#like not to be like clint mcelroy saved my life but i actually think he saved my life

[andthen-light]

listening to balance at 15 fundamentally changed the synapses of my brain or whatever in many ways but most significantly i genuinely do not think id be here if i hadnt heard merle’s choose joy speech when i did

[epersonae]

Question about taz balance bc I saw your tags about it being the media you would want everyone to consume - my understanding is that it's, like, a dnd podcast? is that right? does it have like the dnd mechanics happening (like, now roll 3d6 or whatever)?

It is an actual honest-to-god D&D podcast, with the dice rolls and everything. Here's the thing, though: you absolutely do not need to know a single goddamn thing about D&D before listening. (At least one of those guys did not (CLINT) before they started!)

Now, I know if anything too much about D&D, like, an amount that always surprises me if I think about it at all. (Which honestly means sometimes I yell at the show for grossly abusing D&D rules.) But I know lots of fellow Adventure Zone fans who knew nothing about D&D and enjoyed it a lot anyway.

The thing about it is that it introduces a weird element of chance into the storytelling, and the DM (Griffin) is very good at figuring out how to make that work over the long run of the story. He's also pretty good at not letting fights get bogged down for too long, and he definitely improves at that over time. And the four of them are all audio storytelling guys (podcasters and DJ) so they do a good job of making it not feel so mechanical.

I've tried a number of other actual play D&D podcasts, and honestly nothing else has ever stuck for me the way that The Adventure Zone (at least Balance, and to a lesser degree Amnesty and Ethersea) has done. I think some of that is a smaller party (Critical Role has SO MANY players!), some of that is a relatively loose attitude towards the rules, some of that is the particular McElroys vibe. So yes, it is a D&D podcast where they roll actual goddamn dice to help determine the story; it is also deeply silly and incredibly thoughtful, and it kinda saved my life.

[tony-the-tigers-juicy-nutsack]

I'd like to discuss taz and I'd really like to discuss how it saved my life

My family has a history of mental illness and both my parents have a decent sized lost of diagnosed illness. I have no idea why with this knowledge or took me telling my mom that I was miserable with life and wanted to kill myself, and not just my obvious behaviours that could be easily spotted as maybe concerning and needing to see a psychiatrist, to realize maybe I might kind of sort of have depression and/or anxiety.

I was miserable and I'd spent so long being miserable that I didnt k ow how to not be and I didnt really want to change it, I was lazy and scared, I knew it would be hard so I just ignored my problems.

One day I was watching a camp camp animatic because when I oil my scalp I click on anything that's long enough to get me through a section and this was a series of wips that added up to 10 min, it was merle saying I choose joy, the part that got me.

I had been recommended taz since it started and I didnt want it, when I heard that line I grew a hate for it and shut all taz content out for 2 maybe 3 years. One day after a falling out with a friend I'd grown apart from I realized I was trying to keep something alive even thought it had died long ago and in a moment of calmness sadness (not the bitter anger the lines had caused the first time I heard them) I searched for those lines specifically

And I listened

And I cried for about an hour

When I was done I looked back on what was roughly 13 failed suicide attempts in a little less than 2 1/2 years, I was so tired and worn out

I realized I was bitter because when I first heard that line "I choose joy" I was angry because I was not only born with my illness but felt I was doomed because of some horrible cripplingly traumatic events to be horrible bitter and alone, I felt like I was being spoken too directly

And I realized I wanted to choose joy, I couldnt when I was younger. ecause I didnt understand but I've learned now and I know more and I'm learning everyday how to take it one step at a time, bow to make friends I can vent to and count on, what things my other friends did that were actually mean and how to be a real friend

I'm learning to choose joy and when I go back to that bitter dark place I think about the passion in clint mcelroys voice when he says to choose joy anyway

I love taz because it saved my life I really do live for it

[ohsweetflips]

so it’s always loving lucretia o’clock but today it’s like,,,, Extreme loving lucretia o’clock, like!!

she can write with both hands. at the same time. like, that is a thing she can do. i feel like that’s never talked abt enough but it’s one of the first things i always think abt when i think of lucretia. like!!! not only can she write well, incredibly well, well enough to be the chronicler for a space expedition through different planes of reality, but she can write simulataneously! with both hands! like, fuck!!!

she also speaks eight languages!!! like lucretia is so fucking smart and i love how it’s just a Thing that everyone knows. like, that part in reunion tour where taako is casting that spell to see into lucretia’s mind to know her actual thoughts? and how, if he wanted to know more, lucretia would have to make a wisdom saving throw? and justin was just like, “yeah fuck that she’ll win” like!!! lucretia is so fucking smart!!!

ALSO SHE’S A PAINTER!!! WHICH IS FUCKING RAD!!!

also, in my opinion, she, without a doubt, has some of the best music? like “madame director/lucretia/lucretia (reprise)” all make me incredibly emotional? also “20 years gone” is incredibly heartbreaking? like????? wow

also the part where griffin talks abt how, after her year alone, and even tho it was years before the bureau would be founded, we all saw her become Madame Director like!!! her transition from wallflower to director, from someone who would rather watch something amazing happen to someone who wants to be an active part of it.... is literally so incredibly amazing

i’m saying “incredible” a lot and it’s bc lucretia is incredible

also tho i love how pre-judges-cycle lucretia is portrayed. like, she could’ve been portrayed as “weak” bc of her shyness and with the other characters being like “oh why is she here” but nope!!! she was shown to be so amazing and smart and a needed facet to the team and thank u griffin mcelroy for not doing my girl dirty bc lucretia’s role in the IPRE (and the entirety of taz) was so............... wonderful

ngl, i loved lucretia from the start just bc she falls into my “character types” that i love, so i always trusted her and, even if i thought something was going on with the bureau, i just really trusted lucretiaso i was completely w/ justin and clint when they talked abt how, they knew that Something had to happen with them and the bureau, but their characters weren’t ready for it like magnus was

also i love how human she is? like lucretia is so... human. i think that all the characters in taz are so well-developed and so lively but something abt lucretia feels as if literal life was breathed into her?

like, her character arc is so fucking amazing. like i know i keep throwing around “incredible” and “amazing” but like. really. it’s so relieving, in a sense? bc, ngl, i was scared that griffin was gonna pull the “ha! got you! lucretia’s been evil the whole time!” once reunion tour/stolen century happened, but listening to the finale ttazz, it was so relieving to hear griffin be like “i never ever ever once thought abt lucretia being the villain and she so clearly isn’t one.” like, this whole black/white writing could’ve been taken where it’s like “the bureau is evil and everyone else is good” but griffin didn’t write lucretia like that!!! and thank fuck for that!!!

like, one of my favorite quotes about lucretia is griffin saying that “she’s a very good person who made a very very very difficult choice.” like. lucretia didn’t relish in what she did. she didn’t erase her family’s memories thinking shit like “they’re all so stupid for not believing in my idea.” like, she did what she thought that she had to because she saw her family hurting and couldn’t bear to see them so upset. she wanted to make things better and fix what they did, not just for the world, but for them. she saw how the devastation from the relic war was destroying her family, and she took it into her own hands to change things.

and was that the best decision? no. but i feel like, with the debate between making the relics or making the barrier, “good” and “bad” decisions can’t really be applied.

i always think of it as taako’s quote to lup after the final glass circle before lup left: “sometimes there’s not right or wrong decisions. sometimes they’re just decisions.”

and i’ve seen it said that both of those decisions had to be made for them all to realize what they had to do to truly stop the hunger, and i completely agree with that

okay i went on a bit of a tangent (that i could talk so much more and in depth abt but this post is getting really long) but i love lucretia so much and how great of a character she is??? just everything abt her feels real and i feel like she shows that, when stuck between a rock and a hard place, it’s hard to make decisions that can appease everyone and everything? like, as i stated, i could go so much more in-depth with this, but like griffin said himself, lucretia took perhaps the “overly protective” choice bc, at that time, it was what she thought she had to do. and something abt that, something abt her entire character and the choices she made and everything, feels so incredibly human.

also she’s one hell of a wizard. which is pretty sick.

[grantwilson]

so, i have long held the belief that there are no cis/straight characters in the adventure zone. i decided that i wanted to compile some proof. if i put together everything that implies an lgbt character it would be like 3 hours long, so instead i put together everything that actually confirms it, either by directly stating or by giving a relationship with another character. put in chronological order bc that was the easiest way to figure out. here it is. enjoy.

transcript:

Griffin: I definitely fucked up in that like, the Bury Your Gays trope with the Ram and Raven, Hurley and Sloane, at the end of the Petals to the Metal arc. When I was writing it, I was like, “Oh it’s the first romance of the show, I’ll give it a tragic ending,” without knowing that there was this whole fucking, like, that’s how most gay and lesbian relationships in media end, is with tragic endings. Which I didn’t realize and so like, I’ve stepped in it a lot, in that regard.

Justin: In my mind, when I was doing the character and had Taako’s story in my head, Taako was a gay guy.

Johann: That’s like [Boyland’s] 400 kids and wives and husbands and stuff. That’s… god, that’s rough.

Griffin: I’m trying to stick with the they pronoun for Roswell, I keep fucking that up.

Griffin: One thing I want to make clear, we’re gonna learn a lot more about Lup in this session, and pretty much on through the rest of the campaign, but I  wanted to say as long as we’re talking about your backstory that the two of you are twins, and that Lup was assigned male at birth, but at a fairly young age she transitioned and identified as a female elf, and as, you know, as Lup. Which I only mention because like, talking about your backstory and having a difficult childhood or whatever, I don’t really- it’s your call, but I don’t really want that backstory to be like, you had a traumatic childhood because of your identities, because I think that would be shitty, but rather just like, it’s a tough world. Justin: I feel it was more scrappy. I feel like it was more like, “well, we’re gonna look out for each other, and that’s it.” We’re on each other’s team, and we’re looking out for each other. I don’t think it had as much to do with our identities. So we’re clear, and so I’m clear not to misgender Lup, can we make the assumption that the things we are talking about probably took place after she transitioned, so if I’m referring to Lup, as she- Griffin: Yeah. Yeah, that is her pronoun.

Taako: You’re right, there has been a terrible loss that you should know about. Justin: And I drop the camouflage spell that I’ve been maintaining. Griffin (softly): Oh, God. Taako: I just wanted to be honest. I didn’t want to catfish you or anything. [laughing and clapping] This is Taako today. I had a bad run-in while I was saving the world, again, and this is what I really look like. I just wanted you to know that, in case it changes anything, for you, personally, I thought you should know, now. Kravitz [Griffin]: [He says,] Taako, I was crazy about you, before some weird light told me a story about your 100-year journey through existence, where you were fighting for a century to save the world. [He says,] I love you, Taako, and at this point I think everyone in reality is going to love you after hearing your story, and… nothing’s gonna change that.

Griffin: The day of Carey and Killian’s wedding was full of laughing, and dancing, and feasting, and loving.

Dylan Mathis: I loved Jeremiah Blackwell. And, he loved Anne. And when they got married, do you- Mr. Ryehouse, do you know- have you ever, in a moment, been the most happy and saddest you’ve ever been, in your whole life?

Griffin: This is a question from Katya, who says, “I have a very important question to Travis about Aubrey Little: Is she a lesbian?” Travis: So, I based Aubrey on four people, right? She’s named after Aubrey Plaza, and she is pierced and tattooed like my friends Verona, Tybee, and Kate. And so, all four of those people are bisexual. So it was just kind of in my head, it wasn’t really a decision I made but as I was picturing Aubrey, and basing her off those four people, she just was bisexual. So to answer your question Katya, she is bisexual, like all four of those people.

[teruthecreator]

also if you will it: thackeo for the ship one 😳

(cracks knuckles) oh boy. y’all, cro and i are about to part back the curtain and let you into a room we’ve been privately cultivating since ep 29 known as Thackeo Hell. 

welcome to the REAL canon. 

When I started shipping them: 

episode 29, when clint mcelroy dunked on my soul within the span of eight seconds and then i responded w “aight, bet” and let my third eye open. 

My thoughts: 

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GOOD ANGST MATERIAL BUT ALSO GOOD SOFT MATERIAL. 

Cro and I have been crafting a backstory for the two (which mainly came from our braincells colliding and then I started spouting angst), but I think they met during the early Pine Guard days. Leo stops by the Lodge because he has to be sure that the people who decided to protect Kepler are gonna be enough to actually succeed (since I think Leo learns pretty quickly that Duck is gonna be ignoring his destiny for a good long while). It’s the perfect nerd/psuedo-jock interactions, with the kinda quiet but extremely intelligent Thacker and the burly but easy going Leo. It takes them a while to actually talk-talk, and (probably after a few close calls with some abominations that has Leo rushing in last minute to save Thacker) from there they sorta hit it off. They definitely get married not too long into dating (because they’re both in their middle ages and life is too short when you’ve found The One) and the ceremony is in front of the gate and Mama officiates and Barclay cries his eyes out. And then, months later, Thacker disappears. ouch. 

There’s a lot of angst I could get into, but also I think I’ve given y’all enough of a sliver to spark your interest. I have so many thoughts about them if you ever wanna hit the askbox up tho ;)))))))

What makes me happy about them: 

I just said this, but the nerd/jock energy is Sublime. I also really just wanted to give Leo someone??? Like people are so quick to pair off every other male character but they leave Leo out of the loop. give my man a husband!!! he deserves it!!!

What makes me sad about them: 

uhhh that it’ll probably never be canon?? and also there’s a lot of Angst Potential, with Thacker being gone and then basically possessed by the Quell. so that’s kinda sad. 

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: 

there is none. so uhhhhh that’s annoying. make some y’all. 

Things I look for in fanfic: 

There’s a lot of potential for their backstory/prior relationship!! A lot of angsty/fluffy opportunities!!! Also, post-canon shit will be bomb for this pairing!! Get on it people!!!

My wishlist: 

Thackeo Canon 

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: 

No one. Sorry, I’m dying on this hill. They deserve each other. 

My happily ever after for them: 

Reuniting right before the last arc, and then getting their vows renewed after the fighting because it’s been so damn long and both of their rings got busted in the time apart. They live out the rest of their days in peaceful domesticity, co-running Leo’s General Store, but with a new special attachment of a bookstore that Thacker personally stocks. They spend their nights watching Wheel of Fortune on their couch with their animals (they definitely have at least one dog and one cat, though I wouldn’t be surprised if Leo frequently came home with strays from the store), and that is only occasionally interrupted by the rest of the Chosen Squad joining in and making a night out of it. Overall, I want their lives to be easy together. Heavens know they deserve it, after everything. 

[metalandmagi]

August Media Madness

Well, August may have sucked for me personally, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t keep track of all the media I consumed this month! And spoiler alert, I watched a lot of movies involving adorable talking bears. Although, I have a feeling that as soon as the fall television premieres start, I’ll be watching a lot less movies.

July’s media

Movies!

Dear Evan Hansen

Thank you bootlegs. This isn’t a movie, but I didn’t want to make a separate category for plays when I’ve only seen one this month. Anyway, if you haven’t heard of it, Dear Evan Hansen involves an incredibly anxious teenage boy who is tasked by his therapist to write motivational letters to himself. Unfortunately, Connor Murphy, an angsty boy who goes to Evan’s school sees one of the letters, takes it, and promptly decides to kill himself, with the letter still on his person. Everyone ends up thinking he and Evan were friends and that this letter was a suicide note that Connor wrote to Evan...and a beautiful fake gay relationship friendship was born. Call me basic as hell, but I’ve watched this show twice now, and listened to the soundtrack more times than I can count, and it’s turning into my favorite musical. There are so many important messages in it, and it takes you on a roller coaster of emotions. Every character does good and bad things, and no one is blameless or innocent...except maybe Zoe Murphy. If anything just listen to the soundtrack. 10/10

Night on the Galactic Railroad

Cats...on a mystical train...This seems like the kind of movie they would show you in film school. Very dull plot and characters with the themes being the main takeaway. What even is the plot of this movie? Darker, grittier, furry version of the Polar Express? Incredibly boring slightly more religious version of Over the Garden Wall? I just kept watching it because the main character looks like a cat version of Kagayama Tobio in middle school...cat-gayama. 4/10

Paddington

An adorable bear from South America travels to London and gets into all sorts of trouble with an English family. It’s very charming and sweet, and the aesthetic in this movie is on point, like Wes Anderson directed a children’s movie. This is one of those movies you hear about where everyone loves it, and you think it can’t possibly be that good, but then you watch it and you were wrong! So wrong! 10/10

Paddington 2

Naturally. This time an adorable South American bear goes to prison, and his family tries to clear his name. Again, A+ aesthetic and imagery, but I think I preferred the plot of the first movie a little more because everyone was all together. 9/10

Christopher Robin

Do you like Winnie the Pooh? Do you like jaded adults finding happiness in their lives again? Do you think the movie Hook had a good premise but was extremely long and kinda boring and could have been a better movie with a little tweaking? Well this is the movie for you! Christopher Robin has grown into an overworked adult, and his old friend Winnie the Pooh inadvertently helps him reconnect with his wife and daughter (and also his inner child) just by being the sweet, clumsy, dry humored bear we all know and love. I was so skeptical of this movie at first, and I was absolutely blown away by how funny and meaningful it was. 100/10

The Road to El Dorado

Two lovable Spanish con men named Miguel and Tulio are accidentally swept away on a journey to the fabled city of El Dorado, where everything is made of gold. Once they reach the city, the locals believe they’re gods due to an (un)fortunate series of coincidences, and the con men try to keep up the charade with the help of the best character in the movie, Chel (who I’m pretty sure caused an entire generation of lesbians’ sexual awakening). This is one of my favorite animated movies of all time and one of the reasons I wish Dreamworks would go back to their 2D animation days, where the visuals and music were just as stunning as 3D movies are now. This movie is a classic, and I desperately want a sequel! 10/10

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before

When Lara Jean thinks it’s a good idea to write 5 secret love letters to 5 boys that she’s had crushes on over the years, everything is fine until her little sister mails the letters to all the boys (because even a 6th grader knows Lara Jean is lonely and emotionally stunted as fuck). This is a Netflix original movie that was adapted from the book by Jenny Han...which I haven’t read, but now I really want to. Overall, this was super cute, but I wasn’t really crazy about the boys. They weren’t horrible people or anything, and they never pressured Lara Jean or made fun of her for being “innocent”, but they were just kind of bland. I’m much more interested in the other boys we didn’t see in the movie! But the family relationships were so heartfelt, Lara Jean’s fashion sense is AMAZING, and the acting/casting was awesome. 8/10

Summer Wars

I...don’t even know how to describe the plot of this one. A teenage boy named Kenji goes on a country holiday and pretends to date an acquaintance of his in order to impress her enormous family...but it’s really about an AI that becomes sentient and wants to mess up the world through this universal internet program called OZ that’s kind of like a mashup of Facebook and Second Life...but actually no it’s about family sticking together and using a Japanese card game to save the world…but apparently it’s got the same plot as the Digimon movie because they’re both directed by Mamoru Hosoda. Yeah...

Guys, I have a confession to make...this has always been my favorite Mamoru Hosoda movie. Everyone falls all over themselves saying Wolf Children is the best Mamoru Hosoda movie, and that’s great for them but it doesn’t even come in second for me. Summer Wars means a lot more to me personally because I come from a big extended family, and when I first saw this movie, I was blown away by how accurate the family dynamic was. There are so many characters, but everyone has their own personality. Not to mention the music makes the summer atmosphere so on point. And I’m not going to lie...I bawled like a fucking baby the first time I saw this movie. So anyway, I like Summer Wars more than Wolf Children, thanks for coming to my TED talk. 10/10

Atlantis: The Lost Empire

Unappreciated researcher Milo Thatch goes on an expedition to find the lost city of Atlantis.

Okay, there are two kinds of Disney fans in this world: Treasure Planet fans, and Atlantis fans. And I will support Treasure Planet as the best underrated vaguely steampunk inspired Disney movie until you can pry my 15 year old dvd copy away from my cold dead hands. But Atlantis is pretty good too. I could write essays comparing the two and why both of them should be successful but weren’t. My main problem with it is that the characters are great, but I feel like we don’t see enough of them, and as a kid a lot of the humor went by so fast that I completely missed it. Also the glowing eyes and spirits taking over the Atlantian princess’s body freaked me the fuck out as a child. NEVERTHELESS! This really is a great movie, with extremely well developed lore and well designed characters that chills me to this day. 8/10

Deadpool 2

The merc with a mouth is back, and man there’s so much going on in this movie I won’t even try to explain the plot. I literally had to go back and add this in because I was so into this movie when I was watching it that I forgot to write it down! Even though I really liked this sequel, I think I liked the first one better, just based on how much I laughed. There was so much going on plot wise, but it really seemed to work for this movie. There were also a lot of great new characters (Domino is my favorite character of the franchise now), but since there was so much stuff going on, a lot of jokes and plot lines were sort of hit and miss. Anyway, I’m sure everyone’s seen this one by now but just in case, I highly recommend it. 9/10

Books!

The Adventure Zone Graphic Novel: Here There be Gerblins by Clint McElroy (technically all the McElboys) and Carey Pietsch

Yeah yeah, for anyone who doesn’t know I’m Adventure Zone trash okay. TAZ is a DnD podcast where 3 brothers and their father create one of the most famous campaigns in history involving three idiot adventurers going on a quest to find a missing person and getting sucked into a much larger grand plan to protect the world. This graphic novel is a visualization of the first arc. I don’t even really like Here There be Gerblins all that much, and yet here I am. Oh well, the art was amazing, and of course I already knew the story. But it was kind of hilarious to see the name changes they had to make to some of the characters and places. I was a little disappointed that the ending was so rushed, and we don’t really spend time around the moon base before The Director is in our face changing the Lunar Interlude parts but whatever. 10 dead gerblins/10

The Darkest Minds by Alexandra Bracken

When a disease that only affects children kills off nearly all the kids on the planet, the survivors are left with supernatural powers and are taken away to concentration camps in order to “protect” the public. I’ve been wanting to read this for a long time, and since the movie just came out I thought it was the perfect time. This is one of those books that some people adore and some people hate. I thought it was just okay. For everything that I didn’t like, there was something to make up for it. Personally, I felt that Bracken focused on the wrong part of the story. Everything takes place years after this disease has come, and I think it would have been more interesting to see everything from the children’s points of view when this disease was first starting. I would focus on each different character as a child and how they wound up in their respective camps. Oh well, there’s way too many pros and cons  that I could delve into, but you like the YA dystopian genre then I say go for it. I didn’t like it enough to read the other two books (not yet anyway). 7/10

TV Shows!

Camp Camp

You know how there are summer camps that specialize in science, or acting, or space, or whatever? Yeah Camp Camp is about a summer camp that throws literally everything you can think of into one summer camp. If you don’t believe me, just listen to the theme song. Seriously though this is one of the best shows I’ve watched all year, but boy howdy this is not one for young children. It’s like Gravity Falls and Rick and Morty had a baby! Anyway, the characters are both surprising and hilarious. David the camp counselor (voiced by Miles Luna) is genuinely likable when you think he’d be the most annoying person on the planet, and the kids are so accurate it’s scary. Also Yuri Lowenthal is in it. And Griffin McElroy has a recurring role where he plays A GHOST! I’ve never been into Rooster Teeth stuff, but they have a winner with this one. 10/10

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

After her husband leaves her, Midge Maisel gets super drunk, goes on stage, and gives a hilarious rant about her relationship at a small comedy/talent club and somehow gets sucked into becoming a rising comedian as a woman in the 1950s. It’s good. Great acting pretty funny, but Midge and her agent/manager Susie are the only likable characters. Everyone else just kind of...sucks 8/10

Voltron Season 7 (spoilers)

Okay, I know everyone had mixed feelings about this season, but I did come out liking a lot of it. It had a lot of flaws (I really thought it would be Shiro’s season, and man was I wrong), but this is the sort of thing we can’t really judge until the last episode of the series is finished. I like to think of the positives: the action was amazing as usual, HUNK IS GETTING MORE AND MORE DEVELOPMENT EVERY SEASON, I refuse to believe the team introduced Adam just to have him killed off immediately so he’s still alive in my mind, we get to see everyone’s reunions with their families, the lost in space episode was cool, and say what you want about the game show episode, but I loved it! There were a lot of good things so it was easier for me to look past the...not so great aspects of the season. 7/10

Galavant

A musical comedy mini series involving a renowned medieval hero named Galavant on a quest to rescue his ex girlfriend from her “evil” husband King Richard. But maybe she doesn’t want to be rescued. Well, that’s just the first season. It’s best to go in knowing as little as possible. I remember liking it when it first came out, and it’s still pretty cute...but sometimes I feel like it’s trying too hard. A lot of the music isn’t really...memorable, but the characters are likable so it’s still worth the watch. 8/10

Disenchantment

Speaking of medieval comedies...Princess Bean doesn’t want to get married, mystical elf Elfo doesn’t want to live in an enchanted forest where everyone is happy all the time, and Bean’s personal demon Luci just wants to watch people suffer. Honestly, I wasn’t very into this show at first, but something compelled me to just keep watching, and by the end I was totally into it! This is one of those shows where you think there isn’t going to be a plot, but then the last few episodes come up and smack you in the face! 7.5/10

Round Planet

A documentary parody...mockumentary...satire...That’s really not a great way to describe it. It’s a nature documentary with funny commentary. I like nature shots and animals so I liked it, but there’s a lot of tangents and running jokes and British references that sometimes don’t land. Oh well, if you like unconventional documentaries, just watch it. 8/10

Honorable Mentions

DnDnD: I don’t think I’ve ever talked about this podcast before, but there’s a DnD podcast made by Practical Folks (aka the Drunk Disney youtube channel). It’s pretty good! I want an Adventure Zone crossover now!

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild: Every time I think I’m out, it pulls me back in. I finally got the DLC and spent most of this month playing this freaking game AGAIN!

The Heathers soundtrack: I finally listened to the Heathers musical soundtrack...and I didn’t love it. There are some good songs in it, but overall I’m unimpressed. And I never could really get into the plot, I’ve always thought it was really weird and over dramatic.

Legendary by Stephanie Garber: I’m about halfway through this book, which is the second in the Caraval series. And it’s pretty good! More on that next month.

[ghosty-schnibibit]

late liveblog for a late ep lol :P

i actually had to listen to this in two parts. i started it yesterday night around seven and was interrupted by my mom wanting to talk over skype for about three hours, after which i fell alseep lol. posting this right before i’m leaving my apartment to go see incredibles 2! here we go! ^u^

"the longest day in literary history" i think you're forgetting how long crystal kingdom lasted irl griffin

oh no :(

aubrey my baby

...did they actually get t-shirts?????

"double-o-downer" c l i n t

oh fuck, that ain't good D:

holy shit i didn’t even notice travis dipping into the magnus voice, i thought it was just him talking lol

i am also very worried about mama, poor barclay :(

what is an arnold palmer? oh, thank you trav

if your map of kepler looks anything like your map of refuge i'm sure it will be wonderful griffin

barclay wtf does that mean?????

"i'm still figuring out the idioms!" aww baby

i cannot tell if this is in character duck not wanting to show the list or ooc justin not knowing what locations they have as options and trying to prompt griffin to tell him

okay, it's ooc then lmao

"dessert is super sweet so it's got two s's" i am legit going to use that to help me remember how to spell that

i fucking love this bit omg

duck my baby i love you so much

i'm just imagining aubrey just staring at these two dumbasses like "wft are we doing here"

this final battle is sounding so promising

DUCK DO NOT TURN THIS INTO A VORE THING

some what barclay???

oh that sounds fucking cool

THE SLIPPERY CITY

these names are getting more chug-and-squeeze esque by the second

NO! NO!!! THAT IS A BAD, BAD NAME CLINT!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!

SLIDES N' STUFF

KEVIN COSTNER PRESENTS WATERWORLD: THE WET PARK

H 2 WHOA: THAT WAS FUN, THE WATER PARK

i'm screaming this is gonna be so dumb and i love it

"i just remembered my many connections in public works" duck ilu

"this show has gone wildly off the rails" yes but in the best way

ned the bait guy lol

"i actually have an idea" "don't kill him" "alright then i have another idea" clint loves making his characters try to kill npcs doesn't he

"wE got ThIs?" ned ilu

oh snap, i thought that was gonna be the ad break

i am... worried for how this is gonna go

oooh no. this ain't great for ned.

HOW MANY MIDDLE NAMES DOES NED HAVE???

how much research did clint do for this? damn this sounds super convincing

does ned actually have this picture? did ned actually go to ohio state???

ned what is your angle here????? NED WHY ARE YOU SHOWING OFF YOUR STOLEN GOODS TO A COP!?!

oooh this is interesting :o

ned what the heck

i love the dynamic between these two, so chill

every time griffin talks about sylvain as a life source i get mad atlantis vibes, i can't help it, that movie was my childhood

well that's... ominous

god this is making me want to go to water country usa, i haven't been since i was 16 and its super close now that i live in williamsburg

"no idea is bad, it just wasn't good" a u b r e y

good plan, like this plan

IS THIS A MIDI FILE OF THE PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN THEME??? I LOVE YOU GRIFFIN MCELROY

"well. shit." aubrey is a child of my own heart

yikes these are some bad rolls today boys

aww, this is cute

"that's worse in some ways" holy shit

... does duck have the gettysburg address memorized???

i love duck so much

we are never gonna learn ducks real name are we

PIDGE :D

aaah, that's why it was a day late, e3

my mind jumped straight to angus when griffin said "the softest dream of the sweetest child"

oooooh this sounds cool

ned the theatre guy

ned wtf are you doing??? NED WTF?????

that's... terrifying

oooh there's that good but creepy music 0n0

i want ned to teach me how to drive

NED YOU ASSHOLE

jesus everyone's rolling beans today

oooh, that's a good word

thank you for saving me a google there griffin 

well that was depressing :T

given the fact that it stopped and entire river i don't think that's gonna be an issue for it aubrey 

yikes, what's up with todd?

oh god its the locker puzzle again

this is... this is gonna be bad

yay! first good role of the ep!

this sounds so cool :o

nice! lots of good info!

oh great, this is bad

AUBREY WHAT THE FUCK

"it is, i say horrified"  

oh jeez, i feel like that's gonna be an issue later

duck... duck you cannot bs this girl. she knows too much.

duck you are madlibsing this alibi so hard

i love you duck holy shit

duck newton, my baby boy, this is so dumb, i love you

oooh snap, this isn't good

final thoughts: i’m so excited for the final battle! the setting they’ve set up sounds so cool and i can’t wait to see how everything plays out. also there were so funny many moments in this that really reminded me of the humor from the later balance arcs and got my nostalgia going, i love these good good boys :)

[rogue-rook]

many many highlights from The Crystal Kingdom from a first-time TAZ listener

featuring some bits from the Lunar Interlude II: Internal Affairs

travis: “it was streaming on witch. that’s like magical twitch!”

SWEET ANGO HAS RETURNED!

i cannot believe griffin went to the EFFORT of making a fantasy costco jingle

the lockpicking garden gnome called the Nitpicker that insults the damn party is a beyond brilliant object for sale at the fantasy costco

I really want to lodge a complaint with the HR department of the bureau of balance on sweet angus macdonald’s behalf bc these grown men are FULL ON BULLYING THIS TEN YEAR OLD BOY GENIUS

so is this new shitty scientist consultant lucas a bigger annoyance than shitty train butler wizard jenkins or does jenkins still retain that title

travis: "anything this touches turns to crystal?" griffin: "yeah, pink tourmaline" travis: "yeah, I'm not gonna say that, because I'm an adult"

CAREY FANGBATTLE is like on par with Jess the Beheader in terms of Cool Names

griffin: “so the three of you are currently sitting in a gondola, which is another word for a little boat” travis, singing: “the more you knoooowww”

“so it’s made of crystal, right?” “yes, everything is crystal” x1000000

the crystal kingdom song is beautiful

griffin: “you see a sign that says The Magical World Of Elevators” justin: “griffin's really stickin it to the people who say he's not allowed to have elevators in this game”

today in failed brand marketing: “Upsy, your lifting friend”

this arc is ACTUALLY set up like a video game level puzzle, when griffin says “ah, you’ve solved my crystal puzzle” it will actually apply

clint: “I rolled a 4 but I get another roll...a 5″ travis: “wow, you're really bad at dnd”

merle: “I'm gonna use Banishment on the cockroach” griffin: “okay, you're just gonna yell GET OUT OF HERE COCKROACH, I DONT LOVE YOU ANYMORE”

magnus is being fucking mean to lucas, the genius inventor, and he’s been a TOTAL DICK to sweet boy genius detective angus macdonald, and i feel like pointing out that he was WAYYY nicer to shitty evil wizard train butler jenkins who beheaded a guy with a teleportation door

griffin: “one of the signs is labeled Radiation Ventilation Maintenance Chamber, and the other is labeled Lil Genius BuddyBot R&D" travis: "I feel like this is a trick” clint: “I feel like griffin has been playing Fallout”

I LOVE HODGE PODGE THE LIL GENIUS BUDDYBOT!!! EVEN IF HE TURNS OUT TO BE EVIL, THE SOUND OF HIS VOICE MADE ME LOVE HIM PRETTY INSTANTLY AND NOTHING CAN CHANGE THAT

hodge podge: “magnus! merle! take-o” goddamnit griffin

justin: “can we just put the stone of far speech in front of the robit and griffin, you can just talk to yourself?”

hodge podge is exactly the kind of unsettling demon robit with a mostly-adorable voice, except for when he goes demon-y, that I expected from griffy

justin: “my character taako has innate skills in: investigation, nature, history, religion, arcana, and religion” so is he double good at religion then

taako: “okay, I got a question for you: who....do we work for?”

lucas: “hey, are you just mean to everyone?” THANK GOD SOMEONE VOICED THIS LEGITIMATE FUCKING CONCERN, THE GRUBBY GRIFTERS ARE MONSTERS

clint: “I look up what scrumbled means” griffin: “justin said that in a Monster Factory once and I’ve been using it like it’s a real word” justin: “I am the lewis carroll of my generation”

noel the friendly medic robit’s voice started at vaguely-angus like and then became straight up country southern and i really hope somebody calls griffin on it

i really think griffin introduced the nitpicker so he could have a way of introducing his own critiques of his dad and brothers’ dnd skills

the little compact mirror has some shit in it that i think must be important

there’s a rift in space and time and pink tourmaline is coming out of it and the damn song is super ominous and making me MEGA NERVOUS and honestly i don’t know what the flying goddamn fuck is happening but i am SO INTO IT

lucas: “you’re just yelling hugbears at me” magnus: “BUG! HEARS!” “what” “what”

so is lucas just like holding these poor bugbears in fucking slavery

the grubby grifters discover the tourmalined body of boyland and magnus asked if he can DESECRATE THE GODDAMN BODY OF HIS TRAGICALLY DECEASED COWORKER

griffin: “these two figures are just taking these ice robits to Fool School”

awww they’re gonna fight one of my favorite little creepy crawlies! human sized tardigrades that will absolutely fuck their shit up!!! so cute

griffin: “you’re so loosey-goosey with your possessions! ‘hi scuddle-buddy! bye scuddle-buddy! go get on that train to hell!’”

clint/merle’s immediate panic when they decide the only option here is to CHOP HIS GODDAMN ARM OFF

killian, after picking lucas up: “THIS HAS BEEN THE WORST SHITTIEST DAY EVER, WE ARE TWO PEOPLE DOWN, YOUR LAB SUCKS!!” #relatable, I feel u killian

during this arc the mcelboys keep talking about how they don’t remember shit from the beginning of the show bc that was two years ago and im like what? what? that was three days ago, friends!! its bc ive binged this shit in under a WEEK

merle basically has a plant fetish okay, that’s the only reason this soul-wood shit worked

griffin: “it actually curls up and gives you a thumbs up as if to say 'hey! I'm your arm now!’”

so like this planar system shit is probably important, right

this parseltongue motherfucker that’s like fucking haunting the grubby grifters needs to start explaining what their whole, like, DEAL is

this Red Robe dude is having a FREAKOUT over the damn umbrella and im like mmmmm maybe taako shouldn’t have just taken the damn umbrella, no questions asked

killian’s scanner is having a major freakout over a lich being present and im like, yeah, its the fucking umbrella, yall

oh, real quick, the mcelboys gotta pause the action to whine at each other about character voices

killian: “I am going to ABSOLUTELY murder that man” yeah, killian remains the most goddamn relatable npc in this fucking world

i sure hope The Adventure Zone Zone doesn’t have any super important info in it, bc im not gonna listen to the mcelboys talk about the maxfun drive from two fucking years ago

the crystal golem just called the grubby grifters bounties, and said it was time for noelle the friendly medic robit and the grubby grifters to all go back to the astral plane and im like WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? GRIFFIN! WHAT?

OH FUCK ITS BEEN KRAVITZ THIS WHOLE GODDAMN TIME!!!!! KRAVITZ!!!!!

griffin: “a D6 is like a dice-ass-dice! that's like some monopoly shit!!”

kravitz: “i don’t even know how that even worked, like with physics”

taako: “luke! use the fork!” merle: “the fork will be with you, always”

magnus: “I want to roll an investigation check on noelle...I rolled a 2″ griffin: “okay well you know noelle is a robot”

YALL!! SHITTY TRAIN BUTLER WIZARD JENKINS AND MAGIC BRIAN THE GERMAN MORON BOTH CAME BACK!!

magic brian the german dumbass: “i had an invitation to my wedding for you, and instead of RSVP-ing, you murdered me!”

travis: “when you say they evaporate, do they go back to heaven or hell or the after plane, or whatever, or are they GONE?” griffin: “it kinda seems like you obliterated their soul. kinda seems like you just kinda ERASED them” travis: “you know, at the end of day, I punch people, but dad unmakes their existence, who's the real monster?”

the fact that noelle died in phandolin when the grubby grifters and gundren rockseeker turned the whole town to glass is so goddamn fucking tragic, THANKS GRIFFIN!!!!

lucas miller: yet more proof that dickin around with science and magic and mad scientist shit is always gonna end badly for everyone

kravitz: “taako, you’ve died eight times”...[...]..”magnus, you’ve died 19 times”...[...]...”merle highchurch, the richest bounty i have ever hunted, you have died 57 times” WHAT?? WHAT? WHAT???? WHAT???? GRIFFIN!!??? WHAT????

THIS STORYLINE IS LIT

griffin: “a legion of ghosts” justin: “great”

i think both griffin and I have forgotten that carey fangbattle and killian are in this scene. also merle has had a soul-bond wood arm this whole time

the grubby grifters beat a goddamn LEGION of ghost robits, or ghrobits, and then kravitz slides back into the scene all like “uh, hey, assholes, thanks for saving me, I’ll make up some legal loophole bullshit to thank you” that’s not a direct quote, that’s me editorializing. i fucking love kravitz

taako: "they found new bodies, just because they're mechanical doesn't mean the life is any less valid - battlestar galactica"

oh fuck magnus got a cheating deck of cards in like episode goddamn THREE and he just whips em out in episode fucking 39 against kravitz

kravitz, massively misunderstanding the assholes he’s talking to: “the rules of nature are there for a reason, so lets just stop running afoul of them, as if this all just funsy-fun make-believe!”

magnus: “kravitz! tell julia I love her” TRAVIS!!!! TRAVIS MCELROY! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO MY HEART!!!

lucas: “you'll never see me again, but if you do, i'll be doing good, and please don't kill me instantly”

justin: “i give angus a thumbs down” motherfuckers

killian: “hell yes! I love this plan! me and carey, and a robot ghost with a gun arm! sounds like a plan!” magnus: “sounds like a spinoff!” killian: “that’s sounds like some torchwood shit!”

davenport the goddamn pokemon

on one hand, I’m really goddamn suspicious that the director isn’t actually destroying the relics but is collecting them for her own gain. but on the other hand, if this turns out to not be true, I will feel bad for suspecting her so hard

taako: “director, here’s the truth. what did you have for lunch on Dec 3 2015? you don’t remember right? that’s when you told us not to talk to the Red Robes. what’s I’m saying is WE FORGOT!”

YOOO THIS EPILOGUE PROPHECY IS SOOOOOOO COOOOOL GRIFFIN!!! WHAT IS THIS!!!! ITS SO GOOD!!!!!!

this was a wild wild wild wild ride and whatever griffin is doing with this story is LIT

[youcoolbaby]

“Please allow me the privilege of telling you the story of the stupidest thing I ever did.

I know what you're thinking. With all the bonehead decisions Clint McElroy has made in his 57 percent of a century lifespan, what could possibly qualify as the stupidest?

I have always wanted a daughter. When Leslie was pregnant the first time, we were convinced she was carrying Megan Elizabeth McElroy. Justin caught us with our pants down when he showed up (when he was conceived too but why share those sordid details). We didn't even have a boy's name picked out. We had it narrowed down to three and he chose his own name there on the scales in the Delivery Room, but that's another column for the future.

Exactly three years later, we were anxiously awaiting the arrival of Catherine Gail McElroy, and surprise, surprise, Travis made an entrance instead. We should have taken that as a sign: Travis ALWAYS makes an entrance.

When pregnancy test No. 3 said: "Brace yourself - here comes another one," I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt it was going to be my little girl.

You see, I had this dream. THE BIG DREAM, I called it. More like a prophecy, really, because I could close my eyes and see it. There we were at her wedding reception, dancing that first dance to "At the Ballet," her dainty feet dodging my big clod-hoppers as we moved across the dance floor. She would look up at me and say, "I love you, Daddy." My heart would do flip-flops just thinking about it. I cherished THE BIG DREAM.

This time we wanted no surprises. We actually had the ultrasound. My lovely swollen wife lay back on the table, the doctor smeared that ice-cold goo across her belly, put the device on her and we looked at the screen and saw my beautiful unborn child.

My beautiful unborn MALE child.

There was no doubt about it, because he turned sideways for a profile shot that left NO question in your mind. (In retrospect: SO Griffin.)

But it was there in that doctor's office that I did the stupidest thing I ever did. For a fleeting nanosecond - I mean less time than a gnat batting an eyelash - I let a teeny-tiny itsy-bitsy look of disappoint cross my face.

And Les saw it.

Dummy, dummy, dummy, dummy.

To this day, I can see the expression on her face. So hurt. Crushed, even. She wanted to see her adoring husband beaming with the happiness that the life he had helped create was indeed there, with a strong heartbeat, and an apparent leaning towards exhibitionism.

But what did Daddy the Dope do? Let her see his molecule of disappointment.

Happily, I can tell you that I never saw that hurt, crushed expression on her face ever again, and the fact that she didn't boot my sorry behind to the curb then and there is indicative of what a remarkable woman she was.

Understand this: I wouldn't change one genetic strand of my three boys. There has never been a father as proud of his children as myself. They are talented, accomplished, funny, intelligent young men who have grown into truly GOOD people. If you know anything about me, through the radio, through these columns or conversation you know how I feel about Juice, Scraps and Ditto. Of all the things I have created in my life, they are the best things I have ever been a part of.

And what do you know: I got daughters after all.

First came Sydnee, super-smart doctor, hilarious podcaster and gifted director of plays. She didn't become my daughter in a delivery room but in a church, when she married Justin, filling a void in his life... and all the McElroys' lives.

The second came through marriage as well, when I married Carol. My stepdaughter Abby is warm and loving, a tremendous mom and a talented photographer. I'm pretty sure she loved me before Carol did. So she is wise indeed.

And now, plans are underway to add TWO more daughters to the roster: two columns from now (Fall of 2013, I believe), I will be writing about the wedding of Travis and his bride-to-be Teresa. This daughter has the biggest, most tender heart of anyone I've ever met in my time on this big blue marble. She is a wonderful actress, and a lifesaver, literally and figuratively. She certainly has saved Travis' life.

And most recently, Rachel stepped into the on-deck circle. Griffin popped the question on one knee, surrounded by red roses and illuminated by Christmas lights, and with the uttering of a single "Yes," she became my next daughter-to-be. She is brilliant, insightful and totally charming. Griffin fell for her the first time he met her, and to be honest, so did Carol and I.

The philosopher Betsy Stutler once told me: "You always wanted girls and now you will have FOUR. You are blessed."

Yes, ma'am I am. On so many levels.

You see, I am already WAY ahead of the game. My BIG DREAM will actually come true four times.

I danced with Daughter Sydnee at her wedding reception. I danced with Daughter Abby at hers. Two down, two to go.

Daughter-To-Be Teresa, Daughter-To-Be Rachel: consider yourselves warned. These big clodhoppers have actually grown over the years.

Just like my love for my four daughters.

AND THE ADVENTURE CONTINUES...”

[nautilusing]

Petals to the Metal is my favorite TAZ arc here’s why:

magnus hacking away at the vines and yelling in the distance while merle and captain captain bane have a gruff off IS JUST THE FUNNIEST MENTAL IMAGE TO ME like of course mag rushes off to go wreck shit with his axe and merle gets caught in a pissing match that is absolutely the least useful expenditure of their time (also in my head taako’s just standing there bored and unimpressed and probably looking at his nails while he drawls out the ‘taako rules’ prompt) it’s the best???

when clint starts talking dirty to the plants and justin’s soul leaves his body

“I die.  I die in fiction.”

trent yelling about his butt and justin fucking LOSING IT in the background

“His name is ELFIS.”

“Everything’s gonna be fiNE.” 

magnus refusing to let the gang dude hold steven

hurley:  “DON’T DO A MURDER.”  the boys:  *literally almost immediately do a murder*

“Prestidigimitation...”

taako’s “I’M A FULLY REALIZED CREATION” meltdown speech which should win nineteen oscars lbr

the fact that if the mad max part of this adventure was movie-fied it would L E G I T I M A T E L Y be just as fucking radical as fury road

I’M DEAD SERIOUS TAAKO FLIPPING THAT BOBSLED WITH MAGIC??????  THE BIG ASS GERBIL WHEEL FALLING OVER ONTO THE OTHER WAGON??????  MAGNUS JUMPING OFF THEIR VEHICLE INTO SWIRLING DUST HE CAN’T FUCKING SEE THROUGH AND LANDING ON THE ONE THAT TOOK MERLE????  GARYL???????????????  GARYL?????????????????????????????????????????  FILM THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  TAKE ALL MY MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

although honestly my favorite part of the race is when the cricket person takes control of taako and makes him LEAP OFF THE WAGON SANS SAFETY HARNESS PRESUMABLY TO HIS DEATH ONLY TO HAVE KLAARG SAVE HIM AT THE LAST POSSIBLE SECOND LIIIIKE AAAAARE YOU KIDDING it gave me eight heart attacks I don’t think I breathed once during it that shit was INSANE it was loco

actually just taako in general during this arc bc he has like ten fucking totally unexpected bamf moments and it’s my everything

HURLEY AND SLOANE LAUGHING AS THEY RACE EACH OTHER it’s just the most wonderful heartbreaking joy-inducing detail in retrospect and this is what I mean when I say griffin is a truly incredible storyteller because it’s the little things like that that take this whole narrative he’s spinning from a silly funny romp to a rich multi-layered character-driven marvel of a story and I love it I love him

MAGNUS AND TAAKO FIGHTING EACH OTHER AT THE VERY END OF THE RACE BC THEY BOTH WANT TO WIN I FUCKING DIED I DIED THEY’RE CHILDREN

the fact that the boys’ clowning around was making hurley laugh through her tears like just end me end my life

the hug.  the safety harness.  “Thanks for everything.”  I’m not kidding I want to die

I don’t even want to talk about “You’re in trouuuuuble...”

actually yes I do it’s all I want to talk about forever for the rest of time because I think about it constantly and it’s just 1000%??? the most devastating thing griffin could have had hurley say in that moment???? and it was the first time this podcast made me FOR REAL cry REAL actual fucking tears and also I think the first moment I realized that this wasn’t just a big goof-fest - that griffin was shaping something beautiful and telling a legitimate dynamic stakes-filled story which honestly blindsided me in the best possible way and did I mention I love him?  all of them.  they’re such a Good. 

the mcelroys are such a goddamn Good