#like im not the only one to think of this obviously but. Good lord i am thinking about it

[shrinevandal]

sashaying into the lost fandom 20 years late to the party with my in depth ben linus queer representation theories and my stupid little images and my ship names i made myself acting like i own the place

[astonmartinii]

peas in a pod | oscar piastri social media au

pairing: oscar piastri x fem!russell!reader

y/n and george russell may be twins, but they’re hardly two peas in a pod and oscar is just there for the ride

MASTERLIST | TIPS

yourusername

liked by georgerussell63, oscarpiastri and 602,344 others

tagged: oscarpiastri

yourusername: are you alex’s appendix cause you make me wanna bust 😩

view all comments

user1: excuse me 😀

user2: sometimes i’m like yeah george and y/n are defo twins and then she says shit like this and i’m like they can’t be related

alexalbon: erm what is is ?

yourusername: gosh so other people can use your appendicitis for a seat but i can’t use it to appreciate my boyf - PC gone crazy

alexalbon: the only censorship you’ll need is when my foot is up your ass

yourusername: i’d love to see you try i’ll put you back in the hospital

alexalbon: you say that but when i woke up in hospital you were crying your eyes out begging me to never do that again 🤨

yourusername: i was CHANNELLING GEORGE OBVIOUSLY

oscarpiastri: she cried about it for a good week after alex dw she loves you really

yourusername: TURNCOAT say goodbye to your bedtime privileges

georgerussell63: okay we’ll stop right there, y/n is sorry for joking about your appendicitis alex, and y/n we will not be discussing extracurricular activities with oscar. thank you.

user3: what about the people who want to hear about the extracurriculars? and maybe want to … see them?

yourusername: @oscarpiastri how do you think mclaren would feel about an onlyfans?

oscarpiastri: i think it’ll be a hard no

yourusername: ugh boring

user4: y/n talking about an onlyfans whereas i don’t believe george has even seen a naked woman

oscarpiastri: i love you and your dumb fucking pick up lines

yourusername: what do you mean i’m literally the reincarnation of william shakespeare?

georgerussell63: more like e l james

yourusername: i knew it was you who stole my copy of 50 shades GIVE IT BACK

yourusername: anyhow … i love you too babe x

user5: every comment section we learn new y/n russell lore and it shocks me everytime

oscarpiastri

liked by landonorris, yourusername and 734,513 others

tagged: yourusername

oscarpiastri: in this house i guess we celebrate hit tweets? happy one year anniversary to the alpine breakup

view all comments

user6: CAKE SCARED ME FOR A SEC I WON'T LIE

yourusername: i think the technical term is “stunting on these hoes”

oscarpiastri: for pr reasons i will not be agreeing

yourusername: @ otmar HE BROKE I’M UP

oscarpiastri: you’re going to get me into even more trouble than that tweet did

yourusername: blame me and tell them to meet me in the car park, no weapons just fists

oscarpiastri: maybe let’s not

yourusername: you don’t wanna be my sexy ring girl? :(

georgerussell63: one day of not threatening people is all i ask for

yourusername: you weren’t saying that when i beat that year 13 guy’s ass in year ten for picking on you 🤨

georgerussell63: well yes but needs must

oscarpiastri: sorry george i’m siding with y/n she’s not afraid to tell the waiter they got my order wrong

landonorris: and she can square up to the people who won’t leave us alone in clubs

georgerussell63: okay i get it damn

yourusername: SMASH

alexalbon: you can’t let anything be normal can you?

yourusername: since you wanna be in my business… lily is a smash too

alexalbon: excuse me?

yourusername: let it be known if i weren’t already with the love of my life, id steal your girl

lilymunhe: oh wow … umm ☺️😳

alexalbon: OSCAR DO SOMETHING

oscarpiastri: idk bro im focusing on being called the love of y/n’s life

user7: silly season was so boring this year thank the lord we have y/n to cause chaos

georgerussell63: do not encourage her

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, oscarpiastri and 823,410 others

tagged: oscarpiastri

yourusername: you think i look bad, you should see the other girl. don’t touch men without their consent - and definitely don’t touch my man or you will be dealt with. trust.

view all comments

user8: someone leaked the video and omg that girl has hands

user9: she did NAWT hold back omg

oscarpiastri: i love you, thank you for defending my honour

yourusername: i love you too, i’d protect you with my life but don’t get it twisted, i’d throw hands for anyone

oscarpiastri: no but for real i’m very thankful for you standing up for me

user10: why is everyone praising this? all this shows me is that piastri is a pussy that needs his gross girlfriend to stand up for him?

yourusername: i’m going to stop you right there. that girl thought she could touch a man without his consent, and it’s completely out of order. so she was handed the consequences. oscar couldn’t do anything so it fell into my hands. you are the problem, do not talk down to him or other victims in those situations.

georgerussell63: as much as i joke, im glad you and oscar have each other.

yourusername: thank you georgie

oscarpiastri: thanks george, but your sister is the real knight in shining armour here

yourusername: i'll always save you princess 👸

alexalbon: everyone is being very sentimental but YO I KNEW YOU SAID YOU HAD HANDS BUT DAMN

user11: alex spill how brutal was it?

alexalbon: i had a front seat and it was like prime anthony joshua she was NOT playing

yourusername: oh wow that’s a big statement

alexalbon: i don’t wanna sound unprofessional but it was honestly crazy and i am so impressed y/n should really consider combat sports

yourusername: in my defence she just fully turned in on my fist

georgerussell63: okay normal service resumed she's making fun of me again :(

user12: why are we celebrating violence?

user13: people have no respect for the drivers these days, just because you’re in the same club as them does not mean that you’re entitled to harass them ??? you fuck around you’re going to find out… esp when y/n is around LOL

oscarpiastri

liked by georgerussell63, yourusername and 1,023,444 others

tagged: yourusername

oscarpiastri: so a lot has happened. i don't want to give the girl any more attention. i love my girlfriend and i love how much she loves me. cry more.

view all comments

user14: OOP HE GAGGED THE HOES

georgerussell63: "cry more" y/n has clearly been rubbing off on you

yourusername: i can assure you i've done much more than just rub off on him

georgerussell63: NO NO STOP RIGHT THERE MISSY

oscarpiastri: to be fair you walked right into that one george

georgerussell63: introducing you two really is the stupidest thing i've ever done

oscarpiastri: first of all, arthur introduced us months before you "introduced us", second of all, this is a lot coming from the guy who cried to me about how i'm so great for your sister and can't wait to have me as a brother-in-law

yourusername: AWWW GEORGIE YOU SOFTIE

georgerussell63: yes i am soft. i love love. sue me gosh.

user15: they are so aesthetically pleasing to my eyes

landonorris: so does like y/n wanna give self defence classes?

yourusername: for a price, soz nothing comes for free in this economy

danielricciardo: please can you do classes? i wanna harness your rabid chihuahua energy

yourusername: i am NOT. a chihuahua take that back daniel

oscarpiastri: she's more like a kangaroo, cute but will steal your dog and beat your ass

yourusername: true, i just wanna put you in my pouch

yourusername: that sounds weird, but i just wanna hold you and never let go

danielricciardo: okay i was just messing around no need to be disgustingly cute

logansargeant: i'm glad you're both okay, but that room service debrief went so hard

oscarpiastri: honestly if i weren't holding an ice pack to my girlfriend's face it would've been top two

yourusername: eh i think it's still top two, nothing is unseating when we were next door to lando shagging and we made it a drinking game 😭

landonorris: WHAT ????

oscarpiastri: no comment

logansargeant: no comment

yourusername: it was drink every time you moaned impressively loud 👍

landonorris: no comment

alexalbon

liked by oscarpiastri, yourusername and 822,304 others

tagged: yourusername, oscarpiastri, lilymunhe

alexalbon: idc you can never get me to hate her ass if you poke the bear expect to get bitten

view all comments

user16: sorry to the galex truthers but y/n and alex are the superior friendship

yourusername: i knew you loved me + and i knew you loved oscar SEND ME THE LAST PIC NEW LOCKSCREEN INCOMING

alexalbon: i've been the personal photographer for both russells for years and i'm only just being appreciated

yourusername: HOLD ON i take just as many of you and lily

alexalbon: well that's easier because we're much easier to photograph

oscarpiastri: WOAH hold your horses pal, call me ugly all you want but one shall not dishonour y/n

alexalbon: okay someone spent the break at the russell house

yourusername: HE'S NOT UGLY YOU POOL NOODLE TAKE IT BACK

alexalbon: damn it's a tough crowd. and on a post literally appreciating you

yourusername: bare minimum

user17: okay the kardashians are over - netflix can we please get a drive to survive spin off about y/n, george, oscar and alex ????

landonorris: lando norris erasure

charles_leclerc: charles leclerc erasure

oscarpiastri: move over twitch quartet, there's a new sheriff in town

landonorris: okay i'm banning y/n from mclaren you've spent too much time with her and now a rookie is bullying me :(

yourusername: he ate you up... i'm so proud

landonorris: is this the environment the russells promote? @georgerussell63

georgerussell63: you're on your own on this one lando i gave up years ago

yourusername: @oscarpiastri i think that's called maximising our joint slay

oscarpiastri: they wish they were us for real

user18: i love watching a black cat gf slowly corrupt her golden retriever bf

yourusername: oscar is like an evil little kitten really

oscarpiastri: and you love it

note: quick one cause i'm in my feelings. enjoy this random oscar cuteness he is an aussie queen (also a friend of mine literally went to the same school as him it's so weird)

[avaredava]

I think we can all agree Satoru is so nice usually. But I think I NEED mean Satoru. He absolutely makes fun of you when you inevitably can't take all the dick he gives you, especially if you're folded up into like, mating press. Just calling you dirty names.

I'm fucking drooling holy lord

IM TWEAKING THAT IS SO YUMMY ISTG

I fucking love your ideas ilysm 😩 btw this one is kinda short i'm still sick but if you want a longer version just ask i'll make one ( ˘ ³˘)♥

୨୧・・・・୨୧

MDNI

Master list's

⯌ Sum

Mean Satoru Gojo (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

⯌ Wc

0.7k

it's really short but it's all mostly smut

⯌Warnings

Mean!Satoru, Fem!reader, Degradation, Humiliation. Overestimation, Edging, Bondage, Restraints, Impact Play (pussy spanking), Cervix bruising, bruising, brief mention of rope burn, Degradation & Humiliation, some aftercare, kinda kinky, breast playing, mating presses, eagle spread, vibrator that suctions, clit stim

୨୧・・・・୨୧

Satoru Gojo is one of the kindest and sweetest boyfriends you ever had. He would buy you everything you want and kiss you so gently it feels like an angel's kiss. One thing no one has ever expected was him to be so cruel when you both are having sex.

All your friends talked and gossiped about how "He'd just give you vanilla sex nothing that feels good.", "Orgasmless sex.", and "He's tall but probably a small dick." They chuckled and giggled about there own comments.

Little did you know when you joked about what they said about Satoru to him. He decided to prove them absolutely wrong.

_

"Toru! Fuck!" You whine as he slams his big cock inside you in the tightest mating press. His hips snapping wildly like he was so fucking desperate to make you and him cum he was about to cry from over stimulation but he doesn't fucking care.

You tried to move away from overstimulation since he's been edging you but his hips snapping and his hands gripping your shoulders making sure you can't move away.

All you can do is holler and squeal and beg for mercy. Obviously he doesn't. He pulled out for a second and you thought it was over so you let out a sigh of relief before you heard a buzz. Your eyes shot open and you squirm. He ties your wrists and legs bound to the bed post in a eagle spread.

Your nipples perked in the air with arousal your stomach moves up and down with harsh breaths. You let out a shaky breath as he puts the pink vibrator on your clit. It suctions with a click of a button and you yelp as the buzzing gets stronger and more stimulating.

"Your such a fucking slut. Talking about me with your friends, agreeing about these insults. One of those insults maybe being... orgasm-less sex hmm..?" He snarls at you raises the vibrations a notch.

"S-Satoru please I was joking!" You begged and hollered. You know there's no point. He's too pissed off to stop. "I don't fucking care Y/N. You're getting what you said I give you- or what i don't give you. Being a bad girl means no orgasms."

He shoves his fingers inside your pussy pushing against your sweet spot and you were on the brink before he takes the vibrator off while it was still suctioning so it caused a little sting and you whined.

He unties your legs but not your arms so you can't leave or stop him. Your legs shut close fast. "I swear to god Y/N stop closing your fucking legs. I undid them to put you in another position you slut. So keep your legs open." He snarls meanly at you but for some reason it got you more wet.

He put you into a mating press again, his dick hitting parts of you only he can hit. You holler and moan sweet music for his ears. He crushingly hits your cervix. It hurts so good you're at the brink of screaming. His hips snapped at this point both of your hips are bruised.

He grabs your tits aggressively. Tweaking your nipples. Your voice was hoarse from your screams so your moans were more quiet as fat tears dropped down your face. "Fucking slut."

He slapped your pussy, hard. He kept smacking as his thrusts got more bruising. Your cervix is at the point of bleeding. You do have a safe word but fuck it feels too good to stop.

"Y-Your so b-big 'Toru." You whine your eyes squeezed shut. "You can't take it? I thought you were my personal whore hm? My little slut can't even take my own dick." he grins meanly with an evil grin. He decides to take some mercy on you but with a price.

"I'll let you cum if you are a good girl and be quiet no moaning? Hm? Show how obedient you are?" He says wanting power over you. You nod frantically wanting him so bad you don't care what he says anymore.

His hips snap faster and you finally cum on his cock holding in your screams letting out cute noises as his hips don't stop moving crazy fast. He moves a hand down rubbing your clit prolonging your pain of trying to be quiet but the pleasure unknotting from your stomach your pussy feeling good with thrusts and rubs. It's so worth it.

He finally pulls out and unties your wrists kissing the rope burn marks gingerly pulling you close.

"Still gonna joke and make fun of me?"

Maybe you will, maybe just maybe, you want that all again.

୨୧・・・・୨୧

Sorry ya'll it's kinda short 😖

[hibiscusseaart]

my brain keep showing me one particular au in my dreams over and over again, im basically watching a fanfic there at this point.

so the plot that i try to make sense of: madatobi got married but somehow it was accidental? like not even arranged, they got married by some weird laws that i dont remember. and no it was not abo mating thing, it was like a canonverse. AND it was after Konoha was founded, so no arranged marriage for peace or shit. it was literally random ass marriage for no reason.

SO, the marriage, i keep dreaming about Tobirama being absolutely miserable in his married life bc he doesn't understand Madara and Uchiha's culture. like for him it was basically an arranged marriage be some supernatural shit, so he has to act like a proper spouse, do his 'duty' and be a good bride and make his husband happy. but after the ceremony Madara did nothing and offered Tobirama his own room to sleep and there was 0 kisses or touches or any acknowledgement that Tobirama is Madara's husband.

To add to it Madara doesn't give Tobirama any duties in the clan, so Tobirama just hangs out in his room when he's at home. He doesn't even ask for a lab bc he's sure Madara would deny him. Like he's not even sure he's allowed to do experiments here. Tho he still works in the Tower and goes on missions and stuff.

Plus noone explains him ANYTHING. Tobirama is used to Senju's autistic ways (hc that Senju clan is just full of autistic ppl thats why its a clan of a thousand skills): everything is explained and everyone are very direct with each other in the clan. Hidden meanings and not spoken out loud norms are only for politics and other clans.

Like maybe he asks some women directly "how to be a good Uchiha spouse" and they assume he's talking about sex and they get shy and try to hint and Tobirama is just so confused, he doesn't understand shit. He needs Uchiha social norms instructions but there's NONE bc apparently you have to GUESS????

Obviously from what Tobirama guesses and sees, he comes to the conclusion that Madara still hates him and they are doomed to have marriage without any love or affection (for now i keep thinking about maybe it was like soulmate's bond or some god's marriage thing)

And Madara's POV is that he is really confused about Tobirama and he doesn't fucking understand what to do with him. Like he doesn't want to take him in his bed just bc they are husbands now, he can't have children and he doesn't want to make him do work for the clan bc well they both didn't ask for it and he doesn't want to force Tobirama to do something just bc of something that was out of their control.

And their relationships are still strained bc of the war and stuff. But Tobirama really wants to be a good spouse, but he has fucking nothing. He can't even cook or clean bc Madara has like a maid from the clan for it.

The only things Tobirama does in clan are to teach Kagami and sometimes spar with Izuna sometimes, which is not a lot. Tobirama is used to co-lead the Senju clan. Ofc he has work in the Tower, but Hashirama bullies him out of there at the end of the work day to go home to his husband.

But Madara barely acknowledges him? I think the reason for it was bc Tobirama kept addressing to him as 'Lord Husband' and Madara was REALLY weirded out by that and Tobirama's eagerness not just to be some kind of chill roommates, but an actual spouse. He thought there was some kind of motive for it, but he couldn't find it

It gets better after Hashirama visits Tobirama in his new house and Tobirama, tired of the constant stress and worry, just spills, read: almost fucking cries, ok brain ooc much? queen Tobirama never cry everything to his older brother how he's a horrible husband to Madara that he even made him sleep in another room and stuff. It was a cute scene: they sat on the sofa in Madara's house and Tobirama is tucked in Hashirama's side and they're hugging really close, bc Tobirama was really close to a meltdown and he needed a comforting scent of his family.

Hashirama was kinda dark-ish there, bc I remember him having vibes that he will kill Madara (like fr fr) when he gets the chance. He upsets his outoto - he gets killed. Fair, right?

Tobirama tells Hashirama, that no, you can't kill my husband just bc doesn't even like me.

Funny thing that Madara actually heard this talk (Tobirama didn't notice him bc he was already overwhelmed by his own feelings) and was like 'oh shit, he actually cares about these things???'

so yeah, angsty. I think I read a fic with same ish plot, but in my dream there was a big emphasis on how Tobirama really tries to be good for Madara and Madara is weirded out and never acknowledges their marriage

I think Tobirama had Hananaki in the end. Imagine dying by unrequited love bc your husband doesn't love you. Sad, angsty. Hurt/comfort (from Hashirama).

[bug-bites]

batfam beach episode?? real not clickbait no glue no borax??

cw: nothing! pure vacation beach fluff (p≧w≦q) also barely proofread,,,

pairing: gn!reader x batfam (NOT ALL AT ONCE.)

characters: dick grayson, jason babygirl todd, cassandra cain, tim drake, damian wayne (all intended to be interpreted as either romantic or platonic unless its damian. ik in some comic runs he's like an adult but hes like permanently 12 in my head and i dont fw that :/)

a/n: im back with a new dc obsession tee hee (soz to everyone who wanted more abt the cod guys or spiderverse im comicsmaxxing and redhoodpilled) will probably make a part 2 w/ bruce, babs, steph, and duke eventually :3c

Dick Grayson haha dick

oh he loves the beach so much

the sand beneath his feet make him feel nostalgic from when he would practice tumbling with his parents in the circus ring i think there's sand in circus rings right? I dunno someone fact check me on that one

the victim of being buried in the sand, always asks for a mermaid tail but ends up with something like massive sand tits (courtesy of either tim or jason), he laughs it off anyways

somehow gets the worst tan lines. He wore a swim shirt one time and never again because the tan lines looked SO BAD which is a total shame because he tans gorgeously

will beg to do play shoulder wars i have no clue if this is the right name, again fact check me for this thing where you get a piggyback ride from someone and you try to knock someone whos also getting a piggyback ride over in the water

you’re on his shoulders since bro is strong asf and you square up against tim and damian

obviously you lose because hello that's damian wayne we are talking about but at least its fun!!

cass and jason are forever the undefeated champions of shoulder wars though, that goes without saying

Cassandra Cain

shes always seen beach episodes in animes that damian practically dragged her into watching so when she gets to actually go to a beach she is so excited peak sibling bonding is dragging your siblings into your interests

loves building sandcastles and writing things in the sand, watching it get washed away, and then do it all over again

hold her hand and jump over waves together on the shore and she will be the giggliest and happiest human being alive on planet earth

but out of all the beach activities she loves beach volleyball

shes actually scarily good at beach volleyball for someone who has never played volleyball before

dick thought it would be fun to teach her and have a friendly match between him and bruce vs you and cass

yeah bruce and dick were COOKED. huffing and puffing like they have a vendetta against the three little pigs at the end of it while cass is like “this is so fun, lets go again!”

ends the day with a little sunset stroll along the shore i need her so bad you do not understand please bbyg ill treat u soooo well

Jason Todd

beaches are fun on paper for him, in person not so much

PERSONAL HC INCOMING! He gets migraines after the lazarus pit so he can only have so much fun before needing to lie face down with his head covered with a beach towel to make everything less overwhelming or he wears sunglasses the entire time

he brings a book to read at the beach and stays in the shade the entire time yes he is that bitch

usually at home in the comfort of his little library he likes to read things that have an impact on him or just stuff that makes him want to analyze deeper. think books like frankenstein, lord of the flies, all quiet on the western front, just generally heavier stuff

but his vacation books? totally different. usually something super light, maybe a shitty romance book that you find in walmart which are clearly just results of book packaging, or a some booktok recommendation he got for shits and giggles because it just was so laughably bad, maybe even a childhood feel-good book like percy jackson or the little prince (mostly just books he would not grieve over if sand permanently got in between the pages)

he tried reading a colleen hoover book once and honest to God wanted to toss it into the ocean HE WOULD HATE HER BOOKS AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

but out of everything he likes watching you enjoy yourself, his book wasnt that important anyways. show him that funky sand dollar you found or that really cool piece of seaglass, he’s probably gonna bring it home with him. a little keepsake along with the millions of grains of sand that never seem to go away

Tim Drake

Burns so easily

At first its kinda cute, like hes asking you to help him get that spot on his back he just cant seem to reach and its just a little sweet moment between you two as you rub the sunscreen into his sore muscles

But then it happens again. And again. And again to the point when he goes up to you, you automatically reach for the tube of SPF 100+ 

I just know his vitamin d deficiency goes crazy

Leaves the beach looking like a lobster, sunburnt, a crazy bump on his head from getting hit with a volleyball, and some god awful sunglasses tan lines

Overall, beach activities are not really his thing bros job is NAWT beach

Enjoys the boardwalk a lot more than the beach itself, likes the touristy stuff but still goes to the beach because dick loves it and he loves his older brother :(

Damian Wayne

i feel like he wouldn’t care too much for typical beach stuff. like at every beach that has sand and decently clean water you can do most beach activities

one thing that is never 100% consistent at all beaches is what lives on the beaches. this boy will spend hours staring into tidepools 

bruce was lowk concerned because his son did not gaf about normal beach activities that kids do but eventually he reached a point where he was like "i mean at least hes having fun and being safe"

i feel like talia would always show him books of sea creatures when he was little but he never ended up being able to see them in their natural habitat someone take this boy to an aquarium now

tells you fun facts about each creature you come across

will scold you if you take a shell from the beach, definitely says some shit like “how would you feel if someone ran into your house and just took your bed?”  based though, leave shells at the beach yall! taking them is like bad for the ecosystem

brings his notebook around and has little sketches of the sea creatures

even though typical beach activities arent his favourite, he doesnt hate it. he likes that he can catch a break from all the vigilante stuff and spend time with his family as a family and not just as a team

loves scuba diving. idk it just somehow makes sense and i think he would look really stupid in a wet suit

also i feel like he would never mention it but in his mind hes fully thinking "this is just like a beach episode" but he would rather die than say it out loud FUCKING NERDDD

[rqbossman]

I found out about tma from my friend because he asked me to make an edit of michael distortion and got into it a few months later. I LOVE TMA. I mostly listened to the whole thing three times when I was mostly offline because I have the 200 episodes downloaded on YouTube and now I'm finding out that there's some stuff I missed, there's bloopers, q&a and I was in the wiki because i wanted to see how many times the admiral was mentioned and theres one what the ghost episode? IM GOING INSANE. I love tma. I think it's rotting my brain... it's everywhere, it's in my veins. I need to know everything but when I try to search these things up on YouTube it only shows me rusty quill gaming which I will be watching later but where do I find the other stuff where is the best place to listen to tma and find every extra lore even if it's just the tiniest squeeze of lore? I need to know y'all really did an amazing job with tma, I don't think I'm ever going to get tired of listening to it. I need to relisten to it before hell— I mean... School starts again. Lord save us for another year of merciless torture. Also I was trying to type this fast and forgot to say hi. hi Mr Alex, I hope you're having an amazing day/night when you see this. I promise to listen to all the podcasts rusty quill has after I learn every little squeeze of tma lore. Where is the best place to listen to and learn every little squeeze of information of all of rusty quill podcasts? (I absolutely did not install Tumblr just to ask this what do you mean 😓😓😓)

Lovely to hear from you and thankyou for the kind words. To list good locations for TMA Lore: 1) The podcast feed is obviously first port of call and includes some bonus materials between seasons 2) Our Patreon has an absolutely enormous amount of content in there now and I believe it should at this point be organised into collections so you can just look up TMA and it's all there for you (although that is behind a paywall) 2) Any video QNA's/events etc. not included in the main feed should be on our twitch channel. 3) Rustyquill.com has various links dotted around that have snippets too 4) The fan wiki is a very strong resource. Like any wiki there is the odd error here or there but for the most part its astonishingly accurate and detailed. 5) Special mention to whoever keeps our TV Tropes pages up to date. It was when I saw a proper entry for The Magnus Archives on that site that I actually started to call myself a "proper" writer.

[chaosisalwayscrying]

NSFW ABC’S

⇥ synopsis : nsfw abcs for chris (my man)

⇥ warnings : smut/suggestive themes

⇥ extra : this is also late but my mom has not left me alone long enough to actually write these on time 😭😭

⇥ masterlist !

⇥ taglist !

A = Aftercare (what they're like after sex)

   hes so good at aftercare!! like he is so so gentle. asks before pulling out and SPRINTS to get a rag to clean you up with, or if youd prefer he turns on the shower and helps you get clean before dressing you

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's)

   chris loves his hair, he loves how you tug on it as hes eating you out, and he loves the way you play with it when hes draped on your chest

    chris loves your ass and hips. he loves the way your ass jiggles when you walk up the stairs from his room, loves the way it bounces when you ride him, and he loves seeing his handprints on it

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

   never used condoms, youve been on bc since chris suggested starting to have sex. he obviously asked you about condoms multiple times in the middle of sex, scared youd changed your mind and he just forgot (bless his heart)

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

   LOVES LOVES LOVES when you blindfold him. loves not knowing whats gonna happen, he also loves how it heightens his other senses

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)

   had 2 bodies before you, so he had some experience under his belt, but he still asked you what you were comfortable with

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

   doggy and reverse cowgirl. backshots are his absolute favorite thing ever because he can easily smack your ass and grip your hips hard as hell. he also loves watching your ass bounce as you bounce on him im reverse cowgirl, turns him on so bad

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

   nothing is serious to chris, hes cracking jokes left and right. only sometimes will he let it be more serious

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

   hes shaved not bald. has DEFINITELY let you use wax to make designs in his hair 😭😭

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

   can be romantic but doesnt do it often, hes not very good at it. praises you to the max to make up for it when hes trying to be more serious 😇

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

   he did it a LOT before you got together, but now that youre together he doesnt as much anymore. you do enjoy sending him nudes so he can send you videos of him jerking off in return tho

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

   mommy kink ‼️ he calls you ma outside of the bedroom anyway, but if hes feeling like being a sub hes whining out mommy every other word and LORD ITS HOT

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

   anywhere. if matt and nick are gone, hes a big fan of bending you over the kitchen table. in public he will literally follow you into the dressing rooms and press you up against the mirror

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

   literally anything. if its a serious situation hes not even thinking like that, but accidentally look at him the wrong way and hes hard, squat to get something, hes hard, change in front of him, hes hard. (bless his horny little heart)

N = No (something they wouldn't do, turn-offs)

   brat taming, doesnt like the idea of punishing you or having you act a certain way 24/7

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

   this man could happily spend a year of his life buried between your legs. will literally eat you out until youre spent beyond belief. he doesnt mind you sucking his dick but he would much rather have you bouncing on it.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

   fast and rough 95% of the time, but he can absolutely be slow and sensual if thats what you want. his pace depends all on you, you say go faster? hes going faster immediately. you say slow down? hes slowing down without a complaint and pressing a kiss to whatever bit of exposed skin he can

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

   LOVES LOVES LOVES QUICKIES. at a party? youre going to the first bathroom he can see without a line. at the mall? dressing room. at a restaurant? bathroom.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

   chris isnt opposed to experimenting, hes down to try most things once, but he does have a list of hard nos.

   however, he will take as many risks as he possibly can that youre ok with

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

   3 or 4, doing so many sports as a kid paid off because he has an insane amount of stamina. can go three rounds without even faltering, sometimes the fourth isnt possible cause he gets tired, but if hes REALLY horny he can go for four

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

   he owns none but you own a dildo and vibrator. he likes using them on you to tease you, and he likes watching them use them on yourself

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

   chris loves to tease but if he can see you arent feeling it he stops without you having to say anything (hes observed all your signs during and not during sex so he can read you like a book)

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

   sort of loud. if hes giving you backshots hes grunting and groaning but hes not being quiet about it, and if youre riding him, hes moaning and groaning and whining loud

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

   saw a tiktok about this couple doing a clone-a-willy, and very eagerly asked you if you would what that 😭 (clone-a-willy is this thing where you make a silicone mold of your dick and mail it to the company to make a dildo out of and they send it back)

X = X-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)

   CHRIS IS THICK. he isnt too long but the thickness makes up for it. definitely needs to stretch you before even thinking about putting his dick in you 😭

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

   9/10, dude is ALWAYS HORNY, but he knows when to be serious and can go from 9/10 to 0/10 real quick

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

   falls asleep so fast, but he would never let himself fall asleep before you were both back in bed and comfortable.

⇥ TAGS !

@sturnioloshacker @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @hertvgirl @cupidzsq @sturnnie @leah-loves-lilies @billkaulitz0630 @sturniolololover @stqrnstars @cicicinquistausa @tylerthecreatorsrealwife

[dvrylgal]

⋆༺𓆩 kehetu: chapter six 𓆪༻⋆

synopsis: you and daryl take some time to get to know each other while searching for sophia... and you both are quick to realize that the other isn't exactly all bad

cw: canon typical violence, gore, profanity, mature themes, cannibalism (zombies), zombies (obviously), racism (Merle), reader is black, reader is from jersey, reader is a mechanic, reader was raised native (ish), reader's a bit of an atheist

"So..." Daryl started, tightly gripping his crossbow as you both led the pack through the woods. "There any reason why you some sort of G.I. Jane?"

Confused, you cocked a brow, turning to him.

"'Scuse me?"

But he doubled down.

"You," he emphasized, plainly. "You got a city accent... but ye move like ye been raised out 'ere."

He sized you up, expectantly.

"I wanna know why."

You sighed, glancing around at the trees.

After leaving Dale and T-Dog behind to watch the RV, the group set off to widen the search.

You all managed to come across an empty, chiming church—save for a few walkers—and a graveyard in your travels; but no Sophia.

Just to be sure, Rick, Shane, and Carl hung back at the church to see if Sophia would come to the noise, while you and Daryl ushered the others forward to continue.

Which led you to this surprisingly normal conversation.

"I grew up in Jersey," you started with a grunt, stepping over a large log. "Spent my younger years runnin' amok... till I got shipped off to reform school in Georgia."

Using your hunting knife, you cut away some brush, slashing and slicing away some of the thinner branches.

"Made it 'bout a year before they kicked me out... and by then my folks wanted nothin' to do with me," you chuckled, dryly. "So I ran... hid from Social Services until I stumbled across a man."

Daryl raised a brow.

"A man?"

You nodded.

"Kehetu... native guy, Comanche..." you smiled, thoughtfully. "He took me in... brought me back to his cabin... raised me in the Georgia wilderness."

Daryl chuckled, things finally starting to click.

"'Splains all the yellin'," he nodded, glancing down at the ground.

"War whoop," you corrected, a small smirk rising to your lips. "Calls on strength."

"An' makes yer enemy shit their pants."

You snorted, shoulders bobbing with laughter.

"Yeah... that, too."

Deciding to take a page out of your book, he whipped out his knife as well, swiping at the overgrown leaves.

"But what was he doin' all the way over here?" he asked. "Thought all the Indians lived out west or sum?"

You shrugged, quickly scanning over another possible trail.

"He never told me," you answered, plainly. "Mentioned once that he had family in Oklahoma... but didn't get much into it... think it was a sore spot for 'im."

Pausing a moment, you turned to him, scolding.

"And it's Native-American, man."

"Native... Indian... same difference."

"It really isn't."

"What? Ye talkin' bout the lil' guys wit' the dots on their heads?"

"Please... stop talkin'."

"M'just sayin'..."

Just then, Andrea grabbed Carol's hand, comfortingly.

"We're all hoping and praying with you... for what it's worth," she assured.

Daryl scoffed, stopping in his tracks before turning around.

"I'll tell you what it's worth," he sucked his teeth. "Not a damn thing."

"Dixon," you hissed, not wanting him to make it worse.

"It's a waste of time—all this hopin' and prayin'," he pressed on, not a doubt in his mind. "'Cause we're gonna locate that little girl. And she's gonna be just fine."

Quickly, his eyes scanned over everyone's face, huffing out another scoff.

"Am I the only one zen around here? ...Good Lord."

Turning around, he trudged back to the front, and you leveled Carol with a comforting look before following him.

He may be a little rough around the edges... but he was sweet.

In his own feral, Daryl-esque way.

He was plenty assuring and supportive when it counted, this—along with his words from last night—forcing you to really think on and reevaluate your previous judgement of him.

'Maybe there's hope after all...'

"How much farther?" Lori asked, picking up next to you.

"Not much. Maybe a hundred... hundred ten yards," you shrugged, slicing up a spider web.

"As the crow flies," Daryl added.

Andrea groaned, trailing a little ways behind, "Too bad we're not crows."

With the sun getting ready to set, you and Daryl thought it best to get the others back to camp; give them some rest before starting back up tomorrow.

Given how low morale was getting, you both figured it would do more harm than good continuing on from there.

But, of course, if it wasn't one thing... it was another.

Out of nowhere, Andrea let out a blood-curdling scream, making the lot of you nearly jump out your skin.

"Andrea?!" Lori panicked.

Whipping around, you turned to see the she was being pressed by a walker, her stabs to its chest doing nothing as it managed to get her down on the ground. 

You were moving before you could think.

Sprinting, you ran toward her, the others close in tow.

Besides the walker's snarls, you also heard a faint something beating against the ground from not too far away.

Like hooves...

Shaking your head, you focused up, drawing your tomahawk before winding up your throw.

"RAH!"

You chucked it with as much force you could muster, sending it soaring through the air with a sharp whoosh before punctuating the walker with a sick splat!

"Holy shit," Daryl marveled, wide eyed.

He'd be a bold-faced liar if he said he didn't find that hot... as fuck...

Andrea whimpered as she frantically crawled away, watching as the walker fell limply on the ground, dead.

"Lori?! Lori Grimes?!" a mystery woman exclaimed, suddenly riding over on her horse. 

'What the fuck?'

"Whoa. I'm Lori," Lori stepped forward, confused.

"Rick sent me! You've gotta come now!"

"What?"

"There's been an accident. Carl's been shot," the woman elaborated. "He's still alive but you've gotta come now!"

Shocked, Lori stood there for a moment, utterly dumbfounded.

"Rick needs you! Just come!"

Shrugging off her back, Lori dropped it on the ground, stepping forward to join her.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! We don't know this girl!" Daryl exclaimed, incredulously. "You can't get on that horse!"

"Rick said you had others on that highway, that big traffic snarl?" the woman asked, turning to the rest of you as Lori mounted. 

"Uh-huh," Glenn nodded, dazed.

"Backtrack to Fairburn Road. Two miles down is our farm. You'll see the mailbox. Name's Greene. Hyah!"

And just like that, she was gone, riding off with one of your own and leaving the rest of you standing in the clearing, clueless.

'...What the hell just happened?'

"I won't do it," Carol denied, shaking her head. "We can't just leave."

"Carol, the group is split. We're scattered and weak," Dale sighed, leaning against the door of the RV. 

"What if she comes back? And we're not here? ...It could happen."

"If Sophia found her way back and we were gone... that would be awful," Andrea agreed.

Nodding, Daryl rested his hands on his hips.

"Okay... we gotta plan for this," he started. "I say tomorrow mornin's soon enough to pull up stakes. Give us a chance to rig a big sign. Leave her some supplies."

Glancing toward the others, he scratched the back of his neck.

"I'll hold here tonight, stay with the R.V."

"If the R.V's staying, I am, too," Dale stated.

"Thank you... Thank you both," Carol smiled, softly.

Turning to you, Daryl quirked a brow, somehow already knowing your answer.

"I'm in," you crossed your arms over your chest.

"Well, if you're all staying, then I'm—"

"Not you, Glenn. You're going," Dale denied before he could even finish. "Take Carol's Cherokee."

"Me?" he scoffed, annoyed. "Why is it always me?"

"You have to find this farm, reconnect with our people, and see what's going on. But most important, you have to get T-Dog there."

Pausing, you all turned to the man, who was hunched over off to the side, covered in a thick blanket.

"This is not an option. That cut had gone from bad to worse. He has a very serious blood infection... Get him to that farm. See if they have any antibiotics because if not... T-Dog will die. No joke."

Just then, Daryl turned around, sauntering over to his bike and tugging off a greasy towel, before rummaging through his side bag.

Out of it, he yanked a plastic baggie full of medical-grade pills of varying caliber.

"Keep your oily rags off my brother's motorcycle," he ordered, shooting Dale a sharp look before plopping the bag down on the hood of a nearby car. "Why'd you wait til now to say anythin'? I got my brother's stash."

You scoffed, both amused and disbelieving.

Of course Merle had a secret stash of pills just lying around.

"Crystal... X, don't need that... some kick-ass painkillers... Oxycycline."

He tossed the bottle to Dale, plainly, as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

"Not the generic stuff neither. It's first class."

He picked up the baggie, moving to put it back with his things. 

"Merle got the Clap on occasion."

"You really think we're gonna find Sophia?" you asked, lowly, as you stepped around a tree root, gaze trained on the ground.

That night, Daryl had agreed to go searching the nearby woods with you, hoping to find that Sophia had managed to wander her way back.

But so far, you were coming up empty. 

Turning to you, Daryl flashed the light in your face, disbelieving.

"You got that look on your face... same as everybody else," he stated. "Hell's wrong with you people? We just started lookin'."

"Yeah, and things already ain't lookin' so hot."

"It ain't the mountains of Tibet, it's Georgia," he scoffed. "She could be holed up in a farmhouse somewhere... People get lost and they survive. It happens all the time."

"She's a twelve year old girl," you emphasized.

"Hell, I was younger than her an' I got lost. Nine days in the woods eatin' berries, wipin' my ass with poison oak."

'Christ...'

"They found you?"

He shook his head.

"My old man was out on a bender with some waitress. Merle was doin' another stint in juvie... didn't even know I was gone.

He shrugged, glancing down at the ground.

"Made my way back, though. Went straight into the kitchen and made myself a sandwich. No worse for wear... 'cept my ass itched somethin' awful."

You snorted, but quickly covered it up, guilt sinking into your chest.

"M'sorry," you apologized, lightly chuckling. "That's bad."

But he laughed along with, letting out a small sigh.

"Only difference is Sophia's got people lookin' for her... I call that an advantage."

Just then, a rustle sounded off not too far away, snatching both of your attention.

Without hesitation, you both readied your weapons, you drawing an arrow and Daryl taking aim with his crossbow.

Like a well-oiled machine, you both went back to back, not having to say a word as you both descended toward the disturbance, heading down the small decline.

Daryl scanned his flashlight over everything—the brush, the canopy, the roots—before he turned the corner, setting his sights on something hanging from a nearby tree.

"What the hell?"

Brows furrowed, you came out from behind him, only to find a snarling, chubby walker dangling from a branch.

"Got bit. Fever hit. World gone to shit. Might as well quit," he read the note stuck to the creature's chest, squinting in the darkness. 

"How poetic," you remarked, sarcastically.

"Dumbass didn't know enough to shoot himself in the head. Turned himself into a big, swingin' piece of bait... an' a mess."

"Probably ran outta ammo," you suggested, shifting your weight on your hips as you turned to walk toward a tree, drawing your tomahawk.

"I guess this is the closest he's been to food since he turned," Daryl continued, staring up at the thing. "Look at 'im. Hangin' there like a big piñata."

"You're real sick, y'know that?" you grimaced, chopping down a nice, long vine.

Moving his flashlight, he shined it on the walker's lower half, which was nothing but bone.

"The other geeks came and ate the flesh off his legs."

"TMI, Dixon..."

"Call it payback for laughin' 'bout my itchy ass."

"You were laughin', too."

"Yeah, yeah, c'mon," he chuckled, turning to you. "Les' head back."

"You're not gonna shoot it?" you asked, wrapping the vine around the handle of your tomahawk few times before tying off a knot.

"Nah. He ain't hurtin' nobody," Daryl shook his head. "Ain't gonna waste an arrow either."

"I can make you more."

"These are my metal ones," he denied, flashing his quiver. "He made his choice... opted out. Let 'im hang."

Starting off back the way you came, Daryl trudged past you, but you continued forward, approaching the trapped creature.

Stopping in his tracks, Daryl turned around, sizing you up with a raised brow.

Adjusting your grip on the handle, you gave yourself some slack on the vine, tucking your mini-flashlight in your mouth and aiming up at the walker.

It snarled and gnashed his teeth under the shine, swiping its arms in an attempt to grab you.

'Easy... it'll be over soon...'

Winding up, you swirled the tomahawk in your grasp before throwing it like you did earlier.

And it was a direct hit.

Instantly, the walker was put down, your ax sticking out of its half caved-in head as it finally fell limp.

Shifting slightly, you grabbed onto the vine, gripping it tight before giving a harsh tug, snatching your tomahawk back and catching it.

Grinning, you turned around with a satisfied air, only to find Daryl staring at you with a look you'd never seen before.

You were something else...

"What?" you asked, scrunching your nose in confusion.

But he shook his head, biting back a smile as he turned around.

"Nothin'... les' get back to camp."

[jules-makes-stuff]

Been seeing ppl on reddit argue about magic in fantasy for a while and I don't want to lose 3 hours bickering over there but I have *thoughts*

By now hard and soft systems are pretty well known but people ague againt hard systems because it "takes away the, well, MAGIC of magic". I think people aren't considering tone and the overall goals of a work and are conflating personal taste with truth again.

In my mind it really depends on the above though. Say you are Hoffman writing The Golden Pot. You want your work to be dreamlike, ethereal, like a half remembered song. Everything operates on dream/fairytale logic and emotion is reality. You should absolutelt NOT explain magic. It should be a strange force adhering only to narrative and emotional forces.

If you are writing a magical realism piece, like One Hundred Years of Solitude, the magic again is there to emphasize the absurdity of reality people at the time faced. Explaining anything takes that away. Same with horror or something like Metamorphosis. You don't know why this is happening and that means you cannot stop it or it doesn't matter how it happened, only the consequences.

Then there are more classical fantasy stories like Lord of the Rings. Magic is something ancient and grand and mysterious.... and none of the hobbits have it besides stray magic items. That is what people miss, I believe, when using this example. Gandalf isn't our pov character. Most characters there do not have magic or only have limited magic w very specific limitations, tools essentially. So we can follow along and anticipate how these will be used. There is big, scary, unknown magic, but it is usually something used by the opponents or characters that come in and out of the narrative. And I think that's a good balance! Its fine that we dont know the science of magic, because we understand enough when we need to, we can make predictions and there is enough wiggle room for something like Gandalf the White to happen. A looot of fantasy had followed this setup: the mc has only a few well defined spells and magic items, the world has more deep magic.

But, I personally do like harder magic, if the mc is supposed to be a wizard (or the equivalent). I would call most battle shonen hard magic (I think this is where ppl might want to kill me) becauss in a good battle shonen we know what everyone can do and we can plan along with the characters and predict how the fight will go. When a problem is solved in an interesting way we can go "I should have seen that comming!"

In BAD versions people yell really loud and whoever yells loudest about friendship (once we wasted enough screentime to call the third act done) wins. And this here is my problem. Because I have seen stories where characters do the same with magic and it breaks my immersion. When magic used by the mc can suddenly do anything and everything what is the point? I'm no longer following a story w interesting twists and turns, Im waiting for the author to say "ok thats enough we can push the win button now". And listen, obviously its a made up story, none of this is real or matters, but its the authors job to keep the illusion alive that it isnt.

This is different from creating a mcguffin that can do anything once and having a quest about it, there getting the item is the challenge, not using it.

And a system being hard doesnt mean we need to know the science behind it, just that we need to know what it can do and the limits. In avatar they can manipulate the elements w martial arts. Period. Why? How? The spirits said so. Most ppl fuck up hard magic imo by starting to write a thesis about magical physics or overcomplicating it instead of taking 1 simple idea and exploring all the cool things that it can do. Witch Hat feels super magical and yet all there is to magic is drawing magic circles and we actively learn how to draw them in the series and the way the characters problem solve w magic and their try-fail cycles are super fun!

The point of this ramble is that I need structure that fits the narrative goals of the work. If we're doing a dream like narrative throw away explanations. If Im a wizard playing mind chess w other wizards you better tell me what chess pieces we have.

[cicobuffs]

I need more preachers son Art or I'll combust, it's so good

omg hi!!! thank u so much, im glad ur liking my stuff!!!! ill give u a little something to tide u over while i work on other things :)

i think a big thing for art between masses, church choir practices, and tennis was music: or really the music that he grew up with via his mom. his father and mother are both equally as religious (what it takes to be a preachers wife obviously) but i feel like in this world, his mom had more of a chance to expand her horizons when it comes to popular culture than his dad (who i, also, imagine was the son of a preacher...something something...generational trauma...something something...). there was definitely a bit more freedom for her because i think she did grow up in the faith but not to the same degree as art's dad. they definitely met because his dad was a preacher for her church :P.

i think his mom was big on oldies like johnny cash, willie nelson, patsy cline, neil young, and the beatles. the beatles were only on certain occasions because she was probably more into the folk/country musicians rather than the bands of the whole british invasion. growing up, i can definitely see her putting on the oldies station on the radio when getting ready for church or cooking in the kitchen.

i can imagine art would've gotten a neil young cd (his album Harvest btw) for one of his birthdays and grinning ear to ear because he was always one of arts favorites when he was a kid. especially when we get to when art is older and in college, he still has the cd and plays it in your dorm when you invite him over one of the first few times you guys really start getting closer.

he knows every word to each song on the album: he's humming under his breath and mouthing the lyrics to Old Man while he listens to you talk about classes, your roommate, anything that comes to your mind. that's not to say he isn't listening to you because i know damn well he got insanely good at multi-tasking. what with listening to the same sermons over and over again and while, also, having other things to worry about that is just a bit more important than listening to his dad preach about "the lord preparing us" for something or other.

but yeah, i think he has an appreciation for music for sure and is always down to share music with you, especially if you share the same kind of background with the type of music that he grew up with. i can, also, see him burning you a cd at some point for the sake of sharing what he likes with you. mind you he definitely had to get someone to help him figure out how to do so because his access to the internet was scarily limited because of his dad (lest we forget about the "temptations of the flesh"). once he got the hang of it though, he was more than happy to run to your dorm so the two of you could listen together.

[humongousgothskeletonfarm]

TGR CHAPTER 22 THOUGHTS

and spoilers!!!

GUYS I THINK THIS IS THE LAST POST I JUST WANTED TO SAY IM GLAD THEY WERE SUCH A HIT AND U ALL LIKED THEM I RLLY THOUGHT IT WOULD BE SOMETHING THAT ONLY I WOULD SEE BUT IM HAPPY UR ENJOYING MY RAMBLING AND STUPID COMMENTS

- THEAS HERE???

- HOLY FUCK GUYS ANDREWS LETTING AARON DRIVE HIS CAR THIS IS CRAZY OMFG WHAT A DEVELOPMENT ARE WE ALL EXCUTED ABOUT THIS PROGRESS????

- NEIL CAUSING DRAMA FOR THEA AND NOT GIVING A SINGLE FUCK ABOUT EXPOSING THE FACT THAT THIS IS HER SECOND VISIT TO THEM IS SO FUNNY HES SOOOOO UNSERIOUS HE LEGIT JUST DIPS OUT LEAVING A TRAIL OF CHAOS BEHIND HIM

- “Not her first visit to the Foxhole Court,” the reporter guessed. ​“The court? Unknown.” Neil gave a careless shrug he immediately and obviously regretted.

THIS DAMN NEAR SENT ME INTO HYSTERICS HIS NUMBER ONE HOBBY WAS NEVER EXY IT WAS ALWAYS FUCKING WITH REPORTERS THATS HIS TRUE LIFE CALLING

- good lord i fucking despite jeremy’s family. i hope he can get out of there soon i rlly do

fuck u warren

- cat and jeans matching bikes i love them😭

- jean being so proud of his bike is everything and so is jeremy saying “Jean was more interesting by far.”

- JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ANOTHER RAVEN IS DEAD. this is actually just sad.

- ANOTHER TWO? one of them being cody’s cousin which icl i completely forgot about BUT WHAT WHY TF WAS NOBODY KEEPING AN EYE ON THEM

- laila riding a motorcycle to get to jeremy coz he needed her :(

- “She was saying something about loosening every screw on Bryson’s desk and chair.” CATALINA ALVAREZ PLS MARRY ME UR SO FUNNY AND COOL IM SO IN LOVE WITH U

nora if ur listening i am currently requesting a neil, jean, cat teamup. they could be unstoppable!

-“But I will choose you every time. You, and Cat, and Laila, every time. I will lose them all if I must.” GUYSSSSSS DONT PLAY WITH ME RN THIS MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME. JEREMYS HEART JUST EXPLODED BTW IDK IF YALL CAUGHT THAT

CHAPTER TWENTY THREE

- istg, nora making jean ride a motorcycle was one of her best decisions. i never would’ve expected it and i love it. i wish i was as cool as jean

- oh ew that’s so fucking disgusting. poor lyle.

- “Some of it… It was very long and very boring.” — me when i’m asked if a read the terms and conditions to literally anything

(sorry, now isn’t the time or place to be joking)

- “It is hideous, but it is better than wearing black.” ohhhhh he’s SO bold now,, i remember a time when jean moreau would’ve never dared to every think that let alone tell a raven that. he’s progressed so much 😭

- “Thank you for visiting. It is a rare treat to see Jeremy happy.” guys stop i love william actually he’s an honorary member of the group now

- “If she doesn’t know you enough to trust you now, she never will.” “You don’t know that.”

he said what he said, clock it jean! nah in actuality this shit is so sad poor jere constantly fighting for his mothers approval, going along with her demands to please her rather than doing what’s best for him. he keeps trying, keeps pushing himself for a shred of her love :(

- jean 🤝 neil: having the most boring fucking favourite colours

(i can’t judge i always say black)

- “Brown like the gaze that sought Jean out in every room, but that last thought wasn’t one he could linger on.” KICKING MY FEET RN GUYS

- the daffodil artwork :(

- jean brushing his fingers through lailas hair because he knows it is a sign of affection between the girls and he knows laila needs some comfort. when will nora stop inflicting this pain upon me

- TANNER IS JEANS DUCKLING

- “He slowly separated her hair into sections. It’d been years since he’d done this for Elodie; he could barely remember how it was supposed to go. He tried and failed and tried again, until he got far enough to understand what he was doing.” DO I HIGHLIGHT THIS YELLOW FOR HAPPY AND SWEET SCENES OR BLUE FOR MADLY DEPRESSING SHIT????

- “But the braid in his hand was a rope back to sunlight and solid ground” they’re his safe place :(

- “She prayed for a dragon to save her.” ​Laila’s tone was gentle, like she thought he’d retreat if she spoke too loudly. “Not a prince?” ​“A dragon could tear our house apart to free her and carry her far away.” OH NORA STOP UR JUST TORTURING ME AT THIS POINT LET ME LIVEEE

- “He had a feeling he knew the answer, but it worth a try anyway: “Peaches are trees?” Her nod had him grumbling discontent into his water” bruh he’s so fucking cute i wanna squish his face

- what’s the bet that now that jean has agreed to a dog, the dog they end up getting loves jean the most out of all of them (jean will slowly warm up to it)

CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR!!!!!

- “You don’t even have a bed yet,” Jean complained. ​“I have a face she can—” you have a what sorry cat??? i think u got cut off at the end there

- jeremy being so excited for the dog is fucking adorable

- JEAN HAVING A STARING COMPETITION WITH A DOG, LOSING, AND THEN RESORTING TO TELLING THE DOG HE DOESNT SEE THE APPEAL IN HIM IS SO HILARIOUS HES SUCH A BITCH

HES FULLY BEEFING WITH A GERIATRIC DOG RN CALLING IT OUT FOR ITS HYGIENE AND GETTING OFFENDED FHAT IT MIGHT UNDERSTAND FRENCH

NOW HES TELL THE DOG ITS PARENTS ABANDONED IT

“Maybe it perfectly timed its own to his and that was why he always missed it.” i think this is paranoia jean, the conspiracy theories r a step too far

“Jean stared it down, refusing to lose to a beast he could easily shove inside his backpack. He lost” genuinely might have to be the funniest part of the whole book

- Jean v Rex the saga continues: jean bullies rex over his name. jean is clearly more affected as rex is a dog and cannot understand english. “He is not a dinosaur”

- “studying Jean’s face like the secret to the universe was just out of reach.” oh!

- “He’s asleep.” ​“He’s faking it,” Jean said. ​“He likes you,” WHAT DID I TELL U

- “We do not,” Jean corrected him, but both men ignored him.” jean getting ignored by dogs and humans alike today

- “He almost asked, then decided he didn’t need to give the impression he cared.” yessss jean! ur so nonchalant rn i promise.

- “Embrace fatherhood.” nothing to say just that this whole chapter had me so delighted. a very welcome tone change from everything else that had just happened

- “Not for me, Jean warned himself, but for one moment, just this moment, he would let himself pretend.” AHHHHHH GUYSSSS ITS HAPPENINGGGGGGG

AND THATS A WRAP GUYS WTF THANK U FOR JOINING ME ON THIS JOURNEY I HOPE U HAD FUN. THE BOOK WAS GREAT THANK U MS NORA SAKAVIC AS ALWAYS. ILL SEE U ALL AGAIN WHEN BOOK THREE IS OUT!!! IM GONNA GO READ SOME FANFIC NOW

[knightsickness]

general q: how much do you think people factor in race to the way they view Criston on the show? i hope i dont sound ignorant but when i see him i perceive him as a (conventionally attractive) white man, and so sometimes i have to remind myself of asoiaf racial connotations. obviously real life race and ethnicity is much more complicated then this, but in the show it seems like his race is only brought up for gwayne to macro-aggress him. also for context i am brown and very visibly so, so that might affect my viewing of this

superr interesting question thank you. i think part of why it comes up infrequently is bc everyone in the main cast has known him for twenty years and is used to him it would be weird if aemond suddenly mentioned criston being dornish having known him for literally his entire life. much has been made by other people about how rhaenyra assuming he’d be fine with an extra-marital affair reflects in-universe stereotypes about dornishmen i think that was pretty unintentional on the writers’ part but that doesn’t mean it isnt there. i also think criston doesnt consider himself dornish/would like people to forget he is. combination of him not self-identifying as dornish ever, the emphasis he places on him fighting against the dornish incursions, and the decision to have a) lord dondarrion who criston’s family serves be one of rhaenyras suitors b) his main argument for why hed be a good match be about how well-situated blackhaven is to fight against the dornish and c) criston not acknowledge him at all i feel like blackhaven was a not-great place to look dornish. i understand your point about him being white-passing though considering they’ve had several characters see him and immediately identify him as dornish without being told i do think in-universe he is meant to be visibly dornish

given westerosi racial politics in the main series + the rest of targaryen history (racism against dornish people at court a non-insignificant cause of the later blackfyre rebellions, motivation enough for lords to back the previous king’s bastard over a king who had a half-dornish heir) ⬇️

it feels like if anything the greens’ kingmaker and aegon’s hand being dornish when dorne is still considered a dangerous foreign power immediately next to the six kingdoms (+ an enemy of house targaryen specifically) should come up more especially after the propaganda war starts in earnest. though im aware the doylist reason they dont do this is having anyone affiliated w team black saying ‘you’re going to support the greens when one of their leaders is a dornishman? you want the martells to take over westeros?’ to sway racist lords to their cause would make rhaenyra look bad

[koilaniazul]

why not me? (pt 2)

pairing- matt sturniolo x fem!reader

summary: matt confronts y/n and it turns into a confession. but of course, these things don’t always have a happy ending.

warnings: swearing, angst, matt is a meanie once again

go check out part one!

after seeing matt’s date, you felt empty. the boy you had loved for years had just slipped from your fingers.

he didn’t even text. or call. hell, he could’ve sent a damn pigeon and you would’ve jumped for joy.

but no, he just ghosted you. that wasn’t like him.

the entire time you were in your house you stalked eiliana. her instagram, her tiktok, her threads account, her moms facebook account. you found out she has an onlyfans. (that she barely even posted on.)

*she’s not good for matt.* you thought to yourself

you hadn’t got up from your bed in DAYS. and the dishes + smell in your room was a dead giveaway.

on the 5th day you unltimately decided it was time for self care.

you got up from your bed and felt disgusting. gathering all the takeout boxes and bowls with living organisms inside them, you stuffed them in the dishwasher as well as taking out the trash.

pulling off your dirty and crumb filled sheets and putting them in the washer, disinfectant over EVERY surface in your house.

hopping into the hot shower and letting out a soft moan feeling the anxiety and overwhelming stress wash away.

standing in your towel you looked at your phone, an instagram notif popped up.

a message. from matt.

he wanted..to talk? he wanted to talk. matt wanted to talk. and he was coming over in 10 minutes.

reality suddenly hit ur brain as you hopped out of the bathroom and quickly got dressed into the most decent fit you could find.

ur hair was still wet and you barely had time to put makeup on.

matt was coming over and you looked like a wet abandoned dog.

putting on perfume you heard your doorbell ring.

oh shit.

halfway sprinting to the door you opened it as your heart stopped.

there stood matt who you hadn’t seen in weeks.

and he looked so good. even his outfit looked so fine.

you checked him out without shame and he noticed.

clearing his throat, the boy looked her in the eyes. “can..i come in?” he asked a bit unsure.

stepping out of your trance, you looked up at matt with doe eyes. “yeah..yeah sure”

matt carefully stepped inside and took his shoes off as you walked into your living room.

sitting on the couch you patted the spot next to you for him to sit down.

he sat down and avoided eye contact.

deciding to break the quietness, you spoke.

“so, why are you here? missed me that much?” you asked slightly laughing.

he didn’t return the laughter. matt side eyed you as he spoke, “i think you know why im here y/n”.

your smile faded. “i don’t know..”’. as much as you hated lying, you didn’t want to talk about what happened.

matt’s jaw clenched in anger. “ what do you mean?! you showed up at my date with my girlfriend!”.

girlfriend? there’s no way he was dating her already.

you stood up. “are you serious matt? you’ve only known her for like a week!”.

matt’s eyes widened as he stood up as well. “you can’t be talking right now. why are you so interested about how long i’ve known eiliana?! if you need to know we’d been talking for like months before!”

you scoffed. but as you tried to speak again he cut you off. “matt- no y/n shut the fuck up! you’re crazy. eiliana literally complained to me that she was scared of you because you kept stalking her profiles every.single.day.”

your mouth went dry. you forgot to hide your own profile.

“you’re supposed to be my best friend! not some psycho who’s literally joe goldburg.” matt says obviously stressing

“well i cant just be your friend matt!” you yelled. you didn’t think before you spoke. *shut up y/n* you thought to yourself

matt looked even more confused than he was before. “why not?”

“because i fucking love you!” you cried out.

dead silence.

you panted. suddenly out of breath.

you looked up at matt. his eyes darkened.

he.was.pissed.

“matt-“ you said trying to touch his arm

“don’t-don’t touch me!” he said taking two steps back from you

you jerked your hand back scared from his reaction.

“matt please listen to me!” you yelled, tears started to pool your eyes.

he looked up and scoffed. “no you don’t get to cry y/n. you don’t get to fucking cry after you stalked my girlfriend and showed up at our date.”

“i- i didnt even mean to!” you stuttered. “i only left my house because you stood me up!”

matt rolled his eyes. “so what? i went on a date with a girl. you’re being a sensitive bitch.”

“why are you being such a dick right now?! this isn’t the matt i know!”

“oh yeah because you know me so well. matt said with a hint of sarcasm. “you don’t know me at all!”

you started to sob now. “matt-matt please!”

he walked to your front door. “i can’t be here.”

you panicked and sprinted to the front door, blocking him from leaving.

“let’s talk! please.” you begged desperately.

he finished putting his shoes on. “out of my way.”

your breath hitched. “matt.”

he sighed. “we can’t do this y/n. this isn’t healthy.”

confusion reached your face. “what are you talking about..?”

“we can’t be friends anymore.”

your heart dropped. “h-huh?”

he rubbed his temples “that’s why i came over here anyway. eilana and i had talked about it before i drove over. she suggested it and i think it’s a good idea.”

tears rolled down your face. “you’re one of my best friends i cant lose you!”

“ my girlfriend is terrified of you, and you clearly need help, please move out of the way y/n”

you gave up.

moving out of the doorway, matt opened the door and stood in the door frame.

“you know, i wanted to introduce her to you. i thought you two would be good friends. guess not. see you around”

he shut the door as you heard his footsteps walk away.

you tried to cry but you couldn’t.

you were so tired.

only one thought circled your head.

why not me?

❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥

𝗄𝗈𝗂'𝗌 𝗒𝖺𝗉𝗉𝗂𝗇𝗀 ↷

BYEE WHY DOES THIS SUCK ASS

anyway.. i did not mean to make matt this mean. welp!

ALSO TELL ME WHY I SPELT EILANA THREE DIFFERENT WAYS

please tell me if you find any mistakes!

ok bai love ya ꨄ

⇡⇡⇡⇡⇡⇡⇡⇡⇡⇡⇡⇡⇡⇡⇡⇡⇡⇡⇡⇡⇡⇡⇡⇡⇡⇡

[dalliesque]

Pottery 🍃

📺 Date

vid by @blonde-riwoo

pairing: bf!leehan × fem!reader

genre: established relationships, fluFF, a bit silly aswell

warnings: kisses, mention of food, and leehan is sUper flirty ++ teases you a lot. (you call him both leehan and donghyun.) not proofread, made this at 3 am 😙✊️.

#yuxi babbles𓂃: I need kim leehan so bad, i can just imagine him being so flirty with his s/o. Lord please let me be that someone. 😞😔.

"don't you think we look good togheter? like-"

"leehan are you seriously hitting on me." you cut his sentence, crossing your arms, your face forming a slight frown.

"obviously? let's go on a date hmm.." leehan gave you a nonchalant shrug, he kiss the crown of your head, drapping an arm over your shoulder slyly.

"leehan i swear.. im not going on a date with you, end of discussion." nudging him slightly in the side, you gave him a look of disapproval.

"babe.. please?" leehan pouts, forced to let go his arm, he now trails you around. ignoring his pout you unlocked the door of the shared apartment, before finally responding to his whines.

"we have so much things to do donghyun, i already told you our plans this week. we can't fit a date in."

leehan whine once again following you like a lost puppy. "but- but the last time we went on a date was 2 weeks ago! how could you leave your boyfriend in a state like this."

you never thought his pout could've gotten a lot worse than before, but it definitely did. leehan looks like a duck right now, well a cute one of course.

"hyunie.. we've talked about this" you let out a sigh and made your way to the kitchen unloading your groceries, leehan not far behind. leehan bend down to your height, wrapping his arms around your waist and placing his head on top of yours, inhaling the smell of your shampoo. ahh.. ofcourse he have to pull out the big guns and lure you in with one of all the hundreds of his specialty. touch. leehan's touch is like magic, and he definitely knows that. he isn't the type to initiate affection, but at times like this?? oh boy..

"donghyun.." there you go it's now your turn to whine, wanting him to let go.

"no we're staying like this until you allow us both to go on a date." leehan spoke sternly, his breath brushing your ear ticking it slightly.

"fine." you slightly roll your eyes, focusing on whatever had to be done in the kitchen.

"leehan."

"whaat??"

"fine we're going on a date."

"y/n you're so bad at making a vase!" leehan laughing at you, you struggling to even make a good foundation for the vase. ahh what a amazing pottery date and such wonderful day. right? ... no? okay.

"babe! stop laughing!" you pout, and whine feeling embarrassed at his teases.

"look who's whining now hmm??" leehan tease you once again, letting out a chuckle of triumph one might say.

"here i'll guide you slowly." his chuckles slowly dies down as he approaches you, grabbing a seat behind your back. leehan scoots closer, with his two arms around yours, he guides your hands and help you with your clay problems.

"what a mess, tch tch." leehan laughs softly in your ear, shaking his head at your (mess)terpiece.

"i know, i know it's not my fault for not knowing how to do pottery right?"

"hmm i guess it isn't~"

"tch, donghyun!"

"yes baby?" leehan laughs slightly louder this time, in his eyes you were so cute! your face turning red, whether it was because you were annoyed or maybe shy. it doesn't matter, in his eyes he'll do anything to keep that flushed face available for him to see. even when it means you're annoyed at him.

"stop will you." you scoff lightly, your lips unconsciously forming a pout.

"fine~ i will." leehan finally tries to refrain himself from laughing even more. though.. of course he occasionally lets out a giggle once in a while at how cute you were to him. ofcourse it's only once in a while right?

you huffed a sigh, it's been what? an hour? maybe two? you don't know how long it's been, and you're tired. leehan wasn't giving you any mercy, maybe after you unknowingly forced him to whine a whole entire day just so you could fit a date to both of your schedules? regardless you're tired, the man behind you hasn't stop teasing you for hours on end. and the 'guide' he was offering? long gone.

"i surrender."

"what?"

"i surrender okay? whatever war we got going on, i admit my defeat." you leaned back and meet his chest, closing your eyes for awhile to take a break from all the teases and also.. the failed vase, your one and only (mess)terpiece.

"psshh you're weak babe." leeha rest his head on top of yours, the scent of your hair enveloping him like a tight and warm hug.

"and you're unbelievable annoying." you scoff opening your eyes to his, already staring back at you.

"not as unbelievable as your skill at making a vase babe, i finished hours ago." leehan giggles, dipping his head allowing both lips to interwine.you pull away,

your face now all smiley, "wow leehan, upside down kiss, very unique, very romantic we love, we stan!" you dramatically sang, teasing him.

"atleast you still got your 2 minutes kiss right?"

you leaned away from him, stretching your arms slightly. "well that, that one's true."leehan chuckle, helping you clean after yourself.l

cozy blankets, dim lights, jazz music in the background. what a perfect set up to end the day. here you both are, tangled up in your bed sharing thoughts about leehan's new addition to his fish childrens. "what's should we name him?" leehan softly asked stroking your arm as he wait for a reply.

"mari and we'll name the other fish ana"

"so.. mari and ana?"

"yes, try reading it fastly..."

"mari, ana.. mari, ana.. maria..na?"

you let out a soft laugh, looking up to meet his eyes.

"mari and ana for mariana trench!" you gave him a playful wink and rolled around, wrapping your arms around his sides.

"are you serious? tch mariana trench?" leehan gave you a look of disapproval, laying like a log pretending to be upset at your suggestion.

"well, you asked.. i delivered.. you're just jealous i am thAt good at naming our baby fishes." you tickle his side slightly, forcing a reaction out of him.

"awhh! ack! f- fine! you win! tch i can't believ we're going to name them mariana trench"

"well technically it's mari and ana trench" you giggle, leehan joining as well.

[lovelyrotter]

okay but i actually kinda wanna know ur take on stridercest being canon compliant O_O <- autism stare

oh hey i am also hitting you with the autism stare. ill try to get my thoughts down in a way that makes sense to more than just me hahaha

bear in mind that im an epilogue lover and i think Meat/Candy are really valuable pieces that further all of the characters and are also hard canon in the sense that we're looking at just 2 post-game universe outcomes out of an uncountable number (the book in the picnic basket representing post-canon fanfic). i think the characters actions in the epilogues make sense and are satisfying to me. yes even jane (i love alpha jane and i will not do her the disservice of 'cleaning her up' w/o showing her work for it. thats not how you depict a character who grew up with fascist programming). i could totally go on a whole tangent about this specifically but thats another post lol we'd be here forever and its also not stridercest

but okay. canon stridercest. under the cut cause it got kinda long

basically it has to do with the cherubs and how their relationships and mating rituals are pretty obviously incestuous leaning even though cherubs dont have the human concept of Siblings or blood family. the cherub who predominates will search across paradox space to mate with another cherub who closely resembles the cherub they predominated which is like textbook Freudian sexuality. theres a lot of Freud and Jungian stuff in HS imo even if im kinda [wobbly hand gesture] at the validity of these theories applied to real life and real people. but theyre super fun tools and lenses to use in fiction and i mean. gestures at all of dave

so the incest aliens cherubs. the whole reason why im talkin about them is bc Caliborn is so incredibly interested and invested in the Striders in particular. caliborn as both Lord English and Lil Cal shapes earth NOT OVERTLY but more so embeds himself in earth society, but again, the Striders lives in particular. dave is full of incest jokes. hes even apparently got a list of his friends arranged in order of how likely theyd incest-elope with each other (thank you epilogues for this amazing factoid). he seems to think about it often enough to, yknow, Do That. have a good solid think about that and construct an organized list about it. bearing in mind dave makes jokes about stuff thats a) bothering him, or b) generally camping out in his brain. hes not even really aware of it most of the time (as we see in one of the openbounds where hes all 'why am i thinking about puppets???' after seeing dirk for the first time in that dream bubble. he is thinking nonstop about dirk at that point and going off his only frame of reference for ANY dirk, which is his bro. his bro who was most likely deeply warped by Lil Cal)

sorry for the long blocky paragraph lol. but now onto the next thing

Caliborn as Lil Cal is the centerpiece in the beta strider apartment. dave cant escape him and beta dirk grew up with him. what the fuck do you do when youre childhood comfort item is also the most evil creature across all of paradox space? if youre a dirk you try to fight it. but how long can you keep fighting something like that. its safe to say that bro was affected by Caliborns particular brand of perversion and sfw kink. i dont think i have to say how insidious abusive and toxic he is about those things. and looking at the truth of beta bro (16yo alpha dirk) you can start to see just how warped beta bro became. beta bro is a false dirk (still a very Real dirk but not the Truth of dirk. beta bro has been toxified and made infinitely worse by an absolute evil influence over decades of life. in 80s fuckin texas. presumably in the system. anyone would be fucked up after that)

so for this analysis/theory im stating beta bro as a false persona. using jungian terms he is apha dirk's shadow

both dave and dirk live with a fake, carefully manicured version of their bros. they live with personas (or shadows of their guardians on the walls. hello platos allegory of the cave). they dont actually know e/o and they dont until the striunion

alpha dirk especially grows up embedded in the Public Persona Of Dave Strider 400 years post mortem and completely alone with unlimited internet access. hes a self admitted expert on his bro and we dont get to see a lot if any of his early childhood but i can hazard a guess at how much he clung to that persona of his bro. he fuckin idolizes dave. he LOVES dave. right off the bat he is in some kind of love with dave and i think if you try to argue against that then thats you slippin. i think youre a fool and have to reread homestuck because i wholeheartedly believe the striders loving eachother is part of the win state

once again this is speculation cause we get barely anything about alpha dave, but from what we already know about him im guessing this bro-persona is

achingly effortlessly cool

oozing masculinity (toxic or not, not really interested in categorizing that although toxic coolboy masculinity IS something the striders contend with & is an important facet in their lives)

a skilled fighter

a dedicated moviegoer (hes a director need i say more. this one is probably the only genuine thing about his on-screen persona)

and now lets look at jake. someone whos grown up on pretty much nothing but movies, whos doubtlessly been influenced by hollywood and its idea of gritty 'main character' masculinity through that, and who also clings to more old-school ideas of manliness (think victorian/edwardian era gentlemanly-but-loves-a-good-scrum kinda manly. moustache twirly with a monocle kinda manly. basically everything that grandpa harley is)

but okay lets look at what jake wants to be. lets take a look at his teenager persona

achingly effortlessly cool (his own 'hollywood star' kind of cool also def influenced by his favourite characters like lara croft who is indeed achingly cool. you see him succeed in inhabiting this hollywood star persona on earth c)

oozing masculinity (the old school manly mans-man kind)

a skilled fighter (two pistoles always. harder to aim cause you cant use a free hand to make up for kickback. that takes skill)

a dedicated moviegoer (again one of the only genuine parts about his persona. his questionable-to-wretched tastes aside. but bearing in mind that the SBaHJ movies are intentionally bad which is what makes them loop around to good. such is the nature of intentionally 'bad' art. jake fuckin lives in this perpetual bad-good art loop. okay enough with the art tangent keep focused man cmon)

because dirk has obviously way more contact with jake i dont doubt he sees through jakes own (admittedly way more flimsy) coolboy persona but the point still stands i think. different flavours but the same kinda guy. dirk has a type and i dont think its a stretch to say that hes looking for aspects of the bro-persona he grew up looking at in other boys, much like the winning cherub looking for the one they lost in the cherub theyll mate with

also wtf is with dirks obvious boner for dave chasing him across paradox space to decapitate him huh?? the last few sentences in Meat are about that very thing. he wants to fuc fight dave sooo bad. haha remember how the cherubic mating ritual is one of the most violent and long running spectacles in paradox space? i sure do

[your-local-hoemie]

I've genuinely never put in a request for something before so ur the first T.T

I was wondering, what would happen if you just wandered into scaramouche's room?

Im sorry if this is oddly specific, but I was hoping for a NS!FW M4M, possibly with Balladeer instead of wanderer, and if you do this thank you so much :))

NS!FW. 18+ ONLY!!!

OF COURSE!!!! Thank you for asking!!!!

You’ll have to forgive me if it’s not great. Even though I edge more towards masc im still not 100% sure how dudes work djdhdu

Also good lord, I went kind hard (hah) with this one, my cheeks were gLOWING while writing this. I’m never seeing heaven istg 💀

Edit: I accidentally went a little off script because I got extremely flustered so I’m sorry T-T

Warnings: ns!fw, dom!scaramouche (he needs his own warning), mild degradation, mean words, bratty behaviour, smug little shittery, lots of spicy words, swearing, male!reader, not proof-read.

Characters: scaramouche as: The ✨Balladeer✨

Scaramouche and you had a weird relationship.

No one knew whether you hated each other or if you were actually close.

Including you-

Sometimes you’d be at each other throat with any sharp object you could find and then the next, you’d be defending the other for whatever morally questionable crimes you had committed.

You happened to be one of the unfortunate fatui members that had been assigned to Scaramouche.

You don’t really know how he didn’t decide to murder you for your instinctive comebacks whenever he’d insult you.

He’s never admit it but he enjoyed having someone to banter with that wouldn’t immediately shit themselves the second he glanced at them.

Which is why you were now in his office for…

Well you didn’t really know.

He was busy doing paperwork that he was making extremely obvious that he hated every second of.

You were sitting in a chair across the room from him, equally as bored.

“So what exactly do you need me for… sir”

“To sit there and shut up.”

“…why?”

Letting out a sigh, Scara rolling his eyes, waving your questions off.

“You know, I’m supposed to be doing work. Going out, getting information, torturing, stealing, all the good stuff. Not sit in a room with a pouty brat-”

Clearing your throat, you suddenly realise what you had done.

Oh shit-

With a glare more threatening than a cryo mage in the rain. Scara placed his pen neatly down on the table, carefully organising the papers in front of him with sly grin.

Double shit-

“You know, you do a lot of talking for someone who can’t even handle to be alone in a room with their boss for more than an hour”

“Yeah well you’re not really the most enjoyable to be around…boss.”

The balladeers grin became even more sly as I pushed the chair away from his desk, standing up and taking a few steps forward, positioning himself right in front of you.

“I’ve had a very stressful day and I think I could use a little worshiping. Why don’t you use that mouth for something other than pathetic remarks, hm~?”

“Excuse me-?”

Without a hint of hesitation or shame, the harbinger placed his hand on your head. Most likely relishing the feeling of actually being taller than someone for once.

“Don’t act like our… banter doesn’t get you hard. I’ve seen the way you squirm when I get a little too close~”

Scaramouche pressed your head close to his crotch, speaking with a tone laced in sly smugness.

“I know you’ve imagined what I could do to you. I bet you even stroke yourself to the thought of me. Having the hand of a deity stroke you~”

Obviously he was right. Which just annoyed you even more, causing your pride to outweigh the sheer embarrassment coursing through your veins at his lewd words.

“You know how much shit you’d be in if I told anyone about this, right?

Scaramouche frowned at your remark, swiftly taking your chin in his hand and forcing you to look up at him.

“If a word of this leaves your mouth to anyone other than me, I will make you wish that I killed you. Understand me?”

Feeling your words catch in your throat, you give him a irritated nod, unable to fully deny how hot the whole situation was becoming.

“Good. Now, be a good for your god and worship me the way I deserve.”

Smirking down at you, Scara unbuttoned his shorts, letting his already hard dick bounce out against your face, making him sigh out in satisfaction.

“I always thought you looked so much better on your knee’s~ now suck.”

Blushing violently and not even able to deny how turned on you were, you locked eyes with The Balladeer and took him inside your mouth.

“Good boy~ just like that..”

Petting your hair with a surprising amount of gentleness, Scara pushed your head back and fourth, making you gag as his tip hits the back of your throat.

“Why don’t you touch yourself for me like the desperate, horny slut you are~”

Letting out a small, muffled whimper, you knew you were completely at his mercy as you couldn’t help but move your hand down, touching yourself as he commanded.

Scara thrust his hips more intensely, picking up his speed as moans and grunts escape his lips causing you to match his speed with your hand.

Feeling his hand grip tighter on your head, with one finally thrust and a loud groan of pleasure, scara finally released himself down your throat, pushing you over the edge as you coat your hand and pants in your load.

“Mmh! You’re such a good fuck toy,m. Now make sure to clean up the mess m’kay?”

Pulling out, leaving a messy string of saliva mixed with his load; Scara took a deep breath and returned to his paperwork like nothing happened, leaving you panting and and mess on the floor, still somewhat dazed.

“Y-yes…sir…”

HSIDUDICUIDJDIVUDO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

squeaks 👺👨‍🦽👹🧍