#like its a legitimate word
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just read my surname in some tags on the tournament, and not going to lie, that felt weird
#like its a legitimate word#and made sense in context#but it was a moment#not least because nobody uses that word to refer to the thing it refers to#because its a homophone for a sex word#and now i will shut up so i don't accidentally reveal my surname#secondary school was fun#but at least im not named richard like my uncle (who shares the surname thats a homophone for a sex word)#please dont try and work out my surname#ive almost certainly given enough info but itd be weird for you to do that#companion tournament commentary
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okay fine i'll read homestuck. whatever. i've cracked i can't take it anymore i need to fuck around and find out.
#🐉#james reads homestuck#btw i know some people have legitimate objections to it so im fully prepared for that#and im not going to be an idiot and just try to ignore that and bury my head in the sand#but im curious as hell and even if some of it sucks i want to understand why#its such a compelling and beloved story to so many people#and hell i want to actually understand why some of it is Bad (for lack of a better word)#and not just take the word of random internet strangers as objective truth without further investigation#because thats the opposite of using my critical thinking skills#if you think reading media with some shitty stuff in it makes you a Bad Person just by exposure well idk why youre still following me anywa#but yea heres your warning that i will become aware of homestuck if thats something you cant stand#even though the likelihood of me blogging about it is slim#and if i do ill probably like. make a sideblog so people who really dont like it can avoid it.#MAN. okay. sorry for the disclaimer im just worried people are gonna think im an idiot or something and send me condescending asks#or assume the worst about me as a person#because. internet.
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Sometimes the way people talk about missing social cues is so over the top 😭 people will really say stuff like "how can someone live such a soulless joyless existence that they don't understand my joke" and "if you don't laugh at this are you even human" and "I can't imagine being such a miserable asshole that you think this is serious" and "how stupid do you have to be to fall for this 💀" and on and on like. I promise autism isn't a moral failing
#godsrambles#actuallyautistic#i see posts that say things like this almost word for word all the time on here#and on the one hand. i too think its funny when someone doesnt realize theyre being pranked#but sometimes people go from 'lol gottem' to 'lol only a bad person would fall for this'. somehow#and yeah it also happens in relation to pranking people who are genuinely shitty for legitimate reasons#but its like with calling shitty people ugly yknow? theyre not missing social cues Because theyre awful. theyre not ugly Because theyre mean#and yeah sometimes being gullible isnt related to being autistic. can also just be lack of knowledge in various areas#but that doesnt mean it isnt at the very least annoying to see these traits be linked to being a Bad Person lol#probably plays a small part in people being like 'lol ford is so full of himself for trusting bill' like.#how is being gullible and susceptible to manipulation the same as being conceited
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ngl one of my biggest pet peeves in media is when they acknowledge in universe that a character should logically have a concussion, and yet they don't.
Knocking someone out, having them wake up four hours later, and then having them be perfectly fine? Horrendously inaccurate to how head injuries work, but fine whatever it's a trope and if it's used in a genre that isn't trying to hold to realism anyway (like an action movie, fantasy story, etc), I am willing to suspend my disbelief. I don't like it, but I can accept it as a narrative tool.
Knocking someone out, having them wake up four hours later, having someone say that that character has a concussion, and then having the audacity as the writer to have said character be completely unaffected by the head trauma? Do not pass Go do not collect 200 dollars go directly to jail.
#bambi's rambling#this is not about any story in particular its just a pet peeve#but if a story is gonna say 'this character has head trauma'#then they had better *damn well* have actual symptoms of it#if you dont wanna write them having concussion symptoms. well first of all dont give them a head injury in the first place#but Especially do not say 'they should have some really bad issues from that injury!' and then ignore that for the rest of the story#i read a story once where a character was knocked unconscious for like half an hour and on waking up was told she might have a concussion#might. MIGHT. There is no might about that!!!#if you were unconscious for more than 30 seconds that's legitimately *life threatening*!!!#dont use the word concussion in your story if you're not gonna do basic research to see what it means!!!#anyway pet peeve rant over lol
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I adore reading your rambling tags, don't stop posting things there 😩
Don't you worry. I think I might be incapable of stopping idk what happened I never used to tag ramble
#asks#anon#i do really love talking. clearly LOL#but ive also been working on listening the past few years#and thays pretty cool too#i had to learn how to think before i speak. like legitimately im not hearing the words I say#im thinking about my next sentence while i say the current one#its exhausting and i never remember what I've said HWJJJSDJEJ#but people tell me im direct and deliberate and clear so idk...#but listening is also really hard...#conversation in general is really hard#i stll love it of course#its just very tiring for me#which is PART of why I like to do this when i cant sleep cause of nightmares or whatever#tires me out haha and also is a great distraction#and is good practice! for me#so idk i just like it. and its nice to know its not annoying#i wouldn't post hardly any words at all without the safety of the tags#they're not rebloggable so thats a relief#you have to opt in to read them#the space is limited. etc etc#so. im glad it is wn option and im glad its a welcome one!#no intention to stop#thank you for the reassurance on it#delete later#maybe. I'm so tired i need to check later to see if i wnt to delete it#anxiety meds working yay i can sleep bye
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Love the Nesta and Azriel fic! Would you consider using your literacy talents to bring us an Elain x Rhys cheating trope!? Too controversial?
You know- it's so tempting but if you saw the general messages I get when people remember I like Nesta or for just minding my own business while writing/shipping Elucien, you 100% would understand why I won't touch this with a ten foot pole.
#i take a breath and someone is in my ask box like I JUST THINK ITS FUNNY THAT#i was gonna be shady in the tags but legitimately the elain “defenders” are some of the worst people on this app#theyll tell real people to k*ll themselves in defense of words on paper and ya girl is just tired#not too tired to answer this but you know maybe i like a teeny bit of mess every once and a while#id do elain and eris though
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im new here- is dean abusive?
imo yeah. smarter people than me have written dissections of the way he treats sam & others (he’s also Awful to his psuedo-son jack, but i haven’t gotten to that season yet), i’ve probably reblogged a bunch of them.
he certainly doesn’t mean to be & i don’t say it to condemn him as a person or as a character & i’m still very attached to him & he loves sam very much (not that that makes a difference in whether u abuse someone or not) - but the way he treats sam a lot/some of the time is emotionally abusive and sam is clearly badly impacted. s4 and s8 come to mind as his worst moments also ofc moc era - after that there’s less interpersonal conflict (up to where i am at least) but that’s because sam mostly stops disagreeing with dean not because dean actually gets much better <3 spn is cycles of abuse show after all. family is hell. dean’s learnt pretty much everything about how to behave from his abusive father and as a result. well. cycle continues
#anon i wonder which way ur approaching this from - having not considered that dean treats sam badly or having never thought of it as Abusiv#mutuals pls feel free to chime in with ur opinions#wrote a bunch of more detailed responses to this but none of them felt right so i was just like. eh#narrative portrays dean as right like All Of The Time bc the shows morality is deans morality its fucked up so that makes it harder for#fandom to see how awful he is sometimes#but i think a lot of people see his awful behaviour but just wouldn’t call it abusive and rather toxic etc because abusive#is such a ‘strong word’ and people have a lot of personal connotations with it#i don’t often even actually use the word abusive to describe him. but he is! and i’ve been watching s4 and he’s just So awful and it’s been#reminding me hugely#dean crit#<- i guess#spn#oliver talks#asks#it’s more than just like. being awful sometimes. bc it’s this systemic pattern of eradicating sam’s sense of identity outside of him#and punishing sam for ‘disobeying’ him (like s4/8)#dean winchester#supernatural#Also when you start recognising dean as abusive the show becomes a legitimate horror story because fucking hell!!!!#narrative just. sides with him most of the time!!!!#if u wanna think abt it for urself id say make sure u know what abuse actually Is and how it can present & then look at a lot of sam and#dean conflicts. do they seem equal? r both parties being as awful to each other? whats the context?#look away from the view the show is trying to get you to take via like. ending shots and closeups. and look at what theyre actually saying#to each other and what has actually happened#<- i feel like this sounds patronising i dont mean to be😭#if u already think sam&dean r fucked up and had just never defined it as abusive before then feel free to ignore me#there r probably posts in my dean winchester tag much better than this#<- okay apparently i had a lot to say actually. sorry for doing it in the tags
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The more I think about it the more I really feel like the recently coined term mesosex might fit me and it's been shared by several intersex education/advocacy blogs I follow now so I know there's support for the term but I'm still like. Scared I would be Intruding™ on intersex issues if I started using it. Like I mean. I'm an afab & (afaik) perisex person with a reproductive disorder that's likely caused by a (non-intersex) hormone imbalance which I'm now essentially having to take feminizing HRT to fix, and as a result I'm now growing tits and undergoing female-pattern fat redistribution at the age of 25 after years of having little to no secondary sex characteristics. I've always identified with intersex issues but now that I'm essentially having to undergo HRT to make my body match my asab that connection to intersex issues feels even stronger. And like that's what the term is for. But my anxiety is still like "but what if you're intruding tho" lol 🙃
#rambling#for the curious the specific disorder is endometriosis and recent research has shown that endo is most likely linked to#estrogen dominance which is where either your body makes too much estrogen OR not enough other hormones (progesterone & testosterone)#and given that the only thing that has helped me at all has been going on full progestin-only treatments#and the fact that everything ive researched about estrogen dominance and low progesterone matches up with my symptoms#it definitely seems like low/no progesterone is the issue for me#(although the docs didnt test my levels beforehand and now i cant get them tested unless i want to go off treatments 🥲)#and like. this progestin treatment has changed my fucking life. legitimately#like it didnt just stop my (pretty severe) endo it also fixed like. all of my physical health issues. stuff i didnt even know was related#dont wanna get off topic talking about my other health issues but. going on progestin has easily been the best health thing to happen to me#but it also feels so fucking weird to be going through the same type of changes that like transfems go through on hrt essentially#as an afab perisex person. its not a bad weird but like its just a strange phenomenon and it would be nice to put words to it i guess?#like im a person who has lived the last 10+ years disabled by a reproductive disorder that prevented my body from developing 'normally'#and now im going through feminizing hrt at the age of 25 to fix my reproductive disorder#thats not exactly like. the normal perisex afab experience lol. but at the same time my specific reproductive disorder and hormone imbalance#dont classify me as intersex (no hyperandrogenism just some mix of too much estrogen/not enough progesterone or testosterone#typical anatomy (afaik) aside from the uterine abnormalities resulting from endometriosis)#and its just. such a weird position to be in. i share a lot of common ground with intersex issues but im not intersex myself#and the whole purpose of mesosex was to create a word for people who arent quite either. 'people who identify with but not as intersex'#and i think that describes me. but also like.... do i count?? 😭#tmi#request to tag
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I keep trying to write an update and then being embarrassed about it and feeling like I’m trauma dumping on people by updating and I just..I know it’s on me to manage my crap, I know. I am trying (not very well but I’m trying) and it’s just…I don’t know. I don’t even know.
#please know i have thought about hospital but hospital would#genuinely make it worse (like I cannot even tell you how much worse)#i think I’m legitimately just…having a trauma reaction on top#of a jewish trauma spike#and dentists and having to move (I may have cleaned till I shook today also my arm#does not look great#i feel like i don’t actually verbally have the words#(i have tried not engaging i have tried engaging they both feel awful)#(hashem i don’t know would you even embrace me would you…)#(it’s not a meds thing (I take meds for mdd and I know what that looks like and this isn’t it)#(it’s hard to explain the difference between CPTSD and like a panic attack or a depression)#(except that I feel like I’m so so tainted and not in my body or if I’m in my body I’m in my body somewhere else#abuse cw#i didn’t ask for this cptsd and no tshirt was offered#this will disappear probably#UGH#(i am seeing my therapist tomorrow i just..i know i need to reach out to)#(to like my current landlords and ask if I could just pay for a cleaning service to come in)#(i know i need to be like ‘unfortunately my CPTSD is Fucking Terrible Right Now and I need)#(just a bit of grace apologies)#(i do not want my parents to know i do not want that)#(aside from the fact that I am already a burden to them anyway)#a stupid flop of a person i am crying thinking about how i had plans for kids and a wife and travel and…I’m nothing#(everyone else is something I’m not I don’t deserve grace lbr)#it keeps running through my head how many people i thought loved me want me dead#and it’s like I can fake it so well#(i don’t know I may be like sending words to people)#to run through the steps of not being alone#i’m truly sorry i am always not taking accountability and playing the victim and clinging to people#to get reassurance i don’t deserve that its a good person it isn’t it isn’t a person
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MGSV really is *so* misogynistic it is honestly hard to believe. It has ONE named female character, just one. And holy shit, the things they make that single woman do.
I don't know what happened. Or how Kojima thought what we was doing was defensible.
I could just link to the introduction of the SKULL snipers from Mission 28 Code Talker but even that I feel is so unbelievable to see with your own eyes that it would exit the mind as soon as it stopped playing.
Literally every criticism made during that era toward's this game is accurate. Every single one.
It might legit be the WORST example of "male gaze," literally literally ever. Out of everything.
If MGSV had outright no women in it whatsoever it would be better than what this is.
The cutscene for when Big Boss comes to Mother Base after not showering was what sealed it for me.
And the fact that there were people back then who thought they could defend this perhaps makes it even more deranged.
#mgsv#completely incoherent post#I love love love playing this game but holy shit#It is fucking unbearable.#Play it on your computer with the mod 'Take Me of the Grid + No More Timers + Free Deployment' installed#The game is legitimately hot garbage without it.#what the fuck happened to result in the difference between how woman are treated in this game and then... Death Stranding?????#Wtf???????#its inexplicable#Kojima; as skilled a designer and director as he certainly is#is absolutely also a misogynist#I think MGSV is the hard fucking proof frankly#You can't make this. AND whine about how people refused to like it. That shit definitely counts augh my god#still a completely incoherent post#aough#i cant even put the words together#the actual moment to moment core gameplay is so fun its ridiculous#but oh my god everything else is SO so bad#how can I even like it?#I don't know. I do. but somehow maybe I should not ldjfjskjfsjkdf#dfjkbgjkdbflglbksbkfgbjkdsfbgbdfgbkjbjkdfbjkg#and it's still stupid as hell that you can't fulton yourself like you do in Peace Walker. Literally just to make you waste more GMP#to force you to depend on the online features. Which gives you millions of GMP at the drop of a hat#Evil game
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finally bit the bullet and started reading wolfsong and im about a hundred pages into it atm and im not sure how i feel about it, honestly. like this is certainly a book about things. with people in it.
#or#and characters who convey to the audience that theyre Ethnic by inserting first language words into their sentences#honestly i do like. Werewolves As A Big Silly Family it's wonderful#but as far as im at right now its like. Too idyllic. they havent even eaten anything weird yet#Also Also. it takes a LOT of worldbuilding and weaving and shit for me to legitimately Enjoy a paranormal story where all monsters n witche#bumper sticker font coexist. honestly they dropped this witch on me and im just like. what are you adding ugh i hate you.#let the eleven year old be a violent animal for like ten seconds its catharsis (i am joking. or am i )
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i finally watched Alien (and Aliens, the sequel), and idk why it took me 29 years of being on this earth to get around to it because I love the titular Alien and i love its wittle pharyngeal jaws
#as a biologist whenever sci fi dreams up some new horrid alien creature meant to shock and terrify#i simply look at it and adore it because i can instantly recognize the real animal influences in its design#because there are actual species on this our planet earth that do all the things these aliens do and it's not scary at all lmao#not so much a monsterfucker as a monster appreciator. a monster respecter#as soon as i saw the facehuggers im like 'ah! a carciniform planidia gametophyte!'#did i just make up the word carciniform? maybe. i deem it legitimate though. crab-like.#love the design of the queen. she rocks the expanded pronotum. plastron? maybe it's a plastron.
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About you lover or hater response: That last paragraph made me Feel Stuff, its so well worded. But I think it wouldnt have that much weight behind it without the rest of your post before it. But then again Damn those sure are some beatiful words!!
And idk if youd like reading this from some random tumblr user but in case it means anything to you, from someone trying their hardest to be a lover at any possible turn to another: your work makes the world a better place. How i hope everyone would try to do so as well.
Have a good day!!
In the midst of all the silliness I do want to take a moment to say thank you for this. To be 100% honest this is what it's all about for me.
The whole point is random tumblr users. Random people. Making one person's life even marginally better is the whole point of telling stories, for me! I would move heaven and earth to ensure that you, a random tumblr user, gets to have something that makes you a little bit happier.
So, thank you. It means a lot to me.
You have a good day too. I love you!
#asks#anon#this kind of thing is legitimately. idk#I think it's really hard for me to admit my flaws and especially with the amount of shame I have around my anger#but I think that accepting that and recognizing that it can be used to help people maybe#idk#its important#nothing could be more important to me#part of why I try so hard to write well#and fight on getting my stuff out there#and work such ridiculous hours#like.#its just all to be sure my stories are what my readers deserve#cause yoou deserve the world#so I'm just doing my best to give mine to you#so thank you#kind words
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you should see the radical version -> 犭doggy snoozing peacefully
oh that ones apart of cat too so ive ended up recognizing it as a kitty lol
#i havent like legitimately been studying radicals (i need to </3) ill learn a word and see the chara sqwunched up (<- incorrect terminology)#in a different kanji and b like oh i guess this one means [.....] and then search it up later to put 2n2 together#tldr. i didnt know that radical was called the dog radical and now i do and i assume its animal related#asks#anon
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my issue with terminology discourse isnt that i think everyone's stupid and sensitive it's that literally nobody explains the meanings of things and then get pissy when people dont know what things mean
#like oh my GOD how do you expect people to know certain words arent For Them if you just. DONT TELL ANYONE#like i understand researching for yourself but ??!?!??! if you don't think its wrong in the first place why would you research it!??!?!??#like ok ive just seen a vid of this woman saying “thibgs im tired of hearing straight people say as a lesbian” and it was all yeah whatever#but the COMMENTS#someone asked why they cant be a bi fem if fem just means feminine and people were getting so mad being like#no you CAN. be a bi fem. you just cant be a bi FEMME.#like queen if they dont know why they can be a bi fem i dont think theyre gonna know what a femme is!!!!!!!!#dear god its annoying#like i get the issue with people misusing terms specifically for lesbians or queer people but oh my god#like genuinely just are you thick#if you dont Tell people what a pillow princess is how do you expect them to know they cant use that word to describe themselves??????#AND NONE OF THEM EVER EXPLAIN IT.#EVER.#oh my god i hate tiktok so much#i dont even know why i use it#blah blah!#not 75 stuff#to elaborate about getting pisst#i mean that they all expect everyone to google things but 1 google sucks atm and 2 how are you meant to find out whats legitimate informatio#and what's just completely fake unless you Tell Them#like. if you want people to stop misusing terms then you have to explain WHY#and DONT get fucking annoying about it being all like “lmao yeah i knew you wouldnt get it” because then theyre going to do it out of SPITE#like it's ridiculous genuinely
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im actually so obsessed with the way audio is stylised in the grotto. it gives the podcast so much personality and is just a very creative use of the medium
#listening to the grotto is like watching an animated series with a very distinct and cool art style#and its legitimately inspiring because of that#i listen to the grotto and i feel like pushing my own stylisation in visual art#also i dont know if that word is supposed to be written with an s or z
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