#like money is always a huge stressful thing but it's getting worse

[shikai-the-storyteller]

I'm so burnt out and stressed about a variety of things lately, but a funny / sweet coincidence recently happened that I wanted to share:

Last week, I had a university student reach out to me (via my work email) asking for resources / advice on their research paper because I've written a lot of articles about the thing they're writing about. (I just got back to them today and they were real sweet, I'm excited to see how their paper turns out)

A week or two ago, I had someone reach out to me on RA asking for some specific clip info / date info because they were doing a research paper about Pac, and today I saw that they published their paper and put a special thanks to RA in the notes :')

I just think it's very sweet and a funny coincidence that my work (professional and fandom work) is getting cited in research papers. It made me smile a lot, I genuinely love that.

[tarotwithavi]

Messages from Aphrodite 🐚 🕊️

Piles : 1~2~3

How to choose a pile?

Take a deep breath and gently close your eyes. Politely request your spirit guides to reveal the appropriate pile meant for you, then open your eyes. Whichever pile captures your attention is the one meant for you.

Masterlist

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Pile 1

Aphrodite wants you to know that things get worse sometimes, they don't go the way we want them to. I know it sucks but that's just how it is. You shouldn't stress out or get upset over something that isn't in your control. You've been working really hard and haven't gotten the results you should get. Don't worry everyone has their own pace. She wants you to know that you shouldn't give up yet. Keep on working and you'll be really grateful that you didn't give up one year from now.

She wants you to know that love begins within oneself. You won't experience true love until you learn to appreciate the love you have for yourself.

I'm also getting that she is sending lots of blessings into your life. And you might already be experiencing some of them right now. Don't worry things will only get better from now on. For some of you, you'll have to choose between two love interests. And she is telling you to ask her for guidance before making the choice.

Pile 2

Aphrodite has recognised your efforts. She acknowledges the effort you have been putting in mastering that skill. She is really proud of you. She wants you to know that you'll soon have to face a huge crowd and this is especially for you to let your talents shine. I'm getting that you're going to be put into a situation where you'll have to face your fear of recognition. I feel like some of you fear being recognised as you believe it'll attract unwanted attention to you. And I'm also getting that in the upcoming days someone might approach you for their own profit. This person could be really famous in your work area/school/University.

You'll be recognised by your teachers/boss/ higher authorities and I promise you, you'll be really grateful for the opportunity that is coming your way. However I do want you to be careful of letting people know too much about yourself. Especially about your finances and how you manage your money.

Most of your blessings are related to work/career/studies/finances. You might not be focusing on love right now , rather Your focusing on improving yourself. Which is really appreciated by Aphrodite. She wants you to put yourself first.

Pile 3

I heard "Justice is going to be served" . Aphrodite wants you to know that people who have treated you badly are going to face the consequences of their actions. And it is going to be in front of you. People are going to ask for apology and take accountability for their actions. Also she wants you to know that she is with you no matter what. Someone here has been bullied for having monolid eyes. And some have been bullied for "not fitting in". You have been made fun of for the way you looked and the people who said those hurtful words are going to have their downfall right in front of your eyes.

You're going to shine and people are going to talk about you, how much you have changed and Your recent glow up has people going crazy. Some of you may be doubting yourself. Aphrodite wants you to know that you're blessed by her. And someone who has been blessed by her is everything but "not beautiful"

Some of you are going to travel to the place you always wanted to in just a few weeks. I'm also seeing international travel.

[blazehedgehog]

what is the sonic franchise's problem? why does every concept have to be stretched to death and then discarded entirely?

"What is the Sonic franchise's problem" is such a broad question these days because there's so many layers to so many different parts of the franchise but ultimately it boils down to two things:

Time and money.

The way capitalism works in creative fields is that if you prove you can do it faster and cheaper, then you have to keep doing it faster and cheaper. The more you save the company time and money, the better it is for them.

And at least in the case of Sonic games, they've had long stints where they get made dangerously quickly. Even as far back as Sonic 2, that game spent a long time in the concept phase that eventually got thrown out as they rushed the final game to completion. Sonic 3 legendarily came together in as little as 6-9 months after the original pitch (a pseudo-3D isometric game) fell apart.

Sonic Adventure 2 was made by half the people in half the time as Sonic Adventure 1. Rush and crunch on Sonic Heroes was so bad one of their level designers was hospitalized for months due to exhaustion related illness. Takashi Iizuka stepped up and basically doubled his workload to cover for that guy and has publicly said he lost over 30 pounds because of the stress.

He then worked so hard on Shadow the Hedgehog, the next game after Sonic Heroes, that he straight up burned out and left the Sonic franchise for like six years. If you check the credits for Shadow, Takashi Iizuka is attached as the director, game designer, level designer, story writer, and CG movie supervisor. The dude carried half that entire game in an era where directors did not get their hands dirty like that.

Sonic Unleashed in 2008 was a change in form in that it was a very expensive game. So expensive that people working on the game complained that they were wasting too much money on details nobody would be able to appreciate because you were always moving too fast.

So Sega changed gears. Sonic Generations looked like another big money sink, so they brought in Morio Kishimoto, a guy who came up through games like Sonic & The Secret Rings and Sonic & The Black Knight. Secret Rings in particular was a huge success story for Sega: it was immensely cheap and produced incredibly quickly, and when compared to the bomb known as Sonic 06, Secret Rings looked and played like gold.

Kishimoto was given the dying embers of a failed Wii port of Sonic Generations, which he quickly and cheaply turned around into Sonic Colors, and again, it was a runaway success compared to the very expensive and divisive Sonic Unleashed.

And so once again, Sonic games erred towards faster and cheaper and faster and cheaper and faster and cheaper. That was Kishimoto's style.

I was watching someone stream Sonic Lost World for their first time a few days ago, and in theory, the concept of the game makes sense. Kishimoto is open about saying that Sonic Colors was them trying to inject a little Mario flavor into a Sonic game, so Sonic Lost World is trying to be Sonic Colors 2, and it's a lot more overt with its Mario inspiration. And it's a lot worse, too.

That's because Mario games incubate for years and years and years, building and iterating ideas until they are perfectly cut, highly polished finished products. Sonic games are rammed through production as fast as possible, square pegs forced through round holes, exhausted developers making the best of table scraps, and they are covered in rough edges and misshapen gameplay.

Every time you play a bad Sonic game and see the twinkle of a good idea, that's a seed of greatness that was not properly cultivated and given room to grow, because cheaper and faster makes them more money.

This is why you hear people say they hope the success of Sonic Frontiers will get Sega to increase the budget for future Sonic games again, because it's REALLY clear they were making a game out of basically nothing.

(I am not holding my breath.)

[vanteguccir]

── ୨୧ !　𝗗𝗘𝗦𝗧𝗥𝗨𝗖𝗧𝗜𝗩𝗘 𝗛𝗢𝗠𝗘

　　　　　　　　　𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒐𝒍𝒐 x reader

SUMMARY: Where Matt helps Y/N get through an anxiety attack.

REQUEST?: Yes, on Wattpad.

WARNING: Anxiety attack, panic attack, toxic home, toxic father, fighting between parents.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: That is my work, I DON'T authorize any plagiarism! | English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if there's any grammar error.

　　　༻✦༺ 　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

Y/N closed her eyes tightly feeling her head spin from the loud voices coming from downstairs. Unfortunately, her parents fighting was nothing new, and even less so was her father starting the fight.

Y/N's father has always been the type of father who is physically present but emotionally absent, living in the same house as the girl since her birth, but never really playing the role of a kind and welcoming father.

Quite the contrary, her father has always been a very demanding and controlling man, Y/N having witnessed his first attack of stress when she was just a week old, when her mother cooked lunch for both of them, but couldn't bear to eat everything on her plate due to the exhaustion of being a first-time mother, and her father started a series of screams demanding that she eat all the food, after all "he pays the house bills and the food in the cupboard and refrigerator and didn't want to see anything being wasted", ignoring completely the scandalous crying of the little girl, who understood nothing at the time.

And it was exactly in an environment like this that Y/N grew up, learning that staying silent all the time at home prevented fights from reaching huge peaks, but suffering the consequences with the fights inside her head, which grew more and more. With all of this, the girl ended up developing panic attacks and severe anxiety, which she only discovered through a quick diagnosis from her school psychologist, as her father refused to pay for a consultation for her and her mother did not have enough money to do it.

Y/N grew up with constant fights outside and inside her head, experiencing the most bitter moments inside her own home, where she had to face her anxiety attacks alone on the floor of her room, muffling the loud sounds of her sobs with pillows.

But whoever was listening to her cry through all this time, listened to her prayers and sent an angel into her life. Y/N met Matt two years ago in a cafe in the city completely by accident, the barista at the cafe ended up getting confused with their orders and handed Matt's to Y/N and vice versa, the two only realizing it after the first sip.

And since then Y/N no longer had to face her fears alone, her refuge in difficult times stopped being her cold and lonely bed and became Matt, with whom she could lean on in all the sad and happy moments too, and the best thing being that she, having experience with herself, could help him with his own anxiety attacks, the two of them moving towards a better mental place together.

But despite the willpower to improve and all the effort, there were days when it became more difficult. Y/N had woken up that morning with a bitter taste in her mouth and a heavy head, feeling like something was going to happen, and she wasn't wrong.

The day went by with a heavy air, the girl staying at home all day since it was a Sunday and Matt spent the day filming with his brothers the podcast that would be posted the next day, and all the weight that lived in the walls of her house seemed to have been transferred to Y/N's back, she couldn't remember the last time she felt that, and the fact that she wouldn't see Matt that day only made it worse.

At the end of the day Y/N understood why she woke up with the heavy feeling. Her mother was cooking something in the kitchen for dinner that would be served soon, which the girl was sure she would just grab a plate and go up to her room to eat alone, but during the process of making the food, her mother let some glass escape from her hands, making a thunderous noise.

Y/N was startled by the sound, getting up and running downstairs without thinking, just worried about her mother and wanting to understand what had happened, but while the girl calmed her mother who seemed in shock over the broken plate, her mind began to scream danger.

Seconds later the sounds of heavy footsteps became present and it didn't take long for the male screams to be heard, her father releasing several curses along with insults towards her mother and, consequently, towards herself as well.

Y/N felt numb, her father's voice becoming a background sound as a buzzing settled in her head. The girl wasted no time and ran upstairs, all she wanted was to get away from the fight.

It didn't take much more than a minute and she found herself closing the door with a bang, throwing herself on the floor next to her bed and curling up in a fetal position, her throat making horrible sounds as she tried to draw in air, which never seemed to come enough.

Her heart was beating fast and her hands were shaking tirelessly.

In a moment of sanity, the girl crawled to the end of her bed to get her phone, thinking about the only one who could help her at the moment. Her fingers raced to the emergency contacts, seeing only one in the listing, Matt.

She quickly clicked it, putting it on speaker and dropping the phone on the floor.

"Hello my love, we're almost done here. I was thinking about calling you next, what do you think about... Y/N?" The boy answered with a smile in his voice, stopping talking when he noticed a sound like a strangulation in the background. "Y/N? Baby, please, what's going on?" He asked desperately, standing up quickly from his seat in the recording room on the other side of the phone, fully gaining his brothers' attention.

The girl couldn't respond, barely able to hear him properly, her mind just processing that she needed air, her eyes closed tightly as she felt as if her room was shrinking in size around herself.

"Baby stay with me, I'm coming, I'm coming. Stay with me..."

The male voice seemed to come and go in Y/N's ears, and what took less than 10 minutes seemed to take hours in her fragile mind. The sound of her bedroom window opening echoed through the room as Matt entered the pink-walled room after climbing the roof of the two-story house, already used to the action.

The boy quickly ran towards his girlfriend, throwing himself on the ground, kneeling next to her and hugging her tightly, trying to bring her mind back.

"I'm here, baby. I'm with you." He whispered incessantly against Y/N's ear, feeling her smaller body tremble against his. "Baby, I need you to take a deep breath for me. Stretch, come on." He spoke, helping her straighten her spine and stretching her legs, leaving her sitting in an L-shaped position. "Can you breathe through your nose for me?" Matt asked, watching carefully his girlfriend's face, feeling his heart tighten at her state, her lips trembling, her cheeks hot and rosy, her face tense and her eyebrows furrowed.

Y/N tried to do as requested, finally being able to identify her boyfriend's voice, but the action seemed to lead nowhere.

"Come on, my love, I know you can do it." He asked in a whisper, feeling his eyes burn with tears. Upon seeing Y/N's difficulty in fulfilling the request, he quickly approached and sealed her lips tightly, briefly remembering when the girl did the same to himself during one of his worst crises.

Y/N stood still, her hands still shaking and her heart beating hard, but her mind seemed to contain itself and the loud noise inside her fell silent.

The girl felt tears roll down her face, opening her eyes, her vision slowly getting used to everything after being in the dark for several minutes. She calmly pulled away from Matt, drawing a breath of air into her lungs, feeling relief at being able to do so.

Y/N looked at her boyfriend's face, seeing him smile in relief as tears rolled down his own eyes.

"Don't cry." She asked weakly, pulling him into a tight embrace, pressing her cheek against his, their tears mixing together.

Matt let out a tearful laugh, sniffling as he brought one of his hands to Y/N's hair, stroking the spot.

"I'm just glad you're okay."

"Thank you Matt." She thanked him, hearing him sigh happily. Y/N snuggled closer into Matt's arms, still not having the strength to get up from the floor and he didn't seem to want to do so yet either.

"I love you so much, my love." He whispered a few minutes later, kissing the top of her head. Matt slowly moved back after getting silence in response, looking at his girlfriend only to see her with her eyes closed and breathing lightly, sleep having taken over her weak body from the intense moment.

The sound of two knocks on the door made him look up, looking intently to the door and ready to protect his girl if necessary, but relief filled his heart when he saw that it was Y/N's mother.

The woman had her face between the door and the frame, ready to check if her daughter was okay after the mess in the kitchen, but her worried features were replaced by a soft smile when she saw her daughter and her boyfriend cradled together.

"Thank you." She whispered truthfully to Matt, earning a nod before carefully closing the door.

The mother walked towards her own room with a light heart, knowing that Matt would do anything to take care of and see her daughter well.

[yourdeepestfathoms]

hiii !!!! I've been LOVING your yaelokre headcannons since I joined the fandom :)) if I may, I'd like to share two requests I have for them !!

× the larks first show

× the larks and cooking

They're very few, but it's been lingering in my mind for quite a while !! Absolutely no pressure tho :))

hi! i’m glad you’re enjoying the hcs! 🥰

yeah, i can do those!

The Lark’s First Show

It was a mess beforehand.

Cole was basically pulling out their hair and making a nest, pacing back and forth, stressing over every little detail- “What if my voice cracks? What if I forget every lyric? What if I drop my instrument? WHAT IF I PEE MY PANTS ONSTAGE?!”

“Okay, you need to calm down,” Perrine said.

“Calm down? CALM DOWN?! How can I possibly CALM DOWN when we’re about to do the biggest thing any of us have ever done before?!” Cole squawked back. “How are YOU so calm?!”

“Oh, she’s not!” Kingsley piped up. “She’s shaking! I also heard her giving herself a pep talk beforehand we got here!”

“KINGSLEY!” Perrine yawped.

Clémentine had to step in from there. They were almost eerily calm, with a serene smile on their face. It was daunting. Even though Cole’s anxiety was blowing things a bit out of proportion, they were right- this was a huge event for all of them.

And yet, Clémentine was calm.

Cole, bewildered, asked them how that can be possible.

Laughing, Clémentine responded, “Oh, I am nervous! Very much so! Look at my hands, they’re shaking! But freaking out won’t do anything but make it worse.”

They then get the others to do some breathing exercises, and as silly as they were, it helped.

“We’re gonna do amazing. We’ll make the Harkers proud.”

And they did!

It was a bit of a rocky start- Cole’s voice did crack, but no peeing of the pants happened, so that was good! And there were a few slip ups, but as the performance went on, they all found their rhythm, and it proceeded smoothly!

Getting a standing ovation at the end was like a dream come true. (They all cried)

The Lark and Cooking

Perrine does most of the cooking for the group. She has a few cookbooks that she uses! I feel like the kids would have their own garden to grow fruits and vegetables, so she would get most ingredients from there, but for meats, she’ll fish and hunt.

When it comes to hunting, none of the others want to even TRY. Cole will cry if they have to kill an animal, Clémentine feels too bad, and Kingsley simply isn’t trusted with a weapon. Fishing, however, is different, and they all like having fishing days! Even if Kingsley does get bored after a few minutes.

Perrine doesn’t even necessarily like hunting herself, but it needs to be done. I feel like they don’t get paid that much for their performances, if they get paid at all, so it’s easier to live off the land, and that means hunting. Money needs to be saved for things like medicine, clothing, and things they can’t get from foraging. So, it’s Perrine who bites her tongue and goes out to hunt.

This is getting off topic, but I have more hunting-related headcanons, so if anyone is interested, let me know!

Anyway, yeah, Perrine does most of the cooking, and she’s very good at it! It relaxes her.

Clémentine also helps cook, and they’re also good! However, they don’t like handling meat because they always worry that they’re gonna undercook it, and the last thing anyone needs is all four of them getting food poisoning at the same time in their little house.

They’re very good at baking, though! They LOVE to make all kinds of baked goods, such as cookies or cakes or little pastries with berry filling. Everyone loves their treats!

Cole can do the bare bones cooking- soup and sandwiches. Everything beyond that somehow always gets messed up, whether that be because they added too much or too little of something or they forgot to grease the pan and the food is sticking to the bottom of it.

However, they love to bake with Clémentine! They can make a few baked goods on their own, but those are all recipes they’ve learned from watching Clémentine.

They also make really good tea!

Kingsley is not allowed near the stove.

[hauntedestheart]

Ruining Valentine's Day (Male Bodyswap)

Belated Valentine's Day story I threw together- fair warning, this one features heterosexual couples and explicit straight sex!

"Hey babe, sorry I ruined Valentine's Day," Trent said to his girlfriend.

Vanessa pressed her lips together and said nothing, just barely managing to disguise her displeasure with her boyfriend. Ordinarily whenever she got into this mood he would just take her into his muscular arms and carry her to the bedroom for some incredible makeup sex, but at the moment he was physically incapable of doing that so she was just left to stew in her anger.

Trent had never been the brightest bulb in the drawer, but it wasn't like Vanessa was dating him for his brains- the only things she was interested in were his good looks, his rock hard abs, and his huge dick. Unfortunately those were all of the things that his latest blunder had taken away, and now he was stuck inside of the considerably less impressive body of his nerdy little roommate Chester.

And worse, now she was stuck spending Valentine's Day with him while he was like that.

"I don't know why you agreed to test that machine with your freaky roommate," she said derisively, referring to the botched science experiment that had switched the pair's bodies. She'd never liked Chester so she glared daggers at his mousy face- Trent was behind it at the moment, but she was mad at both of them so it didn't really matter. "Those things never cause anything but trouble."

"Hey!" Trent crossed his skinny arms in protest, marveling at the novelty of how it felt to do so without bulging biceps or ample pectorals getting in the way. "I told you babe, I was trying to earn a little bit of extra cash so I could take you out on a nice date!"

Actually Trent would have agreed to do it for free because they were buddies, but Chester insisted on always paying his test subjects and Trent wasn't one to say no to a little bit of extra cash. He made a decent living as a part-time model, but with the money he'd gotten from Chester he'd been able to book them a reservation at a swanky restaurant- not that it mattered in the end though, because Vanessa refused to go out and be seen with Trent while he looked like Chester.

"Well, thanks to your brilliant idea we can't go out at all," she grumbled, rubbing at her forehead as she fought an oncoming headache. "You're such an idiot sometimes!"

Trent tilted his head to the side, upset by the sight of his girlfriend getting so stressed out, and tried to resolve it the only way he knew how.

"Damn, I'm sorry babe! I know I fucked up, please don't be mad," Trent sauntered closer to Vanessa and reaching up to put his arms around her shoulders, leaning in to nuzzle his lips against her neck- though he had to stand up on his toes to do so. "I'm fine chilling just the two of us tonight... maybe instead of dinner we can just... skip to dessert?"

Vanessa looked down her nose at her boyfriend (because she was taller than him now) and turned an appraising eye to Chester's body- the guy was skinny, pale, and had way too much acne for someone his age -and she pursed her lips. It was an understatement to say that she wasn't attracted to him- the sight of the freak made her pussy actively want to close up shop.

"How sweet," she said through gritted teeth, batting Trent's arms away from her and ignoring the lost puppy dog eyes he was shooting her. "But you're probably feeling weird in your new body and want to be alone, right? After all, wouldn't it be weird for you if your girlfriend slept with another guy's body? We shouldn't do anything until you get your real body back."

"Oh, of course! You're totally right babe!" Realization broke through the dim expression on the man's face, and he took a polite step back. "Sex would be weird."

She sighed in relief.

"We can just have a quiet night in instead!" He exclaimed cheerfully, and she froze. He continued chattering as he sauntered his way over to the couch, pulling out his phone to sort through takeout options as he settled in for a long night. "Like, we don't have to fool around all the time, you know? It'll be nice for us to just talk and connect and stuff! It feels like we never get to do that."

"Oh joy..." Vanessa hissed out, fighting the urge to break something.

Meanwhile...

"My darling, I'm so sorry I ruined Valentine's Day," Chester said to his girlfriend.

"Huh?" Shelby, who was currently straddling his lap and grinding on top of his cock, pulled her mouth away from his neck and stared at him in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

He smiled down at her- his girlfriend was so sweet to pretend like nothing was wrong, but what he'd done was unforgiveable! He'd wanted to have his emotional transference device ready in time for Valentine's Day so he could use it to show her just how much he loved her, but in the process he'd cut corners on his usually vigorous process and tested it on his roommate before it was ready and in a shocking twist of events it had switched their bodies.

He supposed it was better that it had happened with Trent than with Shelby, but still, he found the situation less than ideal. His roommate's body was so different from his own- how was he going to explain things to his girlfriend when instead of the man she'd fallen in love with, he turned up looking like a heavily muscled model? He wouldn't blame her if she took one look at how tall he was, or how big his arms were, or the scratchy stubble adorning his square jaw, and ran for the hills.

Fortunately she'd taken the proceedings in stride and had insisted that they needn't cancel their plans just because of the accident- though he suspected she was more upset than she let on. She hadn't been able to stop staring at his body all evening and had rushed through dinner, and now she was trying to comfort him by letting him kiss her.

"I'm referring to the current state of my body of course," He sighed and stared down at the musclebound body he now possessed- such a stark contrast to his usual twig-like frame -and grimaced. "You've lectured me time and time again about being more careful with my experiments but I didn't heed your advice and look at me now! The victim of a freak accident on the most romantic day of the year, and you have to shoulder the burden."

"Chester, really, it's fine!" Shelby said- again. She was a little annoyed by how he kept interrupting their make out session after it had taken her hours to convince him that yes, really, she was okay if they did stuff together while he was in another man's body, and now she just wanted him to shut up so she could enjoy feeling up his gorgeous roommate's body.

"I appreciate you being so calm and collected about this," he smiled at her, strong jaw tightening as dimples appearing on either side of his pretty mouth, and she felt her heart flutter and her vagina tingle. "I know it must be strange for you to look at me and see an unfamiliar face."

Truth be told, the only reason Shelby had agreed to go out with Chester to begin with was because she'd grown tired of being the only single girl in her friend group and saying yes to the little nerd who worshipped the ground she walked on was better than being alone. Sure, she knew she was settling, but it wasn't like she was particularly a catch either so she'd just had to make her peace with that.

But for once, one of his idiotic blunders had worked out in her favor. A 10/10 guy like Trent was way out of her league, so she was going to milk this opportunity to be up close and personal with him for all it was worth! The longer Chester took to switch them back, the better.

"Oh yes, absolutely, it's so weird," Shelby lied, her eyes flicking down hungrily to his toned body again, and she ran her hand down his delicious torso. "But I don't want you to feel bad so let's just stop talking about it and try to enjoy the evening, okay?"

As if to illustrate her point, she slid her whole body down the brawny expanse of his body and reached for his underwear, stripping the tight garment off of his body and squealing with delight as she saw Trent's massive penis spring out. The lust inside of her reached a fever pitch as she stared at the long, thick tube of flesh that was hard as steel and already leaking pre-cum from its swollen head, and the thought of having it inside of her was almost dizzying.

"Oh my goodness, that's large!" Chester remarked, rather pointlessly as the size of his member was plainly obvious at a glance. He shuffled uncomfortably in place, making the turgid pillar sway around heavily. "Sweetheart, I appreciate how brave you're being about this but if this is uncomfortable for you we can stop here. I can't expect you to-"

"Shhhh," she whispered, placing a finger over his plump lips to silence him. He was not going to ruin this moment for her. "Let me have this."

Lifting her body up, she positioned herself over that glorious cock and slowly lowered herself down on top of it, moaning with delight as the incredible mass pushed against her walls. Chester's puny little thing never felt like this inside!

With his real body they only had sex in the dark so she could pretend he was someone else, but she had no need to pretend now. Her eyes drank in the gorgeous man before her, his beautiful face and powerful body a sight beyond even her wildest fantasies, and she began to bounce up and down as she tried to fit as much of him inside of her as she could.

"That feels so good!" She moaned, rolling her hips around as she rode him cowgirl style. She tightened herself and felt him buck beneath her, his hips moving of their own accord as he began to thrust up into her like an animal in heat, and it was so unlike him that it made it easier to pretend that it was the real Trent she was banging instead of her annoying boyfriend.

"This position is very interesting!" he agreed- their usual sex was fairly quiet missionary so he was glad for the opportunity to experience sex from a new perspective. He was glad his girlfriend seemed to be making the best of their unfortunate situation! "But don't worry, I promise you I'm working as fast as I can to find a solution to this predicament. I'll be able to make love to you in our normal fashion in no time!"

"Well don't-" She cut herself off with a grunt, barely managing to speak between panted breaths as her body was rocked by their lovemaking. The last thing she wanted to think about in that moment was boring sex with the real Chester. "Don't rush. No need to put so much pressure on yourself you can- fuck -you can take your time."

Another spike of pleasure hit her and she let out a curse as she lurched forwards, grabbing onto to the pronounced shelf of Chester's pecs for support (because her boyfriend had pecs right now!) and digging her fingers into the muscles for dear life. He reached out to steady her and the press of his strong hands into her sides did a lot for her.

"You're so big," she groaned, relishing the feeling of Trent's huge cock penetrating her deeper than Chester's ever could, and at that he paused in his motions. "Oh my god you're so fucking big."

"Oh dear, is that an issue?" He asked, a worried expression on his face. Glancing down, he saw that he'd bottomed out and the considerable length of his roommate's cock was now buried in his girlfriend. "I've noticed that's Trent's genitalia is rather unwieldly compared to my own, is that a problem for you? Do you need me to stop?"

"No no no no no," she hissed out, clenching herself around him so he wouldn't be tempted to try to pull out and rob her of the incredible sense of fullness she was experiencing. "It's fine just- just don't stop doing that thing! Keep going!"

He nodded and his hips jumped back into action, a steady rocking motion, toned ass flexing beneath him as he used his newfound muscles to thrust his cock with trained efficiency. But while Chester's body was currently a fucking machine, his mind hadn't quite caught up yet, and he continued cheerfully blathering on even as his hips slammed into his girlfriend.

"I must say, it's fascinating," he said blithely, his voice doing nothing to betray the pounding that he was delivering. "It appears that I've inherited his muscle memory! This must be the fashion in which Trent is accustomed to performing intercourse- his muscularity and the dimension of his penis allow for a degree of power and positioning unavailable to my own body." He casually observed the way that his muscles flexed as he pumped, a visual reminder of the new strength that allowed him to rock his girlfriend back and forth so vigorously. Trent's body certainly was impressive! "The scientific implications of this technology are incredible, don't you think so Shelby?" He paused and glanced at his girlfriend, who had a strange look on her face that he'd never seen before. "Shelby?"

Shelby didn't hear a word he said- she was beyond words at that point, completely lost in ecstasy as she felt that glorious cock drilling into her again and again. This was the type of sex she had always wanted, the type of man she had always wanted to be with, and she stared at clung to his boulder-like shoulders as she rode the crest of that excitement to a screaming orgasm.

Because his scientific mind was so detached from the proceedings Chester wound up lasting impossibly long, which allowed Shelby to milk out a record breaking five orgasms for herself before he finally spilled his seed into the condom he'd insisted on wearing- he still made that same ridiculous face he always did when he came, but his borrowed face was so handsome that for once it didn't completely kill Shelby's buzz.

His mighty erection now subsiding, Shelby pulled herself off of him and laid herself across his broad chest, rubbing her face into his pillowy pecs and trying to commit the feeling of his abs to memory. Having a boyfriend with muscles was something she could get used to, and she was going to miss it when Chester was returned to his real body. She'd never quite been satisfied by him before, and after getting a chance to fuck this powerful stallion of a man, she didn't think she could go back.

"Hey, Chester," she asked innocently, tracing a finger over his mountainous bicep. "Would you ever consider... I don't know... working out?"

"Working out?" His forehead scrunched up, unintentionally making his pecs pop a bit as he quirked his head to the side like a confused puppy. "Working out what? More math theorems? I'm already on that. Let me tell you about some of the research I've been doing into the square cube law that could..."

Shelby sighed and tuned out his prattle, instead brainstorming ways she could break the machine without getting caught.

[starandcloud]

42!Miles Headcannons

I am on a kick of Spiderverse, so Tumblr gets it-

Miles has separation anxiety with you, which got a lot worse when you started dating, him being the prowler and all

He cannot handle the sound of guns, it makes his anxiety race.

He'd never admit it but he genuinely likes your company, like he'll deny it then go out of his way to find stupid reasons to hang out with you. Which his mom plays into. Miles: Aye, Idiota. Come over. My mom misses you. Y/N: Ooookay? Rio, hugging Y/N: Y/N I've missed you, how've you been? Are you feeling okay? Have you been eating enough? Y/N, laughing: I'm okay Mrs. Morales, thank you for worrying about me though Miles: *Absolutely smitten by how you interact with his mom*

Leaves you gits randomly, like if he's out on a job with his uncle and he sees something he knows you'll like he'll swipe it (and leave money) and either leave it on your desk or put it on your window sill. You've yet to catch him

He HAS stopped and watched you sleep when he left you a gift, not in creepy way more like a "God... They're so perfect..." His eyes, hidden behind his lil mask, softened on you. He only left because the hallway light flicked on and he panicked. That was the loudest he had ever fled from somewhere, he didn't even close your window.

He is really artistic too, he has dozens of sketches of you in his sketchbook. You're his favorite thing to draw

Don't get me wrong, I'm a sucker for Miles wanting to kill someone for you. But he would only think it, he'd never actually act on those thoughts. He couldn't bear the weight of taking a life, even if it was for you. He's a vigilante, remember

As terrifying as he seems, Miles is a HUGE baby when it comes to getting hurt. He'll act like he's fine, but when he's with his Uncle or Mom he cries. Like ugly cries, he's a huge baby-

Has Trypanophobia (The Fear of Needles), hates the sight of them and cannot handle it when he has to get shots

When he cannot handle anything anymore he goes to his dad's Mural and just sits there, he doesn't talk or make any noise. He just sits against the brick, sometimes he cries, sometimes he doesn't but he's always there late at night so no one really sees him

He doesn't talk to anyone he actually has a crush on, like he's flirty as hell with everyone but the person he actually likes he's really blunt and distant. Like a dumbass

I can 100% see Miles being Omni, like he could like anyone as long as he's close to them

We all know Miles' sleep schedule is FUCKED, he's a Vigilante, he doesn't get to sleep much due to everything being at night. But he still gets good grades and sleeps when he can

This is literally one of his posts on Twitter and you CANNOT tell me otherwise-

He isn't really bothered by people who're taller than him, or people who are a few inches shorter. But if you're below his chin he's wary, he's heard enough from Ganke not to mess with people that short. "They have to climb to get things, I don't wanna mess with someone who climbs counters.

I can see him being taller than 1610!Miles, cause 1610!Miles is 5'8" so I can see 42!Miles being anywhere from 5'9 to 5'10". Like it's not a noticeable difference if you're not paying attention, ya know?

Miles does Photography, but it's more of a hobby. He doesn't plan on turning it into a career, but he does it when he's got the chance, his posts look like this

Bubbly_Rose and Vanilla.Coffee.Addict. Are both his mom, different accounts to support her son. Best mom 100%

Miles has dozens of playlists on spotify, most of which are for his friends and family.

Cat person but has a german shepard named Luna

Had dreads ONCE and decided he hated them, so he stuck to his braids

Miles can cook, really really well. His mom and him used to bond through cooking and now it's something he does when he's stressed or upset

Depending on how tired Miles is, is how he sleeps. If he's just a lil sleepy, his legs are kinda bent and his arms are by his head, HOWEVER, if it was after REALLY tiring job with his uncle he kinda just falls onto his bed and sleeps like that

He usually doesn't go to anyone for comfort and comforts himself unless it's really bad then he goes to his mom or (if he really REALLY trusts them) his significant other

Miles has a tendency to flinch/move away from any form of touch that's not from his mother. He gets pins and needles if he's not expecting a touch and it is almost painful, I wouldn't say he's touch-starved but with his mom working so much it's easy to see that he would be

The one thing that brings Miles' to tears is watching his mom work herself to the bone and never being able to take a break. It makes him so mad that he can't help her, without it being obvious, that it reduces him to tears

He cries when he's mad

He hates it when people go through his things or move them. He has everything in a place, everything has to be perfect. Major OCD when it comes to his room, it's his space and he wants it perfectly clean

Miles takes really good care of himself, he keeps himself in shape (outside of being the Prowler) and makes sure to eat and hydrate right

Miles. Is. A. Huge. Softie for little kids. He acts like he can't stand them but the minute he's flashed a toothy smile from a little kid, he can't help but smile back

He considers a few people who aren't family, his family like Ganke

His idea of "A Perfect Vacation" is going anywhere with his mom and Uncle. It could literally be a trip to his Paternal Grandmother's house, and as long as his mom isn't working he is perfectly content

Miles tends to bite his nails and chew on his lips when he's nervous

By FAR the strangest thing Miles has ever seen was one of his classmates straight up touching their eyeball, that happened when he was 13 and it still freaks him out

Miles accepts advice relatively well, he doesn't show it but he does

He hates most pictures, but there was a few that his version Gwen took of him.

He is horrible at talking to someone he's got a crush on, like worse than 1610!Miles ;-;

Miles wakes up before his mom, when she's home, and makes her breakfast, he eats, showers, and goes to school, comes home, does his homework, goes to his boxing class (curtesy of Uncle Aaron), and depending on the day either goes on a job or goes to sleep

He has a few scars on his face from one of the first few jobs he was on when he wasn't far enough away from a bomb when it went off

Ocra. He CANNOT with the texture of it.

He loves stormy weather, its relaxing to him

He loves Fall and winter, the crisp air makes him smile

As a way to waste time, he goes to the gym or draws

When Miles wakes up from a nightmare, he kinda just lays there until he puts his headphones on and falls asleep to whatever song he's listening to

Miles collects little doo-dads from the street, it gives him something to fidget with

Miles knows English, Spanish, and French. He had to take a second language class and he COULDN'T take Spanish, so he's relatively fluent in French

Miles is the type of person to give someone the tightest most affection hugs, like even if he's just friends with the person. Hugs are like "I love you"s for Miles, they're sparing things from him

If Miles had three wishes from a genie he'd wish for: 1. His mother to either be paid more or for her to work less 2. His city to have less issues 3. To talk to his dad again

CROSSOVER: Miles is a gryffindor, with a Kingfisher Patronus and an 11.25 in Applewood wand with Unicorn hair ((I don't support J.K. Rowling))

Miles saw you in his clothes once and it MELTED him, he physically leaned against the wall and smiled stupidly

If you don't typically wear glasses (despite needing them, like my dumbass) and you wear them around Miles. The first time he saw you in them, he was distracted enough he walked into a wall.

Miles will protest being called cheesy things likes "Babydoll", "Pumpkin" "Sweets", "Bubba", "Light of My Life", "Tater Tot" (this happened ONCE, "Sunshine", "Dumpling", "Bambie", and "Babyface". He genuinely loves it when you call him that. Specifically: Babydoll, Pumpkin, and Sunshine. He still likes the other ones but loves those more.

[lololollywrites]

STEWING in anger today. My younger sister - she's 33 - was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS) 16 months ago, which obviously has been devastating. She is no longer able to work as a nurse, which has been a huge adjustment mentally for her (she LOVED her job in post-labor maternal care). She and her husband had only recently bought a house, but now they can barely pay their bills; he has to work extra hours, and she's home with both of my nieces, one of whom (at 8 years old) has severe behavioral issues stemming from ADHD and OCD. They've already had to file for bankruptcy. She's a wonderful mother, but the stress of it all certainly doesn't help her MS symptoms, and it all piles up (she isn't always physically able to clean the house, etc.). I live about five hours from her and come down when I can to help, but I can't do that as often as I'd like.

She's been hospitalized five times in the past year (unable to walk, with spasms and pain) and received planned infusions even more often, though has thus far only received steroid treatments because HER INSURANCE COMPANY DIDN'T COVER THE INITIAL MEDICATION SUGGESTED BY HER NEUROLOGIST, then REFUSED TO COVER THE SECOND RECOMMENDATION (after the first one was ineffective) despite it being the one they argued should have been chosen in the first place. That's meant she's only had treatment to **manage** her symptoms rather than **treat** them. For over a year. FOR A PROGRESSIVE DISEASE. After more than five years of being misdiagnosed with POTS despite clearly having more going on (and a doctor's office "misplacing" an MRI from years ago that could have showed early signs). Fortunately, she recently got approval from her insurance and will begin treatments next month that will hopefully help.

But this post isn't even about that. This post is about the fact that, as she can no longer work (and briefly tried another desk job at the hospital that was also impossible due to her MS brain fog), she applied for disability. 15 MONTHS AGO. They've made her jump through SO MANY HOOPS - so much paperwork and waiting with no updates that she's been in tears more than once. My mother even contacted her state's Congress representative, who's reached out directly to the disability office to inquire as to why it's all taking so long. Without disability, she and her husband will barely be able to cover their bills, let alone save to repair the many things that need repaired in their new home or to support their children. Or even to just, you know, take a vacation for the first time in ten years to ensure their marriage is salvaged. We started a GoFundMe at the beginning, right after she was diagnosed, which was wonderful, but she doesn't want to do that again now; it feels like begging to her.

Yesterday, her disability request was denied. Who the hell knows why. It was just an instant updated status; we don't yet have the letter. She's devastated, as are all of us. It just seems incomprehensible, though apparently up to 77% of disability applicants are denied in the hope that no one appeals (about 50% do). She now has to get a lawyer and fight for what she deserves. More stress (making her symptoms worse) and more money. And more waiting.

This whole experience has just further radicalized me. I have no idea what to do. I'm just SO ANGRY.

[plutobutartsy]

some freelancer headcanons surrounding their apartment

their apartment is actually quite small since they can't afford a bigger one but it has big windows that make up for this with lots of natural light!

because it's so small they don't have a bathtub, only a small shower, gavin was devastated when he found out

whenever freelancer is really stressed gavin will book a room in a nice hotel for a few nights so they can spread out on a huge bed and take hour long baths together (don't ask him where he got the money from)

freelancer is kind of a neat freak, they can't stand being in a messy enviornment

they always were really clean but once they moved into that small apartment it just amplified by ten since things get even more cramped when it's messy

i might be projecting but i think freelancer has depression which makes their need for a clean space really unfortunate, since it can get really hard for them to keep up with cleaning. you can tell by how messy their apartment is getting that they're entering a depressive episode. cleaning just feels like such an impossible task and they end up feeling worse and worse, it's kind of like a downward spiral

of course gavin helps and cleans up for them but they also have a habit of becoming very reclusive during an episode, so sometimes they straight up won't let him do it

they really like plants but they suck at keeping them alive so they only have a few that are easy to care for

gavin brings them fresh flowers every week, they keep them in a beautiful vase that they bought from an old lady at a yard sale

before composting a bouquet, they will take at the very least one petal to press dry and keep in their scrapbook. they write the flower name and the date they got them next to it

every window sill is absolutely COVERED in things. crystals, sea shells, pretty stones, coins, small clay sculptures, literally any trinket you could think of

they also have a bunch of wind chimes near all windows, some from local artists and others thrifted and re-painted together with caelum

sometimes when lasko visits and he notices freelancer being tense or worried, he'll deliberately make the chimes jingle to help freelancer relax. it works every time and so far they haven't caught on yet

their entire fridge is completely covered with drawings by caelum, it's gotten to the point that they expanded via a pinboard that now hangs over their kitchen table

lots of posters in their room!! as mentioned, they love supporting local artists so many of them are bought in person at local music events

community is also really important to them so they tried to form close bonds with all of their neighbours early on! they immediately introduced themselves once they moved in and they try to help out with whatever they can, wether that be lending out flour and sugar or going grocery shopping for someone when they fall ill, freelancer will do it!!

[narzissenkreuz-ordo]

i guess i need some. advice? encouragement? about some stuff thats been happening recently so suicide/violence cw under the cut

i won't go into detail but i had. a very huge emotional/physical/mental breakdown today. where i was just. basically screaming and howling about how suicidal ive been lately. I haven't said anything out loud/via text on the internet abt it because i know saying i want to kms so often is bad for my own well being and ultimately makes other uncomfortable as well

so yeah i've just been. holding all that in. i knew the thoughts were coming in and out the past few months but was just shrugging it off as just being stressed abt the nightmare year i had. but i really was just. lying to myself and others because i didnt want to worry anyone/didn't want to admit how horrible i was doing after a couple years of good progress. but as it stands things are heading into a really bad direction for me rn. its not normal to go to sleep suicidal and immediately be suicidal upon waking up.

I don't really know what i can really do harm reduction wise. i'm unable to have regular visits with a psychiatrist/therapist bc of availability issues + i tend to just. lie. because its easier to say im fine than it is to advocate for myself and get actual help. and even then medication will not save me and coping skills can only go so far if im so deep in it im unable to take care of myself/feed myself/clean myself/eat/etc so none of it is effective enough in the moment. i know it CAN be effective and some of the skills ive learned can help during situational issues but this is really deep rooted improperly treated mental illness and i need a stronger foundation to be able to use any of the skills

i use a means of self isolation to punish myself, because i'm so upset with myself for not being able to pick myself up on my own. people can say im not a burden over and over but theres always gonna be a catch in the end. i freak out because what if this is one of my last meltdowns before they decide enoughs enough and i just get abandoned. again.

I feel like maybe being so Online is making things worse?? but i don't know??? my concentration is completely gone even when trying to use dnd/closing discord completely and im just constantly refreshing social media every 10 seconds and just stew in the bad feelings.

I don't know if just. leaving the internet cold turkey for a bit would do more harm than good.....i dont want to be alone and caught up in my thoughts. but i have a hard time doing things in 'moderation' and don't know how to even begin to roll back my internet/screen time usage

fandom is fun and great. but i dont think i should be using video games as pure escapism or playing them 24/7. im already getting bored and unenthusiastic about the things i like because its ALL i do.... I want to have at least SOME time away from screens. i hate having the impulse the check social media or refresh even 30 seconds (im even doing it NOW) but i just dont know where to begin in cultivating non-screentime hobbies and have the ability to focus on things more long term without having than doing 1000 things all at once to keep myself busy. i play video games muted most of the time, have a yt video playing, sometimes i'll stop mid video game and pull out my ipad while still having the games open, and im always on discord

there's books i still want to read, i eventually want to pick up sewing again. im considering getting a craft set for making those beaded bracelets (my brother gets them from concerts all the time and thinks it would be fun to make them too) but that all requires money

and i just. idk where im going with this rn but. any advice or suggestions or just. words of encouragement would be. really nice rn

[eva-does-her-best]

Transition is going great, it is genuinely saving my life, it's just unfortunate that it is happening at what could be one of the worst parts of my life.

Huge vent tw: self harm, abuse, sexual trauma

Hormones are the only purchase I can make every month, I don't have a job, our bank account ends up negative multiple times every month. I have a security camera in my room because my father is an alcoholic and my sister a junkie and they've stolen money from me since I was a child, they singlehandedly ruined our whole family but we can't even get rid of them because she has children and he pays the rent.

I try to accept my disability now that it got worse but despite the pain and frailness of this body they won't give me any help. Would diagnoses of my mental illnesses help convince them? Too bad, psychologists don't want to diagnose anything, they prefer trying to gaslight me into thinking nothing is wrong.

Clearly nothing is wrong when every time I make someone upset by mistake I whip my back until I can't feel it anymore; when I can't go to uni class because eventually I always get depressed and then my body takes over and makes me miss class against my will; and many other things.

I spend the days alone in my room because none of my friends ever visit me, and the most important people in my life live too far away and I may never see them. The people whose existance makes me want to try to have a life despite the constant feeling that I'm dying (thanks to doctors for saying that since I was 6) and despite the fact that I've never wanted a life before. Is a simple hug too much to ask? I miss you even when I am speaking with you.

5 years on an abusive relationship, trying to be good and safe and accomodating my whole life to a person who took all her life's and studies' stress and threw it at me every day, who sexually treated me like a biohazard and an afterthought despite demanding so much from me, who yelled at me so often I flinched every time her hand went near my face, who never even tried to understand my disabilities or support me with them in any way, who months after dumping me and being radio silent CALLED ME just to tell me how many people she had fucked and how she got raped only to then go silent again. I had to take YEARS to heal from all of that, terrified of people, unable to want, feeling like a monster and in danger at the same time just for having sexual thoughts. And now that I can finally attempt to trust someone again everyone I love is too far and fuck I feel so alone.

Do I demand too much? I really just want someone I like and love, I want to be cared for for once in my life, I want patience and understanding with how little control I have over my emotions, I want to take care of someone and make them happy, I want someone who doesn't take any recreational drugs, I want to stop suffering every day. I know I am a fucking huge burden, do I not deserve love? Do I even deserve to dream of being alive?

[lover-of-mine]

Lady Whistledown... Things are super weird this morning. The acceptance of Tim was talking about us is getting drowned out, but we were only copying BOBS" so it's not our fault. Also a lot of but we got our deleted scene and they didn't so clearly Tim likes us more .

A lot of nerves, though, because they are worried today is the day they drop anything, buddie. It's Thursday, so even they think something could happen. So caught between hoping nothing is posted, even if it's him and not wanting Buddie attention. I'm not sure if that made sense.

I will say though while they have been bleeding numbers and even bigger ones have made it a point to start to post less, clean up their accounts to make it look like it was never them. The angry ones would rather stay and burn it down. If he's not back, they will hate post. Try to drown out any positivity. If you ever had another potential LI become huge shippers of them. They already float around who could be potential boyfriends for Buck and Eddie. It just can never be Buddie.

On your question... I don't follow a lot of people and you were always one of them. Had to block a few after they switched sides and became mean. Was watching things unfold on both sides and one day just wrote you because I was tired of the Oliver hate. And I could tell a lot of people in the fandom didn't really see how it was falling apart over there. I figured even if it made a few people feel better it was worth getting caught. I also just like you and your random space so much it felt natural and you responded!!! And that's how our relationship started😂🤣 but it made me also feel better every day to unpack what I just saw so thanks for being that space

Hi baby 🩷

The whole thing with the deleted scene is something else, they would have to pay for the right to the song to give us our deleted scene, they're not gonna drop this much money on an Instagram reel lol but sure, let's use the scene that paints Tommy in an ever worse light as a good thing...

I mean, it would be nice if something buddie happened today that's for sure, but I understand the stress of not wanting anything to happen at all because it gives us something to talk about.

And them being ready to switch to anti buddie not just bt shippers makes perfect sense actually. Let's see how things play out tho.

And honestly, I feel like we really weren't seeing anything beyond the very loud chaos, so it was very nice to see that it was all a front. I am happy you felt safe enough in my madness to want to talk to me, I love what we have going, so I'm happy to be this space 🩷🩷

[slightlyaggressiveaffirmations]

So, Slightly Aggressive Affirmer, what's your whole deal?

Great question, Clive.

(Sorry, I thought you were some sort of chat show host called Clive. Let me readjust my worldview)

Great question, friends. Why did I write Aggressive Affirmations in a consistently reliable, ritual manner for 5 years and then stop doing it and constantly keep coming back and promising to start again and never making good on it?

Well. There are actually 3 answers to that question.

.

Answer #1

To begin with, let's reposition our worldview - just as we did with Clive. Now, let's change the way we see me, The Slightly Aggressive Affirmer. What if we put a new filter over me - we'll call it the "Autism Filter". I haven't got the money to go through the diagnosis process but it's looking pretty likely.

With that filter on, look again at my being absolutely focused on writing affirmations for 5 years and then stopping to suddenly focus obsessively on my research work for the next 2 or 3 - except for the two months I took off to sit on the porch every single day and write a medieval romance novel.

Now I want to get back into affirming again and I try to - I still feel it's important and I keep saying to myself I'll do it - but I just don't have that obsessive drive to do it anymore.

I think if we look at this with the autism filter, it starts to paint a pretty clear picture of what might be going on here...

.

Answer #2

It became more and more difficult, and more high stakes to write affirmations, as the number of followers kept growing. There are now 15000 - although who knows how many of you are still on Tumblr? But that's a lot of responsibility and it became very stressful to keep making sure SAAs are for everyone and that no one feels excluded by them (excepting people who should always be excluded, like Nazis). When it was just a few random people reading affirmations, it was much easier to chuck in a few and whatever. But the more the blog grew, the greater the stress.

.

Answer #3

I started writing Slightly Aggressive Affirmations for myself. I was the only one following the blog and it was set to send ME reminders of my own value - in the kind of aggressive language necessary to get through to me - because I was extremely low on confidence and needed real force to get it in to my head. But then things snowballed.

Thing is - I don't need them any more. It's harder to think of the kinds of things I should write, because I know longer need them myself. I have Slightly Aggressively Affirmed myself to a really great place, in terms of my self confidence and self love. I still have bipolar, and right now my life isn't going so great, so I get depressed but I do not believe fundamentally, at my core, that I am bullshit trash.

My primary emotion nowadays is possibly worse! I'm driven by anger a lot of the time - I've got a lot of deep rage, caused by long ago trauma. (I'm in therapy, don't worry). But I think most people would agree that I'm a fundamentally different person to who I was pre-pandemic. I'll tell you more about it some time. But I am drastically different - and definitely more than SLIGHTLY aggressive most of the time.

.

In conclusion, I believe affirming used to be an autistic special interest of mine and now it is not - but I'd love to make it one again! Especially now my two-year long, 65 000 word research project is finished. But it's much harder to get back to where I was, because the number of followers I have now is different, Tumblr is different and I am hugely different as a person.

Thankyou for reading this short essay/memoir. I'll see what I can do about a little affirming tomorrow.

Always remember that YOU MATTER!!! YOU ARE IMPORTANT!!! YOU ARE THE ONLY FUCKING YOU IN THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD!!! THINK ABOUT HOW FUCKING MAGICAL THAT IS!!!

[meret118]

2023 Review

This has been the worst year in my life. (Long post.)

Nicholas died in February. I thought he was just constipated, but he was 20 years old and my vet insisted I take him to the emergency clinic. I didn't like the place even then. They have all this fancy equipment, and they overcharge and overtest to pay for it. They insisted he stay overnight, which I didn't want, and wouldn't let me say goodbye to him. They called later to say I was right. They'd given him an enema, but wanted to watch him overnight. I should have gone to get him then. They called at 2 AM to tell me he'd died.

He started living under my car and following me around shortly after I moved into my apartment. He had horrible health problems, including stomatitis which made his breath and saliva smell horrible. I think that's why his previous people abandoned him. The idea of him dying alone in a cage thinking I'd done the same torments me. If I'd just followed my instincts it wouldn't have happened that way. I don't think well under stress anymore. I miss him so much.

That was my winter. This past spring I almost died myself. (I'm not going into the details about what happened.) I've read the hospital notes, and my oxygen rate got so low they even called my uncle at one point to see if he wanted them to try and resuscitate me if my heart stopped. I was in the hospital for weeks, but I only remember the last 4 days or so of being there.

I ended up losing the use of my non-dominant hand from a compression injury, and have been in constant pain ever since. The muscles from mid-forearm down have wasted away. You don't realize how much you need that hand until you can't use it anymore. I've always been healthy before this, and it's been a huge adjustment. I feel like I've aged about 10 years. Crafting was one of my main hobbies, and I can't do that anymore. It takes me forever to type anything out now too. ETA: The non-stop pain has been the worst thing.

Everyone except my mother knew she's had Alzheimer's for years. (She refused to believe it.) She lost touch with reality completely while I was in the hospital. The neighbors had to call the police, and they took her to the hospital where she lives. I don't know if the stress of my being in the ICU pushed her over the edge, or if it was just a coincidence. She had already started hallucinating some before that. My father has been in assisted living for Alzheimer's since 2018, and now she is too.

Contrary to what a lot of people think assisted living is paid for completely out of pocket. Regular health insurance doesn't pay for it, nor does Medicare. It requires long term care insurance, which they don't have. It's not cheap either. Hopefully they will have enough to last as long as they need it, but it's not a sure thing. If they do spend all their money, they'll end up on Medicaid in a government funded nursing home.

Assisted living is like living in a small apartment with daily activities, and even trips. (I moved them near me into 2 really good ones. ((They don't get along.)) My father is even gaining weight, and doing so much better. I go see them once a week.) A nursing home is like living in a hospital.

My father had a good job, (upper-middle class), but was forced into early retirement at 55 due to bad-mouthing the new exec at HQ. He was used to being the (regional) boss, and never got another job. That's 10 years of income he didn't earn.

What's even worse is they made each other their POA's instead of someone younger. After my father was put in assisted living, my mother met a man at an Alzheimer's support group who conned her into allowing him access to all her accounts. Everyone told her not to do it, but he's a CPA, and she had no experience with handling the finances.

I know he had a wife with Alzheimer's because Janice met her when she helped him find an assisted living for her. So he was there for a real reason, but I guess he saw an easy mark and decided to go for it. He made sure never to be around when I was there. She and I don't get along anyway, but I think he was also poisoning her against me based on some comments she's made.

It all came to a head late last year as her Alzheimer's got worse. I found out by accident that he has been stealing from them ever since he was given access to the money. He had romanced her into doing that and leaving everything to him in the will, a new will he wrote. As well as I can figure out he told her he just wanted to be friends as soon as he got what he wanted.

I tried to get a new will written, but her Alzheimer's was too bad at that point, and lawyers refused. My uncle saw a lawyer earlier this year, and he said we're screwed. When she dies the guy gets everything, even if my father is still alive. She's a narcissist who has ruined my life over and over ever since I was born. Now she's going to ruin things after death too.

I'm having to go through their 3 story house crammed with decades of things to get it ready to be sold. The basement is so full you can barely walk through it. I'm single, with no kids or siblings so it's just been me.

At the moment I'm pretty sure I finally have COVID. I have to stay isolated since I was exposed over christmas anyway, so I don't see the point of getting tested right now to find out for certain. I'm fully vaccinated, and my symptoms are very mild. My fear is of developing long covid.

[back2bluesidex]

Idk if this is something you’d want to read but after reading your post about being lonely, i definitely feel the same way 😅 albeit probably a little different. I dont really have anyone to talk to about this feeling so i thought maybe i’d share this. I just started a seasonal job in retail at 22, ive never had a “real job” because since i was 14 i was considered the “family babysitter” & once i turned 16 i kept applying for jobs so i didnt have to keep babysitting, nothing worked out because i was always met with “you need more experience “ & i kept getting that until i was 20 (when i just gave up & accepted I’ll probably be a babysitter for family/family friends forever 🥲). Ive only really been surrounded by kids & family, my mom took me out of highschool in my 1st year because she hated the public school system & decided to “homeschool” (which was go get my ged at 18), so i never got to experience the highschool life & friends, i was pretty isolated. Aside from getting rejected from jobs constantly, i wasnt able to go to college after either because it was too much money & that “nobody would be at home watching kids”. So ive just constantly felt very alone & whenever i would mention it i was met with things like “dont be selfish. you should be thankful youre not out there in the world, it’s evil” etc etc. Along with the fact i dont know how to drive, i had a huge fear whenever i was 15/16 so i never learned then but when i was 18 i didnt have that anymore & wanted to. I was constantly trying to get people to teach me, but no one would and driving school costs a ton which i didnt have bc no paying job. That added on to that feeling & i kept feeling behind

So fast forward to now at 22, i was finally able to get a seasonal job at victorias secret and nov 4 was my first training day. I still have that feeling & now im just stressed about everything. They immediately put me on cash register & very vaguely explained things to me, so i wasnt the best when trying to check people out & i know in retail you’ll get horrible customers sometimes and that’s literally all i got. I was so overwhelmed & i did accidentally mess up someone’s change (which was fixed!) so i had them screaming at me 2 hours in my first training day. And i cant stop thinking about how inadequate i felt during that & that whole day really. I would get judgmental looks from the other workers when i would ask questions, because ive never done anything like this before. I kept getting looked at like i was stupid for not knowing things & that messed with me (still is). I dont think itll be like that entire time im there, im hoping at least.

And i still dont know how to drive, i tried once this year from my older sister but she started grabbing the wheel when i was trying to drive because she panicked (i was going in a straight line in a empty parking lot) & stated she’s never trying to teach me again. My younger cousins learned how, have their license and new cars already & i hate that i feel jealous and angry about it because it is family, but everyone who helped them constantly told me they couldn’t with me year ago & still now. I get subtle remarks of “your cousins can drive already/youre 22 & relying on others to drive you” etc. (they also all have jobs already & not a seasonal one like me) But yeah, i feel so alone & inadequate at literally everything, have for years. Breakdown all the time because i have no clue on what to do & i have no one to talk to about it.

Rant over, sorry for how long it is, im probably being dramatic too, there are people who have it worse than i do 😅 but yeah, i get that feeling! I do hope you feel better better about it 🫶🏻🤎

Don't say sorry! It's alright. Rather I am glad that you found me and my blog safe enough to share your troubles with.

and let me tell you that you are just 22. You still have a whole lot of time ahead to make money, to learn driving, to make friends, to enjoy life and do everything you want to do.

Don't ever think you are late or that time is slipping away from your clutches! It's not.

I am 25 and I can't even cook. Can you believe it? a 25 year old woman who can't even fry an egg properly while cooking is a basic survival skill? my friends can make a whole feast if they want to and I only know how to boil some instant noodles. At times this made me feel like an inferior too but no, none of us are inferior to one another because what I can't do - you can and what you can't do - I can. we are all lacking and it's okay.

Also, if those people made you feel like a fool just because they didn't train you properly then it's their fault, not yours. when you start working you need to learn one thing that is to make you skin thick. It's only you who needs to know the truth - that it's not your fault - and the rest of the world can go fuck off.

and what if you did some mistakes? we all are allowed to do so. mistakes are the only way we get to learn, isn't it?

So, please, darling. Cheer up! You have a ton of time to buy that car or get that job or tell people to fuck off when they ask you to watch their kids. Things aren't over yet. You are doing good. You will do even better tomorrow and one day you will be the best! I believe in you and I am proud of you!

even though I know we are basically strangers but just know this person right here, an elder sister to you, will always be proud of you no matter what!

if you want to talk, slide into my inbox any time. I will always welcome you!

Love you!! 💕💕💕💕

P.S: You should have charged for those babysitting sessions.

P.S.S: I, too, don't know how to drive. LMAO!

[aristotels]

Of course all problems and inequalities are direct consequence of modernity and in the past those who are now considered undesirable were considered divine and definitely weren't treated even worse and didn't have access to anything that resembles accomodations. Let's bring those times back!

In Ancient Rome specifically there was no hospitalisation, yes, but also people who were considered mad couldn't make financial and legal operations on their own at all and couldn't be citizens, and were considered pariahs by their communities. This is not to say that you are wrong because you picked the wrong time to see as "when things were better", it's that just because what causes problems now is capitalism doesn't mean that before it people were always kind and caring, everything is much older.

(Or that removing the money would fix everything on its own, for that matter)

are you literally so stupid to fail to see my point

the point isnt "LOOK WHAT THEY TOOK FROM US" the point is that fears and delusions depend on the society youre brought up in; and also sorry that a 5 sentences tumblr post didnt go into history of medical malpractice, it was a lighthearted post made by someone with those very issues

yeah, if i lived then, then id have a different delusion more fit to those times - but it would not resemble my current paranoia or nightmares of being drugged or talked to the way ive had medical staff talk to me bc those things are specific to our society.

(Also you can still have your rights denied for being mentally ill today as well?????? what happened to free britney??? And like My family doctor once literally suggested to my dad to involountary check me into psych ward which was smth my psychiatrist at the time was very much trying to avoid because he KNEW how dehumanizing that is, he spent more than sn hour trying to figure out if my visions of suicide were actual suicide risk or intrusive thoughts; telling me later that he was willing to gamble such a huge risk and responsibility he would have to take in case i actually did smth to myself - just to keep me out of the hospital stay because he worked there and SAW how dehumanizing it is. because getting in the ward here doesnt mean youre done when youre out, this shit affects FUCKLOAD of things in your life!)

are you really trying to be like "LETS TAKE AWAY ACCOMODATIONS FROM PEOPLE WHO SUFFER WOOW GOOD JOB" in my inbox rn btw considering that i am literally schizophrenic w some other mental illnesses, and that i take fucking meds upon meds for it, including antipsychotics??????? and i am also very grateful for those aids, but even with meds my condition will never be resolved and its severity very much depends on the people/society around me. my delusions while living in croatia might differ from someone who lives in the usa.

i literally have no patience or attention or care or anything to argue with you rn, if you wanna discuss political or economical or marxist or whatever theory in my inbox go ahead, but i am NOT arguing about my own fucking lived experience and having you speak to me this way, in an incredibly entitled and dismissive way. its late and im going to bed. i genuinely dont care for your "ummmmm ekshually capitalism is noot thaaat bad-" shit while i keep having episodes on the daily in a big part due to fuckin capitalism. losing my other job is putting me through stress because i have no money, but it also eased up certain aspects of my illness because i dont have to hit hardcore fucking deadlines every week.

p.s. who the fuck is talking about money not existing. if you are gonna bring that up within communist theory and up for a serious discussion thats a whole other thing, but moneyless and stateless society doesnt just rest on tadaaah no money, like theres a reason marx wrote books n essays on that shit and why daddy engels sent him checks. and even in ideal communist world we would still have mental illnesses, but i am absolutely positive that my thoughts would differ than the current ones and that they would probably be less severe. and also why is this implying that communism wont have like the fuckin medication

i usually take care to carefully reply to asks and try to actually give a serious opinion but i gen dont care if i sound incoherent rn, this legit pissed me off