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probably-writing-x · 1 year

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Missing Piece.

Summary: can you do conklin!reader x conrad where since she’s the oldest sibling, laurel had so much expectations for her and she held a lot of responsibility to the point where she couldn’t even enjoy being a kid. this is gonna sound sad but let’s say conrad chose belly over her but he was really just confused about what he wants which was reader but since her and belly are so similar, he chose belly and the reader had a big argument that led to her being the bad guy and all the stress caused her to just leave cousins and cut contact with everyone. Flash forward like 2 years ( reader is in college and everyone else is beginning college soon ) reader comes back to cousins and everyone is shocked to see she has a son 😭 it doesn’t have to be conrad’s i was thinking it could be like an ex boyfriends or one night stand’s BUT yeah she comes back with a whole kid and she’s so grown now. ( you can add a lil stepdad conrad if you want 😮‍💨 )

Warnings: Discussions of toxic family relations, mentions of unplanned pregnancy

Author’s Note: I’m sorry this is so long but I took this idea and RAN with it! Hope y’all enjoy plz plz plz let me know what you think

You always knew how your little sister Belly had felt about Conrad when you were all growing up. For as long as you could remember, she’d been head over heels for him. She laughed a little harder at his jokes, remembered a little more about everything he said. She loved him.

You weren’t exactly sure when your feelings for Conrad had started, however. He’d always just been a friend. The boy you spent every summer with as the two of you were responsible for babysitting the rest. He’d always just been Conrad. But lately that had felt like it was changing.

The worst part about it all? You couldn’t even tell him how you felt. For the fear of breaking your little sisters heart was worse than letting your own break right in front of you.

“Are you even listening to me (y/l/n)?” Conrad stretches out a leg to kick you from where he sat on the other end of the couch and you look up from your book to see him.

“Um,” You clear your throat, “No, I didn’t hear a word you said.”

He rolls his eyes at you, “I asked if you were coming to the party tonight.”

“Oh, yeah, I hadn’t thought about it,” You shrug, “Is everyone going?”

He shrugs his shoulders, “I haven’t asked everyone. I’ve asked you.”

You smile in return, “Yeah, sure, I’ll come.”

He stretches forward and grabs the book from your hands, “What are you reading?”

“Con!” You exclaim, reaching over his legs to try to grab the book from his hands, “Give it back.”

He laughs and holds it high over his head, away from your reach as you fall forward, hand catching yourself on his chest.

You look up to his eyes and he’s looking down at you with a smirk on his lips.

“Can you please give me my book back?”

“I could,” He returns, the pages still tight between his grip.

“Okay, will you?”

“What’s in it for me?”

There’s something about the way he says the words. Hoarse in his throat, almost catching on his tongue, foreign tone to hear from his lips. You feel the heat increasing in your cheeks and try to ignore it.

“Nothing, just give it back,” You groan, stretching far up enough that your fingertips brush the pages and he eventually releases the book from his grip.

You compose yourself and return to your side of the couch, trying to ignore the deep heat coursing through your cheeks.

“Hey!” Belly’s voice sounds from the doorway as she comes in, “I’m not interrupting am I?”

“No, no, of course not,” Conrad stands up quickly from the couch, “Are you ready to go?”

Belly nods, “Yeah, sure. Are you coming (y/n)?”

You force a small smile in their direction, “I’ll be there in a bit.”

“(Y/n) I really need your help tonight,” Your Mom, Laurel walks into the room in their absence, “We’ve got so much to set up for tomorrow so I’ll need your help with it all.”

You set your book down and look up at her, “Actually I think there’s a party tonight that everyone’s going to so I sort of had plans.”

She brushes you off, busy looking at something on her phone, “Well just cancel your plans.”

“It’s a party, Mom, everyone’s going,” You roll your eyes, “Can’t I just help tomorrow morning?”

“Can you please not make this more difficult than it needs to be?” She shakes her head at you, “You’re eighteen now, aren’t you too old for those kinds of things?”

“Right, yeah, eighteen is the cut off point for having fun,” You stand up from the couch.

“(Y/n) wait!” She calls after you, “I need you to go to-“

“The store, yeah, I just got the list,” You wave your phone in your hand, “(Y/n) Conklin at your service.”

Your relationship with Laurel has never been ideal. You were the oldest of the three of you and so her expectations for you seemed far beyond what she wanted from the others. She was more patient with them, more understanding. You didn’t get that. They got a childhood and you got the responsibility of looking after them. They went to the fair? You had to make sure they all came back in one piece. They went to a party? You had to be the designated driver and make sure neither of them drank too much. Something important going on? They got to be kids whilst you dealt with it like an adult. You grew up too fast and she was to blame for that - her expectations tainting any form of childhood you could’ve held onto.

You step outside and start walking towards your car, pausing when you hear the sound of laughter from the others. Conrad has Belly in his arms, lifting her up from the ground as the other boys try to grab her legs. He’s holding her tight, a bright smile on his face when he looks at her. They’d had that tradition for years. Since you were first coming to Cousins. But you were never a part of it. Because whilst they grabbed Belly and ran her to the pool, you had to help your Mom carry in the luggage and set up everyone’s rooms. Traditions, right?

“(Y/n)!” Jeremiah yells over to you when he catches sight of you, “Are you coming later? We thought we could go to the store and get some drinks before we go.”

He walks over to you and the other boys follow behind.

“Um,” You drag a hand through your hair, glancing at the house, “I can’t come tonight, I’ve got stuff to help my Mom with here.”

“Oh come on, you’re so boring,” Steven groans, “You never come to parties.”

Right, because I’m too busy picking up the slack for you and Belly.

“Yeah, sorry, Laurel’s orders,” You shrug, “Maybe next time.”

“Can you at least stop at the store and use your fake? Thank youuuuu,” Steven yells back as he heads back towards the pool.

You roll your eyes, forcing a smile to the Fisher brothers, “I’ll see you guys later.”

Conrad frowns a little at you, “You sure you’re not coming?”

You shrug your shoulders, “I’ll be designated driver, you can just call me when you need picking up.”

He smiles faintly and watches as you head towards your car, your shoulders dropping as you let out a sigh. Laurel’s orders.

———

You spend the night helping your Mom and Susannah set up for their charity event before you eventually get a text from Steven asking you to come get them.

You drive across the town to the other end and pull up in front of the house, texting them to say you’re outside.

Only Jeremiah and Steven step out though.

“Thanks for coming,” Jere smiles, sitting in the back seat, “You’re a lifesaver.”

You frown at the two of them, “Where’s the rest?”

Steven laughs, “Don’t get us started.”

“What’s going on?” You ask, glancing back in the mirror to catch Jeremiah’s face, watching as his jaw clenches.

“Conrad and Belly disappeared together,” Steven explains, “They were all over each other, and then the next minute we couldn’t find either of them.”

“So-“ You clear your throat, words seemingly catching on your tongue, “So you don’t know where they are?”

“They’re together, they’re fine,” Steven shrugs, “But god I’m dreading hearing that story tomorrow.”

You swallow the lump in your throat and lock eyes with Jeremiah who just shrugs his shoulders at you. He was your counterpart in this. Him in love with Belly despite his brother. You in love with Conrad despite your sister.

“Can we go?” Steven nudges you, “I’m starving.”

The three of you drive back in relative silence apart from Steven hiccuping every five seconds, until you reach the house and you pull up on the driveway. You make sure to shut the door quietly behind you so that Laurel wouldn’t complain in the morning and the two boys disappear into the kitchen.

“(Y/n) can I eat some of your-“ Steven calls out loudly.

You stick your head around the doorframe of the kitchen and shush him, whispering back, “Eat whatever you want as long as it’s not the food for tomorrow.”

He salutes in your direction and you roll your eyes, walking through into the lounge and collapsing down onto one of the couches. Your Mom would kill you if Belly didn’t come home tonight, and especially if you didn’t have any clue where she was.

So whilst the boys eat and reside to their bedrooms, you wait.

It’s around three am when you hear the door open again and two hushed voices coming through into the silent house.

“Is everyone asleep?” You hear Belly whisper and you glance up from the couch.

That’s when you see it. His hand intertwined with hers, his flannel shirt around her shoulders, both of their eyes alight.

“I think so,” Conrad hisses in return as the two of them walk towards the stairs.

She steps up ahead of him but he pauses on the bottom step, glancing into the lounge where his eyes lock with yours. You don’t look away and neither does he, so you watch as he swallows the lump in his throat, his hand dropping from its grip on Belly’s.

You look away then, turning over on the couch so that your back faces them. It’s such a quick response isn’t it? Five seconds and now your throat feels like it can’t breathe air, and your eyes are pricked with tears threatening to spill. You let out a shaky breath and grip firmly onto the cushion beneath your head, your chest feeling tighter and tighter.

———

The following morning you wake up to the sound of voices in the kitchen and you groan at the sudden realisation of how uncomfortable the couch really is.

When you walk through, it’s your brother and sister.

“She’s alive!” Steven laughs, “What happened to you last night?”

You drag a hand over your face, “I-“ Your eyes shift to Belly who’s stood with the faintest smile over her face as she sips her coffee, the look of a girl in love, “I was going to stay awake to make sure Belly got back safe but I must’ve… I don’t know, I must’ve fallen asleep before she got back.”

“Oh, yeah, sorry, we were pretty late,” She clears her throat, “I mean, I was- we weren’t-“

“Come on Bels everyone saw you and Conrad together,” Steven scoffs, “You didn’t exactly make it discrete.”

“Well, I-“ Belly laughs a little, “We just-“

“I don’t think I want to hear this,” Steven groans, “Please spare me the details.”

He takes a cup of coffee from the counter and walks out, his shoulders hanging low.

You take a deep breath and turn back to your sister, pausing for a second. Something about her seems so different - like she’s a whole new person. One piece of her life fallen into place and she was… happy. You swallow the lump in your throat.

“So, you and Conrad,” You mention, your back turned to her as you pull out a pancake mix from the cupboard.

“I don’t even know how it happened,” She shakes her head, “I mean, you all know I’ve had a crush on him since I could remember and then he told me he wanted us to be together and I-“

“He wants you to be together?” You half-choke out the words, your hands feeling weak, your heart numb.

“That’s what he said,” She nods, “We still need to talk about things but yesterday seemed pretty official.”

You blink a couple of times and take a deep breath, pulling your shoulders back a little, “That’s great, Bels, I’m happy for you.”

Before you can say anything more, Conrad walks through into the kitchen, pausing when he sees the two of you.

“Oh, um, morning,” He offers a small smile, letting out a breath.

You nod in greeting, “I’m going to leave you two to it.”

“(Y/n)…” Conrad speaks quietly as you go to leave, his hand reaching out towards you.

You look up at him and there’s a shift in his eyes, a difference in the way he looks at you. Like he knows everything and nothing about what he’s done.

“Never mind,” He shakes his head.

And you’re gone.

———

You don’t see them for the rest of the day. In fact, you don’t see anyone. You go down to the beach at some point in the afternoon and swim in the flat waves and return to the house hours later with damp hair. Your Mom makes a comment about how you need to look presentable for this evening.

You’ve showered and are sat on your bed wrapped in a baggy hoodie and shorts straightening your hair when there’s a knock on your door.

“(Y/n) can I come in?”

It’s Jeremiah.

“Yeah, of course,” You shift on your seat and he steps inside.

“I just wanted to see how you were,” He perches himself on the edge of the bed, looking at you through the mirror.

“I’m okay, this event should be good,” You lie through a smile, fixing the hair around your face.

“(Y/n)…” He frowns at you, “You don’t have to lie.”

“Wh-“

“He broke your heart,” He confirms for you, “And she broke mine.”

You laugh a little, “Well that makes us sound sad, Jere.”

He smiles gently, softly, “It’s okay for you to be upset about it. You don’t have to put on that facade like you normally do.”

“I just-“ You shake your head, “I can’t be upset. I’m happy for Belly, she’s loved him since forever.”

“(Y/n),” Jeremiah waits until you turn around to face him, “You’ve spent your life being happy for Belly, it’s okay for you to let yourself once wish that you were happy for you.”

You look down at the ground and back up, shaking your head a little as tears pool at your eyes, “I just really thought it would be me.”

Instantly, Jere jumps from the bed and hurries over to you, engulfing you in his arms as you bury your head into his chest.

“I did too,” He mumbles as he runs a hand up and down your back.

“God, I’m so stupid,” You laugh, dragging your hands under your eyes, “I need to stop this before tonight.”

He pulls back and holds both of your shoulders, “You’re going to get dressed into your best dress, and you’re going to look beautiful, and we’re going to drink, and drink some more, and we’re both going to forget all about last night. How does that sound?”

You nod your head, “Okay.”

“Okay,” Jeremiah grins, “Now cheer up before you make me cry too.”

You laugh softly, watching him disappear before you let out a shaky breath, turning back to yourself in the mirror and setting your shoulders back to fix your posture.

You could do this.

———

By the time you come downstairs, the house is flooded with people all in attendance for the event. The garden doors are open and people have spilled outside, all mingling between each other as Susannah goes around to greet everyone that she can.

You take a glass of champagne from the tray in the kitchen and tip it back until the liquid empties down your throat, and you grimace a little at the taste.

“Woah, take it easy Conklin,” Steven raises his brows at you as you refill your glass, “You never drink.”

“Yeah, well, it’s a party isn’t it?” You shrug your shoulders, tipping back another glass.

“Who are you and what have you done with my sister?” Steven laughs.

You go to respond but your eyes fall on the pair just across the room. The girl’s fingers fixing the bow tie around the boy’s neck, her hands settling onto his chest soon after, a smile on her face. Belly and Conrad.

“They seem pretty-“

“Yeah, I know,” You respond quickly, “Made for each other.”

“I was going to say full-on,” Steven grimaces, “It’s weird.”

You shrug, “Maybe they’re happy.”

You swallow the lump in your throat and try to ignore the tightening in your chest, sure that you could leave at that sight alone.

How could you do this? How could you be normal with them when it was like this? How could you spend every day with them?

“I can’t be here,” You shake your head, “I need some air.”

You grab a bottle of tequila from the liquor display and take it with you outside, sipping from it before you’ve even got to the garden.

It’s colder as the sun is already setting but another sip of tequila seems to take the edge off just a little, and its already going to your head.

You start making your way around the perimeter of the pool, your steps a little off balance as you teeter across the edge.

“(Y/n)?” Belly’s voice calls from the doorway of the house, “What are you doing out here?”

Your foot spins you to face her and you catch sight of her at the door, a black jacket wrapped around her shoulders. The sight makes your heart sink into your stomach, churning your insides.

“Come on, Mom wants you to mingle wit-“

“I don’t care what Mom wants,” You reply harshly, swigging back the tequila once again.

“Wh- what are you talking about?”

“I’ve done my bit, okay? I’ve done more than my bit. She can leave me alone for one night,” You roll your eyes, “Just one fucking night.”

“What’s going on with you (y/n)? This isn’t like you,” She wraps her arms around herself, the jacket tightening across her shoulders.

“Is that… is that his jacket?”

The rational part of you is unsure as to why you even ask it. But the tequila is almost a third gone now, and you’re not sure the rational is what’s in control anymore.

“We- yeah, he gave it to me to come outside,” Belly confirms, “What’s that got to do with-“

“Did you know I liked him?” You interrupt.

“(Y/n) what-“

“Answer the question,” Your words are harsh, too harsh probably, “When you kissed him last night, when he told you he wanted to be with you, did you know that I liked him?”

“Come on, you know how I’ve felt about Conrad, how I feel about him,” Belly shakes her head, “This isn’t ab-“

“About me? Right, of course it’s not,” You scoff, stepping towards her, “Because god forbid things don’t work out the way Belly wants them to, right? God forbid we’re not all making sure that you’re happy and that things are going your way. God forbid anyone else get a fucking happy ending!”

You know you’re raising your voice, you can tell from the way she flinches as you speak. But that doesn’t seem to matter anymore either.

“You wanted him and so you got him. And me and Jere? We don’t matter, do we? We’re just thrown to the curb so that you can be fucking happy,” You half laugh, “I gave up everything for you, Belly. For you and for Steven, I gave up my whole fucking childhood. I couldn’t be a child because you two needed to be them instead. So I grew up, I stopped going out so I could do chores for Mom, chores that you missed because you were too busy with Taylor or at volleyball or failing your fucking classes. I did it all! I gave up everything. And the one thing it felt like I had was… him.”

You choke out the last word and feel the tears prick at your eyes.

“Conrad was the only one that understood, the only one who knew what it was like to feel responsible for your asses,” You scoff, “And… I gave that up too.”

“You didn’t give him up, (y/n), Conrad chose to be with me!” Belly defends, her voice breaking.

By now, the small crowd in the garden has started to increase to hear what was going on, people slowly starting to trail out of the door until you see the familiar faces.

“Girls, can we try doing this somewhere else?” Susannah steps outside, trying to smile for the guests gathering around.

“(Y/n)!” Laurel hisses, hurrying down to where the two of you stood, “Can you control yourself please? There are guests here!”

You look at her and let out a scoff, “My fault, of course.”

“You should know better,” She mutters to you, faking a polite smile for the people watching.

“Yeah, maybe I should, Mom,” You nod, fighting back your tears, “Excuse me.”

You step away from her and Belly and push your way across the garden, towards the side of the house, past the outdoor shower.

“(Y/n)!” Conrad’s voice approaches from behind you.

You keep walking in your direction, refusing to be interrupted until you feel the grip of his arm around your wrist, turning you around.

“Get off me, Conrad,” You pull away from him but his grip remains.

“Talk to me (Y/n)!” He exclaims, “Talk to me, tell me what’s going on.”

“Tell you what’s going on?” You laugh, “Like you don’t fucking know!”

“l do- What do you want me to say?” He looks frantically between your eyes, dropping his hand from your arm.

“I want you to tell me that it’s Belly you want,” You snap, “I want you to tell me that you feel the same way about her as she feels about you.”

“It’s- I mean… it’s complicated.”

“It fucking shouldn’t be!” You yell back, “You chose her, you should know how you feel about her.”

“Chose her? What… you…”

“Yeah, you fucking chose her!” You push his chest, “I was right fucking here Conrad! I was right here! I’ve always been here,” Your voice cracks and tears spill over your cheeks.

Conrad holds your hands over his chest, like he wants to hold onto a piece of you, “(Y/n) I didn’t know.”

“You didn’t know,” You step back, sniffing, “Of course you didn’t.”

“(Y/n)…” His voice trails off as he sees you, the broken version of you that he seemed to cause.

“It’s always been her, hasn’t it? She was Laurel’s favourite daughter, she was the more popular one at school, she’s Susannah’s favourite, she’s… she’s yours. And I was there to just… drive her home, cook her dinner, let her cry, buy her shit to make her feel better. I was just… there.”

He doesn’t speak, watching the way you seem to shrink into yourself at the words.

“I’m never going to be good enough, am I? For Laurel, for this family… for you?”

“(Y/n) please…”

“I’m sorry, I just… I need to…” You clear your throat, dragging a hand through your hair before you hurry inside.

———

You don’t get much sleep that night, instead running over a thousand options in your head before settling on the only one that makes any sense - that you need to go.

By five, you’ve packed up your things into a bag, checked over everything twice to make sure nothing was left behind, and grabbed your keys to head downstairs. The house is silent, and littered with the fancy aftermath of the party. You glance behind you once more and step outside, fleeing towards your car.

“(Y/n)!” Even the sound of your name rings through a trauma from the night before.

You turn around against the bright morning light to see Conrad jogging towards you.

“What are you doing?” He asks you, a frown on his face.

“I’m…” You clear your throat, “I’m just heading out.”

He looks down at the bag in your hand and his shoulders drop, “You’re leaving.”

You take a deep breath, “I… I have to Con.”

“(Y/n) please,” He reaches forward and takes one of your hands into his, “I need you to know, I- I didn’t mean to hurt you. I never wanted that.”

You pull your hand from his grip and cup the side of his face, your thumb brushing his cheek, “Con, I know you didn’t. But, I can’t stay here like this. I can’t be here. Okay?”

He looks away from you momentarily and back up to your eyes, his seemingly losing their hope.

You brush away the strands of hair around his forehead, “I’ll see you around, Fisher.”

—— 2 Years Later ——

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Carmen asks you, perched on the edge of your bed, “I mean, seriously, how long has it been?”

“Two years,” You confirm, folding up another top to put into your bag, “And I think it’s a terrible idea, but I’ve got to bite the bullet eventually.”

“How do you think they’re going to react?” He persists, “Do you think they’ll be mad?”

“Um,” You take a deep breath, “Maybe. I think it’ll be a shock more than anything. I just, I want them to see me, you know? And, look, Jere never did anything wrong. He’s reached out to be a thousand times and I want to be there for him today - that’s all I care about.”

“And who can be mad at a little face like this?” Carmen looks down at the small bundle wrapped in his crib, peacefully asleep for now.

Your son had been born two months ago. You and Carmen had been dating through your first year of college before you fell pregnant. You’d split up only a few weeks before you found out you were expecting, but the two of you had managed to successfully co-parent so far. He came to all of your appointments, asked far too many questions, slept on the spare room in your dorm when he was worried about you, and had held your hand all through the delivery. Since then, you’d managed to both fit your schedules around taking care of your baby. He worked weekends and you worked evenings, he stayed in your dorm when he knew you needed to sleep and you both avoided a fair bit of socialising so that you could be there for your son. It worked. And, more than anything, you were the happiest you’d been.

“Alright little man, be good for Mommy okay?” Carmen lifts up your son, Kylo, from his bed, “I’ll see you soon.”

He sets the baby into his car seat and fixes the straps around his chest.

“I’ll help you get him in the car,” Carmen encourages, following behind you as the two of you leave the dorm and head down towards the parking lot.

He fixes the car seat into its slot in the car, checking it twice before he steps back.

“Alright, I’ll let you know if it’s a disaster and I’ll be driving back tonight,” You laugh a little, “And if you get an SOS text from me please put your foot down and get there as soon as you can.”

Carmen chuckles, squeezing your arm, “It’s going to be fine, okay? They love you and they miss you.”

You nod, “Let’s hope so.”

“Drive safe,” He steps back, letting you get into the drivers seat.

“Wish me luck,” You smile, waving goodbye as you reverse out of the parking spot.

It had been two years since you’d seen the Fishers, and even your own family. You’d left that day at the beach house and not returned. There were countless calls from your Mom, and Steven, and Susannah and Jere. But nothing from Conrad and Belly. You’d moved your things out of your home shortly after and moved into college as early as you could. It has been good for you.

The first big milestone was when you didn’t go home for thanksgiving. All of the family would be at Cousins and you told your Mom you couldn’t make it. The same again at Christmas. Eventually, a few months after, Laurel had stopped trying. She knew you needed your space, as much as she resented you for it. You’d kept in touch with Steven, and Jeremiah still spoke to you as much as he could. But none of them knew about Kylo. You weren’t ready for that yet. This was your son, you’d done it without them then and you could still do it without them. But he deserved to have them in his life. So, when Jeremiah had invited you to his graduation, you’d agreed.

It couldn’t be as bad as it was two years ago, right?

———

As soon as you arrive in Cousins, you stop at the hotel room that you’d booked for the two of you. Sure, you were okay with being here, but that didn’t mean you wanted to stay at the house.

You shoot Jeremiah a text to tell him you’re near and he tells you he’ll be waiting outside. You text Carmen to tell him you’re already considering turning back.

There was just something so strange about seeing these streets again, these houses, these places that held so many memories. And, as you near the water, the house that held more memories for you than anywhere in the world.

True to his word, as you pull up into the driveway, Jeremiah is waiting on the steps for you.

He hurries straight over to the car before you’ve even stepped out.

“Oh my god it’s so good to see you!” He grins, wrapping his arms around you tightly.

“You too Jere, I’ve missed you,” You squeeze him in return, “Thanks for inviting me.”

“Wh-“ His face drops a little when he catches sight of the seats in the back of your car, “Why do you have a-“

“Um, yeah,” You laugh a little, “I might’ve forgot to mention I was bringing a plus one.”

You open the side door to the back seats and unclamp the car seat from the chair, lifting it out.

“Jere, this is Kylo,” You let out a shaky breath, “My son.”

Jeremiah’s face drops, dumbfounded, “Oh m- I mean I- Congratulations! He looks exactly like you.”

You chuckle, “I’m sorry I didn’t mention him, I just didn’t know how to say it over a text.”

Jeremiah shakes his head, “Don’t apologise. Come on, nobody’s home, you can come inside.”

He takes your baby bag from you as you carry Kylo into the empty house, a flood of memories hitting you as you do. Nothing had changed here and yet everything had changed with you.

“Do you feel like you’re ready to see everyone?” Jeremiah asks, sitting down beside you on the couch.

“Not in the slightest,” You shake your head, “But I can’t wait any longer.”

“You’re right,” Jeremiah nods, “From what I’ve heard, they’re all just ready for you to come home.”

You smile, lifting Kylo out of his seat, “I’m ready for him to have a family too.”

Jeremiah wraps an arm around your shoulder and squeezes.

“Oh shit, I think that might be their-“ He stops himself, “Yeah, that’s them. Are you okay?”

You take a deep breath and shift your position on the couch, “I’m okay.”

You were far from it. You were sure your mind was racing a million miles a minute, and every muscle in your body was tense. You were sure Kylo could feel it too, whinging in your arms. Part of you wanted to run, but you’d done enough of that two years ago. Not anymore.

“Hey, Jere, who the hell is parked in the-“ It’s Steven’s voice first, “Oh my fucking god!”

He runs into the lounge and freezes instantly, his eyes widening, his mouth agape.

“Hey Steven,” You smile, standing up from the couch.

“You- uh- you…”

Your Mom, Belly and Susannah walk in shortly after, all of them stopping just as your brother had.

“(Y/n)…” Belly looks at you like you’re a piece she’s been missing, “It’s so good to see you.”

“Is this…” Laurel looks down at the boy in your arms.

“This is Kylo, my son,” You look up at her, “Your grandson.”

Her face both lifts and falls at the same time, unsure of what to say.

“Can I?” Laurel asks you, looking down at him, and back to you.

“Of course,” You hand him over, fixing his head into her arms.

Laurel gasps at the contact, smiling gently down at the boy as her eyes fill with tears.

“I’m-“ You clear your throat, no apologies, “I know it’s been a while. But a lot has changed, and I want you to be a part of his life. I want him to have his family.”

Belly steps forward and stretches her arms out to you, stepping once more to engulf you in her arms, her head burying on your shoulder.

“I’m so glad you’re back,” She whispers, sobbing a little into your neck as she tightens her grip.

You smile and hug her just as tightly back, “Me too. I’ve missed you.”

“Alright alright don’t leave me out,” Steven groans, squashing both of you in a hug of his own, towering taller than both of you now.

Belly pulls back and sniffs and you lift your hands to her cheeks, wiping her eyes.

“We’re okay, okay?” You nod at her, the same phrase you used to tell her when the two of you ever argued as kids.

Belly nods, squeezing your hands, “Okay.”

“Oh honey,” Laurel passes Kylo to Susannah who takes him with a bright smile, before your Mom turns to you, “I don’t even know what to say. I had no idea that you… I mean I didn’t even… I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.”

You shake your head, “It was me too. We both needed the space, right? We all did.”

She shakes her head too, “I’m just so sorry, I should’ve been there.”

You smile, “You’re here now.”

She steps forward and hugs you too, feeling so much smaller against you than she ever did before, perhaps you just feeling taller.

“You’re a Mom,” Her voice breaks against you, “I’m a Grandma.”

You chuckle and step back from her, “So much to catch you up on.”

Susannah hands Kylo over to Belly as he gets passed around to the waiting arms and she wraps you in a hug of your own, whispering something about how this family had missed you and it hadn’t been the same without you there.

But there was still one piece missing.

You sit down on the couch and Laurel and Susannah sit on either side of you. Belly, Jere and Steven all sit on the coffee table across from you as if they can’t possibly be too far away from you.

“I can’t believe you’re back in Cousins,” Belly smiles, “This is surreal.”

You chuckle, “Yeah, it’s weird. I just couldn’t miss watching Jere graduate.”

He grins, “I’m just glad you accepted the offer.”

Belly passes Kylo over to Steven who holds him as if he’s the most fragile object in the world.

You laugh a little at the sight, pulling out your phone and snapping a photo of the pair. You’d send it to Carmen later - a little sign of ‘hey, my family haven’t completely disowned me’.

“Okay, I have to ask the questions,” Laurel squeezes your arm, “How did this happen?”

“Well, Kylo was born about two months ago. I was dating a boy called Carmen in my first year of college, possibly the nicest guy ever but we realised we were better as friends. And a bit later I found out I was pregnant. He was there the whole time, don’t worry, and we’re surprisingly really good at co-parenting,” You explain, “I know it’s not conventional but, god, I think I was made to be a Mom.”

Steven laughs, “Yeah you got that from raising us three idiots,” He glances to Jere and Belly.

You grin. You’d never considered that when you were growing up. That mothering those three, losing so much of your childhood. It was setting you up for this. For mothering your own child, for bringing him up in your own way.

“He’s a pretty chill baby too,” You comment, “Like sleeps through the night, only wakes up once for a bottle. He even sits into some of my classes.”

“You’re still carrying on with college?” Laurel looks at you slightly shocked.

“Of course, I’ll just graduate with a toddler on my hip,” You beam down at your son in Steven’s arms, “I don’t need to lose my life because I’m taking care of him.”

Laurel looks at you with tears in her eyes before dropping her head to rest on your shoulder, like she’s trying to keep as close to you as she can. You don’t tense under her touch.

———

Later in the day, Jere, Belly and Steven have gone to the store for supplies and Susannah is setting up some bits for Jere’s graduation.

“Hey, do you need any help with anything?” You ask Laurel as she walks into the kitchen, “Kylo’s just had his bottle so I’m free if you need me to help.”

He’s strapped in a wrap to your chest napping against you.

“Oh god no you relax, we don’t need you to help,” Laurel encourages, “Sit down or something.”

“Come on Mom, I can help. What do you want me to do?”

She looks at you and sighs, “I think I spent 18 years asking you to do far too much, maybe I need to be making up for that.”

You clear your throat, “I don’t think that’s how it works.”

“I know, I know it’s not,” She shakes her head, “I just… I don’t even feel like you’re my daughter anymore. You’re so grown up, it’s like… you’re too much of an adult to be mine.”

You nod, “Yeah, well, a lot changed.”

“I hate that things got to the point where you felt you had to leave. I mean, I know everything happened with Belly and Conrad but I was just as much to blame, wasn’t I?”

You run your hand over the wrap across your chest where Kylo lay, “I never got a chance to be a kid, Mom. Not properly. It felt like my whole life Id been running one step ahead of them all so that I could catch them before they fell, shaping my whole life around making sure that they were in line and okay and that I was doing enough for you and for them but also making sure my whole life was perfect so that you weren’t disappointed and… it was draining.”

Laurel looks at you with a pained expression, her shoulders dropping with the weight of realisation.

“I went to college to get away from every shitty feeling that all of that gave me. I got away to finally be my own person, for once in my life just think about me,” You smile, “And it was good for me. I healed. I went to a therapist, I cried, I figured out my shit. I’m a different person now but I’ll always be your daughter. And I want Kylo to have his grandma.”

“I want that too,” Laurel beams, “(Y/n) I… I know I never know how to say these things but I’m so proud of you, honestly.”

Before you can respond, the front door clicks open and your head whips around quickly, expectant of who could be walking through.

“He’s at work,” Laurel comforts you, “He’ll be back tonight.”

“I-“

“I’m still your Mom, I know these things.”

You laugh in response as the other three all come into the kitchen, carrying bags of groceries.

“Oooh here Kylo I got you a present,” Steven rummages through the bags to find what he was looking for and eventually pulls out a small brown teddy bear, “Just securing my spot as favourite uncle.”

You grin, taking the bear, “Thank you Uncle Steven.”

“Oooh, we’ve got the beer in the trunk,” Jeremiah reminds him.

“Shit, yeah, we’ll be right back!” Steven says and both of them hurry back out.

“Beer?” You raise your brows at Belly.

She laughs, looking down at the bags, “Yeah, Steven managed to get a fake.”

“Of course he did,” You shake your head, “Want some help unpacking?”

“No, no, I got it,” She encourages, “You’ve got your hands full.”

You wiggle both of your hands in front of her, “The perks of this thing is that both of my hands are free, Bels. Don’t tread on eggshells around me, honestly.”

“Okay, this one is light,” She pushes one bag towards you.

Both of you potter about in silence putting away their food and it’s as if neither of you wants to break the comfortable quiet. This was the most time you’d spent together in two years, and you felt like strangers to each other.

“So, how’s everything going with you?” You ask her, turning back to the kitchen island.

“I’m good,” She nods, “I’m not…” Belly clears her throat, “I’m not seeing anyone.”

You laugh, “Did you not know how to tell me?”

She smiles and hits your arm, “It’s awkward, okay?”

You chuckle at your sister, somehow catching such a glimpse of yourself in her expression.

“We actually… me and Conrad… we ended things not long after you left,” Belly clears her throat, “It was for the best.”

“Bels I didn’t…”

“Don’t worry, it wasn’t because of you. I just think Conrad never really knew what he wanted, and maybe I didn’t either. I thought I was in love with that boy since I could remember, but I don’t think that was love. It was just the idea of him.”

You nod, “Well, younger Belly would probably thank you for figuring that out. But, tell me, is there anyone new on the scene?”

Before she can respond, the boys come tumbling in the front door again and you watch her eyes follow Jeremiah as he moves towards you both. There’s a brightness in them, one you’d only seen in your own when you were with Conrad. That was the feeling she was looking for.

“Jeremiah?!” You mouth to her and Belly widens her eyes at you in warning to not say anything more.

You raise your hands in surrender but give her a somewhat approving look, one that makes her cheeks ignite.

This was a pocket of home that you’d missed. One you didn’t realise you needed. Your siblings, this house, your family. It would always be important to you. And something about it felt even more magical now that you got to experience it with Kylo.

———

You find yourself focused on the sound of the door as if you can wish it to come sooner. Though you’re not sure why. You want to see him but you have no idea what to say to him. You have so much to tell him but you’re not even sure he’ll want to see you. Did he still hate you? Had he ever hated you? Would he hate you for not being here, for leaving?

You busy yourself with fixing the blanket in Kylo’s car seat. Jere and Steven had just gone to collect your stuff from the hotel - you’d agreed to stay at the house now.

And then it goes.

The sound of keys in the door, the door closing behind a familiar pair of feet. Rushed steps up the stairs, a left turn until they’re coming towards you.

And then your bedroom door opens, and a single figure stands in the doorway, slightly breathless.

“I saw your car on the drive.”

You stop in your tracks, the car seat behind your legs.

“I saw your car in the drive and I-“ Conrad begins again, “You’re home.”

You don’t have a chance to respond as he strides over and hugs you as if you’re a lifeline. His head buries into you and his arms around you as if he’s been needing you for years. His eyes are closed against you and you feel him inhale as if your presence had knocked every breath from his lungs.

And for a moment you’re frozen.

Until your arms kick into gear and they throw themselves around him too, holding him just as tight like you’re the only things holding each other up.

You feel him shift against you, that sort of shocked pause.

“(Y/n)…” His voice is quiet as he pulls away from you, “Is this…”

You step to the side to let him go past you as Conrad crouches down to the floor, his whole body cautious.

“This is Kylo.”

“Kylo,” Conrad grins, “You always said that’s the name you wanted for a boy. Do you remember? When we went to the boardwalk and there was that name on the-“

“The leaderboard for the go karts,” You grin, “I can’t believe you remembered that.”

“I can’t believe you did too, you stuck to your word,” He smiles, talking softly as if he doesn’t want to disturb the tiny bundle looking up at him.

Conrad’s fingers are at either side of the car seat and Kylo reaches up to grip onto his thumb. Con laughs like a sort of gasp, as if it is choked in his throat.

“I’m so happy you’re here,” He half-whispers the words and you’re not sure at first if it’s to you or to the boy in front of him.

But you settle on it being both.

Conrad looks back at you and breaks into an even wider grin, standing back up, “Can you just… tell me everything.”

He sits himself down on your bed and you sit down beside him. And this is it. This the final bit of home you were waiting on.

You and Conrad. Him and you. The piece you’d been waiting for.

———

The following morning, you’re up early with Kylo. You carry him downstairs and go about fixing up a bottle for him, the two of you resting on the couch whilst he drinks.

There’s a text from Carmen on your phone.

Hope they don’t hate you too much x

You shoot back a quick response of reassurance and send him a photo of Kylo smiling at you from last night.

Just as Kylo finishes his bottle, there’s a sound from the stairs creaking as someone comes down.

“Morning,” It’s Conrad, dragging a hand over his eyes as he does.

“Hey,” You return softly, “Why are you up so early?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” He grumbles, still in a half asleep state.

He drops down onto the couch next to you and smiles at Kylo, reaching out a finger to tickle his chest.

“Hey, could you do me a favor?” You ask him, “I need to change his diaper but the bag’s upstairs.”

“Yeah sure, what’s it look like?”

“It’s a black one, not the one with the handle but with the straps, and it’s like-“ You pause as you notice him watching you more and more confused, blinking at your explanation, “Okay, I’ll get the bag. Can you just watch him for a second?”

“That’s much easier,” Conrad grins and shifts on the couch so that he can hold the baby in his arms.

You stand up and head towards the door, hurrying upstairs to find the bag.

When you come back down, Conrad has Kylo stretched across his legs, his little feet hitting Conrad’s stomach and his head resting against his knees. He’s smiling down at him and Kylo grins tiredly up, giggling when Conrad tickles under his arms.

“You’re a natural,” You grin, coming down to sit beside him.

He looks up at you and raises his brows, “You think?”

“Well, he seems to like you,” You point out, not wanting to disturb the moment between them.

Conrad wiggles his hands beneath Kylo’s head and lifts him up, looking at you, “Where do you want me to put him?”

You snap back into reality, “Oh, right, yeah I’ve got a mat.”

He lowers the baby down onto it and then looks at you like he’s awaiting further instruction, “Come on, tell me what to do.”

“You want to change his diaper?” You laugh, “I can do it.”

“I’ve never done one before. I want to learn.”

“Alright, here,” You hand him over the wipes and a fresh diaper.

He’s far too slow when he starts and Kylo starts to wriggle on the mat, impatient of course.

“Does this thing not stay still?” Conrad grumbles, tongue between his lips as he concentrates on the task, his face grimacing just a little at the state of the dirty diaper.

“Put that one in here,” You hold out a diaper bag for him to dispose of it, “Alright, now wipe and new diaper. But make sure he’s covered - he’s a boy so that stuff can go everywhere.”

Conrad’s eyes widen as he takes your instruction, fixing the new diaper on - just a little wonky.

“There we go, fresh as a daisy,” He grins proudly at his accomplishment, “I think I could be pretty good at this.”

“Well that’s task two - making him laugh being task one,” You nod, “Not bad, Fisher.”

He lifts him back up onto the couch and lays him down beside you, Conrad sitting on the floor just in front of him like he’s already prepared to catch him.

He lets Kylo grab at the end of his hoodie, laughing at him before he turns to you.

“So, how does it all work? Are you… with someone?”

You shake your head, “We split up before I found out I was pregnant. But we’re really good friends, so it works. He helps out a lot.”

Conrad nods, “Well that sounds healthy.”

“What can I say? I’m mature now,” You joke.

“I think you always were,” He scoffs, “Especially compared to the rest of us.”

Both of you fall silent again and Kylo fills the space by gargling in some form of baby talk.

“What about you?” You clear your throat, drawing your legs to your chest on the couch, “Are you seeing anyone Mr Stanford?”

He scoffs, looking down at his hands, “No, no, I think I needed to stay away from all that for a little while. Clear my head.”

“And did you find anything in that clarity?” You taunt, yearning for the same connection the two of you had so long ago.

He looks at you for a second and pauses, “I guess I finally figured out what I want.”

For a brief moment you’re drawn to him, something in those eyes and that voice. But you tear yourself away.

“Well I’m glad the break was worth it,” You smile, looking away from him, “Sometimes that’s all that you need.”

You look down at your son and feel the same swell of pride you had when they first handed him to you in the delivery room. The same realisation that this was it now - this was everything.

“You know this place changed when you left,” Conrad comments, “And it’s changed again now you’re back.”

“Yeah, well, I always had that effect,” You wiggle your brows jokingly, lifting Kylo up from the couch to rest him on your lap.

Conrad pushes himself up to sit on the couch beside you and both of you fall silent in the seemingly empty house. He watches you with Kylo and is sure for a second that he’s looking at someone else. But it’s you. The one that was always made for this.

“I’m sorry if I-“

You both speak at the same time and look at each other with hints of smiles.

“You first,” Conrad encourages.

You take a deep breath, “I’m sorry if I made you feel like you couldn’t be with Belly. She told me you guys ended things not long after and I just hate thinking that I was… I don’t know, that I ruined things,” You shake your head, “I know it was forever ago.”

“You didnt ruin anything. Me and Belly… we… I think I always knew that she liked me. And I just, I hated the thought of breaking her heart. Like it would be my fault if I didn’t feel the same. And that night, I don’t know what it was, I just convinced myself that I could feel the same as she did,” He takes a deep breath too, like both of you are fighting for air against tightened chests, “But we’re must better as friends, we both know that. And I’d never… I never did… feel that way about her. I was just confused.”

You nod, “Now you go.”

“I’n sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren’t good enough,” Conrad exhales, “Because I know that’s how you felt, and I never ever wanted you to think like that.”

“Con…”

“Im serious (Y/n),” He shifts in his seat so that he’s facing you properly, “I was younger and naive and I knew that I liked you and I just… suppressed it. Because I knew if I started anything with you then I’d want that to be it, and I wasn’t ready for you to break my heart.”

You laugh a little, your eyes pricking just slightly with tears, “You think I’m a heartbreaker, Fisher?”

Conrad smiles, his cheeks flushed a little, his muscles visibly relaxed from what they were. He’d missed this. You, the way you knew him, the way you read him. He’d missed it all.

———

“We’ll watch him, you can go and shower,” Belly assures you, “And I’ll make sure Steven doesn’t do anything stupid.”

You’d spent the day in and around the pool with Belly, Steven and Jeremiah whilst Conrad had gone to work. They’d bought a float for Kylo at the store and were all impatient to use it - taking a thousand photos of him with his hat on laying back in the float.

“Alright, well just shout me if there’s anything,” You encourage, “I’ll just use-“

“(Y/n),” Steven says in a calm tone, “Relax, we’ve got him, I promise.”

You nod and step off of the lounger you’d been on, walking around the side of the house to where the outdoor shower still stood.

This place. It held memories you’d wanted to forget.

Before you step in, your phone starts ringing and you glance down to see Carmen’s contact on your screen, you accept the call and press the speaker button on your phone.

“Hey (y/l/n), how’s it going?” He says as soon as you pick up.

“It’s going well, yeah,” You turn back around to the garden where Belly was holding Kylo in her arms, “They’re all so excited to meet him.”

“Do they know about his super cool, super helpful, super present Dad yet?” Carmen taunts.

“They do,” You chuckle into the microphone, “They’re glad I haven’t been doing it on my own.”

“Yeah, well, they would’ve known that if they tried-“

“Carmen,” You sigh, “Less hating them, yeah? It’s going well.”

“Okay, you’re right, but I’m still not their biggest fans,” He comments, “What about the long lost love of your life?”

“Oh my god will you stop?” You widen your eyes at his words.

“Come on, I know that’s who you were most nervous to see,” He returns, “How’s it been? Do you still… you know, feel that way about him?”

“I-“ You glance down at the exact spot you’d been stood in two years ago, when you’d told Conrad the truth, “It’s Conrad, you know? He makes me laugh and he listens to me and he feels like… it feels like the piece of me that I’ve been missing.”

Carmen laughs, “And I’m guessing you haven’t told him that.”

“I already ruined things with that boy once, I can’t do it again.”

“Ruin things? (Y/l/n) I think you’d be telling him what he’s been waiting to hear for two years.”

Before you can say anything, the sound of a twig snapping behind you makes you jump from your thoughts and you turn around to see Conrad stood just metres from you.

“Um, Carmen, I have to go,” You stumble over your words into the microphone, “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Wear protection!” He yells down the phone before you hang up, your cheeks flushing bright red as you look back at Conrad.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to-“ Conrad mumbles, scratching at the back of his neck, “I just got back from work.”

“Right, yeah, of course, how- how was it?”

“Good,” Conrad nods, stuffing his hands into his pockets, “I didn’t mean to listen in, or anything. I just… I don’t even normally walk this way, I don’t know why I did but I thought I could hear people and so I thought maybe you were outside, not that I was looking for you, but well I was-“

“Con,” You interrupt, “It’s okay.”

He smiles, taking a second to breathe, “That was Carmen?”

You look down at your phone in your hand, “Yeah, just calling to check how I’m getting on. It’s the first time he’s been away from Kylo too.”

Conrad nods in understanding, “Yeah, of course, I bet that’s weird for him.”

“Yeah I don’t think I could ever leave Ky now, it’s a parent thing, I guess,” You scratch at a patch on your arm as the nerves seem to overtake you, “I should probably… you know, I need to shower before tonight and I-“

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll let you get on,” Conrad raises his hands and goes to step past you as you step into the booth of the shower.

You don’t make any move after that, thinking of every single thing you could’ve just said to him. How two years ago every word came to you all at once and, now, you can’t find a single right word to say. You feel your bottom lip tremble just slightly at the thought of everything you could’ve just told him but you shake it off.

“Hey, (Y/n),” Conrad’s voice speaks from the exact spot you’d just left him in, “What did he want you to tell me?”

You feel every bone in your body freeze at those words, practically sending a shiver down your spine. Your hands go numb, your eyes glazing over, your throat seemingly closing off any words.

As you turn around back to the entrance of the shower, there he is. Stood on the path with a look of hope in his eyes that you thought you’d never see again from Conrad.

“What did he want you to say?” He persists, eyes burning into you.

You exhale deeply, the tension in your shoulders dropping as if you’ve lost hope, “That I never should’ve walked away from you that night. And I hate myself every day for not fighting for you more, for not standing there and telling you that I’d wait for you. I’d wait for you in every life if that’s what it took for you to realise that you loved me. And I know I shouldn’t and I know it’s different now because I have a son and that’s complicated and you don’t have to want that or feel like you have to-“

He strides forward then, his hands coming up to cup either side of your face, his lips crashing into yours as if they’re returning home for the first time in forever. It’s messy and rushed and heated but neither of you care, both relaxing into a feeling you never thought you’d feel. Your hands grip at the material of his t-shirt like you’re convincing yourself that he’s real. And he is. It’s all real.

Your lips pull away first, rushing to catch every ounce of breath that had just been knocked from your lungs.

“I’d wait for you, (y/n). In this life, the next and the next after that, I’d wait for you too,” Conrad confirms, his eyes searching in both of yours, “This is it, okay? This is what I want, it’s what I’ve always wanted.”

You let out a laugh, somewhere verging on a sob as every emotion of every missed day seems to come out of you, “We’ve waited long enough, don’t you think?”

Conrad smiles, his hand moving to your chin to pull you into his lips once more.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to do that,” He mumbles just millimetres from your lips.

“I think I have some idea,” You return with a smile, kissing him quickly.

This was it. In this life, the next one and the one after that - this was where you could be truly happy.

#tsitp #the summer i turned pretty #conrad fisher #conrad x reader #conrad x you #conrad x y/n #conrad imagine #conrad one shot #conrad drabble #conrad blurb #conrad fisher x reader #conrad fisher x you #conrad fisher x y/n #tsitp imagine #tsitp one shot #tsitp drabble #tsitp blurb #tsitp request

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rrxnjun · 1 year

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where do broken hearts go? [lmk]

you know what they say about past lovers that can remain just as friends - either they're still in love with each other, or they never were in the first place.

pairing: mark lee x fem! reader

genre: exes to lovers. angst, fluff.

wc: 12k (11.926)

warnings: mention of sex, weed and alcohol, heartbreak, swearing, park jihoon of treasure is one sassy bitch and also accidentally somehow the main character of this fanfic plz dont @ me, inconsistent writing style bc i took 3 months and 3 depressive episodes to finish this fic

playlist: where do broken hearts go - one direction / too good to say goodbye - bruno mars / everytime - ariana grande / closer - waterparks / tornado warnings - sabrina carpenter / survive the night - the boyz

a/n: hey do some of you still remember me..... AHAHA tell a friend to tell a friend rrxnjun is BACK! this fic isn't the ideal vision i had in my mind but we are working on not being so hard on ourselves with our writing so! here we are. i still kind of like it :,)

When you walk up to your best friend’s apartment one day with a tub of ice cream under your arm and the biggest pout on your face, Park Jihoon makes a complete list of things you should do to get over your failed relationship with Mark Lee. And while you think your dear friend has some psychopathic tendencies sometimes, you’d say the list is actually pretty reasonable of him.

There’s something about the five simple steps that makes you wonder if it’s really as easy as Jihoon makes it sound. And while you doubt it– because the pinging pain in your heart makes it seem like the heartbreak is truly going to kill you in a few minutes if you don’t do something about it– you give it a try, because come on… you’d do anything to not feel like this ever again.

Step one – cry it out.

“He was a cunt anyway,” Jihoon mutters as he steps into the living room with two spoons in his hands, throwing one of them to you– while almost managing to hit you in the middle of your forehead in the process, adding a concussion to the mix of problems you have going on right now– and you find yourself furrowing your brows at his hateful comment.

“Why’d you say that?”

“Well, as your best friend, I’m supposed to be on your side, no?” he says as he takes a seat on the sofa next to you, watching as you wrap one of the thick blankets you got for the male around your figure– you bought it mainly for yourself, because his apartment is cold as a freezer and you knew he wouldn’t buy one for you to use in the first place– and shrugs. “Besides, he broke your heart, and any male who does that is a cunt in my eyes.”

“I broke up with him,” you mourn, “so I broke my own heart,” you snicker, despair fully filling you up from the inside– fitting everywhere into your lungs and choking you up from how bad you truly feel. Now, this isn’t your first breakup– you’ve had your fair share of boyfriends in high school (in your baddie era, as Jihoon called it), but Choi Yeonjun from Maths class and Jung Woonyoung, the guy you dated for a total of 2 months over the summer break before he moved away, weren’t exactly boys you found yourself falling in love with. Sure, you liked them, you kissed them and went on dates with them– hell, you even hooked up with Yeonjun once before you realized the relationship truly wasn’t for you– but no one managed to cave into your heart just as much as Mark Lee, your first college boyfriend did.

“But you sure had a reason for it, come on!” Jihoon huffs, taking the tub of ice cream from your hands and opening it for you, since you’ve gotten quite weak from the lack of sleep and nutritions ever since the break up, hands clammy and not cooperating. “You don’t just break up with someone to break your own heart. He did that, that’s why you said goodbye to him,” he says before sitting the enormous tub of ice cream between your two bodies, nudging you to dig into the frozen delicacy.

“Yeah, but–”

“No buts, young lady. We are here to make you forget you ever even dated Mark Lee, so open up, eat the ice cream and focus your attention on Titanic so you can finally cry it out,” he says, and by the tone of his voice, you’d think he’s angry with you. Jihoon has this aura around him that makes you think he’s always at least a little annoyed at everything– but he told you to not mind it and that it’s just his sassy bitch attitude.

He does have a point, though. You broke up with Mark because he broke your heart first– there was no other reason for it. If it was something minor, something small, you were sure you could work on it. You have, numerous of times before, brought up something and had a mature conversation about it– something you always so admired about Mark, being so cautious and understanding when navigating problems in the relationship– but when you bring up the same thing over and over, and it never gets fixed despite him telling you he’ll try harder next time, you think you’re allowed to feel a little heartbroken at his nonexistent efforts. And that’s exactly why you decided to quit the relationship– after a while, you felt like you were putting in more effort than he was, effectively making you feel like he’s not even that interested in dating you in the first place.

First, he just told you he was forgetful. He forgot he promised to pick you up from class one day– and you said that it’s okay, he is busy, after all– and it was the first time it happened, so you didn’t really mind that much, truly. Then, he forgot about the date you scheduled– but it was fine, because you didn’t have reservations anyway, you could change the day to any other day of the week, after all. He kept forgetting the stuff you told him in between the conversations you shared– and it was small things, you understand, but sometimes, you wondered if he was ever really listening to you at all.

Forgetful soon turns not interested in your eyes, and when he doesn’t call you in the evening like he promised he would, when he doesn’t show up to the party you invited him to, because he forgot it was that day, you’re one step closer to calling it quits, because each and every one of these situations sends a sharp pain into your stomach. The last straw was just last week, though– and realistically, it was an important day, as much that you thought the day is somehow gonna fix everything, but the truth is somewhere completely else as Mark Lee forgets about your one year anniversary and never shows up at your doorstep for the dinner you prepared for the two of you like he promised he would.

And it doesn’t click in him two days after either– you don’t even get a text. He got so forgetful over time that he forgot about you completely, and that’s when you took an uber to his place and broke up with him for good.

And even though the breakup was the most painful thing you’ve ever felt yourself go through, Jihoon is right– you’re not the one that broke your own heart. Mark Lee did that for you many times before, and this was just the breaking point.

“Fucking hell, you bought cookies and cream again?” Jihoon huffs when he takes another spoonful of the ice cream into his mouth, eyebrows furrowing at the sweet taste. Looking at him from the corner of your eye, you wipe your left cheek as you hum, immune to his nagging by now.

“You know I hate cookies and cream!”

“You know, Hoon, I bought this for myself. When you’re the one that’s heartbroken, we’ll share your favorite ice cream flavor instead,” you mumble, munching on the coldness on your tongue, sniffling a little when your eyes avert to the TV screen.

And after that, the teasing from your best friend’s side stops. Maybe it’s just because he hates to see you cry– and he rarely gets the chance, if you’re being honest, since you’re pretty good at handling your emotions– but you secretly know that it’s because when he looks back at the TV screen in front of the two of you, the sad part of the movie hasn’t even started yet and the tears are not the result of the movie, but of your own thoughts instead.

Step two – give him back all of his stuff and the stuff he’s given you that reminds you of him. Demand that he does the same.

Now, step two was a thing most couples do when they break up. Realistically, it makes sense– you wouldn’t want stuff that’s not yours just laying around, and also, it’s just bound to remind you of the person you lost. Naturally, you’d want to return it.

“Why does he have to return my things as well?” you mutter under your breath as Jihoon helps you fold all Mark’s hoodies into a cardboard box, alongside with wrapping the little things your ex boyfriend made out of ceramic for you in tissue paper like you asked him to– even though he complained and said that it shouldn’t matter to you if they break, because you are the heartbroken one– but you held those little things too close to your heart to let them get damaged in the first place.

“Because that’s how it works,” Jihoon hums, watching as you throw another one of Mark’s shirts onto the top of his head, shielding his vision. “What, you don’t want your stuff back?”

“I mean…” you mumble, deeply considering of the fact that the thought of getting your stuff back didn’t even cross your mind until now, before you realize your favorite pair of socks is thrown somewhere in Mark’s drawers– the blue ones with peaches on them– and you suddenly have the revelation that while you don’t necessarily need the stuff back, you’d love to wear those socks again. “I guess…” you note as you walk over to Jihoon and take a glance into the full cardboard box, looking over the stuff and chewing on the inside of your cheek.

“It’s like witchcraft, y’know,” Jihoon points out, looking at you with fierce eyes mirroring the stupid idea that just flashed through his brain, “if you don’t exchange the things, a piece of you is still kept at his apartment and you won’t be able to move on.”

And again, Park Jihoon does have psychopathic tendencies, but he may be onto something here. So you listen to him as you nod along and close the cardboard box, ready to drive over to Mark Lee’s apartment and drop off the things you’ve collected from him for the past year. The box includes all of the clothes messily scattered across your drawers and your closet, the picture frame of you two together that you always had on your night stand, the ceramic bowls and a little tiger sculpture he made for you when he took a pottery class with his friend Renjun, and the lost guitar pics you found under your bed and at the very top of your bookshelf from when he used to bring his guitar along and play you songs on rainy afternoons. The only things of Mark’s that you kept were the love letter he gave you for your birthday and the USB with his cover of Justin Bieber’s Off my face on it that he shyly gifted to you on one of your dates; but you would never tell Jihoon that in fear of him getting rid of those most precious memories for you.

It’s good to let go, but you don’t think you’re wrong for wanting to keep something to remind you of the good times. The times you still felt loved by Mark.

“Off we go,” you say, standing up and bringing the box towards your front door, your best friend at your feet. He promised to drive you to Mark’s place– you think he’s worried about you meeting your ex-boyfriend face to face for the first time since the break up, but he said it’s because you’re too broke to Uber all the time, efficiently throwing all the considerate thoughts you were accrediting him out the window– and after a few minutes of the drive, you find yourself standing on the doorstep of Mark Lee's apartment.

Taking a deep breath in and out, almost chickening out with the flood of thoughts and excuses you could say to Jihoon when you come back to his car with the box still in your hands– sayings like “he wasn’t home” or “he didn’t want those back”, the latter stupider than the first– you decide to face your problems head-on and finally knock on the mahogany door, waiting for Mark to answer. And he does– of course he does, because he’s always home, and as his ex-girlfriend of one year, you're painfully aware of the fact– but when that happens, you feel your heart falling all the way down to your stomach, crushing you and suddenly making it hard for you to breathe.

“Um… hi,” he greets you, voice a little groggy, as if he hasn’t spoken in a while– and when you meet his eyes, the deep chocolate orbs you always found yourself admiring and writing silent odes to in your head, you quickly glance away in fear of staring into them for too long and making decisions you wouldn’t like to make.

“Hi,” you awkwardly greet back, clearing your throat and moving a little in your place, shifting the weight from one foot to the other. You're surprised you're able to keep up with the conversation, thoughts running in your brain faster than you can comprehend them, heartbeat ringing in your ears from the unexpected anxiety. Maybe Jihoon was right and you should've taken a shot before coming here– at least you'd have more courage and social skills clearly needed for this kind of interaction. “I… brought you back your things,” you say, finally looking up at the male and chewing on your lips, letting out an awkward, tense laugh when he stares at you with an empty look, “figured you’d want them back,” you add, watching as the male opens his mouth and closes it in what seems to be shock before he presses his lips tightly together and nods at you.

“Uh, yeah,” he says, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly as he watches you clumsily hold up the cardboard box to him, ready to leave his stuff there with him and escape as fast as you can, not really minding how you'll get back to Jihoon's car– if jumping down the window of the entrance hall is the fastest option, you're ready to get to it. The truth is, everything is starting to get a little too hard to bear– his familiar scent filling your nose, the hoodie he wore to your first date enveloping his figure, his messy hair reminding you of the many times you brushed your fingers through it in attempts to smooth it down. It’s only been two weeks since you last saw him, but it was starting to feel as if you forgot about him already and were now relearning all the things you once fell in love with again, looking at him in the same light, yet noticing him and all the small details a little bit differently. “Thanks, I… I actually, uh… I have your stuff here too, so if you want it back I’ll– I can just–”

“Y-yeah,” you nod, almost a little too eagerly, “that would be… cool,” you say, trying hard to ignore the fact that he had your stuff packed too, intending to give it to you, and the crashing reality that comes with it, telling you he was prepared to do this before you were and how it’s making you feel kind of shitty.

Mark moves further into the apartment, the sound of him dropping the box to the floor filling your ears before he’s back at the door in no time, a similar cardboard box in his hands that he offers to you with a tense smile on his face. “Wanted to bring it around so I had an excuse to see you, but you, uh… beat me to it, I guess…”

Looking at him as you take the box out of his hands, gaze as if to tell him not to say such words to you when you’re still so fragile to his effect, you only nod and mutter out a simple “Thanks,” before you turn on your heel and intend to take the stairs back down.

“I’ll… see you around, then?” Mark calls after you as you take the first step out– something about it making you feel like it’s the first step out of his life, in a way– and you only nod, because one, you truly don’t know how else to reply to this question, and two, you really, really don’t know if you’ll ever see him again, but you can't bring yourself to say it to his face. Somehow, it would feel like torture to admit it– and you're not prepared for that reality just yet.

Rushing outside and getting into Jihoon's car, you almost feel like you’re on the verge of breaking, and when the male asks you how it went as he’s reversing out of the parking lot, you only bid him a one-word reply before you look through the box on your way home, too impatient to stay back from the memories.

And Jihoon didn’t really think this one through, because the fact that you gave Mark back the things that reminded you of him meant that he did the same, and now all the things you brought along to Mark’s apartment were in the cardboard box, all stained with countless memories and feelings attached to each and every single thing. The artwork you made for him, the little heart-shaped keychain you gave him for his birthday, the plant you gave him that was now long dead and dried out– those were once your stuff, but all in this world with the intention of love being sent out through them to your now ex-lover, and the fact that they’re in your possession again instead of his is not making letting go of Mark any easier.

And maybe Mark was right and he truly was forgetful, because as you rummage through the contains of the box, while you find out your favorite blue socks are nowhere to be seen, surely still buried somewhere in the drawers of his closet, obliterated out of his memory, there’s a gray hoodie sitting at the bottom and it’s surely not yours– it’s his and it was always your favorite, and you always used to wear it at his place when you got cold or when you just really wanted to smell his cologne, and you suddenly don't know if it's presence in the box slipped his mind or if he truly left it there on purpose.

Couldn’t he forget about that too?

Step three – block his number.

The third step comes into place after you accidentally slip out to Jihoon about the phone call you get on a Friday night– more like two hours into Saturday already– and now, most of all, you must admit that your best friend might be right about his advice.

Your phone starts ringing at 2:11 AM, and while you weren’t sleeping– you’ve been having some trouble with dozing off without being overbeared with thoughts lately– the name flashing on your screen shocks you for more reasons than one.

Mark Lee calls you, three weeks after your breakup, in the middle of the night. You haven’t spoken since the time he gave you back your stuff, and even though you’ve done quite a bit of stalking on his social media, you have no news of him or his whereabouts. Naturally, a call from him in the middle of the night startles you and shakes you to the core. He has no reason to call you, so your brain does the math and concludes there must be an emergency– and god knows that even after being hurt by him, you could never ignore him and leave him hanging in a state of need.

So you pick up– with shaky hands and a raging heartbeat, expecting the worst. Listening to the other side of the line, you take a deep breath in and out, bracing yourself for the impact of the words you’re going to hear. The voice on the other side is laced with haziness and his tone is almost a little tired– worn out, even– when he finally greets you from wherever he is.

“Hi,” Mark says, and for a second, your heartbeat steadies itself and the world stops spinning– he sounds okay, and for a moment, you’re grateful to hear his voice.

Humming, as if to collect your thoughts, you clear your throat before you offer him an answer. “Hello,” you greet, “what’s- what’s up?”

“Just wanted to hear your voice,” he says, almost a little abruptly to your question. He doesn't overthink his answer and he doesn't give himself time to think if it's a good idea or not– he just blurts it out and now it's your problem to deal with, when it's there, out in the open. Your palms get sweaty and you start to lose feeling in your fingertips, making you take a few seconds to yourself to process the situation before you decide to finally answer to the strange sentence.

“It’s late, Mark,” you mumble, and you involuntarily wonder if the sentence doesn’t have double meaning– it's too late for anyone to call at this hour, and at the same time, it’s been weeks since your ex boyfriend lost the privilege of listening to your voice when he can’t sleep in the middle of the night whenever he feels like it– and it’s now too late to do anything about it or make it any easier to deal with.

“Shit, sorry,” he chuckles to himself, and you suddenly recognise the laziness in his voice to be the effect of his and his best friend Hyuck’s Friday endeavors; the sweet coating of his voice being the effect of none other than the momentary bliss that comes with the relaxation of his body and mind when he's high. “Didn’t realize,” he concludes, making you shake your head at him in disbelief– not really mattering that he can’t see you in the act.

“‘s okay,” you mumble– and in your perfect reality, you hang up the phone now. In your perfect reality, you connect it to your charger and close your eyes, calling it a night. You fall asleep with no thoughts rummaging through your brain and wake up in the morning to a new sunny day, ready to take on the responsibilities of what’s to come, having productive days ended with smiles and a hot dinner you make for yourself just because you feel like it. In your perfect reality, you protect your own heart. This is not your perfect reality, though– and that’s why you stay on the line, listening to Mark ramble on the other side of the phone, intoxicated and slightly out of it. You wonder if he’ll remember calling you when he wakes up tomorrow. You wonder if he’ll regret it, or if he’ll just shrug his shoulders at the fact and go on with his day, not really paying you much thought when he’s sober.

“I was with Hyuck just now,” he says, and you hear the rustling of his sheets on the other side of the line, making you wonder if he’s washed up and ready for bed, “and– and I remembered how we all used to hang out together, y’know… you with us all– you always clicked with my friends and it was so cool and stuff… and I realized, right, they’re not as funny when you’re not around… but anyways… Jeno’s girlfriend asked about you, ‘cause she didn’t know…and telling her felt so silly, ‘cause they all kept looking at me and I knew they were pitying me, but it was my fault in the first place–”

“Mark–”

“No, it’s true. And it’s cool, I don’t– I don’t blame you, or anything. I just… I dunno, I guess it got me wondering…”

The line goes silent on the other side, and you settle into your own bed, giving him time to continue. When he doesn’t say anything for a long time, you wonder if he’s fallen asleep.

“Mark?”

“Hm?”

“You still there?”

“Yeah. How was your day?” he asks, tone of voice casual as ever, as if he’s forgotten about all the words he’s told you up until now– as if it’s not 2 AM and both of your hearts aren’t breaking at the sound of each other’s voice on the other side of the line.

“It… it was okay, I guess,” you say nonetheless, too hopeless to find a way to end the conversation before he does.

“That’s good to hear,” he says, sighing, “that’s… awesome. You still taking those yoga classes on Mondays?” he asks, and you snicker to yourself– because what kind of question even is that? Who asks that on a late night call, when there are more important things you two need to talk about?

“Yeah,” you lie, still. You haven’t been since the breakup.

“That’s great. Wouldn’t want you to… y’know,” he laughs to himself, “be too sad over this… ‘t was for the better, after all.”

You hear yourself hum– the noise way more stable than your actual words ever could be– and you find yourself feeling silly in the conversation, lying to your ex boyfriend through your teeth; because at the end of the day, you don’t want him to worry about you– because it seems to be the case that he is. And it’s stupid, because he hurt you and you shouldn’t care, maybe you should’ve even show him that you’re heartbroken and that he is the reason behind your pain and the way your life is falling apart, bit by bit, but you don’t find it in you to be so cold and heartless. At the end of the day, you still care about Mark and there’s nothing you could do about it. Turns out that breaking up with him doesn’t magically make the feelings go away– and you knew that, but now you have proof.

“What were you saying before, by the way? You… trailed off at the end,” you say, reminding him of his previous words.

“Oh, that,” he snickers into the microphone again, a heavy sigh escaping his lips as he twists and turns in the sheets, “don’t worry about it. It was selfish of me.”

It was selfish of him to call in the first place. But you won’t tell him that.

“What was it?”

“It’s just… I was wondering if I lost you forever, y’know… if there was a chance we could ever…” he trails off again, but this time, you don’t bug him to complete it. You’re not stupid– you know the implication of his words. You’ve known him for a long time, after all– maybe you should’ve predicted this when you picked up the call.

“I mean…” you hum, “you didn’t lose me completely, if that’s– if that’s what’s keeping you up at night. We’re still friends, aren’t we?” you say, and in the corner of your brain, you can’t even believe the words yourself– but if it was selfish of him to call, you think it’s okay for you to selfishly fill both of you with empty promises, just for the sake of not breaking your heart even further.

“Yeah,” he mumbles, “that’s– …I’m glad.”

The line’s silent after that, and you wonder if you two have used up the list of words to say to each other this time, if there’s truly no other answer at the end of this conversation. When the situation gets too much for you to bear, the heaviness finally settling on your shoulders and your chest, you finally find the courage to sniffle out a quiet goodbye.

“Good night, Mark.”

“G’night,” he drags out, mind still cloudy. “Love you,” spills out from his tongue, like a bad habit.

He ends the call before you get to say it back. Maybe that’s for the better.

And the truth is, you should’ve really listened to Park Jihoon and blocked Mark’s number after this encounter. But you didn’t– you’re too weak for Mark’s sweet words, finding yourself still hanging on to his saccharine voice and the muffled ramble he has reserved for you only every time he gets high and loses all self-control before calling you on Friday nights selfishly demanding your attention, somehow falling for him like a teenager over and over again despite promising yourself you're gonna move on for real now.

Step four – date someone new.

“So…” Jihoon starts one day, eyes glued to your skull like laser beams, the tone of his voice so incomprehensible you think he’s going to scold you for the actions of your previous days– even though you haven't told him about the midnight calls with Mark and so if he's not going through your phone, he has no way of knowing. Tense and nervous, still, knowing that the impact of his words could either heal you or cut you open like a knife– damn him for always being so brutally honest, no matter how soft his heart is for you– you smile at him with tight lips, crossing your arms on your chest in defense.

“So…?”

A nervous laugh almost escapes your throat. If Jihoon wasn’t suspicious of you before, he surely is now– or he just finds you strange by the way he furrows his brows at you and scans you up and down, taking a second for himself before he sighs and seemingly decides to drop the weird way you’re acting right now, shaking his head and focusing on the task at hand.

“I was thinking… my friend asked about you,” he says, nonchalantly looking down onto his hands and taking the dirt out from behind his nails, as if it’s not a big deal and he doesn’t even care that much. “Choi Hyunsuk from Biology, you know him– shabby haircut, kinda short, failed the class so he has to retake it this year…?”

“I think you’re forgetting the fact that the two of us have completely different majors, Hoonie,” you sweetly smile at him with irony, making him roll his eyes with a sigh before he tries again.

“The guy who ripped his pants at Xiao Dejun’s party last year?”

“Oh, that one! You should’ve said that earlier, of course I remember Choi Hyunsuk from your Biology class,” you nod hurriedly, the gears finally clicking in your brain.

“As if I wasn’t talking about him for the last few minutes–”

“Okay, and what about him?” you cut him off, already tired of his annoying tangent.

“I said he asked about you.”

“I heard that already,” you nod, looking at him with expecting eyes. “And?”

Jihoon stares at you, unblinking, as if you fell on your head and he’s trying to comprehend if you’re still here with him or if you got a concussion and need to be transferred into a hospital. When the contact of his eyes on your skin gets a bit too uncomfortable– you swear his looks could actually kill someone, if he tried enough– you furrow your brows at him in confusion and shake your head in disbelief.

“Why are you staring at me like that, Park Jihoon?”

“Just tryna see if you’re really that stupid or if you’re just pretending,” he mutters under his nose before he sighs again– his favorite activity whenever you’re around, it seems– and speaks up again, tone of voice reminding you of a kindergartener teacher trying to explain why it gets dark in the evening to a bunch of 4 year olds. “You know, when people ask about you, they are usually interested in you, as in, my friend Hyunsuk didn’t ask because you’re nice, but because you’re hot, if you know what I'm getting onto.”

“Oh,” you get out, eyes wide in concern and a little shaken-up, “well, that’s… nice of him, I guess.”

Jihoon only hums at you before he looks around himself and brings out the bag of chips that he left open by his right side only a few seconds ago, not really speaking more about the topic. It’s either he’s waiting for you to get what he’s hinting at, or he’s just waiting for you to get even more confused and ask him about it in a few seconds again– either way, he’s not the one doing more talking right now, because conversations with you, the most oblivious person he’s ever seen, are never productive if he goes too fast.

Chewing on the chips, his eyes go wide when you finally open your mouth and talk more about the topic at hand– just like he predicted. “Why are you telling me this?”

Your best friend swallows before he places the bag of chips back to its original place and turns his whole body so he’s facing you, speaking up again. “I was thinking that maybe, just maybe, you’d like to hang out with him. Like a date, before you ask– because I know you’re gonna ask– and why? – because, again, I know you’re gonna ask– because I simply think you should try to date again to get your mind off the loser you broke up with two months ago,” he says, blunt and honest, answering all of your unsaid questions at once, and before you know it, he has you snickering and shaking your head in disapproval.

“Absolutely not,” you retort, waving your hands in the air to only further show your disagreement with the proposition, “that would just be a massive catastrophe.”

“Why? Hyunsuk’s nice.”

“I didn’t say he isn’t, it’s just…”

“Just?” he probes you, eyebrows raised and questioning.

“I… don’t know,” you nervously chew on the inside of your cheek, aimlessly shrugging. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea, Jihoon.”

“Because of Mark?” he asks, and the moment his name escapes your best friend’s mouth, the whole room goes strangely quiet– you feel your heartbeat in your throat, the tips of your fingers start tingling and you swear that if you concentrate hard enough, you could feel a bead of sweat drip down your forehead with the incoming stress and nerves only the mention of your ex boyfriend brings you.

“No, that’s not it–”

“Sure,” he nods, sighing to himself– and there it is again, the judging look you so despise.

“You can’t just expect me to date other people a few weeks after my break up, Jihoon,” you exclaim, “that– that wouldn’t even be fair to your friend. You know I wouldn’t be invested,” you explain, and your friend rolls his eyes in frustration, sighing to himself.

“Oh but I know that! And Hyunsuk does too,” he shakes his head at you, “just thought the company of someone else could take your mind off things.”

“I have you,” you try.

“Yeah, but all we do when we’re together is mope about Mark Lee,” Jihoon snickers, “and don’t get me wrong, I’m more than open to bitch about your ex boyfriend and as your best friend, I don’t mind, but the fact that you’d be hanging out with someone else could take your mind off him, because you wouldn’t feel comfortable talking about him with someone else, y’know?”

You shut your eyes closed, a heavy sigh heaving out of your body as you try hard to concentrate and not lose it, and with how Jihoon’s tone gets softer and he’s not as loud with his brutal, yet logical advice, he must feel you getting overwhelmed and accommodates to your needs. “Look, it’s gonna be fun. I promise. Hang out with someone new, feel wanted and hot and pretty again, get some male attention that’s not your ex boyfriend, and you’ll see how it makes you feel. If you hate it, you hate it and you can slap me, I don’t know... If you don’t, you can keep dating around with my friends, and I swear I’ll hook you up only with the nice ones,” he takes your hand into his and waves it around in comfort, making you open your eyes and look at him again.

Seeing the softness and encouragement in your best friend’s eyes, you sigh to yourself. All this time, he’s tried to help you– what if you finally follow his advice? Who knows, it might even help.

Sighing, you squeeze his palm and hover over him to get the stranded bag of chips he’s guarding on the other side of the sofa. “Fine,” you mutter, “but let your friend know that he’s the one paying, okay?”

“Perfect. I'll text him your number, then.“

And maybe Jihoon was right and after dolling yourself up and dressing up in your favorite dress just so you would feel as comfortable as possible, you don’t feel as bad when his friend Hyunsuk picks you up in his white Volvo and chats with you on the way to the restaurant. He makes good small talk and even gets a giggle out of you, the music in his car is low and you find yourself slowly easing into the situation. You don’t remember when the last time you went out with a guy that wasn’t Mark was, but it’s surprisingly nice.

And Jihoon was right– you feel pretty. And when Hyunsuk opens the door for you after pulling up to the parking lot of the restaurant, you even feel wanted. You like the attention, just like any other girl would, and the smile you offer to your date seeps of tender shyness as you get out of the comfortable seat of his car.

The illusion, though, is soon broken as you notice the restaurant he pulled up to. Your smile freezes, your palms get sweaty and you feel your heartbeat rummaging against your ribcage as soon as the idle atmosphere of the restaurant opens up before you. And realistically, you could turn on your heel and get back to the car, tell Hyunsuk that you want to go to another restaurant– but you don’t do it, against your biggest wishes, because you worry that the boy already made a reservation and you don’t want to ruin an evening that’s going well so far.

“Everything alright?” your date checks up on you, seemingly noticing the frown on your face, and when his worried eyes meet yours, it’s sealed– you’d feel too bad for pulling out of the date now. So you only do what you always do best– you put on your best relaxed smile and nod, catching up to him and ensuring him that you’re all okay and you didn’t just talk yourself out of an anxiety attack.

Because you owe it to him and to Jihoon– both of them worked so hard to make you feel happy and help you to get over your ex boyfriend. It’s not Hyunsuk’s fault that he just managed to pick the restaurant your said ex boyfriend works at part-time. He had no way of knowing, and if you’re lucky enough, Mark wouldn’t be on today. He only works here part-time, it’s not like he’s here every day, and as far as you’re concerned, he only worked like two or three days a week when you dated. It would be a weird coincidence for him to be working the day you go there with your new date– you hope you’re not that unlucky.

Hyunsuk is a gentleman. Opening up doors for you, pulling out the chair for you, letting you talk and not interrupting you. He watches you with fond eyes and you almost try to feel bad for the fact that even if this ended well, the poor boy would just end up being a rebound. He deserves so much more, and you start to worry if this date was a good idea after all. Wasn’t it selfish of you to agree to this?

“What do you want to get?” he asks as you open up the menu, and you squint at the prices, mentally taking a note to order the cheapest thing just in case he wants to pay for you at the end of the evening.

“Spaghetti Bolognese,” you blurt out, despite it not being your favorite meal. Hyunsuk just stares at you with squinted eyes, but doesn’t disagree with you. After all, he has no way of knowing that you dislike the taste of the sauce in most restaurants– even though your conscience tells you that Mark knew that and always made sure to remind you about it before ordering for you, worried that you won’t get to eat much that evening– the only thing left to hope is that it tastes good in this particular place.

“Okay, sure,” he nods and puts the menu down, smiling at you before engaging in a comfortable conversation with you. It feels like you’ve known Hyunsuk forever– his personality oddly reminding you of Jihoon’s caused mainly by the fact that the two have grown up together. Everything flows soundly, but you still find yourself anxiously picking at your cuticles as you cautiously look around the restaurant, fearing the fact that you could catch a glimpse of your ex boyfriend at any second.

And maybe you should be a psychic, because those bad feelings were not there for nothing– when you see a waiter walking out of the back and eyeing your table, ready to get your order, the boy is a few inches taller than your current date, raven hair messy, but still a little styled, dark circles under the man’s eyes, and there he is– your ex boyfriend. Mark Lee halts in his movements, wearing his work uniform, eyes wide, a hint of something that breaks you at least in two mirroring in his orbs before he turns on his heel and disappears in the back again. When he doesn��t come back and his co-worker joins you and Hyunsuk at your table with a warm smile, you stop waiting to see the glimpse of him you selfishly desired to catch despite fearing the interaction the whole evening.

You want to fall through the floor and disappear in the depths of this earth. For some reason, you feel mortified. What would he think? And why do you even care about his feelings? A million different thoughts run through your brain and you worry that you’re being too distant from your current date, but Hyunsuk’s warm eyes reassure you that he doesn’t mind.

Piercing the food on your table with your eyes, you try to battle the noisy words running around your brain.

It’s easy to say you’re over someone when you don’t see them. To have them in front of you, meet their gaze and acknowledge their existence and still be able to nod and say that you’ve moved on, is something completely different.

Were you ever convinced that you were over Mark Lee in the first place, though?

After all of this– the months of following Jihoon’s advice, although making a few mishaps along the way as you continue to pick up Mark’s calls on Friday nights, snoop around his socials and let your mind wander to places it shouldn’t, overthinking everything and making you wish the relationship never ended in the first place– it’s time for the last step of it all. The last, most crucial part of this whole moving on process– the most important one, if you may.

Step five – avoid him at all costs.

Sounds easy, right? After the four previous steps, you’d already cried plenty about the lost months with your ex-boyfriend. You’d already given him back all of his stuff, not tying yourself to him with any material memory. You’d already gone on a date with someone new, choosing to distract yourself instead of letting yourself feel the emotions. After all the previous steps, this one’s supposed to be the easiest one. The one you’re supposed to want to do, after all. The break-up wasn’t messy, but it was still painful– it’s only natural for you to not want to see Mark ever again, right?

Wrong.

Because you never listen to the advice you’re given. That just wouldn’t be you, would it?

And so when Mark Lee calls you one day and tells you that he has a free train ticket to the Bukhansan stop, explaining that he was supposed to go hike there with Donghyuck who canceled on him last minute because of an assignment due midnight, you don’t really hesitate much before you shoot him a short text saying that you’re down and get ready for the short hike.

When you meet your ex boyfriend at the station, his figure slightly slouched up until the moment his eyes meet yours, you feel the quiet tension in the air. You’ve seen each other a few times before this meeting– on a party you went to with Jihoon, at the campus when you went to class one morning, your ex boyfriend walking you towards the Art building, hell, you’ve even met in the grocery store, all accidental and making your heart leap in your chest with tension. This time, though, you’re here completely intentionally, just to hang out with him, and something about the fact makes a dull pain shoot all through your intestines, a sensation so uncomfortable you try to hide with a tight-lipped smile.

“Ready for the hike?” he asks, adjusting the bag on his back, playing with the straps with clammy fingers. You can’t help but notice how he looks just like a little boy, in his little world, shielded from everything. He seems to have taken a protective stance, and you hate how the air between you shifted from how you two used to be when you were dating. Mark seems scared. Nervous. On top of his feet. Maybe you shouldn’t have agreed to this at all.

You’re already here, though. Turning around and leaving wouldn’t really work right now, as you take a step towards the train that’s just arrived, humming to your ex boyfriend in agreement. Taking a seat on the place Mark’s pointed to you on the train ticket, you try to loosen up your muscles and get as comfortable as you can, clearing your mind as you gaze outside of the window.

“How have you been?” he asks, clearing his throat.

Pressing your lips into a tight line, you turn to him as you search for an answer. “Better,” you nod, voice quiet. “You?”

Mark hums, chewing the inside of his cheek. “Good, good,” he lies through his teeth, “I’ve seen you at the restaurant the other day,” he hints, and you battle the sigh that’s begging to cut out of your throat. You don’t know where he’s going with the sentence. It’s not a question– only a proposition, barely even that– and you could ignore it with a nod of your head, you could pay it no mind as you see the bitterness in his gaze and the slightly self-conscious averting of his stare. You don’t know where he’s going with the conversation, but frankly, you don’t know where you are going with your answer either, as you shrug to him in a casual manner and peep under your breath.

“Yeah,” you say, “that was just… Jihoon’s friend from uni, I suppose,” you complete, and the sentence hints at nothing– it doesn’t clear out the confusion, it doesn’t outright say anything that could make Mark believe that it was just a casual hang-out with a friend, but still, you see the boy visibly relax as he nods to you and offers you a tight-lipped smile.

“Oh,” he hums, looking out of the window, past the profile of your face. The change in topic is sudden and sharp, but also welcome as he falls into a casual conversation with you, and suddenly, you’re reminded by the Mark you once knew– the guy you’ve once called not socially awkward, but so social that it’s awkward– as he talks to you about his day and rambles on about the weather. “It’s good that it won’t rain today, I bet the view will be nice.”

Locking your gaze with him for a brief second, you lick your lips and point your eyes towards the ground. It’s good that it won’t rain today, as opposed to last time you two went to the Bukhansan trail. You wonder if he remembers.

Before you have a chance to mention it– and in all reality, you won’t, no matter how bold you could be feeling at the moment– the train comes to a stop at your station and you hop out of the carriage, ready for the hike.

It’s easy to forget how messed up things have gotten between the two of you when you walk alongside with your ex boyfriend, laughing at his silly jokes and gasping at everything he shows to you with a pointed finger, finding yourself admiring the sound of his giggle when he spots a squirrel pass your path somewhere near the top of the hill. The trail is almost empty at this hour, since the two of you have decided to go in the late afternoon, and you find your soul to finally be at peace after so many weeks, you finally feel relaxed in the nature, one with the wind and the gentle sound of birds chirping lullying your running thoughts to a rest.

You realize that this is just what you needed all this time. You needed to get out and walk for some while, to tune out yourself and to accept the fact that you’re still here, for another day, and something about that is still a blessing. Watching the back of Mark’s head as he walks a step in front of you due to the narrowness of the trail in this area, you smile to yourself. It’s easy to forget just how much you were hurt by him when he heals your soul with such a simple gesture. It’s easy to forget you were hurt when he seemingly tries to put all the broken pieces back together, glue them to where they were in the first place, when things were easier and you both didn’t have so many things to worry about.

You reach the top just as the sun starts setting over the horizon, and there are only a few people scattered across the peak, sitting on their own picnic blankets and gazing into the distance. The hues of the sky paint the world in a different color, the oranges, pinks and muted purples playing with your heartstrings as you come to a halt and crouch down and feel the presence of another soul mirror your actions only a meter away to your right, his gaze glued to your side. The view is beautiful, but the feeling of being watched isn’t ignorable anymore, and so you turn to your companion and raise your eyebrows at him, wondering if he has something to say.

You don’t know how you’ll be able to come back to your life after this and pretend you still don’t want to spend every passing second with the man on your right. You don’t know how you’re supposed to ignore the ever so growing love for him– even though after being so disappointed with the past, the feelings should be decreasing, not doing the opposite– and frankly, you don’t even want to think of going back to the way it’s been for the past few months. And so you don’t– you allow yourself to indulge the moment, to ignore the pain that’s about to come, just so you could hold another beautiful memory to your heart and enjoy the moment before it hurts you to think of it tomorrow morning.

“It’s even more beautiful than the last time,” Mark hums, but his eyes never leave your figure– if you were still dating, you bet he’d come out with a cheesy line about how you’re prettier than the view, or something. “It didn’t rain this time around, thank god.”

Gazing at him, you shake your head in disbelief. Scoffing, you play with the grass between your fingers. “You remember that?”

“Yeah,” he hums, “I remember a lot of things.”

The sentence makes you bitterly chuckle. He knows why you’re reacting the way you are– and you have every right to. He claims to remember a lot of things, but the ones important to you, the ones you wanted him to remember, he failed to save into his memory. And that’s eventually what made you break up with him, at the end of it all.

At your reaction, he sighs and drags a hand across his face, seemingly realizing the weight of his own words and just how ridiculous he must have sounded to you right now.

“I- That-” he stutters, shaking his head, “that sounded stupid right now, considering… everything… Didn’t it?”

“Kind of,” you nod, not wanting to meet his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he blurts out, voice suddenly raw and serious, so different to the tone he’s been using with you the whole afternoon, “I don’t- I can’t remember if I said that back then, when you- when you… broke up with me, but I really am sorry, Y/N. You didn’t deserve that, and I am in no way shape or form trying to make this about me, but I hate myself every day for the way things turned out and if I could go back to that day, I’d do so many things differently.”

The sky in front of you deepens in reds and you taste iron on your tongue, suddenly hyper-aware of the fact that you’ve managed to bite on your lip too hard in the midst of the conversation. Tearing out stems of grass with your clammy fingertips, you focus on the clouds running through the sky, calculating your next response.

“Okay,” you nod, not giving him much else. The answer perfectly encapsulates the way you feel on the inside right now– you don’t know if you’re ready to accept his apology, if you’re ready to let go of it and act like you weren’t hurt or that none of it ever happened, but you listened to him and you internalized his words. He is sorry. He knows he was in the wrong. And you were aware that he knew all of this before– hell, you’d even go as far as say he knew it the moment you knocked on his door that day and told him it was over– but hearing it from him surely moved something inside of you to a more comfortable place.

“I-” he starts, voice breaking making him clear his throat before he continues, “I don’t expect you to forgive me. And I know I shouldn’t have expected you to still be my friend after all of this, and that- I shouldn’t have even called you so many times and approached you at the store and stuff, but um-” he mumbles, shrugging to himself, “I guess I just couldn’t stay away from you. And again, I don’t expect you to forgive me, I don’t expect you to do anything, really. So… yeah…”

Snickering at his aimless monologue, you shake your head in disbelief. “Mark?”

“Yeah?” he stares at you, eyes a bottomless pool of emotion.

“Why did you invite me here today? What was the… point, I guess?” you ask, hugging your knees to your chest as the breeze makes goosebumps appear all over your body.

Mark offers you a sad smile, head leaned to his right as he shrugs, and this time, his eyes don’t leave yours as he spills the truth into the air. “I guess I was just feeling selfish today,” he hums, and the sentence makes you cringe with the memory of his first call to you after your break up, “wanted to spend time with you.”

“Here, of all places?”

“Yeah,” he nods, “told you. I was feeling selfish.”

Snickering, you look away, staring at the sky again. The colors are starting to blend together into a deep, dark purple– the horizon darkening as the sun starts to say its final goodbyes to the day. You sigh to yourself, yet feel no bitterness or terror at his words. Somehow, you understand. Somehow, you get him a little too well. Somehow, you think you knew the moment he texted you today, and somehow, you think you felt it in your bones when you didn’t say no, although you could have. There’s calmness in your soul when you nod at the implication of his words, leaning back on your elbows and plopping your bottom to the ground, sitting at the dusty surface.

“You said you didn’t expect anything out of me today, Mark.”

“And I don’t,” he says, voice soft.

“And you brought me here to remind me of the last time we went?” you stare at him, a hint of a bitten-back smile playing with your lips. “Because you’re selfish?”

He nods, not escaping your gaze. “To remind you of the last time we went. To show you that… I remember, I guess. And that I still care, just like the last time. If not more.”

“Mark, you can’t just say all of this and expect nothing out of me right now,” you mutter.

“Actually, I can. Because that’s what I’m doing. I’m just… laying it out in the open, and what you do with the information is completely, completely up to you,” he explains, and you find yourself chuckling at him, the atmosphere instantly lighter as you hear his voice in its usual casualness, talking to you as if he was just unpacking what went on in class today, and not the starting and the end of your one year relationship.

And he’s right. What you do with the information is completely up to you, and the next steps and the progress of your relationship with Mark Lee is also completely in your hands. You could turn away and never talk to him again, you could curse at him and tell him that it’s too late now and he missed his chance, but if that was the case, you wouldn’t be here in the first place. He wouldn’t be inviting you to this place, lying about his roommate canceling just to trick you into going, and you wouldn’t be blindly accepting the invitation, wanting to see where the afternoon brings you.

“So you still care about me?” you hum, looking at him from under your eyelashes, noticing his slouched-over pose as he looks back at you over his shoulder.

“Always have,” he admits, “never stopped. Despite not really… acting like it in the past few months.”

“Why’d you stop acting like it, then?” you ask.

A sigh escapes his lips, his head turning forward before he leans back and sits cross-legged on the ground, more comfortably now. Shrugging, he answers the question. “I guess I just got too caught up with different things. And don’t get me wrong, you were always my priority, always, but I was all over the place with everything and my mind just couldn’t… there were too many things to keep up with and I couldn’t stay up to date with everything,” he says, “and I know it’s not an excuse, but it’s an explanation, and it doesn’t make it better or undo the pain I’ve caused you, but it’s… at least you know it was never because I’d care about you any less.”

His eyes bear into yours with such honesty you think the weight of the world will crash on you any minute, and suddenly, the whole situation seems so much clearer.

And you wouldn’t take it back, you wouldn’t undo the breakup or do anything differently, because at the end of the day, you think it was needed. Perhaps the time apart was what he needed as a wake up call and what you needed to shield yourself from hurting more.

“Stop me from saying it if you… if you don’t want to hear it right now,” he hums, voice barely louder than a whisper. There seems to be a silent communication between the two of you, a connection of some sort that brings out the strange telepathy, but you just nod at him, a gentle smile playing with your lips as you understand exactly what he means, telling him that it’s okay and that you don’t mind– you welcome, you need to hear him say it again.

Licking his lips, he turns to you fully, facing you. There’s not a hint of nervousness in his body, having done this a lot of times before, and then it happens– the repeated confession, confirming what was there the whole time, never leaving even when the times were rough.

“I love you,” he says.

And isn’t that all that’s needed?

A year is a long time with someone. Somehow, you wouldn’t want the time to go to waste. At the end of the day, if love is still present, isn’t it worth trying? One more time?

“And you still don’t expect anything from me?” you ask, gazing at him softly. “You don’t expect me to say it back?”

“No,” he breathes out, shrugging. “I just needed to get it off my chest.”

“Because you’re selfish like that,” you nod, teasing him.

“Because I’m selfish like that,” he agrees, breaking out into a slight grin.

Looking at the sky, now completely dipped in dark purple, you sigh to yourself at the turmoil of the conversation. You don’t say it back– although you feel it, you know it’s in there, playing with your heartstrings and clenching the muscle in the palm of its hand– you know love is there, deep inside, for the man that’s currently staring at you as if you hung the very stars appearing on the sky there yourself, stolen them from your own eyes and gluing them there selflessly, for everyone to see. You don’t tell him you love him back, you don’t tell him you forgive him or accept his apology. You don’t worry about what tomorrow will bring you, what your brain is going to tell you when you come down from the hill and get home, lay in your bed and overthink. You let the worries escape you, letting fondness and calm envelope you in a tight hug instead.

“Okay,” you nod, watching the boy next to you look at you with curious eyes. You take his hand into yours and place it on your thigh, playing with his fingers for a heartbeat before you meet his eyes again and smile. “I won’t say it back, but for all it’s worth, Mark… I’m glad you remembered.”

And that’s all he needs– there is love, there is fondness, and there is the silent confirmation that all you need right now is just a bit more time.

Where do broken hearts go?

Somehow, you think they hold on to the place where it all started. Somehow, you think your heart never went anywhere– it stayed on this hill, waiting for you to pay it a visit and pick back up everything right from where you left it.

“It doesn’t seem like a good idea to go here today, Y/N,” Mark laughed behind you as he looked up to the sky, the dark clouds shielding the sun that had been previously shining down on your hiking figures, casting an orange glow on the strands of your hair.

“Well, there’s no turning back now,” you shrugged, turning to him and grinning as you tugged on his hand, grip strong as you dragged the boy up the trail, your sneakers fast against the dirty ground. “We have finals starting next week and it’s gonna be too cold to go after the exam season is over, so we gotta go now.”

“I kind of regret telling you that I’ve never been here before now,” Mark sighed, but followed you nonetheless, breathlessly following your excited stride. It was October, the leaves on the trees were welcoming the two of you in shining colors, and the wind kissing your skin turned a bit chilly in the evenings– courtesy of the warm hoodie Mark shyly lended you when you shivered for the first time, adoring the way you, his friend, looked in the light gray fabric. Something about you wearing his clothes made the boy a bit hopeless about the day. Maybe he’ll have enough courage to confess his feelings to you, he thought. Maybe, despite the first raindrops falling on the skin of his bare arms, this evening will have a happy ending for you and him.

“Oh, please,” you squinted at him, continuing to run up the hill– thank god it wasn’t that steep, serving both of you as the perfect hiking difficulty, “even if you wouldn’t have, I’d drag you here anyway. It’s like, my favorite place to go in Seoul, haven’t I told you before?”

You have, Mark thought. But he was okay with hearing it again.

You squealed when the raindrops got heavier and the rain started pouring faster on the two of you, and Mark found himself laughing at your running figure. He was right behind you, praying that you don’t slip on one of the rocks and break your leg on the hiking trail, but he encouraged you with sweet comments and a hand on the small of your back as he watched the tip of the hill appear right in front of his very eyes, your body coming to a satisfied halt when you reached your destination.

“Tada!” you grinned at him, twirling a little like a ballerina, showing him the place with outstretched arms. He tried hard to observe the place, but his eyes stayed glued to your excited figure, gaze bearing into yours as you looked at him, amidst a little flustered, with sparkly orbs and a bright smile on your face. Your hair was a mess, his gray hoodie enveloping your body was slowly growing darker in color from absorbing the rain, and your sneakers were getting a bit muddy from walking around the place. He wanted to remember this moment forever, he thought– this version of you, the smiley expression on your face, the carefree and excited nature of your step.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” you exclaimed, jumping around and nearing the boy, but as you went to take his hand to drag him around the top of the hill once more, your feet slipped and you fell forward, a surprised squeak battling its way out of your throat.

Your whole life flashed in front of your very eyes in that moment, embarrassment spreading down your neck at the fact that you were about to fall face first onto the ground in front of your crush of a few months, before your body collided with a soft, yet firm mass engulfing you closer. A pair of strong arms steadied you against his chest, and when you looked up at your friend, you swear all words were taken out of your dictionary, the sight leaving you speechless.

“It is,” he gaped, eyes bearing into yours. Mark was agreeing with you, but something in the back of your head was telling you that he didn’t really admire this place as much as you did– his curious gaze was always plastered somewhere completely else.

That place being your face, of course. And your eyes, your cheeks, the mess of your bangs, and occasionally– screw that, almost always– your lips. Much like in that moment, a few centimeters away from his face, so inviting he thought it would be a crime to contain the urge.

And so he didn’t– he didn’t control his feelings and the ever-so growing yearning for you, as he silently leaned towards your face and captured his lips with yours in a firm, yet short kiss.

He looked at you with a nervous tint behind his gaze when he leaned away, the sight of your wide eyes staring at him making a slight flush grow on his cheeks. You looked so beautiful in that moment– flustered, surprised, with messy hair and lips still apart– and he was relieved to not find a hint of a displeased emotion in your expression.

“Okay, so- well-” you stuttered, laughing to yourself, “this didn’t go as I planned, but I guess I’m happy as long as the final result is the same,” you hummed, standing on your tippy-toes and pressing your lips against him once more, this time letting yourself enjoy the moment fully, mouth moving against his in a careful, yet excited rhythm. He tasted like the strawberry candy you offered him on the bottom of the trail and smelled a bit like rain, the mixture always staying in the depths of your mind as his warmth enveloped you in comfort and a feeling of home.

“The final result being…?” he asked when you pulled apart once again, a dazed expression overtaking his sharp features.

“Us,” you shrugged, “like this,” you clarified.

Mark laughed at that, hugging you closer to his chest. You rested your head on his shoulder, listening to the sound of raindrops washing away the top layer of dirt off the rocks on the tip of the hill, hands sneaking around his waist and enjoying the way they wrapped around him so tightly and so comfortably. You in his hoodie, in your favorite place, standing in his arms. It was raining, but it didn’t matter.

“Mark?”

“Hm?”

“If we ever get lost, or something happens… bring me back here, okay?” you mumbled close to his ear, lips gently glazing the skin of his ear, making goosebumps appear all over your new lover. “I’m convinced that this place could fix everything.”

“Even us?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re not allowed to ever leave me now, what would there be to fix between us?” you smacked his shoulder, snickering to yourself.

“You never know,” he laughed, “what if I accidentally mess up somewhere along the way?” he asked, threading his fingers through your hair, smoothing down the wet mess.

“Okay then,” you hummed, “even us.”

Staring into your eyes, letting the moment play out by itself, Mark swore he’s never felt more at peace. He wondered if it was the effect of the place, the rain, or just your sheer presence. “I’ll remember that,” he giggled before he let go of your body, petting your head as he took a hold of your hand, tugging you down from where you came from, “now let’s go home before we catch a cold.”

Nodding, following the man as you both carefully, yet fastly made it down the trail, you enjoyed the way his hand fit into yours and the way you knew that after this, you can’t ever come back to being friends with Mark Lee. He was all yours, completely, utterly yours, and you knew in the back of your head, that you were his– and nothing will ever change that.

You would always come back to the hill with him. It felt ridiculous to think about you two ever having to fix anything between the two of you back then, but even in that moment, you knew that for him, you’d keep trying. As long as he does– as long as he remembers.

Where do broken hearts go? You guess they always come right back to the place they come from– and they leave glued back together every single time.

You guess your heart never really left the hill.

1K notes · View notes

newluvrs · 5 months

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Sungchan ₊ ⊹₍ᐢᐢ₎ mdni!! 18+ currently listening to: VENUS AS A BOY - BJORK word count: 3k bb note: sungchan is so Venus as a boy coded

Its 4:37 a.m. when you finally close your laptop for the evening. Your skin feels like shit and you’re practically vibrating from the amount of espresso shots that were in your iced latte. You haven’t moved from your desk since noon, only taking miniature breaks to go take a piss and grab a quick snack. Finals week always makes you feel barely human. When you finally turn off dnd on your phone, your met with a trillion notifications, but only a specific person holds all your attention. Your heart lurches when you see Sungchan’s name under missed calls, you almost feel guilty recalling your demand you made earlier this week, almost.

“Are you serious?”

“Sungchan, please I am quite literally begging.”

“Baby, I just don’t understand why you don’t want to study with me...”

You know damn well he knows why and just wants to make you say it. You look at him with a bored expression on your face.

“You’re distracting.”

When he feigns confusion at your simple response, you roll your eyes before continuing.

“Fine. If you want me to be vulgar I’ll be vulgar. We both know that I want to fuck you all the time. You know that it only gets worse when I’m stressed. I can’t sit there with you and just study when 90% of the time all I can think about is jumping your bones.”

“90% of the time, huh?”

You want to kiss the stupid smug grin off of his face, but you settle instead for turning your back to him, trying to steel your resolve.

“It’ll only be a week… it can’t be that hard, right?”

Except that’s absolutely not true because why would he ever make things easy for you? It’s only been a few days since, and you can no longer count on both hands the amount of times you have had to stop yourself from driving to his place. It’s not even his fault, for the most part. Your boyfriend is just so hot. You swear BeReal is plotting against you when the timer has just so happened to go off every day this week when he’s in the gym. How are you supposed to contain yourself when he walks around looking like that, and always so willing to give you what you want. You’ve had to pause in the middle of studying a couple of times this week just to get yourself off. Truly you are no better than a man.

Sungchan himself has pleaded with you a couple of times to just let him come see you. Trying to explain to you that you’re being ridiculous. In his head he can’t understand why you won’t just let him be there to help relieve your stress. He knows that you’re the insatiable one in this relationship. You having explained to him after you first slept together that your sex drive tended to be high. And he’s always been more than willing to help you out, whether it be fucking you exactly the way you need after a long day or bringing you to a tender release with his mouth first thing in the morning before you go to work. He knows exactly what you need when you need it, so he can’t understand why you’re torturing yourself (and him) now.

chan <3: plz let me come over

Needless to say you absolutely weren’t expecting to receive a message from him this late at night.

You: Why r u up???

chan <3: ochem :/

chan <3: I need to see u :(

You want to ignore the message, but you would be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t subconsciously press your thighs together. All you’ve been able to think about since you last saw him is how bad you need him. You can only do so much with your own fingers, and each time you get off has just been less and less satisfying. Before you even get a chance to respond another message comes through.

chan <3: im coming over

Immediately you rush to jump in the shower, not exactly feeling the most desirable in the ratty t-shirt you’ve been wearing for the last 2 days and your unwashed hair. You tell yourself you’re not gonna let him stay over. That all you’re gonna do is give him a quick kiss and a hug, just so that both of you can see that the other is doing fine. And then you’re gonna tell him that you’ll see him in a few more days, after your last exam. You say this to yourself even as you forego throwing on a bra. You say this to yourself again as you pull up your sleeping shorts without putting on any underwear. You tell yourself this one last time as you climb under your sheets, making yourself comfortable against your pillows. When the familiar sound of your apartment door unlocking finally comes, you feel yourself become nervous suddenly, voice shaking as you holler that you’re in your bedroom.

You try your best to act like you weren’t waiting for him, but you fail when as soon as you see him standing in your doorway you immediately open your arms wide for him to join you. He lays himself next to you in your bed, wrapping his arms around your middle resting his head on your chest as you leave kisses on his forehead. Immediately you feel comforted by his presence, your mood doing a 180. The both of you stay like this for a moment, just holding each other, feeling the exhaustion in your bones. It’s him who breaks the silence.

“Missed you.”

He looks up at you when he says it, his tired eyes making your heart turn. You can tell that he also just showered, his hair slightly damp and face covered in a light sheen from his skincare products, pimple patches and all. You love being with him like this, tired and both of your faces bare, it feels like the both of you truly see each other.

“”m so tired.”

You sigh as you rub your eyes, truly you’re so exhausted. Stress has been wrecking your body and making you feel wound too tight. Not seeing Sungchan has only made it worse, making you feel touch starved and lonely on top of everything else. He can already tell without you having to say it that it’s been a long couple of days for you. He knows how hard you can push yourself to succeed. Being told your whole life that you’re a hard worker only fueled your anxieties of being the best you could be, afraid to let everyone down.

“Let me take care of you.”

You look down at him still resting his chin on your chest as he says so, his pretty lips pulled into a pout.

“Just want to help you relieve your stress, will you let me do that for you baby?”

You feel your pussy throb at this. It makes you feel good to know that just as much as you always want Sungchan, he always wants you too. When you don’t say anything he moves to slot himself between your legs, planting soft kisses against your jaw.

“I need to make my pretty girl feel good. All I’ve been able to think about these last few days is fucking you.”

You can feel that he’s already half-hard as he rocks his hips against yours, a gentle sigh falling from your mouth at the smallest bit of pleasure.

“..please.”

That’s all he needs to hear before he’s pushing your shirt up to your hips, his hands moving to your waist as he pulls you fully against him. He moves his lips gently against yours as you softly moan into his mouth. You feel so sleepy even right now, everything feeling like a dream as he grinds against you, panting into your mouth.

“Felt like I was going crazy without you. I was waiting for a call from you, telling me that you needed me and I was ready to drop everything. You’re all I could think about.”

You might be the insatiable one in this relationship but Sungchan is a close second. For every time that you needed him to make you feel good, there was a time where he needed to make you feel good. There’s nothing in this world hotter to him than the effect he has on you.

“Your stupid fucking BeReals made me have to take several… study breaks.”

Your ears burn hot as you admit this, casting your eyes to between your bodies watching as Sungchan rolls his hips into yours. Heat blooming in your chest seeing the way the two of you fit perfectly together.

“I wanted to cave so many times… I’m happy you came over.”

His heart swells in his chest hearing you say this. Placing a tender kiss against your cheek before he pulls away to pull your shorts off. When he comes face to face with your bare cunt when he was expecting panties, he feels like he’s gonna combust.

“Jesus y/n, you drive me fucking crazy.”

He wants to be cocky about it, tease you for having such shit resolve when it comes to him, but he’s so hard it hurts. You look so soft and tender, hair still damp from the shower, your old t-shirt still on along with your glasses. He leans on an elbow as he reaches a hand down to play with you, when his fingers brush against your core you’re already soaked. When he looks up at you in silent awe your hands are covering your face, trying to shy away from his gaze.

“I can’t help it..” You mumble out from behind your hands.

He doesn’t want to make you wait any longer, slipping two fingers up and down your slit, coating them in your wetness. He rubs them along your clit briefly just to hear your gasps, rutting his cock against your thigh as he does so. He moves to pull your hands away from your face as he lines his fingers up with your hole. Pressing them in he revels in the way you shut your eyes in bliss, mouth falling open. He feels cocky now, smirking to himself at the way you moan when he crooks them up once they’re fully inside, rubbing up against your top wall.

“Sungchan fuck..”

You reach out for him, pulling him down to kiss you while his fingers play with you. You stay like this for awhile, just making out as his fingers play with you. He slides in a third to feel the way you gasp into his mouth. When you arch your chest into his he almost dies at the way he can feel your nipples through your t-shirt.

“You’re so needy, baby.”

He presses kisses all over your face as he says this, sliding his fingers out of you to give your clit some more attention.

“Why are your clothes still on.. this is so unfair.”

He laughs to himself when you say this, finding it cute the way you try to make demands even as your body is twitching, caving in on itself from the pleasure.

“Sorry baby, ‘m just gonna make you cum like this real quick, and then I’ll take them off, deal?”

You can’t even process what he’s saying anymore, just nodding your head as you rock your hips up into his hand. He slips his fingers back into your cunt, palm grinding into your clit as he finger fucks you. ��You’re so distracted by his fingers you don’t even notice that he’s pushed your shirt up to your tits until you feel his mouth wrap around one of your nipples. Unsure what to do with your hands, all you can do is claw at the sheets, body so overwhelmed from the pleasure.

You cum just like this, the only warning Sungchan gets is the way your body seizes up, your moans reaching a whinier pitch. He groans at the feeling of you sporadically clenching around his fingers as he fucks you through your orgasm. Only coming to a halt when you try and push his hand away. You shudder as he pulls his fingers out, your throat feeling dry as you lay there, boneless. He’s tender with the way he treats you after, leaving kisses all over your face.

“So good to me baby, you feel better?”

You nod your head, slowly blinking, still trying to come down from your first high. When you finally find the words to speak there’s only one thing you can say.

“Goddamn.”

You don’t even care that he smirks to himself at your comment, he deserves to be cocky right now. When he moves back between your legs, you can already feel heat blooming again, setting your nerves alight. You can see how hard he is through his sweats, dick straining against the fabric. Sungchan already knows that cumming once is never enough for you, which is why you want to slap the smug grin off of his face when you hear him ask,

“You want to go again?”

When you glare at him trying to seem threatening, he can only laugh at how cute you are. Bringing his lips to yours to kiss the pout off your face. He leans back on his heels to pull his long sleeve over his head. You feel yourself throb when you see his body. You were never one to care about muscles or whether or not someone goes to the gym, but you can’t help but admire all of Sungchan’s hard work.

“Chan, you’re so handsome.”

Sungchan feels himself blush at the compliment, filling with pride when you admire him so openly. He goes to pull down his sweats, freeing his dick from the restrictive fabric.

“You’re gonna sit there and tease me for not wearing panties, when you show up at my door without boxers on under your sweats?”

You can’t even sound mean right now because you just feel desperate. Trying to sound authoritative while simultaneously spreading your legs a little wider to make room for him.

“Can’t help it I needed to make myself easily accessible to my baby.”

Now it’s your turn to blush, rolling your eyes like you’re not affected. He digs a condom from his pocket before sliding it on, you want to make a joke about why it was there in the first place, but the joke dies in your throat when he’s finally lining himself up between your legs. He runs the head of his cock up and down your slit a few times before finally, finally, pushing in to your wet heat. The stretch is so good, as he gentle eases himself into you, bringing a hand to thumb at your clit. The slide easy with how wet you already were from your previous orgasm. Sungchan loves the way your body opens up for him so easily.

When he finally bottoms out, both of you just sit there panting. You take in the sleepy look on Sungchan’s face and think about how yours must mirror his, recalling how it’s close to 6 a.m. now. You bring a hand up to his cheek, just looking at him as you whine from how deep he feels in you, making you feel so full. When you finally nod for him to start moving, he pulls out slowly before pushing back in just as slowly, hips reaching deep within you. Sungchan knows that now is one of those times where you just needed to feel him close. He fucks you just like this, slow but making sure to sink all the way in each time so you feel full.

You’re so tired your eyes are starting to slip closed at the pleasure, just feeling so good and so sleepy. Sungchan sees this and brings himself up to murmur against your ear.

“‘m I fucking you good?”

All you can do is nod your head, gasping out each time he reaches deep within you.

“’m I fucking you like you deserve?”

When he feels you clench around him he keeps talking.

“My needy girl deserves to be fucked exactly how she likes. You’ve been working so hard baby, just let me take care of you. Let your pretty boy fuck you good.”

Sungchan pulls away to rest his head in the crook of your neck, hips picking up the pace. You bring a shaky hand to the one he has stationed by your head, urging him to lace his fingers with yours. His heart feeling tender at the action, the gentle affection a heavy contrast to the way his hips are repeatedly rutting into yours. The both of you are fighting to stay awake, fueled by the need to get each other off. Sungchan knows you’re close when your moans start to change in pitch.

“You gonna cum?”

Your eyes are squeezed shut as you hum a simple “mhm” back to him. Sungchan uses all the energy he has left to fuck into that tender spot within you, hips refusing to let up.

“Cum pretty girl, then we can go to sleep.”

You just nod your head, wrapping your arms around him, trying to bring your face to his. Sungchan takes the hint, softly pressing his lips to yours as he fucks into you one, two, three more times before you’re whimpering against him, body twitching as he feels you seize up around him. He follows close behind, spilling into the condom as you twitch around him, fighting to keep your eyes open so you can see the way his face contorts from the bliss. When he’s done going through the motions, he pulls out of you, hissing from the sensitivity. He disposes of the condom before pulling his sweats back up, cleaning you up quickly with a damp towel trying his best to be gentle, putting a clean pair of underwear on you before finally sliding next to you in your bed.

When he cuts the lights off you can see that the sun is starting to shine, both of your eyes feeling heavy as he wraps himself around you. Before you both doze off you hear him mumble one last thing.

“I really did miss you.”

You smile to yourself, placing a kiss on his pouty lips.

“I missed you more Chan.”

#riize smut #riize x reader #sungchan #sungchan x reader #sungchan smut #riize hard hours #sungchan hard hours

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cheolhub · 1 year

Note

sar baby 😻 light of my life, HAPPY ONE YEAR! I COULD NOT BE MORE PROUD OF YOU!!

now business: can i have juyeon with the prompt “that really does make you hard. i can feel you pulsing inside me.” 👹

6:10 p.m. — lee juyeon

prompt. “that really does make you hard. i can feel you pulsing inside me.”

wc. 1.6k [srsly idk how to write a drabble under 1k]

warnings. switch!juyeon, switch!reader, needy juyeon, heavy praise, several uses of good boy, pet names [baby], unprotected sex, creampie, kinda messy sex? – MINORS DNI 18+

note. keir, my angel, my bff <# thank u so so much! u know i for sure would’ve deleted this account if you hadn’t been here to keep me grounded (as u always do.) i love u more than u will ever know & i will forever thank the universe for bringing u 2 me 🤬!! & THANK YEWWW FOR REQUESTING OUR BELOVED, SLUTTY JUYO! i hope u like it (not proofread bc u usually do that for me hahah)

⇢ ˗ˏˋ join the birthday bash! ࿐ྂ

p.s. this is my first tbz work… plz be gentle 🫡

you swear greed will be lee juyeon’s downfall. gluttonous and insatiable, the crazed, unhinged man cannot keep his hands off of you for the life of him.

you think he’d die if he went a half day without touching you, kissing you, fucking you– that, or he’d die from the lack of attention.

it’s almost concerning. almost… sometimes, you can’t be bothered to care when it feels like you’re on cloud nine every time he puts his hands on you.

but sometimes, you are bothered by it.

“baby, i’m busy,” you mumble, typing away at your laptop. you’re hyper focused on the work document in front of you, the blue light straining your eyes. “just give me a little.”

he’s standing behind your chair with his arms crossed, a small pout etched into his lips.

“you said you’d be done by 6? it’s 6:10…” he sulks and you crack a smile, spinning your chair around to look at your pouty boyfriend.

you grin, “what, are you timing me now, juyeon?”

he sighs dramatically, “‘course ‘m not, but you promised me you wouldn’t be working past 6.”

“i have to get this spreadsheet done before tomorrow morning, baby. and i would’ve gotten it done this morning if a certain someone didn’t beg me to stay in bed with them.” you joke lightly, “do you want me to get fired or something?”

the frown on his face deepens as the smile on yours spreads. “you know i don’t… i just miss you.” he sighs, dropping his arms by his sides. “feels like i haven’t seen you in hours. tired of you doing work when you can be doing other things worthy of your time. like me, for example.”

you reach out, taking his hands into yours. “two. you lasted two hours, juyeon.”

“two hours too long.” he whines softly and you can’t help but find him so endearing. “baby, please, just… just take a break.”

he doesn’t wait for you to object, pulling you up to your feet and dragging you back into your bedroom and you groan, knowingly. you’re not getting that damn spreadsheet done until he’s fucked himself to sleep.

“you have to be quick, juyo. i wanna finish my work before it’s too late to order takeout.” you tell him as he tugs you, to which he mumbles a ‘yeah, yeah.’ it’s obvious he has no intention of acting in accordance with your wishes.

because when you’re in your room, he pulls you in for a desperate kiss. he moans into your mouth as his hands squeeze your hips and pull you so you’re flush against his body. you feel his hard cock through the thin material of his shorts when he grinds into you.

you pull back with a breathy giggle, “baby, how are you already hard?”

“i’ve been hard for an hour now.” he huffs, gripping you tighter. he lowers his voice till it’s just barely above a whisper, “kept thinkin’ ‘bout how… how you called me your good boy… and how you told me how good my cock made you feel. looked so pretty and you felt so fucking good, baby. wanna feel you around me again. need to.”

you let out a sharp breath, mind wandering back to the long hour he had your ankles resting on his shoulders this morning. your cunt pulses as you remember how he fucked you so nice and so deep while you brainlessly babbled out praise. most of it being incoherent comments about his perfect cock.

curse lee juyeon and his dick for turning you on when it shouldn’t.

he groans, digging himself into your clothed tummy. “gonna let me fuck you, yeah?”

you moan softly, arousal probably soaking through your shorts with how wet you are. “as long as you’re quick, then you can, baby.”

he nods mindlessly, but he’s ignoring that request again.

he leisurely shimmies your shorts and panties off and then his own shorts– he has on nothing underneath and you wish you could say you were surprised– before guiding you onto the bed. he towers over you, repeatedly slapping the head of his cock against your clit and laughing softly as you moan and jerk underneath him.

you huff at his taunting, “stop that,”

he feigns innocence with a faux pout, “stop what?”

two can play at that game.

“juyeon?” you jut your bottom lip out, “you wanna be my good boy, don’t you?”

it’s like a flip switches on inside of him. he’s left breathless, nodding his head eagerly like a puppy, pulling his cock away from your clit.

“good. now fuck me and be quick. i’m not gonna tell you again.” you command, voice rigid and unforgiving.

he doesn’t protest, he doesn’t complain, instead he obliges without an ounce of hesitation. he lines himself up with your entrance– where you clench around absolutely nothing– pushing the tip of his cock into you slowly.

you inhale sharply, the air in your lungs fleeing quickly as you feel your walls stretch to accommodate his size. you have to tell your body to relax at the sudden invasion, unclenching so he can push himself in deeper.

“baby,” he moans, throwing his head back. “you’re so fucking tight. oh, fuck–”

“j-just keep moving, juyo, i can take it.” you manage to tell him, voice cracking ever so slightly towards the end of your sentence.

you whimper softly when he bottoms out. his cock fills you like no other and the thought has you clamping around him, walls molding to his shape just as they’re meant to.

juyeon pulls out with a whine and pushes back into you slowly. you’re sure he’s doing it for his own sake. any faster and your poor, pent-up baby is going to cum embarrassingly quick.

but you have other things you need to do, so this needs to go at your preferred pace.

“go faster, baby,” you say airly.

he reluctantly speeds up, giving you deep, precise thrusts. he lodges his bottom lip between his perfectly straight teeth attempting to bite back the ridiculously needy sounds his body wants to expose.

and you notice, letting out a giggly moan. “that’s it, baby. you’re such a good boy, aren’t you?” you coo at him.

juyeon gasps, releasing his lip so a broken moan can slip past them, his cock twitching uncontrollably inside of you.

you hum in delight, “hmmm, that really does make you hard, huh?” you ask rhetorically. “i can feel you pulsing inside of me.”

and you can. he’s throbbing in between your walls like he’s about to bust inside of you and it’s filling you with the utmost joy. when you’d met juyeon forever and a year ago, you wouldn’t have thought he’d be so easy to reduce to a mess. you’re not complaining, though. not when he sounds so pretty cursing and moaning for you like a cute bitch in heat.

“fuh-fuck, again– please, s-say it again.” he begs, eyes pleading and eyebrows knit together.

you moan softly, willing to give him everything he wants. “cock feels so good. you’re fucking me so good, juyeon. you’re such a good boy.” you needily place your hand between your thighs, right above where his cock meets your messy cunt. your fingers quickly find your clit, rubbing at the swollen bud in tandem with his now-erratic thrusts. “my good boy.”

you clench around him as the words tumble out of your mouth and juyeon’s eyes nearly roll. he cries out needily, “close. ‘m close, baby–”

you rub your clit faster and squeeze him tighter, mewling out your reply. “cum for me, baby. cum inside me ‘n fill me up.”

he whines, pounding into your harder and harder before his thrusts cease and he’s pressed deep inside of you. his warm seed spills, coating your walls as he lets out a long, drawn out groan of pleasure.

he wants to collapse, but he knows you haven’t gotten off.

so before he can completely come down from his high, juyeon resumes his thrusts. you feel his release spill every time he pulls out of you and it’s messy. a sloppy, wet noise sounds every time his balls slap against your cum coated cunt.

juyeon is surely overstimulated. you can tell by the babbles of him begging you to cum and the rolling of his eyes and the whimpers and mewls that are driving you absolutely feral underneath him.

you don’t last much longer after that, body jolting as you feel the tightrope in the pit of your tummy snap. your walls envelope his cock into a tight hug as you completely release over him. you cry with his name dying on your tongue, the earth-shattering orgasm washing over you.

he has to force himself to stop fucking you. tears brim in his eyes right before he collapses on top of you, his cock slipping out of your worn pussy. every nerve ending in his body feels like they’ve been electrified and he can’t help but twitch and pant on top of you.

you grunt with his weight on you, “juyo, you okay?” you ask breathily.

“mmm,” he moans in response. he’s fine.

you smile, running your hands through his hair. “you’re gonna let me go back to work now, right? i gave you your fix, so you should be good for at least another two hours. i should be done before then, though.”

he groans, “i dont want you to work.”

“i know you don’t–”

“so stay here with me.”

you huff, “how many times do i have to let you fuck me before you’ll let me work?”

he pulls up and smiles cheekily at you, eyes still a bit dazed. “maybe… three times. or four.”

you scoff, “you are such a piece of work.”

#[ birthday bash ! ]#[ ⭐️: mutuals ! ]#[ 🐈‍⬛: keir ! ]#lee juyeon smut #juyeon smut #the boyz smut #tbz smut

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maidenborn · 26 days

Text

Detective Love-struck!

Shoto x reader in which Reader discovers a love letter in her locker, and recruits deku to help her. fem reader, maybe oc deku and shoto idk, reader has an older brother, first little fanfic thingy, I haven't written in god knows how long don't burn me at the stake plz

Word count: 1,707

When you were younger, stupider and shameless, you and your only friend Shoto, would play detective during your free time together. At the age of five, you and your comrade had already solved ONE case, the infamous 'who stole older brother's motorbike?!' case, which you and shoto apparently 'took credit for' or whatever that means. Despite how much you swore to your brother how you and Shoto knew where it was before the police. And how you tipped the cops off with your super secret telepathy quirk that no one but shoto knew about.

He responded with a, "well if you're so smart why don't you figure out where my old 3DS is?? by the way, you don't have telepathic powers, forehead." You'd clench your fist every time that cursed nickname left his lips, but anyways, you accepted his challenge, walking away cursing him with the most vulgar name you could think up, telepathically of course. you swear you heard his breath stifle in shock as you stomped off, coincidence? I think not.

Your winning streak of problem solving ended with anger at your rivals, the police down the road, when they refused to let you into the station after you relentlessly demanded that they let you see the files of fifty year-old unsolved homicide case. The next day you sulked to Shoto during lunch, who stared at you with that blank stare he always does."you tried to break in again?" An accusation?!?!?!? The tipping point.

You fake-angry threw your paper cut-out detective badge, that you and your best-friend made during arts and crafts, with all your strength, only for it to slowly flutter to the ground awkwardly. That day you announced your retirement from the force. Claiming all the hard thinking was giving you wrinkles, that only caused shoto to look more confused, tilting his head to the side. "Wrinkles?"

"On my forehead." You huffed.

Your interest for the antics of detectives on tv and corny live-action crime thrillers died off as your ambition and hope to become a real life pro hero ignited, as did your connection with Shoto, even if you started to see him less frequently as the years of your childhood passed by. It was a blessing that you managed to land a place in class 1-A alongside your companion. Your bond reinvigorated, grew stronger as you were reunited with the boy, the lingering figure of his father, Endeavour had dissipated, granting the boy a newfound freedom. You found yourself spending almost all your free time with him now, way more than you ever did when you were kids. And you were grateful for it. So very grateful.

Now, both you and him had matured, albeit not a lot since you were both fifteen, but in a fifteen year olds eyes, it was a lot. The boy's once chubby cheeks now had a more slim-chiseled appearence. His head of hair was the same length, perfectly split down the middle, not one stray hair misplaced on either side. His eyes were more narrowed and stern, still fronting that blank look that his eyes always held. However hard his stare was when he looked at others, he'd never dare look at you with that coldness, whenever he caught himself glancing at you his creased brow would almost immediately flatten. His gaze defrosted into liquid, a softness so delicate and reminiscent of the early days of your relationship. The days where he'd follow you around, craving the warmth of your presence, your smile, you, and everything a five year old brat could offer. In your case, it was friendship.

You and him were two peas in a pod, Detective Shoto and his partner, Sometimes in class you'd daydream about playing detective with him, like how you used to, but you guess you both were a little too old for that now. Besides it's not like there was any mysteries to be solved in the halls of Yuuei.

Not until today.

"a love letter!?!? oh wow!" Deku shrieked a bit too loud for your liking. His whole body shook as he held onto the straps of his backpack. A few students lingering around the halls looked towards the commotion.

"Yeah but shhh!" You leaned closer to the boy pressing your finger to your lips harder and harder. " I don't want anyone to know, it's embarrassinggg! What if they're messing with me? I don't even know who wrote it! I don't wanna get my hopes up you know..." You mumbled that last part, your finger silencing yourself made it hard to talk. You've never been popular with the male species, only ever receiving confessions as jokes from more popular, less disliked, boys. Not that you minded all that, you had a best friend after all, and he was a boy! You were considered popular and you were liked by him!

You tossed your head about to shake the thought of Shoto to no avail. You felt you cheeks heat up. "Can you read it out to me? Maybe they gave a clue as to who they are!" Deku ignored the redness in your face, chalking it up to nervousness. Yeah, you were nervous alright, nervous about what Shoto would think. He's always been relentless in the pursuit of your attention, you couldn't help but wonder how he would react to all this. Would he be mad? No why would he. He has no reason for all that.

You take your time reading out the letter you found in your locker, looking up to meet Izuku's eyes after every sentence, waiting to see if he caught on to any hidden meanings written in-between the lines of the confession. You'd read the letter countless times, scanning over every word to no avail. Only deciding to drag Deku into your conundrum as he was walking past. Whoever had written the letter gave no clue towards their identity. It was just a confession. No 'can you meet me behind the school later today?' or ' will you go out with me? Just an ordinary love letter. Apart from the last section. At the bottom of the paper read a slightly threatening, ominous quote:

"I'll set your heart alight. "

The words made your chest tighten, but not in a good way. It gave you a funny feeling in your stomach, such a normal letter ending so strongly, you were kind of unsettled. "Don't you think that last parts s'a little odd?" You mentioned after finishing up reading. "Kinda sounds like a threat to me." You suddenly gasp, "What if our undercover lover is a villain! They could be plotting to kidnap me ..or worse!" Due to recent events, everyone had the possibility of kidnapping looming over them.

" Umm.. I doubt that a villain could sneak into Yuuei, especially now. I think it was maybe just an attempt romance." Deku chuckles, trying to lighten the mood.

"No I seriously thi-

"Yn. Midoriya." Shoto Todoroki stood behind you. You hadn't even noticed him sneaking up on you, whether it was his intention or not, he scared you straight.

"Oh! Hi Shoto!" You calmed yourself, turning your head to make eye contact with him. He only grew closer to you, taking the eye contact as permission to get closer. You could feel the air get hotter as he lingered next to you, reaching his head forward so he could peek at what you were holding so tightly in your hands. His eyes offering no insight to his current emotion whatsoever.

"What is that?" Tilting his head. Suddenly embarrassed you smushed the paper into your chest, crinkling it. "Uhhh.. I got a letter! I don't know who it's from though. Not that it matters." You shrugged. Nice, the nonchalant approach.

"What kind of letter?" He strained his neck for a moment longer before backing up. Face still, ice cold. You sighed at his retreat. Anxiety welling up in your stomach, 'why the hell am I so paranoid for?' You thought.

You were about to dodge the question when Deku asnwered for you, "Its a love letter! From someone unknown, we're actually trying to figure out who it could be from!" At that you crumpled in defeat. Thanks a lot Izuku. Why the hell are you trying to cover it up so much anyways? Huh?!? Your inner monologue accused you.

"Oh." He stepped back even more, No longer feeling his warmth, the hall seemed a whole lot colder without him so close, you urged to scuttle up to him, Only to turn to see Shoto preparing to leave.

"Would you like to help us Sho?" You offered, not wanting him to go so soon. Leaning at the hip towards him, head tilted down, eyes looking up at him.

"No thank you. I have to go, Goodbye Yn, Midoriya, good luck." And at that he started to walk away. You rushed to find something to say, deciding to just let him go, offering a small, "Bye Sho." Along with Izuku's cheery goodbye. 'Was something wrong? Did I do something wrong?' Your spiralling thoughts were soon interrupted by Deku," I wonder what that was all about." The look on Izuku's face mirrored yours, laced with confusion, only less angsty than yours.

"he's probably just busy with assignments or something, wants to get ahead." You chirped, lightening the tension.

"weird of him to turn down an opportunity like this though, he's usually all over this kinda stuff, he's a real hardcore theorist sometimes!... don't tell him I said that."

"oh really?" you jest. Tension dissolved, nice. As if you and him weren't attempting to solve murder mysteries during break time a couple years ago. The memory returning to you, you can't help but feel a little sad.

A couple moments of silence and then, "Ive got it! we could track them down through their handwriting!"

"yeaahhh... but the letters printed!" you retired the letter from your iron grip with an obnoxious groan, provoking a handful of glances from students passing by. "good idea though." You shrink into yourself a little, eye twitchy as you try to disappear through sheer willpower.

"the culprit has thought this out really well.."

"Yeah.. no clues or anything. Apart from the curse at the end."

"Yeah."

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH PLZ LET ME KNOW IF YOU ENJOYED THIS IM WORKINT ON A PART TWO!!!

I don't rlly know how to write stories like this, perchance ill turn it into a mini series or something

part 2

#shoto x reader #mha #my hero academia #todoroki x reader #shoto todoroki #shoto todoroki x reader #AAAAAAAH FIRST FIC HELP #reblog please #mha x reader #PLZ LET ME KNOW IF U LIKE IT #Feedback plz I crave attention #also if there's any errors with spelling or punctuation plz ignorw #todoroki imagine #mha todoroki #mha deku #izuku midoriya #mha shoto #maidenborn

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bazthefirstborn · 1 year

Note

helloooo baz !! can i ask for sub bottom dotty and pantalone hcs 👉🏼👈🏼 (with male reader)

Have a great day!

HEYYYYY HI HI HI - of course I can do that for you lovely! one subby dottore and pantalone comin (hehe) riiiight up~!

also I disappeared again lol I am currently recovering from a surgery, so I should be doing better soon!

smut under the cut minors dni!

tw's: crying, (A LOT) spit, sensory deprevation, rp, bj's, (m reader recieving) just general gay men activities

Dottore:

he's a little skrunkly ngl

but he's MY little skrunkly

would 100% get jealous if his clones touch you

wants alllllll your attention like a lil baby (doesn't admit it)

I feel in my nuggets he would love if you spit in his mouth

his fav position is anything from the back bc he's insecure about his face plz be nice about it

make him cry!!!! sob, hiccup even!!!!

experiment with him, maybe roleplay or bondage

SENSORY DEPREVATION (i am going feral)

loves being bitten and marked

has pretty low stamina, give him funny lil plants to help him with it

please edge him. plEASE. he'll get such a pretty crying face and his voice will break and it'll get all squeaky<33333 hhhhhhhh I'm fine i'm FINE

he likes it rough if you get all soft with him he will cry (he's cute when he cries)

will totally tighten around you when you point out how pretty he is

gets so flustered when you ask him to sit on your face, will scream if you tongue fuck him

Pantalone:

momma didn't raise no bitch but she DID raise me to destroy pretty boys!!!!!

he's one of those elegant bottoms in the pretty lingerie and the fluffy robes and i love him for it

fuck him until his glasses fall off!!!!

likes giving head more than recieving, but loves it when you eat him out

is the prettiest crier, his lashes clump so nicely and he sounds so nice begging for mercy <33

he wants to hold hands with you no matter what he has to touch you to ground himself

so pretty when he gets on top, his hair is so flowy and his tits bounce, top tier

long hair = pullable hair/facefuck helper

he will get fussy if he doesn't at least get a bath when you're done, he hates being dirty

if you plug him up before a harbinger's meeting he'll get all flustered and his legs will be shaky before he even gets done

don't let him finish and just edge him until he's crying and gasping

fin.

a/n: can you tell I like crying lolz hope you enjoy!!!!

#dom male reader #sub character #sub genshin #sub genshin impact #dottore #pantalone #genshin thirsts #dom reader #top male reader #genshin impact x reader #sub pantalone #sub dottore #bazisonline

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bitchimasnake-sss · 11 months

Text

unwinding after a long day ft. luffy!

in which, after a long day, he comes right back to you <3

ft. luffy x fem!reader

set-up: its been a tiring day for him, good thing you're right here to offer your services (wink wink)

warnings: both sfw/nsfw headcanons for this dumbass; nsfw stuff includes penetration, cockwarming, raw!fucking (kids use protection pls 👍)

luffy:

sfw!!

- after a long, long day of eating, running around the deck with ussop, defeating like five sea kings, enduring 53628 kicks and punches from the crew (how is this man a captain is beyond me sometimes), luffy is bound to be tired - you're laying on your bed post-dinner, absent-mindedly chipping away the nail polish - you feel the mattress next to you dip lowly as he jumps next to you, face-first - "ynn-" he's whining, wrapping his hands around you and intertwining his legs between yours, "ynnnnnn" "hmm?" you hum, still busy picking apart the colour on your nails "i'm so, so soooo tired" a laugh escapes you, "really? is it due to all the running?" and now he's pouting, "are you saying it's my own fault?" - you peck his cheek, then flash him a grin, "how can i ever say that?" - most of the nights, you silence him by giving him a massage - you don't even think you're good at it but holy shit this boy is obsessed with getting a quick massage from you. - and this has led to quite the number of misunderstandings. "yn," he had asked you when the crew were eating dinner together, "can we do that thing at night? i really need it." "WHAT THE FUCK-" nami is punching luffy in his guts, his food is being thrown out of his mouth and onto zoro, "WE ARE EATING." - he meant massage. - you knew it, he knew it. the rest of the crew? they assumed you were fucking (they aren't wrong, per se. they just didn't want to believe that all the sounds of bed creaking wasn't from you both jumping around, rip them) - yeah ussop threw up and sanji fell to his knees and cried for like 57 mins because how did luffy manage to bag you??? - zoro hasn't spoken in two days from the shock of it (and the traumatic experience of having food spit on him) and nami has retired to her room for a whole business week, she is now only conversing by using chopper as her message carrier - chopper is confused (poor bby 😭😭, he assumed it was massage or something and he is the only one who's correct) - anyways, other than getting massages, sometimes he starts rambling on about something or the other till he falls asleep mid-conversation - rest assured because he will continue whenever he wakes up "where was i?" he's shaking you awake "luffy" you groan, "it's like two am, go to sleep" "oh right, so ussop told chopper than reindeers are called reigndeers because they used to be actual kings back in the ancient times and so rein means reign and not rain like most people as-" he falls asleep again mid conversation - tf are you supposed to do with this man?? - peak, sheer dumbassery even when he's tired

nsfw!!

- this man refuses to entertain one-sided favours - your soft hands were kneading away the tension on his biceps a few minutes ago, so obviously he should return the favour back by massaging your back - you refuse many times because as much as you love luffy, this man does not understand his own strength - so you have a very valid fear that he would break your spine as he gives you a massage - "this isn't fair, let me do it too ughh" "how about no" "okay then let me fuck you, you'd like that right?" - didn't even blink twice plz 😭😭 - this dude is dead serious. - he gotta make up to you for being such a sweetheart to him one way or the other - that explains how he was pulling your top off, sucking sweetly on your tits, fingers gently rubbing over your clothed pussy - that also explained how he pulled you onto his lap, slipping in his dick inside you, stretching you out with a loud moan "you always take it so well, don'tcha?" he grins at you, tipping your head upwards and kissing you - refuses to move tho. - basically baited you into cockwarming him - what a royal asshole. - "what is it?" he coos when he feels your walls clamp down on him, your fingers desperately toying with your clit to get some sort of relief "pl- pleasefuckme-" there's tears clinging onto your lashline, your lips are red from how long you've been biting and chewing on them "hm?" he grins at your state, "what was that you said?" "please-" your breath hitches as he thrusts into you suddenly "fuck you?" "go- god. fuck, yes" his thrusts are merciless, pounding into you at a speed that has your overstimulated cunt spasming in seconds - doesn't let you go till he feels like he's paid you back enough "that was fun" he nuzzles into your neck, breathing slowly "mhm" you feel yourself dozing off he lays you down before snuggling into you and falling asleep - will end up giving you a massage in the morning anyways - although he can be just a little bit of a dick sometimes, there's no one you would rather unwind with

bonus!!

- ussop (while crying) had to relocate from his cabin to sanji's because the walls are really not that thick and he was next door - "i can hear them-" ussop sniffled, standing at sanji's doorstep, "omg i can hear luffy-" "ussop, you have to learn to face the horrors of the world." sanji spoke firmly, although his expression betrayed the confidence in his voice - actually they both just cried and ate the secret stash of ice-cream sanji had saved up - you and luffy need to pay for their therapy now im afraid 😃

zoro's part <3 sanji's part <3

#one piece #luffy x reader #sanji x reader #zoro x reader #luffy smut #monkey d luffy x reader #monkey d luffy #sanji smut #zoro smut #one piece x reader #one piece smut

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johnwickb1tsch · 3 months

Text

bittersweet ~ a yandere!John Wick x fem!reader sunshine/grump coffee shop AU... Part 36 all chapters

WARNING: NSFW, SEXUAL CONTENT, YANDERE SH!T. Plz take care. I luv u all. 😘

You are getting the feeling that Mariko Kimura doesn’t really like you.

And maybe it’s stupid, but you’re really not used to that.

Worse yet, this woman basically has a license to beat the hell out of you as The Personal Trainer–how else are you going to learn how to defend yourself in this vicious world? Strikes, blocks, throws, joint locks–she’s taking her job seriously, and after a week has gone by you’re not sure how much more you can actually handle. Maybe you’re a hiker girl, but it’s been a long time since you’ve done any athletic activity that demanded you give everything you have, take a breath, and then give fifty percent more. Your body hurts everywhere. Your torso is bruised in twenty places under your top, and you think she might have knocked one of your back teeth loose with a dirty punch.

You do not want to complain to John. You know he went through so much worse, and it would feel like tattling. So you take a moment to compose yourself on a bench before returning to your room, breathing deeply. That hurts too–jesus fuck, did she crack your ribs?

What you really want to do is have a good little cry, but that’s completely off the table.

Show no weakness.

“Are you alright, my dear?”

Your eyes fly open to find Winston Scott, looking dapper as ever in a pinstripe suit, standing nearby. You hadn’t heard him approach. That’s probably not a good thing, even in this supposedly neutral environment.

“I’m fine,” you say brightly with a smile you know looks more like a grimace. “Just…catching my breath.”

“May I?”

You scoot over on the antique wooden bench, very aware that you are sweaty as the proverbial whore in church, surprised this fastidious man would dare come within six feet of you at the moment.

“I must admit I was surprised when I saw that Jonathan enrolled you with Miss Kimura. She is close friends with Akira Shimazu.”

“I…don’t know what that means,” you admit.

“Ah. Well, Jonathan should.”

You blow out a long breath through your teeth, bracing your kidneys. Maybe a shower and a dip in the cool waters of the pool downstairs would be nice.

“I don’t want to get anyone into trouble,” you sigh. If John suspects Mariko is playing rougher than what is demanded for some personal reason that has nothing to do with you, that could breed a whole new problem. You have enough problems.

“As you wish. I am not sure you know this about our Jonathan yet, but politics are not his strong suit. He is the best at what he does, but the more subtle machinations of our world still escape him.”

This doesn’t come as a total surprise to you, although if you let Winston in on some of the psychological games John played with you not so long ago, the old man’s hair might have stood on end.

Or, maybe not.

“Are you telling me it’s my job to keep him from killing everyone when the Camorra finally show for this sitdown?”

“Well. I’m sure you’ve heard tell of what happened with Santino d’Antonio.”

“Yes.”

“Perhaps Jonathan is in a better state of mind these days thanks to you. But I also fear what our dear boy may do, to defend you.”

Hearing anyone call your fearsome assassin John dear boy brings a little smile to your lips. You are glad that someone seems to be in his corner. You’ve gotten the impression from hearing John talk that Winston is like a father figure to him. You’re relieved it goes both ways.

“I will keep what you’re telling me in mind.”

“That is all I ask,” he says with a nod, standing. “And perhaps, a little break from the Trainer would do you good.”

A small laugh escapes you–you know it sounds bitter. “You give very good advice, Mr. Scott.”

“I know I do. If only the young people around me would deign to benefit from my wealth of experience.” This is his parting shot, and you watch as he makes his exit stage left, leisurely strolling back down the hall like a king in his castle.

***

Lounging in a warm bubbly bath–with John Wick’s solid naked body behind you, maybe makes the beatings you’ve been taking worth it.

Ok, it’s totally fucking worth it. Nothing hurts anymore…except for when his soapy hands gently massaging your sore muscles find a bruise. There are a lot of them.

It also helps that a few minutes ago he ran those soapy hands all over your breasts and aching center, coaxing a soul-wrenching orgasm out of you, all while talking you through it with his low voice in your ear.

He never actually asked if you’re alright, and you take that as a compliment. Maybe it’s fucked up, but you’re kinda proud of your pain tolerance–and John’s quiet approval.

That doesn’t mean you’re capable of keeping your mouth shut about something else that’s bothering you.

“Who is Akira Shimazu?” you ask sleepily, your head lolled back on his broad shoulder. His hands pause tellingly upon you, before resuming their soothing circuit.

“She’s the daughter of one of my oldest friends, Koji,” he finally answers, his tone deliberately neutral. “He…was killed by the High Table, when I went to his Continental in Osaka for shelter.”

There is a lot to unpack in that sentence. You start with the part that alarms you the most. “Wait…the High Table are allowed to break the rules of the Continental?” If those fuckers were coming, supposedly to play mediator–what good would it do, if they were not bound to follow their own rules?

“Not usually,” he assures you. “The Marquis who was hunting me was granted…privileges.”

“Sounds like bullshit.”

“It was bullshit.”

You decide this is all the information you need to connect the dots. If you were Akira Shimazu, you would probably blame John Wick for your father’s death too. And if you were Akira’s friend, and had no recourse to hurt John Wick directly–beating up his girlfriend was pretty much the next best thing. Great.

“Why are you asking me this?”

“Oh…just a conversation I had with Winston today.” You turn in the bath, reaching for the soap to return the favor to John, only in part to distract him. He weighs you with those dark eyes, only half believing you, or at least, sensing there’s more than what you’re telling him. You sit up straddling his lap, running your hands over his chest. His eyes slide closed, quiet for some time as you touch him. His wounds from the home invasion have healed now, his stitches out just the other day. Now they are simply slick pink flesh under your fingertips–as though it had all just been a bad dream.

These moments seem even more precious between you, now. You want to hoard them like a dragon with its pile of gold, keep them forever shining in your memory. You know what you’ll draw in your sketch journal tonight. You’ve been trying to keep up with a drawing a day, a way to pass the time, though the past week you’ve been too tired in the evening.

“Is Mariko…associated with Akira?”

Maybe Winston doesn’t give John enough credit.

“I think they might be friends.”

He touches a bruise on your arm with a new understanding, his dark brows drawn in a frown.

Well shit. So much for being subtle.

“Is she hurting you on purpose?”

“She’s…not pulling any punches. That’s ok, John. I’ve learned more this past week than in the five years I did in Tae Kwon Do.” You realize that is absolutely true.

John’s eyes narrow as he searches out your bruises with new eyes. “I’m sorry.”

It’s interesting to you, how it was par for the course before, but with the new information that it might be personal, it’s suddenly not ok.

“Don’t be.”

“I didn’t think I would be a good hand to hand combat teacher for you.”

“Why not?” you ask, not accusing, just curious.

“Because when I put my hands on you I just want to fuck you,” he admits bluntly, raising gooseflesh all across your body, your greedy cunt suddenly clenching in insistent reminder of her state of abject emptiness...drama queen.

“Even…if we were fighting?”

Considering his penchant for chasing, maybe you already know the answer to that. He blows through his nose, pulling you close with those mitts for hands on your hips so that you can feel he’s hard just with the thought of it.

He ducks to graze his teeth upon the curve of your shoulder, and your state of relaxation is starting to fly out the window again. This man.

“Especially if we were fighting,” he admits against your ear, his voice gravely with desire. “I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from taking you down. I’d fuck you right there on the mat, and you wouldn’t learn a thing except that you drive me wild.”

Your nipples tighten with the thought, your breath caught in your throat, and he lifts you easily in the water with that controlling grip on your hips, rubbing your now slick center against his throbbing cock. Tub sex can be tricky, but the bath water stands no chance against the suddenly raging state of your arousal. Without further ado he lifts you onto his cock, impaling you on his thick tip. The glorious glide and stretch of his girthy shaft inside you still takes your breath away, like you can feel him in your lungs, your fingers digging into his shoulders.

“Fuck,” you squeak, winning a dark chuckle that scrambles your insides.

“Yeah.”

It’s the last intelligible word you manage, in the next few minutes, as he uses you just as he pleases, the water sloshing all around as he pistons inside you. It’s all you can do just to hold on, clenching tightly upon his insatiable erection the way you know makes him lose it.

“Touch yourself for me,” he invites, though you know he’s close. You’ve reached that point in your physical relationship when you know each other’s bodies so well, your rhythms and sounds, down to the very tone of a gasp or the desperation of a thrust.

“I don’t think I can cum again,” you admit, though you’re thoroughly enjoying him inside you.

You really didn’t mean it as a challenge, but when he smirks at you with that certain sparkle in his anthracite eyes you just know you’re in for it.

“Yes you can,” he insists, slowing his pace inside you, arching you back in his arms so that he can flick one of your nipples with his devilishly clever tongue. Oh. Well that’s not fair at all. You reach down to rub your clit while he fills you like this, delaying his pleasure to hit that perfect spot just past your entrance that makes you forget anything else exists in the world but you and him and the promise of a soul-snatching orgasm on the horizon.

“Give it up for me, my pretty girl,” he coaxes with his lips against your skin, and you know the snake must have sounded like that when he spoke to Eve. Tempting and forbidden and yet oh so reasonable. You’ve asked a lot from your body in the past few days. Maybe this is how you die–and what a way to go. That wonderful tingling pressure fills your hips and you moan, forgetting, again, that the other assassins down the hall probably do not want to hear more evidence that John Wick never misses.

There are stars in your eyes and a ringing in your ears as this shining, bone-shattering release takes you. You are a ragdoll in his arms as he fills you to the hilt and bathes your cervix with the hot rush of his cum. It’s all the two of you can do, not to sink into the water and drown. With a shaky sigh you kiss his lips before melting against him, re-learning how to breathe with his arms wrapped around you, your head on his shoulder.

He strokes your hair, whispering endearments so low you can’t really make them out, but the tone is so soothing you drift asleep for a few minutes. You only wake when he freshens the bath with more hot water, before drifting off again.

***

Much later, when both of your faculties have returned, and your fingers have turned to prunes, he tells you, “I think we’ll give you a break. We’ll start weapons training tomorrow. That, I will handle myself.”

This is news to you. “Here? In the hotel?”

“There’s an armory, a range, even a course.”

“In this hotel?”

He chuckles a little at your disbelief. “Yeah.”

The New York Continental: anything and everything a killer could need…

And here you are, trapped amongst them with the man you love. You know this is technically John’s world, but a part of you just can’t shake the feeling that he doesn’t belong here. That he shouldn’t have to be back here–it’s not fair.

You sit up in the water, reaching for a little yellow rubber duck on the side of the tub, not meeting John’s eyes. You’re not sure where it came from; there must be some inside joke you’re not privy to…but it’s cute.

You do feel some relief, knowing you’re not going to get beat up again tomorrow, though going through tactical firearms drills makes you more than a little nervous. You’re sure it will be different from plinking in the backyard on a Sunday with your dad and his drinking buddies. Ah, alcohol and guns–a time honored American classic.

“I feel like I’m walking out of here with my Certificate in Baddass Assassin Studies,” you say with a nervous little laugh. “What else is there? Are you going to teach me how to pinball flip someone with a muscle car? Maybe how to ride a motorcycle while swinging a katana?”

His lips twist in a smirk. “If you want, when we go home.”

You find the thought buoys you with hope. “Will we ever get to go home?”

“Unless you really want to move to Argentina,” he needles you.

“Argentina does sound pretty bitchin’...” you tease him.

He narrows his eyes at you; after all this time, it still gives you a thrill. “Are you sure your fascination with Argentina doesn’t stem from the good looking men who seem to live there?”

You make a raspberry at the thought. He still remembers Javi, it seems. You do too, of course, but all that feels like a distant dream in your memory. “Darling, I have all the Tall, Dark, and Handsome I can handle right here.” You place the rubber ducky on top of his head as though bestowing a crown, and he rolls his eyes before snatching you to him, water splashing all across the floor again.

“Who’s going–to clean–that up?” you tease between kisses and giggling, suddenly drunk on his arms around you, his strong hand running down your side to squeeze your behind before long fingers quest further towards your aching center.

“Baby, that is the least of your worries right now.”

“I can’t!” you whine in protest as he palms your breast, rolling your nipple between his fingers. You absolutely give yourself away with your joyful laughter that turns into a moan.

“We’ll see, cheeky girl.”

This insatiable man really might prove the death of you.

----

Pretty sure the rubber ducky is all on @sweetwolfcupcake …😂😘😘😘

#john wick #john wick x reader #john wick x you #john wick fic #keanu reeves x reader #keanu reeves #john wick x y/n #yandere john wick #bittersweet coffee shop au

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rendy-a · 1 year

Note

Hi! I saw that your requests were, so don't mind me dropping in^^

I constantly see Malleus/or Sebek x Reader fics where they give reader a rock or smt for the dating ritual and reader is clueless- ye non of that.

Reader is the definition of Goblin core or just Goblin in general, the moment Malleus/or Sebek presents the rock, they run to Rumshackle to get their pretty rock and later reader is like "have a rock of love... My love for you"

Can I request something similar as a scenerio for Malleus and Sebek? (If you don't feel like both, then plz do Malleus)

Thanks!

Thanks for dropping by! It does feel like a fae would be one to gift something strange and mundane as an important gift. Here is your request of getting an unusually random item from the fae boys as a romantic gesture. Hope you like it!

It wasn’t every day that one got courted by a fae prince. You’d become somewhat of a legend among the first-years for taming the fearsome dragon prince. When your dear Malleus happened to approach you while in a group, all the other students would freeze up, but you’d just smile at your sweetheart and wait to hear what he wanted. It was usually to present you with some sort of gift. You’d become used to receiving gifts, sometimes of immense value, as an everyday occurrence. You’d just smile at the jewels or such and wish your boyfriend a happy day before going back to your business.

Your friends, though, they were always eager to check out what you’d been gifted and bemoan their own luck at not receiving such riches. “Ah,” sighs Ace, “my last birthday, I got socks. Look at what you get for it just being Tuesday!” Ace lifts the bejeweled…whatever…and moans again. Sometimes, no one was quite sure what the gifts were, but each gem-encrusted piece gave off an air of sophistication. You consoled Ace good-naturedly while also mentally planning a visit to see Lilia later and ask for more information on…whatever this was.

Lilia was always more than happy to invite you in and hear more about his ward’s courting progress. “Ah, a gilded corset cover. How nice.” Lilia smiles at you knowingly. “I’m sure you were happy to add this to your ballroom staples for your future in Briar Valley.” You pictured it; men and women dressed in elaborate clothes, decorated with such things as bejeweled corsets. Well, you tried to picture it before shaking your head and leaving that in the category of ‘things you’d figure out later!’ You returned the short fae’s smile, “Ah yes. I’ll just store that away with my other ballroom garments and accessories.” You flash him a tight smile and he chuckles at you before handing you a book. “Thought you might be interested in this. Many old fae customs and traditions in there. For, oh I don’t know, someone looking to learn more, so they don’t have to go chatting up their grandpa every time they get a private gift.”

You’d smiled at him gratefully and accepted the book. You were glad to read up on the culture of Briar Valley and found it quite fascinating. There were even a few notes specifically on dragon fae. In retrospect, you had recognized a few of the things mentioned in Malleus’s behavior already. It felt good to be in the know for once instead of always running to Lilia for help.

You were especially glad to have that knowledge before receiving the gift you’d gotten today. You were hanging out with your friends in the Basketball Club, listening to Ace brag about things he’d actually done (scored 2 baskets from the 3-point line) and things he’d only imagined (breaking past Jamil). That was when you noticed a sort of hush had fallen across the gym. You closed your eyes and felt a sort of sensation, like electricity or a storm brewing, that you knew meant your sweetheart was nearby. So, it was no surprise to you when you opened your eyes and turned to find Malleus at your side.

You smiled up at him warmly and greeted him. He returned your smile and greeting with a soft fondness that was characteristic of your relationship. “Dearest Treasure, I have today a boon for you.” Saying this, he pulls from the air a branch and holds it out to you. You gaze at the leafless twig and back up to his nervous expression. He waits patiently but cautiously for your response. A great grin spreads over your face and you accept the branch. “Oh Malleus,” you say, barely containing a tremor in your voice, “this, this is wonderful. Thank you, it was just what I was dreaming of.” You beam up at him and show your branch to your friends.

“It’s just a stick,” you hear Ace whisper to Floyd. Malleus’s mouth tightens a small bit and Jamil notices. He immediately goes into full blown retainer panic mode. “A stick of great quality! Your Highness, I have never seen a stick of such fantastic proportion before. Surely it is the greatest stick of all.” Malleus preens at the praise. Floyd tilts his head and only comments, “I don’t see it. Land-dwellers sure are strange.” You give your confused friends a small laugh before grabbing Malleus by the hand and leading him from the gym.

You lean your head gently on his arm as you walk, smiling happily at your branch. “It is a particularly nice branch, isn’t it?” you ask with a smile. Malleus gives a contented hum from deep in his chest, “So what do you intend to do with it?” he asks carefully. You look up at him surprised, “Why put is around my bed of course. What else would I do with it?” He laughs merrily, pleased by your response. Yes, you know what this is. The first branch of many that you will use to construct a dragon’s nest. You can’t believe you’ve just received a proposal from a dragon. You pull your treasured branch close to your heart and smile on.

It was a rock. A round sort (but not perfectly round), with a crack running along one side exposing some glints of the interior. It was most certainly a rock. “It’s a rock,” Grim offers, “If you can’t eat it, what good is it?” You look over at your companion disapprovingly, “Plenty good. Plus, you eat rocks all the time, so I don’t think you should be one to judge.” He gives you a disdainful look, “Only the good smelling ones.” Then he wanders off, leaving you alone in your Ramshackle room with the rock.

You smile and wander around the room, trying your special rock in many different places. You finally settle on the mantle in front of the mirror, where you’d see it every day when you got ready. It really was a nice rock. You turned it around to look at it closer. The crack along the seam appeared as a flaw at first, until you noticed how its jagged shape resembled that of a lightning bolt. Through the little lightning bolt gap, a few green sparkles of the interior layers were visible, peridot, you thought. It was perfect.

You remembered a conversation you’d had with Sebek long ago on books he’d read. You’d asked him for some of the stories from his childhood and he’d told you a tale he read as a small child about a brave bird that walked to the ocean to find a pebble for its beloved. It sounded like something you remembered from your own world, and you told him so. He smiled and said that this was an old traditional tale in Briar Valley. Now, you understood what sort of tradition it had created. Smiling at your pebble, you set yourself to your own task.

“Here’s a pretty rock,” Deuce offers it to you. You examine it carefully before tossing it back on the ground, “No, that’s nice but it’s not the right rock.” Ace walks over to a pile and picks up another, “How about this one?” You look at him and roll your eyes, “Ace that’s just a regular rock.” He tosses the rock down in frustration, “That’s a regular rock, this is a regular rock, your super special rock is just a regular rock; Prefect, they are all just rocks!” You frown but continue to scan the ground below you. “You don’t have to keep coming along if you don’t want to.” You knew that to most people, it would seem like a pointless endeavor. Finally, Ace heaves a large and exasperated sigh. “No, I’m coming. I just don’t get it is all. How about this one. If you turn it just right, it almost looks like a heart.” You smile and obligingly look at the rock, already knowing it wasn’t YOUR rock. “It’s nice. Why don’t you keep this one?”

He moves to toss it but then appears to reconsider and pockets the unusual-shaped rock; it was a neat rock. You don’t say anything but smile to yourself. That was Ace’s rock; sort of average looking but when you twisted it right, it was a solid heart. You didn’t need Ace’s rock though; you needed your rock. Just like Sebek had looked until he found one that perfectly represented himself, you’d look until you found one that fit you just right. That was the point of it all. To journey as long and far as the penguin of legend and find a representation of yourself to offer to your partner.

You didn’t know how long it had taken Sebek to find that perfect rock, but you knew he’d have never settled for less than the best. He’d have climbed a mountain and traveled great distance; anything it took. So…you’d just have to do that as well. One day, you smile to yourself, you’d be able to return the gesture and offer back a rock, and with it, your entire self to him. Then you’d place the rocks on a mantle together, maybe in a little cabin of your own in Briar Valley and live happily ever after.

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst wonderland #malleus draconia x reader #malleus x reader #malleus draconia #sebek x reader #sebek zigvolt #sebek zigvolt x reader

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dietmountaindewbae · 7 months

Note

FETUS DOM AL BTB ERA PLZPLZ PLZ PLZ LOVE UR WORK SM

xxiv. she's so high

alex turner x reader

word count: 10816

summary: Alex (btb!) has a complicated relationship with you.

warnings: dr*gs, alcoh*l, fighting, degrad*ng.

song requests: the lotts, stoned again, teenage riot, about a girl, get drunk, i don’t belong, gouge away, breaking the girl & liberty belle.

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Since the beginning of your friendship with your best friend Maggy, you knew that your older brother Matt had something to do with her, always teased her, annoyed her, just to get her to talk to him, and when she finally realized how much he liked her, they were quick to start dating. Matt was cool, he filled in the shoes of the older brother and best friend role perfectly, your number one confidant, and your partner in crime, it was weird when they didn't see the three of you together, you thought it was best to let things be cool in between all of you. Besides, you knew Matt, and you knew your friend, and you saw this love blooming so beautifully.

Matt was very popular, and that's the only reason you were popular in the first place, Helder's little sister, ever since he and his mates played at The Grapes everyone was trying to be friends with you to get with any of the boys in the band, boys all over you since you took a change in style, even though you often saw them rehearse in the garage, you knew them all since little kids. Jamie, Andy, and Alex were Matt's childhood best friends, you liked them all, except for one.

"I can't believe Alex threw Matt's stick at me," Maggy laughs at you as you show her the bruise on your thigh, and the redness in your cheeks when you get mad.

"Sounds like someone fancies you" You rolled your eyes and scoffed, Maggy invited you to her house for a very-needed sleepover, just you and her so that you could work on some cool designs for the monkey's flyers, they had a significant gig coming soon, in a couple of days they were off to play at a club and if things went well they were only up from there. Maggy gave her opinions and talked to you while you kept writing by hand the font for their name.

"Piss off" Alex was a dickhead with you, he always did everything to get you mad ever since you became quiet around him, laughed at you when you called him a prick, or when your cheeks turned bright red, and your eyebrows were pushed together. Since you were kids he hasn't stopped bugging you and calling you Mardy Bum, you didn't despise him, you just hated how much he teased you, so much that you teased him in different ways. You knew he fancied you, but you never really did anything to give him hope.

"You know how boys are, look at me and Matt" You cross your arms, laying on the floor next to her, "Don't be so cold, one day you'll fall in lo-"

You scoffed and rolled your eyes, "Love, love, love... what is it good for?" Maggy nudged your shoulder, "Absolutely nothin'" Then you heard her phone buzzing from under the pillow, you bet it was Matt. She stood up from the ground and you kept gluing more pictures into the flyers so you could print them out for their gig.

"Wait..." You turn your head, and Maggy sits down to write back to Matt with a smile on her face, "Change of plans, get ready now, Matt's gonna pick us up... they're playing today, are the flyers ready?"

"Almost but... what do you mean they're playin' today, wasn't it tomorrow?" Maggie quickly changed into her clothes and started to do her makeup as fast as she could, putting some sparkly golden eye shadow in her eyes.

"I'm serious, finish that, and I'll pick your clothes, I'll do your makeup on the floor" You cut up more pictures of them as fast as you can, and stick some stickers into the paper as Maggy does your makeup at the speed of light, she sets up an outfit for you but you didn't get enough time to change, by the time the flyers were done Matt had already arrived with the guys in Andy's mum's van. Alex and Matt stepped out and jumped the brick wall into Maggy's garden, she waved hi at them and threw some clothes at Matt's face, "Come here, fast!" You couldn't believe you were crawling out the window with your pajamas and black boots on while Maggy was all glammed and ready for the night, the things you do for them.

She carefully crawled out and sat on the edge of her roof, Matt secured her legs and she jumped out of the roof with his help, they peck their lips lingeringly and you roll your eyes as you see who came to help you jump, you must be taking a piss.

Alex was waiting for you with his arms crossed, wearing a long-sleeved cherry red shirt and his vintage Levi's denim jacket and jeans to pair with his black Adidas, he was standing crossed arm bitting on his bottom lip, looking giddy and worried, looking around the place to make sure no one was watching us, you laughed at how much of a goodie he was, he wouldn't even dare to pull a quest like this ever, "Why are you standing like that? Are you some crook?" He smacks his lips and rolls his eyes as you throw him your heavy leather jacket, "Bet you're shitting yourself"

He scoffed and laughed nervously saying no with his head, but you knew his little heart was pumping fast and his tummy was twisting round and round, "Just get the fuck down Juliet" You kick his arm earning a quiet grunt from him, and his arm wraps around your thighs and you hold on to his shoulders as he helps you to get down from the roof, and when you land on the ground his hand lightly squeezes your ass.

"You're no Romeo" You hit him in the arm, and he kneels intertwining his fingers to catapult you to the other side of the wall, "I swear if you grab my arse again I will castrate you" He doesn't sound too threatened by you, even though you're squinting your eyes, and your eyebrows are in frown he ignores you.

"Are you gunna jump or what?" You grab some impulse and Alex jumps high enough to grip the edge of the wall, "Help me" He struggles, "Help me Mardy!" He demands with annoyance.

"Say you're sorry first" He rolls his eyes, you didn't care if he was hanging from the edge of a cliff, he had to apologize, even if you didn't care, you just wanted to hear that word coming out of his cocky mouth.

"Right, right... I'm sorreh Mardy..." His jaw clenched, and he didn't mean it at all but you were more than satisfied, you grabbed his hand tightly pulled him in and he sat next to you recovering his breath, "Does that get you off or what?" You both jump down and run to the van, Maggy sitting on Matt's lap while Jamie is in the front seat next to Andy who was the designated driver and will surely be the death of you all, all their guitar cases were pilled up in the back and an amp was stuffed in the middle of the seats.

"Where is she supposed to sit?"Jamie said, Matt and Maggy look at each other, and back at you, and then Alex holds his hand out for you and you sigh, he pulls you in and you sit on his knee.

"I swear if I feel one hand..." He nods his head with a grin.

"I know" He smiles at you, biting his bottom lip, you and Maggy look at each other, you try not to be bothered by that, but it feels a little strange, you had seen him do that a few times, but his eyes, gazing at your intensely, it makes you feel some way, it feels wrong but it excites you.

Maggy handed you over the clothes you would change into, "Look away" You say to him, he looks through the window, and you take your top off quickly, kicking your shoes off so you can strip down your pajamas and slide on your tights, and then your skirt, taking a small pause to fix your makeup, but suddenly Andy steps on the gas, going so fast the speed pushes your back against Alex's chest, "Shit!" Everyone was laughing as Andy played around with the car, changing lanes going in zic zac feeling the adrenaline spike in your veins, you grabbed Alex's hand tightly without even noticing, he took advantage of the moment, he put his hand on your waist to hold you tightly, he admired you, your laughter, your pouty lips and deep eyes, your soft skin and the belly button ring he had seen a couple of times whenever you wore a crop top around the guys during rehearsals. He twists your skin in between his fingers, pinching it just to get you to see him, "Wanker" You tease him, both smiling at each other. And just for a split second, he thought maybe you could like him, but your smile faded away as blue and red lights flashed before your eyes, the only reason Andy stopped was when he heard the police sirens catching up to you all.

"Fuckin' hell!"

"We're never gunna get there"

"Pull over!"

"Don't pull over, drive!"

"Andy!"

"Shut the fuck up, I'm pullin' over!" Andy screamed and everyone was panicking, spitting the most grotesque curses under their breaths. Maggy was quick to get on her knees and hide in the little space in between the seat in front of her and Matt, she used it as a shelter.

"Hide love," Alex says, you follow the same steps as Maggy, Alex takes off his denim jacket and covers you, if the coppers were to see two underaged girls, both half-dressed in the back of the car with two boys, on their knees, everyone would get arrested for pulling a scene like this, Andy's license would be taken away, their dreams and their freedom would be stripped out from all of them the moment they got home after being bailed out, and that's even if their mothers did. Alex managed to hide you, not well, but you wrapped yourself up in a little ball and hid yourself from the coppers.

Two knocks at the window from the grey-haired officers with truncheons dressed in hats make Andy gulp, one officer on each side of the window, 6 teenagers shivering and shitting themselves, "Oh hello officer, good evenin'" Fuck off Andy.

"Where do you think you're going? Speedin' like that in the middle of the road at 12:30 on a Saturday night? What's got you lots in such a hurry?" Andy stuttered, Jamie pinched the bridge of his nose as the other officer looked at him with annoyance, "Have you been drinkin' son? You don't look old enough to me"

"I'm sorry, officer, is there a certain age you're supposed to be? 'Cause nobody told me" Jamie punched him in the leg by trying to outsmart them, and the officer flashed his lights at Jamie, he wasn't feeling well, he looked as if he was about to puke his liver out, and his heart pumping blood to his system so fast he was starting to sweat.

"Your friend looks sweaty," Andy looked at him, and Jamie looked back at the officer, "Right, that's enough... " Said the office on the right, Andy looked back at Jamie, then to Alex and Matt through the rearview, all of them thinking the same, it was time, the officer on the left took a step back, flashed his light at Alex's eyes, and if he took a deeper look in, he would see where your body was hiding, curled up into a tiny little ball, you were shaking beneath his feet, the thrill in the fear both mix in. Alex could feel you, he felt his heart pumping like gas, the moment one of the officers began to examine Matt and Alex, Alex mouths the word, "Drive!" To andy.

Andy, not looking back, not doubting twice, steps on the gas of his mum's van leaving the coppers behind, and uprolls the riot van it sparks excitement in the boys, and the policemen look annoyed.

Everyone's fists up in the air, punching the ceiling, chanting, "Andy! Andy! Andy!" We ran away just for the laugh, Alex settled you on his lap once more, holding you close, tightly, securing you, and you fell into his chest, your ear against his heart, hearing it pump faster, even faster since he could feel your warm skin filled with goosebumps, you were still wearing nothing but your skirt and your bra, his hand pressed flat on your back, his deep brown eyes, looking at you with desire, what is happening? You think to yourself. Something was certainly going to happen tonight, and not getting arrested by miracle was one of them.

"Havin' a good time? " His gaze petrified you, his eyes looking at you in a way no one had ever done before, and you shivered. His eyes ran down your body, thinking about how hot you looked wearing his jacket, your black brazier, and that belly button ring, but he mostly loved your cute little braids on your black shiny hair, reminded him of the times when you were younger, and you shone like the sun, you weren't so dark, so mysterious, what other secrets do you keep from your mum? You're off the rails, and you love facing the obscure, and the thrill of it, and his eyes sparked that excitement in you, you hated to submit to that fact.

"Perv" You grin and quickly look for your shirt, you toss him back his jacket and get dressed for once, and when you finally sit up straight, you see the knuckles of his fingers clinging to the holes of your tights like claws, you don't say anything, it was a silent touch in between you too, you settled on his knee again, legs open, just to try and see what happens.

"Who's the crook in this crime now?" You rolled your eyes at his awful joke, his fingertips now lightly caressed your skin, just gently, almost undetectable, but you felt it. Andy went through some bumps, and they made you bounce on Alex's knee, you could feel his eyes all over you, and he leaned into your ear, "Don't you like that?" Your touch electrifies the little hairs on his arms, he puts his hand on your black leather bracelet and hoops, and you snatch your wrist away from him, and look at him from the side.

"Like, what?" You spit back, your eyes locked in a stare, he's too afraid to say anything else, he is annoyed, he doesn't understand what is he doing so wrong when all he wants is your attention.

"It's not easy to talk to you Mardy, you're unpredictable, inscrutable, you're cold, but when you're nice-" You crossed your arms, while Alex tried to find an answer from you, and all he got was nothing, he can't wrap his head around you, he can't figure you out.

"Don't start" He knew you were troubled, looking for fun in all the wrong places but in the eyes of your parents you were a calm girl, who knew how to behave when in secret you sneaked boys on and off your bedroom window and stuck some snow down your nose so you could smile, you didn't talk to him anymore, that's why he teased you, just to get any reaction from you like the old times, and in the rare occasion he made you smile at him even just for a second, or when your eyes run into each other by accident, spiders crawl all over his skin.

All you did was leave his poor brain like spinning plates.

When the time arrived after an hour's drive, you were in the back of the strange club, the night was cold and you were shivering, you thought you might reach for Maggy's hand, but she was too busy with Matt, and you felt it, you were alone. You form in a line at the back, where all the bands form together.

These two bouncers stopped you all at the entrance, one was alright, but the other one was scary, he had no time for you looking or breathing, just wanting to tell all of you to kick off, the lots in the back all wearing black while all of you were dressed in distressed jeans, polo's and hoodies, you and Maggy looked younger and weaker compared to the rest, the bouncer, the scary one, eyed you both up and down, "We're Arctic Monkeys, we're the opening band for tonight" Alex shows his wrist band and gives out the flyer you made for the gig, all of the boys wearing one except you and Maggy

The scary bouncer looks at his mate, "And the girls?"

"They're coming with us" Everyone in line was telling you all to piss off, to go back home, but you could see it clearly in Matt's sparkly eyes, he was cracking up, this was a chance they couldn't lose.

"ID," The man said, fuckin' hell, seems like there's no other choice you thought to yourself. That was the thing about you, you could kiss all the boys, but you were too clever to be a slag, and when you wanted something badly, like now, you could play the role of being a cunt if you had to to get what you wanted,"If they haven't got one, they can't come in, no minors"

"But I bet that's no problem for you is it, big man?" You take a step forward, looking at him dead in the eye, your cat eyes ready to attack, sometimes you had to grab the bull from its balls for him to understand what where you trying to say, you take a step close to him, Maggy knew exactly what you were doing, she discreetly whispers to Matt to turn around, and you flash them both your tits, easily as that.

"I've seen better," He says with no care, and he with no option but to suffer from his smart choice of words.

"I thought you would know better" You grab his balls tightly taking him by surprise, "We all have a prize, what's the prize for your head?" You dig your nails in between his legs, squeezing him tightly, and you bite your lower lip, his mate watching you carefully, he is amazed, "10... 20..." He twists in pain, weeping and his mouth shaking, "You're the only one that keeps crying like a little shit, is that what you are? Mummy's little boy" You mock his little weeping, "You sound pathetic"

"10 pounds, you and your mate," He says between greeted teeth, he knew better than to not lay a hand on you, and the other guy as well, but you were impressed by how quiet he was, the scary man looks at his mate and he stays still, he eyed you up and down, shamelessly looking at your tits with a grin, "Mind helpin' me out here?"

"Nah, I'm good" You flirt with him with your smile and your eyes, and he winks his eye. Alex barely recognizes you at this point, any knowledge of you had been stripped from the idea he had in his head. The girl he likes, she was still somewhere, Mardy was still there buried inside you, hidden beneath all of that eyeliner and silver sparkles, trapped in your coldness, now it was his turn to make a true effort to know you since he truly cares for you.

"Just get the fuck in" You let him go and smile at him, his mate opens the door for you, and your smile fades living him confused, and that's how you bite the men, insert your poison and leave them twisting in pain, which meant he and Alex have something in common.

"Watch your girl," He says to Al, they both look back at you and before you go into the party you answer back to them.

"I don't belong to anyone" You disappear into the darkness, Alex kept wondering how you and Matt were related, he would never do something like that, act like this, you enjoyed staying in the cold, while Matt stayed balanced, warm, friendly, but you... he had not a single clue.

You and Maggy follow them to the back, she was holding your brother's sweaty hand with care, Matt knew better than to keep yours and his things in between you two, you weren't one to pull these scenes, he and Maggy knew that you only stepped in when needed, and you needed to get in, because a part of you, not only cared deeply about your brother's dreams, a part of you cared deeply about the boy in that denim jacket with a hoodie and his dreams, the one carrying the heavy amp and his bass with his arms, and the one with red cheeks almost as red as his guitar. They had worked hard, and Alex had passed late nights trying to squeeze more songs off of his brain, tonight could change things, but this night felt different.

You helped to set them up on the stage, many boys whistling and savoring you with their eyes, and as you were stepping down, Alex was waiting for you by the staircase next to the stage, and to your surprise, he was already knackered, pulling on his messy brown hair, "What?" You say close to his ear, he squeezes your shoulders together.

"All I wanted to say was that... I care about you Mardy, I don't know what happened to you... but I wanna kno' where's my Mardy? The one that laughed and joked around? The one that always teased me and played with me in the swings, the one that hugged me sporadically... what do I need to do to get you-" The microphone's intermission cuts Alex's questions, his face in a frown, his eyes filled with so many emotions and booze.

"Right on! Up next say hello to my little friends... Arctic Monkeys!" Everyone chants the boy's names, clapping and waiting for them with excitement. He wants to reach for your hands, but Jamie comes running up the stairs.

"You're up... you are all gonna do great" Matt and Andy pull him to the stage, he was made a total mess, his eyes red shot and his mouth dry, he takes a step in front of the mic, strapping his strat across his body, Andy was buzzing with excitement, Jamie finished tunning his fiesta red telecaster, Matt blew a kiss to Maggy, and she grabs it with her fist and presses it against her chest.

Maggy quickly ran with you to be in the sea of people, pushing each one of them away with your elbow or with your shoulders, holding onto your hand like a safe lock with a chain, and got to the front safely, right beneath Alex's feet, you look at him through your lashes and wink at him, "Rock on!" Maggy and yourself secure arms, and the moment Matt begins the count down electricity rushes into your veins.

The crowd was a riot, they played songs back to back, you and Maggy jumping and screaming the songs at the top of your lungs, Andy rocked that bass with his groovy lines that accentuated each of the riffs Alex and Jamie played back on back, Matt was dripping in sweet his face all flushed just like yours did, genetics. Your body was getting tired, your feet were bruised from the number of people that stepped on them, then your hair was pulled by accident by the tall boy next to you with a spiky leather bracelet on his wrist, "Are you alright?" He yells into your ear, Alex quickly notices it, and his eyes focus on you and the block you are talking to, he notices how close his lips are to your cheek, and he sees you nodding your head and laughing so hard at what he was slurring into your ear, he felt some relieve he had pulled away from you but then he kneeled to the ground and you threw your leg over his head, picking you up from his shoulders, you were pure euphoria all over the place, you threw your jacket to the stage, making it land on Alex on purpose, he smiles at you as the block squeezes your thighs. He can't find the answers to all of the questions in his head, you were many things, but one of them was unpredictable, too clever.

He watches you light a smoke, his eyes light up as your lips curl into a smile, you are aware of his gaze on you, those same eyes on his face looking at you with burning desire, he feels the heat, and now it is the time, he stripped off his cares, and with the liquid courage in his veins he had the nerve to sing the next song.

"Alreyt! How you doin' tonight?!" Everyone chants and whistles at Alex's rowdy and drunken voice, the crowd surfers up in the air, with no shirts and no care, "I said how you fuckin' doin' tonight?!" You whistle back at him with your fingers in your mouth, and he watches you with a smile going down memory lane as he hears your childish laughter, "We're Arctic Monkeys, and this next song is about a girl, you know who you are..." He slurs looking at you with his watery doe eyes, "This one is called...!" Jamie bends his strings, and Alex's strings ring through the amps loaded with fuzz, your ears ringing with the sharp intermission, provoking a fire in their spirits, "Space Invaders!" His fingers hit the top strings of his white strat, hitting those power chords hard, and he doesn't take his eyes away from you, not even to blink when he starts singing.

Space invaders flying home Yeah, they're going to hit the sack And they are prob'ly going to die getting high Cause they're mixing crazy ... with the crack

You eye him, and you invite him in with your eyes, igniting a fire that spreads all over his body, he looks at you with his casanova eyes, smirking, sounding more confident than ever, that version of him suits him very handsomely, you were thrilled to see what else had he had to say in between those catchy riffs and clever lyrics.

And she's kissing all the boys She's to clever to be slack But she's bound to go away for a day In July, so she won't be coming back

This song with no doubt was about you, kissing all the boys? You're all he could ever think about, so you give him exactly what he wants, a reaction, you take your index and slide it inside your mouth, sucking it and pulling out your middle finger with a grin on your lips, he strums his strings faster to sing the chorus.

Baby, baby, baby The good old days to tax Baby, baby, baby Won't you dry your pretty eyes Baby, baby, baby Your good old days to tax Come on!

Your heart flutters, and a strange feeling of something inside you feeling full makes your gut twitch, he moans into the microphone, and you feel a dull ache in between your legs as he rolls his eyes back, knowing well you had provoked him, you didn't know what you did to earn that song, but Alex could write a million songs and still not be finished. Maggy looks at you and your arms up in the air, swaying them and smiling, you truly feel happy, but you know that happiness doesn't last forever, but you'll miss it and it sickened you to know so. You tell the big guy to put you down as the show is ending and the monkeys are finishing up the song, to wrap it up.

The boy tries to follow you but you escape him, "That's all for the night folks, you were a lovely crowd, remember we're Arctic Monkeys, goodnight!" You push the people away, looking for an escape from all you are about to feel soon.

Alex comes down from the stage, Maggy is the only one waiting for them on the staircase, "Where's- where is she?" Alex asks Maggy, she shrugs and looks at Matt.

"She walked away as the show ended, I thought she was going here but... I lost her, she'll be back soon, maybe she went out with that block" Alex was losing his mind, he was self-aware about the song he had made for you, told everyone it was about another girl, but what other fucking girl? there was no other girl, you were the only one that he was fixated on.

"Matt, I need to talk to you" He was so scared of blowing things off, by confessing his massive crush on his best mate's little sister, but you were all that he wanted since you were all little kids, he was rambling about so many things, and he was trying to explain himself but going nowhere apologizing at the end of every sentence he made but Matt stopped him.

"Alex, you can tell me anything, you know that," Matt says understandingly, he knew what he was about to say.

"But I'm afraid you'll hate me forever" He scratches his arm, and Matt takes a step forward and stops him from bruising his arm, Alex didn't want to hurt his best mate, but Matt knew since the beginning.

"I'm afraid you'll get heartbroken, she can be a handful Al, you know that" Alex sighs, and Matt hugs him tight, "But I also know you can help her heal, I just don't want you to get hurt in the process" Alex smiled at Matt.

"We all have to try our best for the ones we love" Matt punches him in his shoulder pushing him away, they both laugh and hug once more, "So, is it ok If I... ?" Matt nods his head, patting his back.

"But if you dare to do summat to her..." Matt and Alex laugh at each other, and he pats Alex's back with care knowing well that you were the one that would probably do things to Alex. Matt is happy, Alex is descent, and he knows he'll help you by loving you, "Go get her, I have a feeling she might be outside" And like that Alex rushes outside, running through the crowded room and going through the back door, you were outside with the bouncer, the nice one, and looking as if you were flirting with him, he was quick to shut that down.

"Mardy" He sees your face light up, and you smile at him but it wasn't because you wanted to, it was because you were already pissed up, the bouncer scratches the back of his head.

"Hey, rockstar" You giggle drunkenly, if you weren't standing next to him he would've already kicked that man's face, "Looking for me?" You teased.

"Thought she didn't belong to anyone" The man crosses his arms as he sees you looking at Alex with a smile, you wanted to eat him up, "She's a cunt" Alex takes a step forward but you stop him.

"The fuck did you say?" He spits.

"Don't" You knew he stood no chance against the 6 ft bouncer, so maybe you were right, Alex didn't stand a chance but he wasn't one to handle disrespect nicely. He and you walked back inside together dancing in the lights, letting them flash beneath your eyes, letting the tempo mark your dancing in the blue neon lights, the white neon lights flash on your face, and you turn to look at Alex, he was in a trance as your heavenly eyes look at him, you pull him in, and you make him dance with you.

"How much did you have?" He asks and you push your shoulders together with no care grabbing his hands to dance with him to the music, his eyes looking at your lips and your body with desire, he was all in for you, he was made a fool for you.

"I like the song you made me for me Al" You take a step closer to him, and his breathing gets stuck as he hears his heartbeat in his ears, he can smell your lovely perfume, and he can see your diamond eyes, your pink glossy lips so close to him, just for you to kiss his cheek, "I liked it" He closed his eyes, feeling your lips linger and burn on his cheek like a cigarette burning on his skin, and just like that, you disappear into thin air, he had lost you in that crazy amount of people.

"For fucks sake..." He sighed as he downs more cups of the cheapest booze trying to locate you with his eyes, he was losing his mind, his heart beating in his ears, the booze making his body feel light and dizzy but his head made a mess. He was feeling paranoid and worried sick of losing you, but his ears rang at the sound of your voice like a loyal dog.

"I said goddamn!" You scream at the top of your lungs, he sees you snorting some thin lines of coke by some settees with a mirror and a tiny spoon, laughing so loudly it made your stomach hurt, he knew exactly the 10 minutes you were lost were right about enough for you to do anything you wanted, you had no one to stop you. Alex sits next to you impulsively.

"Hey," Says the girl with messy blonde hair sitting next to him, her eyes red with a woozy smile, "You were really good up there" He feels your eyes lingering on him, he feels he has all of your attention by now, as you probably give her the deadliest glare.

"Do you wanna suck his cock too?" You spit, taking her by surprise, so amazed by your rudeness she chose to leave the table and go somewhere else, Alex looks at you with a scowl, and you ignore him, taking another sip of your drink free of guilt.

"Why can you be talking to other people but I can't?" You shrug it off, sitting back in the worn-out leather settee, crossed leg, he waits for you to speak looking at you intensely, you thought you could handle this contest with ease, but it was only a matter of time until he got to you.

"You can do what you wanna do, be with who you want to be," You say to him, manipulating him, "I don't own you, Alex"

"So, why do you 'fink I chose to stay with you, Mardy?" He drawls, sitting closer to you, his knee touching yours, "Don't push me away, I meant what I said" He referred to the song he had sung for you with love and passion, and your heart skips a beat, and this feeling feels strange, his determination and the firmness of his words made your head spin, it draws you closer to him.

"... don't think you've got me all figured out" But he knew right where to start as the girl holding the coke came in, snorting another line and shaking her hair off her face, smiling and dancing, it gave her power.

"Want another line?" She asks you, you glance at Alex and smirk as you snort another line, you overestimated him and his intentions, his eyes lock with yours, he wasn't one to do these things, he may have had a few funny cigarettes but not as often. He was determined to feel the same way as you do.

"You wouldn't" You dare him, and that only makes him want to try it more. He sits at the edge of the leather settee, grabbing the card that's on the table, cutting the coke until it's thin enough to be consumed, he shapes a thin line of coke with the sharp edges of the red credit card and from his wallet, he grabs a bill and rolls it up with his index and thumb carefully. With the edge of the bill on his nostril and the other on the platter, he shuts his eyes tightly as he inhales the coke fast hoping it would make it more bearable because all he knew was that it stung like hell but inhaling it fast didn't change anything for him, his eyes flash before him, his brain quickly reacting with the thin line of coke, and he feels the burning sensation on his nostrils, sneezing as a reflex to try to expel the coke that was still stuck on the walls of his nose.

"Fuck!" His nose burns and stings, some coke falling on your upper thigh, you break into laughter, he was trying hard to impress you, that's what you thought, the girl laughs at him and your head feels dizzy, you feel an ache for him that's burning as he frowns.

"If you're gonna do it, at least do it right," He slams your hand away as you try to comfort him, he throws his straw away and sits closer to you, he leans down, and holds your knee tightly, his fingernails digging holes in your thighs, your hairs feel the same electricity that he felt in the car when you sat on him, shamelessly sitting open legged on his knee, his eyes penetrate yours as he snorts the remaining coke off your thigh, you feel something inside you turn on as you feel his nose on your inner thigh, his lips lightly grazing your knickers.

"I said goddamn" You lock in a stare, you wanted him, and you wanted him bad, your hand sneaks to the back of his head and he drags your mouth to his, his thumb lightly caressing your cheek as you both get carried away with the intensity of the kiss mixing with the drugs and the booze his touches feel like electric shocks, the fire runs all over your body as his hand caresses your thigh, his fingers digging on the edge of your denim skirt, his mouth tastes like sweet vodka and pop, his tongue inside your mouth tasting the flavors of your cherry cigarettes and Bacardi, sweet and sour, like lemon and honey, you roll your eyes as you feel him sigh inside your mouth, his hand making a fist with your skirt, he wanted more but he was still afraid to do more, he wanted to do it all in private, so he tested himself with you.

As he was pulling away from the kiss, you bit his lower lip pulling it harshly like a blister, and his cheeks were burning hot, his head was dizzy but he took your hand, he felt high, and his body was on the dancefloor with yours but his mind was focused on the neon lights on your face painting you all the colors, violet, blue and green as he sees your head spin in circles. His hands creep into your hips, and he slowly pulls you in, watching you dance with no care, no shame, you knew you made him mad with the way your silver eyeshadow made your eyes look like bright stars in the night sky. You both dance to Dr. Dre in a trance, slow, close, and sexy, he turns your back against his chest with a spin, he is getting greedy, and you feel it as your brains get stimulated with the white powder. Your hips go around in circles against his crotch as the music makes your body move in a way that gets him so uncomfortably hard, but he didn't feel it until you sighed against his ear, his hands grip your hips harder, lightly humping your ass against him, you giggle as you both sing.

You see it clearly in his eyes, he wants more, "Don't you wanna go somewhere else... tha knows, alone?" He suggests into your ear, you take a deep breath as you smell his sweet cologne, you wanted to be smothered in that scent, but it wasn't going to be easy for him.

"And do what?" He's dumbfounded, he doesn't know how to phrase how badly he wanted to fuck you now, "You think is that easy? That I'm just gonna fall to me knees over the rockstar?" Your lips were next to his ear, and his nose could smell the coconut shampoo on your silky hair, "No way babe" He sighed and closed his eyes just for a second, and then you disappeared in thin air, walking out the door. He tried to go after you, but he got surrounded by the band and some other man wearing dressing shirts and jeans with Stella's in their hands, he makes up dumb excuses to free himself from whatever they were trying to talk about.

As he goes out through the exit door, he finds you yet again with the same bouncer, this time with one of his hands on your cheek and the other on your hip, and he doesn't even reason out his next action, Alex had punched the bouncer in the jaw as hard as he could, he only manages to make his head turn, and as the man was about to return the punch with twice if the speed and twice of the strength you're able to push him away and knock him to the floor grabbing Alex's hand running down the streets like a cheetah, the cold wind blowing your hair and making your nose dry, you have so much energy you could do anything, move mountains, climb the tallest building. You are pure fuel, you turn to your left as you hear his laughter, he catches up to you, grabbing your hand tightly as you run down the street, looking for nothing but the feeling of your heart about to bust, for the pain of your lower abdomen.

Thankfully Alex had Andy's car keys, using the van as the perfect place to hide from the angry bounce with a purple jaw searching for you both, "He even has muscles in his muscles" You joke as you both peek through the windows, finally, you're able to breathe when he starts heading his way back where he came from. You both sigh relieved and crash on the leather car seats, you turn to look at Al and ask, "How do you feel Al?" 'Al' he smiles, it's been a long time since you called him like that.

"Still high" He sniffs his nose and looks at you, you're smiling, biting your bottom lip, the light of lamppost reflecting on your eyes through a crack in the windows, your eyes deep blue looking at him with hunger, "What about you?" He drawls.

"I left me head at the dance floor" You giggle, sitting closer to him, the knuckles of his hand touching yours, lips getting drawn to each other, his eyes staring intensely at yours.

"I wanted to keep dancin' with you... you've got some pretty nice moves" Your eyebrows jump as you give him a look that hypnotized him, he was taken by surprise as you threw your leg over his thighs, straddling him and rocking your hips against his just like the way you were dancing before, you teased him, still vigorously grinding your hips against him, singing bits of the song to his ear as you bite his earlobe, feeling his dick fighting his way on his jeans, "Like that?" You tease watching him watching you in awe.

"Uhu..." His heart was about to beat out from his chest, "Fuckin' hell Mardy, you're so hot" His so pissed about it, he's lost his mind, such a fool for you it makes him pull his hair.

"Just shut up and kiss me" The palm of your hand drives his head towards you, and you both kiss slowly, eagerly, lingeringly as your lips close around each other's mouth, feeling your body slowly grind against him, getting closer to the place where he ached for you. The roughness of his denim made juicy friction in your pussy, you kept losing control over yourself, dry humping Alex's crotch, his hands dragging your hips against him following your pace to show you how much he liked feeling you rubbing yourself against him. You were flushed, feeling hotter, his hands made into fists, clenching your skirt, slowly riding up to your waist, he was doubtful but as he watched you get so deep in it his hands grip your ass hard, and you whimpered into his ear, all the sounds coming out of your mouth made him get so hard in his jeans that his head was already leaking.

"I want you so badly" He groans into your ear, licking his lips and holding your head in place to whisper more into your ear, "You feel amazin' babe, make yerself feel good" You smile against his hair, taking a sniff of his soft brown hair, you nuzzled your nose into his neck, leaving kisses all over him. He began to feel self-conscious about the fact he was barely even moving, he wasn't moving a single finger now when at the party he was begging for your attention, he chose to not be like those other blocks, they didn't know what was before their eyes, they didn't know you, they didn't know how much beauty there is inside of you, your black beauty.

His hand on your ass crawls to your lower back, caressing your skin with his thumb, his hands crawling up your back like spiders and snakes, and he leaves his hand on the clasp of your bra, your eyes illuminating, "Can I?" He whispers, his voice shaky and his eyes sparkling, hopelessly looking for an answer in your eyes.

"If you want to... yeah, you don't have to ask me Al" You peck Alex's lips, sweetly, the heat wasn't the only thing that drove you to be all over him.

"How far do you wanna take this, Mardy?" His voice sounds serious, both panting for air but if he were to pass out, he would love to pass out feeling your heavenly lips. Alex saw you for once stay quiet, with no answers, no smart comeback, your eyes shine, and your heart feels that vague feeling of warmth, and tenderness. For once, you doubted having sex with a hot fellow outside of a pub, you didn't feel anything, not for long, you feared Alex would change that, you were able to fight the feeling though, you convinced yourself he wouldn't.

"Take my clothes off" You command, Alex following like a puppy with his swollen lips in a pout and his bright eyes, his fingers running down your warm skin with care, pulling off your shirt from your head, you stand on your knees, his lips sigh against your skin, his hands caressing your lower back gently, running shivers all over your body as he kisses your belly slowly, wet, and needy, his tongue running through your belly butting ring, his hands quickly sliding down your skirt and throwing it to the ground, leaving you in your tights and brazier. Your eyes meet, his eyes shining so brightly at the look of yours, he saw you as a miracle for all men, as an angel as you exposed your body to him, and you couldn't handle that, "Don't look at me like that, I know you wanna fuck me" He's a man, he only loves these things because he loves to see them break, he would forget about you the next day and nothing could stop you from thinking this way, even if it hurt you.

He was in a daze as if you had kicked him hard in the head, your body on his, warm and sugary, addictive, "And so fuckin' bad" His mouth devours your lips, his tongue slipping to the back of your throat, you gag but he keeps his tongue inside your mouth, his hands grip your bottom tightly, continuing with the same pace as before. He takes out his shirt in the blink of an eye, barely giving you time to grab air as you asphyxiate in his kisses pressing you closer to him as he grinds your hips harder against the bulge in his denim jeans hearing you moaning louder into his mouth. The tiny kisses he gave you in your belly still lingering in your head, the song and his facial expressions as he moaned into the microphone engraved in your head, his touch so rough but with care, his eyes watching you like a goddess, you look through the window, and watch yourself climax with just a little bit of friction. He feels rewarded, he feels your body relaxing, and you're satisfied but it isn't enough.

Your hands run through his bristly skin, his chest dripping sweat, his abs marked with thin lines, and his v-line drives you to kneel, and unclamp the buttons of his jeans, "You got me off, now's your turn, is that ok?" You teased, making Alex roll his eyes with a smile, you caress his cock with your fingers, just to let it get harder than he was, he looks at you with lust, as you cheekily smile at the sight and feel of the size of his cock, "Fuck" He came in a full-size package.

"Come here" And baffled you were, how was he able to carry that in his jeans? His tip leaking cum already, red almost turning purple, swollen and hot, fat. You couldn't wait any longer for him, you obliged and settled on his lap. His hands caressed your body with care, he could give you true affection, "I like you Mardy... I really fuckin' do, I can't get you out of me head, out of my veins or me brain... every time I see you-"

"Don't say anything else, Alex, please" It was the first time you begged for anything in your life, because if what he was saying was true, his words made your heart beat fast, and it felt as if you were about to die.

"Don't do that Mardy, don't do this to me either... I'm in for the long run, don't matter how long I have to wait" In his eyes, you saw the raw definition of honesty, he wasn't looking anywhere else, wasn't hesitating, he was being truthful.

"Don't make promises that you can't keep Alex, nothing lasts forever" Your words don't affect him anymore, his mind was hazy with love and true desire for more than just sex, for more than just your body, he wanted your heart, a connection he couldn't get from anyone else but you.

"I never do," He says, "So just kiss me, and forget about anything else" His lips peck yours hard, needy, angsty, and his hands grip your body tightly, pulling your tights off your body, breaking them in the process and he feels your nude skin with his rough hands. He feels struck by lightning as he pushes your panties to the side and enters you slowly, your nails dig into his skin, and you gasp into his mouth feeling your whole body get loose, and your mind in a daze, just enjoying the feeling of his body so close to yours.

Your hips rock against his, your whole body pressed against him, his hands kneading your tits, pinching them and kissing them as you ride his cock, his hands pull your body closer to him, not for one second does he want you to be far from him, you couldn't hold in your moaning, his sighs and moans put you in a spell, his magical eyes sparkled into yours as he watched his whole dick disappear in between your legs.

"Ah! Shit" His hands were on your hips, they rock your body against him, Alex's mouth fell agape as you kept riding his cock eagerly, his hands gripping your ass tightly.

"Do you like that, baby? Do I make you feel good?" His eyes roll back, gulping and moaning against your lips, "Tell me Alex" Your hands around his neck, as you ride him slowly, tentatively.

"You do Mardy... you're so wet... t-tight" Your tongue inside his mouth as you kiss him, his cheeks warm and his breathing stuck in his throat.

"I bet you feel accomplished...." He blushes harder, being caught red-handed, "I've seen you Alex... looking at me, searching to see what color were me knickers, or what bra was I wearing"

"Can't blame it, you always know how to rock me world" You lean over to his ear, your motion decreases into barely any, and you lick your lips before you whisper.

"Imagine how hard can we rock your bed" He blushes as you began to jump on his cock, your tits jiggling and he's hypnotized by them, by the way you scream, and how your pussy feels. He's whimpering at just the sight of you. He grabs your waist tighter and makes you jump faster on his cock, feeling you get closer to an end, his thumb, flicking your clit until your burst all over him, he pants as your head falls on his shoulder.

"You love to tease me, don't you?" He leans over you, making you lie down on the seats, his hands grab your thighs wrapping them around his hips, you always liked how he always had to caress your skin, he couldn't help it, he loved feeling your body on his.

"Can't say I don't" You whisper to his lips, his hips increase his thrusts gradually rocking your bodies together, watching your collarbones sink as you try to catch your breath.

"You fuckin' cunt" You gasp as he buries himself inside you, "You've been teasing me all of this fucking time?" You sigh as his fingers tangle in your hair, his hips slowly thrusting inside you, it feels like ecstasy, all over your body, his eyes turning into darkness and lust.

"I always do" You giggled, he grabbed your wrists tightly, pinning them above your head, you were caught off guard, suddenly feeling like you had no control over him, he had control over you and you were enjoying it, watching him get affected by simple words, deep confessions, this night had changed your view on Alex for the better.

You stared into his coffee brown eyes, the shy boy that you once knew was all a costume, what he is beneath that, is what you like, "I'm gunna fuck your brains out" His cock feels so good inside you, feels thick, feels right, the friction and the pain of the stretching. It all feels too fucking good, you kept your eyes wide open as you both watch each other's faces, in your eyes there was a heavy secret, one that Alex was breaking into, you were a sucker for him, all you wanted was for him to fight more for you. And finally, he had taken power over your body.

He was balls deep inside you, watching you get aroused by the sounds of his moves, he kept thrusting inside you so fast that the car was rocking back and forward. He let go of your wrist to pin them both together with his other hand, his hand pressed against the window. He sends you spiraling down to a whole other world, you've never felt such way, his hands fall to your neck and you're finally able to dig your fingers into his back, you were a loud mess, out of control. He was mercilessly fucking your pussy, so deliciously buried inside you.

"Al... I can't hold it in," You screamed as he slammed himself back inside you, your fingers rubbing your clit so fast, your walls tightening, he groans, his grip on your neck tighter.

"Yeh fuckin' dirty cunt," He flips your leg to the side so he could have a better look at your bum, he was feeling aroused at the sound of your sss slapping against his hips, he took advantage to slap it hard making you moan harder, Andy's van rocking to Alex's pace, squeaking, bouncing.

Your vision was foggy. Alex enjoyed watching your eyeballs turn white and your mouth wide open, he couldn't take it any longer as well. He got so carried away with the sight of your body, your nipples hard, your pink lips, and your red raw pussy, your heat feels so good, he takes one last feel of it, making sure you came one last time before he pulled out fast enough to spill his cum on your belly, your eyes widened at the sight of his pink tip squirting out his cum as he fucks his fist, you saw his face in a frown, his forehead dripping in a cold sweat, and a last sigh of satisfaction falls from his mouth to yours.

"Fuckin' hell" You whisper, grabbing his attention, his hand lets go of the window to caress your hair and pour all of his love on a kiss to your lips, it feels like flowers blooming under that warm sun, it feels like hot cocoa on a cold December day, it feels like firecrackers, it feels like new year's countdown, it feels like it was meant to be, and for once, you let go and feel the love on his lips for a minute or two, you give it back with the same intensity, and he feels no longer frightened about anything. If he had you, he didn't need anything else.

"Mardy, I meant everything I said" You sigh.

"About me being a dirty fucking cunt?" You both crack in laughter, his arms pull you to his chest, and you lay on his arms like a baby, you let him hold you like that because you miss being held like this, you've never experienced anything like this, but deep down you know, love wears out, it dies, flowers rot, the firecrackers are thrown to the streets, summer ends, hot coco burns your tongue, and he will leave you soon. Alex sees you so deep in thought.

"What are you thinking about?" He says, too worried about everything, now that reality had settled in.

"I wonder how long it will take before you leave me" His eyes filled with sadness, he couldn't believe how you still thought about that, "We shagged, we did what we did, I'm just counting the seconds before we get out of this car and you forget about me" You move away from him, taking your clothes and warmth from the floor and quickly dressing yourself up again. He was still in one piece. He looks at you with sullen eyes.

"It meant nothing to you?" He says with sadness pulling up his clothes.

"What is it supposed to mean, Alex?" He felt his heart being stung, a knife being twisted to his core.

"That I love you," He says with no remorse, you pull away, quickly getting out of the car, and he follows you at a fast pace as you begin to walk around the dark, he leaves everything else behind, "Where are you going, Mardy?!"

You feel like puking out your heart, you were looking for a place to hide, anywhere, any place at all. You looked and you looked as he kept screaming your name, "Why are you running away from me?!" He grabs your arm tightly.

"Don't you get it?" You snatch back your arm, "Why did you say that to me? How could you say that to me?" Your voice cracks as you look at him in the eyes, he slowly steps closer to you, how could he break something that was already torn to pieces?

"Because I do... because I truly do love you-"

"You don't mean that" He takes a step closer to you very slowly, watching your eyes water, and you pull away from him step by step, your untied shoelaces make you fall to the ground in a very stupid way that you crack into crying laughter for how pathetic you feel.

Alex sees your true colors for once, but he isn't afraid of what he sees, he's in love with what he sees, and so in love that it hurts so deeply to see you in such a state, "Love..."

"Don't call me like that" You say in between laughter, "I'm not your mardy, not your babe, I'm not anything to you" You spit.

He sits on the ground next to you, "You're everything to me" You roll your eyes, feeling your throat tighten, "I love you, I told you I do, it's all I've ever felt-"

You answer back, "I'm not everything, I'm just a catchy chorus in a 2-minute song Alex" He sits closer to you, watching you get out from your skirt your cigarette, and your lighter, feeling the warm embrace of the tabaco in the air.

"You're in every song I write, Mardy, I did one specifically called Mardy Bum... so you might understand how I feel about you," You look at him with an eyebrow up.

"Mardy Bum?" He smiles and nods his head, "That's a more personal one" You say with no emotion, you look into his eyes, and you see the truth in them, but you're too scared of giving into it, to give into him.

"And there are many more to come, but you're no 2-minute song and a catchy chorus, you're more than that, you've always been more than that" Alex's words couldn't have cut any deeper than any blade or any drug you've ever taken.

"There's so much you don't know about me" He grabs your hand, the one with the thick bracelet, and he holds it so tightly and kisses the back of your hand with care.

"I wanna know everything," His fingertips run through your braids, and your head falls to his shoulder.

"And what if you find out everything and you think I'm too fucked up? Why don't you just go with a fitter and healthier girl, huh?" His fingertips grace your chin, and he looks at you with his deep brown eyes and pecks your lips.

"Because they're not you" You stare into his eyes and you kiss him with the same love he did inside the car, you hadn't noticed how you were out of there, and he still followed you, he has always followed you.

There was a moment of pure silence after the kiss, you lay on his lap, curled up into a ball, feeling his soft hands caress your hair, you feel everything you once felt a long time ago, it's vague, but he makes it come alive again as he hums a sweet melody, "Well now then Mardy bum.... I've seen you frown and it's like looking down the barrel of a gun and it goes off... and out come all these words... oh, there's a very pleasant side of you, a side I much prefer, it's one that... laugh and jokes around... remember cuddles in the kitchen... yeah, to get things off the ground and it's up, up and away... oh, buts it's right hard to remember on a day like today when you're... argumentative and you've got that face on"

You pick yourself up from his lap to look at him with your glassy eyes, tears rolling down your cheeks, "Can I hear the full song when we get back home?" His thumb grazes your cheek, whipping down your tear.

"Of course, my love" His arm around your neck, kissing the back of your head, he turns you to lay your head on his arm.

"Do you really want to be with me, Al?" He smiles as he sees a door opening for him, he sighs feeling relieved you weren't arguing away with him.

"Yes, and so badly" He smiles, and giggles, "You won't get me to go, not anywhere" It feels good to hear that assurance from his lips, "Not anywhere"

"Good, because... I think... I love you too" Maybe it was too quick to say it but you didn't care, he sounded promising, and what else have you got to lose anyway? Maybe it was time for you to take a chance, let faith lead you blindly, maybe it was time to give in to him.

"Oh fuckin' hell, I was so scared you wouldn't say it back" You laugh, Alex enjoying the sound of your rich laughter, feeling excited about the thought of his clumsy words being the reason of that smile.

On the way back home, you were sat on Alex's lap willingly, your head on his shoulder, his arms around your waist, Maggy and Matt were stunned at the sight of you and Alex, you could feel their gaze on you as Alex covered your cold body with his denim jacket. Everyone tried to leash the lioness inside you, but he took a different approach that made him worthy of sticking around in your lonely cage.

A/N

Hi, missed me?

Happy Valentine's ! <3

Still busy studying for my SATs :c

#alex turner #arctic monkeys #alex turner smut #arctic monkeys one shots #alex turner fan fic #matt helders #alex turner one shots #jamie cook #nick omalley #alex turner fan fiction #alex turner x reader #teenage alex turner #beneath the boardwalk #alex turner x you #fontaines dc

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