#like not to be shallow and worldly but I love that for her

[itspileofgoodthings]

my aunt is super rich in such a fun way.

[yellowpsyduck]

𝐌𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮

Thomas Shelby x Reader

Warning: Smut

Her dress was white like the Arctic Snow. 

Her cheeks were red like the Chrysler Imperial. 

A glance was all it took for one to deduce that Y/N Elliot stuck out like a sore thumb amidst the sea of greys in the grimy streets of Birmingham. 

With her short tight curls and her eyes that seemed untinged with the horrors that plagued the notorious English town, she was a sight to behold. 

Mr. Elliot was the preacher at the local Presbyterian Church, but his daughter evoked the urge to sin in the minds of the lads of the town.

 And again, a glance was all it took for one to fixate upon this seemingly other worldly apparition that roamed the streets of Birmingham with her teasing smile and her plump red lips. 

And Thomas Michael Shelby was no exception. 

Soon the occasional glances that he threw her way should they ever cross paths turned into waiting by the front of her house to escort her to finishing school, much to the dismay of the girl’s father. 

The young Elliot girl was infatuated with the older man. The boys that previously courted her couldn’t hold a candle to his suave. With his cigarettes and his well pressed suits, Tommy Shelby was simply a dream come true for the impressionable girl. 

She couldn’t care less about her parents’ disapproval of their relation, nor did she care about what the towns folk had to say. 

‘He loves me, and I love him and that’s all that matters’ she assured herself each night. 

The two soon became inseparable, the leader of the Peaky blinders even barged inside the school and pulled his darling out of the classroom simply because he ‘missed’ her. The teachers and staff knew better than to obstruct the infamous gangster. 

The two went to the fair that day. He bought her all the dainty little trinkets that her heart desired. She didn’t go easy on the spending too; she knew his pockets wouldn’t hurt from her silly purchases. 

And for his kind generosity, she rewarded him with her first kiss. 

A simple kiss on the lips; that’s how it started but it soon turned heated and passionate. 

It goes without saying that she lost her purity to him, right in the backseat of the black Ford. 

Still clad in her school attire, she sat on his lap with his hands encircling her lithe waist. 

He left a trail of kisses down her exposed collarbone, his hands working to unbutton her shirt which her mother had carefully pressed that morning. 

The chemise underneath soon found itself discarded on the floor of the vehicle. 

Her pink coloured bra was on full display for him. The more conservatively fashioned fabric did little to hide the fullness of the plump breasts underneath. 

Her breath was shallow as she looked at him with those beautiful doe eyes of hers. 

Her cheeks tinted with arousal and her eyes misty with desire. 

She was a sight to behold as she guided his hand to cup her left breast, telling him that she was ready. 

Tommy couldn’t contain himself any longer and his fingers found themselves unclasping the fabric that shielded her modesty. He sucked with urgency on her perky nipples while he kneaded the other, giving equal attention to both of those glorious mounds. 

Y/N was a squirming mess. She loved the feeling of his hot mouth as he showered her with his touch.  

She could feel her panties dampen with each passing second. No boy had ever made her this hot and bothered. 

She needed more of him. She needed his touch. 

Tommy could feel the wetness on his thighs as the girl began grinding herself on his thighs. 

“Eager, aren’t we?” he teased with a raspy drawl. 

God! This girl was driving him crazy. 

He continued trailing his kisses down her stomach and halted at the waistband of her skirt. 

He swiftly tossed the heavy garment aside along with her garter and knickers. 

She was on full display for him. For him and his eyes only. 

He couldn’t peel his eyes off her body. 

She had bewitched him.  

Sure, Thomas Shelby had been with his fair share of women before her, but he had never felt so strongly for any woman before, nor did he think he could ever. 

Not after this. 

Not after her. 

His thumb slid across her clit, eliciting a beautiful moan from her. 

Gently, he prodded her glistening hole with a finger. 

She was too tight. 

He thrusted his finger inside her as she coated him in her lewd liquid. 

Now two fingers. 

He was thrusting her insides with just two fingers, yet it completely filled her up. 

She was a panting mess. 

She could feel his now bulging erection poking against her bare butt. 

Just as she could find her release, he extracted his fingers from the throbbing pussy, making her cry in desperation. 

“Tommy please.” she purred as she met his pale blue irises. She was a whimpering, desperate mess. 

“Just a minute darling.” he assured her as he hurriedly unbuckled his belt and freed his pulsating swollen cock. 

Y/N wasn’t sure how he was going to fit his fat cock inside her tight pussy, but she didn’t care anymore. All she wanted was for him to fill her up and make love to her. 

He carefully lined his cock that was leaking with precum to her entrance and gently entered her hole.  

Just the tip was in and even then, Y/N was threatening to spill teardrops from her lustful eyes. 

“It’ll only hurt for a second, Darling.” he whispered in her ear as he forced himself inside of her virgin cunt. 

Y/N was seeing stars. 

Oh! The pain and the pleasure; both feelings intertwined as she felt him thrusting inside of her giving rise to this otherworldly feeling of ecstasy. 

Tommy couldn’t control himself inside of her as he pounded into her. 

Her tight pussy was driving him mad with pleasure. 

He could see the scarlet testament of her purity flowing down her thighs as he corrupted her innocence. 

She was his. 

No one else’s. 

The two continued their lovemaking, completely engulfed in the throngs of their union.  

That night, as they lay in the meadow on the English countryside, with his hands around her and her head on his chest, they looked up at the sky that bear witness to their passions.  

And that faithful day, Thomas Shelby made a woman out of Y/N Elliot. 

[artist-issues]

i don't know man. I was feeling a rare flare up of empathy for Jezebel I guess. Because she was human too. A sinner like both of us. A sinner in power, unlike both of us. Does any human deserve to be torn apart by dogs? Solomon and David did similar things, and sure they did repent so maybe you could say it doesn't count, but would they have deserved an equal punishment? Take a man's wife, take his life (probably premeditated) if David hadn't repented, doubled down, at the critical juncture, would he have deserved that type of justice? Solomon doubled down, on the worship of idols spreading through his kingdom, but he repented a bit too late. As far as we know Jezebel was not an old woman when she died, perhaps mid fifties at the latest. Solomon lived longer.

And there are too many kings that allowed the worship of idolatry, did they get punished in the same manner? I know Athaliah was removed from the temple to be executed, but the boy king was even weaker than her, once his mentor the priest passed on.

i know there's lots of kings who got their own... comeuppance, in literature terms, over the issue of false worship, and some just as horrible. Jezebel's ending is not as unique in the greatest of schemes.

Like I said, it was just a flare up of empathy. I understand why she deserved it. I also think it was a violent and undignified death. And I also know she did the same to others.

But monarchs changing the state religion also murdered the religious in the way of their goals, so shes not unique. And Ahab was okaying a lot of her decisions anyway.

but the idea of who am I to question God who gave the prophecy to Elijah? Who are you? I think it's important to question. Not like an idiot atheist who wants to play word games to show how worldly and arrogant they are. But asking questions takes me to interesting answers. Even if it's just a new angle to the situation. I don't ask questions for the ultimate why. Because we are on earth at the moment. And I don't think on heaven the answers get less complicated. Just to see a bit more of the Truth. Which is comprised of many things.

This stone walling, in your initial answer, fine go ahead. I'm grateful for the verse, I didn't have a chance today to hunt it down myself. But I find it tasteless, this stone walling, who am I to question. If you don't care to engage with certain things, go ahead. I should also do the same, but I'm not there yet.

I question because I want to and I can. I think that if I was Jezebel I would have been in a shit ton of pain unable to think anything but beg for it all to stop.

I think that if God said my brother was going to rot from the inside like Herod I would think, fine, he deserves it. My brother caused me pain, I wanted to kill him myself once, I think he should have suffered, fine it's fair. But at the same time if I had to watch, if I had to know that my brother who I hated was in agony, I would have wanted a dignified death, a painless one for him, out of my weak and shallow capacity of love for all living things.

I agree that Jezebel should have died. I even appreciate that all that was left was a skull and hands. The amount of people she had put to death, the lives she ruined, she deserved less than a funeral. The hunger and thirst for righteousness is satisfied, because evil has been cut down at last.

But I am supposed to love my neighbor. And I think all my neighbors, deserve a swift death and a proper 6x5 grave. Or a pile of ashes.

Not to say I will do these things. I too am overcome by rage and hatred and also very capable of justifying to myself why an evil person should be thrown to the pigs.

....this is why I don't engage in empathy that often.

Okay, you gotta be really careful here, man. God did not give her a 6 x 5 grave, and you're saying that's what "all your neighbors" deserve. So was God wrong, not to give her "what she deserved?"

I mean, I can see where you're coming from with the whole empathy thing. Of course it's hard to wrap our minds around, being human, and seeing what God did to a similar human. Of course there's room for understandable mental wrestling, when, like you said, He seems to kill some horrible rulers in shocking ways, but gives grace to others. Of course.

But you didn't ask me a nuanced question. You asked a question about "deserving." And the bottom line is, God alone gets to decide who deserves what.

There's a difference between asking questions to better understand Truth, because there's something you don't know yet— and asking questions despite the fact that the Truth is already plain. The truth with what Jezebel specifically "deserved" is already plain: God gets to decide what people deserve, and God decided very clearly what she deserved, so she deserved it.

There comes a point where questioning something obvious isn't intellectual or empathetic. Because you're having to bypass the simple truth to even ask it. You can't be analyzing-from-a-different-angle something you're bypassing. You have to bypass the Truth "God decides who deserves what" to ask the question "did Jezebel really deserve to die like that?"

It's just "vain reasoning." Romans 1:21. You know the answer, but you're not focusing on it, which is tiptoeing right up to the line of "knowing it but refusing to believe it." That is a dangerous place to be, and an arrogant place to be, and I can say that to you because it is a place I've been and still wander to, except for the grace of God.

I'm not saying that's where you're always at. I'm saying, that mindset is what your question sounded like. So while you call it "stonewalling," what I'm trying to do is simply answer with what's true. There really is nowhere else to go with your question, if truth is what you're after.

Please don't mistake my tone. I know it doesn't always come through online. I'm being firm, but I'm not being accusatory. You asked a question that indicates the above mindset. Maybe you didn't mean it like that, or I misunderstood. But I'm responding because I genuinely believe, and I think you genuinely believe, that what God says is all that matters at the end of the day, and we both need that reminder.

So when it comes to that, thank you for the question.

[legionaberrations]

Wdyt the legion kids zodiac signs are? (Idk if you're interested in this but I found out that using zodiac signs for characters is a great starter... Like for building their personality).

You can do the main three (ascendant; basically what others get from their first impression of you. Like the personality you use out in public. Sun; your actual personality, the one you'd use around family and close friends. And moon; your inner personality, your feelings and secret traits that you wouldn't express openly).

I hope I explained these well enough and that it makes you think! (New Anon btw. Hello, mun!)

(I hadn't really contemplated this much until you asked, but I love thinking zodiac so I do have some solid answers:

Julie - Gemini Sun, Scorpio Moon, Pisces Ascendant. Julie is both social butterfly and social chameleon. I think her place as the most social member of the group and how easily she lies and plays a different role in front of other people shoes her in for gemini easily, along with her curiosity and morbidity. While she seeks shallow pleasures for brief fun, what she really craves is emotional intensity, which I think plays with scorpio moon well. Pisces rising because of the strong association with art, social-chameleoning, and having a desire to see the world in and live in a dreamy and fantastical way.

Frank - Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Aquarius Ascendant. Frank hates routine and structure. He's friendly and outgoing, but in a way that still sets him apart from others. He's also very active and fond of sports, which is a stereotype associated with the sag lol. They're also associated with optimism, which I think plays interestingly with Frank's ideology that thinking about something is enough to manifest it. Leo moon is associated with controlling and organizing friend activities, which Frank definitely does - bossy guy, trying to push everyone to further extremes. He's a creative sort with a lot of magical thinking, and likes others to think he's really worldly and knowledgeable. He's paradoxically standoffish and social, but also very paradoxical and irreverent, which I feel fits the aquarius assignment well.

Joey - Virgo Sun, Taurus Moon, Sagittarius Ascendant. Joey is a hard-working individual, but also a very practical and quick-thinking one. He struggles with anxiety and being high-strung, pushing himself too far. He's Responsible. All very virgo of him. With his moon, I think the taurean moon descriptions of like being very persevering, trying to avoid messy or unpredictable situations, wanting to build a reliable situation, etc. is very relevant to him. Sagittarius rising is often associated with Seeking, wanting more out of life, but also being opinionated and competitive, which I think Joey has a little bit of going on. Even though unpredictable circumstances cause him anxiety, he wants to branch out and try these new, crazy things anyways, and wants to have a good time, and more than anything wants to believe everything can be better if he just tries hard enough. There's a reason he ends up buying into Frank's ideology despite initial hesitation!

Susie - Taurus Sun, Cancer Moon, Aries Ascendant. Susie is a very dependable person, but also someone I see as very stubborn and set in her beliefs. She's sensitive, but she's also very fixed - even upsetting her isn't going to move her, and may in fact fix her more firmly in place. For her moon, that sensitivity rings true. She doesn't like change and is defensive of her friends, wanting what's best for them, but is also indirect, not likely to confront issues head-on. I really like this screenshot of the natal chart website I'm looking at for her:

Speaking of family problems, aries ascendants are often described as having an upbringing that requires them to learn to take care of themself. Impatience and impulsiveness and a youthful charm are also part of this sign. I think Susie isn't necessarily competitive but definitely has a compulsion to "prove herself" and an amount of self-criticism that tracks well with this ascendant placement.

Sorry to anyone who doesn't care about zodiac who had to read all this LOL)

[nightguide]

15:82 وَكَانُوا۟ يَنْحِتُونَ مِنَ ٱلْجِبَالِ بُيُوتًا ءَامِنِينَ ٨٢

They carved their homes in the mountains, feeling secure. — Dr. Mustafa Khattab, The Clear Quran

okay, so this is not what i am reduced to, i talk about a lot of things i don't have so this is for the world i am after. i don't ever cater for the hearts and neither do i ever make my best to preach (which is why i don't taunt, i celebrate); on the contrary, i always take liberty on being which is how and why i don't approve of mothers on one thing.

to a daughter being used, i don't feel like i am so pray for me

to the daughters who have it too hard on their lives because of their mothers, let them.

those pigs don't even need us and left us to breed our lives in our imaginations and neither have they done anything to sustain our own lives for the accountancy of leaving it to the 'worldly son' magic

and let us be

i am an object

my guidance is your guillotine

no more BDSM magic in our hearts

i hate being cold on the outside when i am cute and bubbly on the inside, and she says 'im too much'

like i'm her fallen husband

who the fuck am i?

who am i not even when i'm reduced to a shallow broken woman with a world but she wants to adopt and annoy to the point where i am just but i don't feel anymore because i am not 'there' anymore because 'she' keeps me that way, it's all her fault and it shows and there is no sentiment when 'that cuteness is too much to show' but this ayah is here to show that it does not always see, so i'll free you with the thought

LINNA RIAZ: the world of (personal condition/personal contradiction) the world hears your soul

SMWC: my mother is not even sexually attracted to me but she knows there is something inside her soul that is eating her alive (me in turn) but i know there is pieces being scattered over the thought of an imaginative journey that is eating me alive to be (she's on my side but she doesn't care about my life after (sexual beginning) so she knows the world from the sights of nazar that there is a man in the family (highly forbidden to) making sights on me to marry (a male heartbreaker who knew how to make a heart break even faster by thought (no way in and no way out scenario made up to 'kill the disabled heart if not marriage by sole reason to 'keep the drama going' to suppress his life than my mom being that 'thing' on a TV show now personally made in real life that he does not believe in until the disabled is 'physically dead' to release himself on TV (personal dream is to sacrifice somebody for fame)

SH: it's not me anymore, i knew i won big time (big time fame out of humility in patience: sadaqah al jariyah (long-term possession of the universe become of slave-like patience to the world now (heartbreak immortal), there is nothing i can say or do to make a difference is seeing a bitch in the dilemma of the muslim paradox of the world ending is that like someone actually marrying me for love and not for (wonder bread ideology to see the 'lesser' as more when expectations and jealousy don't go together if it meant a grudge-like battle was felt for years instead of feeling it like the world in that you'd find someone like it (but you'll never can because the father does not sexually invite her in like of th- and that's what he thought all time because he in turn, shares a deep romantic love for his mother that he thinks of the world of the disabled like that he is not even remotely for her but for himself (he would rather curse your life like a woman in the years in between than saying 'goodbye' to in person than letting the later latter of that he is not even there in person to serve the father lived than death itself to grab what he truly wanted: money)

SH8: knowing the price of the emotional weight is instant death of the world of luxury to him and his current wife will leave for 'her' by life-like companionship that she seeks with the disabled to be alive elsewhere (he did not treat her like royalty but used goods that she felt the same way to the world within)

PERSONALLY

WORLDLY GRUDGE:

actors hell: men are akin to that response

harbingers: there is nothing you can do about the consequence that he asked for, like if he gets brutalised to be taught then so be it, the lesser weight of all known deaths is just food, he sold his soul for that (somebody wants him dead for that, then just leave it. he just wants to be free from worldly life like he begged for a reason to fuck his mother: he is Jehovah's Witness)

maestro become: you knew you gonna get it, well your partner is now on TV (surprise surprise, now you know why you had the pedo nazar glance with the same yt guys on TV you relate to too much that you hate your own world right back (you're famous)

dante's paradox: someone out in this universally had a grudge against time and space to kill him (finalised version of him but it's like killing a man who made famous for raping a baby normalised (they have no future)

judgement day: everything you say, they cannot take (that's what JW want)

gaiman's hell: you have it too bad (intuitive imagination is real)

babylon unbroken: you're in TV fact. that's just that

kingdom come: Allah guided you rightly, your dreams are known to you as your reality, they are lived in your imagination that they are to you in reality (you made it there and it is perfectly halal in every single way)

pythagorean theorem: your partner is intuitively on your side (what Allah calls smoke is your own heart knowing you right now by laws of heart that seeking forgiveness is found by love in truth, so you're not lying and your partner is not even hiding (all proofs are all over in touch, your mother will suffer greatly by losing you after you get married which is why you're pissed off at her 'helping you' by using you as a punching bag to know you more cuz she is so heartbroken seeing you sad that your autism is not even on display by whatever you do that makes a strong worldly difference (she hates you being in the home like you think whatever Madonna is up to, she is you)

so i know now in Islam

Hinduism is on TV

Jehovah's Witness is 'the cousining' but you knew who is who (the fckin reason why you can't get married)

Mormonism is just someone talking to you inside your head as 'you' but it's not (for the ND's, it's just the path to wonder that never stops but they don't have a place to stay)

Sikhism is not even there anymore (extinct when the world ends)

Islam is the only religion in the world that Hollywood gives a shit about (for all damn time they actually never said a word in the masjid but you liked them str8 away is how you know they are hot shit to be around ur home is how you knew they reverted to Islam)

Judaism is not even legal anymore (they're babies)

Buddhism is Keanu Reeves settling a score with how much he did not win in comparison to how much you won in terms of how much wealth you got in terms of your own heart (home wealth)

politics are on your side (nobody wins but you get to chat shit about anybody and they have to give a shit on your own terms now ('the kid with the disability pass gets it' idea) and wonder why people are giving nazar to families who are receiving benefits

the royal family does not exist anymore

singer/songwriters have a point (shaitaan won)

sheikhs are actually evil

top gear is your imam now

the most controversial celebrities are right

'dead celebrities' don't exist (but they fckin act like they don't want to live either)

you realise signs sooner on TV but you're chill with it but you knew the rat from a shirk phone call (she was scared of that in the first place)

witches are muslim now

astrologers don't give a shit (cuz someone made it their legacy to be themselves cuz of that one shitty phonecall back to mars (whatever that is)

Eminem is your best friend as easily as Notorious B.I.G is to you than calling Will Smith over (but yk ur not crazy in making that thought a reality to clear a rat in the household that had been making your back crack believing in it)

those who shit talk Allah are your best friends

[shirpowbra]

Updateee :> (prepare, it's gonna be a long one)

heyoo, I know I said before I'll give you all an update but things have been escalating downhill rather fast on my end and I'm quite, well, overwhelmed how to put it into words

well first things first, the maid we hired for my grandma ran away and took some cash from her, didn't even have the audacity to close the gates of our house when she did. I got too busy in helping with the chores around the house which are many. Luckily tho, we have cameras installed and she left most of her important documents to us so we could make a pretty solid case against her.

And the second one, whoo boi.

My...mom is in the hospital. There were lumps found in her uterus in the past and all of a sudden they all just came out one day. She was incredible pain so we had to rush her to the ER right away. I have to be left behind to the house in taking care of everything in the house. That's why I haven't been able to draw these days, even though I miss it a lot haha.

A lot of people have been visiting the house out of concern, though they're mostly there for my mom and grandma. Sure, they'd leave food for us but it mostly felt like just a way to stroke their egos and stuff, I dunno. They didn't even try to ask how I felt about everything if I'm being honest, but maybe it's just that I didn't really open up to all of them...they all come from church and if I show them a slight hint of "worldliness" I'd be lectured, and boy I don't want any of that. Guess you can call me shallow for thinking like this.

In all honesty...I really don't know how to feel right now. My mom, well my whole family, aren't the best people to be around with. Whenever I'd call them out on their BS, I'd be gaslighted and I'm left questioning if everything I'm feeling right now is valid. An individual is valid to not forgive someone who wronged them, but if you say that to my family, they'll see you as someone who's selfish.

I kinda wanna be happy that this happened to her, yet there's this nagging thought behind my head telling me that I shouldn't... I know I'd be a bad person for thinking that, my sister's already does that's for sure. I guess (emphasis on "guess") I could try and forgive but I don't know if I could still love them just as before.

My mother's still alive...just, barely. The doctors couldn't operate to remove the lumps off her because her hemoglobin levels are pretty low so we'd prolly have to wait till June or July for it to rise. They'll maybe come back home soon next week since staying over in the hospital for weeks now cost a lot.

I'm gonna be honest...I'm scared of the inevitable. Scared that there's not gonna be much hope of me and my mom reaching to an understanding and scared that none of my relatives would take me in when it happens because they'd rather tend to their own business and all. They never bothered to help us with grandma's needs...why would they help me now?

I'll still be posting stuff, though I think they're mostly drawn from months before and I wish y'all would like 'em. I think I'll also make a few announcements here and there and hopefully I'd be able to draw or make some art again. I do miss it and it helps me get my mind off things.

I've finally let out all of my thoughts, and I know it seems uncharacteristic of me, but...please pray for me. Whatever happens, I just wish that everything would turn out okay in the end.

[ofsupernovcs]

✧.* { ALISSA YAGI  & SHE/HER  & FEMALE & 27  } is that JINORA DE MARTEL from the future ? woah, they’re VALERIE TULLE & AURORA DE MARTEL’S ( BIO VALERIE & IVF DONOR’S ) kid, right ? maybe that’s why they are a COLLEGE STUDENT AT WHITMORE i’ve heard they can be pretty DETACHED  how typical for a SIPHONER. i guess they must rely on their PROTECTIVE  side shining through. rumor has it they’re trying to hide SHE ACCIDENTALLY SIPHONED ALL THE MAGIC OUT OF HER SIGNIFICANT OTHER AND KILLED THEM, but that’s probably just noise…

Jinora is the middle child, the elusive middle child. 

But she wasn’t always like that

Jinora loved her family and two mothers had lots of love and even bigger ideas. She thought she did anyway

First time her parents fell asleep she tried to stay positive, but a wall of worry pushed up in her heart. But you can tell she was still Jinora

In the bubble, Jinora met another guy. One who was mysterious and worldly. She thought he could see into her soul. 

But a magical accident, in an attempt to bring their parents back resulted in his death

She found herself horrified, storing him in a shallow grave with a promise come back for him. But her efforts were fruitless. 

After that Jinora became closed off. Trying not to think about what happened. Not wanting to tell anyone she murdered.

She started making excuses and sit alone by a bridge. Drawing her lover before throwing it into the river. 

Coming to the past, she took a dome fake girlfriend jobs, thinking maybe she’ll feel something. 

But all Jinora did was just compare them.

At least she had Nix and Fallon to keep her occupied.

[raidenshogunmommy]

Museum Date with them

Finally another fanfic for this blog yay!!! This is something I've always wanted to write tbh.

Tags: hcs, genshin impact, gn!Reader

Warnings: mention making out in Kazuha's part, NOT PROOF READ!

Genre: fluff?

Characters: Kazuha, Ei, Shenhe

Kazuha

He proposed the idea.

Been waiting for this his entire life.

I KNOW FOR A FACT THIS MAN LOVES MUSEUMS. NO I DON'T TAKE CRITICISM

Has a very wide area of interest and knowledge, so he will kinda act like your personal guide.

His eyes are sparkling throughout the date. He's just so excited, he's always wanted to take a loved one to visit a museum, and since it's with you he couldn't be happier.

Ok. But. Imagine. It. Being. An. Art. Museum.

He may not be a painter or sculptor but has a very fine artistic knowledge and a keen eye for artistic value as well.

He will definitely be appreciating each and every piece.

Even still knowing him–

HE CAN'T RESIST BEING CHEESY.

"We may be surrounded by the most impressive artwork but you still are the true masterpiece amongst it all. I wouldn't be surprised if they ask to display you up there as well, because I can't imagine a single soul not being in awe of your mere presence."

Mans a hopeless romantic.

Prepared to be flustered as soon as you agree to his date idea.

Might even make out with you in the centre of the display.

The embarrassment would be real but who could resist him honestly?

He will even take you out to a fancy a dinner after spending the whole day walking around through the museum.

Let's just say y'all frequent museums a lot now.

Ei

You probably had to convince her little hehe.

Obviously being obsessed with eternity for so long she hasn't given herself the chance to appreciate all that exists and all that used to exist.

But now that she has you and now that she has finally begun noticing the present she will try to go along with your idea.

She probably hesitated at first since she thinks she's not ready face her people in the public just yet cause she's still mentally recovering. But also because she thinks she may not be up to your expectations in a place such as a museum. Though that doesn't mean she does not possess her fair share of worldly knowledge as a goddess, she's just afraid that you'll view her emotion for it as shallow, because she just knows it, she hasn't held it in any particular regard. All she has is empty knowledge.

But she still knows that she's safe with you so after a while of overthinking and careful consideration she'll agree.

"Fine. I accept your proposition. You really won't give up huh. "

Quite stoic though her expression gives her away.

*whisper* " If you weren't so cute I'd be able to put up more of a fight."

"Hm? What was that?"

"NOTHING."

Expect her to be very shy.

She isn't used to this atmosphere.

PLEASE REASSURE HER.

Unknowingly she really impressed you with her understanding of so many things even if it lacks emotional value, it just made you fall deeper in love with her.

You compliment her throughout the day.

Hearing it just makes her melt, and she has a smile on her face for the rest of the day.

She really didn't expect to enjoy this date so much.

On the way home she gives you a piggy back ride because you complained about your feet being dead. (She blushed the whole time)

Overall, she really treasures this experience with you.

Shenhe

Was honestly a little curious when you suggested the idea.

Not particularly used to such confined areas.

She is like Ei but alot more stoic and expressionless.

Though she doesn't hesitate to accept. She may not be able show it but she's actually excited.

"Sounds intriguing. I'm in."

You were quite surprised at her readiness, and it kinda made your heart beat faster.

Because c'mon that's adorable.

She hasn't had a very active relationship with the human world so she's kinda clueless about everything she sees.

You have to do explain everything to her. But you actually enjoy doing it because witnessing her experiencing a museum for the first is really wholesome.

She's like a little kid.

Questioning everything she sees.

May have gotten scolded more than once for touching the displays.

There is the tiniest hint of a pout when the security guard gives her a warning.

AAAAAA PLS SHE'S SO PRECIOUS

May still be a little stiff because people will definitely tend to stare at her but, quickly gets distracted by you pulling her towards the next display and explaining to her.

Will randomly kiss your cheek here and there, a little out of character for her but she just really appreciates your effort.

Afterwards she decided that she really likes museums.

Next time it's her asking you out for a date at the museum.

Ok. So ik alot of you wanted a part 2 to my previous post,( I even got asks for it omg) but I really wanted to write this first. Also, did you want a second part with more characters or a continuation of the ones already there I'm very confused pls-

[marigoldbaker]

no see now i’m thinking about that AGAIN because that scene in gingerbread felt SO bizarre. like, jenny’s horrific and traumatizing death took up half a season, and we get another “haha giles doesn’t like computers” moment as though she never even existed? i think it’s particularly significant that he calls them a “fad” and it’s supposed to be a little comedy beat when by calling them a fad he’s underwriting the life’s work of someone he loved. it’s one of many moments that obviously feeds into jenny being neatly erased by the narrative after a certain point -- seen most glaringly in this scene, where we’re reintroduced to Giles Hates Computers and expected to believe that his feelings towards computers have never wavered when they were so transparently linked to his feelings towards jenny (the fact that he hates computers, and that all of his conflict towards jenny is OVER computers, and that then he subsequently falls in love with jenny after learning that she’s actually just as dedicated to information, knowledge, and the supernatural as he is....it’s legitimately right there).

but the fact that there’s this retroactive attempt to pretend that she was never there is particularly baffling when looking at the fact that they never seem to actually replace her with anything. we are supposed to just genuinely not care enough about her to remember her in moments where giles is squaring up with a computer. and i really don’t think that it’s in character for giles TO still harbor this antipathy for computers after jenny’s death, particularly when considering the fact that it would be just this supremely awful metaphorical statement given the information that we have.

giles and jenny’s relationship starts with them beefing over computers, but if examined more closely, it could be argued that their fight is really about giles saying that he thinks jenny is shallow and not actually as important or worldly as he is. his realization that jenny is actually a woman of substance comes when she presents a facet of herself that reveals she uses computers in a way that is not something he would ever have thought of, and that actually incorporates a part of his life that is really important to him. so to then have a scene in season three where giles is saying “computers are stupid and worthless” when the entirety of his connection with jenny was about him questioning these beliefs and learning to love things outside of his comfort zone -- obviously it could be argued that this is a larger metaphor for jenny being unimportant, but the time the show spent on depicting giles’s grief & how fundamentally broken he was by jenny’s death makes this just nonsensical and totally out of character.

i can definitely see a situation where giles avoids computers, but never a situation where he actually shit-talks them, and i think that this is the only place where i’m not willing to allow the show its “jenny isn’t important but she is but she isn’t” paradox. this is fundamentally incompatible with everything that the story has told us about giles and jenny’s relationship, even if we’re going with the We Don’t Talk About Jenny principle. and even IF i am reading way too deep into the i robot argument, i cannot imagine a situation where giles himself would be comfortable with labeling computers as a unilaterally useless fad when jenny’s death came about because she was using one to translate the ritual to resoul angel. he would essentially be shit-talking jenny at that point, and obviously that’s just not something he would ever do. it doesn’t mesh.

[transmalewife]

You mentioned disliking the Clovis arc before. I agree completely, but can I ask why you had an issue with it?

well I haven't seen it in a while but mostly because it's. bad? like most of tcw is a bit all over the place and pointless, but some arcs stand out for not only being pointless but actually detrimental to canon. like i love ahsoka but tcw is a fucking terrible show, with brief moments of genius burried under an entire swamp of filler. and i can excuse that, the hideous style, the horrible unimaginative costumes, the shallow overarching plot and happily watch it as a mediocre kids show to get more ahsoka, ugly padme and ooc anakin, but even i have my limits.

So like i've talked before about how i hate tcw changing anakin's characterization to be more of a typical macho action sci-fi/fantasy rugged hero, most likely as a direct cowardly fan service response to the reaction to anakin in the prequels. (I have to add that part of that is again, kids show, everyone is speaking in cool one liners, overpowered, and doing stuff meant to make every 8 year old boy watching piss himself in glee and demand a toy lightsaber. But there are kids shows with fucking amazing stories. atla is imo one of the best written stories on tv period, not just in terms of cartoons. tcw is.... not that). and the clovis arc is basically the nail of the cofin of both anakin's and padme's characters.

with my friends we used to say the tcw made padme into The Woman and she really is nothing else here. In tpm and aotc padme is rushing into danger with a blaster. she's shown to be more competent than the jedi at times, including when it comes to combat, and even though it's usually played for a joke, its still an integral part of who she is. she will get out of a situation if she needs to. she's 3 steps ahead politically and physically. She will solve a problem if needs be. in fact, as terrible as the clone wars movie was, one thing it got right, is padme going after a hutt with nothing but a blaster to save anakin. in the show, padme is a damsel in distress, and rarely anything more. even though she sometimes tries to deal with it herself, the narrative keeps putting her into that role, and having anakin (or Ahsoka) rescue her. padme planned and won a battle at 14. she took the lead when they were infiltrating geonosis, and it was her idea in the first place. later she fell out of that ship and immediately took command of the first soldier she could find. she tried to shoot dooku's ship down with a blaster for fucks sake. she's reckless, she's violent, she's smart and strategic, she's in charge.

Anakin knows that, and that's why he loves her. their relationship is actually a really interesting reversal of many typical heterosexual ideas of romance. He's younger, less worldly, more emotional. an awkward teen crushing on someone far out of his league. it's basically self insert one direction fanfic come true for him. Padme's rich and powerful. his love for her is his main drive. and that love always presents in following her lead. fucks sake he flirts with her by saying hey wouldn't it be cool if you were a dictator? you're so smart i think you should rule the galaxy. because i could make that happen if you want.

she tells him no when he kisses her, and he accepts it. he asks again, literally crying, in the fireplace scene, and then accepts her final answer as no and drops it. he's surprised and confused when she kisses him on geonosis. He's not possesive. remember, the possesive love is bad vs compassion unconditional love is good is not jedi dogma, its a pickup line from anakin. but even then, his love for padme is unconditional. he loves her even when she doesnt want him. he loves her even when he doesnt see her for a decade. is it childish, unrealistic, and fucked up in its own way? yes. but its not possesive in the "If i can't have you, no one can" way. its not jealous. in fact, anakin isn't really a jealous person in the prequels. he doesn't have any problems with owen being Shmi's stepson

now, the problem is, none of that is half as clear in the actual source material. star wars is a mess, with massive tone problems. like to get any of these you have to fight the irresistible cringe and power through i like sand, through jar jar, through so much bullshit, but it is there. and boy are those tone problems glaring in tcw. star wars deals with some incredibly dark shit. slavery, death, war, grief. and by deals with, i mean doesn't deal with them at all, just brings them up and never really explores them. and tcw could have been the perfect solution to that. they finally had the time to actually explore it. and instead they gave us a 4 fucking episode arc of droids dicking about on a planet with a tiny alien general. 4 fucking episodes. i will never get over that. half a million dollars per episode and they did that with it.

you can make a good kids show that deals with war and death, still has comedic moments for the babies watching, and actually introduces them gently to the topics at hand. again, atla. you have to show the characters being hurt and affected by the tragedy. you have to take a break once in a while and use the filler episodes to let the charaters breathe and process. you can't be so scared of the trauma you've written that your filler just doesn't have the main characters in it at all. what tcw seemingly did is went ok what are the prequels about. war, death, slavery, anakin going bad. ok. now, what do kids like? cool weapons, quips and silly bullshit. tcw actually betrays a really mean approach to it's audience in how bad it is at times. it tries to mascarade its incompetent writing under "its for kids anyway, it doesnt need to be smart".

aaanyway, circling back finally. one thing the prequels did not have, one complicated topic they did not have to introduce if they knew they couldn't write it gracefully, is sexual harrassment. they didn't have to. they chose to include it. it was unnecessary and in poor taste.

in an ideal world, where tcw is good, consistent with padme's and anakin's characterization, and actually deals with the shit it brings up, i can see the basic premise working. a show in which padme doesn't need rescuing in every other episode she's in could have made a point about how uniquely violating sexual harrasment is by making padme freeze up and need help. it could have made anakin give into his darker instincts and beat a sleazebag half to death. but then it made him actually evil and working with dooku, so he deserved it anyway its fine. and then at the end he dies so padme and anakin can be happy together and its never fucking adressed again that she broke up with anakin. because surely once the other man is dead The Woman must want to fuck the only other alternative again. its fine.

anakin has loved padme since he was 9. he risked his entire life's work, his dream of being a jedi to marry her. then she breaks up with him. devastating, right? worth exploring, right? ooooh noooo we wrote an emotion, men don't have those except anger, quick, quick, let's cut to 2 episodes of jar jar dicking about in a cult.

it also cheapens a lot of rots imo. It takes away from the confrontation on mustafar if Padme's been afraid of anakin before. it takes away from the earth shattering impact of her finally having to face the consequences of marrying a mass murderer. it also takes away from the absurdity of anakin in the throes of madness and palpatine-induced delusion accusing her of choosing obi wan over him. it takes away from the denial both padme and obi wan were living in to ignore the signs of anakin getting worse as the war goes on, if the signs were that obvious. season 6 does that a lot, by reavealing pretty much every part of the conspiracy and just having them not fucking deal with it, because there's no ahsoka and they ran out of ideas so let's just remind people the plot of rots. it also takes away from itself, if the point its trying to make is anakin is excessively jealous, its a bit fucking stupid to do it with a character who's already put padme's life at risk.

i would have been a lot harsher if you'd asked me a year ago, probably bc i haven't seen it in a while and dont remember how shit it is, but there are things i like about it. anakin's slow descent into darkness, that was done much better with subtle character beats in season 7. padme drinking wine and going to shows (opera? I think) like the clueless aristocrat she is, while people die, that i really wish had been explored more than that hideous scene when she finally remembers her servant is a person with a family. and thats already me being generous because i dont think that was ever intentional.

anyway, tldr. it gratuitously uses sexual harrasment as a plot device without actually exploring it, it shits on padme and anakin's characters and the plot of rots, and it perfectly encapsulates everything bad about tcw.

thankfully tcw has enough blatant inconsistencies with the pt that i can just pick and choose what is canon and what isnt so. clovis arc is but a bad dream jar jar had in that cave next episode.

[impalementation]

spike, angel, buffy & romanticism: part 3

part 1: “When you kiss me I want to die”: Angel and the high school seasons

part 2: “Love isn’t brains, children”: Enter Spike as the id

* 

“Something effulgent”: Season five and the construction of Spike the romantic

Prior to becoming a romantic interest, Spike is everything I discussed in the last section. He is an id and a mirror for Buffy, he’s prone to both romantic exaggeration and cutting realism, and his liminality suggests ambiguity. But outside of “Lovers Walk”, the writing doesn’t actually delve too deeply into Spike’s nature as a romantic. If you stopped the canon at “Restless”, you’d probably think that Spike’s love for Drusilla was intriguing, but that the show hadn’t really gone anywhere with the implications of it, and for all you knew, that might not be an important part of his character anymore. So one of the most interesting things about season five to me, is that in this season in which the writers first consciously, deliberately decide to explore the sexual and romantic tension between Spike and Buffy, they also emphasize Spike’s romanticism more than ever. The choice to define Spike by his romanticism is a choice that follows naturally from everything established about his character, but it was also not an inevitable choice. Therefore, it’s a choice worth looking at in some detail.

Consider everything that “Fool For Love” establishes about Spike, especially the things that contradict what was supposedly canon at the time. It makes Drusilla his sire instead of Angel, meaning that he is sired by a romantic connection, and as a direct result of heartbreak. It makes him a poet living in the middle of the Victorian era, an age at odds with his previous ages of “barely 200” and “126”. Meaning that the writing specifically decides to ignore its canon in order to associate him with an era in which passions would have been repressed (rather than the Romantic era of the early 1800’s or the modern energy of the early 1900’s). Moreover, the episode reveals his entire aesthetic and personality to essentially be a construct. But most tellingly of all, it reveals him to be an idealist. Spike is not just a performance artist; he yearns for the “effulgent”, for something “glowing and glistening” that the “vulgarians” of the world don’t understand. In other words, he yearns for something bigger and more beautiful than life: something romantic. Later, he chases after “death, glory, and sod all else.” Spike may be a “fool for love”, who has a romantic view of romantic love specifically, but the episode is very clear about the fact that he is also a romantic more generally. When Drusilla turns him, she doesn’t tempt him by telling him she’ll love him forever. She tempts him by offering him “something…effulgent”. (Which, in typical Spike form, the episode immediately undercuts by having him say “ow” instead of swooning romantically). The fact that “Fool For Love”, Spike’s major backstory episode, is so determined to paint him as a romantic--and in particular, a disappointed, frustrated romantic--that it is willing to contradict canon to do so, tells you that this choice was important for framing Spike and his new, ongoing thematic role.

I’ve talked in the past about how season five is all about the tension between the mythical and the mortal--between big, grand, sweeping narratives, and the reality of being human. Buffy is the Slayer, but she’s also just a girl who loses her mother. Dawn is the key, but she’s also just a confused and hormonal fourteen-year-old. Willow is a powerful witch, but she also just wants her girlfriend to be okay. Glory is a god, but she’s also a human man named Ben, and finds herself increasingly weakened by his emotions. And Spike embodies this tension perfectly. He’s a soulless vampire with a lifetime of bloodshed behind him, but he’s also this silly, human man who wants to love and be loved. He wants big, grand things, but every time they are frustrated by a Victorian society, a rejection, a chip, a pratfall, or dying with an “ow”. Furthermore, his season five storyline is all about the tension between loving in an exalted, yet often selfish way, versus loving in a “real” or selfless way. 

There was a fascinating piece a ways back that discussed how Spike’s attempts to woo Buffy in season five almost perfectly match the romantic narratives of Courtly Love. In the words of the author:

The term "Courtly Love" is used to describe a certain kind of relationship common in romantic medieval literature. The Knight/Lover finds himself desperately and piteously enamored of a divinely beautiful but unobtainable woman. After a period of distressed introspection, he offers himself as her faithful servant and goes forth to perform brave deeds in her honor. His desire to impress her and to be found worthy of her gradually transforms and ennobles him; his sufferings -- inner turmoil, doubts as to the lady's care of him, as well as physical travails -- ultimately lends him wisdom, patience, and virtue and his acts themselves worldly renown.

You can see for yourself how well that description fits Spike’s arc. He fixates on the torturous, abject nature of his love, and has it in his head that he can perform deeds and demonstrate virtue, and this will prove to Buffy that he is worthy of her. But despite Spike’s gradual ennobling over the course of the season, I think it would be a mistake to see the season as using the Courtly Love narrative uncritically, or even just ironically. The same way it would be a mistake to see season two as using the Gothic uncritically. Spike is as much Don Quixote as he is Lancelot. He is a character that deliberately tries to act out romantic tropes, giving the writing an opportunity to satirize those tropes, including the tropes of chivalric romance. In particular, the writing criticizes Spike’s (very chivalric) fixation on love as a personal agony, something that is more about pain--and specifically, his pain--than building a real relationship. Over and over in season five, he is forced to abandon these sorts of flattering romantic mindsets in favor of a more complicated reality. 

So at first, Spike’s “deeds” tend to be shallow and vaguely transactional. He tries to help Buffy in “Checkpoint” even though she doesn’t want it (and insults her when she doesn’t appreciate it), he asks “what the hell does it take?” when Buffy is unimpressed by him not feeding on “bleeding disaster victims” in “Triangle”, he rants bitterly at a mannequin when Buffy fails to be grateful to him for taking her to Riley in “Into the Woods”, and he is angry and confused when Buffy is unmoved by his offer to stake Drusilla in “Crush”. While these attempts to symbolically reject his evilness are startling for a soulless vampire, and although Spike certainly feels like he is fundamentally altering himself for Buffy’s sake, none of it is based on understanding or supporting Buffy in a way that she would actually find substantial. Moreover, he lashes out when his gestures fail to win her attention or affection. He has an idea in his head of how their romantic scenes should play out, and reacts petulantly when reality fails to live up to it. 

But these incidents of self-interested narrativizing are also continuously contrasted with scenes in which Spike reacts with real generosity, or is surprised when he realizes he’s touched something emotionally genuine. When Buffy seeks him out in “Checkpoint”, his mannerisms instantly change when he realizes she actually needs real help (“You’re the only one strong enough to protect them”), rather than the performed help he offered at the beginning of the episode. At the end of “Fool For Love” he’s struck dumb by Buffy’s grief, and his antagonistic posturing all evening melts away. He abandons his romantic vision of their erotic, life-and-death rivalry in favor of real, awkward emotional intimacy. In “Forever” he tries to anonymously leave flowers for Joyce, and reacts angrily when he’s denied—but this time not because he wanted something from Buffy. Simply because he wanted to do something meaningful. 

This contradictory behavior comes to a head in “Intervention”, the episode in which Spike finally begins to understand the difference between real and transactional generosity. Up until that point, Spike has been reacting both selfishly and unselfishly, but he hasn’t been able to truly distinguish between them, which is why he keeps repeating the same mistakes. Although he touches something real at the end of “Fool For Love”, for instance, he goes on to rifle through Buffy’s intimates in the very next episode. And so “Intervention” has Spike go to extremes of fakeness and reality. He gives up on having the real Buffy, and seeks out an artificial substitute that lets him live out his cheesiest romance novel scripts. It’s important that the Buffybot isn’t just a sexbot, even if he does have sex with her. She’s a bot he plays out romantic scenarios with the way he played them with Harmony in “Crush”, allowing him to almost literally live within a fiction. But then he “gives up” on having Buffy in a way that’s actually real, by offering up his life. He lets himself be tortured, and potentially killed, for no other reason than that to do otherwise would cause Buffy pain. The focus is on her pain, not his. For the first time, he acts like the Knight he’s been trying to be all along. He performs a grand, heroic deed that causes the object of his affection to see him in a different light, and even grant him a kiss. Yet ironically, as part of learning the difference between real and fake, he ceases to press for Buffy’s reciprocation. Through the end of season five, Spike continues to act the selfless Knight, assisting Buffy in her heroism without asking for anything in return. Which culminates in his declaration that he knows Buffy “will never love him”, even after he’s promised her the deed of protecting Dawn, and even though she allows a kind of intimacy by letting him back in her house. He proves that he sees those gestures for what they are, rather than in a transactional light. The irony of the way Spike fulfills the narrative of chivalric romance, is that his ennobling involves letting aspects of that narrative go. 

In a Courtly Love narrative, the object of the Knight’s affection is fundamentally pedestalized. The Knight himself might be flawed, but the woman he pines after is not. She is “divinely beautiful” and “unobtainable”, something above him and almost more than human. This is why it’s so comic that in Don Quixote, which was a direct satire of chivalric romance, Alonso Quixano’s “lady love” is a vulgar peasant farmgirl who has no idea who he is. (Think of the way Spike asks if Buffy is tough in “School Hard” or threatens to “take her apart” despite “how brilliant she is” in “The Initiative”, followed by scenes where Buffy is acting like the teenage girl she is. Or how Giles in “Checkpoint” says that Buffy has “acquired a remarkable focus” before cutting to Buffy yawning.). Although it’s true that Buffy is beautiful, and supernatural, and profoundly moral, she is also very human, and the writing is very concerned with that humanity. Season five in particular, as I’ve mentioned, is preoccupied with the duality of Buffy’s mythic and mortal nature. Thus it becomes significant that Buffy is assigned such a heightened role in Spike’s chivalric narrative. Just Spike is at once Lancelot and Don Quixote, Buffy is at once Achilles, Dulcinea, and a coming-of-age protagonist. 

And part of the “lesson” of Spike’s arc is for him to see both sides of the roles they embody. One of my favorite things about the scene in Buffy’s house in “The Gift” is how adroitly it conveys the dualities of both Buffy and Spike with simple, but poetic imagery and language. Buffy stands above Spike on her steps, conveying her elevated role, and Spike honors the way her heroic status has inspired him by physically looking up to her as he explains that he expects nothing from her. But by expecting nothing from her, and promising to protect her sister, he also honors the fact that she is a real person with no obligation to him, and a younger sister she cares about more than anything. He also honors his own duality by at once making Knightly promises, and acknowledging that he sees through his former delusions: “I know that I’m a monster, but you treat me like a man.” In “Fool For Love” he tried to acknowledge the same duality of realism and romance, by declaring to Cecily that “I know I’m a bad poet, but I’m a good man.” But at the time, he was an innocent, whose desire to be seen, and whose romantic avoidance of “dark, ugly things”, left him unprepared to understand how Cecily really saw him (similar to Spike’s insistence in “Crush” that what he and Buffy have “isn’t pretty, but it’s real” just before Buffy locks him out). Spike is a character defined simultaneously by continuous disillusionment and dogged aspiration, which is why he makes perfect sense as a character to embody a season torn between the pain of being human, and the wonder of the gift of love.

Fittingly, the season ends with Spike’s most devastating loss of innocence of all. He fails to be the hero for Buffy or Dawn (note that Knightly language he uses on the tower: “I made a promise to a lady”), and he loses the woman he loves. He may have become more virtuous, but unlike in a chivalric romance, that virtue wins him neither Buffy, nor something flattering like “world reknown.” The climax of the “The Gift” is full of romance—a god, a troll hammer, a damsel on a tower, a heroic self-sacrifice, a vampire transformed into a Knight—but the end result is that Buffy is dead, in part because he wasn’t good enough, and all that he and the Scoobies can do is grieve. Stories got Spike nothing, even when reality finally lived up to them. It is a swan song to the myths of childhood, and on the other side of Glory’s portal, Spike and the other characters will have to confront a world where those myths have been left behind.

part 4: “But I can’t fool myself. Or Spike, for some reason.”: Buffy and Spike as a blended self

[cancerjupiter]

🔥 fire moons 🔥

aries moon

Probably the simplest, most bluntly honest and emotionally direct of all the Moon signs, they tend to be single-minded when involved in their latest enthusiasm, not liking to be bothered (least of all by “emotional” distractions or someone else’s “personal needs”). Most of them will have thousands of such interests in their lives, each of which takes on a feeling of pressing importance and tremendous urgency … until they lose interest when the source of excitement is no longer new. Very action-oriented and thus often a bit pushy, they frequently react impatiently, even when they are not nearly so annoyed or irritated as others may assume from their explosive behavior. Aries above all needs new challenges throughout their lives. Often fearless, the one fear Aries Moon does have is fear of boredom. They always need a new challenge.

They are usually poor listeners, not just because of their obsessive self-interest but also because they tend to jump to conclusions (unless they have, say, lots of Gemini or Libra in their charts, in which case the result is people who can be superb at “active listening”—quickly grasping the essentials and energetically giving lots of instant feedback). Actually, as one perceptive woman with Aries Moon pointed out to me, they need to feel that they are not influenced by others, and therefore they appear not to be listening to others’ advice or observations. And yet, months later, they may inadvertently reveal that they heard it very well and even reflected on it and accepted it later.

Easily bored, restless, rather self-centered, they are by nature competitive—even though many of them don’t like to acknowledge it. They simply have to be the best at everything! As one woman wrote, “Two women I know with Aries Moon are domineering. They think they know all the answers, and that they are always right” (AQ). However, even though instinctively competitive, they do not tend to hold a grudge since they move on to their next interest so quickly—unless they see the other person as an enemy to their freedom who is trying to control or limit them. They are in fact extremely self-sufficient; they prefer independence and the freedom to act without restriction and rarely seek any kind of input from others.

Women with Aries Moon (or Sun for that matter) often use “toxic masculinity” at least in a gentle, non doctrinaire way, because they respect strength and competitiveness, and thus have little time for weeping and moaning from others.

Men with Aries Moon tend to expect a lot from women. In women it gives a strong sense of purpose and freedom.

A thirty-year-old female wrote the following about men with Moon in Aries:

“They seem to totally involve their attention in a very direct and powerful way in the scrutiny of new “data,” often to the extent of monopolizing conversations or others’ attention until their interest wanes or changes focus. They’re also very self-centered: their ideas, their action, their feelings come first, and they don’t usually have a lot of empathy for the needs or feelings of others; they’ll listen, but they’re not consistently good with feedback or support.”

Aries Moon can be outspoken and tactless. Their emotional reactions to stimuli seem raw, completely spontaneous and uncensored.

leo moon

Those with Leo Moon react warmly, generously, and often with enthusiasm and/or humor. There is a childlike simplicity about them, and in fact their notable pride often resembles that of a child as well. These people need recognition and demonstrative affection, and their pride is often hurt if such attention is not given in sufficient and public ways. Like all the fixed signs (Taurus, Scorpio, and Aquarius being the others), Leo is a sign of extremes; and it is therefore difficult to paint a balanced picture of their personal tendencies. They are often shallow and prone to flattery, and yet they have considerable personal integrity, which is not usually compromised. Needing to live up to a big and rather dramatized image of themselves, the Leo Moon person can be rather a show-off. But they do it with such innocence and high expectations that they are often forgiven for their tendency toward self-absorption and dramatization. In fact, it seems they are so in need of attention and so childlike themselves that in very few cases do they have room for children in their lives, even though they often have a natural way with kids and can be great parents. Although not a scientific fact, all the Leo Moons I can think of offhand have either no children or only one child.

They can be loyal, sometimes blindly loyal to the point of foolish behavior that has a negative impact on everyone concerned; and they can be generous (but they do not mind if others notice their benevolence). Shortsightedness is perhaps one of Leo Moon’s worst faults. Some “cannot see past the ends of their noses” and are so self-absorbed that they do not even notice others’ reactions to their sometimes obnoxious, grandiose behavior. This shortsightedness surprisingly extends to their understanding of their own potential. It has always amazed me how many Leo Moon people (with innate talents and ability in abundance!) sell themselves short and wind up worldly failures in comparison to what they had the ability to do. I cannot help but suspect that one reason for this is that their huge pride prevents them from ever listening to (or asking for) honest feedback about themselves. Perhaps they secretly fear that they are not quite up to their self-image. They are known for being insulted easily, so they naturally do not want to expose their fragile ego to criticism, no matter how well-intentioned. But unless they develop a deeper self-understanding and the ability to accept authentic personal communication from others, they may remain engaging in their earnestness and simplicity, but it can eventually wear thin, like a person who never grows up.

Leo Moon people have a capacity for encouraging others that can be extremely supportive and strengthening in a crisis. They can be as solid a support system as one could ever want, but in other cases they seem fanatically convinced that they are having a great, positive impact on others (regardless of the truth) and they want to be thanked for it. Being admired is a central need in many with this Moon placement. (Note that Leo Moon is much more passive than Leo Sun, who is usually busy creating and doing.) There is a deep-down feeling of needing to live up to an image of bigness and greatness, even if they wind up resenting others for not noticing all that they have given. In short, the vast range of Leo Moon personalities evokes extreme reactions, and they are probably included in anyone’s list of people whom one has either deeply loved or strongly resented! Note the extreme and varied qualities noted about Leo Moon in this questionnaire response:

“People with the Moon in Leo always like to be on top of things. They like attention and some can be easily appealed to through the ego. Moon in Leo makes for dynamic personal expression. These people tend to make their presence felt.… the person often tries very hard to make others see them as somebody special, getting mixed reactions from others. While tending to be somewhat opinionated these people can make good listeners, can be very concerned, very caring even if a little overbearing. Moon in Leo is gregarious, dynamic, and can be very creative.”

Another perceptive observation about them:

“Moons in Leo are emotionally melodramatic. They’re easily upset, and tend to get fixated on what they’re feeling, sometimes to the point that their feelings become a major issue in which everyone around them has to participate. They like the excitement of having everyone’s attention on them, even when the price for that is an argument or some kind of conflict. Once they’ve satisfied themselves that they have everyone’s full attention, they’ll usually happily drop the issue and magnanimously allow someone else the “spotlight.” They’re performers.”

sagittarius moon

Tolerant, broad-minded, with a buoyant attitude toward life, those with Sagittarius Moon are idealistic by nature and instinctively react with a philosophical attitude toward any setback, knowing that the future (not the past!) is what matters. They are most comfortable when exploring ideas, ideals, or outdoor places and love a sense of freedom without limits. The distant horizon is always felt as more appealing than the here and now. They particularly need mental freedom (including religious and spiritual room to improve themselves), since their aspirations are not just high but boundless. In fact, the term “upbeat” was invented by a Sagittarius Moon! As one Sag Moon woman always repeated as her mantra, “I see the glass as half-full, not half-empty.” They like to entertain groups of people with their humor. In fact, they want to say yes to every opportunity; they want to feel that life is unbounded by any limits, and so they tend to instinctively promise far more than they can ever deliver. They assume, I suppose, that everyone else forgets as many immediate details as they do, a habit that backfires when angry friends and colleagues confront them demanding to know why the promise did not follow through. As a questionnaire reply asserted, “A need to be all things to all people” characterizes Sagittarius Moon. Generosity and “bigness” are dominant factors in their lives and in their sense of reality and self-image.

Sagittarius is the sign most likely to be oblivious to the realities right in front of them that are obvious to everyone else, so focused are they on the distant goal. Since the road to hell is paved with good intentions, Sagittarius Moon people need to be sure that their goals and ideals are grounded in what is truly possible. They do need a large guiding vision to motivate them in life, but they also need periodic times of self-examination to assess whether they are themselves living up to their ideals. They like to preach to others (usually “helpfully,” in their view), but if something does not work out, well, that is not their problem. Sagittarius Moon people rather dislike the heaviness of daily “reality” and personal or emotional problems.

They have difficulty handling any criticism and often in fact become more indignant than any other sign—a pride that is usually hidden and often surprises others who take their positive, happy demeanor at face value. As Donna Cunningham wrote, “The things that set Sagittarius Moon people off are having one of their pet theories or convictions demolished”. This pride, manifesting at times as a rather exalted view of oneself (perhaps as the only one who can reveal the “truth”), is part of the dualistic nature of Sagittarius, the symbol for which is the centaur—half horse and half human. Sagittarius has the lifelong task of integrating their more idealistic nature with their more unrefined, impulsive, egocentric tendencies. At their worst, they are so proud of their “honesty” (sometimes viewed by other people as tactless bluntness) and of their own moral or intellectual righteousness that—unless more humble or sensitive factors are also dominant in the chart—they can be so uncompromising in their mode of expression that they are often perceived as inconsiderate and unnecessarily hurtful.

Perhaps the key for Sagittarius Moon people to feel authentically at home with themselves is to apply their honesty to themselves as bluntly as they express it to others! They often think too highly of themselves and want to project an admirable image to others. They like to feel idealistic and upstanding, but if they look at themselves honestly, they often have to admit that they are not as impeccably honorable as they like to think; for they can rationalize their behavior as well as anyone when it is convenient or advantageous to do so. Sagittarius Moon is thus a good example of the fact that how people feel about themselves (always directly related to the Moon in anyone’s birth chart) is not necessarily how others see them and their behavior.

A couple quotations from questionnaires can round out this description of Sagittarius Moon:

“Easygoing, gets along with and accepts strangers without discrimination—though sometimes self-righteous and snobbish. Independent emotionally, doesn’t seem to need so much from one as they can get from many.”

“Moon in Sagittarius can be very high-minded, they respond very actively to life. These people can try to push others or just be domineering in general. They can be a little pushy but this is generally out of enthusiasm. For both sexes, can be very direct. For men—very honest in attitude, they say what is on their mind. For women this is also a very blunt placement. Both sexes can often be tactless; they speak the truth as they see it and figure that others should just accept it no matter how hard it is to swallow.”

[whentheynameyoujoy]

Sometimes I wonder how people manage to acknowledge the canonical ship between Sansa Stark and Sandor Clegane while also producing one essay after another about how Sansa isn’t actually kind, isn’t actually intelligent, isn’t actually perceptive, isn’t actually compassionate, isn’t actually intuitive, isn’t actually quick-thinking, isn’t actually associated with motherhood, isn’t actually missed by her family, that must have been another character’s POV you’ve read, champ. Like that’s some impressive pretzel stans are bending themselves into. For all the (justified) talk about how show!stans/jo*nsas like to ignore Sansa’s flaws (the bullying or the classist way in which she applies the better parts of her personality come to mind) or how they need to siphon more flattering traits off other, more popular characters with more epic political storylines in order to appreciate her at all, some segments of the fandom appear to be really, really invested in stripping Sansa of her canonical positive attributes, lobbing them off to others, and turning the story into a competition where one character earns the good gurl award while the other gets to be the shallow one-note cunt.

Because I’m sure that’s what GRRM had in mind when he began writing this shit.

I mean, if you read Sansa’s story as this sleight of hand to reveal ladydom as an irreparably empty idea pursued only by the shallow and then bend Sansa’s canonical arc as either not there or insufficient in order to justify your dismissal of the character’s positive traits, then how the fuck do you square SanSan in the first place? How in the shit do you deal with the canonical pairing that’s all about rebuilding the knight and his lady trope if the female party has been a Cersei in the making this whole time? How do you explain a knightly romantic-turned-embittered cynic falling for what he comes to see as a lady from the songs if his love interest doesn’t actually possess any of the valued aspects that define the idealized notion of a lady?

Srsly, at this point I see no difference between the john*lock jo*nsa stans treating Sansa as basically a perfected Dany in a red wig, and people who obsess over the ugly AGOT aspects of her character on the eve of book six, as though she has underwent no development at all, as if her entire story isn’t centred around internal correction of her established flaws, around her seeing through the lies and opportunism of courtly society, around her finding beauty and worth in what she used to despise, around her trying to be a good person even in situations where it’s detrimental to her, by relying on the good parts of ladydom. Both sides have turned Sansa into this flat arc of either “always was perfect” or “always will be worthless”, the stumbles on her journey either don’t exist or are a capital crime, and I have no strength to entertain this triangular firing squad of horseshit anymore.

When it comes to values ASOIAF has one fucking theme, and that’s “honour, love, bravery, loyalty, all these things that we take as a matter-of-fact marker of a good person are complex, a lot of times inherently contradictory and impossible to achieve in any kind of pure form, but nevertheless should be strived for because they contain a kernel of truth and it’s that kernel of truth that’s necessary for the world to be a place worth living in, for it to even function.” How stans, the pro or anti, believe Sansa and the theme of ladydom are in any way exempt from that I’ll never understand. Just like Jaime or Brienne or Sandor are about exploring knightly honour, not rejecting it, just like Arya is a deconstruction of the worldly prince who’s one with the commoners, not a justification of class divides, just like Dany is a challenge to the wise despot trope, not a personified case for slavery, so’s Sansa an exploration of the feudal underpinnings of the lady concept, not a 2010 reddit bro revelation of what a horrible person a Disney princess would be in real life. It’s really not that fucking deep.

Fuck me, WoW can’t come soon enough.

[jamiemackenziefraser]

All That Was Fair 

Chapter 31: Counsel of a Witch

Summary: Jamie turns to the bookstore owner in search of help

Read on AO3

Read chapter 31 on tumblr below the cut

Previous, master list, next

Chapter 31

***

Jamie was at the end of his rope. With every passing hour, he watched Claire get worse and worse. She was pale, drawn, with dark circles stark under her eyes. Her ashen skin, so different from the soft gleam of its usual pearl, made him want to break down sobbing. She was so different from the vivacious faerie he’d come to know. It broke his heart to see her despondence, and he loved her far too much to endure her suffering in silence for even a moment more. 

So he decided to turn to the one place he might find help. 

The bookstore owner. 

It seemed foolish— bordering on mad— to go to a complete stranger for help on the love of his life. Only this Geillis seemed to be the only one besides Claire herself that knew anything about the Fair Folk. Jamie couldn’t simply take her to a hospital. Going to Geillis was the only thing he could think to do. He was out of options. 

He sat then on the couch, with Claire draped over his lap like a flesh and blood blanket, having just arrived at a decision. 

“Mo ghraidh?” he said quietly. 

He reached out a hand to tangle gently in her curls, his fingers delighting in the softness of it. 

“What is it, Jamie?” she asked. 

Even her voice came off weak, hard as she was trying to sound unaffected. There was a breathy tonality, as if she couldn’t quite draw in enough air. A chilling reflection of her exhaustion. 

“I’m goin’ tae go back to the bookstore,” he said simply. 

At that, Claire sat up, pushing her hands against his thighs to brace herself enough to get upright. Big whisky eyes regarded him with a bewildered expression. 

“To see the witch? Why?”

It took Jamie a second to realize what she had just said. He was opening his mouth to answer the “why” when the first part of her question finally sunk into his brain. His heart stopped beating for a solid second at the same time as his brain ground to a halt. 

“Did ye say ‘witch’?” he asked hollowly. 

Claire furrowed her brows and stated simply, “of course. The one who gave you her notes on traveling through the stones? That witch?” 

“I—” Jamie’s tongue was tied in knots as he struggled to get on board with this new reality-shattering revelation, “I didna ken witches were real,” he finished lamely. 

“Oh,” Claire said, with the same patience Jamie had when explaining something like toothbrushing to her, “she is. That just means she is a human who understands about our realm.”

Blinking, Jamie gave her a look. He was struck dumb for the moment, but as soon as he regained the ability to speak, he demanded, “ye kent she was a witch all this time and didna tell me?”

Claire blinked her weary eyes and gave a nonchalant shrug, looking a bit more like herself as she answered with a straightforward, “It didn’t seem all that important.” 

“Ehmm... so… how did ye know?” he asked, trying to keep up. 

“Sensed it. I just sort of… knew. Like how you know when someone is from a different place that you haven’t been. We both saw each other for who we are. Plus it makes sense, since she obviously knew I’m of the fair folk, that’s why she gave you the book.”

Jamie gave a hesitant nod. He was about to ask more questions about witches when he noticed Claire was raising a hand to her head and rubbing it wearily. His stomach turned over in sympathy. 

Overcome by the bittersweet tenderness, he reached out a hand to replace hers, cupping her face gently. 

“I’m goin’ tae ask her if she kens anythin’ that can help ye, lass,” he said gently, “Just because ye dinna ken what’s goin’ on doesna mean we canna find answers.” 

She leaned her face into his touch until his hand was the only thing keeping her head raised. 

“That’s not a bad idea, Jamie,” she said quietly, “let’s go.”

“‘Let’s’?” Jamie echoed, “nae, a nighean. Ye can barely stand on yer own two feet. I wouldna have ye do anything other than rest.” 

“And I would not have you go to a witch alone,” she countered. 

Jamie’s eyes widened and he felt his brain kick into overdrive. “Do you mean she might be dangerous?”

“No,” Claire said with a shake of her head, still leaving her face pressed into his hand, “I know she’s not. But I’m coming.” 

His stubborn lass. 

Jamie brought his other hand up to frame her face, fixing her with his best admonishing stare. 

“I said no, mo Sorcha. Ye’re stayin’ here.” 

He saw the spark of resistance flare in her eyes before she made the move. Pulling away from him, Claire stood abruptly to her feet. Weak as she was, she swayed for a second, thrusting out a hand to grab hold of the top of the couch and steady herself. Jamie popped up beside her, getting ready to reach out to grab hold of her waist, but she took a hasty step back. 

“I’m going,” she insisted. 

Jamie was left trailing after her as she began to walk stubbornly toward the door (her weakness only betrayed by the way her body shook with tiny tremors). She grabbed the bolt and slid it free with a clang before throwing open the door and walking outside. 

“Claire!” Jamie called, running out after her, barely snagging the car keys and his wallet from the table before he did, “wait!”

She whirled around— the most energetic thing she’d done in a long while, it hurt him to recognize— and placed her hands on her hips. As she did though, her eyes grew wide as if she was suddenly feeling dizzy, and her hand shot out instead to brace against her knee. 

Getting hold of herself, she straightened once again. “Like I said, I’m coming with you. Now, should I do it myself or are you going to help me?” 

Knowing he’d lost the battle and terrified that he’d be forced to watch her collapse as she stubbornly walked to the car if he refused, Jamie caught up to her. 

Gently taking her by the arm, he said quietly, “alright, a leannan, my stubborn lass, you win.”

***

Claire had laid her head down on his lap the moment they were both seated in the car. She spent the majority of the ride to Inverness slipping in and out of consciousness while Jamie worried over her. He prayed under his breath that God would send them answers in the form of this witch. She’d provided him with revelations once before, so Jamie could only dare to hope she’d have a solution just waiting for them. 

As he pulled into the public lot nearest the bookstore, he found himself daunted by the distance Claire would be forced to walk. She hadn’t seemed to have noticed that they weren’t moving anymore, and her breathing was shallow as she drifted in that odd state of half-consciousness. 

“Claire,” he said gently, his voice catching in his throat, “we’re here, a nighean.”

She raised her head, curls falling back behind her, and then dragged her body upright. She rubbed again at glassy eyes, trying to find the necessary strength. 

“Take yer time,” he said softly. 

When her hand fell away and her eyes connected with his, the desperate look inside of them sent him crumbling to pieces. 

“Do you really think she’ll know what’s happening?” she asked in a tiny voice. 

The air in his lungs was expelled with a whoosh. She wasn’t asking him that, not really. She knew he would have no idea— he’d only just learned about the existence of witches mere minutes ago. No, she was asking him to tell her everything would be okay. And that much he could do. 

“Aye, a nighean. I pray that she can gi’ us somethin’. It’ll be alright.”

She gave a shaky nod, and Jamie took that as her being ready. He went around to her side to take her hand and pull her out of the car. She got out easily enough, but once she was standing outside, she fell against Jamie’s chest. He quickly encircled her in his arms, holding on tight to keep her upright. 

“Woah,” he murmured, “take a second. Ye’re okay.” 

The words felt weak even in his own mouth. 

She took his advice, leaning against him for a drawn out moment before she raised her head just enough to say. “Okay, let’s go.” 

Of all the tortures Jamie’s brain had conjured in his life— speculations about how it might be to die by fire versus drowning or other such morbid games— the torture of the next few minutes of watching his very ill faerie struggle to walk down the street topped any agony he’d considered before (save maybe the time when he’d left her at the stones and thought he’d be facing a life without her). 

He kept one arm wrapped tightly around her waist the whole time. The weight of her leaning against him was obvious, and he worked to support her as much as possible. As she struggled to put one foot in front of the other, drained as she was, Jamie cursed himself for giving in so easily and allowing her to come along. 

But she pushed on, his stubborn lass. After a couple slow and shaky blocks, they arrived at the bookstore. There was only time for a single exchange of hopeful looks before Claire stepped away and took his hand instead. 

He pushed open the door with a jingle. 

*

Just like the last time, they were greeted by the air of other-worldliness. Knowing as he now did that Geillis was, in fact, partial to things not of this world, the odd atmosphere made more sense. It took a moment for Jamie’s eyes to adjust to the dim lighting and an even longer while for the goosebumps on his arms to ease. 

Claire must have sensed Geillis’ presence before Jamie did because there was a squeeze to his hand the second before a red head popped out from between two shelves in the back. 

“Ooh, the lovers, back again. Did ye read my wee notes, fox cub?” Geillis cooed. 

She emerged from between the shelves holding two old books to her chest, looking quite excited. 

“Yes, they were verra… informative. I thank ye for it. That’s actually why we’re here…”

Jamie was about to launch into his plea for help when Geillis suddenly stopped dead in her tracks a few feet before reaching them. Her eyes went wide as she looked at Claire, a frown slowly forming between her brows and on those cherry colored lips. 

“I see…” she said softly, “something is wrong wi’ yer fair one, aye?” 

Sensing something— maybe it was a laxness in her fingers or maybe it was just his intuition— Jamie glanced down at Claire just in time to see her face freeze and eyes go distant. He let go of her hand and whirled around to catch her just before she collapsed. Both of his arms went around her tightly and pulled her to him as her knees buckled. 

Looking down at her pale, scrunched features, Jamie was relieved to see that she wasn’t unconscious, but she certainly wasn’t doing well. Her eyes were glassy as she blinked hard, trying to keep herself aware. 

He looked up from his suffering love to give Geillis a pleading look. 

“We need yer help,” his voice broke on the word help. 

Geillis looked somber, studying him and the faerie in his arms. Then, she gave a nod. 

“Bring her back, and then tell me everything.” 

*

“Back” apparently was referring to a back room. Geillis had led them to the back of the bookstore as Jamie all but carried Claire, and then she pulled back a curtain to gesture them into another room. 

With Claire tucked tightly into his side, Jamie ducked through the doorway. 

On the other side was a whole second bookstore with the same crowded shelves and haphazard organization. Only this side also had shelves of all kinds of paraphernalia— vials of colorful liquids, bowls containing small animal bones, and all types of odd trinkets. Jamie tried to take everything in, but his mind was so fixated on Claire that he had trouble taking stock of all the things Geillis had in her secret stock. 

His survey was interrupted as Geillis gestured them toward a window on the far right. There was a bench seat built into the window, and Jamie brought Claire over to it and sat her down before joining her on the smooth, wooden surface. Geillis appeared a second later with a chair, setting it up in front of them before settling in and regarding him with raised brows. 

Claire was leaning against his side, quiet as a mouse and their fingers entangled where they rested together on Jamie’s thigh. Her head tilted down slowly to rest on his shoulder— too tired even to feign strength. 

Geillis looked at them for a long moment before saying, “tell me everything.” 

So Jamie explained. How he found her on the hill. Her story of wandering on the moors when she fell through the stones. How he’d taken her into his home before reading the book and trying to take her back. Her choice to stay. And finally, her deteriorating condition— the exhaustion that rendered her drained and lifeless. 

In the middle of his explanation, Claire had drifted down to lay her head in Jamie’s lap and curl her feet on the bench. It had made the lump in his throat grow, nearly choking off his words, but he’d pressed on to finish his story, knowing how important it was to get answers. 

Once he’d finally closed his mouth, Geillis gave a thoughtful hum, looking down at the faerie in his lap with a worried expression that was almost pitying. 

“I could tell the moment she walked in that somethin’ was wrong,” she said softly. 

“Anyone wi’ two eyes could see that, she can barely stand on her own two feet!” Jamie snapped. He regretted it instantly. Geillis was their greatest hope and her comment didn’t warrant that response, he was just so worried that he was strung nearly to breaking. 

He started to apologize when she cut him off. “Nae, I meant her aura is wrong. Worse than wrong it’s… barely there.” 

Jamie couldn’t help but ask, “that’s how ye kent she was a faerie the first time, aye?” 

Geillis nodded. She was quiet for another gut-wrenching moment, looking down at Claire. The lass in his lap was unconscious, and Geillis seemed to be longing to talk to her instead of him. Or maybe she was just studying her.  

“Do ye ken what’s wrong then?” Jamie couldn’t help but ask, “please? Any ideas at all. I—” he started to try to express how terrified he was, how he couldn’t bear for anything to happen to her, but the words clogged in his throat. He looked down at her as hot tears pricked in his eyes and brushed those beautiful curls back in a way that was probably more soothing for him than it even was for her— out of it as she was. 

When he looked back to meet the startling green eyes, there was sympathy there. 

“I have a theory…” she said, but trailed off. 

Jamie felt his entire body lift. His back straightened as he eagerly asked, “tell me?” 

Her eyes flicked down again to his hands stroking Claire. “Ye willna like it.” 

The hope that had begun forming in his chest popped with suddenly ferocity. He felt sick to his stomach, worse than he ever had on a boat or plane in the worst of his motion sickness bouts. He wished he could just refuse to hear the bad news that was about to come, but he had to face it, for Claire’s sake. No matter what, he would keep fighting. 

“Tell me,” he said. This time it wasn’t a question. 

Geillis settled back in her chair, folding her hands in her lap. 

“Ye said she came through the stones by accident, aye? I think…” for the first time ever, Geillis looked hesitant, “I dinna ken how else to say it…. I think she’s becomin’ human.” 

“What?!” Jamie burst out, loud enough to make Claire jerk in his lap. He quickly looked down, placing his hands on her again to settle her. She hadn’t fully woken, so his touch on her side and face was enough to soothe her back into tenuous sleep. He looked back up to Geillis and repeated, more quietly this time, “what?” 

She looked uncomfortable as she looked at Claire like the theory was forming in her head. “Well, not exactly becomin’ human. Not really. She’s still fae. It’s jes— ye ken she’s from another plane, aye? Well now she’s separated from her realm, and things are different here. She canna draw energy in the same way. Going through the stones— being here in this realm— she’s cut off, and she canna eat and drink like the rest of us to sustain herself, her body isna capable. She’s likely been drawing on what energy she can, but it isna the same as in her realm.” 

Jamie came back to himself to find he was clutching the end of Claire’s hair in a balled-up fist. He felt like Geillis’ explanation had torn him open and ripped him inside-out. 

“So...” he spoke through the bile rising in his throat, “she’s essentially starvin’ to death? From lack of energy?”

She nodded solemnly. Her fixed gaze on him was so intense that he had to look away. He tried to look down, but the sight of Claire’s pale face as she slept in his lap made his eyes burn with tears. 

“Do ye—” Jamie tried to ask, choking back tears, “what can I do?” 

Geillis looked sympathetic but made no move. 

“Take her back to the stones,” she said simply. 

Jamie shook his head violently, his very body tense, as if it could expel the idea. “No, no, she doesna want that. There has to be another way. She could eat— or—”

“That won’t help her, that’s not what she needs. I’m sorry, fox, I… I don’t know of anything else,” her voice was so low and excruciatingly sympathetic that Jamie wanted to scream. 

He found himself still shaking his head in denial. There was a sharp ache in his stomach, as if his heart had shoved its way down there. 

“I dinna think I can—” he choked as the first tears began to fall. Trying to find the barest hint of comfort, he stroked Claire’s hair again, his fingers brushing her face. 

“There’s no choice,” Geillis said finally, “she’ll die.” 

*

Jamie wanted to leave the bookstore. He almost wished that he had never come— only he could never wish to be ignorant about such a thing, even if it was tempting. He glanced down at Claire in his lap. 

She was unconscious, her face nearly ashen in the light from the window. There was no hint of her usual golden warmth— only pallid skin and dark circles under her eyes. He could feel her shallow breathing, 

He wanted to break down completely. The allure of giving into his grief was so strong, but she didn't deserve to languish in this place any longer. He would see her home. 

The polite thing would have been to thank Geillis for her help. Only his throat was so clogged that the words never would have come out. He couldn’t even spare a glance up at her. 

A silent tear dripped down his cheek as he reached a hand down to gently shake Claire’s cheek. 

“Mo ghraidh?” he choked. 

He was suddenly overcome by the acute desire— no need— for her to wake up. He had to see those golden eyes or he’d die. He couldn’t draw breath, he couldn’t—

She opened her eyes slowly, blinking dazedly up at him from where her head rested in his lap between his hands. He expected her to murmur out “what’s wrong?’ as she usually would have upon finding him in such a state of extreme distress. But she didn’t say a word. She was likely too tired to sense his emotions, too tired to even bring herself to confront the reality that was showing on his face. She just breathed in shakily. 

Jamie somehow found a strength inside himself that he didn’t know he possessed. He gathered his composure— for her sake. 

“Let’s go home,” he said softly, his voice astoundingly even. 

He gathered Claire up in his arms with the utmost care, lifting her under back and knees until he was standing face to face with Geillis. 

“Take care of her, fox cub,” the witch said solemnly. 

Jamie swallowed hard. Unable to verbalize it out loud, he gave her a nod. 

A promise. 

He would send her back. He would do what needed to be done to save her. 

At that moment, Claire stirred in his arms. 

“We’re leaving?’ came her breathy question. 

“Yes, a leannan. We’re going home.”

To his surprise, her hand pushed against his chest— her touch weak and lacking any real force, but still insistent. 

“I don’t— they’ll—” she sounded distressed, which broke Jamie’s heart. But she was so incoherent he didn’t have any idea how to assuage her. 

“What is it, a nighean?” he asked, on the verge of tears. 

“Don’t want them to see,” she finally managed. 

That did him in. More tears leaked from his eyes to pour down his cheeks. He swallowed the sob in his throat.

She had always hated other people seeing her— accustomed as she was to being invisible to humans— and now she was embarrassed by the thought of Jamie carrying her through Inverness. 

“Dinna think about them,” Jamie answered, barely able to contain the heartache in his voice, “no one matters except you, mo ghraidh.” 

She still looked distressed. Her eyes were squeezed closed again, her brows furrowed, and she shook her head. 

“Jamie, I…” 

Her voice trailed off. Her head lolled on his shoulder, and he nearly broke down all over again. 

He turned his teary gaze to Geillis, giving her his best look of pleading. 

“Is there nothin’ ye can do tae ease her?” he asked brokenly. 

Geillis looked wrecked too, staring at Claire as if the sight of his wee faerie suffering was too terrible to look away from. “I’m sorry,” she said with a sad shake of her head, “there’s nothin’ I can do.” 

Jamie bit his lip, hard enough to draw blood, and then refocused on his love. 

“Damn the world,” he told her firmly, “we’re goin’ home.” 

***

IMPORTANT:

Hi, friends! I mentioned a few chapters ago that I will be going on hiatus for a short time. I've finished writing arc II now, and in the interest of leaving you all at a decent stopping point before I go on hiatus, I will be dropping a chapter a day. There are 3 more chapters after this one until arc II wraps up. BUT the story will be far from over, so I truly hope you stick around until I get back in a number of weeks. I love this story and these characters so much and I'm really excited for arc III.

With that being said... I will now be running off to hide in fear of my life. IknowIknowIknowI'msorry! SORRY!

Next

[confused-as-all-hell]

Aelin Galathynius

She vaguely felt the light shifting on the lake. Vaguely felt the sighing wind, warm as it brushed against her damp cheeks. And heard, so soft it was as if she dreamed it, a woman's voice whispering, Why are you crying, Fireheart?...

"Because I am lost," she whispered onto the earth. "And I do not know the way.”

Aelin Galathynius, fierce and proud and exquisite. Adarlan’s Assassin, Aelin of the Wildfire, the Queen Who Walked Between Worlds. A girl who held death in the circle of her arms, who knew sorrow and misery by their first names, who gave herself for that glowing future ahead.

Aelin, my love, is not perfect. She says some awful things, and her actions are far from worldly and pure. Her mistakes are common as her own laughter. But I don’t know who told you characters have to be perfect, polished as gold. 

She is allowed to be arrogant, dramatic, proud, daring, reckless, without being told off. These are the qualities often recognized in men, and so when a woman embodies them, she is instantly cut down for it. Aelin loves herself without fail, acknowledges her own beauty, is genuinely kind to herself.

I see so many posts encouraging girls to love themselves, and when one is portrayed in literature, everyone just turns on her. If your excuse is “well, she’s just too arrogant” please shut the fuck up. You do not get to decide what is too much. Nobody stupidly granted you that privilege.

It is perfectly fine for Aelin to see her appearance, her hair and eyes and body and smile, and say “I am happy with myself. I am beautiful.”

Don’t you fucking dare encourage feminism and then detest Aelin for admiring who is she.

Yes, she is out of the ordinary in terms of her looks, yes, she is curiously and suspiciously pretty. But if you dislike Aelin for her appearance, you’re shallow as fuck, I pray you do not like those oddly plain characters either. 

The Fae are a race known for their grace and beauty, so do not tell me it’s funny how everyone is tiringly pretty. They’re supposed to be. That’s literally the whole point. 

For those who complain her story is so special, would you rather read about the citizen who couldn’t find their favourite socks? I dare say no. The general idea of a story is to tell it from the most interesting point of view, in this case, Aelin’s. She is in the thick of everything, not by chance, but because she seeks the source of the trouble.

Her mistakes are plentiful, but Aelin has no trouble admitting this. She apologizes when necessary, admits to her wrongdoings, and she tries to be better. It’s not like she walks around with a blindfold. She works to understand others, never retracts her extended hand, loves her family without fail.

Aelin Galathynius is not thousands of years old, with all the wisdom of the centuries. She is a girl of seventeen, trying desperately to do her best, to save her home and her people and herself. 

She woke between her parent’s cold corpses as a little girl, watched men and women die horrifically before she was eight, killed time and time again to save her own life. She found her best friend lying in pieces on her bed, bowed to her mother and father’s murderer, was enslaved and tortured and beaten and scourged. 

Her trauma is not to be forgotten. Aelin is trying to save a world, and she’s still working through the terrors she witnessed so long ago. The inside of her mind was a lightless place, with no lamps to be seen.

It is okay for characters to fuck up. It’s okay for them to make mistakes and lash out. It’s okay for them to make bad choices, so long as they learn from them.

Nobody is made of gold. Nobody is unworthy of love. Nobody deserves your hatred.

Aelin is not the most powerful of her court, despite much bitter discourse.

Rowan is physically stronger, and far more capable with weaponry. 

Lysandra is prized as a shape-shifter, her talent stated to be utterly invaluable.

Aedion commands his own legion, the fearsome Bane.

Elide is the cleverest, with precious insight and incredible wisdom.

Lorcan is a extraordinarily strong warrior.

Manon is the Witch-Queen, with plenty of influence and power.

Dorian has the strongest magic of them all, in the largest quantity.

Chaol is... 

Anyways, Yrene’s healing gifts are considered their greatest asset in the war.

Though Aelin is certainly important, she does her part and only her part. She does not attempt to take credit for what she has not done. She will take the suffering upon herself, but never the joy.

Aelin is bleeding and bleeding, dashed on the rocks, and all of you can only scoff at her beauty and talent. 

I am capable of writing eloquent pieces, playing several musical instruments, charming several adults, making people laugh, finding lovely angles for photographs, and much more. 

Am I conceited to say so? I can appreciate my better qualities and absolutely hate work on my worse attributes. 

Aelin isn’t the not-like-other-girls cutout. She is like other girls. She loves dogs and candy, can wield her weapons with staggering competence, chooses her favourite gowns cautiously, is proud of herself for her accomplishments, works to lift other women up.

Aelin, at the very least, can appreciate being like other girls is a compliment. Girls (and boys!!) are fucking amazing. 

You can hardly expect a girl of eighteen to be perfectly polished. 

Aelin herself knows this. She listens when Darrow says she’s unfit, and she works to prove why she is capable. She wants to be better, to learn how to properly rule her country.

As well as the whole ordeal with her keeping the allies secret, she was afraid. Aelin had a group of people shout at her, tell her what an awful job she was doing, how she didn’t deserve to be queen. She didn’t want to let them down more. 

Everyone hates “perfect” characters, and then they hate the characters who fuck up. Pick a side. Pick a struggle. Pick a fight, if you like, I’m happy to give one over.

Aelin, the defender, the hero made history. She is so often hated; I would like to show her a little love.

[rolanberry-rebel]

Prompt #29: Debonair

A violin quartet bounced out the airy lilt of spring waltzes and the sun died away through tall crystal windows of a ballroom trimmed in brilliant gold, rich oak, accoutrements of pearl and precious silver dishware glistening atop a half-dozen lengthy banquet tables. Nearly two-dozen families of highest esteem had braved the roads and rains of the wilds south of Wineport to call on the family Sebastis, and the family certainly impressed with the vast spread of honeyed roasts, freshly-picked fruit, vegetables spiced with real medleys from Radz-at-Han, and as one would expect from a family like theirs, the headiest aged wine to be found in Vylbrand.

Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves save the raven-haired maiden with a furrowed brow and arms crossed, bound up in a puffy white, pearl ribbons woven through her hair. More than anything, the scion of the Sebastis family despised these contemptible gatherings on account of the men from all corners leering at her. She felt a sea of eyes examining her every movement while she stared obstinately into the shallow pool of wild-mushroom soup broth within the gleaming bowl before her.

"You could try to enjoy yourself, you know," a cotton-soft femme voice implored in a whisper from behind her. Lissa rolled her eyes; she'd heard his before. For as fiercely as Lissa despised these occasions, her sister Allure looked forward to them, though for very different reasons. High-society provided the scheming sibling an opportunity to scope out weak links in the competition; to embarrass family rivals, to weave gossamer webs of deception and rumor to lift Sebastis esteem.

"There are dozens of striking, worldly, handsome gentlemen here, Anny," Allure continued, in a fake approximation of that sister voice. This adversarial standoffishness had not always mired the relationship between the sisters - Little Anny had even looked up to the elder Sebastis daughter in her younger years, the pair having built memories of giggling about boys and lunching at Bismarck. Now a sickening pallor had fallen over those once-warm memories as adulthood brought a new level of manipulative cruelty out of Allure and a chafing contempt from Lissa.

"Aaaand," Allure's childish and giddy tone grew almost too much for Lissa to bear, "I see your favorite... Ser Vonnault..." Allure teased. "Remember hiiiim?" Lissa cringed, glancing across the floor - seated at a far table, leering at her, a man she and Allure had gushed over as children, a famed and debonair Ishgardian knight, now retired and to whom age had not been kind, if the lost hair, rotund midsection and lecherous glare indicated.

"Maybe like, 15 years ago, Allure," Lissa spat. Her stomach churning at the spectacle being made of her, the younger daughter rose from her chair, her sibling's sister face and sister voice having dropped into the far more characteristic razor stare.

"You're not going to do this to me tonight Anylissa," she stated coldly.

"My stomach is bothering me. I'm just going to the washroom," Lissa mewled, pushing past the whatever ghost had come to possess the sister she'd once loved, whose eyes cut deep as daggers for each retreating step.

Jamming the washroom door shut, she set a small lit candlestick upon the windowsill, sighing and glancing at herself in the mirror. She looked like a fool, playing a part she scarcely knew, and she dreaded the thought of even another second of leering from pig-men in waistcoats.

A soft rattling at the frosted washroom window startled Lissa from her disturbed deluge; the dilettante inched closer, unlatching the glass and cracking it open far enough to see into the shadows without. A familiar sight calmed her heart and brought a smile to reddened lips - two stories below, rustling in the rosebushes of the estate gardens, a grinning group of faces had gathered to rescue Lissa from this ball-gown hell - her friends from the berry farm, her father's laborers, and the only people she felt she could relate to in miles.

"Though you could use some help, beautiful," a familiar voice crooned - Trevor, who brought a scarlet color quick to Lissa's creamy cheeks. A round of churlish laughter followed from the other farmhands, and Lissa pressed a finger to her lips through a silly smile.

"The guards'll be looking for me tonight," she whispered down to them. "What're you all doing?"

"We're having a party, Liss, and we need some entertainment," answered Crowlie, a lanky tower of a man in rags.

"My lute's tuned up this time, promise," another voice in the shadows chimed in, this time belonging to Lund, an older farmhand who had quite a talent with a lute.

"Whaddya say? You'd rather stay in there with all those debonair gentlemen?" Trevor mocked. Lissa smirked.

"Help me climb down this trellis," she whispered. "But don't rip the dress! Allure would kill me."