#like nobody hates them more than they hate themselves and it is honestly so heartbreaking

[grondds-and-roses]

Do you ever just sit down and think about how Eren and Armin hate themselves so much, but Mikasa loves them both like breathing?

[aphelea]

Welcome to What If They Were Evil, or, going through a bunch of characters and thinking, what if they were part of the Neverseen? Is this likely in canon? How would that change things if it were?

Today we're going through the Gay Adult Crew (tm). (Aka, Livvy, Prentice, Quinlin, etc.)

Livvy: Livvy has the necessary anger at the Council to be part of the Neverseen, but she very clearly doesn't have the necessary anger at humans. So, is this likely in canon? No. But it's fun to think about. Her presence during the creation of Project Moonlark makes for some interesting possibilities if she were to be a double agent. She could alter Forkle's plans for Sophie to benefit the Neverseen without him knowing. And she could easily extract important Council information from Quinlin, since they're married. Also, she has close connections to the Vackers, which could be useful.

Prentice: There is 0 chance of him being part of the Neverseen in canon, on account of the fact that he literally doesn't show up anymore. Where did he go, Shannon? What happened to his supposedly major storyline? Nobody knows. But, anyway, if he were to be part of the Neverseen... well, the Neverseen would likely know a lot of classified Black Swan secrets. Also, Tiergan and Wylie would be devastated. The thing is, I don't think there really is any logical way for him to be a Neverseen member in canon? From the start, he's essentially the Face of the Black Swan in the Lost Cities' eyes. The story wouldn't make sense if the Neverseen knew what Prentice knows. So I have to rate this one a Not Likely.

Quinlin: Okay, honestly? I'm not convinced that he's not secretly Neverseen in canon. He's pretty much responsible for finding Sophie in Book 1, and he seemed to be keeping pretty good tab on the fires. I just can't figure out what his motive would be. Maybe heartbreak thanks to Alden. Anyway, if this were to be true, I honestly don't think anyone would really be too affected? I think it would only push Alden and Della further into their isolation, sadness, post-Alvar hole. And Livvy would only be angrier at him than she is already.

Della: She's a talented spy, canonically. It wouldn't be hard for her to sneak around for both groups. She's close to high-ranking members in the Black Swan, has a powerful position in the government, and is part of the most influential family in the Lost Cities. And if she were to be part of the Neverseen? It would throw everyone into a frenzy. The Vackers would probably lock themselves away, like they did with Alden's mind break. Grady and Edaline would be devastated; after all, that would mean that one of their closest friends was directly involved in the murder of their daughter. The Collective wouldn't be sure who to trust anymore, since a traitor was able to swear fealty to them. Actually, I think Neverseen Della would be even more of an upheaval to the main crew than Alvar's reveal—but there's one crucial, missing component: what's her motive? She doesn't have reason to hate both humans and the Council enough to join the Neverseen. Unless there's something we don't know yet.

Elwin: Let's play a game of "Make All of Keefe's Parental Figures Evil Because Why Not." Anyway. I believe canon makes it pretty clear that he's not a Neverseen member, unless he's really good at hiding it. It's possible that he was a Neverseen member before Gisela took control and then left, which is why he didn't turn Keefe in. But, the issue is as seen before: what's his motive? What reason does he have to play a double agent of sorts? Highly unlikely, in my opinion. But it would make everyone very, very concerned.

Juline: She hates the Council but likes humans. So that's 50% of the way there to Neverseen Beliefs. It's unlikely that she's actually part of the Neverseen, given that she's a major part of the Collective. But if she were? It would devastate Dex. Dex's reaction upon finding out his mother was Black Swan was already angry, so his reaction to this? He'd be furious. Maybe it would push him across the line to go absolutely crazy against the Neverseen. I'm talking Arsonist Sophie level crazy. Which would be fun, but also, we already had one major reveal with Juline. It's unlikely that there would be another.

[malxshrine-a]

Time in a tree by Raleigh Ritchie explains quite literally the crux of what is wrong with 'kuna in concerns to my origins headcanons.

I guess rules are there to break But I make mistakes like they were handed on a plate When I try to leave sometimes, I'm standing in the way I'm on the edge of crying all the time, 'cause I can't human Right

What a state I get wound up, from the ground up And I don't know why Turn the sound up, drown the noise out Swallow (whoa), don't cry Got an anxious heart, and it's stone made Can't take paper or heartbreak

Asa and Naoki have always been troublemakers, Naoki especially. The both of them have been treated like less than humans since they were born. Sold off by a family that thought they were MONSTERS for simply being born as hideous conjoined twins. Naoki has always made mistakes and gotten angry far too easily, too quick to resort to violence, but it’s always served to protect him and his brother.

Do you ever feel like, you could live a real life? Like everybody else in the real world, you could be a real girl? You could be a wizard, or you could be in NASA You could write fiction, you could tame raptors Most days I struggle and I get snappy Fuck all that, I just wanna be happy

Swimming against the current Am I wrong? Can you show me a warrant? Honestly, I'm a bomb Abhorrent I'm on it, I get it, I've got it I wanna be 10 again, just me and Sonic And nobody telling me I should be more than I am Back when I had a plan

Both have always wished to be normal in some form or fashion at some point in their life. There have been times, few and far between, one or both has wished that they could be just two normal people with normal families in their village. Perhaps, their parents may have even loved them. And then, they realize they’d have to separate and that is true pain. The thought that the one closest to you could disappear for any reason at all is fear inducing.

Even before he was turned into Sukuna, each brother has always been living on an edge. Of terror, horror, anger, hate. and so afterwards, Sukuna just hates PEOPLE. so much. they created him and can’t take the abhorrent mess they made. He’s happy being himself, it’s everyone else that’s always had a problem with HIM in any form he’s had no choice but to take ( and wouldn’t change them either way ). 

I've seen things that I never should have seen Said too many things I didn't mean Hurt myself too many times to count I need to let it out, and just release Been lying to myself too long Been trying by myself too long I can't relax, I'm too distracted I can't hack it, hmm

I'm needy, greedy Love me, feed me Let's be a family It'll take a village To make a man of me So why couldn't you love me? It's all I need

They’ve seen horrors no children should ever be subjected to. They’ve had to grow up unprotected and open to adults that would and could have killed them at any moment for anything at all. they’ve had to kill men twice their age before they were even taken by the cult in the first place. Asa and Naoki had to raise themselves in a era that was and never would be kind to children OR special cases like them. He doesn’t think much about harming children, because the world he grew up in taught him that the weak ( especially women and children ) do not make it far at all.

The only way to live is to protect yourself. no one else will do it for you. and even if they should, they will abandon and leave you to your fate if truly pressed into a tight space. The humans want to slaughter each other so bad by the hundreds. Why do they even care if it’s him or a regular man taking whole crowds of people out? the root of the problem very much is: he had all the innocence and love a child could offer in the world and they turned him into a monster. He would return that tenfold. It’s all they deserve. if someone, anyone with even a shred of a conscious had gotten to them first, they might not be so bitter. even if they had been taken, maybe he’d wouldn’t be so bad now.

I just want time in a tree I need a place just for me Somewhere that I can be free Keep the faith and just be What you'll be

[paladinofsol]

Haha asks bout the bastard bitch go brrrr

are they more calculating or more sincere in their interactions with others?

what is their mbti type?

how honest are they?

what is their greatest flaw?

how do they feel about death?

how do they typically come across to strangers? to friends? do they frequently use their telepathy to influence others’ perceptions of them?

are they nostalgic for their sidestep days or eager to move on?

yes asking about my sidestep makes me go brrrr as well 💪💪 this ended up becoming longer than i planned so answers below the cut!!

are they more calculating or more sincere in their interactions with others?

Arrow has no problems with voicing his opinions and thoughts, but he makes a point to always be careful and calculating no matter what. He knows when to be sincere and when to twist his words, analyzing whoever he’s with and saying what they want to hear in order to brush all the suspicion off of him.

what is their mbti type?

Logistician | ISTJ-T

“ISTJs are planners; they like to carefully plan things out well in advance. They enjoy an orderly life. They like things to be well-organized and pay a great deal of attention to detail. When things are in disarray, people with this personality type may find themselves unable to rest until they have set everything straight and the work has been completed.”

how honest are they?

Towards others? Arrow is nothing but a mess of deception and deceit. He makes sure to never give anything important away, sometimes making outright lies in order to steer the situation in the right direction.

With himself? Sometimes he doesn’t even know if he’s being honest or not. He’s not only lying towards everyone around him, but to his own mind as well, and he knows all too well that the consequences have already started to weigh down on his crumbling mental state.

what is their greatest flaw?

There’s too many to count

Honestly, one of Arrow’s greatest flaws is that he holds himself to a high standard and will stop at nothing to achieve his goal. He’s willing to sacrifice both his own mind and others’, taking advantage of whatever and whoever he can to finally get what he’s been waiting for all these years.

how do they feel about death?

Arrow sees death for him as some sort of final rest, the calm after the storm, a way to escape and put a permanent end to all his problems. He’s sure that the world would be better off without him, the countless deaths he’s brought with his own hands serving as proof. He won’t let himself die before his plans are finished, but if the universe decided to strike him down after he’s done, then who is he to complain?

how do they typically come across to strangers? to friends? do they frequently use their telepathy to influence others’ perceptions of them?

To strangers, Arrow seems like just some poor tired soul who’s had a pretty rough day. There’s probably more to it, but nobody really cares enough to pay him any more attention.

To his ‘friends’ (aka the Rangers), it’s practically the same thing, but they’ve been around him enough to know that his tired look is just some sort of facade he’s created. They know he’s hiding something, but no amount of prodding and interrogation has been able to reveal what he’s really been shielding from the world all this time.

He doesn’t particularly care what people think of him, but he makes a point to use his telepathy as a way to make sure that people aren’t too suspicious of him.

are they nostalgic for their sidestep days or eager to move on?

Oh boy, Arrow HATES his old sidestep days. He looks back on his life pre-heartbreak and cringes at how naive and trusting he was, a far cry from the reclusive man he is now.

At least, that’s what he tells himself.

Deep down, he knows that a small part of him still wishes he could go back, and he hates himself for that. But no matter how much he tries to convince himself that the old Sidestep was a naive kid who got himself killed, he can’t help but miss the days when his life wasn’t this messy, the days where he could be honest without this many consequences.

[ratplagues]

🔥 any dishonored thing of ur choosing -deathoftheoutsider

wah okay!! i will talk a bit about the outsider and void then..i dont really wanna frame it as a Hot Take bc i have no interest in starting shit or whatever like ill interact with whatever i want to in this fandom and ignore the rest and everyone else is free to do the same but.

I do not think The Outsider is a “character” in the conventional sense, much less that it does his character or the allegory he wields any justice to be shipped with anyone in the series (at least without seriously considering the implications and framing it in a way that completes the allegory. more on this later)

the outsider and his void are an allegory for Otherness; i’m namely gonna frame it as queerness and neurodiversity, but really anything could fit as long as it’s about you feeling seen as a marginalized and othered person. he is written to represent this allegory, not to be a person with a satisfying narrative arc or dimensions. this is why some people feel that he lacks depth-- he’s not supposed to have depth compared to others in the series, he’s mostly a vehicle for what he represents, and is supposed to be easy to identify with or recognize.

he was born to a life of hardship, suffered at the hands of the rich and powerful, was ignored, cast out, etc. etc. a familiar story. poor, queer, nd, really whatever you wanna frame it as. he was a nobody outcast. in comes the envisioned, they pick him to serve as their martyr and idol without his permission. he then had his name cut away and forgotten, and was thrust onto a pedestal to spend the rest of eternity being worshipped by other outcasts who had suffered at the same hands he had. he has something greatly in common with those who worship him, including the very people who stripped his mortality from him in the first place, but because of this shared hardship (and nothing else), his own autonomous personhood was disregarded completely in favor of The Community needing someone Just Like Them to idolize. if this sounds familiar, that’s because it should!!

his humanity was taken from him, and in his place, an idol was created. his human body is frozen in stone in the center of the void-- retired. out of commission. no longer needed. he was immortalized, transcended. this is traditionally desired, although dishonored is trying to convince you that it is not actually desirable. in the age of internet content creation, you can be immortalized without even being present, without knowing about it. you become what you can do for other people, and what you cannot. people fall in love with an idea of you, the idea of you being like them, and other people come to hate you deeply without even knowing you. people came to hate the outsider more deeply than he ever had been when he was human-- he wasn’t seen when he was human. a pedestal only helps you to be seen. the outsider had the choice made for him to achieve immortality in exchange for the simple joys of being un-known.

he spends all of doto trying to convey this idea to billie through the hollows:

"There is freedom in being hated. There is license in being cast out. Some learn this lesson a little too well."  "These people lay their thoughts, their petty wants, their murderous desires in front of me to witness. I cannot turn away." "We carry what was done to us through the rest of our endless days. No one asked if we wanted it." (i like this one. he speaks for the community-- this is a shared experience, one everyone can recognize. however, as a Queer Figure, he never asked for this. he never asked to be immortalized. i like the double meaning here)

not to mention, the entire extent of the outsider’s Sole ability and influence on the real world is to “choose” people and give them untold power over others. this is a fun ironic twist on what marginalized groups endure from powerful people, (dishonored is largely about power imbalances and socioeconomic hierarchies) but it’s also fun to think about in the context of the role model/fan framing-- so many worshippers give their lives to be “chosen” by him. it’s easily framed as an exaggeration of otherwise very real power imbalances and often the flagrant breaching of boundaries existing between creators and fans.

and on the subject of the VOID...ohht he void.....

the void should be a haven for queer folks. for nd folks. it’s wanted by so many to be a safe space, it should be, it’s the Other World! it’s renounced by the abbey, crusaded against, even. but it isn’t. it’s just this limitless, eons-old horizon that hungers and starves for something to fill it. if the outsider is the lament of queer idolatry, the void is the lament of queer Hunger. it is roaming, and restless. it does not belong to the outsider; the outsider cannot survive without it. it’s the desire to belong, not a place of belonging.

the void craves this idol, this outsider-- i, for one, have often experienced hunger for a truly moral and just role model, someone to make the world Right, and i know this is another shared feeling. those who worship the outsider, who drive themselves mad trying to see him or be chosen by him, are suffering from this idol hunger. you see this in a lot of queer and nd kids and young adults. i grew up just having my life and interests like, punctuated by different fixations on different people that i didn’t know at all, only fell in love with the idea of. it happens a lot.

there’s a couple more doto quotes that really highlight this for me:

"They carve my mark into the old bones bleached by the sun. They carve my mark into their skin. They learn true hunger in the Void." "All these charms, these runes and fetid offerings on shrines made for me, will be nothing more than objects worn of meaning. Bones and dead things, thrown into the dirt."

“They learn true hunger in the Void.” is something that i wanna touch on real quick. people can spend their lives obsessing over the idea of what they think the void will cure for them, will fix in their lives, only to find out that it’s just a hollow manifestation of the emptiness they’ve felt all their lives. it’s not the needs met, but the need itself. you have to make the home, it doesn’t already exist and you can’t fucking run to it. it is heartbreaking, frustrating, one of the bleakest messages i’ve ever encountered in a game, but i’ve never felt more seen. by submitting to these ideas, the idea of a perfect unhuman human and the idea of a perfect otherworldly home, you are surrendering your humanity. you’re not only being transformed by the powers gained (if they are gained), you’re essentially dissolving with hunger after never having these needs met. you see so many people in these games whittling themselves down to nothing but base need. empty apartments occupied only by shrines, sometimes containing their corpses. journals of people dedicating their lives to the worship of the outsider, always ending darkly.  "I will find this empty place. Somehow the key to open the Void will fall into my hands. In time, I will learn the secret and he will call to me as he called to her."

not to mention The New Envisioned-- prolonged exposure to the void will always, without fail, turn a human into silver void stone. these creatures can no longer interact with or acknowledge the mortal world. they have surrendered themselves to hunger, and cannot be saved. this is celebrated by the cult, honored by them, even. i honestly like....i pity them, and i hate them, and i recognize that i’ve been those people, lmao. when i was at my worst as a teenager, i wasnt so much a person as i was just a shell full of hunger and heartbreak. my personality was defined by who i was a fan of. i think i definitely was Less Human then. the cult of the outsider is a universal experience!!

dishonored, at its core, is a celebration of humanity. it asks you to celebrate human emotion and weakness despite greed and bigotry. the powers are not to be wanted, they are to be ignored, refused. it is human to hunger, but it is Queer and Divergent to make hunger your life’s meaning, to need to learn the secret, find the key, be chosen and loved and cherished, to be made whole by some perfect thing. to find your humanity in something un-human. dishonored sees all that, mourns it with you, and then asks you to find humanity in each other !! love the spine of your lover, the blood draining down the docks, the pause to stretch languidly in the sun of a work day.

and finally...on the topic of outsider shipping....i dont think that, in his god form, it does him much justice to be shipped with anyone. he’s not much of a person, just a projection of his former self and a vehicle for his allegory as discussed-- im sure he could be shipped like this, but it just isn’t satisfying to me in any way. however, let’s talk a bit about his lethal and nonlethal ending. DOTO asks you to make a choice. is it better to give him an abrupt and merciful ending, after deciding that the fury he’s endured at the hands of others’ famine is too much trauma for any mortal to live with? or will you decide that it’s only fair to give him a chance to live the life he never got to, to return his humanity that was taken without his consent? if you choose to free him from the void, i think you can very very easily make the argument that he can be shipped with corvo, or anyone else that can easily be shipped w/ ppl. he’s finally free to live his life as a queer man, can explore the simple and complex joys of being human with other people, navigate the hills and valleys he never got to before. corvo’s just a nice pick bc 1) experienced human/inexperienced human is good, 2) they know each other, but they don’t. this is a good setup. 3) corvo is an older queer man and uhh you cant convince me otherwise lol! and older queer/younger queer is a self indulgence for me. also corvo is just nice. i think he would enjoy helping the outsider navigate his new humanity.

just some thoughts i have running through my head all hours of the day :) this is really long cuz its a combination of a lot of infodumps from discord lmfao

[home-and-having-tea]

Secrets

1513 words (fic below the cut)

Before shipping out overseas, recruits had been warned about land mines, camouflaged enemies, napalm, and three thousand other dangers that awaited them in Vietnam. Any man signing up for the Army could have figured that an obvious danger would be that of ambushes, but one thing no one could never have possibly predicted was the fact there were apparently vampires who attacked American troops who had the misfortune of stumbling into their traps. A warning of such really should have been included in training. Dave hadn’t even believed vampires existed until he was attacked by one in the midst of an unexpected violent fight. 

Another thing he’d wished the Army had informed him of before his deployment was the fact that a rough statistic of 8% of vampire attack victims themselves developed vampiristic characteristics due to the venom coating the monsters’ razor-sharp claws and teeth. 

Meaning he was one of the supposedly “lucky” percent who survived, though with unusually sharp teeth that showed themself when he was high on adrenaline, and the highly unusual ability to survive far more bullet wounds than any average human. Only his commanding officers were aware of his condition, though he’d come close to revealing his secret to several of his, to be discreet, close friends he’d met in service.

The day he’d met Klaus, he swore to keep his secret as long as he could. This was the first man he’d ever truly felt happy and safe with, and he’d be damned if he let his condition mess up their relationship. Everyone else had reacted with nothing short of terror and hostility, and Dave didn’t know if he could bear scaring Klaus off with the knowledge it would be himself to blame.

And so, he’d carried on. Secretly dating Klaus, and holding the secret of his identity within that secret. Too many big secrets. But, he’d told himself trying to feel better about lying to the man he loved, it was only to protect him. Nobody, not even sweet, caring Klaus, would want to be with someone who was so close to being a hellish monster. It was for his own good. Klaus seemed so happy with their relationship and nobody, least of all him, would hurt Klaus by telling him how horrible he truly was.

He’d been doing so well, with only a few close calls when he’d be scared enough in battle for him to accidentally trigger his fangs. At least, he had been doing well. As it so turns out, getting shot causes many involuntary reactions.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shouts filled the air as the ground shook with the force of explosions. Acrid smoke filled his lungs and painfully dried his eyes. Klaus hated everything about war, but he would go through it a hundred times over to be with Dave. 

When he’d first arrived in the warzone, he’d kept the briefcase on him at all times, ready to flee at a moment’s notice. However, as time went on, he found himself sticking to Dave rather than the briefcase. It lay hidden in a hole under his bed, untouched for months. He knew rationally he’d have to go back to 2019 and help his siblings stop the end of the world but honestly... would they even miss him? His siblings had made it more than clear that they saw him as an idiot with less than worthless powers. What was a few years in Vietnam with the love of his life, who actually treated him like a person, in the long run? If he was being honest, he’d toyed with bringing Dave back with him to 2019 on multiple occasions. What would it be like for him, in a future where they didn’t have to be secretive about their every move together?

Only when a particularly loud explosion rocked the ground did he notice he’d zoned out for a moment. Gunfire cracked on the ground around him, sending dirt flying through the air. He shakily readjusted his helmet, crouching down further to the ground to avoid the bullets whizzing through the air. The enemy seemed to be getting closer as more and more bullets landed in the trench.

“Lock and load, Charlie’s away!” he shouted, peering over the edge of the trench with eyes squinted against the scorching smoke in the air. Loud orders rang out over the thunder of gunfire. 

“Christ on a cracker, that was a close one, huh, Dave?” Klaus grinned lightly at his boyfriend, his eyes still focused on the line of forest where the gunfire was coming from. His quip was met with an unusual silence. If nothing else, Dave would usually chuckle at Klaus’s strange expression. More frantic shouts filled the air. Klaus risked a glance away from the enemy.

“Dave?” he shook Dave’s shoulder. He moved limply from the force. Realization dawned on him as he rested his gun on the ground. A golden flash from a bomb lit up the field like a bolt of lightning.

Dave wasn’t moving. He wasn’t moving. 

Klaus took hold of his boyfriend’s shoulders and flipped him to his back. A gaping, bloody hole in Dave’s chest made the breath freeze in Klaus’s chest. Dave’s head hung limply against the ground, wheezing as blood gurgled from his mouth. Klaus stared for a moment. The shock of seeing Dave bleeding and weak had all but paralyzed him. He broke out of his stupor to press a hand against Dave’s wound. He had to stop the bleeding. He couldn’t lose him.

He yelled for a medic but doubted the sound would carry far over the chaotic battlefield. He pressed his hands harder against Dave’s chest, blood seeping between his fingers.

“Hey, Dave, look at me. Look at me, okay,” Klaus panted. Quiet tears rolled down his cheeks. Dave coughed as he gazed at Klaus with distant, glazed eyes.

“Oh damn it,” Klaus muttered, whipping his head around as he searched for someone who could save Dave. He felt so helpless. He couldn’t watch Dave die in his arms. “Medic!”

Bombs whistled loudly overhead, lighting the heartbreaking scene with bright flashes of red and gold.

“It’s ok. You’re ok. Look at me. Hey, hey, look at me Dave,” Klaus gently ran a hand through Dave’s hair. With unfocused eyes, Dave gazed at Klaus. Coughs racked his body as more blood rose in his throat. Soft sobs shook Klaus’s body as he held Dave to his chest.

“Please, please, please stay with me, Dave,” a loud sob escaped his mouth as he hugged Dave close. “Stay with me.”

Klaus closed his eyes and rocked gently as he sobbed the word “no” over and over. Dave was dying. Dave was dying and he couldn’t do anything to stop it. He yelled for a medic once again, his voice trailing off into sobs before he could finish. The noises of the fight faded away. All he could focus on was the shallow heaving of Dave’s chest against his. All that mattered was that Dave was alive and breathing right now. Nothing else was there. Nothing else mattered. 

Time flew by. Dave’s breath had stilled more. Klaus didn’t know how much time had lapsed. His brain was barely functioning, the only thought in his head was Dave.

...

Dave was breathing. The first thing Klaus had heard in who knew how long was a sudden gasping inhale against his ear. Klaus pulled back from Dave’s chest, tears half-dried on his cheeks burning from the sudden exposure to the smoky air. A faint blue light was dancing across his wound, closing the bullet hole until there was no evidence to support the blood coating Dave’s torso.

Klaus was awe-struck. His eyes flitted to Dave’s face. His eyes, too, were rapidly blinking away tears. A pair of bone-white fangs poked into his blood soaked lips. 

Shakily, Klaus stuttered out, “O-Oh god. You’re-” Dave cut him off, avoiding Klaus’s gaze.

“I’m a monster. I’m so sorry.”

“You’re alive!” he sobbed happily, grabbing Dave’s face and pressing a quick, joyful kiss to his lips. “Oh my god, you’re ok. You’re alive, Dave, oh my god!”

Dave pushed him away gently. “You’re not afraid of me?” Klaus laughed tearfully and shook his head.

“I don’t think I could ever possibly be scared of you,” he smiled lovingly at Dave, taking his hand gently as bombs showered the two misfit soldiers in bright light. Dave grinned back, tears falling soundlessly from his eyes.

“I should have told you…” he ran a bloody thumb over the back of Klaus’s hand.”I’m so sorry I kept this from you. I was just so scared of scaring you off…”

Klaus helped Dave sit up against the edge of the trench, bits of dirt crumbling down his torn shirt.

“I get it, I totally get it, honey. But if it makes you feel any better, fangs are totally sexy,” he joked, squeezing Dave’s hand.

“You’re so weird,” his boyfriend laughed softly. He sighed before squeezing Klaus’s hand back. “I love you.”

“Love you too. Let’s get you to a medic, huh?”

[koko-bopp]

Exposé

min yoongi x jeon jungkook x male!reader

word count – 4K

genre – Angst, fluff

warning(s) – argument scene, mentions of homophobia and racism,

synopsis – An incident happened where your boyfriends had had an interview on national television, and one of them publicized your relationship with then. You're the manager of Bangtan, so your concern fell on your job, your relationship, and your life, but also what it meant for the jobs, lives and relationship of your boyfriends.

A/N – for @thatcucumberwhore :))

"Are you guys fucking kidding me?"

Jungkook accidently jumped at the tone of your voice, though Yoongi seemed less surprised. You'd come in practically throwing down the door of you and your boyfriends' apartment, and that being said, you weren't surprised that Jungkook jolted at the noise, it was unlike you.

"Hyung, er–" Jungkook tried his best to speak up, but was cut off quite quickly.

"I'll get to you later," You snapped, and your attention was fixed on Yoongi. He stayed silent, which is a habit that seems to occur whenever he was nervous, but you were fuming, barely thinking about what your boyfriends' might be thinking. "What the fuck, Yoongi. What the actual fuck, you can't just announce shit without–"

"I did," Yoongi argued, standing up from the couch, looking up at you in anger, "And frankly, so did Jungkook, and you knew damn fucking well it was gonna happen anyway."

"You didn't fucking consult me, Yoongi," You grinded your teeth down, doing your best not to react irrationally, "You can't just make decisions because you feel like it, that fucking stunt could've cost us our job!"

Yoongi had no trouble talking back, "Well, it didn't."

Jungkook went in the middle of you two, clearly anxious and panicking, not knowing how to properly resolve the argument. "Guys, please can we just–"

"No," You snapped, slapping away Jungkook's hand before glaring at him. Honestly, you were so insulted by Yoongi's recklessness, and especially because you're the manager of Bangtan, you had no idea what this meant for your career, but not only yours, Yoongi's and Jungkook's too, "You do understand that our boyfriend just outed us on live television, right? South Korean. Television. Where marital relationships like ours aren't recognised by law."

Yoongi grapped your wrist, forcing you to look at him, "How long were you expecting us to keep this a secret?"

"As long as it kept us safe," You spat.

"Even if it was taking a toll on our mental health?" Yoongi said, almost too calmly, "Not everyone can keep themselves sane enough when it comes to this shit, [Y/N]."

You frowned and just stared at Yoongi.

"Mind you, your job is to look after us as well," Yoongi added.

"That requires you to fucking talk to me, Suga," The anger became evident, especially for Jungkook, because you only call Yoongi by his stage name in a professional setting, never outside of it, "Not snake around and leave things up to you."

You ripped Yoongi's grip on your wrist, taking one last glance at Jungkook before getting your jacket from the hanger.

Clearly, staying in the apartment wouldn't do your anger any good, leaving before the water begins to tip was probably the best option. You didn't look at your boyfriends', just spoke, "I'm staying at Jin's. Don't call me."

✨

"You might as well change your Facebook status to 'complicated', and start feeding my cat, bro," Jin said from the kitchen, "You've been living on my couch for four days. Four days. I don't see why you can't just talk to them."

"I don't know..." You huffed, "Bro I deleted all my social media, and I haven't even opened the television for the last few days...I've yet to cop it from PD, though. God knows what he's thinking."

"Yeah, and no offence, you and your whole, 'Im gonna pretend I'm not bothered by acting so overly professional in the workplace with my boyfriends' isn't proof that you're unbothered. It's proof that this is effecting you," Jin walked into the living room, who beers in hand as he did. He tried handing you one, though you rejected the offer, wanting to remain sober while you're still upset.

Your bestfriend, after your boyfriends, is the eldest member of Bangtan. Partly because you two are the same age, you being just a bit older than Jin, but despite that, you two understood each other well. Also, another reason that your relationship with him is so good is because it's the best entertainment to be around Kim Seokjin, the sarcasm is inevitable.

"Look, I get what Yoongs was thinking, but I also get they you may not have been ready, but I also think you just shouldn't give a shit about what people have to say about you," Jin placed his input, sitting down on the couch near you, throwing a leg over the other, taking a swift sip of the beer. "And that's coming from singer that racists and homophobes hate, those fucks on twitter are the worst."

You laughed at his reasoning, your eyes fixed on the loose string on the knee of your jeans. They're ripped jeans, they're supposed to be there, but it bothered you. "I'm still mad that they didn't ask me about it first.."

"No, that's fair. You feel lied to, I get that," Jin responded, "But, people make mistakes."

You scoffed, "Not like this, I don't put people's lives on the line," You shook your head, running your thumb on the bottom of your lip for a second, "This is Seoul, it's super hard to get a job, it's worse if you're not straight, even worse if you're not pale."

"Yeah," Jin agreed, "But in your case. What radical fan is gonna let Jungkook and Yoongi leave– no– get kicked out of BTS? You know how fucking mad people would be? ARMY would literally boycott BigHit. But let's say it's you who needs to leave, those two would quit their jobs in a fucking heartbeat, people would still be mad at BigHit, and more accepting companies would do anything to have those two in their company."

You smirked in amusement. It sounded true, those two are the biases of a lot of fans, people would pissed.

"And to add onto that," Jin continued, "Bangtan would be mad. You think any of us would put our jobs over our bestfriends' happiness? No fucking way. We're wanted eveywhere, it would take an email and two phone calls to get us a job somewhere else."

You smiled at that, but you remained silent, it was always nice talking to Jin. He was always honest. You lifted your head up to look at your best friend, a little hesitant to give a response, "Do you... Do you think I should..."

"You still got it?"

"Both of them. Always."

"Yeah. They still love you, I wasn't gonna tell you, but I'm pretty sure Yoongi was crying about it."

You stood up from your seat immediately, throwing a pillow at Jin, "You bafoon! You didn't think to fucking tell me?!"

"Ow! I still have a beer!" Jin defended in a protective, half-ninja pose to protect himself from more pillows, stretch his hand to keep his beer alive and unspilt on his leather couch. "Just remember that they need to apologize too, it's not all your fault. Go and see your mans'."

You didn't waste another moment. You throw your jacket over your shoulder and quickly grabbed the keys to your car, slipping on your shoes and racing to get into your car.

The apartment, thankfully, wasn't far, and you know the city of Seoul like the back of your hand so getting there wasn't an issue, it was more about emotionally preparing yourself.

It wasn't as if you thought about what you were gonna say, but hearing that one of your boyfriends who are always so strong broke down crying wasn't a 'think-first-act-later' moment. Jungkook, god, and Jungkook, you'd yet to figure out how he's been handling everything, but you know for Yoongi's sake, he'd try to be staying as strong for him as possible.

You'd gotten three texts from Jungkook in the last four days. One apology, a sticker, and an 'i love you', but your stubborn trait got the best of you. Now having a silent moment, you wish you'd responded.

"Hyung..?"

You didn't know what to say, but you were standing at the door of your apartment with Jungkook in front of you.

You could tell he was hoping for this, he just didn't know when.

He threw his arms around your shoulders, catching you off guard, but as soon as you'd regained your senses, you returned the embrace just as tight as he'd given it. He had his face buried into your shoulder, one hand in your hair trying to remember the feel he thought he'd forgotten, "I thought you were leaving us..." He whispered, holding back a sob.

"Jungkook, I'm so so sorry, I overreacted. I was being a jerk and–" You spewed, but was interrupted when your boyfriend shook his head.

"No, no– I'm sorry too, I thought we were doing the right thing and–" He accidently sniffled, a tear falling down his cheek, "–Ah, fuck... Jagi, I'm just so glad you're back."

You kissed Jungkook's cheek from where he was, bringing your hand up to cradle his head lovingly.

You'd do anything for Jungkook, hes your boyfriend and you love him so much.

You continued to embrace Jungkook, before speaking in a small whisper, "... Kookie, baby... Is Yoongs okay?"

Jungkook pulled away from the embrace slightly, but your hands were still on his waist. The younger wipes the tear stain on his cheek first, "He's had better days... A lot of better days."

"How bad?"

"Remember when Namjoon-hyung and him fought that one time?"

"Oh no."

"Yeah.. But this time it's more heartbreak than anger. I think you'll be fine."

You kissed Jungkook one more time, smiling at hin before hesitantly letting go to head towards Yoongi's room.

You made it three quarters of the way there, then saw the 'go away' mat in front of his door with the cat flipping the finger. It made you chuckle, knowing that then Yoongi had bought it despite the fact that nobody is allowed to walk into the house without socks.

Yoongi does things because something tells him it's the right thing to do. He doesn't act then think, he'll probably think for years and the finally act.

"Jagi..." You knocked gently on your boyfriend's door, "Yoon. It's me... Please open–"

Your request was filled before it was finished, the door swang open to reveal a rather teary Min Yoongi, and your heart didn't handle it well. But you probably didn't notice it well enough, because he threw his arms around your neck almost immediately after. He begun sobbing into your collar with his hands gripping the back of your shirt like you'd run away if he let go. He spoke through tears, "[Y/N], I'm so sorry, I didn't think about how you'd feel and," He sobbed, "But please, p-please don't leave again. I thought–"

"Shhh, baby, breathe for me," You said softly, kissing his forehead as a way to comfort him, before pulling away to look at your boyfriend, holding both of his hands in yours, "Yoongs, it's okay, I'm sorry too, and I know this is something we can work around because I love both of you so so much."

You motioned for Jungkook to come too, watching him walk over then holding his hands too.

It took only a second to exhale, but it seemed too long, "I love you two more than anything in this world. You're more important to me than my job, than my pet–"

Jungkook gasped, "Don't say that! Fluff is a beautiful pet!"

You laughed, and Yoongi didn't stop himself from giggling, but you continued, "Regardless, you two are the best thing that's ever happened to me, that I get to see your faces in the morning is a blessing enough." Jungkook was getting teary and Yoongi was holding back tears as much as he could, but you continued, "You're my heaven on earth. I want to be able to spend the rest of my life with you too."

You for down on one knee, Jungkook's eyes going wide and Yoongi's jaw unhinged to its full capacity. You pulled out the velvet box containing two identical rings, opening it carefully to reveal them.

"Min Yoongi and Jeon Jungkook. Will you steal my last name?"

[laceymorganwrites]

The damn jacket

Word count: 2,210

Pairing: none rlly

Warnings: swearing, mentions of drugs, like a sentence of Mötley Crüe slander xD, um bad structure??

A/N: this is a mess. modern AU, kinda character analysis, idek but it was fun. Inspired by @pirate-shrimp  (if any of u catch the MSI reference I will marry u on the fucking spot)

Kid had bar vibes. He was the kind of guy you found sitting in the corner of your local pub, just far away from the others not to be forced into a conversation but also not far away enough to seem lonely.

He was the local phenomena of the man you didn´t want to get close to but whose story you wanted to know at the same time. The guy who pushed people away because he was more scared of hurting them than being hurt.

Hell, he doubted he could get hurt anymore at this point, over the years he´s lost so many friendships, been betrayed so much by the people he considered the closest to him, it was laughable.

Maybe that was why he didn´t let anyone get close anymore, why he always seemed so distant, his thoughts stuck in a past long gone or perhaps a future he knew he´d never have.

A good for nothing college drop out, those were the hard facts he had to face every day.

It wasn´t because he was dumb that he quit, far from it. Kid wasn´t thrown out, he quit himself because college was too restricting for him. There were some classes that were nice enough, but working towards exams really wasn´t his style, he wanted to do something, anything really.

People like him didn´t have it easy, society measured your worth in degrees and results. But what if the way was so much more fun than the end result?

Kid had a lot of jobs to make a living, never staying in one though, he got bored so easily. How could anyone expect anyone to keep doing the same routinized thing for over 40 years? It was insanity. To him anyways.

Being punk, never fitting in, living the life of sex, drugs and rock n roll…. It all seemed so much more fun than it really was.

Kid´s band was a bad ripoff of Mötley Crüe, though some might argue that the band itself was.

Yes, he fit into some stereotypes that he was so sick of hearing: playing in a band, being that eccentric lead singer that caused too much trouble for his own good, though the second part wasn´t true anymore. Lately he just wanted people to leave him alone.

It was nice being a small town band, the bonds with your audience were so much stronger, it felt like hanging out with friends rather than playing a show for money. Kid never wanted that feeling to end, he never wanted to end up like those big bands who lost their spark, who lost that glimmer in their eyes, their racing heart when Killer counted and initiated their first song, the immense feeling of belonging whenever the crowd would sing his words back to him.

This.

This was what he was made for. Passion. That was what was missing when he was studying, he needed to do things, be that sketching or tinkering with his car or writing everything down that was going on in his head.

In truth Kid started writing because it all got too much, too many fake people around him, too many people acting like his best friend and leaving him cold the next day, too many people telling him they loved him and then spitting at him, gossiping behind his back.

A part of him missed the times when he cared, when he was shocked and hurt by this. By now it´s become so common, like the energy drink before work.

Kid didn´t have the dream rockstar life, not the one where people looked so cool shooting up in those movies, that shit was fucked up and society was sick for portraying it like that.

He only had bad experiences with drugs, living in a small town like this he saw the addicts everywhere, sad creatures who couldn´t support themselves anymore, who got dependent on things that destroyed them because nobody would help, because nobody gave a shit about them. Why would they? They were good for nothings who couldn´t work ten hours in some shitty job that didn´t pay them enough to pay rent.

The system wasn´t corrupt? Yeah, bullshit.

The problem he faced was that of a fleeting society, a society that sped up so much, never once slowing down and looking around to see what was out there. They never thought about expanding their horizons.

Schoolings were looked down upon, but at the same time cheered for. It was so strange… the craft was dying but also needed.

Nothing held value anymore, nothing lasted, nothing strove to.

Kid was happy with his life as it was now. He hated being selfish and arrogant but learned that a certain amount was needed to survive, you needed to look out for yourself before you could look out for anyone else. A local rockstar, frequent bar visitor, the best mechanic in town. All those fit him so well but at the same time he looked the part, oh how he hated it sometimes. The acquaintances he made because of his looks, because people spread rumors about him, making him more myth than man, it was pretty tiring.

Especially when they all were disappointed by the rather bland truth.

Not that Kid was bland in any way, it was just that people expected so much more from him, they wanted him to be this rebel, this punk, this heartbreaker.

Expected him to have tattoos and piercings but the truth was that he had such a low pain tolerance it was embarrassing. Yes, he bore every punch and kick he ever got without any complaints because there were parts of him that told him he deserved it, parts that hated him more than anything else.

Just try it…. there´s nothing you can do that I haven´t already done myself, you can´t hate me more than I hate myself.

Ah yes, the typical phenomenon of this generation: being way too soft and overly sensitive.

That was it, they weren´t more considerate and aware of their mental health and other people´s wellness, of identity and morals, of things that got swiped under the rug because ´it was always this way´. Why the fuck would people so desperately try to keep something misogynistic, racist and homophobic up? Just because it existed the majority of time doesn´t mean it was a good system.

Fuck, it never was.

And Kid was sick of everyone playing down those things. So what if he was a fucking crybaby and didn´t get humor? He wouldn´t take this shit anymore, yeah it mostly didn´t affect him but he got angry beyond belief for the people it did affect.

It wasn´t fair.

He couldn´t do anything? It wouldn´t matter anyway? It wouldn´t make a difference? So fucking what. He´d never know if he didn´t try.

Just now Kid finished up his work at the garage, closing up shop for the day. It was a busy day, many people who were driving through came to him to do a check up, others came by for their regular reparation. He loved that busy meant fun in his world. He was so fucking happy that he could do the things that brought him joy, that burned like a fire in his heart. And no, he didn´t care how cheesy that sounded.

Washing his hands and closing the door behind him he called Killer to let him know he was done. Killer was also just now finishing up his shift at the record shop. Now was their time to rehearse, band practice was always the best part of the day, though quite honestly most of the time it was just the guys hanging out and having a good time. And they wouldn´t have it any other way.

Kid grabbed his jacket and locked the doors before making his way to his car.

The jacket. That damn jacket.

It was where it all started. He bought that old thing from his first ever pay at the garage, his boss told him to spend it on something nice for himself, something that´d make him a man. He didn´t ever ask what he meant by that, his boss said weird things at times. But this was true, at least in a sense.

It was the first time Kid ever stepped foot inside of a second hand store and it was like heaven revealed himself to him, it was pure paradise. Just going through the aisles, finding treasures like no other, it became one of his favorite things to do.

The jacket was the first thing that ever caught his eye, the firs thing he purchased. The black leather with the yellow and dark red details, the skull on the back… it was calling to him. Those were his favorite colors, he didn´t even have to think about it before he bought it.

But what about it made him a man? It was just a jacket after all. But that´s where you´d be wrong.

It was so much more than that.

The very next day he started wearing it religiously, he noticed people staring at him at the streets but this time it wasn´t because he was a loser, it was because he looked fucking cool. The jacket boosted his confidence immensely. And it showed.

His boss complimented him and said that from this day on his journey was only beginning, and how right he was with that.

It was the day he reconnected with his high school friend Killer, he didn´t even know he was back in town, let alone working at his favorite record shop and searching for a band to play drums for. So Kid got his first guitar and played it to death, jamming with Killer and searching for others, thus meeting Heat and Wire, the coolest guys on earth.

He grew so much, finding more and more passion in his life, only his jacket stayed the same. He decided that it was time to change that.

Kid went to the crafts store and bought red leather protectors with a quilting pattern, sewing it to the shoulders of the jacket. He also decided to pimp the skull, making it his own personal jacket in painting on the goggles he wore at work, two knives as a cross because it was edgy and of course: his hair. His untamable hair that would never hold up so he got used to wearing any sort of silly glasses, sometimes even the goggles from work. Hair gel was a lie to him, so was hairspray.

He painted bright red flames in homage to his dyed hair, yeah, it wasn´t just a phase.

Everything was coming together.

He grabbed his stupidly large square blue sunglasses that made him look like a dad. Yes, Kid had a dad style. He loved second hand shirts more than anything, not the boring ones, the ones with the stupidest prints, he wore dad shoes like no one´s business and he was proud of it. He was the cool dad, the cool dad with the big car and puns that were so bad they somehow got good again. But damn, did he have talent with words. Screw not being able to formulate shit in speech, that man could write like a god, or rather the devil. Because, let´s be real, the devil sounds so much better on the mic.

Starting the engine, he drove home to at least make some room to sit for his friends, on the way he shopped for groceries too. Now that he was home he got the snacks, drinks and notebooks ready as well as the tons of pens where he never knew which one worked but never threw any away because somehow he thought he´d exchange the mines. Yeah, as if.

He threw on a black shirt and some black joggers before tying his hair up into a tiny ponytail, still his bangs fell in his face as always. It was annoying so he clipped them back with some black hair clips. He didn´t care if he looked stupid with that, at least he could see clearly now.

But getting a hair cut? No way, he looked too cool for that.

Kid opened the door when the others came and sat down on the couch with his acoustic guitar, lately they decided to play around with reimagining their songs after supporting and motivating Kid to sing rather than growl. He had such a nice guttural and gruff voice, these imperfections when singing, the edges just made the song that much more genuine.

Listening to Kid you just couldn´t help but get mesmerized, the way his biceps flexed when he held the guitar, the emotions in his eyes, the way he frowned and squinted whenever the lyrics got emotional and close to home, it made you want to protect him, to keep him happy, to keep this alive, this wonderful world he created for himself.

The others also scribbled down ideas and practiced new melodies, tried out new lyrics and solos. After a while work mixed in with private chats and the night faded into distant, nostalgic laughter and the crinkles around Kid´s eyes that showed how much it all meant to him.

[violetnotez]

Baleful

Izuku x reader

Since you guys seemed to want that angsty but fluffy Izuku fic, I have hastily written this up for you guys! I hope you like the concept and have fun reading!💜

———————————————————

Stupid.

Fat.

Ugly.

Annoying.

Worthless.

Your head was swimming. the words attacking at your conscience, fueling your every waking moment. To be honest, it was more like drowning, the destructive thoughts forcing themselves down your throat to the point you felt like you couldn’t breathe.

You wanted it to stop, for the words to go away-you just seemed to be unable to shake them for your mind. The little voice inside your head was so persistent, nagging at you to believe every evil word it spat out.

You had to be stronger, you had to fight it-your mind instantly drifted to Izuku, one of your closed friends and, as luck would have it, your crush. Midoriya was so strong all the time, no matter the circumstances-everything could be against him and Izuku would still stand up to fight for what he believed in.

You had to be strong like him, you had to fight back like how he would.

How would Izuku react seeing you like this? You grimaced at that thought, just imagining the shocked and disturbed expression on his face if he looked at your present state.

That’s why you had to stay inside your room for as long as possible: the words would go away at some point, they had too. You wouldn’t allow Izuku to see you like this.

Your clothes had quickly been forgotten the moment you noticed the words return, deciding to lounge in a sports bra and some shorts so you could monitor their progression once they began to fade.

You stood in front of your mirror, trying to see if any of the markings had left your body: they hadn’t. It had been days since the words had appeared on your skin again, etched in as if a tough nail had been driven into you, the letters grisly and ragged. They looked the same as they had on Day One, the rough etchings crawled upward every inch of your body, covering your thighs, stomach, arms….

Rude.

Evil.

Disgusting.

“Stupid quirk,” you thought tiredly as you ran your fingers over the welts, the words stinging as you touched them.

Your quirk was called “Word Play”: if you touched another person, their thoughts would instantly appear on your skin. The emotion behind the thoughts would propel how your skin reacted: if it was a pure and innocent thought, the words would be scrawled on your skin like a pretty tattoo, the letters flowing into the next. But if the words were menacing and hurtful, they’d look very much like the angry, painful welts that were crackling onto your skin right now.

The side effect of your quirk was that during episodes of high emotions, the words of your own thoughts would appear on you. Nobody understood why, just that you couldn’t get overly worked up or you would instantly be covered in painful words.

You sighed, praying that some of the hurtful phrases had left as you stretched your stomach. To your dismay, they hadn’t: “Fat” and “Stupid” were still scrawled onto your skin like a branding.

God why couldn't they just. Go. Away???

You had been locked in your room for what seemed like days now: your classmates would surely be worried, but you didn’t want to alarm them. You didn’t want them seeing you as having a problem, like you were crazy. All you wanted were the thoughts to just go away.

You were trying so hard to not cry, but a small sniffle rippled out of your chest, your frustration desperately wanting to explode out of you.

You watched as a new word scrawled onto your skin, finding a place right in the middle of your chest.

“Weak”

Your bottom lip quivered, your chest heaving: this was the straw that broke the camel's back.

You collapsed onto the ground, hugging your badly scratched legs to your chest. This was hurting too much-you couldn’t take it anymore. But what could you do other than just wait it out? You had so many hurtful words etched into your skin, you couldn’t walk out of your room, somebody was bound to see. You just had to wait, wait, wait.

———————————————————

Izuku had been walking outside your room, eyeing your door with concern. You had been in there for quite a while now, longer than he liked. He had visited you the first 2 days you were locked inside, but you had reassured him to leave: just “some cramps”, something you could handle it on your own. He didn’t want to be rude and keep bothering you, but he wanted so badly to just be with you, to see your face, to see if you were okay.

You were one of his closest friends and his crush after all, he missed talking to you. Even though he felt like a total idiot around you as he was always blushing or stuttering, he couldn’t help but stay away from you. Something about making you laugh made his heart race so warmly, and the way you smiled at him- God, his heart seemed to stop just thinking about that.

This wasn’t like you to be holed up in your room for so long: he was honestly worried for you, and was hating that he hadn’t seen your face in almost a whole week.

Midoriya walked over the door, debating whether to knock or not: he didn’t want to be an inconvenience to you or annoy you in any way.

Everyone was concerned for you, even Kachan, who at breakfast had asked where the little “extra” was at.

The least he could do was reassure that you were doing fine, right? He lifted his hand on the door, preparing himself to knock until he heard a small sniffle on the other side of your door.

Izuku’s heart began to race-where you hurt? What was wrong? He put his ear up to the doorframe, listening-you were definitely crying, quiet broken sobs raking through your body.

Just hearing those sounds made his heart break-something was definitely wrong with you, and he was going to figure it out.

He gulped, hoping what he was doing wasn’t too rash-

“Y/n, it-it’s Izuku,” he asked loudly, his voice wavering, “please open the door. I-I know your upset, and that’s okay! Just let me come in and we can talk, and I promise you’ll feel much better. Just let me help y/n-please.”

He heard the sniffles stop, and for a second he was afraid you weren’t going to open the door-but he heard a soft click and the door swing open slightly, your head peaking out from the crack.

Izuku had never seen you so distraught-your hair was tangled and messy, your eyes dark like bruises. Your face wasn’t bright and happy like always-all the life seemed to be sucked out of you, leaving you looking pale and sad.

“Y/n…” Izuku breathed out your name, his chest feeling heavy-why didn’t he come to see you sooner? What was wrong with you??

He walked into your room, shutting the door quietly. He had been to visit your room countless times before, each time making his heart race. Maybe it was because he was in a girls room, or maybe because it felt so intimate being somewhere you called home, but it made him nervous nonetheless.

You didn’t seem to notice his awkwardness, instead wrapping yourself in a blanket on your poorly made bed.

He stood by the door, just watching you: this wasn’t you, none of this was you. You were so quiet, just looking down at your hands as Izuku stared at you with concern. You had always welcomed him with a smile, a hug, a greeting-none of that happiness and giddiness to see him was there. It was evident something heavy was eating you up inside.

“Are-are you okay?” His question floated in your room, the atmosphere feeling heavy.

“Y/n?”

No reply-you just continued to stare at your hands, your hair blocking your face from Izuku’s view. He sighed, walking over and sitting on your bed, careful to be considerate and not sit too close.

“You know you can talk to me, right? Whatever is on your mind-I-I can help with it. I know it may seem hard to open up, but I promise you’ll feel so much better-“

“But I can’t, Izuku,” you interrupted softly, swinging your head to look at Izuku.

A sob was caught in your throat, Izuku’s heartbreaking again-you were crying. You were trying hard to keep your tears in, but he already could see the tears welling up, your eyes and nose flushed red.

“Why not y/n? You know nothing you say is going to bother me, right? I just want to know what’s wrong,”Izuku pleaded, softly taking your hand in his. He was terrified to touch you, scared to push you away, but he wanted you to know how much he cared. He was so devoted to you: he would do anything to see you smile again.

He watched your breathe hitch when he put his hand on yours, but you thankfully didn’t pull away from him.

“I-I-“ you sniffled slightly, the tears welling up in your eyes. “‘Zuku, are you sure? You won’t be scared-or-or judge me?”

Your voice sounded so broken-it was breaking his heart you were so worried he would judge you if you told the truth.

He cuddled up closer to you, grasping both of your hands in his.

“No! No, of course not!” He instantly reassured you, “I wouldn’t ever do that to you, I promise!”

“Oh-“ you said simple, taking a minute to think. You then sighed, racking a hand through your hair.

“okay then…” he watched as you got up from the bed, standing in front of him. He was confused-what were you doing? He had expected you to just tell him what was wrong, not stand in front of him looking so nervous. You looked adorable wrapped in a blanket, though, your cheeks flushed red. Izuku couldn’t help but notice how conflicted you look, your chest hiccuping slightly.

He cocked his head to the side, confusion plastered on his face until he saw you drop the blanket.

His face instantly turned red-all you were wearing was a bra and a pair of shorts. You were practically naked, standing in front of him, alone in your room-he was hoping you couldn’t see how hard he was blushing. But as he scanned your body, he began to notice something-their were words written all over you.

They weren’t words he was used to seeing on you- whenever hes seen you use your quirk, usually they were just simply black letters.

These ones were like welts, the skin angry and raised as it carved out hurtful words on you.

Stupid.

Lazy.

Liar.

“Y/n-who-who did this to you? I thought your quirk only worked when you touched someone?” He stood up, worry laced in his voice.

He watched as your shoulders began to shake, the tears unable to be held back as you hung your head. He wanted to hug you, but he didn’t know if touching you would anger the welts even more-he instead lifted your chin with his finger, forcing you to look at him.

You hiccuped, your face twisted in hurt and pain.

“It’s me,” you gasped, the tears flowing down your face, “my quirk-if I start thinking too much-my thoughts begin to form on me-“

He gulped, his heart beating painfully-so these words-were your own?

“But, y/n-“ he asked, “why would you think these things?”

“I-I can’t help it!” You yelled out in frustration, your breath hitching, “sometimes I can’t help but think and then-the thoughts take over so badly- I-I can’t stop them and it’s hard to make them go away...I didn’t want to bother anyone-I just wanted to wait for them to go away-by themselves…”

Izuku stared at the welts, his chest feeling tight. He wasn’t judging you for any of your thoughts, he wouldn’t ever do that-he was just so sad you felt like you had to go through this all on your own. He would have been here if he knew what was going on-he would have gotten all your favorite movies and snacks, would have held you and made you laugh until all those terrible thoughts were just a memory.

“I’m not strong like you Izuku.” Your voice was barely a whisper, the hiccups of your chest making your tears flow harder.

Izuku caressed your cheeck with his scarred hand, brushing a tear away.

“You are strong, y/n,” he argued softly, a small smile gracing his lips, “To be able to deal with all those thoughts by yourself for so long-you are so, so strong. I don’t think I’d be able to deal with that all by myself.”

“But you to have know that your none of those things y/n. Youre-you’re beautiful and smart and kind and-and I love everything about you y/n.”

He gulped, his cheecks red from saying that one small word-“love.” He honestly didnt mean to make it sound like he was so love sick for you, but sometimes his true emotions just slipped out of himself

You seemed to not have noticed, only stopping to look at him with a small grin. You had stopped crying, and to his happiness, the words were beginning to dissappear.

“Y/n-look!” He pointed around your chest, the words beginning to heal themselves as it by magic as they sunk into your skin.

You look down as well, and god, the look of pure relief on your face as you touched your skin, noticing how the words began to disappear because of his comforting words could make his heart melt all over again.

You looked back at him, your eyes wide and your face having a little more life to it as relief flooded your body.

You unexpectedly wrapped him in a tight hug-Izuku’s face in flames.

“Thank you ‘Zuku!” You exclaimed, your arms wound tight around his body, “Thank you so, so much-what would I do without you,”

He chuckled, feeling his heart swell from your relief. He was feeling particularly bashful from your intimacy with him right now, but he would be lying if he said he wasn’t loving every second of it.

He gently pulled you away, gazing at your glossy eyes and flushed lips.

“Just promise me if you ever feel like this, you’ll come and get me...I-I care for you too much y/n to let you go through this by yourself.”

“Okay ‘Zuku-I promise.”

———————————————————

Quick note:

I understand what if feels like to have your thoughts take over your mind and make you feel weak (hence the inspiration for this). Just know whatever your mind is telling you, is not true.

You are beautiful, you are worthy, and you are needed on this planet. Don’t forget it- love you all 💜

[stephkaylor]

FAVES and FAILS: The Vampire Diaries

So I have decided that since The Vampire Diaries has a spin off, The Originals, I am going to divide the characters based on where they appeared the most. So on this list I will be talking about the Salvatores, the Petrova/Gilbert line, the Bennets and Caroline, etc. but I will discuss the Mikaelsons, Hayley, etc. on their own list with the other characters that appeared on The Originals mostly. As always, spoilers are abound as I will discuss storylines and character arcs below, so be warned of that.  In any case, here’s my FAVES and FAILS for The Vampire Diaries. 

FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER: Damon Salvatore

Could it be anyone else? I don’t think so. He’s a delightful little sociopathic shit and I love everything about him. He is 99% id and 1% ego, if that, and even when I hated him, I loved him (god, I sound like Elena…). In any case, love this man, five stars, would recommend, chef’s kiss. 

LEAST FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER: …I think Matt Donovan…?

Ugh, it’s hard to pick between Matt, Tyler, and Jeremy, but I think it has to be Matt. I never enjoyed his judgey attitude against everything supernatural, he seemed pretty whiney most of the time, and he was just genuinely uninteresting for the majority of the show.  Not into it. Pass.

FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER: Katherine Pierce (Katarina Petrova)

I thought about giving this post to Caroline by default, but if it comes down to it, Katherine nudges her way into the top spot. Katherine gave no fucks, knew what she wanted and was unapologetic about how she went about getting it, and an all around bad bitch. Was she primarily evil? Yes. But, to be honest, it never really bothered me. 

LEAST FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER: Bonnie Bennet

God, this woman was annoying. She was hypocritical, judgmental, and far too holier than thou for me to swallow her bullshit. She constantly played favorites with Caroline and Elena (I’m sorry, you hold Caroline becoming a vampire against her for like two seasons, but when Elena becomes one, it’s not her fault? Sure.). She hated all supernatural creatures because they “go against nature”, but it’s totally chill for you to perform sacrificial magic to get what you want, unleashing a terrible evil in the process (but it’s not her fault). How she nearly excommunicated Caroline just because she stayed with Stefan after Stefan killed Enzo, as if it was her fault in any way. How everyone treated her like she was a special little unicorn because she’s a Bennet Witch and she’s so magical, like, please, gag me. I could go on, but I honestly cannot be bothered. Hard pass. 

THE CHARACTER THAT DESERVED BETTER: Caroline Forbes

She was essentially shunned by all of her friends and family for becoming a vampire, even though she didn’t choose to become one at all. Also, she was basically used as collateral damage for the entire Salvatores and Gilberts versus The Mikaelsons debacle just because Klaus liked her. She was always the second choice no matter what the situation was (unless it’s her being impregnated with magical twins without her consent and then guilted into carrying the babies, but poor Alaric just lost his wife. I’m sorry, unless it’s your uterus, shut the fuck up). I’ll just be over here doing what exactly NO ONE on the show did, and pick Caroline first.

DEADWEIGHT CHARACTER WE SHOULD’VE DUMPED IN 2009: Tyler Lockwood

I couldn’t pick Matt twice, so Tyler, I guess. He was selfish, a terrible boyfriend to both Caroline and also Liv later, and if I have to hear that boy whine about his fucking sire bond one more time I will literally throw my laptop off of a bridge. 

UNDERHYPED CHARACTER: Lorenzo “Enzo” St. John

Honestly, he’s one of the one things that made the last few seasons of the show bearable.  His delightful British rogue was a lovely way to fill the void that the Mikaelsons left in my heart, his devil-may-care attitude was man-made-manifest of what I was always thinking while watching the show, his BFF relationship with Damon and later Caroline was a joy to watch, and he was way too good for Bonnie. 

OVERHYPED CHARACTER: Alaric Saltzman

He is marginally more bearable right now on Legacies, but he annoyed the shit out of me while he was on the first show. Does he hate vampires or is he best friends with them? Does he want to be a hunter or does he want to stay away from anything supernatural of any kind? Also, he (along with nearly everyone else) basically guilted Caroline into carrying his magical siphoner babies, which is a touch too icky for me…

SHIP YOU WOULD SELL YOUR SOUL FOR: Delena (Damon and Elena)

Could it be anyone else? I never shipped Stelena, as I found both Stefan annoying and Elena too woe-is-me while she was with him. She made Damon want to be a better person and he made her embrace who she really was, monster and all. They had a perfect balance between themselves, and it was a joy to watch. He got the girl, guys. 

SHIP YOU JUST WERE’N THAT INTO: Steroline (Stefan and Caroline)

They were just too…meh. I was entirely uninterested in them, whatsoever, and isn’t that even worse than a ship that you hate? I used their scenes for a bathroom break or to get a snack, as I was guaranteed to miss nothing interesting or important while they were on screen. 

CHARACTER YOU LOVE TO HATE/FAVORITE VILLAIN: Kai Parker

What does it say about me that all of my favorite characters are violent psychopaths…? I’m just going to leave that to be unpacked with the future therapists I’m bound to hire. Kai was the perfect evil. He was powerful, purposeful, and unapologetically demonic in the very best way. I could watch him terrorize my favorite characters forever and not get bored.  Perfection.

FAVORITE STORYLINE: Stefan and Damon’s Brotherhood

If you don’t think this is what the show was about at it’s core, you’re wrong. They loved each other, they hated each other, they died for each other, they killed for each other, and, ultimately, they let nothing and nobody come between them. If you asked me who Damon loved more, Elena or Stefan, I COULD NOT answer you, and isn’t that just the fucking point?!

STORYLINE WE COULD’VE DONE WITHOUT: Magical Babies

I know that a major reason this was even a storyline is because Candice Accola got pregnant, but still…how? Like…she is a vampire..? She is unable to biologically change…? Like can someone grab me a biology textbook and explain how this a thing that can happen BIOLOGICALLY, please? I get that they are mythical creatures, so science doesn’t mean much here, but it just doesn’t make sense in any universe. Also, as I said above, the fact that Caroline was impregnated without her consent and then largely guilted into carrying the babies is a touch too rape-y for me…

BIGGEST PLOTHOLE: Do they go to school, or…? 

Like, are they just compelling the teachers to not notice them not attending class like 90% off the time? Also, how do the people in Mystic Falls not know anything about the supernatural? Like, they aren’t subtle AT ALL so how do they keep sliding under the radar? Also, in a lesser way, how are hybrid witch/vampires a thing? Like, I thought if a witch dies (like they would have to if they become a vampire), they lose their magic…?Make it make sense, Julie!

MOST HEARTBREAKING MOMENT: Damon Dies (the first time)

Honestly one of the saddest moments in the entire series was Damon’s ghost watching Elena lose it when he doesn’t make it back from the Other Side. They were finally happy and together and they can only enjoy it for like five minutes before it goes to shit. Why, Julie??!

BIGGEST EYEROLL MOMENT: Magical Babies (again)

I try to not use something twice on this list but COME ON. This was ridiculous and I do not support this in any way.  (Also this twin bullshit is still fucking annoying on Legacies, if anyone was wondering).

MOST SHOCKING MOMENT (any spit-takes?): Elena forces Kathrine to take The Cure

This was one of the moments that I literally gasped aloud. Most of the time the foreshadowing on these shows is seen from miles away, but I honestly did not see this coming at all. Also, Kathrine was basically the LAST person who wanted that cure so it’s crazy that she was the one to end up taking it and turning human.

MOST BADASS MOMENT: Kathrine kisses Damon at the end of Season 1

Like I said before, she is the original BAD BITCH of the show (not an actual Original, but you know what I mean…) and this was an amazing entry for the character who would be, largely, the villain of the series. It played on the feelings that Damon is developing for Elena, it finally introduced the person who started it all for the Salvatores, and it showed us exactly who she is at her core, and that she isn’t sorry about it at all.

SERIES FINALE SATISFACTORY LEVEL (use no words, just gifs):

OVERALL MARKS OUT OF TEN (10 being this show has changed your life for the better, you happily rewatch the series over and over, and the show has made your life better in some way. 1 being this show gave you nothing but trust issues, a stomach ulcer, and high blood pressure, and you honestly do not know why you did this to yourself) 

7 out of 10. 

I look back on The Vampire Diaries with the kind of fondness that only comes from a bizarre mix of nostalgia and incredulity. When scenes from this series show up on my instagram feed or on my Youtube recommended page, an involuntary smile creeps across my face without me realizing. I could do without like half of the characters and some entire seasons were completely unnecessary to watch, but it gave me some of my very favorite characters and ships, and spawned an entire universe that I still enjoy to this day. This magical, crazy, beautiful world was a joy to experience, even when it made me want to beat my head against a wall at least once per season.

If you want to see the other ones I have made, here's the original post with links. x  Hope you like these! (I say to probably no one...)

[theivanteru]

My two cents on the whole AOA situation.

This is going to be long, I’m sorry.

I’ve seen lots of people sharing their thoughts and opinions on this matter so I thought I would do the same...I think I actually needed to do this.

I, for the time being, cannot listen to their songs, I don’t want to...and yeah it kind of hurts, I know I’ll be able to later and i think I will still like the songs because they are good.

I was so interested in AOA even before their debut, I saw all the teasers, and I’ve kept track of them as a fan since then, they even were my favourite group for a while.

Learning that this whole situation began ten years ago was heartbreaking because it was even when they were trainees and nobody knew them, they still chose to debut like that (all of them). It really shows how the mindset of any person who wishes to debut can be, and gives a new light into how devious and dark the kpop world can, sometimes, be.

In any situation, bullying is horrible and we should not stand by it. But us regular people have it easier. That’s why I think that taking care of yourself and your dreams or goals by not participating is valid and, specially in the kpop industry, is probably more common that we think. Even outside, I cannot judge people who don’t intervene or defend other because, while I’ve had the chance to help others being bullied and even stopped it, I’ve also lived situations where helping was not an option and even where I chose not to. I think it’s part of society and human nature to have this duality and it’s even more intelligent to think how can you help the victim, instead of attacking the bully.

On the other side,bullying (in early stages) takes two roles (bully and victim) Most people get to choose who they are and wether they are going to let it happen or not, whatever you choose, you should accept the consequences. 

I’ve been picked on (never physically fortunately) for different resons since my childhood, sometimes I defended myself, sometimes I didn’t, sometimes I chose to ignore and sometimes I chose to respond. Some memories hurt still, but I’m ok, I was back then and now I can see how processing them made me stronger now. That is not the case for lots of people.

That being said, and sorry for rambling, I’m really glad Mina spoke about it, she needed to release it, I do believe everything she said and I actually find it not surprising 8which is even more heartbreaking). However I definitely don’t think it was the right, clean way to do or even healthy for her. 

I think this bullying situation should be solved between Mina, Jimin and the real professional authorities (doctors, lawyers, police) even mabye the company since they let the situation happen (which is sad how not surpising it is). If Jimin bullied anybody else, then it’s a problem between them specifically.

Just a few days back she posted a picture of her wound, made believe that it had just happened and then cleared out that it was from months back, was it necessary? To me, that post and what she said in it didn’t help her situation, not did it affect Jimin anymore...Honestly I don’t blame her for doing that but then again, to some, she ends up looking unstable and chaotic, and with the experiences she lived she probably is.

As for us (the fans) and regular people and netizens and whoever followed her shouldn’t  have a say in the matter, we weren’t there and we’ll never be...we really don’t know.  I honestly think we should limit ourselves to support Mina or whoever you want to support or believe without involving the other parties and doing justice for them, we’re not saviors nor we should try to be. We are fans, our job, if we even have one, is to support and thats all.

Something that really makes me mad is that I’ve seen videos incriminating others and clickbaiting to sound dramating...I know that’s how it works and thats why I hate it, it really makes us biased and suddenly we’ve lost the ability to think and reason, we’ve become sheep to a title,a perspective and even more so the person that wrote it.

There’s a reality but the perspective depends on the person who is living it, they are ALL VALID so...

As for Jimin...I’m glad she left, it was the healthiest option for her. I don’t see her promoting ever again and maybe it’s for the best, an example for others to think better before bullying.

I just cant empathize with bullying in general, but even more so with someone who shares your goals, dreams, and is even an important part of the team that was given to you in order to achieve success.  I don’t understand what made her do something like that, specially as the leader of the group and a person who is talented, why waste all of yourself on something that is so obviously wrong.

I still don’t think she is a monster who needs to be vanished from existence though so I hope she reflects a lot, gets the treatment she needs, pays her due and comes out a better person, for her and the people that will surround her in the future.

As for the other members... IMO they are not the same or worse that a bully.

They made decisions that now have consequences but I don’t think badly of any of them, I hope they continue to be great, grow up as a person, can be happy and succeed in whatever they choose to do from now on. I completely disagree when people say that they are worse for not helping...we don’t get to choose how someone should have acted, we don’r know how the other members lived the situation.

Mina. I hope she feels liberated and better, I’m gald she is now receiving treatment and I hope she never has to experience something like that again and maybe uses her experience to help others and become a better person herself. I believe her, but no more than limit myself to believe that that is how SHE lived and felt it, it’s her truth and it’s valid. I hope she gains strength to defend herself better in any situation needed and get the happy life she deserves.

I’m now glad Choa and Youkyoung left when they did, let’s remember they knew about this cause of the time frame, but they left. If they were bullied, just unconfortable, had their dreams change, tired, left out, wanted to or they chose to leave as we “officially know” thats what they chose and it was the best option for them, I applaud them and hope they are happier and successful now. IMO, to end bullying sometimes it’s better to remove yourself from the situation before trying to change the bully. Maybe unfair, yes; but I think it’s healthier, brave, strong and maybe even mature as (I believe), you get to take the bully’s streght from them while you can get better and use it to do something else, or the same somewhere else.

Mina said that Seolhyun never once joined Jimin in the bullying, she didn't stop her and was a bystander for that, while still (generally) wrong I think she chose that to be safe, and in that industry I can't blame her for that. I actually think it’s possible that Seolhyun chose to be Jimin’s friend to avoid that scenario with her, or maybe she saw another side of her, she knows her truth and will grow from this scenario. I wish only good thing for her too.

As for Chanmi, she’s always been my favourite. Mina said that she did nothing even when she herself was being scolded cause she's/ was too young and she’s also believed to have been bullied as well, I believe this as well and it was her defense mechanisim, not only Jimin but probably the managers, antis and company staff. She worked hard and will definetly grow from this, I hope she succeeds and gets to be happy and safe.

Yuna is, not surprisingly either, probably the member who is been talked about the least, Mina said she cherised her well but was to afraid to act which makes sense. I don’t see Yuna as a problematic person and I hope she succeeds, gains strength and confidence to become better, as well as the others.

Lastly, it was said by Mina that only Hyejeong said something to Jimin sometimes and that all the others were either too afraid or not participating at all. I really admire Hyejeong for that and hope she continues being strong and making her dreams and goals come true.

Them I like, I still do. I know I say not to judge but I can’t dislike them not even blame them. With that little information I have on the matter and the context of behind the scenes of kpop I’ve learned, I understand why everyone acted the way they did.

The real truth, only the girls know (each their own) and it should be something they (all of them) sort out with professionals, individually and between themselves.

I wish they were taken care of better, that they were treated better so that this never had to happen. This I blame on the peson that chose and for some reason needed to bully her members but MORE IMPORTANTLY I blame it on the companies who treat their trainees and artists badly or just see the money they can get. They forget (and sometimes we followers do too) that they are people, humans chasing their dreams and sacrificing a lot to do it, even their lifes.

The kpop world is awesome sometimes but it can really suck and be so toxic.

Thinking about this, most groups, probably, have cases like this, I think real friendships in groups are rare TBH and thats fine, they are a team, coleagues and that´s all that matters...If they happen to become friends all the better, but thats not necessary to me anymore. 

Today I choose to believe that for every group I follow. And really, I choose to just limit myself to support and enjoy their personas (as in who they are on screen) from afar. What happens behind is only theirs to bare.

If you read this, thanks...I just needed to get this out of my chest to let it go. If you agree, I’m glad and if you don’t thats fine too.

[tyranasauruslex]

So kameron Lester did a live on ig and said he is cutting ties with j* and Shane dawson cause last year when jeffree went to Houston he heard him talking to Shane in phone and Shane was screaming about James Charles (this was before the tati thing happened around beginning of them filming makeup series) so everyone is realizing FINALLY that Shane did have something to do with Tati coming out with that video and that’s why he cut the whole thing from series.

I just watched it and the poor guy sounds terrified! Shane being involved in the James takedown is the least surprising thing to me; did any of you really buy the “I’m an innocent little boy” routine he’s been peddling recently? He’s acting like a child so people perceive his actions as being like that of a child so he can’t be held accountable and won't get hated on. Classic narcissistic move. Shane really sold his soul when he aligned himself with Jeffree and i don’t think he gives a shit about anyone except himself and the money he can make. I’m not even shocked that the James takedown was sent in motion three months before it actually happened. Shane and Jeffree are two incredibly immature individuals who don’t care who they hurt just as long as they get what they want. They’ve created a toxic bubble for themselves in which they are never held accountable and their egos are so huge that they think everyone is “hating” on them. People need to stop wasting their energy on these people because they don not deserve your time and there are plenty of other amazing content creators to look up to and support.  

Jeffree’s obsession with James is honestly the wildest thing to me; i couldn't imagine being the big old age of thirty four and being so concerned with what a nineteen year old kid was up to. Shane and Jeffree screaming to each other about James over FaceTime is the mentality i’d expect two thirteen year olds to have and not fully grown adults. They’re both so fucked up its unreal. 

However what disturbs me the most is the rampant racism in the beauty community that makes black creators feel like they have to align themselves with literal racists to be able to get anywhere. The worst thing is that whenever a black creator reviews Jeffree’s stuff or works with him it’s THEM that gets shit on for it. For a lot of them this is the only way they will get noticed because the beauty industry is so fucking racist that black content creators are often overlooked for their mediocre white counterparts. Hearing Kam describe himself as the “token black beauty boy” was just heartbreaking and then to hear him say that a employe from JSC called him to ask for black creators that would be willing to work with Jeffree to make him look good is vile. He knew he was being used but was desperate to level up because nobody else was offering him gigs so he was stuck with Jeffree. Kam asking Jeffree to apologise to Jacki Aina for his racial slurs against her and getting “she doesn’t deserve to be on my platform” as response should tell you all you need to know about Jeffree’s stance on black people and women in general. 

Jeffree was and still is a racist and his sudden interest in Black Lives Matter is nothing more than performative activism and trying to make people forget his own racist past. He’s using black people’s pain and black content creators purely for his own gain because he’s money hungry psycho and can’t stand not to be the centre of attention. There are literally not enough words for me to describe how much I despise that man and what he’s doing right now. 

[thepropertylovers]

Black Lives Matter, So Why Are We Just Now Talking About It?

And by we, we mean the two of us. But also, at the same time, kind of the rest of the world?

Last week was life-changing. It was a weird haze of a week where we lost track of days and time had almost no meaning. We’ve never been on our phones more than we were last week, sharing and reposting and donating and having uncomfortable but necessary talks with family and friends (about racial oppression, white privilege, police brutality, etc.) and calling out racism on social media. Social media, first of all, is amazing. We kept talking about how, without it, we don’t know if this new civil rights movement (that is LONG overdue) would be as big as it is. With everyone posting resources and guidelines and tips and links and sharing their stories so that others can even kind of understand where they’re coming from, it was a week of so much education and learning.

The thing about people sharing their experiences and their personal stories of racial oppression over the years, online, for millions to see (because last week posts were blowing up and being shared like crazy, thankfully), is that it allows people who may not know anyone with stories like that to see things from a different perspective. It allows people to be placed, in a sense, in other’s shoes and gain an invaluable understanding of how the world works. As sad and tragic and heartbreaking as the past 2 weeks have been, they’ve been a long time coming and honestly this wake up call that we’re all experiencing should have happened a lot sooner. In a way, we’re grateful for this time, but hate at what expense it came.

Speaking of a wake up call, why is the world just now collectively talking about Black Lives Matter? Why have we allowed cops to murder unarmed Black people for centuries before giving a damn? We have so many questions, questions we bet a lot of people are asking right now. And if we’re being honest, we’re ashamed of having to even ask them. We’ve felt all the feelings this past week: guilt, shame, hopelessness, optimism, gratefulness. Our friend Quigley summed up a lot of what we’re feeling in this post she wrote apologizing to the Black community and vowing to be a better ally. We know at this point nobody wants to hear our white guilt and nobody needs it either. We don’t want to waste time even mentioning it because whatever bad feelings we’re having don’t even come close to how those who are truly suffering feel.

But we’re awake and listening now. Our eyes and ears are opened and it feels like everything is different, like there’s no going back after this. The world seems different, and for the first time in a long time, we feel hope for a better future for so many. We will continue to support Black Lives Matter and the Black community for as long as it takes and will do our part to help stop racial oppression and injustice towards BIPOC. There’s a lot of work to do, but seeing how much has been accomplished just in this last week has, again, given us so much hope!! The donations, the protests, the news coverage, the social media shares, the policies being passed, Biden gaining momentum over Trump (!!), and last but not least, just people educating themselves to the very real struggle of what Black people go through every day in this country. It’s true, we have no idea, and it’s hard for us to understand their pain personally, but we know now what we have to do, that we have to show up and do what must be done to make sure everyone is treated equally and fairly in this country. Enough is enough.

We plan to keep sharing, donating, educating, and learning so that we can devote ourselves to being the best ally’s we can be. We, as Americans (and as people in general) have an obligation to help anyone in need and it’s everyone’s responsibility to do what they can to make sure America is a safe place for all to live.

This is just the beginning, friends. Hope you’re in it for the long haul.

Stay safe, stay home, speak up, call other’s out, and please take care of yourself the best that you can.

#BLACKLIVESMATTER

(images via here & here)

[nobodyfamousposts]

I dare you to give that "Adrien accidentally slips out that he knows" a happy ending. But... Only after years of suffering for Adrien and the class. I've never read one of those salty fics with years of consequences, usually it is solved very quickly. Like, they could all met again bc they go the same uni and on their first year they get the chance to make up for Marinette for their fuck up. Can you do that, give them a happy ending? Can you can you? I DARE YOU ANGST QUEEN THIS IS A CHALLENGE

A challenge you say?

Very well.

Lila has been outed. Her manipulations revealed. Not only to the class but the administration as well. She’s removed from the class and sent to alternative placement due to truancy and delinquency, as well as remedial classes. With Lila gone, it’s expected for that to be the end of it. The rest of the class nods to each other, says she deserved it, and figured that now things can get better.

Things don’t get better.

The class is still angry. Adrien is a target of that anger. No one bullies him—not technically. But he is persona non grata in the class. Nobody actively hurts him, but no one will talk to him. Even Nino. No one will interact with him with the sole exception of Chloe. She does her best to defend him and act as a buffer, but it doesn’t help. Honestly, Adrien feels being ignored hurts worse than if the class actively bullied him.

He manages a couple more months before he can’t take it anymore. He stops coming and goes back to home schooling. If he’ll be lonely regardless, it’d be better if he was actually lonely alone. The rest of the class nods to each other, says it’ll be better with him gone, and figured things can get better.

Things don’t get better.

Chloe is outraged. Whatever progress she’s made is undone and she regresses to full bullying mode. She makes a daily habit of throwing out cruel words and sharp barbs that reduce people to tears and have her sent to the Principal’s office with little repercussion. Eventually, she has enough and joins Adrien in home schooling so he won’t be alone. The rest of the class heaves giant sighs of relief, thank the heavens she’s gone, and figure that now things can get better.

Things don’t get better.

It’d be inaccurate to say that Marinette was the “heart of the class” or the “glue” that kept everyone together, but she did play a big part in it. None of them had been particularly close originally, after all. They stuck to smaller cliques and did nothing to defend each other from Chloe or other bullies. And this usually meant Marinette got the brunt of it—she hated the first day of school for a reason, after all. When she finally stood up for herself, she helped to encourage the rest of them to as well. Slowly they started to open up and become friends as a whole.

But being lied to and manipulated has made them wary of others. As has losing a good friend. After everything, the class members subconsciously start to withdraw into themselves. They don’t interact as a big group anymore. Maybe they’ll hang out in twos or threes, but like Chloe, they reverted to their original states of limited friendships and limited interactions outside of those friendships.

Any attempts to talk to Marinette fail. They can’t reach her by phone. They don’t know where she’s going to school now. Talking to her parents gets them nowhere. They have no way of knowing how to even begin to find her.

They don’t get to apologize or make things right.

Nino and Alya break up. Nino tried to support Alya, but leaving Adrien like that did hurt him just as realizing what she lost with Marinette had hurt her. And despite how much time had passed, Alya was still SO ANGRY about it. It was negative and unhealthy, with more fighting and less ability to actually enjoy being together. For all that they may have wanted to, they weren’t able to really support each other the way they needed. Ultimately, they just couldn’t keep the relationship going. They sit on opposite sides of the class now, with Nino burying himself in his music and Alya almost obsessing solely over the Ladybug and her dedication to truth.

Things…don’t get better. Any new students to the class quickly request to leave. The next year, they are all separated into new classes with maybe only two of them in the same class at once, and the tension is at least slightly relieved. But they remain distant from others, still feeling the pain of the previous lies they fell for and either unwilling or unable to trust anyone.

Nino dates Mireille for a short time. It doesn’t work out. It hurts, because he still feels like a failure whether as a friend or as a boyfriend, that regardless of what he does, he can’t be what anyone needs.

Alya dates no one. Dating and romance get in the way and distract her from the truth. It hurts, because she still blames her relationship with Nino for causing her to so readily push her best friend to the back as she did.

Adrien dates a lot of people. It’s never confirmed if they were arranged relationships or not. Adrien never seems to care. Not about the relationships or the people he’s supposed to be involved with. He becomes known as a heartbreaker, and a number of akumas were created due to him.

He loses a lot of what made him bright. The “Sunshine Child” is more of a “Downpour” and his modeling ends up reflecting that. This actually helps the company, as people love the emo boy image. It does cause a number of other models and workers to be concerned about him, though.

Chat Noir is different. Sadder. More despondent. Joking less. Not flirting at all. If it wasn’t for Ladybug encouraging him, he probably would have quit altogether. She becomes the only good thing he has left and he is desperate not to lose her. Ladybug has concerns about his co-dependency, but can’t bring herself to force a conversation about it. She simply tries to support him as best she can.

College ends. Graduation is something obligatory rather than an achievement to enjoy.

University begins.

Marinette stands on the steps, contemplating her future and trying to take steadying breaths before she enters those doors.

She hears her name called out and turns to see a surprised Adrien behind her.

She blinks back in surprise herself, having not expected to see him again, but she smiles politely and greets him back.

He looks relieved to see her, though she doesn’t quite know why. A few minutes are spent talking. About where they are now. About their classes. About their plans for the future. And not once does Marinette stutter—she’s sure her 14 year old self would be proud. Or die of shock.

But class is about to start and they have to go. Before Marinette can completely turn away, Adrien grabs her hand.

She turns back to look at him and nearly starts in surprise. There are tears in his eyes and he smiles brokenly. He looks almost fragile—like one brush of wind would be enough to break him.

He asks her if they can meet sometime soon. For coffee maybe? It’s good to see her again and he…needs to talk to her about some things.

Marinette smiles gently and agrees. Adrien looks overjoyed. They come up with a time and place, then part ways with a smile.

University ends up becoming a time for reunions, apparently. Because sure enough, for the next several weeks, Marinette ends up running into a lot of her old classmates. Max in math class. Rose in literature. Kim runs into her when they’re both on their way to the athletics department and happen to cross paths. Juleka happens upon her in the bathroom. Alix nearly runs her over in her skates. Nathaniel is in the art class after hers. She happens upon Ivan and Mylene during lunch break. Nino in physics class. And Alya as she’s leaving the school for the start of the weekend.

Each and every one of them greets her with surprise and awe, like they never expected to see her again and are so happy to be wrong. She makes time for them, because that’s the kind of person she is. And when the past is brought up, it’s of little surprise to her that they reveal the discovery of Lila’s manipulations after she left.

A part of her feels angry and hurt. That her leaving had such little impact. That it was only months after she was gone that they finally figured things out. That her word hadn’t been enough.

But she’s older now. Stronger. Wiser. Happier. 

So when each of them apologizes, she forgives them. She reassures them because Lila was used to manipulating people and knew what strings to pull. She’s not entirely convinced that she would have been able to figure out Lila was lying so easily if she hadn’t heard that first lie about Lila being BFFs with Ladybug. She reminds herself that she had the benefit of inside information that Lila couldn’t have known about to protect her whereas no one else did. She reminds herself that they were teenagers with big dreams and prone to trust easily. She reminds herself that she had done a number of silly things when she was younger as well.

So yes, she forgives them. More easily than any of them think they deserve but with all the love and support that Marinette has always had.

Some of them laugh in joy or disbelief. Some of them cry. A couple of them try to hide the fact that they’re crying and Marinette quite politely pretends she doesn’t notice. Alya breaks down sobbing in Marinette’s arms and apologizing repeatedly. Nino stays silent as the tears fall and Marinette simply remains seated next to him in quiet support.

Each of them leaves the conversation feeling lighter than they had in years.

[purplesurveys]

665

Grossest thing you’ve seen in a bathroom? For some reason I’ve always found myself more grossed out with seeing improperly-wrapped sanitary napkins than poop that failed to flush. I get all wince-y with blood in general, so maybe it’s why. You’d be surprised at how many girls DO NOT and cannot wrap their napkins up properly. Is there a place on your body you can’t stand to be hit? My head I guess? It’s the part of the body I technically use the most, and I would hate to have it hit or slapped or be in general discomfort. Do you consider your family dysfunctional? It’s ‘dysfunctional’ in a sense that we have no capacity to be emotionally intimate with one another – we’re all very distant and can’t have heart-to-heart talks. But other than that we’re doing pretty okay, and we’re honestly one of the happier families I know. I don’t need to be emotionally close with my family because I already have that relationship with my friends, so I’m not bothered much by that aspect. Do you hate people who act like everything is fine when its not? No? If anything I admire them for keeping themselves together. Do you get nervous during interviews? Depends on what kind of interview. Lighter interviews, like when I applied for my present college org, didn’t bother me a lot; but I’d imagine job interviews would terrify me.

Ever had a body piercing ripped out? Yeah, I accidentally ripped the piercing on my left earlobe when I was ten. Worst FUCKING pain you could ever think of. To this day, the ‘hole’ is still one long line from being dragged down. Ever cook/mix up your own concoction and it actually be good? I don’t cook a lot but I do add mayonnaise to a great deal of dishes and I always turn out liking them, but that’s because I love mayo lol. Can you sew/croshae/knit? I know it’s 2020 and we’re tired of grammar/spelling nazis, but that is a rather IMPRESSIVE spelling for crochet, lmao. Anyway, no I don’t do any of these.  Are you a heartbreaker? I don’t think so? Idk. Do you have a common middle name? If by middle name you mean the name I adopted from my mom, then no, it’s not common, not even among Filipino names. Been given laughing gas? Never, and I’m also scared to know how it feels lmao. Do you put the cap back on the toothpaste after using it? Always. Have you shot off a firework from your car? No. That’s possible??? Do you like jelly beans? They’re fine, but I like other candies much more. Do you keep literally everything in your purse? I don’t own a purse but haha yeah, my wallet is pretty loaded with items that aren’t money. I dunno why I always forget to take them out. Are you straight edge? I used to claim that I was. But there’s a saying that goes if you stopped being straight edge then you never were, so I don’t identify as that, nor do I say I used to be edge. I admit that I was a bit of a poser, but I’ll also be honest in saying that when I was a teenager I had used to feel so lost and just like such a big nobody, that claiming that I was edge gave me some kind of purpose and a sense of belonging, even for a little bit. It kept me alive and it kept me positive back when I was still struggling to know who I was, or what I was meant to be doing. So I was happy claiming to be ‘edge’ during that time. I’ll always be sorry for letting it go the second I had my first sip of margarita though. Are you there to pick up the pieces for someone? Sometimes, but I think it’s okay when you’re okay doing it. It gets toxic when it starts becoming a chore. In my case, I’m okay with picking up the pieces for the people I love. Are you offended when you see women breast feeding? I’ll forgive this question because this survey was made in 2009, but the simple answer is no, I don’t get offended. What do you drink when you’re sick? Warm water, and that’s about it.

Do you hate when people keep things from you? If they already introduced a certain topic and hyped it up, but decided to refuse to tell me the rest, then I’ll be annoyed. Do you use mouthwash? No. Are you hard-headed? I can be. Can you multitask? It depends on what I have to balance. I can’t drive and do a Powerpoint lmao, but I can work on two academic papers at the same time, especially if both of their deadlines are coming up. Are you too sensitive? Yep, in every sense of the word. Ever had to wipe your computer because of viruses? Had to do this for my old HP laptop, yeah. Not anymore with my present laptop. Are you a speed demon? Sure. I certainly don’t work slowly. Is your name/last name constantly mispronounced? Nope. It’s pretty straightforward. Who sunk your battleship? No idea what this is a metaphor for. Who wears the pants in the relationship? My girlfriend certainly does, and I have no problem with it lmao.

[swellwriting]

Pull me close, push me away.

Fandom: Harry Potter (Marauders Era)

Pairing: Remus Lupin x Reader

Warnings: There is smut but it is clearly separated from the rest of the story with full lines and brackets so it is easily skippable without missing any plot!!!! Smut is for anyone 18 + only please and thank you

Request: NONE, this is loosely based on the song “When the party's over” by Billie Eilish!

Summary: Remus only wants someone to hold when the full moon comes around, someone to patch him up, he thinks that feeling is mutual but it's not, angst ensues. Edit: I tried to edit this to make sure it was all in the right tense, it starts as past tense and then changes to present if it’s still confusing let me know!

Word Count: 5.3 k

She’s quiet when she comes home, always alone as per usual, walking into an empty house but tiptoeing around like she could wake the dust that lingered.

Maybe it’s because she wasn’t used to living alone, maybe it’s because she was pretending that she didn’t. She would lie to her friends and say, “I like living alone, wouldn't have it any other way!” But they know the truth. They know she's scared of the dark and what lingered in it, they know how much she wished that all of her friends from Hogwarts could all have lived in one big house together.

It was talked about when they were young, single and not in love with anybody but themselves. Currently, all of her friends were in love, so deeply and devotedly too, some were even married which she could never wrap her head around. How do you make someone want you and commit to you for that long? Maybe there was something wrong with her.

She turned on the bathroom light but turned it off right after when she instantly noticed a tiny amount of dark red blood that had dried to the sink, she must have missed it when she cleaned. It used to be therapeutic to clean the whole bathroom, wash him from her life once again, start fresh. She would tell herself that she wouldn't go back this time. But now it had become a chore, she could use her tears as a cleaning solution if she needed.

For every time she had fallen for him, he had somehow fallen to her feet, covered in his own blood, even more. For every time she cried that she missed him as she fell asleep alone, he cried to her to about how much he needed her. That was an even worse lie than hers, the lie that she liked to live alone because truly she wanted to live with him.

Remus wasn't a bad person either, as a matter of fact, he was a wonderful and good person but he had a terrible problem in his life that he had to deal with. Y/N had promised him that she would always be there, that she would always help him when he needed her, she promised him the night she had found out his secret.

-(flashback)

Y/N walked into James and Lily’s house, it was late at night but she knew they would be awake. She said she was just passing by but the truth would be that the green light of a muggle streetlight scared her, flashed in her eyes and made her feet walk somewhere she knew to be safe before her brain could even comprehend that there was nothing at that moment to be scared of.

She opened the door letting herself in with the spare key they had given her and saw a bloody Remus being patched up by the gentle hands of Lily as James sat nearby. She dropped the spare key and covered her mouth in shock.

“What happened?” She spoke behind her clammy hands, trying to stop them from shaking. To see a friend in such a state is troubling, to see the man she secretly loved like this was heartbreaking.

James stood up and held out his arms, placing one behind her back and quietly guiding her to the kitchen as Remus stared at the floor. “Look Y/N, Remus never wanted you to know, we assumed you would have figured it out by now but you were always so… you never asked questions, never pried him for answers. He never wanted to have to tell you.”

“Tell me what?” She choked out, growing more confused. It was true what James had said about her. She would see him covered in scars, she would hear the inside jokes and nicknames but never paid any mind to them, she never dove into what would be causing this. She never wanted to know where the scars came from or where Remus disappeared to for weeks at a time, she was just thankful for when he was there.

“Remus is a werewolf.” “Since when?” She gawked, everything falling into place and slowly making sense in her head. “Since he was about three I think?”

“I, I had no idea. I-” She stuttered, trying to process the information she had just learned, it didn't make her love for Remus diminish at all. Lily entered the kitchen, placed a box full of magic healing pastes and bandages down on the counter, washing her hands of Remus’ blood. “Did you tell him?” James asked quietly and Lily just nodded in response.

“Tell him what?” Y/N asked, copying their hushed tone.

“That he can't come here for help anymore. Lily is pregnant.” The mix of wonderful news momentarily outweighed the negative. Y/N’s face was filled with a smile as she hugged Lily tightly, forgetting for a moment about all the issues at hand and just allowing them to be excited about this. “I'm so happy for you guys.”

“Thank you.” Lily smiled, looking relieved for someone to actually be excited instead of trying to make her aware of the concerns of having a baby in this time of war, just someone excited for her, happy. “You can go talk to him if you'd like.”

Y/N smiled at her friends and then walked out of the kitchen, tiptoeing again like she had to be quiet, though it was obvious that Remus was aware that she knew his secret now.

She knelt beside the couch he was lying across and placed her elbows on the cushions, resting her head in her palms. “Hi Rem, how ya feelin?” She asked quietly trying not to startle him, knowing he was probably in a great deal of pain.

“Things just seem to be getting worse and worse.”

“The pain?”

“No, that I'm used to, it’s comforting a bit, familiar. But tonight I've gone through a full moon, you found out the truth, and now I have to figure out where to go after full moons since I shouldn't come here anymore,” he mumbled complaining aloud to make himself feel better.

“I can help you. You can come to me if you need anything, I promise.”

-

Remus tried to go to see Sirius after the next full moon but Sirius was never good at healing magic, they always left that part up to Madam Pomfrey. Sirius tried, he wanted to help his friend, he wanted to protect Remus from himself but there was nothing he could do. By the full moon after that Remus had decided to go to Y/N’s house after much encouraging from his friends that she would be more than happy to help him.

It started out like that too, he would knock quietly and she would open the door immediately and remind him that he never needed to knock. She would help him make his way to the bathroom and sit him down on a chair she had placed there just for him, moving it beside the sink as she began washing away the events of the night.

She was gentler than most, in no rush to have Remus fixed up just so he could leave. She had always had a crush on him, but as her loneliness grew so did her longing for him. She imagined what it would be like to live with him, to never have an empty house, to not have an empty bed, to let him cook her meals because even with the use of magic she was rubbish at it, often ordering muggle food to her door.

He would ask her questions, more as a distraction from the pain and so it wasn't so quiet, but she was so vulnerable around him, she would answer any question he would ask.

“Are you excited they are having a baby? Do you like babies? Why do you live alone? Why do you have a key to Lily and James’ house? What are you scared of? Why didn't you go out on that date last year with that Auror guy? You really like being single?” All questions she would answer honestly, she told him her deepest fears, that she was really scared to live alone but it was her only option, that she didn't go on a date with that guy because her heart lied somewhere else, that she hated being single but she felt that nobody wanted her.

Remus was not a bad person, he wasn't asking her these things to manipulate her, he was just curious, but they did work in his advantage even if he misunderstood some of her answers. He didn't take the hint that maybe she liked him, or wanted him, he just assumed she wanted nobody, that the place her heart lied was with someone she hadn't met yet. So after a few months of this Remus showed up on Y/N’s doorstep the night before the full moon, she let him in as she always did but he was in search of something more than she had ever given to him before, but she had thought so many times about.

He came in, sat down on the couch a little closer than he would anyone else. He started to explain and go in depth about how he felt each month leading up to the full moon. How he felt strong urges, he felt this need. Remus wouldn't want to use the word primal but he had to admit that's what it felt like. The change his body was preparing to go through was stressful and maybe this was his body’s way of stress relieving, maybe it was even a side effect of the Wolfsbane.

She listened, placed a comforting hand over his and that small bit of contact was what brought him over the edge, he smashed his lips against hers and moved his body closer. She didn't care about the reasoning, she didn't care that he only needed this from her, that he didn't actually want or love her. He hadn't thought it would be an issue, he had no idea she was so deeply in love with him and this would make it so much worse, make her even more attached to him.

So as he desperately peeled her clothes from her skin, she did the same to him. As each piece of her clothing was removed, a brick from her walls was removed as well, letting him in, letting him demolish her with no thought of how long she would take to rebuild.

Remus thought that this is what people did, that this was a casual type of thing that could happen between friends with no feelings or strings attached.

The problem is that communication is very important, it's easy for things to be one-sided when you can't understand the other person's view, so what was a step forward in her eyes was nothing of the sort to him. If he had known how deeply she felt for him he wouldn't have crossed this line, but it was too late to turn back now.

_______(Smut below this line)__________

She ran her hands along his bare chest, feeling the scars she had longed to run her fingers across for so long, scars that she never knew the origin of before. He was quick in his movements, he had an end goal in mind and he wanted to get there as fast as he could. 

She tried to slow him down. When he lifted her hips bringing her onto his lap, pushing her underwear to the side and trailing harsh kisses and bites down her neck she gently and slowly moved her face so his lips were on hers again, savouring the kiss. 

It should have been obvious, the way she gently tugged on his hair and kissed his forehead while he slid his hand between their bodies, putting two fingers inside her and moving gently yet swiftly. The way she lazily put her hand down his pants and stroked him carefully, exploring and taking her time.

He removed his fingers grabbing her hips again and lowering her onto him, she looked in his eyes and moaned into his mouth mid-kiss while he looked away, moaning into the skin behind her ear, grunt against her collarbones.

It didn't take them long, it was a built-up tension, they both needed that release in different ways. When they came down from their highs he moved her to sit beside him, both struggling with flushed faces and laboured breaths unsure of what to say next.

__________(Smut ends above this line)__

"That was-" he started  and she giddily sat up on her knees, a bright yet elated smile on her face as she responded, "Fun!" Which was a confusing choice of words when she meant to say it was life-changing, it was everything she had wanted for so long that happened in a span of five minutes and she wanted to happen again.

"Yeah," he agreed, taking her casual answer and letting himself not be anxious about what had just happened in a moment of passion and need, "fun."

-

After more months of this, Remus showing up the day before the full moon, being very satisfied by her company and pleasured by her touch, he would disappear before nightfall. It was the perfect excuse to not have to fall asleep in her arms right after, crossing his own mental line that after sex cuddling was prohibited, though he never vocalized this to her.

She would stay up, wait for him to come back in the early hours of the morning, tea and a book in hand, a quiet vinyl playing to drown out her thoughts, her worries about him.

Then he would show up, he didn't knock anymore. He would walk in and fall into her arms, tired, sometimes angry, sometimes with tears drying to his face as fresh ones fell which meant he had been crying for a long time before he apparated there.

She would wash away the blood, wash away the tears while being reminded of how many times she cried when he wouldn't stay. Then when the pain got too much for him he would pass out against the bathroom tub, or fall easily asleep in the chair. Her couch being too small to hold him she would have to grab her wand and bring him to her large bed which usually remained half empty. A large bed that she littered with books and papers that she would have to brush aside, pulling the blanket down and then over his sleeping form.

She would crawl in beside him, careful not to get too close, wanting nothing more than to wrap her arms around him, draw circles on his bare back and kiss across his shoulder, kiss the wounds better. She would stay up as late as her eyes would allow her, for it was already so late into the night or early into the morning when he would arrive. Although he would be exhausted every time, he would wake up early, spare himself the view of her so peacefully sleeping, refusing to let himself turn around and see her relaxed face, after staring at her worried one all night. Then he would apparate away, to his much smaller home, much less comfortable bed and much less full cupboards.

His stomach would growl, and he would wince, he always forgot to buy food beforehand, he wasn't sure if he could ever even afford it. He would imagine for a moment what it would be like to allow himself to stay one of these times, allow himself to wake up and pull her closer, to wash her sheets clean of his stained dried blood for her. To make her breakfast with the pancake mix she always complained about having too much of but the pancakes tasting terrible every time she tried to use it. He could hear her croaky morning voice after allowing them both to sleep in well into the afternoon. He pictured being in love with her.

Then those thoughts would be interrupted by yet another growl from his stomach, he could easily apparate back to her, do everything he just imagined so happily in his head. But he thought there was no way she could love him. This was casual, though the two of them had never actually talked about what "It" was. So he would force himself to go back to sleep and then go to Sirius’ house a few hours later, Kreacher made pretty good breakfast anyways.

Y/N would wake up, stretch her arms to find a bed empty, cold and stained lightly with the remnants of blood she couldn't manage to wash away first thing in the morning. She would pull up the covers to hide it, close the bathroom door so she didn't have to see the mess and then curl up into a ball on her small couch where she would spend the rest of her day falling in and out of sleep, for the only thing that could comfort her had always left before she had woken up.

-

It was now a few days after the most recent full moon. Y/n went to have lunch with Lily, it was weird how life went on in times of war. How Lily and James had Harry now, how she and Lily never stopped having lunch weekly, how Remus somehow didn't value her any more than he did before knowing he could lose her at any second. Things stayed the same.

Harry wrapped his small hand around her fingers with one hand and tugged on a loose strand of her hair with the other. Babies always did stuff like that, it made her feel real to interact with Harry. He looked at her so lovingly too, it almost made her cry, it almost made her wish she could have this herself. Then she was faced with the truth that if Remus didn't want her more than once a month, he definitely wouldn’t want anything like this with her.

“You look like your about to cry again?” Lily asked gently as she handed her a bottle to feed Harry with.

“Do I?” She asked sheepishly, her voice cracking slightly.

“Yes, and you have looked like that for months. Y/N you need to stop putting yourself through this. I think you need to talk to Remus, really talk to him without letting him into your sheets. Tell him how you feel because I can't stand watching you go through this so I can't imagine how it actually feels for you.”

Y/N just nodded in response, trying to hold back her tears and emotions, focusing on happy baby Harry instead, giving him his bottle and watching how he still used one hand to hold onto her fingers.

“Y/N, promise me you will talk to him next month.”

“Okay.” She agreed, still avoiding looking at her best friend.

By the time the next full moon had rolled around Y/N was ready, she had practiced exactly what she was going to say, how she was going to compose herself, assert herself and make Remus listen. When he apparated into her living room she was already there waiting, he quickly closed the space between them and with no words exchanged he moved closer putting his hands on her waist and staring at her lips, having done so so many times before. She put her hand up blocking her mouth and stepping back away from him.

“Remus wait, I need to talk to you first.” He came to a halt at her words, maybe she just wasn’t up for it today and he would totally be okay with that. “Yeah?”

“I um, I need to talk to you about something.”

“You said that part already,” he responded with a casual chuckle as he let himself fall comfortably to sit on her couch.

“I’m just I-” It was like everything she practiced in front of her bathroom mirror, every emotion she poured out to her shower wall had now escaped her brain, only three words repeatedly bouncing against her skull, getting louder and louder in her ears until she said them out loud, “I love you.”

Remus’ casual demeanour was instantly washed away as she opened that floodgate on him, his fake confidence that was hiding his truly needy nature underneath was gone. When he didn't respond, just blinked and stared at her she decided to elaborate.

“I always have too, for like, yeah a long time. I've loved you since I met you probably and I know that sounds a bit dramatic but it's true, it started as a small crush but now I'm so hopelessly in love with you and I need you to know that. Know the truth so you can leave because this is torturing me, teasing me with everything I want but I can't have. I'm sorry I ruined this between us.”

Remus grabbed her shaky hand as she stood in front of him, pulling her down to fall onto the couch beside him, it hurt being this close to him since she felt so exposed right now.

“You didn't ruin anything, I just always assumed it was nothing to you.”

“It was everything to me, I was scared that if I told you or showed you that you would leave.”

“I'm glad you told me but, I don't know what to do with this information,” he admitted. Yes, he loved her but he didn't think he could allow himself that, allow himself to really love her even if she did want it. He didn't deserve it in his mind, he would be putting her in a whole other level of danger.

She stared at him, with hope basically overflowing out of her eyes, her heart stuck in her throat.

“But there cant be anything more between us.”

The hope turned to anger in her eyes like a flash of lightning and Remus wasn't prepared to deal with the storm he created.

“That's fine.” She spit, she was angry, upset, heartbroken, she wanted her feelings to be heard. She wanted him at first to know that she loved him but now she needed him to feel the pain he had put her through, how she felt about him when he left her every month, used her.

“I guess it’s just another thing you know about me like you don't know too much already.”

“Hey, what's that supposed to mean?”

“I told you all my secrets, my fears, my wishes and you never told me anything, I poured my heart out to you and you let it sit in a puddle on the floor for me to clean up myself. You only hurt me because I let you because you made hurting me feel so good that I welcomed the pain it left behind. You thought of me as no more than a friend, you ignored me and sat on the couch away from me when we were with our friends together but in the comfort of my own home, in privacy and in your time of need you pulled me closer. I thought that maybe, having you once a month was better than nothing, but having nothing is better.”

Suddenly the heartfelt speech she had practiced before had turned into a waterfall of emotions and hard feelings she felt when she cried herself to sleep, the literary feeling she felt when she woke to cold sheets.

Remus pulled his knees to his chest, putting a wall between them, tears rolled down his cheeks and he looked at her. Looked at the pain he had caused her and let himself feel it too as it radiated off of her. “I don't know how to make you feel how sorry I am.”

“Just tell me why you used me, why you kept coming back when it was so obvious that I was in love with you.”

“It wasn't obvious to me! I had no idea that you were in love with me until right now, the same way you had no idea I was a werewolf until James had to tell you.” He tried to explain himself through laboured breaths and she sat there listening with a heartbroken frown on her face and tears falling off her cheeks and wetting her shirt.

“I didn't know you loved me because I loved you too and we showed it in such different ways, I've never been loved I didn't know that was real I thought it was just an in the moment thing.”

“That was you loving me?” She practically scoffed at him.

“No that's not what I meant. You pulled me closer because you loved me, I pushed you away because I loved you and thought that would make it easier because in my mind there was no way you could ever love me. In my mind, I don't deserve this at all, I don't deserve to hear you even say the words I love you, I don't deserve to have you kiss me so passionately, touch me so gently and I definitely don't deserve to call you mine, to live with you and have a real life with you and make you stupid fucking pancakes.”

“Why don't you deserve that? Because you’re a werewolf? Because for the past almost year I have been dealing with literally only that part of your life with you. I've handled the blood and the late nights and the fear of losing you, I think that you deserve all the other parts too, I know I sure as hell do.”

It took that for Remus to realize, he was trying to save her from that part of himself while simultaneously only showing her that side, the part of him that came out before and after full moons. She didn't get to have him for the rest of the month. She could already handle the worst parts of him so easily, so lovingly. Maybe she was right, no she was definitely right, so he told her exactly that. “You’re right.”

“What?” She said dumbfounded that he would so easily agree with her.

“Everything you just said, it was all right. I'm sorry it took me so long to see it, I'm sorry I let this go on for so long.”

“We both let it go on too long.” She said with a weak smile as she squeezed his hands that he couldn’t remember her ever holding before this moment. Remus looked from his hands and up to her eyes, he really looked into them instead of avoiding them as he did before, leaning in and kissing her. Remus let all his emotions out through the kiss as he squeezed her sides and pulled her as close as he could and staying like that for what felt like forever.

“Can we start over?” He whispered against her lips in between the slow kisses making her smile, he had never been so glad to feel her smile against his lips.

“No, it’s not starting over it’s just, a new chapter, a better one.”

“I'm okay with that.” He agreed now pulling her onto his lap. She quickly replied, pulling his messy curls out of his face and holding his chin up so he was looking up at her, “Me too.”

_( Story ends here the rest is just SMUT)_

They could have taken things slow from there, gone on a nice date, slept together without actually sleeping together but Remus was still feeling all the urges that came with the full moon and Y/n felt the same exact same pull towards him. She was still sat on Remus’ lap as he kissed her harshly, it wasn't unknowing and slow it was more of an act of “I love you so much and I want to show you, I want to prove it to you” and Remus was desperate for her to understand that. He lifted her hips as he stood up off the couch, carrying her quickly to the bedroom, it wasn't often that they made it there.

He placed her down and crawled up her body, slowly but desperately taking her clothes off, every single piece, sometimes they stayed half dressed but this time he wanted all of her skin exposed to him. She did the same, taking off each of his layers, kissing every inch of his skin and he let her, he enjoyed it. Remus kept eye contact with her as he kissed down her chest to her stomach, down her thighs as he pushed them apart slowly.

He placed his lips against her folds, slowly licking up and then down, pushing one finger in, and then two, and then three until she was crumbling beneath him, wiggling out of his hold, not used to this much attention being put on her but loving it at the same time. He sucked, biting at the skin of her thighs and lifting her legs over his head and weighing her torso down with one arm placed along her lower stomach. This was heavenly, if she thought sex with Remus was good before then this was world shattering.

He repeated his actions, licking, kissing, pushing his fingers in at a steady but brutal pace until she was coming onto his fingertips, screaming his name like it was the only word she knew. He licked his fingers as he crawled back up to kiss her lips passionately, grinding down against her as he did, appeasing some of his own need. “I love you,” he moaned into her mouth, and she said it right back, staring into each other's eyes as he rutted against her. So visibly desperate for each other that they didn't wait too long before she slid a hand between them grabbing his cock and stroking it tightly before bringing it to her wet core. He pushed inside halfway before pulling out just to roughly go all the way back in with a hard thrust. She screamed, more of a pitchy yell than anything intelligible.

She wrapped her legs up and around his back, pulling him flush to her, so their chests were pressed together, only a layer of sweat between them. “I like having you close.” She mumbled against his lips as his eyebrows knitted together in concentration, focusing on the movement of his hips as she tried to just keep them as close as she could.

“I like being close to you,” he mumbled back, giggling a bit into her cheek that was pushed out from her wide smile as she giggled too. Laughter and love added to the pleasure, it made it so much better and enjoyable for them both, holding nothing back. She dug her fingers into the skin of his back letting him know she was close. “Rem.” She drawled out, moaning his shorter nickname but making it much longer.

“Mhm.” He mumbled in agreement as his pace quickened, hip bones clashing in the effort. In seconds he was releasing into her, she clenched around him helping him come to his finish as they both caught their breath, lazy smiles on their tired yet happy faces.

“I love you, she said again as she placed her hands on both of his cheeks bringing his face down for an onslaught of kisses.

“I love you.” He replied easily, knowingly and wholeheartedly. He rolled to his side but then pulled her close to him yet again, enjoying the after sex cuddles they had never before let themselves enjoy.

“I should probably pee.” She said as she lied on her back with her hands wrapped around one of his arms that was draped across her.

“We should probably shower.” He retorted.

“Or a bath, baths are nice.”

“Sounds good, then I can make you pancakes?”

She smiled trying not to cry at how happy she was in this moment, “I couldn't think of anything that would make me happier right now.”

“Than pancakes?” He asked with a bemused look on his face.

“No, you making me pancakes.” She admitted honestly, breaking into a fit of giggles as he picked her up and carried her to the bathroom.