#like not that i wanted any more of either of them on my screen but like what goes on there. and buck's crisis abt whether he tried to kill

[r-eatyourfriends-n]

SMOKED | l.hs 이희승 | Collide pt. 2

bestfriend!heesung x bestfriend!reader

READ PT 1 HERE.

warnings: smut (mdni), pwp (plot's there if you look hard enough), unprotected sex, overstimulation (sort of?), no use of "y/n", light switch!dynamics from both reader and heesung, car sex, unsafe driving lowkey, dryhumping, minor argument, heesung is down bad honestly.

wc: 3.8k

synopsis: days have passed after your first hook up with Heesung, though neither of you have said anything about it. Instead, you continue your search for a good one night stand somewhere else, but your mind and body know where you should be.

a/n: wow! the moral obligation I had to finish this before posting anything else was crazy, but after a huge block it's finally here. If you think this is better than pt1 it's because it is, but it's also because it has been approved by the one and only @molloygendered !!!!! my bestfriend and editor. he wanted to review this again before posting it but I'm a kid on sugar so I held him at gunpoint to approve this. any feedback is appreciated !!! hope you enjoy.

4 unread messages.

sorry to bother u so late

can u pick m up? pls

[Address]

idk if ure awake sorry

Heesung's screen lit up on his desk, breaking his focus from the heated game in front of him. He unlocked his phone, the other hand still gripping the controller tightly. His eyes moved quickly from the texts popping up and then back to the screen, which nearly got him killed. 

The team won eventually, but just barely. Heesung logged out as soon as it was over. He spent the whole time wanting to check his phone.

“Dude, what the fuck are you doing?”Jake yelled at him through the call. “We almost lost."

“My bad. Gotta go,” he said in a monotone voice, showing no remorse as he hung up the call despite Jake's groans.

He looked back down at his phone and texted back a short "omw" before getting up from his chair, stretching his arms. His bones cracked, so loud it made him wince at the sound.

With quick steps, he changed into something a bit more decent, just a plain white t-shirt on top of his cargo pants, which had been slowly losing their black tone after each wash. The chains on his thick belt dangled as he walked out of his room and began to head out of his apartment, taking his keys from the cat-shaped key holder you had put on his wall. He had been surprised the first time he hung his keys and a white cat popped up. It was supposed to be a prank, but Heesung never found it in him to take it off despite the fact that it didn't match with the overall vibe of his room one bit. The kitten disappeared inside the box as he left.

The distance to your location was short, or perhaps Heesung was driving a little too fast. Either way, he arrived about fifteen minutes after telling you that he was on his way to pick you up. He parked in front of a small, black gate which led to some stairs. The complex seemed fairly little, but somewhat cozy, with small balconies filled with pots and all kinds of houseplants. Although it was past midnight and dark, he could still make out the colors of the flowers that were placed by the edges of the windows, leaves moving along with the wind.

Leaving the car on, he hopped out, leaning back against  the driver's door to wait for you. Admittedly, it was ill-intended. He hoped your date would see him and would be thrown off. 

The wait felt like eternity. When the door opened, your figure finally appeared in a white dress with black dots, just a bit above the knee. The cleavage allowed for the black choker to stand out, your name's initial dangling softly. Heesung had always wished it was an H instead.

You smiled at Heesung when you saw him, tilting your head in confusion because why was he out of the car? Heesung smiled back at you, a soft beam on his lips. Then looked to your side when a boy appeared next to you.

He eyed your guy up and down as he said goodbye to you. He was tall like you liked them, with flawlessly tan skin and a face that was nothing short of charming, with a sort of boyish appeal to him, and it was obvious why you had said yes to a date in the first place. Heesung swallowed hard, his own jealousy burning down his throat.

You didn't seem too enchanted by the guy, though, looking almost uncomfortable as he leaned in to kiss your cheek. You fake-giggled (at least, he thought you did) and grinned at him politely before making your way to Heesung. The guy appeared to be a little turned off by you getting picked up by another man, for he did not take his eyes off of Heesung as he walked to the passenger's seat to open the door for you, a gesture that you were used to. Before hopping back in, Heesung winked at him, a smug grin forming. After that, you two were off speeding down the road. He'll take the long way home, he decided.

“Thanks for picking me up,” you broke the silence after a few minutes of driving. “You didn't have to wait outside though, it's freezing.” 

"I was trying to scare him off,” Heesung chuckled, a half joke that managed to pass as just something playful, making you laugh and hit his arm.

“I don't think he liked that,” you said after your laugh subsided.

“I think it was you who didn't like him.” 

You went silent for a bit, sulking on your seat.

“So, how was it?” 

“I liked him,” you mumbled, biting your lip in thought. “It was good, yeah.”

“But?” Heesung inquired, raising an eyebrow.

“I guess I was hoping for something more... intense?”

Heesung turned his face, pretending to check something on the rearview mirror so that you wouldn't notice him biting his lip. He hoped you were referring to him, about the intimate moment you two had shared a few nights before, about the bite that was still decorating your shoulder so beautifully. A purple light enough to resemble a bruise; poor clumsy you, tripped and hit yourself with his mouth.

“Intense how?” he asked.

“To hell if I know,” you shrugged.

He furrowed his eyebrows, glancing your way quickly. 

“You clearly do know.” 

“I don't. If I did I would tell you, Hee,” you said, confused.

“Like how you told me you were off to see another douchebag?” Heesung spat. 

His words made you quickly turn your head. And although he wasn't looking at you, you knew he could feel your glare burning through his skin. The sudden change in attitude had been nothing short of baffling. He seemed to keep his eyes on the road to avoid your stare rather than for safety. You couldn't tell if bouncing his leg was anger, anxiety, both, or something entirely different.

“How do you know he was a douchebag?! I told you it was fine!” you whined.

“Did he even make you come?” he asked. 

You opened your mouth to fight back, but the only sound that came out was your breath hitching. It had been such a simple question, but it ignited the memories of your one time affair with him. The soft promises, the surpassed expectations, the sweet, sweet release. Your body began to tingle in the places where his hands had lingered, and you found yourself shuddering on the seat. Of course Heesung had asked that, while knowing your answer, too.

“Sex is not all about that.” you said finally, voice low with uncertainty. 

“Oh, so that's why you fuck every idiot with a mushroom cut.” Heesung mumbled.

“What the hell is your problem? You don't even know him!” your ears rang as your voice raised in pitch.

“Oh I know him; clerk job moron who thinks sticking it in is enough.”

You tried to ignore the fact that he was a receptionist at your esthetician’s clinic who you happened to make conversation with during a long wait. He had been bold enough to ask you to grab dinner and two days later you were kissing in the elevator of his one-bedroom apartment. 

That kiss had set your expectations through the roof, hoping that you had landed your perfect match. And it had been nice, sort of, but not like you had wished for, or had imagined. The way you had envisioned things and the way said things happened were complete opposites. Maybe it had been your fault for already having something in mind.

The conflict his words caused reflected in your face, a turmoil evident as you stumbled out your next words.

“I still don't understand why it bothers you so much. I know I'm sleeping with a bunch of idiots.” 

“You're hellbent on letting these assholes touch you.” he grunted.“ I can't stand it, I don't get it. It's pointless, it's…”

You were barely able to make out the words; he was just rambling, or so you concluded.

“How is that your problem?” you cut him off, bringing him back from his thoughts.

Only then, Heesung realized the slip up. Yes, you were right, and regardless of how close the two of you were, it was ultimately your call who you slept with, which bothered Heesung to no end. Why were you so against calling him again? Why didn't you ask to have sex again? Why did he finally have you, only for you to slip through his fingers? 

He hoped you hadn't caught onto it, but you knew him too well not to. Everything made sense after; his seemingly sudden offer, waiting for you outside of the car, this angry fit.

“I said, how's that your problem? What about it?” you pushed, in response to Heesung's answer, which had been silence.

“You can do so much better than that.” he finally said.

“So,” you smiled at him. “Think you can be my better?”

Heesung pulled the car over, so quickly your body flew towards the door, and he almost hit his chest with the steering wheel. His grip on it was tight, and he began panting. You thanked god about the empty, dark road, otherwise it could've ended in a nasty crash.

Both of your eyes meet, his pupils blown out with a hint of a gleam in them. There was hope, a tad bit of anger, and an undeniable desire. His hands were twitching, itching to touch you, and you didn't remember ever feeling so wanted.

Heesung's gaze slowly drifted to your lips, almost involuntarily. Your mouth fell open to breath, uneven and quick. The car was cold, but your temperature went up like a fever.

“Are you going to kiss me?” 

His gaze met yours once more. “Can I?”

You nodded. It was all he needed to pull you in, holding your face with both hands as gently but firmly as he could. Afraid, in a weird way, that you would disappear if he let go. That this was all a sick dream from his hungry mind and that he was soon to wake up alone, in bed, with you far away from his grasp.

Despite how much he wanted to keep it slow, the kiss was just plainly instinctual. It had started soft, as if he wanted it to last forever, which he did. Then it was relentless, like nothing was enough, with your faces pressed so tightly together that you almost felt you couldn't breathe properly. Heesung allowed you a few seconds of air before he was onto you again.

It was hard to keep up with him, but you managed, because this was what you wanted anyway. It was hard to tell if you would ever get to feel something like this again; the desperation, your blood pounding in your ears from the anticipation before he made the move, and your whole body shaking in excitement as if it had a memory of its own, and could recognize the touch. 

“Backseat,” you muttered between kisses. 

He heard you, loud and clear, he just couldn't stop himself. He wanted more. Heesung wanted to do so much with you, and to you, that he was unable to do anything at all. He couldn't bring himself to separate his mouth from yours despite needing the air, and his hands roamed mindlessly and only for the sake of getting a feel. The once deliberate and calculated Heesung was now a wreck in your hands, melting in the heat like a popsicle. Sweet.

But you really had to pull him off, otherwise you'd turn blue. Your nails scratched his scalp as you yanked him back, making him whimper in the process. The way he looked burned in your memory; eyes half-lidded, lips pink and swollen, parted, panting. Even with his eyes nearly closed, you could see his darkened eyes.

“I said backseat, Heesung,” you repeated, letting go of his hair. “Do you want to fuck me or not?” 

In every single position there was. Fingers, tongue, cock, he wanted to give you everything and more, so he scrambled to the backseat as you had ordered. 

This is who you were; demanding and controlling. That one time he manhandled you? Only that, a one time thing, now you wouldn't give in so easily. Not after the little jealousy number he pulled, at least. You weren't all that resilient yourself, but you would drag it as far as you could.

Heesung thought that he had chosen the worst type of clothing possible. Had he kept the sweatpants instead of changing into something else, then maybe the friction would've been more bearable. The rough material of his pants brushing against his cock made him groan whenever he slightly shifted. And when he finally found comfort, you seated yourself on his lap and grinded, hard. 

“Ohfuck,” he whined, his hands flying to your hips to find some leverage. His nails dug into your sides. “You're gonna— I'm not gonna last.” 

You grinded down again. And again, until you set your pace, ignoring his cries. The nails trying to claw at your skin drove you further despite the sting. As much as he tried to slow you down in the name of ‘lasting longer', he still thrusted his hips up to meet you halfway, though his eyes were tightly shut, and lips pressed in a straight line.

“Please, please baby, I don't wanna come yet, please.” 

“Did I just hear The Lee Heesung begging?” 

He looked up at you, teary eyed. His bangs were stuck to his forehead, as sweat had already begun to drip from his hair. That had been enough of an answer.

Yes, you had. It had been about the hottest thing you had ever heard as well. Usually confident Lee Heesung, always took the lead Lee Heesung, would rather die than humiliate himself Lee Heesung, whining and whimpering about coming too fast after some kissing and humping. That same Heesung that had been able to get not one, but three orgasms out of you before even getting close. It was a sight to see.

You stopped, and Heesung sighed in relief, although the calm didn't last long. As a smirk formed on your lips, his eyes grew panicked. 

“If you come, I'll leave this car,” you said, rolling your hips again.

“No, no, no, no, no,” he whimpered. He squeezed his eyes shut again, the shape of his fingers imprinting onto your skin. Back then, when the two of you first had sex, this was the reality of what Heesung felt, even when he did a good job at not letting himself seem so desperate. 

He'd be damned if he looked like a loser in front of you, or so he thought. Because now that your wet underwear was soaking his pants, he was a mess. A hard, pathetic mess, desperately trying not to burst in his jeans from having you on top of him.

You yourself didn't believe you could keep torturing him, only because you were also torturing yourself in the process. His hard length along with the rough fabric of his pants brushed against your clit in a way that sent jolts through your body. It was harsh and uncomfortable while still feeling good enough not to stop.

Heesung's hips twitched with a mind of their own, searching for release against his wishes. You halted, leaning your body back to unbuckle his belt. He groaned at the loss of contact though didn't complain any further, and instead helped you get rid of his restraintments quicker. His breath ghosted over your skin as he sighed in relief, which made you shudder. 

His fingers went down to tease you under your dress, rubbing over the wetness seeping through your panties, and even with the layer in between, he could feel his fingers dampen. Heesung continued until you were left whining and attempting to grind your hips harder onto his hand. Only then did you feel him push the fabric to the side, and the tip of his cock pressed against your cunt.

After Heesung had you the first time, he knew that he couldn't let you go. Days went by where he would still feel your lips against his; the skin of your thighs, hot and sweaty, burning his cheeks as you closed your legs around his head while you came on his tongue. Not one day went by where he didn't fantasize about pushing himself inside you, and in some dreams, he would just stay there. 

But nothing was able to prepare him for when it actually happened. He thought the desperate way in which you lowered yourself on his cock might be too much for you. In reality, it was almost too much for him, as it forced a deep moan from his throat.

It was a little painful, walls tightening and loosening around him to accommodate the quick stretch, though the sting was worth Heesung's debauched expression. You wondered why,despite the uncomfortable, small space, it felt so much better than the first time. Maybe it was how much both of you had seemed to crave it, or the car forcing even more proximity between you two, as the things you could do were limited. Regardless, you could feel your lower region sticky and warm with the slick that had, apparently, dripped out of you and spread around your thighs and ass. 

You could barely hear your over breathing over Heesung's heavy one. His hands massaged the skin of your waist where he held himself, mostly to ground himself to earth, or so you guessed, because he looked completely gone. His cheeks cherry red and his lips a peach pink, and you succumbed to the urge to kiss him. 

This time, it was slow and calculated. He took the time to feel the rest of you, from threading his fingers in your hair, to ghosting his fingers over your spine from under the dress. You didn't fall behind, though, raising his shirt as much as you could to run your nails over your stomach, stopping to feel his muscles tense beneath your hands as you began to move your hips.

“Slow, baby, please,” he breathed out, it came out way more high pitched than he intended to. 

As much as you wanted to keep messing with him, the world had seemed to fade away, leaving you two alone with the car and the small piece of road that you were parked in, and you didn't feel like breaking the moment just yet. You placed your hands on his shoulders for better stability, and rested your forehead on the crook of his neck.

Whispers of praises poured from his lips. You're beautiful, you're amazing, could stay here forever, and another handful that got lost between all the shit's and fuck’s that also came nonstop. He followed all of his words and phrases by kissing your neck, sometimes even biting. You might find a mark when you look in the mirror, but you cared little about that. Instead, you decided to leave a mark of your own, sucking and biting on the most visible place that you could think of. That's when he began to meet your movements, thrusting up messily in an attempt to pick up a pace. 

“Say you're—,” he gulped, interrupting himself. “You're mine.”

“Always have been,” you smiled against the light red bite mark. 

Your voice as you rode his cock kept driving him closer to the edge. Every moan and whine just made him go faster, having already been close to his orgasm from the grinding before. And as you grew tired, it felt as if he was regaining some form of control. Heesung smirked when you laid, practically limp, against him, allowing him to set the speed that he wanted. He remembered that he loved being in control as much as he had loved giving it to you.

“F-faster,” you pleaded lowly.

Heesung pouted, even when you couldn't see him. “No manners, sweetheart?” 

Most likely, you were about to pay a small price for threatening him to leave. 

You swallowed, so loud you were sure he had heard. “Please.” 

“What? I didn't hear you.” 

“Go faster, Hee, please!” you nearly yelled. It had been hard to get the words out after getting him where you wanted.

“There we go!” 

Were you being pushed down on his cock or was he pushing up into you? By this point, you weren't really sure. What you were certain about, though, was that he reached wherever you needed him to, and the squelching sounds were at its loudest.

“Was he good like me?” Heesung asked, grunting through his teeth. “Were you thinking about me while he fucked you?”

He wasn't expecting to get answers, and he didn't. You were too focused on the feeling of your body overheating from the inside out, and all of your muscles tensing. Your walls clamped around him involuntarily as pushed you closer to the orgasm that you had been chasing since the beginning of your date a few hours ago.

Heesung wanted you to finish first, he truly tried, but there was no way to stop the waves of pure pleasure that hit as he came, and the fact that he got to come inside of you just made it hit harder, and you had to help him ride out his climax because he really couldn't move, just kept himself there with his brows furrowed.

You were close as well, so you didn't really stop despite Heesung reaching his orgasm first. Even through his over sensitivity, he helped you reach your own high. He sneaked his hand between your bodies to rub messy circles on your clit. You kept it slow on him, but he went fast. 

It didn't take long for you after that. Feeling you on his cock as you orgasmed almost made him hard again, if it wasn't so late and you hadn't been going at it for what felt like forever—not that he was complaining—. He got to watch your face contort into pure pleasure, better than any daydreams.

Heesung pressed his forehead against yours, unable to do anything other than show you something, whatever that something was. It lingered in the air, in the way he looked at you through his teary gaze. He kissed you, slower than ever before.

Whatever was going through his mind was deeper than lust, you could feel it in the way his lips moved so softly against yours, holding your face with both hands. You wondered if he knew that you didn't plan on slipping away again.

[dangermousie]

I was chatting about this with a mutual and it made me want to expand this because I've been thinking about this for a bit on and off.

I think the disconnect/arguments between people who watch/read books/shows/movies etc, label things as green flag/red flag and complain when there are "problematic" characters or "dynamics" - both in terms of the narratives and people who enjoy these narratives being targets and people who like me love some intense/fucked up/weird stuff is because these two groups of people approach fiction in two fundamentally different and incompatible ways.

The former view it as a sort of aspirational content or self-insert - they want to watch/read about people/lives/situations they would enjoy being in/with in real life. It's sort of a self-insert wish fulfillment, the way other people watch youtube channels about traveling the world or cooking or home decorating - you imagine yourself in this.

And I think this is where the disconnect comes in - because a decent chunk of them assume everyone else uses fiction for the same reason so if you enjoy e.g., watching a dysfunctional relationship or a bad dude/lady or some world set up that is nuts it's because you think this is all great in real world and that you want to be (or be with) with a problematic partner/in problematic situation and you think it's morally worthwhile.

To that former "aspirational" type of fiction consumer, fiction taste = morality.

But the disconnect is that for that latter "we like fucked up/dark/problematic/intense/whatever" group it's not really about aspiration or self-insert. People didn't love Hannibal because they secretly long to run off and cook humans in a stew. The fans of 2ha don't really want to kidnap their hot teacher and keep them as a sex slave in a palace. Harem dramas aren't popular because women are dying to poison and frame others to get to sleep with a fat old powerful megalomaniac. Most of consumers of mafia romances don't really think it's a great idea in real life to be taken against your will by a hot killer with abs who can't control himself around you and is great at forcing you into orgasms against your will.

That latter group (among which I find myself) likes all that stuff precisely because it's nothing they have or want to have in real life. It's a safe way to explore fantasies that would not be great in real life (I assure you most people who have noncon fantasies don't want to be raped in real life; also in real life no most people don't want to bang a buff but super murdery villain; fiction is a safe place in a way) but also to explore situations and interactions and characters you would never want to in real life from the safety of the page/screen. To use a very easy example - think of the large audience of action movies. I am pretty sure most fans of action franchises don't want to be in car crashes/insane chases/explosions/etc. Any more than roller coaster enthusiasts want to actually be thrown upside down for real or horror movie fans want to either chase someone with an axe or be chased with one. I myself love really intense situations in fiction, ones that push characters to their limits and sometimes beyond, but I cannot imagine anything less pleasant to go through in real life.

Unlike with the self-insert group, this is actually the very opposite. It's like a game of what-if, a glimpse into an alien world fascinating precisely because of its difference with my life. An exploration of aspects of life/relationships that one could never safely or happily do in one's life but are interesting at a safe fictional remove.

This is getting repetitive so I am going to stop but I really do wish more people would understand that enjoying X in fiction does not mean enjoying X in real life (or approving of X in general.) I mean, I love period epics but you'd pry antibiotics and rule of law out of my cold dead hands.

The moral panic over fiction reminds me both the old "video games make you into killers" panic of a few decades ago and the much older belief that reading novels would wreck morals of society especially by those weak women since the novels' (lack of) morality would warp them. Most people have brains and use them and can distinguish between fiction and reality. I wish people would accept that.

P.S. A corollary is conflation of morality/quality/enjoyment. By that I mean I wish more people would accept that moral message, quality, and enjoyment of work are all three separate things. You don't need to prove that some fictional piece is immoral and/or badly made to justify you not enjoying it. It can be well done and just not for you. And conversely, you do not need to prove a work having societal value or being high quality to justify enjoying it. It's fiction. Just enjoy it or don't.

[le-fruit-de-la-passion]

Does a bad ending ruin a good story? A comprehensive guide to my feelings on the Arcane finale

*Spoilers for Arcane season 2*

So. You just finished the show, and you're staring at the screen in bewilderment. Perhaps you’re even with some friends, shouting words of confusion to the rolling credits. Try as you might, you can barely hear them, because a single thought echoes in your mind and pushes away any other:

“What the fuck just happened?”

If this happened to you, then boy oh boy, we're on the same boat. If it didn't, well, I'm glad for you friend! We might not have been looking for the same things from this story. But this is my post, meaning I will give my opinions (which are objectively correct because this is my blog and I'm the mayor here) on everything that Arcane broke and failed to deliver in its last 2 episodes.

Let's start with characters, and why none of it mattered.

Jinx symbolized the fear we all have of not belonging somewhere, of not having anything to call home or anyone to call a family. Her anger stemmed from wanting to carve a place in a society and a world that had so harshly rejected her (i.e., Vi leaving her). Her existence was a huge middle finger to all that refused to let her live, a fight to build herself something wholeheartedly hers (hence her being an inventor). It was proof that despite the world telling her she was better off dead, she would never stop fighting to prove it wrong.

… and she died.

She died, and that means all the suffering she went through to exist simply amounted to nothing. She left nothing behind either, no trace of a legacy, something that would have left her mark on that world. Isha, the child she raised as a daughter, died. Silco, who she taught love and care to, died. Vander, who she brought back from years of trauma and torture, died. Jinx fought so hard to live, and in the end, it was as if she hadn't lived at all.

Viktor is most certainly the character that made me the angriest, because of how attached I am to the person he is in season 1 (and even the first two acts of season 2 to an extent). Everything that made him so beautifully complex… gone, in about 10 minutes. There was NO reason to make him the surprise ultimate villain. Viktor had always, always been a pacificist. That's why he was so adamant Hextech not be used as a weapon. That's why every time there were chances to test hextech to hurt, he tried to learn how it could heal. Yes, his fusion with the hexcore had changed him; but NOT into a man who didn't care for human life. He wanted to help all the hurt done to his people. People like him, living day to day in the undercity, but who had never gotten a chance to crawl out of their hell. His community was about HEALING, not controlling. The very IDEA that he would accept killing innocents and ally with Noxus, the warmongers, is so ridiculous I could genuinely laugh if it didn't make me so angry. The show needed an easy, black-and-white showdown to conclude a story that would have needed so much more time to tell. And they chose Viktor. Because it was the easy way out. It was the perfect foil to the return of the Golden Boy. And that PISSES me off.

There is this really shitty concept in popular media that the handicapped/chronically ill character is always in the pursuit of being “cured” and that they need outside help to realize “that their imperfections make them perfect”. Fuck. You. As someone with chronic illness and who just finished beating blood cancer, fuck you. That realization, that you're you with every part of your being, even the ‘bad�� ones, cannot come from outside. It's YOU who needs to learn it. It's you who needs to discover how your body and your mind are so much stronger than you previously thought them to be. Not your lover, your family, your friends, or God forbid your able-bodied lab partner. You. Others may tell you as many times as they want your illness doesn't define you; it won't matter until you, yourself, have understood why and have accepted it. Having someone swoop in and “fix” Viktor with a “you don't have to change uwu” is just….. so reductive I can barely find the words for it. That was VIKTOR’S path to find, and not Jayce’s role to find it for him.

Also… Viktor wasn't trying to ‘fix’ his leg; he was trying to find a cure to a deadly illness ravaging his body and no doubt the bodies of many in Zaun. The HELL is the message here??? That he should have just rolled with it because the deadly illness was part of him??? Again, as a cancer survivor. Fuck right off.

Of course, I can't just ignore the hideous get-up they put him in at the end. The man who laughed at Jayce's narcissism….you want me to believe… he would put on that fucking edge lord costume and not DIE of embarrassment??? The design makes no sense from a narrative standpoint either: if his cane has become the sceptre, why is he still keeping it? He doesn't need it anymore to walk, and it's a reminder of his weaknesses as a human that he apparently hated so much. Why the hell does he keep it then? And the hexclaw. Where did that bad boy come out from?? Did you all see a secret extra bonus scene where he steals it from the lab, because I sure didn't. It doesn't add anything to his sets of powers either it’s… it's a fucking laser gun. WHY. And oh sweet god that mask… there would have been so many ways of designing a mask more meaningful than the one from LoL. This one is just. A piece of metal he spawned in embryo. Get it? Because he's made of metal now and also hiding his face means no more humanity? Get it?? Of fucking course you do, because this was the easiest and worst possible way they could have integrated the mask.

Viktor and Jayce had a fantastic dynamic in that Viktor had started out as the loner, the underdog scientist from the slums; while Jayce was the leader figure, living in comfort that made him attachingly naive, his face plastered on posters stroking his ego. The shift is delightfully slow, as Viktor gains in confidence and determination to see his invention through no matter what, while Jayce is confronted with harsher and harsher truths about the world he so blissfully ignored. By Act 2, they have fully switched roles: Viktor is now the leader figure, a symbol of the future for the people, while Jayce is desperately alone, both physically in the hexcore anomaly, and mentally in being the only one who has seen the devastating future. Excellent stuff. What would be a great way to push these parallels further and to show the complexity of these characters, and perhaps how they can balance each other out? Well, Fortiche sure didn't know, now Viktor is the bad bad guy and Jayce is mister hero. Zaun bad, Piltover good. All nuance, gone. Proving that indeed, the man from poverty and inequality turns out evil, while the one from comfort and wealth turns out to be the hero of the story. The whole “giving a warm speech to the bad villain about how you care for them, somehow immediately changing their ways, and dying together to save the world” can work well in shounen anime where friendship is magic, or in the Ben 10 live-action movie (yes, that's the plot, I thought that wasn't deep when I was like 7 years old so imagine now), but not in a show like Arcane. Not with the ethical and moral nuances they have accustomed us to.

And now, let's explore...

Plotholes and incomplete storylines galore.

Ekko’s tree and the contamination of Zaun from Piltover? Fuck that. The huge showdown between the two opposite yet sister cities, like Jinx and Vi, that has been built up for two seasons? Fuck that. And for what?

For the Noxus sequel teaser.

Mel’s plotline about finding her mage origins had NOTHING to do with the main plot. Absolutely nothing. It added 0 twists or intrigues to the story, and served no purpose except making her a deus ex machina for a broken ending. All it was there for was to lay the base for a following show on Noxus and the Black Rose. Time that could have been spent either giving Mel a proper arc related to the plot, or giving all the other rushed character arcs more development.

Finally, and I deeply regret having to say this, but… the end of Vi and Cait's relationship was majorly disappointing to me. As an LGBTQ+ person myself, who feels attraction to women, it was a delight to have such a realistically portrayed w/w relationship on screen. Popular media tends to portray m/m relationships as these doomed, sinful feelings between two repressed guys, while w/w relationships are shown to just be all sunshine and rainbows and teddy bears, because two women together are a cute little accessory to have on screen. It’s non-threatening. But not Cait and Vi; their bond was raw, and rocky, with violent lows and passionate highs in a world that seemed to want to keep them apart. Their separation and the introduction of Maddie showed the reality of a w/w relationship, where fights and cheating ARE things that happen, because they're two adult women with different beliefs, objectives, an trauma. Putting them back together, as if nothing had happened, without giving us anything about how their relationship would have evolved from the breakup? I'd never thought I'd say this, but it's too easy. How about Caitlyn's literal descent into fascism??? We’ll just ignore that? Vi will just ignore that?

As with everything else, this last part of Arcane destroys all the complex emotions that exist between these characters, the resentment, the anger, the frustration, built upon years of different social conditioning… gone. Because they had 2 episodes left to wrap it up, and there was no way to make a coherent and natural transition to them getting back together with that kind of time. And can I just say. The decision to have Vi, symbol of Zaun, go down on Caitlyn, symbol of Piltover and enforcers, in a prison cell that has held innocent Zaunites and represents their complete lack of freedom as individuals by a cop state that oppresses them….. yeah, bad. So bad.

And… the multiverse. Yup, they went the multiverse route. Now, that's not necessarily a bad thing: the concept of multiverses itself is interesting in a vacuum, and quite a few properties have managed to make it work coherently. But it has been terribly overused and bastardized in serialized content in the last few years, for the simple reason that it's extremely practical. Why make a new, original series when you already have worlds and characters that are developed, and come with built-in fans? It's a money-saving hack! Why dedicate yourself to an ending that is meaningful in its finality and wraps the story properly when you can just say “It's just one ending in the multiverse!”. It takes away any accountability to the fans, and leaves the door open to a potential other version of the story! The perfect combo!

…except in practice, it comes off as lazy in a medium where that trope is overly saturated (don't start me on Marvel), and like a cowardly way of escaping from the responsibility of really taking the time to craft a good, solid ending to end your story.

So, with all that said: does it ruin Arcane for me? No, absolutely not, and I don’t think it should be for you either. The intricate artistry and raw talent that went into making the first season (and I would say a majority of the two first acts of season 2) is undeniable, and will stay undeniable. Nothing can touch that story. It will forever be one of my favourite pieces of animated media, which is saying a lot because I'm currently getting my master's degree on that topic.

However, it does give Arcane, as a whole rather than two separate seasons/entities, a very bittersweet feeling that is hard to forget. Thinking of what could have been, just if a little more time had been given to the minds behind the masterpiece you so loved… it's its own form of heartbreak. Academics have even compared it to experiencing a form of death of a loved one, before they ever got to reach their fullest potential and live the life they deserved. It may sound dramatic, but the feelings you feel in this moment, watching the horrible end of a fiction you have so much love for, are real. No one can take those away from you. You're allowed to grieve the loss of something that meant a lot to you.

Tldr; No, Arcane is not a bad series because of its rushed and incomprehensible ending. As they say, it's all about the journey, not the destination, even if that's one of the parts we tend to remember the most. And I don't know about you, but this was one of the best journeys I've ever been on.

[sk-touchthesun]

It has been a bit over a month since the first time I watched Dead Boy Detectives and I now have watched it from start to finish four times. Oops. I don't know how that happened—I certainly wasn't prepared for this level of love for a series.

Since I haven't really been in any fandoms or tumblr in, like... ten years or whatever, I wanted to write about why I fell in love with Dead Boy Detectives when I saw the series for the first time. I don't know if anyone's interested in reading a long-ish post, but in case you are, buckle up because this is going to be pure love and positivity from start to finish. It's mainly about Edwin and Charles, though.

I started watching the show without any background information and never having seen the Sandman either. I rotate streaming services and it was Netflix's turn. I read queer fiction quite a lot and watch queer movies and series as a hobby, and remembered someone mentioning Dead Boy Detectives.

The beginning on the series was intriguing enough already, but it was during this scene that I knew I was going to watch the entire thing:

This leads me to the reason I love the series so much: the carrying force of the story is the love Edwin and Charles have for each other, be it platonic or romantic. I'm a sucker for themes like found family and being loved as your authentic self because that's something I crave. I have always been more or less lonely because of social anxiety and struggling with social situations. Perhaps that's why stories containing those themes have such a profound effect on me each time.

Of course, the way the series combines elements of horror and comedy with heartwarming and wholesome sweetness is delightfully refreshing in itself. Dead Boy Detectives kept me glued to the screen so that I finished it in a day the first time I watched it. However, the characters are what makes the show so brilliant. I think the cast in general is phenomenal, but it's the love between Edwin and Charles that I felt most while watching.

This obviously is where I have to praise George Rexstrew and Jayden Revri for their acting. I think it's largely thanks to them that I love Edwin and Charles so much. Their characters' chemistry and the fond way Edwin and Charles interact with each other in the series is something I felt viscerally right from the beginning. It's obviously ingrained in the overall plot, but the love can also be felt in the smallest gestures. How many shows do you have where your favorite character dying is one of your favorite moments in the series because it's so sweet? (I'm sure you can deduce my favorite character from this...)

Personally, I also think that George Rexstrew and Jayden Revri's acting is particularly spellbinding during the moments their characters break down and show raw emotion. In an odd way the characters' suffering is what makes episodes like The Case of the Devlin House and The Case of the Very Long Stairway so brilliant. The characters' emotions during their most vulnerable moments are so tangible.

I know there has been talk about how season two would look like if the series was revived, and honestly, I think there's one crucial thing that should be kept as it is or the entire thing would be ruined: the carrying force of the show being that Edwin and Charles are willing to do anything to not to get separated.

I can't see any universe where someone becomes more important to the two main characters than what they're to each other. Charles says that Edwin is the only person he'd go to Hell for. We know how Edwin feels. The love is there already. If either of them had a long-lasting romance with someone else, the love interest would get two with the price of one. Equally important? Well—possibly. Love isn't finite. More important? Never.

I'd like to see Edwin and Charles get together, though. They're like an old married couple already and I can't imagine them being together with anyone else in the long run. At least the first season left things open enough for interpretation, with the cancellation and all.

Last but not least, it's a bit crazy that I only saw the show for the first time a bit over a month ago and was ready to splurge on a cameo. It was my birthday during the gameoden week and I got a birthday message! It was very sweet and has cheered me up ever since. I'm not sharing it here because I feel it's a bit personal with my birthday and all, but I loved it.

In case you ended up reading all this, thanks for reading my love letter for the show and the characters and the actors!

[starstruckbyacomet]

On the Break-Up

Tarlos vs Tevan

People had mentioned that Tevan's break-up is similar with Tarlos', which may indicate a reunion in the near future. The only similarity I can think of is that both happened because one half of the pair wanted to move the relationship forward, while the other half was reluctant. On the other hand, I find several differences between the two which are quite alarming:

1)) Rafael Silva was/is a main cast. He wouldn't go anywhere. Lou is just a guest star.

2)) Tarlos is the only queer couple on Lone Star. 9-1-1 OG has already one queer couple: Henren. So far, I haven't found any shows marketed towards the general audience, which have more than one queer couples who got a happy ending.

3)) Both Tim and Oliver agree that Buck is always a bit promiscuous. This trait is even deliberately shown when Buck was tackily eyeing a woman in the middle of his anniversary dinner with Tommy! Neither TK nor Carlos has this trait. During 5 seasons of their up and down relationship, neither TK nor Carlos has ever shown attraction to other people. Tim also posted a video in his Facebook page about how a character shouldn't change so much on a TV show. It could be an indication that he has set Buck as an eternal bachelor, who was destined to always search for love, while bedding multiple love interests until the season finale.

4)) Tarlos' break up didn't feel out of character. Although it happened off screen, and the reason was disclosed much later in the storyline, the explanation made sense. On the other hand, Tevan's break up is out of character for everyone involved:

Tommy used to be very mindful about other people's feelings. In 7x04, he was aware that he had created a wedge between Buck and Eddie, so he visited Buck to clear the air. This Tommy wouldn't get into a relationship, if he knew he couldn't move to the next step.

Buck who had always been clinging and pursuing people who had left him (Abby, Maddie), would not let Tommy go without fighting for their relationship.

Bobby who has said Tommy was good for Buck, and Henren who have questioned Tommy about his intention with Buck, would not standby watching the break up without saying anything to either Buck or Tommy.

5)) Although in the middle of a break up, there was a sense of continuity in Tarlos' love story. We saw both TK and Carlos struggled with the break-up. We saw people around them were concerned and questioning, as if they want Tarlos to be back together. This doesn't happen in Tevan's break up. The only sign that Tommy has been struggling is #TommybubblesBuck. We see mostly only Buck is struggling, while people around him indicate that they want him to move on (by hiding his phone instead of encouraging him to talk to Tommy like an adult!). It feels like the purpose of showing how much Buck has been struggling is to remind the audience that Tommy is as important as Abby for Buck, because Buck was also struggling when Abby left.

6)) Buck didn't even seem struggling while he was interacting with his team or Brad on episode 8x08 "Wannabes". This is different with TK and Carlos who carried their feelings almost all the time during their break-up period.

7)) Overall, the way Tarlos' break up was executed more thoughtfully indicates that it is an important milestone in their continuing love story. Tevan's break-up seemed poorly written and rushly executed, as if just to put a lid on a box. It seemed that the way Tim viewed Tommy is similar like he viewed Gerard and Ortiz: as loose ends from the prior season which need to be tied up asap, before being discarded like used tissues. Tim even preferred to give more attention to Brad Torrence, his shiny new toy. This was not happened in Tarlos break up.

Despite all the discouraging signs, I couldn't put off the tiny hope which is still flickering in my heart. I love Tevan too much, and it feels like I have been fighting more for their relationship than for my own 😅. With all the above signs, I'm afraid that the only chance for their love story to continue is by:

keeping the rating/viewership low until Tevan reunited on screen.

[geospiral]

The stage was always Luka’s world, and everyone else was just living in it.

Luka’s first round in the 50th Alien Stage competition was the fourth round, but really it should have been the second given the predetermined matchups. The Segyein were saving his round for later in order to excite the in-universe audience to the previous winner’s grand return.

(There is no dimmed profile in the second bracket.)

Luka being set up to go against either Mizi or Sua was absolutely intentional; the Segyein knew whoever came out of Round One would be an easy target for Luka’s manipulation, which, in their eyes, would make for a good show. When organizing the rounds, it seems like the Segyein try to go for which setups will elicit the biggest emotional responses out of the contestants. They clearly already knew about Mizi and Sua’s intimate relationship with the fact that the contestants’ profiles are most likely created by the Segyein with little to no input from the humans themselves (probably made with the help of the ever-present camera flowers in Anakt).

(translation)

This would also explain why Sua and Ivan were so certain about Mizi going up against Sua in the competition despite them not being told about the round matches yet.

(Take this with a grain of salt because it is possible they were already told who was against whom before this comic, but given how young they look, I'm thinking that it's probably too early for them to know.)

(translation)

If Luka weren’t in this year’s tournament, they would have probably set Till up against Mizi in Round 5 instead since the Segyein are aware of how much she means to Till. They technically could have still done that with Luka in the competition and had Round 6 be him vs. Ivan, but they most likely didn’t want to save Luka’s signature act until the final round, which the Segyein would have believed themselves to be doing given how they don’t seem to know how important Till is to Ivan (probably intentionally on Ivan's part).

(Text: "Intimacy: 70% It feels like I'm being chased all the time, but I can't find any evidence, so the teachers only suspect me!!! I'm so pissed!! He's always done things I don't like, and I don't understand... Anyway, he's a bother.)

Note: While I think the character profiles were probably made by the Segyein, I don't think the intimacy levels from the artbook are. I'm showing Till's intimacy level for Ivan to highlight his comment about the teachers not believing him when he says that Ivan is constantly following him around.

The Segyein knew the two were friends at least, but that seems about it. Maybe that was enough for them to be a possible sixth round setup if they came out of 2 and 3 victorious, but given the vast potential there was for Luka vs. Ivan after a Mizi vs. Till round, I don't think the Segyein knew the depths of Ivan and Till's relationship and therefore didn't care until it became blatantly obvious after the canon Round 6 and could be capitalized upon for the finale.

From a meta perspective, an Ivantill round was obvious, but my personal opinion is that in-universe I think that matchup was more akin to a happy little accident on the Segyein's part.

This is also all ignoring the huge elephant in the room, which is the Rebellion throwing a wrench into the competition.

I think the biggest change in the direction of the competition (not the results of the rounds but in how the rounds themselves were organized) due to the rebellion was how the Segyein decided to have the finale be mere hours after Round 6. If the fifth round hadn’t been interrupted, I think that the sixth would have been performed right after, like how the first four rounds were. Also, I don’t think they would have tried to aid Luka in his manipulation by throwing up pictures of Ivan on the screens and would have just left him to his own devices like in Round 5. But the Segyein wanted to lure the rebels out to save Till, so basically flashing a big sign that says, "THIS GUY IS MESSED UP FROM THE LAST ROUND AND WILL DIE IF YOU DON'T DO SOMETHING" was probably the best way to do it.

This is all to say that I think it's a lot more interesting if Luka was being set up to be the winner the entire time. Obviously he still had to work for it, but I like the idea that almost everything was set up in his favor; he just had to take advantage of it. The Segyein wanted a good show, and Luka knows how to perform. He did not disappoint them.

[tevanbuckley]

If you could take Tims place for 8b how would the rest of the season play out? Would you put Tommy and Buck back together and if so, how?

oh where to begin...

tbh i think the bucktommy stuff is the easiest to fix, because the biggest problem (outside of needlessly losing an interesting new character) is it puts buck back to square one, so it could be solved by pretty much any variation of them getting back together. personally, i think the cleanest way would be to have tommy reach out after the kidnapping. would that be the most satisfying resolution? no, but it would stick with the theme of tommy showing up for buck and could be nested within the maddie storyline without taking up a ton of limited screen space. then i'd have buck actually think about his sexuality for thirty seconds (and say the word bisexual).

eddie is difficult bc his arc is dependent on how much truth there is to the speculation of ryan wanting out, but either way for the love of god PLEASE bring up shannon! my thing with that situation has always been eddie's refusal to accept that for all intents and purposes he didn't lose his wife, he lost his ex-wife, and i think having him finally grapple with that would be a good way to conclude his arc (whether he moves to texas or not).

athena is...frustrating, i think there's maybe something in her training new recruits. it would certainly give a bit more structure to her storylines than "random cop shit." i know a certain amount of copaganda is inevitable but 911 is especially bad for it (and imo has actually gotten worse over the years), partly because they refuse to take an actual stance (like why tf was the lady who got shot a sovereign citizen? the audience isn't stupid we know that's not the average victim of police violence). in theory the training stuff could help illustrate how policing is rotten all the way down the chain and potentially challenge some of athena's beliefs (i will be shocked if this happens)

for bobby i'd bring back some of the stuff that was touched on last season. he was an active suicide risk for christ's sake and are we really gonna drop all the tragic backstory about his family and then do nothing with it? perhaps his brother reaches out and causes problems or passes away.

madney and henren meanwhile i fear are a bit of lost cause this season. presumably madney is gonna be wrapped up with the kidnapping/pregnancy shit, which again forces chim into the position of "maddie's worried husband," don't get me wrong i think we'll get some stellar acting from kenny (and jlh) but "madney being sad," is not particularly interesting at this point.

similarly all the really juicy stuff with mara/ortiz/gerrard has already been pissed away — could've been especially interesting if hen and chim were still on the outs during the kidnapping but oh well — if tim's serious about wanting to "blow stuff up," one way to do that would be having hen consider a move to captain at another station. which (assuming they get s9) could even facilitate bobby taking a promotion down the line and her coming back to the 118 in his place.

[thatguyisdrowning]

thoughts on arcane season 2

spoilers below

season 2 was definitely giving "trying to wrap up an insanely large cast of characters stories in only 9 episodes" and none of them were really given the care they deserved. it all happened so fast that it was a little confusing at first.

the entire isha thing feels so manufactured. she just appears, "fixes" jinx, then dies/is implied to have died but we don't actually know for certain because we never see her death. and then there's the entire lack of any proper mention of her in act 3. where did she come from? where did she go? where did she come from cotton eye joe? why did warwick survive but not isha if he was the one to actually get shot?

jinx also seemed to mellow out far too quickly, i think if we had a third season and it was spread out more it would feel more authentic. i was expecting her to lose it again in the aftermath of isha's death but she didn't. yes, grief to the point of not caring about herself anymore and just wanting to get vi (the only person she has left) to safety makes sense however it doesn't match up with anything we've seen from jinx in the past. if she'd had a longer time getting to be happy with her family of 4 and healing herself it'd make more sense but she didn't. i think a downward spiral before some sort of realization that she doesn't want to be like this anymore/doesn't want to harm other children like isha/something along those lines would have been more conducive to a well rounded story and conclusion when it comes to the isha/jinx relationship. but for this to happen, we needed more time.

the way jinx's character was written, the way her story played out, it would have made sense for her to take her own life and been a satisfying conclusion. however, because i know she didn't actually die i'm pleased she didn't commit suicide because i like her, her character, her champion, and her story and i want to be able to see more of it all in future projects from riot. and for that to happen the "death" needed to be a little uncertain. the "oh no the metal beam is breaking, guess i better sacrifice myself to save my sister" trope is very overused and hard to do well because of that, but i did like the way they implied jinx was still alive at the end.

jayce and viktor's story was confusing and rushed, while also being the main focal point and the most fleshed out story of the whole show. if viktor knew he and jayce were meant to be together in every timeline, why was he trying to fuck shit up? again, if we had more time in the form of a third season or perhaps longer episodes in season 2, we would have seen their story explored in more depth and had a greater understanding of it.

vi's character was watered down by the inclusion of a single line: "i am the dirt under your nails, cupcake." as something said in passing it wouldn't have held as much weight, but this was one of the last things she said on screen. it essentially boils her character down to nothing but a supporting character for caitlyn when the entire series began and ended with vi and jinx's relationship.

"are you still in this fight, violet?" what fight? against jinx? no, caitlyn seems to have forgiven her and as far as we know vi still thinks she's dead. against noxus? no, mel's in charge (but is she? we see swain make an appearance...) against the undercity? no, they've made peace and sevika is on the council. against singed? no, he's saved his daughter so will live happily ever after now, right? against jayce and viktor? no, they had some weird story conclusion and also died in the astral realm, killing their earthly bodies but realistically they could have survived. i don't want them to have survived, but they could have. all i can think is either she was referring to their relationship OR to their future as enforcers which would make sense in the league lore.

the death of 4 major characters (not including heimer or jinx i'm 100% sure they arent dead) and what it means for the lore and their champions is just??? brushed over??? their champions almost definitely won't be removed but a tiny part of me wishes they would be for continuity and lore reasons.

i wish we were given more insight into what noxus is like now after ambessa's death. mel is seen to be ruling now but in the league lore, swain is the ruler of noxus. it's common knowledge that arcane lore is replacing league lore where necessary/sometimes where it isn't necessary, so it wouldn't make sense but would be easily passed off if we just didn't see any mention of swain, but we do see him (or to be specific, one of his ravens). while i wish we were given some clarity here, i think it was a smart move to not explicity reveal who swain is because to those who know it all but confirms the villian for the next netflix series set in runeterra, but it also leaves the venue open for the story to take an entirely different path, because arcane only fans won't know who he is, and for the league fans it can somehow be passed off as an irrelevant appearance in arcane.

some other points i don't have fully fleshed out thoughts/opinions on:

i would've liked to have seen more of felicia's story

i don't think jayvik should've kissed, the forehead touch was just as, if not more meaningful

the story of singed's daughter wasn't explored as much as it should have been, especially considering it's a huge part of why shimmer was ever created and of the pre-existing league lore

while there are parts of the story i found unsatisfying, i'm totally in love with all of the characters and the artistry. while almost all of the female leads fit perfectly into specific overused tropes, they turned those tropes on their head and executed them well. the women in arcane are attractive but they all have agency. ekko is the best side character ever written. they wrote the "morally grey" characters really well. it's plain to see the writers spent so much time and energy on creating these perfect characters. the artists knocked it out of the park, arcane is the most visually appealing animated show i've ever seen. arcane is a masterpiece in so many ways and i look forward to seeing what's to come :)

if you've read this far, first of all go outside (kidding of course), and second, let me know your thoughts and if you agree/disagree. if you have any theories on what's to come next, let me know!

[wrathofrats]

Seeing Blind (you’re too good to be all mine)

Chapter 6, 4.3k , mature, read under cut or on ao3

(Part 1) (part 2) (part 3) (part 4) (part 5)

A thank you to the ever wonderful @divine-misfortune for being my cowriter

“Swiss, I,” Dew opened his mouth with the partial intent of coming clean but Swiss fixed him with those big brown eyes and his heart cracked. “He seems to get all weak in the knees when you’re bold,” he offered instead and resisted the urge to cringe at his own cowardice with a feigned nonchalance, tossing the crust of his sandwich to a sparrow, “so why don’t you go be bold and tell him how you feel before he’s gone for good. Win him back or get yourself an answer then and there. Get yourself out of this limbo.”

Rain doesn’t leave the house for several days after his talk with Dew. Can’t bring himself to - doesn’t want to face any of them, let alone Swiss.

Hardly manages to leave his room. The dark circles under his eyes are not lost on any of them.

His dad reluctantly knocks on the door periodically through the days, gruff voice gone surprisingly gentle asking if he needs anything. He brings him dinner when Rain is absent from the table. His mother sweeps into his room and opens the drawn curtains in the mornings despite the fact she knows Rain will close them again not long after, always asking hopefully if he’d like to help her in town or baking or something else benign. It’s hard to see her smile falter when he makes up an excuse about needing to read a few chapters of some book or some essay to stay on track with his classes for when he returns to school.

School came more into focus as he wallowed, it was something he could blindly throw himself into. The upcoming semester was steadily approaching and coming to terms with leaving his home, and everyone, behind again was no easy task. Maybe getting away from the mess he’d made was best for him, and everyone else. He was never meant for farm life anyways - his mom always joked that he was born to be a city boy all his life, there seemed to be some truth to that now.

And as his sudden and abrupt absence dragged on, Swiss only grew more confused. It was almost like the few days Rain had avoided him after their first kiss but worse. The farmer’s son had plucked out his heart and ran off with it for real this time, and he wasn’t coming back.

Swiss had gotten a small glimpse of him one afternoon as he was washing the tractor, elbow deep in soapy water with half his shirt soaked. He hadn’t taken his lunch. He hadn’t been taking them for a while, too worried to eat and too guilty to continue the routine he and Rain had fallen into; splitting two lunches between them in the shade of the grain silo, Rain bringing him a cold drink daily and a sliver of whatever his mother might’ve baked on Fridays. The silo was out on the far side of the front yard, far enough from the house Swiss feared he might just miss catching a glimpse of him.

Judging by the slow creak of the back screen door two things were evident; Dew hadn’t oiled the hinges like he’d been asked to last week, and Rain had been counting on Swiss’ absence.

He looked worse for wear. Uncomfortable having to simply exist, but most of all, Rain looked tired. Dead on his feet. Like he’d simultaneously just woken up and skipped sleeping the last few nights. Practically dragged himself across the gravel driveway to the barn where he fought with the heavy wood doors.

Swiss wasn’t sure if Rain was pointedly avoiding looking at him or simply hadn’t noticed the farmhand peeking at him from beside the tire but either way he couldn’t take his eyes off Rain if he tried. Even as he continued to wipe the body down, mindlessly scrubbing the sponge over the same scuffed bit of paint. Seeing Rain hurt but looking away might’ve just killed him.

But Rain did eventually grow wise to the hopelessly yearning gaze cast in his direction. He froze like a deer in headlight, the color draining from his face - Swiss had never seen him paled like that, that soft pink flush had never left his cheeks when they were together. Neither of them spoke. Swiss didn’t call his name, as badly as he wanted to, and Rain didn’t say his in turn. No apology, no explanation, not even offering Swiss rejection. A range of emotions flitted across his face instead, the most prominent being grief and guilt, before he was retreating back to the cage he’d made for himself in that house. Going where Swiss could not follow.

The entire situation plays on repeat in Swiss’ mind. Over and over. He should have just gotten over his nerves, the stupid gentleman complex he had, and fucked him. It wasn’t like he didn’t want Rain, he did. He really did, bad. After all the weeks of constant teasing only to be pushed away and outright denied it only made sense that Rain was avoiding him now - in Rain’s mind, Swiss was either leading him on and playing with his innocent emotions or he didn’t want him at all.

It begins to eat away at him. Wearing guilt like a uniform as he drags himself through the overly long and unfulfilling days. He swallows it down for as long as he can until he simply can’t. Mountain unknowingly puts the crack in the dam, his concern hitting right at the weakest spot. It spills out of him before he even comprehends the words. For the first time, out loud, Swiss admits to his feelings. He’s more honest to him than he’d been ever since he and Rain first kissed. Confesses to just how much time they’ve spent together, and reluctantly tells them about the night that hadn’t left his mind.

”And I kissed him, and it just…We got carried away,” Swiss fidgets with a loose thread on his flannel, one of the buttons barely hanging on. Only when he glances down to the offending button does he realize it’s the dark green flannel he’d draped around Rain’s shoulders to keep him warm once upon a time. It felt like months ago. “Went pretty far and I knew he wanted to take it further but I stopped him.”

”You…Stopped him?” Dew paused, having been fiddling with the tab of his empty coke can as Swiss practically word-vomited on them. ”Why?”

”I don’t really know.” He laughed nervously, an involuntary sound that came out hollow. “He looked like a kicked puppy when I told him I didn’t think we were ready, that I didn’t think he was ready. Fucking hell, I’m pretty sure it sounded like I was handling him with kid gloves or some shit. Probably sounded like I didn’t want him.”

Mountain frowned. ‘The worried mom look’ as they all called it. He glanced sideways at Dew who’d popped the tab off his can finally, and Dew’s stomach sank. He knew exactly what Mountain was thinking - that he’d been right about Rain from the beginning. Nothing but a priss who barely tolerated the lot of them. Someone they should have protected Swiss from more proactively. It made his skin start to itch. Dew needed Mountain to stop looking at him. He needed Swiss to stop looking absolutely devastated.

He’d assumed the worst of Rain and his intentions. That Rain was using Swiss but how could he be using him if they’d never gotten that far? It’s not like he knew at the time - at least, that’s how Dew attempts to justify everything he said but it really doesn’t help. Fuck. Would Swiss understand if he told him? No, no Swiss wouldn’t forgive him for ruining something that affected him this deeply.

Jaw aching, he could feel his anxiety driven heartbeat in his clenched teeth. His molars might just crack, or he would. Something had to give.

Dew stared into his lap and shifted the food packed in his lunchbox like he was looking for something in particular despite the way his appetite had curled up and died. Swiss and Mountain continued to discuss, trying to find the root of the problem unknowingly sat uncharacteristically quiet three feet away. Every heartbroken word from Swiss was another nail in the coffin Dew dug for himself. The path to hell was always paved with good intention.

“You did what you thought was best, maybe you weren’t ready either.” Mountain flicked Swiss’ hand away from his flannel before he could actually tear the button off. “If he’s truly that upset then he needs to talk to you about it, not lock himself away. He will realize what he’s lost at some point.”

A chip fell out of the bag Dew was holding before he finally sighed and threw the rest to the birds. Salt and grease wouldn’t help him swallow this any easier, truth be told, everything was just helping to turn his stomach further. The truth sat like a lump in his throat, begging to be released. He just couldn’t decide if it was better to come forward and confess or pray Rain never divulged the things he’d said to him. Neither would play out well for him, he was more than aware. Dew was also aware of the fact Mountain wouldn’t save him from the consequences of these particular actions, might even turn a blind eye when Swiss inevitably jumps him with every ounce of bottled up hurt behind his closed fist.

“Swiss, I,” Dew opened his mouth with the partial intent of coming clean but Swiss fixed him with those big brown eyes and his heart cracked. “He seems to get all weak in the knees when you’re bold,” he offered instead and resisted the urge to cringe at his own cowardice with a feigned nonchalance, tossing the crust of his sandwich to a sparrow, “so why don’t you go be bold and tell him how you feel before he’s gone for good. Win him back or get yourself an answer then and there. Get yourself out of this limbo.”

He was trying to be a good friend now, he had been trying to be a good friend when he confronted Rain. Seems like he’s not very good at it. Swiss deserved better friends than him and that fact goes down just about as smooth as cough syrup. Dew couldn’t stand that sad expression much longer, and as much as it might just kill him to have Swiss learn the truth, maybe he could at least get Rain back in the process. Sugar to help Swiss swallow the bitter medicine of Dew’s indiscretion.

“But I don’t want to overwhelm him. You should have seen how he turned tail when he saw me the other day, I don’t want to chase him away.” Swiss sighed and rubbed both hands over his face.

Dew handed his now crustless, semi flattened sandwich to Mountain instead of tossing it to the birds. Chicken salad was bad for birds. ‘Borderline cannibalism’ Mountain had stressed to him in the middle of a lecture when he was caught throwing pieces of a different sandwich to some ducks one time. He’d had his fair share of guilt for the day.

“You really like him that much?”

“So much, Dew…More than I’ve ever liked anyone or anything.”

A pit opened in Dew’s stomach but he fought to grin. The smile Dew typically fixed him with before doing something mischievous.

“Go tell him that then.”

With a shallow breath Swiss nodded and hopped to his feet, Mountain following behind as he made his way to the barn leaving Dew to sit in contemplation.

Bold.

One of two things would come of this; Rain slips away and he walks away looking like a fool with wounded pride or Rain returns his affections. What did he have to lose? Either way, Rain would leave for college by the end of the summer and he couldn’t let him go without being truly honest with him, Rain deserved that much.

Fate was on his side, the stars had aligned. Wednesday was the one day of the week where he could count on Rain’s father being gone, restock day. He and the other farmhands dreaded it, usually left with aching backs and knees by the end of it after having to carry in countless bags of feed before they were allowed to clock off for the day. A routine they all knew well. Mountain went with. Big, strong, known favorite employee Mountain. It gave him a few hours to work with.

Like always, Mountain waved goodbye from the passenger side window and Swiss watched the truck disappear down the winding driveway with held breath. He counted to ten before turning and mumbling something to Dew about covering his ass. If the work wasn’t done by the time they got back they’d all get chewed out but Swiss needed to do this.

The house sat quiet aside from the buzz of the television as Rain sits on the edge of the couch folding towels, one of the few chores his parents could talk him into without much pushback as it didn’t involve stepping foot outside. The knock on the door came suddenly and urgently, and Rain nearly sent his neat stack of linen to the floor when he flinched. He fumbled over himself to get to his feet and hurry to the door. More often than not, if someone came to the door after his father left something was wrong, and fearing an emergency Rain swung the door open without so much as checking who was out there.

His heart swelled and sunk all at once. Gripping the doorknob Rain was frozen. He can’t retreat. Can’t bring himself to close the door in Swiss’ face even if he wanted to. Only with him standing there in front of him did Rain truly realize just how much he missed him. He fucking missed Swiss. It had been the loneliest he’d felt in years without him around. His eyes stung, the threat of tears barely kept at bay by a few rapid blinks.

”Hey…” Swiss started and Rain seemed to jolt out of his stupor, he put his hand on the door to stop him from closing it before he’d even made any move to do so. He knew it was a desperate, pushy thing to do. “Can I come in?”

“M-My dad will be back soon,” Rain tried to keep his voice level and his face neutral but the words came out whispered and wobbled. He swallowed thickly.

“No he won’t, he and Mountain just left. Please, I need to talk to you.” His gaze flicked away, catching Phantom and Cirrus both blatantly staring the two of them down from across the yard. He quickly tacked on a softer, “privately.”

Hesitantly, Rain stepped to the side and allowed Swiss in. Swiss’ shoulders sagged with a breath of relief as he crossed the threshold. Standing in his kitchen felt familiar but wrong at the same time, like he didn’t belong there. Rain quietly shut the door and retreated further into the kitchen to sit at the table, the plates from breakfast still laid out. He sits stiffly, hands folded in his lap. The tears collecting in his lashes betray his neutrality.

Neither of them spoke for a stretch of time that lasted far too long, both too stubborn and guilt ridden to break the palpable silence until it was too heavy to bear a moment longer.

“I’m sorry Rain, it wasn’t you I just was so wrapped up in-“

”I’m sorry, I never meant to make it feel like I thought poorly of you-“

The two blurted out in unison and ultimately trailed off into another widening gap between them. Swiss’ frown settled deeper and Rain bit his lower lip in some vain attempt to stop himself from crying but the tears spilled despite his efforts. All the lonely nights with only a growing numbness as his company had done well enough to bottle up everything, but with Swiss there in front of him, he couldn’t keep it in anymore.

“What…?” Swiss’ brow furrowed, moving from the chair across the table from him to the one directly beside him when he began to cry. “Rain, what are you talking about?” He pulled his hands from his lap, squeezing them gently.

“I’m not like that, I never thought I was, was,” he hiccuped and dropped his head to stare at how Swiss held him instead of meeting his eyes “I never thought I was better than any of you, I’m sorry. Fuck. I’m so sorry, Swiss. Never wanted you to think that, or that this was some little fling. This wasn’t just a play for attention or anything, I swear.”

Every word felt like another knife in his ribs, urging him to curl in on himself like a sobbing child. He just couldn’t stop the words from pouring out, a proverbial waterfall of admission. He could see just how bad it must have looked - Swiss didn’t fuck him so he turns his nose up at him and the other farmhands after the princess didn’t get what he wanted. It could have only served to cement the idea of all of this being for his own gain and entertainment.

“Tadpole, what are you talking about?”

”Dew, he, he-“ Another hitch in his voice, “talked to me…Told me to stop messing around with you, and that you all thought I was uptight and snobby and that I was using you.” His head snapped up and he’s suddenly holding Swiss that much tighter, like he might pull away. “Swiss, I’m not. I promise I’m not, would never. I love you more than the attention or sex or-“ Rain was beyond the point of babbling, probably didn’t even realize he’d dropped the L-word.

If not for the sentence it was set in, his heart might’ve stuttered in his chest, but something hot and sharp began creeping up his throat instead. Anger and betrayal tasted sour in his mouth. Barely tempered.

“Dew told you what?”

The silence was beyond damning. More than enough confirmation. If not for how tight Rain held him or the tears pouring freely down his face he might have gotten up and stalked out to the fields to wring the truth from his skinny little neck. But Rain had been out of reach for so long, he wouldn’t dream of leaving him. Dew was what pulled them apart, he wouldn’t let it happen again. Rain was his priority.

“I- oh darling. I never thought that about you. Not even for a second. Figured you were sticking around for more than just my good looks when you willingly subjected yourself to sleeping in hay on more than one occasion.”

Rain gave a small laugh, grabbing a napkin from the center of the table to wipe his eyes. It was something at least.

“Dew is just, er…He’s suspicious of people he doesn’t know, and over protective of the ones he does. Doesn’t know you like I do though, none of them do. Couldn’t hope to understand how I feel about you.” The anger becomes easier to shove down with every soft stroke of his thumb over the back of Rain’s hands.

He has Rain again. He has Rain and there was nothing wrong between them anymore and he has Rain.

The tension leaves both of their postures, the quiet was easier to sit in without so much pressing down on them.

“Swiss…” Rain started somewhat shyly. “How do you feel about me?

It’s a question that should have a simple answer, ‘I love you’, but it didn’t quite answer it fully. Conceptually, yes. He loved Rain. But it didn’t feel like enough. Words didn’t feel like enough. Swiss had meant it, he’d never liked anyone the way he liked Rain.

“Askin’ the hard hitting questions there, Rainy.” He chuckled, meeting Rain’s expectant gaze. If only he could just lay his heart out there for Rain to see, it’d be easier. “…Do you remember the night we laid in the bed of my truck instead of the loft?”

“When we watched the stars?”

”Yeah, yeah. Remember how absolutely fascinated you were by them? Just in awe of how the constellations told stories, how you could tell the time, the season, the direction, all just by looking at them?”

”Of course I do, it was beautiful out there.”

“You couldn’t stop staring at them all night, watched you struggle not to fall asleep so you could savor them a little bit longer. Wonderstruck by each and every little dot in the sky, really seeing them for the first time.”

He tipped his head, “what does this have to do with how you feel about me?”

“Well, raindrop,” Swiss brought one of his hands up and kissed his knuckles. “That’s how you make me feel…Hopelessly in awe of you.”

His mouth opened but all he managed was a weak laugh while shaking his head, looking anywhere but Swiss’ face. Bashful. Beautiful. “You don’t mean that.”

Swiss turned him back towards him, cheek heating up underneath his palm. There it was. The only way he could possibly describe the way Swiss looked at him - nothing short of adoration.

“Barely looked at the sky that night, I couldn’t stop looking at you. Every night, every time I had you in my arms all I wanted was to look at you.” He chuckled nervously. Nobody warned him of how nerve wracking this would be. The movies made it look so easy. “You drive me fucking crazy Rainy. Got me feeling like a lovestruck fool when you’re around and a lost puppy when you’re not.”

Rain was a new shade of red. Nothing like the pinks he’d seen before, even when he had his mouth latched onto his throat and Rain was singing like a canary.

“C’mon…Say something.” His confidence wavered without any sort of response. “Tell me I’m not stupid.” It felt like he was begging for confirmation he wasn’t positively delusional. ”Tell me you feel something for me.”

”I do,” he rested his hand over Swiss’, leaning his cheek into his palm. “I never knew I could like someone so much.”

Air rushed back into his lungs as Swiss remembered to breathe, that he even knew he could breathe to begin with. A real lovestruck fucking fool.

“Fuck - you just, you make me feel alive. Swiss, all I’ve done during every break since I started college is come home and read. Stay in my room and study, wait to be told what to do, do the bare minimum to help out around the farm, and wait. I wait to go back to my dorm where I sit and I study and I wait to be told what I need to do before I drive hours home to do it all over again.” His face had almost become a grimace, recounting the routine he’d repeated for years out loud, but it softened out again when he refocused on Swiss. “Don’t think I’ve had fun like this in…I don’t know, like, forever. Haven’t felt hopeful about anything in even longer.”

Somehow, he managed to sit still despite the giddy excitement blooming and bursting inside him. He was pretty sure he could pass out. For the last two summers Swiss had been making heart eyes at Rain from afar, hoping for a chance he never thought would come. Before this summer, they’d had their small interactions. Not a whole lot of anything but it was something - a little banter here, a snide comment from either of them there, brief run ins that he’d been certain Rain brushed off and forgotten directly after parting. Swiss had loved every second of it, it always got his heart beating a little faster, he just didn’t know how deep his love for Rain really ran at the time.

“You were my first kiss y’know…” Rain admitted quietly like it was some shameful secret but the nervous, near bumbling reaction had given Rain’s innocence away within the first three seconds. Swiss decided not to tell him that, focusing instead on the little rush of pride that came with it.

“Yeah..? Was I memorable?” His grin is dopey, he knows it is. Can’t help it.

Flushing all the way to the tips of his ears, Rain made a little annoyed sound that turned into a laugh as he shoved Swiss’ hands away. He got up and Swiss did the same. His hands don’t stay away long, not when Swiss had every reason to possibly touch him.

“Maybe. Could have been, dunno. It’s been a while.”

”Need me to jog your memory then, darling?”

“Mm…Might have to.”

Whatever impossibly heavy and strange fog had drifted over them was finally dissipating. Waved away. He felt lighter, they felt lighter. More at ease, more so with each other. Rain hands don’t even shake as they slide up Swiss’s chest to wrap his arms around his neck, only letting out a surprised little ‘oh!’ as Swiss drew him to his chest. Eager to be close to him. He’d quietly yearned to feel him again from the second he’d slipped out of bed that morning, not entirely in a physical sense, aching for the pure intimacy of it.

Kissing him felt like dreaming. Slow, sweet, like they had all the time in the world even though the clock was steadily ticking on from its place above the stove. It didn’t matter. Their lips had always seemed to fit together so easily. Even easier was the way Rain’s fingers started to sneak into his locs. A silent plea for more, to be closer, to never let him go.

But they had to come up for air sometime. Swiss was the one to break apart, allowing him to catch Rain with his eyes still closed, bliss woven in his face. He wanted to keep him like that forever. His eyes flutter open and his delicate expression turns into the cutest pout that manages to tug on his heartstrings ever so slightly.

“Heeey…” He whined, rocking up onto his toes to steal another. All he gets is a peck.

”Gotta go before your dad gets back, lover boy.” Swiss grinned down at him, tapping him on the nose as he slipped from his arms. “You still remember where you can find me, princess?”

For that, Swiss earned a little shove against his chest and a proper fitting laugh. He couldn’t stop himself from smiling if he tried.

[angel---eater]

i truly have no tolerance for this fandom shittin on random fans personal trans headcanons. someone saw themselves and their experience in this character, isnt that beautiful? why dont you mind your business and focus on your own fan stuff? wouldnt that make you happier? someones headcanon doesnt negate yours. what the fuck is wrong with yall. its playing make believe x2. its just a headcanon. real life trans folks are in active danger right now and some of yall are wasting all your energy abusing others over which pronoun set figments of someone elses imagination 'should' be using

[wellzofyouth]

That one post of my mine predictably aged like fine wine. Never let somebody on comic twitter in the writer's room😭😭😭 Like imagine a 1 to 1 adaptation of literally any event?? -1b at the box office. "Who are these people???"

[candycryptids]

hewwooo tuesday here's a silly little question for you since your "check it out, frogs!!" blog title always delights me: how do each of your characters feel about frogs? 👀

I *love* Frogs, but how do the blorbeans feel about em...? Well... I had to really think about it TTuTT BUT! Chuu favors mechanical creatures over flesh 'n blood ones, and while her getting to the First is ambiguous and mysterious (being a non-wol, I just try not to think about it too much) She DOES... love the Dwarven Mecha frogs. And. The biggest frog of them all... Formi.... <3 …. So she doesn’t care for frogs much. She has sent Tuesday out frog catching for alchemical ingredients though….

Colette... Doesn't have any feelings this way or that about frogs, really. They're small, they're kinda slimey? but mostly they're just, very small. Except Gigantoads, I suppose, but those are a toad, and decidedly less slimey, by virture of being a toad. The ambivalence remains though! They're not that tricky to fight so long as you know how to wriggle out of their tongue grasp. (I did... take some frog-related Colette pictures tho >:3 I'm just gonna, post em a bit later, since the theme got away from me) Gigantoads make for a decent enough meal so long as you prep the meat right :T the legs are the most edible part yk.

Ishi is much more fond of Poro Roggo's, Matoya's froggy familiars. They're wearing LITTLE HATS ! They wave little canes! They're quite frankly adorable and they have little croaking voices. What's not to enjoy? (And also, there's something really nice about being out in the marshes of Mor Dhona and finding a little frog instead of a Morbol ready to stink bomb you, HAH)

Tuesday shivers when he thinks about frogs (knows the difference between a frog and a toad, still pictures a Gigantoad first, and does not much love being yanked mid-cast from his Ley lines into body slamming range.) Finds just a regular little frog endearing and will get down in the mud and muck to look at it though. Is especially fascinated by frogs that stick to things like leaves and trees and their camouflages uwu He’s the one who likely knows the most about frogs, and would gladly tell you more about them. Probably compares information with Erenville, if they ever meet up in non-life-threatening-situations.

Tangy finds them fun ! If she’s on a walk or a run or an errand and it’s drizzly and she sees a little frog hop across the pathway there’s literally 0 inhibitions in her body that stop her from also hopping or skipping for at least a minute (still on her way, but a frogs leap is so charming. They’re like tiny dragoons! She points this similarity out to Estinien once. Krile laughs, Estinien looks constipated- you know the face.) She also has a weird compulsion to put them into her mouth, though, so if she catches one….. make sure it’s not poisonous. She doesn’t even plan to eat it! They just look like they would fit perfectly in her kitty jaws (she is sometimes correct).

Mochiie had to get used to frog song when he moved to Gridania. The rivers and lakes and greenery abounding let the little critters thrive in a way they don’t particularly on the Steppe. …. He comes around to finding it relaxing and feels uneasy when he doesn’t hear them anymore lmfao. In non-WoL au’s, probably sometimes tasks adventurer’s with catching frogs for alchemical ingredients OR to bring back to the pond he’s been carefully maintaining to encourage the little beepers to live in it. (Btw, his favorite frog singers are the Pobblebonk or Banjo Frog [YT Link], and the Pacific Chorus Frog [YT Link] 🥰)

Levraut…. I’m still not sure. 🤔 I think he’d like them, but he wouldn’t feel strongly about them. He WOULD eat them though. As would Colette and Mochi… I mentioned Tangy liked to stick them in her mouth but actually eating them seems like a waste, since she’s so big and they’re so small. Like eating a blueberry. I can say his favorite frogs would be the Blue Jeans Poison Frog, for their striking jackets of warning colors, and the desert rain frog, whose perfect spherical nature and grumpy face is endearing.

[kindnessoverperfection]

I've found that, when interacting with others (or myself), it's useful to consider the lessons I'd want to teach a growing child.

If a child makes a mistake, I wouldn't want them to feel shame. I wouldn't yell at them, humiliate them, or in any way indicate to them that their mistake is a reflection of their worth or of who they are as a person.

Instead, I'd want them to associate the process with love and joy. If they say something that hurts someone's feelings, or otherwise ostracizes someone in some way, I'd compassionately explain to them. Ideally, they'd walk away knowing why they said / did it in the first place, how to handle similar situations in the future, and would accept the consequences (e.g. if a friend no longer wanted to hang out with them).

While the consequences may sometimes be painful, I'd do my best to instill in them that mistakes are human and natural, and that the process of learning from these mistakes is an opportunity to improve connections with others and express love.

I have a tendency towards excessive guilt. Memories in which I've said / done something ignorant or hurtful are infused with this guilt and shame- but ideally, I'd feel a sense of love and peace, and perhaps happiness, when looking back on them. Because they were moments of growth, moments I learned how to be more compassionate (even if the actual learning came years later).

So I'll put this out into the void:

When you make a mistake, that is not a reflection of you as a person. It is a moment in time, a moment which was informed by your past experiences. Humans are not static labels, or monsters in an RPG game. We are social creatures who live and learn and react and grow and experience and love. Be gentle with yourself and move forward knowing you're doing so in accordance with your values.

[sysig]

My printer hates me :) (with many thanks and credit to @niennanir as before)

Gosh aren’t they gorgeous tho ♥ Especially the latest and largest, though I have to give all the credit to the paper on that one haha, it’s stunning IRL, I could almost stare at the gold lattice forever rather than read, but I’m so happy with how it turned out between the pages as well!

Quick showcase of the new additions! :D

My Drinking Game as another test run, I got the spacing how I wanted it! Yay! It’s so much handsomer and less cramped! Also I gotta say, if it wasn’t such a large usage of paper, this would be my ideal way of checking for typos - I found a couple after setting it down to ink lol, they’ve been fixed now at least ♪ Paired here with the emerge, transformed three-parter, one of my all-time-favourites <3 I reread it the night I finished it and cried again, a little bit of tender mercy always wrecks me hhhh ♥ There are so many beautiful evocative lines! I’m so happy to hold it ♪ And as you can see above, that was the one that got the cute little ghost dust jacket :D

Another test run of what I’m calling volume 1 of my Vargas Drabbles lol, so not including Have you lost your mind? since that one’s currently unfinished. I do fully intend to print it once it’s done tho :3c Hopefully that one will cause me fewer problems! I hate measuring, so I may have flubbed two covers before finally getting this one into good enough shape XP And my red yarn is still in storage so >.> Did I go purchase another ball of red yarn? I’ll never tell. You can’t tell me it doesn’t look great as a bookmark tho <3

And my current happiest! Ah!! It turned out fantastic on all counts! The cover paper obviously, as I couldn’t Not lead with that, but also the size of the spine and the way the pages settled against each other while glueing - I used a different type of paper for this one and I think I’m completely converted over, it feels amazing to work with. Whatever I was using before had to have been like 15lbs lol, I’m literally just using normal 20lb printer paper but it feels and looks and behaves so much nicer <3 The size of Helix also allowed for a slightly larger bookmark, which was perfect because we had this soft gold ribbon that was all of a couple millimeters wider than the other ribbons/yarn I’d been using, and it looks so so so pretty with the gold detailing!! I’ve put it between Ch. 1 and 2 and getting to see the actual physical size differences of the chapters is so fun ♥

[butterflies-and-bumble-bees]

...

[bugsongs]

the writing decisions in 911 haunt & vex me tbh