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deadcactuswalking · 1 year ago

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 16/12/2023 (Dave/Jack Harlow, Fred again../Baby Keem, Christmas Garbage)

Content warning: Some language, brief references to abusive sexual relationships and ho-ho-ho, merry Christmas

Once again, “Last Christmas” is at #1, as anyone would really expect - Mariah’s at #3, the Pogues are at #5 and filling in the gaps we have “Lovin’ on Me” by Jack Harlow at #4 and Noah Kahan’s “Stick Season” at #2. It’s Christmas again, so excuse the shoddy structure, but there’s actually a lot more to this week than one may expect. I guess welcome back to a semi-festive episode of REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

It was an odd week, this one. A lot of Christmas songs actually decreased in chart position although obviously remained actually stable, and there’s not really much at all there to replace these songs, and most gains or falls weren’t at all substantial. So it’s like a liminal space of a week, in preparation for the Christmas #1 next week. There are more new arrivals than the usual Christmas week… they all kind of suck though. We have Tate McRae, a disappointing album from Nicki Minaj and Jack Harlow, as well as the dregs of The Idol, Baby Keem and… Cher? I mean, we’ve covered the Christmas stuff really, there are actually no songs making their first top 75 entry this year this week. Hell, three of the songs that re-entered last week have actually dropped back out though obviously they’ll be back next week or the next. We do have some… secular gains, I suppose, with “Surround Sound” by JID featuring 21 Savage and Baby Tate at #64, “Lose Control” by Teddy Swims at #59, “On My Love” by Zara Larsson and David Guetta at #54, “exes” by Tate McRae at #39 thanks to the album - again, more on that later, and then new peaks for the Amazon originals: Jorja Smith’s “Stay Another Day” cover at #20 and Sam Ryder getting his second top 10 with “You’re Christmas to Me” at #10 - for God’s sake.

In terms of our notable drop-outs, songs exiting the UK Top 75, which is what I cover, after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40, and I didn’t need to say all that because the only notable songs to bid adieu to this week are “Liquor & Cigarettes” by Chase & Status and Hedex featuring ArrDee and I suppose “Standing Next to You” by Jung Kook. Again, take Christmas-week drop-outs with a grain of salt.

NEW ARRIVALS

#60 - “One of the Girls” - The Weeknd, JENNIE and Lily Rose-Depp

Produced by The Weeknd, MIKE DEAN and Sage Skolfield

I still haven’t seen The Idol - I mean, why should I watch that show? - but for whatever reason, TikTok has latched onto some of the soundtrack cuts which, to my knowledge, are Weeknd leftovers with guests tacked on, though at least JENNIE and Lily-Rose Depp are actually cast members, with Rose Depp being the second main character after The Weeknd’s… “Tedros”. Sorry, I’m just learning these characters’ names, “Tedros”? Alright, well, is the song good? Well, it’s a pretty unsettling one, with JENNIE’s airy vocals soon rendered void by a stodgy bass beat and grimy, flickering percussion that sounds pretty terrible, especially with singers who have such high, careening falsettos, or just straight can’t sing that well like Rose Depp here who feels a bit out of her depth attempting to be all that convincing. She sounds a bit bored and stretched thin, which makes some sense for this song about rough, emotionless sex, but doesn’t make it any more appealing. In fact, there’s an ugly lack of passion or seduction here that I think does the song a lot of good for the most part, largely because, well, this doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship at all. It is a shame that JENNIE’s parts just… don’t fit, they almost feel off beat and Tedros over here has very little chemistry with either woman, though with JENNIE, to be fair, there’s not really much chance for him to even harmonise with her, she’s reallly set apart. It’s a pretty ugly, slow dirge with a sprinkling of 80s synths, very typical for The Weeknd, and it’s not exactly bad, but it also doesn’t feel all too special

#58 - “Needle” - Nicki Minaj featuring Drake

Produced by Boi-1da, YogiTheProducer and 40

Alright, big story of the week: Nicki Minaj debuts at #3 on the albums chart with the sequel to Pink Friday - the first instalment reached #16 over here, surprisingly low - and she debuts two new songs, both with features, and I’ll refrain from saying too much because I’ve expressed my first impressions and opinions on the album on my RateYourMusic log and I don’t see much point going further into it here, especially since the tracks we get aren’t fully representative of the album, but I do think this is particularly sad of an effort, even if I generally like Nicki quite a bit. The trend-chasing, the samples, the odd level of sincerity that seeps in only to create a cynical product, it’s almost pretty depressing, especially when this is a bloated, rushed album serving as a sequel to perhaps her most iconic and important project. It’s… unfortunate, though I find it difficult to say that Nicki is at fault for most of it, though she definitely doesn’t help on this one, which is mostly a Drake song. I don’t particularly like Drake in his dancehall or Afrobeats mode, but his singing isn’t bad and whilst the mix feels a tad messy, the subtle synth pads and little vocal samples in the chorus lead to a pretty solid foundation for the groove, though the percussion loop is a bit incessant for four minutes. Nicki is… here, though not with a particularly impressive verse, in fact a pretty awkward one, and her cascading vocal mix in the backing vocals, sometimes harmonising with Nana Fofie, and the final chorus, feels very tacked-on and honestly kind of gross, especially since Drake couldn’t sound any less engaged, and the instrumental outro is a tad lengthy for a song that is purposefully not doing much of anything. It’s really far from the worst on the album though… we’ll get to it.

#55 - “run for the hills” - Tate McRae

Produced by Ryan Tedder and Jasper Harris

Tate McRae’s new album THINK LATER debuted at #5 on this week’s albums chart. It’s Ryan Tedder’s vessel of manufactured pop writing wherein Tate McRae is a vehicle for regurgitated fluff that Tedder probably has a team of people deciding to include. I’m usually not nearly this cynical about pop music but there just really isn’t anything on this one that redeems it, or feels all that human, especially not McRae herself, but it’s not like the floaty algorithmic production helps at all. This is far from the album’s worst but is also probably one of its most derivative, given that lower on this week’s chart, we had a song by The Weeknd debut and I’m getting deja vu. The drums even sound just as clicky and awful, if not more, and McRae doing her half-rap thing on the chorus to fill in all these lyrics rapidly with little care for the song actually functioning as a coherent whole is just embarrassing. The album is a microcosm of all recent pop trends and this is one of the more egregious attempts, especially because God, she cannot pull off alternative R&B to save her life, and the OneRepublic guy shouldn’t be making her try.

#53 - “Everybody” - Nicki Minaj featuring Lil Uzi Vert

Produced by DJ Smallz 732 and Tate Kobang

You’ve got to be kidding me. Okay, so I fully expected Lil Uzi Vert to show up on a track, even if they actually aren’t on the CD version, much like over half of the album apparently. Nicki often collaborates with Uzi so I expected a phone-in verse. I also expected Nicki to include several awkward nostalgia-bait samples because that’s been her thing this era, and I also expected Nicki to experiment with a Jersey club jam because she did it on “Barbie World” and this album needs all the audience it can get. However… sigh, “Move Your Feet” by Danish duo Junior Senior peaked at #3 in 2003, whilst Christina Aguilera’s “Beautiful” was #1. And here it is, completely butchered on “Everybody”, which is a pretty manic track, stripping the song of its tight grip on the groove, and flavourful sound palette, by drenching it in the mysterious Jersey club allure that comes with an odd level of angsty-feeling percussion, and stop-start rhythms, that whilst expected with the genre do not fit this sample at all, which itself struggles for space in the mix against Nicki, who whispers along to its hook and uses the iconic “Everybody!” refrain to fill in her own bars, but doesn’t even do the full chorus because of course she doesn’t, even though she is heavily relying on that chorus because these verses are minimal and the pre-chorus is ridiculous. She even references the Kanye leak she refused to clear her verse on just yesterday, and that’s before the song feels like it even starts, which for the record, is when Lil Uzi Vert comes in with some incoherent intensity. They’re just doing their “Just Wanna Rock” schtick again, but it will always work for me, even if just for their brief appearance here, especially when they say the beat is so hard that they just might die. Sadly, it returns to the state of limbo it was in prior and just fades out lazily instead of making use of its Uzi-addled climax, not that the song wasn’t dead on arrival in the first place. Again, this is embarrassing.

#41 - “DJ Play a Christmas Song” - Cher

Produced by Mark Taylor

In the darkest days, at least there’s Cher. This is the long-term entertainer and greatest-of-all-time Twitter account’s first hit this big since around 2013, and I always wondered why Cher had never tried her hand at self-inserting herself into the Christmas canon, or at least why she hadn’t done it before Mariah or Kelly, who are in some ways the Chers of their respective generations. It turns out she released an entire Christmas album, with covers and original songs, and duets from Stevie Wonder to Cyndi Lauper to Tyga. It also turns out she also did a Christmas duet in 1999 with comedian Rosie O’Donnell, who also did a Christmas duet with Macy Gray on that same album for “Winter Wonderland”, which we talked about last week. Christmas music is a small world, and it’s all connected through one comedian, clearly. As for the song itself, it’s completely serviceable, using the same Auto-Tune warble that she made iconic with “Believe” over a synthscape that kind of blends its way from 80s synthpop to 90s Euro-trance, but doesn’t sound bad at all. The percussion is a bit rote though, and doesn’t really fit the looser feeling of Cher’s older, slower vocals, even if she does display a lot of pure joy and expressiveness that you just don’t hear that often nowadays. There’s also a lot to be found in the request to just play that Christmas song that gets you dancing, as a temporary escape from everything else in life. It’s cute, innocuous, I could even see it making itself into the canon eventually, but I can’t say I’m a massive fan, at least not for now. Still better than everything else so far, but this next one might give it some company.

#30 - “leavemealone” - Fred again.. and Baby Keem

Produced by Fred again.., Alex Gibson, Benji Gibson, Four Tet, Loose, Sid Stone and Skrillex

These next two songs are actually quite similar: both would-be top 10 hits without Christmas featuring American rappers, penned by acts who don’t contribute vocals, containing one artist I quite like and one I… am weary of to say the least. This one does have the edge a bit because it’s stacked with seven producers, with Fred seemingly bringing his brothers into the mix alongside his common collaborators Four Tet and Skrillex, who pretty much always help Fred make some magic so even if it has Kendrick’s SoundCloud rap cousin on it, it could still be good. Hell, Keem’s artist credit isn’t as much of a feature as it is just using chopped-up vocals from his album cuts, 2021’s “south africa” and 2019’s “BULLIES”, so this could be a shining light in this week and… it’s drum and bass. If you’ve read any episode of this show, you’ll know this is a cheat code, and yes, I think the song’s great.

This has been a fan favourite at his shows for a while and I can see why with the looming sub-bass that is panned excellently, and a glitchy rendition of Keem that morphs him from his usual nasal mumble to something almost resembling a jungle MC, and Fred has a lot of fun teasing the audience with its long, stop-and-start build-up that uses a lot of mechanical clashes, almost IDM-esque, to establish the reckless paranoia that Keem actually contributes to through what you can make out of the lyrics, and whilst it isn’t exactly the most detailed or heavy breakbeat that comes in, it’s a whirry and industrial drop that hits in all the right places with tiny little details because I mean, of course, it’s Fred, Skrillex and Four Tet, it’s going to be intricate. I’d also like to say it’s one-note, but there’s a bridge where the bass becomes a static fuzz amidst some new sampled vocals from Sabrina Benaim, “I don’t want to go”, that push Keem further into restless isolation. That last build with what sounds like a fan getting closer and closer to Keem’s mantra of “everybody, everybody…” before the clearing off point, interrupted by a growling bass, before the drop comes back in and in full force this time, is absolutely brilliant. I know that half of what I do on this series nowadays is lush over detailed EDM tracks, so I will actually give some critique here: I want to hear what happens next. Don’t just peter out at less than four minutes: it goes into what sounds like a racket of a half-time drop by the end and I want to hear it get even noisier of a thrash. Maybe that’s what happens in the DJ sets where he plays this, I don’t know, but either way, an extended cut would be kind of sick, even if as it is, it’s already fantastic.

Also, yes, I do have a degree of chart nerd detail to note that the additional vocal from 070 Shake in the drop is most likely sampled from Ye’s “Ghost Town”, which peaked at #17 in 2018 - I remember reviewing it - whilst “One Kiss” by Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa was #1. The sampled Baby Keem tracks have not charted, and neither did Fred’s own track “Sabrina (i am a party)”, which is where he took Benaim’s vocals from, though they originated from a poem of her own that of course did not chart. I like these connections though.

#29 - “Stop Giving Me Advice” - Lyrical Lemonade, Dave and Jack Harlow

Produced by Hollywood Cole, Rascal, Daz, Matthew Tavares and Angel López

Oh, yeah, the other similarity: they have way too many producers. Anyway, for our final song, we have music video director Cole Bennett getting his DJ Khaled on by curating an album under his YouTube channel and production company’s name but contributing minimally to the music itself. At least maybe he can get some good, unique collaborations going, and I wouldn’t really expect Jack to make a song with Dave otherwise though it makes actually more sense than you’d think. They’re in some ways outsiders to the globally Americansied rap mainstream, they’re incredibly popular not because of but more in spite of their conscious leanings, and a lot of the time, they’re less interesting than they think they are, and I never want to hear what they have to say about women.

This could absolutely still be a good song though but sadly, most of it is Jack Harlow over this rattling Timbaland-esque beat except the groove just stutters instead of pulling itself forward or going into any interesting directions, kind of just letting the awkward bed of samples spread into a funkless beat. I zoned out of Mr. Harlow immediately when he asked me “have you ever raised the value of anyone around you?” and… the whole first verse is directed, arguably, to the haters, but it’s not like those haters are the only people who want to live Jack Harlow’s life, and it’s an entire verse of condescending hypotheticals and rhetorical questions that make him even more punchable than before. Sure, the rhyme scheme is nice in the second verse but by that time, he’s directing me to the chorus - which barely exists - and talking a lot of substanceless bars about his rapping ability which he’s yet to actually prove much of.

In fact, this is actually pretty terrible. This beat just becomes more incessant over time, especially with the added filtered vocal sample and Dave… well, he starts by seemingly dissing - or at least dismissing - everything Jack Harlow said, by saying his fans are nuanced and that Dave shouldn’t be unimpressed by everyday life, which is something that he actually aspires to have, but as soon as this verse picks up into pretty interesting territory with a great rhyme scheme, he… stops rapping… for seven straight seconds, in the middle of a bar, for no reason, and the man never picks that momentum back up, mostly because he adopts the rhetorical question BS that Jack did, except he’s spelling out his elementary “alone” / “a loan” wordplay, calling himself a feminist because of how he pays women in spending sprees for sexual favours, comparing how the people on death row eating their last meal just can’t compare to his seven-figure deals - maybe you’re forgetting all the gang violence you use to sell records, Dave - all the whilst painting himself as the “tortured artiste”, and this is simply the life of an artist escaping darkness… oh, and the super models he has sex with are so skinny they sound like skeletons. Delightful. I hope this pisses off the charts as soon as possible.

Conclusion

Yup, as predicted: really rough week, and honestly, though one song may be a tad more egregious in its sound, I’m still giving Worst of the Week to Lyrical Lemonade, Jack Harlow and Dave for the utterly degradable “Stop Giving Me Advice”, just a complete spit in the face of their own audiences with one of the most raggedy attempts at a 2000s throwback beat I’ve ever heard. As for the Dishonourable Mention, it’s easily going to “Everybody” by Nicki Minaj featuring Lil Uzi Vert, though Tate McRae wasn’t as far off as one may think. There’s not much worth in an Honourable Mention, considering the only good song here is miles better than anything else, so Best of the Week goes to “leavemealone” by Fred again.. and Baby Keem. I know, what a surprise. It’s the Christmas #1 next week - kind of, since the tracking week doesn’t include Christmas but this is what will be promoted as the Christmas #1 because it’s the chart three days before. That’ll be exciting, I’m sure, but as for now, thank you for reading and I’ll see you then!

#uk singles chart #pop music #song review #nicki minaj #pink friday 2 #drake #lil uzi vert #lyrical lemonade #jack harlow #dave #baby keem #fred again #tate mcrae #cher #the weeknd #jennie #lily rose depp

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winter-spark · 1 year ago

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A song, not from the games, to represent each troupe for no reason other than I like music:

Spring: Chosen Family by Rina Sawaya

I know Mankai is a family but like Spring is the family so... Anywho in my head I see an animatic for them and that song, it's incomplete because I need to flesh out Sakuya and Tsuzuru's sections like I have ideas but I feel need to actually read Act 12 and not just about Act 12 to plan out Sakuya's section and I don't fully feel like I can plan Tsuzuru's without having Skuya's because I decided it follows it. Then also the closing. That's not fleshed out either. & by "fleshed out" I mean written down. I have mental visuals but not notes on those parts, I have notes on everything else tho lol (If you want to hear about it, I'm probs never gonna actually make it so feel free to ask.)

Summer: Oath by Cher Lloyd ft. Becky G

I'm absolutely certain that this is their vibe, it's high energy, & it's got the lines: "I know I drive you crazy, sometimes, I know I call you lazy, and that's most times But you complete me, and that's no lie" & I feel like that's pretty much a summary of them, you know? Like I'm not saying just those lines I feel the whole song is them but if I could only take one part to sell my point it's that one. Also, I want to say that to me, the song feels, in part, like the group singing to Tenma but I digress.

Autumn: Endlessly by Mystery Skulls

This is a song about protecting/fighting for whom you care about and that's what I associate Autumn troupe with. Like it's a short song/there aren't many lyrics but the chorus is: "I won't let them take you away from me, I'll be your protection and I'll fight for you endlessly" So to me, it's pretty fitting. But an honorable mention is Can We Be Friends? by Conan Gray because of the lines: "and if anybody fs with you, they f with me, so if anybody fs with you, I'll knock their teeth out" because that's also very them.

Winter: Garden by Meet Me @ The Altar

I think I'm leaning towards this one solely because of the garden/flower motif & Tsumugi runs the Mankai garden & Winter Troupe has Sunny Blanc, both the play and the event. & like I know all the members have flowers associated with them and Summer has The Floral Prince but I moreso associate Winter Troupe with flowers, kinda like the family Mankai but especially Spring Troupe thing. But all in all, I was thinking it fits because it's about supporting and being there during hard times idk. Another song I considered was Gorgeous by Taylor Swift for the fuyupoly I'll Be There For You by The Remembrandts which I kinda considered first as it has sorta the same meaning, like their both like "life sucks but I'm here to support you through it, it's okay your not alone" but Garden has a flower metaphor and is by Meet Me @ The Altar.

Anyway, I hope I don't sound dumb lol. I picked these songs out pretty much after only knowing a3! for like a month or two (started the anime in Feb, finished in March, started reading events mid or late March, drafted this post on April 3rd), I've cleaned up the post and added and changed things but essentially these songs I chose have been my choices for them since April. I have jumped around quite a bit so there's still stuff I'm missing and whatnot so if my reads of the groups are off I guess that's why. I don't think I'm too far off though. Idk tho, I'm definitely not an a3! scholar.

#A3!#act addict actors #Song Assignment #long post #sorta #posting is scary lol

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the-firebird69 · 2 years ago

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We know who this woman is and she's saying that she is Cher when it's not and she is Jenna and DJ is still out and she went on saying it and sent it to our son and her son says these things are going to happen and it's going to help him and she said why would it help him I said if you get them out he's going to have his brain back does it probably want to try him in court as himself and she said oh good and oh that isn't that bad and I think your brain might be in the tomb and she said boy that sucked so she went home and wept a little and said you're rubbing it in and said it's fascinating but I'm just saying it again and she says good so they're going off to try and do things now. And this match is not real it's fake wrestling but she's the champion cuz she has the power to state champion and our son if he wrestles we're probably not stay champion because he doesn't have control over the place and they would constantly make fun of him it'll be Non-Stop so you do that to everybody who can't win consistently and they did to Andre and beat him down but he's never going to really end up there he says and we agree and it's a stupid sport and they try and harm him the whole time and he didn't have harming someone really bad and that's true this guy admits it too he says I'm trying to hurt the guy and he hurt me and it's actually the guy is talking about this is it looks like you can hurt people she said yeah so don't look like it yet but if I get big and work out these guys will be sorry cuz really it makes so if you're strong and you want to win you will as well it's amazing and it's big and he's one of the world's leading powerlifters for a long time and real lifting so he stopped talking and said we know how it really is so yeah it's coming back unfortunately you guys are getting hit really bad if it's live you know what it is life it's really bad Jesus Christ it's Darth Vader I mean Darth Vader's house and I can't move I don't have any money so they're doing great they're saying terrific because he's in Darth Vader's grasp but they're having a hard time and they're not getting it still now the max are attacking and they're going to turn it up and they might they have the ability to wipe it all out but they're going to wait as well and it will demolish tons of them

Thor Freya

I don't want you to hurt and these people do that and they're cheap and the cheaters and they do things to people and it's a kind of a violent area and you're saying won't be big for a while by the time I hit you are it's going to be the Max and it's real wrestling and I do understand that too and they probably won't let me do it anyways and it's true too but really it would take me forever to get over this Prilosec permiated my body he says. He's got a lot in there still and there was a lot that came out it's probably about half a gallon of the poison that came out last year and slowly and through your pores and urine and other excretions and it was also negated by some chemicals and boy it was a lot half a gallon of liquid with it at about 30% concentration so we know it's a lot I mean that's a lot of drugs it's enough to hurt someone pretty good and this year it's about the same and there's tons of it in him. So I asked him what to do and they said we have to keep doing it to get it out and it's slowly coming out and pretty soon it'll be gone it's coming out of the bones it's coming out of the muscle it's coming out of the lipoma where lots of it is probably another 8 oz or 16 oz and that's about how much she was and it's not pure Prilosec but it is pretty dangerous that big bunch with really it's probably about two cups a year that's a lot it says I was a medicine I guess thinner and then heavy then thin then heavy and it goes out the whole time then it goes for the lipoma and then it goes out the other part and it's been a lot of work I could just take the antidote which they won't get to him and it is making his growth stop and it's done on purpose by us a little bit but not that much we knew it was way too much it was loaded way too much and it was really by biden, who wanted to take his son's skin and still does and other people too but it's really his museum

Hera

And so I understood that and I found it out and I know it's happening over there and your days are numbered Cruise and it's almost over and because he went nuts basically it's insanity and I understand why it looks like you don't have a chance and it feels like it and it might be true but there are other people in this planet and you could have made alliances and he chose not to out of arrogance about things that you're doing with the team but then again your team is not around and you don't want to work with these houses or other people and really have been devastating people who are worth stuff I kind of understand it, but it's my life that you're threatening and talking about. So now yours is going to be over. And being president doesn't appreciate you so you're smart but really there are a bunch of people who could have aligned and stay in this one and you're going to go against him and it's really stupid

Zues

All that's true and I can't stand it and you're right what can I do about nothing and your family couldn't either and I know that dumb s*** is it did the brain stuff is living next door and he did it to steal and did it to other people cuz he know they would be stealing and he's a freak I feel sorry for you but I have to try and do stuff North try and in order to survive

Biden

Like I said it's almost over and I don't need you threatening me like you're a little child that's what it sounds like to me and everyone it's dangerous and it's costing you everything

Zues Hera

It is costing you and many others everything biden

Olympus

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this-machine-runs-on-coffee · 6 months ago

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I like how low I can sing, even though I don't know which note it is, but I do consider it to be pretty low

I like how high I can sing, even though that only happens sometimes and I again do not know the note for it but I'm pretty sure it's not that high

I like my ability to at times recognise details people often don't see

I like my ability to do 5th grade level problems pretty fast and to know what is the result of the numbers 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-14-15 squared (1-4-9-16-25-36-49-64-81-100-121-144-169-196-225) (I know it's easy to do but I'm still proud of it)

I like how most times I can guess who the murderer/culprit is going to be from the beginning when we first see them (I'm not fun to be around when seeing/reading crime movies/books, I just have a feeling it's them, call it pattern recognition or something but they all do that thing that makes you say "Hmm... Yup, culprit. Suspicious behavior very well masked as normal. You are the culprit!" the shots really do help. Some are very incriminatory at times. Like, the investigation has ended and all the suspects/characters are there in the scene and as the detective's walking in to say who the culprit is and character X is at the center of the characters minus detective shot? Character X is going to be the center of that scene, the protagonist of that scene [I was taught this at school, I'll admit that with no shame. They made us learn the basics of how to make a good video/short movie/long movie. Which shots were which, the ones which worked well and when, they made us slightly analyse some Hitchcock's movie scenes, every detail's important and useful, the backgrounds are important because at times they serve to give hints about what's going to happen or a certain character's personality, why make them balanced or unbalanced to express what, the music has to be chosen perfectly or it's not gonna fit very well, ecc. ecc. ... Well, I didn't really put that to work, but I was told I'm pretty good at editing last year]. They're likely the culprit. Or it's just a random feeling I get. 90% of the time I'm right. I only remember three times being wrong and recently but then again my memory does suck, so)

THANK YOU FOR THE TAG I'm going to tag all my mutuals (except you since you've already done it) because yes @radio-silence-fan, @shinycharriot0, @pessimistic-gh0st, @ribcage-confessions, @ronnica-sinp, @chandlerschainsaw, @officialhusker, @floripare, @freezeyyourbrain, @arachnid-fool, @villain-life, @justalittlerandomartist, @cher-takes-the-l, @nayrzz, @lilythefirst819x, @juicylipsperson

When you get this you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. Then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool)❤️

@helluvabossfan08 @lemonlightt @coraldeermoon @inky-void

@123letsgobestie @almaprincess66 @lavenderfairiez @helpallthenamesaretakenblog and all my other lovely moots!!

When I get obsessed with something I basically become an encyclopaedia for it and can relate anything back to it with incredible skill (“Oh Oedipus? That’s referenced in S1 Ep9 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, titled “Puppet Show”- the only episode of the show to contain a during-credits scene. The show, created by the now infamous Jos Wheadon ran between 1997 and 2003, for a total of 7 seasons and 144 episodes, each one averaging at around 45mins. The 100th episode of the show- S5 Ep22, “The Gift”- was initially intended to be the season finale, but interestingly it was recalled for two more- hey! Guys! Come back, don’t leave!! I’m not done!!!”)

In a similar vain, I have every lyric to Hamilton memorised. Don’t believe me, I’ll prove it to you- do you have three hours to spare? I have in fact performed one-woman productions of the show to my friends and family, complete with sweet extra content (deleted songs, historical fun facts, a detective-style board with red string and everything proving Why They Are Gay).

I like to think I’m pretty talented- I can sing, I play two instruments (Piano and Bass), I know my way around D.A.Ws and other sound equipment, I can draw, I can write, I can compose- but I am in no way a prodigy in these fields and there’s always room for improvement.

I’m quite truthful- I never lie, EVER. I’m also open and honest about everything (sometimes at a risk of my own self-preservation). I don’t get embarrassed easily and I come across as quite confident.

People tell me I’m smart- I have a tendency to not shy away from long, technical words. I talk a lot, and can get really stuck into a discussion if I’m interested (Although, my Received Pronunciation accent and my good grammar in texts might also play a factor).

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tempobrucera · 2 years ago

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Trick or Treat

Pairing: Vampire!Ethan x Human!Reader x Demon!Thomas Summary: There's nothing hotter, more dangerous or more heartwrenching than spending a night with a vampire and a demon. Word Count: 7.4k Warnings: Smut, it's a demon and a vampire with a human Other: Wanted to write some Halloween smut and there will be another silly story on Halloween itself. Maybe something inbetween but I'm not gonna promise that. 🦇👻🎃🦇

Add yourself to my taglist. / Masterlist

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Every year their annual Halloween party is on the day of the closest full moon to Halloween. Last year it was during the Blood Moon, to Ethan's and Thomas' delight. This year it falls onto the Darkest Depths Moon in early November, to Thomas' and Ethan's delight. It can only fall on these two options, you figured out, and guessed that Ethan and Thomas would be delighted anyways. They are excited for Halloween and to be normal between all people around. Ethan's sharp vampire fangs a cool feature for any costume, not hiding them away, like he usually does. Thomas' ever changing eye colour a prop no one questions at a Halloween party. Finally he can let the colour change how his eyes want to, let them flicker when he's excited instead of surpress it, and not only play around with his human eye colour that changes with the weather and sometimes with his mood but not quite as they want to.

"Nice costume," Victoria says when you open the door for her and she sees you in your pink ensemble, pink jacket, pink pencil skirt with a slit, the black sunglasses with the pink shades and the plush dog you are carrying with you which you put into a pink and purple sweater, "Elle Woods."

You laugh: "Thank you, likewise, you look hot."

"Hmmm," she doesn't look too convinced. Which isn't like Vic, she's standing in front of you as a nun. A really sexy version of a nun, you have to admit, which makes her disappointment even more confusing. Her habitat dress is short, showing off her legs and her thighs, the top part out of black sheer, showing her bare boobs underneath, flowy bell sleeves and a white scapular collar - both also out of sheer. To top her outfit of, she has a veil on her head and a cross necklace around her neck, you are sure you have seen it on Thomas before. "I wanted Thomas to go as my little demon toy but he told me, he found something better when I was already getting dressed. What better is there than playing possessing a nun?"

The moment you open your mouth to tell her how much that sucks but that you will happily offer her your vampire boyfriend, Thomas is walking down the stairs. All words in your brain die the second you see him.

"Oh great, you could have told me sooner." Vic says when she sees him, "Now you two are matching. Two iconic blondes out of movies. Cher and Elle, Clueless and Legally Blonde. Thank you, Thomas, you asshole."

Your gaze lingers on his long legs. The white stockings, the really short yellow tartan skirt, his hairy thighs. The matching yellow tartan blazer, he went for nothing underneath. You can see how his eyes flicker with excitement when he looks at you and Vic and does a little twirl.

"You look great!" You assure him - he does, you swallow. Vic only groans next to you.

"You do," Vic has to admit as well, "If you wouldn't have left me hanging."

"Sorry!" He smiles at her shyly, pulls his skirt down a bit and changes the topic. "Who are we waiting for?"

Your group decided to meet up at Ethan's place, you staying over most of the time when he's home. Thomas securing himself Ethan's guest room because Ethan's maisonette is closer to the place the party takes place. Vic deciding to come over so you can go together and Damiano driving himself and his girlfriend directly to the party, without any stops.

"Only Ethan," you say. "I probably have to help him with his wings."

"I'll go," Thomas is already skipping up the first stairs. You can't help yourself to look at his legs again, skirt swinging. It doesn't take him long to come back down, ten minutes you talk with Vic, and he's there again. You can see that there's lipgloss on his lips now that wasn't there before, subtle eyeshadow and mascara on his lashes. "He still needs a few minutes and then we can goooooo."

"Let's play a little game until then," Vic looks at you, "Ethan, Damiano, Thomas - fuck, marry, kill?"

"What?" You look at her in turn, she smirks at the shock on your face.

You can feel how you're blushing, Thomas is blushing as well. He radiates heat even more than usually. A thing you got used to quickly after meeting him when you got together with Ethan. Kind of a shock, to first fall in love with a vampire and then being introduced to his demon friend, he's in a band with. You had an ordinary life before, nothing do with the supernatural - even though you were interested. Who couldn't be interested in something so special, not everyone gets to see. Thomas is always hot to the touch, always heating up a room when he's in it. You don't know, how many times you already cuddled up into his arms when you were cold. It's such a difference to how cold your boyfriend feels under your touch. But Thomas feels always cold himself - I think, I just radiate it everywhere, I don't keep it in. I'm always fucking cold. While Ethan is always feeling hot, whatever the weather - I keep all the heat in, I'm always warm.

"It's okay, you can say that you want to kill me, sink me to the bottom of the ocean, ram a dagger into my heart, a cruxifix." Thomas' eyes change from normal to a red blazing gaze to deep black and back to normal again, he smirks. "But I'm not that easy to kill."

Of course - you're a demon. And it instantly gets you heated too - it shouldn't, you think. Then Ethan gets down the stairs, you think you can avoid giving Vic an answer now. You don't want to kill any of them off, not even for Vic's mindfuck game question. Your breath gets stuck in your throat when you see him. He's in white wide-leg sheer trousers, a cropped white blazer with golden stars on it, like Thomas he went for nothing underneath. He has a black glittery smokey eye, that looks a little bit to good on him, like the dark red lipstick he put on and instead of a halo, he wears a flower crown out of white lilies and roses. When he smiles, you can see his pointed teeth. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see how Thomas longingly stares at his big, feathery, fluffy wings - they are black.

"You look so stunning," you have a closer look at his make up when he stands beside you. Carefully you leave a kiss on his cheek.

"And you can be my sidekick." Vic looks at him happily. "As Thomas, the idiot here, isn't matching anymore, but we would be the perfect fit."

"We're ready to go then."

"No," Vic says, "We aren't. Your partner in crime here still has to answer a question."

"I won't be offended, I promise." Thomas says, "I'm not gonna haunt you or something like that."

"What question are we talking about?" Ethan asks.

"Fuck, marry, kill. You, Damiano, Thomas."

"What an interesting question." Ethan looks at you. "I would like to know the answer as well."

"Marry Ethan."

"Obviously." Vic and Thomas say simultaneously, Ethan next to you laughs.

"Kill," you swallow, "Damiano."

You can feel, how Ethan looks at you. You can see, how Thomas' eyes flicker for a few seconds - then they turn completely white which is new, before you have to look away.

"That only leaves Thomas to fuck," Vic points out - you're sure, you are all aware, "Guess humans are too boring."

You wouldn't say that humans, like Vic and Damiano, are too boring but she has a point, you have to admit. After getting together with a vampire, Ethan being the gentlestest soul you have ever known, you wouldn't go back. There's so many stories he can tell, so much wisdom, so much fun, you wouldn't change it for the world, even when you're aware of the danger. What's a little danger for all the fun you can have? Maybe she's right, they are too boring. Thomas draws you in like a moth is drawn by the lights, you would have chosen Thomas anyways.

"We can leave then," Vic says and smirks at you and then at Thomas who nervously plays with the hem of his skirt, "Thanks for the interesting answer. Who would have known?"

Somehow you all didn't think about the fact, that Ethan's wings won't fit through the doors. It ends in a lot of giggling, Vic and you going out of the door first, grabbing one wing each carefully, and getting him through the door, while Thomas looks on. You know, you could have taken them off again, but where's the fun in that. On the way, people look at him, he hits some people with his wings and apologises profoundly to each of them. Going into the bar, Ethan, Vic and you repeat the same procedure as to get him out of the house.

You are already sweaty from dancing with Vic and Ethan when you get yourself a new drink later in the night, Ethan and Vic in the toilets to reapply Ethan's make up. Thomas went to look for Damiano when you arrived earlier, you have only seen him dancing with a girl and some guy laughing at his eyes during the evening. But sometimes, you can feel the heat creeping up on you but you can't see him anywhere. Like now, and then there's arms wrapping around your waist. Thomas' chin on your shoulder, his warmth is giving you the chills.

"You didn't have to say that just because Damiano wasn't there." His breath is hot against your ear. His body too close to yours, you shiver. It's too hot, to be cold but it shakes you to have him so close. Thomas doesn't step back when you turn around in his arms.

"That wasn't the reason, Thom."

"You sure? That wasn't a lie?"

Shuffling even closer, he puts one of his hands on your cheek. All his heat flowing through your body. Out of nowhere there's a quiet peng and Ethan stands next to you. Thomas startles a little and draws himself back, looking at Ethan apologetically.

"You don't have to stop just because of me." Ethan grins, puts one hand on your ass and pinches slightly.

Thomas looks at both of you unsure, his adam's apple bobbing. You bite your lip.

"Oh, I know this look." Ethan says, "That earlier wasn't a lie. I know."

And then, with a snap of his fingers, he's gone again, leaving you behind. Behind with a Thomas that looks at you nervously.

"I'll never get used to him doing this," he says.

Before there can be said anything else, the girl he danced with earlier turns up to get him. He leaves a light, hasty, sweet kiss on the corner of your mouth. Then he's gone and you're on your way back to Ethan again. You always find him, he makes it easy for you, you always find him when he wants to be found, your feet are just leading the way, when you want to turn the wrong direction they always stop and push you into the correct one. Another weird thing, you had to get used to. Magical but nonetheless, weird. Some clichés you had about vampires ruined during this time - No garlic? I'm Italian; No churches? I'm Italian; All lies. Sunlight just slightly hurts but with the right SPF everything is possible. You learned some new things as well, like this. It doesn't take long, he's sitting in a corner on a plush sofa.

"I thought, he isn't your type." Ethan says when you sit down next to him.

"He isn't." You draw circles and stars on his exposed stomach with your finger. "But have you looked at him?"

"Yes, babe. I see him every day." He smirks. "And he can be the goodest boy or a little shit, maybe we should find out …"

How that would translate into having him in your bed, you think.

Ethan's smirk gets even wider.

"Heeeey, get out of my head," you complain but laugh, "You intruder."

"Sorry. But I would really like to stay here for a bit longer, if you don't mind. They taste delicious today."

You let him. He's talking about your thoughts, you know. Ethan's species of vampires can read the minds of their loved ones, a feature only a vampire in love possesses, you learned this as well. They can feed on blood and thoughts. Ethan never takes advantage of it, usually he asks if he's allowed in, tries not to intrude or make it his advantage that he knows what you are thinking. But you also know, that sometimes, like today, his vampiristic traits want to take over because this is yet another thing you learned. The most vampire thing is for them to gather knowledge about the things surrounding them.

"We should try getting him there." He places a kiss to your temple.

Besides Ethan building up the heat in your core, with whispering dirty things into your ears, grazing your neck lightly with his fangs - leaving faint lipstick stains behind - or commenting on Thomas' long legs in that skirt, the night goes and ends with any further accidents. You almost think, that Thomas went home with the girl earlier but when Ethan and you're gathering your stuff, he's there to leave together with you.

For some reason, you get Ethan out of the door and into his home, the same way you got him out earlier in the day, instead of taking the wings off. Thomas watches when you take the wings off Ethan's shoulders. You can see the longingly stare again.

"I miss my wings," he says when he sees your questioning face. He wraps his arms around himself. "They were the fluffiest wings, with the softest feathers, and the most comforting. It was nice to wrap them around myself or to wrap them around others."

You look at Ethan, who nods and you go to Thomas to hug him sideways, leave a kiss in his hair: "I'm sure, you had the most beautiful wings in heaven, but I'm also sure, you're the hottest and cutest demon in hell."

Thomas blushes, before he excuses himself and says that he'll be back in a few minutes. You can hear how the wind is getting louder outside, how it whistles through the windows. You had a feeling it would rain all day. Sitting down next to Ethan, who still wears his flower crown, he almost automatically pulls you into his lap. He kisses you passionately, lets his hands wander over your hips, under your top to caress your back. You can hear how the rain starts dropping against the windows, before Thomas comes back into the living room.

"I should go to bed in my room," Thomas says when he sees you sitting on top of Ethan.

"Or you could join us in ours," Ethan says against your lips - but he isn't looking at you. "If you're interested."

You can't see Thomas' reaction behind you, but Ethan pulling you in for another kiss, wilder then the one before, pushing his tongue into your mouth, sneaking his hand under your skirt and Thomas breath hitching gets it away. When you get up from the couch, you can see how Thomas' eyes flicker with excitement and how he licks his lips. You leave a kiss on his lips. You're the first leaving for the bedroom - Ethan and Thomas staying behind to smoke a cigarette - Ethan slapping your butt lightly on the way out. You aren't complaining, it gives you time to undress yourself, except for your black and golden panties and to get comfortable on the bed - even a little bit too comfortable. You let your hands wander over your own body, down to your stomach and into your underwear, you close your eyes. You can feel that you're getting wet and when you lightly touch your clit, you let out a loud moan. And another moan when you can hear the door click, seconds later feel Ethan's hand in your hair.

"You playing with yourself?" Ethan whispers into your ear. At the same time, his other hand takes the same way, your own did before. Down your neck, a calloused thumb gliding over your nipple, further down over your stomach, he draws a circle around your navel before dipping his hand into your panties. Touching you only lightly, you try to buck up your hips, to get more of his touch. Instead of getting more he takes your hand and pulls it out of your panties. An unhumanly hot tongue around your fingers is the next thing, you can feel, it has you open your eyes. Ethan holds your wrist in a tight grip, while Thomas enthusiastically and sloppily sucks on your fingers. He moans around your fingers and his eyes turn white again. You have already seen it one time before today. First you thought, it's only another way his excitement shows and it is. But he's not only excited, he's aroused. It has you moan as well. With a loud plop he lets them go. Before you can pull them back, Ethan licks over your fingers as well, his tongue cold. You shiver.

Ethan gets his hands back into your hair and pulls you up on your knees. Slowly you take off Ethan's blazer, kissing over his toned muscles, his skin feeling cold to your touch. Just when you kiss his nipple, you can feel another hand in your hair, long fingers. Thomas pulls you into a filthy kiss - it's a lot of tongue, his tongue hotter than anything you have ever felt, pulling your hair as he pleases. You take off his blazer, his skin hot under your fingertips. Under your tongue, when you let it wander over his neck artery, when you lick and bite into his stomach. Next to you, Ethan takes off his trousers without making a big show out of it. Thomas puts hands on the waistband of his skirt to get it off as well, you look up to him, lips still on his warm stomach. When he sees your face, he stops himself, instead he only takes off his briefs and leaves the white stockings and the skirt on.

"Trick or Treat?" Ethan asks.

"What's the treat?" you want to know.

"A surprise."

"And the trick?" you ask.

"You'll have to find out," he looks at you and smiles.

"Trick!"

"Good girl!" It's coming from Thomas, not what you expected. You expected Ethan would be the trick as you can have him as a treat every day, but you apparently where mistaken.

You put a hand on his thigh, under his skirt, your head follows and you leave kisses all over his upper thigh. He radiates so much heat, you moan. But before you can put your lips around his dick, he pulls you back by your hair.

"No cara, I don't want you to burn yourself like that."

You swallow, when you look at him. If he thinks, he runs too hot to blow him, how hot is he going to feel other places, when he …

Ethan getting behind you on the bed, snaps you out of your thoughts. He's sitting against the headboard, he looks beautiful, his long black hair with the white flowers - otherwise naked - pulling you with him between his legs. His skin touches yours, his cold skin against yours that feels more and more heated thanks to Thomas. It has you whimpering, going from one opposite to the other. Getting down on the bed, Thomas' skirt slips a little bit and he bats his lashes at you when he readjusts it.

"Spread your legs for him," Ethan whispers and bites into your earlobe, almost nibbles on it. You do spread your legs, Thomas coming closer, skirt slightly swinging before he is between your legs, puts his warm hands on your waist and his hot lips on your shoulder, lipgloss sticks to your skin. "Can I stay in your head?"

Yes, he can stay. You want him there, you trust him. It is never an unpleasant feeling, just feeling his presence on another level. You know, he wants to because this is new, because Thomas is there. You wonder if this would work with him as well, with a demon. Ethan laughs against your ear while Thomas sucks on your neck until he left a hickey and looks at you: "I can't read your mind."

"Sorry," you pull him up to kiss him, "I was just wondering, if this would work with you too, Ethan getting into your thoughts?"

"I probably would have to leave him in," he tilts his head, "I don't think he can otherwise do it or … not sure if that would work at all."

Thomas is kissing down your neck again, between your boobs, then your thighs, leaving more sticky lipgloss - the right one first, then the left one. You are writhing in Ethan's arms. Thomas kisses the fabric of your panties, licks over the fabric and then lightly sucks at your clit through the fabric. Slowly, so slowly, he's taking your underwear off, lets it glide off your legs. Then he puts his lips on your clit again, drawing circles, before moving down and licking over your entrance, licking into your pussy. Pushing his tongue in and out, still so slowly. Sloppy, sticky, hot - you're sure the lipgloss is completely off his lips now.

"How does that feel?" Ethan still asks even though, he knows. He can see all your thoughts, he knows how it feels for you what Thomas is doing with you.

You grab for Ethan's arm, clawing at it - pressing your nails into his skin. The heat is travelling through all of your body, your toes curling in pleasure: "Hot, good, so good. God, god fuck, it feels so hot."

You enjoy it, but it's so much, you yank at his hair to get him off. It's too much, too hot. You feel like burning. From the outside and the inside.

"Sorry," Thomas looks up at you - your hand still in his hair, "I'm trying not to overheat."

One second ago, you thought how it is too hot but you want him to be what he is, to not restrict himself. To show his demonic self. You can hear how Ethan says something to him but you can't register what is being said. Thomas is even getting a bit warmer on top of you, pressing his warm lips to your throat again. Ethan sneaks his arm around you, between Thomas' and your body. Thomas whimpers, Ethan's cold hand also touching his skin before he lets his fingers dance over your skin. He pushes one of his cold fingers into you, cooling you down, it's soothing, and then a second one. Until Thomas adds one of his slim nimble, and above all hot, fingers. Hotter than before. You wish, he would put his tongue somewhere on you again. Ethan pulls Thomas by his hair to your nipple - he puts his mouth on you. He licks over your nipple and then switches to the other one. You whine when Ethan pinches the one Thomas isn't grazing his teeth over, cold slowly taking over again, while Thomas sucks on your other one.

He lets go of your nipple, and sits up. Thomas lifts his skirt playfully. Shows you a bit of skin, shows his hairy thighs, lets it fall down again. Plays with his stockings, then lifts his skirt completely. He's a tease. He teases you even more when he gets between your legs again, pushing his dick between your folds, before he pushes in to you. Thousand little flames are lighting up everywhere in your body. He teases more, pulling back and stopping until you push against him. He still pulls back, grinning at you, before he pushes into you again, harder this time. But he remains playful all the way. Playful and sweet but teasing and passionate. You wonder if it has to do with him being an angel before becoming a demon. There's no time to think about it further, Thomas pushes your legs upwards against your upper body, Ethan ghosting his lips along your neck, probably still leaving light lipstick marks on your skin. It's so hot and he gets so deep, you almost scream and you shake in Ethan's arm. You can't tell if you just came or not. Thomas stops, making sure you are okay, before building up a rhythm. It reminds you of the first time with Ethan, when he played a mindtrick on you - you wanted to try it, but you don't do it often now, passionate but too draining for both of you.

Calm is still washing over you. First you thought Thomas' ways of being calming to be out of place, for a demon of all creatures, but Thomas disagreed with you. Demons have to be calming, or at least know how to be calming because it's easier to possess people, he explained. He chuckled when you pointed out his chaotic tendecies. Everyone has their flaws, he said, even a fallen angel. Sometimes you see how he possesses Vic just for fun and for the chaos that it leads to, Vic an unwilling participant for the most part, always complaining to you it feels like he's trashing her insides but that it's wildly satisfying and mostly she laughs about it with him together when the chaos is over. Otherwise you never asked how possession works or how it looks like or what he's doing as a demon - you trust him nonetheless.

"Are you sure, you should be this trusting," Ethan whispers into your ear, so that Thomas can't hear him, "He's a demon after all?"

Ethan drags his teeth and especially his fangs over the skin on your neck and then over the sensitive skin on your neck. You trust him as well, even though he's a vampire. He wouldn't bite you, drain you, sometimes he just pierces your skin softly with his sharp fangs to get a little taste of blood but never more. Thomas alters his rhythm slightly and gets your full attention back in a heartbeat. You moan, and then you moan into Thomas' mouth, one hand buried in his hair and the other one pulling at Ethan's hair behind you, knocking off the flower crown that was still on his head.

"You should ride him. Thomas deserves a Halloween treat as well, right?"

You turn around together, to get on top of him. Thomas moans, holding you, both of you moving your hips in the same rhythm. The little flames are still dancing - the light of the lamp on the bedside table flickers. Outside is lightning, thunder not too far behind. Thomas is sweaty, he's so unbelievable sweaty under you, his hair a mess, his bangs clinging to his forehead. Sweat on his throat that you lick away, your tongue tingling.

Interested you see how there's black reddish smoke coming from between Thomas' lips but he draws it back before you can get closer. He looks at Ethan.

"I'm not the one you have to ask. If you both want to."

He looks at you again: "Can I?"

"What?" You only have a vague idea.

"Get in you."

You thrust your hips downwards. He chuckles: "Not that kind of in."

He looks at you smiling, tiny bits of smoke still swirling in the air, and you realise that he means possessing you. You nod, you want this, you want to know how it feels. Thomas puts his hand on the back of your neck and then kisses you open-mouthed, the smoke still swirling between you, then leaving Thomas' body to find it's way into yours. If anything else before felt like burning and a thousand little fires, this feels like forest fire settling low in your stomach. On it's way Thomas touches something in you that you can't quite place.

You can feel how Thomas' skin gets colder, his eye colour turning into a pleasant grey-ish green, flickering only lightly. In the same moment, your body heat spikes up. You can feel how your eyes go through the motions like Thomas' before. They flicker because of Thomas' and your own excitement, you go to a dark place when they turn into black orbs, you feel Thomas' passion and wild rage taking over your body when they turn red and they stop at white, you both being incredibly aroused.

This time you can feel your orgasm build up, it's slow. Never did it feel this slow before. Ever. It builds up and up and up, but you don't release. You can't. You want to, but you can't.

"You can let go, it's gonna feel good for both of us."

It sends sparks through your body, Ethan got up and behind you, slowly grazing his fangs over your throat. Thomas pulls you down into a sloppy kiss, draws his demon back, the smoke between you, when you cum and cum and cum. It doesn't stop, it holds on for so long, you almost get dizzy, your head spinning. You crash down over him, he leaves gentle kisses in your hair and on your face while you still shake and whine. And then you can feel how he shakes as well, how he cums and moans into your mouth, his eyes white. The light turns off completely, it turns on again when he holds you in his arm, his breath slowly evening out.

"Vic said this hurts?" you mumble against his lips. You are curious, because it didn't. It didn't hurt, a little unusual. But otherwise there was just blinding pleasure and comfort.

"Yes," he mumbles back, "but you gave yourself willingly and it was for pleasure, not for chaos. She's always so shocked when I do it."

You stay like this, twirling strands of his hair between your fingers, you both breathing together and Ethan behind you drawing a pattern on your back.

"Ethan deserves a treat as well, don't you think?" He chuckles, it's cute. "And he's your treat as well."

You're tired and so calm in Thomas' arms but deep down in your soul you know, that you want to pleasure Ethan as well. And then it hits you, that Thomas touched your soul when he was possessing you. Before them, you never thought about the fact that your human flesh might house something else than organs. But then Ethan came around, a vampire with a soul, who explained that there are such and such, some with and some without - it depends on how they were created. And Thomas, a demon, that shouldn't have a soul but the longer you thought about it, and about your own, you think there's still something like a store somewhere in him. Ethan looks at you for a second, before looking at Thomas, showing him his fangs. Even Thomas seems to be intimidated by them, he recoils.

"I didn't take anything, I swear!"

"You better not."

It reminds you, how dangerous this is. You're between a demon that could do god knows what with your soul and body, burning through your skin, and a vampire that could drain all your blood from you. They wouldn't, you know - you trust them. But the possibility still remains, you shiver. You feel hot all over again. Ethan gives him another look before you get off Thomas with a heavy heart to give Ethan your undivided attention. Getting up, you can see how Thomas' cum is black. Such a stark contrast to Ethan's translucent one you are so used to.

"I thought, you told me, it's normal," Ethan says.

"It is," Thomas rolls his eyes, "Usually it is, I'm not having sex as a demon that often. It's too hard to control myself and only then it happens."

For a second or two, you ask yourself how that would look like, Thomas not controlling himself. In your bed. You bite your lips, Ethan growls at him and Thomas' eyes turn the darkest black you've ever seen, then a blazing shade of red before going back to normal. You kiss Thomas again, before Ethan pulls you back and kisses you possessively, leaving lipstick behind. He lays you down on the bed again, your head hitting the mattress - Thomas pulls your head onto his thigh, you leave a kiss on his skin and play with the hem of his skirt.

Ethan spreads your legs, he kisses you, cooling you completely down when he thrusts into you. He finds a rhythm quicker than Thomas, being used to you, to your needs, probably still being in your head, knowing exactly what you want. His thumb slowly circling your clit - Thomas slowly carding his fingers through your hair. Biting your tongue, you can taste the metallic taste of blood. Ethan kisses you, his lipstick already smudged, lets your tongues swirls together, moans when he gets blood on his tongue.

Ethan has more strength than Thomas and he shows it off, fucking you into the mattress. He's not letting you cum. He makes it look like, it's your choice but all three of you know that it's just show. It's his decision, not really yours anymore but one time he doesn't stop you.

"When you cum, Thomas can use the paddle on you." It gets you so excited, you almost don't stop yourself. "Or you can use it on him, whatever is worse."

In the end, you do control yourself, when you see Thomas looking intimidated, his eyes going wide. But you also see interest flashing in his eyes. Even more interest and fascination reflects on his face when Ethan bites into your throat, exactly where Thomas left a hickey earlier, he's still fucking you, and draws blood from you. Cold lips on your throat, your eyes are rolling back, Thomas licking his lips. Ethan cums before you, still sucking on your throat but it doesn't take you long to follow.

All three of you are a cuddle pile, exhausted. There's Thomas' sticky lipgloss everywhere, Ethan's lipstick - smudged, stains on your skin, dark eyeshadow - wiped away, Thomas' mascara - also smudged. You know, that you don't look any better, you're happy.

"You really didn't take anything?" Ethan wants to know again, he wants reassurance for something. He puts his hands around Thomas' throat, you putting your hands on his forearm, and he loosens his grip.

"I wouldn't, I would never! You know that!"

Ethan gets his hands off then, looking at him apologetically and whispering a silent sorry.

"What are you taking?" You ask, you put your arm around his hips, your other one around Ethan's. You know a lot about vampire lore and Ethan's history but you still don't know that much about him, you would like to know more.

"The souls of people who made a pact with Satan. And … Some here and there, consensually, of course. I would never take some for myself when my opposite doesn't want to give. And I would never only take a part of it," he looks at Ethan angrily. It seems like he was accused of a greater crime than just taking a soul.

"Why?"

Thomas sighs, and Ethan sighs as well.

"Some demons only take parts of human souls, it fucks them up completely, it's worse than when you just take them whole, it makes most humans go insane and …," he swallows, "Some of them just have fun feasting on the best chunks. I wouldn't. I only touched because it looked so pretty and warm, I'm sorry."

"I know, I'm sorry too, I'm just protective." He presses a kiss to Thomas' sweaty forehead - leaving a smudged lipstick stain there as well, to his sweaty bangs and you do the same.

"What happened to your wings?" Your own curiosity is taking over now, Ethan caresses your shoulders and Thomas takes your hand for a short moment.

He rolls out of bed, still dressed in the yellow skirt, the white stockings slipped down. Ethan is behind you, holding you securily in his arms. Your breath catches in your throat and you can hear the little oh Ethan breathes into your ear.

Thomas' wings are a dirty grey, some dirt sticking to them, a tiny bit of blood. You can see that he stopped taking care of them a long time ago, but for the most part, you see that his wings are clipped. It breaks a piece of your heart to see it, and this is new, you can feel something break in Ethan too. Snap - just like that. It's a weird moment to know something like this, but in this moment you know that you two belong together. And still Thomas' wings are one of the most beatiful things you have ever seen.

"Could I touch them?" You don't want to be rude but the feathers are drawing you in like a magnet.

"They are dirty," he blushes.

"We can wash them," you offer.

"We all have to shower anyways," Ethan says, "You can go, I'll do the bed first."

You get him under the shower and Thomas shudders and shakes his wings at you when the water is still too cold for him, hits his wings and then your face, you laugh. Carefully you wash them with a soft sponge you found hidden deep in Ethan's bathroom cabinets.

"Why did you become a demon?" There's still the fear to overstep but he seems open for the conversation.

"You know why Ethan turned? Same reason, but I did it out of my own will."

Love. That was the reason.

Ethan was a normal person at the beginning of the 1800's. He opened one of the first bookshops in Italy. You suspect that his old love for books as a human only amplified the love for knowledge a vampire has even more in his undead life. He was in love with a girl who wasn't allowed to see him, because her father thought she could have something better than him. So they met during dark nights, having dinner together in fields. Until one night, he didn't make it home. He died that night on the way home. He fell, his oil lamp falling with him, catching his feet and the next day only his corpse could be found. The girl felt deep guilt and blamed herself, like Ethan having a knack for the occult, she searched the hidden section in his bookstore until she found something interesting. She had a cat jump over his corpse to become a vampire. It looked like it didn't work but three nights later, he was standing in front of her, in one piece, no burn mark except one on his body, with fangs and an unquenchable thirst for blood. You asked how he felt with it but he reassured you, that it was absolutely fine; he can't remember the way home, or dying, there's no trauma. Just a pair of fangs - could have been worse.

"Can I ask what happened? Who did this to you?"

"I played dice with Satan to safe the soul of a loved one. I … I lost. So I gambled my own soul, to have another chance at it. I won, she released the soul of my loved one but kept mine instead. I should have read the fine print on which conditions she would have play me again, I was never suppossed to get both back. But stupid trusting me having faith, went for a another game, I already lost my soul and already knew I would be cast out of heaven. She offered me that she'll let me go, live a soulless life with my loved one, but leave us and any offspring past that alone, forever. I went for it, it went okay, I was finally lucky until I wasn't and I lost. In return she kept me in hell for fifthy years and had the pleasure to turn a fallen angel into a demon unwillingly." He looks at you, and you look back, carefully washing away at his wings. "She cheated on me, she played with a loaded dice."

"Was it -, was it for another angel?"

"No, she was human, like you or Vic. She lived a long and fulfilled live, had kids who had kids who had kids who had kids who had kids and so on over the years. She died a long time ago, but I still visit the family from time to time. I'm still always invited for birthdays." He smiles at you sadly. "I … I would do it again, you know. I would always do it again, if it means she had a peaceful happy life in the end, I would do it."

"I'm sorry." You don't know what else to say. You remember some yellowed, old looking photographs in Thomas' wallet, you can have a guess now that this is her family and somehow his as well.

"It's not too bad, it could be worse," he smiles, "I love the chaos I can cause, I could have never in heaven, even when I would have liked too and I would have liked to, believe me, and some things are more of a perk than a burden. It's okay, trust me."

Ethan joins you in the bathroom as well, he washes his face first, before having a look into the shower.

"You okay in here?"

"Yes," you smile at him, "Could you just hold that wing, he always moves it when I touch there, I just can't clean that one spot."

Ethan does you the favour, smiling at Thomas, who in turn isn't having it at all. His wing is flapping again and he splashes Ethan with water that drops out of the feathers.

"Lets try the other way around," you say and hold Thomas' wing again, "Can you clean it?"

The sponge hits Ethan' face - Thomas giggles.

Ethan somehow does manage and you finally get out of the shower. All clean, getting wrapped into warm and fluffy towels.

"Sorry that these are still grey."

"Don't worry, they won't get any better, they are supposed to be a shiny silver but that's long gone."

"It's still a lovely colour." You kiss the tip of his nose.

Ethan kisses your cheek: "We can have some tea in bed and I stole some cake from the party."

You raise his eyebrows at him, sounds more like a Thomas' thing to do.

"I'm full of surprises! It's shaped like little bats, how could I not?" He laughs and you kiss him lovingly. Thomas looks at the floor, you kiss him as well. Not because you feel sorry for him, but because you want to. Ethan smiles at you both.

You all have tea together in bed, the cake Ethan nicked from the party on a plate between you. You are talking more about Ethan's earlier life, but also about Thomas' earlier life - your head rests on Ethan's shoulder. Thomas tells you something about another stint in hell because he refused to get a soul from someone who didn't want to let it go, but that after this he met Vic. And how he mostly prefers being a chaotic, independent demon over being an angel bound to heaven. It eases you a little bit.

When all the cake is eaten and the teacups are empty, Thomas wants to leave and go to his own bed. Ethan and you look at each other, it's not an option. You pull him back into bed and Thomas smiles shyly at both at you but doesn't complain.

Thomas was right, he has the fluffiest wings, it's the most comforting experience, there's still a thunderstorm outside: You fall asleep with Thomas' wings wrapped around Ethan and your own body.

.#####.

END.

.#####.

Trivia (aka useless facts about this, with me, a section no one ever asked for):

Elle Woods - Legally BlondeCher Horowitz - Clueless Lilies and roses - Lilies represent the Holy Spirit and stand for the link to the afterlife. Roses "attract angels of love" and they strengthen and cultivate new relationships. Bookstores in Italy - The first bookstore in Italy was opened in 1810 in Genoa Legend about Pope Sylvester II - The legend says he played dice with the devil to become pope

.#####.

Taglist: @writingmaneskin, @oro-e-diamanti, @iamtashaquinn, @teenyweenynightghost, @findaqueenwithoutaking, @foreveryking-thatdied, @findoutwhoyougonnacall, @maneskinbrainrot, @little-moonbeam-666, @ethaneskin, @maneskin-dimensione, @l0standn0tf0und, @butkutee, @gr8rainbowpunk, @maneslut, @maneskintifoso, @weareoddlydrawn, @hiraetheral, @imjustanerdwholikestoread, @cuzimitaliano, @hopelessromantic727, @dating-villain, @maneskinsimp, @lauraosheaoh, @till-you-scream-and-cry, @wonderlandishell, @h1ppieth1ngs, @paralianeyes, @roisinmillar, @livvyysstuff, @que--sera--sera

#thomas raggi #ethan torchio #maneskin #måneskin #my writing #maneskin fiction #maneskin smut #maneskin x reader #thomas raggi x reader #thomas raggi x y/n #ethan torchio x reader #ethan torchio x y/n #maneskin x y/n #maneskin imagine #maneskin fanfic #fanfiction #thomas raggi x reader x ethan torchio

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fvrxdrm · 3 years ago

Note

Chamber x fem or gn reader general romance/fluff? 🥺

5 times

Pairing: Chamber x Bi!Reader

Warning(s): None, slight angst

An AU of some sort???

I wrote this right after I woke up bc this popped out of my dream so I’m basing this off of my dream alone. And if this sucks, I am genuinely apologizing.

*****

4 times Chamber didn't confess his love and 1 time he did.

One

It was the giggles that sailed upon your boat, the laughter, the smiles. You both saw the funny in everything and that was your bond. You could be serious, too; you loved deeply of others more than what was generally accepted. So, you guessed the humor was how you let out the tension that kind of love brings. In those silly moments you were perfect, and they were the sweetness you needed in rough times. That's what friends do, right? It's the love that makes doors in emotional brick walls, the love that makes everything possible.

That's what Chamber always thought. It was so cordial and unique in a way that he felt like what he valued so much was somehow outlandish and alien. He couldn't distinguish what comes out of him whenever you were with him and every tingle that raises hills on his skin was a puzzle he was unable to solve.

"I'll see you around," you mumbled against his chest.

"Yes, mon cher." Chamber unwrapped his arms around you albeit slowly, reluctant for some reason, and smiled through his pursed lips. "I will see you around."

He watched as you wended your way from his house and into your home, a teasing tug pulling his lips at the ghost of your own against his cheek.

Two

Under the dim lights and the colorful ornamentations, your raiment sparkled against the gleam, catching the eye of many guests, predominantly Chamber. You looked like a princess wearing a headband that imitated a crown, a top and a pair of pants embellished with a winking glint that could be mistaken as diamonds from afar, and heeled leather boots that comically made you look tall. Your hair was in a loose and messy braid with a few strands hanging just beside your face and a light chain that twisted along your H/L H/C locks.

Chamber was in awe, no doubt. His focus was glued to your appearance. Even when his friends were making random conversations with him, he found it unbearably hard to keep his chocolate browns away from you.

"You should just ask her out, you know. You've been staring at her the entire night," Phoenix spoke as he followed Chamber’s gaze towards you.

Chamber broke away from his stupor and shook his head at his fellow radiant, his blood rushing towards his neck and face.

"What? No, no. You are mistaken. I-I do not like her like that."

"You sure? Last time we were drunk you basically wrote a poem for her."

"We were intoxicated, mon ami."

"And? What's that saying again? A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts?" Phoenix simpered as Chamber’s eyes widened in surprise.

"What? That is not true!" He denied.

"Mhm, sure. Anyway, Jett’s probably looking for me. At least ask her to dance."

As Phoenix's footsteps faded away into the beat of the music, Chamber thought about what he had said.

Did he actually like her, or was it just something he was confusing himself with? Either way, you were still a treasured dear to him and whether or not his heart was intimately beating for you, he would still value you the same, although he would probably be a bit clingier if you did end up together.

For now, he'll just ask you for a dance, go with the flow, and see what happens.

Three

Fire filled the night beside you as you and Chamber laid against under the constellation of stars and talked the night away, smiling and laughing at every jest that was told.

"This one," you began, leading his fingers towards a raised and silvery part of your skin, "I got this when I was younger. I got stabbed by a pencil."

"A pencil?"

"Yeah. My friend and I got into a fight and it was buried, like, 3-fucking-inches inside of me. And holy shit, my teacher didn't fucking notice it while I was bleeding so badly. I was leaking hamburger helper!"

Chamber busted a gut and pulled you towards him even more as he shook in laughter.

You went on and on about the most absurd things that had happen during your childhood until you lost all energy and eventually fell asleep in Chamber's arms.

You looked peaceful, he thought. Your face was so serene as if nothing had really affected you in any way. The world was cruel, but you only sought for the brighter side and stood along it with your back turned to the hell it truly bore. Your lips were parted lightly, and hair just a tad bit messy from all the exaggerated movements you'd done while telling your stories and tossing your head back while laughing. A part of your skin was showing as your top rode up, and he couldn't help the blush that crawled up to his face when he realized that his hand was rested on that patch of skin.

He smiled.

Maybe he did like you, or love you. If his admiration wasn't enough, then his heart was his affirmation.

Four

"Oh, fuck!"

You swam away from Chamber as fast as your arms and legs could fight against the water as he chased you, muscles and quads aiding him. Compared to you, he was more skilled in this type of stuff while you had chicken legs with barely anything of assistance. So, it was no surprise when he caught up to you with spider hands and wrapped his arms around your waist. He tickled your stomach, the bareness of it making the stimulation all the more patent and making you guffaw while squirming in his arms.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry!" You cried in between laughter. You turned around to face him when you felt his hands making a stop against the side of torso and looked at his eyes steadily and intensely.

You didn't notice it, but Chamber's breath hitched at the proximity of your faces, the hot air that flew out of your nose hitting the droplets on his face. You were in a daze. Both of you. It felt so intimate and bona fide that for a second that was your only reality.

Your fingers trailed up his chest, neck, and finally his cheek, and for a moment, your hand was still on his face with only your thumb moving to stroke his skin. Chamber furrowed his brows. The inside of your lip was lightly bitten as you thought about your next action for a moment. But decided that fuck it, life is short. If he felt the same way than congrats! But if he didn't, well, it's either he'll pull away or kiss back without any reason. And hey, what's the matter with making out with your best friend?

And so, you drew a bit closer, albeit rather slowly in case Chamber wanted to pull away. But seeing as he was copying your motions, you saw his intention and pressed your lips against his in a shy lip-lock.

Five

Chamber tugged on his tie as he looked at the people dancing around inside of the venue, his heart doing a little dance of its own when he saw you smiling with the crowd.

He blew a sigh, the breeze intertwining with the air. He could see the party from the balcony: flashes of different color schemes, the swaying of dresses as the women moved, the chattering of people as they drank the glasses of champagne. He couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe this was all about you and him; two souls entwined by love.

"I see you didn't invite me," a sultry and velvety voice said from beside him. He knew who it was and it didn't faze him anymore to see her appearing uninvited as she always did.

"What are you doing here, Viper?"

"What, I can't go see two of my favorite people anymore?"

"Well, it always ended in a mess, anyway, alors à quoi ça sert." Viper chuckled in response and leaned back against the railing, the smile her giggling left still ghosting on her face. It was all jokes, fun, and games to her for a moment until she turned serious and gazed at you from a distance where you couldn't notice.

"Take care of each other, Vincent. You both are worth more than what you give yourselves credit for," she muttered. "I wish I could've given her the life you're giving to her now. But I can't, and I'll remain like this until I die."

In the depths of her mind, Viper reminisced on the time when she was in Chamber's position. She gave the love you needed and wanted, and cared for you in so many ways. But she was a mercenary, a wanted one at that, and she knew that one day, everything would be thrown into a void or burned until it turned to ashes. So, she broke what you had off and handed you to Chamber where he could give you a better life.

Chamber couldn't say anything. It seemed rude and odd but he remembered when you knocked on his door, drenched in rain water and sobbing everything from your chest. It hurt to see you like that. And so, he promised. He promised to be the best husband he could ever be and shower you with everything he could give you.

"Chamber!" Your voice rang out as you ran towards him with a wide smile on your face, startling the both of them.

Chamber turned towards where Viper stood but saw that she was gone as if she was nothing but an apparition that was made by his mind.

He was befuddled for a moment, pondering about his encounter with the woman, but found his heart racing as you came closer to him.

What transpired was long forgotten and all the world could see how Chamber mimicked the smile that defined the joy you brought to him. He was just happy to share such a beautiful moment with you and he optimistically wondered about what was ahead of you.

He pulled you towards him and spun you around as he battered your face with kisses, whispering 'I love you's and so many more sweet nothings against your cheeks while you laughed in his arms.

Hidden within the shadows was the raven-haired woman, imitating their smiles as she watched the intimacy from afar. She felt like her mission was done and although it hurt, she was thankful for what she'd done. Chamber was going to give you the life you deserved and he was going to fill the holes she'd left.

#chamber #valorant chamber x reader #valorant chamber #chamber x reader #valorant x reader #valorant

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givemethatgold · 4 years ago

Text

Fix’er Upper - Part 13

Pairing: Frankie Morales x Fem! Reader Warnings: Talk of parent death Length: 2.1k words Notes: Okay bitches here we go. I’ve got 3 kids doing online schooling, a desk chair that just broke while I was halfway through typing this out, a raging headache, and couldn’t be fucked to edit. I love you al, thank you for sticking with me and this little brain baby of mine. My guidance counselor from high school can suck my dick, “You’re not a creative writer, Cher, you should considering taking Home Ec as an elective instead” I digress....

Series Masterlist

"No." You glared at him and squeezed his hand harder, "You're doing that thing again.

Frankie's head whipped over to stare at you, shocked by your assertive tone.

"You're pulling away. You're stressed, out of your depth, don't know how to deal with it and so you're pulling away again-"

"You don't understand," Frankie interrupted you, shaking his head and trying to pull his hands out of your grasp. This only served to strengthen your resolve, and your grip on him.

"No." You declare again, trying to stay calm and have a mature conversation despite the tension and running emotions. "You told me to give you time to get your thoughts straight and vocalized. I can't do that if I'm not here to hear them. I can't understand your predicament if I leave. So," You moved so you're sitting cross-legged in front of him, making eye contact in an effort to show him he had your full attention. "Why don't you tell me what that phone call was about so we can start figuring it out, together."

The situation was more complex than you ever could have imagined. Frankie's ex-wife, Karla, had died. Her car had been hit by a drunk driver. Annie, thank the gods, hadn't been in the car at the time. Before she'd died at the hospital, Karla had managed to say a few words to the paramedics. At the time they didn't make sense, however, the paramedic had taken the time to write the words down and included the scrap of paper with the patient's chart. This evidence, as it turned out, had been monumental during the resulting legal battle for Annie, all of which took place without Frankie even being notified.

Child services, lawyers, extended family, and even doctors had been involved in the court proceedings. All arguing over the future of the six-year-old girl. All believing that they knew what was best for her, most believing that she should live with them, some having the gall to pretend that they weren't aware of the sizable life insurance payout she was about to receive.

Eight words. Eight simple, beautiful words whispered through the broken, bloody lips of a woman who knew she was about to die. A young girl's future was being held in suspense, and as fate would have it, a wise and sentimental judge was overseeing her case. Eight words were all it took to convince him that Annie's mother knew what was best for her own child.

"Francisco Morales. Trust with her, he's ready now."

From the time Frankie had received the phone call from Karla's family lawyer, the two of you had two days to prepare for Annie's arrival. Frankie worked his magic and erected a wall across the bedroom portion of his loft, allowing for the little girl to have some privacy but not feel like she was being closed in.

He had fretted for a least twenty five minutes over colour swatches at Hank’s Hardware before coming to the conclusion that he should leave it white and have Annie chose her room colours once she had settled in. He bought himself a new couch, as well, that would convert into a bed and serve as his bedroom for the time being.

The conversation you never had a chance to have with him was still in the back of your mind, but you understood that moving in together as a couple was hard enough. Moving in together with a kid neither of you knew, whose life had just been turned upside down against her will, would be catastrophic. Instead, you focused on being as much of a rock for Frankie as you could.

You made a trip to the city and bought girls bedding, some stuffed animals, and a few little decorations to help Annie feel like the new space was special for her. You also thought to pick up comfort food that a kid might crave, knowing that when you were six the best way to your heart was chocolate. Just before you left the city, a sign caught your attention and had you swerving to change lanes, normally you'd feel slightly bad about your obnoxious driving but today you just waved your middle finger at the rear window in a mock salute.

The flower shop had so many bouquets and you had no idea what kind of flowers the little girl might like. You also had the morbid realization that bouquets might remind her of all the flowers she surely saw at Karla's funeral. Just as you began to second guess yourself, a stand near the back caught your eye and made you smile.

The day of her arrival came quicker than you felt prepared for, never mind how Frankie must be feeling. He hadn't had too much time to worry about how having his daughter would change his life, but once the two of you were standing in his driveway doing nothing but waiting, the nerves had finally settled in. You could see deep, calming breaths he was taking as they condensed into little clouds in the freezing air.

Grabbing his clenched fist, you felt his fingers relax enough to allow your gloved ones to slide through them.

"It's going to be weird for everyone, she's probably nervous too." You weren't sure if the words were reassuring or not but nervous talking seemed to be your forte so you ran with it. "I mean, she's probably sad that she's leaving everything and everyone she's always known, excited about moving to a new place, then feeling bad that she's feeling another emotion besides grief. It can be hard to juggle loss and hope. Just show her how much you love her and be honest about why you couldn't be with her before. Kids are smart and are aware of way more than adults give them credit for."

A few moments later a black sedan slowly crept up the driveway. You wanted to stay, to meet the little girl but had the feeling that Annie and Frankie were going to need time to figure out their relationship without another person in the mix. Suddenly having a new parent was going to be hard enough on the little girl, you were afraid that she might see you as trying to replace her mom and push you away.

Rubbing Frankie's back for one last show of reassurance, you kissed his shoulder then took a few steps back. You figured this was the best way to be there to support him but also staying in the background for the time being. Before the car could fully come to a stop, the rear door was flying open and, in a blur of movement, a little body was flying out of it towards Frankie. You know how people will say that there are times in their lives where important moments fly by so fast they barely have time to enjoy them? Well, this wasn't one of them.

As Annie barreled her way towards Frankie, you saw in slow motion how his handsome face went from being creased with worry, to eyebrow raised shock, to breaking out in a teary smile. He had just begun to crouch down and open his arms in anticipation of holding his little girl when instead she ran right past him and locked herself in one of the sheds.

Time continued to move in slow motion, making it all the more heartbreaking watching your boyfriend's face crumple, the tears of joy turn to tears of pain as he recovered from his initial excitement and realized that his child didn't want to see him.

Tiny, muffled sobs broke the moment and brought time, and the horrible situation, back into focus. The Child Protective Services worker who had accompanied Annie from California was calling apologies to Frankie while running after the little girl, trying not to slip in the snow in her hurry.

You wanted to go to him, to lend him some form of comfort, but you were also aware that some types of grief don't appreciate witnesses. Deciding to stick around and be helpful in the background, you made your way into the loft and started making coffee and sandwiches, foreseeing a longer stay for the caseworker than initially thought.

Nearly forty minutes had passed before you emerged again with food and drinks on a tray and the two adults were still talking to Annie through the cracks in the door. She had stubbornly refused to come out, demanding that she be returned to her home at once and that she hated snow.

Once you had set down the tray and cleared the snow off a picnic table, Frankie thanked you with a kiss to your temple and introduced you to Sharon after he convinced her to take a break from the negotiations. Sharon, who had been with Annie since the day of the accident, began filling Frankie in on what had happened to his daughter in the past month between sips of coffee. He was given a folder with notes from child psychologists, doctors, a letter from her maternal grandparents, and a journal Sharon had kept that described the ways Annie had been processing her grief.

While they talked, you decided to walk over and sit next to the door of the shed, laying a wool blanket down to protect your butt from the cold. You had no idea what to say to the girl but you figured she might like to be reassured she wasn't alone. Settling down, you dug into your own sandwich and hummed quietly to yourself.

You nearly choked on your next bite when you heard a soft voice singing along with the tune you'd chosen.

"Lavender blue, dilly dilly. Rosemary Green, if you are king dilly dilly, I'll be your queen."

After you'd repeated the song twice more, you stopped the tune and said softly,

"I've never heard those lyrics before, they're different from how I learned them."

A long pause followed, making you worry that you'd offended the child back into silence.

"How do you sing it?" Came the sweetest little voice, made all the more adorable with the barest hint of a lisp.

"We always sang, 'Lavender green', for one. Which never made any sense to me so I really like how you did it-"

"Yeah, cause lavender is another name for purple," she interrupted you with a matter-of-fact tone, "saying it's green is just weird!"

"Hmmm, it might be different," you conceded, seeing the opportunity for a lesson. "But either way you sing it, it's still a really pretty song, isn't it? Things can be different but it doesn't mean one is only good and one is only bad. Each version just had different good things."

Annie went silent again but this time you didn't worry about it, you knew she was thinking about what you said and needed time to apply it to what was happening right now. You eventually heard the shifting of metal and the creak of wood and had to will yourself to sit still and calm. The way you had let her approach you had worked so far, jumping up out of excitement could possibly erase all the progress you'd made so far.

Your patience was rewarded when Annie stepped out of the shed and lowered herself so that she was sitting on the blanket right next to you. Turning your head just enough to see her in your peripheral, you noticed how dull her eyes looked. Her hair was a mess and her skin looked pale for a kid who had been living under California's sun.

"My mommy is dead."

The way it was stated as a fact, with very little emotion, broke your heart. She was so little, so young, and so unable to fully grasp what kind of future had been ripped away from her.

"I know, I'm sorry that that happened to your mom."

"That man is my daddy." She was pointing at Frankie now, who was still engrossed in his conversation with Sharon.

"He's a pretty lucky guy to have you."

"That's the lady who has been taking care of me, she's been nice."

You were a bit out of your comfort zone with the conversation but there was no way in hell you were going drop it so you cautiously trudged on. Maybe verbalizing relationships and titles was helping her process?

"I'm very happy to hear that you've been staying with someone nice. Your dad is a really nice person, too, ya know? You should see the nice bedroom he's set up for you! I even helped him bake you an apple pie. Do you like apples? Or pie?" Her eyes went wide and a spark of happiness suddenly lit her face, making her appear more childlike than before.

"Is this an apple farm?" She practically squealed. “Like in My Little Pony?!”

Her outburst had finally drawn the attention of the other two adults, who were now only realizing that Annie had exited the shed. Frankie's heart skipped a beat at the sight of his two girls, beaming at each other. The twinge of jealousy from knowing that it had been you to draw her out was quickly squashed by how proud of you he was. He had been a little worried, although he hadn't voiced it, that his kid wouldn't take kindly to having a woman around but those fears were obviously for naught.

Part Fourteen

#Frankie Morales x fem!Reader #Frankie Morales x f!reader #Francisco Morales x fem!reader #Francisco Morales x f!reader #Frankie Catfish Morales x fem!reader #Frankie Catfish Morales x f!reader #fix'er upper #Frankie Morales #Frankie Morales fanfiction

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uncle-chambo · 8 months ago

Text

So for the chick flicks (fuck I forgot to warn you for spoilers I'm so sorry):

They are your stereotypical mean girl "I only care about boys" movies, but there are reasons on why I specifically like the ones I listed.

Clueless has Cher Horowitz as the main character, and she was kind of a snob in the beginning of the movie, but I like the fact that she gets better, and she becomes more self aware of the way she treats people. Also because it was a high school movie from early on, and those rarely ever have rich girl protagonists that mean well. Cher was a darling, she was honestly a nice girl, especially as the movie progressed. I try not to think about the fact that she ended up with her step brother, because I like everything about the movie except that (okay wait, I also dont like Dionne and her boyfriend's relationship), because it was pretty good! Also its funny and I LOVED Cher and Dionne's sense of fashion. I wasn't a fan of the gay stereotype that Christian was, but it was a movie from the 80s. Didn't expect too much.

Mean Girls, was pretty toxic but the movie is very funny to me. Besides, I liked Tina Fey's character. And I LOVE Karen Smith. So yeah, I just watch it for laughs mainly.

10 things I hate about you was just there as an example tbh, it SUCKED. Its just that they are in the same category.

A Cinderella story, was based off Cinderella except if she was a more realistic girl and I liked that. Besides Jennifer Coolidge was playing the stepmom, and anything Jennifer Coolidge plays is HILARIOUS. I also liked the fact that, apart from the fact that Sam (main character- basically Cinderella) finds a cool boyfriend, she also finds solidarity with the people she was forced to work with. She was a kind person to them, and Rhonda girlbossed SO HARD. She served so much cunt, there was no one cooler than her in that entire movie.

Now saving the best for last. Legally Blonde.

I dont think I ever have, and ever will, watch a chick flick as amazing as legally blonde. Elle Woods inspires me to do everything that I do today. So basically, Elle Wood's dumb boyfriend breaks up with her when she thinks he'll propose. His reasoning? He is going to Harvard and cant be seen with a dumb blonde. So Elle Woods gets into Harvard (what like its hard) and nobody takes her seriously because she likes girly shit. She likes pink, loves fashion, and even has a fucking poodle she is always carrying around. But she doesnt back down because they dont take her seriously. She ACES law school, completes a case without revealing her client's secret, and even helps her nail tech get out of a bad relationship. Guess who plays her nail tech? JENNIFER FUCKING COOLIDGE. I love this movie so much, because in most chick flicks the bad girl is seen as a girl into feminine shit, and they make her dumb and she only ever cares about boys and is NOT a girls girl. Elle Woods is the exact opposite of that stereotype, she is SMART, she is NICE, AND SHE LIKES FEMININE SHIT. It really helped me actually be happy with myself and feel more comfy with liking feminine shit. She proved to people time and time again that she was worth it because she is a girl who likes girly stuff, and is such a role model. And this movie was made in 2001!! Most early 2000s movies were all about girls backstabbing each other, or overthrowing the evil bitchy blonde (mean girls is a perfect example of this) but this movie is different and I love it, and I will forever stan Elle Woods.

So yeah watching a movie like those with a friend seems like a very good experience- watching a genre of movies I like with a person I like.

@screams-into-my-void here ya go

You know what would be super cool? If I got to sit down with a friend/lover and binge watch "girly" movies. Like imagine watching the entirety of the Barbie movie collection with a friend. Imagine watching Clueless, Mean Girls, 10 things I hate about you, LEGALLY BLONDE, A Cinderella Story etc with a lover. LIKE???

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withoneheadlight · 3 years ago

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ok i saw this cap of zoë kravitz in hf and she's got such a dreamy expression, she looks so deeply self-absorbed and infatuated by whatever she's imagining and those lines. and i couldn't stop picturing billy exactly like that for days so,

There’s a pretty unusual sound coming off the house when Max comes back home, that summer afternoon.

Full volume. Walls shaking. And she quietly walks to the source of the sound, holding back her breath right in front of Billy's room because, there's this second sound? Stranger and way more unsettling and Max's not sure-sure at first but then Steve Perry’s voice takes off and Billy’s follows it and then he's like, singing along and. Well. Max did know Billy liked Journey but not like, their 'stuff for pussies' but uhm, he does, apparently. Rasps his voice all the way through ‘Faithfully’. Kind of, sighs. Longingly? When it ends? But pfff, ok, big brothers are weird. Definitely weirder after being possessed and then kind of resurrected. Even if it's in a good-weird way but, whatever. So Max's just about to sneak to her room, dutifully rolling her eyes, steps muffled by the first chords of 'Edge of the blade' when―

Click. Click. Billy stops the tape. Click. Takes it out. Tap. Tap. Click. Puts on― Billy puts. On,

Heaven.

Bryan Adams’ Heaven.

And Max―

Being a younger sister is a meticulous kind of full-time, private detective job. You gotta learn how the person you’ve been watching so carefully for years and years works. Hafta develop some sort of―sense about your target. And Billy’s been—un-Billy-like? These past two months. Smiling more. Telling more jokes. Playing ‘You shook me all night long’ in a loop on their drive to school and back, not complaining at all but even joining when’s Max who can’t help but sing along so.

So. She retraces her steps. Knocks. Takes the distracted grunt she gets as a ‘Yeahyeah, c’mon in c’mon in’ and,

Creak. Creak. ‘―baby you’re all that I want’

“Billy?”

Billy’s sitting cross-legged on the floor. Radio close to his knees. Cassettes scattered everywhere. Piles and piles of breakwater surrounding Billy’s old, rusty beacon of sound. He’s reading through the song-list of one of the tapes, a smoke locked on the corner of his mouth, bouncing up and down with every little, absent suck he takes, and he looks. He looks―

Self-absorbed and even. Relaxed. Happy. Like whatever he’s thinking about right now is actually carrying his thoughts away to fucking heaven.

“Ehh”

“Uh-hu?”

‘When you’re lying here in my arms!’

“Billy are you. What―” ‘I'm findin' it hard to believe. We're in heaven’ “What are you doing?”

But there’s this orbit around the sun and then there’s whatever one Billy's been spinning along with the last couple of months so he completely ignores her question. Shakes the tape on his left hand. Picks another one from the pile on his right. Asks her.

“Is Billy Ocean too much? ‘Cause I think it’s too much. But it kind of fits into what I'm trying to say so” he says, shrugs, looking up at Max and waiting for the answer of what she realizes was not really a question. Not at all. So she does her little sister job and just, nods “Right. That’s good. I think it’ll slide just nicely into Bruce Springsteen and―”

“Billy” Max insists, waiting for the charm of the third time to work. It doesn’t. Not really. But keeps Billy's eyes on her long enough to squeeze an “A mixtape?” And, uh. That’s what gets it on. The charm “Are you making a mixtape?”

“Uh?”

And it’s like Max just shook Billy out of a daydream. Ash plopping down from his cigarette as his lips try but can’t purse and Max― she’s good. She’s stellar at this detective thing. Recognizes an opening the moment she sees it, right there in front of her, frozen in the middle of shaking Billy Ocean and Bruce Springsteen in the air right before cocktailing them together. Shaken, not stirred, please. Max’s upgraded to James Bond-level just right now.

“You’re making a mixtape for someone”

“Oh-nonoMaxi―”

“But you didn’t have those tapes before. Not even in your secret stash”

“How do yo―?”

“Holy. ShIT. You’ve been listening to somebody else’s music” This is. Oh, God. This. Is. GOLD. Max gotta take a moment. Blink. Breathe. Process. Her hands move by themselves, palms spread toward Billy in a wait-a-minute kind of gesture except. Max’s gonna need way more than a minute for this “You’ve accepted a music recommendation”

“Maaaaax”

“Gosh, you’ve even listened to the tapes enough to. Make―”

“Max!”

“I just can’t believe it”

And Max was glad. Well. As glad as one can be. Bunch weeks ago. Her mom and Neil out for the day. Coming back home a little earlier than she usually does to hear those ugh. Those other noises. Happy screams. Again. After months and months of Billy being basically alone except for her and the party and Steve. And Max’s so glad, of course she is. But she’s also a little sister. And all this investigation work has a high, rightful purpose.

Make her big brother’s life a living. Hell.

“Oh my god, you must be so gone!” Max brings her hands to her mouth. Takes a deep, deep breath that’s more a poorly restrained giggle. Shoots her index at him “Is it Bon Jovi? What I’m seeing right there? Goddam, Billy are you in lo―”

Bam.

Bam. Bam!

The front door.

What a way to spoil the fun. Max doesn’t have time for this. She’s working.

“BILLY?” comes a voice from the other side “Billy are you in there?”

Steve.

Oh.

What a way to make the fun a hundred times better.

Bam.Bam.Bam!

She’s starting to move to get to the door, sinsonging “Well, I guess Steve’s gonna find out you’re so stupid in love you’re willingly listening to―” when she realizes Billy’s eyes have widened and he’s jerkingly trying to unfreeze, he’s mumbling something in around his already extinguished cigarette in the ways of “Can’t” and “Find out” and “Surprise” and “Fucking help me!” While literally trying to shove the huge mass of tapes under his bed, his tone like hurryhurryhurry!, like he would start gagging and throwing his lungs out at any given minute, so nervous he looks.

So Max doesn’t go for the door. Yet. She basks in the enjoyment.

“Oh, is it a secret romance or something?” She sighs happily, leaning against the doorframe instead. “‘Cause you look pretty worried”

Steve’s banging the door now, voice wavering a little as he asks-shouts “Billy? Billy answer me! Hey, bab―Are you ok?”

“Max, please” Billy begs. Begs. Crawling over to where a Madonna’s Like a virgin is laying with the tape looping slightly out “He really can’t find out”

“What? That you’re in lo-o-oh-oh-OH―”

Billy stops at the tone, right there on his knees. Spits his forgotten cig to the side. And in the instant it seems to take him to make up his mind they both can hear Steve shout “Ok. I know you’re in there!. I’m coming in now!!”

“Fuck! Yeah. I am. Ok?” he looks like he just realized he’s tripped. Blushes. “Making it, I mean”

BAM!

And Ohhhhhhh.

Zero-fucking-zero-fucking-seven.

“Steve,” Max gasps. Because. Hear it makes it like. Easier. To process “You. And Steve”

B A M!

“Yeah, Max, Yeah. And this is a fucking surprise and he’s gonna―”

‘I've been waitin' for so long. For somethin' to arrive. For love to come along’

Ok. Oh. Okok.

“Door!” Max hastens him.

“What?”

“You. Door. Run!” She commands, and Billy― sometimes Max can’t honestly understand how he's got the grades he's got, because Billy blinks, looks clueless “C’mon slow ass. Hurry! I’ll hide all this shit”

And Billy finally gets it. Nods. Slow. Then fast. Stumbles up. Literally runs, to get to the door.

Max still gets to hear his labored “Fuck, pretty boy. “That was really hardcore of you. That's how bad you wanted to see me?” And Steve's own breathless “Really?” Before pushing Billy's room door close with her back, and kneeling on the floor to check for stray, incriminating cassettes.

Pretty boy. Maybe Max isn't as clever as she thought she is. Or hasn’t been doing her job right, clearly.

It's when she’s making ‘It’s a kind of magic’ disappear into the rest of the pile that she lays eyes on it. The case. The J-card written almost all the way down to the B-side already. A mixture of songs Billy's heard so many times there are parts where his tapes screech, and others she'd bet her life he wouldn’t have deigned to listen to. Not ever. Definitely not because―no, for, somebody. Bowie and Cher and Cindy Lauper and Bob Seger right next to Metallica and Guns n' Roses and Meatloaf and― there. There. Almost hidden in the back of the spine. A note. A tiny, thin-lettered thing Max really, really shouldn't be reading but―

‘Thanks for driving me back.

Love. Billy’

But. That's what little sisters do too, she guesses. Intrude. Annoy. Snoop. Feel this sudden rush of relief. Of happiness. When Billy laughs softly, on the other side of the door. When Steve laughs back. Maybe a tear. Or two. But just maybe. She’s really good at this little sister thing, after all.

Hopes for stellar.

or: that post s3 where steve lets a camaro-less billy drive him around in his own car "really? again, hargrove?" almost every single day, for months, after he comes back, because "you’re gonna perpetually stick yourself to my ass at least let me do the one thing that frikin’ calms me down" which results in steve resigning himself to deejaying in the shotgun even if "jesus, what's that shit, harrington?" "my car, my rules, sweetheart" which results in billy developing a ‘songs steve harrington is in love with’ mental playlist, realizing he’s probably a little bit in love with the way he loves them and, possibly, a little much love with steve and then stealing steve's tapes one day and,

making a mixtape about it.

(the first of a whole lot, of love letters)

#harringrove #d+mb sh+t i write #but #i had fun!#writing max bc she's my fav <3<3<#and also #dumbstrucklovestruck billy? MY FAV TKVM #also #mixtaping IS an art #xharringrove

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waywardrose13 · 4 years ago

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Deliverance From Evil

Pairing: DARK!Dean Winchester x Reader (?), Sam x Reader (platonic)

Word Count: 11,054

Warnings: TRIGGER WARNING: Non-con, rape, physical and mental/emotional abuse. Ages 18+, virgin!reader, language, mentions of depression/anxiety, curse, purgatory, purgatory!Dean, hateful remarks, negative self image, mentions of suicidal thoughts, not enough editing to satisfy me. Please let me know if I missed any triggers/warnings.

Rating: Mature- 18+!! If I find that you are under 18, you will be blocked. Go read some of my minor friendly stories.

Summary: Dean Winchester had two sides; the selfless, caring man who loved his baby brother, car, and pie; and the cruel, sadistic man who was hell bent on making Y/n’s life a living hell. When Dean, Cas, and Y/n are sucked into Purgatory, things take a turn for the worse. Two years later, Y/n finds herself face to face with the man who broke her. A new discovery leads to Y/n finding out the truth, yet sometimes, the truth is better left unsaid.

A/N- This story is very dark and can be triggering to some readers. Please do not read if any of the above warnings are triggering to you. I have also listed some resources below if you are in need of help. I love you all!

Bingo squares: @spndarkbingo (Purgatory!Dean) // @badthingshappenbingo (This is for your own good) // @spndeanbingo (Soulmates AU)

U.S. National Sexual Violence Hotline: 800.656.4673

U.S. National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800.799.7233

The idea of Purgatory wasn’t what put me on edge. It wasn’t the monsters constantly down your throat, or the blood, sweat, and tears that somehow never seemed to stop. It was Dean Winchester’s sinister stare and cruel remarks that put me on edge.

I didn’t hate the man. If I was being honest, I felt quite the opposite, but it was more of a feeling of distress. Ever since meeting him, something about me had made him loathe me. I wasn’t sure what it was, nor have I ever asked, but whatever it is, I have never been able to make him at least tolerate me.

Sam and I had met in college. I was a freshman when he was a senior, and he tutored me for a while. We became friends, and soon we found out the both of us had gone to college to escape the hunting life. We grew apart for years, naturally coming back together on a hunt.

I had been at the bunker with the Winchesters ever since, much to the elder brother’s dismay. And ever since then, Dean had made it his job to make my life a living hell.

It started out as small jabs at me; little comments that had an underlying, cruel meaning to them. Or forgetting to pick me up from police stations, houses, etc, or not bringing back food for me. But slowly, it evolved into something more. He began openly being cruel towards me, saying things that made me cry in bed at night. He’d shove me when Sam wasn’t looking, he’d purposely break my things, bleach my clothes, point out my insecurities for a laugh.

I honestly thought the bullying ended in high school.

I hadn’t fallen in love with the person he was towards me. I had fallen in love with the person he was to others. He was selfless and caring. He was brave, intelligent, and had a killer sense of humor. And the simple sight of him made me weak at the knees. But whenever his words were spoken to me, or his glare was pointed at me, I sometimes forgot who he was when he wasn’t hating me.

Something must have been wrong with me. How could I love a man who was so ruthlessly callous to me? Although I had tried to stop the feelings, it was like an inexplicable pull vehemently caused me to fall into a confusing love with this man. It was unstoppable, and however much I prayed or wished for it to leave, the feeling never ceased.

“Hey, Y/N!” I jumped as Dean barked at me, and I snapped myself out of it, looking towards him. “Get your head out of the damn clouds and move your ass.”

I sighed, hoisting my makeshift bag onto my shoulder, trudging after him and Benny.

After Dean killed Dick Roman, he, Cas and I were swallowed into Purgatory along with the Leviathan, too close to the impact sight, apparently. I immediately knew I was fucked when Dean looked at me dead in the eyes when we landed and told me he’d rather go to hell than be stuck with me in a place like this.

“We need her, Dean,” Cas had said. Dean had rolled his eyes, scoffing.

“We need her like we need the plague, Cas,” he snarled. I flinched at his words, and I closed my eyes for a moment to keep the tears at bay. “I mean for fucks sake.”

“Look, the way I see it, I don’t care if you hate her, but we need all the help we can get. And she’s a good hunter despite everything else you, for some reason, hate about her.”

It was the first time someone had stood up for me. It wasn’t long, however, before Dean and I were on our own, Cas seemingly taking off after a particularly rough fight. He ignored me the whole time, not saying any words to me, but using his shoulder to roughly shove me out of his way from time to time. The way I saw it, he wasn’t verbally abusing me anymore. I could manage a few shoves.

When Benny joined our team of two, Dean began speaking again, and we continued the search for Cas.

So here we were now, walking through the dense forest of Purgatory, eyes and ears constantly alert. It was like the start of a bad joke; two hunters and a vampire walk through purgatory…

“Don’t mind him, Cher,” Benny murmured to me. “He’s in a mood.”

“He’s always in a mood around me, Benny,” I said. “Nothing I do will ever change that.”

“Benny, quit gossiping with her and get over here,” Dean said, voice hushed. He was crouched down over the edge of a cliff, Benny and I making our way to crouch on either side of him. Dean shot me a dirty look, and he turned slightly towards Benny.

“What is it?” The vampire asked. Dean nodded his head to the valley at the bottom of the ridge.

“Leviathans,” Dean said. “Took out a small pack of wolves a few minutes ago.”

I shivered, watching as one of the leviathans picked up a severed limb, inspecting it before tossing it to the side.

“Shit. That was our path, wasn’t it?” Benny asked. Dean nodded.

“Yeah, and I’m not really in the mood to get into a fight with a bunch of leviathans right now,” he said.

“I don’t blame you, chief,” Benny agreed. “But what are we going to do now?”

I glanced to the left, eyes roaming the cliff side. It was high above the creatures below, and it fed to another cliff edge on the other side. It would be above our path, but most likely would run parallel alongside it. There seemed to be good footwells along the cliffside, and I struggled to get the courage up to speak.

“I have an idea,” I said. Both men looked over at me, interest on Benny’s face and annoyance on Dean’s.

“The adults are talking,” Dean said.

“Let her talk, chief,” Benny said, patting his friend on the back. “Go ‘head, cher.”

I swallowed. “The side of the cliff: it’s hidden by the tops of the trees. But-” I pointed to the other edge- “if we are careful enough, we could climb across and get to the other landing. I’m guessing the otherside runs parallel to our original path, it’ll just be higher.”

“Smart,” Benny said, giving me a smile. “Real good.”

“How the hell are you going to climb across the side of a damn cliff?” Dean asked, raising a brow. “You can barely hold up your axe.”

I bit my lip. “I’ll manage. And I can, too, hold up my axe. I’m not weak.”

Suddenly I was being shoved onto my back, my hands being pressed into the dirt as Dean held my wrists. He straddled my waist, his face inches from mine.

“Push me off,” he hissed, eyes furiously burning through my skull. I struggled beneath his hold. I was strong, but Dean was stronger, and no matter how much I bucked and pushed and pulled, he wouldn’t budge.

He let go of me for a moment, and I shoved at his chest, quickly being held down again with one hand while his other held a knife to my throat.

“You know, it would be so easy to end you right now,” he growled. My eyes widened in fear. “I wouldn’t have to hear your whiny, sniveling voice anymore and see your pathetically hideous face.”

I couldn’t stop the tears from pooling in my eyes.

“It would put us all out of our misery.”

“That’s enough, Dean,” Benny said, now on his feet.

“The bitch needs to be taught a lesson,” Dean said, pressing harder. I whimpered, fear clutching my heart in its grasp as he smirked darkly at me. “Don’t you… bitch?”

“Get off me, Dean,” I said, bucking beneath him again. He laughed, hand squeezing my wrists tighter. “Stop it.”

In a blink of an eye, he had reared the blade back, bringing it shooting back down until it stabbed into the ground beside my head. I flinched away from it, eyes squeezing shut as he was being pulled off me.

“What the hell is your problem?” Benny asked, pushing Dean against a tree. “What the fuck has she ever done to you?”

“What do you mean? Just look at her,” Dean said.

“Give me a reason, chief,” Benny snarled. “Give me one good reason why you terrorize that poor woman.”

Dean hesitated, his mouth agape as he thought for a moment. I was sitting up, hand on my throat as I watched carefully as he closed his mouth and set his jaw, eyes casting downwards.

“That’s what I thought,” Benny muttered, letting him go. Dean took a deep breath, looking up at me for a moment.

“Fine. We’ll do it your way.” He bent down to pick up his sword, slinging it over his shoulder onto his back before making his way to the cliff side.

Benny helped me to my feet, hands cradling my head as he inspected my neck. There was a small nick from Dean’s blade, but I was relatively unscathed.

“Alright, cher,” Benny began, hands gently resting on my shoulders. “You stick with me, okay? I won’t let Dean touch you again.”

I swallowed thickly, nodding my head as he patted my back. He pulled me in for a quick hug before following after Dean.

***

The next three days had gone by in a blur. We had yet to find Cas, and Dean was getting impatient. It was a constant surge of monsters and a constant physical battle with ourselves as we pushed through the fights, trying to swallow back our bile at the blood and guts that inevitably found itself onto our clothes.

I was washing up in the river, a little way through the trees from a camp we had set up for the night. I had carefully peeled off my bloodstained clothes, washing my body as best I could with the river’s water before attempting to clean my jeans and shirt. I scrubbed at them until the blood was simply an ugly stain, tossing the garments onto a nearby rock to dry. I was midway running water over my hair when suddenly arms were lifting me up, eliciting a squeal from my lips. A hand clamped over my mouth and I was dragged back behind the rocks. I struggled in the arms of my captor, rearing my head back and bashing it into their nose. They grunted, and they let go.

I spun around, fists raised, eyes widening.

“Dean? What the hell?” I asked, covering my stomach. My chest was still covered by my bra, and the water was deep enough to cover the bottom half of me, but I felt naked under Dean’s intense gaze. I glance around, spotting my clothes on the boulder. I grabbed at them, pulling the shirt over my head before my jeans were ripped away from me and thrown to the side. “Hey!”

His lips crashed against mine in a bruising force, hand tangling in my hair as he snaked an arm around my waist, crushing my body against his. My hands flew to his chest and I tried to push him away, confusion and fear coursing through my veins as he wouldn’t let go.

I bit down on his lip, and he reared back with a small yelp, touching where blood began to seep from the bite. I pulled my shirt on as he was distracted and backed away from him, arms curling around my torso.

“What the fuck was that?” He asked, wiping away the blood. I stared at him, mouth dropping.

“What the fuck was that?” I yelled. He raised a brow. “You don’t just come onto a girl like that! Especially after treating her like you treat me!”

“I… huh?”

“Are you seriously playing dumb right now?” I asked, brows drawing together. “You can’t be that fucking idiotic.”

“Look, I’m sorry, okay? For everything. But here’s the thing,” he said, moving closer to me. I moved back until I was pressed against the rock. “We’ve been here for almost a year, right? Neither of us have gotten any within that time. You just looked hot down here in the water, and I see the way you look at me sometimes so I just thought, ‘hey, why not?’”

How long had I dreamed a moment like this would happen? Too many times. More than I’d care to admit. But did I really want to be with Dean for the first time like this? With him hating my guts, simply wanting a quick fuck in Purgatory pf all places? Fuck no.

I scoffed, shaking my head. “You’re shitting me.”

“No.”

I ran a hand through my damp hair. “I… I can’t believe a word that’s coming out of your mouth right now. You think I’m hideous! You’ve said so multiple times, so you’re full of shit! And just so you know, you don’t just jump onto a girl and assume she wants the same thing you do. Besides, who wouldn’t be attracted to you, for fuck’s sake? It doesn’t mean I want to fuck you! God, Dean! You hate me!”

“I don’t hate you…”

“Yes, you do! You’ve bullied me like a damn middle schooler since the moment you met me!”

He sighed, jaw clenching. “Fine. You know what? Forget it.” He moved past me, stopping for a second. “And all have you know, it’s not that I hate you. It’s just that I can’t stand to be around you for more than ten minutes without wanting to put a gun in my mouth. And you’re right, I do think you’re hideous, and my god does your personality make you fucking ugly inside and out. If you don’t want work done on your face, at least work on that. Maybe then you could find someone willing to put up with you.”

He left then, leaving me speechless. I collapsed against the rock, silent sobs racking my body. I hated myself, and Dean thrived on that fact. I had no idea what I had ever done to him, nor did I understand how someone could be so cruel. But there was one thing I did know for sure; Dean Winchester was absolutely hell bent on breaking me.

***

I combed my hair out with my fingers, eyes staring out over the water.

It was nearly a week after my confrontation with Dean, and he had gone back to ignoring me. I was okay with it, not minding the silence after the cruel words. I always relied on my friendship with Benny to get me through, but it seemed as though he was pulling away from me, too.

I sighed, my hands finding themselves on the dirt beneath me. They were filthy, no matter how many times I scrubbed at them with moss and water, the blood and mud wouldn’t rid itself from my skin.

Suddenly, something went soaring through the air in front of my face, a blade lodging itself in the tree beside me. I fell back, flattening myself on the ground as I looked to the side, seeing Dean standing twenty feet from me, a dark smirk on his face, Benny shaking his head behind him.

“What the hell, Dean!” I shouted, scrambling to my feet. “You could’ve killed me!”

“But I didn’t,” he said, walking towards me. He reached past me, eyes locked on mine as he retrieved the knife from the bark. “Don’t be so dramatic.”

“Don’t be so… are you fucking with me?” I asked, watching as he turned around and shrugged off his jacket.

“Just drop it, cher,” Benny said, rolling his eyes. I set my jaw and turned away, swallowing back the anger brewing inside my chest. I folded my arms over each other, biting down on my tongue until I drew blood. “I’m going to scout the area. See if I can’t find a better place to set up camp.”

I inwardly groaned at the thought of being alone with Dean, and watched from the corner of my eye as Benny made his way through the trees, Dean leaning against one to stare at me. He was twirling his blade around in his fingers, his smirk not fading from his face. I shifted uncomfortably.

“So, I’ve been thinking,” Dean began.

“Don’t hurt yourself,” I muttered. He stopped twirling the knife, smirk fading to replace his expression with a stoic, hard one.

“I’ll give you one more chance at this, Y/N,” he said. He walked toward me slowly, and I backed away a bit.

“At what?” I asked, now pressed against a tree. Dean didn’t stop moving until he could press his palm against the tree, leaning into it as he bent down until he was eye level with me.

“I think you know.” His eyes flickered down to my lips, his tongue running out to wet his own. I shivered as he lowered his face to the side of my head, nose pressing into my hair to take a deep breath in.

“Dean, please, I don’t-”

“You know, I bet you’re still a virgin,” he interrupted, ignoring my words. I tried pushing against his chest but he took my hands in his, bringing them behind my back and crushing me further into the tree. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you with anyone. Although, I’m not surprised.”

“Dean, stop it,” I said harshly, but once again my words went unheard, and he nipped my collarbone.

“Fuck, a virgin pussy sounds so good right now.”

“I said stop, Dean!” I cried, pushing harder against him. He retaliated, quickly holding both of my hands in one of his in order to press against my throat with the other.

“I don’t give a fuck about what you said,” he hissed. “The only reason you’re alive is because of me. Face it, you wouldn’t have made it on your own, and the only reason that I haven’t killed you myself yet is because Sam would kill me when we get back.” He crushed his lips to mine, all teeth and rough pressure as he shoved his tongue into my mouth. He rolled his hips against me, and my stomach churned. “I haven’t had any in a long time, Y/N. I need to let off some steam, and you owe me.” He pulled back to look into my teary eyes. “Answer me this… are you a virgin?”

I clenched my jaw. “Let go of me.”

He growled and slapped me, a yelp escaping my lips as he gripped my chin, bashing my head back against the bark. “I will find out one way or another, I’m just curious.”

I swallowed, teeth sinking into my tongue. I’ve had two boyfriends in the past, if I could even call them that. I had only gone on a few dates with both of them, but never went further than second base. I was twenty-four and never worried about still being a virgin.

Until now.

I didn’t want my first time being like this; raped in purgatory by the man who hates me, and who I was utterly afraid of; raped by a man I had unwillingly fallen in love with.

I gave a short nod, and he smiled darkly. “Not surprising, but definitely exciting.”

“Dean, please don’t do this,” I said, struggling against his hold. “Please.”

“Benny will be back soon, so we need to make this quick,” he said. And suddenly, his hand was off my throat and on the button of my jeans.

“No!” I snarled, trying to kick at him, but he wedged his knee between my legs, and I was completely trapped.

His hand was inside my pants and down the front of my panties without hesitation, and I cringed at the thought of the dirt and blood that coated both of our skin. His fingers ran through my folds, thumb finding my clit quickly. I squeezed my eyes shut as nausea washed over me, and my body went rigid at the alien feeling of someone else’s hands down there. A tear trickled down my cheek, and Dean bent forward to lick it up.

“Come on, baby,” he cooed mockingly. “Just go with it. There’s nothing you can do to stop it anyway.”

I reared back as far as I could to spit in his face. He flinched back in surprise, his face morphing from cocky and dark to menacing, and I was thrown to the ground roughly within a second, Dean quickly hovering over me and holding me down before I could move away.

“I was trying to make this better for you, I truly was,” he said, beginning to undo his belt. I shuddered and squirmed beneath him. “But now, you’ve just pissed me off. So I don’t give a fuck if you’re ready or not.”

He shoved his jeans down far enough to free his cock from his boxers, moving back to tear at my own jeans and panties and drag them down my legs. I flipped around and began crawling away, but he gripped my ankle and turned me around onto my back.

“I want to see you,” he grunted, hands spreading my legs enough for him to fit between them. I looked down at his prick, eyes widening as I saw the size of him, and he laughed. “You’re in for it now, sweetheart.”

He stroked himself a few times before lining up with my entrance. I didn’t stop struggling, hands trying to claw at his face, my eyes blurring from my tears. He gripped both of my wrists in one of his hands while the other held himself until the tip was resting against me, and then he moved his hand to grip my waist harshly.

He forced himself inside me in one painful thrust, and a scream of pain was ripped from my throat. Dean smirked, relishing in the fact he had just torn through my virginity with such cruelty and violence. He groaned as he began to move. My hands slumped against him, knowing it was no use. He was much stronger than me, and he had already gotten what he wanted.

“I knew you’d like this,” he hissed in my ear, pulling out just to snap back in. “A bitch born to take a cock. My cock.”

The last shred of my innocence was taken within a second, and each time he shoved himself inside me, it took everything in me not to burst into tears. I turned my face away from him, eyes squeezed as tight as I could in order to try and disassociate myself, praying that this was simply but a dream.

But as he hiked up my leg around his waist to angle himself deeper inside me, I knew it wasn’t a dream, but a nightmare, one born to tear down my walls and shatter the last of my will. I knew Dean Winchester was intent on breaking me, but I didn’t know he’d take it to such extremes.

“Shit,” he cursed, plunging himself deeper and deeper with each thrust until he couldn’t go any further. I bit my lip to keep in my cries of pain, nails sinking into the palms of my hand.

His hips began to stutter, his movements choppy and I knew he was close. I dug my nails in deeper until I felt blood trickle from my fingers. His hand gripped my jaw, turning my head.

“Look at me,” he growled, holding himself to the hilt inside me until I complied. He smirked at the tears that trickled from my eyes, and slammed himself home once, twice, three more times before he came. He held his hips flush to my pelvis, eyes still locked with mine as he spilled himself inside me.

He gave a few more lazy humps, making sure he didn’t waste a single drop of his come before slipping out, sitting back on his haunches and taking a deep breath. “Wow.”

I sniffled, scooting as far away as possible as I pulled up my panties and jeans with shaky hands, trying to hold back the sobs and failing. I brought my hand up to my mouth, biting my sleeve to stifle the cries threatening to echo off the trees, and brought my knees up to my chest.

“Shit, sweetheart,” Dean said smiling. He laughed, shaking his head. “You felt better than I thought.” He sighed, standing up then and looked down at me. “Benny will be back soon. So pull yourself together before then. Say one word to him about this, I’ll kill you.”

I nodded in understanding, and he grunted.

He grabbed his axe and turned away, trudging off into the woods for his usual search for firewood.

In the five minutes he was gone, I took the time to pack up the few belongings I had, and without turning back, I ran for the hills.

Two Years Later

The nightmares never faded.

They had become less frequent, yet every few days or so, I’d run from the images inside my own head, battling demons within me instead of on the battlefield. Being scared of someone or something is one thing, but being scared of your own mind, your own dreams, was an entirely different thing, and it took strength to lay down and risk the possibility of reliving old trauma.

Yet, it was inevitable, after everything that had happened. Therapy helped, so did the anti-depressants and anxiety pills I took each night. But the truth of the matter was, the memories of Purgatory were always there, and the guilt and shame never faded, it simply turned into a dull ache that never truly went away.

Running from Dean, I was sore and bleeding, and all I cared about was keeping as much distance between him and I as possible. I listened to the whispers of the monsters, making sure I was never too close.

Dean got out before I did, just two months after I ran, and it was only a few days later that I found the portal. I didn’t even try to contact Sam, because where Sam went, Dean went.

Instead, I changed my name and set up a life for myself in a small town up in the mountains of West Virginia. I got a job at a police station as a victim advocate, got an apartment, and never once looked back.

Quitting hunting wasn’t easy, and every once in a while I’d take a case close to home. But I typically stayed within the state, not wanting to risk running into the brothers on a hunt.

Over those two years, I slowly began to rebuild my walls. However, in a split second, it all came crumbling down again.

It was a Monday afternoon in October. A cool front had washed over the Virginias and Maryland, finally carrying a crisp, sweet wind to cool our skin from the sweltering heat of the summer.

I was walking back to the station from lunch, having ran to a sandwich shop a block away. I was chewing on my lip and thinking about a particular case when I saw it; the sleek black coat of the Impala.

I felt my stomach drop, and I felt like I would be sick. Surely it couldn’t be the brothers. Other people had this particular car, too. But my fears were confirmed when the door to the station opened, and Sam walked out into the wind, leaves scattering around his feet, Dean right behind him.

I was frozen with fear. All the progress I had made had diminished in a second. I wanted to turn and run the other way. I wanted to duck into the alley and wait until they were gone. But I couldn’t move. My limbs were suddenly planted and my body lost the ability to move as the man who had made my life hell for years and haunted my dreams stepped into the sun.

Sam looked around as Dean led the way to the Impala. There was nothing I could do as his eyes landed on me, the surprised look on his face making me wince, the fearful one on mine catching him off guard.

“Y/N?” He asked. I saw Dean stiffen at the sound of my name, and I suddenly regained the ability to move. I spun on my heel and rushed into the alley, hoping to make it around to the back of the station and slip inside unseen. But Sam’s long legs made it so he was faster than me, and no amount of sprinting could keep me far enough away. He stepped in front of me, and my eyes widened. “Y/N… I… You’re alive.”

I swallowed thickly, looking over my shoulder. I tensed as I saw Dean at the end of the alley, his face hard and jaw clenched as he met my eyes. I looked back at Sam, shaking my head and stepping around him.

“I have to get back to work,” I said, trying to push past him.

“Wait!” He said, gripping my arm. I flinched, and he let go immediately.

“Sam,” I said, looking up at him. He tilted his head in confusion at the look of defeat on my face. “Please.”

“I don’t understand,” he muttered. “Dean said you were dead. That you died when you were in Purgatory.”

“A part of me did,” I admitted. Sam’s face darkened at my words, and I looked away. “And if you love me, you’d stay away from me. For good.”

“I thought I lost my best friend, Y/N,” Sam said. “I can’t just let you go now, knowing you’re alive.”

“Sam, please,” I begged. “Please.”

“Why?” He demanded.

“Just let her be, Sam.”

My breath hitched in my throat, and I looked back over towards Sam. Dean had caught up to us and was standing beside his brother now, a dark look on his face. His stare was icy, and it sent shivers down my spine. I shivered when he licked his lips, eyes raking up and down my body and suddenly I was back in Purgatory, his predatory gaze sending me reeling to a time of pain and misery.

“Y/N!”

I jumped, realizing Sam had been trying to get my attention for some time now. I looked up at him, worrying my lip, tears filling my eyes. “Sam, I can’t do this.”

“Can’t do what? Why did Dean lie? What the hell happened in Purgatory?” He asked.

“Dean didn’t…” I trailed off, rolling my eyes with a scoff. “No, I guess he wouldn’t tell you what happened.”

“Y/N,” Dean warned, stare turning deadly.

“Shut up, Dean,” Sam snapped. “Y/N, you can tell me anything.”

“No, I can’t,” I said, shaking my head. “Your brother will kill me.”

“No, he won’t. I won’t let him,” Sam said. “Now please, I miss my best friend. Let me help you.”

“You can’t help me,” I said. “Not anymore. Purgatory was shitty in itself, but Dean…”

I was suddenly pushed up against the brick wall, a yelp escaping me as Dean’s hand wrapped around my throat, his body pressed against mine. I shivered in fear, visibly shaking as his lips curled into a snarl.

“Dean!” Sam exclaimed, trying to pry his brother off me.

“What did I tell you would happen if you told anyone?” Dean hissed. I beat at his hands, trying to kick out at him.

“Dean…”

“I’ll kill ‘ya,” he said. “I’ll do it right now. Don’t. Say. A. Word.”

Tears trickled down my cheeks, and Sam was able to tear Dean off me, pushing him up against the opposite wall.

“What the fuck?” He yelled. He pushed off his brother, turning towards me, placing his hands gently on my shoulders. His voice softened then. “Are you okay?”

“I really need to… to get back to work,” I whispered. I was still shaking, and Sam’s fingers tightened slightly, almost as if he was trying to steady me.

“Can I come see you after work? I’ll meet you here and walk you home?”

I glanced over Sam’s shoulder towards Dean. His jaw was set, and he gave a shake of his head.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” I murmured. I watched a smirk grow on Dean’s face, and I shivered.

“I’m sorry. But I don’t care. I’ll meet you here, okay? At five?”

I nodded.

“Okay. See you then.” He turned slightly. “He won’t be coming, don’t worry.”

The brothers stared at each other intently, and I scurried off as quick as I could, clutching the brown bag in my hand to my chest, not trusting my hands not to shake.

It was my luck that they would end up here, out of all the towns and all the cases in the continental U.S., they had to end up here. There was one thing I was sure about; I wouldn’t be meeting Sam, nor would I be going back to work. I forgot all about my few belongings in the office, beelining to my car, readying myself to pack and be out of town by tonight.

***

I didn’t have much in terms of belongings. It didn’t take long to pack, and I had no set destination. If I had a set destination, I could be found.

I was taping up the few boxes I had, picking up a few odds and ends, figuring I would leave the furniture and have the building owner sell it. Just as I was finishing, three sound knocks were rapped on my door.

I froze.

I wasn’t expecting anyone, and I hadn’t made any friends since moving to town. No one would be coming here unannounced. No one except the Winchesters. They had their ways of finding where I lived. Sam probably asked around the station.

“Fucking Sam,” I muttered to myself. I pushed myself up off the floor, stalking to my front door. “So not cool.”

I unlocked the door, keeping the deadbolt in, before opening it.

My heart jumped to my throat.

“Dean?” I asked. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“You didn’t show up to your meet-up with Sammy,” he said. He glanced around my door, stuffing his hands in his pockets, nodding. “Simple and plain. It suits you.”

“Go away, Dean,” I said. “I have cop friends and I’m not afraid to call them. Just go.”

Dean laughed. “Please. We both know you’re not friends with any of them. Besides, what would you tell them? You know what will happen if you say anything.”

“Fuck off, Dean,” I hissed. I went to close the door, but Dean was quick to stick his foot out, wedging it between the door and the frame.

“Nuh uh uh,” he tsked. “Won’t you invite me in, little pig?”

I swallowed. “No.”

“Oh, but why?” He asked, smirking. “You scared?”

I lifted my chin, standing up straighter. “No.”

He chuckled darkly, bending slightly to meet my eye level. “I think we both know that’s a lie, little pig.”

“Get the fuck away from me, Dean,” I hissed. I kicked at his foot sharply, unwedging it, promptly slamming my door shut in the process, turning the lock. I backed away from the door, feeling under the small table near the front door for my gun.

I screamed as my door was kicked in, wood splintering off the frame. Dean laughed, stepping past the threshold, kicking the door closed behind him. It didn’t quite close all the way, but enough so Dean could slip the chain into its lock.

“Here’s Johnny,” he teased, smiling. My eyes widened, and I gripped the gun, ripping it from its confinement, lifting my arm to shoot. Dean moved quickly, knocking the gun from my hand, pushing me back against the wall. He thrusted forward, crashing his lips to mine in a sloppy kiss.

“Miss me?”

“Get away from me!” I screeched. “Help! Somebody please help me!”

I sobbed as he fisted his hand in my hair, bashing my head back against the wall.

“You fucking bitch,” he hissed. “Almost telling Sammy about our little roll around. What did I tell you, hmm? Have you told anyone else?”

My eyes were blurred from the tears. Somehow my nightmares were coming true. Somehow hell had shown up at my front door, rearing its ugly head and laughing as fear twisted my insides and made my head spin. What had I done to deserve this?

“No,” I said. “I haven’t told anyone. I won’t tell anyone. Please just leave me alone.”

He ran a hand down my face, thumb smearing my tears across my skin. “Oh, but I can’t do that. You disobeyed me. You made Sam skeptical. You must be punished.”

“No,” I cried. “Please, Dean. Please don’t do this.”

He gripped my hair tighter, jerking me down the hall, my fists beating against him the whole time, fighting, kicking, screaming. He simply bent down, picking me up, and carried me into my room. He threw me onto my bed, hands gripping my thighs as he flipped me over onto my stomach.

“Now, bad girls must be punished,” he said. He reached underneath me, fingers unbuttoning my jeans. I kicked back at him, my heel meeting the fleshy part of his thigh. He grunted, and I clawed away from him, but he simply pulled me back down. “Well, that just made things so much worse for you.”

He yanked my jeans down, throwing them somewhere in the room, hands tearing at my simple cotton panties. Tears blurred my vision, and I desperately tried to crawl away. I fisted my hands on the mattress, trying to somehow escape from his hold.

I cried out as his palm collided with my ass.

“Tell me, have you been with anyone else since me?” He asked. I sobbed, screeching behind clenched teeth as he hit me again. “Answer me, bitch.”

“No,” I said. He laughed. I hadn’t heard him take off his belt, but I heard the snap as he pulled it taut. “No, no, no.”

“Oh, yes,” he laughed. He brought the belt down, letting it smack against my bare skin. The sting radiated through my back. Dean was strong, and each time his arm was brought down, the belt would send another striking shot of fire through my body. I was frozen with pain and fear. Dean didn’t have to hold me down after a while. I couldn’t move. “This is for your own good, Y/n.”

I didn’t know how long he struck me. Over, and over, and over he striked, and I lost count after twenty. My hands were clenched in the mattress cover, tears soaking the fabric beneath me, clouding my vision.

I finally heard him throw the belt aside, and his hands curled around my hips, lifting my bottom into the air gently. He softly caressed my skin, and I jumped when I felt his lips touch the welts.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. He rubbed my lower back slowly. “I’m so sorry.”

I sunk my teeth into my lower lip. I froze, not sure what I was supposed to do. I knew moving was out of the question. I was in too much pain to move. Confusion sunk into my bones as he slowly kissed up my back, until he was hovering over me.

He turned me slowly, gently placing me on my back, eyes looking down at me. He tilted his head, thumb wiping away my tears. “Hey, I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.”

“Don’t cry?” I whispered. “How do you expect me to be okay with all of this, Dean? You broke me in Purgatory. You’ve haunted my dreams for the past two years. Then you do this? Just kill me and get it over with. Please.”

He shook his head, furrowing his brows. “I’m not here to kill you. I actually, believe it or not, came to apologize. But as soon as you opened the door I just… I don’t know what came over me.”

“Like I believe that,” I hissed. “Just get the fuck out.”

His jaw ticked, and suddenly his resolve faded. For a second I saw remorse, and now? Fire raged behind his leaf green eyes. I felt his whole body tense against me. I felt him… grow… beneath me.

“Fuck no,” I said. A rush of adrenaline coursed through me. I rolled away from him, landing on my back on the wood floor. I cried out as my raw skin made impact, but I pushed myself up quickly. Dean was up now, his eyes hard and piercing.

“Come here, little pig,” he snarled. I spun and dashed towards the bathroom. He leaped over the bed after me, but I was already inside, locking the door quickly. I heard shuffling, and I knew I needed to think fast. I spotted the window and yanked my robe off the hook, slipping it on. I stepped onto the toilet, pushed the window open, and peered down the three flights my apartment was up. I swallowed thickly, glancing back at the bathroom door. The doorknob was jiggling, and I knew he was picking the lock. Mustering up the courage, I hoisted myself up and swung my legs over. The door suddenly burst open, our eyes locking.

“Don’t you dare,” he said. I took a deep breath and looked down again. Just as he lunged forward, I let go, feeling the rush of air and my heart plummet to my stomach. My eyes were wide as I watched the ground rush up on me all too quickly. I tried ducking my shoulder to attempt to roll, hopefully saving my legs and head in the process, but I couldn’t quite get there. I felt something snap as I hit the ground, a sickening crunch sounding in my ears as I landed on my side.

“Y/n!”

That voice was different. That voice was angelic... kind. Sam.

“Oh my god,” he said. He bent down, hands cradling my face as he looked into my eyes. “Hey, stay with me. Are you alright? Jesus- of course you’re not alright, you jumped from a fucking window to get away from my brother. God, Y/n I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

“Why does he hate me so?” I whimpered before everything went dark.

***

“Should she be asleep this long?”

“Her body is healing. It’s up to her now.”

***

“Get the fuck out.”

“Sam… I don’t know what happened.”

“Don’t you dare say that. Don’t come up with these-these lame ass excuses. I saw what you did, and I have an idea about purgatory. Now, for the last time, get the fuck out.”

***

“She will stay with me.”

“And you are?”

“Her brother.”

***

I jolted awake. My body was on fire, my head pounding with a dull ache. I opened my eyes slowly, adjusting to the bright light above my head. A beeping sound came from my right, and a quick glance showed an EKG meter. A fucking hospital.

My shoulder was bandaged and arm in a sling. My knee had a brace on it. My behind felt raw as shit.

“Fuck,” I muttered as I tried to sit up.

“Y/n! Thank God.”

I jumped at the sound of a voice.

“Sam.”

“God, Y/n… I’m so sorry. So, so, so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” I told him.

“No, but I should have known. I should have done something. God, I can’t believe it.”

I sighed, fiddling with a loose thread on the scratchy blanket that was laid over me. I furrowed my brows.

“Sam… did Dean tell you what happened in purgatory?”

Sam swallowed thickly. “No. But I can guess.”

I nodded slowly. “He told me he’d kill me if I ever told anyone.”

“Have you?” Sam asked.

“My therapist,” I replied.

“A therapist?”

“Yeah. I needed one,” I said. “I was… broken when I got out. I was getting so much better, Sam. I felt like me again. Sure, I still had the nightmares sometimes but… I wasn’t always looking over my shoulder.” My lip wobbled as I fought back tears. “Damn him.”

“God, Y/n/n. I can’t believe it. It just seems so… not Dean,” he said. “I’m so sorry.”

“Sam, I know you mean well, but please stop saying sorry,” I said. He smiled and blushed.

“Sorry.” He cringed. I laughed.

“Stop it,” I told him, pushing his shoulder lightly. He laughed too, grabbing my hand. He kissed my knuckles.

“I’ve missed you,” he said.

“I’ve missed you, too,” I told him. “But I knew that where you went, Dean went.”

“I understand,” he said.

“Oh good, you’re awake!”

Sam and I both looked at the door, a plump woman in a white lab coat standing in the doorway. Her dark hair was piled high on her head, glasses pristinely balanced on her nose, lips lined with deep red lipstick. She looked like a T.V. doctor, not a doctor in middle-of-nowhere West Virginia.

“How are you feeling?” She asked. She checked my vitals and IV bag.

“Sore,” I replied.

“Your brother here has offered to take you home,” she said. I looked pointedly at Sam who shrugged sheepishly. “Look here.”

She shined a light into my eyes, checked my bandages, and determined that I could go home as long as I was supervised for 48 hours. I silently wondered where Dean was, hoping I wasn’t going to see him. If Sam was taking me home, who knows what would happen? Dean knew where I lived. But if Sam was there, perhaps he wouldn’t be stupid enough to try anything.

***

“Are you alright?”

Sam gently placed me onto the motel bed, careful not to hurt me. His brows were furrowed in worry and his lips were pursed into a frown. I let out a shaky laugh.

“No,” I said. “But I’ll get there.”

“Y/n, I’m so-”

“Stop it!” I scolded. “What did I say?”

“Not to apologize anymore?” He said slowly.

“That’s correct,” I said. I laid back onto the pillows, which were worn, but on my sore shoulder and back, they honestly didn’t feel too bad. “Now, mama needs to rest.”

Sam snorted. “Okay… mama.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Don’t mock me, Samuel.” He raised his hands in defense.

“Okay, okay. Sorry, mama,” he said. “I’ll call Cas. He can heal you.”

I perked up at Castiel’s name. The gentle angel and I had been good friends. I heard whispers about him too, while in purgatory that is. I shivered at the thought of that place and…

No. I wouldn’t think about that now. I was safe with Sam. Surely Dean couldn’t find us here. Right? Sam would have taken measures to keep him from doing so.

“Hey, Cas. It’s Sam. Listen…”

Sam’s voice trailed off as he stepped outside the room, closing the door softly behind him. Suddenly, the room turned eerie. The air conditioner hummed loudly under the window, producing some sound in the empty room. It was confining. I shifted on the bed, wincing as my shoulder moved in an odd way. I adjusted my sling to a more comfortable position. I hated these things.

I sighed deeply, glancing towards the door again. I blew a piece of hair out of my eyes. Alone. It wasn’t an odd sensation to me. I had been alone for the last two years. But I had slipped so easily back into the comfortable familiarity that was once me and Sam. I had missed him so much. He was my best friend, my confidant. Being around him again was liberating. It lifted a weight off my shoulders.

Telling someone what had happened in purgatory, besides a therapist, lifted a weight off my shoulders.

Of course, Dean would kill me if he knew. But it felt good to get it out, not have it bottled up. Dr. Ramirez was great, of course. But she wasn’t Sam. Wasn’t a friend.

However, now that the room was empty apart from me, the only sounds of the air unit and the springs of the old bed creaking, I was left alone with my thoughts. Vivid images of Dean flashed before my eyes. Of purgatory, across the street at work, the alley, my apartment. Damn him. Damn him for abusing me so. Damn him for not caring. Damn him for giving me a false sense of hope when he spared a silver of remorse. And damn me for loving him.

Did I still? No, I didn’t think so. Not the Dean who hates me. Who hurt me and raped me and tormented me. Not that Dean. Perhaps the Dean who loved his little brother beyond comprehension. The Dean who would throw himself in the line of fire for a stranger. The Dean who sacrificed everything for the world, the world that was so cruel to him.

Fuck. Of course I still loved that Dean. It was like two separate fucking people. A Dean who would light up at the sight of pie and tell you everything about a band he liked simply because he wanted to share something he loved with you. A Dean who was so selfless, you would need to make sure he wouldn’t go off and get himself killed for absolutely no reason but to save a fucking dog. He would have one look on his face, and then turn to me. That look would turn cold. Those eyes, those beautiful eyes, would turn to ice in a split second. That voice that dripped of rum and sticky honey tore through my heart like daggers in ice. How could someone be so cruel?

A sob escaped my lips. I was so tired of crying. I hated crying. I wiped my nose with the back of my hand from my good arm. I didn’t want to cry anymore. I didn’t want to think anymore.

Luckily, Sam opened the door then. It made me jump slightly. Castiel was behind him. I grinned.

“Cas.”

“Y/n,” he said warmly. He walked over to the bedside. He rested a hand on my good shoulder. Cas wasn’t one for touchy-feely shit. But with me, he was always more comfortable with it.

“I’m going to heal you,” he said matter-of-factly. I gave him a nod, a light shining from his hand. A warmth filled me, starting from my head and reaching to the tips of my toes, and suddenly I felt better. I gave him a grin, which faltered at the look on his face.

“Cas?” I asked. “What is it?”

He gave a small shake of his head. “It’s… it’s a curse.”

“What is?” Sam questioned. He stood up from his seat at the small table by the window. I glanced at him.

“You have had a curse placed on you. An old one. I’ve seen it before, though. In heaven,” Castiel said. “I’m not sure why I hadn’t seen it before now. Perhaps since I hadn’t had to heal you before.”

“A curse in heaven?” I asked.

“It was designed by the archangels. It was to keep soulmates apart.”

“What?” Sam said. “Soulmates? Surely you’re joking.”

“No, I’m not joking,” Cas said. “And don’t call me Shirley.”

Sam furrowed his brows at that. I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing.

“Okay, so a curse. What kind of curse?” I asked. “Who’s my soulmate?”

“The curse is complicated. It can only be placed on one soulmate, and the cursed mate would need to be an interference with a plan from heaven or God himself. ”

“What sort of interference?” Sam asked. Cas hummed.

“Y/n must have stood in the way of her soulmate’s destiny. Her path must cross with them, meaning that she would have altered the path chosen for her mate by heaven. The curse makes it so one of the soulmates hates the other for no particular reason. They can be downright evil towards them. Y/n’s soulmate, if she ever comes across them, may even want to kill her. The curse causes one of the soulmates to do terrible things to the other. They can act one way, and their soulmate walks into the room, suddenly they are filled with an unexplainable rage. There are times where the soulmate can feel remorse or even come to love the one who was cursed. However, the second they lie eyes on the cursed soulmate, their hatred returns.”

Holy fuck.

“If you don’t mind, Y/n,” Cas continued. “Would you mind letting me touch your soul? It should tell me who your soulmate is. I know every path for every human soul. I should be able to see.”

“I… I think I may know who it is,” I said softly. Suddenly my blood ran cold. It felt as if the temperature in the room dropped twenty degrees in a single second. Soulmate may want to kill me. They will hate me. Do terrible things to me. They are suddenly remorseful, but once again turn evil once they lie eyes on me. Fucking hell.

“Who?” Castiel asked. I looked to Sam, who was staring at the ground. I saw it dawn on him, saw the realization flash across his face. His head snapped up to mine.

“Dean.”

***

“Are you fucking joking?”

I flinched at his words. Dean stared- no, glared- at me from his chair. He was chained to a chair in the dungeon. “Precaution” Sam had said. Dean wasn’t too happy with it. I sat in a chair about six feet from him, right outside the devil’s trap. His lip curled into a snarl.

“I’ll fucking kill myself if this bitch is my so called soulmate.”

“I’ve already touched her soul, Dean,” Castiel said. “Just to be sure.”

“Okay? And?” Dean prompted.

“Not only is she cursed, but she’s your soulmate.”

“Fucking hell,” he groaned.

“The archangels placed the curse on her at birth. When they found out she was to be your soulmate, they cursed her in order to keep her from interfering with their plan to have you as Michael’s vessel. If she wasn’t cursed, they foresaw the two of you already together; married and two children.”

My heart ached. I could have had that? Instead, my soulmate had abused, raped, and threatened to kill me on multiple occasions. Great.

“Gag,” Dean said. He spit at the ground towards me. “You told them. You know what would happen if you did. You’re fucking dead.”

“Sam,” I said quietly. I looked up at him. He gently placed a hand at the back of my head in a comforting gesture.

“It’s alright,” he said.

“Now, there is a way to remove the curse. It is painful, and tedious, but it may allow you two to venture forth into a soulmate’s relationship.”

“Fuck that.”

“I can’t.”

Although said at the same time, all eyes turned to me.

“What do you mean you can’t?” Cas asked. Sam sighed.

“Cas, not now.”

“I mean I can’t be with someone who-who was so cruel to me. You don’t know the specifics of purgatory,” I muttered. I squeezed my eyes shut at the thought. My lip threatened to wobble. I sunk my teeth into it. “When this is done, I don’t know if I can be here anymore.”

“Y/n,” Sam said. “When this curse is lifted, the Dean who did those things to you will not exist.”

“It’s true,” Cas said. “The curse alters your soulmate in a way that they’re unrecognizable. It turns their personality completely sour, turning them into a new person. The Dean that will be shown to you when this is over will be the real Dean, the Dean you saw when you weren’t near him. When you’re cursed, it’s like he’s possessed by an alien body.”

“But it’s still his face. His hands. His… everything.” I shuddered.

“That was fun, wasn’t sweetheart?” Dean said. “I still remember how you felt. Tight virgin… Mmmm. Once I’m free of these chains, I may take you again. Maybe I’ll claim your ass this time.

“Enough, Dean!” Sam barked loudly. “Cas.”

“You ready, Y/n?” Castiel asked. I looked up at him, to Dean, and back again.

“Yeah, just one thing first-” I looked at Dean, right in the eye- “Go to hell you son of a bitch.”

Then Castiel’s hands were on the sides of my head, a blinding pain searing behind my eyes, and all I saw was black.

***

“Sam, how am I supposed to live with it?”

“You just do. It wasn’t you. It was the fucking archangels. They did this to her. Not you.”

“It was still… me. I just couldn’t stop it. God, I can’t believe I…”

“Hey. Stop it. I mean it, okay? You beating yourself up with it will not help you in the end. When she wakes up, she’s going to need us. Okay? She’s going to have to re-learn trust and-and love and learn to trust you.”

“If she wants to leave, we need to let her leave. I don’t blame her if she hates me. You heard what she said, Sam. She said she can’t. And I get it. I understand. I don’t want to put her through anymore pain, okay? She needs to live without fear and without pain and suffering. She’s a good, beautiful person inside and out. She didn’t deserve anything I did to her.”

“It wasn’t you!”

“It was, dammit! It was my hands, my body, my fucking words. God, Sam. We may have been cursed, but it was still me. Okay?”

“You heard Cas. It’s like you were possessed. It wasn’t you. Fucking get it through your thick skull.”

“Tell that to her then. If she believes it, I will. This is about her. Not me.”

I could register their conversation. Feel the dull ache in my head. Smell the faint smell of the lavender incense I used to like to burn. The issue was getting my eyes to open.

With heavy lids, I opened my eyes slowly, struggling to keep them open. The brothers stopped talking and I could feel them staring at me. I groaned as I sat up, rubbing at my temple.

“Hey, sleeping beauty,” Sam said slowly. “You feeling okay?”

“If you consider feeling like you’ve been hit by a train ‘okay,’” I said. “Fuck.”

I looked up at them both, Sam’s eyes warm and lips curled into a sympathetic smile. I forced myself to look at Dean. His eyes were focused intently on his hands, but I could see his jaw clenched and chest moving quickly as he took rapid breaths. His leg bounced repeatedly. He was nervous?.

He looked up at me finally, taking a deep breath, holding it a moment, before letting it back out. “Hi.”

“Hi,” I replied lowly.

“Should I leave you two alone?” Sam asked.

“No,” I said quickly. Dean winced, but I ignored it. Like hell I would be left alone with him. “Cas did it? The curse is gone?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, yeah it’s gone. Dean um… Dean’s fixed, I guess you could say.”

“Is he?” I asked bitterly.

“Y/n,” he said hesitantly. “I don’t have words. I can’t express how sorry I am.” I looked down at my hands. “There aren’t words to describe the guilt I have. I don’t know what to say or do. I’m just so, so sorry.”

I took a deep breath before responding. “At least I know why I loved you for so long.”

That clearly was not what he was expecting to hear. “W-what?”

“Before purgatory, when things didn’t… escalate… I loved you. I loved the you that wasn’t around me. I thought I was fucked up, loving someone who was so cruel to me. But now I know I couldn’t help it. You’re my soulmate. What are the fucking odds?”

His lip quirked slightly. “I… I loved you too. The me that wasn’t around you. It honestly was like two different… me’s essentially. I loved you, and every time I wasn’t around you, I told myself to apologize and fucking fix myself. But then I’d see you and… this anger just consumed me. I couldn’t understand why. And then in purgatory, being around you 24/7, it’s like everything was heightened. I just wanted to make you hurt.”

I flinched and his face softened.

“Shit, I’m sorry, Y/n.”

“No, I want to hear this. I want to understand what you were feeling,” I said. “Maybe it will help me… differentiate you from, you know… cursed you.”

He nodded before continuing. “Like I said, being around you constantly made everything worse. It was like the anger and hatred all heightened. So the night that I… hurt you… I wanted to cause you such profound pain. But I didn’t want to kill you. I think deep down, even cursed, I couldn’t bring myself to kill you. Although the curse hated you, I loved you. You were always so gentle and kind. You’re easily one of the smartest people I know. You’re beautiful and funny and innocent. I fell in love with you, and the curse despised that. It wanted to hurt you. And it did. And for that, I can not apologize enough. What I did… it’s unimaginable. I am so sorry, Y/n.”

We simply sat looking at each other for a moment. Sam sat uncomfortably beside Dean. He glanced between the two of us.

“You’re stressing me out, Sam,” I said finally.

“Sorry,” he muttered, looking anywhere but Dean and me.

I cleared my throat and fiddled with the edge of the blanket laid over me. “I… I don’t know what to say, Dean. I really don’t.”

“Don’t say anything, then,” he murmured.

“I want to forgive and forget. Lord do I want to forget. But this isn’t something you can overcome so easily,” I said. “I was so close to being fixed. I was so much better, but you showing up at my apartment and beating the shit out of me like that… it tore down the foundation I had built back up.”

“I had come to apologize,” he said. “And then I saw you and it all went away.”

“I know,” I told him. “It confused the fuck out of me, your fucking mood swing.”

He whistled. “No shit. It confused me.”

We sat in silence for another moment. I wasn’t scared per se, just uncomfortable. If he was “fixed,” I had nothing to fear. I knew I had nothing to fear from Dean now. However, I would never forget the malice and callousness he showed me for years. That night in purgatory was forever seared into my brain. That trauma and heartache and pain would live with me forever. It didn’t matter if he was fixed or cured or whatever the fuck you want to call it. It still happened. It was still at his hands. That’s not something to simply get over.

“I’m not asking for your forgiveness,” he said softly. “If someday you somehow find it in your heart to forgive me, then that’s your business. I don’t deserve it and I’m not expecting it. But maybe, if you’ll let us try, to start over, someday we could become friends.”

I swallowed thickly. “I don’t know, Dean.”

I watched his face flash with an emotion I couldn’t quite explain, before masking his emotions. “I understand.”

“Maybe,” I told him. “Don’t bank on it.”

Dean gave me a small smile. “I’m in your hands, Y/n. I’ll be here if you want. And if not, then I respect that.”

I yawned then and Sam stood slowly. “Let’s give her some rest, Dean. She’s had a long week.”

Dean nodded at his brother and gave one last look at me.

“I really am sorry, Y/n. I’ll live with this guilt until the day I die. I hope… I hope you find the happiness and peace you deserve.” He gave me a tight lipped smile and closed the door behind him, evidently taking all weight in the room with him. I let out a deep breath that I had been holding and rubbed at my temples. I laid back onto the pillows, letting my eyes trace designs on the ceiling in the dark of the room.

Sleep found me not long after, and no matter what knowledge I had now, or the safety that was Sam across the hall, I had no control of the nightmares that plagued my dreams and danced behind my eyes. Dean Winchester may have been cured. He may be himself around me now. However, what he did will forever live with me, and no angel cure or spell undoing will ever change that.

And so, I walked through the valley of darkness that were my dreams, and I battled the demons caused by the man who stayed down the hall from me. Yet I slept, knowing that what tormented me behind closed eyes was no longer alive, and the man who had broken through the chains around my heart all those years ago was back and in the foreground. Though I wasn’t sure what my feelings were towards him now, knowing that what he did to me was the result of an archangel curse, I did know that perhaps someday, once we tread through the tumultuous ground that was fear and contradiction, we may learn to live in peace with one another, even if he had loved me and hated me; even if I had loved him and hated him. Yet the most important thing, the thing that allowed me to rest, if not soundly, but at all, was the fact that he no longer wanted me dead, nor did he want my blood on his hands.

So though nothing was back to normal, and I didn’t plan on being around Dean anytime soon, perhaps I wouldn’t have to look over my shoulder anymore. Maybe I could finally find the solace and peace that I deserved. I think the world at least owes me that.

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