#like its 100% a personal problem but i just cant fucking stand this anymore

[mentallhealthmatters]

Hey didn’t Shubble say that Wilbur would bit her in front of other people and she would “play along”? Aside from the obvious, she admitted that actively hid how she felt about some of the things he did. And she doubles down on that line of thinking, when Wilbur was depressed and couldn’t clean, did she say she tried talking to him or his friends and family for help? No she just stayed silent and cleaned. She claims Wilbur bit down a bit harder after she said the safe word? Well if he was used to biting up to that point wouldn’t he be surprised or shocked when he heard it? She doesn’t tell him off or ask him not to do it anymore, she implies it happened multiple times. That she gave him her permission to keep going. It shows that she would hide things from him that he would need to know, and she has the audacity to complain how he should’ve known?! Like girl if you had a problem with him then it’s up to you to talk to him about it!

Thats what im thinking! She said they talked it out, but it sounds like she was never honest with him and is blaming HIM for HER dishonesty, like girl people arent mind readers and dont gain the ability to read minds when you fucking start dating eachother.

Like if shes lying to him, thats not him being manupltive thats her not advocating for herself and or communicating honestly with her partner.

Shes the source the problem shes complaining about and the fact she has the nerve, my gods undatable. Shes undatable. Shes so neurotypical. Her talking mental health and depression makes it clear, shes very not demure mindful and very neurotypical.

And i dont say that with a funny haha, i mean shes generic white girl with firet world issues number 1097933 looking for excuses and drama. Im pretty sure she had less of an issue back then and then some friends conviencied her it was an issue.

Shes extremely dumb too, she keeps insisting because she never name dropped in her FIRST time talking about the issue that means she cant be sued when she would kater change the accuations and admit its him shes talking about, meaning technically yes, especially than thats hes coming to america, he CAN 100% slap back with a lawsuit of various kinds.

By her changing the story, shes actually giving herself less legal ground to stand out. Where as wilbur actually didnt admit to it, just said "im sorry you felt that way, i had no idea, i wish i knew because i have texts saying the opposite of what your claiming and we could have talked it out" like more or less, but like

Notice how wilbur doesnt bring up the accuations every two weeks, notice how hes not giving himself every other breath to change his story, hes not letting himself do that and by doing so hes giving himself more legal ground by ensuring he can keep his story straight. Hes doubling down on his version of events, but he didnt retell his version of events when hes annoucing hes doubling down, hes just saying that hes not changing his story and thats it.

Shelby even if unintentionally, has changed story and technically harrassed him trying to change the limelight to focus on her every other week, thats in the eyes of court, not the actions of a victim an innocent person. Thats the accuations of someone whos cried wolf and wants attention because she thinks shes pretty and people will gkve her what she wants.

Like her behavoir is text book "how to spot a liar" and im honestly annoyed at how dumb and sheep like her followers and @ranboosaysstuffs is. Like not my fuilt theyre gullible mindless sheep with no personaility and need someone else to tell them what to think or what to believe.

Like 🫠 honestly if you gonna be like that just leave the fandom, im glad Ranboo dropped minecrfat because honestly his old friends were too good for him and they dont deserve them, his old friends, tcehnoblade, philza, tommy deserve better than that spineless coward.

[moonchl-d]

.//

[batarangsoundsdumb]

yet another ask dump yeehaw!

do you ever think that jay's mother was one of those bitch who believes in horoscope and tarots and things like that and so he believes in these things too, or it is just me projecting?

sheila haywood took one look at jason's birthchart said 'nah this won't do' and left.

Wait, but what happens when the justice league does find out that Bruce and John fucked? Lmao it sounds like it would be hilarious, really, I don’t want a justice league that doesn’t make fun of Bruce for like his entire life.

barry runs out of the meeting immediately and comes back with an entire sti testing kit. diana fully seriously wants bruce to get tested while bruce is sitting there like 'come on guys, you're being ridiculous, i already checked twice'

john is standing in the corner clearly offended while bruce is just like 'don't even say anything, constantine, you fucked a shark'

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

on the one hand, good for him, on the other hand, bro, how do you still have a secret identity when your superhero name is just your last name,,,,

Your fic on ao3 was GOLD PLEASE CONTINUE I loved Dinah's cameo btw ( @purple-vixen

thanks so much! i already continued but this ask is like 10 years old because i'm a notorious procrastinator (also yes! i love dinah so much aahhhhhhhhhhhh)

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

bruce internally: holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit bruce externally: get out of my city, alien

AHHH ur multimedia fic is the only thing that brings me happiness anymore continue it forever pls

uhh thanks, but can't continue it forever because my attention span is that of a toddler on crack on a good day and i can't function without at least 10 things going on at the same time and music in the background

Oi, so I'm getting into dc and watching batman the animated series, and they use fruitcake a lot. Which I thought was very funny and wanted to share w you - Denilla

wait like fruitcake (food) or fruitcake (derogatory) ?

young justice 🤝 teen titans slut shaming batman

tim drake and dick grayson to their respective teams 'you guys stop it, that's my dad'

Happyhoganon: If an eighty year old Batman had fought crime in Gotham City for decades and the only threats to him and the city lately are a wheel chair bounded Penguin, your usual purse snatchers and a few con artists popping up every now and then, how well could the Dark Knight do in maintaining the peace in Gotham despite him being just somewhat fit to do that as an elderly man (which says A LOT given how old he is)

uhh he'll probably do what my grandpa does and that is ruthlessly prank them until they die of shame.

in the death in the family interactive movie there's an ending where Jason is tasked with raising Damian and he decides he's gonna raise Damian to take down the waynes and al ghuls which uh maybe isn't great BUT the idea of Jason raising Damian... PRICELESS. CHAOTIC. I just need more people to know about this :)

yes i saw that wow holy shit but jason would accidentally drop damian on his head one (1) hour in and jason just yeets him into the lazarus pit.

Headcanon: The Penguin has a really hard time fighting any of the Robins because of his avian obsession means there's always a small part of his mind that's like "Birb. Child. Protect" ( @subspacecadet )

as soon as dick becomes nightwing the penguin is like 'you know what, fuck this dude' and shoots at him.

Y'all talking about King Shark dating Constantine, let's not forget about John literally hooking up with Satan

listen there's a clear difference between monsterfucker and satanfucker in that king shark is literally a shark and satan still looks like a normal dude

Does everyone in Gotham think Batman is a teen dad?

everyone in gotham thinks batman has been around since gotham was founded, but they do think that bruce wayne is actually a teen father and dick grayson's biological dad.

why. why would you do that fancast when you know it will only hurt people

what? i loved my fancast it was really well done. i did it with good representation in mind and i really managed that with alfred pennyworth being ✨italian✨

Seeing james charles a jason gave me psychic damage how dare you i need to wash my eyes

well that's a you problem isn't it?

do you think dick grayson thirst tweets about nightwing just to annoy his family/cause problems on purpose in general?

he thinks nightwing is hot, next question.

holy jiminy cricket batman, its as cold as the good lords ass crack in here!!

i- what? this is why i don't fuck with english expressions it's way too goddamn weird

Brooooooo, your teen dad!Bruce au is soooo good. I've got brainrot.

Honestly if you ever write anymore, I'd read that shit twice. Sign me the fuck up. Good stuff, Good Stuff.

uh yeah i'm thinking about writing a fic, but i have exams coming up and i don't wanna fail because that would suck. but after i'll certainly be writing more tho

your teen dad AU is so great! bruce acting like a big brother for all of like a week before he's telling everyone about his son. what if in the AU dick meets the JL because they need to rescue him? maybe he's in trouble/kidnapped at a gala and bruce starts calling for JL. clark finds him and has to fly with dick to bring him home - that's how dick and clark meet and superman becomes dick's fave hero. he goes around the manor thinking he can fly with a red blanket draped around him like a cape.

actually- if you want a young dad! bruce fic with like that kinda stuff(just with damian) go check uhh- in for a penny by cdelphiki. it's really good and bruce is like 24/25-ish. (and dick's there!!!)

This account has solely convinced me that Tim is a trash goblin ( @hamilcat-and-magic-turtle )

because he is. that boy has slept in dumpsters on multiple occasions even if he is the son of a billionaire.

Okay but when you said victory dance I did think of the whole justice league defeating the big bad and then they all start flossing

well that's exactly what hal jordan does and that's why batman uses a gun now. no but the victory dance in my opinion is like the 'we're all in this together' dance from high school musical.

The horrors in Invincible s1 was nothing compared to the comics, I cant wait for s2

oh well okay, i mean i personally react to horror and violence by laughing awkwardly so i can't wait to be called a monster for accidentally laughing at a mass murder.

I'm currently watching Batman: The Brave and The Bold and- Bruce is just talking about Oliver like he's an old love (@nightwings-kid)

okay im going to watch that lmao that's totally and completely in character for him tho.

The invincible comic is like super gratuitous with its violence so much so I'm shocked the show was able to adapt it in a faithful way! Anyway had the show been live action it absolutely wouldn't have the same impact as it does as an animated show and I'm so glad so many people agree with me on that

also because a live action casting would've been like uhh amanda stenberg for amber, the dude- the guy from the supernatural but with a mustache for omni-man, and scarlet johanssen for debbie grayson

Debbie grayson is a milf, yes. You're welcome for the invincible propoganda, now you can questions your life. Bruce def seems like the perfect father next to Omni-man. Like they really took a rip off justice league and I was like well, now I'm attached even tho I was like hah I know who they're supposed to be. And then bam- death gore death gore gore gore sad Mark grayson just had to have daddy issues. Why does every character have daddy issues. I'm sick of the attacks

because daddy issues make a person arguably funnier, that's why i'm not even remotely funny (haha good dad flex). i liked that it was dark contextually, but not in the colouring, bc i hate when it's like 'uh yeah graphic murder and now a shot so dark you have to sit in a dark room and squint at the screen to faintly see the characters. (like dcau ugh)

About the Wayne insurance, for a moment I thought you would put the video with moans over the waves.

i mean- i could've done that, but rick rolling seemed more family friendly.

Its the first time in forever that im surpise rickrolled, i usually expect it. Congratulations (i really should know better this is tumblr)

i get rickrolled so often but i actually like the song so i dont really give a fuck

Actually, my information about Damian and John's kids is outdated because it was revealed that the old men telling the kids stories about the Supersons were actually Jon and Damian the whole time. I was blinded by my thirst for Grandpa!Bruce Wayne but I was wrong... I liked my version better, tbh (@artemisa97)

fair enough. but i'd honestly like to see damian and jon getting together, just because it's a really fun dynamic and their friendship was really cute when they were kids. (also idk maybe it would be nice to have one (1) main batfam/superfam character that's not cishet)

How am i JUST finding your blog skdskfkd you're so fucking funny and ur takes are hot

i thought u were calling me hot :( but youre not :( crime detected (but lmao thanks)

So I have depression and I swear that your memes are one of the few things that have made me laugh so thank you 💛🥺 (@katekanebadass)

aw you're welcome, and i hope you're doing okay!

The metropolis memes are so funny, I love them 💀😌

i think metropolis is also so fucking funny it deserves more attention imagine having your entire police force being upstaged by an alien from kansas and his kids

as an american i feel your complete lack of knowledge of us geography is just so sexy (platonic) ❤️

thanks so much (i also don't know any other geography, i'm not kidding, like you can tell me you're from hungary and it will just blank, there will be nothing that comes to mind)

In the DC universe they don't say "Can't have shit in Detroit" they say "Can't have shit in Gotham"

this just reminds me of that guy whose porch got stolen like the steps to his door, and i'm thinking of people living in gotham and waking up without a front door and going "can't have shit in gotham"

honestly all i know about chicago is the bean, so. what would gotham's famous sculpture be?

gigantic gargoyle statue in front of one of the police precincts because a villain thought it was a smart way to keep the police inside, but it's too heavy to move.

why tf do people go on about how batman "works alone" or how he's the "lone wolf" when he like 38290202 members in his family

bc people think it's cool that a grown man in his 30s has no friends or family instead of calling it what it is (sad)

Bruce is gotham's sugar daddy

why would say something so controversial yet so brave.

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

dick: gerard way are you in position, gerard way are you in position

tim: for the last fucking time, my codename is 'totally not count olaf' this week, abbafan 3000

dick: shut up my codename isn't 'abbafan 3000'

dick: it's 'abbafan number 1' and you know it

I have a feeling Tim drake is ur favourite batfamily member but okay u don't have favs if u say so ok

i mean he is, i won't deny it. but i love each and every one of the batfam just the same, i just have a weak spot for short dumbass nerds, because i'm a short dumbass nerd.

Omg i fuckin love boy meets world too fam shsjkfk

bro boy meets world was the shit!!! it was just fire and awesome and so fucking great like bro. it was so good im not even going to be accepting criticism

you know I find the whole "joker completes batman" thing a bit disgusting considering the horrendous stuff the batfamily went through because of the joker and let's not get started on the "joker has a point" thing like yeah he's this cool complex villain but he's absolutely batshit crazy

like yes! i get what you mean the joker just fucking sucks man he doesn't do shit for batman's character or the batfam he's literally just annoying as fuck. like the joker has a point' shit is so stupid. i will accept 'magneto was right' because he fucking was and i think he didn't do anything wrong, but joker? he's just like that. he's not even cool and complex he's just a weirdo with a bleach kink at this point.

ALSO YOUR RACISM POST- SO TRUE BESTIE

thanks bestie, i'm glad you agree.

in today's essay of why I think cass should become batman- I was thinking Tim would probably be the most efficient batman in many ways but I also think he wouldn't want to be batman tbh none of the batfamily members would want to be batman because they're trying to outgrow him but cass is the one who wants to represent the symbol that is batman

absofuckinglutely i will say it again and again that cass represents the batsymbol more than anyone in the batfam, in batgirl (2000) she literally didn't care about anything else than bruce's oath to not kill, she thought the batsymbol was more important than anything in gotham. she's just an excellent character because her motivation to not kill is not 'i'm scared i can't come back from it' or 'well my dad says no murder so i'll go along with it' but that she's killed somebody as a young child and she never wants to kill a human ever again and that's so fucking beautiful for a new batman like yes.

need more cass, duke and tim inclusion in gothamite memes

yes yes, a tall order of cass, duke and tim coming up in 1-14 business days

oldest to youngest batfam members cus I'm confused as shit

okay order of being taken in: dick, jason, tim, cass, damian, duke order of age: alfred, bruce, dick, cass, jason, tim, duke, damian (though cass and jason are around the same age general consensus is that cass is a little older)

I'm so confused Steph is a redhead?? like how was it that hard to get this right? the source material is literally right there and free

cw is jared, 19

do you receive anon hate? if so, how do you deal with it

uh no, i'm not remotely popular enough to get anon hate and i also don't say a lot of things that would attract anon hate, but i do send anon hate to @the-real-peter-parker because he forgot about the specialists from winx club

Wait how many languages do you speak??

uhh- 5 if you include latin, but that's a dead language and i'm really bad at it. but english, my native language, german, and french also, tho german and french not fluently.

You can mix aguaepanela with aguardiente 😈 and is tasty

okay but now i'm curious if the liquor deserves the 😈 emoji or if that's a you problem. but i googled it and it looks like something you'd take one sip of and then not remember the rest of your evening.

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Billionaires Bae-by

Masterlist

Warnings: Adult content 18+, slight smut, swearing

A/n:Right I'm not 100% on timelines but I'm making it up to fit in around my characters lives ect. Hope you enjoy xx

The time has come for you to become public knowledge, luckily Bruce calls in a friend to help.

Billionaires Bae-by

You woke up with a start to the screech of a high pitched ringtone confused and bleary eyed you looked around finding yourself on Bruce's side of the bed alone rolling over on the massive bed struggling, arms and legs flaying about doing your best impression of a swimmer to make your way to you phone on the side table as the soft mattress and thick covers swallowed you. Just as you reached your side of the bed then silence the phone had stopped. You'd missed the call. You hung your head sighing until you heard Bruce speaking. Looking over you saw him sitting on the small love seat looking far to handsome this early in the morning, smirking shaking his head at your antics answering his phone. You pouted you'd moved for nothing, and now you were in the cold side of the bed. You huffed slumping onto your back spreading out under the covers.

"...Today?...Yes that'd be great.....thanks Clark " he hung up shaking his head at you as you pouted at him sleepily.

"Not funny" you groaned snuggling into the comforter debating weather to get out of the bed or not. Bruce's bed was far too comfy if you had your way you'd never leave it, tho you dare not let him know that something tells you he wouldn't protest probably encourage it. You pulled the cover to your face breathing in a scent that was just him, it was a mix of the fresh smelling cologne he wore and a distinct musky scent of the man himself. He sat on the bed leaning over pulling you across the bed to him by your wrists you rolled half way on your front propping yourself on your elbows stretching up for a long kiss he grunted sucking your tongue into his mouth a little before pulling back.

"Good morning babe"

"Yes it is. Sweets" you giggled sitting up fully yawning and stretching he got off the bed taking the belt he had hung over the love seat and pulled it through the loops buckling it. You licked your lips unconsciously as he looked at you through the top of his eyes grinning. Then a thought hit you.

"Where did you go last night?" you asked he tilted his head at you. You'd noticed since staying at the manor that he didn't get much sleep. Maybe three to four hours a night. He normally slipped out of bed somewhere between nine and ten then didn't return until around five or six am, it was concerning, when you asked Alfred he had just given you a vague answer ,about work emergencies and stress then that Bruce had had trouble sleeping since his parents and that he was probably leaving the room so he wouldn't wake you as well. All valid reasons you supposed letting it go but you would like to hear it from Bruce himself. He looked up sighing looking a little guilty and seemed off.

"I'm sorry did I wake you?" he asked sitting back down on the bed slipping on his shoes you shimmied down onto the floor and padded around to him softly ruffling his hair moving to cup his face caressing the small scruff he had.

"No... I noticed you were gone when I used the bathroom.... is everything ok?" you said calmly, he tilted his head kissing your palms one by one then held them in his own.

"Yes .....I just have problems sleeping... at first it was nightmares of ...well you know.. then it just became a habit I cant seem to shake... sometimes its to do with work and stuff but I found that I don't need as much sleep anymore." he admitted you could see he was uncomfortable so decided not to pursue it you were satisfied for the moment he would tell you when he was good and ready. You grinned at him

"That's a relief I thought it was my snoring that had drove you away" he bellowed a laugh wrapping you up in a strong hug around your hips holding you tightly against him you winced as he pressed against the marks he had left yesterday.

"Baby loosen up a bit would you... hips" you said he immediately loosened his hold pressing his face into your chest giving a fleeting kiss to each nipple making you jump as they to were still tender and slightly swollen from the past few days of his insatiable ministrations. Smirking he brought his hands up rolling them on his palms making you squirm as he dug his face between your breasts licking over deep purple and blue marks he had sucked into your cleavage just as your breathing started to become harsher pants he retreated completly with a smirk as you leaned forward unconsciously then snapped out of what ever lusy haze he had placed on you chuckling with a hard squeeze pushing you away from him lightly patting your bottom.

"Come on you time to get dressed Clark will be here soon for the interview."

"What he's coming today?" Bruce nodded

"Someone took a photo of us the other day its been doing the rounds on the internet and tv but thankfully not a lot has been in the news or magazines yet, Clark's boss heard and has been all over him about it because he knows we know each other so Clark is coming over this morning to do it and get some photos."you gaped at him

"ok what do you mean by not a lot in the news?" he gave you a look

"Bruce? what have they said?" you asked getting a little panicked mind racing with all the possible rumors they could have started. Or worse what if somehow they'd saw you in his office you gasped freaking out as your mind instantly began thinking the worst. He nodded his head to the small side table by the window seeing a news paper Gotham gazette yesterdays copy with two photos of you and Bruce from the incident at the tower. One was from the side showing your profile more than your actual facial features with your hand on his chest trying to calm him down as he spoke to the guard it showed clearly that he was angry with the man, the other was much clearer a face on shot of you both, you tucked into his side as you made your way to the elevators. The headline read 'Billionaire Bae-by' you took a deep breath no one saw what you'd done in the office. Reading the first few lines of the article. They didn't have much info just that someone had gone to the tower and whilst being escorted out Bruce had come down scolded a security guard and secretary then disappeared with the woman, the rest was just contemplating your identity with words like model and personal assistant thrown in here and there. In a way you were flattered. You felt Bruce walk up behind you placing a hand on your back rubbing small circles.

"Are you ok Sweetsq? don't worry everything will be ok. I've already got Mary and security looking into who took those photos it will all be sorted I promise." you snapped out of your hectic thoughts and scoffed throwing the paper back down

"Bae-by really? they get paid to write for a living and that's the best they got? honestly I'm just happy there's not photos of us in the office" he huffed kissing the back of your head

"Well other tabloids have dubbed you the new queen of Gotham, maybe that's more you? personally I'd say princess well after yesterday at least" he wiggled his eyebrows at you when you faced him you almost didn't take the bait but looked soo pleased with himself you couldn't let him down.

"Oh year and why is that?" he swallowed at the look you gave him

"Well your my little pillow princess" he said as matter of fact grinning you gaped at him shifting on your feet.

"Excuse you!! them water jets were powerful I couldn't move you-you fuck!" you growled out stomping away from him making him laugh out loud apologizing as you made your way over to where your bag had been the previous night stopping short.

"Babe wheres my stuff?"

"In here" he said pulling out a drawer in the dresser beside him.

"And some is in the closet your makeup is in the vanity in the bathroom, I didn't like you living out of a bag so had Alfred move it this morning while you slept." you looked stumped at him slightly touched at the implications.

"You didn't have to do that." moving towards him looking in the drawer seeing a majority of the clothes that jack had brought over for you. You grabbed your long royal blue roll neck jumper and black crushed velvet leggings with your undies.

"You best get ready Clark should be here soon" Bruce commented kissing you then making his way to the door

"You never did tell me who he wrote for."

"Oh he writes for the Daily Planet any way I will see you down stairs in a bit" he left as you tried to wrap your head around what was about to happen.'Daily planet?' Now that was a big deal, it was a bit nerve wracking letting everyone see you , know your name and step into the spotlight but at the same time you trusted those around you, and most of all you trusted bruce he wont let you fall. Making your way to the bathroom having a quick shower not washing your hair as Jack didn't bring your hair dryer and you had no idea where Bruce's one was or if he even had one. Slipping out you quickly threw on your outfit before standing before the vanity your small makeup bag on the side.

'do I got full face or light?' you debated you didn't want to slap a ton on your face too much could go wrong yet there was going to be photos. You decided to play safe and do your normal daily make up of eyebrows and eyeliner reassuring yourself that Bruce loves the way you look with of without. You left the room making your way downstairs hearing Bruce and Alfred talking to someone turning the corner you saw a tall broad man with black hair Bruce's face lit up.

"And here she is now Clark this is Y/n my girlfriend, Y/n this is Clark the reporter I was telling you about." Clark turned to face you smiling a dazzling smile his bright blue eyes shone impossibly bright, he was very handsome in the clean cut boy next door way. You nodded smiling shaking Clark's hand.

"Its nice to meet you, Thank you for doing this .. I've got to admit that I'm nervous about all this so you'll have to bare with me." Clark shook his head watching as you and Bruce seemed to have a pull that tugged you towards one another.

"That's no problem Bruce is a friend we go way back, and you have no reason to be nervous I will send you a copy of my article before it prints and will only write what you ask me to, I understand that you have concerns over your younger brother?" you nodded already liking the man he seemed trustworthy.

"Yes I don't really want him to be included to much... for his sake" Alfred interrupted

"I've set up coffee in the front sitting room if you'd like to make your way through." Bruce nodded thanking him and made your way to the room to conduct the interview. Once you were all settled with your drinks Clark began.

"So your Y/n Cooke?" you nodded shyly sitting tight against Bruce

" If you don't mind me asking how old are you?" you cringed waiting for the judgmental scoff as you stated your age.

"25" he nodded not giving any judgmental indications over your age or bringing up the age gap he just wrote down on his note book.

"And how did you meet ?" you were grateful when Bruce answered making the decision of how much to let people know, he had more experience with these things.

"Damien has been having his best friend from school over for a few months who happens to be y/n's younger brother, he couldn't stop gushing over her so I known of her for nearly seven months before meeting her. We actually met at Damien's school just over 3 months ago there was an incident that has since been dealt with but it involved both Damien and Jack." he smiled down at you.

"She came into the waiting area fretting over both of the boys like a mother hen and I was instantly drawn to her, the way she ignored everything around her instead focused solely on making sure they were unharmed and finding out there side of things."

you blushed continuing.

"I was hounded by Damien for months about coming over to meet Bruce but always brushed him off. But I distinctly remember being mortified when met him, I hadn't realized he was there. I sat down and noticed Bruce had been watching me the whole time. Then he backed me up when trying to sort things out with the principle in the office .. I was shocked but very grateful to him." Clark nodded writing everything down as you both recounted your meeting.

"So you met at the school?for a meeting? that's unusual could you elaborate?" you looked to Bruce who grunted at Clark

"Don't push it, there was a few issues the school had..... overlooked shall we say. For some months, Y/n walked in and set them straight. It has now been sorted. I was impressed at how she dealt with it and invited her out to lunch and we have been together since" he explained you relaxed a bit when he skipped the whole avoidance thing. Clark took a sip of his coffee and turned to you.

"So if you don't mind me asking about your brother? your responsible for him"you shifted uncomfortably.

"I-I am err can we not include to much about Jack? please?" you looked from one to the other

"Its ok I wont include to much just weather your his legal guardian, honestly I probably wont include it to much.. its mainyl to give context to why it was you there and not your parents." Bruce froze seeing where this was going. It has only been recently that you'd informed him of how your parents had died and he knew discussing it would cause upset on both sides he gave a growl of warning.

"Clark don't-" you put a hand up stopping him

"I will tell you the circumstances because your a friend of Bruce's but I'd rather you leave the details out is that fair?" Bruce tried to protest but you waved him off.

"Bruce its fine" you said as Clark nodded looking at Bruce strangely he got the feeling that his reaction wasn't just for you, nevertheless he nodded agreeing to your terms.

"My parents went on a day out, having a romantic trip just the two of them whilst Jack was at school, they were visiting the place's that were special to them where they met, first kiss that sort of thing it was for their anniversary. My dad had booked dinner at the restaurant that they got engaged in as a treat ,mum didn't know that bit he wanted to surprise her....they never made it tho...they.... it was the day of the metropolis disaster needless to say they didn't survive. I was away at college at the time. I had just turned 20, I dropped out that day packed my bags and come back home to Gotham and became Jacks legal guardian and have been looking after him since." you took a deep sigh it was five years but it was still fresh in a sense, luckily you had Jack to focus on and you pulled through it all because of him. You had to be strong for him. You will never forget that day tho, you had phoned over and over desperate to here from them hoping that they hadn't gone, you missed all your classes packing , you just had a gut feeling that you had to go home. When you heard nothing you left and was home in less than a day Jack had stayed with a friend that night, it took Four agonizing days but finally they had been confirmed as some of the casualties you broke down. It was just a devastating case of in the wrong place at the wrong time. With everything that happened in those few days looking back on it was still hard. You looked up again and was startled at the look Clark had on his face. His blue eyes darkened it was like a shadow had fallen over him, he looked absolutely devastated, wracked with guilt for some reason.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... if I'd have known I'd-" as he trailed off you looked a little confused then remeberd he was from metropolis he probably would have been there. You smiled softly at him.

"Hey its fine I'm ok Jacks ok, no ones to blame, we all have to go sometime It was there time. but they were together and that is a small comfort" Bruce watched quietly knowing how Clark had felt about the whole incident.

"You don't blame anyone? not even superman?" you tilted your head contemplating before leaning back against the loveseat you and Bruce occupied finally shaking your head.

"No. no I don't.. he didn't ask them to come here and fuck shit up.. not like he sent out an invite.. hell no one did I mean they threatened but nobody really believed that it would actually happen. Including my parents.. why should I blame him... he stopped them and in that respect I see him as someone who saved Jack I mean Gotham isn't that far and would have been gone next jack along with it." Clark gave a stiff nod then moved along quickly.

"So you took on Jack and helped him into the scholarship program at school." you nodded to him happy that he seems less gloomy tho you suspected it was a facade.

"Since the papers yesterday some people have reported seeing you out and about together at a restaurants? and cafes? and stuff " Bruce nodded

"We wasn't to keen on being public at first wanting to see how we go, the the more we saw of one another the more serious it became, so began venturing out more and more."

"And I assume that you've met the rest of Bruce's children?"

"Yes I have I was worried at first especially about meeting Dick and Jason, I thought they would disprove of me and Bruce's relationship because of our ages but I was proved wrong they are happy as long as their dad is happy and have both welcomed me with open arms." Clark jotted a few notes then came to the final question.

"and finally I have to ask about the incident at the tower, witnesses said there was an altercation?" you lowered your eyes and Bruce rubbed your leg reassuringly as you took a sip from your drink letting the cup warm your hands ans tucked your feet up onto the seat as Bruce slung an arm across your shoulders you snuggled under his arm as you leaned back on him before he began speaking.

"I was partly to blame for that"

you scoffed into your cup at him and he cocked his eyebrow at you Clark watched as the couple had a small stare down and was floored as Bruce gave in first.

"What you want to explain?"he asked

"No you go right ahead and see who he thinks was the cause of that cave man" you said gulping down another mouthful of coffee Bruce sighed

"it was my fault" you smiled giving an exaggerated nod. He rolled his eyes at you gripping your knee as you laughed.

"Once I got into the office I saw that I only had 2 meetings and would be finished before lunch so I invited Y/n out to lunch as she had an early finish and I made reservations. I had forgotten to have a pass ready for her at the lobby .When she arrived a member of my lobby staff failed to find her on the systems, they didn't believe that y/n was there to see me and was less than pleasant... honestly they had been extremely rude to her before calling security to have Y/n removed. Luckily I had called when this was happening and came down to sort out the confusion." Bruce explained Clark nodded.

"What happened to the staff member?"

"They are undergoing retraining for the position followed by a probation period but if all goes well they will remain at the company"

"And those are the photos we saw?" you nodded

"That one was when Bruce asked the guard who had put in the call to have me removed and the other was as we made our way to the elevators." Clark looked as you pointed out each one then smiled cheekily.

"The real question is did you make the reservations?" he asked slyly Bruce grunted at him his eyes getting darker glint. you ran a hand along his tense jaw.

"No the incident to longer to sort out as Bruce dealt with the staff involved" Clark finished writing then looked up.

"Well I think that's all, just some photos? then I will write it and send it to you for the ok before printing and hopefully be out tomorrow."

"tomorrow? that's fast" you comment

"yes well its better to get these stories done faster than normal that way we can avoid.... more fictitious articles being printed." he leaned down pulling a slim camera from his briefcase. directing you until you were sitting with your legs tucked up under your self leaning into Bruce under his arm he leaned over whispering curling his arm his hand dancing on your bicep pulling you until you felt him below his shirt smiling as Clark held up the camera ready to take some shots.

"Don't look so nervous" you pouted at him turning your head only for him to catch you by surprise with a sweet kiss you heard the snap of a camera Bruce pulled back and you giggled barely registering another camera snap before you both face towards Clark hearing one final snap.

It was later that day you and bruce were alone im the manor alfred had gone to pick up the boys, currently you were lounging around in the den watching some random film playing on tv when Bruce's tablet chimed signalling he had received an email from Clark the article was done.

"That was quick how'd he even get back to metropolis so fast?" He shrugged

"Well you'd be surprised how fast journalists can move.. especially this one" you let out a breath creeping up behind leaning over the back of the sofa peaking at the emailed attachments as he opend them, there was two attachments the first was a front page draft with a blown up photo of you're and Bruce's kiss with the headline 'Gothams New Power Couple' and a small a note 'Our exclusive first interview with the new couple' then the second page was one large page dominated by a photo of you and Bruce face on, you smiling Bruce smirking at you curled up against him and another smaller one of you giggling up at Bruce. You peaked over his shoulder staring at the tablet smileing.

"I like that photo, the big one on the second page" you stated he looked up at you before returning his gaze

"Yes its a keeper... I will get us some copies" he then motioned for you to sit. You did scurried around next to him waiting patiently.

"I'll read it to you. Ready?. " you nodded

"It is official Bruce Wayne is off the market ,he has finally been tamed! I was lucky enough to be invited to Wayne manor for an exclusive interview of Gothams next power couple and was pleasantly suprised. Mr Waynes new mystery partner is not what anyone would have expected. And I can reveal the woman as Miss Y/n Cooke A bright and polite young woman who is mature despite her young age due to her raising her younger brother for the past few years after her parents sudden passing. The couple could not seem to keep away from one another during our interview stealing glances at one another laughing and full of banter ,gravitated towards each other in a way I've rearly seen as they both recounted how they met then explained that they have been secretly dating for nearly four months. The couple met at Mr Waynes sons school where Miss Cooke's brother also attends. They were both invited to a parental meeting and sparks few instantly resulting in there first date, and they have been dateing ever since, being spotted out together in various locations across gotham the past few weeks in particular building up for a big reveal,most recently being photographed together in Wayne Enterprises in the city. Miss Cooke explaind that the photos arent all what they seemed,she went on informing me that she had been invited on to a lunch date with Mr Wayne only to be stopped by some members of staff and eventualy escorted out by security causeing Mr Wayne to intervene resulting in the photos that have previously been leaked on social media. After interviewing Mr Wayne on serveral occasions this is the first time I have seen him this passionate about anything, I saw during my interview a genuine romance that I believe is destined to be a happy ever after for the billionaire business mogul." You smiled a bit shocked at the way Clark had managed kept his word by skipping details yet still gave the media all the answers they wanted, he'd kept Jack out of it for the most part and also sidelined the issues with the school. All in all you thought it was a clever article. Bruce smiled at you.

"What do you think?" You asked apprehensively not really sure if it was good enough having not done this before. He nodded his head

"He is very clever,thats why i called him he has a way of not given any real indepth information but making it sound like he has. He has given enough to satisfy the media. He was a bit sappy at the end but its his way of saying he is happy for me. So you want to let him print it?" You thought for a second. It was a big step in the relationship. But then again he was doing this for you, so you wouldnt have to hide or be made to feel the way you was at the tower. This was so you could both have the freedom to be a couple anywhere. You grinned at that.

"Yeah I dont have any problems with it, I dont see how I could get to much backlash from it... do you?" He shook his head at you before quickly emailing Clark back that it was fine and asked for copies of all the photos ,he wouldnt admit it to you but his favourite was the photo of you giggling and it was going in his office at work... and a copy was going to make its way in the batcave somewhere. He snapped the case closed on his tablet and threw it on the other side of him pulling you to sit on his lap.

"So tomorrow is the big day then... I cant wait until everyone knows your mine." He growled out kissing your shoulder watching the tv you grinned sarcastically.

"Isnt that supposed to be my line?" You leaned back with a calculating look you tilted your head to kiss under his jaw before biting down then lowered your head biting and kissing at his neck, he continued to ignore you watching tv so you upped the anti he furrowed his brow lightly slowly realising what you was upto when he felt you tightened your ass muscles hissing when you sucked harshly rocking on his lap clenching and unclenghing on him whimpering gripping his muscular forearms you felt him twitch below you an insistent prod on your bottom as you gyrated on him. He looked down lust written across his face.

"Are you really ready for me?" He grumbled you looked at him innocently slowly moving his hands from your inner thighs to your hips. you smiled up at him innocently licking your bottom lip befor biting it.

"the question is Mr Wayne are you ready for me?" he groaned wide eyed as you pushed down harshly feeling managing to wedge him between your cheeks lightly and continueds moving he cried out balls aching as he strained against you quickly found himself fully erect rubbing up against you, spinning you straddled his lap squeezing his waist with your thighs pulling one of his hands to your mouth nipping at his pointer and middle fingers lathering them with kitten licks before sucking on them sharply scraping your teeth lightly over them as you pulled back before you pushed forward keeping eye contact , his eyes traced over your face watching with baited breath as you took them deep into your mouth managing not to gag as they past the back of your mouth then pulled them free leaving a small peck on the tips of his fingers. he gulped feeling lost as you pulled back vey pleased with youself he tilted his head at you clearing his throat.

"wh-what are you doing sweets?" you stood leaning down pulling him by the collar forward leaning in as if to kiss him changing direction at the last secodn to whisper in his ear.

"Me? Nothing, apparently I'm a pillow princess" you said before dodging his reaching hands just skimming you as you ran out of the room laughing all the way. He gave chase making you as you grabbed the stair rail turning tight flinging yourself up them as he followed closely hearing him curse as he his hand thumped the post hard when he copied you. Squealing you tucked your bottom underneath you as you heard him catching up fast as you both climbed the stairs he captured you halfway up the stairs pushing you into the wall kissing you. Making you shiver at his quick tongue licking into your mouth moaning at the taste of his tongue. he pushed you tightly against the wall by your shoulders towering over you growling bringing his hips to yours holding you still intimately.

"You think its wise to tease me baby? you think you wont pay for that?" his words hung in the air as he dived back in kissing you. You broke away with a laugh

"well I don't think I will pay tonight at that's for sure" the front door opened and closed followed by a loud chorus of protests coming from below the four boys were home and looked disgusted.

"You have all day to fuck and you choose to have sex on the main stairs when we come home what is wrong with you?" Tim started

"To be fair she was never like this before.... your dad has corrupted her." Jack countered more exasperated then shocked by this point . Jason piped up next arms behind his head slowly making his way to the den.

"Cant argue, good sex has been known to lead women astray." Damien grunted

"Its disgusting are you trying to soil every room in the house?" He was unimpressed apparently. You turned to Bruce smirking deciding to 'poke the bear' as it were

"Not trying Damien we are succeeding first the manor then the cars right Bruce" he barked out a laugh at the faces his two youngest pulled as they boys began to bitch making you both laugh at them. Alfred entered the room from the kitchen obviously hearing some of the conversation he smiled slyly.

"Which reminds me Master Wayne I've drained the Jacuzzi and will be refilling tomorrow there wasn't enough chlorine for the job and it will be arriving tomorrow morning" you heard footsteps running out of the den.

"YOU FUCKED IN THE JACUZZI!!" Jason screamed sliding to a stop beside his brothers who were frozen wide eyed

"WHEN? I USED THAT LAST NIGHT" you looked sheepish then shrugged

"Sorry Jason.... but if its any constellation it was in the morning so hopefully the filter system had gathered any .....err excess she we say?" he paled then ran past you climbing the stairs.

"like you said good sex can lead women astray" Bruce said kissing your head making you giggle at him blushing.

"Your sick sick people! I need a shower, unless you fucked there to?" Bruce raised an eyebrow at you before teasing the teen some more enjoying this far to much

"Well yours is fine we haven't got to that part of the house yet." Jason pointed threateningly at you both speechless

"I......You ......IT'S ........NO!" then padded off down the hall. You pushed Bruce back making your way down to bottom of the stairs slinging your arms across their shoulders making your way to the den each taking a seat you sat beside Jack

"Soo we had an interview today and tomorrow there will be an article in the daily planet about how we met and such... you have been mentioned but not your name ok? and it dose mention our situation" Bruce entered afterwards taking a seat handing Jack his tablet with the email open.

"Here read it for yourself.... If anything happens or is said you-" he cast you a hesitant glance before continuing.

"You can come to me I'll have it all sorted out ok? the papers might try to approach you for comments and such but it'd be better if you didn't they will try to find a way to twist anything you say.... we're family now and I will look after you both" Jack looked from the email to you then Bruce shocked. He and Bruce have banter much like Bruce and his sons but he had felt like he was baggage to a certain extent. jack was touched by Bruce's words he let a small smile slip before covering it quickly. Giving him an accusing look.

"Family? you better not have proposed ,you need my approval for that first sunshine."

"Jack! you little shit he was being genuine" you cried diving at him knocking you both the the floor as Tim quickly snatched the tablet as you began wrestling around on the rug.

"Say sorry!"

"Fuck no!!"

you continued as the others laughed at your antics.

"No no....y/n...... the chin not the neck... yes there the soft bit..... that's it!"

"OOWW! WHAT THE FUCK? WHY DOES THAT HURT SO MUCH" Jack cried as you followed Damien's suggestion.

"Damien! stop encouraging her!" Bruce ordered. .

"I'm not even going to ask" said an unamused Jason as he swept into the room stepping over you and Jack who were still rolling around locked in a grand battle hair damp from the shower he'd just had. This new family was a bit mad but it was yours and you wouldn't change a thing.

Taglist

@125bluemachine125

[startwithbrooklyn]

THE GREAT ND REWATCH OF 2021 / SEPTEMBER 30, 2019 // larkspur lane/the whisper box

this post is a double whammy cause they have 2 eps happen in the same day if u can believe it (thats how awful judging timelines in this show is!!)

-"hi josh..." LMAOOOOOOO

-BESS just breaking in lmaooo how many god damn times does bess just shit the bed in this show

-LOVE her frowny face at nancys closet ("my expectations are low" lmfaoooo but this would totally be me)

-"bet she meant it metaphorically" okayyy but then why did lucy say that at all? i feel like theres defo more to this story, combined with josh's cagey behavior (part of which is to get nancy to stop looking into shit d/t him and karen but still)

-"they dont accept visitors unless they're family" .....🙂

-ace "youre really good at that" to bess i fuckin love this friendship with all my heart (also love their talk at the claw mirroring nick & nancys talk in the last ep)

-also PINK AND ORANGE BESS ARE U BLIND (also 1) why tf would nancy own this and 2) where would she wear it??)

-okay wtf is vampire dip

-"boss??" see this is what i meant yesterday about nancy ruining everything for nick/george

-god DAMN she sucks at dealing with this news lmaooo that emotional competency babey + love george literally agrees to help bc she feels bad (AND nicks immediate look of "you just reprimanded me for helping her last ep and i know why youre doing this rn" lmaoooo)

-LOVE george noticing nick "shout out to jean valjean" lmaooo once again nancy would never have noticed/commented on something like that

-"get the hell out of here" was this foreshadowing for an epic dad joke for these two eps? "how do you make holy water? you boil the hell out of it" 😂😂😂😂

-so what i dont get about the whole haunting is the ball + kids' laughter but its all the emphasis on "mr roper" the adult? wtf like what kind of entity is this

-"how did you ever have a solo career??" 😂

-okay amaya's hair is gorgeous here (also "you feel like a snack" ....👀) *ahhh so the reason bess feels so off balance is bc its like a top vs a top scenario

-has anyone who's ever been to prison confirmed this is what it looks like?

-love how ace is the only employee there when they all leave so he had to fucking close the place when he goes

-why does she take the whole file? time constraints? it'd be smarter to take pics + replace it (better sleuthing) but this place is clearly not well run anyway 😂

-so this is a pretty decent cover she invents but theres no way she would get away with it so easily for a real guard

-love how ace recognizes ryan's car (+ is able to find it by driving around)

-"my father wouldnt do anything like that" LMFAOOOOOO SIS WHY ARE U DEFENDING HIM ironically, ace is actually the best person suited to engage w ryan here d/t the car accident + connection with laura being ryans SIL. its a unique set up

-i am fascinated by the concept of priests + holy water being so effective here combined with mcginnis' beliefs and basically nondenominational ghosts/seances etc after that. the show is very clearly big on diversity but definitely steers clear from too much WASP stuff yk? wonder if other stuff from christianity works against the ghosts/demons like taking refuge in a church "holy ground" or using silver etc

-"did this start after the night of sept 10?" *this is where you get the time line for the seance if you didnt know

-this is so fucking funny when u realize that patient sal talks to is actually a ghost so sal really is psycho i guess 😂

-bitchsplain/tall jar of mayonnaise 🙏🏻😌 2gether 4ever

-how did ace get this van? also heart attack when he yells at carson (but then grins at him like a goofball lmaooo)

-"for nancys sake and yours" damn she owes ace big time for all this shit

-"what do we do for 7 minutes?" ...ummm play 7 minutes in heaven lmaooo 👀🥵

-was not expecting ace to look this sexy holding an axe but okay (*ah, its his short sleeve shirt showing his arms. usually hes a sleeves guy)

-"desperate for attention" nancy (from gomber) vs "bc she's starved for attention" patrice --> lucy (and candace also...) we know nancys detective work makes her seem like an attention seeker, but what was lucy doing to make them all think that? she was trying to hide her relationship with ryan, not expose it. unless they just mean the rumors about her?

-so is patrice hiding lucy's "truth" talking about lucy being a whore or lucy being a ghost? what is lucy's secret? did patrice guess she was pregnant or did patrice's somehow garbled mind remember tiffany trying to show patrice the video with lucy on it?

-wonder what captain thom thinks of this stand off w ace lmaooo

-"like you do?" top v top shenanigans

-how awko for carson to talk to karen again like this

-"oh no" ACE 😂

-love how amaya says "be a human" like shes kind of admitting people in rich circles typically arent (^this is an interesting focus in s2 when bess's rich family rejects her, thus making her human again, but nancy embraces her rich fam and experiences subsequent moral struggle which is predicted with the wraith)

-wonder what ryan thinks he could get from the marvins (which he cant get now lmaooo)

-this damn whisper box. so many questions. who named it the whisper box? why are the ropers' old possessions still there? who decided to build a mental hospital on top of it? and patrice! she "hid lucy's secrets" hannah gruen thinks tiffany tried to show patrice video w lucy on it, which patrice then specifically says she hid in the thin mans book. so patrice knows of the thin man? can she see him? does she know he was a ghost/supernatural? she must have a supernatural sense to know about him (unless sal told or some shit) so then when tiffany shows up w/ lucy being supernatural in it patrice hides it to protect her? is this why she is "crazy" kinda like victoria? supernatural elements or ability to sense ghosts makes her unstable? this is why lucy being a ghost/nursery rhyme that she repeats makes patrice worse/"stroke"? how did patrice even get into the whisper box to put the key in the bible and get out without getting trapped? also, her dementia --> lucidity is really fucking off, some people mildly switch like that but usually with dementia they cant even register new shit anymore

-...so did bess take the ride? 👀

-interesting how celia says "your father will be disappointed" but nothing of her own opinion. wonder how much celia truly puts up with to keep everett calm and nonhomicidal

-like george asking nick follow up questions that nancy never really would have asked

🥞🥞🥞(ep13)🥞🥞🥞

-is this bitch just eating a plain pancake with her bare hand?

-"extra case load and excessive volunteering" ugh. nancy's family here are like, gross in how "good" of people they are // unrealistic, trying to paint carson in the best light/ no way ryan could ever compare (but the reality is theyre not that good of people for lying about nancy) **and shes arrogant to think shes better than everyone else ie the only one who truly lives virtuously, thinks she can do no wrong sometimes even tho using sex to cope, breaking and entering, etc is not morally "good" stuff she still thinks she is the only one who doesnt lie and plays fair (like in the pilot she lists everyone else as a suspect but herself- obviously we know she isnt guilty but no one else does. (i mean in theory we really dont, what if nancy was an unreliable narrator and was actually guilty, that would be a hella cool show)its reactions like that where she cant understand why others like the chief suspect her

-ooooh ironic that in the Good Place carson readily agrees to pay her for helping with cases as opposed to s2 in reality

-nick's house has "problems" so why does he need a lawyer? as opposed to an interior designer, plumber, or realtor?

-in the Good Place nick and george realize they are not going to work out after one date. does this failure in the Good Place predict failure in reality, or merely an easier way of figuring out the truth? does this mean that the "opposite" of the Good Place is reality, or only an opinion of what is better? (nancy says "you all like me" as her opinion of them liking her is skewed; does this then only reflect nancys version for what is the "perfect life"?)

-why is bess a hippie??? and love how george curls her hair and wears pink lipstick here

-if this dream is so realistic then why is the one thing it cant conjure smoke? like how random

-love the locket being a key realization bc with things like jewelry you dont notice the weight of them until theyre gone

-"you all like me" in her perfect life nancy means they "like" her objectively/regardless of circumstance even though liking her is still an objective choice (like they "like" her because of other reasons instead of her working at the claw? (like how you make friends with coworkers/people at school every day but after you leave the job/graduate you never speak to them again) and her "thanks for showing up!" as if theyre not doing exactly that in reality 😐like where is she getting this shit? she sort of acknowledges in earlier eps she is hard to like/that she puts mysteries before friends, but also pushing them away to avoid danger like the previous ep "why do u show up" etc

-is it just me or does the inside of nicks "house" look like the drews'?

-nick has a dick scar lmaooooo (or more likely was hit in the balls or smth)

-love how nick + george match their anger in confronting sal 100% on the same level

-so when did ace go back to work after having such a busy day earlier?? lmaooo

-damn father shane is a creep (casting defo hired him for his voice) and how tf did he just poof + escape? and what did he request???

-love bess's white hair bow here 😌+ her jacket, whole outfit on point as usual

-like how bess is right that nancy has to find her way out but thats kind of a nonstarter for a room full of panicked people wanting to help

-in the Good Place theres no bad blood between drews + hudsons bc nancy is really theirs

-"the only one who has the key is you" in the Good Place nancy has the key (smaller picture, to finding out what happened to lucy but bigger picture, post-reveal) but ryan has the clues nancy needs- following the Good Place's mirroring, this just means that in reality ryan will either be completely useless or an active hindrance (but you KNOW this is a dream bc in what universe would ryan remember clues like that 😂)

-so in a perfect universe ryan acknowledges his family's "criminal empire" as opposed to reality where he only makes under cover jabs about disengaging with being an "entitled corrupt legacy criminal" ie finding the bonny scot relics but does nothing about them, etc

-"strippers" 😂

-okay what is nancys obsession w her beanie?? bc her mom made it? "wear beanies do crimes?" idk

-making the call: nancy -unable to make up for lost time/both her mothers had to find out/suffer alone / in the Good Place nancy was able to be with kate while she called, and in reality she had carson; somethig about seeing the mother looking to the daughter for strength in the Good Place instead of the reverse (which is what reality sounded like, kate being strong for nancy through the illness despite the struggle)

-concept: nancy & nick "let's wait out the storm"

-"i believe that you believe it" nick in the Good Place + owen in reality both trust nancy when she says she's seen things (owen's is the teeth) but nick in reality (and not really knowing details) doesnt think much of their "moment" bc it wasnt real (so she had to leave the Good Place to save carson- but if she had known then he wasnt her real dad, would she have stayed to be w nick?)

-stranger - suede james 💙👌🏻

-"really anxious as a kid" v telling bc of her desire to know everything to remain in control of situations like she always does now

-"the medicine or the metaphysics?"/"you cannot beat supernatural with science"

-i love nancy playing with her pinky while saying goodbye 🥺

-"always seek out the truth even if it hurts" this is straight irony bc kate never told nancy anything. like does that include the truth about nancys parentage? they taught her to seek out the truth, but who taught her that the truth is the only thing to live by? ie things dont count anymore like carson and kate straight up raising her is tossed out bc she finds out its not "the truth" like all that work/stress to protect carson + she just drops him? with kate maybe shes just upset thst she spent all that time mourning for someone who lied. and would she do the same to ryan if needed? probably

-bess and ace head tilt 💙

-like how for all the time she spent there nancy only has a subconscious memory of blue curtains

-YESSSSS i LOVEthese beautiful overhead shots of hannah's hands. so out of character for the show lmao but so gorgeous

-i feel like future eps/grand future will be nancy going through the lock boxes to help people who asked hannah for help

-the video is officially dated Aug 22, 2019

-soooooo in the first ep nancy breaks into the hudsons house and finds tiffanys secret drawer w the nail polish and finds the amulet with a note that says "for your protection HG" yet on this video tiffany says she talked to a medium who gave her the amulet sooooo am i just confused? HG is hannah gruen obvi so is the address for the medium what hannah gave her? or was the address on the amulet which nancy dissolved in salt water to see? so how would tiffany know where to go? its chicken and the egg which came first hannah or the medium?

and lastly:

i close these two eps with a thought that everything in this show is sealed in death. all the lies, the imagery, the fake constructs people put up to get by all crumple the second someone dies- all the secrets come clean just like these doors have been unsealed.

[bleepblopbloop56]

Discovering the Soul

Okay guys heres the deal i mightve already posted this forever ago but i cant find it and im pretty sure it only got like 2 likes so were trying this again.

Warnings: panic attack, crying, soulmate au

---

Virgil didn’t have a soulmate. Not really a surprise. A lot of people didn’t have soulmates, it was fairly common actually. Only about 75% of the population actually HAD the black stains on their skin, showing the first place their soulmate would touch them. Some people never find their soulmates, and that was fine. People still continued dating and getting married, even with people they knew weren’t their soulmate. Sometimes soulmates just didn’t exist, and that was okay.

What wasn’t okay was the stigma around not having a soulmate. In schools kids were often bullied for not having one, leading to higher risk of mental health problems in people without them.

The way that soulmarks work is simple. From the moment you’re born a black stain appears on your skin, the first time that your soulmate touches you will be in that place and  you’ll know because the mark bursts into color. Most people had them on their hands, signifying a handshake, an accidental brushing of hands, a slap in some cases.

His friend Logan had one covering most of his back. His friend Roman had the usual hand one, covering the bottom an some of the top half of his fingers. Dee had one looking suspiciously like a bitch slap... Perhaps the soulmark shaped the person. Maybe if Dee had a different soulmark he wouldn’t act like such an ass all the time, practically begging to be slapped by someone. Maybe Logan wouldn’t be so observant if he wasn’t always sitting with his back towards the wall, watching the place, because he didn’t WANT a soulmate. Maybe if Virgil had a soulmark he’d be happy. Maybe he wouldn’t cover up every inch of his skin so people on the street wouldn’t know about his fate, maybe he’d actually let people touch him instead of jerking violently at even the wind, if it dares to get too close.

Maybe if Virgil wasn’t so closed off he would’ve known sooner…

---

God how Virgil wished this would just be a normal day. How he wished he could turn back time and just, make things better. Patton was running just a bit too fast down the school’s hallway, Logan was walking a bit too slow to carry on a conversation outside of Virgil’s classroom. And suddenly, Logan’s back was slammed into by Patton’s chest, knocking them both over in the process. Logan gasped, but not in pain, and frantically tried feeling at his back. Patton took a minute more to realise what was happening, to even realise that had hit someone and fell.

“Logan?! Are you okay?!” virgil helped him up and tried his best to ignore the growing crowd of people. Logan didn’t seem to notice, or if he didn’t, he didn’t care.

“Check, please check” logan panted out, still not quite being able to grasp the situation. Virgil grimaced as he pulled the back of Logan’s shirt up and sure enough, his previously black stained skin was now covered in bright shades of blue, standing out against the rainbows. Patton was frantically pulling at his own collar, pushing it down just enough to expose the bright rainbow colors of a newly found soulmate.

“Oh my goodness!!!!” patton squealed jumping up and nearly tackling logan in a hug. And for the first time any of them have ever seen, logan laughed. He actually laughed as he wrapped his arms around patton and hugged him back. Sure, him and virgil had been friends for a while and he had seen logan chuckle, but this was different. This was a full blown laugh. Logan was happy. The local “i don’t need a soulmate” emotionless robot had seemed to completely forget his disinterest as he grabbed on tight to the happiest person in the world. Patton had tears in his eyes as he laughed too. Of course the goofiest, most clumsy boy in school ends up with a boy like him.

Virgil felt sick. He always heard that seeing someone get a soulmate was beautiful, “almost as beautiful as meeting your own” apparently. But seeing his best friend so happy, hugging a boy with a rainbow chest, it was just another reminder that of course virgil didn’t have a soulmate, and of course his best friend did.

---

Everyone always thought roman would be one of the many people to not notice when their soulmark changed colors. Too many people brushed against each other in a crowd, never to be seen or heard from again. Most people assumed that since he did such vivid arm movements when he talked, expressing himself much like a cartoon, he’d end up somehow slapping someone who sat to close and not realising it.

“How could i ever not realise i touched my soulmate?! Its my true love i think i would know!!” princey said, wildly gesturing with his fork accidently slapping someone with a piece of chicken before plopping it into his mouth, completely oblivious.

“Are you 100% certain you would notice?” Patton had very quickly been pulled into their group of friends after the whole soulmate incident. Virgil hated seeing them together. He hated seeing the two together everyday and not being able to suppress his anger and sadness over not having someone to make him that happy. Almost everyone was surprised that logan “i don’t want a soulmate”  berry was nearly constantly holding hands with patton foster and almost everyone could admit that he looked happier after they met. it made virgil sick.

“I’m just saying if this nerd found a soulmate before me something must be wrong with fate!” the conversation faded out as virgil stared off into space. All this soulmate talk never failed to make virgil uncomfortable. They knew he was still there right? He was snapped out of his thoughts by a grape smacking him straight in the face.

“Yo, stormcloud, you good?” roman never really was good at comforting, or being nice for that matter. He tended to upset people without meaning to with his mannerisms and jokes and nicknames. Half the school hated him and he had no idea what he did.

“Yeah, fine” virgil replied darkly, hiding a bit more behind his jet black bangs. He knew it was irrational to be angry at the group, none of them were responsible for his lack of soulmate. That was all his fault for being born wrong.

“I’m going to the bathroom” he choked out, leaving the table with tears in his eyes. Maybe he could just skip the rest of the school day. Then he wouldn’t have to see any godforsaken soul couples with their hand holding and forehead kissing and reminders of how virgil would never have that.

---

Maybe if he hadn’t come to school today none if this would’ve happened. Maybe if he just stayed home his life would forever be different.

Maybe if he’d just stayed home he wouldn’t be having a panic attack with Roman prince sitting in front of him trying to calm him down.

“I can’t- i can’t- I can’t- I cant-” his breath came in violent hiccups as he reached into his hair and started to pull. Roman had never seen him so torn up over something so small like a kiss on the cheek. It was like the littlest things set him off anymore.

“please try and breathe Virgil, come on, deep breaths” he had no idea what he was doing and just prayed that he helped him in some way. Virgil shook his head and violently jerked away from Romans hand when it reached out to touch him.

“it’s not- it’s not fucking fair! It’s not fair it’s not fair” Virgil cried, curling in on himself, crying so hard he could puke. It wasn’t fair that other people got to be happy when Virgil didn’t. It wasn’t fair that Virgil got called names and pushed around just because he didn’t have a soulmate. It wasn’t fair.

Roman was desperately trying to calm down the boy in front of him, resisting the urge to just hug him and hold him tight. But Virgil didn’t like touching. And he definitely didn’t want to be touched now when he was freaking out over soulmates, when he was panicking.

But his hands were pulling at his hair, he was going to hurt himself if he didn’t stop soon.

Roman weighed his options and decided that he’d help calm him down after he made sure he was safe.

“Virgil please..” Roman reached his hand out to pull virgils hands away from his scalp, but Virgil jerked his away, trying to avoid contact, and left romans hand nowhere to go but in his hair.

And it was so much more beautiful than they could’ve ever imagined. It felt like Sparks and birthdays and puppies and love. All the negative emotions drained from them immediately, leaving them both gasping at the sudden change. Virgil’s hair burst into colors, shades of purples and blues outshining the rest.

“but… I thought I didn’t..” Virgil shot up from the floor and ran to the mirror. Hoping ad begging that he wasn’t just imagining the feeling. And he was more than overjoyed that his edgy vibe was brutally murdered by his now rainbow hair.

And he smiled. He smiled and smiled and smiled and smiled. He finally understood why couple’s acted the way they did when they met their soulmate. Why Logan was laughing, why Patton was crying, why even if you met in the middle of a tragedy you couldn’t help feeling like it’d all be okay. It was all so much love that left no room for pain or negativity. And then Virgil was crying, this time tears of joy.

“dude..” Roman whispered before jumping to his feet,“ DUDE!!!! Your hair!!! My hand!! Oh my God oh my fucking God look!!!” Roman gestures wildly towards his own hand, bouncing up and down like a middle schooler.

And then Roman was close, and closer, and then they were hugging and everything was electric. Romans head was nestled into Virgil’s hair, and it felt perfect. He placed a kiss right on the top of Virgil’s head, and it was fireworks all over again.

“is this how it’s gonna feel Everytime we touch?” Roman whispered, more to himself than anything, “ cause I’m never letting you go”

“Never let me go…”

[vamish]

The Order

So recently The Order season 2 has come onto Netflix so I have decided to compare my thoughts and feelings of the characters from season 1 into their growth and whatever on season 2 

First we’ll start off with my babies and end it with the trash [any negative options of characters do NOT stretch to the actors themselves]

Randall  

Season one 

He is such a cute adorable soul, I love his loyalty and adoration fr his friends hes honestly one of the best written characters on the show, he is the definition of baby

Season two

we got to see more of a stubborn side to him this season, he still shows his undying loyalty to not only his friends but the cause. It actually hurt to see him so upset when that bitch ruby used him. He still is baby but he bi baby, that kiss with Hamish really made me realise that hes shippable with anyone and everyone.

What I would like to see for him in season three; 

I would love for him to slowly start to accept magic more, and to see him use it a bit more, and for him to find someone that genuinely cares for him, whether its Gabrielle or another character I just want my baby to be happy.

Hamish

Season one

I never really had much of an opinion on Hamish, at the beginning of season one I thought he was a bit bland, but then he really grew on me, the way he spoke about Cassie and his choice of beer pong to settle group choices, my mans not an alcoholic, hes a alcohol aficionado and my son. His little look at Vera at the end gave me a bit of feels

Season two 

I cant not start this without Randall and Hamish’s kiss, I love it, a love story for the ages, either both Hamish and Randall are bi or somewhere in the community or they’re so solid in their heterosexuality that they really do not care and I’m cool with either [I’d more so believe Randall is the first option than the second]. But Hamish and Vera are also a power couple, I’m not sure the age difference but Vera is older right? But I love Hamish’s belief in Vera and The Order its such a big difference from the Hamish that we first met that wanted to take them down. I would love to drink one of Hamish’s concoctions.

What I would like to see for him in season three;

I would love for Hamish to progress more with Vera, and for him and the other wolves to learn more about their wolves and the history.

Jack

Season one

In the first season Jack was literally just a puppet, he was always being controlled by something or someone, the main one being his granddad, the relationship was so broken between them I wish we had gotten a real bonding moment the closest we had was either when Jack was dying because of silver back and at that point he was barely conscious or when we saw his pops trying to avenge jacks and his mothers death and Jack had to watch him explode. I really didn't feel any real emotion except a little twinge because I knew that Jack was upset. Jack himself wasn’t inherently a good or bad character his biggest flaw is that he literally throws himself into things because of emotion. Was super happy when he woke up after dying and Randall came and gave him a hug

Season Two 

This has to be said Blonde Jack grew on me and low key was sexy as fuck no one can tell me otherwise [Thank you Gabrielle]. I love Jack I really do but his biggest fucking flaw is his feelings for one bitch that can not be named right now. He did make some big mistakes this season but he’s only a teen [Hes like what nineteen now?] but hes really willing to die for his team and and confirmed Jack has soft lips, my baba uses lip balm.

What I would like to see for him in season three; 

I would love for him to find all of the rest of the stolen objects, for people *AHEMALYSSA* to stop blaming him for everything ‘oh there is one cloud in the sky must be jacks fault’ 

Lilith 

Season one 

Now again I was not sure on Lilith just because when they introduced us to her character, I thought she was very one dimensional by that I mean they were just going to try and pass her off as a strong female by making her blood thirsty but within one episode I went from not liking her to loving her my little ‘Kilith’ a beautifully murderous soul, her reaction to her finding out that her at Alyssa were best friends was brilliant. Her and Randall's kiss was sort of unexpected but I was cool with it I thought they would have at least had it go somewhere lmao.

Season two 

Lilith and Nicole two beautiful women and they love each other, tell me I’m wrong, I liked the bob however I was not a big fan of the blue streaks, Lilith and Jacks moment before they went to the last fight against Rogwan, her sacrifice to save Jack, I love that girl so much. I’m upset that she was in barely any episodes this season I would have loved to see more of her relationship dynamic with Nicole.

What I would like to see for her in season three;

To see flashbacks of her in the demon realm and her badasserly survival, to see her slowly making her return back into the human realm. And for her to also find someone who truly cares for her, 100% would prefer a female.

Vera 

Season One 

I liked Vera from when she decided that Jack was coming to belgrave, I love her character because she reminds me of Fallon and her makeup is always on point. 

Season two

Her fight for her position to be grand magnus, she was always one of the most calculated characters because everyone was constantly trying to tear her down and take way her title especially that bitch Kepler. Her and Hamish are hot AF power couple for the win

What I would like to see for her in season three;

GIVE HER HER MAGIC BACK!

Gabrielle 

Season One 

Shes good at what she does to bad she always was working against my faves.

Season Two

It was harder to hate her this season I loved the Karaoke scene, she wasn’t perfect but she tried [still couldn't like her but that’s due to my own personal hang ups 

What I would like to see for her in season three;

A redemption arc and not one that has her redemption based around Randall and for him, I really hope they give her a good one. I beg

Alyssa

Season One

She started off so well on the first episode, what happened, she has an unhealthy loyalty and what seams like some sly daddy issues her and Jack were cute though 

Season Two 

What. The. Fuck. First I’ll be nice that bitch can sing. Alyssa is a stupid irrational character, she leaves Jack to fight on his own, and doesn't help just stands there, tries to cut of her bond with him after she has sex with him for the first time. She was a very self centred character this season, some how everything was Jacks fault, but she was still adamant she had feelings for him? She was willing to kill her mentor and someone shes known for years for some random girl shes met, she believed everything that was said and didn't even have the audacity to let Vera explain and then took away her magic, who gave her the right, I know she was upset over her own magic but Vera would have helped her fix her powers another way. Again she was very self centred and I wish that she actually tried to understand and work with everyone and she wouldn’t have died, but oh well. 

What I would like to see for her in season three;

Either shes a completely new person when she gets revived for she can stay dead I ain’t got time for her foolishness anymore, some people have real issues not her made up problems.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk

[returnedmemories]

Somehow this post turned into my life story

This past month I've been able to call my kids every Sunday night. Im thrilled. The new medication I've been on has abled me to to feel things and be less depressed . I cant believe Im finally doing well enough and that I have earned enough trust with their guardians. I feel less disconnected from my kids. The calls dont usually last long, but I now get to hear about what they have done during the week, and whats happening in their lives.

Before I saw them only a few hours once every 3 months. Inbetween visits, I worried about them every day. Were they happy? Are they doing ok? Are they getting enough love? How are they handling all of the trauma they have been through? Did they miss me? Did they cry alone, struggling with their emotions? Or were they so shut down that they were barley living?

They have both come so far. I know my oldest is most likely going to struggle most of her life. Its hard to over come trauma. I know. Its a daily struggle not to relive the past over and over again. And living with depression can literally suck the life out of you. I hope she can heal. I hope she doesnt make the mistakes i made.

Being abused and rejected by my dad, and knowing my mom couldnt or wouldnt protect me left me feeling worthless. I was alone with a monster and I couldnt protect myself. Being told over and over again that I was stupid, fat, lazy, and worthless. Having my dad raging and yelling, being told that he HATED me.

I became a shell of a person. I was empty. I hated myself so much. I was eventually sucked down a dark hole of depression that I couldnt escape. I became suicidal by the time I was 11. All I wanted to do was cut open my skin and climb out of my own body. I wanted the pain to stop. But it didnt. It got worse. I was afraid to go home after school. Home wasnt a safe place. Not when HE was there. At home we walked around on egg shells hoping he would leave us alone. But there was always something. Always. I cant tell you how many times he kicked me out of the house. And when that happened my mom wouldnt know what to do or where to take me. It hurt me so much, my mom didnt stand up to him. She always said she just wanted everything to be okay, but really by doing nothing she was choosing him over me.

By the time I was 13 I discovered a way to distract myself from the pain that consumed me. Cutting. When I cut myself on the outside I could focus on that pain, and it momentarily relieved me of all the hurt inside. I tried to hide it at first. Then I stopped caring. My mom found out, she was understanding. But when my dad found out, I was assaulted with his rage and hate. I already hurt so much that most days I thought about ending my life. And what does my dad say to me? "Your not my fucking kid. Why dont you just go shoot yourself in the head witn a gun". I'll never forget that moment. I'll never forget those words. They destroyed me. Im grateful now that my mom made my dad get rid of the gun he had brought into the house. I wouldnt be here now if she hadnt. I would have done it. My entire life had become nothing but fear, depression, and self hatred. Life wasnt worth living.

I was 14 by the time I had become full blown anorexic. It was the one thing I could control. I also began going for long walks. I was 100% convinced that I was fat. Maybe I would have had this problem anyway, but I believe having my dad tell me I was fat and lazy my entire life had something to do with it.

I just stopped eating. And On top of not eating, I would take laxatives, and I would take epicac AND I would intentionally give myself food poisoning. All so my body would eject anything that might still be in my body. Im lucky I didnt end up in the hospital. I felt weak, and dizzy. There were times I fainted, or suddenly felt like the room was spinning. But I was in control. And it became normal. Not eating. Whenever someone offered me food, my immediate instinct was that I was being threatened and it was time to flee.

But of course, (even though I was never fat), no matter how thin I got, I still thought I was fat. I thought I was disgusting, and Unworthy. No one loved me. And I had no one to protect me. I wanted out! I began thinking if only I didnt have to live with my dad, that I could be safe and happy. I couldnt wait to turn 18. I couldnt wait to be out of his grip. I would turn 18 and he wouldnt own me anymore. I was so stupid.

Life became even harder when I began having PTSD episodes. Even when I was away from my dad, at school, I couldnt escape him. I began re- living times he hurt me. And his voice became my inner voice. All day I could hear him whispering, "your stupid, fat, lazy, worthless, I hate you, why dont you just go shoot yourself in the head with a gun?" Always in the same order, on a loop, repeating over and over again. I was in my own personal hell. Trapped. Miserable. Suicidal. Why couldnt I be like all of the other kids? I didnt understand why this was happening to me.

I was in highschool now. All of my middle school friends were seperated from me, and I began struggling in school. Highschool was much bigger, with alot of students that I didnt know. I began having severe anxiety and panic attacks. I spent alot of time in the schools councelors office either bawling, hyperventilating, or so shut down and disociated that I couldnt speak. I was trapped in my head, reliving trauma, and hearing my new inner voice(thanks dad): "your stupid, fat, lazy, worthless, I hate you, why dont you just go shoot yourself in the head with a gun?"

Most school days I left early. I couldnt handle being around so many people. Inside my world was falling apart. I felt so alone, so empty. I couldnt cope.

I was 15 when I began trying to get help. I packed a bag after one of my dads abusive raging throughout the house. He kept instilling fear into me, and kicking me out of the house (for no reason. It was a way for him to control me) He expected me to go somewhere and wait several hours until his anger had settled, then come back. If I didnt come back right when he decided he wanted me back he would threaten to call the police and report me as a runaway. AFTER HE KICKED ME OUT!!! So this time I fought back. I went to two different shelters. One was called Simonka Place. It was a shelter for women and children. I was there for a while, but I was still in the middle of a mental health crisis. I had a panic attack/ptsd episode/dissociative state and was sent to the hospital because staff was worried I may have overdosed on something. I tried to tell the doctors I had not taken anything, but I was a kid, and they didnt believe me. My hands and feet were in restraints and they forced a tube down my throat and into my stomache where they pumped me full of charcoal. They said if I took anything I would throw it up.

I didnt throw up. I didnt take anything!

When I got back to Simonka house they said I couldnt stay, because they werent equipt to handle my problems. I was upset and angry at the time, but looking back, they were right. I was a very messed up child who needed more help then they could provide.

The next day I went to the host program. It was a shelter for teenagers that provided family counseling.

I left the very next day. They said I had to eat breakfast, it was part of the program. That wasnt going to happen. Food was the one thing I had control of. So my fight or flight instincts kicked in and I ran. (In hindsight, looking back I can see where I was prob having manic episodes. I didnt find out until I was 21, but I have bipolar disorder, along with depression, anxiety, ptsd, and dissociation disorder)

I dont know how this post became my life story, but whoo! It feels good to get this shit out! Im going to end this now, but I definitely want to continue this.

[zookeep15]

So most people know I am leaving the zoo field.

I know.

It’s crazy.

And right now my life is a whirl of sad thoughts, what ifs, and an overall sense of “why am I doing this?” since my last day is Tuesday. It’s oh so easy to forget the dumpster fire that has led me here when I’ve had a good couple of weeks due to lack of fucks to give anymore.

Well sit tight kids as I drop a truth bomb on the nature of the zoological industry.

First. Let me say that up until about two years ago I LOVED my job. Like head over heels in love with the position. Had very few bad days, grew quickly as a trainer and keeper, and found myself surrounded by people who seemed to share the same enthusiasm I had.

Everything was great. I was living in my “dream job”. That’s right. My DREAM. JOB. The ultimate career. The top of the top. Starting at age 22.

(Hashtag blessed am I right?) *IM NOT RIGHT*

But I started to notice a trend. Over the last few years, I’ve watched person, after person, after person who I have loved and respected pick up their things, close the door and say goodbye (okay some were pushed out the door and some needed a swift kick in the ass out the door but I digress.)

I didn’t get it. How could someone leave this job? It’s a dream right? I was told I was LUCKY to have this job. So lucky that in fact there were twenty more people just like me that could replace me in the blink of an eye. I should be grateful for whatever they give me because I am LUCKY to have this job. There might not be some great things but if I work REALLY hard they’re bound to notice and make those problems and not great things go away right?

*pause for laughter at that naive notion*

I mean sure... the pay is literally the worst considering I’m required to have a four year science degree and two years paid experience to get a part time job at the zoo, and my work environment is a literal and figurative mine field that is exhausting to navigate daily, and my boss is a manipulative micro manager that refuses to listen to any of the staff members, and I spend my entire day manually laboring for 13$ an hour and come home emotionally and physically exhausted so much so that every relationship that I’ve been in has crumbled because I have nothing left to give, and I spend my weekends in a state of depression because I have to catch up on sleep but sleeping too long is bad but I’m so tired and I just cant catch up, and I can’t save money because I’m already living paycheck to paycheck with my parents helping me every month, and I work over a thousand programs a year and no one seems to want to reward that even when you go in and ask for a raise because ten cents IS NOT A FUCKING RAISE and you ask and get told “that’s not in the budget” but hiring two new worthless VPs (to bring that grand total up to 17) whose starting salary is 100 grand is, and you can never actually grow here because even if your supervisor left you’d only make two dollars more an hour and be expected to work ten times harder with more responsibility and have everything get blamed on you, and no one can help you with continuing education or professional development because “it’s not in the budget” but ordering 65$ worth of ceramic “stations” was because they felt like it, and sometimes questionable decisions get made regarding welfare and you can’t say anything at all because youre boss has no interest at all in your opinion if it doesn’t agree with theirs and if you voice that opinion they go talk about you behind your back to other coworkers, and you’re expected to do more, and more, and more, and more and....

Wait a second.

Why does all of that not align with what I want in life? Why is my dream suddenly not what I thought it’d be? Why did everyone tell me “do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life?” which is absolute bull shit because ITS STILL WORK AND WORK SUCKS SOMETIMES.

What do I love about zoo keeping you might ask? The animals. They’re incredible. Those training breakthroughs? I’d rank it somewhere between eating the best coconut cream pie you’ve had and a decent orgasm. And those programs I get to do? Occasionally there’s one that just reminds me how important it is for kids to see these kinds of things. And I will immediately be the most interesting person in almost any bar I walk into because I am a zookeeper.

But at the end of the day, I’m a 26 year old woman. Who is not making enough money to support herself. Who doesn’t have the time to do the things she loves outside of zookeeping. Who had an identity crisis when she finally decided this is not the dream she dreamed.

So Tuesday. My last day. I’m sad. Of course I’m sad those animals have a piece of my soul forever.

But man am I ready to be able to see my family. To have weekends. To have time off. To make a livable wage. To have a life outside of my job.

I won’t recommend zookeeping to the average person. Because the lifestyle that comes with it is borderline unhealthy if you don’t navigate it perfectly. And I know that might come as a surprise to some people but the zoo field has a serious problem that is not looking to be fixed anytime soon. And so I won’t tell other people to make that their life.

For those that follow me and are zookeepers I have nothing but the utmost respect for you. I would never want you to think that I am shitting all over your job that you continue to love and do. You’re circumstances are hopefully vastly different than mine! I hope your boss is wonderful and treats you with the respect you deserve. I hope your zoo offers livable wages and good cost of living raises. I hope your voice is heard and listened too. And I hope you’re dream stays true to what you thought it’d be! But just know that if the day comes that you find this post to be describing your situation? Don’t panic. You will be alright.

All those thoughts of “you quitter. You failure. You giver-upper of dreams and letdown to all those who say “you have the coolest job ever!”” ARE WRONG.

I’m going to say that again.

THOSE THOUGHTS. ARE. WRONG.

You magnificent human being who chased down their dream of a zookeeper. Who achieved the goal they set out on and grew and learned and prospered. You son of a bitch you did it.

You lived your dream. And hopefully it was a good dream for as long as it could be. And then. Once you achieved your goals. You found another dream. A new horizon. A bigger adventure. You successful, wonderful human being. Life is too short to stand still, afraid to run headfirst down a new path that could end in a cliff, and stay rooted knowing that if you stand still you can’t fall.

Because if you do that, you will never. EVER. fly.

Go fly my friends. Take flight and believe that your life is a wonderful adventure only defined by the limits you put there yourself. Take the leap of faith into the great unknown for what lies on the other side might define your life.

So. Tuesday. May 15th. I’ll see you in the skies.

Thanks for listening tumblr friends (if any of you ACTUALLY made it this far down kudos 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼)

*end emotional zoo rant that ended in philosophical motivational speaking*

[imtryingreallyhardsohavepitty]

ARIANA GRANDE HAS NO WACK SONGS

It's two o'clock in the morning and I'm feeling some type away so why the fuck not make a post about THE ITALIAN MAFIA PRINCESS HERSELF. (LONG ASF)

I'll make my statement first.

MS. Grande does not have 1 song that I (personally) even thought of it other than a bop. There's very few people to do that for me and I just wanna share my love for my queen real quick.

1. Yours Truly (A GREAAAT DEBUT ALBUM) (GREAT ALBUM IN GENERAL)

1. Honeymoon Avenue: it's been about 5 years and if she released this tomorrow as a single I would 1000% be here for it. Shit slaps. And she was talking that shit

2. Baby I: Very UNDERATED. A BOP (I'll say that a lot). Reminds me of the summer of 2013. Which a lot of good music was released.

3. Right here: THIS ALBUM REALLY HAD BANGERS SKSJSK. A greeeeaaatt song and Big Sean did cute but it was mostly about Ms. Grande and the video was cute as hell. Another forgot about bop

4. Tattooed heart: *sighs* AN EMOTIONAL BOP. I felt like some biker got my name tattooed on his chest. Amazing amazing amazing.

5. Loving it: TOP 5 MOST UNDERATED ANIMES OF ALL TIME. This was and is STIILL my shit. A BOP I CANT EXPLAIN IT ANYMORE GO FUCKING LISTEN.

6. Piano: one of the weaker songs on the album but when this album came out it was favorite ( and that proves my point) It really is a great song but just because of all the other songs and albums she's released, the song doesn't stand with the other bops. She slaps in Claires tho

7. Daydreamin: Vocals were so soft in this and its great. It's makes me feel like the finest man alive ( Michael B Jordan) is walking in front of me in slow motion.

8. The Way: WHAT STARTED THIS SHIT. the way isn't the first time I've heard her or anything. I just didn't know sis was out here making grown woman bops while still serving the kids on Nickelodeon. ICONIC

9. You'll never know: a hood bop honestly. She was talking THAT shit. A nice little dougie is efficient for this song.

10. Almost is never enough: VOCALLSSS. Sis was going off. I just realized sis had not 1 but 3 of her niggas on her DEBUT ALBUM.

I. C. O. N. I. C.

11. Popular Song: this shows how she can make Some r&b BANGERS for the hood. And then make some bops for the kiddies. CAN UR FAVE BE PLAYED AT CLAIRES, HOTTOPIC, AND H&M (at the same time) I THINK THE FUCK NOT

12. Better left unsaid: very CUTE BOP. SHIT SLAPS. She's giving y'all a fist pump bop. While I serve my tens. DIVERSE QUEEN.

In closing: Yours truly: Her second best album. 9/10 100% recommend of you haven't already listened. You could really listen to the full without skipping a song. And that's VERY RARE. ON HER DEBUT. And this was a cute era. Now that that's it's time.....

2. My Everything: H E R B E S T A L B U M. EVERY SONG FUCKING SLAPS PLEASE BELIEVE ME I CANT STRESS TO YOU HAVE GOOD THIS ALBUM IS. IM TYPING THIS SWEATING WHILE IM LISTENING TO IT. ITS SO GOOD

1. Intro: OH MAH GOD. Emotional anthem. JUST HER SINGING YOU TO SLEEP FOR A MINUTE. ITS AMAZIG

2. Problem: A. B O P. EVEN IGGY COULDN'T RUIN IT. And that's the that on that.

3. ONE LAST TIME: YALL ARE GONNA KILL ME BUT... A BOPPPP THIS IS ONE OF HER BEST SONGS I RUN THIS BACK AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK.

4. Why try: LITERALLY LOVE AND WAR BY TAMAR BRAXTON BUT FOR 13 year old white girls. AND IT SLAPS.

5. Break Free: A VOGUE BOP. I REALLY BE SERVING MY TENS. Before Into you, Break free had me giving hands.

6. Best mistake: Ms. Grande has this power to make any person she's with look like they're meant to be and that's amazing. Anyways a hood bop. I used to think Big Sean should've had a shorter verse but now that I've heard it more the pledge of allegiance, I realized it was perfect. Them performing it live is a viiibbee.

7. Be my Baby: Y'all I've talked in caps for almost 70% of this post and said BOP 90%. BUT THIS SONG RIGHT HERE IS HER TOP 5 BEST AND MOST UNDERATED FUCKING BOPS WOW. THIS IS MYYU SHIT. IM DEADASS SERIOUS WHEN I SAY THAT THERE'S NOT A DAY THAT GOES BY THAT I DONT LISTEN TO THIS SONG. ONE OF MY BIGGEST REGRETS IN LIFE IS NOT GOING TO THE HONEYMOON TOUR AND HEARING THIS LIVE.

8. Break your heart right back: IM CRYING TYPING THIS. THE REST OF THE ALBUL IM GONNA BE IN CAPS BECAUSE THE REST OF THE ALBUM FUUCKKINGBOPS. THIS SONG IS CRUNK ASF AND REALLY GETS ME TO THROW IT ALLL THE WAY BACK. AND DONALD'S VERSE WAS GREAT BUT THIS SONG SLAPS IN THE CAR ONYOUR WAY TO CLAIRES AKSBSKAHSHSB

9. Love me harder: A COLLAB I WAS WAITING FOR AND IT WAS EXECUTED PERFECTLY. I KNOW YOUVE HEARD IT

10. Just a little bit of your heart: AN EMOTIONAL SONG WRITTEN BY THE ONLY WHITE MAN WHO CAN NUT IN ME (HARRY STYLES.). AND IT REALLY GET YOU IN YOUR BAG AND THATS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW.

11. Hands on me: HER MOST UNDERATED BOP. I CANT EVEN SPEAK ON THIS WITHOUT SWEATING. SHIT SLAPPP ON ANY HOLY DAY A FUCKING HOOD ANTHEM HOLY SHIT

SHE WAS TALKING THAT SHIT

12. My Everything: HE WAS MY EEEEVVVVEERRRYYTGHHING TIL HE WAS NOTHING BITCH. TITLE TRACK AND SHIT IS EMOTIONAL. IM IN MY BAG.

13. Bang Bang: A COLLAB IVE WANTED SINCE MIDDLE SCHOOL AND I GOT IT. SO IM GEEKED AND SHE STILL BOPS

14. Only 1: VOCALLLLLLSS SIS. MY HOOD SHIT, ALSO. WHY DOES SHE DO THIS? ALL DELUXE SONGS BOP

15. You don't know me: SHE WAS RAPPING IDK. SHE WAS TELLING YALL TO GET OFF HER ASS. WHAT SHE DOES NOT CONCERN YOU POOR CHILDREN. SAID ALL THAT WHILE STAYING ON BEAT BYEE

In closing: H. E. R. BEST. There's NOT ONE SAY THAT GOES BY THAT I DONT LISTEN TO AT LEAST 1 SONG OFF THIS ALBUM. ONE OF THE BEST ALBUMS OF THE YEAR ( I'm pretty sure Beyoncé dropped something that year so I can't say the best lol)

If y'all want me to do DW and her BOOPPS OF CHRISTMAS EPS, LMK but it's 3:30 am and I'm on my phone typing this so I'm gone.

[cwombw]

isn’t life great?

below cut.

void-Yesterday at 11:25 PM

wtf do you even have to say to me

ArchaicArcade-Yesterday at 11:26 PM

I just, if youre this upset with riley for doing then we need to talk about this so you understand

void-Yesterday at 11:27 PM

im ALLOWED to be hurt that he thinks i can NEVER be trusted AGAIN for no apparent reasonif you cant recognize that then WOW

ArchaicArcade-Yesterday at 11:27 PM

He doesn't think thatHe blocked people he's know for years

void-Yesterday at 11:27 PM

then WHY the MCFUCK did he block me and why are you saying i should just shut up about it and get over iti cared about him damnit i say him as my own fucking childyoure not who i thought you were lmfao

ArchaicArcade-Yesterday at 11:28 PM

He's just really scared right now, youre allowed to be upset but try to underastand

void-Yesterday at 11:28 PM

im done tbh?i blocked him back.its what he wants anyway

ArchaicArcade-Yesterday at 11:29 PM

if you feel that's what you want. he's just scared and hiding from everything

void-Yesterday at 11:29 PM

and yet hes still in dandys friendchat.

ArchaicArcade-Yesterday at 11:30 PM

He left active chats right off the bat and then got scred people would hate him and stoped

void-Yesterday at 11:30 PM

whatever then.too bad star came home im this close to self harmingim  going to talk to her and hope shecan calm me down from a meltdown

ArchaicArcade-Yesterday at 11:31 PM

I just, he's literally dying rn, please try to understandAnd please stay safe

void-Yesterday at 11:31 PM

you also need to understand that others are having similar reactions due to his actions just now

ArchaicArcade-Yesterday at 11:33 PM

youre having a heart problem? you were so upset you had a heart attack last night? I'm sorry but I dont think this is comperable

void-Yesterday at 11:33 PM

i meant the goddamn breakdown thing

ArchaicArcade-Yesterday at 11:34 PM

I'm sorry i misunderstoodHe jsut doesnt want anyone to see him die

void-Yesterday at 11:39 PM

i f he wants to push everybody away and ruin every good friendship he had and also ruin the dnd kin thing, fine. im not going to open my arms to him anymore.i dont hate him.but the wanting nothing to do eith each other thing is mutual now.

ArchaicArcade-Yesterday at 11:40 PM

i hope you understand that i stand with him on this. he just doesnt want to hurt people if he actually dies

void-Yesterday at 11:41 PM

if he actually diesso if he doesnt, what. hes gonna be like "heyyy.. fingerguns sorry that i ruined all my friendships, amde people hate me, and made people panic" i dont play ehadgames like that and i refuse to do that with him.plus, idk. iunno. maybe it should be our choice if we want to stick with him even if hes on his death bed?by doing this its hurting more than watching hiom die

ArchaicArcade-Yesterday at 11:43 PM

He's in the hospital and they said things arent looking good. he's terrifiyed and I think you should remember hes only 16. he's just scared as any dying kid would be

void-Yesterday at 11:44 PM

.. so wait. let me get this straight . he decided to. block. every single one of his online friends, out of fear of hurting them. but he didnt try to distance himself from his irl ones, even though it should be thje same fear that drove him to block everybody online in the first place.iwhatnothis boils down to paranoia and distrustwhy exactly, does he  let his irl friends care for him but wont let his online ones do the same

ArchaicArcade-Yesterday at 11:45 PM

It;s easier to block people you don't know in personI just, I cant do this. hes a scared kin and that's all there is to it

void-Yesterday at 11:46 PM

okim dropping itfeel free to block mefigure you want nothing to do with me anymore eitherJune 8, 2018

ArchaicArcade-Today at 12:01 AM

no it's just I need a bit

ArchaicArcade-Today at 8:34 AM

I'm sorry to say this but I've know Riley way longer and well, I choose him over you. I feel terrible but I need to side with my best friend here

void-Today at 11:56 AM

there shouldnt even be a side but okay. i had a feeling y'all weren't telling the truth. because i forgot last night but now i remember that he certainly did not block everybody he was friends with online and the chat in gov kin is evident as such, since people there could still message him.

you all have fun lying now. but i want you both to remember that i would have gone above and beyond for the both of you because i trusted you, cared about you, and loved you.thanks for ripping away a part of my life.

--

s/o-Today at 7:48 AM

Fuck meRiley is the rat talking to lou

s/o-Today at 11:01 AM

Let me know if you are okay.

void-Today at 11:59 AM

.....wow.

s/o-Today at 11:59 AM

He shared our entire dm

s/o-Today at 12:00 PM

God me too

void-Today at 12:01 PM

you know i have a feeling all their friends were in on it and he didnt even have a heart attack last night

--

s/o- you know I never had a grudge against you, and I wasn't in a good place either when you were in my life. please leave me out of your mouth and i'll continue leaving you out of mine. Don't dis GAK either, it's a quiet kin family. -Lex's "live in" partner.

s/o- also I'm carful about the ages of the people I talk too, and that "flirting with a minor thing" not sure who that was at all? I'm sure it had something to do with the nonsense in KK. Anyway last message I will send unless you choose to respond. Yesterday at 4:53 AM

agenderdad420/mysterypeaches the minor was jeremie diioscuri and the offending behavior was via discord in a mutuals server that he had created Yesterday at 2:26 PM s/o- Now i know what you are talking about. I was mislead about his age. But I also never flirted with him. I sent him an NSFW meme once and his little friends started making wild accusations of me. And I do feel bad for offending him, but I didn't know he was a minor.

s/o- That is also how I personally got kicked from KK. I kicked Alex from KK the previous night because it was behaving destructively Today at 7:44 AM

agenderdad420/mysterypeaches thats not an accusation thats straight up telling the truth

s/o- Talking about trans stuff? I was literally complaing about tucking. I also really feel stabbed in the back right now. You think you know someone

agenderdad420/mysterypeaches you... knew who? look idk what you deem appropriate to talk to minors about but maybe it differs for us

s/o- i don't think a trans vent between two trans people is inappropriate if he was squicked by that he could've told me lol. not go sharing a private convo with you. (and i'm not blaming you for that)

agenderdad420/mystery peaches i will say that there is often an inherent power dynamic between older and younger members that maybe made him more uncomfortable

s/o- you know i can take the blame if I fucked up. I hope you know that I've changed a ton since KK. and since I your drama with Lex started. All I want is to be a good person and contribute something to my fellow kinnies.\

agenderdad420/mysterypeaches honestly i havent really kept up w either you or alex since that point, but i dont doubt you can take accountability for your actions.

agenderdad420/mysterypeaches i just hope that there is change that goes along w acknowledgement and perhaps there has been

s/o- I don't speak for lex. But i just want peace Today at 9:21 AM

agenderdad420 fair

--

s/o - Today at 7:49 AM Apparently riley is the one talking to the person who made my callout Do you have a problem with me arcade? 

ArchaicArcade - Today at 8:07 AM no 

s/o - Today at 8:16 AM I guess i squicked him with something i said 

ArchaicArcade - Today at 8:17 AM i guess 

s/o - Today at 8:19 AM My brain: hes sick because of you 

s/o - Today at 12:02 PM I know you have your reasons  for what you guys are doing. But I hope Riley knows how deep he cut me. I would've given you both the moon.

--

not only have these people caused me to have a severe anxiety attack, they caused my partner the same, as well as many others who weren’t even a part of this.

they have caused me to feel suicidal and paranoid, to want to self harm

as for agenderdad420/mysterypeaches, they have sent me anon hate before, accused me of being racist for my neopronouns (all while saying they’re not against neopronouns, lol), and blew up at me for dropping them after they told me they didn’t like that i was trying to set boundaries for my borderline behaviors with them, and that i was confiding in them everything that was going on with me at the time (which was heavily toxic and depressing towards me) they have used language against me that is ableist and abuse apologetic in nature and their claims otherwise are blatant lies.

i had previously published the majority of the anon hate before deleting it from my blog after a while due to discomfort of having drama on my blog.

they have taken to stalking me to find out more past drama about me, as well as taking false anecdotes from others who claim my s/o has been inappropriate with minors to the point of grooming them, which is 1000000000000000% untrue and taken greatly out of context and skewed into something that never happened.

talking about trans issues isn’t grooming, sending a nsfw meme to a person who my s/o believed to be an adult isn’t grooming.

these people are pure evil and have been planning this for a long time from what i’ve gathered.

they are dangerous and unpleasant and will apparently stop at nothing to obtain their goal, whatever it actually is. as evident as one of them faked a heart attack and may have faked an entire condition.

update 7/17/2018

after speaking to rileys sister who he abused for a good part of their life, as well as ruined it and made their mom send them to live with their aunt, i’ve since learned that this is serial abusive behavior and he has also physically beat his younger siblings, is a pathological liar, and everything i’ve thus learned about him 100% fits his m/o.

he can try all he wants to pretend that he got better and has improved but all i see if that he got better methods.

faking a heart attack in order to call my gf a pedophile for talking about trans issues is fucking despicable.

another thing i’ve discovered is that he did in fact assault the person who he says assaulted him 

and the fact he freaked out over a poorly written callout like that, no offense to the victim is kinda funny and really telling. if he was innocent then why bother mentioning anything? i dont think that many people saw it.

i’ve also learned that archaicarcade, aka julien/julian (and plenty of other past names) also has a past of fucking people over very quickly into friendships and relationships and changing their name and other information in order to hide their past.

in fact.. riley hangs out with a lot of weird people, including somebody who was brainwashed by their older brother to be transphobic, and julien, whos relationship with the minors he surrounds himself with is suspect at best.

he also keeps company with a jehovah’s witness, which i shouldn’t have to explain how problematic that is.

my current thoughts about this is that riley while not innocent at all may be being groomed by julien is who also grooming others with help from his other adult buddies they all hang with. i have no sympathy for riley though after what occurred, whatsoever.

just 10-20 minutes ago somebody on a sockpuppet from wilson, north carolina sent me hate after checking out this callout post for riley, this is the screenshot i took

i’ve since blocked and reported the sockpuppet, even if this doesnt belong to riley, its clearly from one of his brainwashed supporters. amazing that a month later they still want to start shit. but this? this is pathetic.

look riley and co. i, my gf, my bf, my other bf, and all my friends know the truth. you’re fucking liars and fakes and abusive and groom people. do the universe a favor and go to long term therapy or maybe just never go online ever again with any device, anytime, anywhere, ever. and in fact hole yoruself up in your homes and never speak to anybody ever again because you clearly can’t help yourselves from finding new targets to fuck with.

emotional terrorism at its finest.

[lokbobpop]

Exercise

exercise, execution of power; physical or spiritual exercise," from Latin exercitium "training, physical exercise" (of soldiers, horsemen, etc.); "play;" in Medieval Latin also of arts, from exercitare, frequentative of exercere "keep busy, keep at work, oversee, engage busily; train, exercise; practice, follow; carry

regular or repeated use of a faculty or bodily organ. b : bodily exertion for the sake of developing and maintaining physical fitness trying to get more exercise. 3 : something performed or practiced in order to develop, improve, or display a specific capability or skill arithmetic exercises vocal exercises

Exercise exer cise e xer size exe r size

Writing exercise

Im am at the moment at my most worst in my hole life i barely do anything walking 5 mins down the rd makes me feel exhausted it really does with my thyroid playing such a big roll in me feeling exhausted all the time ive just say about and done nothing and within thsi things have got so much worse i now dont want to move anywhere do anything im happy to just sit around and work on myself but im the fastest ive every been I believe im not sure as I haven’t had scales for year but im big real big and it needs ot come off but i feel im in a catch 22 with having no energy.

Reading exercise

In my life what have i done when in my 20s and got fat i lost weight by swimming every day and eating a small meal and i looked good it felt good but i soon put all the weight got fat again and have spent most of my living life over weight which makes me feel pretty sad about myself how did i let this happen i dont know fear i suppose always have been fearful and havent bothered to sort it out.

When i was in my 40s i decided I needed to lose weight and i started at the gym for the first time it was hard work but i went everyday to loss the weight it came off very slowly and not all of it i could only get to a certain level and its stops like no more but at this stage i already believe i was having thyroid problems so thsi might of been the problem then as i would sometimes stay at home and just sleep all day and do nothing i was exhausted all the time and couldn’t work out why but everyday i would sleep in the day i felt awful and i still have this thing going on with in fear of a disaster and not being loved has made my thyroid fucked up.

When i see other people exercise and look so fit i feel jealous of them and if my friends look thin and have lost weight i feel bad about myself for not doing enough myself to lose weight but dotn make any effort to do so as i see i feel im behind like i was at school and i go into the point giving up its not worth trying im so behind now i cant do it and just do nothing to support myself its a personality i need to get over as anytime is a good its never to late.

I think of these people that go out running like an old school friend on facebook she runs most days and i think how does she do it ive only ever run 100 yards and i feel knackered its definitely not the exercise of choice for me.

Lately chris and i started swimming and after only a few weeks I couldn’t do it anymore because I found it so boring up and down and said i cant do anymore i just dont like it so i stoped i want to start walking again as we did before the swimming on the beach but i just cant push myself out to do it.

Feeling deflated about myself right now on feeling tired and not wanting to or don’t have the energy to do anything im why me why has this happen but i know why my body couldn’t stand all the thoughts and it has pilled up over 10s of years and cause so much within my body i now have to heal within me and this is me now taking responsibility for what i have aloud within myself.

Saying exercise

Oh do I have to comes up as i dont want to i cant be bother oh yes you can do it lol

I wish exercise was easy maybe i should just walk on flat ground i recking this would be best for me to start with and move pin later hey

You have to commit and stick with something that you can do every day and always i reckon

Sf

Does this definition support me no i dotn want to do it comes up and jealous of those who have a good routine of looking after there bodies 20 minds a day is all it would take and I should do it for sure.

Exercise ex her size

Exercise

To be of life to be of good health to be able and willing to move through the mind that says no

I will use this word to support me within doing a little everyday and working up to a point of losing weight and on days its hard to just rest but not to let the mind say no exercise only the body.

[xhappylovesickx]

Chapter 3.) Same Mistake Twice

In 2019 alone I made $300,000. In 2021 my former flame from Texas told me that in her opinion she didn't think I was "financially stable" enough 2 date her. I am so grateful 2 God 4 showing me how jumped up her own ass that girl's head was. Before I traded my California Dreamin' shoes in for a game of Texas Hold Em'. With my heart & my livelihood being played with instead of the actual cards. I have a problem with letting people who don't respect me & got me fucked up into my life. My sister Annie & my Mother Betty have shit on me and abused me so much in my life that I couldn't tell the difference. Until recently. I 86'd my Sister, Greg my longest living best friend. Tatted on me even. Because people think because I love them they can shit on me & that I will always be around. And they are just simply incorrect. My love is unconditional yes & it doesn't cost a thing like that J Lo song said. But I have rules, boundaries & standards. Once you fuckin' cross that line with me you're dead 2 me. I will fucking shut that shit down faster than the health department shut down indoor dining during this God forsaken scamdemic. To think I almost moved 2 Texas & married that person. Had children with them. After how.many times that fuckin bitch ruined our relationship. We would have been married with kids by now if she would have just been loyal & loving and consistent. & just not been a fucking bitch. But she was & she ruined it. I am so blessed by God 2 not have moved 2 Texas 4 that. 2 not have kids with that. I wanna be with a kind and loving sweet girl that is compassionate & submissive. But aggressive & can take the lead from me passionately in the bedroom. I came close in my last relationship. But I got ultimatem'd 2 relocate & judging by the 30 texts in the last 2 days I think she regrets it. Once you fuck it up with me its gone now. Im 33. Im still young & fun but im wiser 2 the love game now & I refuse 2 get played by these women that have a lack of respect & love 4 me. Especially when I put so much in. I wish I had a girl in my life who was as good at loving me as I am @ loving her. I am a really good lover. 90% of my exes come back 2 me in some way or another. I actually cant stand that & wish they would just let go of me , but when you love some1 truly madly deeply like that & they fuck it off a lot of the times after the dating world which is chaotic & shallow eats them up & spits them back out. They remember you. & they miss that acceptance, that outgoing genuine passion you had 4 the way you loved them. That ship was sunk before it even set sail. They'll find every other shipwreck in the sea before they find our little love boat; capsized that crashed & burned like a meteor shower. I could have been that mistake. It's 1 thing 2 make the same mistake twice. It is another thing 2 make it all of your life. Luckily 4 me. Although im not married like I want 2 be. I am lucky that I am not married 2 one of my exes. Or the Father of their children. No Strings Attached is not just an N'SYNC record. I see my friends & fam engulfed by the wildfires of negativity & the toxic waste of a bond they try 2 sell on Social Media as a relationship like its a fucking used car lot. It's bullshit Its drama. Its painful 2 even bear witness 2. One of my worst nightmares. Being unfulfilled. I just am so grateful that I dont have 2 be a star in that movie. I dont have 2 allow any human being 2 fuck my world up. And I wont. And I dont. Which is empowering 2 me. I cut all my fuckin haters off. Some of them were fucking blood related 2 me. But now I look @ my reflection in the mirror every night 100% fulfilled in the presence of God. I don't wanna be with some demanding cunt who doesn't know how 2 love me right & is self centered. I wanna be with a kind, calm & loving person who is genuine & loyal. Some sweet lil Sumthin' that loves me 2 the moon & back without all the bullshit & with the clever chemistry. Although I may be Single. I am so grateful 2 God that I didn't get lost in the beautiful disasters that would have consumed me as a

person & destroyed me as a lover....

All of my exes, every single last 1 would have done this. I realize that it was my tolerant nature & my kind hearted lovingness that led me 2 let these women walk on me throughout various stages of my love life. These lil lessons i have learned are paramount & monumental 2 my maturity & capability as a lover. Im not the new kid on the block anymore I have been around the block now; Lord knows - how many times. I am finally ready 2 have a wife. I know what I want & don't want. Once we are done we are done. No more BS. It's 1 thing 2 make the same mistake twice, another thing 2 make that shit all of your life. I refuse 2 be in some turbulent, self serving, one sided ass excuse 4 a relationship. And that's one of the biggest reasons I've never been happily married or miserably divorced. No baby mama drama. No child support. I may not be with my match just yet but at least im not wasting my love & my life on someone who doesn't deserve 2 have a guy as loyal, loving & sweet as me. I am ble$$ed beyond belief 4 this. And I thank God 4 it everyday!

[littlebabycrybtch]

ok ik bitches are still going to complain but i gotta rant to keep my shit together;;; ngl after being stuck co-raising two babies now i really feel genuinely Disgusted by unnecessary parent critique. like it actually makes me feel so viscerally upset and depressed when i remember nobody gets this or cares to and probably just wants to call out what im doing wrong, instead of lend me a hand to do it better. man im not treading lightly here the ‘no excuses’ mentality is literally Inhumane to parents and dehumanizes them as these superhumans, they arent, they are people trying to take care of themselves Plus One. there Are ‘excuses’ for not being perfect. just bc every child deserves perfect doesnt mean it can be given and that fucking SUCKS but that is one of the only times im comfortable saying; ‘thats just life’. you cant magically make life better for kids the way you think, you’re not a protector, you’re their Rock to teach them How to DEAL with what life brings, that means you’re allowed to struggle with it too. childcare is like this cosmic design to work you physically and mentally to the brink, fucking forget the normalization of how many people you think you’ve seen raise kids and done fine, it is harder than you can even fathom. they probably did not do fine behind closed doors. the parents with the best behaved and most obedient kids probably did harmful things to make them that way that will eventually come back to them, the parents with the happiest most well adjusted kids probably had the money to provide the extra care for that. there are ‘excuses’. idc if it fucking annoys you or w/e, i dont like being the bitch that says stuff nobody wants to hear, but you truly deeply cannot 100% understand unless you are raising kids, i dont say that to hurt your feewings or exclude you, i used to think that way, i say it bc when you see me passed out on the couch while my nephew gets into something dangerous, its because i got one hour of sleep that night while he kicked me in our bed for 4 hours. he cant help not knowing how that affects both of us, but i cant help being affected by it just cuz im supposed to be ~the big strong adult~, bc i am not a fucking xman. i CANT pretend it all away. while im sitting there napping im also waiting for my mental health meds to start working. im also dizzy from not eating. it sucks that he gets into shit sometimes. hes still gonna get into shit sometimes, and i can do my best, but if i sit here worrying that karens are gonna get pissed abt that and work myself even harder im gonna straight up explode. who does that help. who does me falling apart help. come babysit my kid for free if you wanna help me bitch!

parents are doing twice the work of a normal person while also teaching one of these people theyre caring for, how to BE a person. i used to be SO pro judging parents and im literally nauseated by the judgments now. “i cant believe this parent looked away and their kid got hurt, i cant beleive they just leave them there with a tablet or a snack or a toy while they nap, i cant believe they let them do that, i cant believe--” btich you literally have no idea how lucky you are that they are not both already dead. you are so lucky tehy are both alive and the parent isnt hospitalized for mental health or even physical exhaustion, or addicted to a stimulant (which includes caffeine), or using smth to relax like weed or alcohol (hello wine mom culture), or the kid isnt traumatized from watching their parent have repeatd breakdowns. that is literally better than most situations already. no matter how impossibly perfect the family could be in your mind, kids fuckin get hurt and they make mistakes and the PARENTS make mistakes bc theyre PEOPLE and yall this blows my mind that ppl dont realize this but,,,,, Little kids??? THEY DO NOT LISTEN TO THEIR PARENTS bc they essentially CANT..... for like YEARS there is a period they WILL NOT LISTEN TO YOU at ALL while they have the full autonomy and smarts and strength to cause horrible consequential problems, they are capable of learning how to circumnavigate your ‘babyproofing’ in new ways every single day, but they have ZEROOOOO MORALS OR CAUSE AND EFFECT SKILLS to understand RIGHT FROM WRONG, NO MATTER HOW OFTEN YOU TELL THEM!!!!! IT WONT CHANGE, ITS LITERALLY A PHYSICAL BRAIN THING THAT THEY CANT LEARN WHAT ‘NO’ MEANS FOR A WHILE YET!!! THIS CAN LAST FROM AGE 1 TO 4, SOMETIMES LONGER! THATS GENUINELY INSANITY INDUCING FOR THE ADULT WHOS KEEPING THEM IN LINE HUNDREDS OF TIMES A DAY, KNOWING ITS AMOUNTING TO ALMOST NOTHING UNTIL YEARS LATER!!!! IT DOESNT HELP WHEN PPL JUDGE YOU AND DONT BELEIVE YOU AND THINK YOU JUST ARENT ~TRYING HARD ENOUGH~! holy FUCK dude, idc if you wanna judge, im losing it bc i am being forced to keep my cool while a child whos pinching me and genuinely HURTING and BRUISING me laughs in my face bc he truly DOES NOT KNOW this, and there is NO WAY for me to convey it to make him stop at the moment!!!! thats maddening!!!

listen to me, neither of you dying or experiencing lasting damage is literally the goal every day, not just ‘raising them’, but that you both survive to the end of it. im appalled by how different the lifestyle is and the way ppl just... dont know that/REJECT that information so they get to judge. ofc tiny vulnerable innocent kids deserve the best, parents cannot always provide that if they want to Survive, bc they also deserve , basic understanding and humanity. you call out abuse all you want, theres a difference between the 'lesser of two evils’ choices, or even the genuinely Bad choices you can Accidentally make when at your wits end (which you should immediately correct anyways), and ever causing intentional physical or mental harm to the child, but the secodn yall start nitpicking or blatantly being ignorant to a struggle just so you get your blame validation in i literally cannot AFFORD to give you the time of day, im busy running on minutes of sleep, so if you think i have enough free time to entertain ur whining that my kids got a messy face and has been on his tablet in a highchair for an hour or w/e, idc, im using that time to shower for the first time in 2 weeks bc nobody else is gonna be there for me to let me do that shit :) so frankly put your money where your mouth is and help struggling parents whenever you can. i cant make shit better out of thin air.

“oh, but i dont have the money to help you.” YOU THINK IM AFFORDING CHILDCARE?? YOU CAN COME OVER AND HELP DIRECTLY WHILE I DO CHORES. “oh, but i dont wanna babysit for my friends, i dont like kids.” OH REALLY?????? OH YOU DONT LIKE KIDS??? BC THEYRE DIFFICULT MAYBE ??? SO MAYBE YOU SHOULDNT JUDGE WHEN ITS HARD THEN????? LIKE YOU RLY THINK JUST ‘LIKING THEM’ SUDDENLY MAKES IT EASY FOR ME?? YOU THINK ME FINDING MY NEPHEW CUTE AND LOVING HIM AND HIS LAUGHTER GIVES ME FUCKING SUPERMAN POWERS TO DEAL WITH THIS???????? “but You chose to have kids” rt in my case i literally didnt and would be homeless if not offering to help care for them but HEY COOL CONCEPT PRO CHOICE KINDA FUCKIN INCLUDES WHEN PEOPLE ‘CHOOSE’ TO HAVE KIDS EVEN WHEN THEY STRUGGLE AFTER, TOO LATE TO FUCKIN COMPLAIN NOW, JUST HELP A BITCH OUT. LIke... bro BRO b R O im losing it stop giving parents the inspiration porn treatment while disrespecting the actual struggles they go thru any time the child actually suffers bc they are unable to shield them from their struggle. can i be real, life literally will not go without struggle. you cannot raise them to have a life better than what the world is, you can do your best but you really cant MAKE it fair. once again this is not a ‘raise the perfect child’ contest you are just . trying to raise them at all. its messy. every single day you will have successes and failures, and you’ll be running on empty, and you’ll be doing that just to make it through to do it again tomorrow, while it slowly (AGONIZINGLY SLOWLY) gets easier each day. im tired of pretending lmao i dont wanna hear you bitches judge parents anymore, i dont wanna hear the stupid ass ‘im allowed to’ shit anymore dude!!!!! for gods sake i can agree with you when some shits just plain wrong but ill never apologize for standing up for myself or other struggling parents even if it makes you uncomfy, i can care about Both the child and the parent at the same time, ig i wont ask you why you seemingly cant. 😶 ESPECIALLY when things like classism and ableism tie in so often with these situations. not to mention racism like im white but hoooo if i hear one more story about a black parents ‘negligence’ in efforts of just trying to help their family, like leaving their kids somewhere during a job interview or w/e, vs the white parents that LET THEIR 10 YR OLDS WANDER AROUND MALLS BY THEMSELVES... im gonna scream. im gonna fuckin scream. its so unfair. fuck off, stop the spiteful ignorance, change this shitty hateful culture.

tldr; you Can care about kids while respecting parents, even when they arent perfect. you can advocate for children while also advocating for parents, and in fact, you should fucking try.

[cheekybluefox]

160 Prompt List

1. Why are we at a strip club? 2. I’m sorry, you said what to your teacher? 3. Am I dead? 4. Its always been you. You and always you. 5. Stay with me. 6. How about we put the gun down, and we talk about this? 7. I came here to kick ass and chew gum, and I’m all out of gum.. 8. Whatever it is, I didn’t do it. 9. Am I supposed to be impressed? 10. Don’t tempt me. 11. Is that mine? 12. I can’t do this anymore. 13. Go to hell. - Already been there, but thanks for the invite. 14. Look at me. 15. Where did you get that? 16. Here, take my hand. Everything is going to be fine. Just hold onto me and keep moving. 17. You don’t need to protect me. 18. I had a nightmare about you, and I just needed to make sure you were okay. 19. I told you not to fall in love with me. 20. You know it’s okay to cry, right? 21. I just want to be left alone right now. 22. Those things you said last night, did you mean it? 23. Promise me you come back, just..I need you to promise me. 24. I could tell it was your favorite book by all the notes in the margin. 25. Where do you think you’re going? 26. Despite what you may think, I can look after myself. 27. Just please, be my best friend right now and not the person they I confessed my love to. 28. Well, if you insist. 29. I can’t believe you don’t like Disney films. 30. You’re lucky you’re so cute. 31. Sometimes I really dislike you. 32. Hold my hand, we need to make this look convincing. 33. I’m like 20% sure this plan will work There’s like an 80% chance that it could end in violence and Gore, but this plan is solid, I swear. 34. If I die, I’m coming back to haunt you. 35. If you don’t want to talk about it then just say so; but do not say you are fine, when you so obviously are not. 36. I made cupcakes because I know you like them. 37. My parents asked me about you again. 38. Wait, this is your handwriting? This chicken scratch? 39. I didn’t know you could play. 40. Things don’t always turn out the way you want them to. 41. You two sure you aren’t married? 42. You can’t sit on the sidelines all your life. 43. You deserve so much better. So much more. 44. You haven’t each touched your food, what's going on baby girl? 45. Stay the night. Please. 46. Please pretend to be my boyfriend/girlfriend. I’ll owe you big time. 47. Its midnight. What do you want? 48. You’re strangely comfortable. 49. Don’t fuck with mama bear. 50. I just need you here. 51. How long have you been standing there? 52. Is that what you call an apology? 53.I’ve loved you since I laid my eyes on you. The very moment, I first saw you, and I…oh, fuck it! 54. Just hold me. 55. Can I hold your hand? 56. I just don’t know how to look forward anymore. 57. She’s still alive, she has to be. 58. Get that pretty little butt over here. 59. Is there a special reason as to why you’re wearing my shirt? 60. You’re cute when you’re angry. 61. I didn’t realise I needed your permission. 62. I’m not jealous. 63. Forever is a long time. 64. This is seriously sketchy. 65. I lost the baby. 66. Rude! 67. Let’s blow this joint. 68. Oh, bite me. 69. I haven’t slept in four days. 70. Stop being such a baby. 71. Hey, calm down, its okay. They cant hurt you anymore. 72. I’m too sober for this shit. 73. You can’t banish me! It's my bed too! 74. Good thing I didn’t ask your opinion. 75. Its six in the morning, you’re not drinking vodka. 76. You work for me. You’re my slave. 77. The kids! They ambushed me! 78. You may have to buy my silence. 79. There’s a herd of them. 80. You smell like wet dog. 81. Just smile, for me. Please? I really need to see your smile right now. 82. Just show me what’s behind your back. 83. Take one more step in that direction, and I’ll murder you. 84. I’m proud of you. I’m proud of us. 85. Everyone deserves a second chance. 86. Please don’t cry, I can’t stand to see you cry. 87. You can’t keep pretending that it didn’t happen, cause guess what? It did! 88. I think I’m falling in love with you and it scares the shit out of me. 89. Its cold, take my coat. 90. I’m such a fool for not seeing this earlier. 91. I’m not blind, I’ve seen the way you look at her. 92. Never let them die, they’re the soap opera of my life. 93. Could you just, IDK, stop murdering people for shits and giggles? - Did you just say IDK in a verbal conversation? 94. Sleep in your car if you don’t want the sofa. 95. We bet on it. You lost. Now you have to do it. 96. Let’s get wasted, and go piss on his grave. 97. This is all your fault. - I hope so. 98. Did you just agree with me? No, you said it now, no take backs. 99. Stop doing that thing with your face, its making want to vomit. 100. You’re a psychopath. - I prefer creative. 101. You look… - Beautiful, gorgeous, like a Goddess walking upon the earth. Yes, I know. Now let’s move on. 102. I know, all you want is to go home but you know what? I want to go to Mars. Know what though? It’s never going to happen. Accept it. 103. Nope, can’t go to hell. Satan has a restraining order against me. 104. Get over it. Pussy. 105. It’s three in morning. - yes. Why are you here? - I live here. No, on the floor. With me. 106. I don’t hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water I’d drink it and piss on the ground. 107. You’re judging me. - Yea, its a hobby of mine. 108. FBI! OPEN THE DOOR! -But its so much more fun when you break it down. 109. I’d rather be pecked to death by a flock of woodpeckers. 110. How drunk are you on a scale of one to ten? - Yes. 111. Are you stalking me? - Not in a creepy way. 112. Focus on me. 113. Please don’t waste your tears on him. 114. Ice cream is a good start. 115. Did you just slap me? 116. All is fair in love and war, darling. 117. My vote is on the lemon cakes. 118. Get your dirty ass boots off my nice, clean sheets. 119. I like night time. It's quiet. I can think. 120. Look, there goes my last fuck to give. 121. Why are you walking around naked? 122. Stare at the stars all you want, but you won't find the answer to your problems up there. The real world is down here. 123. I underestimated you. - Classic mistake. 124. How did you manage to get frosting on the lampshade? 125. What’s the worst that could happen? - Famous last words. 126. You want it? Beg. 127. Yes, I heard you. I just don’t care. 128. Eat a bag of dicks. Dick. 129. You’re special to me. 130. If we get caught I’m blaming you. 131. Do not try me right now. 132. You give the best hugs. 133. I swear you love your hair more then me sometimes. 134. Tell me a secret. 135. Shut up or I’ll choke you. - I could be into that. 136. Let’s start with the real questions, tits or ass? 137. You make me nervous. 138. Don’t give me that look. 139. Maybe I did? So what! I don’t have to run everything by you! 140. Tell anyone and I’ll kill you, chop up your body and sell the parts. 141. That’s not your name. 142. Oh, well done. What do you want? A gold star? 143. You like sunflowers right? 144. You game? 145. Just get in the fucking blanket fort. 146. Sorry isn’t gunna help you when I’m kicking your ass. 147. Were you born a dick? Or do you go put of your way to be one? 148. Break her heart and I’ll break your face. 149. Well that was unsettling. 150. Only I can touch you. 151. Don’t tell me to shut up. You shut up. 152. Your mother/father would be so proud. 153. You stole his wallet? - I prefer borrowing without permission. 154. You going to kiss me or what? 155. Die quietly will you? 156. You’re my one. 157. You want it? Come and get it. 158. Why are you wearing Mickey mouse ears? 159. Lock the door next time. 160. Have kids, they said. It’ll be fun, they said.

Hi guys! So I love writing. So I thought I’d try this. I’ll be posting things I’ve thought of myself but I would also love to write things for you guys too. These are the fandom’s I’m happy to write for : - Harry Potter - Game of Thrones - X men - Avengers - Criminal minds - Guardians of the galaxy - Star wars - The hobbit - Lord of the rings. - Once upon a time (s1 - s3A) - Teen Wolf (s1 & s2) - Walking dead ( I watched s1 - s3, then s6 & s7) - Naruto

[groundramon]

I’m bored and I cant focus on my drawing so...

Since I’ve been ratting on Teen Titans all week even tho I insist I like the show (I SWEAR TO GOD I DO...I was off-put at first but? its okay, its hard for shows to immediately hook me), I think it’s only fair to list some of my major problems with some of my all-time favorite shows and some other shows that are currently on that aren’t really my favorite, but I still think are objectively decent and arguably pretty damn good.

I’m not gonna go in order from best to worst but here we go: (keep reading tag because this is going to get really fucking long and ik i dont usually do this with my rants but i feel like i should this time, idk im inconsistent this is a personal blog sorry)

Steven Universe: - I sometimes feel bad critiquing SU because it’s not too far into its run.  I love the show, some of the moments and even full episodes are legitimately mesmerizing, but it...has quite a few problems, yeah.

- The one I bitch the most about is the pacing.  Steven Universe tries to combine serialized storytelling, which is telling an overarching story over the course of several episodes (IE Avatar: The Last Airbender, most anime, ect), and episodic storytelling, which is telling several smaller stories that each fit in one episode with little to nothing connecting them besides the characters (IE SpongeBob, We Bare Bears, most cartoons honestly).  But emphasis on “tries”; Steven Universe, unfortunately, is not very good at blending these two styles.  Steven Universe ridgedly adheres to the idea of having a season that is half filler/”townie” episodes and half “cool alien”/plot-related stuff - and this is something that’s been confirmed, by the way.  So while this was fine in the first season (where the only true overarching plot-related episodes that weren’t just worldbuilding were at the end of the season) and the second season (where the plot episodes can be summed up all-together as “they catch and befriend Peridot and learn, not stop, the Cluster”), it isn’t in the later seasons.  Season 3 has the following plot points: the Cluster is defeated, Malachite is found and defeated and defused, Lapis joins the Crystal Gems, more homeworld gems (rubies) find earth, Jasper is corrupted and bubbled, its revealed that Rose Quartz shattered (killed) someone, and Steven gets lost in space because of a plan gone wrong with the Rubies (and he’s rescued in the last episode).  That is a paragraph worth of plot points.  And, being generous (IE including plot-forwarding episodes that feel more like filler than actual plot, like the baseball episode) that is 13 twelve-minute episodes worth of content.  All of those plot points are addressed in 2.6 hours time.  That is not long enough to visit all those episodes.  And there are a few more I didnt count that /are/ related to the aliens, but Bismuth and Centipeetle currently irrelevant and weren’t related to the plot points I listed so I didnt mention them.

- I’m also still waiting somewhat impatiently for resolution on certain character arcs.  Pearl’s behavior hasn’t been properly addressed for a while and I’m really hoping they dont wimp out of addressing what a piece of shit she can be sometimes.  Like, I love Pearl, but get the fuck outta hear with your Pearl stanning shit.  She’s unintentionally awful and I lvoe her for it.  I’m more patient about Bismuth but.......crewniverse, im starting to get a little impatient with her too.  Bring her back.  You should’ve brought her back in the next episode, because her friends shouldn’t have left her bubbled, but whatever.  It’s fine.  I’m fine.  (I’m not fine).

- Also, Lapis’s character arc.  Wasn’t properly addressed.  One episode she was saying she deserved to be with Jasper and the next she seems fine.  One episode she hates Peridot and two episodes (well several episodes, but two episodes as far as they appear) later they’re buddy-buddy with one another.  I get that there was probably a time gap where they developed closer with one another, but fuck, I would’ve liked to see that instead of Future Boy Zoltron but okay :) (and i dont even hate future boy zoltron, its just one of the few “meh” episodes I bothered to remember the name of)

- SPEAKING OF UNPROPERLY ADDRESSED CHARACTER ARCS I swear to god Crewniverse, if Amethyst was being sincere when she said she didn’t have self esteem issues anymore, I dont think I can call this one of my favorite shows anymore.  Where.  Where did she find the resolve to get over her self esteem issues.  The last time we saw her talk about them was when she broke down in Sardonyx’s room, but, she was speaking through Smoky Quartz (btw, where the fuck has Smoky been? I literally forgot about her because its been so long...).  But still, even if she WAS speaking through a fusion, before then she displayed the same self-destructive mindsets and she was never given the resolve to better herself.  All she did was wallow in her own pity with Steven (which? relatable, but not constructive).  Show us her getting the resolve to better herself.  Show her positively reinforcing herself.  Have her whisper “you can do this, Amy,” under her breath right before she kick’s a bad guy’s ass.  Have her high-five herself, have her cheer for herself, have her be sincerely proud and acknowledging her accomplishments.  Because that’s how you fix self esteem issues and kids should be taught that by someone other than a therapist or the internet.

- Just because a lot of these issues could be fixed with time doesn’t change where they are at this moment.  The past pacing issues might not ruin the show for me depending on the direction they go in, but I feel like they’re going to continuously make the same mistakes over and over - and with the intense direction this show is going now, the idea of having five filler/townie episodes in a row while Lars is in space is terrifying because of how awful that pacing is.  I do not care about Onion, please go back to Lars.  But even if they fix it and the rest of the series is near-spotless, what’s done is done, you cant fix the rushed pacing of the past seasons’ stories and the dumb filler that padded out the seasons in the wrong areas.

- Also, another problem with combining episodic and serialized storytelling is that SU’s story gets WAY too serialized for an episodic show.  There’s so much going on that you can’t just sit down and watch a random episode of the show and start watching the show from there, which is a huge problem when you have episodes like Onion Gang and Future Boy Zoltron that take up 30% of the episodes and offer literally nothing to the story and honestly arent usually even that great as far as episodic stories go.  You cannot have 30% of your serialized show be 100% filler.  That’s bad writing.  And SU is in denial of the fact that it’s too serialized to be episodic.

Gravity Falls: - I generally cite Gravity Falls as one of the best combiners of the traditional episodic and serialized styles.  It’s what Steven Universe dreams of being; it becomes serialized when it counts (the final half of the last season), but up until then, it’s episodic with just a few clues/reoccuring things sprinkled throughout.  However, this show is far, far from flawless.

- Some of the episodic shows, and I mean a lot of the episodic shows, have a tendency to feel rather generic.  Ah yes, a girl whose obsessed with boys and boybands.  Okay.  Seen that.  A nerdy, whimpy boy who has a crush on a cooler older girl.  Again, seen that.  I’m not saying that’s all there is to Mable and Dipper; clearly not.  But a lot of their traits encompass many different stereotypes, and while the characters themselves aren’t bad, the situations they find themselves in aren’t always the most original.  Sometimes I feel like Gravity Falls is a PG-rated Scooby Doo meets Disney Sitcom.  Which is okay if you like Scooby Doo and Disney Sitcoms, but it doesn’t always make for the most eloquent storytelling.  Which is fine for a kids show, but less fine for one of the cartoons heralded as a harbinger of the current cartoon renaissance (then again, I’m not into hardly any of the other harbingers of the “current cartoon renaissance” and I’d argue that we aren’t in a renaissance at all; we’re just finally, finally getting some decent cartoons after the awfulness that was the late 2000s)

- I’m gonna say it; we should’ve learned more about Ford’s adventures in the other dimension.  It’s possible some of the non-animation related materials (namely books) have information about his travels, but as it stands, I havent got a clue what happened to him during those years.  And I want to know.  I should know.  Its a glaring plot hole in all honesty, because we should know what happened to him and how it affected him.  Or maybe im overreacting idk.

Voltron: Legendary Defender: - Hoo boy, where do I even start with VLD

- VLD seems like a show that wants to be character-driven but somehow refuses to.  It wants you to be emotionally attached to the characters, but either it does that and does nothing with it, or it doesn’t even bother to do that.  The only characters whose struggles I care about are Pidge, Shiro, Allura, and only as of season 3, Keith.  Allura I was kinda on the fence about until season 3 but thankfully, if season 3 did one thing right, it was Keith and Allura (and yes I know people are complaining abt Allura’s treatment but I like watching my faves suffer).  That leaves two paladins - and Coran, but I’ll give him a pass because literally the only show that’s done a comedy relief right is ATLA so I’m not expecting him to be superbly well-developed - that I dont give a shit about.

- Lets start with Hunk.  GOD I want to love Hunk so much.  So FUCKING much.  But every time a new season comes out, I feel more and more disappointed.  This show is so obsessed with melding him down to “the fat kid who eats a lot and makes a lot of dumb jokes” and it’s....so disappointing, because there’s so much potential here for something more.  In the first episode of the series, we see Hunk display cowardice (which isn’t an uncommon trait for a fat stereotype) and a prowess for engineering.  Yes he’s a bit of a fat stereotype, but you know what?  I dont care if a fat character is cowardly, makes bad puns, likes to eat, throws up a lot, all that jazz.  I care that they’re more than that.  I hate the idea that a character having a stereotypical trait (assuming its not straight-up a caricature) makes them automatically stereotypical.  Sorry buddy but smart asian people exist.  Preppy blondes exist.  And food-loving fat people exist (hi! i know that last one is true because I am one).  But they’re so obsessed with ignoring Hunk’s other traits - his love of cooking and his engineering skills.  I dont even remember if he used his engineering skills in season 2 and I know he only used it once in season 3.  He didnt even cook in season 3.  And I think the most telling thing in this show is how the show described Hunk’s relationship with Shiro.  As Keith was expressing grief over loosing essentially his big brother figure, Lance thought back to when he viewed Shiro as a legend and a hero, Pidge reminisced about how her father and brother used to praise the guy, and Hunk?  Hunk basically said “uhhhhhh he taught me to pilot my lion.....that counts right.”  Because Hunk has no relationship with Shiro.  Because Hunk has no relationship with any character.  He doesn’t even have that much of a relationship with Lance, and the two seemed to be best friends - or at least friends - prior to the formation of team Voltron.  At best, Hunk is friends with Lance and Pidge.  But all Hunk has done with Keith is make bad jokes while Keith acted all loner-y, and Hunk hasn’t even interacted with Allura and Shiro.

- Now, speaking of Lance, lets talk about him.  While Hunk gets points from me because he’s a sweetheart who deserves better, Lance is a flirter whose too high on his own horse and makes even worse jokes than Hunk does.  Considering Lance is the one we follow in the first episode, I would’ve expected him to be the most centric member of the team.  But first off, fuck me for projecting anime stereotypes/tropes onto a western cartoon (even though voltron was originally an anime kinda but shhh), but secondly he actually is...the most forgettable of all the Paladins.  Yeah I said it.  I legitimately dont like Lance at this point.  Yeah, I said that too.  I basically cant remember anything about him besides the fact that he flirts and jokes around a lot and that Klance is inescapable (like, not that its inevitable that you’ll ship it, but you’ll never escape the fandom for it).  He’s Sokka with all the charm, intelligence, and depth taken out of him, and also bi but that’s the only improvement.  Seriously, what...draws you all to Lance?  I dont want to judge, but he’s just....so stereotypical.  So boring to me, despite being the most lively paladin.  And the development cockteasing.  Oh, the development cockteasing.  I cant tell you how many times I’ve gotten my hopes up specifically because of something the show said about Lance/Lance seeming to be insecure about something, only for them to immediately shoot it down and replace it with more bad jokes or...nothing at all.  Because did Lance even do anything in season 3?  He pilots Red now, he had a funny bit with Blue during the “breakup”, he comforted Keith, Keith comforted him, uhhhh ??? did he even have a line in episode 7??  I feel like there might’ve been episodes where he literally had no speaking parts.  The only good things I can say about Lance so far are: 1. sometimes hes really fucking funny, and 2. it looks like they COULD be building up to something.  But if they’re just cockteasing me all the way through, I’m disowning dreamworks entirely.

- The tone of the show? also shouldn’t vary as much as it does.  The tone of a show varying is fine, but it shouldn’t vary in the way it does in Voltron prior season 3 (I’ll get to what I mean by that in a second).  In season 1 and season 2, the heavy moments of the show were almost entirely carried by Shiro; there was something for Pidge and something for Keith, but even then, Shiro got involved or was there for the entire time.  Shiro, by merely existing, brings the tone of this show down to something almost too serious for a kid’s show (emphasis on almost).  During the light-hearted parts, he just has to keep his mouth shut, because the only time he’s done anything funny (besides ironically funny like with his new outfit and haircut) was when he was yelling at Sven.  Yelling should not be your only source of humor.  But the rest of the show?  Was pretty goofy, yeah it took itself seriously sometimes but it also knew how to have fun.  Which is fine, a show should be able to have fun sometimes.  But that means all parts of the show, including Shiro.  Shiro is physically incapable of having fun and that’s kind of sad.  Season 3 was better about this though; nothing in season 3 felt fun and goofy, like at all, besides Lance taking selfies with girls in the first episode, and that was just one scene.  So I mean, they didn’t fix their problem, but the tone didn’t vary as much.  And I’m not saying the tone shouldn’t vary.  No, it should; you shouldn’t have all serious moments or all goofy moments.  Have some fun, but also take yourself seriously sometimes.  The problem is that parts of the show can’t take themselves seriously (Lance, Hunk) and other parts of the show can’t take a joke (Shiro, Zarkon/any villain too but they get a pass since they’re villains).

- Also we REALLY should know all of the Paladins’ backstories by now, ESPECIALLY Keith’s.  I know his is a mystery, but we need to know what he knows or else we cant get invested in the mystery.  If we dont have the same facts as the characters, we dont know where to start or what to expect.  We should’ve also seen flashbacks to Lance and Hunk’s families - ESPECIALLY Lance’s, since he seemed to care so much about them, but welp now that’s gone :).  We should’ve also seen more flashbacks to Pidge’s family but at least she’s trying to find them.  Nobody else gives a shit about their families and I just.  Aaaaaaaaaa this show infuriates me sometimes.

Avatar: The Last Airbender: - There’s nothing wrong with ATLA, move the fuck along

- I’M JOKING IM JOKING SWEATS okay but it’s no surprise I like ATLA and think its near flawless.  But still, it’s near-flawless, not flawless.

- If you cant stand a little kiddish cheese, you wont be able to stand ATLA.  ATLA takes itself super seriously for something on Nickelodeon, especially something on Nickelodeon in the mid-to-late 2000s (god I wish I watched this show as a kid, my standards would’ve been so much higher and i would’ve known what animation could actually do if you tried) but it’s still written for kids.  Which is fine!  I actually prefer things written for children over things written for adults.  But if you can’t handle something with content that’s clearly written for children, ATLA isn’t for you.

- Ozai fucking sucks.  There’s no other way to put it, his character fucking sucks.  He’s meant to be the embodiment of pure evil, he’s not meant to be sympathetic like Zuko, but for fuck’s sake, we needed his backstory.  And no, The Search doesn’t count; love that comic book, but that’s not enough backstory on Ozai (unless I’ve forgotten an important scene in the comic, idk its been a while).  Azula isn’t a sympathetic villain but we see her reasons and backstory.  Give us something like that for Ozai.  Show us a character that was emotionally neglected and then grew up in a society where killing and genocide were encouraged and praised.  THATS the backstory for Ozai I want.  I want to know where he came from to fuel my hatred for him, to see him as a real person but not as someone who should’ve done what he did, and I want to hate him BECAUSE he feels like a character.  Right now he just feels like the embodiment of evil and that doesn’t make for a good, truly intimidating villain.  A truly intimidating villain is one that you understand and can possibly relate to.  Not...whatever the hell Ozai is.

- Katara and Aang’s romance plot fucking sucks.  I am ace/aro and cannot write romance for shit nor tell when characters have chemistry, but I can still tell this.  It’s not...forced?  It’s not...rushed?  But it’s unnecessary and poorly written and it’s just puppy love and honestly if it was real live I couldnt see their relationship lasting.  Also the idea of seeing someone as a brother and then dating them later is verrrry .... poorly worded to say the least bUT ANYWAYS NEXT BULLET POINT

- Toph and Suki could’ve been developed more.  Like, they were okayly developed, they were great characters, but idk.  Toph didn’t grip me nearly as much as Sokka, Aang, and Katara and I feel kind of bad about it, but thinking about how much development the others got compared to her, it’s not really surprising.  I also am not the hugest fan of rude characters anymore, but I digress.  Also Suki.  Suki had like, little to no development.  I want Suki to be part of Team Avatar.  Can we do that

- General Zhao also fucking sucks.  He’s so generic that the first few times I watched the show, I forgot he was even a significant reoccuring villain.

- Sokka could’ve also been more developed but they could’ve all been more developed honestly?  You can always add to perfection.  I shouldnt complain about Sokka tho, he was finely developed and I love my nonbending son

The Legend of Korra: - Uhhhh the first season’s ending?  0/10 bad, rushed, not good.  I wanted to see Korra deal with the loss of her other elements.  I wanted to see her cope with that.  But no, because Nickelodeon kept screwing over LOK, they had to rush it because otherwise it wouldn’t have been a happy ending for the series if they potentially had to end it after one season.  Fuck Nickelodeon :) but I’m still going to critique LOK for it even if it is Nickelodeon’s fault.

- Bolin and Mako were horribly underdeveloped.  Especially Bolin.  It’s so sad how underdeveloped “Team Avatar” was in this series compared to the last series.  I feel bad complaining about Toph, Suki, and ESPECIALLY Sokka in comparison to LOK.  The only one even comparably as bad is Suki, but she got half a season to be developed and these two got an entire series.  We got some of their backstory and then...that was it, besides the love triangle that Bolin was barely part of.  I guess they were kinda irrelevant for season 2 and season 4, but they had no reason to be missing in the later half of season 4, plus they had season 1 and season 3, so....  God, poor Bolin.  It would’ve been nice to see a nice (fat) comic relief guy like him get the same treatment as Sokka, but whatever....its fine.......ill just sit here patiently waiting for my good representation coughs.  Also all Mako did was do the love triangle and I Do Not Like Him for it.  Keith is a better Mako than Mako ever was because Keith dont need no love triangle and also he already has more development

- Asami also should’ve been more developed, but it looks like there’s potential for more development in the comics so thats good.  From the series alone though, she was pretty flat; better than Bolin and Mako for sure, better than Suki from the original series, but not nearly as good as Toph or the others.  At least she did have some development and a likeable personality that’s relatively original.

- I hate saying this but...Korrasami should’ve been more developed.  I wouldn’t like, take points off of a rating for this point because I mean it was the first lesbian/gay representation in a kids cartoon (from my understanding) and Nick might not’ve even known they were sneaking in something romantic at the end, not to mention they completely subverted the love triangle plot so it actually gains back favor in that way and its great.  Also, I mean, they had that buy-curious joke lmao.  And I’m pretty sure its expanded upon more in the comic; there wasn’t really room to expand upon it in the show because it was just starting.  But they probably could’ve done better than that.  It was still okay though and also, the subverting of the love triangle trope is the greatest thing ever and i long for the day that I can do that plot twist in one of my shows lmao.

- The Villains could’ve been more developed.  Besides Ammon (who is FUCKING AWESOME and you can FIGHT ME) they all had the same problem as Ozai; we dont have many reasons to see them as human or relatable and it makes it hard to hate them as much as we should.  I mean, they do show /some/ human qualities which I appreciate, but I dont entirely understand their motivations half the time and I want to know how they came to view the world the way they do.  But at least unlike Ozai, they do feel somewhat human.  (Except maybe Unaloq, I didnt like Unaloq very much)

And that’s like half of what I could say about each of those shows, and those are just some of my favorite shows I watch.  Dont ask me to go off on like, AOT or something, because I’ll be writing for another three hours lmao (actually feel free to because i wanna INSULT this PIECE OF GARBAGE ANIME that looks rlly pretty but otherwise IS BAD AND IDK WHY I WATCH IT lmao [idk if im joking or sincere sorry])  No show is flawless so I’m going to insult whichever flaws I see.  Fight me.