#like im genuinely unable to not order it

[brodorokihousuke]

sandwich shop near me sells a sub called the Apollo and like ngl it's kind of mid but ever since I found out about it (like 8 years ago) i've never ordered anything else. i can't let the bit die

[grugruel]

Save a Horse

Pairings: cowboy!bucky x f!reader

NSFW/MDNI

Masterlist

Summary: Its girls night out, but when you see a handsome cowboy, you have no other option than to take him for a ride.

Word count: 3.3k

Warnings: fluff, Pet names (girl, ma'am, doll, sugar (once), darling), slight praise, body worship, cowgirl, pinv sex, southern Bucky, cockwarming, creampie, sundress kink.

AN: I lied, I was so excited to write cowboy!bucky so I posted it first.

The sounds of heels hitting pavement surrounded me as I held the door to the bar open, letting my girls pass me. We were out for our typical ladies night.

We sound like a gaggle of hens as we enter, giggling and gossiping as were already a bit drunk from dinner. The sound of music and crowded voices fill the gloomy, yet cozy lit bar.

Our group steps up to the counter, placing our orders when one of the girls nudges me, 'Honey, be descreet ok? That stud over there.' She says quietly, nodding her head to the right of us, 'Hes totally checking you out.'

I furrow my brows, doubting her words and all girls turn their heads at the same time, checking out this supposed stud.

And boy, was she right.

Sat by his lonesome, brooding and hunched over his drink, his gaze was observing me from under his hat. When he notices us all staring he chuckles and smirks, nodding to the empty seat next to him. The girls whisper to me in various terms of encouragement and surprise like 'Holy shit!' And 'Go get him, girl.'

I shake my head and laugh, mouthing "Later" to him. 'Lets just get a table.' I tell the girls with a bright smile.

The night goes on, but unable to keep my eyes to myself. They drift toward the handsome cowboy by the bar and more often than not, I find him already looking.

'Girl, if you dont want him, we'll take him.' They say, all agreeing with the statement.

I look at them with round eyes 'Oh my god, fine.' I snicker.

'Hurry!' They shout as I stand up.

'Im going, im going!' I assure them, and make my way to the bar. I look behind me, to find the girls giving me thumbs up and waving their hands in shooing motions.

I hear a low whistle coming from the pool table nearby, and turn to see a man looking at me up and down. Staring at my bare legs and slightly seathrough dress, it was the middle of summer after all.

I wink at him in good spirits as I turn back and saunter toward the bar, sidling up to the handsome cowboy. He observes his whiskey glas and says 'I was startin' to think you'd never come.' A charming smile on his lips.

I sat down, 'You doubtin' your abilities?'

He shook his head and met my eyes, 'No, ma'am. I just dont like being presumtious.'

'Confident, not boastful. I like that.' I told him truthfully.

'I was hopin' so.' He said, that charming smile making its way back to his lips, 'You seem to be a popular girl.' Eyeing the man who whistled at you.

I wave the bartender down, 'That bother you?' I ask, and give the bartender my order.

The cowboys eyes drift over my body, admiring what he sees. Nothing the way my leg is poking out of the slit in my sundress. 'No ma'am.' He jerks his head, then says under his breath, 'I can see why.' And smiles to himself.

'What was that?' I asked, the sound of a crowded bar dulling my hearing.

He points at the bartender, 'Told him to put it on my tab.' He lazily excuses. The bartenders nods hesitantly, looking at me for confirmation.

I hummed in agreeing, a smile tugging on my lips, 'I can pay for myself y'know.'

'I never doubted.' He said with a genuine smile, 'Please, let me be a gentleman miss.'

I put my hads up, 'Well, alright.'

He tipped his hat to me in gratitude. I observed his features as he did the same, 'You never told me your name.' I tilted my head to the side, looking deeply into his eyes as if I could tell the name from the hue of blue alone.

'My real names James, but they call me Buck out here.' a gleam of mischief appearing in his eyes. Making me eager to know why, I already had a few guesses. 'And yours, miss. . .?'

I shook my head, looking at him through my lashes in challenge 'Now, that. . . You'll have to earn.'

He nodded and pursed his lips, my answer seemed to humour him, 'Thats a challenge im willin' to accept.' He told me.

We sat in comfortable silence for a while, sipping our drinks. The tension hung in the air around us, and so did the origin of his name, acuriosity eventually got the better of me.

'So, why do they call you Buck anyway. If I may ask that is.'

He laid one arm on the bar, holding his glass and leaning against it for support 'You may guess, I'll tell you if its right. Scouts honor..' He answered, his voice cheeky.

I rolled my eyes, but a smile threatened my lips, 'S'pouse thats fair.' I studied him, his clothes were well worn, nicely fitted but roughed up and dirty. 'Farmer maybe-' I began and he was about to cut in, to answer for me, but I stopped him, 'Hold on, thats not my final guess.'

I reached for his hands, opening them to look at their state. Big and calloused, 'Hard worker, it seems. Your hands are at the very least.' I pointed out and met his eyes, looking at him through my lashes.

'Thats a promise darlin'.' He said earnestly, but with a hint mischief in his tone. And supposedly nothing ulterior behind his words. I took his chin between my fingers, moving his head so I could get a good look at his face. A few scrapes, same with his hat.

'Can I look at your hat?' I asked, and he obliged, taking it off of him.

He leaned forward, his eyes ruefull 'You can try it on if you want.' He said in a low voice, ment for my ears only.

'Is that right?' I teased, pleased expression on on face.

'I think it'd suit you.' He told me, shrugging.

'Could you roll your sleeves up for me?' I asked him, ignoring the latter. Nothing ulteiror behind my words either, supposedly.

But man, as he rolled them up and I saw those strong veiny arms? Something definitley set aflame inside me. But I also noticed a big bruise under his forearm, leading up to his elbow, as if he'd fallen on it.

'It wouldnt be my first time wearin' a cowboys hat, boy. Not my first rodeo either.' I said. A smile spreading across his face as he nodded, approvingly. 'Speaking of, you do rodeo dont you?'

'Yes, ma'am.' He said, impressed by my deduction.

'You strong in the saddle, that why they call you Buck?'

'I stay on, most of the time.' He admitted.

I hummed, 'Theres something more to it though, isnt there?' I asked, and he nodded. 'You got a reputiation for bucking cowgirls out of the saddle?' I joked.

He laughs, but doesnt deny it.

The bartender cuts in, 'Indeed, he does.' And winks at me, I return a flattered smile. He leans toward me, resning his forearms on the counter 'Next drink 's on the house, little lady.' He whispered, a flirtatious smile on his lips.

'Why, thank you.' I said politley, ignoring the bad flirting.

The cowboy looked between the two of you, chuckled, then settled his gaze on the bartender.

'Careful there Chief, I already had my eyes on this one.' He said and nodded his head in my direction.

The bartender, whos aparent name is Chief, smiled at Buck, 'Yeah well, you cant have em' all.' Chief said in a gruff voice and gave me a quick look, smiling confidently. When he looked back, the cowboy had raised his eyebrows in question, wordlessly comunicating something along the lines of "You sure you wanna do this?"

The bartender licked his lips, thoughts of regret circling his head.

'Boys, boys. . .' I tried, a bad attempt at calming them.

The bartender closed the distance between him and Buck in long pompous strides, leaning over the bar slowly, settled his head next to him in a calm and collected motion, then kept his voice low but hasty 'C'mon Buck, you can get any girl you want. Let me have this one, please.' He begged, his voice betraying him as its high-pitched nature shone through.

His bad attempt at a whisper made me giggle, and earned me a smirk from Buck.

'I believe that fine lady over there can hear just fine, bud.' He whispered back, making the bartender look at me in horror. Quickly rebuilding the facade of confidence over his face and the flirtatious smile to go with it. However, nervousity was making it crack. 'Besides.' Buck continued, 'Nothing says she'll chose either of us.'

I looked between the men, it was an obvious choice. 'Reputation or not, I'll accept that challenge.'

He met my eyes with a grin, grabbing the top of his hat and placed it on my head. He pulled my hair back from my face and laid it behind my shoulder so he could see my face better. I could hear chearing from our left, we both looked and saw the girls whooping and clapping.

The bartender backed off in defeat, but a smile clad his face.

'So you were a scout?' I teased, a humored expression on my face.

'Yes, ma'am.' He nodded, forgetting he didnt have his hat to tip. So I did it for him.

I laid my hand on the nape of his neck, burrying my hand in his hair, 'So, how about it cowboy. Wanna take me for a ride?'

He smiled and bit his lip, 'I thought you'd never ask.'

He took my hand and led me to his car in a hurry, we ran through the dim, rainy night and next thing I know im sitting on top of him in the backseat of his truck.

I kiss him fiercly, eager to taste him. Hes trying to slow me down, but im aching for more him. 'Girl.' He says, trying to grab my attention as I kiss his jaw. And when I dont stop, he cups my face and pushes me backward so that he can get a look at me, 'Slow down.' He whispers, stroking a strand of hair behind my ear as he studies my face. 'Theres no hurry. I want all of ya', not a second.' He says and smiles.

I wasnt used to this, I had one-night stands before for sure. But they we're always in a hurry, using me for my body and nothing else. Bucks comment made me blush, suddenly shy. I had to turn my face the other way as I realised that he was actually paying attention to me, and not just chasing his own pleasures. 'Sorry.' I said under my breath.

'No need to apologize girl.' He assured, hand reaching for my chin. Gently taking it between his fingers and turning my head to face him.

'Youre a real gentleman, arent you?' My smile was faint, as I thought about previous encounters. Memories making me appreciate his soft touch.

'I try.' He grins, not in an egotistical way, but rather proudly. 'Thats how I was raised.' He nodded, stroking a line over my lips with his thumb, 'Just, beautiful. . .' He mumbles, as his eyes follow his thumb, observing the movement of my lips.

'They did one hell of a job.' I say, kissing his cheek.

'They'd appreciate that, I was one hell of a gangster growing up.' He chuckled as his hands fell to my shoulders, and continued sliding down my arms, taking both straps of my dress with him.

'A gangster with manners, who treat women right.' I pointed out, a sigh leaving me as his touch aling with the cool air prickled my skin.

'Well.' He paused, his eyes flickering over my exposed skin as he squeezed his way down my arm in massaging motions. 'I would be nothing without the women in my life.' He says, kissing my shoulder 'Men would be nothing without women, to put it simply.'

His words caused me to bite my lip, a pulse settling deep in my uterus. I lean into him, unbuttoning his shirt and slide my hands underneath. Feeling his warm skin and strong muscles under my fingertips. His shirt catches on my wrists and I slide it off of his shoulders, then drape my arms around him and nuzzle my face into the crook of his neck. 'Just when I thought you couldnt turn me on more.' I whisper and kiss him gently.

He grunts appreciatively, 'Oh how you'll take those words back when youre screamin' my name sugar.' He says and kisses his way along my neck. Stirring the butterflies in my stumache.

I kiss along his jaw as his lips reach my cheekbone and eventually we meet lip to lip, ghosting eachother as he leans his forehead against mine. 'You're perfect doll.' He says under his breath, his air alone tasting divine. I blush and close the final distance between us, kissing his lips.

Heat builds within us as our movements grow hungry. His hands roam my body, rubbing my thighs and grabbing my waist. 'Can I look at ya'?' He asks, desperation in his voice. Whimpering almost, but not quite.

'Mhmm.' I hum, and slide the straps down my arms. The dress falls down my torso and bunches at my hips. A sharp intake of breath comes from him as his eyes study me, the curve of my breasts, waist, and everything else. This time, however, I dont turn shy. Because I know that there is nothing but admiration behind his gaze, his eyes basically turning heart-shaped.

'May I?' He looks at me, pleading, begging.

'Yes, please.' I Whimper.

And in the flash of a second, hes on me. Hunching down to take my breasts into his mouth, hungerly sucking. I moan, my breaths heavy as the smacking and slurping sound of his mouth on my flesh symphonises. The windows begin fogging up, clouding the view of the parking lot, hiding our identities but showing our intentions.

His hands slide over my thighs and under my dress, toying with the hem of my panties. Pulling on them and then letting go, making them snap back and sting my skin. I yelp from the sudden sensation, he let's out a muffled laugh against my skin. I bite my lip and burry my hands in his hair to gently pull at my pleasure.

His hands move under my panties, holding my hips in place. I grind down on his lap and immidietly, my core touches his erection. We both freeze, he let's go of my breasts and pull back to look at me. Our eyes meet, gazes flickering between eachothers eyes in silent communication. Eventually, we both agree.

Under the sound of rain hitting the truck, we clash together in a feverish kiss as I unbuckle his belt and zipp down his jeans, he rips my panties apart and pulls his member out. Our movements are hasty and filled with want, needing the other so incredibly bad. I sit up as Buck lines himself up with my entrance, we lock eyes and I slide down onto him, his size filling me perfectly.

We gasp in unisome as the sensation sinks in, smiles chasing our lips.

I start moving and he grips my hips to help my movements. Soon, we have set a needy rhythm, both chasing our highs. He leans back to take in the sight, my breasts bouncing along with the rest of my body. I move my hands to take his hat off, but he shakes his head. 'That hat shows your mine, girl.' He says between the smacking of our skin, luring a smile onto my lips, 'And Id like to keep it that way.' Panting, a grin spreading over his face.

My knees grow weak as pressure builds within me and my movements grow irregular, a whimper manifesting in my throat. Buck circles his arms around me, pulling me close to him and suspends me above his lap as he begins thrusting into me roughly. 'I got ya', such a good girl.' He whispers, doing the all the work for me.

My stumache flitters from his words, 'Fuck.' I moan, 'Just like that, Buck.' My breathing becomes ragged as his strong arms hold me.

I rest my head on his shoulder, his thrusts rocking my body entire body. My gaze drifts to the condensation on the windows, observing how the water droplets bunch and grow bigger as they slide down the glas. My vision blurring, 'Im close, Buck.' I whisper, 'Fuck me.'

He lets out a breathy chuckle, 'Thats what I've been doin'.' I adjust my hips, so that I can grind my clit against his abdomen. I shut my eyes hard as I'm tipping over the edge.

'Let me hear you doll.' He moans.

I moan a string of curses, screaming his name as I topple over the edge. He's thrusts falter and he grunts as his own orgasm arrives right after mine. He comes deep inside of me and let's up on his hold around me. He moves his hand to my back, gently massaging circles while the other stokes hair from my sweaty forhead. I slide down onto his lap, member still inside me as we exchange exhausted breaths.

Suddnely-

A knock sounds on one of the windows, startling me terribly. I yelp, 'Holy shit!' pushing myself closer to Bucks chest in an attempt to cover some of my naked body.

'Sorry!' The man said, 'Didnt mean to scare ya' lady.' hastily turning his face away, profile cloudy through the window. He cleared his throat and continued, 'It's getting rowdy in there Buck, I could really use some backup.' His voice reminding me of the bartender.

'Fuck. . .' Buck sighs, 'I'll be right there chief.' And the bartender leaves. Hastily, but not rushing, he helps me dress, pulling up my dress straps and reaching into the passenger seat for his worker-jacket to wrap around my shoulders.

I smile, 'Thank you.' And pull my arms through the sleeves, 'You really don't have though.'

His eyebrows furrow, 'Of course I do.' He says matter of factly, sounding very confused.

'But you'll need your jacket.' I protest.

He grins, 'So? You'll be returnin' it tomorrow.' He grabs my waist and lifts me off of him, the sound of his member sliding out of me making a sick suctioning sound and he tucks himself away.

I tilt my head in question, my turn to be confused. 'Tomorrow?' I ask, as he opens the truck door and steps out, holding his hand out for me to take and looking at me expectantly. I give him a slanted smile, his kindness making me feel undeserving, I forget his earlier statement. I slide my hand into his and shake my head, almost in disbelief. 'You're too kind.'

'I'm not, and you'll learn that you're worth it.' He says, meeting my eyes and shutting the door behind me. I blush, and look away. But he grabs my face and turns me to face him, he smiles and strokes my cheek with his thumb. 'I was hoping you'd stay over, I'll take my jacket tomorrow when it's warmer.'

Warmth spreads inside me, partly because of Bucks seed still in me. I clamp my walls shut to avoid it leaking out while I'm standing. 'I'd love to cowboy, but I gotta tell my friends, and use the bathroom. . .'

He raises an eyebrow in confusion, then it hits him, 'Oh right.' He chuckles, grabbig his hat to ruffle my hair with it. 'Yes ma'am, of course.' He says and kisses my temple, then laces his fingers together with mine and lead me back towards the bar.

'Hey.' He says, stopping in his tracks 'Have I earned your name yet?' He gently yanks me back, snaking his arms around me.

'I'd say so.' I chuckle, standing on my tiptoes and leaning closer, whispering my name into his ear. Then stand back.

Buck grins, 'Just as beautiful as the rest of ya' he says, and pulls me into a kiss.

[hypnagogics]

UM HI SURPRISE. i promise im working on loreful things but this is bouncing around my brain atm i need it to leave so enjoy. fluffy? smutty brainrot meow yk the drill idk what this is. 18+ whiny & teasing subtop!ellie. "baby/babe" petnames, praise, fingering (r! receiving).

"mmmm i wanna feel you baby." laying on top of you in bed, ellie squeezes at your waist and pushes her head further into the crook of your neck. "you're so warm, so soft. need more." she mumbles, pecking at the delicate pulse point beneath her lips. she coaxes delighted giggles to burst from you, and you feel her face widen into a smile against you, her teeth grazing your neck. fast forward a few moments, and she's sitting by your knees, face flushed, rose petal mouth pursed into a needy pout, shaky hands pulling at your waistband, causing it to snap back against your skin. "lemme fuck you. just wanna make you feel good, m'kay?" the way she's asking—it's so earnest, so eager. "mhm." you nod in approval, heat already pooling in your lower abdomen.

she chuckles, then leans over you to capture your jaw with one hand, and kiss you deeply, her tongue teasing yours with a tentative flick. she knows all the tricks, every little maneuver to make you clench around nothing and crave her more. but, dear ellie being ellie, has as much fun with that as she can.

the moment she feels you buck your hips skyward to bump against her front, she pulls away. cheeky grin taunting you, although without malice behind it. "so cute when you're needy, hm?" "shut. up." you hiss, also in a lighthearted manner. another thing about her, is she never takes it too far. she doesn't irritate you genuinely, just enough to work you up perfectly. to mold you and melt you under her touch, like putty.

her elegantly tattooed hand slinks down your body, tweaking every peak and valley it passes by, finishing its journey between your legs. she palms your pussy gently over your clothes, biting her lower lip when she sees the micro expression on your face. in one swift motion she removes the fabric barrier, your legs instinctively fighting to close in order to combat the cold air. wordlessly she prevents that, greedily eyeing your already-sopping folds, like a lioness about to devour a kill.

"so fuckin' pretty, fuck babe." your heart flutters at the praise, and warmth floods your face. ellie takes her time, swiping one lazy finger through your pussy, collecting your slick to spread you open, unable to hold back a moan as she watches the sight before her. the light touch sends your spiraling. your eyes rolling, back arching, it was nearly embarrassing.

she can't help herself, and stuffs her middle two digits inside you, within no time at all locating your spongy g-spot, beginning to frantically prod at it. her other hand pushes your knee further to the side, and thumb of her working hand stretching up, circling your thumping clit with increasing urgency.

by how she was acting, you'd thing she was the one getting fucked. your breaths speed up, and fingers twisting the sheets underneath you to stay grounded, and you wish you could force your eyes open to watch intently, because the pathetic look on her face was utterly golden.

whines tumble from your lips, louder and louder, reacting to her actions. your brain getting screwed to mush, you will her to go harder, faster, deeper, and as if she's a mind reader—she does just that. "c'mon, yeah, look at thattttt. so beautiful. this all f'me baby?" her voice crackles and wavers, little whimpers cutting her off.

the metaphorical elastic band in your abdomen gets tighter, and you arch backward, and she feels the way you're sucking her in, the pulsing of your clit under her thumb getting more intense as the peak approaches. you cry out her name, and can almost hear her sound tearful as she eggs you on to cum, blinding pleasure overtaking your being, you make a mess all over her hand. she works you through it steadily until the overstimulation aches, until your body is wrung of every ecstatic shockwave. by the time it passes, you open your eyes, and it seems as if she's just as out of breath as you are. she wraps you in an embrace, murmuring praises into you, massaging your still-tense body.

insert your own ending im lazy. if you'd like to be tagged in my fics, click here! thank you for reading, asks, reblogs, and comments are appreciated more than you know. ♡

tags: @andersonfilms @ch6douin @aouiaa @sapphic-ovaries @astro-cat2 @paqerings @r3starttt @littlefallenangel111 @srooch @sinfulprayerss @lvlymicha @sunnsh1ine @anniee333 @pinkcwake @marsworlddd @caszzine @saturnsdrafts @ashaynep @mascdom @xysbree @liddysflyer @fortune777 @brunaedn @bunnitewsilly @mimasroom2 @deliriousrn @infiniteinquiries @thekill3randthefinalgirl @kissyslut

[parkerluvsu]

day 16: 69 <3

"i feel bad"

you look up from your spot on the floor, unceremoniously removing arts dick from your mouth. "what?" you're confused, this situation far removed from how art usually is during blowjobs, all drooly and blabbery. "i- it's unfair isn't it?" art is obviously still stuck in the clouds, but he's trying his best to make you understand. "what's unfair?" when art is in this headspace, it's best to ask simple questions. "well.. you're making me feel really good.." you nod and encourage him to keep speaking, "but im not making you feel good right now.. isn't that unfair?"

you smile, comforted by the fact that art is so predictable in his kindness. "maybe by your standards it is.. but you know that making you feel good makes me feel good art" he pouts at your response, not really believing you. "really..? i just wish there was a way i could make you feel good at the same time.." art sighs. you would think he's being sarcastic if you didn't know that art genuinely doesn't know a lot about sex. "there is actually.. if you wanted to try it?" art blushes, nodding his head. he's always happy to learn from you about anything, but especially about sex.

you smile, and crawl up onto the bed with him. "okay.. it might seem a little awkward at first but you should trust me, it'll feel good alright?" art nods along with your words, letting you brush his hair out his eyes. "okay, just lay down.. put your head on the pillow.." he follows your orders, his dick slapping his stomach as he moves. "alright, so it's just gonna feel like im sitting on your face.." art grins at that "but im gonna be facing your dick.. and then, you know, you'll be able to eat me out at the same time that ill be able to suck you off" you say lightly, knowing that you may be a little nervous, but you want to be confident for art.

he nods, looking up at you with blue doe eyes that make you melt every time. you move across the sheets and turn your body away from him to hover your pussy over his face, leaning forward to lick a stripe up his dick. art shivers and moans, his hands coming up to grasp at your ass, spreading the soft skin open for him. you almost choke against him at the feeling, unable to stop yourself from basically riding arts face. art doesn't mind though, from his satisfied moans and hums into you it sounds like he would like nothing more but to drown in the holy water between your thighs.

arts legs quickly come to rest next to your face, his lean thighs forcing you to stay on his dick. you try your best to not gag around art, but the way his dick curves upwards in your throat makes it hard. not like arts complaining though, being a little sadistic in the way he moans a louder when your throat tries to force him out. you can practically feel his heart beat in his dick, and you're sure if you took it out of your mouth now it would be a ruddy purple. art is humming into your pussy, his tongue finding your clit over and over again, matching the strokes you're making on his dick. you move your arm out from between your bodies to reach around his leg, fingers sloppily rubbing and toying with his balls.

arts body bends into your touch, as he sobs into your pussy, using the last of his energy to shake his head back and forth against you. you moan around his dick and art whines high and loud, his hips starting to cant into your mouth. ropes and ropes of sticky, salty cum shoot into your mouth, spilling out as you pull your lips off of him. art happily lets you ride his face until you cum, his dick still twitching when you moan his name and babble about how good he's being. art finishes you off with a hum, sending vibrations into you and making you clench, your orgasm sending shivers all through your body. you eventually remember that art needs to breathe, swinging your body around to sit beside him.

"are you okay? im sorry i kind of got carried away.." you ask art, who's happily blissed out looking at you. "yeah.. im- that was great.. amazing even" he replies, making you giggle. "yeah? so you'd wanna do it again sometime?" you reach down and push his sweaty golden hair away from his face. arts eyes immediately light up "yes.. yes please i really do.." <3

[afyrian]

HII CONGRATS IM A NEW FOLLOWER!!

can I request 🌾☁️ for Shoyo? (Make sure you take care of yourself or I’ll find you 🫶🏾)

a (crush)ed drink shoyo hinata x fem!reader (fluff) m.list | wc: 656 | prompt: timeskip + 'mmh so the weather's nice'

    biting your nail, you stand by the front door, staring at your phone. the little bicycle's icon moving throughout the app, getting closer and closer to your apartment building. going to a restaurant and ordering with what poor portuguese that you have sends your blood pressure soaring. so you've found yourself ordering more food than necessary, just to avoid those moments.

  pacing quietly, you reload the page, practicing your basic portuguese vocabulary. muito obrigada echoes through your head, little whispers coming from your lips as you practice the pronunciation. "uh- cheiro está deliciosa.." it doesn't sound quite right as it leaves your mouth, sounding better in your head.

  looking back at your phone, you notice that the bike icon has arrived at your building. a little sentence at the bottom stating that he's in the building and delivering it. shaking your hands, you let out a sigh, closing your eyes and letting the cool air of your apartment relax you. 

  your heartbeat slows until you hear someone out in the hallway, apologizing in broken portuguese. realizing it's likely your delivery man, you shove your phone into your pocket, awaiting the knock on the door. one second.. two seconds.. time slows as a rhythmic knock resonates in the room. putting on a brave face, you unlock the door and twist the handle until it's open.

  there stands an orange-haired man holding a bag of food in one hand and a crushed cup in the other, "i'm- uh disculpe. you're bebida... esmagado."

  between the broken portuguese, you can hear what you believe to be eastern japanese. a sort of country twang in his voice. a sense of peace washes over you, "wait, i'm sorry, do you know japanese?"

  immediately it's like a light bulb has gone off, an epiphany resting between his ears. his eyes light up like you’ve never seen in a person before, a large sigh leaving his shorter stature. “yeah! i am! oh wow, i can explain this better then! it’s really sunny right now and i had my sunglasses off for a second.. just a second. and it got right into my eyes where i then fell over,” your delivery driver purses his lips, holding out the bag of food that is still intact.

  “mmh so the weather’s nice then? okay, it’s okay! really, i was just practicing ‘muito obrigada’ over and over, so the good and bad surprises equal out,” your free hand grabs the bag from his, your other hand preoccupied with playing with the hems of your shorts. 

  he gives you a warm smile as you take it, your hands briefly grazing each other, “i actually took this job in hopes of learning more portuguese! it is definitely helping, when the order delivering is easy..”

  “actually!” your delivery driver pulls out his phone, ignoring the slight amount of awkward tension in the air, “i can give you my number and we can learn together!”

  maybe he’s more used to the extroverted attitude of the people who surround him, but you immediately notice your palms sweating. the thought of getting to know someone new in a country that you’re still uncertain in makes you feel nervous. however, you can’t help but feel the energy he exudes, the warmth that radiates from him.

  “well shouldn’t i know your name first? you do know mine, from the app,” you bite your lip, holding back the playful smile that wants to appear.

  something about him sends a spark within you, heat traveling throughout your body. you don’t know what to call it, a crush? an infatuation with a man who has the attitude for the ages. “it’s hinata, hinata shoyo! it’s a pleasure to formally meet you!” he holds out his phone, number written across the screen.

  you smile genuinely this time, unable to hold it back any longer, “well, nice to formally meet you hinata, i’d love to learn portuguese with you!”

a/n: thank you for requesting anon!! i loved doing this <33 i did end up taking a very short break but it was great, also if the portuguese sucks i’m so sorry

[fluffylino]

HI HELLO YES I WILL LITERALLY PAY YOU TO CONTINUE WITH THAT HYUNJIN SMUT YOU JUST WROTE CUZ OMH I AM NOT OKAY I TOO WANT TO BE HIS DOG LIKE PLS LEASH ME UP SIR

OKAY but imagine him making you bark. him breaking you apart. he wants to see just how DESPERATE YOU ARE FOR HIM.

anon, we transform into dogs when it comes to hyunjin 🤝

i got a little too into this but anyways here is your gift ♡

-contains mature themes

"fuck" hyunjin cursed as you took his length. you bit into the pillow beside you, unable to focus on anything but him.

"this is what you were waiting for. such a patient good girl" he praised, cupping one side of your face with such gentleness.

"my dick's in you now, baby. you got what you wanted." he smiled. it took you a few seconds to process what he was saying. A few moments went by yet he still didn't do anything.

"m-move" you mumbled. "please"

"but honey, from what i remember you sent me a video saying you just wanted me inside of you." he reasoned, faking a genuine confused look.

you were going to cry.

"I meant-"

"ohhh did you also want me to make you cum?" he said, in a questioning tone. you tried nodding and he clicked his tongue, interrupting you.

"baby don't you know you have to be a little more specific?

"hm?"

"do i need to teach you to form a proper sentence mentioning what you exactly want from me?" it was meant to sound condescending yet he genuinely had you questioning whether you really didn't mention anything.

"I-" you muttered, a few tears slipping out.

"What's wrong, puppy? Cat got your tongue?"

his gaze was strong and you tried your best to keep looking at him but soon, your tears turned him into a blurry image.

"please hyun-" you begged, and he leaned down to hold your face. he pouted.

"that isn't going to work on me" he whispered, brushing away the tears that rolled down your cheeks. he moaned lowly when you clenched around him.

you were starting to get desperate. wriggling your hips did nothing but push him deeper. that was until he caught you, holding you down by the hips.

"you really want me so bad?" you nodded vigorously, even going to the extent grabbing his hand and pushing it against your throat. he tightened his grip on your neck, cutting off most of your air supply and revelling in the way you gasped.

"so tight" he whispered under his breath, looking down at where yall were connected. he adjusted himself.

"tongue out" he ordered. you did as he said.

"more" you pushed your tongue out entirely. He moved closer, you expected him to spit-

you huffed, eyelids fluttering, the feeling of him sucking on your tongue.

spit slowly dripping out and you knew you were in a messy state. hyunjin slowly pulled away, letting out a breathy laugh as you tried to chase after his mouth.

"Bark"

"wha-"

"come on bark" he said, looking at you with such intensity.

"bark for me and then maybe ill consider giving you what you want" he reasoned. you felt a wave of embarassement.

"but-" he silenced you by covering your mouth with his palm.

"you don't speak unless i tell you to" you shuddered and you could feel yourself get wetter. Hyunjin seemed to feel it too. one of his hands sliding down to rub against you.

"puppy im waiting"

"w-woof" you said, jaw slack when he thrust's forward and stops.

did he want you to do it again?

"keep going"

you gave it your best. hyunjin smiled, hooking your legs over his shoulders.

"See it wasn't that hard was it, my love?"

.

.

.

🛐🔝

[lovely-keii]

being their sibling

characters: tsukishima kei, oikawa tooru, suna rintarou

a/n: i write a fic every time i rewatch hq LOL sorry ik i said im abandoning this blog buuuut…happy bday to this blog!! (repost from 1/5 because tags broke :(( )

part 1

TSUKISHIMA KEI

looks out for you, but he can’t help that hes so emotionally constipated :’( he tries to give you advice because he genuinely is concerned for you but just is unable to word anything properly. see: “you need to stop talking to that person, you’re being a pushover,” but he just wants you to realize you’re letting people walk all over you.

god forbid he has to comfort you because hes the wrong brother for that - you’re definitely in better hands with akiteru. he might walk in on you crying and contemplate if he’ll even say anything or just ignore it flat out, or he’ll say something like “don’t cry, you look stupid.” if you cry more, he’ll end up swallowing his pride and sitting next to you. he’ll groan and reluctantly, “fine, spill it.”

other than that, he’s going to be a sneaky little prick. definitely the type to take revenge on you if you annoy him. you eat the last piece of chocolate he was saving and suddenly you find your charger hidden deep under your bed. also loves to take things without your permission. “why? i’m just using it, it’s not like you need it now.”

if someone picks a fight with you, he’ll be quick to extract you from the situation before saying something ruder and harsher than usual to the person. and if you tell him you like someone from his team, he’s going to look at you like you’re crazy. “are you insane?!” he’s honestly more bewildered than upset. doesn’t let you anywhere near the gym. he can make an exception for yamaguchi though. “at least it’s not hinata…or worse, kageyama.”

OIKAWA TOORU

your life is never boring with this guy as your brother. you’re literally being dragged everywhere, practices, shopping, team events… you’re like “i’m not even part of the team.” he goes “we can fix that!” and the next day you find out that you’re the manager for the boys’ volleyball team. huh, wonder how that happened.

oh my god, he MILKS you being his manager. “hold my drink, my fans are calling.” “y/n get my towel please.” you’re absolutely seething at the power trip that this guy is on. eventually, you start doing all that for his other team members and not for him, and he gets so whiney. “y/n you’ll get big ugly iwaizumi a towel but not your own sweet brother?!” that earns him a spike to the head from iwaizumi.

he tells you all the gossip about the school, because believe me, he knows A LOT of things. he’ll do his skin care while he forces you to listen to his gossip, cue him getting mad if you try to leave. everyone realizes why you two are siblings when you two walk down the halls and pull the exact same faces at the people he’s told you about in his gossip.

he makes you his little scapegoat for his fangirls. “oh, you want my number? you’ll have to ask y/n for that, they keep my phone with them during practice!” (you dont) “now, why don’t you girls hand all these gifts to my lovely sibling for me?” (you almost immediately chuck them at his face when you see him) but you know the best way to get back at him? when he sees you even slightly conversing with ushijima or kageyama, all hell breaks loose.

SUNA RINTAROU

the devil if the devil was your brother. he takes the ugliest pictures of you, when you’re asleep, when you’re yelling, when you’re crying over a movie. he also loves to send you pictures of animals and send a “look at you in this picture, so cute”. he also takes your things without asking and never returns it, you’ll just find it in his bag one day.

he also is one to order you around, and it drives you mad. “pass me the remote, y/n.” “but it’s nearer to you.” “i’ll tell mom that you-” // “y/n get me a drink from the vending machine.” “why would i do that” “remember when you snuck out and i-” // “get my bag too when you get yours.” “no.” “what i post that one picture of you when you’re about to sneeze-”

but he’s always looking out for you. when creeps try to approach you, he’s quick to react by shooting them a nasty glare. he’s a silent kind of care. standing behind you on elevators, walking on the outer side of the sidewalk, staying up late til you come home and just telling you he just couldnt sleep. little do you know, it’s something he’s always done even as a kid. putting more food on your lunch box, holding the corner of tables when you pick something up so you don’t hit your head, returning your things that are sprawled around the house to your room so you don’t lose them.

and if he ever finds you crying over some guy, he sighs and sits down next to you. “why’re you crying over an idiot?” he then makes snappy insults at the expense of the guy, making you laugh. “see? you look better like that. now stop crying and let me get some sleep.” he closes the light and shuts the door on his way out.

[wrishwrosh]

hey, i find your posts about historical fiction pretty interesting, do you have any recs?

anon this is the most beautiful and validating ask i have ever received. absolutely of COURSE I have recs. not gonna be a lot of deep cuts on this list but i love all of these books and occasionally books do receive awards and acclaim because they are good. in no particular order:

the cromwell trilogy by hilary mantel. of course i gotta start with the og. it’s 40 million pages on the tudor court and the english reformation and it will fundamentally change you as a person and a reader

(sub rec: the giant, o’brien by hilary mantel. in many ways a much shorter thematic companion to the cromwell trilogy imo. about stories and death and embodiment and the historical record and 18th century ireland. if you loved the trilogy, read this to experience hils playing with her own theories about historical fiction. if you are intimidated by the trilogy, read this first to get a taste of her prose style and her approach to the genre. either way please read all four novels ok thanks)

lincoln in the bardo by george saunders. the book that got me back into historical fiction as an adult. american history as narrated by a bunch of weird ghosts and abraham lincoln. chaotic and lovely and morbid.

the everlasting by katy simpson smith. rome through the ages as seen by a medici princess, a gay death-obsessed monk, and an early christian martyr. really historically grounded writing about religion and power, and also narrated with interjections from god’s ex boyfriend satan. smith is a trained historian and her prose slaps

(sub rec: free men by katy simpson smith. only a sub rec bc i read it a long time ago and my memory of it is imperfect but i loved it in 2017ish. about three men in the woods in the post revolutionary american south and by virtue of being about masculinity is actually about women. smith did her phd in antebellum southern femininity and motherhood iirc so this book is LOCKED IN to those perspectives)

a mercy by toni morrison. explores the dissolution of a household in 17th century new york. very different place and time than a lot of morrison’s bigger novels but just as mean and beautiful

(sub rec: beloved by toni morrison. a sub rec bc im pretty sure everyone has already read beloved but perhaps consider reading it again? histfic ghost story abt how the past is always here and will never go away and loves you and hates you and is trying to kill you)

an artist of the floating world by kazuo ishiguro. my bestie sir kazuo likes to explore the past through characters who, for one reason or another (amnesia, dementia, being a little baby robot who was just born yesterday, etc), are unable to fully comprehend their surroundings. this one is about post-wwii japan as understood by an elderly supporter of the imperial regime

(sub rec: remains of the day by kazuo ishiguro. same conceit as above except this time the elderly collaborator is incapable of reckoning with the slow collapse of the system that sheltered him due to britishness.)

the pull of the stars by emma donoghue. donoghue is a strong researcher and all of her novels are super grounded in their place and time without getting so caught up in it they turn into textbooks. i picked this one bc it is a wwi lesbian love story about childbirth that made me cry so hard i almost threw up on a plane but i recommend all her histfic published after 2010. before that she was still finding her stride.

days without end by sebastian barry. this one is hard to read and to rec bc it is about the us army’s policy of genocide against native americans in the 19th century west as told by an irish cavalry soldier. it is grim and violent and miserable and also so beautiful it makes me cry about every three pages. first time i read it i was genuinely inconsolable for two days afterwards.

this post is long as hell so HONORABLE MENTIONS: the amazing adventures of kavalier & clay by michael chabon, the western wind by samantha harvey, golden hill by frances spufford, barkskins by annie proulx, postcards by annie proulx, most things annie proulx has written but i feel like i talk about her too much, the view from castle rock by alice munro, the name of the rose by umberto eco, tracks by louise erdrich

[easy-revenge]

its been over 2 years since i read volume 9 of chainsaw man and it still apparently has the power to make me sob uncontrollably when i think about it so im going to talk a bit about aki and denji being shown as children during the snowball fight and why it's currently making me wanna rip my hair out :)

aki is already gone during this scene for all intents and purposes, having very little comprehension of the events his body is in and just waiting to be set free. his mind reverting back to the moment he lost his family is not surprising, since that's when his life permanently changed trajectory.

he's not to blame for being stuck in this moment, as it would make sense for any kid his age. however, he didn't put himself on the path towards revenge, which inevitably made him unable to let go. that was makima. she took him by the hand and gave him this "purpose", something she very well knew he was never going to achieve anyway. she trapped him in this predicament and made sure he stayed there till there were no options left for him.

to the very end, aki's life was never his own, but planned for him. aki never left that snowy forest. he wasn't allowed to.

as a result, the essence of aki that remained within the gun fiend after his death materialized as the last genuine version of aki that ever was. a kid playing in front of his house.

moving over to denji, who is the one that got me crying today. his appearance as a child in aki's mind is partly to parallel the bond they shared and the bond between aki and his little brother, whom he lost that day. of course. however i think there's a lot of significance to this choice for denji's character as well.

denji grew up remote and very disconnected from society. he never got the chance to learn how to navigate his feelings and relationships with other people. he had to figure it all out as he went, first with pochita, whom he got attached to and later with aki and power. even with makima.

makima was the first person to ever give him attention and affection, to give him the things he always wanted, but she never treated him like a person. she never helped him get any closer to learning how to be one. he was used, much like aki was, and was given a purpose that was never going to be for his own benefit.

as a result, denji took a while to go through the motions of being surrounded by humans and being taught by them. the first time we saw him face the concept of loss was with pochita, an event that didn't really give him much in terms of experience considering all the implications and how suddenly it changed his life. in its nature, it wasn't a type of loss he would've been able to navigate as a human.

im not going to go into the situation with his father since we saw very explicitly how incapable he was to handle it to the point of blocking it out and having it haunt him till the end of part one. he surely didn't get much data out of that experience either, or the abuse he went through before it.

the first real time he got to see loss occur very close to him was himeno's death. he had no emotional reaction to it, which confused him since he was able to observe its effect on aki and other people around him. he questioned his own humanity for the first time and it upset him, if only momentarily. it gave him a hint of perspective.

sadly, he was going to find out what loss meant the hard way.

with makima still treating him like an animal and the circumstances forcing him to still rely on his instincts, denji's emotional maturity wasn't really prioritized. he did inevitably grow closer to aki and power, without necessarily being able to recognize those feelings for what they were. again he just had to go through the motions.

fast forward to the gun devil arc. he's told by makima on the phone to not think, to just fight aki without thinking about it. we see the progress that's been made in how clearly unable denji is to follow that order, aki being the closest thing to family he's ever had by this point.

he fights his best friend, not even thinking about himself, but of how aki would feel if he were conscious of how much destruction he was causing. still up to this point, denji doesn't know that he loves aki. it hasn't computed to him as a piece of info, only as an experience.

him being shown as a child in the snow, a contrast to the violent reality that his body is in, has as much significance as it does for aki.

denji never really grew up, he never got past his father's death or anything that happened to him before and after that. he was kept from it by his life and makima herself, once again. his ineptitude was weaponized and he was nowhere near being aware of it. he was also stuck.

in that scene, denji experiences real loss. he loses someone he loves and someone who loves him back. someone who thought himself unable to do so but was the first to love him like a human.

he was just a kid, losing his family by his own hand again, only this time he had been loved.

it's highlighted in the next chapter, where he appears unable to grieve and looks kind of numb instead. then we have the ice cream scene, where he thinks the words for the first time and throws up immediately.

his confusion after it happens, him being unable to fathom why his body would have such a reaction, breaks my heart almost more than the entirety of the snowball fight itself, from denji's pov.

im not going to talk about what happens directly after that and its implications bc im gonna end up talking forever, but his behavior throughout the next chapters very much shows how out of his depth he is when it comes to loss and grief and how lost and helpless he is in makima's hands.

my point is, both aki and denji were used, weaponised and kept from growing up while also having to deal with the world and its cruelty at the same time. even the closeness they achieved was planned and used against them both. this is only one of many angles of the snowball fight scene that can be looked at and interpreted in different ways. but it was the one that made me ugly cry today :)

[leafybfdia]

ii2 ep 16 act 1 spoilers

um so this act has utterly decimated me. i had work to do yesterday and i found myself completely unable to do any of it. i woke up this morning and my first thought was about this episode. i went out today and all i could think about was this episode. i came home and ate and had to take a nap because my head hurt from thinking about this episode. i slept for 3 hours and dreamt of ii. ive done nothing today except think about ii2 ep 16 act 1. i didnt even act like this when firey revived leafy and i literally go insane over any leafy crumbs. point is i think i need to talk about it to release me. this is just gonna be my speculation for some things. ok? ok

the contestants

ive seen people debating about whether cobs is lying about mephone making the contestants but i think hes genuinely telling the truth considering the fact that 1. they glitch at the end and 2. the foreshadowing and 3. brian and co have been laughing it up over at animationepic hq or wherever LOL. but one thing i do think is worth discussing is whether or not mephone was even like consciously aware of what he was doing. i thought it was heavily heavily implied that he didnt realize (considering that when cobs asks “why did you do it?” hes like huh whuh) but then brian tweeted this

but then again he could be fucking with us. like you never know. and also i mean the question WAS pretty vague.

PERSONALLY im team subconscious. i think the writers are trying to hurt us and subconscious would hurt more.

another thing to mention is that the settings of inanimate insanity are very likely made up considering that the s2 location has literally prime shimmer planet eggs or whatever as hills in the background, and the island in iii is called “inanimate island” iirc. the same alliteration cobs mentions. and of course it could just be some pre-existing island that he renamed himself for the show but at this point i feel like anything is possible

whos real and who isnt

so that leads to this. who the hell is made up then??

i genuinely wanted to argue that bow could be real considering the fact that she came into the show on her own against mephones own wishes and also cant be revived but if team subconscious is right then it would have been possible for mephone to just have made her up too so like… i dont know. I dont know… it’s scary….

oh and that leads to another thing i kept seeing

the “bow is a prime shimmer” theory or whatever that i keep seeing

… guys im going to be honest i think we’ve reached the point of delirium. on one hand i vaguely understand where these ppl are coming from since bow made a prime shimmer sound and the egg that 3gs gave to cobs was pink (and i saw someone say it had a bow symbol on it but i just couldnt see it????) but i otherwise… dont see it? she doesnt look like a prime shimmer guys. sorry. anyways

mephone x

good goddamn lord. so get a load of this guy.

one thing i havent really seen people talk about is how only the specific targets can see mephone x and no one else. of course this is like WTF! before it’s revealed that everyones “not real” but like. i mean it’s assumed that cobs is the one controlling this thing. idk if this thing has agency and is just following cobs orders or if its just a vessel for cobs to control or what but it really begs the question as to like. how can he make mephone x be invisible to everyone else? are the contestants “made up” in the sense that theyre just code, and hes entering the mainframe or whatever? like. im assuming thats what it is but like Oh My God? and what the fuck is going on with his targets?

everyone keeps saying that like ohhh hes targetting those who were in the middle of talking with others but i dont think thats necessarily the case. i think thats just for the drama. even though it’s been said that it’s up for interpretation if guava and soap were killed too i at the very least think guava is dead dead since his disappearance was mentioned before even pickle died. starfruit says that guava just “ditched” so he wasnt talking to anyone. i genuinely think anyones fucked. speaking of which:

is the death thing permanent

honestly? im scared to answer this. on one hand im like well no these characters have important arcs they need to fulfill but on the other hand i feel like we genuinely may be hit with the madoka magica treatment here where death is sudden, unexpected, permanent, and terrifying.

my biggest fear is the ending being like everyone coming to terms with the fact that theyre not real and just fading away like they got thanos snapped or something. but i think soap and mics interaction is foreshadowing. soap deletes a picture of them together and opens the recently deleted pictures album and goes “oops, missed a spot!”. i think toilet, oj, pickle, nickel, and potentially soap and guava are in some kind of digital trash can right now and can still be saved. chat i have to believe

box

so. rememebr box you guys.

… i dont think hes “the first victim” or whatever. although it is an interesting theory

people seem to be able to communicate with box? which makes sense since theyre all made up and if box is made up too then well theyre like all the same guys. but like… his whole not reacting thing is mentioned too so. i mean. huh?

i dont remember if bot ever interacted with box before he got injured too. and im too tired to rewatch the first parts of season 3. but them interacting with box would have implications since they were like the only confirmed contestant so far that mephone hasnt made himself

toilet

oh yeah hes fucked. he has been fucked for YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!! we just finally got confirmation that like yep no that man is DIED. although it confirms that toilet too isnt real which makes my whole “is bow real” thing kind of a stretch since he didnt like bow or toilet and yet they were still there

of course his carcass wasnt shown so it’s like ohh maybe he just got kidnapped or whatever.

and also adam was being controlled by cobs, and adam DID hire toilet… IS toilet real? if he isnt then did another mephone make toilet for cobs so he could send him out?? im in so much pain

honorable mentions and misc

- test tube and fan making bot is made slightly better because they didnt realize both bow and marshmallow were still. “alive”. bows not really alive though but you know what i mean. STILL DOESNT EXCUSE IT THOUGH

- do you think mephone made santa because of his childish whimsy and joy. like he wanted santa to be real so bad. Guys im sorry im not rewatching that episode i dont remember what even happens

- the season 3 contestants being at the hotel is… it’s not IMPOSSIBLE i guess since oj knows them. still frightening. they like literally spawned in it was the scariest shit ever. i remember when i was at the meetup i noticed that candles asset used in the theater etiquette video was season 2ified and i was like LOL thats a little unnecessary. like the face and limbs sure but the asset itself? Anyways yeah no that was completely necessary.

- according to brian the plot twist was planned since 2015 at the latest, so around the episode “theft and battery” when cobs is first shown. do with that what you will.

- ballpoint pens resemblance to cobs was not a funny coincidence.

- i genuinely got scared that mephone was confirmed to be a babys or something but as im rewatching it like 20 times yeah no i think cobs is just infantilizing him. Can i be honest mephone has always had old man voice to me

- do you think mephone made springy so he could feel like he had a normal childhood. sniffle

- bot, the one contestant he didnt make, was his favorite. Do with that what you will.

- no i dont think suitcases psychosis was her just “seeing reality as how it is”. i feel so bad for suitcase especially btw. im team suitcase i always have been they could never make me hate her.

- walkie talkie. FUCK

my predictions

- lightbulbs a goner im so sorry. lightbulb was literally trending on twitter earlier idk if it still is but shes FUCKED. she has the X on her face in the thumbnail and shes a fan favorite. someones gonna argue with her like ohh you cant make this positive lightbulb and then shes gonna be like Chat whats that sound… (she would say 100% say chat. to me)

- the rest of the season 3 contestants HAVE to be shown. theyre involved in this too man. clover fluttering away on her butterflies to whereever she went after she got eliminated and im like THIS INVOLVES YOU TOO. GET BACK HERE

- mephone will deny that he made everyone up but as he begins to doubt himself everyone will start glitching out

- i think bot will be called in here. cobs cant do shit to them mephone x wise

- no one wins here. even if they do get physical with cobs and suitcase idk beats him to death with hammers. idk if theyd show deatj and dying on screen but it’s like. ok but then what. youre still made up by mephone. take those million dollars if mephone even has the fucking money. what then. literally what then

- i wanted to say maybe mephones realization of his creation skills lets him create something or someone powerful enough to defeat cobs but like. you know. mephone x. then again though like you never know. thats the one thing here. if you know something no you dont

- 40 min fantube makeout scene thats unskippable because the entire time cheesy is in the background with a blank expression stating important plot related facts with no hint of emotion whatsoever

tldr

[dailydegurechaff]

challenge: hollow knight bug tanya

vessel tanya

my thoughts got long. warning under the read more for Hollow Knight spoilers.

ok listen listen, while i have you i need to implant an idea here

This oversimplifies both character’s motivations and stories a bit but like. do you see what im cooking. the vibes are THERE

like. Being X wants to bring Salaryman to his lowest to see if that suffering will make him a believer. Salaryman's values revolve entirely around his autonomy & free will. so an au where being x reincarnates Salaryman/Tanya into Hallownest as a Vessel, a creature that is meant to have no agency and is generally very doomed

so we'd see HK AU!Tanya (Bugurechaff if you will) trying to survive in this new world, but also slowly learning the lore of this world and what's happened to it. and I think over time, as she discovers who the Radiance is/was, she'd probably realize the similarities between Radiance and Being X and go "Hey wait a damn minute." My thought is she'd have a classic Tanya Misunderstanding Moment and misconstrue the two of them as one entity. Whether this fills her with vengeful rage and she takes it upon herself to destroy the Radiance, thinking Rad is Being X, I'm not sure. I could potentially see it.

some other vague ideas

Tanya's whole shtick is that she wants to achieve a comfortable, safe life where she's free to do whatever she wants. I genuinely believe that after somehow escaping the Birthplace, fighting through the ruins of Hallownest, and eventually coming across the town of Dirtmouth, she'd gladly end her adventure there. Think about it. Dirtmouth is safe, nothing really substantial goes on up there. There's no point for her to go back into the depths if she can just live peacefully there without any problems. There is nothing to stop her from doing this. Like, does she need the Geo to buy a house? No point, the whole town is virtually abandoned, just pick a house and live in it. Elderbug actually says this about Iselda moving in.

I think the point I’m trying to get at here is that if the story will let her, Tanya would probably get complacent. Which means that we'd probably need to find a reason to force her to act if we want her story to go farther than just 'makes it to Dirtmouth, the end' Do you think she'd get bored eventually? What is there to do? As said previously, nothing really goes on there, and there are very few permanent residents.

One way I feel like Tanya could be pushed is in regards to her social motivations. Like. I feel like she needs to be seen as a respected, productive member of society in order to feel fulfilled. I don't think she could get that in Dirtmouth, so the question is: Is this desire enough to overcome her desire for safety?

I think motivating Tanya to get moving and back to exploring (and therefore learning about Hallownest & by extension the Radiance) could be more easily accomplished by giving her companions who drag her outside of her comfort zone. So like. Let's drag more YS characters into HK.

In my head I have the mental image of tiny little vessel Tanya rescuing some other travelers on her way to find a safe place to settle. These travelers being Bug!203rd Battalion (Visha, Weiss, Koenig, Neumann). And she just absolutely destroys whatever was endangering them. And they're so impressed by her they just end up following her like lost puppies.

And like. Vessels can't speak. So she can't just tell them to go away and leave her alone. So she has an entourage now, who at least can help her fight. They also probably tell her about Dirtmouth, and they travel as a group to bring her there.

Maybe after she makes it clear she'd like to live peacefully in Dirtmouth, they end up leaving her. Only to return later when she's gotten restless, new party member in tow (Grantz!), who she helps to train and such.

Also also, Vessels being unable to speak definitely creates problems for both Tanya and the narrative. It has the possibility for hilarity with the good old Tanya Misunderstandings that YS is so good for, but also it creates problems with getting her to interact with people. There would have to be a LOT of charades, characters conveniently bringing up information to her, or conveniently guessing what she's trying to get at, which i feel would be hard to do naturally.

You could perhaps solve this with her meeting someone who can teach her to write or sign? Like Lemm or Quirrel. I think it'd be cute to see Relic Seeker Assistant Tanya with Lemm for a little while. I doubt she'd have an interest in the relics, but he'd probably give her a lot of insight into Hallownest history.

the Type 95 is definitely a charm in this universe. In HK canon, we're told charms are created by a bug's dying wish or something to that effect, so my first thought was that it would be a charm made by HK AU!Schugel's death that Tanya ends up getting her hands on, and then Being X blesses it... But then we also see in HK canon that Leg Eater is able to make his own charms, albeit fragile/easily breakable ones.

so my concept is this: Bug!Schugel creates his own fragile charm. I'm thinking the effect would probably be something revolving around converting infection to usable Soul/Mana (akin to the canon Type 95's Mana fixation thing). So, wandering inventor Schugel, looking for an assistant comes across Dirtmouth! Vessel!Tanya, who's hanging around (probably bored out of her mind and desperately needing to do SOMETHING productive) sees this invention and think it might be useful for the world, happens to have nothing better to do, and gets roped into this. Naturally something goes wrong, and before it fails horribly and disastrously, Being X steps in and blesses the charm. This makes the effect work, but using it also causes the wearer to become more susceptible to mental corruption/infection.

Also, I think that it also needs to become permanently unequippable (Like Void Heart) so Tanya can't get rid of it. Also also, the charm needs to have some insane cheesy name after Being X alters it. Everlasting Blessing. Immortal Prayer. Idk. But it needs to be something Tanya would hate.

I think the Silver Wings Assault Badge could also be a charm. I'm not sure what it's effect might be, but maybe something like the monarch wings, but its powered by Soul. She's an aerial mage. She needs to fly. Also it needs a cheesy charm name too. Fluttering Soul. Wings of Argent. etc. you get what I'm going for.

The Pale King is described a lot as being pure white and gleaming. Vessels, as his offspring, do look a bit similar to him. I think somewhere within this concept, you could have Tanya gain the White Silver nickname based on her appearance. Her mask/head is pale white like PK and when she uses Soul she shines like silver? idk i think it could work. Someone (203rd member perhaps?) sees her fighting and bestows the nickname on her and it gets shortened to just Silver or something

(Before this, since Vessels cant speak so she can't tell anyone what to call her, she gets called "Little One" by Elderbug. She hates it.)

if you couldn't tell, i've thought about this a lot. i invite you all to think about it with me. if you have ideas. please. share them. especially if its about other YS characters and how to fit them into HK universe. also especially if its about how HK characters would interact with her. Is the Knight/Ghost running around in the AU? How do they feel meeting a fellow sibling like this? What about Hornet?

[angy-grrr]

idk about translations or anything like that -but the attempt for Ochako explaining her pain after Himiko died feels so... analytical in English. It feels anticlimactic in comparison to the fan translation by Pikahlua, and it kind of makes a reference to her feelings for Izuku? Which doesnt have to be a bad thing, but it is weird to me to change it like that -idk if the official English translator was thinking about "preparing" the audience or something??

Idk if im just looking into things but when I read it it felt bad to me, so I checked the official Spanish translation to see if it also made a reference to past actions:

Fan translation: That's why... I'll put away even this wound that hurts all the time.

Official English translation: That's why... just like before, I'm dealing with this lasting pain... by shutting it all away.

Official Spanish translation: That's why... I've been repressing it... this wound and its pain...

Im guessing my problem comes from the over explanation that shifts the focus into, what I think is, the wrong thing: the official EN makes you focus on how she shut down her feelings for Izuku and how she is doing it again, while the fan translation and the SP are more about her repressing/pushing away specifically her pain for Himiko represented by her wound.

EDIT: I know she does have more moments where she cries when she's alone or with her parents only, I know, but lets be real, that paired with the shutting it away + Izuku appearing in the end makes you think more of that scene instead.

We understand then that the stab makes her unable to forget her, and thinks about a crying and smiling Toga during her sacrifice, while the official EN kind of forgets about it? It feels less powerful to me by skipping a mention of the wound, and by adding "just like before" it makes it look like her putting away her feelings for Izuku left a "lasting pain" at the same level of Himiko Toga dying, which. That's just wild to me?? As if her not confessing was causing her a lasting pain???? IN THE SAME LEVEL AS GRIEVING??

Im the only one reading it like that?

Under the cut im going to ramble a little more about the meaning of the stab wound:

When Himiko stabbed her, she fundamentally rejected Ochako.She claimed they were built different, and while ppl like her are able to live blessed lives happily, their rules dont allow ppl like Toga to even be close to that, and just get pitied instead. She did it angered and with flashing images of all the people who rejected her and pitied her existence going thru her mind; in that moment she cant see her caring for her genuinely, or even loving her as she "already" rejected her when she didnt understand her phrase "what do you wanna do to me?",too.

Even tho it was an action to get her away and to push her feelings down -her own love for Ochako, and instead focus on a villain like goal even tho all she has wanted is be herself happily- Ochako doesn't see it that way.

So, Himiko stabs her screaming to not be pitied, and Ochako keeps pushing it, going against what she thinks in order to be honest with her own feelings. Ochako's fear and sadness from before is revealed then to be related to not understanding Himiko's genuinely happiness. She finds inspiration in her and, I argue probably also Izuku, to then declare what she loves with her whole face: her lovely smile, and how much she wishes to be able to be like that too. Free like her.

What is that stab for her, when she sees the sacrificing Himiko? Because in that part she explains about loving someone to the point of giving herself her blood instead of taking it, I believe this is the face of pure reciprocal love. I wondered while reading the leaks why not choosing the "you think im cute?" face instead where she has the biggest smile, so my idea is that it represents something different. That moment was about Himiko being loved by Ochako, and the other about Ochako being loved by Himiko, using each other's languages -Ochako offers her blood not because Himiko needs it to survive literally, but because that's the way she can get closer to the other person; when she tells her she is the cutest in the world Himiko finds for the first time the love she always looked for without even asking for it.

Himiko gives her blood because she can't live in a world without her, but also because for Ochako sacrificing yourself for someone else its what she admires and loves. The best part about this is how they both arent doing it because they "have" to, their hearts already wish this and to do something for the other. It's genuine, it's heartwarming, and so bittersweet.

When Ochako feels that pain, she doesn't see an angry Himiko, or a sad Himiko, she sees Himiko doing an act of love for her. And that just hurts even more.

[leclerced]

Its half past 4 am and i need to go to bed too but I’ll squeeze out a final brainrot for us to sleep to

A driver on the way to winning wdc, a ROOKIE no less and after actually winning you get absolutely HATE fucked by max. Thats all i really want in life. Imagine the sexual tension all throughout the season mixed with immense hatred and hes just kidnapping you back to the hotel and letting out all the anger and frustration towards you that build up over the year until you’re completely fucked out and unable to walk for the week. Im talking CRYING from overstimulation here.

That championship may not be his but that pussy sure is now.

🫀

oh my goood. i want her to he a redbull driver bc imagine the drama of them getting a fourth driver’s title in a row like seb did but it’s a rookie instead of max?? the drama. sorry i rambled for like an hr. oopsies i meant to be quick.

can so imagine she’s not expecting to win any races on her debut season but wins on debut and everyone is shocked when she overtakes max and the team allows it, knows they’ll still get the one two finish plus they’ll get the amazing publicity of another first time redbull driver winning on debut, making history as the first female driver winning on debut.

max is furious about it. they're not given team orders which makes it so much worse, she genuinely overtakes him and they warned him she'd be making a move on him but he didn't expect her to successfully pass him or to maintain the lead and fend him off for the rest of the race. he’s not a baby who would demand team orders in his favor, especially when he knows they wouldn’t listen because they want her to win. he’s angry they want her to win. he’s angry he wants her to win and make history like he did. he hates that he was so enthusiastic about having a rookie as a teammate, thinking he’d get to show someone the ropes and all that. but she’s beating him on debut?

it gets better with the next race because he wins and she comes in third, and he feels like everything is falling into place again. until the next race when she gets pole and wins from it, leading every lap with him stuck in third behind charles, a switch-up on the previous weeks podium lineup. it continues like that with them nearly taking each other out a few times fighting for the lead, but somehow they don’t crash out throughout the season.

i can so see them taunting each other behind closed doors, where media won't catch it. also them getting drunk and flirty and pretending it didn't happen the next day. and i can see her being happy no matter what because she's doing so well on her debut season but max is only happy and nice when he wins a race and is leading the championship, so on the nights he wins, they somehow end up together in the back of the vip area of some club, both internally debating if fucking your teammates a good idea.

she wins by a handful of points, only three, and when she’s on the first place podium she shoves that number in his face as she sprays her champagne down on him. he wants to bend her over the podium and make her swallow down his cock instead of the champagne she gulps down. he pushes the thought from his mind when she’s wiping it from her jaw as it drips down her neck and soaks her suit more than charles’s spray already had.

he doesn’t even plan on acting on his pent up fantasies until he bumps into her and charles on his way out and she has the audacity to congratulate him on second in the championship, as if he wasn’t less than half a second away from behind first. as if she wasn’t first. he’s grabbing her wrist and pulling her away from charles, ignoring her questions of where they’re going. she only asks twice before she falls into step next to him, her footsteps faster than his to keep up with his longer stride. she’s got her trophy, the first place race trophy in her hands and he wants to smash it thinking about how he’s going to have to give her his driver’s championship trophy. how they’re going to engrave her name and break the streak of max verstappen signatures crawling up the trophy.

she realizes what’s happening when they get in the car and he puts his hand on her knee once they’re driving then asks if it’s okay and she’s like, “are you asking if it’s okay to touch me or to kidnap me?” and he insists he’s not kidnapping her and she recounts how he grabbed her, led her to his car, opened the passenger door and pushed her inside. he blushes and apologizes, his hand still on her knee and she tells him it’s okay. they get to the hotel and she follows him to his room and neither of them speak until they’re inside and he’d tell her to say red if he needs to stop, and she asks why he would need to stop and he’s like, “well i don’t plan on stopping until you tell me to. so say red when you need me to stop.”

once she agrees he’s kissing her like she’s never been kissed and pushing her against the wall, his hand squeezing her throat and his knee pushing between her thighs. he holds her there until she’s turning away from the kiss for air, and then he steps back and tells her to strip and get on the bed. she’d stare at him for a moment and he grabs her and pushes her towards the bed and snaps at her to get on it. she strips to her underwear and starts getting on the bed and he’d tell her he didn’t say to leave them on and she turns back to him, fully dressed, and tells him to undress too. he tells her he doesn’t need to yet, and she doesn’t get why until she’s almost screaming from her third orgasm back to back. two from his fingers and one from his mouth, and he's still going. hands curled around her thighs to hold her in place.

she's crying and begging him to fuck her, and he's moaning into her pussy that she tastes so good he doesn't want to stop tasting her yet. she loses count on how many orgasm she's had before he's done eating her out, she can't tap out before they've even fucked, but she's so sensitive his tongue lapping on her clit hurts.

when he finally gives in and lines up with her entrance the stretch of his cock in her sensitive cunt nearly makes her black out. he barely lets her adjust before he's fucking her like he won tonight, telling her she looks so pretty when she cries and how good she feels around him. asking her who's making her feel this good and stopping until she begs him to keep going and answers his question. he'd tease her between kisses and hickeys he leaves on her now that she's too fucked out to object, hopes they won't be able to find makeup good enough to cover the bruises he leaves on her throat.

he keeps pulling back from kisses and spitting on his dick fucking in and out of her, saying things she can't understand in dutch, or maybe it's english and she's too fucked out to make sense of his rambling. he'd grasp her jaw when she opens it in a loud moan and hold it open before spitting in it. he'd taunt her with all the passive aggressive remarks she made during the season and when she just moans in response he’d make fun of her for being too fucked out to respond.

and then they don’t see each other over break except for work stuff and nothing happens, she gets her trophy and the exchange goes normally. and then she wins the first race of the season and she gets a repeat of the last race of the last season. after that no matter who finishes the end up in bed together, if she wins he’s angry and takes his frustration out on her, but if he wins they just go at it like rabbits and right for dominance, he’s more playful and less commanding. he’d let her suck his cock for an hour while he tells her how good she’s making him feel, telling her that this is what he deserves; a race win and a cock drunk whore on her knees choking on his cock.

[triplegoths]

untagged

i cant fucking take living like this anymore

i cant do it i have to end it soon theres literally nothing for me here anymore. its too much to do. im never gonna fucking have another close in real life relationship.

i want to just like order some food at work so im not more miserable being here but i dont have the strength or stomach to eat something. ill eventually try maybe. i dont know. the drugs make me not eat like a fucking sick dog already and everything rn just says i dont deserve it

i have no motive or energy to do anything but work or somethimes playing a game but even that were usually unable bc were too tired.

whats the fucking issue with me!!!! i just dont give a shit anymore i dont want to do anything nothing makes me happy everythinf eventually juat makes me feel scared and sick and weird. every time i try to make fun or have plans it goes horrible and it just feels worse so i wont anymore ill just fucking rot alone like life wants me to

nobody here can help me and if i could i couldnt afford it so who fucking cares its cheaper to kill myself and lose the body so they dont need funeral costs. theyd misgender and shave me anyway probably

im just so fucking over it all im never gonna be happy like this. i got nothing. theres no good its just working til i fucking kill myself and putting myself through fuxking agony constantly for a life that continues to just KICK AND KICK AND KICK AND KICK me when im fucking down. i cant handle anything else happening. im trying so hard to get things done and theres just fuxking nothing. i will never ever be enough and ill never feel enough.

doesnt matter what or when or the circumstance its so depressing that its not just romantic relations too im so fuckinf scared in groups i automatically feel unwelcome and hated and like i should just go off by myself because im literally so unlikeable and everything has proved it forever. like genuinely as soon as i realized there were more than 2 people i got terrified and started questioning everythinf i did and wanted to run away bc i felt like i wasnt meant to be there and it was ovipus and i was being annoying like fucking ALWAYS GOD IM SO SICK OF BEING LIKE THIS can i just shut up forever? dirk please come back to front im tired of annoying all the people who so graciously allow me to exist around them so i dont have to be in such crushing loneliness all the time i feel like such a fucking baby and everybody probably thinks im such an annoying drug addict too can i just quit it and fucking feel and then kill myself already when i realize its worse

like im never gonna be able to afford any of the shit i need to heal and i dont even wanna try bc ill get 3 appointments in and will run out of money and continue doing that and then ill die bc i cant afford anything else. like why would i do that to myself ill just suffer like this and just do my best forever til i can only rot. id rather get it fuckinf over with and just die now. this isnt a life

i go frm one box go another. rotting. i rot at home alone or i go to work alone. i dont really go out. i dont really talk to anybody. i dont really see anybody. i have 1 irl friend who talks to me and lives in town. the other i dont see her often and honestly feel so embarassed of myself around her because of how i am that i can barely convince myself to see her sometimes even if she is in town. the other person is one of my exs and he doesnt give a shit about me he just wants sex bc thats the only thing im good for. i feel like i just annoy and make everybody uncomfortable conwtantly i dont wanna do it anymore i want to shut up

i always do it i always just talk endlessly frm the second i fucking could before most kids could talk even and i just never shut up did i? my parents were always annoyed by me talking about things that brought me joy (and they never believed me for things that were upsettinf and it was just fake and i needed to be quiet about it bc theyre not taking me to the doctor. so i stopped talking about it to my family and everybody else in my life in that era did the same. the bullies. my friends who ignored me. no matter the form it was always like that i just need to learn to keep quiet and go away and not need anything ever again. i couldnt fucking learn it every time i got a red or yellow card for talking (usually trying to ask questions bc i didnt understand or couldnt see or couldnt hear in elementary school. or to make conversation bc i was friendly and had no friends and my parent didnt play with me so i was lonely. nobody ever liked me bc i was weird. i feel like such a bitter dickhead but i get so jealous when i see that people talk to others every day. especially in person. im so fucking alone i literally get so excited when people want to call with me even if it makes me really scared (and sometimes if im not comfortable enough or feeling sad i will run a away from that too because im so scared to fuckinf annoy people and say something stupid or be boring or trying too hard or just fucking being a total downer because theres nothing good ever going on for me. i got so depressed goin on bsky today and seeing everyone playing webfishing when i cant. but even so lik.e maybe im glad i djdnt join bc one of them was in a big group with new mut and then all strangers so like. its better i wasnt able to bc i would probably jusg feel worse and run away frm everyone bc i feel inadequate snd guilty for taking up space. i always feel like im bothering everyone no matter what. fuck my exhusband in general but he also made me so much more insecure than i was already. he made me feel so annoying and he broke my communication. i was alone with him and JUST him for so long. i could only communicate in nonsense phrases sometimes (literal jibberish not memes) because thats all he would respond to or wouldnt talk to me until i did. he changed my whole pattern of speech and i still almost lapse into it sometimes. it was never any kind of real conversation about anything i felt like it withered my brain. nothing ever in depth just stupid sensless bullshit and jokes (that were often insulting me and made me feel like shit) and i was doing it for fucking nothing because everything else sucked too!!!! the only time there was ever a conversation was when i was BEGGING HIM to stop sometbing or do something for the millionth time. or him defending himself or trying to force my support and trigger my ocd (i genuinely think he was trying to make it worse he never respected it ever he mever respected a single part of me) or him fighting with me on something again (usually the thing was due to him and i just was not being forgiving and quiet and turning off my emotions enough about it. learned numb happiness)

my existence is like a plague and theres nothing here for me. theres even less left of me after he got done with me. he stripped my personality all the way down and forcef me to mirror him. everythinf will always be rotted and ill feel like a horrid shell of a person any time im near anyone. the only option is being alone. maybe this time i will learn and just fuxking stop all of this so we can stop being a curse on everybody. even if i could afford mental help theres nobody that can help me here so its all a waste. i feel like everybody will just hurt me again. doesnt even have to be a partner i feel like every single person is gnna realize sooner or later that im not worth it or they dont like me (ir even hate me) and that im just too fucking annoying to be around

i dont want to be annoying anymore. i wish it was like right after he went to prison again when i didnt have anything and was an empty shell and had nothing to say or talk about that wasnt venting. i wish i never got back some of my "sparkle" or whatever the fuck people call it. mines not a sparkle. its a noxious cloud of toxic annoyance fumes and everybody just has to keep their masks up til i vacate the area. why would i ever fucking want this to come back. i need to shut the fuck up i really do. just take our personality and every crumb of joy again im so sick of it. make it so i dont have any of those thoughts to even post. thus sparing everyone from having to be like "UGH this motherfucker AGAIN. does he ever shut the fuck up? is he ever quiet? can he just log off already? this guy definitely has no life. why does he always have to butt into everything"

that way i can just post like. the shortest most boring updates ever like "back to work! only 3 days this week for the 39 hours. more time off is always good" and then shut up for days and then "got paid nice. going to the bank and then grabbing a few groceries" like thats do much better. nobody needs to fucking know man its sad and depressing and all the same OR you are the most obnoxious prick on any site youre ever and you ruin everybodys day when theyre forced to see you in their notifs or on their timeline

ive probably already muted me bc it didnt even take a week for me to just talk way too muxh when none of of it is important and nobody wants to hear it

even if im not allowed to talk frm my body. its already annoying enough in text and then psyically i just stutter and trip over myself or cant think or forget what i was saying

i wanna delete everything i have and crawl into the earth. i hate being alive. the one time i find something that makes me happy even the littlest bit i cant do it anymore. disallowed by the universe and painfully reminded of the fact im supposed to alone and theres actually nothing for me. it doesnt get better for me it only gets worse. and it makes me feel stupid for believing it could even though thats few and far between. theres nothing left for me i need to just get whatever drugs i decide on and have one last hoorah and take enough to kill me. which hopefully wont even be that hard because im mixing downers and uppers constantly so like its only a matter of time right. my nose hurts and i feel like crying and my body is killing me again so im taking both things again. one for pain. one for maybe like. a little bit of energy but mainly so i dont feel so absolute shit. i just want it all to stop i dont wanna get better anymore im sick of it every time i try i get fucking worse or am crushed by something else even harder than before im DONE WITH IT IM FUCKING OVER IT i just wanna end it theres nothing fucking here for me im never making it. im sick of trying. im sick of always helping even while going through the wordt shit imaginable. im not sick of it. i want to help and i love helping. but it makes me fucking SICK to think about how ive spent my whole life caring for others. have been let down or ignored or told i was lying or had them hurt me instead so many times over i just fucking wish i was important enough to have gotten help when i needed it. to be listened to enough for somebody to even acknowledge or believe there is an issue (or simply convince me im overreacting)

it was fucking stupid of me to think my last ditch effort of doing art school because every other thing i failed miserably at because im too stupid and cant do enough and dont have the support. it doesnt even fucking matter bc my body is slowly and slowly getting closer to just saying "no fuck you" to the art i NEVER HAD TIME TO MAKE TO MY FULL ABILITY IN THE FIRST PLACE. and then ill never be able to do it ever again because i cant get help

i am going to die knowing i never finished a single thing in my life and nobody will ever know what i was capable of.

i want to die in the most painful and uncomfortable way possible because its what i deserve. its the only thing i truly deserve. i need to endanger myself more than i already do obviously its not killing me fast enough if im still kicking and dragging myself across the pavement. i should be dragged along the pavement by a semitruck instead.

i wanna kill myself so bad tonight man. im gonna try not to bc my friend really needs me rn. but i really might relapse. im so fucking tired i want to just go and sleep but ill stay up just for that. i should just cut a vein already why do i care about beinf careful. there was a thing i wanted to do... cut myself with a razor right after i use it to chop **** because maybe itll make me feel good when im not or just fuck my heart enough to make me faint or do smth stupider

ive been writing this for so long im fucking done. i got 2.5 more hours here. i hope i find my mouse when i go home so i change my mind but i honestly really just want to end it right now. im at the end of the line really. im gonna work til i die and never get a break

"everyday it feels like noone sees and noone knows. every day i kinda wanna cancel the show." /lyr

please for the love of god like this if you read all of it i just spilled my whole guts and not even well

[annafall]

this is gonna be rambly lol

let's see...

so far, I've had Ame go back to living a normal life (keeping her stress and mental health issues low and her affection high), she did a shit ton of drugs and became convinced she saw the objective truth of the universe and everything in it, started doing porn, started to chronically masturbate apparently, and she self-harmed by making me do it

the drug sequences were honestly most upsetting to me, especially once they started to just show the outside of the apartment building, legit thought next time i'd see her she'd be unresponsive

i do like her as a character tho! she's disgustingly relatable through her misanthropic view of life as a trauma survivor that i could definitely identify with when i was younger

her desperate need for approval also hits pretty hard, especially in the face of the duality of Ame and KAngel

what parts of KAngel are real? what parts are a legitimate mask? in what ways does she contort herself to gain the approval of faceless nobodies who arent exactly real in the sense of being active participants in her life?

amd craves genuine connection with the world, but her bitterness at the world leaves her unable to allow that, let alone pursue it. instead she sits home, with an imaginary girlfriend, letting the days pass by with nothing ever changing about her bleak reality

p-chan is also pretty interesting to me, a clear manifestation of her loneliness and her self-hatred, compartmentalized trauma given form in order to emulate the emotional connection she clearly never experienced in her life. im sure a lot of people, including me, can relate to that

on the one hand i wanna keep going and see what other endings there are for her, find out more about her as a character (and see if my hunch about her being an sa victim is right or not), but damn, i dont know if i should lol

[poolpvrty]

every time i come to your blog im smacked in the face with how pretty it is also regpeter????

as a collector of rare pairs i

MUST

know

thank you ‼️

giggling and kicking my feet..... thank you so much!!

I have so many opinions about regpeter it's crazy..... they're a parasite in my brain eating up all of my other thoughts. allow me to yap about them in depth now:

their dynamic in any au/setting is easy for me to picture but hard for me to verbalize... I heavily subscribe to modern au regpeter where pete is this shy stoner type and reg is his cunty goth bf (thank you jen for coming up with that!!) but I mostly think of them in a more canon compliant sense.

I think they're drawn to each other because, at heart, they're both followers. peter prefers not having to think for himself/ likes just going with the flow because he's friends with very headstrong people, and it's easier to just do what they're doing. and regulus does pretty much the exact same thing, he follows his parents' word because that's what's expected of him, he doesn't bother thinking too much about what being a death eater represents or entails. they're cowardly people pretending they're not, unable to confide in their loved ones about their true feelings because 1. it's frowned upon to be so unopinionated and 2. they're too scared to. this is why I think they find so much solace in each other. regulus for sure believes that muggles are beneath him but I don't think he agrees with killing them. not because he thinks their lives have just as much value as his, but because he's like 17 and murder is fucking terrifying. he takes the mark and immediately regrets it because he's being forced to act now, he can't just nod along and pretend he's so enthusiastic about voldys cause. peter's situation is so similar it's actually kind of funny....

he joins the order because the other three did, and because maybe he thought it would buy him more protection in the war, but now he's being sent on missions and the more things develop, the more scary it gets. he sees other order members get injured or die and he sees how determined they are to kill the least amount of people as possible, opting to try and imprison the death eaters rather than take them out completely. peter quickly understands that this isn't where he'll be safest, so when he's given the chance to switch sides.... he does.

peter gets the mark just like reg, they're both in voldys inner circle, so I imagine they see each other at meetings. I think peter would take one look at the people in that room, see regulus, a sort of familiar face, and absolutely cling to him. he tries his hardest to always sit next to him, looks to him for approval whenever he has to speak. regulus is weirded out at first but the longer they talk and sort of float around each other, the more he understands that peter is a lot like him. eventually, he gets the full story on peters' betrayal, complex feelings included, and for the first time in his life, regulus has someone he can genuinely relate to. he feels like he can finally breathe, like he has someone on his team. they're both objectively bad people, but they're a very similar brand of bad that nobody else on the Dark side is. they can tell each other their worst thoughts and know that the other won't judge them because they likely feel the exact same way about something else.

i think they each feel immense guilt for their choices (peter, for betraying his friends; regulus for being exactly who sirius says he is), they just don't have the courage or reason to change their situations (yet). since this whole thing has been pretty canon compliant, I'm not sure if they would ever define their relationship in concrete terms.... but the feelings are definitely there!! it's very private, very secretive, absolutely nobody knows. at meetings, they're just like everyone else there: closed off, cold, aloof. they don't really talk to each other, peter quickly stops looking at regulus so much. but behind closed doors... they're wrapped around each other in utter silence, just allowing themselves to breathe. sometimes they talk, sometimes they do other things, sometimes they just sit and do nothing.

I haven't really considered what would happen after the whole horcrux situation, how regulus' choice would change things between them, but I imagine that their quiet tranquility would probably end. if reg tells him at all, pete would 100% try to talk him out of going to the cave. the idea that they're both cowards, but given the right circumstances, they can force themselves to be brave is really interesting to me, especially given what they each chose to be brave about. because reg did manage to gather the courage to do the right thing, despite how hard it must have been to go against his family. but peter didn't. he just got worse, summoning his own courage to give up james and lily, to frame sirius, to kill those muggles, to do all of these things until he wasn't scared of doing them anymore. it's just something that scratches my brain....

this got really long I'm so sorry. I'm not even sure if it even describes their relationship the way I intended but oh well!