#like i'm not saying this negatively AT ALL!!!

[luna-loveboop]

Febuwhump day one- vocal chords

I did this yesterday and it took me all of last night and today to get a decent picture

it's Echoes of Wisdom Link :) (and some of his dark echo..) he went through so much and fought on even without his voice. Lueburry's words are on the back:

and it was a how small of words can I drill on an egg challenge- 'All of the kids who were taken by rifts have lost something. For Link, he lost the ability to speak. Despite all he has been through, he fights to keep others safe. His bravery has moved me deeply.'

Sooo yeah. egg. I think a shaded eow link worked well for this one.

:)

[ladyxgaga]

Lady Gaga speaks with Elle UK about her new single "Abracadabra" after the 67th GRAMMY Awards

ELLE: And who is the lady in red? 

GAGA: The lady in red is all of you that puts you to the test. Your internal monologue. 'Can you do it? Can you do it? Will you do it? Are you good enough? Can you handle it?' In a lot of ways, the song is about dealing with that challenge to yourself and very often the world around us can reflect it back to us as well. I wanted to explore the question, 'What does it feel like to thrive and not just be surviving all the time?'

ELLE: At the end of the video, is she defeated? Are you victorious over all that inner doubt? 

GAGA: To me, in this video, she initiates the challenge and this purer side of me that is peering up at all of the negative backtalk, all of the doubt, and facing all that side of me, she completely comes through. And she says, 'I'm up for the challenge.' And it's interesting because we had all these different ways that we thought about the video ending and ultimately I wanted this song to be about resilience in a way the song Disease was not. That track was about inner torture and being trapped.

And so with this song, I wanted to crack open what it means to persevere. And explore the metaphor of perseverance on the dance floor, because the dance floor is - for me, anyway - it has always been the place where I try to improve myself as a human being. How do I work harder? Have more passion? How do I give more of my authentic self? How do I earn my spot as a performer?

Read the full interview with Elle Uk here

[quantumfrail]

As a portrayal of a scientist (biologist, I believe) on humanity's most crucial mission, Brand's argument is a jarring departure from scientific thinking. The film leans into a mystical, unscientific framing that makes Brand feel less like a scientist and more like a romanticized emotional foil to Cooper’s rationalism. Let me explain.

Cooper: You're a scientist, Brand. Brand: So listen to me when I say that love isn't something that we invented. It's... observable, powerful. It has to mean something. Cooper: Love has meaning, yes. Social utility, social bonding, child rearing...

The concept we have as "love" evolved as an adaptation that serves clear evolutionary benefits through social bonding and parental investment (example: increased survival and reproductive success), as Cooper correctly notes. Love is not a physical force like gravity, but it is observable in neurobiology. It involves chemical and neurological processes (oxytocin, dopamine, etc.) that facilitate bonding and cooperation.

Brand: We love people who have died. Where's the social utility in that? Cooper: None.

This is likely a residual effect of our broader capacity for emotional attachment - the grief response doesn't simply switch off when someone dies, as that would be maladaptive for a social species. The scientific problems compound when examining her dismissal of love's evolutionary origins. Not all creatures who survive show love or any emotional attachment -take tardigrades who have survived all mass extinctions and can survive in the vacuum of space (or other extremophiles who thrive in harsher conditions). Even among social species, love is just one of many survival strategies, not a universal requirement. Many species rely on hierarchical dominance, symbiosis, or sheer reproductive numbers rather than deep emotional bonds. This is strong evidence that love is just one of many possible evolutionary strategies, not some fundamental force of the universe.

Brand: Maybe it means something more - something we can't yet understand. Maybe it's some evidence, some artefact of a higher dimension that we can't consciously perceive. I'm drawn across the universe to someone I haven't seen in a decade, who I know is probably dead. Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends dimensions of time and space. Maybe we should trust that, even if we can't understand it. All right Cooper. Yes. The tiniest possibility of seeing Wolf again excites me. That doesn't mean I'm wrong. Cooper: Honestly, Amelia... it might.

While she correctly notes that love is "observable," she then makes an enormous unsupported leap to claiming it "transcends dimensions of time and space" - a statement that conflates a neurobiological phenomenon with fundamental physical forces like gravity. Brand is cherry-picking one emotional capacity and attributing cosmic significance to it while ignoring the more negative sides of the human emotional spectrum. Her argument goes beyond biological utility, implying love has cosmic or extra-dimensional significance, which is not supported by evidence.

The same emotional attachments that make us care for our in-group can fuel hostility toward out-groups. She singles out love while ignoring its darker counterparts like hate and greed - the very emotional drives currently fueling environmental destruction and potentially leading to human extinction (see: "Holocene Extinction" or "Anthropocene Extinction"). The irony is particularly sharp given that humanity's tendency to prioritize emotional decision-making over rational analysis contributed significantly to Earth's crisis in the first place.

The scene's gender dynamics are especially disappointing. Having the female scientist advocate for emotional intuition while the male character maintains rational skepticism plays into tired stereotypes about women in science. This undermines Brand's credibility as a scientist- instead of showcasing her scientific expertise, the scene reduces her to a romantic idealist making mystical arguments about love transcending spacetime. It makes her look less competent in a mission that's for the survival of our species.

While the scene clearly aims to explore the tension between empirical reasoning and human experience, it does so by sacrificing the scientific credibility of one of its lead characters and falling into gendered tropes. For a film that (mostly) strives for scientific accuracy (thank you Kip Thorne), this represents a significant misstep in both its portrayal of science and its character development. It falls into the tired trope of the emotional woman vs. rational man, making Brand seem less competent in the most important mission in human history.

TLDR; The scene pushes a sentimental, one-sided argument that ignores the full picture of human emotions, their evolutionary roles, and the very basics of physics. The scene leans into the tired rational-man vs. emotional-woman trope, making Brand feel more like a romanticized emotional foil to Cooper’s rationalism than a competent scientist. In a film that (mostly) aims for realism in its scientific principles, reducing its female scientist to the role of an intuitive idealist mystic weakens both her character and the credibility of the argument. This scene also undermines its own scientific credibility by framing love as a cosmic force while ignoring its evolutionary and biological roots.

INTERSTELLAR (2014) dir. Christopher Nolan

[ladyloveandjustice]

This is such an absolutely convoluted Natsume way of thinking, it's killing me. "I'm jealous of Tanuma's bed but I could never tell him that because then he'd start nagging me to ask the Fujiwaras for a bed and I'd have to explain for the millionth time "no Tanuma beds costs money and it would be extremely ungrateful to ever ask for anything that costs money" and he'd be like "no it wouldn't :/" because he REFUSES to get it and it would be a huge thing. what a pain. Thank god I'm always five steps ahead in thinking about the potential negative outcomes of anything I say or do."

me too Natsume me too.

(on another note I had wondered before if it would be better for Natsume to have a bed than a futon, just because since he gets sick so often, it seems like it would be hard on Touko to constantly have to kneel and get up all the time?? So I'm glad we're on the same page. Hopefully one day Touko will realize the bed thing even though Natsume refuses to ask)

[beneathsilverstars]

what does the party think of loop being a different siffrin. like why theyre here. likee do they think loop is a siffrin who.. succeeded? a siffrin who died?

[context: Dagger Ending AU]

Ooh yes. Here's everyone's theories from the first week or two, and what Loop had to say about them!

They've all discussed their theories together (though with some details omitted when Bonnie's there), and they have varying opinions on each other's, but they mostly stick to arguing their own if just because they have a clandestine bet going on. Maybe a little gauche, but sometimes you need to lighten the mood by acting the same way you do for sillier topics.

Bonnie's theory: Siffrin asked the stars for a friend.

Bonnie's story is inspired by some fairytales they were told when they were younger. Those fairytales were inspired by stories from the forgotten island, so Bonnie's version here actually brings it closer to the originals again! Though of course, with a Vaugardian twist.

Bonnie says: Siffrin was worried about being left alone, so since he really likes the stars for some reason, he asked the stars to be his friend forever. So one of the stars came down to be with him! But obviously a dot of light wouldn't make a very good friend, so they had to Change to be a person — and a dot of light that isn't a person yet wouldn't know how to Change right yet, so they just cheated and copied Siffrin. But it's impossible to Change to be exactly like another person, you can only ever be a new version of yourself, so that's why Loop isn't the exact same as Siffrin.

Bonnie: I know you don't want to explain to us why there's two of you, and why you're not a— you're... more different than people can normally be, but if I tell you my thee-ry, will you at least just say if I'm right? Loop: Hm... Probably not. Loop: But you should tell me anyway! [Bonnie explains their theory.] Loop: Aw! That's a very cute story~ [Loop's smile becomes more forced.] Loop: That is all I am, aren't I? A star friend for pooor little Siffrin, so he doesn't have to be all alone? Bonnie: I knew it!!! Bonnie: Do you miss being a normal star, up in the sky? [Loop takes a deep breath.] Loop: I miss a lot of things. But I asked to be here. Bonnie: Oh! Did you ask for a friend, too? It would make sense for the stars to pick you to send, if you were lonely too. Loop: ... I did! You're very good at this. Bonnie: Of course I am!!! Loop: You know, you should tell your story to stardust. I think they'll like it better than I do. [Bonnie runs off to tell Siffrin about it, and then to tell the other adults that Loop said they were totally right.]

Isabeau's theory: Loop is a sadness made out of Siffrin's self-hatred and loneliness.

There's stories about people finding "their" sadness that mirrors them exactly, including both fiction that uses it as a metaphor for inner battles, and folktales that claim to be true. Isabeau used to not believe the folktales at all, because they vary so wildly, and surely one single person's emotions couldn't be strong enough to make a sadness as sapient as some of the stories claim — no sadnesses are that clever, not even the big powerful ones that are made out of so many people's emotions that they aren't even vaguely human-shaped.

But, now, well... If it is possible, it's hard to find any negative emotions stronger than the reasons someone tried to kill themself. And it's undeniable that Loop seems to be closer to a sadness in physiology than they are to any living creature.

Plus, there could very well be some other factor that pushed Loop into full personhood! Some of the stories include the sadness feeding on its originator until the person wastes away and the sadness takes their place, which is far-fetched, but so is this whole situation. Or, animating a statue kind of involves putting a bit of yourself into it — your craft energy, your intentions — so perhaps Siffrin had put a lot of themself into Loop, in a way that isn't possible with something nonliving. It would explain the craft exhaustion, too, if Siffrin had fueled Loop's becoming in some way or another.

Isabeau: Bonnie said you said they were right. That you're a star sent to be Sif's friend. Loop: I'm sure they did. Isabeau: ... But it's not true, right? [Loop looks away.] Loop: ... I didn't actually tell them it was. I didn't lie to them. Just... parts of it. Isabeau: Parts of it were true? Isabeau: Which parts? Loop: ... What do you think? Isabeau: Well, it would depend on exactly how they worded it, wouldn't it? They keep changing their mind on the details. Loop: What do you think, then? Isabeau: About… Loop: Me. Isabeau: Right. [Isabeau makes a face.] Isabeau: I... don't know that it would do any good to tell you. Loop: Wow, that bad, huh? Now I have to hear it. Isabeau: Just, promise you won't take it the wrong way? [Loop squints at him.] Loop: I'll take it whatever way I want. Isabeau: Alright, fair enough. Alright. But, whether or not my theory is true, that doesn't change how I think about you, okay? You're a person, and you're our friend, and I'm glad you're here with us. Loop: Just get on with it, Fighter. Isabeau: Yeah, yeah, alright. Isabeau: It’s... I think you might be a sadness? [Loop gasps dramatically.] Loop: Ooooh, how could you~? Isabeau: There would definitely have to be more to it. You are a person, and you're stable, Sif's moods don't affect you any more than they do the rest of us. But... you're not human. You don't need to sleep, you can't eat, you're just... not made out of living stuff? But you're not artificial either, you're not an inanimate thing that's been crafted to move. You're alive! And there's only one sort of... being... that I know of, that's alive but not living. And, well... Sif...... Loop: ... They were so very, very sad. Isabeau: Yeah. Loop: Well! It does make sense! Loop: Of course you'd go for the depressing, realistic answer! Loop: You're entirely wrong, of course, but... Loop: I... [Loop looks down at their hands.] [They move their hands up, to grip their arms.] Isabeau: Sorry. I knew you wouldn't like it. I swear it really, really doesn't matter, okay? However you... got here... you're here now, and you're you, and we're glad of it. Loop: ... Isabeau: I'll go see if Bonbon needs any help with dinner.

Mirabelle's theory: Siffrin killed himself, and he both got brought back to life and lived on as a ghost.

To be exact, he successfully(-ish?) committed suicide when he said he was going to go take a nap in the meadow. She thinks it's an earlier attempt rather than the one Odile saw because: Siffrin had originally told Isabeau he wanted to talk again with someone he'd spoken to the day before — which could only have happened earlier in the day, because Siffrin was never left alone later — and while that could be a lie it also explains how Siffrin knew that Loop was at the favor tree at all; Odile mentioned how confident and unflinching he was about it, which could be explained by having done it before; and everyone agrees that the recent changes in Siffrin started, though more subtly, after the nap in particular.

Siffrin not dying from his late afternoon attempt isn't necessarily as much of a factor — Vaugardian ghost lore includes stories of people being haunted by earlier versions of themselves that they’d Changed away from, so there’s precedence for living people having ghosts. Of course this means there are other major Changes besides death (or deciding to die) that can create a ghost, but the other ways Siffrin has changed don't seem quite dramatic enough in the right way to have been the catalyst. In fact, it’s strange than Loop seems to be the more Changed of the two! But perhaps pre-Dormont Siffrin actually was more like Loop and just hid it better, or perhaps Siffrin used to be more like Loop at an earlier point in their life, and had somewhat Changed but not enough to be happy with themself. Either way, any of Loop's traits that post-Dormont Siffrin doesn't seem to share much at all would be parts of themself that pre-Dormont Siffrin "killed".

Mirabelle: Loop... You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but... Are you a ghost? Loop: You know, stardust guessed the same thing! And I told them... Well, I don't remember anymore. Something about the Favor Tree being my grave? Loop: Anyway, you could sort of say that! Except, how could I be his ghost when he didn't actually die? You made sure of that. Mirabelle: Well... I thought maybe... Mirabelle: Maybe Siffrin did kill themself? Before that? And you're the parts of Siffrin that they killed, but you stayed because... because you still had things to get done, or Siffrin still needed you, or… or something like that...? Loop: HA! Loop: Yeah, something like that!!! [Loop laughs hysterically for a bit, then suddenly stops.] Loop: ... Go away, Housemaiden. [Mirabelle leaves to fetch Siffrin.] [While she's gone, Loop leaves the camp.] [Siffrin finds them and brings them back several hours later.]

Odile's theory: Siffrin wished for a companion.

The final loop through the house didn't include either of the forgotten language books on wish craft, but it did include discussion of the impossibility of time craft, and the diary where a lonely person wished for a copy of themself. Odile initially dismissed the diary as creative fiction, but it was still fresh on her mind when she met Loop later that day!

During the next couple days in Dormont, she asked Euphrasie about how she crafted Mirabelle's blessing, because she loves cutting-edge craft. The conversation turned to the King's impossible time craft, and Euphrasie said she thinks he probably used wish craft. She explained that she doesn't know much because it's hard to find anything more than brief mentions of it, but she's confident it's real. She's pretty sure you need to do very particular things in order to use it, though — not any old wish will do — and she doesn't know what those things are. But it's probably the only way the King could have gotten the power to stop time, and there's a chance that the people of Vaugarde’s wishes for salvation contributed to his defeat (but she's not sure because who knows if anyone actually wished the right away).

Now, knowing that wish craft could be real… it’s strange to think that Siffrin might know about something basically unheard of. But they did know about the orrery in the house, and caring about stars is basically unheard of, too! And… Loop says they’re a star… and the King has stars on his armor….. And it’s risky to use one guess as evidence for another, but that could be three instances where the shape or knowledge of stars appeared alongside the use or knowledge of wish craft. And Siffrin spoke to Loop at the Favor Tree, and supposedly that’s where they spoke the day before too, and a Favor Tree is a place where you ask for something you want.

Siffrin’s craft exhaustion could be a point for or against; on one hand, making a copy of yourself must be powerful craft, but on the other hand, wish craft was what allowed the King to perform craft so strenuous that it should’ve instantly killed him. Plus, Siffrin’s exhaustion didn’t hit till at least a full day after they went to the Favor Tree alone the first time. So Odile doesn’t know enough to call that factor either way.

And why would Siffrin try to kill themself shortly after their wish came true? Was it just not everything they hoped it would be? Siffrin and Loop fight a lot, but they obviously care for each other a lot, too… But maybe even getting something they really wanted could make a depressed person feel worse, if it doesn't help as much as they hoped it would, and they decide that means they’re hopeless.

Odile decided on this theory by day three. There are other mysteries that aren’t as neatly explained by it, like the ease with which Siffrin navigated the house, but perhaps they’d made a second wish? Or perhaps that was the influence of the Vaugardian wishes that Euphrasie talked about? And over the following weeks, Siffrin’s behavior has only gotten stranger, in worrying, unexplainable ways. Odile is finding many different pieces to an unknown number of puzzles… but she’s fairly certain she’s got a good start on the Loop corner.

Loop: Well, Researcher? Everyone else has told me their theories on what and how and why I am. What's yours? Odile: I was wondering when you’d ask. My best theory is that Siffrin made a wish — for a friend who wouldn’t leave him, or someone who understood what he felt, or something along those lines — and your existence was the answer. Loop: … Loop: Same story as the Kid, huh? Odile: You did say that they got parts of it right. Loop: It just seems a bit unrealistic for you, Researcher~ Stardust wished for a friend and one just fell out of the sky? Odile: Your entire existence is unrealistic, Loop. But if a craft has the power to freeze an entire country in time, surely it also has the power to create life. Or split it, perhaps. Loop: … But the king used time craft. What does that have to do with wish craft? Odile: The Head Housemaiden of Dormont believes wish craft is what gave him the power to stop time. Loop. W- How does she know about wish craft?? Odile: How do you, Loop? Loop: The— It’s— [Odile waits patiently.] Loop: The book! The, the diary, in that room, with the— the thing for the stars. It talked about wish craft. Odile: Ah, of course. The diary of a person who felt lonely and misunderstood, so they used wish craft to make a copy of themself. The diary you’ve never seen, because you… branched off, let’s say, the day before we fought through the House. Loop: Stardust told me about it! Odile: Of course. You know, they remember a surprising amount about the House? It's been several weeks, and you'd think between the traumatic injury the day before and the fevers afterwards, even the average person would consider it all a bit of a blur. But they still remember details that the others have forgotten, about conversations it seemed they were barely paying attention to. Even one or two things that I don't remember at all. [Loop breathes shallowly.] Loop: W— What are you implying? Odile: Nothing in particular. However shaky the wish craft theory seems, I'm even less sure about everything else. Loop: Well, you should be! Because there is nothing else! [Odile sighs.] Odile: I'm sorry, I know you don't want us knowing about these things. You and Siffrin both. But he's... not doing well. [Loop looks away.] Odile: And frankly, I don't think you are, either. But we can't help if we don't know what the problem is! It's your choice not to tell us, but I'm not going to stop trying to figure it out. Loop: It doesn't matter! The other things. He has you now, all four of you. You're helping. They'll be okay. Odile: What about you, Loop? Loop: ... I'm helping too. I'm trying. I'm here to help them. Odile: Loop... [Odile is about to say something, but stops. She takes a deep breath before continuing.] Odile: It would help a great deal if you and he could be more open with us. Loop: ... Odile: Can I take this as confirmation of my theory, at least? Loop: ... Not quite. Odile: But I'm close. [Loop doesn't claim otherwise.]

[littlefankingdom]

I love that Damian is named Damian. Let me explain why.

The name Damian comes from the Greek, δαμάζω (damazo), which means "to tame, to conquer, to vanquish, to master, to overcome, to dominate", but can also mean "the untamable". Already, this is great. Damian is the heir of the League of Assassins and the Bat, he is meant to conquer all, to master everything, to dominate above all. He is meant to be untamable.

But also, the word "damazo" comes from Damia, one of the names of the goddess Cybele, a goddess that is associated with wild nature or viewed as Mother Nature. And the Al Ghul are all about nature.

Finally, "Damian", and its other forms, is a name that has become associated with the word "demon". I think this is probably why he was named this, because he is the grandson of the Demon's Head, and Damian = demon. Well, about the word "demon": it comes from the Greek δαίμων, daímôn, which is a term associated with some divinities. These divinities aren't evils, they are mostly (from the ones I have encountered being called demons) associated with the afterlife or darkness, but they aren't evil. The Furies, goddesses of vengeance and justice that go after guilty folks to punish them before their death, are called "demons" sometimes. Thanatos, god of death, is called "demon" sometimes. The negative connotation comes from the Abrahamic faiths who villainized aspects of the polytheist beliefs, so their believers would drop them (in polytheist practices, every god exists, others just use a different name or view them a different way, which is fine because they are gods, and you cannot as a mortal define. Which means that polytheist cultures don't villainize other gods they don't know or don't pray to, you can join in the celebrations without renouncing to the gods you honor. Monotheism cannot have you do that.) Hell is the example of that. Hell was simply the realm of the dead, but the Abrahamic faiths (Christianity is the guilty one here) painted it as the "bad realm of the dead" (the division of the afterlife was done centuries after Christianity was created and so the Church could hold more controls over its believers). Another one is Lilith, who was a Mesopotamian goddess also referred to as a demon, so what did the Abrahamic faiths did? They made her a creature of evil. All of this talk because Ra's Al Ghul, when he named himself that, did so to criticize religions. It was all about how demons, evil spirits and creatures are something created by religious authorities so they can target and harm people they don't like, and could harm their power. So, to finish, it makes little to no sense in my opinion for Damian to be displeased with being named or associated with demons. Because the ideology that demons are evil is associated with Abrahamic faiths, and that's not what the Al Ghul believe, they cannot have taught him that. What I'm saying is that when you write any of the Al Ghul associating demons with evil, you are looking at their family from the pov of a culture who depends heavily on an Abrahamic faith, and not from their own culture and ideologies, which are that all this religion stuff is bs. They take pride in being associated with demons, not because demons are evil entities harming humankind, but because demons are something that the authority in place hates.

Anyway, Talia cooked when she named her son Damian.

[absolxguardian]

@egregiousderp #especially since you can find writings of early modern and medival european men writing about the pros of being friends with your wife#they have no concept of romance just friendship and carnal desire#if you actually like your wife shes your best friend#so its culture!#<-absolxguardian’s prev tags#I CAN COMMENT ON THIS ACTUALLY!#because marriage wasn’t so much about sexual desire as it was about the duty of procreation and lineage for a lot of nobler houses?#it’s more tied in with the idea of status or duty!#you see that especially well in some of the chivalry movements#wanting to have sex with someone was almost completely divorced from the idea of proper marriage#seducing a guy you like so he has to ‘do the right thing’ and make your child legitimate was a thing#we have a very different view of sex and marriage post-birth control pill is my theory at least#it’s still super odd as an ace person seeing these people who don’t even LIKE their spouses as people but are so horny for them they marry

You're exactly right. My tags were just about one aspect of this different system, not differentiating between friendship and feelings of emotional affection towards your spouse/sex partner (romance). This isn't even getting into marriage, which was a thing that could be separate from both sexual attraction and friendship/romance. The idea that the birth control pill caused a major sea change is commonly accepted historiography (as well as easier to use condoms and for a period of time before HIV emerged cures for all STDs). A lot of our contemporary sex negative ideas are out-dated good advice when sex could be very dangerous (of course these ideas have forgotten their purpose. They become self justifying with their own value judgements, instead of practical advice about pregnancy being dangerous and new people causing complications).

Another thing that has occured to me since writing those tags is the idea that some contemporary historians have, deeming very close friendships between 17th and 18th century as "romantic friendships" (and thus sexless). This is done in a very no-homoing way, but considering this a way to make their relationship not queer is asexual erasure. But on the other hand, these relationships weren't considered deviant or even all that close to sodomy in their own time periods. But if their culture can be seen as not differentiating between romance and friendship, then what?

I'd put my guess for the emergence of romance as a concept in Europe as with the movement- romanticism- it takes its name from. But I don't feel like I know enough to confidently present this as a thesis, and I haven't been able to find an actual acadmic paper saying the same thing. Potentially you could say that courtly love is the first instance of romance in Europe, but you could also classify it as being about sexual tension and unconsummated sexual relationships. They did consider what they did dancing around the line, in a time when you weren't required to like your spouse. (And this is just Europe, but I know very little about this kind of intellectual history elsewhere, since I can only read stuff that has been translated into English).

I'm currently in a philosphy of sex and love class, and after four weeks I have no more insight into what romantic love is. But most of the texts we've read have been about figuring out a definition for love in general. The only guy who put forth an idea about romance specifically, has a definition that is incompatible with polyamory. But I am writing this right before doing the readings for our upcoming week that is focused on polyamory, so maybe I'll have more to say in two hours.

[guy who is aromantic voice] sexual attraction just makes more sense than romantic attraction. like ok, you want to fuck someone. this is quantifiable. it is quite easy to grasp what "i want to fuck someone" looks like, even if you have no idea what it feels like. romantic attraction, though? this is a nebulous construct which seems to largely be "glorified friendship with sex" in the popular imagination. what even is the difference between friendship and romance? the line between friendship and sexual attraction, though both can coexist, is that when there's sexual attraction present, you want to fuck someone. the line between friendship and romantic attraction, so far as i can perceive it within a heteronormative, amatonormative framework, is that it is... friendship where you want to fuck someone. what?

[laurents-laces]

Only 20 days left until TGR! Here's all my rambling that I couldn't fit on a bingo:

Jean just found out about Elodie's death, Jeremy lost his relationship with his sister, and Lucas is about to lose his brother. I think sibling relationships are gonna be really important in this book. I also hope we get to meet Cat's sister Vivi when she drops off the motorcycle for Jean

So excited for exy with the Trojans! I hope they actually take some of Jean's advice because he's really good at seeing people's strengths and weaknesses. And I hope they interact with other teams more than the Foxes do. It would help Jean see that the Trojans are actually pretty normal and the Ravens are the weird ones. He still thinks it's the other way around

Jean thinks of Kevin as Riko's Queen or the Court's Queen a few times in TSC. Does he see that title as a symbol of independence like Kevin does, or does he see it as Kevin still having a place in Riko's perfect court?

I'm obsessed with the way Jeremy narrates events without telling us a single one of his emotions. Does he miss having his little sister in the audience when he plays a big game? Did he have feelings for any of those boys who were "exactly the kind of guy [he] was prone to trip himself up over"? Why hasn't he dated anyone before? He loves USC because it feels private and safe, so does he not feel that way at home?

I need to know what Jeremy's family did to him. He calls his mother the devil and dislikes his last name and gets angry just at the mention of his step grandfather. It's such an extreme reaction from a guy who barely says anything negative about anyone

I feel like Jeremy's family issues are gonna be too weird for anyone to predict. But I think his part of the story is going to be less about redeeming himself from past mistakes and more about letting his friends support him instead of acting like he's fine all the time

I think Jean might really struggle with holding back when they play against more violent teams. Would suck if it costs him a spot on the starting lineup, but maybe it would be good for him to see that there aren't any consequences for failing to be the best

I think Neil and Andrew might be too busy with Aaron's trial to go with Kevin to California but Jean thinks of them too often for them to not be relevant at some point, whether now or in book 3

I think Jean saying he learned the hard way not to look at another man too long has something to do with Kevin and the incident his freshman year. It's really weird that Riko only told Kevin half of the truth of what happened

"You cannot save me from what came before, and you help neither of us by trying to dig up those graves. Leave Evermore to me and Dobson... Help me survive what comes next.” I hope his friends listen to him about this. And I hope he starts actually talking to Betsy. He seems like he wants to, he's just worried it won't actually help

The way Jean describes the people he loves is so intense. We got some really lovely thoughts about Kevin and Renee from him in TSC, and I can't wait to see how he'll be when he gets to know Jeremy better. I don't think they'll be able to beat "you are a pipe dream" but I'd be thrilled to be proven wrong

[seamany]

The Post that Solved it All for me, PART TWO

NOT MY POST, MOBILEBLACKSMITH2535 ON REDDIT*

What do I mean by this? Try this exercise with me. Think of your desired reality right now (bonus points for a first person perspective). You can even close your eyes and take a few seconds to think of it. You got it in your head? Now that you are in your desired reality think about the thoughts that you usually worry about when it comes to shifting (stuff like "it's not real" or "I can't do it" or "it's taking so long" etc). Thinking as your desired reality self now you are going to realize those thoughts are pointless because you shifted and you are in your desired reality. There you go, congratulations, you are in your dr. Every time you experience a feeling of helplessness or other negative feeling you are going to remind yourself that you have shifted already and creation is finished. Emotions do not matter and can never control you because they are physical sensations, a part of the 3d. The 3d that you don't care about anymore. You aren't going to ignore the 3d you just don't care about it anymore because you are in your desired reality. Why should you care? You already have your desire. You've shifted already and everytime you go to sleep you wake up in your dr, so why worry about whether this shifting attempt is going to be successful? Why even worry about the worry? Worrying is useless. You are not doing anything anymore except living peacefully knowing you are in your dr. You don't have to will away the emotions or thoughts. You don't have to do anything any more. It doesn't matter if you forget all of what I said in this post, and now you have gone back to panicking about nothing, because you are in your desired reality. You can breathe knowing that that doesn't matter anymore. No more worrying. No more heartache. No more anxiety. No more frustration. No more doubts. You won. You know what I'm saying. Say these things to yourself as much as you feel you need to, but fair warning learn from my mistake and don't look for proof of your manifestation in the 3d. Because you are in your desired reality, so why in the world would you see anything else? Whether or not you are using the law of assumption to get something you desire or not it is always taking affect and you can never stop manifesting. Unless that's your manifestation. But it's still a paradox because your manifesting no manifestation. Anyways that's it. This is what separated me from being desperate, obsessive, and discouraged to being a master shifter. Just remember that the law literally cannot fail you. If you are experiencing something it's BECAUSE you are accepting something NOT because the law does not work. It's as simple as that. Please ask questions, I want to help as much as I can. I know this is a long reply, but you can't give up when you've only just gotten started. If I can do it than you sure as hell can do it. And I know that doesn't mean anything to you most likely. But just trust me. :)

[ceorl]

First of all let me just preface this by saying i still stand with what i said above. as a character i don't think Roland is a good person with good motivations. that being said!

I was very heated when i originally made this post and i feel like my intent did not at all come across. I'm not saying for everyone to pull out their pitchforks and light a fire to toss Roland on. and i'm especially not saying that Nora is a bad person for writing him as he is or his relationship with Andrew.

I'm saying that Rolands character is nuanced and needs to be treated as such. there's a lot to be said about Andrew's relationship with Roland and whether or not is had a positive or negative impact on him, or if it any impact at all. Personally, I don't think Andrew "takes shit care of himself" Minyard thought too hard on the matter.

I made this post specifically because i felt that as a fandom Roland gets egregiously mischaracterized and i think that is a disservice to both the character and Nora herself. Nora does an incredible job writing realistic and incredibly nuanced characters. Even the characters who are categorized as "good" do bad things and make mistakes throughout the series.

In conclusion: Roland is a complex character with complex motivations that we as readers can only infer at from what we get from the books and what i said in the original post is where i stand when it comes to his character. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Things to remember about Roland:

- Andrew was 17 and Roland was 23 when they started hooking up

- couldn't keep to Andrews boundaries and needed to be cuffed

- willingly drugged customers

- when he saw Neil's fucked up scarred and bruised wrists he assumes Andrew did it

- until Neil made the deal about cracker dust Andrew was never sober when he was hooking up with Roland

He is not the cute and friendly bartender buddy you want him to be! I'm tired of seeing him portrayed as this fucking saint who has Andrews best interest at heart.

Roland is a predator who just happens to have a friendly persona

[dollyxd]

Shivers in the precense of your aura...gojo x reader angst/comfort wher user is sprialling perchance.....or where reader has a nightmare....just any gojo x reader fic where reader gets comfort....i need it....

·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　I'm here for you　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙

Satoru Gojo x GN!Reader

Summary: You have a terrible nightmare, oh no! The nightmare felt so real you went to go seek Satoru Gojo's comfort.

Warnings: Angst to fluff, comfort at the end, very angsty, negative thoughts, overwhelmed reader, gender neutral reader, a bit ooc(?), established relationship, mentions of blood and death.

Authors Note: Haha, no need to shiver of my presence, I'm not scary! I'm glad to take this request, I decided ill merge the ideas together! Nightmare to spiraling to comfort! Ah, I apologize if I got the definition of spiraling wrong by the way. I kind of wrote this on what happens with me when I wake up from nightmares... Anyways enjoy! (My back hurts Sos)

It wasn't rare for you to stay at your boyfriend's house, hell it was almost every day you would stay over. You guys would have sleepovers often but today was just awful for you... some of your coworkers kept snickering at you, telling you to do so much stuff. You weren't even supposed to be doing those stuff for crying out loud! And then you spilled your drink on your favorite white shirt, then you hurt your ankle... today was just terrible for you.

So, once you got (To Gojo's) home, you were drained, mentally, emotionally, and all of the above. All you wanted to do was just lay down and sleep for eternity. You set your bag down, and take off your shoes, and just plopped down on the couch with an "oof."

You felt your eyes grow heavy, but before you could fall asleep you heard the door open and your boyfriends voice echo through the house. "I'm home!" Satoru sang song. You let out an exhausted sigh before saying "Hi, baby." You sat up on the couch to look at him.

He looked over at you, he almost immediately knew something was up, it's almost kind of scary on how much he knows when something is up. "Hey, what's wrong, sweets?" Satoru asked, walking towards you.

If you're being honest with yourself, you didn't want to talk about it to him. You didn't want him to worry so much about you, and you would most definitely start breaking down when you start explaining. You swallowed to hold back the lump in your throat and just give Gojo a smile.

"I'm fine! Just a little tired, didn't get much sleep last night." You rub the back of your neck giving a sheepish smile to him. But Satoru knew better than that, he knows you. Though he lets you off the hook for now and just sighs and rubs your head.

"If you say so, you know I'm here for you right?" He said with a twinge of concern in his voice. You lean into Gojo's touch, you felt a slight relief knowing the comfort of Gojo still being there. You look back at him before nodding, "Yes, dear, I know." You confirm to him. Giving him a comforting smile.

He smiles back at you and kisses your temple. The feeling of it lingered for a bit. After a few minutes you decided to tell Gojo that you're going to go to bed a bit early. You went to go do your nightly routine and change into your pajamas, and FINALLY lay down and sleep. You felt sleep overtake you, and soon enough you were out like a light.

You were in the snow... wait, why are you in the snow!? You looked down at yourself only to see you had clothing that were not fit for winter! You grab your arms with your ice-cold hands and finally found the strength to stand up.

You looked around wondering how you got here and most importantly HOW you got here! You start walking through the cold air, if you had to guess the temperature it was most likely in the negatives.

The more you kept walking the weaker you got; it got to the point where you couldn't walk anymore, and you fell to your knees. You were cold, shivering, tired. You wouldn't be surprised if you were somehow bleeding out. You just wanted for death to take you at this point. there was no hope for you. But before you could even die peacefully you felt something sharp in your rib cage.

GASP. You grab your chest, as you breath heavily. You felt tears prickle at the corner of your eyes. You look around your room to see that you were just in your room the whole time. You felt a twinge of relief knowing you're still home. You grabbed your phone to check the time 3:04am.

You let out a sigh, your heart still beating heavy. As much as you didn't want to make Gojo worried, you needed the comfort from him. After staring off in space for a few, you get up from your bed, with heavy and tired feet and start heading towards Gojo's room.

Once you knock on the door you started to rethink; was what you're doing being to childish and petty? Would Satoru get annoyed at you for waking him up hours? Before you could walk away the door opens, and you see a sleepy gojo.

"Eh? What's wrong, babe?" Gojo, yawned and rubbed his eye. You looked down at the ground clenching your fist before folding your arms. Those tears that were once threatening finally were released.

Gojo was taken aback and started to worry "Woah, woah, what's wrong?" Gojo asked, grabbing your hand in a gentle manner. You sniffle a bit trying to find your voice, "I-... Ugh! Today was just awful! And now I had a nightmare, and-" Gojo cut you off pulling you in a tight embrace, petting your head to soothe you.

"It's alright, take a moment to breath." Gojo then slowly led you to the bed and sat down beside you. He was always patient with you, he may be annoying, but, oh, how he was so gentle and kind to you. You wouldn't really know how you got so lucky, but you were so happy lucky was on your side to get someone like him.

You take a deep breath in, tears finally stopped streaming down your face. Gojo took notice in your calmer state and said, "Do, you want to talk about it?" He slowly asked. You hum softly, thinking about what Gojo asked. You took a deep breath, "Can-... Can I talk about it later?" Gojo smiles softly at you

"Of course, whatever makes you feel better." Gojo confirms to you. Before you could even say another word, it was as if he read your mind and opened his arms just enough for you to snuggle up to.

You hide your face in his chest and feel your body finally relax after what felt like forever. Gojo snakes his arms around your waist and drags you down on the bed to lay down with him. He let put a content sigh.

You felt your eyes grow heavy again, though this time, you felt safe, as if everything evil was gone and non-existent. Before you let sleep take you, you mumbled out a soft and quiet, "I love you, Toru." That was the last thing you said before letting sleep take you to dreamland.

Gojo smiles sweetly and chuckles to himself. He moved hair away from your face, kissing your forehead softly and staying, "I'm always here for you, I love you too, baby."

[achaotichuman]

ACOTAR Discussion

Okay, so recently my mutual @sonics-atelier posted this fic Perfect To Me (which is so fucking amazing, I cried, go read it rn) and in this fic, they write about Tamlin developing an eating disorder (specifically anorexia) since his body changed after starting to get Spring back on its feet. And it started me down a whole rant about fictional characters being the pinnacle of beauty standards, specifically in relation to what they're bodies look like. So, to save my mutuals the long spam texts about my thoughts, I'm gonna post em here.

General trigger warning- Discussion of a variety of eating disorders, body dysmorphia and Cassian.

SJM covers disordered eating within ACOTAR, it happens specifically to the female characters. And this is something, I have a huge problem with. That might seem like a massive asshole sentence, but let me explain my thought process.

These eating disorders are not well respresented, they do not further affect the plot, they only serve to be an outward appearance to the male saviour characters that something is wrong, and they never appear on the female characters in a way that makes them any less pretty, in fact, I would say, the resulting skinniness from said disordered eating, is the desired result. By that I mean, yes I think SJM writes her female characters starving themselves to make them fit the female beauty standard.

This is very evident with Nesta, who somehow miraculously only grows thinner in the waist and hips when she is starving herself. But still has massive breasts which Cassian makes a point of oogling, despite noticing how thin she is everywhere else. Instead of taking Nesta's not wanting to eat anything and turning it into a plot point for her character in which she learns to take care of and eventually love her new Fae body, SJM decides to further starve Nesta, but Cassian limiting her sugar intake, so she reminds the same 000 size in the waist.

Now, onto what really, truly makes me angry within SJM's series. Character's gaining weight, rather than losing it.

This happens once in the series. It is one singular comment, that put me off Cassian forever.

"You need to get out in the practice ring, brother. Don't want your mate to find any soft bits."

This comment was from Cassian to Rhysand in the third chapter of ACOSF, after looking Rhys up and down pretty much.

May seem like a harmless jab to a lot of people, but take into account all of the context around it.

Cassian had just been eyeing Nesta's body-clearly suffering from the effects of long-term starvation, like a hunk of meat.

They had just won a war not long ago-still coming down from the stress highs that would have no doubt been enough to put any normal person in bed for a month.

Rhysand had only recently found out about Feyre's pregnancy, if I remember correctly-would have also found out about the risks, and would be dealing the extreme stress that would be causing.

It would be incredibly normal for Rhysand to gain weight because of all these factors. Not to mention this being the first (and I'm fairly certain) only time, SJM's mentions a male character gaining weight, and it being in such a negative light, could only suggest she, and thus Cassian, find the idea unappealing or perhaps downright abhorrent.

Which really fucking pisses me off.

Most of her female characters have experienced a form of anorexia throughout the books as a trauma or stress response. And it never exists to go further than making them more conventionally attractive.

Now further on her male characters, not a single one of them ever has an ounce of fat on their body. Weight gain is entirely out of the question, even when it should be the obvious occurrence due to whatever change in their situation.

Now this also brings me to another problem I have, which also leeches into fandom behaviour.

We all love Tamlin's tits, ofc, ofc, but muscle behaves like fat if its not being actively flexed. Tamlin's pectoral muscles are no doubt incredibly strong, and would, probably be able to crack a nut (no pun intended) if flexed. But if they werent, they would be soft and squishy. No one talks about THAT THOUGH DO YOU???

Not to mention, that, Tamlin is a beast creature, wandering the forests, not training or exercising properly, and is only gouging on the carcasses of animals he kills. This could be an excellent time to lean into weight gain, and the intense feelings of guilt, and body dysmorphia that it brings.

Lets also discuss Gwyn, a traumatised young woman who fled to the Library in order to live a life of peace. She has never trained a day in her life before becoming a Valkyrie, why is she so skinny?

It's never mentioned Gwyn having any kind of reaction to her trauma that affects her eating (as far as I remember) and I think it would be far more interesting to delve into the effects grief and the lose of a dear loved one has on the body and ones eating habits.

Lets talk about Elain, who is said to use baking a coping mechanism, why is she skinny? This is the perfect opportunity to delve into a character binge eating, then extreme guilt from the times where they were in poverty, and purging. But finding comfort in food because food = wealth, wealth =safety.

And in the end, a character can be fat and be happy. Why do we have so many characters that are so thin at the end of their books?

So many of these characters also have near no stability, their diet would not doubt be changing constantly from the inconsistency in their living situations. Which should to lead to drastic changes in their body. This could be a very interesting way to explore body dysphoria. Hating seeing yourself in the mirror even if you just survived battle, because you can hardly recognise yourself. Changing so much in the mind and not even having the comfort of your body being the same. Especially with Nesta and Elain being Made against their will. I honestly believe Nesta's starvation should have been her hating her new Fae body so much that she just wants to destroy it. Her healing, should have been learning to love herself, no matter what body she is in.

In the end, your body is you, but you are more than your body. Bodies are such incredibly fascinating tool, and people don't always have to like what it looks like to care for it. Bodies can be smaller, bigger, stronger, they take your brain wherever it wants to go. But they are not all of you. And that should have been what especially Nesta's journey could have been.

Anyway, this is incredibly sensitive topic for a lot of people, so I do really want to open this up to everyone. What are your thoughts on this topic? Do you think SJM's portrayal of eating disorders is justified, or do you think I'm wrong on any of these points? Let me know in either the comments or the reblogs, I would be happy to discuss it.

[cillianmurphysdimples]

A female Y/N / Cillian fanfic (Part Twenty Six)

Absolutely not based on anything real at all, all totally fictional, fanciful and all total bollocks.

Warnings for sexual references and language. Adult themes. Not suitable for under 18s.

We Got Issues

Part Twenty Six: Y/N and Cillian share a tense wait for the answer to their burning question. What lies ahead? [Adult conversation]

@strangeions @watermeezer @lavender-haze-01 @meadowshelby @cherry-cilly @dragonsneversharetheirtreasure @aesthetic0cherryblossom @meister95 @vivianleighwishesshewasme

-------

“Cillian, I swear to God if you do not move from outside the door, I'm going to twist your bollocks when I come out.” You yell out, sitting awkwardly on the toilet with your hand between your knees, severely annoyed by him constantly knocking against the tiny bathroom’s door of your modest hotel room. “Cillian!” You roar, when he thumps against the door again. You're not even sure what he's doing to be slamming against it so frequently, but you are sure that you're going to kick him in the testicles. You whip the test back with a cringe and push the cap over the end. You set it on the side of the bath whilst you sort yourself, and flush the toilet and drop down the lid before you give Cillian his cue to enter. Whilst you wash your hands, you call out to him. “Cill… open the door then.” it's nearly laughable when he takes his time opening the door - why all the fuss when you were trying to have a wee?!

“Well?” He asks, standing half in the door he's just pushed open, and he looks at you with a concerned frown and timid eyes.

“Nothing yet, love. Gotta wait.” You laugh nervously.

“Fuck. Yeah. Long?” He mumbles.

“Two minutes unless it shows quicker,” you say, drying your hands on the towel beside the sink. But you're going to wait, to give yourselves time. You nod your head towards the edge of the bath. “What do you think?” You ask him. He offers you a look of confusion for your question. “What do you think it'll be? Positive or negative?”

His brows rise, and he opens and closes his mouth nervously. “I-I d…” he stammers. He shrugs his shoulders and steps further into the bathroom. His hands are pushed into the pockets of the pyjama bottoms he'd thrown on after his shower, and his silvery hair - freshly cut again that morning - is sticking up in random spikes. His cheeks are pink, and he keeps pursing and turning his lips, and you know that his tongue is going wild with anxiety against his teeth. “C'mere,” he jerks his head, and draws his hands from his pockets. You fold yourself against him instantly. His heart is beating wildly, and he wraps his arms around you as you burrow into his pyjama top and breathe him in.

“I'm scared,” you say, then scoff at yourself. You know what it is going to say. What else could it say?

“Me too,” he sighs, his chin resting on the top of your head. “It'll be fine…” he whispers. “Whatever it says, it'll be fine.”

“You won't be mad with me?” You ask, nervously.

“Mad with ya? Why would I be?” He asks, and you can hear the edge of confusion in his tone at your question.

“Because you'd…we'd decided not to.” You say quietly.

He takes a deep breath and he turns his head, moving so it's his cheek that rests on the top of your head. “Whatever fucking happens, I love you. I can't keep saying it, you've got to accept it at some point.” You consider his words and wonder why it feels like an avoidant answer.

“Shall I look?” You ask, tapping your hand against his chest. He inhales sharply and releases you, and his nervousness is clear. He nods his head, and thrusts his hands back into his pockets. You turn to the bath and, counting silently to three, you reach for the balanced test. You grasp it blindly, covering the result, and hold it for a moment. “Ready?” You're shaking as you look at him, and he looks back with a deer-in-headlights expression and slowly nods his head. You breathe deeply again and draw your hand away from the indication box. You swallow hard, and look up at him. Your eyes fill with hot tears and you hold it out to him. “I'm pregnant.”

His hand is shaking as he takes the capped end of the pregnancy test, and he breathes quickly as his eyes scan over it. Sure enough, there in the bracket, is the word pregnant in clear digital lettering. “Fuck…” he whispers, breathing out steadily. “Fucking hell.” He looks up at you, and even through your tears you can see his eyes are watering. “We're going to have a baby?”

You sniff and swipe the back of your hand under your nose as it runs. “We're going to have a baby.” You repeat, your chest heaving a little as a sob escapes. You're overwhelmed and can't name what it is you feel - sad, happy, afraid, worried… You know, though, that somewhere in there is the fear of what is going to be Cillian's later reaction, his later behaviours, when he has processed it all properly. “Are you okay?” You ask him, and he takes a deep breath as he looks at you.

He nods his head slowly, “We are gonna have a baby.” He says again, and he moves closer to you. Still holding the pregnancy test in his hand, he wraps his arms around you and pulls you against his body tightly. You wrap your arms around his back, holding tight, and rest your head against his shoulder. “Jesus fucking Christ.”

“It's okay, isn't it?” You whisper, your chin quivering again. You're so afraid of what he's thinking, what he's feeling, it hurts too much to not hear clarifying words from him. “Cill?”

“We'll figure everything out.” He says slowly.

“So it isn't okay?” You ask, pushing yourself back gently. He tries to hold you for a moment, then drops his arms down.

He shrugs, “No, it's just a lot to think about. Isn't it?” He frowns. “I've told you, Y/N, it's never been about not wanting a baby, it's just about what it means - what changes, and how it changes. I'm not…I'm not unhappy, I promise you,” he insists. “But it's a lot to think about. We were idiots. I was a fucking idiot. It wasn't supposed to happen…”

Your heart beats heavily in your chest. “But it's okay?” You ask insistently. “It's a yes or no question, Cillian.” You swallow hard and your throat feels blocked. “Because if it's not okay…I…I don't know…” you sniffle as tears threaten again. “I can't do it again, I can't. Not feeling like this…feeling these things because of it…it isn't the same. And it was hard… Cillian, I can't do that again…”

He shushes you quickly and reaches his arms out, one hand still grasping the test, and rests his palms on your shoulders, “Stop, stop. We are not doing that, alright? Never again. You're never going through that again. I just have to get my head around it, y'know? A fucking baby, yeah? A wee thing we made, that's gonna change fucking everything. It isn't bad, I promise you, but I just need to…I have to process it. It's happening no matter what, eh? Isn't it? There's going to be a baby here no matter what we think, I just need to let it get into me head.” He edges forward more and presses his lips firmly against your forehead. “But Jesus fucking Christ,” he laughs, stepping back and removing his hands from your shoulders. He looks at the test again, shaking his head. “Are y'alright?” He looks up at you.

“I don't know,” you shrug and laugh nervously. “A baby, Cillian…” you smile, and your eyes well with tears again. “It's mental.” You rest both of your hands against your belly. “There's a fucking baby in there.” You look down, then look back up at him. “A fucking baby!” You know he's done this before - twice! - but it's all brand new for you. It's amazing and terrifying, it's awesome and upsetting, and you have no idea what you think or feel, or what he really thinks or feels, and you don't know what you're supposed to do now. “A fucking baby.” You whisper, shaking your head.

“I know,” his left cheek dimples as he smiles gently.

“I know things are going to change, Cill. And I know you didn't want them to. But this is - I just think it'll be amazing.” You say, and only as the words leave your lips do you realise that you actually do think that. A baby - half you and half him, just for you, between you, a visual representation of the life you've loved living with him all this time. A piece of him that links him to you forever. Jesus, it's a frightening and intoxicating thought. But it is amazing.

He turns a moment, and sets the test down onto the sink, then turns back to you again. He gives you a strange look, a sort of cheeky smile mixed with a touch of embarrassment, as he crouches down onto his toes. He raises his left hand and pretends to knock against your stomach. “C'mere to me, you.” He says, putting on a silly voice, and thickening his accent. “You'll not be having a funny accent now, you hear me? We'll be bringing you up at home. No transatlantic baby. And sure, you'll play hurling or camogie, depending what flavour you are.” He laughs at himself.

“Flavour?” You laugh and place your hands on his head, then move them again as he stands up.

He wraps his arms around you carefully. “Ah jays, Y/N, I'm freaking out - but it'll be grand. Whatever happens.”

[pucksalotguys]

Unsteady

Featuring: Sidney Crosby

Enjoy chapter 1 of my new short fic, I won’t say much so you can all go on with a blind eye and get the full effect. Enjoy and let me know if you liked it 💙

It was the 3rd time that night that Sidney woke up in a cold sweat. He rubbed his face and looked over at the small clock that was on his bedside table, the one Emerson had gotten for him on their first anniversary, it was 3 am. The witching hour as he used to tease her about any time she woke up and bothered him to tell him about whatever dream it was she had. Back when life had meaning

He shook off the bad thoughts and went inside the bathroom as he settled for a steaming shower, the kind that was burning his skin. Somehow he should’ve known today would be hard yet he tried his best to push back all those negative thoughts and now here he was back at square one, mourning his dead wife

Time was fucked. Life was fucked. He looked at his reflection in his mirror and ran his fingers through his stubble. His eye bags were practically purple from all the sleep he had missed the last month. He looked like absolute shit and there was no point in hiding it. After getting him together the best he could he grabbed his bag and headed out the door.

It had only been a few months back at the apartment and slowly he was getting used to it, there was no way he’d be able to go back to his actual house. Not without Emerson. That house stayed empty, it was no longer a home after losing Emerson. He paid for it to get cleaned and kept everything in shape but actually living there again seemed far fetched. The apartment he was staying in now was all he needed, it was in a nice area and quiet and that was all he wanted

When he reached the hallway, he bumped into a woman in her late 20’s struggling to carry a large, awkwardly shaped box and watched as everything spilled “Oh god are you alright ? I’m so sorry” she apologized immediately 

He shot her a quick look. "I'm fine," he said curtly, clearly not in the mood for pleasantries “Be careful next time” “Sorry” she whispered “Uh see you around” “Let’s hope not” Sidney said back as he walked away from her

For the rest of the week, their paths crossed several times. Sidney would take the stairs, trying to avoid any interactions, but every time he did see her, she didn’t seem to get the hint he wasn’t in the mood to talk.

Finally, on a Thursday afternoon, Sidney was on his way to check the mail when he ran into her again. This time, she was standing near the door, fumbling with a package. 

“Oh hey” she said, offering her hand. "I’m Harlow, I live next door"

He hesitated for a second, then simply nodded “Sidney” he replied briefly, not giving much more

“Since we live on the same floor” Harlow continued, trying to push through the tension. “If you need anything, feel free to knock.” Sidney looked at her, his expression unreadable. “Thanks,” he said, and before she could say anything else, he stepped back inside his apartment, the door closing behind him

Harlow stood there for a moment, wondering what had just happened. Was he just a private person? Or had she somehow rubbed him the wrong way?

The next few days were no better. Harlow found herself thinking about the encounter more than she liked to admit. What had she done to upset him ? Was it her presence, the fact that she was his new neighbor ? It bothered her to no end

Finally, on a rainy Saturday, Harlow found herself staring out the window again, the loneliness creeping back. She settled for actually stepping outside on her balcony and simply stood there. Rain always brought back shit memories and more than anything it made her nervous. It brought her back to a time she wanted so badly to forget. She turned her head and that’s when she saw him and panicked for a moment.

There he was, also standing on his balcony, staring out into the mist as if was waiting for life to simply wake him up from whatever dream he was in. Without thinking, Harlow spoke first

 “It’s a miserable day, isn’t it?” she said, her voice carrying over the sound of rain.

Sidney didn’t immediately respond, but when he did, his voice was quieter, more tired than before. “I guess.” Harlow glanced over at her, unsure if he wanted her there, but something in his eyes stopped her from retreating. “You live here long ?” she asked. “It’s so plain around here”

Sidney gave a short laugh, but it didn’t sound like he was amused at all “Yeah okay” he responded before he turned away

“I get it,” Harlow said gently. “Grief’s a funny thing. It can turn even the most ordinary things into reminders of... everything you’ve lost.”

The comment made Sidney snap his head back towards her, his gaze darkened as he laid his eyes on her “The hell is that supposed to mean ?”

“I’m sorry about your wife,” Harlow said finally, her voice barely above a whisper “I know it’s been tough and I just wanted to say that I-” “Don’t mention her again” Sidney said coldly “Do you understand ? Just because you moved in and you wanna be annoying trying to talk to me all the damn time doesn’t mean I want to. Keep to yourself and stay out of my way” “Got it” Harlow nodded “I’m sorry” Sidney shook his head and stepped back inside. Perhaps he was too rude but the mere mention of Emerson did that to him. She should be alive, she should be with him. They should’ve been discussing when they’d start trying for kids, where they’d go to vacation that summer. Never did he think he’d have to live without her so soon. It was tearing him up inside and sooner than later he’d know he’d blow up

***************************************************

In the weeks that followed Harlow avoided Sidney every chance she could. If he took the elevator she took the stairs, if he was coming towards her she’d turn the other way. It wasn’t until one night that power went out in the building that she held her flashlight and walked out of her apartment only to see him slumped by his door “Mr.Crosby” she said softly “Are you okay ?”

Harlow took a step closer and flashed her phone light on him and that's when it hit her, he was drunk. She gently touched his shoulder and shook him slightly “Hey….hey Sidney, you okay ?”

“Em….Emerson” he mumbled batting his eyes open “It’s you” he moved his hand to caress her cheek “You’re here”

Harlow breathed heavily upon his touch and gently removed it “We gotta get you inside, where’s your key ?”

“Emerson why’d you leave me” Sidney slurred “I’m sorry Em, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I took longer, I’m sorry…come back please come back already”

She did her best to ignore him, looking for any sign of a key or even a wallet and found his pockets empty. For a moment she debated leaving him there or calling security to come get him but after hearing what she did on tv and how he was on sabbatical, she knew it wouldn’t be ideal so instead she took him to her place.

For once she was thankful a power outage had happened because at least then she couldn’t exactly see his face in her dimly lit living room. She lit up some candles on her dining table and sat there watching him. She had fallen asleep when she suddenly heard movement followed by cursing

“Holy shit” Sidney murmured as he tried to get up from her coach “Why is it dark ?”

“H-Hey” Harlow stuttered out

Sidney squinted as he made eye contact with her then widened his eyes “Why the hell are you in my apartment ? Are you fucking stalking me now ?”

“This is MY apartment” Harlow snapped “You’re in my apartment because you got drunk and lost your wallet and keys and you slumped right by your door like a slob. I brought you in here because I know security would have a bitch fest with you. Believe me I regret my decision immensely”

Sidney felt around his pants and pockets quickly, realizing he in fact had no wallet, keys or even his phone. He shook his head “I….I left everything back at the bar, I only had 2 beers”

“You don’t smell like 2 beers” she commented “Whatever happened clearly got the best of you, I should’ve just called security and they would have handled you”

“Why is your place dark ?” Sidney asked as he looked around “There’s no light”

“Power outage” Harlow nodded “Started around 2 this afternoon and it’s now 8 and still out, management downstairs said we’ll have it back by tomorrow morning at the latest”

He rubbed the back of his neck anxiously and nodded “I uh….sorry for yelling at you like that”

“It’s okay” she said “You were freaked out, I get it”

Sidney reached as he grabbed a candle that was on her coffee table and brought it up to his face so he could see her better “Harlow…Harlow what ?”

“Meyer” she answered quietly

“Harlow Meyer” nodded “I’m Sidney, Sidney Crosby”

“I know” Harlow responded “Thanks for helping me” he looked at her “Listen I know you probably know who I am but just….don’t mention anything alright ? I’ve been on a break and if somehow this gets to the team then they’ll ask me to take more time off and I don’t want that. I’m close to getting back and I don’t want anything fucking that up. If you want money I can give you some, just name the amount and it’s yours”

“I don’t want money,  you have my word I won’t tell a soul. I promise you” Harlow looked at him “I swear”

Sidney hesitated and nodded, looking down at his hands “So uh you’re new here ?”

“Yeah, just got here like a month ago” she answered

“You like it so far ?” he asked

“My neighbor’s kind of an ass but other than that it’s a pretty decent city” Harlow chuckled

Sidney laughed, he genuinely laughed at her comment and grinned, it seemed like it had been forever since he last did that and suddenly Emerson came to his mind and suddenly he felt like he was betraying her in some way

“Well I’m out” he cleared his throat “I’ll have some papers for you to sign tomorrow and what not” “Wait what ?” Harlow asked confused “I’m literally swearing I won’t tell anyone to your face and you’re gonna make me sign some document ?” 

“I don’t know you” he looked at her “I can’t trust you”

She shook her head in disbelief “I can’t believe I helped you out, I should’ve left you out there”

“Why didn’t you ?” he asked

“You looked a mess” she admitted “Clearly you’re struggling”

“I’m not some fucking weirdo alright ? I went to a bar, had some drinks and then when I walked back I felt it all. I’m not some alcoholic who gets drunk every day just to drink, that’s for weak minded people”

“People who struggling with alcohol have an addiction, they’re not weak” Harlow spoke “They can’t help it” “Yeah alright well I’m letting you know all I had were some beers and that this won’t happen again and I’ll have something for you to sign tomorrow” “Just leave already” she pointed to the door He hastily walked out and headed downstairs to get security to let him into his apartment after telling them he had lost his keys. He wasted no time once inside and immediately laid in bed as he reached for the framed picture on his nightstand of him and Emerson and hugged it tightly to his chest.

Today would’ve been their 3 year wedding anniversary and she was gone. Sidney was a widow before he was 40. He still remembered where he was when he got the call about her being rushed to the hospital and how he had convinced himself she was okay. How the heart attack was just minor and she’d be okay but that wasn’t true

The doctor's voice telling him she was gone played over and over in his head and soon he was crying, it was a nightmare he re-lived every single day that was taking over him. The same nightmare that caused him to fall asleep and wake up in that cold sweat every morning.

The next day he woke up and made his way to the bar to collect his wallet, keys and phone he had left behind. After paying his tab and giving the bartender a hefty check to not say a word he stopped by his usual coffee shop to grab something to eat and settled by a nearby bench on a park. It was then that he spotted her and sighed, she was like some tick that just wouldn’t leave him It was day time now and he had a better look at her, she was tall, fit with some brunette hair and seemed overly focused on counting all the donuts in her box. He finished his food and followed her for a bit and when he saw where she stopped and went in he felt his stomach drop. After last night’s fiasco and him talking down to her there she was walking into an AA meeting in the city's treatment center. He paused for a moment and looked down at his phone, his screensaver of Emerson lighting up his phone as if to tell him he knew what he needed to do. What he didn’t know was that he’d soon find out just how much Harlow understood him.

[fallendev0tionvn]

Ah! I almost forgot!

I was curious about our coworker in the demo, Dariel. Just little facts about him? I love his design

(also, adding onto the last ask, it's bogus anyone's sending you negative comments. Your art is a damn pleasure to see, the story we have so far is intriguing, Clive is a wonderful character with so many cool details and design, and you yourself seem fun and lovely. Honestly this ask was more of an excuse to say that, but regardless. Carry on, you dropped this 👑)

AHH FINALLY- Dariel got my book loving, critical thinker and logical side, while Clive took all my artistic and creative traits HDHSJ. ALSO THANK YOU SO SO MUCH!! YOU SEEM SO FUN TO BE AROUND AS WELL🫶🫶

Dariel is an ancient philosophy student, and yes, he will spend hours talking about Plato's Symposium (HE'S SO ME- I'm not a philosophy student, and uhh I created him so nvm).

A devoted reader who keeps on buying books even though he has a massive backlog- relatable.

He's in charge of baking at the cafeteria, though on that day he was busy sorting out the new decorations.

Chess enthusiast and an absolute menace at games- he loves puzzles like the ones in Resident Evil and Silent hill (certified psycho behavior).

100% sobbed his heart out reading Kafka's letter to his father- even more when he noticed the tear stains on the original copy (😭😭 my shaylaaaa).

Obsessed with fluffy sweaters.

Weirdly knowledgeable about medicine?? actual genius, even reads medical books in his free time (wish that was me).

Loves the rain.

He's 24 and a Sagittarius (born November 28th).

The late Mattia Pascal is one of his favorite novels.

Jokes around a lot, but genuinely cares about you- he'd defend you with his life.

Dariel's board cause I did Clive's a long time ago HAHDJA.

[johannestevans]

genuinely don't understand many other self-published fiction people's approach to marketing, which seems to take its cues from like. people who sell self-help books, or like. fucking do drop shipping

your goal is to find the people who like work like yours and connect them with it.

i think it's really difficult for people to envisage this because they're just poisoned by commercialism & capitalism as exists today, where every company is basically trying to strongarm, manipulate, and trick every single person in the world into buying their product

it's not just stupid and impossible from a marketing perspective, even for whatever garbage they might be shilling, but it's particularly misguided to do for a piece of fucking art or entertainment

and part of it i suppose is just like. a lack of identity but also a desperate fear of rejection

in order to meaningfully think about who will like, love, identify with, crave, and otherwise want to engage with your work, you have to meaningfully think about the people who won't

and that's scary bc a lot of people want to be vulnerable by creating art but don't want to be perceived or judged

and certainly don't want to be rejected, or receive negative reviews, or have people say "egh, it's not my thing", as if that's going to be the immediate death knell on their career

but it's just like. the thing of "i must try to make everyone in the world buy my book" will lead to MORE rejection

idk man. who are you? what's your work, like, about, at the core of it? what are the problems in it? what's the pathos, the core tragedy or core comedy, the meaning? what makes it entertaining? what makes it fun, or miserable, or horrifying? why did you write it? that's why people will read it

what's funny is that i talk to straight people all the time who can't do this, and they think that the way i do it is just by being like. hey boys, i'm a homosexual crippled jew, and my work is about that. and then i sell my books to my fellow disabled gay jews and such

which, sure, a bit

but what my work is actually about is like. trauma and trauma recovery. making peace with the many limits of your body and your relationships, and the limitations placed on you by your scars or your circumstances. fucked up monster sex, which is itself radical acceptance of the horror of our bodies

a lot of gayjew cripples and trans folk identify with that shit because… you know. of fucking course

but a lot of other people do as well, my work is in many ways informed by my identity, but the core themes aren't

many people DON'T like my work bc it's not plotted or structured traditionally

"what was the point?" many disappointed readers ask. "there's no actual STORY here," many complain. "nothing happens," many understandably grumble.

any jew or homosexual will tell you - there's no story. there's just suffering, and then you try to make it better, and then there's more suffering.

but you try to make it better, and it gets a bit better. you take your painkillers, you put balm on the wound. you fall down - maybe someone pushes you down. doesn't matter. get up again.

and for a lot of people, that's fucking dull as shit. where's the adventure? where's the fucking stakes?

and that's fine. there's plenty of books written for those people, they're just not written by me. i'm too busy doing my thing. and what i'm also too busy doing is selling my work to people who actually WANT it, rather than trying to trick people into buying it who won't.

part of the horror of meaningfully looking at your work and going, "okay, who is this for, and who is it NOT for?" is like. not just accepting your limitations, but also having genuine faith in your work. some people won't like it, but some people will fucking adore it. and you have to lean into it

and mostly stop paying for fucking facebook ads. jesus wept. what's wrong with you.