#like my heart is swelling with pride and joy rn

[pinescent-and-gingerbread]

🥲*sniffles* i’ve officially caught up on all your writing. this is a bitter sweet experience. i cried, i screamed, i creamed. it was beautiful but damn i need more😤😔 thank you for being the reason i stay up way too late on a weeknight 💞😘 may your pillow be cold 💋

EEEEEH!!! You!! Jesi!!! Thank you SO MUCH for the amount of love you've been giving to my blog lately! You don't know how much it means to me when I get notifications of you reading every single one of my fics, lmao! It was as if I could trace you with a GPS signal on my blog and it was honestly so fun and made me so happy.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm very glad my work has entertained and interested you that much.

Have the sweetest of days!!

-Pine 🌱

[sweetkpopmusings]

vernon best friend headcanons <3

a/n: i love vernon so much platonically (and non-platonically) and i needed some serotonin at 2 am so here we are :,-) also pics not mine ofc!

content: fluff | wc: 0.8k | warnings: none! | pairing: bestfriend!vernon x gn!reader | requests: open

definitely the ride-or-die type of best friend

it doesn’t matter if you met when you were younger or as adults — once he knew how much you two clicked, he became one of your most loyal and loving supporters

but i think he shows it in the silliest ways

like you tell him a bad joke, and, when you look at him for a reaction, he says “shutup, stupid” but with the softest smile on his face

he will NOT give in by laughing but you know he loves it

he is such a silly little guy himself

so y’all are frequently doing dumb shit together

not just the texting only in memes (which happens frequently since you both have developed a shared collection of reaction pics/gifs)

but you’ll both just be talking and suddenly you’re acting out this whole bit you came up with on the spot about a shirt that’s made of the shamwow

even if you don’t think of yourself as a funny person, you become a comedic genius in the presence of vernon

jokes aside, your friendship is a source of calm

he’s the type of friend you turn to for solace on your most stressful days 

even if he sometimes doesn’t know how to properly react (homeboy froze up the first time he saw you cry but he only got awkward because he felt so sad seeing you so sad :-( what a sweet angel) he ALWAYS makes you feel comforted 

and he’s always willing to learn more about what you need in terms of support because he always wants to be the best friend he can be ! 

it goes the same for you too — while it takes a lot for him to get vulnerable, when he builds that trust with you, you cherish it by gaining the tools needed to support him

and he’s so grateful for it like his heart swells with joy whenever he leans on you in hard times because he’s so lucky to have you as a rock 

speaking of rock

“black eye” is the proof i needed for my argument that vernon is in his angsty / emo / pop punk phase

so he’s totally the bestie who will jam out to pop punk with you (if you’re into it! i’m very into it and i would give everything i have to listen to neck deep with vernon like i'm being so serious rn)

in fact, he is the bestie who will jam out with you to your favorite music any time anywhere

he LOVES collaborative playlists that you two make together

and yes these sometimes become super niche and specific 

but whether you’re listening to your “top shower songs” playlist or your “standing in the back corner of a gas station deciding on which drink to buy so you can use their bathroom” playlist, this is one of vernon’s best ways to appreciate and celebrate your friendship

he thinks the best way to know each other is through sharing music and all the other things you like/enjoy, and that’s how you learned a lot about each other in the beginning of your friendship 

you of course meet the rest of seventeen and vernon has so much pride every time one of the members comments on how cool/funny/smart/etc you are

because he’s like YEAH that’s MY best friend right there!!!!!!!!

will be so down to take cool af photos of you 

even if he needs some coaching on what your best angles / preferred poses are he is taking down copious notes so he can nail it every time 

i can’t believe how long this is getting jfc i guess i really want vernon to be my buddy

he loves to just vibe with you

since you two are on the same wavelength most of the time, he thinks it’s the most fun to get food and chill at home watching movies, tv, or youtube together

like whatever you’re in the mood for you’ll do and it’ll be a great time because you’re together 

he also strikes me as the type of best friend who likes being friends with your other friends 

he doesn’t need to be super close with them, but he wants to make sure you are able to have him in a group setting too because he knows your other friends are important to you 

i think he also loves mimicking you

like if you say something he thinks is interesting/funny he will immediately repeat it 

whenever he tells stories that involve you, he impersonates you perfectly (this is also true when he is telling a story about you to you)

it’s just another way he shows how much he pays attention to you and loves you

overall he’s such a fun guy to be around and whenever you’re together it’s carefree and comfortable and secure 

he is ALWAYS by your side because he knows you’ll do the same for him

and he is ALWAYS ready to make fun of you for the same reason 

someone please give me a vernon tysm 

[blues824]

could you do the obey me brothers with a mc who hasnt celebrated christmas for a long time so they completely brushed it off, but end up really excited and kind of teary eyed at seeing all the brothers celebrating with them?

sorry if this is worded in a confusing way, my brain is scrambled rn💀

Don’t even worry, fam. We all got those days. If I don’t get another request from you, then I wish you a Merry Christmas!

Lucifer

He knows all about Christmas and how it’s a big deal  in the human world. He’s seen the huge Christmas Tree in Time Square (bro I wish). He’s witnessed all the traditions for it as well. What he’s surprised about is that you don’t give it any thought.

So what does he do? He asks you about it, of course! You explain that you haven’t really celebrated it in a while, so you just treated it like any other winter day. You didn’t give it much thought, but Lucifer was scheming and planning.

He got Diavolo, Barbatos, Solomon, Simeon, Luke, Mephistopheles, Thirteen, Raphael, and his brothers on board. They were all going to surprise you with a Christmas party. They all agreed that you deserved it with all your hard work, after all.

So they all got to work. The oldest brother was impressed with everyone’s cooperation on this project, but he wasn’t gonna question or complain. He was the one that kept you out of the house all day as the others set the surprise up. He treated you to a nice lunch

When you came back, he opened the door for you. Upon that happening, you were attacked with the smell of gingerbread and peppermint. The house was completely decked out in decorations. Lucifer could feel his heart swell with pride as he heard you gasp out of pure shock and amazement, tears of joy leaking from your gorgeous eyes.

You went to hug the living daylights out of everyone. When everyone explained that it was your beloved Avatar of Pride’s idea to surprise you, you ran into his arms and pulled him into a kiss. Solomon used some magic to levitate some mistletoe over the both of you, and Asmo got the money shot. It would be a Christmas you could never forget.

Mammon

He has seen it all over Devilgram. Everyone was getting holiday pictures of their significant other or their families, and he can’t say that he wasn’t at least a tad bit jealous. Then he realized: you didn’t show any hype towards the holiday.

As a result, he decides that he’s gonna go out and buy you a bunch of presents. Whether you aren’t as enthusiastic or just had a bad experience, he’s gonna try and make this Christmas one you will remember forever.

He asks all of his brothers to get you to partake in typical Christmas activities. Sure, he wishes he was the one to build the gingerbread houses or help decorate the tree, but he put in the special request that he be the one to pick you up so you could put the star on the tree.

He had Asmo sending him half-hour updates on how you were doing. He grew a bit worried when he was receiving the messages that you looked a bit more downcast than usual. He knew that he had to hurry to get back to you.

Once he gets back to the HoL, he texts you and tells you to come outside. Once you open the door, you are met with your Avatar of Greed. He has the smuggest grin as he gives you some bags from a variety of different stores. You set them down and jumped into his arms, giving him a kiss.

While still carrying you, he marches you over to the tree, where he has to put you down and turn you around so that you are also facing the evergreen fir. He hands you the star, and he picks you up. You hold the tree in place as you put the star on the tree, where he looks up and sees that tears are streaming down your face and you are smiling.

Leviathan

Devilgram, Deviltube, even his freaking Email was flooded with Christmas deals on anime merchandise. He already bought the both of you a bunch of gifts, but he still felt as if something was missing. He realized that while he did buy you stuff, nothing was unique.

So he got to work. Night and day, he was working on his most precious and valuable present for you. You see, it was a romance simulator where you and he were the main love interests. There was only one ending, the ending where you both get so far in the relationship that he gets down on one knee on Christmas.

However, he knew that it would take you a while to get to that point. What he forgot about was that while he was working on this, he was neglecting you. You, as a result, grew sadder and sadder.

Once he deems it finished, he texts you to come to his room. When he sees that you were upset because of him, he feels horrible. On the plus side, he got you merch and made you a game that you should play… like right now.

He will have you sitting on his lap while you play. Please don’t look at his face, otherwise his already red face will become even redder. He loves seeing your surprise at the insane graphics and the great storyline.

He gets worried when tears start to fall out of your eyes. He asks you if you don’t like the gifts, but then you wrap your arms around his neck and give him a very long kiss. It took him a few minutes to actually reciprocate, but he was happy with this unexpected outcome.

Satan

Has most definitely read classic novels that detail family holiday celebrations, and most definitely wants to recreate the most romantic ones with you. He most definitely takes you out and gets a scope of the area.

He took you ice skating, which was quite the experience. You see, depending on your level of experience you both either danced on the rink with each other or he had your hands in his, leading you while also keeping you stable.

At one book store you both entered, the owner had put a branch of mistletoe over the door post. You and Satan both looked up and you gave him a quick peck on the cheek. He made sure to close the door behind you. 

What you didn’t know is that he knew what he was doing. Asmodeus was following you both, making sure to get the best pictures he could of the two of you in the moment rather than pausing it to preserve a smiling picture.

His plan was to get the film developed and make you a picture book that he has written, where under each picture, there was a reason why he loved you. 31 reasons, to be exact. For each of the days of December.

When he gave it to you at the end of the day on a bench, he grew a bit worried when he saw tears falling from your eyes. Then you grabbed him by his collar and pulled him into a passionate kiss. He was more than willing to continue, but considering you were out in public, he pulled away after a few seconds. You laid your head on his shoulder and you both just basked in each other’s company.

Asmodeus

He would take you to those places that have the Christmas themed photo backgrounds and take a whole bunch of pictures to post on his Devilgram. He even just sneaks some in-the-moment pictures to keep for himself. His camera roll is filled with photos of you.

Then he took you on a shopping spree. A lot of the shelves were empty because of other demons taking advantage of the Christmas discounts, but Asmo had already purchased all of your Christmas gifts. One of the cashiers had told you that you both make a cute couple.

You both made many memories that day. You spent it laughing and loving, and that’s how Asmo prefers it. So when you say that you haven’t celebrated Christmas in a long time, he was astonished. He’s a party animal, so he had the Shocked Pickachu face.

Once you both went back to the House of Lamentation, he sat you down in the living room and went to his room to retrieve your gifts from under his bed. He got you a lot of stuff that he wrapped in very fancy and elegant wrapping paper. But he knew which one he would give you first.

Going back to the living room, he placed the item in your lap. It was a teddy bear that was holding a heart, with ‘I love you, Y/N’ stitched into it. It was a simple gift, but to know that he went through the trouble of stitching the message…

He grew panicked when he saw the tears falling. However, every ounce of fear that he felt was washed away when you pulled him into a big hug. You uttered a small thank you through sniffles and he understood that they were tears of joy.

Beelzebub

Would love to spend the day in the kitchen with you. Have you ever heard the phrase, “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”? Well, this is proved true with this guy. He would watch you bake cookies and would help you decorate them.

Whenever he looks at you, he has hearts in his eyes. He’s just so down bad for you. He also loves when you smile, so he’ll swipe some icing on your nose. That starts an icing war between the two of you, which ends up in the two of you spending 30 minutes cleaning.

When you both went to the living room to relax, he pulled you close to him and started cuddling the heck out of you. As you were cuddling, you both conversed about how you both celebrated the holidays in years past. 

He was a bit shocked when you say you didn’t really celebrate for a long time. He then remembered that you said it in passing a little bit ago. He also remembered that he got you a couple of gifts while he was out eating, so he carried you to his room.

There, he handed you your presents one by one. They weren’t anything big, but they were sentimentally valuable. First was a pair of matching bracelets so that you’re always connected somehow. Next was a bunch of snacks he purchased. As he handed you the presents, he noticed that your hand started to shake.

He looked into your face and saw that you were on the verge of crying. He was about to ask what was wrong before you placed your hands on the sides of his face and pulled him into a kiss. He was taken by surprise, to say the least, but melted into it after a second.

Belphegor

Doesn’t want to go anywhere. He would rather sleep the day away with you. However, humans need food so he walks to the kitchen with you. Like Beel, he would watch as you made some Christmas themed meal for the both of you.

Before, he never knew how Lilith could love such a weak being. However, he changed. Now he’s staring at you with a lovesick gaze and grin, thanking the stars for letting him be this lucky. He walked up behind you and wrapped his arms around your torso, grateful to have you in his life.

You lean back in his grasp, and you both are just talking about anything and everything that came to mind in the moment. Every few seconds, you turn your head and give him a kiss. If anyone walked in, they would walk out so as to not disturb this moment.

When you say that it’s been a while since you’ve celebrated the holiday season, he has a subtle smirk. You see, he already knows because he’s heard you say it before. He’s prepared for this months in advance. 

He had a little space on a hill all set up for a picnic under the stars. He had little fairy lights wrapped around the trees to give off a fair amount of light. But he grew panicked when you started crying but you just pulled him into a tight embrace, whispering a small thank you.

[haezen]

Hi can I request a streamer!nagi seishiro x reader hcs please.

of course you can! i was so excited to see someone request nagi!! ty for sending this in <3

this is my first time doing headcanons!

if you guys like this one, please challenge me and send me more requests :3

i’m also working on a few stories rn, so please look forward to them!

streamer!nagi who is a popular twitch variety streamer. he prefers to stream competitive games with his best friend, reo, who also happens to stream. they play together all the time and their chats love their bestfriend dynamic. 

but chat’s favorite type of stream is when nagi streams with you: his significant other.

 streamer!nagi, who usually only plays competitive games, plays games more suitable to your tastes when you come to play on his stream. 

he’ll let you sit in his chair so you can be comfortable. sometimes, you’ll make him sit on your lap because you think it’s hilarious. chat also finds it quite funny to see someone as big as nagi sit on the lap of his significantly smaller partner. you’d wrap your arms around him to reach the keyboard and you’d just barely reach to rest your chin on his shoulder. he shyly admits after the first few times that he happens to love sitting on your lap. even though, realistically, it makes more sense if you sat on his lap instead.

he would never say it aloud, because it just isn’t him to say such sappy things, but these are the moments that he holds most dear to his heart. seeing your excitement and joy while playing with him makes his heart swell with pride.

 you also love interacting with his viewers —  you go even as far to tease him in front of everybody! 

but if it’s you, then he supposes it doesn’t matter what humiliating things you can come up with to embarrass him. hearing your sweet giggles, seeing your bright smile, and watching as your eyes light up in amusement is all he could ever wish for.

streamer!nagi who isn’t afraid to post about you and your relationship. he loves to show you off, especially because he wants everyone to see his beautiful significant other. you are his best accomplishment after all. he loves to rub it in his friend’s faces; they’re still shocked that nagi started dating before them.

streamer!nagi who’s still clingy even when he’s streaming. if you aren’t by his side, then he’ll text you throughout stream. he’ll keep checking his phone to ensure you hadn’t responded while he was distracted. nagi will smile at his phone unapologetically if you happen to text him something sweet or funny. 

and of course, chat already knows how in love he is with you! so, they’re quick to notice what’s going on.

‘who’s he texting?!’ ‘omg he’s so whipped ahah’ ‘LUL it must be (name)’

streamer!nagi who’s clumsy and forgetful. there have been multiple instances where he thought he already ended stream or he was positive his camera was off. then, you’ll end up kissing him or sitting in his lap, thinking the two of you are sharing an intimate moment; but really, due to your boyfriend’s carelessness, everyone is still watching ! it’ll take a sound alert from someone donating or subscribing for the two of you to realize — it’s super easy to get lost in your own world when you’re with nagi!

streamer!nagi who stands up for you without a second thought when the occasional hate message pops up. he’s quick to diffuse the situation and he’s even quicker to defend your honor. he’ll do anything to protect you, even if that puts him in a difficult position. 

you are his #1 priority and your boyfriend will always make sure you remember that.

[fulldiarywords]

Worth the Thought

The dull, thudding dread in your stomach had started around half past three when your phone started buzzing - the monthly reminder from the cycle tracker app that your period should be starting any minute. 

It hadn’t. Yet. 

You swiped ignore on the notification and flipped the phone over on your desk, hoping that if you just concentrated on the spreadsheet in front of you, you’d be able to ignore the creeping anxiety about the fact that Auntie Flo usually arrived on time like clockwork.  Maybe it was just a day or two late.

But you couldn’t shake off the thought that maybe it wasn’t. And the computer screen was getting blurrier and blurrier by the minute and the sound of the clock on the wall opposite your chair was ticking louder and louder.  Your fingers felt like lead everytime you added a new sum to the column you were currently adding up. 

After about thirty minutes of a half hearted attempt of continuing the work day, you clicked the log out button on the desktop screen. 

“Hey, Claire?”, you asked, peering over the divider at your coworker. 

“Yeah??” She didn’t look up from her computer screen.

“I’m not feeling too well all the sudden. Gonna head out a bit early, I think.”

She stopped typing and met your gaze - “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.  Go ahead, doll. We’ll sort out these figures tomorrow.” 

You nodded your head in appreciation and gathered your things, cramming them into the oversized striped tote that George had given you a few Christmases ago. He reasoned that you loved stripes so it made sense that you should have something striped to carry around everyday - he seemed to always be insufferably cute in his logic of gift giving.  

The phone was the last thing you picked up - a new message notification from George seemed to be screaming out from the bright screen. 

So glad that you’ll be there tonight. 

“Shit.” You muttered it under your breath and hitched the bag on your shoulder. 

Geebs, I’m not feeling too well. Not sure if I can make it. 

It had taken him a while to gather the courage to ask you to accompany him to what he called “work functions”. You weren’t promoting anything, he had explained, so you didn’t need to be subjected to the endless barrage of flashbulbs and oddly boring questions from journalists. He would understand if you wanted to stay at home and keep everything private. But you didn’t mind. George always came to every office party or dinner, even the annual Christmas do that Claire tended to get too drunk at and cry to him about her apparently never ending singledom. Besides, you loved the way George swelled up with pride when he spoke about his experience working on a film - how much he loved creating something new. 

What’s up? 

Nothing serious. Just don’t feel too hot. Heading home early rn. 

I can ring Donna and see if I can get out of this thing. 

Don’t. Isn’t it a BAFTA party? 

Yea. That doesn’t matter tho. Been to enough at this point, tbh. 

Don’t be silly. I’m fine. Prob ate something bit odd at lunch. 

You sure, Piglet? 

You couldn’t help but give a small smile at his nickname for you. George claimed that when you got anxious, your voice got higher and you couldn’t stop saying “oh no” just like the Winnie the Pooh character. Also, there was his claim that when you laughed hard enough, you’d make soft snorting sounds instead of laughs. It was one of the cutest things about you, according to George. At least it was better than the nickname he ended up with. Allegedly - according to what you could remember - it started after one night where you had drank too much white wine for your own good and couldn’t find George inside the bar. You’d found him outside in the smoking section, chatting with a burly lighting grip in a Man City beanie.  Desperate to leave, you pawed at George’s shoulder, whining - “Geeeebs, I wanna gooo home now. Geeebs, lessssgo. Hooome. Goo.”   Man City had smirked and nodded at your swaying frame. “Geebs, looks like your girl needs a bit of help.” 

Yeah. I’m honestly just tired and wanna rest. Go! Have fun! Tell me all about it when you’re back! 

Ok. Ok. Ok. Party is at Groucho’s. Want me to pick up some ramen from that place in Soho that you like? 

Nah. Thank you tho :) 

What about Boots? Need me to grab anything?

Gonna stop omw home. 

Brilliant. Rest up, Pigs. Xx

Love you too, Geebs. X

By the time you’d heard the front door lock click open, the dread from earlier had turned into a tight panic that had threaded itself tightly into your chest.  If you just focussed on tidying up the flat, you wouldn’t have to think about what all the tests said. There weren’t thin pink lines in the suds of the washing up. 

“Hi, darling.” His voice sounded soft - as if he spoke any louder, he might cause your mysterious ailment to get worse. 

You didn’t turn around from the kitchen sink. Instead you squirted more Fairy liquid on an already saturated sponge. 

“Hi. How was the party?” 

“Just alright. Usual crowd. Usual questions. Managed to see Sam for a bit. He says hello, by the way. I convinced Donna to let me ditch early though.” 

You squinted, the mug in your hand slippery from the soap. “Really? You should have stayed!” 

George shrugged his coat off his shoulders, laying it over the back of the couch. He walked towards the kitchen, holding a brown paper bag. 

“I couldn’t possibly leave my poorly little piglet home alone any longer.” 

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see him place the bag on the island counter. Tonkostu. That ramen place in Soho you liked.  He was making it even harder to tell him what you needed to say. 

“Besides, we’ve both been busy and you know, I just wanted to be home instead of trying to come up with some clever line for who knows what”, he continued, unbuttoning his suit jacket. 

There wasn’t any way the mug in your hand could get cleaner. You sighed, placing it on the drying rack and turned to face George. He smiled as he met your eyes.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m still just fine. Knackered.” 

“You’re being awfully vague about what’s going on. Did something happen at work?” 

Biting the inside of your lip, you turned back to the sink. It would be easier to have this conversation without having to actually look at him. George in a suit was a particular weakness of yours and he’d been loaned a new double breasted one for the BAFTA party. Your mind was already all over the place. 

“Well…” 

“Well….” He replied as he pulled a water glass out of the cupboard next to you, nudging you a bit to let him get to the faucet to fill it up. You relented and turned off the water after he was done. 

“Maybe you should look over there.” You said, gesturing towards the brown bag. 

“You had a takeaway issue?” He laughed, leaning against the counter edge as he took a sip. 

You sighed and adjusted the messy bun on top of your head. “No. The other thing on the counter.” 

As he walked the short distance to see what was there, it felt like your heart was going to drop out of your chest. You hadn’t planned to have this conversation. At least not tonight.

“Wait. Are these what I think they are?” His brow had furrowed as he picked up the group of white plastic sticks. 

You didn’t answer.

“Pigs? Are...you...you know?” His voice seemed to be getting a little higher. A little faster. He set the test back down, unbuttoning his sleeves and rolling them up.  

“Am I what?”

George turned to you, his blue eyes wide with surprise - “Pregnant!” 

The silence in the two seconds that it took you to answer was suffocating, weighing itself down on your shoulders.

“Apparently so”, you flatly responded. 

“Fucking hell.” 

“You can say that again.” 

The joy in his voice made the nervousness you felt sting more - “You’re gonna have a baby. We’re gonna have a baby!” 

He took two wide steps towards you, his arms reaching for your waist. You sidestepped away from his embrace. You’d wanted to hear George say this, watch him slowly realise what was happening as he read the test for so long. Longer than you could remember. But for some reason, this felt all wrong. This wasn’t supposed to happen just yet. There were so many things you wanted to do before this. Career advancements to be made, trips to be had, awards to be won, plans to dream up. 

“Hold on. Let’s talk about this for a minute.”

“What’s there to talk about this? This is..I think...probably...no.. the best thing that’s ever happened.” 

Exasperated, you grabbed the dish towel and twisted it around your hand. “I think we should really think about this. I mean. It’s a big step and we only just started thinking about getting married.” 

“We’ve been together for five years. We’re still going to get married but it looks like we might be changing up the timeline of life events, though. I thought you were on the pill...” 

“I was. I am. But I forgot my birth control that weekend last month

He had leaned back over to the island and picked up one of the pregnancy tests, examining it more closely. 

“Mmm..”

It would be easier if you didn’t say it straight to his face. You turned back towards the window over the sink, the red lights of the London skyline blinking silently back at you. 

“Maybe I don’t want to have this baby yet.”

There was a hitch in his voice - you didn’t need to see him to know that his face had fallen.

“What do you mean you don’t want to have this baby?”

“I’m not ready. At least I feel like I’m not ready.” The words felt like bombs dropping. 

“You’re not bloody ready? Are you mental? You’re going to be the most amazing mother to walk this earth.” He ran his hand through his hair, his face tightened in confusion. 

“I mean. I dunno. I just hadn’t really felt like I was at the point where I could take care of another life.” 

George moved closer to you, ignoring the sound of you turning the sink faucet. “You’re so ready.”

“Oh”, you responded dryly, “Did you have a conversation with my mind to get that information?”

“Ok. No. You’re right. I didn’t. But I know you. And I love you. And I know that you’re gonna be fine. You’re gonna be grand.” 

Picking up a sauce pot, you resumed the washing up. You were stuck in now, but maybe the Fairy liquid could smooth over how awful this talk was going to get, you thought. 

“You’re not getting it. I don’t want this. Not yet.”

George gingerly laid his hand on your shoulder. “Wait. What are you trying to say?” His voice faltered. 

“I don’t know! I don’t know what I want!” 

“I thought you wanted children...” 

“I do! Just..not right now.” Your throat felt like it was clamping up as your voice rose. “We haven’t planned for this shit at all.” 

“Well. Yeah. We'll sort it out though.” 

You slammed the saucepot down in the sink. “No. You’re not listening. How are we going to fit a literal child into our lives? We live in a tiny fucking one bedroom flat. You’re about to leave to go to Australia for 3 months. Do we even have enough money to have a kid?”

He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and looked away. “I’ll drop the damn film. You know we’re financially sound.” 

You wished that you’d turned on more lights when you got home. The half lit kitchen wasn’t helping the dark mood at all. 

“Ok. Well maybe this isn’t a we situation then. There are things besides those.  I have a promotion at work I want. A career. I want to move up the ladder. I know as an actor you can get that. It’s like getting bloody famous or something.” 

He rolled his eyes. “Alright. Let’s not get petty.” 

The sink groaned a sharp metallic click as the water suddenly stopped. 

“This fucking stupid sink! George. You were supposed to fix it!” 

He nudged you out of the way and quickly shut the faucet off. 

“Pigs. Let’s not get into the sink right now.”

You threw the towel onto the counter, staring at the strawberry print. “Ok fine then. Maybe I don’t want to be like your mum and give everything up to raise this child.” 

George snapped his head towards you, his voice low and harsh. He only spoke like that when he was truly angry. 

“Don’t you dare bring my mother into this.”

“Why? You know she gave up her costumes for you and your sister.  And now she’s a fucking nursery teacher.” 

“She had a choice. You have a choice.” The sound of his hand hitting the counter reverberated around the two of you. 

“Well. Maybe my choice is that I’m not going to keep it.” 

“That’s not your choice!” 

Shocked and open mouthed, you grabbed one of the tests. The plastic felt like it could cut into your palm, you were gripping it so tightly. 

“Are you.. Are you fucking seriously fucking telling me I don’t have a choice?” You waved your closed fist in front of him, his eyes following the white stick. “I cannot believe...you arsehole.” 

He held his hands up in surrender. You didn’t stop. 

“You of all fucking people would tell me that what I want to do with my goddamn body isn’t my choice.” 

“That’s not what I meant….” 

“What did you mean then? That you had the final say in what happened to your child in my body, huh?” 

“No.” He grabbed your wrist to stop you from waving the test at him. 

“Let go of my fucking arm.”

“You need to calm down. That’s not what I meant” 

You jerked your arm free and threw the stick at his feet. “Don’t fucking tell me to calm down. I’m going upstairs. I swear to god, if you follow me.” 

Even forty five minutes in the bath felt like it wasn’t enough to make you feel better. You loved the clawfoot bathtub - it might have been your favourite thing in the cramped apartment you and George shared. 

The doorknob turned and you slid back under the water, scrunching your eyes and letting your nose stay slightly above waterline; hoping that if you stayed like that long enough, he would eventually just leave. 

“Hey” His voice sounded sad even muffled by the water. 

You didn’t respond. 

“I know that you can hear me. And I want to tell you that I’m sorry...I...shouldn’t have said that.” 

You opened one eye to his fuzzy form slouched above you.

“You’re absolutely right. It is your choice about what you want to do. And I need to support you. But I need you to talk to me about it first. It’s still going to have an impact on me. On us. But that doesn’t mean it will change anything about us. Or how I feel about you. How much I love you.” 

The water sloshed quietly as you slid yourself up the back of the tub. He didn’t notice that you were listening fully. 

“And you are going to be, whenever you want to be, the most amazing mother. You’re so kind and you love so deeply. You’re so fiercely protective that nothing will harm our child. I can’t wait to see that. I can’t wait..” 

“Geebs, it’s not an interview”, you said, laughing quietly at the way he tended to ramble when saying something he felt was important. 

He looked down at you, surprised. 

“There you are!” 

You smoothed your hair back, relishing the cool air of the tiled bathroom. 

“Thank you”, you responded quietly. 

“I needed to say it. What I said was wrong”, he sighed, perching himself on the edge of the tub, his back to you. 

“I’m so scared.”

“I’m scared too.” 

You looked up at him, slightly astounded that your take on everything the hard way George had responded. He gently drew a line back and forth on the water’s surface - “In fact. I’m bloody terrified.” 

“Why?”

He concentrated on the line, avoiding your gaze. “Well, what if something goes wrong? What if...you know..we...loseit. Or it hates us? Or it doesn’t learn anything we try and teach it? What if I’m not a good father? Or god forbid, it’s an Arsenal supporter?” 

You pulled yourself up further, bringing your knees to your chest and laughed. “Geebs, what football team our child supports is the least of your worries.” 

“Are you ready?”  Bathwater rippled outwards from his arm as he placed his large hand softly against your stomach. 

You paused and took his other hand in yours, water streaming into the crisp blue of his shirt - “Yes. I think I am. It took this bath and a good long cry. But...I dunno. Feels right. I’m still worried though.” 

“You’re going to be an amazing mum.” 

“I know,” you said, smiling cheekily. “You’ll be a better father though.” 

“Oh..c’mon now.” 

You blushed and pulled your mouth tightly into a smile - “You know, I actually decided I wanted to have your children after our sixth date.” 

He pursed his mouth, trying to remember the exact memory.

“Wait...are you talking about the time we went to that karaoke bar in Shoreditch with Anna and that lot and I sang that Heart song?” 

“Maybe..”

“Are you telling me that my show stopping rendition of Barracuda made you figure that out? Wow...it must have been really sexy then..”

“Oh fuck off!” You said, splashing his thigh. 

“Hey! Watch the trousers! This is Dior! I’ve got to give it back next week!” He feigned horror at the mark growing on his leg. 

The two of you sat silently for a few minutes, content with the immense agreement you had made. George lazily rubbed his thumb on the back of your hand as you leaned back against the embrace of the curved tub.

“Piglet?”

“Yes,” you murmured. 

“When did it happen? It couldn’t have been that long ago...do you think it was after Daisy’s housewarming when we were too pissed to make it to the bedroom and we fucked on the kitchen floor?” 

You didn’t respond, chuckling quietly instead. 

“Or...was it the other night. You know. When the new Attenborough series about Antarctica got a bit tedious..” 

“Geebs, it doesn’t really matter. It’s happening regardless.”

“Yes. Quite right. It probably would be pretty disturbing to learn that you were conceived to the soundtrack of a squawking flock of Emperor penguins. Anyways..Regardless...We should probably think about moving soon. I’ve actually been thinking about looking in Barnes for a while now. I want to raise our children there. In a proper house. It’s a bit more expensive than when I was a kid..but I think we can manage...I’ll speak with mum...see what she can find out..

“Geebs?” 

“Yes, Pigs?” 

“We’ve just decided to have the bloody kid. I’m too tired to figure out where we’re going to put it right now.” 

“Oh. Of course.” He jumped up, reaching for a towel off the rack. “Let’s go to bed. I’m exhausted too.” 

You gently lifted yourself out of the water and stepped into the open towel, wrapping it around yourself - “Go get ready. I’ll be there in a bit.” 

He came back five minutes later, changed out of his suit and into his favourite pair of pyjama bottoms; printed with sock monkeys and so threadbare, they needed to go in the bin but you couldn’t break the news to him. You dragged a comb through your wet hair as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders. His bare chest was cool against your bath warmed skin. 

“Darling?”, he murmured, resting his chin on the crook of your neck. “Can I tell you something?”

“Sure.”

“I’d almost forgotten how great your tits look when you’re in the bath.”  His eyes met yours in the mirror. 

You rolled your eyes. “Well get ready then. They’re only going to get bigger these next nine months.”

His face lit up - “This pregnancy is going to be the best thing that ever happened to me.” 

You quickly turned and tapped him on the stomach with your brush, laughing. 

“You pervert.”

“Ow! That hurt!” 

And you wish that you’d known then, in all that doubt and worry, that in nine months and a few weeks time, you’d open your eyes in a sterile room full of blinding light to see George holding a squirming bundle of pale pink in his long arms. So small in his hands. The tears wouldn’t stop and you won’t be sure if it’s the pain of the feeling of your hips broken, body split in two or the waves of joy that kept washing over you again and again, the elation almost drowning your heart. He would lean down, a small cry emerging from the bundle. “Look, Pigs. Look at her. I’m sorry they gave her to me first..hold her.” And the words wouldn’t be able to form as you moved your mouth into a yes. The bundle on your chest while George, his eyes tearful as he delicately placed his thumb on your daughter’s rosebud lips. She would blink, her eyes the same sea blue as her father’s as he brushed her cheek. And he would look to you, a vastness of love you’d never seen. “She’s so perfect...you’re perfect. You’re so bloody perfect.” His kisses against your crying eyes. On your lips. And all the blood, the doctor’s commands, the panic, the nausea, the doubt. All that doubt and worry would be worth it all. 

[comebackali]

here’s the thing about rey. i understand wanting rey to have a story where she’s powerful and important and central to the story without having to be related the Disaster Family™ we know as the solo/skywalkers. (FINN IS RIGHT THERE, but that’s fine we’re talking about rey rn.) daisy ridley has said sentiments similar to this in the past, and in theory, there’s nothing technically wrong with rey random™.

BUT, i was just thinking about The Shannara Chronicles and how FUCKING EXCITING AND REVOLUTIONARY AND GROUNDBREAKING it was that mareth ravenrock (an asian woman on a network tv show) got this whole storyline where she has this amazing family legacy and is the last of a powerful order of druids and surprise! the last of the royal family line. mareth’s story makes my heart swell with joy and pride and awe every time i think about it, and tbh, THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN REY’S STORY??

it’s like how Wonder Woman felt so FUCKING INCREDIBLE for little girls and women everywhere to watch, because it felt GROUNDBREAKING AND REVOLUTIONARY and i sat there in the theatre thinking, “holy shit, i have never seen anything like this before?? is this how men feel all the time??” 

it’s the same way i felt watching rey pull the skywalker lightsaber to her for the first time in tfa. WE ALL LOST OUR SHIT, RIGHT?? it felt so IMPORTANT. we’d had female jedi before, but it felt like SUCH A BIG DEAL that this was Rey’s Story and she was A MOTHERFUCKING JEDI. (again FINN IS RIGHT THERE, and everything i’m saying right now re: being a jedi and/or a skywalker is also applicable to him. finn is a A BIG DEAL™ and jedi finn skywalker would have been fucking REVOLUTIONARY. FUCK YOU LUCASFILM.) 

but that same feeling we got in tfa watching rey kick kylo ren’s ass?? rey being reveled to be a skywalker would have felt like that too. it would have felt IMPORTANT AND EXCITING AND GROUNDBREAKING. who the fuck cares that this entire story has been about the skywalkers saving or fucking up the galaxy?? rey’s story would still have been exciting because the skywalker stories have always been about white dudes, even leia’s story was secondary to luke’s classic hero’s journey and being “the chosen one.” that’s why arguments about how tlj “subverted tropes and expectations” (especially arguments about kylo’s subverted “redemption arc” blegh) drive me up the fucking wall. we don’t get to write stories about “subverting tropes” for white dudes until we are LITERALLY OVERFLOWING WITH STORIES ABOUT WOMEN AND PEOPLE OF COLOR GOING THROUGH CLASSIC HERO’S JOURNEYS AND BEING THE CHOSEN ONES. until then literally miss me with that shit. i don’t give a single fuck.