with the rude words Jaehyun didn't hurt you.

You were almost freaking out because he made you feel so good without even doing the full job - untill now.

Innovating the position now only you were sitting on the couch. Your knees were propped up on your chest giving a magnificent view of your swollen pussy.

Jaehyun was quick to get out of his dark jeans and underwear, spitting onto his pre-cum wet dick, in a matter of seconds you could feel him getting into position.

"Open your legs please." - Surprisingly he begged, and you gave in so easily. Whimpering in response and the icy contact you obeyed by stretching your legs.

"If you feel pain let me know." - He said kissing her lip. Jaehyun is so readable now. His brows were furrowed and he was biting his lip so hard it looked like any second it would bleed. On the other hand, they felt like they were tearing you apart.

Jaehyun's thick cock invaded you completely, every firm breath you took, your insides tightened, and you both suffered from it. You swore you saw Jaehyun shake, and he swore he looked like he was going to explode.

You closed your eyes tightly when you got used to it. Head shaking when Jaehyun was free to move.

Now it was you who was trembling. Jaehyun reached you in full when standing still, now in motion you came in a few moves.

It fit so well, and you felt magnificent, and seconds later, the news was coming. Its liquid exploded on Jaehyun who had to hold back from doing the same in less than 3 minutes inside.

You were already getting used to it. Getting used to swinging full length when Jaehyun hammered you. Your head bobbing back and forth, your hands destroying his pecs - thanks to your beautiful nails - and your boobs bouncing. It was already perfect, you were going to arrive for the third time and possibly pass out thanks to your fog, until everything changed

Jaehyun in a matter of seconds he lifted your thigh and rested his knee on your shoulder, invading you even more. The tip of his cock destroyed the beginning of your womb, and your bleary eyes changed. The cloud has changed.

Your head was spinning and you were seeing stars, you squeezed when you felt your third one coming, and this time Jaehyun felt the same.

You broke out in a cold sweat when he came on you. He shot all his flavor inside you, he made you a pie. And then your squirt came hard.

Your waters dripped from your eyes and your pussy. You cried when he laughed and said you were extremely hot while you came.

"I'm sorry I didn't talk that much when I was inside you." He placed a kiss on your cheek and walked over to your dressing table to grab the wet wipes packet.

"I was very concentrated, I wanted to impress you" He laughed as he walked back to your side.

You who had already closed your legs in shame had red cheeks when he opened it again. It was impossible not to moan as he cleaned you up. Jaehyun looked like an angel between her legs.

"Thank you so much." He kissed your thigh.

-

You were already dressed - you were still without your panties - when he sat next to you on the couch.

"I'm sorry about the couch too, it must have been uncomfortable for you, such a small place." - He fed his addiction of kissing your cheek. "Go out with me tomorrow and we'll finish in my bed, it's much bigger."

He turned your face giving another kiss, but this time on your mouth.

"What time do you pick me up?" You replied laughing shyly.

You were definitely not embarrassed to be around him anymore. And you didn't even notice the change.

His plans always worked.

@jaemlonfz 2023

[spopsalt]

How to show abusers Helluva Boss vs Hazbin Hotel vs Rick and Morty

So, I've been meaning to make this post for a while, but an anon said they'd like to see the post, so I was finally motivated to make it!

Ok first up, let's do Helluva Boss, I was wondering wheter to use Stolas or Stella for this one, since both of them are horrible portrayals of abusers, but there is a similar portrayal on how Stolas is portrated with Hazbin Hotel, so I chose to use Stella.

Yep. This is an actual line from the show. Depth? What's that!? Stella is just made to be a Saturday one-dimensional cereal box villain. Who only exists so people can feel bad for poor Stolas. The thing is she had potential to be an interesting and complex character but nope! She just exists to make you feel bad for the poor baby Stolas ohhhh noooo she's mean. They acts like this isn't hell and even is supposed to be nice.

Hazbin Hotel

So Lucifer is Charlie's dad, and this image is the best way I can describe his portrayal. He was emotionally neglectful of Charlie's (Fuck you to anyone who says neglecting isn't abuse it's a form of abuse) and he does not get held accountable. He doesn't even apologize for neglecting his daughter for years on end. He also makes it very clear that he does not support her dream in the slightest and allows angels to kill his own people because he considers then beyond saving, and he does this despite knowing that his daughter hates it. All he does is say "Oh wait I support your dream now" then he gets portrayed as some amazing person. He clearly still sees Charlie as a child he literally says "I'll shelter and adore you more than anything" while hugging her. And he only called her when he was bored. He didnt even improve after his shitty half-assed rushed "redemption" being dismissive after she was feeling extremely upset about the amount of casualties in a war instead of trying to understand her. What an amazing father.

Rick and Morty

Rick Sanchez is a really amazing portrayal in my opinion. The gif I'm showing above shows his trauma with someone named Rick Prime. Showing that abusers are normally the way they are due to something horrible happening to them in their past, and while it makes a lot of what he did make sense, he's still held accountable because he's still a VERY horrible person. He constantly emotionally abused his grandson (Morty) there were even times where the abuse got physically (4 times if I'm correct) and has done awful things to keep him codependent. He's very codependent on Morty and relies on him for various things, like keeping him emotionally stable when thats a ridiculous and unfair thing to depend on someone for, especially your 14 year old grandson. But Rick isnt shown as being in the right for this and is called out mainly by Morty and some of the other family members when he's being a piece of shit. But he's shown to feel guilt for the shitty things he done at times and hates himself because of it. He's also shown mutiple times that he does truly lover and care about Morty mutiple times throughout the series, being very protective over him and even willing to die for him on one occasion. It still shows him as being human without glorifying him or demonizing him. Like it or not, abusers are still people. They aren't good people, but they are people nonetheless. And I love how Rick and Morty shows that. They have 2 neglectful parents here but I'm only covering one abuser per show so maybe I'll cover them in another post.

[beddybites]

Do yiu have any tips on like how to attract more attention 😭 it's been a good while and it's a huge struggle of keeping motivation and not so amazing art so it's hard to sure my characters and their stories bc one thing a can say in confidence is I am a good writer I'd like to think, people tell me I have and oddly good but cryptic way of writing that keeps people enthralled, but my biggest struggle is getting them interested in the first place 😭

hi there!! i admittedly dont really know much about the world of writing and how to gain more attention there, but i can try to give tips and see what applies & sticks!

start off short & simple and build it up over time

if you start off with something big and complicated there will be more pressure to keep things big and complicated. theres nothing wrong with short and simple and mixing it up here & there (ie with art: if you only post full pieces with extravagant rendering people will keep expecting it. mix it up a bit. i try posting a variety of sketches and doodles and more detailed things— sometimes some things do better than others and thats ok!

it is 100% okay to repost/reblog your own work

if you ever see me spamming my blog with the same posts, its so i have it back on peoples feeds and on my main profile and its easier for people to find. its also likely that some ppl missed the post, and reblogging/reposting gives them the opportunity to see it!!

something something “its cringe and egotistical” WRONG!!!!!!!!!! its completely normal for creators to repost their content and it may help a lot!!

short & sweet descriptons

when you post, avoid giant paragraphs of text, especially if you’re including art in the post. people will be distracted and will see a giant post and just scroll past it

speaking of descriptions, try using trendy words and notable names

its kinda like hashtagging. if you look at my posts you’ll typically see how i will drop people’s full names + include the word “art” or “doodle” … this is because it will more likely show up on someones feed if said person looks up the same words.

ie: googling “muichiro tokito art” -> insert my post popping up because it has “muichiro tokito art” written out in the description

i admittedly have trouble providing tips as someone who doesnt rlly understand how i got noticed to begin with haha. something something imposter syndrome or whatever they call it these days… so im not really sure if anything above helps, but this is stuff i typically try to keep in mind when i post with the intent of trying to get people to see it

more importantly—

i know this is cheesy and this is easier said than done (i have this habit too a lot of the time) but numbers does not equal ur worth or talent. i know it isnt motivating and it can be so heartbreaking): but even if ur stuff doesnt get a lot of notoriety please know it doesnt define your value . this may sound like gibberish as it is 5 am as im posting this but truly… never give up on ur work!!! i promise u someone out there loves it

im more well known for my deaging & fluff content and to this day im rlly shocked it blew up the way it did. i really made it for myself. i came up with a whole alias and didnt plan on posting it anywhere bc i was so scared ppl would hate it and harass me or nobody would gaf. but eventually i was just like Man. if this thing helps me then maybe it can help someone out there too. and it helped provide ppl some joy & wonder and whimsy & made them feel seen and truly thats all i could ever want…

its difficult and its hard but i promise u… be patient and kind to yourself. it can definitely be hard sharing things around and getting that exposure you need but there are ways for sure. some journeys are faster than others and thats ok!

again sorry if this is all gibberish its super late ): but i hope this could help in some way shape or form

[vickyyoon]

Paring - best friend hyunjin x fem!reader

Genre : smut, fluff

Warnings : heart melting amount of fluff and very very soft sex.

Synopsis : your best friend always had feelings for you but you never came to know that especially when you found yourself so little next to him.

You were slouched on the couch with your best friend hyunjin's head on your shoulder as you watch a movie that was apparently " super popular and amazing".

Soon you guys got bored and decided to catch up on somethings you guys missed out when he was visiting his grandma.

You ranted and ranted on and on to him about how you were just so single and it burned your skin watching couples. Your family always made you feel left out because of that.

" they always go on group dates with my cousins, relatives, siblings and others. I could be there with them right now but Is it because I'm ugly? Am I not good enough? Why do I have to be single! " you were about to explode in anger.

"like this time again? That's so rude honestly. I mean they're your family" he watched you rant on and on smiling and finding it cute.

" they don't even call me! They just leave me all alone! How hurt could I even be? Why is everyone taken!?" you cry.

You looked like you were about to tear up. And he gave you a comforting hug. You had rare friends that comfort you like him. You always wondered how he was so patient listening to you for hours.

" I find your stories interesting and funny. That's why I like you." making you happy and feel a bit better.

You go to the kitchen and bring out a bucket of ice cream you keep for yourself especially on these days. He watched you shove your mouth and rant on and on... again.

It was entertaining until you brought up a boy. " You remember Lee know? Well I always liked him but he's been so distant I swear I can't reach him. I feel like being with him for the rest of my life but he's always so much better than me and it makes me feel so small" you pout.

" at this rate I'll be single forever. I wish I could get close to him. If school ends how will I ever be with him?!" you were tearing up from that thought.

His face changed too he wasn't smiling like before, he looked a bit hurt. He couldn't even hear you when his mind flood with thoughts.

Such a pretty girl, what a pity she isnt taken. And if you would be his he would be the happiest person in the entire world. He remembered when he was in that same loop hole.

Waking up drenched in sweat with the thought of you being with someone else. He worked so hard just to be your friend. He worked even harder just to be your best friend and now his mind only ached with those memories of how hard he tried.

He liked you since first grade. You were the apple of his eye, A sweet melody played on his mind when he thinks about you. In fact whenever he sees you, he only finds good memories. Like the beautiful scenery of a field of colorful flowers or a dawn where the sun's ray of light hit the waves of the sea on a misty blue morning.

You were his only reason to live. You were his only purpose to find life because he was lost before he found a reason to live.

Today his heart ached to hear such a thing from you. Tears threatened to leave his eyes but he knew very well how much it swells in your heart to not have the person you want close to you because he's been though all of that.

You could tell something was wrong. " H-hyunjin? Is there something wrong?" he shook his head smiling at you.

"No it's just that minho is taken, didn't you know that?" he couldnt believe but he's lying now.

" wah-what? But no one told me!" to add feul to the fire he lies even more. "it seems like they're in deep love too. He said he's planning to propose to her after graduation.I'm surprised you didn't know That" hyunjin said.

"wah-what no! Why? Wh-why is this happening to me?" you were breaking down and he came closer to you and gave you a comforting hug that you cried onto his shoulders in seconds.

" If you're really looking for someone..." he pauses. " you have me. I'm ready to be yours. I've always liked you." you froze in your place.

He pulls out from the hug. He stares at you who was speechless. You know you've always liked him but you always knew that he was never going to be yours especially when he's just your best friend who always looks out for you. You could never loose him so you always pushed that tight far far away so much so you found yourself looking for others to keep yourself distracted.

"I-I'm really sorry if you don't think of me like that." he stumbles over his words ready to leave.

"wait." you grab his wrist sitting him down. "what do you mean you've always liked me?" and he stared at you before telling you how he's spent half of his life just chasing you.

It was the first day of 1st grade that his eyes landed on you. From then he liked you. That feeling grew much bigger by each grade.

" if you remember that field trip in 7th grade where we went to a huge mountain. I only stared at you looking at the mist and fog near the railing of the huge mountain. You looked liked my lost happiness." and from then he chased after you even harder,

Shifting his body, mind, behavior and likings just to be perfect for you.

You just stare at him only wondering how this popular hot boy only ran after you when he was surrounded by pretty people.

"it wasn't just your looks, your smile reminded me of my first time star gazing with my mom. I could remember that moment only when I saw you smile." you flushed.

" it started with just you but then I fell harder for your personality, behavior and kindness. How could you exist? How could a person like you even exist? I only knew I needed you."

This was when he became your best friend. "it didn't mean anything if it meant changing myself for you. I would happily do that to be a better person. Maybe I don't know my real self because I changed for you but I'm happy like this."

You were crying again. You only needed to hug him. " if only you be mine, my soul will rest in peace." he said kissing your forehead and you nod your head in his chest.

---------------------------------------------------

Somewhere in between those tears you two were turning hot and burned from the inside, searching for that one feeling of relief.

Before you knew it, you two were making out. You were on top of him while sat still. Eating each other hungrily.

Out of some intense climax you started grinding on his hard bulge hinting him what you were craving.

You took off your hoodie and your little top, then your pants, underwear and bra. You guys stripped every piece of clothing off of each other.

You could only admire his physique just wondering why you didn't ask him out earlier. This all could have been yours.

He was shaking pulling down his boxers. He came towards you with his hard pink red cock leaking pre cum. It was big.

You were resting your head on the armrest of the couch. He lifts your legs to your chest. Staring at your wet cunt.

He picked up your wet slick and stuck a finger inside. Making you whine at the feeling. He admired your sweaty red flushed face.

He licks your wet cunt, the texture of his tongue shivered you.

You didn't know if the feeling was because of the sensitivity of your first time or the feeling of being fucked by hyunjin made you this mess.

You were whining and whining until he started to pump into you. Lewd moans escaped your mouth.

You were grinding on his fingers. " Pl-please. I just fuck me already." just waiting for him to fit inside you.

Without another word he sticks his cock in you giving you a stretch you think youll never find this good. Before you knew it he was slowly thrusting in you.

" that feels good. I always knew your walls you'd feel good but never thought it would feel as this good." he moaned.

Shit...this wasn't him fucking you. It was him making love to you

His wet lips draped over your entire body. Covering you with marks and wet kisses. Touching everything single soft parts discovering you and your favorite parts.

The feeling was tingling. Even though his thrusts were slow and agonizing, the feeling made you blush harder with every thrust. Just the thought of him in you, and how much he wanted you. You finally felt wanted.

" Y/n I've rejected every single girl I my life, hoping I'd have you one day." he claimed. " and you're not ugly, it was me who warned all the boys off."

Though the confession hurt you, you liked how he did so much just to get to you. " only if you asked me out earlier, I wouldnt have to do this." those words spun in your head.

You realize how he's been hinting you all along but you've never thought of it like that.

" oh please! Mmh- just please go faster." a tear slips down your face.

This pace picks up a bit faster. The feeling has your walls wrapped around him.

" baby please loosen up, I might not last any longer if you keep up like this." he moans his face flushing aswell.

His face is buried in the crotch of your neck and you can feel his burning hot cheeks and sweat. His breathe was shaky and warm.

With every thrust you felt bubbling up, so much closer and closer to your first orgasm.

And him kissing and caressing your face did not help. The thrusts got sloppier and sloppier till it only made wet sounds.

" ahh I-Im close." you chocked on a moan, he moved even faster. Til both of you came together.

Both a panting, shaking mess. The feeling was euphoric, you wanted this every single day. Forget about Lee know.

" now are you still single?" he asked laying beside you looking at you stare at the ceiling.

"then will you be my boyfriend and be only mine?" you chuckled but looking back at him the question was his life. His eyes were teary.

" ye-yes! Ofcourse" he said. And you can see the sparks in his eyes. He really wanted you, and he really needed you. He looked like he won in his life.

[discoveredreality]

intro post <3

don't mind me editing this like every single day lol

my dm's and askbox is always open if u want to talk <3

anons are welcome too <3

also if u want to make new friends i am right here pls say hi im fucking lonely😭

anyways

BELOVED MOOTS <33333 (everyone is tagging them and this is fun)

this in no particular order just whoever pops up on my dash or smth idk. not every moots just the ones i actually know lol. ok so

@im-ur-sleep-paralysis-demon THEY'RE AMAZING LOVE THEM SM IF U DON'T FUCK OFF BECAUSE OMG KJHLGJKFJHLKYFJHKJGL

@ma-lan13 HELP MY BESTIE IRL GOT TUMBLR OMG OMG. AND SHES ACTUALLY USING IT WTF?????? ANYWAYS SHES THE BEST <333

@bloophasarrived SHE'S THE SWEETEST AND SO WONDERFUL. HER PERSONALITY SPARKLES AND OMG SHE'S SO FUN AHHH

@marylily-my-beloved I LOVE HERRR WE HAVE THE BEST CONVERSATIONS. SO NICE AND EASY TO TALK TO. AND WHY DOES SHE KNOW ME SO WELL <3333

@im-just-here4853 my vent buddy omg we just vent to each other i love her so much idk what i would do without her <33

@im-on-crack-send-help TWINNING IN LITERALLY EVERYTHING. SAME MUSIC TASTE. SAME TASTE IN FOOD. IN DRINKS. IN THE WAY WE THINK. WTF. ANYWAYS SHE'S MY POOKIE I LOVE HER <333

@the-gay-skeleton-in-ur-closet THEY'RE THE BEST OMGGGGG and they're nice and cool and shit <333333 i'm quoting myself it's fine AND LIKE SO NICE AND GOOFY AND EVERYTHING OMG

@cubemagnet somene i met on a random post and now we occasionally team up to correct grammar lol 🤓🤓🤓 anyways she's amazing :D and everything she says is so iconic like isjflsrijglruhglsuglijrsg

@book-girl4eva SHE'S AMAZINGGGGG. IT'S SO EASY TO GOOF AROUND W HER I LOVE IT. SHE ALWAYS SLAYS SO HARD. EVERYTHING ABOUT HER SLAYS. idk if you'll see this but this is for u pookie <3

@mil-pinterest-sss-here-i-am ??? questioning why we're moots. but he's literally so nice. literally will be my therapist and help me w maths because that shit is impossible 😭

@dandelionflowery omg literally so kind and everything all the time. so fun fun reading their fics and doing shit together omg

@sweetwarmcookies16 OMG RIJGDJFGIJFGIF THE BEST I LOVE PLAYING GAMES TOGETHER AND TALKING AND EVERYTHING. ALSO AN AMAZING WRITER

idk brain isnt braining ill add ppl as i go along

moodboards made by my lovely lovely moots <3

so far i only have one here cause i forgot to link the previous ones whoops 😭😭😭

about me

i'm ari. she/her. nicknames welcome. go wild. dude/bro/girl/literally anything is also fine. i use 'lol' and '<3' too much. minor. literally the biggest procrastinator and so disorganised i dare u to find someone worse than me. i'm indian but i live in australia. bengali/north indian idk. band kid :D my pinterest is here. PLEASE DM ME IF U WANT TO. I NEED FRIENDS. IM AWKWARD AND BAD AT MAKING CONVERSATION BUT STILL PLS 😭😭😭

personality/star sign or whatever

according to the mbti test here i am an istp-t. i am also a cancer. i found out my sun, moon and rising signs and the marauders version and i wrote it down and lost it so then i redid it and i lost it again so i can't bother at this point someone help me :(

time zone

Australian Eastern Standard Time (AEST) i think?? SUCK ON THAT AMERICANS AND WHOEVER ELSE EHHEHEHHEHE ;LSDJFSFJIJFDJF;LJ

my music taste

i love taylor swift, conan gray, olivia rodrigo, sabrina carpenter and honestly a lot of other stuff lol. also love bollywood music.

favourite books and authors

i love reading and i'm usually a really fast reader lol. i love harry potter (fuck jkr tho), kotlc, chetan bhagat books, the inheritance games, agggtm, literally all of karen m. mcmanus's books, the divergent series, pjo and hoo, lorien legacies, the selection, powerless, soc, girl in pieces, dictionary of lost words and bookbinder of jericho, all the books by amish, and a bunch of other books.

dni

idk the usual?? if u think ppl arent valid or you're literally an asshole. honestly you all can go get stuffed. idgaf

tag games and shit

yes you can absolutely tag me. i love tag games and chain asks. sometimes i may not get to doing it but i usually will and it makes me so happy when i'm tagged lol

tags

i don't post that much stuff so i don't really have mulitple tags for my posts. anything or any shitposting or thoughts will be tagged #ari's shit. for asks it's #ari gets an ask?

fandoms!

i'm literally obsessed with drarry but i'm mostly part of the marauders fandom. i'm starting to make my way through all of the marauders fics. i love love love hermitcraft. i'm an ethogirl literally who doesn't love etho?? also really into trafficblr. i literally love six of crows so much like omg. desperately trying to get through the magnus archives im only 8 years late haha i also love kotlc sm. (team foster-keefe forever!) i'm low-key in love with keefe sencen cause omg. aaaand also a bunch of other shit but those are the main ones idk bro

i'm bored and this is too long already might as well add more so here are a bunch of userboxes :D

and that's all not because i have self control but because there is a limit to images per post 😭😭😭 i literally had to delete some of my aesthetic images for this soooo

all the above photos are not mine, i got them off of pintrest.

my profile pic is obviously from the makowka picrew here

the beautiful dividers are linked here. these are by @saradika-graphics she is a literal star these dividers are so good

IK THIS IS WAY TOO FUCKING LONG AND I KEEP ON ADDING SHIT MORE SHIT SO IF U ACTUALLY LIKE READ TO THE BOTTOM THIS HERE IS FOR U LMFAO ILYSM <333333

[lennadanvers]

Hi! I love everything youve written with my entire fucking heart like you dont understand there hasnt been a single thing of yours that I havent liked! Anyways, I was wondering if you could write some more Simon Riley? You write him so well it isnt even funny. If you cant, no worries! I think youre amazing!!!!

Hi! Thanks a lot for the praise, it means a lot (you don't even know how much, I'm pretty new to fanfic writing and posting stuff is still kinda terrifying, but when people say things like this it warms my heart). Anyway, I had this sitting in my drafts for way too long, and found the energy to finish it today. Sorry for the delay, I hope you still enjoy it.

Thanks for your patience <3

Every coin has two faces

Ghost doesn’t like to think about himself.

Maybe the mask is an effort to conceal his own face when he walks past a mirror, rather than to guard his identity. Maybe it has a double purpose. Maybe it’s just one: to hide. Whatever the case, Simon Riley avoided thinking about himself. Of how he looked. How he sounded. Or moved-

Until he had met you.

Fresh blood. As in a new recruit and as in that you were bleeding the first time he saw you. Despite the bloody nose, there was something there. A burn in your eyes. The sharp smile you threw to the recruit laying at your feet. To the one responsible for your pain. Sparring wasn’t supposed to be this dirty, but they had crossed the line. And you had slaughtered it in response. A fucking demon; you had become violence on the flesh and unleashed something nasty upon them.

Once you had won the fight -not fair and square, but they had asked for it-, you stopped. Put the leash on whatever it was that took over you, and stepped back, hand to your bloody face.

Simon smelled something rotten.

For the untrained nose, it wasn’t noticeable. Most people would have looked at you and seen a surprisingly skilled recruit, that’s it. But he saw himself. Broken recognizes broken, he supposes. The anger ready to jump out. The control; years of training that someone as young as you would only have if they started before even learning to talk.

That’s what it was, wasn’t it? You were another survivor. Another messed up past. Another broken child who grew into a desperate, cold monster.

Ghost saw himself in you.

It went downhill from there. Simon Riley knew it was a bad idea, he was a bad idea. But you were so good. Scary good. Too damn close to perfect for him to be at ease. He kept an eye on you. From afar. Very, very far. From a second-floor window. From his elevated position as a sniper in the field. From a couple dozens of yards in the training area. Through Soap’s gossip.

Simon Riley had never been so close to liking himself. You were fast, methodic, smart and precise. You were strong, witty, sarcastic and poisonous. He was interested, involved, captivated and weirdly vulnerable.

It haunted Ghost how much of himself he saw in you. It just made the few contrasts (sparkly smile, short body, soft curves) feel sweeter. Just made him want to be closer. If you were so… So beautiful, so elegant, deadly, appealing, valuable… Maybe he was, too. Maybe it happened to you too. Maybe, when you looked at him, you saw yourself. Maybe you understood.

That’s why the way you looked at him it chipped his heart a little.

He had never considered himself particularly handsome. Just a man. But this man had a good body -strong, healthy, taller than most. He was good at his job- effective, respected, he had earned his position. He knew not to get into other people’s business, and he had a decent sense of humor. Some women had even complimented his accent- apparently his voice was quite attractive. The few that had seen his face hadn’t complained, either.

Obviously, he didn’t expect everyone to be interested in him. Simon knew the mask weirded some people out. But it wasn’t the mask, was it?

It was him.

You looked at him like he was the president of the welcoming committee of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Like you’d shoot him if he took a step too close (he never stood within less than six meters from your personal space, mind you). Whenever he entered the room, you stabbed him with your side eye. If Ghost had to walk past you in the hallway, you’d stick to the wall like a fucking tree frog, for God’s sake. And he hadn’t even talked to you directly.

Simon hadn’t been able to wrap his head around it.

Until now, that is. After you had been chosen to go with the team to a mission. One that was supposed to be easy. In and out. No more than a couple hours. No finding a place to stay the night. No ending up divided in a couple different locations. And definitely no spending the night hiding with you.

Alone.

There had been bullets flying everywhere. He was calm, fast. You knew better than to give him dirty looks when he dragged you to safety. But you were looking at him now. And he was terrified.

All this time, the scarred, broken kid inside him had recognized the scared, lost kid inside you. Ghost had seen himself in you.

But you had seen someone else in him.

His broad figure and trained muscles weren’t attractive, were they? They were menacing. His stealth, aim and training weren’t worthy of admiration, but fear. The hard-earned respect, the power, was nothing but a weapon, a strategic position from which to attack. Your dirty looks were the hate you had spent years nursing. God, the way you pressed against the wall in the hallways- your most basic instincts keeping you away from the predator.

Simon is a threat to you.

And you’re looking at him as if he was his father.

Ghost stares back at you from across the abandoned building you’re going to have to spend the whole night in. He’s going to be sick- you look sick. Simon knows how you feel. Being trapped in a house with a man who can beat you into a bloody pulp. Someone bigger, stronger and more powerful. Big body, hard knuckles and labored breath. Next to him, you’re so small. You’re weaker, have less experience and power over him. And you can’t leave: it would be worse. You’re trapped with him.

Alone.

It kills him, the way you step away from his body as soon as you can. How you don’t look him in the eyes, following his hands instead. He feels disgusting.

Simon takes a deep breath and forces his voice to sound calm- he’s not- and quiet.

“You alright? No wounds?”

He knows both answers: no and no. But he has to ask. Has to let you know he cares. He’s on your side. Here to take care of you. Not to hurt.

You shake your head.

“Good. Gonna stay ‘ere tonight. The others can’t be far. Contact Price to let ‘im know our position.”

A nod. He’s used to giving orders, but right now his voice sounded harsher than he would have liked to hear. Ghost winces.

“Thank you.”

It’s the surprise in your eyes that ignites his hope. He’s not an asshole. Maybe.

You don’t trust him, either way. After you eat- pressed against the wall, knees between you and him-, it’s time to prepare for the night. Simon knows how he’d feel if he was in your place. He’s more than sure you’re not happy sleeping in the same room as the big, creepy guy with military equipment who reminds you of a nightmare.

He takes off the gloves first. Someone told him he has nice hands, once. They’re brutal. But human. The mask is next. Usually- always- it stays on during missions, even if they last days. He can make an exception. His naked hand undresses the chin, the mouth, the nose- the scars. Simon bats his short eyelashes, as if the dim light of the sun setting was bothering him- he wants to show you he’s weak. He can be.

You stare at him from the other side of the room, still, a deer in headlights. Simon tucks the mask and his gloves into one of his pockets. Decides he’s keeping the bulletproof vest. But he can spare his gun. And the sniper rifle. And his knives- except for the one hidden inside his pants: he’s not undressing in front of your terrified eyes, and at least he has something to defend himself with, in case the enemy finds you. Everything else goes into a pile on the floor. He then steals a glance at you.

You’re looking at him unsure. He’s not only your superior, but a ruthless soldier. This is not the protocol. In fact, he’s being quite stupid by choosing to spend the night disarmed.

Simon shrugs. He’s not going to explain himself to you.

“’s uncomfortable to sleep with all that metal. ‘m a fucking bell.”

You give him another nod. It’s weird, how much you talk around other people. You’re usually loud, even your laugh. You laugh with other people. He’s seen you laugh at Soap’s jokes. He’s heard you teasing him about his accent.

Or, rather than that, the weird thing is how quiet you are next to him.

Ghost likes his recruits obedient and focused. Makes it easier to give orders if people have a cool head and are ready to follow. But you’re not. You’re ready to fight, flight or freeze, and you don’t trust him. You don’t trust he’ll keep you alive and well. Because you’re too busy making sure he can’t hurt you.

Except he can. He could. If he wanted. He doesn’t. For the life of him, he does not want to hurt you. Simon himself is terrified of the possibility.

Ghost knows it’s an absurd idea. He has no reason to. He is your superior, and you’re together in this. You’re supposed to watch each other’s backs. To be a team.

But right now, all you are is terrified.

And he doesn’t know how to make it stop. So he resorts to giving you choices.

“Wan’ the first watch?”

Say no, and he’ll make sure not even a cockroach crosses that door. You’ll be safer than in base.

You nod.

He bares his neck. Ghost has seen your teeth, and they’re more than enough to cause serious damage. Go on, he’s telling you, make sure I can’t fight back. Simon doesn’t say it, of course. Instead, he lays on the cold floor, away from the door and from you. Look, he’s out of the way. You can run, if you want to. You can wait until he’s asleep, grab his weapons and disappear. You can hide somewhere else until the sun rises. He just knows you’re good at hiding. He turns his back to you. There, it is yours to stab. If he ever gave you any reason to feel like this about him, by all means, go on. End his misery. But, most importantly, end yours. Take your pick, he left you an arsenal. He’s dying a death by his own weapons either way.

The shadow your body casts on the wall stays still a long time. It’s been well after an hour since he slowed his breathing down when you finally move into a comfortable position. The ruffling of your clothes and the little sigh you let out make him feel a little less cold. A little less like a monster.

When the sun wakes him up the next morning, you’re still sleeping. Ghost should reprimand you severely; should have woken him up, should have made sure someone was watching the door. But he can’t find it in him to do it, to betray this shadow of trust.

So Simon takes a mental picture of your relaxed face- he’s never seen it so close, it’s a sight worth risking his life for- and turns around. He pretends to sleep until you wake up and start making noise.

I hope you liked it, thanks again for the ask <3

If you (or anyone) have an idea/request/suggestion, I'll be happy to read them. It may take some time, but I promise I'll do my best. Also, I'm sorry if I made any mistakes, English is not my first language and today my brain was particularly confused. Just let me know and I'll fix it.

Masterlist here