#like its.. complex. but i dont feel like theres anyone to talk about this stuff with in my immediate queer communities yknow?

[codes-and-stuffs]

i will always remember that trans asian guy i met in my first year at uni because he was very welcoming about being a queer person at uni but he also warned me that i would feel a disconnect from my white peers in any queer community and the truth is he was so entirely right...

[whoviandoodler]

you ever go into a tag for a show or whatever and find several painstakingly created gif sets from interviews with the actors where they're just like. fully mocking fans? talking about them like they're the most despicable thing on this earth kind of bitter mocking. and on the one hand you're like, okay, i get it, fans can really be shit and get overly parasocial and think you owe them something beyond the work you created but on the other it's like. bro this makes me not want to engage with anything you do at all. ever. you don't have to sing your fans praises but you can do them the basic courtesy of professionalism and not ridiculing the entirety of everyone who both engages with your creative work and whose interest ultimately results in your paycheck.

[myfandomrealitea]

saw ur post about going incognito into spaces and stuff and i wanted to add my own thoughts about my experience of basically being stuck in places where proshippers r hated (not against wut ur saying! i definitely agree that theres no benefits and honestly its not that fun)

the fandom that im currently in is.. very toxic. someone got harassed to the point of having to delete their account bc they "supported" a proshipper (it was literally just them saying that u shouldnt harass this person just bc theyre proship-). a lot of my friends were very supportive of this person and agreed that ppl shouldnt be harassed over shit like that and many of them seem to have similar viewpoints as me (anti harassment and all that) but prefer to stay away from that stuff

the fandom is basically ran by antis. theres a small corner that some ppl have made where they talk about proship stuff freely (love those ppl so much theyre genuinely so nice) but overall its. not the best place to be if ur proship. which is interesting to me bc theres actually a shocking amount of proshippers that just... dont say anything. on my side blog ive had multiple ppl interact that i thought were anti (or at least just. not proship in some way) but would literally go and like all my posts about incest ships of the characters.

and sometimes i think about it and how theres actually a bunch of proshippers but we're so heavily harassed and silenced that we just- dont say anything. but the fandom is small and we cant exactly separate ourselves from it if we really like the show. and i feel especially bad for some of the bigger blogs that ppl love and adore bc i know wut would happen if somehow ppl found out and made some big post or wutever.

i dont pretend to be antiship but i dont outright say im proship unless i really trust that person

im currently trying to make my own lil space with some friends so at least if anything goes wrong i at least have a few ppl but its a bit scary to think about honestly-

Although it can be full of snot-nosed superiority complexes, I do recommend using the AO3 Subreddit in order to find likeminded people for your fandom. The very vast majority of the AO3 Subreddit is proship or at least proship neutral. Antis are generally eviscerated on sight whenever they try to poke their nose into it.

If you have any other fandoms that you are active in or have friends within, there's also no harm in introducing them to your small fandom.

From what I understand the Marvel fandom did kind of the same thing you're describing with the Starker shippers, but they flourished and supported each other anyway.

I know its easy for me to simply say 'do it anyway' as someone who generally could not give a fuck about anyone's opinion of me, but honestly. Do it anyway. Form your little collective. Support each other. Learn how to write and draw and make GIFs so you feed your own portion of the fandom. You physically do not need those people, it just unfortunately takes a bit of effort and means potentially a bit less content until you start really generating your own.

Fandom spaces do not start out from nothing. Promote the shit out of your fandom. Draw people in. Comb through the proship tags and send asks to blogs like mine asking other proshippers to check out the source material.

People in small fandoms are easy to bully because you're so enclosed into this circle of the exact same people. They happen to be the majority in the room and they're weaponising it.

Force them into a bigger room.

[cconfusedkat]

i think i sorta know how i want to build up each of the bishops/allure together ,,

Leshy and allure are the fun ones together,, leshy thinks hes finally found another person to "annoy" but in reality hes found his perfect spouse to match that energy of his and for a love of fighting to bond with them ? Allure often thinks he can be a bit too much ,,but they like his leadership when it comes to missionary parties being sent out ,, they think hes often misunderstood ,, probably the first person to understand him more properly than anyone else before ,,, still doesnt stop him from nagging allure by randomly tazing them in the waist or going "TAG" and burrowing himself under the dirt (WHICH IS AN UNFAIR POWERPOINT!!!!!!!) (<- allure textbubble)

Heket and allure are also a fun bunch :-] but theyre both more emotional than the realize ,, heket doesnt like opening up nor does allure so they sorta bonded in that,, allure likes that shes overprotective of small things such as insects or being a collector of stuff ,, they could probably name a billion things about her ,, heket just finds them cute tbh 😭 like yeah she CAN be emotional but thats not rlly her whole thing ,, shes probably the one to make allure angry first cuz of her chaos she puts up when being paired up with leshy behind the scenes- allure is overly cheesy and heket is NOT !!! I hope that can summarize them together better LAMDOADM allure is an overanalyzer and heket just. Doesnt care? I mean she Does care its just shes also an asshole ❤️‍🩹

Narinder and allure are. Herm. Quiet ones? Together....? Narinder keeps more to himself often than naught. Allure is the number one oversharer of the yap-century. Paired together you get an annoyed cat being forced to listen to someones struggles for three hours- though jokes aside theyre both not too silly together, theyre probably the most domestic together ,, they both know how it feels to lose family so thats why they feel so bonded together ,, thus being in a qpr cuz their friendship goes a little more beyond than a normal one... yet they dont really experience romance normally together either? So qps it was :-] youd probably catch these two spending time alone indoors or outdoors, mainly for narinders preference. Theyre both quiet extroverts KAMDOAKDSKF

Kallamar and allure are constantly beefing but shi has a weird soft spot for them ??? Like yeah hes a fucking bitch (/lovingly) just like his sister as well as lacking empathy but he sorta just. Has allure as an "equal" person if that makes sense (npd term mainly) ,, she typically despises everyone even allure but sometimes theres just something sweet about them that she cant quite pin down? (Which then he screams in his pillow about and complains about why shes in love with a stupid lamb) ,, kallamar and allure have their moments sometimes where one or the other is rlly nice such as being taught or given something small and they both go like "WERE THEY JUST BEING NICE TO ME??????????????!?!!?!?!?"

Shamura and allure also happen to be a little complex. Allure locked shamura up for a month when they were indoctrinated out of anger as well as not wanting to deal with a dissenting shamura all day?? Shamura attempted to kill them when they were released , which almost worked if it werent for heket interrupting and breaking the fight. Years later from those events youd surprisingly see allure and shamura spending time together near the graves, as shamura smiles nodding their head while listening to what allure talks about the whole day,, allure wanted reparations as an apology from shamura ,, shamura obliged and a year later they accidentally fell first for them ,, however allure did manage to fall harder ,, theyve still got issues to work on together (accidental arguments occuring sometimes or miscommunications) but theyre the second most domestic,, shamura confessed first shyly while allure sobbed cuz they felt silly for not being able to confess first 😭 these two are playful on occasion but theyre relatively calm, spending The most time together at eachothers places, doing whatever,, shamura does scold allure more than the others

So basically its like ,, leshy/allure are matches who are funny together and playful with some hints of being charmed by eachother,

heket/allure are matched for different reasons but nonetheless they can still find that time to be goofy and flirting with eachother (that of which heket still easily wins those) (hints of vulnerability here),

narinder/allure are calm and collected more often than naught ,, some hints of playfulness when the timing is right ? Otherwise def more serious together

kallamar/allure are literally just enemies flirting (with occasional "sorry!" "are you okay?" "good morning")

shamura/allure are conflicting personalities that often clash, but can be found domestic together,, sometimes arguments occur while other times they do the best they can for eachother for both secretly feeling very guilty for the other treated another

[genderstealer2000]

How do you start gender hoarding? I know that it might sound like a stupid question, but you see, I live in a place where trans people and nbs are looked down upon but lesbians and gays are ok. (rural Australia)

I felt weird coming out to my bf as a demigirl( I am AFAB) and he knows I’m a furry, but doesn’t know about my alter humanity (questioning therian)

So my view of gender is very “traditional” and where I live there’s only really female, male, trans and (very rare) nonbinary. I also have highly suspected autism/ self diagnosed yet I don’t see gender in a way I hear people with autism do, probably due to my upbringing

I want to know from a person like you who knows the “newer” ways of gender how I should gender hoard and not stick myself to just the traditional genders

its not a stupid question at all!! ill do my best to answer! so i identify as agender transmasc. agender goes under the trans umbrella and nonbinary, but i dont see myself as gender neutral i just have no gender. now going more into the transmasc, just means i feel more masculine. doesnt really effect the way i present my gender any differently, hmm i guess i dont really know how to explain it. i dont understand the concept of gender, i dont understand a lot of social constructs, i honestly think its sort of unneeded. my gender is complex in the most noncomplex way, its vast and its tiny. ive made my own genders based off of feelings and intrests, i think thats the best way to get started with genderhoarding. making your own ideas, analyzing yourself. (personally its helped me become more aware of who i am!) imaginationnnnn!! creativity!! make something up, no ones stopping you! the way i view gender is its what makes you, you. it doesnt have to make sense to anyone but you. it doesnt have to make sense! some of the things i tie in with my gender are the rustling of leaves in a forest, fog in the early morning, large fields, chaotic music, soft stuffed animals, the smell of pavement after it rains, soft piano music, acoustic guitar, the moon some of those things are real different!! and those are some of the things that i view my gender as! i think its a lot easier too with the internet, theres a ton of people who have similar ideas and interests so they also make genders, sexualities, and flags to go along with them.

i have a board on pinterest that i frequently add stuff to, i could link it here if you would like! i also save just anynthing that pops up if it remindes me of my friends or it seems cool. it doesnt mean i identify with it, but its cool to read about them! i keep track of them in a notebook as well!! my genders relate to my hyperfixations, mostly. Hyperfixations and anything that i can relate too! ex. horrormasc: a masculine aligned horrorgender. fits both definitions (1: a horrifying/all over the place gender, and 2: a gender related to different horror genres) raingender: a xenogender connected to the rain scenekid/scene neutral, oldwebemoic, onlineboyic, endspacic etc, etc. dont feel rushed at all to tell your boyfriend! when i started feeling more comfortable telling people, i made sure to have articals pulled up to read, notes etc. so it would be easier to sort me thoughts? get it out more smoothly. i also wanted to talk about self-diagnosing!! i hear so much negative about it, but honestly, its good to research and try and find out things about yourself. that my opinion. and not for longterm, just for a bit until you can get evaluated. gahhhhh self diagnosing is valid and it makes me so mad to see people who think its not. granted, some people to just see a couple things and "oh yup got that" but when you really spend time looking at signs, symptoms, traits it can be very beneficial in the long run, and also just to check before you go get evaluated also i apologize if this is insanely long, or if it makes no sense. im sleep deprived, im trying to fall asleep gahh i hope this helped even a little bit!! if you want me to expand on anything or explain anything further feel free to dm me!

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas <3

cw/tws for medical stuff, complex family relationships, discussion of death

so, for context, im a regulus black kinnie (itll make sense, give me a sec aha). ive got a difficult relationship with most of my family, but most especially my mother and older sister. my sister is a lot like our family's sirius (except if he still had walburga's narcissism, cruelty and manipulation), and she really doesnt get along with either of our parents. my mother is... a difficult woman, in that she likes to victimise herself in every situation, shes homophobic/transphobic/all the phobics, shes also very narcissistic, and likes to make uncomfortable comments without bothering to be nice about it. all in all, i try not to be around her much. im also supposed to be moving out soon, and planned to minimise contact as much as possible once i do.

to the point: my mother was diagnosed with cancer yesterday. my father (hes kind of a neutral party in the family dynamics, btw) was the one talking to me about it, since she's in hospital at the moment. he said they caught it early enough where a bit of chemo over the next few months should get rid of it and she'll be okay, but 'cancer' is a scary as fuck word. he also then told me that this isnt her first time with it — she had a different type of cancer around 20 years ago.

honestly, i feel like my brain is battling itself about how i should feel. on the one hand, ive been looking forward to not having to be around her now for years, and i hold very little love for her at this point. why should i care? she'll be fine at the end of it anyway. but shes still my mum, yknow? and i feel awful having these thoughts about how badly ive always thought of her and how much ive wanted for so long to get away from her and how it almost feels like this is some sort of sick fucking joke from the universe about how i should be careful what i wish for or something.

this whole situation keeps making me think about regulus in best friends brother(? i think thats the right fic) or p much any modern au where walburga dies so tbh ill probably end up writing a fic about it to cope, but still i just... i guess i needed to tell someone? my father asked me to keep it to myself for now so that it wasnt spread around where we live (its a small area; everyone knows everyone).

and the bit with my sister - as i said, she doesnt get along with our parents. i dont talk to her much anymore either because she seemed to inherit a lot of our mothers worst traits, but im afraid that if we do talk about this then she'll have some awful thing to say about it. she makes some really dark 'jokes' sometimes about suicide and death and such, and im nervous that she'll say something about how she hopes it kills her (again, my sister fucking sick, and has zero empathy), because shes made similar jokes about other stuff in the past. i also dont think she'd understand that im still afraid for our mother even after everything shes done, and i hate the way my sister turns on me and rips the piss out of me when she doesnt like what i do.

it all kind of circles back to how im supposed to feel, i guess. part of me wants to not care and brush it off, whatever, but theres still part of me dying for my mothers love and approval and is terrified of losing her, even with the low possibility.

sorry this got so long, and for how heavy it is. i hope youre doing well cas, and thank you for all you do for us <3

Hi hon!

My god, you ARE a reg kinnie.

Here's the thing- there is not a RIGHT way to feel about those things. You have a complex relationship with your mom, so of course you'll have complex feelings about the situation. You don't need to feel guilty for feeling any certain way, because there's no right or wring way to process this. You're allowed to feel scared and neutral and confused and ambivalent. That's okay!

Your feelings aren't a betrayal to anyone, and you have a right to them. You also have a right to any action you choose to take. Remember to do what feels right for YOU, because YOU are important.

I'm here if you ever need to talk <3

Naming you reg kin anon.

[thedroloisms]

yes theres no doubt a large disparity esp on here when other communities outnumber this one in size. I mean to say the new wave over-saturates this behavior, when they all share the common mindset of "at least my guy is not as bad as that one" they conform to putting a controversy in the back of their mind because they never expect their guy to be subject to that limelight or little things that get dream lambasted for because they take part in it. Making sure their punching bag stays as that only punching bag. And seeing it happen to them is such a foreign thing to experience, so they have find ways to cope with it even if it means to drag a name that has nothing to do with the situation. It's my thought process at least that the critical thinking the general community adheres to will always be based on bias and malicious take-downs to make themselves seem better to a wider range beyond theirs. Its so naturally performative too, their statements have like a veneer of snarkiness to it that you can clock right away. Using "she didn't say anyone so we shouldn't speculate" and ignoring the deliberate details she dropped, makes empathy look like a smoke screen to deny or not talk about the person who everyone knows is in plain sight. I understand its a sensitive subject to most people but seeing the evidence of her spoken word be accused of being associated with leak stuff in order to blame something other than their guy is so disgusting. So thats why in this situation, seeing the stark differences as an observer, I can't help but laugh too otherwise I would go mad.

i'd say in my personal experience, older fans tend to be even worse about the "my guy is a good guy and better than dream" rhetoric specifically bc they cling to their experience in choosing "the right side" as giving them a moral high ground. a lot of said people are specifically even invoking dream's name in terms of decision-making in this situation, basically saying "ohhh this situation isn't like the dream situation, if it was like that then obviously i would've dropped him" or on the flip side being like "we can't be like dream fans, guys, we have to Drop Him and call him an awful inhuman monster #fuckmen" etcetera whatever. obviously there are plenty of problems with newer fans as well but i've seen pleeeenty of people acting in stupid ways who were specifically here for the allegations against dream in 2022 (including something i saw earlier which made me laugh a little bit - someone going "look i cant support abusers i used to be a dream fan but then the allegations dropped and i stopped supporting him because i didn't want to look bad :( i dont support will gold anymore but i will continue to draw wilbur soot" like ???? okay) - i feel like new fans are more of an issue bc they take this attitude from older fans and parrot and amplify it, but honestly i wouldn't really say new fans are the root of the issue (though obviously their lack of supporting a Bad Guy in the past factors into their superiority complexes in the present)

while there have been quite a few idiots making this situation about dream (some people outright accusing dream, though honestly i think those people were just trying to deflect the situation onto their favorite punching bag rather than making an actual accusation - and a lot more people bringing up the dream situation specifically to soothe their own complicated feelings because Obviously they care about victims and Obviously they care about holding Bad People accountable) - i feel like the majority of what i've seen from people other than the copium is just a lot of people going all :( support shelby #believevictims don't speculate, which is. wow. crazy to me as well to consider it leak to ... talk about literally publicly available information? like leaktwt is when you listen to music lyrics now i fucking guess.

you really, really do have to laugh, honestly. i didn't know what to expect from this situation but my god, i did NOT think it'd be this bad

[vqnillaclouds]

guys im having another anxiety attack. i hate this. why do so many people think its okay for women to watch gay adult stuff. gay guys dont like women. they dont consent. i dont consent. its about the character, the canon. go watch a thing on bisexual people, not gay people. stay away. this behavior is just a pipeline to harassing gay guys. and even if you dont, its still gross. the idea of watching people do stuff without them consenting to you being there (canonically cuz they dont like women) is just gross real or fake. gay guys are a marginalized group of people. we dont consent. we already face enough as it is. i want to have online spaces safe for gay guys. but it doesnt exist. yaoi this yaoi that. the reason why its bad is that women watch it. its not a fantasy it represents gay men. the whole point is that theyre gay. if youre a woman and youre getting off to the idea of gay men thats just gross. thats not a fantasy. any version of this behaviour is bad. if you watch fictional cp but dont do anything to real children is that okay? no its not. its gross. and when people do that same stuff to gay men its still gross. its about consent. and we, kids, and any other group of people who dont consent to being viewed in that way and wouldnt ever consent to that irl, dont consent. even if we take away the sexual aspect to it, its bad. like is playing games about targeting and killing jewish people but not doing it irl bad? YES IT IS!! i recognize theres nuance to this subject but i feel like we’re pushing down anyone who speaks up on it. can we talk about it?? and bring in gay men to the discussion as well?? and not say someone has a saviour complex for speaking up without being a gay guy??

[shadeslayer]

I completely agree those are great points, I'm hoping he won't be a sadboy the entire time because that can be really exhausting, but I won't lie my primary motivation for wanting to read the book is I really want to know more about Thorn, I think he's really interesting and I'm hoping the story will focus more on their bond and Thorn healing from being magically forced to grow. It sounds like it's pretty soon after the end of inheritance

YOOO OKAY. you have SUCH a good point actually. we havent gotten Fuck All about thorn. its been too long since i read brisingr and i only ever read inheritance once or twice so i may not remember, but do we even *ever* get a pov from him or murtagh communicating with him and showing his internal landscape at all? bc i dont think we do, at least not one with any real insight into him or his mind

YEAH !!!!!! gd like the thing of thorn being forced to grow and hatch is so insane is the thing and i do actually really want to see what that really means for him. because i remember like.. i think it wouldve been a quote from brom or oromis probably about shruikan, where they say how shruikan grew dark and twisted internally bc of it all. but i cant remember if theres a quote like that about thorn, i feel there might be?

and this concept of like. the dragon hatching and the eldunari is all really cool on its own but like that dragons are sentient pre-hatch and that thorn iirc was forced to hatch for murtagh and then forced to grow as well, and this discussion of a twisted broken mind re: dragons under galbys control... it introduces this concept of thorn being "born broken" in a sense. like hes already been abused before he was even hatched and then all hes ever known is that and has only ever been able to take comfort in the (forced) connection to murtagh. and murtagh connecting to this bc of his childhood abuse etc but that thorn is like. it goes even deeper for thorn bc it was pre-hatching, but also that it raises consideration for what murtaghs childhood fully looked like outside of the little we do know, and it just AWOOOOO its a really good concept and ur actually so right i might have to read it just to see what thorn is like and what goes on there

thats honestly too part of why im wary about canon murtagh stuff - because his character touches on/brings up a lot of *really fucking interesting and complex* questions and issues about abuse and mind control and trauma that i dont know if i would trust anyone outside of like, some random ao3 author with a 30k slowburn backstory fic to have the chops to really do justice, yknow?

like as long as we're talking about old fandoms i was deeeep in that mcu back when the 2012 avengers came out and i got hooked into clint/hawkeye particularly the fanon version and theres some really good fics exploring like, post-avengers (2012) what that would look like for clint in recovery from mind control esp one where he was aware of everything he was doing but was powerless to stop himself from it (or, some interpretations consider, if his mind was warped into truly being happy/relishing it/wanting to do it) - esp if he had been abused as a child and still had that trauma to reckon with. and theres only a few fics that i really would say "THATS a Good Fucking Job writing it" and thats in a fandom with like hundreds to thousands to who knows how many fans + massive fanon pushing that type of longfic into popularity and giving lots of diff takes on it

[a-wild-things-rambles]

hi the post above finaly got me to wright down alot of my thoughts to do with john and the community's hes been part of and how that affects him [through my eyes as a younger person in alot of the same community's, looking at the people who have lead similar lives- minus the occult stuff[mostly]] its long but there is a tldr

[for context my tags on the post: #especialy “John wouldn’t probably own a bisexual flag ever or have any pride memorabilia”#that really made something click im my mind for john#alot of they way i approach john is through the lens of an old punk#idk how to explain but you have these people that are subtely off from the norm but normal people cant quite put a finger on#and you could never tell from looking that they say go to all the protests and riots and sing for the tories to die#theres people who wear it proudly#and people who hide it because of others reactions#or just cause its personal and not strangers buisness#i feel john grew up with people having enough reasons to put him down. hes not handing them more#but also theres a difference between pride in part of your identity and showing other ppl and strangers it#some stuff is very personal- im p out and proud queer but there are some other apects of my identity that im very proud of#but dont want to shout from the rooftops#cause its personal#and i think thats how john feels about his bisexuality#its part of him and i dont think he hates it#but its just. a part of him#sorry for the long tags tldr your right and i hadent thought about it like that but it makes alot of sense#john constantine]

I always feel it’s important to look at the character and the history, and not ascribe newer ideas and things to older characters- i think there is a lot of value in looking at how john would approach it differently than lot of people now- especially looking through the groups has been part of, the people I know like john [northern, working class, dysfunctional family situations, bounced around alternative groups and subcultures] sexuality isn’t really a big thing? people are accepting of queer people but. it’s just not a thing that’s announced, gender roles are being broken by most people anyway and there’s just this acceptance and disregard of labels that tends to come from being in the mixed community of all types of people who have all had millions of different labels - I found out that two of the people I consider my aunts are both bisexual cause my mum was joking about how they can pick anyone but neither have had a long term relationship. it’s just so casual, you love who you love, and you are who you are and it’s not really anyone’s business- i found out an old friend of both my parents was a trans woman- unfortunately I never met her before she passed- but I wasn’t told until years after I came out as trans because it wasn’t a big thing, just one part of the identity of an old friend. I think it’s hard for a lot of queer people to see someone talk about 'oh we don’t care about the labels' and how it’s not that important, but the way it is now and was seems to be the true ideal of that idea- no one cares about the labels- if they turn you down they turn you down, if they correct the pronouns they have corrected the pronouns, "be who you wanna be do who you wanna do". You’re the captain of your fate.

I mentioned bouncing around groups and labels, and it’s something I see a lot of irl and very much informs my view of john, I am part of a community of people who have all been through different subcultures and groups- rude boys and metalheads and hippies and punks and travellers- all having stood against the mainstream but found no one label fits them. most of the people I have met at the gatherings have very complex identities- rude boy to punk to post punk- hippie to punk and so on, the mixing and combining of subcultures to make something that’s the best of all the things you love and are- I know we talk a lot with john about him being punk/expunk- but he was a hippie for a while and has been part of many subcultures- to view him as a binary- punk and then post that, seems reductive- I know these days people have ideas more solid borders on subcultures, you’re a punk or a goth, rude boy or hippie- disregarding the long history of people being part of both or multiple groups- and the groups that form from those overlaps. so yea I think it important to acknowledge that john has been part of many subcultures and that informs him- especially the identity issues due to not being wholly one thing, it’s why my community is great- no one is simple, it always a mix- folk and punk, ska and folk, dub sets played on fiddles and banjos- it’s about celebrating our defences, and coming together in our differences to appreciate and celebrate the complexities and contradictions of others, and the things that come from that. one love and all that.

we are the sum of our experiences- and we should celebrate that!

but it comes to a point where you get tired of breaking down all the influences and your just you. are you punk? are you buy? are you a rude boy/girl? are you gender queer? you get tired of the labels and boxes and are just you- after all YOU are the sum of your experiences. other people can look at you and try an analyze you but that’s their thing- your you and the labels that used to matter don’t as much- your comfortable being you, you like some of the music some people do and some music others do- you dress like this but also like that. labels and trying to be a certain thing can get tiring, it’s easier to just be you. it’s a long road to get there- and a hard one to- but as much as I revel in being part of a group of people with the same experiences as me- it can get tiring having the only parts of my identity they engage with be the part we share- god knows I’ve made lots of friends through queer solidarity but sometimes I want to be me not the labels, to be looked at in three dimensions, its why there is a community of people whose best answer to most questions is 'it’s complicated'

ok that ran away from me but that’s why I think johns identity is complex and his queerness isn’t a big thing he shows of.

tldr: often people who go from subculture to subculture trying to find something that fits them get to old and tired to make themselves into the latest thing and no longer can be asked to care about labels and end up content being them and if u wanna try and break them down into all the separate identities then that’s your thing but it’s a bit weird mate. And that’s why I agree that johns not loud about his bisexuality.

[softness-and-shattering]

@hunterarden hello! Do please ramble!

[Re: from comments. For future ref of where am i responding from]

How are people saying that the show is sexist? Thats not something that stood out to me, especially in comparison with the books. Kinda ableist that to get power Yennefer has to become beautiful/its the same process. And the racism of making Francesca's actor look white/super pale especially next to Fringilla. Theres always room for improvements, but sexism specifically?

Lemme think ways the books are sexist that the show isnt, offhand:

1. Fuckability scale from minors to elders

2. Everyone sleeps w Geralt and is jealous about it. Specifically Triss and sort of also Fringilla. Triss drugs Geralt to rape him iirc and it seems like Fringilla is using just her natural charms but its not totally clear. And at Thanedd all the women are throwing thenselves all over him. And its framed as like ooh sexy protagonist getting all the girls. Fucking. Page one of book one a teenage trainee priestess of Mellitelle just....drags her boob on him while hes sleeping and then leaves and Nenneke I think is there like hmm yes normal behaviour.

3. Multiple women are casually described as nymphomaniacs. And theres that random woman getting herself off to Ciri fighting in the arena in that town, was it Jealousy? No after that. I don't remember the name.

I was talking to some friends who pointed out that the books are like, 80s-90s feminist in that women have power and also important plot roles. And not just magic and scheming, Ciri is a witcher and theres the General woman...Pretty Kitty? And Milva and the Brokilon women and Mistle. Very Strong Independent Women TM, not as much on the complex and flawed side of things but thats more recent developments in whats considered good characterization, more or less?

And in the show there's all the fighting and scheming and magic stuff, with the women being conventionally beautiful for sure but thats also hollywood standard that people are conventionally attractive thats not especially sexist?

And re characterization, like with Shaerawedd the show is doing interesting things with Ciri and Geralt (and Calanthe) and neutrality/fantasy racism and what being a leader means especially for someone whos descended from both warring factions/races. And we've got the Falka model of burn and terrorize which Ciri leans into with the Rats and in the show I have a sense of what Ciri is thinking and what she values and what she wants. Same with Geralt and the neutrality and whats-her-name from Blaviken with the brooch that he leaves behind bc if Ciri is with Nilfgaard then he cant be neutral anymore. By Lady of the Lake, I dont know what anyone wants. Geralt decides he's no longer a Witcher and doesnt want to help people but that feels very sudden rather than gradual character change. Ciri is reactive, dont know what she actually wants or who she wants to be. (Also why all the politics at the end, who cares what happens to Cintra if it doesnt effect her?). Yenn...wants to be a mother but shes kind of dumped in the ?afterlife with Geralt and not Ciri. She doesnt even get to choose she just passes out and Ciri decides for her. (Also Geralt spends 3 books trudging around after Ciri and in the end he discovers the castle by stumbling upon a secret listening device that just happens to be listening to the exact conversation he needs to hear at the exact time he's there? And then we get semi-foreshadowing that he's dying of cold in the pass but oops he's not anymore hes at the castle at exactly the right time? Its all just chance? Im less mad about the Ciri portal because that was set up from the beginning of LotL but...oh and then Emhyr is like k I'm making sure Geralt and Yenna die and Ciri's coming with me, sike you can all go free just because. This is not how you pay off storylines! And thats not even getting into the mess of the themes! Hey everyone worked very hard but their work wasnt what mattered it was chance actually and people just changing their minds for no reason. Oh and um dont know what to do with characters when their plot role is over? Mass murder for everyone! All the Rats, Cahir, Angouleme, Milva, Regis, yeah theyre dead now in random unsatisfying ways that also doesnt do anything for whatever exists of their storylines still. What is Ciris existence in the new world? Fuck if I know, shes in Camelot now!)

Oops I got off track there 😂. Theyre just not very fleshed out as characters even all these books in. Even like, Fringilla is just The Nilfgaard Sorceress That Seduced Geralt. Francesca is The Elf Sorceress. Half the people of their secret sorceress council idk who the fuck they even are. Theres Phillipa spy lady, Yenn, Triss is a good friend, Fringilla and Francesca...one with a short name and one with a long French-sounding name who isnt the one with the illusory jaw bc she died. The Other Elf. The Other Nilfgaardian. I dont even know how many Im missing.

Tbh in the show also some of the sorceresses blend together a bit, especially when theyre in a whole group like at the experiment castle, but the ones I do know have stories and personalities and ambitions and yknow. Characterization.

Genuinely where is the sexism and how on earth are the books more feminist than the show?? What are the arguments?

Finished Lady of The Lake (Witcher)

SPOILERS -- Im frustrated and confused with the ending, this isnt particularly complimentary.

And um, what the hell? Is this like a narnia afterlife situation? How did the horse end up in camelot, WHY camelot, why is Ciris future suddenly with this random knight? Why camelot? Am i supposed to be happy? I guess its independence but its not, its just a different world with different rules and politics and complications. I get that we're not doing happily ever after but like.

Kind of feels like the whole party died so the author didn't have to write endings for them. What did the unicorn even achieve, Ciri doesnt need him to travel.

Also a thing thats bothered me the whole time, why is everyone stuck on ciris theoretical future children, why is SHE not destined one? Why is everyone trying to get her pregnant at 16?? Ive never seen a story where the male protagonist has to have kids to secure a prophecy and everyones throwing wives at him. And i dont like the implication after all that that ciris gonna end up with galahad. She should be a lesbian. She cannot be the only descendant of the elder blood, and what were the elves even isolating those genes for?? What was the point of lara? There was no saving the world from politicking or future climate catastrophe.

Its already not a happy ending bc everyone is dead. It just feels like sapkowski didnt really know how to finish things? Lets just throw in some big fights ok now what let everyone noodle around uh guess Ill kill them off now ok. Ciri doesnt even get to grow up. Cahiras scary and significant and then he's just The Fighty Guy of the party, no more complexity there.

And what the fuck is with emhyr and his incest plan? Why does everyone want to fuck ciri including her father?? "The child o sore will be important" YOUR DAUGHTER IS YOUR CHILD BUCKO and then he just lets her go and didnt leave anyone with a knife for Yen and Geralt because why??

Honestly the sexual violence, the fact that every woman is always "provocative" and we always gotta mention their cleavage and fuckability, its so incredibly gross. Especially with everyone wanting to fuck or impregnate ciri. Who is confirmed to be a minor in-world.

Obviously I found the story compelling enough to keep reading multiple books but all these cool concepts just were not executed through. Just an entire book of everyone trying to fuck a child instead of literally anything else. The villain deaths werent satisfying. The protagonist deaths were cheap. I dont remember who the fuck caleb whoever was or half the people referred to in the last quarter of the book even though ive been reading these books fairly close together.

I kind of hope the show does things better but who knows with cavill leaving.

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

wait, wtf, I feel like that??? Should I have a check up? (same nonny as the last one)

RUH ROH RAGGY 😭😭

why does this keep HAPPENING to me!!! 😩 either i dont have aspd and its something more common or a LOT OF YOU SECRETLY HAVE ASPD

so i guess heres the "so you think you have aspd" guide!

hold off on a professional diagnosis. this is echoed by a fair deal of aspds, especially here on tumblr. (theres an aspd community on reddit but yk... its REDDIT....) a professional diagnosis does nothing for you as there are no medications for aspd, and it CAN be used against you to discriminate against you and, worst case scenario, forciby institutionalize you. if you REALLY wanna know for sure professionally, you can, but im just making known a Community Opinion

RESEARCH. YOUR. SYMPTOMS. are there any other disorders they could be caused by? a good starting point is ADHD, autism, and other cluster B disorders. look at the clinical stuff like the dsm/icd criteria, but the crucial point here is the experiences of people who have the thing. having symptoms and daily life explained through the lens of what its like to have them, versus what they are clinically, is gonna be crucial to figuring this out.

i'd reccomend your-aspd-dad for aspd, and npdsafe for npd! i dont have any blogs for bpd and hpd, though, sorry :( your-aspd-dad is a goldmine of aspd experiences and they even talk about comorbidities (with autism and npd, which'll make the aspd traits manifest differently. for instance, im not criminal or even outwardly mean because i care about my reputation to a grear degree, which is the npd kinda keeping the aspd "in check" as it were)

i just talked abt it but yeah remember comorbidities exist. its like pringles man, once u pop u cant stop, except a mental health version. once you snap... oh crap!!

avoid sensationalized bs. just... stick with personal anecdotes, theres a lot of aspd misinformation out there. and STAY OFF QUORA PLEASE STAY OFF QUORA. LISTEN TO ME. DO NOT GO ON QUORA. HEED MY WARNING

and just because u have the Emotions Thing, its not a set in stone deal that u have aspd! try not to get tunnel vision looking into this, and dont forget to 💞🌈✨️ believe in yourself! ✨️🌈💞

but yeah the mmmost important things to remember are that theres a lot of misinfo and mental health is varied and complex. from what ive seen about aspd, its a very "youve met one person with aspd, youve met ONE person with aspd" kinda deal. im not exactly like any of the your-aspd-dad mods or anyone in the actuallyaspd tag or my brother and if you DO have aspd, you might not be anything like me!

(no really, if you doubt yourself too much ur gonna second guess urself constantly)

good luck!! god i hope i dont secretly Not Have ASPD haha that would be wildddddd anyway!!! good luck??!? have fun??!?!?!?!?!?!?!? AAAAAAA!??!?!?!

[heliianth]

(i'm that anon) DON'T feel bad i think it's interesting talk all you wish. i never finished that trilogy so it's the same thing as a video essay about media i've never consumed

LOL noo i didnt think u did it on purpose i just have a guilt complex or w/e but im taking this as an invitation to air my grievances outside of tags SO.

I Just Don't Understand The Decision to align the end with the books. i've never Read the books but i Do Know that they are extremely different (because i've heard abt whats up and i'm just not super interested so ive never checked em out) and HTTYD1, while awesome, is not a faithful adaptation in any sense of the word. and KEEP IN MIND. from what IVE HEARD. the relationship between humans and dragons in the books is more fraught and unfair than the one in the movies. like ive heard stuff about slavery and pets. but the movie makes it almost a Point to say that the dragon riders treat their dragons equally and every place in which the two coexist do this as well. theres a reason why Hiccup calls Toothless His Best Friend. in the books it makes sense to separate the two groups, because there was genuine harm being done no matter what happened and separation was the best solution, but in the movie-verse the relationship being fought for was mutually beneficial and also had real, tangible support behind it that was having payoffs. idk if there was like a deal with Cressida Cowell for the end of the franchise but it did not work with the context set up by the other two movies. ur telling me all these dragons who bonded irreplacably with their riders, their best friends, wouldnt say "hey, fuck you, i'm staying"? they ALL went to this secret hidden cave after facing a bad guy that doesnt even seem that intimidating after u watch RTTE? like that love wasnt strong enough to defy everything? <- U KNOW. THE POINT OF THE SERIES.

speaking of which, HTTYD is like almost obnoxiously in your face about its theme of disability. the first movie is about a someone who can't do things everyone else can (kill dragons) who befriends someone else who also can't do things everyone (other dragon) else can (fly), then they help each other and make themselves and the world better for it. Hiccup makes Toothless a mobility aid and Hiccup literally becomes an amputee at the end of the movie and its framed as a moment of connection and understanding between the two rather than a tragedy. in the second movie, the villain is literally someone looking to enslave all dragons using the big mind-controlly dragon (i have some issue with the whole "the alpha protects them all" theme of HTTYD2. i get what they were going for but i don't think it was executed super well. the rest of the material introduced is super solid despite that tho imo) he abused since birth and Toothless broke out of it because of the depth of his attachment and then proceeded to beat the big dragon's ass to protect Hiccup. the entire theme being set up here is about strength in compassion, acceptance, and togetherness. these stories about outcasts proving themselves inherently worthy of love due to their difference and connection and not in spite of it Are The Type Of Stories most marginalized communities latch onto for obvious reasons. u see it literally everywhere—thats why the queer community calls some movies "queer movies" even though there might not be any characters that are actually queer. this type of setup is actually almost like a gateway for authors to address these subjects when it might otherwise be censored because it's so fucking prevalent and recognizable.

and i dont know if the directors or w/e Knew This and i don't want to accuse anyone of anything because they were clearly very, very passionate but introducing a Girl Character (I UNDERSTAND THAT the light fury is a different species and this is why she looks so different than Toothless but imo... she still falls into the "softer pink small female design" trope because they could've chosen to Not Make light furies look like that, especially bc every female dragon and even human design has been pretty good beforehand, so what changed?) with which Toothless falls in love with Immediately and is on screen for a total of EIGHT MINUTES who causes him to leave Hiccup forever without much thought is like the One Thing u dont do when u have themes like this. the movie tries to frame Hiccup's care for Toothless as clingyness but like... ur kidding me. HUH? THIS WAS NEVER A PROBLEM. Hiccup and Toothless being inseparable was Always framed as a strength that helped themselves and the people around them. thats why i sometimes talk abt HTTYD3 "hetero-ifying" the series. it tries really hard to deliver a "mature" message about ~*: . ~ letting go what you love ~*: . ~ but this was completely unnecessary if you think about it for more than two seconds in context with the 2 other movies and EIGHT SEASONS of tv shows its placed in. there was NO REASON for the dragons to go to the hidden world. Grimmel was no more of a threat thematically than Drago or Viggo. he had badass powerful dragons on his side but his motivation was the same Narratively. what made him Win this time? it just makes the entire thing feel like a cheap grab at tears and toy figurines in order to seem more adult than the other two despite its incoherency—Hiccup says the dragons will stay away until the humans can learn enough to deserve them, but they won't learn if they're separate from each other! This Is Like ABYSMAL post-hoc justification for the decision to have the dragons leave. and then the very end of the movie has Hiccup finding Toothless again (who FORGOT HIM? thats almost offensive) anyways, because who cares, whatever. anything for the audience to cry.

i dunno. i feel like despite the amount of care n passion put into HTTYD3, it's really.... not in the same spirit of the other two. all of the movie-verse media contradicts its message and themes, and it barely addresses this in a way i think is acceptable for the level of care n passion that was put in. there must've been thought and consideration here, all of the people working on it must've loved what they were making, so that's why i dont Get why HTTYD3 is the way it is. it's existence leaves the Entire Franchise feeling really hollow—without it the franchise is a statement about the power of love and belief in a better world, it features characters struggling to help themselves and their friends live in happiness no matter what challenges they face. with it, it says that these things are childish and something to let go. that the determination to make things better for yourselves and the people you love in spite of all the horrible people telling you otherwise is immature and needs to be grown out of. thats so fucking awful, dude, and thats why i don't really get how people who love the themes of the other media in the series can like the third movie.

anyway. LMFAO. this will probably be the end of me complaining abt this movie bc i addressed basically all my issues and id feel annoying repeating stuff in other posts. love u nonnie ur very funny.

[sleevesareforlosers]

do the rest of the diner crew know that party was reeducated and was almost a “perfect citizen” til he snapped out of it? how much of that story do they know and how does/would it affect how they think about pois???

oh this is such an interesting question holy shit. okay okay okay

first off, if poison knows it, kobra knows it, and anything kobra remembers from before reeducation, party knows as well. its the one thing that they are 100 percent completely and wholly open about with each other, even though its weird and hard to talk about. the thing is, even they dont have the full story. kobra was like eight when poison was reeducated, party doesnt remember anything from before it and hes foggy on the first few years after it and kobra started having his own issues to worry about when he was like 11 so 'the mystery of whats up with my weird brother' wasn't his highest priority from then on.

i dont wanna say the crew Doesnt know but i dont think party's ever like. sat everyone down and done a "storytime: I was on a fasttrack to being a mid-high level BLI executive". one of party's big things is this complex they have about being a 'real killjoy' and how they're always worried about being seen as a fraud and having people leave them bc of it so they arent like. eager to tell people anything that might complicate things

but stuff slips out and makes people wonder yknow? he never Really talks about life in the city (which kobra does to an extent) and he has Huge blank spots in his memory, but he'll absent-mindedly know Intimate details about how the city functions. Jet could tell instantly that they had some kind of job in the city because of some of their mannerisms in the early days (calling people sir, adopting an unnaturally perfect posture when stressed, etc) but jet hadn't been in the city long enough to recognize any of the origins of those. by the time ghoul and cherri were on the scene, those mannerisms were gone and ofc even when kobra's talking about his city days he never really mentions party bc they didn't have much of a relationship at all until they left. so they all know theres something, but they dont know what

what the crew DOES know is that pois left the city with a tracker in the back of his neck, a working knowledge of city schematics and security, the ability to drive, and a little brother he'd do anything for. none of them feel a need to know because they know party As He Is Now and thats enough for them, they all trust each other 100 percent.

would it affect how the crew saw them if they knew? absolutely not. ghoul and cherri are kinda experts at having pasts they arent proud of. especially considering how party more or less put aside his shitty-about-addicts views to help w cherris recovery, both of them would feel SO weird about not returning the favour. scenarios you cant control, right? as for jet, they met party when he was three days out of the city. thats a tough time in anyones life, especially someone who JUST snapped out of reeducation, and as much as party wasn't eager about all the parts of desert life, they Never wavered in how badly they wanted to be out there. like i dont think anyone would ever think party believed in city rhetoric, especially not his crew.

[everythingsinred]

i just saw that post you reblogged a few days ago, the one that was like “Send me a character and a number and I’ll tell you my headcanons for..” and just.

is it too much to ask for all of them for natsume 😅😅😅😳😳😳 or if that’s too much just whatever ones you feel like doing, i just love what you have to say about him

thank u for sending this to me :,) it means a lot. yes i can attempt to do all of them bc this kid has been on my mind for more than a decade now <3

theres a read more bc this is long :) i hope the answers are satisfactory

1) Something this character is truly proud of. this is hard to say bc he lives for other people. he'd be outwardly very proud of ruka, mikan, and aoi for their achievements and for having such amazing loved ones but i think eventually, after some working on himself he might recognize his own deeds and be proud of himself (or at least... thats what i want for him)

2) Who they want to please the most. also hard to say hhhHHHH bc although he definitely has a martyr complex i dont really consider him a people pleaser. ig in some ways, same answer as above (aoi, mikan, and ruka). i think in the future when he and mikan are dating he'd be a very annoying and doting boyfriend.

3) Who depends on them. bc of his martyr complex, plenty of people. more or less same answer. although its not bad for people to depend on each other, i think it would be good if in the future natsume could work on himself and not take on everything for everyone bc its not healthy for anyone involved.

4) What they would do if they had one month to live. i feel like he's perpetually in this situation bc of his alice shape lmao. he knows, especially before mikan inserts her alice stone into him, that he has very little time left before he croaks. if we were to say this is in the future and all the previous obstacles that held him back before were removed, i think he'd just wanna spend as much time with his loved ones as he can, but he wouldn't tell them what's happening (assuming he knows he only has a month left). i mean he already monopolizes mikan in kageki so he would just double down on that i think.

5) A cherished personal belonging. well he doesnt have the alice stones from mikan anymore, but the promise ring that replaced them would probably be his new precious belonging. i also think that the hourglass ruka gifted to him for his birthday would be another cherished belonging.

6) Something they lost, but would love to have back. in an abstract way, id say the four years that he and mikan were separated. in kageki he can see aoi pretty frequently, and im assuming communications have been somewhat laxed so he can talk to his dad sometimes??? (i fucking hope or im gonna have to throw hands with the principals) all in all i just think he'd try not to regret many things and instead just take advantage of the time he has left bc he's been on the brink of death for like half his life.

7) This character’s favorite character. he loves manga so its probably a manga character. hes read some crazy stuff from what we can see, anything from shoujo to shounen, sanrio catalogs to yaoi (insane that he just reads all this shit in the middle of class without any shame whatsoever). i cant really speculate what kind of manga he'd enjoy from that, or what characters, but i think he would DISLIKE characters like himself. he'd understand them, but he wouldn't enjoy them. he'd like happier, more cheerful characters that remind him of his loved ones. i think, especially in lonelier times, that he would find comfort in them.

8) What kind of car they would drive. outside the academy, natsume grew up poor, but inside the academy he got a pretty hefty allowance. idk if that really adds up irl, or if he's been saving properly, but maybe he'd have enough to buy a sweet ride. i cant name makes or models bc im too busy knowing more important things like every thing that ever happened in the gakuen alice manga, but i think his dream car would be something pretty awesome. i feel like he'd ideally drive a four-door red car with black leather seats. in all my fanfiction so far tho hes driven a shitty car bc i like to write him poor. (i am also poor and my car is shitty as well but not visibly so)

9) What calms them when they are upset. i think he'd like physical attention, like hugs and cuddles. if he cant get that from his bff or gf i like to imagine he'd read manga or eat chocolate.

10) How they deal with pain. not well! like sure he probably has a pain threshold that's through the roof, but he never communicates it, physical pain or otherwise, so nobody can ever help him and the pain is never alleviated. he just sits there and pretends like everything is normal. i want him to get therapy so he stops doing that

11) This character’s favorite piece or pieces of clothing. ugh his sense of fashion is incredible. boy wears feather boas and tartan shorts and sleeveless shirts with gloves, all in clashing patterns and colors. maybe thats just the official art, set in crazy and abstract situations. but still! in the memorial book he wore a sweater vest with no shirt under and it makes me so upset i get physically ill. he maybe has a sense of fashion, but it's not socially acceptable at all and it shouldn't be. on one hand, his fashion sense is so bizarre it wouldn't surprise me if a short sleeved, zip-up turtleneck (like shiki's) was his favorite, or something similar. on the other hand, i also wouldn't be surprised if he didn't really have a favorite piece of clothing at all bc i could understand if his fashion eccentricities come from a place of complete apathy as opposed to actual eccentricity.

12) How they sleep. well we saw a lil bit of him sleeping so... he's a restless sleeper for sure. he has nightmares and experiences sickness and physical pain when he's sleeping. bc he's unconscious he can't pretend like he's not in pain so he has an expression of agony. horrible. still, i'd like to think he'd start sleeping better in the future, when his life-shortening alice is cured and he's no longer experiencing perpetual physical torment :) maybe he talks in his sleep! how funny would that be

13) What kind of parent they would be. i feel like natsume would be hesitant at first to be a dad. like he'd be super happy to find out mikan is pregnant ofc but he'd be hesitant. maybe he wouldn't voice it. he'd be uncomfortable on several counts: 1) life shortening alices are genetic and he would never want his child to suffer as he has. 2) he'd be scared that he wouldn't have as much time to spend with his kid as he'd like and would be sad to miss out on important milestones in the case that he dies too young. in my mind the life-shortening alice gets cured after a few years so these become non-issues and thus he gets very happy about having a kid.

naturally he'd be selfless and giving, like any parent should be. tho mikan would be way more outwardly affectionate, he'd be a huggy father i think. and he'd spoil his kids 100%. and he'd have a zero tolerance policy if anyone even looked at them wrong. a good dad i think. he will be a dad i decided long ago about this and if higuchi says otherwise then she is wrong im sorry but this is non-negotiable.

14) How they did in school. he's a special star, but that wasn't rly earned by merit. then again, i think the academy wouldn't take any stars away just bc the esp is gone bc. like seriously how fucked up would that be?? and kageki said that although he graduated early, it wasn't because he studied; it was bc he earned credits through missions. anyway natsume is smart but lazy and unambitious and he doesn't study for tests. in the anime he scored high on the exams despite the fact that he DIDN'T EVEN TAKE ALL OF THEM??? i choose to believe that's canon in the manga too. he's smart but extremely lazy so he performs well but is never valedictorian or top scorer on account of the fact that he can't outperform fellow smart kids who actually do try, like yuu or hotaru.

15) What cologne or perfume they would use. HHHHHH okay my sister zoe and i have made a lot of jokes about natsume using axe bodyspray and i have never let go of that so i'm team axe, at least during his teen years. as he gets older, people keep gifting him fancy colognes for christmas and birthdays so he ends up using those instead, mostly out of convenience than personal decision to switch. most of my headcanons about natsume actually involve a sense of apathy or going with the flow bc its easy. he's just so lazy imo

16) Their sexuality. he's straight 100%. he only has eyes for mikan. except for that one time misaki did the cosplay challenge during the relay race. to be fair to him, everyone had eyes for misaki then. but mostly mikan. this is very skewed bc he fell in love as a child and he's so fully devoted to her he'd never consider anybody else.

17) What they’d sing at karaoke. i imagine he'd be unhappy to be invited to karaoke at all and would stubbornly sit out for the first half. let's imagine they're older so he might be loosened by alcohol or maybe by pestering of ruka or mikan so he might be persuaded eventually to do a duet, maybe a love song like a thousand years with mikan or bohemian rhapsody with ruka. i can't imagine he'd choose to sing on his own though.

18) Special talents they have. we'll ignore alice-related things, like lighting fires that don't burn. he's good at reading people, so he can see when someone is trying to hide their sadness which comes in handy bc mikan needs someone who pays attention and can notice when she's not actually feeling as smiley as she's letting on. he's also of tactical and strategic mind (on account of the DA class) so he'd probably be REALLY good at laser tag

19) When they feel safest. when he's hanging out with his loved ones. this feels like a cop-out answer but i can't really answer any other way. especially considering the LIFETIME of trauma he's experienced, he would frequently get triggered or reminded of painful memories so he'd feel a lot more comfortable in those situations if ruka or mikan was around to show him compassion, or aoi who was also abused by persona and can relate to him and understand him.

20) Household chore they hate the most. this is such a weird question to me bc isn't cleaning the bathroom universally the worst chore? bathrooms are inherently disgusting and deep cleaning them is painstaking. ig if i dont count that, he might hate dusting the most. he has sensitive lungs from coughing every day for his whole life so dust doesn't sit well with him.

21) Their fondest childhood memory. another awkward question on account of him being a child during the manga's run but let's just make this about his life before the academy bc let's be honest he had to stop being a kid entirely when he went to the academy. i think he'd have very few memories of his mother bc she died when he was so little, but he would treasure the vague and faded memories he does have of her. he'd also love the memories he spent with his family. simple dinners with his dad and aoi would mean a lot, especially when he was separated from them. also he treasures the memories of meeting and befriending ruka, who is his first and dearest friend.

22) How they spend their money. he buys manga and snacks. i think, for the four years that mikan is away, he would sometimes decide to eat in his dorm as opposed to going down to the dining hall/cafeteria and having to socialize, so he'd keep his room stocked with things to eat. he also buys people presents. if they pass a store in central town and mikan goes "ooh look at that! that's cool!" he'd just shrug and buy it for her.

23) What kind of alcohol they drink. man im so unqualified to have thoughts abt this bc im a bad slav and i dont drink often (like maybe a few times a year). still, i do have thoughts. i think he'd be a bad influence and would drink some during the four years mikan was gone, maybe once he's fifteen or so. he'd partake a bit. narumi said he misbehaved a lot during her absence so maybe drinking is part of it, but he also has people who really care about him, especially ruka, and aoi when she gets into the opera school, so they'd curb his bad behavior a little. when he gets reunited with mikan, i think he'd drink socially instead of in a troublemaking sort of way.

i think he'd try to stick with manly drinks at first, like whiskey, but then he'd try some sweet fruity cocktail that mikan orders and then he'd like it and start ordering those instead.

24) What they wish they could change about themselves. boy has self-esteem issues but most importantly he would change his alice situation, which is later dealt with on account of the cure and all.

25) What other people wish they could change about them. ruka and mikan both just want him to value himself more and stop sacrificing himself for others. over time, with their help and maybe some therapy he'd eventually get to a healthier place with his self-esteem

[yammoba]

you are literally so fucking right about ranfren that I made a tumblr account after over a year clean of not having one to tell you so. The whole situation makes me so fucking upset and I hate that people feel this sick sense of entitlement that every single creator is a completely flawless saint who has never so much as had an impure thought.

Yea, its really tough because i think its worth having these kinds of discussions. Its part of why we have progressed as much as we have in terms of media and such (which in the grand scheme of things isnt actually all that much, but ehh, baby steps i guess...) But i really think its important to keep the context of the past in mind when having these discussions otherwise any critisisms are just gonna fall flat.

I also do get frustrated people seem to want to apply the same kind of standards to every work and every person. A single someones indie project that is specifically taylored to a specific demographic is not going to have the same kind of reach and "responsabilities" as something like... the marvel movies idk. Im really fighting back a disney industrial complex rant, but I'll persist.

Its also like... yeah... sometimes a work is just not "for you" like in the sense that it was written in a way that is just not going to cater to "you". I dont mean in like a traditional demographic way nessecarily, like obviously people can enjoy things outside their -demographic-, adults can enjoy kids media etc. But i more mean in like a deep aesthetic and content sense. For example i dont write my stuff with straight people in mind.

I dont know... like... i think Rent the movie/musical is problematic. I dont like it. It doesnt appeal to me even though the idea of it sounds cool, nothing about the exicution or the actual content compels me and i have a lot of issues with how the queer characters are depicted. But Rent is really important for a lot of people, even straight cis people probably, for a lot of contextual reasons that just dont apply to me. Rent is not for me. We can talk about the ways the harmful sterotypes can have real world impacts, and keep those thing in mind when crafting new stories, but theres context to why its like that and why it means stuff to people. And even though i do Not like rent, i understand theres content in it, outside the stuff that is problematic and, or the stuff that is "problematic" resonates with people in ways that arent nessecarily "yep that sterotype is true and i hate bisexuals now". Im being glib but i hope my point can come across.

And, im speaking pretty generally for all of that but it feels important to the underlying vibe of the conversation? If that makes sense.

It is tough when you find something that has parts that appeal to you extreamly deeply, but parts that you just hate or cant deal with or cant get past. Its deffinatly happened to me, and ive had to treat it differently pretty much every time because no case has been the same. No peices of media are the same, especially when taken in context. Its up to the individuals (or their gaurdians i guess) to determine what the lines are in what you can deal with at what times.

Also its frustrating because in these types of situations (lumping every troubling thing someone has ever done into a google doc with shorthand explinations and getting people to spread it around as proof that x-person is human garbage and anyone who supports them is too) people always end up having multiple converstations at the same time. Converstations that have different needs or requirements. Like with this situation theres issues of when and if certain types of depictions play into harmful histories and stereotypes and what harm that can cause and if intent matters or not, which is a media depiction issue. Issues of how fan/internet culture veiws certain things and the "generational" descrepencies that cause confusion and hurt among people wich is a media and social structure issue. Issues that arise out of some very foundational aspects of meme and internet culture, foundational in the sense that its still baked into how people act and veiw things which is a social structure issue. Discussions of how forgiveness(using that world loosly) of harmful individual action should happen, how much responsability can be placed on an individual when so much of how we act is a reflection of our place in time and space. Which in particular is a massive fucking thing and is often best understood differently from media anylisis-type jam because there are different factors at play.

They do all have stuff in common but when it comes to analyzing what harm has been done they just are not the same...

I also just... i kinda gotta rant... i know that stuff people get turned off by is very personal. So i think its understandable for people to have internal "double standards". <personal example> i cant get down with ancheint magus bride. The way the main relationship is framed and the way the main girl is treated just kinda bug me, even though i did want to like it because the designs are so good. Theres other stuff to it that makes it unappealing, but eh, it is what it is. But i fucking love cardcaptor sakura. Damn it makes me so happy. But that series is full of very -problematic- relationships, that i still kinda think are cute in the context of the story. Sakura's parents were teacher and student, touya has a past romantic realtionship with a teacher, i could keep going, lots of relationships that in that show would be horrible or strange if they happened in real life. Its interesting to think about why one put me off and the other didnt. (And i have, but its not worth going into here) But in terms of being "problematic", pound for pound card captor sakura is probably "worse".</personal example>

But... when presenting your issues with media as issues of justice, and presenting them in a way that condems anyone who doesnt fall perfectly inline with you, its weird....... to see them..... be into.... stuff thats.... also got similar.... or worse issues...........

one of my main fandoms is one thats widely detested and i have a hobby of looking at the blogs of people who complain about it, and its pretty common for this to happen.... im choking back the disney rant but.... ill make that its own post. Its not really about "what about x thing, isnt that problematic too???" Its more like... i have a concern for this mindset when paired with using it to declare people that like or produce "irredemable" media to be scum who are -litterally killing people-. because its so often unhelpful. On the surface it tends to confuse and alienate people. It can wind up making real world issues seem much more trival than they are because they are being used to explain why you dont like someone over the internet, who may be related to those issues, but is in no way a substitute for the weight of systematic opression. It leaves fertile ground for people who are truely against social justice to sweep in and use it to explain that "caring about social justice is dumb, racism is over anyways~ actually did you know white people are in danger of loosing our majority status--". Im not saying we need to taylor arguments and speech to soften the reality of things. But its important to be aware of orders of scale and reach and other factors of reality. And its important to understand where people are at. And if you are interested in fighting for justice, and explaining the problems inherent in everything. You have to actually... do that... which is a long and difficult task. And it can be hard to articulate, and stressful. And you, or people you admire, might fuck up. And burnout happens extreamly easily, especially for thise who have to deal with real world consequences of systematic opression while trying to fight it. (And itll happen way faster if the first insinct when someone fucks up is to harrase and dox them) Thats why its important to... pick your battles. Obviously you can care about more than one thing at a time, but you also dont have to try to be an avatar of expertise for every fucking thing. There are a lot of people, and we're stronger fighting together because we can all use our perspectives and expertise in the areas that suit us best.

All this to also say nothing of the very real concern trolling that happens still pretty regularly. Im not saying that is the case in this specific instance here, but its worrying because these kinds of live or die mindsets will leave people venuerble to certain types of coordinated concern trolling campaigns that have already done real harm to innocent and often mrginalized people.

Uuhhh... sorry for rambling so much, also sorry for enabling your return to tumblr... i hope you have a good time at least xD im glad you and others were able to get something out of my nonsense. I mean ultimately i just dont want people to harrase each other, thats really the bottom line with any fandom/media-spawned debate.