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⋆ ˚。⋆౨ৎ˚ Champagne Problems
♥ masterlist | request rules | 12 days of ficmas
♥ pairing: charles leclerc x fem!reader
♥ synopsis: the two of you end up at a party with different intentions
♥ wc: 2k - as always none of the pictures are mine
♥ warnings: swearing, angst, and alcohol (drink responsibly please lol) !!!
♥ a/n: TONS of angst in this fic so get ready lol <3 i've been wanting to put out this fic for SO long you don't understand. tagging bestie @theonottsbxtch
Charles was head over heels in love with you—it was a shame, really.
You sat on your shared king sized bed in a sparkly dress, observing your boyfriend as he slipped on a gold watch.
“We need to leave soon mon amour,” he said, wandering over to you and kissing your cheek. “We don’t want to be late, do we?”
You nodded and adjusted the jewelry on your hand.
Charles folded the cuffs on his sleeve, “You alright?”
“Mhm,” you nodded with a fake smile.
You hadn’t seen Charles in months because of his work. Ironically the first place he wanted to take you was a gala... For his work.
The two of you met because of your love for F1. The narrative of Ferrari brought you together and despite his promises to be there for you, he always left them unfulfilled.
You were alone. Way too often. Left by yourself to take care of Leo and be his wag.
You and Charles wandered outside the apartment to his car. He opened the door for you—like a gentleman. But you couldn’t shake this melancholic feeling whenever you’re around him.
-
”Hey, where’s Charles?” Arthur, your boyfriend’s younger brother asked with a smile.
You shrugged, taking a sip of your drink, and gazing at the room full of talkative people. The second you got there he wandered off to find Pierre. You couldn’t even blame him. This was for business after all.
”Hm, that’s odd. I’d expect him to be with you.” he scrunched his nose. “I remember one time last year—he was so excited to come home for winter break and see you. He would talk about you all day to me on the phone,” Arthur chuckled.
You gave him a faint smile. That was the Charles you fell in love with. Alas, he was across the room talking to someone else’s girlfriend.
“Well, let me know if you see him. I’ll see you in a few weeks for Christmas, yeah?”
You swallowed hard, pausing before a response.
“Yeah, yeah of course,” you smiled with a nod.
“Great, Maman said she already got you gifts,” he laughed. “I’ll see you around Y/n.”
He nudged your shoulder with an infectious smile, wandering off with a drink in hand.
God, why did this have to hurt so fucking much.
-
“Thank you all for being here,” a man said into a microphone, commanding the room to silence. “It has been an incredible season, but now we must start planning for the next one. Thank you to all our sponsors who are able to make this happen and congratulations to all that we have done this year.”
He raised his glass of champagne, leading everyone to follow and clink theirs together. You sat at a round table with your closest friends from the industry, Pierre and Kika as Charles got up to ask the man at the front of the room something. He came back with the microphone in hand and turned it on.
He stared down at you, eyes peering lovingly into your soul.
“Y/n… you are the most beautiful, kind, intelligent woman I have ever met,” he spoke into the mic, elicting a few ‘awh’s’ from the crowd and drawing at least a hundred eyes to you.
Charles slowly bent down, grabbing something out of his suit pocket.
Your eyes widened and you tried to say something but you couldn’t. Every word was trapped in your mouth, despite your jaw being on the floor. Plenty of gasps and whispers came from the room. You could see Kika’s eyes light up, clearly ecstatic for you.
“I don’t really have a whole speech planned,” he laughed softly. “All I can really say is how much I love you… Will you marry me?”
He flicked the ring box open, revealing a gold ring with a huge diamond.
You paused, trying your best to take in everything that has happened before shaking your head.
“Charles… can we talk about this somewhere else?” you whispered.
Charles' expression dropped instantly. He knows what that really means.
More gasps. More gossip.
Clearly the whole room knew what it meant too.
“Is she fucked in the head?” you heard someone from the crowd whisper.
Followed by, “If she won’t marry him I will,” and “What a shame.”
”I’m sorry Charles, I’m gonna get a Lyft.” you whispered, squeezing his hand.
Kika looked at Pierre completely stunned. This was certainly not how the two of them thought the night was going to go. This was certainly not how you thought the night was going to go.
Kika’s heels clicked on the tile floor as she ran after you, pushing the two glass doors open to find you sprinting down the long set of stairs.
“Y/n, wait!” she shouted after you.
You sat at the bottom step, waiting for your ride to arrive.
She stopped beside you, “I can drive you home,” she mumbled.
“That’s alright, I already paid for it.”
She sat down beside you and put a warm hand on your shoulder.
“Are you okay?” she whispered.
You grabbed her hand gently, feeling the coldness of her gold rings. You shook your head no.
She wrapped an arm around your shoulder, forcing your head to rest on her shoulder.
She kissed your head sweetly, “It’s going to be okay,” she whispered in your hair.
-
You tossed your things on a table right next to the front door and kicked off your heels. You strut over to your kitchen and opened the fridge in hopes to find more alcohol. You were already probably drunk on Dom Perignon and your own tears, but with everything going on you might as well try to forget the horrendous night.
You grabbed a small glass from a cabinet and closed the fridge door, flinching when you saw Charles standing in the dark.
“Jesus Christ, Charles…” you whispered, pouring yourself some straight Vodka.
You braced your hands on the side of the marble counter, closing your eyes. Maybe if you close them tight enough he’ll disappear.
You sighed, “I don’t know how to start this conversa-“
“You said no?” he whispered. You could hear the heartbreak in his words.
You swallowed hard, looked around the room—anywhere but his eyes.
“I never said no…” you trailed off.
“But you meant no, right?”
You thought about marrying him before. A lot, actually. Racing, Traveling, Family. But there was always one thing missing from every daydream. And that thing was Charles.
You can’t follow him around the country for his job and even if you did—is that who you wanted to be? Just the wife of Charles Leclerc?
“I don’t think you can truly be committed to this relationship. This isn’t what I need, and that’s okay.”
“I can't truly be committed?” he scoffed. “I'm not truly committed enough to get down on one knee?”
Your relationship this past year wasn’t what you wanted. But one day it will be what someone else wants, and that’s what he deserves.
“C’mon Y/n, I love you-“ he muttered.
“Love isn't always enough,” you whispered, barely loud enough for him to hear.
Ah, the painful truth.
You watched as his face dropped, fully taking in the cruelness of your words.
“Charles, I’m sorry…” you whispered, tears forming in your eyes.
“Just go. Foutez le champ de chez moi, I don’t want to see you right now.” (translation: get the fuck out of my house) he muttered harshly.
-
It’d been a year since you last saw him. That night you packed up all your things as he slept at Arthur’s. You were gone by the time he got home.
You still spent time in the F1 scene. You had friends there too, but it still felt a little cruel. You didn’t fall out of love, at least not with someone like Charles—that doesn’t happen.
If the circumstances were different you might have been married. You would’ve had a beautiful ring, a beautiful family, and a beautiful man.
“Y/n,” Kika shouted through a laugh, half sprinting in her heels. Her right hand settled on your bicep and her left took your forearm, yanking you towards a group of women.
“C’mon, I haven't seen you in months,” she said, causing you to crack a smile. You rolled your eyes and slipped off your bar stool, ready to get a little tipsy with your friends. She was right. It had been way too long since you had a girls night. The last one was before you lost your status as a wag.
Today it was you, Kika, and Rebecca—all in elegant outfits that perfectly fit your vibes. Kika in a black long sleeve, off the shoulder neckline number, Becs in a sparkly red one that she luckily got to keep after modeling, and you in a short white satin dress with spaghetti straps and some matching white heels.
“You look like you need a drink,” Rebecca said, looking you up and down.
You sighed, “I haven’t been to an F1 event since you know…”
She rolled her eyes, “That's exactly why you need a drink. Forget about him and have fun with us. Your favorite sport should not be attached to the memory of a man.”
Great point.
“Come here,” she dragged you back to the bar Kika pulled you from.
She ordered three martini’s on the rocks, extra olives.
She handed you one of the glasses, “We’re going to meet up with Lily M and Carmen in about an hour alright? We’ll be out of this place in no time and you won’t even think about you know who.”
“Where are we going?” you asked, sipping the drink with your eyebrows raised.
“It's a surprise,” Kika said with an eye roll as if to say “duh”.
You spent the next hour drowning in new conversations and shots. Sure you were at someone’s work party, but it’s not like you had to be professional. No one seemed to give a shit what Charles’ “Ex Wag” was doing.
“Carmen and Lily are outside, are we ready to go?” Rebecca asked, peering up from her phone.
“Yeah, I just need to find the bathroom and then we can go,” you lied, grabbing your clutch off the circular table.
You wanted to step outside and get a quick bit of fresh air before you returned to the group. They were doing something amazing in order for you to move on from your past relationship, but all you could think about was something you shouldn’t be.
It's been a year, you should be over him, right? Too bad the pain didn’t stop at Charles. It was his whole family. God, you missed Arthur so much. You missed fighting with him about what Christmas movies to watch and hanging out in the Ferrari garage together. You missed Lorenzo and his older brother-like wisdom. You missed Pascale and how she welcomed you with open arms into the family. Fuck, you felt like a traitor.
You sighed and wandered off onto the balcony, picking at the rhinestones on your purse. You leaned over the railing, letting the cool wind kiss your skin.
“Haven’t seen you in a while,” an accented voice said from behind you. You would recognize it anywhere.
Charles took his place beside you, avoiding eye contact. It took a good minute before you were able to respond.
“I- uhm… I heard you and your new girlfriend broke up. I'm sorry,” you muttered. What an odd way to start this conversation. You weren’t even sure if it was true, you heard it in a tabloid.
He hummed, “I suppose love wasn’t enough to save us.”
Ouch.
You scoffed, “Yeah I guess not.”
The silence was loud.
“Sorry,” he whispered in a change of tone. Maybe even a change of heart. “It’s good to see you again.”
“Yeah,” you whispered back, unenthusiastic.
“The family misses you.”
You smiled slightly. That was good to hear. “You can tell them I miss them too.”
“...I miss you.”
He placed his hand on top of yours slowly, gently rubbing his thumb across yours. His cold silver rings brought flashbacks to your mind.
You looked up at him, tears begging to fall from your lashes but you kept it together; at least until he was gone.
You squeezed his hand like you used to, “‘l’ll see you around, Charles.”
You had to remind yourself why you said no everyday. It didn’t matter if you loved him and it didn’t matter if he loved you. You won’t settle for second in his life.
✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧
taglist; @sainzzreputaticn @theseerbetweenus @yawn-zi
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Dukedom au but instead of the men noticing reader post marriage, they already notice her pre marriage like maybe before they went to war and meet each other. She use to be so radiant especially on her debut to society. She dances John and Simon and they were entranced since then. Maybe she likes sneaking out bro mingle with the commons and met Johnny and Kyle that way. Then war happened and many other things by the time they were back they’re not exactly expecting their dream girl to be unmarried, she’s so beautiful why would she be unmarried, besides they have each other now.
Imagine their surprise when they found out not only is she unmarried but rather unpopular in society for one or two petty reasons too.
ANONNNNN I LOVE YOUR MIND
It wasn’t until after his return from the military- when he finally came home with Simon by his side, Kyle and Johnny already settled into their places in his household- that John actually heard the full extent of the rumors surrounding you.
You were barren, they said. Damaged. A woman past her prime who had rejected too many suitors out of pride and was now paying the price. Not docile enough to be a good wife, too much of a spitfire. Hysterical, the last time you had snapped at a man who had gotten a little too close to you. A stain on your family’s lineage, who were trying desperately to marry you off.
Kyle had been the first to bring it up, muttering about what he’d overheard at the bakery one morning while helping Johnny’s parents prepare for the day. Johnny, normally so cheerful, had been uncharacteristically quiet about the whole thing- quiet in that dangerous, simmering way that meant he was ready to fight anyone who so much as looked at you wrong.
And Simon?
Simon had just looked at John.
“Fix it.” he’d said, like it was the simplest thing in the world.
But it wasn’t simple.
Not when the love John felt for you had been complicated from the start. Not when Kyle and Johnny and Simon already occupied so much of his heart, and the idea of forcing you to share that space- even with men who adored you already- felt like asking too much.
So he waited, and waited.
He waited until he saw you again, looking so perfectly soft and sweet and untouched by the harshness of the world around you, even despite all the hate-filled rumors aimed your way, it nearly broke him. He waited until Kyle started dropping more and more excuses to see you, until Johnny began dragging you into their outings, until even Simon- gruff, stoic Simon- began pausing to ask how you were doing when he saw you in passing.
He waited until he couldn’t not ask.
And when he finally did- when he knelt before you and offered you everything he had, everything he was, everything they were because he would keep anything a secret from you- you didn’t answer right away.
“John…” You were at a loss for words, eyes shifting to a fro. You could hear your parents practically yelling at you to just accept, no matter what, within your mind.
Your cheeks turned warmer than a furnace, and you lowered your head, gritting your teeth. “Surely you all know that- that I’m not… exactly the best candidate for you.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
Your eyes widened, mouth falling open, and he wanted to kiss that expression off your face. Replace it with something happier, brighter.
“It doesn’t matter.” John repeated, voice soft and so painfully fond. “They can say all they want. It’s you who I care about- we care about. Nobody else matters. Nothing else matters, except for your happiness and what you want. So I ask again… will you be my Duchess?”
You bit your lips, ignoring the tiny little voice of your nanny scolding you for your terrible nervous habit. You wanted to accept. You ached to accept.
“Promise me, John,” you breathed out. And he listened, more than anyone else ever has. “Promise me. I won’t ever be a simple accessory on your arm, or a forgotten relic in your home. I won’t be brushed aside, while everyone around me is loved. Please, John. If you can promise me that, then I accept.”
And for John?
It didn’t even take him a second before agreed; already, he could imagine the relief that the others would have, as well.
He could also imagine you, blooming in their home.
#noona.asks#cod x reader#noona.writes#cod x you#cod#tf 141 x reader#tf 141 x you#tf 141#cod imagines#john price x reader#poly 141 x you#poly!141 x reader#poly 141 x reader#poly!141#poly 141#simon ghost riley x you#simon ghost riley imagines#simon ghost riley x reader#ghost x you#ghost x reader#johnny soap mctavish x reader#johnny soap mctavish x you#soap x you#soap x reader#kyle gaz garrick x you#kyle gaz garrick x reader#gaz x reader#gaz x you#kyle gaz x you#kyle gaz x reader
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Insatiable Madness
Diverted-Dimension (Christmas 2024)
|Sagau Yandere Fatui Harbingers x Reader|
Why am I back here again!? Take me back to the canon!
Reader is Gender Neutral!
"Finally!" You cheered, stepping back to admire the Christmas tree in the corner of your living room.
"It looks good." Pantalone commented, looking at all the trinkets placed on the tree. "Although, I believe this gadget would look better placed there... And this bauble, yes, hmm, perhaps on the branch above rather than--"
Y'know, it always takes one person to ruin everyone else's happiness doesn't it? Especially when their name is Pantalone. You rolled your eyes, ignoring his fiddling with what you considered a complete and beautiful tree.
Let's just hope Columbina doesn't see him fiddling with her decorations. For Pantalone's sake, you pray she takes five extra minutes in the bathroom so he can have a safe getaway when he's finished with something he sees as necessary.
Anyway, you've been preparing for Christmas day tomorrow. You wanted to put up the tree earlier, not wanting to leave it this late, however being busy babysitting and making sure all the Harbingers go to work with a happy mood sure takes up a lot of time. Not only does it feel like you're playing a very dangerous version of the Sims, but more importantly, it sucks that when all of them leave you have to entertain the others that don't go to work in the first place.
"It feels like the tree is missing something." Dottore chimed in, standing back with a finger on his bottom lip.
"Please don't say that, The Regrator is already driving himself mad with his own activities." Arlecchino stated
Ignoring those two... They're right, something seems wrong with the tree. But you used everything in the box, what could be missing --
Oh, of course! How could you forget!?
"It's missing an angel on top!" You pointed out, walking over to the Christmas box and rummaging around.
After a while of digging and loud crashing noises consisting of you throwing out whatever you thought could also be added, you found a dusty china angel missing a hand.
"Agh, this won't do." You scolded yourself. "We'll have to go with a star instead. I'll have to cut one out later."
"Cut one out? How are you going to cut a star out of the sky?" Childe asked with a bewildered expression.
"They mean they'll cut one out of paper you damn idiot." Scaramouche glared out of the corner of his eye.
"I often see the Children of the Hearth doing something similar when I pass by..." Signora thought to herself out loud, leaning on one of the arms of the sofa.
"Yes, the children love cutting out different shapes and animals. It just so happens stars are one of the easiest things to make." Arlecchino nodded in agreement.
If it's so damn easy, why don't you do it for me?? You grumbled with an angry grin. It took you a few days to learn how to cut a good looking star out of paper due to your clutzy fingers, how dare they call it 'easy' in front of you!
"Hm? Why do you look angry at me?"
"No reason." You answered her, sharply turning your head away from her tilted one. "Do I even have any paper left? Ugh, I might have to use lined paper and paint it using gold nail varnish if push comes to shove."
"Absolutely not." Sandrone interrupted you. "That sounds messy and unnecessarily more difficult than if you just bought yellow card."
"And where do you propose I get this yellow card? Out of my arse?"
"No." She looked repulsed. "The shop? I saw some in an isle."
"When and why did you go into the corner shop?" You caressed your head, sighing when hearing her solution.
"That's unimportant."
"Sure it is. Anyway, I need to start thinking about how I'm going to cook Christmas dinner--"
"Oh no you don't." Scaramouche interrupted you with a cold voice. "The last time you cooked a genuine meal that didn't include those 'instant noodles', you poisoned everyone who has an organic stomach."
"No way, the Balladeer cares enough about me to not want to see me bedridden again?" Childe gushed with a chuffed smile.
"That's not important!" You raised your voice with flushed cheeks. "How did you know that what I cooked was 'instant' noodles? I never told you that!"
"I asked a staff member in the shop down the street when I saw the exact same package for sale in one of the pasta isles."
"Oh my god, how many of you have been in that damn shop without me!?"
The room stayed silent, some looking away with a cringe whilst others looked at you with unbothered faces.
“Do I count? I’ve never left the house.” Capitano raised his hand innocently.
"Unbelievable." You cried to yourself dramatically.
"I can't believe he's still fiddling." Pulcinella sighed with judging eyes, watching the banker radically move around the tree mumbling to himself like a robot given an impossible task.
"So this is what happens when you don't give him something to do after a long period of time. Lesson learnt." Pierro sweated, coughing into a clenched fist with shut eyes.
"It's not my fault." He turned to the group with hysterical eyes, every so often one twitching. Considering his eyes are always closed, you’re impressed that his mania has managed to do the impossible. "The Decider won't let me do one of the things I'm best at, manipulating an economy. Denying me access to undermining this country's government is making me go mad!"
"What a lunatic." You ignored him, eyeing his antics as nothing more than a regular occurrence at this point.
"So, we're up for cutting a star for the tree then?" You turned back to the group.
"It's your decision and your tree, so of course." Signora shrugged.
"I'm baaaack!~" Columbina burst through the door like a canary, singing with a pep in her step.
She stopped when she saw Pantalone running around the tree, her energy from earlier vanishing as fast as a bird when hearing a gunshot.
"Erm... It's not what it looks like." He turned around slowly, feeling her menacing and dangerous energy piercing his back.
He put his hands in the air, his smile shaking in fear.
"It better not be what it looks like." Her smile contrasted his own. "Because it seems you've been touching something I specifically warned all not to touch.~"
"He's dead, he's actually dead." Childe commented on the sidelines.
"Amen."
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
Sandrone left to go get yellow card whilst Columbina forced you to tear down the Christmas tree and start decorating it from scratch. She said it was a punishment for you also, due to letting him rearrange it despite hearing her warning. What bullshit, she just couldn't be bothered to do it again. Anyway, Capitano helped you hold the christmas tree up so you could wrap the tinsel around it without trouble. What a nice guy… even though he technically isn’t helping you with what counts most.
"I don't understand why we're cutting out stars. Can't we just use me as the angel?" Columbina giggled to herself.
"No, that would be weird." You frowned at her. "What I don't understand is why everyone is cutting stars with me. Didn't the majority of you say this is going to be boring? Do something else!"
"The 'something else' you're talking about was also boring." Scaramouche picked up his pair of scissors, tracing his finger on the sharp side.
“I’d much rather cut something up than count how many particles are in a cloud.”
“What does that even mean!?”
“Anyway,” Dottore coughed with an irritated stretching smile. “I propose we make this a competition.”
“Of all the childish suggestions–” Arlecchino was cut off.
“I agree, I agree!” Columbina nodded with a happy smile. “It can’t be too hard, maybe we should have a reward for who wins the competition?”
“Although I find the idea of a competition to be senseless, a reward does sound quite… boosting.” Pantalone thought out loud, a greedy smile on his lips.
“This is not happening.” You sighed to yourself, head planted onto the table with exasperation radiating off of your slumped form.
“But what reward could we put on offer? I’m not against competition, heck, I encourage it! But what could we all fight for which would allow us to fight at our strongest the whole time?” Childe leaned against his chair.
The Harbingers thought to themselves, the room erupting in silence with the occasional cough or sniff. All of a sudden, their heads turned and looked at you. Feeling their gazes burning into you, you looked up from the table to see them expectantly eyeing you.
“Ohhh no. No way in whatever thoughts you’re all sharing am I getting involved in this. I’m not becoming some trophy you can flaunt for the rest of the evening.” You denied them.
“But you’re the perfect solution!” Childe playfully pouted.
“Quit torturing them, Childe.” Signora scolded the young ginger. “I propose this; let whoever wins ask The Decider one question. That question can be related to anything, the future or the past.”
“Hmm, but how would we know whether The Decider wouldn’t lie to us?” Dottore suggested.
“I’m staying out of this one.” Pulcinella put his hands in the air, leaving the room. “You youngsters go have fun, I’ll sit this one out.”
“Rooster, I would suggest staying to supervi–”
“So you can go back to that dirty office you keep closing yourself in to work? No thank you, I shall handle your paperwork today. You supervise this time.” He gave the director a harsh glare, making sure to purposefully hit him with his walking stick before walking away.
“Sometimes I can’t tell whether the Rooster is secretly a teenage girl or is just simply strange…” Pierro muttered to himself. Sighing.
“How about both, mixed in with the fact that he’s a psycho with more control issues than you think.”
“Hm? You think even more than the Regrator?”
“Deffo.” You clicked your tongue. “He just hides it because he’s a champ like that.”
“Don’t change focus!” Scaramouche raised his voice. “I order you to answer me. You will tell the truth to the victor of the contest, no?”
“Hold on, didn’t we agree to ask our own questions once we deliver them to the Tsaritsa?” Childe questioned.
“That was just to get you to not hound The Decider back when we first found them.”
“Fine.” You agreed with an eye roll, secretly crossing your fingers behind your back like a five year old. You’ll probably just make something up that sounds accurate when the winner asks their question. You’re betting that Sandrone will win this though, this kind of has something to do with her job after all.
“It’s decided then!” Columbina clapped in delight. “The Decider and The Director will be our judges. We’ll work for 10 minutes to create a star suitable to be put on the tree, then will be judged to see who has the best!”
“This is not gonna go well…” You said, trying your best to cover the shaky smile on your face. This is the best! You’ll just pick someone who won’t ask a question you don’t mind answering! Thank you Columbina for giving you this chance.
“You’re telling me!” Pulcinella shouted from the other room, sarcasm oozing like tar glooping down a slope.
“Count us down, count us down!” Columbina couldn’t contain her excitement, her body practically vibrating.
“Alright, alright… Ugh, I regret this… On your marks, get set, cut!”
“Seriously? ‘Cut’?” Pierro turned to you.
“What was I supposed to say!?”
The Harbingers sat at the table immediately started cutting, the sound of card shredding and small pieces emitting everywhere. Guess who’s going to have to clean that up? You thought with a frown, watching card pile up in the small crevasses in your carpet.
Looking around at the Harbinger’s cutting paper, you realise one was just sitting there watching the others work.
“Uhh, Capitano? Aren’t you going to begin?” You asked him.
“No.” His deep voice answered in return. “I am not going to join this display, no matter how entertaining it will be for you. Firstly, my fingers won’t fit in the holes of the scissors. And secondly, I have no question to ask you so entering just for victory would be pointless.”
“Brother, your fingers can’t be that big.” You deadpanned, letting your mind wander a bit too far with the thought.
He simply crossed his arms and continued to watch the others, ignoring you from then on. Oh well, he’s not interfering or arguing back like a child so you’ll let it happen. Besides, it looks like he quite likes watching so it’s the least you could do.
Pierro put an arm on your shoulder, getting your attention. You turned to make eye-contact and saw him hesitating in what to say to you.
“Do you need a defibrillator? You look like you’re having a seizure.”
“Who do you think is going to make the best star?” He said after, not registering your insult you said a few seconds prior.
“Wow. Did it really take you that long to think of what to say to me?”
“Quiet.” He warned you.
“Hmm… Who do I think is going to win?” You mumbled out loud, pretending to give it some thought. “Screw it, I’m not going to pretend. Sandrone’s going to make the best one because she does this kind of thing as a job.”
“Hah!” She guffawed after hearing your predictions, continuing her cutting with a content smile.
“Buuuut, that’s not what makes a star special. It isn’t just perfection, but passion and hope. I want to see how unique some people will make it… within reason of course.”
“I wasn’t expecting such an intelligent reply.” Pierro sweated. “Here I was, ready to scold you.”
“It’s like that’s all you can ever bloody think about when it comes to me.” You deadpanned.
“You give me no choice half of the time.” He sighed with a shaking head. “Your choices are often questionable and must be corrected. Would you rather have a physical punishment instead?”
Is this guy nuts?
“No… No, I would not.”
“That's what I thought.” He turned to look at the competition.
“Decider, help me out here.” Scaramouche clicked his fingers, beckoning you like an old woman would to her juvenile cat.
“Do I look like your pet?” You recoiled in disgust.
“I’ll let you leave the house to go to that dumb park you like if you help me right now.”
“I’m on my way!” You ran over to his side, peering down to see the mess of a star he’s created. It’s not bad at all, it’s actually your style - you like it a lot! What on earth could he need help for?
When you peered down to his design, you felt a cold unnatural hand grasp the side of your head and pull it closer to his face.
“Tell me how you like them.” He whispered. “Would you rather me add more detail or remove it? And don’t lie to me or I’ll kill you.”
“Pierro, The Balladeer is cheating! He’s bribing The Decider!” Sandrone pushed her chair back and stood up dramatically, pointing her scissors at the offender.
“Hey, no fair!” Childe whined. “If he gets to bribe them, let me bribe them too!”
“If anyone is to bribe the Decider, it should be me. I am the richest man in Teyvat after all.” Pantalone shrugged whilst lazily cutting.
“Correction: Ningguang is the richest in terms of all. You only count as the richest when it comes to being a man.” You pointed out. “And besides, I would never take your dirty money.”
Piero coughed loudly to quieten everyone down, all in the room turning to him like a deer in headlights. He waited until everyone stopped complaining and then spoke.
“Do continue with your cutting, you have less than a minute left.” He gestured to the timer. “And no bribery. The first to test my patience and even attempt to do so will be put under experimentation during the rest of our stay here and our return.”
“Oh, by all means, bribe away!” Dottore laughed at the Harbinger’s around him, silently cutting.
Huh? Less than a minute left? But when you last looked at the time they had at least 8 minutes left. You checked the timer once more, and found fat greasy fingerprints on buttons that weren’t there prior. You turned to the old man with an incredulous face, mouth wide open. He caught your staring, and put a finger on his lips with a small almost unnoticeable smile.
Pierro, you cheeky bastard. I love you for this.
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
The stars were laid out on the dining table, each Harbinger stood behind their own creations. Sadly but also un-sadly, some Harbingers were too slow and couldn’t finish their star in time. By some, you mean Pantalone and surprisingly Sandrone.
“I’m not going to hear the end of this.” Sandrone had her face buried in her hands, looking at her creation with malice. “In defence, I value time to craft perfection. Announcing a set time dampens my methods and results in mechanics such as this one. Ugh, what a waste!” She threw the craft off of the table, the star unravelling itself immediately.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course.” You sarcastically waved at her embarrassment. “And you, Pantalone? What’s your excuse?”
“The scissors you gave me were tampered with! I call for–”
“So I’m the problem? Okay, whatever…”
You walked down the table, looking at each star neutrally then nodding and moving onto the next. Now, you’re not an expert, but did they really think you wouldn’t notice? They all look the exact same! They all look like copied versions of Scaramouche’s design! When watching him try to bribe you, they must have thought you liked his design the best and copied him to have a fair chance. Well, they’re wrong! You’re just going to pick the person who will give you the least trouble when answering their question, jokes on them!
…That was your original plan. After looking at all the stars, you felt a new motivation when noticing one person didn’t copy and stuck to their own principles. Also they may or may not be the only person to not take this seriously and you want to mess with the others a little bit. Pierro will agree with you, he’s the type to disregard any copycats so he won’t have trouble with your choice at all.
“Okay, I’ve decided on my winner.” You announced, stepping back to view the expectant Harbingers.
“Arlecchino, you win.”
“WHAT!?”
“But why?” She asked, not looking surprised or pleased. “I could care less about an answer to a question, nor do I care about winning this childish competition.”
“That’s actually why I picked you. And because your star is an original design - sorry Scara, but uhh, you might have won if the others didn’t copy.”
“Of course.” He grumbled, glaring at the Harbingers staring at him. “One day, I’m going to murder all of you fools and sell your parts to people far worse than Dottore! I’ll get back at all of you for ruining my chances!”
“Anyway,” You tuned his violent voice out. “Yeah, you’re the winner. Pierro, what do you think?”
“...I agree.” He said in a quieter tone. “Now, I will be returning to my office to continue what’s left of my work… and review what The Rooster has already completed.”
As he was walking away, you turned back to notice the majority of Harbingers had walked away to go back to what they were doing prior, bored after realising they wouldn't be able to profit with staying around for longer.
“Do I get to ask my question now?” Arlecchino tapped her elbow impatiently with folded arms.
“So you do want the reward?”
“Despite it not being my intention when joining, I would indeed like something that was promised. Whether it be an accident or a purposeful decision.”
“Okay, fine. Ask away then.” You shrugged.
“As you must already be aware, the majority of my Children from the Hearth hail from Fontaine, the nation of justice. I won’t lie to you, I’m beginning to grow increasingly concerned with the prophecy where–”
“--where the whole nation will be flooded and all the people will be killed except the archon? Yeah, I know of it. Your point?” You finished her explanation, already having an idea of where the conversation was heading.
“Then you will understand I care deeply about the future of my children. Tell me, will I succeed in convincing the Tsaritsa to visit Fontaine to retrieve the Gnosis in place of Rosalyne?”
“Of course you’d use the question to ask about your ‘precious children’.” Scaramouche mocked. “Just how idiotic can you be?? This is your chance to ask about the future!”
You gave a harsh glare with icy eyes in his direction before sighing, a smile on your face. “Yeah.”
“Hm? You have to give a higher detailed response to that.”
“You go to Fontaine, Childe coincidentally also there for his own personal motivations which may or may not be important. The whole time you’re there, you’re investigating Furina and the prophecy. Long story short, that I WILL NOT be elaborating, the prophecy is sorted and the people are saved. This includes the children in the House of the Hearth.” You explained, pleased with the question she asked you and your own personal answer. Wow, you can even impress yourself sometimes!
“Excellent.” She sighed in relief, her face unchanging. “Thank you. But I do have to ask, is the Hydro Archon really working to prevent the flood?”
“That’s two questions. But fine,” You shrugged. “You can trust her. Everything is proceeding to the plan, although interrogation and suspicion do indeed accelerate it to completion.” You thought out loud, noticing her questioning gaze and smiling deeper.
“That’s enough serious stuff. When are we going to discuss presents? Now that the tree is up we need to put the presents under it!”
“Uh… We’re flat-out poor. We can’t afford presents.” Childe shrugged. “Guess you’ll have to accept my love as a present instead!”
“Ew, what are you, five? Wait… Don’t come over here! Not after saying something like that!” You panicked, watching him run over to you at full speed and choosing to run away.
“Scaramouche you know how you said you’d take me to the park? I’m cashing in that favour right now!”
#InsatiableMadness#sagau#genshin impact#yandere genshin impact#fatui harbingers#yandere harbingers#genshin#pierro#capitano#il dottore#columbina#arlecchino#pulcinella#scaramouche#sandrone#la signora#pantalone#tartaglia#childe#fatui#genshin fatui#InsatiableMadnessEvent
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I'm making a Dump Their Ass playlist on Spotify if anyone has any suggestions I would appreciate them
#I'm not sure if I'll ever actually send it to either of the two people whose love lives have motivated this playlist but I really want to rn#like please for the love of me and everyone else who cares about you#stop dating this asshole#also yourself#like love yourself#stop dating the guy who trashed your room when you broke up with him the first time#who routinely lets his family treat you like shit heck even actively participates in their treatment of you#please you deserve love and care#and romantic relationships should 100% spark joy#may delete this later
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To be honest, I know things get worse.
I went for Umrah and really prayed for things in my life to improve . But you know how sometimes you feel so helpless that you want to give up on everything in life? That’s me right now.
I feel very helpless . I’ve lost control of my life . I tried my best to make things work. Tried my best to get a stable and good job , tried my best to not be in my own cave and go out and socialise.
But I have failed. In the last 10 years , I have done everything by myself . I’ve found my own way out in life with zero help, although im proud sometimes I feel if I had some sort of backing or incredible support my luck would’ve improved .
Such as friends who would refer me to better jobs or ways to invest for a better future . A partner who would guide me how to love and let go of my anger . At one point in my life , every time I felt sad I had an incredible friend who would go and have pastamania with me, which is my comfort food . Just one call away and we would have sausage pasta (spicy) with coke and waffle fries. Now she’s married just like everyone else .
Sometimes I can’t get over the feeling of my own حسرت— why is it that all the girls always get good partners . All my friends got good partners , no one ever thought about me , no one ever approached me for marriage. Even if they did, there was always another girl who was better than me and beat me to it. Always. It’s like as if all the time and energy I invested in a man, all the love I had for him was worthless, it is like as if I am invisible and don’t even matter . But the other girl always wins in life . She gets the life I always desired meanwhile I have to pick up all of my scattered love, reshuffle and think— where do I put it? I have nowhere to put it! Why must things get destroyed for me? Why must I be the one suffering ? I am not even a chaalak person, I am homely . I like to do ghardaari but I am never the chosen one . I am also loyal but never chosen.
Now, I just have pastamania alone because I lost my friends , I have no one to eat with , no one to chill with: I spend so much time with my cat and watching Pakistani dramas . I listen to coke studio and Atif Aslam. I love Honey Singh.
It’s so difficult to explain to someone who sees you as a stranger and hater that I have been holding my own fort for the longest time . That even if I get angry please understand it is due to incredible stress. If you think you can’t handle and I deserve to be blocked or never spoken to , go ahead maybe that’s all im worth .
I’ve always asked for strength to keep going but I find myself running out of strength .
Support builds character , growth and good mindset . It has been very difficult to be alone in my 20s. My sisters got married , and after my second sister got married , I felt so alone at home . Now I am exactly 30, it’s overwhelming to grow old .
I’m lucky to have my parents , but caring for them and worrying about their health every single day eats into my strength.
Whose shoulder do I cry on? I hate crying in front of my parents because I need to be their strength .
I don’t know what to do. I have tried everything’. Everything that I possibly could in my hands .
I wish that someone would just sit with me and say to me “I genuinely care about you. And your well being”.
I wish I wasn’t suffering . My brain is going to explode with all the sadness.
X
Bird (Andrea Arnold, 2024)
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RIP Will Campos the only person who was murdered this episode.
#I fucking loved this episode but also FUCK- OH UH DON'T READ MY TAGS IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED YET CAUSE UH SPOILERS LOL#dndads#dungeons and daddies#the peachyville horror#dndads spoilers#dndads s3 ep 5#tony collette#ebenezer white#[breathes]#TONYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY#FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK#choosing to believe there's a chance they save him#I REALLY hope they save him#please these tags were gonna be me rambling about how I'm so ready for him to accidentally become an actual spy#and how Ebenezer is just one more person I need him to have homoerotic tension with#BUT NOW WHAT#Anyways poor Will but also not poor Will cause it was REALLY funny how much everyone was screwing with him this episode zkbfeskgzl#stupidly it was the moth bit that got me the most and particularly Matt describing its journey lmao#Somehow- like I knew the Trudy stuff was gonna be dark but somehow it was even darker than I imagined like fuuuuuck#Also sounds like the people who theorized there'd been an og human Trudy were *probably* right?#Heh. But was it a normal death or was she *murdered* dun dun dun#*Very* excited for Kelsey's boxing match#Francis UH OH GOD??#the two scoops line was perfect though#what else what else... No I'm just caught on that ending now god DAMN it I don't care if they pull some cheap shit to save him#oh actually I know exactly what I want out of this but I'll make a separate post about that one sec lol#undescribed
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finally coming out as a dyke in 2023 is realizing i dont need to pretend to simp that Guy just because everyone else in my friend group does
#finally coming out as a dyke in 2023 is realizing i can be insane abt women the same way my friends are insane abt men#life changing#mochats#im sorry to my friends who think me simping that guy was genuine#i was just trying to fit in#its a good time to admit that 90% of the time i also dont care abt male characters same way how-#-some straight women dont care abt female characters#i refuse to waste my power on a guy everyone else cares about#im tired enough and i have assignments to do#if i become an outcast for only sparing my energy on women then so be it.#i care about my friends and love them gushing abt a Guy but i personally cannot be made to care in a way they do#not just because i think (often neglected) female characters deserve more of my attention but also because-#-my attraction does influence my interest LETS BE FR HERE#growing up is realizing that putting attention on things you dont care about#is exhausting#as fuck#and i kind of hated how i feel like i wasted my youth energy drawing characters idc abt to please others#now im just tired all the time#while wishing i can draw more women more often#so like#dont do that#draw and write what YOU want#btw its not that i dont care abt men i just have such low energy lately that if i care for anything else but women — it may be unfulfilling#live laugh fatigue#every time i see a guy fanart i scroll past life has never felt so good#(unless its by a friend which i will appreciate dearly i love my friends art and how passionate they r)
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every time i see bakudeku compared to k/ance (now specifically in terms of them getting shafted in the ending and/or accused of queerbaiting) i take psychic damage
#i am NOT tagging this one mainly because i don't want to bring down the fucking horde of klance shippers on my head#i was there. i was part of the fandom. and i STILL don't understand how or why THAT was the massive ship#y'all are clinging to something that stopped being relevant after SEASON ONE in an EIGHT SEASON LONG show#lance spent the ENTIRE series crushing on (and eventually fully falling in love with) allura#allura who slowly started to reciprocate. allurance CONTINUED to get ship tease EVEN as she fell for lotor#literally 85% of the significant klance moments/interactions were in the first season#i don't know how y'all kept clinging to a ship that gave you absolute scraps#as for keith. again i watched voltron myself. i even BRIEFLY shipped klance when the show first came out#because again - season one was GREAT for them. a strong foundation for a ship! but that foundation was NEVER built upon#then season two hit and i was quite happy to pivot to sheith which is where i remained until the ending#keith spent the entire show very devoted to shiro. you don't have to read it romantically but it's a hell of a lot easier to do so#than ever imagining he'd feel that way about lance after he just. basically stopped caring about him post s1#meanwhile lance slowly let go of the (one-sided) rivalry and just focused more and more on allura#comparing klance and bakudeku feels like a fucking crime to me.#klance was a once-promising rivals to lovers arc that IMMEDIATELY fizzled out into them being kind of friends.#but specifically The Friends Who Never Hang Out kind. while both parties were lowkey obsessed with someone else.#this ship was NEVER going to happen when it became clear around s4-5 that the writers DID NOT CARE about it at all#(and they went on record saying they were surprised it was so huge!)#meanwhile until the trashfire epilogue bakudeku spent the ENTIRE series obsessed with each other#they were friends to enemies to rivals to friends with everyone HOPING they'd get a canonical 'to lovers' tacked on#they got the MOST development in the series individually and as a pair (platonically or otherwise)#THIS ship had legs and was only denied greatness because it was struck with the typical shounen homophobia curse#PLEASE stop comparing one of the greatest arcs and relationships (even if it stumbled at the finish line)...#that i have EVER seen... to That. to fucking... two bros chilling in a hot tub (five feet apart cause they're not gay)#(except keith MIGHT be. just not for lance. sorry not sorry.)
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"Alright Cersha, if it pleases you to get worked up over every minor inconvenience I shall not stand in your way." she was exhausting, truly. Her vigilance, and constant need to stay ahead of everything and everyone was tiresome to observe -- he could only imagine how much more tiresome it must've been to live. But at this point, Varyn supposed if his dear sister did not have anything to worry about, she would simply explode. Or implode. Collapse, cease to exist. "You resemble our lord father more every day. Perhaps if you were to truly impress your marriage prospect you ought to take a step back and assume some favourable traits of our late mother. You are far too cold and much too sharp -- I cannot imagine being stuck in a marriage with you and hoping it would bring up any sort of happiness."
Varyn wasn't trying to be cruel. In fact, he was trying to be helpful. With wine between his lips, smoothing out his throat, he reminded himself no one else would dare voice these opinions to her face.
"You are smarter than I, dear sister, we are both aware -- but I feel I must remind you that no matter how logical and favourable the arrangement of marriage might be, those who have souls -- and 'm speaking of Vaelora here, not you -- long for some sort of love and connection and intimacy, on a deeper, perhaps even a subconscious level." he is being brutally honest, the kind of honesty he only ever afforded his sister. Showing a side of himself, only she ever got to see. "You may know everything there is to know of Vaelora, and say all the right words. You may present yourself, our family, our gold, our usefulness to the crown in the most perfectly packaged manner. But, dear sister -- can you make her love you? Because that --" he taps the table beside him, eyes focused on hers. "That is where true power lies. If you can get them to love you, you can get them to do anything. To overlook anything."
It was a skill, like any other. Varyn knew a thing or two when it came to love. He knew how to inspire it, how to use his charisma, his charms, his words to get strings of other peoples hearts to attach to his own. He knew how to look a woman in the eye, and tell her whatever it is she wanted to hear. And he knew, above all else, how to stay detached. For love was only there for the taking. Giving it -- it was too great a risk. The kind of risk he was not willing to take. He would not fall prey to.
"I've never asked. But what is it you want Cer? Power, I understand. But that cannot be all, surely?"
When the topic switched back to him, he finished his cup and gestured to the chair beside him. She would need to be sat down for this. He poured himself another, and then let a sigh of anxiety he'd carried on for most of the day, lift off his shoulder. He slouched, almost, a rare sight to behold and with his thumb and index finger he quickly pinched the top of his nose before falling into his story.
"You have heard of my exploits in Dorne. I'm sure. Twice I caught your very own spiders in my way, ever watchful." he did not care that his sister had her eyes on him, no matter where he went. He always assumed it brought her ease, knowing his movements. But she did not know...everything. "When I was training, I became acquainted with one Lady Dayne. A southern beauty, just as I like them. Long dark hair, violet eyes, olive skin. I must say, she left me rather breathless." his brows raise and he will speed up the story knowing his sister will hold no patience for poetics. "She did not fall for my charms instantly. Suppose you could say I wore her down. One thing...then another and...well, we are both adults, you can assume how this story should end."
He gives up the cup now, and takes a hold of the bottle instead. "I was growing rather fond of her, so I decided to leave Dorne. I'm sure father would have orchestrated a marriage alliance instantly should he gotten a whiff of our affair, so I did not return home yet." there's a pause. "Then a raven came in the night. Informing me of Lady Daynes unfortunate new...condition." Cersha would understand. "I burnt it."
Leaning forward in the chair, he feels lighter after his admittance. "I put it out of my mind. I am not the first, nor the last lord to sire a noble bastard." it would have been nice if it all just ended there. "All that is to say, Lady Dayne is now here. As is the babe. And I have barely managed to avoid a scene in the gardens by lying to her face I held no knowledge of her...predicament. Needless to say she's bound to find the truth eventually, but until then I should hope to find a way to resolve this situation without sullying our precious name." He had purposefully avoided mentioning the inexplicable bond and connection he felt towards the child. "There. Feel free to scold me now, I should welcome it for once."
Finally, he will relax and switch back to Cershas pressing matter. "What did she say during your meeting? Must have been something to have you feeling so...out of depth?"
" THERE IS A SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF ISSUES TO WORRY OVER AT THE MOMENT , VARYN . i assure you i am not seeking them out , they are very clearly there ." cersha bites out in response . she refuses to answer his question however , mostly due to the fact that she'd rather chew off her own foot than acknowledge that her brother is right , especially aloud . so instead cersha merely huffs a frustrated, " but of course there are no issues to you . after all , you close your eyes to them ." sometimes cersha wishes she could do the same . what a pleasure it must be to live thoughtlessly . fools must experience so much peace . she would almost envy them if she didn't deeply pity them . cersha can't help but roll her eyes as her brother continues , a hand moving to smack him on the bicep with an annoyed cluck of her tongue . " and you ?" cersha asks with an arch of her brows . " there are equal parts great beauty and great intellect between telessa and i , and yet all you have is grand confidence and apparently abysmal taste to your name . it is a great wonder why your younger sister is betrothed before you with such qualities under your belt ." cersha makes a point of sighing deeply as she looks out into the distance before the stairs , tiredly adding, " whatever will we do with you ?" in all honesty , cersha doesn't mean any of it but that in itself is irrelevant . in a battle of wit with one's brother the best course of action is to go lower and strike harder , and cersha refuses to lose in that respect . she refuses to lose in any respect truly . and perhaps that is what found her in line to be queen , but it may also very well be what led to her being here , sitting in a stairwell with her brother fretting over factors that she cannot control . it is with quickness that her head sharply turns to varyn as he continues , her glare sharp with instant focus . it is with an efficient shift in her seat that she moves to stare him down , her voice lowering into another hiss as she says , " ... varyn . if you dare to bed any of the targaryen sisters whilst we are quite literally here to announce my betrothal to the eldest of their house i may truly have to consider wringing your neck ." cersha tilts her head to ensure their eyes meet , her gaze intense with warning . " do you hear me ? this is not a jest . i will kill you ."
while cersha may not know nearly as much about vaelora as they would like , she knows much still . whispers of their protectiveness of their siblings was amongst the information that she'd collected , and well , varyn of all people bedding one of them surely would be trigger for such protectiveness . for just an instant she pleads with the gods to spare her . but then varyn continues , and it is as if those same gods laugh in her face . perhaps , it is her own fault for leaving herself at another entity's mercy in the first place . " ... what is it ?" cersha's tone is bland in waiting , her expression already twisted into something strained in anticipation . there is so very little chance that whatever is about to come out of her brother's mouth is good news . as she follows him her mood only sours further . she can feel the beginnings of a headache building up , just at her temples . suddenly , just for an instant , she wishes she were an only child . how peaceful would that be . the thought is left behind with the door closing behind them , but cersha is sure it will return again before their conversation is over . " yes , well , i intend to have control of the latter for as long as it suits me ." cersha replies with a tight smile that quickly drops . after all , it was only useful to do so . there had to be things that vaelora wanted , things that they enjoyed . cersha was quite sure she was beginning to gather an understanding of that , and if she had to sheath herself in lamb skin for a few years or decades to achieve her goals , then so be it . after all , it wasn't like she hadn't already been doing so in some capacity for majority of her life . it truly wouldn't be too grand of a transition . but as varyn offers more cersha can only study him thoughtfully , her gaze considering before she's nodding almost gratefully . " ... let me know what you find ." cersha replies in lieu of a thank you . she moves to fill her own goblet of wine as she says, " thusfar , i have a more than a few whispers and telessa , who is quite close to them ." cersha takes a large enough gulp of wine to be impolite that she truly only allows herself due to the current company . it's only after she swallows that she adds , " however , i feel it is not nearly enough now that i've met them once again ."
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asking for help always makes things worse
#I need to just accept that I’m never going to be given any understanding or actual help#I may never escape these worlds it seems it doesn’t matter how hard I try I can’t get anyone to listen to me#this feels traumatizing I feel entirely beaten and ground down into something small and helpless#I have no control at all I keep trying and trying and trying and trying and for what#I need somebody to just listen to me atp not being dismissed is better than nothing but everyone’s a curation anyway no real thoughts or#feelings but it doesn’t matter I don’t even care please just listen to me somebody listen to me I’m so confused do curations have some#autonomy I don’t think so maybe I don’t fucking know they said yes on the clock so perhaps yes so please just listen please pls pls pls pls#I can’t be traumatized I’m not human right but I’m having everything stripped from me every last ounce of control the shadow ppl have all#the control which is funny I’m fairly certain I’m one of them but they still can strip me of control I was bred for this#please somebody help me I keep begging like it’ll do anything can you at least help with the ppl and cameras in the vents#are ppl from the real world watching through them I believe so can anything be done something has to be done escape the impostors something#just something please just listening would help actual listening not dismissal you can think whatever you want about me but listen#maybe some have autonomy and some don’t ?#please understand that I’ve tried very hard I’ve tried very very hard suicidality and homicidality have dug their claws into me even further#I don’t know what else to do I’m at a loss and no one will listen to me at all I’ve tried asking offline I’ve tried asking online it doesn’t#matter what I do where I ask no one will listen even the ones who do somewhat say they don’t know what to do I’m suspicious do they really#not know what to do or are they lying that may be more an impostor thing but everyone and everything is suspicious to me uh uh uh just#listen and help please idk what to do it’s all in the mirrors and clocks and such but I need to find a way to enter the mirrors but I’m#scared what I’ll find who is looking back I’m scared what world I’ll end up in it may be their world I’ll be punished they said yes I’m#terrified can someone go in with me if I manage to find out how that’s pathetic but damn I don’t think I can anyway they’ve been crawling on#the ceilings today hahah doing some weird and wacky shit sometimes they’re a little funky and just there and other times I’m having a heart#attack no in between I know pleading with curations is likely going to be classified as annoying but for the love of god do you know what#else I am supposed to do ??? at the very least just listen to me please it is 02:14:46 how synchronous ! I can’t stop having what I think#are dreams about the mental hospital too haha they send me to dreamworlds sometimes trap me in them waking dreamworlds see I’ve been reduced#down into something tiny I’ve resorted to begging once again do I even want to beg am I lying to myself my words aren’t my own my thoughts#aren’t my own so is this not my own can’t ever speak none of it’s my own it feels unsafe especially to speak of anything that isn’t this#it isn’t safe it isn’t my own it’s not the focus idk idk idk should I ask to talk to someone again I wonder I want understanding for my#situation please listen to me the joints hurt aaaa#my life is a playyy is a playyy is a playyyyyy anyone like marina that song appeared in the head I wonder where that spider went it better#not be inside of the body ok ok ok anyone yes help wanted help needed 02:22:22
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one of the things that will always destroy me is people believing that good story = darker/more mature/more sexual. this belief has ruined so many stories that could have been amazing & has prevented almost everyone from enjoying other really good stories simply because the age range it's aimed at is one they believe can't have complex themes, characters, plot, etc etc. they don't believe they can be moved by something a publisher or studio decided is for kids & so write it off without even thinking about it. biggest curse of being a writer who actually loves stories & telling them is that literally no one else cares in the most pessimistic, higher-than-thou, capitalism brainrot way you can imagine. & it's all automatic. because that's just what you're taught.
#like people who love all kids media uncritically is another problem#but i find an even bigger one is people not believing animated stuff & younger age range stuff can impact you#like imagine trying to explain something you love so much it makes you cry#& every single time people react as if you told them something batshit off the walls insane like you only eat dirt or something#& they need to help you because there is clearly something wrong with you#& no matter how you explain it they always look at you like a crazy person#i feel like no matter what the kinds of art i love will always get shoved to the back of the closet#how i explain the hopelessness of trying to convince someone they're allowed to watch cartoons#but they're adamant they aren't because they're ''too old for that kind of thing''#it really makes me want to cry. & it makes me angry#anyways this is all to say that the minecraft movie is bad because people are afraid to interact with silly things in good faith#& complete 100% seriousness. they cannot take a concept like minecraft seriously#& so they can't see what it's REALLY about#it's not just haha silly block animal & because they can't see it as it is without the filter of ''for kids''#it will be a bad movie. & it won't represent everything everyone who grew up with that game sees in it#i hate seeing a huge problem & either no one else sees it or they do but just don't care because they don't think it's a problem#it IS a problem. it's a HUGE problem that people think they're not allowed to play or have fun or interact with silly concepts seriously#please take shit seriously i'm crying & i'm begging. we could have had something beautiful#people's inability to acknowledge beauty just because the setting is. in their eyes. for kids. is literally ruining art#& i'm gonna start killing about it#Animorphs save me............................................
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i know that whenever some kind of tragedy occurs everyone feels the need to say smth abt it in order to make the person at the center of it feel better or smth. but tbh? pisses me the fuck off, actually. feels like wow. something awful has happened and yet life goes on. i can stew in misery for a select amount of time but eventually i will have to get up and keep going. and then the SECOND that you do it's all "oh im so sorry X happened". nobody fucking asked. thanks so much for your needless apology it means absolutely fucking nothing to me. not in the slightest was it about you. get OFF of my dick right this second or im going to pound you to a fine mist for daring to bring it up in my presence. are we clear.
#vent post#fuck off lou#my post#vent#i KNOW people mean well and this isnt even about all people who do this#but it's like. someone walks into a room. bright greetings all around#they look at me. face goes sad. 'oh im SO sorry to hear abt-'#NOPE. ZIP IT. SHUT THE FUCK UP.#didnt come out tonight to talk about all that. yes it's a shame. now we can move on and talk about LITERALLY anything else#and i KNOW they dont mean it like that and theyre trying to be sympathetic#and everyone deals w this shit differently so maybe theyre trying to care for you the way theyd like to be cared for#just wish my vibes of 'DO NOT FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT' would be picked up. just once#of fucking course im not doing well. why would you ask when you already know what the answer is?#thank you so much for caring. do not ask me about it. i will literally talk abt any fucking thing else please for the love of FUCK#okay im good now
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#periodical life updates#eurgh. hiiii im so tired just got home from the family gathering thing im. exhausted hkjfh. and i still gotta draw the eca#still gonna be quiet for a while sorry gang <3 anyway lets not talk about any of that hdkjf ARTFIGHT THEME REVEAL!!#you'll never guess which team jace ''kellystar321'' starlight is choosing for seafoam vs stardust hfjkh#*gestures at my oc list* but also. what if i dont CARE anymore hfjkhf obviously i want to draw for people! its my favorite part! but like.#GODDD i dont care about my ocs anymore!! :') ive always been more of a fandom guy i dont... /want/ art of my ocs?#like yeah obviously agent my beloved! alexandria my beloved! eca has a whole daily blog! but my actual interest in them is sooo low.#there's so many people on artfight who LOVE their ocs like their children. their ocs are their blorbos!! but my ocs are like nothing to me?#i like fandom characters :'0 i would not be as excited to see art of my characters as someone else would be who actually likes their ocs!!#people should focus more on drawing art for people who CARE about their ocs. because if /I/ don't care about my oc and /YOU/ don't care#about my ocs then WHOS FLYING THE PLANE HJFSD no but theres ZERO ENJOYMENT coming out of it you get me? it doesnt make sense to draw for me#BUT ALSO. for silly ''i dont like seeing them all greyed out/hidden :('' reasons i dont want to archive them and hide them from everyone#/BUT ALSO./ i DON'T WANT ART OF THEM. ATTACK SOMEONE ELSE PLEASE. SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT THEIR CHARACTERS hfjkfh urgh.#like hey sorry i dont? care enough about the guys i made up? can you draw reader or kim k!tsuragi instead? thank you. hdjhfg;;;#also ive been. so tired :'> how much will i even be able to do this year? every year i gain more targets to attack because i keep meeting-#new friends all the time. i have some people from lgbt club im attacking this year! my stickmin friends. avm friends. my hell gang hkhg#my hlvrai friends and my longtime mutuals and MY BUREAU OF BALANCE GANG... not to mention revenges from last year :'>#its a lot. and im so tired;;; so. im not sure. i'd still like to join for my 8th year of artfight but damb. i dunno. :'> <3#okay thats all GOTTA DRAW AN ECA GOODBYE I LOVE YOU!!
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Can we talk about how fucked up it is that writers even have to ask people not to put their work into an AI?
Like what the actual fuck is wrong with some people that they think they're entitled to steal someone else's work and then ask an AI to finish it
I don't care if your favorite fic author hasn't updated in two weeks or ten years. Those fics aren't yours and you are NOT entitled to steal them and run them through a bullshit generator
#like no shade to the people i've seen doing telling people this but like#you should not have to say 'please just send me an ask and we can talk about where the fic was going'#like these people are holding a gun to your head and saying 'finish this or i'll feed it to an AI to do it for you'#like YOU are doing NOTHING WRONG and people shouldn't feel entitled to your work like that#its fucking disgusting#fanfiction is beautiful because it's a product of human creativity and an expression of love#AI generated works are soulless and shitty and to have a computer take over someone else's work and decide how it ends is also FUCKED#fuck everyone who's ever done this to someone else's work honestly I don't care if this hurts people's feelings you should feel bad
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you ever just see a post and just
. 😭
.⬅️🫀⬅️
#Worst emoji combo ever but it’s gon be such big depression hours down here so scroll if you want im on the brink of throwing up#don’t you just bloody love it how over the past 3 years you’ve only seen people the large total of…. 4 times!!! An average of seeing someon#outside of school 1.3 times per year!! What a bloody fantastic way to spend your teenage years!#Don’t you also just love it when people talk right to you about how they all went out together over the weekend and like did some stupid#shit like your average high schooler would do and you’re just like “oh. I went to my 1 and a half hour long dance class and got ignored the#entire time and when you did try to talk they just spoke over you” oh my fucking god I hate that place so much even the teacher fucking#ignores me once we were going in a circle and she was asking everyone what they got for Christmas and I was in the middle of the circle so#thought hey maybe someone will actually acknowledge my existence but she fucking ignored me and went to next person like why the fuck#And now I’m debating staying in that shithole bc I was invited to a gc for that class and I stupidly thought that someone might want me#There. I wasn’t even invited I secretly scanned the qr code to join over someone else’s shoulder#everyone else there is the best of bloody friends and I’m just there talking to one friend who I don’t even think is my friend#“Hey man I’m really fucking sad rn can I talk to you” “womp womp have you heard stupid fact no.3848594 about my ocs while I ignore you when#you talk about anything else about me” oh my god shut up literally no one else sane would see someone like that their closest friend rn#At least someone wants to talk to me#Like what is it that makes people not want to see my please just tell me I’ll change I’m amazing at changing my personality to fit others#promise me on that I’ve done it my entire life#Even just messaging me more than once every year and I’d consider you my best friend this is how bad I’m getting#What is so bloody bad about me that no one else likes I don’t care how badly you fucking word it just something#It shouldn’t be normal to wish death on people you call your mates bc you heard about them all going out together without you#Oh dear did the gc’s without me in it there’s one for every friend group I’ve ever been in why isn’t there one for the main group I’m in rn#Idfc anymore just tell me what I’m doing wrong I keep asking people if they want to go out or how far away they live from some place#And it’s always met with ignoring me talking over me or immediately changing the subject#Please if you’re someone I know irl what the fuck am I doing fucking wrong I can’t fucking do this anymore be as mean as you like#Why the fuck does no one ever want to be around me why do I hear so much about stuff others are doing together but never me#It shouldn’t be normal to prefer being in a toxic relationship than what I’m in rn#I fucking hate everything
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please remember that it is a compliment to be disliked by people. most people don’t even like themselves. think about why you even want to be liked by somebody. why do YOU like YOURSELF?? why give a fuck about whether or not somebody with so much work to do on themselves doesn’t like you? they literally do not even like themselves. they can’t genuinely “like” you.
#mine#so tired of people who literally only know to people please#‘people pleaser’ is such a joke of a phrase bc they’re literally the most disappointing people i know#they don’t respect themselves#they live in such a way that is so repulsive to me it literally gives me euphoria to know they dislike me#call me names lie about me tell me you never wanna see me again#it’s literally bliss#like what do they expect?#for me to cry on the floor and beg them to love me?? i am not a fucking codependent like everyone else you know#i’m not gonna fucking fawn over you after you mistreat me#and of course no one else will defend me bc they’re all cowards too#afraid to not be on the narcissist’s team#bc the only other team has literally one player and that’s the scapegoat / truth teller#literally who tf wants to go against the narc?? nobody!! that’s why they think i’m stupid#it’s a blessing to be hated by cowards#it’s a sign you’re doing at least one thing right#acoa#family systems#codependency#narcissitic abuse#sick & tired of people living in these beat-around-the-bush type relationships where they are never direct and they are never happy#they don’t actually CARE about each other#they just want to be comfortable!!!#well it’s not COMFORTABLE to grow#‘you’re not the same person you used to be’ yeah well you’re EXACTLY THE SAME!!!#i love when people think that’s an insult#go ahead and tell on yourself#you have never changed or grown or confronted the ways that you treat people#i’m over it#it’s such a joke when these people try to talk to you
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