#like not every single fucking character has to be related Cassie can just be A New Character oh my god

[magentamedicines]

I need people to realize that the Jeremy being talked about in the new help wanted achievements is most likely either the Jeremy from the first help wanted or referencing the MCI Jeremy who was stuffed in the Bonnie animatronic I don't think this is confirmation about the Bonnie Bully and definitely not about him being Cassie's dad 😭😭😭

[insufferableprotagonistpoll]

Propaganda why Anakin Skywalker is insufferable:

It's less about his character and more about the way ppl talk about him and narrative around him in a lot of current stuff. The way everyone try to bend over backwards to prove how his reasons to turn Darth Vader were somehow noble or good when almost every single bad guy in Star Wars (expect Palpatine and that guy who taught him) have much more sympathetic history and reasons and how he's not a bad person bc he cried a few times while doing atrocities. And how everyone else gets the blame for all his shortcomings ('they did it but never taught him!!!' -he literally parrotos this same lessons to his own student, it's obvious he knows better but chooses to not apply to himself anything that is slightly uncomfortable to him). Like, I love characters being genuinely not good people as much as a next guy but let's not pretend they're good people actually

the guy has zero critical thinking skills, he whines about everything all the time. I love him, but he’s awful to listen to. THIS BITCH. I HATE HIM. NO CRITICAL THINKING. NO SELF AWARENESS. WHINY MURDEROUS ASSHOLE. LIKE SERIOUSLY. He's a JEDI. LIKE. THEY HAVE HISTORY CLASSES!!!! He should have KNOWNNNNNN that when he had prophetic dreams they're not necessarily true!!!!! Also like. In the Star Wars universe, do Jedi just not have imaginations that can create NORMAL dreams when they sleep??? Do Jedi just not usually dream??? If he hadn't gotten paranoid from the dreams of Padme dying in childbirth

BILLIONS OF LIVES WOULD HAVE BEEN SAVED. FOR THAT MATTER, if you're gonna have A SUPER ILLEGAL SUPER SECRET MARRIAGE, wouldn't you, I don't know, USE PROTECTION SO THAT YOUR WIFE WHO IS SECRETLY AND ILLEGALLY MARRIED DOESN'T GET PREGANANANT????? LIKE LOOK I LOVE LUKE AND LEIA MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF BUT THEIR PARENTS WERE SO FUCKING STUPID. ANAKIN SKYWALKER HATES CONDOMS BECAUSE THEY DONT FEEL AS GOOD I DON'T FUCKING KNOW. Man is an IDIOT. How can you have had a role model and father figure like Obi-Wan for most of your fucking life and grow up to do the shitty, STUPID things Anakin did. Ok this is way too long I'm sorry but I love Obi-Wan so much and Anakin ruined his fucking life and hes just such a little DICK. MURDERED A WHOLE VILLAGE OF SAND PEOPLE. AND DOZENS IF NOT HUNDREDS OF CHILDRENNNNNNNN. ANGSTY WHINY TEENAGER. FUCK HIMMMMMMM

Yes he was probably directed to act that way but the way his lines were written did not help

Propaganda why Tim Jackson Drake is insufferable:

oh man. i've had enough of this duckboy (as the protag, he's tolerable in yj and stuff.) like when tim is the protag every character in the story becomes Worse. lady shiva gets nerfed. steph is turned into jealous hormonal catfight girl. helena is dumbified and too womanly to function (they have a nice dynamic as long as tim isn't the protag). cassie and tim were great in yj98, but as soon as he is The Protag then she is his best friend's girlfriend and they're barely friends anymore. cass is turned into a rapist. dick is turned into a lazy mediocre robin. jason turns into fucky wucky dumb brute yaoi stalker boyfriend who is suddenly obsessed with tim's awesome skills. 10 y.o. damian somehow deserves to be put on a hitlist because he's a savage and tim is civilized. Sometimes the story is bogged own with tim's internal or external lectures about their flaws and how they need to be better (better like him), except for dick HMMMM wonder why that is. probbly wouldn't be so bothered if tim wasn't crammed into the spotlight of every crossover in the 90s and early 00s and then so much of dc and the fandom wave it around as the peak era of comicbooks. like im sorry. he is not a relatable protag. like the editors literally told newspapers that he was created for gen x white dudes who blow their money on comics and merch, the info is on wikipedia.

White twink rich boy who always has to be smartest bestest boy even when he is a part of a whole group of smartest bestest ppl (aka bat family as a whole, like he's literally THE Mary sue of a group of Mary sues) at expense of literally everyone else

His definitive writer is a conservative Republican. His series is full of moral PSAs, *dumb* *hormonal* girls getting into catfights over him, and blatant sexism and racism. He gives anti-marijuana speeches to a standing ovation, he lectures about how babies need a father and a mother, and sex is for marriage. Other characters suddenly become stupid around him so that he looks smart. The other characters talk about how he is the best, nicest, smartest Robin ever and ALL the others were dumber and meaner than he is, even the one that mentored him. He as a grown adult man is canonically still bitter about ""his"" child sidekick role being given to an actual child (fans pretend he is the victim of this on both sides—nope he's the adult fighting a child for the child sidekick role, no adult wanted to replace him). Did I mention that this character is the amazing pure white boy, and his 10-year-old successor is painted as a savage Arab terrorist who needs to be put in his place? T*m is a 5'9""+ adult grown man, not a delicate sensitive baby boy.

[amphtaminedreams]

The Women of Euphoria and Personal Style: Lookbook no.8

Hi to anyone reading,

I hope you’re well considering everything going on! It feels weird to want to talk about fashion or TV shows or red carpets or whatever when 90% of my Google searches are COVID-19 related but there you go. It’s all about trying to power through as normal (minus the social interaction) and pretend the world isn’t ending, right? Queue nervous laughter.

And as if things aren't shitty enough, production of season 2 of Euphoria has been postponed until further notice. 

Okay, in the grand scheme of things, having to wait a bit longer for a TV show isn’t catastrophic but it does just about sum up the transition from 2019 to 2020 thus far that after HBO redeemed itself by broadcasting Euphoria in the summer following an ending to Game of Thrones that has made the whole series unrewatchable, the glimmer of hope in me reignited by the prospect of series 2 this year has been quickly dashed. 2021, I’m rooting for you, because it doesn’t seem like things are getting better any time soon, and in all seriousness, I think everyone needs a break from the collective suffering of the last few months.

For me (and undoubtedly for many others if the hundreds of makeup looks and styling videos are anything to go by), Euphoria’s effect on the world of fashion and beauty is unprecedented. I really can’t recall a TV show in living memory that has had as much of an impact on the way young people dress. I mean, this might partially be because the style of the characters already kind of caters to and draws from the target audience but also, aside from Blair Waldorf did anybody really give THAT much of a fuck about what anybody in Gossip Girl wore?

The draw of the styling on Euphoria is that it has something for everyone. The style of each of the main girls, Rue, Kat, Maddy, Jules and Cassie, all of whom I’ve attempted (emphasis on attempted!) to base (emphasis on base!) outfits around, is varied and distinctive but still so current and realistic at the same time. It’s also consistent; even if you don’t own the specific pieces worn by any of them, similar shapes and details reoccur enough in different looks throughout the series that it’s not hard to create an outfit which matches your favourite character’s overall vibe without buying anything new. That’s kinda what I have attempted to do here and without further ado, I’m gonna get on with it! First up:

Jules (Played by Hunter Schafer)

When it comes to whose style is the most experimental, Jules is the obvious answer. A lot of her outfits are what I imagine a cartoonist in the near-distant future will envision their cool girl protagonist wearing. Whilst her ensembles are generally whimsical and girly for the most part, there’s usually a few slightly punk-ish finishing touches thrown in there too be it through chunky shoes or bold makeup or that incredible mesh trench coat she wears in the series finale with the trans symbol on the back which, honestly, deserves a moment of silence. 

There are definitely nods to current fashion trends sprinkled throughout her wardrobe too. I'm not going to lie, despite someone at work seemingly thinking it was an insult to tell me I look like someone who does (I still don’t know but this person has a Rick and Morty keyring so I don’t give it too much weight), I’ve never watched any anime. BUT, that being said, given the abundance of anime screenshots posted by all these aesthetic oriented Instagram and Tumblr moodboard accounts, I have a vague idea of what some of the more iconic characters look like and a lot of Jules’ looks seem to be very much modelled after or at least inspired by them. In a way, I see a lot of her looks as a blend between modern “e-girl”, Y2K skater chick (yes, I’m thinking early Avril Lavigne), and 2013 Tumblr “hipster” a la 2014 Joanna Kutcha and Charlie Barker, and though on paper that sounds like a nightmare combination, it works. I know-if that sentence were a Depop description I would’ve just gained 30 followers.

When it comes to my own interpretation of Jules’ style, it’s definitely something I like to channel when I’m putting together a proper OUTFIT outfit. Meaning an outfit I actually put effort into and thus will most likely want to get a good photo in, lol. The way her character dresses is almost quite Christopher Kane in that it’s fresh and unusual but still understated enough that I wouldn’t walk into a room wearing any of these feeling like I’m doing a Rick Owens runway.

I’m not TOO far out of my comfort zone but still at the same time, I’d be trying something new and maybe a little bit more zany than I'm used to. As for noting where any of these pieces are from, only a few have been bought in the last 6 months, but from left to right clockwise I have marked out those that have in case they’re still available (though be wary of the fact that it seems a lot of online clothes stores are still forcing warehouse employees to work in close confines at the moment and so perhaps aren’t operating the most ethically):

LOOK 1

Corset-Jaded London

Shoes-TK Maxx

LOOK 2

Dress-Motel Rocks

Boots-Koi Vegan Footwear

LOOK 3

Dress-Jaded London

LOOK 4

Dress-Jaded London

Beret-Ebay

LOOK 5

Beret-Ebay

LOOK 6

Mesh Top-Depop

Hair Clips-Urban Outfitters

Kat (Played by Barbie Ferreira) 

Eurgh, Kat. 

I LOVE THIS BITCH.

If I had to choose my favourite character in the show, it would be a very close toss-up between her and Rue, and though I think Rue might just about nab the top spot for her relatability factor, Kat is the girl I want to be or wish that I had been when I was at school. I mean, there’s definitely an argument to be made in that a lot of what she’s doing with her cam work could be seen as a means of validation (Sam Levinson has basically said everyone on the show has some kind of an unhealthy coping mechanism and I would guess due to the circumstances in which her cam girl career was borne and the fact she’s underage, this would be hers) but I do think in other ways we really see Kat reclaim her power and recognise herself for the smart, capable, gorgeous woman that she is. Honestly, the definition of divine feminine energy, and I would completely let Barbie Ferreira/basically Kat if she was also actually 23 dominate me.

Plus! Her! Style! Is! The! Bomb! Definitely the easiest character to base looks around because if I’m totally honest Kat’s energy is pretty much just what I want to emulate in every day life. 

It’s either pieces that are typically feminine, cutesy, and even slightly preppy at times drenched in everything grunge OR vice versa where you have something semi-gothic and then add a colourful, more playful touch in there that harks back to the beginning of the series before Kat had began to explore her identity and sexuality and dressed slightly more Forever 21.

I’d say, not yet with my whole chest, that on a good day the outfits I put together when making an effort aren’t too far off something Kat would wear, minus the more overtly BDSM touches; if wearing a ring choker in London is enough to get me a creepy comment from a gross middle aged shopkeeper (because I apparently forfeited my right not to be perved on when I decided to buy a bottle of Oasis summer fruits), then you can only imagine the kind of looks wearing a full-on harness would get in my conservative OAP dominated hometown. Not the most doable right now, especially considering the only time I get out is to work and to go for a run. The chafing I could deal with but the horrified glares of pensioners whose M&S prawn mayo sandwiches I’ve ruined by simply being in their eyesight not so much.

LOOK 1-

Corset-Urban Outfitters

LOOK 2-

Bodysuit-Depop

Skirt-Zara

Harness-Ebay

LOOK 3-

Co-ord-Depop

Lace-up Corset-Missguided

LOOK 4-

Dress-Vintage

LOOK 5-

Belt-Ebay

LOOK 6-

Coat-Topshop

Dress-Jaded London

LOOK 7-

Fishnet Top-Ebay

Skirt-Urban Outfitters

Maddy (Played by Alexa Demie)

Not gonna lie, I was kind of scared to do Maddy. I’m scared to be posting this, lol! Alexa Demie has played this character for a single season and she’s already one of the most iconic women to grace our screens in years. This is a huge undertaking and I don’t have the bank balance or the body confidence (lmao) to raid IAmGia. 

And this is where I want to stress: THESE ARE NOT OUTFIT RECREATIONS. THESE ARE INSPIRED BY. I HAVE ADDED ELEMENTS OF MY OWN STYLE INTO THEM. PLEASE DON’T DRAG ME. I KNOW, I’M NOT ALEXA DEMIE. I WOULD NEVER ASSUME TO BE ALEXA DEMIE. I’M NOT ABOUT TO TAKE THE LORD’S NAME IN VAIN LIKE THAT. So now we’ve got that out the way (wipes bead of sweat off forehead), let’s continue. 

Everything about Maddy Perez is extra. She has very much been established as a centre of attention character, and her outfits are a key part of that. They’re daring, they’re hyper-feminine, and they are always glamorous. We’re told that she competed in beauty pageants when she was younger and it’s clear that level of excess and coordination and glitz and all-round-boujeeness wormed its way into her DNA during that time. Even the “depression” outfit she wears to school following Nate becoming violent at the fair is costume-like, a 2019 Bratz doll Off-White street style collaboration.

Do you know how HARD I had to try to be HOT!? For these photos. Alexa Demie is one of those blessed women who doesn’t have to try at all, and that translates into the character completely. At any given moment, Maddy could add or remove one item or clothing and be let straight into the VIP section of a club, and that, honestly, is inspiring to us all in these dark times. 

One thing I tried to keep in mind is that she always looks polished and coordinated, I.E the kind of look I would prepare for a night out is something Maddy would wear on an average day. Co-ords and delicate prints seem to be more subtle wardrobe staples along with mesh and PVC and glitter and feathers and fur and basically anything that toes the line between expensive looking and tacky. Yes, I am aware we may toe different sides of that line but please let me stay delusional and believe that’s not the case for 5 minutes. Much appreciated xoxo

LOOK 1-

Bodysuit-Jaded London

LOOK 2-

Bralette-Depop

LOOK 3-

Co-ord Suit-Boohoo

Bodysuit-Boohoo

LOOK 4-

Dress-Motel Rocks

Shoes-Schuh

LOOK 5-

Bodysuit-Zaful

Trousers-Depop

Coat-Topshop

LOOK 6-

Dress-Zaful

Belt-Zaful

LOOK 7-

Top-Jaded London

Hair Clips-H&M

Rue (Played by Zendaya Coleman)

I have a complicated relationship with Rue as a character. When I started season 1 of Euphoria, I was like “Oh my god, this girl is the worst. Jesus, she’s so negative and draining and willingly self-destructive and-”

Then, oh my god is this what it’s like to live with me!?

I will say, to my own credit, that I don’t think I've ever been quite as hard to deal with as Rue (a lot less smashing stuff up and a lot more moping), and to HER credit, by the end of the season we come to realise she’s been through a fucking lot and so it makes sense, but wow. I don’t think I have ever seen a teen show handle drug abuse and mental illness in such a brutal way. It’s quite a talent to be able to show a character cause so much pain to those closest to them and yet do so through a sympathetic lens. And issues aside, whether it’s her occasional social awkwardness or her relationship with her family or watching bloody Love Island (still quite surreal to see Zendaya Coleman witnessing the Amy/Curtis drama unfold), Rue is just my favourite character to follow. 

Her style, though. AH. The thing is, I can hardly drag it, because it’s pretty much what I wear when I’m moping about the house-or just any time I can get away with it to be honest-to a T. I want to stay true to character, but that being said, creating a “Seth Rogen”-esque outfit that’s worth posting on here is difficult. So, with the same kind of artistic license that had me wearing berets whilst cosplaying Maddy Perez, here is the best I could do:

I know, I know, it’s probably too much colour and jewellery for Rue but this is as toned down as I could do and I tried to stick with the key silhouettes we see from her throughout the season; I mean, I can’t see her wearing leopard print but the structure of the coat in outfit 1 is very similar to the one seen in Shook Ones pt.II. I think the bottom line when it comes to her character is keeping things effortless and not overly-feminine; you want to mix street style, athleisure and your dad’s wardrobe favourites like your life depends on it. Plus messy hair and smudged makeup, both of which I’ve already got down according to the completely inappropriate number of customers who’ve asked if I'm tired at work so thanks for that guys, and glitter tears. Lots and lots of glitter tears.

OUTFIT 1-

Dungarees-Vintage

OUTFIT 2-

Trousers-Depop

Cardigan-Urban Outfitters

OUTFIT 5-

Beanie-Depop

OUTFIT 6-

Shirt-Boohoo Man

Sports Bra-TK Maxx

Trousers-Urban Outfitters

OUTFIT 7-

Shirt-Jaded London

Cassie (Played by Sydney Sweeney)

Style-wise, Cassie is a hard one. When putting outfits for her character together, I found myself gravitating towards a direction that’s probably a bit too bohemian for her character, under the guidance of loose terms like “girl-next-door”, “floaty”, “delicate”, you get the idea. She definitely feels the least fully-realised in terms of all the main girls and I think it’s fair to say she’s probably got a bit of self-discovery to do. Most of her storylines in the season are dictated by her relationships to other people: McKay, Maddy, Lexie, her parents and so on. 

Nevertheless, I tried to stick to the airier, more traditionally “pretty” pieces whilst still channelling the confidence and ease with which Cassie pulls them off. Sydney Sweeney has the most incredible figure and I feel like whilst the clothes the on-set stylists put her in flatter that and don’t hide anything, they’re still the focus. It doesn’t feel like there’s anything more inherently sexual about her character than any of the other main female characters despite the way the men within the narrative view her, and I think it’s a testament to the the wardrobe department that to me she still gives off big modern Disney princess energy and a certain innocence even whilst we hear her being continuously sexualised by her male peers. 

If anything, Cassie probably dresses the most like an actual teenage girl, and her style, whilst less distinctive than the other girls, still does a good job of capturing the youth and romanticism of her character. 

The colour palette of her wardrobe tends to be quite neutral, with a couple of pastels thrown in there, and if there are any details, they’re usually quite dainty. Similarly, Cassie is probably the least experimental when it comes to her makeup; we don’t really see her wearing the bold eyeshadows or liners or gems like the other girls at any point.

OUTFIT 1-

Bodysuit-Motel Rocks

Hair Clips-Bershka

OUTFIT 2-

Dress-Jaded London

OUTFIT 3-

Trousers-Urban Outfitters

OUTFIT 4-

Top-Urban Outfitters

Hairband-H&M

`OUTFIT 5-

Top-Urban Outfitters

Jeans-Zaful

Headband-Primark

OUTFIT 6-

Top-Urban Outfitters

OUTFIT 7-

Dress-Urban Outfitters

Hair Clips-Boohoo

SO, I guess that’s it for my Euphoria lookbook! As always, let me know what you think (nicely pls, my ego is fragile lol) and I’d love to hear your opinions on the show too! I really haven’t got this excited over a new TV show in ages and I just think that it does everything so excellently-from the writing to the cinematography to the soundtrack, you can tell each element is so carefully and purposefully constructed. It immerses you into the dramatic highs and lows of being a teenager in a way I haven’t seen since UK Skins and I never thought I’d watch a show which held a candle to that. 

In terms of what I’m doing next, I’ve got a very delayed fashion week masterpost in the works as well as something to fill the Met Gala shaped hole in our lives, which I hope to get up over the next couple of weeks. In the meantime, if you read to the end, THANK YOU! And I hope you’re staying safe and AT HOME where possible. I know this self-isolation feels never-ending and if I’m honest, it is having a hugely negative effect on my mental health, but NHS staff are doing their very best with the shitty recourses they have and whilst it seems that our government have thrown workers under the bus once again, we can all do our bit to combat that by slowing the spread of the virus. Also thank you to anybody who’s out working now in such a scary and uncertain time! I work at a grocery store and can say from experience that the best way to show this thanks is just through kindness and following employee’s instructions without giving them grief for it. Everyone’s scared right now and the best we can do is pull together and look out for each other, as difficult as that might seem at times.

Anyway, sorry for the ramble, and like I said, stay safe! Thanks once again if you read til the end or even if you’re just here for the photos. Appreciate it more than you know either way!

Lauren x

[cryptocism]

ive been scrolling through ur blog for a while (cuz ur dc opinions are Top Fucking Notch) and i saw what you said abt bart in tt 03 and f:fma and while i totally agree (it killed tt 03 for me lol) im super curious abt how youd do his development if given the opportunity?

I’ve been thinking about this one like A Lot so buckle up this is long: 

it would kind of depend? On whether or not he’d be in an ensemble team like Teen Titans or with his own solo series. 

I understand metatextually why he became Kid Flash in TT, since they needed him to be more mature and a more recognizable character and having him upgrade costumes/codenames is a good shortcut for both. But I’ve already talked about why it didn’t sit right with me. 

So, lets flip the script a little bit - the start of TT would be largely the same. Our boy Bart is on the new Titans team, and things are kind of awkward after YJ disbanded, also Max is gone and Bart’s relationship with Wally is still not doing great. Things are rough, Bart has newfound doubts to deal with, especially now that the world seems to have gotten harsher and everyone seems to have a lot less patience to deal with him. The pressure to be more mature and a recognizable character is coming from other characters now rather than an authorial need: he’s reminded to take things seriously, or that he should know better by now, that he needs to slow down and think more. So Bart decides a change is necessary, and we get the library scene. He reads all the books, he reappears as Kid Flash, saves Tim via bullet catch, disassembles a gun, takes down Slade, etc. etc. Here’s my departure from canon though: it doesn’t work. 

Kid Flash is not a solution, or a magical cure for immaturity. Reading a whole library so he’s miraculously smarter and more mature and capable is, at its core, a pretty naive conclusion. And it makes sense he would think that. But it doesn’t work. He’s still impulsive, distractible, hasty. He can’t put a lid on his own sense of humor. People still think he’s annoying or lazy or careless. And he keeps trying - he knows all this stuff now, he read a whole library! - but he’s still apparently too much the same person as he's always been. And even though he’s trying very hard to live up to the Kid Flash name, it still doesn’t feel like him. Wally doesn’t like it, since Bart is literally just imitating him now, which makes things between the two even worse. And Bart keeps worrying about what’s supposed to come afterwards, since “Kid Flash” is inherently temporary, and while Impulse was only peripherally related to the flash legacy, Kid Flash comes with expectations. 

Bart is trying very very hard to be ‘grown up’ and ‘mature’, but he hasn’t actually learned anything other than a bunch of facts (which are still useful, but) he’s just trying to be who everyone expects him to be. 

And this is what i mean about the ensemble thing, because this arc would be in conversation with the rest of the core four, who are also trying very hard to be people they’re not, but all in different ways. Bart obviously with the codename change, but Cassie, Tim, and Kon all have similar issues, they’re all trying to imitate people. 

Tim is doing his Batman jr. routine, reverting back to the persona he had at the start of YJ. He’s cagey and mysterious and does questionable things without telling anybody, because he’s de-facto leader of the team again, and he has to be better than he is. No more kid stuff, the Titans are serious, he has to treat it like a job, not like a sleepover. And this whole act is putting distance between him and his friends. 

Cassie is trying her hardest to put herself in a support role. Donna’s gone and she has some big shoes to fill (she and Tim could probably bond about that if he weren’t stubbornly trying to brood at all hours of the day) and she’s doing her best to just Be Donna. Cassie and Tim would work better with their team roles swapped, and they both sort of know this - Cassie is naturally charismatic, thinks on her feet, can maintain good PR, and when she’s confident in herself is great at leading. Tim is partial to planning ahead, secrets, and keeping in the shadows, and is better at being a confidant and emotional problem solver among the team (when he allows himself to be open among friends, that is). 

But they’re both trying to fit themselves into what they see as pre-ordained roles: Robin is leader, Wondergirl is a supportive mediator. But Cassie’s got a temper and little patience for people being idiots, and Tim’s not predisposed to spotlights. 

Kon on the other hand has a story that’s less about who he should be and more who he shouldn’t be. The Lex Luthor dad storyline is here (minus the mind control shit, although the threat of it is still brought up) and Kon is doing his level best to do nothing that could be interpreted as something Lex might do. While everyone is doing their best to Not be their own person, Kon has no idea if he ever was his own person. He’s questioning everything he does, wondering if it’s some kind of evil gene showing through when he’s angry or petty or selfish. He’s going through lots of clone angst. 

So they’re all dealing with expectations and who they are or aren’t supposed to be, trying to fit themselves into boxes that don’t suit them and then convincing themselves that this is how it ought to be. Kon ought to avoid feeling or acting in any negative light because any sign of Luthor is a sign of evil, Cassie ought to tone herself down and act like Donna, Tim ought to step up and lead the team and act like Dick, and Bart ought to listen better and be smarter and slow down and grow up and do his level best to just Be Wally. 

Throughout the issues they’d all get a spotlight on their various crises, taking them through complimenting character arcs. Kon would realize through a couple close encounters and chats with ma and pa and talks with his friends and citizens of metropolis that nobody is all good or all bad. Clark can be a real asshole sometimes and Luthor’s actually done a fair bit of good (usually in his own interests, but still we’re gunning for nuance). Turns out he doesn’t have a dark side to be tempted by, he was made from 50% complex person and 50% complex person, just like everyone else. Which means he isn’t destined to be the next Superman, or Superman’s next supervillain. He’s just like, a person. With his own thoughts and feelings that have nothing to do with genetics. 

Tim would wear himself out and hide it from everybody until he killed himself, but it’s only when he sees Cassie also wearing herself out too that his ‘somebody needs somebody’ instincts kick in and they’re actually able to talk about how miserable they both are. Through some trial and error they’re able to figure out a good co-leader system for leading the team, having each other’s backs along the way, which allows for them both being able to help out the other members of their team with their own shit i.e. Kon and Bart’s identity issues. 

Bart is, like Cassie and Tim, wearing himself out trying to be this perfect version of Wally that never actually existed. He actually hates the recognition the new name gives him, because people have expectations for him now, ones he can never seem to live up to. He’s bad at following orders still, which makes him a pretty shit sidekick for Wally, in fact he’s just pretty shit at being a sidekick in general. But, he reasons, he’s supposed to be grown up and responsible now, and responsibility is all about doing shit you hate until you die, so he’s probably on the right track. 

It’s only later, once he gets some support from his friends, who help him deal with things like Max and YJ disbanding and stuff that he’s able to actually sit down and have a heart-to-heart with Wally. Wally confesses that he understands the pressure to live up to a legacy, and how he did his best to just Be Barry when he became the flash. In fact while Bart was trying to live up to Wally and be a good sidekick, Wally was trying to live up to Barry and be a good mentor. Wally’s the one to tell him that Bart’s always done his own thing, and is at his best when he does. They both agree they suck as partners, but maybe they should’ve tried to be family first. And there’s probably a racing metaphor in there somewhere because speedsters love their racing metaphors. 

ANyway Bart returns to Impulse, forging a new path, getting along better with Wally now and hanging out with him just as civilians with no pretense. He learns some valuable lessons about how maturity can’t be learned in a book, and that he’ll get it himself the more he lives and learns from experience. The Titans all get along better now that they’re all sure of their places in the group, and they can all go on just being themselves without worrying about expectations or roles to fill or whatever. 

...If Bart still had his solo series instead though, id actually want it to go in a sort of different direction? The thing about living up to predecessors and trying to be some ideal version of another person works well for the Titans because they can all deal with a similar issue in different ways, but I think it would also be interesting to do the complete opposite. 

Lots of shitty things happened in very quick succession in Bart’s life that he had no control over: Max’s disappearance, having to move in with Jay and Joan (who are nice, but whom he barely knows,) leaving his friends in Alabama, Young Justice breaking up… Basically, things kind of suck for Bart, and all he wants is for them to go back to the way they were. Instead of trying to be grown up or mature or whatever, Bart is resisting every single encroaching thing about coming adulthood. Because all growing up ever seems to mean is that everything changes and either you have to leave the people you love or they have to leave you. 

So this series would focus mostly on that, both in his civilian life; going into high school, not knowing anybody, the few friends he does make are less interested in ‘kid stuff’ and more focused on dating and interpersonal drama, high school itself seems to be geared entirely toward the “what are you going to do with your life” question, when he visits his old friends back in manchester, they’ve all kind of grown up without him. And in hero life; everyone from Young Justice is trying to move on and not talking to each other, his father figure and mentor is gone and he's not really jiving well with the rest of the flash family, and people just seem to have less patience for Impulse now that he’s older. 

Growing up is hard. It’s hard and no one understands. Especially not when you’re also a superhero and have dealt with some quality trauma like losing loved ones and feeling yourself die. So it makes sense that Bart would resist that in every way possible, do his best to pretend like everything is still how it used to be, for once in his life just trying to make everything stay put. He refuses to get rid of his old stuff, he doesn’t want to treat any villainous threats seriously, people in school keep talking about college and jobs and tuition fees and Bart wants none of that, he acts out, refuses responsibility, gets reckless under the pretense that he never used to have to be cautious. 

And this is the part where I’d bring in Inertia, cause Thad was robbed and I want him to have an actual arc that doesn’t end with infant-splosion. Also he can have a good ol companion arc to Bart. Welcome to foils everybody, where two identical boys with opposing life experiences get to thematically compare and contrast with each other as they deal with the trials and tribulations of growing up. 

So, I’m ignoring every appearance Thad ever made after Impulse 1995, picking up instead where his story left off where he swore vengeance on his creators and disappeared into the speed force. And he’s off to do exactly what he said; Thad Thawne II is going to kill his namesake/grandfather/creator - the president of Earthgov. 

But, turns out assassinating the president of a whole fucking planet is a lot harder than he thought - Thad has planned extensively for every moment of his life, so once he starts going off script things predictably go a little off the fuckin rails. Thad fails, obviously. For one because despite how much President Thawne might deserve to die, Thad at this point hasn’t done anything worse than attempted murder, and making him a killer would put a wrench in any kind of redemption arc he could have. Also he’s acting on rage, in a highly emotional state, basically going up against the entire government. Of course he’s going to get caught by the science police and brought into custody. 

Bart, meanwhile is jumping with both feet into any kind of escapism he can find, which involves various time travel shenanigans and lands him in the 30th century. He gets to reunite however briefly with his mom, but the mission he had gets derailed by the appearance of Inertia. 

Every time Bart and President Thawne interact, the president always seems to make a bid to sway Bart to the Thawne side. This never works, which is part of the reason Inertia exists in the first place; a version of Bart that the president could control. When Inertia landed in the 30th century, hell bent on assassinating his creator, the President subdued him and eventually coerced him back over to the Thawne side of the family feud. No longer a rogue agent, Inertia is back to his old self, all about destroying Bart and the rest of the Allens. 

They have a battle, taking place all over the 30th century city, and Bart does his best but Inertia has the entire Earthgov police force on his side, and Bart eventually gets captured. He gets taken to some kind of holding facility, meets with the President who monologues as him while Inertia stands beside him like a good lackey. Then suddenly the speed-inhibiting cuffs or whatever Inertia had put on Bart to stop his speed malfunctions, and Inertia drops the act, now Impulse and Inertia working together to take down the Earthgov people holding them there. 

Turns out as soon as Inertia knew he couldn’t take out the president, what with all the military force President Thawne had on his side, he bided his time until he could. He uses Bart’s help to finally get President Thawne cornered, and the assassination plan is back on track. Except now Bart is the thing stopping him. He makes the argument about how murder bad. Heroes don’t kill, etc. Inertia insists he isn’t a hero. But Bart reminds him that that’s not how Max saw him. 

Inertia hesitates just enough that President Thawne is able to get away, and now the two of them have to make an escape attempt back to the past. Bart insists on trying to take Meloni with them, and they try but ultimately fail somehow (maybe someone has to stay behind to make sure they can make the trip safely, idk. At first Thad is willing to stay behind, since there’s nothing really for him in the past. But Meloni knows that President Thawne would destroy him if he did, and she can’t let harm come to either of her sons - and she does consider Thad her son, just like Bart. She’s had far too little time with either of them, but she loves them all the same. She tells them to take care of each other, and is the first to encourage them to be like, actual brothers.) 

After yet another tearful goodbye, Bart swearing he’ll find a way for them to all be together again, Bart and Thad go back. And they do end up having to lean on each other, because shit’s tough for the both of them. Thad initially wants to apologize and possibly reunite with Max and Helen, and then finds out Max is gone. And Bart has someone who understands exactly what he’s going through. 

Things get a little more lighthearted from here. Bart and Thad don’t get along well at first, since they’re both going through rough times and lots of changes and their first instincts are to lash out at each other. But eventually they form a sort of camaraderie through shared grief, then shared fish-out-of-water experiences. Which evolves into shared inside jokes and video games and comic books and they become slow but steady friends. 

They upgrade into brothers when Bart defends Thad against the repeated (and not entirely undeserved) suspicion he receives from the rest of the Flash family. Jay and Joan take him in, but it’s clear they don’t trust him, and neither does Wally. Bart stands up for Thad, arguing that he’s as much of a Thawne as Thad is, and treating Thad like he’s the next Cobalt Blue is just going to ensure that history never changes and stupid family feuds are forever. After this, Thad starts trusting Bart a little more, and kind of solves Bart’s problems regarding encroaching adulthood with his friendship. Neither of them really had a childhood, and Thad hasn’t experienced 21st century life at all, much less the societal expectations to grow up. So Bart gets to have fun again, and Thad won't judge any of his games or his books or his attitude or interests for being childish or lame because he’s fascinated by the experience of anything regardless of the target audience. 

And from there it's a series about these two becoming brothers and growing up and the different lessons they learn and wacky characters they meet along the way. Thad ironically also puts Bart in a position where he has to take on more responsibility, since even though Thad can imitate heroic actions and is actually pretty good at it, he doesn’t understand what makes them heroic. Bart has to draw on a lot of the things Max taught him and now has to teach them to Thad. 

There’s crossover comics with Superboy, where Bart laments about having to deal with grown up stuff, and Kon gives him a new perspective on the whole “being young forever” thing, since that was a reality Kon actually had to deal with and it sucked. 

Through various misadventures they meet new and familiar characters to give them different perspectives on the whole passage of time thing. Villains who despise children or childish things, villains who embrace it but probably too much. People who talk about growing up as the worst time of their lives, others talking about it like it was the best. Kids and adults alike trying to force Bart and Thad to act a certain way while treating them another. 

The two of them come to opposing conclusions about this; Thad wants to embrace change completely, partly because he wants to experience firsthand all that life has to offer, but also his worldview depends on believing that anyone can change, and anyone can be better, because he has to believe he can be redeemed for all the shitty stuff he did. Bart, on the other hand, knows his life isn’t perfect but thinks, based on recent events, that it’s all just going to get worse from here, and so resists change as much as possible. 

Thad, in his haste to experience everything, sometimes ends up going too far, either burning both of them out, or pushing them into situations that they’re not ready for or are ill-equipped to handle. Bart, on the other hand is so resistant to change or responsibility that he stops them from doing actual necessary things like planning their futures or doing chores or making new friends. This acts as the crux for their main conflict that slowly builds throughout the series, and then in a finale to the arc, they both figure out a way to get Meloni back to the past, and to raise some stakes they have a falling out in the middle of the mission about it. 

Bart accuses Thad of trying to leave him behind, or trying to be the better version of him again, and that old insecurity about Thad replacing him crops up. Thad thinks Bart just can’t handle anything outside his personal bubble and wants to force him to live in the real world. Plus he also feels kind of abandoned by Bart, who often would leave Thad to do the scary adult things on his own. 

Tensions still high, there's suddenly an external threat to deal with - probably president thawne and the science police - and they attempt to continue arguing even while fighting the president. I’m making this up as I go so lets say yada yada big climactic moment it's looking like the two might fail to get Meloni back and they’re both still angry with each other and Bart just… can’t take it anymore. 

He keeps losing people, and the ones he keeps he always seems to screw up with. And at the end of the day he’s just a kid who wants his mom. Is that really so much to ask? So there’s a reversal, a parallel, if you will, of the assassination attempt from the beginning of the series, this time with Bart. Or, because I don’t think many people would buy that Bart would actually ever for real kill someone, maybe he’s finally about to get his mom back, but she doesn’t want to go (since she made that deal with the president that he wouldn’t harm anyone of the Allen family so long as she stayed with him) so he’s trying to force her, risking the lives/well-being of the entire Allen bloodline across all of time. 

This time it’s Thad who has to talk him down, who has to remind him about being a hero, who has to remind him that trying to go back to some magical time in the past where things were better is just going to stop him from learning and growing as a person, and that doing anything and everything possible to get there is just going to lead to Bart doing something he Actually Can’t walk back from. 

Alright but here’s the thing because having Bart be forced to leave his mom again for like the billionth time is tired and overdone, and personally the whole message about heroics involving extreme and damaging amounts of sacrifice can only go so far. So here; Thad and Bart are both right. 

Like on the one hand, yeah, it’s childish and selfish for Bart to want to be with his mom at the expense of literally everyone else in his family. On the other hand, the fact that they can’t be together because some asshole is upholding a stupid grudge is bad and unfair and wrong. The issue needing to be fixed is not the kid who wants his mom, it’s the jackass keeping them apart (and who also wants to kill/imprison people). So Bart convinces Thad that they have to save Meloni, and Thad convinces Bart that there has to be another way - one where they get their mom back and the Allens don’t have to be hunted. 

The whole story would be leading up to the two of them coming to this conclusion; the healthy middle between the two extremes. Where they have the maturity to plan ahead and sort through their differences and figure out the best course of action with the least amount of collateral, but they don’t let go of that adolescent need for justice and fairness - that thing that makes you dig in your heels and say “no. That’s not fair, that’s not right.” 

SO here’s where I’d put the title card: “Bartholomew and Thaddeus Take Down The Government”. How do they do it? No idea! I’m flyin by the seat of my pants here! Do they run for office? Do they publicize the president’s crimes in such a way he gotta go to jail? Do they somehow turn public opinion against him enough to get him out of office? idk!!! And I don’t remember enough about Earthgov’s political situation to put an accurate read on what exactly they might do to disrupt it. 

Either way they don’t kill him, manage to free their mom, and they all go back to the past together. And a new arc would involve the three of them getting settled in the past; Meloni would be a main character now, and hers is a two-pronged fish out of water story where she’s trying to figure out how shit works in the past, with overtones of the struggles of being a single parent. 

And... I’m not going to say any more about that because this is long enough already oof. 

TL;DR I think a coming of age story would be cool for Bart, and having to deal with growing up when he never really had a childhood. Also the comic itself would be aimed at younger audiences, who can probably relate to having a Bad Time in the Teens and wacky hijinks with friends and siblings.

[thattimdrakeguy]

I used to like Stephanie Brown very much but honestly lately her fandom ruined the character for me. They want EVERYTHING to be about her, even when we are talking about a mlm ship they are like "pls don't erase Steph" and I am like??? And literally saying character flaws are not hating on a character, or most people just hating on her because seriously she is so different in comics and fandom, they need to chill the fuck out and not say everyone is misogynistic just because they don't like her

+ and everytime someone says "Cissie and Steph are best friends" just because the new cover of YJ... y'all forgetting Bart and Cassie were Cissie's best friends!!! Sorry I just hate when people force her into everything and then blame timkon fans for being misogynistic just because people don't want her to be on the team because she has no good relationships with the team, that's not misogyny everyone!!! I hate this fandom sometimes

I just want to ask why TimSteph stans are hating on Tim but still shipping him with their fav character? Literally every single TimSteph stan on their tag are posting anti Tim Drake posts, and talking shit about him, but when someone says something bad about Stephanie they are getting mad and acting like everyone is hating women because of other ships??? Can someone pls explain this to me I really want to know the reason

That’s the part of the fandom that I see sometimes and really brings my mood down a lot of the time, because they’re so caught up in their own world sometimes that it drives me nuts.

Before I disliked Damian because his writing is just freaking awful, I began to not like him just from the connotation of his fandom being so obsessed trying to make him something he’s not based off of just a few moments that aren’t even in-character.

With the toxic part of Steph’s fanbase they’re just so obsessed with trying to make her seem like more of this astonishing character. Not to even say she’s a bad character. I still think she’s a good character, but it’s just the limit the obsessive part of her fandom goes to, just to convince people she’s so great. Sometimes they just exaggerate stuff or just lie so much because they seem to be under the belief that if she’s not incredible as a person that she’s unlikable, but then, why do they like her.

I think that part of her fandom comes from people projecting on her so much that they begin to become defensive of everything she does to the point it feels obsessive.

“OH SHE HAS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIP WITH BRUCE BECAUSE *says a very simple thing that they say in way too many words that give the complete wrong connotation of the actual events to make Stephanie seem more impressive*”

“SHE HAS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIP WITH DAMIAN THAT NEEDS TO BE ADMIRED MORE BECAUSE completely ignores how Damian was a total pervert and a body shamer to ridicule her. Which isn’t a relationship to admire at all. Along with people constantly taking out of context some of the things she did with him, and how it was another case of a writer ignoring Damian’s problem to woobify him. Which makes the issue poorly written. But we must exaggerate it to make Steph seem like a saint apparently.”

This type of fandom stuff bugs me no matter the character.

I remember not that long ago I kept seeing posts that were exaggerating Tim so much, and it bugged the ever-living crap out of me.

Because sorry, but, I don’t care what Red Robin says. Tim could not beat up all those assassins.

I don’t even honestly believe Tim’s a master tactitian. He’s just smart and clever, he isn’t this war general figure.

I don’t care that a comic says that Tim could trick Bruce with a fake Uncle.

Given the way he was built up as a character, that stuff just doesn’t work. That wasn’t anything that was actually developed for his character. It was something they tacked on in what I assume was attempts to make Tim “cool”, because DC doesn’t like relatable characters.

Which is a bit rich because Sideways, a character written by Didio himself, just feels like a knock-off Ultimate Spider-Man with the tone and character-style.

So I don’t want to give the impression that I think everyone in the Stephanie Brown fandom is an obsessive loon, or toxic as could be, because I don’t believe that to be the case. The toxic part of her fandom is just something that has arisen. Something that happens in all fandoms at one point or another. Now is just Stephanie’s go at it I guess. Even if it seems to be from just a few over vocal people, that people gave too much attention because I guess they liked having their fav be overly praised.

The people that say you’re misogynistic if you don’t ship TimSteph are just stupid honestly. At least about that.

If you ship TimKon, it makes no sense to include Steph in posts about it. Unless it’s like, just mentioning how Tim used to date her. Which I don’t feel is a big enough reason to act like people are misogynistic, because, even if say I shipped Tim with another girl. Id be awkward to talk about Steph. We don’t need to shove Steph into everything.

I don’t say the word stupid like I think they’re stupid at everything.

I call myself stupid when it comes to a lot of stuff for an example, but the argument that you’re misogynistic if you think of Tim as gay is stupid, because there’s enough of Tim for so long were it’s easy to interrupt him as gay, and it’s not misogynistic.

You don’t hate women if you’re gay, or anything like that.

That’s homophobic.

If you still think Tim is straight, congrats, I’m not upset. I’m not upset people ship TimSteph. One of my best friends ships TimSteph and she’s writing a wonderful fic.

I’m not even against TimSteph at all.

Just that stupid part of that fandom.

Like Stephanie Brown has flaws right? She flirted with Tim when she knew he had a girlfriend, even kissing him. Reckless as could be. Took things the wrong way. Made Tim straight up uncomfortable with her flirting sometimes. Had a problem with listening even when it was beneficial to her safety. She also had a trust problem when her and Tim’s relationship got into it.

Some of you are probably thinking “Well Tim has flaws too. She had her reasons.”

And you know what?

I agree.

Because that’s how freaking characters work.

Tim’s sheltered childhood made him insensitive to certain situations. He was immature to the point of detriment to his relationship with Ariana in some situations. Too naive to understand some things. Even too bossy because he’s a cruddy leader and didn’t know how to communicate enough for that job.

He’s not a perfect human.

Characters can have flaws, and it’s okay, because that’s how we get interesting stories and dynamics between stuff. Just because Tim has flaws, doesn’t mean he’s not a good person. He’s kind, caring, heroic, despite his immaturity. Just because Tim couldn’t handle the topic of cheating and became immature doesn’t mean he didn’t step up to the plate and try to help Ariana when she was close to being sexually assaulted and she was a bit mentally unstable (that might be strong wordage, but I use those words for myself when a situation hits. So it’s not me talking down about her situation) for a bit.

When you were raised in a mad house, it’s understandable she’d grow up to be reckless. She grew up so independent at a young age, because her parents certainly weren’t taking care of her. It’s also understandable that she has trust issues, because if you’re dating someone with a second life, you would worry that they’re cheating on you.

This is just how characters work

So these posts that wanna pretend she doesn’t have flaws, bugs me, because they want to deny her character sometimes.

Then acting like she’d just be best friends with everyone is freaking delusional. It’s the kind of stuff where it’s done in the vein of “peppy fangirl”, but it just becomes a bit obsessive. I think that’s stuff were my theory on some of those types of fans projecting on her for their own good come in.

I can get, being like “I wonder if these characters would get along”, but getting so hyper and exaggatory is just wack.

I think Tim and Jon would get along and could be good friends now that Jon’s older, but if they were in a comic together I’m not gonna get myself worked up and pretend things are were they clearly aren’t.

Even in the case of Cissie and Steph, I actually feel like they would be pretty good friends together. I can easily see that. But just cuz they’re on a cover together doesn’t mean they’re best friends

And if somehow Steph brought Cissie out to be Arrowette, that’d just be stupid. I don’t know how Steph would even know who Cissie is, because I don’t know if she even knows Arrowettes name is Cissie, let alone in this timeline. Plus Cissie last seen wasn’t a hero. So that’d just be some super cheap and forced writing.

But given the write circumstances, that actually work and make sense, I wouldn’t be against that. If they became friends, I’d be totally cool with it.

It’s that weird obsessive “THEY’RE BEST FRIENDS OH MY GOSH” that’s just a bit unnerving. Like settle down.

Write some fan fics, I really don’t care, but it gives me the vibes of those boyband fandoms that wanna act like their fav is dating some hot chick cuz he looked at her.

It’s less worse than that, cuz those are real people, but it’s that obsessive vibe that I get from it.

I don’t like it.

As for TimSteph shippers that hate Tim. I think it’s because it’s for a similar reason some people make all those posts overexaggerating or lying about so much stuff about Steph.

It’s to get her attention.

They know that Steph’s almost always only gonna show up because writers attach her with Tim almost exclusively, and that may be the only way she’ll show up. So I think they’re doing that, to get some kind of attention so Steph will show up at least with Tim, cuz something is better than nothing.

Although personally, I root for Steph finally hanging out with other characters, because seeing her relegated to just “Tim’s girlfriend” is very annoying, cuz even in the 90s she was more than that. She wasn’t created just to date Tim. She was created to be her own dang character.

[horsegirlimogentemult]

5 tv shows i should watch?

Schitt’s Creek: A ridiculously rich family, the Roses, lose all of their money and everything they own. The only thing they’re allowed to keep is a town that the father bought for his son as a joke twenty years ago, called Schitt’s Creek, and so they have to move there and live in the local motel, and become friends with all the locals.

You’ll want to live in Schitt’s Creek. It’s also got the best gay rep I’ve ever seen in David and Patrick, and the whole town is such a safe place. And it’s hysterical. You haven’t lived till you’ve heard Moira Rose pronouncing words. I can’t even tell you the amount of heart this show has and how much it means to me and so many people. It’s warm and happy and a wonderful place.

12 Monkeys: In 2017, a plague swept through the entire planet. By 2043, humanity is one generation away from extinction. A scientist named Katarina Jones believes that there’s only one cure: making the plague never happen in the first place. A message from the past sets her off on a mission where she sends James Cole, the time-traveler, to 2015 to team up with virologist Dr. Cassie Railly to stop the plague….except that the conspiracy runs far deeper than they ever could have imagined, plunging them into the workings of the Army of the 12 Monkeys, a mysterious figure known only as the Witness, and Primaries who can see time’s secrets, including Jennifer Goines.

I literally cannot stress enough how good 12 Monkeys is. It answers every single question it ever raises, and does it in ways that make you scream at the foreshadowing and want to rewatch immediately. It twists and turns and every single bit of plot is fabulous and the characters are amazing.

The Good Place: Eleanor Shellstrop has died, and she’s in The Good Place! She’s got her house, and her neighbors, and her soulmate! One catch: They’ve got the wrong person. She’s not supposed to be there. Eleanor is, in fact, a terrible person who should be being tortured in The Bad Place right now. Luckily for her, her soulmate Chidi was a professor of ethics and moral philosophy during his life, and he’s agreed to teach her ethics so she can become a good person and earn her spot in the Good Place for real. Which should totally work out without anyone noticing…right?

Okay, I’m sure you’ve seen this one all over tumblr, but like, it’s just so good. The characters, it’s fucking funny, the questions it raises about philosophy, the plot……it’s all incredible. Plus, what other show can you hear the line “Whenever I was on Earth and I had a problem, and I threw a Molotov cocktail at it, boom! Right away, I had a different problem.”

Killing Eve: Villanelle is a professional assassin. Eve Polastri is an MI6 agent who brings it upon herself to track down Villanelle. The two become paired an an epic game of cat-and-mouse where they’re both the cat and both the mouse, and they’re mutually obsessed with each other. And falling in love.

Here’s another one you’ve probably heard all about everywhere, but……the thing about Killing Eve is that no matter how good people tell you it is, they’re not doing it justice. It’s better than that. Watch it. I watched the whole first season in a day because I couldn’t stop.

Galavant: It’s the Middle Ages, and Sir Galavant, greatest knight in the kingdom, has a lady love in Madalena–except King Richard kidnaps Madalena to be his bride. It’s Galavant to the rescue! King Richard can offer Madalena great fortune, Galavant says, but only Galavant can offer her great love. Madalena chooses the fame and fortune. A year later, Madalena and Richard have invaded the kingdom of Valencia, and Valencia’s Princess Isabella needs Galavant’s help in getting her kingdom back, and they and Galavant’s squire Sid set off on a hero’s journey accompanied entirely by songs.

It’s a musical! Galavant is so much fun, I can’t even tell you. The world did not deserve Galavant, Galavant was too good for it. It’s absolute absurdist humor, ridiculous songs, and a masterpiece.

The Librarians: The Library only ever has one Librarian, passed down lifetime to lifetime. And it calls Cassandra, Ezekiel, and Jake all as potential candidates–except it turns out the current Librarian, Flynn, is still alive, searching for the lost Library. The Library also called Eve as the new Guardian of the Librarian, and the group of five–along with Library caretaker Jenkins–set off on various adventures around the world, gathering various magical relics.

The Librarians is…..really good. It’s got heart and humor, and magic, and I love history, and god, it’s like the little show that could. Every year everyone expected it to be cancelled, and every year it would get renewed and it felt like magic. I miss it with my whole heart.

Warehouse 13: Based on the ending of Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark, Warehouse 13 is a secret warehouse in North Dakota (as the name suggests, the thirteenth throughout history, having been all over the world) that houses artifacts with powerful abilities–objects that belonged to someone, often someone famous from history, imbued with something relating to their personalities or what they’re famous for. For example, wearing Harriet Tubman’s thimble gives the wearer the ability to disguise themselves as anyone else they wish, Janis Joplin’s backstage pass can transport you to any concert that has ever happened, and Lizzie Borden’s axe makes the person holding it have an uncontrollable urge to kill people they love. Secret Service Agents Myka and Pete are brought on as the new agents of Warehouse 13, alongside caretaker Artie, and later tech genius Claudia as the bunch form a found family and go through some of history’s most dangerous artifacts in the process.

Warehouse 13 meant the entire world to me years ago. I mean, I’m passionate about history and an actual history major, so that part’s fun, and I also adore the way the show is structured and everything. The idea of having the artifacts is really cool, and some of the effects are very clever. I’ve always felt like it was an underrated show that it felt like no one else knew about, and I loved it.

[soundslikenerds-blog]

I Need to Talk About “Avengers: Endgame”

WARNING: THIS WILL BE VERY SPOILER-Y!

PLEASE, IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE MOVIE, DO NOT READ THE SPOILERS!

IT’S SO HARD TO STAY AWAY WHEN YOU’RE CURIOUS AS HELL, BUT PLEASE DON’T LOOK AT THESE SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE MOVIE!

SPOILERS WILL BE BELOW THE CUT, SO IF YOU DON’T TURN AWAY NOW, I CAN’T BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE SPOILERS YOU WILL SEE!

THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE!

OK!

I have an actual metric fuckton of stuff to say about this movie-too much, really. I won’t be able to hold it together for even a part of it, since I cried like a baby throughout 90% of this movie. I have a lot of words and a lot of emotions. Walking into this movie, I had a lot of theories. Some of them were true, and others were not. Some of them, I wished I had been wrong about. I steered clear of all spoilers, dropping off the face of the world once I heard that a leak happened, and I’m somewhat relieved that I can be back. It’s not gonna be the same, though. Never.

I’ve only seen the movie three times so far (I had to edit this twice while writing this reaction, ngl), so I’m definitely still missing some shit. I just haven’t been able to keep myself collected for long enough to write it all. I’m definitely going to see it again tomorrow, which is like opening a gaping wound and pouring salt, vinegar, alcohol, and tears into it. Why do I do this?

So, here it goes. It won’t be in order, but I’m just writing it down as it comes back to me (while listening to the Avengers Theme because I need to cry for a bit longer, I guess).

I was a bit upset that the movie didn’t open with the original Marvel fanfare. I was angry until I cried for the first time in the movie, which happened a mere 3 minutes in.

Clint’s. Fucking. Family.

When he starts running around, yelling for them, I was absolutely gutted. It felt like someone drove a knife into my back.

The Russo Bros.

JESUS. CHRIST. GIVE. THIS. MAN. A. BREAK.

GIVE. ME. A. BREAK.

Tony’s physical state in space was absolutely mind-boggling. I was crushed just seeing him like that, like a little skeleton man. I’m realizing as I write this that I can’t even think about Tony right now. Nope.

No.

Anyway, now that I’m crying, I might as well keep crying.

Nebula lifting Tony up into the seat like he’s a small child. YES, GIVE THIS MAN ALL THE LOVE AND CARE IN THE WORLD! HE DESERVES EVERYTHING GOOD! DON’T TOUCH ME, I’M CRYING!

When that little light hit Tony’s face, I was like, “CAROL! IT’S MY GIRL! WHAT A GODDESS!” and the entire theater erupted with applause. I was so happy I wasn’t stuck with a theater full of people with sticks in places they shouldn’t be.

STEVE SPRINTING UP TO TONY WAS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL, TOUCHING, WONDERFUL MOMENT, BUT THEN, THESE TWO FUCKERS FIGHT AGAIN LIKE 2 SECONDS LATER! DON’T TAKE MY LITTLE SHREDS OF HAPPINESS AWAY FROM ME, MARVEL, FFS!

“I lost the kid” -Tony, making me want to vomit because of the sheer emotions.

Pepperony reunion was beautiful. I cried. Everyone cried. Not everyone. Me and a few other people.

Tony losing his shit on Steve left me gutted. I just wanted everything to be okay between them, especially since both of them came so close to dying.

“I needed you!” -Tony, 2k19

“I need you two to get along” -Me, 2k19

“Up until this moment, I thought you were a Build-a-Bear” -Tony to Rocket, and the theater erupted in laughter. The Russo’s were trying to butter us up with as much funny shit in the first half as they could because THEY KNEW WHAT WAS COMING, AND NO ONE ELSE DID!

When I saw Carol’s tears in her eyes upon seeing Nick Fury’s picture as one of the vanished, I...ugh. No. I’m feeling a lot again.

She was so ready to kick some purple ass, and I was like “YAAAASSSS, KWEEN! Kill the evil grape!”

The fact that we saw the jump in the reflection of Steve’s eyes, my heart fluttered. What a beautiful...whoa. I was...the EYELASHES?! HeLp!

WHEN THANOS GOT HIS NOGGIN CHOPPED CLEAN OFF, THE WHOLE AUDIENCE LOST IT, BUT WE KNEW IT WOULDN’T BE THE END OF THANOS. The cheers were full of joy and also a bit of fear for what would come.

“I went for the head” -Thor, 2k19

Even though, I was fully committed to this movie, when the “five years later” faded onto the screen, I couldn’t help but read it in a Spongebob Narrator voice. OOPS!

Steve trying to be a little optimist in the absolute worst circumstances...ugh!

Joe Russo’s cameo. I was like, “yaaaasss, represent the LGBTQ+ audience” but I was also like, “you’re gonna kill me in this movie, aren’t you?” AND THE SECOND TIME I WATCHED IT, WHEN PEOPLE CHEERED BECAUSE OF HIM IN THAT SCENE, I JUST SAT THERE WITH MY ARMS CROSSED LIKE AN ANGRY BABY! I KNEW WHAT WAS COMING! I KNEW THAT HE WAS GOING TO STAB ME STRAIGHT THROUGH MY FUCKING HEART IN A LITTLE WHILE! The second time around, I was more excited to see Jim Starlin in that scene.

CAROL’S HAIRCUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seeing Natasha cry over Clint’s disappearance was...rough. 10/10 don’t like seeing my heroes cry because it turns me into an actual blubbering mess. Natasha was a strong, fierce, incredible warrior goddess, and to see her crumble over the stress was both so incredibly realistic but also heart-wrenching. She has done such a good job holding it together in the worst circumstances throughout these movies, but now we get to see her as just as vulnerable as anyone else. Natasha was a gem, and SHE DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER. I NEED TISSUES. I’M CRYING!

On a side note: I love that new hair she’s rocking, ngl.

“I tell people to move on; some do, but not us” *chills*

I’m upset that the peanut butter sandwich wasn’t credited and had no appearances in the trailer. It played such a pivotal role. First, it was Nat’s. Then, Nat tried to pass it off to Steve. Then, Scott practically fell in love with it.

Scott, looking at that peanut butter sandwich:

While we’re talking about Scott Lang, I have to say that a lot of us in the theater cried like little tiny babies, when Scott and Cassie finally saw each other again. Five hours passed for him, but his daughter aged five entire years. That was heart-wrenching and also such a happy scene.

TONY STARK FINALLY HAD SOME HAPPINESS! HE MARRIED PEPPER, AND THEY HAD A DAUGHTER, MORGAN! I CAN’T! DON’T TOUCH ME!

Professor Hulk was both really unsettling, really funny, and everything that I wanted. I didn’t really know whether to laugh or cringe a little bit. It was really well done, and it made for some laughs, but ngl, I was a bit...disturbed by it.

The picture scene. Scott is just...the most relatable.

“Take the goddamn phone” -Scott Lang, leaving myself and the rest of the theater in stitches.

“Shit” -Tony Stark, 2k19

“Shit” -Morgan Stark, 2k19

Tony = Parenting Goals, leave me alone.

“I love you 3000” -Morgan Stark being the sweetest little peanut in the history of all things. Someone protect her LIKE THEY SHOULD’VE PROTECTED TONY! HELP, I’M CRYING AGAIN!

“But would you be able to rest?” -PEPPER GODDAMN POTTS, KNOWING THAT WE’RE GONNA EXPERIENCE THE WORST PAIN IN MERE HOURS!

*ahem*

Scott’s transformation between adult, child, old, baby, and back to adult was funny af. Every person in the theater lost their shit during that scene.

“Someone peed my pants” -Scott Lang...legendary

Steven Grant Rogers in THOSE pants. We all know which ones I’m talking about. The ones he wears when he walks outside the facility and is greeted by Tony Stark. I needed an inhaler because it took my breath away. Wow.

TONY GIVING STEVE HIS SHIELD BACK REPAIRED MY SHATTERED HEART AND CLEARED UP MY SKIN.

Scott sitting outside with his little taco, only to have it blown away thanks to Rocket and Nebula, OH LORD HELP ME! I nearly pissed myself, I was laughing so hard. Then, when Professor Hulk walks by and hands him a taco with this big ass green hand, everyone went from “lol” to “awwwww” like he was some giant green puppy!

Nebula throwing serious shade at Scott! LIFE!

“What’s up, Regular-Sized Man?” -Rhodey, coming in for the kill.

Prof. Hulk riding in the back of the truck with his thicc ass, the theater erupted.

VALKYRIE! WHEN IT PANNED OVER TO HER, EVERY SINGLE TIME I’VE SEEN IT, THE THEATER WENT FUCKING BUCK WILD! PEOPLE LOVE HER! I LOVE HER! I WOULD MARRY THIS FUCKING GODDESS!

Thor.

Wow.

Whoa.

Huh.

Like, when it showed him, I laughed because...it’s still the God of a man, Chris Hemsworth. At the same time, though, it made me so goddamn sad. The audience didn’t always know whether it was right to laugh or get a bit emotional about it. He feels like he failed his people and the entire universe. That’s a lot of guilt on his shoulders, and we know where this guilt REALLY belongs.

Peter.

Quill.

STAR

DUDE

HE IS A LORD NO LONGER!

Like, I love you, but this is on you, homeboy.

MEEK AND KORG!

When Prof. Hulk mentions Thanos, and Thor gets really quiet and teary-eyed, I couldn’t help but getting emotional about it. He feels like such a failure, and that’s heartbreaking.

He...is using Stormbreaker...as a bottle opener...wtf, Thor?!

“There’s booze” -Rocket

And that was the line that convinced Thor Odinson, the God of Thunder, the King of Asgard to join up with his team again and kick some ass. Really. I’m not lying. This is the true motivation for my dude, Thor. Wow.

“Jane put her hand in a rock, and the stone put itself into her” -Thor, 2k19

*THE THEATER LOSES IT*

Rhodey motioning what he wanted to do to baby Thanos was one of the funniest bits in the movie. I almost puked, I laughed so hard, and then the reaction he got from the other characters. Oh shit!

“See you in a minute” -Natasha to Steve, and the second time I watched it, I lost my goddamn mind. The people next to me were probably like “wtf is gonna happen?” because they knew I had seen it the previous night during the premiere. So when Nat is doing her little “hahaha, I’ll see you in a second” I was just over there dying, trying to hold back my gross sobs. Like I’m doing right now.

I can’t see the keyboard.

Seeing a different view of the Battle of New York was fucking stellar. I was dead. I knew that this was the moment I would get to see Loki being Loki. Wow. Much anticipation.

Prof. Hulk having to pretend to Hulk out left me shook. I couldn’t hear the movie because of the audience laughter.

Bruce and the Ancient One was a great little duo, and I would honestly pay to see Tilda Swinton just interacting with my favorite heroes all day.

“That suit was doing nothing for your ass” -Tony

“As far as I’m concerned, that’s America’s Ass!” -Scott, speaking on behalf of everyone in the universe.

LOKI IMITATING STEVE WAS A BEAUTIFUL CALLBACK TO “THOR: THE DARK WORLD” AND I LOST IT. I LOST IT AND COULDN’T FIND IT FOR A HOT MINUTE! Then, Thor just slaps that Asgardian “shut the fuck up” mouthpiece on him, and I don’t get to hear Tom Hiddleston’s silken waterfall of a voice again throughout the movie. Who approved this? Like, I enjoy knowing that there was a reason behind said mouthpiece, and it was because Loki couldn’t stop running his mouth, but I just...I wanted more of Loki than I got.

Hulk getting mad about taking the stairs. That was a mood and a half.

When Steve got into the elevator, I was low-key hoping for another can of whoopass like in “Captain America: The Winter Soldier” but what I got was even. fucking. Better.

Hearing Cap say “Hail Hydra” was just as bone-chilling as when I read it in the Captain America: Steve Rogers issue a while back. It was pretty intense hearing him say it, but I thought it was a cool hint to the comic. It gave me chills, but it was also…

Alexander Pierce, ugh! Listen, Robert Redford has always been-and will always be-a stone cold fox, but Secretary Pierce is the #worst. No one likes him. Seeing all these “long lost” characters was such a nice send-off for our heroes. This was the end of a decade-long saga, and this truly felt like a fan-service movie with a lot of heartbreaking moments that we didn’t want as well.

Seeing Tony have that cardiac dysrhythmia was not my favorite thing, but it was much easier than seeing...the INCIDENT AT THE END THAT SHATTERED MY UNIVERSE!

Loki’s eyes following the case when Ant-Man kicked it away left me cackling in my seat. Every time I’ve watched it, it was hilarious. Idgaf, every single time Tom Hiddleston is on that screen, he steals the show, even when he can’t speak.

God.

That man.

Help.

Hulk busting out of the stairwell and hitting Tony across the fucking room was hilarious.

Then, this little shit, Loki, picks up the tesseract and yeets himself right outta the movie like he was never there to begin with. We don’t see him another goddamn time. I was low-key hoping that Thor could’ve found a way to be in on the plan to get the tesseract so that he could’ve seen Loki one more time, but whatever. I’m not in charge of anything ever.

Like, we’ve gotten to see him as Loki for like a cumulative 4 minutes in two entire movies. How rude.

STEVE RUNNING INTO STEVE!

AND THAT FIGHT SCENE!

I was all kinds of whoa.

Me during that scene:

“That is America’s ass” -Steve Rogers, 2k19 or...2k12…? Help.

Steve and Tony going back in time to the 70’s was all kinds of tears. Like, Tony getting to see his dad got me all choked up. AND HOWARD’S LIKE “THERE’S NOTHING I WOULDN’T DO FOR HIM” AND I’M JUST CONFLICTED BECAUSE TONY SUFFERED BECAUSE OF HIS DAD, BUT I DON’T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING ANYMORE!

And when I saw Steve grab four of those vials of Pym particles, I was like “HONEY, YOU KNOW GODDAMN WELL YOU DON’T NEED THAT MANY! PUT IT BACK! DON’T BE LIKE THIS!” I felt like a mother in the candy aisle with a free range toddler.

Listen.

Now, here’s a question.

HOW.

THE FUCK.

DID PEGGY CARTER.

NOT SEE.

HER MAIN MAN.

STEVE.

AMERICA.

ROGERS.

????????????????????????????

Steve’s there like:

And my girl, Peggy, is just:

Completely oblivious.

Whatever.

1970′S JARVIS! FUCK ME UP!

Tony giving this “stranger” a hug after having a quick chat with him on an elevator was hilarious because Howard had no idea what the shit was going on.

Honestly, Nebula’s trip to Morag with Rhodey was nice and all, but I wasn’t as invested in it because I knew that it would tie into Thanos, and it did. I was just sick of seeing this purple nutsack-having face. I was done with him. THEN I HAD TO SEE PETER QUILL AGAIN, AND I WAS READY TO PUNCH A HOLE IN THE SCREEN BECAUSE I’M STILL MAD ABOUT INFINITY WAR! I will blame him for this until I die.

And then we get Nebula 1.0 meeting Nebula 2.0, and I was 10/10 uncomfortable. Not a fan. Not a fan at all. Negative fan.

Thor talking to his mom made me cry. Frigga is the goddess Asgard needed but not the one it deserved. AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

When I realized that Steve, Tony, and Scott went to NYC, Nebula and Rhodey went to Morag, Thor and Rocket went to Asgard, I knew. I knew that shit was about to go down on Vormir. I already knew that someone was going to die in order to get the Soul Stone, but I didn’t want to think about who it was going to be. AND WHEN I SAW IT, I WANTED TO FUCK RIGHT OFF OUT OF THERE. NO THANK YOU!

I knew that Clint and Nat would want to sacrifice their own lives to keep the other from doing it, and they’re two of my favorite characters in the MCU, far above many of the newcomers. They’ve been around since the beginning, and I have an even deeper connection with Nat because I could identify with her as a woman. She didn’t have superpowers, but she wasn’t the damsel in distress, and I found a lot of power in that.

That entire scene had me on the very edge of my seat, and it left everyone else in the theater the same way. Even going back to watch it, I’m still on the edge of my seat, even though I know what happens. The first time around, I didn’t know who it was going to be, who was going to sacrifice themselves for the Soul Stone, and I gasping for air every time one of them made a break for the edge of the cliff thing.

Thinking about that scene still gives me chills. Thinking about how Clint was holding onto her arm as tightly as he could and nat was sitting there, not even trying to hold on. Ugh. It makes me so fucking emotional. I don’t give a fuck. Natasha went out a fucking hero. She sacrificed herself for the greater good, knowingly. I know a lot of people are like, “they did her dirty” but I prefer this death to one at the hands of Thanos. She sacrificed for something she loves: her team, her family. She sacrificed so that Clint wouldn’t have to, so that he could be with his family when they were brought back. The MCU did Natasha dirty by not giving her a movie earlier on, but this death was selfless and heroic, just like Natasha. She died a hero, and no one can change my mind on that.

I’m crying.

Wait.

Ok, so seeing Clint break down and cry was not my favorite thing.

AND THEN THEY GET BACK, AND EVERYONE IS SO FUCKING SAD ABOUT NATASHA’S DEATH! SAME! LET’S BE SAD TOGETHER!

Steve cries: mood.

Hulk throws shit: mood.

So, gauntlet 2.0 is built, and Prof. Hulk puts that shit on and ruins himself. Good job!

Nebula 1.0, who is pretending to be Nebula 2.0, brings Thanos to the future, which is not the best. I was just in shock by the amount of fuckery going on. Like, I didn’t understand any of the time stuff, and if anyone claims they did, they’re lying. Or they’re smart.

Prof. Hulk reverse snaps his fingers, and everything is good again! Birds are chirping, Laura’s calling for Clint, the sun is shining, Thanos’ ship is shooting at the Avengers facility, and he’s being a little prick. Everything’s back to normal.

I was low-key nervous that Hulk, Rocket, and Rhodey were gonna drown under the rubble of the facility, and I was not impressed. But when Scott was like, “yo, I’m on my way,” I was ready for snack-sized Ant-Man to go full on King-Sized Ant-Man again. I was ready.

Thanos sitting outside on a rock, looking like he was ready to kick puppies or some shit. He just wants to be the worst version of himself, I swear to butt!

Thor, Tony, and Steve fighting Thanos was what I signed up for. Like, Clint’s doing the hundred meter dash beneath the facility, and he’s being chased by weight lizard/gorilla/alien hybrids. Then, we have the holy trinity putting Thanos in his place.

Wild.

STEVE.

ROGERS.

CAPTAIN.

AMERICA.

WIELDING.

MJOLNIR.

WAS.

EVERYTHING.

CHANGE.

MY.

MIND.

As soon as that hammer lifted up off the ground, gasps could be heard all throughout the theater. I heard people gasping halfway around the world. People woke up from REM sleep just to gasp. They didn’t know what they were gasping about, but they felt the power of what was happening. I died but was resurrected just to continue gasping.

When Mjolnir was thrown and bounced back only to show that it was thrown by Steve, THE THEATER SCREAMED SO GODDAMN LOUD THAT WE WERE ABOUT TO BLOW THE ROOF OFF THE PLACE. IT WAS LIKE CHRIS EVANS HIMSELF HAD WALTZED IN, PLEDGED TO MARRY EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THE ROOM, AND ALSO GAVE THEM $38 TRILLION A PIECE. IT WAS MONUMENTAL. THE GROUND SHOOK. WE CAUSED THE WHOLE PLANET OF JUPITER TO QUAKE. SOMEONE SHOULD CHECK TO SEE IF IT STILL EXISTS BECAUSE THE CHEERS AND THE SCREAMS WERE ENOUGH TO BLOW UP THE ENTIRE PLANET. IT WAS THE WILDEST MOMENT. THE BEST MOMENT. THE MOMENT WE HAD ALL BEEN WAITING FOR SINCE CAP NUDGED THAT FUCKING HAMMER IN AGE OF ULTRON. THIS WAS THE MOMENT!

Then, we get one of the most epic scenes in cinema history.

Steve using Mjolnir and his shield at the same time, summoning lightning and kicking Thanos straight in the dick (figuratively). It was the wildest ride. I swear, people started punting each other across the room because they were so excited. I wanted someone to punch me in the face because I was so hyped. There was just a lot going on.

Then, Steve starts to lose to Thanos, and I was not ready. I was like, “NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NOPE! I DO NOT LIKE THIS! I WANT TO LEAVE! STOP IT!”

“On your left” - Sam Wilson, 2k14

“On your left” -Sam Wilson, 2k19 or like 2k24 because it’s 5 years in the future. Or is it 2k23 because the 5 year skip came almost right after the events of Infinity War? I don’t know what year it is. Help.

Anyway. Beautiful.

THEN THOSE PORTALS START POPPING UP, AND I WAS LIKE:

I had goosebumps seeing ALL of these characters on screen. It was bittersweet not having Natasha there, but it was such a beautiful moment. That moment wouldn’t have existed if it wasn’t for her. I will give her credit always!

“AVENGERS...Assemble” -Steve “The Guy With America’s Ass” Rogers with the line we’ve all been waiting for since the beginning. It’s been a long time coming, but we got it...finally. Once again, the theater screamed, jupiter exploded, the farthest star swallowed itself, it was a lot.

Tony and Pepper fighting back to back in their suits.

Give my heart a break.

The all lady team up. I get that it was a bit on the nose. I feel like it would’ve been cooler if no words were spoken but all the female cast members just started to line up behind Captain Marvel. I was more than okay with this, though. That scene was cool as shit to see all my ladies lining up to kick some the purple nutsacks ass.

“I am inevitable” -Thanos, that little punk bitch.

“I am Iron Man” -Iron Man, 2008

“I am Iron Man” -Endgame, 2019

Everyone in the theater opening night was like “WWWWHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! YEAAAAAHHHHH!” including me when Tony snapped those little fingers. It was the best line that could’ve been delivered before that snap, but no one saw what was coming. People continued to lose their shit as Thanos’ army was dusted. It was poetic justice. And when Thanos got dusted, everyone continued to “WWWWWHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! YAAAAAAASSSSSS!” including myself. This changed the second night. As the theater erupted, my ass was sitting there like “NO, YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT’S ABOUT TO HAPPEN! STOP CHEERING!” as I’m holding back adult sobs!

Then.

The camera found Tony.

The cheering died instantly.

The theater got so fucking quiet.

I could feel my heartbeat in my throat.

I could hear the collective heartbreak around the theater.

We had won.

However, we also lost.

I can’t talk about it. I can’t write about it. I just cannot. Of all the people I thought would go, he was low on the list. I was almost certain that Steve would be ripped away from me, but I never thought that this would happen. I’m not okay. I’m really sad. I’m not smad anymore. I’m just sad as shit. Rhodey, Peter, and Pepper getting their moments with him only hurt my heart even more, and I can’t. I’M CRYING AGAIN! I’M NEVER GONNA STOP!

“You can rest now” -PEPPER POTTS

TONY STARK DESERVED BETTER! HE WENT OUT A HERO, BUT I CANNOT! I WILL NEVER BE OKAY ABOUT THIS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!

“I love you 3000” -TONY FUCKING STARK’S MESSAGE TO HIS LITTLE DAUGHTER. I’M GONNA PUKE! SOMEONE THROW ME AWAY! I’M DEFECTIVE! HELP!

“Your dad liked cheeseburgers. I’m gonna buy you all the cheeseburgers you want” -Happy to Morgan, fucking my entire world up.

“Proof Tony Stark Has a Heart”

It was so touching to see that every hero was gathered there to pay homage to a hero. It was such a beautiful scene. Seeing everyone there just felt like the twist of the knife in my cold, dying heart. It was great. I loved it.

I’m convinced that the only people who didn’t cry in these scenes were stone cold killers, and I will refuse to believe otherwise until I’m dead and gone. Like, my father cried during these scenes (Nat’s death, Tony’s death, and Tony’s funeral), and it takes...a lot to get tears out of him. I cried the entire ending. Like, the scene with Wanda and Clint. Ugh. I can’t take this anymore. I didn’t stop crying, even as Thor was giving the throne over to Valkyrie (she deserves it, yaaaaaasssss kween), or as he had his moment with the Guardian’s of the Galaxy. I continued to cry when Steve and Bucky had their moment that parallelled “Captain America, The First Avenger”

“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back” - Bucky, CATFA

“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you” -Steve, CATFA

“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back” -Steve, AE

“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you” -Bucky, AE

I UGLY CRIED AGAIN BECAUSE I JUST FUCKING KNEW WHAT STEVE WAS GONNA DO. HE WAS GONNA USE THE FOURTH VIAL OF PYM PARTICLES TO DO WHAT HE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO. HE WAS GONNA GET THAT FUCKING DANCE! AND BUCKY KNEW EXACTLY WHAT WAS GOING ON!

That’s why this little shit wasn’t surprised to see that Steve hadn’t come back on time.

I was high-key hoping that Bucky would receive the title of Captain America. He’s held the shield in virtually every movie he had the chance to. Both him and Sam Wilson hold the title in the comics, and I felt like this could be a new arc for Bucky. Like, he needed this redemption. It was still gonna be bittersweet no matter what because Steve Rogers has always been the version of Captain America I love the most. When Bucky urged Sam to go see Steve, he knew that Sam was the man for the job.

Old man Steve is a silver fox. Change my mind.

I think it’s partially the voice, ngl.

So, I really don’t understand the time stuff, especially with an old man Steve in the future, so I don’t really get how it didn’t change everything with him being old af during the events of the Avengers, AOU, CATWS, CACW, IW, literally all of it. I just...don’t understand? But I don’t care because at least he got his happily ever after. Steve was a man out of time, and he did his time as a hero. He deserved happiness, and he found that with Peggy. I saw that some people were like “BUT HE ABANDONED HIS FRIENDS!” Steve did his time, and he deserved to have his happily ever after, just like Tony got to do for a while with Pepper and Morgan.

And he finally got his dance.

And the credits.

The fucking credits.

All of the original cast members signed their names.

And of course, RDJ was last.

Everyone cheered, yelled, screamed, and cried. It was another earthquake, Jupitergate, Supernova kind of moment.

And that little sound at the end. Tony making his first Iron Man suit. I have a glimmer of hope that it’s Harley building his own suit to become Iron Lad because why would they put him in this movie if they aren’t going to do anything with him in the future? Each of these movies has had a post-credit scene with a hint as to what will happen in the future of Marvel, and a piece of me is so content if this truly just ended with a callback to the past, to the man who started it all.

I didn’t stop crying until I got in the car with my friends, scream-sobbed, and then had to pull it together in order to drive and not die in a fiery car wreck even though that would’ve been better than going back to the theater again and again to have my heart shattered even more.

I’m never gonna be okay again, but this is it. This marks the end of my childhood, even though I’m in my 20’s now. The comics, the movies, the merch, it all symbolized my childlike wonder. I know that Marvel will continue making movies, but these were the heroes I fell in love with. Before the release of the first Iron Man, I had fallen in love with the comic book personas of these characters. Iron Man, Captain America, Spider-Man, Hulk, Thor, Hawkeye, Black Widow, FUCKING MOON KNIGHT (I need a Moon Knight movie, ngl) were all characters I fell in love with (there’s a lot more, but I’m too emotional to sit here and list every single one of them). Then, actors who felt like they were made for these roles brought my favorite characters to life. With this being the end of the superheroes I loved growing up, it’s essentially marking the end of my childhood. I grew up reading these comics, and I watched the movies as they came out in theaters with my dad. Now, I go with my dad, with friends, with my uncle, my brother. Sometimes I see them alone if it’s the fifth or sixth time seeing it. Still, this marks the end of an era, and I have so much appreciation in my heart for these actors who brought to life my heroes. I have so much love in my heart for Stan Lee, who made my life one filled with superheroes and childlike wonder. This journey has meant the world to me, but every journey has an end. I will continue to watch the movies that have come out and will watch the new movies as they are released, but there will always be a little something missing. Either way, I will continue to support this franchise for all the happiness it has given to me over the years and all the happiness it will continue to give.

RDJ, we love you 3000.

Excelsior!

[skamfairy]

i saw your minş rant şn the tags of that post about wutherşng heights! can you rec us some books because you have taste in shows and i would love to hear about your taste in books!

Ahhhh thank you for asking angel 💖okay !! I’m sorry I ended up talking a lot about these books because I don’t think I talk about my fave books much and thinking about them made me get super emotional about my love for some of them so EEEE okay  

The sky is everywhere and I’ll give you the sun both by jandy Nelson - AHHHHHHHH I LOVE THESE BOOKS oh my god. The sky is everywhere had a huge impact on me because it taught me something extremely profound and important about grief and loss that I really needed at the time and it’s stuck with me since. I still remember what it taught me and just for that it’s special to me. It really is. It also had this emotionally raw and honest thing about it by including short poems and sentences written by the character that  aren't like fake deep or anything they feel real and raw and something that a teenager struggling with grief would write and I really love that.

 I’ll give you the sun is absolutely brilliant. I think I like the characters a lot better. We get two povs and they tell two different parts of the story and it’s really cool. But most importantly this book makes you feel everything and I mean everything. Pain, love, joy, loss, the beauty of art??? Seriously I wish everyone read this book. There’s again something very raw and honest about the characters and their emotions but the writing is also so god damn poetic. AHHHHH I love this book. I recommend reading I'll give you the sun first because I think it's my fave out of these two but I love both. But like please read I'll give you the sun please PLEASE God I want people to read it no one talks about it and they should.

 If we were villains by M. L. Rio - this is the only book I’ve managed to read this year! Lmao (don’t worry I’ve read a lot of hp fan fiction tho) my friend Allie sent this to me and I loved it a lot!! I was really surprised by this book it made me feel things and I loved the characters. If you don’t mind something pretentious (but like it knows it ya know?) with lots of Shakespeare !!!!! Ahhhhhh !!! Then you’ll love it 

Just one day and the sequel just one year by Gayle Forman - Okay this is a romance that I remember really enjoying because it kinda ends up focusing on the main character than the romance itself and we watch her grow and develop and discover her place in the world and idk it’s been a while since I read it but I remember really connecting with it for some reason. And we get to see different countries which is cool. I think I have an idea on why I like it so much but I don’t want to spoil rhejskwjjez. But yeah this is really nice if you want a romance!!  

Jessica by Bryce Courtenay - okay huge content warning- not at all a happy book. If you want happy move along sjekekekee if you want a book that makes you feel and I mean truly TRULY feel to the point where your heart is pretty much being stepped on by this book then READ THIS. Okay I'm not selling it very well. It's painful but oh my god this book is so beautifully written, the characters are powerful and so fucking heartbreaking. I know it sounds dramatic but I swear this book changed me. I read it really young and I have a terrible memory but I still remember every single thing that happens in this novel and how it made me feel. It really showcases the lengths people will go to to reach their goals, destroying anything and anyone in their path and the heartbreaking brutality of human nature. I have a thing for characters and stories that focus on the things that drive humans to break and resort to a form of human nature that is scary and confusing and heart wrenching, merging love and hate into this strange thing that makes you struggle to understand but can’t look away. Ah man I’m sorry I have so many feelings about this book and I feel like I’ve never talked about it to anyone much because no one I know has read it sjssjwkwkwkw. So yeah this is only for those who are up for tragedy. It’s also set in rural Australia during WW1 

Saving Francesca and Looking for Alibrandi both by Melina Marchetta - honestly I recommend anything written by melina. There's something about the way she writes that really stabs you in the heart and makes you feel and experience everything the characters are feeling and going through so strongly. Idk if it's just me but I find myself really connecting and relating to the characters to the point where I find myself overwhelmed with the pain that comes from hearing how they think and feel about themselves. Ah man. My fave is defs saving Francesca but these are both real good and a bonus is that there is a movie adaptation of Looking for Alibrandi starring Aussie legend Pia Miranda and its iconic.

Finding Cassie crazy by Jaclyn Moriarty (it’s called the year of secret assignments outside of australia I think)  - this is the book that made me fall in love with reading when I was younger. If you love friendships, great characters and books made up entirely of letters and journal entries and stuff then you should like this!!!

I’m starting to realise I never talk about my fave books to people. At least not much. Or recommend them, it’s weird but my love for some of these books feels so personal and close to my soul and I feel really vulnerable sharing that with people because if they hate it then they hate a part of me and it’s so dumb Shsjsjsjsnnw but somehow I feel that way??? Do you guys feel like that with some stuff? Is it just me? Is it silly? Like idk I feel so deeply and a huge part of me feels incredibly connected to these books I’m so intense I’m sorry shsjsjsjs

Anyway I hope something here sounds good to you !! if not I’m sorry. I really like books that make me feel and connect and that’s kinda what’s here shajakak.

[completetrashforyou]

The Spaces in Between (Lexi Howard Edition)

The parts we don’t see of Miss Lexi Howard: a character we all love yet know nothing about. 

Jules has been acting differently for some time now.

The kind of different that isn’t obviously seen but heavily felt. The kind you dance around and have to look dead in the eyes but refuse to acknowledge. Early on during their trip, Jules had hopped off the happy train and taken a different route altogether, leaving Rue to watch silently from afar; unable to sacrifice herself possibly falling off.

 -

If before they raced on their bikes going back home, now they idly circled about each other like sharks closing in on easy prey. If before Rue automatically entered Jules’ house; pulled along by invisible red string, now it weighed heavy on her heart once they’d ‘round Levinson street; knowing it’d be the last she’d see of Jules for that day.

 If before she felt sure, now she trembled with doubt.

 “How was school?” her mom greets hopefully.

“Uhhh, great! Great. Me and Jules are doing great thanks for asking” she rushes out, heading straight for her bedroom. Gia rolls her eyes before returning to her math homework and their mom purses her lips in worry.

 “Hey honey how was your day?” “Why is everyone asking me about Rue? She’s fine, we’re fine, end of discussion.” Jules’ father stares at her retreating figure, mouth open in bewilderment.

 Rue climbs into her bed without any plans of getting out and a few streets over, Jules does the same. Their unspoken burdens divide them like the pit of hot lava you were never supposed to touch as a kid and the pillows thrown carelessly about the floor were the only safe steps the two ever dared to take. Worst part is, what happened between them couldn’t even be characterized as a burnout for that would entail that that the two had something constant and lasting to begin with. It was more like a budding flower set to grace the world with her beauty suddenly decapitated and left out to dry.

 Yet as painful all of this was, neither dared to move because when you’re 17 and struggle with mental illness and past traumatic experiences, staying put is all you can muster in the face of adversity.

-

Jules was to arrive from her hometown that day and Rue didn’t know how to feel about it if she was being honest. Her stomach twisted itself in knots when her mind wandered off to what she had possibly discovered during her weekend away and if said discovery would permanently replace her. She accepts that she’s nothing special. Problematic, even.

 But so was Jules. Rue knew that now. They knew that now.

“Do you know what you’re going to do? Do you…have a plan?” Lexi asks from her spot at the foot of the bed.

 She discards the pretend-police badge somewhere and goes to lie on her stomach next to Rue, whose gaze was fixated on the ceiling. Up this close Lexi can still see traces of her youth that haven’t been stolen by her drug addiction. Like the incessant manner in which Rue’s bottom lip would twitch when she felt vulnerable and the few freckles that peppered their way onto the bridge of her nose (most visible after long days spent at the beach).

“Honestly Lexi… with Jules I’ve never known what I was doing... kinda like when I first kissed her.”

Her lips curve ever so slightly at the memory that Lexi would’ve missed it if she wasn’t so transfixed on them.

“The first time I kissed her was just out of… complete emotion. Whatever the fuck my heart wanted to do in that moment, I just set it free and… boom.”

“Boom?”

“Yup,” Rue pops the ‘p’, gestures an explosion with her hands, “our friendship blew up into pieces. And then… then she showed up at my room one night and I let her in and gave her my shirt to sleep in and the whole time I had no idea what the fuck I was doing either. My heart was racing again and my brain was, logically, telling me to stay away because I still had feelings for her but of course I ignored that motherfucker and… boom.”

“…do I have to say boom agai-“

“Yes you do Lexi how else am I going to continue my story?”

“BOOM?!” She exclaims exaggeratingly, rolling her eyes but unable to hide her smile at their stupid banter (it was what she missed most).

“Yes, boom indeed” Rue nods, gaze faraway.

“She kissed me and I exploded with happiness. That was all I knew. That she made me happy. Really really fucking happy” she sighs.

 “...well how about now?”

“Well now… I’m not so clueless anymore am I? I know that Nate, that mother fucker, is the reason she’s been acting so weird…and distant. He did something to her- still is onto something- and I’m going to find out what that is if it’s the last thing I do.”

 It was always Rue who made the world somehow feel smaller. Her parents screaming bouts would permeate the walls of her shared bedroom with Cassie when they were younger. Cassie would have her friends from school sleep over nearly every night. Their father would go on to disappear from their lives and their mother would begin her fast decent into alcoholism (she might as well not be there anymore too).

 This accumulation of events in Lexi’s short life has created the person everyone always knows of but no one actually knows. 

That one friend in the group who just stopped showing up for lunch and now eats alone (because she eventually got tired of never being invited to birthday parties and having to walk behind everyone else on narrow sidewalks). That one kid during trick-or-treating who would stand to the side, wait for the others to pick their favorite chocolate bars, and be left with the spicy, cinnamon hard candies that literally no one ate. The one with the super hot sibling. The one whose almost always forgotten at headcounts and is picked last for anything team-related in PE.

That was Lexi Howard. She never felt like a part of anything or anyone. Hell, not even her own family.

 All except with Rue. Rue Rue Rue. Her best-est friend. The only one who showed up to her 5th birthday party (despite handing out invitations to a class of 30). The only one who would listen, really listen, to her ramblings (albeit a tad judgmental). Rushing home after school every boring weekday to watch their favorite tv shows; capri-suns and goldfish crumbs, latest crushes and friendship bracelets made from beads that took the both of them much too long for the pieces with the letters to spell their names would always go missing.

 In a world where no one noticed Lexi’s humble beauty next to her infamous sister, Rue Bennet was the one person who made her feel seen. Valid. Important. She crumpled up the doubts always badgering Lexi’s mind with a simple smile and turned her darkest days around with a single text message to go for a bike ride.

 When Lexi had asked Rue “how about now?” only moments ago, she wanted to know if Jules still made her ‘so fucking happy’, not what Rue would do about their recent discoveries.

 Rue meant everything to her. And for the first time ever in her short life, Lexi experiences the acid-like burn of jealousy brewing at the pit of her stomach.

Spaces in Between part 1

[bigskydreaming]

Had a chance to watch Ant-Man and the Wasp finally, and I don’t have enough time to post my thoughts in full now, so making a note to come back to it later:

Scott Lang is Valid. All Scotts are Valid. Scott Lang, Scott Summers and Scott McCall should start a We Are Valid club.

Hank Pym and Hope van Dyne can both go jump in a fucking lake. Yeah I said Hope too, and I meant it. While nothing new, what this movie obliviously shows about how insidiously ingrained classism is, at the  most fundamental levels of our society and entertainment, is....something.

Like, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with Hank and Hope’s passion to rescue Janet. What IS fucked up is how at every turn, their need to do so and restore their family is upheld as sacrosanct and justifying everything done in the name of that mission, while at the exact same time they have absolutely no regard for Scott’s desires to do the exact same thing with his family. Because they are the wealthy ones, the upper class, the patrons of the equipment Scott uses. He’s just their lackey, his heroism conditional on whether or not they even deign to grant him access to their toys, their mission of Family Over All must always be the priority, and when this conflicts with Scott’s own mission of Family Over All, this is either an obstacle or an annoyance in their eyes, or an outright betrayal at other points.

With the insidious part I was talking about being that the narrative supports their assertion that their needs are more important, the writers oblivious to the fact that their own unconscious biases in this regard (Upper Class equals Better or at least More Necessary) have them throwing their own titular hero under the bus in defense of this basic premise...a premise so basic they don’t even REALIZE their story is crafted to make this argument. (And srsly, another thing all these Scott protags have in common, lmao, like wtf is it with main characters named Scott who are treated as the villains of their own story for daring to stand up for their own needs and wants and not being willing to sacrifice everything they care about for the sake of people who would never sacrifice themselves or their wants for them??? Again...Scott McCall, Scott Summers, now Lang. Weeeeeird. Anyway).

But like, Hope literally abducts Scott in order to obtain his help rescuing Janet, waving off every objection he has as to how this could jeopardize his freedom and ability to y’know...RAISE HIS DAUGHTER, because her mission to save her mother, missing from her life for 20 years, is Valid, but his mission to NOT spend 20 years missing from his daughter’s life....she’s like, meh, can’t relate....okay wtfever. Everything Scott says about his concerns regarding potential consequences for his own life are dismissed as trivial and inconsequential. It’s covered and taken care of, he’s repeatedly assured, thanks to their arrangements that they put very little time and effort into crafting...and thus fall apart at like...the slightest provocation, like the very second anything with the rest of their plans starts to go wrong, it all unravels there. So like....his fears and worries are NOT trivial, the narrative even bears that out, it just also tries to at the same time defend their position of treating them as lesser than their own concerns.

Like Scott tells his trusted friend, the person HE values and has every faith in (faith that is born out by the fact that Luis only revealed their location via truth serum), where to find them so he can help Luis with their work plans they need to salvage their own careers and keep their business running, and Hank and Hope AND the narrative are like wtf dude, this is the worst thing you could ever do, and of course now the bad guys found us, what a bonehead move this was.

Even though, again, Hank and Hope literally drafted Scott against his will over his objections and gaining his full cooperation only after making promises to handle his concerns, promises that ARE NOT MET, because they are not infallible....but this doesn’t get acknowledged. Instead its emphasized that the guy who had the least agency here is the fuckup, for daring to prioritize his own needs and wants and job and livelihood and friends and coworkers and family over theirs, when they show zero actual empathy for any of his. Like, its textbook classism, Hank and Hope sniping at Scott all movie about how bad off they are because they’re on the run after what he did in Germany, their lives and careers are tarnished....but because Scott’s job isn’t as important as the things they do, its literally treated by them and the narrative itself as being irrelevant, not worth prioritizing. Scott’s ‘mistake’ in trusting a friend that under normal circumstances absolutely is trustworthy, is spotlighted, while their mistakes, relying on contingencies that aren’t actually able to support how much they rely on them, once things go south....are swept under the rug.

(And for the record, in regards to Scott’s going to Germany with their tech resulting in Hank and Hope’s reversal of fortunes....I mean, Hope basically says to Scott’s face her real issue is just that he didn’t ask her to go along. That its not even his actions or motivations they object to, so much as just his not asking their permission first. Using their tech under his own power, not as an extension of theirs. Even though elsewhere in the MCU, heroes are celebrated for following their consciences rather than upholding obligations they made to the persons responsible for empowering them in the first place - look at Steve defying the wills of those who gave him the Super Soldier serum, look at Dr. Strange defying the wills of his teachers who told him to keep his hands off the Time Gem, etc, etc. But the ex-con given size-shifting tech for the sole purposes of whatever the hell his ‘bosses’ tell him to do with it does the same, and the narrative’s like WHAT WERE YOU THINKING. And Hope’s final parting shot on the Germany matter again isn’t even that he was wrong....its that if she’d gone with him, he’d never have been caught. Like lol wooooow writers, way to obliviously lampshade your awareness that the rich will always have a get out of jail free card that the struggling single father literally does not).

And then back to what I was saying about how the writers throw their own hero under the bus for the sake of Hank and Hope’s wants (and yes I’m aware this is supposed to be Hope’s movie as much as Scott’s, but Scott was very clearly the protag of the movie this is a sequel to, so I’m not attempting to diminish Hope’s significance to the franchise, because again, none of this is me saying that Hope’s motivations aren’t valid, just that them always being elevated ABOVE Scott’s, her co-protag, is not)......like look at the convo Scott has with Cassie after they fake out Woo and Scott has what’s supposed to be his Come to Jesus revelation about his own actions. He literally tells his daughter that he’s a fuck up and he hurts people even when he tries to do the right thing, when like....source????

That framing only works if you, like the writers, take for granted Hank and Hope are in the right when they view Scott ‘ditching’ them/their mission in order to go make sure Woo doesn’t catch him out of the house and lock him up for twenty years as some great betrayal. IT’S NOT! It’s literally just him doing the EXACT same thing they do the entire movie! PUTTING HIS FAMILY FIRST. Every single time Scott talks about his status as an ex-con and his fears about being locked up, its NEVER about his own personal freedom or about all the things he wants to do that he can’t while on house arrest, etc. It’s always, ALWAYS centered around one thing and one thing only - making sure he’s able to be there for his daughter. This is his ENTIRE motivation through the entire film, the movie itself acknowledges it, and THEN it proceeds to INVALIDATE this by saying Scott prioritizing THIS over helping Hank and Hope rescue THEIR loved one is SELFISH.

A refusal to self-sacrifice for the sake of those unwilling to do the same IS. NOT. SELFISH. It’s just not! And the only way to make the argument it is, is by doing exactly what this movie does with its classism - take for granted that the lower class character is EXPECTED to sacrifice for his betters, while them doing the same in return would be deemed exceptional or proof of their selflessness, but it is certainly not something anyone should or would expect them to do.

But nah. The writers just do not even GET that they’ve elevated Hank and Hope over one of their own story’s protags to this degree, so they don’t think twice about making Scott’s prioritization of his family, his daughter, a FLAW he has to learn to overcome, IN A CONVO WITH THAT VERY SAME DAUGHTER, in order to be a true hero, and put others ahead of himself (and his daughter). As long as they’re like, richer or smarter than him, at least.

I mean.....lol.

And let’s not get into the fact that Janet literally engineered a way to HIJACK SCOTT’S ENTIRE BODY AND MIND when ‘necessary’, and the movie just...rolls with this. Hank and Hope don’t even feel a need to point this out to Scott when it happens and he has no idea what just happened. LOL. It’s so taken for granted that his role in all of this is to do or be whatever they want or need him to do or be, that like....the writers literally write his entire body being used without his knowledge or will...being something unremarkable. Not even worth noting. Unlike the incessant way any time Scott uses their tech without their express permission or for his own purposes, this is him having no respect for their genius in making it or their generosity in allowing him to use it.

Course, let’s also not get into the fact that body hijacking as a trope needs to diiiiiiiiiiiie omg, or at the very least NOT be treated as an opportunity for comedy and levity. It’s not. Stop it. Can we please kill it with fire? I know we’ve been doing this for decades, but it doesn’t change the fact that the idea of someone else literally using a character’s body for their own ends without that character having any agency in this whatsoever....like, that is an idea that certainly is worth exploring, has merit as a story....WHEN TREATED AS AN ACTUAL VIOLATION. NOT AS A JOKE. Oy. But I digress.

Moving on, since apparently I lied when I said I didn’t have time so I was just making a note to do this later, lol wow who could’ve predicted that WHOOPS ME....Ava and Bill Were Right.

Isn’t it interesting how Hollywood spends so little time and effort making white antagonists and villains sympathetic....because they know they don’t need to! Audiences will do the work for them! They’ll bend over backwards looking for ways to justify any and everything a villain does as long as they’re hot enough, or charming enough, or smart enough....as well as white enough.

No, Hollywood these days saves the effort of crafting sympathetic backstories and motivations for villains when those villains are marginalized characters. Because they’ve at least figured out that much. That there’s too much backlash in ALWAYS painting black characters like Ava and Bill as villains with no motivation other than greed or a desire for violence or whatever. They get that at least. 

So when they make villains of color - and make no mistake, Ava and Bill were very much framed as the villains of this movie even if they were actually more just antagonists, with the technical villain being that white dude who is so irrelevant who even bothered LISTENING to his name? Like, the entire point of having Ava ramp up from her introduction as antagonistic but sympathetic to increasingly hostile to ‘our heroes’ to outright aggressive and violent at every turn (even though her motivations at no point changed, merely her desperation, as the very situation she was written as being in to make her sympathetic in the first place was actively worsening in a very real and tangible way)....like that’s fucking deliberate. The only point of that, narratively speaking, is for the writers to make the case like, this is WHY Ava does this, but see, now she’s gone too far, her reasons are an explanation but not an EXCUSE, this isn’t defensible at this point.

Y’know, kinda like I pointed out Hank and Hope’s motivations are perfectly understandable and an explanation for their actions, but not an excuse for the way they prioritize them over Scott’s motivations and concerns. Cuz just like Hank and Hope are essentially the villains of Scott’s story in my eyes, for that, the deliberate shift from focusing the spotlight on Ava’s motivations to focusing it on her increasingly ‘unhinged’ actions happens solely to ensure audiences SEE Ava as the villain even if technically there’s a worse, ‘true’ villain and we’re reminded by the end of the story to be sympathetic to Ava’s situation - once Janet has deigned to make that argument in her support. An argument that never would have needed making, mind you, if the narrative had kept the focus on how understandable Ava’s motivations were the whole time, instead of shifting that focus to the effect it had on the heroes, the ‘good guys’ ergo how could anyone hurting them be anything but the bad guy.

But my point here is like, Hollywood at least gets that when they have villains of color or other marginalizations, they have to at least make an effort to make them sympathetic....so long as its implicitly understood that no matter how sympathetic their actions, they’re still misguided. Still WRONG. Still not in the right. Like the good guys. The heroes.

Except....lol. AVA AND BILL WEREN’T WRONG. EVER. AT ANY POINT. THEIR MOTIVATIONS WERE EVERY BIT AS UNDERSTANDABLE, RATIONAL, AND JUSTIFIABLE AS HANK AND HOPE AND SCOTT’S. THE ENTIRE TIME.

And that’s the NEW (not new as in recent, just new as in latest) problem with how Hollywood writes marginalized villains....they put just enough thought into seeing things from their eyes that they’re able to craft sympathetic origins and motivations at all....and then they very firmly and deliberately slam on the brakes the second they’ve done that. REFUSING to go any further, to take that one step more...and not even because they can’t, but because they KNOW....that has the capacity to outright FLIP who is the villain and who is the hero in the story.

Because its literally all just about the framing. Scott and Hope and Hank aren’t the good guys because their needs and wants are better or purer than Bill and Ava’s. They’re the good guys for the SOLE reason that all of those characters have equally human wants and desires, and THESE are the ones the writers chose to present to their viewers as the good guys. To single out and say via their contexts and framing and the choices they WRITE every character making....in comparison, relative to everyone else in the film, THESE are the characters who are MOST right. MOST valid. And thus who you’re expected to support.

You could have written this EXACT SAME STORY from Ava and Bill’s POVs, called it Goliath and the Ghost (Goliath is comic book Bill Foster’s superhero code name)....and Ava and Bill would have been the heroes, while Hank Pym was the villain.

THE. EXACT. SAME. STORY.

Because the thing about Ava and Bill’s actions being understandable, the thing the writers and director KNEW and thus took actual, deliberate steps to COUNTER, so Ava and Bill DIDN’T end up stealing the designated ‘hero’ roles of the film....is that by virtue of their motivations being sympathetic, understandable....THEY WERE AS RIGHT AS ANYONE ELSE IN THE MOVIE.

We are all the heroes of our own stories. We are all the villains of someone else’s. That’s not just a cliche, a platitude. It’s like....a writing lesson. It’s literally JUST about the framing. JUST about who you focus on, who you CHOOSE to uphold as right and wrong, or right and more right.

Ava and Bill weren’t wrong. The movie just put every effort into making sure audiences were left with the takeaway (effectively speaking, not nominally)...that Hank and Hope were MORE right. 

I leave Scott out because again, he was just kinda along for the ride here. His motivations remained as static as anyone else’s....he wanted to help, but as long as his daughter always came first....and thus Scott got pulled along in any direction those with more power and agency than him pulled on those particular threads. Characters can be just as influenced by the focus they’re exposed to as audiences. Scott’s exposure was to Hank first and foremost, thus just like the audience’s exposure was more to Hank than to Bill and Ava, Hank got more chances to explain HIS side of the story, HIS motivations, HIS reasons to Scott than Bill and Ava did. Just as is true of audiences. If Scott had met Bill first, for instance, if Bill had given Scott Goliath tech instead of Hank giving Scott Ant-Man tech, if Bill was the one Scott had more history with, personal investment in, and reasons to hear out...its every bit as likely Scott would have been on Bill and Ava’s side all along. Just like, again, is true of audiences. If every scene where Hank got to explain his version of events, his reasons for doing what he did back in the days of SHIELD and his associations with Bill and Ava’s father....if those scenes had instead been giving to Bill doing exactly the same thing, again.....audiences would have been just as likely to land Team Bill and Ava than the team the writers WANTED them to land on. 

Because when everyone has a reason for doing what they’re doing, especially when everyone has a GOOD and understandable and SYMPATHETIC reason for what they’re doing...and these reasons lead to choices that put them in conflict with each other....

For all intents and purposes, its all the same at that point. Which means the ones who end up being the good guys, the heroes of the story, is PURELY the result of the intentional, deliberate choice writers make as to WHO they push forward and support as the ones whose motivations and choices we’re MOST meant to sympathize with, to identify with, and thus cheer for.

And that’s where Hollywood keeps failing time and time again with marginalized villains. Racism has literally written Hollywood into a corner where they obstinately INSIST on staying cuz racists gonna racist. That’s ultimately what it boils down to. As uncomfortable as it makes people to hear, even something like this film is inherently as white supremacist as any MAGA-hat wearing propaganda spewer.

Because along with the deliberate choice to make marginalized villains sympathetic and not alienate marginalized or socially conscious centered audiences that way......Hollywood continues to make the equally deliberate choice to KEEP those marginalized characters as the villains. Instead of ever pushing that exploration of their motivations, that focus on their choices....just a little bit further....just far enough to tilt the scales, flip the frame, and make them the heroes of the story instead.

And when you’re talking about black villains in particular, like with this story, yup, sorry not sorry, that’s white supremacy. Even if its not the particularly obvious, ‘ugly’ aggressive kind....that’s still a deliberate upholding of white motivations as Most Valid, for no other reason than to keep the white characters the MOST sympathetic...and thus the heroes.

When your black villains are ONLY villains because you literally refuse to LET them be the heroes, if it comes at the expense of white characters you yourself have written to be as not any more or less understandable than them, just that you’ve made the decision to be more personally invested in.....that’s literally upholding the white characters as ‘supreme’, narratively speaking, because they’re white, and you’re white, and that’s all that matters at the end of the day.

*Shrugs* Anyway, ultimately my take is there’s a lot to like about Ant-Man and the Wasp, from certain angles. Scott’s a likable protag with a solid and relatable characterization, when the narrative chooses to uphold and support him. There’s funny bits, there’s nice, soft moments. I like that it was a superhero story where the inciting events and ultimate mission had a smaller, more contained focus than saving the world, that it was ultimately about saving family, using superpowers and superpowered stakes to go above and beyond in rescue or defense of individuals rather than only justifying such powers and stakes in defense of society or civilization at large....I think that’s a good note that a lot of superhero movies moving forward can benefit from. Tighter focus works just as well as broader focus so long as you use either appropriately.

But all that said....nope. Not good enough. Because also at the end of the day, IMO, like I said, its still a racist, classist movie singing the same old song with Hollywood and Marvel/Disney specifically, just willfully refusing to switch to another channel.

Because it didn’t need to be Scott’s story and it definitely didn’t need to be Hope and Hank’s. It could’ve just as easily been Ava’s story. It could’ve just as compellingly been her heroes’ journey. Self-empowerment, saving yourself from what others have done to you, is just as valid and defensible as saving a mother.

And the second they wrote Ava, who they initially had take off her mask to stand revealed as an exhausted and frightened young woman who went and curled up alone in some high-tech chamber to sleep....the second they took that same young woman they’d CHOSEN to write and introduce as sympathetic and understandable, that they’d introduced in such a way WITH INTENT....and then had her threaten Scott’s innocent daughter, with her own ally and father figure Bill then WRITTEN, with intent, as calling her out for this and threatening to abandon her if she does it, literally saying the words that she was going too far and thus signalling the writers’ clear stance that this made her now unsympathetic, this was a choice that was bad and thus she was now less valid and sympathetic than the heroes the writers still stood behind and supported, she was now less likely to ‘upstage’ them and steal audiences’ sympathies and support from them for herself instead....

That’s the second the movie fucked up and went just from uncomfortably classist but nothing new to just full on Nope, Fuck This Addition, IMO.

Because that was a conscious choice on the part of everyone involved. Willful intent. That was a giant Bat signal advertising that at least on some level, not even that deep, the writers were AWARE of how sympathetic they’d made Ava (how they’d intentionally made Ava)....and them then literally pulling back from that, BUILDING brakes for whatever train of thought Ava’s storyline had people heading down until then. Keeping her, narratively speaking, in her place. As a villain. Where they wanted her to be, and to stay.

And that’s just as fucking evil as any number of movies where the black character dies first or the gay character dies in their lover’s arms or any number of other more focused-on tropes known for their racism, homophobia, transphobia and the like.

When you set out to make your marginalized villains sympathetic and then put a CAP, a CEILING, on how sympathetic towards them you want audiences to be, when you say “I want you to understand them, just not enough to root for them,” when you make every effort to advertise “I see this character’s humanity, that they’re fundamentally no different from me, from any of these other heroes, they’re all the same....I’m just choosing to keep the white ones the heroes anyway”....fuck you. Honestly, that’s as bad as any other more obvious racism. That’s as much propaganda as any other instance.

I want people to care, just not care too much....because they still gotta care about the white character most....

Nope. Fuck ‘em. Burn it with the rest of the MCU’s trashiest takes. Scott Lang is Valid and Cassie Lang is precious, I really truly adore any focus on a single dad whose entire world honestly revolves around his kid, and I’ll read all the found family fic where its the Langs teaming up with Bill Foster and Ava Starr, but  this narrative was bad, These Are Not the Heroes You’re Looking For, and Hank and co. can go fuck off to the quantum realm where their irrelevance can finally be equal to their ego.

[tasha-lemon]

Tag (MUSIC TAG)

Tagged by @havocinthebluebox, YAS !

• List 10 artists you like before answering the questions

In no particular order:

1 -  Lady Gaga

2 - The Gazette

3 - Kyo

4 - Goldman

5 - Big Bang

6 - Fatal Bazooka (fight me)

7 - Christina Aiguilera

8 - Shakira

9 - Ylvis

10 - Caravan Palace

● What was the first song you ever heard by 6?

Hoooo... mmmm... “Fous ta cagoule”. I didn”t like it but I kinda gote used to the character and now I love Fatal Bazooka. I had very Bad Taste but I FUCKING LOVE IT.

● What is your favourite song of 8?

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. It’s reaaaly hard... Let’s say Loca (spanish versionXD) I love the rythm and ambiance. It remains me of summer and friend.

● What kind of impact has 1 left on your life?

You have no idea. I went to two Lady gaga’s concert, with my best friend and those are my favorite mémories, COME ON. But in general, her song get me on every level, I can dance, laught, cry, scream on Lady Gaga.

● What are your favourite lyrics by 5?

... this is a Corean group, fuck you. I can’t understand a single word when they sing, so, the only part I can sing (mostly) : Wow, fantastic baby Boomshakalaka Boomshakalaka Boomshakalaka Dan-dan-dan-dan-dance

● How many times have you seen 4 live?

Zero. I’m not a realy huge fan of live, except for Lady gaga (or Caravan Palace, eventualy).

● What is your favourite song by 7?

Christina Aiguilera ooooh... If i can count her movie Burlesque, i’m gonna stay with Express, who always get me in the mood “i have lingerie, lipstick and baby i could kill the world”. If I can’t count this movie, Your Body (but let’s be honest, I realy love when she sing in the “oldy, vintage” style, like Candy Man or Ain’t no other man) AND. My favorite ever but I think it would’nt count because it’s a collaboration, Lady Marmalade.

● Is there any song by 3 that makes you sad?

Ho. HO BOY. Like all my generation, I could go with the most incredible “Une dernière danse”, but I was more a Je saigne encore girl. I used to be jealous about my ex’s girlfriend when we were teenagers and every time this song came I was like “oh, I can relate”. Very dramatic 16 years old Tasha. (If you want to mock me, get in mind that know I’m back with this ex. YEP)

● What is your favourite song by 9?

Someone like me. If you have 4:17 minutes PLEASE LISTEN. It has romantic comedi music and dubstep. IN. THE. SAME. FUCKING. SONG. This is a masterpiece.

● How did you first get into 2?

One of my friend when I was 15 was a HUGE fan of The Gazette. One time I asked her who the gorgeous person on her notebook was. She smiled, told be it was the singer of the best j-rock bangs ever and she maked me listen Cassis (I liked it but I was kinda in a “yep maybe” mood). the she switched on Taion. God. Taion. Taion hited me so hard I froze and started listen that fucking song for days and weeks. Until now I love The Gazette, I would kill for a concert and I will protect my babies in every circonstances (Uruha my love^^). And I can post aaaall my The Gazette stuff knowing @havocinthebluebox will apreciate this XP.

● How did you get into 10?

Okay, sad story coming (trigger warning death) : My boyfriend (the ex from question with the 3) lost his father two years ago in very difficult circonstances. Back in this time, we were best friend and I immedialty send him a message and started talk to him and just be there. He had to fly back in Martinique and one day, I texted him and asked him what he was doing.

“I’m listening Caravan Palace.”

“Is that a band ?”

“Electro swing.”

“I don’t know this.”

“You don’t knows this ?! Electro swing ? Okay, go on youtube and put Lonely Digger. My favorite is Rock it for me but I know that you are gonna love Lonely Digger. it’s your style.”

He was so right, so so fucking right. Even I love a lot of Caravan palaces song, Lonely Digger was MY song. The only one.

AND I’M TAGGING @imyourliquor-youremypoison @fitzchivalrysfool and @rapha-writes (but I think havocinthebluebox tagged you first but i can’t remember...)

[sixmorningsafter]

76 Theses

Oh hey there, Gabi. Long time no see. Hope your summer is going well as if I don’t already know because I follow you on Instagram, and I hope your med school prep isn’t destroying you I’m going to grad school in the fall, so girl I can only imagine. EDIT: GIRL HOW DID YOU POST A CHAPTER TWO DAYS BEFORE YOU MOVED AND STARTED OVER IN ANOTHER PLACE FOR FREAKIN’ MED SCHOOL

LMAOOOO FWIW I didn’t start over, I literally moved like 30 minutes away (and my family did a solid 75% of the work because what are big over-involved Puerto Rican families for). Summer was GLORIOUS. And 6 months ago, loooooool, I’M THE WORST. But you’re the best. This review is the best. Hope you’re crushing grad school (I know you are instinctively but I also know you are because I’ve talked to you about it and despite your humble nonsense I can tell you’re killin’ it). ANYWAY, diving on in to this literary masterpiece of a review:

Anyways, let me start by saying, literally every time you post a new chapter, I think “I’m ready, let’s go”. But literally, every time I read a new chapter, I am not ready, and you slay me every single freakin’ time. Dude, I have no clue how you do it, but every time, I die. Any more deaths, and I’d be a freakin’ Winchester.

A/N: looooool that’s incredible because every time I post a new chapter I think ‘this is it, this is where everyone realizes I don’t actually know how to write, it’s been fun’. But in all seriousness, girl, the fact that you make a point to send reviews after every chapter and go into detail like this is just–like honestly it’s reason enough to crank out 30K words of my bullshit. Not even kidding. If literally no one but you read this story I’d still write it because getting your hilarious whip-smart reviews are life. It’s so appreciated. It’s so appreciated.  

Off the bat, while you may believe this is a “filler” chapter, it is a damn good filler I wish I could write filler chapters as nicely and uniquely wtf. If you meant filler as in full of wonderful delightfulness, then yas girl this is the filler-est of filler chapters. Because if you meant this is some fluff piece that has nothing of substance, if you thought for once second that we aren’t thriving off the Bamon drama of the Steroline giggles, we’d all have to chase you out of town good thing you’re already moving.

This chapter is amazing, and on a personal spiritual level, I still can not get over your similes. I know that sounds silly and amateur, but while you’re hella awesome at metaphors, your similes, dude, are unique af, and every single time I write something that barely resembles something you’ve written, I’m staring at my screen like what the actual fuck is the nonsense? Sooooo, rest assured, this chapter is awesome (to be explained in great detail), and you’re awesome too (also to be explained in greater detail).

LMAOOOOO CASSIE I HAD TO LOOK UP WHAT A FUCKING SIMILE WAS HELP ME WHY AM I HERE. But DUDE, I actually have some words to say about this, the first ones being - GAH. Thanks so, so much love. I’m beaming. The second ones being - I ALWAYS think they’re weird when I write them. Seriously. Like that feeling you said you get when you try getting creative with a description is the exact same one I get -ROLL WITH IT. I had to learn that by just sucking it up and posting shit with unusual descriptions and then seeing what kind of feedback I got for it (which tbh makes it sound like I’ve been doing it for a while lololol but I actually just recently started challenging myself to get more creative with my descriptions for things). It actually came from constantly reading writing with cool imagery (Six of Crows was a great one!) and realizing that they never fell back on tired/common metaphors. They always used something unique (Kaz’s voice being like dry leaves scattering across pavement or w/e? Lmao you know how I felt about the constant descriptions of Kaz’s voice but I loved that one). I’m clearly nowhere near that level but I’ve definitely taken to stopping a few times while writing and going, ‘Wait. This is a chance to come up with something cool. Slow down. Do better.’ Cause tbh I have no instinct for it. I don’t think in creative metaphors or similes or whatever. But if I labor over it for a minute or two I can maybe come up with something, so yeah, THE POINT OF ALL THIS BEING - it probably sounds a lot better to a reader than it will to you. They feel and read unnaturally to me because they don’t come naturally to me, lol, but the people reading probs don’t know that so trust yourself! Do it! Knowing you and your talent they’re probably incredible.

Okay, so, in an attempt not to be mundane, let’s go through this fav line by fav line please forgive me if I just rewrite the whole chapter because ff.net doesn’t let you copy/paste

“She remembered feeling alarmed, a little helpless, like a plastic bag caught in the middle of a hurricane” (us FL girls can spot one another from miles away) (but also???? great simile). Poor Damon, but also poor Bonnie. This girl is just tryna help—it’s the core of her being, tbh—and this boy is too proud. Not like proud-proud, but that oh-shit-I’m-exposed proud. You know.  A/N: AMERICAN BEAUTY REFERENCE WHADDUP. Lol I was channeling that plastic bag shot at the end of the movie. Granted there’s no hurricane in that but you know, us Florida girls put hurricanes into everything. And yeah, that’s a great read on Damon. His pride/confidence is something he uses as a shield more than anything, which isn’t to say it’s fake exactly, but more so something he relies on to stay detached and not really have to deal with things. It’s easy for him to be like ‘world sucks, I don’t care’. Anytime anyone sees below that confidence/armor, though, it’s really destabilizing for him because it makes the reality of his fears/anxieties harder to ignore, ya know?

Kai calling out “Friends?” is the most relatable thing. He’s a murdery little bean.

“And sure, maybe she’s being a giant, hypocritical pot to his doesn’t-deal-with-childhood-trauma kettle…” Yes girl, these lines are really awesome. Also, I like how Bonnie recognizes the cycle right away. She’s like ‘been there done that broseph’.

“Do you have any pop tarts?” this girl asks. Lol when you stress eat. Btw, we never find out if she got them??? I need answers???? I feel like Kai could 3D print pop tarts if he needed to.

“Toodles”: I had a friend (loose usage of the term) in hs who used to say that, for real, and it’s funny ‘cause she was this gossipy diva (Bekah?) and reading this just sent me back. Also, toodles is such a passive-aggressive thing to say, especially for Care. I don’t think toodles has ever been said without the backing vocal of ‘I hate you please die’.

“… the prospect of going through the whole song and dance made her bones ache, it was so tiring.” FINALLY, CAROLINE, YOU’RE FREE OF THE CURSE I can tell not really, but, at least, we’re getting through some of that warding doe. RIGHT!? Lol I was excited to put that bit in because it was sort of my attempted nod to everyone reading that it was okay (actually encouraged!) to feel frustrated with Caroline’s constant mood swings because she herself hated them. They weren’t meant to be read as a some ‘fascinating complicated girl’ thing, you know? I feel like a lot of shows (esp. with male writers) like to write these female characters that are difficult and volatile for the sake of being ‘interesting’ and I kind of wanted everyone to know that I wasn’t going for that. Caroline’s coming from a place of fear. She knows what she’s doing isn’t fair. She knows it’s angering and more trouble than it’s worth. And even more than that, she hates it just as much as everyone else does, and by the time we hit chapter 16, she’s finally too drained to listen to that frantic instinct to self-preserve. She just throws caution to the wind and lets it go. It’s still scary for her but what can you do. But you’re right, she’s getting there!

***Side Note*** when is Tyler gonna be a thing, I need some sma Tyler in my life rn Me toooooooo he’s my husband. He should be popping in for 18 or 19!

Stefan’s recap of what happened, “you planned the homecoming dance at the same time as the football game”/”False” is great. I really love your back-and-forth dialogue, like always, ‘cause it’s natural and it’s funny as hell. Idk, when I write it (or sometimes when I read other people’s), it doesn’t have that same fast pace hilarity. Maybe that’s just me. It’s definitely just you cause I’ve read your dialogue and it’s hilarious, but one thing I’ve found that super speeds up dialogue is removing the dialogue tags. Seriously. Makes a world of difference. Like I don’t think it’s even possible to write an extended snappy exchange with dialogue tags tbh, cause your mind will just naturally slow it down to read the description. Half the time I go back to edit, I’m just removing unnecessary dialogue tags or descriptions that felt needed at the time. It helps if you can pick dialogue that sort of speaks for itself in terms of how it’s said, too (and realizing that once you’ve set the tone of a conversation, you really don’t need to keep re-emphasizing that tone - it really only needs to be addressed if there’s a shift imo). Also, I’ve kind of found that leaving out subjects can both make dialogue sound way more natural and also speed it up. Like even in the example you used below: “You’re ridiculous”/ “Effective” / “Terrifying”/ “Productive”/ “And impressive as hell” it wouldn’t read the same if it was: “You’re ridiculous.” “I’m effective.” “You’re terrifying.” “I’m productive.” “And you’re impressive as hell.” See how it slows it down? And throw in dialogue tags and it’s even slower. “You’re ridiculous,” he said. “I’m effective,” I countered. “You’re terrifying,” he replied. “I’m productive,” I quipped. “And you’re impressive as hell,” he concluded. To me that just completely changes the speed/flow. So yeah, there’s my unsolicited advice on snappy dialogue, lolololol.

Caroline’s interjection: “Systematic overview” lol

“You’re ridiculous”/ “Effective” / “Terrifying”/ “Productive”/ “And impressive as hell”—ooooo, Stefan! Your heart-eyes are showing! 

***Side Note*** so, uh, are we ever gonna find out what Stefan allegedly did? Muahaha yes. Kind of. Iz cute.

His deadpan face eased into a smile—one of those twinkling, warm ones that reminded her of honey spilling off a spoon—and predictably, annoyingly, her stomach did a flutter—gold. I feel like you can really get away with lines like this when it comes to Steroline because a) Caroline is a writer and b) Stefan is a Disney prince I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU USED THAT BTW I’M GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF BUT DUUUUDE LISTEN I have so much fun writing in Caroline’s PoV because I can write things in a way that I can’t with other characters. I think you’ll see a lot of that in 17 when Caroline dives into her Matt history. And Stefan’s fun because he’s such a fucking sap so I can get as dumb as I want. He has a scene in 17 where I’m like ‘jesus christ dude get a grip’. Damon’s my annoying son because he’s closed off as hell so I always have to keep his thoughts muted and on-the-brink-of-something. Bonnie probably comes the most easily. Anyway, there’s my response to a question that was never even asked.

“It was the elephant in the room, big and obvious and floating over their heads like a light-up blimp. None of this frothy, chit-chat matters, it read in a glitzy, scrolling marquee, waving its animatronic trunk, y’all are fake.” … Does it ever get exhausting? Knowing that you’re literally the best at this metaphorical imagery thingies that need an actual name so I can use it and throw it in your face like, look at this gabi, think about what you’ve done? I almost cut that out because I thought it would feel random! See? That was one of those ‘pause’ moments where I almost left it as ‘the elephant in the room’ and then was like ‘you can do better than that’, and then after I extended it I was like ‘that sounds weird as hell but whatever roll with it’. So roll with yours, girl!

“An awkward beat passed as they regarded each other in the bright, exposing overhead light”/ “the lighting too clinical for such a personal conversation”. So, recently, coupling physical and metaphorical description has really been my jam, and I am so totally digging this. I have this weird thing where I feel like the lighting has to be soft for intimate conversations and if it’s not I’m like not in the right headspace for it, looool. So I’m glad you’re weird about that with me!

“[Katherine] was tough. Cynical. Her arms would lock tightly around him, jaw set, damning the world and the fucked up people in it.” Nice glimpse at the infamous Katherine Pierce. Can’t wait for a possible cameo from her in the future. NYE! Hopefully. I might be overselling NYE.

“Melted, really, like a clock in a fucking Dali painting.” Ok so like, do you Google this shit or is your brain just going a million miles a minute, coming up with stellar ways of impressing us (me)? Like jfc Gabi, calm down. LOOOL okay that one was instinctive because I compare legit every melty thing to a Dali clock. My sister’s cat has no bones and liquifies into whatever space she inhabits and we call her a melted clock.

“Floaty, useless goddamn feathers” this is cute i’m fine

“The Tylers” mention: Tyler believes in love? Is Tyler a Stefan, and that’s why Defan gels? Does Tyler have a girlfriend or boyfriend or a something?!?!? How cute! I feel like the best way to describe Tyler is like… surprisingly well-adjusted. Like he definitely had some shitty things go down in his life (abusive dad), but he had a loving mom and an unexpected support system in Damon and Katherine and because of that, he’s grown up to be this easy-going, confident guy. He’s definitely got a wild streak because of Damon and Katherine, but even when he went out with them they always kept an eye on him, always kept him out of the real dangerous stuff. He grew up loved. So when it comes to romantic love, he’s a casual optimist about it. He’s not some heart-on-his-sleeve romantic, but he believes it’s out there. His issue is kind of that he gets along with everyone (one of those types), so no one’s really knocked him off his feet yet love-wise. “The Carolines”: oh shit, called out. I love that he can read her like a goddamn book even though they aren’t anything under the surface at all. Like that just shows how good he is at this. Yessss, love that interpretation. I kind of wanted to emphasize how much he has everyone pegged so that it would heighten the contrast to how much he keeps having to redefine Bonnie.

“She’d cracked his varnish”—nice—“so thoughtlessly, like it wasn’t something he relied on”—oh shit—“and for what?/ “For shits and giggles? To see if she could?” Like usually I can handle these lines I’m lying but how sad and fucked up is it that Damon thinks Bonnie was only kind to him for something. I totally understand his mindset (like get where he’s coming from), but jfc honey, Bonnie is the Hufflepuffiest (which kudos btw for using the house for both ships, nice nice, I’m honored on behalf of us honey-badgers) and she literally didn’t try to help for anything. He def. struggles with the idea of people being kind for no reason. AND YAS GIRL HONEY BADGERS UNITE! KINDNESS EVERYWHERE! YOU get some kindness. YOU get some kindness! ERRBODY IN DA CLUB GETTIN KINDNESS.

“He scoffed again, shaking his head—worry. Concern./ “Unwanted things.” CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT IS THE SHIT, MAN. All us writers out here (or just me idk) are screaming and, probably totally weeping.

“Her eyes looked a little buggy in her magnifying goggles, hair in a mess of curls, and instantly, unwantedly, he felt a bit of the cool distance warm right off him.” Oh silly boy. Like you can actually resist how adorable Bon-bon is. Also, love nerd!Bonnie, can she come back some more? I’m going to incorporate it into 17! I think. Lmao I will now.

“It means I don’t need you to fucking fix me.” Yikes, dude. I always worry that those mood-shift lines aren’t going to pack enough of a punch so I love when you single them out.

“One little emotion glitch”… It’s really interesting you put it this way. Stefonnie are all heartstrings and mush, and Daroline are very ones-and-zeros, very programmed­-and­-defined. And this ties into Kai’s “logic” speech, because while these no-strings-attached sillies think they can avoid what makes us all human, they’ve got another thing coming. These fools are just as sappy-feely as their romantic counterparts. TRUEFAX.COM I wanna change the story description to just that ^^ 

“Relax.” IF THAT SHIT ISN’T THE MOST ANNOYING THING EVER I HAVE NO IDEA HOW BONNIE DIDN’T DECK HIM RIGHT THERE. Not to call him out, but my boyfriend does this whenever I get worked up, and I’ve warned him, next time he tells me to relax, he’s getting hit. I literally read Damon’s “relax” in my bf’s voice, and I got so irritated. (Great job). I THINK YOU MEAN YOUR FIANCÉ WHHHAAAATTTTTT

“Your blood type was ‘tequila’.”

“Does that bother you” / “Not as much as it bothers you” OOOO GIRL EXPOSE HIM YAS another line I hoped packed a punch.

“Cat, is he lying?” lol when do they actually name her Never.

“Casually vibrant and loose” reminds me of sunshine for some reason. Sunshiny Caroline is my fav.

“Bonnie’s Caroline. Spirited. Brassy… A hell-raiser with a sparkling stare and a laugh like a bell.” Stefan, babe, stop.

“Badgering the witness!” LOL I’m using this in b&b, you’ve been warned, bye DO IT.

“Memory Lane was closed.”/ “Detour to Platonic Avenue”: good, good, keep it up. I love how they end up talking about it anyways? And it’s lowkey a daroline convo, but without a doubt, Damon would flirt it up, and it’d probably end in more sex, but these two goofballs I swear: “Told you I was the class skank”  and “it takes years of training” but also “No room left behind” “Nothing is good enough to make me forget about how much I hate heights” / “I am” OH SHIT IT’S GETTIN’ HOT IN HERE. But also????? Excellent example of what I was saying (re: daroline convo); Caroline lapsed into her natural, flirty confidence, not even realizing GIRL HOW AREN’T YOU REALIZING how something so saucy, that would naturally turn on Stefan, can’t be said so casually. HAHAHA honestly as I was writing that I was like ‘careful what you wish for steffy bear’ because like you said, that is natural Caroline. She’s confident, flirty, vibrant, etc, and if Stefan was already falling for the prickly, self-preserving version, how did he expect to survive this one, you know? I don’t approve of these characters’ dumb ass decisions I just write them.

“You’re Lawyer Dangerous-ing me, aren’t you?” and “Wow, I ruined you.” Love it. I feel like Kol pulled this shit on Caroline, and she lowkey trusts her brother, so she fell for things like this all the time. LOOOL Kol’s such a menace.

“You didn’t think you were Buttercup, did you?” / “That’s embarrassing”: I love sma Stefan so much. I liked tvd at one time, but that’s for another day lololol we’ve discussed this.

“Ugh, montage love” I’m sorry Gabi, are you in sma too? ya know every now and then I have to insert my frustration with how dumb everyone is.

“Was it real if the sun started to fade after a few years? Was it real if the gravity weakened and he had to struggle to stay in her atmosphere? Was it real if another planet got pulled in, too, one he could never see because it was always on the exact opposite side of her, moving in tandem with him, eclipsed by her glow?” Shit, girl. Like, go home already. Gah, thanks love. Another case of ‘pause. Think. You can do better.’ I’m telling you, you just have to roll with it!

“I don’t regret a second of that” oh Stefan, you lovesick fool

“I’m like a human Bermuda Triangle” love

“Just give him the Disney Prince look” and the process of him going through it, and him being like, “This is just my face” I’m dead.

“Danger Zone” lmfaoooooo, followed by “Whatever, Piss Pants”. Sounds like a classic Caroline x Kol moment Honestly, it was so nice to write them just having an easy convo, lololol. And TOTALLY a Care x Kol type exchange. Oh, Kol. I can’t wait to write him over the Christmas chapter(s). 

“Bonnie knew the ball was in her court to be the bigger person” to “…they all made her feel caught between telling him that everything was going to be okay and asking him if he wanted a gold fucking star.”/ “Unfortunately, the latter seemed to be winning out.” Okay, so I have to admit this: this “petty, four-year-old” Bamon is a little shamefully like me and my boyfriend. We’re like the diluted version of bamon in this fic. I’m the nerd/caring one, my bf is the cynical/well-read one, and we’re both petty af, and our form of affection is kinda like bamon’s back-and-forth. I mean, we’re not as fucked up at all, but idk, I see parts of our relationship in bamon, which is why they are otp does that mean I think ryan and I otp? maybe but I don’t like being gross. Anyways… FIANCÉ RYAN. CASS IS GETTING MARRIED Y’ALL. I OTP YOU GUYS ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF US SO IT’S FINE.

“Must be depressing” / “Don’t worry about it” / “Just means it doesn’t matter” / “Because isn’t that the human way?” Ooooo this shit boils my blood this is the kind of crap ryan pulls sometimes omg but moreover, this baiting thing is so aggravating. Say what you want to say and be done with it! WEDDING BELLS AND RIIIINNNIIINNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG LMAO literally any mention of you and Ryan’s going to bring that response out of me bye

“I mean, didn’t you tell me last night that your biggest fear is that something’s wrong with you and it’s only a matter of time before everyone else figures it out?” and Bonnie’s internal monologue “her head was caught in a hum as she tried to shake off the burn of hearing her biggest insecurity thrown in her face, casual, smug”. I got to admit, Gab, you really know how to write ‘em. Like I was literally hanging on every sentence like oh. My. GOD. DAMON WENT THERE.

Side Note: this whole scene had me all sorts of fucked up, and like damn girl, you really know how to write ‘em. Like I felt for Bonnie. Not in a personal way, but like having someone just throw your deepest fear in your face? Someone who you were just warming up to? Like shit.

GIRL thanks so much, that scene definitely took some tweaking. I always stress about those moments because it takes me so long to get a sense for exactly what kind of mood I built (cause I’m almost like… already in the mood when I start writing it so I don’t actually know if I built it or not? Like if someone who wasn’t me would feel it through the writing alone? Does that make sense? I always try to explain this and fail). But anyway, gah, so glad this pulled you in. Like it’s one thing to try and be funny and fail at it (my life) but for some reason it’s way more nerve-wracking to me to try and be dramatic/intense and fail at it. 

 Kai’s crème-bru-yay is like opening Pinterest and seeing the first promoted post lol.

Damon’s “would it kill you to stay for one dessert” and her “it might kill you”, which I translated to “I might kill you, you fucker” Exactly what it meant.

The Bon/Kid talk. Nice. I love how it parallels to the Care/Stef talk earlier (dunno if you did this on purpose?) Nope, but I’m going to pretend I’m put-together enough of an author to do things like that and say of course.

“I don’t even know what your vulnerabilities are, Damon!” Have you read Lee’s “Parachute” bamon fic. Damon asks, “Do I ever say anything I don’t mean?” and Bonnie says something like Uh yeah, you say whatever will bother people the most. That. That is so true, and I didn’t realize it until I read it in her fic. Noooo, I haven’t, but now I really need to!

He was a friggin’ serial killer and they’d played right into his game Jesus fucking Christ they were all going to di—I love how off the rails Bonnie’s thoughts are. Like she’s stilly lowkey pissy at Damon, but at the same time, she’s like we’re gonna die. LOL that’s why Bonnie’s the easiest for me to write, because I too am often balancing serious emotions with cracky off-the-rails thoughts. 

“I’m sorry but what the everloving fuck, dude?” So, first, amazing line lmfao; second, amazing scene, my friend. Damon, somehow, talking Kai down? Like who would have thought? “Not a good look, man.” I’m dead.

Jk that line is getting it’s own number. Just reading it makes me think that Damon must’ve said something like this to Tyler. Must have. Like, maybe Tyler’s talking about how he got into a fight at school, or maybe about how he screwed things up with a girl—idk idc, big brother!Damon is a good look. Toootally! I was 100% channeling big bro!Damon there, and I definitely hoped people would connect it back to Tyler. Tyler’s just someone that Damon wants better for, you know? Like him and Katherine take him along on their wild rides but like I said earlier, Damon definitely doesn’t want him to live the same kind of life or make the same kind of mistakes/sacrifices he’s made. So I can totally see him steering him off that path if he senses him heading down it. And just in general, so happy you liked that scene. It was one of the scenes I was most pumped for ‘cause I live for feels, and I thought it showed really cute sides of both Damon and Kai.

Kai’s fun fact about Dante, and Damon’s plain, “Bummer” lol.

Kai’s “Did you mean what you said earlier…thinking I was cool…?” I seriously don’t know how you made a serial killer adorable but how dare you :D

“Boyish, almost, like he was some angsty teen she’d walked in on listening to Britney Spears”, oops you did it again I’m hilarious my friend, you played with my heart for fantastic similes. Like, this one just epitomizes what you wanted it to, this sheepish, caught-in-the-moment-of-a-good-deed kinda thing. Like, Gabi, stop Yeeeesssss that was exactly what I wanted to get across but I wasn’t sure I got it across so YAY. Goes to show you. You never think that of your own stuff. Idk why this review response is turning into a giant PSA on cutting yourself some slack with your own writing but CUT YOURSELF SOME SLACK WITH YOUR OWN WRITING PEOPLE.

‘you are so much more than you think you are, you piece of shit’—see, that’s my kind of “terms of endearment”. LOL mine too.

Caroline vs. Cat, illustrated by “Are you trying to die?” is very much like me vs. a cat except I’m super allergic, so I’m doing the dying LOOOOOL love ya, Cas.

“Stefan!” She blustered out of her room with a scowl, padding down the hallway in Bonnie’s too-small Gryffindor slippers. First off, Caroline calling Stefan. Secondly, Caroline calling Stefan to be a meditator between her and the cat. Thirdly, why does Bonnie had Gryffindor slippers if she is clearly (eh) Hufflepuff (she could easily be Ravenclaw tbh). LMAO so I made them Hufflepuff at first and then I remembered Bonnie had a Gryffindor shirt and I thought it’d be funny for her to just randomly have paraphernalia from every house because she can’t decide who she is and goes through phases where she’s super convinced she’s one house and then it changes a few months later.

“Tide of amusement”/ “Wash of endearment”: teach me your wayssss I read that as ‘teach me your waaaavvveeesss’ we’re both hilarious

“Saint Stefan”: I really like (and appreciate) that Caroline is the one calling him this. That it’s not some jealous brother, but some girl who blatantly misunderstood him and is coming to the conclusion that maybe this savior complex isn’t as bad/ingrained as she thought. Honestly even just reading ‘jealous brother’ gave me such TVD PTSD. Gross. I’m with ya, girl. 

Stefan’s advice, “Dazzle him with that Rebekah charm” literally is the most Dad thing I’ve ever seen lmao

“Demon.” / “Demons everywhere.” Lolololololol

“Do your thing. Give me the sisterhood spiel or whatever Hallmark collection it was you were planning on plagiarizing.” Well shit. I’d probably pay to hear Damon and Rebekah’s verbal sparring. LMAO Damon vs. Rebekah would be amazing. I feel like they’d be fast friends, which makes me laugh because Kol would totally idolize Damon and yet him and Rebekah would loathe each other.

“But more importantly… Tiffany will be social media stalking you every inch of the way, seething with jealousy, so take a lot of pictures.” I love how she gives the realest advice, and then brings it to Rebekah’s level lol. I feel like big sister!Caroline is something we were deprived of and didn’t know it. Hahaha you know Rebekah would totally ignore that shit if it didn’t circle back to making her nemesis miserable. But sister!Caroline is definitely something I want to do more of, so I’m so happy you liked that side. Christmas time will give her and Kol some quality time (and Mama Liz!)

“I’m going to need some tea,” she says lmao.

 Oh this is the thing I was talking about when I referred to Lee’s fic: “he’d know before he’d even opened his mouth that he was going to hate what came out” and “why the hell had he even gone there? He could’ve just told her he needed space”. Very similar. You guys had the same revelation. That’s rad - I definitely have to go read her fic. Lee’s writing is always brilliant.

“Unfortunately, the hole he’d just managed to dig himself into had an echo, and the only sound in it was the disbelieving crack in Bonnie’s voice when she’d confronted him about bring up her parents.” Right in the heart.

“But maybe she thought he was a megadouche” he cares what she thinks! “Maybe she was waiting for him to prove that he wasn’t.”

“You missed a spot” / “A harsh spray of water cut him off from the pull-out faucet she’d shot straight at him”—if this petty shit isn’t me & ryan CAS AND RYAN ARE GETTING MARRIEDDDDDDDDDD

“And mean.” I love that tack on, it’s so childish, but epitomizes how she can’t even stay mad at him. “Very, very mean.” Their childish bits are my favorite parts to write. It’s in full-swing in 17.

 “I just had a really shitty week last week.” Oooo glimpse into the past. Like Bonnie’s with the Enzo/Klaus mention. More of that ahead!

“And don’t stop calling me kid.” / “It’s cute and I like it.” Can they just kiss and be together already omg You would think but everyone in this story is stupid.

“And he was struck by the most bizarre impulse to kiss her” see, even Damon knows!!!!

The “pep rally” / “I was actually a cheerleader for a bit in college” convo. Classic Bamon

 “Try not to do anything secretly heroic while I’m gone.”

“Maybe he was allergic to pep” / “maybe he was high on it” Damon and Bonnie sitting in a tree… D-E-N-Y-I-N-G

THE ALMOST STEROLINE NAME DROP I WAS ACTUALLY GRINNING LIKE A MORON WHEN I READ THIS MUAHAHA it was so stupid and I cackled writing it.

“I think I need to talk about Matt”/ “And I think you should probably tell me about Elena”. What? Caroline Forbes is talking about exes? Is doing something healthy that’ll further her relationship with Stefan? THERE IS SO MUCH PRIDE IN MY HEART – Also, I think this was a great way to end the chapter ‘cause it’s super cliffhanger and also super like a tvd episode, you know? Great, excellent, fantastic job! RIGHT? LOOK AT HER GO! She’s ready to confront some things! And because I took six months to reply to this and have the benefit of actually having the scene written now, I can tell you that she’s really going there. Saying things she’s never said out loud. It’s a hard scene for her. But she’s determined. So it makes me so happy that you’re proud of her (I’m proud of her!), and hopefully the next chapter will make it a little clearer why she is the way she is (and why it took her this long to get there). Also, YAY for show-like endings! You know that’s what I’m going for ;) TBH that’s a large reason why the chapters have gotten so long - I want like a whole episode in a chapter with a beginning, middle, and end, and I want them to set up a story for the next one, and for four central characters that usually ends up taking me about 8-10 scenes, loool. So I’m glad you like it that way, too ;)

Okay, so this is longer than I hoped, but I’m sure you won’t mind. Take your mind off med school, off the whole moving thing. Anyways, thanks a bazillion for being this awesome author that interacts with her audience, who puts at least 1000% percent into this fic when, really, you don’t gotta, and ya know… thanks for fulfilling the need everyone has seen tvd died (there were only 6 seasons right?)

Definitely only six seasons. And girl, psh, thank you for making all of the things you listed above worth it. Seriously. You guys make writing this story a legitimate joy - I literally have you in mind when I write. I anticipate who’s going to like what. Whose going to have a problem with what. And it makes me a better writer. Seriously. Anyway, you’re as lovely and witty and talented and kind and weird and wonderful as ever and I expect detailed updates on you and Ryan’s royal wedding every week and NEVER EVER APOLOGIZE AGAIN FOR WRITING A LONG REVIEW WHO ARE YOU KIDDING YOU’RE MY SUN AND I’VE SAID THIS BEFORE BUT I’LL SAY IT AGAIN IT TAKES ME FOREVER TO RESPOND BECAUSE I LEGIT CAN’T THINK OF A REPLY THAT’S WORTHY SOOOOO THANKS FOR MAKING MY LIFE K BYEEEEE

[amphtaminedreams]

To All the Characters I’ve Overly Identified with Before: Borderline Personality Disorder and Attachment to Fictional Characters

It’s been a month, and I’m still not over how Game of Thrones ended. I’m still not over the way that a character who, throughout the previous seventy something episodes of the show, was only ever ruthless towards people who were deserving of her wrath (within the context of westerosi justice because let’s not forget everyone’s favourite man of honour Ned Stark decapitated a young man for running for his life in the first episode), suddenly massacred a whole city in the penultimate episode. I’m not over the way that writers who spent the previous seasons showing that they were capable of translating the moral ambiguity of George R.R Martin’s characters from page to screen, got lazy and left us with a character whose actions became impossible to defend right as the show was ending. I’m not over the way that such a beautifully complex character who endured so much hurt and trauma was reduced to nothing more than a “crazy woman” by a couple of male writers in her final moments. I’m not over the fact that Emilia Clarke put her heart and soul into the character and did everything she could to bring Daenerys Targaryen to life for David Benioff and Dan Weiss to both literally and figuratively assassinate her.

I think those feels have been felt by a lot of Game of Thrones fans since the show ended. God knows I’ve watched enough youtube video essays and read enough articles and liked enough tweets reiterating the sentiment. Daenerys Targaryen was, in my opinion, the best character on Game of Thrones. I wasn’t angry because she didn’t end up sitting on the throne (though my boy Drogon made sure nobody else ever would either and I guess I can get behind that), I was angry because all the balance that made her character so great was thrown out the window in order to progress the story of her male counterpart and bring a show that probably could’ve done with another 2 seasons to an end. Dany has always had a dark side, she is the “fire” that the title of the book series refers to, but throughout the show, we’ve never seen her indulge that side to the point of no return. We’ve seen her wrestle with it and use it to exact punishment on those who deserve it when needs be, and that was part of what I liked about her. Not to go all feminist essay on anyone’s ass but we don’t usually get to see women in TV who are celebrated for their powers of intimidation, and I liked how prior to season 8, the narrative never made female characters like Dany or Arya or Brienne out to be monsters for killing people the same way that basically every single man on the show did at one point or another. I liked that sometimes she was a little excessive because it made sense, she did have “dragon” in her, and she still had lines she wouldn’t cross, clear values and principles; she fought for the innocent, for women and for children, and for freedom. On a personal level, I loved her because we watched her go from a lonely, scared and vulnerable girl to a strong, ambitious and self-assured woman and that was a trajectory I wanted to relate to.

And then all of a sudden, without any justification or build up at all, she’s a mass murderer of the same “downtrodden” people she always claimed to fight for. Fuck, I’m thinking. I literally watched that episode through my hands because I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. When I say I cried on and off for about 3 days after I watched the final episode, I’m not exaggerating; I only need to see a screen cap now a month later or an interview with Emilia Clarke and I’m off again. It literally felt as if I was mourning the loss of a real person. But this isn’t the first time I’ve had this kind of attachment to a character. Daenerys Targaryen was probably just the last in a long list of women I overly identified with.

I’m not much like her at all really, I’ve burnt myself from taking the film off my microwaved lasagne and not moving my thumb away from the hot air in time (lmao), however, I think I saw parts of myself in her journey and traits that I wanted to have, thus, I latched on. Before Daenerys Targaryen there was Spencer Hastings and before her there was Cassie Ainsworth and then if we’re gonna throw it all the way back, there was Hermione Granger (and some other characters I was more mildly obsessed with along the way, Katniss Everdeen, Bree Van de Kamp and Cosima Niehaus, I’m looking at you). I still love all those characters now but when their respective shows or films were actually current, I was completely obsessed. I spent my 16th birthday at the Harry Potter studios on the outskirts of London with my family, forget birthday parties or meals out with my friends. I wished more than anything that I had 2 best friends that loved me unconditionally and I did my best to emulate that drive and intelligence and work ethic everyone associates with Hermione. I told myself I was just like her even though I lacked the confidence to put my hand up in all but one of my classes and last time I checked, was just trying to conquer GCSEs not fight an evil wizard snaked hybrid man or whatever Voldemort is.  I identified with the loneliness and the need for control that I saw in Cassie, and was like “oH eM GeE, tHat’s sO mE!” at Spencer’s perfectionism. When I was speeding for my exams (and then, unfortunately, for long after), I felt spiritually connected to that whole Pretty Little Liars arc where Spencer started popping adderall on the daily even though I could really only wish for someone to care about me enough to stalk me like A did and the worst possible outcome of my all nighter was not taking in enough content to bullshit my way through a 30 marker.

They would understand me, they would be my friend. They represent me. That was the baseline sentiment of my obsession. And I think that’s the borderline part of me jumping out. See, such a huge part of BPD is feeling unwanted and misunderstood and forgettable and really, deeply lonely.  Like it’s a kind of loneliness I think you feel like an actual person can never really fulfil because the (faulty and not necessarily reflective of reality) thought pattern is that they’ll lose interest and leave you sooner or later. Fictional characters are always there, until the show gets cancelled or the character gets killed off, at least, and then comes the completely disproportionate tidal wave of grief. They exist in a different world too, a one that feels a lot less dangerous (even if it’s actually way more dangerous, I mean I really wouldn’t last five fucking minutes in Westeros) and detached from the often chronically muted reality of BPD.

Then there’s the trouble with the sense of self, part and package of BPD for most, which facilitates, you know, thinking that a genius witch or, like, any character in skins (because in hindsight as great as that show was, WHY DO NONE OF THEM HAVE JOBS YET SEEMINGLY AN ENDLESS SUPPLY OF DRUGS AND PARENTS THAT NEVER SEEM TO CARE WHERE THE HELL THEY ARE!?) resembles you as a person in any way. Though I suppose I’m learning recently as I begin to reflect more on what I enjoy and value, I’ve never had much more than a vague idea of what my positive qualities are, so when I saw them fully realised in a character it was a treasure trove of mannerisms and traits and ways of carrying oneself to adopt. It becomes a mould into which you can squeeze the ball of meh-ness and uncertainty you feel you resemble. Now I’m realising that although it might take me a little more time and a lot more effort, it’s much more rewarding to become the very best version of myself, but back then, I suppose I didn’t recognise why I was doing what I was doing. 

I only got diagnosed with BPD and started learning about it when it was 19, so all the years before that were pretty much spent unaware of the reasons why I had these quirks. As I “recover” (I suppose that’s the right word) and I get back into hobbies and spend more time with friends, I feel like I’m beginning to discover more and more of who I am. I’m starting to accept that there are positive things about me and plenty of things for people to like, right here in this world, not some fictional one.

I still love characters way too much and get overly attached and invested in TV shows but even that doesn’t necessarily have to be something to be ashamed of. When I’ve got into *ahem* discussions with people online about characters before, I’ve occasionally gotten the “why do you care so much, it’s not real life!” in response, and I mean, there’s definitely a point to be made if your passion for something is causing you to lash out at real life people with real life feelings. But when you’re not, when it can give you hours of discussion and entertainment and can drive you to make real positive changes in the world too, what’s wrong with passion? There’s nothing I love more than having a conversation with someone who I can tell really loves what they’re talking about, so why should I be ashamed of having the capacity to become deeply invested in things too? I think as long as it’s not taking over my life as I have allowed it to do so in the past, there’s nothing wrong with having passion for fictional things or for anything, for that matter. As long as it’s not something fucked up, like idk, white supremacy or Rick and Morty (JOKING). 

I don’t regret loving all the things I loved because being a huge Harry Potter fan for so many years did give me an escape when I absolutely hated myself and couldn’t find much enjoyment in real life. I hope that if I do have children one day, they’ll love it too, maybe not quite as much as I did but enough for it to give them all the joy it gave me, all the same. So in summary, yeah, fuck David Benioff and Dan Weiss (lmao, I’m joking, they’re just shitty original screenplay writers who could probably do with a class or two on how to write female characters), but also, understand before you make fun of someone for being overly invested in something that there’s probably a good reason for it and that, at the end of the day, they’re usually not hurting anyone. I’ll probably still be stanning Daenerys Targaryen and pretending season 8 episode 5 didn’t happen until the day I die. Let me live, okay?

Lauren x

[words-writ-in-starlight]

I'd love to hear your thoughts about adhd Rachel.

So, for context, when I was a small baby human reading these for the first time, I saw Rachel and I was like “!!!!!!”, you know, as you do when you see a character who kind of Speaks to whatever undetermined weirdness you have going on at the time.  And then I was a slightly older baby human whose school reputation was Somewhere Between Charming Young Genius And Possible Future Gangster--by which I mean that I have punched many a person in my public school career and consequently had a lot of people who were afraid of me and not many close friends.  And I connected even more to Rachel then, because listen: it’s so easy to just fight, and fight, and fight, when you’re too depressed and angry to control overwhelmingly impulsive thoughts.  Now I’m an adult and I know that a huge part of my problem was undiagnosed ADHD (in addition to just being...I’m a real angry person you guys, it’s just...how it is), and I went back to reread the Animorphs and I was like “You know who the fuck else has ADHD.”  

I connected to that in Rachel, and I have Evidence.

First things first, you know that...thing in Rachel books where she’ll actually verbally go “this may not be a good idea” once she’s already doing it?  Constantly?  That’s the impulsivity thing in ADHD that you hear about.  It’s not dunking your hand into 160 degree water without realizing that you’re going to burn yourself and being surprised when it hurts, it’s dunking your hand into 160 degree water and your brain going “hey, that’s going to hurt, you’re going to get burned” once you’re already whipping your hand back and yelling and being resigned that it hurts.  That little voice in your head telling you not to do dangerous stuff is still there, it’s just super late to the party.  And Rachel is a fucking thesis on that whole concept.  The first time she morphs grizzly, she picks the morph on impulse because she wants to be big and strong and able to fight back, and once she’s finished the change she goes hmm, this might be a bad idea, I don’t know if I can control this morph under pressure but she’s already done it and they’re in battle and she’s committed.  When Cassie tells her “I’m going to go get help, don’t do anything dumb” in Book 12, Rachel isn’t unaware that jumping down into the croc pit is something dumb, it’s just that the connection between the action and the fact that it’s a bad idea is made once she’s already up on the railing and jumping in.  She knows that morphing into a starfish on a beach full of people in order to retrieve an earring is both stupid and dangerous, but by the time she notices, she’s already committed.  So: uncontrolled impulses, check.  

Incidentally, I always take it kind of personally when people in the fandom read it as...I don’t know, as either Rachel willfully ignoring good sense or Rachel genuinely not knowing a good plan from a bad one.  Rachel knows common sense when she hears it, that’s obvious even if she sometimes prioritizes some other thing.  And more to the point, Rachel is pretty good at combat tactics in the heat of the moment.  Take 22, where she assembles a plan to take down David in the mall--the fact that he had time to prepare the ground doesn’t change the fact that her plan is reasonably tight.  This is something I will bitch about at length when I write up a recap for Book 37, AKA my most hated Animorphs book because it does BOTH of those things to Rachel’s character.  She’s reckless and impulsive, not stupid, and honestly I kind of resent the part of the fandom that confuses the two.

Second of all, Rachel’s emotional responses tend to either be ‘highly controlled and masked with sarcasm’ or ‘wildly out of hand’, which is really typical of girls with ADHD--society tells us to be utterly in control, which means that the emotional lability (...being mercurial, basically) typical of ADHD bursts out in sudden violence or crying or whatever your particular person is prone to.  So, like, take that one time very early in the series where Rachel goes from being totally checked out to slamming another girl face-first into a table.  ...I’m not saying I’ve done that.  But I am saying that one time when I was twelve a guy came up and hugged me from behind and started complaining when I told him to leave me alone and I put him on the floor and dared a teacher to suspend me.  And Marco says, when they’ve all been dragged up to Chapman’s office, that he’s afraid Rachel’s just going to out them to Chapman right then and there because she’s so furious and out of control.  I told a teacher to go to hell, and called another one a moron to his face, and told yet a third one that he couldn’t find his way around a literary analysis with both hands an a torch.  That’s super standard undiagnosed ADHD shit right there, especially since Rachel’s under a lot of pressure.

Third of all, Rachel’s got some focus problems like whoa: she does struggle to focus on the right thing from time to time, but I’m more interested in the wat she exhibits some real hyperfocus.  The main example that springs to mind is the way Cassie describes Rachel shopping in MM4--there’s no war, there’s no outside stressors of life or death issues, and Cassie still talks about how Rachel is absolutely laser focused, to the point of scheming out which stores they’ll hit in what order like a battle plan.  We hear a lot about Rachel with this kind of obsessive focus, to exclusion of all else, often about shopping but also about other things.  Hyperfocus is a little-discussed but extremely common symptom of ADHD, and it really is exactly what it says on the tin.  And Rachel, oh boy, does Rachel ever have it.

Related to the focus thing, there’s this one bit that I read and every time I’m like SAME DUDE, and it’s from that same scene in the mall at the beginning of 22, when Rachel and Ax are forming up to attack.  She believes Tobias is dead, Jake is actively bleeding to death on the floor, the situation could not be more dire--and her brain still goes “hey, that store’s having a sale.”  And Rachel is furious with herself for it, she hates that her brain kicks that bit of information out while everything is so awful, but she just can’t seem to stop it.  That’s the life, man.  #ADHDAesthetic right there.  

Fourthly--I’m realizing that I have more points here than I thought--Rachel’s a fidgeter.  This isn’t really  explicitly stated because the books have such a strict length limit that they’re usually really cut down to the bare bones, but there’s one place where body language is pretty reliably described: barn meetings.  Marco is usually sacked out on a convenient chair, Tobias in the rafters, Cassie doing work, Jake either standing or sitting.  But Rachel’s a pacer.  She’s repeatedly described as pacing, and if she’s not, if she’s sitting with someone, it’s for narrative reasons.  She’s sitting near Marco?  She’s going to smack him, or challenge him to an arm wrestling contest for the dangerous mission, whatever.  She’s sitting near Cassie?  That’s supposed to say something about her emotional state.  

Fifth, Rachel bores easily.  And I mean real easily.  In the Oatmeal Book, she talks about claustrophobia, but one of the things she complains about the most often is being alone in the dark with her thoughts.  For me, that’s the worst thing about insomnia--the inside of my head is only enough to keep my attention for so long, and then I start to lose it, and yeah, it feels like a panic attack, it would be easy to lump in with external claustrophobia.  When she’s taking a day off from school, she only lasts a few hours watching trash TV before she bails out to go flying--this is also related to the fidgeting thing above (7).  When she has nightmares, she gets up and leaves the house.  When Rachel morphs prey animals or motion-attracted predators like cats, it’s easy for her to get lost in the rapid-change thought patterns.  I can’t think of a single time where Rachel gets put on surveillance alone--not because she’s not good at surveillance, but because she can’t be relied on not to get distracted.

I could come up with some other things, but these five plus the idle descriptions she throws around about ‘racing thoughts’ and ‘I lost my temper and I just couldn’t think anymore’ would get her an ADHD screen from any respectably competent therapist.  Throw in “incredibly high performing academically but with some disciplinary issues” (13 and 5 respectively) and “exhibits suicidally reckless impulses even in non-battle life” (literally every other book), and she’s a shoo-in.

The short version here is that my headcanon that Rachel has severe ADHD is summed up by two books: 12 and 32.  

In 32, the two Rachels are both poster children for ADHD--Mean Rachel is impulsive, loud, temperamental, unfocused, and generally uncooperative (you and I all know the stereotypes come from somewhere, a lot of people who manifest ADHD like that are pretty uncooperative, and I say that as one of them), and Wimp Rachel is just as temperamental on the other side of the spectrum, forgetful, easily distracted, genuinely scared of her own impulses and intrusive thoughts, and, you guessed it, kind of uncooperative (again, the stereotypes come from somewhere).  You don’t put those two people together and get one non-ADHD person, you put them together and get a person whose symptoms have settled out to a degree of homeostasis.

And in 12, beyond all the really impulsive shit Rachel does and the way she approaches everything from the angle of “this is my fault because I’m not in control of myself,” which, oh my god, honey, same, but no it’s not, Cassie morphs Rachel.  And what does Cassie say about being in Rachel’s head?

“I’m having the worst time trying to control this morph!”

“You’re having trouble being me?  What could be hard about that?”

“It’s this brain of yours.  It keeps trying to make me do really dumb things.”

[lesbrarians]

Liara T'soni

awwwwwwwww omg i haven’t gotten a mass effect ask in so long, thank you!!!!

1: sexuality headcanon like most asari, pansexual!2: otp kshep/liara 4EVA3: brotp among canon characters and not the extended multishep universe that @silentunder5mph and i have created? probably garrus!4: notp liara/mshep and liara/javik5: first headcanon that pops into my head when the reaper war is over and k and liara have their little blue babies, liara institutes a swear jar in their household bc kshep cusses so much. k has to put a bottle of alcohol in a box every time she swears in front of the babies. it’s effective. then one time she slips up and swears -- she accidentally deletes a piece of research or something -- and k and cassie and tahirah lose their fucking minds. so she puts one of her prothean artifacts in the swear box and k is just like “you can get this back when you clean up your act” and liara is like oh my goddess6: favorite line from this character “it would be easy for a single ship to get lost up there, wouldn’t it? to find someplace, very far away, where you could live the rest of your life in peace, and happiness.”7: one way in which I relate to this character i can nerd out just as hard as liara can. i love how passionate she gets about the protheans and when she starts rambling at you about the things she loves 8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character her voice acting in me1.  i might be misremembering or exaggerating but i swear that at times she sounds like dorothy from the wizard of oz. and i did love her immediately but she really has a more naive personality in me1, i feel like in me2 we saw her take a darker turn with her and the shadow broker and all i loved that she got to have more depth to her. but her voice acting in me1 was embarrassing and thankfully got much better.9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave? cinnamon roll!

[beebuddyreviews-blog]

Title: The Wonderlands // Author: Stylinsoncity @alienproof // Rating: Mature // Word Count: 150520 // Chapter - AU Famous Louis / Single Dad Harry // Completed: 06/26/2017 

Actual Summary: "Somewhere between chaos and control — these are the wonderlands."Harry's daughter, Andy, is signed to Louis' girl band. Her path to success is marked by competition, chaos, and for Harry, a love affair.

Green’s Summary: Harry is a single dad to Andy, a budding rock star. Louis is the producer of her all girl band. Harry and Louis have a pretty immediate attraction to each other but Andy has made her father promise that he won’t go after Louis. A lot of pining and sexual tension ensues. 

Hi! It’s Green here with another review. I can’t believe I actually finished when I said I was going to. The Taming of The Shrew who needs that when I can read Stylinsoncity’s The Wonderlands. Guys, I’m obsessed with this fic. I’ve literally just finished it (at work!) and I cannot even think straight it was so amazing. Every chapter – every page – was so much better than the last one. THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. THE DECLARATIONS OF LOVE. I feel like I’m not even processing anything right now. My brain is just screaming: incredible, beautiful, amazing, talented. Picture me as Lady Gaga in that interview right now. Anyways, I guess I’ll stop screaming and we can get into the grit of this fic yeah? Here is my review for Stylinsoncity’s The Wonderlands.

Rest of the review under the cut <3 .

While this is the only fic by Stylinsoncity I have read she has written quite a bit for the fandom. To The Ends of The Earth, Love is Divine, and The Impossible Now seem to be very popular reads. I am completely convinced of this author’s talents and will definitely be reading more from her.

Amazing. Truly amazing. Stylinsoncity is able to capture an incredible arrange of emotions: happiness, sadness, disappointment, fear. I was feeling everything these characters were feeling – I was right in the thick of it with them. There are really good writers within the fandom but this author and this fic are just shining right now. I don’t know who betaed this fic but they did a fucking incredible job. If Stylinsoncity did it herself then I am in awe. Really. The writing here was so flawless! I don’t think I’ve seen very many people able to pull off similes as well and effortlessly as Stylinsoncity has done. The comparisons fall flat or they don’t make a lot of sense, but here in this fic she uses them to weave such incredibly vivid scenes.

Her attention to detail is impeccable. I can perfectly imagine the flat Harry lived in with the flower shop below. And I think that adds so many levels to Harry’s charm, because Harry at times is hard to root for. He’s a thirty-four year old who tends to act twenty and makes many mistakes, but still comes off as incredibly genuine and endearing. I love when authors make their characters fuck up, I really do. No one is perfect – miscommunication is unavoidable –  and it works so amazingly here. I want a character with flaws. I want someone I can relate to.

It is scary how much of myself I saw in Harry. Honestly. I don’t know if you guys know (it’s in our about us page, but who reads those) but I am a mom of an almost two year old. She is the most beautiful thing on this earth and I, much like Harry with Andy, would do absolutely anything for her.

You know that moment in the fic when Andy is born:

“Later, he had time to hold her. Just the two of them (and Cassie sleeping nearby). Her eyes were shut, but when he whispered to her -- a tentative 'Hi, Andy' -- they fluttered open. She looked right at him and his world was thrown off kilter. An explosion occurred. Cherry bomb had never been more accurate.”

It’s exactly like that. Exactly. I didn’t get to hold my daughter right off the bat – I remember thinking how much I really didn’t want to. I had been in labor for sixteen hours and I was absolutely terrified, but when I finally did get to hold her it was an emotion I can’t even describe. I literally said “wow” and then your entire world is refocused. Cherry bomb had never been more accurate. So I was just in awe of actually reading an incredibly accurate response to seeing your child for the first time.  And can we talk about Andy coming into this world on the tails of The Runaways’ Cherry Bomb, because that is fucking incredible and one of my favorite moments of this fic.

I also want to talk about the relationship between Andy and Harry. I had my issues with it at the beginning. I grew up in the same relationship with my mother. It is hard being your parent’s best friend and their child. It is hard for both the parent and the child to know when they’re friends and when the parent has to be the parent. I think there are certainly parts of Harry and Andy’s relationship that are romanticized in this fic, but this is fiction so not everything has to be realistic.

And it’s fine if your mom or dad was your best friend and the relationship was healthy – I just know that it’s hard. But I do think Stylinsoncity did something really incredible here, because you get to see the good and the bad with having a relationship like theirs. You understand the parts when Harry should have been a parent instead of being a friend. At least I saw that, especially in his interactions with Louis. There are times Harry needed to be a parent and put himself and his relationship first. When Harry finally laid it down for Andy and made it known how much he loved Louis, how their relationship had nothing to do with her and that he deserved Louis I was shocked. I reread that scene five times because FINALLY. Finally, Harry believed he deserved to be happy and he was worthy of Louis and I am still emotional thinking about it. This coming right after Andy makes a comment about him having no backbone. I was ready to bake Harry a fucking sparkly ass cake.

Also

Louis. Guys, you know I am a Harry girl through and through – that kid owns me – but I loved this Louis. I wanted him to win. I was smitten as soon as he appeared. I wanted to shake Harry a bit every time he made Louis upset, which is insane for me to be on Louis’ side rather than Harry’s. Those long speeches about how much he loved Harry were too much for my romantic heart to take, oh my god. And declarations of love can get cheesy and predictable and THESE WEREN’T??? They made so much sense, they hit you right in the fucking heart, and I am truly amazed at the talent of this author to deliver such beautiful dialogue.

Stylinsoncity really has perfected every piece of her writing, dialogue, and exposition. I love that even her characters recognize the cheesiness of some moments – like when Harry got a beach ball to the face when he was supposed to be watching Louis discreetly. I just love when characters are that aware.

Okay! And I have never never never never never read a more perfect we have feelings for each other scene than when Louis confronted Harry about where they stood. I mean! Louis wasn’t insecure in the fact that Harry felt something for him and he knew HE KNEW that Harry needed that extra push from him for them to go anywhere. Even after a year of avoiding each other, he knew Harry so well that he wouldn’t let Harry get in his own way. I was dying honestly. Because I’ve read that scene hundreds of times. The scene where there is obviously tension and unsaid words, but it never is talked about and someone leaves thinking maybe they don’t feel the same. But that didn’t happen HERE. Louis made Harry be honest and open in that moment and it was exactly what Harry needed and I was a sobbing mess. The communication was incredible and I am just high off life right now. This fic has really been just a breath of fresh air for me. I am just in awe. Like I need to just take a couple days off from everything and contemplate how this fic was even produced and how lucky I was to read it for free? And Jesus, I can barely think right now.

I also want to talk about Cassie, Andy’s mother. I had so many mixed feelings about Cassie and her relationship with Harry. I don’t know if we’re supposed to feel that way – but I think you end up falling in love with her. By the end of it, I was as head over heels for her as Harry was. I understood why Harry had such a hard time letting her go, because she was incredible. I want to praise Stylinsoncity again for creating this character and giving her so much personality and life and really making her the backbone of this incredible story. When Harry was weak, Cassie was strong and god I think I could read an entire fic on Cassie alone. Andy was also a brilliantly crafted character. Stylinsoncity managed to create two characters who were incredibly complex and alike but also different. You literally see Cassie in Andy, you see Harry in Andy, or you see how she is her own person. It is astonishing to me – the writing ability of this author. I really do plan to reread this fic and it is one that will stick with me for a very long time.

I hope this review does this fic justice, because it truly is amazing. I hope if you haven’t read it that, you give it a chance and I’m sure it’ll resonate with you as well, because there are so many well-developed characters to love. Cassie who wanted to love Harry and Andy but also stay true to herself, Harry who never got the chance to mature completely but loves Andy more than anything and would fight for her every day. Andy a young girl thrust into an impossible situation and trying to manage her family and her budding career, and Louis a man who has been waiting for that one special person for too long and when he finally found them he jumped right into the volcano. There is someone here for anyone to see himself or herself in.

“Picture a bird without wings. Or a ship without a compass.”

Also, thank you for including this bit – I smiled really big.

Blue has already read this fic, so there is no need to recommend it to her.

As always, please stop and give the author plenty of comments and kudos, as feedback is important. I hope that you have enjoyed the review. I’ve linked to the fic and the author at the top. 

 I’ll have another review up on Sunday – as my work load isn’t too terrible this week.

Thank you all for following and reblogging. We just really want to give the authors the praise they deserve and I know we don’t review many works, but the fics we do review are all really special. We want more than anything for the authors to get the recognition they deserve.

Until Sunday,

Green <3

***EDIT***

between chaos and control 

So I was going to post this review last night, but guess what happened. Stylinsoncity decided I wasn’t already having an emotional week (seriously guys I have been crying like every day since Harry walked the carpet at his first premiere) and she posted a companion piece to The Wonderlands FROM LOUIS’ POINT OF VIEW.

Of course it’s beautiful and a much needed glimpse into what Louis was feeling.

“Louis could forge a million excuses with his love.”

HE COULD FORGE A MILLION EXCUSES WITH HIS LOVE. 

Okay! I’ve just finished it at work once again. I started it last night but co-sleeping and bright cellphones do not mix. Anyways this was a brilliant companion piece. I wanted more than anything to get a scene of Andy and Louis bonding as family and I have been gifted with just that. I’m not surprised how well they got along – but I’m infinitely happy that they love each other that much. Also Luna, the little ice cream sneaker, and Peter, the amateur FIFA player are perfect additions to the family.

Thank you Stylinsoncity for giving us another glimpse into this amazing world you’ve created. You have easily made your way into being one of my favorite authors. I haven’t read any of your other fics but I will definitely be working my way through them. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us.