#like she could never had killed him cause it would've felt like admitting she really lost to Jimmy even if no one can win its not a game

[dykedvonte]

Another reason I believe Anya didn't mercy kill Curly is because by doing so she would've subconsciously admitted to herself that sometimes it's easier to just give into the suffering and end it rather than push/maintain through and she wasn't ready to admit that about herself.

[ratgrinders]

HIII i’m also a rat grinders fan in the “not interested in pretending they aren’t fucked up” but rather “interested in Why they are so fucked up” way 💥💥💥 i have Thoughts on how the shatterstar ritual affected the rat grinders in different ways and i wanted to know if u had any similar thoughts :3 - @teenagerebellion

THIS IS SUCH A GOOD ASK thank you for sending it!!!!!!!!

Ok so I AM gonna be working off the assumption that a rage crystal functions less like "mind control" and more so amplifying existing feelings to murderous extremes. Think Adaine in the mall fight when she's asked to picture "what would the world look like if all Adaine thought about was rage" and we see a destroyed Sylvaire from Adaine's search for her mother. We know that Adaine would never do that, but we see the underlying motivation is the same.

Off the bat we know Kipperlilly's ritual is different from the others since she chose to do it "willingly" and wasn't forced to choose via death (it's described as having no scar, unlike the others, so she may have not even had to die at all). That doesn't mean though that she wasn't infected with a rage that caused her to do things she never would've done normally, as I don't think Freshman Year Kipperlilly, whose biggest grievances were "I think Aguefort likes them more", would jump to coldblooded murder. I think the fact that Kipperlilly chose the shatterstar affects her mindset pretty greatly going in to rest of the year, because there's no easy way to differentiate between what's "her" and what's the rage star. She probably is constantly thinking things like "This is all me. I am in control of my own faculties. There was no coercion involved I'm just naturally a villain", partially because she doesn't want to admit that she, a mastermind, let herself get controlled like that. Essentially, the ritual itself was so seamless and the descent so gradual, I don't think even Kipperlilly has a strong sense anymore of who she is without rage.

Ruben we know canonically has a bit of amnesia after being revived, not even seeming to remember the entire year he was shatterstarred. Ruben basically has the opposite problem from Kipperlilly, where his change in identity post-shatterstar is so drastic that his sense of self is almost completely eroded, because "how could I have been motivated to become someone like that?". Ruben's not a naturally angry person, but still though, that WAS Ruben, the rage star just tapping in to Ruben's underlying desperate need for approval, emotionality, etc. and bringing it to the forefront. The rage star imbued Ruben with such an intense pain and rage that he felt he could only express it through his music. Post finale revival I think was Ruben just being in shock at how much he's changed, but I think the memories will come back to him and he'll have to reconcile these two Vastly Different versions of himself.

Ivy I believe was still kind of a mean girl before the shatter star, the shatter star just made it more likely for her to say it to people's faces rather than behind their backs. Honestly, I'm imagining her maybe as a young Sandra Lynn before, in the sense of both having this constant bemusement. Beyond that, though, I think Ivy may have been the most likely to take the rage star willingly as opposed to being killed for it (I actually think most of the Rat Grinders still could've been persuaded to take it willingly, but that's a post for another time). Ivy seems to have a lot of pent up rage and disdain for the world around her, and the shatter star only amplified that.

Oisin got buff after getting shatterstarred, which is a really funny canonical fact to think about lmao, because I'm just imagining him doing a bunch of angry push-ups or something. Anyways Oisin before the ritual I'm honestly imagining him to be the type to hang out with guys like Skrank and Shellford, aka those kind of nerdy unpopular guys who nonetheless are still kind of egotistical and little dicks sometimes. (This is actually why I think they were the ones playing pong at the party with Oisin, because they were actually kind of friends before.) Just like Ivy, the rage crystal just gave Oisin more of an excuse to externalize his rage at the world, but I think the main thing it did was just give Oisin a little more self-confidence because now he has all this power backing him up.

Mary Ann was EXACTLY the same before and after the ritual, it was actually a little disconcerting to Jace and Porter and they didn't know what to make of it. The main thing for Mary Ann, I think, is that she really doesn't have much of an emotional stake in the rage ritual, or the beef with the bad kids, or anything like that. She's just Entirely Indifferent to whatever atrocities are being committed, which is just a different type of fucked up lol. Honestly, I think as a barbarian Mary Ann's a bit more used to controlling her rage which is why the rage crystal might've had less of an effect, Lydia Barkrock style.

Buddy's death was so sudden and traumatic, with such a short amount of time to get used to the implications before the finale, I think Buddy's mind is just in a tailspin post-ritual just trying to grab on to anything that makes sense lol. He knows worship and devotion, its been a crutch in his life for so long, and that's what he defaults to when he can no longer reach Helio. In fact it almost seems a bit like a coping mechanism, latching onto it so securely even in the face of all other logic.

[janaknandini-singh999]

"I can't do that to swami!" Rukmini was appalled "What if he doesn't talk to me ever again?"

"Rukmini, love, your dear husband is literally the God of MISCHIEF. Why should he have all the fun? Ok fine, think of it as competition." Radha grinned

Rukmini stopped in her tracks and pursed her lips. She tended to forget that Shri Krishn once had a life before he had met her. She tended to forget this because for her, life had begun only after him. Those stories she'd heard of his leelas when she instantly fell for him, the mere thought of being close to him would kill all the miseries she was going through in the palace, the day her father decided on marrying her off, the stormy night. It was pouring outside but in her chamber her tears were raining and she was pouring all her heart out on the letter. The letter to him. And when she finally saw him, met his eyes, he was more beautiful than she had ever imagined, his hands taking hers into a new life. She smiled but was suddenly pulled back into reality as Radha's hand gently closed upon hers. Rukmini glanced up at Radha and sighed. There was something about Shri Krishn's Radha that Rukmini couldn't pinpoint. She'd admit that she had felt a pang of envy towards his other wives, his gopis. But never Radha. There was something so peculiarly enchanting about her which wouldn't let you feel anything negative towards her, or towards anyone in the world for that matter, when you were in her sharan. Just like how it was with her Shri Krishna. She always felt this comfort with Radha, a sakhi, a sister she never had. Her throat throbbed.

"Oh, Rukmini.." Radha hugged her before the tears could even come out of Rukmini's eyes, as if she knew. She just always knew. Everything.

"Was swami really that much...... mischievous?" Rukmini laughed in her arms

"Oh, you thank your devtas that you weren't a gopi in Vrindavan! Stealing maakhan and our clothes when we are BATHING! Hypnotizing us to make pakwaan for him, then bursting those very matki in which we carry them, getting us in trouble, then just smiling and dancing it away. That natkhat boy would've annoyed yet mesmerized you so, you would've completely lost your mind!"

Rukmini thought "only if Radha knew I would give anything to be a gopi, to be rendered senseless only to fall in his grace"

As if reading her mind, Radha whispered "but if you really look at it, maybe all who love kanha are just a gopi at heart."

Rukmini gasped amusedly and raised her eyebrows "Even Sudama ji?"

Radha nodded and giggled "even Sudama ji."

Rukmini stretched and lay her head in her sakhi's lap as her sakhi stroked Rukmini's hair and looked up at the sky

"So? What's the plan for our prank? Let's take a sweet revenge for all the sweet atrocities caused on the gopis by our beloved" Rukmini rolled over and winked at Radha who laughed so loud and hugged her tighter than ever

"Now, that's MY sakhi!"

[mylovecardan]

A Jurdan headcanon: Jude and Cardan *kind of* recreate their first kiss

Cardan sat alone in his chambers, reading a mortal book that was given to him by Vivienne. But he could hardy concentrate, his thoughts constantly drifting towards Jude who was currently visiting Vivi and Oak in the mortal world. It's only been a week since she left but he felt as though it's been months since he last saw her. He would've gone with her but as the high king, he had lots of other duties to attend to.

So there he sat, alone, waiting impatiently for his queen to return though he didn't know when she would. He tried to read his book. It was some type of murder mystery which wasn't his usual taste but Vivi insisted him to give it a try atleast.

He was halfway through a chapter where the main lead figures out who killed her sister. Angry, she took a kitchen knife and pressed it against the killer's throat. Reading it unlocked a memory of the time before he was high king when his wife - then nemesis - did something a lot similar to him at the coronation and took him as her prisoner. He remembered the hatred with which she looked at him then, and how far they had come. It seemed like only yesterday when he was tied to a chair in the court of shadows. When they first kissed with Jude's knife against his throat. In that moment, his body was so full of desire that he didn't cared if her dagger pierced through his skin, didn't cared about anything except for the girl he was kissing.

The memory was enough to cause a rush of blood through him to a particular part of his body. He never really admitted to Jude how much it turned him on every time she threatened him, how much it turned him on then with her dagger against his throat, his life completely in her hands. Just thinking about it made him all flustered.

Just then, he heard the door to his chambers open and snapped back into reality. He stood up from the couch just as Jude entered the room and he couldn't help himself as he closed the distance between them and embraced her, smelling her familiar scent. She just chuckled and hugged him back. As she pulled back after a couple of moments she looked at his still flustered face.

''What's got you blushing like a teenager?'' she asked him with a small laugh.

Cardan only turned a deeper shade of red. ''Just thinking about some good old times is all'' he answered with a smirk in hopes of hiding his embarrassment.

''Such as?'', she asked with raised eyebrows.

Cardan hesitated a little and her brows lifted even higher. He sighed softly, since he cannot lie and Jude didn't seemed like she would let it drop, he had no choice but to tell her.

''umm.... I was just.....'' he hesitated for a breath in fear of her reaction then took a deep breath and started. ''I was thinking about how you kissed me for the first time and how much i truly enjoyed it when you had that knife pressed against my throat''

the words rushed out of him and he blushed again refusing to meet her eyes. For a moment Jude didn't say anything, then she burst out into laughter which made him cover his face and groan. After she seemed to calm down enough, she walked over to him sitting on the low couch, amusement still dancing in her eyes and smiling.

''Sorry i shouldn't have laughed like that'' she said with a soft chuckle and he rolled his eyes. ''It's just that i never thought me holding a knife against you throat would be such a turn on for you'' she said smirking.

''well a lot of folks have weird kinks. Mine seems to be you threatening me''.

At that Jude pulled out a knife and pressed it against his throat so fast and swiftly that he barely had time to register. Desire filled him as she leaned her face towards him and whispered softly against his lips.

''Is that so?.'' she said looking deep into his eyes. ''Oh you really are enjoying it quite a lot'' she bit her lower lip and Cardan took a sharp intake of breath and leaned in to close the distance between them but she pushed the blade a little bit harder though not enough to draw blood yet.

''kiss me Jude, please''.

He didn't cared how desperate he sounded, didn't cared about anything. All he could think about was her and those soft lips against his.

''your wish is my command''.

she said before crashing her lips against his and his mind stopped working as he pulled her closer to deepen the kiss. She moved to straddle his legs never once breaking apart, both of them getting out of breath but not wanting to break it just yet.

After minutes passed, he pulled back enough to breath, forehead resting against each other and breathing heavily. she smirked and slammed the dagger on table nearby much like the first time which made him chuckle softly.

''i missed you so much''. She whispered in his ear and pulled him closer.

''Hmmm I'd miss me too. I'm just too awesome of a company and quite hard not to miss'' He said smirking.

''indeed'' She said and kissed him again.

I'm sorry if it came out a bit weird. I've never really wrote before this and please ignore any mistake bcoz english isn't my first language. this was fun to write anyway and i hope you like it.

Artist: @sallteas

[geekdorknerdfangirlblogger]

So I finally sat down and watched the Teen Wolf movie, but it's been out long enough that I feel like it's okay to talk about, but just in case... 🚫*spoilers ahead*🚫

WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK WAS THIS?!?!

1st complaint: literally every single romantic relationship for Malia has felt incredibly forced, even in the show, but none more than whatever the hell she and Parrish had! I might except some arguments for Stalia, but I always knew Stydia would be endgame...

Speaking of Stydia... let's talk about my 2nd complaint which is that trash throw away ✨️reason for Lydia leaving Stiles✨️ "idea" are you- are you really telling me, the girl that was able to convince a whole group of people and HIS FATHER that Stiles even existed after everyone forgot him and was able to bring him back into existence would just... leave him after a DREAM?!?! She fought against everyone telling her she was crazy for remembering someone who supposedly never existed, but she wouldn't fight for a reason to stay with the love of her life??? Cause that's not the Lydia I remember! She was stubborn, brave, and most of all she believed in her ideas cause she knew how smart she was! This just seemed like the "must use woman's pain to further plot" trope. On top of having a reason for Stiles not to be there since Dylan couldn't be in the movie.

3rd complaint: did none of the relationships the show workout or something? Like... why did Scott AND Argent not want Melissa to know they were in town? Argent and Melissa were so cute! She helped him heal and move on, he actually liked and let her be the strong independent woman she always was. I don't particularly care that Allison came back, I wasn't crazy about how they handled it, but whatever. I think Allison would've been happy to see her dad happy again after how he was after her mom died and then eventually her... instead of lonely and grieving his life away.

But no, Melissa and Argent gone.

But also Stydia... gone.

Scalia... gone.

And from what little I gathered Ethan and Jackson are... something. But Jackson is apparently comfortable just being gone and lying to him about why.

Speaking of being gone... onto my 4th complaint! ALL OF PETER HALE'S CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT WAS JUST GONE!!! Like they had me in his first scene with the blow torch, that was just regular old sassy Peter, but then he was just all Gung-ho for killing Allison and right back to his revenge filled ways. He was so protective and ready to finally be a dad for Malia at the end of the show, granted he still had a long way to go, but he was finally fighting with the pack and mending his relationship with Derek. When Scott is monologuing at the end of the final episode he says "Now we have allies who used to be enemies. We have protectors." And it cuts to a clip OF PETER FREAKING HALE!!!!! Like I wasn't expecting perfection, Peter was always a bit of a d*ck, but for all of his progress to just be gone was heartbreaking. Only redeeming part was the cigar and blowtorch bit because it had so much Doc Ock 2004 vibes.

And finally Derek... I just- I can't... I know it's cliche and cringey to say, but this movie is not canon for me. Because if it was, that means I would have to admit all the garbage I just watched was real. And I will not accept that. Most of all Derek's fate... Just no.

Anyway... I could continue, but I would be going on forever with complaints. The way I see it is, I still love the show and I will still watch it. This movie doesn't exist and the characters are all still out there together living their best lives as they should be.

The End.

[dehydration-stati0n]

Classmate {Yandere!Sabo x Reader Part 1}

Part 2 Rules Word Count: 0.7k TW: Yandere Themes

The loud sound of the clock ticking was the only thing you could concentrate on as you sat in the booth of the cafe alone. The heel of your shoe anxiously hitting the floor out of embarrassment. You liked to think he'd be here any second, show up and charm you like you imagined the night to go, but the chances were slim. You'd been sitting in that one spot for about an hour now, you didn't have much choice other than admit to yourself that you'd been stood up. 

In a nearby ally, your date had been killed, beaten to the point he was unrecognizable. A gloved hand picked up the now bloody metal pole as he walked away from the crime scene. Sabo had been watching you for a bit, he knew that if you knew about this entire ordeal you might not be so happy with him. Although, he had convinced himself that you would regret going out with him, despite not knowing a thing about him. He was your knight and your perfect classmate, it was his job to make sure you had the best.

You sighed, looking up at the moon in disappointment. You just wanted to go home and forget this night ever happened. Maybe you'd drink a bottle of wine to forget about the feeling. Oh, what were you going to tell your friends? They were so excited for you, even helping you get ready for the night. And your parents? You didn't want their pity, it would only make you feel worse. 

Your thoughts were interrupted as you ran straight into someone. Frantically, you turned to the person in question.

"Ah! I'm so sorry!" You apologized, looking up to see the familiar face of Sabo. 

You wouldn't say the two of you were friends, acquaintances at best. He only ever passed you a pencil when you'd forget, or woke you up when you fell asleep in class. You'd love to get to know him better, but he was always surrounded by people, you never wanted to interrupt any conversations he was having at the moment.

"Don't be sorry." He chuckled, placing a hand on your shoulder to stabilize you, "It's my fault, I wasn't paying attention." 

He was going to meet you at the cafe, but meeting you here worked just as well. You were a dream to him, the way you sheepishly answered your shared professor, unsure of what to say when the spotlight was placed on you. He liked to watch as you stared out the window at passing cars, or birds. One day he wished to take you all over the world, just so he could see your curious gaze.

"What's with the jacket? Kind of hot out here don't cha think?" You giggled, the humid spring air was enough for you to feel a little heated in your short dress, you couldn't imagine how it'd feel with a trench coat. 

The blond's smile faltered a little at your question. What was he supposed to do if you were to keep pressing? His trench coat was the only thing that covered up the bloodstains of your would've-been date. He'd have no other choice but to just take you right then and there.

Your phone started to ring, causing you to turn your attention away from him, focusing on whoever was calling you. 

"Sorry, I have to take this." You told him, glancing at him apologetically, "See ya around." You walked off, telling your friend, Kalifa, about what had happened that day, as she was curious how your date was going and wanted to make sure no one was harassing you.

Sabo sighed, he felt so in love with you. He truly would do anything to see you happy. He was glad he didn't have to kidnap you, he didn't like the idea of forcing you to do anything you didn't want. He wanted to allure you himself, making you fall in love with him like he was with you. Killing off the people he deemed to be bad for you, protecting you from the bad people in the world, ignoring the fact he was one. He'd just have to be patient. One day you'd see how perfect he really was for you.

[spookyc]

You know what I'm also thinking about? I'm thinking about how Courtney is dealing with the death of Pugsley. I've been thinking a lot about Barney and Norma's feelings regarded his death, but what about Courtney?

Like, that's your best friend. You saved the Neutral Plane together. He was the first person (or dog) to show you genuine love and care despite your actions. He convinced Barney and Norma to go with him to the 10th plane just to get you something to feel less homesick. Despite your intentions to use him for the demon king that was possessing him, he always happily went along with it. He taught you that even demons have a soft spot, and you taught Temeluchus that when you snapped him out of his rage.

But well, you're not really a demon, are you? No, you're an angel, the very same creature that took your best friend's life. You watched Fingers take your best friend away from you, and right when you got him back, you watched him kill Pugsley too. You did the best you could, all of you did. But it wasn't enough.

And now, when the self-loathing reaches new heights, when you watch as Barney falls into depression and Norma throws herself into revenge, you can't stop it this time. It had always been you and Pugsley, it had always been Pugsley to pull you out of those horrible moments when you said all those awful things about yourself. It had always been Pugsley to encourage you to take the first step, to help others, but also, to help yourself.

It had been Pugsley who had taught you to love yourself.

But now, you can't find much to love in this plane anymore, and yet, where could you even go? Cast out by the angels and shunned by the demons, you don't belong anywhere. When Pugsley was alive, you had always felt like you had a place by his side. But now, now you have nothing at all...

Courtney had once again found herself traversing the halls of Dead End that night.

It was something she did most nights, or well, had done most nights before the humans showed up. Well, the humans and-

Courtney physically winced, as if the next word caused her genuine harm to repeat. She decided against it.

She sighed quietly as she gazed up at the towering portraits of Pauline's visage before her. What a turnaround, huh? To think she had a hand to play in saving demons and humans alike. It would've been funny, it should've been funny. But Courtney didn't find much of anything funny anymore.

It was a strangely familiar feeling, this ache of loss that panged in her heart, though she was loathed to admit it. She distantly wondered if it had anything to do with what had happened to her horns, or the reason she was shackled in the first place. Those answers....she would've made a deal with a particularly shady ghost or demon king to have gotten them before. But now? She didn't care about anything. At all.

What did it matter who she was before? Or what she did? All that mattered was that she was the same, same creature that had killed Pugsley, she was the same as the monster who had killed him. She was the very thing she hated the most.

Pugsley would have told her that she was different. That she wasn't like those angels. That she was still Courtney and that that meant something. He would've told her that no matter what, he still loved her.

But Pugsley isn't here now, is he? No, he made the big sacrifice to save everyone! What a hero! Let's sing his praises and honor his memory for saving all of our lives! If Courtney was so supposed to be inspired by all that, supposed to be touched by it, then she wasn't.

I mean, that asshole!

She barely heard the sound of her fist connecting with the wall, a dull thud following her strike. Cracks showed as she pulled her fist back, but she couldn't even get the satisfaction from that.

If he was gonna save the world, they were supposed to do it together.

That's how it had been before with Pauline. Without Pugsley, Courtney never would've cared about a bunch of humans and their dog enough to come back and convince Temeluchus of the very same thing. She didn't think was capable of caring about anything back then, except the want to go "home."

She hadn't realized until recently that Pugsley was her home. Where she felt loved, and safe, and cared for. But now, when another cataclysmic threat shows itself and dares to take the Neutral Plane away from them, Pugsley didn't even ask her if she wanted to help. She would've done it, without a thought.

Sure she'd grumble and whine a bit, but she would've done it. As long as it meant they did it together, that- that they'd go out together.

But no, Pugsley hadn't bothered to ask. Maybe there was nothing Courtney could've done but- but!

He should've at least told her. Then she could've talked him out of it! She could've found a better way, she just knows she would have!

So that's why she's not going to be celebrating his sacrifice. No one will get any praise from her regarding his death. Because it was stupid, and she hadn't been brought along for it. Pugsley was a jerk, awful, and scum. And as far as Courtney was concerned, she didn't give a rat's ass that he was gone.

She felt her eyes then well up with a dark liquid, and she tried blinking it away. That only resulted in the liquid falling down her face, and it wouldn't stop coming. No! No, she didn't care! She didn't give a shit! Pugsley can go fuck himself for all he cares! Why should she care? Why should she? He took everything from her, so why does he deserve her sorrow? Huh?

Huh?

Courtney's tears soon devolved into sobs, of which she muffled by burying her face in her hands. She didn't know why she felt the need to do that, now that Barney wasn't even living in Dead End anymore. Maybe she just hated the sound of her own pointless wailing. Yeah, that sounded more accurate.

Barney's a depressed mess who can barely keep a hold of himself. Logs is trying his best to support him, but he's never been in this kind of role before. Norma is throwing herself towards death the same way Pugsley did. And Badyah can do nothing but watch.

She should probably do something about that. Maybe she would have before. But she just doesn't have the energy anymore, she just doesn't care anymore. Not about them, not about Pugsley.

And not about herself.

[cherrycheridarling]

'someday maybe' | t.h.

tom holland x singer!reader

warnings: one swear? fluff and angst? kisses

summary: you're so close to finishing your second album when your manager pushes the deadline, your ex tom helps you write the final track.

{listen to someday by michael bublè and meghan trainor (if you want)}

wc: 2.1k

"Someday maybe when we're old and grey,"

"Yes, yes. I know. You are not being a very helpful manager right now, Noelle." you spoke to your phone as you paced around the living room, "Okay. I'll get working on it. Bye." you huffed and threw your phone against the couch.

Your album was due to be released in two months and you needed one more song to tie it all together. Your manager, Noelle, was pushing you to finish the song so she could start the promo of the album.

You were incredibly grateful for your career, but the pressure weighed down on you everyday. Never ending.

With a final groan you picked up your acoustic guitar and sat on the couch. Picking at the strings, trying to find a melody. You hit record on your voice memo app before strumming away.

"Someday maybe when we're old and grey, we can be in love once more. 'Till then I won't give my love away. Darling, I'm forever only yours." you sang softly.

You and Tom had a joyous relationship. A love that only ever existed in movies and fairytales. The type of love story that gets told for generations and onwards. But alas, all good things must come to an end.

Your breakup was calm, serene and clean. A mutual agreement as if your whole relationship had been a business deal. There were no loose ends or jealous passive aggressive remarks made. Just maturity and respect for one another.

Your pinky still held the promise ring he gave you. A token of appreciation. A reassurance that he'd always be there for you. And he lived up to his word.

Tom walked in and sat across from you, startling you, "Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you. Whatcha writing?"

"Need a final song for the album. Sorry for showing up unannounced. I just get better inspiration here, with all the memories, you know?" you timidly looked back down at the guitar.

Tom nodded, "No need to apologize. We gave you a spare key for a reason."

You couldn't stop yourself from spilling the words from your lips, "That was when we were together."

You could hear the awkward silence start to fill the room before he spoke again, "Still our best friend, Y/L/N."

The pain that crossed your features was instant. Being addressed by your last name felt like a stab to the gut. Especially by Tom.

You nodded before playing again, "Can I help you write it?" Tom asked as he sat next to you.

"Dancer, gymnast, actor and now songwriter. How many hidden talents have you got, Holland?" you teased making him laugh.

He shrugged with a smile, "It's kind of like writing a poem, right?"

You pondered on his analogy before slowly nodding, "Yeah, it kind of is. Give it a go."

You began playing the melody and he listened intently for a few moments before singing, "I love seeing you happy. I miss seeing that smile. It's been such a long time. A– Nope. Nope. Nuh-uh. I can't do it." he shook his head aggressively with a loud laugh as you stopped playing.

"No!" you quickly protested, "That was amazing! Don't leave me hanging, c'mon." you nudged him with your shoulder before strumming again.

"Alright, alright." he ran his hands down his face, "And although I don't have you, I know now that I need to?" he paused and gave you a skeptical look before you nodded again, "Somehow make you mine. Mmm."

"Oh, okay. He's giving ad-libs and all. Get it." you nodded as he laughed.

You were so engrossed on Tom actually writing a song with you that you didn't focus on the lyrics he was singing.

"And I won't lie, it's hard seeing you with him 'cause I know he can't hold you like I can." his mood seemed to drop by a thousand as the words left his lips.

"When can we meet this boyfriend of yours?" Harrison flicked your forehead from across the booth.

You, Harrison, Tom and Tuwaine were all sat in the local pub. Pints of beer in front of each of you as loud music and chatting filled your ears.

You shrugged, "He's picking me up, so possibly tonight."

Tuwaine's eyes lit up, "Fina-fucking-lly. I swear you've kept him hidden for years."

"We've only been together for three months, T." you laughed lightly with the group of boys.

And they met him. It wasn't the smoothest of introductions, but an introduction nonetheless.

"Boys, this is Kai. Kai this is Tom, Harrison and Tuwaine." you gestured to the parties as they all shook hands and gave polite greetings.

"So," Harrison started, "What do you do for a living, Kai?"

Kai cleared his throat, "I'm a Senior Resident at Kingston Hospital. Working towards being Head of Pediatrics."

Tuwaine and Harrison both nodded, impressed by his profession. Tom's face remained expressionless as he stared at Kai with cold eyes.

"Do you have any siblings, Kai? Any psycho ex-girlfriends? Any wacky cousins?" Tuwaine joked making everyone laugh. "'Cause Y/N has a lot of wacky cousins."

"We could be in love once more,"

"Hey!" you gasped with a laugh.

Kai pulled you closer to him as he laughed, "No, no wacky cousins or psycho exes, but I do have an older sister and a younger brother."

This game of ask and answer continued on for a few more minutes. Tom didn't say a word, just sipped his beer and burned holes into Kai with his eyes. If looks could kill, Kai would be six feet under.

Kai was a sweetheart, but you two ended ages ago. His work got too much for him and your job had you touring and travelling every second.

You picked up after him with the chorus before diving into your own verse, "I remember that love song. I sang every word wrong, but you didn't mind, no, no."

"I love the things you do. It's how you do the things you love. Well it's not a love song, not a love song. I love the way you get me, but correct me if I'm wrong. This is not a love song, not a love song!" Tom belted the 'Austin & Ally' song from the top of his lungs.

"Your turn!" he pointed the pretend mic in your direction.

You laughed, not knowing any of the lyrics, but still wanting to participate, "I love that you not a licket! And you own a watch and chicken! We got a car!" you sang with full confidence, making Tom burst with laughter.

"Yes! Sing it, darling!" he cheered you on, "Absolutely butchering the lyrics, but sing it!"

"Being stuck inside a car. If it's not a doe, don't kiss it! I can't hear a missing, when there's a shoe inside the ceiling! If you really need to fart, you can lunch on a pig farm! Love song! Love song!" you couldn't even hear the song in the background, your voice overpowering it.

Tom was hunched over from laughing before he came back up and planted a soft kiss on your lips, "You are one hundred percent ridiculous and I love it."

You brought yourself back to reality and sang again, "And I'll admit that I miss you, but only if you do. 'Cause you know that I'm shy. And I can't lie, it's hard seeing you with her. 'Cause I know she can't love you like I can."

Tom's eyes met yours as the words fell from your gentle lips. His mouth was slightly agape as you continued to strum.

"You are absolute rubbish. Imagine coming in eighth. Embarassing." you laughed as you crushed Harrison in a game of Mario Kart.

He shoved you with his shoulder, "You're such a try ha—"

"—It's always the same, Tom! How can I trust you? You follow gorgeous models on Instagram and expect me to trust you?" Nadia's voice cut Harrison's words off.

You looked at him with wide eyes, his expression matching yours.

"Those women that I follow have been my friends for ages. Who I follow on a stupid app shouldn't effect how much you trust me."

You paused the game, cutting off the theme song, "How long have they been fighting like this?"

Harrison sighed, a long groan following, "A few weeks. I think it started when she saw that he liked your Instagram picture?"

You stammered, "M-my post? She got mad about my post?"

Harrison nodded before opening his mouth to speak, but Nadia cut him off again, "And she practically lives here! How do you think it makes me feel seeing my boyfriend play house with a superstar?!"

"Aw, a superstar? I'm flattered." you joked making Harrison stifle a laugh.

"I've been friends with Y/N since we were in nappies!"

"I can't be with you if you're going to be friends with her."

Your laughter abruptly died at her words. Harrison stiffened beside you.

"Y-you can't be serious. You can't make me choose between you and her."

"Why? Because you're gonna choose her?" you could hear her voice crack.

"I-" Tom couldn't make out a sentence for a few moments, "Yeah. I'm gonna choose her."

Your heart fell from it's place, stopping at your feet. Harrison brought a hand to his mouth, "H-he chose you. He chose you!" he whisper shouted before you shushed him.

"Of course. I don't know why I expected anything different. I think I'll be going now." Nadia's footsteps approached the living room.

You and Harrison scrambled to look as if you weren't eavesdropping on their argument/breakup.

Tom followed close behind her, "I'm sorry. I really am."

She nodded, hand on the doorknob, "I know. Goodbye." she stepped out of the house, slamming the front door shut in the process.

Tom let out a breath of relief before turning to you and Harrison who were staring at the Mario Kart home screen with the infamous tune playing.

"You guys are terrible actors."

"'Till then I won't give my love away,"

"I'm forever only yours." the both of you finished the song in unison.

There was a moment of silence before you reached over and ended the voice recording.

"T-that was really good. You can change what I wrote, I know it isn't as good as anything you would've written, but I tried. And it was actually pretty fun and I never knew how difficult songwriting was un—"

"—Kiss me." you cut Tom's rambling off.

His eyes grew wide, "W-wha—"

"—Kiss me, Holland."

He swallowed, a small smile stretching on his lips, "Thank God."

And with that, he leaned in and pressed his lips to yours. Interlocking like missing puzzle pieces. Moving in sync like waves in the ocean. Soft and sweet, but filled with passion. You could feel his smile against your lips causing you to grin.

His hand came up to pull your face closer into his. Caressing your jaw, fingertips playing with the hairs on the back of your neck. His other hand holding your hip in a tight grip. Pressing the pads of his digits into your flesh, scared that you might slip through his fingers again.

One of your hands was pressed flat against his chest. Steadying yourself, the heat of the kiss threatening to throw you off of your axis. Your other hand tangled itself into Tom's curls. Pulling and tugging lightly causing small groans to fall from Tom's lips. Your fingernails scratching his scalp. Pulling him impossibly closer to you.

"I want my ten pounds." Harrison's voice snapped you and Tom out of your make out session.

Him and Tuwaine stood in the doorway, shit eating grins on their faces.

Tuwaine laughed before placing a ten pound note in Harrison's palm, "You guys couldn't have waited until next month to get back together?"

"You two were betting on us?" Tom laughed at his mates who nodded.

You shook your head with a smile, "Absolute idiots, all of you."

Harrison let out a happy sigh and pocketed the money, "Today was a good day. Had a sick ass shoot. Got ten pounds. And my best friends are finally together again." he waltzed into the kitchen with Tuwaine, leaving you and Tom alone again.

Tom's shy expression met your gleeful one before he spoke, "Someday came a lot sooner than expected, huh?" he chuckled.

You nodded with a laugh, "It certainly did and I am not complaining."

He sent you a wide grin before cupping your face and connecting your lips to his again.

"Darling, I'm forever only yours."

[jediken0bi]

Boundaries

Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary:

When JJ makes an offhand comment about Spencer not being particularly fond of physical touch to his girlfriend it causes a bit of a misunderstanding.

word count: 3180

-

Ever since you and Spencer decided to ditch your colleagues for the third time in a row to watch Doctor Who at his place instead, which resulted in him awkwardly admitted to liking you at the end of the night, you two have been practically inseparable. You knew that Spencer was shy when it comes to physical affection from the start but you also knew that a huge part of it was the lack of said affection throughout his life.

Often times he looks surprised when you hug him or kiss him with no particular reason in mind other than that you wanted to.

It's like he's used to only experiencing soft touches in the context of challenging and heartbreaking events happening to him.

You were set on changing that. You're going to make up for all the people who have failed to treat him with the love he deserves.

So far he hasn't stopped you from trying either. You cuddle him every chance you get, you kiss him whenever the opportunity presents itself and the environment allows it, you hold his hand while you're on the jet. You make sure Spencer is on board for all of this though.

You always ask him if he's okay with it before. The last thing you want is for Spencer to feel uncomfortable with you.

He's never denied you though and your question is always received with a big smile on his face.

Despite being very responsive to your touches Spencer doesn't allow himself to outright ask for them. Your best guess is that it comes from a long line of people denying him these simple pleasures. The thought breaks your heart.

You two were in the elevator on your way to meet the rest of the team in the bullpen when it all sort of went south.

You were holding hands with Spencer and he subconsciously squeezes your hand a little once the doors open. You give him a smile and lean up to press a small kiss to his cheek.

He immediately turns bright red and you giggle. He's given up on asking you for their reasons. He's starting to accept that you like kissing him and that's reason enough.

He grins at you and you let go of your grip on his hand. You both walk to your respective desks and stuff your go bags under them.

Before you can make your way back to Spencer you spot JJ across the room seemingly headed straight to your desk.

You know JJ is Spencers best friend and while you admittedly had a hard time accepting that your boyfriends best friend was a woman he used to have a crush on, you decided that you had absolutely no reason not to trust Spencer. He was happy with you and JJ was married with kids after all. Hell, Spence is their godfather. There's no need to worry about either of them having feelings for the other. You're sure of it"

Plus, you really like JJ. She was the hardest to win over simply because she and Spencer were so close but she never treated you with hostility. She was kind and respectful but kept you at distance until she was sure you were right for Spencer. You would've been upset if you weren't so happy someone was looking out for him after all.

"Good morning JJ" you greet her happily.

It really had been a good morning.

You and Spencer woke up earlier than usual to eat breakfast together. He made you pancakes!

Or, at least he tried. They were a bit burned but you told him that they were the best pancakes you have ever had. And you meant it.

He, of course, turned bright red and refused to take the compliment so you shut him up with a kiss.

A kiss that said 'Thank you for making me breakfast. I love you and i can't wait to spend the rest of my life eating burned pancakes with you'.

"Hey Y/N i was wondering if you had a minute to talk. About Spence." JJ approached you with a certain worry in her eyes that immediately unsettled you.

"What do you mean? Did something happen? I just saw him a minute ago and he seemed fine" You say nervously. Was there something you overlooked?

You make a mental note to go through the events of this morning again.

"No, he's fine! It's not that. I just wanted to talk to you about how it's going with Spencer. You know, being a couple and all"

JJ seemed almost nervous.

You weren't sure what to think about that.

She never dug around in your business before and you don't think she's got any malicious intentions but it does throw you off a little bit.

"Did you have something specific in mind? We're doing great, JJ. I know you worry about him but i think he's happy with me"

You say proudly because you know he is.

He tells you every night when you two settle down to lie in each others arms to read for a bit.

That's code for Spencer reading to you while laying his head on your stomach and you playing with his hair.

You smile at the memory.

"Uh yeah i guess i do. I just don't want you to think of this as something personal but i think as his best friend i owe it to Spencer to talk to you about it"

She looks down at her feet seemingly uncomfortable but willing to go through with this.

You were shocked to say the least. What could she possibly have in mind that would potentially hurt your feelings? Your mind goes to the worst possible scenarios and it's giving you a good bit of anxiety.

JJ seems to spot the look on your face and grabs your hands.

"No, no, no it's nothing bad per se! Just something you should be aware of to avoid misunderstandings"

You let out a small breath and calm down a bit. You're still confused though. If it's so urgent, why wouldn't Spencer tell you himself?

You were curious though.

"Okay so what is this about then?"

JJ looks at you with a bit of pity in her eyes and you immediately decide you hate that look.

"It's just that, you know, Spence is a bit of a germaphobe and he just doesn't do very well with people invading his personal space. Not that you're invading his space! Gosh no, you're his girlfriend after all. It's just that it seems like he might be a bit overwhelmed. I know it's non of my business, but i think he's trying to be okay with the PDA because it's something you want. I'm all for expanding your comfort zones but i'm afraid Spence is not going to tell you himself"

She finishes her nervous rant and you felt your heart sinking.

Is that why he never asks for your touch? You thought it was because he was shy but maybe it's because it makes him uncomfortable.

Was he trying to protect your feelings by not denying you touch whenever you asked?

Or worse, did he think you would leave him if he put up some boundaries?

Your eyes are filled with unshed tears and you look down at your feet out of embarrassment. You don't want to see the look on JJ's face right now. You're humiliated and honestly just upset Spencer wasn't telling you all this himself.

"Oh. Well, i'm sorry. I didn't know. I thought we were okay but i'll make an effort to turn it down. Thanks JJ"

It's clear she wanted to say something in return but you already turned away from her to flee the scene. It was overwhelming and you didn't want her to see you cry over this.

You went to the only place you knew you could feel freely without having to downplay the whole thing.

Penelopes Office.

You knock twice at her door.

"Hey Pen, can i come in? Are you busy?"

She immediately opens the door and with it, her arms.

"Never too busy for you honey bun!"

You give her a sad smile and hug her tightly.

You sniffle a little and she closes the door behind you two.

"What's wrong Y/N? Did Spencer do anything? I'll kill him for you. I have about twenty seven different ways that would make it look like an accident! Perks of working for the FBI"

This actually makes you laugh and you immediately know you've made the right call coming to Garcia.

"It's more about what he didn't do. Pen, am i a bad girlfriend?"

She grabs your shoulders and pushes you out of her embrace to look at you.

"What? How could you possibly think that? Boy Wonder has never been happier and i've known the kid for a solid couple of years!"

You look down again with an empty smile

"Then why would he send JJ to tell me all about how uncomfortable i make him?"

Okay so maybe you were being a bit dramatic but it feels like he broke your trust by talking to JJ about it before talking to you. At least, you assume he did. Why else would she bring this up?

"He did what? Are you sure?"

You raise your arms in a frustrated manner.

"I don't know Penny all i know is that JJ had some thoughts on how to be in a relationship with Spence!"

Garcia looked shocked and it makes you laugh.

"Yeah, that was my initial reaction too"

She shakes herself out of it.

"Did you talk to Spencer about what he thinks?"

You look at her with sheepish eyes.

"I don't want to yet. I'm upset with him and honestly a little embarrassed. I just wish he would've told me certain things himself. I think i'm going to take a sick day, okay? Can you let Hotch know i'm out for today?"

She looks at you with understanding eyes and gives you a nod.

"Of course, Bunny. Take care. And don't forget that Spencer loves you!"

You smile and give her a nod in return.

"Yeah, i know"

And with that you're out the door and on your way to grab your bag from your desk.

Of course you end up running into the one person you don't want to talk to right now.

Spencer looks at you with a small smile and you give him one back. Admittedly, yours looks a bit forced but you don't have the energy to pretend right now.

"What are you doing?" He asks innocently. He must be unaware of your conversation with JJ.

"I- Uh i'm taking a sick day. I'm not feeling so well"

You try to avoid eye contact but you fail to ignore Spencers worried expression in your peripheral vision.

"Are you okay? Was it the breakfast? I told you you shouldn't have eaten the pancakes!"

He sounds so distressed you can't help but laugh.

You were still mad at him but he was just too cute for his own good.

Out of habit you raise your hand to plant it on the nape of his neck where you usually toy with his hair before kissing him.

Just as you were about to put your hand on him you shake yourself out of it and retreat it.

He looks at you with confused eyes.

"What's wrong?"

He asks you with sad eyes. He's giving you completely mixed signals and it's driving you insane. Did he suddenly want you to touch him?

"Nothing. I just- I'm really tired"

You look down at your bag and pick it up to make your way out of there.

Spencer grabs your hand and it causes you to stop in your tracks. You breath in and out and turn around to look at him once again.

"Are- I mean are you leaving now?"

He looks at you with an embarrassed glint in his eyes. But there's something more to it. He looks hopeful. Like he's expecting something.

Maybe he's waiting for you to kiss him goodbye like you always do says a small voice on the back of your head.

No, you shake your head, JJ was perfectly clear about these things.

"Yeah, i am. See you later okay?"

You say with a small smile. You weren't mad at him for not being comfortable with PDA. That's not it at all. You just wanted him to be the one telling you.

You squeeze his hand and he exhales a little.

"Yes! Yeah, um, we're still on for tonight right? Your place?"

He seems so nervous and it reminds you a lot of the first few dates you two had. He was so afraid of messing up, of being laughed at or rejected.

"Of course we are. I'll order us some Chinese"

You give him a real smile and he starts lighting up as well.

"Yeah i'd like that. See you, uh, tonight then"

He's still holding your hand and you squeeze it one more time before letting go.

As you step into the elevator you know that you two have a lot to talk about.

--timeskip approx. 8h--

You've spend all day trying to figure out how to talk to Spencer about what happened at work today. You didn't want to fight with him and you hope he's not going to try and shut you out.

All your worries pretty much wash away when you find Spencer at your door holding a beautiful arrangement of flowers.

When he finally reveals himself behind them you can't help but drag him inside and press a kiss to his lips. You smile into the kiss and it's not long before Spencer does the same. It's harder than it sounds like but you two aren't willing to separate yet so you keep kissing for a little longer before leaning back to accept the arrangement.

"Thank you, Spence. They're beautiful"

You push the curls out of his face and cup his cheek in your hand.

He leans into it and closes his eyes for a second

"Almost as beautiful as you"

It's barely a whisper but you heard him.

Putting the flowers down on the counter you don't waste a single second hugging him tight to your chest.

He hums in contentment and you melt into him.

You've missed him so much today. You weren't used to being at distance with him. Emotionally or physically.

Speaking of.

"Does that mean we're okay again?"

Spencer asks pressing small kisses to your neck.

You shutter slightly before leaning back to look at him.

"What do you mean? Were we not okay before?"

You brush the curls that have fallen back into his eyes away again and he looks at you with wide loving eyes.

"I don't know i thought we were but then you didn't- um i don't know you just left and i thought maybe i had done something to upset you?"

He looks nervous. Almost like he's afraid he's going to say something wrong. You give him a small sad smile and decide that now is as good of a time as ever.

"I didn't kiss you because i know you're not comfortable with that"

You weren't mad anymore. You had enough time to process what happened and you've come to the conclusion that Spencer must've had his reasons. You're willing to let him explain.

He on the other hand looks at you like you've grown a second head.

"What? No i- why would you think that?"

You huff out a breath and look at him for a moment with raised eyebrows. You really thought he was going to tell you now. Is he waiting for you to say it?

Spencer looked genuinely confused and upset you would even suggest such a thing. It makes you wonder if he talked to JJ at all.

"Look, JJ came to talk to me today and cleared some things up and honestly i'm not upset about what she said. Not really. I'm upset i had to find out from someone who wasn't you. You could've told me. You should have told me actually"

This didn't do anything to wipe off Spencers confused expression. If anything, his frown just got deeper.

"Y/N i seriously don't know what you're talking about. I haven't talked to JJ this week"

Now it's your turn to frown. Did he not know? Was it really just JJ making assumptions that weren't true?

"But she said- No it doesn't matter what she said. What matters is that i want you to tell me, right now, if my affections make you uncomfortable in any shape of form. It's okay if they do Spence! I know i'm a lot but it's important we're both okay with what's happening between us"

He stares at you with a mix of adoration and confusion.

"Of course i'm not uncomfortable with you! I would tell you if i was. It's not even like you're doing any of it without checking with me first! Why would i lie to you?"

You let out a frustrated huff.

"Because you don't wanna hurt my feelings! But it's okay. We're equals and we can set up boundaries if you want. All that matters to me is that you won't shut me out"

Spencer smiles at you and it confuses you. Why the sudden mood change? Not that you're complaining. His smile always did manage to make you feel better. This time is no exception.

He grabs your hands and pulls you closer again.

This is new. Not the hand holding, but the fact that Spencer is the one initiating it.

"I promise you i have never been more comfortable with a person. I don't know what JJ told you and i'm definitely going to have a talk with her about boundaries but as far as we go, i'm more than happy with where and what we are"

You give him a small laugh and he joins in.

You wrap your arms around his middle and bury your head in his chest.

"So you're okay with me kissing you or touching you in general? In front of the team"

He presses a small kiss to the top of your head.

"More than okay" He whispers

You smile and lift your head to give him a proper kiss. He grabs the side of your head and pulls you even closer.

Lips just millimeters apart you look him in the eyes and find nothing but love in them.

"Also, next time you leave work without kissing me goodbye i'll make a scene. No hesitation"

You laugh loudly and push him away. He playfully stumbles back a couple of steps and laughs with you. He shrugs his shoulders

"Try me"

You lean your head on his shoulder.

You don't even know what you were worried about anymore. Spencer has a way to make all the problems seem to minuscule. You can confidently say you've never been happier.

[yourmidnightlover]

the way i loved you

Summary: you regret leaving spencer after everything you've been through.

TW: angst?, fluff, kissing, breakup, mild argument. *let me know if i missed anything*

WC: 2,843

A/N: taylor's version of of that's the way i loved you has stolen my heart and i felt like making a short lil fic about this song. it’s also a second fic in celebration of hitting 700 followers! happy reading!

--------------------------------------------

he was great.

he really was.

he was kind, and smart, and endearing. he was the perfect gentleman. he opened the door for you when you got into and out of his car. he tells you what you need to hear. he's incredible.

tonight when he held your hand as you stepped into his car, he made sure to whisper to you how beautiful you looked in your dress. spencer's favorite dress.

which is why you felt guilty about thinking of spencer.

you were going on a date with him and you couldn't stop thinking about your ex. spencer inhabited your mind when you did nearly everything. it was as if he had never left. the memories of him were always fresh in your mind... even the bad ones.

the arguments. the screaming.

but then there was the passion. the heat that never cooled off between you two. the spark that never dimmed. the light that seemed solar powered, never going out. you wondered if it was still there.

"what were you thinking about getting?" he asked, entirely mesmerized by your presence across the table.

"not sure," you smiled. "maybe just a salad, i'm not very hungry," you shrugged with a smile.

"whatever you'd like," he reached across the table to hold you hand, you obliged.

but there weren't any butterflies from his touch. no electricity that lit up your insides. nothing that made you feel crazy about him as you had with spencer.

it had been 9 months since you ended things with spencer. you were dating for over a year. the two of you had never slowed down since you began. working with him made it that much more intoxicating. a forbidden workplace romance felt dangerous. at first that's why you thought you couldn't get him out of your mind. and then you realized it wasn't that. it was that it was spencer.

this was your fifth date with him. you'd been dating for three months. it had been getting more 'serious' as time went on. but your feelings for him never compared to the rollercoaster of emotions you felt for spencer.

"what're you thinking about, darling?" he asked, stroking his thumb on your hand slowly.

"nothing," you faked yet another smile.

he didn't notice.

he never did.

spencer would've.

you had ended things after getting an offer in the fugitive task force. the pay was better (not that that's why you left), and they needed you more than the team did - even though they told you otherwise. you knew you were valuable, but you also knew that they'd be fine without you - even though they told you otherwise. they told you you'd always have place with the team. so, you left. and along with leaving, spencer had claimed you took his heart with you. but you had left yours with him in return.

you couldn't feel anything for the charming man in front of you whenever spencer still had your heart.

"look, i know it's a bit early to say this," he began speaking, " i mean, we've only been together for three months. but..." you retraced your hand so he fiddled with his own. "i never knew how amazing i could feel with someone in my life romantically. i think... i think i'm in love with you."

*22 months ago*

you had been reckless. you had gone into the house without any backup yet you came out unscathed. spencer was still burning hot despite the fact that you were unharmed. he appeared at your house late the night you had returned, around 2 am.

"y/n!" he pounded on your door. "i know you're in there! open up!" he demanded. you trudged into your living room and opened the door quickly.

"what, spencer?" you spat out. "why are you here? because i know it's not to check up on me," rolling your eyes, you stepped outside with him and shut the door behind you.

"why wouldn't it be? you could've gotten killed, y/n!" he yelled, not at you but at the situation. "maybe i'm worried about you! maybe i care about your well-being! maybe i just don't want you to die!" he shouted.

he had never truly been close to you. ever since you joined 7 months ago he had maybe one conversation with you during each case, only about the case. he wasn't necessarily rude, but mostly deflective. he wouldn't carry the conversation. he replied with simple answers that prevented further conversation. he never wanted to talk with you or hang out with you unless others were there. he just... didn't like you.

but you had been so excited to meet him. penelope, one of the reasons you got the spot on the team in the first place because you'd met her in her hacker days, had talked him up quite a lot. she had also said you were a match made in heaven. you thught she was mistaken until you saw him standing in the bullpen, talking to none other than pg. imagine your disappointment when he barely spoke to you.

and since you had gotten hurt he hadn't just been dismissive. he had been rude. he had rolled his eyes at you when you were sitting across from him in the plane. he had scoffed when morgan said how tough you were for taking the unsub down alone.

and now he was outside your door as rain began pouring down.

"if you do care about me then you have a funny way of showing it," now it was your turn to scoff.

"you were reckless. how could be so foolish?" he asked in a softer tone, walking closer to you to connect his skin to yours, needing to reassure himself that you were alright.

"i wasn't foolish," you snatched your arm away from his grasp, he backed away slowly. "i had to save that little girl's life, reid. you know that i had no other choice."

"you could've gotten killed," he stated once more, holding his hands together in front of him.

"that little girl could've been killed, too," you shook your head, sighing as you pressed your fingers into your temples. "i... reid, i couldn't let that happen."

"well i couldn't... i don't know what i'd do if you had actually been hurt or-or died," he bit his lip, trying to keep himself from saying much more.

"you barely talk to me at all. this is the longest conversation we've had in all the months i've known you," you chuckled humorlessly. "you're ridiculous."

"i'm sorry," he apologized softly, almost whispering. "it's... it's complicated."

"what's complicated?" you stepped forward to get closer to him. "what's so complicated that you couldn't stand to have a real conversation with me?"

"you wouldn't understand," he shook his head, stepping back once more into the rain, turning around as if he were going to leave.

"don't-" you grabbed his bare arm. smoke. "don't walk away. not again," you shook your head. "please tell me why you couldn't stand me?"

"it's not that i couldn't stand you," he said with a sigh, turning around to meet your eyes. "it's that... well i couldn't stand how you made me feel," he admitted, grabbing your hands instead of his own. "i couldn't stand how the first time i saw you i thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world and i couldn't stand how perfect your voice is - even when you're about to cry. i couldn't stand how you're the first woman i've loved since i watched my girlfriend die in front of me."

fire.

you felt fire all over.

maybe it was because the heat you felt as your gears turned, trying to figure out how he could love you. the friction from the thoughts running through your head caused the smoke that lit the flame that burned between the two of you. a match made from heaven, the universe, whatever you believed in, in that moment.

"spencer..." the first time you'd ever called him that, his eyes bore into yours with the same fire you felt. "how could you... how could you love me when you don't even know me?"

"i know you, y/n," he smiled, tears streaming down his face being masked by the rain pouring on the two of you. "i-i know that when you get frustrated or angry you just stay quiet. i know that when you're focused you rub your fingers together. i know that when you're incredibly happy you tear up because you wonder how you deserved to be so joyful. i know that when you're feeling insecure you like to read pride and prejudice and imagine yourself living in another world... and i know that i love you."

"kiss me," you asked, trailing your hands up his arms to the back of his neck. "please... kiss me?" you asked again before he filled your request.

one of his hands grasped the hair at the back of your head, pulling you against him with a groan. you felt the passion penny had said you would've had from the beginning through his kiss. the way his tongue traveled into your mouth and wandered as if he wanted to use his eidetic memory to memorize what you tasted and felt like.

and you knew that the fire you both felt would never burn out because even in the rain, it burned brighter than ever before.

"spencer," you broke the kiss. "i love you."

*now*

"so," he had smiled. "you don't have to say it back, i completely understand if you need more time."

you felt terrible. you missed spencer. you wanted spencer. you needed spencer. not more time. you had already given him time. you gave yourself time. but no amount of time could ever diminish what you felt for spencer.

"i'm sorry," you whispered, preparing to break things off softly. "you're such an amazing guy, a total gentleman. but... but i still-"

"love the other guy," he chuckled, looking down a bit upset. "that's alright. you can't force feelings."

"i really tried," you smiled, reaching for his hand once again. "with him it was just so... passionate, and crazy, and... i'm so sorry. i wasn't trying to lead you on i just figured that over time those feelings for hi would just disappear but... they never did."

"i know, thank you for trying to feel things out with me," he smiled, knowing you could see how forced it was. "if you wouldn't mind, could we still be friends?"

"oh, of course," you squeezed his hand. "you're one of the kindest men i've ever met," you chuckled. "thank you for being so understanding, luke."

"oh, it's no problem," he shrugged off the compliment.

you finished dinner with him and he dropped you off at your apartment. you ran to your room and decided to call someone.

"hello?" the voice rang over the phone into your ear.

"hey," you sighed happily. "can i ask you for a favor?"

next thing you knew you were packing up your apartment that never felt like home. you got onto a plane and moved back home, right back into the same place. the same night you got there, you knew you had to make a stop at a certain someone's house.

you ran up the stairs of the apartment complex, up to the apartment you found to be your second home. you banged on the familiar door rapidly, anticipating his answer. when he did answer, you were already teary-eyed.

"hi," you sniffled.

"y/n?" spencer questioned. "what are you...? you moved away why are you...?"

"i missed you," you wiped the tears that were flowing down your face, pointlessly so as they continued flowing.

"you left me, y/n," he felt the water in his eyes welling up to mirror your own, stepping aside to let you inside and shutting the door behind you. "you left. not me."

"i know, spencer. i know," you sighed. "but we were- we were toxic. and we argued all the time and we screamed at each other a lot."

"so why are you here?" he spat out.

"because i miss it. i miss the screaming and fighting. i miss kissing you in the rain. i miss cursing your name at 2 am because you would beat me at chess," you cried a laugh. "i miss the way you made me feel. i miss your touch and the way-" you tried to choke back a sob. "i miss the way you held me when i'm sad and the way- the way you loved me. because that's the way i loved you."

"y/n it's been 9 months," he huffed. "why would you... i don't know how to trust you again."

"please, spencer. i'm so sorry. i'll make it up to you," you reached for his arm, rubbing your hands up and down them to ground yourself. "i'll do anything, please. i-i'll buy you a new bookshelf. i'll do your files for eight months. i'll-i'll... tell me what to do, please. i want to make it up to you if you'd let me."

"y/n..." he trailed off. "i don't know. why're you even here? you accepted a job with the fugitive task force."

"i came back to the bau," you shrugged.

"was that for me?" he asked as if you'd never do such a thing.

"i mean... partially, yea," you chuckled humorlessly, an awkward silence enveloping the room.

"you shouldn't have," he looked down at his hands.

"oh," you analyzed his body language, dropping your hands from his skin. he missed the touch already.

his arms and hands were limp, detached. his eyes held emotion, hurt, tears. his shoulders were slouched and made to look slim, small.

"i'm sorry," you bit your lip. "i-i'll just..." you motioned towards the door as you maneuvered around his body to open it yourself.

you got it halfway open before he shoved your back against it, pressing your lips against his fervently. his hands flew to your waist and pulled you closer to him, his chest still pushing against yours. it was as if he had never let that flame die down either. maybe you were on his mind 24/7 as he was yours. maybe he couldn't stop loving you either, even though he hasn't said it yet. the taste of tears on both of your tongues reminded you of the situation at hand.

"i do, too," he whispered against your lips. "love you," he read your mind. "as if i'd ever be able to stop," he sarcastically admitted. "but... how would this work? you said it yourself, we fought and argued all the time."

"we could work on communication. i've worked on bettering myself while i was away. i even did yoga," you brought your hands up to his face, pressing another peck on his lips.

"i missed you too," another kiss. "and i've tried to improve myself. i guess i just wondered why you had left so abruptly. why i never really got much of an explanation."

"and you deserved one, spencer," you ran your thumbs along his cheekbones. "you deserve the best and that's why i left. because i knew i would never really be best for you. i knew that if i had come to you and told you how i had been feeling that you'd talk me down and then i'd stay. and i know it's selfish of me to be with you right now but i couldn't stay away from you any longer. i tried to forget about you but i couldn't."

"i'm glad you couldn't forget me," he smiled against your lips as you pushed him forward onto his couch, you straddled his hips as he sat down.

"i could never," you kissed his forehead. "no matter who i met," his nose. "i couldn't get you out of my head," his cheek. "you've driven me insane," his other cheek. "because that's the way i loved you," his lips.

"i love you," he mumbled against your lips, his hands finding your waist and gripping it tightly as if he never wanted to let go. "so much."

in the words of the beloved mr. darcy, he has bewitched you body and soul and you love, love, love him. he made you completely and perfectly and incandescently happy. you were consumed by fire because of how much you loved him. you loved him in a way that possessed your soul completely, utterly blissed at the thought of him. in a way that lit your very essence to flames and transformed it - not into a phoenix rising from the ashes - but transformed it into pure, unadulterated adoration and desire.

and that's the way he loved you.

taglist:

@averyhotchner

@greenprisca

@muffin-cup

@s1utformgg

if you’d like to be added to the taglist, please don’t hesitate to message me or leave a comment!

[chimtaesty]

Moonlit Destiny Part One

pairing: princess!reader x king!jin / 2.8k words

warnings: angst, violence, anxiety, strong language, trauma

plot: marrying a king of a far away country seemed to be your biggest problem, but gradually falling in love with a man who is deeply hurt and isn't able to control his rage turns out to be more troublesome.

A/N: hi! I'm really sorry that the first part of this series wasn't uploaded at the planned date. I had to replan and arrange thigs because my exams were delayed and moved and everything was a mess. I hope you enjoy this opener and you'll stay tuned for more of this series.

comment down below if you want to be added to the taglist!

masterlist / story masterlist / PROLOGUE

“His first wife, Eunbi, was a traitor....”

“W-What do you mean?” The information he’s giving you doesn’t seem to get processed. His wife betrayed him, causing him pain. “She tried to poison him, almost killing his youngest brother in the process. She aimed for his crown, she wanted to be the sole ruler. The emperor had her hung publicly” Your brain doesn’t work.

Your mouth opens to question Yonghee further, but in that very moment Seokjin walks towards you two, aiming for you. “I’m sorry for breaking up the conversation between you two, but i would like to talk to my fiance” He states with a small smile, making you question what Yonghee said a minute ago. How on earth was the man that stands in front of you able to hang his wife. To execute the woman he loved, or maybe he didn’t. It may have been easier to kill her for treason because he didn’t actually love her. Would he be able to execute you when you made a mistake? Would he ever be able to kill you?

“Y/N, I wanted to elaborate the cause of my anger towards you. I realised that it was unfair to be angry at you for mentioning my first wife without actually knowing what happened.” You don’t say anything while he sways on the heels of his feet. You know what happened, yet you let him explain to see things through his perspective.

“My first wife, Eunbi, was a wonderful woman. We loved each other truly and I would've given her everything. I made her queen because she desired to be my wife. I allowed her to learn whatever she wanted, because I loved her. She made me the happiest man alive. But she betrayed me, she used me, tried to kill me for her biggest desire. She wanted to be in my position, be king. She tried to kill me, but she poisoned my youngest brother, Jungkook, instead. It was an accident since the poisoned cup of wine was meant for me. My brother survived, barely, he still has problems with speaking. When it was revealed that she had poisoned my brother's drink she showed her real face.

She admitted that what I had given her wasn’t enough. She wanted to be the sole ruler of my kingdom and she was ready to do whatever it took to accomplish that. Although I loved her, dearly, I had to execute her. I would’ve forgiven her, I would've let her go because I loved her. My brother, Yoongi, took care of her execution. I couldn’t be present. I couldn’t watch the woman I loved being hung like a criminal.” he finishes with tears in his eyes.

His eyes are red and his cheeks pink. You can’t even imagine what he felt, the pain that must torture him every single day. “How many brothers do you have?” you don’t realise what leaves your mouth until it’s too late. A small chuckle leaves his plump lips. “That’s what busies your mind? How many brothers I have?” you chuckle as well. “I’m curious, I now know what happened to Eunbi and I understand that it must be unimaginably painful to execute someone you love but since you don’t want to talk about it too much, I won’t bring it up again. Thank you for telling me” you nudge his arm slightly “Now tell me how many brothers you have”

xxxxx

He has six brothers, Namjoon, the army commander of the south. He takes care of the safety in the kingdoms south. He’s very tall and likes to read, in his free time he likes to take care of the animals which live at the royal court. Yoongi, who takes care of the local prisons. He is excellent at getting people to talk, through torture, to your displeasure. He’s smaller than his brothers and likes to listen to concerts on his free evenings.

Hoseok is the army commander of the north. He shares his work with his brother, Namjoon, and takes care of the safety in the kingdom's north. He is a ray of sunshine. Seokjin said he was surprised when Hoseok asked to be a commander since he imagined him to become an artist like Taehyung, but he assured his brother of his professionalism. He likes to help Jimin with the local orphanages in his free time, remarkable.

Jimin is the third youngest of the bunch. He is a famous warrior, known as the white shadow. He fought in several great wars and always came back as the winner. Even though he’s a scary and very skilled warrior, he has a very sensible personality. He likes to help out at the local orphanages, showing the children how to defend themselves. A secret ,Seokjin pleaded with me to never ever talk about, is that Jimin likes to be read to. He often asks his older Brother, Namjoon, to read to him.

Taehyung is the second youngest, making him the second family's baby. He’s the only one who strayed from the genre of professions among the brothers. He decided to become an artist, painting the most beautiful paintings and writing the loveliest poems, having quite the clan of female admirers. He does know how to fight, though. Growing up with six brothers who like to train for future purposes made him learn how to fight as well. He might not be as skilled as Jimin or Jungkook, but he would survive in war.

Jungkook is the youngest of them all. He’s a warrior like Jimin, known as black shadow. He is the best fighter out of the seven, no one has ever succeeded in having him land on his back. He seems really scary, almost terrifying, said Seokjin. But he’s a nice boy, kind and cautious. He told Seokjin that he would like an older sister in law because Eunbi was younger than him, calling him Oppa, which he strongly disliked.

When he was poisoned, he lost almost all possibility to speak, he has trouble eating and dislikes having to talk to people. He’s embarrassed people would feel disgusted by his raspy and rough sounding voice.

His family sounds fun, complicated but fun.

xxxxx

The maids helped you put the traditional clothes on called “Hanbok”. “Ow!” you shout, startling the maids in the process. “We are deeply sorry, your majesty. We have to tighten this part a slight bit.” Moving in this big thing seems impossible as there’s so much fabric. “You’re almost done, your majesty.” you can’t believe that Seokjin wants you to wear such a hideous amount of clothing.

“You’re done, your majesty! The only thing you will have to put on is the head piece” the smaller girl in front of you instructs. She holds a big golden something in her hands. You’ve never seen something as astonishing and beautiful as this golden thing.

She places the headpiece on your head, securing it in your hair. It’s heavy, feels like they’ve placed a child on top of your head, yet you like it. “You look beautiful, your majesty” you smile at her “Thank you very-“Is she done yet?” An impatient voice wanders through the walls. “Yes, your majesty. Your fiancé is done being dressed” a maid informs him.

“Good, come outside, my dear. Let me have a look at you” he pushes. You’re not sure how you’re supposed to get up. There’s jewelry as heavy as a newborn on your head and ridiculous big clothing on your body. “I’ll try my best.” he chuckles.

The maid helps you up, you’re sure she’s trying to not laugh herself. If the women in his country wear this stuff without a problem?

“Wow, Y/N. You look stunning. Come here, my love” he opens his arms wide. You let go of the maid, focused on making your way over to him. The headpiece weighs down on your already exhausted neck. “Thank you, the headpiece is quite heavy though” your nose crunches up at your small complaint.

He stifles a laugh “That’s alright, you won’t have to wear it all the time. Such big jewelry should only be worn at special occasions” you nod your head, or at least you try to. “Y/N, could you do me a favor?” you hum “Of course” “Please take care of Jungkook, he needs someone to talk to. His brothers don’t seem fit for that job” you nod. “I’ll try”

xxxxx

So here you are, in front of his parents and his six brothers, well not all six. Two are missing. All of them are way taller than you imagined them to be. His mother is the smallest, smaller than you. And his father is a tad bit smaller than the boys behind him, yet he looks like a king. The posture and the way he introduces himself to you makes it obvious that he was king a while ago.

“My name is Y/N, it’s nice to meet you, your majesty” you bow lowly, as low as Yonghee had shown you. “Oh dear, you don’t have to bow to us. I’m not king anymore” you shake your head in disagreement. “I have to, you are Seokjin's family.” You try in their language.

Yonghee taught you the best he could during your months-long trip back to Seokjin’s land. “That’s very kind of you, Y/N. This is my wife Juhyun, and my name is Hyunsuk. I’m pleased to take you in as my daughter-in-law” you bow once again, making sure to bow to his mother once again. You catch her look, the hatred in her eyes.

His brothers introduce themselves as well before Seokjin snatches you away, taking you to his bedchambers. “She hates me” you sigh. “What are you talking about?” You sit yourself on the bed, trying to wiggle the big head piece out of your hair. “Your mother, she despises me and I can’t get this thing out of my hair” you cry out in frustration.

“Don’t think about her too much. She’s just cautious, after what happened with Eunbi. Let me help you” he tries to calm you. “But you didn’t see her eyes. She would’ve stabbed me right then and there if she had the chance to” you sigh.

His big hand finds its way onto your cheek. “Y/N, stop. She won’t ever hurt you. As long as you’ll stay loyal to me, you won’t be in danger.” His words calm you, to some extent.The fact that he’s willing to protect you even though he’s not in love with you is nice, it feels very nice.

xxxxx

“Why do I have to meet her?” You sigh as a maid helps you into a lighter piece of clothing. “Because she wants to get to know her daughter-in-law. Just drink some tea, answer her questions and you’re good to go.” Your nose crunches up in displeasure. Meeting his mother for tea or rather for interrogation is the cherry on top. She might just kill you and call it an accident.

“You won’t have to stay too long, I want you to meet my youngest brothers. Jimin and Jungkook are coming home from war and Taehyung will present his newest paintings tonight. I want you to be on good terms with them.” You nod and squeeze his hand.

He rubs your palm “You’ll be fine”

Two very friendly guards escort you to the small pavilion on the other side of the palace.

“There you are, take a seat” his mother, Juhyun smiles at you. It’s a fake smile, you’re sure. “I prepared some green tea, it helps your metabolism. You should slim down a little, right” you blink in irritation.

It’s not even been two minutes and this woman is testing your patience. “You won’t want Seokjin to fall back on his concubines, right?” She smiles, once again making you puke deep inside. “Ah, yes.” You huff.

Why is she so keen on making you upset, god. “How old are you, child?” She asks after she pours you some tea. “I’m twenty one” she nods her head, her eyebrows twitching slightly “You’re quite young, dear. You’ll have to give birth to a lot of sons.” You nod your head. “I’ll try my best to reward Seokjin with sons”

She gives you a small smile “Of course you will” she mumbles, clear for your ears to hear. “So, how much do you know about our disappointment of a former queen?” your head shoots up. “Seokjin told me about her, tragic.” her eyebrows furrow and she places the cup of tea down. “He told you himself?” you nod, trying not to chuckle because of her obvious irritation. “He did, he wanted me to know what happened to her.” she hums, making you more uncomfortable than before.

“I’m really sorry about what happened. Having to lose someone a part of the family is horrible.” you place your cup down as well. “Oh don’t act like you care, Eunbi has always been and would have always been the wrong pick for my son. I’m quite glad she got herself killed. I would have hung her myself if my youngest son wouldn’t have survived.” she chuckles and you divert your gaze from the woman in front of you. The water lilies swim peacefully in the crystal clear water, wanting you to be a part of them. Having all the time in the world to relax and be left alone. You would like this woman to leave you alone.

“Child, did you hear me?” your eyes wander to her again. Of course you didn’t hear her. “Excuse me, I didn’t, I’m sorry” you sigh. This tea party is taking way too long, where are you, Seokjin? In your mind you plead for Seokjin to show up and snatch you away. “Great, you aren’t a good listener either. You know, when you want to be the queen of this land, you have to be good at listening to peopl-”Mother, excuse me”

Your eyes widen at the voice you waited so patiently to fill this pavilion. “I’m sorry that i have to break your conversation apart, but i would like to take my fiance with me” he smiles at his mother and you’re quick to get up. A quick bow and you almost drag Seokjin with you.

“Slow down, my love. You look as if you’re trying to escape something” he chuckles. He’s playing with you. Of course he knows that you wanted to escape from his mother as soon as possible. “Oh you don’t know, she’s horrible.” he frowns slightly as he takes your hand in his.

“I know, she didn’t treat Eunbi nice either. I’m sorry that she criticised you. Meeting her has to happen out of decency.” you nod and lower your head. “What did she say?” he asks.

His face looks concerned, your cheeks heat up. “Well, nothing serious” you mumble. He stops walking, pulling you towards him. You look up at him as his features grow angry “As my wife you have to be honest with me, weather i like what you have to tell me or not”

A small sigh leaves your lips as you flutter your eyelashes. “She told me to lose weight or you’ll leave me for one of your concubines.” “What else?” You can’t meet his eyes, you’re too embarrassed. “She doubted my ability to give birth to sons. She acted dismissive as i assured her that i’ll try my best to give birth to your sons.” now it is his turn to sigh.

His big hand finds its way to the back of your neck. “Listen to me, you aren’t too heavy in any way. You’re the right size, you match me perfectly. And you don’t have to worry about not being able to give birth to sons. I’m very much able to put perfect children in there” his hand rests on your stomach. “Don’t doubt me, Y/N” he breathes.

You feel hot, so damn hot you might melt. “I would never” you mumble. His lips are so close. Your eyes move from his lips to his eyes as he moves closer. And in a matter of seconds your lips meet his, igniting a firework in the pits of your stomach. They are so soft as your lips move against his, something you never felt.

“Emper-excuse me” a guard stumbles back around the corner as he sees what is happening. Seokjin pulls away, making you close your eyes and replaying the moment he kissed you. “What, I can't have a moment of peace in this palace.” he grasps your waist as the guard comes back around. “Prince Jimin and Prince Jungkook have arrived-”Good, tell them to come to the crown hall.” he bows his head once more. “That’s the issue, Emperor. Prince Jungkook is greatly injured. Prince Jimin brought him to the nobel healer.” Seokjin tenses up and you are quick to grasp his hand.

“He fights in my war and comes home half dead, this boy.” Seokjin squeezes your hand and sighs once more as he pulls you along.

“Let’s meet my brothers”

taglist: @teamtardis-notdead @little7bitchh

[butteraway]

when time runs out | ii

⋆ summary:  A young girl has fallen deeply ill with an unknown disease in her, so with all her free time spent in an empty hospital room, she spends it online playing video games. That's until she meets her cousins friends, one spiking her interest with his extremely vulgare language.

pairing: bakugou katsuki x reader

word count: 2.1k

warnings: small mentions of suicide (I’ll put a star ‘⋆’ on top and below the paragraph so you can skip over it if your uncomfortable, you won’t miss anything too important so dont worry!)

"Bro, honestly I still can't believe that you of all people made it into the elite, number one hero school in the country."

"Waahh, I'm telling you! I'm the real deal Y/N!"

"So, how's your summer been? School's gonna be starting soon, are you excited?" Denki could only smile and sigh as his character was finally killed off.

Said girl chuckled as she heard Denki's voice rise through her headphones as they continued killing zombies in front of them. She grimaced as a zombie attacked her from behind her character. Geez, I never get a break in this game.

"Well, to be honest, nothing big really happened besides me getting my acceptance letter from U.A. Just me training and hanging with the fam." He laid back in the comfort of his bed, headphones still on in order to hear his cousin.

"Aah, already training, hero boy? That's why you haven't been visiting me lately." Y/N pouted and crossed her arms as her TV screen turned black, returning her to the main page of the game.

"Man, we suck at this game!" Denki laughed out loud as he saw how long they lasted in the last round. Y/N smiled and let out a small giggle of her own as she placed down her controller.

"Yeah, how long have we had this game for? It still feels like it's our first time playing this." Denki cracked a smile, even though Y/N couldn't see him.

"Hey, sorry for not being able to come to the hospital. Getting ready for U.A. is no joke, haha." Denki rubbed the nape of his neck, eyebrows scrunching up with regret. 

"Nah nah, it's fine! I understand that you have things to do. You have big plans for the future." Y/N brushed a strand of her hair away from her face, looking down at the needles that were plunged into her arms. Her eyes were clouded with an emotion she often felt when talking with Denki. She always felt guilty whenever the feeling came around.

"Must be nice to be able to achieve your dreams." Jealousy. She hated the feeling she got every now and then, but you couldn't really blame her. She lost everything in only a couple of months. Silence passed between the two teenagers, Y/N finally realizing what she said.

"Uh s-sorry about that! I didn't mean to say that alou-" Y/N was cut off by Denki's soft voice.

"Y/N, it's... okay to feel like that. I don't understand what you have been going through, but I know that you shouldn't bring yourself down for something you can't control. You're such an amazing person and to be honest. . ." Denki paused as Y/N's eyes began to glaze over.

"I'm doing this for me and you. You always encouraged me to take any opportunity by, as you like to say, the neck. I-I wanna make you proud, y'know? I wanna make it feel like you're a part of this crazy world, even if you're not really here, walking with me through it all."

Y/N’s lips wobbled as she let out a watery laugh. She hunched over, small tears falling down her face. To someone else, this would've boosted their ego, but to Y/N, those words meant the world to her. No one had ever said that to her before. She felt like she had a purpose in this wretched life of hers. She sniffles were heard by Denki

"H-hey! It's okay, p-please don't cry!" Y/N heard shuffling coming from Denki as he reassured her to not cry.

"I mean it. I only wish you could be there though, it would be so much cooler!" Denki smiled, trying to lighten up the mood. Y/N's sniffles slowly quieted down as she let out a soft laugh that made his heart swell with joy. At least he can make her laugh.

"I'm s-sorry, but no one has ever told me t-that." Small hiccups came from the girl as she calmed down, taking deep breaths to slow her heart rate. Won't want doctors to come rushing in just to see her crying over something so small.

⋆

"I-I'm just really happy you said that." Denki's heart clenched at those words, his chin trembling every now and then. He knew that Y/N wasn't happy with where she was. She had even admitted that she had urges to rip out the needles and slowly lose her life from there. Denki spent the rest of that night talking to her after. To say he was concerned was an understatement. He was terrified when she told him.

⋆

"I think us being able to play games together is already enough!" They both laughed and talked for a couple of minutes before deciding to to hang up. 

"Y/N, I mean it when I say I want you to be happy, okay? I hope you feel better tomorrow. Buh-bye!" Y/N said her goodbye to Denki, hanging up and closing the laptop that sat on a movable table. 

Her smile slowly left her face, leaving her staring blankly at the pure white wall and mirror in front of her. When visitors were gone, her window would turn to a mirror so no one would disturb her. Y/N took a good look at herself and only sighed. Despite being as healthy as she could get, she looked a bit on the thin side, this complimenting her skin. Running a hand through her hair, she untangled the little knots that had formed there.

"Geez, what happened to you girl? You look like a zombie." Y/N looked at the zombie game and cringed.

"Literally."  Just then the door to her room opened and shut quickly, the air filter turning on when a female doctor entered. Y/N watched her carefully as she checked the IV that connected to her arm. The protective suit never made Y/N feel better about her condition.

"Are you alright, Ms. L/N?" The light, stern voice rang through her ears as she looked at the woman in front of her. Y/N gave the doctor a grin.

"Never been better."

It had been an hour since the doctors had turned the lights off, but Y/N didn't feel the slightest bit of exhaustion. She had been sitting in the pitch black room for the time being and was really debating on turning on the TV.

"Ahh, fudge it." Instinctively reaching out for the remote, she turned on the TV and winced as the bright light hit her.

Looking back to the screen, she chose the option of going online and waited for other players to join. While waiting, a new character popped up next to her and she could only smirk at their username. Tapping on her mic, she decided to make conversation with them to see if they also had a mic.

"Now, what to play. What to play..." Y/N had settled for playing OverWatch since she didn't feel like playing any story type games. No cliffhangers tonight, Y/N thought. As the game loaded, she laid back and began thinking about cheesecake. When was the last I ate strawberry cheesecake? Great, now I want some. Thinking about eating cheesecake made her excited about the next day.

"Well hello, dear ol' '​​​​​King Explosion Murder_1.' Nice name you got there." Y/N chuckled as she said the name out loud, seeing another player enter.

"Hello 'Tape Dispenser?' What's with the wack name?" The girl’s eyes crinkled as she smiled at their name, hearing the user chuckle through her headphones. '​​​​​​King Explosion Murder' still had yet to reply, but that didn't bother her. They're either using the bathroom or don't have a mic. 

"The name was inspired by my quirk. But what's up with '_DeathGirl_', huh? You good?"  Y/N could only laugh at what he said. She should really send him a friend request.

"I’m honestly great, a little tired, but great! I just gotta make up a name, y'know? But your quirk has to do with tape? I don't know if that's wicked or useless." The boy laughed while Y/N laughed as well, losing her grip on her controller. That was until a gruff voice interrupted their laughing session.

"Shut the fuck up, your annoying ass voices are giving me a damn headache." Finally, after being silent, 'King Explosion Murder_1' spoke up.

"Aah, so you do talk. I don't know why you didn't say anything sooner Mr. Explosion Murder." The other player could only sneer at what she said, hitting his desk with his fist. Another player had joined, Y/N only noticing.

"Ah, hello 'Sleep Deprived Controller!'" Said player made their character wave, making Y/N chuckle. While they had their interaction, 'King Explosion Murder' was shouting at her, now realizing that she wasn't paying attention to what he was saying.

"Hey! Listen to me when I'm fucking talking to you, emo bitch!" Y/N’s eyes widened, soon rolling her eyes, watching the game load as they were placed into a match. What's his damn problem?

"Hey man, no need to go calling people names now." 'Tape Dispenser' nervously chuckled as he heard the other player growl. Y/N sported a shocked face as she heard this. What is he, a dog??? 

"Outta this conversation, extra!" Tape dude could only deadpan at what he was just called. Who calls people extras?? I’m not an extra, in fact I think I’m- 'Sleep Deprived Controller' listened with an annoyed expression on their face, wishing they could shut their shouting teammate up. Damn, wish I actually had a mic.

The game began as all the players separated, going their own way to kill their enemies. Everyone was in the zone, getting items and yelping every now and then if they were attacked. The first to go down was 'Tape Dispenser', then 'Sleep Deprived Controller', leaving both Y/N and 'King Explosion Murder' left on their team. Y/N smirked at their winning team, only one player was left on the other team. Just as the game was going to end, the opposing player shot down 'Explosion Murder', killing him.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUU-" His mic cut off, causing the two players with mics in a cackling mess. Y/N calmed down, remembering she was still playing, trying to hunt down the last player. Finally, after many curses by a certain player and cheering from another, she located her enemy. 

"You better fucking win this or I'll kill you." Knowing he didn't mean that last part, she only focused on the first part. You better win this. Those words echoed through her head as she stopped aiming for the player. She hated being told what to do.

"Ah, so you're one of those people." Not knowing what she meant, they only watched with wide eyes at what she did. Y/N jumped down next to the enemy, shooting them twice with her weakest gun, signaling them that she was there. Quickly, the other player shot her character down, killing her. They lost the game.

"THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?! WE COULD'VE FUCKING WON!" Explosion Murder wasn't taking defeat easily like the other two were. Y/N could only give a grunt of disapproval towards the loud player.

"Ha, why did you just give up right there? You could've easily killed him." Tape Dispenser was just as confused as the other two players, slightly disappointed at the loss. Y/N sighed as she rubbed her forehead.

"Sorry not sorry, but this dude really thought he could get away with telling me what to do. I'll make my move when I'm ready, sorry to disappoint you guys." She sighed as she rubbed her neck, ready to hear the disapprovals of her teammate. But what she heard and saw made her smile.

"Nah, it's fine. It can get a tiny bit annoying with Murder yelling in your ear." Tape Dispenser reassured her, with Sleep Deprived's character giving her a thumbs up. Though, the annoyed sigh caught her attention back to him. Her eyebrow twitched. What is it now?

"I'm done with this fucking sappy shit scene. I'm out." Those were Murder's last words before he disconnected, leaving them in an awkward silence before Y/N stifled a giggle.

"I have a feeling that won't be the last time I'm seeing him." Tape Dispenser chuckled while Sleep Deprived's character shook their head, making Y/N softly laugh. After sending friend requests to both people, she bid them both fair well and left.

Y/N turned off her console and tv, putting the controllers on the table near her. She laid down in the comfort of her bed, thinking about her interactions with the people she met. She smiled, closing her eyes and drifting into a dreamless slumber with only one thought in mind. 

King Explosion Murder is such a weird name.

[anobscurename]

ocean eyes – chris evans

previous part: PART XIX — masterlist

concept: you finally have had enough. the slowest of slow burns. part twenty of many.

pairing: chris evans x reader

word count: 2,4k

warnings: you might cry; i know i did. angst.

author's note: i needed my comedic relief comfort characters for this one in the beginning tbh cause... well... you'll see. this one is for @miss-jackson500 because i haven't dedicated one to her yet and she's? amazing?!

You had wondered – for the days that followed – that if maybe the rescheduled meet-up hadn't been cut short by Anthony, if things would be different.

You came to the conclusion that all that really would've been different was that you'd know a little less.

"You're finally going to do it, huh?" Anthony grinned from across the pool table. You had, according to the original plan, all come together at the old bar where you'd first met the two. "You're going to tell him how you feel?"

"Is it a bad idea?" You asked, missing your shot. Your mind was heavily distracted, and it was showing through. You were usually wiping the floor with the duo, but now you were losing four balls to one.

"No, no, it's a fantastic idea," Anthony bent down to line up his next shot. "Tell her it's a fantastic idea, Seb. Better yet, tell me who the Black Widow should be with."

Sebastian, who had been sat to the side, waiting for his turn, rolled his eyes and took a swig of his beer. "I admit nothing until I see a ring."

"Speaking of rings!" Anthony jumped up excitedly – either from the prospect of marriage or the thrill of pocketing his ball, leaving team Falcon and Winter Soldier with just the black on the table – "I'm thinking a round cut two carat, set in rose gold? Colour scheme would he lavender, of course, because as best man–"

"You can get fucked if you think you're going to be best man."

"Of course I'm best man! Look at me, I'm the bestest man around, I'm fine as–"

"You can both get fucked if you think there's going to be a wedding," you laughed.

Anthony hissed a curse under his breath as he missed the winning pocket, reluctantly handing the cue off to Sebastian, who hopped off the stool to land gracefully on his feet.

You chalked your cue, determined to not lose yet another game to these dipshits. "I haven't even told him yet, what if he doesn't feel the same way?"

Anthony and Sebastian both looked at you, incredulous. "I mean this with only love, and it comes from a place deep within my heart... Are you blind?"

Sebastian was even balking. "Even I could tell, and I have the social skills of a pineapple."

"Okay, fine! You both are clearly biased, you saw us kiss."

"No, we watched a softcore porno is what we did, y'all devouring each other like that in public–"

He cut himself short, having to laughingly dodge himself out of the reach of your playful slap.

"I'm asking Scott for the final opinion," you proclaimed.

Sebastian rolled his eyes, eager to play and win the game, bouncing the end of the cue on the wooden bar floor. The rubber stop muted the noise.

You opened up the text thread you had been maintaining with the younger Evans. Should I tell Chris?

You didn't need to elaborate, Scott would know what you meant. There was a pause on his end, and you had just been about to put your phone away before his response bubbled up.

Sorry, was just changing your name in my phone to sister-in-law ;)

That was all the answer you needed.

You finished the game – you lost, mind overrun with giddiness and the odds having been stacked against you long before – and you were hugging Anthony goodbye.

When you'd asked where he was headed, he'd just given you a sly wink and a "wouldn't you like to know."

That left just you and Sebastian, and you decided to walk him back to his hotel before heading home.

"How long you going to be in L.A. for?" You'd asked, just to make conversation.

"A week or so, maybe? And then I'm jetting back to New York. I haven't been home in so long, I think the dust has taken over my lease."

You chuckled, and continued on in a pleasant silence.

You gave him a departing hug in the lobby, and hailed a cab back to Chris'.

You were so high on the exhilaration of finally telling him and ending this will they/won't they charade once and for all. So excited, you'd nearly missed the unfamiliar Bentley in the driveway on your way in.

But it didn't go unnoticed.

You came in, greeted happily by a yapping Dodger, and the smell that hit you was one of Valentino perfume – overpowering the usual scent of Chris lingering in the house.

"Hey, Dodge," you whispered, giving him a vigorous petting session. "Where's Chris? Where's your dad?"

Dodger gave your hand a wet lick, slobbering over your keys, and you laughed lightly.

The door to the pool was open, and you could hear splashing and giggling – pitched more feminine than you'd ever heard Chris go.

Curiosity killed the cat. And satisfaction was never going to resurrect the plummet of your excitement. No, that was replaced by shock and anger. Even if you knew you had no right to feel that way.

"Chris?" You'd called out as you padded across the lounge. "Chris, whose car is in the driveway? I have something I–"

Blindsided, your slobber slick keys fell from your hand to jangle uselessly onto the ground. It was that that finally grabbed his attention.

He had been otherwise excruciatingly preoccupied with the topless girl in his lap, legs locked around his waist in a languid grind, his hands smoothing over her curves as they all but explored each other's tonsils in a moaning kiss.

Red flashed across your vision as well as your cheeks, and you ducked your head. Embarrassed and feeling stupid, you quickly grabbed your keys. "I'm sorry, I'll go..."

You quickly turned and dashed to your room, ignoring the tears in your eyes, and the call of your name.

"{Your name}, wait!" Chris cried, water sloshing as he clambered out of the pool. "{Your name}!"

You slammed the door shut behind you, making it clear you wanted isolation. Pulling out a duffel bag, you began throwing clothes into it, careless of what you might need, just needing to leave.

Sebastian had asked you once how much more you were going to put yourself through before you'd had enough.

And this was it. This was the breaking point. This was enough.

The strength in which Chris frantically ripped open your door had it banging against the adjacent wall, but you couldn't even look at him. Your eyes were blurry as you continued violently packing your clothes.

You didn't even know where you were going to go. You just knew you had to. Go.

"{Your name}, stop," he said, soft in direct comparison to the panic he felt in his chest. You were leaving him. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" You spat out. And then, just to change the subject, because not even you could bare to dwell on it too much: "You're getting water on your floor."

"{Your name}–"

"Don't talk to me, Chris. Rest your tongue a bit, it sure was busy earlier."

"As was yours, too, I'm sure," he bit back.

Your movements stuttered at the reciprocated rage. To your knowledge, he had no right to feel as you did in that moment. None.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

There was provocation in his eyes, and his searing gaze only fuelled your fire.

"Have fun with Sebastian?"

Your scoff was followed by a bewildered laugh. "I went out tonight with Sebastian and Anthony, Chris. We're friends. Welcome to the world of platonic relationships, professor, we've been waiting for your arrival."

And like the cut strings on a puppet, tension left his body – anger being replaced by confusion.

"I... I thought..."

"You thought wrong, Evans," you seethed, pushing past him to the bathroom to grab your toiletries. You made an effort to bump him, your shirt sticking to your skin with the water droplets still dotting his toned body. "And to think I really thought..."

"Thought what?" His voice cracked out.

"Thought that you might actually care about me!" You finally snapped. You were yelling. You didn't want to yell, but you were, voice echoing in the acoustics of the bathroom.

"I do," he whispered. His conviction was quickly draining from him, being replaced with an inevitable sadness and feeling of loss. You hadn't even left yet, but he knew that nothing he was going to say would make you stay. He knew he'd gone too far. It didn't stop him from trying. "I loved you, {your name}. I still do."

You had hoped that if he ever was to say those words, it would be under different circumstances. In fact, you'd found yourself imagining whole sunset beach scenarios, late into the night.

"I thought you were better than that, Chris. Manipulation? That's low."

"It's true. I've loved you–"

You didn't want to hear it. You weren't going to give him the opportunity of persuading you into staying. You knew you should've left long ago. "I can't say the feeling is mutual."

It was a lie. It was a lie, because if you really had felt nothing, then you wouldn't be acting like this. But you needed the upper hand, because Chris had basically knocked you over with the force of his admittance. You couldn't let yourself be dragged back in. Not this time. You had too much self respect for that. Not when he still had lipstick smudged on his lips, disappearing into the scruff that shadowed his jaw.

You had to avoid looking at his pained expression at your words. No matter how much you were hurting now at his profession of love, you knew he might possibly be hurting a little more at your rejection.

"And if you really did..." You trailed off, struggling to say the words love me. "Well, you have a really funny way of showing it."

"Pretending not to love you is the hardest role I've taken on, and I did it for you."

Red was dancing back into your vision, your shock growing alongside the fury.

"How is that for me?"

"Because that's what you wanted!" He was finding his voice again, raising it in his desperation. "Believe me, I wanted to fight for you. I would, would wage wars for you," he stuttered out. "But you never wanted that from me. You wanted to pull away, from this, from us. And I let you because I would do anything you asked of me."

"So you stayed away because you wanted to keep me?" You worded it slowly, just to make him understand how ridiculous it sounded.

"...Yes."

"Are you stupid? Actually mentally deficient?" You zipped your bag, brushing past him again, this time making sure to have as little contact as possible. He all but occupied the whole doorway.

"If I had told you then you would have left!" He was following you now, following you to the front door. "I told you I wanted you in my life, even if it meant the pain of never having you."

You had hoped to slam the door in his face to make your point known, but where Chris had slacked in fighting for you before, he was making up for now. He caught the door before it could close, trailing after you into the driveway.

"There's something wrong with me. I ruin things. So I let you have your space because you are the greatest thing that has happened to me in a long time, and I'd be fucked if I ruined you too!"

"It's a bit too late for that," you said, finally looking him in those ocean eyes. They were bloodshot with barely restrained tears. But your resolve was iron. "Congratulations, Evans. You've ruined me."

You heard Dodger pawing at the door, whining low and long for you. If you thought leaving Chris was hard, this was what made you break.

But you turned away from them, from that house, tears falling freely. A sob escaped your lips, barely stifled.

"Put on a shirt, Evans," you managed to get out. You wanted the last word, even if it brought very little satisfaction. "You have company."

———————

Your first call was to Anthony. He hadn't picked up, and you remembered his other plans.

The second also went unanswered – the friend who had become a self proclaimed L.A. local upon graduating high school, and who had let you crash at their house when you'd first arrived. She was probably at work, and so you left her a quick voicemail asking her to call you back.

The third did, on only the second ring. You had almost lost hope in anyone else being awake at that point, so you hadn't composed yourself before he picked up.

The first thing he heard was your sob, which you quickly cut off with a greeting.

"What's wrong?"

"Can I crash with you tonight? I need somewhere to go."

"What happened? Did–?"

"I don't want to talk about it," you said quickly. He shut up almost immediately. "I just... Please?"

There was a pensive silence on the other end, and you felt the need to fill it.

"I tried Anthony, but he wasn't picking up."

"Yeah," came the small chuckle crackling on the other end. "He's got a hot date tonight. Must be going well."

"I wouldn't do this if I had anywhere else to go, but I don't, and it'll only be for one night–"

"Of course you can stay," he assured, sushing you softly. "Can't believe I made you ask twice."

————————

Sebastian met you in the lobby, taking you up to his room almost immediately to avoid strange looks and any unwanted public attention.

He explained to you in the elevator that although he had tried to get you your own room, the hotel was fully booked. He sounded quite apologetic for that.

You didn't say much, because if you spoke, you were scared you were going to start crying all over again. And you'd just managed to stop, averting your eyes from your teadstained appearance in the mirrors.

Sebastian's room was a big one, on the pricier end of all the hotel had to offer. A large king sized bed stood to one side, bedsheets twisted as if he'd clambered into it right when he'd gotten back.

There was a lounge suite to the side, looking like a set-up you'd see on the glossy pages of Architectural Digest, and although the curtains were drawn, you could see the city lights sprawling out before you through the crack.

He was still in his outfit from the bar, shirt and jeans slightly rumpled.

The television was on, playing the original Nosferatu quietly in the background.

"I'll take the couch," Sebastian offered, dropping off the bags he'd taken from you.

You declined him with a shake of your head.

"{Your name}," he said, tender, placing both his hands on your shoulders to make you look at him. "You've been through a lot tonight. Take the bed, I've got the couch."

You didn't have the strength to fight his insistence. You didn't have the strength for much any more.

When you'd gotten out the shower, dressed in your pyjamas, Sebastian finally asked you again what had happened.

You just shrugged tiredly, climbing between the cool cotton sheets.

"I just had enough."

[roguerogerss]

A Long Day of Saving Your Ass

(gif isn’t mine, creds to the owner!)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Plot: “Hi darlin! If you’re still taking requests could you do a Bucky x reader where she gets her ass saved from literal death by Bucky during a mission and she refuses to leave his side on the way back or at the tower? And he gives her a back/foot massage to make her nerves calm down aaand they may or may not share a kiss bc they like each other? I hope that makes sense, tysm! 💞” - requested by anon

W/C: 2.3k

Warnings: mentions of fights/blood/kinda ptsd but not really? she’s pretty much just really shaken up and Bucky’s cute and protective as hell about it. also kinda sexual themes towards the end, no smut or anything though it’s all fluff!

(A/N: first of all, thank you so much for all of the love on my last fic, it really really does mean the world and that was just totally insane. okay, so, this request only came in yesterday, but I was so in love with the concept and had this wave of ideas for what I could write, and so here it is! thank you so much for this one, bby! as always, requests are open for any marvel boy you want, plus any of the stranger things boys. i do smut too hehe. any feedback is so welcome and appreciated, it really helps! please like and reblog!)

————

The quinjet was ready to take off, engine on, Steve behind the wheel. But Y/N wasn't there yet. They'd been holding off on leaving, giving her time to get out and the opportunity to do it without help, but Bucky had been antsy since he'd gotten on the vehicle and realised that she wasn't there.

It wasn't exactly a secret that he liked her, in a way that he hadn't really liked anyone in over seventy years. He'd never admitted it to anyone, not even to himself out loud, but you have to have a certain level of intelligence and basic sight to join the Avengers in the first place, and it wasn't hard to figure out.

Y/N was oblivious to it, rolling her eyes whenever Natasha teased her about 'Bucky's little crush', never taking it seriously. If she'd known that they were really serious about it, she wouldn't have hesitated to make a move. She was inherently forward, had no sense of shame whatsoever, it was common knowledge that she would've said something, at the very least.

"Hey, Y/N, where are you right now?" Bucky spoke into the intercoms, earning wide eyed glances from the rest of the team. They knew that she hated being rushed, hated being babied even more, and the fact that Bucky was doing both was probably about to blow up in all of their faces.

There were obvious sounds of struggle on her end as she answered back with a grunt, "South side, got ten guys on my case. Think I can handle it, though."

"We're ready to leave, Y/N." Bucky grunted, leaning forward in his seat and chewing at his lip. He was met back with a crash and a strangled groan from the assassin, making him shoot up and towards the exit of the ship.

"Bucky, where are you going? She'll kill you if you try to help her-" Tony was standing now, too, worried about his teammate, but figuring that she'd find some way out. Bucky shook his head and pressed the button to open the escape hatch.

"She's going to die if I don't help her, Stark. Keep the engine running, we'll be back in a second." And he was gone with that. Steve closed the hatch, radioing to Bucky to 'keep in touch' as he did so.

Bucky pulled his machine gun from the holster on his back, shooting two guards that were stationed at the front entrance of the Hydra base that they'd sneakily infiltrated, managing to only cause a few minor scenes. He was inside and backed against a wall, scoping out his route to the south side of the building, without wasting a second.

His feet pounded on the metal stairs as he made his way down to where they'd been earlier, where he knew that Y/N still was, and he looked around himself cautiously, gears in his arm turning.

He could hear the fight before he could see it, and he could tell from the noises that Y/N wasn't doing so well. A lot of crashing, thuds, groans mostly from her. The sight wasn't exactly easy to look at either, she was covered in blood, slumped against a wall and kicking her legs wildly while one of the agents held a gun to her temple.

Bucky knew that he had to act fast, and so he shot the agent with the gun without giving away his position, and then proceeded to open fire on the rest of them, trusting in the fact that Y/N knew how to dodge a bullet.

When he was sure that the agents were dead, each one of them crumpled in heaps on the floor, he slung his gun back over his shoulder and ran for Y/N, who let out a relieved sigh upon seeing Bucky. "Oh my God, Buck." She whispered. She wasn't sure what she meant by the words, what she wanted to convey in them, but he seemed to pick up just fine as he wrapped his arms around her shaking and compacted body.

"You're okay, I've got you." He rested his head on top of hers for a second, breathing heavy, just allowing himself to enjoy how it felt to have his body draped over hers. "We've gotta go, okay?"

"I can't run." She said assertively, knowing that there was no way that she'd be able to get up and run like hell, like Bucky seemingly wanted her to. He nodded once, gave her an apologetic smile, and then scooped her up into his arms without another word.

She scrambled to grip onto his black jacket, a gasp leaving her mouth as he picked her up from the floor, flesh arm supporting the backs of her knees and the metal one around her shoulders. He chuckled at her reaction, the way that she white-knuckled the leather of his combat jacket. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna drop you."

"How do you expect me to believe that?" She croaked, trying her hardest to be her usual, sardonic self, but failing miserably as she realised just how fast and hard her heart was beating.

"Because I just saved you from at least ten guys who wanted to kill you within a minute, I'm not dropping you." Bucky replied as he ascended the stairs and she buried her face in his chest, the smell of his cologne relaxing her. He allowed a soft smile to cross his face, bringing his metal hand to her head and almost rocking her like an infant or a small child who had a nightmare.

For Tony saying that she hated being 'babied', she seemed to enjoy it when it was coming from Bucky.

They were back at the ship within a few minutes. Steve had taken off, and Bucky had gone to sit in the back of the ship on his own. Or at least, he'd wanted to sit in the back of the ship on his own, but Y/N was so shaken up and had looked at him like she was a lost puppy when he'd tried to leave her alone, and so he smiled and told her to come with him.

Everyone else had looked between themselves, grinning like mad. "He really likes her." Steve commented and Natasha nodded.

"She really likes him, I'm well aware of that fact." She said.

"I've never seen The Winter Soldier so caring. And, was that - sorry if this seems outlandish - a smile? On Bucky Barnes' face? Surely not." Tony pitched in, leaning back in his chair while his friends laughed.

Meanwhile, Y/N was curled up in a chair, chewing at her fingernails and dabbing at her bloody face with a wet cloth that Bruce had given her the second that she'd gotten on the ship. Bucky watched her, his heart breaking at the way that her hands shook as she brought them to her face, at the way that her entire body shook.

"Hey." He placed a tender and soothing hand on her back, rubbing gentle circles there. "It's okay, you're safe now."

She gave him a wobbly smile that didn't quite reach her eyes and placed her hand over his, allowing him to interlock their fingers. "Yeah. Safe now."

————

She still hadn't left his side, apart from briefly so that she could take a shower. He'd offered to come back to her room with her when she'd hovered around the lounge while everyone else had already dispersed, reminding her that no one was going to hurt her.

She was laying on her bed, hair wet and wearing nothing but a big shirt, while Bucky sat awkwardly on the edge of it, twisting the sheets between his fingers. "You don't have to sit there, you know. I have a sofa, or you can sit back."

Bucky shook his head and looked round at her, she was still visibly shaking, eyes darting around to show just how on edge she was. "It's fine, darlin'. M'fine." His voice was more ragged than he'd expected it to be. "I'm just here to make sure that you're okay."

"Well," She held her arms out, "Come here, that'd make me feel okay." It was a bold move, one that told of her feelings towards Bucky, but she didn't mind much, figuring that he probably wouldn't decline her.

He chuckled, shaking his head at her, but still, kicked his boots off and lay down next to her, allowing her to wrap her arms tightly around his torso and press her cheek over his heart. "Hey, you're okay, sweetheart." He stroked her hair. "There's nothing to be on edge about, yeah? I've got you."

"Yeah. Yeah, I know. Sorry, I don't know why I'm so freaked out." Her breathing was picking back up again, so Bucky shushed her and pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head, something that drove the butterflies in her stomach wild.

"It's okay, baby." The nickname just added to the way that her stomach fluttered, and she swallowed hard to try to forget about it. "Hey, how about I do something that'll relax you, yeah?"

"And what would that be, Barnes?" She smirked mischievously and he laughed at her.

"Lay on your stomach." He removed his arm from around her shoulders, and she looked at him with one eyebrow raised, obviously thinking that he was implying something way more forward than what he was actually implying. "Woah, no, no, no. I give good back massages, metal arm and all."

She laughed, throwing her head back into the pillows at the headboard of her bed. "Oh my God, Bucky. I hate you so much." She breathed out, flipping over so that she was laying on her stomach, back exposed to him.

"Can I pull your shirt up, or?" Bucky whispered, running his hands up and down the back of her t-shirt, and she nodded.

His breath hitched in his throat and he found himself struggling to think straight when he lifted the hem of her large shirt, to show that she was only wearing a pair of black panties underneath. She didn't seem to mind, so he didn't mention it, even though his breathing was hindered as he trailed his hands from the small of her back to her shoulders, thumbs rubbing circles as he did so.

She sighed and could've sworn that her eyes rolled back into her head as she relaxed into his touch, one hand cold and the other warm. She understood what he meant when he said that he was good at giving back massages.

"Feel okay?" He asked softly, swallowing hard. She nodded again.

"My God, Bucky, feels fucking amazing." She moaned, and he hated himself when his stomach flipped upon hearing her. "You're so good at that."

He had to stop when she said that, hands still on her shoulders but unmoving, just sitting still. He couldn't think about anything else other than sex when she was moaning like that, something that he wanted to punch himself for. It was such a tender moment, she was scared and so vulnerable, and all that was going through his brain were those thoughts.

"You okay?" She asked, and when he didn't answer she flipped back over, sitting in front of him. He looked like he'd seen a ghost as his tongue darted out to lick over his bottom lip. She reached a hand out, caressing his cheek gently to bring him back to reality. "Bucky?"

"Can I kiss you?" The words were leaving his mouth before he even knew what to do with them, what they meant and how she'd react. As soon as he realised what he'd said, he had his face in his hands, shaking his head. "Shit, sorry."

"No. No, Bucky, don't apologise. Look at me." She wrapped her fingers around his wrist, prying his hands away from his face. "Yes. Of course you can kiss me."

He furrowed his eyebrows, wondering if what she'd just said was real. She was looking into his eyes so intently, staring at the light blue rings around his pupils, realising how pretty they really were now that she was this close. "Kiss me." She whispered, and Bucky took no hesitation in complying to what she was asking of him.

His lips were on hers, and they were so gentle and soft, gliding against hers effortlessly. He pulled her closer to him with a hand on her back, the other cupping her cheek lovingly. His tongue had soon slipped between her lips, earning a soft little whine from her, as his tongue met hers and they worked out how to move them together in harmony.

She eventually pulled back, breathless, and simply grinned at him before laying back and pulling him with her. They resumed their earlier position, her arms wrapped firmly around his waist, his arm around her shoulders, her head on his chest while his hand stroked her hair. "Relaxed?" He laughed and she smiled and nodded.

"I'll get goin', it's late and you look tired, princess." Another nickname, another flourish from the butterflies in the pit of her stomach. Just as Bucky was getting up to leave, she grabbed onto his shirt and pulled him back to her, snuggling back up to his chest.

"Stay. Please."

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Eighty-Nine

Words: 4.1k

Warning(s): explicit language, violence, mentions of drug abuse

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I've never seen Nikki like this. I've rarely seen him cry, I've never seen him cry sober, and I've never even known it was possible for him to let himself cry like this. 

He's sobbing an excruciatingly painful cry, head between his knees, hands in his hair. 

Is this how he felt when I was locked in the bathroom for hours, screaming and crying and wailing out sorrow after learning about him and Vanity? Helpless and shitty, knowing he'd go back and change what he did if he could but knowing that telling me that wouldn't make me feel any better? 

I don't say anything. Amber doesn't say anything. We both just let him get it all out.

Minutes later, when he starts trying to calm down, he slowly wipes his eyes and glances up at me, before he starts up again, shaking his head, hanging his head low once again. 

"Vivian," Amber says softly over him and I look at her. "Go to him." She mouths, motioning to him and I raise my brows. 

Has she lost her fucking mind? He's probably pissed and distraught enough to choke me out, right now. He probably hates me, and I don't blame him. 

"Go." She mouths, sternly, waving her hand in his direction and I take a heavy breath and slowly get out of my seat and very carefully step to him.

"Nikki," I say weakly, getting on my knees,  my shaking hand rubbing his shoulder. 

He wraps his arms around me, tight, pulling me to him, burying his face into my shoulder. 

"I'm sorry." He tells me, and I squeeze my eyes shut, squeezing him. 

"It's not your fault, Nikki, it's not your fault." I assure him, holding back my own tears. 

"Yes, it is. I'm sorry, Vivian."  He argues through his tears. 

We just hold each other, and when he calms down a little bit, Amber calmly says, "Nikki, why are you so upset over this?" 

She knows why, she just wants him to confirm. 

He pulls away from me and sniffles and I wipe his stray tears with my thumbs before reaching to her desk where she's holding out her box of tissues for me to grab. 

"Because I know it's my fault." 

"Why do you think it's your fault?"

"Because I had an affair, first, and she went to him because she was really hurt." He shakily lets out, trying to bring himself back down from his hysteria. 

"Nikki, look at your wife." Amber says to him and he looks me in the eyes, obviously struggling not to look away. "Repeat after me, alright?" 

He nods. 

"Vivian, I'm sorry." She starts and more tears topple from his eyes. 

"Vivian, I'm--" He takes a breath. "I'm sorry." 

"That I made you feel," 

"That I made you feel," 

"Like you had no other choice," 

"Like you had no other choice,"

"But to go have sex with someone else,"

"But to go have sex with someone else,"

"Despite it being no fault of my own," 

"Despite it being…" He closes his eyes and sighs, as if trying to make this part engrain into his mind, "...no fault of my own," 

"Despite you being in charge of your body and what you do with it," 

"Despite you being in charge of your body and what you do with it," 

"I am so sorry."

"I am so sorry." 

"Please, forgive me."

"Please, forgive me." 

"Now, Vivian." Amber says to me, next, and I sniffle, looking at her. "Look at your husband." 

I look at him and rub my lips together, nervously. 

"Repeat after me." She adds and I nod. "Nikki, I'm sorry." 

"Nikki, I'm sorry." 

"That I made an irrational decision," 

"That I made an irrational decision,"

"After years of hiding hurt and pain and heartbreak because of your irrational decisions,"

"After years of hiding hurt and pain and heartbreak because of your irrational decisions," 

"But this is not your fault," 

"But this is not your fault," 

"I no longer want to blame my mistakes on others,"

"I no longer want to blame my mistakes on others," 

"You did not force me to get in bed with someone else," 

"You did not force me to get in bed with someone else," 

"You just made me feel like I didn't have a choice,"

"You just made me feel like I didn't have a choice,"

"Because the pain of learning of your affair,"

"Because the pain of learning of your affair," 

"Put an irrational thought and sought out decision in my mind and I could not help myself enough to extinguish it."

"Put an irrational thought and sought out decision in my mind and I could not help myself enough to extinguish it."

"Please, forgive me."

"Please, forgive me." 

"Okay," Amber nods, her voice soothing, "Nikki, what it is that you need to tell Vivian before you two continue to work on this relationship." 

It's clear that this is something he's already discussed with her, and I wait patiently as he exhales, very, very, heavily. 

I can't imagine what it looked like from outside the door of Amber's office. If a passerby happened to peek in the small little window of the door…

"Roxy, Vanity, Donna…" I shakily state. 

I'm not in a ball, pleading with God to kill me like I was when I first found out he had dared to see another woman, but now that I know better…

"...And some others." His tears are dry now, as if he's mustering up all of his macho manliness to brace for impact when I start trying to hit him. 

"Some others?" I clench my jaw, my nails digging into his jeans where they're resting over his kneecaps and he rubs his face. 

"A few others." He says next, avoiding a definite number. 

"How many is a 'few'?" I grit out and he looks at Amber. 

"Tell her." She encourages him, sternly. 

"Nikki," 

He lets out a breath and he clears his throat. 

"If a 'few' were to have a number, about how many would it be that you've had some exchange that would be considered cheating in your wife's mind, from the time you got married to now." Amber adds. 

"Around two-hundred." He admits. 

I think he's kidding at first, over exaggerating or being sarcastic because I can't fathom sleeping with two hundred people in four years while in a supposed committed relationship. 

"You're full of shit." I let out a terrified chuckle and he closes his eyes for a second. "Seriously, Nikki, what's the number?" 

"Why does it matter? You're staying with him after one, aren't you?" Amber asks and I look at her. 

"Maybe a little more than that, maybe a little less, I didn't try to keep count." He mumbles.

"Y-You've slept with…you…" I feel a prickling, scalding heat all over my skin. 

I get myself away from him to try to calm myself down, but I can't. 

It's like putting baking soda and vinegar together. 

"Nikki, why did you do that?" Is all I can get out that isn't about how much I hate him right now. 

"The same reason you went to him. Because I felt like I didn't have any other option and I was desperate." 

"Desperate for what?!" I demand, enraged, now. 

"Vivian," Amber starts but I completely cut her short. 

"I went to Duff because I had spent years in a marriage with a junkie that did everything he could to choose drugs over me and throw me to the fucking wolves!" 

"And I spent years in a marriage to an ungrateful bitch that I couldn't ever make happy!" He snaps next, standing up. 

"I would've been plenty happy had you sobered the fuck up!" 

"You'd lay in bed for weeks at a time and refuse to take your fucking medication and then wouldn't even let me try to touch you, Vivian, and God fucking knows the times you'd actually let me try to get it in, you'd lay there like sex with me was the most boring chore in the fucking world! And the times you weren't like that, you'd still manage to watch me break my back to make you happy and then spit in my fucking face and act like it wasn't ever gonna be enough, that I wasn't ever gonna be a enough!" 

"I was depressed, Nikki!"

"Trust me, I know, I fucking know!" He shouts back. 

An ear piercing screech makes us both shut up and wince, and I see Amber holding an airhorn. 

"I don't yell." She states, a brow raised as she looks at us. "Sit down. Both of you." She orders next and we both slowly sit down, taking deep breaths. "No wonder you're in such bad shape--neither of you know how to talk to each other. You just talk at each other and start yelling when the other person gets defensive over you talking at them." She snaps, shaking her head a little. "And quit cursing at each other. That's another reason you're in this mess. You're both bitter and poisonous and contaminating each other." She adds, sternly, and we slink down in our chairs. "Vivian, he has shot you, he has strangled you, publicly humiliated you, he has chosen everything under the sun over you, but you draw the line at the fact he's had sex with two-hundred other women?" 

I don't say a word. 

"Why is that the thing that's going to break the camel's back? When you come in here pregnant with another man's baby and got him on his knees crying and telling you it's his fault?" She goes in on me. "Go from crying and boohooing together to calling each other awful names and cursing and 'eff this' and 'eff that' and 'eff you'--can I tell you something? You can't stand each other now but once upon a time you must've really liked whatever it is that drives you crazy about the other person because you chose each other and married each other." She reminds us. "And I know it isn't just the drugs that cause fights because he's completely sober today and you're jumping on him for being honest with you when there's been times he has lied through his teeth to hell and back to you." She looks at me. "And you," she looks at Nikki. "I better not hear you ever call your wife a 'bitch' again. She's not a dog, even though you love to talk to her like she is one."

Again, we're both quiet.

"Vivian, how do you feel about Nikki admitting to you that he's been unfaithful?" She asks. 

"You can't tell how I feel?" I smartly ask. 

"Screaming and cursing isn't explaining how you feel. I don't specialize in translating foolishness--I specialize in helping people heal through positive communication--not verbal abuse." She replies. "Now, how do you feel about what your husband shared with you?" 

"I'm mad." 

"Why?" 

"Because…" I feel tears come to my eyes. 

"Because why?" 

I sniffle. 

"You two talk to each other like you've never had to walk through something and communicate peacefully and calmly about a situation." She says next, handing me a tissue. 

"We haven't, really." Nikki admits while I'm occupied with trying to stop my crying. 

"You've been together for six years, nearly seven, and you've never talked through a disagreement or bump in the road?" 

We both just avoid looking at her. 

"You just yell and scream until one of you finally gives up in the argument and drops it completely?" She asks next. 

"Basically." He says.

"Sex." I add, wiping my nose. "We usually just sleep together and then we're over whatever it is we were fighting about." I explain and she raises her brows.

"I promise you, none of it's been taken care of or gotten over. Anything you've fought about in the past that you tried to fix with sex has all been pent up and built up over the years and has been coming out within the last year, especially, in some form of abuse or neglect to the other person." She informs us. "And that's why you're so angry." She tells me. "Because that is a potent form of intimacy that you have on a pedestal and it's important to you. And while you've been using it over the years as a means to make things right with him, and to try to be intimate with him and reconnect with him while he's been closed off on drugs and not himself, he's been going out and giving it away to whoever." 

I nod because it's true and she nods with me. 

"I know why he went to so many other women and we'll get to that in a moment, why did you start your relationship with the now father of your child?" She asks me calmly.

"Because I was tired." I admit, my tears finally subsiding. "And I was hurt, and I just needed to be with someone who wouldn't hurt me."

"You needed someone who would protect you." 

"Yes." I agree, sniffling. 

"There's a theme that keeps reoccurring with you and it's overexposure and need of protection," She tells me and I nod, "Which is typically what fathers are in charge of in the household so tell me what your dad was like while you were growing up." She says and I lick my lips, smiling, thinking of my dad. 

"The best dad in the world. He'd help me get ready for recitals if my mom couldn't, he'd take me anywhere I needed to go, he'd help me sneak things past my mom like records or clothes she wouldn't approve of or whatever, he'd be there if I needed to talk about anything--with no judgement--he was really good to me, and he still is." I tell her and she nods, smiling. 

"What I'm about to say isn't meant to belittle all the wonderful things he's done for you or undermine the work he's put in to raising you the best he could, but with your incredibly abrasive mother," she starts, "would he ever step in when she was tearing you down or would he just try to keep the peace?" 

"He did a couple times but for the most part he'd just tell me to ignore her and wouldn't start anything with her while she was doing it." 

"So he didn't protect you when he should have?" 

I stop for a moment, and look at her, pointedly. 

"I'm not saying he didn't love you or care for you and didn't look out for you--but when it came to your mother, did he or did he not do everything he could to protect you from her mental, spiritual, and emotional abuse?" 

"No." I breathe out shakily. 

"So you went from a father who didn't protect you and allowed you to be exposed to things you should not have been exposed to, to a husband who didn't protect you and allowed you to be exposed to things you should not have been exposed to." 

I nod again. 

"Do you know why he's had sex with so many women?" 

I shake my head. 

I don't think, "because he hates me," would be an acceptable answer. 

"Do you know why you've had sex with that many women while you were with Vivian?" She asks Nikki and he thinks about it for a second. 

"...I was bored." He says and she chuckles humorlessly. 

"Just a second ago you were throwing in her face that you went where you were going to feel appreciated. So put your ego aside." She states, furrowing her brows. "'I did the drugs because I was bored, I slept with all those women because I was bored, I put my wife through a living hell because I was bored'." She mimics so he can see how he sounds when he says it. "I don't think the man sitting here, crying over his wife getting pregnant with another man, had sex with one other woman, let alone two-hundred just because he was bored." She states, matter of fact. "Put this tough guy persona away and just be honest." 

He gets really quiet, his leg shaking as his foot taps. 

"Do you know the situation with his mother?" She asks me, suddenly. 

"I know the gist of it, he hasn't told me much about it." I tell her and she looks at him. 

"You expect your wife to understand why you do the things you do but you don't give her the information to piece together why you are the way you were brought up to be." She tells him. "We're out of time, but at some point before we meet again on Saturday, I want you to talk about your relationship with your mother." She says and he nods, hesitantly.

I look at him and can't bring myself to even say goodbye to him before I'm getting up and leaving. 

I can barely make it to my car without nearly tripping, tears clouding my vision. 

I get inside and hold my chest, feeling as if my heart is breaking all over again. 

Neither of us know each other anymore. I don't recognize him, not even sober, and I know he doesn't recognize me. 

Is this even worth it after all we've done to each other?

I wrinkle my nose slightly as I put my big toe up the bathtub's water faucet, expecting a big spider or something to bite me. 

Dropping my foot back into the water, I let out a breath. 

I've been sitting in luke warm water that was hot once upon a time. 

Now my skin's pruned and I'm waiting to get the motivation to just get up. 

It's the first attempt at self-care in two days and it's only because Nikki's been wanting to fool around and I haven't felt like it. 

I'm hoping being clean helps me feel like it. 

There's two knocks at the bathroom door before he's barging in, giving me a smile that brings his dimples to life. 

"I have food in the kitchen whenever you get out." He tells me, stepping to the tub, sitting on the edge of it. 

"I'll be there in a little bit." I assure him. 

"That's what you said an hour ago, Vivian." He reminds me harmlessly and I look at him and force myself to smile a tad. 

"Oh." I reply. 

There's a pause between us and he rubs the back of his neck. 

"Vivian, are you okay?" He asks, and I look up at him, forcing myself not to cry, and nod. 

"I'm fine, baby," I lie. "Just tired is all." 

"Still? You've been in bed for, like, nearly three days." He points out. 

"I'm just tired, Nikki." I repeat in the same tone, trying to sound convincing. 

He's not buying it, and when drops of tears push past my lashes, I know I'm no longer selling it. 

"I think maybe you need to get back on your medication." He suggests very quietly, as if saying it too loud is going to cause me to have a meltdown. 

"I don't need to be on it." I argue, wiping my eyes, sniffling and trying to force myself to stop crying.

"Vivian, you're not fucking happy."

"You don't know that." 

"I know when you're happy and when you're not." He points out…"Do I need to get you something or buy something or--"

"--I don't want anything, Nikki." I state.

"Well, I do." He informs me. "I wanna see my wife happy, again, genuinely happy. Not that fake bullshit you put on for me." He clarifies. "So, just--"

"--Get out." I say, shutting him down, not wanting to hear about it. 

He rolls his jaw and nods, getting up and leaving. 

He's back with a glass of water and my bottle of Nardil, putting them both on the side of the tub and standing over me to make sure I take it like he wants me to. 

I look at him, hurt, my brows furrowing, my eyes cutting at him, anger coursing through me as more tears topple down my cheeks and tense up.

"Get out." I repeat. 

"I'm not leaving until you stop being stubborn and take the damn--"

The water is slung at him while the glass is thrown at the mirror as, "get out!" Screeches out of my throat as I open the bottle and try to ring it in the toilet, sending pills flying in all directions while the bottle with a majority of the pills plops into the water all while I'm repeatedly screeching, "get out, get out, get out!" as tears sting my cheeks. 

"Vivian, fuck--" 

I'm hauling myself out of the tub and he avoids my violent intent by finally leaving, slamming the door behind him, and I slip and catch myself on the door knob, making sure to lock it as waves of weight push me to the floor, my chest hurting, my body aching, my spirit crying out to God for mercy.

I should have told him then about my recurrent miscarriages, I just didn't know how to. I just let myself take it and deal with it on my own and he took it as me being batshit crazy and depressed. I was, truthfully, but I had reason to be. I struggled with my medication because I didn't want to have to take a pill to be happy, but I was also beginning to think it was ruining my body and skewering each pregnancy. It wasn't, but I didn't know that, so I'd take it for a while, wean myself off, and ease back into it whenever I felt like I needed to through the years. I don't think I ever went a full complete year without purposely getting myself off of it at least once.

I shut my car door as I get out, raising my brow at the site of Duff's car in my driveway, stepping to the front door. 

I haven't heard anything from him. 

Which I've been prepared not to. I can play the kid off as Nikki's if I have to.

He didn't say anything yesterday when I told him I was pregnant. I mean, literally, nothing. 

I sat for twenty minutes just waiting for him to try to discuss it but all he did was sit and stare off into space, his face ghost white while Mandy excused herself to their room and probably cried the rest of the night. 

I guess he's got something to say, now. 

I go inside, putting my kids on the little table next to the door, kicking my heels off and carrying them in my hand. 

I turn the light on when I get out of the foyer, and see Duff passed out on the couch. 

He's got a vodka bottle tucked under his arm and put my stuff down and go over to him, taking the bottle away before he spills it on the couch. 

He takes in a breath, waking up and rubbing his eyes. 

"Hey, Viv," he tells me, sitting up the best he can, trying to pry the sleep from his eyes. 

I sit on the coffee table across from him, sighing out. 

"Hey, Duff," I reply, looking at him.

"What time is it?" He asks me, next. 

"Four o'clock." I inform him. 

"Oh," he mumbles, being quiet for another moment. "You look pretty." He says next and I smile a little. 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah." He chuckles. "Which I guess that's what got us into this mess in the first place." He adds. "Well, not you being pretty--just me being a dumbass." He slurs, taking a deep breath. 

"Is Mandy okay?"

"Yeaaaah, she's not too happy with me right now." He admits. "I never told her about me and you when we got back together." 

"Oh." I say. 

"Oh." He repeats. 

"You know, Duff, you don't have to do all this…" I start, rubbing my lips together. "...If you're not comfortable with trying to make this work--because it's pretty unconventional--I'm not gonna be upset with you." 

"I had a shitty dad who left my mom to deal with bullshit she shouldn't have had to deal with by herself and I'm not doing that to you. That's fucked up. I did the crime, I can do the time." He states, tiredly. 

"I'm not gonna be by myself," I remind him, "Nikki's upset but he's not disowning me or anything." I add and he scoffs. 

"Of course he isn't." He sighs. "I think Mandy's still gonna stay with me. She hasn't thrown out her ring, so…" 

"Her ring?" I ask him, furrowing my brows. 

"I asked her to marry me yesterday morning." He informs me. 

"Oh, wow, tha-that's great, Duff." 

Was it completely stupid for him to propose to Mandy not even seven weeks after we broke up? Absolutely. Was it completely stupid of him to marry her three months later? Absolutely. Was I going to piss on his parade more than I already had? Absolutely not.

[ally-writes-many-things]

Who you are (Hamish Duke) Part 2

Summary: You were an Adepti for The Order but you were also a spy for Gnostic council. The council called you back to Belgrace to spy on Vera after the recent werewolf attacks which is when you find out something about one of your old best friends.

Words: 1611

Requested: Yes

Prompts:

Warning or A/N: Part 3 is when it picks up

You walked into the Temple with a bunch of members running around doing multiple things. An acolyte bump straight into you spilling some kind of mixture all of you. "I'm so sorry Adepti. I didn't see you standing there,"

You were annoyed about it at first but you remembered how hard it was when you were an Acolyte. You half smiled and looked at them. "Look, take a deep breath and relax. I know it's hard your first year but just remember to take a deep breath,"

The acolyte smiled at you. "Thank you,"

You nodded and walked past the acolyte and dodged other members and into Vera's office. "Why is the temple so busy?"

"Coventry,"

You rolled your eyes. "What is he doing now?"

"Elemental Transference, what's all over your shirt?"

Your eyes grew big at the mention of that. "Some acolyte spelled something on me and for who?"

"Renee Marand. What did this acolyte look like? I'll make sure they'll clean up after the ritual,"

You quickly walk over to the chair and sat in it. "Nah, don't worry about it. Isn't she that necromancer that was kicked out?"

"She is,"

"Does the gnostic council know?"

Vera nodded. "Oh don't worry about spying on Coventry. He's trying to find all the pages to the Vade Maecum Infernal,"

"The Vade Maecum is-"

"Dangerous. I know. Edward wont listen to reason,"

You shook your head. "What does this have to do with Renee?"

"Necrophone,"

"The same Necrophone that lets you talk to the dead? I thought that was just some story?"

Vera shakes her head. "No. It's very much real,"

You sat back and started thinking that maybe Vera was right to suspect the Grand Magus but you still were wary to spy on him. Anyone that gets in his way, gets killed and you liked being alive too much to die. "Why does he want it?"

"Something to do with the Vade Maecum and how he thinks that the necrophone will help him find the pages? I don't know and I don't know what he wants with the Vade Maecum either but I have a plan but I cant execute it until after the transference is over,"

"What's the plan?"

"All you need to know is heal Renee, get the Necrophone and find the remaining pages,"

Edward walked into Vera's office and you quickly stood up from the chair. "Yes, Grand Magus. Is there anything you need me to do?"

Edward puts his hand on your shoulder. "You looked more and more like your mother each and every day,"

You were a legacy, that's why you went through the levels so quickly was because you were practicing magic all your life. You've known Edward since you were little. Hell, he took you in after your parents have died when you were tenish. "Really think so?"

He nodded. "Yes. She..both of your parents would be so proud of you,"

"Thank you sir,"

He nodded. "And no, we got everything under control for the time being. We'll let you know when it starts."

You nodded and started to walk out of the office but Vera called you back. "Hold on,"

You turned around and looked at her. She walked up to you and handed you a book. You looked down at it and it was the werewolf manual. "I know we haven’t had a recent attack but you can never be too careful,"

You nodded and walked out of the office and noticed that one of the cauldron was bubbling and Jack was walking away from it. You shrugged because you didn’t know if it was suppose to do that or not since this was your first transference ritual.

--

It had been a few hours since Vera gave you this book and it had taken you just as long to read it. It was a very hard book to read because one it HAD way too much information, drug some points out, and some of it was written in a different language which you had used magic to read. You were just about to stop reading when you read that both human and werewolf forms had a different smell to them. Human form while smells like whatever that human smelled like and the smell of the wolf smelled like warm fur.

You rolled your eyes at the information because that was obvious. You felt your dog's nose rub against your leg. You looked at your dog and smiled as he laid down next to you. You quickly put the book down and went to sniff your dog's fur as he was a wolfdog and his fur was always warm. When you got the smell, you were with a familiar scent. It was the same scent as Hamish, Randall, Jack and Lilith had but your dog's scent was overpowering like theirs were.

Could they really be the werewolves that attacked everyone? Could Hamish?

You were on your way to find Hamish when you saw Jack and Kyle get into a van and drive off. You got back into your car and followed them to a warehouse and saw them start to load people into the back of the van, which you were guessing were the elements. You then see Kyle trying to drive off but something had a hold of the van and then it was let go and Kyle run into a wall. You couldn't see what had ahold of the van cause if you were to move, you would've been spotted. You then see Lilith walking up to Jack's side fully naked. You quickly cut your hand and said the words of a spell that allows you to hear what someone is talking a distance away.

"You wanna explain yourself, asshole?"

"This isn't what it looks like,"

"Really? 'Cause it looks like you're driving five people to their slaughter,"

"I didn't know that,"

"Now you do and we're going to stop it,"

"No, the Grand Magus is after something and I need to know what it. You can't stop it. I won't let you,"

"You think I can't take you?"

"You think you can take Silverback?"

There was a moment of silence before Lilith walked away.

Whose Silverback? Why was Lilith naked?

--

After Lilith had left, you did too. You were confused as to why Lilith wants to stop the ritual and not to mention how she knows about The Order. You got back to campus, you walked into Blade and Chalice, you started to walk the bar when you heard your name being called. You turned and saw that it was Randall waving you over. You were hit with the smell of warm fur again. The same smell you smelt on your dog but more intense. "Y/N! How are you?"

"I'm good. Where's Hamish?"

Randall shrugged. "Probably, doing teacher assistant things,"

You chuckled. You couldn't believe that Hamish had decided not to become a lawyer because that was the main thing he had always talked about. "Fun,"

"So you travelled around the world?"

"I did,"

Randall was about to say something but his phone went off. He looked down at his pocket, pulled it out and read whatever was on the screen. He grabbed his drink and chugged it before standing up. "Gotta go meet up with Hamish and Lilith. I'll catch you later?"

You smiled and said of course.

You waited a few minutes after him leaving before you got up and left to go after him. He had walked a good few minutes into the woods before you saw a house. A house that looked completely abandoned on the outside. You waited till he was inside the house before walked up to one of the windows. You tried to open one of the windows but it was locked. So you did the same hearing spell you did before. It wasn't much of anything but you saw Jack walking out of the woods. You didn't have to move to hide because you were already in a well shaded area.

Lilith started walking down the stairs. "You're such a fucking hypocrite."

Hamish tried to calm her down. "Okay, lets take a breath,"

"You have the nerve to give me shit about eating some monster's heart, but you turn around and drive a van full of people to their death!"

Randall looked at Jack in shock "You what?"

"It's the Elemental Transference. The spell needs willing sacrifices. Five of them,"

"You're supposed to be sabotaging it. Not helping,"

"I did and we were up and running around again in twelve hours."

"Dude...We're you're we,"

"So you failed. You admit it,"

Failed what?

"No. Look, I talked to Coventry. I saw it in his eyes. He's so desperate for this spell, he'll do anything. He'll risk the entire Order, and we need to know why.

Why is Jack telling them this?

The rest of the conversation was talking about what the spell does and how it's possible and how Jack needed to know what Coventry was after.

"Randall, you wanted an inside man. Let me do my job as a Knight,"

That's the second time you heard them calling themselves Knights. What the hell are they talking about?

"Then go,"

You saw Jack nodding his head and walking out the door.

What are the Knights? Why does Jack desperately need to know what Coventry was after? Why are Hamish, Lilith and Randall want to stop the ritual? Why did Jack tell them?

You were so into your thought and didn't hear the window opening until you heard your name. "Y/N?"

You looked up and saw Hamish looking at you.

"Hi,"