#like perfectly fine and probably even good

[lets-try-some-writing]

A reminder for myself and other writers in the form of a Q&A style response:

My writing sucks

No it doesn't. Perhaps it is untrained, but it is never worthy of being degraded. The words you weave are a gift that you can cultivate. Never forget that.

What if people don't like my work?

Some people won't like it, and that is the way of things. But that is no reason to be afraid to make the lovely things you have in that marvelous brain of yours. No one else thinks like you do, and no one will ever make the thing you want the same way you could. There is no harm in making something, even if it is not received well. Perhaps someday someone will find themselves changed because of what you have brought into being.

Is it even worth it?

You decide if it has worth or not. Does it bring you joy? Does it increase your skill? Does it challenge you? Does it make you see the world in different ways? Are there people who are touched by it? You decide what makes your work worthwhile. Your life is your own, and no one can choose what should matter most to you. But with that said, every word you write is one step closer to mastery. Never give up because of a lack of engagement.

Are my ideas too crazy/niche?

You'll find your audience, regardless of what you create. There is a place for everyone, and while it is quite likely that farther thrown concepts won't find much ground in bigger fandoms or audiences, there will always be a few who appreciate it. Cherish those people.

I'm worried about my writing style/formatting.

Everyone has their own unique way of going about things. No two writers will ever be the same and that's fine. So long as your work fits into the grammar rules of whatever language you are writing in and doesn't look like a huge text block or otherwise makes no sense paragraph wise, it's probably fine. Most of the smaller issues can be hashed out through a quick chat with a beta reader or even a google search or two. Your style though? That's something you shouldn't stress. It will change as you do and readers will love or hate you for it. Tolkien and C.S Lewis had totally different ways of going about their work and both are beloved. Remember that you can be different too.

I should be writing an original work, not fanfic.

Writing an original work is a draining and monumental effort. Folks make it sound easy, but it isn't. Not usually. And you know what? That's perfectly fine. You don't have to get into writing and instantly whip up the next Harry Potter. In fact, most young writers who do get into things and try to go nuts end up burning out because they lose interest or are not quite skilled enough to bring their vision to life. Fanfiction is a brilliant training ground, a place to test new things, explore your interests through the use of premade templates and worlds, and otherwise begin to develop your style. There is no shame in learning through templates and prompt lists. Besides, if you get good enough at what you do, all your fanfic writing may bear fruit later down the line.

Have some faith in yourself writers. And do be sure to hydrate and take care of yourselves.

[kaija-rayne-author]

I need to look to see if there's 'veilguard positive' tags I can block because OMFG. I feel so fucking gaslit every time I see a positive post claiming the crafting was good, the writing was good, the art was good, because, no, objectively, they were not. (I say that as an author, editor, diversity consultant, and media critic, not just a consumer.)

Every writer who worked on VG has either resigned or been laid off. The creative director has been demoted to a much lower position at a different EA company, Busche 'resigned' which in corporate speak means she was probably asked to. The sales numbers are so abysmal they've essentially declared DA a dead IP. (These would be business signals that no, it wasn’t good. Why? Good games sell well. Usually quickly. Especially in AAA markets.)

IF VG had been a good game, those people would still have jobs, and Bioware would be celebrating. Because that's how sales and business works.

The art assets are reused everywhere, the writing is absolutely shite, the racism isn't a bug, it's a feature, the characters are cardboard cut outs (which is an upgrade from paper dolls but not by much), the therapy speak is utterly nauseating, I want to punch Rook regularly, there is so little role playing potential in a supposed role playing game that it's laughable, the plot is honestly mind-bogglingly bad, they bastardized beloved characters so they were barely recognizable facsimiles of themselves, and they shat on the Lore so badly.

Deep breath. When we talk about media, we need to consider things like genre (dragon age is supposed to be dark fantasy, not cozy the world is disnified perfect sim.) Cozy games are great! I love several. Dragon Age was not and never should've tried to be a cozy therapy sim. We need to consider things like 'what did previous entries in the series look and feel like', and we need to stick to that. Some changes are expected and encouraged because things evolve, people leave, and new blood is brought in. Technology improves. What we can't do if we want to retain the committed fans is pull a complete 180 and make something that seems like the vast majority of older DA fans hate with a bloody passion.

It's shit. All of it. Veilguard was not, objectively, a good game. No part of it was objectively good (except perhaps Emmrich's romance, which still feels about 80% complete).

And you know what? It's perfectly fine if you like something shitty. Hell, I utterly love b and c rate fantasy cheese movies. I love Van Helsing for example. And I know it's not good. I just don't care.

But I never slog on in posts trying to convince people it was actually objectively good, because objectively it most certainly is not.

Aiya, just accept that you loved a not great thing. Not everything we consume has to be objectively good for us to love it.

Veilguard might’ve been fine as a mid-rate on quality hack n'slash generic fantasy adventure game.

It is not even remotely an objectively good dragon age game. It failed, spectacularly, on every front.

UGH.

People bitch and moan about people who hated it being awful. But at least most of us use the critical tags so you don't have to read it.

Nah, you know who I've seen being awful the most? The positive crowd who loved it. Have the same decency we have and tag your damned posts as Veilguard positive. So the people who didn't like it don't have to read your stuff either.

[rocketbirdie]

thought dump about the mh wilds beta below the cut. I am playing in japanese with english subtitles on PS5; I play solo; I am, to nobody's surprise, maining the lance. Thought and opinions are in no particular order and kind of not fully coherent:

Settings stuff:

Even the largest HUD and text sizes are too small. Not everybody has a huge honkin screen. That being said, the accessibility settings that DO exist, I am very happy with. I was pleasantly surprised to see an option for dark background behind captions, which goes to show just how goddamn low the bar is LMAO

Slightly related: Sunbreak spoiled me rotten by letting me have total control over which HUD elements are on the screen at all.

PLEASE for the love of all that is good in this world, PLEASE LET US GET RID OF THE RADIAL MENU in the full game. I am the #1 radial menu hater of all time and I do NOT want it hijacking my camera movement.

Thank you capcom for letting me use O=confirm in a world where playstation stubbornly adheres to its pretentious little X button <3

General gameplay stuff:

Where are the ridiculous hairstyles. These people all look too Normal. TEETH OPTIONS????

NO MORE GENDER LOCKED BULL SHITT YEEEEHAAAAW

The story and characters are boring as dirt which is par for the course for MH, but man is it a teensy bit embarrassing how hard they're trying to push it.

THE WORLD FEELS SO ALIVE!! I love seeing packs of both small AND large monsters living in their environments. Everything is so detailed and the map is immense, but not so huge that it's completely overwhelming.

Giving the hunter and palicos voice lines is an affront to gog.

Slinger. eeeugh. It's fine I guess, I just would rather not have it at all. I am a cultured hunter who prefers to fling hot dung with my bare hands

Oh Sweet Lord They're Making Me Pick Dialogue Options In A Monster Hunter Game

WHYYYYY with the always online thing? what is the obsession with this from triple-a devs???? "Online single player" should not be a thing, let alone the last option on the list. What happened to just single player. NO I DO NOT WANT TO USE AN SOS FLARE. Hello can anyone hear me

They did confirm that there will be a pause button in the full game. Right? God I hope so

HOOO BOY I hope they do some major adjustments to the Seikret movement in the full release. Even with the discrete analog stick movement setting on, it's so uncooperative at times. HATE how hard the game tries to make automatic movement happen. I want manual control at all times, and auto-running is not the convenience they think it is. Frustrating enough that I found myself avoiding riding the Seikret on some hunts.

I understand wanting to have a seamless open world experience but man... the lack of any strong distinction between hub and quest, and the fact that you don't just automatically return to the hub after the hunt, is really screwing with my head. It feels wrong and not in a "just give it some time you'll get used to it" kind of way.

LANCE:

Lance feels pretty good in this game!! The shield is very reliable even without any relevant armor skills. I love the finishers they added to the end of the classic 3-poke combos. Gives it just the right amount of extra zest without going overboard.

i won't lie though. i miss sunbreak lance's stupid overpowered shield hop -> leaping thrust combo. even if it's probably for the best that it's gone :(

Counterattacking feels off?? Like it's hard to tell when an attack just connected with my shield, there isn't a strong enough punch to it. Is this the "floatiness" that people were complaining about in the last beta test? Because I totally get it.

Also I have never had any trouble in any prior MH game with cancelling out of the dash attack. Why is it suddenly SO difficult to stop dashing. Petty whiny add-on: let me do the shield dash instead pleeeease pretty please

Combat in general feels kind of weird... I think it's because of the emphasis on realism? I'm perfectly fine with sluggishness in my monhun weapons, but this just feels bogged down. Thought I was going crazy until I tried the hunting horn (another main of mine from GU and Sunbreak) and sheathe->normal running was significantly faster than self-improvement's running speed, which is.... yikes............

side note: gypceros is just as obnoxious as he has always been! A+

[uselessmoonlight]

Stranger part 20

Reader is Telemachus' friend, and when he leaves for his "diplomatic mission" he asks her to watch over his mother. Later, once the king has returned, she stumbles upon an injured Poseidon.

Previous / series masterlist / character sheet / next / next TV

Content specs: she/her pronouns used, afab reader, Platonic! Telemachus x reader, Epic!Poseidon x reader, possible OOC!Poseidon, Polites’ daughter! Reader, unrequited love, blood, fighting, nudity, illusion, possibly more?, trying to avoid using y/n, slowburn, suggestive themes.

Peach woke up to the sound of knocking on her door, it was unusual for her to wake after the sun had risen, but as she glanced out the window, she saw it was still rising. That was odd, the knocking wasn’t frantic, so it wasn’t a medical emergency, and it couldn’t be Irene or Telemachus. Neither of them woke up so early, most of the time it was actually a fight to get them up and at it in the morning. Whoever was at her door was not one of her friends.

Silently she got up and grabbed one of her axes before heading to the door. Normally she would’ve cursed herself out for falling asleep in her good clothes, but this time it worked in her favour. She did not want to face a potential threat in her night clothes. She stopped just short of the door, trying to listen for clues. With the way the sun was rising she could not see who it was through the window, so she was left with one option: open the door.

In front of her stood a man, holding a bouquet of pink, red and white roses and chrysanthemums. The chrysanthemums made sense, as they were currently in bloom, but the roses were odd. But then again, a God could probably get whatever flowers they wanted, whenever they wanted.

“I’m sorry, were you still sleeping? I just thought that, you know, usually you rise with the sun, so I thought you’d be up by now.” The God of tides spoke, sounding rather sheepish. If Ónoma had been less tired, she’d laugh at the bashful state of the God, it felt weird to see him act like this.

“And whatever you had to say couldn’t wait? It had to happen the moment I woke up? Helios isn’t even in the sky yet.” She grumbled, voice groggy from sleep. Ónoma didn’t even have the energy to glare at the man, yesterday’s festivities had taken more out of her than she’d expected, especially with her rest being cut short.

“As if you’d still be home after dawn.” He scoffed but gave her a faint smile. “I know you’ve been avoiding me, but I do not accept it. We will speak.” He said, firmly.

“Alright, come in.”

The two sat in silence for what felt like ages. Ónoma’s already lacking patience was wearing thin. He’d pestered her all hours of the noght until she was forced to leave her home. Now that she was finally back home he was there again, at the ass crack of dawn, but now, when she was finally ready to hear him out, he said nothing. “You came here to talk, so talk.” She glared at him again, just to show her disdain.

“Will you put down that damned axe? If I was going to do something, I would’ve done it already. Besides, do you really think a little axe would stop me?”

“You were stabbed 600 times with your own trident, I think my little axe would work perfectly fine.” She deadpanned. Poseidon sucked his teeth at the mortals statement. She wasn’t wrong, but she didn't have to say it out loud. Ónoma chuckled at the man’s annoyance. If he was going to force her to listen, she was going to be as difficult as she could possibly be.

“Look, I didn’t mean to decieve you, alright-”

“But you did.” She interrupted.

“Just let me finish, you-”

“Alright, I’ll let you talk.”

Poseidon inhaled deeply before continuing, he was fed up with her petty behaviour, but it was also exactly what he liked about her. “I was embarrased, alright.” It took a lot out of the God to admit that. “I was bested by a mortal, one weak with hunger and years spent at sea- He should not have been able to do that, even worse is that I was unable to heal myself. I should’ve recovered by the time I reached the shore, but I hadn’t and then you found me.” He sighed and looked at her with an expression she could not decipher.

“You showed me great kindness, you had no reason to, but you did. You were rude, too, you challanged me in ways no woman, no mortal has before and by the time I realized I should have told you the truth, it was too late. I should not have gone to that party and let you find out that way. It was inevitable that I would run into him, but if I’d declined the offer I would have pissed off my brother, and I did not want him to find out about, you know, that.

Maybe I’d hoped that my disguise would fool him just enough, but he just knew. Perhaps that’s why my niece is so fond of him.” He chuckled at that.

“All of that explains it, but it doesn’t change what happened. You took me for a fool, do you know what this could’ve meant for me if anyone else found out? If Odysseus was not as kind as he is? For you it may have been just a kiss, not unlike others you’ve shared, but for me it could have meant ruin. Do you understand that? Because I need you to understand that.” She stressed.

“I would not have allowed that.” He stated.

“How was I to know that? I do not have a good track record with Gods, it was not unreasonable for me to think that. Besides, you have expressed no regret for almost ruining my life, so-”

“Because I don’t regret it, kissing you, I mean. I regret that it could have led to harm, but I do not regret what we share, shared. It was never my intention to hurt you, and I am sorry that I did, but I’m not sorry for loving you.”

Next / Next TV

Taglist:

@apollos-dodgeball-target @barrythestrawberry041 @darling-eos @doodle-with-rhy @glaciuswduo @hardbarbarianfox @h0ne4bee @isla-finke-blog @keikeiluvyou @missam

@suckerforblondies @trashcannotbealive @visha1965

[wooahaeruby]

Chapter 43: Light Behind The Door

TW

Description of panic attack/flash back

Master List | Prev | Next

“You haven’t been sleeping,” Seonghwa stated bluntly, shaking his head. “Sit down on your bed so I can check you out, please.  

“Hey, give me a break, be happy I slept yesterday uninterrupted.” You huffed, sitting down as he asked. “I’m not exactly in the best mental state, alright?” 

Seonghwa sighed, motioning if you could turn your face side to side so he could see how things were healing. “Have you been eating?” 

“As much as I can tolerate. Some days are better than others but I am trying to keep up eating at least once a day.” 

You could tell he didn’t like the answer by his frown but made no comment. “Pain?” 

“There is some pain. If I move weird or lay on my sides too long, my ribs and sides still hurt, but I can tolerate it. The burns on my side itch, especially the one on my chest but you said nothing can really help with that. I feel pretty weak too, but that could also be the mental block.” 

He asked you to unbutton some of your shirt so he could see the healing brand. You had removed the bandages prior to him coming in, knowing there was no use to cover it back up if it needed to be checked out. Leaning your head back, you tried your best to hold back from flinching when Seonghwa leaned in, but still leaned away. Seonghwa hummed, standing straight and turning to dig into his bag. 

“So far, everything is looking alright. I’m not concerned about anything physically. I’d like you to try and eat more, get more sleep as well. I did get that heart monitor, you could be fine at this point, however, please humor me and wear it for two weeks.” He showed you the small device, explaining that it needed leads and wires since the wireless one would need to sit on the sensitive skin around the brand. This made it easier to get around that. 

You weren’t going to like it, but you’d listen and do as you were told to get healthier. He asked you to reapply the bandages to your chest before continuing. Slowly, Seonghwa showed you where to place all the sticky leads, avoiding as much of the healing skin as possible. You hated the feel of the adhesive and the wires ghosting over your chest, skin crawling and the already annoying itch jumping to a new level. 

“Only two weeks and if it’s all clear, you can trash it, got it?” He managed to crack a small smile, seeing you pout and hearing your huff. “It’s going to be alright, Mouse, at some point you might not even feel it.”

“F to doubt.” You scoffed, dropping your gaze. “Can I ask you something?” 

Perking up, he nodded, bringing the rolling chair over and sitting down. “Of course you can, Mouse.” 

“Have you ever pursued therapy?” 

A quiet hum left him, nodding his head in understanding as he gazed aimlessly. “Personally, no, though multiple within ATZ have. Are you considering it?” 

“Last night I was asked by Cheol if I would. Rheia has someone, I said it was a good idea but I have a lot of self doubt that is fucking me up. And also needing to trust someone else with what I’ve gone through… I’m not sure of everything basically.” 

Staying silent for a moment, Seonghwa clasped his hands together in thought, leaving you wondering what was running through his mind. “You are going to be unsure of yourself every single day, there isn’t a doubt in the world about that. However, do you think you’ll regret not speaking with a professional to help? Will you regret not taking a healthy step to overcome this? In my eyes, the pros will always outweigh the cons of it. Yes, you can worry about trusting someone, but they hold more confidentiality then I probably would. If Rheia trusts this person, I doubt there will also be any issue.” 

Swallowing thickly, you understood what he meant perfectly. You would regret not pursuing help for yourself, you’d regret that you could stay a shell of yourself willingly. 

“Can I ask who in ATZ got therapy?” 

“Jongho, Hongjoong, San, and Mingi.” There wasn’t any hesitation in his answer, the strongest all have a low point. “All for similar but different reasons. They got treated nonetheless. They know when they want to go back after something happens. They know that it’s a safe space and it's a healthy space with no judgment. I believe they are stronger for seeking help since they are willing to treat themselves.” 

You unintentionally started to pick at the loose skin around your nails, giving a short, minuscule nod to yourself. “Did…you bring Jongho with you?” You were sure you heard him earlier…

Seonghwa snickered, shoulder shaking. “He has been yapping my ear off, asking to come today since you’ve replied to zero of his texts.” 

“Yeah, it was overwhelming with over a hundred messages between everything. I was lucky I could message one person in the house.”

“I could only imagine.” He shook his head and stood, reaching into his bag once more and retrieving the cream for your brand, bandages, and medical tape. “These should last you until I see you next, but let me know if that changes. Would you like for me to send Jongho in?” 

“If you don’t mind?” 

“Not at all. I’ll message you when I’d like to stop by next.” 

“Thanks, maybe next time I’ll be able to come to you.” 

His lips slipped once more into a gentle smile. “I’d like to see that, Mouse.” 

Seonghwa bid you a farewell, clicking his tongue just beyond the threshold. “You are a pest.” 

“Shut up-” You could hear the pout on Jongho’s face. 

“Go on, we came in the same car so please don’t take forever.”

A thank you left the younger man’s lips before Jongho stepped in, shutting the door behind him. He looked frazzled, needing a few nights rest similar to you, but you said nothing. They would be the pot calling the kettle black. He quickly placed himself down on the chair Seonghwa once occupied. 

“Hi.” He started and you let out a breathy laugh. 

“Hey, sorry for not getting back to you-” 

Jongho shook his head, clicking his tongue. “Don’t even worry about it. Wooyoung talked to Chan and they said you were alright so I wasn’t too worried.” 

“Thank god because opening my phone has been a no go. Too many messages.” You huffed out a sign, shivering at the thought. “Kinda wanted to send a mass fuck off but I decided against it.” 

“I think a lot of us might have raided the house if you did.” Hearing him laugh had a light, calm feeling settling in your chest. “But I'm glad you’ve been taking care of yourself as much as you can. You’ve been through something horrible and I’m proud of you.” 

“I have a long road ahead of-” 

“It is still a road to travel forward, no matter the bumps in it.” 

Your gaze fell, brushing your hair back from your face. “Jongho…Can you tell me why you went to therapy?” 

He paused then sat back, folding his head in his lap. “After I aged out of foster care, I had a lot of anger built up. I can’t even begin to describe it. Once you and I got separated, it just got more and more angry. I met Seonghwa at the clinic after I got into a fight on the street and was banged up pretty bad. I lashed out a bunch at him especially when he introduced me to Hongjoong. Joong suggested it and I’ve been going on and off for a lot of reasons from my childhood to my current work.”

You took in his words wordlessly, nodding along so he knew you were listening. He didn’t look troubled by talking about it either, which was refreshing. You know some people are scared to admit to seeking therapy due to the stigmas of mental health. 

“I’m going to try therapy out.” You admitted to him and the tenderest smile spread on his lips. Sighing through your nose, you scratched the back of your neck awkwardly. “We’ll see how it goes. I’ve never gone before now.” 

“Unless they are shit, they will, well should , work on your pace to build up the confidence and trust to talk. Most have amazing patience. Mine matched my energy greatly back then and evolved how I needed them to.” He snickered, drumming his hands on his thighs before standing. “Tell me how it goes, okay? Let some people help if you can manage.” 

You shook your head but grinned. “I’ll try, Jongho. Tell everyone I said hi and that I’m doing okay so they don’t worry.” 

“Will do, chief. Get some rest.” Jongho gave a wave on his wave out, closing the door behind him.

You got the information from Seungcheol after Seonghwa and Jongho left. Staring at the number, ready to be called, you panicked, frozen on the bed.

Why was it so hard to ask for help? 

Was it your long standing hyper-independence? More than likely. You were used to handling all your issues by yourself. You were used to getting up despite your problems and moving on with your days. 

Now you couldn’t easily do that. 

You closed the phone app and directed yourself to your messages, finding the one group chat you needed at that moment. 

[To Threeway 12:23 PM]  Are you home? 

From beyond the door, you heard something drop and a call of Joshua’s name from Jeonghan. You couldn’t help the smile that fought to spread on your lips. 

[To Threeway 12:24 PM] Very subtle Can you both come here?

“Are we in trouble?” Joshua questioned Jeonghan and the other groaned. 

“If we are, I’m not at fault, I haven’t done anything. I am blaming Cheol if we did something wrong.”

They approached quickly and knocked, waiting to hear permission to enter before the door opened. They stepped in with wide eyes, curious as to why you had summoned them into your safe space. You tucked yourself into the pillows against the headboard, clearing your throat. 

“Can you sit?”

Jeonghan took his desk chair while Joshua pulled an ottoman over. They looked nervous, tired, maybe a little lost. Jeonghan’s nails were picked at and the skin around his nail beds were red and irritated. Joshua’s lips were dry, picked, and had definitely bled at some point. They looked as hollow as you felt. 

“Are you okay? Do you need anything?” Jeonghan fired off questions and you shook your head, leaving him stumped. “Then-” 

“How are you two ?” 

Both of them made a face, like you just asked the dumbest question on the planet. You waited, raising a brow the longer the silence stretched on. They shared a look, unsaid words you couldn’t read. When they both looked back at you, Joshua was the first to break.

“I miss you.” His shoulders dropped. “I’m worried about you. So is everyone else. We are just going through the motions of each day. It hasn’t been easy.” 

Jeonghan picked at his nails and you grabbed a small pillow, tossing it quickly at him. He huffs and sits on his hands like a child, leg bouncing anxiously. He takes longer to speak but his head drops when he does. 

“I can’t sleep. We know we can’t fix this and, god , does it fucking suck. I wish this was a dream we could all wake up from soon-” Jeonghan groaned out of frustration, throwing his head back. A sniffle was heard. “I’ll kill whoever hurt you the minute you feel comfortable enough to tell us, Mouse.” 

The seriousness in his tone wasn’t necessary to know he was speaking the truth. Joshua gave a short nod in agreement, the rest of SVT probably held the same opinion, let alone the entire mafia alliance.

The faces of the Monsta X members flashed behind your eyes and you sunk into the mountain of pillows. Goose bumps spread all over your body, skin stinging with pins and needles. Your eyes went unfocused, breath held in your lungs burned to come out. The back of your throat burned and you were reminded of the gasps for air you took once you were pulled out of the water filled box. Your mind honed in on the pain that subtly radiated through your rips and the skin covering there, the electrical burns you tried to ignore. You bit the inside of your cheeks, holding back from scratching your skin raw. 

You still felt trapped in Limbo, only a new version of it. 

“Mouse?” The call of your name snapped you back to reality. You boyfriends looked concerned, shaky eyes scanning you. “You with us?” 

Nodding, you blinked a few times to clear the fog that settled over your mind. Looking down, you noticed your nails were digging roughly into your palms, leaving harsh credent indents. Unclenching your hands, and your jaw, flattened your palms out on your thighs, sighing. 

“I’m trying to start therapy…for all of this.” You motioned aimlessly at yourself. “But I’m having a hard time calling to set up an appointment.” 

Joshua leaned forward in his seat, elbows resting on his knees. “Do you know why it is hard?” 

“I have a few guesses.” Shrugging, you rolled your head to the side and felt the needed stretch. 

“Would you want to talk to us about them?” He continued, “if you are comfortable.” 

There wasn’t a reason to hide the reasons from them. You know you trusted them despite the proximity issue you had going on currently. 

“Asking for help when you’ve never seen a professional is hard. I’ve always been a keep it to yourself, hold onto it, and move on.” Your leg bounced with jitters. “I never sought out therapy before and now that I am, I’m nervous of what will happen. I have so many ‘what ifs’ running through my head that are also getting the better of me.” 

Jeonghan cleared his throat. “I can’t speak from experience, but…you won’t know what will happen until you call and take that step.” 

How did so many of them know what to say when you needed it even when the comments were simple? They spoke with grace and a wind beneath their wings. You envied the decorum they showed. 

You sucked in a deep breath and held it in your chest for a few seconds, calming the anxious heart beating. Placing a hand over the bandaged brand, you made up your mind and reached for your phone. 

“Will you both stay as I call and make the appointment?” Why the fuck were you nervous asking that? 

“Of course, sweetheart.” Joshua’s sweet, calming voice grounded you.

Jeonghan hummed his similar answer, smiling. “Always here to help, love.” 

It still took you a few moments to make the phone call, staring displeased at the numbers boring back at you. Your significant others were waiting with bated breaths, silence as you built up the mental courage to proceed. When you pushed the call button, they both gave you gazes full of pride but the dial tone spiked your anxiety. 

The woman who answered sounded nice, maybe an older woman. Before she was able to get any information, you informed her that Rheia had given you the number and she hummed into the phone. She asked you some general questions for your name, birthday, and asked if you’d like to be seen as soon as possible. She took a note of you saying you’d like online appointments to start, hearing the clicking on a keyboard on the other side of the line. You would need a computer and a webcam, the doctor deeming it a hundred per cent necessary to know what she was working with. 

By the end of the call, you had an afternoon appointment the next day, a lighter feeling in your chest, and two wide, gorgeous smiles gleaming back at you. 

“You did good, sweetheart.” Joshua beamed, nudging Jeonghan with his elbow. 

Jeonghan looked just as proud, still sitting on his hands to stop his nervous habits. “I’m – We’re proud of you.” 

“That took more energy out of me than I expected.” You slumped, pulling a pillow close to your chest. 

“Join us in the living room?” Jeonghan asked. “We can put on some movie and eat since we were going to make something anyways.” 

You thought through the idea, knowing you leaving the room would be beneficial. You also needed to speak to Wonwoo about using Pandora tomorrow afternoon…

“That sounds amazing…let’s go.”

It was the second time you had fallen asleep in the living room and woke hours later. Similar to the first time, you didn’t dream, only calm, necessary slumber. 

After your previous loveseat nap, you stayed up all night. Once Seungcheol went off to bed fully, you really tired to fall asleep once more in bed but it never came. Though he said he would wash the blankets, your antsy energy had you washing and drying them all, sitting impatiently on the floor of the laundry room. With hours to spare after the laundry, you…did all the dishes and cleared out the dishwasher

You snuck into Pandora again, continuing on with simple games and a movie to occupy you, curled up in your bundle of blankets. At some point, you fell asleep, waking up to a nightmare covered in sweat, and trudged upstairs after cleaning up to sit in Jeonghan’s room. 

Now it seemed about the same. 

The house was peacefully quiet, you definitely missed dinner but a small note was on the side table, only noticed when you sat up. 

Didn’t want to wake you, dinner is in the fridge - JS 

There was a small, attempted doodle of a chicken, if you had to guess, directly under his handwriting. It made you shake your head and smile. Quietly, you found the plate of baked chicken and vegetable medley. How did you honestly sleep through them cooking? Typically they were loud, sound filling the whole house, especially at dinner time. 

“Maybe games…” You whispered to no one, heating up the food in the microwave, watching it spin and spin until it was heated through. “Definitely games…” 

With food in hand and a blanket acquired, you kicked the Gengar bean bag chair towards the door to Pandora. You pushed it down the stairs, landing unceremoniously at the door. You tried to step over it to press your hand to the print pad, keeping the food from spilling, and pushing the door open with some struggle. 

Kicking the bean bag through the door and shutting it behind you, the clearing of someone’s throat had you looking up. 

Wonwoo was sitting comfy in his computer chair, hair a mess, headphones on, and two monster energy drinks beside his keyboard. He pushed his glasses up tiredly, blinking up at you. 

“Hey,” He spoke first, eyeing the bean bag chair. 

“Typically you are asleep at this time.” 

“You know I know you’ve been coming in here, right?” It was an innocent question, there wasn’t any accusation behind his tone. 

You set your lips in a flat line, kicking the bean bag chair lightly to make more talking room. “Kinda figured. I only came down when you weren’t here because- you know…” 

A beat of silence passed before he snorted, holding back his grin. “You want me to leave my space?” 

“What- no- shut up.” You stammered, shaking your head. “It’s fine, just-” 

“Not too close, got it.” 

You paused, stepping away from the bean bag chair. “This is heavy, can you help me?” 

Wonwoo let out a low rumble of a laugh and took his headset off to stand. You moved further away, letting him easily lift your gift from Jun, finally being put to use after a while. He waddled over to the lounge area and placed it in a spot beside the coffee table, pushing said table over to make more room. 

His eyes shifted to you, wordlessly inquiring if it was good enough.  With your nod, he returned to his previous spot at his desk and you moved to settle down with your food and blanket. You ate quietly, listening to each clack of him pressing keys on his keyboard in the tranquil space. 

“Do you want to play a game?” You asked, both of you knowing the meaning behind your outwardly innocent question. There was always a conversion to follow the flow of video game teamwork. You had questions and he would give you honest, non- I’ll kill them answers. 

Lifting your head to look back at him, there was hesitation in his eyes. 

“Are you sure?” 

Those words rested heavy in the air, a moment for you to take back your question if you wished to. There was no knowing where the conversation would devolve into or how you’d react, but you wanted some clarity before your therapy session the coming day. 

“Yeah I am.” 

He sat himself down as far as he could from you on the couch, watching you pull up some two player game and slide a controller across the coffee table to him. Neither of you jumped straight into questions, getting into the rhythm of the game before taking that step. The air around you felt heavy, thick enough to be cut through with a knife. 

“What did Seonghwa say about your condition?”

Wonwoo, thankfully, broke the silence first after that teamwork rhythm was in place, making you let out the breath you were unknowingly holding. 

“He said everything is healing alright but I need a stupid heart monitor until I see him next.” You hadn’t forgotten about the wires that rubbed uncomfortably on your skin, having to fight the urge to rip it off for hours at that point. 

“Everyone has been in a better mood since you came out of your room yesterday.” He chuckled through his nose. “I hope Jihoon’s ultimatum wasn’t too hard.” 

“Really it was the push I needed.” Truthfully you were grateful for the other man’s quick thinking, not…that you would tell him that yet. “I’m still a little iffy but everyone is being respectful which I appreciate.” 

A hum left him. “Do you know why you are feeling like that?” 

“Not exactly, there are some ideas in my head but…I’m planning to figure it out in the first therapy session tomorrow.” 

“Oh.” Out of the corner of your eye, you watched him nod, keeping his focus on the game. 

“And I either need to borrow a computer or come down here for a webcam tomorrow afternoon.” 

“I can set it up down here. Probably more privacy than upstairs.” He winced when his character fell off the edge of the map. “I could lock everyone but you and me from Pandora.” 

“That would be mean, Wonu.” 

“But effective for maximum privacy.” 

“You just like being an introvert that lives in his man cave. If Cheol let you, this would be your room, hermit.” 

Wonwoo rumbled with laughter, letting a pleasant silence settle over the space now that the awkwardness was broken. The quiet clicks from the controllers were familiar, preparing you for the questions bubbling in both your and his minds. 

The silence stretched for nearly an hour before Wonwoo seemed to have enough, pausing the game and setting his controller down. He said nothing at first, only leaning forward to place his elbows on his thighs and face in his hands. He took in a slow deep breath, his leg starting to bounce restlessly. 

“Mouse,” His somber tone had the hair on the back of your neck standing on edge. “I need you to be honest with me and we never have to bring it up again.” 

Don’t- 

“Just shake or nod your head and I’ll understand.” Wonwoo lifted his eyes, adjusting his glasses. His eyebrows were furrowed together tightly, pain behind his eyes. “Did Monsta X do this to you?” 

Hearing the name out loud for the first time since waking up made every muscle in your body tense. You felt the weight of the world pressing down on your chest, pushing all the air out. 

The warmth that once came from the blanket wrapped around you had long gone frigid. You flinched at the sensation of ice cold water drenching every inch of your skin. You heard something – or someone – but the sound was far off in the distance and…muffled, underwater. Something was- There was this loud beeping. 

You couldn’t move. You were back in that horrid metal chair in that damp, moldy room with Kihyun’s sick, sadistic smirk staring back at you. You knew what was going to happen next, that was the part that scared you the most. The anticipation of what was to come was harrowing. You didn’t want to relive the pain. You didn’t want to relive your worst nightmare play by play, knowing how it is always going to end. And you couldn’t stop it .

There wasn’t any fight left, you couldn’t even attempt to fight in this…state, whenever you were. Had you just woken up and everything before waking up in the ATZ wasn’t real? Were you still their prisoner? Was your mind making up lies to help you cope? 

Dread…

Powerless…

Vulnerable…

Ashamed…  

Ashamed you let them get to you so easily. Ashamed you didn’t realize earlier that Monsta X was your stalkers. Ashamed you couldn’t even hear their group name without having a flashback. 

Ashamed. Period…

Something was touching you, something placed on your head. You weren’t able to move away from it, trying to wipe Nightmare’s and Joker’s faces from your vision. 

The piercing sound of piano keys met your ears. It was played loudly, louder than the scenes flashing through your mind. Your vision started to blur. The sound was soft, a slow rhythm that had your heart beating slower in time with the notes. The slow raise of a violin joined along the piano, calm and quaint, a breath of air rushing into your lungs. A low beat of intermittent percussion fading in wasn’t too bold to remind you of the banging on the metal box, reminding you that you had escaped. The vibration of the cymbal brought some feeling back into your arms, electrifying the reminder you were alive . 

The room slowly transitioned from where you were held captive to the low lit space of Pandora. 

Taking in a shaky gasp of air, your entire body shuddered as you came back to reality. 

You felt the pressure of headphones on your head, the song repeating from the beginning. Wonwoo knelt on the floor in front of you, concern gracing his features. You reached up to wipe your face, met only with tears streaming down your cheeks. Your hands shook with panicked energy, feeling your heart slow to a somewhat normal rate. The other said something but the music was too loud and you felt like a bobble head at how dizzy you were. 

It took you a moment to remove the headset, letting the ringing in your ears play out as you refocused on Wonwoo. 

An apology flimsily spilled from your lips and Wonwoo looked…annoyed, but you didn’t think it was at you. 

“Why are you apologizing?” It was a rhetorical question. “ I’m sorry , do you need anything?” 

“Ju-” Your voice broke and you groaned. “Juice sounds amazing-” 

He was gone before you even finished the request, leaving the door to the basement open in his wake. 

You took a moment to bundle yourself back up into the blanket, breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth. Sniffling to calm your tears, you tried to make yourself small, curling up to seemingly protect yourself. 

“Here.” You didn’t hear him return, flinching some as he placed the small glass of juice down, happy to see the straw in it. “Anything else?” 

“I’m okay, thank you.” You shakily reached for the glass and took a long sip, shivering at how sweet it was. “Just give me a second.” 

Wonwoo sat on the floor in front of you, keeping a watchful eye on you for any issues. You were able to hear the song blasting through the headphone still, letting the ballad’s instrumental continue to ground you. 

“I’m sorry.” Wonwoo repeated, fists balled in his lap. “I didn’t mean-”

“Please don’t tell them yet-” You cut him off, downing the rest of the juice and setting the cup aside. “I don’t think I’ll be able to handle hearing everyone talk about them …nor do I think I’m ready to say it or admit everything yet, I can’t even say it…” 

Wonwoo studied you, his gaze flicking around your person, making you huddle in on yourself more. You heard him sigh and he stood, ruffling his hair in frustration. 

“Fine- Fuck, okay…” He didn’t sound pleased, but he stared down at you. “You promise, when you are ready, you will tell them, right?” 

Nodding, you pulled the blanket up to your chin. “Yeah.”

“Can you…promise you won’t tell them I knew first?” 

If you weren’t so mentally exhausted, you would laugh. “Yeah, promise.” 

“I am, however, going to put some eyes on them if I can.” He held your gaze. “Just so we are clear. No moves, just watching them.” 

“I understand.” You and him stared silently for a beat, only for you to point weakly at the still on TV. “I’m not going to be able to sleep anytime soon…can we continue playing?” 

Disbelief crossed his face but Wonwoo sighed, shaking his head. “Yeah, we can keep playing. I’ll need to sleep eventually though and set up the computer before that.” 

“Okay…I might just stay down here all night though.” You grabbed your controller, watching him take a seat. “Thank you, Wonwoo.” 

“Don’t thank me, I spiraled you into a PTSD episode-”

“No, you fucking idiot, not that. Thank you for getting me out of it, for one thing, and another for understanding.” 

“Oh…you’re welcome.” 

“Now help me kick this boss’s ass.”

Tag List is Open! Comment on the BSH Master List to get added!

Tag List:

@unlikelysublimekryptonite @iiaweirdo @aurorajoye @gaslysainz @sarcasticsagittarius1998 @vanteel @clownprincehoeshi @kpopandbookschild @honeybunchcrunch @black-swan-blog27 @peachie-wonu @kpopsimpsblog @choppedballoondetective @starstrawb @kaitieskidmore97

[rockboywonder]

so mad that this season is going SO HARD and is SO GOOD and yet i can't even enjoy it because it all comes to naught ✋😔

[turtleblogatlast]

I honestly love the clothing styles of each of the turtles in this show and I love how these styles really incorporate their personalities as well.

Like, obviously Donnie has the best sense of style, yeah? Think that’s something pretty agreed upon here. Everything we see him put together is very meticulously crafted and clean. That goes with his personality because Donnie is a very meticulous person in general, and he knows what he likes very, very well, and knows how to flaunt it in turn. Him commenting on colors he enjoys or disapproving of outfits that the others see no problem with also shows how he just generally has an eye for this kind of thing. He doesn’t just know what looks good on himself, but also what looks good on others - and I think this ties into his love of gift giving too. Donnie also has a flair for making sure that his things have his “mark” on them, and his clothing is no exception. All that he wears and how he wears them screams “Donnie.”

Mikey is really fun because his styles are honestly a pendulum between super simplistic and incredibly out there. And often, you’re going to see a lot of color or patterns to both. And in my opinion I think that all reflects really well on Mikey’s character - he’s got a colorful personality but even more than that he’s incredible sure of who he himself is. Mikey’s style, I feel, is less what looks good as clothes and more what sparks joy in Mikey himself. His bright stickers he wears are a testament of that! He’s comfortable in his own skin and his style reflects this perfectly, whether he goes for a more out-there look or a more toned down one.

Now, for Leo. Okay, I think I’m actually in the minority here I feel because Leo’s style isn’t really that bad? Hear me out- if you actually look at what he wears, try taking out, like, one accessory. Suddenly, that outfit works! He even manages to put together many good outfits in the series, but his “bad” ones are the ones that tend to stand out, alas (just like how his mistakes tend to be big ones oop-) Basically, my personal look at him is not that he’s inept at styling at all, but that he has a “too much” gene. And like everyone else, this sense of style is completely like him, too. Going too far to impress when all he needed to do was slow it down some to think things through. (And funnily enough, a lot of his outfits take random aspects from his brothers too - “nothing without them” huh?)

For Raph, I feel bad for him since pretty much all of his clothes are inevitably going to be ripped, but he makes them work pretty much each time. Like Leo, Raph tends to go more sporty with his looks, but I also noticed that his stuff often goes in that in between of comfy, cool, and cute. His pajama suit in particular comes to mind in terms of “cute” as it’s more something you’d see younger children in rather than older kids, and I think it can be a subtle nod to the fact that for all Raph tries to seem older, he’s still just a kid too.

I could probably go on, but these are just all off the top of my head - I love how the boys’ personality’s come out in so many different ways.

[sysig]

For Requestober, Req.1

Scri dressed as an angel, Edgar dressed as a demon. It would be fun to see the roles swaped regarding costumes!

Day 3 - Angel and Devil('s Advocate)

[ajdrawshq]

i can almost guarantee ive said it before but. he would thrive in a zero escape game

[orcelito]

Survived today fine. Just chilling now.

Ordered a new bridge for my violin. Current one is kinda bent (from age, I think) and I think it's affecting my sound quality. It's supposed to come in on Saturday, along with some mutes (both for performing and also for practicing. First for making it quiet while playing a song and second to make it quieter in general so you're less disruptive while practicing. I think.) and also some sand paper. Because I'm probably gonna have to sand the legs of the bridge some to adjust it to my violin's shape.

I've never replaced a bridge before. I've put one back *on* after at least one time of accidentally knocking it out one way or another. Kinda really inconvenient. Gotta loosen all the strings, position it, then re-tune the entire thing. So that part is inconvenient, but familiar. But the sanding it into shape....... well, I might look up an instructional video or something. Just in case. It seems like it'd be pretty intuitive, but better to be safe than sorry.

[shabadarada]

Nia my little victorian era child who wouldve been an iPad baby had those been a thing back when she was still a human

[no1ryomafan]

It’s the way I’m in between of “I’m okay if getter gets zero no content this year even though it’s the 50th anniversary because dynapro bot wise it’s grendizer year which has been long overdue, plus getter could be having it worse compared to other mechas” and “please god if your gonna give us even a crumb make it a new spin off manga at least even if I’m probably not gonna read immediately or just a fucking figure that ISN’T shin getter”

[sailforvalinor]

…well, turns out changing to a Jo pfp is fitting in more ways than one.

[starpros-sunshine]

When others enjoy things in an overly emotional and enthusiastic way I find it tacky and rebarbative. When I do the exact same thing though it's different. Then it's appropriate and justified. Obviously.

[thehealingsystem]

nate please please please please I am shaking you by the shoulders right now no one needs to do this please you can make a actual thought provoking interesting thumbnail for the song you don't need to appeal to clickbait algorithms anymore you're still letting yourself be bound to it people loved your early original songs for what they were without this. please stop doing this please stop changing thumbnails I am going to cry

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

Hi, so uh i just found your posts recently and uh i really like your arts and artstyle! Its just look so beautiful and i want to give you an appreciate art to tell you how pretty you and your arts are.

Sorry that my English sound crappy- also since i dont really have Kross sooo uh i hope you dont mind me giving you Killer? ^^" sorry, im really nervous to talk to somebody as you cool as you are heh!

**************

HFRYYAHHRFY!!!! OMG!!!! thank you sO much oh my gosh?? you're so sweet :'Dc <3333