#like objectively the worst pop you could buy

[skullscarada]

just took a sip of cola, hiccuped and it nearly spewed everywhere

[rvp32]

Plot idea: Mina being a good best friend, comforts you in unconventional ways after a 10-year relationship break-up.

Mina being a good best friend, comforts you in unconventional ways after a 10-year relationship break-up.

“Mina!!” You said as soon as she picked up your call, you were heartbroken that your girlfriend of 10 years broke up with you.

“She broke up with you didn’t she?” Mina asked, realizing why you called her at such an ungodly hour. 

“Yes, she did and she told me that I was literally the worst boyfriend ever and that I should ever because I am too broke and can’t buy her the things she wants,” You complained, tears threatening to spill out. 

“Fine say where you are, I am coming to pick you up,” Mina said. 

Mina is your best friend someone who you have known since your childhood, both of you are close but sadly didn’t get to spend much time with each other because Mina is a busy K-pop idol. 

Soon Mina arrived, with her Aston Martin DB11. It was a car fitting of her status. She lowered the window and said, “Get in.”

Tears escaped your eyes after you got into the car but you tried your best not to cry. 

“Hey, it's okay, let it all out I am right here for you,” Mina said trying to comfort you and it did because you knew that you could always talk to her and get an objective opinion from her.

“Let’s head back to my place and talk,” Mina said before she started driving. 

“Thank you, Mina!” you said as you wiped your tears. 

Soon you both reached Mina’s apartment, which was in the middle of Seongsu. Following her up the elevator, no matter how many times you see her apartment it still surprises you. It was a penthouse apartment, filled with completed and uncompleted legos, and it was very well maintained not a single speck of dust visible. 

“Come, sit down,” Mina said tapping the spot beside her on the couch. After you sit down, Mina pulls you into a hug, rubbing your back as a way to console you. 

You tell Mina about all the things she said and how rude she was, denouncing everything that you had ever done for her. Throughout all that, Mina continued to hold your hand and rub it to show that she is there for you and that she is willing to listen. 

After letting it all out, Mina suggested that you guys watch a movie and eat ice cream, which was according to her the best way to get over a breakup.

Weirdly enough, Mina chose a romance movie to play, especially after what you just told her, but you didn’t exactly mind because it was one of your favorite movies. 

There was a romantic kiss scene in the movie, feeling a little awkward to continue watching you turned to look at what Mina was doing only to find her staring at you. 

“You know Y/N, there is another way that you can use to get over a breakup fast,” Mina said before moving closer to you, your bodies now touching each other.

You didn’t move, though you wanted to your body just wouldn’t stop Mina from coming closer to you. Both your faces were so close that you could feel her breath on your lips. Without any warning she kisses you, the kiss is filled with lust, tongues dancing and exploring each other's mouths, lips moving in perfect harmony. 

This kiss wasn’t like any of the other ones, it was electrifying and addicting. You feel Mina push you down onto the couch without breaking apart from the kiss. The room heated up, and you could feel yourself get hard, because of the way Mina was moving.

“Mina, what are you doing?” you question, after barely pulling away from her. 

“Shh, I know you are enjoying this, just forget about everything else and just pay attention to me,” Mina says, and she kisses you again. 

Following what she said you gave into the lust that you were currently feeling. When a pretty girl such as Mina tells you to do something you do it, no questions asked. 

The lust was getting to her head, she pulled away from the kiss took off her shirt, and ripped yours off your body. Mina looked ethereal, her perfectly sculpted abs, and her perky little tits in a black lace bra. 

Not wasting even a second more, you grab onto Mina’s boobs and squeeze them a little before reaching around and unclasping her bra. Mina enjoyed every single touch of yours, she continued to grind on your cock which was now hard and poking through your shorts. 

“Fuck, you have such beautiful breasts, Mina,” you compliment her as you play with and flick her hard nipples. 

“Ngh,” Mina moans. 

“Y/N I need you,” Mina manages to say in between her moans. 

You could no longer wait as well, you wanted to get a taste of her. Mina is just as impatient as you pulling your pants down along with your underwear. Your hard member pops out standing in all its glory. 

“Oh wow,” Mina says before putting your cock in her mouth and sucking it. Her tongue dancing teasing and playing with your cock inside her mouth, it was the best blow job that you had ever received. 

“Ngh fuck Mina that feels so good,” you moan as you push her head down further into your cock. 

Mina continues to suck your cock, fast and deep, playing with the head using her tongue. It was too stimulating. 

“S-shit I’m going to cum!!” You moan, but to your dismay, Mina stops completely, taking her cock out of her mouth. 

“Now now, the night is still young and I need a lot more from you,” Mina says, it was a side of her that you never thought you would see but turned you on like no other. 

She placed herself just above your cock, your tip just about grazing Mina’s drenched pussy. She was teasing you and you could do nothing but take it. 

“M-Mina please, can you put it inside please,” You ask, pleading and hoping that she will do it soon, before you lose control. 

“Aww, someone is a needy boy,” Mina says before slowly impaling herself on your cock. 

Fuck, her pussy was a lot tighter than you had ever imagined. “FUCK! Mina you are so tight,” you groan. 

“I can’t believe that I waited this long, I should have done this sooner fuck. Your cock is stretching me out so fucking good,” Mina moaned as she finally reached the bottom of your cock. 

Mina bounced on your cock like there is no tomorrow, looking at her cute tits bounce made you want to grab them, you pulled Mina into a kiss as she continued to ride you. 

The way that her pussy was gripping onto your cock was like it was made to take your cock it was a perfect fit, and you were hitting spots that Mina didn’t know existed. She moaned into your mouth as you kissed her. 

Pulling away from the kiss, you put Mina’s right breast into your mouth, sucking it and playing with the nipple. She must have sensitive nipples because her pussy pulsed every time you nibbled at her nipple. 

“Fuck, Keep doing that I’m going to cum,” Mina warns and you oblige, nibbling at her nipple and using your other hand to pinch her free nipple. 

“Oh Fuck, I’m cumming, I am cumming on your cock! Ah,” Mina moaned before she lifted herself off your cock and squirted it all over your stomach, some of it even getting in your mouth which you didn’t mind, it just made you wish more had gotten in because of how tasty it was. 

As soon as Mina recovers a little from her orgasm she pushes your dick back into her and rides you again, this time her movements more sloppy, almost like she was chasing another orgasm. 

“Fuck Mina, I’m gonna cum,” you warn, trying to hold on as much as possible. 

“Yes! Just cum inside, I wanna feel your warm cum inside of me,” Mina screams, after getting her permission, you hold Mina’s hips and start moving her to your pace. 

“Holy fuck, Yes! Yes! Yes!” Mina screams. “Just like that fuck, paint my pussy white, cum deep inside by my pussy please I need it! I need it so fucking bad!” 

“Ngh,” you moan and cum inside Mina, feeling your warm cum shoot into her pussy Mina’s 2nd orgasm soon follows yours

Mina gets off you, your cum slowly dripping from her pussy. She’s lying on top of you still recovering from your session. 

After a few minutes, you break the silence to finally address the elephant in the room, “Mina, we should talk about what just happened.”

“Shh, we can talk about it tomorrow. I am too tired now,” Mina says before putting her head on your chest and closing her eyes. 

You soon followed suit and fell asleep with Mina on top of you.  

Still in between sleep and consciousness, you heard Mina talk to herself, “That was money well spent, that bitch never deserved you, after all, she left you for a meer 100k, Nobody can have you, you belong to me, and only me! My precious baby.  

if you guys like this type of stories then keep sending me more asks like this and I can keep writing these kind of short fics

[plush-rabbit]

Cookies and Cream

I saw someone on the jonathan ohnn x reader tag ask for angst and rejection and im kinda in a mood (when am i not tbh) so here’s a snippet!! 

Word Count: 2.5K

A/N: Realistically, i would like take a chance, but like also if my partner showed up with spots and no clothes, i’d be like oh:^) im about to make an important decision:^)

He’s a nerd- that’s a given with his profession and PhD, but he’s a dorky type of nerd that makes you smile. You like to think that you have a nice relationship with the doctor. He’s cute and awkward. He knows what you like and dislike.

You remember him buying you chocolate- the cookies and cream type- and knew that there was something going on when you don’t eat the candy. Explaining how you have such an aversion to spotted things always seemed silly when explaining to others- you always tripped over your words or never explained it properly- but he sat and listened. He nodded, and never brought you cookies and cream chocolate ever again.

Jonathan was considerate. He was a sweetheart, always so gentle and only really let his guard down when around you. 

It’s been days since the Super-Collider exploded and it’s been days since you heard from Jonathan. You tried not to fear the worst; you reasoned to yourself that if something had happened, something bad, you would have been notified. 

You’re in the middle of scouring various articles for any mention of the deceased or lost and his name doesn't pop up. Your mouth pulls into a thin line and you groan, throwing your head back in an attempt to let out your frustration.

“Any sign of him would work out just fine,” you mumble to yourself. You pull yourself back, an arm going across to rub at your shoulder. “I just-” tears prick at your eyes. You want him to be safe. Alive. Here with you. “Please,” you beg under your breath. You just want your partner with you. 

In the room, you hear a soft plop. When you look back at the room, there’s a person in a white suit standing in your living room. You scream, grabbing at the nearest object- the television remote- and chuck it at the intruder. They yelp in response, moving awkwardly to the side, throwing something dark at the object and the remote clashes beside you, batteries spilling out.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” The person screams, hands covering their head. “I should have said something, but I only just came in.”

“Get the fuck out!” You reach for your phone, unsure if you’re going to call the police or throw it away. 

“Please don’t throw it at me.” He says your name with familiarity and disgust pools in your stomach. “I’m sorry- really, I am. I just- I don’t have your key with me and I thought knocking would’ve freaked you out more and I know I look different but-”

“Who the hell are you?” You hiss, holding the phone tight in your hand. 

“It’s me,” he says, as if that answer is anything useful. “It’s me, Jonathan,” he clarifies. After a moment where he’s positive you won’t throw anything, he pulls his arms down, and stands tall in your living room. All air escapes your lungs, and you hold whatever is left, unable to move as your phone slips from your hand and drops to the floor next to the remote. “Hi,” he says softly.

You wish you could run to him, but you’re rooted in place. With a good look, you aren’t sure what to make of him. His face is gone- hidden beneath white and a singular black spot that covers what should be his features. You can’t trust this to be your Jonathan.

“Prove it,” you mutter. You clear your throat, and stand straight, puffing out your chest. “Prove it,” you repeat with an ounce of force. Your hands curl into fists, and your heart races in your chest. “Take off the mask.”

The person in front of you laughs awkwardly, raising a hand to scratch at his neck. “I- I can’t do that.”

“I’m calling the cops,” you say, hoping that you’d be quick enough to grab your phone, unlock it, and call for the authorities. 

“No, no! I mean, uh- you like it when I kiss your hand. You kiss my palm and I press it against my lips, and when I kiss your hand you always kiss at the spot,” he says in a rush of words. “Sometimes eating strawberries is a struggle for you, so I make sure to cut them up. Um- uh,” he turns his head around as if the answers to his identity are painted on the walls. “You have this mole on you and I always kiss it when we-”

“Oh my gosh.” You interrupt him, and there’s a chill going through your body. “Jonathan?” He nods, taking a step forward. “What- What are you wearing?”

He freezes in his spot, and stands straight. “I’m not wearing anything. I- Something bad happened back at Alchemax. I mutated with a black hole and-” he lifts his arms up in a show of himself- “I’m this. It’s skin.” He pinches at a part of his arm and pulls, and it stays connected to him.

“Skin?” You hiss out, staring at him up and down. “What do you mean?”

“It was Spider-man. He- he did this and now I look like this- but-” he shakes his head and takes a step towards you- “I’m home. I’m sorry. I know you wanted to move in with me but uh-some things happened and-” he pauses when he notices you haven’t stopped staring at him. “I know I look different, but it’s me. You know me.” He says your name softly, and you can hear the smile in his voice even though there’s no mouth. When you don’t speak, he presses further. “Please. Please say something.”

“What do you want me to say?” You ask, and it comes out cold.

“Tell me that you’re happy to see me,” he offers. When you don’t make a sound, he gives another option. “Ask if I’m okay.”

You weren’t entirely sure if you were happy to see him. You think you are. You should be. You wanted to see him just moments ago. You should have specified that you wanted to see your partner as your partner and not some mutated person. 

Taking another glance, your stomach drops at all the spots- all the holes that cover his body. You should be happy. You should be holding him and asking if he’s okay. You should be thanking the stars that he’s in front of you. But you can’t. And you won’t. Not when the sight of him makes you nauseous. 

You can’t look at him. It’s too many spots- too many holes. You think you’re going to be sick. You remember telling him how you hated spots- trypophobia is what he told you it was. You couldn’t eat cookies and cream flavored anything because of the spots, on bad days, strawberries made you sick. He knew that. He knows that. He’s the one who was always so careful to not give you so many punctured items. But he’s here now and you hate it. 

Guilt eats at you. It makes you nauseous, and scared. You wish you could look at him. He croaks out your name, and even without a face, you can tell that he’s crying. Your teeth are clenched, molars pressing into each other, and when you peek, you turn away again. No. You can’t look at him. Not when he’s like this. Not when he’s not Jonathan. 

“Please,” he croaks. You hate how your name sounds on his tongue. It’s pathetic and sniveling, and you can’t help but swallow the bile that burns your throat. “It’s still me. It’s still your Jonathan. I- I know I look different, but I- I’m sorry.”

“Jonathan,” you say, spit laying heavy on your tongue, “looking different is like a scar or bleaching your hair. You-” you gesture to him- “don’t even look-” human. He doesn’t look human, but even as you’re close to being sick, you can’t tell him that. That would be going too far. “You don’t even have eyes.”

With his long legs- too long to ever have been human- he takes quick strides towards you. His stomach touches the edge of the couch, and you see the spots swirl, contracting in size, and erratic as he speaks. 

You’re going to have to wash the couch- somehow.

“I can still see!” You shut your eyes tight when he speaks. “I- I don’t have anyone else.” His voice quivers. Closing your eyes was a mistake- it still sounds like him. It is him, but it isn’t. “I thought you- you wanted to move in with me.” The sentence breaks your heart. His voice makes you want to hold him like you did nights ago.

The air is cold and it makes your skin rise with goosebumps. You wonder for a moment if his skin does the same, but the mental image of it makes you regret even thinking about it- about him. Your lungs fill with air, and you have to brace yourself to look at him.

Looking at him is so much worse than you could have imagined. The spot in the middle of his face is deflated near the top, and he’s sad. Him expressing emotions with a spot makes everything so much worse. The dark of it spirals, the edges of it fading into a small cluster of spots that reminds you of poorly mixed cookies and cream. It takes all of you to look at him. 

“I wanted to move in when you-” when he looked human- “when you had a job. When you - where even if you lost the job, you could- I don’t know, find another one.” You’re shallow. You wish you weren’t. You wish it were another poor soul that got infected with spots.

“Please,” his voice is fragile, tense and heavy, and his hands rise, and they’re loosely wrapped around your own, until you pull back, scrambling to get away. 

“Don’t!” You hold your hands in a clawed pose, shaking until they form into fists. “Don’t,” you whisper out, pulling your arms closer to your body and further away from him.

His body is shaking, shoulders rising and falling, and there are these broken gasps of air coming from him. He’s calling your name, pleading for you to accept his apologies. He feels bad about touching you, and you can’t help but want to wash your skin until it burns. 

“I’m sorry,” he wheezes out. “I didn’t mean to scare you. Please-” your name sounds broken when he speaks it out loud- “I promise I’ll find a way to reverse this. We can figure it out. You- You said that you would take care of me when I was sick.” 

“Sick, Jonathan,” you spit out, unable to stop yourself from glaring at the man across from you. “Like the cold or something serious like a broken bone or fucking radiation poisoning. Fuck!” You look away from him, and catch his reflection in a piece of furniture. It’s warped and unsightly. “It was shit like that Jonathan.” Tears pool in your eyes- burning and overflowing, and your face scorches under all your emotions. “Not this. Not when you don’t look-” you have to say it, it’s lodged in your throat, and it’ll stay stuck there until you get rid of it now- “human.” You’re the absolute worst- you’re sure of it. 

Your name is called once more. You hiccup and keep your gaze away from him. “It’s still me,” he says in a low voice, hurt interlaced into every letter. “We can- I know that this is new and it’ll take some getting used to, but we can make it work.” You stay silent, biting on the inside of your cheeks to keep yourself from crying. “I wouldn’t leave you if the situations were reversed.” You flinch, and you hate that you know he’s speaking the truth. He wouldn’t leave you. Not when you needed him the most. You wish the building would crumble and you’d be crushed by stone and pipes. “I won’t bring this up ever again. We can figure it out, and I’ll never hold this against you. I promise. We can start fresh.” He so desperately clings to the relationship, and you both know that if you were to move forward, you could never forget this conversation. He could never forget how you were so quick to abandon him. “I promise.”

It’s selfish. You do this for yourself. You want to live a life that doesn’t involve hiding a man who is longer human. “I want to go out on dates. I want to watch a movie.” You turn to him, and the tears burn themselves into your skin. “I want my friends to see you.” You shake your head and take a step back, furthering yourself from the man before you. “I can’t do this, Jonathan.”

He shakes his head, and you wish that you cared for him the way that he cared for you. “We can do that. I can do that.” He takes a step forward, and you take another step back. “I- I can wear clothes and hide myself and we can go out.” The spots on his body swirl, expanding and moving across his body. They break apart at the edges, scattering smaller spots across him, and it makes the acid in your stomach fill your mouth. “Don’t do this,” he pleads. “Please.” He’s crying, and you hate that you can’t bring yourself to comfort him. 

“I can’t see you anymore, Jonathan.” You turn yourself away from him. “I mean it. I can’t-” you wave a hand towards his direction- “I need you to leave Jonathan.”

“You can’t be serious.” You don’t answer, and that in itself is an answer. “I- I thought you would still want me.” You flinch at the words. You thought the same too. “Please don’t do this. I promise, you won’t see my holes. You can cover me and I’ll- I’ll hide and-”

“Jonathan,” you say curtly. “I need you to go.” You refuse to look at him. “Please, Jonathan. Just- Just get out.” Even in your worst of fights with him, you had never kicked him out, and now when he needs you the most, you kick him out. You wish that someone would put you out of your misery.

There’s a pause in the room, and you can hear his ragged breathing. “I thought you loved me.” You refuse to answer. “I love you.” You grit your teeth and shut your eyes until organic shapes in different colors swirl behind your eyelids. The confession makes you bite your tongue. 

It’s silent for a long time, and when you open your eyes, you’re alone in your home. The only evidence that gave away that something bad happened was the television remote and your phone that lay on the floor. A sob cracks through your chest, and you smother it with your hand, forcing yourself not to cry. Not now. Not when it was you that demanded the break-up. You wanted him, but not when he was this- when he was that. You wanted your Jonathan.

[torihakaraublog]

Obey Me! NB "Happy School Life" Pop Quiz Event

Oh my goodness! Has it really been a month since I last posted?? June went by super fast!

The club activity event was okay in my mind. A bit dull club activity wise, would have liked more more in depth explanation of the activities. Plus once again where was Beel! stop hiding him! (tho as of writing this the current event seems to be Beel themed so yay!)

However, there was some very sweet/fun character moments. We got to hear about how dedicated Beel is to his club + making new members feel welcome.

We got kendo Diavolo *blushes*. Kendo suits him really well! Plus possessive Diavolo when we are taking photos of the band group (Lucifer, Barbatos, Simeon - lead singer Lucifer hehe).

Also there was a fun Asmo/Solomon dynamic going on. I love how they ended up being the only members in their respective clubs so they got placed in a room together ALONE. I'm sure they both enjoyed that teehee.

Putting together a photo album at the end + Diavolo giving us a picture was cute too :3

I wanna read Satan's detective novel! (when he's ready to share of course)

Missed out on Levi's shower card, but it looks great! I love how hes super excited about the shirt and when its unlocked hes wearing it happily. Its such a typical anime shirt design style! 10/10

Lucifer Birthday Event!

Please! Lucifer's birthday event was amazing! If irl I could do this stuff with him I would be very pleased <3

Ended up playing it a few days after Lucifer's birthday while waiting for my sis's graduation to start xD It was good to pass the time, except the seats were all conected so every time someone stood up the whole row shook!

A good breakfast with the family, visiting a bookstore (where we both get stuff cause its the worst when you buy something, but your date does not), the opera, spending a quiet dinner together at a nice bar, and dancing!

Loved how when the brothers found out I was spending the day alone with Lucifer, Levi was the first to object. Then Beel was the voice of reason being like "Guys its Lucifer's birthday we can be jealous another day, just not today!" What a good lil bro.

The part at the bar where Lucifer says "Its a shame I can only enjoy this on my birthday." I know he says that cause his drink is a special 'birthday drink' you can only get on your birthday. But since I don't drink I'm gonna pretend he said that since he's the only one who is drinking xD I usually get cranberry juice or gingerale when I'm out.

Obey Me! NB "The Devildom RAD Rangers" Pop Quiz Event

It was fun and silly event. The outfits were very nice for all the characters. Very modest (except Beel's), but on theme. Would have liked Mammon to be a hero tho! Was a missed opertunity for character development. Kinda was everyone vs Mammon.

Lots of good duos - Levi and Asmo practicing poses. Lucifer and Diavolo getting fancy cells. Think there was a Simeon and Solomon moment (I don't remember).

Super cute moment where you get to cuddle Beel and Bel at the same time to release a power move. (Yes that's totally why we were doing that lol)

Normally I don't get around to reading the devilgrams, but I did read the "Brother's no more" memory one and highly recommend. As both a Lucifer and Simeon main it was an interaction I have been hoping would happen at some point! ^_^

***

I might not be... normal about the next/current event xD so my next post might be a bit wacky lmao

[punch-love]

1) both characters 6) Wade, 9) both characters, 14) Wade, 25) Peter

(I would ask 11 but I feel like the universal answer would be no for both of the characters, at least for me it’s true)

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

Wade: I think his contrasts are interesting. The way he's a violent, unapologetic killer and sadist who also - is a very empathetic, giving, and compassionate person. It's that unsteady duality, and the rapid oscillation between the two, that makes me really enjoy writing him. He's also someone driven fully by impulse, so he doesn't backtrack on his actions because he's already fifty actions away from the one he just made.

Peter: The fact that he's essentially a serial killer personality held back by his insane morality. It's like if the neighborhood psychopath was also, like, really into helping people because his uncle died and it was totally his fault. I love this freak.

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

I don't like answering these type of questions.

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

No. I prefer living alone, so I could be roommates with exactly 0 characters, none of my friends, and no one I've ever dated. I also think that they would both suck as roommates objectively.

11. Would you date this character?

I historically, would and have dated Wade. I think Wade, in canon, should be only date someone who could match his lifestyle, though. I wouldn't date Peter, but I also think that Peter should only date people who have nothing to lose.

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

I am so glad you asked this question specifically for Wade because I have a lot of opinions on his personal style. I think his professional style/aesthetic is firmly rooted in BDSM. I think he likes leather, sensuality, chains/whips/etc. I think the sexuality of his costume is like, insane, and the fact that he designed that says a lot.

His personal fashion in canon is very like, ex-jock forced out of the house against his will, but I think personally I would see him as someone who buys novelty t-shirts with his favorite pop culture references, weird hats, baggy pants, lots of layering, lots of colors. I think gen-z pandemic "this is for the vid, not for the street" fashion would speak to him heavily. I think it would be very gender-non conforming and kind of eye-sore, but in a way that would say a lot about him as a person. I really, really dislike the type of dresses fanon usually puts him in because I don't see him going 50s housewife so much as, like, alt-baddie or art-kid slut. I think he would use fashion the way he uses the suit, to communicate himself without having to show a lot of skin - or - on good days, to dress for as much attention as possible.

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

I came into this fandom with a bias for Deadpool and now, Peter is my favorite, so. I mean. Something happened. I remember watching Spider-Man movies growing up and not really having much to say on them or him as a character. I always get a lot of comments saying that they imagine my Peter as a certain movie Spider-Man but I literally, do not remember anything about the movies outside the fact that I really liked how Spider-Man movies humanized its villains. That's the only impression. I think my impression of Spider-Man was that he was boring and one-note and primarily a male fantasy.

I've written about 100k words on him now, so my opinion is that he's one of the most interesting characters in superhero fiction, and I understand the reason that so many people are drawn to him as a character. He's an every man, he's a freak, he's god's special little chew toy, he's the worst, he's the best, he's never getting into heaven.

[purplesurveys]

1938

What are some tropes/settings/concepts that you like in horror movies/books? Probably psychological, considering my faves include The Shining and Misery. 

Are there any objects that you own because of what they are rather than what you use them for? (For example, having a piano to have a piano rather than to play it or having an Eames chair because it is an Eames chair, etc.) I guess that can generally be said for Apple products? There are so many other tech brands that have the same portfolio and have similar features, but it gives me some sort of sense of pride and achievement being able to afford, say, an iPhone, so that's what I get.

Who do you tend to compare yourself to most often? Is it someone in your life, someone online, or some composite idea of a person? Nobody. I just look out for me.

Stripes or polka dots? Stripes.

Do you care if people touch you when they’re talking to you? Yes, it's okay. For me, it means they're comfy around me, which is always flattering.

How long did your first date last? My mind is a blur when thinking of that, because I've wiped out most of my memories of that person. I have patches of memories here and there, but at this point idk if I'm mixing up the events of one day with another, if I were to try remembering our first date. If that makes sense.

Highlight of your day? We only had a half-day at work today ahead of the All Saints/Souls Day long weekend :) So refreshing to have everyone fade out at exactly 2 PM lol

Is everything working in your house? I know my brother's bedroom light is busted, but I think that'd be it.

Does pop give you energy? Only thing it does is irritate my tongue and throat, so I never drink soda. I never did enjoy the fizzy feeling.

TV show you love with a passion?  Friends!

Do you think you learned anything from the worst night of your life? Sure.

Is it safe to say you own over 20 pairs of shoes? Hard no.

Last time you went to 7-Eleven? Around three weeks ago to pick up a few mini cartons of Oatside.

A fast food restaurant that you hate with a passion? CHOWKING. I really cannot find any redeeming factor with them...all the food seems like they were made with an entire cup of oil, their tables are greasy, sometimes the drinks will come with fucking suds. It's gross. All the more baffling that I'm the only one in my family who stays away from Chowking :((

Does everyone in your family have a job? Not my brother, who is still in college.

Going anywhere this weekend? No.

What does it mean when you're being quiet? Literally anything. I'm quiet all the time.

Last person you had a face-to-face conversation with? My sister.

How late did you stay up last night? Around 1 AM.

How many times have you been in love? Once. 

How many years older than you would you date someone? Maybe 1 or 2.

What was the last thing you pinky swore on? Can't recall.

Are there a lot of mirrors in your house? Just 6. I dunno if you'd count that as a lot, but it's enough for us.

About how old was the last person that hit on you? If I had to guess, the guy was probably in his late 20s or early 30s.

What color are your headphones? My earbuds are white.

Is the fan on? No, but the aircon is.

Any special reason why you’re taking this survey? Not really. I've just had it bookmarked for the last couple of months and decided to take it.

Your friend needs you to run to the store to get a pregnancy test. Do you? 100%. I literally offered to buy one for my best friend yesterday.

If I asked you to point to Ohio on a map of the US do you think you could? No.

[TW: EATING DISORDER] Do you eat a lot of food?  Eh, not really. I skip meals + when I do eat, my appetite is quite small and I have a hard time finishing full meals. I feel full quickly.

Have your parents ever tried to control your relationship? No.

Have you ever had to give someone directions before? I'm terrible at giving and following them. If I get asked, I either say I don't know, or just point them to use Waze haha.

When was the last time you held someone’s hand? Last week when I saw Angela.

What is your favorite Disney movie of all time? Toy Story. 

Which insect do you find the most beautiful? None.

Is there a substance you avoid at all costs? If so, what is it and why?  Uh...hard drugs, I guess? For obvious reasons.

Is there a place that you might call your second home? My college campus.

Is there a piece of jewelry that you feel naked without? Nope.

What’s the sweetest thing someone’s done for you? Since 2021, Angela and Hans have given me flowers every year for my birthday because they know how closely I came to dying near my birthday 3 years ago.

Do you recognize friends’/family’s vehicles by sound? Tbh, no. I can only recognize my family's own cars.

What was the last thing that stressed you out or upset you? S&R's flimsy ass packaging for their sushi and how it's impossible to close.

Do you wish people would forgive you for your past so you could move on?  I'm not...really seeking forgiveness from anyone.

Who was your first roommate? Never had one.

Do you have a sibling who looks like you? In some angles, I'll look like my brother.

[TW: CHILD/PREGNANCY LOSS] Name three women you know who have lost a child. I can only think of one aunt (my dad's sister-in-law). It was never talked about in the family, understandably, but after some sleuthing on Facebook that was when I learned about my late cousin, Sophia. She would've been around 14-15 today.

Which nationalities have you been told you look like? (i.e., Asian, Irish) I was told that I look Thai, when I was in Vietnam. 

What book are you currently reading? A few history books by Ambeth Ocampo. I alternate across them since they're all just collections of history-related essays, anyway. 

Have you ever received any scary, threatening messages on social media? Probably. I just can't remember any particular one.

Who was your first kiss? My ex.

Who are three of your favorite YouTubers to watch? Sheanner Navarro, Rhett and Link, Jessica Lee.

What do you miss about high school? The innocence and freedom of it all. 

What color was your first car? White. 

What color was the house you grew up in? White, with a red roof.

Growing up, what floor was your bedroom on? Our house only had one floor.

Does your bedroom have carpet? Nope.

What are the top three travel destinations on your bucket list? Seoul, Chicago, Valletta.

Do you get heartburn? I've only had this whenever I've had Double Downs from KFC, lmao.

What are three things you are known for on social media? Yapping about BTS, ranting about work, and posting food photos.

Have you ever used Snapchat? Yeah, but I haven't used it regularly since college – nearly 10 years ago.

Did you want to be famous when you were younger? No really, no.

First celebrity you were obsessed with? Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Tisdale haha, because of the HSM craze.

First celebrity crush? Ashley Tisdale.

What was something unique about you as a kid?  My favorite books were almanacs for kids and visual encyclopedias. I've never met anyone who was the same as a kid.

Were you ever goth/emo? No.

Do you want any more piercings? Nope. 

[aroaceofdiamonds]

A List of the Shit I Pulled While Playing Breath of the Wild

For context, I didn't play this game until December last year. I had no idea about the plot for this game and I did some stupid shit while playing my first playthrough. Will update the list as I remember more.

Feel free to add your own stories.

PART 1 - RANDOM STORIES

Didn't fight any of the Bokoblins guarding the Temple of Time. I climbed through the window. Multiple times. Even after getting the Master Sword

Didn't upgrade my inventory space once. I got the maracas (a whole story of their own), gave them back, found a couple Korok seeds. But I never went back. I didn't bother

The Maracas Story: I attempted to clear the monsters guarding the maracas by using bombs. I knocked both of them off the cliff. But one of them fell onto a ledge and lived. So, I jump down to kill him and get the chest unlocked. Queue a massive cliff to climb. I used a lot of energy potions. The worst part? As I was reaching the last part, it started to rain.

Decided the best thing to do first rather than any of the missions was to go conquer as many towers as possible. Queue all the most pathetic attempts to climb towers without killing any of the monsters guarding the towers. I think I did like most of the one around Hateno and Kakariko before actually doing anything. Hell, I'm pretty sure I got the Wasteland Tower before I made my first attempt at a Divine Beast.

I tried Ridgeland Tower. Without beating a single Divine Beast. I tried about 20 times before deciding to do Vah Ruta

PART 2 - VAH RUTA

Spent like 15-20 minutes getting the Shock Arrows off Shatterback Point. Yeah, I didn't try and fight

Forgot Cryonis existed during Vah Ruta and Waterblight Ganon. I literally only found out because I tried googling tips

Broke Mipha's Spear. My biggest regret

Tried Ridgeland Tower again. Without trying to kill anything. At this point, I bet you can see a pattern

PART 3 - VAH RUDANIA

Didn't buy both sets of fireproof armour for Vah Rudania. I ran out of potions just before getting to the boss. I left, sold stuff for cash, bought the other armour and spent 10 minutes climbing the mountain to get back before realising I could teleport back

Didn't drop the bomb in Fireblight Ganon for like 5 minutes

Didn't properly attempt dodging until Thunderblight Ganon, so Fireblight Ganon was fun

Attempted to beat Ridgeland Tower without killing. It failed, I panicked and ended up killing the Wizrobes.

PART 3 - VAH MEDOH

I think it was round about here I tried to get all the memories. That's a dumb decision itself (especially Hyrule Castle and the ceremony site)

PART 4 - VAH NABORIS

Failed at Seal Surfing while trying to get on Vah Naboris

Avoided fighting the 3 Yiga Clan members outside the base by climbing the cliff

Unintentionally found the Master Kohga arena. I didn't jump in because I didn't see the objective point there. I thought I went too far

Didn't upgrade my inventory space so all my weapons broke fighting Thunderblight Ganon. It was a pain in the ass. I literally had to abandon the fight temporarily for a neighbouring room to kill a guardian and get a new weapon. That's how bad it was

PART 5 - HYRULE CASTLE

Finally got the Master Sword

Ran past the Guardians

Fought my first Stalnox

Finally mastered dodging

Used the Golden Bow for 10 minutes during the Dark Beast Ganon fight because I though the Bow of Light auto-equipped. My attacks weren't hitting and I thought I was missing until the message 'Your Golden Bow is badly damaged' popped up

After beating the game, I went back to the castle to try and find the library. I ended up in the Second Gatehouse. And that's how I fought my first Lynel.

To Conclude: I was a grade-A coward who'd rather dodge everything than fight the most basic monsters

[hello-there]

Communities are a new way to connect with the people on Tumblr who care about the things you care about! Browse Communities to find the perfect one for your interests or create a new one and invite your friends and mutuals!

[fleshmonger]

I remember this laptop, the worst fucking laptop ever built.

This man would need to pay me to take this laptop off of his hands.

The HP pavilion mother fuckin dv6500

This laptop comes with Windows XP media center edition, easily runs Vista and honestly was a very decent laptop for its time. It even had a remote in the little express card slot thingy that you could use to control media playback and volume wirelessly via IR. This laptop really only has one fatal flaw.

The cooling on the GPU is so poor that it will heat up and desolder itself from the main board.

When I brought this laptop to my cousin who specialized in being an ADHD computer nerd like me but smarter and more equipped he popped out the heat gun, made a tin foil barrier to direct all the air, showed this motherboard who the fuck owns it. The laptop worked flawlessly after being reflowed.

He told me what he did and that I can repeat it by baking the motherboard at a very specific temperature in my oven at home.

I have vivid memories of disassembling this laptop completely, putting its main board in a large glass cooking bowl and popping it in my oven at 200 degrees Celsius for no more than 15 minutes so I could attempt to melt all the solder and hopefully make the connections whole again in the GPU.

The first time, it worked flawlessly. I had gained an extra week of life out of that laptop. Subsequent attempts were met with varying success. Eventually this led to me sitting in my living room pressing the power button, watching all the blue lights turn on for half a second and then immediately turn off over and over again. I would do this for hours because the laptop would turn on like once every 50 tries (it only worked for about 10 minutes)

Then one day I got frustrated and started beating it with my shoe because my 14 year old brain told me objects can't feel pain so it was okay to get violent with it.

Maybe I should buy this Facebook marketplace laptop. Maybe an extra 11 years of amateur electronics repair experience would help and I'd actually figure out what's really wrong with it this time.

Nah fuck that.

[incaensio]

constantinus has always been one for quick mind and quick words, but with his grandfather, everyone has to select them with care, and the eldest grandson is no exception. he's got the practice, but still, he considers the angles he's given, and he knows the man will pick him apart if he falters. "she's impressive enough to be not just be a quick death for when the inevitable career alliance finds her." dehumanizing them is always the key when talking about tributes — it's a game, and this is just a set of pawns you'll discard when the game is over, so you can not get attached to them, or show them preference. it's what he was taught when he began training, what he has been taught all his life, what his grandfather expects of him. in a way, it's easy, and in others, it keeps him alive at night as the guilt churns at his stomach.

he shrugs as his grandfather presses on the tribute's alleged flaw. "grandsire, some people didn't try at all. one of them tried to build a fire with sticks, burned their fingers and spent the rest of the evaluation rubbing the wrong ointment in them. we can only have so many proper tributes with a crop this old and worn." he's not complaining about his grandfather's judgment, not at all! hadn't it been him the one to clap and congratulate the old man once the broadcast was over? like he actually thought it was brilliant, and not another stroke of senility or cruelty (which one is worst in coriolanus' case, he can barely tell by now). "that will make the better ones shine more, though."

the mention of the cashmere siblings makes him smile a bit wider, hoping the corner of his lip trembling was not visible. the capitol loved the gemarius siblings because they could buy them and they always spoke their lines on cue; he barely knows the anna girl, but he's fighting off a shiver at the prospect of her being yet another pretty marionette. "objectively, the ones from two scored higher. and the ones from four are not too far behind, and we know four is bound to get good sponsorship between a possible sob story they may try to pull with the cresta patriarch, and finnick's charms." that's a thing. complimenting finnick. allegedly they're lovers, so his grandfather should give him some discount on that; it's all desires of the flesh, isn't it? they're still things, not true people, not an empress, like the one corionolanus has married.

the old man is talking about haymitch now. as a rule, he doesn't talk about the first games he took part on — the one the first victor ever from twelve emerged, just to disappear through thin air — but between the ghost girl, abernathy and last year's victors, it seems they are a thorn in his grandfather's side. just for that, he thinks of cheering for them. but instead, he says: "nothing to worry about twelve, grandpa. not even if the girl on fire popped on the arena they'd pull that nonsense again — her aunt is worse than mediocre, i'm afraid."

the town car begins to move heading to their intended destination. caesar flickerman enjoyed a spectacle. his afterparty hadn't originally been located at panem's historic museum, but had changed within the last forty-eight hours. his team gushed about the presidential gala, and noted that for a quell his party should be spectacular as well. to the president of panem, the entire phone call had felt like a wasteful fifteen minutes. maybe caesar desired to show off his new set of veneers, or at least his cringeworthy grin would make one think so.

even with a row filled of three, differing snow family members, the vehicle still felt spacious. the air was filled with constantinus and his speaking of gamemaker duties. it does not take away the oxygen, which feels like the case for most snows between coriolanus and connie's generations. " plutarch had briefed me, but i haven't the opportunity yet. the approach of the hunger games feels even brisker this quell. i sense you found the girl admirable ? " light eyes are scanning his son's offspring. the question is double edged. the last time his grandson found a former tribute appealing, it lead to coriolanus cleaning up a pitiful mess. not that he thought constantinus would ever make a similar error in judgement, his boy was bright enough ! he's starting to build a legacy on the gamemaker's board. maybe, just maybe, a snow will head it again. " three out of five, that's still only sixty percent of the time, " he offers flatly, like the other lacked the ability to do simple mathematics. ( the best education in panem would readily prove otherwise. )

" i do find the woman from one impressive. she dazzled during the interviews. she reminds me faintly of the gemarius siblings. those in the capitol do love gloss and cashmere so. another victor from one would hardly disappoint, " coriolanus remarks while maintaining eye contact with the younger gentleman. livia seems enthralled in her own company. the bubble she casts around herself is no burden to coriolanus. separation actually makes her the best variety of wife for the president. " however, i would be keen seeing any of the career districts take victory home. i simply cannot stress how the result cannot be the same as the second quarter quell. " or the seventy-fourth hunger games for that matter.

[rinrinx2]

"Can I have a taste?"

Rindou × fem!reader

Summary: Rindou can't hell the way your tits look when it's dripping out, he just needs to have a little taste test.

Warnings: Smut, Mature themes, Mature language, Lactation kink, Orgasm

............................................................

1 month became 3 and 3 became 5 and before you knew it you were in you final trimester.

Being pregnant was a new experience for you, when Rindou had proposed to you 8 months ago, it wasn't only the ring he gave you that month, it was also the bundle of joy growing inside of you.

You had found out you were expecting 3 weeks after Rindou had popped the question. It felt like a dream come true, you were getting married and starting a family simultaneously.

As much as you loved the dream of that reality, pregnancy wasn't as easy as movies made it out to be. Your first trimester you had the worst morning sickness and in your second you craved the strangest food, but Rindou never complained about any of it. If you wanted a chocolate doughnut with no chocolate on just a the doughnut then best believe he was getting up and buying you that doughnut.

So when you asked Rindou to help you with your bra he had no objections.

"Just help me take it off Rinnie" you said motioning to the straps at the back.

Rindou moved behind you where you sat on the bed as he examined the straps. One hand placed on each side as he tried to undo it.

"It's alot harder than it seems" Rindou said and he jiggled the straps around.

"Just slide the two ends close to each other the glasp will unlatch like that"

"Oh" Rindou said as he followed your instructions, finally loosening your bra.

Rindou helped you out of it as he moved each of your arms through the strap pieces.

You massaged your breast as you closed your eyes, feeling relieved after having the tight bra keep your boobs hostage. You enjoyed the silence until it was to quiet.

Your fiancé was right here and you were sure he would of made a comment at your exposed breast, and just as you were about to ask about why he hadn't you found him clutching your bra looking at the damp spots on either cup.

"Sorry about that Rinnie. I'm lactating, it's my boobs preparing for the baby" you said factly.

Rindou continued starring, while you massaged your breasts out causing more droplets of milk to leak out of your pebbled nipples.

Rindous gaze went from your damp bra to the rivets of milk that was dripping down your massive swollen breasts.

You continued massaging them out, as the more milk that was being released the lighter your breasts felt, but your actions stopped once he heard Rindou speak.

"Can I have a taste?"

You looked up from your breasts to your fiancé, who stood just a few feet from where you sat on the bed. His eyes were blown out, not a lilac iris in sight. His eyes were that of a predator ready to devour its prey.

"Shh-Sure" you stuttered out, stunned by Rindous sudden reaction.

He had seen your breast millions of times but suddenly now he was acting as if he was a teenage boy who had seen his first pair of boobs.

Rindou sat next to you, looking down at your breast. While you waited for him to latch onto one of you hard nipples. You turned your chest more towards his direction, even sticking it out more to motivate him.

Rindou slowly lowered his head down till his mouth was met will your leaking nipple.

You could feel his cool breath on your nipple causing it to get harder and for more milk to drip out.

The sight causing Rindou to get hard and needy and without a second thought, he latched his soft lips onto your nipple sucking at it.

You coddled his head to support it and out of maternal instict.

Rindou pulled and sucked at your nipple, while his hand pinched and pulled at the free one, feeling as his hand became wet with milk.

The sweet warm milk that was going down his throat caused him to let out a moan in satisfaction, that vibrated through your body.

"Rin your making me wet" you pleaded out as you bit your lip.

You pinched your legs to together trying to find pleasure as Rindou continued sucking at your nipples, nipping and pulling at it.

Rindous cock was twiching with each gush of milk that came into his mouth, and his cock screamed for him to insert it into your pussy - your pussy that was probably swollen and dripping.

Your hormones were going crazy as Rindou continued his ministrations.

"Rindou please" you begged out pulling his hair, trying to get him to unlatch as the pleasure was getting to much for you.

But the more you pulled the harder he sucked, the harder he sucked the more milk would gush out into his mouth.

Rindous cock was twitching unbearably as he continued sucking but he refused to touch it, to caught up in drinking your delicious milk while you attempted to pry him off.

"Rindo please stop, I'm gonna, I'm gonna-"

And you were cut off as a massive gush of liquid gushed out of your swollen cunt. Your orgasm causing a massive wave of milk to leak from your tits like an opened faucet, causing white rivets to drip down Rindous cheeks.

The sensation driving Rindou over the edge as he took gulp after gulp of warm milk down. Rindous cock couldn't take it anymore.

Rindou bit down hard as he took a final swallow from your milk as his cock produced its own white liquid.

You sat panting on the bed, same as Rindou. Your nipples were swollen and your milk spilt all over the skirt you wore, while Rindous shirt was drenched.

When Rindou catches his breath he leaned back down, but this time to your swollen womb that carried his child. Letting out a whisper to his unborn child.

"Mommy's milk is good buddy"

.

.

.

All rights reserved to @rinrinx2

[crazybutgood]

Author appreciation origami rec: Baz

The second ko-fi slot origami rec for author appreciation is dedicated to @piarelei from @samyistrying, based on his fic Supernova Galaxy Pop! Please click on the image for better quality, and view the video for closer details of the board :)

Image description: a wooden board, with quotes handwritten in cursive in silver ink on black paper, and various origami objects stuck to it—as if they were floating, a nod to a scene involving zero gravity in the fic. At the top left, there are two origami compass star tatos, folded using bluish and purplish galaxy paper, in reference to the galaxy and the fact that Harry and Draco are navigating through space and also discovering each other. The blue and yellow flowers are from a plant Harry buys. The origami musical note is a nod to Singer!Draco. The origami lucky stars are the colours of the non-binary flag. The origami pink tree, white grass, and blue sprout plant at the base of the board are a nod to the forest and Draco's plants, and the colours of the trans flag (since Draco is trans and non-binary in the fic, I've included both flag colours). A quote is also handwritten in cursive in black on the tree.

Baz, I loved your transfest fic for this year and was super excited that samy wanted something based on it! It was an absolute pleasure to use his great keywords and what-ifs to brainstorm this idea and bring it to life. I hope you like it! Here's a lovely message and fic rec from samy:

"Baz, my angel, my shining star,

First of all, I'd like to encourage anyone reading this: READ BAZ'S WORK! Each one is a masterpiece on its own – written with love and passion. Especially those who enjoy reading trans love are in the right place. Apart from that, you'll be blown away by the soulful, almost poetic, writing style! Do yourself a favour: read /anything/ by Baz. You can't go wrong. Of course, I especially recommend the fanfic for which crazybutgood created this incredible artwork! THANK YOU AGAIN! The fic, Supernova Galaxy Pop, was written for transfest and contains heart, wit and the perfect portion of madness!

Now onto you Baz (I'm pretending this isn't readable to everyone lolol):

You've charmed your way into my heart in record time and are without a doubt one of my most important friends! I would never want to be without you, your written word, your fascinating thoughts and your loyal soul. Thank you for always seeking strength within yourself and thus being an inspiration to me. You're the best!❤️"

Please leave some love for Baz's fic here! (I love the word count too haha) :

Supernova Galaxy Pop (E, 22222) by @piarelei

Sometimes, one has to jump through wormholes, wander the universe, stumble upon their dead professor, and bodyguard a diva to find happiness.

Or Harry goes to space and understands what it means to yearn.

Read the fic quotes that are pasted on the board below the cut :)

Certainty makes space look glittery and breathlessly beautiful, rather than daunting and creepily infinite.

I learned that life without plants could drive one to depression at my own expense.

“How was it growing up?” one asks.

“Bad,” answers the other. “How do you like your… slushie?” 

“It’s okay,” one lies.

Draco’s hands on him are soothing, pulling away the worst of his anxiety and leaving him alone with Draco; alone together.

It blooms in his chest and Harry cannot help but prod at it, like the remnant of a blow, aching with purple bruises. It’s a thousand times more pleasurable than any cut he has ever received. 

They meld into each other, and it happens so seamlessly that Harry was never quite certain they were two different entities to begin with.

The sun warms his skin familiarly, soothing over the chapped bruises of his soul. He had missed Earth deeply, like a parent that would look after him, unnoticed until he had noted their absence.

Persona draped over their back like a cape 

Love given freely

[donutloverxo]

Vanilla

Kinktober day 21 - Vanilla

Please note that my work is not to be reposted or published anywhere other than my Tumblr or AO3 account without my permission. Reblogs are most welcome though!

Note - @stargazingfangirl18 asked for soft ransom! Thanks @sweater-daddiesdumbdork and @whateveriwant for their advice! Also for @finleyjayne 's rainbow writing challenge with the prompt 'white lie'. Hope y'all like it💖

Dividers by @whimsicalrogers

Summary - When you find out Ransom's been lying, you can't help but assume the worst.

Warnings - 18+ only please!, smut (m/f), ooc Ransom.

Pairing - Ransom Drysdale x reader

Word count - 2k

Masterlist is linked in the bio!

You sighed as a tear rolled down your cheek, looking at an old photo strip of you and Ransom. You had taken it in a photo booth at the fall fair, he was reluctant, calling them dumb and cheesy but he gave in when you gave him your puppy eyes.

He looked stoic in the first two, with you perched up on his lap, your arms around his neck but then he was laughing boisterously because you started tickling you. The last one was of him biting your neck as revenge.

Happy times. But they seem to be taunting you now.

Your family, even your friends, weren’t huge fans of Ransom. Your mother was actually scared he’d hit you or hurt you. But they didn’t know him like you did.

He was never cruel to you. Not even when he didn’t know you and had nothing to gain from being nice to you. Surprisingly, he was quite the gentlemen, holding the door for you, paying for your meals, even waiting for over a month before making love - you knew then you could never let go of him, no one would ever give it to you like him.

He did tend to be a bit judgmental and cynical, entitled and maybe a bit spoilt. But you accepted that as a part of him, encouraging him to work on himself. Sure, he’ll never be everyone's cup of tea, but he’d always be yours.

Or so you thought.

Dealing with Ransom required some finesse and patience that you were willing to put up because it was worth it. But you’d never put up with lies, or worse... that’s not who you were.

Ransom had told you he was going to meet up with his published to talk about his new project. Your gut told you that something was wrong. When he was late you took it upon yourself to call the publishing house only to find out he didn’t have a meeting today at all.

He didn’t have one that Sunday either, where he was for over four hours you didn’t know.

You let out a humorless chuckle at your own naiveté - who the fuck has a meeting on the weekend anyway?

You only saw what your heart wanted to show you. Maybe, he never loved you. Maybe everything you both shared for the past two years was a lie - an act.

You yelped a bit when you heard the door being slammed shut, putting the photo down you quickly composed yourself.

“Hey, babe,” he greeted you, kissing the top of your head before scavenging for a beer in your fridge.

“Hey,” your voice hoarse and croaky, you cleared your throat, “how was your meeting?” you spat. Unable to keep the contempt from your voice.

“So and so. They don’t know shit,” he twisted the cap off before he taking a long drag of it.

You gulped when you looked at his pale throat bobbing and swallowing the liquid down. He took his coat off, throwing it over the counter.

You watched his muscles flex under his tight sweater, his curious eyes watching you, your traitorous body still found him attractive. Which he was, objectively so, some might even argue that he was out of your league and not the other way around.

“Like what you see, doll?” he smirked, catching you staring at him. He stood before you, holding onto your hips.

You blinked, pushing him away and putting some distance between you, “I want to know more about the meeting.” you insisted.

“What the hell are you going on about?” He ran a hand through his perfectly groomed hair - messing it up. You knew it was a nervous tick of his.

“You know damn well what I’m talking about! You weren’t at any meeting were you? You were probably with some bitch,” you yelled, jabbing him in his chest with your finger, “No,” you laughed, “Wasn’t her fault. She’s not the one cheating. I should’ve known better.” you shook your head, “Everybody warned me.”

He had the audacity to roll his eyes, “God, you women - ”

“Shut the fuck up, Ransom. Now is not the time for your boring jokes. Where were you?”

“Why would you jump to the worse conclusion?!” he yelled back, his face turning red and a couple of veins popping on his forehead. “Do I not get benefit the doubt? Don’t you trust me?”

He walked towards you, making you take a few steps back until you hit the counter, tall and imposing above you. His jaw clenched shut as he stared you down.

You gulped, “I did trust you. But what explanation could you possibly have? You lied, didn’t you? Where were you?”

You watched him as he dug through his discarded coat, taking out a box and handing it to you. You knew what it was as soon as you saw it, the familiar burgundy color with the words ‘cartier’ written on top in golden cursive.

“I’m sorry,” you choked, your heart clenched in guilt. You accused him of the worst when he was just out getting you jewellery. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I’m sorry.”

“Bit to late to be sorry when you already said your part.” he gritted.

“Sorry,” you gave him a nervous smile, “I really don’t deserve this, I don’t know what to say...”

“I was with Meg, since she’s the only girl I know, who’d be of any use. She just gave a lecture about how buying diamonds is so unethical or something, I don’t know I tuned out,” he shuddered at just the thought of it, “So, it’s not final. We can exchange it if you don’t like it,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

You frowned, “Why would I need to exchange it? I’m sure it’s very pretty,” you opened the box and gasped, your jaw dropping, “Ransom... this is...” the most beautiful diamond ring you’ve ever seen. “Wait a minute, does that mean..”

“Yep,” he snatched it away from you, taking the ring out of it and then sliding it on your ring finger, “I was going to go the whole nine yards. Get down on a knee, act like a fucking Disney Prince but you don’t get that now,” he smirked, the diamond looking so pretty on your hand. “You’re stuck with me, forever.”

“Well, I’m sad that I missed out on a proper proposal but I suppose I deserve it. It really is so pretty,” you beamed at the ring.

“Don’t you dare take it off.” He held onto your hand possessively. Glad to have some sort of claim on you now that would let any unworthy asshole know that you’re taken.

You giggled, placing a quick smooch on his lips, “I won’t. I’ll protect it with my life,” holding the hand close to your heart. “I’m still so sorry. I should’ve known better.”

“That’s right, you should’ve.” he grumbled

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. He’d have no problem assuming the worst if the roles were reversed. “Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?” Jutting your lower lip out and looking at him with your big doe eyes.

Pulling you by your waist and holding you tightly against him, “I can think of a couple of things, pumpkin.”

He captured your lips in a salacious kiss that was all teeth and tongue, running his thumb over the diamond.

***

“Look so pretty with your mouth stuffed, pumpkin,” he praised, choking on a moan, pushing your hot, eager mouth further down on his length.

You let out a muffled whimper, relaxing your throat so you could take all of him. Which was quite a task but you powered through, swallowing him down until your nose touched the brown patch of hair above his length.

He let out a loud, primal moan, holding onto your head and trying his best not to bust his load too soon. He pulled you off of him, getting off of the mattress, putting his hands below your arms and hauling you up and pushing you down on it. It was always fun to manhandle you like that, what with you being so small and plaint. Always ready to serve him and let him have his way with you.

You blinked up at him with unsure eyes, almost wanting to cover yourself from his predatory gaze. “St - stop looking at me like that.”

He chuckled, “You’re mine now. I’ll look at you however I like.”

He knelt on the floor, pulling you till you were on the edge of the bed, nudging your intimate lips apart with his nose. He took a long breath in, your unique scent never failed to make him hot.

Placing a flurry of kisses up and down your inner thighs, giving your a nick and a bite here and there till you were going crazy with need. Need to have his mouth on you.

“Please, Ransom,” you sniffled exaggeratedly, “Just want your mouth on me.”

“You’ve got no patience, doll.” Which was rich, coming from him.

He shook his head, teasing your entrance with his tongue. Before finally, wrapping his mouth around your bundle of nerves, sucking at it leisurely.

You pulled at his hair, pushing him closer to your heat because you needed more.

He took the hint, plunging two fingers inside you, pumping them in and out till he felt you clamping down on them. He pulled right away when he felt you getting too close to your climax.

No, he needed to look at your face as you fell apart with him.

Ignoring your whines and curses he hovered above you, pushing his tip against your entrance, coating it with your juices.

You were out of it, barely there with him, your hands loosely holding onto his broad shoulders, “I love you,” you murmured and then yelped, your eyes scrunched shut as he thursted his entire length inside you. Your nails digging into his biceps and drawing blood.

There was that delicious familiar ache at first, but you willed yourself to ride through it. It’ll feel good in no time. Except.... he didn’t move.

You opened your eyes and looked up at him to see him staring at you. You called out his name, caressing his cheek.

“Say it again,” he panted.

“Say what?” you yelped again as he lifted your hips up, his tip brushing against your spongy spot, “Oh.. uh... I love you.” you repeated.

He stayed still for a moment or longer. Still not used to hearing those words, especially said so sincerely by you. They often caught him off guard and overwhelmed him.

His hips bucked into yours as he started thrusting into you properly, his fingers digging into your hips.

You pulled him down and pressed your lips to his, swirling your tongue against his, spilling your moans in his mouths, only pulling away when you could barely breath. He did have a way of always leaving you breathless.

Propping himself on his elbows, he watched you writhe under him, your face scrunching up in untethered pleasure as you kept asking him for more. It's where you belonged, wrapped up around him. And your cavern was his rightful place, especially now that you'll be married.

“You’ve always been a, tight little thing. Squeezing the shit outta me,” he grunted as you pulsed and fluttered around him your body seized up and fell back.

He kept driving his hips into you, riding out your orgasm till ropes of his seed coated your walls, he didn’t let up till he was sure he gave you every last drop of him.

He collapsed on top of you, nipping at the shell of your ear, “Again,” he pleaded, his voice wavering with his cock softening inside you.

“I love you, baby, more than you’ll ever know,” you said, cradling his head close to you.

He hummed, pulling himself out of you, laying beside you, he admired your ring as you struggled to stay away, your eyes already dozing off.

He was proud to have bought it with his own hard earned money with the book you inspired him to write, it was sort of poetic in a way. But you didn’t need to know that or you’d accuse him of going soft for you - which to be fair he was. As his mother always says every marriage has its secrets.

Tags will be in the reblog!

Comments and reblogs are really appreciated! ❤❤

[beskarberry]

Krayt’s Teeth

Bargaining with Beskar, Chapter 3 (The Mandalorian x f!reader)

The sound of crashing and shouting was hot on your tail, the other hunters had followed you and were gaining fast. You saw a light rapidly approaching ahead of you, and the two of you burst out into the brilliant daylight to the worst possible place: a dead fucking end.

Rating: Explicit

Word count: 6.7k

Content warnings: Canon typical violence, killing in self defense, headcanon angst, FLUFF, sensory deprivation, body worship, oral sex (f receiving).

A/N: These are my headcanons regarding Mandalorian culture in terms of sex, I didn’t find much lore on it so whether it’s accurate or not idk but I like them and that’s all that matters! Enjoy~

<-Previous Next->

You could have slept forever, even on that horrible little cot you were so comfortable that you could have been out for days, but the only one on it was you. You did’t know when Mando got up from the tiny space you both shared through the night, or how he managed to get out from your tangled bodies without waking you up. You opened your eyes to tiny green baby hands tugging at your fingers. 

“Hey booger, is it time for breakfast? Where’s your papa?” You started to sit up, but the horrible sticky mess underneath you made you reluctant to move, a mix of passion and pain from the day before. “Yikes. I’m gonna run all his water out if I have to keep using the fresher. Come on, let’s get scrubbed up.” The baby gibbered excitedly at you, though you weren’t sure how much of what you said he actually understood. You scooped him into your arms without looking back at the sad little cot and all its stains. “You’re water proof, right?”

The ship’s engines were rumbling away, so you guessed tin man was up in the cockpit flying you towards your next bounty. Or Nevarro. You would have to find Mr. Mystery later, the grossness that was you had to be dealt with. Between you and the child your shower took forever, the two of you getting water and soap bubbles from top to bottom. You didn’t care. You had been on Tatooine for months without having a real shower, being consigned to the sonic freshers that vibrated the sand off of the moisture farmer’s bodies; and this was the second real shower you’d gotten to have in twice as many days. You spent a good deal of time trying to get your chatty friend to hold still long enough to be dried off, the little fart squealing with joy every time you went for him with the towel.

An ordeal later you were both fresh and presentable, but your host was still nowhere to be seen, though the ugly sheets had thankfully disappeared from view. The ship was quiet now, without the engine running you knew you had to be back on the ground, and you could hear a distinct hum of activity coming through the walls. Space port? He flew us into town? The thought was replaced immediately with a rich, savory smell coming through the air vents: FOOD! Your gut grumbled loud enough to resonate through the cabin and earn you a confused look from the baby. When was the last time you really ate? You’d been living on ration packs for the last couple of days. That was going to change right now.

“Ya hungry buddy? Me too! Maybe that’s where your dad is, hmm?” Grabbing your old backpack and hooking the baby under your arm you started punching buttons on the wall to get the door open, sending walls sliding and cabinets opening before you got one of the access ramps open. Bright double sunlight nearly blinded you, and on reflex you covered the baby’s giant googly eyes. It took a moment for your own to adjust to the radiant light of the Tatooine morning, and the smell of cooking food hit you like a ton of bricks, making your mouth water. As your eyes adjusted you were able to take in your surroundings: though it was bright outside you were parked low inside a maintenance bay, the walls of which soared high above you; littered with engine parts and humming with droid activity. Sound was the last input your hungry brain could process, but when it did you didn’t like what you heard. The sounds of an argument echoed around the hangar, high and shrill.

“I already told you, you can’t park here! You’re bad for business!”

“I just need to park here long enough to get supplies.”

“Well you’re gonna have to pay up, Mando! I’m not running a charity here! You got credits for supplies you got credits for parking! Up front this time!”

Oh no.

Of all the mechanics and docking hangars in Mos Eisley he had to pick this one. The fireball of a woman barely came up to your partner’s chest, but she made up for it with unbridled fury; and the giant cooked animal leg she was swinging around like a club between bites made her look even more formidable. She noticed you coming down the ramp and stopped grilling your comrade long enough to glare daggers through your skull.

“Oh NO! No nope nuh uh! You can turn right back around and get back on that ship, missy! I knew it! I knew you were bad for business, Mando! What’re you doing running around with her? I hope she’s your bounty because she’s your problem!”

“Peli.” Your words were cold as ice, but the squirming baby in your arms took all the malice out of your stance. He wiggled until you set him down, and he ran towards the mechanic with open arms.

“Baby! You can stay but your dad’s gotta take the mean lady somewhere else! She cheats at sabacc!”

“You lost fair and square, Peli! Try playing a better hand next time!”

“Ladies please!”  Mando cut through your bickering, holding his arms up between the two of you like he was trying to corner a pair of wild blurgs. “If I let the child stay with you for the day, will you let me park the Razor Crest here? Just for a couple hours?”

Peli bounced the child on her hip, offering him a bite of her breakfast. The baby squealed happily while he sank his little teeth into the mighty snack, though the size of it comically dwarfed his itty bitty hands. “I’ll tell you what, you let me keep him and then maybe I’ll let you park here in a week.” Mando cocked his helmet at her with disdain and she huffed loudly, “Well if you put it that way, I guess you can park here, but you gotta put five hundred credits down, and not a cent less!”

Mando reeled, stabbing his hands to his hips with indignation. “Five hund- absolutely not! What am I going to buy our-” You interrupted his tirade with a hand on his shoulder, waving a slew of credits in front of his eyes. Peli snatched them out of your hand, fanning them out like cards to count them.

“Who’d you cheat these outta?”

“Don’t worry about it.” You leaned casually against your metal man, eyeing Peli with a smug look on your face. “Let’s go, Mando. Bye baby green bean, have fun with Auntie Cheats-at-Sabacc!” You spun him around by the hand and dragged him towards the exit, ignoring the insults being slung at your back. “We are getting breakfast and that’s final!”

The Mandalorian allowed you to pull him along a few feet before grinding his heels into the sand, shaking his head. “You have to stay here.”

Now it was your turn for sassy head tilts. “I just paid for your parking, buckethead, that makes me in charge and I’m hungry! I’ll buy you breakfast too if you want.” He didn’t budge, fixing you with that intense stare of his and grabbing you by the shoulders.

“You are still being hunted. Mos Eisley isn’t safe for you.”

Ah.

You knew you could look after yourself, and he himself had compared you to a ferocious rancor just yesterday. You groaned loudly, “Shit balls of hell. But dad, I’m huuunngry!” The man bristled at your paternal harassment, sighing heavily and letting his helmeted head fall to the side like the world was ending. He glanced around the hangar exit, his shiny beskar snapping to each object of interest until he located a protocol droid corpse that was missing everything from the waist down. He strode over to it and held it down with one boot, yanking it by the head until it popped off. He began prying the droid’s vocorder apart at the mouth, pulling it wide until the droids face plate broke off with a snap! Tossing the rest of the logic processing unit to the ground, he held the face plate up to the light, inspecting the clarity of its photo receptor casings. He bent back down to the junk pile and fished out a stray wire to thread through the ruined audio processors, then tossed the finished creation to you.

“Put that on.”

You turned the makeshift mask over in your hands to check for sharp edges before you pressed it to your face. The bug eyes on the front were dirty, but you could see well enough. Before you could clean them more thoroughly you felt the weight of fabric on your head, his cloak now worn as your own. The thought of how you must look made you giggle. “You make me take my clothes off, now you want me to put clothes on. It never ends with you, Mando. Next you’ll be forging me beskar. Now can we eat something, please?” Without a word the armored man turned on his heel and walked out the hangar exit. I’ll take that as a yes.

Mos Eisley buzzed with life, people and animals and things you couldn’t explain made their way up and down the bustling streets. The smell of food led you to a vendor selling something that could have been a root vegetable, covered in herbs and spices and grilled to perfection. You couldn't wait, all thoughts of self-preservation went out the window as you hauled ass to the stand, waving two fingers in the air. When you had both of your prizes in hand you stuffed the savory veggie under your mask, sighing contentedly at the taste of real honest-to-Maker food. “Hey tin man, I hope you like... whatever this-” You turned to offer your partner something to eat, but he had disappeared from the crowd. “Alright... more for me.”

Taking a newspaper from the vendor you wrapped the extra snack up tight and threw it in your pack for later, continuing to chow down on your own. You would find Mando eventually, and you had credits to spend. You had held onto your hush-money for months to avoid suspicion, but now it was burning a hole in your pocket. Wandering the streets of Mos Eisley from merchant to merchant you began accumulating a small hoard of supplies, ranging from bacta to hand tools, and food. Whatever you could get your hands on that would survive hyperspace when you inevitably left this fucking dirtball for good; though you still weren’t convinced that you wouldn’t be making that flight in carbonite. You picked out new clothes and underwear, a much-needed bedroll, and some soft bantha-wool blankets. Something further down the marketplace caught your eye, and you made your way to the fancier items that glittered in the double daylight. You didn’t wear jewelry yourself, a poor choice of attire for a hunter, but the way the trinkets caught the light still made you wistful. Your hidden eyes danced over the glittering treasures; jewels and geodes that had been found deep in the sands and polished to a radiant shine.

You spotted something opalescent at the end of one table and found a pair of krayt teeth, each about the size of your palm. They had been sanded to a smooth, flat finish and carved with intricate desert patterns. The backs of them had tiny fittings that could be sewn on as buttons, or pulled off to reveal magnets. Something about their shape seemed familiar, though you couldn’t imagine why in that moment. You purchased the unique pieces anyway, something to remind you that even the harshest of places could hold hidden beauty. After a while you had so much junk piled in your arms that you could barely see over it, and tin man was nowhere to be found. You spotted a courier droid and paid for it to deliver your treasures back to Hanger 3-5, though you kept the pricey teeth in your pockets. With your arms free you started looking for your missing comrade.

The streets were busy with people, you would have to get somewhere out of the way in order to scan the crowds. Your eyes went from shimmer to shimmer, looking for his reflective chrome dome. “Big jerk,” you mused to yourself “‘Mos Eisley’s not saaafe...’ If he’s so worried then where the hell is he? Bah!” The scratched-up photoreceptor casings of your mask made it a challenge to see through the crowd, and you took a moment to adjust the iris apertures so you wouldn’t have to keep squinting into the double sunshine when you felt a hand on your back. Finally. “Mando, where have you-”

“Mando? Whos’sis man-do? Nah sssweetheart, I think you got me confused wi’ sssomeone elssse.” The slithering voice in your ear made your blood run cold. Not Mando! You rocketed your elbow backwards, connecting with the gut of the stranger on your back with an -oof! The hand let go long enough for you to make a run for it, and you tore off down the streets of the busy spaceport, smashing into bystanders in your wake. You cast a quick look behind you to see a large reptilian body flying after you, brownish scales catching the reflection of the noonday suns. Though you had your blaster, the risk of hitting a civilian was too great, so running would have to do. You were thankful for the courier droid that had freed your hands just minutes before as you barreled down the busy streets.

Market stalls flew past you, your boots kicking up sand and dust. The mask on your face, as dirty as it was, kept the debris from your eyes as you raced through the sunburnt city. You had to lose this fucker and fast. You turned down an alley, left, right, another right, leaping over supply crates and low fences like a lothcat. You turned to see if you had lost your chaser, breath heaving and heart pounding. Behind you was clear, but you took your eyes off your path for just a second too long, and were taken by surprise when a heavy weight fell on you from above.

The Trandoshan had gone over the low sandstone roofs, chasing you easily through the alleyways of Mos Eisley while you were none the wiser. He pinned you under him quickly, ripping your blaster off your hip and pointing your own barrel in your face. “Tha’ss enough, princesss! Nice n’ quietlike now. You gonna make me a pretty penny you are.” The lizard’s words dripped with metaphorical venom, though you were sure by the look of those fangs that real venom was probably right behind. “Ahm gonna cart yer arse right back to th’ Guild’n I’ll become th’ most famous hunter in th’ galax -urk!”  With a sickening gag the hunter above you grew a shiny new fang in the back of his throat before falling down dead on top of you, a vibroblade protruding from back of his skull.

“Took you long enough!” You hollered at your chrome companion, who was stepping forward to kick the carcass off of you. “Where the fuck have you been? Getting your rifle polished?” He pulled you to your feet, handing you your blaster while readjusting the mask on your face. You swatted at his fussing hands, but when you looked at him you were shocked to see not one but three blinking bounty fobs dangling from his belt. On the ground by the dead lizard was a fourth, flashing rapidly in the sand.

“I told you you weren’t safe! We need to leave right now.”  You were barely able to grab the remaining bounty fob while you were being tugged away by your allied hunter. He had a death grip on your hand, pulling you along behind him towards what you hoped was the docking hangar. You would have to cross the main street to get there, and as the pair of you plowed across the dusty, busy road there came shouts from either side. More hunters, fucking Guild! You didn’t have a single second to assess them before you were lead through an alley on the other side of the street. These were darker than the ones you had run through on the west side of town, and shady bodies moved quickly out of the way of your living locomotive.

At the end of a narrow alley you both burst through a door leading into an abandoned building. The darkness was almost worse than the blinding sunlight, you would need time for your eyes to adjust but the Mandalorian had enough sensory detection equipment that he ghosted through the ruinous building with ease; never once letting go of your hand as you tripped and stumbled through the dark. The sound of crashing and shouting was hot on your tail, the other hunters had followed you and were gaining fast. You saw a light rapidly approaching ahead, and the two of you burst out into the brilliant daylight to the worst possible place: a dead fucking end.

“There! Get down!” Mando pointed at a pile of rubble, probably big enough to hide behind, but that’s not how you handled business.

“Fuck you! I’m not going down without a fight!” You pulled your blaster out and aimed at the incoming assailants. He growled at you and stepped closer, putting his body in between you and the door. The reptilian hunters burst from the darkness of the warehouse, firing rapid shots of blaster charges that bounced off of Mando’s beskar. You fired over his protective arm, taking out the first one and tripping up the second, who fell over his cohorts limp body. Mando took shot after shot to the chest, reeling with each impact. His other arm cocked back and shot out, sending a wall of fire into the last of the Guild’s hired guns.

Both of you were panting, shaking and sweating from flying through Mos Eisley, but the sound of blaster fire would draw attention and you knew there was no time to waste. You stepped over the incinerated corpse, making sure the fob it carried was melted, the second body still squirmed in the dirt, and you weren’t going to let it get a second chance, firing your blaster through it’s scaly skull. You picked the remaining two fobs and stuffed them in your pockets, making a run for it back through the building with Mando right behind, the blaze of his flamethrower lighting your way.

You took a different door out of the building and were relieved to see the words ‘HANGAR 3-5′ painted in bright blue Basic straight ahead. You skittered through the entrance, rounding the corner and dropping down behind the edges of the hangar doorway. Mando did the same on the other side, both of you pointing your blasters back towards Mos Eisley’s dark heart. Bootsteps behind you made you snap around, and you nearly shot your mechanically inclined host.

“You kids have fun out there?” Peli stood over where you were hunched, and you lowered your blaster to the ground. At her feet your little buddy was holding onto her pant leg, making big puppy dog eyes at you. You looked over to Mando to make sure there weren’t any more coming, but he still held his blaster out ahead. After a few tense seconds he lowered it down until it was back in its’ holster, then pulled himself to his feet.

“We can’t stay any longer, we’re putting you in danger. Time to go, kiddo.” His charred beskar still shimmered when he bent down to pick up his adopted son, who chirped with delight. “Thank you for watching him.”

“He can stay any time! Oh and thanks for all the snacks you made that droid bring me!” Peli called after the three of you as your party quickly boarded the Razor, making you turn around and stick your tongue out at her. She happily flipped you off and started closing the ground entrance to the bay, letting you board the ship uninterrupted. Fortunately, the courier droid’s delivery had made it to the ship, though you couldn't help but notice a few of your most carefully picked snacks had been taken as collateral. Fucking Peli. As much as she infuriated you, there wasn’t another person on all of Tatooine that you would rather play sabacc with.

The old rust bucket rumbled to life, taking off into the midafternoon sky and pointed towards the stars. Finally! Bye motherfucker. The hazy atmosphere of the outer rim planet fell away below you until the light of the bright yellow world illuminated the Crest’s stern. The pre-Imperial scrapheap started howling with noise, and you were almost thrown to the deck when it blasted into the safety of hyper space.

Your heart was still racing and you struggled to catch your breath. Once you had yourself in order you started busying yourself with putting the supplies away, filling the food larder to capacity. The child was contentedly telling you about his day with his auntie in his cute baby gibberish, and you picked him up off the ground to give him a much needed hug, pushing your stolen identity onto the top of your head to give him kisses. You almost wanted to ignore the sound of heavy armored boots hitting the floor panel under the ladder, their wearer opting to jump down from the cockpit rather than climb. You could feel the fury coming off of him as he stalked over to where you were sorting your treasures.

“You could have been hurt! I knew it was a bad idea to let you go wandering around, even with your face covered. What if they’d caught you? I picked three of them off before you even saw one!”

“I had it under control, Mando! I’m not some princess that needs you coming to her rescue at every sign of a struggle. And you don’t get to let me do anything, you don’t own me!” The man under your scrutiny paced the cabin on stiff legs with his hands on his hips, helmet snapping with rage.

“I know you can handle yourself, but I need to protect you.” He said with a huff, “And that lizard was... he had you pinned down, had his filthy, scaly claws on you... Nobody should touch you like that! What if.. what if he... I- I- didn’t like that he was...” Listening to the sound of the gears jamming in his head made you realize the ridiculous thing he was trying to say.

“Are you.. Mando are you jealous?”

“No! I- I’m.. Cyar’ika I... ”

Oh no, you don’t get to be cute right now. “I don’t know what that means, Mando! What is that, some kind of sexy little pet name you use on all the girls you take underneath of you?”

“NO! I didn’t- I would nev- I’ve never had... There’s never been- no!” Oh how you wished you could see his face, watching him flail trying to defend himself from your accusation, he was probably white as a sheet under all that armor.

“Never what, Mandalorian?”

“I’ve never had anyone in this ship before!” The Mandalorian’s confession lost steam halfway through as embarrassment and fear crept into his throat, threatening to choke him with his own secrets.

“Wait.. wait wait. Never? You’ve never had anyone in this ship or...” You started approaching him, analyzing his visor for hints of meaning. “Or you’ve never had anyone at all?” The Mandalorian stopped his pacing, but his shoulders looked like they were carrying the weight of the galaxy. His silence told you everything, and the last piece of his puzzle fell into place. “Mando...was I your first?”

“Y-yes.” His visor tilted up to you, hands fidgeting at his sides. His voice was faint and sheepish, a stark contrast to the thunderstorm you were arguing with a moment ago.  Your eyes were full of questions, all racing through your mind so quickly none of them made it to your mouth. The metal man answered them all for you in one singular motion, raising his fist to knock a couple times against his beskar helmet. His creed.

“So, what, you guys aren’t allowed to have sex?”

He sighed his heavy, trademarked sigh and plopped down on the nearest supply crate with a defeated thud, cradling his head in his hands. “No it’s not that. Not... not exactly. In Mando’a the word we use is me'dinuir. It means ‘to give’, specifically to give yourself to another. And... when you give yourself away to someone-“ He turned the black gloss of his single eye up to you, “-you belong to them. That is The Way.”

The weight of his words made your blood cold. He was jealous, but not just because that other hunter had put his scaly hands on you. Everything about his attitude around you suddenly made sense, the way he had looked at you when you were presenting yourself to him that first day, why he never threw you in carbonite when he probably should have, and how he had stayed with you through the night after you nearly died hunting his bounty. His mysterious way of life decreed that giving his body to you meant that he had also given you his soul, and that made you just as important to protect as his foundling.

Mando reached out to pat the fuzzy green head of the baby you were still holding, who gibbered sleepily up at his armor plated papa. “I’m sorry to put that on you, and I’m sorry for how I acted. You’re not my bounty anymore, and I shouldn’t try to control you. I understand if you don’t want to continue with me to the next bounty. You can take whatever you want from the armory when we land next. I’m.. I’m so sorry.” The monolithic man looked so tiny now, sitting on the edge of the crate with his shoulders hunched. He reached his arms out to take his infant son from you, hugging him to his blast-burnt chest and smoothing his massive ears. "I didn’t get to thank you for washing him earlier, he smells really good.”

You desperately needed to know more, though the sight of him fawning over his sleepy son made your heart swell. “I kinda got the feeling that you were rusty when we met, but that was actually your first time? And what does that mean ‘you belong to them’? How can you belong to me? I don’t even know your name.”

"It means that I’m now sworn to protect the one that carries my soul. I’m not asking you to do the same, you’re not Mandalorian.”

His words made you feel sick, ashamed that you had taken something so sacred from him without a second thought, but how could you have known? He could have stopped at any time, you were the one in cuffs that day, not him. No, out of trillions and trillions of sentient beings in the galaxy he chose to give himself to you, knowing full well what his heritage decreed. Why you? Arms crossed, you dug deeper. “You’ve never seen another naked body than your own?”

He shook his head. “Just... holo-vids...”

You were going to have to ask him about those later. “Nothing? You’ve at least kissed someone before though, right?”

“Kissed?”

Maker fucking help you. “Yeah you know, kissing? The thing you do with your... oh, right." You reached up and tapped him twice on the beskar. “You need your face to do it.”

He cocked his helmet at you. “Can you show me?”

The innocence of his question made you melt. Fuck you, tin can, you’re not supposed to be cute when you’re in trouble. You reached your hand out, demanding he give you his, and shyly he obeyed. You pulled his hand to your lips, unsure of how much he could actually feel through his thick leather gloves. You pressed his hand to your lips and watched his whole body snap straight. “Kiss, like that.”

He was staring at his hand like he’d never seen it before, and after a moment he pulled your locked fingers to his head, tapping his forehead with the back of your hand. “Kov’nynir, But we do it with our helmets.”  At this rate you’ll be speaking Mando’a in no time. He still held your hand gently, running his thumb over your fingers. “I think I like your way better. Could... Could you do that again?”

So polite, maybe having him stuck with you wouldn’t be so bad. You pulled his hand back to you, giving him another soft kiss on the side of his thumb, and you heard the sound of his breath catching in his modulator. Your lips pressed to each of his knuckles, and then you turned his wrist to kiss his palm. “How’s that?”

“That’s amazing.”

“You like that? Watch this.” Addressing the bantha in the room would have to wait. You tugged his glove off, revealing the warm bronze skin underneath and kissed him again. The hitched breaths coming out of his modulator were honey to your ears, and you turned his wrist over to kiss his bare palm again, hunting for more sweet sounds. His body was so stiff, so tightly wound you thought he might snap. “Are you ok? Do I need to stop?”

“I- I- want to... Can... Can I try?” You nodded, your heart jumping to your throat at the thought of him removing his helmet in front of you, but instead he gently reached up to the busted droid face you still wore on your head. With a twist of a knob the armatures inside of the eye casings coiled shut, and when he slid the mask down into place you were thrown into total darkness. “Can you see?” You shook your head. “Promise?”

You sighed, long and frustrated. “I promise, dark as a sarlacc’s backside.” You were met with only silence. Then, after what felt like an eternity you heard the sliding sound of metal as the child’s pram shield slid closed, then the shuffle of armor being removed, and lastly the dull thunk of something heavy being set down on the crates. His hand found yours again, and he pressed his lips against your skin. They were hotter than you were expecting, and soft, almost plush. You understood right away why he was so rigid when you were doing the same, it was amazing. Gentle kisses made their way over the back of your hand and made heat flood through your veins. He moved slowly over each joint, following the same pattern you had shown him, then turned your hand over and kissed at your fingertips. Something fuzzy brushed along with his lips, and you imagined that he might have a mustache. The shivers that crept their way up from your captured hand knocked all the strangeness of your conversation out of your mind, but when he reached your wrist he stopped.

“Where else do you kiss at?” You nearly fainted at the sound of his unfiltered voice, a rich baritone that dripped with dark intentions and stole all the words from your mouth. You could only point with your other hand at the forearm attached to the hand he held. Again you felt his lips on your wrist, then slowly, inch by agonizing inch he made his way up your arm, each kiss slower than the last until your toes were curling in their boots. When he reached the edge of the tunic’s sleeve that hung at your elbow he paused again. “Where else?”

“Everywhere.”  Your tormentor hummed at your consenting words and let go of your hand to run his palms down your clothed thighs. When he reached your knees he pulled on their joints, bidding you to bring your legs up over his lap. When you were seated on him he resumed his trek up your arm, kissing at the crease of your elbow and then upwards over your tunic until he reached your shoulder. When he got to your neck you almost buckled over, but his hands were at your back in an instant, wrapping heavily around your waist. Your own hands made their way to the nape of his neck, and your fingers found the edge of his hairline that you had felt before. To your delight you felt that the tousled curls went all the way up, and you tangled your fingers in them, exploring their softness while he explored you.

His journey led him up your neck to the base of your jaw where he nipped gently at the sensitive skin like you had done to him last night, sending a fresh wave of goosebumps from your head to your toes. When his nose bumped the edge of your mask you were suddenly aware of how silly you might look with your big bug eyes. “Can I take this thing off?” you asked in a whisper. “I won’t look.”

“I have a better Idea. Hold on tight.” You dug your hands into his shoulders and felt his arms wrap under your legs as he stood up, lifting you with such ease that you wondered if he felt your weight at all. His boots echoed through the cabin until he stopped at the other end. You hung on for dear life while he climbed the ladder with you still wrapped around his front. When you both reached the top you let yourself unwind from him and scooted on your butt over the floor, listening to the sound of him pulling himself all the way up. You remained seated as your host fussed around the flight deck, the noise of buttons pressing and switches being thrown the only input to your deprived senses.

You were only unattended for a moment, then his hands found your waist, fishing for the edge of your shirt. The tunic was pulled up and over your head, taking your mask with it, and you squeezed your eyes shut to protect his modesty; unsure of what his unconventional oath to you included in the fine print. Your diligence was rewarded with a kiss on your forehead, then down to kiss both of your closed eyes, and then lastly to your lips. The searing heat of his mouth on yours threatened to throw your eyes open, but when they fluttered all you saw was darkness. The transperisteel’s blast shielding had been closed, and the only light in the cockpit came from a handful of illuminated buttons on the dash.

He was lying over top of you on the metal floor, one arm wrapped under your neck for support. The cold decking under you was uncomfortable, but you couldn’t be bothered to care, letting yourself be consumed by his kisses and becoming drunk on the scent of leather and adrenaline. The soft fuzz of his facial hair tickled slightly as he pressed into your lips, and you couldn’t help but smile. Your hands went to his face, running your thumbs over his cheeks and feeling what you weren’t allowed to see. His face was scruffy but not unkempt, and the bristles went all the way from his jaw up to the bottom of the defined nose that bumped against your own. You felt the creases on the corners of his eyes, wishing you could see his smile lines and all the stories they would tell.

You kissed him back, letting your tongue glide over his plush lips and making him inhale sharply. You licked into him again, and this time you were met with his tongue as well, just the faintest touch of its tip. He hummed in your mouth, and the sound of him so close made your belly pool with heat and your kisses bolder, sending your tongue deeper into his mouth until he was almost vibrating with the sensation of you exploring something as forbidden as his human body. He mirrored you as best he could, rolling the smooth muscle over your lips and the edges of your teeth until you were both lost in each other’s taste. He pushed his forehead against yours, pulling his mouth away with frantic breaths that spread fire over your skin. “Everywhere?”

You pushed your lips against his again, giving him an ambitions ‘Mmhmm’ as an answer. His growl made the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end, and you realized where his goal was. He kissed and nipped his way down your throat, letting his tongue glide over your skin. He made his way to your breast, taking its’ tender tip between his teeth and making you gasp. He sucked at it gently, rolling his tongue around it while it grew harder for his efforts. The hand not under you groped at your free breast so it wouldn’t be ignored.

"Beep!”

An urgent chime echoed in the tiny space, the hyperdrive indicator was flashing its countdown warning: 10 minutes remain.

The Mandalorian’s growl on your breast made your blood turn to ice and your core flush with heat at the same time. He wanted to devour you, taste every single inch of your exposed skin, but time was not on your side; and he became a man on a mission to prove himself worthy of you. Bristles dragged over your skin as he slid down your belly until he hit the edge of your pants. They were yanked off so fast you briefly worried about the krayt teeth that were still in their pockets, but you didn’t have long to think before Mando was poised over the apex of your thighs, kissing at each leg to make his intentions known. Those must be some good holo-vids you’re watching, tinman. You let him push your legs apart with his chin, receiving a soft kiss on each one once they were far enough apart for him to stuff his face in between.

Your back arched, hard, followed by the most ragged moan you‘d ever heard escape your throat. The grip on your thighs kept you in place as he lapped at your clit, sucking and teasing in an experimental way. His inexperience didn’t seem to matter, his hunger for you fueling his efforts and making you squirm in delight. Your hands sought desperately for something to grab onto to keep yourself grounded, finding his lovely curls to bury your fingers in deep. It was all you could do to hold on for dear life, tangling in his hair and struggling to breathe as he worked you into a frenzy.

The noises coming from below your waist were heavenly, wet and greedy in between his hums of contentment. It took you a while to realize they weren’t hums at all, but alien words of worship being prayed at your sinful altar; but the blood pounding in your ears and the gasps from your throat were too loud for you to hear his devotion.

“Beep beep!”  Five minutes remain. Fuck.

The Mandalorian’s efforts doubled, running his tongue almost too quickly in his attempt to eat you alive. You let your hips grind into his mouth, begging him to bring you your release, and it wasn’t long before he succeeded. Stars flashed behind your eyes as you came into his hot open mouth, but he refused to leave until he had drank his fill of you. Eventually he pulled his face away from your spent heat with agonizing slowness, as if he would rather drown than address the impending drop from hyperspace. He kissed at your shaky thighs, your soft belly, and each breast before pressing his lips into your panting mouth, pushing the taste of you onto your own tongue. His breath was ragged, and you could feel the sweat of his brow where it was pushed against your face. 

He lifted away from you, and the weight of the handmade mask was draped over your face, making you groan with the displeasure of your passion being cut short. However, once it was in place, it was almost immediately pushed under by strong fingers to lift its edge, and you were given one last kiss to swear his promise of return to you.

“Din. My name is Din.”

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TAG LIST  @mrsparknuts​ @cookiejuicedesu​ @mandoinevarro​ @kaermorons​

[avengerscompound]

Until the End of the World - 13

Until the End of the World: A Captain America Fanfic

Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers x F!Reader

Word Count:  2085

Rating:  E

Warnings: pregnancy

Synopsis: Four years after Steve and Bucky got to the bottom of the HYDRA conspiracy that had led to you and your son being hunted for the first three years of his life, you, Bucky, and Steve have carved out a nice life together.  Things are calm and you feel like a family unit.  When Geo starts calling Bucky and Steve ‘dad’, a decision is made to try and add to your family.

Things aren’t as calm as they seem.  When your pregnancy hits the papers, HYDRA rears its head once again, and Steve and Bucky need to track you down to protect the family they had created.

Chapter 13

The paperwork was all put in to adopt Geo.  Steve had put his lawyers on it, petitioning to allow both he and Bucky to go onto the birth certificate as adoptive parents, while you also kept your legal rights as a parent too.  The lawyers had said for everyone not to get their hopes too high, it was hard to be the precedent, but they were on it.  Bucky hoped it worked.  He read that in Canada there had been not only a lesbian couple that had been allowed to have both mothers and the donor father listed on the birth certificate of a child, but also a polyamorous family with two fathers and a mother all listed as parents on their child’s birth certificate too.

Bucky hoped that maybe if both he and Steve could adopt Geo, it would lead to both being listed on their little girl’s birth certificate too.  He hadn’t brought up his idea to go to Canada to have the baby yet.  It might be a little much to convince Steve to have a Canadian baby considering who he was.  But he might if it meant they could both be listed as her parents.

For now, Bucky would keep his fingers crossed and hope that the world might just surprise him and accept him and his family for what they were, even if maybe that was more than he’d earned yet.  There were other things to worry about.

The apartment was finally finished and you, Steve, Bucky, and Geo were moving your things back in.  It wasn’t a huge job, as almost everyone’s belongings had stayed in the apartment and just been covered in drop sheets while the work was done.  But still, there were clothes and Geo’s toys and random miscellaneous items that had drifted to the guest apartment they’d been using while construction had been underway.  Not to mention, even though all their things were there, the new rooms were empty and things needed to be reorganized to fit the space.

Bucky and Steve were in charge of moving the larger things, while you and Geo did smaller runs back and forth with clothes and toys and went about putting up pictures in new places and spreading out nicknacks.

“The baby doesn’t have a bed yet,” Geo said as nosed around the rooms, trying to get a feel for the new space.

The nursery had been done.  It was painted a light purple and Steve had been spending some of his free time painting a forest mural on one wall, but aside from the furniture they’d had built-in, like the wardrobe and sets of drawers, the room was still completely empty.

“We wanted to wait until the place was ready before we bought any,” Steve answered, ruffling Geo’s hair as he passed him in the hall, one large bag hefted over his shoulder.  “Did you want to go out and help us pick when we do that?”

Geo shrugged.  “I don’t mind.  I wanna buy her some toys.”

“We can do that,” Steve agreed.

You came out of the bedroom and dragged the drop sheet off one of the couches, before flopping down on it.

“You okay, babe?”  Bucky asked, stopping near you with his arms full of clothes.

“Yeah.  Just my back is aching and the baby is kicking me so much,” you complained.

“Let me just put this down and I’ll come and rub your back,” Bucky said, carrying the things into the bedroom and dumping them on the bed.  He came back out and removed the drop sheets from all the furniture and took a seat beside you.   “Can you get in a comfortable position?”

You got on your knees and leaned over the arm of the couch, resting your head on your arms.  Bucky began to gently work out the tension in your lower back.  Steve came back through the room followed by Geo as Bucky began to feel your muscles relaxing.

“Maybe it’s a good time for a break anyway,” Steve said.  “Do you want a drink?”

“Lemonade, please,” you half-moaned.

Geo sat down on the recliner and popped it out.  He was still quite small and in the large chair, he looked tiny.  His legs barely went over the side even when it wasn’t in the recline position.  He grabbed his tablet and immediately began playing a game with FRIDAY.  His eyes flickered as he communicated with her using his technopathic abilities.

Steve bought over a tray with a jug of lemonade and five glasses.  “Do we want to order lunch in?”

“Yes, please,” you moaned.

“Maybe you should rest and Bucky and I will finish unpacking,” Steve suggested.

“Gee, thanks for volunteering me, pal,” Bucky teased, earning a soft laugh from Steve.

Steve grabbed his phone and started to flick through it.  “What are we feeling?  Subs?  Something from a deli?  Something a little more hearty?”

“I’m feeling sandwich and soup, and a pickle on the side,” you said.

“I’m fine with that,” Bucky said, his hands sliding up your back a little while he massaged you.

“Geo?”  Steve said.  “You want soup and a sandwich?”

“Mac and cheese, please,” he answered without looking up.

Steve chuckled.  “Always have to make things difficult.  I’ll see what I can find.”

He tapped around on his phone for a little while before he found somewhere and then handed his phone to you.  You added some things to the cart, while Bucky massaged you.  “What are you feeling, Bucky?”  You asked, holding the phone for him to see.

“The Italian and-” his eyes flicked over everything as you scrolled down.  “-the loaded baked potato.”

You added them and sent the order in.  Bucky kept massaging you back and for a while that the only sounds in the room were the hum of the aircon, the tap of Geo’s fingers on the screen of his tablet, and the groans you would make when Bucky hit a particularly sensitive spot.

Eventually, you seemed to tire of the position you were in and you sat back, and put your feet in Bucky’s lap.  He immediately began to rub your feet.

“The good news is, we’re nearly done with the big things,” Steve said.  “We still have to spread out into the extra space, but there’s no rush to do that.”

“That’s good.  Your daughter is kicking the hell out of me,” you said.

“I’m sorry, honey,” Steve said.  “And she’s a little super soldier.”

“Yeah, be careful she doesn’t break one of your ribs,” Bucky said and ran his hands up your leg and pressed it against your stomach.

“How am I supposed to be careful?”  You snarked, moving his hand so it was in a better position.  No one else had been able to feel the kicks yet but this was a normal routine for the family.  You’d tell them you could feel the baby.  Steve or Bucky would put their hand on your stomach.  You’d move it to the spot you could feel them, and then nothing would happen.  Bucky lived in hope though.  It had to happen sooner or later.  “She’s inside me.  What can I do to stop her?”

Bucky chuckled and leaned over and kissed your forehead.  “Nothing with that attitude.”

He sat back and pressed his metal hand down against the baby bump where you held it.

He wasn’t particularly fond of his metal arm.  Sure there was this objective part of him that appreciated the technology.  It was very advanced, even for today’s standards for prosthetics, and he had always been a big fan of technology.  He appreciated that it allowed him to function easily.  He could get by without it and had done for a while and despite the fact, his hair would get caught in it from time to time, it did make it easier to do things like washing his hair and fastening the buttons on his clothes.

However, there were a lot of issues too.  It was heavy for one.  He had to lean to the right to compensate, which made his back ache on the best of days and meant his gate was a little off, and if he had to do a lot of walking or running, his hips would be screaming at him by the end of the day.  The new one was lighter but it still wasn’t as light as his flesh and blood arm.  The way it connected to his body caused problems too.  He wasn’t exactly sure they were all physical problems, or just in his head, but the way the skin rubbed against metal was irritating, and he knew, at least originally, HYDRA hadn’t cared about him, just the arm, so the connections weren’t the best, and they hurt all the time, sometimes sending painful spikes right to his head.  He used to scratch at it a lot like he was trying to dig the metal out of his flesh.  The problem was, all that should have been fixed with the new one, but he still felt it from time-to-time and he’d still find himself stretching at it.

It was how it made him feel about himself that was the worst.  Even though this was a new arm, it served as a constant reminder of what had happened to him.  It was an ever serving trigger to his past torture and enslavement.  It meant that he was never going to be a person first.  It was always the weapon, and then the person.  If he ever got too comfortable in his place at home with you and Steve he just had to look at his arm and remember, he wasn’t a boyfriend and a father.  He was a weapon who was lucky enough to have something to come home to.

It was advanced though.  He could hold it against your stomach and feel the texture of the fabric of your clothes and the slight movement of your body shifting under him.  He didn’t exactly know how they’d made it so he had such fine control and was able to perceive touch with it, but it worked.  Not as well as his real hand, but enough that he would use either when testing fruit for ripeness, or the temperature of water.  He’d never really appreciated that before.  But when he felt that press from inside you as the baby kicked, he had never appreciated that prosthetic arm more.

“Was that her?”  He asked, sitting up quickly.  “I didn’t just glitch did I?”

Steve moved so fast that one second he was over on the recliner and the next he was on his knees beside you.  “You felt her?”

“She did kick there, so … yes?”  You answered.

Bucky switched hands, pressing down on your stomach.  It was like the baby pushed back against him, trying to repel the thing intruding on her limited space.  “I felt her.  It’s soft, but I can feel her.”

Steve pushed Bucky’s hand out of the way and pressed his hand where Bucky’s had just been.  It took a moment but Bucky saw exactly when their daughter kicked because Steve’s face lit up from within.  So much happiness and love and excitement were written on his features.  He leaned down and pressed his forehead on your stomach.  “Hey in there,” he whispered.  “Are you giving your mommy trouble?”

Bucky looked over at Geo.  “G, you want to feel the baby kicking?”

Geo looked up.  “Yeah?”

“Yeah, bud,” you said, waving him over.  “Come feel your sister.”

 He slid off the recliner and came over, Steve made room for him and guided the little boy’s hand to the stop on your stomach where the baby was kicking.  He looked down furrowing his brow.  “Does it feel like a little bump?”  Geo asked.

“Yeah, like a twitch.  She’s still very very small,” you explained.

“I feel it,” he said grinning.  “That’s my sister?”

“Yeah, that’s her,” you said.

“You think she’s giving you a high five, bud?”  Bucky asked.

Geo giggled and nodded. “Yeah, she is.”

Bucky chuckled and rubbed Geo’s arm.  It was strange, he hated his metal arm, and yet, it was what drew Geo’s attention that day he met you, and now it was the one that felt the baby kick first.  It was a sign of so many things that were taking from him, and now it was bringing him new, amazing things.  Maybe he could start seeing it for the positives too.

// NEXT

[jiminrings]

the volleyball shorts

pairing: jungkook x y/n

wordcount: 5k

glimpse: coach koo’s just dying to know what his present is, you’re panicking because you can’t think of a present, and jimin and the gang tolerate jungkook a little bit better because it’s his special day :D // contains smut + gif isn’t mine!!

notes: happy birthday jungkook!!! i baked brownies irl for you u should come over sometime!!!

if you’ve read most valuable, the piece that started it all, then you knOw what i’m alluding to with jungkook and his relationship with y/n’s volleyball shorts!!

you swear,,

you could even really SWEAR on the brand-new refrigerator that you need to knock twice on to see what it contained that you split the price with jimin

and forcibly with also jungkook because he stays over so much at yours and jimin’s place that he’s basically a roommate now

and alsO forcibly with taehyung and yoongi because apparently your apartment is now everyone’s gathering place and they raid and inhale ur fridge atleast 72 times per day that the electricity bill’s gone up

that yesterday, it was just a month away from jungkook’s birthday!! you swear!!

and two hours ago, it was two weeks away!!

AND NOW

you can’t really digest the truth

that it’s just f i v e days away now

and you have zero thoughts to how you’re gonna throw jungkook his birthday bash :D

the guys probably figured that out too lol because they have an idea to how you’d be all over the place for even something miniscule

like one time you and jimin bought two rugs you couldn’t decide upon then you just agreed that you’d fit it underneath the coffee table and whichever looks ugly, you’ll return it later

but then the two rugs ended up being too pretty that you couldn’t decide nOW

and jupiter barked out of the blue and it was a eureka moment because :D aHA jimin what if we just let jupiter pick out the rug?? then that way it’s fair???

but then jupiter ended up lying on bOTH the rugs and now you were distraught

jimin was reassuring you like eH it’s okay let’s just go about our days and not spend y’know :D all our time trying to figure out what to pick :D

and then you obviously refused and you stayed up the whole night picking a goddamn rug and jimin was so close to toppling over in fear when he went to grab water at three in the morning

anyways

that’s why they’re here!!! even before you could call and gather them up when jungkook had to leave by himself to settle some things because he’s the coach,,

even before you could text tae and yoongi to take the elevator, they’re already knocking at your door

“...”

“......”

everyone’s just looking at each other in this makeshift circle you’re all in around the coffee table

even jupiter’s stopped barking and he’s been barking for the past five minutes at the new cactus succulent that jimin bought!!!

they’re waiting

waiting for that —

“I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO FOR JUNGKOOK I’M SUCH A BAD GIRLFRIEND A-AND-“

aha

meltdown

“not to stir the pot, but jungkook always zones out at practice and even during games then gIGGLES to himself!! and when i ask him why, he says that he’s just thinking about what you’re getting him for his birthday!!”

jimin shudders at that too because whew

like he knew that koo sometimes talks to inanimate objects but man his superior (albeit younger) is out here imagining his birthday present in the middle of a neck-and-neck game

he’s conversing with himself like he’s talking to you and that just makes him speechless

“kook buddy i haven’t played volleyball competitively in like two years but i sUGGEST you focus or else i will spike you haha jk but no really ahaha :))”

“not to stir the pot too, but jungkook asked me to play happy birthday. on the snare. happy birthday. ON THE SNARE.”

this time, it’s taehyung’s turn to shudder

because he got a new head that’s louder and more tear-resistant and he wanted to try it out ok

and what better way to try that than when it’s in one of your practice games??

he has his drumsticks already lifted but then out of nowhere jungkook pOps out with a cheeky grin on his face and tae almost pokes him in the eye

“how many syllables are your name, tae?”

“... are you really asking me this?”

“yeah!! how many?”

“... three, jungkook. what, do you need ME to count yOUR syllables for you??”

oh my god that is such a stupid question

but it’s coming from jungkook so lmao tae isn’t all that surprised

“what’s three plus twenty?”

“i get that you’re an athlete but don’t you kNOW how to count???”

“hyung what’s three plus twenty??”

“... twenty-three....”

tae’s so close to narrowing his eyes because if this is another one of jungkook’s lame pranks then he’s gonna whack him in the head for this

but then all of a sudden jungkook jUMPS and squeals before clapping his hands

“twenty-three days before my birthday!! quick quick play happy birthday for me nOW :D”

that’s so... chilling

“now not to stir the pot even further, but y/n,,, baby,,, why didn’t you brainstorm earlier??”

yoongi goes straight-in for the kill and it’s his version of “i told you so” but that does not make it better whatsoever

that’s the thing you don’t know either!!!!

and it’s totally your fault and you shouldn’t have been complacent because now you’re paying the repercussions of cramming AND panic-sweating!!!

it’s okay!

you got this! :D

“how about some more black shirts??” tae pitches in and it’s a resounding no from you and the assistant coach

“jungkook has enough of those,, even jimin and i can take a dozen from his stash and it won’t even make a dent!!”

jimin’s racking his brain and he hasn’t thought about something this hard but ok fine anything for you

“new chunky shoes?? but uGH he already has too many of those-“ that makes him groan even harder because buying another pair for kook means him tripping over them

not to mention that the shoe rack is now taken over by jungkook atleast 50%

and once again jimin reiterates <3 this is the y/n and jimin apartment and nOT the y/n and jimin and this dude that dOESN’T pay rent apartment

yoongi’s in deep thought as everyone around him throws ideas around

okay dOn’t tell anyone but yoongi’s now getting into bullet-journaling :D

tae just gave him a dotted notebook one day because he accidentally bought a dozen instead of one from amazon so lol here hyung u like writing right???

by writing, yoongi meant scribbling haphazardly and waking up the next day and trying to decipher his own handwriting

but then he came over to your apartment and you bought pastel highlighters because they were on sale and nOT because you needed them and you wanted to try them out!!! but jungkook was sick that time and you needed to make soup :((

“yeah ok leave it to me,, i’ll swatch it for you or something.,.,.”

one thing led to another and :D AHA

yoongi blackmailed everyone to not say a single word to anyone that he now loves bullet-journaling and he had to whack tae one time when he kept teasing him

also he now has a bujo account on instagram and it’s nearing 5k followers omg and he will d-word when someone irl finds out that it’s him

“boxers.”

yoongi says seriously and it makes everyone shut up because he sounded sO sure

he just has this certain authorative aura around him that you wavered because oH right yes boxers,,, will buy,,,, thank you

lol but you snapped out of it

“jungkook already has too many boxers!! he likes basketball shorts more nowadays and-“

“what? who said the boxers were for jungkook??” yoongi scrunches his nose at your ridiculous reply

your eyes are squinted so hard as you try to decipher the flow of thoughts of everyone in this circle

“oh. i want boxers. want them for christmas!! take note, y/n.”

oh

okay

cool

good news: you now know what you’re gonna give to yoongi on christmas

bad news: you dON’T know what to give to your boyfriend on his birthday five days from now

there’s something somewhere in the middle of all the banter that you’ve tuned out though

something that just makes your eyes bulge and hit whoever’s lap is beside you repeatedly (first of all it’s jimin’s for the record and second oW THAT HURTS) with a grin on your face before you hurriedly stand up and they equally as hurriedly do after

“i know what to get!!”

jungkook’s stArting to get antsy if he’s being honest

it’s not because he’s in his own apartment with you after so long he’s stayed over at yours

he really doesn’t mind that bit, no

jimin, tae, and yoongi were all staying over at your apartment instead as they make the last bit of preparations for jungkook’s birthday the next day!!

they all insisted that you rest because you’ve been so frantic the last couple of days and tbh even taehyung hyped of tWO cups of coffee can’t keep up

no — jungkook’s so antsy because he doesn’t know what you have in store for him :((

for the last five days you haven’t touched him nor did you let him touch you :((

a heated makeover that’s cut too short is as far as it could only go and he’s just so????

like is that a part of your birthday surprise or nOT

he has a love-hate relationship with surprises now because first of all,,,

he kNOWS that there’s gonna be a surprise and that excites him

but the worst of it all is that he knows there’s a surprise but he doesn’t know what it is

that’s like uhm

standing fifty feet away and being forced to pick between a lifetime supply of sugar and salt that’s placed into jars but u don’t know which is which

that is such an odd example to compare it to but that’s only what jungkook could process this now oKAY

you still let jungkook cuddle you so he guesses he could still touch you

he could rest his hand on your tummy!!!

but riGht when he’s about to sneak in a lil squeeze at your boob over your shirt then that’s when you slap his hand away and he frowns

just some hOURS left and it’s finally his birthday!!! he’ll just nuzzle to your neck and all would be fine :)

the lil party’s gonna be thrown in jungkook’s apartment anyways because as you’ve all come to known:

his apartment’s bigger than the one you and jimin share and that irks him because!!!

“yOU have the bigger and better aprtment why are you still cramping at ours???”

“i like staying with you guys!!!”

“nO you like staying with y/n and i come in handy when you need to steal someone’s pasta from!! i bought you tupperware and wrote your name on it but you still eat from mINE!!”

now everyone has their designated roles

jimin’s in charge of making the lasagna and he takes great pride in arranging the layers neatly and not half-assing the amount of cheese

taehyung had the great idea of wAIT what if they don’t like lasagna?? (jimin was offended by that omg who wouldn’t like my lasagna are u kiddinG)

so what he did was bring over this foldable table :D lay cups of ramen neatly :D decorate jungkook’s kettle because he realized that it looks like dOlphin when you tilt it sideways :D

and it’s now tae’s ramen station and so far the party-goers are LOVING it and it’s a close tie between him n jimin

yoongi’s in charge of food that the other two didn’t bother to think about basically

you locked jungkook in his own room lmao and had to bribe him with a kiss or two to stay there and not leave until you tell him to

you’re in charge of the decoration and not to toot ur own horn or anything but you did a pretty damn good job :D

there’s foil balloons you had to blow up and decorate meticulously

lol jimin accidentally bought the wrong ones so now it’s JUNGK00K instead of JUNGKOOK

you even learned how to fold paper cranes so u could fold the quantity of them to jungkook’s age for yoongi to stick them up to the ceiling

you EVEN bought blackout curtains and a lil disco light!!! that’s how well-put you were despite cram-planning!!

it was time to let out jungkook because the guests were starting to come in

and oh my gOD jungkook does clean up well..,.. wow

he’s dressed himself in just a white button-up but with the sleeves folded and some buttons left alone

thEn it’s the same black jeans but with a fancy belt he only pulls out whenever he goes to prissy parties!!!

and oh god

oh my

it’s his slicked hair that’s showing his forehead and tHAT’S when it sinks in you that oh.,.,. right.,.. jungkook’s growing his hair out and he’s been in a cap this past week and OH

it only hits you that oh.,.. jesus christ.,.,. jungkook has a mULLET

it’s a mullet-type of situation and it’s part-straight and part-wavy and wOW

you want nothing more but to pounce on him and it makes you audibly gUlp

jungkook’s as surprised as you were of him because w-wait a second

ok you’re wearing your favorite white shirt with the print on it that you wear at home!! he isn’t surprised

but are you wearing vOLLEYBALL SHORTS.,.,..

like as in the same volleyball shorts... that he..... adores..... a-and fantasizes over

oh my god everybody shut up

is that-

is that hIS OLD VARSITY JACKET????

the one with Jeon embroidered in the back and the one he wore to death that it still has his scent on it even if you washed it clean???

.... oh

that uH that makes jungkook put a hand over his chest

god im coming up

the party was an absolute bLAST!!

you and jungkook would stray from each other time to time because you’re each whisked away to talk but you’d always find each other after

you cAn’t contain yourselves at the sight of one another

kook keeps putting his arm around your waist and you keep squeezing his forearm

over-all it was such a great party 20/10

the girls chipped in to buy their coach jungkook (u put the idea in their head and they were amazed because they didn’t think of it) a smartwatch and he was so :D upon receiving it because wOah!!! omg he’s now a smartwatch owner sUck that kim namjoon

kim wears these fancy analog watches still and that makes jungkook roll his eyes because yEa that may be a rolex but my team did obliterate yours lmaOoo what about that huh

jimin’s gift was very heartwarming no matter how much he denies it to be

first he bought jungkook matching slippers with him because he’s so irked to see jungkook in chunky sneakers aLL the time

then uhm

an official key to the apartment and a written letter that when the two of your drive back,,, you could all do a handprint at the picture frame with the four of you and that’s jupiter’s paw included

you’re not gonna lie that dID make you tear up a little bit because wow :((( jimin used to be hesitant of jungkook at first but nOw he’s officially welcoming jungkook in with no anger whatsoever

kook also did cry a lil bit and they hugged it out

taehyung hand-knitted a blanket for jungkook with lil dolphins on them

he missed some stitches but he did his best oKAY and koo was so excited because wow omg this is so good!!!

yoongi bought jungkook a guitar because yeah.,.,. u dO get into my nerves sometimes but i care for you and i guess you’re my little brother now :)) i don’t make the rules

and as for your gift

... well

everyone’s already left and it’s just the two of you now finally

jungkook’s sat at the edge of the bed patiently because you’re fishing for the paper bag you’ve hidden and he’s sO on edge alright

he’s closed his eyes and you didn’t even tell him to so he’s THAT obedient

“you can open them now,” you’re sat on jungkook’s lap and it’s quite the tease for you to be perched near to his knees instead of his crotch but oK he won’t complain yet

it’s a box??

oh

... oH

“that’s for me??”

jungkook awes immediately when he opens to box and sees shiny silver gleam right up at him

it’s the matching thick necklace and bracelet he’s been eyeing for quite some time now yet refUses to buy

and here it is!!!! right in his hands!!!

“yes and they dOn’t allow refunds so please just wear them and don’t make yourself guilty!!”

you’re taking it from his hands and he’s smiling giddily when you clasp the cool jewelry around his neck and on his wrist

cute

and now it’s time for —

“i’m sleepy. are you sleepy yet?”

you do your part in messing with jungkook as you stifle a yawn, pretending to arrange things around the room before settling near him at the edge of the bed

he almost gives himself whiplash to look at you because you can NOT be serious

“no you’re not. you aren’t sleepy. your eyes tear up when you wanna go to bed.”

it’s endearing for you that he knows thay but you just continue to deadpan for the time-being

“i do? well i think i’m tearing up now.”

jungkook scoffs and crosses his arms across his chest because nO your eyes are dry!!!! look at them!!!! not a single tear!!!!

he’s looking at you so pointedly that it makes you chuckle, finally sitting down on his lap properly like he wanted you to that it makes him grunt

jungkook hasn’t had any decent action for a week now and even the slightest contact of you sitting on him, still-clothed, already makes him cRUMBLE

the thought that you’re in your volleyball shorts doesn’t help at all

it’s nice seeing him so flustered and willed right now,, his pupils already blOwn out and you haven’t even done anything

jungkook’s beautiful and that isn’t up to debate but even more-so up close that you could hear his labored yet trembling breathing

“you wanna kiss me?”

that dOES it for him and he almost leaps at the question but that’s when you pull back to which he audibly whines

:D

you come back again but it’s you who initiates it and jungkook practically melts at the taste of your mouth, already getting handsy as he squeezes at your thighs

he’s the one who’s gaining the upper hand and that was nOT the plan so that’s why you pull away right when he’s getting drunk on you

he’s chasing after your lips and you practically tut at him condescendingly that makes him huff again

“say please.”

aHA

jungkook’s eyes widen at that and he scoffs in disbelief because oh my god so tHIS is what you’re doing

now this is what he makes you say

and you never got him to say please because whenever you urge him to he just laUGHS upfront and it makes you pout

no jungkook’s not gonna do —

his giggling’s cut short when you let your mouth wander to his neck and right on to his sweet spot, immediately sucking on it harshly to paint your mark on

there’s slow kisses on his jugular nexy and you won’t do the same as what you did to him the first time and it’s frUstrating

add on to that with how you remind him you’re still on his lap with you grinding on him tOO pain-achingly slow

ok jungkook might say please after all

you’re coming back up to his jaw again and kissing everywhere but his lips that it’s starting to make him cave

“pl-“ he stops himself because oh gOd is he yielding but that’s when you snap too smoothly right on him, the intimate yet clothed feeling of you enough to make him moan in distress

“please?”

it’s instant relief when you’re back to kissing jungkook again and he might just bURST at this point and you’ve only been kissing him

tasting your lips is his first priority and breathing’s his second that it makes you chuckle with how needy he is, having to push him off because you know he’s getting light-headed

jungkook’s regaining his breath and he still wants mORE unsurprisingly

you’re taking off his shirt and stripping off his pants that leaves him with his boxers but on the other hand, you’re sTILL fully-clothed sans the varsity jacket

he’s about to do something with that which explains his grabby hands trYing to take off your shirt

but his hands not only get slapped away again, you’re pINNING them down back to the bed

“y/n i swear-“

he’s growing restless because he needs you right here and right now but you’re just tOO stubborn and bossy which is definitely a switch of roles

you grind on him a little too roughly than you intended to but the feeling’s more than welcome because you feel so fULL already and it makes jungkook unintentionally thrust into you

your shorts are feeling more than damp and his boxers are being a little tOo tight now

that’s when you lift yourself up from his crotch and let go of his hands, your face dangerously near his as his pupils shake

jungkook’s clearly looking at your centre and he whines when you still (purposely) won’t get what he’s trying to say

he’s always clearly had a vision of eating you out in your volleyball shorts that’s for sUre

but he didn’t imagine it like this and you know what he’s not complaining his hips try to buck up but to no avail, your finger hooked underneath his chin to make him look at you again

jungkook looks sO fucked out and he knows that far

he cries like a lost puppy with how you press your thumb to his bottom lips, your other hand making soothing circles on his chest

“you want a taste?” you ask ever so gently and that makes kook nod more than eagerly, about to pull you by your thighs and his mouth’s wAtering just by thinking about it

it’s the tut you give him again that makes him succumb, throat strained as he trains his pleading eyes on you for permission

“p-please?” jungkook’s too impatient to wait for an answer as he roughly grabs you to position your clothed core right above his face, immediately pressing his nose to inhale the scent of you with his lips ghosting your already-soaked folds — something so obscene about it that it almost makes your knees buckle, “that’s a g-good boy.”

he’s rELISHING on the slip of your tongue and he wastes no times in taking off your shorts, diving in with an eager tongue that takes you off-guard

now this is the real deal

jungkook takes mUCH pleasure in giving you yours and the unhinged and dirty moans you’re giving him are egging him on further

you taste so sweet and it’s enough to make him dizzy with how you’re opened up to him and for him only

he has a death grip on your thighs because you keep twitching and on the other hand he’s cravinG for you to take everything he’s giving you

he slips his hand to thumb at your clit in desperate circles and god the countdown to when you’re gonna reach your peak becomes alarmingly too near

jungkook doesn’t stop when you’re tugging at his hair roughly or when you’re yelling out his name like a mantra

jungkook doesn’t stop either when his face from the nose down is starting to get messy with the taste of you

doesn’t stop either when he’s starting to see your eyes become glassy and your lip trembling

absolutely doesn’t stop when you snap suddenly and gush over him because in fact, he still continues with much more fervor

jungkook was messy and kept lapping up at what you were giving him that’s enough to drive you into anoTher orgasm with how sensitive you are

holy fuck

jungkook’s laughing against your neck as you’re draped over him, making flowers bloom on your neck with his tongue as he makes you catch your breath

“there’s still another gift i haven’t showed you.”

okay nOW you’re nervous

kook stops pressing kisses and your words obviously make him perk, trying to hide his fascination and excitement but that’s poorly-done with how he’s trying to hide it

“you have mORE?? think y’already gave me heaven if i’m being honest”

he wouldn’t be opposed because honestly speaking his stamina as of the moment would last him aLL night and he’s on a high just from eating you out!!

oh my god you can’t possibly fall in love more with jungkook

you’re tracing the sweat that’s going down on the necklace and it makes you go lightheaded with how perfect he looks

the imprint of his bracelet’s marked snug on your left thigh with how hard he was gripping you earlier

he’s patiently waiting and waiting on you, drumming his fingers on your thighs in anticipation

here goes nothing!!!!

you take off your shirt and aHH jungkook visibly moans at the sight of a bare you

he’s right you are the present

but nO that’s not what you’re trying to get at

jungkook has his wandering hands taken down for the nth time this week but something about this feels a bit more special and reserved

he’s a little lost when you get off from him and instead sit beside him against the pillows, still kneeling on the bed so you could be higher than how he’s sat right now

he is mORE than lost when you smile at him gently and take his hand to —

oh

oh my god

oH MY GOD

it’s a tattoo

it’s a tiny and dainty tattoo on your rib in black ink

JJK

“jjk? that’s-“

holy fucking sHIT

everybody shut up!!!

everybody pLEASE be quiet jungkook needs a moment rn

it’s his initials

in his handwriting

on your skin.

oh my god

you’ve always adored jungkook’s tattoos i mean it’s nOt a surprise for anyone

they peak from time to time but sometimes they get covered with his coach jackets and his hoodies

and it’s at home where you can see them all

there’s a little inkling in the back of your head that oOH you’ve always wanted one like what he has

what was holding you back was that maybe it would affect your career or whatever

you and jimin read the guidelines for a whole hour and it wasn’t illegal for players to have tattoos!!!

as long as it doesn’t go against the rules and it won’t hinder your play

tattoos on the wrist or in between the fingers or in the forearm were a little risky because it’s always in direct contact with how you play

jimin was all thumbs-up on your idea because he himself has a couple of tattoos and was all wOah that’s so sweet!!!

taehyung was very warm with your idea and he swears that he’ll get one soon just give him some tIME to conceptualize what would his first one be

yoongi agreed and he alsO has tattoos himself and he was the most realistic (?) out of the four of you going “well you and jungkook better not break up lol”

he thought of it more and honestly?? he doesn’t see you and jungkook breaking up because there’s just sOMETHING alright??? something so unbreakable

jimin and taehyung and yoongi made a bet when you were getting your tat cleaned up that lmao what year would jungkook propose in

it’s your first tattoo and like you didn’t want to dive in head first and have a whole sLEEVE tattooed on the first occassion ya know

so why not the one you love?

and like it’s hidden by a shirt and obviously not a LOT of people would know about it and —

oh wow

uhhhh

jungkook’s.... crying?

he loves you sO much you have no idea

you’re tasting the salt from his tears when he kisses you so tenderly but it’s okay you don’t mind

he’s the one pinning you down this time and well he used to swear that he’s nEver the one for giggly sex

but oh god look at him now

mAYBE THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU’RE HAPPY AND ON CLOUD NINE!!!

he has your hands flat against the mattress before he holds them :D

this is jungkook’s best birthday eVER 

“wanna spend all my birthdays with you.”

you instantly giggle to his neck and that tickled him a little bit okay

“you wanna marry me??”

you’re feeling everything at once and you have never grinned sO hard and laughed

jungkook rolls his eyes but that’s only because he might burst if he keeps looking at you

“well i don’t have the ring yet dummy but yEs i do want to marry you!!”

mrs. jeon!!!

wow that sounds hEAVENLY

you raise your head to whisper to his ear, leaning down for you instead so you wouldn’t strain yourself, “say please.”

“i hATE you,” jungkook cackles and it should be illegal to how warm and content he feels!! 

“you love me!!” there’s a lil sing-song voice and of cOURSE he does!!

he’s so whipped for you and he might go to the ends of the earth just because you insist

“solid facts.”

“my god—“ jungkook stills, laughing at you who’s underneath him before he breaks out into a grin

a little tiny ᵏᶦˢˢ on your nose

“what was life before you?”

[relenafanel]

Dicks (in every definition): a fake-relationship AU

Geralt/Jaskier

Find it on Ao3:  Dicks (in every definition) by relenafanel

FOR THE MODERN AU CHALLENGE. WEEK 1: Fake-Relationships

Tag: witcherauseptember

________

“I can’t believe anyone could be such an unmitigated puss-filled dick,” Essi said, staring at her phone in disbelief. Jaskier groaned and let his head thunk on the bar.

“I can.” His sticky forehead was the least disgusting part of the evening.  He'd just come out to forget his ex, and maybe celebrate being free a little (as fucked up as that was) and quite frankly felt attacked by his social media.

“If I believed it from anyone it would be that narcissist,” she conceded, biting on her lip.

“I know,” Jaskier agreed. “That’s the worst part. I feel like it’s my fault being blindsided by this, as though I should have known something was going to happen today.”

Essi snorted. “It’s not your fault your ex is the worst.”

“No, but I was with him for almost 3 years. I don’t know. That’s my fault.”

“Don’t be stupid,” she said. “Look at this desperate fucker. Do you actually think he’s winning? He might be in a new relationship but the look of this guy makes my vagina want to shrivel up and die.”

Jaskier took her phone from her and looked again. Yeah. Yikes. Valdo was definitely scraping the bottom of the barrel with that one. Jaskier hadn’t even tried to join any dating sites post-breakup, but he was pretty sure there were better options. It wasn’t even the guy’s looks so much as he just screamed skeevy douchebag. It was making Jaskier’s metaphorical vagina also want to die.

“You need to get drunk. Maybe laid.”

“No,” Jaskier said, an idea starting to form as he looked at the relationship status change. “No. I need to match pettiness with pettiness. I need to find someone so hot that I’d have trouble getting him - let alone Valdo with his sad, small dick - and make sure to post a picture on Facebook.”

“Would that make you feel better?”

Jaskier smiled with teeth. “I think it would.”

***

It was their third bar of the evening and Essi was definitely sick of the manhunt. She probably hadn’t realized that when Jaskier was judging men fully objectively and not looking for matching personalities (relationship goals) or a willing body (one night stand goals) he had incredibly discerning tastes.

Probably too discerning.

“How about him?” Essi asked, barely looking up from her phone. She gestured to a guy sitting at the bar trying to make eye contact with a woman across the room.

“Ehh,” Jaskier said. “Sweater vest.”

Essi rolled her eyes. “But cute.”

“I’m not looking for cute. I’m looking for eye-searing hot.”

“I’m having trouble remembering how you’ve ever been in any relationships with these unrealistic expectations.”

“Valdo thought I was hot.” Jaskier thought about that for a moment. “Did I stay with someone for three years out of flattery?”

“Probably. Fuck. Get therapy.”

“I am.”

“You’re going to be working on tonight for a while.”

Fucking true. “Oh god, we just saw Valdo’s taste in men. Tell me true… am I ugly.”

“You’re spiraling.”

“That’s not an answer!”

“You’re spiraling!”

“Yes,” Jaskier agreed, pulling at his hair. “I’m so aware.”

“Based on the guy in his status update I’m going to guess you’re the hottest guy he could get.”

“You’re a good friend.” Jaskier pressed his head against her shoulder.

Then, a table opened up across the room, revealing the man sitting on the other side of it. “Holy shit.”

Essi looked up. Then she looked up. “Wow.”

“I hope he’s into men,” Jaskier said. “Or at least willing to play along with pretending to be for long enough for you to get a picture.”

“You’re going to walk up to that?” Essi asked. “You have more balls than brains.”

That was probably true.

***

“Hi, I’m Jaskier,” he opened with, dropping into the seat across from the gorgeous man. Up close he was even more startlingly pretty, with a chin dimple that highlighted his strong jaw and drew attention to his mouth. “And my boyfriend broke up with me two months ago, only to post his new relationship on Facebook today. Our three year anniversary. It’s the dickest of moves, right?”

The man hummed in agreement, but otherwise didn’t stop frowning in Jaskier’s general direction. Like someone waiting for him to get to the point. Jaskier saw that frown often.

“The reason for the oversharing is that I just forced my best friend to follow me to three different bars to find someone so phenomenally hot for me to spend time with and get picture proof, and here you are. I’d do jazz hands but you don’t seem like someone who responds well to jazz hands.”

“What are jazz hands?”

Whoa.

What a voice. What a sexy, sexy voice. Jaskier knew what he was talking about. He was a connoisseur of voices.

Jaskier wiggled his fingers at him. Tada! “Jazz hands.”

“Huh.” The man took a drink of his beer. “You want to use me as a revenge plot?”

“Exactly. Can I buy you a drink?”

The man gestured to his mostly full beer. “I’m not drinking to get drunk tonight.”

That was only a no to the beer. “Nachos or some other foodstuff?”

The guy seemed possibly interested in food.  

“Fine,” he agreed.  

****

Facebook: Julian Alfred Pankratz is in a relationship with Geralt of Rivia.

“Who’s Julian Pankratz?” Geralt muttered, staring at his phone.

“What?” Jaskier groaned, coming out a shitty sleep to a few realizations:

He’d gone home with the hottest guy on earth, which he should be pleased about, AND WAS PLEASED ABOUT

He might throw up

He’d done something last night. Something he’d said “that’s up for tomorrow Jaskier to sort out” because his drunk self was apparently a fucking masochist, and now Jaskier wasn’t really sure what that was.

Only Geralt was still scowling at his phone and seemed to know his real name.

So.

“Fuck,” Jaskier groaned. His mouth tasted like nachos and the regret of doing shots too late in life. He was 28 years old, not dead, but his hangover didn’t seem to know that.  “We didn’t get married , did we?”

“...”

Jaskier risked the light filtering in through the edges of the blinds to look at Geralt. His hair was beyond mussed - Jaskier didn’t know hair could get that tangled overnight. He was still frowning at his phone.

“I’ve been calling you Jaskier.”

“I go by Jaskier,” he promised. He was too busy having his own crises to deal with Geralt’s! For fucksakes. “Now, back to the marriage thing??”

“No.”

Phew. That was probably on him. He wasn’t sure people could actually get fake married overnight. Legally. He’d seen a lot of movies, though.

Ok. Next problem.  “I might throw up.”

Geralt turned his head slowly to look at him. Yikes. Too much beautiful-man-face in his face for this early in the morning.

“It’s eleven,” Geralt told him in the dry tone that told Jaskier he’d said that all outloud.

“Eleven after getting to bed at what? Five? Eugh, boo. Do you have any food?”

***

Geralt did have food.

Well, Geralt had protein bars and electrolytes, which was basically the same thing. Jaskier could always fall on top of a burger on his way home if he had to.  He’d finally looked at his phone by the time he was halfway through his breakfast.

107 new notifications.

What the fuck?

Julian Alfred Pankratz is in a relationship with Geralt of Rivia

Geralt and I were going to wait until announcing this wasn’t an asshole move, but now that it doesn’t really matter, I just wanted everyone to know that I’m doing GREAT.

Attached to it was the picture of the two of them together that Essi had taken with the caption of “I wouldn’t feel too sorry for Jaskier tonight”

His drunk self had a lot to answer for. No wonder Geralt had been scowling at his phone.

“I can’t believe I went Facebook Official with someone I haven’t even had sex with yet,” Jaskier mourned. “What is it, 2007?”

***

It took Jaskier almost the full day to recover enough to actually look through his comments on Facebook. By the time he had, they’d almost doubled and he’d made the mistake of clicking into Instagram to find one of those quintessential happy-relationship-our-feet-are-cute-together bullshit pictures. He had a different following on Instagram, mostly using it for pictures of himself singing.

Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. This wasn’t a contained problem, if you could call their mutual friends and families on Facebook that had been gathering in the wings for 15 years a contained problem . Fucking Facebook. Jaskier friended people he’d met once. He had a database of acquaintances. It was great for - you know - being a musician looking for gigs. He’d done 15 weddings in the last year.

It was pretty shitty when he’d faked having a boyfriend so people wouldn’t feel bad for him.

But, as he read through the comments and realized that some of them weren’t for him, he realized that maybe he wasn’t the one with the biggest problem.

Jaskier: Did you just come out?

Jaskier: Are you EVEN INTO MEN?

Jaskier: I REMEMBER YOU THINKING THIS WAS FUNNY AND AGREEING TO IT

Jaskier: BUT

Jaskier: I REGRET COMMITTING TO CAPS SO SOON BECAUSE I MEAN THIS IN CAPS AND BOLDED

Jaskier: WHOEVER LAMBERT IS JUST CONGRATULATED YOU ON FINALLY GETTING DICKED DOWN BECAUSE IT MIGHT MAKE YOU LESS GRUMPY

Geralt: I see you’ve read the comments

Geralt: my brother

Jaskier: YOUR BROTHER?!

Geralt: bold and caps?

Jaskier: and italics what the fuck. Why’d you let me do this?

Jaskier: wait.

Jaskier: WAIT

Geralt: there it is

Jaskier: this was your idea

Jaskier: did you use me to tell everyone you know that you’re gay or bi or whatever you identify as?

Jaskier: what a brilliant opportunity last night was for both of us

Geralt: you went back to sleep and didn’t process any of this yet, didn’t you?

Jaskier had been seen with that, fuck. He made a face at his phone even though Geralt couldn't see it.

A few moments later a response to Lambert popped up from Geralt himself.

@Lambert who says I haven’t been getting dicked down this entire time you heteronormative asshole

Followed by someone named Yennefer posting a picture of a strap on.

Who were these people? Could you love someone based on how their friends reacted to their ill-advised fake-relationship status change? Asking for a friend.

Geralt: for context, that’s my ex-wife

Geralt: we’re ok

Geralt: especially when she’s helping me fuck with my brother

***

Jaskier was debating the merits of asking Geralt if he wanted to come up with a break-up plan or just date when another comment showed up.

Vesemir left a comment:

You’ll bring him to brunch tomorrow?

Geralt left a comment:

We’ll be there

Vesemir left a comment:

Leave the frightening device at home

Geralt left a comment:

He doesn’t need it

This was followed by a string of variations of LOL and OH SHITs from about 7 different people. Jaskier watched it all unfold feeling like he’d stepped into the middle of something he didn’t understand - yet. He was definitely in trouble, if the way his heart rate increased at Geralt’s he doesn’t need it was any indication. It wasn’t even the dick reference, though that was amazing. It was the snappy, quick response. The underlying sarcasm.

Jaskier had a type. He could end a fake relationship that was based on seeing a searing hot guy across a room, but it was a bit harder when the guy had a personality he liked. If Geralt turned out to have a heart of gold, Jaskier was screwed and would probably be proposing marriage by year’s end.

Yeah, we’ll be there , he commented.

Geralt: my dad

Geralt: thanks

Jaskier: no problem

Jaskier : gonna call

“So I’m thinking,” Jaskier said the moment Geralt’s face showed up on the video call. He was squinting at his phone like no one had ever tried to video call him before.

“Hi,” Geralt replied, looking amused.

“I’ve been debating the merits of planning a breakup for our fake relationship or just… dating? I’m thinking maybe we should date? Do you have input?”

“Dating’s fine.”

“But do you… are you even attracted to me? Would you pick me?”

Oh fuck, what was that?! Something new to bring up in therapy.

Geralt tilted his head.  “You don’t know this about me yet, but I’m capable of saying no. Overly capable, some of my family might tell you.”

“So you’re not saying no?”

“I’m pretty confident I said yes instead.”

***

“As Jaskier’s best friend and the only witness,” Essi said into the microphone, holding up a glass of champagne to salute the two of them. “Our happy couple gave me full permission to tell the story of what happened the night Geralt and Jaskier met. Like Jaskier himself, the story is partially an embarrassing tale of bad decisions, half-cocked plans, and a lot of heart.”

Jaskier grinned, and nudged his shoulder into Geralt’s.

“And,” Essi continued with glee, “dicks in every definition.”