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songmingisthighs · 3 years ago

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Hooked

introduction pt. i | pt. ii | pt. iii

ch. lxxxi - < 33

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??? × reader, ateez × reader

A freshman hookup rekindled into something new. With an incentive, of course. But what would happen if your 'relationship' led you somewhere you never thought would happen to you ?

San and Wooyoung fought for a solid 3 minutes over who gets to have you on their laps before you smack them both and pulled a chair in between them.

So there you three were, out of class and straight into a PC bang. You admit that when San told you he was kidnapping you to go on a date you didn't expect him to have brought you to play computer games. But then Wooyoung crashed in and challenged San.

Literally.

You and San were both walking hand-in-hand towards the university's gate and suddenly Wooyoung came barrelling in like a wild block of cheese rolling down Cooper's Hill.

But you didn't mind. Not when you know how both of them together would mean more chaos and it's just more entertaining.

"Sannie," you called out to him, tugging on his sleeve. He momentarily averted his attention from the screen to you. "Yes, baby?" he smiled at you before focusing back on the screen. You pursed your lips at him, pouting whilst giving him your best puppy eyes, "I'm thirsty,"

San's eyebrows furrowed, "didn't you bought a venti sized latte before we came here?" he asked, sure that you had gotten the largest size of beverage before going to the PC Bang. You wrap your arms around his closest forearm as you rested your head on his shoulder, "Wooyoungie drank like three-fourth of it," you complained, glaring at your other boyfriend who smirked at the mention of his name.

"Sharing is caring, you know?" he defended himself. You scoffed and kicked his leg, "you should've gotten your own," you muttered at him.

Wooyoung giggled but slid his chair backwards, "okay, fine, we'll get you something to drink now," Wooyoung said, getting up and pulled San up and out of your grasp.

San whined in protest at the sudden intrusion of his gaming time, saying it was Wooyoung's fault and he didn't do anything. He immediately shut up though when Wooyoung mentioned that he saw the kid who had been beating his ass in the game near the cashier.

You could only chuckle at them both, staring dreamily whilst a warm, fluttering feeling bloomed in your stomach.

"Hey," a voice called behind you.

You looked back and you internally swallowed the lump that appeared in your throat.

There were two girls standing behind you, smirk adorning their faces. You recognize them as your batch's biggest pick me up girls and gossips, people would either go to them to get tea or they'd avoid them at all cost like the plague. You had a couple of classes with them the previous semester and you had one with them in the current semester. Seeing that they were from communications, you were quite glad. But due to the current inevitable truth spilt, you had just been actively avoiding them.

Awkwardly, you smiled at them both, hoping that they were just coming by to say hello. Sadly, there's a 99.9% chance of that not happening.

"Hi," you answered back to them.

"Funny meeting you here, never pegged you to be a gamer," one of them spoke out.

It was irritatingly creepy how they made each other look so similar. The outfits, the hairstyle and colour, the nails? Are they purposefully TRYING to look like twins?

You let out an awkward chuckle at them, "Not really, I didn't come here alone," you said, not really wanting to tell them who you came with, " I didn't know you both like to go to PC Bangs too," you added.

Both of them nodded their heads towards the direction of 5 guys, pushing one another as their eyes glued to the screens in front of them. "We don't go here on our own accords, we're here with the boys," one of them said.

Suddenly, the other one stepped forward and leaned in close to your face, making you slightly uncomfortable, "But I'm not surprised that you're here playing, though," she said.

At that, you furrowed your eyebrows, confused.

"How do you mean?" You asked.

Realizing you just caught her bait, she smirked wider. Her hand reached forward to pat you twice on the head, "I mean you're such a player, bet you like playing games, right? Or you perhaps like to hang around here, looking to rope in more boys into your STD dungeon?"

What she said wasn't even clever, yet they were both cackling as if they had just roasted Albert Einstein. That pissed you off more than the fact that they had just practically called you a whore.

Your jaw clenched tight when they didn't stop their laughter. You tried to hold it in, not wanting to have an outburst in a public space occupied mostly by people from your campus. But by God, shoving a CPU in their mouths seemed like a good idea.

Not being able to stand their laughter anymore, you push yourself up to stand before them. Their laughter died down slightly, noticing how your eyes burn with intensity, as if ready to pounce at them.

"Funny you should say that when that's what you're both doing," you scoffed, crossing your arms in front of your chest. "What are you talking about?" one of them asked. "An Australopithecus would've understood what I meant quicker than these airheads," you muttered under your breath before continuing, "What was the point of coming up to me here anyways? Trying to prove that you're better than me by telling me that my relationship is a sham? You know what's a sham? Your hair colour, nose, lips, double eyelid, chin, and pretty sure if a door slam to your bodies, your boobs will pop like a fucking water balloon," you spoke in one breath.

Maybe it was the accumulated stress from having to deal with the judge-y shitheads in your class and literally everywhere around campus, or maybe it's just you wanting to channel your anger at something. Before you know it, you took menacing steps to them, cornering both girls against the table behind them.

You jab a finger at one of their chests, "You both act like you're the saints of the campus when fact is at least three fourth of us don't give even a tenth of a fuck for you both so you went on chasing, hanging out with boys because what was it that you said? Befriending girls is too much? We're too much drama? If so, then what are you both? You created at least 87% of the drama that you have ever been into. Did those boys even wanted you two around or did you two just latch onto them like fucking leeches? Call me a whore, call me a slut or whatever 'clever' thing you can come up with, but at least the people I'm with genuinely wants me and I didn't even have to throw myself at them like you two did. I still have my pride and dignity," You spat out at them.

Their eyes widened at your outburst. It was clear that they hadn't taken into account that there was a chance that you'd retaliate like that.

"Fucking parasites," you muttered as you turned your back on them and walked off to the bathroom to calm yourself down a bit, leaving the two girls flabbergasted with people, including their so-called guy friends, laughing and snickering at them.

As you were about to enter the bathroom, you felt hands pushing you inside and bodies piling inside the bathroom. When the sound of door locking was heard, you almost panicked, thinking that this might be a public attack that you'd hear on the news.

But you were so glad when you turned around and see your boyfriends. You let out a shaky sigh, trying to calm yourself down slightly before moving to smack their arms for scaring the shit out of you.

"What the fuck do you-" your protests were cut short when Wooyoung lunged to connect his lips with yours. You let out a squeal at the impact of his body paired with the impact of the sink behind you.

San moved himself behind you, hands clutching onto the edges of your skirt tightly, bunching them up to reveal your panties to the cold air of the bathroom.

"We heard your little outburst outside," San said as his lips latched onto the side of your neck. You let out a muffled 'what?' at him. Wooyoung's lips were preventing you from speaking much as his hands began to prevent you from thinking straight. The way they had magically manoeuvred themselves into your shirt and bra made your knees weak.

"Yeah, we heard everything. Woo had to hold me back from interfering to which I'm glad he did," he groaned loudly next to your ear as his hands move, they wrapped themselves tightly around your waist, "because if he hadn't, I wouldn't have seen this side of you and it's so damn sexy," he growled. You could feel him bucking his hips onto your ass and even with his jeans, you could feel how hard he was. It was a good thing that San was holding onto you so tightly or else you would've slumped so hard onto the floor.

Without any warning, San slipped a hand into your skirt and tugged your panties down to your knees. Before even fully comprehending the situation, both San and Wooyoung hand worked on their pants, relieving their hard cocks from their confines. Their lips must've been magic because you could've sworn that you didn't realize anything until you felt them pressing themselves to your entrance.

The tip of San's cock prodded against your back hole first, as if asking for permission. You moaned at the feeling, letting go of Wooyoung's lips to throw your head back against San's shoulder. San took it as a sign from you to continue. He slowly pushed himself in. With the lack of lubricant, you felt its slight sting.

Wooyoug noticed how you winced at the feeling of San entering your ass. Though the latter tried to distract you by peppering kisses up and down the side of your neck, it proved to not be enough. So Wooyoung reconnected both of your lips as he snuck a hand down to play with your clit.

You squirmed in both of their holds. The slight foreign discomfort combined with the pleasure Wooyoung's fingers gave you elicit a rather new feeling.

It didn't take long for San to be fully nestled in you. Though it would've been wise to get used to him first, you could see how Wooyoung eyed his fingers, wanting nothing more than to slip himself in you.

Chuckling slightly, you took ahold of his working hand, "Woo, I need you in me now," you told him. He looked at you with eyes slightly wide, "You sure? Don't you wanna take a bit more time?" he asked. It was honestly adorable how concerned he was about you even in such an intimate position.

Not saying anything, you pulled him closer to you by his shirt, effectively sandwiching yourself between the two best friends.

"When it comes to any one of you, I can't wait anymore," you said, teeth tugging against his earlobe.

At that, Wooyoung exhaled shakily. You got what you wanted when he suddenly lifted your left leg up to his waist and began entering you slowly.

With one side already filled, you felt extremely full. It wasn't too much for you, but it sure does make you felt like you were about to burst.

"M-move," you told them both as your hands clenched onto Wooyoung's shirt.

They both started at a slow pace, trying to establish a rhythm to make sure that you felt as good as they were feeling. The last thing they wanted was for you to feel like something that they'd use to just merely get off.

The initial foreign feeling changed to pleasure quickly. When you felt both men fell into stable rhythms, you began moaning in pleasure. Their cocks were rubbing and prodding all the right places.

"God, I think I can feel San inside you, babe," Wooyoung groaned.

You unconsciously clenched hard at Wooyoung's words.

San took notice immediately. One of his eyebrows raised in surprise at the newfound information.

"Little slut here likes to be filled to the brim, doesn't she?" he chuckled darkly. One of his hands moved to wrap itself around on your neck. The slight pressure he put on it felt amazing when combined with the feeling both of them provided with their cocks.

Wooyoung's lips planted themselves onto your chest as he pulled your shirt lower. His teeth tugged at your skin, to which you were sure he wanted to leave marks on you.

"Can't answer us when you have two cocks in you huh, babe?" Wooyoung taunted, purposefully biting your nipple through your bra, making you gasp loudly.

Their speed increased significantly. You felt both of their hips hitting you in turns, their cocks also taking turns in filling you. When one slip out, the other slipped in. You were never left empty.

Your high was approaching quicker than anyone could expect. Between the work they did with their lips and their cocks stuffing you, you were actually surprised that you hadn't come any quicker.

"F-fuck I-I-I-" You stuttered out. You couldn't even finish your sentence as you suddenly came hard on them. Your thighs quivered and you clenched them hard to the point that they groaned at how tight you were being.

With your climax accomplished, the two became focused on chasing their own.

"F-first one to cum pays for today's gaming session," Wooyoung said, smirking to San as if he was taunting him.

Through the overstimulation, you managed to smack Wooyoung's shoulder. Albeit weakly. "A-are you- Ah! Are you seriously m-m-maki-ng bets in t-the middle of f-fucking?" you glared at him.

Your question was left unanswered as he only grinned deviilishly.

Feeling sneaky, you immediately slip your hands under his shirt to tweak at his nipples. During your times with him, you found out how his nipples became sensitive when he's about to cum and usually it wouldn't take much for him to cum when you play with his nipples.

His jaw hung open at the sudden feeling. His thrusts became sloppier. After one, two more tugs, you felt him unloading himself inside you. His hips lock in place and his cock twitched inside you. His warm load filling you, making you whine at the feeling.

San chuckled from behind you, "thanks baby," he said, pecking you softly on your cheek, making you giggle. "But now I need to cum in your pussy too,"

Before you could even prepare yourself, he had pulled out of you abruptly. He pushed Wooyoung out of your pussy so that he could bend you over the sink.

"I'm sorry baby, but I really need to cum," he said quickly before plunging himself into your pussy. You let out a yelp as your hands anchored yourself by the edges of the sink.

San drilled into you at an animalistic pace. You looked up the mirror to see San's eyes shut close, eyebrows furrowing as his hips snap harshly against your ass.

Wooyoung's cum made it easier for him to move in and out of you. He even slipped out a couple of times.

You helped him chase his high by clenching your pussy around him. Soon enough, you felt a second load painting your walls. San's cum mixing with yours and Wooyoungs's.

The mixture leaked from your hole down to your thighs and even trickled down onto the floor. Some were caught by your panties but a lot of them fell to the floor, especially when San finally pulled out of you.

The three of you stood silently in the bathroom, trying to catch your breaths after the impromptu bathroom session.

San was the first one to catch his breath. He stuffed himself back into his pants and fixed his clothes. "I'll help (Y/N) clean herself up, you go and pay so we can get out," he said as he began to pull some tissues from the dispenser.

In the midst of fixing his own clothes, Wooyoung paused as he furrowed his eyebrows at San, "Why me?" he asked. San rolled his eyes at the question, "Because you said whoever came first had to pay and you did," he said as he leaned down to wipe the dripping cum from your pussy.

Wooyoung whined at that, "Not fair! (Y/N) made me cum! That shouldn't have counted!" You giggled at his accusation, "I mean, you shouldn't have made a bet when you're having sex with your girlfriend, but..." you trailed off.

Feeling defeated, Wooyoung groaned and pout, "Fine, I'll pay. But I better get a ton of kisses in return," he grumbled as he pointed at you.

You only rolled your eyes at him whilst wiggling your hips to help San put your panties back on.

"As if I don't already give you a lot,"

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daturanerium · 4 years ago

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i've been thinking about griddlehark recently, especially since i've listened to the gideon audiobook for the first time. i love them lots! but i had forgotten just how terrible harrow was to gideon in the beginning, and how blindly devoted gideon was to harrow (even when they were mortal enemies). i'm not sure if i'd be happy with them becoming canon without completely addressing that, so i'm going to talk about what i would like to see happen in alecto to deal with the power imbalance.

as someone who's been in a very similar position to gideon (being a punching bag to someone i'm devoted to out of love) i can speak from experience when i say that it sucks. i currently do not have much of a relationship with that person anymore, but gideon clearly wants to pursue one with harrow--whether that be platonic or romantic.

right now griddlehark are suffering from a severe power imbalance with harrow coming out on top. even during htn, harrow made choices for gideon without consulting her first or considering how it would affect her (mainly the lobotomy, which clearly bothered gideon based on how she talked about it in act five--or rather, didnt). harrow tormented gideon for her entire life. i feel like people tend to brush over this or treat it as a child's rivalry instead of treating it as it was (or how i read it to be): constant, unrelenting abuse. harrow canonically tried to kill gideon multiple times throughout their childhood. by the time we reach gtn, it almost seems like tormenting gideon is a game for harrow, considering the way she handled gideon's escape attempt. she pulled it away at the very last second for no other reason (that we know of) than to make gideon feel the worst. obviously we know now that harrow is fucked up in her own way. growing up mostly without parents, with incredibly high expectations based around being a literal war crime and the only surviving necromancer in the royal line, she's desperate to find and cling onto any control she can get over anything and anyone. she's gone through an incredible amount of character development within the last two books. i'm a huge fan of that! i think it's very safe to say that harrow cares about gideon as an equal and wants her friendship--the entirety of htn is basically a tragic love letter to her. but that doesn't make the lasting impact of how she acted go away.

on the other hand, gideon has apparently always been devoted to harrow: on page 332 of gtn she says that she was "hungry for the Reverend Daughter's occupation" in her youth, and strongly implies that she endured harrow's ceaseless beatings and torment because it was the only thing gideon received other than people blindly hating her or ignoring her. harrow was fascinated and obsessed with her in a terrible, violent way, but at least it was something. this is, of course, worsened after gideon walks in on harrow after The Incident. that, mixed with the overhanging inherent power imbalance of gideon being harrow's/the locked tomb's indentured servant since birth, means that gideon has never known a life free of harrow's control over her. being devoted to harrow is gideon's norm--she's literally never known anything different. and, on top of that, she's never expected anything in return. hoped, maybe, but never expected. gideon tries to leave but is stopped every time by harrow; the only way gideon is able to experience her first bout of "independence" is through caanan house, which was an opportunity given to her by harrow. harrowhark has been a constant in gideon's life since she was one year old. gideon relied on her for some semblance of normalcy and a twisted form of recognition. gideon goes through a lot of character development in caanan house as well, and we get to watch her and harrow start to deconstruct their corrupted relationship and reform it into something better and healthier. but even then, gideon still ends up making the ultimate sacrifice for "the Ninth": aka harrow, since she states not five pages before that she doesn't actually care about the Ninth at all and is only doing this for her (that is open to interpretation, but i think it's safe to say that gideon's main reason for jumping was to save harrow regardless of how you interpret her last words). later, at the end of htn, gideon still doesn't expect much from harrow in return. "harrowhark, i gave you my whole life and you didn't even want it." comes to mind. it's not about whether or not the statement is true, it's about what gideon believes based on harrow's past actions. the idea of harrow refusing gideon's sacrifice is more believable to her than harrow succumbing to her grief. i'm not even sure if gideon knows about the lobotomy. if someone told her, would she believe them?

so, right now, we have one person desperate for control and the other hopelessly devoted to a fault. both harrow and gideon are far different women now than they were at the beginning of gtn! they're in the middle of their character arcs right now. here's how i would like to see griddlehark rekindle their relationship in a healthy way:

gideon spends a lot of time harrow-free. she learns what life is like without harrow present. she gets to discover herself without harrow there. gideon still cares about harrow, obviously, and will spend time trying to find and reconnect with her. i hope that in the meantime she gets to find herself as an individual! she needs to see that she is more than just "harrow's mortal enemy" or "harrow's cavalier". she is someone outside of her relationship with harrow, whatever that relationship may be. when she reunites with harrow, i hope that it's a choice that gideon makes, not because harrow asks for her.

when reunited, harrow takes full responsibility and accountability for her past actions against gideon. this has sort of happened, but only in the sense of harrow's self-loathing: she gets angry during the pool scene in gtn, but that's based around "i was awful to you, why are you being kind to me"; not really an apology. later, she asks gideon if she forgives her and gideon says yes--but harrow never apologized. in my opinion, no forgiveness is true if there's no apology. i'd like to see harrow fully recognize her past actions--and, more specifically, how they affected gideon. she's focused a lot on how they impacted herself, but even in the pool scene (as much as i love it) gideon's feelings were mostly sidelined. by harrow taking accountability, both of them can continue their path to healing and growing their relationship. (also, harrow Officially releasing gideon from her duty to the locked tomb as an indentured servant would be really nice. i know with everything going on it's technically moot but i think it would still mean a lot, especially on the road to equalizing their relationship)

gideon and harrow acting as equal partners! we caught the beginnings of this in the second half (especially the end) of gtn, but they haven't really had a chance to flesh (heh) it out since. i'm really looking forward to that!

i really love these characters. they're some of my favorites, ever--and that's saying something, because i've read a lot of books. harrow especially has had some of the most enjoyable character development i've read in a long time. we're in the middle of the series and there's still lots of loose ends to tie up! i just hope this is one of them.

#i'm nervous to post this lollllllll #i'm open to discussion!#also just in case this wasn't clear i LOVE harrow so much. this is definitely not harrow h*te. just ~nuance~.#the locked tomb #griddlehark #harrow the ninth #harrow the ninth spoilers

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stevenuniversetraumablog · 3 years ago

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Analysis of Sadie and Lars' Relationship

SPOILER ALERT FOR STEVEN UNIVERSE FUTURE AND ALL OF SADIE AND LARS' CHARACTER ARCS!!!

TRIGGER WARNING: Slight manipulation mention

Sadie and Lars’ relationship has been one of the fan-favorite subplots of Steven Universe. A longstanding expectation that the two would eventually resolve the romantic tension between them and end up in a relationship. However, because of the past events that transpired between them, staying friends and moving on was likely the best option for them both rather than chasing a relationship whose window had already closed.

The biggest hindrance to Sadie and Lars’ hopes of a relationship was Lars’ past dismissive and manipulative view of Sadie and what she did for him. “Joking Victim” can best provide a window into their relationship history. When Sadie was at her most infatuated with Lars, he took advantage of her favoring him and used her to avoid his responsibilities. Lars blatantly uses her fond memories and view of him to push her into giving him time off at her personal expense. His dismissive attitude towards her only aided in making her feel ignored in her life, which is something made clear in “Sadie’s Song” when her mother doesn’t pay her any mind until she snaps.

Although “Island Adventure” proved that the chemistry and love were definitely there between them, Lars was still not mature enough and Sadie was still trying to find her self-confidence. This self-confidence is found once she forms “Sadie Killer and the Suspects”, as she finally has an outlet for her emotions as well as people paying attention to and validating her expression.

After the dust settled and Lars finally makes it to Earth with the Off Colors during the series finale, it is later revealed in “Little Graduation” that while Sadie and Lars did attempt to reconnect, there wasn’t enough common ground anymore for them to rekindle anything.

In the end, Lars and Sadie did their best to maturely handle the situation by moving on. Although “Little Graduation” makes it clear that Lars still has some feelings for Sadie, he’s still doing his best to be happy for her. Sadie finally found the confidence she needed, and communicated it beautifully in the song “Looking Forward”, which is entirely focused on her growing and moving on with her new partner Shep.

#steven universe #steven universe future #su #suf #sadie miller #steven universe sadie #steven universe lars #character analysis

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cycat4077 · 4 years ago

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Real Talk

Words: 1639 Warnings: angst Pairing: Sonny x Reader AO3 here

This idea popped into my head after that phone call Sonny received which seemed to be a date. So, ignore the fact that we know that the person on the other end was Nicole. 🙃

Part 2

---

You had met Sonny at Fordham while taking your law degree. A few classes together and the two of you, with a couple other people, hit it off. Yes, you were part of that group Sonny mentioned to Amaro. The group that he went bowling with. In fact, you were even one of the “pretty girls”. However, that’s where it stayed. You and Sonny often bounced ideas off one another and studied for exams.

Any girl would be a fool to say that they didn’t have a crush on Carisi at least at some point, and you were no different. But the thing was, your friendship meant so much more. It was uncomplicated. Just two people who supported one another; borrowed ears to let off steam from time to time.

When graduation rolled around though, you and Sonny saw less and less of one another. His detective gig left him such little free time to begin with that without classes, it was virtually impossible to find the time to get together. And, as so often happens, the texts and calls grew fewer and far between until six whole years had come and gone.

That all changed however, when you walked into the Manhattan DA’s office to cross reference about a case that you were working in Brooklyn. You could recognize that lanky, well-dressed man anywhere. He was speaking to a colleague, using his hands like he always did to get his point across. Your heart rose to your throat.

“Sonny?” you speak up, but you already know the answer. He swivels on his heels to face you, his features easing and eyes lighting up upon recognition.

He crosses the room in just a few long strides, a huge smile plastered on his face. He speaks your name and scoops you into a hug. It catches you by surprise at first, but the warmth of his arms around you – back around you after so many years, makes you genuinely happy. “How are ya?” he exclaims. “It’s been too long.”

You make small talk for a little while, catching up on what you’d missed. Sonny was an ADA now, finally biting the bullet and moving on from SVU. You tell him that you’re working in Brooklyn, not on criminal cases, that was always more Sonny’s speed, but still enjoying the career that your time at Fordham had awarded you. It was decided that you and Sonny needed to make grabbing coffees and lunches a regular occurrence, and so the two of you reserved a space in your calendar for the first one of many.

It was nice to rekindle that friendship. For all the time you knew one another at school, you had always had one another’s backs. There were never any judgements and the two of you could talk about anything and everything. Sonny would always make sure you were doing okay, seemingly knowing just when you needed him to talk to. This dynamic worked both ways too. It used to be that Sonny would phone you up, sometimes in the middle of the night, because he had come off a particularly hard case. You always picked up and it was that mutual friendship and care that got you both through many tough times.

Unfortunately, in those six years, that type of relationship was something you hadn’t found since. Seeing Sonny again made you realize just how much you had missed him. Not to mention that he had gotten more handsome and impossibly sweeter. You hated to admit that there was a flutter in your stomach every time he would smile and a heat that rose to your cheeks when he’d give you a quick peck as a friendly hello.

Little did you know that Sonny was starting to feel that way too and, after a few months of coffee and lunch meet-ups, he invited you to have dinner with him. You suggested a place, one of the few restaurants which were open for dine-in and one that you loved.

Was it a date? You weren’t exactly sure, but you worked up the courage to make tonight the time to tell him how you felt. You put forth extra effort in your appearance, styling your hair and slipping into a nice dress. Stepping in front of the mirror, you take a deep breath and tell yourself that it’s now or never.

Then your phone rings. It’s Sonny. You pick up and greet him, smiling.

“Hey,” he says. “I just finished my paperwork n’ am ready ta leave.”

“Great!” you say eagerly. “I’ll call to confirm our reservation -”

“Ah, that sounds great,” Sonny sounds in your ear.

“- and I’ll make my way over there.”

“Ah, that sounds great,” he says again. His voice sounds genuinely excited. “Listen, I’ll meet you there in an hour.”

“Sounds good, Sonny.” You take a breath, softening your voice. “I’m really looking forward to tonight.”

“Yeah, me too.” You can hear the smile in his voice.

“See you soon. Bye.”

“Alright, bye.”

A fluster of nervousness and excitement churn in your gut as you grab your coat and purse and head for the door.

---

Arriving at the restaurant, you’re taken to a table out of the way in one of the back corners. All the better to have a conversation, you think to yourself.

Just as you’ve gotten comfortable, your phone rings again. Sonny Carisi flashes on the screen. Your heart rises to your throat, unsure why he would be calling. “What’s up?” you answer.

“I’m gonna be late,” he begins apologetically. “Rollins had a family emergency and I was helping her take care of a few things.”

“Oh, okay,” you stammer out, slightly confused. “Be careful.”

“Yeah, I will. See you in a bit.” The line clicks off.

Amanda Rollins. A major figure in Sonny’s work life. His partner as a detective and still a member of the squad he tries cases for. Many the times you had heard about Rollins: how hard she had things, her problematic family, her daughter Jesse. And each mention of her would be rooted in Sonny’s desire to help her out somehow. Cook her dinner or help her with her baby. He’d tell you how great of a detective she was and how she, too, had his back.

However, Sonny could be gullible. He made decisions with his heart rather than his head and sometimes that let people take advantage of his kindness. So, you were often cautious on his behalf when he’d tell you about the things he did for Amanda. Sometimes it seemed that she, whether intentional or not, would accept Sonny’s kindness without giving him much in return. And by the way he used to talk about her, you suspected he had developed some sort of feelings for her. But through these conversations, he also invertedly revealed how she kept him at arms length. Now, from Sonny’s phone call, you suppose that things had never changed.

You sit there for what feels like an eternity, the waiter returning to check in on you a few times, until finally you see him round the restaurant corner towards your booth.

“I’m so sorry,” he begins, taking a seat. “Rollins – her dad had a stroke n' she needed ta fly out immediately. I arranged for her mom to watch her kids n' informed Liv what was goin' on. I feel so bad. I mean, she’s been through so much n' she really has no one…” He looks up at you then, noticing your attire. His eyebrows lift as he drinks in how pretty you look. But your face tells a different story.

You feel so disappointed. Not in Sonny, but rather, in yourself. You thought that the history you shared would bring you closer together. A solid and mutually supportive friendship was something you longed for in a significant other. Something for love to build off of and grow. Now though, seeing how Sonny was still holding out hope for Amanda, still giving her every ounce of himself with little in return, you couldn’t take it.

You catch Sonny’s gaze. “It was silly of me to think that this was a date.” Your voice is quiet, sadness brimming your words.

He stares back at you confused. His brow knits, “No!” he begins, the realization hitting him. “It was – is a date!” He reaches for your hand, placing his overtop. “I asked you here because it felt so good to reconnect with you. I missed you. We get along so easily and it’s nice to have someone to talk to again. I always thought you were attractive too, both physically and intellectually. When we were at Fordham we were always just friends but seeing you again and having you back in my life, well, it made me feel something.”

Sonny looks positively hurt, yet he understands how all this must seem to you. “I missed you too, Sonny. So much,” you reply, voice a little unsteady. “And I care about you more than you could ever imagine.” You give his hand a small squeeze and he closes his eyes for a moment, knowingly. “Except, I can’t be a placeholder while you wait for Amanda to come around. It’s not fair to me. It’s not fair to you either, but that decision has to come from you.”

There it is. All feelings laid bare. There’s nothing more you can say. You have and always will support Sonny and you always will be his friend. However, those lines between friendship and something more were starting to blur and before you give your heart away, you need to know if Sonny truly wishes to accept it.

Sonny studies your face, his mind racing. Then he looks down, squeezing his eyes shut. “I know,” he says running a thumb along your knuckles. "I know."

---

Tag list? @barbasbodaciousbeard @adarafaelbarba @teamsladsandgents @caracalwithchips @averyhotchner

❤

#This was a rough idea #Literally written in about 3 hours #Forgive any mistakes #Please love me #No hate for any ship #Just love for Sonny #sonny carisi #sonny carisi x reader #law and order svu #Svu s22 e10 #Svu spoilers #sonny carisi x you #Law and order svu fanfic #my fanfic

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mikauzoran · 4 years ago

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The Plan(TM) (re: Mikau’s WIPs) 2: Electric Boogaloo

Hi, guys. Time for another status update. ^.^

I’m wrapping up my Lukadrien June 2021 piece Your Hands Hold Home right now, so I should be on track to post the final chapter of that on 06/30/2021.

Below is a list of other projects I plan on working on in the coming months. Let me know what sounds interesting or what you’re excited for.

Le Carnaval: (various pairings and platonic interactions) So, @miraculousfanworks is doing Snippet July. There are prompts for each day, and the stories/chapters for each prompt have to be one thousand words or less. I recently made a post requesting pairings, and I’m going to use the pairing prompts I received from you guys and the Snippet July prompts to create a collection of short stories featuring various romantic pairings and platonic interactions between characters.

Zebras Can’t Change Their Stripes: (Lukadrien) After four years, Adrien is back in Paris, broke, and ready to try to reconnect with friends and get his life back on track. Meanwhile, Luka is going through a breakup and struggling not to be a total wreck. They’ve grown and changed, but they’re still the same people underneath it all. As they try to pick up where they left off, they support one another, and their friendship slowly grows into something more.

So, this one is on hiatus while I do Lukadrien June. I have some days off scheduled at the beginning of July, so I hope to finish writing this then and resume posting in July. I just have two-ish chapters left. I really want to do Snippet July, though, so Zebras might get pushed back a little more while I work on that. ^.^; Sorry in advance! Thanks for your patience.

Marichat May: In April, I made a post asking you guys to pick Marichat May prompts for me to combine into a single story. I still plan on doing that story. It’s just taking longer than anticipated for me to get around to it. XD

Plagg and Wayzz Prompt: (Lady Noir) I got a comment on one of my stories that said, “Can you do a top wayzz bottom plagg one? Preferably in universe and in human form. Doesn’t have to be smut.” First I thought, “What the bloody hell?” because it was a comment on a Lukadrien story, and that’s all it said, and I thought, “Well, that’s random.” I’ve never really written Wayzz before, but this gave me the idea for a story where the team is up against an akuma that somehow separates them from their kwamis, leaving the heroes unable to detransform and the kwamis in defenseless human form. What I came up with really doesn’t have anything to do with the prompt other than Plagg and Wayzz will both be in human form. It will probably just end up being a Lady Noir identity reveal piece, honestly.

Adrien Trapped in AU-Land: (Adrienette, canon universe featuring AUs) My idea is based off of a writing prompt submitted by @graaythekwami on the @miraculousfanworks Discord server: AU where all the characters wake up in a different AU every chapter, fully remembering what happened in the last AU. My idea is for Chat Noir to get hit by an akuma (probably named Escapist or something equally dumb ^.^) who traps Adrien in a series of alternate realities (AUs) until he realizes his feelings for Marinette and manages to break free.

Adrienette Hanahaki: A while ago I did an ask game about a trope I’d like to try writing, and the one I came up with was Adrien with Hanahaki disease (The one where you start coughing up flower petals due to unrequited love making flowers grow inside your lungs). I’ve been thinking about it, and I’ve decided I’d like to actually write this story. My basic outline is: Adrien starts showing symptoms, and Gabriel badgers him about whom he’s in love with, and Adrien just blurts out, “Marinette!” And Gabriel threatens Marinette into dating Adrien, and they start fake dating but then fall in love.

L’Amour de Loin: (Lukadrien, post-Papillon defeat, Félix wingman) I did a sneak peek for this here. Adrien is living in London with his aunt and cousin three years after Papillon’s defeat and arrest. He’s in rough shape and hasn’t kept in touch with anyone from Paris. One day, he gets a text from Luka out of the blue, and they rekindle their friendship. Félix acts as wingman to ensure that it turns into something more.

Happenstance and Magic: Marichat May 2019. Marinette and Chat Noir adopt kittens together, and Adrien tries to get Marinette to see that he’s not perfect but still a worthwhile person deserving of her love.

I’ve been thinking about this one, and I think I’m going to cut the number of prompts I actually use. Once I’m done with the other stories, I want to sit down and make a more thorough outline of what I want the story to be and which prompts I’m going to use to get me there.

The Seduction of Adrien Agreste: This is part of the Springtime in Wonderland (Daisy/Jabberwocky) series. It deals with Luka and Adrien experimenting with physical intimacy to see if they can reach a compromise where Luka and (asexual) Adrien are both comfortable and have their needs met.

Things Currently on the Backburner:

The Rejects Club: Predominantly Marichat with Adrienette. Chat Noir and Marinette unexpectedly grow very close very fast as they open up to one another after Marinette overhears Adrien seemingly dismissing her as a romantic prospect. Identity shenanigans at farcical levels ensue.

I can’t really deal with Rejects right now. I’m feeling super overwhelmed by basic life stuff, so I don’t really have the mental or emotional energy to put into a story where I don’t know how many more chapters there will be until the end. I’m thinking that what I have planned will take at least another one or two hundred thousand words. This thing is just so massive, and I’m not in good enough mental heath to deal with it right now.

Springtime in Wonderland: Yeah, no. See the paragraph directly above. I was already having trouble with my mental health in 2019, and 2020 took a sledgehammer to my already frail state. This story is another one that’s going to take another couple hundred thousand words to complete, and I just don’t have the stamina in me right now. I’d rather focus on smaller projects that actually feel attainable. I’m trying not to burn myself out.

That’s what I have for now. There are a couple other ideas I’m toying with, so you may see a couple one-shots not listed here. I just don’t want to formally commit to writing anything else at the moment. So. Is there anything that you’re particularly interested in? Let me know what you’re thinking.

Thoughts? Feelings? Suggestions? Opinions? ^.^

#Marichat #Adrinette #Adrienette #Lukadrien #LadyNoir #Lady Noir #Miraculous Ladybug #MLB #Adrien Agreste #Marinette Dupain-Cheng #Luka Couffaine #Chat Noir #Ladybug #Status Update #Mikau's WIP

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raffinit · 4 years ago

Note

for ur sylvaina prompt ask if ur still doing it: as a sign of good faith during peace negotiations, jaina invents a few spells (w/ her brother as a willing test subject) for sylvanas and the forsaken. spells to help improve taste, for example. little things to help an undead get through the day a little easier, things that only the forsaken or those who lived with them would know about. basically jaina helps with forsaken accessibility and sylvanas not knowing what to do with that

thank you to everyone who bought me ko-fis

bc of you i can actually put a read more cut on this with my VERY OWN COMPUTER SOBS

back to regular updates soon i promise, i just have all these beautiful prompts

-------

It began, like most things, curiously. Or rather — with curiosity. It was a trait of hers that drew mixed results at times; more in her vibrant youth than in her middle age. Her mother once told her that she had enough curiosity to kill ten cats, and Jaina had worn it then with pride.

She learned, with time, to contain her curiosities. To apply them scientifically; because science allowed for more curiosity than she knew what to do with. Science was her excuse for setting the curtains on fire when she was nine.

Science was her excuse for portalling abruptly into the war room and landing on the table during a council meeting.

Science was why she stared so intently at Sylvanas Windrunner.

Or perhaps, more accurately — it was purely curiosity at that point. The Banshee Queen was an unreadable figure, an inscrutable force that left Jaina all but reeling with each passing day the Horde and Alliance drew closer and closer to sealing a peace treaty.

She never thought she'd live to see the day.

What she still couldn't quite put her finger on was — ironically — Sylvanas.

The Warchief did many things that were incomprehensible for one reason or another. But to Raise Derek — what could Sylvanas have possibly gained, short of perhaps tormenting them with the knowledge that she simply could?

Her reunion with Derek had been a tearful one; rife with things that neither of them could fully comprehend. Clutching her brother close, clinging to him tight, she caught the figure of the Warchief in her periphery; caught the strange melancholy on Sylvanas' face.

It was there for only an instant. Sylvanas' ear flicked, then her burning eyes flashed to meet Jaina's.

Jaina blinked and the Warchief was gone.

Reconnecting with her brother came in stages. Baby steps. They had become vastly different people — too changed to reminisce without sorrow in its wake.

Still, beneath it all, beneath his Undeath — Derek was still Derek.

Derek, who teased her fondly about all that he could. He who boldly tested the limitations of his Undead form in ways that brought back memories of a childhood spent clambering over tree branches and diving off cliffs.

"What does it feel like?" she asked one day, when her curiosity became too much.

Derek paused, lifting his head to stare off into the horizon. “It feels like…living behind a curtain, honestly,” he confessed. “I feel present…but my presence feels…” he shrugged. “Muted, almost. As if I exist on only a fragment of this plane. I’m stronger than I ever was; I can do things I couldn’t even imagine.”

Jaina ducked her head to meet his eyes encouragingly. It was still unsettling, in some way, to look into her brother’s face and see the burning unnatural shade of his gaze. “But…?”

“But I do miss it,” he sighed, a wistful look on his face. “Eating, drinking. Sleeping. I’m never tired, but sleeping’s never just been about being tired, has it? I’d like the privilege of choosing whether or not I want to rest.”

Jaina felt that deeply.

She blinked then, head tilting curiously. “Do you not taste things anymore? I’ve read some things about that, but I thought Forsaken could eat. And sleep. There were inns in the Undercity.”

“I understand about as much as you. Perhaps even less so,” he said, reaching out and squeezing her hand. He gave her a soft, self-deprecating little smile. “But here I am, lamenting the things I’ve lost when I should be grateful to even be here to begin with.”

She smiled at him faintly, though her mind was already reeling with thought. With the myriad of ways that she could — that she should — help.

“…what if you could do those things again?” she asked.

Derek paused and turned to stare at her curiously. Whatever it was that he saw there on her face made a knowing smile spread across his lips. “I know that look,” he said. “That’s a science look.”

Jaina smiled slowly. “Are you up for an experiment?”

“Always,” he said gamely. “Anything for science.”

-----

They tried spells first. Little experiments of magic that Jaina imbued her brother with in slow, gentle touches. The Light burned, but too much arcane made Derek sway like a sailor drowning in his cups. Some spells rekindled too much of Derek’s living form; made him inescapably aware of the damage his body had borne.

The agony on her brother’s face made for many sleepless nights and haunted dreams.

“This one makes everything smell,” he said one today.

Jaina brightened hopefully. “Good smells?”

“Like eggs.”

“Eggs?”

“Farty eggs. Like kippers in the morning.”

Jaina huffed and waved her hands briskly to recall the spell. “Maybe a potion instead.”

It took her another few weeks to pull together a functioning elixir. Nights spent hunched over her desk, sleeping with her cheek pressed to page after page of notes from ancient tomes and books helpfully “borrowed” from the vast library of Stormwind City.

Derek watched her some days, peering over her shoulder like a curious child at the window of a bakery. She indulged him as much as her patience would allow; until eventually his persistent questions and hovering made her all too aware of the cramped space of her temporary rooms in the Keep.

“How about you sit,” she said, jerking her chin at the plush armchair by the fireplace. “Tell me about what it’s been like since you’ve...Risen.”

Derek peered at her wordlessly but obliged, settling himself comfortably into the armchair. “What exactly do you want to know?”

Jaina shrugged. “Anything, I suppose. Everything? The Forsaken are an enigma to us. The Warchief most of all.”

“I don’t have anything to report,” he drawled. “She never spoke of plans to double-cross the Alliance, if that’s what you’re concerned about.”

“I just meant as a person,” she replied in exasperation. “What was the Warchief like...up close?”

Derek blinked and sat back into the armchair, staring for a few thoughtful moments into the fireplace. At length, he said, “She’s a lot kinder than you would think. When I first...Awoke...she was there. She wouldn’t leave me until she was sure I could manage it on my own.”

“Manage what?”

“Existing, I suppose.” He twisted around in the armchair and peered at her over the back. “Did you know; she said I led her to my body?”

Jaina blinked. “What?”

“My soul, that is. She said she could hear it. She could hear all of us.” Derek’s voice softened with thought, and something like pity. “All of the souls lost at sea. The ones who never made peace with it. The ones who refused to rest.”

Incredulous, she asked, “She can do that?”

Derek nodded sagely. “So it seems.”

“Hmm.”

Eventually, she held out a vial of something that looked like it was made of something between the aether and sewage water. “Here.”

He took it in hand, tilting the vial this way and that and swirling it gently. “Couldn’t it have looked like a pint of mead or something? Why do all potions have to look like bog water?”

“Derek.”

“Fine, fine,” he huffed, bringing the vial to his lips —

“Just a sip, first,” she warned, eyes wide with apprehension. “Hold it on your tongue for a moment and let it coat your mouth before you swallow.”

He complied with a slight nod and Jaina watched as Derek’s jaw moved in a slow flex; as if he were considering a particular vintage of port. His glowing eyes blinked in surprise and he pulled the vial away to stare down at it thoughtfully. “Doesn’t taste as awful as it looks.”

Jaina’s eyes lit up eagerly. “So you can taste?”

Derek opened his mouth to reply, then winced hard. “Yes,” he croaked, glaring down at the vial in betrayal. “Farty eggs and kippers.” He stuck out his tongue and tried to scrape the taste off it with his teeth.

“Are you sure you’re not just confused with the smell of the sea?”

He gave her an exasperated look and corked the vial. “I think I’d know what the sea smells like.”

Jaina sighed, reaching up to run a hand through the already-tousled mess of her hair. “Back to the drawing board.”

Their success plateaued for a time; there was nothing more that Jaina could do that yielded any further result, and the frustration was building. She took to wandering the stress of Stormwind, watching the Forsaken as they bustled about. They were wary still — all of them, but the Forsaken moved with darting glances over their shoulders and the reflexive flinch of beings long-accustomed to violence.

Some mornings, she dared to test her tongue at Gutterspeak; pulling what little Derek had managed to teach her. They stared at her at first, eyeing her with open distrust and hostility that made her wonder if the words her brother had taught her weren’t inflammatory somehow.

Still, she persevered, walking among the Horde by herself when she could. Most meetings between the Alliance and Horde ran long, and there were some evenings when she would catch the glimpse of rich purple and feathered armour around the bend when she walked.

Sometimes, she would catch the Warchief’s eye as she passed. Sylvanas’ eyes gleamed at her brightly, watching as a cat would at a passing flicker of light before nodding once in greeting.

For how distant she was from the Banshee Queen, Derek seemed to have no qualms with approaching Sylvanas.

At times, she saw them talking — in quiet asides that halted abruptly the moment any other individual came within earshot, and it prodded at Jaina’s curiosity once more.

“I never thought I’d see you so friendly with the Warchief,” she remarked one day.

Derek shrugged. “She brought me back. For whatever reason. And despite what anyone might think...she...cares.”

“Cares?”

“Ask her yourself,” he replied, nudging her in the shoulder.

She didn’t, only kept her efforts of mingling with the Forsaken. Most were wary of her still, barely acknowledging her words or pointedly ignoring them.

Then one day, a Forsaken replied. His words were guttural and harsh in tone, but the words were almost...friendly. “Good morning. You must use your throat more.”

Jaina obliged readily and welcomed any and all criticism that came. Some were malicious and stung, but a majority of those who engaged her seemed...bewildered at her willingness to learn. “Haven’t others tried to learn Gutterspeak?” she asked.

The Forsaken shook his head. “Gutterspeak is beneath the Alliance, isn’t it? ‘Tis the language of us Forsaken.”

Pursing her lips, Jaina said, “All peoples should have a right to their own language.”

“Perhaps,” he replied, eyeing her with something less than hate.

Though most were wary but polite, not all members of the Horde were as accommodating. She dared to approach a warlock troll one day, blinking in surprise when he curled his lip and sneered at her.

“Why would I be sharin’ de secrets of da Horde wit’ ya?”

“Because I want to understand more about your people,” she replied staunchly. “I’m only trying to help —”

He barked out a laugh, the sound calling the attention of the nearby folk. Orc and goblin and trolls watched on, murmuring among themselves as Jaina fought back the embarrassment building in her belly.

“Leave her alone, Zaejin,” an orc said. “You’re not stupid enough to challenge the Lord Admiral.”

“Mebbe it be time someone did,” Zaejin growled back. In his hands, a dark, swirling ball of energy formed.

Jaina backed slowly away from them, smothering the prickle of arcane itching at her fingertips as more of the Horde began to gather. Something solid and cold bumped against her back and she helped softly, spinning around in alarm —

“Lady Proudmoore.”

She stiffened, staring up at burning red eyes.

Sylvanas peered down into her face impassively. A hand reached out and grasped her arm, steadying her in place. Those blazing eyes flashed back to the crowd.

Before Jaina could speak — to explain, or perhaps protest — Sylvanas insinuated herself between them, all but looming over the warlock. “Have you any qualms with the Lord Admiral that I have not heard, Zaejin?”

The gathered Horde froze, darting nervous looks between them as they shuffled back. Zaejin bowed at the hip, refusing to lift his gaze from the ground. “Warchief. How are we ta trust de Lord Admiral’s intentions —”

“Has she given you cause for concern?” Sylvanas drawled. “Has she trod on your toes? Planned a military coup to usurp power while we are in peace talks with the Alliance?”

“Who knows with de likes o’ her,” Zaejin grumbled, casting a resentful look at Jaina.

“Then this peace treaty is a waste of time,” Sylvanas said. “If you’d like us to return to war, only say so, Zaejin. I shall leave the Lord Admiral to deal with your insubordination herself.”

At last, Jaina found her voice. “It’s alright,” she croaked, darting a slightly bewildered look between Sylvanas and Zaejin. “It’s understandable that he would be...wary still. There is too much between our factions to expect everyone to be content with peace talks.”

Sylvanas’ ear flicked, her burning eyes flashing with amusement as she inclined her head. “That much is true. Regardless.” She reached out and laid a hand on Jaina’s shoulder, squeezing just so to leave the woman gaping wordlessly at her grip. Setting her eyes to the crowd, she said, “Let it be known; so long as we remain in Stormwind, the Lord Admiral is free to walk among the Horde with my blessing.”

A rich plume of power began to bleed from her shoulders effortlessly and Jaina fought back a shiver at the raw strength of it. “Have you any protests, warlock?”

Zaejin said nothing further, only glared. Boldly, Jaina reached out and touched Sylvanas’ elbow, casting a speaking look up at the Banshee Queen. “I think your point’s been made, Warchief. Let us do as you say and lay our animosities to rest.”

Wordlessly, and strangely, Sylvanas complied. “I shall escort you to your quarters, Lady Proudmoore.”

Jaina blinked. It didn’t exactly sound like an offer so much as a command, but she quelled the instinct to bristle and nodded mutely.

“Thank you,” she mumbled, when they were a fair distance away. “That was...unnecessary, but thank you.”

Sylvanas inclined her head; the weight of her hand lingered at the small of Jaina’s back. “If these peace talks are to bear fruit, we can’t have the Lord Admiral of Kul Tiras assaulted in the streets. And we can’t have you levelling half the street in retaliation.” Her eyes slid sidelong knowingly.

Jaina huffed. “I could have managed with a little more tact than that.”

“I have no doubt,” Sylvanas said. They walked on for a time in a stilted sort of silence, until the Warchief folded her arms behind her back and remarked idly, “How have your experiments been going?”

Jaina paused in her step and stared.

Shrugging, Sylvanas said, “Derek likes to talk.” It was strange to hear her brother’s name on such a foreign tongue. “I understand the desire to...process the state your brother returned to you in. Not many of the living had such a kind reception to their Undead loved ones.”

“...He told me you gave him the choice to come back. Despite everything.” Jaina’s gaze was hard and searching, but not unkind.

Sylvanas’ ears swivelled and flicked, but there was nothing in her face that gave away the Warchief’s thoughts. She shrugged. “...I do not Raise those who do not wish to be raised. Not without purpose."

“And what was your purpose here?”

Sylvanas peered at her thoughtfully before turning back forward. “I did not Raise him with the intention of misusing him. I know the stories the Alliance tells about my powers. My goals and aims.”

Her burning eyes slid sidelong to Jaina for a moment. Quietly, she said, “I will not lie and say that the possibility never crossed my mind. But the Forsaken have never been mine to use. They are my kin, not my servants.”

The weight of Sylvanas’ words stunned Jaina; brought every story about the Dark Lady and her relationship with the Forsaken into question. Many thought her a tyrant — and she was, in many ways — but this was not one of them, it seemed.

Jaina ducked her head almost in shame before nodding once, meeting Sylvanas’ gaze steadily. “I believe you.”

Sylvanas made a noise in her throat, tilting her head curiously at Jaina. “...Does he regret it? Some do.”

“No,” Jaina replied, and the honesty of her response surprised even herself. “I don’t think he does. I think he’s...trying to adjust. And I want to help.”

Sylvanas nodded slowly. “Do let me know, should you require another test subject. I would be curious to see what you could achieve,” she said.

“Wh—?”

“If you require information from the High Necromancer, I shall provide it,” Sylvanas continued, pausing as they reached the tower. Glancing up at the spire, she turned to Jaina. “It is my duty as their leader, is it not? To ease their burdens. I would like to help, if I can.”

Jaina blinked rapidly, then found herself nodding. It was the only thing she could think to do. “Y-yes, alright — I — thank you??”

A slow, curling smile spread across Sylvanas’ face. “You’re welcome. Until another time, Lady Proudmoore.”

#this got away from me YET AGAIN #anon #ask #fic drabble #sylvaina #sylvanas windrunner #jaina proudmoore #derek proudmoore #magic and vague lore things #can sylvanas really hear all the souls? who knows #i say she can #it's weird typing on my laptop again sobs #why are the keys so soft now #Anonymous

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star-maiden · 4 years ago

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Weekly Tarot Forecast 11/30/20 - 12/6/20

Hello and welcome! This is a general outlook tarot reading for the collective, by zodiac sign.This week, we are focusing on any message or messages coming through from Spirit that you need to hear right now in order to navigate the week ahead. If you happened upon this reading, then there is a message here that is meant for you! As with all of my readings for the collective, these messages are meant for a wide range of people, life paths and situations. It is general outlook advice. As such, you may find that not everything resonates with you completely, and that is ok. Please take only what resonates and leave the rest. You will also want to check your sun, moon and rising signs for the message or messages that are meant for you. I sincerely hope that these messages will serve your highest and greatest good, and assist you in making wise, informed decisions. Best wishes and many blessings!

♈ - Aries: Knight of Swords R: There is a situation in your life or coming toward you where you may feel as though you are bumbling around in the dark. Usually, the knight of swords charges in and defeats any obstacle with logic and discernment, but in this situation you may not have all the facts. Moving forward while in a state of fear or confusion is not likely to yield the best results. Alternatively, you might be rushing into something without conviction. When our actions are out of alignment with our true heart’s desire or higher calling, then we may feel stuck, bogged down or that we are just going through the motions for the sake of pleasing society or someone else. This isn’t good for you, Aries. You might need to reconsider a few things, and decide how you would like to get “unstuck” and move past this situation in a way that is supportive and healthy for you.

♉ - Taurus: The Empress R: This card feels very emotionally charged. There may be a pervasive feeling of lack or disconnection from abundance. You might be fearful about losing something that is close and dear to your heart. Taurus, there may be a situation in your life that is causing undue stress and/or anxiety. If this is the case, then the Empress Reversed is reminding you to slow down. Reconnect with yourself and the Earth. If you are open to alternative spirituality, you might want to practice connecting with the Earth as Divine Mother. Remember how she supports and sustains you, and know that there is no burden too heavy for her handle. If that’s not for you, consider focusing some extra attention on your self care practice. What can you do today that will help you feel more secure and supported? Who in your life can you talk to. It’s ok to lean on your loved ones for support. The key thing to remember here is that the Empress is never truly lacking in all resources. There is always a solution. There is always a way forward.

♊ - Gemini: High Priestess: Gemini, this week you may find yourself tapping into your intuitive side more than ever before. For any ongoing situation in your life, or for anything that comes up for you this week, know that your subconscious has been speaking to you. Trust your intuition and yourself enough to make your own decisions. Look for internal insights and convictions, rather than any form of external validations. Right now, speaking your own truth can be the most powerful catalyst for change. If you have been wondering about something, then this card is confirming that you already know the answers. Quiet down the outside noise and opinions of others. Listen to the voice of your inner wisdom; your experience. What is it saying to you?

♋ - Cancer: The Hanged One R: This week is time to get moving toward your goals! If there has been something that you have been trying to accomplish or bring into your life, then now is the time to start actively working toward achieving it. This message is especially true if you feel that you have been stuck in a period of waiting around, or a stalemate of some sort. Right about this week, things should be looking a lot clearer than before, and you should be feeling pretty on top of things. Your understanding and insights should be crystal clear in the coming week. What is it that you need to accomplish? How will you get there?

♌ - Leo: Knight of Pentacles R: There may be something coming into your life or a situation that you have been dealing with that now feels well and truly stuck. All progress has halted, and you may be feeling unmotivated and uninspired to continue. The important message of this card is to not give up hope! Often times, when we feel stuck on something and don’t know the way forward, we need to spend some more time researching and planning. Through the act of examining alternative routes and talking to those who have had similar experiences, new doorways will open up and you will be able to get things moving again, back on track. Another message that I’m hearing with this card is that you may need to take a bit of a break. This second message is especially true if your project is related to your creative capacity in some way. Sometimes, the best way to unblock a situation is to completely ignore it for a little while. This way, you can rekindle the passion and inspiration that helped you get started in the first place.

♍ - Virgo: 10 of Swords R: This week, you may find that a burden of some kind will be lifted from you. This is likely to be more mental/emotional than anything else. Old wounds are finally getting a chance to heal, and you should be feeling pretty good about things moving forward. For some of you, this may take the form of something moving out of your life for good (and for the better!). If there was a person or situation that was causing you a lot of stress, then this card is indicative that things will soon be resolved. You can hasten this healing process by releasing anything that does not support you mentally and emotionally in a healthy way. If something appears to be on its way out, it may be time to let it go. “Good Riddance” to old habits and dramas that were weighing you down.

♎ - Libra: 4 of Cups R: This week is a good time to notice the many blessings that have always been around you. You should be moving into a situation or mindset that feels more positive and uplifting. If you have been feeling lately that you’ve been in a bit of a slump, then this card is confirming that you are now reading to move away from that. This message may be related to social media or communication by phone in some way. If you have been feeling a bit off or like the people/situations/energies in your life just don’t hold the same spark for you anymore, then it may be time to look inwards for a bit. Consider what you really want in your life, and what would be most fulfilling to you. Opportunities will always present themselves to those who keep an open mind and look for them, but remember that you don’t always have to take what is being offered. If there is something in your life that you feel like you have to take because there are others telling you that it’s too good to pass up, be sure to check in with yourself and make sure it is actually in alignment with what you truly want. A blessing from one person’s point of view can seem rather disastrous from another.

♏ - Scorpio: 8 of Swords: There may be a situation in your life that has you feeling stuck and unable to see the way out. It may feel that your hands are tied or that the ground you have built your life on is mushy and slowly sinking into the depths of the earth. In your life, this feeling may manifest itself as a job you don’t like, or as a relationship that no longer feels fulfilling for you. It could even be a general sense of unease and entrapment. However, it is important to remember that there is always a way out. Oftentimes, when we are stressed, we can talk ourselves into a feeling of being powerless and unable to act. If this is the case for you, Scorpio, you’ll want to be extra mindful of your self-talk. We can easily make a situation feel worse than it is simply by using words that are negative, untrue or downright mean. It doesn’t have to be all sunshine and rainbow language all the time, especially if that’s not your thing. But consider how the words you use with yourself and others either disempower or empower you. How do your words inform your actions or inactions? Do they make you feel paralyzed, or do they inspire you to move forward toward your goals? Another thing to notice is that this card always comes with a silver lining. See the water at her feet, flowing away from the situation? Water has a lot to teach us. With patience and diligence, it can flow right through any obstacle. There is always a way out.

♐ - Sagittarius: 7 of Cups: This week, there will likely be many possibilities opening up for you. In situations involving choices that must be made in order to move forward, you may find that there are too many options to choose from. Each path forward may seem mystical and utterly full of excitement and magic. You may even be feeling a bit overwhelmed with the sheer number of possibilities. This may manifest as a feeling of feeling scattered or unable to commit to a person, situation or mindset. While it’s generally a good thing to keep our options open, sometimes we can become so mystified and distracted by the possibility of achieving what we desire, that we miss out on the opportunity to act. This week, Sagittarius, it may be beneficial for you to commit to one path and/or decision. Having a clear goal or purpose in mind while you make your choice will assist you in this.

♑ - Capricorn: The Hierophant: This week there is a lesson that needs to be learned or experienced in order for you to move forward or step away from a situation that has been causing a lot of harm or discomfort. This lesson holds the key to your success and inner growth, and will likely seem a bit stuffy or restrictive at first. The Hierophant is a card that speaks of tradition, status quo and learning for the sake of spiritual and/or character growth. It relies heavily on the idea that there is a certain way that things must be done, and to deviate from the traditional path means that you cannot achieve or accomplish the thing you are trying to attain. Is there something in your life right now that requires you to follow steps or a specific order? If so, then this card could be reinforcing the need to make sure you follow the proper guidelines well. When we are learning something, or being initiated into a tradition of some sort, then we can expect to follow certain steps or sequences of events. If this kind of learning is not for you, then there may be another path or study that will be better for you.

♒ - Aquarius: 8 of Pentacles: This week is the time to begin the work toward any project or goal that you have been considering. Being an air sign, it is likely that you excel at the mental/planning stages of the creative process, but you may struggle with the actual, physical work part. If this sounds like you, then this card is telling you that now is the time to go for it. You have planned and envisioned the way you’d like everything to be, and now it is time to bring your idea into being. This will likely be a process that could span several weeks to a few months. Know that any hard work you invest into your goals now will majorly pay off in the future.

♓ - Pisces: The Queen of Cups: This week, you should be able to embody the archetype of the Queen of water. This could mean that you are feeling in tune with your emotions and intuition. Your actions should be feeling in alignment with your emotions, and while you are able to source your inspiration from your deepest feelings, you should also have no trouble a healthy separation between your emotional reality and your physical reality. You may be feeling so in tune with this compassionate energy that others may look up to you or come to you for advice. You give off a vibe that makes others feel that they can speak with you about any personal or sensitive issue. They trust that you will always listen with compassion and empathy, and that you will never mock or belittle an experience, no matter how it seems. This week, you may find yourself stepping into the role of the Queen of Cups. Alternatively, this could be a gentle reminder to embody all of her qualities in your own life, for yourself. How can you bring the energy of this queen into your life this week?

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akampana · 3 years ago

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Dumb question after seeing the Guinevere ask: How would Gilgamesh react? Would he turn into a jealous mistress, or just tell her right in her face" it said until dead do you part, so this is my turn now, you had your chance"

I think the way Gil reacts (harem au or not) would largely depend on how Arturia herself reacts to Guin and if Lancelot is involved as well.

The interpretation of Guin and Arturia's relationship is left rather ambiguous (probably because it was a different time back then, alas).

Personally, based on Arturia thinking their wedding day was one her happiest days, I like to think Arturia really did love Guin or at the very least tried what she could to be a good enough husband.

But on Guinevere's part, she either tried but didn't get what she hoped to get out of the marriage due to the burden of Arturia being king or despaired at her fate and found her out in Lancelot. (I usually go with the former.)

It got long so the rest is below cut. :)

The ending for Lance and Guin isn't explicit and clear either (iirc) but I go with this one which is like in legend:

Their guilt is too much to bear so they go their separate ways. Guinevere enters the convent where she lives out the rest of her life. Lancelot survives her, unable to see her on her final days, then dies of old age some time after.

So first and foremost: if Guinevere arrives in Chaldea, how would Arty react?

Post-Shirou, Arturia already has peace. So in my interpretation, most likely she will be willing to make amends and rekindle a friendship BUT she would not be the instigator.

In FGO, Arturia doesn't have a lot of voice lines tied to people she knows (a source of rage for me, but I cope by thinking it's) because her story is...well it's over. It's been told. So I think she's just quietly serving as Ritsuka's Servant, but having fully accepted her life, she doesn't need to do anything more. She's just kinda hanging in the background, at least until someone (Gil, her other friends) convinces her there is more to this new chance at life.

If Arturia ever reconnects with her queen platonically or romantically or something in between, it would be because Guinevere made it happen.

Otherwise Arturia would have probably just left her to her devices and generally just been polite. As far as Arty is concerned, Guin had already been forgiven long ago.

Besides, esp if Lancelot(Harem AU aside, that's a different story) is also in Chaldea, Arturia would probably even support them together, since she's already experienced love/is experiencing a love of her own.

All that said, let's go to Gilgamesh:

If Guinevere ends up being a friend to Arturia, Gilgamesh will give his usual "unworthy mongrel" spiel but will, for the most part, leave her well enough alone. Gilgamesh knows the value of friendship, and friendships that were more than platonic. In the off-chance he feels jealous, it would only be because Guin cuts into his Arturia time, nothing more.

If Guinevere wants to pursue something romantic, however, that's when he thinks he has the right to step in. At this point, Arturia's already slipped through his fingers twice. He wouldn't allow himself to lose her to someone who already had Arturia as a spouse and still sought another. This especially holds true if Gil is already in an established relationship with Arturia.

But he doesn't have to be violent to carry it out of course. He probably wouldn't even deem Guinevere a worthy rival. The worst he'd do is tell Guinevere a truth the queen already knows:

She once held precious treasure in her hands and still discarded it for fool's gold.

Gilgamesh would not make that mistake.

So yep, he'd go with the latter choice in the ask. :) Thanks for stopping by the inbox!

#akampana asks #hope i gave you an enjoyable enough read for a gilart take on this #:)#of course there are so many takes MWAHAHAHHHAHA #fate #fgo #arturia pendragon #gilgamesh #guinevere

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littlemissaddict · 4 years ago

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If you love someone, Set them free

Summary: Julie and Luke have a bad break up which causes Luke to quit the band and cut off all contact with her and the guys but later they reconnect. Can they rekindle what they had or is all lost. (Requested)

Word count: 4692

A/n: I had so much fun writing this one and it’s so much longer than I thought it was going to be but I just couldn’t stop writing. Also this quote was all I could think about when I read the request and it helped inspire the fic.

If you love something, let it go. If it returns, it's yours; if it doesn't, it wasn't. If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were.

Reggie had been in a weird mood lately. He wasn’t sure if it was because he’d spent the week at home and not the Molina’s where he’d practically been living for the last couple of months. When Ray had found out about the problems he was having at home he had offered to let him stay at their place for a couple of days but a couple of days turned into a month and a month turned into a couple. Ray treated Reggie like part of the family and he always got along with Julie and he was like a big brother to Carlos, it just seemed to work. Reggie thinks that's why he had gone and let slip to Ray when he found out that Julie and Luke were secretly dating. He hadn’t meant to eavesdrop on them, he was early for band practice and was going to wait in the studio when he heard the two of them talking.

“Luke we can’t keep doing this, we’re going to get caught” he heard Julie say, her voice was muffled.

“I know but you’re dad has made himself very clear that when we started this band none of us were to date you” Luke replied.

“Yes but that was before he got to know you all, I mean look at Reggie, dad has practically adopted him” Julie pointed out and Luke let out a small sigh

“Reggie’s not the one dating his daughter though is he” he said and there was silence after that so Reggie had decided that it was time to go in.

“Hey guys” he said cheerily as he walked through the door pretending that he hadn’t just been listening from the other side of the door.

---

“Hey Julie, can we talk?” Ray asked, popping his head round Julie’s bedroom door, it had been a couple of days since Reggie had told him about what he had overheard in the studio.

“Sure dad, what’s up?” Julie asks, looking up from her homework and he comes into the room, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“I know about you and Luke,” he says looking at her, watching the smile fall from her face, he takes this and her silence as confirmation that Reggie was right. “Julie you know the deal we had when I agreed to let you join the band, you promised me that this wouldn’t happen” he sighs

“But that was before you got to know the boys, you know Luke and you know he would never do anything to hurt me. Please just trust me with this” Julie pleads, tears filling her eyes but Ray shakes his head.

“No Julie, I’m sorry but this thing with Luke you need to end it or I pull the plug on the band” he says, standing up and walking out, leaving Julie to decide what she was going to do.

When Ray left Julie let the tears fall, what was she going to do. They had put too much hard work and effort into the band to get it to where it was now plus it wasn't just her it would affect if they had to end it, it would be Alex and Reggie as well who had done nothing to deserve this. But how could she sacrifice what she had found with Luke.

It had taken her all night but she had finally decided what she was going to do but then it had taken her even longer to finally pluck up the courage to message Luke to go through with it.

Can we talk?

Her heart raced as she sent the message but she didn’t have to wait long for Luke to read it and before she knew it his face was popping up on her screen.

“Hey Julie, what’s up?” he smiled at her but then faltered slightly as he took in her red puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks “Baby, what’s wrong?” he asks with concern clear in his voice and on his face. Julie still hadn’t spoken, her chest felt tight and she wasn’t sure she could speak without fresh tears escaping.

“I-I can’t do this anymore” she finally says, her voice quiet.

“Can’t do what anymore?” he asks softly, his brows furrowed as confusion filled him.

“This.Us.” she replies, voice cracking as a fresh wave of tears threatened to spill.

“What? Why? Did I do something?” He questions, he eyes water and he’s pulled his bottom lip in between his teeth as he waits for her to answer. Julie can tell that he’s holding back tears himself which makes it harder for her to do this.

“No but dad found out about us” she says with a shake of her head, a tear slipping free from her eyes which she wipes away quickly as she remembers her earlier conversation with her dad.

“Please Julie don’t do this. We-we can work something out, I’ll come over and talk to him but please baby don’t do this” he pleads, tears now falling freely but she shakes her head.

“I’m sorry Luke” she whispers, ending the call before she breaks down, throwing her phone down onto the bed as she curls up into a ball, tears wetting the duvet as she buries her face in it to quieten her sobs, the image of Luke face in her mind until she falls asleep.

---

“Okay what’s going on why did Luke message me to tell me he’d quit the band?” Alex asks as soon as he walks through the garage doors into the studio where he found Julie and Reggie waiting.

“Wait what-what do you mean he’s quit?” Julie asks quietly, eyes filling up with tears, she was still upset from their conversation last night and this was the last thing she had wanted, she thought if she broke up with Luke then she could still have both the band and him in her life and then their hard work wouldn’t be wasted.

“No idea just a message this morning asking me to let you both know that he’s done, he’s finished with the band” Alex explains “Either of you know what could have lead to this” he asks as Reggie shakes his head at the same time as Julie nods, causing both of the boys to stare at her.

“Me and Luke were dating” she starts and hears Alex mumble something that sounds like ‘thought so’ which earns him a glare from Julie before she carries on “My dad found out somehow and he made me break up with him if I wanted to carry on with the band.” a tear falls from her eyes as she speaks. Reggie gasps suddenly drawing the attention of the other two, his face pale as he realises what he had done.

“This is all my fault, Julie I am so sorry. I heard you and Luke in here last week and I may have accidentally told your dad” Reggie admits, his voice quiet and his gaze never leaving the floor in front of him.

“Reggie, how could you” Julie cries the tears falling again and Alex moves forward to pull her into a hug “I’ve lost everything, first Luke now the band” she says her voice muffled as her face is pressed against the front of Alex’s hoodie as he tries his best to calm her down. Reggie leaves not long after not wanting to stay and Alex stays for the afternoon, comforting her as best he could until he had to go home. She goes up to her room then and messages Luke to let him know what had happened because he deserves to know, she wishes he was here with her now but that wasn’t going to happen. When she checked her phone again she saw that Luke had read the message but not replied which had upset her even though she knew that there was nothing else to say.

---

Two years later and Julie had finished school, she had moved away for college and was ready for a fresh start. The past couple of years have been tough. Since her break up with Luke he had cut off all contact with her, Alex and Reggie. They had decided that it was best if they didn’t carry on with the band as they didn’t want to replace Luke, not that anyone could replace him anyway. Her relationship with her dad was not what it used to be and although Reggie still spent a lot of time at her house Julie had made it a point to avoid him when he was there, opting to spend her time in her room or at Flynn’s. Flynn was one of the only friends that she still spoke to except Alex who she was still close to despite not seeing each other a lot, but she was hopeful that she would make more friends when classes started.

That was until she walked into her first music class and there he sat looking just as she remembered him until she caught a glimpse of his face. He looked older, granted two years had passed but Julie didn’t feel as if she’d changed that much, his features were sharper, his hair longer and her eyes lingered on the stubble that littered his jaw. She pulled her eyes away from him, dropping her gaze before she was caught staring and silently made her way over to a desk taking a seat on the opposite side of the room so that she wasn’t tempted by him. He doesn’t want to talk to you, she reminded herself as she pulled out her notebook and tried to distract herself until the class began but making a mental note to talk to Flynn later about it. The first week went by quickly and Julie was finding herself falling into the swing of the classes quite easily, the only class she’d had a problem with was music as that was the one Luke was in and more often than not she had found her attention drifting to him rather than what the teacher. It also meant she missed the announcement of the first solo project that they were been given until she was handed a piece of paper with a list of songs on it, that she realised that they had to pick one to perform the following week, she scanned the list quickly but with nothing jumping out at her she decided to leave it until she got back to her dorm when she could go through the songs properly.

Later that evening when she had finished work for one of her other classes she felt her mind wander to the list of songs that she had been given and she reached into her bag pulling it out. She let her eyes scan the page reading each song carefully until she was left with a few that she thought were possibilities. She grabbed her headphones and opened up youtube, she searched each song listening to them carefully but it wasn’t until she had come to the last one that she had decided what she was going to sing. She spent her free time for the next week practicing the song, making sure it was perfect, ready for the performance. When the day finally arrived Julie was nervous, she knew her song choice was risky but it was a chance she had to take, the lyrics felt personal and she was hoping that with the song she could finally apologise properly to Luke. She knew there was no chance of them getting back together but she missed him and she wanted her friend back so she was willing to take the risk.

Julie got to class early on the day of the performance, it wasn’t intentional she had just gotten ready earlier than usual, trying to keep herself busy so that she didn’t think of what was to come but she also wanted to check with the teacher whether or not she was still ok to use the piano as they had been encouraged to use instruments in their performances. She noticed Luke as soon as he walked into the room, his guitar in hand and Julie felt herself smile remembering how much she used to love hearing him play. When it came to her turn Julie settled herself on the piano bench, letting her fingers rest on the keys before she took a deep breath and started to sing, pouring all the emotion she could into the song. When she came to the end of the song she let her eyes wander around the room finding Luke, his eyes already locked onto her and she kept her eyes on him as she sang the last verse to him.

“In case you hear this then know you’re the love of my life, want to tell you I’m sorry I miss having you by my side, when you were mine” she sang hoping that he could tell how much she meant it as she finished by singing the chorus one last time. She took her seat again and watched the last performances, hoping to get a chance to speak to Luke when the class ended but that chance never came and in the weeks that followed she still didn’t get to speak to him.

It was a few weeks later, towards the end of class when their teacher announced that she was putting them into partners for the next project and Julie dared to hope that she would get put with Luke as it meant she would have an excuse to talk to him. It seemed the universe was on her side as she heard her name called followed by Luke’s and she chanced a glance at him to find he was already looking at her, the look on his face was unreadable and Julie wondered if he was going to ask to switch partners but he stayed quiet. When she had finished calling out the list of names she let them know that these would be their partners for the remainder of the year and with that she dismissed them. Julie collects her belongings and goes to leave but she finds her path blocked, looking up she finds herself face to face with Luke.

“Hey” he says, a hesitant smile on his face.

“Hey” Julie responds just as hesitantly but she can’t stop the feeling of happiness that washes over her at the mere act of just talking to him again.

“So were partners” he states and Julie nods, her eyes not quite meeting his as speaks again “I was thinking, if you’ve got some free time tomorrow we could meet up and may be make a start on this, get it over and done with” he says, his hand coming up to rub the back of his neck and that's when Julie realises that he’s nervous, the hand thing she remembered him doing from when they were together.

“Yeah um I’ve got a free period at one tomorrow, we could meet and get lunch beforehand” she suggests pushing her luck by mentioning lunch.

“Cool, I’ll uh I’ll message you” Luke says and with that he’s gone leaving Julie wondering what the hell had just happened. Glancing at the clock Julie realised she was running late, she was meant to be meeting Flynn for lunch, she hoisted her bag over her shoulder and quickly made her out of the classroom.

“There you are, what took you so long?” Flynn exclaimed when she spotted Julie hurrying towards her “and what’s with that smile, you’re practically glowing” Flynn teases knowing what class she had come from and what certain someone was in that class with her.

“We’ve been given our project partners” she says and Flynn gives her a knowing look,

“Let me guess you’re with Luke”

Julie nods, “We’re meeting tomorrow to start working on the project but I asked him to get lunch with me beforehand and he agreed” Julie says excitedly as she follows Flynn into the cafeteria.

---

Later on that evening Julie’s phone buzzed and she looked down to see a message from Luke and she felt a flutter in her chest, it had been that long since he’d messaged her that it made her giddy. Before she’d even got a chance to read the message her phone buzzed again with another message from Luke and she worried that he was cancelling their study plans.

Hi Julie, it’s Luke I hope I still have the right number for you but I was thinking that we could go to the little café just off campus for lunch tomorrow. That’s if you still want to.

Relief flooded Julie as she read his messages and she couldn’t help the smile that stretched across her face as she typed out her reply.

The next day Julie is waiting nervously outside the door to Luke’s last class before lunch, her hands are fidgeting by her sides as she waits, feeling like she did on the first date that her and Luke ever went on. She stops herself there, not wanting to go any further with that train of thought as she doesn’t want old feelings resurfacing that would ruin her chance of reconnecting with Luke. The sound of a door opening startles her and she remembers where she is, pulling herself together as she watches for Luke, smiling as he greets her with a wave. They walk in a comfortable silence on the way to the lunch, every now and then Luke will point something out to Julie or he’ll say something that makes her laugh which makes her realise just how much she has missed having him in her life but the thing that gets to her most is that while they’re walking their hands keep brushing together between them and Julie has to fight the urge not to just reach out for his hand as she doesn’t know how he’ll react.

“So how’ve you been since, you know” he asks once they’re sat waiting for their food, his voice trails off towards the end as if he’s unsure of whether he wants to know the answer or not. Julie’s smile fall from her face at his question and he back tracks quickly “It’s okay you don’t have to tell me, I shouldn’t have asked”

Julie shakes her head, “No it’s fine, I probably should’ve expected it” she sighs “It’s just been tough, you know” she says and Luke nods, he does know, those first couple of weeks without Julie and the boys had been tough to say the least as he’d been friends with them forever and to just cut off all contact was hard for him but he felt it was necessary if he was to move on.

“That morning in the studio when Alex came in and told us you had quit, I just broke down like the whole reason I broke up with you was just so that we could continue with the band because we had put so much effort into it to get it to where it was, I just didn’t want all that to go to waste,” Julie confesses and Luke stays quiet not sure what to say “and then Reggie told us what he had done and that was it, the final straw, I was completely broken. I mean I still haven’t talked to him since then and I feel kinda guilty because he’s not a bad person, I mean he does some stupid things at times but he would never intentionally try to hurt someone” Julie finishes, realising she had never admitted that out loud before but it was true, she missed Reggie just as much as she’d missed Luke but for completely different reasons.

“But you didn’t carry on with the band” Luke says finally and Julie is surprised that it’s all he has to say after what she had confessed, she thought he’d be upset that she chose the band over him but his face is unreadable and Julie’s not sure what to say.

“No, too much bad blood I guess after everything that happened,” she shrugs, “plus it’s not like we could have found anyone to replace you, no one would have compared to you” she says, panicking slightly after she’d said it. She looks at Luke trying to gauge his reaction, he’s biting his lip and it looks like he’s trying to suppress a smile and before they know it they’re both laughing.

“Okay that was cheesy, like straight out of one of those stupid rom-com movies that Alex used to make us watch” he says between laughs, laughs that earn them a disapproving look from the waitress as she brings their food over and they try to quieten down but as soon as she’s gone they can’t help laughing again. Their conversation lessens as they eat but Julie still wants to know what Luke did after he cut off all contact with her and the boys, he’s reluctant to tell her at first but he never could say no to Julie back when they were together and it seems that he still can’t now.

“I’m not going to lie mom was really happy when I quit, she’d never liked that it was what I wanted to do but I think she soon realised just how much it meant to me and how much it motivated me I guess. You know she even tried to talk me into joining the band again” he explains and Julie nods, she’d known Luke a long time so for his mom to actually want him to joint the band again because it made him happy he must have been pretty sad and it hurts her to know she was the cause of the sadness.

“Luke I’m really sorry for everything” Julie says, a sad smile on her face and Luke starts to reply but he’s interrupted by the waitress clearing their plates but he’s quick to speak up again after she leaves.

“No, one life no regrets remember,” Luke jokes making Julie giggle “seriously though I think it was good that we talked, call it closure if you will but maybe now we’ve cleared the air we could work on becoming friends again” he says but it comes out more like a question.

“That would be nice but you’ve got to do one thing for me” Julie says and Luke quirks his eyebrow at her in question “talk to Alex, he doesn't show it but he really misses you” she frowns and he nods, that he could do because he missed Alex too. They end up staying in the cafe talking, completely forgetting that they were supposed to be working on the project for music until Julie notices the time and realises that she’s going to be late for her next class. Luke offers to walk her to her next class and Julie lets him because she’s not ready to stop talking just yet as they still have a lot to catch up on, two years is a long time after all but they also need to work out a time for them to actually start their project because she really doesn’t want to turn it in late and risk having them split up if the teacher feels like they can’t work together. Julie gets to her next class on time and leaves Luke with an awkward goodbye and the promise that she will message him later.

By the time the weekend rolls around Julie’s glad that she doesn’t have to wake up early for class because her and Luke stayed up late last night talking and going over their plans for the weekend as they had decided to spend the weekend working on the project to get it out of the way so that they had more time to hang out together. When she wakes it late morning and she hurries to get ready as Luke said he was going to come over around lunch time as his roommate was having friends over and he couldn’t stand his roommate at the best of times and apparently his friends were worse. Luke was also shocked to learn that Julie had been lucky to get a room to herself and he had complained about it a lot to the point where it was starting to get on her nerves

A knock on the door grabs her attention and she opens it to find Luke with a big smile on his face and a bag of food in his hand, “Can’t work on an empty stomach now can we” he jokes as Julie lets him into her room and he begins to unpack the food. Julie is slightly shocked by how much food he’s brought but she tucks into the food anyway as they chat about their classes. It’s about an hour later when they finally start to work on the project which Luke is a bit reluctant about at first until Julie reminds him the quicker they start it the quicker they will be done with it which motivates him to get to work.

It’s late and Julie’s tired as they’ve spent all day working and somehow managed to finish most of the project for music but she’s happy just to relax with Luke. They had put on a movie after they had gotten dinner and somehow Julie had ended up cuddled into Luke’s side with her head resting on his chest and his arm around her. She can feel her eyes getting heavier and she is sure she is going to fall asleep sometime soon until Luke’s voice catches her attention.

“You know how I said that maybe we could work at being friends again, I think I’ve changed my mind” he says and suddenly Julie’s not tired anymore instead she’s worried, worried that she’s done something wrong and this is all her fault. She pulls away from him and looks at him with wide eyes as she tries to decipher the look on his face as if it will give her some clue to what he’s thinking.

“I thought I had moved on from what we had and that we could be friends but the truth is I haven’t. I still love you Julie and I can’t spend all this time with you pretending that I don’t. I just can’t take it anymore” he adds, watching her carefully hoping that she’ll give him some sign that she feels the same.

“It’s okay I understand I shouldn’t have expected us to go back to how we were before but you don’t have to stick around if you don’t want to” Julie replies, an overwhelming sadness filling her up as tears threaten to fall from her eyes which Luke must notice because he sits up pulling her close to him and holding her tight as he talks.

“That’s not what I meant, I want to try us again. I want to hug you, kiss you, hold you close and tell you how much I love you just like before. I want everyone to know that you’re mine and I am yours, no secrets this time.” he declares and Julie can’t believe what she’s hearing. She looks up at him, speechless but he takes that silence as rejection “It's okay if you don’t want to. I can pretend that this never happened and we can just be friends” he says sadly.

“But what if I can’t pretend,” Julie says, finally finding her voice again and shocking Luke “What if I can’t pretend to be just friends after hearing that you feel the same as I do” she reveals watching as a smile finds its way onto Luke’s face.

“So no more hiding” he asks, reaching for her hand and intertwining their fingers.

“No more hiding” she confirms.

#julie and the phantoms #jatp #julie molina #jatp julie #luke patterson #jatp luke #jatp juke #juke #julie x luke #jatp alex #Alex Mercer #jatp reggie #Reggie Peters #carlos molina #ray molina #jatp flynn #fluff #angst

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searchingwardrobes · 4 years ago

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First of all, I know it seems like I have abandoned my fanfic writing, but I promise you, that isn’t true. I was actually working on I Promise to Kiss You the other night, and I am SO close to posting that final chapter! BUT, I must confess that Josiah and Kate from my book The One Who Sees Me have just been invading my muse. Tuesday night, this story just poured out of me.

I talked about this on my Facebook Live, but one part of Josiah’s personality that was really important to me was that he is safe. A man being safe is almost a bad word in rom-coms and romance novels, but it shouldn’t be. Men should absolutely be safe. Women should feel safe in their arms, safe sharing their hearts, safe enough to completely be themselves. So here is a story told from Josiah’s point of view in which he ponders how important it is to him that his wife feel safe. Oh, and some fluffy marital bliss and domesticity.

Rated: M for a married couple being open and free about sex, I guess, just to be safe, but it’s only discussed, not portrayed

Words: 1,300 and some change

Oh, and you can get a copy of The One Who Sees Me here , if you’re interested.

Tagging some who might be interested or at least humor me when it comes to my babies from Lightport : @snowbellewells @teamhook @xhookswenchx @kmomof4 @hookedonapirate @ilovemesomekillianjones @reynoldsreads @whimsicallyenchantedrose @welllpthisishappening @wellhellotragic @optomisticgirl @spartanguard @ekr032-blog-blog @jrob64 @ultraluckycatnd @superchocovian @bethacaciakay @distant-rose @klynn-stormz @carpedzem @cheerynoir

Josiah Barrett was distracted. Not because he didn’t want to hear his wife tell him about her day. On the contrary, he looked forward to reconnecting over dinner. Or reconnecting as much as a one year old flinging peas on the floor allowed. He honestly didn’t understand men who complained about their wives always wanting to talk. There was no one he enjoyed having a conversation with more than Kate. It had always been that way.

No, he was distracted because his head was full of plans for Valentine’s Day. A few months ago, he and Kate had purchased a “rekindle the romance kit” recommended in a couple’s devotional they were reading together. Not that he felt in the least that the spark was gone. Kate turned him on just walking into the room at times. It was just that ever since Haley was born, they found they had to be more intentional when it came to their relationship. Hence scheduled date nights, the couple’s devotional . . .

And the romance “kit.”

The rule of the kit was simple - open an envelope and follow the instructions to create a romantic moment with your spouse. No excuses, no skipping cards, no matter how awkward it made you feel. The pink cards were for the husband to do for his wife while the red cards were for the wife to do for her husband. They usually took turns planning their dates using the cards, but for Valentine’s Day, they had both opened one. That’s what had Josiah so distracted.

He couldn’t stop mulling over his plans for the next evening. While he and Kate shared dinner at a restaurant, his brother was going to decorate their car like he had on their wedding day. Only, instead of “just married,” Micah was going to write “happily married.” On the way home, Josiah was going to take a detour to Founder’s Park, where he had proposed all those years ago and dance with Kate just like he had then to “Hero” by Enrique Iglesias - their song.

Kate was going to love it, and he was giddy with excitement.

A loud, clattering sound startled him out of his reverie. Haley squealed loudly and slapped the tray of her high chair. Josiah laughed.

“She threw her sippy cup. Again.”

He glanced at Kate as he bent to retrieve the cup. She was staring nervously at her plate, pushing peas around with her fork.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I haven’t been listening, have I?”

She gave him a wane smile. “It’s not that. I know teething isn’t exactly a riveting topic.”

Haley took the cup from his hand and started sucking down the water inside. Good - maybe they had a minute or two reprieve from the cup throwing game.

“What is it then?”

Kate bit her lip and blinked as if holding back tears. After a long pause, she blurted out, “I can’t do it!”

He frowned with concern. “Do what?”

She dropped her fork with a clatter and pressed both hands to her face. “The card,” she mumbled behind her fingers, “for Valentine’s Day.”

He said nothing, trying to process her words. Haley fussed, and on auto-pilot, he sprinkled some snack puffs onto the high chair tray to distract her.

Kate ran her hands through her hair as she looked up at him. “I know it says not to skip cards, but I can’t, Josiah. I just can’t.”

Now he was alarmed. He was always careful to be a patient and tender lover with Kate, knowing she had been victimized in her young, innocent years. The cards for wives were always sexual in nature, but it was a Christian product, so nothing had been inappropriate. So far, anyway. Kate had been emboldened by the cards to get past her shyness: dancing for him, initiating sex, making love in unique places around the house, but none of it ever seemed to upset her. She would blush and giggle, and he would assure her that he found her incredibly sexy, but he had never seen her afraid.

Was she afraid? That was one thing he never, ever wanted her to feel with him.

He realized he had been quiet for too long when she started speaking again in a hurried, nervous tone. “It just grosses me out. I mean, the thought of doing it makes me physically repulsed. Can I please pick another card? Or just do my own thing?”

Good Lord above, what was on this card?

“What does it want you to do?” he whispered, then he inwardly berated himself.

It shouldn’t matter, you idiot! She clearly doesn’t feel comfortable doing it!

“It wants me to let you . . . “ she hesitated for a beat, then blurted out, “eat fruit off my

body!”

At first, he was rendered speechless. That had not been what he had expected. Well, he wasn’t really sure what he’d expected, but it certainly wasn’t fruit.

“It’s just so . . . sticky,” she added, wrinkling her nose in an adorable way.

Then he couldn’t help it - he burst out laughing. Haley startled, dropped her cup again, then joined her Daddy with gleeful belly laughs despite having no clue what was so funny. At first Kate gaped at him, which only made him laugh more. Soon, she was chuckling too. They laughed and laughed until tears rolled down their cheeks and they could scarcely breathe.

“Fruit?” he finally gasped. “You had me so worried, and then it’s all about fruit?”

“Don’t laugh,” she giggled. She rolled her eyes at him and tossed a wadded up napkin at his head. “You know how I feel about food fights.”

He did. Every time they saw one on TV or in a movie, it grossed her out. The thought of ketchup in her hair or mashed potatoes down her shirt made her shiver with revulsion. “You know somebody has to clean that up,” she would always say.

“Come here,” he told her, opening up his arms. She blushed sheepishly as she rose from her chair and rounded the kitchen table. She curled up on his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Kate,” he told her, brushing her hair off her forehead and tucking it behind her ear, “all I need is you to be perfectly satisfied. If anything - anything at all - makes you feel uncomfortable, please tell me. I never want you to feel that way when we’re intimate, even if it’s just something like sticky fruit.”

She smiled down at him, cupping his jaw with one hand, a picture of perfect contentment. Just as he longed for her to feel with him.

“I love you,” she lowered her lips to his and kissed him thoroughly, running her fingers through his hair.

“I love you too,” he replied huskily when she finally pulled away.

“My alternate plan is to feed you chocolate covered strawberries.”

“I like that plan.”

She kissed him again, but then they were interrupted by Haley’s squeals. The sight of their daughter had them both laughing again.

“Sweetheart,” Josiah told his wife, “I don’t think our daughter shares your opinion on food fights.”

Their one year old had mashed up her peas and then rubbed it into her hair. With a half chuckle, half groan, Kate got off Josiah’s lap and went to unbuckle their daughter from her high chair.

“Which would you rather clean?” he asked his wife. “The chair or the baby?”

“The baby, definitely.”

He watched his wife, her strawberry blonde hair in a messy bun on top of her head, no makeup, clad in yoga pants and an oversized t-shirt. She balanced their daughter on her hip as she wiped tiny hands and cheeks with a baby wipe. Her smile was bright and her eyes sparkled as she spoke lovingly to their child. Despite the messy peas still in the tiny girl’s fine hair, Kate pressed a sloppy kiss to the baby’s freshly wiped, chubby cheek, making Haley giggle. Josiah’s heart swelled with love for this woman: his best friend, his wife, the mother of his child. He stepped forward and pressed a kiss to the crown of her head.

“What was that for?” she asked him.

“Like I said, I just need you.”

#my writing #my original writing #the one who sees me #the front row series #josiah and kate

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animatedminds · 4 years ago

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Film Review: On Jingle Jangle

Spoilers for the subsequent review: I liked it. And what’s more, there are things about it that make me happy on a conceptual level both as a writer and as an African American writer, and just as a lover of musicals and fun adventures. Read on after the jump!

It’s been a while, and I promised a review on Jingle Jangle - the Netflix exclusive film starring Forrest Whitaker, Madalen Mills and Keegan-Michael Key which came out a few weeks ago - sometime last week and never delivered. Well, here it is. And if you want the abridged version of my opinion, well, look above.

To give a short summary, Jingle Jangle is an clearly intentionally chintzy film written in the vein of classic Christmas fantasy movies. It focuses on a toymaker - a great gadgeteer renowned in his universe as the greatest of all time - who is able to see the world in amazing terms and make toys function like magic. However, on the cusp of his greatest invention, his apprentice - and the invention itself, who turns out to be egotistical and vile - betrays him and steals all his designs, breaking his heart so badly that he cannot bring up the spark to invent ever again. His apprentice grows rich on his work, while the toymaker - one Jeronicus Jangle - grows old, in the process losing his wife, after which his daughter estranges from him. And that’s just in the first ten minutes. Depressing enough for you? Well, the rest of the movie is more than sweet enough to make up for it. As you might expect from a set up like that, the turning point comes when Jeronicus’ granddaughter Journey finally gets the chance to visit him and discovers his one last, unfinished invention. Suddenly Jeronicus, now a bitter old hermit, has the opportunity to find the love he lost within him again and rekindle his spark, his daughter (played by a criminally underused Anika Noni Rose) has the opportunity to reconnect with him, and the toy shop - Jangles and Things - might finally have a future again. But look out, Jangle’s old apprentice is out of blueprints and needs one to keep his fame and fortune - and Jeronicus’ last invention is looking very profitable... As you might expect from a the description above, this movie is very by numbers plotwise. But I’ve never considered that necessarily a bad thing, as long as a film captures the charm that makes those numbers typical in the first place. The movie is very obviously trying to capture a feeling, a kind of story that - perhaps because they’re so well known by our generation - you don’t see much of any more, and so plays all those archetypical traits to the hilt. The last invention runs on “belief” - if you don’t believe it’s real or in yourself, it won’t work - and you can imagine why. The apprentice is a money grubbing showman who never understood the real point of toymaking. The narrator is an old woman who, surprise! (not really), turns out the Journey herself! Are those plot points groan-worthy? Sure, sometimes. But it also delivers those warm fuzzy feelings those groans intend, and that’s... well... magical. It’s not trying to be avant-garde, it’s only trying to make us feel joyous for a few hours. And you know what? I can appreciate that.

Because of that, my primary criticisms instead are about elements in that regard that the film doesn’t fulfill enough. The story is obviously about Jeronicus’ journey from disillusioned miser to the optimistic, loving man of his youth, but this happens too fast: he goes from yelling at Journey for messing with his stuff, to begrudgingly having a snowball fight with her that he turns out to enjoy, to suddenly having to make the crossroads to use his spark again to save her because he loves her so much, with barely anything in between: I wanted more - more stages in-between Jeronicus two poles, so that we can see him develop in a stronger way rather than kind of jump between the points we know he’s going to go through like a connect the dots drawing. His daughter's relationship is a primary plot point, but she doesn’t even show up for more than a cursory line or two until the very end, so we don’t get to see that develop much either. While Journey and her goofball sidekick carry the film, as they should, there is perhaps a bit too little time dedicated to the characters around them - seeing as they’re explicitly the impact characters affecting their family’s change for the positive. Even the villains are responsible for the whole thing are mostly are present in the story for comedy and they don’t get a lot of face time with the people they’ve affected either, all of which adds up to parts that could have had a lot more substance to them but which didn’t. The film overall is great, but the limits it puts on its own pacing and development hold it back from being as great as it could be.

However, as I noted before, there��s more than what I've just talked about going on here. There are conceptual aspects that made this one of my favorite movies this year, rather than necessarily the plot: which is only why this movie is engaging to watch. What the movie is built around is what makes it so special. First of all, a fantasy adventure movie with an entirely black primary cast is rare - entirely too rare - because African Americans simply don’t get those kinds of films in the mainstream. Realistic urban dramas, lurid romances about failing marriages, uplifting stories about rising out of the hood, etc - that’s the genres Hollywood typically allows for African Americans to star in: movies that hinge on archetypes about black existence in America and thus only sell attempt to themselves as “black movies” without widespread appeal, if one wants to go one step beyond. A musical about a magical inventor who creates a robot that lets you fly if you believe in yourself enough? Not especially, unless it’s a preachy DTV film about community. The primary villain is a Spanish matador doll with delusions of grandeur - Gaston as a toy - and its a weird and strange and outright wonderful idea. And interestingly, while this movie is themed and framed like a Christmas movie - I mean, just look at the name - there isn’t anything particularly Christmas about it beyond being about a toymaker. Jangle isn’t a Santa analogue, Christmas itself is never mentioned, nor is much of the imagery (beyond snow and winter) exceptionally Christmas reminiscent, being more of a Victorian Steampunk instead - full of gears and automatons and top hats (whoever did the costuming for this thing ought to get a medal, especially for the costuming in the bright period we see in the initial flashback). Its stuff like that that’s noticeable simply because African Americans in film don’t generally get to interact with those sorts of strange and weird and wonderful ideas. And this extends to the music. As both a fan of musicals, a Disney fan in particular, and a black writer, something I’ve noticed with no small amount of dismay is the way certain genres of music have been skipped over by mainstream. You have to go off the beaten path to find musicals that seriously incorporate hip hop, or R&B, soul, funk, etc into soundtracks and anything other than “party time” numbers that are just about the characters getting down and don’t engage the plot or the characters in a meaningful way - which gives off the impression that on a writing and developmental level, there is a lack of respect for those genres as having serious merit for meaningful usage. Oh, for sure, there’s musicals like “In The Heights” (which was fantastic, and I’m eagerly waiting for the film), but those are rare, and the closest you tend to get is Lin Manuel Miranda’s (much as I enjoy him) long bouts of recitative which are called “rap” by reviewers but aren’t really what I’m talking about when I mean genre. This film makes a point of kicking that trend in the pants, however: starting with a bombastic character establishment hip hop number, going into Motown-style R&B numbers and soul ballads and all sorts of wonderful genres of black music that have been long since lefts out of the mainstream. It’s something that I’m especially happy about and which leads me into tomorrow - when Soul arrives (and you better believe you’re getting a review of that as well) and hopefully delivers the same thing.

As a black writer, and a lover of music, and a lover of bringing new avenues of representation to film and media, Jingle Jangle made me happy in a way no film since Black Panther has, and for that along it immediately landed a spot on my list of classics even if it weren’t also a quite enjoyable movie. So as you might have guessed, thus, from the preceding - I quite recommend it for anyone looking for a wonderful cheesy time this Christmas, and also for someone looking to see how black musicals are growing and evolving.

#jingle jangle #netflix #african american #black representation #black film #hip hop #soul #r&B #forrest whitaker #madalen mills #keegan-michael key

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jennandblitz · 6 years ago

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Embers

inspired by my luv @bringblackback‘s wonderful OotP!Sirius RP last night, this post and this post. Cue some abject 1996 sadness.

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Remus sighs the kind of sigh that dredges up the silt of his being and pulls right from his toes up to the well in his chest. It feels like he sighs more often than he doesn’t nowadays, only compounded by the fact 12 Grimmauld Place has a kind of depressing fog that settles over it.

He should go straight for a shower, or to a real bed, or some of Molly’s cooking, or a debrief with Dumbledore. But they aren’t even on his mind. Remus goes straight for Sirius.

It’s almost like his body knows which way to go, pulling him through the maze of hallways and parlour rooms, waiting rooms, antechambers, to find the owner of the house. Grimmauld Place is awful, but Remus stays here because it’s… because it’s home. Because there’s no place he’d rather be. It’s not the house though is it? It couldn’t be the house, not with the way Walburga’s portrait still screams if he comes too close, or there’s that pile of books in the library that might set him on literal fire.

It’s Sirius. He’s home. He’s been home for Remus since they boarded the train in September 1971, in one way or another. He’d spent fourteen years feeling homeless in more ways than one, whilst Sirius was in Azkaban, drifting aimlessly and trying to ignore the great crater in his heart that grieved for James, for Lily, for Peter, for Sirius—for home.

Remus finds him in an old room, sprawled with his legs over the arm of a large, overstuffed settee, with a bottle of pinot noir in his hand. The wine is probably older than either of them, one of Orion’s stores, from the way the label looks from here. Remus has been trying to guess Sirius’ mood depending on the price and quality of his alcohol for the past two years, maybe more if he thinks back to their last few years of school. Lately, he has no idea what Sirius is thinking.

But still, regardless, despite it all, Remus’ soul seems to breathe a sigh of relief at the sight of him. Still here, after all of this. “Hey, Padfoot… how are you?”

Sirius is raising the bottle to his lips when he sees Remus and the shock flitters across his face. Remus searches those aristocratic features for something else too but he’s not sure if he sees it. “Moony!” He swallows. “You’re alive.”

Remus nods and steps into the room, shrugging his shoulders in response.

“Me?” Sirius says, as if he’s remembering he’s been asked a question. “Oh, I’m grand.” It’s a lie, it’s a lie and Remus can do nothing about it and it makes him ache. How can Sirius be okay, in this place, in the place where all his horrors started?

Remus closes the distance between them, aching to try and do something to help but he doesn’t know what that is. There have been walls between them, Azkaban walls, Shrieking Shack walls, Grimmauld Place walls, for so long. He gingerly sits on the other side of the sofa, letting out a small sigh at the little comfort the seat gives him.

Sirius eyes him warily. Remus recognises it; Sirius’ lips pressed together like he’s holding in a burst of words. “Did you know—” he starts, gesturing to his face with the mouth of the wine bottle— “that I shaved for you?”

Remus frowns. Sirius has a beard, vaguely unkempt and straggly, but still, somehow, so damn handsome. He thinks this might be one of Sirius’ tricks, the way he manages to poke and prod at every one of Remus’ sore spots. He rubs his hand over his own stubbled cheek self-consciously and opens his mouth to question Sirius.

“I’ll admit it doesn’t look like it, because…” Sirius continues, his voice light and conversational, but Remus can see the flare of pain in his eyes. Sirius swigs the wine. “It was a week and a half ago, when you were supposed to get back from—” Sirius’ mouth tightens. Remus recognises it, perhaps he might scream or cry. It’s like he recognises all these puzzle pieces of Sirius Black, but he doesn’t understand how they fit together any more— “your mission.”

“Padfoot…” Remus inhales sharply against the shard of pain in the pit of his stomach. The mission had turned from three days to nearly two weeks and he couldn’t do anything about it, just helplessly drawn along the waves of it until it spat him back out onto the shores of Grimmauld Place. He’s not sure if Sirius is jealous Remus gets to be out and about, or if he’s upset they haven’t seen each other for two weeks. He hopes it’s the latter, but his brain insists it’s the former. “I’m sorry.”

Sirius shakes his head. “Anyway.” He looks at Remus properly for the first time, instead of just blithely over his shoulder, and the look sears. His cool, grey eyes are sharp and blurred at the same time, sharp with emotion, swimming with vintage pinot and Remus recognises the pain there but he can’t do anything about it. “Welcome home.”

Remus practically flinches at the tone of his voice and briefly closes his eyes. “I’m going to shower… find some food…” The words seem hard to eke out between them. What he wants to do is wrap his arm around Sirius’ shoulder, press his mouth into Sirius’ hair and tell him that he’s sorry for everything, that they can just have each other, and that can be home, not Grimmauld, not this hellhole.

Sirius raises an eyebrow and takes another drink of his wine. The nonchalant shrug of his shoulder says fine, do what you will. Remus nods and stands. Before he can think otherwise, he touches Sirius’ shoulder—he’s wearing that Merlin-awful shirt—and squeezes slightly. Sirius stills and watches him, but he doesn’t say anything as Remus slopes out of the room.

The plumbing in Grimmauld is enchanted to only give cold water to mudbloods or half-breeds, Remus is sure. He shivers through an awful shower, rumbling pipes and vaguely ominous splutterings from the faucet, but the water refreshes him as much as it can. He redresses in that out-of-body way one does when they do not care for themselves. Sirius drinks away his troubles, Remus internalises his until they turn into a diamond of mistrust and loathing settled in his stomach. Remus thinks if those diamonds were real he’d be rich. That’s the irony, isn’t it?

Unable to face Molly yet, the kitchen and the incessant questions and too-sweet kindness, Remus retraces his steps to find Sirius again. Perhaps he can share the rest of that bottle of wine and Remus can pretend it’s 7th Year and they are tipsy and they will kiss under the privacy of their drapes. Instead, he rounds the corner and hears voices from the room.

— “Tough to reconnect, after all these years, I imagine…” It’s Emmeline, one of the few left alive from the first Order, one who remembers how it all was before it went wrong, one who had been at the Gryffindor Quidditch parties and probably saw the way Remus and Sirius looked at each other, all raw, overflowing enthusiasm and unbridled affection.

She also knew how it went so wrong. “Or is it just like the old days?”

Sirius laughs one of his hollow laughs. “Moony can never be rid of me. Not truly.”

Remus presses himself into the doorway of another room and hates himself for listening.

“As for rekindling what we had…” Sirius is slurring a little. How many bottles of Orion’s pinot has he gotten through tonight, this week, this month? “Rekindling demands both kindling and… fire.” His voice catches strangely on the last word and Remus’ heart aches.

Fire. Oh, they had that in abundance at school, didn’t they? All fire, all heat and oxygen and fuel, all sparks and grabbing at each other in alcoves or the Prefect’s bathroom or later, in that little shitty flat they rented in Muggle London. Never talked about, never broached without wine or firewhisky, but fiery all the same. Fire to stoke them both into the whirlwind of affection and mistrust and lingering, looming betrayal that had burst like wildfire in the Spring of 1981.

“And it’s—it’s a bit rough when you’ve only got the kindling.”

Remus shuts his eyes and lets his head drop back against the door. What was that supposed to mean? How were they meant to find the spark that had been buried under twelve years of pain and hurt.

Emmeline clears her throat. “Yeah—um—oh, Remus. Hello…” He hadn’t even realised he’d been walking down the hallway until Emmeline calls him and he stops, like he’s caught after curfew.

“Hi, Emmeline. How are you?”

“Fine, yeah… well enough. I’ll—go and see Moody then, shall I?” She looks back through the doorway to where Sirius is on the sofa. “Good to see you, Sirius. Take care.”

Sirius snorts—Remus only hears it with the wolf’s hearing—and it sounds abjectly painful. Remus steps aside to let Emmeline pass, and then steps into the doorway himself. Sirius doesn’t look like he’s moved, but the bottle in his hand is full and there is an empty one at his feet.

“Moony,” He says—slurs—and gestures with the bottle.

Remus steps in the room and shuts the door behind him. He wordlessly crosses over to the sofa and sits at the other end, tilting his head to watch Sirius. Sirius’ eyes are swimming and his mouth is stained red from the wine. “No fire?”

Sirius drinks wine in lieu of an answer. Remus tracks the way his throat bobs around the swallow. In 1980 that sight would’ve set him aflame, had him sprawling across the sofa to kiss Sirius square on his wine-stained mouth and slide his hand down the planes of that lithe body.

But there are still embers there. Still something that makes Remus watch, that makes him ache with fourteen years of longing to remember what that mouth tastes like. He’s seen Sirius watching too. Sirius watching him when he’s at the kitchen table in animated conversation with Charlie Weasley or Kingsley. The way he looks away with a pinkish flush on his sharp cheeks when Remus glances up and sees him watching. Embers to be coaxed back to life, gently brought back to licking flames and roaring fires. There is potential, perhaps.

“Maybe,” Sirius says, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand.

Remus holds his hand out for the wine—Sirius passes it to him after a moment’s hesitation—and takes a long draught. “Yeah.” Remus sighs and lets his head drop back against the sofa. “We had a lot of fire, didn’t we?”

“Yeah, we did.” Sirius reaches out and prises the bottle from Remus’ hand. His fingers are cool and Remus shivers.

“Yeah? Gone now though, right…” Remus tilts his head to the side and cracks an eye open to peer at Sirius. The other man is watching him with fever-bright eyes. “Extinguished.”

Sirius doesn’t look away from their eye-contact through a hefty pull of the wine bottle. It seems like hours crawl by, just staring at each other, just watching, waiting, waiting for something. Sirius shifts and a lock of his hair slips from his shoulder and Remus’ gaze flickers to the triangle of exposed flesh at the collar of his shirt. Sirius leans forward and puts a hand on Remus’ knee.

“Embers though, maybe.” Even if Sirius’ words are slurred, his eyes shining, it doesn’t matter. His cool fingers are on Remus’ knee and he’s looking at Remus like that, like it’s 1977 and they remember what it is like to live.

Remus reaches out and laces their fingers. “Embers.”

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