#like no i just think hes fifteen and traumatized actually. that could be the problem here

[somerandomcockroach]

OKAY THIS MUST BE BLURR?? I think he was the one showing the road and helping people evacuate?? And I think he just sticks his head out and looks for people who need help to get out and save just like with Swindle

HELP yes this is Blurr. He blabberies a lot. MGRHFJROIFPROdo you bring your millions on a death operations? Please the image of the wealthy runaway kid buying and running his little bar at his fifteens

BLURR LIKES SWEET CONFIRMED PLEASE SPEED RACER FULL ON SUGAR WHEEEEZEEE ....A week ago... they don't even have an access to dates?.. WHEEEEEEEZEEEEE OKAY NUMBERS WOULD HAVE LOOKED FUNNY IF HE ACTUALLY HAD A BDAY TODAY

I TAKE ALL MY WORDS BACK IT'S NOT HIS. HE DRINKS IN SOMEONE'S BAR AHAHSHAGHSAG *breathes in and out* Short Swindle sitting on a long bar chair when his toes can't even reach the floor with his elbow and head on the table in the underground bar that still works while the rumble is above and Blurr staring up. I love it.... HERE IT STARTS. IT WAS THE PROBLEM RIGHT FROM THE 11TH MECHAS. THEY ARE NOT SEEN. JUST BIG ROBOTS. OH. DEBTS. MMMM. LOVE DESPERATION BECAUSE OF BEDTS. Can I joke about debt trauma making Swindle desperate of money? A smiling man came in your life and suggested money. His sensei. Imagine a teen coming across a real pilot. First impressions showing that they can easily die and their mecha's life saving systems suck. And then hearing "I had to do it for the people". Not sure if Blurr could read it as a "leave me be" answer, but it might be a good push for a teen's mind *BEATS THE TABLE* *BEATS THE TABLE MORE AGGRESSIVELY* TRAUMATIZED PEOPLE WHO CAN FINALLY REST FOR A LITTLE BIT IN A RANDOM PLACE WITH RANDOM PEOPLE

VORTEX LAUGHS LIKE HYENA. PLEASE SOMEONE MAKE HIS POSSESSED MECHA LAUGH I WANNA HEAR THE CRACKED MACHINE WHEEEZEEING

GHFDHEGWEHRG I can't decide if Vortex is so yuky that you don't want to strangle him with your own hands or Blast Off is too smart to leave the trace of his hands on his neck HFHGEGFHEGHSG

CAN I. MY BRAIN DECIDED THAT BLURR WAVES HELLO IN A ROUNDED FAST MOVEMENTS This time he brought money but better be safe, come on, make your mood by learning it's free .................Okay I was just laughing at it but I think they are fed like animals in the program and he does shovel good food to share man.... ............man...... I am melting at how their relationship slowly changes over years... Also walking orchestra. Yes. WHEEEEEEEEEEEZEEEEE VORTEX I LOVE YOU IN THE MOST STRANGEST WAYS Was Swindle promoted to the work in lab? Or overall their group was promoted to something that freed them from rough experiments?.. .............I wonder if you have in mind exact bot for the boss position with this smile.... I kind of think of bots with mnemo surgery And Shockwave went through something too..... IMAGINE. IMAGINE EVEN IF CRAZY AND HARD TO HANDLE WARRIOR. DOESN'T COME BACK ON E DAY BECAUSE OF MONSTERS HE USED TO KILL DAILY. Have to take care of every of them... Brawl's safety and their own. Not like with such answer they can get something out of any of them .......okay that's why I usually don't read stuff on pc on tumblr it turns into this disaster...... THEY DID IT. I KNOW IT WAS CUT OFF SHORT BUT THE IMAGE OF THEM ALL VIOLATING. TURNING EVERYTHING UPSIDE DOWN AND MAKING THEIR PLANS TRUE. YESSSS. PROMOTION TO "I'M BUYING". THE DAY HE CAN DO IT. MAN. HE HAS POSSIBLE CANDIDATE HE HAS AND I DON'T EVEN WANT TO TELL HIM TO RUN BECAUSE THIS IS LITERALLY THE ONLY PERSON WHO FITS FOR EVERYTHING AND ACTUALLY WILLING TO HELP OKAY BYYYEE OH GOD HAGSHAG DAMN GOD *THROWS UP HANDS*

Chapter 3 of Blurr’s storyline in Mecha AU!

Previous chapter

“Speaking of Mechs.” continues Blurr, ”That thing's evacuation system sucks. What if you were stunned by the fall? What if something short-circuits and starts a fire???”

Swindle just clenches the glass in his hands. Feels the cold moisture of condensation dripping down onto his fingers.

“Then I'd burn.” he doesn't say

Under the cut⤵️

——————————————————

It's Swindle's birthday.

He thinks it is.

He's pretty sure.

Since he was taken into the program, it's always hard to tell. It's like time flows differently here. He had a calendar, but Brawl put it somewhere a while ago and then forgot where it was. And they're not allowed to have phones yet. Though Swindle assumes Onslaught managed to steal one from someone anyway.

Shit. Where's the calendar?

Swindle remembers the date, but can't remember the month.

There's a strange static tingling sensation in the back of his head. If he turns his head too fast, it'll grow into an unpleasant pricking pain.

The last time in the lab was disgusting.

He can't remember what month it is. He's not even sure why it bothers him so much. Not that birthdays mean anything within the walls of the program.

He stops in the middle of the living room and looks around with a meticulous eye. He's already checked the beds, desk, and nightstands...hah.

“Hey have any of you seen my calendar?”

Vortex, sitting on top of the bunk bed shakes the ash off his cigarette right down into Blast Off's lap.

“Nope.”

“TEX YOU'RE LITTERING ON MY BED.”

“I could have ..torn it up” offers Brawl from across the room.

Swindle turns on his heels and angrily rests his arms at his sides.

“You tore it?”

“I might have,” Brawl scratches the back of his head.

Swindle pinches the bridge of his nose

That's fine. Not that he cares that much. Not that any celebration at all would save the crappy day.

He has some new “experimental” medical procedure scheduled for later, which generally means suffering. Or if he's lucky, some critter will attack the city and instead of squirming on the slab, he'll have to go cuddle with huge nasty beasts. Which is slightly better than the actual procedures. He'd like that to happen. If only his head would also stop buzzing....

“Happy birthday to me” Swindle thinks, sticking his Mech hand under the plates of a particularly ugly monster and pulling something disgustingly oozing green blood out of there. He can see the faces of the random gawkers who didn't have time to evacuate. Ooh, some of them got that nasty stuff on their faces. Swindle has no time to feel sorry for them.

The monster did attack, but it's entirely possible that this monster ended the last meager supply of luck Swindle had. Because somewhere. Something. In his head begins to hurt again and the world in front of his eyes begins to slowly blur and..

ahh FUCK….

The monster grabs him knocks him to the ground and Swindle can literally feel in his bones that something's wrong, but the data from his Mech doesn't give him any useful information. Which isn't that uncommon. These things are glitchy as hell and aren't designed to recognize anything but the most basic popular malfunctions.

The word “error” shines mockingly in his face. Blurring in his eyes and reflecting in red on his uniform.

Error, error, what the hell is this error. He needs to know what's wrong so he doesn't accidentally kill himself, but all this bucket offers him is oops. You're in trouble teeheee~

He can hear the sound of Blast Off's giant cannon in the distance. And the loud rumble where Vortex and Onslaught are trying to get out of the ring of monsters.

His Mech is unresponsive. His damn machine refuses to move and Swindle isn't quite sure if it's the Mech that's the problem, because his head feels like a piece of raw rotten meat and maybe the error meant that what's broken is him.

The monster leans over him, trying to rip off whatever it can rip off and thank god this thing apparently isn't smart enough to realize that the Mech is controlled from the head because it's aiming straight for his chest.

He needs to get out. If he can't get this thing to move, he needs to get the fuck out of it before the alien gets him.

He manages to open the emergency hatch and quietly slip out and ohhhh the world is spinning, this is not bloody good.

He manages to take a few steps before a loud B A N G comes from somewhere above and IS THAT A TRAIN???? Who in their right mind would think of using a fucking train as a throwing weapon???? Is that Brawl? It's got to be Brawl. Oh, Swindle is so gonna kill him.

Because (sadly) in addition to the monster, the train and Swindle, there's also physics involved in this circus.

So while the monster is effectively brought to rest and knocked sideways with a hole in it’s head, the train stops its forward motion and starts its downward motion.

Right onto Swindle's head.

He just has time to think that dying from a train falling out of the sky is a pretty creative death. His legs are shaking, his head is buzzing and he only manages to take half a sluggish step in an attempt to avoid the inevitable when a loud “MOVE” comes to his ears and something yanks him to the side.

The tug sends fire down his spine and head. The ensuing landing reverberates with pain in his shoulder and sides. He barely has time to process the first two sensations until a moment later he hears a rumble so deafening that he thinks his eardrums are about to burst.

Swindle props himself up on his elbows and hisses in pain as the movement causes the back of his head to sting.

“Ah I'll fuckin' kill him...”

A voice comes above him

“Ouw dude. You okay?”

There's.. Some teenager hovering over him. And behind him is lying...the wrecked train...right where Swindle himself was standing a second ago.

The strange teen frowns worriedly and pulls Swindle upright and drags him somewhere else

“Come on, it's best not to be in the open during monster attacks”

“Ah” thinks Swindle ”right. Without Mech you're a pathetic tiny piece of chop begging to be stomped on by Brawl.”

He tries to focus on balance so he doesn't hang too much on this kid.

They find the nearest unlocked door, which turns out to be the entrance to an underground bar.

“So” says the stranger, letting go of Swindle and shaking the dust off his hair ” You're a pilot! That's so cool, but you're kinda small for a pilot.”

Swindle sighs sullenly.

“I'll let you have that one comment about my height because you helped me, but next time you're dead.”

“Helped? I saved your ass.”

“Helped a lot” says Swindle grudgingly. “Thanks.”

The teen laughs and climbs into the bar. It's a mess everywhere, people clearly evacuated in a hurry and threw everything in haste.

“What's your name? Oh, or, wait. Do you guys use code names? I've heard pilots call each other by call signs, but half the time those call signs sound so dumb, I don't see how they can respond to that.”

He waits for the kid to cut off his flow of words to take a breath. Man, what a chatty boy.

“You can call me Swindle.”

“Kay” the kid pulls out a couple glasses ”I'm Blurr. Would you like something Swindle? I don't mean to brag, but I'm pretty good at mixing cocktails.”

Swindle looks around the room suspiciously. The bar, even though it's underground, looks pretty good. Too good, in fact. The place is clearly not for the poor.

He walks over to the bar and climbs onto a bar stool. There's no one else in here but them, but the electricity is on so he doesn't doubt for a second that they're being filmed by a security camera right now. Maybe a few even.

Blurr throws him an expectant look.

Swindle pretends to go through his pockets. As if there could be money in them out of nowhere. Then he makes a comically confused face and spreads his hands.

“Oh, no, I think I left my millions at home. What's the cheapest thing you have?”

Blurr snorts.

“Ice is free.”

“I'll take the ice then” nods Swindle.

There is a loud rumbling sound above them. It must be Vortex having fun again bouncing on the aliens that have fallen to the ground, crushing their heads.

Swindle is just. He takes off his helmet, takes a glass of ice and presses it to his head enjoying the way the nasty buzzing recedes.

Blurr waits for the rumbling to recede before speaking again.

“But really. You're a pilot but...uh. Are you even old enough to drink?”

Swindle sends him his best grumpy look. It's not exactly a joke about his height, but it's damn close.

“Are you old enough to pour?”

“Sure,” says Blurr too fast for it to be true. If Swindle had to guess, he'd say the guy in front of him is no older than seventeen. The tattered jeans and the T-shirt with the F1 logo printed on it definitely don't help. And, hey, those headphones look very expensive. So do the sneakers. Kid's clearly from a wealthy family.

Blurr pulls out a bottle of syrup from somewhere and pours it straight into his mouth. Doesn't miss, which is amusing. Doesn't wince, which is frankly impressive. Swindle feels the unbearable sweetness just looking at him.

It suddenly hits him

“Hey, do you have a phone?”

“Sure,” Blurr pours himself more syrup. Swindle twitches.

“What's the day today?”

Blurr's mouth is full of an unimaginable amount of sugar, so he just pulls out his phone and turns its screen toward Swindle and oh...oh. He was wrong about the date. And the month, too. It's not his birthday. His birthday was a week ago...

Does that mean he must be nineteen now? Yeah, that makes him nineteen.

Blurr takes the phone back and slips it into his pocket.

“Your face looks funny.”

“I just realized it's my birthday today,” smiles Swindle.

“Oooooooohh~~~�� rejoices Blurr ”Congratulations! It's kind of poetic that you almost died just today. Can you imagine how funny the numbers on your tombstone would have looked.”

Swindle chokes on air.

“That's certainly a very appropriate comment, thank you...”

“Sorry haha said without thinking.” Blurr reaches under the counter again and pulls out a bottle from there “Hey, they have more syrups!”

There's another loud rumble from upstairs.

Blurr presses his head into his shoulders and stares up at the ceiling as if hoping to see something through it.

Swindle puts his elbows and head on the tabletop

“Don't worry, it's just Brawl.”

Blurr doesn't take his eyes off the ceiling

“ You can tell that by the sound of falling concrete?”

Swindle lazily dangles his feet. The chair is high and even the toes of his shoes don't reach the floor.

“Brawl is the loudest. And the heaviest, too. He's always crashing into everything, throwing things and breaking things too. You can hear him a mile away.”

He pauses to listen

“And that kch-ooooooooomm is Blast Off's cannon. It's some super rare experimentally advanced one, so it sounds like something out of a space movie. He couldn't stop bragging about it for half a year when he got it.”

Blurr chuckles and leans his elbows on the counter, relaxing.

“ And this...uh...what's this?”

“That's Vortex, he's our local lunatic. Best not to listen too much to what he does, it's almost always disgusting in ways you would never even consider.”

Blurr makes a disgruntled face and is silent for a couple minutes.

“It's weird hearing you call them by their names. I mean, I kind of always knew Mechs were run by people but you guys are never seen, so most of the time it's just.. Huge robots and huge monsters. You know what I mean. I was actually surprised when I saw you get out of that Mech.”

Swindle just nods. Because, what else is there to add.

“Speaking of Mechs.” continues Blurr, ”That thing's evacuation system sucks. What if you were stunned by the fall? What if something short-circuits and starts a fire???”.

Swindle just clenches the glass in his hands. Feels the cold moisture of condensation dripping down onto his fingers

“Then I'd burn.” he doesn't say

Blurr doesn't seem to notice his glum mood

“Oh, hey. If it's no secret, why did you go into piloting in the first place?”

Because he had no choice? He can't answer that, that information isn't for civilians.

Because he didn't know what he was getting into until it was too late? That's not vague enough either.

Because he was up to his neck in debt and barely into college before a smiling man showed up on his doorstep and offered him good money if he agreed to a couple tests...?

“I had to do it for the people.” Swindle decides to repeat a line of propaganda.

“Ohhhh.... That's...a good reason. The monsters are disgusting, of course. But the reason is cool.”

Swindle just. Holds his glass of melting ice, listens to Blurr's mutterings, and enjoys the peace. This random teenager is not his superior or colleague and has nothing to do with the organization at all. Swindle doesn't have to remember to salute or follow orders or fear being reported to his superiors.

He can just. Be.

Just him and his free ice and his saved for free life.

That's. Sweet.

Blurr's drinking syrup again.

...and a little disgusting.

—————————-

Brawl jumps out of bed, hits his head on a shelf hanging on the wall and drops everything on it onto Blast Off's head

“Swindle!!!” yells Brawl.

“Why are these books sticky???” shrieks Blast Off.

“You don't wanna know~” giggles Vortex.

Swindle sighs.

���You're alive!!!” ignores Blast Off Brawl's complaints. And a second later runs up and pulls Swindle off the floor in a crushing bear hug.

Behind them, Blast Off, with his face wrinkled in disgust, gathers all the dropped books back onto the shelf.

Swindle wheezes pathetically and slaps Brawl's arm with his palm, either to reciprocate the gesture or to beg for mercy

“Br...khaaaaah...Brawl I can't breathh.”

“OH. I'm uh. Here. Wait.”

Brawl puts him back on the floor and runs back to the shelf.

Onslaught, who has peeked into the room, puts a hand on Swindle's shoulder

“You've been gone a long time. Boss said you tried to escape.”

His tone isn't judgmental. And not pressuring. Not even questioning, but Swindle knows Onslaught wants more information. Swindle clutches a piece of napkin with a phone number in his pocket and smiles weakly.

“I've found a...friend? I think?”

Onslaught nods. In a manner that only he knows how to do. Not giving an opinion, not encouraging or condemning. Just taking in the information. Swindle admires him for that.

Behind them, Brawl pulls some piece of paper out from under the books that have just been put away and drops them again

“FUCK!” yells Blast Off. Vortex just starts hooting like a hyena.

“Hey Swindle I found the calendar!” yells Brawl waving the paper.

Swindle frowns in surprise.

“It's a different calendar...”

“I found you a new one.” nods Brawl.

“...Why...is it...it's torn in half?”

“It had stupid flowers drawn on it, so I ripped them off. And I accidentally ripped off more than I needed.”

“Ah,” says Swindle, clutching the calendar, ”That's...Thanks. I forgive you for losing the previous one.”

Behind them, Blast Off is trying to strangle Vortex with a jacket.

------------

Blurr waves his arms happily like a hyperactive windmill.

“Swindle!!!”

Swindle smiles and adjusts his glasses

“Your party can be seen from across city.”

“I know~~” primps Blurr “Are you hungry? There was a snack table around here somewhere.”

“I didn't bring any money.” lies Swindle.

“Hey man, it's a party. Help yourself, it's free.”

“Оh.” Swindle's mood instantly brightens. “All right, then.”

“You look terrible” Blurr decides to share.

Swindle, busy shoveling food into his pockets, nods.

“I've had a rough week. Actually, it'd be cool if you didn't tell anyone you saw me here. I'm kind of not supposed to be here.”

He doesn't elaborate.

Blurr is a civilian. In his mind, a rough week is rude people or an exam or bad weather. Swindle's bad week is strap marks on his wrists and double vision. It's nausea from injections and sleepless nights because Vortex won't stop screaming in his sleep.

Blurr doesn't know that. With him, Swindle can pretend to be somewhat normal.

-----------

“Heeeeey“ says Blurr ‘I haven't seen you in a long time~"

“That” thinks Swindle ”is a pretty standard phrase for both of them.

Blurr looks older. Taller too. He was taller than Swindle before, but now that difference is starting to look almost comical. He's also flaunting a cast on his arm.

“Did you get hurt?”

“Didn't make a turn at training” waves Blurr off “It's no big deal. Wanna go find something to eat?”

Blurr is always trying to feed him, Swindle notices over time. Offers him drinks or snacks or whatever.

“ I like your uh..cap?”

“I got a promotion” Swindle smiles proudly “Me and the guys were made a special group...actually you're not allowed to know more than that, so you'll have to take my word for it when I say we are officially cool.”

He purposely adjusts his cap by the brim so Blurr can get a good look at it.

Blurr makes a delighted sound. Something between a “wow” and a giggle. He generally makes a lot of sounds all the time. Tapping his fingers on every hard surface, stomping in place like he's always late for something, laughing, whistling, clicking his tongue. A human orchestra.

__________

Onslaught sits down next to Swindle and clutches his hands in his lap in front of him. This makes the bed legs squeak pitifully. Onslaught has grown surprisingly large. He can almost rival Brawl in height already. Most people find that intimidating, but Swindle just thinks Onslaught is like a wall. A big, solid concrete wall that's so good to hide behind.

“Be careful with what you tell this guy.”

“Don't worry” says Swindle ”He's not the type of friend you tell secrets to. He's just a fun dude who's great to hang out with.”

Onslaught hums.

“And who feeds you for free.”

“If that's how you're trying to ask me to share, you're not doing a very good job.”

Vortex snaps his fingers as he walks past them

“Hey Swindler, the lab is closed for today. It's your day off.”

“Wha...”

Onslaught tilts his head.

“Vortex. What did you do?”

“I spat in their dna sample vault” proudly proclaims Vortex “and didn't tell them exactly where.”

-----———————-

Blurr frowns.

“Hey...are you okay?”

“No” thinks Swindle.

“My friend died” he says instead.

He's not okay. He feels like an animal caught in a beartrap, trying to chew off its own paw to get free.

Except the trap is closed around Swindle's head and it's not a body part he can afford to lose.

There's been a lot of talk. Even more rumors. Swindle listened but tried not to believe.

And then one of pilots, Shockwave… was taken to the lab and brought back a different damn man and it felt like Swindle had the rug pulled out from under his feet with hot coals underneath.

Because Swindle's boss, with his stupid, rehearsed smile, started writing reports about how “human personality flaws are something that can be fixed. That challenging behavior is something that can be repaired with tools.

Blurr freezes.

“Who?”

“Vortex.”

Because of course it's Vortex. Talented but difficult to handle. Powerful but uncontrollable.

They wanted a pilot who would be a beast on the battlefield and a loyal dog on base. And who else would be a more ideal test subject than him?

Vortex was being very rude that day, even by Vortex standards. Yelling and swearing and throwing things around. Kept saying that no shitty lab could make him “a fucking puppet.”

Scratching the stitches on his head until he started leaving a trail of blood behind him.

He went on a mission.

And never came back.

The reports said it was all the monsters' fault. That Vortex was unstable. That the accident had nothing to do with the new technology. But it was nevertheless suspended.

Swindle is both bitter and amused by this. Vortex would eat the same monsters for breakfast any other day. The bastard was unkillable.

“Oh my god” says Blurr “I'm so sorry to hear that.”

He says something else. Probably comforting. About how Vortex died protecting people, maybe. About Vortex being a hero.

“Vortex,” thinks Swindle, ”loved life. He loved adrenaline and danger and pain and thrill and fear, but he never wanted to die. They did something to him. Something that made him go over the edge.”

Vortex got his head in the trap and ripped it off to escape it.

Swindle knows him and the others are next. And knows that no one but themselves can help them.

---------------------------

Blast Off seems...very quiet. He could never stop complaining about Vortex before. Yelling about the garbage. Resenting the unmade bed and the cigarette ashes.

Vortex's bed remains unmade.

Blast Off regularly cleans everything up, but never wipes away the little circles of ash from the places where Vortex used to put out cigarettes on the furniture.

Onslaught puts his hand on Swindle's shoulder and squeezes. Not hard. Just enough for Swindle to register the gesture as important.

Standing nearby, Blast Off lights a cigarette and leans on Onslaught.

“Ons told me about your plan. I want to join in.”

“What kind of plan? Can I get involved?” inquires Brawl.

Onslaught sighs.

“Repeat after me - I don't know, they don't tell me anything.”

“I don't know, they don't tell me anything.”

“Good job” nods Onslaught “From now on, every time they ask you any - listen. Any! Question about us, you will answer them with this phrase.”

“Got it,” grins Brawl.

Swindle smiles.

“Gentlemen, it's time to violate all that is written, and rewrite all that is violated.”

__________________

Blurr lazily takes his eyes off the phone. He's wearing a racing suit and tons of hairspray. He's shiny and gleaming like a fine collectible figurine that should be on the shelf of an expensive exhibit. He's also bored.

“Sorry buddy, the interview is long over, if you have any questions you'll have to pay for the session.”

Swindle smiles.

“How about one tiny little question?”

Blurr makes funny big eyes.

“SWINDLE!!! I haven't seen you in a thousand years! You...oh I didn't recognize you haha sorry. Nice coat. You quit being a pilot?”

Swindle proudly adjusts his glasses. He's wearing a brand-new, ironed shirt that's exactly his size. Nice neat tie, expensive coat. Swindle isn't surprised Blurr didn't recognize him immediately. Sometimes he looks in the mirror and doesn't recognize himself. After all those years of wearing the pilot's uniform, he felt almost attached to it. And yet here he is.

“You could say I moved.” he winks snarkily, “Up. All the Mechs you see on the streets now are my Mechs~”

Blurr completely forgets about his phone.

“REALLY?? Oh man congrats to you!”

“Thanks” nods Swindle ”You want something to drink? I'm buying.”

———————-

Onslaught adjusts his tie. It's still, years later, a little strange to see him in a uniform instead of a pilot's suit.

“You do realize it's going to be hard to find a person like that, right? We need someone famous enough to be effective and dumb enough to want to save mankind instead of sunbathing on a yacht.”

Swindle adjusts his glasses and leans back in his chair.

Someone outgoing so they can quickly befriend all the right people. Handsome enough to have their face printed on a poster. Smart just enough not to say too much. And not associated with Mecha program so they can't be accused of trying to get promoted through their acquaintances.

Someone who already has everything but still willing to put themselves at risk for the cause.

“You know, I think I have a possible candidate.”

[anachronistic-falsehood]

"i just feel so angry all the time" listen harry i genuinely can't remember if that's bc of some kind of mind control but i'm ninety-nine percent sure that can be explained by the fact that u r fifteen and have recently watched one of your friends die and ur school which is ur only safe place is falling apart around u and the man who killed your parents is still alive and kicking and u are being actively neglected by one of your most important mentor figures. honestly

[creadigol]

Hello i just recently found this blog and i'm in love with your writing.

Can you please continue the hero x villain story with the criminal please?

I am so sorry for the long wait…but here it finally is! Thank you so much for the ask! I hope y’all like part 2! 

*Warning for slight flashbacks of a traumatic event, but nothing bad.

Part One here.

“Once again Detective, I have no answers to your questions, I have no clue where they are, and if you don’t leave my property within the next thirty seconds I claim the right to shoot you for trespassing.” 

 Hero heard the voice below them speak with little attempt at patience. Their eyes were heavy and their body felt like lead, but their ears seemed to awaken with no problem. Why would Villain be threatening to shoot Detective? Hero had thought the two tended to keep out of each other’s way. Wait, why was Hero asleep in the same vicinity as Villain in the first place? 

“I know you have them! All accounts place you following Hero into the house! Dammit Villain! What happened?” 

God, Hero had never heard Detective so worked up before. The man was usually made of stone, even in the face of absolute evil. Hell, Hero once saw the man play a game of russian roulette with a mob boss and win through sheer intimidation. How had Villain got him so worked up? Of course they were enemies, being on opposite sides of a moral code tended to do that…but they had never been outright hostile to each other. 

“Fifteen…sixteen…seventeen…” Villain counted. Hero could just picture them casually looking at their watch while unholstering a weapon. 

“Fine!” Screamed Detective. “But don’t think I won’t be back! I’ll not rest until Hero is found!” 

Hero heard the stomping of boot heels on the walk. 

“Then maybe you shouldn’t have lost them in the first place!” Villain yelled back. 

“Fuck you!” 

Hero fought to open their eyes. They moved their fingers and toes, feeling like they were some kind of mummy awakening after centuries of death. 

What was Detective talking about? Hero was right here. They had just finished up another case for them when…

The memory flashed before their eyes…the Criminal…the knife…that goddamn smile as Hero bled onto the kitchen floor…the fear…Villain!

No amount of lead in their veins could keep them down at the thought. Hero shot out of the plush bed with speed their body was not ready for. 

The window to their right was open, that must be how they heard the conversation at the front door, and Hero stumbled towards it. It took a moment, as their foot got caught in the exceptionally soft bedspread, but they made it. 

Hero stood to the side, not wanting anyone outside to see them in such a state of weakness…nor did they want Detective to see them…and looked out. Sure enough, this was Villains street…at least this was the street of their safe house. Hero had found it six months ago while following Villain after a deal gone wrong. They had just wanted to make sure Villain wasn’t too beat up…they ended up staying all night wrapping the Villains wounds. 

Hero assumed Villain would have changed houses after that. Guess not. 

Hero watched as Detective stomped angrily to his silver sedan. Now how had Detective found the safe house? And why did he not just raid the place? Why put up with Villain’s taunts if he knew Hero was here? 

Hero took stock of the room. It was a nice bedroom, rather typical. Blue walls and a matching white and blue quilt. There was a small dresser, night stand and desk that looked like they were bought together at the local Big Lots. Nothing expensive, like how Villain usually liked. Nothing gleaming of elegance or gilding. Nothing special…but comfortable. Actually really comfortable. And kind of cute. 

Nothing at all like Villain. 

A shuffling outside the bedroom door made Hero stiffen. The door opened revealing Villain, still muttering to themselves about ‘nosy, pain in the ass detectives’. Hero stayed frozen by the window. 

Villain was carrying a tray with a sup and bowl on it, something steaming from the bowl when they glanced at the bed and saw it was empty. 

“Shit!” They swung around frantically, somehow not spilling anything, and immediately laid eyes on Hero. 

“Hero!” Villain gasped. They placed the tray on the nightstand as the tension in their shoulders released. “What in the hell are you doing up? Do you have any idea wha…”

“Where am I?” Hero interrupted them. Villain froze. “What the hell is going on?” 

Villain’s eyebrows scrunched. “Hero…” They started. “Do you remember what happened? I mean, I understand if not…” 

“Of course I remember,” Hero snapped. “But that does not explain why I’m in your safe house or why Detective was here.” 

“Fuck. I knew his voice carried,” muttered Villain. They looked at Hero, seeming to take in their appearance, which Hero felt was probably not great. “You were stabbed Hero. It was bad…really bad. I had to heal you, but…” Villain gestured vaguely. 

“You redirected my body’s energy to heal the wound,” Hero finished. That’s why they were sleeping. That’s why they had no energy to spare. 

“You should still be out,” Villain said as they walked forward. “I estimated at least another week, if not more. Had planned on Doctor giving you an IV tonight.” 

Hero looked down at themselves and took stock of their appearance. Their hair was down, though that had happened during their scuffle with Criminal, and their arms were bruised. Finger prints littered their wrists and elbows. They lifted the front of their t-shirt and glanced at their stomach. Only a slight discoloration showed any sign of the life threatening injury they had received. 

“How long was I out?” 

“Four days. Detective’s been following me incessantly after they couldn’t find you in that damn house.” 

Villain had walked to only an arm's length away. Seeming reluctant to come any closer, yet holding themselves as if to reach out. 

“Followed you here I see,” Hero said. They traced their fingers over the discoloration on their stomach. 

“Unfortunately.” 

Hero let the shirt fall back down and only then comprehended their attire.

“Did you dress me in your pajamas?” Hero asked incredulously. 

Villain laughed, “Well your clothes were ruined and there wasn’t much else here.”

“You didn’t…” Hero gave them a look that promised quick vengeance should they hear the wrong answer to their question. 

“I was perfectly professional, I assure you. Nothing but doctoring on my part.” Villain clapped them on the shoulder. “You should get back to bed though. You still need time to recover.” 

Hero was feeling faint standing, so they agreed and got back into the bed. They got situated under the covers, but sat up by the headboard. Villain stood hovering for a moment before stepping back.

“Why did Detective need to follow you? Why not just tell him I’m here?” Hero eyed Villain as they fiddled with the covered steaming bowl, “Not like saving my life is very illegal. Unless you..you know.” 

Hero didn’t finish as they thought about Villain’s words to them before they passed out. 

Best not to look to your right though…you have too fair a disposition to look at Criminal now.

“Criminal’s alive,” Villain spoke as if reading their mind. “Did my best, but the bastard lived.” 

Hero felt their insides freeze. 

You really are perfect aren't you?

Let’s not prolong this dear. 

“They’re secured in the hospital ward of the prison.” Villain sat down on the edge of the bed and placed their hand over Hero’s pale one. “You got enough for the case while you were undercover. Better than a confession.” 

Villain made eye contact, “They’re never getting out Hero. And if they did, I would finish the job.” 

Hero smiled softly. “I have no doubt you would finish the job now if I asked.” 

Villain chuckled, “Wouldn’t be the worst job I ever took.” 

“But why Detective?” Asked Hero. 

“But why Detective what?” Villain said. They patted Hero’s hand and got up to go back to the tray once more. 

“Why lie about saving me?” 

Villain took the top off the bowl and Hero saw that it contained hot water and a white cloth. 

“Should have known you’d have heard that. Damn hearing.” 

“Why?” Hero pressed. 

Villain handed them a hair tie. “Because I don’t trust him. Or at least I don’t trust who he works for.” 

Hero pulled their hair into a bun. “Why?”

Villain swirled the cloth through the water a couple of times. Hero could smell what they assumed were salts or oils mixed in. 

“They never should have called you in,” Villain spoke.

Hero reached out for the cloth, “They call me in all the time.” 

The cloth stayed in Villain’s hand, submerged in water. “They don’t for the petty stuff.” 

“Well this wasn’t exactly petty. Criminal was the killer we’ve been looking for.” 

“Exactly!” The water sloshed with Villain’s outburst. “All the victims look like you. All the Criminal’s ‘types’ look like you. Every outfit, hair style, and mannerism was just like you. Criminal’s had an obsession for a while Hero and those bastards banked on it.” 

Hero faltered. 

“You’re saying they tricked me to get them?” 

“I’m saying something’s going on and until we figure it out you’re not safe to go back.” 

Hero went silent for a few moments.

“Damn.” They finally whispered.

Villain handed them the warm cloth. “Yeah…damn.” 

The scent infused water felt heavenly on Hero’s neck and face. They wondered if this was how Villain kept them clean while they slept. 

“So what do we do?” 

“You,” Villain pointed, “rest. At least for the next couple of days.”

“And you?” Hero handed the cloth back. 

“I’m going to pay the good Commissioner a little visit this week.” 

[takerfoxx]

Okay, about halfway through my Evangelion rewatch, and I swear to God this show has taken over my life. Like, even though I've seen it before and recently watched the Rebuild films, it's just clicked with me in a way that hasn't happened in a very long time, and I am loving it.

Anyway.

One thing that I noticed is that while the show gets off on a very depressing note that shines a spotlight on Shinji's problems, from the agony he experiences while piloting the Eva to his crippling depression and everything, once he makes the decision to stay, the tone shifts. Like, all those issues don't really go away fully, but for a little bit, the show gets a lot more lighthearted, becoming almost a traditional giant robots fighting aliens-type show. Shinji's mental health improves exponentially, he forms several healthy relationships, he actually does rather well as a pilot, and things seem to be on the upswing for him.

And then Asuka shows up and...actually, things sort of get better?

Okay, let me explain. The first time I watched this show like fifteen years ago, I couldn't stand Asuka. I thought that she was an entitled, insecure brat, and her treatment of Shinji and Rei was totally uncalled for. However, now that I've experienced this story in both of its entireties, processed all the characters and the complexities of their portrayals, and experienced various interpretations of them through various fanfics, doujins, spin-offs, etc., revisiting the original Asuka that spawned all of these reactions is...honestly, it's not nearly as bad as I remember. Yeah, she's still an insecure brat, but I get it now. And her beef with Shinji and Rei comes from her literally being groomed to be the best Eva pilot imaginable while being traumatized by her mother's suicide, leading her to see the other two pilots as both a threat to her position as well as disappointments for not living up to her standards, hence her hostile treatment of them. Even still, we see that facade crack and she does display moments of genuine kindness and comradery with them.

Also, later events have caused people to view Shinji as something of the most extreme of doormats, but for now, he actually isn't? Like, okay, he's still kind of a pushover, but he does get frustrated, he does push back against Asuka, he does snap and start arguing. At the same time, you can also seem them trying to connect in their highly damaged, kind of awkward ways. It's not working, but you see the attempt, and overall, their dynamic does get played more for laughs and slapstick, at least in the early stages.

Of course, all of that goes out the window later on when everyone gets SOOOO much worse, but for now, it's nice to see these kids' relationship in it's healthiest stage. That scene where they all sit on the hill watching the stars together was honestly adorable, as well as Asuka deliberately eschewing a fancy steak dinner in favor of a trip to a ramen shack so Rei could participate.

As for me being ride or die for a poly ending for this trio, was it at all changed by revisiting the source material? Haha, NOPE! If anything, it was strengthened, given that all three have their unique dynamics with each other instead of the tired cliche of two people fighting over a third and it's all like, "Oh, who will they choose?" Y'ALL HAVE TWO HANDS APIECE!

Though on a more deeply personal side, I think that's why I've had Evangelion infest my mind like it has as of late. I just sort of relate to Shinji, Rei, and Asuka a whole bunch and see aspects of myself in all three, and I just kind of want them to be happy together, but, in this timeline at least, I know that that's not meant to be.

Speaking of complicated characters, Touji and Kensuke certainly are that, because on the one hand, they are kind of best boys in how ride or die they are for Shinji, basically becoming the close friends that he definitely needed and going out of their way to check in on him and support him and stick up for him.

On the other hand, they are also selling creep shots of Asuka and their other female classmates. Like, okay, 90's Japan culture and how that gets played for laughs back then, I get it. Still, not cool, guys. But I guess it just goes with the theme of how these are all messy individuals kind of stumbling their way through their messy lives, and everyone has their good and bad qualities.

Another observations. The virus takeover episode was one of the series' finest, as the whole bottle episode thing where the adults have to solve a unique problem while the pilots were otherwise out of the picture made for a great change of pace and was tense as hell. The dancing episode is a fan favorite for a reason and must've made the AsuShin ship explode early on.

Also, I know that we're supposed to hate the JSSDF because their rep was kind of a jerk to Misato and put down NERV and all (plus the later massacre in the movie), but to be honest, now knowing what we know about NERV and the Evangelions, he was kind of right in everything he was criticizing them about? And the fact that Jet Alone was deliberately sabotaged by NERV in a sort of petty dick-waving contest only puts them in a worse light. Honestly, if the two organizations had actually behaved like adults and cooperated, things might've gone so much better.

But then again, Gendo's got to Gendo, what with SEELE and their whole agenda and everything.

And on a more critical side!

Okay, I've said my piece about all of the weird creep shots in the Rebuild movies and how distracting and, well, uncomfortable they were. Like, okay, I know this whole series is low-key horny, and using Misato for some cheesecake shots, that's fine. But, like I said about Toji and Kensuke's creepy photo business...yeah. It's not as bad as it was in the Rebuild movies, which really took things way over the top, but it's still there.

And honestly, some of it you can get away with. Like, I don't have an issue with the scene between Shinji and Rei in the apartment, or Shinji ogling the girls in their swimsuits, or overhearing Asuka and Misato in the hotspring and having a reaction, because he's a repressed kid full of hormones in a very stressful situation. It makes sense that he would be like that. Same with Asuka's flirty side and how she hangs off of Kaji in a very inappropriate manner. Or Rei's lack of inhibitions. All of these make sense for their characters. I don't even have a problem with how Misato teases Shinji, because she's portrayed as somewhat of an emotionally stunted womanchild.

But when it's not from his or anyone else's point of view and you're just showing fanservice shots of your explicitly underaged characters, it gets kind of, well...

Okay, the point I'm making is...was there like a specific reason for the nude sync test? At all? Did it serve the plot in any way? Yeah, you need them in the plugs to get them out of the way so that the grown-ups could have an episode, but c'mon. Was it really necessary other than to get shots of them naked in their cockpits? Even from a character standpoint, I think Asuka at the very least would have protested more!

I dunno, I know it's a rampant problem in anime and always has been and you kind of need some level of tolerance, but that scene in particular did stand out as a great big, "Why is this happening?" Maybe if it had actually led to something it'd be better, but it didn't.

But Evangelion has always been messy and complicated, and that little bug aside, it's easy to see why it captured so many people's attention when it first came out and still does to this day. Hell, it's definitely consumed my every waking moment as of late.

However, Rei's little existential crisis is any indication, I'm approaching the part where things get really weird, so, that'll be...interesting.

[nevergonnabemuchmorethanweather]

It's actually pretty funny (funny stupid, not funny ha-ha) Giles left Buffy in s6 because he felt she was too dependent on him. As Buffy has shown again and again she already knew how to be independent and self-reliant (Walsh even said it herself), she was just so destroyed emotionally at that point she didn't know who else to turn to.

Oh, it's so much worse than that.

At the beginning of season 4, Giles tells Buffy she's an adult now and needs to be more independent. At the end of that same season, he throws a drunken tantrum because Spike points out that he's not in charge, Buffy is-- particularly pathetic, considering Buffy was calling most of the shots from season 2 at the absolute latest, and Spike at least had to lie to get the two nineteen year olds to act as ridiculous and childish as he did.

In season 5, Giles is thinking about leaving because Buffy doesn't need him anymore, but stays because she asks him to help her train more and go deeper into what being The Slayer really means. Then he does leave when she dies, leaving the Hellmouth and a deeply traumatized fifteen year old girl-- who was also the person Buffy loved most in the world-- to the care of a floundering group of twenty year olds, a lovesick vampire and a robot. But, you know, they can call him if they need him or whatever, and Buffy didn't specifically tell him to be the adult in her absence, so totally not an insanely selfish and irresponsible thing to do!

Then he comes back in season 6 because obviously Buffy will need him after being brought back to life, right? But then apparently she was supposed to stop needing him within just a few months and be not only fully recovered from her own death, but ready to be a completely independent homeowner and single mother to a teenager at twenty years old-- while also slaying and saving the world and all that.

In season 7 he tells her she needs to take charge and be a General-- until he doesn't like her decisions and actively undermines her, then participates in throwing her out of her own house.

This is what I meant by emotional cowardice and immaturity. Rather than face his own mid-life crisis, regrets and feelings of inadequacy, he pushes it all off onto Buffy. He's not running from his problems! Chronically dodging real responsibility? Not wise old Giles! Being a petty little bitch rather than face his emotions? Never! No, no, Buffy is the problem. If she would just find a way to be completely independent but also defer to him at all times, he wouldn't need to do these things.

I don't think I'll ever have it in me to truly dislike Giles as a character, and all this is part of what makes him interesting. He's not inherently good, and also nowhere near as wise or put together as he likes to pretend he is. He's a mess of a man, but he usually comes through in the end anyway, and is ultimately a force for good in the world when he could have just as easily become another Ethan-- and probably a much more effective one.

I do, however, often want to reach through the screen and slap the stupid out of him.

Thanks for the ask!

[the-flaming-nightmare]

Tagged by the wonderful @anewkindofme! ❤

Here's another snippet from my Little!Buck fic:

Bobby was silent for a brief moment after Eddie's explanation, exhaling a deep sigh before speaking again.

"Okay, I know exactly what's going on now." On the other end of the line, Eddie could hear what sounded like hurried footsteps and other muffled sounds he couldn't quite pinpoint. "Eddie, I'm going to need you to listen carefully and do exactly as I say–all with an open mind, alright?"

Eddie swallowed nervously. "Um, yeah. Yeah, I can do that."

"Sometimes... Buck mentally reverts back to a child. It's called age regression. Athena and I found out about it about two years ago, and have taken care of him when he's in that state of mind ever since: Athena is 'mama' and I'm 'daddy' or 'dada'. I know this might all sound a little unusual, but it helps him cope with his stress and trauma in a way that's actually healthy. We try to get him to get him to age down a couple of times every other week to help prevent situations like this from happening, but a sudden regression being triggered isn't uncommon, either. Especially after something as traumatic as being... as being struck by lightning."

Bobby paused to take a breath. He still struggled to directly talk about the lightning strike without getting swept up in the emotions that came with the memories of that night and the days that followed. Eddie understood perfectly well.

The older man cleared his throat before speaking again.

"I know this is a lot of information to take in all at once, and I'm sure you have questions–and I promise will do my best to answer them later–but right now I need you to just look after him until I get there. It's a lot to ask, I know, but–"

"Cap. Bobby," Eddie cut him off. "It's okay. It's not a lot to ask. While this is my first time hearing about something like this, it's not my first time handling a kid. And besides that, he's my best friend. I would do anything for him."

Bobby breathed a relieved sigh. "You have no idea how glad I am to hear you say that."

The sound of Bobby's truck starting in the background filtered through the speaker.

"I should be there in the next fifteen minutes or so. Until then, would you mind getting him cleaned up? I don't want him to end up with a rash. Who knows how long he's been wet."

"Yeah, sure thing."

"And would you also mind putting him into a pull-up as well? There should be a pack hidden somewhere in his closet."

"Yeah, of course. Not a problem, cap," Eddie responded without any hesitation.

Now that he knew what he was dealing with, Eddie felt surprising at ease now, and like he could think clearly enough to help his friend in the way he needed him. Even if that kind of help meant changing him out of pee-soaked clothes and bedsheets and putting him into a pull-up.

"Oh, and somewhere in the top drawer of his dresser there should be an old, dark grey Minnesota hoodie of mine. That usually helps calm him down pretty quickly."

"Okay, gotcha."

"Thank you, Eddie, really. I promise I'll find a way to make this up to you."

"Don't even worry about it, Bobby. Like I said, Buck's my best friend."

"I hope you know how grateful I am to you, Eddie."

Eddie's lips quirked up. "That I do, cap. That I do."

Tagging (if you wanna): @angelique-of-the-volturi-guard, @snarkythewoecrow, @tomwise @nottapossum, @cielconsumer, @reaperlight and anyone else who wants to join!

[surrexi]

okay so i watched the giggle and on the one hand i am fucking delighted and i loved it and rusty davies made these specials just for me and everyone else who has been mad at him for 15 years over ten's ending/donna's ending/etc.

on the other hand i do have a few relatively minor quibbles but on the whole i really did love the episode so i'm making a lil meta/comment post of my own about it so i don't word vomit about it in anyone else's notifications via tag rants lol.

quibble #1: look i too am delighted that tennant and tate could now come back for random episodes without timeline shenanigans but also the conceit of the "bigeneration" is a BIT SILLY and very contrived just to accomplish this and also...

quibble #2: it feels like a cop-out narratively as well because, like, rusty apparently could only think of two ways to write tennant's exit - with tantrums and destruction or just, like, not really doing it. which leaves me concerned that RTD hasn't actually fully internalized the lesson those of us who have been mad at him for a decade and a half would have liked.

quibble #3: after wild blue yonder i noted that i wished doctor who showrunners would accept that they can have mental health downtime happen off-screen, they can have visits to prior companions happen off-screen, etc., to help with the problem of the doctor never processing their trauma and also the problem of every companion's departure being traumatic. the bi-generation also sort of feels like a way to avoid that as well. fourteen chills with donna and her family for the rest of his life and meanwhile fifteen is simultaneously reaping the benefits of said mental health break, so it's fine, but now he's gonna experience his share of hard stuff and he's gonna have companions come and go and is he gonna deal with it or is he gonna depend on another mythical bigeneration happening down the line? JUST WRITE IN REFERENCES TO OFF-SCREEN HOME VISITS AND RESTFUL FUN TRIPS!

ALL THAT BEING SAID, FUCK YEAH, MY FAVORITE SHOW IS BACK, I'M SO EXCITED FOR THE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

also the bravery of ncuti gatwa to be like 'okay so i spend the entirety of my first appearance on the show with no trousers, wearing boxer briefs. sure!' a goddamn fucking STAR.

[klvm0nn]

Pretty Agnes…I MEAN PRETTY AGATHA!

Actually, her being Agnes, Billy’s sister, should be a spoiler…But I don’t have lots of subscribers to make y’all wait. So here she is!

So! What’s her lore? (Contains spoilers to her and Billy’s backstory, obviously)

When Billy was 4 years old, his mother married another man and gave birth to Agnes. (Billy’s father drowned when the boy was a toddler)

Agnes is Billy’s MOST favorite person. And considering the terror he received from his religious society, he was frightened by what horrible things could happen to her. When Agnes was eleven and Billy was fifteen, he realized that the time has come.

Did you know that in religious society, when puberty heats you, especially when you are a girl, your life mode switches to hardcore? Billy knew that. But how a sociopathic, mentally unstable and traumatized teenager could save his sister and rid off the problem?

He decided to murder his stepfather.

The attempt was failed, though. Did he really think he could kill a grown man? Lmao. However, he caused serious injuries and left Agnes’s father disabled for the rest of his life. Billy was sent to the mental asylum and little Agnes spent her youth all alone.

Does she love Billy? No. First of all, she was brainwashed by her parents. Second of all, she was too little to memorize how much he loved her. Probably she doesn’t even remember him or his appearance clearly.

Growing up, Agnes became less tbh creature and more Regina George. In a contrast to her 😝greasy😝 old brother, she managed to be really beautiful. She knew that. She also knew she wanted to be a star as her talent for singing, performing and dancing couldn’t be unnoticed. However, no one was happy about it, as religious people consider "stars" to be whores. Did Agnes care? No. Just like her brother, she’s a REBEL‼️‼️‼️

One day, without permission, she ran away from home to visit an audition in city. Spoiler! Agnes didn’t manage to make it, probably because of transport or smth like that.

A disappointment to your family. Agnes was not welcomed in her home anymore. Broken and lost she had to become a nun as there was no other good option. She took a new name and started a new life there, meanwhile planning on her another visit to the audition. Agnes isn’t really religious, she just uses the monastery so she has a roof over her head. Somehow she became really popular there, nuns usually try to impress her for some reason. Probably because emotionally and spiritually Agnes is really strong and she wins over people.

That’s all for now I guess!!! There’s more information about her, but I am soooo tired so I’ll probably just make more art with her so you don’t have to read such massive posts. Sorry if I have any mistakes, it’s literally 2 AM and I’m veeeerrrryyy sleepy. HOPE Y’ALL ENJOYED MY PRETTY AGNES’ BACKSTORY_(:3 」∠)_

[livelaughwhump]

hey sorry i was thinking could you maybe do a post where you tell briefly each characters backstory from worthless. like maybe not in detail but i remember for example you answered an ask about karine's fear of hospitals and her mom (i think) and about landon too so i thought you could gather them all in a post when and if you want and have time

i hope this doesn't sound impolite i really like your story

Of course! It doesn't sound impolite at all! I've actually been meaning to do something like this for a while, so thank you for the suggestion!😊

-

Worthless Character Backstories

Elliot Córdova (he/him) - Elliot was abandoned when he was very little because his parents were too young to raise a child and couldn't take care of him. He grew up in the foster system and was bullied relentlessly for his height, his race, his dyslexia, etc. The bullying got so bad that he eventually started skipping meals just to avoid his bullies. This led to him becoming very malnourished, which stunted his growth. He met his best friend and honorary older sister, Lyra, when he was seven and hardly left their side ever since. He was never adopted.

Lyra Beckett (they/she) - Lyra had a very loving family growing up. They were an only child and were incredibly close to their parents. However, when she was eleven, her parents were killed in a car crash on their way to pick her up from a friend's house. She was then put into the foster system and ended up rooming with Elliot, who eventually became her best friend and honorary little brother. Lyra protected Elliot from his bullies and tutored him in most school subjects that he struggled in. They began developing vitiligo at age fifteen and tried to hide it, as they were ashamed of it. Eventually, however, Elliot convinced them to be proud of it and they never hid it again. They were never adopted.

Karine de la Peña (she/her) - Karine was raised by a single mother until she was five, when her mother was killed in a shooting. She was then raised by her grandparents, including her veteran grandmother, who taught her everything she knows about combat. When Karine was eighteen, her grandmother died and she was left with only her grandfather. After that, she developed a serious drug and alcohol problem that landed her in rehab on more than one occasion. When she was twenty-three, her grandfather got very sick, but she couldn't see him due to being in rehab. Her grandfather eventually recovered and Karine swore that she would never find herself giving into her addiction again, and she has stayed true to that ever since. She is still very close with her grandfather.

Yvonne Freed (she/her) - Yvonne is one of six siblings, three girls and three boys. She is the second oldest, after her older sister, whom helped her raise their four youngest siblings. Yvonne's parents worked incredibly hard in order to provide for the family of eight, but were not home very often, which left Yvonne and her older sister to care for the younger four. Yvonne was bullied severely, growing up, both for being autistic and for her albinism. She quit school when she was sixteen in order to care for her siblings, but still had an affinity for learning and would teach herself whatever she could in her free time.

Broderick Abara (he/him) - Broderick is the oldest of three. His younger brothers are twins that were born when Broderick was twelve. Broderick's father was a military veteran that always wanted Broderick to follow in his footsteps, despite Broderick's desire to go to medical school. To compromise, when he came of age, Broderick went to Afghanistan to serve as a military medic, but was gravely injured on duty. Due to his post-traumatic stress injury (PTSI), he was honorably discharged from the military and sent back home. His father was furious about it and insisted that he would've rather that Broderick had died than be sent back before his service was completed. Broderick then moved out of the United States and has not spoken to his father since. (His mother also divorced his father and took custody of the twins)

Landon Copeland (he/him) - Of every "Worthless" character, Landon's life was the easiest and least traumatic, including compared to his sister's. Landon grew up in a loving family in a nice neighborhood. He went to a good school, was never bullied, and has always had a very close relationship with his little sister. He played many different sports all throughout his childhood and got into university on a basketball scholarship. The hardest thing that ever happened to him was when his parents got a divorce when he was fourteen, but he always maintained a fairly good relationship with both of them.

Colleen Copeland (she/her) - (MASSIVE TW - attempted suicide) Colleen is three years younger than her brother, Landon. Just like Landon, Colleen had a relatively normal childhood until she was fifteen. She had a loving family, a very close relationship with her brother, and a close-knit group of friends. Her parents got divorced when she was eleven, which didn't bother her much, as she had never had a great relationship with her mother. When Colleen was fifteen, she began to develop serious anxiety and depression. Her brother and father did everything they could to support her, but her mother brushed it off as attention-seeking behavior. Once Landon had gone off to university, Colleen's depression continued to worsen until it got to the point where she tried to take her own life at the age of sixteen. After hearing the news, Landon quit university in order to help Colleen through the rest of her high school years. Once she turned eighteen, Landon went back to university with her, where Colleen eventually met her future (ex) husband, Andrey, whom she'd end up having two kids with; Kiernan (age 7) and Jamari (age 5)

-

So yeah! Those are every character's backstories! Except for Christian, of course, because I just don't feel like he needs a backstory. Nothing happened to him that turned him into a whumper, he just is that way. The only reason I might create a backstory for him is to flesh out his character a little bit more, but he hasn't been in the story nearly enough for that to be necessary, so he's just gonna stay without for now.🤷

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed getting to know my characters a little better! I'm very proud of them, and I promise, their backstories will all come into play at some point in the main story! Thanks so much for the ask!🥰

[inamindfarfaraway]

And instead of Vanellope’s terrible arc where she abandons everyone she knows and loves to go Turbo, endangering two games full of people, she could have an arc about learning how to be a confident, responsible leader and happy, healthy, normal kid after living in isolation and persecution for so long. Ruling a society, being loved and respected by the other racers, having strong bonds of friendship and found family outside her game, regularly getting chosen by players… even with her memories back, it’s a lot to adjust to. A lot of pressure. She’s used to thinking of herself as a problem, a mistake, a danger. But now suddenly everyone sees the best in her. Surely everyone wants the best from her. They expect it, surely. No matter where she goes, she can’t stop being important. I can definitely see her struggling with insecurity, anxiety and imposter syndrome as she tries to turn her entire sense of self on its head after fifteen traumatic years. What if she messes up? What if she turns into a bad ruler like King Candy? What if some new villain or disasters takes everything away again? It’s happened before! You never know! She’s most players’ favourite character; what if she loses control of her glitch in front of them (I’d love to see it portrayed as a both positive and negative in different circumstances, like many autistic and ADHD traits, to continue its disability allegory in the first movie) and destroys her world? What if he was right and she is just the Glitch?

Ralph has his own thematically connected stuff going on about exploring his new identity as a good, happy, loved Bad Guy/Hero, but while Vanellope is already slipping at the start, he’s totally happy with his life before the plot happens. Maybe he has confront to deeper moral ambiguity, figure out what kind of Hero he wants to be and how okay he is with sacrificing things besides himself. Like, what if he has to make a choice that mirrors breaking the kart (ideally regarding Felix or a new character to differentiate it) that’s actually justified by the definite stakes? It feels equally wrong and does tangible harm, but is that excusable when it saves everyone? What is ‘the greater good’ in a universe greater and more complex than the arcade? The “Being a hero means doing the right thing, no matter what” idea is potent - and considering who brought it up, it would be another way to make Turbo haunt the narrative. Ralph having a more philosophically driven arc would pair nicely with Vanellope’s more emotionally driven one.

Anyway, he’s apprehensive about the internet, but she views it as an escape. Especially after they collide with the external internet plot of people researching the King Candy mystery and the Sugar Rush in Litwak’s Arcade, which massively triggers Vanellope’s buried issues. Firstly, she has to look at images of man who ruined her life, abused her and tried to kill her. Secondly, you know what else is abnormal in her specific cabinet? President Vanellope Von Schweetz. Her kart. Her outfit. Her dialogue. Her ‘power’. What if these stupid humans mess with her game trying to find answers? What if Litwak decides to reboot it? Maybe Sugar Rush is better off without her after all. The internet, aka the mortified ordeal of being perceived, does not help her handle this stress well. (Something something strangers on the internet feeling entitled to have an opinion on you, violating your privacy and taking your reputation wildly out of your control something something internet discourse rashly assigning morality to people based on superficial interpretations that deny the nuances of reality something something filter all the first movie’s concepts of heroism, villainy and performance through those themes. Works for Ralph’s ��Okay, but how do you stay a hero?’ arc too). We get messy trauma response representation! We get people on the internet being realistically unfair and judgemental about that! We teach children that although the internet can be a wonderland of freedom, self-expression and meaningful relationships, it’s also a minefield of toxicity that could harm their mental health incredibly easily if they dive into it without guidance or protection!

So Vanellope is the one who risks going Turbo this time. Her wanting to stay in another game is explicitly self-destructive and bad. Maybe she eventually realizes that Slaughter Race appeals to her because its dark, gritty tone; dirty, messy aesthetic; and abundance of danger and crime subconsciously remind her of being a homeless fugitive relying on herself. And whether pleasant or not, the familiar is comfortable. Tracking the video game investigation could lead her to other glitches and modified characters, giving her a community like Ralph’s Bad Guys Anonymous. That’s the upside of the internet: you’re not alone. Another plot point could be her using wifi to travel to a regular Sugar Rush console and meeting who she would be if not for Turbo… and Ralph. Imagine that conversation. It could help her make peace with her differences and internalize that she deserves to be happy and does belong in her game. Her father figure Ralph anchors her the most, of course. Though Calhoun can talk her through living with trauma and how it’s worth it, despite the discomfort, to allow yourself to heal and move on. In the end Vanellope comes home and embraces her arcade life. But she keeps in touch with her online support system and sometimes visits certain areas of the internet with varying degrees of adult supervision.

Smth I’ve thought about ever since I first saw wreck it ralph is that in universe king candy is basically an irl creepypasta. Like he’s a racer that only exists in this one specific sugar rush cabinet, every other version off the game has princess vanellope. Literally no one knows he exists except for ppl who went to this one small arcade in the United States. And if the code for sugar rush has been dumped there is no trace of king candy bc he only exists in this one cabinet. I bet there’s ppl who traveled cross country just to see if king candy actually exists.

And then after the movie king candy disappears from the roster forever and is replaced by vanellope but she’s different than every other vanellope, different outfit different personality different kart different voice lines etc

It’s literally that one arcade cabinet creepypasta discussions and YouTube videos about it in universe must be crazy.

[deripmaver]

laurent is a good person - book 1 meta

one of the most amazing things about captive prince is how the reveals in book 3 recontextualize all of the scenes leading up to them, including about laurent himself. in book one, all we see is damen pov as he’s being abused and humiliated by this supposedly spoiled, vile ice prince. when the regent comes to damen and subtly (and not so subtly) insults laurent, calling him unfit to rule - well, why would he think anything different? laurent has insulted him, had him whipped within an inch of his life, and even attempted to (and later successfully lmfao) have him raped while drugged out of his mind. 

after book 3 we can reread most if not all of book 1 as a very traumatized boy who has finally been confronted with the man who killed his brother, leaving him alone with his abusive uncle, and who he clearly has made into a complete monster in his own mind. damen of course sees him as a complete bitch, but there’s textual/subtextual evidence that laurent is well liked, and that his behavior during book 1 was actually pretty out of character for him. i’d like to provide some examples of that now!!!!

“Laurent had stopped dead the moment he had seen Damen, his face turning white as though in reaction to a slap, or an insult. Damen’s view, half-truncated by the short chain at this neck, had been enough to see that. But Laurent’s expression had shuttered quickly.” Captive Prince, Chapter One

i couldn’t resist adding this one in hehe. laurent recognizes damen!! he’s come down, knowing his uncle has devised another truly horrendous and triggering “gift” and that he’ll lose support if he calls it our for what it truly is, only to find out that it’s fucking damianos of akielos sent to him as a sex slave. a jab at laurent’s trauma about auguste and also a jab at laurent’s frigid sexuality - which ofc is completely the regent’s fault. fuck that guy so much lmfao 

“‘It’s so rare to see you at these entertainments, Your Highness,’ said Vannes.” Captive Prince, Chapter Two.

this is right before the fight between govart and damen in the ring, of course. damen sees laurent as depraved and vile as the sexual sadism on display by the veretian court, and considers him to be a willing purveyor of it. this is wrong, of course, as said by vannes here. laurent has only shown up because he wants to humiliate damen lmfao.

“He did remember being supported by two of the guards, here, in this room, while Radel stared athis back in horror. ‘The Prince really . . . did this.’ ‘Who else?’ Damen said. Radel had stepped forward, and slapped Damen across the face; it was a hard slap, and the man wore three rings on each finger. ‘What did you do to him?’ Radel demanded.” Captive Prince, Chapter Four

this scene, to me, was the most telling lmfao. it’s right after damen is whipped. you could argue that radel is just a servant in the employ of the royal household, so is of course going to be loyal to the prince, but he seems genuinely surprised of the prince’s cruelty towards damen. not only that, but he slaps him and immediately assumes damen must have done something. which - i mean, technically he did lmao. not necessarily enough to deserve having the skin flayed from his back, but you know. if laurent was in the habit of torturing pets and slaves, why would the overseer react this way?

“The men guarding him were the Prince’s Guard, and had no affiliation with the Regent whatsoever. It surprised Damen how loyal they were to their Prince, and how diligent in his service, airing none of the grudges and complaints that he might have expected, considering Laurent’s noxious personality. Laurent’s feud with his uncle they took up wholeheartedly; there were deep schisms and rivalries between the Prince’s Guard and the Regent’s Guard, apparently.” Captive Prince, Chapter Four

laurents relationships with his guards are also some of the biggest indicators that he isn’t just a spoiled brat, but can insire a deep loyalty in his men. even if they do all want to fuck him. ah, sexual harassment. it’s also hilarious that damen immediately assumes they’re loyal to him because they want to fuck him - nice projection there, dude. we know a bit more about laurent and his guards thanks to green but for a season, but this little bit here is interesting.

“Laurent was indeed good at talking. He accepted sympathy gracefully. He put his position rationally. He stopped the flow of talk when it became dangerously critical of his uncle. He said nothing that could be taken as an open slight on the Regency. Yet no one who talked to him could have any doubt that his uncle was behaving at best misguidedly and at worst treasonously.”  Captive Prince, Chapter Five

idek what to say here. laurent my beloved <3333

“‘When someone doesn’t like you very much, it isn’t a good idea to let them know that you care about something,’ said Laurent. Damen felt himself turn ashen, as the threat sank in. ‘Would it hurt worse than a lashing for me to cut down someone you care for?’ said Laurent.” Captive Prince, Chapter Seven

this isn’t really relevant to my thesis lmfao i just love this exchange bc it gives SO MUCH information about laurent and his uncle in just three lines of dialogue. what has the regent done, who did he cut down just to hurt laurent? when and how did laurent learn that? p a i n 

“Laurent’s fussy horse began acting out again, and he leaned forward in the saddle, murmuring something as he stroked her neck in an uncharacteristically gentle gesture to quiet her.” Captive Prince, Chapter Nine. 

HORSEY NO- lmfao this scene just hurts so badly on the reread. especially later on, in book 3 i think, where laurent says something like “i provoked my uncle.” he’s really blaming himself for his uncle KILLING HIS HORSE, his horse that his murdered brother trained, one of the only living connections to auguste... all because his uncle could not let a single miniscule plan laurent had set go through without some kind of repercussion. literally all laurent did was do something to stop an innocent group of people from being abused, nothing to undermine his uncle’s rule, but because the regent is VILE he could not let laurent have even this. he’s so good with her, too. he must have known by this point and also known that there was no way to stop this. P A I N

“‘I know that you have somehow arranged this,’ said Erasmus. He was incapable of hiding what he felt, and just seemed to radiate embarrassed happiness. ‘You kept your promise. You and your master. I told you he was kind,’ Erasmus said. ‘You did,’ said Damen. He was pleased to see Erasmus happy. Whatever Erasmus believed about Laurent, Damen wasn’t going to dissuade him. ‘He’s even nicer in person. Did you know he came and talked to me?’ said Erasmus. ‘—He did?’ said Damen. It was something he couldn’t imagine. ‘He asked about . . . what happened in the gardens. Then he warned me. About last night.’ ‘He warned you,’ said Damen. ‘He said that Nicaise would make me perform before the court and it would be awful, but that if I was brave, something good might come at the end of it.’ Erasmus looked up at Damen curiously. ‘Why do you look surprised?’ ‘I don’t know. I shouldn’t be. He likes to plan things in advance,’ said Damen.” Captive Prince, Chapter 9.

this is the first in-text confirmation we have that laurent has a good heart beneath his layers and layers of trauma-induced lashing out. book one often skeeves people out because of its graphic and, honestly, yes, kind of sexualized depiction of rape, slavery, and depravity, but beneath it all you meet these two protagonists who are going to have all of their most deeply held views about each other challenged. laurent from very early on is shaken to his core when damen refuses to rape nicaise in the ring - it cracks the very foundations of the person he’d built up in his head as this horrible monster who killed his brother in cold blood. and damen keeps defying laurents expectations by being a good person through and through. on the other hand, laurent spends the first part of the book taking out years of anger on damen, but here for the first time we see him do something just because its the kind thing to do. yes, torveld is an ally against his uncle, but laurent has clearly been scheming with him for a while now, and he’s now overlooking his hatred of damen and working with him just because none of the slaves deserve whats happened to them. it’s such a sweet moment.

“One of the other men, eyeing them, approached a moment later. ‘Don’t mind Jean. He’s in a foul mood. He was the one had to stick a sword through the mare’s throat and put her down. The Prince tore strips off him for not doing it fast enough.’” Captive Prince, Chapter Nine.

HORSEY NO- pt 2. this is just another really sweet and sad detail - laurent being so upset that the horse’s death could have been more painless. it must have hurt so much to see her in pain, and to know that the only way for that pain to end was being put down as quickly as possible. i wuv him. im sad

that’s it, though there are still a few more chapters left in the book. this isn’t providing any new information, of course, the path of the three books is to show that laurent isnt the man we meet in book one, that he’s actually sweet, and earnest, and he’s been fighting his own battle practically alone against his abuser since he was fifteen years old. also, the reveal that laurent knew who damianos was from the start makes it clear imo that all of his violence in book 1 was supposed vengence, not... him being evil. he apologizes explicitly in-text, and also, all of the acts of violence he commits cause serious problems for him in terms of his future alliance which he then needs to fix. i just love how layered these books are, how there’s so much information in them that makes rereading almost more fun than reading them for the very first time!

[sweeethinny]

Girl's night

I was inspired by a tiktok, and @startanewdream's fanfic where she write about Lily drinking and having a ''girl's night''

this is after Remus and Tonks get together, everyone lives, even if there is still Voldemort and war

(this got dramatic cause i'm sensitive thanks to my period please don't be mean to me)

--------------

''Don't men get tired of being such idiots?'' Hestia asked, walking into the kitchen with a bottle of wine in one hand and potato chips in the other, the glasses flying after her. Lily smiled, it was like being eighteen all over again.

''No,'' Molly said, helping her with the glasses, while Fleur and Tonks sat at the table next to Lily. ''There are some who look like they were born just to test our intelligence and patience,''

''I think the date didn't go well yesterday?'' Lily poured them all the wine, Fleur pouring the potatoes into a pot. Molly and Tonks watched Hestia drinking and denying it, a grimace of disgust on her face.

''He massaged my thigh thinking it was my pussy, and when I tried to help him he spent fifteen minutes sucking just my left lip,'' they all groaned in displeasure, sympathizing with Hestia's pain, who laid her head down in her arms resting on the table, completely defeated. ''There's only three things down there, and it's a button in the middle, it's not that hard,'' her voice was muffled, but Lily noticed that she actually looked upset.

“Guys suck, one time one started sucking my belly button and asking if I was going to come, like… ew, get out of there!” Tonks scowled, drawing laughter from the other women. ''I mean, maybe someone finds this sexy, but to me it's just gross,''

''Life is hard for us Tonks, unlike Lily and Molly who have been with the same guy for years, we need to expose ourselves to these idiot men who don't know what they're doing,'' Hestia rolled her eyes, drinking more.

''And me?! Bill and I have only been together for two years,’’ Fleur interrupted, her thick French accent making her outrage even funnier. ''I had problems too, but it was more like, 'Oh, I'm sorry, you're too beautiful' and it was all over in two minutes,'' She rolled her eyes.

''And I got involved with other boys at Hogwarts,'' Lily said, memories she'd like to erase from her teenage years embarrassing her even though she's over thirty already. ''Or don't you remember Bernard? He came in my shoes, it was a horrible sight, I was traumatized,''

''Ew, Bernard, he was a sucker, why did you want to kiss him?''

''You and Marlene said it would be nice to have something to do during summer break,'' Hestia denied, smiling at Lily.

''I'm sorry, we were two complete idiots,'' Lily shrugged, she knew that, and at the end of the day, no one forced her to kiss that boy, she did it because she wanted to.

''And I might not have gotten more than kissing with any other boy besides Arthur,'' Molly said, eyes trained on her wine glass, her cheeks adorably flushing. ''But, that didn't stop them from being idiots. Imagine being thirteen and having your first kiss, when you feel something wet and gooey on your skirt? I ran away in disgust,'' She grimaced. ''It was awful, I mean, we just kissed, and it was so weird and gross, how could he like that? Terrible. He just came in his pants and rubbed himself on me,''

“Uh, adventurous Molly, I thought you were waiting for your soulmate to do these things,” Tonks, far more uninhibited than any other woman at that table, even drinking wine, said, grinning slyly at the matriarch and winking. ''Well, but I understand Hess, you three got married young, we here, we had a lot of disappointments. A guy once asked me in the middle of sex to transform into his ex,’’

''Disgusting,'' Hestia stuffed her mouth with potatoes. ''I've already given up on my love life, I only went on this date because Lily wanted me to,''

''It's just because he's the son of the owner of a very large potions pharmacy, and when this is all over, I want to go back to work… I thought Hess would like him,'' Lily shrugged, sipping her wine to avoid the slight embarrassment she felt at the judgmental looks.

''But you can't give up, Hess,'' Fleur turned to the defeated woman at the end of the table, her head in her hand and her eyes like those of a sad dog. ''There are a lot of good men out there, I have a single cousin who is very handsome-''

''And I also have a single cousin who's really handsome,'' Tonks said, a huge smile on her face. "And, I must say, I've heard a woman who works with both of us say he doesn't rub your thigh, and that he knows what he's doing down there," She blinked, and Lily wanted to laugh at how red Hestia became, her first reaction being to shift in her chair to buy time before speaking;

''Don't be silly, Tonks. And Fleur, I appreciate it, but honestly, I think my time in this maiden business is over, it's time to admit defeat. You've all met amazing men, there's no doubt... I mean, Lily always smiles when she talks about James, Molly's eyes sparkle when Arthur calls her sweetheart, Tonks almost freaks out when Remus kisses her in front of everyone, and Fleur nor does it hide how much she likes it when Bill speaks a word in French. Your love is beautiful, but it's rare, we must accept it. One person from this circle needs to be the exception, and in this case, it's me.''

''No honey, don't say that, you're such a beautiful and smart woman,'' Molly put a hand on Hestia's shoulder, as if she were one of her children. It didn't go unnoticed by Lily the quick glint of tears in her eyes that that motherly movement caused her. ''But maybe you're looking in the wrong place. Diamonds are not found in a coal mine.”

'’How did you find Arthur, Molly?'' Hestia asked, her voice trembling slightly, barely perceptible. But Lily had known her long before Hestia was interested in men, she knew her weaknesses.

''Oh, we were classmates, he sat in the front and was super geeky, and I was in the back, usually slept through some classes, but I was smart, just lazy... I got to be his pair in Muggle Studies, and we became friends,'' Molly smiled, looking as young as if she were back in the early years of the relationship. ''And during Valentine's Day, I noticed that he hadn't received any cards, and he looked a little sad, so I sent him one... I think I already liked him, it's been so long since I don't remember the exact moment where I thought he was, you know, the one, but I think it was during this time. We were fifteen, and he sent me a card back, asking me out... We've been together ever since,''

''That's so cute, Molly, I shouldn't have asked you,'' Hestia sighed, again laying her head in her arms, her wineglass already empty.

"I already told you, my cousin is single, and everyone around this table knows he acts like a fool around you," Tonks shrugged, pouring everyone more wine, even though Lily was already starting to feel that heat at the base of her back.

''Hestia will never admit that she wants Black to ask her out,'' Lily rolled her eyes. ''Once at Hogwarts, a boy wanted to ask her out, and she pretended to be dating Sirius just because she didn't want to say no to him-''

''He was helping me study for Runes! I couldn't hurt him!''

''And even then, Sirius never seemed to mind pretending to be her boyfriend. Occasionally they would do that, when Hestia wanted to win a free cupcake at a pub on Valentine's Day, he would hold her hand and say things like "I'm going to schedule our wedding for tomorrow,'" ''

''I didn't know that!'' Tonks widened her eyes, as did Fleur and Molly. Lily nodded.

''I never understood why none of them ever took the first step... you know, the true one,'' she said.

''Because Sirius is my friend, he did it because he saw me as one of the blokes in the group,'' Hestia grumbled, drinking some more now that Tonks had filled her glass.

''Hess, he never did that to me,’’

‘’Because you never needed to. Lily has been dating James since forever, basically, she doesn't know what it's like to feel humiliated for not having anyone to share that damn valentine's cupcake from some pub in London. James always shared with her,'' Hestia shrugged. ''Sirius has pretended to date even Remus, don't you remember?''

"But he stopped faking the second they got what they wanted, with you he'd be faking all the time until one of you had to leave," Lily said, staring at her as if she wished Hestia would deny the truth.

''He sees me as a friend, Evans,''

''Now that Lily and Tonks have spoken, I've noticed him looking at you,'' Fleur said, as if the moment had flashed back to memory.

''He's always looking at her, it's almost uncomfortable,'' Molly said, and they all nodded.

''Let's change the subject, because you're all talking nonsense, and I won't-''

''Oh, what do we have here?'' The men' voices flooded Molly's kitchen, footsteps being heard as everyone walked there.

She almost felt bad for Hestia, especially when she saw her groan painfully at all the women being kissed by their husbands, but Lily couldn't help but kiss James. She had missed him, what could she do?

''It's an Girl's night'' Fleur said, now sitting on Bill's lap, sharing a glass of wine with him.

''Well, clearly not anymore,'' James commented, pulling up a chair to sit next to Lily and Hestia, laughing when she denied it and rolled her eyes. ‘’What happened, Hess? Did someone break your heart?''

'I'm not going to talk about it with you, Potter, give it up,'' Arthur, who was the only one who didn't look too excited about the idea of ​​been there, chuckled softly leaning against the counter, looking almost uncomfortable.

‘’We should just go to the living room…’’

''No,'' Remus sat down next to Tonks, one arm around her shoulders. ''Come on Hess, we've been friends for years, what happened?'' Lily felt sorry for her, really, but she couldn't help but laugh.

''Leave her, my poor thing,''

''Oh, so someone really broke your heart, Jones?'' Bill asked, curious.

Hestia, who had shifted in her chair and pulled the pot of potato chips closer to her, looked hopeful - but unobtrusive - that someone else would enter the kitchen. Lily watched as she glanced at the door once more before sighing and faking a smile, shrugging her shoulders.

''Nah, it was nothing, just me venting,'' She laughed humorlessly, standing up. "I'll go home, tomorrow I have to face James' bad company on our trip to that cursed goods store, and I need a good night's sleep before then,"

''I'm a great companion,'' He said to everyone else.

Hestia ignored him. ''That's it, bye. Thanks for the wine girls, it's good to feel young again.” And just as she entered the kitchen, Hestia hurried out, not long before Floo's noise was heard in the living room.

Lily wanted to do something, but just as she hadn't let James do years ago, she wouldn't now. She knew they would need to find a way on their own, even if it hurt to see her best friend like that.

[tiredspacedragon]

I had a quick look in the notes before voting, and I'm kinda surprised by what I saw. Because a lot of people seem to be forgetting a key factor in this matchup: These are all the same person. Which means, as the Doctor gets older, each one of these incarnations remembers being the others, so the younger ones are at a massive disadvantage.

Especially Eccleston. Like don't get me wrong, this is tumblr, we all love Nine here. And yeah, hes angry and bitter and one of the most physically fit out of this bunch. But he is also freshly traumatized, and trying really hard to be Less Violent, Actually. And, this is kinda hugely important, all of the others know all of his tricks. Nine was only 900 years old, he's a baby compared to most of the rest. If it came to a straight grapple, then he has good odds, but he is losing the mental game.

Now Ten is capable of great and twisted violence, and is also spunky and a little unpredictable. However, he also goes down in one punch. Like canonically, it happens more than once. He can take falling from a spaceship, through a glass window, and onto a hard marble floor, but the man has a glass jaw and basically everyone here has a mean punch. So he's out.

Eleven is being criminally underestimated in the notes. Like I get that it's currently trendy to hate on him, but come on. Reducing him to a baby-faced twink is a huge mistake. Eleven was a vicious, cold-blooded, survivor of a bastard, who lived longer than everyone else here put together. He used that baby face as a weapon, underestimating him plays straight into his hands, and Nine and Ten absolutely would underestimate him. He might be hampered by the others though, because again, they'd remember being him and would consider him a high-priority target.

Twelve is an angry chihuahua of a man, and he has a solid hook on him, but he is also physically the oldest here and definitely has a far worse bark than bite. I don't see him winning, but I do see him being a persistent nuisance to all the others, chasing after them, snarling and biting at their heels and just not staying down. He did shoot a guy in the face that one time, but I don't think a fight with his other selves could push him to that level of desperation. In the end, he's sass, not brass.

I don't know much about Thirteen yet, but from what I do know, she's a little deranged and would absolutely fight dirty. I believe she's physically the smallest here, so that could hurt her, but eh... Like I said, fighting dirty. Can solve a lot of problems, that.

Fourteen has no chance. Like actually none, I am sorry. He might not go down as easily as Ten, might stay standing for a while, actually. But he is not going to fight. Absolute heap of a man. Actually, paradoxically, he might not lose, either? Like the others would just look at him and go "Y'know what, I'll leave him alone, he very clearly does not want to be here." Fifteen would probably get him a blanket, sit him down on the sidelines, and periodically go check to see he was alright. So maybe I'm wrong, maybe he actually would win if all the others took each other down.

But I think my bet goes to Fifteen. Yeah he's brand new, so we know basically nothing about him. But he is also the oldest by far, is the only one here with the ability to accurately judge all the others' capabilities, and has one key advantage none of the others do: Mental Health. Fifteen's defining trait so far seems to be that he is Doing Okay, Actually. Fifteen has had therapy. He has had rest and recovery time. He is refreshed. That might take some of the edge off him, but like. It certainly wouldn't make him stupider. And does that edge ever really go away? And would it really matter that much in a straight up brawl? Like plus, have you seen Ncuti Gatwa? This is not your classic skinny Doctor, the man is sculpted. So yeah, we'll see how he turns out, but right now my money's on the new guy.

okay if you were to pit every modern-era Doctor against each other in a fight. no holds barred. they can fight as dirty as they like. physically or mentally. just full on duking it out. who do you think would win. this is not a "who is your favorite" poll it's a "who would beat the shit out of the others most effectively" poll

[phoenixyfriend]

Thoughts on “Auntie Soka and Little Leia” now that I’ve actually got it posted:

Call it a director’s cut! The process of actually writing the thing, and also jokes made along the way. Link to the actual fic.

Unfortunately, I don’t have the energy for image descriptions, even the text screenshots. Might come back that later. Most of this was DMs with @atagotiak​.

This was an entire thing before I even started writing:

Before I decided on ages and stuff Ahsoka, to Jango, who has had zero contact with Kaminoans: Okay I know I'm a Jedi kid so you hate me but this toddler is your clone from the future. Jango, tired: What the FUCK are you talking about. Rex, barely able to talk: Don't you dare leave me with him, Commander! Ahsoka: I'm not going to leave you I just--I'm so tired I'm so fucking tired I haven't slept in five days and someone tried to kidnap Leia two days ago I am so fucking tired I need help

Ben: [twenty years of depression followed by a 'now I'm safe' breakdown over the course of weeks] Sokari: [whatever the FUCK this mess is]

When Ahsoka mentions there only being three other Jedi at the time of her death,  I was thinking Kanan, Yoda, and Obi-Wan (Leia told her about the latter two living past her). She's not counting anyone that received training after the Temple fell, and she didn’t know about Cal.

When Leia says  “I was adopted and raised by one of the founders of the rebellion, a movement built on the desire to instate freedom and democracy in a galaxy that had lost even the pretense.”

Depa: I'm no therapist but I diagnose you with "incredibly fucked up." Ahsoka: yeah, that’s fair

"Why did you pick Depa for--" She's pretty and I'm gay. Also because of the Kanan thing But mostly I'm gay "It's not a visual medi--" GAY

Empty of context beyond general post-fic AU: "Hey Sokari, we need to engage in psychological warfare against this individual and--" "I'm going to break into his office and leave a threatening note on his desk and leave no other sign that I was there. He'll see that his security is nothing and the only reason he isn't dead is because I'm too nice to kill him." "...okay, not what we were planning, but that works. Why is that your first choice?" "I really like breaking and entering, it's soothing." Ben just standing there with a bland smile like This Is Normal.

"We need someone to infiltrate a highly guarded facility in hostile territory." "So we're sending the Torrent kids?" [sigh] "We're sending the Torrent kids."

Rex and Sokari insist on both going by "Torrent" even though Rex could be a Fett. Jango really wants him to be a Fett. Rex has too many grudges to agree to being a Fett for... a while.

I really hope it's blatantly obvious that Ahsoka's not a reliable narrator for some things Ahsoka: Fett could care less if I died Jango: jfc even if you are older than me I can see you're fucked up. Drink your hot chocolate. Hells. She's got good reason to expect him to hate her as a Jedi! BUT. THAT IS NOT REFLECTIVE OF REALITY

We don’t get a lot of actual characterization for Jango, but the way I played him out here is he has never really parsed that Jedi are people before all this. It's a lot harder to treat them as a monolith when the traumatized former child soldier is having regular breakdowns in your shitty little kitchen

Fett: I respect you Ahsoka: No, don't do that

Ahsoka’s vigilantism is something that, in my mind, she's associating heavily with Zygerria and then the clones.

I figured that she never bothered to learn Quinlan’s teacher’s name but in the process of looking up some basic facts (whether he had a surname), I found that Wookiepedia was forced to give us a VERY wide range of possible death in Legends.

Please take a moment to imagine Quinlan's FACE when Ahsoka initially dismisses him. Quinlan has put a lot of effort into being rogueishly charming! It's very useful for his line of work! He knows to expect either irritation or a return flirtation when he acts like this with people his own age! Ahsoka is not flustered OR rolling her eyes and insulting him, she's just ignoring him and it's a bit of a blow to the ego

This just makes me really happy:

This was the initial comment I made, as a joke What if Maul is just. There. On one of the planets they make a pitstop at. What if Maul exists as the walking problem he is, but fifteen, and Ahsoka immediately tries to kick his ass and drag him back to Coruscant. I do not have room for this plot but What If

Despite not having room for this plot, I proceeded to write this plot.

Maul is kidnapped and it’s the best thing that ever happened to him HE'S FIFTEEN HE'S DUMB AS SHIT AND HAS A BAD ATTITUDE AND YEAH HE'S A DARKSIDER BUT HE'S FIFTEEN

Ahsoka: I sense... Maul [takes off sprinting] Rex: [immediately takes Jango's blaster and runs after her] Jango: Wait who Tholme: Who Quinlan: Who Jango: [looks at Leia] Leia: I don't know who that is either! Ahsoka, already wrestling a teenager to the ground: Oh no, you're a child, REX STUN HIM AND GRAB THE CUFFS, I'M SURE FETT OR THOLME HAS SOME

Fighting him isn't even legal, they have NO evidence of criminal wrongdoing, so first she needs to yell until he admits to something she can fight him about

Ahsoka: When I see Maul, it's on SIGHT Maul: WHO ARE YOU

Ahsoka: The Force didn't give me hands just to NOT throw them when I run into That Crafty Son Of A Bitch

Ben, when they arrive, after the tearful reunion: You... you brought Maul. Ahsoka: Well, yeah, he's fifteen and kinda dumb. I figured we could drag him here and force him into therapy, see what happens. Ben: I can't quite tell through the gag, but I think he's threatening to feed you your own spleen. Ahsoka: Lol, yeah.

Ben is absolutely on team "get Maul therapy" and will fight the Council on rehabilitating the baby Sith But also it's like. Here's your daughter! And your niece! And your daughter's QPP! Also your best friend, but baby, and his teacher, and the biological origin of a number of people you cared for deeply! AND ALSO THE GUY WHO SPENT LITERAL DECADES CRAVING YOUR DEATH, FOR SOME REASON

I just really want Ahsoka lovingly bullying Maul She gives him noogies and the horns don't protect him because girl has reinforced gloves

Maul's only allowed a low-power training saber and his fights with Sokari involve Much Taunting by her and Eventual Screaming by him, and everyone pops by to see: 1. Sokari doing the most absurd flips, for fun. 2. The bullshit that is ataru-shien reverse-grip jar'kai in the hands of someone who makes it work 3. What a Sith lightsaber form looks like 4. Just the general nonsense that is the way these two fight

Tia said “Wrt ridiculous flips. I'm remembering that time she beheaded four Kryst'ad at once.” and I just Rex brings up the quadruple beheading at one point to get someone to stop asking questions and the awkward, horrified silence almost makes him regret it. And then Sokari just snorts and makes a joke about how Rex once speared a slaver point-blank and everyone's just like hello??? "are you two okay" "no"

Maul absolutely starts crushing on Sokari after a 'sword under chin' moment and she's just very "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh you're fifteen, bye" GO MAKE PUPPY EYES AT OBI-WAN OR SOMETHING

The crushes are the worst part of everything, really, she's an attractive young woman that can kick a lot of ass, and a lot of people are into that! Unfortunately, most of those people are a decade younger than she is, mentally, because all the people her actual age look at her and see a child on account of the 17yo body.

It’s almost a good thing she’s in no place mentally for a relationship.

I just want Ahsoka to wear beskar.... I think that would be Nice........

This AU is also what caused this post.

I'm deeply enamored by the idea that Ahsoka can win fights against "older" padawans pretty much unilaterally, even when they team up 2v1 And then she offers to fight 5v1 "But only if I have permission to fight dirty." Ben approves it, a horror show full of "I fought many wars and will scream in your face or kick you in the balls if that's what it takes" follows She wins. There are no permanent injuries, but her reputation certainly gets weirder. Nobody under the rank of Knight agrees to let her fight dirty again. She just lets that stand because, well, she's not actually a padawan, she's thirty-three.

I’m not going to write this but my brain was EVIL and suggested it:

IT WOULD BE REALLY SAD IDK maybe 9yo Anakin has nightmares about what's happening to baby Ahsoka because bullshit about time-traveling force bonds IDK ANYWAY he cries to Sokari about the nightmares and she's like "oh shit" and it's time to go rescue herself from motherfucker unlimited

It's either that or she's like, expecting to welcome mini-me aaaany day now, for like, several months, before she realizes Something Went Wrong. Anakin’s dreams could even start right as she’s starting to realize something’s off.

Obi-Wan has never had a padawan that doesn't at some point bite Even Luke will, when pushed

OH also once the twins get Baby's First Lightsaber (training sabers, not real kyber), Sokari begs to borrow them for a dumb joke and tells Rex to get on her shoulders for a "Grievous Greeting" and they do The Thing

Jango and Ahsoka wrt Quinlan is just “Do I need to beat him up for you” “You realize I’ve beaten up sith lords before?”

JANGO'S TRYING He's just. "Can we be friends? Can I--can I be the guy that just noticeably gets in the way of a creep on the subway so you can be more comfortable without someone making a scene? I'm fucking trying here, give me a hint."

We didn’t actually figure out Jango’s age until this point. The only reason Fett's age matters is for Quinlan making a Wild Oats quip after Jango says he didn't know about Rex until a few weeks ago, and Fett going "How old do you think I am? And how old do you think the kid is?" and Quinlan getting Very Awkward as he does the math. Rex overhears and lets Quinlan sweat for a bit before saying "I'm a genetically-modified clone someone grew in a tube, he didn't know or have reason to know until he saw me with Sokari." Which is like. Eight additional layers of WTF, obviously, but at least Jango gets to avoid awkward wild oats jokes

Like, you’d expect the rebuttal to be ‘he’s my brother just with a biiig age gap’ or ‘he’s my nephew’

I find it very unfortunate for Quinlan that I've decided his defining characteristic in this context is going to be repeatedly putting his foot in his mouth

He’s trying so hard but "That sounds like a cool thing, maybe I'll ask ab--and it's another fucking trauma."

I'm doing Ahsoka&Jango t w i c e (there’s another fic where I’m doing it)

It’s just a fun dynamic! So much resentful respect.

Like she's twenty seconds away from calling him a bitch at any given time and he's just there like "I don't like you but I do see you move like you're about to tell an entire building to get on their knees with their hands in the air and I can respect that" Also she's probably much less judgmental about using blasters than Obi-Wan is The Maul subplot actually started with me daydreaming about Ahsoka grabbing a blaster for Reasons

I like the idea of Jango just deciding the most Useful thing he can do is help teach the Smol how to fight. He's AWKWARD around Rex and Soka because he doesn't know if there's anything he CAN teach them.

I didn’t actually plan for Tholme to figure out the age thing, he just SAID it and I had to sit there like Wait.

Ahsoka, Rex & Leia: ahhh, children Tholme: you say that like you aren’t children

I liked getting to write Rex's little "I have worked with all of them, and they're all Terrible" He loves them But They once got stranded on a planet that didn’t exist and Ahsoka died and Anakin killed a god.

There was research and discussion as to whether Ahsoka could win against Tholme but seeing as she held her own against Vader, and fought Grievous at that physical age without dying, etc.... yeah, the only thing holding her back was her body not being what she was used to, and she’s had a few weeks go adjust.

“I miss being able to just jump off skyscrapers” is such a jedi thing

Jango: I'll take the gun back if he tries to leave, they can't get far before--WHAT THE FUCK He knows Jedi are scary but he’s still not really used to just how over the top ridiculous they are He knows how to deal with Jedi in battle, not Whatever The Fuck These People Are Doing

Rex isn't even a Jedi, he's just so used to working with them. “Oh yes time for free-falling without a parachute again, same shit as always.”

Tia: I’m imagining Jango freaking out and Quinlan and Tholme being like. Concerned but mostly exasperated Clearly if they’re jumping off buildings it must be serious? But jfc they could’ve maybe communicated a bit more?

Leia: I want to finish my juice Tholme: Quin, stay with her while we go figure out what those two are doing. Quinlan: Wait what

Jango: Oh now he’s jumping off a building too??? Tholme: Sokari, you are not registered! You can't legally jump out windows yet! Jango: What the hell is going on? Is this normal?

We don’t necessarily know how often Ahsoka and Maul ran into each other after Mandalore. There was the later thing on Malachor, but other than that I'm just going with the idea that they ran into each other every year or two and just went for the eyes like feral cats

Ahsoka: I need to kick ass and you're coming with me. Rex: Yeah, okay. [several minutes later] Rex: Whose ass are we kicking?

Ahsoka and Rex

Neloms aren’t a SW fruit to the best of my knowledge, I just wanted to mess around with lemons/melons

Jango: you didn’t think any of this through, did you? Rex: you were there, you know we didn’t "When the Jedi says to jump out a window, I jump out a window."

Tholme’s real composed about stalking the ancient nigh-mythical enemy of his people, very “Life is already so goddamn weird”

This fic has been so heavy on the trauma but then I introduce Maul and suddenly it's the worst kind of comedy Nobody is competent, everyone's a little dumb, the bad guy is just grocery shopping

My propensity for banter has turned this into a six-person buddy cop comedy about Maul buying grapes They spend a significant amount to time ineffectually stalking Maul before Quin suggests the sensible option Quinlan just "You remember this is my literal job and specialty right"

Ahsoka sees Maul and all her brain cells go out the window except "Fight good" Usually she doesn’t need to worry about doing things legally. Maybe she needs to worry about someone seeing her do illegal things but she spent the past 15 yrs in a place where her existing was illegal

I feel like he’s also maybe kinda wanting to reassert that yes he is competent. Bc like. Ahsoka’s been kinda condescending this whole time and also can beat everyone up so. It's not his fault that he's actually the youngest person there, but.

Jango is finding this whole being friendly to Jedi thing a lot more overwhelming than he thought it would be. And overwhelming in different ways.

Maul usually signifies things getting worse and more horrifyingly tragic but he's just a dumb teen that they needed to arrest for his own good.

Quinlan: Look, I'm useful! Ahsoka: I've been through hell, wanna hear? Quinlan: NO. I DON'T. WHY.

Quinlan: I understand the concept of joking about your traumas, I do it sometimes myself! But sith hells that’s a lot of trauma.

Quinlan just wanted her to treat him as a Competent Individual, and here she is whipping out stories about Dying and Gods and the Force insists it's the truth and he just???? And apparently emo darksider over there is a Sith. And just, sure. Why not

A lot of people’s interactions with the time travelling disaster lineage is just

Tholme and Fett arguing and  Ahsoka's just waiting for a moment to pop in with "Hey, when's the last time either of you worked with the other's culture before this mess? Yeah, that's what I thought."

Much like Leia and Ahsoka hurting each other earlier, and Tholme figuring out the de-aging, we ALSO have Fett’s confrontation with Ahsoka being something the characters just did, rather than something I planned.

FTR the only time I managed to trigger myself while writing this fic was the “your behavior isn’t actually acceptable and we’ve all been trying really hard to give you room to recover but you have to at least make an effort to not be a bitch”

Writing about people having PTSD and symptoms of such: Yay! Writing about people having PTSD and engaging in toxic behavior to cope: Shit Ahsoka had... basically my exact reaction. It's "remind yourself that you're in the wrong, that they have a point, and then be overly formal in the apology because fuck if you accidentally make them feel sorry for you when they're the injured party"

Quinlan: Can we be friends? I mean, you're an asshole, but you're really cool. Let's be friends. (He MIGHT be nursing a crush) (Neat mysterious girl who can beat him up.)

Also he realises she's probably nicer when not having a slow-motion breakdown He's like "Huh, you'll probably be less of an asshole once you've gotten therapy."

...also, she pretty and got Nice Biceps

I love writing a good mental breakdown

I was so close to including a "he tried to kill me" just early enough for Jango to wildly misinterpret as her thinking Quinlan tried to kill her. He'd have been very confused, considering Quinlan's the one that called them down in a panic and currently has Ahsoka having her massive breakdown in his lap But

Tia:  I could see Jango interpreting it as idk, Quin resembling someone or for a moment acting like someone who tried to kill her and she had a flashback or something like that

There's absolutely room for a couple reasonable interpretations there And "trapped in a flashback about someone who tried to kill her" is absolutely what's happening! Just. You know. For a different reason. Jango probably wouldn’t assume Quin would hurt her, for one thing he seems to like her, for another even if he did he’s smart enough to pick a way that wouldn’t be so likely to get him caught

I had to step back and actually say “Also I'm just. Wow. I'm really just shoveling QPP Rex&Ahsoka at full speed”

Me, a few weeks ago, joking: Two halves of the same idiot black ops specialist Me, now, entirely seriously: Two halves of the same idiot black ops specialist

Me, belatedly: Oh, Ahsoka being joyfully mean to people was a form of mania she was unconsciously using to build a barrier between herself and her impending meltdown

She went from "just died" to "in charge of Rex and Leia" in like. Two minutes.

Confession: I've been delighting in the mental image of this whole Mess leading Jango to try to retake Mandalore, and Ahsoka loans him a saber for a 1v1 to get the darksaber.

“Can’t I just fight him barehanded? That’s how I did it on Galidraan.” "But the drama, Fett!"

Probably Rex has learned how to use a saber as well, because you never know when you have to borrow a weapon

I later changed my mind to Jango asking her to help, rather than her just sneak-teaching him, but it was funny.

Background nonsense to all this is Ahsoka and Rex, despite Rex being as force-sensitive as a lump of coal, having developed a process where she can extend her sensitivity to him mind-to-mind for weird symbiotic battle trance that scares everyone around them. It’s very similar to Battle meditation.

CONTEXT FOR LEIA BEING WORRIED ABOUT THOLME HIDING THINGS: Tholme is hiding the fact that the Council reached out and told him that the people he picked up might be connected to Ben and Luke, who showed up after the Depa thing but a solid week and change before Jango's ship makes it to the Temple. They asked that he not share that information to avoid getting anyone's hopes up in case the two situations aren't related. Ben and Luke haven't shared enough information for anyone to really be sure if the other three are connected Because the info Tholme has isn't quite the info Jango has, etc. And they can't just say Ben is a future Obi-Wan over comms

I just have a lot of feelings about people trying to do something right and just. Nobody's at fault! Not really! It's just complicated!

Tia: I like how when Ahsoka isn’t doing maladaptive trauma response stuff she’s very mature. And of course she’s had to be but it’s a good like, contrast. Where when she slows down to think about things she’s very sensible

Jango just spends most of this story lowkey wanting Ahsoka to Be His Friend but there's too much baggage that he's only metaphysically responsible for

Local aroace(?) has a squish

Ahsoka: He just wants to get on my good side because of Rex. Jango: I'm pretty sure you could kill an entire army without trying but you wouldn't because you have actual morals and stuff... and when I met you it was because you were killing yourself trying to keep (what appeared to be) children safe... you seem cool please be my friend.......

Ahsoka’s #1 weakness: mountains of trauma Ahsoka’s #2 weakness: she just doesn’t get why so many people think she’s cool and want her to be their (girl)friend

Jango, a 27yo massacre survivor who's killed Jedi masters with his bare hands: [gets lectured on various government structures by a tiny girl that's missing several teeth and needs to sit on books to see the table properly]

Ahsoka was raised in a religious meritocracy but developed all her opinions during a galactic war and then became a vigilante spy, Rex comes from a military cult, Leia is from an inherited monarchy that participates in democracy, Quinlan was originally from what appears to be a dynastic dictatorship, and IDK about Tholme other than that he is also from the religious meritocracy. And in legends Quinlan came to the religious meritocracy after his aunt sacrificed his parents to a vampire cult and then forced him to experience the psychometric echoes of that. There's just. A lot going on.

Leia at least has knowledge about structure and admin in theory that isn't based in either the military or populations under 10k

Jango: I want to be your friend. Ahsoka: Sounds fake.

I am unfairly fond of "Rex destroys a conversation by bringing up his own horrifying childhood and calling it a cult"

"Why does Sokari call you 'Rex'ika'?" "Because she's older than me." "...can I--?" "No."

Nickname privileges are extended ONLY to Ahsoka and older clones. There are no more older clones, so it's just Ahsoka.

Me joking about Star Wars AUs: Would you like a crackship? Me writing actual Star Wars fic: My favorite character type is apparently “too traumatized to have a relationship” so this is at least 90% gen.

I had to pull a scene opening at one point because Ahsoka's skill with not getting shot is actually much less useful than Tholme's clearance levels.

Now I really want a team-up of Ahsoka, Rex, and Jango where they do have to get in a dogfight of the "she flies, we shoot" variety and Fett just has to scream because the speeder thing to catch Maul was one thing, but this....

Ahsoka, before TCW: I know all the traffic rules but I'm not that great at flying! Ahsoka, after TCW: I'm great at flying but if you let me behind the wheel we are absolutely getting arrested.

She went from "knows the rules but doesn't have the skills" to "has the skills but primarily in the form of not getting shot" which! Is delightful! "Bet I can get us through that alley--" "DO NOT"

Jango and Ahsoka are both just very "Is this friendship? Is this camaraderie? My heart's been fried on platonic love by so many murders that I'm not sure anymore." "I've lost a lot of friends. I kind of forgot how to make those."

I have no idea if "hasn't been closer than Alderaan except that one trip to Chandrila" is canon-compliant but ehhhhhhhh It feels plausible enough?

Belatedly realized that I could just explain my optimal Rex&Ahsoka dynamic as just... drift compatible. It's vague enough on the specifics while still digging into the meat of what they mean to each other and how they work together. The terminology is already in existence. I can just use it.

Romantic? Platonic? Familial? Doesn't matter! They're drift compatible.

They are important to each other and that is what matters

I really like the Leia&Quinlan thing. He's just like "This small child needs a friend that isn't super depressed," and decided he's going to be her friend. I keep trying to toss in "Quinlan volunteers to 'baby'sit." She's not much older and she has a Baby Brain, it works out

There's a running bet as to whether Leia will leave the Order the second she turns thirteen, or if she'll let Sokari "train" her for a few years first. And... that’s how I came up with Leia Antilles, Senator of Serenno.

They'll be bullshitting Ben as her new master to "finish out the padawanship" since they can't tell everyone she's really in her thirties and he's conveniently there and already knows everything and was half her master anyway. Like Ben was planning on taking on Luke, but Luke is "six" and even he can't swing that as old enough to be a Padawan, and it's not like Sokari will take more than a handful of years to justify knighthood, sooooooooo

[lovewriting-5]

Until Dawn

Chapter 1

Chapter 2, part 1

Chapter 2, part 2

We walk down the stairs and Ashley and Chris were already in the living room by the fire. “Well...well, what took the two of you so long?” Chris asks. I had a hard time keeping a straight face. It felt good to be close with Josh again after a few days.

The four of us were talking about how cold it was in the lodge. The heat had to get turned on. I tell Josh “The fire is nice but it would be great if the heat was on.” I wrap my arms around myself for warmth. He wraps his arms around me to help. He says “Come on...”

Chris, Ashley and I were betting how long it would take him to get it started. Chris asks “How long do you think it’ll take him?” To be nice, I bet “An hour.” Ashley says “My money’s on blankets for everyone!” Chris tells him “You can do it, man. We believe in you.” She says “Yeah! Totally! Woo!” I do a chant “Let’s go Jo-osh, let’s go!” His arms tighten around me. I laugh.

There was the sound of footsteps moving around upstairs. Josh removes his arms. He tells all three of us, “Alright, peanut gallery, you know what? I got an idea.” I ask, suspiciously “What?” He continues “Okay well I am pretty sure that somewhere in this crazy place we used to have...a spirit board.” Ashley asks “A what?”

Sarcastically, Chris asks “Wow you have a ‘spirit board’?” I ask him, concerned “Wait are you saying...we should have a séance?” Still joking, Chris says “Those things are a joke, man. They don’t do shit.” Josh says with a little difficulty, “No way bro. We used to do it all the time. Me and...well...” This isn’t a good idea.

The footsteps reach the bottom. I turn and say “Hey Sam.” As she gets closer to us, she says “Hi. Hey Josh. No hot water’s kinda major oversight doncha think?” He tells her “Yeah yeah, just gotta fire up the boiler. It’s in the basement.” Turns back to Chris and Ashley, “You guys see if you can find the spirit board.”

Ashley gets up from the ottoman, “Chris, let’s go find it! It’ll be like a scavenger hunt!” Hesitantly, he says “Ummm...okay...guess so.” Josh says “Rad. You’re not gonna regret it.” The two of them leave.

Josh asks me “You up for a ride-along?” Nervously, I say “Sure.” I turn to Sam, “Sam, do you want to help us?” She looks behind me, “Uhhh...no, you two go for it. I’ll wait up here.”

We make our way to the direction of the basement. He pauses and says, mischievously “Hey. You notice how I gave Chris and Ashley a mission together? Yeah I was thinking they could use some ‘alone time.’” Supportively, I say “They are very sweet together. I wish they’d just freakin’ get on with it already.” A little too enthused, he says “I swear they just need like...something to bond over, y’know? Some sort of traumatic event to send them into each other’s arms.”

He opens a drawer and takes out a flashlight. I open the door that leads to the basement. Standing by the doorframe, it takes Josh a few minutes. He says “You know...” I ask “Yes?” He begins “I just wanted to say...” I ask “What?” Thoughtfully, he tells me “It really means a lot to me that everyone came back this year and you know, that you came.”

I smile, “Josh. I care about you and glad to hear you are doing a little better. We’re here for you. Really. Whatever you need. Whenever. We’re all gonna make it through this...together.” I give him a kiss on the cheek. He says with a sort of devilish smile, “Um...I want us to have a good time, you know...”

We continue down the stairs of the basement. Knowing that the stairs are crumbling a little, he tells me “Watch your step.” Jokingly, I tell him “I think I can handle a little old set of stairs.” Sarcastically, he says “Uh-huh.”

I follow him to the boiler cabinet. As he opens the cabinet, he says “Sorry to drag you down into the bowels.” I say “It’s fine. Like I said the fire is nice but some heat and hot water would be nice.” He says “I mean I wouldn’t want you coming down here on your own, you know?” Jokingly, I say “Such a gentleman.”

Looking around at the dark basement with a ton of boxes and the only other light is coming from the small windows. I tell him “Well it’s definitely creepy down here.” He says “Yep. Not a place to be on your own.”

He hands me the flashlight, “Here, can you...can you hold this steady?” There was a noise in the distance. I turn around to see where it came from. Now I’m starting to get a little freaked out.

I tighten my grip on the flashlight. I ask a little freaked out, “Josh...what was that?” Not believing, he says “What was what? Just shine it here so I can see what I’m doing.” I say “Fine.”

There was another sound, I turned to see where it came from. Josh says from the boiler cabinet, “(Y/N)...Can you just keep the light still so I can see, okay?”

This time I finally held the flashlight steady. He got everything hooked up. He stands up and smiles, “Nice one. Okay first things first: we gotta increase the water pressure before we get the boiler fired up.” I look at the machine, “Sounds kinda complicated.” Reassuringly, he tells me “No, it’s actually pretty simple.”

I turn the knob, waited and saw the light turn on. I pushed the button but apparently it didn’t work, “Damn!” He says “It’s okay, just try again.” I tried again but missed it, “Ugh!” He tells me “Relax...It’s not that hard. Just press the button when the light comes on.” I take a deep breath and let it out. I try again and got it.

The boiler fired up. Proud of myself, I say “Whoa!!” Josh was pretty proud too, “That’s more like it. Alright! Five, girl!” He holds up his hand and I slap it. I excitedly, say “Yeah!” He closes the boiler cabinet and locks it.

Curiosity hits me, I ask “Josh...so upstairs when I asked Sam if she would like to help...Did you tell her not to join us?” He gets a shocked expression, “What? No...why would I do that?” I tell him as I step a little closer, “Are you sure? Because I swear Sam looked behind me to see if she should.” Looking a little guilty, he begins “Well....I might -“

In the dark, damp basement there was another noise. I turn in the direction that I think it’s coming from, “What the hell is that?” I back a little closer to him. He says, jokingly “Could be a lot of things...and none of them nice...” as he wiggles his finger on my arm. I push it away, “Hey, quit it.”

He says with a chuckle “I’m just...just ‘Joshing’ ya.” “Har har.” I tell him. Trying to point it out, he says “You were really freaked out.”

Shaking my head in protest, “I was not scared.” With a sly grin, he says as he looks me up and down “No, no, you just jumped because you wanted to squeeze in some aerobics?” I roll my eyes.

After a few years of hanging out with the Washington family, I have picked up on some acting skills. I put on a terrified look and look behind him. I look from him to behind, “Oh my God - - don’t move - -“ Sounding a little concerned, he asks “What?” Sounding more terrified, I tell him “There’s something behind you.” Trying to sound brave, he says “Yeah right.”

Really wanting to get him, I continue “Josh...Seriously. There’s something back there...” He turns and looks over his shoulder. I tell him, very satisfied “Ha...Got - -ch - -ah.” Putting an arm around my waist as he pulls me closer, “Alright. Alright. Your point.” I wrap my arms around the back of his neck, “Thirty - - Love.” Josh raises an eyebrow, “What? No...Where’d you get the first point?” I ask “It doesn’t start at thirty?” He says “No. Fifteen.” I say, confidently “Oh. Well, I’m more of a ping-pong gal.” As I get the last sentence out, he kisses me.

The two of us probably would have stayed down there for awhile, if the sound didn’t happen again. We pull away. Really? I was just starting to get used to being down here.

Catching my breath, I ask “Okay, so you hear that too, right?” I look at Josh, “Josh?” He removes his arm and moves in front of me. He asks “What?” Starting to get freaked out again, “The rhythm’s like, weirdly regular...” We walk a little closer to the sound. He says “Not...No...Nothing ‘regular’ about it...”

As we walk closer to it, I place my right hand on his arm and my left hand in his right. His hand grip tightens. I ask “Maybe we should, you know, check it out?” He asks “Why?” Not really knowing what to say, I tell him “I dunno, what if it’s like, a pipe that’s about to burst or some problem with the furnace?” He tells me “Unlikely.” I say to convince him, “If it were me I wouldn’t want this place to burn down on my watch.” He pauses and then says “...Yeah. Right.”

As we venture farther into the basement, all of a sudden, a figure in a brown robe and hockey mask jumps out. Josh and I scream and run for our lives. Josh in front, says “Whoa - (Y/N) - whoa.” Along the path, I grab an obstacle and pull it down. The figure is blocked. Josh and I make it up the stairs and I try to open the door. I am struggling to get it open. The figure is getting closer.

I am throwing all my weight against this door, “Oh come ON now why are these doors locked?!” In a panic, Josh says “To...To keep out strangers!!”

I feel Josh get closer. The figure stops right in front of us, “Hey...” Confused, I ask “...What?” The figure says, again “Heeyyyyyy...” Still confused, I ask “...WHAT THE HELL?!”

The figure removes the mask and hood. He revealed himself as Chris. Thinking it is funny, Chris says “Boom! You just got monked!” I can feel anger starting to rise, “WHAT!!!” Josh says, proudly “Nice. Nice one. That was good.” First to Josh and then to Chris, I ask “No it was not. Why w...Why would you do that?”

Holding his arm out, Chris says “There’s all this cool old movie crap down here. What, was I...was I not supposed to take advantage of the opportunity?” To Chris, I ask “Are you...are you serious?” I turn to Josh and push him a little, “Were you in on this, you putz?” As he gives Chris a high-five, he says “Nope. But I wish I was! That was too good!” I tell him “Don’t high-five that.”

The three of us get back to the main part of the lodge. After calming down a little, I tell them “I’m ready to admit that your dumb little prank may have had a slight whiff of humor to it.” Chris says “Jokemaster!” I tell him to make myself clear, “I said nothing about jokes. I said your prank, which was dumb -“ Chris begins ascending the stairs. Josh walks over to the table to set the flashlight down. I wait at the bottom of the steps with my arms crossed for him.

Josh jokingly, says “Holy crap you were scared. Admit it.” Sternly, I tell him “I was not!” I begin ascending the stairs. Not giving up, he says “Come on, you totally pissed yourself!” Done with the joke, I say “Josh!”

We joined the others upstairs. I go and stand near the fireplace. Josh places his arms around my waist and places a kiss on my right temple. I whisper, trying to hide a smile “I hate you.” Knowing I can’t stay mad at him long, he whispers “No, you don’t.” I lay my cheek on his arm. Ashley walks over to Chris and notices his outfit of choice. She asks in disgust, “What...in god’s name...are you wearing?” Playing along, Chris tells her “I found my true calling.” He makes the sign of the cross in the air. Putting her hands in a praying motion, she tells him, sarcastically “Please tell me you’re going to take a vow of silence.”

Chris moves his mouth without sound. To make him quit the charade, I ask “Okay okay...Did you at least find the thingy?” Chris looks at me and pulls a board out of his robe, “Boi - oi - oi - oing! Here’s our one way ticket to the spirit realm!” Ashley says “Hmmm.”

Josh tells Sam “Sam, we got the boiler up and running. So the hot water should be working.” Grateful, she says “Thank you. I see a hot bath in my crystal ball. So have fun!”

[firelxdykatara]

I’m just really confused as to where this idea that Zuko is gaycoded came from. Like people are allowed to have that headcanon but I don’t understand where people are coming from when they try and claim that he was undisputedly gaycoded and trying to deny it is homophobic when he’s only ever shown romantic interest in women.

I made a pretty long post on the topic a while back, but the ultimate gist of it is this: there are a lot of elements of Zuko's status as an abuse victim and trauma survivor that resonate with queer folks. This is understandable and completely fine! However, there are some parts of the fandom who have taken that to the other extreme and will now insist that those elements are uniquely queer, and that they can only be read as some sort of veiled gay/coming out narrative, even though that doesn't make much sense since there is no part of Zuko's narrative which is unique to any sort of queer experience.

I think the problem really does stem from two things being conflated--Zuko's history of abuse and trauma, and trauma&abuse being something a lot of queer people have experienced. I suspect it goes something like 'I see a lot of myself in Zuko, and I was abused for being gay, therefore Zuko must be gay too in order to have had similar experiences.' This can then lead to feeling dismissed or invalidated when other people point out that those experiences are not unique to being queer--but on the flip side, abuse victims and trauma survivors whose abuse&trauma do not stem from queerness (even if they are queer themselves) can feel invalidated and dismissed by the implication that their trauma must be connected to their queerness or it isn't valid.

This is also where the 'people don't actually know what gay coded means' part comes in, and I realize now that I didn't actually get into what gay coding (and queer coding in general) actually means, since I was so hung up on pointing out how Zuko doesn't really fit the mold. (And the few elements that exist which could be said to count are because of the 'villains historically get queer coded bc Hays Code era' thing and mostly occur in Book 1, not because of how he acts as an abuse&trauma survivor.)

Under a cut because I kind of go on a tangent about gay/queer coding, but I swear I get back to the point eventually.

Queer coding (and it is notable that, with respect to Zuko, it is almost always framed as 'he couldn't possibly be attracted to girls', rather than 'he could be attracted to boys as well as girls' in these discussions, for... no real discernible reason, but I'll get into that in a bit) is the practice of giving characters 'stereotypically queer' traits and characteristics to 'slide them under the radar' in an era where having explicitly queer characters on screen was not allowed, unless they were evil or otherwise narratively punished for their queerness. (See: the extant history of villains being queer-coded, because if they were Evil then it was ok to make them 'look gay', since the story wasn't going to be rewarding their queerness and making audiences think it was in any way OK.) This is thanks to the Motion Picture Production Code (colloquially and more popularly known as the Hays Code), which was a set of guidelines which movies coming out of any major studio had to adhere to in order to be slated for public release and lasted from the early 1930s until it was finally abandoned in the late 60s.

The Hays Code essentially existed to ensure that the content of major motion pictures would not 'lower the moral standards' of the viewing public. It didn't just have to do with queerness--cursing was heavily monitored, sex outside of marriage was not allowed to be seen as desirable or tittilating, miscegenation was not allowed (most specifically interracial relationships between black and white people), criminals had to be punished lest the audience think that it was ok to be gay and do crime, etc. Since same-sex relations fell under 'sexual perversion', they could not be shown unless the 'perversion' were punished in some way. (This is also the origin of the Bury Your Gays trope, another term that is widely misunderstood and misapplied today.) To get around this, queer coding became the practice by which movies and television could depict queer people but not really, and it also became customary to give villains this coding even more overtly, since they would get punished by the end of the film or series anyway and there was nothing to lose by making them flamboyant and racy/overly sexual/promiscuous.

Over time, this practice of making villains flamboyant, sexually aggressive, &etc became somewhat separated from its origins in queer coding, by which I mean that these traits and tropes became the go-to for villains even when the creator had no real intention of making them seem queer. This is how you generally get unintentional queer-coding--because these traits that have been given to villains for decades have roots in coding, but people tend to go right to them when it comes to creating their villains without considering where they came from.

Even after the Hays Code was abandoned, the sentiments and practices remained. Having queer characters who weren't punished by the narrative for being queer was exceptionally rare, and it really isn't until the last fifteen or so years that we've seen any pushback against that. Buffy the Vampire Slayer is famous for being one of the first shows on primetime television to feature an explicitly gay relationship on-screen, and that relationship ended in one of the most painful instances of Bury Your Gays that I have ever personally witnessed. (Something that, fourteen years later, The 100 would visually and textually reference with Lexa's death. Getting hit by a bullet intended for someone else after a night of finally getting to be happy and have sex with her s/o? It wasn't remotely subtle. I don't even like Clexa, but that was incredibly rough to witness.)

However, bringing this back to Zuko, he really doesn't fit the criteria for queer coding for a number of reasons. First of all, no one behind the scenes (mostly a bunch of cishet men) was at all intending to include queer rep in the show. This wasn't a case where they were like 'well, we really wanted to make Zuko gay, but we couldn't get that past the censors, so here are a few winks and a nudge', because it just wasn't on their radar at all. Which makes sense--it wasn't on most radars in that era of children's programming. This isn't really an indictment, it's just a fact of the time--in the mid/late 00s, no one was really thinking about putting queer characters in children's cartoons. People were barely beginning to include them in more teen- and adult-oriented television and movies. It just wasn't something that a couple of straight men, who were creating a fantasy series aimed at young kids, were going to think about.

What few instances you can point to from the series where Zuko might be considered to exhibit coding largely happen in Book 1, when he was a villain, because the writers were drawing from typically villainous traits that had historically come from queer coding villains and had since passed into common usage as villainous traits. But they weren't done with any intention of making it seem like Zuko might be attracted to boys.

And, again, what people actually point to as 'evidence' of Zuko being queer-coded--his awkwardness on his date with Jin and his confrontation with Ozai being the big ones I can think of off the top of my head--are actually just... traits that come from his history of trauma and abuse.

As I said in that old post:

making [zuko’s confrontation of ozai] about zuko being gay and rejecting ozai’s homophobia, rather than zuko learning fundamental truths about the world and about his home and about how there was something deeply wrong with his nation that needed to be fixed in order for the world to heal (and, no, ‘homophobia’ is not the answer to ‘what is wrong with the fire nation’, i’m still fucking pissed at bryke about that), misses the entire point of his character arc. this is the culmination of zuko realizing that he should never have had to earn his father’s love, because that should have been unconditional from the start. this is zuko realizing that he was not at fault for his father’s abuse--that speaking out of turn in a war meeting in no way justified fighting a duel with a child.

is that first realization (that a parent’s love should be unconditional, and if it isn’t, then that is the parent’s fault and not the child’s) something that queer kids in homophobic households/families can relate to? of course it is. but it’s also something that every other abused kid, straight kids and even queer kids who were abused for other reasons before they even knew they were anything other than cishet, can relate to as well. in that respect, it is not a uniquely queer experience, nor is it a uniquely queer story, and zuko not being attracted to girls (which is what a lot of it seems to boil down to, at the end of the day--cutting down zuko’s potential ships so that only zukka and a few far more niche ships are left standing) is not necessary to his character arc. nor does it particularly make sense.

And, regarding his date with Jin:

(and before anyone brings up his date with jin--a) he enjoyed it when she kissed him, and b) he was a traumatized, abused child going out on a first date. of course he was fucking awkward. have you ever met a teenage boy????)

Zuko is socially awkward and maladjusted because he was abused by his father as a child and has trouble relating to people as a result. He was heavily traumatized and brutally physically injured as a teenager, and it took him years to begin to truly recover from the scars that left on his psyche (and it's highly likely, despite the strides he made in canon, that he has a long way to go, post series; it's such a pity that we never got any continuation comics >.>). He was not abused for being gay or queer--he was abused because his father believed he was weak, and part of Zuko's journey was realizing that his father's perception of strength was flawed at its core. That his entire nation had rotted from the inside out, and the regime needed to be changed in order for the world--including his people--to begin to heal.

That could be commingled with a coming out narrative, which is completely fine for headcanons (although I personally prefer not to, because, again, we have more than enough queer trauma already), but it simply doesn't exist in canon. Zuko was not abused or traumatized for being queer, and his confrontation with Ozai was not about him coming out or realizing any fundamental truth about himself--it was about realizing something fundamental about his father and his nation, and making the choice to leave them behind so that he could help the Avatar grow stronger and force things to change when he got back.

TL;DR: at the end of the day, none of the traits, scenes, or behavior Zuko exhibits which shippers tend to use to claim he was gay-coded are actually evidence of coding--they aren't uniquely queer experiences, as they stem from abuse that was not related in any way to his sexuality, and they are experiences that any kid who suffered similar abuse or trauma could recognize and resonate with. (Including straight kids, and queer kids who were abused for any reason other than their identity.) And, finally, Zuko can be queer without erasing or invalidating his canon attraction to girls, and it's endlessly frustrating that the 'Zuko is gay-coded' crowd refuses to acknowledge that.