#like idk how to explain it I feel like a majority of y’all are caught up in the most obvious aspects of his character so u don’t look deeper

[starlooove]

The way I don’t post about hobie is akin to gatekeeping

[hopemakesstuff]

Protecting Assets

Hey y’all so uhhh I don’t normally do this kind of thing but a couple of my friends and I have been on a major Danganronpa kick these past few months since one friend in particular just recently got in the series, and part of that major kick has been discussing various AUs (mostly of the G/t variety).

One AU in particular that we’ve all latched onto involves sizeshifter!Makoto, wherein one Makoto Naegi has the ability to alter his size somewhat at will, and the various shenanigans that ensue as a result of him trying to keep that ability a secret from his peers. 

So anyway here’s a little fic I wrote based on some various brainstorming we’ve come up with. 

A bit of helpful background info before I jump in: 

Makoto can shrink or grow mostly at will. His abilities are sometimes influenced by his emotional state or physical well-being. (i.e.: he shrinks if he doesn’t get enough sleep or eat enough.) It’s basically a way for his body to conserve energy. 

Makoto’s clothes shrink or grow with him accordingly. Because this is fiction and I do what I want. (Let’s just say his clothes are made from a special kind of material or something idk)

I don’t really have a specific time in mind for when this particular fic takes place, but definitely after the first murder. 

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ 

Makoto’s return to consciousness was a slow one. His senses came back to him gradually, starting with the feeling of soft fabric cocooning him on all sides. It honestly took him a moment to even realize that his eyes were open, given how dark his surroundings were—almost pitch black, save for a thin line of light peeking in overhead. 

His first guess was that he’d probably gotten tangled up in his bedsheets, but… the longer he sat there, the more that didn’t seem quite right. Instead of a mattress beneath him, the only firm surface he could really feel was a wall on his left side. At least, he was pretty sure it was a wall.

Maybe he was laying on some kind of hammock? Of course, that only begged the question of where he was, and how he’d gotten there in the first place. Surely he wasn’t in his dorm room…

Well, wherever he was, it was quiet. Peaceful, even. The faint hum of the air conditioning was the most prominent noise, but he was pretty sure he could hear someone breathing as well. Aside from that, the only other sound Makoto could make out was the occasional turning of a page, as if someone was looking through a book.

He wasn’t alone. 

The desire for answers only grew more urgent as that realization came to him. He obviously wasn’t going to get those answers if he just kept laying around, though. 

Trying to find any decent sort of foothold was a challenge, but Makoto was eventually able to pull himself up to a standing position as he clung to a small portion of the fabric. Then came the process of actually trying to climb his way up toward the opening above him. It took a considerable amount of effort, but after a few moments, he managed to pull it off. 

Poking his head out, the first thing that caught his eye was the array of bookshelves lining the wall just ahead of him, all crammed to maximum capacity.

The library. 

What was he doing in the library?

“Oh, you’re finally awake.” 

Makoto let out a rather undignified yelp in response, nearly losing his grip on the fabric in the process, but it wasn’t necessarily the suddenness of the voice that had startled him. Part of it had to do with the familiarity—he knew that voice, and hearing that person speak was plenty surprising all on its own. But it also had to do with the proximity and volume. Each word practically reverberated through his entire body, shaking him down to the core. Not loud, per se, but… big.

Turning his gaze upward, Makoto immediately locked eyes with the voice’s owner. Those icy blue irises practically pierced through him like a pair of daggers.

“B-Byakuya? Wh—” 

Before he could form a proper question, the sight of a massive hand descending upon him caused Makoto to choke on his words. He didn’t have any time to react as equally massive fingers coiled around him, hoisting him up with all the care of someone retrieving a handkerchief from their pocket. 

That was where he’d been. Byakuya’s pocket. 

That realization alone was more than enough to send his mind reeling—nevermind the lack of concern Byakuya showed when handling him.  

The Togami heir all but dumped him onto the desk, nearly causing him to fall over. Thankfully, Makoto somehow managed to keep his footing. Now he just had to contend with the fact that he was trapped in the library with Byakuya looming over him.

God, it was bad enough that Byakuya already knew his secret. Actually being caught in his most vulnerable state was a nightmare come to life. 

For the longest moment, there was only silence between the two boys. Makoto was almost too nervous to even breathe, let alone speak. 

Eventually, though, Byakuya seemed to grow bored with their little staring contest. 

“How much longer are you going to be stuck like this?” he questioned, setting his book aside and crossing his arms. 

“I… What?” 

“You heard me.” 

Sure, Makoto heard him, but that didn’t make it any less confusing. 

“I don’t… I’m not sure? What happened? Why was I—” 

“You don’t remember? Hmph, figures,” Byakuya huffed. “You fainted right outside your door, and then your little… quirk kicked in. You’re lucky I was the one who found you.” 

Makoto didn’t know if he necessarily agreed, but he wasn’t about to say so. 

His memory started coming back after that, though.

In the aftermath of the last class trial, it would’ve been a huge understatement to say that Makoto was feeling stressed out. He could hardly remember the last time he’d eaten a proper meal. Or gotten a full night of sleep. Normally he was a lot better about taking care of himself, given the consequences that came about with his shifting if he didn’t, but… 

Could anyone really blame him for slacking a bit? 

“So, you… brought me with you to the library?” 

“I can’t keep you in check if your secret gets out prematurely, now can I?”

Ugh. Right. Now things were starting to make more sense. Byakuya just wanted to make sure he still had blackmail material.

“So? How much longer?” The affluent progeny didn't even bother trying to hide his annoyance at having to ask the question a second time.

“Well, um. I mean… it depends,” Makoto tried his best to explain. “How long was I… er, how long has it been since you found me?”

Byakuya looked over at the clock above the door. 

“Just over two hours.” 

Two hours?!

To think he’d been alone with Byakuya for that much time, unconscious and barely more than three inches tall… Makoto didn’t want to let himself dwell on that for too long. 

At least he was still in one piece. 

…For now. 

“Um, I guess I could try shifting back up now?” he offered. 

Byakuya didn’t give any sort of verbal response. He just sat there, watching and waiting. 

Taking that as his cue, Makoto tentatively made his way over to the edge of the desk and sat down. He briefly thought about asking Byakuya to set him on the floor, but quickly pushed that idea aside. Better to avoid any more rough handling if he could. 

Makoto then closed his eyes and took a deep breath, focusing on the task at hand. Even without looking, he could practically feel Byakuya staring at him the entire time. 

But more importantly, after a few moments, he could also feel himself beginning to grow. Namely he could feel the surface of the desk gradually getting smaller and smaller beneath him. 

When he opened his eyes, he was now looking down at Byakuya, if only just slightly. Back to his normal height, thank god.

“Hm. Fascinating.”

All it took was that one word to send a shiver crawling up Makoto’s spine. Just the way Byakuya said it left him more than a little uncomfortable. Like he was some kind of science experiment or something.

“R-Right, well. I should go,” he stammered out rather quickly before hopping off the desk and heading for the door. 

Just as he was about to reach for the handle, he paused to look back over his shoulder. Byakuya had already gone back to reading whatever book he'd been looking through earlier. 

“I, um… Thanks? For making sure no one else saw me like that.” 

Even if Byakuya’s motivations for doing so had been purely selfish, thanking him still felt like the right thing to do. 

A noncommittal grunt was the only reply Makoto got, though. Byakuya didn’t even look up from his book.

Well, there was no point sticking around any longer than he already had. After leaving the library, his next intended destination was the dining hall. Nothing really sounded good if he was being honest, but… for the sake of making sure he didn’t pass out again, he figured it would be best to find something he could stomach.

[turquoissesimmer]

It’s been a while

Let me tell y’all were I’ve been. Not that y’all care but let me tell y’all anyway. I hope y’all like a good storytime…

So I stopped playing choices bcus I kept falling asleep while reading those century long ass chapters. I just wanted to be able to sit down with a nice snack on a Friday night so I could really just read in peace & quiet. But I’m chaotic & unorganised so bcus of that I always have to catch up on schoolwork that I didn’t finish throughout the week, so after finishing my 2hr nightly routine I just fall right asleep.

Oh yeah I forgot, I went back to school in Sep. 2020 so I could no longer keep up with all of my hobbies, so obviously Choices & it’s drama ended up at the bottom of the list. Maybe that was a good thing bcus after the 2021/2 that I’ve had I don’t know what would’ve happened to me if I got myself involved in drama on top of the mess I’ve been going through.

So as it turns out…I’m actually not asexual/aroace….I was just traumatised😅. Nothing weird happened to me it’s just that I was a very scared & insecure child. Later on the development that I should’ve gone trough in my teens was stolen from me bcus I got bullied & maybe even discriminated (?) at the school I attended. Bcus of this I sort of developed this “I don’t care” mindset. Not even to defend myself, I literally didn’t care about any of the people who did this to me. In my eyes they were just miserable and had to blame somebody to make themselves feel better. It took me a while to realise that, just bcus I didn’t see it as bullying, that did not mean that I wasn’t getting bullied….bcus I was. And it affected me more than I was personally aware of.

This and the fact that, like I said I was a scared & insecure child, made it so that basically everything that involved deep feelings, some that I had never experienced myself, caused me to get resentful & disgusted. It’s not fun when you’re a kid, saying you’ll never kiss somebody & all your older cousins, aunts, uncles & even your mom come at you with “that’ll change when you get older” talk. And you just keep trying to make it clear to them that you’re not comfortable with these types of jokes but they just don’t listen bcus they don’t realise it’s not a joke to you.

So anyway what happened was, this guy from my class started talking to me. Our conversations were online bcus of COVID. Last school year he switched majors so we were no longer in the same classes so I met him in person twice & very briefly, which made it hard for me to figure him out. Now idk what happened I still don’t know how to explain but I caught feelings🤡. We were always just joking around & he used to send me flirty messages & stuff but I was aware that it was just jokes so it didn’t do nothing for me. I see people for who they really are, not for who they want ppl to think they are. Even trough text, I consider it one of my many talents. So I guess I caught feelings for this guy bcus I really saw HIM yk…?

It got to a point were I didn’t know what to do with myself, so I told him. Hoping he’d either bite or reject me. I was leaning more towards reject so I could leave these feelings behind and go about my life. But instead he did the worst thing someone’s ever done to me.

He told me he had those same feelings. Then over the course of a month (this was March/April 2022, we stopped talking in May/June). He continued to send mixed signals which really confused me & caused me to stress tf out. We’d been talking for nearly a year when I got these feelings & bcus of the fact that I never been trough something like this I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was crushing on this pile of 💩 like a 15y/o to put things into perspective.

I also have a bad habit of overthinking & over - analyzing things that don’t add up. So if I wasn’t in my head about my feelings, I was thinking about the things he told me or what his day was like or whatever. Now do y’all know what happens when you think about someone TOO much?

YOUR ENERGIES GET TWISTED. Me being the sensitive girl I am, can literally feel what someone next to me is feeling. It helps me behave accordingly, I don’t even do it on purpose. Basically, bcus of the fact that I was in this guys energy field & he was in mine….I fell into his depression….sort of.

I just woke up one day feeling like absolute shit. It’s a good thing I’m on top of my feelings and I knew that if I gave in to what I was feeling I’d get a depression fr. So I woke up & did what I had to do everyday no matter how hard it was. My mom noticed I wasn’t doing so great so I told her everything. With her help & the help of her friend I got out of it, sending that shit straight back to him. After that (it’s now late April/May 2022), I got the answers I was looking for which made a lot of shit that happened make sense…

This 🤡 was still in a relationship with the baby mama he said he broke up with. Now if that wasn’t enough the 2 of them were living together. So this piece of 💩 was basically only talking to me bcus my clean energy attracted his miserable ass. He had to feel better about himself so used me, the girl full of life & ambitions ( that I’ll actually be able to achieve bcus I’m not a broke 22 y/o with a kid, student debt, living independently & who’s not in a miserable relationship that’s holding me back in life ).

They say you attract the energy you give out, but don’t get it twisted. Bcus when you’re doing good in life, you know the 😈 comes lurking & you gotta be on edge, careful not to let him in.

After finding out about this I confronted him & he didn’t even bother to apologise. Instead he blocked me….on instagram. But I still had his number so I texted him & he was acting real fucking bold so I made sure to block him first this time. So yeah I blocked his number & all of his other SM accounts….just to unblock them and send him back to that hellhole he came from bcus I don’t even want to hold on to him trough a blocked contacts list. The whole situation was just so traumatising and disrespectful to all parties involved. Like bruh…she gave birth to your daughter & you’re out here embarrassing that girl lying about her existence? Nah that’s just…I can’t-

So these past 2 years have put me trough a lot. I basically found myself back again. Turns out I’ve always been perfect so I’m currently back to the sensitive 6y/o girl with the rose colored glasses, positive energy & the rich fantasy I used to be. Just with a little bit more spice to it. I liked her better than that girl I created to protect me from drama as a 13y/o anyway. I’m glowing up, happier then I’ve been in years & finally exploring my feelings & trying new things instead of only allowing myself to experience these things trough a screen. So I guess this whole situation definitely had it’s reasons. I needed that reality check so yeah…

I’m thinking about making my comeback, but I switched to an iPhone last month. So we’ll see if I can find a good mod for this app bcus Lord knows I’m not playing this game without any diamonds. It takes out all the fun, I’ll pass.

Now if you kept reading this far, I hope you enjoyed my story. I had to take out a lot of the details but you can ask me about things if you want. I just wanted to share my story so yeah uhmm…bye

[mariaiscrafting]

can i ask why you dislike dream? im not being passive agressive or something lol i am genuinely curious

S’all good, kinda figured you weren’t being, and a lot of people have asked me this lol. There are so many reasons, and I’ve said this so many times already, but I’ll try to go over some of the main things I can remember:

1) Arrogance: kinda put me off how he’s always responded to criticism. Always kinda had an air of superiority about shit, and it never really bothered me on its own because I think lots of CCs are arrogant & I’m arrogant myself, but combined with all of the following, it became a reason for me to dislike him lol

2) Manipulation of his audience: look, I kinda always knew that CCs with huge fanbases, especially CCs who grow this quickly, have some kind of grasp of how to treat and foster their audience to their greatest advantage. I’ve always been wary of CCs that put on soft or nice personalities, especially since the whole Shane Dawson debacle. But with Dream, it’s been a whole other thing ever since his cheating response video, and I’ve never been able to see him in a good light in regard to how he responds to his fans, ever since. I went into it in a lot more detail back when I first watched the video, the day it dropped, but I’m too exhausted to scrounge that post up, so I’ll summarize: that video had a very specific strategy that he used to victimize himself and appeal to his fans’ compassion for him, and after rewatching the video for the third time that day, it felt gross and calculated to me. The way that he focuses very little on the actual mathematical part of his argument. The way he frames the issue of the mods having favoritism or bias. It was already proven on Reddit and throughout Twitter that the numbers the mods looked at were for good reason, and not because they just wanted to pick the numbers that made Dream look the worst, but that’s how he framed the argument. When I logged onto Twitter and Tumblr that day, there were thousands of fans who had latched onto what he said in the latter half of that video and coming to Dream’s defense, and that’s kinda when it hit me: this guy fucking knows what he’s doing, and he’s doing it well, and I really really dislike it. There’s about a hundred other ways he manipulates his audience, including not coming to people’s defenses when huge chunks of his audience attack them (even though the people had respectful and correct criticisms of him), defending stans so adamantly in the face of antis, and posting periodic alt tweets that help garner the illusion that he super cares about his fans; but, that cheating response video was the major red flag, for me.

3) Cheating & lying: as is likely no surprise to y’all, I think Dream cheated lmao. At first, I was ecstatic that he had actually made a detailed response video and put out a report with the help of an actual professional, but as I read up on his supposed statistical argument and dissected the parts of his argument that felt off to me, I realized maybe he had cheated. Talking to some STEM major friends of mine, who weren’t into MCYT but had obviously heard about the whole debacle because they like Twitter and Minecraft, kinda put the nail in the coffin for me. I’m not nearly smart enough or have a good enough memory to detail exactly why I think he cheated on this blog, right now, in April, but essentially: his main argument relied upon claiming mod bias, instead of a sound mathematical or statistical argument; there’s no way of proving that the world files he provided to the mods and in the open source weren’t altered; the statistical problems he points out (i.e., stopping effect) don’t actually skew the original mods’ model nearly as much as his supposed PhD guy would say; and the odds he comes up with might not be nearly as impossible as 1 in 7 trillion, but they still come up to around 1 in 100 million, which is still fucking ridiculous, considering that there are only, like, 120 million people in the world who play Minecraft.  Not impossible, but laughable that he expects people to believe that. But... I guess they did, lmao. The thing that peeved me the most about the whole thing was the adamant lying lmao. When you look at the situation from the perspective of “dream cheated,” you realize just how fucked up all his Twitter responses, his adamance in streams and that video, and the general mood among his friends is... idk man, it’s just highly fucked.

4) Relationship with stans: look, there are significant numbers of  his fans that take part in Twitter cancelling vendettas, who spread around information about other CCs and their fellow fans that is false and meant to villify them, etc., and he never fucking says anything. It really, really bothers me. There are too many instances to enumerate, but a few that have caught my eye were when Dream stans would attack Techno, prior to their battle and when a Native American woman politely explained why he shouldn’t use Native music, he responded and said he wouldn’t, but tons of stans continued to attack her in her replies for “being so harsh/mean.” Like, he knows that just one word from him will make his fandom follow his beck and call. All it would’ve taken was one fucking word. There are so many fucking people that have been harrassed off of social media platforms because of the hivemind that is dttwt, for christ’s sake.

5) Reddit posts: All of the above were reasons for me to mildly dislike the guy prior to the Reddit posts, but they weren’t really enough to make me stop posting about c!Dream or reblogging fanart or reading DNF fics or watching Manhunts. I kinda just clowned on the guy, answered the occasional ask about the cheating thing or something related, and left it at that. The Reddit posts not only pissed me off for their content, but for the lying, as well. Do you think I fucking cared about him cheating at speedrunning Minecraft, of all games? Fuck no. What I cared about was the adamant lying that went into the whole debacle. Kinda the same with the Reddit posts. I’m one to usually forgive creators who acknowledge past errors, obviously. It is creators who try to brush stuff off, or even worse, create an elaborate lie to cover up allegations, that put me off a fuck ton. This is the reason I could never be comfortable with watching Pewdipie after I realized all the shit he had brushed off, and it’s now the reason I can’t go back to watching Dream. There is so much evidence that points to guilt, including but not limited to: his first move when the slideshow dropped (before posting to Twitter) being deleting as many old Discord messages as he could, the contradiction between him at first denying the account was his at all then changing the story to say he shared it with a friend, the wording and phrasing in the political posts being almost identical to the non-political posts that were clearly him (i.e., the one that explains his demographics perfectly), and the timing of the political posts (some of them being posted mere minutes after posts that were verifiably him, like the picture of Patches to the cats subreddit). People can claim that he’s likely changed, and what this it matter, as long as politics don’t affect his work now, but I can’t believe this fundamental misunderstanding of why bigotry in entertainment matters. I’ve always had a problem with the adoration this fandom has for cishet white men, and the constant criticism of non-cishet, non-white, non-men, but this really feels like the final slap in the fucking face. It’s like everyone truly believes that it doesn’t matter, that his beliefs couldn’t have possibly affected the way he’s treated fellow CCs in his circles or any of the number of people that depend upon Dream, directly and indirectly, for employment/CC clout. It’s like everyone truly believes that political ideology has no effect on the way we perceive, treat, and behave around other people in literally any field, not just politics. I, just... Christ. I don’t really wanna unpack my emotions about this whole thing right now, so I won’t. I’ll just say: I dislike Trump supporters and ex-Trump supporters alike, I dislike conservatives who claim they’re centrists (every fucking guy my age does this, it’s infuriating and makes me want to bash my head into the nearest wall), I dislike people who levy their fans against criticism - even when it’s righteous - and I dislike people who lie about their past actions; Dream fits all those categories, so I dislike him.

[parachutingkitten]

Season 5 Analysis

STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I am going to be applying the concept of criticism to a TV show you presumably love and adore as much as I do. If you do not want your idea that the show is immaculate to be challenged, I would not advise reading past this point.

Additional Disclaimer: This includes criticism of Nya’s arc, so if you’re the type of person to get catty about this subject, turn back now.

Mood for this season: It’s spoopy time.

You don’t need to, but if you are interested, and haven’t seen my analysis of past seasons, you can find those here:

Pilot - Season 1 - Season 2 - Season 3 - Season 4

You can also find all of these, and future installments, on my blog using the tag #analysis 

Hey everyone! I’m still doing these things! Let’s see, when was my last one? Over two years ago...? Yikes, I owe y’all an apology. I really didn’t mean to put these off that long. Anyway, get ready to hate me, cuz although (for the most part) this seems to be the fandom favorite season… I think it’s overhyped. I know, don’t kill me. I’ll explain myself. I don’t think it’s bad or anything, it’s very well structured, but I definitely wouldn’t rank it among my favorites. First, for a little context, I am making a one second of every ninjago episode video right now, so I’ve been binging the series and all it’s shorts back to back, so I think I’ll have a bit more to say about connective tissue between seasons, and hopefully you guys can look forward to more of these analyses between now and the new year when I’m releasing that video. I’m also officially a film major now so… sorry if I come of as extra pretentious or get too deep. Anyway, let’s jump into the thick of it, shall we? 

Plot

This is probably the area I have the fewest number of complaints about. This season has a breakneck pace and it keeps everyone busy. I think that’s why people like it. Everyone’s favorite has something to do. Which brings me to the question… which ninja’s season is this? Lloyd is on a lot of the promotional stuff, but he’s possessed and out of the picture for over half the season, so that can’t be right. Cole turns into a ghost, and the season is a ghost season, but that can’t be right cuz I don’t know that I’ve ever heard anyone claim it was his. Nya reaches her true potential, maybe it’s hers? Well, she does have a large b-plot, but she is consistently not a part of the a-plot. Kai has a whole thing with being protective of Lloyd, he has his fear of water, maybe it’s just another Kai season? Thing is, it’s no one’s. It is an ensemble season, and I think that’s a healthy thing for ninjago to keep doing. The more we label certain seasons for certain ninja, the more complaining we’ll get about who’s turn it is for screen time that we’ll miss out on telling a good story. Also, If the season is focused on a ninja you don’t like, you are less likely to like the season (see my next analysis for that can of worms). Again, this season tells it’s story really well. Morro directly ties into the ending of last season, and Nya’s getting water powers was foreshadowed the season before. That’s some cool connective tissue to start. The opening episode establishes the three different things the ninja will be looking for, and for once they’re actual tools instead of a series of weapons, blades, masks, whatever. I like that. Jay has some really good humor, Zane has his speech changes, Kai has his irrational fears and protective instincts, Cole has his ghost angst, Lloyd has to deal with his father’s passing, Nya is a new water ninja, Wu has a shop to run and a student to reconnect with, even Ronin has an arc about developing morals and gaining friends. There’s the mystery about how to deal with the ghosts, what the rules are, there’s the leader subplot, the ninja’s money situation, and lore of the different realms, they even worked in Skylor and Borg, there’s a lot of cool stuff going on. This is a tightly woven script that manages to include a lot of new concepts that you get pretty quick. I don’t feel like there’s even that much fat to cut. The opening is a little slow and strange, and the cloud kingdom episode feels a little unnecessary, but I do like the idea of visiting a different realm early in the season so the audience isn’t caught off guard in the climax. Again, the plot all works for me, it’s the other stuff I find myself pretty meh on.

Characters

Ronin

I’m pretty sure Ronin is the only new (non villain) character introduced. I like him a lot. Ninjago needed a true wildcard to shake things up and be unpredictable. I also think he’s pretty nicely woven into the action of the plot. I think his introduction is a bit strange. Like, the ninja already know him, but we’ve never seen him before? Just the way they talk about him sounds like they’re quickly recapping who this guy is for those who missed previous episodes. It’s fine if the ninja already know him but either 1) Introduce or foreshadow him a season earlier or 2) Introduce their dynamic to the audience before it becomes plot relevant. Maybe the ninja are grumbling about him being a nuisance while tea shenanigans are going on or something. Or maybe you have a scene of him stealing the scroll and making snarky remarks about the ninja while he does it. Idk. just something so his sudden plot relevance isn’t out of nowhere. Also, I don’t hate his and Nya’s dynamic, but I know a lot of people love it, and I’m just not totally here for it. Is he supposed to be a father figure for her? Mentor? Frienemy? Just plain friend? (love interest???) it’s not super clear and I could have used some clarification. I also like his use and tie to the next season, so overall, well integrated character.

Nya

I’m adding in Nya here cuz she goes through a major character change, and how she’s handled is one of the things that rubs me the wrong way about the season. A lot of people will probably disagree and/or hate me for this section of the analysis so… here we go! The thing she has to get past to reach her true potential is fear of failure (supposedly) and the solution to that is to just… not care as much? First of all, I know this isn’t supper important, but the fun thing about the ninjago elements is that every elemental master matched up personality wise with their element. Jay is the energetic master of lightning, Kai is the hothead master of fire, Zane is the calm and calculating master of ice, Cole is the strong and dependable master of earth, Lloyd is the literal child master of energy. This especially goes for all the new season 4 masters. So what qualities are often associated with water personalities? Well, serenity, control, flexibility, elegance, patience… calm. You know, like a Zane type character (the element directly adjacent to hers). These are things that Nya isn’t - or at the very least don’t define her. (there’s also something to be said about water and its ties to more feminine qualities, which Nya has been actively shown to reject, but I won’t go into that rant here.) She was designed as the fire master’s sister, and when you try to fit a fire personality into a water shaped character mold… it doesn’t exactly mesh well. It doesn’t make sense. But, like I said, whatever. Maybe that’s the point? Like she has to change her personality to be more in tune with water? Sure. But let’s talk about this fear of failure thing. Because that’s the stated thing that dialogue tells us she needs to overcome. But when has Nya ever been afraid of failure? Fear of failure means avoiding doing something because of fear. Nya is ridiculously persistent, always has been (you know, fire personality). She tries training when no one tells her to, she makes her own alter ego to try and be a hero and save the people who would constantly tell her she wasn’t ready. Wu says she only wants things that come easy, but that’s never been her character before now, she has carried the team with her tech, research, and covert ops that no one forced her to do, all things which are not easy. Fear of failure is usually characterized by what if questions. If Nya is so afraid of failure, why don’t we hear her saying stuff like “but what if I’m not strong enough, what if I can’t save them in time, or worse, what if I lose control of my power and end up hurting people?” Cole shows much more of a fear of failure this season surrounding his insecurity about being a ghost. He wants to sit out from missions because he’s not sure he’ll be able to do it - he’s afraid of failure. But whatever, the writing isn’t clear at expressing her true setbacks, but she does display a real problem that a lot of people have and I think could have been well done if set up correctly. She shows an undying persistence that gets her too close, and makes her increasingly incapable. She lets her frustration hinder her progress (again, fire personality trait), and I think that’s interesting because I don’t think ninjago has done this character arc yet. The supposed solution to this problem is that she just needs to… care less? And yes, I kind of see where they were going with this, we sometimes cloud our natural potential by thinking about it too much, but saying “you need to stop caring” is the absolute wrong way to word it. Caring is not her problem, the problem is her control over the emotions that come from her caring. Caring is a good thing, and teaching kids that if you’re ambivalent about your problems, they’ll go away is not a good message. What she needs to do is take a step back. She needs to take a break, stop to think, and look at the big picture instead of hyper focusing on the roadblock directly in front of her. The usual and much better wording of the moral I think they were going for is “stop overthinking things”. Teaching kids to look at a problem from a different angle and give themselves time to cool down is a great thing. And just think of it, in the climax she could have this ah-ha moment where she steps back and looks at the bigger picture - the whole town, surrounded by the ocean - and gets the idea to sink the preeminent into the water, you could even easily tie that back into the bucket exercise, and that’s what triggers her true potential rather than the current… I’m honestly not sure what. Random flashbacks and the end of the season approaching quickly. Alternatively, you could tie it more directly into samurai x, and make her struggle with letting go of the past and allowing yourself to give up something good in your life to progress to something better. Anyway, I don’t think this was a bad decision long term, she needed to be solidified on the team as a full fledged ninja, I just think this season doesn’t handle the transition that well. Anyway, whatever, I’ll be waiting for your hate comments in the notes.

Romance

Um… there’s none this season? Like there’s a few Wusako moments that are still as weird as they were in season 2, but they’re really not prevalent. There’s also the Jay seeing the future thing which has some weird implications next season (again, some interesting connective tissue between seasons), but that’s about it. Maybe that’s part of why I don’t love this season? Like where’s the pixane? Lol, I’m kidding. But maybe that’s why a lot of people do like it. If you don’t like the canon ships… this is a nice little safe haven for you. Rare for a majority of the series.

Villains

So Morro is a good idea… in theory. I know he’s the fandom’s favorite edgy boy, but idk I think the brand of angsty teen they ended up with was more of an angsty 13 year old than 17 year old. His voice is really grating and I always want to yell at him to just… go get some cough drops. Stop throat screaming, use your diaphragm man! Also, everyone goes on about his last minute redemption, but as far as season 5 goes, he has like half a second of a change of heart. Literally, when Wu comes over and he’s drowning, he’s still being a persistent little idiot like “you never cared about me nooooo!” and it’s only at the last possible second that gives him the crystal, and even that he does it kind of saltily. The preeminent is pretty cool, I like her concept, her design, all that. All the other ghosts are fine I guess. Nothing super memorable out of them, although their aesthetic, especially when there’s a bunch of them swarming around is pretty cool. One last thing was I never understood how Morro “becoming the green ninja” worked and what exactly it was that… did for him? Like he didn’t actually get the power of energy, right? I don’t remember him using it. Did just him defeating Lloyd make him the green ninja? How does that transfer work? And why did he need it to take over the world or realms or whatever? Like I get that it’s supposed to give him more power and what not but idk, it wasn’t super clear. That’s a minor thing though.

Climax

Pretty cool. I like the ATMOSPHERE. Green light is a hard thing to use and justify correctly, but it works really well here, especially with the dark kinda gray blue sky complimenting it. When the preeminent starts walking into the ocean, it’s genuinely terrifying, but you understand exactly how it works and why she’s strong enough to do it. Nya’s true potential is again a little out of left field and could have had some better motivation put behind it. Like what is it Nya learned in that instant? To not be afraid to protect people? She’s… been doing that. Idk. I’ve hit on that enough for now. Overall, there was good variety. I like the green ninja fake out, I like the realm hopping, I even like the little Garmadon visit and Lloyd getting the robe. I feel like we didn’t need a part one and two, you could have had different titles. I mean come on. But hey, now we know, if Pix had only been there, the whole climax would have been wrapped up in like 10 minutes apparently. Pix for the win.

Humor

Really good. Like I’m surprised how much I laughed. Jay wasn’t annoying humor, it was good stuff, there were some good running gags, there’s a solid fourth wall joke about who the lead ninja is at the beginning of the season. Overall, I am pretty impressed. My favorite joke was perhaps the bit where Jay is sarcastically positive, the voice acting is just really solid. Then again, there’s also the whole Borg scene where he roasts half the ninja, that’s solid stuff right there. There’s just some really solid character interaction this season and the humor feels a lot more natural and less forced.

Drama

Okay, we’ve got a lot this season. Y’all know how I feel about Nya’s arc by now. It does not work for me. Ronin’s relationship with her is alright, but kind of comes out of nowhere. Ronin’s solo plot about kinda working for the ghosts works. Cole’s ghost angst works for the most part, although I wish he would have actually skipped a mission and then gone in to help save his friends once they can’t do it without him. That was probably the most solid drama of the season. The other main thing we have this season is Kai’s whole… fear/protective streak. This also doesn’t really work for me. Like, I get that Lloyd and Kai are friends and stuff, like his whole true potential was centered around Lloyd. But like, why does it have to be framed so weirdly? Sometimes in trying to make it seem like Kai is protective of him, it seems like the other ninja just like… don’t care about him? Not all the time, but there are some weird vibes. Also, it doesn’t really go anywhere. No one learns anything about themselves from this subplot, nothing comes of it, there isn’t really a payoff. Also, Kai has yet another irrational fear, this time of water, which really comes right the hell out of nowhere. They try to explain it away like “Oh, Kai feels powerless and so water can get to him” but like… what? That’s the exact situation he was in at the end of season 2 and he seemed perfectly content to literally swim across the ocean (which um… what do you mean the sworn protector of ninjago can’t swim?). Where is this coming from?! Again, it doesn’t really go anywhere, there’s not a point where he has to learn to confront it or he grows because of it. It’s just pointless stuff added cuz the writers like giving Kai vague trails to try and develop him. The cloud kingdom is kinda cool. That last minute twist about them working with Morro is… stupid and unnecessary though. 

Spotlight Episode

I really like the Spinjitzu master tomb episode. Some cool riddles, I like the first two rooms a lot. I do think the third room is a bit strange. Like, the clue was “don’t look ahead” and the solution was to look beneath them, which is the exact same solution as the previous room. Like, you already have magic ice that shows the future, why not play into that? Don’t look ahead could maybe mean don’t look to the future, the opposite of that being the past. Maybe they have to draw on their past adventures to solve it somehow? Learning from the past is a good lesson, right? But overall, I really like it. Some real solid humor this episode. This episode has the sarcastic Jay optimism, Kai totally stalling for time, Zane dealing a pretty sick burn on Cole, just a lot of fun stuff. I like it. It just has great energy and nothing feels like it’s drawn out for too long.

Misc

The aesthetic this season… can be inconsistent, but the main ghost vibe displayed in the opening theme is really solid and I really like it

Speaking of the opening, Ghost wip is great and the opening in on par with last season’s (which is my fav) for sure

Ice age references… okay.

Chima references…. OKAY...

Okay, but like Deepstone can… kill ghosts? Or not? Is it just something ghosts can touch? It’s supposed to be like water in weapon form, right? Like that’s how I understood it when they first introduced it. Wouldn’t the deepstone bars kill Ghoultar then? And then like, Cole’s bike is made of deepstone. He uses it as a weapon. Wouldn’t it kill him? It kills other ghosts when they touch it. How… how does it work?! I need answers!!!

The captain of the steam boat says they’re going as fast as possible, but later Ronin comes in and cranks it up like twice as fast… that always bothered me like, why would he lie about that? Who is this captain and why is he so chill about everyone’s lives?! And then later Wu cranks it up yet again, like the ship had slowed down to it’s previous speed. What the hell is happening with the controls of this ship???

So pissed that the nasty CGI nightmare cloud monster that chases the ninja is named Nimbus. Totally forgot about that. I have an OC with a cat named Nimbus… I promise, there is not going to be a stupid twist bout the cat being the monster thing in Mists of Fate. That would be very stupid.

I was all excited that season 13 gave us minecart chases, but I totally forgot season 5 gave us one first. I really like the return to the caves of despair btw, good reuse of a known location.

How many times this season did we do the: 

Kai: Oh, I don’t like water, I can’t do it uwu  Cole: ...You serious?

Thanks for reading! And if you got this far… I don’t know. I would love to hear your thoughts if you have any! These are just my opinions, so don’t think too much of it if you disagree.

-Kitten

[25centsoda]

Initial Thoughts

Mister Impossible spoilers under the cut! 

Okay I am still feral but can use real human words now (like a human not a dream-- okay okay sorry) SO here are my disorganized first thoughts having just put the book down about twenty minutes ago, expect little in the way of chronological order

I was not jazzed about the book when I first got it, gonna be honest. The title, okay I guess, I can understand - the song Mister Impossible is a banger and definitely fits the mood. Would’ve prefered a line from the song rather than the title, which is, as some have pointed out, a bit more of an action-novel title than what we were expecting from the Dreamer Trilogy. But fine. Okay. 

Then I read the summary in the inside flap and I went :/ Hmm. Sounds a bit too high-stakes for me - listen, finding one dead king? Fixing one local ley line? That I can vibe with. Finding another dreamer a city over? Underground criminal magic market? Cool. Tangible. Fantastical! But tangible. World-ending stakes? I’m sorry, you’ve kinda lost me? But okay, okay, I trust Mrs. Stiefvater, I want to know more about dreamers and dreams, I’ll bite. 

The three quotes that come before the story itself? Another :/ Another hmm, okay. I’m not terribly jazzed. It’s not caught me. Even the first page! Didn’t catch me. I had to intentionally set aside critical-mode as I started the book

*takes a moment to set aside critical mode again because I did genuinely enjoy this book*

MATTHEW AND HIS CRISES, AA. Poor boy. “Was I made to be this way, or am I this way because I am me? How much free will do I even have? How much does it even matter? How much does anything even matter?” My philosophy phase last summer would’ve totally vibed with you, my dude *fistbump*

ALL OF THE MODERATORS EXCEPT CARMEN WERE DREAMS???? I’M SORRY?????? WHAT

No seriously they were all dreams?!?!? Since when?? Since how?? If they’re killing Zeds, were they killing all but their own Zed?? Did they all have sweetmetals?? Did Ronan dream them, too?????

If so that’s incredibly fucked up

SPEAKING OF SWEETMETALS

Bro what was that. I’m sorry but what was that.

Listen okay it makes sense in the context of the story I guess, but I couldn’t help but read it more as a part of her metaphor for like “dreamers are artists” and I totally get where she’s coming from looking at it as part of the metaphor, especially considering her recent/semi-recent health issues BUT as a story? Idk I just didn’t feel like I could mesh it with the story itself, see it as a thing on its own outside of the metaphor

TRC I could see both the metaphors and the story. CDTH I could see both the metaphor and the story. All The Crooked Saints I could see both the metaphor and the story. Here I was having trouble

Speaking of the metaphor

Why was Ronan committing ecoterrorism

I was almost getting like. Idk y’all read the latter half of Maximum Ride? We were edging into that territory where we were losing the thread of the story in the metaphor. Anyways

BRYDE

BRYDE

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I had to go scream at a friend when I read that part!!! Ronan dreamt himself a father figure, a teacher, a leader!! I’m FERAL

This part I felt was well-done

But BROOOOOOOOOOOOO, a dream that is also a dreamer???? WHAT. The power that takes, the power that has. Unstoppable.

MATTHEW FELL ASLEEP AT THE END AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Wait tho what was that at the end. I do not understand.

I get why Hennessy killed the ley line

BUT WHY DID MAGGIE

I saw Ronan and his dreamt fire and his internal conflict/angst. I saw Hennessy and her lace. Get it.

BUT WHERE DOES IT MAKE SENSE THAT ALL THE LEY LINES SHOULD DIE. WEREN’T WE GIVING MATTHEW AND JORDAN FREEDOM. WEREN’T WE WAKING BACK UP THE ARTISTS OF THE WORLD.

And Matthew was gonna go to school and be a real person instead of his brothers’ pet T_T

How could they do this to my sweet boy

And the book ended with Jordan??? I didn’t feel like she was a main-main character, enough to be ended on like that?? I thought the Dreamer Trilogy was about the dreamers primarily and dreams secondarily. CDTH even opens with stuff about the Lynch brothers (fantastic, btw, still catches me and gets me excited with the very first line even after three reads and about two years)

this is saltier than I intended whoops

Also

Also

Carmen and Lilliana

Appreciate the lesbians! Very much appreciate it. Feeeeeelin like it fell a little flat. Idk I saw possibility for more in the last book, maybe, but this book went from “hint of hint of space for development” to “they are KISSING, they are RUNNING AWAY TOGETHER, they are PAINFULLY OBVIOUSLY DATING”

Lowkey where did that come from

And where was Adam aaaaaaaaaa. I was worried about him! What happened to him! But then turns out Ronan just threw his phone away too fast bro, Ronan, plz 

I think that’s it? I think that’s it. No wait I did really like Jordan and Declan, that was nice. Henessey’s characterization was well-done I think; she be self-destructive and #struggling and desperately in need of some lesbian aunts (good for her on getting them).  ADORED Matthew and his personality and crises. Overall the book was just not the vibe I was expecting/necessarily came for; the stakes were too big, I think, was the most major issue.

What I’ll be looking for in the next book

WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW THAT THE LEY LINES ARE DEAD. Will Matthew be okay? Will Ronan be okay? We established that he doesn’t work without a ley line, right, boy just nightwashes out of life?

ALL OF THE MODERATERS WERE DREAMS??? MRS STIEFVATER EXPLAIN

Ronan just. Did a bunch of ecoterrorism. For nothing? What’s up with that lol. Is somebody gonna arrest him

Opal was mentioned but we never saw her. Where is she? Is she okay?

HOW IS JORDAN AWAKE, WHAT. Is the sweetmetal, like, inside her now, because she made one? Also why did we end on her. I feel like “It was a very nice day/she felt awake” is a VERY different mood from the devastation we were just reading. Matthew slipped out of consciousness AND HE WASN’T EVEN A KING. Like this was TRK-level dramatic but then our last bite of story was not that. I Must understand.

Somebody better talk to Ronan bro seriously kid needs therapy, he made his own father/mentor/leader figure. Declan was worried Ronan joined a cult but turns out boy made one. Plz help him

Hennessy better be vibing. She doesn’t have the Lace to contend with anymore

I think that’s it legit! This was waaaaaaay longer than I thought it would be lmao and less comprehensible/deep but hopefully in the future I will be back with more organized thoughts because boy does this book invite them (and no those thoughts will not be majority salt)

[artificiary-fr]

ok so arti’s unnecessary opinion time

Just wanna give a disclaimer that these are just my sort of thoughts in general, and are in no way an attempt to demean, attack, or cause drama about any artist or staff member, or community member. Just kind of what I’ve observed and come to the questions/conclusions of. I got a little opinionated at the end but I tried not to single anyone out save for I think, one unnamed example? 

I’ll put everything under the cut here, because I know I have a tendency to get wordy (and spoiler: It did. This is a super long post, I’m sorry). So, here we go...

TL;DR: I like the gene, I’ll wait for the revamp before giving a concrete opinion, there were definitely some issues, I appreciate that staff took note/action, more communication like this or the dev streams is good (though communication between staff/community is a Thing unto itself of which I probably have a Disliked Take on and that was the really long part that isn’t necessary to read)

Okay before anything: the familiars. They’re super pretty! I like the recolors, and now I’m gonna have to grind the Kelp Beds for those boss fams. Dang. I love the kitty golem recolor.

With that out of the way, here we are - the subject of today’s discussions... Glowtail.

So, my first opinion: It’s not a bad gene! I can see some curious use for it, certainly. But there are some problems with it (and yes; I am aware staff has addressed this and pulled it to fix those problems! That’ll be more relevant later on here c: )

Note One: I think I do understand why it is a gem gene. Yes, design/thematically it does appear to fit the bill of a Baldwin Gene more. But I’d like to posit it’s the completion of a gem-gene set - Wasp/Bee/Glowtail. So in that regard, it makes sense!

Note Two: My personal opinion with the gene is that I like it, but it feels... hm. Plain isn’t correct. Like it’s missing something, I guess? I wish the segmenting was a little more prominent, and that the glow or gradient had a little more glitz/glamor, maybe some glitteries around the hips, to really sell it as a gem gene. I do like the glow we have on the other bits of dragon like light reflection, though, because it adds a little bit of dimension! All in all however even so, I do like it, and I won’t cement my opinion until we see what their updated version looks like in the future.

Note Three (The Problems): The art errors. What... what happened here?

As we’ve noticed, male snappers and male tundras are the two big offenders, with large chunks of color erroneously sitting outside the lineart quite noticeably. There is also part of the ‘glow’ (the aforementioned light reflection) that doesn’t make sense - being on parts of the dragon where it shouldn’t be, like on the front of wings where the tail is not in front of said limb, but behind.

But like... how did this not get caught before it got posted? Was it a time crunch, or it just... didn’t get quality checked before this happened? It’s really unfortunate. :c

Something I do with my art - and this is just my own process/thoughts - is when I’ve put down the base color, before I do any shading/highlights/big details, I pop a layer underneath the entire drawing and fill it with a high contrast color to the palette. That way any bits where I missed coloring in - or didn’t clean up outside the lines - becomes super noticeable, and I can fix it then instead of being a problem later. Maybe doing something like this before throwing the gene through the color automation process would’ve helped?

Last Note:

I feel like part of why these errors went unnoticed is because of how often, and sometimes how rushed, some of these updates have been - and this has been more noticeable in this year than otherwise. Is it because of community dissent with wanting more updates creating more crunch? Due to low-attention reticence creating a need for pushing more ad revenue / more “come to the site there’s new”?

I’m unsure, but it’s unfortunate nonetheless. I think staff, and FR as a whole, would benefit from like... hm. How to word this...

Maybe taking more time on updates / a more extended schedule so things aren’t as crunch (of course this being said, I don’t know what the workload is like so I can’t even say if crunch is applicable), and more open communication? Like how the dev streams were going - that was pretty well liked and everyone I know got pretty excited to see em and how the art was doing. It also opened up the avenue for more open communication / more nuanced opinions or thoughts.

---

But herein lies the huge issue, I think, with communication. This is the part where I’d like to reiterate, this is just my observations, and is not intended as an attack, a vaguepost, or deliberate callout at anybody. There’s no malicious intent here. This bit could also be construed as drama I suppose, and I apologize for that because again - not the intent. Just my take.

I’ve noticed posts going ‘no drama please’ or being tired when new updates come out of like, ‘oh boy here comes the negativity’ so I don’t think it’s just me who’s seen it, but have you guys noticed when anything new comes out, there’s an immediate rush of extreme salt and negativity?

And I don’t mean posts where its like “it’s not for me” or “I don’t like it but here’s [detailed/explained reason why]” - those are the nuanced opinions I mean. Those are fine. I mean the ones where people in forums, or on the more prolific drama blogs, are just.... mean/empty? Like “FUCK staff I hate how lazy they are with this it’s shitty looking” - that really vocal generally super salty in general minority of the community. Just hate without explanation, or just kind of aimless generalized attack/complaint.

I think that’s where communication with Staff fell off the bandwagon. The really loud, really vocal minority of folks who throw super salt or yell “This Sucks You Suck” completely overshadow the people who are well intentioned with sharing their opinions or problems/criticisms. The toxic bits and really vitriolic words are what gets seen and noticed. I think this is the majority of what gets heard, which is why communication got so closed off / shut down unless positive, in recent times. Do I agree with that? No, I don’t either - but I’m just looking at this from the outside. Idk how staff feels or thinks.

And this goes for both people who don’t like the content, and people that do.

Remember that the Keel thread got locked because someone who was white-knighting started getting real nasty with people in the thread, and going to extremes insulting artists who did mock-ups to help visualize their thoughts/opinions and was just being a real douche?

What I really wish was that we could have more open communication. Some of the things I really liked to see were like: Dev Streams, Community Updates/Q&A, Opinion Polls, That Update Progress on Breed/Gene Progress from a while back. All of that was excellent. And I like to see the community responding in well thought out ways! I like to see staff more hands on too! We’re only human and love this site and our dragons and want to see it at it’s best - but they’re also only human, and make mistakes, and we don’t know what’s goin on in there, just out here.

Trello is a really good way to kind of show that communication, and is transparent, but isn’t free-to-use for businesses, so... of course I also don’t know how Stormlight Workshop runs their business/hours so I’m just blowing hot smoke. But anyway, I think everyone would benefit from slowing down and opening up. If things are going slow, that’s okay - if Staff opens up to the community and says “This is taking longer than expected, but here’s upcoming releases / current in-progresses” I think we’d be like oh okay things are happening and it’ll be nice! As compared to everyone gets super antsy, nothing’s happening, no-one is talking... and then we get hit with a bunch of updates, some of which, like today’s, have... issues.

Of course then I worry that with more open talking or “we’re experiencing delays” the more vitriolic will get even angrier/saltier which doesn’t... help... but I mean... yeah. 

ANYWAY so I’ve written a full dissertation essay here without really intending to (see? I warned y’all! I ramble/don’t shut up ahahaha) so I’m gonna just stop myself here before I start going in circles. This last chunk I don’t really know what the meat of what I was trying to say was, now, I think. Sorry about that. It was just “here’s my stream of consciousness” apparently ^^;;;;

Have a good evening y’all! Thanks for listenin’ to my (rant?) if y’all made it this far. You’re appreciated and thank you for letting me bend your ears! Stay safe in this crazy world, hang in there, and have a good one!

[utopianvoices]

limerence | h.hyunjin

↭ genre: friends to lovers au; fluff

↭ word count: 1.9k

↭ a/n: uh, so this isn’t my best? but idk i felt like i needed to give y’all, my babies, something T^T hope y’all still like it xx (p.s also not proofread) 

↭ prompts: “I want my best friend back.” - “Kevin is over there.”

⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅

“For the well-being of my ears, stop honking so many damn times. I heard you the first time,” you shouted, as you rushed down the steps of your house to get to the black Mazda parked in front of your house. Just as those words left your mouth, another blare rang in your ears, signifying your best friend’s defiance to your words.

That little piece of shit.

"I swear, Grandma moves faster than you,” Hyunjin called out, rolling his eyes at your disorganised self. 

“Okay, Grandma is in a whole different league. That woman still goes for marathons, for God’s sake. I can’t even run a mile without wanting to cough a lung out,” you defend yourself, as an image of Hyunjin’s grandmother flashed through your head.

“Pig,” the boy beside you scoffed, as he pushed down on the accelerator after making sure your seat belt was on — a habit he had formed over the many years of friendship with you.

This was your normal morning routine; your best friend screaming at you to hurry up as you both drive to school, taking turns to play your favourite songs. No words exchanged during this ride, unless one of you had to absolutely insult the other’s choice of songs. It was a time of peace and quiet for the both of you before school hits you full force — and it was your favourite part of the day.

Even on the weekends, when you are free from the horror of slamming lockers and sweaty jocks, Hyunjin is almost over at your house all time. So much so, that it’s weird if you don’t see him every waking minute of your life. 

"Oh yea, you know there’s a new transfer student joining us today. Apparently, he’s going to be in your class,” Hyunjin broke the silence, as he turned into the school’s carpark. 

“Oh? How’d you know?” you asked, curious. This wasn’t just some information that would be pinned up on the notice board for the whole school to see. But his answer explained everything to you. 

“Minho.”

“Ah,” you say, disbelief filling your voice. Lee Minho was captain of your school’s dance team, the one Hyunjin was one. Although being a senior, Minho was really close to Hyunjin, therefore growing close to you as well. That boy was the epitome of a gossip girl, just that he wasn’t a girl. He was the first one to obtain any kind of information that he deemed interesting. Always managed to charm anyone into spilling any kind of information, that boy. 

“Anyway, I’ll meet you by your locker after school. We can go get ice cream. My treat,” the boy beside you states, not expecting a ‘no’ as an answer. Not that you were going to deny his invitation for free food. You would never deny free food.

✼ •• ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ •• ✼

“Class, today we’ve got a new student joining us. His name is Kevin Lee, and he’ll be part of this class from now on. Let’s welcome him,” your teacher drawls out, soullessly, as you look at the boy standing in front of the class smiling awkwardly. Hmm, cute.

Once the sound of half-hearted claps died down, your teacher instructed the boy to take an empty seat anywhere, causing his eyes to scan the classroom for potential seat candidates. Front seat? Nope, too intimidating. That empty seat on the third row? An ideal place, but the boy sitting next to that empty seat didn’t look like someone who had much patience. The only available empty seat was next to you, and you looked kind enough to throw him a smile as you made eye contact, so his legs carried him towards you, causing your smile to grow wider. 

As he took a seat next to you, you lean over and whisper a “Welcome to hell” to him, causing him to let out a soft chuckle and shake his head. 

Over the next few periods, you opened up more and more to Kevin, and him to you, and you would be lying if you said that you weren’t enjoying yourself. As the school day came to an end, and everybody was rushing out of the classrooms, your new friend and you were having the time of your lives, laughing at each other’s lame jokes and puns.

“Wow, you’re seriously one of a kind, Y/n. Wanna go get some coffee?” he asked, wiping any stray tears that had escaped his eyes from laughing too hard.

“Sure!” you replied, as you took your phone out to contact your poor best friend who was waiting by your locker, after denying Minho and Jisung’s invitation to play Mario Kart over at Minho’s place.

lil shit: yoO jin, can we get ice cream another day? the new guy’s in my class and he’s super hilarious i’m about to go get coffee with him! tol shit: wtf bro, it’s friday and it’s always ice cream day! ლಠ益ಠ)ლ lil shit: aww c’mon jinnie, it’s just one friday!! i’ll definitely spend more time with you tomorrow! tol shit: you better

A sigh escapes Hyunjin’s lips as he slips his phone into his pocket, and turns to walk towards the exit when he hears a distinct laugh coming from the end of the hallway. Looking up, he sees you and your new friend, laughing and seemingly having the time of your lives. A new feeling he had never felt before filled his body, making him feel a hundred times warmer, and he had no idea why.

All he knew is that he didn’t like that boy.

✼ •• ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ •• ✼

lil shit: hyunjin!! sorry dude but i can’t make it today! kevin wants to go see that new horror movie that’s coming out! i know you don’t like horror movies so i’ll just see ya tmrw at school! love you x

It was the fifth time. The fifth time that you had ditched Hyunjin to go spend time with Kevin. It was simple, really. All Hyunjin had to do was open his mouth and tell you what he had been feeling the past few weeks, but it was an impossible feat for him, for fear that things would go really wrong and he’d lose his precious friendship with you. So he turned to Minho for help.

“Man, you really got to speak with her about this. It’s gonna end really bad if you keep hiding everything within you,” Minho says, chewing on a piece of french fry as he sees Hyunjin tugging at the ends of his hair in frustration. 

“I know I do, I know. But it’s not as easy as you say it is! Every time I see them together, my blood just boils and I don’t even know why. It’s like I wanna punch something,” Hyunjin despaired, as words — describing what he didn’t even know he was feeling — spilled out of his mouth.

“Do you like her?” 

Hyunjin froze, his hand hanging in the air as his fingers hovered inches away from the nugget he was just about to pick up. Confusion grew in him, as his heart started hammering against his chest, each beat resounding clearly in his ears.

Did he like you?

The possibility that he had a crush on someone he had known for the majority of his life never crossed his mind; all he knew was that he clearly didn’t enjoy seeing you with some guy that he knew almost nothing about. He also knew that he loved seeing you smile, and he hated seeing you cry, doing anything he had to see your beautiful smile again. He knew that you were the first one he would reach out to, even if it was the simplest most trivial thing bothering him, and you that you would never judge him. Maybe he did like you, after all. 

With a resigned sigh, he left out a soft “maybe”, causing a smirk to blossom on his friend’s face.

“Well, it’s time you told Y/n about it,” Minho said. “What? No, I can’t. She might end up hating me,” was what Hyunjin countered with, causing Minho to roll his eyes.

“What does this look like? A sappy romance movie? Get yourself together, Hwang Hyunjin. She hasn’t run away even after seeing you in the morning, she definitely isn’t going to run away now.” Minho retorted, earning him a hard smack on his arm. 

“I’ll see about it,” is what Hyunjin says, before gathering his things and leaving Minho alone in the booth. 

Walking home alone, eyes darting here and there to distract himself from the thought of you, he spots two familiar figures sitting at his and your favourite diner, seemingly having the time of their lives as they laughed at a joke. Subconsciously clenching his fist, he marched home, all thoughts of confessing to you erased from his head as jealousy took over him. 

Let’s see how she’ll take this silent treatment she’s going to get. 

✼ •• ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ •• ✼

A few days later, the fact that you hadn’t been spending as much time hit you, as you made your way over to his locker to finally see your handsome best friend.

“Hyuuuuunjin, it’s been so long! I missed you,” you said, throwing your arms around the boy in front of you, expecting him to return your hug. But all you received was silence.

“Hyunjin? What’s wrong?” you asked, concerned, because Hyunjin never ignored you. 

Silence.

“A-are you ignoring me?”

More silence. But it didn’t last long.

“You are the one who started ignoring me first,” he finally replied softly, hurt evident in his voice. Your heart painfully ached at his tone, as it finally dawned on you that you had, in fact, been ignoring your best friend.

“I... I don’t know what to say, Hyunjin. I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to ignore you? It’s just that Kevin had been helping me with something that I was worried about and you know-”

“Yeah, I get it. Don’t worry about it. You can go back to him now,” Hyunjin replied curtly, going back to organising his locker.

You let out a sigh as you wrapped a hand around his wrist. “But I want my best friend back.”

“Kevin’s over there,” is what you got as a reply.

Although caught in an upsetting situation, you couldn’t help but roll your eyes at his pettiness. 

“Do you want to know why I was talking to Kevin? It’s because I had feelings for my best friend and I didn’t know what to do about it,” you stated, finally letting go off his wrist.

“Yeah yeah, I get it, you love spending time with- wait what?” Hyunjin questioned, as he spun around, surprised by this news.

“You like... me?” he asked, pointing to himself for extra confirmation. 

“No, I like that locker behind you. Of course it’s you, dipshit.” You said, rolling your eyes once again at his stupidity.

Without any control, the words spilled out of Hyunjin’s mouth. “I don’t know, it could’ve always been Kevin,”

You stared at him, irritation growing in you as you give up and turn away, spitting out a “You know what? Forget it. I don’t know why I even trie-”

But you were cut off by your favourite boy pulling you into his arms, wrapping himself around you as you automatically melted into his arms, almost by instinct. 

“Well, your best friend wants you to know that he likes you too,” he said, leaving a soft kiss on the top of your head and pulling you even closer to him.

“Who? Kevin?”

∞ end ∞

[martiniblves]

mijoo and her iconic entrances DFKLSJGDF

yes, i really am recycling the intro some of you probably Just caught when you followed me DGSFLJLGSD

hey y’all, i’m kat, english student and an old hag :/ also slowly coming down from an anxiety moment, hence only deleting old shit now and potentially going rogue from my blog for the night after posting this ( aka, best if y'all send me your d*scord users bc it's much easier for me there ) sfdgjgfd i’m super excited for this group and can’t wait to read all about your muses !  and hoping you feel the same, i’ll get right to introducing avalon bay’s resident messy brat, dahlia !

[ lee mijoo ] dahlia kim, twenty-four, cis female, she/her, radio dj — a world-class traveler in the making, self-proclaimed “ reformed ” groupie, has been a tennant at avalon bay for two years, her cherry blaster obsession is the sweetest thing about her, she slept with an ex-best friend’s roommate and crush as revenge. [ kat, 22, nt, she/her ]

she often goes between dahlia and dia, first and foremost sdfglkj

came from a super small town in upstate new york where there wasn’t much to do or much to see, so growing up she had an adventurous streak that would run rampant when she was able to go off by herself, able to drive, and finally able to leave it behind

her family life was rather average, her parents scraped by financially but her and her two younger siblings never really went without — aside from a toy or two at christmas or a brand new car for their sixteenth birthdays sfgkljgdf

gets on fine with them, but her and her little/middle sister have had an on-and-off contentious relationship that, at the moment, is very much ON SDFGFG

small town life was.. okay overall, she was social Enough and polite but never really maintained any close relationships with her childhood pals once high school came and went, mostly bc the town was full of gossips so everyone thought poorly of each other and passed it onto their kids LSKFDGJGDFL

and yes, i’m kinda basing this off of the antics of adults from my hometown, what about it ??

she spent most of her formative years with her head in the clouds and music always around her or on her mind

so you bet she wound up taking guitar and piano lessons when she was a kid and well into her teens, and dare i say she was pretty good at it fsdglkjgdf

having that skill gave her the boost of confidence she needed from middle school onward, having been a tad reserved before then

idk what else to add bc i honestly can’t think of anything else about her past Before moving away. dull as hell probably, more than it’s already been said LKGSDF

upon moving to the city, she attended nyu just to keep her parents from completely losing their minds over her not.. wanting to go on a sure path, majoring in communications and spending much of her time as a dj for the campus radio station’s late night shows

soon began searching for dj gigs at major radio stations once she’d graduated and landed a spot as an intern to meet with artists the station wished to interview, etc, and even had an opportunity or two to interview them herself

through that job, she became more exposed to the groupie lifestyle and — having always been somewhat intrigued — soon became one ( of sorts ) 

sorry if you’re a fan of h*lsey bc this might come across as a dig, but this is where she becomes the chill version of groupie!h*lsey that h*lsey wishes she had been DFLSKJDGSFL

she liked the attention from drummers, singers and rappers alike — plus having sex with talented, rich people whenever they were in town didn’t hurt one bit — and she kept it all separate from her job, although it did help the station land more interviews, tickets for contests, etc

wasn’t big on hard drugs, but she never shied away from a bong being handed to her or a couple of xanax tablets, just so we’re clear here sdflkgjfdgk

however, the no-strings set-up quickly shifted for dahlia upon meeting a rising indie band’s lead singer

he was smooth as hell, which she already knew alongside his tendency to get bored easily with fangirls-turned-groupies like the rest of the musicians she’d met, so when she played along with his game, it didn’t take long for him to maintain an interest in her and for them to forge something of a friendship

she’d never admit it to anyone, but he was her first love as the initial sexual attraction very quickly became romantic after long conversations about music and aspirations, mundane happenings in their lives separate from their encounters and who should’ve won immunity on the recent ep of masterchef; dia knew he wouldn’t settle down now and she knew that while she was his number one at that point, she wasn’t the only one he had. a couple of months passed where it seemed like he was going only to her, that his interest rarely waned to the other girls that would swarm him, which led her to believe he was at least somewhat into her and to her confessing when they were both drunk one night — only to be shut down but not shut out

dejected and heartbroken, she still couldn’t quite distance herself from him like she knew she should and the front she put up — that she exaggerated her feelings and would get over it — made him none the wiser

however, he couldn’t get over the thought of his fwb still being in love with him and cut ties with her abruptly before his nth departure from nyc

it took her right out of her bubble, left a horrible taste in her mouth to even go back to being a groupie for others over how poorly it all went with him, so she abandoned the sexual aspect and potential intimacy of it — but not before taking herself completely out of that lifestyle for a few months to get over him

which.. lbr, she’s only 90% of the way there to this day sfdlkkdfsgl

upon going back, she showed up to shows and parties solely as a friend of the performer.... before that got old Quick and she realized how soul-sucking it was for her sexually frustrated And repressed ass KFSLJGS

though ask her pals and they’d think she’d given it up altogether, hence her supposedly being reformed

.. at least she isn’t indulging in drugs like she occasionally used to, so that counts for something lksdfjlgdf

as for her time in radio, she got promoted to a morning slot as a dj with a couple of co-hosts last year, though once an afternoon slot opened, she high-tailed it out of there

anything to get back to her chill, late night roots and this was the first step

lastly, she moved to avalon bay 2 years ago, after uni was done and she had to move out of the dorms. in that time, she’d become best friends with another girl and had a massive falling out bc the other was. well. changing for the worst sgfjgfd

she became selfish, judgmental, advantageous and disloyal, and soon dia had enough of her hypocritical and generally nasty antics ( and not without a brutal argument that left both of their egos bruised )

dahlia isn’t always one for petty revenge, but when the ex-bff’s roommate and crush — who dia had a slight interest in as well — bumped into her in the hallway of their dorm one night, she took her chance to knock the other down a peg by initiating a flirtatious conversation that quickly turned sexual

with her ex-bff being on the other side of the wall of said roommate’s room

safe to say that their ( final ) conversation in the morning was a fucking disaster SDFLGKJGFDK

it’s not something she’s entirely ashamed about, but dia doesn’t feel the need to disclose what happened

PERSONALITY AND OTHER SHIT

she loves her friends, would die for them, would kill for them. let’s get that straight first and foremost !

does that mean she’s the nicest or even the most tolerable person ?? fuck no SFGLJGKDF

i described her to one of my pals as a “ chaotic free-spirit with a mean streak when she doesn’t get her way, ” which. could also describe a couple of my bitchier muses tbh FLDKGJDS

but she’s stubborn, irritable and has a sense of high self-worth and self-preservation

she obviously has an attitude that can and will come out if you hurt her or someone she cares about/someone she thinks doesn’t deserve it

or if you think you’re a god or something

and it can get ugly.. as explained above dfskgdgkf

however, we love confident women on this blog and here you have one !

she’s chill for the most part, so you ( probably ) won’t have anything to worry about if you stay on her good side gfsdkljgfd

passionate af about radio and music as a career, wants to have a gig like zane lowe’s beats hosting job or even annie mac’s one day

although she also wishes to put out music of her own at least Once before she dies dfgsljdfgk

bit of a wild child, likes to party and just do her own thing — partially bc she’s scared of getting older and having to give that all up/being forced to act her age

doesn’t mean she doesn’t like her quiet nights in though !

closet romantic, just wants to be swept off of her feet..... but no one needs to know that, at least she doesn’t think so FSDJKGFD

won't let you see it anyways, at least unless she's Interested and knows you're not someone who's only useful for her in the short-term

also quietly doting, will never be the mom friend bc it’s too much responsibility and patience, but will always be a good shoulder to cry on who tells you your feelings are valid before she tells you to toughen the fuck up and amend a situation yourself, might even tell you how

some exceptions may apply FDLSJGSFLK

a bit vulgar at times, just warning you now fgldskf

wants to see the world and has travelled a little as it is bc of her connections. loves it

JFKDGS

has a pet succulent bc she Knows she can't look after the big fluffy dog of her dreams rn

named him bobby after one of the characters from the love island game DFLKGSJF

i honestly dk what else to add rn, plus i’m eager af to post this so we’ll end it here ! cute extras can always be posted later !

[96percentdone]

this is gonna be probably a severely incoherent ramble of several different things. Feel free to ignore.

this blog has gotten like too discoursey. Not that I’m ever going to stop having opinions, it’s in my god damn description but that’s not ever what I really wanted to be. I didn’t wanna be caught up in explaining why xyz is terrible. It’s all so fucking negative negative negative.

To be clear I think a lot of the dangan ronpa fandom has fuckin issues. it’s the same with any fandom: a lack of understanding of larger issues, a flawed understanding of fiction’s relationship to reality, and a priority of personal happiness over other people’s pain. Every fandom is like this and it’s just tiring to talk about all the time as tiring as it is to see all these bad takes and opinions all the time. I’m really fucking exhausted. 

I thought about making a discourse blog. then maybe y’all would stop unfollowing me. I can’t even blame you like even if you agree with me I wouldn’t wanna see all that discourse either. it’s exhausting. but even if I make a discourse blog like i’m still gonna be surrounding myself in negative bullshit all the time and I don’t....fuck I don’t want to.

yeah I know, dangan ronpa kinda fucking sucks, and v3 extremely sucks, and yadda yadda yadda but like...I don’t hate dangan ronpa. I don’t. I like it a lot. I even like v3 quite a lot despite it’s many faults. But it doesn’t even feel like it lately. It just feels like I’m dragging myself pretending I like something because I never talk about what I like about it anymore.

Maybe that’s why I’ve been leaning on Higurashi. Higurashi always felt like the one thing I could like without having to discourse about it. It’s not flawless, but I’m just not buried in the fandom like that to care. It’s just the thing I love more than anything else.

DR is still my special interest. idk when that’ll change, but right now that’s where we are. And I kinda wanna go back to feeling like it’s something I love again, even if the damage is already fucking done. But I don’t really know how I would. I need to write more fics. Or more meta-analyzing what I like. Or make more hcs. Something. 

And I also...fuck I don’t even wanna say it because it’ll sound like I’m vaguing and blaming people but I’m really not. I just...need to stop thinking about people who disagree with me. Not even on the major shit like Actual Discourse Subjects™ but minor things.

I’m way too defensive and I feel like I have to defend its honor and make people understand and see things my way. It’s not that I have to be right. I just need people to agree with me and understand because otherwise, I feel like I’m doing everything wrong purely by virtue of having a different take.

It’s not anyone else’s fault. It’s my fault. It’s my fault for being defensive over things I like. It’s probably a result of consistently being told my interests were stupid or not having anywhere to talk about them because no one was interested. I’m sorry I’m like this. 

I need to just...turn the direction of this entire blog around. And my entire life. I can’t be drowning in this much negativity all the time anymore.

[majesticmarais]

Best Friends Brother II | D.S

THIS IS PART 2 TO BEST FRIEND’S BROTHER, I HOPE IT’S FINE THAT I GAVE IT ANOTHER TITLE IDK WHAT PEOPLE ON HERE USUALLY DO!!!!!!

Requested? Yeah by multiple people

Summary: After having a moment with Daniel in the kitchen at her sleep over with Anna, Y/n and Daniel get closer and decide what’s going to happen next

Warnings? None

Word Count: 1.3k

Tags: @averys-headass @adorkableavery @seavveywdw @seaveyslut @seaveysupreme @ijustreallylovethem @sweetpeaseavey 

A/n: Y’all wanted a Part 2 so yay!! Sorry if it’s not that good, I’ve been stressed about school and stuff but wanted to put out this imagine since the first part got so much love (thank you so much!!!) I hope you guys like it!

The next morning, I sat with Anna in the kitchen, sipping hot chocolate that she had made for us. I tried to carry on my conversation with her as my mind kept wandering to last night with Daniel. The kiss, the fact that he said he liked me, everything. Sitting with the sun light reflecting off of the surface of the island, I couldn’t help but think of how last night the light was so dim, dancing across Daniel’s face and creating shadows.

“When should I go home?” I asked, not wanting to overstay my welcome as I continued looking at my refection in the hot chocolate.

“Whenever you want, I have nothing to do today,” she answered, standing up and putting her mug in the sink.

I stood up to put mine in the sink too, feeling the cold of the ceramic tile floors on my bare feet as I pattered over to where Anna was standing.

“Good morning,” I heard Daniel say from behind us.

I spun around much too quickly than I should have, my heart rate speeding up as I smiled back at Daniel while he leaned against the doorway of the kitchen.

“Good morning big brother,” Anna replied, not noticing the slightly flustered expression on my face.

After standing around for a few minutes, Anna told me she was going to get dressed, and that I could change in the bathroom if I wanted to. I nodded as she walked off, leaving Daniel and I alone in the kitchen the same way we had been last night.

“Sleep well?” he asked, taking a step closer to me as he ran his index finger around the rim of a mug that was sitting on the counter.

“Not bad, you?” I asked, leaning against the counter, one foot crossed over the other.

He shrugged as he got even closer to me, pressing his lips against mine, taking me aback. After the element of surprise, I relaxed and kissed back, the same feeling erupting within me that I had felt not even 24 hours prior.

“I’ve been waiting to do that again,” he winked.

“Me too,” I sighed, slightly breathless from the kiss.

“So, do you want to go on an official date some day soon?” he asked, his hand still resting on my hip as he looked into my eyes.

“I’d love to,” I smiled, “but what about Anna?”

“We don’t have to tell her,” he shrugged.

“She’s my best friend, I always tell her everything,” I replied, feeling guilty about hiding something pretty major from the girl who had been my best friend ever since the day I entered that new school.

“We’ll tell her at some point, just not right away,” he explained.

He was right. We should have time together before deciding or saying anything, just in case.

We would go on a date together, it would be amazing, and I needed to just stop worrying and live in the present, which was there with Daniel.

“Y/n, you still didn’t change?” she asked as she trotted back into the kitchen.

“I was just talking to Daniel,” I answered, taking a step away from him since we had been standing so close together. “I’m gonna go now.”

“Tomorrow at 7,” Daniel whispered into my ear quickly as I began walking away, making me try to conceal the huge grin threatening to spread across my face.

“Okay,” I whispered to myself in the mirror, trying to calm my nerves over the fact that I was going on a date with Daniel, my best friend’s brother who I’ve loved for god knows how long.

The doorbell rang and I jumped slightly, grabbing my purse from my bed and skipping downstairs, opening the door to reveal Daniel with his usual bright smile on his face.

“Shall we?” he asked, extending his arm out for me to take his hand. 

I giggled and took it despite being incredibly nervous as we walked to Daniel’s car and began driving.

We arrived at a bowling alley and I looked at Daniel, raising my eyebrows.

“Bowling?” I asked.

“Yeah, is that okay?” he asked, laughing nervously.

“How did you know I loved bowling?” I asked,nudging him with my elbow.

“Lucky guess,” he smirked, getting out of the car and opening my door for me as we walked in.

*

“Daniel you’re bad at bowling,” I laughed, sitting as I watched him take his turn, the score unbelievably far apart as I stared at the screen above us.

“Yeah that’s fair,” he laughed, throwing the bowling ball, knocking over all the pins except 2.

“Oh my god that was good!!” I exclaimed, clapping for him as I stood up, running over to him. As I went to give him a high five he pulled me into my arms, making me blush once again.

“Now just knock those down,” I said, motioning for him to take the next shot.

Once he knocked the pins down, we both jumped up and down, cheering loudly as the families around us looked over, small smiles spread across their faces.

“Good game, Seavey, I still won,” I bragged jokingly, punching my fists in the air as we began to walk back to give our shoes back.

“I’ll get you next time,” he promised, ruffling my hair

We sat in the car in my driveway, still talking and laughing as we had been the entire night together.

“So, can we do this again soon?” he asked, leaning his head back on the head rest as he looked at me.

“Definitely,” I nodded, leaning over and pressing a kiss to his cheek, which resulted in him kissing me on the lips once again, and I could feel a small smile on his lips.

“Okay I really should go, see you soon, Danny,” I grinned, pecking his lips once again as I walked out of the car, suddenly ending up with my favorite blond.

“Anna!” I exclaimed, slightly scared by seeing her standing on my walkway, her eyes wide. “What are you doing here?”

“I, uh, I came to pick up my math textbook that I had left here, your mom let me in and said you weren’t home,” she trailed off, her eyes shifting between me and the car where Daniel was still sitting, his eyes wide as well as he watched us talk.

“You just, kissed my brother, twice,” she mumbled, seemingly dumbfounded.

“Uhm…yeah. I’m sorry Anna,” I apologized, feeling even worse about lying to her now that we had been caught.

“You went on a date and didn’t tell me?” she asked.

“We didn’t want to say anything because nothing’s really happened,” I shrugged, trying to brush it off. “Please tell me you’re not mad.”

“I’m not mad,” she confirmed, shaking her head and giving me a small smile, “it’s weird that anyone even likes him, but if it’s what makes you happy I’m not going to forbid it,” she chuckled.

“Okay,” I nodded, “I’m sorry.”

“No worries,” she chuckled, waving it off, “as long as you don’t make out in front of me or anything because that’s gross.”

“I promise,” I laughed, pulling Anna into a tight hug that had always sort of felt like home.

“As long as he doesn’t break your heart, I’m more protective of you honestly,” she winked.

“I love you,” I grinned.

Anna walked over to the car, getting into the passenger seat so she could go home with Daniel, leaving me on my front walkway as the cool breeze of the night hit my face, feeling fresh as I breathed in.

Although I had wanted Anna to find out much differently, everything seemed to be falling into place, and I couldn’t have been happier.

[wanna1things]

Soulmate!Park Woojin

haha i lov him my first born son, my illness friend, my bab

Genre;; fluff + uhh college!au,, soulmate!au, musical...theatre!au??, graduation!au at the end?????? is that a thing really i don’t knoww

Warnings;; mentioning of like an alternative version of park woojin’s dark past,, that damn dark past…. I had to warn you

Pairing;; Park Woojin x reader

Requested;; no ho ho ho i’m writing this so this account doesn’t die ++ this is also kind of for the anon who asked me to make the soulmate thing into a series sorry i never replied lol but im in a park woojin mood so woojin comes next

Soulmate AU Type;; soulmates experience the same illnesses at the same time until they get in a relationship together (?? is that the right way to put it idk) + soulmates are confirmed by a flash of light when you touch for the first time after you start dating

Summary;; Your best friend Woojin is alway sick when you are sick. You brush it off as being because you spend pretty much every second of every day with him, but maybe it’s something more...

Style;; bullet point

Word Count;; 1796

Also in this series;; Daniel | Jihoon  | Jinyoung | Minhyun

don’t tell anyone the idea from this came from this amazingly fun fact;; woojin is 2 months and 27 days younger than me AND he got shingles EXACTLY the same time in his lifetime as me; so 2 months and 27 days after me; so he is my illness amigo

you and woojin basically grew up together

from the moment his family moved in next door to you you’ve been best friends

i mean the friendship started in a very… different way

you used to hear him singing and dancing in his backyard

and you sang back at the top of your lungs in a desperate attempt to start a conversation lol

when you were in middle school you two used to write your own little musicals and perform them for your families

they weren’t particularly uhh technical?? but they were adorable and your families loved it

there’s so many embarrassing videos of those musicals dfjshdf

when you and woojin both caught chickenpox at the exact same time and were confined to your homes

both of your parents winked at each other

they had the idea that y’all were soulmates because duh that’s how soulmates work

as middle school and high school went on you both always had colds at the same time, you got appendicitis within days of each other and you both had your tonsils out on consecutive days

you brushed it off as it just being a coincidence because ;; well;; you were together 24/7 of course you’d get sick at the exact same times you basically had the same germs

you both got closer and closer until you were pretty much inseparable, people either assumed you were dating or that you were brother and sister tbh you two always used to say you were twins to fool people lol

nobody ever really fell for it though

in your last year of high school, both you and woojin started to date people

most of your other friends had all found their soulmates and honestly

as much as you loved being with woojin you were pretty sure you both needed to start having a look for your soulmates

every time you saw woojin with his girlfriend, something ached in your heart that you couldn’t put your finger on

you just chalked it up to you being a bit jealous that you couldn’t be around your best friend as much, nothing more

little did you know woojin felt the same whenever he saw you with your boyfriends

he knew exactly what it was though, he’d had a crush on you since like;; lol middle school

maybe even since he heard that terrible singing response

but he thought you obviously didn’t reciprocate this since you wanted to look for your soulmate so he just;; did the same as you

and there was like a one in 7 billion chance that y’all would be soulmates anyway, so he looked for his own

but he’d never keep a girlfriend for too long, either because they noticed how he only had eyes for you or woojin just felt bad leading them on

you two still spent time together though

every week you made time for a movie night and sleepover

you’d just turn up in each other’s houses, basically addressing each other’s parents as mum and dad too

your parents could both see there were some unspoken feelings between you two but they just let you sort it out between yourselves

when you started to apply for colleges you made sure to apply to the same ones, or ones close to each other

both you and woojin wanted to major in music/dance and drama

which everyone thought was adorable because of y’know those musicals

but both of you still tried your hardest to forget that

SPOILER ALERT

you both got accepted on the same course at the same prestigious performing arts college

you stayed best friends the whole way through college, taking the same classes the whole way through

also since you went to college there was some sort of unwritten agreement not to date people?? like you couldn’t explain it but you didn’t really want to search for your soulmate anymore (you don’t NEED to search he right here!!!)

halfway through your course your college did a rendition of romeo and juliet

OF COURSE you and woojin went for romeo and juliet i mean (cliche) OF COURSE you both get it too

aaaaaaaaaaah you both conveniently forgot about the kissing scenes

but being actors who must rise above™ you both just agree to deal with the kiss

UMMMM sike you totally did not deal with the kiss

that night you literally fell over just thinking about kissing woojin

did i forget to mention that since the middle of the last year of high school you realised god

you have a bIG crush on mr park

big is an understatement actually gosh

just the thought of kissing your crush made your heart rush 9999 miles per hour but NO you have to be a mature actor

after your little heart attack session you get to learning the lines

you and woojin are doing not the traditional romeo and juliet but a kind of revamped version, a bit like west side story orrr the romeo and juliet film with leonardo di caprio

basically its modern day and with like gangs and stuff rather than families??

AND IT’S CALLED ROMEO AND JULES YES

and in this woojin is a mafia boss’ son lol

the first time you walk into the rehearsal you see woojin standing at the front of the stage in this fancy ass suit with a silk red shirt under and you almost like;; have a nosebleed

“y/n, are you okay??? you’ve been staring for like the past 3 minutes lol”

you realised you’ve been staring a BIT (a lot) too long and go and join him onstage to rehearse

SKIP to 2 weeks before the performance

it comes the time when you have to;; practice the kissing scene;;

you managed to negotiate with the director that there only be one kissing scene because otherwise your poor heart wouldn’t be able to handle it

as you run through the lines the;; kiss;; is getting;;; closer and closer;;; aaaa

woojin suddenly held your face in his hand like he was cradling something precious

OOOOOF here it comes

“Jules, I am more sure than anything that we were put on this earth to find each other.”

he smiled one of those like really cute smiles he does you know where it shows off his ADORABLE snaggletooth

and then he leaned in and pressed his lips against yours

and you swear to god it was like your heart stopped

as it was going on your brain was basically scrEECHING ok yOU LOVE PARK WOOJIN OHHHH MY GOD

when the scene was over you both wandered back to your rooms with a permanent blush comPLETELY lovestruck

until you both woke up the next morning with throat infections

you stayed in bed until the afternoon when you went to pick up your phone to ring woojin and complain like god this guy got you ill AGAIN

when you see you have an incoming call from woojin

“y/n!!! why did you not tell me you had a throat infection omg you better hope this is gone in 2 weeks because i canNOT perform with my throat like this”

“woojin... i did not have a throat infection before this you dummy it’s your fault i bet its because you decided to stay up playing cooking mama or something until like 5 am yesterday”

“MAYBE I DID BUT THAT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS”

woojin hangs up almost immediately because it’s just hit him

you and him both got sick at the exact same time okay

your parents were right you really were soulmates

SO, he rises out of his bed and brainstorms a confession plan

and he decides that at the end of the performance of romeo and jules he’ll reveal his love lol

luckily you both recover in time to do the show but you don’t have time to rehearse the kissing scene

which you’re really thankful for because you don’t know how much more your heart can take

on the night of the play you both share a hug backstage before going on

and you convince each other not to be anxious

it’s just like one of your musicals from when you were younger

both of your parents are in the audience too

the performance starts and it goes like super well

the dance sections are amazing and woojin’s dancing is so like… beautiful you almost forget your lines lol

the kiss scene actually goes surprisingly well

but halfway through you hear your parents and woojin’s little sister go ‘oo’ and wolf whistle lmaoooo

which makes you both blush and fumble a little bit

in the ending scene where you and woojin die because of a hit put out by the mafia boss

there is a whole ass STANDING OVATION

you and woojin are really shocked but you hold hands and smile widely at each other because like this was your dream since you were kids??

and woojin is just staring at you because god you looked so happy in that moment it was like you were glowing shfdsj boys so lovestruck n WHIPPED

as you go backstage you and woojin are just talking and in total shock about the whole thing

“listen woojin i can’t believe it went down so well like did you hear those cheers?? oh my god!!!”

“haha yeah did you hear both of our parents and my sister when the kiss scene happened i was so embarrassed”

“oh my god woojin why did we even invite them honestly i wanted to go and hide in a whole-”

“y/n will you go out with me?”

“honestly when i heard them i felt like i was going to die - wait what? are you serious?”

you look at woojin and you realise he is like… deadly serious

“well duh i am”

“oh darn okay then yeah uhhhh yeah i’ll go out with you??”

he holds your hand tightly and there’s a sudden like flash of light

and woojin just whispers

“i knew it, i’ve known it for years”

and you smile and lean forward to kiss him because god

are you pleased that your best friend and the person you have loved for years is your soulmate

and of course your parents are pleased because damn that 6th sense was CORRECT

UHH BONUS

when y’all graduate obviously top of the class

you make a wonderful plan

to dig up your dark past together

and at graduation you recreate one of the first musicals you did as kids

it goes down so well and the whole class just cheers and screams and cringes along with the hilariously terrible and childish storyline

and basically it’s the damn cutest thing yes

i take that back YOU TWO are the damn cutest thing

ok im going to sleep now uh enjoy this and i’ll do the other members uhh SOON

[talesfromacrip]

more ehh thoughts (recent edition):

w o w

can’t even speak my damn mind anymore in this house I guess without getting the whole, ‘get out then if you don’t like it here. look for a section 8 place and blah, blahhhh’ speech.

the signature speech of my parents when I get on their ‘last nerves’..

all just for speaking my mind. lovely

all bc I said something in regards to something political my dad was talking about. then saying black lives matter after bc it was also apart of the conversation

(which is my opinion)

that word doesn’t sit well in my parents ears.. my dad to be specific apparently.

he then started saying I should just look for somewhere else to go and that if I say that again, something will happen. (not anything violent on me,but make me leave to somewhere else type of happen )

guess my parents (specifically my dad) wants me dead if he wants me to go out and find somewhere else to go. it’s not like, idk, i have a fucking immunocompromised system or anything like that ya know?? also.... during a fucking pandemic as well ?? helllloooo, old man?? i just don’t know anymore sometimes with my parents

caught me off guard a bit and hurt really fucking bad.. like, wow. if that’s how you feel, then let me go which you won’t and won’t admit.

used to it though which is silly to say, but I can’t do anything much about it even if i tried. so, I must deal for now anyway I can.

we settled our differences though which, I’m glad, but I hate that I was the first one to do it. shows how it is in my family at times

-

at least my mom and few friends are on my side. ridiculous to be treated like this for having a fucking opinion.  

doesn’t help either to get teased about it. like I haven’t been most of my life already ya know, shit.

sick of this house sometimes. the people in it, I should say.. sigh

———

———

I feel like I’m not, as ‘feminine’ as a lady should be. adds to my existing body probsss

can’t put makeup on. can’t get my nails done. can’t use bath bombs. can’t use facial creams or certain acne products. can’t buy clothes I’d like to shape my body and whatnot.. it goes onnnn. I would like to do what a lady likes to feel/look her absolute best ya know.

I can’t though. trying?????which doesn’t really go anywhere much tbh

I have an unused makeup palette and lippies going to absolute waste in my drawer.

which, cost me gooood money bc gooood brand. treat myself.

to see it go to waste though,is heartbreaking...

I could be using it now during the pandemic,but I have no one to help me with it. I can’t do it myself with my fucked up arms/hands either so that’s a nope.

my mom won’t help me and I’ve asked. she has more important things to do than make me look like a little clowns spawn.

I have so many ideas and I can’t execute them as I’d like. never can and it hurts. maybe on a drawimg, but having it applied to your face is a much better experience. very relaxing as well,but to take off.. that’s a process

doesn’t help that I’m told I’d look better with it as well, which totally helps my self esteem ya know. "it suits your moon face and covers those acne bits.."

fucking hell.. like, let me be.

guess not though it seems :lllllll

-

I feel gross about my skin.. dry and flaky at times from my medication and bc my body is a lil ass. it’s fucking oily on occasions as well.. ughhh. a whole nightmare, in my opinion

small acne scars,pimples from an imbalanced body in miscellaneous spots and places where they shouldn’t be.. I hate it.

I cannot look at myself without wanting to scream sometimes. I just stare and flip through a plethora of thoughts until I’m sitting there watching myself cry

I can’t buy the right skin products without suffering a break out or some kind of allergic reaction either. that’s how ‘sensitive’ i am.. ughh and people think it’s sooo fucking easy to take care of your skin.

help me out then and do it for me instead of telling me when I’ve said why I couldn’t in the first place..

fucking shit

-

I use to do my nails and paint them different colors almost every other week or so when I was younger. that was when I could move them to a certain extent. now i just can’t much for that. maybe?but I don’t want to risk twisting my wrist again. which, oddly helped a bit, but I’m not risking it

can’t even paint my right hand without leaning into a terrible spine position bc of my curled in fingers. it’s "so easy" though.my big ass it is

so, I just leave them bare nowadays

I have chipped and or broken nails anyway from fidgeting and anxiety. so, that’ll get in the way when they’re colored

sigh

-

bath bombs are the most elegant form of hygienic self care. a bubbly concoction for your skin to dip in.. ughhhh. sounds so relaxing and funnn

can’t sit in a fucking tub though to enjoy it and I don’t have the walk in ones. just a plain walk in shower. every time I see someone post about them, I melt inside. so pretty with the glitter fragments and the colorsss...mm

how I wish I could endure a porcelain tub to soak and forget about the world for a moment.

I can dream, but that still hurts as well.

-

I used to wear slim fitting tops for my stomach bc I was one of the chubby ones ya know.

now, I want to use them more bc my body doesn’t look how I thought it would be at my age. due to medication and lack of movement, just made it worse and it’s not my fault. feels like it is though and I tried. still am and it’s been hard lately with the pandemic. massive buying spells again so, some healthy goods are not available.

apparently though it seems nowadays being ‘thicc’ is in when years before it was absolutely frowned upon.

I got teased for being ‘thicc’ and now I’m somewhat getting praised for it?? kinda weird circus did I buy tickets for? unless I didn’t??

like, what do y’all mean, now it’s in????? stop being such a rude wad of shit and quit playing with people like this.

I don’t know what to accept much anymore and it’s bothers me so damn much

even if you do get praised,you must meet the standards. with some that is, I should say. must be at least some sort of skinny. some sort of, shaped being that I don’t really want to explain bc I feel it’s obvious.

some disabled folks are almost never in this section and when so, seems very fetishized.

hopefully this paints a small picture or whatever size you prefer your canvas to be. I’ve already talked about my body and more like this just gets me upset

———

———

uggh why are people still making stupid party plans, going to crowded places and doing other irresponsible shit... during a fucking pandemic?? It’s literally s o fucking irritating.

these people do not grasp this it seems, but ooooooohhh. gotta go out and risk it for someone who doesn’t even care about my health,others and even themselves.

fucking dumb

-

funny to see them complain about being home and all bc of this. like, how do you think I’ve felt and countless other disabled folks like me? sucks h u h. no freedom to go anywhere for risk of a fucking accident or worse, d e a t h.

it’s easy as hell to stay home and keep yourself occupied but apparently it’s a big ass deal

read, write, draw, cook, c l e a n. go out in your, idk, backyard as your outside relief?? is it really that b a d of a need to go somewhere??

especially when eventually it’ll drain you and you’ll eventually go back h o m e anyway ??t’s ridiculous.

"you should be thankful you can even go out."

yeah, to appointments, groceries, and concerts o n l y.

I don’t have the fucking privilege to go out at my own leisure and when I do, I have to plan like a mf.

it’s not easy. can’t drive. van is always busting on us. parents are my only source of a ride. can’t even generally go out anywhere bc of stupid stairs and all that.

I swear. every time I see a friend, mutual or family put something like that.. irritates me. I wanna comment so bad,but I don’t want to start anymore drama.

maybe soon I will. who fucking knows

———

———

i miss shows and all, but I just don’t as much.

I’m paranoid to think of going to future ones now..

I’ve already missed a majority of concerts my whole childhood and teen years due to my disability.

I don’t want to miss out on my young adult life now that I’m somewhat in a ‘better state’ bc some of y’all don’t want to be cautious and follow rules.

shows are therapeutic for me, but idk anymore now if it’s makimg me like this

disabled folks like myself who enjoy these shows are in so much fucking danger, it’s ridiculous.

we already were anyways with moshing and all.. which I know some act like they don’t know.

y’all are so desperate to go like, what about the other fandom folks who can’t even attend these shows though?? sad

these lives performances some artists have been doing are perfect and we need to support them more with this format. encourage the fuck out of them like the do to us with their music and whatnot.

I was so fucking thankful DGD did one.

it was a great time, but not so great when everyone is like, but what about an ‘actual show’?

it’s just, never enough with some of the fans I swear. irritating

yeahhh ,lets risk the fuckin band/bands getting sick so they can play for us. yasssss. shows how much they read up on the members and care about their health/wellbeing.

———

———

being sober brings back a lot of suppressed memories. nights are bit hard when going through this

makes me remember quite a bit of conversations that others have probably or most likely have forgotten by now as well

irritating and sad. that’s how I get some of my dreams as well which cause lack of sleep at timessss y a y

———

———

I, over share too much at times it seems.. how the hell do people want to know me though????

if I’m making the situation, odd or whatever, fucking tell me instead of ignoring it and trying to move on with some stupid shit

if I can fucking sit through y’alls oversharing.. can with fucking mine

———

———

I hate how everything that’s so wholesome and genuine I see, I can barely even do and say..

I especially hate how I imagine it with someone who deserves better. this is wearing me out I swear to fucking god

I put some of my eggs in the wrong basket.. again

ohhh fucking boooyyy

least it’s a good basket..

———

sometimes I feel so uneducated when taking with friends. my mind is like a fucking mad libs book on new game plus.

it’s blanks out and replaces important vocabulary with some silly childish shit instead

[icharchivist]

And this is going to be a very self indulgent hpm rambling to work through my own issues bc i’m on a roll tonight on self introspection so ya can skip that unless you want to see me project on characters for god knows how long

but ANYWAY I was so caught up with the fact that Dice was so inspiring to me and was specifically the one to give me strength to think “fuck it” and actually thinking more seriously about my independance that i completely overlooked that like… there was reasons why Gentaro became my fav the MOMENT i’ve read his song, and that Gentaro is just as much my fav as Dice.

And I feel like this is always the sort of duo i have both with my fav characters and my fav ships by extension it is like, 1) the character I can enter in depth about while distached from their plot while generally also having some admiration for them, 2) the character I either relate too much to OR I ended up projecting to HELL on that i don’t even know anymore if any of what i’m saying is relevent in analysis bc is it meta or is it therapy you might never know-

But there’s so much to Gentaro where I can just *shoves my symptoms* that it is hhhhhhhhHH.

I mean it always striked to me as odd that while he says his family was poor the reason he was bullied was because “he was adopted” and bc I’m Like That i ended up projecting that perhaps he had some abandon issues that could manifest just like mine, and like I could…. write a lot about that. 

But i tend to overlook that one of the thing that makes it easy for me to project it is that, I was bullied at school and i honest to god closed off for years because of that. I still have a lot of difficulties with where that left me per se, but the kicker? I was told that the reason i started to get bullied in elementary school was because of the rumors surrounding the reasons of my eldest sister’s running away from home, which is the thing i have Abandon Issues About since my parents thought it was clever to Not Let Me Know for about a year that my sister had ran away (and yeah i talked about it to my mom a few days ago, she confirmed it to me that they did try to hide it from me, leading me to believe my sister ran away at my 7yo rather than at my 6th bc they were covering up the truth in that time, that’s f u n)

And the thing is how he specifically talks about how he viewed himself as twisted because he MUST be a bad person if people hates him this much, tat’s something i Feel Deep In My Bones and have felt all my teenagehood, that there was something wrong with me. Bc Like in elementary school i was thinking “it’s the rumors about why my sister left”, but when it kept going in the three middle schools i went to i just thought i was the problem.

When I entered high school i was tired and angry and i remember going to class the first day thinking i dont even want to TRY to make friends. Like not even TRY. Plus one of my elementary school bully was in my class and that didn’t help at all feeling like this year would be any different than the others. 

And I remember that bc on the first day actually i got lost, but there was a girl who had been following me around all day who therefore was lost with me, and when we were asked where we were going, we jusT. looked at each other and we started laughing from confusion, and from that point on we became very close and it is one of my closest friend still to that day. and she often mentions that she wanted to talk to me right away bc we looked like we would be on the same vibe, but i was terrifying her with my death glares dkfhdfk bc i was just in the mindset of nope, no need for friendship this time around.

And from being friend with her i also opened up a lot to others people and that’s how i’ve made the group of friends i now have, but yeah before her basically attempting all day to be my friend despite me sending signal that i didn’t want to, I was just basically also in this mindset of “i must be a terrible person and i don’t need friends” so that kinda rang a chord with me.

While the timeline isn’t the same for me though, the thing is that being bullied all time is what pushed me to start writting when I was about 11? I was writting in class and in between because then i could just afford to not have to think about the fact people hated me for some reasons and i could create realities in which i could just run away.  (and it is still making me so, so salty i ended up completely frozen from writting bc of my ex guh but then i just found back the last drafts i’ve writen and i just… should get back to it tbh)

So like… all those issues i have from those things i ended up projecting on Gentaro a lot and it’s terrible.

One thing i don’t have at all in common with Gentaro is the fact i cannot lie to save a life, like, i freeze when i even think about lying per se. But the funny thing is that i’ve spent… my whole life actually thinking about whenever or not i should lie or not? Okay this is very weird to explain but - my parents lie all the time. And it had me doubt my reality a lot growing up*. And i’ve always… kinda lived this line of “not wanting to share anything about me and make up things about me so people cannot get to me” (which was basically the reaction from being bullied thinking there must be something fundamentally wrong with my real self y’know) VS “I dont’ want to be like my parents and i’m desperate for people to actually know the Real Me for once because it’s not like it’s my parents who’d know that”

and idk it’s something i’ve always found very fascinating with that theme in particular bc it’s not just something i don’t have in common with him, but it’s something i’ve reflect a lot about whenever i wanted to be like that or not, and just took the decision not to - but basically things alligned in my life that this was something i’ve regularly been thinking about ever since i’m a kid.  (and THAT my friend is legit why my favorite characters are all either liars or people who had made up their personalities to distance from their real selves. Bc this has litterally been My Fantasy since i’m a kid. So Cloud, Allen, Lavi, y’all can see where my patern happens there.)

*about thatone of my major projecting or not is that well my parents spent my life gaslighting me on how some events of the past happened and it makes me doubt a lot of my memory, some of whichi just cling to bc i know i wrote them down when they happened. so when Gentaro's editor, a spy from the gov, tells him that the fiction Gentaro just wrote that is based on actual horrors we know the gov is doing, is truly just fiction and try to reinforce that while Gentaro still wonders if it is, i've read it as an attempt of gaslighting. and it was relatable to me and its why i really read the editor stuff as the gov trying tobmake him doubt his past, thus why reaching out to a private detective is to try to fight that back. and anyone who suffered from gaslighting can understand wanting to have someone neutral who can help you point out that no the person was gaslighting you. istg the private detective reveal was a relief to me bc it is just like when i ask my friends if they remember some events ive said in the past that would disprove my parents lies. and it is even worse bc me lile gentaro im sure, have a part of our past no one can attests for so thats when the gaslighting is the worst. i've related h ard to that but again how much is me projecting?? (and tbh this is why i read gentaro's lies as a "you are trying to make me doubt my reality, fine then i'll make my own that i know is false and you cant do anything about it". it's like reclaiming control on his narrative that people are twisting)

(in the end the real thing i don’t have at all in common with Gentaro is his loving parents lmao what are those? don’t know that. But his reaction to them being all “i felt a gratitude infinite for those people who didn’t have to care for me that i’ve refused to even let them know i wanted things so they wouldn’t have to sacrifice things for me” is….. my attitude toward my friends. As in my best friends always have to insist for me to actually let them spoil me from time to time. And by spoil i mean “giving me money to see the doctor bc my parents failed to do that”. So this is HUH.)

Anyway the point of what i’m trying to say is that therefore i can interpret every single of Gentaro’s reactions or stuff in the lenses of how i personally lived those things i ended up finding… relatability in Gentaro’s story y’know?

Like i’m thinking about the fact a while ago i did a long post about how Dice was Gentaro’s comfort zone. “ At any given opportunity, Gentaro would rather get close to Dice than to try to even connect with anyone else, avoiding every conversations possible if he cannot deviate it on focusing on Dice, almost as if the world scares him enough for him to prefer to be near someone he trusts. “

I’m.. just realizing (i mean this is what prompted this post) that the freak out i just had in my previous post about the fact People kinda scare me because it is outside of my comfort zone that this is about the reading i projected on Gentaro’s behavior there: That Gentaro seems to not want to spend a lot of time connecting with new people and eventually just always get back to a comfort zone and this zone is Dice for him, but like.. point still stand that it depicts him as quite uncomfortable with People in general as a result that he cannot stay around them unless he is staying close to Dice.

*puts head gently on table* and that’s likely major projecting but i didn’t realize it until just now where i realized i would… essentially do the same or that at least, this was natural for me to interpret his behavior as him being uncomfortable around people. because that’s how i’d live it. I just… didn’t think about how that connected until now.

And there were… more elements i’ve picked up along the time i’ve overanalysed Gentaro (remember i have a 178 page long file of rambling about how i read Gentaro and Dice?) i’m not thinking about right now per se. 

but like his fear of the Posse splitting up really does call back to me to the fact he *was* abandonned *and bullied for that*, so while he initially was ready for the Posse to be just temporary, now he couldn’t let go of it y’know? 

and hell lol there is the whole HC i have about him projecting on NLH that is litterally me just projecting bc that’s what i’d do, but then again NLH and Gentaro… has bounds that could explain that. And well i gues sjust the fact Gentaro is that attached to fiction is probably the one thing that is very easy to relate to. “reality is often more disappointing than fiction” is… litterally what i’ve always been thinking all of my life so lemme tell you that when i’ve read this translation after he did a full fanfiction of his life (which i do in my head a few times to try to process my anxieties so I ALSO relate to that), i had a big whiplash of huH.

Also man i get the thing about having ridiculous triggers, even if mine didn’t… translate themselves the way his did. But i have very ridiculous things that can send me down depression spiral down or panic at once and honestly this was.. woah to see. 

“it’s by learning from the past that we can make a future” he says in battle x 3 and that one still cracks me up bc i’ve been litterally raised with the sentence “we need to learn where we come from to go where we’re going”, it was my mom’s motto to get me interested into history (although very bold from the woman who didn’t pass down any of her cultural heritage but that’s an irony for another day). Like everytime he says this sentence i have a throw back bc I’ve. litterally used this sentence in my /essays for classes/ that’s how much it is in my head.

I’m losing track of what i mean, my meds finally kicked in so now i’m not too much into digging into my trauma as i was 20 mins ago but at any rate, 

Gentaro is very very very important to me and idk how much is projecting and all but his behavior just makes SENSE to me, it is just… so logical. 

And to me he’s such a vulnerable character who is just trying to at least give off a feeling you cannot hurt him because he’s been hurt before and doesn’t want to… let it happen again. He can give an approachable facade but he doesn’t really let himself be opened with people around him and when he does he always does it in a way he can be distached from it -say sending the message via writing a fanfic rather than saying “hey i’m anxious about that”. 

i don’t know. meds have kicked in too badly i’ve lost my train of thoughts.

But yeah. 

Gentaro good and i just love him so much and it still kinda kills me how the moment i’ve heard his song i knew he was going to be my fav yet it took me months to actually get back to “why is he my fav” without realizing that i’ve therefore done meta entierely based on how “i can relate to his trauma and his reactions remind me of how my symptoms manifest” so that’s a thing.

jkhl it’s funny bc meanwhile i remain more comfortable with a dice icon and all but…….. man, gentaro man.

so yeah just ✌ what a saga man

[goldenscript]

badboy!wonwoo

meet jeon wonwoo

he’s actually a really great artist like his parents got him a lil blank note book with yknow crayons and stuff and he used to go ham on it like all the time

as he grew up, it became his outlet to getting thru life bc even as a kid he was pretty intimidating and it wasn’t like he was very outgoing anyway so it affected the way other kids treated him

they always shunned him, telling him to go away and often equated him to that kid from the ring when it came out so he just stayed away from people and lived in his own bubble

art was a companion that could never shun him

however art also became a detrimental coping mechanism so excessively to the point where he was often doodling instead of completing his schoolwork so the only way his teachers could think to get him out of this mindset was reprimanding him for it

of course, it had an opposite effect

he continued to do as he pleased, becoming a lot more stubborn in the time that he was ostracized by his peers for not finding enjoyment in the same things as them and the older he got, the more this mindset became ingrained in him 

no matter what art was an important part of his life and no one was going to take that away from him

inevitably, wonwoo found interest in different forms of art from paint to colored pencils

but his ultimate favorite art form was graffiti

there was a united front about the way other graffiti artists in the ways each of them made their art their own, formulating their own stories without establishing an actual face

the artist was who they made themselves out to be. not rumors or stories about a boy who had no friends aside from the paintbrushes held between clenched fingertips 

and for him, he became someone more than just that weird looking grudge boy kid

he was someone.... he belonged somewhere

throughout high school, he developed a persona called jeon. given that’s his last name, he formulated this just for the sake of vaguieness and cuz he couldn’t really think of anything else LOL

so jeon is someone who battles his demons with a stare, kinda like medusa but he doesn’t turn them to stone. he turns them into paintings

he memorializes them for what they really are- mean people, demons, scary stuff only little kids dream of and for the most part, they become a hit to his graffiti buds and for anyone who is everyone (though those who aren’t in the graffiti community have no actual clue that this cool dude is wonwoo even if they share a surname)

this goes on for some time, even into wonwoo’s final year of high school where he’s graduating cuz mingyu, his new bff and only friend, encourages him after he told the older boy how he wanted to go to the city for school and it motivated wonwoo to spread his wings from his small town and wander ya know?

around the time when he’s integrating into college life with mingyu and their other friends scoups and vernon, he actually continues jeon throughout seoul city in subtle ways though not many people recognize it

anyway, with being in college, his maternal aunt sends her son aka his cousin, jeon jeongguk over just to experience some of the college life. she wanted wonwoo to show the younger jeon how college is beneficial even for misfits like himself (passive aggressive way of going abt it but wonwoo is just like “ok whateves”)

although it makes mingyu whiny that they have to lug around a kid who’s only two years younger and just as lanky and tall lol, wonwoo doesn’t mind showing his cousin around the city and letting him touch his stuff and eventually jeongguk discovers wonwoo’s sketchbook snippets of jeon and he gets all “??? what’s this??” finally an interest piqued in their time spent together and wonwoo lets him in on the secret after seeing how into the art his cuzzo is

as wonwoo explains the piece, jeongguk is so immersed and interested, he actually gets into the whole bit, wanting to do his own kind of art form bc he’s always enjoyed doodling and well, wonwoo can’t resist so he agrees to teach his cousin the craft

they go out to the tunnels near this abandoned train, just spraying around but enjoying themselves as twilight breaks and it’s nearly pitch black (though they have flashlights to help them out), jeongguk makes up a persona called kookie

he says he’s kind of like jeon but the art he memorializes highlights the good possibilities, that there’s light in darkness and he turns around those shitty monsters so they can be happy 

it’s cute really and wonwoo loves it cuz his cuzzo is happy too

unfortunately, there’s a patrol cop on the prowl trying to get his mitts on people like wonwoo and he sees small lights emitting from the tunnels and the two get caught tho wonwoo is quick to shut his light off, shutting guk’s off and telling the younger boy to run until he’s a safe enough distance that wonwoo feels relieved 

they decide not to go out for a while, hoping to avoid the same situation they suffered thru

but guk’s not done. he has more to add, and well, bc he went alone, he nearly gets caught before he sprints off and calls his cousin in fear and panic bc he doesn’t know what to do and fuck he rlly doesn’t want to go to jail or something 

and well, wonwoo can barely register his actions before he goes to the very tunnel and makes it blatantly obvious that he’s the one “defacing” the wall and he gets the blame for “kookie” 

he gets put on community service duty, forced to clean up the “vandalism” and set a 700 dollar fine that he knows his family can’t pay

of course his family doesn’t want to help, only wishing for him to learn from his mistakes and be an adult so he gets a job at the local convenience store and although he isn’t allowed to talk to jeongguk, his younger cousin feels awful, trying to keep in contact with wonwoo despite having to cut all ties with him

and that small convenience store is where you and him meet actually

it’s your second year at the university like wonwoo and as part of your work-study program, you decide to take up a position at the nearby convenience store since it’s close to your dorm and you really didn’t want to work at the sporting goods store on campus

going there, wonwoo is at the register, looking pretty bored and when he sees you, his eyes go a little wide before he asks if you’re y/n bc he’ll be training you and you agree only flushing a little bc wow he’s pretty cute and holy shit he looks intimidating (well at least until he starts trying to “train” you)

to say the least, wonwoo is only a little flustered by you bc holy shit you’re so nice to him

you don’t care if he’s too quiet or too shy sometimes and if anything you make it blatantly obvious that you like talking to him and he doesn’t get that at all

but bc of this mild confusion from him, it’s a steady burn for you two actually get to know one another but like most burns it’s an ache that soothes the coldest of hearts and it’s exactly that for him

you two will talk about your majors and what you like and he gets happy when he hears you gush about art especially pieces that obviously mean something 

don’t get even him started when you say you like banksy work and even these subliminal pieces you catch on the street aka his cuz he actually didn’t realize how mini jeon pieces would catch anyone’s eyes and yeah he gets unbelievably happy to see you talk about it with wonder

it’s really cute bc your training goes on for two weeks and he’s made it an unconscious effort to walk you to the dorms after closing

even afterwards, he still continues to walk you 

he can’t explain why even when you ask but it’s something he does and he continues when you make no moves to protest against it and he can’t help but smile to himself abt that

for some reason, he can’t get you out of his mind 

maybe it’s the nice gestures or the fact that you like his art or something but there’s something about you that gives him this swell of emotion he hasn’t felt since he created jeon tbh

you’re so new and different to him and for all the kindness you show him he’s truly grateful 

he isn’t sure how to express it tho especially when even talking to you is still new for him so he actually asks his friends for help

seungcheol told him to just let you know how he feels 

(wonwoo: hell no)

vernon: ummm.... idk bro 

(wonwoo: (-: thanks.... Bro)

mingyu: KISS THEM IN THE RAIN

(wonwoo: you punk what the-)

the ironic part: so, one day when you two are working together and it’s nearly time to go, it actually begins to rain and this moment where he shrugs off his leather jacket and drapes it above your heads as you wait for the rain to cease beneath the thin canopy, you look up at him with those fluttery eyes and his breath just catches in his throat and you glance at his lips, biting at yours with conflict in your eyes and suddenly-

you kiss him

you just do it after you release your lip

and he’s all red in the face trying to make sense of it before you start apologizing and he has to stop you, practically dropping his jacket on you which he apologizes profusely over

“d-dammit, i’m sorry god i’m a klutz... that kiss just rlly got to me cuz i wanted to kiss you and you just kissed me and holy shit did i just say that am i still talking why am i still tal-”

you hop on your tip toes and peck his lips once more and smile “well i’m glad i kissed you, wonwoo... i rlly like you” 

and he’s just in awe like wow YOU LIKE HIM TOO and naturally y’all go out on a date but one insecurity about him that he still hasn’t mentioned to you is the fact that he got busted for graffiti and that’s why he’s at the convenience store

he always danced around the subject so now that you two have become even closer, he finds it hard to admit to his crime bc before it never mattered when no one else really mattered to him as much as you do...

it really upsets him when that cop who busted him sees him and starts messing with him in front of you on your date together and although you’re confused he actually doesn’t tell you anything about it

no phone calls, no texts, and when he calls in sick from work that following weekend, you’re determined to figure out what happened

so you hunt down mingyu and ask him where wonwoo is, he tells you where the dorm is bc he knows that you mean a lot to wonwoo if he was that upset abt you knowing why he was working so when you get there you use mingyu’s key and searching for wonwoo who’s hiding in his bed 

not that he’s noticed you yet

his hair’s a mess and he actually looks paler than usual 

you can see in his hands are holding a black leather bound sketch book and he’s doodling away, possibly trying to cope and you sigh

when he hears your voice, he freezes up, trying to burrow away in his blankets until you stop him and try to get him to open up to you bc dammit you care so damn much abt him and him trying to push you away will only bring you back trying to smash that damn shell of his harder

until finally he relents and tells you abt what happened and you just hug him, telling him to move over and you lay beside and ask why he didnt want you to know that

and yeah he’s surprised you’re not condemning him to hell like so many other people have but he can’t help but cling to you as he replies “it’s not the most optimal thing you tell your significant other yknow”

you shrug, giving him a squeeze

“Well you can tell me anything and i’ll accept you, wonwoo. i promise” 

from then, he’s a lot more open with you tbh

he’ll show you sketches about jeon and you make him tell you every story he has about those ones just because you love to hear his voice

you don’t really mean to be so forceful with him but it takes prompting for him bc he gets so scared that you’ll reject his ideas but when you don’t he gets so confident and happy, he’s like a puppy 

on your dates he likes to doodle on napkins and you collect every single one

one time he just doodles a mash potato monster and you kept it in a scrapbook with the rest of the doodles and he just giggled at the sight

on your anniversary he actually drew an companion for jeon named miss jae. although she wasn’t battling monsters, she helped him with her powers of support and light 

as a surprise he actually took you out to a different spot and graffiti’d the two together and it was just the sweetest thing ever 

it’s his way of saying “i love you” and even when you complain that you have no super talent like this he still grins and says “yes you do. just say that and i’m all yours” 

(he’s a closet greaseball y’all)

the rest of the boys were rlly happy to see how happy you made wonwoo, even inviting you to one of their shows where you discovered yet another talent of his 

and you couldn’t help but gush about him bc of it

sometimes to people at the store, to his friends, to his mom (who loves you btw), and basically anyone who listens 

even when he’s begging you to stop with pink cheeks, you just grin up at him and say “no way. you’re amazing and everyone should know it. EVERYONE”

those are the times he likes to shut you up with a kiss