#like it just really clicks for me
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len and kaito's flyaway changing my life at 9pm on a sunday night was not how i expected my week to end but here we are
#dust bunny#i genuinely cried on the first listen despite not knowing the majority of the lyrics#then i cried even harder after i read the lyrics#and i couldn't stop crying for a whole ten minutes#it just really hits close to home you know?#it's just one of those songs that get me#like it just really clicks for me#ahhh i don't really know how to put it into words#it makes me really sad but it's also really comforting?#i know I'll be coming back to this on all my bad days#i feel so dumb for crying so hard over this but idk it just really really gets me#lmao im too sensitive to these themes#instantly one of my favourite songs of all time#also len's first line is so soft i gasped haha#naw I'll probs cry every listen#thank you so much halyosy#a bit of a personal blabbery but i am overwhelmed with emotions and i need to write them down
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calling my lover "mine" but not in the way that my toothbrush or notebook are mine, mine in the way my neighborhood is mine, and also everybody else's, "mine" like mine to tend to, mine to care for, mine to love. "mine" not like possession but devotion.
#nonbinary love#nblnb yearning#nb4nb#nblnb#wholesomeposting#yearning hours#ive been thinking about how some languages dont have a possessive tense#so you dont say “i have a thing” but rather “a thing is by me”#and like im not usually one for psycho linguistics and like critical thoughts etc etc etc#but i really like the framework of responsibility/commitment rather than ownership#i think about this mostly in terms of ecology#and relation to land#but i also love it as it applies to language shared between lovers#like i LOVE calling them mine or for them to call me theirs#but i'm also nonmonog and that was kinda weird to square for a while#and it clicked one time when i was talking about my neighborhood and i was like well#when i say my neighborhood or my city it's understood i'm not taking it away from anybody else#its understood i just mean the city where i live#so why cant we apply the same to lovers?#mine in the way i want to show up for you again and again#ok#done now
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my husband: are you alright?
me, staring at my old dragon age timeline spreadsheet and thinking about long Solas and Mythal have been alive and how it's so fucking long it doesn't even fit on the screen: ....yeah
(the purple line at the bottom is roughly how long solas was in uthanera. we have no idea when he was born. so could predate the timeline entirely. The bright Green and Red are roughly when Mythal had to be killed/the Veil created)
#dragon age#dragon age spoilers#like in general. don't click on these they're so low res lol#if you really want to see it send me an ask and i'll link the spreadsheet and u can make a copy of it#but its like. kindof messy and just . yeah
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i thought i felt your shape, but i was wrong. really all i felt was falsely strong, i held on tight and closed my eyes. it was dumb, i had no sense of your size. it was dumb to hold so tight.
also on inprnt :]
#tumblr murked my quality so bad MY GODDDD please click on this i promise i have somewhat of an idea of wht im doing. kinda#anyway i once again have no idea what i was doing here but i did have fun. they make me miserable in the best way possible#im trying to be a bit more experimental both in style and colour... well. half on tht last one (guy who really likes reds and blues)#but im trying out line weight a bit more. hooty hoo. going to try drawing some more practice portraits n stuff soon#link#zelda#loz#botw#zelink#(a smidge bcus im insane. as usual)#princess zelda#zelda botw#link botw#loz fanart#tloz#i add new tags each time. i just like to get silly with it sometimes tbh :]#my art
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"Your heart was in the right place. Don't blame your earnestness and efforts for their lack of understanding—the right people will appreciate your heart."
EDIT: i mention this in the tags already, but please don't copy my vent tags in your reblogs. thanks for understanding.
#fnaf eclipse#fnaf dca#dca fandom#crab art#traditional art#bright colours#self-insert#my OC Esther#nearly didn't colour this because i was really happy with the lines#but i'm glad i did#please don't copy these tags i'm just going to vent a bit#sigh i've been really feeling it lately#just very discouraged when my efforts to help are dismissed#i know i'm a people pleaser and i just want people to like me#but like#sometimes we just don't click#and it's not worth trying to work myself to the bone to convince people to give me a chance#and it's not fair to blame myself for the friendships that never came to be#they're on their own journey and i'm simply not a part of that journey#just as they are not a part of mine#and that's fine#it's easy to forget when we can connect with so many people online#that we have a limit to how many quality relationships we can realistically maintain#what does it matter if you have so many friends who “like” you#but have no one close enough for you to be open and honest with?#so i will save my heart for those who appreciate it#for friends who will celebrate with me as i celebrate their achievements#who i feel comfortable enough with sharing our troubles and sorrows and supporting each other through it#those are the friends who are worth my heart
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So much BTS lore feels like fanfiction and I can't get over it
Two of the members hated each other at first. They argued a lot and one time, they threw folded clothes at each other and the member who folded them had to come scold them. And now they keep reminding everyone how long they've known each other for. They wrote a song together where they said that "respect is a higher tier than love" and then called each other "my respect."
The smartest member of the group (one the previous two morons btw) didn't know how to tie his shoelaces until highschool. He doesn't eat seafood because he loves crabs. He's a literal geniues and he's so clumsy and such a dork (and I relate so deeply). And that body, guys, I'm telling you. This whole guy was made by a fanfic author.
Their company was near bankrupcy when they debuted. One of the members, who was getting offers from so many other companies, joined this one because he admired another member who was already a part of it. When these two met for the first time, member two was only wearing underwear and member one said "wow, thighs."
Another member came to an audition, not to audition himself but to support a friend. He was the only person from that audition round to get in. The friend did not.
Another member, who was studying to be an actor, was street cast on a bus.
One of them lost confidence and tried to leave before the debut, but another convinced him to come back, because they "needed him."
The whole industry hated them when they debuted and now they're arguably the best kpop group worldwide. (Arguably, read: argue with the wall)
(Add your own pls, I want to make a collection from this)
#in order#namjoon and yoongi#namjoon#jungkook and namjoon#taehyung#seokjin#hoseok#i feel bad there's nothing about jimin#but i'm literally just ranting off the top of my head#tf you want me to say about jimin#he's a prince??#he's Tiny but Mighty??#he's the perfect love interest??#click clack of chelsea boots??#bts#bts army#bangtan#like wow i really am in a mood tonight huh#fanfiction#kpop
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got silly with this one ◡̈
#torchwood#torchwood fanart#captain jack harkness#ianto jones#gwen cooper#toshiko sato#owen harper#andy davidson#captain john hart#janto#towen#pls click and zoom in for better quality !#HELLO!! everyone who’s been leaving lovely things in the notes of my torchwood drawings I want u to know I love all of u sm!!!#really makes me smile to see people enjoying my silly drawings !!! shoutout to the person who said the way I draw Ianto is like shortbread#fellow torchwood mystery gang truthers this one’s for you#ALSO HELLO !! WELSH PEOPLE !!! ARE YOU YHERE !!! !!!! THIS ONES FOR YOU !!!#has anyone else had the specific childhood trauma of being forced into itchy ass welsh traditional dress pls say my target audience is here#this was actually a way of resolving those memories of having to wear that hat ! the boys just got to wear rugby shirts :(#DO WE THINK IANTO OR GWEN HAD TO DO URDD EISTEDDFOD !! I do !! this is my personal hc just for me bc I think it’s funny#bonus doctor who s1 for u all :D#can u guys tell I’ve just spent the past 2 months job hunting post uni from the gwen drawing :| wish I could get a job for being nosey&gay#myfawny’s tie says ‘l <3 BBQ’ btw if you couldn’t make it out >:)#pls enjoy mewing John hart 👍
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"ooooh thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!!"
They'd be good friends I like to thinmk
#hoppy being very super touchy when happy or excited#catnap being touch averse with some exceptions (and preferring prior warning)#hoppy forgetting this fact and grabbing n' tugging him around when she gets excited anwyas (she'll apologize later)#they're so sillyyy#all the ways the critters get along on a one by one basis is so interesting to me I like to think about what makes them all click#im rambling again oops oops hoppy catnap friendship is also peak i take no criticism /silly#poppy playtime#poppy playtime chapter 3#smiling critters#smiling critters fanart#catnap#hoppy hopscotch#poppy playtime fanart#sorry for disappearing for half a week I got sick and then just. didn't really draw sorry about that one chat#thats pretty normal behavior for me actually dw if I ever go silent for a while that's my norm unfortunately
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i keep thinking about her
first time doing an id! please give me feedback lol
#click on image for better quality#dont crucify me for putting car seat headrest lyrics im just a little silly#i tried a different way of shading and I really like how it turned out#the mechanisms#the mechs#nastya rasputina#my art
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i've never really made a comic before, well, i have, but nothing i had intention to show anyone else
#silverware's art#undertale yellow#uty clover#tumblr better not make this look like a fucking jpeg#the only reason i'm actually posting this is because i really like the backgrounds#ignore the wobbly ass lines. i don't like actually lining things so i just did it like that on the same layer as the sketch#fun fact about this! i did each panels comoring on one layer#background and everything!!#i like the last 2 rows the best. they just look neat to me (though. it is my art so that's kinda to be expected)#the pacing is probably terrible. but eh. it's fine. not gonna NOT post the thing i spent multiple hours on over 2 days#anyways. ignore my rambling in the tags. it's just something i do now. sorry i guess#(not really. it is my post so. y'know. i can do this)#plus! you clicked “show more” so you signed up for a lot of tags
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i finished it, was kicked out of the game, and then spent the next 10 minutes drawing this. i will now go take a shower, most likely cry, and then go through the emotional turmoil of convincing myself to reset so i can do a geno run. i hate it here :D
#undertale yellow#uty#my art#<- ifg#spoilers under these tags beware. although it is mostly just me being very very sad#that entire thing was heart wrenching. anyways#CEROBAS FIGHT??? HELLO???#i had to exit out of it the first time (i got to the last phase) to get better items but i came back and won pretty quickly#but THE CUTSCENES?!?!?#JFC NO WONDER THIS WOMANS SO MESSED UP. HER HUSBAND PRACTICALLY DIED IN HER ARMS AND THE LAST THING HE LEFT HER WITH- HIS DYING WISH- COULD#ONLY BE FULFILLED BY PUTTING THEIR ONLY CHILD IN DEATHS WAY. AND THEN WHEN SHE TOOK THAT RISK THE WORST THING HAPPENED AND SHE NOW HAS TO#LIVE WITH THE GUILT OF BEING THE ONE TO. MOST LIKELY. KILL HER ONE AND ONLY DAUGHTER#ALL THE WHILE SHE WAS PUSHING AWAY HER CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND AND CONVINCING HERSELF THAT SHE WAS IN THE RIGHT TO SACRIFICE CLOVER WHO HAD#BEEN ONLY KIND MERCIFUL AND JUST THIS WHOLE TIME. EVEN TO THOSE WHO WERE TRYING TO KILL THEM. FUCK.#AAND WHEN CLOVER HUGGED HER I DOUBLED OVER IRL BC *THATS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED TO DO IN THAT MOMENT* I HATE IT (read: love it) HERE#n dont even get me STARTED on after that. when clover started moving on their own and the gd white screen came up and we got flashbacks of#everyone's words. thats when the tears rlly started coming bc it clicked for me. 'oh. this is it. isn't it?' and IT WAS#WHEN THEY GAVE THEIR FUCKIGN HAT AND GUN AWAY TO MARTLET AND STARLO WELL THATS WHEN I REALLY STARTED CRYING#AAND THE GROUP HUGG#I WAS SOBBING WHENEVER I HAD TO WATCH THEM CRAWL UP AGAINST THE WALL AND DIE AND HAVE FLOWEYS WORDS PLAY OVERHEAD#AND THE FUCKOGN#THE F U C K I N G#AFTEWRCREDITS SCENE WHERE WE GOT THE 'You heard someone calling for help. You answered.' I GOT CHILLS SO BAD#to think that all the other souls have stories just as expansive and emotional as clover n frisks. how fucked up is that. in a good way tho#and finally the last scene where we got all 4 of our main friends sending us off in waterfall and we see clovers items end up in the dump#just waiting to be found by bratty and catty. fucken hell man this was a masterpiece#anyways time to reset and obliterate everyone and never emotionally recover from that ever!! really is feeling like 2016-17 again w the way#this game has me sobbing my eyes out and feeling the guilt of knowing that i dont HAVE to kill them all but im too curious not to#oh well. at least i have the balls to do it this time around instead of letting a youtuber do it for me ig
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I think Aventio and Screwtio shippers shouldn't fight. After all, Ratio has two hands!
That's right. Two hands.
One for his chalk.
One for his codex.
Both of which he's holding in an embarrassed death grip as they chat away with each other about him.
#I'm on to something here#screwtio#aventio#hsr aventurine#veritas ratio#dr ratio#screwllum#hsr#honkai star rail#now as a disclaimer I'm not personally a huge fan of aventio#exclusively because i think they are so SO much funnier as gay friends#but something about combining the two clicks really well to me#Aventurine and Screwllum would be pretty fantastic metamours i think#they'd have a lot of fun playing off each other#but also Screwllum being there to dispute Aventurine's doubts over whether or not Ratio cares as a verified outside perspective#listing off shit like upticks in heartrate pupil dialation etc on top of being like#he talks about you fondly he knows your favorite things i can personally attest that you are very evidently important to him#stuff Aventurine can't easily write off when coming from not only an outside perspective but also a literal Genius#and on the flip side Aventurine would finally have someone other than Ratio and the Trailblazer he can talk to with relative ease#someone who has also been through a frankly incredibly traumatizing historical event#someone who is also under constant pressure to perform a certain way#someone who has gained wealth and power at the cost of carrying responsibilities on his shoulders and never being truly free#appearing free to anyone who glances but neither of them really are#Screwllum seemingly able to freely pursue whatever research he wants but ultimately permanently shackled with his titles#and public pressure to be the perfect poised representative for all of inorganic kind#forever treading the line of being both a desirable ally and a sufficient threat that you wouldn't want to cross him#and similarly Aventurine stuck in his cycle that he feels only death can free him from of gambling with his life on the line#because the IPC basically owns him#because let's be honest Jade's offer was just a lifetime labor contract he couldn't refuse#granted the illusion of freedom through gaining money and power but never truly free
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Thinking a lot about the inherent queerness of Fallen Hero.
Ortega's endless public performance,
Chen's perceived lack of humanity,
Mortum shaping themself body and mind against the will of others,
Herald's struggle past and present with the world's expectations of him,
Argent's existence being tied to something others perceive as inherently dangerous.
You are all Other.
And you are stronger in each other's company.
—
@cigarettesandinevitablebetrayal
#a tribute to my favourite post in the fhr fandom#ortega#chen#argent#herald#fhr#fallen hero#pulp draws#please click for better quality! tumblr likes to destroy it and this is a piece id really appreciate people having a good look at#its queue and me just us and your friend steve
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potentially hot take but this is a pet peeve of mine
#listen. anyone can write whatever they want and idc I don’t have to engage with it. all power to them!!!!#it’s not even an automatic click-off for me or anything#i just… why. I don’t get it#like… that’s literally one of THE most iconic traits of the entire character. of the entire concept of the SHOW even#and you’re just gonna??? get rid of it??? hello????? the entire basis that John and Arthur’s relationship is made from????????#really????????? possibly the most tender part of their relationship???????#you don’t wanna write fluff about John reading him books and describing things and guiding him????? really?????????#it’s just so boring to me. I don’t understand the appeal#like yeah obviously Arthur as himself would definitely prefer to get his sight back#but as a concept like….#something ab the whole ‘happy ending = the disabled character gets ‘fixed’’ thing just leaves a bad taste in my mouth#why do u have to fix them. why cant they just be disabled. do you think people can’t be happy and be disabled???#idk maybe it’s not that deep. and still I don’t really care that much#it’s just the vibes. I don’t vibe with it.#and I’m sure there’s some actual annoying as hell discourse in the fandom ab it which I have zero interest in engaging in#but I had to have my little petty bitch moment#bc blind Arthur is everything to me. ESPECIALLY in a jarthur context.#anyways thank u for coming to my Ted talk#malevolent#arthur lester#if anyone wants me to tag this as smth Iemme know
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can i just say. and this is probably a niche hill to die on. that i am so gobsmacked every time someone vaguely hints at the idea that jotaro doesn't care meaningfully for the other crusaders, usually particularly kakyoin and joseph, when those two actually tend to be the ones he reacts to being hurt the hardest
like he cares for his loved ones!!!! that literally plays into his character motives in every single part he shows up in!!! stop lying to me!!!!!!!
#me.txt#jjba#i'm going to ramble in tags actually. excuse me#ok. rereading sdc and so confused at the general perception of jotaro and his friends/family. he's not NEARLY as flat or as dickish#i understand that the anime (particularly the dub) tends to slander him but even then he still clearly cares for them! i'm confused#i also understand that a lot of people dig against jotaro and kakyoin as a dynamic because 'they're popular' and that generally disliking#popular things across media is a thing that i've seen consistently everywhere but the discredit to them simply as a DUO and not even as a#pairing is so..... odd..... like they're considered to be a duo that clicks for a reason. i enjoyed them even before i got into the fandom#every time i see someone say jotaro is overrated/dull i take a shot and assume they're an anime-only or only read the manga like once btw#joseph and jotaro also have a neat dynamic and they obviously both love and care for each other. like they're not going to go around loudly#or anything but literally the entirety of the lovers and the prelude to the dio fight IS jotaro being worked up over joseph getting hurt#equally i don't know if it translates to the anime as much but joseph is VERY complimentary when it comes to jotaro. like he sings his#praises so often and reminds everyone that he's his grandson so frequently (d'arby the gamer is a good example of this). either way it's so#peculiar....... there's not enough avdol and jotaro content btw (also in canon) because jotaro obviously looks up to him and avdol jokes#around with him on the occasion they interact after their intro which doesn't start very well. it's very cute#i do think an important thing to note about jotaro's character is how he acts AFTER his intro because he's so drastically different. early#jotaro and later jotaro aren't the same character and i do not mean this in a character development way. excluding the jail incident he's#completely different and probably shouldn't really be taken into account (especially considering the amount of slapstick in araki's intros)#and i think that's really???? what people center on for his character? Which sucks balls bad!#anyways. i could ramble more about this if asked i have so much to say but sigh. jotaro cares so much for his friends and family he's not a#flat fully cold asshole character regardless of whether you watch the anime or ova or read the manga. you just have poor media literacy#i wouldn't recommend watching solely the anime for his character though. the dub also changes a lot so it's... questionable#i love the anime and it's still important for him though. also adds neat stuff. i need to stop myself. i have many thoughts on the matter#jotaro kujo#joseph joestar#noriaki kakyoin#adding in case anyone sees: i am not saying that he is perfect about this. in fact he is very ass about it with jolyne and holly and that's#very important. he also is in fact an asshole sometimes. NOT as much as you guys are making him though!#please don't get me started on how much of a dick etc people make kakyoin to veer away from the 'woobified' characterizations of him#in fact i think that's bad if not worse because it CLAIMS to be in character. hes a prim asshole at times but not that angry or dishevelled
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Dungeon lord Chilchuck
What would his wish as a dungeon lord be? What would he be like? Headcanons & speculation post for fun. But I’ll start with analytic lead up because that’s always fun for me, though feel free to skip and skim.
When it comes to what Chilchuck’s dungeon lord desires could/would be like we have mainly 3 hints: His nightmare, his succubus and what the winged lion says to him.
Why: — From what we see nightmares are based on the person’s worst fears and insecurities, both Laios’ and Marcille’s nightmare were closely tied to their dungeon lord wishes (Laios’ dream monster being summoned to crush the ghosts of relationships that represented the pressure to fit in and belong, Marcille seeking control over death and aging through magic to avoid loss), the fuel behind their desire/goal if you will. Fear and deep-seated desires are seemingly closely tied, something also supported by Thistle and Mithrun’s reigns as dungeon lords (Thistle proving his worth through fulfilling his given duty + protecting his loved ones, being listened to instead of having to listen, Mithrun escaping rigid two-faced elven society and living in a wonderland where he has no enemies and he’s loved, free from everyone he knew yet propped up by the person symbolizing his brother being chosen over him, the bastard child).
— I’ve talked about the significance I assign to the succubi often by now, but rundown: What we see of each character is all very telling if you care to listen, it shows not only someone’s "ideal form" but what they want from it. Izutsumi’s is familial, offering a hug and comfort, Marcille’s is romantic with a character she knows and loves, offering a kiss on a hand and a connection regardless of how distant it actually is, and Laios’ is platonic, arguable at first but then Laios’ fear of judgement is placated and he is offered the picture perfect friend group that accepts his interest (if you want my full look at Laios’ succubus go here). They take on the most alluring form, most ideal person of their victim, even uncovering deep subconscious desires, so precisely and effectively to the point it leaves victims physically frozen before the object of their desire. Succubi and the demon are themselves tied in lore and it’s easy to see how similar their core skill are. Succubi don’t give a good idea of what a character would wish for on their own but they certainly give hints on what they crave, regardless of how you want to read it.
— Last bit is self-explanatory. To placate Chilchuck and win his compliance over, the monster that reads your soul like an open book offers to give him something specific. But! It’s also important to remember that the lion isn’t offering to fulfill Chilchuck’s dream world wish here, it’s a second prize, because his goal with what he promised Laios is that they’d stay in this world, away from everyone and everything else. Chilchuck wants to get away but is kept back, and it’s here the lion placates him with "hey it’s okay! You can’t do that but I can still give you this! This is enough right? It’ll make everything easier on you".
What each bit says: — Long version in another post. Tldlr: His daughters and family are obviously important to him, and this reinforces that he takes on the role of protector a lot, he’s constantly worried for his party members’ lives and implicitly his family’s. Safety and stability, both economical and otherwise, are his core values and goals, and he berates both others and himself if someone fails on those fronts. Here, there’s the fear of not being enough, of not having been able to protect, and of course of loss.
— Chil’s succubi are obviously sexual, and not only that but agressively and straightforwardly so. It’s not like Marcille’s where there’s personality involved, all they do is give him sultry looks and pretty smiles before jumping on him. His succubi aren’t like Izutsumi’s, always the same exact person and appearance, so it’s not someone but an appealing general idea. The idea of a sexual being he can regard as simply a gorgeous piece of meat and a good time no strings attached. In my interpretation, especially with my reading of Laios’ succubus where even with deep-seated desires negative emotions can be too intense to effectively freeze a victim, I think this doesn’t contradict his character. Relationships have been painful to him in the past, in the succubus scene when his wife gets mentioned his immediate reaction is to yell "Don’t bring her up now!", like with his habit of drinking and as a tallman liking his senses feeling dulled, it’s about not having to feel emotions with how difficult they are to deal with sometimes and just feeling good, or at least not having to think, for a while. If a succubus showcases someone’s ideal connection with an ideal person, then Chilchuck’s is with a pretty person that doesn’t stir any negative memory or drama, someone low stakes and low maintenance that doesn’t require him to manage or talk out feelings because there’s none involved in the first place.
— Once more, wife and family are important! He does long for his family, not only his wife but his daughters, and vice versa. This suggests not only that he wants good relationships with them but that he wants them to be with him, a family life. Far from the cut communication they all more of less have during canon, and perhaps far from their life pre-canon when he worked away from home a significant amount of time. We’ve seen recreations of people by the winged lion before with doppelgangers and monsters (naga), and though he claims he can make satisfying imitations, what we’ve seen is that they base themselves on the best memories of that person, like with Marcille’s dad, or twist behavior to be more pleasant, like Mithrun’s lover (and possibly twist appearances depending on the person’s view of them, but that’s Mithrun analysis). The line does suggest Chilchuck would want his family members as they are in reality and not idealized versions, but the circumstances are chaotic and urgent enough in the scene (and again the lion isn’t fulfilling Chilchuck’s wish but trying to make him content for Laios’) that it could just be the winged lion saying what he needs to to convince him the fastest possible, and like we see with Laios that can crumble to give way to deeper or more complex desires.
On top of that we just have general info on Chil. How does Chilchuck deal w his issues? What does he like to do? He likes alcohol and ignoring his problems. We have to remember there is a split between what someone would consciously wish for and what their soul uncontrollably irrationally craves. As always with Dunmeshi, there’s a narrative of irrational deep-seated desires vs active wants, what you crave vs what you strive for, what you dream of vs what’s actually good for you, the animal vs the human inside you, heart vs mind. Chilchuck craving a harem of hot babes in his fantasies but wanting his family life & wife back again is not mutually exclusive. You may crave becoming a monster and tasting what humans are like a little but still want to save the world & your friends more.
Btw can we adress the irony of him terrified of being the last one alive, of being left by his daughters and wife, of having left and coming back home one day to see everything gone or rampaged, yet not caring about dying of liver failure himself, knowing every time that he enters a dungeon there’s a real risk he may not come out. Die somewhere I can’t see you. I prefer leaving you than being left behind. He’s selfish and shortsighted like that… Chilchuck is selfless in many ways of course, but perhaps also due to his own relationship with his parents, he often undermines the effects he has on others in his relationships, both the good and the bad (he talks himself down about being cowardly and greedy yes, but never hints at his bad health habits, alcoholism and starving himself, may have affected his loved ones, doesn’t question his wife falling into a bad mood the night before she left, and talks about the possibility of dying here and there very casually, though obviously he tries his best to stay alive when it doesn’t concern his health).
Chilchuck king of "Let me just avoid and ignore my problems surely they’ll go away, things might work out and if they don’t well tough luck I’ll survive and I probably deserve it anyways". If I don’t look at it it will dissapear <3 Why care when you can simply not think about it.
You might not understand Mister "my love will stay strong through months of work travel and also 4 years of separation" and Mister "well idk my siblings and me are kinda strangers and my dad is dead but that’s kinda whatever", but typically relationships need some form of maintenance and emotional availability…
The actual headcanons finally
I kinda have 2 routes in mind for dunlord Chil and both of them are centered on "I care too much, i wish things were easy", so first is a lot like his succubi, it’s full on indulging in his guilty pleasures like alcohol and bodies and it’s to keep him in a constant state of thrill and euphoria and distracted, unfeeling about stuff that really matters. "Nothing matters except that I’m enjoying the moment!" vibe. He gets to live a life worthy of Dionysus, with alcohol and women and debauchery and like— never having to think again, never having to feel anything but pleasure again, never have to feel guilty or shitty or angry or sad. He has a harem and gets everything on a silver platter.
Breaking news demon magic-induced rush of euphoria and power still not enough to cure this man of his self-hatred nor his capacity for thought!! But in his case a state of euphoria is what he seeks I think, to kinda mask or replace the Everything Else.
The other is what I think closer to what canon suggests, with what WL implied too with "I’ll make you a new wife and kids like the originals!! 😊", it’s a (spoilers) Wandavision type thing where it’s a slice of life where he’s never at work and always at home and the family eats lunches at the dinner table together and everything and everyone at any moment is just. Happy. No issues. It was all a dream, this is real and everything is fine and your family is perfect and happy. I like to think the timeline would be wonky, his daughters would fluctuate in age, but he’d want to be there for what he missed, would want them to still rely on him and look up to him like when they were young, would like to forget that they’re now independent adults and the distance that grew between Chilchuck and his siblings is happening between them as well. Chil would want doppelgangers of his family imo, at its core just a general wish for a peaceful happy family life with no drama, no need to compromise, a little paradise of unconditional love and no consequences. It’s for sure straightforward, but Chilchuck is a man with straightforward desires…
But see Chilchuck is a greedy man, and he wants it both ways without having to sacrifice anything or expanding any efforts himself. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. I think playing with these two opposite directions and mixing and matching is most fun. Him leading a life where he indulges in all his worst habits while still having everything he wants… Him getting to have BOTH his wife and any woman he can imagine up, his life like two sides of a coin he can flip at any moment where he’s partying then he’s at home enjoying the quiet and his toddler daughters playing with toys on the carpet. Christ when you remember it’s all an illusion that’s terrifying, the doppelgangers and succubi from the winged lion playing chilchuck ping pong.
A safe little haven both security-stability wise and emotionally. Gets to have both the relaxing and the thrilling in any dose he wants, mixed or separatedly. What I’d argue he had pre-canon too: Can live it up in taverns away from home, stays away from home for long periods of time, and can come back to home aka the symbol of relaxation and safety whenever he decides to. Something he can leave and come back to at will, an anchor he can trust in (until it’s taken from him and his wife leaves. Or in his worse nightmare people rush in and kill his daughters). The ideal of a house and family to a working man, perhaps…
I think it’s fun to think on wether or not these desires would be interesting at all to the winged lion… In canon he seeks out "rare/complex desires", common simple things like I imagine riches, sex, substances and pleasure would be are boring to him, he’s eaten those so many times already. So perhaps he wouldn’t last long as a dunlord, the WL would want to eat him fully quick, can’t keep him interested or waiting long for a meager meal, too much effort raising the cattle and too low quality meat. By making it more twisted or layered Chil’s desire would become more desirable to the demon, it’s part of what’s fun with the third option to me. But whatever. Has he ever eaten a guy with this much repression and self-sabotage... Like trying to get the meat out of a walnut, enrichment…
Other dunlord Chil takes I’ve seen that are fun and good:
@feelo-fick and @pluvio-floret have a dunlord Chilchuck AU project dubbed "tragedy AU" where Chilchuck is said to be "on vacation", in a weird delirious state, only half-there half of the time… From which he doesn’t want to wake up </3 Quoting Feelo, this is why the vacation thing is only a half-joke cause he is 1) letting all his responsibilities go 2) indulging in himself and 3) "spending time with his family" <- lie but you get what i mean. Additional comments that have me vigorously nodding: because changing is hard why cant things just be okay right now without the effort !!! Life is hard he’s so so tired he just wants to feel good… he just wants life to feel nice and easy for a sec while he can learn to breathe again and lose the stress and trauma he’s accumulated…….. spoiler alert yes !!! in fact a depressed person can suck themselves into their job and lock out the world who wouldve thought !!!
And then Cabinette I know posted about his dunlord take once but I don’t have the link, in which Chil has a lot of nosebleeds because of mana overload which is fun and interesting to think about imo~
In dunmeshi, where characters get underground pockets of the world as their playground disconnected from everything outside and the rest of the world, it’s important to remember to face reality even if it has conflict and people with different views and stances from you, it’s something Chilchuck and Marcille and everyone needed to learn, and the thing with a dungeon lord AU is that you imagine a timeline where he fails to <3
A timeline where his dungeon lord wish is to desire nothing bc hope and want has only ever hurt him would also go so hard. Very universal thing though I suppose.
… And this is why a Chilchuck-centric Coraline AU is really really interesting and fitting and topical— Ok that’ll go in a separate reblog/post at @Fumiku I need to let this end
#Dungeon meshi#chilchuck tims#Analysis#dungeon lord chilchuck#Spoilers#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#Wish we could put just parts of a post under a ‘click to read more’ box that scrolls open and closes neatly#Bc 3/4th of the post is just extra explanation for ppl who don’t See The Vision already but like that’s not what i wanted most of the post#to be really gdbdg#Headcanons#You could say the family also represents something he’s built up with how own hands. If he has self-worth issues and thinks he’s a screw-up#in the virtue/honor and likability department especially— his family destroyed/killed also represents the one biggest good thing#he’s done/created crumbling also. Like his wife leaving without a word while he trusted their relationship this can hugely impact#one’s sense of identity and self-worth and what you’re living life for. In his case it’s not too surprising he turned to simple#physical pleasures for comfort and enjoyment. Like with tasting good food having moments feeling good keeps you going#He always focuses on the bad relationships bring and never the good aghhhh#The reverse of Marcille who often idealizes. They both ignore problems in their relationships in opposite ways.#What do you mean why do i bring up marcille. Okay yes this’ll get a marchil Fumiku short brainstorm reblog as well#Chilchuck is so… curse of having feelings and not realizing the extent of them. Underestimating how much you care#It’s either ‘i’m fine who cares’ or falling into the pits of despair and blaming himself n spilling his whole bag no inbetween#Dunmeshi succubus#Fumi rambles#boy that’s what this boils down to i suppose#Family angst “Hey I came back home from work and i’m tired so don’t talk to me about problems or anything k? I’m here to relax smh damn”#< unwilling to admit he has issues he should be working on or that some things are affecting others negatively#Chil you are so enneagram 6w7 <3
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