#like literally once conversation that’s all i ask

[pellucid-constellations]

Compliments to the Line Cook

Pairing: Line Cook!Azriel x Reader

Summary: Azriel never goes for any of the girls on staff. Cassian can't figure out why—and it's pissing him off.

Word count: 1k

Warnings: None! Maybe some language but I tend to do that with modern AUs oops

a/n: Me 🤝 eventually turning to AUs for every fandom. Anyways I think I'm setting this up for a cute little series thing with oneshots because I am inspired ✨ enjoy!!

Main Masterlist ♡

~~

“Come on,” Cassian scoffed with an exasperated tilt of his head. “She is totally into you.” 

Azriel threw his friend a look, wiping his hands on the apron tied at his waist. “I don’t care.” 

“You don’t care? When’s the last time you got laid, man?” 

“Last night,” Azriel simply replied. He moved the prepped onions from the counter to the fridge. “Not that it’s any of your business.” 

“What? You didn’t tell me that,” Cassian pouted, pausing his spatula on the grill. 

Azriel huffed out a breathy laugh, taking up his post at the prep table once more. “Do I need to tell you every detail of my sex life, Cass? Would that help you get it up? I know you struggle.”

“Hey,” Cassian called out, brows raised as Azriel met his gaze. “Fuck you. Who was it, then?” 

“Well, it certainly wasn’t the barely legal host you won’t stop trying to set me up with,” Azriel grumbled.

“Dude, she’s literally 26.” 

“She doesn't look 26.” 

The order bell ringing punctuated the end of the pointless conversation between the two men. In truth, Cassian knew Azriel would never be interested in the new host who had been giving him eyes for the past week. Azriel was never interested in the hosts or the waitresses or even any of the customers. But he would never share why. 

Cassian had grown sick of it. 

He narrowed his eyes as he watched Azriel grab the ticket off the order wheel. He flicked the paper with a small hum, heading to the stove and lighting the burner. 

“Fess up,” Cassian urged, plating the burger for table 12 before tossing the towel on his shoulder into the sink. “You act all mysterious but I’m not an idiot. All the girls on staff basically throw themselves at you and you ignore them. They go on and on about your tattoos even though I have just as many. Gwyn even had her hand on your chest last week and you brushed her off with that awkward pat thing you do.” 

“The mean waitress doesn’t throw herself at me,” Azriel replied. He had yet to look up from the pan sizzling at his fingertips. 

“Oh shut up. Nesta doesn’t count.” 

“Well, you said all so…” 

“I swear to god, Az, I’m going to hit you right in that pretty face of yours—what the hell are you making?” Cassian interrupted himself, whipping around from the send-out counter to inspect the odd combination of ingredients being thrown in the pan. 

“An order,” Azriel stated. “I feel like you should be working.” 

“I am working, asshole,” Cassian grumbled.

Azriel made a noncommittal sound and slid an omelette from the pan onto a plate. He grabbed a handful of spices from the cabinet above and continued to work on the meal. Cassian’s confusion only heightened. 

“We don’t make omelettes past noon. It’s dinner. Why the hell did you make an omelette?” Cassian asked, trailing after his friend as he pushed past the swinging kitchen door. “And where the hell are you going?” 

“Will your curiosity ever be satisfied?” Azriel droned. “I’m clearly walking this plate out to table eight. Go back into the kitchen. The Walters were just seated and you know they order enough to feed an army.” 

Cassian ignored him, staying uncharacteristically silent as he set the intention to spy on his coworker. He let his feet stick at the entrance to the dining room, giving him a clear view of table eight and the girl with the backpack and laptop taking up its residence. 

Azriel placed a steady hand on the back of the booth, his chest pressed against the girl’s shoulder as he brought the plate around and edged her laptop aside. The omelette was placed down in front of her, but Cassian was quick to notice that she didn’t even glance at it, her face turned up with a grin. 

“Hi, baby,” Azriel greeted, a smile evident in his voice—a smile Cassian could hear from clear across the room. “Take a break. I made you dinner.” 

“From the secret menu?” she asked with a giggle.

Cassian watched, in complete shock, as Azriel leaned down to press a long, drawn-out kiss to her temple. “Always.” 

Cassian had a lot to say to that mysterious bastard.

[hyperblue]

as much as i enjoy the thought of kon immediately taking on fatherhood and confessing his feelings to tim in timkon clone baby aus, i can't help but think about all the potential for a slowburn that we can have, such as:

— making a deep dive into kon's view of the situation, exploring his clone feeling about himself, exploring his feelings about clark in particular — because their relationship is very interesting and complicated on it's own, and the biggest tragedy of it, in my opinion, is that kon was never clark's responsibility, in fact there was never a single adult person that had to take care of kon because kon initially never belonged to anyone. he's no one's child, no one's son, and us much as we might want to blame clark or, you know, any adult in his life for not taking care of him and protecting him, they had their right not to do it. someone should have had care, but also no one was obligated to. i really hope i make sense, what I'm trying to convey is that you really can't blame anyone for kon being unsupervised for most of his life no matter how much you might want too (aside from lex luther and cadmus itself ofc, but that would be a slightly different conversion); and kon knows that himself, has known that for a while, but the moment he's confronted by his own clone child it adds so much more perspective, and the conflict of once (still) being a child that no one wanted while simultaneously being introduced to a child that you don't have to want but if not you no one else will (tim will, but tim's also a slightly different conversation) would be so interesting and delicious;

— LOTS of awkward co-parenting from two teen-dads who might or might not be head over heels for each other but also not really having time to explore their relationship and their feelings bc they have a whole ass child to raise; not to mention kon's conflicted clone boy feelings and tim's haunting guilt that affect every single interaction of theirs. just imagine the pressure, the slowburn, the ust. imagine them knowing about each other feelings, but also knowing that it's not the right time — there might never be the right time anymore, not after what tim has done. imagine them negotiating visiting hours and weekends like they're some divorced couple. imagine them swinging their child between them on a walk home, imagine kon showing up early at tim's penthouse with fresh ingredients from the farm to make healthy breakfast, imagine tim dosing off on kon's shoulder while watching old disney movies with their kid right there on the carpet in front of a tv; playing house, but knowing damn well that they are not together. that they might never be together;

— clone baby getting used to this strange family dynamic that they have — knowing that kon is their other dad, but never ever calling him that (they have no memory of calling him pa! when they were much younger, no memory of kon crying and kissing their forehead right after; no memory of tim becoming really pale and then gently teaching them that kon is not pa, or papa, or dad, he is just kon, only even just kon); knowing that daddy loves kon, but for some reason that's something that they never talk about, and the kid is too afraid to ask because he knows that he'll hurt his dad if he does. fighting with tim and then crying because they want their other dad, but tim tells not to bother kon, as if kon might secretly hate them, and then hearing tim and kon having a fight from upstairs, stop acting like I'm going to flee any second, it's been literal years, when are you going to believe me when i say that i LOVE our child;

— tim trying his best to be a good parent and co-parent but still screwing up anyways because he's too trapped in his own guilt and insecurities; accidentally hurting both kon and their child by not wanting to hurt them, trying to distance them from each other when things are starting to get good, because they are not supposed to be good, tim does not deserve things to be good. shying away from kon's most innocent touches, refusing his child traditional summer vacation on kent's farm because he can feel his baby starting to prefer kon over him, and that's something that he doesn't know what to do with, all he knows is that he can't lose his baby not even to the love of his life. fighting with kon a lot, going they are MINE, stop pretending that you want them or care for them just to take them away from me, they are the only thing in the world that i love more than you;

— and then finally sorting things out after years, confessing their feelings, talking about every single insecurity that they both had about this situation; holding hands across kitchen table after crying their eyes out, and deciding to try it. restoring the friendship they almost lost somewhere along the way while trying to be a good parents for their baby — exchanging text that are not just visiting hours negotiations, awkwardly flirting like they are teenagers again, brushing each other shoulders and hands and sitting a little too close on a couch; getting to go on dates, getting to feel giddy and young about each other again, falling in bed together and getting to wake up from a sound of their kid destroying the kitchen, our child is hungry by the way, we should probably start getting out of bed. our child? yeah. our child.

idk man i just love the potential and complexity of it all. so many things to do with au, it really is an endless sandbox to play in

[nehi-soda]

Once More to See You - DBF!Joel Miller x Female Reader No Outbreak AU

Explicit; Minors DNI 18+ only.

Summary: Everyone had gathered in Joel Miller's yard for his annual Fourth of July party. What no one would have guessed was that you'd been secretly fucking him for months. Oh, and he's your dad's best friend. But something was off about him. He's been ignoring you all day until you finally confront him.

Word count: 2.5K

Warnings: POSSIBLY DUBCON as reader has been drinking (also tagged), P in V sex, ANGST, smut, secret relationship, praise kink, dirty talk, cream pie, heartbreak, Joel is kind of a dick, dbf!joel, au!joel, no outbreak!joel. Legal age gap (reader is early 20s, and Joel is 56). No use of Y/N. Mood board for aesthetics only; reader's features aren't specified other than Joel can pick them up.

A/N: Posting this a day late as I literally only started writing it yesterday out of nowhere. Enjoy!

Joel's annual fourth of July party was in full swing. Children were running around with sparklers, families were gathered around picnic tables laden with food, and the air was filled with music. Tommy was in control of the music, so of course, AC/DC and Lynard Skynrd had been playing all day. The smell of grilling burgers and hot dogs wafted through the air, mingling with the scent of freshly mowed grass and the tang of chlorine from the pool.

You spotted Joel near the grill, expertly flipping burgers and chatting animatedly with your dad. You felt a flutter of excitement, eager to see him after your last er…hangout. As you approached, he glanced your way but quickly looked away, focusing intently on the food.

"Hey, Joel," you called out, trying to sound casual despite the nervous anticipation in your voice.

"Hey," he replied, not meeting your eyes, his tone brisk. He immediately turned to your dad, asking about the game they were planning to watch tomorrow.

You hovered nearby, hoping for a chance to talk, but every time you tried to engage him, he found a way to sidestep your attempts. First, he asked another guest to grab more buns from the kitchen. Then, he excused himself to check on the drinks. Each time you approached, he either walked away or started a conversation with someone else.

Determined not to give up, you followed him to the drinks table, where he was refilling the coolers with ice and beverages. "Joel, can we talk for a minute?" you asked, keeping your voice low.

"I'm busy right now," he said curtly, not even glancing up. He continued to work, his movements tense and hurried.

Your frustration grew as the party continued. You watched him from across the yard, perched on a bench, gripping your solo cup tightly as he laughed and chatted with everyone else while avoiding you like the plague. You noticed the way he stiffened whenever you were nearby, how he seemed to find any excuse to move away from you.

“Hey, loner,” your friend Kayleigh slid in next to you, nudging your side. You didn’t answer.

“Um… you…oka-.”

“Not right now, Kay,” you answer abruptly, standing up to get yourself another drink.

You downed it in one to try and quell the unease sitting in your stomach. Although it just made you feel even more sick. Something was up.

The sun was beginning to set, casting a warm golden glow and someone had started setting up fireworks for later.

Joel had just left the grill, heading toward the house with a tray of empty dishes. This was your chance. After nursing a few more drinks, you'd found the courage to quickly follow him, catching up as he reached the back door.

"Joel, we need to talk. Now," you said firmly, grabbing his arm to stop him.

He looked around, clearly uncomfortable, his eyes darting to make sure no one was watching. "Not here," he muttered.

You tailed him into the kitchen.

He began absent-mindedly washing up some dishes with his back to you.

"Alright, what’s going on? Why have you been ignoring me all day?" you demanded, crossing your arms over your chest trying to sound confident.

“How much have you had to drink?” He said, ignoring your question.

“Not a lot,” you retorted, heat rising up your body.

“That’s a fuckin’ lie,” he scoffed in his southern drawl.

“Oh, so I'm the bad person now, huh?” You replied a little too loudly. “I’m just some silly little girl who doesn’t know anything, running around after you, wondering when you might fuck me next!”

Joel threw a dish into the sink with a loud clatter, making you jump. He turned to face you, his eyes flashing. "You think this is easy for me?" he hissed, keeping his voice low but intense.

Before you could respond, the kitchen door swung open.

"Hey, you two!" Tommy greeted cheerfully, oblivious to the tension. "Just grabbing another drink. Everything okay in here?"

"Yeah, just fine," Joel replied dryly, turning away from you to look out at the yard.

Tommy lingered momentarily, grabbing a drink from the fridge and chatting casually about the party. “We’re settin’ the fireworks off soon,” he said smugly with a toothy grin.

“Oh, great.” You feigned excitement, trying to act normal, but your heart pounded.

The moment he was gone, Joel turned to you, his eyes fixed. "We can't do this here," he said through gritted teeth.

You took a deep breath, trying to steady your voice. "Then where? When? You can't just avoid me forever, Joel."

Joel sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Fine. Upstairs. Now." Without waiting for a response, he turned and headed toward the stairs, tugging you along by your arm.

You struggled to keep up with him as his heavy boots marched up the stairs. The drink made coordinating your feet very difficult.

Joel turned to face you once you were in his all-to-familiar bedroom with the door closed behind you.

“This needs to stop,” he said sternly.

Your heart dropped at his words. "Stop what? Us?"

"Yes. Us. It’s wrong, and it’s only goin’ to end badly. For both of us." He placed his hands on his hips.

"But we make each other happy. Isn’t that enough?" You said franticly.

"It’s not that simple," his voice strained. "Your dad… if he ever found out… it would be such a mess.”

You shook your head, tears pricking at your eyes. "But he doesn’t have to find out. We’ve been so careful. Please, Joel…I love you,” you sobbed as he pulled you into his chest. He wrapped his arms around you tightly as your fingers twisted around his plaid shirt. The warmth radiating from his body seeped into your bones like a cruel comfort.

"Shhh, I know, it’s okay." Joel hushed, stroking your hair. “It's complicated, baby.”

“I don’t care” you pulled back, searching his eyes for any sign that he might change his mind. But all you saw was resignation.

"Please," you whispered, your voice breaking. "Don't do this."

He cupped your face in his hands. “You deserve better than this. Better than sneakin’ around and hidin’. You deserve someone who can give you everything.”

"But I don't want anyone else," you cried, tears streaming down your face. God, you probably looked like a blabbering mess. "I want you."

Joel closed his eyes, pain etched into his features. "And I want you, too. More than you know. But this... it ain't right."

He pressed a lingering kiss to your forehead, and something inside you snapped. The finality of his touch felt like a betrayal. You shoved him back with all your strength, your hands shaking with anger and hurt.

"Don't you dare!" You shouted, your voice trembling with rage. "Don't you fucking dare tell me what's right for me. You don't get to decide that."

Joel just stood there and took it.

“I wish I never fucking met you,” you muttered.

You pushed him again, harder this time. "I wish I never fucking met you!” You repeated.

Joel's expression hardened, and in an instant, he grabbed your arms, backing you up against the wall with a force that knocked the breath out of you. Your eyes were wide as his burned into you, and for a moment, you were actually scared of him.

But before you could protest, he was unbuckling his belt and unzipping his jeans. He roughly hiked up your sundress and lifted you up by the backs of your thighs.

"This is what you want?" Joel growled, his voice low and intense. "One last time, huh?"

"Yes," you gasped, "Joel, please..."

Your heart raced as his lips sloppily crashed against yours. It was intoxicating; you could smell his cologne the beer on his breath as you wrapped yourself around him, pulling him closer, needing to feel him, to lose yourself in him. One last time.

The room spun around you, the noise from the party outside fading into oblivion as he slipped your panties to the side and entered you all at once. You took a sharp breath at the sudden stretch you were unprepared for. His movements were driven by a desperate need, forcing himself into you with a mixture of pain and pleasure as you clung to him like your life depended on it.

The boom of fireworks outside was the only momentary glitter of light as he dug his fingers into the soft flesh of your thighs and ass. You’d hoped to find bruises there in the morning.

"You drive me fuckin’ crazy," he muttered against your neck, his breath hot and ragged. "I can't stop thinkin’ ‘bout you."

"Th-then… d-don't," you struggled to get your words out as he knocked the air out of you. “J-just b-be with me..."

“Aaah, fuck, who’s got good pussy baby?” Joel growled, his voice low and rough.

"I... I do," you gasped, barely able to breathe as he thrust brutally against your cervix, each movement sending shockwaves through your body.

"Say it again," he demanded, his pace relentless. "Say it again, baby. I need to hear it."

"I do! " You screamed, the words tumbling out between ragged breaths. "I-I’ve got good pussy, Joel. It’s all y-yours!”

"Dirty fuckin’ girl,” he spat. "Screwing your daddy's best friend." He whispered, raw and guttural, sending shivers through you. You could see the intensity in his eyes, his primal need for you. You started to be able to take him more easily as you became wet with arousal. You arched your back, meeting his thrusts with equal fervour, every part of you alight with pleasure. Joel’s hands gripped you tighter, holding you in place as he pounded into you.

"Ugh…yes, Joel,” you moaned, nails clawing at his salt-and-pepper locks to pull his lips to yours. I l-love it w-when you f-fuck me.”

“Hmm, always feel so good, baby,” he pants, as his cock relentlessly slides in and out of your puffy lips. Each thrust hit that sweet spot deep within you, making your eyes roll to the back of your head. Joel knew exactly how to drive you wild, make you forget everything but the sensation of him; make you forget he was breaking your heart.

“That’s it, baby, it’s okay, just cum for me, cum all over this cock.”

Your body trembled as you cried out his name, your pleasure shattering through you in waves. You closed your eyes tight, feeling yourself gripping every inch of him as you dug your fingers into his shoulders. Joel held you through it, his strong arms keeping you secured against him and the wall as you came apart.

He followed soon after, his release a powerful, shuddering thing that left him collapsing onto you. He emptied every last bit of him into you with a growl.  You pushed his hair back from his sweaty forehead before he buried his face into the crook of your neck, panting for breath.

He pulled out of you with a groan, releasing your legs and letting your feet find the ground again. You shuffled awkwardly, rearranging your underwear and smoothing out your dress.

Joel looked away, avoiding your eyes as he did his jeans and belt back up. The silence between you was thick and heavy.

"Is this really it, then?" you asked quietly, your voice trembling as you struggled to keep your composure.

Joel sighed deeply, his shoulders slumping. "It has to be. We can't keep doin’ this."

You felt a surge of anger rise in your chest. "So that's it? You just use me one last time and then throw me away?"

He finally met your gaze. "It’s not like that. I never wanted it to end this way.”

You shook your head, tears streaming down your face.

"But we can’t keep playin’ childish fuckin’ games, and you’re too naive to see the damage this could cause.”

"Don’t you dare put this all on me," you snapped, your voice rising. "You’re the one who started this.”

Joel took a step back. "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you, but I can’t see you again,” he said coldly.

You turned away, your heart shattering with every word he said. You couldn’t bear to look at him any longer. "Fuck you, Joel,” you spat, storming toward the door. You yanked it open and stepped into the hallway.

Downstairs, the sounds of the party continued but it all sounded like you were underwater.

You moved quickly to the front door and stepped out into the night, the cool air hitting your tear-streaked face. You hugged your arms and walked quickly. The air smelt like sulphur as fireworks illuminated the sky. You didn’t stop until you reached home.

The house was eerily quiet. Too quiet.

Your heart felt like it was being crushed in a vise, each breath harder to draw than the last. You could barely see through the blur of tears as you climbed the stairs, having to use your hands to steady yourself.

You reached your room and slammed the door shut, leaning against it for support. Your legs trembled, and you slid down until you was sitting on the floor, knees pulled up to your chest.

You clenched your fists, trying to push down the sobs, threatening to break free. You had known the risks, known how wrong it was, but you hadn't been able to help yourself.

Fucking your dad’s best friend, what did you expect; thought you’d live happily ever after with a white picket fence?

Maybe Joel was right. Maybe you were too naïve. You were fucking crazy to think this could have ended any other way.

But no one made you feel like Joel did. No one felt like Joel did. It was electric. The way he touched you, the way he made you feel alive, cherished, and understood, no one had ever come close. Joel was everything you had ever wanted and more. But now, it was all over.

A soft knock on your door. "Sweetie, can we talk?" Your dad’s voice was gentle, but you couldn't face him.

"Go away," you choked out, your voice barely more than a whisper.

“Wondered where you were. You’re missing the fireworks, honey.”

"Please, just leave me alone."

“Hm, Joel did say you weren't feelin’ well, had too much to drink?”

How so desperately you wanted to tell your dad everything just to relieve some of the weight off of your shoulders, but how could you? How could you tell him, oh, by the way, I've been fucking your best friend behind your back for months, buts he’s just ended things and torn my heart into a million pieces? I know exactly just how many kisses fit between his eyes? I know the face he makes when he cums, and I think I can actually feel his cum leaking out of me right now?

divider credit to @kthice

*title inspired by "Once More to See You" by Mitski

[songmingisthighs]

Oddeleny

introduction pt. i | pt. ii | pt. iii

<< previous | m.list | next >>

ch. xxxv - sabbatical

ghost!yeosang × reader

genre : ghost!au

rating, warning : mature; crude jokes and filthy language

buy me coffee ?

wc : 1.1 k

a connection once had, broken with the expectation that the ending is final. but life has an odd proclivity of making attachments from detachments. in the end, we don't know what we lost until we look at what we have

For once, you were so deep into your work, pouring all of the anger and frustration towards Yeosang into something more productive. You were so into typing that you jumped when your door was slammed open and then shut in the speed of lightning. Thinking that it was Yunho or Jongho (because Hongjoong is quiet as a cat and is only loud with his voice on topics that infuriates him), you didn't even bother to look back.

"If one of you knuckleheads have something to say about my phone sabbatical you can file it into the complain box," which was really your trash can but they knew that.

It wasn't until you were ripped away from your work laptop with the swivel of your chair did you even realize that it was Leo who stood towering over you.

"What in God's name do you think you were doing?" He asked, huffy and looking pissed. Which was his usual resting bitch face plus a glare.

Pushing his hand off your chair, you shrugged at him, "I don't know what you're talking about," you said and tried to swivel back but he held on, "You know what I'm talking about," he stated. You furrowed your eyebrows at him and shook your head, "Oppa, I'm literally clueless here. Can I just go back to work?" This time, instead of answering you, Leo produced your phone out of his pocket which made your heart beat quicker in nerves and he showed you the chat with Yeosang. "Why the hell do you have a contact named Yeosang and even has his face on it?" He asked.

Now his anger made sense since he had been the one advocating for your mental wellbeing and he knew very well what Yeosang could do to you. But you still couldn't tell him what was going on so you shrugged in indiference as best as you could, feigning acknowledgement despite your pupils shaking when you caught a glimpse of the new conversation at the bottom, "I don't know." You knew it was a lame answer but it was the best in the pressing situation. Unfortunately, Leo was not satisfied with that answer.

"Are you kidding? So this is a joke?" He asked, getting huffier. You couldn't help but glared at him, "What's in it to you? It was just a stupid chat it means nothing. I was just entertaining an idea or some shit," "So this could be a catfish and rather than doing the logical thing, you decided to bet on your mental wellbeing?"

Though it not be the way he meant things to be but you didn't like the insinuation that you were an idiot especially coming from someone who knew you damn well and you let your displeased feelings shown. "Are you seriously insinuating that I'm some sort of an idiot or something? Because I was the one who lived through what I lived through and look at me, I'm just fine!"

At this point, the both of you knew that you were getting more and more frustrated at each other for no apparent reason and neither one of you were willing to back down since technically both of you had somewhat of a point. Leo realized that the things he wanted to say, though it's based on him worrying over you as a caregiver, would not be accepted well by you so he bit his words back. Literally. You could see him biting the inside of his cheek as he stared at you, contemplating on what to do. Then, he said something you didn't expect.

"You need to change your phone," he stated oh-so-simply. Incredulous, you blinked repeatedly, thinking you had heard wrong. "Excuse me?" "You need to change your phone because whatever this is, I have a feeling this had something to do with the hacker you were so worried about a while ago so I think you need to just leave this all behind and forget about it," he said, showing that he was serious. "I don't need to change my phone. If I change my phone due to EVERY single miniscule discomfort then I'd be the most wasteful person to ever exist, oppa," you said in the most annoying tone you can muster, hoping that he would get the hint and just leave you be.

"Are you kidding?" Alas, he was one adamant son of a bitch. "That's not my point, (y/n) and you know it. I just want to do what's best for you considering what happened in the past!"

This time, you couldn't hold it in. You pushed yourself off the chair, forcing Leo to take a step back and braced yourself. "Why do you have to insert yourself into my decision? I'm not the same idiotic 12 year old who thought mommy and daddy would step up for me and just stupidly agree to things without taking any consideration of anything important. I'm not stupid! In case it you didn't notice despite you always, ALWAYS, scrutinizing my movements as if i'm the village idiot, I grew up. I learned from my mistakes and I actually used my brain when I make a decision!"

It wasn't the tone nor the volume of your voice that caused Leo's face to fall. It wasn't even the fact that you were standing up to him which in all honesty, made him proud. It was the fact that you perceived what he thought was genuine worry and care as something so negative. He wasn't able to pin down if he was hurt with you or hurt with himself though. But it did made him realize that he couldn't say anything to help you, not even to change your mind, but to just be available for you. It was vague if it was long or short term but he knew that that was the line for him.

So, in surprising dejection, Leo sighed and put down your phone next to your work laptop before he paused in front of you. For a moment you thought that he had one last thing to say, something that would make him have the final word and you prepared yourself to pary whatever it is he had to say. So when he simply turned around and quietly leave, you felt your stomach drop and guilt bubbling up. Usually, if you had an argument, Leo would still have something snarky to say or at least show how displeased he was. But the silence and the lack of response made you think that you fucked up big time.

Though the guilt was nothing compared to the anger you felt towards a certain someone. Or some soul.

network :

@cultofdionysusnet @sandsofire @kflixnet @pirateeznet

taglist :

@luvt0kki @aestheticsluut @stayatinykatsy @miaatiny @yukichan67 @maidens-world @wlv-asteria @bee-the-loser @junstulip @keinskpopcorner @donghyuckanti27 @axo-l0tl @aurora-tiny @cyber-innie @oddracha @dinossaurz @vcutparis @redzie02 @blackb3ll @mizumigi @jan-l @zoro-nanami-wifey @charreddonuts @angelicyeo @green-agent @teenyfinds @gxlden-bxbyy @that-irrelevant-ricecakeaddict @tinyelfperson @jenowithjaem @mayonnaisehoeshit @allisonleannn @raspberrysannie @surveilenceysystem @borahae-reads @watanabehan @boo-ven9eance @cosmolight @ateezourstars @potatos-on-clouds @iinsomiac @kirbrary

@starjoongie1117 @rheriver

[onyourmarkks]

AAA hii it's diana !! I was wondering if you could do a Jake or Heeseung ( from enhypen ) fanfic!! Maybe Jealousy, like y/n has a lot of friends its bounded with her kind nature. Which means she also has male friends y/n doesn't think much about these male friends till a certain someone seems to have a problem with them. (Jake or heeseung !! ) ALSO LOVE YOUR WRITES BABE!!

HIII THANK U SMMMM 😆 and stop i literally love your writing. love u!

soooo gonna do another one with heeseung 💯 jake time

no smut this time but lmk if i should add it 😜

Ever since you were in school it was inevitable that you would have friends, you were so kind, and lovely everyone was naturally drawn to you and just so happens your male friends outweigh your female friends, and this has never bothered you, matter a fact you never even noticed it, until your boyfriend, jake noticed.

“i don’t see it as a big issue jake, i mean we’ve always kept it cordial around eachother” you explain to him as you get into bed next to him, he leans against the headboard his olive skin having a soft glow to it as he just finished showering “but that’s not it, i know how guys think y/n, they want to be more than friends” he says running a hand over his face. in all honesty you didn’t see what was wrong, your male friends were polite, and some had girlfriends and your conversations never went beyond a ‘how are you doing’ maybe jake was jealous.

“i don’t want to fight you on this tonight” i say sighing looking at him, he groans in annoyance “why can’t you just block them? like seriously” he says reaching out to hold your hand “jake i’ve known them for years, can’t you just let it go? is something wrong?” you ask him, finding his behavior peculiar as he’s never had an issue before but now he’s crazy about it.

“it’s just..” he says sighing you move closer to him, placing your hand in his hair to scratch it “hm?” you say softly peering down at him, “i’m jealous okay? i’m so jealous your guy friends are around and you keep in contact with them, naturally i feel jealous because you’re everything a guy would want y/n” he says looking at you with those puppy eyes, you had no words other than to connect your lips onto his, kissing him passionately, your lips molding together his tongue aching for access into your mouth, and you grant it.

once you both pull away you caress his cheek, “i want you and only you, okay? other guys don’t matter to me, you’re the only handsome man getting to kiss me tonight and forever” you say giggling kissing all over his face.

[valeriianz]

For the fic writer asks:

4. Obviously you did research for BitB. I'd love you to ramble about it if you like I'm sure you've got STORIES

5. Did you outline it?

7. How'd you decide it would be Hob's pov?

25-27 I'd love to know a/some favorite lines, details, and any lore you might want to share

omg TJ what wonderful questions! thank you!! this is going to get LONG!

4: Rambling about research!

do you wanna see a screen shot of my bookmarks under my "band au" folder?

man, and that's only what could fit on the screen.

there is... SO MUCH i chose to ignore for this fic. ideas that i had to drop, lines or extra details about the other band members equipment. more logistics, what Lucienne actually does, what Mervyn has to put up with as the new touring stage manager... i realized very early on that i couldn't possibly cram all this (super cool and eye opening) information into the fic and still keep reader's interest and, most importantly, to not stray away from the fact that this is a dreamling fic. whenever i felt myself getting carried away with a side character or job or even social media numbers, gossip, outside POVs, i had to reign myself in and get back on track. there will be time for exploring everything i missed in side stories after BitB is finished. i just hope i still have the energy to write it all.

once, i was so deep into research that after publishing chapter 2, i went into work and when my chef asked what "GA" meant on my prep list, i answered with full confidence, "general admission."

(it means "get ahead.")

the worst part of this entire writing process is im still learning new shit. i havent rewatched or read a lot of what i've saved because, to be very honest, i was feeling a little burnt out. it's why we're kinda full steam dreamling now. it's why ive been glossing over a lot of technical stuff and being vague about conversations amongst the crew/not including it at all. i don't prefer ignoring my research, but at the end of the day i want to still enjoy writing this fic and finish it. even if i can't be as descriptive and detailed and nuanced as i used to be.

5: Did you outline the fic?

(also asked by @hardly-an-escape!)

i wouldn't call what i have a proper "outline," it's more like a 20k word document filled to the brim with notes that i skim at least a dozen times while i'm writing a new chapter (being in my brain is literally hell). i live multichapter life very dangerously. i copy and paste lines or sections (always scattered, never together! augh!) that are meant to go together and plop them in a new document titled "band au ch.#" and then i structure the chapter around what i want to happen.

but to answer this question in the plainest of terms: yeah. i know exactly what's going to happen up until the very end. even if its all in my head and the only concrete shit that's written down are beats/plot points. i'll figure out the rest later!

7: How'd you decide it would be Hob's POV?

i actually never even considered writing it from Dream's POV. this was my first fic in the fandom (which is so nuts to think about lol) and writing in Dream's POV sounded so scary lol. i also just thought Hob's would be easier because i have worked a few backstage shows, back in my college years. i figured eh, i can make this work. and i loved exploring how weird and mysterious musicians can be, from a normie's POV. making Hob a fan first and having him worry about developing a parasocial relationship... it was fun to explore.

25: Share your favorite line

oh god, i have so many haha.

“What are you thinking about?” starting in ch.2 and onward lmao

“It’s–” Dream laughs quietly, bitterly. “I don’t like change.” He says each word with emphasis, eyes trailing down to fixate somewhere past Hob. “And I still hold onto the things I can control, like my instruments–” his eyes swing up to regard Hob apologetically. “Or my clothes or my–” he brings a hand up and wiggles his fingers around his head. “My hair.” ch.4

"His majesty is pleased." ch.5

“You are obsessive,” he states, slow and cool and with a quiet smile cracking through his composure. “Just like me.” ch.7

“You look good.” Hob has to lean in to say so, unwilling to raise his voice amongst the roar of the fans. ch.11

“Del looks like porcelain, but she’s actually made of steel.” Desire swirls the contents of their glass before pushing their shoulders back with a deep breath. “She's tougher than all of us.” ch.11

“Everything. I want…” his fingers tighten in Hob’s hair, pulling him closer, speaking against his lips. “…Everything.” ch.14

26: Share your favorite detail

how intentionally coy Dream behaves. i love keeping him a mystery and deciding when and how much to allow his intentions to peek through has been so fun lol.

Despair is in fact covered in tattoos and piercings! i say this because i feel like sometimes i forget lmao. (but also her and Hob don't interact much so. my bad haha).

Delirium's constant explosion of color in the way she dresses <3

Hob's dedication to his job, Dream, and the people he cares about the most. i don't care if people think i'm making him too soft and good, im gonna project on that man and make him a sweet, sweet simp lmao

and ah, this doesn't matter anymore, and i kinda regret doing it but. i originally had Dream's favorite bass all black but the pickguard was white. so it actually looked like Jessamy. not gonna lie when @designtheendless drew it all black i decided i liked it better that way. and truly i do. that's when i went back to ch.1 and changed it haha. to actually see the guitar with Dream, all done up sparkling black and purple flecks... gosh it's just so him. but then i got up to the reveal that the guitar's name was Jessamy and i was like, "oh, right." lmao. no one seems to care so i'll leave it be.

27: Share a piece of lore you made up for the story

i have a lot lmao. and this post is already so long... im hoping i can get to some if not all of it in side fics in the future. but for now, here's some that's more like headcanons but:

Dream hates flying. he can full on go into panic attacks on the plane if he allows himself to get into his own head.

this was mentioned briefly in ch.4, while Dream was discussing the formation of the band, but Despair was in another band before joining Endless. she is the only character in the fic who gets to keep her English roots (lol sorry) and is the oldest in the band (30).

all of the band members ages: Dream, Desire, and Death are all 28 and Delirium is 22.

Dream can experience subdrop after going too hard during a performance.

Dream paints his own nails, it's very therapeutic.

as an exercise, i explored my own headcanons for Dream in this verse in a word doc, and one thing i will share from it that you might find interesting: If I were to ever give Dream a theological values, I would describe him as a satanist. He is a physical and pragmatic person, nonconforming, and although he is introverted, he enjoys being a part of a community (he loves his band).

also found this in my notes: How Desire and Dream got along was Death making them fight it out. Hob raises an eyebrow “like in a brawl?” He couldn't imagine Desire throwing hands. “No, in a pillow fight that escalated in hair pulling and verbal taunts.”

fic writer asks

[nejiretai]

i’d give anything to see them interact just once

[hibernationsuit-remade]

GORGONNNNN GORGON. UGH

KDJDBFNFNFKFN me playing gorgon

no fr tho i have such a gorgon brainrot 😭😭 this asteroid lives in my head rent free even if i try to make it pay for it (aka lots of thoughts but no coherent way to talk abt it). why can't my brain concentrate on eridanos or smth

anyway currently thinking abt toby and jasper low having a "chemists fucked up by managers" club 💔

some thoughts in tags bc they're not so clear to be written in a post NDBFJJFK

[nexus-nebulae]

god i fucking hate the feeling of knowing exactly what you need to help you and telling people that clearly and loudly and asking for help in the most specific ways you know how and still being ignored or being told they don't know what to do for me

[dreamertrilogys]

so i haven’t personally come out to anyone recently bc i’ve been outsourcing it (getting my girlfriend to do it) & one thing i’ve noticed is that ppl will say a lot more than they would if you were there. for example fran from english class apparently said something along the lines of “yeah i figured. i mean they look like a man anyway” & my girlfriend’s sister just straight up guessed it before my gf even told her (“do they use they/them pronouns” literally a couple hours after meeting me for the first time (in a setting where i was introduced as a cis woman). glad i give off the impression of someone who uses pronouns. thank you)

[someweirdoreblogger]

I'm going on further in Blue Exorcist and I'm reading the fight scene between suicidal Yukio and weakened Rin. And boy, this scene hits hard.

From the start, Yukio buried everything he ever felt under a classic "I'm fine, nothing is wrong" facade. And that hole grew heavier with dirt the more he witnessed Rin throughout the series, observed his powers and his kinship with other people. And Yukio makes it a mission to pull a cover over those emotions, pulls out every card he has to never show that dirt to anyone.

Because showing that dirt is a weakness, and to Yukio, weakness is the ultimate downfall of himself.

(Long rant undercut. Breaking down this important scene and Yukio's struggle with personal care. Major spoilers ahead!)

This scene is extremely important, because Yukio finally spills beans; his feelings, everything he bottled up over the years as a result of his inner turmoil. All the emotional damage Yukio goes through, and how Rin comes around to "understand it" or that's how he puts it.

Yukio said he wanted to die when his eyes changed but its deeper than that isn't it?

Yukio been severely depressed from the very beginning, there are hints about this occasionally dropped. From Yukio's comments about his own appearance, to how bonded he really feels to Rin because of all their pretty destructive quarrels. And finally, most importantly, his overall prowess; Limited, thanks to Yukio born as mostly human.

Far before, the Kraken fight where he openly admits to loathing his existence-far before his fight with Todo in the Impure King arc, which was the first real insight the manga showed us into Yukio's true views on Rin climbing the ladder of power and his connection to him as a younger twin. He can't help but feel 'threatened' by it, ever since Yukio knew what/who Rin really was and how powerful he will potentially be in the future (Which was when he was very young). Yukio was always sad, beating himself up for not being as good as Rin on the battle felid-hated himself for being weak, behind in Rin's shadow compared to his physical and magical strength.

And Yukio hides this because he can't handle others looking down on him, see his "weakness", learn his true self. And his true self is just done with life; afraid of help, pity and sympathy because that supposedly suggests he isn't strong when really, strength doesn't rely entirely on pure physical capabilities. He wants to grow strong enough to fend for himself because weaklings could never hope to get by-live freely without worries in an exorcist's world. Demons and evil humans will always take advantage of that and eventually destroy them. The strong eat the weak, a common rule of nature.

Mephisto Pheles drops a very interesting line when Yukio confronts him about the mysteries about the twin's unusual birth.

Thats it.

Mephisto just stated Yukio's entire character role-his placement-the lesson he reflects in the series. Yukio's endearing and most relatable quality isn't how he fights and exorcises demons or how humanity deals with monsters,

it's how Yukio fights his 'true self'; how he handles inner conflicts, stubborn teen tendencies and impulses. It's apparent that Yukio fears being permanently weak due to being human, which is why he went with carefree Shima to go meet Lucifer, but I personally think Yukio fears most is exactly what Mephisto stated here, a calm state of content with oneself.

Self-discovery.

Thats another thing too (Right again Mephisto, you sly dog!), the problem isn't with Yukio's past reality. It is with his present one.

The reality that Yukio does deserve to be happy.

Being content with yourself-having self-discovery means you are happy with the way you are regardless of your flaws. Regardless of the mistakes you probably made, any sugar-coated lies and ugly truths whether in the past or not, you accept yourself. This is something humanity strives for constantly in the modern world.

And man, Yukio sure as fuck doesn't.

Yukio doesn't believe he deserves to ever be happy with everything he's done up till the quarrel fight against Rin. Yukio is so determined to keep up his carefully crafted mask of "pride and power" that he willingly harms others to keep that front, snapping at Sheimei when she tried to unlock that deeper part of him, which only sends him spiraling down in depression further out of regret.

Mephisto honestly hits the nail in the fucking coffin with that line. Yes, it's super fucking cold of Mephisto to brush off Yukio like this even when the timing is so critically harsh. But if you think about it from an adult point of view, Mephisto is right.

Yukio (And Rin just as much) definitely deserves to know the truth, but should Mephisto really be the one to tell him?

Mephisto is by no means a saint who guides children to salvation, and while Mephisto is indeed Rin's and Yukio's appointed guardian who did go out of his way to protect them (Albeit for his own pleasure, personal merit and schemes), self-discovery is all about the acceptance and love you have for your person; exterminating self-hatred and instead replacing it with self-care and love, effectively weaponizing flaws and not letting them rule over you.

You can't force someone to love themselves, can't help someone who doesn't want it.

And while Mephisto is a fucking sadistic jerk-ass motherfucker, there is no denying he is incredibly smart, and acts what he thinks is best for peace in Assiah by setting everything up in his toybox in True Cross Academy, his little chess game full of pawns and pieces to go as he sees fit. I wouldn't put it past Mephisto causing suicides himself even, you could call Shiro's death an example if you take in account that Mephisto planned and set up nearly everything that happened in the series.

He knew telling Yukio his history won't change what he thinks of himself and his actions, Mephisto off handedly (Telling Rin to ignore that he mentioned it) stated it himself that he already shown Yukio his secret past and it changed nothing. Yukio still would've wanted power; still would've gone to see Lucifer.

Something like what Yukio is going through isn't a problem Mephisto should tell him the answer too. Yes, Yukio is a teenager struggling with a lot of fucking shit, but it's Yukio's shit. Therefore, Yukio needs to figure it out. Saburota Todo himself commented on Yukio's lack of honesty; nothing is ok, and Yukio is suffering. And Yukio isn't as alone as he thinks he is, blinded by these walled he put up for himself.

Yukio has friends, has family that want to show him love and compassion. People that would hear and reach out toward that suffering, not because they think he's weak, not because Yukio himself is weak for bearing it.

But because he is loved. Rin loves him, Sheimei loves him, everyone in the group loves him, and cherishes him for who Yukio is. Feeling sadness and fear is all a part of being human, and it's natural for other people that are connected to you to want to hold your hand through the wildfires.

Quite frankly, Yukio needs to put his head on straight and accept the fact that he knows people. People that are his friends, people that are his family. You can't just shut out those people all together and expect nothing to come of it later, those people that you bonded with, that all connected themselves to each other.

Yukio is strong, not in merely physical strength. But in experience, his intelligence, quick thinking and his ability to adapt to almost any situation as all humans naturally do to defend themselves and survive.

Yukio can do things by himself, but not everything whatever the fuck his pride tells him. Sooner or later, Yukio was going to have his emotions brought to the surface, because he is the type to snap. To get angry.

Yukio is argumentatively easier to break then Rin is emotionally.

And even if Yukio wasn't going to face his emotions willingly, Rin was going to make him.

[fairyzar]

the older i get the more confused i become in regards to my identity.

[pepprs]

ok um. literally fucking pain and suffering. mutuals i need ur advice vote now on your phones 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[zmaragdos]

.

[bibiana112]

Everyone's always so mad over unsolicited criticism but you know what makes me furious? Unsolicited comfort. Me simply not expressing myself the same way as you is not a sign that I'm depressed and in desperate need for you to come to my rescue, it is not an invitation for you to act like my one pillar of reliability or to act like my friend when you do not know my life, do not know wether I do have support, do not know I chose to be in this position you feel so uncomfortable looking at and on god you just don't get to pity me for living my fucking life the way I want to

[djungleskogs]

found out literally like most of my coworkers have been friends outside of work this entire time….