#like i'm supposed to inexplicably know what the writers are going to do?

[homunculus-argument]

Unapologetic toddler take, but the enjoyability of any ghibli movie is directly proportional to the amount of magical whimsy going on. Forest spirits, random gods, magic existing as a technological tool, magic existing as a symbol for the power of the human spirit, magic happening for insane inexplicable reasons because fuck you I'm Hayao Miyazaki and I ain't gonna explain shit? Riveting, delightful, pours joy into my heart even while illustrating the bleakness and despair that are also an instrinct part of this life that we know, which is equal parts beauty and suffering. Love it.

But the down-to-earth, realistic ones? Coming-of-age stories of school kids doing school kid stuff, a 27-year-old woman having a Single Girl Midlife Crisis and taking a year off at a farm, an enemies-to-lovers slow burn between an obnoxious writer kid and an obnoxious musician kid? Slow-paced slice of life with realistic stakes at hand, a snapshot of the ordinary everyday grind, so painstakingly real that it tastes like the inside of my own mouth? Ew. How am I supposed to enjoy any of this without my side of fantastical nonsenscial bullshit?

If I can spend the entire duration of the movie knowing exactly what's going on and what's going to happen next, then I don't want it. I don't even do that in real life.

[ravensmadreads]

The Mess of Us

A/N: i have no excuse honestly. I've imprinted on David York for reasons unfathomable to my own brain. This is my attempt at giving him a redemption arc? A softer backstory? My heart and soul? Who knows.

Warnings: uhhhh lots of angst (i mean i tried), almost entirely canon compliant, vague-ish attempt at smut, mild cursing, insane use of italics. (Also: english is not my first language and im faking being a writer but i think this came out okay??? Pls be kind he's my lil babie!!)

Summary: I gave david york my heart and then proceeded to bash it with a sledgehammer - forgive me :p this is the same universe as What Love Means

Taglist: @fuckyeahdindjarin cause i wouldn't be writing without you; @chronically-ghosted thank u to listening to me cry about Dave, and my writing, and myself - i owe u my life; @wannab-urs you absolute maniac i adore u; @timelordfreya u were so kind on the accompanying piece for this i hope you like this too <3

David York

You've known that name for a long time. Stayed with the man that inhabits it even longer. He goes by Dave now. Lives in a suburban home. Has two daughters. An "office job". A respectable man. A good man. A little misguided perhaps. A little bit more jaded than he used to be. More broken than you remember. The light in his eyes all but snuffed out. But a good man.

He was always a good man.

Even when he was no longer yours.

Even when he was no longer David.

****

David York and his sunshine. Neighbours. Best friends. Light of each others lives.

You're two halves of one whole in a way that makes no sense from the outside, but when you tread close enough you can pinpoint the exact strands that join your soul to his. The way his heart is an exact mirror to yours. The way your smile reflects the sun in his eyes and his warmth leaves you feeling more loved than any being in the entire universe. You'd stumbled across him, buried between the pages of a book twice the size of his head, and you thought: Oh God. It's you. It's going to be you. And you decided you'd never let him go.

Until he decided to leave.

He's so excited when he gets the call. When he makes his plans and packs his bags. When he tells you all about the good he's going to do, the hero he's going to become.

"I'll be back soon sunshine. You won't even know I'm gone."

You try to convince him to stay. With everything you've got in you. All your jokes, all your warmth, all your schemes. When that fails you give him your heart. Your tears. Explain that you can't live without him. That he can't expect you to live without him and not fall apart at the seams because he's the thread that holds you together. And when you see the anguish on his face at your confession, you revel a little because you think you've won. He's going to stay for you because of course he is. He's your David. He cups your cheeks in his hands. Lips meet your forehead as his words break your heart:

"I'm sorry sunshine. You know I have to go. I have to do this. You know."

So you wipe off your tears and you smile. Because that's what you're supposed to do for a friend and that's what you do for him. Give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Tell him to be safe.

"Don't get your butt kicked too much David. I need you back in one piece."

And that's the first time David York turns his back on your smile.

****

You wait for him. Like the inexplicable fool you are. Wander aimlessly in the streets around your childhood home like a spirit too tired to haunt anyone but itself. Waiting for him to come back and spark you alive again. Awakening for the few weeks of leave he has before reverting to your state of nothingness the minute the door closes behind him. Flitting like a ghost of yourself, nothing tethering you to this place, but still incapable of moving on without him.

Because he was David York. Your best friend.

Your good man. Your solid rock.

Until he wasn't.

Until he left.

****

You learn to make your way without him. Stumble, fall and scrape your knees more than once, without him by your side clucking and fussing like the mother hen he was. Without him to hold you up and bring you close:

"You’ve got to be careful honey. I can't be losing my sunshine."

You find a purpose and make your stand into the big bad world but all of it feels hollow without him by your side. You learn to stitch people up, bandage their wounds, hold bleeding skin in place and snap broken bones back together again. He laughs when he finds out, equal parts amused and proud.

"Looks like you became the anti-Dave sunshine."

And you smile for him, because of course you do. You don't tell him that everything you're learning, you're learning because of him. Because of the sheer wall of terror that's settled in your spine since the moment he walked away. Because of the David that comes to you in your dreams. The one that crumbles in front of you; broken and damaged and begging for help. The one you're trying so hard to save.

You may be his sunshine, but he was always your sun, and you'll protect him, even if he doesn't want you to.

****

The David that comes to you now is not yours. He's an off brand version of himself. A cheap copy. An imposter that calls himself Dave and smirks in a way that makes your skin crawl. He wears Davids skin but has none of his warmth. The sunshine in his smile is replaced by an ice cold sharpness and you hate that shivers it sends down your spine. His eyes have lost most of the humour they used to have, and when he hugs you he lets go a little too soon. A little too fractured, a little too cold. You hold on; assessing, caring, and wondering. Go to ask but he shakes his head; the look in his eyes silencing your questions before the words can form on your lips. The worry in your heart worsens.

When he walks you home you try again but he anticipates it. Like the predator he is now, he sees your strike coming, and retaliates in the one way he knows will force your silence. He kisses you. Hot and deep. Steals the air from your lungs and the words from your brain. Renders you shocked. When you open your eyes it's your David staring back again and your relieved smile has him pushing into you again. He kisses you until you're breathless. Again, and again, and again, until all your worries are dripping unvoiced at your feet and all your questions have been sucked into the air in his lungs.

You don't fall into each other as much as you attack. The culmination of years of circling each other and it all comes down to this. Mouths open, teeth clashing like you're trying to make your way into each others souls. His hands grab you so desperately, so fervently, that you wonder how he hasn't moulded you into his own chest yet. Your nails scratching at him like you're trying to carve a home in his bones. You’re trying to tear pieces of each other apart. Him, so he may take you with him and you, so you never have to watch him leave again. You devour every inch of him so reverently that the taste of him may remain embedded in your tongue forever. And he carves his way into you, soothing an emptiness that only ever craved him. Pounding in like he's trying to break you open and consume the light within. You cling to each other in the aftermath, breathless, sated and smiling, and you remember placing a kiss on his heart right before you drift off in his embrace.

You should've known, in retrospect, that that was as good as it was ever going to get.

He leaves you in an empty bed. Runs away before the dawn breaks like the consequences of what you both did are too ugly to be faced in the light of day. You turn the apartment upside down looking for one note, one glimpse, one hint of him that's not mottled on your skin and going to be torn away by the cruel hands of time.

You take the dismissal for what it is when you don't find one.

****

He comes back broken. Purple shadows under his eyes, a split lip and a wince that breaks you when you go to hug him. The storm breaks and you lunge. Too strung out to keep going like this any longer and too frazzled by thoughts of "what if it was worse" to think about the consequences of breaking your silence.

Your fists pound against the rock hard of his chest. The place that used to be your solace, your comfort, your home. Where you'd set your head too many times to count and where all your dreams ever went to rest. And they've turned it to stone, moulded him into a machine, changed him into something he's not.

"You're not a fucking hero David. You're not. And I'm asking you to stop trying to be one. I'm asking you to stop this self sacrificial bullshit and come back. Come home. You don't need to be a hero. You just need to be alive. I need you alive dammit! Why can't you see how much I need you?"

Your voice falters and cracks. It's out there now, the pieces of your heart; ugly, tattered and split open in front of him. Waiting for his judgement, for his grace. His face twists into a grimace, and you turn your head before he can see the tears fall. You don't need his apologies. His empty words and false promises of how nothing will ever happen to him, because it will, you know it will. So you hold up a hand before he can begin.

"It's okay. I get it. This is your life now, right? So will you forgive me then, if I can't stand around watching you try to kill yourself and wait for the day you inevitably succeed?"

Something in his eyes breaks at your words, and something in your heart does when he gathers you in his arms. The kiss on your temple feels like a goodbye. To your one solace, your one crutch and the only friend you ever had. And you know this goodbye will haunt you forever.

That's the one time you turn your back on David York.

****

He comes back with an extra sparkle in his eyes. Pleads and begs his way into your good graces and you indulge him because that's what you do for David. His smile has never been brighter. He may call you sunshine but he has always been your shining light, your beacon, the lighthouse you turn to.

But then he turns away. And in a split second, your world tilts on it's axis.

Carol.

Her name is Carol. Perfectly normal. Perfectly sweet. Perfectly perfect. He's got his hand in her hand and you don't understand. You can't. You refuse. Except.... David. He looks so happy. So content. Looks at her with all the devotion you've only ever given him, and all the love you wish he could've given you.

"What do think sunshine? I think she may be the one."

You smile. Because that's what you always do for David. You smile. It's an ugly thing. Fractured. Broken. He notices because of course he does. You've never been able to hide from him, ingrained as he is into your very soul. His smile falters and his eyes fill with sorrow and regret. Apologies for all he could never be and all the regret he has about it.

"You did good York. You'll be great together."

He flinches. He has only ever been David to you. He knows he has broken something irreparable. Opens his mouth to fix it. To swallow something back, say something else instead. Change the words, the letters, the combinations of decisions that led you both to this very moment. Something to keep you whole but the parts he shattered, however unwittingly, are already crumbling to dust in front of him. He closes his mouth. Swallows whatever lingered at the back of his throat. You smile at each other as you walk away. Him with her hand in his. You with the cloud of pain that comes from finally accepting the bitter truth for what it is.

He's not yours. Not anymore. Never will be again.

You never call him David again.

***

You miss him. Of course you do. Running from him was like running from a part of yourself; impossible, regretful and pointless. You were intwined into each other too thoroughly for there to ever be a clean cut through. You couldn't really walk away from him completely no matter what the distance on a map points out.

You know he'll call when he comes back again. He does. Shows up at the threshold of your sanity and the hardest thing you've ever done is ignore his voice when it calls to you. Voicemail, after voicemail, after voicemail. You listen to every single one but you can't call him back. His voice is your kryptonite. You'd walk back the distance if only you could but some tattered remnants of your self esteem hold you back. The last one comes with a letter in the mail. The glossy embellished card reminds you of the reason you walked away. The reason you could never go back. He pleads over static and tinny phone lines:

"Come on sunshine. I need you there. I'm sorry. I'm so s-. Please. I- "

Silence for a few minutes before the line cuts off. Typical of you both. To never say what you want and yet be assured the other knows exactly what you mean. He probably knows too. That you can't bear to see someone else's name next to his. The thought makes you nauseous; angry in a way that scares you, an evil coiling restless being inside of you, threatening to do as he asks. Go over there and scream in his face. The audactiy of this man to say he needs you when all you ever wanted was for him to pick you. Over the chip on his shoulder, the gun in his hand, the name on that card. Choose you. Love you. But you can't do any of that. You can't stand by his side and smile as he walks away with another either.

His only mercy is that he doesn't show up at your doorstep when you both know he could and you wouldn't be able to close the door in his face. Not him. Never him.

You throw the card away without opening it.

He forgives you.

But he never calls again.

***

Months turn to years and David York turns from a stabbing ache into a memory and then a ghost. He haunts you initially, at every turn, but slowly, over the years, the voice in your head softens down. He vanishes into the fog that lingers at the back of your mind and you stop looking over your shoulder for him to come back. You left him so suddenly, so abruptly, that you'd torn off pieces of yourself too. But time heals those wounds and you gradually learn to carry on as half of your bleeding heart slowly scabs and scars over.

You carve out a content little place for yourself, in a tiny corner of the world as you finally learn to love the reflection in your mirror. There's grey in your hair now. Wrinkles in your skin and hands hardened over from a life lived serving others. Saving who you can, when you can. A melody on your lips as you collect the parcels from your mailbox. Cocoa and bitter coffee long since mask the taste of his name on your breath.

There's a knock at your door and you flit to open it. Your smile, a pale imitation of what it used to be, plastered on, as you brace yourself to greet a well meaning neighbour or two. It falls quicker than lightning at the sight that greets you instead.

A man wavers at your doorstep. Unfamiliar in his familiarity. The ghost of a memory of a love never forgotten. Dripping crimson over the smiley face on your welcome mat. A haphazard bandage concealing half his face. One hand clearly broken. Arm bent at an angle too sharp to be natural. Angry streaks of purple and blue dancing around all visible patches of skin and he's trying to be nonchalant about the way he's favouring his right leg but failing miserably. Wheezing a breath that you know speaks of atleast one, if not several, broken ribs. And yet, despite all the damage and destruction and sheer agonizing pain he's no doubt in, the man smiles. Full and bright and warm.

"Hey sunshine."

And you reply.

A gasp. A plea. A promise.

David.

****

[beekeeperspicnic]

I'm literally sobbing;

it's time to talk about the game backgrounds.

You've done an exquisite job creating the game's atmosphere. Until recently, I couldn't quite grasp the indescribable feeling they evoked in me until I stumbled upon an illustration on Tumblr. In it, Tilda stands on the shore, gazing into the watery distance. The moment I saw this image, my heart skipped a few beats, and it has not let go of me, leading me to the state I find myself in as I write this letter.

My hometown is a city built along a river, devoid of tourists and featuring quiet stretches of sand on small beaches tucked away among slopes and tall shrubs. From my earliest childhood, I remember the river, which, in any season, maintained its grandeur—a broad waterline that at some point broke the line of the opposite shore, transitioning into the sea, practically merging with the sky.

For two years now, we've been at war; the shores are mined. In all this time, two people have lost their lives, and we're even asked to walk dogs near our yards. This place pulls and beckons, and sometimes, standing on the slope of the hill, I look down at the river, as if it still means everything, causing an inexplicable longing.

I don't know the context of the illustration, but how it imprinted in my memory helped me understand my feelings towards the atmosphere of your game. It so closely resembles my home, that lost place from better times.

Now, as I go through the demo version with friends, I occasionally point to the screen, saying that it looks like my hometown, and it becomes very cozy. I don't know if in the next ten or twenty years I'll be able to descend to my native shore without holding my breath in blind danger, but I do know that I have a wonderful substitute in your game.

I will faithfully await the release of the full game; thank you very much for this work—you're an inspiring person. Thanks again.

Thank you so, so much for writing this. The idea of my game being with you and even helping in some small way means so very much to me. I think I'll return to read this again very often.

I'll talk a bit about the context of the image below, so I guess if someone doesn't want to know, they should stop reading now!

**** SPOILERS BELOW ****

The game is set just after WW1 and the 1918–1920 flu pandemic. Both of Tilda's parents have died, and she is walking alone on the beach and thinking about that.

What she doesn't know is that Holmes and Watson are watching her from the clifftop, and considering how both they, and Tilda's extended family, care for her will always look after her.

I never know as a writer whether I should talk about the subtext of my own work, especially when it's a game that hasn't even been released yet. It might be that none of this really comes through in the final game, I don't know!

But I think it was initially a product of me processing the Covid-19 pandemic, and the reprehensible way politicians and policy makers and leaders acted, and the fact that people died, and the fact that we're all supposed to carry on our day to day lives as if that's ok now?

I say the game is set in 1920, but it's not really - it's set in a little universe set apart from ours. The characters in the game have all been affected by war and disease (and are still being affected by those things - and always will be affected by those things), and I've given them a space which is gentle to them as they look towards creating a better future.

[ladyloveandjustice]

Hello fellow sailor moon I just found your blog and in quite intrigued and figured you might find this question interesting

So I was watching Sailor Stars episode 7, and I realised that the sailor moon in the anime has something of a no kill rule in the anime while the in manga she seems pretty OK to kill most of her foes

In the anime, she spears a lot of her villains with the exception of Queen Beryl and pharoh 90, so I was wondering, do you think the sailor moon should have a no kill rule

Personally, I'm not a fan of her killing in the manga, considering she's meant to be the representation of love, so I'm kinda glad the 90s anime gave her the no kill rule

But in your detailed opinion do you think sailor moon should have a no kill rule?

(ftr i think manga Sailor Moon would also have saved an innocent civilian she knew had been transformed into a monster against her will. She refused to kill Hotaru, after all)

The no kill rule is kind of a weird thing thing to contemplate because it's like, does killing the monsters violate her supposed no kill rule? Sure, they're technically made of evil magic or objects or whatever but they're all sentient, and in later seasons they start having distinct personalities (the doorknob one who was bad at fighting, the jump rope girl who wanted friends, ect) but she never tries to talk them out of their behavior the way she would a human foe. It's kind of a convention of the genre.

I think Sailor Moon killing most of her enemies quickly was just a convention of how the manga had to work--Naoko only had twelve chapters and she was told to design seven or more villains to cover a 45 episode season and now she has to fit them in a short space somehow... so having them one shotted is really the only way to go about it. She didn't have time do do stuff like redemption arcs for villains, while the anime did.

It's also notable that Usagi regrets this even at the end of the manga. She realizes that these dark magic abominations were not something seperate from her or the rest of humanity, but lonely beings just like herself. And she grows tired of killing, because with all her loved ones gone there's nothing left to fight for.

As for my ideal, I prefer a mix. The Usagi who offers a hand to everyone, who sincerely believes anyone can change and should be given a chance... but if they've rejected that hand, and even worse, hurt/killed her friends, she'd do what needed to be done to protect the world, with a very heavy heart. She will never, ever give up on anyone if there's even a glimmer of a chance they would change their ways, but she's not stupid enough to die instead of defend.

I do thing the end of the anime where she forgave Galaxia for killing her friends and just totally let her off the hook- without even knowing if Galaxia would bring them back--was a bit too much in the other direction, personally. I wanted to see more anger from her, and i believe she WOULD normally have been very angry (like she was in the manga) if the writers hadn't decided she must be as saint like as possible in those episodes. I'm fine with her reaching out to Galaxia and helping her but there should have also been some anger and a demand there- undo the damage you've done, bring back my friends and if you can't I WILL personally remove your powers and we will rebuild every planet you've destroyed, find every survivor, because you're going to have to work for this."

The Usagi who killed Beryl (and Kunzite!) would have demanded those things, and I don't think her into becoming someone who wouldn't do those things makes her more enlightened, it just makes her seem less like a real person.

(Usagi does save Galaxia even more inexplicably in the manga, but there it comes off as an act of desperation after seeing everyone she knows get killed, it's over, there's no hope, she can't take it anymore, she wants to at least still have one person there with her even if it's the person who killed them, because at least Galaxia understands her deep loneliness)

To be clear, it's not like I think the last episode is terrible or anything. I can roll with it, and I love the scene where Galaxia's shell cracks open and we see her true self underneath. It just felt off, because yeah, Usagi is love, but love can be angry, love can be unforgiving, when the people you love the most are hurt.

[astertimberwolf]

RWBY WhiteRose Canon Rewrite

I am struggling to articulate the feelings I'm experiencing right now...

...I want to make a comeback as a WhiteRose fanfic writer after being inactive for over 5 years (save for editing stories for my best friend and my ex in the past).

I have these inexplicably strong feelings- the need to rectify how much a show that I used to love has been ruined over time by bad directors and writing teams, as well as Rooster Teeth's greed- following Monty's death, ages ago.

I want to make sure Weiss is there for Ruby when she needs it the most.

I want them to bond over this harsh world they live in, over the many losses, the grief, the pain... Everything they went through.

They are best friends. They are partners. They deserve better than whatever the hell Volume 7 to 9 were supposed to be.

I don't know how I will manage this with everything I have going on in my life right now, but I want to at least try.

I owe it. To myself. To anyone who enjoys WhiteRose and has been left high and dry all these years.

As a tribute to Monty, to those I loved who are no longer here. As a tribute to RWBY itself- to Weiss and Ruby. To how much they all meant to me and how they have changed my life for the better... or for worse.

If I have any self-respect left, this will be the one fanfic I will post and invest the most time in, if I ever make it back into the WR fanfic writing scene.

And to hell with whatever everyone else thinks. Feel free to disagree, feel free to block me, take the piss or whatever- I'm not doing this to please anyone. I'm doing this for me and what I value, which will likely never align with whatever every other rando on the internet thinks or feels.

Weiss will protect Ruby and help her get back up on her feet. They will talk, they will show all of the f*cking gay shades and colors of their friendship, relationship, and partnership. And I will be damned if I don't go down with this ship.

[vynegar]

lost in translation (ch 11, part 1) + some misc observations

a (non-exhaustive) list of differences i noted down for the translation of chapter 11 (part 1) while watching the chn and eng versions side-by-side. previously i did the same thing for chapter 9 and chapter 10. this also includes random comments and observations i had during this chapter.

disclaimer: i am not fluent in chinese, so keep in mind that there will be mistakes. feel free to let me know if you have questions, concerns, or comments. any alternate translations are my own, and are often especially literal (to show the difference between eng/chn).

Overall: Still nothing I’d consider egregious (ruinous to plot or character). Some omission of noncritical phrases in Chinese, like before. One thing I noticed more of is that the phrasing in English sometimes makes a line ambiguous or confusing, while the intention of the sentence in Chinese was much clearer. I have a few examples of these below; usually you can understand it using context clues, but I’m curious to know if other people noticed the issues when just reading in English. There were also some word choices that just felt a little… awkward? (It’s not here, but a few times when the word “grunt” was used…)

11-01

This may be a reference to Jerome's "preoccupation" with his age, like when he wanted to be called an older brother rather than an uncle (see my prev chapter translation comparisons). However, on second thought, this entire thing of his may be another nod to the idea of the pursuit of eternal youth and longevity? But honestly this is just a thought that crossed my mind, I don't really think that's the intention of the writers.

Based on the Chinese, it seems like Reina is older and Matthew is the younger brother.

The English could be interpreted as a hypothetical question, while the Chinese has Matthew directly saying that Vyn is unwanted. (Upon rereading, this is very minor and I would have left this entry out, but I already had the screenshot so I'll just put it here anyway.)

The Underling refers to Matthew using the suffix for people like presidents of companies (as he is a businessman). (Nothing wrong with the translation here, just again pointing out extra info that can be gleaned from the Chinese text.)

11-02

Marius refers to Matthew also with the same suffix.

This section also contains some references to Marius's previous stories:

Vyn was threatened with being locked dark space, which echoes one of Marius's childhood experiences (mentioned in his "In the Darkness" SSR and his blossom personal story, chapter 4)

Marius still can't hold his liquor, which we first saw in "Fabulous Feast" SSR

Ideally, this fear can extend into another thing --

"Of your own accord" gives the feeling of doing something of your own initiative, and voluntarily. The word used in the original text also implies that the thing was done secretly and/or without permission.

11-06

That last sentence felt like a mild warning, in which I could hear several inexplicably complicated emotions.

So the "complicated emotions" are on Vyn's side, not on Rosa's.

11-08

Rosa paints a very specific simile here but I'm honestly not quite sure what it's supposed to imply or if it's referencing something so I'm just going to put this here for reference. The literal translation says it's as if Marius "has hung a ring of keys at his waist and then forcibly drank 5 kg of puer tea".

11-09

[...] Even from the other end of the call, you can feel the embarrassment quietly spreading.

Not necessarily wrong, but the English sentence could almost be interpreted as the embarrassment is spreading throughout the phone, which doesn’t make sense and could cause a moment of confusion.

11-11

Dr. Richter, you haven’t chosen to believe anyone either, have you?

Note that in Chinese it’s not specified that Rosa is referring to “them” (the suspects in the case). It could usually be interpreted that way from context, but using “anyone” preserves ambiguity in Vyn’s response (i.e. it’s possible that Rosa or NXX are included in those that Vyn says he doesn’t trust).

(Sidenote: The beginning of the chapter emphasized the role of surveillance on NXX’s current actions. Therefore, Vyn might not trust anyone, or he might simply be saying what he wants other people to believe. It’s interesting to note that Marius, on the other hand, openly told Vincent in 11-08 that Rosa is the only one he trusts. Which, again, is likely influenced by the possibility of surveillance.)

11-13

After all, there is no way to detect psychological damage. Sometimes the parties involved are themselves not even aware of it.

11-15

By the time your mind has caught up with the situation, you had already placed yourself in his way without a moment’s hesitation.

I probably made more changes than necessary or literal, but it was to convey the feeling more. Then again, this may be one of those lines that seem fine to other people and I'm just stuck on my own knee-jerk impression of the English translation.

I think the English tries to convey "不暇思索地" with the phrase "you find yourself". However, this combined with the opening clause gave the impression that Rosa got caught up in the flurry of confusion, then just happened to find herself standing between Vyn and Darius. In Chinese, "不暇思索地" means something like “without thinking, without hesitation, without a second thought”. It adds a sense of instinctive protectiveness to Rosa’s action, which comes across in later lines of the English translation but I felt was lost in this line. This line was one of the most character-relevant issues I noticed in this chapter.

He looks over at you with rather undisguised astonishment.

11-16

Afterwards, he leaves them with a half-true threat.

Adds a little more playfulness to how he's threatening them with a lawsuit from Rosa.

If she were truly just a perpetrator, they [people online] would have pixelated the photos to prevent anyone from coming after her.

Subject issue, since it wasn’t explicitly stated in the sentence and it’s implied from the previous line.

11-20

Yeah, but I don’t want to answer that directly to your face just yet.

Probably nitpicky and most likely doesn't matter, but I’m going to point out the details since this seems like a foreshadow-y line.

Then he releases his foot and smiles seemingly gently at the young man.

Most of the time the “seemingly” can be (and is) left out in translation, but I think it’s better to keep it here since Vyn probably isn’t actually being gentle.

11-21

Look man, we didn’t do anything. We’re not gonna go asking for trouble.

Contributes to the idea that Luke’s best course of action is just not getting involved this whole incident and continuing with his work.

…No, even names that haven’t been carefully considered can bear meaning.

Thoughtful = “having a lot of thought put into it” would be fine here, but I feel that the more colloquial interpretation of thoughtful (“kind, compassionate”) would be strange since giving Albie a name is itself said to be a kind action. In Chinese, the word used specifically means carefully considering, deliberating, etc.

...you never directed your thoughts toward that direction.

Actually, I don’t think this would be considered an error in translation. I think the metaphorical phrasing is just almost opposite between eng and chn so it stood out to me. In chn it's more like thinking further in that direction; in eng, it’s more like finding a new position to position yourself, then view the situation and do your thinking from that angle.

I also have an analysis post about Albie's name which also involves comparison across eng/chn! Anyway, thanks for reading this far and feel free to let me know your thoughts ^^

[amplexadversary]

Completely self indulgent post but here's one of the post-canon scenarios I have in my head for G Gundam.

Maybe skip this post if you don't like dark themes. Not all of what I've outlined is dark (most of it isn't), but I do cross the line past what appears in the show in regards to DG cells and abduction.

The shuffles all get roped into restoration projects on Earth between the 13th and 14th gundam fights, partially to have something to do alongside their training, partially out of inspiration by the common points of the Kasshus' and Master Asia's goals, and partially because netting their countries some decent publicity is likely to earn them favors during the Gundam Fight's off-years.

Sai is contacted by Kyral about an effort to clear out the infamous buildup of trash and cadavers on Everest; he wants Sai to leverage Neo China's help as something of a reparation kind of deal and Sai goes sure why not.

Sai recruits Argo because Bolt Gundam is built to withstand the cold, and he thinks Argo and Nastasha could help reverse engineer that quality to enable the use of their Gundams as both heavy work equipment and protection from the harsh environmental conditions that normally prevent this kind of operation.

George gets involved because someone he knows has a distant relative who died on the mountain a century ago, and they wanted him to check in with the forensics team on the project. This detail is important because eventually it becomes clear that there is a mystery to solve (that I myself haven't figured out all the details of yet but broadly know the setup and conclusion); DG-infected people are disappearing and not being investigated due to stigma. Our heroes are naturally going to be pissed about this, and will need an "in" with the field if they want to do anything about it.

First massively self-indulgent element: The forensics/body identification team inexplicably includes the real-world author Kathy Reichs, who somehow exists in this universe, and there's a little side bit about her having written a Bones book right before the 12th fight that featured a cooked cadaver found inside a gundam after entry into the Earth's atmosphere. There are a lot of weird coincidences in the book that parallel the DG incident, which creeps everyone out, but the similarities are merely born of the writer threading the needle of being believable and interesting in a way that became very true to life.

What does become relevant is when the Shuffles eventually meet up, she's able to explain the implications of a bunch of weird shit the fighters discovered (also Marie Louise read her book, and one of the in-universe liberties Reichs took writing about the gundams' black boxes that she explains in the afterword leads to ML realizing something important; that Neo Germany does not have its gundam's remains.)

While the Everest project is happening, Domon, Chibodee, and Allenby all want to continue their training somewhere on Earth, and receive a proposal from (an OC of mine who is) a historic preservationist (and an acquaintance of Allenby's): she has acquired the grounds of an abandoned castle in Europe* after submitting a plan to restore it, and needs to hire people to help with the labor.

*the castle is probably somewhere in Germany because I also want this pitch to have drama over Schwarz (pre-13th fight), Schwarz (Kyoji), and Schwarz (the next guy who was supposed to inherit the mask when the older ninja retired). Also Germany is fucking pretty.

In exchange for the help of the three gundam fighters, they and Rain get paid, plus room and board anywhere on the grounds, plus full access to the grounds and miles of sparsely-inhabited countryside for training purposes, and the privacy and ability to practice with their gundams that comes with being in the middle of fucking nowhere. Rain sets herself up to work a clinic in the next town over as well as practicing pro re nata wilderness medicine (I'm convinced every medic supporting the gundam fight would need to be able to do this.)

The group involved in the Castle project sticks around for a time, makes some good progress, and engage in occasional Shenanigans that come up when you put a bunch of weirdos in a Situation.

They aren't in town a lot save for Rain, but when they are they eventually start to pick up on gossip and news about the Mysterious Disappearances correlated with DG cell infection (as well as details that turn out to be important later). Eventually Rain brings this to Domon and Chibodees' attention and they decide that, yeah, this is tied to the DG, this is their problem, they should convene with the rest of the Shuffle Alliance about it.

Also of course Schwarz is involved because I'm the one writing this; the culprits' DG-tissue harvesting operation relies on having him captured and helpless, using cells from his body to "update" other victims' DG infections to a less aggressive strain. One thing I haven't decided is whether I want a reinstantiated Wong to head this shit, or make up my own morally bankrupt opportunistic asshole looking to twist the DG to their own benefits. I also need to decide where on the planet the center of all this insanity is, and it needs to be a place that isn't going to have any unfortunate implications (because that's a genuine risk with dark story elements)

... That's about as much as I have that is thought-out enough for me to explain. I return to thinking about this scenario a lot because it puts most of the characters way out of their element (and has a bunch of details that appeal to me specifically), and it kind of evolved into an incomplete plot outline that I don't currently have any plans to flesh out.

I think it's an interesting enough direction to go, because it follows through with a lot of the themes present in G, but takes advantage of the genre shift to avoid DBZ-crazy power scaling and adjusts the conflict more to a matter of where the main characters' prowess is most effective (Both in and out of the gundams. I'm assuming there are a ton of guys similar to Michelo's gang that just need fighting interspersed with everything else I described. In fact, kicking Some Group of Douchebags out of their protection racket is probably how team Castle even gets ahold of evidence related to missing persons.)

[bropunzeling]

Ooo ooo ooo 4 & 8 for the fic writer asks pls and thank youuuuu!! If those don’t spark joy for whatever reason or you’ve already done them, swap ‘em out for whatever you want!!

4. a story idea you haven't written yet

what HAVEN'T i not written while also thinking about it extensively. lmao and also rip. one of the ones that's like, clearest to me and probably would take the least effort (and therefore it is inexplicable why... i haven't done it....) is:

when matthew gets concussed during the bubble playoffs, he wakes up. his head doesn't hurt, which is great. he's not in the right place, which is a lot less great. this is not his beautiful house, etc etc. but his phone is telling him he has to go to skate, and he has car keys, and so he gets his ass up and goes to skate.

and what the fuck, this is the DCA. what the fuck, everyone is talking to him like it is perfectly normal and reasonable for matthew tkachuk, known calgary flame, to be in the edmonton oilers practice facility. connor fuckin mcdavid calls him chucky. there's a stall with his nameplate. clearly something is WRONG. in fact the only thing that isn't wrong is that leon draisaitl stares at him like he is a bug, or perhaps a rabid possum.

he makes it through skate. he makes it back to his "house" (which he has never seen before). he goes for a nap.

he wakes up in a wagon and johnny all tied up next to him. they're both in some knockoff costumes from game of thrones, seems like. connor and leon are guarding them, and leon keeps glaring suspiciously at him, like he's not supposed to be here.

(and so on, and so forth. he keeps universe hopping, trying and failing to figure out why it's happening, and why leon seems to be the only person who gets that he isn't supposed to be here. do we think is related to them sleeping together a few times before the world shut down? your guess is as good as mine :) )

anyway it's like fully thought out i just need. to do it. universe hopping matthew u are in my heart.

8. if you had to write a sequel to a fic, you'd write one for...

there's only two timestamps/mini-sequels i'm seriously contemplating: marriage bets timestamp of The Time They Had A Real Wedding, and girl!leon timestamp where we finally, finally get rat baby in cup. everything else is a pretty complete story to me/doesn't have a compelling sequel plotline (to me, anyway)! skjskjskj tho always interested in what people would be interested in! you never know!

[daydreamingfuel]

Freak Like Me

Chapter 4

Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

AO3 // previous // next

Y/N has just moved to Hawkins from England with her parents and is starting at the high school in the final term of her senior year. Eddie immediately takes a liking to her and they become fast friends, deciding to take her under his wing and falling to her charms. This is Hawkins however and things are never quite as they seem...

WHOLE FIC TAGS & WARNINGS: gratuitous use of Y/N (I'm not sorry), friends to lovers, slow burn, mutual pining, eventual smut, semi-fix-it-fic, angst, injury, canon dialogue and events used, canon graphic violence, no main character death :)

Chapter Tags & Warnings: A whole lot of angst (reader is scared and angry), new character appearances (Wayne, Steve, Robin and Max), Eddie getting jealous, most of this is the reader interacting with characters other than Eddie but it's vital to her growth as a character and she does not shut up about him so he's still very much present.

Chapter Word Count: 6k

A/N - Yeah, I know it took me two months to upload the next chapter again, I'm sorry, I had writers block. Also thank you to everyone that commented on and reblogged the previous chapters, it means so much to me, you're all sweethearts

Her heartbeat thumped in her ears, her mind screaming to move, but Y/N was paralysed. Eddie was gone. He’d left her. Out of fear or cowardice or something inexplicable, she didn’t know. The once loud sobs had turned to a silent tremble as tears continued to cascade down her cheeks in the time that had passed. She had no idea how much time had passed. Hours most likely, though the world seemed to move in slow motion as she tried desperately to pull herself together. She had to think of something.

How are you supposed to explain this to the police, huh?

What would everyone think? You’ll be exiled. Again.

What will Mum say?

“Mum…” A sharp intake of breath made her body crumble. She could go home, explain what she could to her mum and form a plan for when the police came knocking. But it was inexplicable, they wouldn’t be able to explain the death in any way that makes sense. Chrissy’s death didn’t make sense. The sound of boots outside the trailer door alerted her to the reality of the situation but Y/N couldn’t will her body to move. Keys at the lock told Y/N it was Eddie’s uncle Wayne coming back from his shift.

The man was no stranger, and he had grown accustomed to seeing her in his home. Y/N could remember the first time they met, as clear as day. Popcorn had been flung everywhere when a jumpscare had actually managed to make her jump during one of Y/N and Eddies movie nights. Wayne had walked in on Eddie laughing at Y/N for being scared of the “kind of cheesy” jumpscare and immediately called Eddie out for being a scaredy cat himself as a child, then making him clean up the popcorn. From then on he often doted on her subtly when Eddie wasn’t looking so as to not embarrass him further. What the man did not expect when he came home was a mutilated cheerleader in his living room, Y/N sobbing by the kitchen counter and Eddie nowhere to be seen.

“Care to explain?” Wayne asked in fear and desperation to make clarity of the grotesque sight before him.

Her voice was quiet and hoarse, the memories of Chrissy’s bones breaking flashing through her mind, making her shudder as she spoke, “I don’t know how to…but I didn’t do this. She was my best friend, Wayne.”

Something in the fear and horror in Y/N’s eyes softened Wayne’s already weakened resolve, but he still urged on, “Did you see what or who did? And where is my nephew?” What was she supposed to say to him? That his nephew had abandoned her with Chrissy’s body after they watched her be raised from the earth and murdered in mid-air? No, she couldn’t do that to him.

“No.” Y/N locked her wide, wet eyes with his worried ones, “I didn’t see a thing.” It wasn’t a complete lie. Y/N had no clue who or what had done this to her friend. But it wasn’t the whole truth either. “And Eddie…”

“His van is gone, I thought he’d be with you, celebratin’ an’ all, but he ran didn’t he?” Wayne spoke, the weight of it settling on him. “Running scared, and left you here.”

“I begged him to stay. That running makes him look guilty when he isn’t, he would never, but he-” The words cut themselves off with a choked sob bubbling up from her chest. After a few deep breaths to calm herself down she asked quietly, “What do we do?”

Wayne stood up and pulled Y/N up with him, he ran a hand over his head and down his face before answering, thinking over everything, before ultimately saying, “I’ll handle the cops, you go find my boy.”

“Wayne, I-”

“Just go find him, bring him home. I’ll call this in, say the house was empty when I got here.” Wayne insisted and urged her to go. She didn’t have it in her to argue, so Y/N quickly rounded up her things and fled the house, sparing one last glance at Chrissy and mouthing a ‘thank you’ to Wayne as he dialled ‘911’, before running home before anyone noticed she was even there.

Her whole body was aching and sweaty when she finally collapsed through her front door, finding her mother asleep at the dinner table. Y/N's heart squeezed in her chest at the sight as she rounded the table and made her way to the bathroom to freshen up a little, splashing cold water over her sticky flesh and taming her hair as much as she could before heading back to her sleeping mother and gently waking her. As soon as she opened her eyes, Y/N all but flung herself into her mother’s arms. Though she had only just awoke, Mrs Y/L/N held her daughter close, stroking her back to soothe her though she had no clue what was wrong. Y/N’s mind raced once more, shaking though protected in her mother’s warmth and care, as the tears began to fall again, soaking into her mother’s old cardigan. Feeling like a child again, she was rocked gently until she found her voice.

“Mum, something terrible happened,” Y/N whispered into her mother’s shoulder. She couldn’t lie to her. No matter how much she wanted to, she couldn’t hide this from her. So, Y/N recanted the whole story - no inexplicable, horrifying detail spared - to her mother, who sat and listened patiently until the story was over. It all came out in one long ramble, jumping from one thought to another until she ended by saying, “I need to find him, he’s in huge trouble.”

“Breathe, Y/N.” Mrs Y/L/N spoke calmly, “Count with me, 1…2…”

“1…2…3…4…”

By ‘10’, Y/N’s thoughts were clearer and she pulled herself up to make eye contact with her mother, who had been silently crying herself. “I hope you are aware of how insane this is, dear.” Y/N could only nod and her mother took a breath before saying, “But I believe you.”

“You do?”

“You are many things, dear – reckless, stubborn, strong-willed, but you are not a killer, and you’ve never lied to me. Why would you now? If you say you nor Eddie did it, I believe you.”

“Mum, I’m scared.” Y/N finally let herself say, “There’ll be a manhunt for him soon and Chrissy won’t get the justice she deserves, because he didn’t do it, and there’s no proof…there’s no proof that it was him but there’s none that it wasn’t either. He ran, he looks guilty.”

“Do what you promised, find him and we can clear his name. If there really is no proof and all they have is circumstantial it won’t hold up in court, but he needs to be back here to plead his case.” Mrs Y/L/N was calm in her own fear, moreover protective of her baby. “But eat first. Go have a shower and I’ll make you something, you’ll need your strength.” She stood and started pulling things from cupboards and the fridge as Y/N stood to wander back to the bathroom. “Honey?”

“Yeah, mum?” Y/N turned back to face the kitchen.

“Let’s not tell your father, just yet.”

“Agreed.”

The hot water running over her sore muscles made her groan in relief as she rubbed soap into her skin. She was tired and hungry and scared, but her mind was wide awake. Where would he go? There weren’t many options, but she still wasn’t too familiar with Hawkins and the surrounding woods. The sun now bursting through the curtains alerted her to how much time had actually passed. Checking the clock on the wall, made her shudder, past noon. He could be anywhere by now; this was going to be difficult. Hot food wafted its comforting smell through the house and pulled Y/N quickly back to the kitchen with a grumbling stomach, reminding her that she hadn’t eaten since before Hellfire the previous day. Y/N and her mum ate in relative silence, sat side by side with their chairs almost touching, letting the gravity of the situation begin to settle around them. With every bite, Y/N tried to piece it all together to no avail, so instead turned her mind to really thinking about where he could have run off to. Running through every conversation she had ever had with him, picking out as many different locations as she could remember. Just as she was forming a list in her head of places to check, the phone rang, cutting through the silence.

With a hard swallow, Y/N stood and answered the phone. “Hello?”

“Y/N!” Dustin’s voice echoed through the phone speaker, “Thank god, do you-”

Bewildered, Y/N asked, cutting him off, “Dustin? How did you get this number?”

“I, um..” he stumbled to fund the words but quickly got himself back on track, “That’s not important right now. Do you know where Eddie is? You were the last person to be seen with him.”

Y/N’s blood ran cold, her grip on the phone growing tighter.

“Y/N? Are you still there?”

“Y-yeah, Dustin, I’m still here. I just-,” Y/N’s breathing began to get more laboured with each word, “Eddie, he’s- I don’t-,”

“Y/N?” A new voice, a young girl. “I’m Max, Dustin’s friend.” Y/N realised this must be Lucas’ ex, the ‘badass’. “I live opposite Eddie in the trailer park.”

Shit.

Max continued, “I saw Eddie leave, he looked scared, terrified. But I saw you and Chrissy go in together, with him.”

“Fuck. I…Max, can you put Dustin back on?” Y/N heard the phone being passed on, “Dustin? He’s innocent, I swear to God he’s innocent.”

“I know.”

Y/N’s breath hitched, she took a chance on him before her brain could even process the words falling out of her mouth, “Where are you right now? I think we need to talk in person.”

She ran to her room to get dressed and dry her hair as much as she could before backing up a backpack of things she might need in the search for Eddie. In just over an hour from hanging up the phone with Dustin she was pulling him into a hug outside Family Video. The freshman was perplexed as to why she was holding him so tightly but didn’t let go until she started to pull away. He lead her inside, where she could finally put some faces to the names of people that she’d heard about over the past two months.

Max Mayfield was taller than Dustin, with fiery red hair pulled into a braid, a strikingly pretty contrast to her fair skin, with headphones around her neck. Robin Buckley, a girl in her year that she had somehow managed to not have any classes with, stood leaning against the counter of the store, her bobbed hair framing her face perfectly, though slightly dishevelled from running her hands through it. And Steve “The Hair” Harrington, whom she had heard so much about from Dustin, taller than them all, strutted over to greet Y/N and Dustin at the door. Y/N was immediately taken aback by how casually handsome he was.

“So this is Y/N?” He asked Dustin who nodded with a smile looking between Steve and Y/N, “I’m Steve, this is Robin and Max. We’ve heard a lot about you, nice to finally meet you,” he smiled, charm dripping off the words with ease, though Y/N got the immediate impression that it didn’t work as much as it used to, the uniform vest taking his confidence down a peg. But Y/N was charmed anyway, he seemed cool in a classic way.

"I wish it was under different circumstances,” Y/N gave him a smile back, which quickly turned into a frown as her rows furrowed. They all silently agreed. Dustin guided Y/N to the central counter where the group huddled. “Look what happened…it’s nonsensical.”

They all exchanged uneasy but familiar looks as Y/N filled them in on what had occurred at the trailer as simply as possible, not wanting to break down again. Their expressions weren’t of disbelief, but of recognition. They actually believed her. When it was over, Y/N could all but see the cogs turning in their heads, putting missing pieces she didn’t know of together.

“Do you have any idea where he could have gone?” Robin asked, her voice vaguely hoarse but soft.

Y/N licked her lips and took a breath, “I have a list, but there’s one that sticks out the most. Eddie gets drugs from some guy named Reefer Rick, and sometimes Eddie crashes there.”

“Sounds promising. It’s the best lead we’ve got, after you.” Dustin said. Of course, Y/N would be the first lead people would follow with how closely linked they are. Y/N raised her eyebrows quickly in acknowledgement and Dustin continued, “Where does Reefer Rick live?”

“See, that's the thing. No one knows.” Max answered, “He's more of a… a legend than someone that people actually know.”

“He never let me go with him to do pick-ups, so I have no idea,” Y/N added.

“Last name?” Robin then asked as Steve wandered away in frustration.

“I don’t know that either. I’m sorry.” Y/N wished she could be of more help, all she wanted to do was find him, and it seemed like they wanted the same. For one reason or another.

Robin shook her head as if to say ‘Don’t be’, but then her eyes lit up with an idea as she messed with one of the tapes. Suddenly, she was sitting at the computer typing away.

“What are you doing?” Max questioned her friend’s odd behaviour, moving to stand next to her as the rest of the group followed suit, surrounding Robin and the computer.

“Maybe we don't need a last name.” As Robin pressed ‘Enter’ on the keyboard, the screen filled with a list, “Twelve Ricks already have accounts here.”

“Lot of Ricks,” Y/N said, more to herself but it got a snicker from Max and Steve, as she rested her hands on the back of Robin's chair, leaning over her shoulder a little to read the list of names.

Robin looked up at Y/N over her shoulder and blushed slightly at the proximity but quickly turned back to the screen, “So, let's narrow it down.” She clicked on the first name and his details filled the screen. “Rick Alderman's latest rentals are Annie and Dumbo. Chances our drug dealer has a family?”

“Not likely.” Max immediately said and Y/N nodded in agreement. Back, down, enter.

“All right. Rick Conroy.” Robin announced the next Rick, “Sixteen Candles, Teen Wolf, Romancing the Stone.”

Max, Steve, Dustin and Y/N all spoke in unison, “No”

“Okay.” Back, down, enter. “Rick Joiner. Mask, Footloose, and Grease”

Another resounding “Nah,” from the group. Back, down, enter. “Rick Kimbrough. The Blue Lagoon and Splash.”

They laughed lightly at the film selection, but it still didn’t seem likely, as told by Max who said “Definitely not”, immediately followed by Steve’s “No way.”

“Okay.” Back, down, enter. “Rick Lipton. Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Cheech & Chong's Next Movie.” They all looked at each other smiling, as Robin read out the list, “Cheech & Chong's Nice Dreams. Cheech & Chong's Up in Smoke.”

Y/N chuckled “Bingo.” Found you.

Max asked, “Lipton?”

“Spelled like the tea.” Robin confirmed, “2121 Holland Road.”

“That's out by Lovers Lake,” Dustin said immediately.

Max nodded slowly before adding, “Middle of nowhere.”

“It's a perfect place to hide.” Robin finished all their thoughts for them and backed out of the screen as they all scrambled to move. Steve did a sweep of the shop to make sure there were no customers left inside before grabbing his bomber jacket from the back office along with his car keys. They rushed outside, Robin bringing up the rear, slamming shut and locking the door to the store, flipping over the ‘Closed’ sign before piling into the front passenger seat of Steve’s BMW. Y/N, silently questioning how Steve could afford such a nice car whilst working minimum wage, clambered into the back seat between Max and Dustin, only just pulling her seat belt on as Steve floored it out of the parking lot.

Max leaned her head against the window, headphones connected to her Walkman, eyes closed listening to the music. On her other side, Dustin was going through his backpack recounting the contents methodically, before pulling out a notebook and a pen and writing down as much as he could remember from Y/N’s story along with some other details that Y/N didn’t recognise. But she did catch the phrases ‘Demogorgon’ and ‘The Upside Down’. Steve and Robin, in the front seats, playfully bickered, talking about the different film choices the Ricks made and debating who had the best taste, intercut with stories of Steve’s failed attempts to impress the girls who came into the store. Y/N’s knee bounced as she played with her hands absentmindedly in her lap. If Eddie were there, Y/N knew he would rest a big, warm, ringed hand on her thigh to ease her anxiety before threading his fingers through hers and squeezing gently. Heart clenching at the thought, her head dropped back with a deep sigh as they drove further out of central Hawkins.

Steve, having seen Y/N’s anxiety in the rear-view mirror asked, trying to be as casual as he could, “So, you and Munson?”

“Huh?” Y/N lifted her head up off the back of the seat to look at him quizzically, having zoned out and only just registering that she was being talked to. “Oh, yeah…Eddie, he’s, well…”

Dustin scoffed and muttered under his breath, still writing, “They’ve got something going on.”

“Dustin!” Robin exclaimed, getting the freshman to look up in offence to his scolding, “You don’t have to talk about it Y/N.”

“Nah, it’s okay. He’s not completely wrong.” Dustin gave Robin a smug smile and then looked at Y/N expectantly. “Look, there’s nothing official about it but we’re close, that’s it.”

Steve and Robin nodded in understanding and dropped the conversation, turning up the radio a little and going back to bickering like siblings. But Dustin rolled his eyes, before talking in a hushed tone, “You know, you’re not very subtle.”

“What do you mean?” Y/N asked, matching his volume, and watching as he put away his notepad and pen.

“It’s obvious that you like him,” Dustin stated, matter-of-factly, as though it was as known that the sky is blue.

Y/N blanched silently, mouth agape in shock at his audacity. Thinking back to their heated moment in Hellfire before this all kicked off, she blushed before it was taken over by a surge of anger. “Well, he obviously doesn’t feel the same, he still left me there. Alone, with my best friend’s corpse. After watching her be brutally mutilated.”

Dustin gulped. He looked away, staring at his lap. Y/N looked away from the boy to find the rest of the car’s eyes on her, making her groan and sink into her seat more, hugging herself. Steve and Robin made eye contact, silently communicating before Steve fixed his eyes back on the road and sped up. The rest of the long drive was quiet, only Steve and Robin still talking. In a few hours, the high streets and shops turned to cul-de-sacs, which in turn became back roads into the forest. By the time they were nearing the lake, it was getting dark and Y/N was starting to feel hungry again so pulled out a bag of Doritos from her backpack. She took a few before offering the bag to Dustin with a small smile. She hadn’t meant to snap at him earlier, she was just tired and confused. He grinned at her and took a handful gratefully. Forgiven.

Leaning forward, Y/N placed the bag between Robin and Steve on the centre console, Robin immediately dived in with a bright “Thanks Y/N”, followed by Steve who squeezed Y/N’s hand gently in thanks, eyes fixed on the now dark road ahead. Finally, she offered the bag to Max who had barely spoken or moved since getting into the car, laying a hand tentatively on her shoulder and gently shaking the bag in front of her. But Max just shook her head and moved the bag away, readjusting in her seat. Y/N tried not to take it personally, maybe she just wasn’t hungry. As they came up to a small house by the lake, Y/N stuffed the half-empty bag back in her rucksack, pulled out a torch in its place, and unclicked her seatbelt.

The group clambered out of the car, Dustin handing them all a torch and smiling when he saw that Y/N had come prepared. He wandered up to the front door and rang the doorbell. No response. He tried again. Still no response. So, he tried again. And again, and again and again and again until-

“Okay. Well, that's settled. I guess he's not here.” Steve cut Dustin’s assault on the doorbell off. Y/N snickered at Steve’s sass but took matters into her own hands.

“Eddie?” Y/N knocked on the door as she called out for him.

Immediately echoed by Dustin. “Eddie! It's Dustin!”

 “Great,” Steve said flatly as Robin shone her torch through the window, peering through.

Dustin continued to call out for Eddie as Y/N knocked, “Look, we just wanna talk, okay? No cops, I swear. We just wanna help.” Dustin was growing more agitated with every passing second, “Eddie!”

Robin shushed him as he tried the doorbell again, Y/N dropped her head to thump against the door in frustration. But Dustin wouldn’t stop, “Rick!” Dustin bangs on the door, “Reefer Rick!”

“Don't scream that.” Steve chastised, shaking his head his young friend as he continued to bang on the door, talking back and forth as they shone their flashlights into the house.

“Rick!”

“He’s not there!”

“Reefer Rick!”

“Just-”

“He could just be really high.”

A small pause in their bickering was interrupted by Steve, “Is that a foot?”

To which Dustin replied, “No, that’s a shoe.”

“Oh, my god.” Y/N finally exclaimed, having heard enough, and walked away from the pair and started wandering over to Max, who was circling the house.

Max tilted her head as the light of her torch caught something, then stopped still as the light revealed a hidden structure in the darkness, “Hey, guys?”

The group shone their torches where Max was facing, to find an old-looking, metal bunker of sorts. It was worth a shot. Y/N immediately set off for the door, quickly followed by Steve, and Robin close behind. The lock was undone, making Y/N’s heart skip a beat, as she pulled it free from the fastening of the door and dropped it into the grass. Steve reached over and slowly pulled the door open with a creak, making them wince.

“Hello?” Y/N called out into the darkness, scanning the room where the light of her torch traced. The bunker was filled to the brim with old fishing equipment, barrels, boats covered with tarp, and absolutely covered in a thin layer of brine and dust.

“Is anyone home?” Robin asked into the space but there was no response.

Steve wrinkled his face in disgust, “What a dump.” Walking along the back wall of the room, Steve’s eyes caught something. He suddenly turned off his torch and picked up an oar in both hands before lunging at the tarp-covered boats and prodding them with the tip of the oar.

“What are you doing?” Dustin stopped searching and turned to Steve in bewilderment, he asked again. “What are you doing?”

“He might be in here,” Steve answered, as though it was obvious, continuing to poke the tarp and whatever was underneath it.

“So, take the tarp off.”

“If you’re so brave, you take the tarp off,” Y/N rolled her eyes at the boys bickering again and wandered over to a table where Max was looking.

“Hey, look over here,” Max called out and was flanked by Y/N and Robin, their eyes scanned the surface, strewn with crumpled-up papers and empty wrappers. Unlike everything else in the room, there was no dust covering them. “Someone was here.”

“Maybe he heard us.” Robin considered as they looked through the mess on the table. Y/N instantly recognised the candy bar that Eddie kept in his glove compartment ‘in case of emergencies. “Got spooked and ran.”

“Again,” Y/N added bitterly.

“Don't worry. Steve will get him with his oar.” Cheerful sarcasm dripped from Dustin’s words.

Steve straightened himself up for a second to glare at Dustin before giving a sharp jab to the tarp, “I know you think you're being funny, Henderson, but considering almost everyone in this room has nearly died a hundred times,” Y/N wasn’t sure whether she had heard that quite right but she didn’t have the time to process, “personally, I don't find it funny in the slight-”

Suddenly, in a violent blur, Steve was being held up against the wall of the shed, a broken glass bottle to his throat, the group shouting for it to stop, by a deranged-looking Eddie. His eyes locked onto Steve’s panicking face, practically foaming at the mouth.

“Eddie!” Y/N cried out for him, “Eddie! Stop!”

A sharp turn of his head forced him to lock eyes with Y/N, she saw something akin to regret flash in his dark eyes before he turned back to Steve.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Eddie! Eddie! Stop!” Dustin shouted louder, “It's me. It's Dustin. This is Steve. He's not gonna hurt you, right, Steve?” The man in question nodded as much as he could and voiced his agreement that he was harmless, before Dustin continued, “Steve, why don't you drop the oar?”

Steve reached out his arm and dropped the ore to the ground with a thump, and Eddie pinned him even closer to the wall, Steve’s neck stretched back and exposed to the sharp edge of the glass. Y/N’s heart raced in her chest, terrified for a man she had only met mere hours ago.

Dustin tried to ease the situation again, echoed by Steve, and Eddie finally spoke, voice shaking, “What are you doing here?”

“We're looking for you.” Y/N was exasperated, and the sound of her voice made Eddie close his eyes to take a shaky breath. She added, more gently, “We're here to help.”

“Eddie, these are my friends.” Dustin broached the subject as calmly as possible, “You know Robin, from band.” She imitates a brass instrument of sorts, in a kind of cute but awkward way, “This is my friend Max. The one who never wants to play D&D.” Max nods and shrugs in acknowledgement, giving Eddie a small wave.

“Eddie. We're on your side.” Y/N interjects, getting angrier, “I swear on my mother.”

She could swear that his breath hitched. They all chimed in agreeing with the bizarre statement. But it worked, as Eddie lowered the bottle and let Steve go.

“Jesus Ch…” Steve rubbed at his neck with a huff of relief as Eddie walked away and slumped against the wall, slowly sliding down it until he was sat on a bench by a partly covered window, the bottle still gripped tightly in his hand. The moonlight shining through glinted off the glass and highlighted the tear tracks on Eddies flushed cheeks, mirroring Y/N’s as fresh tears began to fall at the sight of him trembling in front of her.

Dustin, not wanting to scare him, slowly crouched down in front of Eddie, “Eddie, we just want to talk.”

Y/N came to kneel down next to Dustin, looking up at Eddie and biting back her anger, pleading with him to listen. He looked away again, and Y/N’ whispered in disbelief, “What? You can’t look at me now?”

A delicate hand was placed on Y/N’s shoulder, Robin said, “We just want to know what happened.”

“You won’t believe me.” Eddie's voice was hoarse and weak, staring off into space and gently rocking himself back and forth.

“Try us,” Max stated firmly and Eddie looked up at her with wide eyes.

Y/N licked her lips and reached out to take the bottle from him, he allowed it but still couldn’t face her, “Eddie, they believed me.”

Finally, his eyes found hers again and he didn’t break it. As he looked at her, the fear and anger in her eyes transported him back to the moment he’d left, wishing he had stayed. Instinctively, his shaking hands reached out for hers, but she pulled away with a deep sigh and walked away, standing by Steve and checking if he was okay. Steve ran a hand through his hair and nodded that he was fine, but she stayed by his side. Eddie’s blood boiled at the sight but knew he had no ground to stand on. He swallowed the growing lump in his throat and started to talk. He skipped everything that had happened between them after Hellfire, they didn’t need to know, and Y/N was glad that there were still some things left unsaid between them – that their private moments weren’t told for the group to indulge in.

“Her body just, like, lifted up into the air and, uh…” The once eloquently spoken boy was grasping for words like they were foreign to him, unable to properly explain what he had seen, “And she just, like, hung there. And her bones…Uh, she…” A small whimper escaped him as the memory came back to him “Her bones started to snap.” The sound of it echoed in Y/N’s mind and she had to turn away, Steve noticed immediately and reached out for her, resting a comforting hand on her arm as she silently cried, “Her eyes, man. It… It was like there was something, like, inside her head, pulling. I… I didn't know what to do, so I…ran away.” Y/N tensed. “I left her there.”

Y/N was by his side in a flash, the sound of her slap ringing through the air, a red handprint on his cheek, “You left me there!” Y/N shouted, tears streaming freely again, hands pulling her back and away from him. She shook them off. “I begged you to stay, and you left me anyway! I was the one that was found at the crime scene by your uncle, he let me get away before calling the police but we’re probably still prime suspects one and two.” She stalked towards him as she spoke, the bottle still in hand, fury oozing off her with every word. Eddie’s eyes were scanning her, wide, terrified and guilty, “I was terrified Eddie, we watched my best friend get murdered and you abandon me to deal with it, making yourself look guilty - and now you have the fucking nerve to expect sympathy? Fuck you.”

She dropped the bottle, and it shattered on the floor, before walking away from them all towards the door to get some fresh air and calm down. Once she was outside the rage subsided somewhat, but it was still festering. She would forgive him, eventually. Hearing steps behind her, Y/N turned and found herself against Steve’s chest. “Woah, sorry.” Steve took a step back, holding his hands up in a show of deference, “So…that was, intense.”

“Yeah, guess I’m angrier than I thought I was.” Y/N leaned against a nearby tree, a low-hanging branch making it easy to pick off leaves and rip them apart, dropping the confetti foliage to the ground and repeating the process.

Steve slowly approached her, not wanting to crowd her space, “I understand it though. I’d be pissed too if it was me.”

“You don’t think that was an overreaction?” Y/N said, laughing bitterly at herself, regret already starting to sink in.

“Even if you’re not together, it’s just a bad thing to do to a friend.” Steve reasoned and she sighed, closing her eyes. “Y/N, he hasn’t even apologised for leaving you there.”

She looked past him towards the fishing shed, “I haven’t given him a chance to.”

“We’ve got time.” She decided she liked this Steve, “But, right now there’s more important things to say. Stuff you need to know.” Steve’s soft expression hardened, and his jaw twitched. He held out his hand to lead her back inside, and after taking another deep breath she took it. He didn’t drop her hand as they entered the room, only letting her go when she went to sit by Eddie on the bench.

“I’m sorry for slapping you,” Y/N stated tensely, “But I am still mad at you.”

“Understood.” Eddie nodded, before running his hands over his face and sniffing back more tears. He looked at the group in front of him as they processed what they had heard, nobody mentioning Y/N’s outburst, “You all think I'm crazy, right?”

“No. We don't think you're crazy.” Dustin tried to reassure him but Eddie was having none of it.

“Don't bullshit me, man!” Eddie shouted but calmed quickly, his voice coming out in almost a whimper, “I know how this sounds.”

Y/N swallowed her rage, her care for him overpowering it momentarily, and rested a hand on Eddie’s. He clung on for dear life, and she hated the way she could feel herself forgiving him already. She didn’t want to forgive him just yet. Still, she laced her fingers with his and rubbed soothing circles into his skin with her thumb.

“We're not bullshitting you.” This time Max tried a hand at reassurance, her voice soft but firm, mature for her age and Y/N wondered what had happened to them to make this feel almost normal.

“We believe you.” Robin urged looking between Eddie and Y/N, “Both of you.”

Dustin sighed softly, as though preparing himself, “Look, what I'm about to tell you both might be a little… difficult to take.”

“Okay?” Eddie said, slightly confused as Y/N looked over to Steve who nodded, obviously knowing what Dustin was about to tell them, and affirming that however insane it would sound, it was the truth.

“You know how people say Hawkins is… cursed?” Dustin asked and Eddie nodded but Y/N shook her head, she hadn’t been around long enough to know the folklore of the town, but she had a feeling she was about to find out. “They're not way off. There's another world. A world hidden beneath Hawkins. Sometimes it bleeds into ours.”

“Like ghosts and shit?”

It was Max who replied, “There are some things worse than ghosts.”

“These monsters from this other world…we thought they were gone.” Dustin continued his explanation, and a strange chill ran down Y/N’s spine, “But they've come back before. That's why we needed to find you. To be sure.”

“If they're back again, we need to know,” Max added in earnest.

There was a brief silence, and then Robin asked gently, “That night, did you see anything?”

“Dark particles, maybe?” Max prompted, followed by Dustin.

“It would almost look like dust, swirling dust,” Dustin said it like it was something as familiar as grass, but Y/N had no clue.

“No, man, there was nothing you could see or, uh…or touch.” Eddie answered, gently squeezing Y/N’s hand to stop the stammering, “You know, we tried to wake her, man. She couldn't move.”

Y/N nodded, the memories strong behind her eyes, interjected with memories of them happy in a gruesome reminder of how fast it all happened, “It was like she…she was in a trance or something.”

“Or under a spell,” Dustin suggested, realisations setting in in his mind, worry running deep.

“A curse.” Eddie corrected, his voice stronger now, looking Dustin dead in the eye.

Dustin stared up at Eddie, “Vecna's curse.”

A heavy weight hung in the air. “Who's Vecna?” Steve cut in, genuinely confused.

“It’s a D&D thing,” Y/N answered him with a small smile that was quickly overtaken by fear. “An undead creature of great power.”

“A spell caster.” Eddie added and Dustin confirmed, “A dark wizard.”

If all this was true and monsters and an alternate Hawkins did exist, Chrissy had been cursed and killed by an evil sorcerer from another dimension. How in hell were they going to survive this?

previous // next

[scary-grace]

fic writer tag game

I got tagged by @mirkwood-hr-department for this game several days ago and at long last I have time to sit down and do it, so --

How many works do you have on Ao3?

Sixty as of Halloween night!

What's your total Ao3 word count?

1,958,061. And we're not even halfway through Kairos. Yikes.

What fandoms do you write for?

The Tolkienverse (namely the Hobbit) and My Hero Academia.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

i ain't changed, but i know i ain't the same -- bnha erasermic hanahaki fic

seeking a friend for the end of the world -- barduil zombie apocalypse au

Kairos -- barduil SLOW burn historical haunted house romance set in 1977

Show Me My Silver Lining -- bagginshield band AU (my first grown-up fanfiction)

more than words can wield the matter -- after the Elves return to their forest at the conclusion of the Battle of the Five Armies, a certain elf starts writing Bard some very questionable letters

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I usually don't respond to them in thread, but I thank everyone for them in the author's note of the next chapter, and I respond to specific questions there or on Tumblr!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Undoubtedly i'll follow you into the dark. For now.

What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Show Me My Silver Lining. For now.

Do you get hate on fics?

I used to get it, back when I was writing on fanfic.net. I get the odd inexplicable comment these days, but so far I've been lucky on Ao3.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I write smut. I think. Mostly it's the nonexplicit variety, but I recently started using the three Cs when needed, so maybe it's explicit now?

Do you write crossovers?

I do not! The closest I've ever come to a crossover is naming all the non-canon background OCs in my BNHA fics after characters from a certain other manga. Nobody's guessed what it is yet.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No to that as well!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! My collaborators include incredible writers like @lonelyheartsmotel, @dogblessyoutascha, and @corndog-patrol!

What's your all-time favorite ship?

Barduil, no contest. The sheer number of words I've put into that pairing is unreal. The fact that I even have another ship is thanks to the sheer power of @corndog-patrol and e-girl!Mic.

What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I intend to finish them all, and am trying to finish at least two this week. But as for unpublished stuff, probably the barduil 'a quiet place' AU. I didn't make it too far, and I definitely lost motivation.

What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm pretty solid at writing plot. Nothing makes me happier than leaving foreshadowing lying around and seeing if readers catch it.

What are your writing weaknesses?

As evidenced by my Ao3 word count, I'm not very concise.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't think I've ever tried it. I usually indicate dialogue that's supposed to be in another language with italics.

First fandom you wrote for?

Marvel. On fanfic.net. Dark times.

Favorite fic you've written?

Mm, I think Kairos is still my crowning achievement. But I have to say that I'm really proud of Love Like Ghosts, the first fic I ever wrote entirely in the Notes app on my phone and the first fic where I avoided ever using the main character's name.

I'll go ahead and tag @dogblessyoutascha @phantombstone @sophsiaaa and @melkors-defense-attorney!

[tobiasdrake]

Before we continue, Desuhiko has a new Hangout to attend as well.

YES. FINALLY, I got to eat at the hotel's diner. Only took several murders to get here.

Wouldn't have thought Desuhiko would be my ticket to diner food but here we are.

REALLY, DESUHIKO?

I can't escape it. Even in the Hangouts that are supposed to be about Desuhiko, he's still only interested in shilling the game's main ship. I'm pretty sure Desuhiko has had more lines of dialogue about Yuma/Kurumi shipping than Yuma and Kurumi have.

Which, to be fair, isn't hard since most of Yuma and Kurumi's shipping moments have consisted of awkward pauses and blushing at each other.

You know what I would like more than a Gumshoe Gab with Desuhiko about how Yuma's totally feeling feelings oh so very much for Kurumi? A set of five Gabs for Kurumi where they get to be sweet and romantic together. But we can't have that, because then Kodaka would have to write romance instead of regurgitating the same lazy pining cliches that everyone uses to talk around their own subplot.

Writers give so few fucks about their obligatory love interests that they'd rather give us an intimate private conversation with Desuhiko about Kurumi than an intimate private conversation with Kurumi.

This is why all of the most popular ships are gay. That's what audiences take away when characters only get to express themselves on a personal level with their same-sex besties. Frodo and Samwise are the ship because nobody gives a shit about Rosie Cotton. Why would they?

Sorry. I aggressively hate the Stock Romance Tropes and it's triggering for me. What were we talking about?

We're supposed to be like "LOL That delusional Desuhiko" but it's not like Yuma and Kurumi's relationship has had much more development than that.

We talked about this before with Desuhiko's aspirations to be a star. He has low self-esteem and is more interested in the validation of having people adore him than he is in cultivating an artistic talent.

His skirt-chasing is very much the same. He's not chasing skirts, so much as he's chasing the optics of masculinity. He doesn't have a type because it's not about the women; It's about the image he projects, but to others and to himself.

That's why he was so inexplicably well-behaved at Aetheria Academy. A "comical pervert" in an all-girls' school is a scenario ripe for raunchy shenanigans, but the worst thing Desuhiko did was get on stage to try and play guitar badly to a captive audience. A lot of "comical pervert" type characters in his position could have taken far more advantage of this scenario, especially from the guise of an authority figure. But he didn't. He was. Chill. About the whole thing.

We violated the girls' privacy more than Desuhiko did.

And despite having the ability, there's no indication he's ever gone back. He's instead resumed his standard practice of accosting random women on the street to go, "Hey baby what kind of man do you like" and then fucking off.

I don't think this is about women. I think it's about Desuhiko, a boy with low self-esteem who craves external validation, trying to feel secure in his fragile masculinity by projecting the image of a Ladies' Man. The larval form of a PUA.

It's 'cause your heart wasn't in it, my dude. Trust me, I've been there. If success with women causes you to have a panic response and want to be anywhere but here, it probably means you don't want to be here.

Could be you're gay. Could be you're ace. Could be your interests in women aren't as universal as you've convinced yourself and you do, in fact, have a type. Could even just be that the surrounding circumstances made you feel uncomfortable.

Desuhiko writes it off as "Oh, I just hate northern accents" and. Sure. Maybe that's it. But it's nonetheless a chink in the armor of his playboy self-image. He had his chance and couldn't bring himself to take it because when push came to shove, he wasn't interested. He only wanted to look like he was.

This is the part that PUAs don't like to talk about. "The Game" doesn't make you happy. You listen to Manosphere bros talk about women for five minutes and you quickly realize that they are miserable. Even when they're successful, they aren't having any fun. They talk about sex in clinical terms, describing it as "inserting a rod of tissue" or calling it "not an especially pleasing activity".

Imagine dedicating your whole life to the pursuit of something you don't even enjoy. Desuhiko had his shot, and he got a taste of how miserable it feels to have your relationship with another human being reduced to Insert Tab A. He may regret it now, but the fact that he freaked out and bailed on that situation rather than grit his teeth and forge his way through means there is hope for him. He may yet avoid a redpill future.

And also, I'd be remiss not to bring this up, but good on him for getting out of that situation. A "stunningly beautiful" woman who's VIP enough for the WDO to provide her with private security, something that is very much Not My Job? Sounds like a grown-ass woman to me. And she was constantly hitting on him, to the point that he regrets "having his chance" and panicking?

Desuhiko is like 14. He doesn't know it but he escaped the clutches of a predator.

[screwhope]

@freezegirl : a question for the lovely writer behind this blog: what's your favorite emma swan look and why? <3

omg. loaded question. i can't just pick one. the costume design for the whole show is crazy good. there are so many. this is gonna involve a lot of pictures.

so , fundamentally , i always picture emma in her red leather jacket. i think it's fundamental and sentimental to her. i'm glad they gave it an origin story. i personally didn't like them giving her like 20 different leather jackets in season 1 specifically but i understand wanting her to look different. but then again she's supposed to be living out of like 2 boxes. it would make sense for her to have 1 or 2 jackets.

i'm a sucker for the pilot 'bait' dress. i think it really shows off like ... her using her assets for her job and being confident in that. she never wears dresses like the rest of the show (aside from like ballgowns and that time she had to dress up in fairytale clothes) and i understand she's not like comfortable in them nor does she like dressing up, but i do think it really flatters her and she found a niche that really worked for her. luring people in to dates and booting their cars? a+

speaking of dresses tho. the camelot arc is so aesthetically pleasing. i dont remember a whole lot of the plotline, but ?? pretty.

personally , i'm a real big fan of when emma's arms are out. i think it's such a good reminder that she is a tough bitch who has had to take care of herself her whole life. she's not the dainty princess. she actively works out and can do 50 pullups. mostly it just shows how low effort she is. like she's not going all out. she's comfy. it's also just ,,, so gay.

speaking of 'emma looks like a badass' looks , i very much loved her enchanted forest pants look. some people hate it but she looks like a ... hot knight rogue u know. like hide your princesses. she's dressed like flynn rider and thats hot.

speaking of hot EF emma -- this photoshoot was purely promotional and im not sure it was used anywhere but in magazines. but warrior emma ??? MMMM

basically her whole wardrobe from 3.12. you can tell regina made these in her little 'au where emma is inexplicably rich enough to afford a nice apartment in manhattan with henry and doesnt wear jeans and a tank all the time.' like these outfits scream regina. love that. bitch has style and knows what would suit her.

i also think her ballgowns were always really nice !! like !! ouat never slept on elegance.

her winter outfits were also really cute and cozy.

and then finally , the bar wench outfit. i just ,,, muah.

honorable mentions !

SIDE TANGENT -- OUTFITS I ABSOLUTELY DESPISE !!

[zer0expektation]

I rewatched Loki (and got progressively angrier), here are the highlights:

(featuring my queer analysis/rewrites hehe)

Episode 1

22:03 - “if looks could kill” Mobius ab and to Loki

22:05 - “What do you want from me?” “Well, let's start with a little cooperation.” “Not my forte” “really? Even when you’re wooing someone powerful you intend to betray? Come on.” Mobius and Loki - GAY

24:35 - “I am smart.” “I know.” “okay…” “.. okay” actual weirdos

Episode 2

5:13 - Loki ‘reading’ Mobius’s jet ski magazine hehehehe

14:03 - “Look, I know you have a soft spot for broken things.” Ravonna to Mobius as he talks about why he should be allowed to keep Loki alive

16:30 - Loki adjusting Mobius’s tie as he talks about how ‘adorable’ it is that Mobius thinks he can manipulate him, because hes a freak

24:34 - “Loki, i've studied almost every moment of your entire life” Mobius literally what is with you

24:53 - Pompeii scene my beloved

Episode 3

7:16 - “don't ever call me that” “Tech savvy?” “no, a Loki.” Sylvie and Loki silly funny sibling behaviour

22:15 - “You’re a prince. Must’ve been would-be-princesses or perhaps, another prince.” “A bit of both. I suspect the same as you.” ah the beloathed line that haunts my nightmares

31:28 - “y’know, i feel like i've told you so much about me, i really don't know the first thing about you.” yeah ‘cause there is LITERALLY NOTHING TO LEARN ABOUT HER Sylvie is so badly written it actually kills me

Episode 4

7:26 - “like me being born the Goddess of Mischief” - Sylvie is arrested by the TVA for having been born a girl, and presumably that later meaning that if she wanted to she could become a Valkyrie if she wanted to - which i'm fairly certain it's mentioned that Loki wanted to be a Valkyrie when he was younger. This is actually so fucking stupid. The file on our Loki variant states that they were born with a “fluid” sex (whatever the fuck that means), and we are to assume that a lot of parts of variants are intrinsically the same between each other, so you’d assume that Sylvie would also be born with a “fluid” sex

10:07 - Loki and Sylvie are finally bonding by discussing what “makes a Loki a Loki” and Loki insisting that its their collective ability to survive - of course they have to be fucking weird about it which causes a Nexus event, because plot i guess

11:00 - i hate that we don't get to actually see Loki and Sylvie get picked up

12:39 - isn't it a little fun, a little silly, that the bad memory Loki is stuck in is Sif saying “I hope you know you deserve to be alone and you always will be”

17:17 - it's interesting however that it doesn't really hit for Loki until after hes admitted that he does things for attention because he's scared of being alone - BUT i don't like that that is probably reason that the writers had for him falling for Sylvie, him thinking that because she is like him that she has similar fears and thus wouldn't do something to lose that companionship, rather instead it would have been interesting in its use to how Loki has inexplicably grown attached to Mobius of all people (especially because it is immediately followed by Mobius coming in)

15:27 - “aren’t you supposed to be interrogating your variant pet?” r15 to Mobius

19:11 - “I'm going to miss these little tete-a-tetes.” “Me too.” mocking from Mobius, a bit more genuine from Loki

20:59 - “you like her.” Mobius to Loki about Sylvie - im going to kill myself

22:14 - “your female self” good god im going to drown myself its so bad - neither Loki nor Sylvie should be considered a male or female version of the other, because they are both NEITHER male or female, they are both “fluid” in sex - the writers clearly did not know, nor give a fuck about the queerness of Loki and the character it actually makes me want to tear my own head off

34:26 - okok, i think it's fun and a little silly that Loki has a big reaction to Mobius being pruned, one that's harder for him to conceal than the one when he's told that Sylvie’s been pruned - but also, a bit nitpicky here i know, it's really dumb that he's just standing there, he doesn't even try to reach out to Mobius to move him out of the way or anything

41:18 - the “No, i have to tell you something” & “back on lamentis…. This is new for me.” & grabbing Sylvie’s shoulders - clearly supposed to set up the idea that Loki has some-fucking-how fallen for Sylvie (which is dumb as even worse written than most straight relationships) and wants to tell her now? For some reason? HOWEVER, it could have so easily been (and would have been better) instead, him trying to tell her that he trusts her and sees her as a partner in crime and a friend. Because that's the whole thing, right? Loki is scared of being alone, and yet doesn't do friends, and doesn't do partners, because he knows that he will always be alone anyways. The nexus event is him finding solace in the fact that he will die beside a friend rather than alone like he's always known he would. But nooo selfcest is definitely better than meaningful friendships, why dont you fucking kill me for thinking otherwise. Anyways he gets pruned here anyways so L Loki, fucking loser.

Episode 5

Unrelated but where the hell did the Lokis get their clothes - like, i get Sylvie because shes been fucking off all over the timeline for a long time, but everyone in the void? Why do they have their clothes

Again it seriously kills me that Sylvie has no character - no likes, no goals outside of destroying the TVA, no self-reflection, she's the woman character that is smarter and cooler than her male counterparts because they need to be looked after in order to not be killed

Another note on this, we can get a vague idea of what Loki will want when everything is over - he jokes about wanting to rule an entire universe/timeline, but in reality everyone knows he will just want to go somewhere where he's cared about and seen as equal, somewhere where he won't be alone - but we don't know what Sylvie will want, we cant even conceive an idea, because all we know is that she wants the TVA and whoever controls it gone, and we can assume that she wanted to be a valkyrie when she was little, but we know literally nothing else about her, so we have to assume either her and Loki are going to figure out their paths together, or that she will go off to figure it out on her own and we won't hear or see her again until she has a dumb cameo I think i would respect how little we know about Sylvie if it were a “i've spent so much of my life surviving and fixated on this one thing that i haven't had time to figure out who i am as a person and what i like and what i want after its all over”, but we never get anything like this, at least in any kind of depth that would make it good The Strong Woman trope is what I was looking for

16:04 - “Have any of you met a woman variant of us?” “Sounds terrifying.” i'm going to bash my head against the wall until my brains are crawling out the other side

Whoo president Loki, aka the only version of Loki selfcest i can stand behind, because at least commit to the bit if you're gonna do it

The one black Loki is the overly aggressive one that betrays everyone first, because what else should we expect from hollywood. Fucks sake

I do adore that the Lokis have so easily adopted Mobius within their little group and how good he is at understanding all of them

30:18 - “Mobius isn't so bad” “or so good. I think that's why we get along.” “he cares about you” Sylvie and Loki 

okay, I'm not saying that they should have made Mobius the love interest, however I absolutely am saying that. I personally think that would be far more compelling than the selfcest plot, it wouldn't be out of nowhere like i'm sure some may argue because so much of this show was spent on showing that Mobius is the only person that's been able to truly understand Loki and get a good read on them and Loki views him as a friend despite it all, on the other hand i think the selfcest plotline is absolutely out of nowhere, but its not viewed as such because its portrayed as straight and thus expected, they have little to no romantic chemistry, they have had very very very few scenes where they are interacting positively with each other that aren't surrounded with the fact that they are working together because they have the same goal and are trying to survive and most of those interactions are sandwiched between arguing.  I just think this scene could have easily been about Loki acknowledging that he cares about Mobius in a way that he doesn't think he has anyone else before, Sylvie could make a call back to her mailman, and then Loki can go quiet and amongst that have the blanket thing w/o the strange glances and awkward pauses and then they can discuss betrayal and what they want to do once everything is all over

31:48 - “i dont have friends. I don't have… anyone.” Sylvie - well now you do because thats all that this will be right? :D ← the face of denial

36:47 - “looks like you got away in the end” Mobius to Loki - you are a homosexual

37:09 - the lokius hug & Loki’s face before it

40:48 - “I don't know how” “you do, because we’re the same.” Loki and Sylvie - well you dont fucking say! Gee golly! Who woulda thunk it? Certainly not me, Mr. sylkie-is-selfcest-no-matter-how-you-twist-it. Good god I hate this stupid show.

Episode 6

I hate this show so so much, but i do really like when the silly mascot character that is kind of overlooked as comedic relief turns out to be a vessel for the villain, or at least are more sinister than they first seemed and they just become kind of uncanny and unsettling 

I also really like immortal characters that have been alive for so long that they are truly exhilarated by their end

33:45 - Loki having a “no stop, this isn't you ;(” moment is so funny

34:56 - the grossest moment of the show. Selfcest, ladies and gentlemen!

35:12 - i feel like it is very important to note that sylvie saying “but i'm not you” here, is NOT her denying that her and Loki are the same, just that the experience and feeling that Loki is expressing is not shared

39:49 - “Who are you? What's your name?” Mobius to Loki - sobs it's so upsetting i can't do this - imagine how much more tragic this scene would've been if Mobius was set up as the love interest shm my head stupid fucking show

End :))))

[klatchshy]

So season 2 establishes Bo as a very driven and capable leader. She's a bit underhanded and she fights a bit dirty but that just adds spice. At the end of season two, through no fault of her own she does not get the darksaber. ok. Din has it. ok. I hated that personally, I didn't want that for him but you know what? There's drama there. There's room for some self discovery. We've all read the fics, we all know how fun it is to make Din Mand'alor.

But what's this? In season 3 Bo-Katan is arbitrarily knocked back to square one after not getting the darksaber. Her friends think she is a failure and unworthy of leading and it isnt even worth it to try and take back Mandalore anymore. So she's completely given up. Why? Why didn't she give up when she first lost the darksaber to gideon? Why did her friends stick by her then? Or why did they join her when they knew she had lost it?

What really throws a wrench in this whole thing though is that we are never given a real reason as to why Bo shouldn't have the darksaber or why her friends left her. She is never given a fatal flaw, besides maybe her refusal to murder Din (but this shows loyalty, something Mandalorians are supposed to value). But she is unworthy anyway, and her friends all hate her and she hates herself.

And now, this whole season is building BO-KATAN up as a capable leader, instead of Din. But we already know she's a capable leader! She was one last season, before the writers inexplicably decided to fuck her up and put her back to where she presumably was when she originally lost the darksaber to Gideon. And they've NEVER established anything wrong with her! The only thing she needs to do in this season seems to be regain belief in herself, which she lost because her friends left. And her friends had no good reason to leave.

It would have been so easy to fix this, too. Make her arrogant, or stubborn, or reckless, or in despair, or SOMETHING, ANYTHING. Give a reason for her and her friends to give up on her outside of the sword. Something that she needs to change about herself. This is baby's first protagonist shit.

If it was Din, this would all be very simple. He's never been a leader before. He's not qualified. He has no experience. He would have a lot of work to do, and it would take a lot for him to figure out that yes he is a good leader.

Anyway, as of chapter 22, Bo-Katan's arc isn't satisfied, but she got the sword anyway. She doesn't really believe in herself, and the people who gave up on her don't really believe in her either but she got the sword by loophole so they're rolling with it. Nothing has changed about her yet! "she's walked both ways" they have established exactly one clear difference between the covert and normal Mandalorians and it's just the helmet rule and she didn't like it. All they're actually doing is getting Bo-Katan back to where she was in season 2.

So why didn’t Bo katan just get the damn sword at the end of season 2 if they were just going to arbitrarily set her back in season 3 so she could become worthy of the sword she was already worthy of in season 2? Don't tell me in the next two episodes she's going to lose it and this whole season will have been an exercise in wasting my goddamn time.

Look I'm sorry to be that person but honestly. Why is this season about Bo-Katan? Why Is She Here?? Why wasn’t Din enough??? Why couldn't we just let The Star Wars Dad And Baby Show be about the fucking DAD AND HIS BABY

[gliyerabaa]

4, 23, 29 for the writer asks :)

hehehehehehe thank you Carson I love doing these <3

4. How many WIP's do you have right now?

Oh jeez, the actual number is not one I'm willing to count... But WIP's with the intention to finish and post... I think I'm sitting at around 4 right now?

Per Aspera ch. 24

angsty one-shot (the premise of this is actually really cool- an AU where Glinda goes with Elphaba after DG, becomes a healer on the front lines of the fight)

smutfic sequel, currently at nearly 6k words and still more to go 😔😔😔😔😔 (not actually *sad* about this necessarily, just like... all these words, going to smut...)

WIP that I may finish, it's more just a few sentences of ideas than anything, based off of this song

23. How do you choose where to end a chapter in multichapter works?

Ok so in my years writing, I've gotten a lot better at 1. writing outlines and 2. actually sticking to the outlines. Take Per Aspera for example, I have the overarching plot written down in a 13 page bare bones outline, and then I flesh each chapter out with its own outline more.

The only times I break in unplanned places is if the word count is getting to be Too Much. Chapters 13 and 14 of Per Aspera were supposed to be 1 chapter, but I decided to break it into two for readability's sake. Might wind up doing the same with the second part of the smutfic. We'll see.

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic.

I've decided to share the unfinished doc that was the very root of the inspiration for Per Aspera Ad Astra. It's the beginnings of a short scene about the summer heat that I wrote in the dead of the coldest winter I've ever experienced. A lot of it is just scenario and context, but this unfinished doc is literally what started it all

It was a particularly hot summer afternoon, and Glinda was absolutely overcome with boredom.  Her parents were out of town yet again, and all her popular friends were on vacation- without her. They had all practically abandoned her the second she even mentioned the possibility that she might not be straight.  Small town life as a mostly-closeted lesbian wasn’t easy. Nearly everyone in the tiny Kansas town of Shiz had made their stance on ‘them strange city folk’ very clear.  And by ‘strange city folk’, they meant anyone who wasn’t straight, white, or Christian.  Her phone buzzed twice.  2 new messages from Elphaba Speaking of not straight, white, or Christian…. -hey.  -bored as hell, wanna hang out? Glinda sighed. Elphaba was her best friend and, to put it nicely, the town freak. She was the atheist daughter of the pastor of the only church in town, she was inexplicably green and unashamedly queer.  And Glinda was stupid enough to catch feelings for her.  She was bored out of her mind and needed something to do, but the very thought of spending time with Elphaba made her stomach flip in the best possible way.  She decided to type an ambiguous response. -idk. it’s sooo hot out and there’s nothing to do here anyway The response was almost instantaneous.  -we could drive to Wichita, do some shopping. I know how much you love shopping Wichita was almost two and a half hours away. There was no way she’d survive that long in such close quarters with the girl of her dreams. She needed an excuse. -ugh that’s so far away, besides, my parents just got me a bunch of new clothes for my birthday, I don’t really need anything -besides, you hate shopping -yes, I do. but it makes you happy and that makes me happy  Glinda blushed. Why did Elphaba have to be so infuriatingly nice? Before she could recollect her thoughts, her phone buzzed again. -we could go to Nanny’s. then figure out if we want to do anything else from there? -ooh, I’m starving. Nanny’s it is then.  -great, I’ll be right over Glinda’s heart was racing. She knew that she had no right to be crushing on her best friend this hard.  But her mind would always wander to Elphaba’s emerald green skin, her dark, captivating eyes, her gentle smile that she usually kept hidden from the rest of the world, that sweet, sweet smile that she wanted nothing more than to kiss- no, she banished the thought.  Needing to refocus her mind, Glinda rolled out of bed and decided she’d better get ready. She checked the weather on her phone: 90 degrees with 55% humidity, basically ridiculously hot.  She switched out of her t-shirt to a pink tank top and shorts. She heard Elphaba’s truck pulling into the driveway, so she kicked on her sandals, grabbed her purse, and hurried out the door.  The heat outside was oppressive. Glinda didn’t realize how much she relied on air conditioning until the few seconds she was forced to go without it. 

And that was all I had written in the doc. This is from February of 2019 so the style and characterization is a little outdated by my current standards. But, there it is. What would have happened, had this played out more:

they get lunch at Nanny's

they drive around in Elphie's truck, stop somewhere for ice cream

drive to a lake, unrestrained summer fun ensues

a first kiss in the back of her truck in the night, surrounded by fireflies

[amostimprobabledream]

The Boys Season 4 Ep 6 & 7 *SPOILERS*

The fuck was that?

No seriously. What is with this show and using male sexual assault as fucking comedy? Starlight gets SA'd by The Deep and we don't see it, it's treated 100% seriously, used to establish The Deep, Starlight and other's characters, has massive consequences for The Deep, lasting impact on Starlight and opens the viewers eyes to what kind of world Vought is. Hughie gets lured into a basement and has a bunch of kinks forced on him he can't refuse - literally - and it's funny because haha, Ashley is so weird and kinky! Look at these losers! (Also remember when they had that random girl shove her fingers in The Deep's gills after he begged her to stop, and it was played for dark comedy because it was supposed to be his "punishment" for what he did to Starlight?) Seriously, they put fucking cakefarts in the show? For why? Just to show how gross they are? Yeah, we got that when you made characters run around in whale guts and had a guy go into someone's asshole and explode him from the inside. This is such a summation of the show using sex and gore in place of good writing. And what did Hughie even do to deserve this?? Was killing his Dad and his mother emotionally manipulating him not enough? And why doesn't it get ANY proper discussion afterwards? Or what the hell was up with Starlight demanding to know what else they did to him? Hello? Starlight, YOU'VE been assaulted before, you don't just ask like that!

I'm not trying to pin all the blame on MM here, HOWEVER - if Hughie had gone down into that basement and BUTCHER had been on this mission, he would have stormed it his damn self. He wouldn't have done this whole "Wait just a minute!" Shit. And if he found out what Tekk Knight was doing to Hughie? He would have eviscerated him. Nevermind spending all his money on charities, he would have mutilated that man. I'm glad MM quit as the leader the episode after this because he's terrible at it. Also he owed Hughie a fucking apology for delaying getting him out of there for so long.

Um…why were Homelander and Victoria eye-fucking each other so hard in Ep 6??

Kessler calling out Butcher on how he's never actually cared about what his pwecious Becca wanted and he cheated on her was so cathartic because I saw no lies - remember how he spent the whole of Season Two trying to figure out how to forcibly separate her from Ryan the "supe freak"? Also, of course Billy cheated on her, because Becca is not a person to him, she's an idea of a person.

Um. So I was excited to see Homelander/Firecracker but that was NOT how I expected it to go. (Also him standing there telling her "I am not sexually attracted to you" before she got her tits out was insane. Is he blind?? She's SO pretty - she's easily the prettiest girl he's been with.)

This is a controversial take, but MM and Frenchie are both throwing up so many death flags atm. I know that people are speculating over if A-Train is going to die, but if he doesn't, it seems like MM is going to kick the bucket. The classic trope of "he could have walked away but didn't and he died for it" got dangled SO hard when he chose not to leave with his wife and child. And the writers clearly have no fucking idea what to do with Frenchie anymore - they can't kill off Kimiko because she's the only Supe on the team who can actually fight properly, but since she doesn't need him to translate for her anymore, Frenchie's sort of stopped having a purpose. He used to be the one who figured out how to kill Supes but he hasn't done that in forever. Also The Boys have all inexplicably survived for four entire reasons relatively unscathed, it's time one of them died.

I may not like A-Train's character, but I will admit that his redemption arc is a lot better written than Maeve's was. I still don't care if he dies or not, though.

I'm kind surprised that it took four season for The Deep and Starlight to have an actual fight, honestly. That scene was great, it was so fun seeing The Deep and Noir embrace the violence and how physically strong The Deep actually is?? He was denting lockers and yeeting Starlight into the ceiling like nothing! MM busting in out of nowhere with the machine gun was so fun too. That's the kind of high-stakes action I was missing, not stupid-ass mutant chickens.

Homelander killing Webweaver was so satisfying. He was grossing me out. (Also like someone else on tiktok put it, tf was Firecracker acting all shocked for? Did she forget she beat a man to death one episode prior??)

It's kind of funny how the show is setting up that Sage may be smart, but she really lacks insight on other people. She can use buzzwords to manipulate them, but emotionally she can't relate to other people at all. Like, did it not occur to her that it would be better to let Firecracker think she's on her side instead of being openly cruel and mocking to her? Or how Homelander was going to be pissed off that she kept her long-term plans from him? I think this short-sighted arrogance is definitely going to play a part in her eventual death.

That whole line from Ryan when he was whining about Becca again and he's like "my mom loved Xmas!" was so stupid. Like, shouldn't Xmas have been a horrendous time for someone in her position? She was living in a pretend town monitored by Vought to monitor Ryan while giving him a facade of a 'normal childhood', all the while knowing that her husband and family thought she was dead and were having Xmas without her would suck ass. You might argue she was putting on a smile for Ryan's sake, but claiming she LOVED Xmas when realistically it should have been an awful, depressing time of year was so dumb. It's just more of "Becca was the bestest mommy ever and definitely didn't have underlying resentment/anger towards Ryan and how his birth turned her life into a glorified prison, even though she logically knows his conception wasn't his fault!" thing.

I really have no idea how they plan on handling Victoria's character, but I would prefer it she and Firecracker didn't die, I want there to remain more villains than just Homelander, in Season Three there was this really childish attitude from Butcher, Starlight and Maeve where they acted like if they just killed Homelander, all problems would be solved. Victoria's a nice reminder that there are plenty of other threats, and that Vought and people like Stan Edgar are the real enemies. (Also does anybody think it's weird Starlight also calls her "Vicky"? I get why Hughie does because he worked with her for months but Starlight's had like two conversations with her and one ended with her getting socked in the face.)

Also, is Starlight's inability to properly control her powers because she keeps trying to reject that part of her? Like, she keeps blaming all her problems on Starlight and she's Annie, but you can't deny your Supe self and expect your powers to still work. Those are Starlight's powers, not Annie January's. It reminds me slightly of how Ryan couldn't really use his powers in S2 because Becca coddled him and it wasn't until Homelander taught him how to embrace his negative emotions he could do anything.

Oh shit, the shapeshifter is totally going to use Starlight's identity to kill the president, isn't she? That would legitimately be so fucking cool for a twist ending to the season.

I have to say I haven't really been enjoying Season 4 nearly as much as the other three, it's been feeling like homework I have to do so I don't fall behind the rest of the fandom. I'm glad next week is the season finale.