#like ok dude first of all some people are vegan second of all it's good and third of all that's why they just call it chili not con carne

[ereh-emanresu-tresni]

Talking to Texans about food can be so exhausting lol. For having their cuisine so routinely being judgingly dismissed wholesale as "shitty wannabe Mexican" you'd really think they'd be more generally aware how tedious an argument that is, and yet it just seems to make them double down that much harder on calling any other regional variations even more shitty and fake 😑

[haniswritingstuff]

Baumhaus Uni life just got even weirder

Hiiii People this is me author of the day ( honestly I just neglected all the work I need to do for 3 hours you better be thankful XD) I'll update maybe once a week? If I can make it? For now I just really wanted the idea out of my head and into chapter 1 :D It is not proof read, ignore any grammar or spelling mistakes XD

„Lea wake up. Lea. Goddamnit Julia could I get some help over here I really don’t want to be late for our first day!” Lea groaned and rolled over, not for the first time cursing her friend who was worse than any alarm clock.

She tried to peel open her eyes and saw Hanna standing in the door, still trying to fix her mess of hair with some product by looking into her mirror at the other side of the room. There were slow footsteps in the hall as Julia walked into the room and fell next to Lea on the bed.

“Move” she instructed, getting under the blankets. Grunting Lea wiggled to make room for her friend who pretended to fall asleep again. The only thing that was an indicator that she was already awake was the fact that she was dressed in jeans and a simple t-shirt and not in her RJ Pajamas. “Lier she already woke you up!” Lea accused and tried to grab the blanket from Julia again.

Dishes where heard clirring in the kitchen, followed by Hanna shouting “Wait girls, why is our coffee empty I thought we still had coffee, ohmygod how will I make it through the morning.” The stress was clear in her voice but that made the girls only laugh silently. “We’re gonna stop by Dynamite Coffee today don’t worry!” Julia answered loud enough for Hanna to hear. The girl came back into view. “Ah yes for us to make it in time though we really need to be out of the house in 5” she said, hands on her hips. Lea groaned again, though the promise of good coffee made getting up a bit more appealing. Dynamite had this really great Vanilla-Caramel Frappé creation, and as it was the first day of hell, aka the new semester, the motto was treat yourself with sugar. “Veto on the shower” she finally said, pushing the blankets (and Julia) out of the bed to get up. “Dude no need to call Veto you know I only shower in the evening” said Hanna, going back to her room. Lea blinked and looked down at Julia, who was apparently also dressed.

“Ok , at least give me 10 minutes”

 They somehow still made it out of the house with time to spare and luckily there weren’t that many people waiting in Line at the coffee-shop. Lea grinned when she saw Jimin was working today. Hanna ordered first, black coffee and the biggest vegan sandwich they had on display, Julia some iced tea and something sweet. Jimin grinned and went into full pose when he saw Lea, who had already gotten into some extra stance, with her hand on one hip, the other going through her hair as Jimin would often do. “Good morning Sunshine what can I get you?” Jimin said, completing his sentence with a wink.

Lea rolled her eyes. “More like raincloud you know what day it is today, though I appreciate the positivity.” Lea answered, following up with “The usual with extra syrup please.” Jimin went to work as Hanna and Julia went beeline for their usual seat at the window. Lea stayed at the counter for a moment longer, as there wasn’t really anyone waiting to order anyway right now.

“Why do you have the morning shift today don’t you have classes?” She asked her best friend, who was busy creating magic in the form of caffeinated drinks. “Hah do you think I’m gonna turn up the first day, people might think I’m actually taking studying serious. I really don’t want to ruin my reputation like that!” Lea grinned “I wish, But I think you-know-who drinking her black coffee over there would have killed me!” Jimin finished her drink and slid it over in one fluid movement, perfectly in sync for Lea to grab the cup.

“Yea, to be honest though most of my classes start in the afternoon this semester.” Lea nodded. Jimin was a dance major and most of the morning classes where often the theoretical kind in the lecture halls. And she couldn’t really picture Jimin turning up for dance history at 8am on a Monday morning either.

“Well, I’ll see you around then, I’m going to inhale this now and hope it helps with my class at least.” She sighed. “You know my magic always works” Jimin smiled. “Don’t worry what is it again that you have today? Fashion history? You passed that one with flying colors last semester and I don’t think I’ve ever seen you study for it.”

“Yeah, but only because I already know most of the material, which still makes it a super boring class to sit in” Jimin moved a hand through his orange hair in his trademark way, before putting it on Leas Hand, morphing his face into somewhat of a pretend-pity-pout. “Don’t worry I promise I’m going to invite you to our party on Friday if you live through the week” Lea slapped his Hand away, though her eyes gave away that she was intrigued. “Your fraternity already planning for the first party of the semester?” Jimin puffed out his chest proudly. “What do you think, Beta Tau Sigma doesn’t sleep, and like hell, we’re going to top last semesters opening party by far!” He announced.

Beta Tau Sigma was probably most known for their party’s and pretty boys around Campus and while there were a bunch of different fraternities as Jimin would say “Don’t fraternitise with the enemy, especially not alpha delta psi”. In that moment the doorbell rung, signalizing a new wave of costumers. Lea turned around one last time saying “Don’t forget to keep me updated” before going to sit over to her friends. When she turned around she saw an old woman, maybe a professor?, stumble while she was trying to stand up from her table. Without thinking and in a moment of unknown agility Lea helped steady the woman and her tea set, so it wouldn’t shatter into a thousand pieces on the floor. “Wow are you alright?” She asked when the woman didn’t move for a second. She turned her head up and blinked up at her with incredibly light blue eyes. “Ah yes, thank you very much young lady!” She moved to put back her plate and cup and went to the door, when Lea shook her head and noticed she had left a little bag on her chair. She grabbed it and ran after the woman but when she looked around it seemed like the old lady had vanished into thin air.

“I guess I’ll maybe take this to the campus fundus later” She shrugged and placed the little item in her bag before joining her friends for breakfast.

“Ah Lea!” Hanna said, while swallowing the last of her sandwich. She placed her heads on the table and leaned forward in a serious manner. “Guess what Tae is actually in my art history class this semester!” She smiled and Julia gave Lea the look, they always shared when it came to Hanna and that certain boy. “Yeah guess how she found out, Tae just messaged her happily how his best friend ever being in the same class is just the greatest thing that happened to him today” Lea snickered and took a huge slurp from her drink. Whatever they put in there truly was like magic, lighting up her mood. Or maybe it’s just the sugar. “Hanna blinked at them, but before she could ask why they were being weird again Lea decided to share her news. “And guess what I just heard; beta tau sigma  is returning to the scene this Friday with their legendary semester opening party!” Julia clapped her hands together “Dude yes we totally need to go!” She high fived Lea, both of them starting to plan their outfits and makeup for the day. “I have to hope there’s just no student council on Friday or I’ll just come Later” Hanna, who had just taken out her calendar and was nibbling on her pen said. Lea took her calendar and a pen from her bag, before writing in big, bold letters PARTY in the spot for Friday. She closed it, throwing it back into Hanna’s’ bag. Hanna gaped at her, but she just took another slurp of her Frappé “Don’t tell me you want to miss out on the chance of Tae freestyling something again for boring student council”  Hanna started mumbling something about “Not that boring but…” when Julia groaned and leaned back in her chair. “Now that you mention that maybe I will come a bit later when that part of the evening is over” “Well I’m sure Suga is already appointed as the real DJ for the evening.” “Touché I’m back on board”

  Lea entered the Lecture hall right on time, heading straight for a place in the last row, before pulling out her I-pad that automatically connected with the university Wlan. Thank god for that because without some distractions she truly wouldn’t survive the class. Fashion history, while being one of the more interesting subjects, was taught by an old white man called Mr. Park Jin-young and his lecture style was awkward at best and dead-boring at worst. She was really just here for attendance credits anyway, as most of the material she already knew from her free time research. The decision to study fashion was really something that happened after a failed- first attempt at studying  “something useful” as her father had called it, while she just spat on it as economics hell. Julia might be convinced that subject was actually exciting, but she wasn’t fooling anyone. Economics was really just the first nail in her coffin and after dropping all her mandatory classes after one semester she decided to switch over to something that actually interested her. While she didn’t want to go full design category, though that would’ve put her in some classes with Tae or Hanna, she decided to major in Fashion history and Costume design, hoping to work for film or theatre one day, whichever way it worked out really.  The class passed slower than ever, Lea caught up with the Baumhaus Blog, a university legend really as it was written by someone who clearly had all the intel into not only University politics but also most classes and famous people. Some thought it was led by the actual university president itself, as he was the only one who was always present for the last 20 years when the blog had first started out as a makeshift website. Another popular theory was that the blog was passed on from the founder to different people and every time they graduated the moderator would change as well. Lea thought that theory was more plausible, because not only would it be weird for the Uni president to trash himself in third person but also it seemed like the style had changed ever so slightly last year and 3 years before that, as Julia had once explained to her. The newest entry was about the Party on Friday, which wasn’t that surprising because for Beta Tau Sigma to keep a secret for more than an hour was nearly impossible. Not only did they have the eyes of fangirls on them, but the own members weren’t really secretive about their activities either, as much as Jimin would like to make it out to be.

The class wrapped up a tiring 2 hours later and Lea’s stomach grumbled, reminding her that she hadn’t really eaten anything this morning. She stood up, after quickly noting down the first assignment because of course Mr. Park wanted them to have an essay ready by next week already, that asshole.

The prospect of Jimin maybe still being on shift made her steer back to Dynamite Coffee, as it was also the most convenient option around Campus unless you actually dared to eat the Mensa food.

The ringing of the bell for a second time that day and the smell of coffee was so comforting, she nearly forgot all about the assignment that she had to finish already this week. Well, nearly. Lea looked around, the coffee shop was a lot busier now, as many people had the same idea to drop by during classes. Behind the counter it actually wasn’t only Jimin now, but also another guy with black hair. His sleeves were pushed up over his elbows revealing tattoos that were all over his forearm and fingers. Lea vaguely remembered seeing his face somewhere, though she couldn’t quite place it. Before she could catch Jimin’s eye he vanished in the back for something, and she sighed. “Eh excuse me could I take your order?” She looked up, confused that it was already her turn but apparently the people in front of her were in a group. She looked at the food options to the left. “I’ll take one grilled cheese sandwich and a Nutella muffin” She said, looking back up at the waiter. And suddenly she remembered where she knew him from. “Holy shit you’re stock-photo guy!” She blurted out. The guy just took out her muffin from the display and nearly dropped it because of her sudden outburst. He blushed and looked at her stammering something incoherently. “Oh my god I’m right! I always see you in memes all over Tumblr oh my god!” In that moment Jimin came from the back grinning at Lea and throwing an arm around Bartender guy. “I knew I heard your voice and yes this is our newest addition to the team may I present Model and photography student Jeon Jungkook”. Jeon Jungkook looked very uncomfortable and busied himself with trying and somehow failing to place Lea’s muffin in a bag. Lea shook her head in a small laugh, her blonde hair falling out from behind her ear. “Damn Jimin and I thought you were the only model allowed to serve coffee out here, seems new guy as you beat in popularity as I saw his ‘model photos’ somewhere else than his own Instagram thirst-tap page.” Jimin crossed his arms in mock-offend while Jungkook finally gave the bag with food over to Lea. “Here’s your dude- I mean food” he said groaning a little about his slip of tongue. “Thanks dude” Lea grinned, placing her EC card over the card reader to pay. “You’re taking it to-go?” Jimin asked. “Yeah I wanna go home for a second before my next class, I want to pick up a book that I left lying there and you know I need a good book to survive literature” “Wow that is so wannabe-author of you” Jimin answered. Lea picked up her things and waved “Thanks I’ll take it, Bye Jimin, bye stock-photo-guy!”

 Considering that she had some time before her next class Lea sat down in the kitchen with her freshly-warmed up sandwich and looked around her bag for her iPad. She placed it on the table, when her hand felt something else inside the bag.

Confused she pulled it out of her bag and placed it on the table. It was the thing the old lady had forgotten in the coffee shop earlier that morning. “Shit I totally forgot to drop it off at the fundus” Lea said. Curious she opened up the bag, figuring it wouldn’t hurt to take a small look inside. It was a silver ring, beautifully crafted. She turned it around in her hand admiring the weight and style of it. Her own fingers were always full of different rings and this one was actually really pretty the more she looked at it. Before she could put it back in her bag her phone suddenly started ringing. Lea carefully placed the ring back on the little bag it came in and fished out her phone from the depth of her bag. “What the-“ The caller ID showed Julia’s name, though that was weird, because Julia was supposed to sit in class right now and she usually wasn’t one to ditch a class that easily.

“Hello girl what’s up?” Lea asked into the phone. Through the line she could hear some wind crashing and other sounds but Julia started speaking before she could even wonder further. “GIRL, where are you right now?” She asked kind of frantically. “Huh I came home for my break why?” “There’s a supervillain that just crashed into your lecture hall and I didn’t remember if you still had class” Lea pulled her eyebrows together, concentrating to make out Julia’s voice with all the background commotion. “What is that some joke?!” “You need to look at the Baumhaus blog, there’s some footage up already” Julia continued talking, through most of it was drowned out by the bad connection while Lea swiped her iPad open. And somehow, she couldn’t believe her eyes. “What the fuck-?” she whispered, when the line went dead. Suddenly worried Lea jumped up and whirled around when a bright green flash illuminated the kitchen. She screeched some high note and fell back against the sink closing her eyes. When she reopened them, she saw something floating over her left-over sandwich. Said something sniffed her half-eaten sandwich. What was happening? “Oh my god is that … cheese” Said something exclaimed. “I haven’t had that in a century!”

Lea, finding her voice and body connection again jumped up from her place at the floor and she pointed accusingly at the thing that had just started eating her lunch with huge bites.

“What the fuck!” She exclaimed again, and while it wasn’t her most eloquent moment, she truly couldn’t find any words to better describe the situation.

The something looked up at her as if just remembering she was here. “Oh hi. I’m Plagg. Let me just eat first than we can go deal with that akuma”

“Aku-what?” Lea asked slowly sitting down in front of the black creature. It kind of resembled a small cat now that she looked at it. Plagg ate the last of that sandwich in a huge bite that shouldn’t be possible for his small statue and happily rubbed his belly. “Look girl, I am a kwami, and the god of destruction” he started, flowing from the plate towards the ring. “And it’s just your luck you seem to be my new holder, as you own my ring now.” He took the ring and placed it down in front of a still silently staring Lea. “This is a dream or something, maybe I woke up in one of my fantasy novels” the girl whispered, taking the ring hesitantly. It felt cool and very real against her skin. She slipped it on one of her fingers and found out it somehow fit perfectly. “Nonono this is actually real life; I know that because I just ate very real yummy cheese, and it tastes better than in my dreams. Now we have to deal with a supervillain, but don’t worry Ladybug will surely help you so you won’t have to fight him alone. We need her power anyway as you will sure learn. Your power is more awesome anyway it’s called cataclysm and it is all about destroying stuff. Anyway listen. You mustn’t tell anyone about this okay, most important rule. “Lea blinked down at the small creature. Ladybug? Fighting a supervillain? What the hell was going on?

“Now after you say, ‘claws out’ we can actually start trying to find that villain-“ Plagg certainly wanted to go on, but as if still in denial Lea repeated “Claws out?” confused and everything happened at once.

The small creatures’ eyes widened, and he opened his mouth but suddenly he was gone, and Lea was standing in the apartment in a leather suit. She looked down at her hands that were clad in leather as well, her nails seemingly got sharper under the material.

She rushed out into the hall, towards the mirror and stopped as she looked at herself. She was wearing a freaking leather catsuit. “Again. What. The. Fuck” She looked down at herself and up into the mirror. Her eyes where light green and very cat like under a black mask that obscured her face around the eyes. Lea turned around, admiring how the material seemed to fit just right in all places and she noticed a little stick in her belt, that also kind of looked like a cat’s tail. She took it and pressed a paw-shaped button, causing the thing to open up with all kinds of options. And suddenly she somehow, as if it was instinctual, knew what she had to do. She ran back into the kitchen, checking Baumhaus blog which was still reporting life on the incident. The supervillain apparently had moved on toward the art building And Lea remembered Tae and Hanna were supposed to be there right about now.

She sprinted out onto the balcony and in a jump, that could only be described as very daring or downright suicidal, she leaped over the street. Her staff expended and like a pole-vaulter she reached the next rooftop unshattered. She stopped when her feet hit the roof, looking down at her slightly trembling hands. “Wow.” She breathed out and her face turned into a smile. “This is awesome!”

She pole-vaulted her way towards the campus which resulted her being there in second’s time. Deciding that looking at what was going on first might be a smart idea, she hid behind one of the chimneys. She peeked around again just in time to see something red and spotted crash down in front of her. On the roof. There were no red spotted giant birds as far as she was aware.

She peeked around again just in time to notice a guy with dark hair sitting up. He groaned and rubbed his head. He looked around and their eyes met, both blinking at the other person. “Wait…” Lea started, remembering some things that Plagg had been trying to tell her before she transformed. She eyed the suit that was skin-tight, showing the lean muscle of the guy in front of her, but most importantly it was reminiscent of a certain animal “Are you the Ladybug? Nice biceps by the way!” The guy shrugged and stood up to his full height. “More like Mr.Bug as you can see. And who are you?” He shot her a charming grin. Lea rolled her eyes. “I’m L-leather dressed superhero lady noir as you can see” For effect she bowed down. “And I thought my getup was bad but here you are running around like a domeownatrix!” Lea’s eyebrow twitched under her mask and she decided that maybe, she did not like this guy. “I’d take my suit any day over that spotted fashion disaster you are sporting.” She shot back but Mr.Bug only smiled, striking a pose. “Oh, really you don’t spot something you like?” “More like you are bugging me already-“ she started, when suddenly a huge rock was thrown their way causing them both to jump apart and turn around.

Oh right. There was that problem with the supervillain.

LMAO :D:D:D:D:D Did you see that coming? A reverse Miraculous AU because I can. And we are only just getting started.

[kinkstuffig]

Try Guys Sandwich

Keith had nearly finished his assignment for the video was to eat every item from taco bell. Obviously, he didn't eat all of each item, only a bite. Even so, his stomach was bloated and churning. He reeked of sweat, sauce, and beans. When he had signed up to work for Buzzfeed, this was not what he had expected.

At first, Keith had tried to hold in the gaseous emissions. This had resulted in him overheating and getting cramps. When the others realized this was the cause of his discomfort, Zach and Ned assured him that they were good enough friends and mature enough to sit with him in a room while he ate an immense amount of beans. After that, it was smooth sailing with Eugene filming, Zach encouraging Keith, and NEd being on cleanup duty.

Keith swallowed his last bite and burped. “I’m so glad this is over. I feel like I’m going to explode.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you eat that much,” Zach remarked, gazing at Keith with slight astonishment. 

“Oh, I have.” Keith thought back to those lonely nights in highschool and college but quickly recovered.

“What are we going to do with all this leftover food?” Zach asked, as Ned began wiping down the table. 

“Each of us could take some,” Ned suggested. Zach was ok with this idea until he realized that some of the ingredients would interfere with his medication. Ned remembered that Mexican food made his wife nauseous. Keith was too full to think coherently. They all turned to Eugene.

Throughout the filming, he had been unusually quiet, only commenting when necessary. “I… uh… I’m going vegan for a video. Sorry.” He walked quickly out of the room.

“Did anyone else think that was weird?” Zach asked. Keith moaned and all attention returned to him.

“This was such a bad idea,” he mumbled, closing his eyes. 

“Fuck.” Ned turned to Zach. “I think we maxed him out.” 

Zach bit his lip, worried. “He has to go back to his desk till the end of the work day.” Ned left the room to find Keith some sweatpants.

Zach knew how to help a bit. He’d been with Keith on some of his milder bad nights. Gently he unzipped Keith’s jeans and pulled them off, which was a struggle. Keith’s belly, given more freedom, expanded, until it looked like Keith had swallowed a pumpkin. Pulling the fabric of Keith’s T-shirt up over the globe of his belly. Zach brushed his finger against the taut skin. Keith moaned again, from pain or pleasure he wasn’t sure. Lightly, Zach ran his hands over the bulging belly, massaging out cramps as much as he could. Eventually, his fingers reached the edge of Keith’s boxers. They slid under the waistband, pressing into hairy flesh. 

The door opened and Ned returned with the sweatpants. Zach flushed and stood up quickly but ned hadn’t seen anything. They helped Keith into the sweatpants and then took him to a filming room that was being unused. They laid him down on the couch, hoping his stomach wouldn’t take too long to settle. As they were leaving, Keith winked at Zach, being his true food-drunk self. 

Eugene paced back and forth in the men’s room. Do not throw up, do not throw up, do not throw up. Suddenly, he dove for a toilet, spewing pink tinged  vomit into the white bowl. Arms wrapped around his middle, he hoped nobody would see him. His stomach ached and his throat burned. Fairly sure he was finished, he flushed the toilet and pulled himself to his feet. Rinsing his mouth at the sink, he splashed water on his face. He wasn’t dizzy at all. His swaying reflection laughed at him.

Eugene stepped out of the bathroom and returned to where they had been filming to retrieve the camera. Ned looked up from the tupperware he was packing the leftovers into. “Dude, are you feeling alright? You look really pale.”

“Mmm.” Eugene rubbed his face and reached for the camera before he realized this required and answer. “Totally. Yeah, I’m fine.” Ned remained skeptical but Eugene had already left. 

The Try Guys eventually all returned to their desks. Ned looked fondly at the picture of his wife that he had as his phone’s background. Keith rubbed his stomach, trying to pay attention to the files he was working on and less to the nausea building inside him. Zach watched Keith, while trying to look like he wasn't watching Keith. Eugene took some aspirin. His head was pounding and staring at a screen while he edited footage wasn’t doing him any favors either. 

3 Days Later

Keith, Ned, and Zach had definitely noticed something. Eugene wasn’t known for pouring out his feelings or being sweet and fluffy, but at least he was an extrovert at least 30% of the time. He’d been acting weird lately. He barely spoke to anyone in the office and there were bags under his eyes. He hadn’t eaten lunch with them for at least a week. Even in videos there was a difference, though less detectable.

It was Saturday and the boys were going out for drinks. Eugene arrived at the designated meeting place (Ned’s house) 20 minutes late with messy hair and a few keyboard imprints on his cheek. This was a new low.

Ned sat everyone down around his table. “Eugene, what is going on?” 

Eugene stared blankly for a second. “What?” 

“There’s obviously something wrong, either with you or in your life. We’re your friends. You can tell us anything. Please let us help.” “Honestly, I have no idea what all of you are worried about. I was up late and i fell asleep at my computer. Sorry for not being my usual punctual self. I promise I’m fine.”

Everyone at the table knew, this was bullshit but they also knew that if Eugene didn’t want to tell them, he wasn’t going to tell them.

In a strangely quiet mood,  they all climbed into a taxi that was taking them to a club. Zach told a funny story to get everyone back in the mood and then everything was back to normal. Dancing ensued as soon as they arrived.

Eugene was panicking. He had to act normal. They knew something was up. This was too embarrassing to tell anyone, even his closest friends. The room was really hot. There were too many people. He needed to get outside. Eugene stumbled toward the place where he thought the door was but the room began to spin. Then it went dark

“Oof.” Zach got the breath knocked out of him as Eugene ungracefully collapsed onto him. Zach had followed Eugene, seeing how unsteady he looked. Catching him unconscious was not what he had planned. “Ummm, a little help?” he called. While a strong and wiry man, Zach could not lift Eugene. Keith and Ned found him, more from the path the dancers left around him, than his calling. 

“So there’s definitely something wrong with Eugene,” Zach said, handing the unconscious man to Ned, who picked Eugene up bridal style. The barman showed them to a back room where they draped eugene on some furniture. Slowly his eyes fluttered open. 

“Dude, what the fuck?!!!” Ned was angry. Eugene looked around at the faces above him. They wouldn’t understand. He turned away and closed his eyes again, hoping they would leave. This did not improve Ned’s temper so Zach took him out to try and calm him down. Keith stayed. He put a hand on Eugene’s shoulder. 

“Please,” he whispered. “We just want to help. We really do care.”

Eugene sighed. “I know.” He felt something hot and wet on his cheeks. “I’m just afraid that you will all look at me differently if i tell you.” that was more emotion that he’d shown to anyone in a very long time. Keith struggled to hold back his own tears. He couldn’t understand why someone wouldn’t want the support of their friends in whatever they were going through.

“Can you at least tell me why you think you passed out? We need to make sure you don’t need medical attention.”

Professionalism. This was something that Eugene could do. “It might have something to do with me only eating a toaster waffle today.”

“For breakfast?”

“At all.” 

Keith was incredulous. “How are you so calm about that?”

“Should I not be? It’s become sort of a routine.” 

Keith turned his back and muttered under his breath, trying to stay calm. “I’m going to bring you some sandwiches and you are going to eat them. Do you understand?” Eugene nodded. He was too tired to argue. He would have much rather stayed asleep with his face on the keyboard than gone out anyway. Keith got some sandwiches from the bartender and explained the situation to Ned and Zach. It took awhile to actually get the sandwiches into the room because Keith had to help Zach restrain Ned, who was furious, and keep him from chewing out Eugene.

Eugene took the plate of sandwiches complacently, but didn’t take a bit out of one of them. Instead, he took the top off the top of one, ate the lettuce and tomato, before laying the rest aside. There were 3 sandwiches of average size. Eugene ate all the vegetables and then put the plate down, preparing to leave. Keith stopped him. “You didn’t finish.”

“Vegan, remember?”

“Bread is vegan. Besides, there are eggs in toaster waffles. Now sit down.”

Obediently, Eugene sat, picking at the bread and turkey. He would pinch off a piece, chew it slowly, swallow, wait what seemed like an extremely long time, and repeat. He kept asking, “Can I go now?” 

Keith’s only response was “Finish”. He looked tired and drained, unable to bear seeing his friend like this.the others were let into the room but told to stay quiet. Finally, Eugene finished. He felt massively full and he was sure every person on the other side of the door should be able to see just how round his belly was. He burped uncomfortably. The 3 men stared at him.

“Well, now that I am finished, can i go?” No one tried to stop him so he stood up and left. Ned, Zach, and Keith looked at eachother. What were they going to do with him? They went back out and tried to enjoy themselves, all the while one always staying within catching distance. 

Eugene seemed like he was alright, dancing and flirting like his usual self. He also drank quite a lot. As the night dragged on, his dancing got slower and less vibrant until he stopped, with his arms wrapped around his middle and his head bent down. 

Zach was, again, the closest. “Are you ok?” He asked over the blaring of music.

“I don’t feel very good.” One of Eugene’s hands moved from his middle to be over his mouth. 

“Fuck.” Zach grabbed Eugene. They made it to the men’s room just in time, Zach waiting outside, sure that Eugene would want some privacy. Even so, he could hear the wretching from outside. 

“All done?” Zach asked. Eugene made a non-committal sick person noise so Zach came back in. He found Eugene sitting on the dirty floor with tears streaming down his cheeks once again. Zach knew lt beside him, rubbing his back. 

“I’m sorry,” Eugene whimpered. “I tried so hard.”

“It’s ok,” Zach said, trying to be comforting but also very confused.

“I didn’t mean to make you all so upset. But i couldn’t keep it in. i’m sorry. It’s better this way.”

Zach wasn’t sure how to respond. “This way?”

“Out. it feels better out. Nothing feels right in me.”

Zach put his hand on Eugene’s middle, trying to see if he could ease any paint his friend might be experiencing. Immediately, Eugene tensed his whole body, sucking in his stomach as far as it would go. Then Zach understood. Wrapping his arms around Eugene, he hugged the taller man, throwing him off guard. “Eugene, you’re perfect. All of us love you just the way you are. You don’t have to change or try to look different, even if you think your public will like you more if you do.” He squeezed harder. “It’s not safe. We worry about you.” Zach kissed the back of Eugenes neck. Eugene finally leaned back into Zach’s arms, letting go the flood of tears he’d been repressing. Zach left early with Eugene, texting his friends the important details.

[dramallamadingdang]

Question Meme: The Run-on Sentence Edition

Hi! I hurt myself again yesterday. No, not in an "self-harm" kind of way but more in the usual (for me) "mountain-climbing incident" sort of way (I hate scree; I was so close to that summit) and got lots of deep bruises and lacerations for my troubles and was in a world of hurt by the time I saw a doctor, and I cracked something that isn't supposed to be cracked and it all hurts enough that I got prescribed narcotics again for a week and I really, really hate narcotics but I really, really like to be able to breathe without feeling like my lungs are being ripped to shreds, so...narcotics it is. 

It might make the answers to this latest iteration of Ye Olde Question Meme rather entertaining, though. Maybe. Maybe just incoherent. Well, whatever, @nekosayuri tagged me, so it's her fault, and I'm bored and my sleep schedule's all outta whack and I haven't even turned on my Simming computer in like three days and am posting this from a non-Simming laptop, so I have nothing else to post and....yeah. So, I'm like high as a kite right now. I mean, it's not totally unusual because I live in Colorado and weed's legal here, but narcotics is a totally different and much less coherent high for me. So, like, fair warning.

I'm not tagging anyone, though. I've no idea who's done this lately...

Name: Katrina

Zodiac Sign: I don't know why I answer this because astrology is a huge crock of BS, but everyone always wants to know so...Taurus. Barely. (Birthday is April 23.)

Height: Still ~6'0"/~182cm. Yay, not shrinking yet!

Languages Spoken: Fluently? At this point, only English. I used to be pretty fluent in Italian and German, but, you know, the saying "use it or lose it" applies, and since I've not had occasion to use those languages much....Well, there we are. I could speak quite a bit of Russian at one time because I spent a chunk of years there, in the late 80s when it was the Soviet Union and shortly thereafter when things were sorta nuts there. But, again, I have lost much of what I once knew. And there are smatterings of other languages that I can speak mostly-useless bits of. I can ask where the restroom is in many languages because I've traveled a lot. :) I do speak fluent bullshit, though...

Nationality: 'Murican. And since 'Muricans are really, really into their "ancestry" for some bizarre-o reason because ‘Murican apparently isn’t good enough...Like, 95% dirty Welsh peasantry (plus some Irish and Scottish thrown in for flavor) on the paternal side and on the maternal side....Well, one of my great-grandfathers was a first cousin of the English Queen Victoria. So basically, my maternal ancestry is the very confused inbred multinational mutt that is European Aristocracy. God only knows what’s in their genes, though my particular bit of it has lots o’ German. 

Favorite Fruit: Okra. It is a fruit. Look it up. Then again, much of what people call "vegetables" is, in fact, fruits, so there's that.

Favorite Scent: I've never really thought about this except when this was a question on a previous iteration of this meme that I did, and I don't remember what answer I came up with then. So I'm just gonna say...Vanilla-scented candles. Not cheap ones that just smell sickly-sweet sort-of-vanilla-y, but these ones that I buy online that smell...well...NOT sickly-sweet and like how vanilla really smells. Alternatively...snickerdoodles when they're baking. Hubby is baking me some snickerdoodles as I speak. Type. Whatever. The house smells really good. Baking bread is good, too. Before the snickerdoodles, hubby was baking the twice-weekly loaf of sourdough.

Favorite Color: Green. And/or orange. I go back and forth about which is really my favorite.

Favorite Animal: Elephants. Or hyenas. Or cats of all shapes/sizes. Or alpacas. Or llamas. Or snakes. Or spiders of all kinds. Or dragonflies. Or...Um, yeah,  I'm pretty much a fan of all vertebrates and terrestrial invertebrates and some aquatic/oceanic invertebrates, too, so...take your pick.

Coffee, Tea, or Hot Chocolate? Hot chocolate all the way. I don't drink coffee because A) I think it tastes and smells disgusting, but even if that wasn't the case B) I can't have caffeine. Tea is OK. Hubby's way into herbal tea, grows/collects and dries herbs and makes his own blends and shit, and I'll drink it mostly to make him happy, but I'm not into it. I do like hot chocolate, though it's hard to find premade mixes that don’t have powdered milk in them (because I’m vegan), so I generally have to make it from scratch, so to speak, and when I do I use cashew milk as the base and I usually add either peppermint or vanilla extract for zing.

Favorite Fictional Character: Can't really pick a fave. So, have a list, probably but perhaps not really in preference order. Spock from Star Trek, who's been a fave of mine since I was 3 and was watching the original Trek in its initial run, and I announced I'd marry Spock one day. Rodney McKay from Stargate: Atlantis and Vala Mal Doran from Stargate SG-1. (Basically, if you cut up those two and glue various bits of their characters together -- and not necessarily their good bits -- you have...me. So I relate really well to both of them, so I like 'em.) Also Jack O'Neill from Stargate SG-1, but he's mostly for reasons of estrogen. (Especially if you stick 'im in dress blues. HUBBA!) Garak from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine because Cardassians Are Love. Jayne from Firefly, also for reasons of estrogen. Big, hairy, dark hair, blue eyes, solid but not too muscle-y...Yep, that's how I likes my men. And Zoe from Firefly, 'cuz OMG she's how I likes my women. HUBBA!

Dream Trip: *sigh* Still Antarctica. It's the only continent I've not been to, and I will get there before I croak, but...not yet.

When was your blog created? IIRC, it was, like, the middle of December 2013. So, I'll have had this thing 5 years soon.

Last Movie You’ve Seen: I couldn't sleep one day like a week ago, so I put on Miss Congeniality, which is one of my favorite movies because Michael Caine. When I can't sleep, I'll usually put on a really familiar movie or TV show and it lulls me to sleep, but it didn't work that time. :(

Song You’ve Had on Repeat: Englishman in New York, by Sting. I have no idea why, but it's been on repeat in my head, though I haven't actually played it lately or anything.

Favorite Candy: Not much of a sweets kind of person. I prefer salty-crunchy. I can eat a whole big bag of crisps (Like, the British ones, which are way better than American potato chips, but American ones will do) easily, but I can't even get through a whole candy bar because, ew, too sweet. That said, I do like Flake bars, but I have to go up to Canada to get 'em. Or else buy 'em online but then usually by the time I get them they're kinda smashed. Or melted. Or both. Better to go up to Canada. Where they have real chocolate and not this sickly-sweet Hershey's crap. *shudder*

Favorite Holiday: When in Canada, Canada Day is quite fun. It's like July 4th only not so...well...chest-beatingly, yahoo-y, "patriotic" 'Murican. (I really, really dislike nationalism and "patriotism" in general but especially the obnoxious 'Murican brand of it.) When in the UK, I have a fondness for Guy Fawkes Night. I guess I like fire and fireworks and things that go boom and shit, only without the "YAY AMERICA!" yelling of America's own "things that go boom" holiday. Other than that...Can't really say I'm into 'em much. They're not even "days off from work" since...Well, I've never had a "real job," and I'm pretty much retired from my unreal job these days.

Last Book You’ve Read: *cough* Does a really long and smutty and slashy Stargate: Atlantis fanfic count? I'm sad to say that, though I was a voracious reader of books when I was younger, I'm really not so much these days. Haven't been for the last decade or so, really. Not of actual books, at least. I do subscribe to and read a number of academic journals, some having to do with science and medicine and some having to do with history, but they're not books. 

Favorite TV Show: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, mostly because it has Cardassians, who are all uniformly awesome, plus all the gritty political and religious goodness and stuff. Except that its last season kinda sucked and did totally WTF things with my second-favorite Cardassian. Close runner-up would be Stargate: Atlantis. Except that its last kinda season sucked, too, and did totally WTF things with McKay, so hmmm. Stargate SG-1 is good, too, except that half its team annoys the piss outta me...although this is largely made up for by the hotness that is Jack O'Neill so there's that. I like Firefly a lot but it was so short-lived that it's hard to really be a favorite because I can watch the whole thing, including the movie, in less than a day. (And believe me. I have.) I like the other Star Treks, too, especially if I'm in the mood for the "goofy soap opera in space" that is Voyager. TNG's shiny-happy Roddenberryness kinda bores the piss outta me, though it does have a few really good episodes, and the original show...Hmmm...Well, I both love and hate it. I love Spock, as I said, and I also love McCoy and all of its secondary characters. The problem is that I hate Kirk. Like, viscerally hate him. Like, I want to punch his face in every time it's on-screen. If he'd just, y'know, been eaten by a salt vampire and Spock and everyone else was OK and went off and had cool space adventures battling giant space-going amoebas and shit, I'd be totally happy and that's what fanfic's for *cough*, but since Kirk doesn't get eaten by a salt vampire...well...

Who’d You Most Like to Have Lunch With? @holleyberry :) Dude, we should totally hook up (No, not THAT way!) when I'm in SoCal next. Which won't be soon if I have my way, but when I am there....

[twistednuns]

September 2020

Your fears are ebbing, your confidence is rising, and proof that I exist can now be felt in your touch by loved ones, found in your smile by friends, and seen in your countenance by strangers. Everything, for you, will now begin getting easier, happier, and zippier. / The Universe (from Mike Dooley's Notes from the Universe newsletter, September 3)

Time of the Season

Coming home. Solitude. Lots of Sonnentor Gute Laune tea.

Fixing a toaster. I love how easy it is to disassemble old electronic devices.

Full moon magic. Manifesting. Perhaps the time has come - maybe I'm finally going insane. But I keep receiving these messages (or rather have very strong urges and feelings) at the moment. I felt super out of place, out of touch and out of luck these last few weeks, like something was wrong with me for being different, thinking differently. I just couldn't deal with people's energies anymore (hectic, stressful, close-minded, inflexible, conservative, rule-abiding). But something tells me I'm on the right path when I stick to what is good for me. All signs are pointing the way. I'm so curious for the things to come.

Vivid dreams about family issues, my brother dying in an accident, consoling my mum, browsing through an imaginary grandma's treasures in her attic apartment.

Strictly speaking this is not a thing I love because I hate wearing face masks and I miss wearing lipstick so goddamn much but I have found silk to be the perfect material. Super smooth, soft, breathable and light.

Advancement in my self-love journey. Listening to my body. Trying to give it exactly what it needs. I don't know what happened but there has been such a profound change in the way I treat myself and the worthiness I suddenly feel. I'm much more able to let go of situations and people that are harmful to my mental well-being. I am enough.

Christina's Matcha Mornings podcast. It's so interesting to see the direction she has taken. I met her in Vienna ten years ago after reading her LiveJournal for years. My inspiration.

How to be more alive in the moment.

Random bit of trivia: there is not a single subway station in Munich that includes the letter Ä. I'm a collector of weird facts.

The Vintage Books edition of Patti Smith's Year of the Monkey. I love the grey, cream, the black and white photograph. The rough cut. Also: learning about Miss Christine and Girls Together Outrageously. I ordered a few of Patti's books the other day because I'm quite interested in her art - photography, visual art, poetry.

Making a list of my artistic heroines. So far Patti Smith, Marina Abramovich, Siri Hustvedt, Nina Hagen, Louise Bourgeois and Donna Tartt are on it. And Ramapriya, a former yoga teacher.

Magic Eye holo images. I was obsessed as a child and it's just as fascinating to me again now.

Manifesting male company. The conversations are nice so far, let's see where these lead.

Popping bubble wrap.

Going on a long Sunday walk. Sunshine. Smelling wild roses on the way. Eating a whole wheat croissant in front of the churchyard.

Finding practical solutions. Decluttering.

Ayurvedic rituals.

Drinking coffee in the morning, especially on days I can stay at home. What a productivity high!

Waking up crazy early on a Saturday. Reading my current favourite, a Leigh Bardugo fantasy trilogy. Breakfast with fresh raspberries and coffee from my friend's roastery. With barista soy milk foam. Getting a hot water bottle. Going back to bed, reading some more. My new Saturday routine: cleaning, making crisp bread. Doing the laundry.

Listening to old Radiohead songs. In Rainbows is my favourite album. OK Computer a close second.

A sudden desire to move. Yoga, blackroll, stretching, dancing. So nice. It's quite rare that my body actually wants to be moved and used because usually I have issues with low energy or an aching joint. The other day I took a walk and came across an ad for Kundalini yoga in my neighbourhood. Unfortunately the couple who gave the class have since moved away but Sarah gave me some recommendations for other Kundalini classes nearby. I have to try it!

The beautiful Sunday morning sunset.

An obsession with an O.P.I nail polish with the worst name ever. A very soft, pale pink. Currently I won't accept anything else on my fingernails.

Heighted awareness. A better connection to my needs and desires. Figuring it all out. A miraculous change in my eating behaviour. I just can't seem to overeat anymore.

Sister Shanti.

A warm breakfast. Herbal tea, miso soup with furikake, dashi, roasted sesame and a sheet of nori. Ayurvedic porridge with soy yoghurt, blueberries and my usual mix of nuts, cacao nibs, hemp and flax seeds. Bircher muesli. Coffee with barista style soy milk.

Creativity connected to the moon cycle.

Visiting my mum. Driving out to her workplace for the first time in years. Taking home lots of crystals. Singing along to old songs on the radio. Her outrageously delicious cookies with nuts, chocolate and apricot jam. Talking about the important stuff. Connecting. Spending hours in the woods on a mushroom forage. Having dumplings with creamy mushroom sauce for lunch on Sunday. Getting to now Martin's grandchildren. They took a liking to me. I was their witch and had to come up with new magic spells all the time. I would summon mushrooms (or have them appear on someone's bum) and turn the boys into crocodiles or broccoli.

There's a new Fleet Foxes album!

A very nice and pretty comprehensive autumn movie list. It inspired me to make my own.

to have pull with - Have a means of gaining advantage with, have influence on, as in She had pull with several of the board members. [Colloquial; late 1800s]

Making my favourite vegan Lebkuchen with lots of nuts, dark chocolate and marzipan. They're huge so eating one of them is already very satisfying.

Reconnecting with Christina. Sending each other voice messages on Instagram. Talking about personal growth, our internet presence from ten years ago, her MatchaMornings website and so much more. We might even meet next time she's in Munich!

Stealing a piece of stale bread from Frank's oven. Eating with with a dollop of delicious soured butter.

I kinda like how we're forming a new tradition. Visiting Frank after school, waiting for him to finish work, cooking something, watching a movie or an episode of a TV series (we just got started with the new season of Fargo).

Doing a little research on the lyrics to my favourite Epic Rap Battle of History (Dr. Seuss vs. William Shakespeare). We had suspected that part of it was written in sonnet style but unfortunately we couldn't prove our theory.

Becky giving my compliments for how cute my face looks when I'm wearing my foxy hat. I actually found another hat in the same style online. I'm going to check that website every day from now on because I know that there are hats with robins and squirrels out there and someone will put them up for sale sooner or later.

Walking home from the hairdressers. Quickly avoiding bumping into a long-haired dude walking towards me. He imitated my swift move and smiled at me. I giggled and somehow we had a tiny connection, a fraction of a moment together.

[skinks]

Pure Moments i want to remember about my conversation with nothing,nowhere the other night that will be of no importance to anyone else, but where else am i gonna put them huh, it’s my blog:

he had a fractured, or maybe it was a broken ankle? he broke it running and while on bedrest watched all of stranger things in two days. they made him take his cast off at customs lmao

likes synthwave. likes kavinsky!!!

i can’t get over this but he’s smol, like 5′5′’ or 6" maybe

when he first came over and hugged me he was like “aaaah you got the hoodie!” and i told him i had my reaper shirt on too and he said “oh you’re doubled up!!” skdfkjlskdj

it was a GOOD HUG MY DUDES no one arm dealio, no sir, he came at me with his arms out and we HUGGED. i probably said “hi, oh my god”

i think i managed to stutter about how amazing the set was and how much i loved the huge drums, and he was like “oh thanks yeah, we tried to make it-” and that’s when the others came over

one of them asked where the tour was headed next and he couldn’t remember so he went RUMMAGING down the front of his multiple huge layers til he found his lanyard, peered at it, and said “…. birming-ham?????” cute™

said “harry potter is sick” and then got really excited when we told him about the studio tour in london

has cute lil pointy TEETH

im p sure he’s vegan, and he’s big into nature and outdoorsy ecofriendly living, and talked about wanting to start a kind of sustainable community. said he’s rly interested in, and wants to teach bushcraft “and like…. chopping wood” but he said it so lamely after all the passion, it was funny as fuck. someone said he should visit the isle of skye and he was like “that sounds like something from skyrim!”

he said he saw us in the crowd cause we were being… Fairly enthusiastic

said his family are really supportive; i asked if his parents like his music and he got this really shy look and nodded, then told us he went home recently and opened the door to find them playing his album and he was like “mom you’re embarrassing me”

i mentioned this in my other post but i can’t believe we like the same fucking philosopher, how goddamn wanky is that

the other girl had done her own n,n print on her shirt and he took photos and when we were on the train home she got notifications saying he liked the posts on ig…. a sweetheart…

when we were talking about other soundcloud musicians i mentioned loving his collab with yung jza and he said “oh yeah, that dude is super underrated”

he told us his old rap name in like 2006 was “average joe” lmfhgkshfsk

he went to film school, and i saw an opportunity to ask him something i’d always wondered about. on this collab album he made with a producer called oilcolor, there’s a song that uses a sample from a movie, so i said “of all the movies, i was not expecting The Vow” and he started laughing and said “that was oilcolor! he was like ‘i think this’d be tight’ and i was like ‘hmmmmmmmmmm’ and he was like ‘nah trust me, this’ll be tight’ and i was like ‘…….yeah, this is tight’”

it was rly fuckin funny how he said it. saddest emotrap boy n,n thinks the vow starring channing tatum and rachel mcadams is tight

he’s made mountain dew commercials, but now he gets to make music full time which is awesome

i asked if he listened to metal and he said sometimes he skates to older stuff, like iron maiden, and he asked what i’m into and i promptly FORGOT EVERY METAL BAND I’VE EVER HEARD and i said “uhhh, like, more modern stuff” and he went “like gojira?” and i agreed and he said something else but i couldn’t hear

he likes the movies the revenant and captain fantastic

at one point we were talking about the merch (when i bought my hoodie the merch guy asked which shirt i had and i showed him, and he was like “aw man, i’m his friend and i don’t even have that one!” lmao) and i said that i liked the shirt his merch guy was wearing, and we were all peering over at the dude when he looked up, and n,n was like “we’re just making fun of you, don’t worry” jghskdgllhgfhafd

he used to do muay thai!!! i meant to ask if he liked martial arts movies but i forgot :’( next time fer sure

told us Xclusives about upcoming music, shhh

we talked about music a ton obviously and i mentioned this soundcloud rapper collective called disaster club cause i’ve been listening to both their songs all summer and he was like “disaster club? i’m in disaster club” and i thought i misheard him so i was like “wh-what? no fuckin way!”. he said something like, he’s on the producing side but he should try and get on a track and it blew my mind a little

he’s learning the piano, we were talking about making music and i said i played it and he was like “that’s so cool! i’m trying to learn”

he was just… so open about his life, for someone whose persona surrounding the music is so anonymous and defensive, it was really wonderful. plus he was super patient about photos and other ppl coming up to our little convo

one dude came up and was like “you’re welcome back any time, any venue, small venue, my house, my bedroom……… uh- my spare bedroom” and he just laughed and thanked him the dude was actually tungle user suppressyourdemons and in fact said: “ "You're welcome back to the uk at any time, your band can stay in my bedroom (then thought that sounded sketchy) so said spare bedroom" “ sorry i misquoted you my dude, joe was appreciative regardless

shdjjfjckfjsg I forgot that at one point my new pal cammy told him that he listens to his stuff at the gym and n,n was laughing cause his stuff is Sad and totally not workout music, and I was like "so people think you're sweating but it's actually tears?" and he laughed more. I stole that joke from a post about drake but whatever, it made him laugh 

OH YEAH i didn’t realise at the time but he signed my album by underlining his name with a lil reaper scythe… cause skully/reaper motif… idk that’s super goddamn adorable to me. i’m hugging it to my chest rn because two days later i’m still an emotional wreck

he gave my pen back and was like “that is a dope fuckin pen by the way” or something to that effect, then i DROPPED IT and he went to pick it up but he had a broked up foot so i did instead

i know this is all mundane as fuck to you if you’re reading this but i don’t waNT TO FORGET ANYTHING! nothing fuckin nowhere was gonna get my pen for me cause i’m a doofus! he hugged me twice lads! fuck!!

i asked what his favourite video was to make and we joked about the hearse in skully and he was like “yeah that’s just my regular car”

we were all talking at once about our favourite songs of his and i said “bedhead always makes me cry” and he was like “aw man, bedhead? that’s old school” and he looked pleased ;u; 

said he basically wears Hiking Dad clothes all the time

he was great at listening to everything we had to say, he would look and focus on each of us, just as interested in us as we were in him and i’m so so so soosososoo happy i got to experience all of this

fhskjglsgkj while we were talking about disaster club, for some tangential reason i mentioned kpop because one of the verses in a disaster club track starts by quoting exo’s kokobop, and before the word “kpop” was barely even out of my mouth he was like “shimmy shimmy kokobop?”

nothing,nowhere, who i think by now you know means a great deal to me, quoted exo lyrics at me. there’s a reason the whole night feels like a surreal hallucination and that’s why i’m writing all of this down

i mentioned how, when he still had a tumblr i’d written a post and he’d reblogged and replied to it AND HE REMEMBERED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he was like “oh yeah, that was a long time ago!”

I KNEW IT WAS HIM WHEN THEY CAME ONSTAGE AT FIRST FOR TWO REASONS! (u gotta remember i’d never seen his face before except for his skullface in the skully video) he was wearing a misogi hoodie, who’s another great soundcloud producer, but the font was like a black metal band lmao. the second reason was his nose. a good nose

the boi’s got Incredible cheekbones. he’s cute as hell but then i’m biased

put his arm right round my shoulder for the photo so i did the same ahhhhhhhhh

i told him how, when i first started listening to his music my main thought was always “is this dude ok?!” and he told us he’s doing better and putting it all into the music and tbh it’s a relief, like. listening to his music has always been cathartic for me,but at the same time i’ve worried about whoever was behind all that pain, for him to be able to write so clearly about depression. but he’s doing well! he said so! i’m extremely glad!

we were talking about the next time he’d be back in the uk and i said hopefully i’d have an n,n tattoo by then and he laughed and said “i don’t even have one yet, and it’s my band! i need to get one”

then we were all joking about something and i said “when you get even bigger, don’t forget about us” meaning the three of us there and he was like “i won’t!”

then he thanked us so goddamn gratefully for coming and said he had to get his cast boot back on his ankle, and i know, i know i am AWARE of how juvenile this sounds but when he hugged us goodbye he hugged me first. i know i was to his immediate left, but it still left me warm and fuzzy

LIKE!!! if that’s how nice it feels to be hugged by someone you’re a fan of, someone to whom you’re, well, just a fan - hugging a s/o must be magical

i’ve hugged so many friends this year. and troy baker. AND NOTHING,NOWHERE! TWICE! 

ok bye

[dinoalexander]

Your Moment of Zen: The Gourmet Academy’s Semi-Quotable 2019 Quotedown Quotetacular

Ladies and gentlemen and non-binary conforming life forms across seven star systems... the Gourmet Academy’s World Famous Get Down Like a Hound Party ‘til You Puke Semi-Quotable 2019 Quotedown Quotetacular... is ON! === “Time to play everybody’s favorite game show, Fireworks or Gunshots?” -BFG

“Goddamnit. I have to be the adult, don’t I?” -Gordon

“You can copy the format, you can copy the look, but you can’t copy culture!” -UBA

“Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this craziness.” -Kimberly

“Starting a petition to have Barbara Walters do the ball drop next New Years just to hear her say, ‘I’m Barbara Walters and this is 2020.’” -Chelsea

“Hello, Antonio Brown's Shiny Helmet Emporium, how can I help you? What's your pleasure?” -Carl

“Watch me whip out my Shenehneh.” -Gordon

“I feel like I’m watching one of my movies, because this whole damn thing sucks.” -John Cena

“I giggled.” -Michael

“I’m not saying BH90210 is the worst thing in the history of all recorded media, but if somebody had the theory that Luke Perry faked his own death to avoid any and all association with it, I would be willing to entertain that theory.” -Kevin

“Any day the key card works is a win.” -Joe Ovies

“She played a fiddle in an Irish band...” -Ed Sheeran “No she didn’t.” (Click) -Chico

“CBS was callin’, I’m Black Monty Hallin’.” -Wayne Brady

“Richard Quest on CNN!  He's gonna ask the rest of the 500 questions!” -Klaussie

“Work. What is this work bullshit?” -Gordon

“Verizon and Tegna, when the carriage agreement ended.” -MD

“I got my words! I got my friends! I got my words WITH my friends!” -Megan

“Thoughts and prayers to the Love Boat, who had her on so frequently her name probably appeared higher up on the call sheet than Isaac or Doc.” -Kevin

“Another fine product from Assmung.” -Carl

“Remember how I thought Adam Gase was a total piece of crap? I have been proven right. Fuck Adam Gase and the horse that rode in on him.” -Cyndi

“Walls? Where we’re going, we don’t need walls.” -Laura

“I’m a person who wants to be productive trapped inside a person who wants to sleep all day.” -Cortney

“Tommy Chong is a THC-list celebrity.” -JB

“Hey did you know that Francesa met Secretariat?” -Greg

“In a year when Black Panther told a story of a black superhero in a futuristic world struggling with real questions about how to deal with racial oppression, and BlacKkKlansman told a story of racial wounds in America that continue to this day and the need for allies to put themselves on the line, Best Picture went to Green Book, the story of a brilliant black musician as told through the white guy who drove him around. Okay.” -Kristin

“Advice: avoid sugar, Oregon Trail diseases, & women named in Mambo No. 5.” -Austin

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but so will my poor eating habits and bad decisions.” -Sarah Pribis

“She was prepared to kill a cockroach with a baseball bat.” -me on overzealous providers

“I am the crocodonkey.” -Klauss

“Aaaaaand we just lost Quisla.” -C

“Can Scaramucci last longer than a Scaramucci?” -...I don’t know, somebody.

“I want dysentery! ... wait what?” -Kyle

“My boobs are not real.” -Gordon

“I want to stop this show and take 10% of you outside, right now!" -Chris Harrison

“OMG Parallel Universe me, stop it!” -C

“I figured out who should host the Oscars ... Colin Kaepernick! Dude still needs a job, right? Also, he’s like two or three times the size of Kevin Hart. I bet we could pay him the same amount, so it’s like getting a bargain! Of course, I’ll want a modest consulting fee from the Academy. Problem solved. You’re welcome.” -Clint

“How the hell am I supposed to put this thing together? Are there instructions or am I just supposed to wing it?” -C “Even IKEA gives me instructions in a foreign language and a tiny ass tool.” -Q

"The only place you see Success before Work is in the Dictionary: -Mauro Ranallo NXT Takeover Phoenix

“A bold statement from a guy dressed as a hippo on a talent show.” -Klauss

“If you wanted the chicken fingers that badly, you could have asked for one instead of taking the whole plate of food.” -Gordon

“Time to play “Sexy or Sleepy”?” -C

“... that means ‘Eff you, you, you, and you’.” -Jason “That’s my autobiography right there.” -Gordon

“The magic thing about home is it feels good to leave but it feels better to come back.” -Emily “Home is a bit like that.” -C

“Thoughts and prayers to Ryan Stiles, who has lost his go-to celebrity impression.” -BB

“Hey, the Lord works in mysterious ways, but you don’t have to, USE YOUR TURN SIGNAL, ASSHOLE!” -Q

“What, you think people do coke once?” -Greg

“I can read off a TelePrompTer like a motherfucker.” -Kristen Bell

“‘Thank God we will be able to see more Pat Buchanan on TV’ said no one ever. I mean, for fuck’s sake, the last thing that is needed is another show featuring a panel of bloviating pundits. I get it. It’s cheap and easy to produce. But so is p*rn.” -Kevin, on The McLaughlin Group

“After watching HQ Words you wonder why Anna Roisman hasn't hit the big time yet. After watching HQ After Dark, you can completely understand why.” -Gordon

“If I die tonight, I want two of the Woodpeckers, two of the Football Tar Heels, and two of the Panthers to serve as my pallbearers so they can all let me down one more time.” -C, on Bad Sports Week 2019

“The first time is flattery, the second time is a lie.” -Michael

“I went to the mall with my pops. I saw something driving to there that truly shocked me. Someone had an orange Ford F650 extended cab pick up truck… With duallies… A rolling coal smokestack… And hubcaps with spikes on each of the nuts. And my only thought was… “My God… It must be MICROSCOPIC!” -Brian

“Would’ve expected to see “Employees must wash hands before returning to work”, posted in the restroom, but alright NOLA, still good looking out I guess...” -Casey

“Because....um.....going from a 40 to a 33 waist apparently makes people want to bed you.” -Gordon

“Breaking news: Idiot talks to idiot on a channel watched by idiots.” -Kevin

“Screaming tree maraca!” -Dahlia

“Looks like I fell down on the job.  Metaphorically, because literally would make me Oprah Rich and I'd be full of imported cheese right now.” -Laura

“In another decade or so, somebody is going to make a documentary on Ken Burns documentaries. The TRT will be 152 years.” -Kevin

“May your 2019 be filled with happiness, prosperity, great cocktails,  laughter, and Waffle House when you need it most.” -Rick Wilson

“There are sober people in England... No there’s not!” -Mike the CD

“Oh... oh.... oh....” -Q “IT’S MAGIC!” -C

“And finally, some of y’all still out here begging (I’m mean, pure, unadulterated BEGGING) for attention (I’m talking ANY attention) and validation. Lord Jesus put that sadness away. Just put it away.” - Michael

“I’m thinking of a number. The number is 10. You go first.” -JD

“Also, I would take tasteful pics of me making pizza naked. I'm only 30 and I'm only gonna look like this once.” -Kimberly D

“I have ADD. You wanna ride a bike? I’m gonna drink some water. Rooooooam if you want to... This coffee’s really delicious. I’m a sucker for you.” -Q

“Matthew Judon... Body built by Taco Bell.” -Matthew Judon, professional football player

“YEAH!!!! 1943, BITCH!” -my response to Q’s retelling of the events leading up to the Battle of Midway.

“Depending upon the inflection (Bless your heart) can mean anything from “oh you poor thing” to “would you lend me your brain?, I’m building an idiot”.” -Brian

“Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.” -LiyaZee

“That is a giant banana!” -Chris Ahearn, re: a giant banana “Why thank you!” -JB

“Betty White the Happy Homehooker.” -C

“I'll only have a hamberder if I can have it with covfefe.” -The Governess

“I will never forget when you surprised my ass in Atlantic City. That was the weekend of the Press Your Luck Prime Rib.” -JB “That was my first taste of the juice.” -Chico “And you been on the corner... ever since... looking for a fix.” -JB

“Sounds like a generic dude who owns the Ford dealership in every single city in America.” -BFG’s response to “Who is Tom Steyer?”

“Time to switch to Channel 7...” -Cyndi, getting ready to launch a Dallas recap style recap

“The only difference I've noticed this year is that now I get told, "OK Boomer", when I complain about holiday creep.” -Trey

“A 21st Century Koan... If a vegan that sold essential oils begin doing CrossFit… Which would they tell you about first?” -Brian

“Sorry I shoved my hair in your face.” -Christina

“You are turning into a Burberry wearing, wine drinking, charcoal mask wearing kinda guy... AND I COULDN’T BE PROUDER!” -Q

“Instead of airing new Love Island episodes, something tells me CBS is better off rerunning “The Mentalist”. -Doug “CBS is better off running Secret Talents of thr Stars.” -Gordon

“How far along are you?” -some guy “Oh, about six burritos and about a dozen cupcakes.” -Kimberly

“Answers and bribes go into the Corona Extra bucket.” -Michael

“Dear God, Please watch over Cole Anthony’s shoes.” -C

“What’s that scent you’re wearing? Oh, a little something I call washing your ass.” -Q

“You ever just wish there was a coffee delivery service? .... I do.” -Kathleen

“I’m just another brother with a game show.” -BFG

“(Unintelligible) ... Thicke of the niiiight.” -Greg’s impersonation of Gilbert Gottfried’s impersonation of Alan Thicke

“Antonio Brown doesn’t need football - ‘They’re going to play by my rules.’ A bold statement from a guy dressed as a hippo on a talent show.” -Klaussie

“You keep your head high and your middle finger higher.” -Alex

“There has to be a more scientific name for the penis. ... Intermittent organ?” —Gordon “That sounds pretentious enough to be scientific.” -C

“Zooey is saved for awkward sexy stories. Jeff Zucker is someone I don't want associated with "sexy stories".” -Dane

“Ryan is as Canadian as it gets. I think he bleeds maple syrup.” -C

“Turns out Gillette doesn’t work well with sensitive skin after all.” -Ben Rejmer

“Are you drinking something funny there, sunshine?” -Statboy

“It's so cold out here on the east coast that Jim Dolan, the brilliant genius that he is, decided to warm the citizens of Manhattan up and turn MSG into a giant dumpster fire.” -Gordon

“Ziggy is my spirit animal.” -C

“It may sound bougie, but.. you look good, you play good. You play good... they PAY good.” -Cam Newton

“We could be flying Pan Am Clippers to Venus. But MTV stopped playing music, legalized weed, and elected Donald Trump.” -C

“I get it. Tom Brady = deflated balls. Alex Guerrero = "inflates them". Hookers like Tom Brady. Damn, Alex Guerrero is better than Viagra.” -Klaussie

“I think I found the pony under the pile of shit." -Kimberly

“Skype sucks ass.” -Gordon

“In this troubled times, I like to put my hand over the  kidney in my heart, stare at the moon of Mars contemplating how the wheel is older than the wall, the great things Frederick Douglas is doing  & just being thankful I have ID to buy cereal, thankful for George Washington Airport victories & I don't have Windmill cancer.” -Trent Capelli...Twitter

“Sugar isn't "worse than cocaine."  You're not killing yourself by ingesting sugars either in foods or in your coffee.  People who are selling you weightloss programs want to tell you that you're killing yourself but there is no scientific evidence that sugar kills humans.   Thank you for attending my TEDtalk.” - Shrub

“I found a love...” -Ed Sheeran “No you didn’t.” (Click) -Chico

“Many of you are wondering about my mental state after the Vols game last night. I assure you last night I slept like a baby. Sleep two hours, wake up and cry, sleep two hours, wake up and cry...” -Brian

“If you paid $7 for a Jack & Coke, you got jacked.” -Klaussie “... and Coked.” -C

“Rich Eisen getting triggered by an f’n commercial for 9-1-1 because it featured a fictional situation in a place where his kid goes to is the most white guy thing ever.” -Greg

“And now that your reagent is all nice and mixed and all the chemicals have gotten to know each other, gently put the reagent cartridge onto the instrument. Gently... GENTLY, YOU IDIOT!” -C, to himself

“... goddamned hula shirt.” -Q

“The person who wrote the article needs to be taken in the back and have their writing license revoked. And then shot. And then never be allowed to touch a keyboard again. And then have their hands chopped off.” -Gordon

“They got Bowzer next to Barbi Benton, the lucky son of a bitch.” -C

“Here's what gets me every time I see the trailer for the Cats movie...these are all successful actors. Like...nobody in this movie actually needs to do this.” -Lana

“I made Chico donate $24 to Extra Life.” -Gordon

“You guys are compact cars like I’m a gay, wasted white girl.” -Q

“HQ is like the divorced dad with a much younger, hippy dippy, girlfriend-- and the kids don't want to visit.” -Amberlee

“Suck down your coffee like you own it!” -Hollie

“DRUM SOLO!!!” -Weird Al

“You know when you’re a podcaster you need a good vocabulary. I did always have one. When I was young I mixed up Jacuzzi and Yakuza. And for a while I was in hot water with the Japanese mafia.” -Brian

“It’s game of thrones, but I’m much less Jon Snow and much more Johnny Mudstorm.” -Gordon

“Skype is being a ho.” -Jason

“It's a less-sensitive Soul Man, in a time we need no such shit.” -Klauss

“I thought you were gonna get a room.” -Chapel Hill Phil “I thought you were gonna mind your business.” -Chico “.... that’s fair.” -CHP

“For those of you who are upset about being single on Valentines Day, remember this... 99% of my socks are single but you don’t see them crying about it!” -Connor

“They are selling CBD oil at Bed Bath and Beyond?! I’m sure that’s quality stuff. Honky, please!” -Christina

“She is twisted. If she swallowed a nail, she’d shit out a corkscrew.” -Q

“Oh Taylor Swift. Patron saint of Pride Month. Thank God for straight white girls.” -Michael

“Apollo’s Chariot: “I’m the biggest baddest hypercoaster on the eastern seaboard.” Intimidator 305: “... Bless your heart.” Fury: “Both of you can hold my sweet tea.”” -C

“I don't know you and I sure as heck don't know your sister.” -Klaussie

“Nothing makes you stronger than having no choice in the matter. You’re strong because you have to be.” -Christina’s dad

“Apparently people have mistaken my professional courtesy with genuine interest.” -Michael

“Jon Bauman, you dingleberry!” -Chico a la James May

“Bad enough it’s Scott but it’s Comic Sans, so that makes it even worse.” -Nick “Gentlemen... start your whacking!” -Cyndi “PHRASING!” -Jay, Chico, JVG

“As Robert Downey Jr. once said...” -Cindy

“Whenever I see a married couple with a joint Facebook page, I never, ever have any thought other than "I wonder which one of 'em cheated."” -Adam

“Why is Dan Orlovsky talking football and why should I take anything Safetyman says seriously?” -Cyndi

“Okay, you're a billionaire and can easily afford top-of-the-line call girls at $5,000 to $10,000 an hour and you go to a sleazy massage parlor where the women smell like lavender and shame (so I've heard).” -Steve

“My floor is occupied with eggs.” -Gordon

“Quis, your thing is making noise. Can you make it... not make noise?” -C

“I’ve been waiting at the phone for 29 years hoping someone can win this cruise!” -Klaussie

“If you wanted the chicken fingers that badly, you could have asked for one instead of taking the whole plate of food. #WelcomeBackToLeague #BowlerCityThievery #CheckingTheCamerasAfterLeague.” -Gordon

“I'm proud to say I only cried five times.  Admittedly, once was during the opening credits...” -Prof. O

“Phone calls in the mor-NING!” -C, describing his job as a radio jingle

“Okay, the shirt I was wearing when Liza gave me a slimy hug...I wanted to keep wearing it but I also loved the way the slime stains looked on it, so I waited six weeks to wash it so the slime stains would be totally set in. I just did laundry and there’s not a slime stain to be found anywhere on this shirt. On the one hand, mildly disappointed, but on the other hand, holy crap, Tide just made a customer for life out of me.” -Adam

"Really, you don't go back to the crazy ex-girlfriend. You leave her in the insane asylum." -Rafael Siegel, former Cash Show host

“Don't slap Charlotte in her boobs, you're just making her ANGRY!” -Brian

“Is it bigger than a Bird Box?” -Adam Nedeff’s take on What’s My Line?/Bird Box

“That song Birthday Sex is depressing when it’s your birthday and you have no sex.” -Red

“Politics politics politics Sean Spicer politics politics politics DWTS politics politics politics shimmy shimmy shimmy politics politics politics *tea sip*” -Kimberly

“We may need to add Brie Larson to the "How big is Batista's dick?" question list.” -Dane

“Chico and I not only know that we;re going to Hell, we requested a nice suite, complete with kitchen, spa and bidet, Aaron is coming also. We should have room in the suite for more if you want to join us.” -Gordon

“If Bill Cosby is telling you to get out, get out.  Else, you'll get a dinner drink with a special surprise.” -Klauss

“Hey, what’s coming out this May?” -Q “(Incoherent slurring)” -C “Really? Who’s in it?” -Q “Ryan Reynolds, I dunno.” -C

“I feel like Neville Longbottom with a remembrall.” -Amberlee

“Comically oversized shit sells. It's America, bigger is better.” -Jessica

“You’ve heard of salt in a wound or lemon juice on a paper cut... but have you heard of Oxi Clean powder on a fingernail you cut too short? Pro tip: avoid that.” -Coby

“I have an idea.” -Q “OH NO!!!! NOT AN IDEA!!!!” -C

“Truck contains political promises.” -actual septic truck

“Uhh... framing?” -C

“It’s very easy to get friends on these apps if you say you’re a hot chick.” -Gordon

“Woodstock 50 cancelled after organizers determined they can’t make it as hilarious as Fyre Fest.” -Adam

“Age and wisdom divorced decades ago. Stupid people get old too.” -Austin

“They put some extra claps in this.” -C, re: CS2019 theme

“I hope she’s dreaming the biggest, bestest dreams... and I hope she never stops.” -Kathleen, on her new little girl.

“You think it’s awkward buying condoms, try returning them!” -Q

“If Mississippi State wins the Outback Bowl, we all get free Bloomin' Onions. If Iowa wins, we all get free Coconut Shrimp. If that's not reason enough to root for Iowa, I don't know what to tell you.” -Matty

“Full hearts, full stomachs, can’t poop.” -Evil Travis

“That's it. Officially referring to my boobs as my "small turkeys".” -LiyaZee

“More phone calls in the mor-NING!” -C, describing his job as a radio jingle

“Tried watching pre-debate coverage, but the phrase "brutal Darwinian logic of winnowing" sent me back to Press Your Luck.” -Heather

“...if we hold up a painting of Hurricane Dorian, will it die?” -Amberlee

“Hey Cindy... you married that.” -C

“Literatively? Okay.” -Gordon

“I plan on going with Chef from South Park's line on that one -- "There's a time and a place for everything, and it's called college."” - Kristin, on “Break Up With Your Girlfriend (Because I’m Bored)”

“Allegiant Stadium. Much like the Raiders... A WORK IN PROGRESS.” -C

“Nobody could sing like Milli Vanilli… But let’s be fair neither could they.” -Brian

“Gar-a-giola, Gar-a-giola, STRIIIIIIKE IT RICH! Gar-a-giola, Gar-a-giola, STRIIIIIIKE IT RICH! Strike! It! Riiiiich! Strike! It! Riiiiich! Gar-a-giola, Gar-a-giola, STRIIIIIIKE IT RICH!” -Nedeff’s lyrics to the love theme from “Strike It Richl by Hal Hidey

“In God we trust, all others must provide research-based, peer-reviewed data.” -Aryn

“Go-gurt™: because fuck spoons and decency.” -Sarah Ann

“Like I said ESPN is to the Patriots what FOX News is to the Republican Party.” -Greg

“That is like walking hepatitis.” -Tim DeLaGhetto

“Will there be any trivia questions on your trivia question show?” -Erskine

“I’m a journalism major, so I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.” -BFG

“That’s Right is the Adam Gase of trivia apps.” -Greg

“And yes, Bill Maher does in fact molest collies, and goats...and sheep...and Chicago Bears. 😜” -JVG

“In the words of my dear uncle Paul, ‘Google it, bitch! I’m not here to educate you!’” -Nikki

“You know what they call the guy who graduates last in medical school?” -Megan “A doctor!” -C

“You can never win an argument with an idiot or an asshole. Idiots don’t know they’re wrong, and assholes won’t even consider the possibility that they could be wrong. You can’t help it if you’re an idiot sometimes, but don’t be an asshole. Just something to think about going into 2019.” -Clint

“No Ganos is good Ganos with Graham Gano.” -Tim

“Enough loonies to fill up the Bank of Montreal.” -Klauss

“In the age of auto correct no less, it makes me shudder when I see the leader of the free world making fifth grade grammar mistakes.” -Q

“You look like who did it and why.” -Mary

“Ow, my check! ... I mean, ow, my neck!” -Big Rick

“This woman on Wheel of Fortune has two grandchildren named Kennedy and Nixon, and I have questions.” -Melanie

“You’re the President of the United States and getting dragged by fucking Burger King. It’s just... wonderful.” -Shannon

“Classy, Like a White House Big Mac.” -Actual team trivia name

“Sex is a mistake 9 out of 10 times.” -Michael

“Who signs the cat?” -Carl

“This feels like an SNL sketch. Where’s Bill Hader?” -Greg

“Yeah! And uh...I played HQ with one of them in a hotel room. Wait, that sounds creepy.” -BFG “More than that.  (No, THAT sounds creepy.) You have played online trivia with one of them.  Surely you ran into or at least saw others in Vegas.” -Klaussie

the subject: The Jeopardy! All-Stars

“Step 1: Go to McDonald's. Step 2: Order a Shamrock Shake. There, now you don't have to read the article.” -Prof. O via Evil Travis. The question: “How to order a Shamrock Shake.”

Lunch lady: “Hey Dino! Get me a grape soda! I’m thirsty!” C, after an insane amount of giggling: “You said it, not me.”

“Some bitch decided she wanted to be a bitch.” -C

AP headline on Twitter: "Tim Tebow struggling in Triple-A; still a work in progress." GSNN: "Funny -- so was 'Million Dollar Mile'."

“The Bosa brothers = MAGA Gronk.  Don't @ me.” -Klauss

“... BASSOON SOLO!!!!!” -Weird Al

Greg: “Crying Game Cereal. A surprise in every box.” (Everyone dies for, like, five minutes) Chico: “... I’m going to HQ.... YOU NEED TO GO TO CHURCH!”

“Aunt Becky has some stupid kids.” -Austin Rogers

“I wanna be 21 again and ruin my life differently... I have new ideas.” -Sarah Pribis

“Mannnn listen!! It's time to just throw the whole R. Kelly away!!” -Bruce

“By the time all is said and done, I will have been awake for 24 hours.” -C “Rookie.” -G

“Instead of airing new LI episodes, something tells me CBS is better off rerunning “The Mentalist”. -Doug

“Well they went over as well as a ham sandwich at a kosher deli.” -Q

“Drop it and get out of here!” -Carl’s boss

“The call is coming from inside the wheelhouse.” -Ullsperger

“I am the Marquis de Asshole.” -Gordon

“Elizabeth Banks’ ass is America’s ass.” -C, with apologies to Paul Rudd, Elizabeth Banks, and Bill Carruthers

“Don't have an iPhone or iPad? Maybe you can beg at the boots of your betters, proletariat scum!” -Megan

“Tom Brady and Bob Kraft shaking hands and whispering into each other’s ear... ‘Hail Hydra’.” -C

Jason (discussing the Masked Singer): “The Hippo was ANTONIOOOOOOOO Brown!” Brian H: So THAT'S how the Madden Curse happened this year.

“Manish Mehta is on 92.3 The Fan right now.  My first thought after hearing him for 5 seconds:  He sounds like Aziz Ansari as The Bookworm on that SNL GSN show parody a few years ago.” -Klaussie

“Look at me, I’m Sandra Bullock.” -Nick

"That's Britain for you. Tea solves everything. You're a bit cold? Tea. Your boyfriend has just left you? Tea. Coordinated terrorist attack on the transport network bringing the city to a grinding halt? TEA DAMMIT!" — LiveJournal user jslayeruk

“Temporary emotions lead to permanent mistakes!” -C

“Tuesday night wasn’t just biscuits. Roy Williams went ahead and got the dirty rice to go with it.” -Adam Lucas after Carolina made State humble, 113-96

“Shaka... when the paywalls fell.” -Kevin

“Barbi Benton... ROLL TIDE!” -Greg

“I love when you ask for recommendations for establishments, services, recipes, products, etc., and people respond with, "Did you Google it?" Like, Thanks, Karen! I hadn't thought to use the easily-accessible, number one search engine in the world before! I'm totally not looking for recommendations based on actual experience from personal friends who will give me honest feedback, so I'm glad you directed me to Google!” -Cindy

SWSNBN: “Can your cover for me while I eat my sandwich?” C: “Go eat your sandwich.” SWSNBN: “I’ve got nothing going on.” C: “You’ve doomed us all. Go eat your sandwich.”

“If life gives you lemons remember: life was very honest about how many people it'd been with.” -Austin

“Two hours after lunch is still after lunch! BOOK SAY SO!” -C

“Remember, two wrongs don’t make a right, three rights make a left, and I’m Kyle Serra, quiz responsibly.” -Kyle

Q: “The answer fell into the pizza!” C: “Well now not only is it correct, it’s delicious.”

“Tom Brady just got the sixth stone. Half the NFL is about to vanish.” -Nikki

“I’m Max Essodus and I’m leaving!” -Klauss

“Chuck Todd is a bowl of Jello with a bad goatee and a shitty hair cut.” - @PhillyLocalGuy

“Leonard Frey! Leonard Frey! Anytime you call, Leonard will take care of you! Winter, Spring and Fall!” -Chico

“I THINK I’M BREAKING EVERY FCC RULE IN THE BOOK!” -Kevin Harlan calling two NFL games at the same time

“Horrible news to report, Baby Yoda has died after Myles Garrett beat the shit out of him with a helmet.” -Barry McCockiner

“The Yankees are like Roman Reigns: they’re good, everybody still hates them, and they always kick out of your finisher shm” -Mike Janela

“My nightmare is being stuck working for a guy that looks like Chris Cillizza” -@ChadShartman

“Mel Gibson/Rothschild casting is most inspired decision since Richard Spencer was chosen to write the screenplay for the new Frederick Douglas parody bio pic.” – Josh Marshall

“OOOOH! A LITTLE BIT OF THE BUBBLY!” - Chris Jericho

“Minecraft? HELL NO!” -Amberlee at RewardTheFan on Minecraft RewardTheFan

“109876543210, Happy New Year!” – Kyle @ Trivia Crack

“LYDIA CORNELL IS NOT A BIMBO!” -Mike

Tony Stark: “Hey, you said one out of fourteen million, we'd win, yeah? Tell me this is it.” Doctor Strange: “If I tell you what happens, it won't happen.”

America, let me just tell you something, do not commit crimes with checks.” –Charles Barkley

“I bet George Halas and Pop Warner are up there now coaching Angels in the Heaven Bowl.” –Cord Hosenbeck

“The director saw Green Book and was inspired to make a bigger disaster of a movie about race.” –From the IMDb Trivia Page for Loqueesha

“Drew Brees and Harry Styles fighting over a Pepsi is Peak 2010s.” -Chico

“The aging app? I didn’t know there was an app that helped Mike Maccagnan make his freaking draft picks!!!” -@DAitken90

“For all the notes and stats FOX gave out, they missed that this was the very first post-season game in history where two wife-beater closers gave up two-run home runs in the 9th.” -Ken Levine

Chico: “Man, Bowzer ruined this!” Mike: “Just like the second half of the show Bowzer ruined this!”

“Amazon Suggestion for David Pecker: Because you considered “Blackmailing the Richest Man Who Ever Lived,” we recommend you “Get an Orange Jumpsuit.” –Stephen Colbert

“When in doubt, choose Helium!” –Megan

“They should make a Mistress Pac-Man. Ghosts chasin’ her around the apartment Pac-Man rents for her, eatin’ all the strawberries and chocolates he sends and whatnot. Then the last level Ms. Pac-Man is after her ass like “Oh HELL no that’s MY round yellow man!!!” –George Wallace

“God is a woman and her name is Hailee Steinfeld” -@dakotalanthimos

“I stopped by the Statue of Liberty today, thinking about freedom, and the ability to go for it all.” –Bill Walton at the Pac-12 Tournament in Las Vegas talking about being at the NY-NY Casino

“today marks LaGuardia Airport’s first positive contribution to America.” –Jack Holmes on the end of the Late 2018-Early 2019 Government Shutdown

“BEAT THAT GHOST DICK!” -Matt Richards

Greg: “What if the Monster on The Masked Singer is Michael Cohen?” Mike: “If it is that will almost guarantee there won’t be a second season of The Masked Singer.”

“Roger Clemens tried to smash Mike Piazza’s head with a baseball bat and was still less of an asshole than Curt Schilling.” -@purgatos@knzk.me

“I love all the diversity in Star Wars. There’s brown people and someone with a Boston accent” -Dani Fernandez

“I don’t care that Brock Lesnar won Money In The Bank, I want to know if Brett Somers won Money In The (BLANK)” -Mike

“Woodrow Wilson even with a stroke was sharper than Donald Trump is today.” –David Frum

“THE JABRONI OF THE JABRONI MOVIE FOR THE HOLLYWOOD BLONDE JABRONI NEED TO HAVE THE MOST EXCELLENT LEADING HEAL TO MAKE THE IRON SHEIK LOOK LIKE THE LEGEND. PROBLEM NOBODY HEAL ENOUGH TO BE THE LEGEND. THIS WAY ONLY PERSON THAT TAKE THE CHRIS HEMSWORTHLESS LOOK LIKE HE THE REAL BABYFACE IS THE LEGEND IRON SHEIK. OTHERWISE THIS MOVIE WORSE THAN THE NOTEBOOK AND WORSE THEN THE JABRONI BETTE MIDLER BEACHES” –The Iron Sheik

“As far as I’m concerned, that’s America’s ass!” - Scott Lang “That is America’s Ass.” - Steve Rogers “America’s Ass? Are you talking about Tom Villard?” - Mike

“Oh Jesus, it’s Jimmie Walker’s turn!” –Chico

“Where’s the Robert Kraft spa video? I’d rather watch a video of my own funeral.” –Gerard Mulligan

“So, does Jeff Zucker have to completely cause CNN to lose money and get devalued so badly it gets bought out by Comcast for him to replace Vince Russo as “worst Turner Broadcasting hire ever?” -Dane

“I was just researching Mark Russell as a "Whatever happened to...?" He's still alive.” –Matt Jones

“And all of ESPN and FS1’s morning shows are just the worst. People who watch them actually come away dumber for doing so. I don’t understand the appeal of watching idiots on either network yell biased opinions at each other...many of which are lacking context or facts beyond what they see on a caption of a social media post. It’s like going to a comment section and watching arguments.” -Dylan White on the Awful Annoucing Facebook comments section

“Hunter, Kiss my ass.” –Dave Bautista

“The fact that the CEO of twitter can have his account hacked is a blinding indictment of twitter’s security policies. The fact that no one could tell the difference is a blinding indictment of jack himself.” -@ChrisSmith_RSB

“I don’t know anybody who loves or even likes Trey Wingo.” -@SlicedBrett

“A Madea Star Wars” must now be a thing…” –Amberlee

“People are like "the New York Post is bad for that cover, subscribe to the Daily News instead!" as if the Daily News didn't run a screencap of a woman being murdered on it a few years back. They're both pure trash. Neither are better.” -Craig Calcaterra

“Tim Burton’s Dumbo brings out Michael Buffer TWICE to say “Let’s get rrready…for Dumbo!” and I laugh again every time I think about it.” –Ken Jennings

“Who the hell is Dr. Lee Franz?” –Jason H.

“I was in the theater and that moment was revealed and the audience was “OOOOH!” and I just was laughing so hard!” –Ron Burgundy remembering the ending of “The Crying Game”

“Ladies and Gentleman… whatever legitimacy pro wrestling has left literally crawled under the ring.” –Chico critiquing the workrate of Colin Jost

“BANODLES, ARE YOU READY TO GO SHOPPING, YOU SON OF A BITCH?” -MIKE

“Can y'all imagine if the Gremlins and Jason Vorhees both attacked at the same time that would be some difficult shit to deal with anyway talk to you later” -George Wallace

“Trump getting impeached over the Ukraine is a little like Scorsese getting the Oscar for The Departed, but hey recognition is recognition.” -John Ross Bowie

“Alex Trebek is a fixture in the American firmament and we're all behind him. What a great man, so kind to my family and so warm to all of us contestants. Send him your love.” -Austin Rogers

“Rather than bore you with my expansive knowledge of British politics, allow me to comment on more pressing matters: drunken Chris Jericho getting his belt stolen” -Mike Tunison (@xmasape)

“Only ESPN would do a feature on Robert Kraft taking former players to Jerusalem — while he awaits trial for soliciting prostitution in a sex trafficking ring.” -@willgcopeland

“Looking forward to the “In Memory of Jim Cornette’s Career” graphic that will be starting Dynamite.” - Trevor Dame

“Tom Steyer sounds like a guy who airs MLK and Columbus Day ads, where you can get a new Mustang or Fusion for up to $6,000 off MSRP” - BFG

“Eh, what’s her name? Her name Barry Lonson. She’s in da, she won Oscar for the movie “Stuck In The Basement”. Also, she’s in the movie “Kink Kong: He Got Love With Her” but how he make sex with her, she’s young, she’s small and he big. I don’t know?” -Yehya reviewing Captain Marvel

“To this day nobody knows who Ann Risley is.” -Chico

“Heartbreaking: there is apparently no video I can find of this moment, where a robot named "Mr. Scraps" delivered a ball to James Doohan (Scotty from Star Trek), who had just arrived in a dry-ice-and-laser-bathed Delorean to throw out the first pitch in "The Biodome". Please enjoy this real quote from the Mariners former VP of marketing: "We named the robot Mr. Scraps, because it looked like a garbage can on wheels. Not exactly what we were expecting, but it served its purpose." -alex@allpro.social

MC Cool Cloud: “No union better mess with my family!” Cloud 9 Employee in Training Video: “Oh, MC Cool Cloud, (pats stomach) you’re gonna be the best dad.” Garrett: “I’m sorry, did MC Cool Cloud just impregnate a human?” Mateo: “I think he did.” “I’m in shock, Gene. I just talked to my accountant and I found out this guy made 30 grand and I’m working for minimum scale.” -Marty Cohen on MG-HSH Episode #12 “It would be kind of weird for a person named Tammy to be played by Tim Dunigan.” -Mike

“Chico's brain only has so much memory.  It's either the capital of Botswana, or something you rambled at 3AM while white-girl wasted.   Only one of those nuggets of wisdom is a panty-dropper, and I think we all know which.” -Laura

“So, the audience for SNL seems to be comprised of easily offended Catholics, YouTube “influencers”, and Trump. But Lorne Michaels still thinks he shouldn’t retire? Because if I learned those people watched something I produced, I’d eschew all technology forever and go live in one of those Unabomber log cabins.” -Kevin

“Morning report: The "Fuck Your Feelings" crowd sure gets triggered easily.” -Rick Wilson

“ZIPPERS?!” -Klauss

“We’s considerin’ buddies.” -C

“Automan’s naked and wearing a belt? I don’t get this!” -Klaussie

“You were standing in his crotch!” -Anna

“I am utterly surprised there were no traces of Batman cereal yet Greg's dad made at least 2 appearances.” -Klaussie

“Next time, can you pick a gas station that ISN’T in the middle of nowhere?” -C

“Did Isaac ever deliver cold hard cash direct to your PayPal account? No!” -Greg

“Too many phone calls in the mor-NING!” -C, describing his job as a radio jingle

“Semi-Quotable of the 2010s--Hundreds of quips enter, Adam Nedeff wins because he's funny and he has half of Hollywood under his thumb.” -Klaussie

“You’re not you when you’re thirsty.” -Q, the Double Entendre of the Year

“Nobody ever robbed a convenience store to get sugar money.” -Brandon

“If you're mad at rich peoples kids for getting special acceptance/treatment at college and you aren't mad about all the athletes that get the same thing you're a hypocrite. Ya'll leave Aunt Becky alone.” -Stephanie

“Damn it! I used too much stick.” /Ethan

“And her tights say two cents a dance.” -Kimberly

“Go home, That’s Right. You’re clearly on meth.” -Evil Travis

“I paid $700 for THAT?!” -Klaussie

“Florida is now under a Jim Cantore watch.” -Braden

“Good Brother, but Bad Mother!” -Gordon

“Dude. Even Nike hates Duke!” -D

“For 15 points, Will Smith’s arrogant cousin Hillary appeared in an episode of NBC’s hit sitcom Blossom. Another episode of blossom featured Don Novello playing the role of Father Guido Sarducci, and Father Guido Sarducci also popped up on an episode of Married...With children. Stay with me here. David Faustino’s character Bud Bundy also popped up all the Fox network sitcom Parker Lewis Can’t Lose. In another episode of Parker Lewis Can’t Lose, Parker crosses paths with grown-up Eddie Haskell, who of course,We all remember from Leave It to Beaver. His next-door neighbors, June, Wally, and Beaver Cleaver were all characters in an episode of the Love Boat. Now there is this other episode of the Love Boat where all of Charlie’s Angels are on board. In an episode of Charlie’s Angels, Dan Tanna shows up from Vega$. But that’s not important right now. Remember when I said Parker Lewis had crossed paths with Eddie Haskell? Well Eddie also popped up on an episode of Hi Honey I’m Home. So did Gale Gordon‘s character Mr. Mooney, who you might remember from the Lucy Show. There’s an episode of the Lucy Show where Lucy crosses paths with Private Gomer Pyle, USMC, who, of course originally appeared on the Andy Griffith show, which was a spinoff of Make Room for Daddy. On an episode of Make Room for Daddy, Danny encounters Buddy Sorrell, one of Alan Brady’s writers on The Dick Van Dyke Show. Alan Brady later appeared on Mad About You, where Ursula was the twin sister of Phoebe from Friends, and Phoebe’s friend Chandler Bing showed up on Caroline and the City, where Caroline draws a popular comic strip that is read and enjoyed by Daphne Moon, the caretaker for Dr. Frasier Crane’s disabled father. Dr. Crane used to hang out at a Boston bar called Cheers, where Norm, Cliff, and Carla encounter Drs. Auschlander & Westphall, but on a landmark 1988 broadcast, we learn that Drs. Auschlander & Westphall never existed and that all of the shows I mentioned in this question are logically the figments of the imagination of Tommy Westphall, Who is the only character who demonstrably existed on what beloved medical drama?” -Adam

“Snapchat Catch Phrase!” -Will & Erinn

“#1800235DEAD!” -...damn near everybody

“Charles Stiles, Mystery Diners.” -Charles Stiles, Mystery Diners

“This tea is delicious.” -Kimberly === Here’s to 2019... Come together, just think of tomorrow.

[reactingtosomething]

Reacting to Baby Driver

The Wright Amount

The Setup: For this post we’re thrilled to bring you two Guest Reactors, both former film school classmates of ours, and both Edgar Wright aficionados. One is Andrew, one half of the Punder Twins (we hope you’ll meet the other half in the foreseeable future), and the other wanted a codename like Bats and Buddy, so we’re calling him BOB. All caps, because BOB likes that it works as an acronym for “Boring Old Bob.”

SPOILERS -- and fan/re-casting -- after the jump!

MIRI: Ok, so what did we think of Baby Driver?

ANDREW: Oh we're starting this? It was very, Edgar wright-y

KRIS: I don’t know how much this will matter, but for context I thought it might be fun to start with everyone’s favorite (pre-Baby Driver) Edgar Wright movies/moments

MIRI: I went into the movie not really expecting to like it (the trailers just didn’t grab me the way they did SO MANY people) so I was actually really pleasantly surprised by how much I liked it

Ooh, I like that

What are yours?

BOB: "You ain't ever seen Bad Boys 2?" - Hot Fuzz

KRIS: With the caveat that I haven’t rewatched any of them, I think my favorite is Scott Pilgrim

ANDREW: The entirety of Scott pilgrim vs the world 

KRIS: which admittedly has the unfair advantages of Anna Kendrick and Aubrey Plaza

But also “Chicken’s not vegan?”

Just an insanely stacked cast

ANDREW: I was about to say that!

MIRI: I’d have to go Sean of the Dead

*Shaun

BOB: 

KRIS: Of the Cornettos I do think Hot Fuzz is my favorite

ANDREW: Mine too! I still wish he directed ant man. I mean, I liked ant man. But...

MIRI: Hot Fuzz is excellent, but Shaun of the Dead just surprised me so much in so many delightful ways

KRIS: Oh also I liked that in the big GQ interview Chris Evans did when he got cast for Captain America, he mentioned that his friends thought his Scott Pilgrim character was hilariously spot-on, though maybe they thought this ironically

I’d have to revisit the piece, which I feel like is semi-legendary in entertainment journalism circles

BOB: I really like how he took that film and made it both a reflection of the action genre as a whole while also making it very much so an original film 

KRIS: I’ll try to find and link

MIRI: Yeah, he does great things with loving parodies

KRIS: Shaun of the Dead was definitely revelatory, although I probably saw it a year or two too early to fully appreciate it

BOB: Which when I watched Baby Driver, you could say he does the same to an extent with heist and car chase movies

MIRI: This didn’t feel as much like a sendup to me as it did just an example of the genre

BOB: It has a little Reservoir Dogs / The Killing (Kubricks) feel to it with the nicknames

KRIS: Guillermo del Toro’s very complimentary Twitter thread about the movie made a point of stressing that where Wright has previously been ironic, Baby Driver was newly and lovingly earnest

MIRI: Yeah, I’d agree. And in some places that worked better for me than others

ANDREW: I concur with the famous director.

MIRI: I’m curious--on a scale of 1-10 how much did you guys love this movie?

BOB: 9.5 

ANDREW: ...8?

BOB: Maybe cause i am sucker for the non verbal acting in the first half and the syncing of music with action 

ANDREW: That's true. The non verbal acting was top notch.

KRIS: I’m probably a 6.5 - 7? I liked but didn’t love it, and the framing for my expectations is that I follow approximately 3 million film critics on Twitter and everyone who saw the movie screen at Austin L O V E D it

MIRI: I’m somewhere around a 6.5 or a 7. It’s totally fun! The performances are great! But it’s also pretty lazy in some ways and has some plot issues. But the action is GREAT

KRIS: The physicality of Baby was definitely great

(Do we know that actor from anything?)

BOB: Fault in our stars

MIRI: Kris, I love you

He’s also in the Divergent films

and he’s the new Han Solo

ANDREW: He is also in baby driver

MIRI: This definitely seems like a step away from the teen heartthrob of it all for him

KRIS: The new Han Solo is Alden Ehrenreich. Same initials, different dude

MIRI: Ohhh oops

BOB: Fact check - han solo is alden something

They look very alike though!

MIRI: Was Elgort in the mix at one point or am I 100% wrong?

BOB: However... he is credited as Ansolo in Bad Santa 2

Yes he was

MIRI: Ok, that makes me feel slightly better

BOB: Damn this guy is only 23!

MIRI: OOOhhh, Alden Ehrenreich is the kid from Beautiful Creatures

I’m never going to get them fully separate in my head now

ANDREW: Bob! Don't look at ages!

It's depressing.

KRIS: (To our guests: we also have frequent and lengthy digressions)

(we very briefly tried to fight it but we know our limits)

MIRI: My favorite person in this movie was definitely Joseph, the foster dad

ANDREW: My favorite was Kevin spacey's kid.

KRIS: I kind of wished we’d gotten more of Jon Bernthal but I did love the Joseph scenes

OH YEAH

He was great

ANDREW: Oh my god, yes! I thought Jon was gonna come back!

I almost forgot he was in the movie.

BOB: Back to BD, BOB is very interested in getting his hands on seeing how much of the movie was motivated by the actual words on the page. A bevy of characters like the nephew and Jon Bernthals limited scenes. Heck even the small bits like the postal worker were interesting

MIRI: I liked the interactions with the postal worker

The headshake played really nicely

BOB: One plot hole for me was who was the hero that tried to ram them (The Flea/Brian Tee trio) because that guy had some guns on him

KRIS: I did really like how IMMEDIATELY everything went to shit in that moment

The second act really dragged for me but I thought this started and ended really strong

MIRI: That’s the plot hole that bothers you?

KRIS: Say more BOB

ANDREW: Damn you good Samaritan! 

BOB: Seemed like a setup that wasn't fully explained. Was Brian Tee's character in on it? Is that why he got s bullet in the head? Or was it more so over the fact that he fucked up 3 times

MIRI: He seemed like an ex-military hired security guy to me

BOB: Mike myers, dragged getting into car, left his shotgun

KRIS: I think he was just a Good Samaritan but he had a Marine Corps hat

BOB: I noticed that hat too but unsure if there was a fix there

MIRI: Oh, I thought it was additional hired security since there had been so many robberies lately

BOB: Miri good point!!!

KRIS: Oh, I didn’t think about it after the movie but in the moment I thought the lost shotgun would come back to bite them

ANDREW: Ooooh that's smart. ... I hope that it.

BOB: Yes likewise about the shotgun 

MIRI: Yeah, I definitely thought the shotgun would come back

I did like the clear willingness to take out allies like that

BOB: What plotholes bugged you MS?

MIRI: BUT that makes me buy Doc helping Baby TO THE EXPENSE OF HIS OWN LIFE even less

BOB: Yes that was good. Start of seeing how Bats was real fucked up

KRIS: Yeah, I did like the setup of Doc’s operation a lot

BOB: Bats killed him

Not Doc

MIRI: I get the weird affection, but that carried it way beyond believability to me.

There’s no planting of that (at least not any that works for me)

ANDREW: I don't know. I bought doc helping baby.

MIRI: Oh, Bats killed him? How do we know that?

BOB: "Moment you catch feelings, moment you catch a bullet."

KRIS: But it would’ve been on Doc’s orders, right?

MIRI: But the guy didn’t catch feelings, he was just bad at his job

BOB: He was already riled up. And he is very trigger happy

Perhaps Docs orders but he didn't seem type to get dirty.

He caught a feeling of being dumb then! Lol

MIRI: I don’t buy Doc helping Baby. Baby destroyed his whole operation, put his actual loved ones in jeopardy, and is now leaving him meaning he can’t pull any jobs for/with him ever again. Plus Doc definitely seems like a survivor above all else, which helping Baby totally invalidates

BOB: Would it have made sense if say Doc was like a relative ala how we see him train the nephew?

MIRI: Sure, but he’s not

BOB: I thought it was gonna go in that direction

ANDREW: You’re right, but he essentially raised Baby and worked with him for like a decade. Albeit forcefully. Do you really think after all that doc would just shoot baby in the face?

However logical it seems?

MIRI: For the level of betrayal Baby has just given him, maybe

ANDREW: Doc seems likes family man to me.

MIRI: Or at least let him twist on the rope he’s put up himself

ANDREW: A sick

KRIS: I buy Doc not killing Baby, if not the risks he then takes on Baby’s behalf

MIRI: He definitely seems like a family man, but I don’t think he treats Baby as family enough to justify the turn for me

ANDREW: That fair.

MIRI: Agreed

KRIS: I think meeting his son, and seeing how the kid is totally well adjusted, is part of setting that up

BOB: Doc shooting up people was a stretch 

MIRI: The kid was his nephew, I think

BOB: I buy the take this money and run angle a lot

Yes nephew

ANDREW: Then baby is the son he never had!

Son of a bitch!

MIRI: But he’s clearly close with him--watches movies with him, etc. He doesn’t spend time with Baby outside of business

BOB: He bought him dinner!

ANDREW: He bought him dinner!

MIRI: i’m with Kris--I don’t think he would have killed Baby necessarily, but he goes way further than I believe

He bought him dinner once, and partially as a chance to threaten Debbie and get Baby back into the game

BOB: He talks to him perhaps more so whenever he picks up him for a job

KRIS: I can sort of see dots to connect from Doc being willing to order terrible things but deliberately distancing himself from them to avoid catching feelings, because he knows or suspects that if he gets too close then he’ll stop being the criminal mastermind he wants to be

MIRI: He’s clearly closer with him than with most employees, I’m not denying that!

I just don’t think they put in enough groundwork to make me believe the turn

KRIS: I don’t think the movie does that work for you

MIRI: The movie expects me to buy emotional connections that it doesn’t show on a couple of fronts

The fact that Deborah is willing to run away with a guy she BARELY knows is ridiculous

BOB: Stop trying to catch feelings Miri!!! Bats may be listening!

ANDREW: Bro, that train I can get on.

MIRI: Even without the bank robber, just shot someone right in front of her thing

ANDREW: I kind of wanted Debra to say "thanks but no thanks" in act three.

That would have been a funny twist.

MIRI: I would have been into that

BOB: It happens... maybe she felt protected?? But they do have moments where they are similar. The love for the road, the music, the need and want to escape 

Maybe she was tired of the old humdrum reality of things

ANDREW: But baby just shot a man at the diner

BOB: Ala Thelma and Louise

MIRI: Right, they have the building blocks for dating, but not “Run away from everyone you’ve ever known with me forever”

Thelma and Louise were lifelong friends

BOB: I'm comparing the desire versus status of relationship length

MIRI: Baby and Deborah have had like 7 conversations

KRIS: (Oh god for like days I’ve been confusing Lily Collins with Lily James)

ANDREW: Most of them are about names.

MIRI: (Me too! Can I blame you this time??)

KRIS: (Yes, because you were there when I did it out loud)

BOB: Too many Lilys and Han Solo look alikes!!

MIRI: BOB: Right, but the “you jump I jump” of it all makes sense because of the love that’s already there. You don’t risk it all for a virtual stranger Basically, I think some of the relationships are weak. They knew what marks they wanted/needed to hit, but didn’t do the work of getting there well

KRIS: I think they do establish that Debora doesn’t have anything in her life early on, but I agree that across the board the movie wants me to make emotional leaps that it doesn’t work to achieve

HOWEVER

MIRI: When there’s an actual depth of relationship like between Baby and Joseph it WORKS

Buddy and Darling work

KRIS: For the sake of argument, there’s this “all the characters in Baby Driver are archetypes” case I’ve seen floated

MIRI: (we have three spellings of Debora’s name going and Kris is right about it)

KRIS: Which doesn’t work for me, but I want to know how you feel about it

In fairness, I have IMDB open

MIRI: Eh. Feels like an excuse. Especially when there are the examples of genuine emotional connections

ANDREW: Can we talk about how there are only two female characters in the movie? 1 is a love interest and the other is fodder for Jon Hamm to be the villain?

MIRI: I would say that Debora and Darling fit the Madonna/Whore archetypes to a disturbing level

KRIS: AND EIZA GONZALEZ IS 20 YEARS JON HAMM’S JUNIOR

ANDREW: Genre be damned. That's a little ridiculous.

MIRI: more than a little

BOB: Hmmm interesting point Andrew! But what about the Mom? So 3?

KRIS: She’s not a “character”

MIRI: The mom isn’t a character

ANDREW: Fodder for baby to have tinnitus?

MIRI: she’s an excuse for maintain

*manpain

BOB: Ahh man pain 

MIRI: She has no arc or actions, and her only voice is filtered through Baby

Also, they do an interesting thing of rarely showing her face fully, which I assume is due to his memories being limited/fading

and it’s very cool on that front

BOB: Ditto with Miri

MIRI: but also she’s about 1/4 of the women in the entire film and we barely see or hear her

it’s not great

Can we take a moment to imagine how much more interesting the Buddy/Darling dynamic would have been if their ages and roles were reversed?

Just for fun

ANDREW: No. I was kind of hoping for something more out of Darling. But then she got shot... a lot.

BOB: Maybe if Doc was a female then perhaps the whole giving themself up in Act 3 seems more believable

MIRI: Because I would have been totally there for that

ANDREW: I was just thinking that Miri!

BOB: She got shot the fuck up

This movie put the female characters through the ringer in terms distress and pain

MIRI: The whole benevolent tolerance of Baby thing that Buddy does would have hit so harder from a potential mother figure when it went away

Yeah, it’s very lazy on that front. And--much as we love him!--not super surprising from Wright

He doesn’t seem to hate women by any stretch, he just doesn’t really seem to think of them much

KRIS: I want writer-directors like Edgar Wright and Christopher Nolan to have to take a seminar co-taught by like, Ava Duvernay and Patty Jenkins

MIRI: Is there more than one female character of note in any of the films he’s written and directed (not based on preexisting property)?

BOB: Now you have me catching feelings... questioning my overall thoughts

MIRI: YES

Also, I want to take those seminars too!

Sorry, BOB

BOB: Sign me up

MIRI: But also not sorry because it’s important to be critical of the media we love!

And the dude is clearly smart and awesome and I expect better of him

ANDREW: True that!

MIRI: Female Baby would have been interesting too

BOB: Very true... i guess I was caught up with the beauty of the action and syncs with music. Didn't take a step back to examine the archetypes 

I'm down to an 8 now

KRIS: I do think that Lily James and Eliza Gonzalez both do a lot with a little, but I also want to point out that that’s something actresses in every genre and every budget range have to do all the time

MIRI: SO true

KRIS: Also here is a tweet for Miri:

https://twitter.com/carolineframke/status/880639492025090048

MIRI: HAHAHHAHAHA

BOB: Still thinking about your posed question

MIRI: I love Caroline Framke

KRIS: About reversing the age dynamic?

BOB: I loved Lily James in this

KRIS: I’m trying to think of who I’d like to see in that reversal

BOB: Daisy Ridley?

MIRI: Ooh

BOB: Or in the Buddy / Darling?

MIRI: Wait, Daisy Ridley as female Baby? I’d be into that

KRIS: Buddy/Darling I mean

Ohhhh

BOB: Helen Mirren / Dave Franco 

KRIS: I don’t know that she’s my first choice but I could see it

MIRI: Ooh, interesting! Even more of an age gap, but I’m not it

ANDREW: No... James Franco. 

Spring breeeeeeak

MIRI: Maybe Marisa Tomei and someone?

BOB: Susan Sarandon / Zac Efron

MIRI: (Spring Break fo’evaaaaa)

BOB: Ahh Marisa! Aunt freaking May

KRIS: I almost went with like Kate Beckinsale/anyone but then I thought about all the thinkpieces about movies/TV that keep pairing brown men with white women

MIRI: She’s a similar level of hot and unexpected for a vicious role like this

GINA TORRES

GINA TORRES AND SOME HOT YOUNG DUDE

BOB: Hmmm let's switch it up.... Viola Davis / White dude

KRIS: Or like Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez would’ve killed in this

BOB: Ahhh J Loooooo

MIRI: Omg yes to both of those

BOB: J lo and Drake

MIRI: Drake’s not young enough, is he?

ANDREW: De age him 

MIRI: Ooh ooh ooh, John Boyega

JLo and John Boyega

BOB: No he seems to big in size

For J Los taste

MIRI: This tangent has gone wildly afield and I like it

KRIS: This is making me think we should make fan-cast pieces a regular thing on Reacting to Something, not that it’s super original but it would be fun

BOB: But i like that it'd be interesting to see her be the one in control and she is super tiny

MIRI: YES LET”S DO THAT

BOB: slap hands!! Yes

MIRI: I think JLo could play that

KRIS: It’s also making me think of a writing exercise Writing Teacher likes to suggest, where you have a stack of locations, a stack of actors, and a stack of genres on index cards, and you draw randomly and have to come up with loglines

BOB: 

MIRI: Wait why are we not doing that as a party game?

KRIS: Oh she also always includes tequila when she says this

MIRI: I am IN

KRIS: Literally always

BOB: I like tequila

That would be a fun game 

MIRI: I might do gin instead sometimes, but I am IN

KRIS: We’ve never actually done it but she likes it as a brainstorming thing

MIRI: ok, we should maybe talk some more about Baby Driver

Let’s talk about the awesome music some, because it really was great!

KRIS: Yeah

BOB: Actually I have a game like that minus the whole actors/ actresses names

KRIS: You still have to write a Saoirse Ronan movie, BOB

Film school cohort reference, sorry readers

ANDREW: I would like to talk about something I did really like though, and that was the use and portrayal of tinnitus. I know a few people with the condition, one more severe. But whenever there isn't music, there is a faint ringing in the sound.

KRIS: (I like that the all caps just comes off as accusatory)

MIRI: Say more, Andrew

ANDREW: How it’s something he lives with, but it's also his biggest weakness.

Like when Jon Hamm blows out his ducking hearing at the end.

BOB: Don't remind me Kris :-(

MIRI: Oh I misread that as something you DIDN’T like, whoops

ANDREW: Fucking*

MIRI: OMG that was such a vicious move!

Honestly, I didn’t expect it

And I may have jumped in my seat a little

BOB: It was vicious and a great line/scene

MIRI: Totally

KRIS: Yeah

MIRI: I expected the whole kill your girl thing, but the hearing was a great touch

ANDREW: It's just nice to see people acknowledge that it exists. And having it shown with accuracy.

MIRI: Did anyone else not super buy his whole Quirky Thing?

ANDREW: Which quirky thing? There are like 30z

MIRI: Exactly

KRIS: And whose quirky thing?

MIRI: Baby’s

It felt like a very deliberate persona

ANDREW: It did, yeah.

KRIS: I mostly bought the mixtape stuff etc. as an extension of his obsession with music between both the tinnitus and his mom

MIRI: I liked him a lot when he wasn’t performing--when he’s dancing around in the apartment, etc--but as just a dude on the street who doesn’t care that he’s walking out in front of people all the damn time it’s a bit much

The mixtapes I buy

ANDREW: I liked that he had 5 pairs of sunglasses.

KRIS: I actually bought his clumsiness on the street because I read it as a cost to having to pump music into his ears all the time

MIRI: And the iPods, now that I’ve read the Edgar Wright explanation that he finds them (and the sunglasses) in cars

BOB: I can understand it as him thinking its a little game the first time he does that

But yeah running into people is just rude!! Expected someone to deck him

ANDREW: Ooooh I like that he finds them in cars.

MIRI: He just felt like he was trying really hard to be weird a lot of the time

(Right? that’s a nice detail!)

ANDREW: I didn't even think of that. But I love it!

MIRI: But then again, he only feels comfortable with a very small number of people, so I guess a persona is not surprising

BOB: Just thought of anther Baby - Chloe Grace Moretz! 

KRIS: I’ll say I didn’t really buy him as turning out to be a badass

MIRI: And the bigness of it all makes a lot of sense with Joseph, since ASL relies pretty heavily on exaggerated gesture to convey tone

KRIS: I’m going to pitch Saoirse Ronan, who is also 23

MIRI: Really? It semi made sense to me as an extension of his driving insanity

KRIS: Not just because I’m giving BOB shit

Hmm

MIRI: omg YES to Saoirse Ronan

KRIS: (BOB have you seen Hanna yet?)

MIRI: Like, he’s super willing to take risks and put it all on the line when driving. He doesn’t have a desire to be violent, but when put in the position to be I believe him capable

BOB: Yeah not a badass. The him running and jumping scene when he escaped and jumps over the car was a little crazy. Only reason I could see it being believable is because he had a pull up bar in hid kitchen and he might work out or like to swing around and shit.

MIRI: (I haven’t seen Hanna yet and I know I need to)

KRIS: (I FORGOT YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT)

BOB: (no ... stop making BOB feel bad)

MIRI: Him being able to outrun the cops surprised me some

(I KNOW, I KNOW)

ANDREW: I... also haven't seen it.

BOB: (Let's watch Hanna Miri)

MIRI: (Is ist streaming anywhere??)

KRIS: I almost bought the parkour-lite, because it seemed to be an extension of how in tune he is with his physicality

ANDREW: Sorry Kris.

BOB: (Checking Netflix)

MIRI: Yeah, that makes sense. Except that I’m also supposed to be ok with him being super clumsy and unaware other times

KRIS: I forgive you Andrew

MIRI: Maybe it’s all a matter of focus?

KRIS: (Miri/BOB Guest Reaction!)

BOB: (no sadly)

MIRI: (I’m checking Amazon)

BOB: Yes matter of focus like an adrenaline rush??

ANDREW: Yeah, probably.

KRIS: That and it doesn’t involve him in direct confrontation with another human

BOB: (No to amazon)

KRIS: the same way driving is impersonal

ANDREW: I empathize with that.

MIRI: (rentable, though. We could do a watching party sometime)

KRIS: I own Hanna

MIRI: (Oh, sweet)

KRIS: should’ve led with that

MIRI: Way to abandon the parentheses convention too

KRIS: SORRY

MIRI: 😉 

SOMEONE TALK ABOUT THE MUSIC IN BABY DRIVER

I liked it

ANDREW: Is there a reason half the convo is in parenthesis?

MIRI: Yes, because it was an aside about Hanna, not anyhting about Baby Driver

KRIS: I thought it worked the way Wright wanted it to, and BOB and I talked about how it’s almost like the logical next step of what Guardians of the Galaxy does with its music supervision

MIRI: it theoretically helps keep this tangle all straight when you read it

Does it, readers?

BOB: I liked how he used the music to drive (pun intended) a lot of the action and dialogue 

MIRI: Hmmm, how so, Kris?

ANDREW: Ooooooooooooooh. I get it.

MIRI: Also, how many steps between this and the jukebox musical format? Because I feel like it’s getting close

KRIS: But we’ve previously established on this blog that I much prefer instrumental scores to needle drops, and at some point that’s more a taste thing than an artistic criticism

MIRI: Not that I mind that

ANDREW: Like one. Baby needs to actually sing.

BOB: Wright had the music in mind as he wrote it ala James Gunn but it does more than just be backdrop music or something that comes on when play is clicked

MIRI: Kris hates excessive needle drops so much, you guys

BOB: I love needle drops

MIRI: Does the fact that it’s all diagetic make it more palatable, Kris?

KRIS: I guess what I mean -- and BOB please interject here -- is that Guardians uses really well chosen needle drops as a critical part of Peter’s emotional arc

Yes

ANDREW: I agree with that too, actually.

KRIS: And Baby Driver takes that to 11 by syncing it to the physical action

MIRI: I’m with you

BOB: Like the Jamie Foxx scene where he tells him to play something funky --> shootout --> Tequila line

KRIS: That like half-second shot of Buddy cocking Darling’s pistol in time with the music in the warehouse gunfight is super cool

BOB: The music itself lended to the shootout scene

KRIS: And of course the timing of Buddy’s shots in the shootout with the cops when Darling gets killed

ANDREW: That was pretty sweet!

MIRI: I also liked him making them wait for him to restart the song on the second job

BOB: Whenever a drum banged, a gun shot rang out

ANDREW: That's me. That's what I would do.

MIRI: God, that one was screwed from the beginning, wasn’t it?

KRIS: Yeah, and I read that partly as a way he has to compensate for his hearing being compromised

BOB: Haha yes it was Miri

MIRI: Yeah, the shooting synchronization was obviously awesome

KRIS: Presumably he knows all the streets of Atlanta really well so he figures out his route ahead of time and syncs it to his playlist

Have any of you been to Atlanta?

Or I guess spent serious time there?

MIRI: Yes, but it was about 6 years ago and I didn’t drive

So no

ANDREW: Nope!

KRIS: I’ve seen/heard different opinions on how well it’s used as a location

And I was just curious if any of you knew it well enough to comment

BOB: I've seen the show... that count?

MIRI: Yeah, lots of relief that something shot in Atlanta is actually being presented as Atlanta instead of New York or whatever

But some people feel like they kept it very surface level, right?

KRIS: Right

Almost touristy, I guess is that line of thought

MIRI: I’ll agree that it didn’t have a particularly Atlanta feel in anything other than Baby’s accent (which ALWAYS surprised me every time he opened his mouth)

BOB: Yes much relief!! I liked that. Wish they had used Ludacris now that i think about it in the soundtrack... but perhaps since he is in F&F probably thought otherwise

KRIS: Hahaha

BOB: It felt somewhat like a different city when he walkef around during the coffee runs

Driving on the highways too.

This move may have been Miri’s favorite thing Baby did all movie

So it didn't have the NYC or LA feel to it

KRIS: Yeah, the first coffee run scene for sure definitely felt distinct in that way

“for sure definitely”

shut up Kris

MIRI: Don’t tell yourself to shut up, Kris

ANDREW: I didn't really realize it was in Atlanta. To me it was nameless city.

But, I don't know anything about Atlanta, so... *shrug*

Can I tell Kris to shut up?

KRIS: I also had that!

The not realizing where it was exactly

And yes

BOB: (Gonna be driving for next 10 mins - so a little radio silence on my part)

It felt like a Southern city though

Thanks to the accents

ANDREW: Good! I'm glad I'm not the only one, Kris. Now shit your pie hole!

KRIS: I need to get better at placing accents

MIRI: I guess the food didn’t feel very regional to me, and I would have expected it to

Better like you didn’t pick up that they were Southern? Or better like you didn’t read it as Atlanta specifically?

ANDREW: The second one, for me personally.

KRIS: Both that I definitely didn’t read Atlanta specifically, and that while I recognized Southern accents I didn’t connect the dots to “oh this is in the South”

MIRI: I don’t think most people not from the South would read it as Atlanta specifically, so I wouldn’t worry about that

KRIS: Partly because I think Southern accents are sometimes used in kind of a tropey way with characters like Debora

MIRI: They so are

ANDREW: Right!!

KRIS: And I guess I’m also just used to hearing Kevin Spacey as Frank Underwood?

MIRI: Yeah, I think I am too

ANDREW: Me three.

MIRI: Ok, any points (or random thoughts) left to address? 

ANDREW: Man, the last two action films I saw had Kevin Spacey and Robin Wright in them respectively...

MIRI: What Does It Mean??

I thought the dude describing guns as cuts of meat was incredibly Extra and I liked it

ANDREW: That we are in... a house of cards?!?!

KRIS: That we need a movie where Robin Wright punches Kevin Spacey in the throat

I also liked the gun thing

Although it’s hard to beat John Wick 2 for that

BOB: Lol a house of cards?!

Need to see that still

MIRI: “we need a movie where Robin Wright punches Kevin Spacey in the throat” YES YES YES OH MY GOD YES

I just need there to be an Antiope movie

And for most if not all of it to take place on Themyscira

I NEEEEEED it

KRIS: I feel like most people would agree this is a very surface-level movie, and that where opinions diverge is on whether that’s A) deliberate and especially B) a good/cool thing

MIRI: That’s fair

Where does everyone stand on both points?

KRIS: I have definitely liked style-as-substance things very much before

I mean again, John Wick comes to mind, at least the first one for this point

MIRI: John Wick might be style over substance, but I think it’s consistently so

KRIS: And Tarsem Singh’s wild Greek mythology action movie Immortals

But I don’t know, this lost me for a good long while in the middle

ANDREW: It also very auteur. In the sense of, if you watch this film, you either learn what wright is like as a director, or recognize his directing.

KRIS: For sure

MIRI: That’s the hanging point to me--if you want that as an excuse, you can’t go deeper on some parts. You have to stay on that level and have fun there 

ANDREW: Even if there are better films in his roster.

MIRI: Yeah, you always know you’re watching an Edgar Wright film

ANDREW: For me, it's more surface than anything else. Stylish and fun, but there are much better films of his, and better stylish films in general.

I guess it depends on how much you like Edgar Wright.

KRIS: Yeah, I definitely wouldn’t put this in the upper half of his filmography

MIRI: It’s definitely a fun movie. I enjoyed the whole thing in the theater, with some moments of having to just accept the flaws. 

KRIS: Which I guess is why the reactions out of Austin surprised me in hindsight

Oh I did really like that Baby didn’t get away

MIRI: Basically, if you can resist pulling the threads and you want a car chase movie it’s exactly what you want

KRIS: Although I don’t know that I loved him getting out of prison early

ANDREW: Me too!!!

MIRI: Yeah, I’m surprised it’s been as critically loved as it has (and largely without caveat)

ANDREW: What a twist!!!!

MIRI: Yes, that was an actually unexpected beat and I really liked it!

KRIS: Yeah I was really like “Man, how is he going to end this?” and then he really did the right thing and went with something that felt both surprising and inevitable

MIRI: Props to Mr. Wright!

ANDREW: I was still expecting him to escape Bourne style into the water until he got the cuffs thrown on.

MIRI: That would also have been a turn

ANDREW: Like Debora would smile as Baby swims away and the action music will play.

And credits.

KRIS: And the structural success there again makes the characterization choices frustrating to me

https://twitter.com/tvoti/status/881358030016618497

MIRI: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA

KRIS: I didn’t actually CARE that much about Baby

MIRI: Well that’s not a great thing, is it?

KRIS: I would’ve dug a Bourne style ending

Although I could also see it feeling tonally more like previous Wright films than this one

Because it was such a “Fuck yeah!” moment in Ultimatum

MIRI: I think Debora should have busted out unexpected abilities and gotten them out

KRIS: And I guess this was generally more elegiac

ANDREW: The Baby Ultimatum.

MIRI: hahahahaha

KRIS: A+

ANDREW: Or the Bourne Driver?

KRIS: We need a Punder Twins reaction at some point

I’m out of stuff but I want to wait for BOB to get back to check in one more time

MIRI: Btw, if Baby’s Saoirse Ronan I still want Debora to be a girl (which I know surprises no one)

ANDREW: The Punder Twins will always be there Kris, when you need us.

MIRI: Hmmmm, what should we have them React to?

KRIS: Something they could use as a Nostalgiology tie-in

#crosspromotion

ANDREW: *Shrugs* I'm up to anything.

MIRI: ANASTASIA

Because then there can be gifs of the dress to fully convey the wonder of it and I can talk more about Anastasia

Which is always a goal

KRIS: I have not seen Anastasia

MIRI: KRIS

KRIS IT’S A GODDAMN DELIGHT

ANDREW: In the dark of the night... Kris will watch it!

Watch it!

You'll get that someday, Kris.

MIRI: ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ 

KRIS: BOB I am starting an arbitrary countdown

I am not sure what the units are

Or how many of them

But it is happening in my head

MIRI: That is the most arbitrary of arbitrary

I like it

KRIS: What was the first song in Baby Driver? Let’s do the runtime of that

MIRI: I don’t know

KRIS: 

ANDREW: I think "Bellbottoms?"

Oh hey!

KRIS: THIS IS A VERY GENEROUS COUNTDOWN BOB

ANDREW: Let's hope he doesn't... bottoms out?

IM NOT SORRY!

KRIS: Oh now that I’m listening to it this was a REALLY fun opening wasn’t it

MIRI: You’re never sorry

ANDREW: It was!!!

MIRI: It really was

Although!

KRIS: Offscreen action is almost always a fun choice

MIRI: Him operating the windshield wipers dry BOTHERED ME

KRIS: Like in Mission Impossible 3

ANDREW: They didn't do a good amount of off screen action.

KRIS: I guess it wasn’t really offscreen here

But it sort of feels like it in my hazy memory

MIRI: But it was removed--we were seeing it from a distance

KRIS: BOB has 2 minutes

ANDREW: And the heist gone wrong had off screen action too. Before the Good Samaritan got involved.

KRIS: Oh yeah and that was used pretty well as a dramatic beat rather than a comic one

MIRI: The Heist Gone Wrong is a good title

What genre would we put this in?

ANDREW: Rom com

MIRI: I’ve seen it described as a comedy and it isn’t to me

Andrew

ANDREW: What?

MIRI: If it was a rom com she’d have held him not talking to her in front of his friends against him way harder

KRIS: Oh maybe that was also part of why it didn’t totally work for me, in terms of expectations

BOB the song is over

BOB

ANDREW: I was taking about the Heist Gone Wrong as a rom com!

MIRI: A lack of communication gone horribly awry is fundamental in rom coms

Ohhhhhhh

That makes sense

I meant to ask about Baby Driver

ANDREW: Oh! Action... thriller... musical?

MIRI: Is The Heist Gone Wrong our alternate universe version of this film with Ronan, JLo, etc? Because I’m into that

It is now

KRIS: Hmm

MIRI: Yeah, I’d put Baby Driver as action drama, not comedy

ANDREW: Yeah, it wasn't really funny.

KRIS: I’m thinking of how the Golden Globes lumps musicals and comedies together

MIRI: I mean there are definitely comedic beats! But they’re not the focus. Plus way too many people die if we’re going classical on our definitions

KRIS: There’s an element of genre snobbery

MIRI: Very much so

ANDREW: A lot of people do die in Shaun of the dead though.

KRIS: I like action musical

MIRI: But it’s not actually a musical

KRIS: Hmm

ANDREW: Its more of a... ballet

But with driving

MIRI: Yes!

Very apt description!!

ANDREW: And murder

Why thank you!

KRIS: Yeah, that’s good

MIRI: A...Ballet but with Driving and Murder for sub-heading?

KRIS: BOBDAMMIT

Yes

MIRI: hahahahhahahahha Bobdammit

Ok, we may just have to call it, guys

KRIS: I won’t hold anyone else hostage here if anyone needs to bail but I’ll wait it out

MIRI: Ok. I have to get my Orphan Black thoughts in order to post, so I’ll be around

ANDREW: It's up to you two. I'm a guest here.

BOB: Sorry reading 

KRIS: BOB!

MIRI: BOB’s back!

BOB: What's the question?!

KRIS: Just anything else you wanted to bring up

MIRI: We just didn’t want to wrap up without you

BOB: In a different life I am Baby

Very interested in the idea of reclassifying films such as this one with an alternate casting

Got me thinking all types of things now

MIRI: We should definitely make that a thing we do

KRIS: I actually really want to hear more about you-as-Baby, if you have more to say about that

BOB: Overall down to an 8 after the very Wright-ful comment on lack of women

MIRI: Andrew, he’s coming for your pun king crown!!

BOB: Well based on him driving and my life as a Lyft driver i started thinking about what I jam out to

ANDREW: Welcome to the fold, BOB.

BOB: But I enjoyed the film thoroughly and as mentioned yesterday want to get my hands on the script

To see how the link up and syncing up with action and music

MIRI: I wonder if Wright is a better director than he is a writer

BOB: I believe that despite its flaws with some characters and a few plot holes, as a whole should be considered for something award worthy because of its ingenuity with music and action

ANDREW: A Wright... er.

MIRI: I wouldn’t say it deserves best screenplay or anything, but a sound design nom would be well deserved

Especially factoring in the ringing

(Is that sound design or sound engineering? I always mess them up)

BOB: I think a Golden globe nod

ANDREW: I think design!

I could be wrong.

I'm probably wrong.

MIRI: Whichever I mean, that one!

KRIS: For the Oscars, Sound Editing is for making effects, Sound Mixing is for how you layer them together

So I could maybe see nods for both in this case

MIRI: So design isn’t even an option

That seems right

KRIS: I tend to say “sound design” as a safe/cop-out catchall

Oh I could totally see a Globe nod

BOB: How about its cinematography?

KRIS: in that weird Best Musical or Comedy category

MIRI: Hmmmm. I never really noticed the cinematography the way I did the sound

(don’t tell my dad)

Miri’s dad is a camera operator

KRIS: Same, except in that single shot coffee run

MIRI: Yeah, that was fun

BOB: It was shot really well

KRIS: But I would believe it was a hard movie to shoot, since most of the effects/stunts were practical

MIRI: They ought to get recognition for the stunts/driving

ANDREW: It was shot very stylistically too.

MIRI: Is there a stunt Oscar or Globe?

ANDREW: How many cars were destroyed in the making of this film?

BOB: Not yet

KRIS: I feel like I’ve heard that stunt people have been pushing for an Oscar?

Which should definitely be a thing

MIRI: Yeah, looks like no go yet

BOB: The Wright amount of cars were destroyed

KRIS: Oh my god

ANDREW: Son of a bitch!!!!

MIRI: Roughly 150, apparently 

ANDREW: Is that really the number?

Holy shit!

MIRI: http://www.cinemablend.com/news/1665810/the-crazy-number-of-cars-edgar-wright-used-for-baby-driver

Not sure they were all wrecked!

Just used

KRIS: I think we may have a new title contender

That’s also going to be hard to beat as an exit line

ANDREW: I will play Angel by Sarah McLaughlin as I think of those cars this evening.

Thanks very much to Andrew and BOB for Guest Reacting! You will almost certainly hear from them again.

For even more pop culture reactions -- just, uh, mostly from people who aren’t us -- follow us on Twitter!

[nadi-nadi]

100 questions tag

tagged by @justkeeponsimming obvi 💕

1. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED? closed, because i never leave them open omg

2. DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS? no, mine are better

3. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT? i had to google what does it mean and i think they’re out

4. HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE? no, everybody knows i’m a good girl, officer

5. DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST-IT NOTES? only to note what i want others to buy me

6. DO YOU CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM? imagine having coupons in poland, can’t relate

7. WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES? bees, at least i’d have a chance to live

8. DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES? no, but i wish i had some, freckles are soooo cute

9. DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES? mostly, because if i don’t i look like a rude cunt

10. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? oh boy, i could write an essay on my pet peeves

11. DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK? no, but lemme tell you i make like 3 and a half a day

12. HAVE YOU PEED IN THE WOODS? boy, i lived next to a forest for 12 years, of course i did

13. HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS? not sure, but i guess so?

14. DO YOU EVER DANCE EVEN IF THERES NO MUSIC PLAYING? yehhh

15. DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS? no, it’s gross but i do chew on straws (and i drink all cold drinks though a straw)

16. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK? none, i’m such a virgin

17. WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED? idk? 1,5 person??

18. WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK? annie lennox - don’t let it bring you down

19. IS IT OK FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK? iS iT oK FoR GuYs To WeAr PiNk?

20. DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS? no, i don’t really watch anything rn

21. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE? anything with adam sander, i hate his guts

22. WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME? up in my ass

23. WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER? water with lemons, i only drink water now

24. WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN? sand, chickens really love sand baths, they might become stressed when they don’t have some sand to bathe in :(

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD? i don’t know, i don’t care about food too much? i like vegan pizza tho

26. WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE? kill bill, american beauty

27. LAST PERSON, YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU? some random guy at a party, but it was a long time ago

28. WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT? no, i was too lazy

29. WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE? if my titties were a lil bit bigger then sure, i love myself

30. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER? 12 or 13 years ago me and my friend were writing letters because WE WERE KIDS AND I DIDN’T HAVE INTERNET BACK THEN

31. CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL ON A CAR? no, it gets you dirty

32. EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET? but...

33. EVER RAN OUT OF GAS? i don’t even have a car nor a driver’s licence

34. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF SANDWICH? i like sandwiches!!! with avocado, all kinds of vegan shit or with peanut butter

35. BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST? i only drink green tea for breakfast, how sad

36. WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME? midnight - 1am mostly

37. ARE YOU LAZY? is lana del rey the most beautiful woman in the world?

38. WHEN YOU WERE A KID, WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN? we don’t celebrate halloween in this shithole

39. WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN? the ox!!

40. HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK? polish, english, a lil bit of russian and i used to learn german but lmao the only thing i can say is “ich habe keine lust”

41. DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS? no, but now i wish i lived in the uk and subscribed to elle ehh

42. WHICH ARE BETTER: LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS? the fuck are lincoln logs lmaoooo

43. ARE YOU STUBBORN? as fuck

44. WHO IS BETTER: LENO OR LETTERMAN? dude i’m from poland, have some mercy

45. EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS? used to watch muñeca brava when i was little lmao

46. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? yesss, but i’m slowly overcoming the fear

47. DO YOU SING IN THE CAR? when i’m riding with my mom (this is our song) or with my brother

48. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? yes, i always start with florida kilos, then lolita and i like to end the show with black beauty (all by ldr)

49. DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR? sometimes, yes

50. EVER USED A GUN? does a bow count?

51. LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER? when i was 7

52. DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY? yes! but some of them are iconic (hsm!!!!)

53. IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL? i only get the second hand stress from everyone around me, i don’t celebrate christmas anymore

54. EVER EAT A PIEROGI? UM YESS?? i don’t like them that much but they’re so popular in poland omg

55. FAVORITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE? i... don’t eat pies :(

56. OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID? a hoe, a singer, a doctor, an architect blah blah, i just wanna be a sb now

57. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? kinda

58. EVER HAVE A DEJA-VU FEELING? all the time

59. DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY? not daily, but i take b12 weekly

60. DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS? y e s, do you guys walk around your house barefoot or what

61. DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE? rn? no. sometimes? yes.

62. WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED? p a j a m a s you naughty

63. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT? like... a concert of a person i really wanted to see? then none. but i’m seeing lana in august ahhhh

64. WALMART, TARGET, OR KMART? biedronka, tesco or lidl?

65. NIKE OR ADIDAS? both or none, idk

66. CHEETOS OR FRITOS? what are fritos :(

67. PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS? NUTS

68. EVER HEAR OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN? noo? ever hear of our lord and savior lana del rey?

69. EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS? not really, unfortunately

70. IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING? something that gets him lots of $$, idc what

71. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? :( no :(

72. EVER WON A SPELLING BEE? we don’t have thoooose, because in polish you spell everything the way it’s written, it wouldn’t be fun at all lmao

73. HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY? yeah, probably but i cry VERY rarely

74. OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS? i don’t, but my dad has shit ton of old classics

75. OWN A RECORD PLAYER? as above - my dad has one

76. DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE? regularly? no. sometimes? yehh

77. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? i only ever loved lana

78. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT? lana (obvi), the weeknd, cupcakke, marina

79. WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW? some shitband, i don’t even remember their name

80. HOT TEA OR COLD TEA? how much do you need to hate yourself to drink cold tea

81. TEA OR COFFEE? green tea, because HeAlThY

82. SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES? sugar daddies

83. CAN YOU SWIM WELL? i haven’t swam in like 8 years, but i think i still could, the only thing is i’m afraid of wetting my hair

84. CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE? for like 20 secs yes

85. ARE YOU PATIENT? very patient, maybe even too patient

86. DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING? what wedding aksjdlasfklaj I DON’T KNOW HER

87. EVER WON A CONTEST? yes, i won katy perry’s album once lmaoo

88. HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY? not yet *winky dinky*

89. WHICH ARE BETTER: BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES? none, olives are disgusting

90. CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET? my mom taught me how to knit but i don’t remember anymore

91. BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE? fireplace in every roooooooom

92. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED? NO.

93. IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED? ugh

94. WHO WAS YOUR HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH? i had some crushes, but they were all trash

95. DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY? i’m not gonna cry nor throw a fit, but i WILL get my own way, mostly

96. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? yikes, don’t even say that

97. DO YOU WANT KIDS? no i don’t, life’s so much more than getting married and fucking like rabbits

98. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? yellow

99. DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW? my mommy, my brother, my bff, also can you miss someone you’ve never seen? if so, then lana

100. WHO ARE YOU GOING TO TAG TO DO THIS TAG NEXT?

no one sksklafl but it was fun

[ravengirl94]

One of These Nights (Part 9)

Summary: Benny, without knowing anything about Twilight, manages to pull an Edward Cullen in New Moon

Pairing: Benny x Reader

Word Count: 2,300

SERIOUS WARNING: if you are triggered by descriptions of anxiety or panic attacks (including struggling to breathe), you probably should not read this. Other warnings include feelings of abandonment, angst, blood and death.

A/N: Ok, bear with me here. This part is... confusing. It jumps around a lot to get different perspectives and the Y/N parts are sort of choppy because, well, she’s upset. It is also horribly horribly sad. You thought the last part was bad? This one ripped even me apart, so proceed with caution. I love you. Don’t hate me. I’ll make it better. Maybe.

Find previous parts in the series masterlist

You didn't talk about it. Benny didn't give you the chance.

On the drive back, Benny was lost in his thoughts, slouched in the passenger seat of the truck as you drove them home to the bunker. His back ached, but it would heal quickly enough once he got one of his juice pouches, as you liked to call them. But he could wait the few hours until you were back at the bunker. He wasn't going to feed, not on you. Not ever. It wasn't even an option.

But that wasn't all Benny was thinking about.

He'd put you in serious danger. He'd put all of you in danger, just by being himself. By being a monster. It just wasn't natural for a vampire and a hunter to be together, and you were so young. You were too good for him, too kind, too clever, too perfect. But most of all, too human.

Benny couldn't let his friends stick their necks out for him anymore. When other hunters found out that you were friends with a vampire, living and hunting and fighting alongside a monster, they'd come after you. The Winchesters would be hunted down, as Martin had so conveniently demonstrated.

He couldn't let you protect him.

The only thing he could do to protect the boys, to protect you, was to leave.

Late that night, long after you were asleep, Benny untangled himself from your limbs. He gave you one last long kiss before rising from your bed and going back to his room to pack a single bag with only the necessities.

"I love you darlin…" he whispered, pausing in your doorway again on his way out. You looked so peaceful, so beautiful that it broke Benny's heart, and a few tears leaked from his eyes. He wiped angrily at his face, hurrying out of the bunker and starting the junk car Dean had stolen to get them there from Maine.

He had to keep you safe, and this was the only option.

Y/N:

You sighed and stretched, reaching out for Benny. Usually he had his arms wrapped around you, pulling you against his chest, and you missed his warmth. But your hands only met cold empty sheets, and your eyes snapped open as you sat up. Where would he have gone? He never got up before you now that the two of you were sharing your room. It was four in the morning, and there was no reason for him to be up. Maybe he couldn't sleep because of his back.

You swung your legs over the side of the bed and padded into the hallway, still wearing one of Benny's shirts and a pair of shorts. He wasn't in the kitchen, and when you opened the door to his room, a cold dread settled over you.

"Benny?" You called, turning and running to the library, checking every room on your way, praying you'd find him somewhere. That he'd come rushing at your panicked call. His dresser drawers had been empty, and the picture of the two of you he usually kept on the nightstand was gone. "Benny!" You yelled again, falling to your knees in the library, the sobs finally overtaking you.

"Y/N! Y/N! Hey!" A voice said, and you turned in desperate hope, but it was just Dean. He was wearing sweatpants and an old AC/DC t-shirt, squinting in the light. "What's going on?" He asked, concern written all over his sleep-lined face.

"Benny…" you choked out as Dean knelt beside you, one hand cupping your face. "He's gone." At those words, the tears overwhelmed you, pouring down your face while you struggled to breathe. Dean pulled you against him and you buried your face in the crook of his neck as his arms locked around you. But suddenly you pushed away from him.

"I have to find him. He might be in trouble," you mumbled through the tears. But Dean kept his tight hold on you, hands firm on your shoulders as you tried to turn away.

"Settle down, sweetheart," he said, "you're in no shape to go looking right now. I'm sure he's fine."

"I have to find him!" You practically screamed at him. He met your eyes, green staring into Y/E/C, his eyebrows raised just slightly. The look there scared you. It was a defeated, morose look. He felt bad for you, because somehow he knew Benny was gone. And that broke you. Dean pulled you back against him, his hands moving soothingly across your back.

"Sammy will go look for him, won't you Sam?" Dean said as he lifted you up, casting an alarmed gaze over to his brother, who had appeared in the doorway. He carried you towards your bedroom, but you shook your head, terrified at the thought of being in there when Benny was gone. So Dean paused, shook his head a little and then took you into his own room. You cried yourself back to sleep in Dean's arms, cradled against his chest.

Dean:

The next afternoon, after Dean had coaxed some food into you and talked you into taking a shower, he dialed Benny's cell number, but it didn't even ring. He must have turned it off, which meant they couldn't track it either. Dean wished they hadn't caught the vampire up to date with technology.

"Benny, what the fuck are you thinking?" Dean hissed as the voicemail beeped. He was in the kitchen, but he was still scared you'd hear him, glancing at the door nervously. "You'd better get your ass back here right now, dude. Y/N is a fucking mess, and I'm straight up pissed. You don't do this to your family. You don't just leave. Whatever this is, we can deal with it. Get back here." Dean hung up the phone and tossed it onto the kitchen table.

He really was pissed.

The last time he'd seen you anywhere close to this bad was when you'd first met. When you'd lost your father. He'd been a friend of Bobby's, and that was the first person you called, barely able to speak to tell him where you were. Dean and Sam had been the next state over, and Bobby had sent them to get you. They found you in a motel room, sitting on the bathroom floor and covered in blood. That time the person you loved had been taken from you, murdered by a monster.

This had been Benny's choice; he'd gone willingly and that ripped Dean apart inside. How could Benny leave you? How could he leave his family?

Dean's eyes snapped up as you stepped into the kitchen. You were wearing a pair of black yoga pants and one of Benny's flannels, your hands lost in the oversized sleeves. Your eyes were red and puffy, and you looked so miserable and small it broke Dean's heart.

"How you doin' sweetheart?" He asked gently. Even at such a small kindness, or maybe just having to think of how terrible things were, tears sprang into your eyes. You looked down at the floor, your mouth in a tight line as you fought the sobs. Dean moved quickly, pulling you against him, locking his arms tight around you. You'd always been there for him. Now he would be there for you.

"Have you… have you heard anything?" You managed between labored breaths. Dean squeezed his eyes shut at the hope in your voice, wishing he didn't have to be the one to tell you.

"No, baby. I'm sorry," Dean said, his hand moving in small soothing circles on your back as you cried into his shirt.

"Dean, what if… what if he…?" You didn't need to say the rest of the words for Dean to understand. Even through your pain you were worried about Benny falling off the vegan wagon.

"He won't, sweetheart. He doesn't eat people," Dean murmured, "and he took the blood bags with him." He leaned down and planted his lips against the top of your head, leaving them there for a long moment despite your damp hair. All he wanted was to tell you it would be okay. But how could he do that? It wasn't true. None of this was okay. The man you loved left. He left without warning, without explanation, without even saying goodbye.

He left you.

He left his family.

And Dean wanted to kill him.

Y/N:

You sat on the couch, staring blankly at the television. Something was playing, but you barely registered the noise or movement, stuck in your own miserable thoughts.

Benny was gone.

He just left.

You weren't sure what the predominating feeling was inside of you, but if you had to pick one, it would be emptiness. You felt like someone had ripped a hole right through you, leaving a gaping aching invisible wound that just wouldn't heal. Your chest ached, your stomach hurt, and there was a constant knot of anxiety that wouldn't let go even for a second. It kept you from eating, from sleeping and sometimes even from breathing.

How could he have gone? Why would he leave? What had you done wrong??

The thoughts circled in your mind, haunting you every moment of every day. Some part of you registered that Sam and Dean were worried, concerned with your silence, disturbed by your lack of… well, anything. It had been a couple weeks with no sign of Benny, and you'd practically collapsed in upon yourself. You didn't cry much anymore, but you didn't do much of anything at all. You hated that you were so weak, but even that anger couldn't do anything to combat the grief roiling inside of you. It was like a monster, a parasite that consumed everything, overwhelmed all other emotions and thoughts. And you couldn't shake it.

When you finally succumbed to exhaustion, it would be curled up with Sam or Dean, sometimes on the couch, sometimes in one of their beds. You hadn't even looked at your room since Benny had gone, and Dean made sure your door and Benny's old door remained closed at all times to avoid any triggers. If you'd been in your right mind, it might have amazed you how caring Dean had become. He coaxed you to eat and sleep and shower, was always nearby looking out for your every need, watching hours upon hours of mindless television just to keep you company. He never let you be alone, because he knew how much it terrified you. That it was the root of all of your fears and anxiety. The last time something like this had happened, he'd been there to help you pick up the pieces:

Blood, all you could see was blood.

Red smeared everywhere, on the floors, on the walls, on your skin and your clothes and in your hair. Dad was dead, he was ripped apart so brutally that you barely recognized him. Dead, gone, and that vampire had taken him. You hadn't been in time. You'd been too late to help, too late to save him.

You were shaking, hugging your knees to your chest, trembling uncontrollably and lucky to be alive.

Where were you? Dad was dead, but how had you gotten away? Had you left him there? Left him alone, just like you were. Alone, no one left in the world who knew you were alive, who cared that you were still breathing. That sent another wave of panic crashing over you, tightening your chest until it hurt to breathe.

Bobby, you'd call Bobby. Dad always said to call him if anything happened. With trembling hands, you looked for your cell phone, patting down your pockets. When you pulled it out, you punched in the numbers automatically, ignoring the red smeared on your hands, your arms, your phone.

"What?" Bobby answered in typical fashion, voice gruff.

"B-bobby," you stammered, still struggling to breathe.

"Who is this?" Bobby demanded. He was angry. Why was he angry with you?

"Y/N, T-Ted's daughter," you got out through clenched teeth.

"What's wrong, kid?" Bobby asked quickly, his tone softening immediately. But you just began to cry, the sobs wracking your body, rendering you unable to answer. "Tell me where you are, sweetheart. I'll get you some help."

The next thing you remembered was a loud bang, making you scramble to pick up the gun beside you. You aimed it at the bathroom door, but your hands were shaking so hard that you could barely hold it up. Someone called your name, his voice low and suspicious.

"Kid, are you here?"

"Dean, bathroom," another voice suggested. And then the door swung open, making you flinch, gun pointed in their general direction. Two faces peered down at you, eyes going wide with worry and shock as they took you in.

"Easy, kiddo. Put the gun down," Dean said, holding his hands out placatingly, "we're here to help. Bobby Singer sent us."

"B-bobby sent you?" You stammered, staring up at them.

"Yeah, sweetheart. Come on, put it down. We'll get you out of here."

Dean had saved you that day. He and Sam had cleaned you up, made sure your father got a proper hunter burial, and helped you get back on your feet. Slowly with their assistance you'd come to terms with your father's death, and then they'd helped you hunt down the bastard that killed him. It had been cathartic to exact your revenge, to make things right in the world. But this time, there was nothing to do. Maybe that was why you were so lost - there wasn't a way to make things right. Things just sucked and that was that. There wasn't a monster to kill, something to hunt down to get revenge for the person who had been taken from you. Benny took himself away. Willingly. You could see the masked rage in Dean's eyes when he looked at you, his fury over what Benny had done.

You'd never told Benny it was a vampire that killed your father. You hadn't wanted to bring it up, to make things worse, to make Benny feel even guiltier about what he was.

But why was it always a vampire that ripped your life apart?

Read Part 10

A/N: WHY BENNY, WHY?!?!

Everything Tags: @avengers4thewin @emoryhemsworth @ashleygee16 @dekahg @eileenlikesyou-maybe @fandommaniacx @deanssweetheart23 @babybrreena @theginamariestaytion @ria132love @docharleythegeekqueen

Series Tags: @just-a-chorus-girl-96 @piertotumlocomotor22 @lipstickandwhiskey @annice21 @fashiondiva88 @rowdyhooliganism @crowleysaveme @alexa-turtle @paintrider13-blog @stone-met

[princephil]

so i was at my friend's wedding and i was sitting there people watching and one of the groomsmen, bryan, came up to me and asked to dance okay now listen,, *corbin blue's voice* i don't dance,, however i wanted a boyfriend, a lesbian beard, if you will, so i jumped up and said "fkekfk sure" so we went to the dance floor (which was poppin btw because my friend is fun as hell) and he was dancing so (s o) close to me and was looking me in the eyes and smiling at me and i ?? hated it ???? (1/lmao??)

(tw: cancer, vomit)

so luckily he got pulled away to take pictures and i was left there with my sister and jon, best man and also male stripper, and i was feeling nauseous,, now i was feeling sick before bryan but i think bryan caused a lot of anxiety plus being on the dance floor and so i went outside and threw up like three times on the steps and i just sat there contemplating my current situation and then jon came out and sat down literally where i threw up but i didn’t tell him bc i’m a bitch (2/lmao??)

so i’m sitting here, and jon on my vomit, and we were talking about everything ever and he was drunk as heck but it was chill so then my sister, who btw thinks she’s literal cupid, with bryan and told me to stop “flirting” with jon so me and bryan sat down but it was too loud to talk so we went up to the roof (v pretty btw it was at a park at night with stars and string lights and overlooking the city wow) and we talked but as we were talking he was about to kiss me and i (3/lmao??)

(putting the rest under the cut because it’s long. i tried to leave it at a cliffhanger bc….the end…i’m just…the plot twist….this dude…..i’M SHOOK. EVERY1 SHOULD READ IT. also my reply is at the end too!!)

and i was trying my best just not to throw up again but anyways the bride and groom were leaving so we had to go down and do sparklers and we got a picture together but then he hugged me like at least twenty times and we got each other’s phone numbers (which i asked for ?????? because i’m socially awkward) and i was so sick like,, the car ride home i had my head out the window like a dog because my fever was so high but we made it home and the second i got home he texted me (4/lmao??)

(ok tumblr is being a dick so i had to retype this) he texted me “hey you looked beautiful tonight but i wish you could go swimming with us”,, me: is sick as hell, has body dysmorphia, doesn’t have swimwear, is 40 minutes away,, no thanks so i said “i’m actually pretty sick rn but we can hang out soon” and he said “i feel like you sister just didn’t want you to go” eh hem ok my sister is my best friend and i had known him for a whole five hours ?? don’t say that shit to me (5/lmao??)

so the next morning he said “good morning beautiful” or some lovey dovey name like that and he asked me when i wanted to hang out so i said a five days from then which was a friday, not too long ?? but he was like “noooo i want to see you like today” and i said “buddy my dude i’m so sick” and he sAid “i’ll hold your hair back if you throw up” i said “umm that’s nice but i don’t want that let’s wait until i’m not throwing up” but after many sleepless anxiety filled nights (6/lmao??)friday hit and although the fever was gone, i was just throwing up from anxiety (aren’t i cute) so i said “i’m still sick :///” and he said “noo pls come we can cuddle and watch all the harry potters” bITCH i’m love hp but not you and i’m don’t wanna cuddle so i said “wow that’s a long time” and he said “yep” ?? so then he suggested he cooked me dinner and i told him i’m vegan and he said “well wtf if you don’t like what i make then you don’t have to eat it” ??? buT it just has to be vEGan (7)

so basically he said that he had cancer (i sound like a bitch but just you wait) and he said that he was in a lot of pain so he went to the hospital and it was appendicitis so he got his appendix taken out so i stayed awake for dis bitch to text me and make sure he was okay and he wanted me to come over while he was recovering from surgery !! i said “mmm you should recover first” so he recovered and i was out dry of excuses but luckily the morning of our date he sent me “so i guess that was (8)

(this is getting so long i’m so sorry djsk) a waste of my time” and i was like “wtf i guess i won’t come over then ??” and he didn’t say anything and it was past the time i was supposed to leave so i just sent him “ok i guess you were a waste of my time” and i was in the grocery store and he called me like 10 times and texted me like 20 times freaking tf out and i got in my car and read them and he said “that wasn’t for you i fucked up” long story short the date never happened (next is last)

so when we made up we sent each other some dirty snapchats and i was like ?? why am i doing dis but anyways lemme give you a list of why he caused me major anxiety: freaked out about me being vegan, made me feel bad for being sick, made me feel guilty for his mistake, talked shit about me to my sister (that wasn’t smart of him), and lastly here’s the kicker ‼️ LieD about having cANceR ‼️ (found out about that recently),, so yeah that’s why i associate wedding with anxiety :) sorry it was long

??!?!?NDSADSJFSJ I’M SPEECHLESS WHAT’S WRONG WITH THIS DUDE I’M JUST….OMG????? LIKE EVERYTHING LEADING UP TO THIS WAS BAD BUT THEN THE LYING ABOUT CANCER PART??!?!?!?! W H A T BRYAN…….WHY ARE U LIKE THIS i seriously still cannot believe…im sitting at my laptop in awe omg thank u for sharing this story this was seriously a wild ride

[allmymisters]

Mr. Scarcore

Author’s Note: Please READ THIS before this particular story.

I wasn’t innocent at 19, but I also wasn’t seasoned. I was good at playing the game and being smart. I liked baiting and then having them actually be impressed by what I had to say. My mother always taught me if you could bring a man across the room with just a look, you had power. I met him at the house where I hung out. He played music with the guy I dated there, I say date, but honestly, it lasted for about a second. Anyway, this Mister, he wasn’t anyone I was immediately attracted to. He wasn’t very tall, he didn’t dress cool, and I couldn’t read him well. We ended up talking from time to time and I noticed he had a sharpness about him, cute freckles and funny lines. He eventually asked if I wanted to hang out sometime and I said sure.

I liked him, I just didn’t know how much I liked him. We had just started to get to know each other with a few make out sessions. He had announced his band was going on a mini tour for a week and we agreed to see each other when he returned. My roommate and I were settling into our new apartment, busy with our zine, and drinking copious amounts of coffee at the Village. We also loved to sit out on the tiny balcony outside her bedroom and crank Adolescents, Descendants and Crass on the record player, basking in the sun.

Boys in bands are frankly, attractive, especially when you don’t know any better. Boys in bands you love, well, they are unattainably attractive. At that time there was one particular guy whose cardigan I wished to prance around naked in and unfortunately, Trent Reznor was unavailable. We’ll call him Case for reference. He was Cobain hot and I was not prepared to discover on a particular balcony basking day that he was my downstairs neighbor.

Hey! Hey. What are you guys doin’? Listening to records. I didn’t know you guys lived here." Yeah, we just moved in. Cool. Feel free to come up anytime.

It’s so easy to play it cool when your stomach is doing flip flops at a hundred miles an hour. “…come up sometime?” What was I thinking. Like he seriously would come up and I was in no way cool in that delivery. He apparently didn’t think he was playing it that cool either because he decided to bait me with notes under my door which were essentially delivered to my bedroom. Who needed a living room when three of you were living in a one bedroom for $350 a month. The few notes he left were cryptic but I’m a sucker for words on paper. The mixed tape I received next was the clincher and he ended up coming up, you know to discuss the tunes he chose. I liked him in all his strangeness and hotness. We hung out as people did in 1992 without cell phones. We listened to music while he and I sat on my twin bed. He had put my roommates feather boa around his neck and had on sunglasses. I was listening to him talk, but I was thinking about his lips on mine. Apparently tickle fighting is conducive to make out sessions, long make out sessions. And then he was gone. I shut the door behind him and passed out asleep smiling, but wanting more. I got more. One afternoon I ended up in his apartment and we ended up in bed. Delightful. Afternoon delightful.

I wasn’t in a committed relationship. There were no boundaries set. Mister arrived a week later and he called me to hang out. He came over and as conversation flowed, and I was happy to see him, he suggested we go to lunch. As we descended the stairs, Case walked out of his apartment.

Hey man! Oh Hey. What are you up to? Just got back from that tour and grabbing some lunch. Huh, cool, you wanna come see this new amp I got.

“Fuck.” Yep, I had no idea they knew each other. It was a blur to me, all I heard was "guitar, amp, girlfriend.” Wait, girlfriend? I wasn’t anyone’s girlfriend! I couldn’t wait to get out of there as I cooly skimmed through some zine in the corner. I said bye, but I could see the confusion in those big brown eyes. I myself was confused with the whole “my girlfriend” reference. Mister luckily had to be somewhere and lunch was cut short and we didn’t really get into the whole girlfriend label thing. I ran back to the apartment and decided to explain things downstairs. He opened the door and the look on his face was not any kind of inviting. After explaining, he basically said he couldn’t do anything like that with me again, that it was obvious his friend had feelings for me and if he had known he would have never engaged in such activities. There you have it, decision made and humiliation followed. I kept my mouth shut and began a very committed relationship with Mister.

After living in my first apartment for a year, my roommates decided that we needed a bigger place. We weren’t hanging out as much and our boyfriends were pretty consuming. We found another place on the same row and it didn’t take long for it to become a haven for a variety of passersby, some whom, I didn’t want in my face while I was brushing my teeth some mornings. I dealt with it by spending many a night with Mister and his roommates. I also decided that I would be going back to school in the Fall to pursue my fashion career. I felt stable. A boyfriend. A job. An apartment. It all felt like the right time to go back to school since all the people I was meeting were either at VCU or still in high school. Straight edge kids hanging out at band houses was pretty commonplace back then.

It started unexpectedly. A year of our relationship had passed. There was meeting of the parents, exchanges of “I love you”, and this very meat and rice gal converting to vegetarianism to comply with his veganism. My roommate had come to visit me at his apartment. It was the only place she knew I’d be since I hated ours. I was just waiting for the ‘moving into together’ conversation with Mister. I remember she had called her boyfriend and you know when your friend or boyfriend says something you’re embarrassed by and you try and cover it up with the whole ‘Oh, they didn’t mean that..’ spiel? “Fuck that whore!” I don’t know how one covers that exclamation up. I genuinely don’t care what people think, but I do care what my friends think and he was a good friend. I also have never been associated with such verbiage in my life and so it was a little shocking to my ears. When I asked her about what he meant by that, she confronted me.

Did you fuck Case? Yeah, a while ago. Holy shit, why didn’t you tell me? Well, because it happened and then due to circumstances it was done. It was before any of this happened. It was in the beginning not during! Shit, man dudes are dicks, don’t worry about it.

So, I didn’t. And as all things Richmond, it didn’t take long for it to reach him. I was confronted with pierced lips and balled fists. I told him we hadn’t even started dating then and that it was way at the beginning. We talked about it and I was afraid he would break up with me because of it, but then everything seemed ok. There was definitely a change in how people were interacting with me when I went to shows. I’d get mean looks or jokes about me sleeping with entire households or bands. While that was happening, there they were on stage, each weekend, each song with another lecture pontificating about the wrongness of eating meat, believing in the bible, hurting women or tainting your body with alcohol or drugs. Bands who had some positive messages and others with long rants over short songs. There was always a hint of hypocrisy in it, even though I understood the power of having a platform like that. I was however, not some dumb kid blindly following people with a microphone. It all started to get kind of preachy to me.

Promiscuous, a fancy word for slut. Case had told my roommate, “She’s a nice girl, but a bit promiscuous.” For someone who lost their virginity 3 years prior to that statement, I was abhorred by the accusation. In my mind, I didn’t do anything wrong and I felt as though my reputation was being tarnished in some way.

Did you like it when he fucked you? What? I said, did you like it when he fucked you? What are you talking about? When you fucked him, did you say the things you say to me, what did he do to you? No, and that was a long time ago. I thought you were ok with this? It wasn’t like we were in a relationship at the time. I went on tour and you decided to fuck him while I was gone. How many other dudes have you fucked while I was away. What’s it like to be such a whore?

I was horrified. We had just had sex and he had pressed himself up tight against me with his arm over my chest and whispered these things in my ear. He’s not going to talk to me like that! He asked me where I was going, as though he was asking me not to forget to pick up smokes on the way back. “I’m sorry, did I upset you, I don’t know why I said that, Come back to bed, I didn’t mean it.” It was as though for a brief moment I was in bed with the Joker. I was very angry and told him I had some things to take care of and that I’d see him later. It was bizarre behavior, especially in such an intimate setting.

It started slowly. First were the words, then came the fights and then he would psychologically and mentally abuse me. It would make me so angry that I would retreat to my apartment where he would eventually follow, apologize, and bring me back to his place. Each passing week was held in suspense. Each argument followed with a sincere apology and ‘never again’ follow up. I had assumed too much. When you are codependent, it’s very difficult to not want to please someone, you want to avoid conflict so the constant is still present. There were times I just grew numb to the situation. Things would be said passive aggressively and I would ignore them because the next day, we would have a really wonderful time together.

The things that would happen next would send me to a place of fear, anger, and self-loathing. I don’t care what other people do in their sexual lives. That’s not for me to judge or condone. I will say, I personally do not feel comfortable dating someone who is also having sex with someone else. That is just not for me. So when he started taunting me with his newfound bi-sexuality, I began to reach my limit. Our friend from the band house would come over, who was bi and straight edge. They started a zine together and were meeting regularly during the week to discuss content. He would close the door to the bedroom and then the two of them would walk out, hours later, one smiling and the other zipping his pants and smirking at me. Both of them teasing me to tears. I would confront him and he would say I was crazy, that I was overreacting. I would get the same reaction when an unfamiliar girl would be seen leaving the apartment. He was constantly fucking with me after finding out about Case. A snide remark here, a push there and then a sudden admittance that he was sexually abused by his babysitter. He said he would get counseling at school and I believed him. He was taking frequent trips to see his parents in NOVA and I encouraged him, since I thought it helped calm him down. I wanted to believe this was some sort of phase, that he had to work some shit out because, Ladies, how many times have we convinced ourselves we can fix them? The fighting became more frequent and his roommates did not slack in making me feel like I was causing a tumultuous household by making sarcastic remarks of overstayed welcomes. The remedy — work more, go to class, get a new apartment with newfound friends, and clean his place while I was there to show my contributions to his roommates since I couldn’t actually live there.

The holidays were rolling around and his parents would come down for a visit before and all was merry, merry. It seemed strange to me that these guys who were outspoken atheists celebrated such holidays. I was ready for the new year and felt our relationship had gotten slightly better in some ways, but I still didn’t feel right.

Christmas day had come around and as we cuddled and snuggled in bed after being intimate, he said, very sweetly, “So, I fucked Janice during Thanksgiving.” I pushed him away immediately. Janice was an activist and scenester from the DC area who held nothing back in her flirtations with him and conveniently started making frequent visits to Richmond. They had met briefly during a benefit house show. She was no very attractive, overweight, and a bit obnoxious. “What did you just say?” I said, as I pushed away from him. He grabbed my arm and twisted it, bringing me back down to the mattress. “Where are you going?” I told him to stop that he was hurting me and with pierced lips, he whispered, “Now we’re even.” Almost two years later and he was still harboring feelings of discontent over my encounter with Case. How could this still be a thing.

I had had enough. I wanted to leave. I wanted to crawl out my skin, but I didn’t want to anger him further. I knew what happened when I angered him. The last time it happened he chased me into the bedroom where his head fit perfect in between the doorway as I slammed it, knocking him unconscious. Who was I anymore, I didn’t know, but had grown comfortable in my role. This wasn’t a relationship I could just walk out of, I would have to maneuver my way out of it. The thing about an abusive relationship is the understanding of power and in this one, we both had it. I just didn’t know how to utilize it without being completely and proverbially stoned by the crowd.

I began to think I was the one who was wrong. The people I trusted began to treat me as though I had done something wrong and that it was me who instigated the arguments. I just began to believe that this was all punishment for the things I had done and because I could defend myself physically I justified it. What I wasn’t defending myself against was the mental torture. I wasn’t a weak person by nature, but I did have a complicated background that allowed it all to be accepted. I knew I had to do something, but felt helpless and turned against. So, I stayed because I believed that if I had said anything or tried to leave, he would do real harm to me.

For the next few months, I would be pushed, verbally belittled, and shunned. He would make me sit outside while sick in winter to eat my soup because it wasn’t Vegan. He would squeeze me face and tell me to not think of leaving him. He would push my face down in a pillow. He would taunt me with other women and men. He was just cruel. I loathed him. The sight of him pissed me off and the empty preachings of his onstage persona disgusted me — hypocritical and righteous. I began to plot my escape.

The only way I could get out of this was to communicate with someone he knew. I decided to write a letter to one of his roommates/bandmates/best friends. One who knew him better than I did. Every line was a recount and an admission that I was in trouble. I hid it in a journal to wait for the right time to give it to him. I picked up shifts wherever I could so I would avoid him and became distant in my affections. Studying was the only thing that would allow me to be somewhere else. He never liked not knowing where I was or who I was with.

It was the week of midterms and I was also working in the evenings at a local theater. When I arrived home one late night, tired and nervous about my exam the next day, I opened the bedroom door to find him on the floor. On the floor amidst my journals, opened and exposed in all their confessional glory, and the letter, opened, revealing all I had planned. Years of personal truths, all there for him to see. I was deflated in complete horror. He looked up at me, fire in his eyes, and said, “Welcome home.” 

You think he’s going to see this? You think he is going to believe you? You think anyone is going to believe this about me? I can’t believe you think I do these things to you!

He tore the letter up in front of me and I began to cry and to yell loudly, telling him what a violation he had committed and that he needed to leave. He refused and kept apologizing. So here’s the thing, I never ever thought I couldn’t defend myself. Sure, I was fearful, not ever being incapable of giving him as much as he gave me. His usual threats became empty to me, just another blah blah session of how he commanded me. If he pushed me, I pushed him back. If he grabbed me, I’d pull away. So, I eventually gave in and told him I needed to sleep because my exam was the next morning. My roommate met me in the adjoining bathroom and told me she would call the cops, but I said, “No, he’s just upset and I just want to go to bed and deal with this after my exam.” To be honest, I was completely dead inside. I felt hopeless and deserving in some way.

I slowly entered the room, hoping he had fallen asleep, and laid down on my bed with him beside me. He began stroking my hair and telling me how much he loved me. Just like a switch, I had gotten Jeckyll again. I felt my insides turning in disgust, the mere sound of his voice causing me repulsion. “Please, I need to sleep, can we just go to bed and forget this?” He kept nudging closer and closer to me and began the ritual strokings and grinding of a desperate school boy. “Seriously, I just want to sleep,” I pleaded. “You can sleep after. I love you.” he confirmed. I didn’t fight. He climbed on top of me and I laid there, dead to the world as he thrusted inside me over and over again, telling me how much he loved me. Tears streamed down my face and I looked away disgusted by the sight of him. Each “I hate you” pounding inside my head with each thrust he gave me. Then it was over. I turned over, not wanting to look at him. He turned me back to him.

I don’t understand what is wrong with you! Do you not love me anymore? Are you not attracted to me anymore? Why are you crying?! I said I was sorry! Please!

I felt the anger all inside me, it swirled hotly and heavily. I looked at him and spat in his face, as he had done to me once, and then came my rage.

I hate you. I want you to leave, now! I’ve been working all day, I have a midterm and I come home to you reading my journals and going through my personal things and treating me like shit. I also did NOT want to have sex just now as I said I was tired! I don’t want to be with you anymore and I want you to leave now!”

And then it happened. I saw it in his eyes. I felt the blow above my brow. “Oh my God, what have I done,” he cried out immediately. Standing there in his boxers, trembling with tears streaming down his face, “What’s wrong with me!!?” As I stood there in shock and pain, he put his clothes on and ran out the front door. My roommate immediately entered the room and said she was calling the police. “No, it’s over,” I said blankly, while staring at the wall. I just wanted it to be over.

My classmate arrived that morning to find me looking through the cracked door. I had told her I was really sick and couldn’t come to midterms, to please inform our professor. She knew something was wrong and she refused to leave. When I opened the door slowly, she knew something horrific had happened. She saw my face was red and swollen. She told me to pack a bag and that she would be back after the exam. I escaped for a week to her apartment to stay with her and her roommates. She kept me safe until I felt it was ok to go home. He didn’t know where I was or how to contact me. My roommate said he had been skulking around the apartment, but I didn’t care.

I arrived home and it felt strange. I completely severed all ties with all things — the scene, school, some friends. I sat in my bedroom to begin a new journal. I had my window opened, as it was a nice day out and I liked the breeze coming in and it smelled like Spring coming.

Please talk to me.

I heard the plea outside my window. I looked down to see him with eyes that told me he was so very sorry for all that he had done and begged to talk to me. I told him I was done, that he was a really messed up person and that I didn’t want to see him. He shuffled his way out the alley with head down and I breathed in and exhaled in relief. I was also sad. Sad to lose someone I loved and wanted him to be better. Sad that I allowed those things to happen to me. He had to figure out how to fix him and I didn’t hesitate to just move on. It didn’t take long for certain people to tell me the word on the street was that I left him because I fucked someone else. Yes, it was I who cheated on him and since he had the love of the crowd, it was me who be damned. I dealt with that by starting a new life. It is the way I have always dealt with the horrors of my experiences. I analyze them, I learn from it, and I very calmly go on my way.

A good while later, I received a phone call from his former bandmate and friend who I had written the intercepted letter to. He very carefully and awkwardly asked me if anything had ever happened between me and my ex. I confirmed and asked why. “Because he’s been charged with assault,” he replied. It was Janice who was pressing charges. They apparently had been seeing each other and maybe living together. He threw her up against a wall. I couldn’t help, but think how lucky that was all she got…or was it? Cruel thought perhaps, but I considered her part of his game when we were together. She made no mistakes that she wanted him, but she didn’t deserve his wrath either.

I learned a lot of things in that experience. There are times when I’ve been with a man who feels the need to make me feel dumb or I felt the need to please constantly to make up for any imperfections. I dealt with it and I moved on and I don’t hesitate to mention to people that I was in an abusive relationship for practically 2 years of my life. It is a part of my history and he was one of my Misters, I loved him and he broke me down. I have friends from that time who are still friends with him, knowing what he did to me. I have friends who completely banished him from their lives. I had male friends who defended me diligently and threatened to do physical harm to him. I also had girlfriends who called me a “cheating cunt” while others embraced me and protected me. The reactions were across the board, from anger to sadness to plain ignorance. There were people during that time who were aware of his actions, but they never said anything. They played along because who needs complications in their life. I’ve forgiven those friends who betrayed me at that time and to be honest, I don’t reflect upon it much, if at all. I will not, however forget what he did to me and how he made me feel, but he is a reminder that no man will ever control my life or harm me that way again. I do believe that people change. I also believe that someone can become a better person and feel remorse. Maybe he has in his life. Maybe he acknowledge his sickness and mended it. Perhaps. Do I care? Not really. The truth is the scar remains, but in the end my core has healed.

[rodrigohyde]

Yes, you can get ripped without eating meat. Here’s how.

There’s this nasty rumor that’s been going around for years. Maybe you’ve heard it, or maybe you’ve even spouted it yourself: There’s no way a guy’s going to get enough protein from a vegan diet to build the kind of ultra-ripped body you’re aiming for.

Hm. Tell that to NFL pro Griff Whalen, NBA guard JJ Reddick, or Nike trainer Joe Holder—all of whom are vegan and seriously jacked.

“You can absolutely be a vegan power athlete, be a vegan and build muscle,” says Nanci Guest, R.D., C.S.C.S., a Toronto-based sports nutritionist who works with vegan Olympic sprinters and vegan professional UFC fighters.

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While it’s certainly easier to load up on protein when it comes from animals, your muscles don’t actually reward the seemingly superior source. A study earlier this year in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition found it didn't matter whether protein intake was from animals or plants—as long as men and women were getting at least the recommended daily allowance (that's 0.8g/kg of bodyweight), carnivores and omnivores had roughly the same muscle mass and strength.

Of course, switching over to veganism is totally different from trying a new diet like Paleo or high-fat, low-carb. But once you learn the basics, it’s actually really, really easy. So if you’ve been thinking about ditching meat—for animal advocacy, environmental impact, or maybe just because you watched What the Health and haven’t been able to look at chicken since—we’re serving up everything you need to know.

The basics of gaining muscle while vegan

Your basic dietary tenets still apply:

Eat protein after a workout.

Eat fewer carbs late at night.

Eat a balance of fat, protein, and carbs at every meal.

The primary difference:

Eating only plants is totally different for your digestive system. Not all your calories will be getting digested in the same way.

You’ll need to eat more in one sitting.

You’ll get hungry more often.

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In essence, all the ways you needed to control your intake before will have to change. The most important thing is eating enough to fuel those HIIT workouts to shed body fat. And as long as you’re hitting your protein goals, you’ll have no problem being an ultra-ripped vegan.

Here’s a guidebook on how you can give up all meat, poultry, fish, and dairy—pretty much every source of protein you probably eat right now—and still get totally ripped.

Ease into veganism

If you’ve gotten on board with going V, chances are you want to dive right in. But Guest actually advises against going cold tofurkey.

She has two really good reasons: First, a lot of people experience bloating and gas when they first switch over. “If you’ve been eating a super high-protein diet and not all that much fiber, your gut bacteria is pretty brutal,” she explains. Suddenly eating so many more vegetables, whole grains, and legumes is radically different on your system. Over time, your stomach will build up its stores of good bacteria, but in the interim, the bloating can be enough to freak out any body-conscious dude—potentially to the point of retreating back to the safer chicken-and-yogurt way of eating.

The second reason: Nixing animal products all in one go implies a vastly different way of grocery shopping, cooking, snacking, and eating out. Until you learn your go-to meals, it’s going to be more mentally exhausting to eat than normal—especially if you’re super-busy and can’t devote a ton of time to finding non-dairy grab-and-go snacks. Just like with any diet, that mental exhaustion increases your risk of giving up.

Guest suggests you start by cutting out any animal flesh—that’s beef, chicken, fish, pork—but keep in eggs and yogurt over about four to six weeks before you go full vegan.

Give soy a chance

Giving up chicken, meat, fish, milk, cheese, eggs, whey, and casein means you’re definitely adding in soy (among other proteins). But if you still equate eating soy with growing man boobs, you need to get with the 2017 science. “As much as people want to say there’s an issue with soy, the science says it’s just fine,” Guest says. “There is some research showing the testosterone spike you get from a workout is slightly blunted when you consume soy post-workout compared to other proteins, but testosterone has no bearing on muscle protein synthesis or how much strength gains you’ll get, and it doesn’t affect your other testosterone levels.”

Can switching to a soy protein powder help you hulk out like the whey, casein, or egg white kind can? We won’t argue that whey is the golden child of protein powders. That’s largely because it’s higher in a key muscle-building amino acid called leucine compared to all other plant- or dairy-based proteins. With less leucine, you have less muscle protein synthesis, or so goes the theory.

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But there’s actually a ton of research to support plant proteins’ ability to build just as much bulk as dairy varieties, namely soy and brown rice. And even if there is an advantage to whey, “That extra bit of leucine will make maybe 1% difference in building muscle,” Guest says.

Alternatively, here’s another easy fix: Add a leucine supplement to your soy shake, Guest suggests. A 2015 study in The Journal of Nutrition confirms that a leucine supp. will help offset any lack of muscle protein synthesis that might otherwise come with the plant protein. (Check that your powder doesn’t already have leucine added to the formula.)

Learn your plant proteins

“Protein is absolutely important for fitness and building muscle no matter if you are keto, paleo, raw, vegan, or something between,” says Matt Ruscigno, R.D., co-author of the No Meat Athlete and Chief Nutrition Officer at Nutrinic, a nutrition counseling center in Pasadena, CA. “Getting 20g of protein at each meal is actually very easy to do when beans and whole grains are part of your eating habits.”

Your heaviest hitters are now soy milk, tempeh, seitan, tofu, edamame, black beans, chickpeas, lentils, and vegan meats. Yes, you’ll certainly bite into a few terrible soy dogs and veggie burgers before finding brands that actually taste good—but hey, the same could be said for all the whey powders you sipped before finding the one brand that doesn’t taste like chalk.

Insider tip: We highly recommend checking out the Beyond Meat product line (sold at Whole Foods, among other stores), particularly the Beyond Burger, which everyone from Ruscigno to the 76ers’ Reddick recommends thanks to its high protein count and texture that’s as close to meat as you’ll get from plants.

A lot of high-protein veggie options (tempeh, tofu, edamame, and most vegan meats) are soy. Try to cap yourself at three servings of soy a day, advises Guest. That’s not because more soy is necessarily bad, but because you should be getting your protein from a variety of sources, she explains. “We all know variety is important, but it’s especially so in plant foods since they offer such a variety of phytochemicals. The more phytochemicals, the more your hard-training body is getting what it needs.”

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That really won’t be a problem. “With plant foods, the numbers are lower, but they add up quick because there's protein in everything,” Ruscigno says. Here are a bunch of vegan protein sources with 4–8g of protein per serving:

Oatmeal

hemp seeds

chia seeds

nuts like walnuts and almonds

nut butters

seeds like sunflower or pumpkin

hummus

tahini

nutritional yeast

broccoli

quinoa

amaranth

kamut

wild rice

Even leafy greens—which every athlete should be eating because of their ability to increase nitric oxide, which helps deliver oxygen to the muscles—contain protein, Ruscigno points out. And while 4–8g might sound low, remember that you likely won’t be eating any of these items on their own. Plus, that’s right around the protein of one egg.

Oh, and if you’ve heard you need to pair plant proteins to ensure a complete amino acid profile, you can forget that advice. That idea is outdated and misleading, both nutritionists agree. Your muscles pull from a collective pool, not one individual meal, so as long as you’re eating a variety of protein sources throughout the day, you’re good.

Adjust your macros to account for more clean carbs

Chances are your meat-eating macro breakdown was either 30% protein, 30% fat, 40% carbs or 30% protein, 50% fat, 20% carbs. But on a muscle-building vegan diet, your new breakdown will land closer to 20% protein, 30% fat, and 50% carbs.

Wait—50% carbs?!

Don’t freak out.

“When you switch over, your macros will have to change somewhat because plant-protein sources are inherently lower-fat and higher-carb,” Guest says. “Tofu, soy milk, any protein powders—all can be low-carb or zero-carb. But most pulses, like beans, lentils, or dried peas, are between 15-30g of protein per cup. That’s the same as beef, chicken, or fish, but they come with more carbs.”

Otherwise, the same eating rules apply—every meal should have a balance of fat, protein, and carbs; pre-workout snacks should be a hit of carbs without too much fiber or fat; post-workout fuel should be a mix of protein and carbs.

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Learn to love carbs

If 50% carbs scares you, keep in mind you’re (hopefully) spending those grams on way healthier sources than the crap you ate before. “Inherently, your carbs are all coming from fruits, vegetables, whole grains, beans,” Guest says. “There’s no room in a healthy, muscle-building, athletic diet for refined bread and cookies anyway.”

Obviously you know refined junk was never on the “OK” omnivore list, but if you’re cutting out eggs and butter, suddenly the small cheats that quickly fill your 20% bucket—a small piece of birthday cake, a few bites of croissant—aren’t even options anymore.

Plus, fiber and starch are part of the carb count, so the grams on the label aren’t necessarily how many grams your body is actually getting, Ruscigno says. “Fiber isn't 'zero' calories, but it's definitely not the four calories per gram that other carbs are—which is why vegetarians and vegans weigh less, according to ongoing study cohorts with hundreds of thousands of people.”

Up your supps

You’ll score way more micronutrients with the overload of fruits and vegetables, but there are still a few vitamins and minerals you can only get when you eat meat. A 2016 study review by Mayo Clinic physicians found vegans are most often deficient in vitamin B12, iron, calcium, vitamin D, protein, and omega-3 fatty acids. Meanwhile, research in Clinical Nutrition found among vegans who weren’t supplementing with DHA and EPA—two nutrients crucial for brain health—about 60% had low levels of DHA and about 27% had very low levels of DHA, numbers akin to those who have brain shrinkage with aging.

So: Definitely pop B12 and DHA/EPA every day. And add 5g of creatine to your post-workout shake if you don't already: A recent study review found that creatine can significantly improve the performance and recovery in vegetarian athletes, since the nutrient is mainly found in beef and fish.

Eat way more often

It's totally normal to be hungry more often and to need snacks when you follow a vegan diet, Ruscigno says. “When switching to plants, you are eating a larger volume of food but fewer calories, so it's important to make sure you’re eating more, and eating more often.”

Listen to your body rather than your daily count. “I tell people to eat if they are hungry, even if they are trying to lose weight. That's the benefit of eating plant-based: You can eat more food and feel full while also having a calorie deficit,” he adds.

But if you’re hungry right after eating, it’s a sign that you need to add more volume and/or more fat and protein, he adds. Start adding nut butter to your fruits, or bean spreads to your raw vegetables. Instead of just plain ol’ oatmeal, make it with soy milk, frozen blueberries, walnuts, and/or chia seeds. The small additions really go a long way when you’re vegan, he adds.

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Commit the time to learn new “anchor” foods

“When you decide to get serious about your training, it takes planning and effort, and nutrition is part of that program. Being vegan requires meal planning and cooking, but that’s true of healthy eating whether it includes meat or not,” Guest points out.

The good news: It’s way, way easier to be vegan in 2017 than ever before. Go to Whole Foods or your local health grocer and check out what pre-made vegan options are available to give you an idea for meal prep. Develop a few go-to foods for breakfast, lunch, and dinner (we’d suggest just straight copying what these seven elite vegan athletes eat to get (and stay) ultra-jacked).

Most important, keep snacks on hand. “If you’re a busy athlete, snacks can be the hardest since most of the easiest grab-and-go foods are dairy-based, like Greek yogurt or string cheese,” Guest points out. “Drinking two cups of soy milk can deliver about the same amount of protein to hold you over.” We’d also suggest stocking up on vegan bars like GoMacro, CLIF Builder's, and PROBAR to keep hangry from happening.

Keep it simple

“I encourage new vegans and athletes to keep it simple by thinking of meals like this: grain, bean, vegetables, sauce,” Ruscigno says. Think: Brown rice, black beans, salsa, avocado, fajita vegetables; quinoa, chickpeas, kale, pesto; wild rice, falafel, hummus, roasted cauliflower, and tahini dressing. “It's a good strategy because it's easy. I find people overthink how their meals have to look or they follow complicated recipes.” Then you adjust your ratios based on your macros, adding more legumes or less grains, and controlling the calories with the sauce or dressing.

Chew your food twice as long

OK, it doesn’t actually have to be double the count—but eating slower and chewing your food is one of the best ways to reduce bloating, according to Ruscigno. “Eating slower is a tough habit for people to acquire, but not chewing beans all the way is one of the leading causes of the quintessential discomfort.” Alternatively (or additionally), eat more mush: Making hummus or refried beans is a way to get your protein without risking bloating or GI distress from beans since they’re already somewhat broken down, he adds.

Stop obsessing

“I encourage my athletes to not obsess over the numbers—calories, macros—and instead just be sure to fuel their workouts,” Ruscigno says. “We need to be eating enough to fuel the workouts to build the muscle to be lean.”

Guest agrees that too many guys get hyperfocused on protein: “To build muscle, you need adequate protein, but the most important factor in gaining mass is eating enough energy, or calories. I’ve looked at probably 200 diets of meat-eating men who want to gain mass, and they’re almost always consuming around three times the protein they need, half as many carbs, and not enough calories.”

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Vegan

from Men's Fitness http://www.mensfitness.com/nutrition/what-to-eat/yes-you-can-get-ripped-without-eating-meat-heres-how

[dramallamadingdang]

Game-loading time replies!

Even though it’s gonna take me a lot longer to reply to these than it will take my game to load. :)

These are for @nuttydazesublime, @tamtam-go92, @nekosayuri, @dunne-ias, @pensblr, @alicenorthernlights-blog, @taylors-simblr, @eulaliasims, @immerso-sims, @fuzzyspork, @katatty-main, @nyshabrokeit, @mswn, @quill-of-thoth, and @worldstarsimblr   Topics range from maligning AGS to custom unis to asparagus to veganism to pixel volcanoes to age mods to making Sim-life more complicated/difficult to...Well, other stuff. :) 

nuttydazesublime replied to your post “OMG, I’M SO EXCITED! :D So we partied tonight and when we came home I...”

Congratulations! I had the same problem for a long time, but not any more now! Yay! :D

I am very happy. The fact that I could not create an empty neighborhood on my old machine/install was very frustrating! Especially because it worked once, using AGS, but then after building a few lots in that empty neighborhood it suddenly decided to add the AL stealth hood when I loaded it once, and then after that whenever I attempted to make an empty neighborhood, it would “Create Magic.” And if I made a regular new neighborhood, it would “Create Magic” twice. So somehow, somewhere, there was a second AL stealth hood template that got created I-don’t-know-how, but damned if I could find it. My game sure could, though. :\ But, new machine, new install and AGS is never coming within 100 miles of my game ever again. Sorry to folks who might not have all EPs (Mac users, especially), but...nope. Nope nope nope.

dunne-ias replied to your post “OMG, I’M SO EXCITED! :D So we partied tonight and when we came home I...”

we need more custom unis!

tamtam-go92 replied to your post “OMG, I’M SO EXCITED! :D So we partied tonight and when we came home I...”

I agree with ias!

I agree, too...but I’m not sure I should be the one making them, at least not to share. I can’t build anything attractive yet remotely complicated without CC for the life of me, and no-CC is really the way to go for this sort of thing. Also, these are going to be built specifically to play my crazy college scheme, with playable classroom buildings and whatnot, so I’m not sure that they’d be appealing for other playing styles. But if I manage to create anything that wouldn’t be a galaxy-sized pain in the ass to share...I’ll share.

nekosayuri replied to your post “OMG, I’M SO EXCITED! :D So we partied tonight and when we came home I...”

Now I'm curious about the thing you wanted to check out!

Well, it was something that could be considered of a rather “adult” nature, so I didn’t want to link directly or anything. (Not that I think genitalia of either type by themselves without anything sexy happening are necessarily “adult,” but a lot Americans people do, so...yeah.) But basically? Much better-looking pixel penises. As a person who likes anatomical accuracy, I was very excited and wanted to see how they looked in my game, so before I napped, I went off and had my playable dudes in the “downtown thing” neighborhood take a shower so I could adjust ‘em a bit. :) (And yes, they are AMAZING. A huge improvement over Crammyboy’s, even though they have fewer options.)

pensblr replied to your photo “This seems to work, so… OK, so here’s the deal. To sum up a long post...”

Have been happily using Hat's mod for a couple of years now, and tweaked it as well after a few months of it being installed. While I wanted adults to have more time (so that I could sort of create a middle-age span), the elder span was just way too long for my taste. Now, don't get me wrong, I enjoy playing all of the life stages, but, yeah... elders were shaved down to a max of 50 days. Overall, I love how Hat's mod can be easily tweaked to suit one's own game.

Yeah, aging mods are just about the easiest thing in the world to make, if you can run SimPE. Heck, they’re easier to make than walls/floors! :) The trick, of course, is modding the ACR controller if you use ACR. Then you have to muck about with its BHAVs to adjust fertility curves to match your new lifespans, and since I don’t understand BHAVs, that intimidates me. But since I realized I didn’t have to alter the ACR controller...Yeah, easy-peasy. :)

tamtam-go92 replied to your post “Lately, me=long text posts. Sorry. :)”

I also saw that mod, and I would really like to have an age mod (this was the one thing I loved about TS3!) But I always saw the transition to elder in their mid 50s. I don't use ACR so the natural occuring infertility of female sims one week (I think) before they age up would be perfect. I would really like an age mod that was that way, but I really have no Idea how to do such things (I can't even make Simpe work for me '-_-)

Hey, if you want a specific age mod, feel free to hit me up! :) I can certainly make one for you, since you don’t use ACR. :) You’ll just have to tell me exactly how long you want each non-elder lifestage to be and about how long you want the elder one to be. (It’s not an exact science, with elders. :) ) Like I said, easiest thing in the world...If you can get SimPE to run.

That being said, most people who have problems with it are running the UC. If that’s you, then a good place to ask for help is MTS’s help forum. Maybe Leefish, too, if you’re a member there. 

alicenorthernlights-blog replied to your photo “lowedeus: MAXIS HOOD DECO CATTAILS Thickets of cattail (Typha,...”

I would like to have some nice realistic looking volcanoes as deco.

Are you aware of these? They’re deco volcanoes converted from Castaway. IMO, the two larger sizes are too large, and all are a little pointier than they should be. (Volcanoes are generally rounder on top, from accumulated lava flows. Heck, mountains in general aren’t that pointy.) But I have used the “dwarf” size (which are still pretty big) to pretty good effect, especially when they’re half-sunken into the terrain.

nekosayuri replied to your post “The college madness continues. :)”

I love everything about this! So thought out and complicated! Feels kinda like my (Sims) life right now with all the stuff I'm trying to do, but one thing I wanna take from this for my game is making more use of Sims' interests and their actual personalities to decide what will happen with them. For born-in-game, this would be even more fun :D...

Yeah, that was actually one of two “I need to do this better” goals with this “downtown” scenario I’ve been dreaming up as I play it. I wanted to incorporate both hobbies (which I’ve never really done a WHOLE lot with) and interests (which I’ve never done ANYTHING with) into my playing somehow. Interests still aren’t very integrated into regular playing yet, but they will definitely be things of consideration for the spawn of the founders of the scenario, who will be the first eligible for uni. The first of those is 4 or 5 days away from childhood, so I’ll start thinking about her “path” then, seeing where her interests/hobbies lie and how that might dictate how I’ll play her. (I don’t really “play” toddlers much. They run pretty much 100% on free will, only interrupted to attend to their motives or for a parent to teach them the skills the toddler wants.)

taylors-simblr replied to your link “Vegan Lemon Asparagus Pasta | Minimalist Baker Recipes”

Sounds great, I’m always after more pasta sauce recipes :) and asparagus is awesome, we had it for dinner, it was the only thing on the plate that daughter ate, despite there also being pineapple, sweet corn and sugar snap peas to pick from

I’m frankly astonished that your daughter picked asparagus over sweet corn! It has that bit of a bitter taste that I would’ve thought would turn off toddlers, whereas corn and pineapple are just flat-out sugar. (Peas at least have some protein. :) ) So good on her for her good taste! :D

eulaliasims replied to your link “Vegan Lemon Asparagus Pasta | Minimalist Baker Recipes”

Yum, thanks for the link! Almond milk is what I drink normally, so I'm intrigued to try it in a sauce. :D

It works well! I think the key is to slowly add the flour as it reduces. I kinda dumped most of it in in one go, and the sauce came out a little thicker than I would have liked, but I didn’t want to dilute it. (It was still good, though!) Next time, I’ll add it in smaller increments along with the incremental additions of the milk. I’m also going to try cashew milk instead of almond next time, since it’s thicker/creamier to start with.

immerso-sims replied to your link “Vegan Lemon Asparagus Pasta | Minimalist Baker Recipes”

I love asparagus, so will try to make this :) I always do a pureed pea & roasted asparagus soup. Yum!

Cream of Roasted Asparagus is my very favorite soup! :D I never thought to add peas, though. It’s an interesting idea. I imagine it’d be a little sweeter than asparagus alone. Also more nutritious which is always a good thing. :)

fuzzyspork replied to your link “Vegan Lemon Asparagus Pasta | Minimalist Baker Recipes”

I have a mini food processor whose soul purpose is for mincing garlic because I hate doing it by hand! (okay, I also use the mini processor for mincing hot peppers and chopping small amounts of nuts and sometimes emulsifying mayo and... a lot of stuff I guess)

Yeah, but then you gotta wash the food processor. *whine* :) 

I hate washing up. Even with a dishwasher I hate washing up. Especially since we don’t use the dishwasher a lot. Since it’s just the two of us, unless we’re cooking a big, elaborate meal, it takes forever to fill the thing up, and it’s such a waste of water to run it less-than-full, especially since we’re in a state of extreme drought here. :p So, yeah, gimme my tubes of garlic paste! *laugh* I am totally that lazy!

dunne-ias replied to your link “Vegan Lemon Asparagus Pasta | Minimalist Baker Recipes”

even non-vegans can use plant based milk and nutritional yeast :P #milkisforbabies this sounds delicious though!

#milkisforbabyCOWS, even. :)

But yeah, you’re right. I’ve made vegan stuff -- chili, mostly -- that was loved by people who would run screaming for the hills if they were told it was vegan. :) But when it comes to cooking for themselves, non-vegans are far more likely to have cow milk on hand than non-dairy milk, unless they happen to be lactose intolerant. And even then they’re more likely to have that cow-milk-with-predigested-lactose crap instead. *eye roll* And I’ve yet to meet a non-vegan who’s even heard of nutritional yeast, much less had any on hand. :)

nyshabrokeit replied to your post “So. I now have a list of 18 custom Uni majors that I want to make....”

They're easy peasy! ;)

Yeah, I made one just to test out the process and...Very easy! I haven’t tested it in-game yet, but I can’t see why it wouldn’t work. Thank you for that tute! :D

quill-of-thoth replied to your post “Does anyone out there...”

I don't have it, but I use magazines to adjust interests to see if my sims are a good match, and I'll probably use them to increase interests when sim kids have the appropriate "traits"

Well, I can now confirm that the mod works in an all EP/SPs game, but I’m not sure the magazines are working as they should. :/ But I should probably make a separate post asking others about how they work in their game rather than burying it in this wall o’ text. :)

mswn replied to your photo “iCad Does Brainstorming AKA: Curse you, @dunne-ias!! So, Dunne-ias...”

‘If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great.’ :p

OMG I LOVE THAT MOVIE! Even though I think baseball is the third-most-boring-game/sport ever (after cricket and golf), I love that movie. And that -- Not “There’s no crying in baseball!” -- is my favorite line from it because it is so very true.

worldstarsimblr replied to your photo “iCad Does Brainstorming AKA: Curse you, @dunne-ias!! So, Dunne-ias...”

I love it! I would definitely like to implement this into my gameplay! Also about the custom careers, mog has that mod that has all the jobs appear on the job board as well as I think Monique's computer (could be wrong) but yeah I love Mogs job board because you're right, they won't ever find a job with the computer or newspaper

Oh, yeah, I have that job board...although I’m more likely to just assign careers using the Sim Blender, where any custom ones you have will show, too, but one of the rules of this particular scenario is that jobs must be found in the newspaper. Just the newspaper, not even on a computer, where you get five possibilities instead of three, AND they’re not allowed to take any other job than the one they have an LTW for. It’s because the whole point of this scenario is to make things harder and to use money a little more realistically than I usually do. But this is partly why it’s age-modded because, even without eleventy billion custom careers, it sometimes takes a long time for a Sim’s desired career to show in the newspaper. Like, one of the founders of the scenario JUST got hers, in the Artist career...after checking the newspaper every single morning for 5.5 seasons, which is just about the length of the normal adult lifestage. (Yay, maybe now she can stop being homeless! She’s the last of the four who still is. I mean, talk about your “starving artists!” Knowing her luck, though, she’ll get fired on a chance card and have to start all over.  :) )

dunne-ias replied to your photo “iCad Does Brainstorming AKA: Curse you, @dunne-ias!! So, Dunne-ias...”

ooooh this is way more ambitious than what I do, but I LOOOOVE IT and would very much appreciate a peek at the spreadsheet when you're done with it!

I will definitely share it when it’s all done. Some of the “requirements” I’m imposing rely on some mods/modded objects I use (Like Monique’s computer, for its article-writing function), but generally speaking it’ll be pretty applicable to even a “vanilla” game. Very complicated, though. But I like complicated. :)

eulaliasims replied to your photoset “EDIT: Oops, I noticed that the file for the Butterfly machine doesn’t...”

Dude, *every* time I send a sim to the gym, I think about how annoying it is that NPCs hog the treadmills and ignore everything else. Thanks for the fix! It's dearly appreciated.

You’re welcome! And yeah, I thought the very same thing and finally got off my butt and fixed it! :)

Although...in my game, at least, the visitors still seem to avoid the “multipress” machine, and I can’t figure out why. They love the separate bench press/butterfly/leg extension machines, but not the “combo” one. Don’t know if I boo-boo’ed or if there’s other things going on in its programming. Let me know if you experience the same thing.

katatty-main replied to your photoset “EDIT: Oops, I noticed that the file for the Butterfly machine doesn’t...”

thanks for this! i've been filling all my gyms with nothing but tredmills because of this problem, now my sims can finally use the other equipment!

Yeah, I’d do the same thing. And even so my playables hardly ever got to use the treadmills because the non-playables wouldn’t leave them alone! I still don’t understand Maxis’s logic with this at all... But, y’know, screw Maxis. :)