#like man was talking so much to do with like philosophy and psychology and i had no idea what was even coming out of his mouth

[quil12]

Honestly, this game feels like drugs sometimes

[notmorbid]

playground.

dialogue prompts from playground: a novel by richard powers.

how can people live in this?

i'm trying to remember why i'm alive.

i am alive for the sole purpose of enjoying you.

you are a sordid piece of shit.

i love you. you'll believe anything.

i cannot wait to be free of you.

i've never told anyone but you.

it's okay. you're awake.

the gods are bothering me, for some reason.

i could learn something from you.

whose kid are you?

everyone needs to eat, but few people are aware of who sets the table.

you can't forget what you never knew.

people and their emotions puzzle me.

ready or not, here comes everything.

it's a fine morning, all things considered.

you're going to save us.

was there something you wanted to talk about?

they make electric cars now, you know.

i failed you.

i made a promise that i can't keep.

your perfection embarrasses me.

it's only emergency adultery.

what i really want is to talk.

power is an isolating thing.

power is a thing more given than taken.

i'm done with denial. i'm working my way through resentment.

i've rolled enough dice in my life to know how chance works.

i've always been a coward about the unknown.

all you need to do is breathe.

the water belongs to nobody. it's no man's land.

you're the only one of us who has a chance of making it in this world.

the smart ones want to be anywhere but here.

everyone talks a lot of trash about you, you know.

nobody really knows you. only i know the real you.

what is the most important quality a person can possess?

don't worry. i love you no matter what.

a person who never felt sad would be a monster.

i've had enough paternal stupidity for one lifetime.

i knew of you before i knew your name.

you deserve the best that ______ has to offer.

any excuse to go home as late as possible.

this is america. it's hardly a fair fight.

see you next week, asshole.

_____ is the closest thing to my religion.

you can ask. doesn't mean i have to answer.

who taught you to be so sneaky?

i can't even bluff at cards.

disguise yourself and do what you need to.

do you have a life philosophy? words you live by?

you couldn't have called ahead?

you seem like you can handle other people's opinions.

i won't be gone for long.

this isn't going to work, is it?

i'm not going to be able to leave you, am i?

life is never good at obeying human logic.

i wouldn't mind laying down a while. maybe just a month or two.

we make things that we hope will be bigger than us, then we're desolate when that's what they become.

you're truly crazy, but crazy memorable.

i could complain, but i won't.

i tend to think that the world is my fault. maybe that's ego or something.

you don't even know how free you are. it's just like breathing to you.

hold on. small steps.

i always thought a person had to choose between safety and freedom.

you could teach me a thing or two.

new game. i'm making the rules.

every human heart imagines god a different way.

stop being such a self-protecting little coward.

if it makes you feel good to think so, then think so.

i'm so simple. you only need to know a few things about me.

i don't believe in your world, and you'll never understand mine.

being safety will always get you killed.

they got what they wanted, but now they want the old me back.

this place isn't fit for human habitation.

find the moves the rules forgot to outlaw.

you know what the flight attendants say: put your own mask on before assisting others.

i was there. i know that song.

no vote is a vote, too.

what we two had was very beautiful for a while.

do not blame your fear of life on me.

i'll be fine. back in ten minutes.

don't let them make you as crazy as they are.

there has to be a way to spin this mountain of shit into gold.

i never did like poker. too much psychology.

when have i ever not helped you?

hope and truth cannot be reconciled.

don't i get a hug before the interrogation? a 'nice to see you'?

have you been sleeping alright? your eyes look baggy.

i've gotten what i needed from this life.

why are you still so tall?

you only ever loved me for my car.

call me. same old number.

what are you? who are you? why are you here?

what did you do to ____?

careful. remember your training.

consciousness is not all it's cracked up to be.

[icarusredwings]

A love with no need for words.

Chapter 1.

A sfw young Cherik fic.

Look at this little shit head. Mans is so drunk his entire face is red... adorable.

He was always the life of the party. Smiles all around and posh talk of outfits and work. It's always all the same, stuff that Erik never could connect with. Sure, he could pretend. But it got tiring after the first 2 hours. I suppose this is what happens when your friend is a public identity.

No one knew him the way he knew him. Not many knew how he actually preferred his tea. How he enjoyed full cotton instead of polyesters. How it felt in his arms in the freezing cold waters that they call the world. He felt alone before then. Before that moment. And now?

Here he was, standing in the corner of some high class pub that made him nervous, the type that you had to pay to get in or know someone just to attend. Charles had brought him here as a treat. A small celebration for the exciting advances they've made together today.

But now, he wasn't with him. He was too busy wooing some girl in a dress so short that He was certain it belonged to her younger, shorter, sister. The way Charles spoke to her seemed so natural. He always spoke so smoothly with liquor coating his throat, the sharp taste on his tongue.

Sighing, he swirls the glass in his hand, listening, overhearing so many conversations though none were as interesting as his. He was the perfect man to send in If you wanted a conversation stricken up. Needed someone spoken to in order to gain their favor or persuade someone into doing what they might at first disagree with.

The way he wowed her with his psychological tricks, guessing things about her family and complimenting the unique coloring of her hair, mentioning that her skin was like fine china or porcelain. It reminded Erik that he often wasn't Charles’ preferred party partner. He wasn't as pretty as them, nor as skimpy.

For someone so charming and who scolded Erik for having his elbows on the table, He sure was just about as much of a rat as any other street boy. The only difference was he never seemed to take them home. As if he came here simply to play with them, experiment his lines with meaningless guests just to leave them hungry for more. Part of him questioned If this was part of the plan.

His eyes come up from his feet, catching a scene of the woman leaned over his shoulder, giggling, smiling and twirling a lock of her hair as he whispers something to her. She laughs.

Erik rolls his eyes, throwing the rest of his drink back, swallowing the bittersweetness of the vodka soda.

She whispers something back to him, biting her lip and batted her eyes in the way many men would adore. The look in her eyes said that she would be more than happy to come with him, back to that big lonely mansion and maybe give him the time of his life.

Glancing at his watch, Erik leaned against the wall, annoyed and awaiting. Perhaps he might actually fancy her this time. Perhaps he might ask him to leave and ride home with her instead.

He heard how she talked to him. She was quite the intellectual, curious and well read enough to continue a conversation on scientific studies, Philosophy and even Nikola Tesla. The girl would be a fine match for him. Pretty, smart, seemed to be decently humble. Perhaps it could work.

Their eyes met when Charles glanced back at him, checking in periodically as they both did, worried that the other would get themselves into trouble if left alone for too long. Though.. he didn't look back. Continuing to look at him when he said this.

“I'm sorry but.. I'm with someone.”

The woman tilts her head, almost shocked at such words. Of course it was always the charming young ones that were often taken but.. not like this.

Walking away from her, he leaves the empty glass on the bar, flicking a hand as he passes him. “Come on. It's late.”

Putting down his own empty glass, Erik began to follow, only stopping momentarily. “Aren't you going to..” he gestures towards the girl and Charles smiles. “No.. Not tonight. Besides, I have big plans tomorrow. The party stays at the party, Dear friend.” he says, with such confidence in his chest, only to smirk at him.

“Why? Do you want a go at her?”

“Oh, No- I just thought for once you would be tired of spending your evenings all alone in such a big house.” He teases him. Charles chuckles, rolling his eyes at him playfully.

Erik never understood this. And he never would. The appeal of trying so hard to flirt, to make the girl falI for you only to leave them at the bar right where he found them.

He closes the door for him, walking around the front to climb into the driver's seat. He wasn't sure why but Charles always insisted for him to drive them home. The poor man never knew his limit, drinking far too many throughout the night. He'd have to dilute his bloodstream with tea once arriving at the mansion or else he'd trip up the steps to his room.

“What? Was she not gentlemanly enough for you?” He teases more as they begin to drive home.

The longer haired man scoffs, grinning widely. “Oh as if you are, ol chap?”

“I would like to think I'm more of a gentleman than a lady, yes.”

Charles looks out the window, Smirking. “I Suggest you keep dreaming. With eyes like that? You might as well be a lady.”

For a second, Erik would pause, turn to stare at him, not turning away when Charles looked back at him. “What?”

“Am I at least a pretty lady?” He asks, Changing his expression from concerned to jokingly smug.

“The prettiest. Obviously. Who do you take me for? Someone with no taste?”

“Oh noo of course not, Mr. Xavier.”

With his eyes back on the road, It was Charles turn to snap towards him, his brow scrunched. “No..”

“Pardon?”

“Don't call me that… that was my fathers name, Not mine.” The tone alone suggested that he had upset him, ruffled his feathers a bit too much from such a simple name.

“I see… Well.. what would you like to be called?”

“Hm well Let's see… I think Professor X has a good ring to it, don't you?” He asked, having spread his hands across the air as if pitching his name in lights.

Erik scoffed. “You can't possibly wish for me to call you that in public.”

The shorter man sighs, heavy enough to be deemed dramatic. “No I suppose not. How about just your friend then?”

Flickering his eyes from the road in front of them and to who sat next thim, smiling so softly, genuinely wishing for this to be true.

“Alright, deal. But now what will you call me?”

“Oh that's easy.” He smirks. “Pretty boy.”

This was fun and games until Erik almost drove them into a ditch, hitting a mailbox clean off its post from how wide eyed he looked at him for a solid 30 seconds. “Erik!!”

Grabbing at the wheel, Charles gave him a soft scolding. “Watch what you're doing! And slow down! You're going to get us killed and your life is not something I can so easily replace!!”

“B-but i-” He starts.

“Oh please! I'll buy them another one later, But for now try to get us there alive?? Perhaps, yes?”

Swallowing, He shakes his head, taking a breath. “I- uhm.. Yes. I-.. I'm sorry…”

Taking a breath himself, Charles sighs. “No no.. It's mine. I didn't realize you've had so much to drink. I apologize for my outburst..” He mumbles, Looking out the window with a sense that it was he who was in the wrong. It made his chest hurt.

“Uh.. no, no you're right I uh.. I shouldn't have drank so much..”

Ah yes, as if it was the mixed drinks fault you just ruined a poor old ladies postage…

[slaviclore]

So now that olga tokarczuk's empuzjon has been translated into English (empusium-- u are not supposed to know this word, she made it up), I'm seeing more reviews of it around, and tho I can't speak to the quality of the translation because I haven't read it, I do have a take on one recurring theme from the reviews, which is that it's boring in parts. Short response under the cut, no major spoilers, but includes a summary of a major plot point and some analysis...

The story is set in pre-ww1 Europe in what is today western poland, partitioned to the western empires at the time. There is a health resort in the mountains there intended to treat ppl w tuberculosis. The main character is a young polish man who's recently been diagnosed and he arrives at the resort for treatment.

There's no cure for tb at this time, and the ppl arriving there are basically just idk having their fevers managed, taking some hallucinogens, and doing random superstitious things that are supposed to help like bathing in the springs etc, but lo key they're all gonna die of tb.

But when the main character gets there he starts to realize that there's other spooky things happening besides ppl dying of tb, and there might be a supernatural entity in the woods like killing someone once a year every year. And the date is approaching.

So here's the thing ppl find boring: the patients, all men, are kind of waiting to die. They hang out every evening, and they talk extensively about politics, psychology, philosophy etc. The conversations are sometimes long and written out without much break, which is tedious and maybe monotonous, but for me it was anxiety inducing because like they are actively dying. They are in the waiting room of death and they're chatting about things they will never have rhe opportunity to affect. Everything they've learned thru life is being wasted on other future corpses. To me yes it was tedious but that created sadness snd anxiety.

There's another element. This is a highly feminist book. All the patients in the resort are men, and they have 100 year old ideas, so these waiting room of death conversations are full of misogyny. But the effect is just pathetic. Like bro u can count in double digits the number of nights u have on this earth, and you're arguing about whether or not women have souls? Go write a poem and mail it to your mom or something. It's interesting because usually when u get a lot of misogyny somewhere, it's infuriating, it pisses me off, but here it's just pathetic, it makes the men look that much weaker. It's a farce of their power as men, which they can't realize they no longer have. They are holding on w white knuckles to a patriarchy that is for living men, not them.

Oh and there's something in the woods hunting them. So they're just sick weak sitting ducks.

I don't know how else u can achieve this effect without having their extensive misogynistic conversations written out in full. I think it's genius.

[plusvanity]

I just saw a comment saying that after Varg’s imprisonment, they said he had an above average iq while simultaneously being a but underdeveloped. Could you perhaps give more insight into this?

Varg is a pseudo intellectual. Just because he knows how to present a piece of information in a way that appeals to his public and makes him look intelligent, it doesn't mean that he's actually that intelligent.

If we're talking about an alleged IQ test that he might have taken during his imprisonment, it is quite possible that he might have scored above average, but even so, he's not an undiscovered genius or anything like that. If it was the case, his life choices would've been so much different.

As a general observation about Varg: he knows how to express himself, he is (used to be) quite articulated and structural in his speeches. His vocabulary is clearly built on years of reading books. Many children who grew up reading everything they got they hands on developed great linguistic skills, and I believe that Varg was also the case.

Does talking smoothly mean that you're intelligent? Not really.

I think he's good at memorizing things, but this doesn't actually mean understanding the concept behind them. He's wrong on many subjects: real history, genetic, and nutrition being some of them. I won't talk about politics because that's a subjective matter strictly related to personal beliefs and philosophies. However, objective topics do have a 'right' or 'wrong' answer, and he is wrong in many instances. The fact that he's stubborn enough not to consider that he might be wrong in his so-called facts denotes an obvious lack of intelligence. Simple as that.

That's just one perspective from which you can determinate if he's indeed that smart as whoever said he is, or not, but there are so many.

Truth be told, in reality it is very hard to encapsulate and quantify someone's mental capacity, and the IQ test is not the best (or the only) indicator out there.

Varg is indeed undeveloped, but his problem is not on the IQ side, but on the EQ side.

Emotional intelligence is a type of intelligence just as valid as intellectual intelligence. They both exist independently, and they can determine (overall) what type of individual you're dealing with.

Emotional Quotient is literally the emotional understanding and capability of oneself (and others) that help with differing situations and people. Varg's capacity to deal with life problems is minuscule. He killed a man who he considered 'competition' just to make a point. If this doesn't scream outrageous immaturity, I don't know what does. The smarter you are, the less likely it is to commit crimes. That's evolution.

Emotional intelligence is supposed to develop as you do during childhood and early adulthood, but if extrinsic factors occur (trauma), the process stops at the age that you experienced the damage.

I don't even insinuate., it's quite evident that Vikernes had some sort of trauma that got him stuck in emotional evolution and facilitated in giving him a personality disorder. Psychologically speaking, narcissists are mentally regressed people. There's a lot of academic material out there that suggests exactly what I'm talking about, so I it's not me being bitter on narcs.

Some might argue that EQ is actually more important than IQ and I agree with that.

What's the value of a person who might be 'above average' in caliber but gets so low to murder someone in a fit or rage? None. Vikernes is a scam, a show of 'smoke and mirrors'. He's overly preoccupied with looking smart and there are people who truly buy this image, but he's not what he sells. The fact that his number one way of dealing with a conflict was to impulsively take the life of his 'enemy' shows just how mentally primitive and prehistoric he is.

[somethingpersonarelated]

Why the fuck does Akechi read philosophy and psychology?

Have this metapost when i’m supposed to be working on finals papers hahahahahhahahahah. Follow up to this post!

This is kind of a middle of the night rant that came from nowhere so sorry if it’s a bit jumbled or erroneous in nature. I've always been a bit bothered by people saying that Akechi just reads philosophy and psychology to appear smarter. It's definitely a PART of it, but I don't think it can be singled out to one specific reason.

Yes, part of it is to appear smarter. though, appearing smart has a purpose, and he's proven time and time again in the story he IS intelligent.

It is also a coping mechanism

yes i do mean that let me explain

I'll also be following up to this post with breakdowns of the books on that list I made so if that interests you stay tuned, but I read some Jung and immediately something popped out to me about the will to power. The will to power, as explained on page 30 of Essays on Analytical Psychology by Carl Jung, is the instinct that compels us to do self-preservation. Further on page 31, he writes:

"The discovery is made that the 'other' in us is indeed an 'Other'-a live man, who actually thinks, does, feels, and desires all the things that are despicable and odious.... A true man, however, knows that his most bitter foe, or indeed a whole host of enemies, does not equal that one worst adversary, that 'other self,' who 'bides within his breast.'"

Akechi has already faced himself by the time we meet him, but still struggles with justifying himself as seen in no more what ifs and mementos mission. Let's talk about it in mementos mission a bit more (chp 4.5):

His justifications always end in some acknowledgement that he some control of his circumstances, and as long as that is true he can carry forward with the path he has chosen to take. But the fact that two years later, even around people that are not Joker, he still has difficulties with his position, is interesting.

These philosophies provide a way of living. Or it's better to say, a way of thinking about living, a way of thinking about what it means to live (in the case of psychology). Akechi (presumably) grew up very isolated from others and struggles with conceptions of himself. It's very typical of his age group to have these concerns, but on top of that-he's got a job as a hitman. Not good for self-perception or self-preservation. He is both the normal man and the 'other,' and does not become the 'true' person until Hereward is unlocked. That's when I imagine he kills the last of his doubts and settles on a perception of himself.

Philosophy (and psychology), in a way, can provide answers to these questions in a way that is separated from yourself. Jung hits a point that goes straight through Akechi, and Aristotle implies that souls are moved, rather than souls moving themselves. Both of these points are addressed in Mementos Mission. The latter is visible through those pair of hands wrapped around his neck, he is both a puppet and yet resolves that he is not one.

When these ideas contrast, there aren't many things you can do about it except philosophize (I guess. you could talk to a therapist but akechi doesn't really have that or a good support network so). Akechi having a mix of both in his reading repetoire means he both looks towards understanding others and himself. But he has a much stronger emphasis on what it means to live for himself and for his cause.

tl;dr akechi doubts himself and partially looks to texts like these to solidify his view on everything he does. and he does it to get smarter/look smarter. he's unfortunately that philosophy/psychology guy

[flanpucci]

I want to dedicate a love post to Enrico Pucci because I just love him so much and my brain will never be the same again

I love that he's complex and flawed and driven by his grief and the depth of his love. I love how unacceptable his destiny is and he will do anything to open everyone's eyes to the absence of power they have in the story's world. It is impossible for him to exist in his world where he was created only to serve the purpose of giving the Joestars something to oppose and grow from, and the remedy he has found to this is to simply take control of the story, end everything and start again with the knowledge he has acquired, and maybe, the hope to free himself from his sins and bring back his loved ones.

I admire his will and determination to strive for greatness, self-growth and to see things to their end more than anything, staying calm and not backing away, seizing every opportunity. He also learns from everyone around him, from their battle tactics, from their relationships. He's a very smart and analytical character even though he's also stubborn and throws fits from time to time, which show his humanity, which is necessary since he's so superior without those flawed moments. I like his loneliness, the way he has a way to talk to and taunt people that's very unique to him, and directed at himself, he doesn't care if you don't understand, he doesn't care if he's celebrating his victories alone, he'll do it anyway. He's fun and quirky to look at, when he interacts with people, he's fun to anger, and it's satisfying to see him getting in dire situations (especially if he gets up from them)

He's evil and flawed and is a ruthless, one-track minded man, he's self-centered and can't accept (understand?) that people have different mindsets than himself. He knows he's right from start to finish, and that makes him such a great character with incredible confidence and charisma. He's the most terrifying character in all of JJBA, arguably the most powerful, his ability is just pure chaos and his eyes are cold as hell. He's got a strong inclination for revenge and likes to carry it in style, even if it means taking some damage in the process. I also like how ambiguous he is with some other characters, taking advantage of the fact they are drawn to him, using his appeal as a means to obtain what he wants. His dynamic with Dio brings a lot of depth to Dio's character, giving him the almost 'humanity' he severely lacks in other parts (especially SDC), it's very enjoyable to watch the way they interact together, which is so different from how we see them act with other people. The whole idea of the bone, fusing, and MIH is aesthetically really interesting and I liked trying to notice moments where the Dio influence might have taken over Pucci's decisions.

The themes surrounding him are very referenced and fascinating, religion, art, biology, physics and space, technology, philosophy, the stand lore... The details and references that come give depth to his character are limitless, did you know there's an actual italian scientist on gravity whose name was Enrico Pucci? That the adulterous priest he reads about in church is a famous painter who regretted taking his oath at 15 and had ties to the real Pucci family in Italy? He's also a very well constructed character in terms of psychology, he's never OOC, he feels very 3D in a 2D world.

Also he's awesome black representation in terms of character design with references to fashion, the flag of the city of Florence... His character design is holy with just a touch of sinful, and I'm not even talking about how cool Whitesnake is in general. I really like how Pucci/Whitesnake oppose both Weather/Weather Report but also Jonathan in terms of design. He's the most beautiful character I've ever seen overall, wears a beautiful tight and shiny gown, beautiful both in color and in black and white, first has a fun, pretty but manly design, which turns into a cute star-shaped motif shamelessly stolen from the Joestars, he has tired downturned eyes filled with depression, and the cutest nose in all of JJBA, he's tall and handsome with the big chest and shoulders especially in anime but also cute and feminine and has thin wrists and those cute sleeves... He's giving mom and dad at the same time and I love how curious he is with the green baby and how proud and happy he is with C-Moon and MIH and YES HES MY FAVE ANYWAYS

I didn't even get into how interesting he represents the relationship between faith, philosophy and science, or his relationship to the concept of blood ties, I could go on for hours but I'm late for class

[kitsmits]

Nobody asked, but here are my rambling thoughts about Bleach’s Aizen Sousuke

Aizen Sousuke. The man, the myth, the legend. The villain who ~allegedly~ planned out so much of Bleach’s storyline that the fact that that is a meme is, in itself, a meme. And also probably part of Aizen’s plan.

I’m fascinated by this character, to say the least. I mean, why else would I be writing an Aizen/OC fanfiction on both AO3 and FF.net? (Shameless plug. Sorry not sorry.) Despite my many thoughts - so numerous are they that anytime I reply to a comment on “Mono no Aware,” I wind up with a graduate dissertation - I’m not entirely sure where to start with this guy. He’s complex in some ways, yet simple in others, fitting neatly into some psychological molds until you come across that one trait or act that makes you question your whole thesis. Fitting, really.

I don’t think there is one definitive, absolute answer for who Aizen Sousuke is. Even Kubo’s own idea of him isn’t necessarily the only one - once an artist puts their creation out into the world, that creation is open to interpretation by others. Again, rather fitting that we’re talking about a character whose entire power is based on the ideas of suggestion and perception.

It’s fun to explore various facets and ways to interpret a character though, so today I’d like to look at a few: psychology (Aizen the Sociopath), mythology (Aizen the Trickster), reality(I guess…) (Aizen the Opportunist), and philosophy (Aizen the Ubermensch).

So let’s start with psychology.

Aizen the Sociopath

Antisocial personality disorder, commonly/colloquially referred as “sociopathy,” is defined as “a mental health condition in which a person consistently shows no regard for right and wrong and ignores the rights and feelings of others.” (Mayo Clinic) For the sake of simplicity, I will be using the terms “sociopathy” and “sociopath” here. It’s one of four cluster-B personality disorders within the DSM-V (Diagnositc and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders, 5th Edition - the most recent one as of 2023), along with narcissistic, borderline, and histrionic personality disorders. In other words, it is clinically recognized as a mental health condition by the psychology field, and it’s one of a family of personality disorders characterized as having “a consistently dysfunctional pattern of dramatic, overly emotional thinking or unpredictable behavior.” (Considering who we’re talking about…this is kind of surprising, honestly.

To paraphrase the Mayo Clinic’s list of symptoms, sociopaths…

ignore (or have little/no concept of) right and wrong

often lie, steal, use false names, and/or engage in cons

use charm or wit to manipulate others for personal gain

have an inflated sense of superiority and are extremely opinionated

often violate others’ rights and feel little/no remorse for how their behavior negatively affects others

Keep in mind that for a person to be considered a “sociopath,” one must consistently and repeatedly show these traits. Not every mean person is a sociopath, and not all sociopaths are mean (…all the time). Probably the most consistent descriptors I’ve come across for sociopaths are “manipulative” and “callous” - again, they’ll say/do anything to get what they want, and they have no remorse over whether it harms other people.

So…is Aizen a sociopath? And why should we care?

Setting aside the fact that Aizen is a fictional character, and fictional characters are often meant to be simpler than complex, ever-evolving human beings…I’m of the camp that yes, he is. It certainly explains a LOT of his behavior and actions; even the fact that he seems to have no “true” personality fits this mold. Partly because of how Kubo writes him, we can never be certain that anything Aizen says or does is “genuine,” or if he’s just trolling.

Why we should care if he’s a sociopath or not: Eh. Aside from the fun of armchair-diagnosing fictional characters, this gives us a framework within which to work. It gives us consistent traits that help us understand Aizen as a character. It’s sort of like a character sheet or profile: an easily referenced list of traits and tendencies.

However, even if we could truly diagnose Aizen with something, I don’t think that diagnosis would completely define his character. Far from it. Because this is fiction, every major character usually serves a particular purpose for the narrative that influences how they act and how they affect the characters around them. So let’s look at what I believe Aizen’s role is in the Bleach ‘verse.

Aizen the Trickster

A “trickster,” in terms of mythology and folklore, is “a character in a story…who exhibits a great degree of intellect or secret knowledge and uses it to play tricks or otherwise disobey normal rules and defy conventional behavior.” (Thank you, Wikipedia.) Classic examples of tricksters are Loki from Norse mythology; Anansi the spider from West African folklore; and Coyote from many Native American cultures, particularly groups in California and the Great Basin. Even Greek mythology’s Hermes and, at times, Norse mythology’s Odin act as tricksters, using their intellect to deceive others or defy conventions. Tricksters can be villainess or heroic, depending on the tale and their role in it. Consider Odysseus in the Illiad and Odyssey: in both tales (but especially in the latter), he is cast as a hero, but most of his actions are devious and even reprehensible.

I see Aizen as being a trickster in the Bleach ‘verse in many ways:

He’s highly intelligent and possesses “secret knowledge” (ie: truth of the Soul King…but more on that in a bit)

He seeks to defy convention and push all types of boundaries, from combining/transcending Shinigami and Hollow powers (physical boundaries) to being a Shinigami who commands Hollows (societal boundaries)

He openly questions, disrupts, and mocks authority (Even when he was playing the Nice Captain, he was one of the only people to openly question Rukia’s execution…granted, it was All Part of the Plan(TM), but I still find it interesting that he allowed that to be a part of his character at that time)

He enjoys trolling people and making them question their own beliefs and perceptions. Not even just because it’ll benefit him; I think he honestly enjoys throwing people mentally off-balance.

I mean…he openly says it during the TYBW:

Sure, you might say that Aizen’s goal was to kill the Soul King (…I have thoughts about that too), but THIS is the reason for that goal. If it wasn’t the Soul King, it would be whatever other being tried to reign over him. Yhwach, Ichibe, whoever else…Aizen would not tolerate anyone having authority over him. This fits with the Trickster archetype because, at their cores, this is what tricksters do: they challenge authority.

It’s also worth noting that in most Trickster stories, especially ones where the trickster plays the antagonist, the trickster doesn’t exactly “win.” Often, they’re foiled or humiliated in some way, sometimes due to their own hubris; I mean, Loki wound up being tied up with a snake dripping poison into his eyes because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut about having orchestrated the death of one of Odin’s sons. This is also something we see in Aizen’s role in Bleach: At the pinnacle of his power, he is defeated - not only by the hero of the story, but also by another possible “trickster” type (Urahara) and by his own arrogance and, possibly, not knowing his own deepest desires.

Btw - for an interesting take on Aizen “not knowing himself,” check out this video by Nux Taku: Anime’s Most Relatable Overpowered Sociopath - Aizen from Bleach

“Defeated” doesn’t necessarily mean he didn’t win, though. In my opinion, Aizen is, above all, a master opportunist who will turn ANY situation in his favor.

“All according to keikaku:” Aizen the Opportunist

Aizen definitely fits a classic “mastermind” mold, no arguments here. But I think people take the meme-worthy “it was all part of my plan” thing a little too far with him. Aside from the tendency of sociopaths and tricksters alike toward self-aggrandizing, and the fact that it benefits Aizen to be perceived as omniscient, let’s be real: He didn’t plan everything out himself from the start. To be honest, the idea that a “mastermind” necessarily sees all possibilities 100 steps ahead is…a bit much. Rather, masterminds like Aizen who play the long game are excellent opportunists.

Just look at how Aizen acts during “Everything But the Rain”: As far as Tousen was concerned, the Hollow “White” was a failure because instead of going after the powerful Shinigami captain, it attacked a Quincy - the one creature in the area that couldn’t be Hollowfied. But to Aizen, this wasn’t a failure: it was an unforeseen turn of events that presented an unprecedented opportunity to study the congruence of two diametrically opposed beings. After all, his whole schtick is about transcending the boundaries between species; of course he’d be curious to see if there was a way for a Quincy and a Hollow to mix without destroying each other. Plus, I’m willing to bet that Aizen at least suspected that this phenomenon might draw Urahara out of hiding, which would give Aizen his location (and thus the location of the other Hogyoku). The fact that Masaki survives with White’s Hollow energy inside of her, AND that she, a Quincy, and Isshin, a Shinigami, fall in love and have a kid…that’s all a bonus that he later works into his plans.

TL;DR: Aizen had plans for White, but when those plans fell through, he turned the situation into a new part of his plan. It all worked toward his ultimate goals in the end. THAT is what makes him such a formidable mastermind: he’ll take any opportunity that comes his way.

Aizen the Übermensch

Okay, I’ll admit I’m gonna be a little lazy here and point y’all to a wonderful analysis video by DBZimran that goes into this topic. The gist is that Aizen embodies the Nietzsche idea of the “Ubermensch,” or “super man” (from before the N*zis appropriated the concept), and that Urahara is the opposing “last man.” It’s really interesting stuff, and DBZimran explains it way better than I feel equipped to right now.

Sosuke Aizen: THE FALSE GOD | BLEACH: Character Analysis

While you’re there, check out his other videos about Bleach. I took a lot of inspiration from his analysis of the Hogyoku when writing Mono no Aware, to be honest.

Other interesting takes on Aizen

I can’t get enough of this man, and if you’ve made it this far in this ridiculous long post, I’m guessing you can’t, either. I’m definitely open to writing more about him, answering prompts, giving headcanons…just ask! Here are some other people I like to reference for Aizen and Bleach content in general:

Youtube:

MrTommo2304

DBZimran

This wonderful hellsite, aka Tumblr (not a definitive list - I’m sure I’ll forget peeps):

@bleachbleachbleach - I LOVE THEIR WORLDBUILDING HEADCANONS OMG

@my-my-my - large variety of headcanons and imagines, from worldbuilding/story analysis to romantic/shmexy stuff

@brittscafe - fun, shmexy headcanons with an excellent grasp on the characters

@recurring-polynya - writer who also has lots of interesting and fun headcanons about the Bleach world; also their page is just really pretty

@brainbleached - silly totally-real-not-at-all-made-up incorrect quotes and such

[gunilslaugh]

Heyo! Nice to meet you!

I've been a villain for a few months now and I just confess, I like Gunil so so much! He instantly became one of my favorite kpop boys since I began stanning. (He's just my type, what a unique and incredible man!) Originally I wanted to request around for more Gunil fics... But honestly I have no idea what to request specifically 😭 I just want to read more about him cuz my crush is big and fat 😂 but I racked my brains and couldn't come up with anything...

So instead, I've had this idea for an OT6 fluff, if it's alright with you! How would XH react to having a very smart and academical s/o? Like, someone who likes to read a lot (not only fiction, but also nonfiction, like science, psychology, philosophy, spiritual books or stuff about social studies) and who genuinely likes studying and learning! They like doing research on many many subjects of their interest (wether those are something as common as space or not so common like learning the biology of marine animals) and they're always spewing out random interesting facts about things 😂 Bonus points if reader also likes solving mysteries and playing puzzle games some people might find boring ( like crosswords or sudoku).

Yes, this is pretty self indulgent 😂 but I'm also just very curious 👀

You are totally entitled to refuse this request if you don't feel like writing it! No pressure 😁 🖤

Nice to meet you too! Welcome to the fandom. I hope that you enjoy your request.

All member ;^o-o^;

Summary: Xdinary Heroes' reaction to having an academic significant other.

WC:684

Warning:grammar

photo not mine credits to owner.

Gunil

Gunil really admires how academically driven you are. Thinks it’s cool how knowledgeable you are. If you're knowledgeable across many varying topics then he would call you a human encyclopedia. He gets really happy whenever you talk or rant about a subject that really interests you. When you tell him a random fact he actually tries to note down the information and remember it. Loves to watch mystery or detective shows with you while trying to figure out who the culprit is together. On the chance that he figures it out before you or he was right and you were wrong he feels very entitled to his bragging rights. 

Jungsu

On cold days he always makes sure that you’re wearing a beanie or that your hood on your jacket is up because you gotta protect that smart brain of yours. Jungsu would love to do crossword puzzles or other games like it with you. The members would tease you about being an old couple, but Jungsu would just shoo them away. Jungsu would try to learn some about your favorite topic so that he could talk about it with you. He’d write down the random facts that you tell him in his notes and at the end of the year he’d compile them all together. Almost like a scrapbook of memories, but with all the random facts you’ve told him.

Gaon/Jiseok

You were ranting to Jiseok about a topic that interested you. He jokingly told you that if you like it that much then you should create a slideshow presentation about it. It definitely caught him off guard when three days later you showed him the slideshow. He doesn’t tell you, but he now has it saved on his computer. Lovingly calls you a nerd. Really likes to watching sci-fi shows together with you. Sometimes there is part of him that wished he had the drive that you have about learning new things. He would tease you about playing a game like solitaire, but in reality he doesn’t even know or understand how to play.

O.de/Seungmin

Seungmin treasures how dedicated you are when it comes to learning about something. He thinks you are absolutely adorable as you’re hyper fixated on your laptop, researching a particular subject. Takes candid photos of you researching, might make one his wallpaper. Laughs whenever you randomly spew out a fact, not in a mean way of course. Your random fact spewing brightens his day. Especially if it’s something completely random like shrimps hearts are located in their head. Avidly watches mystery type shows with you and might end up being the more invested one funnily. 

Junhan/Hyeongjun

Junhan would love to have in-door dates where the two of you just read together. Sitting on opposite ends of the couch with your legs flailed across one another. Sometimes uses you as his personal internet. If he has a question about something he thinks you would know he’d rather ask you than actually look it up. Would try to race you in completing a sudoku the fastest. He really values your smarts and thinks that it’s really impressive how much wide scale information you have stored in your brain. He would send you things on topics that he found interesting and loves when you do the same back. 

Jooyeon

You’re not just any nerd, you are his nerd. When you randomly state a fact he would respond with a “that is something only a nerd would know,”. Even if he teases you about it he still likes whenever you do it. If it’s been a while since you randomly told you a fact he’ll ask you to tell him one. Honestly his day doesn’t feel complete without it. He would really enjoy having a sci fi, mystery themed movie night. You two would turn off all the lights and huddle together under blankets. Occasionally he wishes that he was as academic as you because he thinks it would be nice to research things together, but if he has no interest his brain refuses to hold new information.

[theconsciouscrow]

A Rant Consideration about Mr. Scratch and his origins (Alan Wake 2 spoilers):

I've been seeing a lot of posts on various social media about who/what Mr. Scratch is. Before AW2 i've visited the youtube channel "Gaming University", which i think it's the most complete source of information about all things Remedy related (i'll put the url to his channel in the comments), and it's been eye opening.

SO first things first, let's make something clear: Alan Wake is about psychology. Ok? Ok.

Remedy uses psychology themes through all the remedyverse. Collective Unconscious? Psychology. Archetypes? Psychology. The Hiss? Polaris? Well, not exactly psychology, but it comes from it.

Sam Lake has been using tropes and themes inspired from a especific psychoanalyst named Carl Jung (the man below). The Jungian philosophy perceives the human mind as the modeler of the world, and not just it's spectator. To Jung, inside the mind we all have a set of actors, who regulate our behavior and at the same time makes us remember (on a conscious or unconscious state) of who we really are.

One of these actors is called the "Shadow". The shadow represents our repressed desires, the corruption, the will to violence, etc. The shadow is a key factor to the process of self knowledge: the ascension in the spiral (weee) of consciousness, and is natural to all humans.

When Alan comes back to talk to Agent Estevez after the Scratch boss fight, she asks "Isn't the shadow possessing you anymore?".

The FBC files mentions the shadow multiple times. Ilmo Koskela states through the game that everyone who leaves the Dark Place "gets out unwell". The Dark Place is a place of creation indeed, but its also a realm of the mind: it feed of memories, messes with emotions, causes despersonalization, psychosis, etc.

Reuniting all that information, we can safely assume that:

Mr. Scratch is the Shadow of Alan Wake given boost and agency by the Dark Place: they ARE NOT separate entities.

It is Alan, his corrupted desire to be the best writer, to feel wanted and loved, through all means necessary. Scratch is not exactly obsessed WITH Alan, he's obsessed in giving Alan what he wants in the most fucked up part of his mind.

And let's be honest: having an eldritch variant of you throwing at your face what you really are - beyond all morality and social rules - through its actions is pretty disturbing, traumatizing even. It's natural that Alan understands Scratch as his worst enemy, he still doesn't recognizes it as a part of himself.

Saga has her shadow messed up as well, when she gets to the DP, which was also boosted by the darkness. Her shadow humiliates her as a mother, Casey's partner, and a detective, representing her worst fears. "Seems like i'm my own worst enemy.", she states.

The shadow traps her inside her mind place, since the process of giving conscious to a unconscious part of your mind is so unnatural, that they both cannot be separated. A human mind cannot survive without it's shadow.

Also, the way she'd dealt with her situation is really admiring - Saga proved to be a much more self-conscious and stable person than Alan, who stayed 13 years suffering by the hands of Scratch.

Want more proof that Scratch is a shadow? Look at his photo alongside Saga's shadow in the "Profiling" desk:

Everyone deals with their shadow on their own way

When Casey get's "possessed by Scratch", i don't think that's exactly what's happening: the Dark Presence enters Casey's mind, messing up with his Shadow, boosting his most agressive and corrupt parts of it, and since everyone is in Scratch's Story, Casey's Shadow will do what the Story mandates (world domination).

So TL;DR, Mr Scratch and Alan are the same person. The DP boosts Mr Scratch to a point where he/it becomes another personality, who takes hold of Alan's body to do it's biding. Same thing happens to everyone who gets "touched" by the darkness. Alan kinda understands this at the end of the game, when he shouts "Come on MF, COME HOME!!"

Now, like Jung said, the Shadow has the objective of reminding us who we really are deep down, and as much traumatizing that can be, is by embracing our flaws and accepting our Jungian Shadow, that we reach a state of mind the psychoanalyst calls the "Self": a perfect state of auto consciousness and knowledge, the top of the mountain in the ascension of the spiral.

Let's just hope that Alan is getting close to it.

[fancyfeathers]

@zainiscompletelydone333 asked a question

Personally, I think Andrei grows up and becomes a lover of arts and psychology. Eloise, while being smarter, has less than ideal experience in emotions , at least her own. Plus the trauma from her father forcefully taking her and Madeleine back, plus the way her bunny was stained by the blood of a dead noble was very traumatic for her. Leading to her seldom desiring to talk to People. She is still a brilliant strategist and can convince people, but socialising takes a mental toll on her. Especially when her father's face crosses her mind whenever she tries to interact with someone, as if her brain is alarmed if her father will kill them too, depsite knowing he won't do such a thing. That's where Andrei comes in. Since he is adept in Psychology, he can help her with her issues at times. As the eldest, he acts as a supportive wall for her. He handles most social works for her and if she were to suffer from panic attacks and such, he would help her get over them. It's sad, Andrei always wanted to be good in something so Eloise would also see him as just as capable, but not like this.. i also think eloise feels the elder daughter guilt : you can relate to your fathers horrible decisions and thinking at times, asking yourself if you would have doe the same, all becuae your natures match so much that you can understand why he did some things

Father Like Daughter (Yandere William James Moriarty and his darling having a genius daughter)

I imagine that the two of them attend college classes at a university in London during their early teenage and teenage years since they are both very intelligent in their own right, Andrei in psychology and philosophy, the intangible, while Eloise’s knowledge in those area were stunted in their growth and she focused more on the sciences and mathematics. Since what had happened she had been silent most of the time, using her books to escape from reality and her own mind as well and of course little Andrei noticed this more than anyone else because the two cousins were friendly rivals before their falling out which drawing out the young man’s bleeding heart who just wants to help and make people happy. So he would always do small things for her, cleaning up her books that she left unorganized in her room because she just cannot find the motivation to do so, making tea for her in the morning when she struggles to get out of bed and leaving it on her bedside table for her, grabbing her coat, hat, and gloves and asking his father and Uncle William before hand when he asks her if she wants to go out somewhere with him so she doesn’t have to push herself too far.

The two of them get dropped off by either or their fathers and luckily enough the two of them have all of their classes together so Andrei always lets her sit at the end of the row in a lecture hall and he will sit on the inside so she does not have to sit next to anyone she does not feel comfortable with. I think Andrei would be involved with theater and perhaps be involved with some groups or something so he will go off to that after making sure she is okay waiting somewhere, normally the library, but sometimes he misses to sit with her.

Then one day when they are sitting in the library after their classes, waiting to be picked up…

“Eloise, do you want to want to play chess with me? I think I saw a set somewhere around here.”

“I… I mean I would like to but we should be working on our assig-“

“I believe I asked you what you wanted, wait here, I will be right back.”

“Andrei-“

He’ll come back with an old chess board that was tucked away in some corner of the library and set it up on the table they were just working on, pushing aside their textbooks and papers. He will let her play white and he will play black, so she goes first. The game goes on and Andrei watches her closely as she plays, focused on one goal, protecting the king on the board. This is her downfall though as that was not his goal, he made her loose her queen. Then as she is about to say she resigns-

“Let’s keep playing, after all you still have you king after all.”

“But I was taught to resign after you lost your queen, it’s good sportsmanship, it’s what you are supposed to do-“

“And that’s your problem.”

“What is that supposed to mean.”

“Well you can still play, you have the majority of your pieces on the board and your mind and isn’t chess all about strategy?”

“Something tells me this isn’t about chess.”

“Of course it’s not… but let’s just keep playing.”

So they do and of course she wins, he smiles at her while he cleans up and she watches, wondering what the point of all of this was.

“You still won when you lost one of the key pieces of the game.”

“That is correct.”

“So what’s to say you cannot do the same in reality.”

“Andrei, no-“

“You were the one who first warned me about are family and now you are just giving up, you rode on a bike for four days to get from Durham to London just to work with that detective. You helped solve murders when you were seven years old, you are a mastermind, and why? Why did you do all that?”

“I really don’t want to talk about this-“

“Because death is wrong, you knew there’s were other ways to change things. You wanted to help everyone, including your mother-“

“Andrei, stop now-“

“I was a fool to ignore what you were saying then and you would be a fool to not listen to me now, and I know that it is one thing you are not. I will help you-“

“Ah, there the two of you are.”

The two hear the all too familiar voice of Eloise’s father. Looking up they see William and Albert in the open doorway of the library. Eloise is terrified and she just looks back at her cousin and he just smiles at his uncle and father.

“Yes, I was just helping Eloise with her chemistry assignment, we took a break to play chess and she was just taking to me about things she needs for class tomorrow in case I can lend a hand.”

“Well isn’t that kind of you, Andrei. Now come along you two, your Uncle William and I have meetings later this afternoon and we need to get you two home before we leave.”

“Yes, right away!”

The two cousins pack up their books, papers, and pens and as they are walking down the hallway behind their fathers, Eloise slips Andrei a piece of paper which he unfolds only in the palm of his hand…

There is a key to the basement in the cabinet in the kitchen where Uncle Louis keeps the tea sets. Get out the key and how to the basement only when you know everyone is asleep, get the boxes in the third room to the left on the two bottom shelves and hide them under my bed. I will handle getting my sister and your sister out and ready to get out.

Andrei holds back his smile as he shoves the note in his pocket…

He finally got his cousin back.

When the two get home and they see their mothers and William’s darling looks down at her daughter as she hugs her, Eloise smiled at her. Her mother almost starts crying at that sight of that, her little Eloise smiled.

She does not know what is about to happen later that night but she knows that her little girl is back again and has a plan to try again.

Eloise’s plan is to blow up the window lock with gunpowder and the matches that she normally use to hight the candle in her room. While Andrei is getting the things she needs, she is waking up her younger sister, Madeline, who had run away before, and Andrei’s sisters, the little twins, Hyacinth and Marguerite. I imagine while William and Albert were away earlier that day she asked her mother, William’s darling, and her aunt, Albert’s darling to help her pack a few of their clothing so it does not look suspicious since if she does it someone like Uncle Louis will notice and tell William. Then by the time Andrei is done, Eloise has gotten everyone ready to go and it’s time to leave.

(I am not sure if this is what would end up happening but I had the really funny thought of Miss Hudson or someone at Baker Street waking up in the middle of the night to a knocking on the door and they just open it up to see Eloise and Madeline who have grown quite a bit since they saw them last with three other children. Also just poor Hyacinth, she is a sickly child but they couldn’t just leave her there and if they do end up at Baker Street I am just imagining Watson scolding them for bringing her along because of her health.)

[courtofmatchups]

hi! i've sent this to a couple other of my favorite COD writers, but it's a psycho-analysis thing on guy that i wanted to share as im curious about other's thoughts. i should mention that i am a psych student with a special interest in male psychological trauma and "toxic masculinity" (put in quotes because idk the scientific term for it Imao)

warnings for slight spoilers, i don't believe there's much of anything too triggering, just some mention of sexism in avari, and parental/generational trauma, but nothing too detailed.

(and j*sper jumpscare at the end but it's just slander)

this also isn’t at all and excuse for abuse or anything of the sort, and that’s not what i specialize in either; it’s more like a deeper analysis of internalized sexism, now if guy did anything on the level of j*sper or got physical or anything, i would not be writing this. 

so, guy starts off very controlling (literally using mind control), but when you play his route + events (specifically the ones where he goes to avari) a much deeper story unfolds.

it is my understanding that avari has very different thoughts on women, and we even see guy tell MC that his father told him all women are cruel and only want power. i believe guy has been told all his life negative things about women, and that all he has seen was his father marry for power after his mother passed. we also see in a route that guy was much more open when his mom was alive, but closed his heart to everyone when she was killed. it is also seen that guy assumed his mother was murdered by other women. so, Guy has been told all his life these things about women, ever since he was a child, and never had the chance to see any differently as he never opened up to another woman until MC.

now this is where the beauty comes in. after a while, guy begins to truly love MC for herself and not just her power, and even tells her what he was told about women and says she changed that. guy was able to swallow his ego and be emotionally open to MC and begin to see her as an individual and not just a vessel for power. guy defends her to her father and tells him off saying that he truly loves her and no other, and it is not just because of her power, and that she will make a fine queen. we see him praise her throughout his stories and events, and through his thoughts we see he is truly a changed man who has changed his outlook on women through his love for MC.

although he is not yet open to fully sharing his thoughts quite yet, we see that he is actively working on himself for MC.

we also see a boyish side come out of him during these emotional moments, that i believe to be trauma regression and suppressed feelings that he has had to endure due to the excessively violent and aggressive nature of avari. i truly think guy's initial act towards MC is due to trauma and abuse he suffered in avari, and he only begun realizing he was lied to and was wrong about women through his relationship with MC. guy is actually my favorite character because of this, and i think it's truly a beautifully complex story that the creators made.

also, i love how his toxic masculinity was turned around and how it tells the story that growing up in such a toxic environment can truly damage a man.

thank you for reading my long ass ramble about a fictional character in a mobile game that i am utterly obsessed with. 

Thanks for confirming that this man DESPERATELY NEEDS THERAPY

Real talk, tho. I am not a psychology major (psychology is more of a special interest of mine, so take what I say with a grain of salt. Or a kilogram. idk), but I can say that all of your points are valid. Growing up in a toxic environment will mess someone up, especially as a child. Bro basically grew up indoctrinated by the Saligian version of Andrew Tate's pHILosOPhY (for lack of a better term) and seeing that view on women unfold his eyes over and over again probably gave him a lot of trust issues too.

I do kind of appreciate that, despite him being very rough around the edges, his character was still ultimately salvageable. I just kind of wish we had the chance to explore his backstory more in his own consort path tho, cuz I feel that bit was a bit rushed. Or maybe it wasn't and I'm remembering wrong? Feel free to correct me on this. It's been a hot minute since I read his consort path

I still don't really like Guy, at least not as a consort, but I do appreciate his character growth, and you really hit the nail on the head

[writing-for-life]

Tell me about your stories! What kind of stories you like to write? Any particular themes you like to explore? Any trope you're fond of (plot or character wise or both)? What inspire you as a writer?

Thanks so much for the ask!

I’ve been writing for as long as I remember; I think I must have written my first short stories when I was still at primary school and then got a bit more serious about it in high school (I held the school record for most words ever written in an essay for a very long time—brevity is not my forte, in absolutely nothing I write).

I am bilingual, and I usually write in my other language because I perceive it as slightly stronger (I grew up in a different country, my mum didn’t speak English with me, only my father did. I moved to an English-speaking country some 20 years ago though and mostly speak English today). My published books are all in my other language. However, I write fan fiction exclusively in English, for a million reasons, but mostly because it gives me a different voice I guess, and I can stay anonymous 😂? In any case, it’s quite interesting to explore how your voice changes between languages…

I love writing dialogue. It’s my greatest strength and my biggest weakness. I had editors tell me to look into screenwriting, and I always need to watch that I don’t write talking heads. I am not particularly fond of reading pages of descriptive text to set a scene (I don’t care about every tiniest detail of a wallpaper, unless it is truly essential for the plot and your name is Charlotte Perkins Gilman), so I think that has always bled into my own writing. I personally detest purple prose, it makes my eyes glaze over, and I don’t think it’s necessarily good writing to be ornate for ornamentation’s sake. It always reads self-indulgent to me and disrupts the narrative flow.

What inspires me? The human condition, psychology and philosophy, and although I mainly write (often steamy) romance, all my works deal with existential questions. I sometimes think it’s only romance because there’s a love story at its core, and I’ve definitely written stories that my publishers handed back to me because they didn’t fulfil genre expectations for romance enough (romance is probably the genre with the least breathing space, and publishing is a whole ‘nother topic).

Generally speaking, I think I just like people, despite being the worst introvert in existence (I am not shy, neither do I have social anxiety, and I find it important that people get that cognitive introversion is not the same as being anxious or shy. I can convincingly pretend I am an extrovert and have done presentations and performances in front of hundreds of people without problems. I can also start conversations and keep them going without trouble, and my whole life is built around human connection. But I can only do so much of it before I need to lie down in a dark room and feel completely drained, and I mostly live in my head if given the choice).

I like to write about human relationships, about grief and loss, also about trauma, but not in a self-serving way. I think the fact that I am a therapist (amongst other things—complicated life story) always makes me look at a way through instead of lingering on it, while at the same time acknowledging that these things stay with us forever. There is no life without them, but there is living with them.

I like to write female characters, and near all my works have female protagonists. I write both f/m and f/f relationships. I detest the caricature of strong women characters that seems quite popular though—they do everything the way a man does, have the physical strength of a man and generally behave like a bitch. I believe strong characters are not afraid of their vulnerability, and I find that a million times more interesting to explore and write.

Apart from that, I can work with most tropes and wouldn’t have particular problems with any if they slot nicely into the plot, but there are definitely some I haven’t written because there was just no opportunity yet, or I don’t find them particularly interesting. I mean, most of us are walking tropes in one way or another, but we’re also more than that. Am I particularly fond of particular ones? I don’t know. I quite like the idea of soul mates, and although it’s not always realistic, it’s interesting to write because it makes us think about what is important in ourselves and our connection to others. So I rather see it as an exploration of human connection than something that is the be all, end all. Funnily enough, I often write friendships that go into that direction, so it doesn’t always need to apply to sexual/romantic relationships. Even my fanfic has a female friendship in it that somewhat falls into that category, and it was important to me not to sideline it, despite it not being the main plot.

[berkeley-mews]

for the book ask game: #3

thank you so much for the ask <3

3. what were your top 5 books of the year?

i won't attempt to put these into a specific order of preference, but the first book that came to mind was certainly william godwin's 1794 novel, caleb williams!! it was essentially a fictionalisation of godwin's earlier works on political philosophy, very saliently exposing institutional oppression, injustice, and abuses of power in britain at the time. what really drew me to this book, however, was godwin's gothic, suspenseful mode of writing, and its memorable characterisation. the central characters' dynamic and mutual obsession with each other really clinched it for me (and produced quite a number of queer readings, which i later followed up on!!). it's also just pure, unbridled fun most of the way. shenanigans were plentiful: from eighteen-year-old caleb's attempts at probing his employer's psychology through small talk about alexander the great, to his rants calling for prison abolition, his (several) prison-escape attempts, his joining a group of anarchist thieves, and donning very silly disguises. definitely a highlight this year!!

i also read jane eyre for the first time this year (which is very strange to think about, because i feel as if i've known her forever). i went into it knowing the plot twist at about halfway through, but without other expectations, and i was very pleasantly surprised. from the first few pages i was fully drawn in & immensely invested in jane's fortunes, and later, her relationship with rochester. i also find jane eyre to be narratologically fascinating, i think charlotte brontë does some very interesting things with narrative voice & also constructs her characters' psychologies really well -- i could talk about foils and parallels for hours and hours, so i better stop here!! i've also managed to read wide sargasso sea, jean rhys' post-colonial response or "writing back" to this novel, which provided even more perspectives & ideas!! <3

this year i've gotten into philip k. dick's works for the first time, having read both the man in the high castle and do androids dream of electric sheep? while i was much more invested in android's character, high castle was probably the more worthwhile & rewarding reading experience. it was anything but easy trying to get into it, and i found it wasn't really doing anything for me in the first hundred pages or so. slowly, a little inexplicably, perhaps, i came around to it, and allowed it to take me on a journey through alternate history, different realities, and planes of existence. the world-building is less interesting to me than the uncertainites, the interruptions of meaning, and the unspoken in particular this novel. it also had some very interesting things to say about the production of art & its role in history-making & culture more generally, but i'm still getting my thoughts about that in order -- essay forthcoming. /j

i've also read rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead this summer!! it feels as if were very late to the party, but i'm glad i managed to get here in the end. this one really speaks for itself -- Two Of Them, the absurd, existentialism, meta-theatre, whacky temporality (!!) & the whole shebang. i actually didn't quite expect it to be as funny as it was, now that i think about it, but i did thoroughly enjoy its humour at least as much as its weightier implications.

aaaaand finally i will go with george eliot's the lifted veil -- a gothic novella (and subtle frankenstein pastiche, i like to think) narrated by the world's most pathetic, sad, sopping-wet sliver of a man, known only as "latimer", who finds himself developing clairvoyant & psychic powers. it is extremely well-structured, without a single awkward, unnecessary, or out-of-place sentence (or maybe i'm saying that becuase i'm just really, reaaally partial to eliot's writing style!!). the narrative structure is chilling, and is constructed in such a way that the reader feels as if they were partaking in latimer's strange powers. as is usual for her, eliot offers percepitve & profound insights into the human psyche and character, without ever losing a beat as to the progression of her gloomy, gothic narrative -- and everything is neatly, devastatingly tied up in the story's inevitable conclusion.

well, there's 5 books!! i could mention many, many more (jean toomer's harlem renaissance masterpiece cane comes to mind, so do several short stories & the novella mathilda by mary shelley, rhys' voyage in the dark, acd's valley of fear, agatha christie's and then there were none, austen's persuasion, and even dracula, which i also can't believe i read this year), but i shall restrain myself and stop here, to everyone's relief, i'm sure :)

[kreiarchives]

Silent Lovefool / introduction of characters 3

Fyodor’s Friends

Depicted as 20 years old. Perhaps the most intimidating student Aude has yet to offer with his smarts and demeanor.

Unlike other popular identities like Dazai and Ranpo—Fyodor is well-known because he is one of the very few who was seen scary and almost dangerous to many students because of how stupidly sharp his mind is. His different approach to life is what also makes others want to avoid him, however despite such negative description—he is still an individual people can go to. So long as they don’t make a fool out of themself, then Fyodor will take his time to interact back.

As such, he also has friends in this university. Memorable names like Nikolai Gogol and Tatsuhiko Shibusawa are two that he seems to be very close with, for he is seen with them both a good amount of times. With how close he is to the two, many mistaken that they are a ‘trio’, however it does not look like it for Fyodor shakes his head to the term. Asides Nikolai and Shibusawa, he seems to also be friends with Dazai Osamu and Chuuya Nakahara, closer to Dazai.

Fyodors majors are psychology, computer engineering and also has an eye for philosophy. Carrying of what is seen as extremely difficult majors—Fyodor takes them in like bringing a pet to walk as he is seen doing these majors effortlessly, even bringing his knowledge to it in his academic records that have never been quite beaten yet. Dazai’s academic record was a close opponent, but there was still more to catch up on. At least, that’s what Dazai shows, and that’s what Fyodor’s would reply with.

Depicted as 20 years old. A playful and charming student.

Despite Nikolai not being a student council member, his fame strikes almost bigger than theirs as he is an individual full of enticement, even stating that he is a clown with abilities of a magician. When doubted, he’s quick to prove otherwise—playing up tricks up his sleeves that was able to twist the contradict into an agreement instead. Some may dislike his loud behavior, but Nikolai is one who is able to keep it to a level once a situation will call for it. But for times where it does not—he is pretty much titled as the most loudest student of Aude. And it’s almost surprising how prideful he takes it instead of being ashamed.

As stated, for being so famous—it can’t be surprising that he’ll also be thriving with friends in this prestigious school. There seems to be no dorm of this university that finds no interest in this self-proclaimed clown and magician, for all will either like him or have no center opinion. However, he is always seen with Fyodor Dostoevsky since both are childhood friends. It’s also mentionable that he tends to stick to Sigma too. Yet it’s unsure what Sigma thinks of this.

Nikolai’s major was difficult to be certain of as he surprisingly doesn’t talk much about it, however it was stated that he takes anthropology. For such a character that almost never cares to adapt towards anyone's personalities and expectations of him, it’s either a shock or the most obvious thing that he would take anthropology for his major. It’s never really explained why, though it is rumored that Fyodor only knows.

Depicted as 19 years old. Yet another man of intellect that brings no surprise due to him being Fyodor’s close friend.

He’s not as well-known as Fyodor and Nikolai, however, similar to Sigma’s case—he ends up being a person quite known because of the two other ‘higher’ profile. Shibusawa is a student who actually holds arrogant patterns in his behavior, and he is told to be this way because of how ‘bored’ he seems of in life. When he was once asked why he went to Aude University, his response was easily a “search to cure my boredom”, and so was most of his replies in almost every situation. He was pulled down as a guy who just wanted entertainment to cure a seemingly incurable boredom. And while it was correct, much of his personality was still unseen by the university…

…And it seems only Fyodor is aware of it. In terms of friendships, he isn’t really seen with many people other than the said guy. Sometimes Nikolai, however it only happens when Fyodor brings the situation to that point. He does interact with people from time to time, but the most loyal he has been with is for Fyodor—a person Shibusawa claims that understands him more than anyone else could.

Shibusawa has yet to find his major, for he seems unable to stick to one. He is not content with most majors and he can’t seem to find one that will truly cure what he always likes to say, ‘boredom’. He once tried psychology like Fyodor’s current major, however he was quick to discard it once he realizes how impossible it is to surpass the guy’s knowledge to this field, stating that he needs a major entertaining enough to have others challenge him while also being one of the best.

[darlingkara]

So, I haven't written here since December of 2022

I am finally reorganizing my everything! Well, that's the play, anyway.

Sorry for any typos-- I will be careful. I am working with a new but old laptop and I am not used to the keyboard. But, it works for my vanilla IT job and camming. I have not broadcasted publicly with it, but ran a password protected show and saw it from a phone, a TV, another PC screen. It looked okay at 720/60fps. I have not tried to hook the Cannon up to it yet.

I wish I were a desk person. I am just not. I have never been, haha. Chairs are uncomfortable, the desk height is usually off, and they are hard and uncomfy! I cannot study, or read, or work at a desk. I have always been a bed, couch, floor person.

My classes start in exactly 2 weeks from now... September 5. Now I can finally take the philosophy class I have wanted to take! I don't dislike economics, but the program degree is Philosophy, Politics and Economics (PPE). I like socio-economics and more so ethics and behavioral strategy. So one Philosophy class and one Politics class. I won't be too too specific, as it wouldn't be too hard to find me. But I am excited-- I love both studies.

Btw, not like I care if people find ''out''. My family knows I am a cam girl... I think they mostly support it. My mother thinks it is like Twitch with boobies. Hahaha. Kinda, but I don't play games when I broadcast. Or really never or rarely.

Speaking of the devil, 2 outta 3 siblings are blocked on FB and I will never talk to them again, I assume. My sister said something about having to pay taxes on a parking lot that her church rented out to sell vegetables. She is umm... a Libertarian. I said, ''Well, at least the concrete was taxed''.

She told me to eat concrete... Like, wtf, I know. And then a slew of recent things she has said to me just hit me. Like, some stupid hypothetical boat story she was discussing a few weeks back. A person is on a boat and has to get to an island. They see a person drowning, and have space in the boat. I said, well, of course I would help them and pick them up. I am going there anyways, and it is not like I can watch someone drown. She said she wouldn't help them, but ''it's not like it was her hand drowning them''. I am sure I said something about how humans need each other and her thinking was a bit.... antisocial, shall we say.

After the EAT CONCRETE weirdness, she sent me a link with pre-made cookie dough being recalled for having woods chips in it, and told me I should eat that, too.

That was it. That was my breaking point. I told her... WOW... What a lovely Christian you are being. You are selfish and ill-willed, and you are dipping your toes into alt-tight territory. And that is the last thing she saw before I blocked her. And I feel so much lighter. She was not like this before. She's 5 years older than I am, and she is not stupid. She has 2 Master's degrees Philosophy and Psychology. Thank fuck she isn't someone's therapist. She did have a patient kill themselves when she first started... and she found them. She was distraught for awhile, which is understandable, but I repeatedly told her that she had nothing to do with it-- The person would have committed suicide anyways, at some point. She obviously wasn't allowed to talk about the specifics (HIPAA). But I felt for her.

Anyways, it is weird to mentally lose two siblings. Albeit, they were older than I am by 5 and 9 years, but we were still close. I was the youngest-- I am not quite Gen X, but due to their ages and influences, I am half Gen X, half Millennial, whatever that means. Of course they are both Anti-Vax (but just recently). It is just so odd. We were not raised this way. They have both become fairly religious. I am almost certain my brother has been celebite for a decade, if not more.

His daughter, who is 18, started college in a kinda southern and eastern state. For some reason, he decided to follower her, move there and I was thinking like, man, get a life. I loved my dad, but that's the last thing I would want him to do-- follow me states away at 18. Bejesus.

....Enough whining from me. Sorry, I don't have an outlet for my feelings.

...8 hours later... I worked way too much. I did my IT job for 4 hours and I re-did the floor (again) for another 4 hours. It's getting there! If only I realized I probably only needed stronger acetone to remove the damn spots and tar, it would have been much easier. It is like, half wood, and half I don't know. There are pics on Twitter. I think I will eventually have to buy some oak stain for some spots I over-sanded. But, not so ba+d or expensive thus far. Nail files, acetone, mineral spirit alcohol and a stove scraper I already had, haha.

My weight loss had plateaued for a bit. I was stuck at 90 kgs/190 lbs for almost a month, and now I am 86.7kgs or 191 lbs. I really only want to get to about 160-170 pounds, Anything less than that, I look kinda weird, imo. Start weight was a very shocking 247 lbs or 124 kgs. Yikes. You don't realize how slow you pack in on. I am sticking with 1100 calories a day. But I am so bad. All I want are these little chocolate doughnuts, veggies and meat. It could be worse. :)

I will try to update more than every 6 months, haha. Lately all I have been doing is being snarky on Twitter, working, and reading.

This Trump et al thing is craaaaazy. But I am not surprised. I cannot believe people are so gullible and believe in such bizarre lies. I have been obsessed with Erik Prince and Mike Flynn fir awhile, as well as the Wagner group, before they were all on most people's radar. And Musk/Twitter-- that was not by accident. None of this is.

Until next time... Keep yourself sane, content and safe!