#like she was gone from when I was 10-18 and then we reconnected

[deancoded-deangirl]

re being a younger sibling deancoded deangirl, eventually my older sister and i reconnected similarly to sam & dean and she compartmentalizes and i suppress and she was the golden child whereas i was just kind of There etc etc we just fit in the dynamic

[glimmerglanger]

Ok, a day later than I’d planned, but I couldn’t decide how to ask, so I’ll keep it broad. For the CZ snippets you’ve been writing… I would love to know more about Anakin’s relationship with his dragon blood. Some ideas include: Is he still connected to any of his relatives, and is he on good terms with them? Has he always known he was part dragon, or was there a certain age where he found out? Or, on a slightly different note - do he and Obi-Wan ever talk again after the events of the fic? What would that even look like? Any or none of the above, just… I was wondering about Anakin, if you are so inclined. And also let me say again that CZ is truly incredible!!! I’m continually blown away by your worldbuilding and depth of characterization.

OOOOOOOOOOH. Well, the answers to the first two are pretty brief, but Anakin found out when he was around 10. Shmi had no idea that his father had dragon blood, so it was a surprise to everyone! He's on decent terms with Owen and Beru (or was, before...everything that happened).

AND I have done a little snippet post-fic. It is...not super happy. Implied canonical pregnancy trauma, as a warning.

~~~~~~~

Obi-Wan happened to be out for lunch with Bant when the emergency call came in.

It had been a few weeks since he’d made it back to Coruscant, and, in that time, she’d found an excellent new seafood place, happy to share something that aligned with both of their dietary needs.

Cody had gone out with a half-dozen of his brothers, reconnecting over the joys of minigolf, which they’d discovered a few months back. Cody had promptly developed a ridiculously competitive streak, scowling when he returned from the last game with a total of 25 strokes for the entire 18 holes of the course.

He’d just sent Obi-Wan a picture of the course - Rex and Bly centered in the frame, comparing clubs - when Bant took a call from the Temple. He felt her bearing change before he even heard the tone of her voice when she asked, “What? How far out are they? What’s her blood pressure? What? No, I’m coming in, I’ll be there in--”

She paused then, looking over at Obi-Wan, who was already standing, waving over their server, and paying for their drinks. She asked, “How quickly can you get me back to the Temple?”

“That depends, do you--”

“Obi-Wan,” she said, looking at him with her fathomless eyes, “As long as we make it in one piece…”

He slid his wallet back into his pocket and said, “Ten minutes. Twelve on the outside.”

“I’ll be there in ten minutes,” she said, hanging up, and Obi-Wan didn’t bother asking what was going on, not in that moment, just hustled her out of the restaurant and out onto his bike.

He got her there in nine minutes.

#

Obi-Wan didn’t intend to follow Bant through the halls to the Healer’s Wing. The injured deserved their privacy, after all, it wasn’t his business who was being air-lifted into the Temple for immediate medical care.

Bant grabbed his arm, though, as she swung off the bike, and only stared at him for a moment, and he asked, keeping his voice quiet because she looked ready to bolt, “Bant?”

“Would you come with me?” she asked, and he felt a tremble in her hand.

“Of course,” he said, the hair on the back of his neck rising. “But, I don’t--”

“They’re bringing Skywalker along,” she blurted, the scales around her eyes going pale in a fear response. The attack on the Temple had been--more than a year ago, but it had left scars on them all, and--

“What?” Obi-Wan asked, everything inside him going very still, his blood rushing in his ears.

“Apparently, he’s--he wouldn’t let them take her, otherwise, and she’s in a terrible condition and--Obi-Wan. You could always beat him. I’d feel better, if--”

“Whatever you need,” he told her, because he would have gone, anyway, Force, Anakin was going to be in the Temple. “But who are you talking about?”

“I’ll explain on the way,” Bant said, some of the tension relaxing ouf of her shoulders. “Come on.”

#

She was, apparently, Ambassador Amidala. She was apparently pregnant, and the shock of that almost drew Obi-Wan to a stop in the hall. “It’s not--” he started, his gut twisting, and Bant nodded at him, still hurrying along.

“Apparently it is,” she said. “This hasn’t happened in decades, Obi-Wan. I have no idea how…” She strangled off, and he squeezed her hand.

“You’ll do what you can,” he told her, and then there were shouting voices ahead of them, yelling about things like blood pressure and pulse rate, and Bant pulled away from him, running forward.

They turned a corner just as another set of medics came down that ramp that led to the roof, a stretched between them, a woman on it, writhing visibly against the straps holding her onto the stretcher.

Padmé. She was making a terrible sound, wounded and low, and Bant snapped, “This way, bring her this way, now.”

Obi-Wan ignored all that, because behind the medics, hurrying along, flanked by two of the troopers, was--

Anakin.

Obi-Wan had not seen him. Not since that terrible night at the end of the Convergence. It had been decided he’d never return to the Temple, but--

Now he was there, striding forward as though he intended to follow the healers, his eyes wild and his expression haggard. Obi-Wan stepped into his path, hand falling automatically to the handle of his sword, and said, “That’s far enough.”

“Get out of my way,” Anakin snapped, making to charge forward, and Obi-Wan shifted into a defensive posture, his sword whispering as he drew it, remembering smoke in the air and blood and screams and--

“I said,” he repeated, voice calm and coming from somewhere far away, “that’s far enough.”

“You don’t understand!” Anakin seethed, but jerked to a stop. He wore no weapon. His right arm ended in a prosthetic. The troopers both stopped close to him, frowning. One - Wooley - drew out his phone and called someone, taking a half-step away. “Padmé needs me!”

“I think,” Obi-Wan said, heart beating too fast in his chest, “that you’ve done quite enough to Padmé.”

Anakin’s expression grew stormier. “This isn’t my fault,” he snapped, and Obi-Wan flinched at a scream from inside the healer’s halls.

Obi-Wan boggled at him for a moment, and then said, “Anakin, you know we can’t have children.”

Anakin glared at him, left hand flexing by his hand, a trickle of smoke coming out of his nose. “I’m not a Jedi anymore,” he spat. “Remember?”

“You still went through the Ordination,” Obi-Wan said, hoping that keeping him talking would calm him down, allow the Healers to do their work. Wooley said something into his phone, watching Obi-Wan, and from down the hall, Obi-Wan could hear more people approaching, not leaving him to handle this alone. “You can’t safely have children. Your DNA--”

“There’s no proof of that,” Anakin said, “I checked. No one has even tried for like a hundred years, they just listen to the Order’s rules--”

Obi-Wan barked out a laugh, nothing amused in it, and Anakin stopped talking, just boggling at him. “How many dead pregnant people do you need as proof?” he asked, another scream punctuating the question. “The Order has rules for a reason, Anakin.”

Anakin jerked forward, and Wooley and Crys caught him back by the arms, holding him before he made it a step. Obi-Wan looked at him, heart still racing, tasting bile in the back of his mouth, and asked, horrors unfolding through his faults. “Oh, gods, did you--make her--”

“No!” Anakin said, trying to recoil back. “How could you even think that?”

“Well,” Obi-Wan said, as - finally - Mace and Depa came out of the hall, Barriss a few steps behind them. “You tried your control with me.”

“We’ll handle this,” Mace said, putting a hand on Obi-Wan’s back, tone very gentle. “It’s alright, Obi-Wan. You don’t have to stay here.”

“Bant wanted me here,” he said, aware of prickling heat and sweat down his back.

“Understandable,” Mace told him, easing in front of Obi-Wan, anyway. “But we’re here now. It’s alright.”

“Right,” Obi-Wan said, feeling…full of adrenaline. He took a step back and then another, listening to Anakin argue with Mace. He walked away, sword still in hand, ears buzzing, remembering Anakin that night, standing before him, blocking his way and swinging a sword and--

“Obi-Wan!” Cody shouted, and Obi-Wan jerked his head up. He had not realized that he’d made it to the main hall. Cody came through the door at a run, only slowing when he reached Obi-Wan, reaching out to grab both his arms, looking him over. “Are you alright? Where is he?”

“I’m fine,” Obi-Wan said, only becoming aware, then, that his hand - his free hand - had started to shake. He curled it up into a fist. “What happened to your game?”

Cody stared at him for a moment like he’d spoken some other language, and then curled an arm around his shoulder, tugging him down the hall, further from the Healer’s Halls. “Wooley called me,” he said. “Come on. Let’s go to the gardens.”

“Alright,” Obi-Wan said, because that sounded reasonable. He drew in a breath and let it out, and added, “You didn’t have to come back.”

Cody made a little sound, pained, and did not dignify the comment with a reply.

[tricktster]

the twilight series suddenly makes 100% more sense if you read them under a specific premise that, i contend, is heavily supported by the text:

Much like Amy’s diary in Gone Girl, the books in the Twilight Saga are verbatim reproductions of in-universe diary entries carefully and deliberately created and curated by badass unreliable narrator Bella Swan as a means to achieve immortality.

Prerequisite assumptions:

1) Bella actively and persistently wants to become a vampire, both diagetically and (I contend) non-diagetically. The average vampire novel format often fails to capture realistic human behavior in one highly specific area: the protagonists are frequently mortals who grapple with the choice of whether to become a vampire. This is stupid, because being a vampire would obviously be dope as hell; particularly in the Twilight Universe, where vampires are not required to take a human life to survive, and indeed, have the capacity to live full and rewarding lives while integrated* into the human community.

(*integrated-ish; see Assumption 6)

2. There are too many coincidences for Bella to have encountered the Cullens by sheer chance, only to be the ONE person that Edward can’t live without (due largely to the novelty factor of not being able to read her ding-dang thoughts.)

3. Diagetically, the Volturi don’t even know Bella’s psyonic gifts until New Moon, but we also know that the Volturi scour the globe for recruits to enlist into the protection of their governing body.

4. Nobody wants to be a voiceless cog in a bureaucracy.

5. Nobody, and especially nobody in high school, wants to be a high school student forever.

6. Vampires in twilight are, as a group, cartoonishly terrible at disguising their true nature.

7. Forks is a backwater town approximately 3.5 hours away from the biotech hub of Seattle.

7. George W. Bush and Dick Cheney can eat my farts and they deserve to be preserved in this snapshot of an innocent author’s mind slowly unraveling.

Proposed timeline:

In 1993, there is a key system meltdown at a improvised biohacking startup in Seattle, rendering all innovative genetic modification experiments into a puddle of brown sludge that nobody can figure out how to dispose of per Federal regs, since they don’t even know what it is.

The broke founder of the startup, who for the purposes of this timeline I will call Jeff Bezos because that’s who it was, eventually grows tired of all the discussion about what to do, and just pops it in a barrel, drives a few hours out of town, and dumps it in a pond.

Bella Swan, a small child, is hanging out at a park with her family friend Jacob Black (and a ton of his friends) when they all decide to wade in a slightly murky pond. Thereafter, they are transformed.

Bella grows up as a normal, highly powerful mutant with a +20 to deception checks and wisdom saves. She lives in Arizona, but up until 2002, summers in Forks. While in Forks, she picks up on the local lore about a family of vampires who don’t eat people.

Because Forks (population: 17 + Charlie’s mustache) is boring, Bella bones up on the only interesting thing about it, i.e. Vampire Hometown baybeeeee.

In 2000, George W. Bush gets elected president, and his evangelical politics and general bumbling ineptitude informs Bella’s opinions on authoritative governmental entities.

In 2001, the Cullens make their intention to move back to Forks known, but they take a while because they need to pack all their stupid graduation hats and volvos, etc.

Later in 2001, a psychic Volturi scout rolls through Forks to ensure that nobody within living memory recalls the Cullens, and notices an anomaly in the psychic field.

The scout goes to confront Bella about joining the Volturi, and Bella immediately clocks him as a vampire, because vampires in the Twilight Universe fucking suck at looking/acting human. This leaves the scout in a bind: she’s too valuable to kill, but she’s a pre-teen, and therefore too young to be transformed per Volturi authority.

The scout warns her he’ll have to kill her if she discusses the existence of vampires with any human. He then tells her he’ll be back in five years, and begins to sweet talk her on how good life will be when she’s a vampire, beautiful, immortal, powerful, etc. Bella asks if she has to kill, and dude says “nah, actually there’s a bunch of vegetarian vampires who are moving back here soon. Fucking nerds, but otherwise they’re doing well.” Bella is all about becoming a vampire, because Bella is a rational actor.

Bella moves to Arizona, and as the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq are unjustifiedly initiated, she recognizes that while she DOES want to be a vampire, she does NOT want to be a foot soldier in any war that she can’t support. She needs a plan.

In 2004, Bella is watching her step-dad’s minor league baseball game when it occurs to her. On her own, she’s a target for the Volturi, but if she had some people to watch her back, she might be okay. Of course, nobody fucks with the Volturi on behalf of some rando human. She’ll need to con her way into a coven who’ll have her back and also give her that +10 to constitution via vampiric transformation, which she desperately wants because she’s a rational actor. And where are the non-volturi vampires that might have her back? Fucking Forks.

Bella moves to Forks in 2004, and upon seeing the Cullens, she immediately clocks them as vampires even though they left their “we’re all vampires” booty shorts at home, because, as previously discussed, vampires in the Twilight Universe fucking suck at looking/acting human.

Bella notes that all the vampires but one are paired off in heterosexual bliss, and takes note of the straggler as a potential vehicle to vampyrdom.

Bella figures out that Eddie can read everyone’s mind but hers, because Edward Cullen fucking sucks at looking/acting like a human who can’t read minds. Bella further observes that Eddie has a huge undead boner for her.

She’s found her mark. Now she just needs to convince him that she’s better off as part of the coven than on her own. Problem: Eddie’s a self-pitying insufferably guilt-striken perpetual adolescent who keeps himself busy by feeling sorry for himself because he’s a vampire, angst angst angst etc etc. Also, I think he’s Catholic, so add some more guilt in. She’ll have to win him over by convincing him that they’re destined to be soulmates.

What does a vampire used to having complete insight into everyone’s mind but his crush’s want? A method to know what she really thinks of him. Bella begins writing a “diary” knowing that there’s no way in hell Eddie won’t sneak in and read it. So she Gone Girls it, and begins to lay a trap to lure him in. That first diary? Twilight.

This was just in the movie but a stoner chases her around with a worm on a stick. Nothing to do with this theory, I just like that part of the movie. Where’s my spinoff about that guy?

Eddie won’t give Bella what she wants (eternal life) by the end of book 1, even though she asks him to EXTREMELY POLITELY. Time to hit the diary with some more promises of undying love.

Bella reconnects with her old friend Jacob and the rest of the Mutated By Jeff Bezos Boys. Alas, they cannot turn her into a physically powerful sexy immortal with a bite, so she’s still stuck with plan A) win over a whole family of vampires with big Mormon energy. It’s the long con.

Edward’s angst abruptly takes a swing towards terminal. He’s absolutely your classic sadboy, perhaps because Bella now has one (1) friend that he knows about.

When Eddie begins to drift away on account of Angst, Bella conjurs up a secondary love interest who, coincidentally, is ALSO a sexy supernatural entity, and is much less coincidentally just Jacob.

We should establish here that Edward is like a 107 year old white dude and so even though Diary!Bella pretends not to see it, Metatextual Frame Story!Bella knows that dude is super racist.

Jacob Black is three things: 1. Like Bella, a mutant (although one with shapeshifting abilities), 2.one of Bella’s oldest and most trusted confidants, and 3. down to clown on an elderly teenage vampire who keeps stereotyping him. Sure, says Jacob, I’ll take the form of a werewolf. He seriously thinks we’re all just beastmen, huh? Hey look at me now, I’m Regis Philbin because this is 2005 and Who Wants to be a Millionaire is still sort of relevant. Sick.

Edward does not like that Bella has one (1) other friend. Bella and Jacob plot to use this to their advantage and lure Edward back on the wings of jealousy.

Eddie gets himself into trouble on account of Angst and poor communication, so Bella has to go rescue him from himself/the Volturi.

Aro finally meets her and gets to test her powers, which impress him. Now she’s back on the fucking radar.

I forget everything that happens in Eclipse, so i have chosen to omit that part.

Eventually she extracts a quid pro quo from Eddie; i’ll marry you if you turn me into a dracula.

We don’t really call ourselves that, Wet Blanket Cullen replies, entirely earnestly.

Bella gets married at 18 in 2006, and Eddie starts to backtrack his promise about changing her. This won’t stand.

Well, look, he’s an elderly guilty catholic/mormon teen who probably still uses super racist terms, but she’s stuck on honeymoon island, he has certain angles that work for him, and seriously what are they gonna do but fuck? Bella’s alternative is listening to her “husband” drone on about his interests, which are almost certainly Car, How Do I Post a Minion Picture on Facebook, and Licorice Used To Be a Lot Cheaper in the Good Old Days.

Whoops a fetus.

Bella recognizes that she’s GOT to have this baby: time’s running out, and Bella knows that at least two of the Vamps in her coven will cut ties if she terminates or otherwise fails to carry this baby to term because of the conservative religious subtext. She’s going to have to stick it out for 9 months, even though it’s a risky call.

Bella gets what she wants after giving birth. “My time as a human is over, but I've never felt more alive. I was born to be a vampire.” That’s a direct quote. Except now she’s got a (pretty cute and easy) baby that she desperately wants to protect from Turning Into A Vaguely Religious Cullen Dressed Head To Toe In Cream Colored Wool.

Bella decides to fake her own death and escape with the kid and Jake so they can form i guess a detective agency. Bella will get “killed” by the Volturi, move to Sydney, and open up shop, and Jake will take the kid after her a few months later.

They’re gonna need a reason why Jake gets the kid though, and there’s only one reason to do anything amongst the Cullens: a heterosexual love interest with a super problematic age gap.

Jesus, Jake sighs, is Eddie really going to believe I’m in romantic love with your actual infant? Does he really think that little of me?

Yup.

Bella tries to draw the Volturi’s attention.

Works too well.

The Cullens call up all their vague acquaintances, who are at least kind of fun. Particularly that one dude who keeps getting angry about British conduct during the American Revolution.

Well, fuck, now the Volturi are bringing an army to fight their ragtag army of Vampires Who Are Cool And Interesting Enough That We Can Safely Presume They Are All Definitely Gay. Bella can’t let those guys die, they’re the first actually compelling vampires she’s ever talked to.

Bella saves the day because she’s OP.

All the Cool Vamps start packing up to leave and Bellz almost goes with them, but the Cullens would just keep sending missionaries after her if they knew.

Bella finishes her fourth journal with the vague warning that the Volturi are still out there somewhere and they miiiight just try and get her.

Two days later, she stages a scuffle and gets the fork out of Fucks. Her journals are the only clue.

Sirius Black and baby nessie follow once edward has stopped sobbing into his cream colored sweater and moved on to Extended Power Pouting.

Bella recruits her own army of fledglings.

Bella stages a coup against the Volturi and succeeds.

Bella sits on the iron throne with a hot lady vampire on each knee and they all kiss and stuff.

Nessie I guess forms a post punk band?

Edward dies from aspiration of a brussel sprout that he ate because he just wanted to feel something.

Charlie and Billy get married.

Charlie’s mustache develops a cult instagram following, providing them with a modest retirement income.

Jacob shapeshifts into Bill Murray and is always crashing weddings.

Bella’s stepdad is off in the B plot this whole time winning the world series with the help of a kooky angel.

There. Fixed. My soul is at rest.

[i-love-hobbies]

Eda's reckless behaviour and overall mental health

Summary

Eda is a genius, but is very emotional when making decisions (not anger, but fear, stress ect.)

Her reckless behaviour and apple blood problem in my opinion are her ways of running from reality.

In season 1 she made a bit of progress on this issue. Then the finale happened. Then she made again progress and s2ep7 did a complete reset. And she is making progress now again.

Eda's intelligence

She's been a criminal for thirty years. She has been in the shady business for an extremely long time. Yes magic definitely helps but you also have to find a way to be on top of the game, so you can survive.

Remember Tibbles' shrinking potion. She can't really use a lot of magic if she is shrinked or poisoned and dead, can she? Not to talk about her enemies which you'd think would attack her now that she is magicless.

They haven't on screen, yet. The only ones that tried are Adegast and Tibbles and they both died without her using any magic (or close to nothing).

Now we know that she doesn't make plans a lot on screen. In s2ep3 especially she just let's Luz make the plan but that's because she is her mentor.

In s2ep6 Luz used sleeping needles which is wild magic so no, it's not knowledge coming from Hexside. Also the pickpocketing Luz mentioned.

Teachers don't do the tests instead of students.

She teaches her everything that isn't glyphs. I wouldn't be surprised if she has told stories to Luz about her best "outsmarting everyone in the room" moments.

Now we have seen some of her problem solving on screen. One of which was in ep.18 fight only using her channelled magic trough the staff (im not taking credit for noticing this, have no idea who did though) and used the bridge.

Also if she can telepathically talk to her staff. Owlbert saving Luz was probably her idea.

She had her impact on Raine's rebellion as well, without having magic or turning into a harpy.

"You are not our mom!"

"Wow, we actually helped people this time!"

"Bye, mommy Eda!"

In the back of her head she knows exactly what to do, everytime something happens.

Eda's mental health

Eda's curse and the nightmares it causes. The father incident. The fact that she probably thought Lilith was scared of her.

Lilith's hidden guilt and her taking her father's eye out don't mix well together. I wouldn't be surprised if they barely spoke even if they lived in a house together.

Her losing Raine.

Her faith in the emporer being broken.

She has seen a lot of death, that does impact people.

Season 1

At the beginning of the series she was making a lot of bad choices which don't aline with her experience.

The series starts with her getting caught by Warden Wrath. Instead of just sneaking, they were just walking comfortably in the corridors.

They are kids, one from another dimension, but her... She doesn't know better? And for a paper crown that she can replace by stealing from someone else.

Next episode we are introduced to her morning drink later on confirmed to be for adults only. And that drink didn't get a mention for the rest of the season. In that episode she is also not the most clear-headed. She didn't try to sneak, she didn't use potions. Didn't try to plan.

A list about her being impatient can go on and on.

So when does she think. When she realises it's dangerous (aka when it's right in her face). Literally in the first episode the moment she started doing stuff is when she got caught and spat on the warden's face.

In episode 2 she didn't do that because she didn't know if Luz was alive and had a hard time bottling her feelings. Like if Luz proved to him to be hard to keep tight up he could have killed her, the girl that came back for her and her son yesterday. And she proved to Eda that she is a little dangerous the previous episode with her fireworks.

Eda was rational again, after she was with both King and Luz.

As the series went on though she started to calm down a bit.

Firstly, the fact that she was so focused on fixing her card problem, after Tibbles scammed her, that she trew them away in another dimension.

I was wondering how she overcame it so quickly.

It also shows her knowledge of how to handle this type of problems which brings up a question. How did she learn it?

Secondly let's compare the first half of the season to the second.

1. Everything I already pointed out and was hiding the curse. The stuff that happened in ep.5. Her refusal to be parental in ep.7. Body swapped.

2. She gets scammed again (this time though, how do you expect that someone was digging their own grave). Didn't use a sleeping spell on the slitherbeast immediately instead was just standing there. Got caught by the fun police. Worsened King's stage fright.

In ep.15 because of her ignorance Luz and Amity almost die. Except that is not the full story. She had at this point a lot of faith in Luz and this was her friend's mind.

For Amity it's not that she hated her. Amity actually saved her in ep.12. It's because she wasn't that important for her to realise. "Omg Willow is at the very least extremely mad at her."

It's again a refusal to think, but for a stranger and not really on purpose. It was just a habit of hers.

Episode 18 and 19

At the beginning of the episode. Eda hid the curse, again.

When she learned that Lilith had kidnapped Luz. She didn't try to make a plan. She just revealed herself in all her glory while her magic was disappearing.

Shot the staff in a wall while she was having no idea, what that was supposed to accomplish.

Luz showed up and she finally started thinking.

Afterwards Lilith said we all know what and for the first time Eda's anger was the leader of her choices and Luz almost fell on to the spikes.

So then, for the very least a night, she was stuck in her mind with something, that was chasing her. She woke up to Emporer Baby the B*tch, who was telling her, he was about to go after Luz.

And no she didn't believe in Lilith, but was so overwhelmed. It was insane. So she begged. After some more running, she woke up to Luz in the Comformatoriam.

Next, she was about to get petrified and for awhile this was the calmest things have been since she got caught. Then Lilith shows up (ah yes she existed).

King jumped "She was trying to help!". Wait King was there.

Petrification beam go.

PURE PAIN!

Then she got the idea for all of them to fly away. Lilith shared the curse making the confusion even bigger. Then her magic is gone (that was a thing). She learned that the portal is destroyed. Now she was living with Lilith and might have starved to death with everyone else in the house.

After all of this she not only tried but HAD TO pretend that she was mentally stable, so they could survive this mess.

Season 2A

In episode 1 she told Luz not to go after big bounties and then tried to steal from a coven's ship.

At this point her emotions are the only thing that made decisions while they were also getting hidden. Don't get me wrong she did help and should, especially Luz but it's ALL feelings. She didn't think about consequences, which sometimes are good.

She didn't attack Lilith cause it's just not the time, she's scared from her own anger. Plus she can't really stand being with the roller coaster of emotions, that came with being in one room with her.

This didn't mean she didn't work with her and hadn't listened to the backstory, though.

The episode ends with her and everyone else not being close to dieing. Finally!

So now what? She tried to think about Lilith? Yeah, she probably preferred not to.

Then her glyph almost kills King, but Lilith showed up and helped. This is probably a familiarity she missed. So again she decided not to process it, but it definitely sticks.

She also didn't notice Luz being hurt.

Next episode, we saw Eda taking a shower which means she has healthy coping mechanisms, at least one, self-care and is not yet a workaholic.

Luz's apple blood joke is concerning.

After the events of episode 3. Luz probably told her that Lilith stayed with her and King, instead of just leaving them, get killed by Jean-Luc.

Then Eda still isn't certain where she stands about everything and Lilith just left, with her final act being, giving King mental issues.

Throughout this whole thing her mom was there with her cures/annual accidental attempt to kill her favourite daughter.

In this episode, Eda fell for apple blood signs. Rationality is out of the window.

In ep.6 she decided to help, with students getting palisman. Again not thinking about all the trauma, but finally doing something against her first instinct.

In ep.7 she heard King's "Le-" and refused to fully process, where the heck is he gonna go.

She also punched someone, cause this is gonna work?

Now she has reconnected with Raine having no idea should she even think of a romantic relationship again? And decided to be useful at least for something since she "can't raise kids".

She was helping and being very good at it, but it came from fear of loneliness.

Then she heard that Belos has a plan and just is overwhelmed. What if the kids get hurt, is she powerless?

Oh, look! Raine might be dead!

Next episode she overworked herself.

In between ep.8 and 9 she was trying to scare the beast into transforming. (She is losing her sanity. Literally the previous episode told her not to do that.)

In episode 9 again it's all emotional. She wants to feel better and be stronger, so she told King to blast her (almost blasting Amity), hit fool's blood even though Amity said the lake is further ahead.

Luckily she showed progress too.

She ate voles, which was against how she was feeling.

In ep.10 she was scared of letting Luz in the portal. I'm not saying she wouldn't have before, but I don't think it was easy.

Right now, after s2ep10, I think she isn't the most mentally stable. But she is definitely working on it.

[promptprophet]

Welcome back

I am not dead, although I am ready to throw down. Okay so there is a lot under the cut, but by every star in the sky I have been gone from all of my blogs for a while due to some roccuring issues. If any follow my main at @prophet-rebellion then you may have noticed that.

Some pro-tips:

1. Do not attend a gathering with family that does not believe in Covid. Because if they are anything like mine, someone will tell them they tested positive, your Uncle will encourage them to come anyways and not tell a single other person - and then, surprise surprise, everyone ends up with Covid.

2. Do not let your advisor plan your schedule entirely. Even if they are the Dean of your department. Because if they are still like mine, they will give you six classes. Which would not be an issue of 18 credit hours if it were not for the fact that 5 or the 6 are writing enriched. The only one that it not is math-based which is not my strong suite anyways.

But, in other news - I took a toll for the worst at one point. It has since gotten better. Granted, I had to be the biggest pain-in-the-ass to the campus physiatrist because he wanted to revoke some of my medication. Just because I am somehow making all As for the moment does NOT mean that I do not need my ADHD medication.

Speaking of! Yours truly got formally diagnosed with combination ADHD, depression, and anxiety. And after a lot of trial and error, we have found a medication and dosage that actually helps with the latter two! ADHD is still a work in progress because he is fighting me on it. He also doesn’t want me taking my meds unless I have a face-to-face class that day - as if it is some 9-5 weekdays only issue and I do not have class outside of those times, or online ones. But! A work in progress!

Also, Covid gave me the perfect chance to drop an incredibly toxic group of people in my life. One one hand, my mental health is so much better for it, and so is my own sense of self worth. On the other, it is definitely hard to do and hard to adjust to suddenly losing so many people. But I have reconnected with my 14 year old sister for the first time in 5 years - she wants to have lunch. Which is nice considering I have no spoken to my sisters in 5 years for her, 6 years for the older one (the middle). And I am also trying to reach out to my brothers more. It is interesting, because I did not know them until later. I am the oldest out of 5, 2 half-sisters of my mom’s side, 2 half-brothers on my dads, ironically enough.

I am also seeking out a competent doctor even with Medicaid, because I know need two more surgeries. This will make surgeries 4 and 5. It should have been 2 at most. But 5? And that is minimum, not counting if anything goes wrong again. It is taking longer, because I refuse to see my prior surgeon, and the only opening this past winter break as when I had to have my wisdom teeth removed, so, that did not happen.

Given circumstance I have managed to find a place to stay during breaks. Which is great because as some of you may recall I was kicked out after I turned 18 in 2019, and the room I rented over that summer was terrible (maybe leaving a known alcoholic with no regard for privacy alone with a just then 18 year old girl is a bad idea - if the number of times he barged into my room unannounced to try and get me to drink with him was anything to go by), but it was so my parents could travel full-time. Which, they are doing now and I am happy for them because my mom has 10 years maximum if she is lucky before needing oxygen (Smokers Lung), and my dad is dealing with medical injuries he got while serving - they discharged him because they would never heal right.

I have also picked back up with my job on my college campus! So money! And have secured a much better paying job over break than my McDonalds job, meaning I am not so hard pressed for cash. Which is also great because the last week of summer I had to dish out $2500 for my truck after it broke down in Tennessee and we had to get towed back to North Carolina.

So! Down to business! Now that I know what was wrong with me, and I no longer have issues with suicide, I’m on medication, and last semester I had a therapist that was a major help to me. I am actually in a better spot to be here. It has certainly taken a lot of work, and 2020-21 has thrown just about everything that it seems to have been able and hell, I am still looking for a third job.

Speaking of, god damn, the commissions! Jesus H. Christ, I wanted those done by January! And it’s March! Although I have been making progress on them, that is absolutely true - I am working on them a bit oddly though, switching between which ones I do to try and stop burn out and also because I was not drawing while mentally at my lowest. So to anyone who commissioned me who may not be looking at those messages, but sees this, I am sorry, they are being worked on. And I understand this is a ridiculous amount of time to wait for them and thank you all for being so patient.

I have also been considering if it is a good choice for me to come back to this page, and yes, I think that it is. Having something that I do every day has proven to be very helpful, and the amount of joy and love I have for these pages and the followers on them is immense. I was trying to clear out storage on my phone and I have an album just of prompts or asks that you guys have sent that continue to make my day. It really does mean the world to me.

I cannot be too sure if many have noticed my absence, if Prompt Guy did either. But I am stopping it now. I am finally in a good place. And yeah, I have a lot to do still - if all goes according to plan then I graduate next year. So after this I only have two more semesters before I graduate with my Bachelors in Business, with a focus on Entrepreneurship at the age of 20. And I better because I cannot afford to be in college much longer. I want to be back here, and return to my regular postings and interactions. I am getting those commissions done no matter what - that is a constant guilt over my head. Trust me, I know that it is there. I know. But I joined as an admin because I had followed this page the day it was created. And then I saw it had gone dead with no posts, so I applied as an admin. I got it. And things went very well. Well, I intend to hold back to what I wanted when I was first on this page, bringing it back to consistent postings for everyone.

I am here. I am back. And I am staying.

Also, I apologize if there are any typos, I have been doing a lot or writing for homework and personal work (trying to stop burn out and the threat of school ending my love to write) and my eyes have been strained the last few days, so everything is a bit fuzzy. Speaking of fuzzy! Turns out I needed glasses! So I have glasses now!

Yours truly, Prompt Prophet

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

She [1]

Warnings: non-consent sex (series)

This is dark! Steve and explicit. 18+ only.

Series Synopsis: Steve Rogers’ life is turned upside down by a reporter.

Chapter Summary: You meet Steve Rogers for an interview but he’s not what you expected.

Note: I’ve been trying to chill the last five days but I obviously got some writing in. It has resulted in this impromptu series and I hope you all like it. It’s looking like it will be about 10 chapters when all is said is done but that being said, I am still working on it.

Thanks to everyone for their patience and feedback. :)

I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 Let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply or an ask! Love ya!

Reader

Your left ankle bent as you leaned heavily on your heel. You stood before the thick walnut door, a round frosted window on its face. The townhouse stuck out on the old Brooklyn row and all knew its resident. It surprised many that he remained in the borough and he was cherished all the more for it. He was the golden boy of New York.

Well, that’s what people like to believe. You weren’t there to paint another flowery picture of the saviour. You were there to speak with the real man behind the plan. There was a story behind Steve Rogers that had yet to be told and when you were selected to tell it, you knew you had to do it right. The task was both daunting and humbling. It could be your big break.

You knocked and adjusted the bag that hung from your shoulder. You didn’t miss the group of kids at the end of the block gathered around for a glimpse of their hero. The door opened and you were greeted by the man himself. He smiled at you as his hand rested on the curled door handle.

“Hi,” He greeted you. “Thanks for coming. It saves me a lot of trouble.”

“Not at all,” You shook his hand. 

You’d spoken to him briefly over the phone and negotiated the time and place for your interview. You agreed that him coming to the office would cause too much of a flurry. You were sure he was over that.

“Come in,” He stepped back and waved you through.

He closed the door as you looked around the entryway. A thick banister with the same dark wood as the walls led up to the second level and a finely carved archway peeked through to the next room. It was cozy and a lot quainter than you expected. The exposed brick above the panelling lent it a warmth.

“Shoes?” You stopped by the mat.

“Your call,” He said. “Can I offer you something to drink?”

“Thank you, Mr. Rogers, but I’m fine,” You assured him as you stepped out of your heels. You’d hate to scuff the hardwood. “I’m sure you're just as impatient as me to begin.”

“Steve. And yeah, I suppose. I don’t really do much more than pressers and usually, I don’t do much talking.” He confessed. “Just through here,” He pointed to the front room. 

You nodded and stepped through. He directed you to the pair of armchairs before the artificial fireplace and you set your bag down as you sat. He lowered himself across from you as you reached into your bag and pulled out your phone and notebook. You swiped up and flicked your finger across the screen.

“Do you mind if I record you? It helps with editing and of course, accuracy,” You said.

He scratched his jaw and shrugged. “I don’t mind.”

“Great,” You hit the red dot and set the phone down on the small table with the mic facing him. 

🖋️

You were a bit surprised by how it had all unfolded, but, you supposed, you were right when you said no one was ever exactly what they seemed. Steve was nice enough as he showed you the door but you could see the agitated impatience behind his eyes. You should’ve eased him into it more. Timing was everything.

Even so, you had promised your editor a story and if you didn’t deliver after being chosen for such a coveted one, well, you would never see its likes again.

So you sat at your desk in your small but comfortable city apartment. It was nothing compared to the star-spangled hero’s walk-up but it was home. If you could work the interview the right way, it might mean an upgrade, or at least a television that didn’t flicker.

You hit play on your phone for the third time that night. Steve Rogers’ voice was etched into your brain. And that tension in his forehead, the tic in his jaw. A thinly veiled wrath unexpected of the valiant soldier-turned-saviour. You shivered and paused the recording. It was almost startling how quickly he’d turned on you, but you weren’t entirely innocent.

You stretched your fingers over the keyboard and sighed as you stared at your blinking cursor. You couldn’t just sit on this forever. You had a deadline and an extension was an impossibility, if not a death warrant for your career.

So you hit play and began to type, pausing to play back snippets as you went.

🖋️

‘It’s early afternoon in the heart of Brooklyn. Amidst the old brick buildings that line the cracked sidewalks is a townhouse unlike any other. The home of a man born there over a century ago. A living ghost that haunts the block. Most would say he is a friendly spirit.

Steve Rogers answers the door as a boy lets his baseball roll under a car and his friends lower their mitts to watch. A teen on a bike, a ring in his nose, even slows to admire the hometown hero as he smiles; a beacon of the borough. A glimmer of hope for all to think that the block is not the whole world.

He greets me like an old friend. “Hi.” The same smile seen in newsprint. He thanks me for coming and ushers me inside. This is the first time I’ve met him in person. I can’t lie; I’m intimidated. I’m just another person in debt to this great veteran.

His house isn’t what you would expect from a man as prestigious as him. No medals hanging on the wall, no vainglorious cut-outs of his image, or pictures of him shaking hands with men in suits. Only framed baseball cards along freshly laid wood-panels. It’s like any other house in Brooklyn, just newer. An ancient skeleton revived.

We sit in the front room, he offers me a drink. I’m not very thirsty. I’m more anxious to start talking. I can see he is too though his facade is hard to crack. He tells me to call him Steve as my recitations of ‘Mr. Rogers’ become almost pathetic. We begin.

Interviewer: “Great.” I hit ‘record’. “I’ll start by saying you have a nice place.”

Steve: “Thanks.” He seems to relax as he leans back in the chair which is nearly too narrow for his broad shoulders. “It took a while but I think it’s coming together.”

Interviewer: “Can’t take the boy out of Brooklyn, I guess.”

Steve: “Wouldn’t leave it for the world.” He smiles again, though he never truly looks less than amiable.

I: “Only to save it,”

S: “I do what I can.

I: “More than most; New York, Sekovia, the world. You’ve done it all. Do you ever just take a break?”

S: “I try. And sometimes I get a chance to just… be here.”

He looks around, proud of himself, of his home.

I: “Any hobbies?”

S: “You know, I used to love to draw. Nothing special, you know. But I found it calming. I actually bought a bunch of pencils and a pad but I never touched them. I’m sure they're just sitting up in my closet, neglected.” 

I listen intently, imagining this man bent over a notebook. It’s an absurd picture as my mind returns to the man in his cowl with shield in hand. The red, white, and blue bullseye is more suiting in my head than a pen.

I: “Anything else? Anything you actually do?”

S: “I like to run. Helps me get to know my neighbours, reconnect with my roots. I read… a little. I’m still not really into the whole internet thing but I try. I still get the newspaper just to read the strips and fill in the weekly crosswords.”

He confirms my suspicion. A man lost in time, but it seems he has found his place.

I: “A man for all times. And you work? I’m sure you get tired of talking about it but well, there’s been a lot of speculation about a possible retirement.”

He ‘s silent as he looks away and fidgets in his chair. He becomes the rehearsed hero at his podium. 

S: “I’d hate to fan that fire but I think it’s only natural to consider it.” 

I: “Thinking of settling down?”

S: “It’s always a thought but I’m not stupid. It’s not that simple. I’m not the type of man that gets to settle down.”

This remark might break the heart of every woman in Brooklyn and beyond but it seems to hurt him more. A grim truth for a man who many would say has the world in his hands.

I: “And if you did hang up the shield, is there anything you want to do? Anywhere you want to go?” 

S: “I’d like to try fishing. I’ve heard it’s relaxing. I love the city but it’s nice to get away now and then.”

I: “Is there anything keeping you from retiring? Besides the obvious; we all know you’re a good man and a great hero. You’ve shown commitment to the city, the world, humanity.” 

He looks to the artificial fireplace and shrugs. He’s thinking; perhaps censoring his response.

I: “Co-workers? The world is well aware of what you did for your old friend. And it has proven to be a point of contention, even after the pardon.”

He clears his throat and he’s no longer smiling.

S: “Bucky is an old friend and a commendable soldier. He does his job well. I wouldn’t take anything back. He has more than earned his place.”

I: “So, if you retired, you believe that he would retain his place among the team?”

He’s frowning now. He adjusts his posture so that he seems even bigger than before. A formidable opponent, if not an overwhelming one. 

S: “He is not there because of me. He’s there because of himself. Because he is an asset to the world.”

His blue eyes are darker now. No longer the crystalline waves shining in the sun but those foreboding tides which crash together beneath the moonless sky. My ship has gone awry, carried by an errant wind.

I: “Well, I can’t help but point out that many wouldn’t agree. You put yourself and several of your associates on the line to save him. To bring him into your fold. To place a man who was once a national enemy beside you. I hate to say it but, frankly, even if he were pardoned on his own merit, I fail to imagine him being allowed the same access to confidential intelligence and tasked with the protection of civilian life.”

His hands are fists. I could put up a front and say I’m not nervous, but I am. I have done what I once thought impossible. I have angered Steve Rogers.

S: “He wasn’r Bucky, but he is now and he has been cleared. I’m sorry, but I thought you were here to talk about me.”

I: “Yes, I am, but the world is well aware of your friendship with Mr. Barnes and all its implications. It is hard to separate him from your life.”

S: “I agreed to talk about me.”

His tone is set in stone. I attempt to stay calm myself.

I: “We are talking about you, but we can move on. Now, even with its dissolution, there are still questions being asked about the Sokovia Accords and your opposition to it. While many can acknowledge the need for your team and their work, they can’t help but wonder at the lack of restraints placed upon it. There are regulations even for the FBI and CIA and other protective services. So why should you be exempt?”

He sniffs and stands up slowly. He retreats behind his chair and nears a table along the wall. He distracts himself with a signed baseball. I don’t have a chance to ask who scribbled along the stitches as he tosses it and finds his voice.

S: “I never disagreed with the sentiment of the Accords. As heroes, of course, we should have obligations. Our first and foremost being the protection of innocent lives. The hardest to uphold but we do it.”

He is ever the statesman but he isn’t finished and his voice gets low. Dangerous, even.

S: “At the same time, we put our own lives on the line and you come here and nag me about formalities? What is it you want? Paperwork? Reports on how I threw my shield to stop a bullet from striking an innocent bystander? How a piece of shrapnel nearly severed my tendon as I threw myself in front of a speeding vehicle?”

I: “With all due respect, I am only asking about transparency. People deserve to know more. They deserve the truth.”

S: “Is that what you’re looking for? The truth? You want to know what we don’t tell you and your readers?” 

He puts the baseball down and his hand is on his hip, disapproving. I suspect his lecture will continue. He nears the chair and grips the back of it as he narrows his eyes at me. I fear he might throw it in my direction though for now, I hope it should act as my own shield against him.

S: “About how I have to lie about how many men I lose to keep this world safe. Because I can’t scare the people. Because I have to keep on this mask of the brave hero.”

His eyes go to the ceiling. He takes a breath to calm himself. I can tell he wants to continue. That he is holding back something which has brewed within him for a very long time. It is a moment before he speaks again.

S: “We’re done here. That’s it. Turn your phone off and go.”

The interview is over. What happens next will remain off the record. I leave with a mouth full of bile. My childlike wonder has been extinguished. I came to seek out the man behind the shield and I have done just that, but he is not who I expected. 

I was ready for a humble man, a man like any of us; the same wants and desires. Still human despite his enhancements; despite his superhuman status. What I discovered was a man who’s exceptionality has nurtured a sense of entitlement. 

And we do owe him our lives, our gratitude, we owe him the world. Yet I cannot dismiss the sense that he might regret his good deeds. That to him, it has become a thankless chore. That we are the needy children and he has been burdened with our cries for help.

So we should not be surprised or upset upon his retirement, not if, but when it comes. And we cannot fault him for his departure. It has been a long-time coming.’

🖋️

You took a breath and sat back in your chair. You rubbed your cheeks as the recording began to repeat itself. You stopped it and checked the time. You’d spend your morning editing and hope you would be ready for submission by the evening.

As you hit save, you felt an odd tremor deep inside. This could be it. Your big story. Or you could be tired and entirely up your own ass. You only hoped it was the former.

🖋️

You sat across from Poppy as she read your article through the glasses which sat low on her long nose. She was just past forty and wouldn’t look it if she didn’t wear the ridiculous half-circle spectacles. She wore a shade of red which paid homage to her name and her lipstick was just as bold. Her long lashes flicked up as she lowered the pages and her blonde hair fell behind her shoulder.

“Well…” She said carefully. “It is…interesting.”

You swallowed nervously as you teetered on the edge of the acrylic seat. Her long manicured nails played with the corner of the article.

“I had initially planned to have this in the back pages. No one really cares about the Avengers anymore.” She said. “But this is… I will discuss it with our marketing team but I know a feature when I see it.”

“A feature?” Your lips parted and you sat back as you gripped the thin arms of the chair.

“Oh, yes,” She said. “Another celebrity break-up is not exactly scandalous and to be frank, I do tire of that ridiculous narrative. But this… you will be hearing from me soon.”

“Uh,” You stood awkwardly at what you were sure was a dismissal. “Thank you.”

“For what? Doing my job? Should I thank you for doing yours?” She countered.

“N-no,” You stuttered.

“Go on then. I’m certain you have other work to do.” She tapped her long nails. “You certainly will once this is ready to print.”

You nodded and left her. She was already on her phone before the door closer behind you and you looked around the blindly bright office. It would be your first feature and it was the first article which had earned you more than a passive grumble from the woman. Perhaps you hadn’t been so foolish to think you had actually done something well.

[th3goldenretr1everboyfriend]

I saw this and thought it would be fun 🖤

1. Are you solitary or in a coven?

I am solitary.

2. Do you consider yourself Wiccan, Pagan, witch, or other?

I just consider myself a witch. There are aspects of Paganism I follow and enjoy but if I had to choose a title I'd say "Witch".

3. What is your zodiac sign?

Sagittarius ♐

4. Do you have a Patron God/dess?

I don't currently.

5. Do you work with a Pantheon?

I do not.

6. Do you use tarot, palmistry, or 
any other kind of divination?

I enjoy tarot, pendulums, and reading tea leafs.

7. What are some of your favorite herbs to use in your practice? (if any)

Rose petals, elderberry, hibiscus, juniper, lilac and sage are my go tos.

8. How would you define your craft?to.

Oh that's a good one. I would define in as simply witchcraft. I practice my own gifts woth the gifts the Earth and God's provide.

9. Do you curse? If not, do you accept others who do?

I strongly believe in the rule of 3 so I try not to, and if I do I make sure I am putting out good to others. If others do that is their business, I am in no place to judge how other practice.

10. How long have you been practicing?

Since I was about 14.

11. Do you currently or have you ever had any familiars?

I do not currently no.

12. Do you believe in Karma or
Reincarnation?

I believe in karma, I believe in the rule of 3, I believe reincarnation can happen, but I do not believe it is the default for most beings after death.

13. Do you have a magical name?

Nope!

14. Are you “out of the broom closet”?

In-plain-sight yes.

15. What was the last spell you performed?

A spell to rekindle love that's gone cold.

16. Would you consider yourself knowledgeable?

Yes, but always learning!

17. Do you write your own spells?

On occasion.

18. Do you have a book of shadows?
If so, how is it written and/or set up?

I do as well as a hroloir. Both are pretty free form.

19. Do you worship nature?

I wouldn't say I worship it, I am thankful for it and make sure the Earth knows that.

20. What is your favorite gemstone?

Opal.

21. Do you use feathers, claws, fur, pelt, skeletons/bones, or any other animal body part for magical work?

I don't but I wouldn't say I would be opposed to it.

22. Do you have an altar?

Not a proper one at the moment (small apartment) but I have a shelf of my oddities

23. What is your preferred element?

Fire (it's my own). I like how it embodies both beauty and uncontrollable chaos depending on how you treat it.

24. Do you consider yourself an Alchemist?

I guess I've never thought about it. No?

25. Are you any other type of magical practitioner besides a witch?

Nope!

26. What got you interested in witchcraft?

My mother is a witch, as are many of my family members

27. Have you ever performed a spell or ritual with the company of anyone who was not a witch?

I have not no.

28. Have you ever used ouija?

Nope.

29. Do you consider yourself a psychic?

Psychic? No. Aware and ability to see potential outcomes better than most? Yes.

30. Do you have a spirit guide? If so, what is it?

I do not.

31. What is something you wish someone had told you when you first started?

There is no "right way" to do it.

32. Do you celebrate the Sabbats? If so which one is your favorite?

Yes! Beltane because ya boy likes to bone 😅

33. Would you ever teach witchcraft to your children?

Of course, it's in our blood

34. Do you meditate?

Often!

35. What is your favorite season?

Autumn.

36. What is your favorite type of magick to preform?

Anything consumable.

37. How do you incorporate your spirituality into your daily life?

Devotions, prayers, using sachets and stones.

38. What is your favorite witchy movie?

Hocus Pocus (I'm a basic witch I know 🤣)

39. What is your favorite witchy book, both fiction and non-fiction. Why?

Funnily enough I haven't read that many.

40. What is the first spell you ever preformed? Successful or not.

Oh I could never choose just one!

41. What’s the craziest witchcraft-related thing that’s happened to you?

Accidentally setting something a blaze and it reacting as if it was untouched.

42. What is your favourite type of candle to use?

Taper.

43. What is your favorite witchy tool?

Wand! I love my platinum and clear quartz wand I use it daily.

44. Do you or have you ever made your own witchy tools?

I have not!

45. Have you ever worked with any magical creatures such as the fea or spirits?

Yes.

46. Do you practice color magic?

I incorporate it.

47. Do you or have you ever had a witchy teacher or mentor of any kind?

My mother and aunt.

48. What is your preferred way of shopping for witchcraft supplies?

Local shops when I can, personally owned online shops if I cat find stuff in person.

49. Do you believe in predestination or fate?

Fate, yes, predestination, no.

50. What do you do to reconnect when you are feeling out of touch with your practice?

Write in my grimoir.

51. Have you ever had any supernatural experiences?

Too many to count.

52. What is your biggest witchy pet peeve?

People who try to push their own rules, gate keep, or scare others.

53. Do you like incense? If so what’s your favorite scent?

Yes! Bergamot!

54. Do you keep a dream journal of any kind?

Nope!

55. What has been your biggest witchcraft disaster?

Using none organic roses to make rose water and poisoning myself with pesticides.

56. What has been your biggest witchcraft success?

I consider them all to be success because even if they don't go according to plan I learned something.

57. What in your practice do you do that you may feel silly or embarrassed about?

I always feel a bit silly speaking out loud 🤣

58. Do you believe that you can be an atheist, Christian, Muslim or some other faith and still be a witch too?

Of course. Gate keeping is fucking gross. You do you babe.

59. Do you ever feel insecure, unsure or even scared of spell work?baby.

Haven't we all?

60. Do you ever hold yourself to a standard in your witchcraft that you feel you may never obtain?

Nope.

61. What is something witch related that you want right now?

A unakite geode!

62. What is your rune of choice?

I don't have one.

63. What is your tarot card of choice?

Death because every good reader knows he is never literal

64. Do you use essential oils? If so what is your favorite?

Yes! I love grapefruit.

65. Have you ever taken any kind of witchcraft or pagan courses?

Nope.

66. Do you wear pagan jewelry in public?

Sometimes a pentacle or pentagram.

67. Have you ever been discriminated against because of your faith or being a witch?

Haven't we all?

68. Do you read or subscribe to any pagan magazines?

Nope.

69. Do you think it’s important to know the history of paganism and witchcraft?

Having an understanding of anything you are apart of or want to partake in is important but being a walking text book isn't helpful.

70. What are your favorite things about being a witch?

The connection with so many things normal people will never see or know.

71. What are your least favorite things about being a witch?

Being an empath can be so painful. Seeing the auras of evil people always hurt me too.

72. Do you listen to any pagan music? If so who is your favorite singer/band?

I have a Playlist, I wouldn't say I listen to any Pagab bands, more so Celtic stuff and creepy compositions.

73. Do you celebrate the Esbbats? If so, how?

Nope.

74. Do you ever work skyclad?

Yes. I prefer to meditate nude and do most things in just my underwear (hot wax/embers/sharp tools + my pens = no thanks)

75. Do you think witchcraft has improved your life? If so, how?

Of course. I have been exposed to so much most people will never enjoy.

76. Where do you draw inspiration from for your practice?

Call me basic but it's true: The Earth and Mother Nature.

77. Do you believe in ‘fantasy’ creatures? (Unicorns, fairies, elves, gnomes, ghosts, etc)

Can you call them fantasy if they're real?

78. What’s your favorite sigil/symbol?

One I created for impulse control.

79. Do you use blood magick in your practice? Why or why not?

Only my own to create magical ties.

80. Could you ever be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t support your practice?

I don't think so no.

81. In what area or subject would you most like your craft to grow?

Healing.

82. What’s your favorite candle scent? Do you use it in your practice?

Vanilla reminds me of my Nana baking in the kitchen. She's Chrustian but she inspires me to be a good person.

83. Do you have a pre-ritual ritual? (I.e. Something you do before rituals to prepare yourself for them). If so what is it?

Yes! I meditate naked, burn some blue sage and wash my hands.

84. What real life witch most inspires your practice?

My mother.

85. What is your favorite method of communicating with deity?

Offerings.

86. How do you like to organize all your witchy items and ingredients?

Alphabetically.

87. Do you have any witches in your family that you know of?

My mother, sister, aunt, grandmother, great aunt, great grandmother, and probably everyone in that line of sucession. I also have a great uncle who was gay so I assume he was too being that I am one of the few males witches in my family and I am gay.

88. How have you created your path? What is unique about it?

I always put intention into things, you can carve a path through a mountain of you acknowledge the fact that as a magical being you can do it. Our biggest hurdles are ourselves.

89. Do you feel you have any natural gifts or affinities (premonitions, hearing spirits, etc.) that led you toward the craft? If so what are they?

Seeing auras, being an exceptionally heightened empath, seeing super natural creatures, and premonitions.

90. Do you believe you can initiate yourself or do you have to be initiated by another witch or coven?

I am a solitary witch my blood you tell me.

91. When you first started out in your path what was the first thing or things you bought?

Tarot cards! I still have them almost 10 years later.

92. What is the most spiritual or magickal place you’ve been?

Hmmmm. The house I lived in when I was in Kansas. But not in a good way.

93. What’s one piece of advice you’d give someone who is searching for their matron and patron deities?

Seek out what feels right. Do not listen to anyone who tells you that you "have to" praise anyone.

94. What techniques do you use to ‘get in the zone’ for meditation?

A bit if wine, some good meditation and honestly some good sex. Not mesacriky in that order.

95. Did visualization come easily to you or did you have to practice at it?

Practice practice practice.

96. Do you prefer day or night? Why?

Evening because I like times of transition.

97. What do you think is the best time and place to do spell work?

Depends on what you're doing.

98. How did you feel when you cast your first circle? Did you stumble or did it go smoothly?

I was young and stumbled. Don't give up though.

99. Do you believe witchcraft gets easier with time and practice?

Yes and no?

100. Do you believe in many gods or one God with many faces?

I am polytheistic.

101. Do you eat meat, eggs and dairy?polytheism.

Yes.

102. What is your favorite color and why?

Baby pink because it's my aura colour.

103. What is the one question you get asked most by non-practitioners or non-pagans? How do you usually respond?

"How does it work???" and "Oh so you're evil?"

104. Which of your five senses would you say is your strongest?

Taste.

105. What is a pagan or witchcraft rule that you preach but don’t practice?

Don't drink and cast. Ya boy likes mead sorry not sorry (that being said I don't ever do anything woth chemicals or fire while drinking).

[opaljm]

eye of the tiger (m) | teaser – kth

➻ female reader x taehyung

➻ jagged spin-off + hybrid au + tiger!taehyung + giraffe/deer!reader + enemies to lovers + fake dating + minor inspiration from zootopia if you squint

➻ genres: angst, smut, romance

➻ length & status: 3k words; teaser

➻ rating & warnings: 18+; allusions to minor discrimination and prejudice; allusion to bullying

➻ summary: You had been bullied by Kim Taehyung in your youth and wanted to have nothing to do with him. But when your ex-boyfriend, a stag hybrid, kept dogging at your heels and Taehyung needed a girlfriend to stop the jaguar hybrid Jimin from growling every single time he got within 10 feet of his girlfriend, you find yourself agreeing to keep up the pretense that you and Taehyung were each other’s childhood crushes and had only recently reconnected and decided to date. 

➻ a/n: the Jagged sequel that exactly two people asked for.  enjoy this for now because i have no idea when i will be finishing this since i have to finish the fics i already gave post dates for :D

➻ disclaimer: all lions are inbred and they live in a pride. i don’t think this is necessarily something that i have to apologize for having in my story but i’ll still throw out the disclaimer that there is one tiny joke about lions being inbred.

⋆ jagged ⋆ teaser ii ⋆ my masterlist ⋆

When you were little, there were a group of predator hybrids who used to relish in causing you pain and anguish. They would ridicule you for just about everything, from your big doe eyes with its long sweeping lashes that would brush against your cheekbones when your eyes were closed to your longer than average neck that was narrow and would often elongate itself when you were absentmindedly trying to look far off into the distance. You had been bullied for your skinny frame and your long gangly limbs throughout all of elementary school where you had been a foot taller than the second tallest person in your class. You were constantly besmirched for having the smattering of pale freckles over your cheeks and nose, always being made to feel adequate for having visual indications of your deer and giraffe heritage.

From what you could tell, the only prey hybrids that were accepted in your small town in South Carolina, were the ones that had hybrid markers that were ambiguous and could have belonged to any number of species or the ones that didn’t have many visible hybrid markers at all. In contrast, the predator hybrids were allowed to delight in their own signs of hybridization. The worst of your bullies were a large group of big cat hybrids, containing both males and females’ hybrids of lions with the occasional leopard hybrid. From what you could tell, the lion hybrids of your small town enjoyed ruling over the place with their pride, and their children had learned from their toxic behavior, enjoying terrifying smaller predator hybrids by sneaking up on them and practicing their roars or by eating their lunches, from home, of entirely raw hunks of meat in front of prey hybrids causing them to throw up the contents of their own vegetarian meals.

All of this should have made you critical of predator hybrids and how they treated the prey hybrids of your town, but when you sat in the one room apartment that you shared with your mother, a lovely deer hybrid who had had you too young and was raising you by herself, you would do your arithmetic equations and stare at the poster of the University of Californian Hybrids, Los Angeles you had hanging up, and dream of escaping to a big city in a more progressive state where predators and prey could live in harmony with each other and might even sometimes be in relationships together. This was even worse than when two hybrids of the same class bred outside their species in your hometown. That’s what had happened with your mother and father. He was a D1 athlete who played on the basketball team of the university they had gone to and had broken your mother’s heart after she had found out that she was pregnant with you. It was one thing to date or sleep with someone who wasn’t the same species as you. It was an entirely different ordeal marrying them and having children with them.

You were desirous of a life where you could be with a predator hybrid because when you were six and had been pushed off of the top of the slides by a puma hybrid, who had waiting for her turn to slide after you, an adorable tiger hybrid who had been roughly the same age as you had squeaked out his attempt at a sonorous roar and scared off the girl and then had slid down to run to you, where you laid sprawled on the rubber floor of the playground clutching your sprained wrist. He had yelled for his grandmother to get you aid and had become your best friend up until the two of you had entered middle school and hit puberty. That was when Taehyung, who had been your fiercest defender against everyone who ridiculed your modelesque stature, and the way you had towered over everyone at your school, had fallen in love with a lion hybrid and started hanging out more and more with the crew of big cat hybrids after school. The final devastating blow that had severed your friendship with the male, forever? When the lion hybrid he had had a crush on, Miyeon, had made fun of your eyes, before you had to do a presentation for your world history class, and said they protruded and made you looked bug-eyed and then said that the only people who would ever find you attractive would be amphibian hybrids and Taehyung had joined her in her laughter. There was nothing wrong with toad or frog hybrids, but it hurt when the male you were in love with laughed and agreed that you were not attractive. That had made you spiral into a depression and made you determined that the following year, when you entered high school, you would do everything in your power to excel at school and to be extraordinary enough to not only get a ticket out of the prejudiced hellhole that was your hometown but to be able to afford to accept that ticket in the form of a full ride scholarship.

When you had finally moved to Los Angeles, your mother remaining behind because she said that the cost of living there was too expensive even though she would have loved to join you, you had reinvented yourself into someone who was self-assured and confident. Someone who had pride in all of the aspects that made her who she undeniably was. Also, when you entered university you were shocked at how many hybrids were taller than you, not only the giraffe ones. There were lion hybrids on campus that were taller than you, for the most part all of them were. That had made you squinty eyed and ask your mother how much inbreeding she thought the lion hybrids back home had partaken in since they were much smaller and much weaker than all the cat hybrids you had run into. And not to mention, undeniably ugly.

In fact, you were more aware that you were only half giraffe hybrid and not full, every time you walked around the campus where everyone was tall and beautiful. You had a full scholarship, a wide variety of friends from different majors, and had even dated a couple of guys. Your ex being without a doubt one of your worse decisions but at least it gave you experience right? But the point was, you had changed. You were no longer the scared skittish prey hybrid of the past that allowed big cat hybrids to walk all over her just because in the wild they were the “kings of the jungle.”

This is why it was particularly annoying that when Taehyung, yes that asshole went to the same school as you, had seen you across the room at a frat party and had lunged in your direction, you had been frozen like a deer in headlights and could not move. This had resulted in the jerk, whom you had not seen nor talked to since you stood next to him at your high school graduation ceremony, wrapping his warm large hand around your wrist and dragging you through the crowd of drunk hybrids up the stairs to the second floor to an unoccupied bathroom.

“Taehyung what the fuck,” you groused, no longer the soft-spoken girl that he was used to. You were annoyed at how good he looked. He was shorter than you in your heels, but he was probably within an inch of your height if you both stood nose to nose and barefoot. He was wearing an animal print shirt that had short sleeves and exposed his chest, which looked irritatingly firm and was a sun-kissed gold. There was a band of cloth wrapped around his head like a bandana that made him look rakishly seductive. And his wavy tousled dark hair and heavy-lidded amber eyes made a devastating combination that made your panties wet with a rush of arousal. He sniffed the air and you prayed that he only smelled the clean linen scented air fresheners that overpowering the bathroom and not the scent of your arousal underneath it.

“I need a favor,” he admitted without preamble. You blurted out your refusal after the word “need,” interrupting him. “Oh, come on Y/N, we were close once,” he tried.

“Yeah when we were six,” you grumbled, crossing your arms across your shirt that tightened even more around the generous swell of your breasts. You upturned your face, gazing up at the vents on the ceiling as though you were contemplating your escape before becoming self-conscious of the elongated state of your throat and moved to fix your gaze onto something that was more your eye level: the towel rack that had been added to the door.

Taehyung sighed, if you didn’t agree to help him, he would be in a pickle. Moments before he had seen you at the party, he had been talking to the pretty sand dune cat hybrid he had been lusting over all of last semester. Unfortunately for him, it appeared that she was still in love with that jaguar hybrid Jimin who hung around her like a dark cloud. Not even two minutes into her and Taehyung’s conversation, Jimin had appeared and draped a possessive arm around her while he glared venomously and unblinkingly at Taehyung.

With a laugh Taehyung had said, “Look man I’m not trying to steal your girl.” Even though he was totally trying to steal his girl, “I have my own and my tastes are quite the opposite, not that you aren’t beautiful ___,” he added, flashing her a wide smile and throwing in a wink for good measure. Jimin was awkward and standoffish, not to mention he was kind of small for a wild cat hybrid. ___ needed someone who was big and strong and could adequately protect her and their cubs.

Jimin had only raised one elegantly shaped dark eyebrow at the statement and looked skeptically at Taehyung, “And where is this girlfriend of yours? This is the first I’m hearing about her.”

Taehyung had smiled tensely and looked beyond where they stood to where the room was more crowded into a crush, his gaze flitting from female to female as he tried to find someone he could pass off as a girl he had been seeing for a while. His gaze had found you in the throng. You had stood out from everyone else with your thin form, towering over a majority of the girls while you danced with a red solo cup in one hand and gracefully throwing your head back. Your long hair had revealed the sexy stretch of skin from the column of your throat to your bare shoulders that were all golden from exposure to the sun yet still had the faint smattering of freckles. He couldn’t shift his eyes from your figure.

His gaze was trapped on the sensual picture you had formed on the dance floor, writhing with confidence, and awakening in Taehyung an inexplicable need to hunt you down, throw you over his shoulder and drag you back to his lair to command your body and pleasure it. To undeniably exercise his ownership over you. It had been confusing because for all that Taehyung was a tiger hybrid, he had rarely experienced such an overwhelming need to chase and to hunt, to show that he was an apex predator and the king of the jungle.

Jimin’s eyes had followed the path that Taehyung’s eyes had made, and uttered after a surprised sound of disbelief, “Wow she really is different from ___. Is she even a cat hybrid?”

Taehyung had answered him with annoyance, not daring to shift his eyes from you, fearing that you would disappear in the crowd of the party if he took his eyes off, “She’s a mixed baby. A giraffe and deer hybrid.”

___ had let out an amazed gasp of astonishment, “That sounds like such an interesting pairing. Can I meet her, Taehyung? I wonder what life is like growing up mixed. Even more so, since Jimin and my kittens will be—”

Taehyung barely paid attention to her, his gaze was too focused on the deer hybrid approaching you. “I have to go,” he muttered, setting down his empty bottle of beer on the counter.

“Sure, of course,” hummed ___, “But remember to ask her about a double date, okay!”

This brought the two of you to the present. Taehyung’s eyes narrowed at the memory of that stag who had been sniffing around you. “Do you have a boyfriend, Y/N?”

You started at the abrupt change in conversation. Why would Taehyung ask you such a thing? Had he seen you shift away from Jongin before you had been unceremoniously dragged upstairs by him? “Not that it’s any of your business since we aren’t friends,” you emphasized mercilessly, “But that was my ex Jongin. That’s the last time I’ll date a deer hybrid,” you admitted reluctantly. “The men are so overbearing and territorial. And he can’t accept that we’re broken up since I was the one to break things off and not him.” The last sentence had you huffing in indignation.

“Hmm,” hummed Taehyung thoughtfully, instantly making you suspicious and raising the hairs on your body. “Have you considered a tiger hybrid for your next boyfriend?”

You side-eyed him. What the fuck. “No, I have not Taehyung. Why would you even say something like that? It’s hardly as though you’re trying to get that position.”

Taehyung bared all his teeth threateningly. It hardly could be passed off as a smile. “But what if I were, Y/N?”

“No.” You refused to even think about it and tried to shove past his body to get to the door and out of this confining space.

Taehyung wouldn’t let you escape so easily. He crowded you against the door. Although you had the height, he was still much bigger than you with wide shoulders and a body that was wrapped by hard ropes of lean predator muscle. “I have a proposition. If you pretend to be my girlfriend for a month, I’ll get that meathead to stop bothering you,” He murmured, meeting your wary gaze with his smoldering one, his deep honey colored eyes boring into your chocolate brown ones.

Your eyebrows furrowed as you thought about just how the tiger hybrid would go about making the deer hybrid to back off. “You’re still getting thrills out of intimidating prey hybrids?” you scoffed, “That’s disgusting, Taehyung.”

Taehyung stilled, thrown off for a second, before he once again bared his teeth in the loose semblance of a smile and uttered, “I just meant he’s a Neanderthal. Once he sees how happy and satisfied you were with me, not to mention how I am able to take care of your every need, he’ll take the L and leave you alone.”

You still weren’t sold. “But why do you need a fake girlfriend,” you asked in suspicion. You trusted Taehyung about as far as you could throw him, which was probably only half a yard away.

Taehyung lied to you bald-facedly, the untruth flowing from his tongue so smoothly that you didn’t even catch it, “Same as you. There are too many people who are dying to have a piece of me and it’s honestly distracting. I’m trying to get into to finish a really intensive and time-consuming project for my major. I don’t have time to waste on booty calls.”

“And you would never be tempted to have sex with me?” You asked, your eyes burning a hole into the stretchy fabric of his black and white shirt.

“Never,” agreed Taehyung, lying once again. This time his heart thudded loudly against his chest and he felt a pang that he didn’t want to think about too deeply.

This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution - Non Commercial - No Derivatives 4.0 International License

©OPALJM 2020

[yeoldontknow]

❧ check in tag

tagged by the sweetest angel @propinqxity to do this little tag. this is such a cute list of questions, and some of these i dont think ive been asked before. thank you so much for the tag and the tumblr crush mention lovely. you truly are a bright spot on this website and i mean that sincerely <333

going under a cut because im certain i will ramble ~

1. Why did you choose this url?

its sort of like a pun between yall dont know and the fact that, hopefully, sincerely, chanyeol does not in fact know that i run this blog lmao i changed to this after a long time of being bread-jinie and i wanted to rebrand. i will, however, do my best to never change URLs again because the masterlist switch over was a complete hassle

2. Any sideblogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them

i have a fic recs blog called @yeoldontknowiread. as to why i have it, i know it hasnt been updated in ages since ive been kind of on hiatus, but i think reading and sharing work on this platform is immensely important. i actually read quite a lot of fanfiction, and i try my best to share the things i read. im very very behind on recs at the moment cause i try my best to write something substantial for every recommendation i make. as a writer, i know exactly the kinds of thoughts and feedback on fics that make my heart soar so i try to put in the same energy to my recs. community is only fostered when there is reciprocation

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

hmmm since april 2017. i actually had my 4 year anniversary this year and i did have plans for things but i got roped into real life things and couldnt celebrate the way i truly wanted to :(

4. Do you have a queue tag?

no but sometimes i think i should. i view tags as a library on top of my knee jerk response to things. most of my tags are just my initial thoughts or feelings at any given moment, so those take precedence over a specific queue tag

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

when i was getting into exo, i was reading fanfiction like crazy. i used to write fanfic quite a lot in other fandoms, but at that time i hadnt written anything in about 2.5 years. exo was the first re-introduction to that feeling of excitement and inspiration. after about 3 weeks of straight reading, i decided i wanted to write again. i wrote the prologue to hero in about two hours and tried logging into AO3 to post it. sadly i forgot all of my log in information because it had been years, and was getting frustrated. i really wanted to put it somewhere out of fear that id lose interest if i didnt do something with it, and everything id read had been on tumblr. so i made a tumblr just to put hero lmao i didnt have any mutuals. it was a blog with straight 0. i hadnt even created an account to interact with writers before that moment, i really thought id be a silent reader forever. but exo woke me back up and for that i am eternally grateful.

6. Why did you choose your icon?

the yours music video is...so stunning? like the colour theory throughout the whole thing is truly so inspiring and gorgeous. and this shot of chanyeol looking at the painting took my breath away, truly. tulips and the color of peach, like do you know how evocative that is? ugh

7. Why did you choose your header

my header was made by @jamaisjoons for my birthday this year because shes literally the most talented person when it comes to graphics. and this was so kind of her to do, i cried a lot

8. What's your post with the most notes?

uhm....either the body through time or truth i cant remember which but i checked recently and its one of those

9. How many mutuals do you have?

honestly at this point im not even sure. i know ive lost a bunch while i was on hiatus because i was basically a dead blog, and some people do dash cleanses. and im certain others have left, too, for their own reasons. still, i have a good core of friends though who are active and that is enough for me

10. How many followers do you have?

more than i probably deserve

11. How many people do you follow?

399

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

uhm i guess? there was a time when nng was not updated and every wednesday id post the days go by music video in sadness and grief but im not a big shitposter. if i make a text post its usually a life update or me crying about chanyeol, theres no inbetween lmao

13. How often do you use Tumblr every day?

tbh i havent used tumblr that often, not since march i think. i used to use it many times a day, checking in on friends and stuff, but once i started focusing on my phd applications i was only here sporadically. i didnt make an announcement either, just let my blog run on queue so i wasnt totally gone. i think i was checking in twice a week or maybe once every two weeks to refill my queue and check mentions etc. but now that my interviews are done im trying to get back on here daily to reconnect

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

ive had my share of disagreements with people and any details about those situations shall remain as they are meant to: private

15. How do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts?

in what context? like, you need to reblog this or your wish wont come true? or like, please reblog this to spread the word/spread awareness, etc? in the case for the former, i scroll right by. in the case of the latter, if im around and see someone raising a go fund me or some major event is occurring and i find a post with good sources or charities i will reblog. mostly though, the full extent my activism isnt really on this blog. its my escape from reality. my activism is usually placed on other platforms.

16. Do you like tag games?

i doooo!!! theyre so fun i love learning about my friends

17. do you like ask games?

i love those too! theyre so cute and usually a nice way to have interaction immediacy with people in the community

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

no one. can we please abandon this notion of fame on tumblr? arent we all here to write about some dick and some smut and some fluff and then hang out together and log off? lmao tumblr isnt reality and followers/fame is so arbitrary on this platform, no one has any control over any of it

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

i am in love with so many people here. let me name a few:

@yehet-me-up @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @j-pping @jamaisjoons @inkedtae @kookdiaries @yoonia @dulcetvk @kithtaehyung @imdifferentshadesofpurple @ditzymax @sugaurora @sahmbtsficrecs @junghelioseok @yeojaa @augustbutwinter @joonscore @btssavedmylifeblr @cutechim @sunshinekims @kimtaehyunq @ouvuo @delhyun @exo-stentialism @sooibian @softyoongiionly @jinseunie @zibermuda @bratkook @1kook @luffles424 @xjoonchildx

and so many other people and mutuals that i am certainly forgetting. love is such an expansive feeling, and it encompasses platonic ardor and creative desire. i admire every single person listed for so many different reasons, and cherish and treasure them or what they provide to the community. love is such an important and broad experience. truly, i hope they feel adored every single day x

[saharamae21]

Vapor (Part 18)

Hey guys.... It’s been a while, but happy late thanksgiving. Sorry I meant to update before I went home but here I am. I’m sleep deprieved and stressed but I love ya all. Please let me know if you want this to keep going on.

GIVE ME FEEDBACK - I WANNA KNOW IF YOU GUYS EVEN WANT TO READ THIS STILL

Work count: 1.5K

Warnings: Language, mentions of kidnapping and violence.

IMPORTANT (PLS READ) : There is two ways this fic can go depending on what you guys want. It can go on for about 3-4 more chapters or about 7-10 more chapters. I don’t know if you guys aren’t reading it anymore or if you lost interest, so please let me know.

_________________________________________

I had no sense of time anymore. Everything was a hazy mess as I woke up and fell asleep, constantly under the influence of some sort of drug. I wondered if it had been hours or days. I wondered if anyone was looking for me. I wanted to believe that JJ was spending every waking moment searching for me, but I couldn’t be sure. As the drugs played tricks on my mind, I remembered the look on his face. The way he glared at me caused my heart to sink further and further into my stomach. Ever since I was 12, I just kept disappointing him more and more. And as much as I loved him, I would be lying if I hadn’t thought that me being out of his life was for the best. I brought out the most extreme sides of him, the parts of himself he couldn’t control. I made him contemplate everything he’s ever known. I didn’t want to tear him apart anymore.

I woke up and the room was silent. No lights were on and the walls were moving in a ripple like effect. I could barely see through the darkness, but as the minutes passed, I became more and more coherent. I knew better than to speak out at this point. I knew better than to draw attention back to myself. As the current waves of drugs left my system, my mind wandered back to the pogues.

I wondered if John B had worked out a way to get the gold. I wondered if he and Sarah were happy together. John was always one of those people that you look at and smile. To me, he always had things figured out to an extent. He might not work well under pressure all the time, but he preservers no matter what. I knew that he would thrive no matter what the situation was. The truth was, John and I were never super close. I constantly competed with him for JJ’s attention and that often made us argue. I respected him though for doing the one thing I couldn’t the past few years, protect JJ.

I wondered if Pope had gone to his scholarship interview already. I had no doubts in my mind that he would crush it. He was the smartest person I knew and that was honestly an understatement. Not only was he booksmart, but he was streetsmart as well. He knew how to handle himself in a situation and overcome everything. He might not completely understand social cues, but he was still one of the most friendly souls that I have and will ever meet. If I ever needed anything, he would be the first person I would go to for help.

I wondered if Kiara was holding up. She had her hands full with the three boys. I remembered always being jealous of her as I grew up. She became a kook and they still wanted her around, but when I became a kook, they were so ready to push me away. I wondered what made her special enough to keep around over me, but as I grew closer to them all again I began to realize. She was special. She knew exactly how to handle everyone and keep situations under control. She was also the most caring and genuine person I’ve ever met. I would’ve kept her around over me as well. I hoped she wasn’t trying to pick up the pieces of the mess I caused.

I wondered if JJ cared that I was gone. I wondered if he thought I had disappeared on him again and that this was good riddance. I wondered if he was tearing himself apart. I couldn’t figure out which scenario I wanted more. On one hand, I wanted him to care that I wasn’t by his side right now. I wanted him to tell me he loved me and that nothing would ever hurt me again. However, with that came the guilt. I knew he would be worried sick. I knew that he would blame himself. Then there was the part of me that wished he couldn’t care less about me. The one where his anger gets the better of him and he eliminates me from his mind. He wouldn’t hurt that way. He wouldn’t see me as I slowly unraveled. But, after how long would he begin to lose bits of himself? Would he close himself off to the world again? Even if that did happen, he would have his friends to help him pull through.

I lifted my head once again and my throat felt dry. Nothing had changed since my thoughts ran wild, but something in me had changed. I was preparing to give up. I had reflected on the ones I loved the most and I had made peace with the idea of slipping through their fingers once again. My head was spinning and my body felt heavy. I was thankful for the moments that I had spent reconnecting with them, but this was the full circle ending that my life was destined. I didn’t die like all the children before me even though I was nothing special. Nothing set me apart from those children and I should’ve suffered the same fate. I shouldn’t have to live knowing that I was the one that got away… This was the ending of my full cycle.

JJ’s POV:

I sat awake and thinking about all the horrible things Addie could be going through. I wondered if I should tell her parents. Maybe they would know what to do, but how could I tell them I lost their daughter for a second time? I mentally screamed at myself. I knew that I should be out doing something, anything, but what if she came home while I was away. What if I just messed everything up further? A million thoughts ran through my head at a million miles an hour and I couldn’t keep track of them all. I let out a soft sigh and buried my head into the pillow beside me. How could I live with myself knowing that I kept failing her over and over?

I raised my head at the quiet knock and a small voice. My name left their mouth in a desperate manner. Sarah stood cautiously at the door, staring at me with sad eyes. I knew that none of this was her fault, but anger still filled me when I saw her. Her brother was doing this to Addie. Her family always looked down on people like me. That didn’t mean she was like that though. I saw the way John B and her cared for each other and I was happy for them. I just wasn’t happy at all right now.

“JJ?” she asked again. My eyes met hers and I looked away.

“Go away…” I muttered. My voice cracked as I forced the words out. I knew she was just checking up on me, but I didn’t think there was anything she could say to make me feel better. I was wrong.

“I think I know where Addie could be…” Her words repeated in my mind as I rushed with her to the car. My hands were shaking and I was sweating. I sat in the passenger seat and tried not to lose my cool. I just needed her to drive faster. I needed Addie. When we arrived at the shipping dock, I thought she was pulling my leg. I looked around frantically and saw no sign of A. I was losing my fucking mind without her.

“This way…” Sarah muttered. Her voice was small and scared. I followed her up to a shipping crate. I heard her mumbling about how her parents use this for storage. I heard her, but I wasn’t listening. I started as she fumbled with the keys and opened the doors slowly. The crate was dark, but I could still see perfectly. Addie.

I rushed forward to her and knelt down in front of her. I gently placed my hand on her cheek. Her eyes fluttered open and stared at me. Tears filled my eyes at how weak she looked. I muttered out apology after apology, begging for her to forgive me. I untied her as I pleaded. As soon as her arms were free, she reached forward and lifted my shirt. She said nothing, but she brushed her hand over my closed wound. I broke down at the small action. I told her to stop. I told her to stop worrying about me. I told her I was sorry. It wasn’t enough though. She made herself small around me. She was hurt because of me. I pulled her into my arms, lifting her to carry her to the car. Her small, hoarse voice whispered softly next to my ear.

“I’m sorry,” she said. I hugged her tightly in my arms as if to tell her I would never let her go again.

“No, no, no. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I said back. I rushed to the car, my main focus on getting her somewhere safe. “I love you. I’m sorry.”

_________________________________________________

GIVE ME FEEDBACK - I WANNA KNOW IF YOU GUYS EVEN WANT TO READ THIS STILL

Tag List : @thebendslikebendover @justcallmesams @jellyfishbeansontoast @prejudic3 @jjtheangel @jiaraendgame @obxmxybxnk @waywardbarbie @talksoprettyjjx @bb-tings @agirlwholovescoffee-blog @thoughtsofthestars @outerbankslut @potterheadhollander @baby-pogue @obxlife @queenieloveswriting @rockyyc77 @beth-winchester @outerbongs @sunwardsss @ilovejjmaybank @kaelyn-lobrutto24 @jjmaybankwildtimes @canibeoneofthepogues @raekenliar @jjpogueprincess @casper17 @waywardbabie @iateamoth @judayyyw @drewswannabegirl @maybanksbaby

[justanotheronechicagofan]

Previous Chapter

7. The thing that works

series summary - Will the Halstead brothers be able to reconnect with their sister after 5 years? chapter summary - a worried Hailey visits Jay and finds out more about Madeline Jay Halstead, Hailey Upton TW - Mentions of parental death and missing persons investigation

series masterlist  | main masterlist

Several loud knocks on Jay’s door jerked him from his stillness. 

His phone screen flashed back at him - 22:38 and multiple texts from his partner. 

💬 Hailey :) [23 minutes ago] I'm gonna take your lack of response as a no - I'm coming over

💬 Hailey :) [48 minutes ago] You okay? 

💬 Hailey :) [1hr ago] Wanna grab a beer? I’ll buy ... :) 

Shit  - Considering he doesn’t even know where the past hour is gone, he really isn’t in the mood to see people. Especially people that he can’t hide from. Rubbing his face, he quickly made his way to the door. Before he even has the chance to tell her that he’s fine, his partner makes her way into the apartment, his favourite 6pack in tow. 

“Hails-” “Nope. I get you wanna be alone but that’s just not gonna happen” she says, already putting the beers in the fridge. Knowing he’s already lost this, he sighs and goes to grab the glasses. When he turns, he can’t help but smile seeing her struggling to reach for the whisky. “I got it,” he said, swiftly grabbing it.  “Why’d you put it so high?” she huffs. “Because, someone had a little too much and kept fighting me for more last time, remember?” he patronised with a smile on his face as he poured. He’ll never admit it but there’s a little part of him that left it there because he finds it cute.  She gives him a look but a second later, her eyes crinkle. “Still had that hangover though” laughing in the brightest way.  He chuckled and they clinked their glasses together before falling into a comfortable silence. 

They stand around the counter slowly sipping and although there’s a part of Hailey that wants to know, she decides to just join him in the quiet.  After a while he reveals, “That girl from yesterday. She’s my sister”  She suspected it but it still takes her back. Reigning in the questions popping up in her mind, she just asks “What’s her name?”  “Maddie. Madeline Grace” Jay said with a small smile.  “That’s pretty. It suits her” she said.  “Yeah it does. Mom had it picked out way before she knew she was having a girl” Hailey notices how this is the first time in weeks she’s seen him genuinely smile.  “Oh wow. Prepared lady.”  “Hell no. We were both in high school when Maddie was born - Will was a senior!” Jay laughed. “Total surprise after Mom and Dad went to the cabin for their wedding anniversary.” “Well, that cabin does have views,” she said, remembering when Jay invited Intelligence to Wisconsin in the Summer.  “Yeah. Mom was thrilled. I mean she loved us but I think she always wanted a girl. And man did Maddie have all of us wrapped around her finger, even Dad” Hailey chuckled as the image of a teenage Will and Jay trying to win the affection of a newborn popped in her head.  “What?” Jay smiled holding her gaze. “Just trying to imagine how that went down,” she amused.  “Oh it's exactly like you imagine it. Gets funnier when she got into fairies” “Did you join in?” she asked, holding back the laughter even though she knew the answer would be yes.  “Course I did Hails. Tea parties, playing house, being her horse, serious business.” he listed schooling his face before joining Hailey who was bursting.  “Seriously though, younger me would have loved that” Hailey said once they calmed down.  “Yeah?”  “Mhh. I was more into princesses than fairies but my 12 and 9 year old brothers weren’t as keen. They were good when I wanted to join in playing cops though so guess that came in handy” she joked.  “I guess it did,” Jay smiled, imagining a little Hailey running around. “C’mon what do you wanna ask me?” he said when he saw her debating something in her head.  “Uh- The tv the other night. I looked it up and that film- I mean, was she always into acting?” “Mmm. Was a surprise to me too. I haven’t asked her about it yet but I guess she always did liked to perform” “Perform?” she said, cocking her head.  “Yeah. She’s loved ballet ever since Mom first took her - I think she was like 3 or something. Told me today that she’s training to be one” he replied, proud.  “Really? Jay! That’s amazing!”  “Yeah. I’m so proud of her. I mean, Will and I always knew she would” he beamed.  “You have any photos?” Hailey asked, relieved seeing Jay this happy.  

He came back from the bedroom moments later and handed her a purple file folder decorated around the edge with gem stickers. She first picked up the stack of pictures and as she looked through them, the red haired girl in beautiful costumes grew before her, perfectly poised and always smiling widely at the camera.  “Man, you Halstead’s don’t like to go half way with doing things do you?” Hailey joked, perusing through the several clippings of local papers, the word ‘places’ and ‘wins’ jumping out at her in almost every headline. When she got to the last one, she paused at the date. 

_______________________________________________________________________ Carlisle ballerina wins first place in Youth America Grand Prix | 14 January 2013 Madeline Halstead of Carlisle took first place in the junior classical division of the Youth America Grand Prix Regional Semi-Finals held in Pennsylvania this past weekend. The 13 year old who has trained at the Central Pennsylvania Youth Ballet since the age of 7, performed three variations in front of 5 judges and a full audience. Although the Youth Grand Prix is considered to be the world’s largest ballet competition, this was not the first time Madeline captured a win. Miss Halstead first received gold when she was just 10 years old, going on to place in the top 12 in her category every year at the Philadelphia Semi Finals. The spotlight is on for Madeline as she prepares ahead for the NY Finals in April where she placed third in the same category last year.  _______________________________________________________________________

She furrowed her eyebrows as she flicked back through the articles - the earlier ones were mostly about holiday productions held in local schools but there was at least one for every year starting from 2006. Where were the others?  “That’s the last one,” Jay said, reading her thoughts.  She looked back at him confused, but that’s 5 years ago. He meets her with the same indescribable expression she had witnessed that night at Mollys. Jay bore into her as if he was analyzing her trust, then finally placed a file she didn’t catch the first time round in front of her. She tensed as she instantly recognised the front. A case file. 

_______________________________________________________________________

Carlisle P.D. - Missing Juvenile Report  Name: Madeline Grace Halstead  Age:14. Female. White. 5'4", 93 lbs. Red hair, long.  Last seen: Exiting ballet studio at 21:32 on 6/03/2013 walking towards North Street. Reported: 20:36 on 7/03/2013  Reported by: Robert Louis Davis, MD _______________________________________________________________________

Her breath hitched as she read the first few lines of the report. She looked back at him when she got to the reported time. Why did it take that long to report? Who is Robert? He’s a doctor? And where even is Carlisle? 

Hailey watched as Jay downed his drink and slowly began. 

“When Mom died- She uh went to go live with our aunt in Pennsylvania- cause none of us really could be with Maddie. Me n Mouse, we’d just got back, Dad was drinking and - I mean Will didn’t even come back for the funeral.” Hailey noticed the tinge of blame that was there. A smile touched his eyes as he continued, “But Mads loved it in Carlisle. Mamie, our aunt was Mom’s best friend and um she never had kids but she used to come over all the time and she helped us out a lot when Mom got sick. Mads and Mamie, they’d always call or send pictures and me n Mouse would go whenever we could. Mamie and Rob, they really helped me and Mouse out that first year cause- we were just- ” 

Hailey recognised that look in Jay as he trailed off. She always saw it creep up no matter how hard he tried to hide it. She didn’t know where to take this but she figured that him giving her the case file was his way of an invitation. She asked gently, wanting to bring him back. “Jay. She was walking home?” 

Jay slightly shook, bringing himself back and continued, “Maddie always biked or walked there cause it’s like a 15 minute walk and the towns small, safe. Tree lined streets, I mean the actual studios in a college.”

“And Robert? He didn’t realise?”

“Yeah. I couldn’t even look at him because of it then. But I can’t blame the guy - he got home that night at 2am and then slept cause he’d worked 18 hours. The school didn’t call him and Mamie didn’t pick up when the studio called cause she was out of town. Mads usually went straight there from school so he didn’t even know. Only found out when he went to pick her up. They tried but by the time it got reported it was-”

“Nearly 24 hours gone” Hailey thought aloud. 

“Yeah. Didn’t have anything to work with. The footage of her leaving the studio was the last thing, she didn’t show up on any eyes after. Just disappeared. They put out AMBER alerts and reached out to Chicago and New York cause that’s where me and Will were. They thought maybe she ran away but-” 

“She would have shown up on footage” Hailey finished the sentence.

“Yeah.” Jay breathed out, looking down the empty glass. “That and we knew her. She was so excited for the Finals in NY. Case never closed but after a while -” he shaked his head. Hailey watched his body clench as resentment smouldered his features “Not even a year after, Dad started speaking like she was dead. Like she was with Mom. Haven’t talked to him since” Hailey then witnessed the slight, almost imperceptible change in him, but couldn’t quite place it. He inhaled shakily then breathed out, 

“Thing is -”

“I thought she was dead too” 

It made sense to Hailey now. How her partner always seemed to find the cases involving kids the hardest. How he always went beyond helping out families who lost theirs. She wondered if maybe that’s why he joined Intelligence. If maybe in those late nights he stayed even when all the paperwork was done, he was searching for her. And that look she’d seen that night at Mollys. She could name it now. It was a look she would never be able to fully understand.  And as his escaping tears crumbled the wall away, she moved silently and held him. 

She was going to stay with him tonight. 

                                            💙✨🦋✨💙

Next Chapter 

A/N - The characters belong to Dick Wolf and are from the One Chicago universe he created. A longer chapter featuring Hailey and Jay. This was really difficult for me to write so I hope it turned out okay. Thank you so much to those that are coming along on this story with me :) 

[axwalker]

Now and Then 4: Unrequited

I’m participating in @wackydrabbles and the prompt this week is # 45: “I don’t hate you” and will appear in bold.

Synopsis: Synopsis:   The story of Alexis’s and Drake’s friendship since they met when they were 10 years old until they become roommates after college. (AU)

In this chapter: Lexie tries to reconnect with her father while she deals with her feelings for Drake. 

Warning: Teen angst, A very bad father, Unrequited love. THE CONTENT OF THIS BLOG IS NOT SUITABLE FOR UNDER 18

Word count: 1700 🙈

Tagging wacky drabblers: @texaskitten30​ @bebepac​ @pedudley​ @sirbeepsalot​ @burnsoslow​ @ravenpuff02​ @loveellamae​ @oofchoices​ @emceesynonymroll​

Permatag: @ac27dj​ @twinkle-320​ @kimmiedoo5​ @marshmallowsandfire​ @mskaneko​ @pug-bitch​ @princessleac1​

2012. (17 years old)

Drake parked the Jeep that he had spent all summer repairing in front of Lex's house. While he waited for her, he turned on the radio and raised the volume at AC/DC's You Shook Me All Night Long. On his rear mirror, he saw Lexie leaving her house with a cherry Pop-Tart in her mouth, and her backpack half-opened; she was tying up her hair in a messy bun as she approached his car.

"The alarm didn't sound again?" Drake asked teasingly when she got into the car.

"It did." She chewed the last bit of Pop-Tart. "I got in an argument with my mom. My dad wants to see me, but she doesn't want me to go."

Drake frowned. "Out of the blue? Isn't that a little weird?"

"It's for my birthday, Drake."

"Lex, your birthday was more than two weeks ago."

"He was busy. He said he tried to call me, but you know this thing never works," Lexie said, pointing at her old cellphone.

Call me, Maybe start playing on the radio. She smiled mischievously.

Drake rolled his eyes, "Don't you dare, Lex."

Lexie looked at him mockingly and raised the volume.

"Just don't do the dance, please don't do the dance," he pleaded, knowing that it was pointless.

"Do you mean this dance?" she grinned as she sang along with the radio, dancing and mimicking the song's dance moves with her hands.

"You're such a dork." Drake chuckled.  

Lexie laughed. "Come on, Walker, I know you want to too." She kept singing. "Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy …" She threw Drake a mischievous look and pointed finger guns at him.

"… But here's my number, so call me maybe," Drake talked more than sang as he shook his head smiling. They both burst into laughter.

When the song ended, Drake lowered the volume and asked, "Are you going to see him?"

"My dad? Well … maybe …" She bit her lip.

He saw the gesture. "What?"

"I thought that maybe you could come with me?"

"Hard pass."

"Please, Drake! I really want to see him, but it's been a while. Plus, Cindy and Sean will be there too, they make me so nervous." Lexie grimaced at the thought of her stepmother and stepbrother.

Drake had never met George O'Brien. In their six years of friendship, Lexie's father had called her for her birthday a total of three times -always late- and she rarely saw him. Drake loathed the guy, but for some reason, Lexie was desperate to reconnect with him. Drake couldn't understand, if Bianca came back, he wouldn't even give her the time of day.

"If Elena doesn't want you to see him, she must have her reasons," Drake said as he parked the car.

"Dad was a crappy husband, but he loves me; he wants to have a relationship with me." She sighed. "You don't have to come if you don't want to, though."

Drake detected the hint of vulnerability in her voice. "Don't worry, Lex; I'll be there. When is it?"

"Tonight," Alexis replied as they walked to the school.

"Shit! I had a date with Haley."

The mention of Drake's girlfriend made Lexie nauseous. She had been unsuccessfully fighting her feelings for Drake for over a year. As much as she tried, she couldn't avoid the flip on her stomach when she saw him, or her heart racing every time he smiled at her.

"I know. I tried to change the day, but he refused."

"It's okay, Lex. I'll talk to Haley; I can always find ways to make it up to her later." Drake smiled.

"Eww! Disgusting, Walker”.  

"Drake!" Haley yelled with her sickly-sweet tone of voice

Alexis rolled her eyes. “And that's my cue to leave.”

“You could give her a chance, you know? She’s nice.”

“Right. See you at lunch?"

"Yeah.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The rest of the morning passed quickly. At lunch, Lexie threw a glance towards her regular table in the cafeteria. Liam, Olivia, and Max were talking while Haley and Drake were kissing each other. Alexis wondered if there ever came out for air. She was about to leave the cafeteria with an empty stomach when Max yelled her name.

Shit. Lexie waved back and sat next to Max across the two happy couples. She slammed her tray on the table, crashing it against Drake's.

"Is everything alright, Lexie?" Liam asked.

"Yeah," Lexie answered angrily.

Olivia and Max exchanged a look. They knew perfectly what the problem was.

"Penelope is having a party Sunday night. Would you like to come? She has a pool," Haley said, smiling.

"Sunday is GOT night, and we all watch it at Li's house, sorry," Lexie said dismissively.

Drake glared at her.

"You can come too; It's actually pretty fun," Liam invited Haley before Olivia could kick him under the table.

"What's GOT?" Haley asked.

Drake was about to answer, but Lexie beat him to it. "Are you serious? Game of Thrones. Best show ever," she replied, annoyed.

"Oh! I hate it!' Haley grimaced. "So much blood and killing. Totally a boy's show."

Lexie snapped at her, "I guess Liv and I didn't realize that we needed a penis to watch a TV show. Maybe, you can give us a list of the things girls are supposed to like." When she saw Haley blushing embarrassed, Lexie knew she had gone too far. She bit her lip, ashamed of herself.  

Drake shot her a furious look and stood up from the table. "Come on, Haley. We have Algebra in 10 minutes."

Oliva smirked. "Remind me not to piss you off."

"What? She was sexist!" Lexie defended herself.

"Right, that's why you scolded her, feminism," Maxwell laughed. “Nothing to do with Dr-” Max stopped talking when Lexie elbowed him. Liam didn’t know anything.

"Why do you dislike her so much?" Liam asked before finishing his cheeseburger.

"I don't. I have to go; I have class too." She left in a hurry. She was feeling angry and frustrated, specially with herself.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After class, she ran to the locker rooms to change for Gym when she stumbled upon Haley.

"I was looking for you," Haley said, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"I'm sorry, Haley I have Gym like in five minutes," Lexie replied, trying to be more agreeable than she was at lunch.

"It's going to be fast. I just wanted to tell you that I'd like it if we could be friends. I know you hate me, but I think you're cool, and it would be best for Drake if we all got along."

Haley was a tall, green-eyed gorgeous blond. As if that wasn't threatening enough, she was kind and friendly too.

Lexie sighed. "I don't hate you. I'm sorry about this morning, that wasn't about you." Or not entirely.

"It's fine." Haley gave her a perfect smile. "I know Drake loves Game of Thrones. Would you explain it to me? So, I can watch it with him?"

Lexie suppressed her urge to roll her eyes. "You don't have to like it only because he does, you know?" Trying to make amends for her earlier behavior, she added, "but, if you want to, yeah, I'll explain it."

Haley almost jumped. "Thank you, Lex."

"Uhm, only Drake calls me Lex," she said but added apologetically, "but you can call me Lexie if you want though, all my friends do."

"Got it, thanks, Lexie. I better run; I have class too." Haley waved her god-bye.

Lexie was about to enter the gym when she got a text message from her father. It turned out that he couldn't have dinner that night, but he asked her to go to his lawyer's office and sign some papers related to her grandfather's inheritance next week. That was the real reason he wanted to see her, not to reconnect with her. Elena was right about him.

After typing a quick text to Drake telling him that he was free for his date, Lexie decided to skip Gym, she wasn't in the mood. She walked around for a while until she reached the football field. She sat on the stands with a framed photo of her father in her hands, she had planned to give it to him that night as a gift. In the picture, she was 8 years old and was looking at her father adoringly as they decorated a Christmas tree. Lexie hated to cry but couldn't help herself. Everything in her life was upside down. A father that didn't love her and a crush that would never be anything else. Lexie was well aware that Drake only saw her as his best friend.

"Lex," Drake said, startling her.

Lexie tried to wipe the tears off her face so he wouldn't see them. "What are you doing here? I thought you had a date."

"You're worried about Haley now?" He said, handing her a Coke, her comfort drink.

"Hey! I apologized!" Lexie exclaimed after taking a sip of the drink.

Drake chuckled. "Yeah, only because she went looking for you."

"Can we count this as a win? I apologized to one of your girlfriends, that's unheard of."

"You're so damn stubborn that yes; we'll count this as a win." He couldn't explain it, but Drake sort of liked how possessive Lexie was with him.

They sat in silence for a moment. Drake had seen her crying when he sat next to her, but he knew his best friend better than anyone, she needed a little space before talking about her problems.

After a while, he finally asked, "Are you okay, Lex?"

"Uh-huh," she replied.

"Lex, look at me."

Her big brown eyes looked up to him. Drake's heart tightened with her sadness. "He's not worth it. You know it, right?" He put his arm around her shoulders. “If he doesn’t appreciate to have a daughter like you, then he’s a piece of crap.”

"He's my dad. He's supposed to love me no matter what," Lexie cried despite herself. "If he doesn't, who will?"

"I'm always going to be here, Lex. No matter what."

She looked at him. "You say that now, but you will fall in love and forget all about me."

Drake raised her chin with his fingers, she almost melted when she met his deep gaze. "Never. No matter what happens you’ll always be my best friend Lex." He placed a friendly kiss on her forehead. "I swear.”

“Me too,” she answered sadly as she placed her head on his shoulder.

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Riding High Ch 22 : Reconnecting

Chapter Summary: Fliss and Frank both move to put recent events behind them, but Mary isn’t quite as forgiving…

Chapter Warnings: Bad Language words. SMUT (NSFW) NO UNDER 18s!!!

Chapter Pairings:  Frank Adler x OFC Fliss Gallagher

A/N: Ok, I’m sorry I upset you with the last chapter…

Chapter Song:  Slide Away by Oasis

Series Masterlist // Main Masterlist 

Now that you’re mine, we’ll find a way of chasing the sun. Let me be the one, that shines with you…in the morning, we don’t know what to do. We’re two of a kind, we’ll find a way to do what we’ve done…let me be the one, that shines with you and we can slide away.

Fliss hardly spoke a word on the drive back to the apartment. She held onto Frank's hand, gently cradling it in her lap when he wasn't using it, her eyes fixed out of the windscreen of the truck, Thor sat on the seat next to her nearest the door. Frank didn't bother making small talk, there was no need. The silence wasn't awkward, so bar asking her if she was hungry, to which she smiled and replied that she was just tired, he left her to it. He parked up and they all jumped out, Thor heading up the familiar tread path on the lawn in front of them. Frank gently took Fliss' hand and they walked up the steps where he opened the door and let her in. He followed her into the living room where she stopped and looked around, a soft smile on her face. "Better than the annex." She said, looking at him "it felt so lonely and...I dunno actually." "That's because it's not your home anymore." Frank said gently "your home is here." She stepped towards him and slid her arms round him, slipping them through his open white and blue checked shirt, pressing her cheek to his chest, nuzzling into his white t-shirt. He gently placed his hands on her back, holding her close and dropped a kiss to her head. After a moment or so she pulled back and looked up at him. "Sure you don't want eats?" He asked, "Coz I'm getting kinda hungry." She pondered for a moment "not really. But if you get pizza I might steal a slice." Frank gave a chuckle "ok, I'll order in." She gave a smile and then stepped back, her left hand going to her right shoulder as she gently rolled it back, grimacing slightly, the movement didn't go unnoticed. "You ok?" Frank frowned "Your shoulder bad again?" "A little. I jarred it a few days back." She said "How?" "I err..." she took a deep breath "I had a nightmare and fell out of bed. Landed a little awkwardly" Frank watched her for a moment, for the first time really taking in how exhausted she looked. She clearly hadn't been sleeping well either. "Sweetheart, why don't you take a bath?" He looked at her "Go relax whilst I order us some food." "I'd like that." She smiled. "I'll, err...go... "You don't need to ask." Frank shook his head, looking at her. "You're not a guest. You live here." "I know. I just..." she sighed "I left.”

“And now you’re back.” “I know, honestly, I'll be ok after a good sleep. I promise." She leaned up to give him a kiss before she headed down to the bathroom. Frank watched her go before he retrieved 2 beers from the fridge, rubbing slightly at his eyes. It felt a little well, not awkward, but almost tentative, like they were both slightly unsure of how to play the situation out. But then again, he supposed, until things settled back down that was to be expected. "Frank?" He heard her calling and he pushed off the counter, taking a beer with him as he headed to see what she wanted. "I err...did you get rid of my stuff? I don't mind if you did I just..." she looked at him, her hands fiddling with one another as she asked him nervously.

Shit. "No, it's all in the cabinet." He said, handing her the beer before he bent down to pull out the wicker basket out. There was a moments silence as he set it on the side. "I just..” he trailed off as he looked at her. “None of the rest of your stuff has moved. All your clothes and..." "Frank." She said softly, touching his arm "You don't need to explain. I get it." There was another moment of silence before Frank couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to hold her, feel her and assure her they were going to be ok. He reached out, his arm curling it round her waist and he pulled her to him, pressing his lips to hers. His free hand slid up her back and gently cupped the back of her head, keeping her face pressed to his as he deepened the kiss slightly, his tongue sliding into her mouth. She pressed against him, a soft sigh escaping her as she let him lead before he pulled back, his head pressing to hers, both slightly breathless. "Think I am kinda hungry after all." She smiled and he gave a chuckle. "I'll order a large then...and a portion of fries each." He smiled, nodding to the beer "I've no wine though so..." "Beer is fine." She smiled softly. He gave her another quick kiss before he turned for the door and left her to it. He called through their order before he changed into a pair of sweats and a clean t-shirt before he headed back into the lounge and sat down on the sofa, flicking the TV on. Fred glanced up from his spot on the windowsill as Thor circled slightly before he flopped down on the rug, his tail thumping lazily against the floor as he let out a loud yawn. "You and me both Pal..." Frank said, mimicking the dog with a large yawn of his own as he nestled further back into the cushions. He was relaxed, and for the first time in over a week he actually felt like he was home, despite the fact he had never left. Half an hour or so later their food arrived and he carried it through to the kitchen before he made his way to the bathroom. Poking his head through the door he smiled as Fliss was led, surrounded by bubbles, eyes closed, her long hair piled up on top of her head. "Lissy, food's here." He said gently. She turned to look at him and smiled. "I'll be right there." He flashed her a wink and headed back out of the bathroom. After a moment or two Fliss climbed out of the bath and wrapping a towel around herself headed into the bedroom. Flicking on the lamp by her side of the bed she glanced around. Nothing had changed, Frank was right. Thor’s bed still lay in the corner of the room, the cushions were still on the made bed…all except one thing. The photo of her and Mary that normally sat on Frank’s night stand was face down. Fliss gently walked towards it and reached out, hesitating slightly, before she blinked back her tears and set the photo back correctly before she sat down on the bed.

She’d fucked up, big time. She realised that now. How she had thought keeping the threat from him was the best thing to do she had no idea. But then again, she hadn’t been thinking at all really had she. Her dad was right, she’d been fucking stupid. Rolling her shoulder again she took a deep breath and made her way over to the dresser, pulling out one of her sleep sets. As she dried off and pulled it on, she yawned and realised how fucking drained she was, both physically and mentally. Over the past 10 days she’d probably managed an average of 4 hours sleep a night and after the emotion of the last 24 hours or so, she was utterly wiped. She bit her lip, before she made a decision and reached for her phone which was charging on her nightstand. First off she fired a message to Joanne telling her she wouldn’t be working tomorrow, explaining that she was back with Frank and they needed to take some time together. Joanne replied almost instantly telling her she would contact her client’s first thing to explain and re-arrange. Then she messaged her dad telling him she had gone home and she would call him in the morning.

Bill replied with a single word. ‘Good.’ She placed her phone back down, pulled her hair out of the messy pile on her head and into a neat braid before she headed out of the room.

Frank, who was just finishing his first slice, looked up as she walked in, smiling at her as she flopped down next to him, tucking her legs underneath her and reached for a piece of pizza. "Franco's?" She asked, taking a bite. "Dur." They sat eating, watching the TV, as if the past 10 days had never happened. Deep down Frank wasn’t naive enough to believe that everything would simply go back to normal but it was already feeling a million miles away from when they had first entered the apartment little over an hour ago. He knew that the 2 of them would need to work through their little blip but he was confident they would. Whilst he was still frustrated at her, he understood her reasoning and in a strange, unexplainable way he almost loved her more for it. That she has been willing to sacrifice her own happiness, surrender control of her life again to that ass hole to keep him and Mary safe.

When they had finished eating Frank cleared the boxes away, grabbed them both another beer and sat down. Fliss extended her legs down the sofa, her feet resting in his lap and his hand gently curled around her leg, thumb skating the bare skin of her shinbone.

“What time are you working tomorrow?” he asked.

“I’m not.” she shook her head “I cancelled before. I’m exhausted and, well, to be honest I thought us spending some time together was more important.”

Frank smiled at her “When Mary’s back from Roberta’s, how about we go out for the afternoon?” “We could go to the Alligator Attraction place she’s been talking about since that guy came to the Guides to give them a talk.” Fliss suggested and Frank nodded.

“Yeah, she’ll like that.”

Plans made, they fell once more into silence, their attention on the latest episode of Rick and Morty. Frank chuckled along and just as it ended he cast his eyes to Fliss and gave a soft smile as he realised she’d fallen asleep. Gently, he moved her legs and placed them down on the cushion as he stood up to let Thor out and make sure all the doors were locked. When he came back, she had rolled onto her side, still asleep.

“Lissy?” he crouched down at the side of the sofa, hand reaching out to tuck her hair behind her ear. “Sweetheart, you wanna come to bed?” She murmured something and nodded slightly. With a smile he hooked his arms round her, one under her back, the other under her legs and lifted her up. She nuzzled into him, her arms curling around his neck as he carried her into the bedroom and gently set her down, pulling the duvet around her. She shifted slightly onto her side, leaving herself facing his side of the bed. He dropped his phone onto this bedside table and noticed that the photo he had slammed down in a rage had been set the right way up. She must have set it right before when she was getting changed. Thankfully, the glass was still intact. With a soft sigh he stripped off to his boxers before he slipped into bed besides Fliss, Thor getting himself comfy in his basket with Fred happily curling up alongside the dog seeing as Mary wasn’t around. Frank lay still for a moment, simply watching his girl sleep before he himself felt the tendrils of tiredness tugging at him. Shifting slightly so that his arm softly dropped over her waist he closed his eyes and allowed himself to slip under.

***** “No..I’m sorry, I said…”

Frank heard Fliss’s voice and he blinked slightly, her anxious protests pulling him from his sleep. It was still pitch black outside and his eyes struggled to focus slightly, but when he did he saw Fliss’ face was contorted into an expression of fear, her eyes still screwed shut as she continued to mutter in her sleep, her voice getting louder. She was clearly in the throes of a nightmare.

“Liss…” his voice croaked, deep with sleep. “Hey, baby, come on…” He gently shook her, hand on her waist and she jerked awake, eyes wide, sitting bolt upright in bed.

“Hey, hey…” he sat up, gently reaching out for her.

“Frank?” she turned towards him, her eyes wide and shining in the dim light as she blinked gaining her focus.

“It’s ok…you were just dreaming…” he said. She took a deep breath and he wrapped his arms around her, the pair of them gently sliding back down.

“Sorry, I…” she swallowed, pressing her face into his bare chest as his hands ran up and down her back. “I didn’t mean to wake you…” “It’s ok…” he said softly “Wanna talk about it?” “Just…it’s been the same one for a few days.” she swallowed “Just him and…” “Well he’s not here now.” Frank said softly as her breathing began to regulate, her arms curling around him.

“I’m sorry.” she said gently. “I really am, I should…I should have…” “Liss…” he said, pulling back slightly to look at her “Stop apologising. I know you’re sorry, and so am I ok?” “You’ve nothing to be sorry for.” she sniffed gently and he took a deep breath.

“I shouted, I lost my temper…” “Which you were entitled to do…” “Maybe, but like I’ve always told Mary, you should never stay angry if you can help it.”

She fell silent for a moment before she tipped her head up to his and caught his lips in a soft kiss. She pulled back for a second or two before she pressed her mouth back to his, seeking him out, this time her actions slightly more urgent and he let her lead, let her set the pace, his strong arms simply holding her close. Fliss rolled onto her back, and he went with her, his body leaning over hers, arms still cradling her as she kissed him with such an intensity it was sending every single nerve on his body into a frenzy.

“I missed you…” she whispered into his mouth and he let out a groan.

“I missed you too…” he said, his lips back on hers as her hands carefully slid up his back, dancing across the muscles of his shoulder before she moved her mouth, soft kisses peppered across his jaw and down his neck. Frank closed his eyes, the touch of her mouth on his skin sending him sky high  and his breath caught in his throat as she moved slightly, her lips back on his. The kiss was blazing, doing nothing to help the ache he was feeling for her, and he was trying his best to hold back, to let her take control but he couldn’t stand it any longer.

His hands reached down to her hips, grasping the vest top and Fliss moved allowing him to pull it up over her head before his lips crashed back to hers with an urgency which she met back movement for movement. Frank shifted so he was completely led over her, his hands and legs caging her between him as he gently brushed his lips over her jaw, to her neck, and then moved himself downwards, taking his time and lavishing affection all the way down her body as his hands gently parted her legs. His nose skimmed below her bellybutton and he placed a soft kiss onto her tummy before he felt her tugging on his hair.

“Frankie, I want you…” she said, her voice leaving him in absolutely no doubt as to what it was she was asking. Gently he pulled down her sleep shorts and discarded his boxers before he kissed his way back up, all the way to her sternum before he gently stroked his thumbs over each of her nipples which were pebbled in anticipation. Fliss arched her back, inhaling sharply as her groin bumped against his. Frank gave a low grumble which rose from the depth of his throat as she twitched underneath him, pressed up against where she needed him most. Taking her hands in his, his thumbs skated over her knuckles before he interlocked their fingers and pressed her hands down on the pillow next to her head.

"I love you so much Cowgirl." he mumbled leaning down and running his nose alongside hers before kissing her deeply.

"I love you too Sailor." she responded holding eye contact with him as he slowly slid inside her in a gentle, fluid moment, eliciting a moan from them both as Fliss lay back. His mouth found hers again and he kissed her passionately as he started to roll his hips, driving into her deeply, slowly, his bottom lip nibbling on hers. Fliss rolled her hips up taking him deeper, moans and gasps slipping freely into each other’s mouths as he slowly built up his rhythm, his fingers curling around hers tightly as he watched her, felt her, shudder as he hit her spot again and again with every thrust of his hips until she was writhing underneath him, begging him not to stop.

Whether it was the fact they’d been apart for over a week, or simply the pure emotion of the last 24 hours or so, Frank had no idea, but to him it felt like the most intense love they had ever made. Every single brush of her skin against his, each little grind of his hips, each stroke and glide he made left him completely and utterly confounded, lost in his unadulterated love for the woman underneath him.

When they both fell apart completely immersed in one another, cries of names and curses tumbling from lips, Fliss happily welcomed his weight on top of her as he caught his breath, both of them trembling in the afterglow as he pressed his forehead to hers, gently kissing her nose.

“Ok?” he asked her softly, finally releasing her hands. She flexed her fingers and gently slid her hands round his back, nails softy skating against his skin and Frank closed his eyes in bliss at the feeling it was sparking from his already heightened senses. She nodded, her eyes flickering shut before they opened again and she gave him a soft smile.

The first glimmer of daylight was beginning to break outside as they simply lay there for a while, neither speaking, utterly wrapped up in one another, but eventually Frank gathered enough about him to roll himself to the side where Fliss immediately curled up into his chest. He pressed a soft kiss to her head and closed his eyes, listening to her breathing as it evened out.

***** Frank woke a few hours later, the room now light as the October sun crept through the various spaces in the shutters. He stretched out, smiling as he turned and glanced at Fliss who was flat out next to him on her stomach, her arms folded underneath her pillow. Dropping a soft kiss to her head he swung his legs out of bed, his feet falling flat on the floor whilst he gave a yawn and glanced at his phone, raising his eyebrows as he realised it was almost half 10. Silently he stood up, pulled on his boxers and headed to the kitchen, Thor following him eagerly, clearly dying to get outside.

Leaning against the counter he watched as the dog cocked his leg and peed against a bush by the path, his usual pee spot, whilst the coffee brewed behind him. He knew Thor wouldn’t go far, despite the lack of fencing to keep him in so leaving him to his normal morning sniff around, he tossed some bread into the toaster and poured himself a mug of coffee. Almost as if she could smell it, which in fairness she probably could, Fliss padded into the kitchen, yawning slightly, giving Frank a smile.

“Morning baby.” he said, dropping a kiss to her cheek “You want any toast?” She nodded, reaching behind him to grab a mug “I’m starving.”

Frank gently took the mug from her, poured her a coffee whilst she grabbed herself the creamer and orange juice from the fridge. She frowned at the lack of contents, and Frank watched as she straightened up.

“Don’t” he warned her, teasingly and she shrugged giving a snort.

“We need to go shopping.”

“We can go later.” he said as she fixed her coffee how she liked it and then watched as Thor was now rolling on his back in the grass.

“Do you want me to book the tickets to the animal place online?” she turned to him and Frank pondered for a moment.

“Let’s see what Mary says first.” he said.

“Sure.” Fliss said, her eyes flickering down to the floor “She might not want to go…especially not with me.”

“She’ll come round.” Frank assured “I know her. She’ll have her say and then…well, we move on.” “That simple huh?” Fliss looked at him, as his attention turned to the toast that had popped up.

“That simple” he nodded, pulling it out and dropping it to the board on the counter, before he turned to the fridge for the butter.

Whilst he made their breakfast Fliss dug out the dog food for Thor which was still in the cupboard, along with his food bowl, his water one having returned to its normal place the night before. Upon hearing the noise of his food hitting his metal dish, the dog came lolling back inside and Fred also appeared, looking up at Frank and winding himself between his legs.

“Get out of it Fred…” he grumbled as Fliss chuckled, bending over to pick the ginger cat up.

“Ignore him Freddy.” she said, scratching his ears causing the cat to purr loudly “He loves you really…” Frank rolled his eyes before he slid the plate of toast over the counter. Fliss set Fred on the floor, picked up her plate and the two of them headed into the lounge with their breakfast. Once they had both eaten and had another cup of coffee, Frank showered, dressed casully in a pair of sweats and a blue t-shirt and then headed over to Roberta’s, Thor trotting behind him as he went to collect Mary.

“She behaved?” he asked Roberta as Mary came bounding out of the house.

“She always behaves…” Roberta said.

“Sure she does…” Frank looked at the woman, before he looked at Mary, eye brow raised.

“I do for Roberta.” Mary shrugged. Frank gave a snort, before Mary frowned. “Why is Thor here?” “Because Fliss is at the apartment.” he said gently.

“You two sorted things out?” Roberta asked and he glanced over at her.

“Yeah, we’re ok.” he said, smiling.

“Good.” Roberta folded her arms and she looked at Mary who was scowling “Sort your face out, young lady…” Mary glared at her as she scratched at Thor’s ears, before she turned to Frank and looked at him. “So you’ve forgiven her for leaving?”

“Yeah.” he said, looking at her “I have. And I’m hoping you can do the same.”

Mary didn’t reply, she simply shrugged.

“Good luck with that.” Roberta said, snorting. Frank looked at her, rolled his eyes and thanked her again before he gently dropped his hand to the back of Mary’s head, guiding her back to the apartment.

“Listen, Stack…” he stopped just outside and crouched down to face her. “I know you’re angry and upset, and you have every right to be. But Fliss left because she didn’t know what else to do. She’s gonna try and explain to you as best she can ok but…you need to listen to her, think you can do that for me?”

Mary looked at him, her head cocking to one side before she gave a soft sigh “ok.”

“Thank you.” he said, dropping a kiss to her head as he stood up. She headed up the steps in front of him and walked into the house, heading straight into the living room. Fliss looked up from where she was sat on the sofa.

“Hi…” she began, but Mary cut her off.

“Let’s hear it then.” she demanded, flopping onto the chair opposite Fliss, arms folded. “Why did you leave?”

Fliss took a deep breath and looked at Frank who simply nodded at her. She swallowed and looked at Mary, the girls large, blue eyes studying her face.

“Do you remember Frank telling you about my ex-husband? How he was in prison but he got let out?” Mary nodded.

“Fliss moved away from Boston for a reason Mary.” Frank took over, sitting next to Fliss, leaning forward, his body language open as it always was when he spoke to his niece “To get away from him and everyone when he went to prison. But since he got released, well he’s been sending her things.” “Last week he sent me something that made me worry that if I stayed here you and Frank could be in danger” Fliss looked at her.

“What do you mean, danger?”

“It’s an empty threat.” Frank said, “He won’t, and can’t do anything, but Fliss got scared…same way you’re scared of snakes getting into your bed…even though there’s like zero chance of that happening. Not with Fred on patrol…” Mary frowned slightly, before she looked back to Fliss “So you didn’t want to leave?” “No, baby, of course I didn’t…” Fliss said as she stood up. She dropped to her knees in front of Mary and looked up at the girl. “I’ve never wanted to do anything less but I honestly thought I was doing the right thing. But I wasn’t…”

Fliss bowed her head “I should have told Frank, not tried to deal with it all on my own. I hurt you, I hurt Frank and I was wrong…” she looked up at Mary, “I’m so sorry sweetheart.”

“So are you back now?”

“If that’s ok?” Fliss asked “If not, then I can stay at the Annex and just come over a few nights a week, like I did before I moved in.” Mary looked at her, then to Frank, then back to Fliss before she shrugged “Maybe. I’ll think about it.”

Frank made as if to speak but Fliss held her hand up, telling him to stop.

“Thank you.” she said and Mary nodded as Fliss stood up. She looked at Frank who was perched on the sofa watching Mary carefully. He licked his lips and glanced at Fliss who gave him a smile.

“Ok, so…now that’s kind of sorted…” Frank spoke, and Mary looked at him. “Fliss thought you might like to go to the Alligator Attraction place.” “No, I mean yes, please, can we?” Mary looked at him, her eyes wide with excitement “I’ve wanted to go for weeks.” “Don’t you need time to think about that too?” Frank teased and Mary stood up rolling her eyes.

“You’re not funny, Frank…” she sing-songed at him as she made her way to the door “I’ll go grab my stuff…you two better change, you can’t go dressed like that.” Frank glanced down at his outfit, then to Fliss who was still in her pyjamas.

“Guess she has a point.” he chuckled, pulling Fliss down onto his lap. “You ok?” “Yeah, yeah I’m good.” she said, giving him a quick kiss “But I have a feeling if we keep her waiting I won’t be.”

******

The Alligator Attraction tuned out to be pretty fun. They spent the entire afternoon walking around viewing the 50 plus gators, the other reptiles and small mammals that the centre cared for, Mary taking particular liking to a sloth which was hanging around on a branch in one of the areas they walked into. She also enjoyed feeding the small alligators whilst standing on a bridge over the pool they were kept in, dangling small pieces of meat into the water using metal rod. It was perfect for her as she could ask questions to her curious, little heart’s content, their guide answering her expertly, smiling at her as she gabbled on and on. Her favourite bit, however, was when she got to handle a small gator, one that was less than a week old. Her eyes wide, she had gently cupped the animal and grinned, turning her face up to Frank.

“No.” he said, snorting “You can’t have one.” “Dur.” she rolled her eyes “I know that, it would eat Fred and probably Thor. Maybe you.” she shrugged

“Glad to see where I come on your list of priorities.” he snorted and Fliss laughed as she simply shrugged.

After giving Mary twenty bucks to spend in the gift shop, which she took ages over, they headed back to the truck, Mary’s hand linked into Frank’s as they walked, the bag containing the books and activity packs she’d picked in his other. To Fliss’ surprise, and delight, Mary reached up and took her hand too, and Frank glanced over at Fliss, giving her a wink.

“So….” Frank spoke as they got to the car “I was thinking…what about McDonald’s for tea?” “Mmmm.” Mary made a face, and Frank’s eyebrow raised at the fact she was turning down a Happy Meal.

“You want something else?” Fliss asked her.

“Could you make us my salad?” she asked, “Frank really can’t cook and I’m sick of burgers.” Fliss gave a chuckle and ruffled her hair as Frank scoffed, folding his arms.

“Rude.” he mumbled.

“True.” Mary looked at him.

“Get in the truck.” he said, pointing in, mock anger on his face. She grinned at him and slid into the middle seat as Frank looked at Fliss over the roof. “Well, suppose we better go shopping.”

An hour later they were walking back up to the apartment, laden with bags. Mary spotted Roberta and in typical Mary style immediately invited her over for dinner. The woman began to protest at first until Fliss eagerly assured her it was fine.

As Fliss bustled about in the kitchen, Frank and Mary were sat on the floor by the coffee table looking at some of the stuff Mary had bought from the shop before. Roberta wandered into the kitchen and watched Fliss for a second before she spoke.

“Can I help or…”

“If you don’t mind, you could slice the pears?” Fliss asked, nodding to the pack that was on the side, “Just into rough slices.”

“Sure.” Roberta smiled, reaching over for a knife. “How as Mary this afternoon?” Understanding what she was asking, Fliss took a deep breath “She was ok. She listened, I hope I explained well enough but… I did her wrong and it’s gonna take a bit of time I suppose.” “Well, she seems ok now.” Roberta said, chopping the fruit “And the fact you’re still here means she ain’t kicked up too much of a fuss.”

“Yeah, she said she was going to think about whether I could stay or not.” Fliss smiled, gently opening the oven to check on the chicken as Roberta gave a snort.

“She’s a little madam…” she said, shaking her head.

“She’s great.” Fliss said fondly before she felt herself tearing up slightly.

“Oh, honey…” Roberta said, with a sigh as she placed the knife down and moved to pull Fliss into a hug “It’ll work out…” “I know, I just…” Fliss took a deep breath “I can’t help feeling bad about what I did…”

“Frank told me why you left.” Roberta soothed her, “And I’ll tell you exactly what I told him…” she pulled back, allowing Fliss to wipe at her face before she locked eyes with her “Maybe the way you did it wasn’t ideal but, well, I understand why. When you love someone so much you’ll do anything to keep them safe, just like he did.” Fliss nodded, giving a small smile as Roberta squeezed her arm “I’ve never seen him, or that little girl as happy as they are with you, in the entire 7 years I’ve known them. The two of you just work, and I know that you’ll get through this. You just might need a little bit of patience.” “Thanks Roberta…” Fliss smiled at her, nodding before the older woman gave her a last smile, before they both turned back prepped the salad, Fliss tossing the chopped ingredients into a bowl before Roberta handed her the dressing at the same time she pulled the wine bottle from the fridge.

“Time for a refill?”

Fliss gave a laugh and smiled as Roberta topped up both their glasses.

“Any cooking going on in here or just drinking?” Frank asked, leaning in the doorway.

“Oh hush.” Roberta looked at him, “We’re women, we can multitask.”

“That so?” he teased, heading to the fridge for a beer. “Bet you can’t do this though…” He popped the lid off his beer before tossing it in the air and catching it expertly on the back of his hand.

“Wow…I’m sure that’s a skill you’ll need to use in life again and again.” Roberta deadpanned as Fliss laughed. Frank arched an eyebrow at her as the woman pushed past him in the doorway, giving him a significant look as she headed to find Mary. Frank watched Fliss as she began to toss the dressing through the salad slightly, stepping forward he placed his beer down and wrapped his arms round her from behind. He dropped a soft kiss to her neck and stayed pressed to her as she finished off the salad with the blue cheese and walnuts.

“You’re gonna need to move.” she said gently, and he shook his head.

“Nope. I’m good here…” “It wasn’t a request.” Fliss chuckled as she turned to face him, his hands resting on counter behind her, trapping her between him and the kitchen surface.

“Cost ya.” he shrugged. “What?”

He arched an eyebrow and she grinned, leaning up to place a kiss on his lips before she gently pushed his chest.

“I’ll burn the chicken…” she said and he grinned, stepping to the side to let her move out from before him and pull the tray out of the oven. “Can you set the table?” she turned to him “It’s done.” “Sure.” he nodded and began grabbing the stuff from the drawers before he moved over to the dining area.

Fliss quickly sliced the chicken and placed it on plates before she walked through to the dining area, dropping them around the various place settings before returning a few moments later with the salad. Mary was waiting eagerly and Frank couldn’t serve the damned stuff out fast enough for her as she started shovelling it into her mouth the minute it hit her plate.

“You’re gonna choke.” he told her. She responded simply by turning her eyes onto him, giving him a reproachful look. Fliss gave a smile at the look on Mary’s face, turning her attention to her own plate. She listened to the two of them as they began to bicker, Mary giving smart ass come backs to everything Frank shot at her as she chewed her food, lost in her own thoughts. It had been a nice day, but she still couldn’t shake off the feeling of anxiety she had over Mary not being completely happy she was back, even if the little girl had seemed fairly affectionate before as they left the Alligator Park. As she shifted in her seat slightly, under the table she felt Frank’s hand softly rubbing at her leg and she dropped her hand over his, giving his fingers a gentle squeeze.

“Girl you got your costume for the Scout’s Halloween party yet?” Roberta looked at Mary and she nodded.

“Yep, I’m going as a Pirate.” “A pirate?” Fliss asked and glanced at Frank, who rolled his eyes.

“It was her Idea, not mine.” “I’m going as Captain Jack Sparrow.” she looked at Fliss who nodded.

“Well, as far as Pirate’s go that’s a good choice…”

“I think so too.” Mary nodded, turning to Frank and indicating her empty plate “Is there anymore please?”

Frank nodded and took her plate off her, giving her another helping of the salad before he plated himself more up and then offered some to Roberta. She declined as did Fliss, who leaned back in her chair, her wine glass in her hand simply watching as Frank and Mary tucked in to their seconds. Once the salad was done, everyone managed a decent sized bowl of fruit salad and ice cream before Mary retreated to her room under Frank’s instruction to take a quiet hour or so before bed. Roberta stayed as Frank opened another bottle of wine, the three of them chatting away until the bottle was finished and Roberta stood up.

“I’ll walk ya home…” Frank offered and Roberta turned to him and laughed

“Anybody wanna try anything with me on my home patch then they’re in for an ass whoopin’” she spoke, eyeing him up and down. “I’ll be fine, you stay with your girl.” “You sure?” “Positive.” she nodded “You want me to call you when get in, so you know I’m back safely?” she added sarcastically and Frank sighed, folding his arms. Roberta laughed, gently patting his arm before she looked at Fliss who was stood in the doorway behind him. “Thanks Fliss, the dinner was great.”

“Any time…”

“Don’t; tell her that…” Frank said in a loud whisper “We’ll never get rid of her.”

“Piss off.” Roberta flipped him off as she headed down the steps, and across the lawn towards the lit footpath which wound between the various apartments. Frank watched until she was out of sight before he closed the door and locked it behind him.

“Sorry.” he looked at Fliss who frowned at him.

“What for?”

“Having Roberta over probably wasn’t what you had planned…” “Oh, I don’t mind.” Fliss smiled “I like Roberta, you know that.”

Frank’s hands dropped to Fliss’ hips as her arms slid up over his chest, coming to rest on his shoulders.

“Leave the dishes…” he smiled, “Come to bed.”

“There’s not that many to do…” she began to protest but Frank’s fingers flexed on her waist and she gave a small laugh “Ok, ok, you’re the boss.” “Sorry, say that again…” “Don’t push it.” she narrowed her eyes as Frank gave her a cheeky grin, dropping a lingering kiss to her lips.

“Go on, I’ll be in a moment.”

Smiling at him she headed down the hallway, pausing outside Mary’s room. She gently knocked on the door and then poked her head round to see Mary was led watching her TV.

“We’re going to bed now Mary.” Fliss smiled at her “Just wanted to say goodnight.” “Ok, goodnight.” Mary said, her eyes not moving off the film.

Fliss hesitated for a moment, as this would be the point where normally she’d head over and give her a hug and a kiss goodnight but she didn’t want to push things. Instead she gave a nod and then turned to leave.

“Thank you for today.” Mary spoke again and Fliss paused, spinning back to face her. “I enjoyed the Gators and stuff.”

“You’re welcome.” Fliss smiled.

“Can we ride tomorrow?” Mary asked her, yawning slightly and Fliss nodded, eagerly.

“Of course we can. We can do the trail if you like?” Mary smiled giving another small yawn. “Ok, night Fliss…” “Night honey.” she smiled, “Sweet dreams.”

She once again made to leave but Mary stopped her again.

“I’ve decided you can stay.” Fliss took a deep breath, and turned to face her. “Thank you.” Mary held her arms out and Fliss smiled, walking over to her. She stood on the bottom rung of the steps which led to the raised cabin bed and wrapped her arms around the little girl.

“Love you.” Fliss said gently into Mary’s hair, blinking away tears, as Mary’s arms tightened around her neck.

“Love you too Lissy”

She smiled, dropped a kiss to Mary’s head and turned to leave, smiling as Frank walked into the room.

“Time to turn off Stack.” he said, gesturing to the TV as Fliss left the room. He watched her go before he looked back at Mary “Everything ok?”

“Yeah.” Mary said “We’re going riding tomorrow.” “That so?” he asked, his arms hanging over the wooden boards that surrounded her bed, smiling.

“Yeah. Do you think Verity will be doing a roast dinner as its Sunday?” “I’m sure she will.” Frank smiled, brushing her hair back. “I’ll get Fliss to ask her.”

“I said she could stay.” Mary looked at Frank. “Fliss, I mean. I don’t want her to go again.” Frank smiled and dropped a kiss to Mary’s head “She won’t. And thank you for giving her another chance. It means a lot.”

“Well, you say we should always forgive when we can.” she looked at him “Because it’s the right thing to do. And that staying angry isn’t nice for anyone.” “True, I did.” he smiled again “Guess you do listen to me, huh?” “Sometimes. Other times you talk rubbish.” she shrugged. Frank gave a chuckle and then reached for the remote, turning the TV off.

“That I do.” he agreed and watched as Fred hopped up onto the dresser before he jumped and landed on the bed, curling himself up around Mary’s head on her pillow. Frank scratched his ear slightly before he smiled again “Goodnight Mary. “Night Frank.”

He closed the door behind him and headed into their bedroom, Fliss was looking at something on her phone, Thor sprawled on the bed on his back, one of her hands gently rubbing at his belly.

“So she said you could stay?” Frank mused, pulling off his T-shirt. Fliss looked up and set her phone on the side, smiling.

“Yeah.” she said as Frank settled next to her, flicking the TV over to find something they could both fall asleep to. “I’m relieved, not gonna lie.”

“I told you she’d come round.” Frank said, as she snuggled up to him, her head on his chest. He glanced down at her, his lips brushing against her forehead “She loves you.” “I love her.” Fliss said softly, her hand brushing over his stomach “And you.” “Well, that’s a given…” Frank smirked as she looked up at him, as he gestured to himself with his hand “I mean, what’s not to love?”

There was a pause and quick as a flash, Fliss grabbed one of the throw cushions and hit him with it.

“You’re a dick.” she laughed as he caught the pillow, and wrenched it out of her hand, tossing it across the room. He grabbed her hips and gave a quick tug so she was led flat on the bed as he hovered over her, grinning.

“But I’m your dick.”

Fliss smiled at him, her hands running through his soft hair. “Yeah, yeah you are.” she nodded, her eyes locking onto his as he kissed her again and once more they lost themselves completely in one another.

[it-lives-in-westchester]

ILITW Fanfic

A/N: So PB crushed all of my hopes and dreams....which was also a great motivation for finishing this fanfic. This is how I personally think MC and Redfield!Noah first meeting went. It’s just filled with my own headcanons and such. Never published any fanfics here before, so please be gentle with me.  Named MC Claudia because that is the name I gave her while playing. 

Word count: 5272

Warnings: Some bad language and mentions of death/suicide.

The woods around the small town of Westchester, Oregon always had this eerie energy to it. Everyone knew about the wild animals that lived there, especially after the “feral animals” attacks last year. Even without the animal attacks during the homecoming dance at Westchester High, every generation could remember a tragic event that happened in those woods. 

There are unmarked graves of people who were sacrificed in witch rituals. A sass suicide that happened in the 70s seemingly done by a creepy cult. Countless mysterious deaths that might have just been accidents or gruesome murders. More people one can count who walked into the woods and never came out again. 

Claudia Harrington was well aware of the tragedies that have happened in the woods, after all, she had lived through two of them up close. Still kinda a miracle she survived both of those events, she was not sure if that was a blessing or not. Feeling more numb than ever and her insomnia getting worse than ever.

This was the 3. time this month she had tried to make a new system with the stuff in her room. Maybe she should listen to her mom more often with her having too much stuff in there. Opening one of her drawers, it was a pile of papers, that could have been from anywhere from a week ago or 5 years ago. She sighed deeply and started to make three different piles, one to keep, one that was just blank paper she could reuse and one to throw away. God, there was a lot of crap in there she noted. 

Essays from High school, Reports of stuff, notes from Ava, drafts of short stories she had written, essays from her first year at college, checklists. Then something caught her attention. A handwritten letter, it was her handwriting she was sure of it. 

"Happy Birthday!" was the first thing written on it. There were no memories she had written this. She continued reading it a bit curious. 

"I can't believe you and Jane wou…." Claudia crumbled the piece of paper and threw it in the trash.

Now she remembered it was a stupid thing her consular said she should try. Writing letters to people that they would never read just say everything you wanted to tell them. Claudia did not feel like it helped a whole lot. She thought she had thrown them all away, guess she had not done that. 

Continued to look through the paper pile. However, the “letter” she found earlier was the only thing that was on her mind. After a few minutes, she picked up the crumpled piece of paper from the trash and started to read for herself.

Happy Birthday!

I can’t believe you and Jane would have turn 18 today, I know kind of unbelievable, it seemed like it was just yesterday we believe turning 18 meant we were finally adults, oh how wrong we were right? 

For being honest with you Noah I have no idea what to write here. This whole thing just feels wrong knowing you are not really gone. I just hope you are doing well, wherever you are. 

You’re probably not, but hey I can pretend right?

Good wishes, Claudia. 

After reading the whole thing Claudia swallowed a bit. She could not believe she had written this crap almost 2 years ago. Damn, it already been two years since it all happened? It still felt so fresh in her mind. It still stung, after finally reconnecting with Noah after years of not talking to each other. Feeling like things would be okay between them for the first time in a long while. 

But then he had to throw all of that away, lying to her face about everything. Luring her and all of her friends to a messed up game of “Are you scared?”. Knowing full well it could end with death. 

Oh, how she wished she could hate him for it, after all, he had threatened her with a knife and almost killed everyone because of sheer stupidity, but she could not do it. Still feeling terrible about the fate that Noah Marshall had met all those years ago in the ruins in the woods.   

The "official" story about what happened to him, was that he had a mental breakdown because of unchecked mental illnesses and trauma with losing his sister at such a young age. Delusional and hurt going back to the unsafe caves where his sister died in a hope that it could bring her back. The cave collapsed with him inside and killed him. 

It was dumb, but what else were the townsfolks of Westchester gonna believe. That the corrupt spirit of his sister manipulated him and then convinced it might be a good idea to sacrifice all of their friends in a hope to free her. Then sacrificing himself in the end so he could free her from that awful half-life she had been living for 10 years. Of course not. Sometimes Claudia even had a hard time believing it as the truth. Even though she witnessed it from start to finish. Still hoping she would see him again in the hallways at school during her senior year of high school.     

It was still bothering her on some level that everyone, including her, was just to ignore it. Like everyone did last time after what happened to Jane. This time around they had decided to keep contact, but still. 

It could all happen again, right? Some other stupid kids finding the ruins and getting the same life as Claudia and her friends had been living. No that could not happen. They had not fixed anything, it would come back. Maybe when they are 30 or something and has to deal with the consequences then.  

Looking at the clock, it was around 04:45 am. Looking out of the window it was dark the only thing she could see was the snow on the ground that reflected the moon lightning. Maybe she should..no was she crazy?  

Going back was the whole reason this all started again but at the same time. If she knew earlier that Redfield was gone and it was Jane, could she have prevented it? All that damage? All those deaths? Besides she was not tired so better do something that might be effective and not just scroll through social media till the sun came up, that had seemed to become a habit of lately. 

Thank god her parents were gone for the weekend, so they did not have to question her on what she was doing at 05:00 am. Putting on her winter coat and boots while going outside to her backyard. Going past the tree Cody died in and then entering her shed.   

It had been a while she had been inside the shed behind her house. An old flashlight that was her fathers was on a shelf, that could be useful. After picking up the that she noticed her bat, Barb lying against the wall. That might come in handy in case things went south like last time she thought, then she grabbed it before going out in the woods.  

The woods had not changed over these past 2 years. Tall trees that made it impossible to see the night sky. Weird noises in a lot of places but certain areas where there was not a single sound you could hear. Having a weird feeling that someone or something was always watching you. It almost felt like for each step she took into the woods the heavy feeling in her chest became bigger. At least the snow on the ground made it easier to see where she was going, maybe the flashlight was not necessary. 

Finally, she arrived at the clearing, this was here her, Ava, Andy, and Noah had found Dan in the woods, that seemed like it was forever ago. 

Halfway to the ruins now, you can do it. 

However when she was halfway through the clearing suddenly she heard a tree branch snap. 

Almost just by instinct, Claudia turned around. What the hell was that noise? Behind her was nothing, maybe it was a bird or another small animal… c’mon Claudia that can’t be it. She took a better grip on her bat. 

“Hello?” She said with a bit of uncertainty in her voice. Looking around between the trees, for something, anything. Nothing, just darkness looking back at her. Turning on her flashlight and she started to flash it between the trees like it would comfort her a lot more if she saw something like a deer. Even then the flashlight was old, maybe older than her, so it was not like it did help to see what was between the trees. She tried to listen if any more noises came, but nothing more happened. Nothing felt too of either. She dropped her shoulders a bit, hadn't even noticed how much tension she had put on them. 

C'mon, I am not even there at the ruins yet, it just my mind playing tricks on me. 

However, when she turned around to walk deeper in the woods she stopped. Two bright lights were staring right at her, with a dark shadow surrounding it, like ink spilling over. Her first reaction was to get away, far away. It was kinda a blur what happened next, it was just her acting on fear and panic at the moment. She was not even sure if she had screamed or not.  

The next thing she could see was the stars filling the night sky with no clouds in sight. Claudia looked up trying to catch her breath. Had she fallen over? She tried to collect all of her thoughts in her head.

What the hell, what the hell, what the hell!? Okay just think.

What she had seen was what she thought, right? Wait that would mean…..

She bolted up, nothing was in front of her. No no-no-no. She frantically started to look around the place. It was real right? No hallucination or her lack of sleep made this up. She had seen it, what she had been looking for the reason she was even here in the first place.  

Then she stopped looking around when she noticed the glowing eyes staring at her from behind a tree. When it saw that Claudia was looking at it, it came out of hiding. The glowing eyes belonged to a tall thin shadow creature. She noticed that it seemed to be floating a bit of the ground. The shape was like a man, with a head and arms. So from a distance, it would just look like that, a silhouette of a person. However, if you looked closer you could see that the arms were freakishly long with long sharp fingers at the end of them, and it was a lot taller than an average man.    

"Hey" Rising from the ground and started to walk towards the shadow creature. "Didn't mean to do that, you just surprised me"

She noticed for each step she took the distance between them did not change. It took around five steps before she realized what was happening

For each step, she took forward the shadow took a step backward. 

When she stopped walking so did the shadow creature. 

"Okay then….I'll just stand here then, good for you?" 

Planting her feet on the ground. Redfi...Noah was also standing still now. On the other side of the clearing. Just looking at her while holding a hand towards his "jaw". Not much of a conversation. 

Guess I have to be the one to break the ice.  

"Hello….how are you doing?" That made her cringe in an instance, oh Jesus Christ what kinda question was that. This was also the first time it dawned on her that she had no plans on what to do next. Damn those impulsive thoughts in her head. Well, now it was too late to go back with this. 

There was no response to her question. Just the natural sounds from the woods like birds and other small creatures coming back to her. 

Well, what kind of response was she expecting?

Oh, I have been doing well Claudia, you know expect for this whole being dead thing. Besides that great.

"That was a stupid question, I just realized that" She awkwardly continued. "Maybe you should say something instead because I suck at this as you can see" Could not help herself to laugh nervously after that. Like this was an awkward family reunion with an uncle asking what’s your plan after college and not her talking to an all-powerful forest spirit who could destroy the whole town if it felt like it. It did not seem like Noah even heard her saying anything or he had the most minimalistic reactions to things, she was about to continue talking.

Then she noticed that his eyes were not staring at her directly, but rather her hand. Was still holding a strong grip on Barb, wasn't she?

Oh shit, did I hit him? shit shit shit shIT! No, relax just….

Taking a few seconds of considerations before she dropped the bat on the ground, and then kicked it far enough away she could not reach for it. Noah’s glance followed the bat and then went back into staring right into her eyes when it was out of reach. 

“See… Don’t want to hurt you” she tried to give a small smile to show that she was genuine. In hindsight, that statement was almost ridiculous. What would a bat with barbed wire do against an undead forest spirit? Like if he wanted he could have probably just thrown her against a rock breaking her back in an instant. Maybe he could just drop her onto a tree, as Jane did with Cody, better just break Claudia's neck in on swift motion or maybe I should stop thinking about all the ways I could die, sounds like a plan. 

No big reactions from Noah unfortunately, the only thing he did was staring at her again, like he was studying her. 

Why isn’t he saying anything? 

Claudia almost felt like that made it worse than it was. It was not like Redfield or Jane was that talkative in this type of state either, but they were talking, be it pretty simple. 

She did not know what would have felt worse between him saying nothing or him taunting her for letting him die because she was a coward like the others would have done. At this point, she was not even sure if coming back was a good idea at all. 

C’mon, I can’t give up this easily. I have to try to say something different.

“Can you talk?” that came out a lot more annoyed than Claudia intended to sound like, now it almost felt dumb asking. At least it got a reaction out of Noah, he was now tilting his head and his eyes widened she could see that the colors in them turned neon blue. Almost like he was taken back by the question. 

“.....yesssssss...?” 

Claudia felt every hair on her body rise. Even felt like the temperature had gone more down. That voice was the same voice that had been haunting her nightmares for years. The whispering voice that seemed to break through the silence like nails against a chalkboard. Still, even if it sounded nothing like Noah, it had to be him, right? It could not be anyone else? Maybe he remembered nothing so she could not even say it was him, because nothing that made him Noah Marshall was even left. 

Jane had remembered, right? Even after 10 years and without the advantage of any of her friends knowing it was her. So he had to remember something, he had to remember Claudia, right? 

“Do you remember me?” There was no point dodging the question, Claudia just had to know if he did remember. Hoping there was still something of her old friend in there. 

This was the first in a long time he broke eye contact and was looking at the ground instead. Claudia tried to take one step forward, this time he did not seem to mind. It almost looked like he was too deep in his thoughts to even notice. 

“My name is Claudia, Claudia Harrington, I am… your friend?” She said that last part almost in a whisper, like who knows what to even call their relationship at this point. They have not seen or talked to each other for almost two years. Last time they talked he had held a knife against her throat and then she let him kill himself. What do you even call that? Besides all types of messed up. 

"Claudia..mm?" He said most likely to himself. She tried to walk a few more steps. Without a warning, he turned his gaze back to her and Claudia stopped right in her track holding her breath. Feeling like it got stuck in her throat. 

He was not moving, she was not sure if it was her imagination or not, but it felt like everything had turned eerily quiet even more than before. Nothing that was living in the woods was making any noises now or knew to stay far away from where they were standing. 

She could hear her heart hammering in her chest and she was wondering if Noah could hear it too. 

Why did I not tell anyone what I was planing before going out here? Well, they would have probably tried to stop me. Oh, fucking christ I'm gonna die here. Aren't I?

To Claudia, it almost looked like his eyes was flickering a bit. Then he started to float a bit closer to her, but when he was just about 6 feet away he stopped. He promptly straightens up all of a sudden, It almost looked like he remembered something else.

".....leave.."

"What!? Wait What?" 

Claudia had no idea how to respond or what to do with this. Was she supposed to just leave? Stay? Ask what he meant by "leave"? Had she said something wrong? Was he mad at her for everything that happened? Was there just something else unrelated? What had she done wrong? Her thoughts ran rampant. This was not making any sense to her. 

Claudia looked up from the ground and Noah had not done anything. None of them had done anything. She noticed that his eyes seem to flicker a bit between the usual white, neon blue, and orange flames. 

"No, I am not leaving until you answer my question," She said trying to sound as brave as possible. 

"Do you remember me? Yes, or No" Trying to sound tough as hard when every instinct in her screamed she should run away and never look back. 

Noah backed away and looked a bit to the left. Seemingly trying to avoid all eye contact with her. 

"......Leave.." he said again, lower this time. 

"No, answer my question!" Yelling back at him. 

It seemed to get a reaction out of him. Turning his head and looking directly at her, she felt like his eyes were piercing through her soul. 

Noah started to float a bit closer to Claudia, without breaking eye contact. He bends down so he was just a few inches away from her face. If he had been human Claudia would probably felt him breathing right up in her face and smelt his breath. Had she finally got him to remember something?

"LEEEEAVE!" 

Claudia felt ringing in her ears that made her put her hands against her ears by reflex. She also closed her eyes shut to respond to the pain. 

Nope, did not make him remember anything, just made it worse. Of course, I made it worse.

Slowly she opened her eyes. A face of nightmares was looking straight at her. The familiar skeletal face and bright orange eyes of flames. Which made her close her eyes immediately back again. 

This situation is probably one where most would have run away screaming and never look back. Claudia was considering it. A part of her did not want to go until she got answers and a part of her felt frozen. 

She was still holding her eyes shut. Nothing was happening, was he just standing in front of her? She knew something was in front of her and it was not moving. He had not hurt or touched her and the only thing he wanted was her leaving right?

She started to chant under breath

"I am not scared, I am not scared, I am not scared, I am not scared, I am not sc…"

"Huh….?" The whispering voice responded

Taking a deep breath, before opening her eyes again facing him.  

"I am not scared of you" His eyes widened a bit like he was not expecting her to say that. "And I am not leaving you either," She said with the best poker face she was able to do while her heart felt like it would burst out of her ribcage at any moment. 

The skeletal face with flame eyes was gone and the shadowy face with big neon blue eyes was back again. He backed away as well so he was not right up in her face and was standing a few feet away again.

"I am not leaving you okay, not again, I promise" Claudia took a hand towards him. He looked at it, almost unsure what she meant by it, Claudia continued talking:

"You don't deserve this, and I should have come back sooner, but I am here now, right?"  

Trying to give a small smile. Noah glanced between her face and her hand. She stretched out her arm a bit closer to him. Maybe so he could take the hint. 

"So maybe, we can be friends again?" 

Suddenly Claudia saw that he tried to reach for her hand, but then he suddenly stopped. Almost frozen at the moment. He stood there for about half a minute. 

"no" he started to say. He took back his hand. "no no no" 

Claudia wanted to say something but Noah continued talking to himself seemingly forgetting that Claudia was even standing in front of him. 

"Why back?.....worst...no no-no" He was hiding his face in his hands. Shaking his head back and forth. He continued rambling to himself for a while most of the words Claudia was catching was: "bad" "why" and "no". 

"Noah? It's okay just…."

“DON’T!”

It seemed like the orange flames’ eyes were back again for a solid second. They disappeared just as quickly and he looked down at his own two hands and then at Claudia again.     

".....Bye," he whispered and then turned around to leave her.

"Wait you can't just go!?" Claudia Yelled at him. He did not seem to care and continued floating away from her. 

"After everything you did you can't just leave, you owe me something," she said in frustration. “bye” he replied with again. She ran so she was standing in front of him now and he stopped right in his track.    

"What do you even want me to say or do?"

"...leave..." He said while walking straight through her. It did not feel much kinda like a cold breeze that went past her. Still made her shudder an insane amount.

“Hey!” She yelped and turned around to see him, still did not stop. 

"...bye….leave..." he said again, waving a hand at her. 

“I just want to talk! Come back! Please” It seemed like nothing she said was changing his mind, he was on the other side of clearing now. There was so much she wanted to say and in the end, she finally shouted at him:

“I’m sorry, OKAY!” she noticed Noah stopped walking away.

“.....what?” He turned around with wide eyes. Well no point holding back now, if she was never gonna see him again at least she can say everything she wanted to tell him before being gone forever. Taking a deep breath before continuing.

“I am sorry for everything that happened between us two.

I am sorry I trusted Redfield even though you were right about him. 

I am sorry that I couldn’t save Jane from him as well.

I am sorry I left you after what happened to her. 

I am sorry that you are…you’re..that you...” That was it, she broke, started to choke on a sob. Tears were starting to block her vision. She hid her face in her hands and continued to sob loudly to herself. When her knees started to feel weak she fell on the forest floor. 

Maybe it was naive thinking that just spilling everything out was gonna make her feel or even make the situation at hand better. 

It felt like an aching pain in her chest like her heart was being crushed by a pressure she could not see. 

It was almost painful to breathe in. God if she started to throw up she would just die on the spot she felt like. 

Guilt

That one terrible feeling she had felt constantly since the homecoming night. Been eating at her soul ever since everything happened. Thinking about all the things she could have done differently. 

What if she was not an idiot as a child and backed away when a real-life ghost story wanted to be her friend.

What if she tried to talk to Noah after what happened to Jane, instead of a mutual avoidance of each other. 

What if she had taken Jane’s place instead of being coward. 

What if she had just tried harder to convince Noah it was another way to end Jane's messed up game.

None of her friends seemed to understand that. It did not matter how many times they told her "It's not your fault, you couldn't have stopped this" It still felt like it was her fault. Their choice that night was between life or death. They did not have to choose between killing another person or themself. 

For Claudia, it felt like two people she cared about died because of her. Maybe she shouldn't feel bad after all those two tried to kill her and all of her friends. Still, she knew all the suffering they had gone through how much could have been prevented was the question if she had done different choices. Now she had the possibility to make amends with one of them and she messed up that too. 

God, why can't I do anything right anymore? C'mon when was I doing anything right ever. 

“...Stop crying..”

“What?” She looked up, her vision was a bit blurry because of the tears, but she did notice Noah was standing in front of her now, instead of the other side of the clearing. Then he lowered himself so they were more eye to eye. 

“...Don’t cry….” He hesitantly reached out a hand and slowly patted her head for a while. She barely felt it, but that was definitely what he was doing. 

"..Is..okay.." he continued talking with a bit of uncertainty, "… don't say sorry….is okay..." was he?

“....Are you comforting me?” Claudia did not know what to think, what was happening? Her worst childhood trauma, the monster who has been haunting her half her life, seemingly trying to cheer her up after upsetting her. When just moments earlier it seemed like he wanted nothing to do with her. 

He froze immediately after she asked that. Almost like this was the first time he realized what he was actually doing. 

“....working..?” He stopped doing, whatever he was doing. Holding his hands together, waiting for her response. It was hard reading his expression, it was after all just two bright lights that looked at her. It did not look like he had any anger behind his eyes like before as far as Claudia could tell.

“Yeah, we can say that” Claudia responded while wiping her tears away. 

At least he did not leave like she feared he was going to do. It was kinda sweet, in a weird way. Maybe it was more of her old friend in there, someone who did care about her.

“....sorry too...” He quietly said. it was almost so low Claudia almost did not catch it at all.

“....hurt you...didn’t I?". He was fiddling with his fingers now and looking lower than before. 

"you could say it like that" Claudia responded, a bit unsure what he was talking about this time. 

"Sorry," he said again to her. "Sorry… messed up….sorry"

He could be talking about what had just happened, but Claudia's gut feeling was saying he was talking about something else. The whole reason why both of them were even here, to begin with. 

"So, you do remember me?"

It was a few seconds of silence, Claudia feared a moment she had messed up again. Nevertheless, Noah started to nod a bit. Even looked like he was rolling with his eyes a bit.

"yes..of course…" she noticed that his eyes seemed to be smiling after he said that, if that even any made sense.

That made Claudia smile as well, she could feel her cheeks hurting. 

"I knew you would" She finally said and she felt the tears were coming back again.

"wait… don't cry" 

She started to laugh at that comment. 

"No no, don't worry, I am crying now because I am so happy" She started to explain. It seemed like he tensed down a bit after she explained herself. 

Then they were both sitting in silence for a while, what now? She had to admit it was kinda nice just sitting there with Noah. It was still something left of him inside this shadowy figure, now the question was how to save it. She had no ideas at the moment. Also what was she even gonna tell her friends, they were not so forgiving on what Noah had done. Also with the way he first responded to seeing her again, not the best reaction she could have hoped for. Guess she could tell them later when the time was right. 

What snapped her out of her thoughts was a low hissing sound that seemed to get louder. Suddenly Noah went away and hid behind the treelines. Before Claudia could ask what was wrong she felt sunlight hitting her face that made her squint. 

She had not noticed how bright it had gotten these past few hours. Guess fearing the ghost of a childhood friend might not even remember you were a bigger issue.

"Yeah….not a fan of sunlight I guess" Remembering how Redfield and Jane had reacted to it as well. She turned around where Noah was hiding between the trees. 

"no...hurts a lot" Noah hissed while looking down where the sun was shining.   

"I can come to visit again…. Next week? sounds good?" She gave him a thumbs up. He looked at her gesture for a while, before he copied it back. Then he was gone. 

Claudia walked to were Barb was and picked the bat up. 

"Well looks like I didn't need you," she said to it. She also realized that she never really apologized for potentially hitting Noah in the face, well could do that another time. 

 The woods were not as creepy with the morning lights shining through the tree. After around 15 minutes, she finally arrived back at her house. Going straight to her bedroom and crashed on her bed until the late afternoon.

[lelitachay]

Frozen fanfiction: Søsken

Summary: Even though Anna loved her sister-in-law, she couldn’t help but notice there was something peculiar about Elsa. Everything starts to make sense after an accident and a forced family reunion.

Modern AU. Kristanna - Frohana - Kristoff & Elsa BrOTP.

Chapters 1 to 10 - Here  

Chapter 11 - Repercussions    

Chapter 12 - Time apart

Chapter 13 - Guilt

Chapter 14 - The way I see it

Chapter 15 - Reconnecting

Chapter 16 - Finding home

Chapter 17 - What the future holds

Chapter 18 - Broken trust

Chapter 19 - Reopening old wounds

-

The visit

Lying in bed for several hours had proved to be useless for Elsa. It didn’t matter how tired she felt, her mind wouldn’t let her rest. She had tossed and turned for hours, hoping to finally get some sleep, but her mind kept going back to her conversation with Anna. It kept going back to the document she had found and what it meant for her.

She had gone to bed shortly after Anna had left. But she had barely slept for an hour or two before another nightmare woke her up. And after that, falling back asleep had proved to be impossible. 

Talking about her past to Anna had opened up scars that weren't completely healed. Her days inside the clinic had been the worst of her life, and talking about them always triggered the worst memories. Memories that took days or weeks to fade once again.

In the past, every time those memories had come back to haunt her, she had calmed her restless mind with the idea that those days were over. They were part of a troubled past that she was little by little leaving behind. But this time, however, she couldn’t find that silver lining. 

Telling the world what Weselton had done put her on the spotlight, and being in the public eye could backfire. Kai’s petition meant she was going to be forced to talk about her past in front of people. She was going to be asked question and possibly requested to give more details than the ones she had given Kristoff and Anna. And she knew for a fact she wasn’t ready to do something like that. She knew there was no way she could face a courtroom full of people and talk about her past without her powers manifesting, or what was worse, they acting on their own and hurting people around her.

In short, she couldn’t put her mind at ease if there existed a slim possibility of people finding out about her powers and locking her up once again.

She sighed and turned for the umpteenth time and faced the ceiling once again. Eighty-four wooden planks. Eighty-four wooden planks and nine beams. She didn’t even need to count the wooden planks in her ceiling. It had been the only activity that had helped her keep her mind distracted, but it was no longer working. 

Tired of lying in bed and fighting against her own mind, Elsa got up and went to the kitchen to find something to drink. She needed her mind to stop over-thinking things for just a moment, and she guessed that moving could actually help with that.

The idea of drinking a beer was tempting, but she thought better of it. She found it hard to stop at just one whenever she was feeling anxious and the last thing she needed was to wake up the following day with a hangover. Opting for a glass of milk instead, she opened the fridge in hopes of finding one last bottle. But to her disappointment there was none. It was at that moment she remembered she had planned to spend the afternoon grocery shopping instead of trying in vain to fall asleep.

She closed the fridge's door with more force than necessary and sat down on the closest chair. Yet another tired sigh escaped her lips as she rested her head on the wooden table. She knew she could still catch the last bus to town and continue with her original plan and pretend the events of the previous night hadn't happened; but part of her knew she couldn’t face her family just yet. 

She wasn't sure she wanted to confront her father so soon. And even if Anna insisted she should listen to him before jumping to conclusions, she couldn’t stop feeling disappointed and hurt.

She raised her head when a knock on her door distracted her from her thoughts. At first she thought it had been her imagination, but a second knock made her realise there was actually someone waiting outside her door. 

The first person to come to mind was Marshmallow. He usually travelled to Trolheim on Saturdays, and from time to time he would offer her a ride. And since she didn't wish for him to see her like that, she stayed where she was pretending she wasn’t home.

She knew he was bound to ask questions giving her appearance, and she wasn’t sure she could make up a believable story. After all, she had big bags under her eyes and she was still wearing the old baggy t-shirt and worn out shorts she wore to bed. A look that didn't match a fake smile.

After three more knocks, when she thought he had finally left; she heard the door open. Knowing Marshall would never enter her house uninvited, she got up to see who was entering her house.

"Elsa! You're here!" said Kristoff, when she walked into the living room. "Why didn't you open the door?" 

"Why does everyone enters this place as they see fit?" she answered, ignoring her brother’s question completely.

"You never lock your door." A lame excuse, he knew.

"That doesn't give you the right to barge in."

"Sorry," he apologised. It was clear she was angrier than usual about his lack of manners, and he just wanted to avoid a fight. "We thought you weren't home. We were going to wait inside until you returned." 

"I should listen to Kai and start locking the stupid door," she said to herself, a little bit louder than intended. 

"Yes, you should," came Kai’s reply from outside the door.

"Dad?” The lack of sleep was surely making her mind play tricks.

"Can you please let us in, Kristoff?" asked Gerda from the outside, tired of waiting for her son to move from the entrance.

Only when he did move, she was able to hurry to her daughter's side. "Elsa, dear, how are you feeling?" 

Not wanting to be rude, Elsa told her she was feeling fine before asking, "What are you doing here?" She didn't like the sudden visit, and she knew there was a reason behind her mother's fussiness.

"Are you sure, sweetheart? You look exhausted." Gerda insisted, as she cupped Elsa’s face with her hands.

"We came to see you," answered Kai still standing near the door.

"Yes, mum. I'm fine," repeated Elsa as she moved her face from her mother's grasp. Elsa made sure to hold the old woman’s hands, preventing Gerda from touching her again.

She didn’t mind her mother’s affection under normal circumstances, but right at that moment she wanted some space. Elsa knew Gerda was going to notice things were not okay, but she still wanted to keep up the appearance. However, it was really hard to do so if Gerda continued fussing over her.

"What are you really doing here?" Elsa asked Kristoff, hoping her brother was going to be more straight forward with his answer. 

Contrary to what his mother was doing, Kristoff tried to give Elsa some space, and he sat on the couch. "Anna told me what happened last night. We came here to talk.” Noticing the way his sister's face suddenly contorted with worry, he clarified, “Actually, dad came here to talk. Mum and I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Dear, your hands are really cold." Gerda had always made the effort not to point out Elsa’s powers without a reason, but right at that moment Elsa was still holding her hands and it was becoming hard to pretend they weren’t painfully cold.

Her mother's comment made Elsa realise there was a thin layer of frost covering her hands and she let go in an instant. Putting some distance between her family and herself, she said, "I don't blame Anna for worrying, but right now is not the best time.” They way her powers had just reacted was clear indication of that. “I'm not in the right mood to have this conversation."

“I’m sorry, Elsa. But we need to talk about this,” said Kai. “The sooner I explain what that document you found is, the better.”

“Dad-” she tried to stop him. She was still hurt about his idea of opening her case once again, and she wasn’t sure how to explain to him her fears.

However, Kai interrupted her before she got the chance. “First of all, I'm sorry you found out about this on your own. I wanted to talk to you and explain things to you before doing anything. That document you found is part of a formal petition-”

"Anna explained to me what it is,” Elsa cut her father off. She was tired. She didn’t want to hear him talk in a methodical way. She wasn’t part of another police procedure, at least not anymore. The least she expected from her father was for him to be straightforward. “You're requesting for my case to be opened once again."

“Yes. That is correct,” he admitted. “However-” Elsa turning around and walking to her bedroom interrupted him mid sentence. “Where are you going?”

“Elsa?” called Gerda soon after. 

Before they could follow, Elsa reappeared with the document in her hand. 

“Here,” she said as she put the paper in Kai’s chest. “You can have it back. Do whatever you want. But I won’t take part in any of this.” Not waiting for her father’s answer she walked into the kitchen ready to continue with her original plan for the evening. Find something to drink and go back to bed.

Gerda took a step closer to Kai and whispered, “Kai, you better do something.” 

He exhaled as he thought what was best to do. Elsa was clearly hurt, he could see it in her eyes, but he couldn’t solve anything if his daughter didn’t give him the opportunity to talk and explain himself.

He entered the kitchen and said, “Elsa, we need to talk.”

Continuing with what she was doing, Elsa closed the cupboard door and ignored her father. Maybe some tea could help her fall asleep.

“Elsa.”

“I'm not in the mood to discuss this right now.” She didn’t turn around to face him.

“I need you to listen-”

“No!”

It wasn’t the angered response what surprised Kai, but the sound of a cup breaking.

“Damn it!” Elsa cursed when she noticed the cut on her finger. Her control over her powers had slipped for just a moment, and it had broken the cup she was using to fill the kettle. She hated whenever her body didn’t let her do the simplest tasks. "Useless freak."

Gerda entered the kitchen just in time to see her daughter muttering to herself after the curse. And then she noticed her hand covered in blood. Her instincts kicking in, she rushed to Elsa's side. “Let me help you.”

“It’s fine.”

“But-”

“I said it’s fine.” Turning around, Elsa looked for a piece of cloth and wrapped it around her finger to stop the bleeding. She could feel the disapproving look of Gerda, but she didn’t care. She could just clean the wound later.

Kai waited till the situation was under control before trying to talk with his daughter once again, “Can we talk now, Elsa? Please.”

"I don't want to talk,” countered Elsa in a lower tone of voice. “I don't. But that doesn't matter, does it? It doesn't matter what I want.”

“Of course it does.”

“Then why did you open my case?” she asked. Finally reaching her breaking point. "You promised me you wouldn't, yet you did. My opinion didn't really matter after all.”

“Elsa, you're getting ahead of things. This is just a petition. A request. Your case is not open yet.” He tried to reason. He could understand Elsa’s distress, and he wanted to make sure she knew there was nothing to worry about. 

To hear Kai say the case was still closed allowed Gerda to sigh in relief. At least things could be resolved inside the family.

“You’re not answering my question. Why did you do it?” Elsa didn't stop to think about his answer. At that moment she wanted to hear her father's reasons more than anything. 

Thinking it was best to just answer her question. His explanation could wait. “Because I care about you. And I think it's unfair you're the only person who didn't obtain justice in his trial.”

“I don't blame you for wanting justice, Kai. I do too. But this was not the right way to proceed,” Gerda was still mad her husband had written the petition without taking Elsa's wishes into consideration. 

“You and Gerda promised to help me build a life away from my past. Away from everything I went through. That paper is the opposite of that,” said Elsa pointing to the document in his hand. 

Kai walked to the closest chair and sat down with a sigh. “Look, I know it isn't exactly what I promised,” he agreed. “But I need you to understand I had your opinion in mind, all the time. I wasn't going to send this without your approval. I was going to talk with you.” Turning around he looked at his wife and son, who had also entered the kitchen, and clarified, “all of you.”

Noticing his sister wasn't reacting, Kristoff picked the document from the table and skimmed over it quickly. “It's signed by several police officers. Why would you take the trouble to do that before talking with Elsa?"

“At the beginning, I thought it was plausible to open a case against Weselton without getting Elsa involved.” He looked at his daughter to make sure she was listening and continued, "Some colleagues let me see it wasn't going to work and they all agreed it was best to work with Elsa's original case if I wanted justice. They offered their help; and soon after, the petition was written and signed.”

Even if Kristoff didn't agree with his father's methods, he too believed Weselton needed to pay for his crimes. And it made him happy to know there were other police officers willing to help Elsa find justice. 

"I found myself with half the initial work done before I knew what to do," continued Kai before his son could answer. "It’s for this reason I kept the document inside one of the composition books until I decided what to do." 

"Why were you looking for it earlier today?" Gerda couldn't help but ask. 

"I wanted to show it to you and ask for your opinion, Gerda. I wanted to talk to Elsa and I didn't know how." He looked down in shame at that. The love he had for Kristoff and Elsa was immeasurable, but there were times Kai still felt inadequate to communicate with them. It was hard for him to express his ideas and not sound like he was imposing them. 

“So, you never sent the petition?” asked Kristoff, wanting to make sure there was nothing to worry about.

Kai shook his head and asked Kristoff to hand him the document back. “This is the original document.” 

“Rip it up,” Elsa demanded. Hoping to put an end to her problems.

Kai looked at her and then at the document in his hand. He wanted to destroy the document and be on good terms with his daughter again. He wanted to make Elsa happy and show her she could trust him. However, a part of him still wanted to help that little girl he had seen in a hospital bed all those years ago. “Are you sure you don't want to give this a second thought?” he asked.

Arms crossed in front of her chest, she answered with resolution. “Yes, I’m sure.” 

Not having the heart to go against her wishes for a second time, Kai tore the document apart in front of her. He was letting go of their chance to keep Weselton behind bars, but he couldn’t force Elsa to do something she didn’t want.

Elsa remained where she was. Leaning against the counter with her arms crossed over her chest. She was feeling a lot better now that she knew there wasn’t any risk of people finding out about her past and her powers; yet pain and sadness still lingered in her mind.

Just like everyone else, Gerda stayed silent lost in her own thoughts after Kai complied to their daughter's wishes.

From the very beginning Gerda had been against Kai’s idea of opening Elsa’s case once again. She was aware of the consequences of exposing Elsa to the public eye. The prosecutor had been more than clear about it years before. 

Nonetheless, there was a part of her that still wondered if what they were doing was right. The idea of such an unscrupulous man walking free was unacceptable. And she knew anyone would agree with her on that matter. Anyone but Elsa. Or at least that's what it looked like. The way Elsa had reacted let Gerda see she'd rather accept Weselton’s freedom, than being requested to speak in front of a jury.

Gerda couldn't help but think of it as something strange. One would think she'd be the first person to ask for justice, but that wasn't the case. 

Elsa wanted to keep her past behind and move on with her life. That was clear. But Gerda could feel there was something else. 

Not thinking twice about it, and believing it was finally time Elsa opened up about the way she felt, Gerda dared ask, “what's keeping you from accepting your father's offer?"

Elsa raised her head to look at her mother, who was a few steps away from her. “What?”

“I don't want to change your mind,” she said before Elsa got defensive once again. “I've got my reasons to believe it's best to leave things as they are. But I want to hear your reasons. After all..." She took a deep breath knowing it was a sensitive topic. "Weselton will be walking free in a few years.”

“Mum...” Kristoff tried to warn before things got out of hand. He understood his parents' concerns, but he also understood Elsa’s fears.

Elsa’s silence only encouraged Gerda to continue. She usually avoided talking about this with her daughter, but she felt it was best to have the conversation now that the wound was open. "I just want to hear your reasons, Sweetheart." 

Not knowing how to explain the way she felt, Elsa simply answered, “I can’t face a jury. I just can’t."

“Why?" she tried again. "Try to put into words the way you feel. I think it’ll help your father and I understand.”

Kristoff stayed silent looking how with gentle words and patience his mother was able to get Elsa to open up. He admired that about the old woman.

Elsa, on her part, took some time to put into words the way she felt. After taking a deep breath, she gave it a try. “I'll be on the spotlight.”

“And?”

“And I'll lose control of my powers as soon as I start talking. I'll be exposed…" She made everything in her power to avoid her mother's eyes. "Everyone will know how dangerous I am.”

“You’re not dangerous, Elsa,” said Kai interrupting their conversation. He couldn't stand Elsa talking about herself in that way. 

“As soon as I lose control of my powers people will think I am.” She continued, ignoring her father. “It will be easy for Weselton to prove his point then. Everyone will see reason behind the things he did."

"Elsa, wait. Try to-" Gerda tried to make her slow down. 

"Sooner than later, they'll lock me inside a clinic to be studied again.”

“That won't happen, Elsa,” said Kai not tolerating even the idea of that happening again. 

“Yes, it will.”

"No, it won't," he insisted. "The judge and everyone involved will be surprised, but if you explain what that horrible man did to you-" 

"It won't make a difference because people hate the things they can't understand… People can be cruel, Kai." 

The look of pain on her face broke Gerda’s heart. It hurt to know she was talking from experience. 

"I know what it feels like to be at the mercy of cruel people. Not you."

Kai had to agree that it was true. He hadn't experienced cruelty first hand, but his job had taught him a thing or two and he knew he could keep her safe. “I won't let anything happen to you.”

"You can’t promise that," answered Elsa dejectedly. "You don’t know how my powers are going to react under so much stress. It could be a disaster. If I end up hurting someone again, everyone will see reason behind Weselton's actions and I’ll be forced back in a cage." 

“No one's going to force you back in a cage. I won't allow it.”

“Yes, you will.”

“How can you believe something like that?!” To hear Elsa had so little faith in them hurt him deeply. “After everything we've gone through-”

Gerda, on the other hand, didn’t take Elsa’s statement to heart. She wasn’t accusing them. She was merely stating a fact, as if she believed the right thing was for them to allow that to happen. “What do you mean, ‘hurting someone again’?” she asked, interrupting her husband.

Elsa held her mother’s for just a fraction of a second, before looking at the floor in remorse. That was the reason she never talked about the way she felt, she always ended up saying a little too much. She stayed silent battling what to do. She could feel her powers tickling under her skin and the lump in her throat getting bigger.

From where he was standing, Kristoff noticed the tears streaming down her face. He considered it was time Elsa told their parents everything she had gone through. He believed they were going to understand. He was certain. And finally knowing about her past was going to help them understand. “Elsa, they deserve to know,” he said, surprising everyone in the room.

“What is your brother talking about?” asked Gerda gently. Elsa had come so far, she just needed her to say had really happened to her.

“I hurt someone with my powers once,” she answered after several minutes, when she felt the ice was more or less under control. 

“Who?”

“A nurse. It was inside the clinic.” She couldn’t raise her head. She couldn’t face her mother’s disappointment.  

“How bad?”

“Bad. I never saw her again-” A sob interrupted her. “I don’t know what happened to her.”

“Oh, dear…" Gerda walked the distance that separated them. But Elsa moved away just before she could wrap her arms around her.

"Mum, aren't you listening? I'm a threat." She said with a broken voice. 

Angered by the fact Elsa wouldn't even allow herself to be comforted. Gerda forced Elsa to lock eyes with her. "Look at me. Look at me," she repeated when Elsa tried to look away. "Get it into your thick head. You are not dangerous. You were just a child trying everything in your power to protect yourself. You're not dangerous. Those who locked you up are." 

Not giving Elsa the chance to put some distance between them, she hugged her tight.

There wasn’t anything Elsa wanted more than to believe her mother’s words, but it was so hard to ignore the frightened look of that nurse. “I still don’t understand why you aren’t afraid of me…”

Her big blue eyes carried so much guilt and sadness, Gerda couldn’t fathom the idea of someone considering her dangerous. "Because when I look into your eyes and I see how much you care. We know who you really are. You are not your powers. They are part of you, That’s true. But they don’t define who you are.” Gerda held Elsa tighter, showing her how much she really trusted her. “You’re just a scared child." 

Finally letting her walls down, Elsa hid her face in her mother’s neck and hugged her just as tight. She let go of all the pain and frustration she had been holding and allowed herself to cry.

It was only when she had calmed down that Gerda spoke again. “Your father and I need you to tell us everything you went through, okay?” She offered her a sad smile as she dried with her thumb the remaining tears. “It’s the only way we can help you and protect you. Not to mention the only way we can avoid doing stupid things like-”

“Opening my case again?” she asked in a low voice.

“Exactly,” said Gerda with a smile.

Kristoff couldn’t help but chuckle at his father’s mortified expression.

“Okay…” agreed Elsa.

--

It was almost midnight when Elsa finished her story. Somehow having told her story to Anna the previous night helped her open up to her parents. Kristoff’s presence and constant support also made things easier. Just like she had done with Anna and Kristoff, she had avoided the most gruesome parts, but she knew her parents perfectly understood the things she didn’t say.

Both her parents had cried and cursed, but true to their word, they didn’t suggest doing anything against Weselton. And it helped Elsa feel more relieved, knowing that they had found logic in her fears, and they weren’t going to force her to do anything that could put her in danger.

They only bid their goodbyes after Elsa assured them she was going to be okay on her own. Going straight to bed and calling them first thing in the morning.

Kristoff, being the last to walk out the door, stopped in his tracks and looked at Elsa for a moment. He offered her a smile and said,  "I'm sorry we showed up the way we did. We were worried."

"I know."

“I didn't want you to be alone and I thought Kai owned you an explanation.”

Elsa nodded, perfectly understanding her brother’s reasoning. Maybe her mind was a mess right at that moment, but she was honestly happy her family had showed up. She still felt somewhat hurt for Kai’s actions, but she couldn’t blame him for caring. “I'm glad you came, Kristoff.”

“Elsa?” 

“Mmh?”

“Can I give you a hug?”

A small smile appeared on her face. “Since when do you ask permission?”

“Since this afternoon, when I thought you were going to kill me for entering your house without permission,” he answered, trying to light the mood.

Elsa gave him a hug and then watched him go, together with their parents. 

Once inside her house, she cleaned her wound and made herself some tea. She sat on the couch to think about everything that had happened in just forty-eight hours. It was crazy to think she had been so miserable the day before. She felt good about the fact she had been able to tell her brother the truth when he was leaving. She was truly happy her family had showed up when they did. And she was relieved she had finally opened up about her past with the people she loved the most.

When she was about to turn the lights off, a pile of letters on the coffee table called her attention. Idunn’s letters had been tossed over it earlier that day, and she hadn’t given them much thought.

She pondered for a moment what was best to do with them. The idea of burning them came to mind, she definitely wanted to. But those letters contained the answer to several questions about her childhood. Thinking it was best to ignore the letters until she could think more clearly, she picked them up and put them in between some books inside her library. Maybe one day, she could give Idunn a chance.

--

Several knocks on Kristoff’s door woke him up from his slumber. He stretched his arm and picked the alarm clock on the bedside table. He wasn’t surprised to see it was already midday. After all, he had arrived late the previous night feeling more tired than usual.

Even if hir sister had been the one who had opened up about her fears and her past, Kristoff had been nervous himself for most part of the conversation. He had felt like that fourteen-year-old kid all over again, who didn’t know what to do to help his parents or his sister.

He remembered the excitement he had felt when his childhood friend became his sister. But once the excitement had worn off, he began to notice how much Elsa had changed in a just a few years. She didn’t smile as often, and the silly jokes once amused her, no longer made her smile. He had noticed his parents’ constant worry and he had felt useless. It was for this reason he had self-appointed himself as Elsa’s protector.

But there was little he could do to protect his sister when the things hurting her were her memories and the distorted version she had of herself. It was then he let his mother do what she did best, which was to prompt Elsa to talk and help her in the process. Something he believed she had done perfectly well the previous night. But still, the meeting had been emotionally taxing, and for that reason he was having such a hard time getting out of bed.

Sven barking near his front door reminded him someone was knocking at the door. And he had an idea who that someone was. Jumping out the bed, he hurried to let his girlfriend in.

Anna entered the apartment and Sven didn’t waste time to jump and greet her. “Sven, you saw her yesterday. Please, let her be.”

“You know I don’t mind,” she said while she kneeled in front of the dog to scratch his ears.

Sven got tired after a few minutes and he sat near the door once again, expectant to see if it didn’t open once again.

Once Anna was standing once again, she pointed to the dog’s strange behaviour. “What’s with him?”

“He always does that when he misses Elsa.” He called the dog’s attention, “she’s not coming, buddy.” The dog whined a couple of times and then gave up, going back to sleep on the couch.

“I should take him to the mountain next weekend.”

“About that…” Anna said, finally getting to the point of her visit. “How’s Elsa? Did you see her yesterday?”

“She’s okay,” he said with a small smile. “I took my parents to the mountain and Kai explained everything to her. She’s still a little hurt at him for making her worry, but she was finally able to explain her fears to my parents.”

“Did she tell them everything?” She hesitated, not knowing if Elsa had come clean about that part of her past.

“Yes.” Kristoff offered Anna something to drink and continued, “they reacted the way I’ve always imagined they would.”

“They don’t blame her.”

“Of course not. Just like you and me, they let her know she was just a child trying to protect herself.”

“What about the petition? Will she have to face a jury?” Anna was really concerned about it, and she was willing to fight her parents-in-law in order to help Elsa.

“Turns out that was the only copy. No one outside the family read the petition. Kai ended up tearing it into pieces.”

Anna let a sigh of relief escape her lips. The idea of talking in a courtroom was nerve-wracking even for herself, she imagined how stressful it could be for someone like Elsa. “So, she’s okay?”

“She’ll need a few days to tame her mind and control the unpleasant memories. But she’s okay, yes.”

“Are you sure?”

The concern in Anna’s voice made him smile. For her, everything about Elsa was new, and Kristoff couldn’t blame her for worrying. “I’m sure.”

“And what about… Never mind.”

The way she kept fidgeting let Kristoff know her question was in fact important for her. “What is it, Anna?”

“Did my parents have anything to do with the petition?” She didn’t want to ask the question. She knew Kristoff was still having a hard time accepting her parents as Elsa’s biological ones.

“I asked Kai after we left Elsa’s place. He said they’ve met your parents a couple times, but opening Elsa’s case was his idea entirely.” He was still unsure how he felt about his parents meeting the Arendelles behind Elsa’s back, but he guessed it made sense. After all, they were the main reason Elsa had ended up in the hands of someone like Weselton. Kristoff could see his father taking the trouble to see if they were worth Elsa’s tears.

Even if he hadn’t forgiven Anna’s parents, Kristoff guessed they were actually good people. Kai wouldn’t have met them more than once if that hadn’t been the case.

“I need to talk with mum and dad. I can’t believe they’ve been meeting with your parents and they didn't care to tell me.”

He understood his girlfriend's discontent, he had felt the same way when he found out the previous day. “I think you should.”

“Would you like to be there when I do?" Deep down she hoped for him to accept. She missed the days Kristoff would visit her in her parents' home. "I could use your company.”

“Anna…" He didn't like to disappoint her, but he wanted to avoid a confrontation. He couldn't face Agdar and Idunn since he still blamed them for Elsa's miserable life. "You know how I feel about your parents.”

"Let me know if you change your mind...” It pained her to be in the middle of the chaos. But there wasn’t much she could do when her heart understood both sides.

--

Marshall sighed for a third time, as he tried to find the courage to knock on Elsa's door. He had been waiting for her in the slope for an hour before he accepted she was not going to show up. And for some reason, instead of going back to his place, he found himself standing in front of her door.

He had no real reason for his visit. Elsa could simply had been busy. But she had never stood him up in the past, and the few times she hadn’t been able to meet him, she had called in advance.

Part of him wanted to turn around and simply accept the fact she probably had better things to do than spending time with him. Still, his curiosity to see if she was all right was bigger and he decided to knock. 

Straightening his back, he waited for the door to open. And, to his relief, it only took a few seconds for Elsa to greet him.

“Hey,” he said with a smile, pleased to see there was nothing to worry about.

“Marshmallow? What are you doing here?” The mountaineer usually worked on weekdays, and it was strange for him to spontaneously visit after work. 

“Just stopping by,” he said as he scratched the back of his neck. “I wanted to see if you were okay…” 

Elsa looked at him puzzled. She had no idea what reason he could have to worry about her, unless her brother had called the guy and bothered him. If that were the case, kristoff was not going to hear the end of it. “Did Kristoff call you?”

“What? No. I-”

“Because if he did-” Elsa interrupted.

Trying to get his point across before she jumped to any other strange conclusion, Marshall explained in a hurry, “you didn't show up at the slope like we agreed, and I worried.”

“What?”

"You-" Elsa’s confused expression made him think about the possibility he had been mistaken. Hadn't he asked Elsa to meet him like he had intended? Not wanting to make a fool out of himself, he said, "It doesn't matter. I should've just called." 

Elsa grabbed his arm before he could turn around and leave. "Wait, Marshmallow, what are you talking about?" 

"On Thursday, when I called you," he began to say, as he scratched his beard - a nervous tic she had seen him do many times before. "I told you I was free today, and you said you'd meet me at the slope."

"Oh?… oh!" Everything that happened had made Elsa forget about her plan with Marshall. "I completely forgot."

"It doesn't matter. There wasn't much to do there anyway. Most of the snow is melted." 

Elsa could see he was trying to pretend it wasn't important. But she knew he had probably been waiting for her. "I really am sorry, Marshall. Truth is I had a hard weekend." 

“Everything okay?”

“I’ve been better.” There was no way she could explain to him her problems, so she left it at that. “I wish I had remembered about our plan. It would have been a good distraction.”

"Would you like to come to my place?” he offered. “We could eat something. If you want…" 

Elsa wondered if it was a good idea. She felt guilty for the little time she had been dedicating to her studies, and she had finally found the will to sit and work in her assignments just before his visit. On the other hand, she could really use some time away from her worries.

Before she got the chance to answer, however, Marshmallow said, "the cats miss you."

Smiling at his ridiculous attempt to convince her, she asked, "Do they?" 

"Yes. Well…" He cleared his throat to hide his embarrassment. He wanted to punch himself for the moronic reason he had come up with. "I think they do. And maybe they can be a good distraction from whatever is bothering you." 

"Okay."

"Okay?" 

"Yes." Smiling after days of sadness felt nice. She had to be thankful Marshall was considerate enough to invite her right after she had stood him up. "Maybe you're right, I could use some company. And I've missed the cats too."

Marshall smiled too, pleased to notice she wasn’t really talking about the cats.

--

I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I apologise in advance for any mistakes. I’ve been writing the whole day, and I can’t identify mistakes at this point.

Big thank you to everyone who has taken the time to review and share this story. You’re all amazing!

Tagging: @swimmingnewsie @melody-fox, @kristoffxannafanatic, @kristannafictionals, @neptrabbit, @skneez, @ellacarter13, @wondering-in-life, @who-i-am-8, @fanfictionrecommendations-com, @815-allisnotlost, @khartx, @joannevixxon, @betweenthedreams, @lilrann, @burbobah, @rileysfs, @zutonium, @earlvessalius, @blood-jewel, @disneydreamer8901, @the-sky-is-awake, @disneyfan103, @the-magic-one-is-you, @anamaria8garcia, @welovefrozenfanfiction, @bigfrozenfan-archive, @bigfrozenfan, @frozen-snips  @deisymendoza  @zackhaikal123 @cornstarch @roostercrowedatmidnight @wandering-bard-from-the-id, @showurselfelsa @fuzzyelsalikeiduna @when-dawn-arrives​ @drafteedragon​ @snowycrocus​ @tare8chan​ @localarendellian​ @wabitham​ @roostercrowedatmidnight​ @aries1708 @tare8chan, @just-your-local-history-nerd, @dontrunintofirexoxo @daphmckinnon @poketin @bruni-is-love @luna-and-mars, @anotherpersondrawing @lovelucywilde

Wish you guys the best. Stay safe!

[daggerzine]

Stephen Smith of The Morning Line opens up.

I believe that Bay Area musician Stephen Smith began sending me stuff to listen to/review with his band The Morning Line a few years ago. I really like the band’s brand of melodic rock/pop and was curious to know more. I then realized it was the same Stephen Smith who had been in Boston faves Salem 66 many years before. I then wondered what other bands he had been in that I had maybe checked out (or own records by) so I tossed him some questions that he was more than happy to answer. Read on and give the band a listen, they really deserve your time.

RAWK

Where did you grow up? Was it the Boston area?

North Shore of Chicago until about 14, then high school in the Boston suburbs. I stayed in and around Boston, with stints in New York, L.A., and North Carolina, until I was 25. I was into music as a kid in Chicago, but too young to really be going to shows or anything. Boston was where I really had my musical coming of age. There was a surprising amount of stuff happening in the Suburbs. I saw Husker Du in Concord. The Dead Kennedys in Waltham. And Boston was only about 45 minutes away by train. I remember going into the city and buying records at Newbury Comics, with Aimee Mann behind the register.

What was the first instrument you picked up?

Why I started playing french horn at 11 or 12, I don’t know. It didn’t last. I started playing guitar pretty quickly after that. My first electric was a Stratocaster. I was probably 12 years old. 1979? It was used, so I’m guessing it was an early 70’s one. Got stolen at CBGB while I was loading in in the mid-80’s. Thieves work fast! Let me know if you’ve seen it.

What was the first record you remember buying? As a kid nay band knock your socks off?

My memory is embarrassing, but I recall three early purchases. Singles of ELO’s “Turn to Stone,” and Gary Numan’s “Cars,” and a Beatles comp called “Rock ‘n’ Roll Music.”

The most recent album from 2019. 

What bands were you introduction to punk/new wave/alternative music?

I remember very distinctly tuning into WLYN (later WFNX) and hearing Gun Club’s “Sex Beat”, and Bush Tetras’ “Cowboys in Africa,” and being amazed. I’ll tell you what, though, high school girlfriends were absolutely key to my musical education. Gang of Four? X? Learned about them through my first girlfriend. The Replacements? Through my second. I’m the great beneficiary of other people being better informed than me. Through these same people, I became aware of what was going on locally, and was turned on pretty early to stuff like Christmas, Volcano Suns, the Proletariat.

Was Expando Brain your first band? If not what?

As a fifteen-year-old, I had a couple bands with friends playing covers (I remember Gang of Four’s “Essence Rare,” X’s “Riding with Mary,” “Brand New Cadillac”). But Expando Brain was the first “real” band. I think I was 16 when we started that. Being that age and getting to play shows (like that CBGB one where I lost the guitar), make a record, and be ever-so-slightly enjoyed by some people, was a thrill. I suppose obviously.

Tell me about your time in Salem 66? Howe did you initially meet those ladies?

I don’t remember how we got together! I’m going to guess it was David Savoy’s doing. David managed Expando Brain for a while. He later managed Husker Du, before passing in early 1987. I think he got me together with them. I was 18-19 at the time. They were all 5-10 years older, so we wouldn’t have been traveling in the same circles.

It was absolutely thrilling for me. They were a great, interesting, band. They had “made it,” in my youthful eyes. Signed to Homestead Records? Come on. Gerard had rejected Expando Brain. So I was gonna be on my favorite label (well, maybe SST aside)! I was only in the band for nine months (I think I was a pretty relentless pain in the ass), but so much happened in that time. I think it was all in 1986. We did a tour through the south, so I saw places I’d never seen. We did another tour as a part of our travel to make “Frequency & Urgency,” so I got to see California, an unknown place that loomed so large in my imagination. We stopped in Needles, on the CA/AZ border, and I skated the pool of the motel we stayed at (very poorly). We made the record with Ethan James, who had recorded one of my favorite records of all time (“Double Nickels on the Dime”). I got my first tattoo while we were in L.A. making the record. It was just a dream for a 19-year-old who wanted to be a musician. In some minor way, I *was*.

Waiting for the pizza delivery. 

Was God’s Eye next? If so how did that band begin (and end)?

Yes and no. After getting booted from Salem 66, I went to school. Spent a year at Vassar College. There, I started the first version of God’s Eye with my brother, Tim, who would drive out to Poughkeepsie from Boston now and then to rehearse, and with Ivor Hanson, another Vassar student, who had earlier been in Faith and Embrace (and has gone on to lots of other things, musical and otherwise). I was just writing riffs then, nothing very substantial, and that came to an end at the end of the school year. At the same time, I answered an ad in the Village Voice. A band in North Carolina, apparently signed to a major, was looking for a guitar player. I noodled some notes onto a tape, took a picture, and sent it. I got an audition, then the gig. The band was called the Right Profile and, at the time, they were signed to Arista. ….but no record ever came out. Sort of a roots/American thing before that was a thing. Maybe Petty-ish? I hate to pigeonhole. So I moved to North Carolina. The band was led by a guy named Jeffrey Dean Foster, who is still making great music today. The drummer was Jon Wurster, a name I’m sure you know. For about nine months – again - I played with them. I was the wrong guy for the job though. I didn’t really have the kind of sideman chops they needed. Can’t remember if I jumped or was pushed. Maybe some combination. As an old man, it’s been nice reconnecting with them through the miracle of social media. A year or two after that, I restarted God’s Eye with my brother. In candor, it wasn’t very good. I had decided I needed to sing in a lower register, and it was really just bellowing. Despite that, we had remarkable success. We were managed by Boston dynamo Joyce Linehan, who would later go on to work at Sub Pop, work with Joe Pernice, and work as chief of staff to the Mayor of Boston. She got us much further than we (I) deserved. We made an album, an ep, and a single for Domino in England. The album also came out on Rough Trade in Germany. We got to play some dates in London. Nothing ever came out in the U.S. We had some interest, but it never materialized.

Anything in between that band and your move to the west coast?

Near the end of God’s Eye, I also played a bit with Green Magnet School. They needed a bassist, and I pitched in. Chris Pearson, one of the guitar players in the band, returned the favor, adding a second guitar for God’s Eye. I was lucky to be able to record a single with GMS, the Sub Pop double-single with Six Finger Satellite.

When did you make your movie to the Bay Area and what prompted that?

Frustration with music prompted it. I remember having breakfast with an exec from Stone Roses’ label. Silvertone, if I recall correctly. He sounded so into it! He was gonna put out the God’s Eye record in the U.S.! But it didn’t happen. I decided I needed to have more control over my life, so I bore down, finished college, and moved across the country to San Francisco, sight unseen, to go to law school.

The latest single from earlier this year. 

Were you in any bands before the Morning Line in San Francisco?

In law school I met a fellow student, Jason Hammon, who was in the midst of a pretty successful rock career. He was in Dance Hall Crashers. We stayed friends and, in 2000 or so, we started a band called My Fellow Astronauts, with his brother Gavin (another DHCrasher) and my friend Scout (Scout Shannon & the Willing Deceivers). We played some shows, recorded some demos, but nothing ever came of it.

Tell us about the beginnings of The Morning Line?

It’s 2004 or so. My friend Marco Baroz (Lucy & the Long Haul) played bass, David Knupp played guitar, and somehow we found David Shollenbarger. Maybe craigslist or something? David had played for awhile with Agent Orange. We were in our late 30’s, and knew not to take it too seriously. But we made some demos, and an album in 2007 (“Stay My Satellite”). We were and are very fortunate to have a friend named Peter Craft, who has a great studio called Boxer Lodge, and great skills. We got to spend a year working on the album, and get it just the way we wanted. We self-released, but got a few reviews and a few fan letters, and that’s all I could hope for. Eventually, the lack of success that comes with being in a band of forty-somethings took its toll, and the band was pretty much dissolved in 2008. But Peter (also a terrific drummer) and I kept making demos. I wrote some stuff I liked in about 2015, so we started recording again using The Morning Line name. “Stephen Smith” is too generic to get the job done.

“Smoke,” from 2017, is a collection of things we did over a few years. “North,” from 2019, was a focused, intentional album project, all recorded with Peter, David Knupp, and Brian Mello (the Bellyachers). That’s the band today. I write the songs and sing, but it really wouldn’t sound like it does without them, especially Brian (I don’t think Peter or David will be offended by that).

I know you just released a Morning Line single. What’s next for the band?

Not sure! I’m still riding the high of getting a couple songs done with all of us in quarantine! We’re talking about putting out a collection of odds and ends: demos, the songs from this new single, some remixes. But I’m not sure. We’ll be putting out a couple of those old outtakes as a Big Stir digital single in June. An album of all new material is probably in the future, but I’d guess at least 18 months out. We’re . . . deliberate.

Prior to COVD was the band actively playing locals shows and or doing any touring?

Not really. We play from time to time, but it’s mostly a recording project at this point. You’d be surprised how little interest there is in watching an obscure group of fifty-somethings peddle their wares.

A man, his dog and a weird-ass mountain (ok, hill). 

Who are some of your favorite current bands, local or otherwise?

I’ve been oddly incurious about new music the past few years. I just looked at the Outside Lands schedule and was like, “scarypoolparty? What?” I know that’s inconceivable to you. I tend to get excited by friends’ new products. People I’ve mentioned here, like Brian Mello and Scout Shannon, have had things out over the past year or two. My friend Russell Tillitt has something coming out. Jeff Shelton’s Well Wishers. Just off the top of my head. Bigger name stuff? I like the new Besnard Lakes record. The most recent Sleaford Mods. I’d be happy to hear the new Wrens record, which I suspect may never come.

What are your top 10 desert island discs?

You know how hard this is. Every day a different answer, right? Here goes:

Neil Young – Live Rust The Clash – London Calling Wrens – Meadowlands X – Los Angeles Gang of Four – Entertainment Replacements – Let it Be Jesus Lizard – Goat Jam – Sound Affects Teenage Fanclub – Catholic Education Wipers – Over The Edge

Those and a hundred others.

Final words? Closing comments? Words of wisdom?

Thanks for giving me the chance to think about this stuff. It’s fun to do a little reminiscing. As you know, there’s a deep bench of older indie-rock folks out there, still at it, and doing it pretty well. Thanks for giving us some attention.

 BONUS QUESTION: Red Sox or Giants?

60/40 Giants. It's nice to have a team in each league.

 https://themorningline.bandcamp.com/