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hwrryscherry · 4 years

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The one where model Y/N is attacked in Paris.

blurb: Harry and Model Y/N are in Paris for Fashion Week 2020 earlier this year. To celebrate her first time walking for Gucci, Harry decides to take her out for a dinner date when a crazy youtube prankster attacks her while leaving the restaurant and Harry get furious as standing up to defend his girl.

word count: 3.5K

warning: rude and disrespectful attitude, invasion of personal space, violence, anxiety attack quote. DON’T read it if you feel uncomfortable.

author’s note: HIII, I know this took me a while. I was working on it when I got a cold and just couldn’t think of anything to finish writing this, but I’m much better now for god’s sake. I’d like to apologize with whoever requested this for taking such a long time to post it and say a huge thank you or requesting this too! This is completely inspired by what happened to Gigi Hadid in 2016(I guess) and I remember seeing this video and thinking why someone would do that, also, Gigi said once that the guy was lucky Zayn wasn’t with her sooooo I guess I just think Harry would be so furious because even though he’s a very chill guy, his girl safety and well being is the one thing that matters the most to him.

gigi’s video for the ones who didn’t see it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjsPmjqmcvs

February 27th, 2020

Today was the first time that you ever walked for Gucci, and it was amazing, you were beyond happy because getting where you are today being a short model and only being 22 years old it's something to be proud of. It hasn't been easy all the time but you were slowly making your way to the top and that's more than enough. And you were highly grateful for Harry either, of course you walked Gucci's show because of your talent and hard working and no one doubted that, but Harry did a important role in your newest contract with Gucci because you met the team because of him and his Gucci obsession. But anyway, the fashion show was amazing, and you had Harry on the crowd cheering for you all the time and God, he was so proud! He couldn’t even handle himself. He was recording everything and even got up when you did the catwalk next to him as he kept taking multiple pictures. If you have to be real, almost 90% of those pictures looked really bad because he wasn't focusing on the phone but he also wanted to register this moment and when you'd look through them later you'd actually laugh because most of them had a very blur image.

When the fashion show ended, he had to congratulate you backstage. As you were starting to take off your outfit, you listened to your boyfriend's rough voice making you turn around to face him and see the biggest smile on his face, you could clearly see his dimples on the side of his cheek. He walked over to you instantly wrapping his strong arms around your figure hugging you so tight that you were even afraid that he would get the feat of ruining the rest of clothes you still had on.

— You were so great, I'm so pround of you! — Harry said on a low tone next to your ear before breaking the hug and looking carefully to your face. You had this crazy green eyeshadow that were halfway gone by now which caused him to chuckle — I love your eye look, it looks fabulous! — Harry said making you bend over to stare at the mirror behind you only realizing now you haven't finished taking off your makeup yet. You stand straight again giving him a mocking expression as you grabbed the makeup wipe you were using from the makeup table behind both of you.

— I know, I'm thinking about wearing this everywhere because it's just really fashion! — you ironically said taking a smirk out of him as you turned around sitting on the chair in front of the mirror so you could have a sight of how you're makeup were doing — But thank you, you know I appreciate it!

— I do! And that's why I'll congratulate you by taking you out for dinner tonight! — Harry said walking towards you resting his hands on both of your shoulders squeezing them gently as he bends over giving you a small kiss on your neck.

— Oh, like a dinner date? — You'd ask with a smirk on as you felt goosebumps on your kiss with his little kiss.

— Exactly like a dinner date! And later, we can have our own private celebration! — He'd say with a smirk on his lips as you finished taking your makeup off — What d' you think? Sounds good? — He asked you and you nodded at him and just some minutes later you both were out stage going back to your hotel in Paris. Harry called Jeff and asked him if he could make a reservation for both of you for tonight around 8 pm and he glady did, so as it was already 6 pm and as you both were probably the one couple in the world who takes the longest to get ready, you'd come back to the hotel and started getting ready already.

Jeff made an appointment for both of you to go to Le Cinq restaurant which is located near the Eiffel Tower and Arc of Triumph. You absolutely loved Paris at night, for some reason it seemed more magical and interesting to you. The weather, the lights, the fashion and the language that you learned to master well through the years warmed your heart whenever you’d go there. When you were a child, you got used to always hearing your mom tells you:’’whenever you’re in love, go to Paris’’, and for this reason Paris was one of the first places where you and Harry traveled together as couple. Harry didn’t use to travel a lot for by the way. MOst of the time, he used to travel for work, so this changed a lot since you started dating because you love to travel. You’ve always been a free spirit person, the kind of person that goes wherever the winds takes you so with the time Harry became like this too as you started taking him to do the craziest things on the craziest places around the world.

You felt the car slower it’s velocity as it got closer to the front of the restaurant, and you both could see by the window that the front was packed. As it was Paris Fashion Week, there were a lot of celebrities in the city and usually, fans settled in front of popular places around the city hoping they’d have a chance to meet their favorite celebs and even though you were already used to crowds at this point of your life, they’d still make you a little nervous, especially when it was in places not well known to you like a city you don’t live on.

— You’ll have to guide me because these shoes are really high and I don't want to step on anyone's feet — You said to Harry while putting your phone in the small black Prada bag you carried with you with your head down looking carefully to it because you’ve lost the count of how many times you thought you had put the phone inside your bag and you didn’t.

— It's alright! Hold my hand because there are a lot of people here! — Said Harry bringing his left hand up to your face to put a lock of hair of yours that fell in your face behind your ear and you nodded to him. Harry was really protective over you, and he has been that way since the beginning of your relationship. He’d always put your safety first anytime you’d go out together. When it was his about his concerts, you’d usually discuss about the fact that you want to be in the audience and he wants you to be backstage. It’d taken you a few minutes to convince him that everything was going to be fine, but it would also have days that it didn’t matter how much time you try to convince him he’d beg you to stay backstage so he could be relaxed during the performance. But you were grateful for him being that way, you were grateful that he cared so much about your well being because you know exactly how much some relationships can be destructive and you felt lucky to have someone this good in your life. Of course he wasn’t perfect, neither of you were but who is? He tried his best and that’s what matters the most.

But anyway, Harry held your hand tightly and opened the car door, immediately feeling the camera’s flashes burning your faces and listening to some fans starting to shout. Harry’s bodyguards got between both of you and the crowd guiding your way to the entrance of the restaurant and you felt the heat from the crowd instantly even though the weather in Paris was only 59°F, it’d feel lot warmer until you entered the place. And that is one special kind of a place, The decoration was perfectly splendid, gorgeous and marvelous if you must say. The touches of gold and light blue mixed with the yellow coloration of lights and the spectacular french food scent brought a cozy and elegant vibe.The restaurant was a little full, nothing out of the common and you observed the many different sizes of tables and the groups of people in it.

You both were taken to your table that was located next to the windows but wasn’t actually on the windows at it still had people outside and it feels weird to eat with people watching you. Anyway, Harry as the gentleman he is pulled the chair for you as he always did even though you had told him there’s no need for that. You both ordered glasses of your favorite white wine, neither of you were heavy drinkers but as it was a celebration it was much needed. The date happened naturally, just as all the laughing, talking and even gossips. This the casual couple gossip that you two would have, but it happened naturally. None of you ever felt like you had to pretend to be anybody else except yourself around each other.

During the night, Harry would get lost in your face admiring your features while you’re talking. He would admire the way your eyebrows move when you’d change expressions, the way your eyes would form a very tiny line when you tried to see something that was away from you, he’d admire your smile and the sound of your laugh anytime you’d remember of something funny or he’d tell you something funny and he’d think of how lucky he is to have you, because even though he knows that sometimes he can be a pain in the ass(just as you can too) , you’re very lucky to have one another and to have someone who would make you feel this great and free about who you are. Because who you are is exactly who you need to be. Of course both of you believes that changing and envolving it’s the most important thing to do and sometimes you’d be surprised to see how much you both grew from the beginning of your relationship until today and that would bring smile to your faces. He feels lucky to be able to call you his girl, and god you loved when he’d do it. You loved when he was about to present you to someone and say ‘’This is my girl Y/N’’, it’d cause you to open a big smile because it felt natural. You’re his and he’s yours, period.

When you both decided it was time to call it a night Harry paid the check against what you wanted because you wanted to pay this time. You’d honestly hate to have people paying for you, and this would usually be a point of discussion between you and Harry. You don't know why but you hate it, and it's just the gentleman in Harry wanting to spoil his girl again and again until he get tired of doing it, but he never does.

You were about to leave the restaurant when Harry slid his right hand around your waist bringing you closer to him very calmly to kiss your cheek.

— I know you want to say hi to everyone but just walk to the car, alright? — He'd lowly talk next to your ear making you look at him with a serious expression — It's for your safety, love! It's late now, and we don't know who's there. — And he was right, it was past midnight now and there were still some people out there. How can they stand there in this cold weather? But anyway, you agreed with him as you both walked your way to outside. You felt flashes again, blinding flashing lights making you look to the ground as Harry held his hand on the back of your back guiding you to the car.

As you walked towards the car, you felt a small hand touch your arm and you looked over to see a little girl with probably 12 or 13 years. She pursued tired eyes, and your heart ached with just the thought of keeping walking back to the car because you had no idea of how much time she’s been outside waiting for you so you stopped walking and bend down a little to get close to her height which made Harry stops walking immediately looking a little surprised but he understood when he saw you taking a picture with the little girl and how your face lightens up after it. You asked her what was her name and her age and she answered that her name was Lily and she was 13 she told you that she wants to be a model just like you when she grows older and that melted your heart. You smiled at her and told her that she could do whatever she wanted to and told her that when she grows up and becomes a model, you’d love to walk a show with her. When you’d stand up again you saw Harry looking at you with a small smile on his lips. He couldn’t deny he loves your kindness to every person in the world. It made his heart happy to know that he’s with someone with the same life philosophy than him. So he turned around to open the car door for you when you felt two strong arms wrap around your waist lifting you up and you froze.

— What the fu... — You'd shout before starting to hit him on his arms with your elbows as you'd move your legs trying to kick him with your heels. You'd feel flashes on your face and heat on your body increasing. It was the adrenaline and you were furious at this point. — Get...Off...Me — You'd shout as you'd hit his face with your elbows as well, Harry looked over to you and stormed out. He'd swear he'd never been like this in his life, he'd basically run to behind the guy's back and put his arm around his neck, Harry'd give him a punch right in the middle of his back and a slightly kick on the back of his knee to destabilise the guy which put you free by the moment he started to fall. Harry's bodyguard would hold you immediately trying to push you away from the crowd as you looked at Harry pushing the guy away from you.

— What the fuck were you doing? — Harry'd shout right into the man's face and watch as the man started to walk away from the crowd but Harry would go after him. Harry swears to god he couldn't even feel his body at the time. He was completely numb, moved by adrenaline and all he wanted to do was to beat the shit out of that man. — WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? — Harry'd shout walking after him getting no response which just made him angrier. At that time he didn't care about the cameras or whoever was watching him, he couldn't calm down when someone threated his girl safety and personal space. It didn't even need to be you. If he saw anyone threatening a woman's safety, he'd freak out in anger.

You felt the bodyguards strong hands trying to push you away from the situation because that's what Harry would want him to do. He tried walking you towards the car, but you were reluctantly screaming for Harry because he could get himself hurt if he didn't come back to the car now. The other bodyguard walked after Harry grabbing him by the arm and Harry turned over to look at him with so much anger on his look and you'd swear you never saw him like this but then he did started walking over to you again.

You finally entered the car and closed the door. You felt in panic. Basically paralyzed, you felt your anxiety attacking and your hands shaking. You could literally hear your heart beating so fast and loud that it scares you.

— Go get him! Follow him to hell. I don't care! Take him to the police office! — You'd listen to Harry talks firmly to his bodyguards as he opened the car's door and entered in it. He took a deep breath and turned his face to look at you. His heart broke at that moment. You were a mess. You couldn't even feel the tears leaving your eyes, but he did see them. He saw your hands shaking and how scared your eyes looked and at that moment all of his anger left his body — Love... — He'd sigh getting closer to you while wrapping his arms around your now-fragile figure. He could feel your entire body shaking on his arms. He caressed your hair with one of his hands as he hugged you tight to calm you down. He'd look to the driver and make a sign for him to start driving back to your hotel — Are ya okay? You're hurt? Did he hurt you? — He'd talk on a calm tone squeezing you a little on his arms. You'd lift your head up to look at him with red wet eyes shaking your head to him.

— I'm sorry! — You'd say lowly. He did tell you to walk straight to the car, and you didn't listen to him.

— It's not your fault, love! — He'd say wiping some of your tears and then carefully kissing both of cheeks — Don't worry about it, everything's gonna be fine, alright? It's okay!

You'd spent the rest of the ride in silence. A comfortable silence. You'd be laying your head on his shoulder while holding his head getting your breathing and heart back to normal and your phones would start buzzing with notifications of what happened but none of you would see it, not now.

When you got to your hotel, you'd get out of the car in the garage. You'd both walk slowly to the elevator and slowing to your room. You entered the room going directly to the king sized bed and throwing yourself in it because you felt like getting in a coma and just waking up to a time where all this drama would go away. Harry'd walk towards you and sit in bed beside you. He'd put both of his hands on your shoulders massaging them slowly.

— I'll prepare you a bath, so you can relax a little before sleeping, how's that sound? — He'd say trying to cheer you up a little bit.

— Sounds great, thank you love! — You'd turn your head to look at him with a forced smile on your lips. Harry'd bend down to kiss your hair line before leaving to the bathroom.

He'd try his best to make you feel the most comfortable to sleep tonight. He'd prepare you a bath. He'd give you a message, he'd brush your hair for you but actually, he loves to do that. He loves to brush your hair before you go to bed, it was more like a routine for you both. He loves to feel your long locks on his fingers and to feel the sweet scent of it. He'd cuddle you until you fall asleep too, he'd even be the big spoon tonight so you could sleep on his chest breathing his perfume because he hoped that'd make you have a good night of sleep.

And after you did, he'd look on the things on his phone. All the posts about you being attacked in Paris and him beating the guy who did it were just too much and he felt sorry that you'd have to see and read all of those stuff as soon as you unblock your phone. A lot of your friends texted him asking what happened and if you were ok. He'd answer the closest ones only, like his mom and Gemma, your mom, Bella and Jeff. He didn't know what you'll decide about the next fashion shows you had to walk, but he also knows that no one would blame you if you just chose to come back home in NYC.

Harry didn't sleep at that night at all, he couldn't stop looking for what happened and why it happened. The next day, it was everywhere in the media and later you'd found out that the guy was a youtuber and he was making a prank when he posted his stupid youtube vlog with "I pranked Harry Styles's girlfriend and he punched me" as a title. You'd sue him for sure. You don't like taking those kind of actions, but it was necessary, he had to understand that you cannot disrespect people like this, specially people you don't know.

After that you'd probably understand why Harry is so protective over you and Harry would actually get ten times more protective, if I had to be honest. But as the time passed by and quarantine came you both would leave it behind and move on with your life because in the end of the day you both will still have one another.

#harry styles and y/n #harry and y/n #hwrryscherry #HARRYxMODELY/N #harry x reader #harry styles au #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles blurb #harry styles imagines #harry styles imagine

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cara-terra-pace · 4 years

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RICH NEIGHBORS PART 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

Part 1 THE GABRIELING

-wow does Lila get absolutely C R E A M E D in this au.

-almost makes you feel bad.

-almost

-since we got Mr Felix “I don’t need friends. They disappoint me” Agreste here, you better believe this girl gets exposed faster than you can say “Watermelon Kids”.

-(I mean Felix quotes that vine all the time to his FRIENDS so it sorta doesn’t apply but whatever you get what I mean.)

-Lila lies immediately about Marinette. But she obviously doesn’t know it’s Marinette, because Marinette goes by Marie Mêler, and not Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

-it’s actually kind of funny because Noel Bulles (I’m going with Nino’s brother’s name being Chris, not Noel because I needed a name and Noel was the best one so) or Nino Lahiffe also overhears her bragging about being best friends with him, just as he had said about Marinette.

-“oh Marinette Dupain Cheng and I are besties! Us and Nino Lahiffe, we’re like this!” She grins, crossing her fingers to signify how close they are.

-Oh heck to the no!

-Marinette is now becoming angry and that’s not good, so Felix decides “hey, I’ve met Dupain Cheng and Lahiffe before, and they are almost never in the public eye. It’s basically impossible for that to be true. But if you want to continue trying to make this class your sheeple, be my guest. You’ll see what happens when you do.”

-silence

-And the entire class kind of explodes

-everyone realizes that, hmm, yeah that’s a bit suspicious.

-there was no reason for Felix to lie about that, because they know that this 17 year old that acts like some 30 something businessman literally could care less about the class liking him.

-They immediately are more cautious of Lila’s words, and when she starts talking about Jagged and his cat, that really brings it home.

-they ignore her.

-they aren’t mean to her, since that’s just not anyone’s style. Chloe went to homeschool a few years ago, and that’s the only real “bully” they had.

-but they don’t take anything she says seriously. Lila eventually realizes that the lying is not working. So she just stops talking as much, moves to the back of the classroom without prompting, and plans her next move.

-“that wasn’t too bad!” You say, forgetting that there is more.

-Watermelon kids and their reveal!

-Marie is Marinette Dupain Cheng?!

-Noel is Nino Lahiffe?!

-Lila, who hadn’t really talked in weeks except to attempt to gain some sort of sympathy, paled immediately when she was confronted with it on Monday morning.

-“this is proof that you were definitely lying. You should be glad Felix stopped me before I put that video of you on my blog.”

-Alya Cesaire everyone!

-she has a blog where just writes about different attractions and news in Paris. She figured getting such a scoop from the best friend of two never seen in public rich kids would really jump start her blog.

-Felix and Adrien stopped her, Adrien being nice and calm about it and Felix telling her it would be idiotic to post the interview without sources.

-and she listens, bc even though she’s still hopeful that Lila is telling the truth, it does sound a bit too good to be true.

-Alya is still best friends with our baby Mari.

-it’s different than in canon but they hang out at Alya’s a lot, sometimes when Mari stays at the bakery she’ll invite Alya over, and basically they are inseparable

-Alya isn’t really into romance, at least not for herself since she’s trying to kickstart a career, but when she sees the budding romances between Mari and Felix and Adrien and Nino

-Madamoiselle Matchmaker at your service.

-but enough of my girl Alya

-lets get back to the WATERMELON KIDS

-they are both so awkward after the reveal.

-people in class are all starry eyed and it’s weird because okay, they were both nice and well known in the class and throughout the school

-BUT THIS IS NEXT LEVEL

-Mari basically sticks close to her friends because when she gets overwhelmed, they help her out a ton.

-Nino tries to be chill and it’s not working.

-but the thing is, now people either try to become best friends with them for the benefits, or they insult them because they’re rich kids

-and, yeah it doesn’t really bother them.

-sticks and stones, you know?

-but then someone insulted Alya, saying she’s a suck up and she’s just hanging around the group so she can get a scoop and expose their secrets and stuff.

-and Mari and Nino actually go off.

-that is their little baby reporter friend who can definitely take care of herself and doesn’t need to play dirty to get good news and be a great reporter thank you very much

-they can handle being insulted themselves, but touch their friends and family and it’s game over.

-Alya finds it very sweet

-she does remind them that she can take care of herself, but thanks them for backing her up

-Emile Agreste

-woah where did she come from???

-there’s a movie premiere in Paris and she’s attending and Adrien is like !!!

-Felix is just kind of... standoffish when she’s in town??

-he’s just bitter that both his mother and father are distant and his dad’s assistant is more of a mother figure to him at this point.

-btw, Nathalie is so done. She sometimes cries in her office, which sounds really sad until you learn she is just leaning her head on the wall and crying as she bangs her head.

-ma’am please take a month off and take a vacation

-but she can’t because she loves the boys too much

-she’s emile’s best friend, and so when she gets kind of mad at em for being gone so much, everyone’s really surprised.

-she’s walking into the premiere with a tablet in her hands and Emile is like “wow I missed you and Gabe so much!!!”

-and Felix and Adrien are RIGHT THERE LIKE-

-and Nathalie just snaps

-“obviously not enough to actually take a break. Felix, Adrien, it’s time to go into the theatre. Your father won’t be joining us, he didn’t deem this important enough to attend in person.”

-mari and Nino are nearby and OH DO YOU NEED SOME ICE FOR THAT BURN MADAME AGRESTE

-what was I talking about?

-oh yeah, back to fashion.

-that’s Marinette right there, making new designs.

-she does special celebrity commissions and gifts herself, but they have tons of other designers and seamstresses helping with the actual mass production of lines.

-Mari’s first fashion show is a collaboration between DC and LE. They provide the runway music and have live up and comers, and Mari does the same, with smaller designers presenting their lines before Mari’s and her’s being the final and the crown jewel.

-she jump started a lot of careers that way, both in the music and fashion industries.

-the watermelon kids are on every teen magazine

-they are huge in America

-both of them traveled there to just get a better feel of American culture, fashion, and music and wow

-paparazzi

-EVERYWHERE

-Nino meets some American singers and convinces his mother that an American location would be good for the company

-Marinette does the same, insisting that it would be full of profit

-it works and the summer following the reveal, Marinette, Nino, Alya, and the Agreste Twins all go to America.

-which will be elaborated on in Part 3!

This whole thing was sort of a mess lol

I jumped around a lot but most of these were the first ideas that popped into my head and it was a lot of fun to create.

(Note: if you guys want to be tagged, just let me know and you’ll be added to the taglist!)

Taglist: @animegirlweeb

#rich neighbors au #miraculous ladybug #miraculous #ladybug #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #chat noir #chloe bourgeois #alya cesaire #carapace #nino lahiffe #watermelon kids #felix agreste #ml felinette #agreste twins

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algernoninwonderland · 4 years

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It’s been three seasons and I’m still not sure what Miraculous wants to be about

TL:DR: Every single one of Miraculous’s themes, and there are so many of them the show wants to tackle, is dealt with in the most superficial fashion, making none of them stand out. By trying to be a show about lots and lots of different things all at once without a strong focus on its meagre overarching plot, it ends up being a directionless mess.

Is it a cartoon about love? Sure, if it’s romantic, one-sided, bordering-obsession love, I guess. That’s only one flavour of love but sure, let’s roll with that… Except the directors and writers are so afraid that the audience will lose interest in it that they have characters say “look how in love they are” about our main duo all the time. Showing Marinette blushing and stuttering and Chat Noir doing his, err, thing, had gotten stale. The writers and directors have understood that problem but haven’t come up with anything new, it would seem.

It’s a show about the hardships of growing up, right? But before the New York Special, none of the characters outside of Adrien were allowed to feel down for more than a minute without being akumatised or inspirational music and uplifting music popping up instead of letting the scenes carry any emotional weight. Plus, the characters can only achieve so much growth before the episode hits its magical reset button, and it often feels like the characters change to fit the plot instead of following any kind of progression (or regression, for that matter).

A show about school life, then? This isn’t a slice of life anime, most of the secondary cast is too one-dimensional for it to work anyway, most episodes take place when our heroes aren’t in school, Marinette and Adrien’s friends have been demoted to glorified Adrienette shippers as the show went on and that’s a shame because Alya was really cool when she was something other than that and the mouthpiece for most superhero titbits. The classroom drama is too caricatural to be compelling, even for its target audience of schoolchildren.

Could it be a show about family? Parents are mostly out of the picture in most cartoons, otherwise they’d get in the way of all the adventuring. Miraculous has the occasional “that one family member comes for one episode and is never talked about ever again” episode but that family member is turned into the Monster of the Week. Confrontation, all the time. It could be dealt with in a way that could resound with the viewers emotionally, but no, have dumb sound effects, forced accents and Kung-Food, that’ll do the trick. Oh, and we get crumbs of “Adrien loves his dad who is mostly Bad but still cares about him... Or does he?”. Man, the Adrien side of the show is the one they created with the more effort, didn’t they?

Is it a show about life in Paris? I made a whole post about how Paris doesn’t work as a space in Miraculous, and yeah, sure, it’s a nice commercial for tourism, shows us a bunch of iconic buildings and monuments, but that’s just neat and doesn’t feel very intimate.

Surely it’s a show about heroism? There are snippets of that, but heroism as envisioned in Miraculous is mostly “fighting the bad guys when they manifest themselves, our heroes tried to track them down that one time but we were afraid we’d run out of plot so that ended up leading nowhere”. That’s simplistic, even for a cartoon aimed at children. Even the Instagram pages showed more of the daily lives of its heroes, the smaller, less spectacular and yet meaningful acts of heroism they did. Superman saves the cat from time to time, and it feels just as emotional as him punching the baddies if not more so.

In an interview with the Times Magazine in 2000, Matt Groening of The Simpsons fame had this to say about television, and I think this quote resonates pretty well with Miraculous:

"Television touches on an issue then dances away from it and never comes back to it. So it has the illusion of having a strong point of view, but the real point of view of television is that nothing matters, because it's going to be replaced in the next millisecond by something different, and then replaced again and again.

The thing is, Miraculous has a plot. Well, if you want to get into details, it has a shoestring for a plot in 90% of its episodes instead of a narrative thread, or rather, there is a narrative thread but it’s buried so deep within most episodes you need a degree in archaeology to be able to dig it up. Still, it could make these themes it dances around an inherent part of the narrative.

The showrunners and producers just seem to have forgotten that running a show doesn’t mean “making an episode and then another and then another still” but “ensuring that there’s a sense of direction to it all that makes the show as a whole more gratifying to watch.”

It’s an entirely directionless franchise as a whole, not just the show, but that’s on ZAG. There were these comics that may or not be canon, and now a manga for some obscure reason (money, the reason is that ZAG is after profit first and foremost and does everything it can to rake in as much money as possible before it goes bankrupt).

#ml critical #ml writers salt #ml canon salt #ml #miraculous #in which i try and stay true to my word and not just post in the ml salt tag

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fridayfirefly · 4 years

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Lost and Found [Part Ten]

Masterlist | Ao3

Marinette climbed up the ladder into her bedroom, where her friends waited. She carried in her hands a tray of snickerdoodles, chocolate chip cookies, and macaroons, leftovers from the bakery that had been made fresh that morning.

"Snickerdoodles!" Chloé cheered, snatching two cookies off the tray before Marinette had even made it the whole way up the ladder. Chloé always took two of everything, one for herself and one for her Soulmate, who had woven his way back into Chloé's good graces, despite their rocky beginnings.

Marinette finished the climb and shut the trapdoor behind her, not wanting to wake her parents. Given the time difference between Paris and Gotham, Marinette, Chloé, and Nino were trying to adjust early, staying awake until 4 AM and sleeping in until 1 in the afternoon. It was an uncomfortable change, but a necessary one if Marinette, Chloé, and Nino wanted to arrive in Gotham without crippling jetlag.

"It's a shame that you four won't get to try any cookies," Marinette said to the screen of her laptop. Adrien, Kim, Alix, and Kagami were all attending the sleepover via video chat. Kim, Alix, and Kagami were all in Japan, as they were spending the summer vacation getting to know each other. Adrien was in New York City for Fashion Week, though he would meet up with his friends again after the wedding when he came to Gotham to join them in visiting their Soulmates.

"That's okay," said Alix. "Kagami will get to try your fantastic cookies when she comes back to Paris with us."

The trio of Soulmates had decided that they would spend three weeks in Japan, then spend three weeks in Paris, allowing Kagami the opportunity to see Alix and Kim's hometown.

"I'll make something extra-special for you, Kagami," promised Marinette. Marinette couldn't wait to meet Kagami in person, though the two already became friends over video chat.

"Thank you, Marinette."

Marinette smiled brightly at her new friend, then turned to her two friends who were attending the sleepover in person. Chloé had the trapdoor open and was tossing cookies downstairs to be lost. Nino was on his phone, the sort of on his face that he reserved for Jon and Jon only. "Nino, are you going to try anything?"

Nino glanced up from his phone. "Oh, I wasn't paying attention." He grabbed a chocolate chip cookie, taking a bite as he returned to his phone.

"Too busy texting Jon to spend time with us?" Marinette teased.

Nino flushed, setting his phone down. "Sorry, we're both excited about the trip."

"You don't need to apologize. I'm excited, too." The plane to Gotham was leaving at midnight, only twenty-four hours away, and Marinette, Nino, and Chloé would all be on it. In less than two days, all teens would get to meet their Soulmates for the first time.

"What's the first thing you're going to do when you finally meet Damian?" Nino asked.

Marinette shrugged. "I don't know. Should I know? Should I be planning for our meeting, or just do whatever feels natural? What if he sees me and I'm not what he expected? What if he's disappointed? What if-"

Chloé pressed her hand over Marinette's mouth, stopping Marinette's anxious babbling in its tracks. "Stop worrying so much. You aren't meeting a stranger, you're meeting your Soulmate, who you talk to literally all the time. Just act natural."

"But-"

"Don't overthink it," Chloé advised.

Marinette nodded. Chloé always gave good advice. "You're right. I shouldn't be overthinking our first meeting. Damian and I already know each other. We're already friends."

"Friends," Chloé hands moved to finger quote the word. "You two talk constantly. How are you not dating yet?"

With a shrug, Marinette answered. "We've never really talked about it. He's never brought it up, so I assume that he's not interested. We're still pretty young, and it's not uncommon to wait until you're both older to start dating. He probably wants to date other people for a while before he goes into a serious relationship."

Over the camera, Adrien narrowed his eyes in skepticism. "But is that what you want?" asked Adrien. It was less of a question and more of a statement, as everyone already knew exactly how Marinette felt about Damian.

Marinette stared down at her hands. "No," she said quietly, "I want to have a relationship with Damian, I really do. I just don't want him to feel stifled. If he wants to date other people, then I'll accept it. I don't want him to get into a relationship with me just because he feels like he has to. I don't want him to resent me."

"Unless Damian is a fool, he will not resent you for speaking your mind," Kagami advised.

"Kagami is right," said Chloé. "You have to tell him what you want when you want it. Communication is key for relationships."

Marinette's anxiety over messing up her relationship with Damian was too great to be overcome by simple logic. While she knew that Chloé's advice was correct, she couldn't bring herself to accept it. "He's never shown any sign that he wants to date me. I don't want to spring it on him out of the blue."

"He's bringing you to his brother's wedding as his date. How is that not clear enough for you?"

"He invited me as his Soulmate, not as his date. I mean, J.T. did the same thing for you, Chloé."

"The reason J.T. invited me as his Soulmate rather than as his date is that we both agreed that we weren't going to attempt a relationship until I turn 18, next September. Our situations are radically different, Marinette."

"How about this," suggested Nino. "We'll flip a coin. If it lands heads up, you have to make the first move on Damian. If it lands heads down, you can wait for Damian to make the first move, and none of us will bother you about it until after our trip to Gotham. Does that sound fair?"

Marinette nodded, "That sounds fair."

Nino pulled a coin out of his pocket and tossed it in the air. Marinette willed her miraculous luck to help her out in that moment. The coin landed.

"Heads up." Chloé's smile was so smug it was almost painful to look at. "And I know the perfect way for you to show him how you feel."

Marinette knew better than to try and argue with Chloé. "What's your idea."

"You walk right up to him and without saying anything, just kiss him."

"No," Marinette spluttered. "I can't just walk up to him and kiss him without saying anything first."

"Fine," Chloé conceded. "You walk right up to him, tell him that you've been in love with him for years and then you kiss him. The kissing is non-negotiable."

"No fair. You aren't making Nino kiss Jon," complained Marinette.

"Chloé doesn't have to worry about Jon and I kissing," Nino piped up. "

"Alright, I'll kiss Damian. However, you have to give me a little time to do it."

"How about..." Chloé thought it over. "You have to do it before we leave the airport to go to his house."

Marinette was certain that she could have pressed for a better offer, but she knew that in the end whether she kissed Damian two minutes after they met or two hours after they met, it wasn't going to change the fact that she was kissing him at their very first meeting. "I agree to your terms."

"Shake on it." Chloé held out her hand, and Marinette shook it.

"Chloé, it's your job to catch their first kiss on video," said Adrien. "If I don't have the chance to experience the first kiss in person, I at least want to see it secondhand."

"Make sure you send all the Daminette videos to Kim, Kagami, and I, too," piped up Alix.

"I can't believe you guys," Marinette laughed. "You gave Damian and I a ship name!"

"If it makes you feel any better, we made a valiant attempt to give ship names to all three of you, but Daminette was the only one that we came to a consensus on," said Alix. "The best we could come up with for Nino and Jon was Jonino, and we're waiting to learn J.T.'s real name to ship him and Chloé."

Marinette laughed. She loved her friends. They were so supportive of her, pushing her to be her best self.

Eventually, Kim, Alix, and Kagami left the call, as they had a full day planned in Kyoto. Adrien hung up just a few minutes after them, as he had to start getting ready for bed. His Father allowed Adrien to video chat with his friends after his modeling duties were fulfilled, but if it started interfering with Adrien's sleep schedule, leading to telltale dark circles under his eyes, Adrien's laptop would surely be taken away from him.

Marinette, Chloé, and Nino went to bed a few hours later, but despite Marinette's exhaustion, she couldn't fall asleep. A thought had been bothering her for weeks - she was going to have to keep the fact that she was Ladybug a secret from Damian. Marinette loathed the idea of secrets between her and her Soulmate, but Tikki had already made it very clear to Marinette that revealing her identity wasn't a decision to be made lightly. Marinette needed to truly know Damian before she could tell him about the Miraculous.

In a way, Marinette was a little bit jealous of Chat Noir. He didn't have a Soulmate, so he didn't have to deal with the stress of keeping his secret identity a secret from them. However, Marinette knew better than to not appreciate what she had. She loved Damian, and she wouldn't give him up for anything, even if it meant she had to keep some parts of her life a secret from him for the time being.

——————————————————————

Marinette watched the ground get further and further away as the plane to Gotham took flight. Anxiety bubbled up in her, but it wasn't caused by the flight or the heights. She was nervous to meet Damian, and despite all the reassurances that her friends gave to her, Marinette couldn't seem to shake the anxiety deep within her that he would find her lacking in some way.

"I wish I could text Damian," Marinette sighed, staring longingly at her phone, which she had turned onto airplane mode as soon as she stepped onto the plane.

"Don't worry, Marinette. You'll get to speak to him in person in seven hours," Nino reassured.

Marinette nodded, but she still felt restless. As soon as the overhead light to stay in the seats turned off, Marinette was heading to the on-plane restroom to pen Damian a note. She had enough paper in her pocket for three notes, but every time she drafted one, it came out wrong. The first sounded needy, the second sounded impersonal, and the third sounded just plain pathetic. Marinette threw each of them away in the bathroom trash can, making sure she watched where they landed so that there was no chance that Damian would find them by mistake.

Marinette returned to her seat, yawning as she greeted Nino. He had his headphones on and was listening to music. Chloé was curled up in the seat across the aisle, fast asleep, her sleep mask covering her eyes. She buckled back in and got comfortable, hoping to get a few hours of sleep before the plane landed. The gentle humming of the plane engine and the quiet music coming through her headphones was enough of a distraction that Marinette began to forget about her worries. Despite her anxiety, she was exhausted enough that it took her no time at all to fall asleep.

Marinette woke as the plane was landing, Nino gently prodding her arm. "Wake up, Marinette. We're in Gotham."

Marinette blinked her tired eyes open. "Already?" She yawned out the word. Marinette hadn't intended to sleep for all seven hours of the plane ride. She wanted at least a few minutes to try and conquer her pesky anxiety, but now it seemed that she would be jumping straight into the deep end. As she looked out the window, Marinette could see the twinkling lights of downtown Gotham, just a few miles away from the airport, trying for a moment to forget that she would be meeting her Soulmate in just a few minutes.

As she pulled her carry-on bag out of the overhead compartment, Chloé turned to face Marinette. "Remember what you promised to do," Chloé reminded in a teasing manner.

Marinette nodded. "I remember."

Marinette's spiking anxiety must have shown on her face, as Chloé immediately looked guilty. "You know, you don't have to kiss Damian if you don't feel comfortable doing it. I just wanted to help you take the first step in your relationship. I don't want you to get hurt."

Marinette took one deep breath, then another. "I will do it. I have to take the first step now, or I'll waste the whole trip second-guessing myself." Everything was going to be fine. She just had to get off the plane.

They filed out of the plane and walked towards the terminal, Nino in front, then Chloé, with Marinette bringing up the rear. With only seconds to go before she was to lay eyes on Damian, Marinette tried to picture him in her find. There were some features that she instinctively knew that she would see - soft dark hair, warm green eyes, and strong arms to hold her.

As Marinette walked into the airport terminal, immediately locking eyes with Damian. He was so unbelievable perfect, Marinette couldn't help the smile that overtook her face. Five years had led to this. Exactly five years and two weeks since the moment Marinette first found that knife underneath her bed, she looked her Soulmate in the eyes for the first time. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. He looked at her like she was the most beautiful thing in the world, like she was a sprawling garden or a crystal clear ocean or the starry night sky. Damian looked at her with so much love in his eyes, Marinette felt her racing heartbeat start to calm. She walked towards him, knowing exactly what to do.

"Hello, Damian," Marinette greeted, her smile growing.

Damian smiled back. "Hello, Marinette. It's nice to finally meet you."

"It's nice to meet you, too. I know it's a little late, but I have one last birthday gift to give to you."

This was the moment of truth. Before he could ask her further question, but giving him enough time to stop the kiss if that wasn't what he wanted, Marinette leaned forward on her tiptoes, bridging the eight-inch height difference, and pressed a kiss to his lips.

It was her first kiss and it was perfect. Just like Marinette read in books and heard in songs, it was a rush of emotion that was so powerful, Marinette never wanted it to end. His lips were soft and warm, and in her eagerness, Marinette, inexperienced in kissing, accidentally scraped her teeth against them. Damian let out a sharp breath, then started kissing her back, snaking his hands behind her back to hold her, gently lifting her to bring her closer to his lips.

Marinette could've kept kissing Damian forever, but the sound of Chloé's muffled laughter brought Marinette back down to Earth. In an instant, she remembered that she and Damian were in public, in the middle of the airport, with Marinette's two best friends, Damian's best friend, and Damian's brother all watching. Marinette broke away from the kiss. "Hi," Marinette said breathlessly, gazing up at him with bright eyes.

Damian grinned like the cat that got the cream, as he teased, "Thank you for the gift."

Marinette blushed furiously, realizing exactly what she had done. "I- I thought that we should get it out of the way right at the beginning, whether or not we want to start our relationship now or wait a few years. As you can probably deduce, my vote is for starting it now."

Damian leaned down towards Marinette and pressed another kiss to her lips, less passionate than the first, but just as lovely. "I think we're in agreement. I would like you to come to Richard's wedding with me, not only as my date but also as my girlfriend."

"I would love that." Marinette placed her hand in his and squeezed. "I'm so happy to finally meet you face to face."

"It's been a long time coming," Damian agreed. "Five years."

"Five years and two weeks exactly, since the day that..." Marinette's voice trailed off, unsure of how to bring up the subject of the knife. Marinette had a vague memory of herself promising Nino, Kim, and Alix that she would confront her Soulmate about the subject when she first met him. Eventually, Marinette decided to rip off the bandaid in one go and just confront it head-on. "Since the day that I found the knife."

"I will explain that, but not tonight. It's a long story, and we have to get back to the house. I promise I will explain everything tomorrow."

Marinette nodded. "I've waited five years and two weeks, I can wait a few more hours."

"Damian!" The man standing next to Chloé called out. "Are you going to introduce your girlfriend to us, or are you going to keep kissing her. I'm getting a little tired of waiting. None of us are getting any younger here."

Chloé elbowed him in the side. "Ignore Jason, he's being an asshole on purpose."

Damian, however, didn't seem at all bothered by Jason's words. He gently brought one arm around her shoulders. "Todd, Jon, this is my girlfriend, Marinette."

Marinette smiled at Jason and Jon. "It's nice to finally meet you."

"It's nice to meet you too, Marinette. I have just one question though. Do you know Chloé?"

"It's kind of a long story. Could we explain in the car?" Marinette asked.

Jason shrugged. "I won't be driving home with you, so how about you explain it over breakfast tomorrow?"

"What do you mean you won't be driving home with them?" asked Chloé, narrowing her eyes accusatorially.

"I have to stop at my apartment and pick up some things before I come back to stay at the Manor. Don't worry, I'm not ditching you just yet."

Chloé rolled her eyes, but Marinette could tell that she had been genuinely worried. Having a mother like Audrey Bourgeoise would give anyone abandonment issues.

They all got their luggage, then walked from the airport terminal to the car, parked in the parking lot outside. Marinette and Damian held hands the whole way there, Marinette pressing her body into his side as they walked. After five years of separation, Marinette was desperate for some physical intimacy.

Damian got into the driver's seat of the car, but not before opening up the passenger door for Marinette. "Thank you," Marinette said, giving him her brightest smile.

The drive home was quiet, as everyone was too tired for any in-depth conversation. Nino was sleeping on Jon's shoulder in the back seats, while Chloé was typing rapid-speed on her phone, likely telling Adrien and the rest of the group chat about Marinette and Damian's first kiss.

Marinette stared wide-eyed out the window, trying to take everything in as they drove through the brightly-lit streets of downtown Gotham. Skyscrapers loomed overhead, the distinctive gothic architecture. Even at two AM, the streets of Gotham were bright and busy. Massive screens illuminated the streets with advertisements. People bustled around underneath, as if unaware that two AM was supposed to be the dead of night. The city had so much energy, it was hard to believe that it was the crime capital of the world. Marinette had expected dark, foreboding alleyways and sketchy characters lurking on every street corner.

"Gotham doesn't seem as bad as I anticipated," Marinette commented.

"It's not so bad in the heart of the city. The worst crime you'll experience in downtown Gotham is pickpockets and purse stealers. Once you get into the less wealthy parts of Gotham, that's where the worst of the crime takes place," Damian answered.

Marinette let out a hum of acknowledgment, which quickly turned into a yawn. Though it would be seven AM in Paris, she had adjusted her sleeping schedule to the point that her body knew that it was the middle of the night. "How soon until we get to your house?"

"We'll arrive at Wayne Manor in approximately half an hour."

A realization shocked Marinette out of her tired state. "Wayne Manor? As in Bruce Wayne!?"

Damian winced. "Bruce Wayne is my father."

"Your father is the billionaire owner of Wayne Industries." Marinette could barely believe it. She knew that Damian came from a fairly wealthy family, as he often got her expensive gifts and the car he was driving (though Marinette didn't know cars very well) appeared to be from a luxury brand, but Marinette never expected that Damian was the son of a billionaire.

"Yes." Damian glanced at Marinette. "I know I should have told you earlier, but I wasn't sure how to break the news. Are you upset?"

Marinette shook her head. "I'm not upset, just overwhelmed. What if..." Marinette's voice trailed off. "Do you think that your family will like me?"

"Of course they'll like you. Timothy already believes that you must be a saint, the way you're able to put up with me."

Marinette smiled, reassured by his words. "How fancy is the wedding going to be? I designed a dress myself for the occasion, but I'm not sure if it'll be nice enough for such an expensive wedding."

Damian shook his head. "The wedding will be a small ceremony, in the Wayne Manor gardens, with the reception directly preceding it in the Manor ballroom."

"I'll have to show you my dress tomorrow," decided Marinette.

"If you designed it yourself, I'm sure it will be perfect."

The car started leaving the downtown of the city, traveling down the highway for a while before pulling off onto a dark lane that wound its way through a forest. They drove for almost ten minutes, past houses that got progressively larger and progressively farther apart until Damian pulled up to a gated driveway. He pressed a button on the dashboard and the gates opened up. Marinette couldn't help but be impressed by the show of wealth. As the car made its way up the long driveway, Marinette waited for the house to come into view. She knew that it would be large - it was called Wayne Manor, after all - but the knowledge didn't prepare her for the massive mansion that sat on the top of the hill. Though it was difficult to see through the dark, Marinette could tell that it was beautiful. Wayne Manor was a stunning example of gothic architecture, more like something out of a nineteenth-century romance novel than an actual house that people lived in.

"Wow," Marinette breathed out the word, stunned.

Damian got out of the car and opened up Marinette's door for her. "Welcome to Wayne Manor."

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#maribat #miraculous ladybug #daminette #Marinette Dupain-Cheng #Damian Wayne #lost and found #maridami #marinette x damian #miraculous ladybug fic #my work #fanfic

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fanficflaneuse · 4 years

Text

One Day - Part 9

A/N: Hello, magical tumblr friends! We’ve reached part 9! I can’t believe it. Thanks for sticking with me through this wild ride. Thing are getting really good here. Today I realized I have like 70 of them. Can you believe it? I never expected to have followers lol. Thank you all.

For this chapter, all I want to say is that I don’t hate Astoria. I really don’t. Thank you for your turkish telenovela plot twist ideas lol, I’m definitely going to write something in that fashion sooner or later.

Also, the novel I’m referring to (both in with the quote and the comments) is called “Normal People” by Sally Rooney. If you haven’t read it, I very enthusiastically recommend it. I couldn’t put it down. And now I can’t stop thinking about reader and Draco’s relationship to be a bit like theirs (better written and without a lot of the tragic subtext, of course).

Anyway, let’s do this!

Draco x reader (she/her pronouns) Word count: 1874 Summary: One day AU. Post-war. Since The Battle of Hogwarts, Draco and y/n meet one day a year.

Masterlist

Enjoy!

3 May, 2007

“You really don’t want to sleep, do you?” Draco cooed at his son.

“Da-da,” the eight-month-old baby babbled as he made grabby hands at his father. The blond man melted and took his toddler out of the crib, cradling him in his arms.

“What am I going to do with you, Scorp?” he asked as he nuzzled his nose. The boy giggled in response.

Draco tried to be the most loving father. Whenever he wasn’t at the hospital, he was pampering his son, playing with him and making him feel loved. Draco lived for Scorpius’ cute little chortles and he vowed to do everything in his power to keep his son laughing without a care in the world.

The day Draco held Scorpius for the first time, he was invaded by a bliss he had never experienced before. Draco realized that he had finally done something good. He had helped create a little person, a pure and wonderful little person. He, Draco thought, was his second chance in life. Even if the nightmares and the guilt still haunted him, Scorpius’ tiny self reassured him. And so, the boy became his everything.

This week, though, Draco had to admit he was exhausted. Astoria had moved to the Greengrass estate for a few days to take care of her sick mother.

“Nothing too scandalous,” she had explained when he asked about the symptoms, “but she still needs her daughters’ care”.

If Draco had noticed something suspicious in the defensive tone she adopted, he said nothing of it. Astoria’s family emergency left him alone to take care for their toddler. Since she hated every minute of living under the same roof as Narcissa and Lucius, they had moved to a flat in muggle London. His parents hadn’t yet forgiven him for that. Throughout the week, it was Molly Weasley who had come to his aid. Much to her delight, she took care of Scorpius – as well as her grandchildren – while he worked. As he did his rounds, though, his son was in the back of his mind. Scorpius had never been without at least one of his parents before and Draco hated the idea of him thinking he had been abandoned. He’d floo back and forth from the hospital to the Burrow only to find a very smiling Scorpius crawling around with Albus and Rosie.

Thankful as he was for Molly’s help, the whole ordeal drained him. He was working double shifts and then going to their empty apartment to feed his son and play with him before he could even think about hitting the sack.

Regardless of this, every time Astoria owled him he insisted it was fine. Ever since he found out Astoria was pregnant, Draco made an extra effort with their relationship. Even before Scorpius, they had turned cold and awkward with each other, but Draco loved and cared for Astoria and by Merlin did he try. He was gentle and kind, he took her out for dates, asked with genuine curiosity about her day, bought her gifts and was as accommodating as he could possibly be. She had an agitated social life, with weekend getaways with her friends and constant dinner dates with her sister, but even if at times it meant sacrificing his own social life, he wouldn’t complain. Draco could even say they were happy.

At times like these, however, he couldn’t help the intrusive thought of what all of it would all look like with (Y/N) by his side. He’d supress those ideas immediately, thinking about how Astoria was the best mother Scorpius could ever have. Yet, an overwhelming sense of how incredibly plastic and sterile his relationship with Astoria was would still linger for a while, filling him with dread. He’d then try to push it back and shower their son with as much love as he could possible give him.

Tired as he was, Draco realized it was very late. Scorpius was still giggling in his arms. As he sat in the library, Draco grabbed (Y/N)’s latest book in one hand and held his son cautiously with both arms.

“I’m going to read this novel to you, young man,” he said, “And you’ll understand none of it. But hopefully I can enjoy it for a while and you’ll fall asleep. Deal?”

Scorpius’s glimmering eyes lit the world for Draco. He kissed his son’s forehead before starting to read out loud:

“Sometimes she felt like saying: Would you miss me, if you didn’t have me anymore?” Draco gulped before continuing, “She had asked him that once on the ghost estate, when they were just kids. He had said yes then, but she’d been the only thing in his life at that time, the only thing he had to himself, and it would never be that way again”

As he carried on, he couldn’t help but think that this novel was written just for him to read. It was, after all, about two friends whose relationship status changes throughout the years. He felt his heart heavy, wondering if (Y/N) ever thought about him not caring for her. Because he did. He cared for her very much. And he missed her. She had been living in Paris for the last four months and she’d come every now and then, but he still missed her. At times, he felt like he always missed her, even if they were in the same room.

“I did choose your godmother well, didn’t I Scorp? You’ll be nothing if not a well-educated, perhaps even a bit snobbish, lad,” he teased.

Much to his satisfaction, Draco noticed how his son was now peacefully sleeping in his arms. He walked to the nursery and put him on the crib, leaving the door ajar just in case. As he was about to crawl into bed, Draco heard a crash on the living room. He grabbed his wand and hurried out, determined to protect his son.

“Leave now, please,” he heard a hushed, almost panicky, voice say.

As he reached the living room, Draco faced something he never thought he would. A wide-eyed Astoria stood in the middle of the room. She was giving her back to him and, instead, faced none other than Theo Nott, Draco’s old classmate. He had a determined glint in his eyes.

As Astoria turned around to face him, Draco noticed a sense of complicity between the two of them. He gulped, realizing what was going on. The blond man blinked tears back as he noticed his wife sported a series of love bites he had certainly not printed on her skin. They were both dishevelled, lips a bit swollen. Draco also realized Astoria was wearing a man’s sweater.

“Draco, it’s not what –“

“We’ve been seeing each other for a while, mate. I love Tori. We’re happy together and I am tired of hiding,” Theo’s deep voice interrupted her.

“Draco,” Astoria said, her voice sounded muffled, as though they were underwater, “Draco, listen to me.”

Draco stared at his wife as though she was a total stranger. The shock made him experience everything in slow motion, to the point in which he only realized he was actually crying when Astoria tried to wipe the tears. Draco pushed her away very softly, barely even touching her, and just turned on his heels. He stumbled towards his room, scantily registering what was going on around him.

For a second there he thought he was dreaming. He closed the door and put up a charm. Draco collapsed on the bed and finally heard himself sob. His heart felt genuinely broken. He heard the knocks on the door. Draco picked on Astoria’s conversation with Theo, maybe they were even fighting, he couldn’t tell. He didn’t care either.

As many times before, Draco felt empty, small and pathetic. And, as many times before, his thoughts went to (Y/N), wishing she was there to console him.

…

On the other side of the English Channel, possessed by coffee induced jitters, (Y/N) sat wide awake in her library. It was late and she was very tired, but she couldn’t bring herself to sleep. She decided to read Hermione’s letter, which she had postponed for a couple of days already.

Dearest (Y/N/N),

Four months gone and I still cannot believe you’re living in Paris. What a dream! I am really happy for you, dear. We have all agreed that a change of ambience could benefit you greatly, even if it means we won’t be able to enjoy your presence as much. Don’t make our great sacrifice of depriving us of your company be in vain. Remember you’re in the city of love, so you better not be glooming on your desk all day.

All jokes aside, please take care of yourself, (Y/N/N). I would be lying if I didn’t say I’m worried. Molly is worried. Even Ron – at times so daft and oblivious – is worried. Sleep well. Eat at regular times. Don’t overthink…too much. This whole poète maudit behaviour might be very fancy and bohemian, but it is, without a doubt, unhealthy. And we all want you – no, we need you – healthy and happy.

Lovely, I devoured your latest novel. It is an absolute hit. It feels so…so real, so visceral and heart-breaking. I cried thinking about how much of it is inspired by your real-life experiences. I have never met someone who experiences life the way you do, someone who has this way of conciliating the world through words. My heart goes to you, (Y/N), along with my admiration. I hope distance can mend your heart, so you can finally write some lighter poetry, like you did when we were children.

I am very busy with work, looking forward for a promotion over the next couple of weeks. With Ron we have also been talking about the possibility of having more children. As an only child, I would love my Rosie to grow up with someone by her side, although I must say she’s practically attached at the hip with Albus and Scorpius. However, I still cannot decide, you know? I feel like my ever-growing responsibilities at the ministry might get in the way of me giving my child – and potential other children – the attention they deserve. I do not think I could adapt as easily as Ginny did. She is doing great at her new post, by the way. But I do not see myself anywhere else. I know maternity is far removed from your reality right now, but I would love to know what you think about this. I already know Ginny’s perspective. I also talked about it with Molly and my own mom. I have read a couple of books as well.

Anyway, I will not bother you anymore. Please write back whenever you see fit. Do not isolate, (Y/N). We are all here for you. We miss you. We cannot wait for you to come. As soon as we have vacations, we will visit you as well. I am hoping for the day in which we can finally stroll together through all of those bookshops in Paris – muggle and magic.

Love,

‘Mione.

tags: @fandomscombine @okaydraco @naomi02hook @iliketoast23 @hopplessdreamer @winnsmills @oldfashionedlovergirlsblog @animelover09556 @happycomb @xtrashmouthxtozierx

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agrestebug · 4 years

Text

Marichat May 2020

Hey everyone! On with the show with another one-shot! Cross-posted on Fanfiction, and please, don’t repost on another site without permission! I hope you enjoy!

Day 17 - Paparazzi

"ADRIEEEEEEEEN!"

He groaned, hearing his name being screamed from multiple sources behind him as he ran from the crowd of people trying to catch him.

It was like the 'Adrien the Fragrance' ad all over again. He knew doing that twenty page spread for the Gabriel magazine was going to come back to bite him, and here was the result, fans chasing him throughout all of Paris.

He turned a corner and was startled by multiple brilliant flashes of light, taking a few steps back as he shielded his eyes.

Damn it. - He thought. Paparazzi.

"Adrien!" "Adrien!" "Did you mean what you said in the interview with the spread released last week?"

"Is there really only one girl who has ever caught your eye?"

"Who is she?"

"How long have you known her?"

"What's her name?!"

"Will we be seeing the two of you out together anytime soon?"

"No comment." He answered automatically, backing up away from the paparazzi while trying to avoid backing up into the crowd of girls that had been following him.

"Is that where you are going now? To go see her?" Another of the paparazzi asked.

"No comment!" He said a little firmer, hating how they never took the hint. He was starting to really regret his decision to stay quiet. When his father told him about the spread, he should have never agreed so easily.

He felt something grab his middle and he was suddenly lifted off of his feet straight into the air. His arms instinctually wrapped around the nearest thing, which happened to be a red and black spotted suit.

"L-Ladybug?!" He said bewildered as they dropped onto a rooftop and out of view from both the hoard of fangirls, and the paparazzi.

Ladybug gave him a small smile, "I'm sorry about tackling you like that. I know I shouldn't have interfered but,"

"NO!" He said too loudly in his relief, hugging her tightly without realizing what he was doing, "Thank you. Thank you so much for pulling me out of there."

She hugged him back, glad that she had managed to find him when she did, "You're welcome. I'm sorry you're going through this. It must be tough."

He dropped his arms suddenly and took a step back, blushing profusely as he put a hand to the back of his neck, "It's not the first time something like this has happened. I think the interview really did me in. Fans are one thing, hounding paparazzi are another."

Ladybug frowned, "No, I get that. Believe me, I get it."

They shared knowing smiles before Ladybug asked, "Would you care for a lift home?"

"No, I don't want to trouble you Ladybug. You already saved me from that mob." He told her, embarrassed that she had to save him in the first place. "If you could just, let me down off the roof, preferably somewhere no one will notice, I can make my own way back."

She smirked, "It's no trouble, and I'd hate to have you get chased all over the city all over again." She looked up in thought before asking curiously, "Isn't there somewhere nearby you could maybe go to hide out for a bit? Maybe with a friend or something?"

He glanced around, "Honestly, I don't even know where I am. I've been taking random turns just trying to lose everyone." He peered carefully over the edge of the roof and saw that he was just a few blocks away from the Dupain-Cheng bakery. Marinette. She'd let him hide out at her place for sure, and maybe he'd be able to sneak a few treats in while he was there.

"Actually, I think I have the perfect place and it's not too far from here." He told her happily.

She nodded, but couldn't hide her concern, "And you are sure you can make it on your own?"

He nodded instantly, "Without a doubt. You've already done more than enough by going out of your way to help me." He asked a little curious, "Did I miss an akuma attack or something? I don't think anyone's ever really seen you out unless there was one."

Her cheeks just under her mask turned pink, "O-oh, uh, I wasn't doing anything spectacular or anything, and there wasn't an akuma." She chewed her lower lip, admitting it sounding embarrassed, "I was actually walking home when I saw the paparazzi catch you at the corner. Then the fan-mob came up behind you, and you really looked like you wished you were anywhere but there so,"

He felt his heart flutter happily, "You transformed, just to save me?"

She nodded sheepishly and he hugged her again, simply because he couldn't help himself, "Thank you. I know that could have been risky for you."

"No one was paying attention to me. All eyes were on you." She said it a little softer, "It helps that my civilian self is easily looked over anyways."

"I seriously doubt that." He told her instantly, staring into her eyes. "Your civilian self is probably just as amazing as the way you are now. You may wear a mask, but you are still you. The only difference is a few spots." He touched her mask carefully, and she took a small step back, her voice shaking as she told him, "Y-You're very sweet Adrien, but trust me, you'd never notice me as my civilian self. That I can promise you."

"I've been told I have pretty good eyesight." He teased, smiling brightly when she let out a small laugh that rang through his entire being.

"Let me get you out of here mister twenty-page spread." She teased back, putting her arm around his waist. He hoped she couldn't feel his heart thundering against his ribcage as she lowered them slowly into the nearby alley. She really looked reluctant to leave but he told her with a smile, "I'll be okay, honest. Thank you again Ladybug."

She nodded, "Be safe Adrien. I hope this all dies down soon, for your sake."

She yo-yoed away and he sighed, telling her softly after she disappeared, "You always find a way to make me fall in love with you more, don't you M'lady?"

Plagg floated out from the pocket of his shirt, shaking his head, "You want to get caught by that mob don't you?"

Adrien shivered, "Not a chance. Plagg, Claws Out." He felt the transformation take hold and pulled his baton, vaulting back up to the rooftops. He headed straight towards the bakery, clearing the distance in a few short minutes and glad that he had taken the route with a view. At three of the four corners he would have had to take if he'd gone on foot, there were MORE paparazzi and fans hanging out looking for him.

He dropped onto Marinette's balcony with a relieved sigh, hearing a squeak of surprise coming from below before her head popped up out of the skylight, "C-Chat Noir? What are you doing here?"

He instantly fell to his knees and begged her, "Please purrincess, please let me hang out here for a little while."

She eyed him concerned, "Why? What's going on? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, and I can't explain but I really just need some place to hide out for a little while. Please?" He asked hopefully, giving her the biggest pleading eyes he could.

She didn't look remotely phased, "Why don't you just go home?"

He fidgeted nervously, "Uh, I can't, explain that either, not without revealing my identity."

She started to frown at that, and he told her softly, "You are the only person I can trust. Please Marinette?"

Her frown softened until it turned into a smile, "Fine, come on you pouty kitty."

He smiled brightly and followed her down into her room. He instantly spread out on her floor, stretching out before letting his arms stay splayed out at his sides, "You are a lifesaver purrincess."

She rolled her eyes, watching the tension leave his shoulders. "You owe me one Kitty, and I intend to collect."

He told her quickly, "Whatever the purrincess desires, it is yours!"

She held back her laugh and sat in her desk chair, asking curious, "Really Chat, are you sure you are okay?"

He let out a heavy sigh, staring at her ceiling, "It's just, been a long day." He corrected himself, "It's been a long week actually."

"Guess it's going around." Marinette muttered to herself, but with his sensitive hearing he'd heard her clearly. He sat up and perched on all fours on the floor, tilting his head slightly as he asked curiously, "What do you mean? You've had a long week too?"

"Something like that." She admitted, flipping the page of whatever book she was looking through. He stood and walked over to her, flinching at the sight of the fashion magazine that was causing all this hell. He tried to play off his hatred of the dreadful magazine by asking lightly with a smile planted on his face, "Hey, that's the Gabriel Magazine right? The one with the designer's sons spread?"

Marinette nodded a bit sadly, "Yeah, this is the one that's causing him all kinds of grief."

He asked as though he didn't know exactly what she meant, "Grief? Is the spread no good?"

"The spread is fine. Adrien looks handsome as always," a slight frown crept onto her face as she stared at one of the pictures, "I prefer his real smile, but that's just me."

He peered over her shoulder, honestly confused this time as he commented, "He's smiling in the picture though."

She looked up at him with a shy smile, "Yes, but that," she pointed to the picture on the page, "is his 'model' smile."

"Why does it sound like you have quotes around the word model?" He said with a raised eyebrow.

She giggled slightly, "I guess it did come out that way huh? This smile is the one he shows everyone. It's automatic and to anyone who doesn't know him, they believe it when they see it."

He stared at the seriousness of her face as he said it, knowing it was true, "But you don't."

She shook her head, "No, I don't." She looked back down at the magazine, "I don't know how to explain it, but I can just, tell. His real smile is so much brighter than this one. His eyes shine and he looks so genuinely happy." She said it heavily, "I wish I had a way to make sure he could smile like that all the time."

Chat felt his heart warm and he smiled, "He means a lot to you, doesn't he?"

It left her before she could stop it, "More than a lot, I love him."

He felt his knee's shake, "You, love him?"

She told him quickly, "I know, it's ridiculous right? You probably think it's just some silly crush from a crazy fangirl."

"No!" He said too quickly in his nervousness, seeing her look surprised before he explained, "I, I'd like to think I know you well enough to know that you mean it, when you say you're in l-love with him."

She smiled sadly, "Thanks Kitty, but you don't have to try and make me feel better." She stared down at the magazine longingly, "Someone like Adrien, he'd never notice me as anything more than a friend." She swiveled in her chair, making sure she could still see Chat Noir and the magazine lying on her desk.

"I'm glad to be his friend, I really am," she laid her head on one of her arms without turning her back to Chat, "I just wish he wouldn't look me over so easily, so that he could see how much he really means to me."

She reached out and fidgeted with the framed picture on her desk of her and Alya, with him and Nino standing on either side of them, tipping it back and forth lightly with a finger.

He tried to pull himself together, her words echoing inside him. Marinette, loved him. But she, she had always denied that she felt something more for him. He had always felt amazingly lucky that he could even call her his friend, and she actually, cared about him so much more than that.

"When did you, fall in love with him?" He asked, trying not to let his nerves show.

She kept fiddling with the picture frame, sighing heavily, "It wasn't one moment really. He surprises me with his kindness, and in the same second can surprise me with his fierceness when it comes to protecting his friends. I get all tongue-tied and can barely stay on my feet when I see him, and he's so sweet. He doesn't ever mention how awkward I am around him. He probably thinks I'm a lunatic."

"I'm sure he doesn't." He told her kindly, her words touching his heart. Usually the first thing people talked about were his looks, and then all the 'great' talents he'd been forced to learn. She didn't mention either, and he had a feeling she wasn't going to bring them up. It sent his heart into a pounding flurry, beating against his chest. How could this incredible girl have so much love in her heart for him? How could he have never realized her feelings when they were as clear as a crystal sky now? He must have really been blind.

"And he's brave," she said with a small smile as she stared at the picture, "he pushed me out of the way of an akuma more than once, when he could have gotten hurt himself. Sometimes when he looks at me, I feel like maybe he sees me, just a little bit. My heart flutters like a hummingbird, and I start to feel all warm inside." She sat up and looked over to the corner of her room where a black umbrella sat leaning up against the wall.

"I guess, it really all started with that." She pointed to the umbrella and Chat looked at it in surprise, recognizing it instantly. "After I treated him so terribly when we first met, he offered me his umbrella even though he'd be without one. He had this look in his eyes, this, something, that just drew me to him instantly. He wasn't anything like what I expected or originally thought, and now that I've had the chance to really get to know him, I know that he's so much more than the face that everyone sees."

She frowned slightly, glancing towards her window, "I hope he's doing okay. All week his bodyguard has been practically escorting him into school because of how bad the paparazzi have gotten. He doesn't deserve to be treated that way. I hate that everyone forgets that he's not just a model or a face on a magazine, he's a person who just wants to be able to hang out with his friends without causing a riot."

"Well, you probably aren't wrong." He managed to get out normally, his eyes glued to the beautiful girl who saw past the glamor and name to who he was underneath. She was probably the only girl in all of Paris who really did.

"He's lucky." He said simply, drawing her attention instantly, "That someone as beautiful inside as she is outside, cares about someone like him at all."

She smiled at him, "He needs people to care about him, not just fawn over him or want to be his friend because he's famous." She let out a soft sigh, "Maybe one day he'll start to see me the way I see him, but even if he never notices me, my feelings will never change. That I can promise you."

'Y-You're very sweet Adrien, but trust me, you'd never notice me as my civilian self. That I can promise you.'

"Ladybug." He whispered, feeling like everything in the world was falling into place.

"Ladybug?" Marinette repeated confused.

He stared into her eyes, the same beautiful bluebell eyes that had captured his heart without her even knowing it. He had to correct her, just like he had before.

"You're wrong you know." He said, wanting nothing more than to close the gap between them.

"Kitty I have no idea what you are talking about." She deadpanned seriously.

He grinned. He wasn't going to keep it from her that he knew, and at the same time, he was going to make sure she knew the truth too. "You're not someone who is easily overlooked. You are beautiful and kind, and caring." He motioned to her wall of designs, "You are crazy talented," he smiled softly, "and you are amazing exactly the way you are now."

He reached up and cupped her cheek, his fingertips resting along the space where her mask would be, not knowing when his feet had carried him over to her. Her eyes widened as she instinctively moved back, her voice shaking, "Y-You're very sweet Kitty but..." she stopped, her voice catching as a lump formed. This... this was just like the conversation she had just had with...

He saw the realization fill her eyes, and told her again, "You may wear a mask, but you are still you. The only difference is a few spots."

It came out as nothing more than a whisper, "Adrien."

He held her face in his hands, making sure she understood, "I told you I had pretty good eyesight."

Her shock turned to pure joy, her eyes tearing up as she said it excitedly, "ADRIEN!" She threw her arms around his neck and he held her instantly, reveling in the way they fit perfectly against each other.

"That went better than I thought." He happily mused out loud.

She pulled back and her face turned white right in front of him, "Oh my god. OH MY GOD! I JUST TOLD ADRIEN HOW I FELT!"

He stood unmoving, watching as she started pacing around her room, rambling so quickly about... the end of the world? She pulled on her pigtails, groaning before adding it nearly in tears, "Oh my god my life is over."

He chuckled softly, watching as she crouched into herself. He went over and crouched in front of her, "I don't think this is going to cause the end of the world, and your life is nowhere near over purrincess."

She shot him a glare at the pun, but he merely grinned, "What? It's true. I think this was a miraculous way to find each other, don't you?"

He told her a little softer, feeling his cheeks warm, "And, I love you too, with or without your spots."

She blushed nearly scarlet, asking with a small frown, "But, you never,"

"Fought with myself, about the most courageous, most daring, girl I've ever met and the beautifully kind, most amazing friend I've ever had?" He told her the truth, "More than once, and for a lot longer than you'd probably believe."

"Try me." She said instantly.

"Adrien the Fragrance." He said sheepishly, watching her eyes widen in shock. "You helped me then too. For hours we ran around Paris, and the whole time I kept thinking, this girl is amazing. I can't believe she's doing this for me. I'm literally dragging her into the chaos and she's not the least bit affected." He started to smirk, "And in her pajamas no less!"

Her face burned and she pushed him hard on the shoulder, watching with immense satisfaction as he fell straight on his behind, "Serves you right for teasing!"

He smiled at her lovingly, acting as though nothing had happened, "That was the first time I realized that being around you made me feel different than I did with anyone else. I was, incredibly happy, despite everything that was going on, and ever since then, I noticed it happening more and more. As long as you were around, nothing could ruin my day."

He moved to his knees leaning towards her so he could rest his forehead against hers, "You've always been the direction my compass has pointed me to, if... if I'm not too late."

He felt her soft lips press against his with a passion that sparked every nerve ending to life. His hands found her waist and she moved closer, practically sitting in his lap as she kissed him senseless.

Her hands moved through his hair, causing a deep rumble through his chest as he felt his way up her back. She arched into him, rising up slightly so that she was in control of the kiss, and he wasn't complaining. The tips of his claws cut into the ties holding her hair, and some small part of his brain that was still registering information warned him to be careful or he'd end up hurting her by accident. That was the last thing he wanted.

He whispered it quickly against her lips, "Plagg claws in." His transformation dropped but his lips were back on hers before it fell completely. He put his now clawless hand to the back of her neck, feeling her loose tresses skim like silk across the back of his hand. She hummed appreciatively, adding fuel to the wild fire already raging inside him.

Tikki had her hand over Plagg's mouth, practically holding him in a headlock to keep him quiet as he squirmed to get away from her. The second he was free of the ring, she had pounced. She knew he'd ruin this moment for her and she would NOT let him ruin what she had been waiting over a year for!

She shushed him again as he mumbled unintelligibly, probably something along the lines about gross emotions and needing camembert. She was overjoyed watching their chosen get lost in each other, oblivious to the world around them.

...Bonus...

Neither of them are sure of when they moved to the chaise from the floor, but it sure was more comfortable.

"IT'S COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE!" Plagg yelled at Adrien, who merely rolled his eyes and tightened his hold on his new girlfriend lying in his arms, both of them trying to catch their breath. Marinette giggled, making his smile turn loving as he looked at where she had her head resting on his chest. The second their eyes made contact, she gave him another small kiss that made his heart flutter all over again.

"TWO HOURS! YOU'VE BEEN KISSING FOR TWO HOURS!" Plagg whined angrily before they could start again, "WHAT ABOUT MY CHEESE!?"

#miraculoustalesofladybugandcatnoir #marichat #fluffyfluff #itsagrestebug #i will always love them

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antimatterpod · 4 years

Text

Transcript - 70. Clinton-Era Star Trek

Liz: And why are we passing up an opportunity to criticize Rick Berman? We love that shit!

Anika: Let's always criticize Rick. Definitely everything wrong is Rick Berman.

You can listen to the original episode here.

Anika: Welcome to Antimatter Pod, a Star Trek podcast where we discuss fashion, feminism, subtext and subspace, hosted by Anika and Liz, and Cali the cat. This week we're discussing the pilot episode of Star Trek Voyager, "Caretaker".

Liz: So it's the 35th anniversary or something. No, that cannot possibly be it. 25th?

Anika: 30th. 30, isn't it?

Liz: No, I was thirteen when I first saw it, and I'm thirty-eight going on thirty-nine. So it's got to be the 20th. Right? No, 25th...

Anika: No, it's definitely not -- um, it could be 25th. Because the 20th, I did a panel for the 20th. And that was probably five or six years ago?

Liz: I feel like 1996 plus 25 might be 2021?

Anika: I don't know! Math!

Liz: Welcome to Antimatter Pod, the podcast where we don't do maths.

It's the 25th anniversary of "Caretaker", and I'm really really curious to know, when was the first time you watched it?

Anika: I don't remember! I remember watching "Emissary". I did not see "Encounter at Farpoint" first, I saw it, years after having seen Next Generation.

Liz: Which is really the way to do it.

Anika: Yes. And Enterprise, also, I have no actual memory of watching the pilot, but I probably did. I probably watched Voyager and Enterprise live, but I don't actually have a good handle on it. If it was 1995, I was -- yeah, I didn't have a Star Trek group at that point. I was in college, you know, so I was, like, making new friends.

Liz: You weren't ready to unleash the full force of your geekiness?

Anika: Yup. I mean, I was a ridiculous person, you know, there's no way that I wouldn't have been known as a geek by pretty much everyone.

Liz: I actually have very vivid memories of the first time I watched "Caretaker", because I received it on VHS as a Christmas present the year I was thirteen. I really remember how much I liked Janeway, and I wished -- like Kate Mulgrew has a very unusual voice, and that was sort of everyone in the family's reaction. And I'm like, Yeah, it's a weird voice, but I love her, shut up.

And the next day my parents' marriage ended, so...

Anika: Wow. Okay!

Liz: I don't think these things are really connected. But in my mind, and in my heart, they very much are.

Star Trek wasn't really my main fandom at the time. TNG had ended, and I was very deep into having feelings about seaQuest DSV. So -- there are probably still dozens of us.

Anika: I loved that show.

Liz: It was so great. We could talk about my OTP for seaQuest next. But yeah, that was my first encounter with Voyager, and I didn't really become a capital letters Voyager Fan until a few months later, when we accidentally got season two videos.

Anika: Accidentally. Yeah, I don't know. It's a good pilot episode. Not a good episode.

Liz: I want you to expand on that.

Anika: So the thing about pilots is, there are very few good ones out there. It's really hard to introduce a show in a way that isn't cliched, and isn't, like, a bunch of people expositing about everything you need to know about them to each other. It's a -- it's hard. It's hard to do it well.

Liz: Yes. If you want to see a bad pilot, I highly recommend the pilot for Babylon 5. It is unwatchably bad.

Anika: Voyager still has plenty of pilot problems, like, "Caretaker" still has plenty of pilot problems, but they cover a huge amount of ground. They introduce so many things, and when you think about all of the stuff that has to happen in this episode versus, say, "Encounter at Farpoint", which is really just a bunch of people introducing themselves to each other -- that's literally all that happens in "Encounter at Farpoint".

Liz: And not even by name.

Anika: And then Riker watches what happened in the opening scene? I mean, that is a terrible, terrible pilot, and a terrible episode.

Liz: My friend and their partner have decided to start with Star Trek at "Encounter at Farpoint". And I'm like, I love you. You are good people. You don't deserve this.

Anika: Don't do it! No.

But -- so what I like about "Caretaker" is that everyone except B'Elanna -- and I will tell you more about that in a little bit. But everyone except B'Elanna has an introduction that is not them introducing themselves to each other. Or to the audience. They don't stand and say, "Hello, I am Harry Kim."

There's like little bits and pieces, like the -- what we learned about Harry Kim is what Janeway says about him to Tuvok, you know. What we learn about Tom Paris is that, you know, he's in prison. And the first time we see Janeway is Tom looking up at her, and it pans up and she's got her hands on her hips. And she's like, "Hey, I'm totally in charge, and I'm here with Obi Wan Kenobi to rescue you."

So it does pilot things. We get that there is tension between everyone and Tom Paris, like, literally everyone and Tom Paris, there is tension. And we get that there is tension between the Maquis and the Starfleet people, we get that Janeway and Tuvok have a very close, established relationship. Like, there's a lot of established stuff going on?

The Janeway and Tuvok stuff is so much better than the Picard and Crusher stuff, like, I can't even -- they're worlds apart in terms of how they play.

Liz: And not just because the language of setting up a platonic friendship between a man and a woman is different from setting up a romantic tension. Seven years have passed, and the writing is different. And Janeway -- the woman is the one in a dominant position. And it's just better.

Anika: It's just better, it's just better. But the actual story is not. Like, the whole Caretaker thing, it's clearly a plot device, it's very deus ex machina for "we have to get them lost in the Delta Quadrant. Like, we have to get them to the Delta Quadrant, and then we have to get them lost here."

And so, while it is entirely Janeway's choice, she's the only one with agency. She takes it away from everyone else. There's no meeting to discuss any of these things. And it's all very driven by this "there was, a guy, an ancient guy who, like, steals people and keeps them as pets. And his favorite people, like, he needs to" -- it's just ridiculous. Like, he's seeding himself so that someone -- so his child will be stuck with this horrible job of taking care of his ant farm of Ocampa.

Everything about it is bad. Like, nothing in that whole story is good. He's a bad person. And it's so wildly ridiculous. Like, he dies before they can even begin to understand how any of it happened? Like, they just blow up the array?

Liz: It's sort of like the writers going, "Oh, shit, we really don't want to ask too many questions about this guy, we'd better kill him as fast as we can."

Anika: Exactly. So. So if you start to think about this story at all… Being a pilot that introduces you to these characters and this situation, it's bad. But if you're just watching to be introduced to these characters and this situation, it's good.

Liz: I have never thought about it in those terms until you said this in our preparation, but I think that's a really, really good point.

And I'm going to confess that I have not re-watched "Caretaker" to prepare for this episode because I have seen it so many times, I can quote big chunks of it by heart. And, honestly, it's actually not that rewatchable. Deep Space Nine is not my favorite Trek, but I have seen "Emissary" so many times, and I enjoy it every single time. After a while, watching "Caretaker" starts to feel like a chore.

Anika: Yeah, because what's actually happening is not interesting.

Liz: Yeah, yeah.

Anika: And it's just full of holes, and I just get mad at everybody if I start thinking about it.

Liz: That's before we get into the bit where the Kazon exist.

Anika: Oh, the Kazon. They tried so hard to make the Kazon happen. And it just never happened.

Liz: Re-watching season two for my blog, I was struck by the fact that, with a different writing team, the Kazon could have been really fascinating and nuanced and interesting. And instead, it's basically white people having a moral panic about Black people. You know, they explicitly said that the Kazon were, like, "They're based on East Los Angeles area gangs!" And I'm like, Sure, okay. That's potentially interesting, but you're all white people. And, you know, we find out that thirty years ago, they freed themselves from slavery. And that's why the--

Anika: Thirty years!

Liz: I know! I know! That is my own lifetime! [But] that's why they're low tech and dysfunctional and desperate. And they're not given even an ounce of empathy, or sympathy, or even consideration. Even "Initiations", which I think is a good episode, and certainly, by far the best Kazon episode, there's just -- there's one good Kazon, and that's it.

And I do think part of the problem is that we never see their women, we never see them in any situation other than hostility. But mostly, I think the problem is that the writers are racist.

Anika: And the one good Kazon is a kid.

Liz: Yeah, yes.

Anika: It's almost like it's like a white savior -- or a Chakotay savior story, you know, like, Dangerous Minds--

Liz: Yeah.

Anika: -- where Michelle Pfeiffer goes into the inner city to save it.

Liz: The mental image of Chakotay as Michelle Pfeiffer is amazing. And yeah, that is a really messed up genre, and the only good thing it ever gave us was "Gangsta's Paradise".

So, yeah, that limitation in the perception of the Kazon is built right there into this pilot. And a lot of people go, you know, "It's so stupid how they have spaceships and they don't make -- they can't replicate or create their own water." And it's like, this would have been a great opportunity to explain some of their history instead of going, "Surprise! It's actually really racist!" a season later.

Anika: Yep. It's just really bad. Everything's bad about the Kazon. They're not great. They're not good villains. And anything -- every time they are almost interesting, they're almost instantly not interesting and/or racist at the same time.

Liz: It troubles me that the series with the first female captain is also the first series where sexism and misogyny are treated as anything other than a joke. We've had the Ferengi for years, and it's always been, "Haha, they like women to be naked." And it's only now that suddenly these writers are forced to empathize with a female character, that they're like, "Oh, maybe that attitude is ... bad?"

Anika: Maybe it's bad. We never see a Kazon woman.

Liz: Right, are they living in -- is it a Kazon Handmaid's Tale thing? Or are they warriors in their own right? Do they have their own politics? Are they trying to pull the strings from the background and maybe doing so more successfully than Seska because they're further in the background? We don't know. We'll never know.

Are we the only people who look at Star Trek and go, but what if the Kazon came back?

Anika: So we're definitely the only people who look at Star Trek and think, what if the Kazon came back?

But Cullah was almost an interesting character. And, really, the most interesting he ever was was when he took the baby, and, like, cared. That he cared about any of that happening, that he cared about Seska dying. It was like, Oh, my gosh, this is a real relationship all of a sudden. So it's just interesting. And they had a lot of interesting Macbeth scenes that were fun, that could have been so much better if they'd leaned into that instead of what they did.

Liz: Yeah.

Anika: But we're we're getting beyond the scope, because we're supposed to be talking about "Caretaker", and Cullah is not even in it

Liz: Turns out we could do a whole episode on the Kazon

Anika: Whoops!

Liz: That's really gonna get the listeners.

Anika: Let's talk about our first impressions of the crew.

Liz: So the scene where Tom looks up, and there's Kathryn Janeway with her bun of steel and her hands on her hips, and, you know, in her very first scene, she tells us that she was a scientist before she was a captain. I fell in love.

And yet, the pilot is really eager to tell us that just because she's a woman in command doesn't mean she's ... not a woman.

Anika: She has the world's most boring fiance.

Liz: Oh my God.

Anika: I hate -- like, my favorite part is that they're talking, they're facetiming on the viewscreen and all, and she's lliterally doing work while talking to him. Like, this is the last -- and they don't know that it's gonna be the last time for seven years, or whatever, but it's still gonna be months. And yet, she's just doing her work, and he has to tell her to look at him, which is hilarious. But he's also -- he's so milquetoast, I don't care.

Liz: He's just sort of your standard extruded Star Trek male love interest.

Anika: And then there's puppies. She loves her dog.

Liz: She loves her dog. She likes to be called ma'am rather than sir. It's a very 1990s "don't be too threatened" scenario, which is interesting, because you contrast that with Major Kira, who, I think, as the second lead, rather than the primary lead of the show, has more freedom to be abrasive, and unlikable, and unfeminine.

Anika: Yeah. But even in Deep Space Nine, like, Jadzia is super feminine. In presentation, at least, and the more it goes on, she gets -- the more they were like, "Don't worry, we also have this pretty one." Like, Nana Visitor is gorgeous, just, you know, don't yell at me. But--

Liz: After the pilot episode, she went and cut off her hair into -- it's not even a pixie cut. It's a really butch style. And she did that without getting the permission of the producers. She was just, like, that's how Major Kira would have her hair.

And then, over the next seven seasons, they worked really, really hard to force Kira into a feminine mold.

Anika: You're right, they absolutely do it to Janeway [too]. She has that whole Jane Eyre holoprogram thing that -- everything she does in her free time is, like, from the 19th century. It's just very weird. She's super old fashioned in her forward thinking scientist future ladyness.

Liz: I think a lot of that is down to Jeri Taylor, and the fact that she was already, for the '90s, older than the generation of feminists who were defining the movement at the time. I realized once that she's only a year younger than DC Fontana.

Anika: It's interesting. Kate Mulgrew was forty when she started Voyager, but according to apocrypha, she was playing five years younger, like, she's not supposed to be forty.

Liz: No, I've heard that too, that Janeway was meant to be about thirty-five. Which, I mean, I guess? Maybe?

Anika: [What that] means is that she is admiral super young. That's what I take out of it. So good on her. It's just weird. It's like, why? I don't know. It's just very Hollywood. It's very, "Oh my gosh, we can't have a forty-something woman in a starring role. We can't possibly do that. So, okay, we got this one and, and we're gonna go with her, but she's not really forty. You can still be attracted to her. You're allowed, everybody."

Liz: You know, "We've got her in a corset so she's thin, and she's in high heels so she's tall and she'll walk in a sexy way."

It really struck me, the first time I watched Discovery, the first time I watched "The Vulcan Hello", how feminine and comfortable Michelle Yeoh looked with her hair in a ponytail -- and it's a very loose ponytail -- and she's wearing flats. I was like, Oh my god, this is what Janeway could have been.

Anika: Right.

Liz: Now, I know that the next character on our list is Chakotay, but I think we should talk about Tom, because he and Harry the POV characters for this pilot. It's sort of telling that Chakotay is sidelined from the beginning.

Anika: I always say that there are three co-protagonists in this pilot. Tom, Janeway, and Kes are the people who have a point of view and an arc.

Liz: Yeah, you're right.

Anika: And everybody else is just sort of in their orbit.

Liz: Even Kes barely has agency.

Anika: It's a giant cast, so they couldn't -- and again, B'Elanna is not -- like, the B'Elanna that I know and love is not in this pilot. She's just not even actually there. There is a B'Elanna in this pilot, but it is not even close to who she is. And she's barely on screen. She's just an angry Klingon lady, that's all she is.

Liz: Who almost flashes her whole boob in one scene.

Anika: But she immediately -- like, the very next episode is a B'Elanna episode. So it's sort of like, "We didn't put any effort into her in the pilot, because we're gonna, you know, we're gonna have a whole episode about her. It's gonna be okay." And it's great, "Parallax" is a way better story.

Liz: Yeah, I don't think that's necessarily a bad choice. That's like Discovery taking six episodes to introduce it's whole cast. And I think B'Elanna is better served by that, but it's interesting how objectified she is in this story.

Anika: Yes.

Liz: To get back to Tom, I listened to the Delta Fliers episode on "Caretaker" when it came out. I'm sort of at peak Star Trek podcast, so I've gotten behind on them. But that's Robert Duncan McNeill and Garrett Wang talking about their memories of each episode. And--

Anika: It's very fun.

Liz: --among the things that I enjoyed were Robert Duncan McNeill calling himself out for how sleazy Tom is towards women, particularly Janeway. But he blames himself and I'm like, I'm pretty sure you are following a script, dude. Like, this is not your responsibility.

But also, he says at one point that Tom Paris was considered as a potential love interest for Janeway, and that they were going to cast someone older for the role.

Anika: I've been saying that since the beginning. Janeway and Paris, as we all know, are my OTP of Voyager. And I'm not off that! I ship that! Like, I ship literally everything. But it's always going to be -- Janeway and Paris are going to be the most important to me, in terms of Voyager characters, just partly because, again, I was, what, 20? And I -- not even--

Liz: Yep.

Anika: It was formative, you know, it's like, I loved Voyager so much, and I loved Janeway and Paris. The first fan fiction that I read and wrote was Janeway and Paris. Iit's just gonna be them.

And so the idea that they were ever considered, quote, unquote, canon, it just makes me feel like I wasn't a crazy person reading into the entire first two seasons.

Liz: No.

Anika: I firmly believe that you can see a relationship behind the scenes in the -- you know, up until he starts having a thing with B'Elanna.

Liz: No, in fact, there's a point in season two where Robbie is like, "I think this is around the time they stopped pushing Janeway and Paris and started moving towards Janeway and Chakotay."

I found that really interesting, because the other thing that we know about the development of Voyager is that they always wanted a Nick Locarno type of character. They always wanted Robert Duncan McNeill in the role. And, honestly, that doesn't mean that they never considered casting someone older. We know that there were legal issues with having the Nick Locarno character, and that's why he's Tom Paris.

And, you know, it's like how they auditioned men for Janeway and women for Chakotay at one point. Like how DS9 auditioned white men for Sisko, you throw everything at the wall and see if it sticks. But I think the AU with an older Paris would have been interesting.

Anika: I'm fine with it as is. I like the ten-year age gap, personally, but I don't even mind -- I wouldn't mind the five-year if she's really thirty-five. Whatever, fine. Then we're closer to a five-year age gap. But I like the idea of her, like, meeting him when he was a kid and then forgetting that that happened.

Liz: Not giving him any thought, and then meeting him as an adult and going, oh.

Anika: "Whoa."

Liz: Yeah. That would have been really cool because it's a sort of borderline creepy storyline that we see a lot with men and younger women. And I don't remember ever seeing it with women and younger men. And I like an age gap, and I like a relationship where there -- there are problematic elements to be negotiated.

Anika: Yes, exactly. Oh, my favorite things.

Liz: But also I think Tom Paris in the pilot is a deeply terrible person, and I hate him.

Anika: Oh, yeah.

Liz: So many of my friends are watching Voyager for the first time and going, Wow, Tom Paris, he is the worst. And I'm like, Yeah, but wait a few seasons, he's going to be the suburban dad of everyone's, I don't want to say everyone's dreams, but he's going to be peak suburban nice dad. And it'll be great.

Anika: You said that Robbie says that he blamed himself for being skeezy -- see, I give Robbie all the credit for him not being skeezy. I'm on the other side, where I really feel like they tried, they tried to make Tom Paris that guy, the guy that I don't ever like and never want in my Star Trek, and they keep trying to put him in Star Trek. Like, every series has that guy. And it was Tom Paris.

And he was just not capable of playing it. He put so much warmth into these horrible lines and situations that you couldn't -- you couldn't read it that way. And so there was, like, oh, there's something deeper here, he's not just hitting on people, he's lonely. He's not just, like, he's not getting, you know, doing -- he's not trying to hit on the captain in her pool [game] or whatever, he's actually trying to make a friend. He's telling her that she matters to him because she's giving him these second chances.

I read all of my Janeway/Paris stuff into these early seasons where he has horrible storylines, because the actors aren't acting like he's a skeevy, horrible person.

Liz: No, and all of Tom's good qualities are -- or seem to be -- Robert Duncan McNeill's good qualities. You know, he's open, he's generous. He's kind of funny, kind of a dork, but self-aware about it, and very passionate about holding up the people that he loves. That seems to be Robert Duncan McNeill. And that is who Tom Paris becomes.

But I also think, like, what you were saying about how he's not flirting, he's trying to make friends, I also think that his background in terms of having neglectful and emotionally negligent parents, he needs people to like him. And if the only way he can do that is to make them attracted to him -- to build an attraction -- that's the strategy he'll use.

Anika: It's such a psychological thing that really happens, and again, often with women.

Liz: Yeah.

Anika: I gotta say, this might be a good place to say, where Voyager does an incredible job of giving all of the men various feminine traits or, like, you know, stereotypically woman-centered things that happen--

Liz: Right, right, Chakotay is sensitive and domestic. And Tuvok defines himself to a large degree by his parenthood, and Neelix is the cook, and the Doctor is a caretaker, and Harry -- with Harry, I feel like a lot of it's bound up in anti-Asian racism, to be honest, and the emasculation of Asian men. But he is another very sensitive and gentle guy who doesn't really like -- he likes to be romanced, he doesn't like to be seduced.

Anika: It's great. And then, you know, the women -- we get B'Elanna in the engineering role. And she's also angry all the time.

Liz: Yes.

Anika: And Janeway is a scientist and in charge, you know, she's the authority.

Liz: And Seven -- Seven, when she's comes, in is sort of her own thing altogether. But she's the Spock. She's the Odo. She's the Data. And it's notable that the most classically feminine of the characters is Kes, and she's the one who is treated as a failure and discarded and in the fourth season.

Anika: Yeah. They don't know how to write for her, is what it comes down to

Liz: I think it's that thing where they don't know how to empathize with women who don't act in some way, like men. And this is all very binary and very steeped in stereotypes and generalization.

Anika: But it's very '90s.

Liz: It is so '90s.

Anika:

I can say, as a child of the '90s -- I can still call myself that -- that it's what we were grappling with. Like, the '80s were -- there was this whole power fantasy stuff, right? And then the '90s were, you know, grunge and riot grrrls. And so there's just -- this show, like, yeah, it's using all those stereotypes, and so that's why I'm calling them feminine traits. I don't think that cooking or being a good parent or having soft hair or being a musician is feminine in any way.

Liz: No, but we are dealing in stereotypes.

Anika: It's gender coding. That's what I'm talking about.

Liz: Relatedly, one of the reasons Janeway's character is considered 'inconsistent', and I'm using air quotes because I don't think that's actually -- I don't think she's the worst in terms of inconsistent writing and Star Trek captains. But -- (Archer) -- but part of the reason for that--

Anika: My trash boy.

Liz: --is that all the writers had a different feminine stereotype or archetype in mind when they were writing Janeway. Some people saw her as a schoolmarm and Jeri Taylor saw her as an earth mother for some godforsaken unknown reason. And it seems like no one was really able to go, "Hey, what if we get past the stereotypes and archetypes and just write her as a ... person?"

Anika: It's just bad. And it's true. There are definitely inconsistencies where she -- the one that I always point out is that she has this super faith thing where she literally has a scene where she explains the concept of faith and God to Harry Kim. And then, a season later, she has to go save Kes from whatever horrible thing is holding Kes hostage.

Liz: And suddenly she's a TV atheist.

Anika: Yeah. And it's like, what are you talking about? That is not Janeway. It's just wrong. You can't have it both ways. And so there are inconsistencies.

I think you're right, that it's a problem with different people having -- like, putting different ideas of who Janeway is onto her.

Liz: And certainly, Archer is at his worst when they try and force him into an equally narrow masculine box.

Anika: Yeah. Right.

Liz: So, the patriarchy. It hurts men too!

Anika: But I do think that, yeah, Janeway isn't alone in her inconsistencies. And I also think, of every Star Trek character, or every captain, she has the most reason to be inconsistent.

Liz: One hundred percent. Because she's the only one--

Anika: She shouldn't be--

Liz: Yeah.

Anika: She shouldn't be consistent when she's holding the entire, like, the idea of Starfleet and the Federation herself. She's gluing it together in a place that doesn't know what any of those words even mean.

Liz: And she can never get a break. Picard can take a holiday and go to Risa, and wear skimpy shorts, and have a fling, and have adventures. Janeway has to do all that in the context of her ship.

Anika: Right. And she's always captain. She never gets to not be captain, even if she's in the holodeck hanging out.

Liz: Yeah. Basically, Voyager is 2020, and Janeway is working from home.

Anika: So I cut her a little slack.

Liz: Hah, I cut her a lot of slack.

Anika: And I write into my own little headcanons that it is all of this psychological stuff that she's dealing with. Uou know, I say, Oh, well, she was depressed then, so she was making these choices. So.

Liz: Honestly, Janeway makes sense to me. There are inconsistencies, but she holds -- like, she feels consistent emotionally. And that's what's important.

Anika: Right.

Liz: Let's talk about Chakotay, who you've described here as the most stereotypical Native character ever.

Anika: It's just really sad.

Liz: I -- yeah.

Anika: Like it's sad on every level, because now, creating a Native character now, which they should definitely do, but putting that character into Star Trek, that character automatically is stuck with the Chakotay baggage. And that's just so upsetting. We're never going to get this clean, quote unquote, Native character, because of this mess that we got with Chakotay, where he -- like, it was already bad, the TNG episode isn't any better. That episode is really bad.

Liz: That's the episode "Journey's End", which sets up either Chakotay's home planet or one very much like it, colonized by Native Americans, because that is absolutely how Indigenous people work.

Anika: So bad. And then they get kicked out, kind of like in Picard, you know, Starfleet's like, "You gotta leave now, because the Cardassians own this place." And it's like, but they don't really? And no one really does?

So, right, it puts them on the wrong -- it's just all it's all bad. It's all bad. And it's all very much a white person writing what they think an Indigenous person is.

Liz: Right.

Anika: All it did the dream watching, and--

Liz: The vision quest...

Anika: --none of it is true. That's where I end the sentence, none of it is true to the idea of an Indigenous character. And it's just it never gets good in Voyager. I want to like Chakotay, and I have troubles.

Liz: To their credit, they hired a consultant. Unfortunately, the consultant was a white fraud, a Native faker, who was already notorious for being a fake, and Native American groups had been warning Hollywood for years that he was actually a white guy. So they start off on a bad foot.

They audition a lot of Native American actors and decide they're too, quote unquote, on the nose, meaning too Native American. So they cast Robert Beltran, who is a very talented Mexican American actor, who doesn't seem to have any Native heritage. I don't know how Indigenous identity in Mexico works, but to my knowledge, he doesn't really participate in Native culture, or anything like that. So, yeah, they just went for the nearest brown guy, basically.

Anika: And the thing is, if he was Mexican American, and not Native, that would be better,

Liz: Right, or just a Mexican American character who has some Native heritage that he is learning about, like, that is a really interesting story. But like, so much of it is dated even for 1996.

Anika: Right. That's right, exactly.

Liz: I remember as a kid cringing every time they use the word Indian, because even then I knew that the new and appropriate term was Native American. And just the whole "I hear in some tribes, if I save your life, you belong to me" -- that's a setup for a slash fic. It shouldn't be canonical.

Anika: Yeah, everything about poor Chakotay is poorly done. And the further we get from Voyager, like, the more time goes on, the -- [it gets] more blatantly bad. It really starts to stick out.

Liz: I understand what you're saying, that everything they do from now is tainted by what they did with Chakotay. But I really do think that new Trek, the Trek Renaissance, needs Indigenous representation.

Anika: They should definitely do it.

Liz: Yeah, like Discovery films in Toronto and there is no shortage of hugely talented Native Canadian -- I think it's Canadian Aboriginal? Of Indigenous Canadian actors. And and, obviously, Evan Evagora in Picard is half-Maori ... but he's playing a Romulan, so.

Anika: I'm not saying they shouldn't do it because of all this baggage. I just feel sorry for the actor.

Liz: Yes.

Anika: I feel badly for the person who has to deal with it.

Liz: Also because they're inevitably going to end up on panels with Robert Beltran, and honestly, he seems like a dick.

Anika: Everything I've seen of Robert Beltran has been very, like, dismissive, I guess, is the best way -- like, when people bring up to him that, you know, maybe it wasn't the best representation of an Indigenous population, he sort of gets defensive and doesn't listen.

Liz: Yeah.

So let's move on to the greatest character in all of Star Trek...

Anika: Tuvok?!

Liz: Tuvok! Yes.

Anika: I have a Tuvok standee in my house now. I love it. It's just -- Tuvok is amazing. Best Vulcan by far.

Liz: Yes.

Anika: His relationship with Janeway is so precious to me. I just love everything about it. I love how warm it is right off from the beginning. I love that he is just as -- he does crazy stuff for Janeway, the way that Kirk does crazy stuff for Spock. It's that same level of "that's insane," and I love that. I love that they have that relationship. And I'm forever sad that they are the least represented in fan fiction. Like, even, like, platonic. I'm not saying -- I do, I would ship them. But...

Liz: But we don't even have fic about them having adventures.

Anika: Right? There's just -- I mean, Tuvok, yes, best character in Trek. Chemistry with everyone is highly -- [but] he's the least represented in Voyager. It's very upsetting to me because it cannot not be racism. There's just -- I don't have another explanation for why Tuvok is so ignored.

Liz: I have a theory, but I think the primary reason is indeed racism. But I also think it's that Tuvok enters the series as a man who already knows who he is, and his regrets are mainly behind him, and he doesn't really change much over the course of the series, save that he unbends to an extent to reveal his affection more than he did at the start. But, on the whole, he's not the most dynamic character.

And I love that about him! I love his stability, I love the respect that he has for everyone, even Neelix, who often doesn't deserve it. And I think he is a character who is almost the heart and soul of the show in a way that's easily overlooked because he is entertaining and fun to watch with every single other regular character.

When I put it like that, the only reason he is overlooked -- aside from -- like, I really do think a lot of it comes down to racism

Anika: Yeah, he absolutely is stable. And he absolutely does -- he's a supporting character in every way? He supports, but it's sort of like, so shouldn't he be supporting people? Can't we still write fic about that? I don't understand.

Liz: Now I'm thinking that if he was a white guy, he would probably be the male bicycle of the cast. Like I realized the entire cast minus Neelix is basically the bicycle, but now I'm side-eyeing fandom extra hard.

Anika: I just love Tuvok so much. And I have written Tuvok, but I've definitely written for January and Paris. So I'm also part of the problem, I guess.

Liz: I will confess that I completely overlooked him until my current rewatch, so I am not excusing myself from anything here.

Anika: I try to give him, you know, his due, at least in my ensemble fic. I don't actually write much Voyager fic right now.

Liz: No, no. I haven't for years

Anika: And also T'Pel, too, I'm, like, on a mission to give T'Pel literally any characterization whatsoever.

Liz: Someone somewhere out there is going to write me a Janeway/Tuvok/T'Pel fic, and I'm going to be very grateful.

Anika: Nice.

Liz: We're almost at an hour. Let's talk about Harry Kim. Every time I watch "Caretaker", I'm blown away by how beautiful Garrett Wang is, and the floppiness of his perfect '90s non-threatening boy hair. It's magnificent.

Anika: That's absolutely true. One of my photo caps, he just has amazing hair. One shot, you know, my, like, tagline for Janeway is that her hair is fabulous. And I was like, Oh, HIS hair is fabulous, and I compared it to Poe Dameron.

Liz: Oh, no, you're not wrong. I said something in my "Q and the Gray" post about how the only redeeming feature of that episode was Harry's floppy hair. And then I mentioned that when I linked to it on Twitter, and Garrett Wang replied, and I -- I cannot be acknowledged by the actors in that way. Like, I want to objectify you, you don't get to respond. This is a one-way relationship.

Anika: Poor Harry Kim. Harry Kim is another one who is routinely overlooked by fandom. But unlike with Tuvok, there are like the rabid Harry Kim fans who will come to his defense and do write him, usually with Tom, but--

Liz: I understand that there is a thriving, powerful of Tom/Harry shippers, and I don't ship it, but I fully respect them.

Anika: And so he has his own little corner, I guess, of the fandom. But it is still true that, in wider fandom, if you're gonna ask non-Voyager fans -- but Trek fans -- they'll point out Harry Kim as a waste of space, that he has no characterization whatsoever--

Liz: Lies!

Anika: --that, literally all they know about him is that he was never promoted during the series. And it's just, it's gross.

Liz: Which is, again, racism.

Anika: Which is just really bad.

Liz: Because Rick Berman did not like Garret Wang.

Anika: Exactly. What I do when I'm watching Voyager, and I really saw it -- like, Voyager actually does a good job -- you know how we were always complaining about making the bridge crew annoyingly prominent in Discovery? Voyager does a really good job with their giant ensemble. And to be fair, they're all like actual regulars.

Liz: They are, which I do think was a mistake.

Anika: They're supposed to be prominent, but little things. Like there's this great part where we learn that Harry wears a mask to sleep, and why. And, of course, he has his clarinet and his love of music, that he, saved up replicator rations to make a clarinet because he left his actual one at home.

And he has his fiancee, and when he is in that little bubble reality where he's back on Earth, and he has like a favorite coffee place, and he has a favorite coffee order. And it's like, those are the details that I want. You know, they're like throwaway -- not important to the plot. They just tell you who Harry is.

Liz: And what he values.

Anika: And he's a really sweet guy that cares about community, and knows people's names, and pays attention to little things. I don't understand the criticism that Harry Kim doesn't have character, because he has so much character.

Liz: What I don't get is this idea that Harry Kim is bad with women. He is wildly successful with women. He just finds it uncomfortable when women come at him aggressively. Like--

Anika: Yeah!

Liz: --that's it. And I think, again, this memetic idea that Harry is bad with women is racist, because it comes up in the script, and people accept it as reality, but it's not remotely true.

Anika: It's not true. And it's weird. He has plenty of little one-off relationships.

Liz: Right!

Anika: It's strange. It's strange. And also this idea that he's not promoted. That's not on Harry.

Liz: No. That is, in universe, on Janeway and, in reality, on Rick Berman

Anika: Right.

Liz: And why are we passing up an opportunity to criticize Rick Berman? We love that shit!

Anika: Let's always criticize Rick. Definitely everything wrong is Rick Berman. And, you know, all of them. Brannon Braga and Jeri Taylor aren't -- they're better than Rick Berman, but they aren't great.

Liz: No, no, I'm very fond of Braga because I share his tastes for weird science fictional time travel stuff. Buuuuuut...

Anika: There's stuff. There are things that are questionable. And obviously Rick Berman is a trash person and not the way that Jonathan Archer is.

Liz: No, he is a trash person in the low level #MeToo way.

Anika: Right. But back to Harry.

Liz: Yes.

Anika: Harry had a fiancee, so I don't exactly understand how he's bad with women. And in the new Janeway autobiography, he gets back with her.

Liz: Oh, nice!

Anika: I was like, Oh, that's actually -- like, I always sort of I make fun of [Libby] almost as much as I make fun of Mark, but that's really not fair to Libby, because she--

Liz: She has a personality.

Anika: In the one episode we get with her -- yeah, she has a personality, they actually have a really sweet relationship that I'm sort of, like, I can cheerlead that, you know? And since I don't like any of his canon relationships in the show, it's like, sure, he gets back together with Libby. They have a happy life, that's great.

Liz: Yeah, I love that for him.

Anika: I'd also -- while we're because we're allegedly talking about "Caretaker"--

Liz: Oh, yeah.

Anika: The pet names, the way that B'Elanna and Harry call each other Starfleet and Marquis, every once in a while it comes back up, and every time I'm happy, and I love their relationship the way that it -- like, it's not actually in the show. But their relationship that is seen in those tiny moments where they call each other by these pet names, and they support each other and, like, share, Tom is really great.

I just wish that they had built on the potential of those characters and that relationship, and that we got more of that friendship.

Liz: And it really feels like they were setting the groundwork for a canonical romance. And I have to believe that the only reason they didn't go through with that was, again, racism.

Anika: Yeah. Racism.

Liz: Because it had faded well into the background before they worked out that Roxann Dawson had amazing chemistry with Robert Duncan McNeill. And I like Tom and B'Elanna, but I also would have liked Harry and B'Elanna.

I just think at some point early on, they decided, "Actually this Asian kid, we're not going to do anything to support him or uphold him."

And, you know, allegedly he was the one -- almost the one who was fired at the end of season three, and then Garrett Wang made it onto the People's most beautiful 50 Most Beautiful People of the Year list, and they ditched Jennifer Lien instead.

Wang has said that that's not entirely accurate, and I think I'll have to dip back into Delta Fliers when he discusses that, because certainly Jennifer Lien seems to have had problems even then.

Anika: Yes.

Liz: And I hate that her career came to an end because I wonder if she would have been in a better position now than if she had -- if it had not [been her that was let go]. For those who don't follow Voyager actors in the news, Lien has not acted for a long time, and I think is living in Texas, and has racked up a bunch of criminal charges. And basically -- "don't do meth" is the moral of the story.

Anika: Her story reminds me a lot of Grace Lee Whitney's.

Liz: Yeah. And you know, Whitney really struggled with addiction for a very long time, and got through it and her career revived, and she wound up having a successful and happy life. So I hope that comes true for Lien as well. Is this a good segue to talk about Kes?

Anika: Yes. I love Kes, and they from the beginning did not know how to write her. They did not know what they were going to do with her. I hate her introduction. I love Kes as, like, the girl who's climbing up the rabbit hole.

Liz: The fairy princess going on adventures.

Anika: But I hate the fact that we meet her as battered and bruised, and a prisoner, and being saved by Neelix, who's lying to our heroes in order to do it. Everything is bad about that. That's not just -- that's just not good.

Liz: I think even if Janeway had been the one to save her, it would have been better.

Anika: Yes.

Liz: But yeah, I think the whole Neelix/Kes relationship was--

Anika: Oof!

Liz: --poorly conceived. Yur note here is that Kes is an abuse victim and also a literal child. And to be honest, I never have any problem accepting the Ocampa for fully grown adults at the age of one, and they are sexually mature and emotionally mature -- or as emotionally mature as an adult twenty-year-old can be, and there's nothing skeevy happening here. But nevertheless, the gap in age between Ethan Phillips and Jennifer Lien is so great?

Anika: Right.

Liz: I think if they had cast someone younger as Neelix, it might have worked, but it was so far from being a relationship between equals.

Anika: The issue with the actors' ages is, because they're both playing aliens, and they're both playing aliens that are new, even -- like, they're not even Vulcans or whatever, that we're aware of, we don't know how how old either -- like, I guess we know that Ocampa live to be seven-years-old. But until she comes back in "Fury", I was always sort of like, What's seven? You know, we made up time, seven in the Delta Quadrant could be eighty, we don't know. You know, it's another thing that you shouldn't think too much about in science fiction.

And then, Neelix. The thing is that even if he is a young -- what is he? Talaxian? Even if he is a young Talaxian, he has a ship, he has a job. He was in the military for a while, and left.

Liz: I was gonna say, his history in the military makes me think he's considerably older than, say, thirty?

Anika: Yeah. He's lived too much to have this. And she literally lived her two years underground, being one of the Caretaker's ants in his ant farm. [Note from Liz: we regret to report that Kes is, in fact, one year old in "Caretaker". She turns two in "Twisted" and WHY DO I KNOW THIS WITHOUT LOOKING IT UP?] She has no experience whatsoever. So putting those two together is the -- it's just not balanced in any way.

Liz: No. And I, as much as I love an age gap, there are certain conditions that have to be in place for me to be on board. One is that, in experience, or intelligence, they have to be equals. And two, the story has to acknowledge the unevenness and the consequences of that. And Voyager tried really, really hard not to.

Anika: Right.

Liz: It felt dishonest in a way. And then there was the whole Neelix jealousy subplot that came along a season or so later. It really served both characters poorly. I like Neelix? But I like him best after Kes breaks up with him in season three.

Anika: I like him best, really, after Kes is gone. Unfortunately,

Liz: No, no, that makes sense. I think sometimes a relationship holds a character back, even the memory of it. And it's easier to overlook the skeeviness of the Neelix/Kes relationship once Kes is gone.

Anika: And the issue is that Neelix's other closest relationship is with Tuvok, who is another person who -- like, Tuvok is Mr. Boundaries, and Neelix doesn't know what a boundary is.

Liz: Yeah. That's my other beef.

Anika: So my -- like, I get why they put those two characters together, and why they built up that relationship. But when you look at the way that Neelix treats Kes, and the way that Neelix treats Tom, and the way that Neelix treats Tuvok together, it doesn't make Neelix look good.

Liz: No, no, you kind of have to take him -- you really have to compartmentalize him.

And it's a shame, because I love Kes, and I really identified with her when I was a teenage girl. Obviously I identified with Janeway, and weirdly, I sort of overlooked B'Elanna because she was so angry, and I was very much in denial about being an angry teenage girl. But I love her now, obviously.

But one of the reasons that they thought Kes was unappealing was that she was too much aimed at the teenage girl demographic. And in the costume book, they describe her as dressing like a teenage girl. And I'm like, you keep saying that like it's a bad thing!

Anika: Hollywood -- society as a whole -- really looks down on teenage girls.

Liz: Yeah.

Anika: And, you know, a politician says something that you don't like, and they say, "Oh, just like a teenage girl." And it's like, what? What are you talking about? So yeah, it's just bad.

Liz: I'm just saying, you know, who were the first to be into the Beatles? Teenage girls.

Anika: Well, teenage girls are great, and we should always support them. I have that -- that's one of my, like, reusable hashtags, #SupportTeenGrls, because it's just, it's just silly. It's silly not to.

Liz: I think that Kes could easily have coexisted with Seven. Like, I think it would have been really fascinating.

Anika: Yeah! You've said this before, that they should -- like, they should have had, like, five regulars and a bunch of supporting characters. And that's true.

Liz: If they had gotten to season four and dropped, say, Kes and Harry down to recurring, so there's not the pressure to have them in every episode and not the pressure to give them stories--

Anika: And Neelix! Why are we keeping Neelix?

Liz: Oh yeah, no, Neelix has to go.

Anika: Just saying. But for some reason, they were really against all of, like, that.

Liz: Ironically for a science fiction show, I think Star Trek in the '90s was really afraid to change.

Anika: Yeah, it's because, you know what happened with Terry Farrell, where she was like, "Look, I don't want to be a regular. I still want to play this character. I just don't want to be a regular," and they were like, "No." And--

Liz: You say "they", but--

Anika: --they wrote her out and brought in someone else. Yeah.

Liz: It's Rick Berman.

Anika: We all know who.

Liz: This is a great episode for criticizing Berman. I love it.

Anika: Itwould have made so much more sense to spread the love. But ... I don't know, they wrote B'Elanna really well, so I gotta give them that. B'Elanna is my -- you know, B'Elanna and Seven -- but Seven is, like, on a whole other level. B'Elanna is--

Liz: Seven is extraordinary. B'Elanna is also--

Anika: --an incredibly well-written character over seven seasons. She goes on a journey. And they check back in with her at the same time, you know, every season. And it's really clever, and it's really well done.

I don't know how they did so well with B'Elanna when they did so poorly with others. But they did. And maybe -- I said that she's angry all the time, and that's a, quote unquote, masculine trait. And so maybe it just was easier to do -- like it was easier for the writers to write that. But you said that you didn't initially identify with B'Elanna.

Liz: No.

Anika: I want to repeat something I said on a panel some years ago now, where I said, B'Elanna is my Spock.

Liz: I remember you've talked about that before, and I think it's a really great point. And I think having a character who is as angry as her, and as conflicted about her identity, and whose story carries over seven seasons -- and it never really comes to an easy resolution. She goes forward, she goes backwards. She has good days, she has bad days. I think it's an absolute masterclass in writing a key supporting character over time.

Anika: That she is consistent in her inconsistency, that all of the inconsistencies that come up in B'Elanna 's story are there -- are pointed out, are part of the plot, are, like, "We're gonna deal with this now."

And she's consistently going back and forth in different ways, and she never gets over her -- like, she never fully gets over her identity issues. She's dealing with, an anxiety issue pretty much throughout the entire -- even in the seventh season, she's still dealing with that anxiety.

Liz: Yeah!

Anika: And that's true to life. And so it's just really well done. I think that if they had paid more attention to her, they would have screwed her up.

Liz: That's exactly what I was going to say.

Anika: It's exactly the right amount of attention.

Liz: I feel like B'Elanna's story succeeds because she's a supporting character, and she's not the focus of attention the way Janeway and Seven are. And therefore, there's not the pressure riding on her, and not the level of attention, and they can just go through and quietly tell a good story, you know, the way they did with Worf in TNG. Worf's story back then was very -- pre-Deep Space Nine -- was very consistent and very well-told. I mean, you need to have tolerance for Klingon shit, but I'm a bit fond of Klingon bullshit.

So -- so we have not discussed the Doctor.

Anika: Oh, the Doctor. Well, he is barely a person in this first episode.

Liz: He's just Cranky Siri.

Anika: He's literally the program. He doesn't do anything new. He grows -- that's a character tha goes on quite the journey over Voyager, you know, it's kind of required of that character to grow in many ways.

Liz: But what's interesting is that he wasn't planned to be a funny character, and that was something that Robert Picardo brought to the role. And it almost leads to him taking over the series. Like, I find the Doctor very wearisome. And this argument that Seven of Nine takes over, when the Doctor is there every second episode. Seriously?

Anika: Yeah, Seven takes over in a way that, like, Tuvok, Chakotay -- B'Elanna's pretty -- like, B'Elanna's always second tier, that's where she exists. So she doesn't change. Tom arguably -- but Tom still gets to do all his Tom stuff.

But Harry, Chakotay and Tuvok, definitely, are sort of put in the shadows by Seven. You're absolutely correct, the Doctor has just as much character stuff. But he's been there all along, I guess. Like, you don't see it as a change, because what happens is his story doesn't go back the way that Tuvok's and Chakotay's -- he's not put in that box.

Liz: I think it frustrates me with the Doctor, whereas it doesn't with Seven, because I feel like, with Seven, they were doing something genuinely revolutionary in terms of the character and the way her story was written. And it obviously built on a lot of great writing from other science fiction series.

But Seven was new, and the Doctor is just, you know, mash up Data with McCoy and you've got the holographic doctor.

Anika: I am interested that you said that he wasn't meant to be funny, because I can't actually imagine him as not funny.

Liz: No, I know!

Anika: Like, what even would that be? That would literally be like, you know, Siri talking to me. That's not interesting.

Liz: I get the impression that he was basically conceived as Medical Siri. And I guess because it was the '90s and we didn't have Siri, then no one realized how boring that concept would be. And I think the idea always was that he would grow -- go on this journey of personhood, but it's Robert Picardo, who made it a journey of comedy personhood.

Anika: I like it. I like that. I can't imagine it another way.

I don't love the Doctor, I think I agree with you that it's just sort of tired. It's like, we did Odo, we did Data, we did Spock. And Seven brings something different to those same tropes, whereas the Doctor doesn't, really.

The Doctor is basically Data again, not the same personality, but it's sort of the same idea. He's also put on trial to prove that he exists, and he's also used in poor ways. I like the Doctor-centric episodes that aren't about his identity, but are more about how his identity fits into his community.

Liz: Yes, no, that makes sense. And, yeah, I don't dislike the Doctor. I just get tired of him by the end of season seven.

Anika: I mean, I think that's fair. I think that he also has a harsh personality.

Liz: Yeah, a little goes a long way. And honestly, I don't think he's a very good doctor. So ... he's not ... yeah.

Anika: I wouldn't want Siri to be my doctor either.

Liz: No, and we know that he was programmed by one of the biggest creeps in Starfleet.

Anika: Yes!

Liz: And I'm not even talking about Reginald Barclay!

Anika: Well, yeah, it's kind of amazing that he is a nice person at all, really, when you think about it?

Liz: Sheer luck, and also the influence of Kes.

Anika: Yeah, I was gonna say, it's the people. And that's why those are the more interesting episodes. Because someone building an identity is not as interesting as someone becoming more of themselves because of the interactions that they're having.

Liz: Right, yes.

So your note here is, "Janeway's choice. If this were a Cardassian ship, we'd be home now. If this were a Klingon ship, we'd be home now. If this were a Vulcan ship, we'd be home now. Why are humans?"

Anika: I'm just saying.

Liz: Which brings me to my thought, like, we don't see Seska in this episode, but I have to think that the whole Caretaker shenanigans -- it's just a very bad day for her. She's thrown to the other side of the galaxy, she's abducted, she's put through tests.

Then it turns out that Tuvok was a spy, and she didn't even notice, and that it has to be embarrassing, even though he didn't notice her, so at least they're even.

And then this Starfleet captain goes and traps them on the other side of the galaxy, and she has to wear a Starfleet uniform, and she's going to be on this ship for seventy years pretending to be a Bajoran?

Anika: Seska's worst day ever.

Liz: Uh, yeah, basically.

Anika: But, yeah, so obviously I was quoting Seska in the "If this were a Cardassian ship, we'd be home now." One of the best lines, best episodes? Yes. But, one hundred percent, Klingons and Vulcans would also not have done this. And probably Andorians. It's pretty much very human to do this.

Liz: It is. And I think it reflects the way that we have a strong sense of justice and decency and also a dash of paternalism.

Anika: I guess it's also a super American choice?

Liz: That brings me to my note here, "the Social Security controversy", because this episode ends with Janeway telling the Caretaker that, you know, children have to grow up and the Ocampa have to learn to stand on their own feet.

And a lot of -- this aired around the time that Bill Clinton was tipping a lot of people off Social Security, and a lot of left-wing and liberal viewers interpreted this episode as having a subtext -- basically an anti-Social Security subtext.

And it's interesting, because all through the series, Voyager does sort of have this odd, low-key reactionary tendency. You know, refugees are a bit scary. These former slaves are scary, and not white, and all of that stuff. And it's really built into the pilot.

Anika: Yeah, it's definitely there. And, you know, Voyager is my Trek, I guess, as you say.

Liz: And that's how we can criticize it.

Anika: And that's how we can criticize it, right. And I am very critical all the time.

Liz: Yeah.

Anika: Of many of the things both within the storylines, and things that happened behind the scenes and outside of -- and like, why things happened the way they did, and the storylines and stuff like that, all of that.

I can't watch an episode without thinking about the different things, and the way that I saw it when, again, I was a very young adult (in terms of science, not an adult at all) and yet, being asked to make decisions that they kept saying would affect my whole life. "Where do you want to go to college? What do you want to major in? What are you going to do with your life?" You know, and it's like, I don't know.

Liz: "I'm a kid, man."

Anika: And Voyager was my show at that time. And I was also -- like, I've mentioned before, on various places, I went through a -- I was -- I had a mental breakdown during Voyager. As Voyager ended, within six months after Voyager ended, I was hospitalised. So it I think it was even -- because -- if it ended in May that -- yeah, it was like, less than.

So it's just really -- I was becoming a person when Voyager happened, and on the backside of it, on the other end, when it was over. And I literally named myself after Seven of Nine. So when I say that Voyager shaped my personhood, I mean, it literally. Watching this show, at that time of my life, it shaped how I think, and how I feel, and how I see. And that's why I can look back on it without my rose colored glasses, and say, Whoo, that's really rough.

And I'm on Tuvok's side, whenTuvok was like, "This is not our job. We are, we are -- like, that guy was overinvested in this nonsense, and you're just -- you're just continuing that, and you have even less reason to be doing this."

That's why I love Seska so much. That's why I'm always talking about Seska, because Seska's the one who's pointing at it and saying, "This is -- like, letting the Kazon do whatever they want is a wrong decision. But what you're doing is also a wrong decision." And--

Liz: I don't think Janeway is necessarily wrong. I think the Kazon would have probably wiped out the Ocampa if they were left to their own devices. I think, if you can prevent a genocide, then you should do so.

Anika: Everything I know about the Kazon ... I don't think that they could--

Liz: You don't think they're capable?

Anika: 'Cos there were two ships.

Liz: Yeah, that's true.

Anika: Like how would -- I don't see people who have to steal water being able to take out the Ocampa.

Like, the Ocampa not being able to defend themselves is a problem, that is true, the Ocampa not being able to leave their planet. But I guess my point is that the Caretaker is the one who put them in that position.

Liz: Right.

Anika: And Janeway still, like -- yeah, they blow up the array and the two Kazon ships, but then they still leave. Like, the Ocampa are still hanging out on their planet, right?

Liz: And they don't even know about the danger. They don't even know that the Caretaker is dying.

Anika: So I don't see how Voyager taking care of this one threat, and then bouncing, is actually better for the Ocampa.

Liz: It's so typical of '90s Trek.

Anika: I guess there's no right choice here is the real -- the real answer is, there's no good choice, and so I'm fine with Janeway's choice. I just think--

Liz: As opposed to killing Tuvix, which is the only right choice.

Anika: I'm just saying that the idea -- like, Janeway's saviorhood is super -- you can tell that her dad was an admiral, you can tell that she lives and breathes Starfleet. And that's interesting, and that's good, and that makes her a great character. I just am that person who says, also Starfleet can be bad sometimes.

Liz: Yes. And also, I think that if this had been a Next Generation episode, there would have been a meeting about it where everyone argues the rights and wrongs of destroying the array and incorporating the Maquis into the crew. But because they're so set on establishing Janeway as a, quote unquote, strong female character, there was no room for that consultation. She needed to make that decision or else they thought it might be sexist, I guess?

Anika: I guess? She just comes off as like --

Liz: High handed.

Anika: Yeah. It's just, literally Tuvok is like, "Hey, maybe let's not do that." And she's like, "No, I'm gonna do that." And then--

Liz: I'm sorry. When Tuvok speaks, you should listen.

Anika: Right?

I mean, the truth is, in more than one episode, Tuvok, like -- in the teaser, Tuvok will say something, and then it'll turn out to be correct. And the entire episode would not have happened if we just listened to Tuvok.

Liz: See, this is why Tuvok needs to join the cast of Star Trek: Picard. Like, maybe their episodes would be shorter, but they will have a much easier time getting things done.

Anika: They also need an adult.

Liz: And obviously Picard is not -- you know, he's the cool granddad.

Anika: But yeah, so I just think it's very human. It's very American. It's very, it's very '90s, as you say. Absolutely. Like that is -- and it's interesting to look at it from our lens of now, to look back and think about how the entire series is based on this one decision.

Liz: Yeah. I don't think I know enough to really say this with any intelligence, but I'm not going to let that stop me! It sort of highlights the difference between liberalism and leftism? And I think Voyager thinks it's very liberal, and is actually very centrist.

Anika: Right, which is what liberalism is.

Liz: And that is so 1990s. This is Clinton-era Star Trek.

Anika: Very much so.

Liz: Yeah.

Anika: Well, that was fun!

Liz: We have talked about "Caretaker" for about as long as "Caretaker" runs. I'm so proud of us!

Anika: Whoops! Um, before we wrap up, I have one thing I wanted to say.

Liz: Yes?

Anika: This aired in 1995.

Liz: Oh, shit!

Anika: So it's actually the 26th anniversary.

Liz: Oh, that's so interesting!

Anika: But since 2020 was--

Liz: 2020?

Anika: --you know, let's just skip over that, we can call it the 25th.

Liz: 25th with an asterisk. Yeah, that makes sense, because I was born in '82. So I was thirteen in the summer of '95. Cool. Okay. I'm really glad that we got this sorted out.

Anika: I was like, okay, when did I graduate? I was trying to figure out exactly how old I was. And so yeah, so I looked up the air date and, yeah.

Liz: My very first memory of being aware of Voyager was a column about Genevieve Bujold quitting the role. And I had a scrapbook where I cut out and saved any Star Trek related articles that happened to cross my path. I saved this article because it was basically, overworked, underpaid journalist thinks that being a starship captain sounds much easier and doesn't know what Bujold was complaining about.

What I took from that column at age about twelve is, Ooooh, another Star Trek, and this one has a lady captain! I don't know if I can ship a lady captain because any of the crew will be subordinate to her in rank. Oh, well, I'll watch it anyway, and I'll probably like it. Anyway, when's seaQuest on?

And look where we are now.

Anika: That's so funny.

Liz: I think I was a weirdly sexist little kid, actually.

Anyway, thank you for listening to Antimatter Pod. You can find our show notes at antimatterpod.tumblr.com, including links to our social media and credits for our theme music.

You can also follow us on Twitter at @antimatterpod, and on Facebook, and every single episode I say I'm going to be better about sharing episodes on Facebook at every single support night I forget.

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And join us in two weeks, when we will be discussing the classic TOS episode "City on the Edge of Forever".

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Three Days ~ 55

~*~Sebastian~*~

I stared at her. Stunned. I'm not sure if it's how the conversation went or she wants me and whatever comes with me. Emma is so intentional. Her words carry meaning. She wants to be clear and asks for clarity. This is heaven for my overthinking brain. I’m not stuck wondering what she means nor am I afraid to ask. Because I know she'll answer. Really answer.

"I've got eight years on you, how are you the more mature one?"

"Stabilizing influence and frighteningly direct communication of my second dad."

The expression on her face and deadpanned delivery had me laughing. "I can see that. I'll be the emotionally reactive one and you can be the calming one." Then I remembered. "Although, Eli did tell a story about you laying into some guy in Hawaii at a volleyball game. Ed dumped you in the ocean. I wish there was video."

"There is. You'll have to get dad to send it to you."

Tuesday was a good day. Workout was hard and my abs were already sore, but we'd laughed a lot. Good phone call with mom. The house had come together, she was enjoying some time in the pool, and she'd picked up some piano students. My afternoon was spent in my manager, Emily's, office. Mostly she and I, but a few conference calls. I was about to be busy. The next six weeks I was more gone than home. I was excited about the work. Excited to see friends.

Admittedly, the timing wasn't the greatest, new relationship and all, but I was confident we'd figure it out. This is different. I'd like to say it was because my previous experience is whining and bitching about me being gone so long, knowing I was going to pay for the distance, and trying to front-load my leaving to make it more palatable. While all of those all true, the actual difference is I care. The emotionally unavailable hot and cold thing comes into play here. I put up a wall to block the whining and bitching, not really listening, because it's my job. Bitching at me isn’t going to change anything and I’m not going to feel guilty for doing my job. Well, I do, but it just pisses me off because I shouldn’t. The expectation of gifts, dinners, or a vacation to make up for being gone made those a lot less fun. And I was never successful at cramming a bunch of stuff in before I left, because my work didn't start when I left. It starts weeks before. I don’t leave for filming for a month, but I’m already prepping: gym reading, watching things, research, and studying the script. I get pretty singularly focused. I don't know any other way. And when pushed I shut down. I don't respond. I brood. And I appear cold. None of this is right. Some just is. Some is my fault. Getting to where I didn't care about her (any of the previous hers) feelings and concerns with me gone was a side effect of shutting down and I regret doing that. It wasn’t that I didn’t care about her feelings. It was feeling ineffectual to do anything about it and my self-protection kicking in. Looking back, saying effectively “deal with it” was incredibly insensitive. Not proud of it.

But now, sitting here looking at my schedule I’m finding places I can find some time for us. We’ll figure it out. I can tell you what won’t happen. Emma won't whine where I block her out. She's not going to emotionally blackmail me for things, which will make me want to give. And she’ll leave me alone to prep, let me bounce things off her, or cook something to remind me to eat. I need all of those. I care how Emma's going to feel about me being gone. I care about what we’ve begun and how we'll keep in touch. I also know that while I'm away she will carry on living the life she had before she had me and be just fine.

Emma had practice tonight and a game tomorrow. It was after eight when she called. She was in a tank top and her hair was wet from her shower. I caught up on her day before leading into mine. "I have good news and bad news."

"OK." Emma drug out the word, wary of my response.

"When I get back from Canada, I've got some time to spend with you. Then I’m gone for the month of July. Fashion show, audition and meetings, comic con, then filming in Rome." Playing off last night’s conversation, I added. "I'm not expecting a bad reaction."

"Well, that's good." Her hand moved toward the screen and I chose to believe she was touching my face. "I'II miss you, but I’m excited for you. And me getting to hear about what you're doing. Living vicariously."

I'd had some time to think. I had a lot of thoughts on plans. This was the soonest. "You get back Tuesday, doubleheader Wednesday, and I get back late Thursday. What's your weekend look like?"

"Empty. I'll come to you. You'll barely be home if you come here. I can come anytime Friday. I'll be done with work except maybe packing up my room. I can do that whenever."

"Early Friday. Thursday night." I wanted to maximize our time. "I have to do some work."

"I can amuse myself."

"Maybe the shop you liked so much will be having a sale?" I laughed at the way her eyes lit up. "July fourth weekend I'm at a fashion show. Wanna go to Paris?"

"What?" Her face moved closer to the screen. I’d surprised her.

"Not necessarily Paris, but near. The third is the show. Have you been to Paris?"

"Family spent the summer in Europe when we were thirteen. Then Pearl Jam tours. Love Paris."

"Not much more than a long weekend, but museums and I'm sure we can find some romantic Paris shit to do."

"I would love to go to Paris with you."

That was good because I'd already made reservations. "California for about two weeks then straight to Italy for at least that. Depends on how long shooting takes. Hopefully back in time to join you in Chicago. Then nothing until the end of August. Will and I had been talking about a group of us going away. We were waiting for my schedule. What do you think about a group trip and we stay a little longer or go off alone? It would be a beach somewhere."

"You going to rub sunscreen on me?"

"Um yay, part of my volleyball job. Beer bitch and sunscreen applier."

“I’m in."

"End of August is a Disney thing. Labor Day weekend is the Toronto Film Fest. Little stuff in there, nothing big. No idea past then."

She laughed, eyes wide, and moving her head in all directions "It's crazy like a tour schedule. I'm jealous. I love touring."

"I thought about Rome, but the schedule's tight. You wouldn't see me."

"I wasn't trying for an invite. I'll get some of my summer PD hours done so I won't have to worry about them. Make sure I've got time for us."

I leaned back on the couch, "That was easy."

She glared at me. "I thought you weren't expecting a bad reaction?"

I shook my head, "No, no, I wasn't. Just an observation. Thought I might have to talk you into the beach." I held it a second before smiling, "Not really. I do know it’s a lot."

"I will always go to a beach."

"You’re not allowed to play volleyball."

"Did you get the video from dad?"

"About an hour ago." I'd enjoyed it several times. "You're a feisty little thing."

Wednesday was a day of pictures and texts. After the gym, I settled in my extra room to prep. I had my laptop on the table, a stack of books on top of my script, and a huge bottle of water. I took a picture and posted it to Instagram along with one of me with a pencil between my teeth and pulling my hair.

Emma ~ How'd you get a picture of your expression during your last blow job?

Sebastian ~ Hidden camera in bedroom. You should see the other things I have. Coupling Season 1. "The Cupboard of Patrick's Love."

Emma ~ “You really don't have enough blood for both ends of your body, do you?"

Sebastian ~ Very good, Sally.

Love that she can quote one of my favorite shows.

After lunch, Emma posted a picture of her in the middle of a group hug with her students. "I'll miss my munchkins.” I sent a sad face emoji.

Then I fell into a hole. I got pulled into my research and reading and the next time I picked up my phone it was one a.m. I need time like this and put my phone on do not disturb. The only thing that comes through is two calls from the same number within a few minutes. Anyone important knows how to reach me. Emma knew, but she didn't. Not even when the Demonic Crickets won their game. She posted several pictures, but I got a much better one in a text. Emma with her back to the camera in her team tank, arm up flexing her bicep, and her looking over her shoulder smiling at me. The gold flecks in her eyes were sparkling and the darker ring made the green more intense.

Emma ~ Hope you're getting a lot done. Internally anyway. XOXO

Sebastian ~ * 12 hours later * Yeah, I did. I'm hungry. Congrats on the win. Picture is beautiful.

Sebastian ~ You're beautiful

Her thank you came while I was working out. After a shower, I fell back into my hole until it was time for therapy.

I'd been seeing Celie for a long time. Frequency varied. She had a dark brown bob, glasses, and a round face. At this point, I could read her as well as she could me. If she was looking at me over her glasses, she thought I was full of shit. No words needed. She was about ten years older than me and her style worked for me. It was a great one-sided friendship.

I took my regular spot on the blue couch, "How are you today, Celie?"

Celie smiled. She had the unconditional positive regard thing down. I say that, but she does genuinely like me. Most of the time. I can be a pain in the ass. "I've had a good day and after you I get to go home. You seem to be in a good mood. Tell what's going on with you, Seb."

I was always her last client of the day. Sometimes I needed more than an hour. "I am in a good mood. I met somebody. Last time I saw you I was going to help my parents move. I met Emma there. In a grocery store, if you can believe that."

"Sounds like you can't."

"I asked her to dinner in under fifteen minutes."

She widened her eyes in disbelief. Exactly my point. "Did you? Good for you, Seb. A complete stranger. What led you to ask her out?"

"I was all covered up and she tells me I looked like a rehab patient checking into the clinic up the road. But she was kind to me. A sketchy stranger. She didn’t know who I was until we were outside and I introduced myself. She helped me find the things on my list and we chatted." I put my hands in front of my chest, fingers splayed. "She felt good. I didn't know why, just enough that I knew I wanted to know more.”

“And what do you know now?”

I spent the next several minutes telling Celie the salient points. We’ve been doing this long enough that explaining isn’t necessary. She’ll recognize why things are important. My face hurt from smiling after I was finished talking about Emma. I stopped short of the whole conversation on Sunday.

“Besides the obvious early relationship high, how are you feeling about all this?”

“Good. Happy. Hopeful. The only concerning thing was Saturday I woke up from a night terror, panic attack. I got myself calmed down pretty quick, wrote for a while, and once Emma got up I went for a run.”

“Even with being happy, there’s been quite a bit of emotional activity. I’m pleased that you’ve only woken up once. Much better. What do you suspect triggered you?”

I took a deep breath, “Emma and I wound up in this conversation Sunday afternoon. A couple of my friends at the party had told her I wasn’t acting like I normally do with women, but more like I am with friends. This led to a conversation about my relationship issues. I’m not the same with her. She really doesn’t know that version of me. I think that’s why I had the anxiety. It was the night after the party but before the conversation. First time we’d been around my friends. I think it was not because I’m scared, but because I’m not. Like you said, there’s been a lot of emotional shit going on and I’m good. Remarkably good.”

“Why do you think that is?”

“Emma is different. She’s incredibly kind and is . . . gentle. Not weak though. She’s strong.”

Celie shook her head, “When I think of gentle people it’s a combination. They can be painfully truthful, but their manner makes others able to listen. They have a compassion for others.”

“Exactly! I noticed she knew everyone. She talked to everyone and used their name. I asked and she said she looked at their nametags and you never know what someone’s day has been. That might be the first nice thing that’s happened all day. I know it’s a little thing, but it’s her. She’s like that with me. She doesn’t try to talk me out of being anxious or overthinking. She doesn’t think my insecurities are stupid. They’re all just part of me.”

“She accepts you.”

“Right. The more we got to know each other, the more we talked, I felt safe. She doesn’t do those things I usually shut down over. I don’t feel the need to protect myself. She’s very different.” Celie was looking at me over her glasses. Uh oh. “You’re giving me the look.”

“Yes, I am.”

“Why? I thought I was doing good. I asked out a stranger and got this amazing woman.”

“Sebastian, as quick as you are to fault yourself, you’re slow to take credit.”

“Take credit?” I didn’t know what she was talking about.

She leaned forward, putting her elbows on her knees. “You think this relationship is different because of Emma. You lucked out and met an accepting, kind, gentle person.”

“Yes. No. Both. Emma is different and she makes me different.”

Celie made a loud, jarring beeping noise. This was new.

“Ok, I guess I’m wrong.”

“You are. Not completely. You’re not giving yourself enough credit. Any credit. You’ve worked very hard. You’ve read. You’ve journaled. You’ve talked. You’ve done things I’ve asked you to even if you didn’t understand or want to. I’ve seen you grow. To give responsibility for this relationship being different all to Emma is dangerous. What’s going to happen when she falls off this pedestal you’ve put her on? Is that going to be an excuse to shut down and protect yourself? Fall back on old habits.”

I could feel my eyebrows pulled down and the scowl on my face. “So you’re saying this isn’t as good as I think it is.”

“Not at all. I’m saying it’s got as much to do with you as it does her. Previously you would have never asked out a woman you met in a grocery. But that seems to be the furthest you’re going with how you’re different. I do not believe for one second that no other woman you’ve gone out with has been kind and accepting. Or would have been if you would have been able to show them you. You used to do things to test them. You’d say or do things to see how they’d react. As we’ve talked, you weren’t being real, so you don’t know that their reactions were.”

I nodded then looked down, “I know. Pretty manipulative.” I felt Celie’s hand on my arm and looked back up. Her face was very soft with a smile.

“Stop, Seb. You need to be proud of yourself. You are doing things differently. You have learned from your past, grown, and come a long way in accepting yourself. Warts and all. You have shown Emma who you are, even the parts you don’t like so much. She can have credit for how she’s responded to you, but you deserve the credit for being brave enough to show her in an honest and authentic way. That allowed her to respond in an equally honest and authentic way.”

I grabbed a tissue from the ever-present box on the table and wiped the wet from my face. Neither the first nor the last time I’d cry in this room.

"If you had met her even a year ago, with her exactly as she is now, this relationship would be very different."

"The wedding."

"Excuse me?"

Yeah, non sequitur. "I was supposed to go to a friend’s wedding last summer but didn't because there was a change in my shooting schedule. Emma was at the wedding. You're right. Had I met her then," I shook my head. “I wouldn't have been ready for her and now could have never happened."

Celie shrugged, "Probably not."

I sniffed and wiped my eyes, "How do I get her off this pedestal I’ve put her on?"

"You seem pretty smitten. Maybe not take her off, just lower it a little." I laughed and she went on. "What you do is own your part. You have been making choices to improve yourself. You have been making choices to go out of your comfort zone. And you have been making choices to let her know you. Emma's been making similar choices to be with you. I'm sure you know what she's come through to be where she is. It seems like you complement each other. Recognize this is both of you waking up and choosing to be with each other. Talk and negotiate what that means. Tell her what you want. And when you're not talking you listen. Listen to what she needs from you. The most important for you is to keep processing the feelings with her. She's the only one who can help those make a picture. And you need to give her the same gift. She has things she’s not so proud of and afraid for you to know about her. We all do. You will need to accept her and treat her with gentle kindness she gives you.”

I was crying again. "She told me. I told her she was different than the others. She asked if maybe I was different."

Celie snickered, "I like her."

"You would. She speaks therapy."

"I want to be very clear, Seb. She sounds wonderful and she may make you better. You sound wonderful and I bet you make her better too. That’s how it should work in a relationship. You help each other along. It takes two people with self-awareness making choices to do what it takes. You both have to choose growth, honestly, humility, vulnerability, and sacrifice. I hear you holding up your end. I’ve not heard you do this before. And while she may be the right woman, you've become the right man. Please, please, do not underestimate how much work you've put in to become the right man for another person.”

"I want to go home and cry for an hour or so."

"I wish Emma was here for you."

I shook my head with a grimace, "It's going to be ugly until I get it out."

"Yes. I think Emma would want to be there to hold you and you'd find more acceptance and comfort in that than you can imagine."

At home, I grabbed a beer, sank down in my favorite chair, and cried. I felt everything all at once but fought to untangle the threads. Sad was remnants of the past and dissipated quickly. Its friends regret and shame fought a little harder to stick around, but they were toxic and needed to go. Pride and relief were together too. Celie was right. I had worked hard. An infinite number of hours had gone into figuring myself out. There have been so many times I thought I'd be stuck forever. Sometime in the last two years that I've been without a girlfriend, all the work must have come together. In the last two years I've been filming almost nonstop. Five movies have come out. Two of which were Marvel circuses. It's like all the therapy (and the work that goes with it) knitted me back together while I was busy filming and living my life. Celie had told me to trust the process. I couldn't rush it or make changes happen before it was time. Patience. I am inherently impatient. Pride was for the work. Relief was for seeing results. Finally.

Next was happy. I’m in a good place. I'm excited about the movie I’m making. I have supportive, fun friends, and a loving family. I don't need a girlfriend to be happy, but one does bring everything together. I like having a person who is mine. Mine in the sense of us experiencing life together. The good and bad. I like that. I want that. And now I have it. The beginnings of it, anyway.

After I pulled my shit together, I wanted to talk to Emma. I wanted support. Maybe not support, but I felt raw. I wanted someone to soothe the raw nerves, to sit with me while all this new stuff integrated. I wish she was here. What I needed was a hug.

Sebastian ~ Can you talk?

I don't like that I asked. It feels insecure and I have zero reasons to feel insecure. I quickly decided to cut myself some slack.

My phone rang and I connected to FaceTime. "Hey." Her bright smile and obvious happiness to see me did wonders to soothe those raw nerves.

Emma's face went from a smile to wide-eyed concern. "Sebastian, what’s wrong? You look like you've been crying. What happened?" Before I could answer, she jumped to a correct conclusion. "You had therapy. Good, bad, or cathartic tears?"

"Mostly the last one."

Her hand went to her chest, "Ok." She picked up what I assumed was her iPad and crossed to the chair in her bedroom. I could see her pull her knees up when she put her feet on the ottoman. She rested the iPad on her knees.

"Mostly a repeat of what we talked about Sunday. Celie said I wasn't giving myself enough credit for the work I've done. My growth."

As Emma had alluded to the same thing, I expected a smile or some acknowledgment of her asking if I was different. Instead, I got, "What do you think?"

"I think I still need to work on not being so hard on myself." I smiled because that statement was me still being hard on myself. "When Celie pointed out how I've changed I could see it and was proud of myself. I can’t see it on my own yet, but I'll get there. I never thought anyone would get past my walls. It wasn't someone getting in, it was me getting out." More goddamned tears.

Emma reached out and touched the screen. "I‘m so happy for you. Proud of you too."

Her words felt like a hug. Close enough for now. "Thank you."

"I know you're a grown man, but I wish I was there. Crying alone sucks."

"Oh," I laughed a little, "the chances of us having a messy reunion are high."

"Why?"

"A lot of you and I talk today. I know me, it's gonna hit me when I see you."

"I should warn you. I have a strict policy that nobody cries alone in my presence."

I smiled at her exaggerated southern accent with the "Steel Magnolias" quote. "See ... gonna be messy."

#Sebastian Stan #sebastian stan fanfiction #fanfiction

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starker-stories · 5 years

Text

House Stark

Also on AO3

Yet another one inspired by one of the amazing moodboards by @starker-sorbet

(I’ve got a series on AO3 for them)

Runway model Peter, and a demanding designer Tony, during Paris fashion week for anon. Click on the link and go see how beautiful it is.

Tags: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Fashion & Models, Modeling, Model Peter Parker, Designer Tony Stark, Asshole Tony Stark, Apprentice Asshole Peter Parker, But they're adorable assholes, Unless you ask the models and stylists

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“Five changes! Are you kidding me” Peter threw the schedule onto the floor.

“Most of us have three, but there are some fours on the list.” Simon flipped through the schedule for the fashion show. “Paris is always run tightly.”

“I have FIVE!”

“That’s because you walk formal. You end the fucking show. Quit complaining,” Andrew groused.

“He’s left you enough time,” Simon pointed out. “You’re second, eighth, thirteenth, nineteenth, twenty-fifth, which is final.”

“None of which is enough time! Especially nineteen to twenty-five!”

“You’re just slow, Parker.”

The other models made themselves scarce or tried to look busy when Mr. Stark brushed past to stand in front of Peter. He was sprawled in a folding chair, in nothing but his briefs, like all the other models.

“If it’s a problem…” Tony turned to the room and his gaze landed on a different model. “Andrew — I can’t be bothered to remember your last name even though I fucked you two years ago… I think — I know you’re twentieth to Parker’s nineteen, do you think you can get into formal by twenty-five and close the show?”

“Umm…” Andrew started, swallowing deeply trying to hide his embarrassment.

Tony Stark scoffed. “You’re useless. In bed, too. Now I remember you. I stopped fucking around after you. Got tired of getting bad head. Wasn’t worth the effort anymore.” He made a dismissive wave.

He shouted again so that those who were hiding could hear. “None of you should take more than three looks for a change. I’ve scheduled enough time. I could’ve done everything but formal in two. Formal in three.”

“We’re not all you,” Peter muttered, almost silently, under his breath. He didn’t raise his head from scrolling on his tablet.

“That’s not what Vogue Hommes said when they wrote that they hadn’t seen anyone as ‘electrifying’ on the runway since I walked eighteen years ago. ‘The next Tony Stark’, I believe was the quote.” Tony snorted. “I’ll just call Azza and inform him of the mistake.”

Peter leapt to his feet and brought himself up to (a good four inches below) Tony’s height. “I can’t do it!” he shouted. “You do it! Right now. Go on.” He pulled out his phone and found the clock app. “I’m timing you. Go change from your absolutely amazing look nineteen into the ridiculous piece of pretentious crap you’ve got for your formal offering at twenty-five.”

Tony blinked wide-eyed and pulled his head back. “My what‽” Backstage emptied. Fast. Completely.

“You heard me. You’re whoring out your talent to get pages in the magazines. It’s not ‘innovative’, it’s not ‘breaking’, it’s not any of the things that your PR department will pay them to say. It’s,” Peter took a step forward, “pretentious.”

“You’re off the runway, Parker!”

Peter scoffed. “Call someone forty-five minutes to show, get him styled into this stupid hair and makeup that ruins the classic simplicity of your designs — I swear to god, why do you listen to the stylists that your people recommend? — it’s your fucking house! quit being so hands-off! — and then tell him that he’s got to rehearse FIVE changes before the music starts.”

“I’m not interested in your opinions. You’re a walking mannequin.” Tony tapped the center of Peter’s forehead. “Hollow inside, like all models.”

“Like yourself then, since you started on the runway when you were fifteen! Same age as I did.”

“Yeah, and now I’m forty-two and you’re twenty. A few more years’ experience in the business, kid. Maybe I know a little bit more about setting trends than you do. I’ve been heading my own house for eleven years.”

“And it shows.” Peter said derisively. Tony frowned. Peter explained. “You’re bored. You’re not setting trends, you’re catering to them.” He pulled a Sharpie from Tony’s pocket and picked up the schedule again, x-ing through the pictures. “This, this, this, this, and oh my fucking god, especially this. To say nothing of the formal. They’re unworthy of your name.”

Tony snatched the pages from Peter’s hand and, against his better judgement, glanced at them. He tried not to let it show, but the kid had marked every one of his designs that he hated. Including that goddamn formal.

“I told you!” Peter said, noticing Tony wince. “It’s crap and you know it!”

“Six out of twenty-five looks. Nineteen good ones. Most designers would kill to hit that number.”

Peter shrugged his head to the side. “Well, if you’re okay with it…”

Tony breathed out heavily and dragged his hand through his hair. “Forty-five minutes to show. Like you said. Forty-three, since I’ve had to waste two of them listening to you. What?” he asked, noticing Peter glaring at him.

“Delete everything but the formal.” Peter scribbled through the x-ed out designs.

“The formal’s just as crap as the rest,” Tony admitted, since there was no one back there to hear.

“Rework it.” Tony’s eyebrows shot up. “Or aren’t you good enough to do a baste in forty-two minutes?” Peter challenged.

“Here!” Tony flapped the schedule in Peter’s direction. “Eliminate the five designs you marked. Salvage as many pieces from the five to make one decent look out of them, giving me twenty not nineteen including my reworked formal. Reschedule the models to give everyone three looks. Kick the excess to the curb. You get to tell them why.” Tony yanked the formal’s hanger off the rack. “And you still walk five out of twenty.” He headed out of the models’ backstage area. “Oh! And fix the stylist’s mistakes.” He called over his shoulder as he checked his watch. “In forty minutes.”

Absolutely no one was happy. Not the models, and especially not the stylists. Everyone demanded to know who told Peter Parker to give the orders.

“I did!” Tony shouted from the office, hearing the commotion.

It made no one the least little bit happier, only shifted the complaints from asking who told Peter to do it, to why Peter was the one doing it. Especially after the revelation about Andrew.

Tony shouted again to the DJ to eliminate enough music to accommodate the shorter show. And again for Peter to come to the office.

“Problems, Parker?” he asked, without looking up as he furiously ripped stitches out of the pants.

“Yes! You just took a minute off my schedule!”

Tony laughed as Peter ran backstage again.

“For NOTHING!” Peter shouted louder.

Peter was still scheduled for five looks. It was tight, but doable, especially if Mr. Stark reworked formal right this time. His schedule gained him no friends because his generosity with himself left others with tight changes. He shrugged it off. They weren't also trying to manage backstage at the same time. He’d eliminated four models entirely. All of whom, he reminded the remaining complainers, were standing outside waiting for the opportunity to work. Two of the cut were his friends, but their look wasn’t in keeping with Mr. Stark’s styles, no matter what whoever hired them thought. He knew he’d lost their friendship. He didn’t have time to worry about that. He was still arguing with the lead stylist, who was complaining about the changes. He shouted the question if the remaining three could handle the work. Receiving affirmatives, he kicked the lead out.

Between his tenth and fourteenth looks, which was an easy change, he ran back to the office and paced outside the door.

“You’re wearing a hole in the floor, Parker. What!” Tony shouted.

“Formal!” Peter shouted back. Both of them were far louder than they should’ve been mid-show.

“It’ll be ready by seventeen!”

“Need it sooner!”

“Get the fuck out there Peter,” Tony said, quieter, “that’s your cue.”

“Yeah,” Peter said, rushing for the curtain.

The formal looked completely different by the time Peter got into it. Tony helped him in order to avoid catching the loose basting threads on his fingers and toes.

“Go, go, go!” Tony said, pushing at the small of Peter’s back as Peter was slipping into the shoes.

“For fuck’s sake, Tony,” Peter muttered. “I’m going.”

Peter returned back from the end of the runway and the music shifted cues for the designer bow. Tony walked out and instead of just taking the usual quick bow, he grabbed Peter’s hand and took a few steps out onto the stage.

Tony raised their hands together and guided Peter to take a bow with him. At the end of it, he pulled Peter close. He grabbed Peter by the chin and kissed him. Not a quaint little European smooch on the cheeks, but full on the lips. Open mouthed. With tongue.

It left Peter stunned. Until he saw Tony smirk as they walked to the curtain opening to leave the stage. He ran his fingers up into Tony’s hair, pulled him down and kissed him back. The same way. Only filthier.

“Want a new job, Parker?” Tony asked breathlessly.

“Working for you? Not on my life.”

Tony’s smirk was back as he slipped his hand behind Peter’s waist. “That’s what I thought you’d say. Make sure everything’s ready for the trucks. We have to vacate in an hour before the next show gets here.”

“All right,” Peter said calmly, and then headed backstage, shouting far less than calmly.

“It looked good though, right, Pete?” Tony shouted after him.

“Yeah, Tony. It looked great.”

#starker #Von writes stuff

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

Text

“I’ve got my fuzzy socks on and I’m ready for summer”

You arrive in New York at 10 AM. What's the first thing you do? Find a nice, cute cafe to get a coffee and pastry from and chill at for a bit while sorting out my plans for the day. You go by your locker & your bf/gf is cheating on you. What comes to mind? I’m not in school anymore, but hypothetically I’m sure I would feel a lot of emotions--angry, hurt, upset, confused... like wtf?? And damn, right in front of everyone, too? That would be humiliating.

You have to take out the trash & clean your room. Your reaction? I’m 31 years old, you gotta do that kinda stuff when you’re adult. I don’t personally take out the trash because it would be really difficult for me to do in a wheelchair, but I have other stuff I have to do. I don’t particularly enjoy it, it just is what it is.

How many siblings do you have? I have two brothers.

Have you ever made fun of a homeless/ mentally challenged person? No. What a shitty thing to.

Make up a funny word with your first name in it. I don’t know.

Do you like campfires? Yes. I love the smell, it makes me think of fall. And just the coziness of it.

What's your favorite color to write with? Black.

Do you write poetry? No.

When's your 20th birthday? [Day & Month is fine. Year if you want.] I turned 20 back in July 2009.

Do you spit in public? Ew, no. I don’t spit at all except for when rinsing my mouth after brushing my teeth. It makes me gag seeing people spit. I also have to watch out for that when wheeling around outside because I would DIE if it got on my wheels and then me. akjkslfjldsfjkldsfjkl. I’m going to throw up just thinking about it.

Are you in high school/middle school/college? I’m done with school.

How many push ups can you do? Zero.

How would you react if your cat/dog died? I’ve been through that twice before with my doggos, it’s absolutely heartbreaking and devastating. My dogs are my family. It’s no different than losing any loved one; they’re a loved one, too. I had a really hard time when my dog, Brandie, passed. It was so sudden and unexpected.

Are you trustworthy? Yes.

“when I make it shine...”

Do you play video games often? I’ve been playing Animal Crossing just about everyday since earlier this year. Prior to that, I’ve played a few other games in their entirety since having my Nintendo Switch that I got over a year ago.

Do you like life, love, funny or boy quotes the best? I like # relatable quotes.

Have you ever been cheated on? No.

Have you ever had fruit pizza? No.

Would you like to learn karate? No.

Do you think it would have been cool to live in the 80s? Maybe.

Do you think we'll have robots in the future? They’re already a thing, they’re just not like easily, readily available to everyone like a Rosie from The Jetsons or something.

Was the sun out today? Not yet cause it’s 5:54AM and it’s still pitch black, but it will be.

Do you know what 143 stands for? “I love you.”

Does it get up to 100 degrees where you live? Ugh, yes. And higher. D:

When you play video games, do you like the sound on or off? I generally have it low or off.

When's the last time you saw fireworks? Fourth of July.

Do you like Dr. Pepper? Yeah.

Will you be seeing the new Transformer movie? I never saw any of them. Not my thing.

What made this week, one to never forget? Election 2020 will be talked about forever. This year in its entirety will be, but this election was a huge one.

“Tell me why you’re leaving me”

Did you wear shorts today? I don’t wear shorts.

Do you own a fur hat? No.

Do you still use the old time mail? I still receive mail, yes. I pretty much never send anything, though.

Have you ever played flag football? Yeah.

What color is your laptop? It’s silver.

Do you like Paris Hilton? I don’t have anything against her.

Did you smile at all today? Not so far, but it’s only 6AM.

Do you have an Xbox? My brother does and I’ve used it.

When you were little did you have a magic 8 ball? Yeah.

Have you ever ate grass or birdseed? Eww, no. I wasn’t the kid that stuck everything in their mouth or ate weird stuff.

Do you and your friends have secret codes? I don’t have any friends.

Have you ever seen the Lincoln Memorial? Not in person.

What's your profile picture on Facebook of? Me with my It/Pennywise mask on. It’s his mouth.

Do you own a yo-yo? No.

What celebrity is your fashion icon? I don’t have a fashion icon.

“How do you love someone without getting hurt?”

Do you hope you live to be the age 70 or older? I don’t want to think about dying.

Did you go to preschool? Yep.

Do you usually wear your hair up when it's hot out? Yeah. I wear my hair up all the time cause I don’t have the energy or motivation to do anything else with it.

Where were you when 9/11 happened? I was bedridden at home because I had spinal surgery a couple weeks prior.

Which would you rather play: guitar or drums? Guitar.

Have you ever gotten detention? No.

When you were little, did you used to watch Franklin? Yeah. Aww, he’s adorable.

What's the most exciting thing that's happened during your lifetime? 9/11 and this pandemic are definitely the most memorable, but I wouldn’t use the term “exciting” to describe them. A few of our blizzards, perhaps. <<< Yeah, definitely not exciting, but certainly major, life changing, go-down-in-history events.

How high can you count in a foreign language? I could go on and on in Spanish like I could English, but let’s be real I’d stop at 100 haha.

What's the best thing to do on a hot day? Stay indoors with the AC or go to the beach.

Would you like to go to Rome? Sure.

Do you use Febreeze? Sometimes. I prefer my Bath & Body Works room sprays, though.

Have you ever been to a rainforest? No.

How many days of school are left for you? I’m done with school.

How do you usually get tan? That only happens when I go to the beach. Sadly, I didn’t get to go this year.

“Last name ever, first name greatest”

Snickers or Twix? I like both.

Have you ever tried to sleep on an airplane? I tried, but couldn’t.

When you were little, did you like Dr. Suess books? Yes. Those are classics.

Are you more afraid of snakes or death? Both are scary to me, but death is just a little more serious...

Would you like to go to Australia? Sure.

Do you like Drake? Yeah, I like a lot of his songs.

What color are your headphones? Black.

Do you live in the past? Yes. :/

When it's spring, do you plant flowers? No. I don’t do any gardening.

Have you ever laughed for 10 minutes? I don’t think I ever have for that long.

Do you help your friends every time they need help? I tried to as much as I could.

Ever seen a Koala Bear up close? No.

Would you rather be blind or deaf? I’d obviously rather not be either one...

Once your done, are you done for good? Really depends on what I’m attempting to be done with.

Does it annoy you when girls wear a lot of make up? No? I don’t why I would care.

“Blow the world a kiss”

Do you live by a river? No.

Do you like being outside when it's storming? I like enjoying it from inside.

Ever thought about becoming a cop? No. A cop in a wheelchair... that’d be interesting.

Have you ever tried sushi? Ew, it’s disgusting.

When you were little, did you use to roll down hills? No.

Do you like store bought cakes or homemade ones better? I’d enjoy either one.

Do you think your a good kisser? No. Now I’m really out of practice.

Do you like long or short sleeves better? I like my sleeves to be like halfway from my elbow if that makes sense. Not a quarter sleeve, but a bit above that. Unless it’s cold, then I like long sleeves. I love when the sleeves are long enough to be able to pull down over my hands, but it’s hard to get the perfect fit when you have long arms like I do.

Do you like the name Jacob for a boy? Sure.

Could you live without electricity? Like, for how long? It would be a struggle, no denying that. I’ve never experienced going more than a few hours without it. I know people have to experience long periods without it sometimes or not have it at all, so I’m definitely fortunate.

Have you ever ate/drank something that was blue? Blue Gatorade, Pepsi Blue, the blue Mountain Dew, Kool-Aid, blue candies and cakes.

When is your last day of summer this year? I’m not in school, so no summer break anymore. However, summer is over and it has just recently started to feel like fall, so I’m quite happy about that.

Would you rather hang out with people who are loud or quiet? Quiet.

Have you ever had a pet turtle? No.

Do you want an iPad? Nah.

“You look like you want to party”

Are you double jointed? My thumbs are.

Have you ever done karaoke? Definitely not publicly, but at home.

What's your middle name? I’m not sharing that.

Do you wish on stars? No. I did when I was a kid.

Do you recycle? We recycle plastic bottles and cans.

Do you believe in love at first sight? No.

What's something you'll do when your older, but not now? I don’t know. Are you currently drinking anything? I’m finishing a Starbucks Doubleshot energy drink.

What color is your shirt? Black.

Have you ever played laser tag? Nope.

Does your best friend live within 5 minutes from you? My mom and I live together.

If you got dared to dye your hair purple, would you? No. I dye my hair red and I want to keep it that way. It would be a big, annoying process to do another color and then to go back if I wanted, so nah.

How many contacts do you have in your cell phone? Not many.

Do you own earmuffs? No. It doesn’t get cold enough for them here.

Nothing worse than being sunburnt, don’t you agree? I’ve experienced much worse, but they are awful.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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laadychat · 5 years

Text

PM pt. 5

"So I told Alya I was going away for the weekend and she thought it was weird you were, too."

Nino casually mentioned as he laid across Marinette's chaise and flipped through a fashion magazine. It was the day of their trip and all that was left was for Kim to bring their ride.

At that, the bluenette groaned. "Please tell me you didn't tell her it was a family trip."

Pausing mid-flip, Nino glanced at her with wide eyes. "Uh, I'm assuming you did too?"

"Nino..." Signing, Marinette straightened up from her spot on her chair and waved her hand. "There's nothing else we can do now. Let's just hope Kim said something else."

"In my defense, it was the first time she asked where I was going!" He rolled his eyes and went back to the booklet in his hands. "Apparently bike shorts are a huge thing now. And snake prints."

"I would pay good money to see you in bike shorts and a snake printed shirt." Marinette snorted before pointing to the door leading to her balcony. "Mind unlocking that? Adrien is suppose to drop by in a few."

"How much you wanna bet that he'll be chased by a mob today? Have you seen the photos of him?" Not a second after Nino unlocked the door was it yanked open. Tumbled in Adrien, already trying to stuff cheese in Plagg's mouth.

"Why do people still love that prefume ad? It was months ago!" He grumbled, before sprawling out on Marinette's bed.

The bluenette chuckled before returning her attention back to the sewing machine. "So I'm assuming you didn't actually see the new Agreste magazine that came out this morning?"

The blonde boy blinked before sitting up. "You mean... the photoshoot I did last week..."

It was Nino this time who snorted before throwing the said magazine at his friend. "And I must say, hotshot," he shot him a wink. "you're looking mighty fine."

Plagg snickered, making his way towards Marinette and landed beside her hand. "They told him to try and do 'smoldering'." He then flew away, landing on a little space Marinette created for him and Tikki. The latter simply smiled before drifting off to sleep once again.

At that, Adrien let out a long whine, burying himself under the pigtailed girl's blanket. "I don't want to see that cursed thing. Can we please forget this and move on? New day, new book."

Nino picked up the magazine and flipped through it until he found the page he was looking for. "A, listen to this. 'Paris' sunshine boy turned to a Paris' heartthrob prince.'" He stiffled a laugh, reading through a few more quotes. "What do you say, Prince Adrien?"

Peeking out from his safe haven, Adrien narrowed his eyes. Getting up, he started to climb down the bed stairs. "Can I see that, Nino?"

The said teen simply shook his head and backed away. "This is too good to give up, Adrien. I haven't even saved this on my background yet!"

"I just want to see how the photos turned out, homie. Just," he lunged at Nino, missing him by mere centimeters. "Let me see the magazine!"

Marinette watched the scene unfold in front of her and shook her head. Ever since the reveal, things were definitely a bit weird between all of them. Adrien spent any time he could over at the Dupain-Cheng bakery and now that Nino and Kim knew about his superhero identities, the four of them were almost always glued at the hip. If anything, it made her happy to know her partner had people he could fully trust.

(Alya definitely knew something was up but nonetheless, was happy to see Marinette getting along with Adrien well. It just irked her just how well they were getting along.)

Nino, again, happened to be more of the odd ball. He wasn't really part of the whole royal gig and nor was he a full-time miraculous wielder. He stumbled upon both stories accidentally but so far had proved he could be trusted. So, of course he was in the loop of anything that was done.

A crash was heard and suddenly Marinette was brought back to what was going on in front of her. Adrien had managed to tackle Nino to the ground but looking around her room, there was definitely more than a few casualties. Jumping up, she quickly strode towards them a forcibly separated them by grabbing Adrien and pulling him away. "Okay, play time is over boys. I want this room spotless before my parents have a heart attack."

Both boys stared at each other, one grinning and the other scowling. And when it looked like they were going to tackle each other again, Marinette cleared her throat.

Once she was sure they wouldn't attack each other again, she flopped down on her chaise. They had only thirty minute left until Kim was to show up and escort her. And if there was one thing about Kim she knows he doesn't mess around with is their transportation between the countries. He would be very upset if they were running even a few minutes late.

"So, I'm doing patrol all alone, m'lady?"

The blonde boy sat on the floor next to the chaise, his chin on the hand he laid next to her.

She sighed and ran her fingers through his hair. "Sorry, kitty. Text me if there's an akuma attack and I'll use the horse miraculous to transport back, okay?"

He nodded but Marinette knew him well enough he wasn't exactly happy with this idea. And she hated it too- it never felt right to leave her partner so vulnerable. But as long as she's able to utilize that miraculous, all should be fine, right?

And within a few minutes and a transformation, Marinette and Nino were once again left alone.

And like usual, Nino was the first to break the silence. "Marinette, I'm telling you, he's totally into you."

Shoulders slumped, the pigtailed girl sighed. "Do you honestly believe so?"

"Dude, I knew he was into you before I found out y'all were our saviors. He's definitely into you."

"Not now, Nino. One thing a time, yeah?" She muttered as she made her way to the door. "Let's go before Kim drags our asses out."

Nino wasn't entirely happy with the change of topic but it was clear Marinette was stressed out over it so he dropped it. "You know, I've seen how he plans these trips and it's insane. Everything has to completely precise or he gets so pissed."

"Understandable, his family has to make sure we reach our destination safely. I just wish he would step back a bit sometimes."

"Alright, your highness." a voice called out once they've reached the livingroom and by the laughter heard in the voice, it immediately lowered her nervousness. "All aboard the Mayani express."

@heldtogetherbysafetypins @jeminiikrystal @jayverca @luciferge @edeniz001 @actual-disaster-human @alwaysinstoryland

#ml #ml fics #miraculous ladybug fics #miraculous ladybug and chat noir #miraculous ladybug #chat noir #marinette dupain-cheng #marinette #adrien #nino #kim #laadychat fics

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akfanficlove · 4 years

Text

“Double Feature” - #SeblaineWeek2020

Written for Seblaine Week 2020 – Power Couple

Check out all of my other Seblaine-stories here at AO3 :)

Blaine getting his first feature on Broadway.com and Sebastian being part of the interview. Also, since Santana was one of my favorite characters on Glee and Naya Riveras sudden death and the thought of her baby boy really breaks my heart, in honor of Naya I gave her character a special place in this fic. I hope she feels the love.

“Sebastian, I can’t find my other shoe! Have you seen my other shoe?” Sebastian sighs and puts his phone down. He has been ready for a good 15 minutes, waiting for Blaine to get dressed.

“Sebastian!”

He gets up to go their bedroom where he finds Blaine frantically searching through his closet, shirt still unbuttoned and halfway tucked into his pants. And right there, next to their bed, the missing shoe. He goes over and bends down, grabbing the shoe and handing it to Blaine. There is a nervous energy bouncing from his boyfriend that he hasn’t seen since they moved in with each other six months ago, a year after he came back from Paris.

“B, it’s only an interview, you’ve done this before, remember?” He sees Blaine’s eyes widen in shock.

“Excuse you, it’s not only an interview, Sebastian! It’s my very first feature for Broadway.com, it is huge to get this at my age!”

Sebastian holds up his hands in surrender. “I didn’t mean it like that, I know it’s a big deal. But didn’t you say you talked to the journalist on the phone and she seemed rather nice? Isn’t she even kind of a fan?”

Blaine frowns. “She seemed very nice. Very familiar and impressed with my work, yes. But she’s not a fan, I think if she was, she would not be allowed to do that interview in the first place. Some kind of journalistic standards or something…”

“Makes sense”, Sebastian agrees. “You ready now?”

“Yes!”, Blaine beams at him and starts to make his was down the corridor while he buttons up his shirt. “What are you waiting for? Let’s go, we have an interview to give, Seb!”

When they arrive at the hotel, there are a few fans outside. They still have a few minutes and Blaine usually goes out of his way to take care of his fans – signs t-shirts and Playbills, smiles for pictures and accepts compliments with a shy smile. Sebastian is usually pretty annoyed when strangers approach him. He doesn’t get as much attention as Blaine, his bit of modeling for fashion magazines more a hobby he gets paid for than a career path he wants to follow full-time. No, he is really happy with his position at the advertisement agency he started with Hunter and Beat four months ago. It had taken a while to get everything worked out, their personalities clashing in more than one way, but in the end they each found their places in the general construct of their firm.

Still, Blaine always seems to have a soft spot for his admirers, his smile big, his eyes sparkling with gratitude and awe that someone recognizes him and likes him enough to want to talk to him.

After the small group of people seems satisfied for the moment, Blaine makes his excuses, turns around and grabs Sebastian’s hand. Together, they enter the hotel and look around. On a table in a quieter area of the lobby two women, one of them with short brown hair, olive skin and a camera bag in her lap. The other woman has long, dark red hair and silver rimmed glasses, pen and paper sitting in front of her on the table. As if she feels Sebastian’s gaze, she looks up and her face breaks out in a genuine smile. He pulls Blaine closer to the table when he sees the redhead get up and take a few steps in their direction.

“Blaine Anderson! It’s so good to finally meet you, I really am happy that we could both make this work”, she says shaking Blaine’s hand. Then she looks at Sebastian. “And you must be Sebastian Smythe, right? I loved your latest shooting for Vogue, you look very great in black and white – or, well”, she looks him up and down, “in color, too, obviously.” She smiles at him. A little superficial, Sebastian thinks, but he’s not one to turn down a compliment.

“I’m Alexandra – Alex is fine – and this is Chiara, my photographer. Please, sit down, guys!”

They both sit down on the table as Chiara gets up to adjust the setting for the pictures later.

“I’m well aware that you are kind of a pro by now in giving interviews but just let me talk you through how I do it: I have a colorful bunch of questions prepared for you but if you can’t answer one of the right away, take your time or let me rephrase it – this isn’t television and we are not daily business, we have a lot more time than my colleagues in the news usually do”, she says and smiles cheekily. “I try to take notes during our conversation, so there might be some pauses in between when I finish writing after you finished talking and I say this because it’s okay and it doesn’t have to feel awkward. It should take about an hour, then I’ll hand you to the very talented Chiara for some photos. As soon as we are done with the article and everything is approved by my bosses and ready to be printed – which should be in, I don’t know, 2 or 3 weeks, probably– I’ll e-mail you the quotes I used for fact checking. We have limited space to I’d be very grateful if you wouldn’t use that to rewrite the whole story”, she laughs, “but if there is something I didn’t get right or where you have the feeling I misunderstood when I tried to make sense of my thousands of pages of writings – please let me know. Oookay, that’s it, I guess. Any more questions before we begin?”

Alex looks at them expectantly. She has light blue eyes, framed long lashes that can be seen through her glasses and Sebastian thinks, maybe she really is different from all those more-paparazzi-than-journalists-bimbos that try to turn everything into a scandal who Sebastian meets occasionally.

“Okay, then. First of all, Blaine – wait, is it alright if I call you by your first name? Good, great. So, Blaine, your first big Broadway-show just came to an end for you – is there a way to describe how that feels?”

Blaine sits up a little straighter. His nerves might have calmed down when Alex explained how this things would go but Sebastian sees his fingers fidgeting with his sleeves. Sebastian grabs his right hand and slips his fingers through. He receives a thankful smile.

“It’s definitely hard to put it into words. I’m incredibly sad to leave the cast and I loved the role of Ryan. But there is also this side of me that wants to explore and try new things and is excited for what’s to come. Both sides are fighting a war inside of me, seriously, and the jury’s still out on who will win”, Blaine laughs nervously.

“Talking about new things: Rumor has it your newest project reunites you with one of your old friends from Ohio, TV-star Santana Lopez?”

“Yes! I guess, it’s official now, so I can finally talk about it. Santana and I will work together for a short film and she’ll actually come live with us for the 2 months which are planned for shooting. She usually lives in LA and we all know, New York rents are high, so we offered. It will be…” Blaine hesitates and shoots a look at Sebastian. “It will be interesting to live with her, I think.”

Alex’ head peaks up and she stops scribbling. “That was a very meaningful look there. What’s the story? Not so happy with your decision anymore?”

Sebastian smiles. “No, that’s not it. Santana is just a wild ride and some people – “ He looks at Blaine. “Some people might dare to say that we are very similar in certain ways and that together we can be quite a lot.”

Blaine sighs and grins. “Seriously, we both love her, she’s so much fun but Santana and Seb have a special kind of relationship founded on deep respect for each other’s wit and snotty remarks. And when they really start with their banter, they can be a lot to take in and you better get out of their way.”

“Yet”, Alex says, “you offered her to stay with you. So, there must be something you like in her?”

“Oh, there is so much I admire about her! I mean, she’s fierce, she doesn’t take crap from anyone and she really taught me to advocate for myself. When we went to school together, we weren’t extremely close but she was always there, you know? No matter what. Maybe with a loving insult on her lips but deep inside she really cared. I think, that’s probably why we stayed in touch even when I transferred back to my old school.” With each phrase Blaine had gotten more excited which ended with him now sitting on the edge of his chair, leaning in and supporting himself with his elbow on the table.

Alex seems amused by this sudden outburst but she doesn’t say anything. “Since we’re talking about your school life, you transferred three times in four years of high school, right?”

Blaine nods.

“That seems like a lot…”

Blaine blushes lightly but holds her gaze. “Yes, I guess it does when you see it written down on a paper. To be honest, I don’t think about it like that. For me, it was the right decision every single time I made it. I spend most of my high school time at Dalton Academy in Westerville, though, the same school Seb attended and the school were we fell in love with each other. After a lot of high school rivalry and Sebastian being a stupid brat – “, he smiles, “and me being stubborn and a little careless, maybe, but in the end, we found each other and that’s what matters.”

“A stupid brat, huh?” Alex laughs.

“A stupid brat. You may quote that”, Blaine confirms with a cheeky glance to Sebastian. Sebastian just huffs. He still feels uncomfortable when his asshole-actions of his lesser glory high school days are mentioned.

“So, what about the other two schools? When Dalton obviously seems to be so important to you.”

“It is. Well, I attended William McKinley High School in Lima between Dalton and Westerville Central High before I went to Dalton. It’s not easy for me to tell this but I transferred to Dalton after some stupid people decided that being openly gay in Ohio was obviously something that could be punched out of someone and they tried that theory on me, so to speak.” Blaine lowers his gaze. He sounds angry more than still hurt. Sebastian squeezes his hand and slides as close as he can in his chair.

Alex stops scribbling and looks at Blaine with wide eyes full of empathy like she understands what Blaine is admitting out of a sudden. She puts down her pen and paper. “Blaine, if you need a minute…? And remember, you can just say, you don’t want to answer and we’ll go on.” She looks genuinely sorry that she touched such a delicate subject by accident.

Blaine takes a deep breath and sits up straight again. “No, it’s okay. Please, I want to tell this story.” Alex takes her pen again and nods. “Okay. So, what do you mean when you say that someone tried to punch being gay out of you?”

Sebastian feels Blaine’s fingers tremble a little but his voice is strong when he tells Alex the story of the Sadie Hawkins dance.

It was one of the little secrets Blaine whispered to him years ago in the comfort of the dark when they were laying squeezed into his small bed in the Dalton dorms. Back then, he couldn’t see but feel the tears rolling down Blaine’s cheek silently when he told him about the flashbacks he kept having for weeks afterwards, how he flinched when anyone touched him and about Dalton’s strict bullying-police that made him feel secure for the first time in forever when he actually saw it executed 2 weeks after he started at the school. He told him about the Warblers, the brothers who took care of his fractured mind and heart after his broken bones were already healed, about Wes and David who Sebastian had never met, about confidence and unconditional support he was given when he finally started singing and playing piano again. And if Sebastian felt a little more shitty than the already did for how he used the grief and hurt of exactly those brothers after Blaine left, well, he tried to make up for it by tugging Blaine a little closer, holding him a little tighter and brushing away stray tears with his thumb.

Sebastian shakes his head to push the thoughts away just in time as he’s asked “And then you met Blaine and fell for him on first sight? Because, seriously, I could get that, I saw pictures of him in that cute navy blue uniform. Although, the hair, Blaine…?” Sebastian laughs and ruffles through Blaine’s curls with his right hand. Blaine dips his head and glares at him, trying to smooth it down again.

“Yeah, the hair was something. And in hindsight, you might be right, maybe I did fall for him the minute I saw him standing in that Dalton common room door. But to be honest, I wasn’t very fond with the idea of love back then and Blaine was ridiculously in love with someone else. So, as much as there may have been a certain spark or something, we weren’t really ready then. When Blaine came back to Dalton – per my insistence, I might add, there might have been an impromptu song accompanied by a not so impromptu performance – we started becoming friends again. But it took us months to finally admit that we were more than that, to be ready to be more than that.” Sebastian smiles at Blaine and when he sees that mushy expression on his boyfriend’s face he gets every single time when Sebastian tells the story on how they fell in love, he leans forward and kisses him softly. Wow, okay, that was a first, they’re usually never that affectionate in professional settings.

“Gosh, you guys are too cute… Umm, talking about being ready and cute: We talked a lot about your past today, what about your future? Any romantic news?” Alex smiles sweetly and bats her eyes. It takes everything in Sebastian to not roll his.

“If you’re asking if there will be any wedding bands decorating or hands any time soon, I have to tell you… who knows, we’ll see.” Sebastian smirks at her and she smirks back: “That’s not a ‘No’, so I guess I’ll keep an eye out for any rings.”

Blaine intervenes. “What Sebastian means is that we are very happy how things are right now. Seb is starting his own business, I’m very lucky to be in that short movie with Santana and we’ll go from there. I mean… marriage is definitely on the agenda at some point, so sooner or later, yes, you’ll see wedding bands.”

Little does Blaine know about the small velvet box in Sebastian’s dresser, buried in socks and burning a whole in Sebastian’s mental pocket because, yes, there will be a proposal. He just has to work up the courage to actually ask.

#seblaine week 2020 #seblaine #thank you naya #naya rivera #glee #in memoriam #sebastian smythe #blaine anderson #sebastian x blaine #a little hurt #tiny bit #gifs

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vithyahairandmakeup · 5 years

Text

My Decade

My 2010 started with me finishing my one year diploma at London College of Fashion. I was so excited to start my new career with this prestigious qualification at one of the World’s top fashion institutions, but the makeup artist I used to look up to so much then, told me that I would not last long in this field. She broke my heart. And not because I thought I was doomed, but because of how discouraging and mean she was.

Up until that moment I thought I had to prove something to my family, but then quickly realised that I am leaving one pack of wolves - my family of course - to walk into another - this industry!I swore to myself then, that I would encourage and support any other makeup artist along my journey and not be like her. I would like to believe that I stayed true to that to some extent. Whatever she had told me did place some doubt in my heart. Just as a precaution I thought I better apply somewhere and work part time at least. So I applied at MAC cosmetics, who had actually rejected me. They then gave me a call a few months later and asked if I could cover during their busy christmas period. Once I started at MAC, they kept me on and I worked for them for another 3 years. They even offered me the managerial position, the irony.

During the three years at MAC, I was so unsure and so confused in what direction I wanted to go in. It was a part time position, so it didn’t pay well, and I was desperately trying to freelance on the weekends. I would get a client once every few months, who wouldn’t pay me much. Without a car, without a proper makeup trolley, it was agony carrying my suitcase up and down underground staircases and holding onto it with my dear life during packed train journeys. I can assure you, it was not a pleasant experience at all.I tried being part of short movies, worked with the National Portrait Gallery, the Arcadia group (who own Topshop, Dorothy Perkins etc.), fashion shows for Nintendo, and even a shoot for British Airways. But all were unpaid and definitely got me nowhere except for a few phone pictures to add to my Facebook Page.

I would come home after a long day of standing and lugging my suitcase around, and my parents would look at me with judgemental eyes wondering why a science graduate who landed a very well paid job in a huge marketing company, would give it all up to do makeup on people for minimum wages and be treated like a servant?I honestly never ever regretted my decision. Yes it was tough not making money, and spending all my earnings on building a better makeup kit or on my travel, but it gave me life; it brought me happiness, it made me want to get out of bed, and it definitely distracted me from my anti depressants and suicidal thoughts. Being a makeup artist brought me back to life.

In 2013, I quit MAC and took the brave decision to go self employed. I registered my company officially. My freelance work had picked up, and I wanted to free my weekends from working in retail. I wanted to explore more and try out new things.I still remember I had hit 10K followers on Instagram after joining in 2012 and more and more people started to get to know me around the world. Instagram opened up a lot of doors for me.Having lived in Germany most of my childhood, my parents were ok with me travelling to Europe for bridal jobs because I was able to stay with family. I think I was the first Tamil makeup artist back then who travelled to neighbouring countries for work. That was probably one of the best decisions I had made. Travelling around Europe and doing makeup got me exposed a lot more and people who were not on social media knew of my existence.

And as per usual I would still collaborate and work for free with anyone who contacted me. I wanted to get out there and try everything new. During exactly one of these collabs, I was asked to come early morning one day, to do makeup on a male model for a music video shoot. When I arrived that Monday morning I nearly fainted at the sight of Simbu, a very famous Tamil Actor. I was getting my station ready when the makeup artist who was hired for the entire movie did end up coming for this music video shoot. I was gutted. I thought I won’t get a chance to work with him and was prepared to pack up and leave. But the organiser was adamant that I stay and help out. I asked the makeup artist if I could do touch up makeup at least for a few scenes, and she kindly let me. The pictures I took of that moment went viral in South India, and that was the first time people in India started following my work on social media or even knew of my existence.It was also the first time a lot of makeup artists noticed me and can I just say they were not happy with this newbie getting to work with celebrities.

It got worse in 2014 when I was asked to do makeup for another famous Actress, Sneha, for a Wedding Exhibition. To be honest I was very overwhelmed. I did not think I was cut out for the job and kept asking the organisers why not pick some of the more experienced makeup artists. I really was not ready for such a big job. I wasn’t confident.However, the organiser told me that out of all the profiles she had sent Sneha, Sneha herself picked me. That was all I needed. I spoke to Sneha on the phone a week before her arrival, and met her a few days before the show, to discuss the looks and make sure she was happy with everything.Working with her will forever be one of my most cherished moments in my career. She believed in me and trusted me. However a lot of people were absolutely angry at the thought of me doing makeup on someone as famous as her. They could not comprehend that someone as inexperienced, nor established as myself would bag in a job like this. I did understand their disappointment, but was sad that no one seemed to want to support me.

Later that same year, I was asked if I was interested in being a production assistant for two songs from the movie Nanbenda; it was a Red Giant Production acting Udhayanidi and Nayanthara, line produced by Kavino from MYA Media. Of course I know nothing about production, but did not want to turn down this opportunity, so took 9 days off and decided to help out. The shoot took place all over Great Britain with a huge budget and an experience of a life time. I got to personally work with Nayanthara and saw what happened behind the scenes. I made great friends during that shoot, even had the responsibility of finding a castle and two horses for one scene, but went home having to deal with a divorce. Even though career-wise 2014 was a great year for me, but on a personal level I had to deal with a lot of heart ache. And no, it had nothing to do with my career, it was simply bad timing.

The following few years just had me on a rollercoaster to be honest. I tried numerous new things; being a TV host, a judge for dance competitions and beauty peagants, modelling, acting in commercials which never made it on TV, makeup for adverts, short films, magazine shoots, editorials, none were paid of course, until I found a new love for teaching.

I started teaching one-to-one tutorials in 2014 and remember I couldn’t even get two students that December. The following year it grew to 10 students, and in 2016 I had back to back students who were willing to pay whatever I quoted. That I when I made the decision of doing a Masterclass after seeing Mario (Kim Kardashian’s Makeup Artist) do these around the US. I had no guidelines nor knew how to start. Masterclasses were unheard of in our community. I was the first.I hired a small gallery space, and rented 20 chairs. I had my cousins and friends help me set up and we bought a Kettle and paper cups to serve tea and coffee for everyone. I thought the day went so well, and absolutely enjoyed the teaching, to get a call at the end of that day from my mum crying down the phone telling me that our house got robbed. Well we quickly found out that nothing was actually stolen, but the house just go trashed. A lot of us that night stayed up thinking someone did not want me to do these classes. My high ended with such a low, and got worse when I woke up to a lot of emails from our students complaining about numerous things in regards to my Masterclass. Today, I have taught 16 classes all over the world now with as many as 80 students, and for renowned makeup brands such as Bobbi Brown and Nars Cosmetics. So don’t ever let anyone or anything stop you from what you love and what you are meant to do.

Anyway, the following years have definitely been the best; from campaign shoots for Pothys, being flown out around the world for Bridal jobs, being a panelist and being a Keynote speaker for American Express, working with South Indian Movie celebrities Amy Jackson, Bharathirajah, the beautiful Sneha again, and Meena, being in charge of Makeup for Anirudh’s Concert in London and Paris, interviewed on mental health and published in Huffington Post, and my YouTube journey with my Saree draping video amassing nearly 6 million views. I know this is not work related but me marrying the most amazing human being in New York almost 3 years ago definitely was a huge benefactor in my career too. Happiness does wonders, I tell you.

Either way, none of it came easy. Yes it was hard work, but no one ever publicly or openly talks about the politics and the drama that happen in the industry behind closed doors. How not only do you have to deal with your nerves when working on a big project but you probably have to pray all day that no one tries to sabotage this opportunity for you; that no one talks to the organiser and pays them off to drop you last minute (has happened to me countless times), and hope that no one talks behind your back and invents rumours about you. The best rumour was that my ex husband left me because I was having a relationship with Simbu apparently. When my Bride told me that, my answer was “I wish”. We had such a laugh that day.

My last 10 years taught me so much. I grew on a professional and personal level. I think maturity and experience has helped me deal with a lot of it, and face a lot of it.I have some amazing friends also who are in the same field as me, and I have never stopped encouraging, teaching, or inspiring others who are entering this industry. I want to be that someone I never had 10 years ago. Jealousy, competitiveness, and hate does nothing but destroy. It ruins, and it causes nothing but pain. Fame can be another culprit too. It’s great to want to grow on social media, but do not lose your morals, values, and principles along the way. Once you lose respect, it is very hard to earn it back.

How does one deal with all of this? I used to wonder why some people were so horrible, but then gave up trying to figure out what their reasons were. I still get hate or have situations were other makeup artists try and make it very difficult for me, but the first step was to block a lot of words and people on social media. Of course we want to be liked, and we want to be a good person and set a good example, but do we really need to prove something to someone who does not know you nor like you? No matter what line of business you are, there is going to be competition. There is going to be people around you who are going to watch you like a hawk and copy every single thing that you do. But let that be a positive thing. Let that challenge you to do better, and be better, and get outside of your comfort zone. Focus on your own path and cut out anything or anyone who stresses you out or causes negativity. It really is as simple as that.Comparing yourself to others is the worst thing you could do to yourself. Insecurities do not get you anywhere. Have the right people around you who feed your soul with positivity and happiness. And definitely stay away from those who like to gossip about others in the industry. Never healthy I tell you. Trust me, I have been there, done that.

My testimony is to help you see the non-glamorous side of my job, but also see how it has never been easy and still isn’t for any of us. In 2007 I tried to take my life. If anyone had told me then, that in 2020 I will be writing a blog about how to deal with negativity, I would have laughed in their face. But here I am today, doing what I love, loving life, and not being the slightest bit deterred by the few who will always try and bring you down. I have an amazing support system of family and friends, and there are hundreds of thousands of you who support me, so surely that has to count for something too. I am so ready to take on the next decade. Are you?

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amphtaminedreams · 4 years

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A/W 2020 Fashion Month: Before Vogue Went Blank (Part 2)

Hi to anyone reading,

I was going to start this post by jumping straight into Dion Lee and part 2 in general but there's been a lot going on the past couple of days-although this blog is primarily fashion, it wouldn’t feel right to start talking about designers without acknowledging all the shit that’s been going down.

^Photo Credit to @spiltcoco on Twitter

Yesterday, police footage came out of US police murdering yet another black man in broad daylight-George Floyd. He joins Sandra Bland, Eric Garner, Tamir Rice, Freddie Gray, and Alton Sterling, plus hundreds more named and god knows how many more unnamed African American citizens in the ever-growing list of victims of police brutality.

The majority of these are just people going about their daily lives, a majority of them doing absolutely nothing wrong; even those we know to have committed crimes have been unarmed and non-violent offenders. That being said, their offences are beside the point when we’ve seen the white perpetrators of mass shootings be calmly cuffed and escorted into the backs of police cars as if they were the ones selling cigarettes without permits. American police, given the amount of them that are armed, regularly become judge, jury and executioner trained for 8 weeks by an institution that originated from slave patrols. I cannot imagine how terrifying it is just to walk around as a PoC in America. I cannot imagine the collective trauma that has been suffered because of recent events on top of the intergenerational trauma that most likely exists because of centuries of oppression. I cannot imagine what it’s like to live in a country that was built to suppress you and was by law allowed to do so until very recently, those original structures still in place. I cannot imagine what it’s like to be made to feel like this is your fault. I mean, Boris Johnson is a useless, cold-hearted twat and I won’t defend him or this country for a minute (we have much blood on our own hands, and racial profiling is just as much a thing here as it is in America-I read earlier that you’re 28 times more likely to be stopped and searched in London as a non-white person compared to a white person), but I still can’t imagine him publicly advocating for the mass murder of groups he knows to be primarily made up of black people via Twitter. This whole situation is so unimaginably fucked up; anyone who still sees America as one of the world’s most developed nations needs to take a long, hard look at what is going on and reconsider that opinion.

Whilst we can’t fix everything, we can all speak up and make our voices heard, and it is our duty to do so. It’s not good enough to just “not be racist”, you have to be ANTI-racism, even if that means constantly reflecting on your own privilege and challenging your assumptions. Neutrality is complicity. Signing a petition isn’t going to change the world, but it’s a start:

https://www.change.org/p/mayor-jacob-frey-justice-for-george-floyd?recruiter=false&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=twitter&utm_campaign=psf_combo_share_initial&utm_term=psf_combo_share_abi&recruited_by_id=7ba70000-a127-11ea-87fb-d1ff0bf6ea96

As I publish this, there’s less than 50,000 signatures needed to hit the target of 6,000,000 so if you happen to see it, get signing! There are lots of other petitions online but Change.org seems to be the only major one you can sign in the UK as the other are US based and require a zip code. I never thought I’d close a paragraph by quoting Macklemore but the line “no freedom 'til we're equal, damn right I support it” is at the forefront of my mind right now. Again, neutrality is complicity. We’re never going to achieve a fair society by sitting on our asses and hoping things will improve. Let’s all do the best we can.

Sorry if that intro wasn’t what you came here for, but I just think it’s so important to talk about. I know I’ve said in the past that fashion is supposed to be an escape from everyday life but there are some times when real life needs our attention and this is one of them. Feel free to unfollow if you disagree.

Anyway, onto the fashion. If this is the first post you’re reading, welcome! There’s a part 1! But I don’t wanna be pushy so start here if you wish!

If you read part 1, welcome back!

I ended that post by practically falling at the feet of Dilara Findikoglu, and I so wanted to start this post by regaining a sense of dignity and go straight into what-the-fuck-ing at Dior, but I know breaking chronological order would really piss off those “OmG I’m SoOo OCD, tHis BuzZfeEd aRtiCle WiTh DiFfereNt SiZed TiLes ToLd Me!” which is basically me minus claiming liking things to be organised means I have OCD-no, just dermatillomania and the denial that a compulsive skin picking disorder has anything to do with OCD because the neuroses club that is my brain doesn’t have any space left. SO, I have to continue where I left off and star the post with Dion Lee, whose collections I am a big fan of.

I could ramble a bit more but I did enough of that at the beginning of part 1 and am sure I’ll do more than enough in this post anyway, so here it is, Dion Lee:

Considering we ended with the maximalism of Dilara Findikoglu, sliding back over towards the other far end of the scale with a designer that tends to pitch their tent on the borders of the minimalism camp feels correct. Dion Lee, fortunately, seems the perfect collection to open with. There aren’t many other brands who do edge in such an understated and masterful way. If you want to be ready for combat and look like you’d fit right in at Vogue at the same time, look no further. This season’s collection is full of perfectly placed cut outs and immaculate tailoring and subtle street fighter-esque details as ever, and that’s why it pains me to say it:

Not that this is enough in the way of critique to restore my dignity by any means, it’s not a patch on last season.

I don’t think there was a single bad look in that show, and at times it felt like I was weeding through them here. When the looks were good, they were GOOD but a lot I found to be disappointing. Plus I have no idea why you’d put tie-dye in an A/W collection. I appreciate that it’s an Australian brand and that our winter is their summer, but they’re presenting to the rest of the world at fashion week and anyone in Paris, Milan, London and New York is going to be freezing their tits off and looking like a twat in an orange tie-dye sundress. There wasn’t much of a dip in quality for the menswear compared to last season, but honestly womenswear left a lot to be desired. That’s what happens when your expectations are high.

I used to think that if you assume the worst, it’s impossible to feel let down. And then I saw Dior’s A/W 2020 collection. Did a full 180 on that statement.

I suppose it’s a step up from haute couture, but then at least the styling in that was simple, and it just didn’t look like anybody had tried at all; here it’s clear Maria Grazia chucked everything she could at this collection, every headscarf, every gingham print, every shallow feminist undertone, and it was still a fucking mess. At first you think some of the individual pieces are cute but have just been ruined by the styling, and then you begin to look, and realise that even those individual pieces could’ve easily been bought in a New Look Boxing Day sale.

THIS IS CHRISTIAN DIOR, SUPPOSEDLY ONE OF THE MOST LUXURIOUS BRANDS OUT THERE. WHAT IS GOING ON!?

I don’t know, I included as many looks that I didn't mind as I could, but it’s like there always has to be a crappy, unnecessary detail in there. Everything is so literal. Of course the collection based around the divine feminine has the models dressed like basic ass Greek goddesses, so of course the collection based around the modern woman and equality has women walking the runway in ties and ill-fitting shoes too. Maria Grazia, here is a box:

Think outside of it.

Next is, thankfully, Elie Saab:

No, not exactly a trailblazer of a collection, but executed with poise and elegance as always. I mean, the styling is spot on. It looks like each part of the outfit was made for another, to contribute to a whole clearly envisioned look, similar to what we saw in the Alberta Ferretti show. Elie Saab is known for its haute couture shows where all the tiny details, the sequins and the silk and the embroidery come together to make something beautiful, and this is just that on a larger scale, with less “wow”s and more quiet admiration, more wishing you were the one wearing that outfit. If you’re gonna play safe, do it this well. The night dresses are stunning of course, but not even my favourite bit of the show. It’s the casual looks, the pussy bows and the ruffles and the neck scarfs and the private girls school monochrome colour palette with the occasional pop of red or purple, a toned down version of what we saw at haute couture, any of which deserve to be worn whilst eating macarons in front of the Eiffel Tower before trip to Musee D’Orsay. It’s Poppy Moore’s school uniform grown up and made fit for a fashion magazine editor:

Somehow managing to cram an Emma Roberts early 2010s fashion moment into every post is my talent, who knew. Wild Child was really a gem.

Erdem was a mixed bag:

With a lot of the outfits, I can’t tell if I actually like the garments that much or if I just like the look as a whole. I mean, without sounding too gluten-free Callie from the Valley, I like the VIBE, but there was a lot of outfits I almost included before I had to ask myself “LAUREN, do you ACTUALLY like this or do you just like the walking-into-your-sugar-daddy’s-will-reading-to-claim-his-fortune DRAMA of it all!?”

It happened a couple of times, where once I took off my black and white, theatrical violin accompanied entrance filtered sunglasses, I realised that the actual print was ugly. A collection so cohesively ornamental and kitschy is going to lean too far into that at times, and they were a few overly-fussy moments where it seemed less nudge nudge wink wink and more like Erdem Moralıoğlu fell into his grandma’s wardrobe, stole some fabric, and called it a day. I don’t want to sound like I’m not a fan of the collection because overall it’s gorgeous, I just thought it was a bit much at times.

Continuing with the theme of clever seasonal continuity that weaved its way throughout this year’s A/W offerings, Ermanno Scervino kept the core of his summer collection and made it just that little bit darker, added some weight to everything, and this is one of the rare occasions where I like the winter incarnation a lot more. I’m not huge about either but there’s a lot of things I’d love to wear here, the coats especially.

Up next is a reliable favourite of mine:

Etro.

Was it REALLY necessary for you to include ALL those coats I hear you ask?

Alaska Thunderfuck as Gia Gunn voice: Absolutelyyyy.

When it comes to bohemian fashion, Etro is unbeaten. Everything is always exquisitely coordinated and styled. Like I usually fucking hate aztec print but I love the way it’s done here. I’ve never known a brand to make belts seem like such an integral, tasteful part of the outfit in a field where they so often seem like a last minute addition for the sake of accessorising; it pains me to say it, but Elie Saab, I’m looking at you. It’s your only fault.

Yes for bringing back embroidered jeans! Yes for all those high necks! Yes for the tapestry print! Yes for the Afghan waistcoats! Etro will keep fedoras cool forever and I love them for that; I don’t know if she ever actually wore any of their stuff but I just know Stevie Nicks was in her prime would’ve ate this shit UP and she is my style icon for the ages. Plus, I might be way off base here but a lot of the collection seems to be inspired by traditional Romani style and it’s a beautiful direction to take things, a treasure trove of layers upon layers and rich textures and opulent prints.

I can’t wait til the phase of my phase of my life where I can swan around in maxi dresses and ponchos. I just hope those maxi dresses and ponchos are Etro.

Onto another brand which hasn’t had a bad show since I started my reviews: Fendi. This season, they took their late 60s/early 70s wild child aesthetic and gave a millionaire’s high maintenance wife spin on it, and what’s not to like about that?

I mean, Fendi is a brand which is always going to excel in its F/W presentations-the rich, bohemian prints (pro-tip: if you can’t already tell, me mentioning the word bohemian in a review pretty much guarantees I like the collection), the furs, and the warm colour palette all perfectly translate into clothes suited for walks through a city going through a post-summer burnout, where it rains red and orange leaves. You can tell Silvia Fendi is in her element when she’s got texture to play with, something that comes across in the gorgeous coats Fendi consistently puts out, and this season continues that trend. Plus, there’s a lot of adorable details here-shoes that show off the decorative socks underneath, the cube shaped bags and those furry ear muffs which I hope bring about a high street muff renaissance because they’re the equivalent of slipper socks for my ears and THEY’RE ACTUALLY REALLY PRACTICAL. The only thing I’m not in love with is the mirrored glasses, and I can’t help but think how replacing them with a pair of grandad style aviators would be the icing on the cake for the collection. Maybe I just need to see Miss Robyn Rihanna Fenty wearing them and then I’ll get on board. Usually works.

Ah, GCDS. I got so excited for it after last season but this time round, it was a bit of a disappointment. There were a few outfits that semi-matched up to how cutting-edge I saw their last collection, however a lot of the pieces looked pretty low quality. I get that streetwear is in the name, but it’s supposed to be a high fashion take on that, and a lot of the looks were quite pedestrian. Stand outs are the top 2 rows and the leather motocross style jumpsuit on the far right, third row down, but the quality of these pieces wasn’t consistent across the board and I feel like I ended up having to convince myself I liked some of the others just so I had enough photos to justify including the brand. It really sucks when I look back on how ahead of the game last season’s collection was-we’re talking outfits that wouldn’t be out of place on Instagram’s Tokyofashion page and as far as I’m concerned that’s the fashion holy grail. Some of these looks, especially the menswear, could be from a Boohoo TV ad and that makes me sad.

Meanwhile, Giambattista Valli put out a collection that looked like a virtual postcard of Parisian fashion; if a St-Germain-des-Prés streetwear themed Instagram doesn’t exist already, someone should capitalise on that, stat, because if my typical vision of French feminine fashion is correct it would be full of outfits like this. I feel like this is what a fashion novice EXPECTS Chanel to look like. Trust me-these days the reality is much more disappointing.

There’s many things I'm happy to see here besides the tulle and florals and prettiness I expect of the brand. Obviously the berets and the bows and the elbow length gloves are the kind of off-duty ballerina style touches I’ve become accustomed to but there are also some nice surprises here: the military style white jacket, the unexpected snake motif on clothing that’s otherwise overly delicate, and to my delight the return of the boater hat. IDGAF, this is the summer where I’m buying myself one off Ebay and making this happen for me whether they become a “thing” or not. I shouldn’t squander having this little of a double chin; the opportunity may never present itself again.

I haven’t watched Killing Eve in a longggg time since there’s only so much of two women attempting to kill each other and then miraculously avoiding death you can watch but I’d love to see Vilanelle prancing round a city in this kinda shit slitting some necks again. I hope that doesn’t make me sound like too much of a sadist; only in a purely fictional world is this something I want to see, I assure you.

Givenchy was really, really great this season too, imo. Definitely a step up from the last RTW anyway. Aside from the drama of the exaggerated floppy brim hats and the quirky tassle detail dresses a la Schiaparelli, a lot of these outfits kinda remind me of something a Miranda Priestly/Cruella De Vil type would wear, and you know me; I’m all for that kind of intimidating, about-to-either-slap-you-or-fire-your-ass bad bitch energy. The gathered leather gloves with the androgynous subtly checkered power suits feels CORRECT and if Giambattista Valli is the bottom in this relationship, Givenchy is the top. Am I allowed to reinforce sapphic relationship stereotypes as a bi girl? Probably not. I’m sorry. Won’t do it again. Just this once. And you know I’m right really xoxo

And OMFG Gucci. Another impeccable collection for me, honestly. Once again, it’s probably my favourite of the season. How it is that Alessandro Michelle gets it SO right for me despite his vision being so bold and different every time? He has this specific brand of strange, conceptual beauty which blends past and present trends in a way so supreme it should be considered art. It’s not a term to throw around loosely but the man is a genius, and tbh I’m still not over the human head props from the 2018 F/W winter show.

In my Haute Couture week review, I talked about the Viktor and Rolf collection (which I loved, don’t get me wrong!) and said that pretty meets grunge is my fave thing ever-this is that, but much even more substantial and intelligent. The Wes Anderson-esque pieces or that late 60s/early 70s hipster aesthetic that I loved in last season’s show hasn’t been done away with either-be it the level of detail or the colour scheme, it all somehow fits together. Never did I think I’d see dresses fit for porcelain dolls through the lens of Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen seamlessly slotted in between outfits that could’ve been put together from the clothing rack of Dazed and Confused’s costume department. I want it all-opulent fur-trimmed coats, crucifix jewellery and pilgrim hats I’m sure both Edgar Allan Poe and modern goths would approve of, and the tiered skirts that wouldn’t be out of place in a Westworld saloon. The models were delightfully sad and almost creepy looking and I wouldn’t change that for the world. To say 10/10 doesn’t do it justice, so I’m gonna have to open a reviewer’s can of worms and say 100/100.

Gucci is a tough act to follow, and I’m sorry it has to fall onto the shoulders of Halpern. In the nicest possible way (as if there is any nice way of saying it), I don’t think I any expected anything but a downgrade, so if anything, my standards will be lower so...Michael Halpern, you can thank me I guess?

That was really mean, I’m sorry. It’s not a bad collection, and I definitely like it more than last season’s. It’s a slightly garish colour palette at times but an exciting one in spite of that, which when paired with the animal print dotted throughout makes this collection the perfect fit for a tropical beach party or at the very least, a semi-decent night at the Caribbean themed bar in your local town centre. The sequins and silk, a Halpern trademark, are as tastefully done as ever, and seeing them on the models, I can’t deny these are some power fits-the kind of clothes you are bound to look and feel confident in; if you wanted to play queen of the urban jungle for a night, this is what you need to be wearing.

Ah, Hermes.

Generally not one to stoke a fire inside me. In all fairness, the tailoring here is really, really nice and French biker chic, and the pieces are perfectly crafted-it’s not that I don’t like the outfits because I think that if I saw one of them individually in a natural, messier setting I’d probably be impressed. These are classy, elegant winter looks and what more could you want when you’re looking for outfit inspiration for this season? It’s just that it’s always a little too neat and uniform for me, and on the runway I like my fashion to be risky. This could almost be the sophisticated mother to a Tommy Hilfiger collection and whilst that’s something I would probably wear if I wanted to look put together, it’s not what you get excited to see at fashion week. Primary colours all together aren’t where it’s at for me either, the infamous colour scheme of the cheap plastic playhouses you’d find in the garden of every working/middle class British household back in the day. Yes, I had one. So did the after school club I was forced to attend whilst my mum was at work. Apparently the negative connotations are still too much for me (a boy I went to the after school club with did once fall off the back of one and crack his head open so maybe it’s justified).

Isabel Marant was pretty much exactly what you’d expect from Isabel Marant; if the Etro bohemian woman is one who rolls out of bed and chucks on the first thing she sees, the Isabel Marant bohemian woman is the one who claims she’s done the same thing but who actually planned it all out the night before. She designs for the gluten-free, bikram yoga Kourtney Kardashian style “hippy” who claims to be a free-spirit but would definitely not do acid with you. I was gonna say it was a collection for the Gwyneth Paltrows of the world but then I remembered Gwyneth proudly released a candle she claimed smelled like her vagina and changed my mind-she’d definitely do acid with you.

It’s definitely a cohesive transition from the summer collection; both have that seemingly laid-back, clean-cut vibe, and cater to the rich, impeccably groomed scented candle loving woman everywhere. Obviously the pieces are a tad more suited to an alpine lodge in Switzerland than a beach in Malibu this time round, but that same mild colour palette, pretty, naturalistic patterns, and generally relaxed fit persists. It’s cute enough.

J.W Anderson is a bit of an enigma.

Despite the experimental silhouettes and the kooky details that you think would very “look at me!”, the collections still seem to have a chilled, easy-going feel to them. They toy about with the strange but remain entirely sophisticated whilst doing so-I think it’s because aside from the little quirks that make the garments J.W Anderson, they’re otherwise fairly reserved and simple; even the quirks themselves mostly tend to be exaggerated, more conceptual takes on more typical stylistic motifs anyway. Anderson has a knack for producing statement pieces that don’t look like they’re trying too hard to be statement pieces, a talent he expertly deploys at Loewe as well. Whilst Maison Margiela collections are like the fashion equivalent of that Jughead “I’m weird, I’m a weirdo” speech, J.W Anderson’s refusal to conform is quiet and modest. I like it. It’s not generally my personal style but I can admire the thought behind the work, and there are still some things I’d love to try. I have a few standouts-the shoes with the hoop detailing dancing from the ankle straps, the dress on the bottom right with what appears to be art nouveau typography on, the trench coat with the cape detailing and the gossamer dress to its right are all stunning, especially that dress. If I ever want to dress as the bubble Glinda the Good Witch descends in when she meets Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, I know where to go, though I don’t suppose there’s going to be an occasion that calls for that any time soon. Can I just have the dress anyway?

Kim Shui is another new designer I found through blessed Twitter screencaps-thanks guys for doing my research for me. Much appreciated.

But anyways! Like Charlotte Knowles, it’s clear she’s still establishing her aesthetic as a designer, and thus far I love it. The whimsical, throwback prints on urban silhouettes that range from the androgynous suits of city dwelling cool girls to the amped-up sex appeal of nightclub dresses is gorgeous, especially twinned with dainty headscarfs and opera gloves-all in all I think this a very cool and wearable collection and I’m looking forward to the next collection she puts out.

Next up is Lacoste, and IDK why I always include their collections to be honest, considering they’re not really known for “high fashion”. I guess it’s because my dad has collected Lacoste shirts since I was little so I kinda have a soft spot for it and feel obligated to include it every time presentation season comes around. Yes, the outfits are unbearably preppy and the colours are garish but I feel like that’s kind of the appeal? So what if some of the tracksuits look like they could’ve been pulled out of a bad mafia movie? I see the argyle jumpers, with a bit of wear and tear, as a charity shop gem my sister would come across (she has the #Y2K Depop girl knack for finding old designer pieces in the shittiest charity shops without the audacity to try and sell them at a 70% markup) that I would then steal from her wardrobe to wear myself, contrasted with a ripped mini skirt, chains and and docs. I see the POTENTIAL of a look that is very fuck you to the rich middle age tory styling we see here. It’s punk, okay?

Lanvin was STUNNING this time around. Maybe it’s because I’ve been watching Mad Men recently and it reminds me of the fashion on that-which I hope somebody won an award for at the time BTW, it is SO fucking good-but I just adore every look here. I can’t even remember if I reviewed Lanvin’s SS20 show, and so clearly if I did it wasn’t that memorable (no shade intended), however this collection is a different story. Every single one of these outfits is iconic movie moment worthy, a 60s Cher Horowitz plaid two piece equivalent that would get screencapped and replicated ad-nauseam, all the best looks of Betty Draper and Peggy Olsen and Joan Holloway and Megan Calvet brought together and refined for the modern day woman. I might even consider sacrificing my anti-royalist principles if it meant I could transport myself back in time and switch bodies with Grace Kelly so I could make this collection my princess-off-duty wardrobe and drive around Monaco in that Bella Hadid look, roof down, all the drama of the fur trim and the gloves and hair whipping about in the wind (but in this unrealistic vision I can actually see what I’m doing and I’m not choking on random strands and swearing at Mother Nature as if she is a real entity with a personal vendetta against me).

Loewe! More J.W Anderson! I’m gonna try not to repeat myself by arsekissing too much all over again and get the good points out of the way quickly! So rapid fire: elegant! Delicious colour palette! Interesting shapes! I think I’m seeing a Victorian/Edwardian influence there! Correct me if I’m wrong! I like it! The coats are strong! Remind me of the suffragettes! But lets pretend in this case these Loewe style coat wearing suffragettes are not raging classists!

AH. Apart from that, it was a bit too austere for me. I definitely preferred Anderson’s eponymous collection; there were a fair few recurring details in this show that I couldn’t get behind that I didn’t include, in particular this bib-like black panel that just kept popping up on everything. Sorry J.W Anderson. But a 50% success rate is still good! And at the end of the day, having 2 collections on Vogue Runway at once is more prestigious than the accumulative total of every accomplishment I’ll probably ever have achieved in my life by the time I’m on my deathbed so what do I know anyway? Sigh:( At least I’ll always have the honour of having the largest head by circumference of my class in year 4, right *sweats nervously*!?!?!

Louis Vuitton was definitely a downgrade on last season for me. There were for sure elements I liked-the Vera Wang-esuqe mixing of the tulle bustle skirts with the rougher, more masculine biker inspired vests and jackets was a cool choice, reminiscent of Gucci’s mixing of the lace dresses with harnesses. I enjoyed the baroque jackets and subtle nods to steampunk style too. Though we’ve already seen it a lot this season, the wet look coat with fur trim I can’t help falling in love with, and I’m immune to the potential ugliness of the muted blue monotone look purely on the basis I can picture Ripley from Alien in it. So like I said-it’s not as if I hated it. I guess when it comes down to it, the collection wasn’t bad so much as I just had higher hopes. I will say though, the staging was INCREDIBLE. As a history nerd, I never thought I’d see the day when a Henry the 8th lookalike actor was part of the backdrop of a Paris fashion week show-and I always thought there was no interesting career path for me in the subject!

And another big name I don’t tend to be so partial to, Maison Margiela. IDK, I did like last season but I wasn’t a fan of haute couture and it took me a while to warm to this. Call it deconstructed, experimental, whatever, but you know when you can’t decide what to wear and you’re in a rush so you kinda just throw all the shit you decided against into a pile? Well, my initial thought was that this season Margiela is kinda that, on the runway.

I will say, once I let go of my need to see a clear shape, a lot of the individual pieces were stunning (NOT the puffed up tabis though, I still can’t even get behind the regular ones). I guess I just wish they’d go for less is more with the styling because as it currently stands, it makes it hard to actually take the clothes in.

Ultimately, one thing you can always say about Margiela, like their clothes or not, is that it has a monopoly on being effortlessly bold.

Marc Jacobs I really liked again, though I will say it doesn’t stand out quite like the S/S collection did. That was absolutely STUNNING-I can’t remember specifically where I ranked it in my top ten but I know it was at least in the top 5. This, on the other hand, is...pretty. It’s very pretty, and very put together, so I’m not saying at all that I don’t rate it. I suppose it’s just a lot simpler than I expected it to be-I don’t have a problem with simplicity, at all, especially if it’s what a brand is known for but I feel like part of the appeal with Marc Jacobs is that it’s pretty kooky. I mean, not Thom Browne or Margiela kooky, but commercial kooky at least. I feel like the kookiness is lacking here? And that’s where this feeling is coming from? And also, the fact that Lanvin tackled the same era and did it a lot better? So there’s that, too. Plus, I adore Miley Cyrus but...why? Random celebrities waking the runway just doesn’t do it for me-it always comes across as a publicity grab, as if the designer isn’t confident enough in their collection’s ability to get people talking on its own, and I suppose in this case that says it all really.

Margaret Howell was...well, Margaret Howell. She’s known for her basics, and they’re always pretty non-offensive “regulation hottie” in the words of the icon that is Damian from Mean Girls. It’s been, what, four years? More? Since I last watched that film but I’m pretty sure watching it about twenty times between the ages of 9 and 15 tattooed it on my brain. I include her because even though they don’t get my pulse racing, I like these pieces; considering the fact that expecting straight white men to ever have style on the level of barbiedrugz (his instagram is my favourite thing ever) or Rickey Thompson is ludicrous, Margaret Howell’s menswear looks are probably are the best, realistic goal for any future partner. Because I like my men dressed like Paddington bear/a depressed Brown University English lit lecturer, okay? Or in other words, Will Graham from Hannibal.

Marine Serre had a few good moments-the looks that I liked were the ones that stayed within her lane of blending the weird with the visually appealing. There were a lot of cool things going on, and I like the utility vibe (the boot with the pouch detailing and the mask are perfect examples of this done well), but outside the fits I picked out a lot of it went over my head tbh.

Marques Almeida is a show I was looking forward to-it has such a youthful, experimental quality to its collections (it’s no surprise the designers said they were influenced by the HBO show Euphoria this year!), similar to Central Saint Martins, and you can tell the designers (Marta Marques and Paulo Almeida) are based in London too; we are talking about the birthplace of the punk fashion movement, and as a designer it’s probably almost a rite of passage that you incorporate elements of that into your work. Marques Almeida does that with a flair and consistency you can count on. Their clothes don’t have the wildest silhouettes or anything like that but the fun they have playing around with print and colour and the ease and confidence with which they settle on those combinations always comes through-the black and white coat with the yellow furs trim is one of my favourite pieces from the entirety of this season’s offerings.

I wasn’t so fond of Max Mara’s SS20 collection and I'm not gonna lie, this isn’t THAT much of a step up for me personally. It’s just one of those brands I feel obligated to include because it’s talked about quite a bit but I’m not totally sure if it’s for me. Too monotone, but I’ll give it another season! And I mean, there is a slight improvement here-this collection is a lot more laid back than the stiff, austere feel of the last, and there are some very well fitted and structured pieces. A lot of the looks kinda remind me of a 2020, fashion take on The Breakfast Club’s “Basket Case”, which is kinda cool, and just from looking at the clothes, the high price tag is palpable. Also, scruffy hair club unite! Though obviously it’s intentional here! That’ll be my excuse for the next time I turn up at work looking like I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards-Max Mara made me do it.

Ending on those words of wisdom, I’m gonna bring this post to a close, because I can’t fit any more photos in! I’m desperately hoping that I can fit this all into 3 parts like I did with my last RTW review but even if I do have to make 4 posts, I still include my top 10 shows as I did before. I hope to get that post up within the next couple of weeks! After that, I’ve shot a Lana Del Rey inspired by each of her different albums and “era”s though given last week’s events I’m on the fence about whether to post it or not, especially given her silence over the last couple of days. I’m really proud of what I’ve put together and I’ll always love her art and music (I have 2 bloody tattoos, for fuck’s sake!), so I’m trying to think how I can reconcile that with those awfully worded posts and just the general lack of awareness of bigger issues that she’s displayed the last week. JFC, being a Lana stan has always been so chilled up until now. All the very valid and important takes aside, that “Lana pls delete that post and apologise, we can’t fight the barbz all your stans are depressed” tweet is the only good thing to come out of this shitshow. He got a point. Breathing feels like effort lately:( IDK, if you’re also a Lana stan and you have any opinions on the matter, feel free to DM me, because I’m feeling pretty conflicted rn.

Most importantly though, are the issues I opened this post by talking about, and I thought I’d finish by including the thread of petitions I saw on Twitter. Like I said, a lot of them aren’t available to sign in the UK but to anyone who read up until this point (thank you!) idk where you’re reading from so maybe some of them will apply to you:

https://twitter.com/yericvIt/status/1265801832930045953

Also, while we’re at it, because every tory voting twat seems to treat our country as if it’s some beacon of hope where racism is non-existent and love to tell PoC to stop moaning about their experiences, here’s a thread of black British men and women who have lost their lives to police violence:

https://twitter.com/illh0eminati/status/1266441604170223617

Thank you for reading until the end. I hope that you enjoyed the fashion part of the post but also that if you did read this far, you read the other bits too if you didn’t know what was going on already. It seems like everyone does but you forget that Twitter’s a bit of an echo chamber and that outside of it, there’s a lot of ignorance, whether intentional or not. I know Tumblr has a similar audience to Twitter so I imagine there’s loads on here about everything going on too, but ya know. I wanted to talk about it just incase.

Stay safe, keep fighting the good fight, and again, thank you for reading!<3

Lauren x

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