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mrsjellymunson · 7 months ago

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Pairing: Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Summary: Eddie helps you generate a new D&D character, but that’s not the only thing that gets started that day

WC: ~2.5k

C/W: 18+, MDNI! NSFW? Physical flirting and teasing, heavy petting, sort of in public (nobody notices). Smut-adjacent? Thigh riding. Swearing. Nothing overly explicit, but it does get heated. Eddie and reader are both over 18. Trope: oh no, there aren’t enough seats, where will you sit? No y/n, one pet name. No physical descriptions of reader other than she wears a skirt (of unspecified appearance).

A/N: Should I be working on parts for my outstanding series? Yes. Would this not leave me alone until I wrote it down? Also yes. I had fun creating a new character in a different RPG and I have no idea whether this is how D&D works, so if it’s not, let’s just pretend, okay? 😆 Text dividers by @strangergraphics Dice dividers by me 🫣☺️

I have a general taglist now, let me know if you’d like to be on it 🖤

My masterlist

Eddie can’t believe his luck. You’re pretty (gorgeous, actually), insanely intelligent and have, for some as yet indecipherable reason, decided that you want to play D&D. With a load of nerdy teens. And him.

You’ve joined in with a couple of short campaigns at school, seeming to enjoy them immensely and fitting in well with the group, bantering with the boys and bonding with Erica over your shared ‘take no shit’ attitudes. At first Eddie wasn't sure how that dynamic would work, but you slipped easily into letting the younger girl show you the ropes, and Erica is clearly enjoying having more female energy around.

Eddie knows that creating a new character is one of your favourite things to do. He’d never admit it, but it’s one of his favourite things to watch, too. He adores the sparkle in your eyes, your creative brain and how excited and animated you get when you come up with new ideas. Sometimes they’re sketchy, or even impossible, which he finds hugely endearing. He also loves how you’ll always check in with him, asking his advice and respecting his opinion.

This weekend he’s running a oneshot at his trailer for the younger members and you. New characters, novel plot, the works. The plan is to create new characters in the morning, and play the game in the afternoon.

This’ll be the first time you’ve been to his home, or seen him anywhere outside of school, and Eddie’s nervous as all fuck.

He couched it as ‘a good opportunity to develop a greater understanding of the game’, but he definitely has an ulterior motive for inviting you here.

So far, he’s taken every opportunity he can to make you laugh, sit near you, even touch you. Creating scenarios where a subtle hug, or even a playful tickle is somehow appropriate. He covers it quickly by immediately doing it to someone else, hoping you won’t spot the bulge in his pants and the fact that he can’t stop looking at you.

He’s not sure for how long he can keep it up. He wants so much more, and it won’t be long before he either loses it, takes it too far, or, worst case scenario, you notice he’s being a total creep and ditch the group because of it.

He’s been trying to muster the balls to ask you out for weeks, practicing lines and imagining scenarios, but he’s found it more difficult to plan than even the most complex of his campaigns.

And although it’s unlikely given the crowd of nerds that’ll be around, he couldn’t miss an opportunity to be in your company. He thought that maybe, just maybe, he’d manage to get you somewhat alone and do it today.

He’s tidied up the trailer as subtly as he can, doing all the dishes and straightening Wayne’s caps, hoping the others won’t notice and ask him awkward questions. But he’s jittery and anxious, terrified that you’ll take one look at where and how he lives and decide you want nothing more to do with him…

Eddie has no idea that you’re just as nervous as he is.

You’ve enjoyed the Hellfire campaigns so far, but haven’t really managed to get all that close to the Dungeon Master, much to your chagrin. Sure, the game is enormous fun and you love all the members and how welcoming they’ve been. But the DM? Holy hell, he’s hot as sin, and being able to spend time around the larger-than-life metal-lover only adds to your enjoyment of the sessions. But you can’t imagine it’ll ever go any further than that. You doubt that a geeky D&D novice who he’s hardly spoken to is his idea of the perfect girlfriend…

But god, the physical touches? Christ. It’s as much as you can do to hold it together. You’ve shared a few celebratory hugs, and he’s even tickled you a couple of times, all of which you’ve enjoyed far more than you’d let on, and filed away in your memory for retrieval when you’re alone at night in your bed. But you know that he’s like this with everyone, and are under no illusions that you’re special. So you relish each and every contact, wishing there could be more.

What if he looks at you for too long with those gorgeous, huge, chocolate-brown eyes? And what if you forget how to speak? It’s already happened an embarrassing amount of times, but you’ve managed to pass it off as being stumped because you’re a beginner. You don’t know for how much longer that excuse is gonna fly.

And, if all that wasn’t already enough to send your anxiety levels skyrocketing, you’re also acutely aware that you haven't spent time with any of the group outside of school as yet. You’re worried that you’re going to ruin their social dynamic, or mess up the game. Or embarrass yourself with no easy way to exit, having to wallow in your shame until the mums come back later to pick you all up. Your spiralling makes you realise that although it was really kind of Mrs Wheeler to offer you a lift, you’re now really wishing you’d brought your own car…

All kinds of anxious thoughts are running through your mind, from what if your ideas are stupid, to what if everyone (okay, specifically Eddie) dislikes the cookies you’ve baked??

Neither of you should’ve worried.

As you enter his trailer, Eddie seems a little flustered, running a ringed hand through his gorgeous chestnut waves and unnecessarily straightening a pile of magazines on the coffee table. He smooths down his (new) black tee (that he totally didn’t buy especially for this occasion), and you pay it no mind, assuming he’s just always like this with visitors, and is excited for the campaign.

You barely glance around Eddie’s home, smiling softly at the trinkets you spot, and offering to help plate up the snacks in the kitchen area. You don’t look uncomfortable, and you certainly don’t pass judgment. Eddie eyes you as indirectly as he can, noticing the unusual skirt you’ve got on (that you totally totally didn’t choose specifically for today). He likes it.

Just like at school, you slot easily into the melee of pencils, paper, dice and snacks. Everyone loves your home baked cookies, including Eddie, and Erica even badgers you for the recipe.

Eddie thinks you couldn’t be any more perfect.

You think this isn’t so bad after all, and relax a little.

The morning’s character building is going well, the fact that it’s a oneshot not diminishing anyone’s efforts or attention to detail.

You still haven’t quite got the hang of the dice and numbers parts, always asking for Eddie’s help with that. His help, not any of the others, he muses with a certain amount of pride and delight. (Selfishly, part of him secretly hopes you never get the hang of it, and will always need to seek his input.)

With you now added to the group, there aren’t enough seats at Eddie’s modest dining table. Nobody notices. Initially Dustin and Will are deep in a discussion on Eddie’s battered sofa, and Mike and Lucas are rifling through the fridge, both at that ‘hollow legs’ stage of teen development and constantly ravenous.

Your character’s almost done, and you just want to clarify a few things, so you ask across the table,

“Eddie? Can I bring this over for you to check please?”

He waves you over, putting on a fake English accent and saying,

“Of course you may, my dear. You know I’m always happy to assist my flock.”

You chuckle lightly at his endearing foolishness as you get up from your place next to Erica, taking your character sheet over to Eddie for his perusal. Behind you, the younger players all convene at the table to share their progress, and all the seats become filled.

With no free spots near him, and assuming you won’t be here for long, Eddie pats his leg absentmindedly and says, “Sit here, lemme see.”

You end up on his lap, facing sideways at ninety degrees.

You initially turn towards him and bring your sheet between you, but there’s not enough room for him to properly examine it, so you turn the other way and lay it on the table in front of him, turning so your back is to him, your legs straddling one of his knees. He leans forward and begins to check it over, confirming some details and asking for more particulars on others.

Eddie’s been admiring your enthusiasm and level of engagement all morning, and he’s impressed by the depth of information you’ve already managed to accumulate.

You’re absorbed with your new character, getting excited and gesticulating wildly. Ideas bounce easily between you and Eddie, his face smiling softly and his dimples popping as he gets to see you like this.

It doesn’t escape him, however, that you’re also bouncing on… him. He flushes a little, and hopes you don’t perceive it.

As you gesture at a particularly thorny issue on your paper, it dawns on Eddie exactly what parts of you are in contact with him, albeit through multiple layers of fabric. The softness of your thighs and the heat from your core against his leg fully absorb him for a moment, and he has to ask you to repeat yourself. You don’t seem to mind, assuming it was the general clamour in the room that meant he couldn’t hear you. That same clamour covers the sound of him awkwardly clearing his throat and gulping loudly.

It occurs to him that he’s never experienced anything… like this. Occasional hookups in the woods or after gigs at The Hideout are great and everything, but he’s never before felt like he has a literal, real-life angel sitting on his lap.

And you? You are slowly realising how nice Eddie’s lap feels beneath you. It’s warm and solid, and the denim of his dark jeans feels pleasantly rough on the skin of your legs where your skirt’s ridden up. There’s a pressure against your most intimate areas that’s generating a warm feeling of pleasure in your core. You’re trying to concentrate, but it’s not easy.

It takes a few more moments for you to catch up to where Eddie is, and you register that you’re essentially riding Eddie’s thigh each time you move.

Your lips roll inwards and you swallow deeply, closing your eyes for a moment, trying to compose yourself. It doesn’t help, and only serves to focus your attention even more fully on the delicious sensations beneath your legs. This is the closest you’ve ever been to your Dungeon Master, and for the longest time. And you can’t help how flustered it’s making you.

Embarrassed, you cough and go to stand, but quickly see that there’s nowhere for you to go. Eddie scans the room and notices your predicament, and, in a broken voice that’s almost unbearably soft, tells you, “It’s okay, Princess. You can stay here.”

Fuck. A pet name? You enjoyed that, perhaps a little too much. If you were being rational you could put it down to Eddie referencing your new character, who happens to be an aristocratic mage. But right now? Right now, you’re not feeling particularly rational.

You slowly sit back down, but as you do so Eddie shifts his position, causing you to spread your knees a bit wider than they were and land further up his leg, giving you even more contact with his thigh. You hope he didn’t hear the broken little hum that escaped you.

Eddie leans forward and in a voice that’s far too quiet, and far too close to your ear, he asks, “Are you… okay?”

You can barely breathe, and all you can manage in response is a tiny, squeaked, “Mhm.”

Behind you, Eddie takes a stuttering breath in, letting it out slowly before he resumes discussions with everyone else at the table.

You each become more unfettered as the morning progresses. Further not-so-accidental encounters only serve to increase the tension between you both.

At one point, you lean forwards over the table to get one of the manuals, lifting your butt from his leg. For a moment you hope there won’t be a visible wet patch on your skirt, or on his jeans. But then you wonder whether it would actually be so terrible if there was, and whether it would actually be so terrible if Eddie saw…

Eddie saw. He hums slightly, but it sounds more like a whimper, and he attempts to cover it by clearing his throat for the umpteenth time today.

He wonders whether you’re doing this on purpose, whether you have any idea what you’re doing to him.

As you settle back onto his thigh, one of Eddie’s hands travels to your hip, holding it lightly, just resting it there. A fire travels up that entire side of your body.

You wonder whether he’s doing this on purpose, whether he has any idea what he’s doing to you.

He leans forward to reach for something on the table, and this time brushes his chest against your back for far longer than is necessary. You feel his breathing against your neck speeding up, hot gasps coming from between his lips instead of controlled outbreaths through his nose.

You reach for a die, and as you sit back you half-intentionally push your core down onto Eddie’s leg just a little bit harder. God, he feels so good. And so what if you’ve moved backwards slightly, so your thigh is even further between his legs, and your butt nudges his crotch?

You definitely feel something hard pressing against your ass. The grip on your hip tightens, and Eddie dips his head forward to hide his face and stifle a moan. Christ.

You think you hear him mumble a quiet and stilted, “Sh-it.”

Eddie can barely contain himself, this morning not going at all how he could’ve even dreamed. He had no idea whether you even liked him, and was planning to sound you out and maybe manage to ask if you wanted to do something cheesy like grab milkshakes sometime.

Having you hot and wet on his lap wasn’t even on the edges of the outside of the periphery of his radar. He’s really trying to keep it together, but he’s barely maintaining a grip on his actions.

Attempting to focus, he leans forward again to explain a character point. You turn your head and look into his eyes attentively, whilst simultaneously rocking your hips ever so subtly and chewing on the inside of your bottom lip.

All at once, something shifts. Something big.

Eddie holds your gaze for way too long. Or maybe you hold his.

Maybe it doesn’t matter anymore, as you both silently acknowledge that there’s way more going on here than simple D&D advice.

Simultaneously, you both come to realise that your affections are most definitely reciprocated.

Shit, he likes me.

Fuck, she likes me back.

And then, as your eyes are locked and he sees your pupils blow wide, Eddie loses that tenuous grip.

Suddenly, both of his hands come to your hips, and he presses his forehead against one of your shoulder blades. He grips you tightly and moves you back and forth against him, squeezing, pulling, pushing, dragging. He’s keeping his movements as tiny as possible so as not to rouse the attention of the group, but what he lacks in expansiveness he more than makes up for with strength and intensity.

You think this might genuinely be the most erotic thing you’ve ever done with your clothes on. You’re hot and wet, and you barely care that you’re in a room full of people, supposedly playing a nerdy game.

Eddie keeps moving you. One exquisite movement spreads your sopping folds in your underwear, and your mouth drops open in a gasp, hand gripping the edge of the rickety table. You try to disguise your movements by shoving the end of a pencil into your mouth and hunching over your paperwork.

Eddie totally notices, and stills you. His warm palms continue to press against your hips, his strong fingertips digging into your flesh. Instead of continuing the back and forth movements, he pulls you down as hard as he can onto his lap whilst outwardly retaining his composure, turning the garbled sounds coming from his throat into encouraging noises for the group.

The two of you can barely focus anymore. Eddie hasn’t let his hands travel anywhere above the tabletop, lest his actions be seen by the others, but if your expression is even half as flustered as Eddie’s is red, somebody is going to notice something. And soon.

You take a couple of deep, steadying breaths.

You’ve already completed your character, so you decide to do a faux check in with Eddie, asking, not entirely innocently,

“Eddie? Is there anything else you’d want me to… take off?”

Turning, you add, even less subtly,

“What should I do now, Master?”

Eddie’s face screws up and his jaw clenches, and you feel the rock of his hips as he bucks his hips up underneath you, pressing his hardness into your flesh and muffling a grunt into your shoulder.

His head snaps back up suddenly and his voice becomes clear and piercing, as he inhales quickly and declares to the room, waving a hand,

“Okay, lunchtime! Everybody out!! You guys need some fresh air and I need a break. I don’t wanna see you for at least an hour, and you’d better come back with pizza! Goddit?”

The teens comply, bustling out the door, a few of them eye-rolling and grumbling something about how this is almost like being at home with their parents.

They’re still leaving as Eddie moves his face so close to you that you can feel his breath in your hairline, and his soft, pink lips tickle the edge of your ear.

In a low, velvety voice, he murmurs, in a tone that’s somehow both challenging and pleading,

“Please Princess, turn around and say that to my face...”

You smirk, and reach behind you to pick up a D12.

With all the sultriness you can muster, you raise your eyebrows and indicate for him to take it. He opens his hand, and you place it down, the tips of your fingers lightly skimming the hot, damp skin of his palm.

Looking into his eyes again, you’re relieved to discover that your power of speech remains entirely intact, as you murmur, with more confidence than you thought you possessed,

“Okay, Master. How about this? You roll, and the result is how many kisses you have to give me...”

Eddie swallows and almost chokes, sitting up straight and gently lobbing the die across the mess of paper and writing implements. His chocolate eyes don’t leave yours as it rolls and comes to a stop in the centre crease of one of his manuals. He struggles with the internal conflict of never wanting to break your gaze and a deep desire to check the number.

He has no idea where the rest of today, let alone this, is going, and he’s grateful he has at least the next hour in which to find out. But he does know one thing:

He’s never been so desperate to roll a 12 in his entire fucking life.

Thanks so much for reading!

(This might become part of an anthology of D&D-related adventures - let me know if you’d like to see more!)

Please comment and reblog if you enjoyed this, it’s honestly like throwing breadcrumbs and roses for your writers 😃🥰

My masterlist

I have a general taglist now, let me know if you’d like to be on it 😃

Tags: @joejoequinnquinn @jamdoughnutmagician @curlyjoequinn @madaboutmunson @airen256 @sunshinepeachx @the-unforgivenn @skrzydlak @comeonatmebruh @jamiecb66 @80s-addict @abellmunsonmovie @definitionwanderlust @wonderlanddreamer

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kazusys · 2 days ago

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— him with you.

you and xiao argue. the aftermath mixed with some jealousy, near death, and a talk helps fix things. / hurt to comfort / cw: arguing, near death (not detailed), mentions of headaches and stuff / other: you’re dating, it’s implied that xiao spends a lot of time with lumine. obviously, you are not the traveler. (❕) a/n: wrote this after reading a lotta xiao angst :( i love lumine dw but i needed someone for the object of jealousy 😔 not proofread

pair(s): xiao x reader

wc: ~1.1k words

the wind whistled past your ears as the lantern in your hands seemed to grow heavier with each passing moment, as was your heart waiting for your beloved to arrive.

you even selected a secluded spot— almost perfect— knowing that xiao didn’t like the crowds.

if only the night two days ago never happened.

it was an argument, a small spark that flared into a raging blaze of words never taken back, unable to and blocked off by pride.

you felt your hands shiver. was this it?

your eyes trailed over to the people readying their lanterns, over to the hills and over to a specific faraway duo standing together, two lanterns held between them.

for some reason, your vision starts blurring and you have the urge to go closer, not in sight, but closer— prove yourself wrong.

but deep down, you knew who they were.

they fit next to each other nicely, more so than you could ever see with you and xiao. xiao and lumine. it’s her, it’s always been her, hasn’t it?

“hasn’t it?”

“what are you talking about?”

“it’s her. it’s always been her.”

“this is why mortals are so aggravating. you’re straying from our original topic of conversation.”

and the sudden thought leaves you almost paralyzed. “i’m not good enough. but she is. she can make him happier than i ever could.”

and you leave. all the accusations on both ends, all the daggers left in a sharper state than ever, every single thing he downgraded you on and every insecurity you spilled out with malice in your voice, all left unresolved as you both ignored the problems and each other.

as he stands with the renowned traveler, the beauty and gem of a person, who wasn’t you.

it wasn’t the first time.

retreating away from their figures as quietly as you can, you return to the spot you were at before.

as you watch all the lanterns float up into the air, especially those two’s, you send yours up too as the rest of you goes down.

and the only sound you process is the sound of your sobs and the tears watering the grass beneath you.

the next few days are dulled and robotic. painful sunny days going on and on despite the turmoil you feel, like the world shifted but no one notices except you and those who share the same feelings you harbor. you don’t feel like much. you don’t call xiao a single time. why would you? he’s probably busy…

…with…

…lumine.

and she deserves it. you can’t hate her.

you view the beings in the distance that you were tasked with on killing. you know that this’ll be harder than usual. everything is. with everything going on and your lack of sleep mulling over the said events, maybe fighting and continuing on with your line of work isn’t the best choice.

but it’s the only thing that can take your mind off of everything. at least, that’s what you think, until that everything invades your mind as you take down one of the abyss mages. you stumble at the thoughts, your legs trembling as you threaten to sink to the ground.

you don’t want to do this anymore. you can’t move.

and with your frozen stance, one of them strikes you away, and yet you can’t find yourself doing anything.

you don’t have the energy. you don’t have the motivation. nothing seems to matter anymore, and all that can fill your head are the thoughts that if someone else had replaced you on this job, she would’ve never had this problem.

she.

the last thing you can recall is a gust of wind and him in front of you.

you wake up in your shared room with xiao with a throbbing headache. everything rushes in, making the pulsing of your head turn into a mallet bashing it in.

there’s a note beside you in xiao’s handwriting with some sort of mint smelling substance, to help with the pain in your head. he wrote, “we’ll talk when you feel better. i love you. i’m sorry. -xiao”

you feel a part of you mend together with those simple words.

a few minutes later, he appears. you greet him with a small smile, only to be greeted back with a, “why didn’t you call me?”

you avert your eyes and look down at your blankets. “i just… figured…” your original reasoning sounded petty in your head, now that you were rested and less clouded.

“i told you to say my name whenever you are in trouble. so why didn’t you?” he said after a few moments of silence.

“i thought you wouldn’t come.”

he knelt down to your level. “that’s foolish. why wouldn’t i?”

you inhale, feeling tears build in your eyes as your lungs start to burn. “i… it’s everything— the argument, the way we didn’t talk for days after, how i saw you with lumine at the festival— i didn’t think you’d come because i thought you didn’t care anymore… i-i thought…”

you catch your breath as you measly try to wipe away your falling tears.

“i thought you fell out of love.”

you risk a glance at him, seeing his bewildered expression before hugging you tight.

your eyes widened as you felt his own tears fall with yours.

“i’m so sorry. i never should’ve… i never…” you hear him sniff, “i love you. i should’ve realized, i— i should’ve given you more of my time and fixed everything during the lantern rite, i shouldn’t have gone and— and made it worse.” his small sobs in between his words breaks your heart after it mends from what he’s spilling. but it’s a different break. a break that makes you want to hold him forever and never be the cause of his sad tears, ever again.

“xiao…”

“i’m a horrible lover. why did i say all those things? i… i’m sorry, i’m sorry… i love you so, so much, please don’t… please don’t end things with me, i still need you.” his voice breaks with his last few words as you sob together.

“i-i love you too, we both— we both said some things and i should’ve trusted you more— and— can i kiss you, please?”

he immediately presses his lips against yours, realizing just how much he missed the feeling and fit of you with him.

you two would talk more later when you both are more in your right headspace and can be more comprehensible, but for now…you both hold the other, crying and throwing “i love you”’s at each other as you relish in the vulnerability and the person you both missed most.

©️kazusys — 24/12/24; do not plagiarize/steal, repost, translate, and/or claim any of my works as your own.

#[ 📄 pages . . . ]#xiao genshin x reader #xiao x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact imagines #arguing #argument #jealousy #hugging #kissing #genshin impact #genshin fanfic #xiao #hurt to comfort #angst #fluff #hurt/comfort #dating #genshin x reader

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esmereldapearl · 7 months ago

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Hi, this’ll be my first post so bare with me. I’ve never been one to actually post on different social medias and I’m newer to Tumblr too, so if I sound too serious or off that’s probably why. Anyway, to my point;

I am probably going to post a lot of theories or deep dives into different characters from different fandoms and this will be my first! So, here’s a deep dive into Virgil from Sanders Sides; (Spoiler warnings ahead for like EVERY episode)

Let me know if you agree, disagree, or just your thoughts on this if you can, I would like to hear them! I think it would be interesting.

Janus was talking in todays (05/25/24) video, it made me realize that Virgil could’ve left because he wanted someone to be honest with him and show him sincerity, both things Janus hated, and every secret Virgil had would be used against him, his own name was, and that’s why he was afraid to say his name to everyone and now he’s probably realizing Pattons going down the same path he walked, and he’s trying to help his friend but there’s no use. He became closer with Roman because he showed him honesty, he was mean but apologized for his actions and showed him who he is, good and bad, and showed him sincerity when he pushed Thomas to talk to Nico. Virgil showed Roman he was because he was less scared, Roman had shown him who he is and so he will do so too, the purple eyeshadow. In the cheering up episode he was showing things to Roman that he liked, something he didn’t do with everyone because he was afraid of it being used against him, and in the gifting episode he heard Janus against Roman and got angry at Janus because Roman is his friend, someone he can finally trust, someone who won’t use it against him (Janus) or tease him (Remus, DWIT) and he and Roman have a bond where they can tease eachother or make jokes but know they’re jokes because they have trust. Virgil probably realizes that the dollar bill with Roman was special because Romans afraid of Failure and hes feeling like he fails with all his friends who are turning on him, so to give him something personal, or as Janus put it, ploy to his ego, it helps with his insecurity that he’s not significant, Virgil gets that because he had to loose everything he knew to gain what he has now, which is scary and puts you at the bottom of a pit you have to climb out of.

If someone said to you, “I’m not angry” but looked super angry wouldn’t that make you upset? Or if you showed something to them and they said “I really like it” when they have a look of disgust on their face. This is something I feel Janus would do from his mannerisms in the newer videos with Remus.

I think that Janus is someone who can be easily trusted at first, the one you feel finally understands you or is finally nice to you but as you go on with being friends you realize it was all a lie, the relationship’s foundation was built on lies. Remus doesn’t care, nor has he left Janus so their friends. Virgil cared, and left, so Janus is angry at him and uses everything against him- maybe he did it before too. Maybe Virgil saw how the others acted towards him and changed his original motive, sometimes when you see something doesn’t have to be a certain way, you don’t want it to be a certain way. Example being, you can cut the grass with scissors but if you find that tedious or don’t like it, change what you’re doing, make it easier, make it nicer for yourself. Same goes with being around people, you don’t have to be around people who make you upset, or you realize make you upset, because that’s all you know. It’s scary, so scary from experience but when you’re on the other side it’s clearer, nicer, happier— and the fact that Virgil can trust someone so much now that he can finally show them something he likes or the purple eyeshadow is just showing how much better he is, even if it might seem like he’s walking backwards, he’s not, he’s in the clear for the most part.

Virgil is only “going backwards” with saying he’s like the cousin, I don’t think that means he wishes he was back there, I think he means that’s where he’s from, that’s what he knows more, he doesn’t exactly feel like a light side probably, so he’ll assume he just still feels like a dark side. He’s probably afraid that his relationship with Patton is deteriorating over Janus, he’s afraid Patton’s mad at him because of the “I’m not mad at you” but looks upset thing that probably happened with Janus.( I’ve had people do this and it does affect me like that so that’s why I’m saying this) But Virgil would rather protect Patton from him and have Patton dislike him than to stand back and let it happen I’m guessing- I could be wrong though. And, in the video where Janus and Patton are in the woods it’s noted that Janus doesn’t share much about himself to Patton, he might not want people to do what he does in turn.

Maybe that’s why Janus doesn’t like Roman, because he is mean to those he doesn’t trust and then once they know each-other is nice, and trusting and sincere. He doesn’t like him because he didn’t trust him without batting an eye, he realized what road he was on at the start and it crumbled a lot faster than anyone around hims did- immediate, or almost immediate distrust made Janus not like him since there isn’t much to use, just ploys to an ego and that is all. Roman is sincere towards Virgil and Virgil likes that, Janus could be angry that his friend is with someone new and angry at that friend. Janus can make all these remarks and they don’t matter until Roman speaks up and it’s Romans fault. Janus did what he did with Virgil to Roman, found what was important to him, an insecurity, and used it against him. Roman was quick to know the game, but he doesn’t know how to win the game.

All of this, or even some of it could be stuff that people have already realized and known, but I find it intriguing and interesting to think about dynamics and what goes on in peoples heads.

Again, if you want to add, or disagree please let me know, I want to hear what everyone else thinks about this if you’re seeing it- did you already know this? Do you disagree? What do you think is different?

Have a wonderful rest of your day and thank you for listening to my TedTalk.

#sanders sides #roman sanders #prinxiety #virgil sanders #ts virgil #ts roman #janus sanders #patton sanders #remus sanders #theory #my thougts #moceit #logan sanders #fluff #angst #headcanon

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dross-the-fish · 1 month ago

Note

Warning you that this’ll be worded weirdly in advance (I’m not good with wording)

I don’t know how to describe the phenomenon but how do you avoid art style envy? Or keep motivation when your art style isn’t where you want it to be?

(Because I feel as though I need to justify everything here’s an explanation) I often use your art as a reference because I like the style and it helps me get a basic idea of the anatomy of some characters (Adam, Jekyll, Hyde, Erik, for example) and then I get art block because it doesn’t look good to me (and then I remember your twice my age)

Sorry the wordings weird and sorry if it’s long

Honestly I think the reason I manage not to get wrapped up in my art not being where I want it to be is down to the fact that as I've gotten older I've started giving less fucks about drawing for an audience. I like to draw, and even if there are people significantly younger who are a lot better I'm drawing primarily for my own enjoyment, not to compete with other people. I also try to be kind to myself, I drew pretty irregularly over the years and went through long dry spells and if you'd seen my tumblr pre 2022 I have maybe 5-6 drawings per year and now that I'm drawing on at least a weekly basis I'm seeing rapid improvements in much shorter spans of time. Practice will pay off. You just have to commit to it and let it do its thing. There's no deadline to get good at something, some people pick up a skill right out of the gate and others don't discover how passionate they are about hobbies until they're older and everyone learns at their own pace. Don't stress over your art being perfect or "measuring up" and even if your drawings don't turn out great at first keep practicing. A hobby that brings you joy can be a wonderful and fulfilling thing regardless of skill level. When I was probably close to your age my own art looked like this. this is a drawing from a really old sketchbook and as an exercise I sometimes go through and redraw old art just as a fun way to test my skills. Seeing your own improvement is a good way to get out of feeling discouraged.

I have learned a LOT about drawing since I was in high school and so will you. I promise.

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just-your-average-cryptid · 1 year ago

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Task Insurance

So a thing I’ve noticed being around a lot of neurodivergent people and spaces is that a lot of nt people don’t seem to understand why executive dysfunction and lack of motivation makes it so hard to Do Stuff. This is kinda how my brain processes it, so maybe it’ll help other people get it?

Say you have a Task. Doesn’t matter what right now, but it’s there and needs to be done, and it has three basic upfront costs.

Time - 15 minutes, an hour, a week; however long it takes to do The Task

Energy - for however much effort The Task needs

Motivation - to actually start The Task and keep doing it

You can’t skip out on any of these - you have to “pay” all three in full to do The Task. No motivation, you can’t start; no energy, you can’t finish or work at all.

Those costs aren’t equally difficult to pay, however: time can be set aside and planned, energy can usually be mustered or at least scrounged up, but motivation can’t be forced.

For neurotypicals, that motivation cost is covered by NT Insurance in most cases, so the only thing they need to pay “out of pocket” are the time and energy costs. Neurodivergent people don’t have NT Insurance, though, so they have to “pay” all three on their own.

For example. Let’s say the Task is Clean The Bathroom. You’re neurotypical, so your motivation cost is covered already, and you’ve made the time to Clean The Bathroom. You have at least enough energy to do two subtasks (Clean Toilet and Clean Shower) and possibly a third. This’ll be easy!

Now let’s say you’re neurodivergent. You still have the time and energy above, but you’re out of spoons or something similar and just can’t cover the last cost. Welp. No clean bathroom for you, unless it’s so bad that Panic Insurance is paying in full for all three costs.

See, that’s what happens without NT Insurance. If you can’t pay the cost yourself, and that’s often the case, something else has to do it for you. That thing is usually panic. Or deadlines. Or “deadly black mold.” (Most of these are just panic with extra features, tbh.)

Executive dysfunction is like having your motivation funds tapped out, even if your time and energy funds are bursting. You can’t start a Task even if you wanted do, you can’t afford it.

You CAN, however, do a Thing. A Thing is not a Task, it’s not “work.” A Thing might be scrolling through social media, playing a game, going for a walk, anything with low motivation costs that’s enjoyable and/or easy. It’s that sweet quick-return dopamine vs the later return a Task might provide. For some nd people, a Task might not provide any dopamine upon completion, so there’s no reward to work towards. And without that reward, a lot of nd people lose any reason to do said Task.

For NTs, “the satisfaction of a job well done” is so fundamental to their experience that the idea of it not existing for everyone is baffling. They don’t even realize motivation is a cost, because it’s so often covered for them. And so when nd people talk about motivation and executive function issues, they think it’s about being lazy or not trying hard enough.

It’s not.

Lazy is “I could do it now, but I don’t feel like it.” Executive dysfunction is “I could literally do it right now if my brain would just cooperate for once, but instead I’m stuck in stasis mode trying to convince my legs to work.”

So for anyone that needs it: you’re not lazy, and you’re not broken. You just don’t have Task Insurance when everyone expects you to because they do.

(This is not at all an expert pov and kind of written off the cuff, so please correct me if/where I’m wrong 😅)

#it speaks #executive dysfunction #neurodivergent #‘did you write this instead of cleaning your bathroom’ shush

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pinkhairandpokemon · 1 year ago

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[ERROR]

[USER DISCONNECTED]

[RECONNECTING…]

[USER RECONNECTED (…?)]

🫅: Oh cool, I didn’t know baba had a Rotomblr!

🪷: are you that surprised…? it’s an old site

🪷: anyways, should we really be posting on here?

🫅: Look at the date of the old posts, baba hasn’t used this account in years, they won’t care. This’ll be a perfect way to show the world Celebi really exists once we get that picture of it! We’ll give their phone back before they even realize it’s gone.

🪷: as long as you don’t drop it in a ditch again…

🫅: Oh come on, that was one time, I tripped!

(OOC EXPLANATION BELOW CUT)

(( hi! so. consider this a late 100 followers mini event. 175 followers event, ig. ))

(( this’ll go on until tomorrow afternoon, maybe later! either way the regular gang will be back soon enough. basic summary, these two mysterious new characters have somehow gained access to Blake’s account. perhaps through supernatural means? maybe you already know who they are depending if you follow my main pkmn blog lol. ))

(( anyways, mostly doing this for sillies and bc my motivation for pkmn irl has been on and off and I thought doing a funny lil blog event like this would help me get back into it! I hope it’ll be fun ))

(( oh, also “baba” is a gender neutral term for a parent for those who are confused ))

#typing through time #< event tag #pokeblogging #pokemon irl #pokeblog rp #pokemon #pokemon oc #pokemon rp #pkmn irl #pkmn rp

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clearreads · 2 years ago

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Let’s talk about ‘Gwen and Art are not in love”

I approached this text very casually on goodreads and decided to read it because I’m really enjoying medieval-setted media.

The book describes itself as a romcom, which I agree with as a description till the second half of it, where it completely revolves around romance while towards the end it’s quite dramatical. Would I recommend this book? Yes to those who want to read a light ya romance revolving around the middle age centuries. The writing is also great (From the point of view of a second language english-user) and also helped me to enrich my vocabulary with words used in Old-English.

This is the end of the spoiler free section, I’ll not spoil the entirety of the book but just the first instances(approx. first half), so if you already know the premise (which you can understand just by looking at the cover I suppose) you can still read! Now I’ll list deeper considerations.

----

On the positive side: I really like there were a couple of siblings - Yes, this is very silly but I really like when fantasy’s includes a set of twins/siblings who are silly and really close to each other, I really liked it on GoT and I really like it here. It’s a dynamic which (in my opinion) should be mandatory for a media to be considered a fantasy/j

The animal symbolism is really cute - This’ll be cleared up better in the second half till the end of the book. Talking about animals without major spoilers, I can’t not talk about Lucifer-Merlin, the cat that Arthur and Gabriel both share. At the beginning I thought He could be used more as a medium to get the two characters to interact, but, on second thought It would be a stretch that a cat like Lucifer would listen to his owners.

Gwen - She is probably the character that changes the most through the book and the one I aligned the most with. She starts as a really inactive character, but quickly (thanks to Arthur) decides to take more and more action which culminates with the final acts!

On the negative (it’s me being picky really) (less spoiler-free than the other section tho):

Bridget and Gwen - I don’t know. I think it was quite rushed and as Gwen said ‘... They don’t really know each other’ and yes that is correct but it’s never resolved. The book doesn't give a motivation to why Bridget likes Gwen and comparing it with the other romance, this seems a bit dull. Not in the ‘boring’ way but in the ‘flat’ way. The two are really comporal to one another but I wish their relationship was explained better.

The combat - This is me being really picky but I couldn’t really understand the stressing of the various fights the book describes. I just couldn’t follow. This happens to me with various books so maybe you’ll not have the same problems :)

#gwen and art are not in love #books and reading #books #book #book recs #lgbt #lgbt books #lgbt+

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kolbisneat · 2 years ago

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MONTHLY MEDIA: May 2023

If you notice I haven’t read as much this month, it’s because I got the new Zelda game. But between my vanquishing of evil I still managed to fit in some other media! Here’s how I spent the month of May.

……….FILM……….

BlackBerry (2023) Having grown up in Waterloo Region I didn’t have any interest in seeing a retelling of the story I mostly knew but this was really great! Surprisingly funny and frenetic and a truly unhinged (in the best way) performance from Glenn Howerton. Good stuff.

John Mulaney: Baby J (2023) I naively thought “I wonder how much this’ll touch on the drug stuff?”... turns out it’s all about the drug stuff. Cool that he was talking about it so openly, and made it so funny, but I wonder if there was more material that got cut? He briefly mentions a trip with his son and I would’ve loved to hear more about that. Anyway as a comedy special it’s really great.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023) You know I haven’t been interested in the last few Marvel movies but this one felt like it was going to be different..and it was! So many moving parts but I never had trouble keeping track of character motivations or story beats and the whole thing was really beautiful. I mean even the really gross stuff was fun to watch. Keen to go back and watch this as a trilogy down the road.

The Suicide Squad (2021) I was excited to see Guardians of the Galaxy so at the start of the month I rewatched this. Still impressed at how this can be equal parts a gross out dick joke movie and also built on a foundation of community and family. Builds well, nothing feels repetitive, and the finale doesn’t overstay its welcome. Really great stuff.

……….TELEVISION……….

The Bear (Episode 1.01 to 1.03) Never have I felt so stressed watching television. Really captivating episodes and I’m very excited to watch more.

Ted Lasso (Episode 3.08 to 3.10) Maybe it’s the time away from season 1 and 2, or maybe something happened behind the scenes, but season 3 feels different. Some eps really hit, and even some moments within those other episodes, but it all feels rather unfocused. Maybe it’ll stick the landing but my confidence has been shaken.

The Most Hated Man on the Internet (Episode 1.01 to 1.03) Perfectly paced. Just enough detail to get invested but after 3 eps it felt like I experienced the full journey. Really interested to see the public’s perception of revenge porn shift over time and I can only assume this website (and its founder) played a part in that.

……….YOUTUBE……….

Down the Off-Grid Rabbit Hole... by Maggie Mae Fish Love simultaneously learning about a corner of the internet and also how it’s exploiting others. Just wild. VIDEO

Why so many people need glasses now by Vox Turns out kids need to spend more time outside for legit biological reasons? Who knew. VIDEO

How Nintendo Solved Zelda's Open World Problem by Game Maker’s Toolkit Hey maybe you’ve been playing the new Zelda and if you have, you’ll find this interesting. I sure did. VIDEO

……….READING……….

The Righteous Mind: Why Good People are Divided by Politics and Religion by Jonathan Haidt (Page 165 of 500) The first time I read this, it really helped me understand the perspective some folks take on divisive topics. There was a sort of comfort to finally seeing what they’re seeing. In rereading this, I find myself getting angered while reading. The book is over 10 years old and while still relevant, it often feels quaint when talking about the widening gap between political parties. Its neutrality feels almost naive to me? Maybe I’ve forgotten a key chapter that helps.

The Fade Out by Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips (It doesn’t have page numbers...maybe 1/3 of the way through) Murder in old hollywood is just so cool. I’m really digging this so far and the art, characters, and pacing feel thoroughly natural. Every reveal is just so casual cause to these characters, it’s just their lives, and I love that. Big fan so far.

Ultimate Spider-Man Volume 8 by by Brian Michael Bendis, Mark Bagley, and more (Complete) I always liked the smaller stories in this volume that focused on Peter’s personal life...like break-ups and dating other superheroes and stuff. But for some reason the Jean DeWolff/Kingpin/Moon Knight stuff always just felt kinda rushed? I dunno maybe I like everything to be a little more fantastical or suuuuuuper mundane. None of this in-between shenanigans. Give me highschool or give me death.

……….GAMING……….

The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom (Nintendo) So good. I walked past a house that was redoing their driveway and had a bunch of construction stuff covered in a tarp and I immediately thought “hmm I wonder what I could build” and that...is the sign that I’ve played this game too much. Big fan 10/10 change nothing.

Oz: A Fantasy Role-Playing Setting (Andrews McMeel Publishing) The Mof1 Crew did some downtime planning ahead of a heist/attack combo that worked out pretty well! We played out events in weeks instead of in real time (for both the players and their enemies) and it worked pretty well!

Neverland: A Fantasy Role-Playing Setting (Andrews McMeel Publishing) The group is still navigating a rival adventuring party on the island and seeing what happens now that they’ve let their star-collecting duties slip. Big trouble. You can read about it here.

Anyway that’s it. See you in June!

#Monthly Media #kolbisneat #andrew kolb

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utkinhome · 1 year ago

Note

Could I get a tarot reading for my relationship with Frisk? I was Chara, who kind of followed them around as a ghost.

And maybe another reading for the same kin using the "You, Home, Heart" spread? If not, that's fine. ^v^

Thanks!!

Sure thing! I’ll do your relationship with Frisk first using this spread and then your timeline afterward using the spread you requested! This’ll all be with my The Legend of Tarot deck, so it’ll be upright meanings only!

———————————–

Partner: the overall feelings and attitude of your partner

I got the Queen of Rupees! Frisk was kind and nurturing to you, sharing the kindness and stability in their heart with you. They knew what to do to make you feel at home and loved and made you feel protected and cared for.

———————————–

Self: the overall feelings and attitude of yourself

I got the Chariot card! You acted as a motivator and reason for the movement to Frisk, helping them make their way through the Underground. Things were tempting to pull them away from you, but you kept them focused and helped them make haste! You helped them gain control of the situations they came across as well.

———————————–

Brick Wall: the obstacle, what stands between the two of you

I got the Four of Rupees! Either you or Frisk were struggling with a need for security and, as such, may have isolated from each other during some points of your journey. You also may have missed out on important experiences to remain stable, which may have damaged things between you two.

———————————–

You (top card): Something about the kintype, more broad, sometimes obvious but it may still be overlooked

I got the Happy Squirrel card! This card features Midna from The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess (shown below), and this nontraditional card can point to deception or secrecy. Considering Midna’s character and how this card can often be portrayed as negative, I see this as a clue to being more sly or trickster-like in your timeline or even outright ill-natured. You disliked humanity much like canon, possibly using mischief as an outlet for it.

———————————–

Home (left card): Something about your canon, can be general or specific

I got the Empress card! You definitely had a close, motherly figure to you, potentially Toriel, but Frisk could have also filled that nurturing role, according to the first reading! They put your needs first and helped you with all your endeavors!

———————————–

Heart (right card): Something fundamental about the kintype, something that makes you you

I got the Knight of Sticks! You were one in pursuit of knowledge, which may have been your primary motivator in your timeline! You took action in pursuing your interests, that is, until you met with an unfortunate end. Still, your time before your death was something to be looked fondly upon!

———————————–

I hope this helps you, and let me know if it does!

#undertale #undertale kin #tarot #chara kin #frisk kin #mod mtt

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whenimgoodandready · 1 year ago

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When you wanna put a stop to something, you take action. Like how the Bee Miraculous does it’s job by paralyzing the person they sting. Chloe had that job and then Zoe. Both sisters did well, but only one earned it by using their intended purpose for it wisely and for the greater good. Chloe sought fame and recognition as a super (“Queen’s Battle Part 2:Queen Wasp”), but Zoe was the one with the moral compass to only look out for the people and lend a hand (“Queen Banana”). Perhaps maybe Chloe would’ve eventually grown to do the same had she not been so selfish and listened to Ladybug (or Marinette/Ladybug giving her a chance more instead of a personal grudge), but alas it did not happen and we got a huge mess of a character from Chloe. That’s exactly what will also happen to the world if we don’t give it a chance and it causes a huge mess! We need to take action! How!? Read and learn:

*Action-This here special takes place in the middle of Season 5 and it turns out, Monarch was re-creating the world before the finale! How? Well, there’s a heat wave in Paris and Gabe was “solving the problem” by using 3-D Adrien and Kagami to promote these decorative (yet single use) plastic fans, that Mayor Andre had installed in vending machines all throughout Paris, which get discarded into the Seine river which pollutes it re-creating the city (and eventually the world) into a planet of trash!

None of the adults would help or understand the dangers of plastic pollution:Nadja with her news network (but for ethical reasons cuz she’d lose her job and not support her child), Gabe with the fan advertisements and even Mayor Andre on removing the vending machines selling said fans. Not even when Marinette and the gang decide to get to the root of the problem by going over to the head of the plastic industry and confronting Bertrand King, “The King of Plastic” (think Colonel Sanders, but “bubblegum flavored”), about their issue helped cuz Bertrand refuses to listen to the kids on reducing plastic, so they hijack the news station and point out (along with their Miraculous World friends) how over endorsing plastic can be harmful. These kids play hardball, let me tell ya, when they want to get a point across, they do it! Go big or go home!

This causes Gabe and Andre to save face by claiming to be “unaware” of the negative effects plastic can do for the environment and humiliating Bertrand to be akumatized, with the Bee Miraculous, as King of Plastic. An all plastic looking villain with the power to turn anyone he touches with his staff into colorful paralyzed plastic. When I first saw his look, he looked a bit too colorful to be a “plastic” themed villain. He looked more like a King Candy type of villain, but after seeing the ep, I realized that the reason why he was so vibrant was because all plastic is like that and he was like the human version of his multi-color changing pen that you see tween girls carrying in their trapper keepers! (Shhh! I have one too! It’s scented!), so it was fitting. The dynamic duo struggled with him at first, but it turned out his strength, was also his weakness! Whomp! Whomp! Whooooooop!

First ep to not be written/directed by Thomas Astruc and instead by the Breteau Foundation and despite the ep seeming “bland” and “Captain Planet” esque theme, kids shows tend to have episodes focused on environmental care so they can get their attention and take part in saving the world (in small doses that is) and having a little something for elementary school classrooms to learn from in a “Bill Nye:The Science Guy” type of way. Part of what motivates the kids to take action and not be so careless for the Earth. Which is why Zoe was more worthy of the Bee Miraculous as she was taking part in helping to minimize plastic use and Chloe was just there watching the interrupted news special (perhaps maybe this’ll come back to her and she’ll finally get that redemption arc we’ve all been dying for). Like before, this ep stands on its own being set in the middle of Season 5 possibly between “Confrontation” and “Collusion” which is why the more eco-friendly atmosphere isn’t established yet cuz of our new mayor, Bustier, and why Gabe/Monarch isn’t rotting in the dirt in his wife’s place (“The Last Day Part 2:Re-creation”). Not much else to go by since this whole special was pretty self explanatory and alls I can say is that we should do what we can to stop pollution and that I’m just waiting for the next special with Shadybug and Claw Noir!😉. I will still be back with that and the Season 6 premiere with new frames and thoughts on the show. Good-bye fellow Miraculars, the power is yours!

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous action #ml action

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notegodeath · 2 years ago

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do you have any tips for boosting word count in a meaningful way? i feel kind of sad when i write a 3k that'd take a few weeks (if i'm lucky) then see someone's output on ao3 be more consistent and with more count to boot. qq

i think obviously the biggest piece of advice i should give is not to care. in an ideal world, it doesn’t matter if someone writes faster, or more words than you, everyone goes at their own pace, and does what they can, and yada yada etc etc. that doesn’t really work in practice, and i know it, so if you wanna write longer, and write faster i do have a few tips that can help. (and ofc all of these pertain to my style and my experiences, and someone else would prob have different opinions)

1 one of the best ways to bolster your word count, and one of the things i see most constantly overlooked in a lot of fics is a character’s thoughts. actions and dialogue are good for keeping the plot moving, they’re helpful, everybody loves them, but what really fascinates me is the why those actions and dialogues are happening. maybe it’s the theatre kid in me, but one of the things i always start with once i have a plot is character motivations, and how they feel, and react to everything happening internally as well as externally, and by working through those processes on paper it can both make your fics longer, and make your characters feel more three dimensional

2 on that same note, having an actual outline can really help too. a lot of the time, i just kinda wing it, i won’t lie, but even in my head there’s some sort of outline of what’s going on, and the times when ive transferred that to paper have been, in my opinion, some of my best works (and my longest, too). if you know what’s happening in a story before it happens, you can more purposefully control things like pacing, as well as include foreshadowing if you’d like, and it provides more room to think about why things are happening, rather than the fact that they just kind of are, and this depth of understanding allows you to better flesh out your works

3 this one is gonna seem really obvious in theory, but in practice it might not be, at least for me. one of the best things you can do is just read. read, and read some more, and, you guessed it, fucking read some more. read works of characters you like, to get ideas on how you want to portray them, read works on characters you don’t like, so you know what you don’t want to do, read works that have nothing at fucking all to do with what your writing because i guarantee you that you’ll find some kind of inspiration in them. also, read actual fucking books. don’t just read fanfiction, read real life, published books, by authors who do this for a living. that doesn’t mean you have to just read grimy classics that’ll make you fall asleep, there’s a lot of new books being published all the time and some of them are very good, but read something original, with substance, and that you’ll enjoy. my friends and i have a book club where we pick out a book each month, read it, and then we meet up and discuss it, this month we’re reading jurassic park, which obviously isn’t shakespeare, so just read something that isn’t fanfiction sometimes (and if you can, talk about it with someone)

4 this’ll be my last one i promise, but something i feel like mentioning is that it’s important to remember that everyone is different, be it in circumstance, motivation, free time, abilities, etc. not everyone can write like someone else, but guess what? that’s fine! chances are, that author that’s cranking out fics on ao3 either has a lot of free time, and that’s what they like to do with it, or that’s what they do to destress, and so they do it a lot. to this end, and this goes for all artistic pursuits, be it music, writing, visual arts, performance arts, etc, you don’t need to compare yourself to others. you want to, and it’s impossible not to, but at the end of the day you’re you, and they’re them, and you’re different people with different perspectives, abilities, and lives. it can be good to find motivation in other people’s works, i do that a lot, but letting it turn into a sort of negativity hinders more than it helps, i promise (also, they prob have more experience than you, whether you can see that experience or not, so just write more, it’ll come to you i promise)

#ego talks #writing tips

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kurdiyya · 4 months ago

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okayyyy ima go thru my plans for this academic year and HOPEFULLY stick to then. Lets go…!!!

Meal prep - i spend so much time cooking (one of my hobbies lol) and it’s not sustainable. Every Sunday I’ll dedicated 2-3 hours to cooking for the whole school week, or at least most of it. This’ll also help me stay in a calorie deficit!

Doing my Anki flashcards everyday - I really need this one. I’m in year 13 and i need to ensure they don’t build up to an unmanageable amount (totally not speaking from experience).

Use frees PROPERLY. I’m going to try to actually study during my frees, and finish homework ASAP so I can revise the stuff I actually struggle with. Also for extra stuff, but It has to be productive.

I want to finish 2 books a month this year. It doesn’t sound like a lot but for me…it’s more than now so I want to be more consistent. On the topic of reading, I’ll try to read Quran after Fajr as much as I can

Invest money into cosmetics and comfort rather than food and clothes - I’ll mostly be in school this year. So uniform mainly. And when I lose this weight, all the clothes i buy now will be useless. The former will help me stay clean and motivated for the summer.

Exercise - Either just dance or walking. Will help with my deficit and also mental health hopefully

Journal - BIG one for me. It helped me so much this summer. Journalling by hand, on here or twitter counts but getting my thoughts out is what matters. Also writing stuff i need to do on a checklist is a form of journalling i liveee for so I’ll carry that on.

Accessories - I’ll try to wear kohl, lip gloss and concealer everyday and make a jewellery combo for school to look more put together. Also stickers for my devices (on the way) and my muji stationary woohoooooo

Sleeping well - Probably 9-10 ish. Funny because it’s almost 1am but do as I say not as I do future me… it’ll help me get up earlier so I can get ready and awake for school!

Get involved at school (within my means) - my last year at school should be memorable and the best memories are at school events from my experience. I’ve organised so many events in my time at my current school, I hope I can do that again this year! Maybe even my best ones yet :D

Don’t put things off - Email STRAIGHT away, get tuition done, get everything done when you have the time because you don’t know what more will pile up by the time you’re free again!

Do Sunday resets! - did them last year, definitely again this year. Friday is for rotting, Saturday is for grinding and Sunday is for resetting for the week to come.

Stick to my rituals STRICTLY - my hair, skin, body, oral, mental care all have routines and I will do them all without fail to keep me maintained and in a good place to perform my best

Stop picking at my nails and skin - it hurts SO BAD i don’t know why I do it but it annoys me so much and looks nasty…

If I think of more I’ll add lolololl

#school #academic #locked in #ready for the world #yeah!

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asking-jude · 1 year ago

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Hey, I’m gonna be honest I don’t know what I’m looking for right now as I write this maybe someone to listen to me, probably just attention knowing me but if you have any advice that’d be nice. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Lately I’ve been feeling like I let down everyone around me and it’s worse than usual I right now. I feel like any time I build an identity for myself it’s all based on a lie and all I am is just some idiot who draws a lot. I feel like I built this identity and image recently of a confident, smart, capable person but as soon as I saw I wasn’t as smart as I thought I just felt like I let everyone down. This is a pattern pretty much. I don’t even feel like a whole person just a bunch of pieces with nothing to connect them. No real core or true identity just nothing. Now I’m afraid because I let these people down they’ll stop hanging out with me so I still try to stay on their good side and give them something to like about me but it feels like I cant. At least not a genuine part of me. It seems I do stuff like this to people often because I don’t want to be hated. I don’t even know why I’m like this, my life hasn’t been great but it’s not awful. I feel like I’m barely holding on anymore and at this point I feel like all that motivates me is positive attention from peers and loved ones. I don’t even know why I need so much attention. I just want a normal life but I doubt that’ll ever happen. I don’t want to be a bad person but it feels like I am and I’m afraid to talk to people in case that’s true. Why do other people find it so easy to be kind? What’s the secret? I want to be a kind person but it feels like I’m not and never have been. In fact I don’t even feel like a person just an unfocused mass of pieces or a shell of a person. I want to be a person but I don’t know if I can. I don’t even know if this’ll be seen or answered but I hope it is I just want someone to acknowledge me.

Do you want free, fast mental health help? Visit askingjude.org.

Hi love,

Thank you for reaching out to Asking Jude. Your feelings are completely valid; building an identity for yourself can be challenging and confusing, and it is never a linear process. The people around you may also have certain expectations for you and your life, which is likely exacerbating your confusion over your identity. It was incredibly brave and commendable that you had the courage to reach out and express these thoughts and emotions. Struggling with identity and the fear of disappointing those around you are challenging issues, and you took the first steps towards healing by asking for help.

You may find it beneficial to reach out to your close friends and family for support. If you share what you’re feeling with them, and if you are honest with the challenges you’ve been facing, they should offer support and a listening ear to your struggles. If the idea of speaking to someone you know feels too daunting, you can always reach out to a mental healthcare professional who can provide a more confidential and non-judgemental space for you to navigate through your emotions. Here is a link where you can find therapists in your area: https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html.

You may also benefit from journaling. It is similar to speaking to a therapist because you are able to freely speak your mind without fear of criticism. There are many different ways to journal, but the stream-of-consciousness method is particularly effective because you do not have to worry about proper grammar or punctuation. Here is an article that discusses journaling and its benefits in greater detail: https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentID=4552&ContentTypeID=1.

It is also important for you to explore your passions and hobbies. You can try new things, like crocheting or making bracelets. Try to be patient; there will likely be a learning curve with any new activity, but you will find what works best for you eventually. Taking time to explore your interests without thinking about other peoples’ expectations will likely be beneficial to you. Here is an article that contains a list of new hobbies you may enjoy: https://bucketlistjourney.net/hobbies-list/. These new activities will help strengthen your sense of identity because you will get to know yourself better.

I have also linked some additional articles that contain tips on how to cope with identity confusion: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-an-identity-crisis-2795948; https://www.betterup.com/blog/identity-crisis.

Try to be patient and kind to yourself. Always treat yourself the way you would treat your closest friend, and remember that it is normal to have occasional bad days.

Thank you again for reaching out to Asking Jude. I hope that some of this information was helpful, and please feel free to reach out again if you have any further questions.

Love,

Irene

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