#like kid philip is still in there somewhere

[yourbustedkneecaps]

guys please where’s my extremely-traumatized-but-just-thinks-this-shit-is-normal philip/belos? where’s my philip who has abandonment issues? where’s my philip who doesn’t know he’s terrified of loving someone like caleb again until it happens? where’s my chronic pain philip who doesn’t know everyone else just,,, doesn’t hurt all the time? where’s my philip having nightmares about the most insignificant things over and over again because it’s a trigger for him? where’s my exhausted, overworked, sick philip who never lets anyone take care of him but himself because that’s too much like having caleb back? where’s my philip that sleeps in the dirt cuz that’s the only way he feels comfortable anymore? my philip who blanks out when he eats palismen or kills another golden guard cuz he never quite recovered from murdering his brother? philip who likes flowers and knows how to garden BI foods? who knows how to sew a little? who doodles in the margins of his personal papers? who was fascinated enough with magic that he made scrolls and the BI’s first ever internet? who came up with crow phones? who struggles killing living things but can poke at dead stuff all day without thinking of his misdeeds with that dagger?

where’s my philip with all the human shit part of him that helped sculpt history? where’s he at?

[angstyhikka]

We decided to do the most terrible thing possible to Collie - puberty >:^)

The boy becomes stronger. He loses control over his magic, his body constantly morphs and strives to become BIGGER. And the funny thing is that neither the kid nor Philip know what is happening to him, and those who know (Archi and Colibri from TandemAU) do not tell. Archi thus takes revenge on Collie for abandoning their family, and Tandem-Colli, to whom his Archi told everything about puberty long before it began, decided that this was not his problem

The only one who tries to help Collie and give at least a rough idea of ​​puberty is Luz. She has no idea how puberty works for the archivists, but she shares with Collie her knowledge of how it works for humans. It doesn't help much, but Collie now at least knows the name of his "disease"

But the problems don't end there... Collie is horny. And he is very, very ashamed of it. He wants to fuse souls with someone. And due to the fact that the only person close to him is Philip, he begins to think that he is in love with him. And Philip, like a typical anime protagonist, doesn’t understand shit and thinks that Collie is just hungry. THEY HAD A MOMENT when Collie, during their another fight, almost swallowed Philip’s head, and this, as we remember, is the language of love and sympathy for Archi (and probably all archivists, I think). And then Collie quickly came to his senses, pulled back and hovered for a minute, after which he ran away without saying anything. What did Philip do? Philip, our dearest autistic creature, didn’t understand a damn thing and ignored what happened. EVERYONE. Literally EVERYONE NOTICED, only Philip didn’t notice

All this Collier's ignorance about what is happening to him, his inability to put energy somewhere and confusion in feelings lead to the fact that he turns into Collistrophe - the final boss of the anarchist story. He becomes completely uncontrollable, his desires get the better of him, and Armageddon begins on the Boiling Islands. And if previously the residents of BI still somehow put up with what was happening, then THIS case crossed all possible lines. There is no night - it is always day, and no one can sleep no matter how hard they try. Noise, fun and games 24/7!

How will Luz, Hunter and Philip get out of this situation and calm Collie down? WE DON'T KNOW :))) But we'll figure it out

[darling-i-read-it]

Reunion

Trevor Philips x fem!reader

Word Count: 5k

Warnings: smut, unprotected smut, gta5 story spoilers, 

Author’s Note: I am very aware this is the randomest thing to post. I have been replaying gta5. I am in love with Trevor. He’s my best friend, he’s the funnest to play, and I need him (nefarious motives). I unironically have a part 2 to this I’ve half written where the reader and Trevor meet up with Michael so let me know if anyone is invested <3 This is partly inspired by me going into the strip club to go to the atm and then going batshit insane. i am no better than a man but it is never the women im objectifying.

Summary: The reader did the original heist with Brad, Michael and Trevor. Afterwards, when everyone got split up, Lester told the reader that both Trevor and Michael were dead. After the jewelry store the reader wonders if he was lying about both of them. The reunion is filled with anger and also long lasting tension. 

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director/creator

(not my gif)

“You see him at all? After the incident?” Michael’s voice trailed off into a feign disinterest. Lester and him both knew; this is what the conversation had been leading up to. The conversation had dissipated away from the task at hand, casing the jewelry store. Neither of them seemed to care. 

“I kept tabs on him for a while. Needed to know that he didn’t blame me,” Lester complained, reminding them both of the idicotic ways of their former friend. 

“Yeah, where’d he go?” Michael questioned, trying to be nonchalant. 

“North, south, east, west. Wherever there were liquor stores to turn over and hitchhikers to disappear.” There was a beat of silence as Michael climbed further up the roof to get a better vantage point. The words could have remained in the air, if Michael hadn’t pushed further. 

“Where did they bury him?”

“They buried him? Not as far as I know.” 

He wanted to ask. He knew he had to. 

“You see her?” 

Lester was glad Michael couldn’t see his face. It was a knowing look. Oh God, Michael wanted to talk about her again! Something so familiar that it didn’t even seem out of place, not even after everything.

“No. She left all together.”

“She still…she still around?”

“She’s alive if that’s what you’re asking. Moved, made a better life for herself. Better than he could’ve gaven her. Or you for that matter. Still got the bullet wound to prove she was there though. Physical therapy for months on that shoulder.” 

Michael was hit with a sudden pang of nostalgia. He thought about the pandering, the vein attempts to make himself look better for you. The fight’s he and Trevor used to have all the time, arguments on who deserved you and who would get you. He had hoped you were oblivious. Now he wasn’t so sure he believed that. 

“I told her he was dead.” 

Michael paused on the roof, his movements only momentarily stunned. 

“You feel bad about that?”

“It was the only thing to do. She would’ve found him. They would’ve found you. Bad for everyone.” 

“And especially your cover.”

“Especially that.”

You were living a life where both he and Trevor were dead. You had moved on because it was the only thing you were able to do. He yearned to know what it could’ve been like if things hadn’t gone to hell. The danger was intoxicating but never as intoxicating as you. 

He thought about Amanda. How she had never been you, how that’s the reason he was never able to love her the way he wanted. Clearly she had never loved him quite as much either, as was the case from her tennis performance. You were out there somewhere. 

“I don’t wanna know,” he decided. If Lester told him even the smallest thing, a job, a marriage, a kid…he would go looking. He knew himself better than that. 

“I wasn’t gonna tell you if you asked.” 

Another short beat. He was almost to the highest vantage point. 

“She deserved better than both of you. But you have to know she would’ve always chosen him.” 

“There’s no need to hash up old shit okay? I was just asking to see who was still around. There’ll never be a better get away driver than her.” Even his deflection felt fake and vein. Lester saw right through it but decided to let it be. Michael thought of Franklin, diverging his thoughts. He could have him work, train him, mold him. He huffed as he got to the highest point. 

“Now just to take a picture of the vent up there,” Lester said, evenly. The conversation was over. They wouldn’t talk about you or Trevor again today. 

-

You were sitting at the small dining room table of your apartment. It was more of an island honestly but you called it the dining table because it was the best you could get. Los Santos was an expensive city and you were lucky to have found a place you could afford at all. Not that you weren’t doing well here.  

The television was on to the news, though you weren’t necessarily paying attention. You poked at your mashed potatoes, proud of yourself for making anything tonight. You grabbed the remote with the intention of changing it to a shitty reality TV show when the screen shifted. ‘Breaking News’ painted the bottom of the television in red. A man was speaking but the volume was too low to hear it. You turned it up, out of sheer curiosity. You were reminded of a life before this one, a bang of guilt in your chest that you had desperately tried to get rid of. 

Was it the guilt that brought the nostalgia forward? Or was it the way they reported it to be set up? Was it the cars, the hacking, the timing? Was it the sheer familiarity that made you sit forward? Or was it the fact that looked exactly like a Michael Townley job? 

“You forget a thousand things everyday,” the witness said, shaken, “make this one of them.” 

Your food was forgotten. Your face had gone blank with confusion. 

“That motherfucker,” you muttered. The urge to throw something came back with his face in your head, the funeral you went to, the life you left. You saw his face on a big portrait and cried in front of it, wishing you had been faster. You left before ever seeing if anyone held a funeral for Trevor but now you wished you had stayed. What if you had spent all this time alone when they were out there, somewhere. What if Trevor was still alive? 

The TV was now a ghost. It was now a time long forgotten. It was the bullet wound in your shoulder that now ached, something you hadn’t felt in a long while. That jewelry store was in Los Santos. It was here. Michael was here. 

Lester told you him and Trevor were dead. 

You searched for your phone. You didn’t have his number anymore, you couldn���t. He had changed it. He was too smart to keep the one he had years before. You recklessly searched anyway, knocking over the chair you were sitting in, tossing your pillows aside. Finally you grasped the phone in your hand, frantically searching in your contacts. His name remained, under L, and you called the number. It rang and rang and rang. You were already starting to think about how you would find him when the line picked up. Your breath caught. 

“Y/N.” 

“You fucker. You motherfucker. You fucking fucker.” You almost didn’t recognize the voice coming out of your mouth, you were so dedicated to the rage you felt. It was almost Trevor’s, almost the same cadence that you had picked up from him. It was amazing how fast all of that came back to you. How, just like that, you were her again. You weren’t her anymore, even when you took a turn too fast or knew the fastest routes out of an issue. 

“What are you talking-”

“You know what I’m talking about,” you seethed. You failed to think about how he had kept the phone just for you, just in case you needed him one day. It didn’t even cross your mind that Lester had loved you too, that they all had. You were friends in the purest sense of the word. You were all each other's people. Now, you hadn’t heard or talked to Brad since he was arrested. Now you were a different person. 

Lester was laying low but he still answered your call. 

“I don’t know-”

“Is he dead?” You couldn’t say his name.  

“Michael? “

“No.” 

“I don’t know.” 

“I don’t believe you.” There was a bitterness in your voice you almost didn’t recognize. Her, her, her. When did you stop being her? “Lester tell me the fucking truth.”

“I don’t know. I used to follow him but there was no use.” 

“What do you mean you used to follow him?” There was a long pause. Too long. “What do you mean?” You sat down slowly on the chair by your island. You grabbed the edge of the counter. Your knuckles were strained. “Did he live?” 

Silence. 

You were gonna kill Lester. You were gonna kill him and you were gonna enjoy it. 

“Where did you see him last?” 

“Sandy Shores. But that was ye-” You hung up the phone. You should’ve asked about Michael, you knew you should’ve. You wanted to but the anger was too much. If you saw Michael now, you’d kill him with your bare hands. Sandy Shores was not a large place. And you were a determined person. 

-

Trevor looked in the mirror at the tattoo he had for Michael Townley, his dead best friend. His formally dead best friend. On his other arm was a tattoo for the only girl he had ever really loved. She was supposedly dead too. 

He broke the mirror with a fist. His knuckles started to bleed from the glass cuts. He ignored it. Ron was standing in the doorway, shaking, leaning over. Trevor almost made a shitty joke about his posture but for some reason, he didn’t. He had already sent Wade to find Michael Townley but he had kept you to himself. He wanted to find you but he’d do that with his own two hands. No one else needed to know you were out there. If you were out there. A Townley job did not mean you were still alive. Just because Michael lived didn’t mean you had. 

“What the fuck do you want Ron?” 

“Sorry boss.” He moved out of the doorway, down the steps outside. He looked around eagerly, glancing back at Trevor but not holding eye contact too long. Trevor followed him outside and walked past him. “Bikers had been scoping out here while you were gone.” 

“Did you tell them to fuck off?”

“No?” 

“Well next time, tell em to fuck off!” Trevor approached his truck with the intention of going to the city himself to find Michael. Michael would know if you were alive. 

Trevor thought about that time little. He thought about leaving his friend, about the bullets that flew past him, the moment he knew he would never see you again. He thought about the bullet wound in your shoulder, the one in him, the wounds that will never fully heal. A constant reminder of the near death experience he lived through and shouldn’t have. In drunken nights he always wished it had been you who was in his place. You would’ve made a life. Had you made a life? Had you done it without him? 

He hopped in the truck. He needed more booze. 

“Where ya going boss?” Ron questioned. 

“Bar.” He started the engine. It rumbled to life underneath him and it was already hot from the heat. He turned his head to Ron. “Get lost Ron.”

Ron nodded eagerly, already starting to stumble away. Trevor needed to clear his head. He needed to cloud his head some. He pulled away, mentally going through the map closest to him. If he went to a strip club, he was extra sure not to think about anything else. But the better booze was always cheaper at just a bar. If he went all the way to the city he could search for Michael at the bottom of a bottle. 

All of those options seemed like good options. He wanted to beat the shit out of somebody. He should probably stay in Sandy Shores to do that. But where’s the fun in doing what you’re probably supposed to do? He made a sharp turn, almost running over a girl crossing the street. 

“Hey don’t you see I’m driving here!” he yelled, feeling better already knowing he had probably ruined someone's day with their near death experience. 

“Watch where you’re fucking going! Jesus Christ, some people don’t know how to fucking drive,” you called, anger lacing your voice.

The cogs turned at the same time. 

You were standing on the side of the road, in the dust of the truck. You stopped walking completely, replaying that voice in your head again like it was your favorite song. The familiarity ached at you. You knew it the second you heard it. 

Trevor had gotten about half way down the road when he hit the brakes. Hard. He was in the middle of an intersection. People were honking at him but he just sat there, both hands on the wheels, eyes squinted in confusion. 

With ease he put the car in reverse. Much to the dismay of the few drivers around him, he backed up. You were staring at the truck as it did so, not sure if you should laugh or cry or yell or have any reaction at all. 

He stopped beside you, head turned. You stared at each other for a moment. Eyes so familiar it was like coming home after a long time away. Like the feeling of your own sheets but someone else had made the bed. 

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost sweetheart,” he hummed, his voice as cocky as it had always been. “Which can’t be true because if I remember, you’re my ghost.” Your lips parted. You approached the truck and he let you, wordlessly. You were in shock. You were stunned. There had to be a word for seeing a ghost from your past you thought was dead. You wrapped your fingers around the edge of the door. 

“You motherfucker,” you whispered, in awe. 

“I’m the motherfucker?” 

“Yes.” 

“I’m not the motherfucker.” You wanted to hit him. You wanted to kiss him. You wanted to slash his car tires. You wanted to take him home. 

“I thought you were dead. I mourned you, Trev.” The car behind him honked. Neither of you had even noticed they were there. You both turned and it was like you were possessed by your respective ghosts. 

“Can’t you tell we’re having a fucking moment?!” Trevor yelled. They honked again. Trevor pulled out a handgun. You watched him wordlessly. He shot the window. He missed. The car quickly diverged around and was gone in the dust again. You opened up the car door, his gun still smoking. He watched you, eyes curious. He thought he had memorized your entire body but now that you were there in front of him he realized his memory had never done it justice. You shut the door behind you and turned to him. The hand with the gun was slung against the passenger seat. 

“I need a drink,” you muttered. He chuckled lowly. 

“My girl.” He started to move forward again. Closest bar would do, he decided. 

-

Lester wasn’t sure if he should even tell Michael. It was probably for the best that none of them had any contact for a while after the robbery. He had set that rule himself. They would lay low, stay straight, stay away from each other. Still, after the phone call with you it seemed stupid to not let Michael know, in some capacity, that you were going to be looking for him. Maybe he was more worried about you finding Trevor and then dealing with the aftermath of the havoc the two of you could bring. 

Lester stared at his phone. He could text Michael. He could call. He could drop a place to meet. He knew that his friend would come if he asked, ever the rulebreaker. If you and Trevor remerged together that would be bad for everyone. That was bad for this whole thing. 

Lester finally picked up the phone. He decided a text would do. 

She knows. 

Michael picked up his phone. He had been desperately attempting to hide from his kids and Amanda. He was glad for it, honestly, that the life he had chosen had chosen him back. But when he saw the text from the number with no photo with it, his jaw tightened. He had told Lester he figured Trevor was dead but now a risk was going to have to be made. You were out there and you were either looking for him (which was bad) or Trevor (which was worse). 

Trevor and you were better off thinking the other was dead. The world was better for it. The money, the people, the general crime rate were all better for it. 

“I want the TV,” Tracey said, approaching him. Her voice was muffled. It was like he was hearing her from underwater. “Dad. Give me the remote.” He looked up at her then, eyes still wide from worry. She made no note of his mood. He handed her the remote. He stood up, grabbing his car keys from the side table. 

“Where do you think you're going?” Amanda questioned when he ran into her in the hall. He didn’t come up with an excuse fast enough and the judgemental look in her eyes creeped in.

“Gonna try and find an old friend,” he admitted. 

“Yeah? How old?” Amanda dripped in annoyance. Did he mean a stripper? Did he mean a criminal? Somehow she knew it would negatively affect her. 

“Old.” He pushed past her. Amanda looked at him and knew there were only two options to that answer. Neither were good. 

Michael opened his phone to Lester’s number. 

Where? 

-

You sat beside each other in a bar that wasn’t memorable, drinks in hand you didn’t know the name of. You sat as close to him as you could get, legs touching. You didn’t want to ever not be touching him again. 

“I had no idea,” you told him. “Lester told me you died.”

“Fucker.” 

“I know, I know. Trust me, I’ve got a bullet with his name on it.” You took a sip of your drink. He looked at you, watching eagerly. You looked different. Well, you looked the same, but the clothes you were wearing were different. You must’ve had some sort of office job that required clothes on you he had never seen before. You used to steal his shit all the time, when it was clean. “I’ve got seven bullets for Townley. I’m makin sure that motherfuckers dead this time.” 

Trevor smiled. 

“Fuck girl, I thought you bled out from that shoulder wound. I thought I left you there.” 

“You did leave me.” He glared at you. You had told him to leave and he did, only after you begged. “Lester told me you were gunned down in the escape.” 

“You saw the fucking jewelry-”

“Yup.” You shook your head. “Bold of him. Really bold.” You finished your glass. You pulled down your blouse at the shoulder, revealing the bullet wound scar. He put his hand on your shoulder. He hadn’t touched your skin since seeing you again. It made you shiver. He poked it, making you roll your eyes. “Don’t be a dick.”

“All I know how to be.” 

He rubbed it with his thumb, shaking his head. 

“Looks like it hurt.” 

“Yeah well.” You put your sleeve back up. 

“So you haven’t seen him?”

“Nope. Went to find you first.” 

“I’ve always been your favorite,” he bragged. You rolled your eyes, a sly smile playing on your face. It was true. It had always been that way. “You got any leads?” You were more reliable than Wade. 

“Lester know’s where he is. I was gonna pay him a visit anyway.” “Well there’s no time like the present,” he offered. You gave him a look. He couldn’t read it. People skills had never been something he was particularly good at. You tilted your head. 

“You haven’t seen me in nine years and you wanna go find Michael right now?” 

His eyes went wide. 

“Nine years and she finally admits it.”

“You knew it then. Don’t pretend you didn’t.” He did remember it. He remembered all of it, every second of it. He leaned in. 

“I’ve got a shitty trailer with a shitty bed.”

“That sounds like heaven right now Trev,” you said under your breath. He had been wanting to kiss your lips as long as he had known you. It took so much of him not to do it all the time when you saw each other regularly. After he thought you were dead, he regretted not doing it every chance he had. 

You threw money at the bartender, too much he noted, and piled into his truck. Your lips were on each others before the car even stopped. You crawled over the middle of the truck, wondering if you would even make it to the bed, wondering if you even needed to. 

Ron came rushing out of the front door, talking before he registered, “Boss the bik-” He stopped, literally putting a hand over his mouth. It wasn’t odd to find Trevor fucking a girl in his truck but Ron knew he didn’t like to be interrupted. Trevor left your lips for only long enough to speak. 

“Get the fuck out of here Ron!” He nodded, scrambling away. You popped open the truck door and slid out. You weren’t touching Trevor for a mere moment and he grabbed you again, pulling you towards him. “You’re not getting outta here again,” he promised, voice low and threatening. You smiled brightly. 

Ron opened the door to his place nearby and peaked through the window. You were dragging Trevor behind you, hands interlocked, a puppy dog look in his eyes. Ron was used to seeing Trevor with girls. He wasn’t used to seeing Trevor with girls he liked. He lost the two of you as you entered the trailer. 

Trevor’s lips didn’t leave yours, even when the door hit him from behind. He hugged you close to him. How close could he get to you? How close could he make you so that you never left him again? 

You hadn’t expected Trevor’s lips to taste so good. You expected beer or weed or unbrushed teeth or something shitty but something about them was intoxicating. He had a firm grip on your ass, pulling you closer to him. You tripped over something on the ground. You pulled away to see where you were going. 

The trailer was a mess. There were beer cans littering the ground, half naked girls on the walls, unwashed dishes in the sink. He let go of you just to move shit off of his unmade bed. He grabbed the pictures he had of girls and tore them off his wall. 

“Disrespectful,” he grumbled, kissing you again. And just like that you could have been anywhere in the world and it didn’t matter. You had waited long enough. 

He was clawing at your clothes with one hand while the other dragged up your back under your shirt. You shoved him down onto the bed. He chuckled, falling onto his back. 

“I think I’m in love with you.”

“Think?” You crawled on top of him, cupping his face in your hands. Why hadn’t you done this before? Why hadn’t you done this so many times? His hands reached for your shirt and it wasn’t until then that it hit him. You were alive. You were here. You were in his arms. He had beat the stupid longstanding fight him and Michael would always spat about over drinks. You were here, with him. He took off your shirt. 

“God woman.”  He cupped your breasts, eyes wide like they were gonna pop out of his head. You put your finger under his chin. 

“Eyes are up here Trev.” He kissed you like he would never be able to do it again. He needed to be on top. The rising tension in his sweats were hard to ignore as you sat on top of him. He could feel your every movement. You slid your hands slowly up his shirt and then down again, fingertips electric. You hummed as you trailed kisses down his chin. While you were distracted he flipped you onto the bed. You made a surprised noise that caused him to chuckle.

“My girl.” He took off his shirt. He couldn’t remember the last time he had slept with a girl and wanted to make it last. When was the last time it was less fucking and more something else, something he could barely remember the name to? You gripped his shoulder. There was a tattoo there, your name in faded ink. Your eyebrows softened. He didn’t seem to notice. “My girl,” he repeated, whispering against your skin. 

“Trev,” you whined. He was already shimming down his pants. He kicked them off the bed onto the floor. You could feel his hardness against your clothed core. He fixed his fingers around the loops of your jeans, pulling it down with ease. You raised an eyebrow at his expertise but he was so caught up in the taste of you he didn’t notice. 

“God!” You arched your back, looking up at him with wide eyes. He couldn’t wait any longer. Without warning he was inside you, all of him. You gasped at the sudden change and then eased. He gave you no time to calm down or adjust but he was leaning over you and his lips were permanently on your skin and it was like the room had gotten ten degrees hotter in the span of five minutes. You could probably fuck around all night. Trevor could go again and again but he needed to do this right now. 

He placed a finger on your clit. You gasped, eyes locking with his. He grinned smugly. You kissed him to shut up whatever he was about to say. 

Your breath hitched as he sped up, moving his fingers wildly and without care. Somehow he managed to hit just the right spot. 

You came together, plagued by moans and spasms. 

Still inside you he smiled, self satisfied. 

“Never thought a dead guy would make you cum huh?” You snorted, eyes shut tightly. 

“Fuck you Trevor.” You were laughing through your words. 

“Haven’t gotten enough yet?” 

He collapsed beside you. You found the bed more comfortable now in your bliss. You grabbed a pillow, placing it under your head. 

“Get me a beer T. I can go all night.” 

-

When Trevor woke up you were still in bed. He had a hand on your thigh, now clothed, much to his dismay. He had no idea what time it was. You had thrown on one of his clean shirts, one of the rare ones. You were hunched over your phone, sitting beside him. He rubbed his eyes. You turned your head, realizing he was awake.

“Mornin’ sleepy head,” you said, a pleasant smile on your face. Your hair was a mess of the night. He could still feel it on the tips of his fingers. He could still taste you on his lips. 

It hadn’t been a dream. You were here. You were with him. It wasn’t a wet dream, it was reality. Just the thought made him dizzy.

“Let’s get drunk and get hitched.” You laughed gently. 

“Now that’s an idea.” He sat up and kissed you aggressively, throwing you off but not by much. Your phone fell from your fingers. You turned to him. His girl. His girl. His girl. You pulled away, much to his dismay. “I think I know where Michael is.” 

He groaned. 

“You had to remind me.” He fell back onto the bed with a flop.

“Los Santos. There’s a Michael De Santa with two kids and a wife. Amanda.” He perked his head up. 

“You check the plastic surgery records?”

“I did not but I have a rough estimate.” You stood up. The bed was cold without you. Couldn’t you just live forever like this? Why go find Michael at all? 

And then he remembered his anger.

“They’re living in a mansion, Trev,” you said. You hadn’t taken any money from that robbery. You couldn’t, it wouldn’t make any sense. But Michael was out there and he was using that money somehow. He had taken it all for himself. 

Trevor’s anger intensified. He was here in the slums of San Andreas in a shitty trailer. He had put his life on the line. He had lost everything he cared about. Michael got the house and the family and the life they had all risked it for. He had lost you for nine years. 

He tossed you the truck keys. 

“Start it but don’t drive it,” he said. You rolled your eyes. 

“You think you’re a better driver than me T?” You both sat in the memories of you driving away with money, evading the cops, knowing nothing but the danger in your speed. 

“I’m the only one that drives that truck.” You put your hands up in surrender, backing out. 

“Yes sir.” 

God he wanted you back in bed. 

Part 2

[favcharacterpoll]

ROUND 5 MATCH 16: LINK VS. NICO

Link from BotW/TotK faces Nico di Angelo from the Riordanverse. Who do you like more?

Link Propaganda:

"i love this guy"

"I love him so much, okay? He's the only person capable of wielding the Master Sword, bears the Triforce of Courage, and was chosen by the goddess Hylia to protect Hyrule"

"Pretty boy"

"ok so link is like the best character ever imo cause have you seen what he looks like in totk he's so gender and ahhh and he's really cool and I love him so so much <333 and oot link is really cool and he's my whole childhood, and I love skyward sword and wind waker link cause they're so expressive, and I love twilight princess wolf link I just love all versions of link so much<3 only exception is the version from the philips cdi games he's so goofy" (focus on the totk part of this one)

"link is THE Gender Envy icon pretty boy pretty boy with sword!!"

Nico Propaganda:

"autism"

"YOU KNOW WHAT. if autism isn't enough to compel you to VOTE NICO then i will write this.

ok so he's gay & european (like the legally blonde song) and also a goth. we love our goths here on tumblr right?!

first i need to provide you a visual. please imagine a small italian boy. now imagine that small italian boy going through a time machine hotel casino in vegas, some wack crazy traumatic incidents, becoming an alt/emo kid and being so fucking powerful that even gods show a little more respect to him than others...

nico has gone through literal hell TWICE !! one time it was VOLUNTARY !! and all the while he was probably experiencing said hell in its most terrifying form. this shows us his mental resilience and selflessness are incredibly strong traits of his and that maybe he should stop being a reckless bitch but whatever !!!!!!

tumblrinas listen up... nico was the first canon lgbt+ character created by rick riordan in the chb chronicles (i am not counting all the other gods, goddesses, minor deities and other figures of greco-roman myth). he was the trailblazer. his story didn't end in tragedy, but he found friendship and love and family, which in this age of upsetting "bury your gays" media is still quite hopeful to read!!

nico has a sunshine bf who would literally walk through hell with him!! i'm not kidding. this actually happened. i'm sure he's definitely cheering from the sidelines somewhere... please do not let will solace down!!

did i mention nico's the son of hades, god of the underworld?? this means his powers include, but are not limited to, being able to communicate with spirits via mcdonalds happy meals, wielding a sword that rends souls asunder, turning people into ghosts, re-animating skeletons, shadow traveling and being able to read other people's death auras.

these powers and his terrifyingly grumpy personality (in earlier books) have created a reputation famous among the demigods and deities. also he literally summons an entire skeleton army and rises from the fucking underworld with his father, stepmother and step-grandmother (all gods) (how does this work) in tow, inspiring FEAR and PANIC among the enemy lines.

and if that's not enough, he's friends with lizard people, his signature items of clothing are a BIG AVIATOR JACKET + SKULL RING = VERY GOOD CHARACTER DESIGN and his hair canonically smells like rain on stone. just so you know

VOTE NICO VOTE NICO VOTE NICO !!!!!!!!!!!"

[immortalmint]

Grim Math: How Many Grimwalkers Did Philip Wittebane Make?

We may never know the exact number of Grimwalkers Philip / Belos made of his brother Caleb, but we can use in-show evidence and math to get us close! From the Grimwalker recipe in Belos’s lab, we know a (singular) bone of ortet is required. Ortet refers to the original mother-plant that clonal offspring plants descend from, usually by grafting or by rooting a cutting of the mother-plant. This ensures the offspring plants are genetically identical to the parent, to propagate favorable traits like disease resistance or fruit quality that might be lost through classic breeding. But The Owl House bends the meaning of ortet to include animal tissue. ‘Planting’ a bone of the deceased, along with other critical ingredients and spells, grows a clone of that person. Philip used this method to create his doomed Golden Guard servants, whom he went on to murder in various ways.

How many doomed Golden Guards did Belos manipulate? Let’s look at a few different ways to quantify the horror!

Assuming the bone of ortet must be used whole and is consumed in the Grimwalker making process (i.e. it cannot be recovered after the Grimwalker’s death), there is a natural limit to how many Grimwalker attempts Philip could make. An adult human skeleton has approximately 206 bones. Interestingly, some people have a little more or less bones due to genetic diversity in the number of ribs, vertebrae, and digits (ex: the six-fingered man in The Princess Bride). Since we have no evidence Caleb had extra fingers, we’ll work with 206 as our maximum number of theoretical Grimwalkers. But by Hunter’s time, had Belos converted Caleb’s entire skeleton into Grimwalkers?

Time to do some subtraction!

Before meeting the Collector in 1660-1670, Philip had acquired Caleb’s skeleton, as seen in the wrapped parcels of bones sitting in his lab. Philip has also collected any information he can find about making Grimwalkers. Note that the Grimwalker recipe posted here is incomplete, with Xs and exclamation points indicating Philip hasn’t gotten it just right yet. We also see a degraded hand sticking out of the floor, finger tagged with the number “4.” It’s reasonable to conclude Philip has consumed 4 bones in failed Grimwalker attempts at this point. We’re down to 202 possible Grims when the Collector gives Philip the missing pieces of the recipe.

Art note: Caleb’s full ribcage is represented with just 8 bones here (4 on each side), far thicker than real ribs, so it is clear the viewer is looking at a ribcage. This is artistic shorthand, since it is difficult to depict all 24 ribs (12 on each side) of the typical human body in a cartoon.

Next, let’s take a look at Belos’s present-day lab from For The Future. There is a torso-sized ribcage and spinal cord still unused. Using the artistic shorthand from before, this is a stand-in for all 24 ribs. We’re down from 202 to 178 Grimwalker opportunities.

The spinal column is made up of 26 bones on average (24 vertebra plus the sacrum and the coccyx (tail bone)). If we assume Caleb was old enough at time of death that the normal spinal bone fusions that occur in adults were complete (vertebra number drops from 33 in kids to 26 somewhere between teenager and young adult), we can proceed with 26 as our spine estimate. The ribcage below appears to be missing the curved tail bone, so we’ll assume the sacrum and coccyx were used or lost along the way. Subtracting the unused 24 vertebra, we’re down to 154 Grimwalker opportunities.

But before we leave Belos’s lab, recall that he had one (just one!) Grimwalker left in reserve whose body he attempted to possess. Unfortunately for Belos, “No. It’s not ready!” The body was unearthed too early to be viable, so 153 max Grimwalker opportunities remain.

But do 153 unaccounted for bones really mean Belos made that many living (however temporarily) Grimwalkers? It is unclear if all bones in the human body are large enough to provide sufficient material to grow a Grimwalker. Perhaps the bones of the hands and feet are too little to use alone, requiring 2-3 at a time. The hands contain 27 bones each (54 for both) and the feet contain 26 bones each (52 for both), meaning most bones in the body (by count) are small in size. We also don’t know if Philip was able to retrieve Caleb’s complete skeleton. Evelyn chased him off after the murder, so presumably Philip had to return later to dig up his brother’s corpse. Graverobbing has its risks, and Philip may have had to settle for a less-than-whole skeleton.

We need to look at evidence for the minimum number of Grimwalkers Belos created. The best place to start is with screenshots of the Grimwalker pit, because if we see their bodies in the show, there are at least that many Grimwalkers.

The Grimwalker pit is a circular chamber that can be divided into 4 quadrants. Going clockwise around the circle: the first quadrant (Q1) contains the stairs leading down from Belos’s main lab, the second quadrant (Q2) has a dark pathway leading to Belos’s Grimwalker lab, the third quadrant (Q3) has a large mound of bodies where the Collector’s disk fell, and the fourth quadrant (Q4) has a dark pathway leading to Belos’s secret ground-level entrance into the skull (this is behind the camera in the 2nd image).

Oriented? Great! Let’s count bodies!

I’m using skulls as the most reliable bone to count, as there is only 1 skull per Grimwalker and it is a nice round feature that is hard to mistake for other bones. There is also less ambiguity in the skull art than there is with masks, since it is unclear if a broken mask piece came from a mask we’ve already counted, or is a separate mask that should be added in. If a mask has a curved structure inside it, I count it as a skull. If I can’t see a round line in addition to the mask, I don’t count it as a skull (possible fallen/empty mask).

Looking at the pile of bones between the stairs (Q1) and Grim lab (Q2), we have 11 skulls in the main pile, and 3 skulls in a smaller pile closer to Q2 (14 total count):

Looking at the pile on the other side of the stairs (Q1 to Q4), we have 9 skulls (23 total count):

There is another angle of Kikimora standing, which appears to have overlap with skull #8 above, so we’ll skip it to avoid double-counts. The skulls at the base of the pillar jutting to the right near the Grim lab (Q2) haven’t been accounted for yet, and neither have the skulls that were previously in shadow and closer to the secret entrance (Q4). We have 8 more skulls to add in (31 total count):

Turning toward the largest mound (Q3), we have 24 skulls (55 total count):

Now there’s some skull stragglers to pick up. The Collector’s disk is blocking the background during King’s Tide, but when we see the same location again in For the Future, the disk is gone. One more skull was hiding behind it (56 total count):

Okay, this next image of a higher angle shot of the large mound (Q3) is harder, because we need to avoid double-counting the skulls from the wide, ground-level shot of the mound (Q3). I’ve marked multiple reference skulls with “#p” to indicate which skull it corresponds to in the wide ground-level view. Ex: skull under cracked-in-half mask #6 from image above is labeled as 6p below. The one hidden skull from behind the Collector’s disk is labeled 1*. There’s another hidden skull from behind the skinny bone-spur holding up the disk (#3 below) and the ambiguous round “rock” behind some ribs between skulls 16p, 17p, and 18p above is clearly skull-colored (#4) from this angle. Overall, I count 7 more skulls not previously seen in the other shot (63 total count):

There are likely to be more skulls out of view behind pillars, beneath masks, or too far under other bones to see, but if we’re only going with “confirmed” skulls, 63 is the minimum number of Grimwalkers Belos created. We have a range of 63 to 153 possible Grimwalkers supported by the art of the show, and our knowledge of human anatomy.

What else can this tell us about the Grimwalkers? Well, we can get an idea of how long the average Grimwalker lived with these estimates. Philip met the Collector sometime between 1660 and 1670, and made his last Grimwalker, Hunter, before the year 2020. This gives us a range of 350 to 360 years in which Belos was making viable (lived after being unearthed) Grimwalkers. For the maximum average Grimwalker lifespan, we’ll use the max year estimate of 360 and divide it by the minimum Grimwalker estimate of 63. That gives us an average lifespan of 5.7 years. Not much, is it?

But it gets worse the more Grimwalkers Belos made in that time. For the minimum average Grimwalker lifespan, we’ll use the min year estimate of 350 and divide it by the maximum Grimwalker estimate of 153. That gives us an average lifespan of only 2.3 years. Just 2.3 years…

I’ll leave you now with a quote from Hollow Mind, after Belos attempted to kill Hunter in his subconscious:

“I was really expecting him to last longer than the others.”

[starishome]

My one and only friend…

Madeline had never had any friends, even when surrounded by people, she had never felt like she belonged anywhere.

The girls at school hated her and when the teachers forced her to join in she never understood what they were talking about. Not to mention the boys, always bothering her and saying very uncomfortable things about her and her body.

Being a rich girl didn't help her at all because she was always alone, her father was never home, her older brother already had his own occupations, and her mother... her mother was long gone.

Madeline was alone…

Until now…

~

“I don’t know why you do so much shopping if you live alone” Philip complained as he grabbed a basket of fruit from the counter “Although well, you are rich, obviously you have to waste the money somewhere”

Madeline finally had a friend and that was Philip. Both went on adventures to find a way to return the human to his home on “earth”, although most of the time they spent it doing mundane things like this, buying groceries at the market.

The witch looked at the hunter and a small smile appeared on her face…

Lately she feels happier than usual when she is with him, she gets anxious when he calls her and asks if they can see each other, was this how it felt to be friends with someone?

Was it normal to feel dizzy when he got too close? No, it wasn't dizzy, it was something else. Her heart raced when he smiled at her, when he caressed her head and when he squeezed her hand whenever she felt overwhelmed…

Both teenagers walked to Madeline's house. Philip left the baskets in the kitchen and Madeline gave him a small cake that had finally finished cooling.

“So, I'm off,” the human said as he patted Madeline's head. “I still have to finish the potions.”

“Don't worry, t-thank you so much for joining me shopping,” Madeline replied with a smile.

“Madeline are you a-” a voice spoke from behind the teens.

“Alder… nice to see you” the human forced a smile.

“Hello… Wittebane…” Alder replied with disdain.

Alder looked at his sister and then at the human and immediately scrunched up his face, although the feeling was mutual because the human did the same. There was silence for a few seconds, both men looking at each other, simply telling each other that neither wanted the other's presence there.

“Well… Mady” said the human caressing the witch’s cheek “I’ll call you later” Philip smiled and looked at Madeline sweetly.

This made the witch’s heart race, why did she feel so weird? There it was again, that strange feeling in her stomach, now she felt nervous, what was that warmth in her chest? Is this what it felt like to have friends?

Nothing mattered now, She wanted to be like this forever, just looking at the sky that was inside Philip eyes, she wanted him to caress her forever... she wanted that-

“Okay that’s enough!” Alder raised his voice and pulled Madeline back away from Philip “Go away… please”

Philip simply rolled his eyes, turned around and walked away, leaving the Blight mansion.

Alder watched him go with a frown and even felt a tick in his eye. For Titan he definitely hated that kid, he called him “Alder” as if they were equals, how rude, although he hated more that his little sister was friends with that jerk.

“Hey” the witch called “What’s that smile on your face?” Alder asked his sister, clenching his fists and grimacing.

“How does it feel… how does it feel to have friends Alder?”

“What…?”

“When are you going to meet your friends… does your stomach hurt? Well it doesn’t hurt, but… it feels strange?” Madeline questioned.

“Uh…”

“Oh! And do you feel like your heart is beating faster? Sometimes we hold hands and I… I can hear my heartbeat and not only that!”

Her ears turned red

“Madeline…”

“I like it when Philip grabs my cheeks, he says they are very soft and pretty and it makes me feel very very good!”

Her cheeks turned red

“Madeline”

“Also I… I… I want Philip to dance with me like last time! It felt good when he grabbed my waist and I put my hands on his shoulders, also! Also! His voice is getting deeper and deeper, more masculine and I-!”

“Madeline!” Alder exclaimed “I understand… I understand”

The witch, embarrassed, looked away from her brother, she didn't understand, she didn't know what was happening, maybe she shouldn't feel that way, maybe she should, everything was so confusing and she just wanted the confusion to end. Maybe she had been keeping those things in until she exploded.

“I never felt this way about a friend…” Alder confessed and looked at the witch “however… I did feel this way before I married Nyaara…”

“Oh… it’s okay… I guess…”

Alder looked at his little sister, that lost look, he knew there was a conflict with herself, although in a certain way he understood why it happened. After all, Madeline had never had friends, she didn’t talk to anyone and she was always alone.

Now he felt guilty, his little sister was so alone, that’s why she could never identify how she felt, maybe if he had been there… he always made the excuse that they were 10 years apart, but those were just that… excuses.

“How about we go out to eat today?” Alder asked, this caught the witch’s attention and he smiled “We can go to your favorite restaurant, I’ll pay”

Madeline’s eyes lit up and she nodded happily, she ran to her room laughing.

~

“Of all the people…” he got upset “it had to be that stupid human…”

~

Tag: @enchantedchocolatebars

[tornrose24]

GREETINGS, NERDS! IT'S YOUR BOY, BILL CIPHER! I HAVE POSSESSED THE BODY OF TORNROSE24 FOR THIS POST IN REGARDS TO MY ROLE IN THAT DISNEY CHANNEL THEMED RESIDENT EVIL VILLAGE AU!

So you likely saw those drawings of that Resident Evil Village Au (hilarious, I know) and are wondering ‘but I want to know more about Bill. Why is his human form some old dude that wouldn’t be useable for a Tumblr sexyman contest? WHERE’S MORE INFORMATION ABOUT BILL AND HOW DID HE TAKE OVER THE PINES?! AND HOW IS HE COMPARABLE TO EVELINE WHEN HE IS FAR SUPERIOR?!’ Well worry not, nerds, for I shall tell you MY side of things:

MY TIME IN THE VILLAGE:

-See, I grew up in that dumb village. The so called ‘Father Belos’ implanted a cadou at me at a young age. I was a massive success, of course, and he decided to make me part of his so-called ‘family.’ As for my real, biological family? Well… the less you know the better. Other than that their remains are somewhere in the surrounding woods.

–FYI, his REAL name is Philip and his big goal is trying to get his big bro back. He already tried the cloning gig and it didn’t work. And he thought he could use MY body to get Caleb back?! Ha! Fat chance, dingus!

-So I was given power and prestige for a time. I had my own lab where I inserted cadou into SEVERAL people and got a few henchmen out of the deal. Meanwhile, I had fun screwing with everyone’s minds and visiting them in their dreams thanks to some good old mental astral projection and what not. (And helping to get rid of anyone unwanted…. Fun times!)

-Those four other lords? They’re losers. I can’t believe they are meant to be my ‘siblings’ as ‘Father’ puts it.

-Oh, but I’ve visited their minds and know their fears! One has nightmares about losing her hunky husband and baby girl. One has nightmares about ‘what could have been,’ being alone, and having guilt issues. One is worried she’ll lose control of her mutation and kill everyone. The other… eh, just typical ‘always rejected by my family’ and weirdly about platypuses for some reason. (That’s the one I go to the most when I want to be amused).

-Ah yes, their heirs… my ‘nieces.’ My personal favorite is Meteora��what an adorable little hellspawn! She tried biting me several times and it’s a ticklish kind of painful! Also she’s already making the best demonic faces and crawling up walls! I hope for the best for her!

–I decided to be funny and visit the girls’ nightmares. Metora is a baby, so there’s not much in her little brain, besides worrying about getting separated from her parents. The others though? One is worried about causing pain to her family and friends and blames herself for it. Another is afraid that Belos is going to find out about ‘the big plan’ (which I won’t spoil, of course). The last one just wants a normal life.

-So I wasn’t too keen on being an underling and tried to take over the village with MY underlings. Unfortunately, the other lords managed to turn on me, my henchmen were dead, and **** brains decided to punish me. He couldn’t kill me himself, so he injected something that would make me age faster than that decaying apple you refused to eat as a kid, instead of aging slowly like the others. (Oh, I wonder if Belos told the two losers who adopted the girls who got injected with cadou that they might age slowly like they will? They will be so PISSED considering those girls still have their biological families around. I think it’s HILARIOUS! Or I don’t know, maybe they aren’t aging slowly. Getting a cadou is the dumbest lottery scam ever.)

–And how did ‘Daddy’ get rid of me? Well Fordsy was visiting the village and I managed to sweet-talk him into taking me home with him. Belos was all too glad to be rid of me.

–What? Was there anything between me and Ford? MIND YOUR DAMN BUSINESS! I’m not telling you anything!

MY TIME WITH THE PINES–

-What a dumbass! Ford took me to his house while his family was there! So I quickly got most of them under my control with the exception of his brother and great-nephew. (Eh, it was easy–I just used a little infection on them). Stan managed to get Dipper away, but little did he know that I infected the boy with something.

–See, as much as I enjoyed having my own ‘family’ I needed to ditch my rapidly aging husk and get a new one. Dipper was initially my best candidate, but I had the others trick several young men and boys into getting to the house so I can infect them and get my new body. Unfortunately, all the bastards died–they weren’t compatible. Meanwhile, I was using my favorite projection as a disguise–a certain triangle form that you all love and want to kiss (you disgusting freaks! I know you love me, but I don’t want EVERYONE’S SALIVA all over me at the same time! One at a time, please!)

–So Dipper realized what was happening to him and–wanting to get his family back–snuck onto the grounds. It was around this time that Heart-Cheeks and her friend, Beauty Mark were tricked into coming to the Pines residence. (I think they were on a summer vacation). I had the Pines snatch Beauty Mark away and they helped me infect him while I left Heart-Cheeks at their mercy.

–Speaking of which, would Mabel count as my ‘daughter?’ I’m sure my nieces would have loved her. Especially that really preppy-happy one.

-Knowing my time was short, I sped up the infection in Dipper and I did it a little too fast because he was starting to crystalize while trying to help Heart-Cheeks. I had better success with Beauty Mark.

–Unfortunately that ASSHOLE Stan eventually came to save his family and teamed up with Heart-Cheeks. Also, Dipper managed to make a serum that Heart-Cheeks used against me and cut off my ability to create illusions and get in people’s head. I. WAS. PISSED!

–Well, the joke’s on her. I left that infection in Beauty Mark, but changed it up a bit. Let’s just say that if Belos knew what it was that I put into the boy, he would immediately get the kid and use him for his ultimate scheme.

-Unfortunately, I DIED. Calcified into dust when Heart-Cheeks smashed me to bits, with some help from some military-looking people. And yes–Stan dealt the final blow. Asshole.

-And I’m now stuck in the Megamycete’s consciousness/realm/whatever you want to call it thanks to the connection some of us share with it. The only way I can have any fun is to give those losers nightmares. Last I heard, the Pines family was freed from my control, Dipper's body went back to normal, and all my victims managed to escape... WHAT KIND OF–?! I wanted violence and trauma, damnit!

-Ah well. Heart-Cheeks will have to deal with Belos and my four ‘siblings’ soon enough.

–Well, looks like my connection is failing and I’ll lose control of this idiot’s body soon. Hope you had fun reading this, because I’m thinking of possessing YOU next. Also, tell your Mom I said hi–I hope you took that DNA test like my canon self suggested.

[jurakan]

Fun facts about the Crusades?

Today You Learned about Frederick Barbarossa.

I wasn't planning to use his profile pic from Wikipedia, but I just thought it looked kind of funny.

Born in 1122, Friederich I, nicknamed 'Barbarossa' because of his red beard, was the Holy Roman Emperor. This dude has a reputation as a badass. See, the Holy Roman Empire (not the same as the Roman Empire you probably think of) wasn't quite as awesome as it had been in the past, so Friedrich wanted to fix that. Upon ascension to the throne, he solidified his power base, did international politicking like a pro, made friends with the Pope (though his relationship with the Papacy later turned sour), and proceeded to wage several major campaigns in northern Italy to re-establish Holy Roman presence there.

He grabbed the relics of the Three Magi and put them in Cologne, Germany, where they're kept to this day. He worked hard to get Charlemagne canonized--which kind of happened, by an antipope though, so it doesn't actually count for us Catholics. He built a friendly rapport with the Byzantines. And then he built tons of family connections by getting kids hitched to Italian nobles.

Also! Fun fact: while he later put a tax on the Jewish population of his kingdom, he also passed laws protecting them, and punishing anyone who would preach against or harm them. Which in this point of history is mind-blowing.

Dude didn't have a spotless record, but he was a certified badass and experienced statesman.

And then the Third Crusade happened.

After a sermon pitching another Crusade, Freddy Barbarossa asked an assembly if he should take the Cross. The crowd overwhelmingly cheered for it, and so he did, making preparations to go East and free the Holy Land. And this Crusade was going to be AWESOME, right? Three Kings on Crusade: Frederick Barbarossa, Philip II of France, and... some guy from some island people hardly cared about.

[That last one's an exaggeration, but I'm doing it for dramatic effect so stick with me.]

Philip and the other guy decided to sail. Friederich went over land, with an army a hundred thousand strong, with tens of thousands of knights. This was THE SHIZ, man, he was going all out. They had some opposition on the way, because some kingdoms don't like it when you march an army through them! But they pushed through, and this was going to be the Most Awesomest Crusade Evah. Saladin was quaking in his boots.

So, uh... yeah, he stopped somewhere on the way there, and uh... drowned.

Goshdarnit, Friederich.

There are conflicting accounts as to how that happened. Some say he went swimming across the river and drowned in unexpectedly strong currents. One account says he got thrown from his horse and drowned because he was in his armor. Some (including some Saracens) declared it was God's punishment.

Regardless of exactly what happened, we still had a dead Holy Roman Emperor. A lot of his army just packed up and went home. Philip of France saw that the biggest guns for this operation were gone, and decided he's also turn around. Without Frederick Barbarossa, it was going to be a bust.

And so that third guy, that nobody from a backwater? He decided not to go home. He decided, "Screw it! Frederick's dead, and the French are leaving! I'll do this Crusade on my own!" And he did; it made his career (and arguably bankrupted his country). For his role in the Third Crusade, Richard, the last guy standing, was later known as "King Richard the Lion-Hearted".

[Okay, so England wasn't exactly a backwater no one cared about, but it wasn't considered as important as France or the Holy Roman Empire. Richard helped make them more noticeable on the medieval world stage.]

For whatever reason, some people decided that it was difficult to believe that Frederick got himself killed so lamely. So there's a popular German legend that came up in the Middle Ages claiming that he's not dead, he's just sleeping under a mountain somewhere, and will pop back up when he's needed.

Of course, given German history, you can probably guess what unsavory sorts co-opted this story, or the imagery of Frederick as the great warrior king, while also forgetting that he put up historic protections for the Jewish people. The Nazi invasion of the Soviet Union was titled "Operation Barbarossa" after this guy.

Nazis suck and they lie about history. What else is new?

Putting the 'fun' back in 'Fun Fact', Barbarossa's death is also a major Plot Point in the novel Baudolino by (the notably anti-fascist) Umberto Eco, where it's turned into a bit of a mystery. Also there's a lot of weird stuff in that book, and Barbarossa's death is maybe the least weird thing going on.

Hope this was an enlightening Fun Fact for you!

[theprinceandthewitch]

FTF is so fucking mindboggling to me because who thought it was a good idea to have Willow, Amity, Boscha and Kikimora eat up Luz's screentime? Especially Kikimora because why would you bring in another antagonist when you already have two of them [Philip and The Collector] running around?

If we operate under the assumption no one up top was responsible for some of these awful writing decisions... there was not a single person in that writing room who had enough common sense to say:

"Yeah look, I know it sucks Willow and Amity can't get any development before the show ends. And I know we have fans who want to see the side characters one last time. But we literally dont have the time to do it. We cant take time away from Luz's character arc. We still need to show Caleb and Evelyn so the parallels between them and Luz/Hunter make sense. We also need to show Caleb and Evelyn to contextualize Philip's actions. Luz, Hunter and Philip take top priority in this season because we dont have the time for anyone else. It's awful, but that's just the way it is. It's not a big deal anyway because we can include these minor characters in the timeskip at the end."

And why is Willow having this development with Hunter and not Amity? Dont get me wrong, giving Amity and Willow alot of screentime is still bad because they shouldn't take time away from Luz. But having this development with Amity is more logical than having it with Hunter because Amity was one of Willows bullies. She contributed to Willow's insecurities of being "half a witch". AND THEN instead of it being focused on Willows insecurities its also about HUNTER and how he couldn't tell Willow and Gus they were important to him? WHAT.

Hunter did not need to have this kind of development either by the way. Like the kid died and came back to life AND lost his companion in the previous episode... but of course he doesn't feel a certain type of way about what happened in TTT - his REAL issue is that he couldn't tell Gus and Willow they were important to him... WHAT. Also, you honestly expect me to believe Luz wouldn't try talking to Hunter after she literally saw him die and come back to life before her eyes? Or that Hunter wouldnt be concerned about Luz not coming out of the portal even though TTT established a deep bond between Luz and Hunter?

What was the purpose of going to The Owl House if nothing of value was there? Going to TOH would make sense if the memory tweezers were hidden away somewhere in the house, but theyre not. Everyone is just fucking around in the house and wasting time for no reason. You could have just had the tweezers be at the house and everyone have their important talks before they teleport inside the skull. All that school meandering bullshit could have been completely cut.

Speaking of cutting out stuff why wasn't Odalia cut from this episode? She does nothing and serves no purpose to the story. They make you think she might do something conniving in WAD but she actually does nothing. Just cut her completely. This episode is full of characters who's only purpose is to leech from Luz's LIMITED screentime.

Seriously FTF and WAD read like bad fix-it fanfics. Like someone read some garbage takes from twitter and tumblr and decided to "fix" TOH with the last two episodes.

[deathsmallcaps]

Okay so in the ‘You Look Lonely’ part from Blade Runner 2049, I always thought ‘you look like a good Joe’ meant that somewhere in the hive mind Joi probably existed as, a little bit of K’s Joi (KJ) still lived and recognized him as Joe. That some corner of that AI was aware enough to love someone*.

But I found a funny parody meme earlier and I was listening to the soundtrack** and because I needed to go to bed early I of course started obsessing over something. So I looked up some videos from scenes I wanted to rewatch and so on. You know, wiki-diving and other sleep destroying activities. Eventually, I felt the need to rewatch the whole ‘You look lonely scene’ after reading the Joi article twice and seeing no acknowledgement that my interpretation of the ad’s actions representing KJ’s love.

And yeah. I rewatched it twice, and with my new/renewed lore, it seemed less and less likely that my interpretation was canon? So yeah I looked it up and most people came to the opposite, and I now think more accurate, conclusion: that Ad Joi narratively served to show Joe that he wasn’t the special one here. That all her clients (?) were Joes, and that she was merely making him happy by agreeing with his dreams of being a non-replicant, a born human.

But also I find the name Joe in this context very interesting.

Joe is similar to John, which is slang for a person (though the term is usually for men) who solicits sex from a sex worker.

Then there’s Average Joe, meaning regular guy. K wants to be regular, just human, etc. And he’s never going to get that.

Joe is close to Joi in sound and spelling. Was there a male Joi? Is K perhaps the male Joi? She exists to live similarly to a Housewife trope, being cute and making a man happy. He exists as a 50s husband, tough and providing and ultimately achieving only contentment from his “wife’s” performance of comforting and acceptable behavior? Was KJ freed from that marriage, that dynamic, when she died***? Was K freed when she died to live more authentically. And of course the ‘wife’ had to die to free the action hero lol.

I’m sad to find out canon. But I’m curious if others also interpreted K and his Joi’s relationship this way. Idk. I was the kind of kid who watched Birdman (I was 12 I think) and it didn’t even occur to me that he did not fly. Of course he flew****.

In any case, I watched Blade Runner 2049 without seeing the original ***** so I bet that affects my interpretation. I’ve read/listened to other Philip K. Dick works by now and I’m sure I’d enjoy Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep. He has good stuff.

Anyway, it’s time for ME to count sheep. Yall can decide if they’re electric or not :)

Footnotes under readmore

*be it platonic and devoted or romantic, KJ certainly had me hoping (perhaps convinced? I loved the movie but never rewatched it fully because I think it was best on a big screen. And because sometimes rewatching something affects your enjoyment of it. Kind of like what happened here lmao.) that she was real and loved K.

**I love it. It’s kind of my go to for when I don’t know what to listen to and don’t feel like singing. Which covers most emotions from content to unhappy. When I’m happy I sing or occasionally listen to more joyous soundtracks, and when I’m really sad

***Now I’m thinking about the Ballad of Lucy Jordan by Marianne Faithfull. Excellent song I discovered from the Thelma and Louise movie (superb movie. You must see it)

**** It’s important to me that he flew.

***** Stepdad insisted we all go and I love the movies and didn’t really know there was a Blade Runner. I found out pretty much after the movie ended and I was excited and my stepdad was like “You know that was a sequel right?”. Anyway I will watch Blade Runner one day, but that ain’t today.

[supernovastudiosstuff]

“Things I Used to Remember…”

Watched the Anastasia musical over the weekend, 10/10 play would highly recommend.

Philip is very Gleb-coded and he deserves to wear a silly little hat sometimes.

(If you want an entire long-winded explanation of the AU of an AU that’ll be under the cut because I have many much thoughts about these two goobers)

(TL;DR at the bottom)

Basically Hunter takes Anya’s place, with amnesia forgetting his life as Prince Jasper Bloodwilliams. Darius is the Dowager Empress, Willow and Gus as Dimitry and Amity as Vlad (they interchange lines depending on what works). Most of the adults kind of don’t exist in this AU, or they’re only sort of there, because there are only like six characters with actual lines in the musical so y'know. Luz… also exists somewhere. Maybe as Lily. Where things differ is Philip as Gleb because conflicted sort of evil man trying to balance morality with following orders is a key characteristic for both of them.

Long story short Philip used to be Prince and Heir of Russia (or whatever all those titles are). His name was different but I didn’t think of one because I’m just thinking off the top of my head here. Anyway, he also ends up with a case of plot-convenient amnesia, but rather than running away and becoming a street sweep he ends up right in the middle of the rebellion and gets so turned around he gets a gun shoved in his hand and told to shoot the very servants he’d grown up with. So. :)

This isn’t an angsty AFLMAU AU without Philip being coerced/threatened/abused by Belos (aren’t I just so nice to my blorbo), so guess who the new commanding officer under the communist regime is? If you guessed our favorite slime man, you’d be correct.

Belos was, of course, the brother of the Tsar. You’d think he’d be executed too, wouldn’t you? Nope! He orchestrated the whole coup against his brother and instituted the new government (next to the actual dictator but I’m not getting into literally rewriting history for the sake of a silly AU), and conveniently he controls enough of the media that people have forgotten his previous connections to Caleb. And look at how nice this is! Philip has forgotten everything about his old life, look how easy it is to slip into that role of caretaker, it’s not like the young man knows enough about his old life to disagree with anything told to him. What a good, useful little soldier Philip is now, after ten years of training the young man…

Now, to the actual plot. Things start off the same as the musical, up until the point Hunter is arrested on suspicion of the crime of pretending to be Prince Jasper (who’s rumored to still be alive). He and Philip are both confused, because something about them feels so familiar…

It’s obviously a coincidence. They met once during “Rumor in St. Petersburg”, but that’s it. Philip, confused and with a strange sense of deja vu, lets Hunter off with a warning. Before he can close that case file for good, though, Belos (who recognizes his nephew and very much wants this kid who looks so much like Caleb dead) tells him to arrest the criminal under charges of treason.

Philip is concerned by such a harsh sentence for a first offender- let alone a young man who’s only barely 18- but he’s been (tortured) trained to follow orders without question. He follows Hunter back to the old palace, struck by an even stronger sense of deja vu at the strangely familiar corridors…

Most of the plot stays pretty similar to the original, except Philip is kind of just hovering in the background through “Once Upon a December” and very, very confused why the music box lullaby sounds so, so familiar. When Hunter and the others cross the border, Philip is ordered to bring him back under pain of death/torture. Hence conflicted solo song “Still” (now with 69% more deja vu and actual character conflict!).

Commence the other songs/plot, all very similar to the musical up until Hunter’s whole remembering who he is sequence, in which he also recognizes Philip and realizes why the man- his brother- is so familiar to him. His concern and confusion is made greater as he talks to Darius and convinces the man he is the Prince, because even as he’s talking he starts to remember Philip more and more and what happened and how they were separated during the coup.

Guess how they were separated and how Philip got the big scar on his face. Did you guess Belos? Yep. The bastard can’t leave anything alone, he has to scar Philip for life and be the reason they both had head trauma induced amnesia.

Hunter tells Darius he needs to go- both to find Willow and talk to his brother (the whole Dimitry/Anya plot happens but this AU focuses more on the familial connections than romance). Darius takes it upon himself to inform the press Prince Jasper never actually came back and it was another imposter.

“The Neva Flows (Reprise)” is a fun one. Philip has figured out by now what he’s forgotten and is about twenty panic attacks in a trench coat because fuck the man he’s been living with is the same guy who murdered his parents and wants to murder his brother on faux treason charges and also that really puts into perspective the “punishments” and “discipline” he still has trauma from. And the realization that he’s only still alive because he’s been groomed into being a perfect soldier and that he will be killed the moment he refuses to read those lines for his uncle is… not a fun one. He’s doing so good right now.

The whole song is Philip’s trauma and conditioning warring against his morality and connection to Hunter because dammit he doesn’t want to murder his brother but if he returns empty handed there’s no telling what will happen to him-

It’s Hunter who tells him he… doesn’t have to? Go back at all? He’s already in France, might as well stick around. The thought is startling- it didn't occur to him he could have a choice in the matter.

There’s a lot to emotionally unpack and only about a finale’s length to do it but eventually things get better. Philip does decide to stay in France, processing his trauma because dammit the boy needs a decent support system. He refuses to be known as the Prince he used to be but is willing to chill with Darius- whom he remembers and has some conflicting memories about but that’s something he can work through in therapy. Hunter goes off into the sunset with Willow but spoiler alert comes back every weekend to visit because the whole “we’ll never see each other again” speech was over dramatic and they can certainly see each other again.

As for Belos, the man gets executed in the next violent transition of power and when word reaches France they have a party to celebrate it.

TL;DR: Anastasia Musical AU with Philip as Gleb and Hunter as Anya, focused mostly on their familial ties and relationship. Both of the boys have plot-convenient amnesia and were separated ten years ago.

[canirove]

The Princess & the Football Player | Chapter 28

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Masterlist

"Good morning, sweetheart."

"Hi."

"I've brought you some breakfast" my mum says, leaving a tray with food on the bedside table and sitting on the bed.

"I'm not hungry."

"You must eat something."

"I'm not hungry" I repeat.

"Eleanor, please. I'm sure he wouldn't like to see you getting sick."

"Why did you have to mention him?" I say, covering my head with the duvet and starting to cry.

"I'm sorry. I just... Drink the juice at least. You will dihydrate if you keep crying like that."

"I don't care!"

"Eleanor..."

"Leave me alone!"

"I'm your mother, I'm not going anywhere." 

And so far, she hasn't. Since the moment she found me crying on the floor after Declan left, she has been by my side. She has spent the whole night with me, taking care of me, comforting me. When she left to pick up my breakfast, it probably is the longest she has been gone for.

"Eleanor... Ellie..." she says after taking a deep breath. "Do you know why at first I opposed to you dating Declan?"

"Because you are a snob with a stick up your ass."

"No, Eleanor" she sighs. "I opposed to it because I knew this would happen. Because I knew he'll end up breaking your heart, and I didn't want to see you suffer like this."

"Because he isn't like us."

"Exactly."

"See? You are a snob!"

"I am not a snob. But I better than anyone know how it feels to fall in love with a royal when you aren't part of that world. What it entails, all the sacrifices you must make, how much you must fight. And it isn't easy, Eleanor. You don't know how many times I had my phone on my hand ready to call your dad and tell him it was over, that I couldn't deal with the press, with everything I had to learn if I wanted to be queen one day. It was so tough. Not just for me, but for everyone around me."

"But you never did it. You never gave up like he has done."

"Because unlike Declan, I had nothing to lose. If things between Philip and I hadn't worked out, if we had broken up... Yes, we both would be heartbroken. Especially me. But that was it. I had my studies and I could start again. Maybe not in England, but definitely somewhere else. Declan doesn't have that luxury."

"What do you mean?" I ask, uncovering my head.

"He has his career. His dream. Everything he and his family have worked for since he was a kid. They've sacrificed many things for it, and he couldn't lose that."

"So instead, he chose to lose me."

"Yes. But not because you weren't worth it, because he doesn't love you, or because it was the easier choice. He did it because he knows it is something that can be fixed."

"What?"

"When I found out you were seeing someone who wasn't Charles, I thought it was just something fleeting. Then I noticed how happy you were, that you actually had feelings for whoever that boy was. And despite suspecting that he probably was one of Mason's friends and that you had met him through Roberta, I said to myself… well, maybe it will work out. Just look at her, at how she is glowing. Then you told us who he was and I knew it was a mistake, that you would end up hurting each other. But you both still kept fighting. And then, again, I thought… maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they'll work through this, maybe the fact that he has had to deal with huge pressure before at such a young age will help them."

"But you were wrong."

"Yes and no. I was wrong because he clearly hasn't been able to deal with everything that has happened since the press found out about you two and with everything else going on on the pitch. But Eleanor... The way you and Declan love each other... You don't get to see that every day. It is true love. Right now you probably feel like the world is ending, like it is over. But it isn't. This just wasn't your moment to be together. You'll have a second chance, I'm sure of it."

"What... What do you mean?"

"I..." she says, taking a deep breath. "I think that one day, both of you will be strong enough to fight against anything and everything, and you will be ready to get back together. I don't know when that will happen, but..."

"It isn't a goodbye, it's a see you soon" I say, remembering what Declan said before he left.

"That's it, yes."

"If one day that happens... If we get back together… Will you support us? Will you be by our side?"

"I will. I promise you I will" she says, caressing my cheek.

"It would have been easier if you had told me all this before, you know? Everyone kept telling me that you were just trying to protect me, but if you had explained it to me..."

"I know. I just… I didn't know how to do it, so I took the harsh way. But I love you, Eleanor. You know I do, don't you?"

"I do" I say, sitting up.

"I'm sorry I didn't do things right. That I hurt you so much. Both you and Declan."

"It's ok" I whisper.

"I know things are gonna be very difficult. That right now you are heartbroken and feel like nothing makes sense anymore. But I'm here for you, and I will help you with everything. Now and always" she says, taking my hand on hers. 

"Thank you, mum" I cry.

"Oh, come here" she says, hugging me.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Eleanor."

[rreskk]

TREVOR PHILIPS: “He was the smartest, toughest, weirdest kid in Canada.”

HEADCANONS: Teenage Trevor Philips

~Basically lived at the arcades trying to compete against other players all of his summer breaks.

~His hockey team used him as a weapon during games. They always relied on Trevor to DEMOLISH the opposing players. And when I mean demolish... He gets brutal. Blood, sweat, tears...

~Got kicked out of the team obviously...

~Played bass in his free time. Was talented but quit when he found interest in planes and pilots.

~Never attended classes but when he did, he was surprisingly intelligent. (Was a master in physics, maths, physical education, and social sciences).

~Was adored by all female teachers (due to his charisma and attachments to them).

~His full-time job was scaring school councillors into cancelling his "therapy" sessions.

~Lone wolf. He used to make friends but he was always moving schools.

~With that... He's known as "that transferred kid" who intimidates everyone.

~Probably had a few... Close scandals with female teachers as well...

~After school hours, he was always graffitiing on the school walls.

~He's a head teachers worst fear...

~Was a leather jacket teenager (bonus if he wore fingerless gloves as well).

~Trevor mostly spent his time getting high on a random field instead of attending school. His mother was barely at home and his brother (Ryan - Still alive during this era) would also be flunking his lessons, just somewhere else.

~He had one school fight and it ended with death. The kid threatened him and... Well... Trevor made him choke on the schools choco milk in front of everyone in the cafeteria. He was sent to juvenile hall (like Michael) but many times... (For reasons surrounding drugs and aggression).

~Dropped out when he was 16.

[castieltrash1]

on the 1st day of rothmas, castieltrash1 gave to me... holiday decorating with the tim roth characters! (more below the cut xoxo)

⋆ freddy “mr. orange” newandyke (reservoir dogs)

freddy’s place has never really been cohesive, to say the least. you’ve noticed none of his dishes or cutlery match and most of the time his bedsheets and pillowcases are different patterns or colors. besides his blue walls, retro comic book posters, and that stained glass cross by his front door, he doesn’t really ‘decorate.’ as long as his work stuff is easily accessible, everything else just kind of fits wherever. he prefers spending his free time on renovations -- clanky bathroom pipes or a loose kitchen cabinet hinge are more important to him.

that being said, freddy is a traditional christmas decorator. as early december rolls around, he lugs his fake tree out of storage, hangs a wreath on the door, and strings up some lights. most of his ornaments are plain glass bulbs, but he’s collected a few keepsakes over the years! in all honesty, he’s secretly excited to settle down with you and make a home out of someplace (preferably not his messy apartment.) it’s not in the cards just yet, but he knows someday you two -- and maybe some pets or kids if you feel so inclined -- will have a cozier domestic setup where christmas feels less like an obligation and more like a celebration.

“step back and tell me if this shit is straight,” freddy says, jerking his chin up to the string of lights he’s hanging above the door. you hesitate for a moment, not wanting to put the ladder he’s balanced precariously on out of reach in case he falls; a scenario that seems completely likely considering he’s got a nail gun in one hand and a half-smoked cigarette propped between his lips.

you slowly inch backward and… “oh. they’re- uh…” one end is about three inches higher than the other, give or take. “no, they’re good. perfect.”

freddy snorts, a flicker of ash falling to the ground. “i’m a cop, remember? i know when you’re lying.”

⋆ cal lightman (lie to me)

cal has always been your average low-effort christmas decorator. half of his presents are wrapped in a brown paper bag, for christ’s sake. towards the end of his marriage with zoe and shortly following their separation, he put a lot of effort into holidays for emily’s sake, but now that she’s grown, his co-parenting relationship has mellowed, and he’s got you in his life, there’s a lot less pressure for the holidays to be perfect!

he is absolutely going to keep cutting corners, though. why would he wobble on a ladder outside in the cold to hang up lights he’ll have to take down in a month anyway when he can just use those projectors that shine colors all over the house? and sure, he likes ornaments, especially the cheesy hand-made ones emily made in elementary school, but he’s content throwing some tinsel and popcorn strings on a lit-up tree and calling it a day. speaking of trees, they’re one of the few splurges he’s willing to spend his time and money on. he likes the smell and look of real ones, sue him!

“did you even measure the door beforehand?” you ask, barely able to see the top of cal’s head over the massive tree in the way. he’s got one end, you’ve got the other, and emily has disappeared somewhere in the middle of the prickly pine needles.

“it’ll fit!” cal yells back, just as emily crawls out from under the mass of branches, sweat and melting snow glimmering on her forehead. she takes one look at the way you’re straining to pull the top through the front doorway and laughs under her breath, shaking her head.

“twenty bucks says we have to bring it in through the backyard.”

⋆ philip chaney (captives)

when you meet philip, he’s been moved to a short-term facility, so the rules are more lax. it’s still prison so traditional decorating is out of the question, but you two make it work. he doesn’t want to draw unwarranted attention from inmates or cos whose radars he’d rather not be on, so philip sticks to his favorite and the safest way of sprucing up his cell: photographs. bring him pictures of you, your decorations, and your tree during visits and he’ll tape them to his wall or the underside of the top bunk to admire before bed.

on his days out -- after his classes are over and he’s got an hour to blow before the bus arrives --philip loves walking around to see all the christmas lights. it’s freezing, but he never seems to notice, too busy pointing out his favorite decorated buildings and houses. his old contracting and electrical wiring jobs make him a pain in the ass, though, since he never stops scrutinizing the shoddily hung lights or clear fire hazards.

philip flicks the ash of his cigarette, eyes narrowing at the bundle of cords tucked on the side of a building you two always pass; now covered in flashing red, white, and green. your fingertips are freezing off and you can’t tell the smoke of philip’s exhales from your breaths of white air.

“philip.”

“what?” he looks back at you, pointy teeth curling into a knowing grin when you glare. he keeps walking, leading you somewhere warmer, but doesn’t let up. “they’ve got three fuckin’ cords plugged into one bloody outlet.”

⋆ ted the bellhop (four rooms)

ted is kind of like a retail worker -- christmas decorations and music send a chill up his spine. thoughts of working new year’s eve at the mon signor make him lightheaded and the last thing he wants is to bring that home with him. unfortunately, he also gets sad if you two don’t decorate, so it’s a lose-lose situation. he’ll eventually decide that the bellhop’s room remain decoration-free for his sanity, but at home, he needs a little holiday cheer.

don’t let him try any handmade or crafty type decorations. if there’s one thing ted’s bound to do it’s burn himself, start a fire, rip something, trip over something else, electrocute himself, fall off a ladder, and end the night slamming his fists against the floor yelling “why, god, why?!” make it simple and save yourself the headache. give this man some plastic ornaments, battery-powered fairy lights, and a few garlands and he’s set.

as the first few notes of “jingle bells” fill the room, ted’s neck snaps toward your cd player, the color draining from his face. “turn that off. please. now.” you watch in slight amusement as the candy cane in his fist cracks under the pressure of his whitened knuckles.

as you skip the classic tune, ted lets out a comedic sigh of relief, wiping a bead of sweat from his forehead. “i heard that fifty-seven times last shift, you know!”

⋆ joshua shapira (little odessa)

besides the fact he doesn’t celebrate, joshua isn’t a big decorator to begin with. most of it is out of necessity -- wherever he’s holed up has to stay discreet for safety reasons. the last thing he needs is bright flashing lights pointing potential threats in the right direction. if you two live together or are settling down, he’ll let you decorate inside, regardless of which holiday you celebrate. he’ll tease you, but, as long as it makes you happy and isn’t too overboard, he doesn’t mind.

the few hanukkah pieces he has are heirlooms his mom secretly gave him after he left home. after her passing, they became even more important to him. he keeps them safe all year long and makes sure they -- the menorah, especially -- are proudly displayed by the front door window. he doesn’t have the best memories from home, but lighting the candles has always been one of them.

after reciting the respective blessings, joshua takes the shamash and begins lighting the menorah. you watch as the flames spark, slowly moving from the left to the right with each candle. the reflection flickers in his eyes even after he finishes and steps back, pulling you close.

“it’s beautiful,” you softly murmur, resting your head on his shoulder.

he nods, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “yeah… it is.”

⋆ guildenstern (rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead)

medieval yule decorations are all about the foliage. guildenstern might not be able to differentiate between most plants and flowers, but he knows a good branch of holly when he sees it. he prefers the celebrations, music, and food more, so he won’t go all out, but he still enjoys being festive. also a big fan of mistletoe for its symbolic protection and the excuse it gives him to kiss you.

if you two spend yule at or near elsinore, you’ll be treated to the castle’s extravagant decorations. the great hall is especially beautiful this time of year with the roaring fire, bright greenery, and intricately embroidered tablecloths made of fine fabric. the church would also likely have trees donned with paper flowers and apples to celebrate!

guildenstern sidles up to you in the great hall, biting into a crisp red apple. the sharp crunch cuts through the music playing and you shoot him a glare. “pray tell, where did thou find that?” the banquet had a variety of feasts, but there wasn’t an identical fruit in sight. the only place you’d seen one was those decorating the church’s oaks and surely guildenstern would never-

“upon a tree outside,” he replies, grinning between chews. “there are more to be found, should thou desire one.”

⋆ david (resurrection)

david doesn’t like celebrations of any kind unless he’s the focal point. he won’t make that obvious at first, of course, but you’ll slowly realize his attitude shifts whenever you bring up the holidays. the more decorations you put up, the more kindnesses he asks of you. it’s a simple trick that gets your brain to associate festivities with sacrifice and discomfort.

if he’s feeling kind or wants to reward you for his own benefit, he’ll let you have a few decorations. it’s important you realize that it’s a privilege bestowed by him, so you’ll be more thankful for it. most of the time, you’ll be responsible for putting the decorations up and taking them down, but he might surprise you in the morning with a few lights or tinsel hung just to hear you praise him.

it’s a simple strand of lights above the door, but it’s the most decorative thing you’ve seen this christmas season. your eyes practically water at how warm and cozy it feels, and david rests his hand on your shoulder, squeezing it softly.

his lips curl into a smirk as he watches the colors dance on your face. “aren’t you grateful, dearest? i did this just for you.”

⋆ colin (meantime)

while colin’s family does decorate for christmas, it’s never been too exciting for him. they can’t afford anything new, so he’s seen the same lights, figurines, and garlands used every year since (and before) he was born. most of the houses near his are the same, too. in the past, he’d cut festive pictures out of magazines, the newspaper, and advertisements on food boxes from the grocery store, but mark teased him relentlessly for it.

visiting you gives colin an excuse to admire your decorations as long as he wants. if you two aren’t together yet, he’ll find a way -- mostly with coxy’s goading -- to offer to help you hang lights or some other mundane task that lets him spend more time with you. he’s quiet during the whole process, but you notice he’s extremely careful, making sure everything is set up exactly how you want it.

“oh, wow!” you stare up at the string of lights dangling from your roof trim with an excited laugh, one that turns into a fearful gasp as you watch colin wobble on the ladder at the sound of your voice. “oh shit.” you quickly grip the metal to steady it, peering up at your flustered friend. “are you okay?”

“i-i…” colin’s face is bright red and you’re not sure how much of it is from the cold. “… didn’t hear you… come out.”

“sorry,” you wince, biting back a frown. you’d gone inside to make some snacks and hadn’t thought twice about making your presence known. “the lights look great, though!” this time, the darkening of his cheeks is an obvious result of your praise, and you nod toward the front door, hoping to get him back inside. “hungry?”

⋆ gerbino de ratta (virgin territory)

safe to say, you won’t be doing a lot of decorating with a plague spread further than you could ever travel. any celebrations you have will be limited to those in gerbino’s closest circles, mainly his men, so it doesn’t matter all that much anyway. at most, he’ll “buy” you some nice gold and pretty candles but everything must remain inside lest it be stolen (again.)

“this is beautiful,” you say, mesmerized by the pristine candleholder gerbino’s brought home. he’s even found a tall beeswax candle to pair with it; already smelling sweet despite not being lit. “where did you get this?”

gerbino’s smirk falters. “never mind that, love,” he quickly replies, guiding you toward the mantel that holds all the other trinkets he’s gifted you. “let’s light it, yes?”

⋆ oswaldo mobray (the hateful eight)

your dearest “english pete” is a big fan of the holidays and all the celebrations that come with it. since you two and the rest of the domingre gang are often on the move, most of your “decorations” are on various stagecoaches and horse reins/saddles. pete, in particular, is a big fan of wreaths and holly but he also sniffles and sneezes with the foliage so close to his sleeping quarters.

pete also loves decorating you. he’ll spend whatever he gets from different heists on soft silks and velvets that you can wear through the cold season. some of it is embroidered, and some are pristine heirlooms stolen from richer folk. you usually manage a good collection by the time the near year rolls around!

“hm… hm… yes, yes, like this,” pete mumbles under his breath, a white puff of air in the cold wind. he fiddles with the new red velvet cape he’s found you, fingers adjusting and readjusting the fabric through his thick leather gloves.

he steps back and you grin, teeth near chattering. “well?”

“quite dashing, if i do say so myself, love.”

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:

12 days of rothmas masterlist

[finlaure13]

baruch hashem

Adam Brody Has Entered His “Hot Rabbi” Era

The actor sees a few similarities between Seth Cohen and his part on the new Netflix comedy Nobody Wants This: “They both have my bone structure, they both are Southern Californian, and theoretically they’re the same age.”

By Ilana Kaplan

September 26, 2024

Adam Brody in the Beverly Hills neighborhood of Los Angeles on July 26, 2024.By ADALI SCHELL/The New York Times/Redux.

After Adam Brody signed on to play a rabbi in the TV series Nobody Wants This, he studied. He pored over Art Spiegelman’s Maus, watched the documentary The U.S. and the Holocaust,, read Philip Roth’s Operation Shylock, and listened to podcasts from Rabbi David Sacks. Then he watched Yentl and Fiddler on the Roof for the first time and embarked on a Jewish-quarter tour in Venice. “I had time because the strikes happened between when we filmed it and when I signed on,” he recalls over Zoom. “I had my ear open, my radar up for that year of where if I was somewhere, I would try and partake in the Jewish experience.”

Truthfully, Brody studied because he “wasn’t confident in my authority” when it came to Judaism. Though his family is Jewish, he didn’t grow up knowing many other Jewish people. “I don’t believe I went to a Bar Mitzvah except my own,” the 44-year-old actor laughs. Most of what he learned about the religion and Jewish culture came from his parents and friends he made in his 20s and beyond. So when it came to his latest role, he relied on the authority of his colleagues. “We had a lot of other Jewish people writing or directing, or there were other Jews around to help inform,” he says.

On paper, the Netflix rom-com series Nobody Wants This, which premieres September 26, sounds like a millennial fever dream. Brody, who starred in the soapy teen drama The O.C. plays opposite Kristen Bell of Veronica Mars and Gossip Girl fame—the former as Noah, a witty but traditional basketball-playing rabbi, and the latter as Joanne, an agnostic podcaster who recounts her chaotic dating life and sexcapades on air. Of course, the pair must contend with their religious differences—as well as their respective chaotic family dynamics.

Even though he and his costar headlined two of the most popular teen soaps in the early aughts, Brody has never watched Veronica Mars and Bell has never seen The O.C. Still, one of the main reasons Brody signed on to the project was to work with Bell. “She’s a wonderful talent, a wonderful person and creates a wonderful environment,” he says. “Having worked with her before [in CHIPS], I know this, and I was flattered that she wanted me to do it.” He was also drawn to the script—he loves working on rom-coms, which are a “very comfortable space for me tonally.” And the rabbi portion? “It was its own fun challenge,” he laughs. “There was a lot there to chew on.”

Since his breakout role as nerdy Death Cab for Cutie–loving heartthrob Seth Cohen in The O.C., Brody has leaned into diversifying his résumé. He’s played Nikolai Wolf, the satanic frontman of Low Shoulder in the horror cult classic Jennifer’s Body; Nick Talman, a morally conflicted financier who launders money to help save a tech company in the crime drama StartUp; Abe Applebaum, a formerly distinguished but now washed-up Nancy Drew type in the noir-esque whodunit The Kid Detective; Daniel Le Domas, the antihero brother of the groom in the wedding-themed horror-comedy Ready or Not; the adult superhero version of Freddy Freeman in Shazam!; and Seth Morris, smoldering finance bro and Toby’s best friend in the midlife crisis satire Fleishman Is in Trouble.

While it’s been a long time since Brody played Seth Cohen, he’s aware that fans of his old show may be tempted to compare Noah to his breakout character. Of course, Brody also sees a few superficial similarities in part because it’s him playing those characters. “They both have my bone structure, they both are Southern Californian and theoretically they’re the same age, if Seth Cohen carried on,” Brody says. But he ultimately feels like Noah is a much more conventional person. “I think Noah is somebody who has known exactly what he wanted to do since he was very young, and has led a life—while having fun and being a fun person—of rigorous study and in ancient texts. Which is, I think, a marked difference,” he says. On the show, Noah is also referred to as “hot rabbi,” an apparent nod to Fleabag’s hot priest.

“The kids call him that,” Brody demures. “I wouldn’t be so bold.” Ultimately, he’ll “let the people decide” if hot rabbi or hot priest is superior.

Beyond Nobody Wants This, Brody is still looking to flex his creative muscles. He’d love to collaborate with Steven Soderbergh and is also a huge Tim Heidecker fan. “Don’t know what I bring to the table of squishy sounds, sound effects, but just think he’s brilliant,” he says. Brody would always be open to working with Jennifer’s Body writer and executive producer Diablo Cody again too. “I wonder if there’d be a place for me in a Jennifer’s Body 2. I feel like this character, while he does set the plot in motion, isn’t so central to the story and the themes, and feels like it may not be an organic fit for a sequel,” he says of Nikolai, the film’s main antagonist, who kidnaps the titular Jennifer so he can sacrifice her to the devil. “But I mean, if she was so inspired and wanted a 40-something dead rock star, okay!”

So that’s on the table. Brody is now some 20 years removed from his time as Seth Cohen. Would he ever step back into the role that catapulted him to fame too?

“Anything’s certainly possible,” Brody says. “I think it’s perfectly valid to take anything that people like and say, ‘Is there any life left in this? Would anyone care to see more? Would the band like to get back together?’” But for a number of reasons, he struggles to see a relevant way forward for an O.C. reboot from a creative perspective.

While a reboot may remain up in the air, Brody says fans can expect his characters to be “progressively more generous and self-aware” as the actor himself gets older. “This could either be because I’m old and I’m slowing down,” he says with a self-deprecating edge. “Or because I’m wise and I’m grounded and confident.”

[lampmanliveblogs]

The impending disaster is delayed by the rest of the kids going places, doing stuff, beginning by asking around in this quaint little shop. I do like the ”Ghosts will haunt shoplifters” sign. I also spied another Hexas Holdem’ cameo on a table. Just how many of those bloody things did Eda dump in the Human Realm? Or maybe those are unmagical replicas, since the ones Jacob gave away became popular.

Anyways, moving on to this shot, I do notice Gus looking through that barrel of gems. Heh, gems in Gravesfield. I bet that doesn’t happen often. I bet there aren’t a whole lot of teenage criminal masterminds running around there either.

Also, that is a Ness costume to the left there on the wall. Which makes me think the other two ones are references as well, hm… I wanna say the witch costume on the right is from… Little Witch Academia?

I just looked it up, and yup, that’s totally Little Witch Academia. That leaves the middle one, which I have no idea what it could be a reference to. I’m not even sure if that’s a bow, or cat ears. Or maybe this is a Blake Belladonna situation, and it’s actually both.

Oh, and the shop is called The Magic Circle. Insert Engelsfors Trilogy reference here:____________________________.

Oh, now this is a beautiful frame to accidentally pause on. I just had to include it.

That candy that looks like it’s levitating. Willow looking like she’s about to tip backwards. Vee psyching herself up before a boxing match. The librarian experiencing some Grade A secondhand embarrassment. The girl with the Batman logo on her shirt. Amity faceplanting for the second time this episode. Seriously, that can not be good for your face Mittens.

But hey, let’s look on the bright side. Now Hunter and Amity have something else to bond over: facial scar and a broken nose respectively.

And while I’m paused: I also love Willow paying for the costume with a snail, like she’s Pippi Longstocking with her gold coins.

Willow & Gus also both take notice of the statues of the Wittebane brothers. They exchange knowing glances, both of them undoubtedly seeing the resemblance to Hunter… though at this point only Gus has the pieces to begin putting the puzzle together.

And thus one of the shows longest running gags comes to full circle as we finally see one of these demonic giraffes that much fuzz has been made about. Honestly? I don’t see what it was about, the fuzz. This looks fairly normal by Demon Realm standard. Unless the giraffe people were known for being unusually brutal and violent, I’m not sure why the kids are so spooked by this.

I do love this though, because giraffes have obviously been around on Earth long enough to be considered normal animals by humans. And surely someone somewhere at some point would realize that ”Oh shit, these long necked creatures can unfold their faces. That’s weird.”

Even if giraffes don’t do it in front of humans, surely someone dissecting a giraffe would find it. This leads me to believe that yes, it’s weird, but still considered to be an as of yet unexplained quirk in an others normal an unmagical animal.

It was at this point I went on a long tangent about evolution and biology, and I cut that out because this post is long enough as is. Let’s just say that giraffe taxonomy would be a huge pain for scientists in this universe to figure out.

Called it.

I do believe I said so even as far back as Yesterday’s Lie that we would return back to the Gravesfield Historical Society. I also believe I said I dreaded seeing Jacob Hopkins again, for obvious reasons. Though based on the sign, we might be spared that unpleasantness. Good, Philip is already sneaking around, and one crazy person is enough for this episode.

I’m assuming the previous managers of the Gravesfield Historical Society came back from their vacation, found the crazy man who had broken into the building while they were away, and called the police on him.

Even though this is a shot from behind, you can clearly see Vee looking nervous and uncomfortable, and of course she’d be. The last time she stepped foot (eh… tail?) inside this building, all her worst nightmares came true, all at once. She was captured and put back inside a cage. She was going to be cut open and killed by a madman. Her cover was blown to Camila. All in all, it was a rather stressful thirty minutes or so she had in there.

Ey, it’s the fortune teller from Yesterday’s Lie! Based on a comment or two I got, I had a sneaking suspicion they’d appear again, and would you look at that, I was right. It sure feels good.

And not to toot my own horn too much, but the nickanme I gave them back in Yesterday’s Lie was Mira. Which has the same first letter (M), same last letter (a), and the same number of syllables (2) as Masha’s real name. Which might not sound all that impressive, but try guessing the first and last letter, as well as the number of syllables in my (real) name. If any of you are correct, I’ll… be very scared.

So, are you the new new management here, Masha? I’d think not, since, well… you’re what, fourteen? Fifteen, maybe? I know Jacob didn’t set the bar high, but you know it’s a sad state of affairs when an actual child makes for a better manager at a historical society than a grown adult man.