#like just based on the fact that we were literally mid conversation I don't think most people would remember.

[cesium-sheep]

she went for a walk, which is like, a good choice probably. when she came back I said she seemed like she was trying not to act angry so she probably wasn't angry at me but she said she was. I tried to untangle why and that got amended to mostly angry at herself, then as I tried to ask for things I did to exacerbate it the mostly also got dropped? there was one point where I misinterpreted a question in a way that made her feel obligated to continue out into the weeds, but I don't feel strongly positive that I would be able to catch something similar if it happened again. but matt came home and they're going out to sell books and get groceries. and she's like. definitely actively choosing not to act upset and lash out at me and stuff, which I know doesn't come naturally but is like super needed right now. shit's Real Bad up in my brain and it would be disproportionately impactful rn if she was being snippy or whatever.

[getvalentined]

hi! i'm actually really interested in the "is cait sith reeve" debate and was fascinated by your post since you firmly believe cait sith is his own person.

i'm playing through dirge right now so i can't comment fully on what transpires there, but based on rebirth alone i'm having trouble believing cait sith isn't controlled by him. i know your post said rebirth excluded a scene that made it clear cait sith is his own person, but I'm not sure what you're referring to exactly. The only thing I can think of is the original game, where Cait Sith sacrifices himself and says not to forget him even if another Cait Sith comes along...which is a good point, though one could potentially argue that Reeve is just sentimental.

Anyway, what I want to know is: if Cait Sith has a personality separate from Reeve and can move independently while Reeve is busy, then why does Cait Sith repeatedly go offline in Rebirth while Reeve is busy? This is the main argument I see and one of my favorites, so I think answering that could help your own. The only arguments I can think up are either that the devs wanted to give players clear hints that Reeve controls Cait Sith, or that he wants to make sure he's monitoring Cait Sith when the cat interacts with the party. But besides that, Cait Sith really doesn't act like a different person. Sure, he has an accent and is silly, but he doesn't make any comment whatsoever (as far as I know) that indicates he isn't Reeve himself. In fact, the party treats Cait Sith and the Shinra employee controlling him as the same person, and Cait Sith doesn't attempt to rebuke it. (Outside of maybe lying that he's a mere amusement park attraction?)

i do admit, if dirge seriously contradicts this interpretation, it's weird for the devs to go against it...but as someone who once believed cait sith and reeve were separate and changed their mind after rebirth, I just don't think there's enough evidence based on rebirth alone to claim that cait sith is his own person.

on that note, you mentioned cait sith has his own likes and dislikes separate from reeve and i'm actually really curious about that! do you have an example of that? :D It sounds like fun trivia lol (i really like reeve and cait sith...)

anyway thank you for reading till the end! sorry if this is unwelcome

There's a scene in Dirge where Reeve and Cait walk out of the same room together, reacting to one another independently:

Further, Cait Sith only goes into stasis twice in the entirety of Rebirth as far as I can recall? Once at the end of a board meeting that Reeve was active in, but seemingly not for the entirety of the board meeting, as Cait Sith appeared to be mid-conversation and trailed off when Reeve got bad news—this makes sense if he's connected to Cait Sith and has the capacity to control him directly as needed, but not if he had to do so actively 100% of the time. The other time is in Cosmo Canyon, because he's clearly not interested in their woo-woo metaphysical nonsense, and he cites it as taking time to recharge his batteries.

Reeve is still working as Director of Urban Planning during all of this, so I find it super hard to believe that he's spending 99.9999% his time at a computer or mentally controlling and speaking through a doll while also running the department that is trying to put Midgar back together after the plate drop—particularly not since we have official meta stating that he's an Inspire, which I cited in a reblog.

Beyond that, there's this bit in the OG, which Cait Sith says to himself, in an empty room:

There is no explanation for this if Cait Sith is entirely remote controlled. There's no one else here to hear it, no reason for him to express these feelings—or even have feelings in the first place!

In Rebirth it's even more clear, because he expresses physical strain as he's literally holding the Temple up by keeping himself wedged under the platform. He's uncomfortable, he's physically taxed, he's in pain. Again, most of this occurs in an empty room, and would not happen if he was just a toy that Reeve had to control directly like a complex RC car or something.

The concept of likes and dislikes that are independent is less solidly shown in-canon, but they have distinctly different personalities, and Reeve is very clearly not interested in things like prophecies and the Promised Land and all that—he is a scientist at the end of the day, a civil and mechanical engineer—and yet Cait Sith's whole shtick is to tell fortunes! This is also something that he seems to enjoy doing quite a bit, even if he's not very good at it. (He gets better. Kinda.)

Cait Sith is obviously connected to Reeve, but it's equally obvious that he's not analogous. Presumably Cait Sith doesn't care when he's equated to Reeve because he is Reeve's eyes and ears in the field, even when he's not in direct control. The fact that he only really talks about himself as an individual when he's alone kind of implies that he'd rather the others not know, because he doesn't want them to be upset about what's going to happen to him; if he were nothing more than a glorified RC toy, this wouldn't be a concern, because he wouldn't have concerns at all.

[fsfghgee]

Do you think Bi-Han and Sektor have pet names in private or do they always call each other by their first names?

I would like to say yes, that they do use pet names on a daily basis, but I really don't think so (even in private). Contrary to what most fans say, based solely on Bi-Han's supposed "inappropriate behavior", Bi-Han is not a young man. Both he and Sektor already have wrinkles that in asians from well-off families (as they both are) only appear after 30. I really doubt they are under 30 and I believe they are both in their mid to late 30s. And the way most of their dialogues were developed, while it shows their close relationship, shows that their intimate relationship often mixes with their professional one.

Sektor formally informs Bi-Han of a wish from her father. Bi-Han, in turn, responds emotionally and not at all with the (reasonable) rationality expected from a leader:

Sektor: My father wishes to return to service. Sub-Zero: His first task can be reining in your mother.

Bi-Han definitely has a beef with Madam Bo. Expected, since in Madam Bo's eyes, Bi-Han is the one who leads Sektor down the wrong path. And after all, well, she's his mother-in-law.

Sektor being rude to Bi-Han here despite him asking a simple question regarding her work:

Noob Saibot: How long before the prototype is ready? Sektor: It will be done when it is done.

For her to respond in such a rude manner to a question related to her work indicates that she also has her moments of seeing him only as Bi-Han, her man, and not as her Grandmaster.

And as we all know, Bi-Han is the Grandmaster of the Lin Kuei and Sektor is officially his Master Amorer and second in command. And although some people want to see Sektor's ambition and the things she says about leading as someone with evil intentions and who is ready to betray Bi-Han at any moment. By making these assumptions, they ignore the fact that Sektor loves Bi-Han above all else and that she and Bi-Han already lead the clan together. When she talks about leading being better than following in conversations with Li Mei and how she practically confirms that she is more dangerous than Bi-Han…

She is trying to convince Li Mei like Bi-Han once did.

It is already quite clear from their endings (Sub-Zero, Sektor and Noob Saibot), intros and story mode, that Bi-Han and Sektor lead the clan together. She is not a Bi-Han's follower, she is his right hand. They are together in everything. Bi-Han makes almost no decisions without consulting her first. Li Mei on the other hand, is just a follower in the royal court. Li Mei has no influence over Mileena whatsoever. Sektor is simply questioning Li Mei's lack of ambition.

There are those who think that Sektor despises Bi-Han because of this one dialogue too:

They ignore that as a woman willing to do anything to protect the clan and the man she loves, she has to be more dangerous than him to do so. She has to be able to hold her own against his enemies. She is speaking like a lioness here.

If Sektor wanted to lead the Lin Kuei alone and betray Bi-Han, she wouldn't have even rescued him from the Temple of the Elements. She was literally leading alone and angry at Bi-Han, but she chose to bring him back anyway.

She truly loves him and is loyal to him. And the professional hierarchy of the two has been carried into their private lives without any problems for so long that they don't even care about disguising it properly at work from other subordinates, allies, enemies…

And knowing that Sektor is most likely submissive…

I highly doubt that she calls Bi-Han by nicknames and that Bi-Han would even be cool with being called by such. Although Sektor is affectionate with Bi-Han, she respects him and his position (both in the clan and in their relationship) too much to give him nicknames. And Bi-Han respects her decision not to hear her own name, which for some reason, she despises (since everything indicates that Sektor is not her real name, but even Bi-Han only calls her Sektor), I dare say that the closest they get to pet names in private is when they are making love. Like, "my beloved husband", "my beloved master", "babe do it like this", etc. Or when they are trying to disagree with each other without starting an argument, starting the rhetoric with " But darling...", "dear, think not...", etc.

......

[real-fire-emblem-takes]

In regards to the unit identity conversation going around in FE spaces right now i wanted to throw in my general thoughts...

When people say "unit identity" in regards to gameplay, i feel like most people mean how the character in the story matches how the unit plays.

Fates has the best reclassing system imo, because units have to build support with other units to get their class via the friendship and partner seals. Building support levels has another function in that sense, and it's another incentive to experiencing them.

This creates another way supports effect the ways you can play. As for an example, when Takumi teaches Corrin how to shoot a bow in their support chain, Corrin literally gains access bows via the Archer class.

Fates also has heart seals which change the units class based on stats, skills available, personality, or personal background (They also function as partner seals iirc, but that's more of a waste, i feel).

Three Houses, due to its lack of a weapon lock, essentially created a system where "just put everyone in x, y, or z class to make them good" has become some of the most common advice to new players. This problem existed before, but essentially making classes little more than "this one has good stats, this one has bad stats put them in the one with good numbers."

Sure, it allows those "all mage" runs that are fun to mess around with a lot easier, but it also reduces classes down to just their stats. Want to use bow? Bow Knight's a good class, but can always go for Wyvern. Want to use axes? Try Wyvern. Swords? Swords aren't good, at least use lances or axes in Wyvern.

Engage has the same problem. In fact, despite having weapons locked to classes again, it's now even more of a problem (imo). This time the problem is that so many units are incredibly same-y. The difference between Etie and Alcryst is a couple of points in Str and Spd, same for Lapis and Diamant, for Zelkov and Yunaka it's Spd/Res/Str trade.

The characters feel same-y. Unsurprisingly if you watch build guides on these characters from multiple different people, you'll see the same couple of classes recommended repeatedly. Warrior, Wyvern, Griffin. Few Sages and Personal Classes, but besides that, most characters sit in those three.

Although i like the concept of passive skills unique to certain classes, i feel like they're often times incredibly weak. Or don't synergize well with the class itself. High Movement Bow Knight has a skill that increases hit rate when not moving (the one bow using class that can make good use of Momentum and having high movement and being a Cavalry type should sit still??? It's even more offensive because bows don't have particularly horrible hit rates, and bow units typically have decent Dex/Skill).

We can all agree Berserker getting a pretty weak skill for a weak weapon type that the okay at best defense class typically doesn't want to use... might not be a good balancing tool against the other infantry Axe class with Bow access and better caps in Warrior? Or the flying mobility and Lance or Sword access in Wyvern? Or hell, even the Defense from Great Knight? (although this class is another meme pick)

Don't get me started on S rank weapons also being mid, if not outright bad

I think if there were better skills for classes with lower stats (including movement), less weapon access, then that'd be cool. Or they could do a "Infantry classes have lower growths, but higher stat caps. Therefore they've about caught up midgame, and are better for combat late game, but have less utility due to not being able to ride a horse/flier"

If Personal skills were stronger, and units had more differing stats, Weapons/Proficiencies, or had access to more personal class and/or personal weapons, i think i wouldn't care about how easy it is to get into classes, because the units themselves would actually be unique in how you can play them, even if everyone is in the same class.

I mean, look no further than the bow users in Fates, since that weapon type and its weilders have been getting a lot of attention lately. Takumi has a personal bow with crazy might that gives him the ability to move without being impeded by terrain. Niles doesn't have a unique bow, and his class is already represented in Shura, and DLC Anna on the Adventurer route, and potentially Selena and Laslow for the Bow Knight route, but he has access to capturing generic units to fight for you and has stats that definitely differ from all of them.

Setsuna has a basic archer stats, a weak personal skill, and no personal weapon, and is naturally the perfect example of a bad archer. While Reina has good stats and a useful PS that essentially make her Birthright Camilla except with lances and bows instead of axes and tomes (and Kinshi isn't really seen as a good class!). Shura's whatever in CQ, but in RV he has maxed weapon ranks, giving him access to useful Stages ASAP and decent bow chip, especially with his debuffing PS. (Not much to say about Anna except why is she not in the Merchant class by default?? Magic Anna is not more important than Capitalism Anna 😤)

But i'm rambling, so i'll just say that with the unit/class design we have now, i'd rather have limited classes so that we can at least say:

"They may not be the best unit... But they are the best Swordmaster/Bow User/Magic Unit/etc."

(sorry for the length btw!)

.

[rocketturtle4]

Why Kawi Felt Inentionally Ace Coded

This is the second post I am making about this show for this week, the first was about what I think went down around time travel in this ep and I will directly reference those theories.

Also I just think the way this episode was playing with flash forwards and backs (with both Piseang’s conversation with his mum AND Max’s convo with Kawi – ALSO A FLASHBACK FYI) is VERY INTENTIONAL. (for the purpose of keeping us both in and out of the loop)

Okay so, for the record I really didn’t plan to actively engage in BMF this week, I am mid spiral on an entirely different TV show and this show did not have my full focus while I watched it this morning.

HOWEVER

This moment

[Image ID: Kawi saying "Do you think it's possible for two people dating to have no sexual activity at all]

Took my attention and kept it, I was yelling and I made 2 quick reaction posts about the fact that I was yelling (1, 2)

I will add here that @dropthedemiurge posted about Kawi being definitely ace coded LAST WEEK (I couldn't find it sorry but I remember reading it) as well as this week 2 and @heretherebedork had two different posts about this this week.

Also there is legit evidence for this being about touch starvation and intimacy issues (@shouldiusemyname) and if they do this well I wont be mad but…

It Felt VERY ACE CODED To me

And it felt a bit smack in your face ace coded in a way that to me was throwing up giant WE ARE GOING THERE flags. These flags, to me, were primarily in the LANGUAGE that was used more than Kawi’s physical body langue (which was more ambiguous between the two theories), and this is even trickier because of the layers of translation involved.

So lets talk about those flags

(Also I’m demisexual and demiromantic so my own lens is definitely colouring my view)

Max’s convo with Kawi

I actually loved this convo FOR Max’s response, not because he responded well (if Kawi is ace) but because he DIDN’T respond well. This show is doing a really good job of allowing it’s characters to be flawed and I reckon both Max and Piseang got to be flawed in this episode.

Max has been our gay Yoda

Max has been on point with all his advice

Kawi and Piseang are together in part due to Max’s advice,

But do you know what else Max is?

A 20 YEAR OLD

Max isn’t the person Kawi needs to talk to in this moment, because Kawi’s experiences are no longer aligning with his, and all of his advice thus far has been based on HIS OWN EXPERIENCE (which he literally says by the way):

[Image ID: Max speaking while the subtitles translate the start of his sentence as "Personally,"]

Kawi’s language in this convo was REAL SUS

On top of the first line pictured above, their conversation includes

Max: You’ve already crossed the line, what are you afraid of?

Kawi responds

[Image ID: Kawi saying "I'm not afraid. I just don't think it's that significant."]

Then we get Maxs scoff (SCOFF!!): "Right, The word from someone who’s never had sex"

And his positive take on how important sex is for a relationship and an Individual

And the implication that doing it with someone you love is even better

Then

Max: Are you going to sleep next to each other holding hands forever?

[Image ID: Kawi saying "That's good." with an acesexual black, grey, white and purple flag added to the image]

@sparklyeyedhimbo I like the flag one so I borrowed it.

Then Max points out that it will only work out if Piseang feels the same way.

my thoughts:

Max is very dismissive of Kawi in this convo, there is a real disconnect with Kawi’s tentative questions and Max’s certain responses. Again I THINK THIS IS INTENTIONAL as per above. (For anyone who wants to check again its part 3/4 from around the 2 minute mark)

Kawi doesn’t seem afraid, he seems genuinely confused about not wanting sex. And personally, I’ve BEEN THERE.

Back in the bedroom

Now here we get some fear as Kawi finds condoms, panics and pretends to sleep.

Something I find interesting about this is he doesn’t pretend to sleep facing away from where Piseang would lie or curled up, he is still placed fairly centrally on the bed. His body language isn’t overly defensive (in my uninformed opinion). Now this could just be that he trusts Piseang regardless but I wanted to point it out.

[Image ID: Piseang standing at the foot of the bed look at Kawi apparently asleep in bed]

Then Piseang Time Travels (Full clown, I’m committed)

(I just watched the scene again and Kawi opens his eyes and we don’t see Piseang while the music plays, this scene is legit from Kawi’s point of view and we’ve already seen that the travel isn’t visible to the person not holding the magic globe so I AM EVEN MORE CERTAIN)

Anyway back to this post

Piseang goes to bed and looks at kawi like this

[Image ID: Piseang staring at Kawi]

(I’m just putting this here and choosing to interpret it as weighted with future knowledge lol)

Which post is this again?

Ah yes Ace!Kawi

So we get bed in the morning and Kawi pretending to sleep and then Piseang goes

[Image ID: Piseang rolls to lie on top of Kawi]

And Kawi informs him that he’s heavy.

There’s no recoil

There’s no fear

Until

[Image ID: Piseang says "Would you like to get on top instead then?"]

Even then he’s startled more than scared in my humble opinion

Until Piseang tries to kiss him

[Image ID: Kawi making a very surprised/scared face]

Then Kawi pushes him off and leaves

Piseang continues to try and encourage intimacy

HOLD ON I HAVE A SECOND CLOWN THEORY ABOUT THE FUTURE

(I’m less convinced about my projections for what happens in the future, Piseang looks so content, maybe he just get’s a glimpse of domestic bliss…It needs to be next week already. FOR THE RECORD I’m sticking with clown theory 1 if I have to choose).

We get this moment

[Image ID: Two images of Kawi as Piseang wipes something off the corner of his mouth and Kawi's expression goes from anger to something softer]

And Kawi’s change of experession here is so tender, I feel like this could be coded either way intimacy issues or strong romantic feelings, it’s not lust though that’s for sure. (I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be using coded for intamacy but *shrugs*)

(oooo I wonder if the language play came from his glimpse into the future)

I’m going to skip ahead to the theme park or this will go forever

The bits in between feel more ambiguous to me

THESE LINES FELT SUPER ACE CODED

[Image ID: Piseang saying "If you just wanted to eat, why did you ask me to take you to a theme park? then Kawi saying "I just wanted to get the vibes. The thing that can make me the happiest is eating"]

Food over sex is a legit part of the ace community (the same way tucked in shirts and clear phone cases are part of the bi community from what I understand)

[Image ID: Kawi still saying "The thing that can make me the happiest is eating" now holding up a corn cob]

(If Kawi had held up cake here I would be ALL IN)

Then we get the rollercoaster metaphor!

[Image ID: Kawi and Piseang both looking at the rollercoarster, Piseang looks excited Kawi looks concerned/apprehensive/is making a woah face]

I’m just going to transcribe here it’s quicker and I’m running out of time before I go out tonight:

K: This is too much. Not this ride

P: Come on, Let’s try it first

K: No, I don’t like it.

P: You haven’t tried it yet. How do you know if you like It or not. You said you’d never been to a theme park.

P: If you don’t try it, it’s the same as if you’ve never been here

e.g. Coming to a theme park isn’t the same as enjoying the ride

Then P holds out his hand

P: If you’re scared, just hold onto my hand, Okay?

[Image ID: Kawi looking at Piseang]

K looks at Piseangs hand, Looks at Piseang, Looks at the ride and says

K: No! I won’t get on it. You can go alone if you want to. I’ll just wait here

And walks off

[Image ID: Piseang looks disapointed]

This again felt to me like a rejection of the fear as the primary motivation, he directly says he’s not afraid but he still doesn’t want to

I’m not sure about this scene in the car, it mostly just felt like Kawi was fed up at this point.

[Image ID: Kawi and Piseang in the car]

Possibly this scene highlights the different places there in and how Piseang is open to new experience and Kawi’s not? This feels more intimacy coded than ace.

Restaurant Scene

[Image ID: Kawi and Piseang looking tired in the restaurant]

Both Kawi and Piseang look so worn out in this scene, they both spent the whole day not communicating their true wants and fears and it’s left them all worn down

But Piseang doesn’t give up

[Image ID: Piseang saying "Whatever I did wrong today, you can tell me." and Kawi responding "Today was great."]

Kawi responds to this sincerity and reaches out to hold Piseang’s hand.

KAWI is the one WHO REACHES OUT, again this reads as specifically felt to me as a reason against touch starved.

[Image ID: Two images of Piseang and Kawi holding hands in the restaurant]

And then we’re in the bedroom (time skip anyone).

I’m actually not going to analyse this scene at all much. If Kawi is ace then he can still choose to have sex provided he and Piseang have communicated and if it’s intimacy issues then I also think it’s okay provided they’ve communicated first. ( idon't actually currently think Kawi is demi for the record)

(even when Piseang takes his shirt off, Kawi’s eyes stay on Piseangs face)

(although Piseangs do too actually…)

[Image ID: Two images of Kawi and Piseang after they have removed their shirts staring at each other. The first image contains the subtitle of Piseang saying "are you sure?"

(god his eyes are so big here compared to their often squintiness)

He doesn’t pull back but leans into the kiss. He’s clearly sure of his decision. I’m just not sure about his reasons.

[Image ID: Piseang and Kawi kissing]

Both Piseangs hands are on Kawi, but Kawi’s hands are straight down, I think this could go with either theory but personally on the few occasions I’ve made out with someone “what do I do with my hands?” loops in my head lol so I found this relatable.

Make of this what you will!!

Thoughts on Kawi and Kissing Piseang while he’s drunk

Honestly this doesn't feel weird to me, romantic attraction can involve kissing and drunk!kawi is just giving in to his confused thoughts and feelings, Aesthetic attraction can trick you too if you're not aware of your own identity (lol I had sex with someone before I experienced sexual attraction for the first time and felt very confused about why I didn't really feel like doing it again after even though it had been a positive experience, It was WILD), Kawi kisses Piseang because he likes him and is then confused about Why TF it doesn't feel like it's "supposed" to, *shrugs* make of that what you will.

Additional Thoughts

I’m reading into past future events now but I wonder about Pear and Kawi’s relationship.

Did they have sex?

There was clearly something fundamentally wrong with it, and the show talks about Kawi prioritising work, but it’s all a bit ambiguous and we never got any impression of intimacy. The fact that Pear is pregnant and Kawi doesn’t question if he’s the father, how long have they been broken up? Why did Pear seek out Not in the first place? Did Pear assume Kawi was gay because they didn't have sex??

ALSO

The scene where Kawi stares at Piseang while he was sleeping (Ep 9) I'm not going back to find it now or this won't get posted for like another 14 hours but it also felt ace-coded but I shrugged it off.

ALSO I HIT THE IMAGE LIMIT LOL

(@lurkingshan and @clairificusrex since you helped with my thoughts)

[rinbylin]

jokingly and also non-jokingly, the only tewaprom sequel I would be remotely interested in seeing (but also hope to never see) is saruj and cheewan's mid-life divorce but just ends up staying together because their lives and social circles severely overlap since they were kids growing up in the same big family. lol

groundbreaking for one of the most romcom franchises to ever romcom to conclude with casual discussions between the leads about their possible divorce and going with yeah shrugs if we divorce then so be it as long as we've tried our best. takes all the guts for that lol. and based on the latter part of their relationship's development in the show, I can absolutely see that's where they'll head towards ngl. I don't think saruj ever addressed the root problem of cheewan's inferiority complex and her reservations of being with him, and the writers instead make up some other strawman problem to deal with? lol. the dining scene with his parents was a disappointment - he never guided her to integrate into her world and just let her embarrass herself. even though the show seems to want to express that it's ok for her to be herself even in his world, the hell we know it's never really the case with jutathep's daughter-in-laws (but we don't talk about it and never will). she wanted to be presentable to the people in the palace but he never helped her, while she did everything to help him back at her home.

s1 never even really had issues of half-baked executions even when it's an instalment that's just plain boring and bad. the goal of every fem lead in the series is to learn to integrate into the family (yucks I know. this was 20th century seasia). sometimes it's a real problem that the show addresses and takes time to illustrate how it's overcome (piangkwan, krongkaew), and sometimes it turns out to not even be a problem (soifah, rasa), and one time there has never been a problem to begin with (maprang). for cheewan, they just completely glossed over it. yeah it's an old problem but we do still need to address it if it's presented as a problem in the story. but also cheewan's case is unique because in name she's like prang but in reality more like kwan and kaew. she has the same problem as what chai ruj was facing except now it's gender reversed - which makes for a thematic connection as a sequel but ironically it's also what makes it not as meaningful as chai ruj and rasa's. and when it comes to the whole display of "saruj is capable of integrating into cheewan's rural lifestyle" is basically nothing as compared to chai lek and soifah's story. the good thing about s2 (poncheewan) is i can see shades of s1 in it but conversely also, all s2 tries to do seems like an inferior shadow of the best parts of s1. rip

in all seriousness, I think the divorce conversation would be perfectly cool in another show and I love it. but also the jutathep series is literally the True Love is Real and Everlasting story -- that being said, it's not all fluff. it just has a very positive, proactive outlook in the idea of love. true love is worth waiting. true love is worth the hard work. speaking as number 1 dysfunctional relationships/BE enjoyer, the series is one of the few things in life I indulge in as an optimistic fairytale. for every pairing in s1, regardless my personal feelings for each of them, I could believe they'll love and grow with each other to the end of their lives. but the fact that poncheewan seems to have left a small crack in that fairytale perhaps is what invoked the wrath of many people. which basically sucks extra bad for me bc intellectually I get the disappointment but I also just have such a soft spot for poncheewan's premise(/tropes) despite its execution.

[hchollym]

Your hc of bill and Fleur getting divorced is something I don’t see often but I’ve had similar thoughts before!! I love both characters but I think it went to fast and there were so many differences between them that didn’t bring them closer. Potentially there’s a chance of it working but I, like you, can’t imagine Bill willing going to therapy.

Thank you! I’m glad that I’m not the only one! 😊

Yeah, I don’t think Bill would have any issues with his siblings getting therapy, but I just don’t think he would go himself (likely because of a subconscious pride and toxic masculinity thing - “It’s okay for them, but I don’t need it”). 

I’ll admit that I’m biased about Bill x Fleur, because I'm one of the few people that dislikes this pairing, which I wrote about in this post. I know it’s an unpopular opinion, but there are just so many things that bother me about them, so here comes a rant. 🤣

My Issues with Bill x Fleur

1. When they started dating, Fleur was just out of high school while Bill was in his mid-twenties. 

2. Fleur jumped into a relationship right after she moved to a new country and was suddenly isolated (physically) from her friends and family.

3. Bill never defended her to his family.

4. To continue with my first point, Fleur seemed like a lovesick teenager around Bill: 

“’E is always so thoughtful,” purred Fleur adoringly, stroking Bill’s nose.

...Fleur, who was now feeding Bill bits of turkey off her own fork...

“Did you hear about Florean Fortescue, Remus?” asked Bill, who was being plied with wine by Fleur.

There’s nothing wrong with that, per se, but it makes her seem too young (in my opinion), and they just don’t feel like a mature, established couple.

5.  I also think there's something to be said about the fact that they did get married during a war - yes, they could have definitely done so for the right reasons, but it's also possible that it was more of a reaction to the unstable situation that caused the feeling of "life is short." It's a little telling that Bill takes a desk job because of the war, and suddenly he's in a serious relationship with the woman he's going to marry. It could be a coincidence, but it could not be. 🤷‍♀️

6. Bill & Fleur seem to be the next generation of Molly & Arthur in terms of their relationship dynamic - the dominant woman and the passive man who only contributes when prompted. This is obvious by the way he never intervenes with Molly & Fleur and in scenes like this:

They needed Griphook. The goblin ate only grudgingly with the rest of them. Even after his legs had mended, he continued to request trays of food in his room, like the still-frail Ollivander, until Bill (following an angry outburst from Fleur) went upstairs to tell him that the arrangement could not continue.

I would assume that this does not suddenly change when they have children. Again, there's nothing wrong with that, per se, but it does make the relationship seem unbalanced, and it's unfair that Molly/Fleur are left to handle the discipline and be the "bad guy" most of the time. For many people, that would eventually lead to resentment because they do not feel like their spouse is contributing to the emotional work of raising children (unless specifically asked to do so).

7. This is more of a side complaint (not a major one), but we literally never see any actual conversations take place between them. They occasionally address each other in one sentence, but it’s never anything more than that, which is odd. We see each of them have conversations with other characters, but not with each other. Yes, Harry's perspective is limited, but he's been around them together several times, and we’ve seen conversations take place between every other pairing in the books (like Remus x Tonks). I don't know; it not a big deal, but it just feels off to me.

That's just my interpretation though, and it's certainly based partially on my own experiences in life/relationships, so feel free to ignore it!

Thanks for the comment! 😊

[thekrows-nest]

Uh silly question when jealous how would Krow act differently if he does act differently

Would he be a bit more pouty and sulky, possibly more aggressive, does he become more manipulative or is he still as honest as he is? Would he draw away a little bit at first or would he try to push more to even closer (emotionally and physically) to you more often? Does he try to hide the fact that he's jealous or is he very open about? (maybe so open he would tell you outright)

How quickly does he cool down from jealousy or what things would make him cool down faster? Is there a thing he would never forgive or would never feel better about?

Sorry Winn I shoved a tonne of questions in one ask. But yes yes, angry scary krow, my beloved (´；ω；｀)

Ahhh a Blushy ask. Making me put my thinking cap on. Okay here we go.

So it depends on HOW jealous/angry Krow is, but he does tend to act differently (a little or a lot) when he's in A Mood. Say if Dove is talking enthusiastically with someone, and Krow is right there, he'll be a bit sulky and pouty, standing close to them and even bops his head against their shoulder a bit like a cat trying to get your attention and saying (without actually speaking) 'no pay attention to meeee.' This would be his reactions more at a "low" jealousy/anger level. Mid jealousy/anger, he starts acting a little more aggressive. Same situation, he might take your hand, butt into the conversation, a stern expression on his features and asking in a dark tone "W-who is this D-Dove?" and either try to lead you away from the other person, or get whoever Dove is talking to to back off. If confronted about it, he'll get a little antsy, apologize some, saying he got uncomfortable, or that he felt something off about the other person, that he's just trying to look after you. He's still pretty honest, but depending on what you ask, he'll either dodge the question or just flat out not answer. Krow doesn't usually tend to be the manipulative type, that's something more he does if he's out of options. It's pretty obvious when he gets jealous (his eyes literally turning green with envy not withstanding) based purely on his body language, tone of voice, expression and so on. And he'll even tell you he got upset/jealous on whatever the matter was, although he may be a little bashful to admit as such.

As for what can calm him down, physical touch helps a lot (hugging him, taking his hand in your own), words of assurance. For something he wouldn't forgive/feel better about? That's tough. Krow's patience and tolerance for Dove is absurdly high, and he tends to put the blame on OTHER people instead of Dove, even if by all accounts and reasoning it IS Dove's fault. Like even if Dove cheated on him somehow (like kissing someone else), he'd chalk it up to the other person. THEY were the one that lured Dove away from him, THEY were the one that kissed Dove, THEY manipulated Dove. (And regardless, whoever that other person is won't be in the picture much longer...)

But it's also not just a matter of his jealousy, it's also a matter of his... well, for lack of a better term, sanity. A sane and jealous Krow is different from a manic and jealous Krow. And the latter is far more dangerous... But that's something for me to muddle and ponder on for another time.

(and you're just fine Blushy honey bun. I enjoy seeing your asks, even if I don't always get to them bsadkjfdf.)

[chimpoozle]

chimpoozle's Maison Ikkoku Facts #1 - Godai's Remark

Maison Ikkoku by Rumiko Takahashi is one of my favorite manga\anime of all time, if not my #1 favorite. And now that I am here on tumblr I will use it as an outlet to share things I find interesting about this series that I expect most people don't know. Since this is the first post in this series of posts I will start at chapter 1 of the manga, with an examination of a speech bubble whose nuance and context have been lost amid their travels through the barriers of language, culture, and time.

6 pages deep into the very first chapter of Maison Ikkoku, we (and the rest of the cast) have just met Kyoko Otonashi for the first time when she unexpectedly appears and announces that the previous manager of the main setting's boarding house has retired and she will be moving in and taking over as the new manager. It is clear from this first interaction that our protagonist Godai is feeling some kind of way towards Kyoko from the outset.

Below in Japanese is the scene I want to discuss:

Kyoko: 明日管理人室に入りますので.......きょうはこれで失礼します． Yotsuya: は, お待ちしております． Akemi: 土下座することないでしょ!!

Ichinose: まだ若いじゃないの．勤まるのかね？

Godai: いいなー，あれ．

Rough\literal English translation: Kyoko: Tomorrow I'll be moving into the manager's room, so please excuse me for today. Yotsuya and Godai: (extremely formal and polite) We will await your return.

Akemi: "You don't need to get down on your knees over it!!" Ichinose: "Isn't she still quite young? Do you think she's up to it?" Godai (watching Kyoko leave): "Nice...."

The line in question is the last one: Godai's "いいなー，あれ." To break this short utterance down:

いい = "ii" = Good/Nice/Attractive/Something you like なー = "naa" = A sound you stick on the end of a sentence or comment when you are just musing to yourself and not seeking approval or agreement from the listener. あれ" = "are" = "that"

いいなー together is a commonly used expression to indicate that you like something and you wish you had it, especially if you are jealous that somebody else has it. If somebody shows you their new car and you say いいなー！ It means "nice! \ It's so nice! \ Lucky you! \ I wish I had that! \ I'm jealous!"

As you can hopefully see, it is fine to make this statement when you are talking about an object, but when you direct it towards a human it sounds like a crude objectification akin to ogling someone and saying "nice. I want that." In fact he does call her "あれ" which = "that." It isn't a great look for our protagonist Godai whom we have only just met.

Let us look then at the original English translation of this line translated by convicted felon Gerard Jones and see how it was handled:

Here Godai's remark becomes "ain't that nice?" and I suppose it somewhat retains the feeling a skeevy, lecherous, ogle. I don't love this translation, but it's ok based on the Japanese. But there is also a brand new Viz translation of Maison Ikkoku which is so new that it (at the time of writing) still has 1 volume left to be published. So let's see what they went with for this line:

Here Godai's line has been significantly softened to "she's so pretty..." I would say that in this translation he escapes without looking like too much of a perv.

So which of these two English translations better conveys the nuance of the original Japanese? Well it is actually a bit more complicated than just a simple answer, because we are missing important context for this line that was known to the readers who were there when it was first published.

Maison Ikkoku chapter 1 was serialized in the debut issue of Big Comic Spirits (November, 1980 on the cover date, published in mid-October 1980.) If you lived in Japan in October of 1980 and read this chapter, you would be aware that Godai's line, "いいなー，あれ," is a reference to a series of currently-running television commercials advertising the Yamaha Towny Moped.

In these commercials, the owner of a parked Towny would return to find some stranger gawking over their bike who will then enviously get into a conversation with them regarding how いい it is. As the owner hops on the bike and rides away, the on-looker will say to themselves "いいな，あれ" as they watch them drive off into the distance. Just as Godai is watching Kyoko walk off into the distance from behind. Here is one such commercial on youtube:

Looking at this youtube upload now, I notice there is a 2 year old comment from someone mentioning this panel in Maison Ikkoku chapter 1, and how this seems to be the inspiration for that line. Many of the other comments mention how famous or nostalgic these commercials were, with one commenter saying he still uses "いいなー，あれ" to this day. Further down the page someone mentions the ad is parodied in volume 1 of Kariage-kun, a famous gag manga, which is another indication of how well-known this ad campaign was to people living in Japan at the time. You are meant to hear Godai speak this line in your mind with the same intonation as the on-looker in this commercial.

And for that reason, I would rather give Godai the benefit of the doubt for this comment that the new Viz English translation gives him. Perhaps even in-universe he is referencing these moped ads.

Unfortunately for him, even in Japan young people no longer remember this ad campaign, and Godai is doomed for eternity to be condemned by young readers as a lecherous, ogling, womanizing, perv just a handful of pages into reading this manga.

[moons-and-stars-and-shit]

Hey hey!! How are you? I hope you're doing well 💛 sooo I was scrolling down on tags and than I saw one of your matchups and I'd like to have a romantic matchup if it's ok ^^

Here I go heheh

About my appearance: Height is 5'3, I've got long and wavy auburn hair, brown eyes, small waist + lil bit thick thighs aand small hands

About my personality: I've got a really mixed personality kdwjbednjds (Sun: Aquarius, Rising: Leo, Moon: Scorpio, Intj) I can be either calm or chaotic. Actually it depends on people I'm hanging out with. I can be blunt from time to time, most of the time, I don't describe myself a very talkative one but I really am a good listener and I like talkative people. But when I start talking? I literally won't shut my mouth ☠️ I am a generous, supportive and caring person. Also a lazy one enbdndndnd and a sarcastic one 👀 what can I say? I love teasing people I love heheh

Hobbies ect: I was a vb player in highschool 2 years ago and a kickboxer. I can't do something without listening music, I can't live without music!! Also, I can play guitar and ukulele and I can sing, I love drawing :> I used to skate and I like swimming (But at the same time I'm afraid of ocean -only deep parts- and fishes.) I'm afraid of butterflies KSBEBNSBS I DON'T LIKE THEM but I love bees they're so cute heheh anyways. Oh btw my love language is absulately physical touch, and surprise!! I am a touch starved person 👌🏻 I sometimes buy food for street animals, I can't stay put not petting them if I see one ksjenejsnsnbs my friends are tired of this and once I saw a cat or dog:

Me: *gasp* AWWW HEY THERE BUDDY!!

Friend: Ah shit here we go again.

Heheh

That's all, I hope it's not too long. Have a good day love youu 💛

Well shit. Sorry, I forgot adding: I can't stand selfishness and injustice. And I like helping people. And as you can see, I am a smart-dumb one... Also I can be very insecure about myself, my mood swings sometimes and I love sleeping heheh that's all (really) sorry for spamming your asks 🤦🏻‍♀️ oh God I'm such a dumbass

Bokuto Koutarou

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐘𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐌𝐞𝐭

Ok

So he met you at the park

He was there just feeding the duckies

(I strongly believe this man has a routine of going to the park just to feed the ducks)

And omg

What a coincidence

There you were

Also feeding those majestic birds

You guys started talking about feeding wildlife and whatnot

And I feel like mid-conversation he hit you with the "so... you come here often" line

Cuz oh boy did this man think you were gorgeous

And he really liked talking to you!

After that day it sorta became a habit for you two to meet up at the park just to hang

Most of the time you both would bring food to feel all the little park critters

But you guys would really just chat

And on occasion play on the actual playground 444

It didn't take long for Bokuto to realize his feelings for you

I mean come on

He literally went to the park almost EVERY DAY to see you

If that's not love I don't know what is

And since he's just a bold person in general

He just straight up asked you to go out with him

And you being the sarcastic little shit you are responded with "jeez at least take me on a date first"

Jokingly of course

But Bokuto took you so seriously 444

So then he proceeded to ask you out on a date

I mean you still said yes sooooo

Things worked out in the end

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐀𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐘𝐨𝐮

He loves how your energy is very flexible

Like one minute you can be all crazy with him

And the next minute you could both just be cuddling on the couch in silence

Either option sounds like a good time to him tho 👀

He loves that your love language is physical touch

I think everyone agrees on the fact that Bokuto is a VERY touchy person

So the fact that your cool with that AND he gets physical affection in return is great 👌

Ok I’m sorry but it needs to be said...

He loves your thighs 😀

Idk man I just see him as a thigh guy

#ThickThighsSaveLives

𝐅𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐓𝐨 𝐃𝐨 𝐓𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫

Ok so y’all still go to the park and feed the duckies

And that is one of the MANY MANY things he loves to do with you

But he also likes to go skating with you

Roller skating

Skateboarding

Ice Skating

Ok maybe a little less with the ice skating....

He just can’t keeps on slipping ok >:(

But honestly y’all could be doing anything together

He just likes spending time with you ☺️

𝐑𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦 𝐇𝐜

Bokuto and you have opposite fears

Your afraid of butterflies

Bokuto loves butterflies!

Bu he’s afraid of bees 😀

I think if he sees a be he either books it in the opposite direction

Or just freezes

He always asks you to draw him something

And he keeps every drawing you give him!

After bragging about it to everyone on the team of course 😌

This man will NOT allow you to be insecure about yourself

He just won’t

He’s always hyping you up and complementing you

He thinks your beautiful and he’s gonna make sure you think that too

𝐀𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐲

When Virgo and Aquarius join together in a love match, they bring out either the best or worst in one another.

Virgo has a more rigid, theory-oriented approach to life. The poetic Aquarian approach, on the other hand, knows nothing of the scientific world. But these two lovers may actually thrive on their differences; they grow together as they learn about one another.

Aquarius tends to passionate and temperamental while Virgo operates more methodically, and with little fuss. Virgo is very organized and levelheaded. Aquarius is modern and finds routine unthinkable. Virgo will find Aquarius exciting but may become annoyed trying to probe this artist’s mind. Aquarius will be upset by Virgo’s criticism, but will find the solid base Virgo provides very appealing.

𝐎𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐀𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜

Nature

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

I don't know how to stop being so insecure when it comes to talking to boys or being with boys. I just don't trust them enough, and they make me feel so self conscious. I've been talking to this guy that I like everyday and stuff like that (he apparently likes me too) but sometimes I can't stop thinking that perhaps he's talking to other girls too, or his ex, or just isn't that into me (and I mean how can he if we can't see each other right now literally). +

I mean, even I get bored of the constant texting and phone calls. And tbh I was raised thinking that you can't be too available or easy with boys bc then they loose interest (which happened to me twice, confirming that theory) so now whenever I feel like I'm being too vulnerable or available I shut down (mostly when he leaves me on seen for a couple of hours, which I know seems childish but it makes me feel so insecure. I tend to overthinking every single thing). +

And I also don't know how other girls/boys do it, always finding something different to talk about bc I literally blank out and don't know what else to say. I've never been in a relationship so perhaps that's also it. I'm terrified of being the one to fall for the other person first, of being the one more vulnerable; the one who feels the most for the other person. I've never been in that situation and I don't want to. +

I’ve been waiting a while now but I think the last part didn’t get through. Feel free to send it again for clarification if there was some more important info in it. But I’ll try to give you some thoughts and advice based on those three messages.

If you want to get less insecure I guess it’s important to figure out where that insecurity comes from in the first place. And obviously that can be many little things that add up. From what I read in your messages you seem to be struggling with your self-esteem and almost can’t believe/trust that someone really likes you when they say they do. You can only get over that by working on your self-esteem and learning to believe people when they say they like you or are interested in you. And that can be a long process that does involve vulnerability as well as moving towards the edges of your comfort zone. Maybe it could even involve therapy if you want to give that a try.

Rejection is part of life, unfortunately, but that also means you have to learn how to deal with it in a healthy way. It’s also a little bit of a desensitisation thing where experiencing a negative thing will (ideally!) show you that you can get over it and survive it - so next time a similar thing happens your brain goes back to the previous experience and goes “I survived that before, I can do it again”. But sometimes for people who struggle with mental health and/or self-esteem that mechanism doesn’t work.

And you mentioned some bad experiences in the past where people lost interest in you but it seems that made you even more insecure instead of leaving you with a valuable lesson. But that’s really not your fault. Either those guys were assholes who didn’t like a woman who is more open about sexual desires? Or they just sensed an incompatibility. And in that sense they really did you a favour because someone who’d drop you after you are “““easy”““ is really not someone you’d want to be with anyway. If you’re a woman then this sort of behaviour from men (and being taught that stuff from your family and friends) is pure misogyny and slut-shaming which is where maybe some sex-positive and queerfeminist environment could help you to feel better about yourself. Hurtful as the rejection may be you shouldn’t react to it by trying to change yourself and make you into a different person. Be yourself and eventually you’ll meet people who like you the way you are. Someone who only wants to play games and loses interest as soon as you show you want more isn’t worth your time.

As you work on your self-esteem that should also trickle down on that jealousy problem. You say you worry that boy you’re talking to might also “talking to other girls” and that made me pause a bit. Maybe because I have a bit of a different look on relationship things, I don’t know. But what really is the problem about him talking to other girls? Does “talking to” mean something much more committed these days than I think it does? I assume you mean you and he are being a bit flirty via text/phone? As long as you haven’t agreed to be in a monogamous relationship and as long as he didn’t tell you you’re the only girl for him or whatever - then he has every right to talk to other people. Not to mention that “talking to” doesn’t have to mean anything flirty or sexual or romantic. Even if he’s in contact with other girls he might just be friends with them. And he should be allowed to do that even in a committed monogamous relationship. (In fact I am highly suspicious of men who cannot be friends with women.) So though I understand that those jealous feelings are born out of a fear of rejection and low self-esteem that is something you will have to get over or at least learn how to deal with in a way that doesn’t sabotage your relationships. Trust your partner (or potential partner) when they say they like you or love you.

Entering any type of relationship involves trust. You cannot have a healthy relationship without trusting the other person and making yourself vulnerable. And if you’re not at a place in your life right now where you can do that then maybe you’re just not ready for a relationship and have to work on yourself for a while. I don’t know your age but since you talk about “boys and girls” instead of “men and women” I’d assume you are rather young. And I am not that old to not remember what teenage angst (or the leftovers of it that can stretch into one’s early/mid 20s, especially for queer people) can do to someone in terms of sexuality and romance. It sucks feeling like you don’t know ~how to relationship~ and some negative experiences can have a big impact if you don’t have the tools yet to handle it emotionally. So I want to also let you know that there is no rush. If you don’t feel like your mental health is in the right place for a relationship right now then you don’t have to force one into your life. Relationships can be a great thing but do consider them a bonus to life, not a must-have. I wasn’t emotionally stable enough to genuinely enter a relationship until I was 27 and looking back I am absolutely not feeling like I was missing out on anything in the ~10 years before because any relationship I could have entered during that time would’ve been a catastrophy.

One more thing which might seem a bit trivial at this point in my reply but whatever lol you say you don’t know how others keep finding new topics to talk about... first of all: it’s not just your job to find new topics. If that boy is interested in keeping a steady contact then he should also ~say something~. But really you would just talk about things that interest you. Maybe you can watch a movie “together” via discord/zoom. Something like that. But the burden of keeping the conversation flowing shouldn’t just be on you and if someone doesn’t put the work in then maybe they aren’t worth your time either. Which again, doesn’t mean you did something wrong. It means you know the value of your time and energy and feelings and if someone wastes any one of those then you better be moving on.

Maddie

[patchdotexe]

So, I have a character who is a system, and I wanted to know before I develop them further, how does DID work, from a personal account? I really really really don't want to accidentally create yet another TOXIC misinterpretation of a real condition (because I know how horrible that can feel), and I hope I'm not saying anything wrong even now. (P.S. I love your blog, but I'm too shy to come off anon.)

hey anon!! it means a LOT to me that you sent this message :D theres a lot of really messy-bad potrayals of DID in the media so seeing people actually going to the effort of asking systems abt their experiences is really heartwarming for us. (plus the fact that ppl keep asking us in specific abt system stuff omg,,)

im gonna preface this by saying that, in the end, i can only really talk about my own experiences with full confidence. systems can work pretty differently from each other, but this is how we function and also some details ive noticed from system friends + general discussion over the years

so, to start off: Dissociative Identity Disorder is, at its core, your brain trying to respond to trauma in a pretty severe way. that being said there ARE systems that didnt experience severe trauma and still developed, and im not really sure about the mechanics behind that but i find it really cool and it totally exists. im gonna focus on trauma-based systems bc that’s our ~tragic backstory~ and also tends to be what most people opt for when creating system characters anyway, but the only real difference from what i can tell is, uh, a lack of trauma.

I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR ME TO SAY THE WORD “TRAUMA” A WHOLE LOT JFC

(system friends are welcome to reblog with corrections or added info!!)

anyway. the way your brain responds to things is really weird. if something happens where you’re just, like, completely unable to handle it, like you dissociate yourself so hard because there’s no way you can manage this, your brain has a chance of going “uh… well, fuck, uh” and generating somebody who can manage it. or it might decide to be a dick and take all of the fucky internalized garbage and turn it into a person whose sole existence is to be an asshole. (they have the potential to get better, i think… ours didnt.) honestly theres a bunch of reasons and a bunch of “roles” that could lead to an alter/headmate* forming.

* we use the terms interchangeably depending on mood and whos fronting. i think its supposed to be “alter” is DID, “headmate” is implication that theyre non-traumatic? we like using “headmate” because it brings this fun mental image of us being a bunch of roommates constantly starting shit with each other and goofing off which is pretty accurate about 75% of the time

i keep getting distracted bc my cat is here. this is gonna be fun to go back and edit.

whatever the original situation is, you’re suddenly not alone in your own brain. and it’s REALLY WEIRD. communication was VERY hard. Icarus, our system original, used to do a very “cliche” thing of sharing a journal with their early headmates, where theyd write a sentence and then theyd write a reply (although back then they didnt realize that was a system-related thing and just thought they were having a fun conversation with their ocs. which… they were, just. Actually Talking.) they didnt have any inward perception of themself or their headmates either, so that kinda built up over time (with some help) along with the appearance of our headspace so that there was… actually a location for people to interact in. once they had a better awareness of things, mental communication got a bit easier– its sort of like background chatter really, when everybody’s awake. sometimes i get weird out of context things from Mae yelling at somebody, or sometimes ill be talking to a friend and someone’ll butt in.

when talking out loud, this usually leads to us suddenly stopping and then laughing or going “no!!!”. when on discord and around people who know who we are… well.

speaking of Mae, she’s pretty much my sister. not like… biologically? because i don’t think thats possible for me, but shes kinda literally my “other half” which ill get into later. headmates can have strong attachments to other alters! friends, best friends, family, dating, whatever. they can also do that with people outside the system, and itll be different for each headmate. there’s like 4 people dating Jorb but i just see him as one of my best friends. we’re people and we have complex social interactions that can get to be kind of a nightmare when you’re around a bunch of people who don’t know that you’re Not Leo and that youre suddenly not super up to existing around people in general.

plus even if like… so Jorb’s dating 4 of us like i said, but his relationship w/ each of them is different? Ica is very clingy and likes rambling to him, Summer’s pretty much just always happy to hang out, Mae makes fun of him a lot but in a loving way, and Leo is… kinda “all of the above” because that’s his gimmick. plus even tho a few other alters have a sibling-ish relationship with Mae like i do, usually its just me and Mae that do the “chaos siblings” bit.

the basic system.. thing… is that there’s “front”, which is being in control of the body– so, like, i’m currently fronting/in front, because im the one currently active and using our computer and staring at our cat.– and then theres the headspace, where everybody hangs out when theyre not in front. the headspace itself can differ in style & functionality for each system, and i think theres some systems that dont really have a location at all? but for us its like a full on location where we have individual rooms, places to visit if we get bored while away from front, etc.

theres also like, being at/near/away from front? so currently im in front, but Leo is pretty much always lurking nearby if he’s awake (we have individual sleep schedules that dont always sync up to the “irl” one, Trust is almost always sleeping), Ica’s somewhat in the back talking to Rookie so i cant really make out what theyre saying (its probably about either a youtube thing they both like or about a comic they want to do), and everyone else is either asleep (in which case they could be nearby but i cant currently “ping” them, so id have to actually take a sec to ground myself in headspace more) or in a different room. communication is easier if im in front and somebody is nearby, or it can be like with Ica rn where im like “well, theyre talking, but i have no idea what theyre saying and am making a guess based off their usual interactions”, or i could pass off front to go talk to Ica and come back (in which case my memory would be kind of vague and weird because information doesnt always properly translate), oooor i could actually go bug them while still in front. which.. im not gonna do rn bc then id get super distracted.

switching front differs between systems a lot! and even varies from day to day. like there are days where we wake up and we have absolutely no idea who we are bc we went to bed as one person and woke up as another. or we could be talking to somebody and then realize “wait, i stopped being Leo a bit ago, who am i”. or we could pass off front to somebody, like if Summer really wanted to front sie’d run up to me and let me know and we’d swap. or if something critical happens (usually a breakdown), Leo or one of the other headmates that’re more built to handle stressful situations will literally drag somebody out of front to make sure they dont hurt themself. or sometimes we throw front at people unexpectedly, like either mid-breakdown where we go “okay i dont wanna be here anymore, tag youre it” or sometimes because we think its funny because its the metaphysical equivalent of getting clonked in the head with a dodgeball, except the dodgeball is “being in control of our shared physical form”. usually mae’s the one that does that lmao

there’s a couple major categories of how alters come about. there’s “walk-ins”, where they kinda just… appear externally? like they just show up. sometimes we get a feeling of “huh. i think somebody might be here? or somebody might be showing up soon.” and have to rummage around for a while until they approach us or we find them. our walk-ins aren’t like, inherently aware of system stuff at first, so they usually get a crash course before they first front (if they choose to front at all) and it can be kinda entertaining. Rookie’s a walk-in! also Hiro, from a couple years ago. most of our walk-ins are fictives (fictional characters, usually appearing in response to us getting extremely attached to something or somebody) but a couple of our trauma splits are also fictives so that’s not like, a Rule or anything. i think these are mostly associated with non-traumatic systems but we get em fairly often so man idk

theres also… uh, i dunno what theyre actually called? we used to call them “constructs” but that sounds kind of mean. these alters exist to fill a specific role! and we usually dont talk about them on here with the exception of one major one, they just kinda hang out. Dhe exists to keep the system stable and manages the “backend” so to speak. Imp is kind of a mix of our intrusive & impulsive thoughts that came about from us trying to separate ourself from them so that we had an imaginary entity to go “nope!” at, which… stopped being imaginary, and is now a gremlin that lives in my brain. they can show up in response to trauma but arent split off of somebody, they kinda just pop into existence to help manage things.

the more… well-known, i guess? alter origin is “trauma splits”. rather than “just showing up one day with no real connection to the system origins”, trauma splits are formed when somebody in-system, uh, splits. it could be in response to a single situation or something built up over a long time, but somebody just kinda breaks and somebody new that has a bit of the original alter’s identity (if kinda influenced by the situation) shows up.

this can vary. All is a trauma split off of Leo himself, who got saddled with all of our brain hell about our ex and their insystem appearance is influenced more by eir than by leo which is… something they struggle with. Mae has a trauma split from a similar situation that is “Mae but from 2 years ago”, so basically her old identity before she reworked herself after getting put through total hell. and then uh… then there’s me and Mae! Icarus quite literally exploded into several people, with Pat (me) and Mae being the most distinct ones. we’re STILL finding out alters used to originally be a part of them that later evolved into their own people, like Summer and Toby. my identity is shaped pretty heavily not just by who Ica was at time of splitting, but also what they wanted to be jumbled together with trying to rationalize what was happening to them (they’re a pretty big fan of megaman star force, which has a media-typical system in it, so they leaned into hard “its like pat and rey from mmsf! i like pat, i wouldnt mind being like pat, its scary but im like one of my current favourite characters” and so i ended up being like, half-weird shapeshifter, half-green-haired prettyboy. and yeah thats where my name comes from!)

(Ica got put back together w/o anybody needing to integrate, which we were all very scared about, and it’s still kind of surreal to me because… me and Mae used to be able to stick ourself back together and thats how we found out about what happened to Ica in the first place? and we havent tried that since bc we have no idea what would happen. Ica 2: Ica Harder?)

despite their origins, trauma splits can be way more than… being a split. :V;; Toby’s not just a tiny splinter of Ica, he’s a quiet guy that gets stressed out and isn’t totally sure how to interact with people. i’ve existed for like 7 years at minimum and im a totally different person than i was when i thought i was still Ica, ‘cause ive had time to grow and change (and a problem Ica keeps running into now that theyre back is… they kinda Didn’t change because they were MIA for 6 years.) like everything else though this is variable– there can be “temporary” splits that dont develop properly and might get integrated back in, which has only happened to us when we were at the lowest point in our life where we were stuck constantly splitting to try and cope with whatever the hell was going on.

so Ica was gone for 6 years, which meant our system was without an original or main– there wasn’t anybody to be head of the system, basically. for a while i was operating under the assumption that i was Ica, so i filled in that role for a few years before i made the realization. eventually i kinda… stopped being able to, though, bc of stability issues, and then we were back to not really having a proper main anymore. to make up for it, we started going by Leo collectively and kinda… trying to pretend to be a single person? and so that ended up creating a construct to fill the role of “system main and the person we pretend to be when passing as singlet/not a system”: Leo himself! he’s kinda the most prominent traits we all have in common rolled into a single guy, which means that not only is he a pretty good system representative but we can also pretend to be him pretty easily (unless it’s someone like Toby who acts totally different). i dont know how common this situation is, i think normally it’s just “if system original is gone, another alter steps up” like originally happened to us before i had a severe case of problems disorder.

uhhh this is very rambley bc there’s a Lot to cover and now im trying to figure out how much of it i HAVE covered. systems are complicated and weird! OH WAIT okay i have one last bit.

so like, for us, first realizing we were a system was total hell. we fought a lot. as more alters showed up through various means, there were times where Ica felt like they were completely out of control of their own life bc of having to manage everything. there were a lot of panic attacks of people fronting and not being sure they were even REAL, despite… being in front. but we still felt like we were deluding ourself. this was in, like, late 2011, so systems weren’t a THING. they were a very fringe community that everyone hated. we got constantly harassed, which only fed into Ica’s panic hell and our identity issues. interpersonal relationships became a nightmare, especially because we have BPD as well which varies in severity for each of us but… for me it’s pretty bad! there were times early on where every day was another fun new breakdown from us arguing with each other or our friends or not being understood or… etc.

so… how are we holding up ~7 and a half years later? pretty well, actually! we talk to each other. we do things for each other, like buy food or games we know specific headmates like. Ica is back and way happier than they were in 2011, and is thrilled to get to hang out with everybody that’s showed up since. we help each other through problems, because at the end of the day our system ended up being a support network. Ica couldnt function on their own, so we’re like… 10+ people working together to try and be a single functional person. and we feel pretty okay with that! we still fight, and we still start shit, but we’re not in constant crisis anymore. we’re still working through all of our trauma, especially the more “recent” stuff that kinda broke our system for a while until we were able to start rebuilding, but we’re doing it together. :D

so… yeah, it can start out as a stereotypical “nightmare system”, with constant infighting and toxicity and self-sabotage and etc. but we worked through it! it took a while, but we’re overall more stable than we were before. we got out of the bad environment that was fucking us up, we got mental help for our other brain hell (we havent been able to bring up the system to our therapists bc its literally a non-issue now and we focus more on other things like our depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc), we found people that support us for being us, and we were able to like… figure things out. and it was a mess! i still have issues about my own identity because of literally thinking i was someone else for two years. Ica’s still trying to figure out how to adjust to things, especially bc they missed our entire “cringe culture” phase so they came back to find that i’d dismantled a lot of their middle-school settings. and, uh, some of their friendships as well.

systems are fuckin weird

[aeliii]

Understanding the world at large is not actually understanding much (and I don't mean this in the Socrates way)

Today after a night out with my friends, I ended up with a conversation about life and the beauty of existence with an older man who seemed to have lived a hard life (at least told us his last few years have been difficult). He told us about how he used to have it all, a pretty stable life with monetary gain but kept chasing numbers and how that chase always kept him dissatisfied. Everything was vibing, and we were getting real insight, until my friend mentioned about not being able to handle human contradiction and I started to ask him questions una genuine interest about how a man saw the world, how it was it for a man, specifically how can they live their sexuality so inhibited (“when you go to a bar with the intention to fuck, whether you do fuck or not, regardless of the outcome, do you ever feel shame at all for your action at all?”) he went around in circles and started talking about how we are all animals and we have instincts and mentioned how he does think I am hot and would fuck me. I paid this last comment as no mind m, seeing as I understood he was trying to further the point about how we’re both wired to reproduce, in our most primal level. This I understand fully, and my understanding of this led me to completely let slide the fact he especifícalo kept mentioning us in a hypothetical sexual scenario. Slightly offended, but for the sake of the conversation I understood. Then I asked, going off this point, if we’re both understood to be wired to reproduce, why is it then that men don’t feel shame and are so inhibited about their sexuality and women aren’t? Or if it’s a neutral process of just reproduction, why is it that the hypersexual outward expression of male is tolerated and rarely is questioned/censored whereas for women they’re placed in such extremes, but if they decide to be specifically outward, even in the slightest, this is automatically scrutinized and question by everyone. Since he kept mentioning how yes he would try to fuck and maybe men are mostly bad, and how sometimes he’s not as good and he’s the one to beat himself up and how he was raised as certain morals, which I agree are factors in all of this, he never answered my questions directly, do you or do you not feel shame or the need to self regulate your sexuality ? Then I decided maybe sexuality is just too sensitive of a topic, especially outside of a dive bar at 2 AM so I explain to him, if we all have masculinity and femininity and we understand that this is part of the wholesome of an individual, why is it that a the wholesomeness of a man is respected/acknowledged/taken more seriously/made in a higher manner than the wholesomeness of a woman? Why do women do not get taken as seriously as men, why is it that we don’t regard as women’s band in the same way we regard The Beatles, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin (all male bands), and as a man, do you ever feel that you can’t accomplish your dreams, goals, that people question your abilities and integrity based on your gender?

Again, he couldn’t just give me that answer with that specific focus. It seemed his scope of perspective was focused on spiritually, money and morality at large, but he didn’t seem to begin to scrape the surface of what I was trying to ask hin. I was super respectful, very very calm and made my question and clear and concise as possible.

At the end our ride got there, and I said to him “I hope you understand I wasn’t trying to attack you because you’re a man or anything like that, but I simply am asking you your perspective as a man because I’ll never be a man and I don’t understand but I’m trying to” he said no worries and good night and that he loved us and it was all good and nice like when we first started the convo. But I felt feeling a combination of weird icky emotions.

For one, I felt like I just made this dude feel bad, when we started off the conversation on a very spiritual, hippie, “freedom come from acceptance of life,” and the general struggle of the highs and the lows, finding the mid point, how money and possessions can consume you, how you just learn to be yourself and appreciate yourself. He had called us beautiful and said he loved us and I believe his sentiment and I think it was genuine as I have felt those feelings and thought those things as well: the amazement at the beauty in each and everyone, in the world at large, how easy it is to love.

But when I tried to get into more specifics of understanding, I feel this is when the connection felt apart and led to us ending in a sour way.

Indeed, perhaps I used stereotypes and he used some women ones, but I feel I have seen this male behavior and I was able to accept the female behavior he described cause I have either done it myself or experienced it in my life, experienced it with people close to me and with people I’ve known. So there, I admit it, I believe, that as a gender, at least to some extent, I can admit to some wrong, I can admit to maybe having contributed to the catiness attributed to female dynamics, attributed to certain stereotypes, so if in wrong and you’re wrong, then we’re do we meet? But also, I felt I went as far as to say hey if I’m wrong, the alright, I admit it, but please let me understand from your male perspective how I am wrong. Meaning, if as a woman I am this and that then tell me with evidence. Or me, trying to relate to man, put my experience as a woman and ask “does it happen to you too?” If we consider we are more similar than different, then tell me so and be very specific as I will try my best to truly understand you?

And idk he said something about how men know they’re more similar to women than they like to admit or even let us know. I thought this was interesting but was not able to dig deeper.

I’m not really sure what I was trying to do, perhaps I shouldn’t have probed so hard a a single man’s view, especially since he could or could not be in a good place mentally, emotionally, physically, etc (he could or could not have been on a drug, idk), but the chance came to me out of nowhere and from the common ground that I have developed with him about the world at large and spiritually, I felt safe to even go there, in a genuine effort to understand, that it’s not about being angryfeminist and attacking and, and perhaps I could truly see where men are coming from and what can I do to better understand?

And like I said perhaps this was just this particular man, and I’m not going to put this universal all men judgement based on this sole encounter, but once again, when I tried to talk about gender differences with a man, especially the topic of sexuality, I simply feel like I am not being listened to, or at least that there is not as as much amount of effort in them to understand me as a woman in the same way I’m trying to understand them as a men? And in no way do I ever perceive them admitting to their wrongs, that perhaps, just perhaps we’re not just all angryfeminists but that we have legitimate arguments and valid views that are actually observable and are things that as individuals MEN NEED to take accountability for and perhaps don’t feel so self-assured in continuing such behaviors and being so fast to point the finger elsewhere and be in complete denial about the whole thing.

I don’t know how I feel, I feel conflicted cause for one I felt it pointed to the limits of my empathy, and felt narcissistic that I felt sad because it showed that I am actually shallow. Second, I just felt so confused as to why isn’t anyone explaining things to me when I’m communicating in a very neutral, objective way, based on your experiences, as in trying to understand very specific angles to this whole confusion in gender politics. I was so confused that blanket statements that kind of related but not entirely, were used to answer me. I was so confused that I was saying HEY I COULD BE WRONG, I just wanna know how it is for you, I was not receiving answers. If I’m asking you how and why, it’s because I don’t understand because my experiences did not give me true opportunity to see through those lenses, but you bet that I will try my damn best to come to that understanding regardless. So please, literally explain this to me as you would to a child. Be fucking specific, give me evidence. Say it all, I want to know.

I feel better now talking about it. I think perhaps I approached it wrong but now I feel like the whole “the world is a beautiful place, all is love” universal hippy feeling is just shallow and as self-congratulatory and useful as its opposite racist, hateful and all-phobic counterpart is. What good is universal understanding if you just overlook the specific context ?

I feel that that universal understating and love is the first step, and probably a feeling that drives you, feeds your soul and overall is amazing and should be respected. It’s necessary and it shows the genuine kind heart of the human soul. Nevertheless, I do not think this is enough. You cannot say you love everyone and accept everyone and tell me you know absolutely nothing about who everyone is. Can you truly love someone you don’t understand, much less someone you don’t even try to know?

I know I know, this is probably exaggerated as it is impossible to know everything, and of course that includes knowing everyone and knowing everything about everyone. I know my gender discussion excluded other individuals and experiences from queer folks, non-binary people, LGBTQ+, and I didn’t even touch upon class or race. With this man I saw someone who was more or less similar to me, middle class, cisgendered, straight, I disregarded race because I was interested to see what this man had to say as a man and what could I do with those views to better my understanding of women and how society views them (and like I said, consider the possibility that perhaps just maybe I was being too sensitive or I’m not being judged as harshly as I feel, or I’m just in one way or another wrong, and holding a faulty view that came as a result of a faulty belief.

But I feel frustrated. And at this point I don’t think I ever saw any worries in this man to self-regulate and take personal responsibility of himself than I do as a woman. And nowhere did I feel my questions were truly being answered even as I stood there with open arms, ready to accept any answer, as long as it was his truth to what I was asking him.

No. So now I don’t know. I just feel like saying a big NO. Not even in anger, not even in a fuck men or fuck the patriarchy type of way, but in a NO I will not tolerate this any further. no.

I’ve tried so hard, crossing so many times beyond the point of naiveness, but I just feel so frustrated that the weight of actions inflicted upon me are placed UPON ME. Meaning it is I as a woman who has to self regulate my primal instincts and emotional, expressive needs and be understanding of the outside world when the outside world does absolutely nothing to understand me and regulate its negative actions it has on me based on my gender.

And sorry if his parallel is wrong, but never did privilege seem to click, and white privilege, and rape culture, and the inability to truly understand another based on the fact that it has never and will. Ever happen to you (tell me, do white people truly understand the extent in the historical pain felt by Native Americans and Blacks? Do men truly understand the extent in the historical pain felt by women? Do the rich a wealthy ever understand the extent of the historical pain felt by disadvantaged countries that came about as a result of capitalism ?)

Idk but this conversations touched upon a lot of subjects and it truly cemented the fact that this society doesn’t make any sense, and that’s not just a nihilistic wushu-washy “but fuck it we all try to live the best way we can’t without ever knowing wtf we are doing” but in a more concise and extremely revelaba point that it makes no fucking sense to marginalized groups people, it makes no fucking sense to place money above life, human life and nature, hell planetary life, that it makes absolutely no fucking sense to continue in such a consumerist hyper-anything never ending gaping hole of an existence with no absolute regard, true regard, to the life and the people that have been long before us and that are directly affected negatively by all these absurd systems and ideas we all hold so dear a mighty as a way of living.

NO.