#like op: care to explain why a doctor once told me my problems would go away once i had a husband?

[just-dreaming-marvel]

Love and Medicine ~ 13

MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 3,160ish

Summary: You try to handle what happened with Steve, while Natasha tries to handle her pregnancy.

Warning: serious pregnancy complications

A few days later, you were anxious and needed to get energy out. You dragged Natasha to the park for a run. She was huffing and puffing as you basically ran circles around her.

“You’re stupid,” Natasha panted, trying to keep up. “You're stupid, evil, sadist and I wanna kill you.”

“Endorphins are good. Endorphins are mood elevators,” you replied. “This is supposed to make us feel better.”

Natasha stopped and threw herself on the ground. “Do you feel better?”

“I’m stupid.” You jogged around her.

“Slutty mistress.”

“Pregnant whore.”

“Sleeping with our bosses was a great idea.”

You stopped and sat yourself beside Nat. “You know what’s ruined for me?”

“What?”

“Ferry boats. I used to love ferry boats and Steve's got a thing for ferry boats. Now every time I see a frigging ferry boat—“

“You know what's ruined for me? Coronary artery by-pass grafts ... and aortic aneurysms. I used to love aortic aneurysms.”

You laid next to Natasha with a sigh. “Have you cried yet?”

“What do you think?”

“Do you think we’ll feel better if we cry? You know like just let it out?”

“Probably. Yeah…. Do you wanna cry now?”

“No.”

“Okay.”

~~~

Steve entered the hospital elevator, finding himself alone. Which was relieving. Unfortunately, at the last second, Fury entered wearing a beanie.

“Nice hat,” Steve commented.

“Shut up,” Fury responded.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m going back to work.”

“You’re not cleared for surgery.”

“Leave me alone. I’ve been sitting at home watching Ellen giving away things on TV. Ellen, Steve! You clear me now or I’ll hurt you.”

“If you want me to clear you so soon, maybe you should've thought about that before you gave chief to Stark and invited Satan to Seattle.”

“Satan?”

“Good morning,” Peggy greeted, entering the elevator. “I like the hat, Nick.”

“Satan speaks,” Steve murmured.

“Actually I prefer to be called ruler of all that is evil. But I will answer to Satan.”

“What is she still doing here?”

“I asked her to stay,” Fury answered. “We have a pediatric surgery attending on maternity leave.”

“Actually, I could use you on a consult,” Peggy told Steve. “Will you meet me up there Steve?”

“Ah yeah. Fine,” he responded. Peggy left the elevator. “I’m not clearing you for surgery.”

~~~

Dr. Gamora and her group of interns were all gathered in a patient’s room for rounds. Dr. Banner was also in attendance.

“Mr. Jackson is scheduled for resection non-small cell carcinoma today,” Natasha stated. “He did well overnight, has remained afebrile. He's had a dose of ceftriaxone this morning. He's pre-op labs are unremarkable. His chest x-rays, um, are unchanged from the previous.”

“I own a couple dry-cleaning stores,” Mr. Jackson explained. “Never believed what they said about inhaling the chemicals.”

“We’re going to do everything we can for you, Mr. Jackson,” Banner promised. He turned to Natasha. “Did oncology see him yet?”

“Uh, they’re waiting for the surgical path,” Natasha replied.

“Thank you, Dr. Romanoff.”

“Next patient,” Dr. Gamora said. The group of interns followed Gamora.

“You need to tell Banner,” you whispered to Natasha.

“No,” Natasha responded.

“I just think you should still tell him about the baby because he'd at least have the responsibility of having to pay.”

“No! You know what? He’ll never know. It’s over. Once this pregnancy is taken care of, Banner won’t even be a blip on my radar. He’ll be a smudge.”

“Right,” you scoffed.

You all entered the next patient room to see a young woman.

“Alexa Rickie,” Peter began, “she’s 23 years old. In for a scheduled ETS for treatment of her erythrophobia hyperpyrexia.”

“Erythrophobia?” Val whispered to Clint.

“Blushing,” he answered.

“You have any questions about the procedure?” Gamora asked Alexa.

“Oh. Dr. Ro….” Alexa began, but paused as she started blushing badly. Trying to get it to go away, she fanned her face. “Dr. Rogers explained everything. He was very… huh… helpful. He gave me some…. sorry…”

“Don’t be,” Peter said. “Half the patients that come through here have the hots for Rogers.”

“Dr. Quill,” Gamora scolded.

“What? It’s true.”

You simply rolled your eyes. It’s not like Peter was wrong. It was just so annoying because it was true, all the patients did swoon over Steve. Gamora ordered all of you to exit the room. You followed her and stood in front of her when she stopped.

“Okay, assignments,” Dr. Gamora said, looking at some papers. “Val, the Rogers’ need an intern up in the NICU.”

“The Rogers’?” Val repeated. “Like, the both of them? Together? And me by myself with the two married people who hate each other?”

“Go.” Val sighed and walked off. “Natasha you’re on the thoracotomy.”

“With Banner?” Natasha wondered. “Oh, can I have the hateful married couple instead?”

“Okay, I’m sorry, I thought that I was your resident and not your hostess. I assign, you take. Is there a problem with that?”

“No.”

“Is there some reason why it's inconvenient for you to spend the day in the OR, learning from Dr. Banner?”

“No. I'm very happy to be working with Dr. Banner. Thank you very much.” Natasha rushed off.

“Clint and Scott, the pit.” They nodded and left. “Peter, Alexa Rickie is your patient.”

“Yes,” he said quietly before leaving.

“Y/N, you will be doing scut.”

“Excuse me?”

“I can tell you’re still distracted from the Rogers’ drama, and you need to find some focus.”

“I’m plenty focused.”

“Prove that to me today.”

~~~

Val stood by Peggy in the NICU as Steve went over a baby’s chart.

“Where’s the mother?” Steve asked.

“Gone,” Peggy answered. “She stuck around long enough to get the kid strung out and then took off. Sound familiar?”

“Peggy!”

“Steve, I know it’s a long shot. I know that.”

“You told me you had a newborn with an invasive mash. You fail to mention that she's premature, underweight and addicted to narcotics. There's no way that this baby is going to survive spinal surgery.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Even if she does, she's a mess. She'll just get meningitis seizures. She's going to live a short painful life.”

“You don’t know that.”

“It’s my job to know that.”

“You’re not God, Steve.”

“Excuse me?”

“I'm sorry honey but you're not. You don't get to decide—“

“Wait, did you just call me honey? Don’t call me honey!”

Val tried to focus on the baby as the conversation grew more uncomfortable.

“Fine,” Peggy conceded. “You’re not God, Dr. Rogers. Look if a patient has any chance at survival, which I think she does, then you have a responsibility—“

“Don’t talk to me about responsibility,” Steve retorted.

“You took an oath Steve!”

“Oh, don’t you dare talk to me about oaths!”

“Steve, I messed up. People mess up.”

“You slept with my best friend in my favorite sheets.”

“The flannel sheets? You hate the flannel sheets.”

“No, I love the sheets.”

“You like the Italian sheets with the paisleys—“

“Would you just stop talking about the sheets?”

“Fine!”

“Look I’m sorry. I’m just gonna go,” Val interrupted. “I’ll go check on the labs.” She couldn’t leave the room fast enough.

“Peggy, don’t do this,” Steve said.

“Steve… look she’s a fighter,” Peggy watched the baby girl. “Look how far she’s come already.”

“Don’t get attached. Don’t get involved. Just… don’t make her life more painful than it already is.”

“Steve, please. She has nobody. She needs someone to fight for her.”

“She’s too far gone. You have to let her go. Let her go in peace.” Steve started to head out.

“Fine Steve, walk away. It’s what you do best.”

~~~

“How are you holding up today?” Tony asked, cup of coffee in hand as he walked beside you.

“Fine,” you responded.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“I heard Gamora has you on scut today.”

You scoffed. “It’s ridiculous. She’s questioning if I’m focused.”

“She’s just making sure you’re alright. It’s her way of showing she cares.”

“Stupid way. Can you just put me on one of your cases for the day? I desperately need it.”

“Fine. Come on, I have a surgery in 30 minutes. You can scrub in.”

~~~

Natasha rushed into Dr. Banner’s surgery that had already began. She wasn’t feeling well and had spent a majority of the day in the bathroom. A nurse quickly handed her a gown.

“Here, Dr. Romanoff,” the nurse said.

“You’re late,” Bruce commented, focused on the surgery.

“I apologize,” Natasha responded, merging into the group of others that were watching.

“Just starting to dissect around Mr. Jackson’s tumor… I’ve almost got visualization.”

Natasha let out a shaky breath, as her head pounded. She had no idea what was going on, but she wasn’t willing to sit out on this surgery. She was already mad at herself for being late.

~~~

Val walked into the NICU with the baby’s chart. Peggy was watching over the baby who was gripping onto her finger.

“She’s got a good grip,” Val commented.

“Yeah,” Peggy agreed.

“I don’t think…” Val sighed, handing the chart over to Peggy. “It doesn’t look good.”

“She's a got a resistant strain of pneumococcus. The antibiotics aren't working. You may want to get yourself reassigned Val. I don't think we'll be operating today.”

“So do you think Dr. Rogers was right?”

“She’s just too far gone… she does have a good grip… I hate admitting that he’s right. Especially right now.”

~~~

Natasha was getting more exhausted with each passing second, and sweaty.

“The tumor has infiltrated the pericardium,” Bruce stated. Looking up, he sees Natasha looking like she’s day dreaming. “Romanoff! Romanoff!”

“What… sorry?” Natasha answered, the world around her muffled.

“Is my surgery interrupting your daydreaming?”

“No. Sorry.”

“There is an arrhythmia when I press down on the tumor. That is a sign of what, Romanoff?”

“Umm…. Ah. It’s a sign of, it’s a… it’s a sign that the uh, tumor has infiltrated the pericardium.”

“Possibilities?”

“In all… I’m sorry. I…”

“Do your homework, Romanoff. It could be causing a tear in the aortic muscle of the heart.”

“So he’s got a broken heart,” another doctor commented.

Panting, Natasha swayed before collapsing on the floor. A few of the doctors let out exclamations of surprise. From the gallery, Gamora, Scott, and Val saw everything. They quickly headed down to the OR.

“Dr. Romanoff, are you okay?” A doctor asked, kneeling beside her.

“Natasha,” Bruce called. “Natasha. Somebody help her!” He stopped surgery, but hadn’t moved from his spot. “Natasha! Don’t just stand there, dammit. Somebody help her. Get a gurney in here!”

Gamora, Val, and Scott rushed in with a gunnery and supplies.

“Natasha,” Bruce called again.

“Natasha,” Val repeated, getting down beside her friend.

“We’ve got it Dr. Banner,” Gamora said. “We’ve got it.” She put a breathing mask on Natasha’s face.

“Okay, talk to me. Tell me what we do we know,” Bruce ordered. “What do we know? Talk to me Valkyrie.”

“I don’t know,” Val responded.

“Come on people let’s move.”

“Natasha!” Gamora called. “What hurts?” Nat didn’t respond, but was conscious. “Let’s get her out of here. There’s a patient on the table. Lift.” They lifted Natasha onto the gurney and started moving her from the OR. “Good, good.”

“Dr. Gamora, when you get her stabilized, I need a report please.”

“Right, Dr. Banner!” They quickly move Natasha out and down the hall. “Uh! Her pulse is racing. I need her on a monitor to get a BP. Also I want her started on a liter of LR wide open. Val run ahead to emergency and let them know we're on our way.”

Val noticed that Natasha was trying to talk. She removed her friends mask. “What?” Val questioned.

“Seven weeks,” Natasha said, breathless. “I’m pregnant, Val. I’m pregnant.”

Val, Scott, and Gamora stopped and looked out each other. They moved the gurney into an elevator.

“Okay, no. We’re going to pre-op instead,” Gamora instructed. “Val, find Peggy Rogers. And be discreet.”

Val nodded and hurried off. She found Peggy with Fury and Clint near one of the nurses stations.

“Excuse me, Dr. Rogers. We need you fast,” Val said. “Um.. it’s Natasha, one of our interns. She’s…. she’s collapsed.”

“Natasha’s collapsed?” Clint repeated.

“Why do you need me?” Peggy asked.

Val sighed, not saying anything. Comprehension dawned on both Peggy and Fury, realizing that she must be pregnant. Clint looked at them, getting it too.”

“Natasha’s pregnant?!” Clint exclaimed.

“Shut up Clint,” Val scolded, before turning to Peggy. “Please come.”

“Of course,” Peggy agreed, following Val.

~~~

“Thank you for that, Tony,” you said, scrubbing out of surgery beside the attending. “I really needed it.”

“Of course,” he responded.

“Y/N,” Clint said, bursting into the scrub room.

“Clint?” You questioned. You studied him, realizing that there was something wrong. “What is it?”

“It’s Natasha.”

~~~

In pre-op, Peggy was performing an ultrasound on Natasha. Dr. Gamora was standing behind Nat’s bed, stroking her hair.

“Have you notified the father?” Peggy asked.

Natasha didn’t answer, simply breathing funny.

“Natasha? Natasha?” Gamora called. “Natasha? Is there anyone we can call?” Natasha just continued to gasp slightly. “Oh we’re losing her.”

“Do you see that?” Peggy asked, pointing at the screen displaying Natasha’s uterus. “It’s an extra uterine pregnancy in the tube there. She’s bleeding out. We need to get her to surgery immediately.”

They rushed Natasha to surgery and immediately got started. Gamora was still behind Natasha, watching over her, asVal observed the surgery.

“She’s gonna be okay, right?” Val worried.

“How attached was she to this pregnancy?” Peggy asked.

“I don’t know. She’s a pretty private person.”

“She's lost a lot of blood but I've got it from here. Dr. Gamora you must have a surgery or two of your own today.”

“I’m fine right here,” Gamora responded, keeping her eyes on Natasha.

~~~

You were rushing through the hall, trying to find out any information on Natasha and her condition. You were so incredibly worried about her, which didn’t help your already bubbling emotions. Rounding a corner, you rammed right into a chest. Hands grabbed your arms to steady you. You looked up to see Steve, looking down at you with concern. Just looking into his eyes, made you want to break down in his arms. Which was so extremely frustrating. You pushed back out of his grasp, causing Steve to hold up his arms in defense.

“Don’t!” You said sharply.

“Sorry,” Steve said.

“Don’t be sorry. I’m so tired of it, Of you being sorry.”

“Dr.—“

“Don’t do it!”

“Dr. L/N—“ He glanced around as you began causing a scene.

“Dr. L/N, seriously? Are you concerned about people finding out about us? Is that what matters to you?”

“Y/N, it’s okay.”

“It’s not okay! You have a wife who’s not easy to hate. Who’s annoyingly kind and painfully smart and I pretty sure that she’s current saving my best friend’s life.”

“Y/N, just—“

“Don’t! Stop talking to me like you’re my boyfriend! Stop talking to me at all.”

You rushed away, finding the OR that Natasha was being operated in. You opened the door. But before you could get fully into the room, Gamora saw you and came up to you.

“Need something?” Gamora questioned.

“I’m coming in,” you stated.

“No, you’re not.”

“I am. I’m her friend.”

“Exactly. She's lying on the operating table, naked, exposed. She's sedated but she's probably scared out of her mind. Now right now she's not a doctor. She's not your friend. She's a patient and she deserves to have all the privacy I can give her. You're not going any further.”

“We went jogging this morning,” you sighed. “I made her go jogging. Did I… is there a way that it could of….”

“No.” Gamora shook her head. “It started out this way. Nothing caused it to happen.”

“Just, please, let me stay by her side.”

“You can try. But I’d have to take you down.”

“Right now. Just in this moment. I hate you.”

“Yeah, well, I can take it. Focus on scut and wait outside.”

~~~

You found yourself working on scut in the lobby, trying to keep your mind off your friend in surgery. Steve stood far off, watching you. He couldn’t stop feeling terrible for what he had done to you, and he couldn’t stop loving you. Knowing that you wouldn’t want to be comforted by him, he found himself in the NICU, checking up on the premie baby Peggy had asked him to help on.

“Look at that, BP is stabilizing,” Peggy noted as she entered the NICU.

“She’s stronger since this morning,” Steve said, rocking slightly in the rocking chair next to the baby. “There’s no reason in the world why she should be stronger since this morning.”

“She’s really beautiful, isn’t she?”

“I’ll tell you what. If she makes it through the night, if she has a little bit more strength, I’ll operate.” They gave each other small smiles.

“You know the way I see it we could deal with us in one of three ways. Option 1. I could apologize. You could forgive me and come home and we could move on with our lives like adults. Or, option 2. I could apologize. You could forgive me, come home but, you can still bring it up to use against me whenever we argue.”

“Are you trying to be funny?”

“Satan has a sense of humor.”

“What’s the third?”

“I don’t know what the third option is.” She leaned in and kissed Steve, who kissed back. Slowly, she pulled away. “I just know that I still love you.”

~~~

Waking up, Natasha glanced around the hospital room. Her eyes stopped roaming when she noticed Gamora sitting in a chair beside her.

“What happened?” Natasha asked.

“You had an extra uterine pregnancy. Your left fallopian tube burst,” Gamora explained. “Dr. Rogers… she did everything she could but there was too much damage. She couldn't save the tube.”

Natasha didn’t respond, she simply looked away and closed her eyes.

~~~

You were sitting outside the medical center on a bench. It had been an emotional day and you were finally allowing yourself to cry. Walking out of the hospital to leave, Steve noticed you. But hadn’t noticed that you were crying yet.

“Y/N?” Steve called softly.

“Oh,” you gasped, trying to wipe the tears quickly.

“Y/N.” Steve came around to the side.

“Don’t…” You swallowed. “Please, please just don’t’ say anything.”

“Okay.”

He stood there, watching you try to pull yourself together before you quickly got up. You walked over, stopping in front of him.

“I’m just exhausted,” you sighed. “Missing my parents is exhausting. What happened to Natasha and you is… hating you is the most exhausting.” Without much thinking, you grabbed his face and briefly kissed Steve. “I don’t want to do it anymore.”

You headed back into the hospital, leaving Steve stunned.

next chapter >

Sorry that it has taken so long for this chapter to come out! Hopefully it’s not too terrible. Please forgive me.

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[rochiomaru]

My Brother's Keeper

Things have been going well for the Family at Spider Miles. I continue to make plans to invade underground trades deeper within the Grand Line, the money is pouring in, and I have learned that Dressrosa has become ripe for the Donquixote lineage to return where we belong. I smile whenever I think of this land, as it is mine by right of my birth. 

Those fools at Mariejois thought to take my royalty from me when they cast me from heaven, but my family ruled that land long before the Celestial Dragons became what they are now. Taking back this nation will be the first piece in shoving my bloodline down their fat, self-righteous throats!  Finally, I shall be acknowledged as the king that I was born to be and can stop living in this trash heap. I can begin to provide more for my family and to give them all they deserve! 

A part of me thinks that everything is lies, but I ignore these troubling thoughts. My family loves me and have been here for me since I was ten years old. My brother has come back to me and stands at my right hand. How can it be anything other than perfect? 

It is what I have always dreamed of. And now with Law here, my little family somehow feels complete. Not that I would love the other children less. That is why I gave them devil fruits to make them stronger, just as Trebol did for me. It’s what you do for those you care for. You give them ways to protect themselves and those they love, as well as the power to take revenge on those who hurt them. To make them invincible to the world!

There’s a small feeling of uneasiness in the back of my mind as I think of Trebol. The voices like to mock me, saying that he is using me. However, I know he loves and worships me. Without him, I would have died years ago… Right? I shake my head to clear the unwelcome feeling and refocus my attention on Law. 

I haven’t really seen him around since the other night at dinner. I can feel the frown deepen on my face as I remember the cruel way some of the others treated the boy. I have been gathering devil fruits and either using them, or selling them for a while now, but there is one that I have been unable to reach that would be of great use, I think. 

The Ope Ope no Mi. The power of this fruit would undoubtedly save his life and would allow him to heal others. He was already training to be a doctor with his biological family. Maybe he will allow me to adopt him into my family and continue his education. Once I find that fruit, Law will be unstoppable. He will be my successor. My own son. The smile on my face practically hurts, but I do not remember having been this happy before. Not even before my family broke when we left heaven.

I call for Machvise and Giolla to go and find him for me before going into my room to read. I take off my glasses and drink some wine to try and relax after a long day. I do not even notice the world beginning to fade away when suddenly I am there again. 

I can feel my body struggle against the villagers, but the flames are hot against my skin! The ropes are again digging into my flesh and the blood is pounding in my ears. The pain is so much! Please make it stop! I can sense the arrow loosed towards my brother when the power wrenches from my stomach.

The next thing I know, I am again in my room, covered in sweat, and I can’t breathe. I lean forward, gasping for air, but the tightness in my chest will not relax. I reach for my sunglasses, and though they bring me some relief, the bottle of wine next to them is a welcome sight. I grab the bottle and begin to drink without even bothering to use my glass. Anything to drown the memories and thoughts that come from these nightmares. I don’t even care how I must look right now. For a moment I wonder what it was that brought this on after so many months of being free from this problem.

However, as the world comes back into focus, my attention is taken from my musing and I notice what must have woken me. The transponder snail keeps his incessant ringing until I pick up the receiver. Ah. It seems they have found Law. I throw down the bottle and the sound of breaking glass barely even registers. I will have Baby 5 come clean it up later, as I have far more important things to attend to now.

Once I make my way into one of our common areas, I see that Rosinante is already there. He looks at me and appears to get up to leave. I shake my head at him and smile. “Please stay, brother. I would like you here for this.” 

He nods and pulls out a cigarette. I reach over to light it for him to ensure he does not set himself on fire again. As I watch him take a drag, I smile softly. He is truly my light and the one to save me from myself. We are the same and I know that he will take my pain and save me from these demons that constantly scream in my head. I was so lost before he returned to me. I wonder if he felt lost too?

I am about to tell him my plans for Law, as I want him to understand how important it will be for me to have a son to carry on the Donquixote legacy. I know my brother doesn’t like children, but if he would just give Law a chance, I know he would see the same thing I do! He would see the same piece in him that is in us. The same pain, the same potential, the same power…

I go to say something to my brother when there is movement at the door and my family has returned with Law carried between them. He looks angry, but that is nothing new. I smile at the boy and watch as they tossed him to the ground. I glared at the two of them and let a piece of my haki catch their attention. Apparently, they did not understand my intentions the other night at dinner. Well, at least after this moment, Law’s place here will be undeniably clear.

“Law, I called you in for just one thing. I’ve decided to welcome you to the Donquixote family officially.” I sat back and genuinely enjoyed watching Law’s mouth drop open in shock. I’m not sure why he thought he had been summoned before me, but I know he did not expect this. I was expecting some push back from my family, but fortunately they seemed to be happy for the boy and are congratulating him.

I feel like I should explain myself to him. He is, after all, going to be my son in all but blood. “Because you went through such a horrible experience, you got that incomparable hateful look in your eyes.” I look into his eyes. “You have the quality.”

Giolla puts her hand on his head and begins fawning over the boy while going on about my “vision”, but he seems to reject her assessment, bringing up his illness. The voices are clamoring within my mind, but I don’t care because this is such a happy day for me! I’m going to have a son and I will raise and protect him. I will give him a place in ten years as my legacy to the world, so how would I ever let him die?

I begin to laugh and tell him it depends on his luck, though I know it has nothing to do at all with luck. He was destined to become the son of a god. I have the blood of celestial dragons in me, whether the fools at Mariejois were willing to let me and my brother back into heaven or not. The voices and that power are swelling inside my core and I am beginning to become overwhelmed in it all.

I told Law about the devil fruits and that there are types that could heal him, though I did not mention the exact one I have in mind for him. That will come for later. I also told him that in ten years I want him for my second in command. I know that the boy is still skittish and very prideful. I want him to build bonds with me and the other family members before I push him too fast. I’ve already given him a lot of information, so I will see if he will grasp the opportunity presented to him.

At that moment Rosinante begins to cough and my attention is taken away from Law. As I look towards my brother, I suddenly feel like all the air has been sucked from my lungs and the smile is wiped from my face. I force myself to stay calm as I see blood covering Rosi’s side. 

For the slightest of moments, even the voices have gone completely silent and everything is numb inside at the sight of his shirt soaked in dark red liquid, though he appears to be trying to hide the spot beneath his hand. In the back of my mind, the only thought I can form is that the villagers got my brother with their arrows. My brother is going to die!

At that thought, a hurricane unleashes inside me and the demons begin to howl and rage! Who would dare to harm my precious baby brother? Do they not realize that he is descended from gods? I fight back the swarming madness and keep my face calm, but my fists clench from the efforts and my frown deepens. When I ask Rosi what happened, I am surprised to hear how controlled my voice sounds.

He writes a note to say that an enemy has done this to him, but it does nothing to quell the tempest that is beginning to storm within me. I can feel the violence within me increasing as I picture the vengeance I plan on taking on whoever did this to my brother. I will make an example of them that the whole world will know to not fuck with my family! 

I ask if he took care of them, just to try and get more information from him. I don’t understand why he didn’t say anything to me in the first place. Perhaps when he sees how I rip this enemy to shreds with my strings, and pull the flesh from their bones slowly while they bleed out and scream for hours, he will then understand how much I love him? I would do anything to keep him safe and punish anyone that would dare harm him! He can trust me to save him, just as he’s saving me. We are family, and that's what you do!

He answers me by writing that he finished the enemy off. The pressure on my heart relaxes and I calm the thoughts that torment me, but the wound still bothers me. I can’t lose my brother. “That’s good. Get it treated, okay?” is all I trust myself to say at that moment.

I reach over to pat Rosi on the shoulder and look once more at Law. He looks like he’s in shock, perhaps at my offer to raise him to be my heir? This makes my heart swell with pride, but I can’t deal with my brother’s pain at this moment and don’t dwell on it long. I can feel myself begin to slip into the darkness again and need to go out for some air. I ask Giolla to get medical attention for my brother as I pass her on my way out, and she responds she will get someone right away. I thank her and move on quickly past the others.

As I move to one of my favorite spots to sit on the rails outside of the buildings, I watch the waves crash against the garbage on the shores and try to breathe. I know that my brother can take care of himself, but when I look at him, I see my moth… I see her and I just want to protect him with everything I have. I lost him once and will not lose him again!

The voices began to scream again that he was lying to me and wanted me dead, but I pushed them aside and continued to watch the waves. I know my brother loves me. He is my heart and my salvation. One day, I know we are going to rule the world together.

[thethistlegirl]

Whumptober Day 26 (Migraine)

Here’s a little migraine Jack (this is set in the Wunderkind universe, sometime after 311, which is only important to know because of the detail that Mac was kidnapped by Murdoc between seasons 2 and 3) 

Jack rubs his eyes and grimaces at the fluorescent light in Phoenix's office space. He just wants to be done with these reports and go home. He's headed for a full-on migraine if he's not mistaken. He's seen Mac have enough of them. Unlike the kid, he doesn't have them bad enough to have a consistent supply of medication for them. The last time he had one that truly escalated was...back when Mac...when Murdoc had Mac.

He thinks the recent head trauma has something to do with it. The whole mess with Griggs was rough. Mac got the short end of the stick, as usual, but Jack didn't exactly get a carrot. 

He rubs his eyes, staring at the font on the computer screen, then reaching for the glasses in his pocket. Before remembering he took them out before the op so they wouldn't get busted, put them in his locker, and didn't put them back in the jacket. 

Okay, so maybe the real reason was that he didn't want anyone else to know he's wearing them. He's not really sure why he hasn't already. It's on his medical file. Matty knows, and she hasn't told the others, or pulled him off field ops. It's just readers. 

He's really got to just tell everyone he's wearing glasses now and start carrying them around with him. Maybe then he wouldn't be on a fast track to migraine town. 

"Hey." Mac's voice startles him, and Jack jumps slightly, rubbing his temples again with a frown.

"Easy on the enthusiasm there, hoss." Jack blinks again, feeling his left eye twitching. 

"Headache?" Mac asks, immediately lowering his voice. 

Jack nods slightly.

"Then let's go home. Matty can't fault you for taking a break. She sends me home when I get migraines."

"You have a note on your file for that, dude." Jack says, then grimaces. "I do not.”

Mac pulls out his phone. Probably texting Matty. "Okay, we can go now."

"Did you just tell Matty YOU had a headache?" 

"I do. You being in pain and grumpy is going to give me a headache," Mac chuckles. 

"Hey, I'm not grumpy." Jack argues, but he saves the document, powers down the computer, and stands up, catching himself with a hand on his desk when the room sways a little. That was too fast. 

"Hey, take it easy. I don't think Jill will be too happy if you puke all over her office space." Mac shakes his head. "I'll drive." Mac dangles the keys and then quickly palms them before they jingle too much. 

The ride home is...more or less a blur. Jack leans his head on the window glass, lets the air conditioning blow directly into his face, and tries not to throw up in Mac's truck. Granted, the Toyota would probably not be made all that much worse by that, but he knows how Mac feels about having his vehicle made fun of, so he keeps his mouth shut on that point. 

Once they're in the house, Mac pulls the blinds in Jack's room and turns back the covers. Jack sits down on the edge of the bed, but his head has turned up to the full pounding of a Metallica base line and taking off his boots sounds like too much effort. 

"Let me." Mac starts fumbling with the laces. Jack tries to insist that he doesn't need Mac doing this for him, but apparently Mac already figured that's what he was thinking. "You take care of me every time my head gives me problems. Let me do this." 

"Okay." Arguing won't help either of them. And the small smile on Mac's face is too precious to wipe away. 

"Do you think you could drink some water?" Mac asks. 

"Yeah." Jack leans back against the pillows as Mac pulls off the second boot and sets it aside. 

"I'll get you some. And some of the meds from the cabinet. And a hot towel." He's getting a little frantic with the speed of his words, and Jack puts a hand over Mac's to calm him down.

"Hey, just breathe. Okay?" Mac nods. Then he jumps up and scurries out the door. Jack leans back on the pillows and tries to relax.

Mac is back in a few minutes, with the pills, a glass of water, and a couple towels steaming. "Lean forward," He says, tucking one of the towels behind Jack's neck and handing him the water and the pills. After Jack's swallowed, he leans back on the towel, and Mac lays another one over his forehead. He sits down on the bed beside Jack and begins rubbing his fingers over Jack's temples, the calloused fingertips warm and soothing. 

"You're a good nurse, kiddo. Feels better already." Jack smiles. "You really know the tricks here."

"James always said headaches weren't real problems. That I was just getting them because I was staying up too late or eating the wrong food. He never gave me anything for them. I learned how to make them better without taking anything. And...I just didn't tell Harry about them. I didn't want to make things harder. And by then...I was scared of doctors. They never told us anything good." He swallows. 

"So you had migraines growing up and never told anyone?" Jack tries not to get upset and ruin the kid's good work, but that's sort of a lost cause. 

"I didn't know that's what they were." Mac shrugs, like that's an excuse. Like the smartest kid Jack knows wouldn't have put two and two together. But James had probably told him calling something a migraine was an excuse. That there was no such thing. Jack wants to strangle the man. "They got better after I graduated." 

He doesn't have to say they got worse after James and Murdoc. Jack's thinking it already. He wishes he could rewind time. Do things differently in that warehouse. But there's no way that can happen. Mac has explained the physics of that about twenty times in various conversations. He really likes wrecking all Jack's favorite movies, like Back to the Future. Jack doesn't know how Bozer survived living in the same house with the living embodiment of the Cinema Sins channel.  

When he's done, Mac starts to stand up, then stops. "Um...this might be weird, but...you always stay with me when I have a headache, do you..."

"Yeah. Go for it." Jack's offering as much for Mac's benefit as his own. The kid's got to feel a little weird watching Jack like this, and probably needs some comfort himself. He crawls into bed beside Jack, and curls up against him, one hand sprawled over Jack's chest.

"It's real nice and quiet in here," Jack says. Much better than that cheap motel room where he holed up with the last migraine, with the freeway right next to it and all the horns and engine noise and a baby crying down the hall. "I can see why vampires like to sleep in coffins. They're kinda dark and soft too. Well, at least the nice ones are." Okay, he really must have fried his brain, because he did not mean to say that out loud. Vampires, really?

Mac chuckles sleepily. "Jack, just how many coffins have you been in?" "Well, there was the one in New Orleans, and then that undercover in Vegas, and then that time with the CIA when my cover got blown and they had to fake my death." He shrugs. "The coffins kept declining in quality. I tell you, Mac, they just don't make 'em like they used to. That one when we had to fake my death for the cover, man, that was some style."

"Ja-ack," Mac says teasingly. He snuggles a little closer, and Jack wraps his arm around him. His head still aches, but he can deal with that. Mac is right here, safe. He's not alone now, and neither is Jack. 

Tagging @catwingsathena @nade2308 @myhusbandsasemni and @flowing-river24

[captainscanadian]

Better | Bucky Barnes x Reader (Part 3)

My Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2

Summary: As Wanda convinced Bucky to leave your bedside for the night, Becca Barnes arrives in Brooklyn to let him know of the findings of her investigation. While Bucky thinks that no harm would come your way during his absence, he would not know how wrong he had been about that. But one thing is clear, Bucky fell in love with you one wintry night in Brooklyn after he learned that you were indeed a much better doctor and a much better human being than he could ever be.

Word Count: 6083

Pairing: Doctor!Bucky x Doctor!Reader, Doctor!Bucky x Platonic!Nurse!Wanda, Nurse!MJ

Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of Abuse & Alcoholism, Surgery, Organ Donation, IV & Needles, Emotional Distress, Physical Pain, Drugs, Hospital Stay, Homelessness, Mentions of Death & Cancer

A/N: It may have taken my about two months to write this part but I do apologize for my lack of inspiration that was caused a major life change (of me moving to the UK). I am so excited to continue this fic because I just love Doctor!Bucky with my whole heart. I would like to thank @dramadreamer14 and @thedarklightwithinus for providing me with some genuine feedback for this fic. They really kept me going! On that note, here’s an extra long chapter to make up for the wait time. I hope you enjoy reading this and feedback is always welcome! :)

Perhaps it was impossible to get Dr. James Barnes to leave the hospital for the night. Hell, he was not even planning on leaving your bedside for more than a few minutes if he had to. But as the sun had finally set and visiting hours were over, Wanda Maximoff had woken up from her post-night shift nap to dial the nurses’ desk at the post-op ward. She had a gut feeling that Bucky would still be there, for she knew that man well enough to know how much he loved you.

Michelle Jones, the trainee nurse who had replaced her at the desk since that morning, answered the phone in an instant. “Good evening, you’ve reached Brooklyn Hospital Post-Op. How may I help you?” She recited in her best customer service voice that seemed way too polite for her own liking.

“Hey MJ, it’s Wanda.” She responded as she rubbed at her eyes, ridding of the last bit of slumber that remained within her eyes before she let out a yawn. “Is he still there?”

“Does it snow in New York in December?” The younger nurse retorted with a chuckle, pulling up the moleskin journal that she had been keeping. After Wanda had instructed her to keep an eye on your hospital room, Michelle had managed to write down every single instance that Bucky had left your bedside. “He took a bathroom break every one or two hours and when Peter- I mean, when Dr. Parker went to check her vitals around 2 pm, Dr. Barnes promised to let him scrub in with him on his next surgery if he brings him lunch. Dr. Parker brought him a sandwich from the cafeteria, and then a vanilla bean latte from the coffee cart across the street at around 4 pm. He had his last bathroom break a few minutes ago but he’s still there.”

“And Y/N?” Wanda asked as she bit her lip, completely unsurprised by the fact that the lover boy was still at your bedside. She made a mental note to give him a stern talking to and make sure that he left the hospital for the night. As much as she adored that he was putting himself out there to care for you; she believed that you needed someone like him in your life too, but she could not help but worry about him just as much.

MJ set aside her moleskin before pulling up your file on the computer. “Well, her PCA log shows that she’s been pumping pain meds every few hours, as she should be doing for the amount of pain that she must be going through on her first day in post-op. Nothing unusual there. She was knocked out when I went to change her IV and drainage tubes and I don’t think she would be waking up for another few hours or so. I had to kick him out of the room for a few minutes but he didn’t mind. He had no problem letting me do my job but he’s still sitting there.” MJ replied with a shrug, turning her head towards the hallway once she heard footsteps approaching her. Noticing that Bucky had stepped out of the room and was walking swiftly towards the desk, she quickly turned away to avoid his eye contact. “Wanda, he’s coming towards the desk right now.”

“MJ, please give him the phone.” The older nurse demanded. “I’m going to talk some sense into his head so if he tries to get out of my lecture by giving you back the phone, don’t you dare let him do that. Visiting hours were over hours ago so if he doesn’t leave after I hang up on him, just let him say goodbye to her and make sure he actually leaves the hospital and doesn’t crash in an on call room. He might even try to go down to the pit and get himself a patient, just so that he doesn’t have to leave the hospital. Don’t you dare let him do any of that! Call security to drag him out if you have to, because I wouldn’t trust him if I were you.”

“Michelle, can I ask you-”

She held her finger up for at him for a moment, listening intently to what Wanda had just told her. “Yes, ma’am...” She turned over to Bucky with a toothy grin. “Phone call for you, Dr. Barnes!”

Bucky gave her a confused look for a moment as she handed him the phone. “Hello?” He said, casually, as he brought his phone up to his ear.

“Bucky, you’ve been sitting there for more than twelve hours!” Wanda yelled at him through the phone, startling him slightly. “Get the fuck out of there! Go home, visiting hours were over ages ago.”

The dark haired doctor gave the other nurse a look of disbelief, shaking his head at her as she pulled out her cell phone to make another call. “Wanda, visiting hours don’t apply to me. I work here.”

“You went over your weekly limit yesterday, you dipshit. You shouldn’t even be back at the hospital until the day after tomorrow.” She reminded him. “What are you even doing there? She’s knocked out on pain meds. Just stop sitting in her room like a fucking creep and get your ass back to your apartment, Barnes. You haven’t been there in days.”

“Don’t talk to me like that.”

“Why? What are you going to do about it? Fire me? If I tell Chief Stark that you’ve been a fucking nuisance around the hospital, I’ll make sure he’s the one firing your dumbass!”

“Wanda...” Bucky let out a groan at her threats, not even sure if she actually meant them. As much as he loved her like a fourth younger sister, he knew that Wanda could be a bitch when she wanted to be. A part of him was hesitant about pissing her off even more. He could not risk it. “I can’t just leave Y/N here like this. She’s all alone. She has no family to watch her and... I’m not doing anyone any harm by being here.”

“Every single doctor, nurse, lab tech and orderly working in that hospital is her damn family, Bucky!” She reminded him with a sigh. “We’re all her family and we’re all keeping an eye on her. You’re being hard on yourself, Bucky. I know you care about her and you want to be there for her right now. But you should also take care of yourself too. You haven’t been home in days. Just go home for the night, sleep in your own bed for once. Take tomorrow off for yourself. She’ll be right where you left her when you come back.”

He let out a sigh as she contemplated her words. “But Wanda, what if something happens to her while I’m gone?”

“Bucky, are you out of your mind? You’re a fucking surgeon, come on, get it together. You know how liver transplants work. She didn’t suffer any complications during surgery. Nothing’s going to happen to her. She’s just going to be in pain for a few days so she’ll be knocked out on drugs until then. She’ll be back to her cheery self by the time you get back to work and Romanoff will discharge her by the end of next week.” She explained, wondering if you had made any arrangements for how you were going to spend the next eight weeks in bed rest. After all, Wanda knew that you lived alone. There was no way you could get through the days of recovery on your own. She made a mental note to ask you about it when she returns to work in the morning. Though knowing you, she was also contemplating on calling a family meeting with everyone else to come up with a solution for that. Asking you about it or offering to help take care of you would not cut it. She knew that you would refuse the help either way. If she had just went ahead and made the arrangements herself though and let Steve deliver the message to you, she knew you wouldn’t say no to the offer. You would never say no to Steve.  

Wanda was right and Bucky knew that. But his heart refused to accept it. He did not want to leave you when you were all alone and in pain. Nevertheless, he gave in, only because he trusted the rest of the hospital staff to keep an eye on you during his absence. “Fine, I’ll go home. I’m sure everyone here would make sure she’s still in one piece by the time I get back.” Boy, if he only knew how wrong he was about that.

“Good. Now, you better not be at the hospital when I get to work in the morning and you better not show up until my eighteen hour shift is over. Are we clear about that, Dr. Barnes?” Wanda asked him with a chuckle.

Bucky laughed softly. “Noted, Maximoff. And before I forget, Y/N told me that she asked you to check on the status of her father. Can you let her know what’s up with him when you see her tomorrow?”

“Okay, I will.” She told him as she bit her lip at the thought of your father. Though she did not know the man personally and was certainly in a place where she should not be judging him, she could not help it. Boy, did she loathe that man for drinking away his health, driving away his own daughter and showing up at this hospital to make you pay for his mistakes. Having lost her own parents when she was eleven years of age and having lost her twin brother at sixteen, she felt empathetic towards the way your parents had been treating you despite your sacrifice. She could not believe how much you cared to ask about the man who could not care any less about you. But she knew that it meant you were a much better person than the people who had raised you. “Now I told MJ to call security. So once you hang up the phone, if you can go and kiss your Sleeping Beauty goodnight and then go straight to your car that would be highly appreciated.”

He turned around to give MJ another look of disbelief before seeing Thor, one of the security guards at the hospital, standing next to her and giving him the same toothy grin as the nurse. “Damn you, Wanda!” Bucky let out another chuckle as he hung up the phone and turned back to MJ. “Take care of her, yeah?”

Michelle gave him a nod. “Don’t worry, Dr. Barnes. She’s one of us. We’re definitely not going to let her pull one on us.” She gave him a reassuring smile.

Bucky gave her a nod before he turned over to look at Thor. “God, I can’t believe you’re-”

“Move it, Dr. Barnes.” The security guard cut him off, motioning him to walk back to your room as he gave him a playful glare. “Wanda’s orders.”

The love struck surgeon laughed softly as he shook his head, turning around and walking back to your hospital room with the beefy blonde male following right behind him. Bucky entered the room while Thor stood by the door, knowing that he should give the doctor some privacy. After all, not even the security guards and the rest of the hospital staff were immune to the gossips around the hospital.

Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that they were all quite fond of you. Despite the fact that you were a surgeon, which had naturally given you a higher rank within the social hierarchy of the hospital, you were known to be extremely polite towards the nurses, orderlies, lab technicians, the catering staff and the cleaning staff alike. Most of the surgeons, your own friends included, possessed a certain arrogance that came with being a surgeon. But you had managed to overcome that arrogance rather quickly, thanks to your very humble beginnings. Even the staff had been concerned about your health following your surgery. But the moment news broke out that ‘Dr. Long Hair, Don’t Care’ had found himself sitting by your bedside for the whole day, it seemed that they were also eager to know if he would finally confess his feelings to you by the time you recovered and returned to work. Their bets had been placed but all they could do was wait and watch.

It seemed as though you were the only one who had been unaware of Bucky’s feelings for you, but you had a reason for that. Your years of longing to be loved by someone had only resulted in multiple rejections, causing you to eventually give up on pursuing any kind of relationship at all. For some reason, you had become accustomed to turning a blind eye to anyone’s romantic advances towards you. Perhaps that was why even Bucky had been hesitant to ask you out over the years. You had told him early on in your friendship of how the only reason you had moved to Brooklyn was because you wanted to train under Steve and build yourself a career. You weren’t looking for love, you had told him, even though that had been a lie. You had just believed that you did not deserve to be loved; you still believed it too, as a matter of fact. And Bucky, even he had started to fear your rejection after that.

But he could not deny that he loved you either way. He loved everything about you, from your determination to be a better surgeon to your generosity when it came to the way you treated your patients. You weren’t a surgical robot; unlike him, you actually had a heart. You had a heart that had been so deprived of love yet had so much love to give to everyone else around you. He had been the first one to notice that about you. And it was at that moment that he had fallen in love with you.

The two of you had only ever gotten a chance to work closely together when Steve had made the decision to go on a six month paternity leave after his daughter’s birth, leaving Bucky in charge of the department in his absence. Perhaps that was the time he had really gotten to know you as a surgeon and a human being, even though the two of you hadn’t gotten along all that well back then.

You had disagreed with him regarding a patient at that time, to which he had responded by taking you off the case. Your inability to see him in a place of authority and your slight confidence that Steve would have understood why you did certain things the way you did, had caused you to lash out at him. Bucky, being irritated by how you had challenged him in that situation and in desperate need of proving his authority, had suspended you from his service for an entire week.  

He had realized a few days later that he had been wrong to punish you; he had Wanda to thank for knocking some sense into his head regarding the way he had exercised his newfound power. But when he had approached you to convince you to return to work, he was slightly surprised to find that your time away from the hospital had been spent providing free medical care at a local homeless shelter in Brooklyn.

“I wasn’t expecting any visitors at this time...” You had told the familiar dark haired man who had entered the make-shift clinic you had set up at the shelter. Despite the issues that you may have had with him, you still had a lot of respect for him. He was a renowned surgeon in his own right, certainly more experienced than you were. A part of you felt guilty for the way you had disrespected him at the hospital, but you had only stood up for yourself and the call that you had made for your patient. You had every right to do that. “And I certainly wasn’t expecting a visit from you.”

“So, this is where you spend all of your free time after... turning down Nat’s invites to go to the bar after a hard day’s work.” Bucky noted as he looked around the dimly lit room that was barely the size of his laundry room. The clinic did not look typical at all, an old single bed pushed against the back wall, a small school desk and folding chair placed in the center of the room and a shelf against the other wall holding various medical supplies that you might need to use. The pasty white paint was starting flake out of the walls despite your attempts to cover them up with multiple anatomy posters. It could not compare to Brooklyn’s most reputable teaching hospital where the two of you worked, but he knew that you were certainly making a difference in the lives of the homeless people you were helping.

“Well, I do think that there’s a lot more value to my time if it’s spent tending to these people rather than screwing up my liver.” You told him with a hint of sarcasm evident in your voice, removing a pair of latex gloves that you had been wearing and tossing them into the trash can. “No offense to Nat though. I’m sure she understands that I had a valid reason to skip out on her usual hangouts.”

He stuffed his hands into his pockets as he stepped over to the shelf of supplies, eying the items that you had purchased and donated to the shelter before turning back around to face you. “Are you paying for all of these?”

You gave him a nod as you lathered some hand sanitizer on your hands, getting up from your chair as it was about time to close up for the night. “Well, these are just the bandages, gauze pads and cotton swabs... I only keep these in here. The ibuprofen and other pain killers, all of the other over the counter drugs, needles and syringes are locked in a storage room near the kitchen. I’m the only one who can go in and grab them. I can’t have anyone coming in here for free drugs, you know?”

Bucky nodded, understandingly, and his lips curled into a small smile at the thought of your generosity and the skill you had in operating such a clinic, the thought and planning that had gone into doing something like this. He was well aware that you had only moved to New York two years ago to begin your fellowship with Steve. But the woman who was running the shelter had informed him just now that you had offered to start up this make-shift clinic within a few months of living in Brooklyn. “And you’re prescribing as well?” He asked, noticing your prescription pad on the desk.

“Mostly antibiotics, to treat minor infections.” You replied with a shrug, reaching under the desk to grab your bag. “I made a deal with the drug store down the street. They’re open twenty-four hours a day. I would write down the prescriptions and one of the volunteers, MJ, she’s a nursing student from Queens who helps me out... she would run down the street and fill them up. The drugstore sends me a receipt and I pay them off, out of pocket.”

His eyes grew wide as he realized what you had been doing. “Out of pocket? How are you able to afford all of this?” He asked, curiously. Surely, as a heart surgeon himself, he knew just about how much money you would be making since you were recently board certified. While you could certainly afford to pay for the entire make-shift clinic at the shelter, he had assumed that you must still have some student loans to pay off. Taking that debt into consideration, he was surprised that you were able to give back so much.

You nodded as you tossed your prescription pad and pen in your bag, pulling off your stethoscope that loosely hung over your shoulders. “Yeah... I mean, it’s not that much. I think I’ve mastered the art of saving up and living on a budget over the years, Dr. Barnes. Most of my tuition during pre-med and med at NYU was paid off by scholarships. I had pretty good grades and the financial need so I pretty much got... a free ride. My rent and food were covered by the money I made working two part-time jobs and a weekend job and there wasn’t any student loan debt to be paid off. I made a pretty decent income working as a resident but after paying my rent, groceries and other necessities, I pretty much saved up. I didn’t even have a car so I didn’t need to pay for insurance or gas. I didn’t even waste my money taking the subway. I rode a bike to and from work... for five years. Everyone I knew judged me for it but I didn’t give a shit. Saving up a lot of money during residency was the only reason I was able to afford living in New York in the first place and... Now, I think I’m in a really good place.” You could not help but smile at that, feeling a sense of pride at how much you had accomplished over the years. “I worked so hard to get where I am, Dr. Barnes. And I did all of this because I wanted to make a difference. So, if I can’t make a difference by cutting into people’s hearts then I might as well make a difference by... doing this, I guess?” You told him with a shrug, sighing as you packed up your bag and grabbed your jacket.

It was at that moment that Bucky had truly regretted how harsh he had treated you, but he did not show it. He remembered that night two years ago, when he had walked in on you crying your eyes out in an on call room. He had remembered how he had told you to aim to be a better doctor than him and Steve could ever be, yet he had now seen in person that you already were a much better doctor and human being than he could ever be.

James Buchannan Barnes had always been a privileged man. His parents were both doctors who ran their own respective practices. He and his three sisters had been raised by a nanny in their mansion in Clinton Hill. By the time he had started first grade, his parents had already deposited a large amount into his college fund. At sixteen years old, he had been given his own Mercedes and at eighteen, he had moved into his own penthouse apartment overlooking the bridge. He had never had to work a part-time job or live on a budget to make ends meet. But he felt extremely guilty for being someone who had had it all and had given back nothing. Yet there you stood before him, someone who seemed to have very less than what he had but still gave more than he could ever.

“I... hate to do this right now, Dr. Y/L/N. I think it’s a very noble thing that you’re doing here and I hate to be the one to drag you away from it.” He admitted as he bit down on his bottom lip, his hands still stuffed in his pockets as he finally gained the courage to look you in the eye. “But the reason why I came down here was... because I wanted to apologize to you for the way I treated you and ask you to come back to work, even though what you’re doing here seems... better. You’re a really good doctor and a really good human being. I could really use someone like you on my service, someone who actually has a heart.”

You let out a chuckle as you shrugged on your jacket and walked up to him. “Well, as much as I love being here... and mind you, I’ve been here every single day since you kicked me out of the OR, I’ve come to realize that the only way I can keep running this clinic is if I can actually fund it.” You admitted, laughing softly. “And I may or may not need to have a day job for that.”

Bucky chuckled softly as he nodded in agreement. “No, really... I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have humiliated you in the OR like that and I shouldn’t have undermined your judgement. Your patient, your call... although the procedure was rather unconventional, I could have cut you some slack. After all, you did train under Steve and I shouldn’t have been so surprised to know that you might have picked up some things from him.”

You laughed at the way he poked fun at his best friend. “Well, Dr. Barnes... I did cross the line and as my newly appointed boss, you had every right to interfere and take disciplinary action.” You admitted as you sighed. “I’m sorry too, I shouldn’t have been so disrespectful towards you, especially in the OR. That was extremely rude of me and I’m really sorry.”

He nodded. “Apology accepted.”

You smiled politely at him as you motioned him to follow you outside of the room, turning off the lights on your way out. “Hey, I never bothered to ask. How did you even find me here?” You asked as you locked up the clinic, turning over to give him a confused look. No one at the hospital was aware of what you did on your spare time, except Dr. Rogers. Yet you could not help but wonder how he had found you.

Bucky looked down at his feet as he walked down the dimly lit hallway of that led to the front desk of the shelter. “Well, my temporary yet newfound power does allow me took look into your employee records.” He admitted as he laughed softly. “I found your home address from your profile and went down to the Indian restaurant that’s located on said address. A waiter told me that you lived on the loft apartment upstairs and that you weren’t home right now. So, I asked him where I could find you.”

You let at a sigh at his explanation. “Did you really go out of your way to... do what? Ask me to come back to work?” You were slightly surprised by the fact that anyone would even care that you were not home. Hell, you were even surprised that Dr. Barnes had even showed up to your little clinic to apologize to you after what had happened. You had taken him for a rather arrogant man, compared to Steve. This was partially true though, even he wouldn’t deny that. Yet his attempts to give you a personal apology did seem endearing to you. He intrigued you.

He nodded as he looked over at you. “Yeah...” He looked over at the woman who was sitting at the front desk and waved her goodbye.

“Goodnight, Dolores.” You told her as you walked out the front door, Bucky following right behind you. “You’re not going to ask me why I live above a restaurant, are you, Dr. Barnes?” You asked him, curiously, wondering if he was judging your choice in a home. While you could certainly afford a nicer apartment with your new salary, you had chosen to live there for the sake of convenience. The old Indian couple who owned the restaurant were kind enough to allow you to eat in the restaurant whenever you wanted, knowing very well that your unpredictable work hours did not allow you to even cook a meal for yourself. When you weren’t working at the hospital or running the clinic at the shelter and you happened to miss the good old days of waitressing, you would lend them a hand at times.

“It’s none of my business.” He admitted, shaking his head as the two of you stepped had stepped out into the cold winter night. “But I think I learned a lot about you this evening and that’s saying something, considering how distant you have been with all of us.”

Your warm breath had condensed every time you exhaled, the air a little misty as it was that night. “I admit that I might come off as- more like, I really am... a bit closed off. But I have a valid reason for that.” You admitted as you walked along the sidewalk, the snow crunching under your boots with every step you took. “I’ve been used to doing my own thing, Dr. Barnes. It’s really hard to get out of that.”

“That’s understandable.”

The two of you walked in silence for the next few minutes, neither of you uttering a word as the snow continued to fall from the sky. It was not an awkward silence but one that was calming, to him more than yourself though. You kept your eyes at your feet, not knowing what exactly you needed to say in order to keep a conversation going. Not that you had nothing to say. You wanted to keep talking but you were hesitant about doing so. What could you possibly say to that man that could be of interest to him? What if you said something wrong and he took it the wrong way? That had happen once already and it had almost cost you your job. You could not make that same mistake.

“What made you want to start up this clinic, Y/L/N?” Bucky asked, curiously, finally breaking the silence. “Why did you go out of your way to do this?”

“Because...” You paused to bite down on your bottom lip, not knowing if you should give him an honest answer to his question. Would that be over-sharing? After all, you had spilled quite so much of your past to him. Did you need to say more? “Because I know how it feels, Dr. Barnes. I know how it feels to be out here in the cold... no food, no warm clothes, nowhere to go. The uncertainty of whether you would get through the night and into the next morning, it’s... the worst feeling in the world and... I just wouldn’t wish that upon anyone.”

“You know, Steve grew up... just a few blocks away from here.” He recalled, his hands still cold despite the fact that they had never left his pockets.

You nodded. “He did mention it when I told him about me volunteering for the shelter. As a matter of fact, he funded the clinic for the first couple of months until I was able to handle it on my own.”

“His mother was my nanny. She started working for our family after her husband passed.” He did not know why he was telling you this but his guilt for not being the better human being may have had a part in that. “Steve and I knew each other since we were very little. He’s like the brother I never had. His mother raised me and my sisters as if we were her own. She passed away when he was just about eighteen. Bronchioloalveolar carcinoma, the tumor was malignant by the time they caught it and she had already been misdiagnosed with pneumonia. There was nothing anyone could have done to save her. Steve couldn’t... he couldn’t afford to live after that. My folks offered to pay off the medical bills but he wouldn’t accept it. He had just gotten into NYU but he didn’t even know if he would end up going. A few days after his mother’s funeral, I found him right outside of that same shelter. I asked him to come and live with me and he told me that he could get by on his own. But I told him he didn’t have to... and I dragged him right back to my place and let him live in my guest bedroom for as long as he needed to. I owed that much to his mother. Best heart surgeon in New York and the best father in the entire world now that he traded his scalpel for changing diapers, he was capable of being so much better... than what life had to offer him, Y/N. You are also capable of being so much better than whatever life had to offer you and I hope you know that.” And that was the moment Bucky had realized that even he was capable of being better than what life had offered him. Perhaps he would start by writing you a cheque so that you could continue you doing what you were doing for the shelter. That was the least he could do.

Just then the two of you reached the Indian restaurant above which you lived. “Well... this is me.” You told him as you motioned towards to loft above the restaurant.

He nodded, pointing to his Mercedes that he had parked just across the street from the restaurant. “And that’s me.”

“Goodnight, Dr. Barnes.” You gave him a wave as you began to walk into the diner, stopping in front of the door before turning around to look at him. “Hey... James?”

He had turned around to cross the street once he waved you goodbye when you had called out to him. At first he was a little startled that you had referred to him by his first name, as you had never done that before. Besides, no one else other than his parents had called James. “Yes?”

“Thank you.” You told him as you gave him a genuine smile.

He nodded, smiling brightly as he ran his hand through his hair. And it was at that moment on that cold winter night did Y/N Y/L/N manage to thaw out the cold dead heart of James Buchannan Barnes.

“Goodnight, Y/N.” Bucky leaned over to press his lips against your forehead once more, his cold hands gently running through your hair as he sighed. He knew that you would have no recollection of this, since you were still knocked out from pain meds. But he could not help but speak to your unconscious self before he left, for the sake of his own sanity. “Wanda’s making me go home for the night so I might not see you again until... the day after tomorrow, I guess. Hang in there, doll. I hope you feel better... and I’ll see you when I get back.” I love you, he wanted to say, but he held himself back because he would rather say it in person and when the time was right. Grabbing his belongings, he walked out of your hospital room as he gave Thor a thumbs up, jogging down the hallway, down the stairs, past the ER and out the door towards the parking lot where he had parked his Mercedes.

It was only when he had started his car did he remember that he had forgotten to turn his phone back on. Before he pulled out of the parking lot, he turned on his phone to see that had several missed calls and text messages from his sister.

His eyebrows furrowed as he read her texts, a lump forming in his throat as he began to worry about the context of the messages. Bucky had asked his private investigator sister to do him a favor last week. And from what her messages now said, she must have found something that was relevant. He could not help but expect the worst after that.

Becca Barnes: Hey Buck, your phone’s off so you’re probably at work. Just wanted to let you know that I’m just heading back from Philly.

Becca Barnes: I found some things that you might find concerning. Let me know if I can come over tomorrow. I can’t tell you any of this through the phone.

Bucky bit down on his lip as he typed up a reply, but he could not help but worry about what his sister had found out for him.

How about first thing in the morning? I’m not working tomorrow.

[nadacwriter]

Gina and the Merfolk 2: Identity Crisis

With Gina still in her cast, school and life have gotten hard. But will an encounter with a Michigreen merfolk make things harder for her?

I’m so sorry I’m late to posting this! Work + anxiety + hypchondria delayed the release of this a little bit. but I hope you guys like it!

Wordcount: 2,017

Gina’s arm was still in a sling. She was still ‘sleeping’ flat on her back, her arm laid out next to her. She was still getting questions at school from people she didn’t really know about what happened, and still getting odd looks when she explained;

“They had to take a bit of my bone out, and since I’m not old, they took it from my arm instead of my back.”

Gina thought it was just plain unfair. So what if she would’ve had a severe panic attack and possibly chocked on her own spit if they took from her back? At least her ARM would’ve worked! She would’ve had a litany of other issues, but she still would’ve been able to climb trees. Maybe.  

With all this added stress, Gina found herself particularly angry walking home from school that day. The long walk usually brought her some sort of contemplative, relaxing time alone. Just her, the dirt path, and the trees that lined it. But this time, Gina wasn’t having ANY contemplative thoughts. No feelings of relaxation. She just found herself getting angrier as she walked, every time her slack arm hit her ribs, every time she replayed every conversation in her mind. Gina had never cared what others thought of her, why did it all of the sudden matter now? Why was every look critical? Why was every word negative?

Why did every laugh in the background have to be about her?

Gina ignored the tears welling as she went into the forested shortcut, an old path to a coast guard hut that cut the journey short. Her tears were getting her glasses wet, her face warm, her head light, as she just barreled through the forest. She wasn’t even bothering to look where she was going, she was trying to push every one of her thoughts out of her mind. But everything just kept spinning and twisting, getting louder and louder as she pressed further and further into the path.

Eventually, her mind won out over her body, and she forced herself to sit near a little stream. She threw herself down onto the bank and just cried in frustration, ignoring the water bottle that slipped out of her backpack and hit her on her bad arm, sending a ripple of pain through her. THAT clearly didn’t help.

“Ugh, would you STOP IT?!” She screamed, still crying, screaming at a lot all at once; her arm, her brain, her water bottle, just kicking the earth. She grabbed the bottle and just tossed it into the other bank of the stream. She’d deal with it later, maybe when she was done with her crying. She wouldn’t be done for a while.

It wasn’t cathartic. It didn’t help her deal with anything. The fact that she was letting herself cry only dug her shame deeper and deeper into the ground. She wasn’t going to feel particularly good after this. Even after talking to herself.

“I just want control…” She said, through heavy, labored breaths, “I just wanna be in control of myself, is that a crime now? I have to have some disease that just tells me how to think?” She tucked her knees to her chest, and buried her head in them. She heard the rustling in the water, coming against the stream. She didn’t care.

But then she heard something that got her attention.

“Lindan reck! Lindan reck!!”

Gina looked up, wiping her glasses clean with her shirtsleeve, and blinking away some extra tears. And on the other end of the bank, she saw a Michigreen merfolk. Looked to be an adolescent, but it was definitely a Michigreen; green skin, short, greenish hair, striations on the back. The Yellow eyes told her this was a juvenile.

“Lindan...reck?” Gina whispered to herself. Merfolk all had strange dialects, and though she knew a bit of common inland, that’s about it. She didn’t know much Michigreen. But she could put it together. Lindan sounded like ‘land one’, the term they used for humans and their pets. And ‘reck’ probably just meant ‘rock’. Why would an adolescent Michigreen be talking about a person’s rock-

THE WATER BOTTLE. It was metal, but the muted colors looked like stone on the bank. GINA had just THROWN it like she didn’t need it. And it was now closer to the Michigreen than to Gina. Meaning the Michigreen would beat her to it if it wanted it.

And it looked like it did.

“HEY!” Gina called, finding the little footbridge and running across to the other side of the stream, “That’s mine, you can’t have it-oof!” She tripped as she fell down the bank, loosing her footing and almost landing in the water. By then, the Michigreen had it in its hands, and was swimming back up stream. Gina watched as the dull green bottle made its way further up stream. And then she took off her backpack. “Not on my watch, you little bastard.”

Gina was lucky this one was a juvenile. It could go fast in that stream, but it was only the length of her forearm. She could catch up with it, but the problem would be getting it. She was still in a cast, and couldn’t get that wet. She’d have to wait for the Michigreen to jump from the water.

The stream got deeper and wider as it wound along the forest floor. The Michigreen was slowing down now, as the current pushed stronger against it. Gina could see that it was having a hard time carrying a water bottle that was about its size. And the thing kept getting slower, to the point where Gina didn’t even have to run to keep up with it. “Come on,” She said, “Come on up...the air is fine…”

A noise was growing in the distance. It sounded like rushing water of some sort. Gina ignored it as she kept her eye on the floating bottle. Though, at this point, it was less a chase and more a leisurely stroll. She might even have started singing if she weren’t so mad.

The stream got deeper, and the current faster, to the point where Gina almost didn’t believe what she was seeing.

“I’ve never even seen this thing before, is it like...some kind of river or something?” She asked herself, “And what’s that noise? Sounds like a-”

She was cut off when she saw it, letting out a light gasp.

Rapids. Leading up to what must have been a pool under a waterfall. Of course, of course! A Michigreen pond! They would often set up under waterfalls, it kept the water circulating, which’d protect their egg clutches from predators.

“And MUST be where this little guy lives-OPE!” Gina scrambled up the rapids as she saw the little Michigreen beginning to jump, hoping it’d jump close to the bank. “Come on, buddy, I just wanna talk.” She said, gritting her teeth. She positioned herself near the top of the rapids, and waited. She blinked, looking out and slitting her eyes as it got closer, and closer…

The Michigreen made a mistake. It jumped too close to the bank, and Gina was able to nab the bottle midair, the Michigreen still hanging onto it.

“HA! Gotcha!” Gina set the bottle down, and the Michigreen began to hiss, bearing its (somewhat adorable) sharp teeth. Gina was mad at the little thing, but she wasn’t about to kill it or let it die. She laced the bottle between her knees, and used her good hand to gently tug the Michigreen off of the bottle by its tail, before bringing it up to her face to get a better look.

“Huh...you’re oddly fascinated by that bottle, huh?” She asked, before slowly and gently setting the Michigreen down into the water.

“Well, you can’t go around taking other people’s things, y’know! You gotta be more careful, or you might wind up in a situation you’re not...prepared...for…”

There must have been at least 40 Michigreen merfolk, adults, juveniles, and guppies, staring Gina down with their greenish black eyes. Greenish-black. Adults.

And there were way more of those.

Gina had stumbled into a nest of incredibly angry looking merfolk.

And just manhandled one of their young, right in front of them.

“...Um...Hi…”

They all stared at Gina. Just...looking straight at her. Not making to attack, not preparing to gore her or feast on her, just looking at her. Intently. Intense, judging stares.

Judging Stares.

“I can’t even get away from it HERE!?” Gina huffed and kicked the bank of the flowing pond, sitting down on the grass once more.

“ALL I want is to just LIVE, is that so much? I just wanna be able to sit out here and be angry and throw something without some merfolk coming and stealing it, or without some doctor saying I’m not a person, or without some loser thinking I’m WEIRD for once! The woods aren’t MINE, I get it!” She threw her hand down, a weak, sad smile on her face, “But I come out here and I hope that I can at least BE, without getting ‘pranked’ or stared at like I’m some kind of FREAK!” She didn’t even notice she was crying, at this point, the smile still on her face.

“And now I don’t even get that!? I’m not human enough to be with humans, and I’m not animal enough to be out HERE clearly, so what AM I?! WHERE am I supposed to even GO?!” She threw the bottle back down into the bank, so hard it sank into the wet sand. She buried her head in her knees again, and cried just as hard as before. She didn’t have control over this, either, it seemed.

Gina heard some rustling in the water, coming near her. When she looked up, it was the adolescent from earlier.

“Ugh, just...keep it.” She said, kicking the bottle to it, “I can get another one, it doesn’t matter.”

The merfolk recoiled, swimming back away from Gina. It seemed to go back to its mother, still staring Gina down.

With a heavy sigh, Gina took the water bottle, and made the long walk back to her backpack, shooing away a chipmunk that was trying to get into it. She hoisted the back onto her good shoulder and slipped the bottle back into its sleeve. And she walked home, taking the shortcut past the coast guard hut, trying to come up with a lie she could tell to explain her tears.

“I’ll say I landed on my cast funny.” Gina said. She’d never lied to her dad before, it just wasn’t her nature. But she didn’t want to go through it with him. She just couldn’t bring herself to dump all that weight on someone else. It’d just be unfair to make someone else deal with it.

It’d be unfair to unload on someone.

_____

Gina laid in her bed, staring at the ceiling. It was 1 am. Again. 10 more hours and it’d be 4 days since she got the cast. It wasn’t supposed to come off for another four WEEKS. Gina looked up, her throat dry, her breathing shallow, looking at the stars through the window in the wall.

“...I know you can’t hear me, mom.” She said to herself. “And I know I should be taking this to dad. Since he’s the one who can help me.” She rubbed her eyes.

“But I just don’t know who I belong to. WHAT I belong to. I’m not even sure if I should BE here right now, or ever. I’m worried. So...so if you could just give a sign that you can hear me somehow, I really just want to know.”

Gina looked deep into the black sky full of stars.

Nothing.

“I don’t even believe in god...ugh, this is stupid.” Gina threw herself face first down onto the pillow. “This whole thing is stupid.”

Gina finally got to sleep. She wasn’t woken up by the fan. Or the wind.

Or, the strange, gentle call of a deer. Ringing through the woods.

[sablelab]

Covert Operations - Chapter 112

SYNOPSIS: Dr Foster ponders that Madeline will be skeptical about what he would suggest was in the patients' best interests.  Murtagh and Fergus get together to discuss what they have found out about accessing Jamie’s data. Sun Yee Lok talks with his daughter Ka-lin about his plans for the future. Meanwhile Madeline goes to Med Lab to talk with Dr Foster and to see Jamie and Claire for herself.

Chapter 111 and all other chapters can be found at … https://sablelab.tumblr.com/covertoperations

 THANK YOU to those who commented on the last chapter. I love reading your views on what I have written.  Just to clear a few things up for @lincoln59​.  Everything is classified in Section One and even the doctors are on a need to know basis.  If Operations and Madeline have put a caveat on Jamie’s data then it is for a good reason which will later be explained. I would also like to give a shout out to  @fickeepingtheshipafloat​ for your very kind endorsement of my story.  THANK YOU one and all for reading, liking and reblogging.    

Stay safe everyone and social distance.

  CHAPTER 112

Hearing a quiet knock at the door, Operations and Madeline ceased their conversation and both turned to see who was there. When their chef, Christopher entered the room, Operations beckoned for him to come closer. “I hope everything was to your satisfaction,” he stated as he approached the table to remove their plates. “It was ... You surpassed yourself.” He nodded in appreciation. “Thank you.” “The meal was delicious Christopher.” “Thank you Madeline.” Pleased at her comment, he turned back towards Operations for further instructions. “Will that be all sir?” “Yes … you may go.” As Christopher departed Madeline looked at her watch. Their luncheon meal had gone on far longer than she’d realized. After her conversation earlier this morning with Dr Foster, she had arranged to go to the infirmary this afternoon to check on Jamie and Claire’s status and she was late. She needed to know what his prognosis was as to their immediate recovery for once she and Operations knew that, then they could move forward. Realising that it would take her a little while to make the journey to Medical Madeline knew that she must get a move on. “May I?” She asked eyeing the small pager on the bureau behind Operations with intentions to let Dr Foster know that she was on her way. However, before she could page through to Medical to enquire if they were prepared for her visit, the small speaker beeped quietly alerting Operations to an incoming message. Pushing back his chair he reached for the intercom but as he did so Dougal could feel Madeline’s eyes peer at him as he answered the call. “Yes?” “Sir, we're waiting for Madeline in Medical.” He turned to look at her before answering. Madeline nodded in reply to his silent query. “Thank you. She’ll be down shortly.” Preparing to leave the table, she turned towards the man sitting across from her announcing, “You’ll have to excuse me then Dougal. I have some unfinished business to attend to.” Standing up from the table he went to help his second in command from her seat. “Would you like me to come with you?” “No …. That won’t be necessary.” “Call me then if you want me to come down after you’ve spoken with Dr Foster.” “I will.” Walking to the door she continued speaking. “Thank you for lunch Dougal.” “It is always a pleasure having you dine with me in the Tower, Madeline,” he replied with satisfaction. “Yes well …” “Let me know your decision after seeing the two patients won’t you?” “I will. Once we know how Jamie and Claire are, we will be able to re-strategize.” “You always have your finger on the pulse and I’ll look forward to your plans for them and the continued success of the mission Madeline.” An enigmatic smile crossed her lips. “Of course,” was her veiled reply. Opening the door, Operations watched as she walked away until his head strategist disappeared out of sight. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* After speaking with Operations, Dr Foster disengaged the intercom button and composed his thoughts. He knew Madeline would be here soon and would want to know the details of Claire and Jamie’s medical history since their admission to Med-Lab. He would need to use this time before she arrived wisely to fine tune his report for her concerning his recommendations for their recovery. No doubt Madeline would go over his report with a fine-tooth comb to see that his words were backed up with the medical diagnosis about the two patients. That’s why he was more than thorough in what he wrote for her, for he knew that her visit would be probing and he needed to be prepared for her questions and queries. His eyes drifted over to the sleeping patient. Like James Fraser, Claire Beauchamp would be scrutinized as to her recovery. She had all the hallmarks of being tortured severely as too did Jamie. Yet, despite the harsh bruising and loss of conditioning, the signs were optimistic for a complete healing from her injuries. Dr Foster knew only too well that both operatives had the scars of resistance and their injuries were symptomatic of brute force being used to make them surrender. This no doubt would please the Section leaders, for even though their two best operatives had endured horrific pain and suffering they had not capitulated to the enemy. Operations and Madeline would surely want to know when their best two operatives would be fit for duty once more. However, he had a duty of care to see that they didn’t return to the field until they were both mentally and physically well enough. To send either of them back on the Rising Dragons’ mission was tantamount to ordering their cancellation if they were sent too soon. He would do everything to discourage those ideas. It was his job and that of the medical staff to see that both Jamie and Claire recovered fully and to get them back to their optimum strength and physical functioning. Still, to do that would take a little time and recuperation for the two operatives. He was concerned that Madeline and Operations would not see the necessity in taking the time for Jamie and Claire to rehabilitate to achieve the best results for the Section and ultimately the mission. Both of them would need to be in full health and 100% fit to undertake such an important mission again. However, if Section’s leaders did and time was allocated to the two patients then their job in Med-Lab would have been a success. Deep in thought, Jeremy Foster walked over to the viewing window to open the vertical blinds that gave him a clear vision into James Fraser’s room. He peered in at him. Like Claire the patient was asleep. He’d just finished doing his ops on Jamie and although his blood pressure was high the pain medication he was getting intravenously seemed to be working. No doubt Madeline would want to speak with Jamie when she arrived, so he thought it best to let him sleep. There was no need to awaken him until it was absolutely necessary. It was his opinion that Fraser may need more intense care to hasten his recuperation given his injuries. However, like Claire, he too had encouraging signs that recovery may not be as long as originally thought. First though, Jamie needed to pull through the operation. Madeline was already aware of the situation concerning him having spoken to the head surgeon. She was also aware of his blood situation, which at the moment was holding up okay. It had been touch and go for Jamie but he had positive signs in his favour for his recovery. His prior level of fitness before his torture would hold him in good stead and once his wound healed, it wouldn’t take Jamie too long to regain his fitness levels to the optimum. Jeremy Foster closed the blinds once more and returned to his desk. His thoughts turned to a plan of action for when Madeline arrived. Although both patients needed complete rest, he was aware that her friends Murtagh Fitzgibbons and Fergus Claudel had already paid Claire a visit. He had no doubts that the weapons’ expert would be paying Jamie a visit too later this evening after being told that the first 24 hours were critical for him. With staunch friends such as these, the physician had no qualms about their clandestine visits. They could only help in the patients’ healing. This however, may not the case for Section’s leaders. He was sure that Madeline would be sceptical about what he would suggest was in the patients’ best interests ... yet time would tell. He knew that Claire had many friends in Section One and none more so than her mentor and partner who was recovering in intensive care. It was well known that the two operatives had a special bond … a special friendship, if you could call it that, which Madeline and Operations would not approve of. However, it was a medical fact that if a patient had the support of loved ones then they recovered that much quicker. It seemed to give the patient a sense of purpose and was conducive to a better recuperation time. It worried him that Madeline may give a directive that Claire’s friends would not be given clearance to visit the patients or for patients to visit other patients within Med-Lab. Nevertheless, he would discourage that line of thinking if it arose in conversation. The relationship between active and functioning operatives was frowned upon in Section and especially so in Jamie and Claire’s case. Madeline could worry about the possibility that these two people might actually care about each other when they had both recovered. Their speedy recuperation depended on the two of them being able to support one another, to work through the trauma of their torture and help each other regain their sense of purpose. If Madeline and Operations had a problem with his medical advice they would prolong the recovery time it took for them to be at their best. On the contrary, Section’s leaders should be thankful that James Fraser and Claire Beauchamp were both still alive. He hoped that common sense would prevail and that Madeline herself would suggest some of the measures that he had in mind for their healing without him having to give his opinion. Section’s second in command could then worry about the possibility that these two people might actually care about each other when they had both recovered. Lost in thought he was not at all surprised to see the very person he was expecting standing alone in the open doorway a few moments later when he happened to glance up. “Dr Foster?” Before he could answer, his visitor entered the room and walked towards him. Madeline stood beside his desk, a slight grimace on her furrowed forehead. “I see that you’re expecting me. May I join you?”

Meanwhile in a non-surveillance area elsewhere in Section … “Okay amigo what did you find out?” Murtagh asked as soon as they walked away from Med-Lab. “Not here,” Fergus replied knowing that they were not out of hear sight of the surveillance equipment yet. The two friends quickly walked down a labyrinth of corridors and when they reached a non-surveillance area of Section One away from Med-Lab, Fergus stopped mid-step and looked at his friend. He rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. He was tired … he’d been up half the night chasing up clues as to how to access Intel that supposedly didn’t exist. Any information about James Fraser was deeply hidden in the Section One database but he’d managed to find a way into the classified data. Nine times out of ten he would not have touched anything as sensitive as this for fear of being discovered and suffering the consequences. His head would be on the chopping block if Operations or Madeline found out he’d been snooping around. Normally he didn’t want to be caught up in the middle of things he'd rather not know about … but this was Jamie … His life may be on the line and if he could use his canny wiles to find the impossible to help his friend then he would do it. And he had done it. He’d found a way albeit through his crafty skills of unauthorized hacking. “I ran through a couple of programs and checked obscure channels trying to find a way into the classified Intel concerning Jamie's medical records.” “And what did you come up with? Did you find anything?” Murtagh asked inquisitively. Fergus looked over his glasses at his buddy with a twinkle in his eye extremely pleased with his efforts. “I think I may have found a way to access his file.” He was most pleased and it showed in the tone of his voice. “Good.” He was nearly salivating at what he was about to tell Murtagh. “I can't believe how easy it was to get into Section’s encrypted mainframe.” “Do you know where they keep the data?” “There is an unauthorised sector on the fifth floor.” “Level Five?” “Yeah … but it may be tricky … we’ll have to be careful.” “No problem … We can deal with it,” Murtagh replied full of adrenalin at the thought of doing something so clandestine as to access unauthorised regions in Section One. “There could be one other problem. It’s on a secure channel that can only be accessed by Operations or Madeline.” “Hmmm? ... That shouldn’t be a problem for you Fergus? Hey?” Murtagh grinned at his friend in admiration. “You can hack into anything … I’m sure this will be a piece of cake too.” “Yeah … but Operations would have me drawn and quartered if he found out … I’d be in abeyance before you could blink an eye … we both would." “Don’t worry so much little buddy. We'll be okay. We can do this. We need to do this. Dr Foster may need the data on Jamie. It’s better to be behind the eight ball rather than dragging our feet.” “What if he doesn’t want it after all? Perhaps we should wait and see if we need to give the data to him. Files are classified for a reason Murtagh, and if Operations and Madeline can only access it then it must be really significant.” “But what if he does need it? ” Murtagh could see that they were going around in circles deciding the benefits of what they were or weren’t about to do. He tried to convince Fergus by appealing to his logic. “We won’t need to give him anything unless it is absolutely necessary, but by saving precious time could mean the difference between life and death …. Remember this is Jamie we’re talking about.” “Yeah, I know but …” His older friend cut him off. “Not only that but, knowing this Intel may be an ace up our sleeves. We could use it as leverage with Operations. It could be to our advantage one day Fergus.  It could be our ticket out of Section One.” Reluctantly he nodded in agreement. “We’ll have to wait though until the coast is clear.” Pragmatically Murtagh set about eliminating the risk of being caught. “We know that Madeline will be in Med-Lab for a while. She’ll want to speak about Jamie and Claire. That takes her out of the equation.” “Yeah, that’s all well and good but what about Operations? We don’t know where he is. He could very well catch us in the act.” Fergus stated still a little apprehensive. “Why don’t you go and check to see if he’s in the Perch.” “Okay.” “I’ll meet you at the head of the hallways bisecting the Common Area in ten minutes then. Watch your flank.” “Thanks.” The two friends each went their separate ways to ascertain Operations’ whereabouts until they would meet at the rendezvous time. At Sun Yee Lok’s residence… Sun Yee Lok looked up when he heard the door to his office open. The noise was closely followed by his daughter’s voice. “Father?” “Come in my dear.” Closing the door behind her Karen approached his desk, but her father rose and came to greet her. “Come … sit down,” he instructed, ushering her to the comfortable chairs in the alcove overlooking the balcony and garden. “I hope you are well rested after the festivities last night.” ‘Yes, I am … thank you father.” “Good.” “I trust your interviews went well with Jonathon and Wang?” Karen stated and judging by her father’s wry smile she had her answer. All went well. “Yes … they were very enlightening … they had only good things to say about you.” “Really?” “Yes … there is no need to be modest my dear; I am well pleased with your actions at the monastery. Very pleased in fact.” “Thank you father … I am honoured by your comments.” ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Sun Yee Lok’s heart was bursting with pride. He looked over at his daughter ... he really looked at her and what he saw was a younger version of himself. It mattered not that she was a woman and that succession of the leadership would go to her … on the contrary Karen would be an excellent leader. Her father now saw her as his worthy successor when the time came, but for now he had one important project that would need her skills. She had more than earned his respect and he planned to give Karen the opportunity to grow and excel in the triad way. On all accounts she had been formidable in her dealings with the two co-conspirators … James Fraser and Claire Beauchamp. It appeared that he’d also been her greatest foe. He was the one who had killed Andy Ma, kidnapped and drugged her and placed her life in jeopardy. All this had been done to rescue the woman who was the thorn in the Rising Dragons’ side. Had Fraser survived he would have sought retribution for what he’d done to Karen. She had acted on her suspicions of Claire while her surveillance of her neighbour had proved fruitful. His daughter had masterminded the sting on Claire by befriending her realising that the woman was not all she appeared to be. This woman … this Claire Beauchamp … had undermined the Rising Dragons and her involvement could be traced back to the first incident of Tony Wong’s murder in Aberdeen, thus her death was a fitting end result. For that alone his daughter deserved kudos. Karen had proved her worth on other occasions too, but this time she had surpassed all of his expectations. Sun Yee Lok saw only a bright future for the Rising Dragons under her leadership. He had big plans for his daughter and saw no reason why she couldn’t begin her new role as soon as possible. He would start her accession development by giving Karen more responsibilities. He also knew the exact project that she could grit her teeth on … the triad’s expansion into Macau of a new casino in conjunction with Jonathon Randall.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ “You have done your father and the Rising Dragons proud. As a daughter you have surpassed anything I could have asked of you and more. I am delighted with your endeavours.” Karen nodded in acceptance of his admiration. Raising her head, she looked at him and smiled. “Is there anything you wish to ask of me father?” “Well as a matter of fact … there is.” “Name it and it is yours.” Back in Medical at Section One … “Good afternoon, Madeline.” Jeremy Foster looked at Section One’s doyen with a smile of greeting but Madeline barely returned his gesture. Her manner was reserved and reticent.

“How are the patients Dr Foster?” Knowing that she would want to know the answer to her question with explicit details, he sighed quietly and drew in a breath to calm his nerves before answering. “Both Jamie and Claire are holding their own at the moment. They are on hourly observations for any trauma anomalies.” “I see … Claire Beauchamp’s condition?” “She’ll be fine. We should see some improvement for her in the next seventy-two hours or so.” “That’s good. And Jamie?” “His prognosis is similar although his injuries are more pronounced than Claire. Jamie’s beating and torture appears to be far more brutal than hers. It will be at least another twenty-four hours before we'll have a clearer idea as to the success of the operation and we need to see how he reacts to the blood transfusions he’s been given. For that reason, Jamie will be in ICU for the next day or so where he can be monitored more closely.” Madeline looked at him but her expression held no compassion for either patient.  She had her normal stoic demeanour and gave noting away as to what she might be thinking. “What can you tell me about their injuries?”

“Perhaps it is best if I show you Madeline,” he replied in a professional manner, drawing her attention to Claire’s medical chart displayed on the computer screen on his desk first. “Claire has multiple contusions to several parts of her body especially her ribcage, stomach and face which are symptomatic of the torture she suffered. She also has severe bruising to her upper torso, arms, legs and face. There was evidence of blood in her urinary tract so there could be some internal injuries as well but we’ll know for sure once we have the results of her pathology tests.” Madeline stood and listened to all that Dr Foster had to say. So far, all his data correlated with the characteristic symptoms of torture and mistreatment. Given that it was a couple of days before the retrieval team was able to rescue her, the doctor’s dissertation confirmed what they had seen on the tape as well. The triad’s interrogator had certainly been thorough in his methods. Dr Foster glanced over at Madeline, trying to determine her reaction to his statements about Claire’s condition, but her expression was aloof as usual. “She also has tissue damage inside her mouth, a cut lip and scratches to her face and cheeks but these are superficial and should heal in time.” He switched to Jamie’s medical chart and his data appeared on the monitor. Madeline moved a little closer and surveyed the chart and findings. “Can you explain what all these graphs are for?” “Certainly … they indicate Jamie’s blood pressure, heart rhythms and his oxygen levels over the last 24 hours. His pain medication is graphed separately. At the moment he is on morphine to dull the pain in his shoulder.” “How long will it be until he is up and about?” “It’s hard to say but if all goes well, I would think three days, perhaps more before he can get up from his bed. However, I need to warn you that there could be some complications.” Madeline knitted her brows in consternation. “What complications?” It was evident that there were to be no such things as complications for James Fraser according to Madeline, but Dr Foster needed for her to know just what could go wrong.

“Jamie could, I repeat could … have some paralysis in his shoulder, but this is yet to be determined. If he does then we will deal with it accordingly. One thing in his favour is that his fitness levels have always been excellent. He is a strong and fit young man and that's a huge plus, but he’ll still need some physio for his shoulder to regain its flexibility. Rest and rehabilitation are also crucial to get him back to peak condition and that could take at least a week.” “I see. You have been more than thorough Dr Foster. Is that all?” He hesitated before answering, knowing that Madeline would most likely not approve of what he was about to say next. “There is one other thing.” “Yes? What is it?” She asked giving him a penetrating look. “Although both Jamie and Claire’s injuries are severe, I have confidence that they will recover completely if given enough time to recuperate fully. Medical facts support that a speedier recovery is obtained if patients are rehabilitated with other patients who have suffered a similar ordeal. It is a known fact that this support is crucial in the patients’ overall mental and physical wellbeing. My report documents this in more detail. I have several suggestions …” “That won’t be necessary. I understand exactly what you’re saying Dr Foster,” was her acerbic reply. “Now … I would like to see the patients for myself.” “Yes … of course.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ to be continued on Friday 10th April.

I will post weekly during April until I have a few more chapters under my belt.  

[harleyquinnbluemoonlove]

Welcoming the new Social Movement/Platform/Political Party in the World

Official Name:  Blue Dog Bite Mafia 888 *BETA*

Owner/CEO/Founder/Dealer/Player/Delivery BAD B: 

Current Name:  Monica Gill   FUTURE Name: Mercedes Lynnette Giovanni

Email:  fairytalesexist2020@gmail.com

Current Financial Status:  $0.00     ---- You may DONATE by using CASH APP Cash Tag #$bluedogbitemafia888

***MY CYBER FAMILY MUST ENSURE THAT DONATIONS ARE NOT HIGHJACKED/STOLEN****

BASIC IDEA/PLAN OF ATTACK/EXECUTION OR POSITIVE WORDS LIKE “LAUNCH”.  We can issue an ATTACK or a LAUNCH CODE.

I will dumb it down a little bit. I am taking advantage of my position of power, now that I am a Celebrity in the World. Its the greatest feeling in the world, feels better than good sex and that is a hard thing for me to admit because I love some good, hot, sweaty sex and I’ve been going without for several weeks. I almost fell like a Nun because I cannot even pleasure myself because I was molested as a child by Lovie Price’s boyfriend “Frank Parker” a gasoline man from an early. I told Connie Price about it when I was 15 and her name at the time was Connie Dunford. It was the same day Brandie Ann Thompson said Curtis Triplett tried to rape her in the bathroom at the house In Frayser, Memphis TN. Brandie Ann in her hayday, resembled a youthful Cameron Diaz. Cameron Diaz dated Justin Timberlake once upon a time. She played in the move “The mask” and the mask was green. At the end of the movie, the dog put on the mask. You all know, when you wear that mask---you become a Shape Shifter, transforming into anything/anyone you think will grab the Hot or Not Rated #10 Woman’s ATTENTION/HEART/LOVE and will do anything, I mean anything to get it. The secret to my success is a compilation of everything good, bad, dirty, evil and let’s call it “The Struggle” or the “Human Experience”. 

Old School (OS) Operating System (OS) Back to Basics (B2B) Brandie Thompson (BT) Barry Thompson (BT) Blue Tooth (BT) Brandie Smith (BS) Bull Shit (BS) Rent A Center (RAC) Roger Adren Crawford (RAC) $1K (RAK) Rags to Riches Richard Abernathy (RA) **secret boyfriend shh!!** Douche Bag (DB) or Douglas Belknap (DB) Thomas Jones (TJ) County Road (CR) Danny Thomas (DT)  Deanna Thomas (DT) ... Trying to show you how I think period dot. In ya’ll are slow, period dot also equal two dots. You must have two dots to play connect the dots and draw the lines to illustrate inspiration into a masterpiece. The best pieces of Art are very old, have a solid reputation, and is properly curated to ensure it maintains its value for infinity times three.

Basically, you can get with my program, drink my Kool Aid, swallow your pride, do the right thing, if you have done something wrong, you really need to return to your basic religious beliefs what they may be, get right with yourself, because what you have done will come to light, exposed, we are moving on from there. We are, as a society going to change and deliver the children and the children’s children: a brighter future with more options, a limited amount of privacy, give them the world and see what they can accomplish with living in a world of positive vibes, beautiful colors, great music, entrepreneurship, dreams, and now, the little girls if we get married will truly believe in fairytales. This right here is whats up because we have an opportunity, once in a lifetime opportunity, to fix society, establish unity and peace, competition is good but everyone needs a chance to win sometimes to boost their confidence and pride. When there is monopoly or kingdom, it fosters the seven deadly sins, seven capital sins, and the seven cardinal sins, which is systemic to original sin. 

Genesis clearly explains that certain things were created on certain days and back time was measured. You cannot just create a man or a woman. First, you need the Universe. Then, you need the Galaxy which creates Space. In Space, you have the moon, stars, sun, planets, black holes, asteroids, comets, shooting stars, orbit, gravitational pull. Here we are on planet Earth with 7 continents and 7 oceans. I like the number 8 because it represent a number, a symbol, and no limitations--infinity. My son was born on 3-8-03 weighing 8 pounds, 8 ounces and 19.5 inches long, color: BLUE, life: No sign of it. It took 10 minutes and PLEADING WITH THE LORD AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS SCREAMING PRAYING TO PLEASE GIVE HIM LIFE, I DON’T WANT TO HAVE GONE THROUGH 35.5 HOURS OF LABOR AND 7 HOURS OF HARD PUSHING WITH NO PAIN MEDICINE, NO EPIDURAL, GAVE BIRTH TO A STILL BORN BABY NATURALLY AND THE GOOD LORD ANSWERED MY PRAYERS AND THAT BOY CRIED AND WENT TO THE NICU AT BETHESDA NAVAL HOSPITAL IN MONTGOMERY COUNTY, MARYLAND. ITS ALSO REFERRED TO AS “THE PRESIDENTS HOSPITAL”.

He is 17 years old, already a MASTERMIND and a Professional Gamer. He is so smart like me, that he had to design/build/code his own computer because there is not a computer on the planet that can keep up with his level of gaming. I saw a photo of it. Its a desktop computer with the case taken off the side--lit up with blue LED lights

It’s Confession Time and Holy Communion Time that means confess your sin, wrongdoing, break bread, eat bread, drink wine, not whine. No days off, no excuse, no immunity, no setups, no blame game, no liars, no stealing, checks and balances, no absolute power because absolute power fosters absolute corruption, which is why were in this position right now with COVID-19, Corona Virus.

I think one person needs a pardon because he has stayed on the job, even though he was originally lied to by the Feds. He deserves a pardon, record expunged, and an opportunity. I see great potential, just needs an opportunity, believe in himself, and have the courage to escape his own prison of gold diggers, groupies, fans, and whores.

In this triad, it is a rags to riches story times three. There is only 1 TRUE VERSION of ME, and its right here in Memphis TN, age: 41(Birth Cert).

To succeed in any sports game, you must be fit, educated, content with yourself to include your pros/cons/demons and knowledgeable & intelligent enough to know that I am certified True OG, I got your back no matter what because to me money ain’t a thing, fame fades just like stars, but loyal dogs do not turn on their master unless they are abused or hungry. I am a Blue AKC Royal Bloodline Pitbull, Staffordshire Terrier. Pitbull is the image you need to have in your mind when you think of ME.

#donations #loyalty #888 #TRUMP2020 #IG #WHISTEBLOWER ACT #RULES #ESPNSPORTS #RAPGODS #GREEKGODS #GOD #CLASHOFTITANS #THEGAME #THEROCK #GLUE #DOCTORS   #LAWYERS #COWBOYS #DANCE #L.I.F.E. #LOVE #SM #EM 

#NEED SOME COM[ANY AND VITAMIN D

BLUE, COME ON UNLESS YOU ARE “CHICKEN” “SCARED”

I PROMISE I WILL NOT BITE. BUT, I AM STARVING, LONELY, NEED MONEY TO CREATE AND LAUNCH MY DREAMS TO POSITIVELY AND EFFECTIVELY CHANGE THE WORLD WHICH WILL PLACE ME AND PRESIDENT TRUMP IN THE HISTORY BOOKDS. AND THE HISTORY BOOKS ARE GOING TO BECOME FACTBOOKS, AND HISTORY CLASSES WILL BE MANDATORY THROUGHOUT LIFE REGARDLESS OF AGE, POSITION, JOB, FINANCIAL STATUS BECAUSE THE BEST EDUCATION IS A “CONTINUOUS EDUCATION”. IF YOU DO NOT CONTINUE LEARNING, YOU BECOME RUSTY AND THEN, YOU CANNOT KEEP UP THE FAST PACED CHANGES OF ADVANCE TECHNOLOGY IN THE REAL WORLD AND IN THE REAL GAME OF LIFE.

RECOMMENDATIONS ARE AS FOLLOWS:

1.  DONATE MONEY TO MY CAUSE ON CASH APP 

$BLUEDOGBITEMAFIA888 

DO NOT HACK MY PHONE OR MY LAPTOP, DO NOT HACK ANYTHING OR ANYBODY BC YOU CANNOT DO IT BETTER THAN U.S. BC U.S. CREATED THE INTERNET IN WASHINGTON DC AT THE PENTAGON CALLED “DARPANET” IN 1974. THE FIRST COMPUTER WAS AN APPLE, SECOND COMPUTER WAS MICROSOFT. A GOOD BRAND IS A HP WITH MS WINDOWS. I HAVE A BLUE HP LAPTOP STREAM, I HAVE A BLACK APPLE IPHONE 7. I AM ON A WIFI WITH A VPN THAT KEEPS GETTING DISABLED. THE SOUND ON MY PHONE DOES NOT WORK. I AM BACKING UP BOTH DEVICES AND GOING TO RESET TO FACTORY SETTINGS SO I CAN GURANTEE EFFECTIVE DIGITAL SECURITY.

2. I NEED COMPANY TO SIT WITH ME, DRINK WITH ME. I WOULD LOVE SOME JACK AND COKE OR A BUD LIGHT. I WOULD ALSO LOVE SOME FOOD THAT CONTAINS RED MEAT TO ASSIST ME WITH MY BLOOD PROBLEMS. BUDDY OR BLUE OR YO -- FIGURE IT AND SEND ME SOMEONE I KNOW. I AM TOO PRETTY AND TOO COOL TO BE CHILLING BY MYSELF WITH NO FOOD, NO ALCOHOL, NO MONEY, NO WEED, ETC. 

3.  SELF EVALUATE OR DO A PEER REVIEW/. SELF EVALUATION IS LOOKING AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR AND THINKING ABOUT YOUR LIFE. I LIKE TO WRITE THINGS DOWN, IF HELPS ME. IT WILL BRING ABOUT A SENSE OF UNDERSTANDING WHO, WHAT, WHY YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE, HOW YOU BECAME PERSON, AND DESIGN YOUR OWN ROADMAP TO BEING A BETTER PERSON AND OPENING YOUR HEART TO REALIZATION THAT THE CHILDREN ARE THE FUTURE, RIGHT WE ARE THE WORLD, WE CAN ACHIEVE GREATNESS, A NEW TYPE OF MAGIC “UTOPIA”.

WHAT ARE YOU ABOUT? WHAT DO YOU WANT OUT OF LIFE? ARE YOU HAPPY WITH YOURSELF? CAN YOU FREE YOUR MIND? CAN YOU OPEN YOUR HEARTS? CAN YOU COMMIT? DO YOU KNOW WHEN TO WALK AWAY? WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE IN? DO YOU HAVE CONFIDENCE? ARE YOU IN YOUR OWN PRISON--YOUR MIND, YOUR FEELINGS, YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS?

WISDOM COMES WITH TIME, EXPERIENCE, EDUCATION, HARD WORK, SERVICE, LOYALTY, PURPOSE, AND TRAVELING.

At the end of the day, who do you want to be with? 

Woman - Wise can deliver the world or drop the world, age 41 -- looks better than 20 & 30 year old GIRLS. Does not care about money, fame, status, power because the game was scheduled and unfortunately, unaware of the OP -- she walked, ran, sprinted STOLE the Flag, and won the game. 

Everyone wants to still run their mouths, try to control a man, and those hos, have no power, position, fame, etc. They are with or around you because of who you are, what you have done, and what you can give them---in my opinion that is abuse of power and targeting someone to manipulating them to do what you want them to do.

I like structure, things to be done a certain way because I like cleanliness, organization, faith, love, hope, trust, and loyalty. 

I would not cop an attitude with everyone, if  I did not feel like the world was against me. Hint, hint -- I don’t trust authority figures because I was molested, abused, targeted, almost died several times, lied to, cheated on, setups, smear campaigns, gossiped about, bullied, beat on, yelled at, called names, jealous women everywhere so dumb they forget I have a hunger against Human  Trafficking. People are on this RACISM BULL SHIT. 

Its 2020, Racism = IGNORANCE AND IGNORANCE IS NOT BLISS ANYMORE, IGNORANCE IS DEADLY. 

Basic belief system of Karma, it is a metaphysical/paranormal reality that is mixed with real, artificial, and soon-to-be virtual reality. It is what it is. 

What you set your mind, what you do and the thoughts and actions you put into the world will either grant you your dreams or come back times three by the of karma, what goes around, comes around.

I want/will do good and be a good role model for everyone. I am going to teach, help you, do what I want, when I want, how I want because I know my worth, my value, and what I can GURANTEE/DELIVER.

Greed, jealousy, laziness, and all the ugly things that are in the world

                                                  WILL

 get you no where but hungry, lonely but free, penniless, candy-less, eliminate sports.

                                        COMMIT OR QUIT

MY MISSION WILL ENDURE AND CARRY ON UNTIL I FEEL MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. I DO NOT HAVE A FAILURE TO THRIVE AND I DO NOT LACK A WILL TO LIVE. 

MY ISNT OVER, YET;

[faketextsfromlastmight]

Best of tags #09

A compilation

@awesome-milkshake-blog on Iida, Bakugou and Kirishima: (Link)

#i hope their dynamics are more relaxed like this#in their second or third year

Plot twist: All For One slips in his jail’s cell shower and dies. The rest of the series is just a sitcom.

@jay-catsby on Aizawa complaining about politics at breakfast: (Link)

#hfjdjshdhs hes that guy in the dining hall who you overhear getting too real at 8am

He’s the guy who brings up child labour laws when you receive a pair of Nike shoes on Chritsmas morning. Just kidding, he’s not that socially obtuse. But a lot of characters mentions he’s very critical of society and we see in the “Vigilantes” spin-off that he had an... interesting relationship with law enforcement. My guess is that he used to be overly political but that he mellowed out over the years.

@awesome-milkshake-blog on Bakugou wanting Todoroki’s attention: (Link)

#thats it#thats the sports festival

Yeah, Todoroki’s and Bakugou’s relationship (or, at the present, the lack thereof) is definitely a development I’m excited for in the upcoming chapters of the manga.

So far Bakugou pretends to be indifferent towards his classmates’ opinions of him (although it’s painfully clear he’s actually obsessed with the way people perceive him and reacts violently whenever things don’t go his way). There are exceptions, however. He definitely changes behavior around Kirishima (to whom he listens more) and Deku (whom he can’t help antagonizing), but Todoroki is maybe the third classmate towards whom he shows interest. I think Todoroki represents a social class in which Bakugou wants to fit in, so naturally he can’t help showing some partiality. Todoroki is also one of the few classmates Bakugou feels could beat him one-on-hand, so there’s that. Basically Todoroki was born in the superhero scene and will undoubtedly be a superhero (he got into U.A. through recommendation, unlike Bakugou who had to pass an exam), he’s a natural professional. As much as he hates to admit it, Bakugou wishes he were in Todoroki’s place.

However so far Todoroki acts very indifferent towards Bakugou’s antics. My guess is that he dismisses him as a petulant man-child and finds him too unpleasant to try to build a friendship. But that could change.

Horikoshi has already laid the ground for deeper interaction when he put Bakugou and Todoroki in the kindergarten arc. We know that Bakugou knows Todoroki was horrifically abused by his superhero father (although Todoroki doesn’t know Bakugou knows that). He looks uncharacteristically disturbed when he overhears that. Bakugou idealized the superhero scene and learning of Todoroki’s terrible childhood is his first glance at the dark side of superheroics. We do know that Bakugou respects Todoroki’s outlook somewhat because he begrudgingly obeyed Todoroki when he told him how to handle little kids. Bakugou was willing to use violence to discipline them because that’s the way he was raised, but Todoroki reminded him that there was a better way of doing that.

My guess is that this is groundwork for how Todoroki and Bakugou are going to grow closer. Horikoshi didn’t picture Mitsuki hitting Bakugou for nothing, it’s a way to explain Bakugou’s irrationally violent nature. Although Bakugou’s childhood was better than Todoroki’s, his parents failed him and he needs to realize that to become a better person. I guess a deeper Bakugou/Todoroki conversation on child abuse is upcoming. Their emotional journeys complement each other. My hope is that Bakugou, following his conversation with Todoroki, will call out his mother on her casual violence (and his father on the way he enables it). The reason Bakugou acts so horribly is that the violence he experienced at home is framed as something normal. Bakugou is unable to recognize the harm he does to others because he can’t even realize the harm he suffered himself. Once Bakugou comes to terms with the damage his parents did to him, he will be able to acknowledge the damage he did to other people (such as Deku when they were in middle school). His interactions with Todoroki will be key in this development.

@greenvalleybroccoli on Bakudeku: (Link)

#all might would never ship bakudeku though

I don’t know, he seems pretty invested into the Bakugou/Midoriya rivalry in general. He clearly seems potential in their teamwork. Personally I think Boku No Hero Academia will end on Bakugou and Midoriya becoming a superhero duo in the same agency. The status of All Might as the symbol of peace is constantly decried in-universe as problematic because it’s too much to handle for one person. Furthermore it tends to evaluate raw strength as what it takes to be a hero rather than good behavior. So in order to truly change things for the better, I think All Might will not just choose Midoriya as a successor, but also Bakugou. The new “symbol of peace” will be a duo rather than a single hero, and their true superpower will be teamwork. Bakugou is used as a foil to Midoriya because it’s a yin/yang relationship. Duality is often a form of unity.

@demiboydorito on Kirishima eating a diamond: (Link)

oh god i sure hope op meant fantasy au bc the image of a 15 yr old child just c h o m p i n g a DIAMOND is killin me

You forget Kirishima has a hardening quirk. The joke is that his body is so resistant he can actually munch and digest diamonds. Maybe he’s part Goron?

@xxwolfydoodlezuwuxx on Todoroki hanging out with Shinsou: (Link)

#todo no-#being emo with shinsou is not gonna help u man.

Shinsou’s not emo, he’s old-school goth. His design is based on the character of Cesare from “The Cabinet of Doctor Caligari” (a movie about brainwashing/hypnotism).

@principle-of-parsimony  on Monoma copying Shigaraki’s quirk: (Link)

He'd only decay if he copied the power from like, a High-Five, since all five fingers need to be touching the object in question in order to make it decay. Now Shigaraki though, if Monoma copies his quirk and isn't careful when copying it, Shigaraki himself may start to disintegrate.

What if they touch each other at the same time? Do the quirks cancel each other out? Or do they both decay?

@paradis-smash on Bakugou’s future hero name: (Link)

#if his hero name is Kacchan i fucking quit!#I'm kidding#but please don't let it be Kacchan

I’m sorry to alarm you but I’m actually pretty sure that’s where the series is headed. Bakugou accidentally gave Midoriya his hero name (Deku), so there would be poetic justice in Bakugou embracing the name Midoriya uses for him (Kacchan). Bakugou’s arc seems to mostly revolve around him slowly realizing how his terrible behavior affects others and why it actually prevents him from progressing as a hero. His remedial internship at the kindergarten is actually all about that. Basically Bakugou is set back in his hero work by a massive P.R. problem. He’s not as approachable as Midoriya who just radiates positivity (like All Might). Actually most oh his hatred of Midoriya could stem from the internal realization that Deku’s personality is more suited to hero work than him. His aura of goodness makes Bakugou feel insecure in his own abilities. So he needs to get over that and try to learn from Midoriya, not only to imitate his social intelligence but also to realize his own qualities.

Bakugou probably hates that nickname but I don’t think he realizes it’s actually IRONIC. The “-chan” suffix is usually used by young women and children for people they find cute, but Midoriya actually finds Bakugou pretty macho and awe-inspiring. Calling “Kacchan” is his way of saying “you’re a badass, but you’re also my friend, and that makes me feel SAFE”. If Bakugou wants people to trust him more, choosing that cutesy nickname as his hero name would actually be a good P.R. move. It would subvert the expectations people have when his more irritable persona manifests.

@tis-i-the-frenchiest-fri on the eternal Endeavor debate: (Link)

Twice is probs arguing with himself in the background

It is a truth universally acknowledged that any panel of BNHA is automatically improved by a silhouette of Twive arguing with himself in the background.

@sassyakimichi on Endeavor’s dating preferences: (Link)

the last one I literally screamed "oH sHIT" so much for library discretion x-x

So now we can add “library discretion” to the list of things Endeavor’s ruined.

@missmarj on Shouto’s poem: (Link)

E. Coli and broccoli does not rhyme shouto but dammit that was beautiful

The poem as written is supposed to be bad so let’s all just pretend my mistake is actually Shouto’s!

[groovyzombiellama]

You Don’t Know Shit

Title: You Don’t Know Shit Requested? No. Plot: Having a fight with Jax and being angry at him for abandoning you for weeks without telling you anything, but then you realize he did it only to protect you. Word count: 1845 

---***---

Furious didn’t even begin to describe how you were feeling. It was like every single word in the English language that meant anger combined wasn’t enough to fully potray how you felt about Jax right now. Rage flowed through your veins instead of your blood and your heart was beating so loud you could hear it in your ears. First he starts acting weird, closing all the curtains in the house as soon as he steps inside, he tells you to stay at home on certain days, but fails to explain to you why you should do so. And then he decides to disappear for three weeks, without saying anything to you, not even a single word. You just came back home to find some of his stuff gone from the closet, along with the bag he usually packs when he’s going on a run. You thought about calling Juice and asking if they had a run to make, but decided to go over to the club and see for yourself how many of the Sons were on this ’run’. And sure enough, only your Old Man has left, the rest of the Sons looking up at you with wide eyes as you entered the clubhouse, having probably expected you’d call first and they could figure out a way to cover for their VP.

Opie stood up from his place at the bar and headed in your direction, opening his mouth to speak, but you interrupt him by raising your hand up, in the height of his face, before turning on your heel and walking towards the exit. “Y/N wait! It’s not what you think!“ You heard Opie call after you and for a moment stopped in your tracks, allowing him to catch up to you, your arms folded on your chest. You waited for Opie to catch up to you and stand in front of you before speaking. “What the hell are you talking about Ope? Are you gonna tell me he went on this particular run on his own? Because ever since I’ve met Jax, he’s never been on a run alone, certainly not without you! Is he meeting another woman? Or is he just trying to add more danger into our lives that we don’t need right now? What is the excuse this time Ope?!“ You were practically sobbing through your words, doing your best to stand your ground, fists clenched, as you let your hands rest on your sides after flailing them around as you almost yelled at Opie.

He you finish your rant, knowing that would help you calm down enough to allow him to speak, and he took your hands in his. “I know it’s not easy for you to understand any of this. But I need you to trust me when I say that he’s not cheating on you, and he’s not actively looking for more trouble. He would never purposefully put you or the kids in danger and you know that too. Just give it some time and he’ll tell you everything himself.“ You rolled your eyes with a sigh, asking Opie why he couldn’t tell you now, but he replied that since he knows you, he knows that you’d want to follow Jax, and he can’t have that happen. Jax instructed him to look out for you while he’s gone and he intended to complete that. Ope then invited you to come in and have a drink with him to cool down further, because he didn’t want to let you drive when your vision was being clouded by the fire he was in your eyes.

And you waited, you waited for three weeks for Jax to come back, and even when you tried to file a missing person report with the police, not knowing what was going on with Jax and how much longer he was going to be gone, or if he was supposed to come back earlier but something happened, Unser told you that there was no need to do that. Even he knew where your Old Man was, everybody seemed to know, except for you. And the moment Jax stepped through the door, he had already mentally prepared himself for all of your questions and yelling at him. And you sure as hell let him have it. When you saw him take off his shoes, you noticed a grimace on his face and his movements were slower and more cautious than usual, but you were too mad to care at the moment. As you yelled at him, your throat drying, he sat down at the couch and silently waited for you to finish. “How could you just leave me?! How could you leave our kids?! Do you have any idea how worried I was?! I didn’t know anything about you, if you were in jail, or dead in a ditch somewhere! I know that I don’t matter as much as the club does, I’ve learned that a long time ago, but don’t you think I deserve at least a little head’s up before you disappear on me for weeks on end?! I guess that now I finally know what kind of person you are Jackson.“

You said the last sentance with your voice coming back to normal, and Jax still had his head hanging low, realizing the hurt he has put you through after you called him by his full first name. You never called him Jackson, unless you were joking around with him, or something was very wrong. It was always either Jax or one of the hundreds of pet names you had given him throughout the years. And when you were really pissed at him for something he had done, you would use his full name, so he knew it wasn’t so much anger that you were feeling but hurt. However, when you uttered the last two sentences of your rant, he finally looked up at you, and you finally saw his glossy eyes, filled with tears that threatened to fall down his cheeks at any moment. It took you aback, and you instantly regretter what you said, but you couldn’t exactly turn back the time and take a different approach to the whole thing. “You don’t know shit.“ He swallowed hard before uttering this sentence, trying his best to keep the tears from falling, and slightly shook his head and raised his eyebrows as he spoke, the usually white sclera of his eyes has now turned pink, the area around his eyes puffy and you could tell that he has been crying a short time before coming into the house. A frown formed on your face at his words, letting out an airy laugh, your heart screaming at you to run over to the love of your life and engulf him in your arms, let yourself become intoxicated once again by his smell and forget everything. But your head was telling you to stand tall and demand an explaination.

In the next moment, Jax stood up and started walking towards you, just like Opie at the clubhouse when you first went there to check for him, but instead of raising your hand, you took a few steps away from him, making him stop in his tracks. Two methods, the same outcome, stopping a person from getting any closer to you. You rolled your eyes as Jax grabbed his shirt and began lifting it, ready to tell him that having sex is not going to solve the problem, and then you saw his body, the air leaving your lungs all at once. His torso and back were filled with bruises and cuts, and some stab wounds that have been sewn, meaning he’s been to the doctor before coming here. Your mind went blank, all your anger leaving your body, and you rushed over to Jax, placing your hands on his broad shoulders, inspecting every injury. Your eyes began to water and you put your hand on your mouth, to try and stop a scream. Every single one of those injuries hurt you ten times more, and your heart ached because of all the things you said to him before. You began repeating apologies as a chant, tears now streaming down your cheeks, before you felt Jax shush you, and resting one hand on your waist, while raising the other to wipe your tears with his thumb. You wanted to hug him, but knew that you couldn’t, so you just stood there in front of him, frozen, eyes wide.

“I know I hurt you by leaving, and by not giving you any information on what was going on, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t because, knowing you, you’d want to fight this battle with me, and I wasn’t going to let that happen.“ He then took your hands into his, leading you over to the couch, and sitting back down slowly, and that’s when he began telling you what happened. The Nords VP had a bone to pick with him and sent him a note, saying if Jax doesn’t give himself over to them, that you’d be the one they’d go after. You’d be the one captured and tortured until Jax was ready to give himself up in your place and give them a large amount of guns they had promised to the Mayans. “And for the two weeks I was gone, it was living hell. They tied me up and you can guess by the injuries on me what they had done. The third week, I spent that in hospital, trying my best to recover and come back home to you. I’d rather die than let you go through something like that.“ He continued, saying Chibs and Tig went over to the Mayans and told them about the threats the Nords were making, and Marcus agreed to help, giving away the guns they were going to buy from the Sons, to have Jax set free. You couldn’t believe this was happening, that your Old Man, the love of your life, spent a whole week in a hospital, he was in pain, he needed you, and you weren’t there for him and you regretted not taking the calm approach to the situation. Your chant of apologies began again, only this time Jax shushed you by pressing his lips to yours. When he pulled away, he put his forehead against yours and told you that you didn’t need to apologise, and he understands you were hurt, and that he was finally happy to be back home, back with you. “I needed you so much baby. Just help me take a shower and let’s go to bed. I’ve been through so much, and I just want to finally relax with the woman that I love.“ You wiped your tears and grabbed his hand gently and lead him to the bathroom and after helping him take a shower and get to bed, you covered his face with kisses, finally getting a smile out of him. “I love you darlin’.“ “I love you too Jax, so much.“

---***--- I don’t know how this one turned out, but I have faith in you guys to let me know what you think :) <3

[venerationgeneration]

Weight Bias & Body Shaming

This is a pretty strong subject to start out on but it’s something I’m passionate about. So read on if you will - get my take on the subject - and hopefully some of it will sink in.

Dear Reader:

I don’t see myself as beautiful. No matter how hard I try, I look in the mirror constantly judging my skin, my face shape, eye shape, eyebrows, hair color, length, style….does my neck look thick, is my shirt too tight, is my double chin showing? Do I feel brave enough to wear a dress today (most often I do not). Do I feel like wearing a short dress with tights so I can be comfortable; hiding my body and who I am? Trying to seem as inconspicuous and un-obtrusive as possible. Because if you can fade into the background people will have no reason to even notice you and you may spare yourself some pain and humiliation.

From a young age I was trained to believe that I wasn’t good enough because I was overweight. That if I lost that weight I would be acceptable to people, but as I was, I was deserving of pain, ridicule and being ostracised. This wasn’t intentional and I harbour no ill will toward all the people that participated in this molding of who I am. There are too many to count anyway. Teachers, doctors, family, friends, strangers, businesses, and employers. I was once told I was too fat for a job and then told by family that the employer was right to say that to me. This was years ago, but had this happened in 2019 I’m sure I could have at least gotten him some bad reviews on his business page if not more. I was once called a hippo at the zoo by a boy in my class in front of an adult (who didn’t correct him) – she laughed. I’ve had doctors misdiagnose me because “If I lost weight ________ would go away”. I have normal aches and pains and people immediately say “Well if you lost weight _______ would go away”. No, what I have are injuries from lifting heavy objects for years, twisting while I did it. I’ve had ultrasound techs try to find my baby down by my vagina and then tell me they can’t see through my stomach. Perhaps if they had looked at my stomach where every other woman carries her baby they wouldn’t have had a problem. I once had to go to get a bone scan done (for approval to get Bariatric surgery done). I was sent to a clinic that had the equipment to do the scan (ON MY ARM) but they said their table couldn’t hold me. The irony was being sent there so I could have weight-loss surgery.  

I had an anesthetist once tell me (IN THE BARIATRIC PROGRAM) that I wasn’t the biggest patient that she had ever worked on, but that I was up there. Can you imagine if someone said that to you? I was already in an extremely stressful mental state because I was seeing her for a pre-op apt for gastric bypass. And not only that to prepare for the surgery I was on a liquid diet and hadn’t eaten any real food in almost a MONTH! I left the hospital in tears. I was literally doing everything I could (including being willing to alter my internal organs) so I could gain some semblance of a place in society and this woman couldn’t have to decency to treat me like any other patient.

I was recently at a party and there was a couple built similarly to my husband and I (pic of us). We chose our seats at the dinner fairly early on.

1.       Out of the way of anyone having to walk past

2.       A straight exit in and out of the seats

3.       Sturdy chairs (not folding ones)

4.       Sit at the end and the back so others can join but they don’t have to squeeze past you

The other couple eventually made their way over to the same table we were at and I jokingly said “We know what seats to grab! People like us just can’t trust the little chairs”. The look this woman gave me was hilarious! Either in that moment she decided she loved me, or she hated me with a passion. I’ll never know though so I’m not worried. As dinner progressed I mentioned that I had had gastric bypass and she actually said ‘Oh, I’m sorry to hear that’, I was stunned! I have never regretted my decision to do this (okay, maybe a hint of melancholy when it comes to buffets and Disney trips) but for 99.9% of the time I am so beyond happy I made this choice. I AM happier, I AM healthier. But that doesn’t mean that society accepts me. I’m still fat. I’m still being judged and I cannot for the life of me figure out how to NOT CARE! I mean, I have a wonderful husband, kids, home and friends! But I don’t feel like I deserve to have those things, and that any moment those things can and will be ripped away from me.

I feel uneducated

I feel undesired

I feel unworthy

I feel ugly

I feel useless

I feel unappreciated

The body positive movement is so much more than just trying to get people to “get off our backs”. It’s about standing up for ourselves and saying, you know what? We deserve to exist! We deserve to be loved! We deserve to be educated, cared for and clothed just like the rest of society. Human beings come in all shapes and sizes but people can’t seem to get over the fact that they have no right (NO RIGHT WHATSOEVER) to comment on the size, shape or gender of another human being. In fact if you line up 10 women who all weigh the same thing there will certainly be someone (or several someone��s) who would classify as obese just because of their body “type”. We are not one size fits all and that is why healthcare professionals need to work harder to be more compassionate and not jump to the patient’s weight at each appt. I have bones, muscles, sinew and blood just like you and I am NOT an object to be ridiculed, laughed at or judged. I deserve to be happy just like everyone else and no one has the right to make me feel this way. Thankfully I found an amazing family doctor who treats me like a person. Does she care about me getting healthier, YES! Is my weight the first or only thing she brings up at appts? NO! And that is because I am a human being.

I am more than a number on the scale.

My thyroid disorder went undiagnosed for 15 years because doctors just blamed my weight. My anxiety and depression went undiagnosed and treated and I was told to “go for a walk – lose weight – drink more water”.

I struggle every day with acceptance. I can’t take a compliment, I can’t trust what people are saying because I think they might just be trying to “be nice” and I seek constant reassurance from those around me. I also have to be in control of situations because I can control possible embarrassments, avoid uncomfortable situations and even better I set up parties with my own needs in mind. Aisle depth, seat type and styles, washroom size, room to move around/pass by?  I have extreme social anxiety because people will look me up and down, they might whisper about me, or talk about me when I leave. I will avoid any situation where I can’t control my own comfort.

I’ve had kids comment (no parental correction) and I’ve got reprimanded at work for wearing pants that weren’t the same as everyone else’s. (even though I tried to explain that I was unable to find pants that would fit me that would match what the company wanted and I what I could find was as close as I could get).

The body positive movement is meant to bring awareness to the prejudice against people who are overweight. From employment, travel and healthcare all the way to schools, fashion and restaurants. We want to be loved, desired, and accepted for who we are (whether or not we are trying to lose weight or not). We want to be treated fairly and with dignity in all aspects of society.

We aren’t saying that Obesity is healthy.

We are not glorifying obesity.

We are not saying that you can just get fat and it will be okay.

What we are saying that Obesity exists, and that treating those living with it as though they are less deserving of happiness that the rest of society is fundamentally wrong. That we can and should be doing better to help those living with it feel accepted, happy, and a part of society. If we can change this way of thinking perhaps there would be less obese people in the future because they won’t grow up with the same mind set I and countless generations have.  

It can’t hurt to try.

 -          L

[willofhounds]

Reach for the light ch1 and link to other chapter

Oliver's POV

He stood staring out over the city he once called home. It had been five years since he left the college at 16 almost 17 and joined the CIA. They recruited him right there in college. Not because of his name. But for the talent he his behind his playboy placad.

A placad he was having trouble putting back up. Years in Tam Quan had taken its toll. A leader of the most insane bunch of killers the world would never know about.

The group dismantled and those not murderous sent back into the world. At least those who didn't stay with the agency. Oliver for his part couldn't find it in himself to stay. As much as he loved Alex and Echo he couldn't.

Both men had been alphas who looked after him once he joined the agency. As one of the few omegas male or female in the agency he had to watched.

No one thought an omega could make it in Medusa. The terrible black ops group that killed and went on insane missions. Yet he had. Not only had he survived the group. He thrived in it. Becoming Delta of century team 12.

A team that had been known for doing the impossible. Their leader taking out any who stood in his way. The only one he would listen to would be Echo. His second and trusted advisor.

Now he was back in Starling City. During his time away he had heard about Sarah's disappearance two years after his own. Only recently had she been found. Out on an old Chinese island called Lian Yu. Her disappearance set right before his entry into Medusa. Now she too had returned. From what he understood she was different. Made him wonder if she was like him.

A sound behind him made him whirl around. Looking for anything or anyone that could be a threat. Instead he saw the brown haired doctor. His hazel eyes searching Oliver's grey ones.

The man asked softly his hands extended palms up," Do you remember me, Mr. Queen?"

Oliver did remember him. Those in Medusa who had been allowed to return to their old lives were assigned a doctor. More specifically a psychiatrist. Someone who would make sure of their mental health and take care of any problems.

His doctor was Morris Panov. An omega male like himself. From what Alex had told him this man could be trusted. That Alex went to him himself for someone to talk to.

Something he had learned from the doctor was that omega psychiatrists were allowed to learn a technique. One that would give them an edge over an alpha patient. Or just one prone to violence. By most countries laws though the doctor could only use it on a patient. Or in extreme cases non patients when there was no other option. It was called gentle mind.

A technique that calmed the patients mind into a trance like state. They were still very aware of what was happening around them. Though reactions would be delayed and non violent. Thankfully he had not had such a technique used on him. Just warned that it was a possibility.

Finally he answered the man that he didn't trust," I remember you doctor. What's the verdict?"

A voice said from behind the doctor causing Oliver to startle violently," Ten percent of your body mainly chest area is covered in scar tissue. At least four broken bones that haven't healed correctly. If I didn't know any better Mr. Queen I would say you fought in a war."

He watched the new man with greying brown hair walk in. He wore a white lab coat. His movements were slow as if approaching a skittish animal.

Oliver didn't answer him. Just watched the man warily. Trust didn't come easily to him anymore. Even though he knew this man from his childhood he didn't trust him.

With a sigh the man said going back towards the door," There is someone who would like to see you. I'm sure the feeling is mutual."

When the man opened the door he saw his mother. Her dirty blond hair and green eyes met his own grey eyes. She stepped towards him and instinctively he took a step back from her. Though one set of instincts wanted him to run at her. The other set born from his time in Medusa told him to push her away. That she wouldn't accept what he had become.

Panov got between them and said in a calming voice," Easy now, Mr. Queen. Take a deep breath," Oliver did so. Feeling his heart that he didn't know had been racing slow," Mrs. Queen I am Doctor Morris Panov. Currently I am assigned to your son for reasons I cannot disclose. If you try to approach him it must be done carefully. Or let him come to you."

A dark look crossed Oliver's face as he glared at the doctor. Said doctor only stared calmly back at him. In the doctor's hazel eyes there was acceptance. Whatever he went with Doctor Panov would support him. As long as it didn't hurt anyone.

He then turned back to his mother. Her eyes held hope. Hope that he would come to her. For a moment he wanted to run from the room. Go anywhere else but here. Then it passed.

Oliver took a small tentative step towards her. Then he paused and took another. This continued until he stood before her.

Slowly and unsurely he wrapped his arms around her. The omega instincts took over at that point. Allowing him to relax into her hold as she wrapped her arms around him.

It wasn't long before he pulled away. Unable to allow himself to show such weakness for very long. Panov gave him an approving nod. One of the few the man had given him since they met three days prior.

The rest of the time in the hospital was spent filling out paperwork. When his mother had read through his file she went a deathly pale color. Something that he decided he would investigate later.

An hour later he was released an on his way home. For the first time in seven years he would step foot in the queen mansion. On the outside it had seemed like the mansion hadn't changed at all. It was still larger than they needed. His instincts telling him too many way to get in. Not enough people to protect it. Even century team 12 would have difficulty defending this place in an event of an attack.

When the car stopped Moira was the first to get out. Oliver followed her with Panov on his heels. Their sessions would be held here or at the man's clinic in downtown.

When the driver went to get his bag out of the trunk Oliver stopped him. The bag was full of his Medusa gear. The last thing he needed was them spilling out over the lawn. That would bring many uncomfortable questions that he wasn't ready to answer.

His mother said as they entered the house," Your room is just how you left it. I didn't have the heart to change it once you disappeared."

A dark skinned man appeared from the living room. His scent was that of an alpha. He had dark brown eyes and smile lines over his face. It was that of someone who smiled a lot.

He said holding out his hand," Its damn good to see you Oliver. Who is this?"

Walter that was his name. He worked with Oliver's father before the boat accident. If Oliver remembered correctly the man was the current CFO of the company. He was looking at something over Oliver's shoulder.

Panov said taking the man's hand as he came up next to Oliver," Morris Panov. I'm the psychiatrist assigned to Mr. Queen."

Walter frowned as he asked," Why does Oliver need a doctor?"

The younger blond tensed. Not looking at any of them as Panov replied," He has been through many hardships over the last seven years. I'm just here to make sure he adjusts. Its up to him if he tells you what

happened."

He felt gratitude towards the doctor. Honestly he half expected the msn to tell them everything. Instead he left it to Oliver about what he wanted them to know.

A voice that he hadn't heard for years said from above him," Mom..."

He looked up a smile on crossed his face. It was a true smile. Not the fake ones he had given everyone else. Thea stood looking down at him in shock. He looked down at himself.

He was wearing a black button down shirt with a white undershirt and black cargo pants. On top of his black shirt was his dog tags. The only name on that was Delta. His tags had his callsign and team number.

Thea said her eyes filling with tears," Ollie... you're alive."

Oliver said his smile widening," Thea."

She came running down the stairs. She jumped into arms wrapping her arms around him. For a long moment they just stood there. Then she pulled away from him her brown eyes met his grey ones.

"Your eyes are grey. What happened to them?"

He said softly," Its okay. There's nothing wrong with my eyes, Speedy."

Thea frowned as she said," Worst nickname ever, Ollie."

He snickered quietly. The name was given to her when she followed him and Tommy around. When they pulled apart her eyes found Panov.

Surprise filled her eyes as she said," You are the doctor that opened the clinic downtown."

Panov smiled kindly and said," Yes. I believe we met at the coffee shop down the street from your company."

She nodded. Then eyes widened in realization.

"You're Ollie's doctor."

It was a statement not a question. He wasn't surprised. Thea had always been quick.

Panov nodded as he replied," I am."

His doctor didn't say anything else as they began to taper off into the living room. Oliver excused himself. Making the excuse that he was tired and wanted a nap. His mother explained that dinner would be at six. She also said that Tommy would be there. His best friend before his recruitment. Excitement and fear filled him. He didn't know if he wanted to see the slightly older man.

Panov gave him a knowing look but didn't say anything. The man knew it was too much too soon for the blond. For the moment he would allow Oliver to leave. Though they would have to talk soon. Probably before he left.

When he started up the stairs he was stopped by Raisa. She was a short Russian woman who had taken looked after him since he was small. Her warm onyx eyes met his and gave him a big hug. Telling him how good it was to see him.

He replied in quiet Russian," Its good to see you too Raisa. It's good to be home. But I'm tired and am in need of a nap."

Her shock at hearing her native tongue come so naturally off his tongue was quickly covered up. Before she could respond he was already walking up the stairs. Upon reaching his room he stared at it in shock.

Clothes were everywhere. Typical of a teenager. When his mother said she hadn't changed anything she meant it. Before his nap he would have to clean this up. His training dictated it. With a sigh he began to pick things up.

Morris' POV

His hazel eyes watched the twenty three year old leave the room. When Alex had told him about the killer from Medusa he had not believed it. How could some one so young be that good? In his mind it wasn't conceivable. Yet when they were introduced just three days ago he was proven wrong.

Flashback

Morris Panov was sitting behind his desk when Alexander Conklin both a patient and a friend barged in. Alex dragged a young man with dirty blond hair and grey eyes behind him. Even with his useless right leg the man was powerful. The younger it seemed had long since given up the fight.

Morris greeted with a smile," Alex I didn't expect you for our first session for another week. I'm still getting the new clinic ready."

Alex replied after pushing the younger man into a chair in front of the desk," Sorry about the unplanned visit, Mo. If I tried to plan this Delta here would have taken off on me. Again."

The last word was directed at the younger man. The blond couldn't have been older than twenty. Yet, Alex had called him Delta. Delta meant the younger was part of the Medusa program.

With that realization Morris took a closer look at the man. He was of a good height. Roughly six feet tall. His blond hair was shaggy and in need of a good cut. While he was thin it wasn't life threateningly so.

What worried Morris was the man's eyes. They were a cold grey color. Something seen in the worst of killers and those who had seen too much war. There was something else in them. Some thing that took a minute for the doctor to place. A sense of loss. Like the man had lost everything he held dear to him.

Softly so not to startle the younger man asked," What's your name young man?"

The grey eyes looked at him blankly as he replied in a monotone," Delta of century team 12."

Alex sighed and rubbed a hand across his face as he said," He's been in too long, Mo. I've been trying to drag out the more human side of him since the op was disbanded."

Medusa or the op as Alex called it. A hell hole for the insane was a better description. What had this man done to deserve such a punishment? He was little more than a teenager. At least he would be if one took away the killer's eyes.

Morris asked," What do you want me to do Alex? My first impression is he needs to stay in a clinic full time. Until we can ascertain that he's not a danger to anyone."

The grey eyes turned to him. This time there was a fierce glare in them. That's when he remembered what he had heard. Out of all twenty operative teams century team 12 was the most well known. Even in his circles most of the high ranking doctors had talked of them. That if the agency needed something done then they called in that team. More specifically they called in the leader Delta.

This man was Delta? At first his mind couldn't believe it. Then again some things could only be pulled off by a youth.

The man said this time there was life in his voice," Try and keep me here. I dare you. I will kill everyone in here to get out of here if necessary."

Morris Panov cocked his head to the side as he asked," What if I asked gave you a choice?"

Grey eyes sparked with curiosity and for the briefest moment there was just a hint of blue. Now he knew why this man seemed familiar. It was not because of his callsign or any other ridiculous CIA thing. It was because of where his clinic was placed. He was in Starling City and this man was well known. If in different circles than he by everyone.

The missing Queen scion. Who had been missing for almost seven years. What had Alex done?

End of flashback

Morris was pulled out of his thoughts by a question," Is there anything we can do to help, Oliver, doctor?"

Morris sighed as he learned forward looking at the elder Queen. She was a doting mother from what he could tell. Though like Oliver Queen she had her secrets. He wondered if she knew her daughter was into drugs. Probably not or was avoiding the truth. Both scenarios were possible.

When he spoke it was in his soft toned voice when dealing with an anxious paitent," He will need to have sessions with me. At least three times a week. For your own safety I must ask that you do not try to wake him from a nightmare. Or try to pull him out of a flashback. He tends to react violently. So long as he is not touched he will not hurt anyone."

So far only Alex had been able to touch him. Mainly it was due to his prior experience with the omega. The man knew him. Had known him for years.

Moira Queen looked at him in disbelief. Sighing he continued," There are things I can't tell you. Did you see the necklace that your son was wearing?"

He saw the confusion then recognition. She recognized that he was wearing dog tags. Only the military wore those. She covered her mouth in horror.

She asked," What happened to him? How did he get in the military?"

Shaking his head Morris said," Even I don't know that. He hasn't told me much yet. I only know what's in his file."

It wasn't much either. Alex must have known who Delta was. Or David Webb as Alex called him.

Walter Steele said trying to comfort his wife," We won't. Do you have a number we can reach you at? Just in case."

Morris pulled out a card and wrote out his personal number on the back. That way they had both his numbers in case of something happening. When they took the numbers and nodded.

He would stay for dinner but that was it. For the moment they didn't trust him. Hopefully they would be begin to trust him after awhile.

Oliver's POV

It was just before dinner he stood at in the fiorer. In the back of his mind he sensed Morris Panov's eyes on him. Watching his every move but not interfering. He was looking at one of the last pictures of him and his father. They were standing on pier ready to fish. His eyes were blue in that picture. Not the grey eyes he currently bore.

A voice said from behind him," Oliver, dear God it's you."

It was only the fact that it was a familiar voice kept him from flinching. Slowly he turned to face a black haired man. Tommy Merlyn stood in front of the door. His eyes were blue eyes watching Oliver.

Oliver's lips upturned slightly in a smile as he said," Tommy Merlyn. It has been long time."

Tommy's eyes landed on his dog tags curiosity sparking in them. No doubt he wanted to know where they come from. Then he looked guilty as he looked behind him.

He said guilt lacing his tone," They insisted on coming once they heard you were back."

Curiosity peaked he nodded to Tommy and the other stepped aside. This allowed him to see who had come. The first he had somewhat expected. They had been dating before he left. To him it wasn't serious and never could be. As she was a beta and he was an omega. Meaning he couldn't get her pregnant but he could.

It was Laurel Lance. She was wearing a red dress that was nice but not over bearing. She was wearing a necklace. One that he had guessed by the looks of guilt on both her and Tommy's face that Tommy had given it her. He felt happiness for them. Then a tinge of sadness remembering the love he had lost.

Shaking his head of those dark thoughts he greeted," Laurel it is good to see you."

She returned the greeting with a smile," It's good to see you too Oliver. Where have you been?"

The question that everyone wanted to know. Yet he didn't want to answer. It painful memory of a time and place he wished to forget. Even speaking its name would bring back the horrors of what he had done.

What had his doctor said? "Tell them when you are ready. Make no mistake you will have to tell them eventually but only when you are ready."

As much as the man confused him he accepted the others words. Panov meant him no harm it seemed. While Oliver didn't trust him he did respect him somewhat.

He said sighing," I've been a little of everywhere. Where exactly I don't feel like sharing."

Likely he never would. Instead the doctor would make him tell them. Still some time is better than no time at all.

As they moved aside a familiar man walked in. While he expected Laurel he didn't truly expect Malcolm Tommy's father to walk in. The man who had blue eyes so similar to his own before Medusa. He didnt miss their similarities but then again he had grown up with the man.

Malcolm's eyes flickered to where Panov stood. Surprise shot across them before it was hidden behind his mask.

The man greeted warmly," Olivier it is good to have you back safe and sound."

Sound was a bit of a stretch. Not that he was going to tell the older Merlyn that.

Still he replied with a similar greeting," It is good to see you too, Mr. Merlyn."

The man took a step towards him the alpha pheromones coming off of him. While Tommy was an alpha he didn't give off such a powerful presence. Malcolm was unique like that. Oliver could sense the power behind the man. Hidden just behind his mask. Malcolm Merlyn would have made a good Delta in Medusa.

He said watching Oliver carefully," Please Oliver call me Malcolm."

Oliver nodded but before anything else could be said dinner was ready. His mother sat at the left of the head of the table. Walter sat at the head his eyes watching them carefully. Thea sat next to their mother. Next to her was Tommy. Malcolm was the last to sit on that side.

On the other side of the table was Morris Panov was sat to the right Walter. Laurel sat next to the doctor her curiosity had not faded at all. Oliver sat across from Malcolm.

The food was a heavy Asian style meal. One that Oliver had loved before his time in Medusa. Now he wasn't sure if his stomach could handle it. For most of the last five years he had been on field rations. Light food meant to fill one quickly.

So he picked at the food. As he suspected the main meal itself unsettled his stomach. The vegetables that came on the side were enough though.

As he ate he could feel Panov eyes knowingly on him. Another pair of eyes were on him. Ones that were not the knowing ones of the doctor.

Discreetly he glanced up to find Malcolm's eyes on him. They were ice blue eyes that held a measure of warmth. Something he hadn't received from the man before.

Thea asked suddenly," What was it like being gone for seven years? Where you lived?"

Oliver froze. Telling them nothing wouldn't help. Even the doctor had yet to get an answer from him.

With a glazed look in his eyes he replied," The first two years were heaven. I met someone. Someone I thought I would spend the rest of my life with."

His thoughts went to the hazel eyed woman named Irene. They had met when he first moved to Taiwan. A local that offered to show him the area. At first it was just her teaching him the area and the culture. Then one day he asked her on a date. She agreed.

A warm calm voice asked," What happened, Mr. Queen? Why were only two years not seven the happiest time for you?"

The voice knew. It had to know that the love of his life had been killed. Killed by a rogue fighter along with the child they had just adopted. He had found them just a few minutes after it had happened. Both of their bodies floating in the river on the backside of their property.

He was shaking. He knew he was shaking but couldn't stop it. A hand on his shoulder brought back instincts to kill. This area was not safe. He had to find Echo and get the hell out of here.

He grabbed at the arm twisting it painfully into a lock. The person it belonged to let out a pained cry. To which he ignored. Already gaining his feet without releasing the arm he kicked the person.

It was blocked and a mad battle began. His left hand struck out at a tall man's throat. He was about an inch taller than Delta. To the Medusan's surprise he wasn't that bad of a fighter. Someone had trained him. Just as the Monk had trained Delta.

Delta struck hard and fast. Aiming to incapacitate rather than kill. He had to get out of here. To kill everyone who stood in his way if necessary.

A well placed strike to his jaw from the other person made his head spin. While he was trying to clear his head he went on the defensive. Whoever this person was. They were good.

A command that he was familiar with was shouted," Delta! Stop!"

Delta obeyed only because he knew the man. The doctor that was trusted by Alexander Conklin. Like Delta the other combatant stopped. Slowly the fog around his mind faded and he remembered where he was.

Queen mansion at a dinner with his family. It was only his first day back. Looking up he saw that inquisitive blue eyes watching him. The same blue eyes that belonged to Malcolm Merlyn. Well shit!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15060740

Oliver Queen never went to the island. Instead he disappeared at sixteen into a program few knew about. When he returns he is a different man colder darker. When it is revealed that the man who he thought was his father isn't things are turned on their head.

[anpanbts]

BTS reaction to you thinking you are a nuisance for them due to an op

Request from @petalskook:

Hello! I do not know if the orders are open, if so I can (if not just ignore this) request a reaction from BTS when his girlfriend has to be operated on and she worries because she does not want to be a nuisance for him because there is no No one to take care of her. I hope you understand TnT XOXO 🤗😗

Namjoon

"An operation?"

As soon as you told Namjoon about you needing an operation, he began to panick.

"I am so sorry, babe.. Can I help you somehow?" he embraced you in a hug and rubbed your back while telling you that everything is going to be alright.

"It's okay.. don't worry too much about it."

Nervously you bit your lip. Their comeback is in one month and you don't want to bother him any further with your problems.

"It's not a big deal," you loosened your grip on him, signalling him to let go of you.

"Not a big deal? Are you kidding me?" he grabbed you by your shoulders and held you at one arm length away from him. You avoided his gaze and looked onto the floor and mumbled, "I just don't want to be a nuisance for you. I mean the comback is-"

Namjoon didn't let you finish your sentence and softly took your chin between his fingers, "Look at me, Y/N."

You did as his caring voice told you and looked up to him.

"You aren't a nuisance for me. You will never be," he stepped closer to you and cupped your cheeks with his palms and kissed you shortly after. "I will be there for you. We will go through this together. Alright, jagiya?"

Seokjin

After the management told him that you are laying in the hospital, Seokjin rushed over to you as quickly as possible. When your boyfriend entered the room where you were lying, he gave you a consoling smile to calm down your nerves and let himself drop onto the chair next to your bed. He took your hands in his and asked why you are in the hospital.

"Well, uhm.. I don't know what happened exactly but the doctor said that.." you paused, wondering whether you should tell him about the operation. He seemed pretty stressed during the last weeks and you didn't want to be the reason to push this further.

"What did he say?“ Seokjin caressed the back of your hands with his thumbs while looking worriedly at you.

You took a deep breath and looked into his eyes, "I need to get an operation."

After a few seconds of silence you added, "But don't worry. I can take care of myself. You don't need to check on me."

His shocked expression was soon replaced with laughter when you mentioned he didn't need to look after you. "What do you mean by that? Of course I will check on my precious girlfriend."

"But I don't want to stress you any further," you complained and looked shyly away.

"Stress me? I would be more stressed if I wouldn't know whether you are fine. Y/N, you are my first priority and that will never change."

Yoongi

After the doctor told you about you needing to get an operation you decided it would be the best, not to tell Yoongi. He was busy producing their new album and because distraction is the least thing he needed, you explained him that you must stay a few days longer in hospital due to some final examinations.

Not quite believing your words, Yoongi asked the doctor in the hallway on why you needed to stay longer than necessary. When he told him that you need to get an operation as soon as possible, he clenched his fists tightly around the flowers he bought for you before coming to see you in the hospital. He mumbled a small, "Thank you" to the doctor before walking to your room.

Yoongi stormed in without a warning and threw the bouquet on your bed. You sat up straight, noticing his anger and waited patiently for him to speak up.

He dropped onto the chair next to your bed and looked onto the floor, "When did you plan to tell me?" he scoffed slightly.

His anger soon turned into sadness as he said with a trembling voice, "Why didn't you tell me the truth? Don't you trust me?" Yoongi now met your eyes that were filled with tears of regret.

"I am so sorry. I thought it would be the best not to tell you.. You can't afford being distracted by me right now."

When Yoongi heard the reason of why you hid it from him, he stood up and laid down beside you. You began crying when he took you in his embrace and whispered endless words of apologies' in his ear.

"Silly you. You would never bother me with that. Your problems are also mine so stop apologising," he kissed your forehead and caressed your cheek with his thumb, "You are more important than anything else."

Hoseok

Your boyfriend requested multiple times to finally visit you in hospital but whenever he asked you, you turned him down and said you have no time due to tests and scans. These were all blunt lies, of course, but you didn’t want to be a nuisance fo him and the rest of BTS.

Hoseok was sick of getting rejected by you and decided to pay you a visit on his own. When he entered your room and saw you working on your laptop, many wrinkles appeared on his forehead.

“Y/N.. Why are you here?”

His voice shook you out of your thoughts and you nearly let your laptop drop because you didn’t expect him to visit you.

“I thought I can’t visit you because you need to do some more examinations before the operation,” the smile on Hoseok’s lips faded. He just didn’t understand why you would lie to him.

“Hobi..” you put your laptop aside, lifted the blanket and slowly stood up. You winced at the pain and Hoseok was fast by your side to guide you back to your bed and tell you to be more careful.

“I am sorry that I always put you off.. It’s just that I don’t want you to get distracted because of me,” you bit your lower lip and laid your head on Hoseok’s shoulder.

“Don’t worry about me. I will definitely visit you, now that I know you haven’t got any examinations,” he sat next to you in silence and began to softly stroke your hair.

“But you indeed are a distraction for me,” he smiled mischievously and added, “A pleasant one though.”

Jimin

Jimin was shocked when you told him you needed to get an operation soon and pampered you more than ever before. He always made sure that you have everything you needed and was the best boyfriend you could wish for. But soon, worries began to occupy your mind because you didn't want Jimin to neglect his practices to stay by your side even though you haven't been operated yet. How far would he go once you are tied to the bed for many days after your operation? 

You definitely needed to talk to him about this matter so you waited for him to visit you after dance practice. Jimin knocked at your door and opened it slighty.

"Can I come in? I came a bit earlier because I wanted to see you, babe," he smiled widely when he entered the room but it faded as soon as he saw the sad expression that covered your face.

"What's wrong?" with quick steps Jimin closed the space between you two and sat down onto the bed, "Did something happen?"

"No. It's just that I don't want you to skip your work because of me. I don't want to be a nuisance for you.." you whispered while fidgeting with your fingers, "I can take care of myself. You should concentrate on your work."

"How would I concentrate myself when all my thoughts are cruising around my beautiful girfriend lying in the hospital?" Jimin complained before smiling lightly at you, "I promise you that I won't skip my practices from now on but I will definitely come to see you every free minute I have."

Taehyung

“Do you need anything else, jagiya?”

“No, thank you. I’m fine, Tae,” you watched him grab the bag of dirty laundry so he could wash it while you were lying in hospital.

“Tomorrow I will bring you some fresh clothes, alright?” Taehyung walked over to you, leaned down and kissed your forehead. Before he could walk out of your room, you grabbed Taehyung’s wrist to stop him.

“What’s wrong? Do you want me to stay longer?” he gave you his boxy smile that never failed to make you laugh and let your bag drop onto the floor before embracing you in a tight hug.

“No. I mean yes but I feel like I cause you so much inconveniences,” you freed yourself from his hug to look into his eyes, “You do so much for me even though you are so busy with work. I don’t want to stress you even more.”

“Y/N.. I like taking care of you. Now I can return a bit of what you always do for me,” his right hand moved up to your face and cupped your cheek. Taehyung circled his thumb over the soft flesh of your skin and watched you with loving eyes.

“But I don’t do anything special,” you replied quietly.

Taehyung peppered soft kisses all over your face, “All the days you cleaned our home and made us food. All the nights you waited for me to come home after practices. All the beautiful moments we had together. Do you think I take them for granted?”

“Y/N. I will take care of you whenever and however I can. So please let me shower you with all my love, will you?”

Jungkook

“What do you mean by you won’t go on tour with the others?”

Jungkook’s announcement made you quite puzzled. Why wouldn’t he go on tour with them?

“No, you get me wrong. Of course, I will go on tour but I will take the plane two weeks later. I can’t let our ARMYs down,” Jungkook laughed amused when he saw the surprise in your face.

“But why are you doing this? The boys need you. Don’t be so irresponsible,” the more your boyfriend spoke, the more bigger your confusion got about what he had just said.

“You need me more, baby. After your op you have nobody to take care of you,” Jungkook dropped down next to you and put his arm around your waist, “I will make sure to feed you up before I leave on tour.”

“Are you being serious? You can’t do that. I don’t want to be a nuisance for you. I can manage it by myself but thanks for your help though,” you smiled shyly after explaining Jungkook that he should go with the others.

“Well, this wasn’t a question, my dear. I will be there for you and don’t try to change my mind. It’s pointless,” he chuckled lightly and stroke his hand through his hair, “Namjoon hyung told me it’s okay as long as I am in Tokyo by 25th.”

“Do you know how stupid you are?” you sighed because there was no way to change his stubborn mind.

“Do you know how wonderful you are and that I love you more than anything else?”

Notes: Please let me know, whether you prefer reactions that have the style of writing I'm currently using (p.e. Namjoon was shocked when you told him about your operation. He circled his thumbs over the back of your hand to console you.) or this (p.e. I think Namjoon would be pretty shocked once you told him about your imminent operation. He would try to console you as best as he could.)

Masterlist

[kriscynical]

Post-op Visit Report

I forgot to write about this because things are busy because Christmas.

My post-op appointment was this past Wednesday and even though I was scheduled to see only Dr. Even’s assistant, Ambrosia, I ended up getting to see Dr. Even himself along with his other assistant, Carrie, who had also been with him during my consult visit. 

This got long, but it should be the last really lengthy post I have to make on this subject.

He took a look at my incision and said it looked awesome and that the skin was completely closed, so I could “hot tub it up” if I wanted to, I can submerge it without any problems. I have to wait another three weeks before getting any chiropractic adjustments, though, because things are still healing on the inside. 

I described the issues I’ve been having with my right leg, the numbness, the pain, the improvement I’ve seen concerning the pain, and my ankle swelling up repeatedly. I told him what I suspected was happening and showed him the brace I bought, and he agreed that’s most likely what’s happening in which case the brace is great, thumbs up. Otherwise the numbness and pain are normal and caused by the nerve healing.

I already knew this from my past experience with numbness back in 2009, but he told me it’ll take months for the numbness to go away completely. He said nerves heal themselves at about 1mm per month, so if you have a centimeter of damage it will take roughly 10 months to repair itself. Once the pain goes away completely it’ll mean “the nerve is happy”. He gave me a little more detail of what he saw once he was actually in my back, too.

He said when he lifted the nerve away from the herniation, it was pretty ugly. He demonstrated by rubbing the underside of his index finger, saying “That disc was just rubbing and rubbing and rubbing and rubbing against that nerve, so it was very VERY irritated and so bruised it was black.” so yes it’s going to take quite a while for that to heal. Some people actually have a hole worn through their nerve from herniations and I was lucky because I was apparently pretty damn close to it happening. 

After he informed me that he would be sending a brief report to my primary care physician, Dr. Rodgers, telling him I had X surgery done on X date, X was the reason and X was the outcome, I also told him about what happened with Dr. Rodgers concerning my post-op pain medication. 

I only mentioned it briefly on my blog, but the Cliffnotes version is when I went to put in for my monthly refill on my pain meds Rodgers refused and at first said (via the nurse) that he was never going to fill it again because my records showed that I had gotten it from another provider (”...from a Dr. Even?”) in addition to him. I told the nurse that Dr. Even was a surgeon and I’d been prescribed the medication because I had back surgery so it was a one-time thing, and upon relaying that he relented and said he’d refill it after an additional two week delay (thus leaving me high and dry for two weeks when I was ONE WEEK post-op!). He also lectured me via email about how I wasn’t supposed to get narcotic pain meds from more than one provider at a time because the regulators “frown upon that”, that it was my “responsibility” to inform all of my doctors that I already have a script for narcotics from him, the dosage Dr. Even told me to take exceeded the recommended maximum dosage, etc.

As if I was supposed to magically know all of that. Since I’m a doctor and all.

I had to explain to him that yes, I DID discuss that script with Dr. Even extensively at my surgical consult including what I was taking it for, and that for accepting the post-op script and taking the dosage as prescribed I was just doing what I was told because I assumed a doctor would have a better understanding of all that stuff than I would as a patient. That and, you know... I HAD BACK SURGERY. I kind of needed extra pain medication after that? And I don’t know why he acted like that, anyway. I’ve had that script for 17 years now in one quantity or another and I have never ONCE abused it or tried to double dip. Ever. God forbid I have spinal surgery and expect it to be okay to take pain medication afterwords! 

So I described all of that to Dr. Even and he gave me this look like I had three heads before saying “Ooooookaaaaaay... that’s kind of... weird. I guess instead of the brief I should send him the full op report along with a personal note saying ‘Yeah... so I cut open her back and yanked a piece of her spine out, so I gave her pain medicine’. Come on, seriously?”

I agree, Dr. Even, I agree. It sounds ridiculous to me, too. Apparently I was just supposed to go without because the Texas state legislature “frowns upon that”. Fuck the Texas state legislature. Let them get back surgery and see if they still “frown upon that”.  

Am I bitter about that? Slightly. I have no idea if Rodgers was just having a bad day or what, because his tone took me aback. He’s NEVER talked to me that way, and I’ve been seeing him for almost 20 years. He’s usually a big teddy bear and pretty laid back about pain medication when it comes to patients who take them responsibly like I always have. 

But anyway.

Dr. Even was happy to see that I was doing so well overall, and Carrie said that I looked like a completely different person from the last time she’d seen me. I told him that I was so happy the pain was gone that when I came out of anesthesia I cried. He said that’s why he became a back surgeon, and my mom told him I’d been blessing him just about every day since the surgery. To which he turned to me and said “That’s fantastic! Tell your friends. :D” 

He also asked if I felt like I needed any physical therapy for limb and joint strengthening and I told him no, not really, because while I’ve had the numbness and pain in my leg I haven’t lost any strength or mobility in it. The muscles going up the back of my thigh feel tight, but I’ve been trying to stretch them. He agreed that therapy wasn’t needed, then. My mom asked if walking would be good therapy for it, he said yes, then I told him we were going to WDW next month and he said “Oh yeah, that’ll absolutely be good therapy. That’s a LOT of walking. Just don’t ride Space Mountain, okay?”

Apparently he’s had patients get herniated discs in their necks from that ride. I will never ride it again. lol

After everything was said and done he shook my hand and told me he was happy to have been able to give me relief and fix my back, and that his door was always open if I ever feel the need to come back or if something else happens. Otherwise I don’t need to come back again, have a great Christmas.

I’m sure as hell going to try to.

[luffysmeat]

Two years, six months

A/N: Don’t you guys love when I say “I’ll try to make the next one shorter” or “I’ll be posting it tomorrow/tonight/tosometime”? Because I DON’T. Anyway, this is the last fanfic scenario of this pregnant series! Yayayayay, I am actually really happy with the result and I’m glad you guys are too! And that the anoncakes that asked for them said that they’re enjoying, ah. Life goals. I hope you enjoy this one too! It’s 2:57 am so I’m not making a proof-reading. i’m lazy af, sorry!

DISCLAIMER (and, due to disclaimer, SPOILERS): this is totally headcanon, i don’t know if Law can actually inherit his childhood’ illnes to his offspring, because of the Ope Ope no Mi and all of that, but I live for DRAMA and ANGST, guys, so OF COURSE HE CAN HERE! Again, this is totallty HEADCANON~ ♥

Words: 2,477 (under the cut for OBVIAS RAZONES)

“Ah, it’s [Name]-chan!”, Bepo squeaked as soon as your feet landed on the ship’s deck; he quickly ran to you and wrapped his arms around you, nuzzling your cheek with his fluffy one. “Where were yooouuuuu?!”

“I’m back~”, you giggled, breathing heavily and sweating a little as you pressed the package close to your chest with one arm, the other wrapped around Bepo. You felt someone rustling your hair as Bepo kept crying. 

“We were worried”, Penguin said as he neared you, meaning that the one rustling your hair was Shachi. “Where have you been? We were leaving without you”, you rolled your eyes, smiling as you kept trapped between Bepo’s arms.

“I went to a special mission”

“Well, Captain is specially angry at you right now”, Shachi said, and you patted Bepo on his back, making him cry harder. 

“It'll be alright”, you said, but then frowned. “I think... Is he in his room?”, they nodded. “Then I’m gonna see him now. Thank you for worrying about me”, they blush and you bowed at them after Bepo let you go. 

You quickly headed to his quaters and once you were right infront of the door, you knocked four times to let him know it was you. One knock for each syllable on “Tra-fal-gar Law”, and you were just slightly surprised when he didn’t answer, of course he would be angry, you entered his room anyway.

“Captain?”, you close the door behind you.

“Where the fuck have you been?”, he asks, his back facing you as he scribbles down in one of his journals, three books open infront of him. You sigh.

“I went to-

“Do you know how worried I was?”, you frown when he puts his pencil down but he doesn’t turn around to see you. You can see his shoulders tensing.

“I only left for a couple of hours, Law”, you try to explain. “You said it was okay if I wanted to buy some things, so I-

“But you didn’t say you were leaving!”, he finally gets up to face you and you flinch a little seeing his angry expression. “Listen, you can’t do whatever you want, whenever you want, [Name]!”, he screams, failing his arms around, he was really angry. “Your decisions affect the rest of the crew and me, why wouldn’t you tell me where were you going?”

“I just thought-

“That’s the problem!”, he interrumpts you again and you just press the package harder against your chest. “You always think only on yourself! You don’t think about the problems your actions may cause or the consequences of your acts!”

“Law!”, you try to speak up. “Let me just explain to you-

“No! I don’t want you to explain anything to me!”, he rubs his face with his hands. “Dammit, [Name]. Sometimes I wish you just leave!”, you widen your eyes. “Sometimes I can’t stand looking at your face and deal with your shit!”, you feel your cheeks starting to heat up and your eyes starting to burn. “Sometimes I wish I had not asked you to be part of my crew”, he finally sighs and doesn’t look back up at you as he sits infront of his desk again. “Tell everyone to not interrumpt me”, he says as he starts to scribble on his notebook again. 

You try to swallow the bump growing on your throat and a strangled noise comes out, Law doesn’t bother to look back as he turns just another page from his book. You nod, even when you know he can’t see you and silently make your way out of his room, you jump seeing Bepo, Shachi and Penguing right infront of you. 

“[Name]-chan”, Bepo whispers and you feel a tear falling down your eyes. 

“Ah! Captain says that he doesn’t want anyone disturbing him”, you say, smiling at them the best you could as more tears keep sliding down your cheeks. “I think I’m gonna go and take a rest, if you don’t mind”, they don’t say a thing. “Excuse me”, you bow and quickly make your way to your room, closing the door behind you. “What do I do know?”, you ask yourself before covering your mouth with your hand to muffle the sound of your sob.

The package pressed on your chest suddenly felt heavier as the little person growing inside your belly. It was only three months, approximately. You placed a hand on top of your tummy, if Law can’t stand looking at your face… how would he stand looking at your child’s face, even if it was his too. You sighed and got up from the floor, placing the package on your bed as you go through your things, looking for something to write and paper and, sitting on the chair infront of your desk, you start to scribble down with shaky hands; tears sometimes ruining your letter, forcing you to start again.

***

“Captain!”, Bepo screams, banging on the door. “Captain! Open the door! Captain, Captain!”, Law jumps awake and growls, dragging the chair back and getting up to open the door.

“I told [Name] to-

“[Name]-san is gone!”, Law growled again, a vein popping on his forehead.

“I clearly told her-

“She’s gone, Captain!”, Bepo repeats, finally crying and shaking Law by the shoulders. “She left! She took a few of her things and- and-

Law widened his eyes and pushed Bepo to the side, running to your room. You left a few things here and there, but your backpack, that you always left in one exact spot, was gone and so where a few things from your wardrobe. You were gone.

“She left something on the bed”, Law jumped a little when he heard a voice behind him, he didn’t recognized it and he didn’t care as he walked to your bed, watching a little packege wrapped in a brown paper and a little note at the side.

Dear Law:

By the time you read this I, hopefully, had left the ship. Don’t bother looking for me. I don’t want to be a burden for anyone… maybe this is a bit sudden, and I definately will regret this decision by the end of the day, but it’s probably the best for the crew, for you and for me, now that I think about it.

Anyway, when we were down town, yesterday, you said you needed this medicine, but since you bought a lot of books you didn’t have enough money to buy it, so, instead, I bought it for you.

I hope it works perfectly, I almost got caught by a few marines and it got a bit shook because of my running. Don’t worry about the marines, I took care of them. 

It was nice to be part of your crew, Law. And it was even nicer to be part of your personal life. You’ll always be my lover. I don’t think I’ll find anyone like you ever again. I still love you and I always will.

Take care, Law.

-Forever yours, [Name]

“Captain…”, he now recognized that sound as Bepo’s voice.

“We’re leaving”, he says, taking the medicine and the letter. 

“But, Cap-

“I said we’re leaving, Bepo”, he closes the door of your room and looks up at his navigator. “Right now”

“… Yes, Captain”.

***

You wake up at the silent crying of your child. Your eyes snapping open as you sat up in bed, he was curled beside you.

“Baby, sweetie, what’s wrong?”, you ask, brushing his bangs out of his forehead to wake him up, and you feel him burning.

“Mommy, it hurts”, he cries, opening his arms and looking up at you, you frown, looking at his redened face and eyes filled with tears. “Mommy”, he makes grabby hands at you. “It hurts and I’m cold”

You pick him up in your arms kissing his burning cheek. He’s going to die. You can’t help but cry a little. You look outside the little window and see the snow falling into the sea, but you know he’s not cold due to the weather. It’s the sickness. This sickness is taking away your child and he’s only two years old. 

No. No, it’s not going to take him away from you. You need to find someone that wants to cure him. This thing is not contagious. You need to find someone. You have to. For him. He’s too young and he has a whole world to see. He’s just a baby.

“I’ll find a doctor, Hikari”, you promise, getting into your coat the best you can with your child between your arms. “I’ll find you a good doctor that will help you feel better, my love”, you cover him up with his blanket and he wraps his arms around your neck, nuzzling in the crook between your shoulder and neck, his little legs around your torso. 

You put on the hoodie of your coat and open the door of your little house, the cold wind making you and Hikari shiver; you close the door again and got a bit scared that it would crumble down. It was too tiny, just a little square being the room-kitchen-bathroom-living room all together and it was too fragile. It maybe will come down soon. You’ll need to find another place to live.

After leaving the Heart Pirates’ crew you stayed in the same island, it was tiny, and the people were nice to you, soon enough you were part of them and they even hid you from the marines. Everyone was exceptionally nice when Hikari was born, but, after he turned one, little white marks started to appear on his face and body, you took him to the Hospital, and you were more than surprised to hear them screaming and saying horrible things at your child.

“A monster! It has the Amber Lead Syndrome! Amber Lead Syndrom!”

Needless to say you beat up everyone around you who said horrible things about your child. You didn’t know what was this illness, but the nice people around you suddenly turned their backs to you and your child, they still loved you both, though, and helped you to build a little house near the beach. 

Sometimes people would come and bring you food and all that kind of things, because they thought they’ll get the infection too. Some other times other people would come to try and kill Hikari, but of course, you were stronger and you’ll live for your child. And you have to live now because you need to find someone to cure Hikari from this. 

“How are you doing, baby?”, you ask, patting his back softly as you walk towards the little boat you bought back in time, just in case. Today was the case. 

“I’m fine, mommy”, he whispers and looks up at you, showing you his bright smile, his brightness not reaching his steel-blue eyes, you smile anyway. 

“Good, baby”, you kiss his forehead. “Why- why don’t you sing with me, hmm?”, he lets out a breathy giggle and nods, leaning into you as you start to sing softly along with him, your arms wrapping tighter around him. 

But where are you going to go? The sea is angry right now, would it have mercy on you and your dying child? And what if they try to kill Hikari again? However you can’t stop your feet, they keep guiding you to your little boat. You touch your side pocket to make sure you have the Log Pose, it is there. Also-

“Mommy”, Hikari stops singing. “Am I going to die?”, your heart contracts at his question and tears start to run down your face. You can’t lose him too.

“I don’t know, baby”, you answer honestly and he sobs. “But I’ll do the best I can to keep you alive, Hikari. You’re my light, Hikari. That’s what your name means, so I’ll not let my light go out. I’ll find you a doctor. I’ll find yo-

Oh God

“Mommy?”, he looks up at you, but you don’t look back at him, you’re too busy looking at the ship. 

“Baby”, you gasp. “Baby, cover your ears, mama is going to yell right now”, he quickly covers his ears and you take in a deep breath. “LAW!- I’m going to run now, baby, hold on tight", Hikari nods and more tears fall down your eyes as you quickly run to that ship right beside your little boat. His ship. "LAW! LAW! LAW PLEASE! I NEED- I NEED YOUR HELP!", the sea is muffling your yelling, but your feet keep running and running and-

“[Name]?”, you jump and turn around. “Is that you?”

“Law”, you whisper and suddenly your world is spinning around two people, one in your arms, shivering and whimpering in pain and the other infront of you, looking at you wide wide eyes. “Law”, you whisper again and get closer to him, and you’re thankful when he doesn’t step back. “Law, oh God, Law, I need your help. I- I don’t know why you’re here, but I need your help, please!”

He looks at your eyes and you feel a shiver running down your spine, he’s looking at you, but then his sight goes lower unitl he’s looking at the little bump curled on your chest.

“Is that-

“Law, I don’t know what’s wrong with him”, you cry, pressing Hikari closer to you. “The doctors here don’t want to help! They call him horrible things, they try to kill him, Law. Please help me”, you uncover Hikari’s hand to show Law the white marks on his skin. “Use your ability, I can’t lose him. He’s my child. He’s-”, Law’s face is a combination of a lot of emotions, but it’s too late when you notice: “He’s your child, Law”

“Shit”, he mumbles. “Shit. Shit. Shit, [Name]!”, he looks desperate, his shoulders and hat getting covered with snow as he walks to one side to the other. “You should’ve told me before you left! Why-

“I don’t care! Just help me, dammit! Can you?!”, Hikari feels havier and you hear his breathing getting wheezy, he’s dying. In your arms, right now. “Law- Law please, he’s my baby. Help him, I’m begging you, I-

“To the ship, [Name]. Now”, he starts to walk towards the ship and you notice his shoulders shaking, and it wasn’t because of the cold. “Hurry! He’s going to die if we don’t hurry!”

“I will not let him die!”, Law looks back at you and he shivers seeing your determination.

“No, you will not”, it’s the only thing he says before wrapping an arm around your shoulder, pushing you.

“Hikari?”, he hums. “Sing to mama, yes?”, he nods and his little weak voice starts to fill your ears as Law pushes you and you try to keep your legs going. 

[hottmessexpresss]

Fever.

Back problems.

These mothafuckin'Kids.

Three days ago, my son woke up sick. He had this look* on his face. An unsettled look. He looked me dead in the eyes, and he started to gag. My eyes widened with horror. My instincts kicked in, and I did what my dad would do when I was growing up. The only sure way to know you have reached another level of parenting: held out my hands cupped together held under his chin. A vomit catch-all, if you will. Maybe it's a kid instict too. He knew* what it meant and what to do. He played and was fine throughout the day. Thank god.

The NEXT day, I developed a decent fever. I felt like my body was ran over by an 18 wheeler. "Greaaaaaaaaaaat!" I thought to myself. I laid on the couch half dead in a pool of my own sweat staring at the clock. Is 7:00 too early for bedtime? My daughter ended up puking ONCE that evening, so i figured it was a 24 hour tummy bug. No other symptoms. No more vomit. Both kids seemed fine. I prayed that I would not fall ill, and that I**wouldn't be sick. Could you imagine? Being sick AND being the mom? Being the house chore manager? Being the post-op surgery home nurse? What the hell would that* be like? Well, my dad has always told me, God must have a sense of humor based on my life being like an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm....and it was a god awful sense of humor, if that.

Yesterday, I was swiffer wet jetting a pool of urine on the floor. I shook my head, did my usual lecture on how only an animal would pee on the floor. How grayson wasn't an animal, and how pee goes INSIDE of the toilet. Not inside his construction cement truck (boys🙄😬). I bent over, and my life flashed before my eyes. BAM. I almost collapsed to the floor. I was sweating and writhing in pain. I couldn't muster up ENOUGH inertia to walk my body forward. My knees started to buckle, and immediate panic set in. Of all times for this to happen, with my luck-- it did (cue Curb Your Enthusiasm theme song). I am damn near 30 years old, and a Swiffer wet jet mop, along with a slight twist and bend movement, put me to the fuckin' floor. Meanwhile, J-Lo who is in her 50's is pole dancing and dancing at a top performance rate for a Superbowl half-time show. And again, here I am, in the same clothes as yesterday, my body getting over a fever, AND NOW pulled my back out of place. I was angry and upset that I have disabled myself.

Of course, Grayson and the baby caught wind of my sudden lack of movement and chaos ensued. Both hanging on my feet, whining and crying and fighting each other to be held. Every second ticked by slowly, as I completely winced and cursed in pain. I huddle by the cat tree. I try to stand and lean onto it and realized..I needed help. But who could help? How?

My husband was at work. Barely 2 weeks post-op from his shoulder replacement. I broke down in tears. My husband has just now been able to shower by himself. He's still in a sling and has very limited movement. What the hell am I going to do? With different parts of our bodies being out of commission, how* could we do this? I reluctantly called him. In tears, I waited 45 minutes before he got to the house. Before he arrived, with a little help from my Grayson, I was able to dress the baby. Grayson picked his clothes out, and got ready all by himself (I was shook). I waddle slowly to my bedroom and grab some socks and my Nike's. Grayson hauled ass into my room like always (because there isba child lock and it's forbidden) kneeled down and helped me put on my socks and shoes. I told him my back was hurting and he told me, "Don't worry mom. I'll fix it!" He lifted my shirt gently, and started to scratch my lower back. The tears were welling up. He got the baby clothes from her drawer (after one attempt), and sang "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" to her as I changed her. I was overwhelmed with many emotions. I was in that moment, proud of Will and I's parenting and how my sweet and sour child, was being sweet and helpful to me.

Will arrives. He's stressed. I'm stressed. I keep apologizing over and over to him. I shove fruit snacks in my jacket. Will raises his voice at me to stop trying to put Grayson into his car seat. We are both frustrated. We are both not feeling it. I get to urgent care and wait for the doctor. He comes in after 10 minutes and says, "Oh? Are you striking a pose for a photo?" My hip is out and I'm leaning against the wall. I laughed. I explained what happened. He felt my hips and lower back. "Oh. Wow......you have HUGE knots all over the place...no wonder!" I held back tears. Then. This man turns to me and has THEE AUDACITY TO ASK ME** "Do you need a doctor's note for work?" I cracked a smile, but also wanted to strangle him right then and there. I explained my husband is two weeks post-op from shoulder replacement surgery, and that I have a 10 month old and a 3 year old at home, and all three are waiting in the car for me. He smiled and said, "I'd reccomend taking it easy, but that's not realistic is it?" He gave me a toradol shot, steroids for the inflammed muscles, muscle relaxers and T3. My anxiety sky-rocketed. I knew how Toradol made me tired. I knew how muscle relaxers obviously*** relax your muscles. T3 makes me groggy. How the fuck am I supposed to function on these AND take care of the kids?

So long gone are the days of being injured or sick and being able to sleep or "relax". So long gone are the days when no one else depended on you to be a fully functional adult during times of illness or injury.

My husband told me to go nap and relax my back. Though I was irriated by having to listen, and fight back the internal urge to pick up the toys on the ground, I obliged. Thinking back to a few months ago, my husband's sciatic caused him to be down and out from work for three days. I sat up in bed thinking of this. No offense to my husband; he works extremely hard and allows me the luxury of staying home with the kids. However, in this moment, I realized I wasn't able to experience the same "luxury" of taking three days off. Being a stay at home mom means, no days off. When youre sick, the world doesn't stop. Your toddlers certainly don't stop. So you, as the mom and house-manager, trudge through it. Because there is no other option or reason. Some are lucky to have family nearby that can cushion some of this blow. But unfortunately, that's not the case here. Instead, I facetimed my mom and cried to her, asking her to tell Grayson to be good for me. It worked (for a while).

I hate sometimes that these types of "problems" often come across as "complaining," but to me, just shows that a Mother's job never ends. We don't get to clock in, and clock out. We don't get paid lunch breaks. Often times I eat standing up, and pee with a rather curious audience (like when Grayson handed me toilet paper and told me to wipe my gina and did a horrendous digging motion with his hands). I don't get uninterrupted breaks. I don't physically see a paycheck deposited into my account.

This morning I woke up and before I got out of bed, I said a little prayer about being able to walk today. Thankfully, I can walk (at least). I made coffee, and waited for the monsters to wake up. I cooked them eggs and toast. I bribed grayson with a fruit snack to help get his sisters walker, and I slowly slowly lifted her in it. Getting her in and out of the crib has been a challenge. Babies want to be held and carried, and do not understand why* their mother isn't picking them up (torture).

I am realizing women are strong. Though I physically feel decrepid, I am appreciative of what women endure on a daily basis. Whether you work or stay home, being a mother is a 24/7 job that often goes without praise or recognition. Instead of binge watching Mad Men, or The Office (for the 56th time) posted up chillin' on meds, I am watching Paw Patrol while my kids nag and cry at my feet. "You should be THANKFUL. YOU HAVE THE BEST JOB IN THE ENTIRE WORLD....and an IMPORTANT ONE IF THAT." Well, Karen. Yes. Yes I do. I am "blessed" and "cursed" by this experience. I am** thankful. However, I am a human being. I am allowed to scowl and huff to myself, "this isn't fair!" While wanting to break down into tears. How dare I feel so selfish?

I am allowed to have bad days. Being a mom doesn't mean I am some bionic robot (though some days it definitely feels like it)

So here I am standing, slouched over the counter trying to rub a tennis ball into my lower back while my toddler screams, "THAT'S MY BAAAAAALLLLLLL MOM." All while my daughter also starts to scream (because her brother is screaming) I can't do anything but count to 10.

"Being a mom means having to choose between eating, showering, or sleeping. You can't do all three in one day" -unknown

Hug a mom, grandma or aunt today [or anyone that has raised you] and give yourself a pat on the back for being a bad ass super mom.

[writingismyhappytime]

Dauntless: Daddy, Dearest (Part 2)

Eric x OC

Warnings; Language, angst

It must have been the look on my face that gave me away.

Max turned to look at me from across the table where plans lay for the new building Erudite wanted to construct. We’d have to move out a lot of factionless in order to tear down the old warehouses and build new ones that are going to house the computer systems.

I didn’t give a shit about that part, though. What I cared about is the fact it’s going to happen across the city and Max wanted me to be the head of it.

“Eric, you look like you want to say something.” Max said after a moment, glancing around the room. Yeah, I knew there was more then just us in here. Four and his bitch girlfriend stood across from me, her face pinched; she didn’t agree with moving the factionless out. Melanie stood beside me, looking bored; she didn’t like being taken away from the armory and polishing her guns. Normally Camille would be in on these types of meetings, but I suddenly figured out why she hadn’t been invited to this one.

“I can’t lead this op.” I said, point blank. Max didn’t look very surprised. “I can’t be across the city right now.”

“Eric ---.”

“No. Camille’ seven months pregnant, she’s already psychotic. Do you really want her rampaging through Dauntless throwing hissy fits and causing riots because you sent me off?” I demanded, narrowing my eyes. “Or do you want Dauntless to burn to the ground?”

Max actually sighed.

Camille’s pregnancy has been a whirlwind from the very beginning. The night she’d told me, I’d had to leave for rescue mission, to retrieve a member of Dauntless who’d been held hostage by some factionless.

I’d voted we let them have him, but everyone else said otherwise. I’d been more worried about what would happen if I died on that mission then any other I’d ever gone on; I didn’t want to leave Camille on her own with a baby. She had enough baggage, she didn’t need me dying on her.

I’d almost missed her first doctors appointment with the baby because I’d been on a mission for Max, and still she throws that up in my face when she’s mad enough. If I bailed on her in the last two months of her pregnancy, she’d skin me alive.

So no, I’m not going on any mission, I’m not leading any fucking ops. Max could assign someone else, my girlfriend and our child take top priority right now. I intended to lead Dauntless one day, but I also intended on having someone at my side as I did it.

Max wouldn’t understand, he’d never knocked anyone up or had that responsibility on him. 

But I did. I had to handle this my way --- and sometimes Camille’s way.

Mostly her way.

“Eric, you’re the best I have at keeping everyone controlled when away from base. I need you on this assignment; Ms. Matthews asked for you specifically.”

Of course she did, but that didn’t mean I’d come running. I’d left Erudite for a reason, I’m not going to be their little bitch now.

“Send Four,” I said, throwing him under the bus. “He can do nearly as good of a job as I can. Hell, send his girlfriend too, they’ll be fine.” 

“Four is in intelligence, not leadership.”

“Well, what the fuck do I care?” I glared at him, getting pissy at this point. “I can’t run off and leave my girlfriend. And I can’t take her over there where she’ll be in danger, she’s the size of a fucking crater right now!”

“Wow, Camille must love spending time with you,” Melanie chuckled, cutting her eyes at me from beneath her blonde dreads. “Do you call her a crater to her face?”

“Among other things.”

Melanie laughed, leaning back on her heels. I knew it cracked her up that I’d slipped up and knocked my girlfriend up, that out of all of us I was the one going to be a father. A parent. A fucking role model for the young. She had been giving me grief about it since the second she found out, and she hadn’t stopped. In fact, it pleased her to no end to rub it in my face.

Although, when it came to Camille, she was noticeably more silent. Camille was a badass, she’s lethal when she wants to be. She’s been shot, stabbed, kidnapped by factionless --- she’s come through all of it. She’s high in leadership for a reason, and every initiate group she’d ever trained had come through with high marks. She’s a tough teacher, but that’s where her passion is.

Even pregnant, she trained the new initiates. She couldn’t get in the ring and fight with them this time, but I did hear that she decked one of them for smarting off to her; did I mention she was a little more erratic now?

Turns out, pregnancy wasn’t really her strong suit.

I didn’t think it would be so bad if she wouldn’t worry so much. Her family was fucked up, her father abandoned them when she was young. Her mother died, leaving her and her brother, and then her brother turned traitor, stabbed her, and run off. Oh, and then a little while ago she shot him to save my life, so there was also that.

She’s got a little baggage.

But fuck, didn’t we all?

“Well, Eric’s got a point. His baby mama will terrorize the rest of us if he’s not here. Let me run the op, let Eric keep the peace until his spawn is born, and then he can take lead.”

Uh.

“You want me to take over after my child is born?” I ask incredulously.

“Camille can handle it on her own, she’s carried it this long.”

I didn’t think Melanie quite understood.

I didn’t know which suggestion she’d just made was worse.

“Melanie, are you sure that’s what you want to do? You’ll be giving up the armory for a few months, you’ll be out in the field.” Max warned her, as if he really gave a shit.

“Yeah, I know. But I’m just a few hours walk away, so if something comes up, I can get back.” Melanie replied, her tattooed arms crossed. “It’s not a big deal. Eric needs to be here right now. Four, don’t you agree?” she cut her eyes at him, putting him on the spot.

Four frowned, but eventually nodded.

“Yes.”

If Four agreed, that had to tell Max something. I knew as leader, he thought he had all the control over Dauntless, but he was wrong. He gave the big orders, but he didn’t spend time with his people. Other then his position, they had no reason to be loyal to him. 

They followed those who trained them, who molded them into soldiers. They followed people like me, and Camille, and unfortunately Four. We trained years worth of initiates, we talk to them every day, we form bonds. We set an example of what it means to be Dauntless.

They would follow us over Max, of that I had no doubt. He just didn’t realize it. So, really, overthrowing him wouldn’t be an issue if for some reason I was overlooked when it came time to shift the power around. I could take Four out of the league fast enough, he didn’t want the job anyhow.

No, I wanted it.

If I had control of Dauntless, there wouldn’t be any factionless. We’d get rid of them, throw them over the wall and let them fend for themselves. Whatever’s out there can have them, I didn’t care. They’d stop draining our resources then, stop taking up our space and causing us problems. Those people had chosen their lot in life, they were failures unable to conform.

We didn’t need them.

But, those are thoughts for another day.

Max rambled on for a few more minutes, explaining the op, what needs to be done. Melanie listened for the most part, but I knew she was gonna fuck it up; she was in the armory for a reason. Great soldier, but not much of a people person.

It’s going to be a disaster.

~~~~~~~

“Honey, I’m home!” I called as I stepped into my apartment. When no one cussed at me or threw their arms around me and whimpered how much they love me, I sighed. Those are the two greetings I was getting used too, Camille has some major mood swings.

I frowned, shutting the door behind me. It’s late, I’m surprised she isn’t here. She’s pretty self conscious about herself right now, having that baby bump and all that. Really, she looks perfect, just like she shoved a ball under her shirt. She was always small, and from the back you can’t tell she’s having a kid in two months.

Fuck, two months, that’s all the time we have left together. Soon we’ll have a screaming loaf of bread to deal with, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that. I don’t know how to be a father, I don’t even remember mine, He was never there, and my Erudite days seem like a completely different... it’s like those memories aren’t even mine, they belong to someone else. 

I don’t know how to do this.

It didn’t seem real, in the beginning. I mean, I saw the test, Camille said she was pregnant, but she never looked it until the last two months or so. It’s like the kid suddenly decided to announce itself and her stomach grew times two. 

I sat down at the kitchen table with a sigh, running my hands down my face. It’s hitting me more and more how much everything is going to change. Once that kid is here, Camille’s focus will be on it, I won’t be important anymore. I knew that’s how it’s supposed to be, she’s a mother, but --- I didn’t have to like it.

Maybe Melanie’s right, when it’s born, I could stay a few days but then move on. Camille could have the kid all to herself, and I wouldn’t be in the way. She could do a better job without me around, anyway. I didn’t know the first thing about parenting, about taking care of something or someone.

What if I hurt it? What if I drop it or it won’t stop screaming and crying? It’s not like there’s classes on this stuff or I would even go to them. Hell, I’ve never even held a baby! Snarled my nose at a few of them so they’d scream, but that’s the extent of my experience with them.

I’m doomed.

We both are.

I looked over as the door opened, relaxing when I saw my girlfriend step inside. She’s still dressed in all black, her dark hair loose around her shoulders, eyes painted up. Her sweater clung to her body, and it made her look a little smaller, but didn’t hide the bump. 

She gave me a tired smile when she saw me at the table.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” I leaned back in the chair, watching as she kicked off her boots, unable to reach them now. She had a hard time leaning over at that point. “Where’ve you been?”

“With Tori. She got some new ink and ---.”

“You didn’t get a new tattoo, did you?” I asked thoughtlessly, and she rolled her eyes at me.

“No, I didn’t. I know you’re not supposed to until after the kid is out. Don’t look at me so accusingly.”

Hmph.

I don’t respond, just prop my head on my hand, watching her. I mean, I might be having some major freak outs about this whole baby thing in my head, but that didn’t mean I didn’t give a shit. It’s my spawn, I wanted to make sure it was taken care of.

“How are you feeling?” I asked after a second, watching her press the button on the pot to make more coffee. “You look nice today.”

“Thanks, I was visiting my other boyfriend.”

I scowled. “Camille.”

“What?” she glanced over her shoulder at me. “What are you so stuffy about today? Max give you a new asshole or something?”

That sounded more like Camille. She’d never had an issue with insulting me to my face, no matter who was around. It’s one of the things I found so attractive about her, her brazenness, her lack of care about bullshit. 

“Max and Erudite are working together again,” I said after a moment, gratefully taking the cup of black coffee she handed me. “Erudite wants some new buildings to house some computer systems, and they want Dauntless to run the factionless out so we can do it.”

“Why do they need another building?” She sprinkled some sugar into her coffee, a habit she’d only had recently.

“Hell if I know. Brainiacs don’t have enough space, I guess.” I shrugged my shoulders, letting my eyes run over her. Her skin is flushed, just like it always is, and I understood all the bullshit about the pregnant glow now. She’s still beautiful, she still had that aura of “I’ll kick your ass even though I’m the size of a planet,” going on. 

“So what did Max want with you? Lead the op?” She sipped her coffee, leaning her hips back against the counter as she gazed at me, her dark eyes framed by black lashes. “I bet he thinks you’re the only one who can keep it from falling apart.”

“Something like that,” I muttered, feeling  the tiniest bit guilty. I’d seriously considered doing it for a few seconds, but.. “The project’s to start pretty soon, we gotta start moving the factionless out. Bulldoze the old warehouse buildings, start from the ground up.” 

“Seems kind of shitty to make those people lose their homes just for computers.”

“You don’t care about the factionless, what does it matter?”

“I don’t know,” she sighed, looking down at the cup between her hands. “It doesn’t, I guess. Are you going to lead it?”

“No, Melanie is.”

“What?” She looked at me in surprise. “You turned it down?”

“It’s across the city, Camille. I’d have to stay over there, I can’t be in two places at once. The baby is due soon.”

“Yeah, in two months.” She looked down at her stomach. “I mean, if you want to lead it, you can, Eric. Don’t let me hold you back.”

“You say that, but in fifteen minutes you’ll be screaming at me if I do accept it.”

“You know Melanie is going to fuck it up, don’t you?”

“Yeah. But it’s not my problem,” I get to my feet, stretching my arms over my head. “Four didn’t want it, so that just leaves her.”

“I like how I’m not an option.” Camille huffed a little, put out. She worried the whole being pregnant thing was hurting her career, making her miss the big opportunities to move up some more ranks, but she was fine. I’d have all the power one day and she wouldn’t have to worry about it.

“You’re safe here, there’s no point in you going out there,” I informed her, stepping around the table and to her side. I leaned against the counter with her, brushing her hair behind her ear. “That’s the only reason. Otherwise we’d both be out there so Max could get some peace without us.”

Camille chuckled, her lips drawing.

She knew I was right.

I slipped my arm around her shoulder, pressing my lips into her hair.

“I’m not going anywhere until the kid is born,” I murmured, feeling her lean into me. “You two have my attention.”

“I like how you say, ‘until it’s born.’” She muttered, catching on. “Are you going to leave me then? When it’s here, and it’s crying, and needing the most attention? Is that when you’re going to take over the op?”

Her tone was so accusing.

“No, it’s not. Melanie has all of it.”

“Melanie is a fuck up and we both know it,” She snapped, straightening. I sighed as she sat her coffee cup down rather hard, causing the liquid to slosh over the side. “She won’t last two weeks.”

“Well, what do you want me to do about it?” I scowled at her; I knew this was fucking coming. I get so sick of her picking fights with me, of getting angry over every other word I say. She overanalyzed everything right now!

“I don’t want you to do it!”

“I’m not doing it. You just said I should!” I took a step away from her, irritated. “Make up your fucking mind, Camille. Half the time you want me here, half the time you don’t.”

“Because you’re an asshole most of the time, that’s why!”

“I’m not doing anything, you’re the one who’s having screaming fits over every little thing,” I put the kitchen table between us before I turned to look at her again. “We can’t have a conversation without you causing an argument!”

“Oh, I like how everything is my fault!” She responded sarcastically, her hands going to her hips. “That’s how it always is, isn’t it? I’m sure getting pregnant was my fault, too!”

“Why the fuck are you even getting bitchy? There’s nothing to fight about!” I ignored her last comment, just like always. I swore she felt guilty about getting knocked up, but I knew it wasn’t intentional. Shit just happened. We weren’t careful, and it was both our faults. “I’m not leaving, I’m not going on an op! I’m staying here.”

“Why? So you can throw it in my face later?” She demanded, clenching her hands, and I was sure tears were in her eyes. “Tell me I’m holding you back?”

“When have I ever done that?” I tried not to roll my eyes, not to sound exasperated. I tried to remind myself she’s irrational, hormonal, her nerves are shot and she’s currently growing a child inside of her. 

Camille glared at me, but she didn’t say another word. In fact, she just stomped off, leaving the kitchen and heading for our bedroom. Really, the apartment was too big for just the two of us with four bedrooms, it’s like Max thought we’d be popping a bunch of spawns out now.

No.

Camille would probably never let me touch her now, we already haven’t had sex in a month --- not that I was keeping track. I’m not used to this, she was always so vivacious, so ready to fuck, and now she wouldn’t touch me if she had a gun to her head.

I sighed, watching her disappear.

I might love the woman, but I’m not sure how this is going to go now. I couldn’t think of myself being anywhere else, and yet now I’m starting to panic. I didn’t know how to be a parent, what if I fuck the kid up and it ends up like me? What if I hurt it?

What if I hurt Camille?

The closer it comes to that kid being born, the more nervous I get.

I wasn’t sure if I could do this or not.

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