#like i’m writing right and i’m like ‘oooooh i can’t wait to see how my inky bbs react to this!!!!’

[smoothielenny]

ʜᴜᴍᴀɴ!ʏ/ɴ ᴀᴄᴄɪᴅᴇɴᴛᴀʟʟʏ ʙɪᴛɪɴɢ (ᴀꜱ ᴀɴ ᴀꜰꜰᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ)

(Neteyam, Lo’ak, and Ao’nung)

Just saw TikTok of it, honestly same

There’s times when you can’t help, but to bite as a way to show your affection. Kisses and hugs wasn’t enough for you to show your love

P.S. this my first time writing here so please be gentle 🥺😏

Also, gn!reader, yuh

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Neteyam

It was a peaceful morning, you and Neteyam were cuddling in your marui. It was a free day for the both of you so you just decided to sleep longer

Neteyam woke up earlier than you, but you were sleeping on his arms, like an angel. He smiled at your snoring state, brushing a strand of hair off your face.

You mumbled some words while you’re sleeping which released a quiet giggle from him.

“Oooooh, my fruitcake… Lo’ak that’s…mine.” You crunched your nose.

“Fufufu, fruitcake?” Neteyam smiled.

You finally woke up from your sleep disappointed that there wasn’t a fruitcake to begin with.

“Good morning, baby.” Neteyam cooed and kiss your forehead, “I’m sorry there’s no—pfft—fruitcake.” He hides his grin from you

You pouted, “hmph whatever” you rolled your eyes, and kiss his cheeks. “Well that’s alright, I have another fruitcake over here~” you caress his face and felt it heating, you smiled as you saw him blushing.

Kiss kiss kiss kiss—

You couldn’t help but give your cute (not-so) little boyfriend some kisses, seeing him in his very cute state the kisses will attack

“Y-y/n! Please, t-that’s enough kisses.” He stuttered, but you didn’t listen and kept kissing until—

chOmp

You bit your lover

“Agh! W-what was that?” Neteyam covered his cheeks. He haves you a confuse look

“S-sorry you were so cute, I couldn’t help it.” You were a bit embarrassed by what you did. You usually held it back, but this time you really couldn’t help your urge to do it.

While in your little panic, you felt a hand on your head ruffling your hair. Neteyam gleefully smiled at you, “it’s alright, baby. I just didn’t expected that from you.”

A red blush form on your cheeks and just nodded. He grabbed your hand and kisses it…then—chOmp

Lo’ak

You and Lo’ak decided to watch the sun set on the top of the tree

You were chatting about how your days went

Lo’ak talks about the usual, raiding human machines, getting injured, and scolded by his father

You just giggled, the way he tell his day is usually in an entertaining tone

You told him about your day, hanging with some scientists, helping them for research purposes, learning how to weave and weaving a new clothes which you are wearing right now

He noticed it and complimented it which gain him a smile and thank you from you

He caress your face observe every detail on your face. Your eyes lashes, you eye color, lips, moles

He slowly move to your face still looking at you features. You can feels his warm breath brushing lightly on your face. Then he kisses your cheeks

Your cheeks then started to heat up, it made a visible light pink which what he wanted to see. He adores how your human face could react in a certain way. You reluctantly continue the kiss on his lips

He couldn’t wait any longer, his tongue slither through your lips to meet yours. You whimpered by the way he plays with your tongue

You try to keep up, gaining a bit of confidence, then a sudden urge hit you, you “accidentally” bit his tongue

“Ack! Yu Bih mah tong (you bit my tongue)” he said while his tongue is out, wincing in pain.

Your eyes widen from your actions. You covered your mouth then your face from embarrassment. You couldn’t believe you just did that. You never act like that around him.

You bow down refusing to look at him and saying sorry multiple times,

“I’m really sorry, Lo’ak. I don’t know what I was thinking.” Your whole body heated up, now he probably thinks your weird for doing that

He waved his hand, laughing, and said it’s okay. It’s kinda hilarious, he never knew you would do something like that, specially in a heat of moment. He brings you close to him feeling your warm body and pats your head.

Ao’nung

Lately the temperature in Awa’atlu isn’t as hot as the other days so you decided that you wanted to go near the shore to watch the waves.

You usually stay in your hut to cool off, you couldn’t handle the heat here. So it’s nice that you could spend much more time outside without worrying about the heat

While watching the waves you saw a group of boys swimming towards your direction, it’s your boyfriend Ao’nung and his friends. They were chatting and laughing at each other

He then noticed you sitting on the sand soaking your feet on the water. He told his group of friends that he’ll headed first and ran to you.

You felt the sand making a noise as Ao’nung walked to you. He sat next to you, “how’s my darling doing?” He looked at you smiling.

You look at him and also have him a smile, “I’m great, surprisingly it’s not as hot as yesterday.” You played with a sand.

He giggles and kiss your forehead, “this is the first time I’ve seen you outside during afternoon. It’s refreshing.” He leaned towards you and wrapped his arms around you. You did the same and rest your head on his chest.

You can feel him breathing next to your ear, which tickles you. You gave him a kiss which made his eyes sparkle. He attacked you with kisses on your forehead, cheeks, lips, nose, where ever he can kiss you.

You giggles from his kisses, “Hehe, Ao’nung! Stop it, it tickles—hehe.” He didn’t stop. He continued.

You also wanted to plant some kisses on him. So you tried to kiss him here and there, he then stopped and let you kiss him. You kiss his chest, it’s your favorite part of him to kiss.

He is larger than you since you’re a human. So his chest is like a canvas for you to kiss and he likes it. It does tickles him, but soothing at the same time.

He smiled from your kisses until he felt you bit him, “Ouch, what was that?!” He looked at you. You look at him as if you did something wrong, but then realize that you bit

“Oh, s-sorry Ao. I didn’t meant to d-do that.” Your words fumbled, “I-I don’t know what’s wrong with me, it must be my head—“

He put his hand in your cheek and told you to calm down. You then tried to calm yourself only to be embarrassed afterwards. He saw you blushing madly from how embarrassed you are and laughs. “Is this how human show affections?” You looked away. “N-no… not all.”

[screampied]

PLEASE are you the one that wrote firefighter Toji… and he like sticks you out the window and you know gets NASTY with it. if so I can’t find it but…, it’s been on my mind. I just KNOW there’s other fictional characters that would do that. like even if they weren’t firefighters please that writing was literally so yummy I died dead reading that.

dare I say… Arthur Morgan would do that.. I’m getting to confident on these asks

ENOUGH of these men even though I love all yall nerdy men and I love me my fictional men can we talk about these women like please

when I talked about Michonne and you said in those tags don’t even get me started I felt so seen LIKE MICHONNE IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND SO FINE I LOVE HER AND THAT KATANA. she is so cool please also MAGGIE I LOVE HER!!!!!! Maggie is like my wife like they are so beautiful 🙁 and shoko and Sadie and Mary Beth I am to gay for this life

besides me freaking out… how have you been!!! I’ve been dumping myself freaking out in these asks but I hope you’re doing good !! to be honest I wanna skip to Halloween already and I want it to be Christmas I know theirs thanksgiving but Christmas is better and thanksgiving is like just eating food and my big self does that everyday

-cowboy liker anon

LOL YES 🫰🌚. it was just a little ramble, i kinda wanna expand more on it tho one day bc firefighter toji ngh. thank u tho !!!! 😭 ur so sweet <3 and totally right, love a good firefighter au. it’s in my second masterlist i think in toji’s section

oooooh fawk ur so right ab arthur pls. MICHONNE IS SOOOO BEAUTIFUL. i don’t even watch twd but she’s so >>>> i know her from the games bc i played all the games, read a bit of the comics but never finished. MAGGIE TOOOOO. u have such good taste, shoko mention ough that’s wifey 🫃

IVE BEEN GOOD. i’ve been busy all day helping a friend move in so i got plenty of rest. im trying to get some writing done, n we’ll see how far we get for tonight 🧚🏽‍♀️ hoping i don’t chicken out ahah. i hope you’ve been doing good also !!!! i always appreciate u for stopping by in my inbox, ur always welcome nonnie <3 ‘n same, can’t wait for christmas. that’s actually my birthday heh, christmas eve 🫦

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

Hi Cal!!! Parenthesis comments anon here - i’m so sorry about your computer crash on my last ask thats so frustrating :( but as always i’m super grateful for everything you write!

Also I just read Madney cinderella and it was so adorable!!! Well done!!

I’m gonna break this up into a few asks to ward off the computer crashing demons :p i thought about just requesting less but that only lasted for about three seconds until I realized that I couldn’t pick any fics to leave off the list so this is my new solution :p

⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️(oh boy a last minute wedding disaster! I love it! Can’t wait to see them all come together to make it happen)

🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨(oooooh they be publicly dating! Good for them!)

🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸(THE END OF THAT LAST CHAPTER WITH THAT LETTER OMG!!!!!!!! I always say this but it’s so true - this story has completely captivated me and I’m so excited to see what’s next!)

HI! That's a long way to refer to you, so it's PCA for now. Hi, PCA! (if you would like a better nickname, lemme know)

Thank you once again for all of these! Breaking it up like this actually does work super well for me. I like this solution!

60 for ⚡️ (thank you!!! I am excited to get them there!)

---

Mysterious, Eddie thinks. Whatever. As long as it gets the ball moving and takes away some of Buck’s stress, Eddie does not care. 

🗲🗲🗲

Buck can’t sleep.

Not that that’s particularly surprising, given the circumstances. Several hours of emergency wedding planning have fried his brain. He’s completely exhausted. He thinks he has stress-related heartburn. But here he is, laying in bed well past midnight. Awake. Listening to Eddie’s steady breathing and wishing he was equally as unconscious.

It’s not even because things haven’t improved. They have. The restaurant called a few hours ago, apologetic and scrambling to make things right. They informed them that while the dining room and front of house are in a bad way and likely need several weeks of repairs, the kitchens are in working condition. If Buck and Eddie find a reasonably located venue, they can still cater with the original menu. This is, of course, a huge relief. As much as Buck loves Bobby’s cooking, he hated the idea of Bobby having to throw that all together last minute. Especially on a day when Buck was hoping to monopolize him for emotional support. 

He had planned on shedding lots of happy tears. Not hysterical, stressed out tears. But something, something best laid plans, right? 

Buck flops around a little in bed, trying to reposition himself in a way that will be comfy enough to bring on sleep. It’s all in vain. He knows it’s not going to help. He’s half fallen asleep in several different comfortable positions by now, only to wake with a jolt every time he’s on the verge, thinking of their pressing deadline. Sort of like a dream when you’re falling, except waking only brings more dread, rather than relief. 

Eventually, Buck’s tossing and turning rouses Eddie. He turns over to face Buck with a heavy sigh. 

“Buck,” he mumbles, laying a hand on Buck’s chest. “You need to sleep or you’ll feel worse.”

“Thank you,” Buck grumbles, irritated. “I hadn’t tried sleeping.”

Another sigh.

“Buck. Come on. I’m sorry I jinxed us.”

Buck scoffs. “Eddie, I know you don’t believe you jinxed us.”

“No,” Eddie admits. “I don’t. But I am sorry I said something with crap timing that made you feel like I jinxed us.”

Buck’s not sure that’s an actual apology. He gives a little huff. 

Eddie sits up in bed. 

“Alright, enough of this.” He says decidedly. 

“Enough of what?” Buck complains. “Being reasonably stressed our wedding is ruined?”

“Enough of that,” Eddie emphasizes. “Our wedding isn’t jinxed or ruined or cursed or whatever insanity you and Chim would concoct to explain a very unfortunate fire.”

Buck gapes at him. He is not sure how the hell to respond to that. How is their wedding not ruined? Jinx or not, there’s still no venue!

“My love.” Eddie’s tone shifts. Buck’s body goes a bit gooey, despite his tense stress. They don’t often refer to each other in terms of endearment. 

---

36 for 🚨 (YEAH!):

---

Chris blushes a little, like the idea of approaching Buck with this is embarrassing. He’s nine going on thirteen, apparently. 

“Maybe I will.”

Eddie smiles at him. “Okay. You think about it.”

“I will,” Chris assures him.

“You know,” Eddie says. “He misses you just as bad as you miss him.”

“You think?” Chris asks.

“Oh, I know. A hundred percent.”

Chris smiles a tiny, pleased smile. 

“He’ll be home soon,” he recites, the way Eddie has told him a hundred times. 

“That’s right,” Eddie agrees. “He’ll be home soon.”

ii.

Buck gets home from Texas before sunrise. 

He is bone-tired and in desperate need of a full night’s sleep. Which he likely won’t get for several more hours. Sleeping seated in a fire engine overnight? Not impossible. Not the worst Buck has done. But not great. The cot situation in Texas was reminiscent of the military. Needless to say, Buck misses his mattress. 

When he gets home, he tries to be as quiet as possible. He unlaces his boots and creeps through the house, trying not to make a sound that would wake Chris. According to Eddie, he’s been missing Buck pretty badly. If he hears that he’s home, they might not get him back to sleep. 

He cracks the bedroom door open and slips inside. Eddie is in his bed. Buck feels a little thrill at the thought that even with Buck gone for several nights, Eddie didn’t go back to his own room. Most of his stuff is pretty much already there because of quarantine, so Buck supposes it makes sense. But somehow, this makes it seem even more real. Buck can’t keep the grin off his face as he sets down his duffle bag. 

---

96 for 🩸 (I AM GLAD THAT HAD YOU HOOKED!!!)

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD

---

 Someone’s about to pull a mask off. Buck just isn’t sure which one of them is the monster. 

Kim unlocks her car with her keyfob and walks right to the driver’s side door. She doesn’t notice the tires. Walks right by them. Buck feels a flare of frustration. He popped the driver’s side tires for a reason. The car is literally resting lopsided. Just Buck’s luck. He had to choose to murder someone who is the type of person to drive two miles on a flat before realizing. 

Kim climbs into the Prius and starts the ignition. The tail lights flicker to life in Buck’s view. He can hear a radio turn on, volume loud from when he left it this morning. She’s listening to some old classic rock type thing. Buck tries to shove this preference aside. The less he knows about her likes and dislikes, the better. It can’t matter. 

The Prius backs up three feet, makes a struggled noise against the pavement, and comes to an abrupt halt. So she did notice. Thank fuck. 

The car switches gears to park and Kim steps out, purse in hand. She pulls her phone from the designer leather bag, and uses its flashlight to inspect the tires. 

“What the fuck?” He hears her curse. 

She crouches down for a closer look. 

This is it. Buck’s moment. Now or never. 

Hunting knife gripped in his hand, Buck begins his quick descent. He moves like a shadow, approaching her. 

He thinks about what he has to do on loops in his head. One quick movement. Clean and quiet. Her throat. So she can’t scream. Can’t draw attention to them. 

Horrible. Vile. Evil. 

For Eddie.

All for Eddie.`

Buck stops behind Kim. He moves his arm, ready to strike, but for a second - just a single fucking second - he hesitates. He notices his hand shaking. He feels like he’s going to puke. He hates this. He doesn’t want to do this. He hates himself for being willing to do it at all. 

He swallows down his humanity. He strikes. 

Unfortunately, his moment of hesitation has cost him severely. 

Kim whips around with cat-like speed and plunges something sharp into his abdomen. His body screams in a blistering moment of pain, then recoils with numb shock. The thickness of his jacket absorbs a fair amount of the puncture, but Kim is strong. He feels a sharp edge stabbing through the soft side of his belly. 

Her eyes are cold and furious, making bold contact with his. She pulls her weapon from him, causing another spike of hot pain. It’s a nail file. She stabbed him with a fucking nail file. 

Buck staggers back a little. He clutches his stomach with the hand not occupied by the knife. 

“I warned him,” Kim practically growls. Her teeth are extended and full in her mouth. “I warned him I wouldn’t be nice if any of you showed up again.”

What? What is she talking about? She saw Eddie? Talked to him? 

“Were you nice before?” Buck seethes. “When you fucking murdered him?” 

She wrinkles her nose. “You have no idea what it’s like.”

“I guess not,” Buck grumbles. He takes his bloodied hand off his wound and slowly reaches for the gun in his pocket. “But I really don’t care right now.”

Buck may have lost his element of control here, but he’s not giving up so easily. He came here for a reason and he doesn’t give up. 

He pulls the gun. 

Kim throws herself forward, using the momentum of her body to elbow into his wound, knocking him off center. She’s tiny, but she’s endowed with strength that’s beyond a non-vampire. Buck manages to stick his knife between her shoulder and collarbone before being knocked over entirely.

He hits the ground hard, and feels a foot step down onto his wrist. The wrist holding the gun. He loses control of his grip and drops the weapon. 

Fuck. 

This is going really poorly. 

“Meeting Eddie was the worst thing that ever happened to me, I swear to god,” she snaps, pulling the knife from her shoulder. Like someone with no paramedic training at all. Blood seeps from the wound. Idiot. 

Buck twists and grabs her ankle - opposite of the one stepping on him - pressing fingers hard into her Achilles’ tendon. She stumbles as he wrenches her foot to the side. She takes her other foot off his wrist and he’s able to scramble for the gun. 

As he does, she drives his own knife down into the back of his shoulder blade. He shouts in pain. It hurts a thousand times worse than the wound to his stomach.

[princesstillyenna]

NONIFICATION OF THE BAD PENGUIN WHO DIDN'T NONIFY THEMSELVES:

Hello 👋

For the Fanfic Writer Ask Meme M & U, please, and thank you 😊

M: What’s the weirdest AU scenario you’ve ever come up with?  Did it turn into a story?

Weirdest? IDK. I don't tend to come up with AUs. I have some notes for an AU where Dylan Strome is a girl? That's not so weird though because uh, Dylan Strome??? Let me go check the notes nonny.... Although lbr, an AU where the nyr are all secretly into kink and fuck each other into the team? That's quite weird. But no, back to the UNWRITTEN IDEAS DOCUMENT. The AU where the only reason Tony DeAngelo is nice to Mika is because he doesn't realise he isn't white... because swedish = white in his head. Amazing. Dumb dumb DUMB boy. I just didn't really have anymore than that? Actually no, y'know what, it's not even that. It's the following. And I will copy and paste WORD FOR WORD my fic notes from my fic documents (and yes, all of my fic notes read like this) Medieval AU, Teeks is like 3rd inline to the throne, important enough to make a political marriage, but not so important that it doesn’t matter that his future wife can’t have kids Arranged marriage between him and Nolanne Patrick who is the only daughter of a super rich merchant family. They’re like, yes, we can give the crown a massive dowry for this bitch, but she can’t have children. PLOT TWIST IT’S BECAUSE SHE’S A DUDE IN A DRESS They don’t consummate their marriage, and TK is like secretly wondering if it’s because Nolanne has an STD, but he doesn’t say anything, and she’s super shy, so he mostly is like. Ok, whatevs. This was always for the money, and I’m hella gay anyway. Whatevs. And then NP walks in on TK having sex with Laws, and is all, ohhhhhh oh I didn’t realise he was into dude. (TK was totally bottom btw, because he was) and then he’s all like, HOW DO I TELL HIM I’M  A DUDE. I JUST CANT But then they’re hunting, or out riding or whatever and Nolly gets injured which is sad, but it’s a super high up in the groin injury that needs dealing with IMMEDIATELY. So TK is all like, I know you don’t like me seeing you naked, but like YOU’RE DYING and THIS IS NOT WORTH DYING OVER. So GET THOSE PETTICOATS OUT THE WAY And Nolly’s like, fine, just don’t hate me or whatever. So TK moves the petticoats and SURPRISE! COCK! And he’s all like I NEED TO SAVE YOU but also OMG I WANT YOU. But he focuses mostly on the saving. And is all like, when you’re recovered, we’re talking about this. So Nolly explains that his family have like a million sons, and no daughters, and like, they really wanted this. So they just made me be a girl. And, honestly, I’m quite believable, and I’m queer anyway, so whatevs. And TK is like, hey, wanna consummate our marriage? Nolly: Can I top? TK: I think I’ve died and gone to heaven.

IT'S THAT ONE. BUT THEN AGAIN IN THAT DOCUMENT I HAVE NOTES ABOUT WHICH HOCKEY PLAYERS ARE EQUIVILENT TO WHICH MLP CHARACTERS SO THAT'S PRETTY FUCKING OUT THERE??????? ok back to the questions. What even was the next one? U: Is there a pairing you would like to write, but haven’t tried yet. Oooooh I like this question. i keep meaning to write some hockey sibcest but I haven't written any yet. Maybe Jack/Quinn, or Dylan/Ryan. Tryna think if there's any other hockey pairings that I like reading that I haven't written yet? MattDrai in their own right? OHHHH COLE AND MARTY ST LOUIS VERY MUCH. Basically cole and and old man that there is. Cole and an old dude. Cole and Santa.... oh wait no, I wrote that already.

[iguessitsjustme]

All The Liquors - Ep 3 &4 Drunk Thoughts

Not nearly drunk enough yet but time waits for no man so let’s get going. I’ll get drunker as I watch. Under the cut for length:

-Oh yeah his armmmm. I’d be working with one arm. I’ve done it before. It’s not easy but it can be done.

-My apartment is very loud right now…well neighbors and the street are loud and I do not know how to process that and the show at the same time. This is gonna be slow going.

-I want very spicy Korean food and I still want to try soju. Someone come over and we can order Korean food and soju and have a BL marathon.

-Oooooh these colors. They’re in red and blue. I cannot stop thinking about this now. Does @respectthepetty have any thoughts on this. I will have to search them out as soon as I’m done.

–Don’t listen in on someone’s phone call like that. My guy that’s creepy. I love you but that’s an invasion of the all too important bubble.

-This dude just helping our chef boy. This is cute. Kind of. Something about this scenario is nagging at me but I can’t figure out what it is.

-Why is everyone so damn invested in this restaurant serving alcohol?

-Oh chef boy is impressed with our alcoholic’s food knowledge. Why was it not an issue that he offered alcohol though? What’s happening.

-This show would go much different if that one character did not injure his arm.

-I like this song. It’s pretty and it’s calming and I feel so relaxed. I want to listen to it and write essays and pretend like I’m a college student again.

-This show would make a lot more sense if we had any insight as to why chef boy was so insistent on no alcohol. Then maybe the barriers that our alcoholic boy are breaking down would make sense and seeing it happen real time wouldn’t be confusing.

-Now the song reminds me of playing mario. Very fitting for this March 10.

-Unrelated to anything but man oh man I wish I could burp.

-Why the fuck do I need to see someone on the toilet in every show I watch? Can I not be spared even once.

–Oh he fell again. He should stop that.

-Still digging the music in this show. Fuck yeah. This song can get it

-I think I am drunker than I think I am

-I am now on episode 4. I need to plug in my laptop but I am scared I will fall off of my seat if I reach down for it. Pray for me.

-Starts off with our alcoholic falling again. He should stop that. How is he not the one that’s been injured.

-Is it a BL if they don’t end up on swings? Actually a lot of them don’t end up on swings. But there is definitely a good number that end up on swings.

-The swing ropes are red and green. What could that mean??? I’m not good with colors. Especially not while drunk and not even trying tbh.

-Ki Hoon. His name is Ki Hoon. I should learn that. Chef boy is Ki Hoon.

-Who cleaned those clams?

-Han Ji Yoo. That’s the alcoholic’s name. I should learn that too. Ji Yoo.

-I should drink water.

-Why is this boss a dick and downplaying Ji Yoo’s abilities? “I’m not sure he’ll be much help.” Bruh that’s not how you manage.

-HOW DID HE FALL YET AGAIN. Get this boy some work shoes pronto. He should be wearing appropriate shoes in the kitchen.

-The sexual tension while covered in clam juice is a bit much for me.

-I am fine until I try to move and then I am suddenly reminded that I am drunk.

-Where are the rest of their ingredients? My dudes cooked a meal with just carrots and onions.

-Why won’t this boy drink? I need ANSWERS. 

-THAT WAS FAST MY DUDE. You’re ready to just abandon your beliefs and just start drinking? Is it your beliefs your abandoning? I don’t even know because I have no context for your alcohol apprehension. WHICH IS VALID. I just don’t know whyyyyy. It seems like it should be a bigger deal that you’re drinking than this show is making it.

-Oh my god the hiccups. I am now accepting thoughts and prayers.

-There was no hesitation to him drinking that. My god. 

-IS HE DRUNK ALREADY? AFTER JUST THAT? My god I thought *I* was a lightweight.

-He must have a severe alcohol intolerance. But that doesn’t explain why he won’t serve it.

-I know the hidden meaning of asking someone if they want ramen. Even when I’m drunk. There was a double meaning there my dudes. Now stare intensely into each other’s eyes.

-Actually obsessed with the ending song and I WILL be listening to it on a loop don’t worry about it. [god I hope I can find it]

[yanderelovlies]

✨Galaxy Anon ✨ here!

Thanks viví. Since it’s already closed from now I am responding I will make a list so next time I have it all prepared and I can get my thoughts more clear on what I want. I’m so glad!

Please do. I’m in need of some right now.

Oh yeah sauce said it did. It was basically a hashtag called “ NotMyNick” I’m not kidding they said they did. Yeah but we gotta respect the decision since they were adamant about it and we gotta respect the sauce. There message is in there other account.

At least that’s good. I like those teachers since there so understanding.

We have issues lol.

Makes sense in that situation even though looking back yeah I see some instances I wish I had more guidance by. Yeah teachers talked about it in school but it’s not the same. Sorry you had to go though that, I just hope some parents now can make sure there child is safe. Yeah it does and it haunts you that something worse could have happened especially seeing cases like that on the news. Though I can’t say it’s all bad. I met some good people online and helped me out in tough times. True the more we can swim in.

Ooh I see, yeah life catches up like that. Wait what?! I get going to get the apartment since they planned it but moving a older brother into your place?! That could’ve been dangerous honestly! He wasn’t a bad person right? He didn’t take advantage right?! Yeah I can see that especially excluding you out of the group sorry that’s how it went. Yeah especially with people you love, I had friends who left or didn’t have any use to me anymore later on in life and it messed me up honestly. Sorry you had to go through that, panic attacks yeah aren’t fun not to mention it shouldn’t have happened in the first place. It’s messed up, you deserve better vivi.

Thanks vivi. You make me feel my feelings are validated.

Oooooh, I can't wait to see that list!! I love your prompts.

That sounds horrible. God I'm so sorry Sauce I hope they are okay.

Me too I wish my current teacher is like that. She is giving me major anxiety rn. We have a final draft tomorrow, but we never did a rough draft nor did she grade our outline. I don't write a paper on a bad outline

Lol I feel like it's fine 💕

Honestly that's why I piss off my siblings because I watch their internet history and what they are doing. I don't want anything to happen to them you know??

I wasn't part of it, but I won't lie when I visited he did make me uncomfortable. His eyes were always following me, and he always flirted with me and the other friend. I don't see him anymore thank goodness. I'm sorry you had to go through it too galaxy! I think your fantastic friend and I'm happy I get to call you my friend 💕

Good! You deserve it 💕💕

[inkykeiji]

wait...my sweet baby natsuo...is sadistic?? Uh oh 👀 Clari I’m so scared now omgggggg

HAHAHA no anon don’t be scared!!!! but he is, he’s very sadistic and he’s also very unhinged—he just hides it extremely well 👀👀 you’ll see you’ll seeeeee

[allaboardthevespa]

Unconditionally

I got bored, and I suddenly felt the urge to write some really sappy (with some angst) Milo Murphy’s Law fluff. I know who Melissa should end up with is a matter of debate, but I’m a proud Team Zalissa member so this fanfic will be about that. Milossa or Bradlissa fans, sorry, but hope you can enjoy this nonetheless. I wasn’t sure what to call this at first, but I listened to the Katy Perry song “Unconditionally” and my brain was like YES so here.

I’m not proud of how this ends, but eh, my brain sucks at ending things. Just hope y’all enjoy this bit of adorable sickfic fluff ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

WARNING: contains relatively graphic scenes of vomit…and becomes extremely tooth-rotting fluff

-- 

It was an ordinary day in Danville – or as ordinary as it could be with the Murphy family’s usual chaos. Milo and Zack’s walk to school had been a heck of a ride, as usual. Runaway concrete pipes, surfing on busted plumbing, falling off cliffs, the whole nine yards. But, as is the norm for Milo Murphy and his friends, everything worked out and they got to school in the nick of time.

 But of course, it didn’t take long for them to realize someone was missing.

 As the students sat in class waiting for Ms. Murawski, Milo looked between him and Zack and noticed a conspicuously empty seat. “Hey, wait a minute,” asked the jinx, “Where’s Melissa?” “I have no idea,” replied Zack, scratching the back of his head in confusion. The other students surrounding them began chattering among themselves, wondering what could’ve happened to the rough-and-tumble redhead. “Maybe she blocked one of her chakras?” Mort suggested with a shrug. Bradley facepalmed, “Mort, she’s not a hippie like you are. She doesn’t do chakras.” “MAYBE DRAKO GOT HER!” panicked Chad, shivering like a leaf and covering his head with his hands. “Don’t panic, everyone,” Amanda cut in, “Knowing what happens in this town, she’s probably caught up in time-travel shenanigans to save a cart of pistachios or something.”

 “Pipe down, class!” came an adult voice. The kids turned to see Ms. Murawski entering the room, just hanging up a phone. “I know you’ve all noticed that Melissa Chase is missing today. Well, it’s simple. She’s just come down with a stomach ache and can’t come in today. No matter, she’ll be able to catch up some other day.” She took out a pencil, “Now, turn your textbooks to page 421.”

 As the other students got to reading, Milo turned to look at Melissa’s empty chair. “That’s too bad,” he sighed, “I don’t even remember the last time she got sick.” He turned to look out the window. “Poor Melissa. She must be feeling pretty down right now.” “Yeah…” Zack agreed, looking crestfallen. “I wish I could help out.” “Well, if you want to, you could,” Amanda suddenly spoke up, “It’s just a little science work, you don’t need to worry about missing it. I think Melissa would be happy to have a little company today.” “Yeah,” Milo agreed with Amanda, “Besides…I’m sure you would love to have a little…” He cleared his throat sarcastically, before giving a smug grin, “Quality time with her.” “Oh, of course,” laughed Amanda, as snickers and ‘oooooh’s went up around the rest of the classroom. Zack flushed a beet-red, flustered by Milo’s joke. “Yes, yes, I’m aware of the, ahem, ‘chemistry’,” he chuckled bashfully, “Alrighty. If you think I should go hang out with her, I’ll go. She could use the company.” “You go, Zack!” cheered Milo, as Zack went to Murawski’s beloved front desk.

 “Excuse me, Ms…may I be excused? I need to use the restroom,” Zack innocently asked, hiding his lie expertly well. “Fine, very well,” Murawski huffed, “Just don’t get lost.” “Thanks, Ms,” he chirped, waving goodbye to the students as he left the room. The moment he slipped out, he scanned the halls for the arrow sign that was labeled “Way Out”, and the minute he saw it, he scampered in that direction. He heard hall monitors yelling at him to not run in the halls, but he couldn’t give less of a damn. Detention could wait. He had a friend to help.

 --

 After a lot of running and following directions on his phone, Zack had arrived in the street where Melissa and her single father lived. Seeing Mr. Chase standing outside his house watering a bush, Zack got on his way to talk to him when he suddenly noticed a butterfly flitting in front of him. Zack watched it fly upwards and noticed it settle on a tree branch covered in wisteria flowers – and an idea registered in Zack’s mind. He reached up and grabbed a small branch covered in a healthy amount of the flowers, wrapped the wood in some tissue paper he brought with him, and wrapped a bow around the flowers to keep them straight. Holding tightly onto the bouquet, he soon made it to the house he was looking for.

 As Mr. Chase was minding his own business, watering that bush, he heard a familiar voice. “Hey, Mr. Chase!” He turned off the hose and whipped around to see Zack, politely standing at his gate with a bouquet of wisteria flowers in hand. “Oh, hello, Zack,” greeted the firefighter, “I imagine you heard about my daughter?” “Yeah, tough break,” Zack replied in a sympathetic tone. “When I heard, I thought I could come down and cheer her up.” “Oh, how nice,” Mr. Chase smiled, “Melissa doesn’t get sick often, but she’s always miserable when she does. I think she’ll be happy to have a friend with her.” “I thought so too,” Zack nodded, following his crush’s father to the door. “Thanks for letting me come around,” he thanked with a grateful wave. “No problem,” the older man replied, “Any friend of my daughter’s is a friend of mine. Hope you two have fun.” “Bye, Mr. Chase,” Zack waved at him as he walked up the stairs to his friend’s room.

 --

 It had not been a fun morning for Melissa. When she awoke, the stomach pain had hit her in full force, and it didn’t take long for her father to realize how out of sorts she was. Neither of them liked when she got sick, but Melissa had a special hatred for the concept of illness. She was a real go-getter, and the thought of having to stay in bed for hours on end and not enjoy her usual hobbies made her feel even sicker than she was already.

 But the worst part of being sick in bed is that, without her mind being preoccupied by daily events caused by school and Murphy’s Law, it tended to wander to some uncomfortable places…and asked some tough questions she didn’t know if she had the answers to.

 Was Milo always gonna be able to keep himself prepared for every situation? 

Will his bad luck come to bite him in a way he can’t protect himself from?

Should she even be asking these questions?

Would Milo WANT her asking these questions?

 The internal crisis she was having made the stress she had grow all the more, and her stomach’s pain intensified with it.

 Melissa was holding her head in distress and shutting her eyes tightly, in a vain attempt to block out those awful questions, when she heard her door creak open. Reluctantly, she slowly opened one of her eyes…and suddenly her heart skipped a beat at who she saw waiting for her in the doorway. She gently pulled herself up from her hunched state as her eyes met his, and gently mumbled “Z-Zack? Is that…really you?” Zack let out a quiet laugh, “Of course it’s me, buddy. I heard you were sick, and I knew I had to be there for you. You are my best friend, after all.” Melissa didn’t notice it, but her cheeks were heating up with a bright red blush as the compliment warmed her heart and soul. “You…really mean that?” she asked, giving a genuine smile. Zack couldn’t help blushing himself at the sight of Melissa giving him a sweet, happy smile with her cheeks tinged red. It was completely adorable.

 To respond to her question, Zack revealed the bouquet of wisteria flowers he’d picked on his way. “If I didn’t mean it, would I get you these?” He approached her in her bed and gently knelt down to her level, “Milo’s told me you love flowers, so when I saw these in your neighborhood, I figured I’d get you a little something.” Melissa gave an adorably surprised gasp, then, as quickly as she could, reached over to grab the bouquet with a cute little giggle. “Wow, I…” she stammered, caressing some of the petals, “That’s really sweet of you.” “It’s the least I could do for you being such a great friend,” Zack responded, watching happily as his best friend held the wisteria bouquet to her chest and face and inhaled deeply. “I’m glad you like them.” “Thanks, Zack,” Melissa gave him the cutest smile ever, “I’m glad you’re here for me.” “Well,” responded the former boyband member, “What are best friends for?”

 --

 From then on, in the following hours, the two best friends made the most of their time together. The two played all sorts of games, shared all sorts of stories, and just being two kids happy in one another’s company. Zack enjoyed every moment, yet throughout it all he couldn’t stop himself taking his eyes off his best friend. Her smile warmed his heart, her giggles were absolutely adorable, and every so often she’d briefly stop what she was doing, turn around and smell the flowers he’d brought her, now sat comfortably in a vase on her bedside table. That was another thing he found to be adorable. It wasn’t often that he saw the redhead able to just loosen up and be a goofball when they weren’t busy trying to stop Murphy’s Law from causing mayhem, but when they got the chance to just be kids, it was something both of them made the most of.

 It was during a quiet break from their fun that things began to take an unexpected turn.

 Zack was watching his best friend cuddled up in her bed, stroking her hair gently, when an uncomfortable-sounding groan emitted from her stomach, and she abruptly shot up and looked at him with a deer-in-the-headlights look. “What’s the matter?” asked Zack, gently grasping her hands. “I…I dunno,” Melissa panted, before she clutched her stomach out of instinct. “I…I’ve never felt l-like this…” She took a shaky breath, “But I feel like I…ugh!” She cringed, and without thinking raised a hand to her mouth. Zack connected the dots right away. He didn’t think they’d be able to make it to the bathroom fast enough at this point. Luckily, his eyes floated to a spare empty flower vase not yet filled with wysterias or whatever other flowers she liked. It wasn’t perfect, but it’d do. He scrambled over and grabbed it, before giving it to Melissa, and sat next to her once more.

 Melissa opened her mouth to say something, but abruptly, she hunched herself over and heaved unpleasantly. Zack couldn’t help cringing, but he knew he had to provide some semblance of comfort. It looked like this was a new experience for her. He gently rubbed her back as each painful retch came, making sure she knew he was there for her even in a time like this. Melissa’s mind didn’t register much else in that moment other than the horrible feeling of her throat and stomach expunging the nasty liquid from her body, and, in sharp contrast, the warm, soft, gentle touch of her best friend.

 In reality, it only took 30 seconds for the retching to stop. To Melissa, it felt like an eternity. Nonetheless, when she was sure she was done, she pulled her head back from the vase and wiped her brow as she set the now puke-filled vase aside. She breathed heavily in an attempt to clear her mind, as what just happened played itself over and over again in her head. She’d never experienced something like that before, and she never wanted to again. Luckily, though, she had her best friend right nearby. Getting a little closer to the sickly go-getter, Zack gently asked her “How do you feel?” Coughing a little, Melissa turned to Zack with a look of pure pain in her eyes. “I…I…” she wiped her brow again, “What…was that? T-that was horrible…” “Relax, Melissa,” Zack did his best to comfort her, “You just vomited. No big deal, it happens to you sometimes if you’re stomach-sick.” “B-But I…” the redhead whimpered, “Th-that hasn’t happened to me before…My dad told me about it when I was super young, and cuz I don’t get sick that often…I never THOUGHT it would happen…” She sighed, “Man, I feel like a dummy now.” Feeling his heart hurt for Melissa’s sorry state, Zack pulled her into a hug, “Hey…you’re no dummy. If this is your first time ever vomiting, no wonder your mind’s in a daze like this. You’ll be alright. You’re always alright, aren’t you?” He put a hand on one of her shoulders and comfortingly looked into her beautiful blue eyes.

 Until she said two words that threw him for a loop…

 “Not really.”

 Zack’s mind took a moment to register what Melissa had just said. Those two, little, mumbled words. “Not really.” What was she implying? Was it what Zack was thinking? No, there’s no way, Melissa was the toughest girl he’d ever known. But, why else would she say that? Gently, he got closer to her, and gently gazed into her eyes, ignoring the blush on his face, and asked “What do you mean by…’not really’?” Melissa flinched a little, not knowing where to begin. The questions in her mind were roaring to get out, and she had to let someone know. She was tired of suffering in silence.

 At that moment, Melissa gently grabbed Zack’s shoulders and began to speak, knowing he’d be there to listen.

 And all the words came flying out.

 “…Zack, I’m scared. I’ve always BEEN scared. Ever since I became Milo’s best friend, I’ve always been worrying myself like crazy about him, worrying that someday he’s gonna get caught in some insane Murphy’s Law accident that he’s not ready for and he’ll get hurt…or worse. And I know it’s really fucking stupid cause it’s goddamn Milo and he’s ALWAYS prepared, but I can’t help myself. And I just feel like a big jerk because Milo wouldn’t WANT me to be worried about him all the time. He’s…fine with the way things are and doesn’t want them to change…but…” She took a shaky breath, and sighed lowly, “I do.” Zack now reached up and rubbed her shoulders as she continued talking, “I don’t want Milo to be stuck with Murphy’s Law. I want him to live and be happy, without always having to look over his shoulder in case of stampeding bison or angry crossing guards or other shit like that. But Milo…he just doesn’t want that…and I feel like a selfish idiot who tries to act like she knows what’s best for everyone…but…” She glanced up, and Zack’s heart leapt at what he saw…

 The toughest, smartest kid he’d known in his life…strong, brave, a born leader with a near-permanent smile…

 She was crying.

 “I just…” she whimpered, not even bothering to wipe away the hot tears streaking down her face, “I feel like such a selfish jackass who doesn’t know what Milo or even you want in your lives…I just don’t want to lose him, or you, or anyone…” She shut her eyes tightly and let a fresh wave of tears out, “And I’ve been lying to you about how I’ve been feeling this whole time…because I just don’t want you guys to see what a fucking mess I really am!” “You’re not a mess-” Zack tried to interrupt, only for Melissa to cut him off. “No, don’t…don’t keep the lie going any longer than it has to…” she sobbed, “I act like I’m tough, but…I’m just a terrified wreck of a person who can’t stand the thought of losing the people she cares about…that’s me. That’s selfish, paranoid, obnoxious Melissa Lily Chase…”

 With that, the broken redhead turned away and started sobbing all-out into her hands, her limbs shaking with every loud sob echoing from her body. She could feel the burn of hot tears rushing down her face, dripping from the tip of her nose onto her bed. Between every choked sob, she tried to take some breaths as if to calm herself, but all attempts failed as the tears kept on coming.

 With every sob Melissa let out, Zack could feel his heart sink a little more. There was a part of him who still couldn’t believe this. How long had Melissa been keeping these feelings at bay? Did she really think that badly of herself just for being worried about Milo? His mind raced with questions, but he honestly couldn’t give less of a damn about getting the answers. All that mattered to him was giving support to someone who very badly needed it.

 Without hesitation, Zack gently put his arms around Melissa’s back, gently rubbing her side with one hand and stroking her hair with the other. It took a moment for Melissa to register what Zack was doing, but the moment she did, she felt her muscles gently ease up at the feeling of his warm embrace. She could still feel her cheeks and nose wet from all the crying she’d been doing, and flushed a little in embarrassment. “I, uh…” she tried to break the silence, “I’m sorry you had to see me like this.” “You don’t need to apologize,” Zack told her gently, “I just wonder why you hadn’t spoken up about your feelings before. Milo’s an understanding guy, he’d be happy to listen to your worries.” “I just…” she sniffled, “I just don’t want Milo to start worrying about what goes on in my head all the time…and I don’t wanna seem like a controlling bitch.” Without warning, Zack put a hand over her mouth the moment she said the word “bitch”. He turned Melissa around to look at him and looked intently into her eyes, and spoke his mind.

 “Listen to me, Melissa. You are not a ‘bitch’. You have never been a bitch. You’re worrying yourself that you’re a terrible person because you actually want what’s best for Milo! There’s nothing wrong with that. I know Milo is fine with the way things are but if you’re not, that’s completely okay. We may not be able to change Murphy’s Law, but we’ll always be able to help Milo throughout everything, and I know that cuz you’ve been doing that for seven years now, and I know you can keep doing that.” He gave her the warmest smile he could manage, despite the fact he now had tears of his own welling up in his eyes. “There’s nothing wrong with being scared, Melissa – as long as you don’t let it change who you are.”

 In that moment, both 13-year-olds found themselves gazing into one another’s tearful eyes. Then, without another word, Melissa got closer to Zack and collapsed into his arms, wrapping her arms around his back. It didn’t take long for Zack to return the embrace, rubbing her back gently to soothe her emotions. They stayed there, in silence, for what felt like hours. Neither of them said a word. They didn’t have to, not right now at least. All they needed right now was right in front of them.

 After so long of being locked in that embrace, Melissa pulled back a little, wiping one more tear from her face, before gently cupping her hands around Zack’s own face and tilted his head up so their eyes could lock once more. Both of them smiled tenderly as the tension that was in their minds evaporated.

Of course, there was just one more thing Melissa felt the need to say…

 “Hey,” she whispered, getting Zack’s full attention. She now moved her hands down to gently clasp his own, and gave him a soft smile, grateful for all of what he’d done for her, not just today but in all the time they’d spent together in the past. She took one more deep breath as if to mentally prepare herself, and spoke the three magic words.

 “I love you.”

 There was a brief moment where Zack felt surprised, but that quickly gave way to an indescribable feeling of happiness, and it didn’t take long for him to respond.

 “I love you too.”

 Without hesitating for a moment, the tomboyish nerd and the dorky jock soon embraced one another in a long, soft kiss, tears of joy now streaming down their faces. Zack brought a hand up to gently caress Melissa’s cheek while Melissa put her arms around his back, deepening the kiss further.

 Once they needed to break for oxygen, the two gently separated their lips, still having their noses touching. Suddenly a knock sounded at the door, and both of them flushed a bit before scrambling off each other – but they were still smiling widely after their passionate love display. The door opened and revealed Mr. Chase with a large cup of tea in hand. “Here you go, sweetie,” he spoke, bringing it over to his daughter, “I made you some tea. See if it helps your stomach.” “Thanks, Dad,” Melissa giggled a little in response. Zack couldn’t help blushing a little at how adorable he found that little laugh of hers. Mr. Chase now thought back to earlier and cringed a little, “I heard what sounded like vomiting earlier. Isn’t that your first time? I hope everything’s okay.” Melissa gave an awkward shrug, “It was scary at first, but…it wasn’t so bad. Especially since Zack was with me.” A sincere smile crossed her face, as she looked over at her best friend-turned-boyfriend, then at her loving father. “I know it sounds weird, but…this has been one of the happiest days I’ve had in a long time. Thank you both, so much. I’m so glad I have you both and Milo and everyone else in my life.” Zack and Mr. Chase now both brought Melissa into a group hug, and the former Lumberzack gently thanked her himself, “And thank you for being in ours.”

The End

[etherealising]

i’m so perplexed right now because i LOVED this chapter but i’m also going to HATE the consequences of this chapter sjsjsjsjsjsjsj. gonna have to revisit this domesticity when the storm that this is going to cause actually hits.

i’m writing chapter 6 and hinting at the consequences as we speak and I HATE IT 😐

oh god not the funeral…. i’m not brave enough for this - the show spared me but i should’ve known that you wouldn’t sksjsjsjs

i was not brave enough to give a more in depth look. i was sat here bawling my eyes out after every line i wrote about this damn funeral

this is such a soft moment in such a dark time and i’m living for the contrast.

we get more of these two cuties in the next chapter!

jfc it’s not even 10 AM and i’m bawling on the couch - that must be a new record.

the hurt do be hurting, the hurt stops for no one

the absolute most dangerous pipeline to follow but also inevitable for baby unfortunately

yeah…pretty much sends her into her whole downward spiral unfortunately

i feel so attacked rn - i think i need to be billing you for my therapy. this was everything i imagined i would feel from a funeral scene but also somehow so much more gut wrenching at the same time.

bestie writing this fic is my therapy, the hurt was very much felt while writing this one

damn. he didn’t even go? this is so on brand for him yet i also get why he wouldn’t want to go? but also hes simply never there for the people around him when they need him the most.

okay i thought this was canon but now idk. i remember in season 1 Fak mentioning that he sent flowers and Carm was all like ‘yeah idk, I didn’t go’ but now i can’t find that scene for the life of me : (

the way these traits so often run in the family…. carmy you need to look in the mirror before you’re even more sad and alone than you already are

nat just living her best life, but seriously carmy has a lot of working on himself

oh my god is it baby? it has to be baby

baby: surprise shawty

he is so ‘why so many word when few word do trick’ coded

no but you’re so right that’s literally his whole character

i know this is a serious moment of contemplation for baby but this just made me laugh so. hard. THIS is so on brand - man finds a product he likes and never strays again. *edit - OH MY GOD IT WOULD BE LAVENDER TOO WHY AM I CACKLING

you are the only person to clock this and i freaking love you for it!!! LIKE OF COURSE THIS WHORE IS USING PRODUCTS THAT REMIND HIM OF BABY HE’S THAT FAR GONE!

yeah it painfully didn’t go unnoticed - fuck youuuuuuuu(lovingly)

i do be recycling scenes 🤪

the way he can still have that domesticity if he just pulled his head out of his ass, smdh

like carmen please it is not that hard just be honest with yourself for once!

listen when she cut her hand i was so excited because ✨oooooh he’s gonna bandage her up✨ and the absolute sass is making it 1000x better. their banter gives me life lol

these two are actually so tired of each other its amazing they’re still in love

she just like me fr

same and i don’t like to be yelled at but i’d set that aversion aside so quickly for chef carmy

he is so stupid it pains me, ITS BEEN YEARS MY BOY!!! he is such a self saboteur

he’s just like nah i’m not sure what love is/how it feels, but i don’t think envisioning a romantic future with my bestie poo where she has my kids is love…not one bit

the way he’s so capable of being what she deserves but puts an expiration date on it anyways - i want to slap him into next week

siri play self sabotage by maggie lindemann (wait this might be chapter six’s title 🤭)

(okay but wait these losers are actually so maggie lindemann coded)

omg it’s a date

not the besties going on a date!

going to draft willie into my war against carmy being a fucking numbnut

willie is definitely on the front lines of this war

i need him to shut the fuck up because i’m about to go full whore

the way i almost folded writing these lines like carmy…stop it (this isn’t the last time we see that dress either 🫣)

AGHHHHHT THINGS ARE GETTING LUKEWARM!!!! it’s still so bittersweet tho bc i know he’s going to go back to being a grade a asshole once she leaves new york. for how many times he’s acted like he’s changed he’s really giving her trust issues

the trust issues are immaculate with these two

i can’t even blame baby because i know i would let this man emotionally destroy me a thousand times over

right, like girly knows this might be the only chance they get and she’s taking it. and so would i like please destroy me emotionally unavailable chef man

oh my god my brain is malfunctioning, i truly am in awe that this is your first time writing smut

i genuinely had no plans to add smut in this but then i was like…we all just wanna fuck carmen berzatto i’ll give the people what they want it also only seemed fair considering the emotional roller coaster this fic is

SAY IT AINT SO….. oh god the way my stomach dropped…

i really just need to give this girl a break…like it wasn’t bad enough i tried to kill her already?

SHUT UP THIS IS WHERE THE POLAROID SYD SAW CAME FROM?!!!!

i always have to give y’all the backstory to these Polaroids i’m obsessed with

miss ma’am you lied to me - things got more than lukewarm in this kitchen!!!! now they need to translate this energy into present day!!! god i’m breathing so heavy about this line alone.

i literally thought the smut was so tame, i apologize for being a chronic liar…it will definitely be translated into present day (distant futureish) and the spice will be spicin’. i promise these losers will get what they deserve with each other but first… ✨more angst ✨

interlude two | anyone who had a heart

masterlist | ↢ previous chapter | next chapter ↣ |

pairing: carmy x fem!reader | platonic!richie jerimovich x fem!reader | carmen berzatto x his delusions | carmen berzatto x self-sabotage | fem!reader x weakness for short slutty men with blue eyes | fem!reader x slutty gold chains | fem!reader x BEING FUCKING WEAK FOR SMARMY CARMY |

summary: the devastion of mikey's passing pushes baby into the arms of the man she loves the most.

warning(s): death | grief | funeral | refusal to grieve | denial | kinda delusional behavior | unhealthy coping mechanisms | angst | fluff | longing | mutual pining | idiots in love | love drunk carmy | probably ooc!carmy | wise willie | zero accuracy regarding new york | baby letting men pump and dump her | SMUT | P IN V | UNPROTECTED SEX | SOFT!DOM READER | VANILLA SEX | EMOTIONAL TENDER SEX |

wc: 17.3k

edited to the best of my abilities. if things don't make sense i apologize!

March 1, 2022

The rain rhythmically bounced off the umbrella in Richie’s hand. Both of you huddled under the slightly too-small object, the majority of your bodies dry, but each of you felt your fair share of rain land squarely on you. The child in front of you, dry as a desert, her small stature an advantage.

All that could be heard was nature's tears singing against the various umbrellas and the voice of the priest that seemed to just drone on and on.

Donna’s cry’s had been relegated to silent sobs just moments ago, you watched as Nat put her own hurt and discomfort aside to assuage Donna’s nerves.

You had all but ignored the empty seat situated next to Natalie, not wanting to believe the truth of the situation. As you stared at the coffin resting several feet in front of you, you couldn’t help but wonder what the cold lifeless body lying inside looked like. You knew there was only so much that could be done to make a body with a hole in its head presentable, and that a closed-casket funeral was for the best.

It was selfish, but you wanted one last look at Mikey. Did he look peaceful? Was he finally freed from the vices that had for so long controlled him? You so hoped that wherever he was, wherever his soul found its spiritual comforts he was at peace.

A tug on the sleeve of your coat drew your attention. Looking down your eyes met Eva's, the little girl insisted on standing with you, her small toddler hand securely wrapped in your adult one. It felt a little odd to be standing here like this, a buffer between a family that was no more, while also serving as the memory of one family’s missing piece.

She raised her arms in a signal to be picked up. Funerals were no place for children to be, but what good was lying to them about the realities of life? You gently lifted her into your arms sitting her on your hip comfortably. Eva’s small head rested against yours playing with the pearls around your neck, the small girl could only understand so much of what was going on around her.

You felt Tiff step closer to you, arm wrapping around your waist so she leaned into Eva’s back. The comfort of the small family surrounding you keeps you grounded to the moment in front of you, not allowing your mind to think of the pain Mikey must’ve been in, or the voicemail that had gone unchecked for the past week.

Funerals were a funny thing for you, the last one you attended was your mom’s. And it wasn’t a competition, but her death was easier. That’s the thing with terminal illness; death is inevitable. You would never be prepared for any death in your life, but it was a bit easier knowing your mom didn’t have a fighting chance. Her decision to leave this realm behind was harder, but knowing her passing was painless and of her own volition helped.

But Mikey’s death was different. It was sudden, unexpected, and messy and it wasn’t the death Michael deserved. But what made it all the worse for you is that he was utterly and terribly alone.

And it wasn’t like anyone wasn’t privy to his substance abuse, but none of you knew the depths to which it ate away at him, how it slowly killed him and he kept pushing on for the sake of others.

Maybe you should’ve asked him more about how he was doing when you interviewed him. Maybe you shouldn’t have sent him a portion of your article. Standing at the cemetery as the funeral continued, even with little Eva cuddling into you and Tiff and Richie surrounding you; you couldn’t help but let your mind wander to all the things you could’ve done to save Mikey from himself.

Eva was asleep against your chest as you made your way to the fresh grave, Tiff in front of you and Richie closely behind doing his best to cover your small group with the umbrella. The rain hadn’t let up as you raised your dirt-filled hand over the pristine casket, this didn’t feel right at all. You had yet to cry since Sugar called you days ago with the news, it felt as though you were numb to the truth. Maybe it was your mind's way of protecting you.

But as long as the casket remained closed, and you never got one last peek at the man who had taught you that you deserved more than what you settled for. You could pretend for just a little longer that none of this was real.

Releasing your grip on the dirt you watched as it splashed across the top of the casket mixing with the droplets of rain. You hesitated for a minute turning your back on this casket felt too final, like leaving this cemetery would be closing a door in your life you were desperate to keep open.

Richie’s free hand came up to your shoulder, a soft squeeze pressed into your jacket. You looked back at him the same hurt and pain you were feeling reflected on his face. He gave you a small nod as a way to let you know that it was okay to walk away, that he understood the hurt you were feeling.

As Tiff walked off to her car, you held Eva in one hand and allowed Richie to grip your other. The warm grasp of his hand gave you the strength to turn your back and walk away from a man whose love, charisma, and smile you would never be blessed to see or experience again.

March 12, 2022

Carmy sat on his lawn chair watching the rain splash against the window that led to his balcony, the funeral program rested lazily on his lap held in place by his pack of cigarettes and lighter. He didn’t realize it but this had been his routine since he learned of his brother's passing.

He would come home not even bothering to change out of his work clothes and plop down in the creaky lawn chair, usually on his balcony but recently the weather hadn’t been calm enough for that.

Light up a cigarette and just bask in his despair.

The only difference had been the program he received in the mail a week ago. The newly acquired folded paper joined his after-work routine for the day after being left on the island in his kitchen since receiving it. 

Carmy wasn’t sure if he was angry at Mikey for choosing death, or if he was more hurt by what they would never again be able to experience with each other. He felt like once again Mikey had left him behind, not thinking about the ways his actions would affect those around him, affect the people who loved him.

The decision to skip the funeral wasn’t as hard as most would have thought. What good would Carmy have to offer by being there, it's not like anyone needed him. And anyway, he couldn’t just drop everything happening here in New York for a day, life didn’t work that way for him. 

Carmy knew he didn’t hate Mikey, he just didn’t understand his choices recently. Didn’t necessarily understand how much the prescriptions had fucked with his mind. And maybe in a selfish way, he wasn’t ready to understand, to forgive Mikey for leaving him so soon. Nothing to even show for the loss of the person who inspired him most besides the funeral program as an ugly reminder of what he could never be again.

A soft knock rang through the quiet apartment, the man inside happy to ignore it, sure it was just one of his neighbors doing whatever weird shit they usually did. He removed a cigarette from his pack standing up and setting the program in the chair before grabbing his lighter and moving to open the window.

He heard it again, this time a bit louder and more urgent sounding. Carmy removed his phone from his pocket, the generic lock screen shining up at him with the time reading 2:30 am.

No one had ever shown up at his apartment this late, not even the woman across the way who periodically tried to charm Carmy all kinds of inconvenient times of the night. The knocking finally stopped as muffled voices carried through the hallway outside his door.

Carmy wouldn’t consider himself a nosy neighbor but he did find himself a bit curious who was knocking at his door at such an hour it alerted another tenant. Cigarette sitting between his lips he made his way to the door, ear leaned against it as he tried to catch bits and pieces of the conversation happening out there.

Having no such luck he resorted to checking the peephole to find his neighbor outside her door talking with a woman who appeared to be soaked to the bone. Carmy watched for a moment, he couldn’t place it but something about the unknown woman looked familiar to him. He continued watching his neighbor motioning for the woman to wait outside for a moment while she grabbed something from her apartment.

Carmy was ready to return to his initial smoke break but found himself stopping as the woman faced his door. Heart stopping as he took in features he would remember for a lifetime. He quickly moved to unlock his door, throwing it open only to surprise the ghost of a woman standing in his hallway.

You ceased your knocking as you heard a door opening behind you, turning to face a woman who appeared to be around the same age as you. From her appearance, it didn’t seem like you had woken her up so you were grateful for that fact.

“You’re making a mess in the hallway,” her eyes traveled over your form. Your figure sopping wet from the downpour you just escaped from.

A tired sigh left your lips, “Um, I’m sorry to bother you, but do you know the guy who lives here?” Your hand motioned to the door that was at your back that you had just been knocking on. 

“You a friend or something?” The skepticism in the woman’s voice irked you, it was a yes or no question there was no need for her to give you the third degree.

You nodded trying to keep your cool. You were tired, dripping wet, and you weren’t even sure if Carmy was home. “Yeah, something like that.”

She gave you another once over before shaking her head back and forth, “No I don’t, sorry.” She began to close her door before you called out to her one last time.

“Wait sorry, is there any way I could use your phone, mine is dead,” you presented your phone as evidence, you didn’t want to be in this woman’s presence any more than she wanted to put up with you, but you needed to at least call a cab.

The subtle roll of her eyes caused the grip on your phone to tighten, luckily though the woman gave you a gesture to wait there before returning to her apartment.

You let out a sigh of relief, head dropping as your thoughts raced. You had no idea what the hell was going through your mind when you booked the last-minute flight. Having found Carmen’s address written on a forgotten piece of paper lying in the kitchen of the Berzatto family home.

The excuse to Sugar was that you had to meet with a potential interviewee for an upcoming article and couldn’t reschedule. You had already been in Chicago for longer than you originally planned, so what was one impromptu plane ride to the east coast?

There was no sign that the woman you bothered was coming back anytime soon so you decided to cut your losses, you would find a pay phone or something to use. You turned around sending one last look at Carmy’s door, the feeling that this was all for nothing setting in.

You went to pick up your bag from the ground when the sounds of a door unlocking caught your attention, raising back up to your full height as you watched the door you were initially knocking on harshly swing open.

Separated by a threshold Carmen Berzatto stood in front of you clad in his disheveled chef whites looking just as exhausted as you felt. You promised yourself you wouldn’t cry if this trip did end up paying off, but after five years without him, five years of hurting and hoping you could no longer hold back all the emotions the man evoked within you.

Your trembling lips raised into a pathetic smile as your eyes took all of him in, “Hi Carmy.”

The water dripped off of you as you awkwardly stood in the entryway to Carmy’s apartment. You watched him rush around to tidy up his apartment, he hadn’t said a word to you yet just opened his door wider with the expectation that you would enter.

“Carm,” your trembling voice doing nothing to stop the scrambling of the man in front of you.

“Carmen.” The name left your lips a little louder this time, finally gaining the man’s attention, his entire being turning in your direction but eyes never meeting yours. “Uh, could I maybe take a shower?”

Carmy’s head nodded rapidly, staying glued to his spot for a moment before he signaled for you to follow him. As you walked through the apartment to his bedroom you couldn’t help but take in just how Carmy-like the living space was.

Lacking personal touch and like he was ready to flee at a moment's notice; the only commitment the man could make was being a chef apparently.

You stopped in front of the bathroom looking around his room before finally focusing on him. “I, do you think I could borrow some clothes?”

Again Carmy nodded the man acting as though his voice box wasn’t working. You watched him move around his room wondering if he’d ever award you any form of attention or verbal acknowledgment. He stopped for a minute eyes finally finding yours, “Go ahead and get cleaned up, I’ll leave these on the bed.”

Your eyes found the contents in his hand before it was your turn to nod and head into the bathroom. You started the shower searching for a towel and washcloth as you waited for the water to heat up. This whole trip could very well be a mistake, but there was no going back now, you were here, and you had already used your miles. 

Slipping out of your wet clothes felt like a struggle, the heavy fabric clinging to you like a second skin. You quickly stepped into the shower, not wanting any of the water to go to waste. The steaming water helped to relax you, all your worries about your visit being set aside as you basked in the warmth radiating around you.

After standing under the shower head and allowing the water to caress your skin, you reached for the products Carmy had lined up in his shower. The shower gel is the same brand you used all those years ago on Christmas. Looking at the bottle in your hands you couldn’t help but think of all the ways in which Carmy wronged you, why you had allowed him to constantly hurt you, a fact you still couldn’t figure out.

And you couldn’t stand here in his shower glaring at a bottle the whole time you were here either. You took your time lathering your body allowing the calming aroma of lavender to invade your senses. Finishing you returned everything to its proper spot before rinsing your body and shutting the shower off.

Stepping out you wrapped the large fluffy towel around your body not chancing a glance at your reflection as you exited the bathroom. The door to the bedroom was closed and the clothes you saw in Carmy’s hands earlier sat in a neat pile on the bed. You perused the selection of a clean pair of boxer shorts, one of his many crew necks and a pair of socks were laid out for you.

The deja vu the last few sequences of events had given you hadn’t gone unnoticed. 

You would have to forgo a bra but you’d been in much more uncomfortable positions with Carmy than this. Dressing you made your way to the door, stopping for a moment to allow yourself a deep breath, you couldn’t be sure what you would be walking into. Along with the fact that you were in a city you had never been in and your return flight wasn’t for two more days, Carmy was your only option. 

The warmth in the apartment slapped you in the face as you left Carmy’s room, the heater had been turned on. You followed the trail you had first taken finding your way to the living room that doubled as a kitchen.

“Sit,” you were almost ready to argue with Carmy’s demanding tone, but the food situated on the island counter stopped you.

You made your way to the lone stool taking a seat, trying not to marvel at the food in front of you. Carmy’s water bill would be high for the month, you had apparently been in the shower long enough for a dinner of grilled cheese and tomato soup to be made. Carmy still hard at work making something on the stovetop sans his chef jacket.

Eyeing the food in front of you, you couldn’t help the way your mouth watered. You greedily picked up a slice of the grilled cheese and dipped it into the hearty soup, The sigh of appreciation not going unnoticed by the chef a few feet away from you, a small smirk gracing his lips at the quiet sound you let out.

“Good?” The question caught you off guard, mouth still full, swallowing the bite in your mouth you set the rest of the sandwich down, eyes zeroing in on Carmy’s biceps that were put on full display by his form-fitting white shirt. 

“I’ve had better.” Carmy caught your shrug as he placed a steaming mug next to the rest of your food, doing his best not to outright smile at your stubborn attitude. He moved to lean his back against the sink, arms crossed over his chest as he studied you.

“Fuck Carmy,” the sigh left your lips reluctantly. “It’s actually fucking great.” So enthralled with the food set in front of you, you missed the pink blush that dusted across Carmy’s cheeks. The heat in the apartment almost felt like too much as the lewd words left your lips.

“Ahem, I uh, I’m gonna get cleaned up. Make yourself comfortable,” Carmy watched as you waved him off, the food you were eating stealing all of your attention.

Carmy watched you for a moment longer, still shocked that your physical presence was here in his apartment. He wasn’t sure what prompted this visit, or if he even deserved your attention after all the immature shit he had pulled. But he was thankful to see you doing well, to see you looking as though you belonged with him in his bland apartment the clothes comfortably sitting on your body providing him with a feeling of domesticity he was one day hoping to have with you.

The mug of hot chocolate in your hands helped to send warmth through your body. You were still sitting at the stool not sure what to do as Carmy freshened himself up. Now that you weren’t shivering cold and rushing through the apartment you could finally take in the less than cozy abode. 

It wasn’t much but you were sure it was enough for Carmy, taking a few sips of your drink you began ambling around the apartment, mug still gripped in your hands, a tether to reality. The living room wasn’t messy but more so what you would describe as Carmy’s version of organized clutter.

A small couch and television helped to offer a homey feeling. The out-of-place lawn chair caught your eye, and the corner of your lips quirked up at how fucking Carmy it was. You made your way to the window it was sitting in front of, the New York skyline at this time of the day still a sight to see. The rain gliding down the window felt like it matched the steady pace of your heartbeat.

Turning to the lawn chair the contents in the seat grabbed your attention. Leaning over you picked up the unassuming paper, a jolt of sadness rushing through you as you read over the program. The funeral a week ago is still stuck in the back of your mind, the closed sleek black casket haunting your eyelids every night.

You quickly replaced the program in its original spot. You had come here intending to confront Carmy about his absence, but the more you stood in his apartment, the more you realized you weren’t actually ready to hear Carmy’s truth.

48 hours was all you had here, if you decided to use it as an escape, so be it. You would have to return to the reality that Mikey was dead sooner than later. You were allowed to let yourself use the time spent here as an escape from reality. You could use your time here to reprimand Carmy for his life decisions, or you could use the borrowed time to relish in finally seeing him after five years and try to figure out the back and forth the two of you have been participating in for a majority of your lives.

Mikey would understand, he wanted you to be happy, so it was okay to pretend for a little while that he’d be waiting there in Chicago when you got back right?

You made your way back to the kitchenette needing a distraction from the very thoughts you were running away from. You finished off your hot cocoa before grabbing your remaining dishes and heading to the sink. Washing dishes was the first distraction you could think of. 

As you made your way to the sink the sound of a door opening and feet padding across the floor could be heard. Quickly turning on the faucet you reached for the dish rag sitting in the sink, a sharp gasp escaping your lips at the pain that shot through the base of your palm, the running water easily turning a translucent pink color.

Snatching your hand back you spotted the blade of a knife that was covered in drops of your blood and haphazardly hidden under the dish rag. Your good hand reached to move the dish rag and grab the offending object. 

Finally getting a good grip on the knife, you were shocked at the familiarity of it, the personal initials carved into the handle proving your theory. The last time you laid eyes on these they were neatly tucked away into a luxurious gift box that Carmy discarded just as easily as he discarded you the morning after Christmas. 

And you thought they had been left in the same spot all these years, collecting dust in his childhood bedroom. But as you held a knife from the set in your hand, and your eyes moved to the remaining set delicately placed on the counter not too far away, you realized that to be nowhere near the truth. 

“Yo, what the fuck Baby,” your attention turned to Carmy’s voice behind you his figure clad in a pair of sweats and a white tank top. That stupid fucking gold chain that you had dreamed of taking between your teeth one too many times glistened against the firmness of his chest.

The delicate grip on your injured hand tore your eyes from the sinful chain. Carmy’s eyes raised your hand to his face examining the seriousness of the wound, “What happened?” 

“Cut myself,” you raised the knife in your hand to show him, watching as his eye darted between you and the tool he took so much pride in owning.

“What the fuck did you do that for?” Carmen Berzatto’s attitude would never cease to surprise you.

You scoffed quickly snatching your hand from his grip, and walking to grab the dish towel hanging from his oven, “I didn’t do it on purpose you fucking idiot.” 

Carmy began rummaging around in his cabinets his search not continuing for too long before he made his way over to you, first aid kit in his grasp. You were honestly surprised he owned one sure he’d rather bask in his pain than take care of himself.

Your good hand shot out aiming to grab the first aid kit from his hands. The slight slap to your hand caused your mouth to drop open, who the hell did he think he was?

“Give me the kit Carmen.” You watched as his eyes met yours, the once blank expression on his face morphing into a frown. 

“Don’t say my name like that,” you rolled your eyes before reaching out once again, only to receive the same result. “Just let me help you. Why are you being so fucking stubborn!”

You raised your eyebrows not expecting Carmy to yell at you. Your hand reluctantly came up between the two of you so he could bandage it up. It was official that you were weak for this man, the demanding tone in his voice shooting straight through you. 

The two of you sat in silence as Carmy cleaned the cut, the consensus was that you didn’t need stitches so the ointment and bandages Carmy had would do. You watched as he worked, hands delicately mending your wound he was so focused on.

When he finished you lowered your hand watching as he cleaned up before you made your exit to the living room, sitting on one side of the couch. Your back was to the kitchen as Carmy finished tidying up, the only sign he followed you out was him walking around the couch in your peripheral.

He joined you on the couch choosing the safe option and sitting directly across from you, the space speaks volumes. You brought your legs up to your chest, if this was a month ago you probably would have let all your hurt and anger guide you in this moment. 

But as life taught you, the universe was eager to snatch away people you thought you had forever with. 

It was silent for a little longer, the both of you avoiding eye contact. You finally turned to face him wanting to understand the choices he made regarding the situation between you two.

“Carmy?” You rested your chin atop your knees as he finally provided you with his full attention, “Did I do something wrong?”

His eyebrows raised, whether, from shock or surprise, you couldn’t be sure. You watched as his eyes darted across the room like he was looking for an anchor. You weren’t too sure who adult Carmy was, because the boy you used to know easily held conversations with you, even the tough ones. 

“I just…I want to understand you, Carmy. And I want to know why I’m not good enough for you,” as soon as those words left your lips it was like you were looking at 18-year-old Carmy again. “I thou-we seemed to be in a good place after Christmas dinner, but then I woke up alone and…and it felt like we were back at square one like you ghosted me all over again.”

You were staring directly into Carmy’s eyes, it was hard but it needed to be done. You needed him to see, to understand how much his actions continued hurting you. 

His hand raised in a gesture you had seen too many times to count, fingers running through his hair. If he didn’t want to have this conversation you couldn’t force him to, but you also wouldn’t keep allowing him to run in and out of your life when it was convenient for him. The two of you were friends once, and you weren’t going to allow him to continue exploiting the love you had for him.

Your arms wrapped around your propped-up legs, a security blanket for the words you were about to force out. “You can be honest with me, Carmy. If you told me you wanted nothing to do with me I’d be on the next flight out of here.” You waited for anything, a sigh, words, but all you got was his steel blue eyes staring you down in the space across from you. 

A sardonic chuckle escaped your lips as you quickly wiped the tears racing down your cheeks. Head falling back to stare at the ceiling as a way to not allow Carmy to see your tears, before calming yourself down enough to meet his gaze head-on.

“I can’t be the only one that wants more for us Carmy.” You could see the light reflecting off the glazed film in his eyes. “And I don’t think I am. But you’re inconsistent with your feelings, and I know it’s wrong of me to spring this on you considering the circumstances…but I just need honesty Carmy, that’s all.”

You said your peace, but you weren’t sure what else you could say to try to make him understand and maybe that was the problem, maybe he didn’t want to understand. You leaned into the couch cushion for comfort. The distance stretching between you was nowhere near as hurtful as the silence.

The fatigue from your flight was beginning to set in, you rushed everything to make it here that you hadn’t realized how much of a toll it took on you. 

Carmy watched you from his side of the couch, arms crossed against his chest. There was so much he wanted to say to you but didn’t know how. He knew you deserved the truth, but it had never before been asked of him in this context. He was scared of the fact that he wanted more with you; it  frightened him.

The idea he had of the two of you in his head was intoxicating and unnerving all at once. He could admit to himself that he dreamed of a life with you, and found himself lost in thought too many times to count about what it would be like to come home after a long shift to you there waiting for him.

Carmen was intoxicated by the idea of spending the rest of his life with you, a continuous beacon in your life that surpassed the title of friend and edged into something more. But he was unnerved as well because he wasn’t sure if this was love or infatuation.

Loving you unnerved Carmy, firstly because he wasn’t sure how he would know he was in love with you or not. And secondly, he didn’t know how to love you and wasn’t sure if he was capable of it. If there was one thing Carmy knew it was that you were deserving of a life-altering love, a love that transcended lifetimes if possible.

But he was almost positive he couldn’t be that person for you, he wasn’t deserving of you.

“I uh, I tried calling you,” Carmy stopped to collect himself, he wanted to talk to you, to let you understand him like you once did. “You changed your number. And that’s not an excuse. I understood why. I just…I guess I took it as a sign that there was nothing left for us.”

His eyes met yours searching for any sort of reaction, any form of acknowledgment. Your puffy eyes and tear-stained face stared back at him, his heart clenching in his chest at the emotional distress he constantly put you through.

“I um,” a placating smile raised to Carmy’s lips as he fumbled with his fingers as a distraction. “I can’t-Baby I-we both know I can’t give you what you deserve.” Carmy did his best to play off the watery undertone in his voice, eyes quickly darting up to yours as he heard your sniffles.

Carmy watched as your head rapidly nodded up and down, a sad knowing smile stretching across your lips. The tightness in his chest increased tenfold, his hand coming up to press into the middle of his chest, hoping to alleviate the pain. 

“I um, I think I would like to go to sleep if that’s okay?” You raised your head to look at Carmy, you told him you would accept his rejection, but that didn’t mean that it wasn’t going to hurt. 

Carmy nodded getting up and walking towards you, holding his hand out to help you up. You allowed him to grasp your soft hand in his firm calloused one, head down as he led you to his bedroom. He motioned for you to sit down on his bed as he escaped into the bathroom, coming back a moment later with tissues in his hand.

You avoided his eyes as he bent down on his knees in front of you, gently using the collected tissue to dab at your puffy face. You couldn’t help the sorrowful laugh that escaped your lips, the scene reminded you of when the two of you were growing up and Carmy would always help clean your face after a good cry.

A tight smile formed on his lips as his eyes met yours, the two of you probably thinking of the same memories. He finished drying your face before returning to the bathroom to throw away the tissues. Carmy helped you up from the bed to pull down his comforter before allowing you to get in.

He watched as you scooted over to make room for him awaiting his entrance, “Uh lemme just tidy up out there.” Both of you knew it was an excuse but neither were brave enough to admit it. 

Carmy quickly left the room heading straight for the small duffle you had brought with you. He was sure the rain had soaked through your bag and wet your belongings. Making his way to the closet where his washer and dryer were located he easily fit your clothes into the wash, not wanting you to be stuck in his clothes for however long you were there.

He found your laptop bag in there as well, quickly removing it from its confines and drying it with a clean kitchen towel. Placing the laptop on his counter he made his way around the kitchenette to clean up the mess your blood made and finish off the dishes you hadn’t been able to wash. All of this was a distraction to the warm body he knew was waiting up for him in bed, he felt the urge to prolong the inevitable but realized he might never get this chance again.

Carmy quickly finished his clean of the front room, it wasn’t up to his usual standards but he could no longer deny himself the thing he wanted most in that moment; to wrap you up in his arms and hope he’d never have to let go.

Making sure all appliances were off and starting the washer, he quickly made his way back into his bedroom, closing the door as quietly as he could. He stood in the middle of the room for a minute, the figure peacefully lying in his bed not something he was used to. Carmy quietly crept over to the empty side of the bed lifting the covers and allowing himself to slide in.

Carmy knew you weren’t asleep and any other time he might’ve felt embarrassed to be so eager to be near you, but something about being in your presence felt right. Carmy made sure to scoot close to you, arm moving to wrap around your midsection and bring you closer to him, the need to feel your body pressed against his barely being satisfied.

His face found its way to the crook of your neck, taking a deep breath, the lavender scent he loved so much dancing across his senses. The sigh you let out into the night was a sign that you both wanted this just as much.

Carmy moved his head up a few inches, lips brushing against the ‘B’ hidden behind your ear. There wasn’t a day he didn’t think about the hidden ink stain or the words you said to him when he first found it.

Pressing one more soft kiss against the inkblot Carmy felt as you relaxed into him. Your warm body in his arms once more provided a feeling of bliss he wasn’t aware he needed.

You both knew the position you were in and the soft caress of Carmy’s lips against your skin, was a direct contradiction of the claims he made earlier. But neither of you would be the voice of reason in these 48 hours you had together.

Whatever happened between the two of you during this time would be welcomed with open arms. You and Carmy were on borrowed time, there would be time for regrets later, but as Carmy held you in his arms he decided that he would try to give you pieces of himself that no one had ever seen; even if it would all end in hours. 

“Sweet dreams Baby.” 

Carmy looked most at peace while sleeping, the stress and exhaustion seemed to have melted off of him as his mind transported him to the land of dreams.

You had been awake for some time now, Carmy’s presence helpful enough to allow you a few peaceful hours of sleep. But the inevitable thoughts of a life lost would always haunt you through the night. So here you were watching the slight rise and fall of Carmy’s chest, his lips parted slightly. He looked adorable like this but you felt a little weird just watching someone sleep. 

Your hand raised gently moving the waves out of Carmy’s face, leaning in slightly to press a delicate kiss on his forehead before quietly making your way out of the bed. It was a little tricky to open the door without waking Carmy but you had managed.

Leaving the hallway that led to Carmy’s room you entered the living room, searching for the duffle you brought with you. Only to find it open on the floor, your toiletry bag the only item that remained in the bottom of the bag. Confusion swept across your face as you tried to figure out where the rest of your belongings were.

Looking around the living area you spotted your laptop resting on the counter, your laptop bag sitting on a towel next to it. You would figure things out later. The first thing you wanted to do right now was to brush your teeth.

You quickly tip-toed back into Carmy’s room and the bathroom quietly shutting the door behind you and beginning your morning routine. Now refreshed you exited the bathroom, a small smile gracing your lips as you took in Carmy’s still-sleeping figure. 

Perusing the fridge and pantry you found a lack of any edible food. The few things available allowed you to whip up some French toast. You were no chef and maybe you should’ve left the cooking to Carmy but you were hoping this could be an olive branch for the two of you. If Carmy didn’t want to be with you romantically, maybe the two of you could work on mending your friendship.

Carmy woke up to an empty bed, his first thoughts that you had escaped in the night, his heart clenching a bit at the thought. He couldn’t be mad he pulled the same stunt on you, turning to lay on his back he stared at his ceiling, mind racing as he thought about the conversation from yesterday. 

Carmy knew he wanted to be happy, and he also knew he wanted that with you. He just didn’t know the first thing about romantic love or how to explicitly make his wants clear to you. It seemed as though he’d never get that chance, you were serious about catching the next flight out. 

Sitting up in bed he looked around, trying to gain his bearings. The sound of his bedroom door opening jolted him from his thoughts. He watched as you walked in with two plates in your hands, the smell of French toast invading his senses. His eyes found yours as you stopped in the doorway a small shy smile sent in his direction.

“I made us breakfast,” Carmy watched you make your way towards him, taking a plate off your hands as you sat on the bed in front of him. “I hope you don’t mind French toast, you uh didn’t have much to work with.” 

Carmy’s eyes subtly lit up at the fact that you were still there, that you hadn’t left. “No, yeah this is great, you uh, used cinnamon and everything.” The shy teasing smile on Carmy’s face caused a small chuckle to bubble out of you.

The two of you ate in silence for the most part, each of you stealing glances at one another while the other wasn’t paying attention. Shy smiles sent each other’s way when one of you would catch the other’s eye. 

You watched as Carmy took the plate from your hands and made his way to the door, you sat there for a moment watching him walk away before getting up and following behind him. You silently took a seat on the stool at the counter watching as Carmy began cleaning the remaining breakfast dishes.

The stretch of his back muscles under the tank top he was wearing was a sight to see. It surprised you a bit how toned Carmy was considering he lived and breathed being a chef, you didn’t expect him to have free time to worry about his physique. 

You waited as Carmy finished sending him a small smile as he finally faced you. He made his way to you, the two of you separated by the counter, his forearms resting on the counter accentuated his toned biceps.

“I actually need to go to the farmer’s market today,” you waited to see if there was anything more he had to say but the silence drew on.

“Oh, I can stay here, I have work to finish.” You gestured your hand to the laptop not far from the two of you, trying not to let your disappointment show.

“Did you maybe wanna join me,” Carmy waited for your response, eyes darting around your face hoping you would say yes.

“Do you…want me to join you?” You could laugh, the two of you sitting here beating around the bush like two teenagers. 

You waited as you took in Carmy’s shy demeanor, the blush rising from his neck, you were tempted to point it out but didn’t want him to close himself off like you were used to. 

“I want you to come with me to the farmers market.” Carmy made sure to look you in the eyes as the words left his mouth, sure that he was red in the face but wanting you to know how much he wanted to spend time with you. 

The two of you stared at each other for a while, the toothy grin on your face mirroring the his smaller one. The small nod of your head was everything Carmy needed to see for his heartbeat to calm down. He watched as you giddily got up from your seat presumably to get ready.

“Oh um did you do something with my clothes?” The smile didn’t seem to be leaving your face anytime soon.

Carmy cleared his throat hand raising to scratch the back of his neck, “Yeah I, uh I washed them, they’re in my closet.” 

You couldn’t deny that those words made your heart pick up speed a bit, the idea of feeling giddy that your clothes were in Carmy’s closet was a bit childish, but you would take what you could get at this point. 

“Oh, okay I’ll just go get ready then.” Your hand gestured to the room behind you.

“Yeah,” Carmy couldn’t help but marvel at the idea of you getting ready in his apartment, it was almost like he could pretend this was his reality.

“Yeah,” you didn’t know why you were acting like a love-struck teenager but Carmy just brought it out of you.

“Okay,” Carmy nodded his head signaling you to take your leave.

“Oka-.”

“Baby just go get fucking ready.” A huff of laughter escaped Carmy at the way you were acting.

Carmy stood by the counter watching as you ran off to prepare yourself for the day. He couldn’t stop the smile from gracing his lips as he listened to your melodic laughter sing through the emptiness of his apartment.

You had split from Carmy a few booths back, the two of you deciding it was for the best. Your constant wandering off to booths that intrigued you put Carmy in a panic when he would look to see you no longer at his side. 

It was your first time in New York and you were just happy to take in this small portion of what the city had to offer. The farmer’s market here was similar to the ones you’d been to back home, though the weather would take some getting used to, not like you needed to. You’d be back in Chicago before you knew it. 

You found a small flea market-type area towards the back of the farmers market. Vendors gathered around selling handmade items and keepsakes. A few minutes into your perusal of the area you found a vendor selling handmade clothing items. A pretty cami dress caught your eye that the vendor exclaimed you just had to have, and who were you to turn down a beautiful dress selling for a decent price in the streets of New York.

With the dress nicely tucked away into a paper bag gently swinging from your arm, you decided it was time to make your way back to the entrance of the farmers market and wait for Carmy. On your journey back you stopped at a vendor selling handmade leather goods, a particular leather wallet drawing your attention.

The familiarity of it caused you to let loose a shuddering breath, the small item reminded you of Mikey’s wallet. Although his was more used, worn in. Standing on this street and looking down at the pristine wallet in front of you was almost like looking at a replica.

You remembered asking him once why he chose to use the ratty old thing and the smart-ass response he had given you. The fact that an inanimate object that had no ties to Mikey was causing this sort of reaction inside you, felt too real, it felt like grief was prepared to sink its claws into you. 

And you couldn’t allow it, because you were in New York finally on somewhat good terms with Carmy. And Mikey would be waiting for your return to Chicago, eager to hear about your time with his little brother. 

“Would you like to buy it, miss?” Your eyes found the vendors, a forced smile tracing your lips.

You slowly shook your head feeling a little bad for turning down goods from a small business, you just didn’t need the wallet, especially not one that would remind you of him every day.

The walk back to the farmers market felt melancholy: the promise to yourself to compartmentalize Mikey and his situation was becoming harder the more time you spent alone. Your search for Carmy became more urgent the longer you couldn’t find him. The racing images of Mikey’s casket swirling with your recent moments spent in Carmy’s presence. 

You didn’t want to burden Carmy with the debilitating thoughts you were having, not wanting to ruin the good thing the two of you had going. Neither of you brought up the elephant in the room and it seemed like neither of you was going to. The both of you content to live in momentary bliss for the time you had together. 

It felt like you were spiraling and all because of some stupid too similar fucking wallet. You finally made your way to the entrance of the market hoping Carmy would know to look for you there.

Carmy gathered the ingredients necessary for the dinner he planned for tonight, luckily for him the restaurant was closed on Sundays so he could spend the day with you. 

He still wasn’t sure that any of this was real. You showing up outside his apartment at two in the morning, holding you as you slept, and now adventuring out to the market he frequented, it all felt like a dream.

There was one last stop Carmy needed to make before he met up with you. He made his way to the old flower vendor who was always the first one here to ensure he set up a show at the entrance. Carmy had his fair share of conversations with the man but had never actually bought any flowers off of him, but today was the day that changed. 

“Carmen is that you?” Carmy raised his head from the flowers he was glancing at, the old man sitting on the stool smiling his way.

“Yes sir. How you doing today Willie?” Carmy wasn’t much into friends or acquaintances since the two of you parted ways all those years ago, but Willie was a special case. Always kind, on Carmy’s first visit to this particular market the older man had explained to him the layout and gave him insider information about what times were best to come to ensure he got the freshest ingredients from each vendor. 

“You thinking about buying something today son?” The older man rose from his seated position plopping the paper he was reading in his place.

Carmy nodded eyes going back to the various flowers to choose from. This wasn’t Carmy, he had never done something like this, not willingly at least. But he knew flowers could symbolize different things, and have different meanings. And if he couldn’t figure out how to be straightforward and speak with you, maybe a hand-picked bouquet could solve that issue. 

“Looking for anything in particular?” He glanced at Willie, a slight frown marring his face, he genuinely had no idea.

Carmy chuckled, hand raising to scratch the nape of his neck, “I’m not sure Willie.” He felt a little embarrassed. How was he to translate his feelings to you through horticulture if he knew nothing about flowers and their meanings.

“Well help me out boy, tell me who they’re for an maybe I can whip something up for you.” It was like perfect timing as Carmy heard your voice trickling into his ears. You were standing on the other side of the entrance phone to your ear as you spoke to somebody, a look of exhaustion on your features.

Carmy’s eyes caught yours as you glanced in his direction, he watched that beautiful smile appear as you quickly ended the call with whoever you were talking to, smile mirroring yours as you two stared at each other across the distance. Your hand raised in a shy wave smile growing wider as Carmy reciprocated the gesture. 

“Now Carmen, why didn’t you tell me these were for your old lady,” Carmy’s head shot around to find Willie smirking at him from his side of the booth. “Is that the young lady in that picture you keep in your wallet?” 

Carmy watched frozen, as Willie moved around his booth, trying his best to figure out when the older man had ever caught a glance at the picture of you two. “Uh, she’s just a friend sir.” 

“Listen, boy, you can lie to yourself, but you can’t lie to me. And I know you betta not be lying to that pretty girl over there.” The flowers in Willie’s hand were used to point in your direction. 

“I saw the way she looked at you just now son, that girl is in love,” Carmy listened as Willie began constructing the bouquet, ears tuned to what the man was saying. 

“I’ll give it to you straight boy, you’re gonna regret every chance you didn’t take with that young lady. Now I don’t know the situation between you two, but what I do know is that you look at that girl like she invented oxygen, I know because that’s how I looked at my Debbie.” Carmy was raptly intrigued with Willie’s words, watching the sad smile take over his lips as he mentioned his recently deceased wife.

“And from our interactions you don’t seem to me like the type to let rare opportunities pass you by,” the bouquet seemed to be pretty much finished, the older man just putting the final touches. “Now you give that pretty young lady this here bouquet, you make her a nice dinner like I’m sure you planned. And you let her know how much you appreciate her.” 

Carmy nodded his head rapidly trying to take in everything the older man said. His breath hitched in his throat as he watched Willie wave you over to them.

“Excuse me miss? Why don’t you come on over here and join us.” Carmy could feel the panic rising within him.

“N- Willie No don-.”

“Hush up boy and introduce me to your lovely girl.” You stopped next to Carmy eyes widening as you took in the unknown man's words. 

You looked at Carmy as he brought his hand up to swipe across his mouth, a tight-lipped smile lining his lips afterwards.

“Hi sweetie I’m Willie Carmen’s only friend in this city,” you laughed as the man winked at you before holding his hand out listening as you introduced yourself. 

“It’s nice to meet you Willie, you have some beautiful flowers, do you harvest them yourself?” The man in front of you waved off the compliment with a serene smile on his face.

“My wife and I started selling at this market 20 years ago. This is my first year without her.” The smile on your lips faltered as you offered your condolences.

“Now I don’t wanna keep you too long, but this bouquet here is for you to miss.” You looked at Carmy before your eyes found Willie’s again, your cheeks warming at what the man was insinuating. 

“Oh um, thank you so much. How much do I owe you?” Your wallet was out and ready in your hand, Carmy’s hand shooting out to stop you as he thrust money forward. 

“Y’all put that money away now,” Willie shook his head scoffing at the idea of either of you paying.

He held out the bouquet in your direction, the smile lining his face urged you to take it. You couldn’t help but marvel at the beautiful bouquet, the colorful assortment helping to ease the foreboding feeling you had earlier. 

“Our friend Carmen here chose each of those flowers,” you looked in Carmy’s direction, the blush on his face so endearing to you. “I went on ahead and tucked a card in there with their meanings. You two make a fine pair, don’t let life get in the way of the love you share, you hear me?”

You nodded avoiding Carmy’s eyes like your life depended on it, easily listening to the wisdom Willie was bestowing upon the two of you. 

“The world is kind but she is also cruel. She will take away the things we love even if we’re not ready to part with them. Love each other loudly and with no regrets, it's always good to see young love prosper.”  The sad look in Willie’s eyes pulled at your heartstrings, you stood there wondering if he had any regrets. 

The clearing of Carmy’s throat finally drew your attention from the wise older man in front of you. “Thank you Willie really, but we should be heading home.” 

Willie nodded a pleasant smile on his lips, “Damn right! The two of you holdin up my business.” The older man shooed the two of you off a chuckle followed his gesture. 

“It was nice meeting you Willie, thank you again for the beautiful bouquet.” You sent him one last wave before you and Carmy moved away from the booth.

“It’s a gorgeous bouquet Carmy,” you glanced over the flowers before your eyes locked with Carmy’s, a loving smile splitting your face. 

Carmy smiled, unconsciously reaching out to move a stray piece of hair from your eyes, hurriedly dropping his hand and clearing his throat. “Let’s get them home and into some water yeah?” Carmy’s eyes darted around doing his best not to stare at you for too long.

You looked down trying to hide your smile, the word ‘home’ filled you with warmth. Your hand reached out to intertwine his with your own, avoiding Carmy’s eyes as they finally focused on you, “Lead the way.”

The gentle squeeze of your hand in Carmy’s made you smile, the two of you making your way back to his apartment. Neither of you mentioned holding hands as you journeyed home, just like neither of you said anything as you melted into his safe embrace on the subway ride.

The two of you entered the small apartment, your laughs filtering through the hallway and into the entranceway. A run-in with Carmy’s neighbor across the hall was responsible for the now-dying laughter between the two of you.

“Is she always like that?” You stopped allowing Carmy to help you out of your jacket before he hung it up. You turned to him, taking the bags out of his hand as you made your way to the kitchen. Setting them on the counter before searching for something to hold your flowers. 

Carmy followed behind you after removing his own coat, hands falling to your waist as he moved around you to unload the few groceries he had gotten for tonight. “She uh, airdropped me a nude once, so right now was pretty tame I guess.” 

Your headshot to Carmy’s everything in you holding back the laugh that was desperately trying to escape. “Poor girl. Did you send one back?” You nudged your elbow into his watching as the blush on his cheeks deepened.

He maneuvered around you trying to ignore your teasing, “God no, we uh went out for drinks once, it was cool.” 

The crumbs he was giving you surprised you, “And nothing like came out of that?”

“I dunno was something supposed to?” Carmy made sure not to give you direct attention, mortified that he was even having this conversation with you in his kitchen.

“Well did you want it to?” You didn’t know why you had latched onto this topic of conversation so hard, it reminded you of the times Carmy would ramble to you about Claire. And if you were just spending the weekend with a friend wasn’t this the type of conversation you should be engaging in? 

Carmy turned to you as you finally found a glass big enough to support the bouquet, he watched as you filled the glass with water before trimming the stems. “Not with her, no.”

You looked up to see Carmy finally looking at you with a serious expression painting his flushed face. You couldn’t help it as your eyes dropped to his lips, clocking the subtle peak of his tongue poking out as he wet his lips. 

Carmy made his way towards you, Willie's words from earlier bouncing around in his head. He pulled the flower from your hand and placed it in the large glass he wasn’t even aware he had. He cleared his throat hoping he had enough confidence to get these words out.

“I’m gonna start on dinner, and you’re gonna go get ready,” his hand came up to hold the left side of your jaw, finger finding the spot behind your ear he always took special care to remember. “I want you to put on that pretty little dress you were gushing about on the way home.” Carmy stopped watching as you nodded your head showing that you were paying attention.

“Can you do that for me?” His eyes traced your face looking for any signs that you were uncomfortable.

Your lidded eyes lazily blinked up at him a quiet ‘yes’ escaped through your parted lips. A small smile rested on Carmy’s lips as he leaned in to plant a delicate kiss on your forehead, lips lingering for a moment too long.

He reluctantly removed himself from you waiting for you to scurry off. Surprised when you took a step closer to him and leaned in, a gentle press of your lips connecting to the corner of his. Carmy watched as you pulled away and smiled at him before taking your leave.

Carmy stood in his kitchen for a minute, heart racing as he realized what he had just done. The only place Carmy had ever been in control was in the kitchen, so maybe that’s why it was so easy for him to take control in that moment, well that and Willie’s lecture.

He was sure it would never happen again as he began preparing the ingredients for the lasagna he planned to make for the two of you. 

You and Carmy had switched places a few minutes ago after he walked in on you wrapped in a towel and profusely apologized  for almost a whole minute. You easily slipped into your dress while Carmy was in the shower. 

As you walked into the living room you could smell the delicious aroma of the cuisine Carmy prepared for the two of you. You were glad to be out of Carmy’s presence for the time being, your brain doing its best to process the moment the two of you had shared in the kitchen. 

The cold shower you took did nothing to calm down the feelings swirling around inside you. You had never seen Carmy so in control of anything in his life, the demanding tone he used with you earlier almost had you making a fool of yourself right there in his kitchen. 

A constant beep coming from the oven drew your attention, you quickly made your way to the kitchen grabbing a towel to remove the hot dish from its place resting in the oven. You couldn’t help but marvel at the pretty lasagna in your hands. It was a bit weird to describe food as pretty, but the presentation was generally pleasing to the eyes.

You walked to the countertop to set the dish down, turning to search through the kitchen for plates and utensils. Having a slightly hard time as you had no idea where anything was located at.

“Baby?” The sound of Carmy’s voice startled you, not having heard him make his approach. 

You turned in his direction, a light laugh leaving your lips. It was a bit comical, the two of you dressed nicely, feet bare in his New York apartment. You took in his appearance biting your lip as you spotted his chain that encouraged you to do sinful things. He was dressed in probably the only slacks he owned, the ankles cuffed since he wasn’t wearing shoes. The deep green crew neck hugging his body was similar in color to the dress you were wearing, the unexpected matching caused another laugh to leave your lips. 

The box in his hand finally caught your attention, it appeared to be a present of some sort. You pointed at it with the random spoon you had picked up while searching for cutlery. 

“What’s that?” You furrowed your brows as you watched Carmy revert to his usual shy self. 

He held the gift out to you, “Go ahead, open it.” Your hand brushed his as you took the box from his hold feeling a bit giddy at the unsolicited gift.

Carmy held his breath as he watched you open a five-year-old gift in his kitchen. You looked beautiful and he wanted to tell you but couldn’t seem to force the words out too enthralled with the intimate atmosphere that had been surrounding the two of you since earlier in the kitchen. 

Carmy was a fool for leaving you the morning after Christmas and knowing that he let Mikey down when it came to you haunted him. He was glad to have these days with you, it wasn’t healthy but the two of you were providing a distraction for each other. 

“Carmy oh my goodness,” the gasp of your breath brought Carmy back to reality. His cheeks warmed at seeing you so happy. “How much did this even cost you, these things are like relics.” Your eyes flashed to the smile on your face seeming to brighten up the kitchen.

“It doesn’t matter, I bought this for Christmas and just…I never sent it.” He was prepared for you to scold him for his stupidity, tell him you didn’t care for the gift, and that you couldn’t play pretend with him anymore. 

The press of your warm body against his surprised him, quickly wrapping his arms around your waist. Holding onto you so tightly scared that if he let you go then you would disappear and he’d realize this weekend was just a dream.

“I love it Carmy really, thank you.” Your arms were still wrapped around his neck as the two of you gazed into each other's eyes. 

“Can I,” Carmy paused a laugh escaping his lips at the similarities between this moment and a past one you shared. “Can I kiss you?” 

You wasted no time before you leaned forward pressing a sweet kiss into his lips lingering for a moment to translate the love you felt for him. Carmy’s hand moved up to your jaw, keeping you locked in place against him, his tongue slipping out to caress your bottom lip.

You slowly opened your mouth allowing him in, the softness of his tongue exploring the warmth of your mouth. The kiss was slow, sensual, all the pent-up emotions being shared between the two of you. 

The rhythm Carmy set was easy for you to follow along with, you took the chance to suck on his tongue a bit, losing yourself in the feelings this one kiss was bringing forth.

You parted from Carmy reluctantly, a small smile raised to your lips as you watched him chase you for more. A soft moan escaped you as he began decorating kisses down your jaw and to your neck, tilting your head back to allow him better access, surprise painting your features as he raised you to sit on his counter. 

Carmy continued to study you with his lips, tracing down your pulse point and across your collarbone. It would never be enough for him, he would never be able to satisfy his hunger for you no matter how much of your skin his lips could paint. 

The soft whimpers snatched from your lips going straight to his groin, his hips unconsciously canting against your leg that was in perfect alignment. 

“Touch me Carmy…please,” Carmy swore he could cum from the sound of your begging alone.

But he stopped his ministrations, the realization that he had no idea what he was doing hitting him like a ton of bricks. 

You watched as Carmy pulled away from you chest rapidly puffing up and down as the confusion swept across your face. “Carmy?” Your voice trailed off you couldn’t help the hurt you were feeling, here you were sitting atop Carmy’s kitchen counter dress hiked up to your waist the lacy underwear you had chosen to wear in full view, the straps of your dress pulled down precariously low that the top of your areolas was peeking out. 

You quickly adjusted the top of your dress before hopping off the counter and pulling down the hem. Eyes filling with tears as you were brought back to prom night, memories re-playing all the hurt that came after it. 

Carmy’s head shot up from its place in his hands the tears in your waterline and the way you had shrunken into yourself making him feel like a complete fucking asshole.

“Shit no Baby…I-Fuck!” Carmy watched as you jolted a little at the shout of his voice, he was fucking this up more than it already was.

“Hey, hey,” he closed the distance between the two of you, raising his hands to your jaw and forcing you to look at him. “Baby, I-I’m sorry it's just…I don’t,” Carmy took a deep breath trying to gain his bearings. “I’ve never done this stuff before.” 

Carmy’s eyes followed the emotions crossing your face, a frown painting your face before your eyes widened and your lips parted in the shape of an ‘o’. 

“Carmy…have you never been intimate with anyone before?” Carmy knew your question wasn’t teasing or malicious but he couldn’t help feeling embarrassed at having to admit this to you. 

“I uh, you were my first kiss…and my second kiss just now,” Carmy hung his head in shame, blush rising from his neck to stain his cheeks. 

“Oh my goodness I’m such an asshole,” Carmy looked up at you a chuckle escaping him at your declaration. Your hand reached out to rest against his cheek thumb caressing back and forth. “Carmy I thought you were rejecting me.” Now it was your turn to feel shameful, your first thoughts being selfish ones as opposed to waiting to hear Carmy’s explanation. 

Carmy’s hand came up to grip yours on his cheek, head turning to place a soft kiss on your pulse point. “Let’s sit and eat, yeah?” Carmy waited for your response, smiling at you as you nodded. “I wanna spend as much time together as we can.” 

You pulled him into a sweet kiss, his hands squeezing your waist at the feeling of being able to freely kiss you “I’d like that.” You pulled away the two of you sharing bright smiles as you moved to have the dinner Carmy had so lovingly planned out.

Neither of you pointed out the fact that things would be coming to an end for you two tomorrow, but you’d bask in this loving atmosphere for all the remaining time you two had together. 

You could feel soft lips pressing into the space behind your left ear, your first instinct was worry. Confused by the warm body pressed into you from behind strong arms gripping your waist as though you would disappear at a moment's notice. The memories of the last day with Carmy led you to relax.

A quiet sniffle finally woke you up enough, your eyes opening to the dimly lit room. A familiar head of hair tucked snuggly into your neck, and slight huffs of breaths could be heard.

“Carmy?” The raspiness of your morning voice echoed around the room, you could hear the breathing quiet down a bit, concern spiking in you. 

You began turning wanting to comfort the man you had been in love with for most of your life, it was a struggle as the arms around you tightened but you finally turned to your side Carmy burying his face in your t-shirt-clad chest.

“Carmy, honey,” the lack of response was beginning to worry you, you had shared your fair share of cries with Carmy throughout your friendship but considering the circumstances that brought you together this time around, you couldn’t help but freak out a bit. “Hey, hey look at me yeah?”

“I-I just need a minute please.” The crack of Carmy’s voice went straight to your heart. He maneuvered so the top of his body was laying on your chest and stomach, his lower body settling gently between your legs. 

You leaned forward pressing a lingering kiss to his head before lying back down and slowly stroking your fingers through his hair, wanting to make him as comfortable in this moment as you could. You were content to hold him all day if that’s what he needed.

The two of you laid like that for a while, Carmy’s breathing and sniffling calming down after a few minutes. You watched as Carmy propped himself up on his elbows, pressing a small kiss into the fabric of your shirt over your stomach, a small smile rising to your lips as you watched him.

“Talk to me, Carm?” You watched as he looked up to you, pretty blue eyes swollen from the tears he’d been shedding. 

Carmy moved up a little resting his cheek against your sternum arms wrapped tightly around you, “Uhh, Sug called, said Mikey left something for me.” 

It was quiet as you let his words sink in, a shuddering sigh leaving you as your hands unconsciously began running back through Carmy’s hair. 

You felt Carmy’s hand slip under the shirt of his you were borrowing, fingers gliding across the skin of your stomach lazily tracing circles. The small gesture helped to relax you a bit.

“Did she say anything else?” Your fingernails softly scratched into Carmy’s scalp, the two of you trying to touch each other as much as you possibly could.

Carmy’s chuckle drew your attention, “She uh, asked me to come home.”

Your nails stopped for a minute before you started up again, heart jumping a little in your chest at the idea of Carmy coming back to Chicago, “Are you…going to go home?” The hope in your voice borders on desperation.

Carmy was silent for a moment, hands moving to lift your shirt just underneath your breast before he placed his warm cheek back in its previous position. The news skin-on-skin contact sends chills through both of you. 

“Everything with Mikey kinda made me think about us.” Carmy’s thumb came up, to caress against your rib, dangerously close to your breast. “It just kind of puts into perspective that the people you care about can be here one day…and gone the next.”

The avoidance of your original question was not lost on you, but Carmy opening up may have been better than whatever argument the initial qualm might impose. 

“Baby I-,” you looked at Carmy as he adjusted his position one hand resting against your sternum, his chin plopping onto it. “I um.” He stopped, you followed his movements watching as his eyes closed and he took a deep breath.

“For a while, I’ve known that I feel something for you, but I-I don’t think I can give you what you want.” Your hand slipped from his hair to cup his cheek, hanging on to every word leaving his lips.

Carmy leaned into the palm of your hand, letting himself melt into your touch, cherishing the few moments he had left with you. “And I can’t promise any commitment after today.” The rapid beating of Carmy’s chest could be felt on your stomach, the crack in his voice raising a small smile to your lips. 

You sat up in bed. Carmy looked up at you as you held his chin in your hand, thumb softly tracing his lips as you committed his features to memory. The tiny scars marring his face, the few beauty marks dotted around, connecting them would create a new constellation you swore you’d remember forever. 

Carmy was honest with you, and that’s all you asked of him. Neither of you could promise each other a happy ending after you parted ways and while that hurt, it didn’t make sense to ruin the remaining time the two of you had left dwelling on the future.

“Carmen,” you waited for him to lock eyes with you, a sad smile spread across your features, tears you could no longer hold back coming forth. “I know.” 

Carmy’s lips pressed into your thumb before he gently cupped your neck and reached up so your lips connected. This was only the third kiss the two of you shared, but the intangible love and intimacy that could be felt through the single press of your lips would never dwindle, not for as long as the two of you surrounded yourself with each other.

He raised to his knees both hands entrapping your face, all his passion being poured into this one kiss. Carmy was slightly above you now, the angle forcing you to raise your head to stay connected. His thumb began unconsciously caressing the ‘B’ behind your left ear, a small part of you that had stuck with him ever since he discovered it five years ago.

The kiss intensified as you slipped your tongue between his lips, hands gripping onto his hips as he towered above you in this position. Your tongue moved languidly inside his mouth, small noises escaping the both of you.

Carmy pulled the hair at the nape of your neck, the motion removing your lips from his. “Did you mean what you said?” His breath left him in a huff.

“What?” You were slightly out of breath yourself, confused at what the hell Carmy was on about. 

“What you said about this,” his thumb swiped back and forth against the ‘B’ inked into your skin. “Would you take my last name?” 

You bit your lip, eyes lidded as you searched Carmy’s face, hand moving to grip his soft chin between your forefinger and thumb raising onto your knees so the two of you were eye level.

“Would you like that Carmen? If I let you give me your last name?” A patronizing smile graced your lips, the air between you charged. 

Carmy surged forward hungry for a taste of you, his hands gripped your hair to tug on it a strangled gasp leaving you. The strength with which Carmy took your lips into his forcing your back into the mattress beneath you two, his body hovering over yours. 

Your hand left its place on his chin sliding down to his shoulders caressing the little skin his tank top allowed you to feel. Hands traveling across his chest, the feeling of his toned body under your palms making you needy. You finally made it to the hem of his shirt tugging it up to give you access to the warm skin of his torso.

Carmy parted from you, snatching the shirt over his head before diving back in. Lips leading him to his favorite feature of yours. Your hands wrapped around his shoulders pulling him flush against you, Carmy’s lips ravished your neck as he nipped from your jawline down to your pulse point, teeth sinking in a bit harder.

“Fuck Carmy.” The delicious feeling of Carmen's body against yours, his lips exploring you, hands gripping the skin of your revealed waist. All of it led to the thrust of your hips up into his, it was selfish but you needed him, not that you would force him but whatever he would give you would have to be enough.

Carmy’s sharp intake of breath drew your attention as his hips relentlessly ground into you, hand wandering up your shirt to cup your breast thumb accidentally tracing your nipple. 

Your loud gasp alarmed him. He quickly parted from you saliva connected your lips together as you both took in each other’s disheveled appearances.

“Did I-did I do something wrong?” Sweet Carmy worried that he had ruined the moment. 

You sat up rapidly shaking your head as you stared into his eyes, the both of you breathing heavily, “No, no it was great I promise.”

Carmy nodded gently tracing your jawline as he looked at you, “Baby…I want this moment with you.” The mumble made your heart race, this was a big deal it would change whatever this relationship between the two of you was. 

“Carmy…we don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready for.” You searched his eyes hoping he didn’t feel pressured by the noises you were making.

“Have you…done this before?” Carmy forced himself to keep looking at you regardless of the blush he could feel painting his cheeks.

The small nod you gave relieved him a bit, “Does that bother you?” You didn’t think Camry would mind but you knew the male species could be unpredictable. 

“God no, I just don’t wanna disappoint you.” He finally looked away from you embarrassed to have admitted something so personal. 

“You won’t.” You sent him a small smile before guiding his hands to the hem of your shirt helping him to pull it over your head. Watching his beautiful face take in everything you had to offer him. 

His throat bobbed as he took in a large gulp, you could see the uncertainty in his eyes, proving you’d have to take the reins on this one, not that you minded. The thought of telling Carmy how to pleasure you warmed you up even more. 

Your finger reached out to lift Carmy’s chin, directing his eyes to yours, “What do you want to do to me, Carmen?” 

You watched as he blinked eyes tracing your figure, “I just wanna appreciate you, Baby.” The words left his lips in a whisper.

You were taken aback never having heard that before while being intimate. His hands slowly settled on your waist, the safest option “How should I…do that.”

You smiled moving one of his hands to cup your breast, shuddering at the skin-to-skin contact, “We can start with kissing, then I want you to do whatever feels right okay?”

Carmy nodded, giving your breast a slight squeeze a whimper drawing out of you, taking account of your reaction he gently began rubbing his thumb across your pebbled nipple watching your body writhe at the small action. 

He leaned forward pressing a gentle kiss into your forehead, lips moving to your left cheek then your right. A small kiss pressed into each of your closed eyelids and the tip of your nose. Each corner of your lips got its turn before his lips found the space between your nose and upper lip. One more kiss pressed into your chin before finally ending with a sweet kiss to your lips, cherishing every inch of your face he had kissed.

Carmy made his way to your jawline, starting at the right side and tracing to your left, nipping every so often as he continued his journey. Lips slowly tracing from your jawline to your neck, he wasn’t sure what it was but seeing your neck on display for him made him feral, his hips grinding into your as he decorated your neck in love bites. 

“Lay down f’me.” You eagerly listened watching as Carmy planted another soft kiss into your lips before following the map of your collarbones. Lips pressing into your upper chest as both hands came up to softly knead your breast. 

You could feel Carmy’s hard-on pressing against you, as much as you were enjoying this, all you wanted in the world was to finally please Carmy. You slipped your hand between your bodies sliding into the waistband of his boxers, hand gripping him as a strangled moan parted his lips. The soft caress of your hand against him caused his head to spin, this felt different from the times he would stroke himself thinking about you.

“Does this feel good, Carmy?” Your voice was a little deeper, more sensual as you questioned him. “Do you wish it was me making you cum on those lonely nights, hmm?

“Fuck…yes.” The whine of his voice went straight to your core, spurring you on more. 

Your strokes became a little firmer, applying more pressure to provide him more pleasure. His length twitched against your palm the more you rubbed. Carmy had lost all sense of his own ministrations grinding into your hand while still on top of you, he could feel himself close to ecstasy the feel of your warm body underneath him making him lose all control.

“Ba-Baby stop.” You froze immediately forcing your hormones under wrap, Carmy’s comfortability your priority. 

“Are you okay Carm?” The worry in your voice was obvious as you removed your hand from its grip on him. 

“Ye-yeah, I just want to please you right now.” Carmy’s hand moved to grip your rib cage thumb running back and forth against your under boob, “Can I continue showing my appreciation.” The slight desperation in his voice caused you to rapidly nod your head. 

Carmy gave you a small shy smile, moving to kiss the spot he had been tracing during this time. His lips painted across your whole torso, paying extra attention to your stomach, ideas he wasn’t ready to give merit to racing through his mind as he did so.

Finally, he paused at your hips, the solid cotton panties you wore obscured his path, nose caressing the front of your panties as he took in a deep breath allowing your aroma to invade his senses. “Are you going to take off my panties, Carmy?” The condescending tone in your voice went straight to his throbbing cock.

He nodded, wasting no time in peeling the fabric from its home around your hips, ready to replace it with his bare hands. Carmy raised to his haunches, unconsciously licking his lips at the sight of your naked body sprawled so prettily across his bed. All of you on show just for him.

Carmy returned to his previous task lips pressing wet delicate kisses into each of your hips bones, a lingering one placed at the base of your pelvis before turning his attention to your thighs. Lips trailing down your leg special attention paid to the crook of your knees and ankles. 

Carmy’s eyes found yours as he placed the last kiss on your right ankle, both of your pupils blown from the sequence of events that had just taken place. 

You beckoned Carmy forward urging him to find you once again. As he drew closer you grabbed one of his hands placing it on your right breast before moving it down so it caressed the rest of your torso, and down your pelvis finally stopping before the place you needed his touch most.

This was your way of giving him an out, the two of you could stop right here if he wanted to, the slight nod of his head told you otherwise. 

Your grip on his hand changed as you grabbed his forefinger and middle finger, your free hand parting your lower lips as you traced his fingers through your slick, a filthy moan escaping into the bedroom as Carmy’s calloused fingers finally stroked you.

“Do you feel that Carmy?” He nodded his head, eyes not leaving yours for a minute. “It's all for you, you made me feel this good.” 

You moved his fingers lower watching his face as you glided his two fingers into you, biting your lower lip at the hunger in you that was finally being tended to.

Carmy’s mouth fell open as he watched the ecstasy wash over your face, lost in the feeling of touching you in the most intimate way he had ever touched anyone before. His head dropped, eyes watching as you slowly swallowed his fingers, in and out the movement making him achingly hard. 

Carmy’s lips dropped to your ear a shy whisper caressing your ear, “I want to be inside you.” The vulnerability in Carmy’s voice caused you to bite your lip, satisfied that he was finally speaking up about what he wanted. 

“You are.” You teased him, clenching around his digits as his eyes drank you in.

You let out a whine as he removed his fingers from your grip, hand pressing your hip into the bed as he stared you down. “Please…I want this…with you.” The words unsaid weighing heavily between you two.  

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” You watched as he slipped out of his boxers, stroking himself as you watched and waited for your instructions. You motioned for him to lay atop you more noses brushing as he got into position, “I’ll guide you, but I need you to go slow okay, it’ll be a tight fit.” 

Carmy nodded his head, neither of you daring to ask about any contraception too lost in the thoughts of finally connecting in ways the two of you had only dreamed of.

You would come to regret the consequences of this decision later.

A smile split your lips before you surged up to capture Carmy’s lips, needing to distract yourself.

You guided him to your entrance only allowing the tip to go in to not overwhelm Carmy. Your mouth fell open in the shape of an ‘o’ as Carmy eagerly thrust into you, your hand raised to his shoulder to stop his movements.

“Carm, slowly, please.” His eyes met yours taking in the slight pain that his intrusion had caused, he nodded hand raising to cup your cheek.

“You look so beautiful like this.” A tender moment was shared between the two of you as you urged Carmy to continue his journey, shuddered moans escaping the both of you as he reached the hilt.

The feeling of finally being full with Carmy made you emotional, both of you just taking a moment to gaze at each other. Appreciating the finality of this all, Carmy leaned down to kiss a tear running down your cheek that escaped, his own eyes welling up, neither of you could find the right words to cement how much this moment meant to the two of you.

Carmy pulsed inside you the movement caused you to clench around him, “You did so good for me Carmy.” The praise went straight to his cock, eyes rolling back at how good a few words made him feel. 

“Can you move for me, Carm, it’ll make us both feel good.” The soft thrust of his hips was enough for you. 

He continued the slow motion of his hips, eyes connected with yours as the ghost of those three words he struggled to say filtered between the two of you. Your hand raised to wipe the single tear sliding down his cheek.

Nothing in the world could take this moment from the two of you. If Aphrodite could tell the story of your love she would describe it as a tangible heartbreaking thing always growing, and most times fleeting. Something both you and Carmy could touch, feel, and breathe. The love filtering between the two of you was clear as day to anyone who had a heart. 

The warm muscular hand pressed into the flesh of your hip bone driving you crazy. The fingers pressed into you harder and harder with each accompanying thrust. One hand pressed into the pillow by your head keeping the body atop of you from crushing you under its weight. You appreciated the cautionary position, but you had longed for this connection for what felt like ages and you would gladly welcome the weight of the perspiring chest burying you further into the mattress.

A golden gleam caught your eye taking you away from how the tattooed knuckles flexed against your hip every few seconds. You looked to see his golden chain dangling back and forth above your face, taunting you. The sway of the metal matched the rocking motion of his hips, the synchronicity of the two things driving you absolutely wild. Eyes concentrated on the gold chain it was almost like a switch was flipped in you and the catalyst was that fucking gold chain.

Your eyes moved to his face, his pupils blown wide as he stared down at you. You parted your lips his intense gaze causing you to clench down on him unconsciously, his eyes rolling back as his hand left its spot on your hip traveling up your torso thumb softly brushing over your nipple as it found its destination cupping your cheek with such intensity you were sure the shape of his thumb would be imprinted onto your jaw.

His eyes found yours once more, his thumb moving a few inches to softly caress your bottom lip. Your mouth opened on instinct to leisurely suck on his digit a hoarse ‘Fuck’ leaving the warm body that was making you feel so good. You released his thumb, feeling it tug at your bottom lip as his hand found its way back to your cheek.

You watched him above you, the ecstasy in his eyes warming your skin, you’d do anything to be able to please him if he always looked at you in that way. The flash of gold from his chain caught your attention again, the angle of his thrust causing you to gasp, a softly whispered moan of “Carmy,” leaving your lips. Carmy’s chain hovered above your open mouth begging to be taken between your teeth, you appeased your desires, your tongue latching onto the chain as you brought it to settle between your teeth. Carmy’s hips fucking into you at a slightly faster pace, your leg wrapping around his waist the heel of your foot pressing into his back to bring the two of you impossibly closer. 

“Fuck-Baby, shit!” Watching Carmy struggle for words had never been as sexy as it was at that moment. Knowing that you were the cause of his incoherent muttering. 

“Please, Carmy,” another gasp ripped through you, your teeth losing hold of Carmy’s signature gold chain. “Mmm yes, Carmen. Just like that.” You settled for whispering in his ear, the new position you had chosen had his head resting against your collarbone, his ear directly next to your mouth. You could feel Carmy’s hand moving from your cheek to clench your jaw between his thumb and remaining fingers. His hand moved your head to reveal your neck the feeling of soft wet kisses making a path to your ear, Carmy’s thrust slowing slightly.

You could feel his breath against your cheek, the soft whine he let out as your cunt clenched around him. His lips pressed against the shell of your ear, “Say that again.” His rough voice traveled through you, the thumping of your clit beating faster and faster.

“Just like that.” You moaned wanting to please him as much as he wanted to please you. 

His fingers dug into your chin, the roughness of his touch causing a high-pitched moan to leave your lips. “Sa-say my name?” The request made your head spin.

“Carm-,” Carmy’s hand returned to its earlier position holding himself above you causing your leg to drop back to the bed.

“N-no,” the strain in his voice was evident as he tilted your head down to stare directly into your eyes. “M-my name sa-say it. Please.” 

You bit your lip his whiny plea going straight to your clit. Your hand reachesdup to match his fingers gripping his chin firmly. Your blown pupils searching his wide doe eyes. It was hard to distinguish where the blue began and the black ended. Your faces were inches apart, you could tell from his breathing that your grip on his chin stirred something inside him. The soft rocking of his hips into yours caused your bottom lips to caress each other in the rhythm he had set.

“Carmen.” The syllables of his name left your mouth in a wanton moan, there was a moment where the thrusting of Carmy’s hips came to a slow stop before he surged forward and messily captured your lips in a kiss full of tongues and moans. Carmy’s hips began rutting into yours, the speed and intensity sending you both into a spiral. Your hand lost its grip on his chin to slither between your bodies matching Carmy’s pace and applying it to your clit. 

The grip on your chin was gone as Carmy’s hand followed the path yours had previously taken sending a soft squeeze to your breast. “Te-teach me how.” God you could’ve cum from that sentence alone. You began rapidly nodding your head before placing your hand atop his own guiding his index and middle finger into generously massaging your clit. 

“Car-Carmen, don’t stop please don’t stop.” Your voice leaves you in a sharp cry.

“Yeah? Is this good?” Your unabashed moan did more to answer Carmy’s question than any words could.

“Carmeee, I’m gonna come, please.” The banging of the headboard against the wall an indication of just how fast Carmy was thrusting into you.

“Whe-where should I-,” You could hear the slight panic in Carmy’s voice, assuming he was on the cusps of an orgasm as well.

“In me Carmy jus- all of it.” His fingers pressed into your clit going at a pace your brain couldn’t keep up with.

The speed of Carmy’s breathing increased. His head finding its way back into the crook of your neck, lips scattering kisses across your neck, “I’ll give it to you all. M’ gonna give you everything.” The sound of Carmen’s voice so quiet you weren’t sure if he had intended anyone else’s ears to hear it.

Whatever Carmen’s intentions his words were the last thing you needed to hear before bliss took over your senses. Your orgasm washed over you in waves, the intensity causing loud moans to escape your lips, clenching Carmy’s cock so hard you were sure it must’ve been painful. 

Riding the high of your orgasm, Carmen’s deep drawn-out groan vibrated into your neck as you felt him give two final rapid thrusts before the dam he had been holding back finally burst inside you. You felt his thrust slow down as he began peppering kisses across your face, “Thank you, thank you.” His voice trailed off into a whisper before his full body weight settled into you.

Now that the bed was no longer threatening to put a hole through his wall, the only sound filling the bedroom was the panting breaths you and Carmy were letting out.

Carmy looked up at you, the wetness on his cheeks matching yours. His forehead leaned against yours the vulnerability the two of you had for each other on full show. Breaths of love were shared between you as your lips gently touched. You knew the words you wanted to say at this moment, felt them so deep in your soul that your tears wouldn’t cease their downpour.

But you also knew how flighty the beautiful man in front of you was, it hurt but you would once again have to swallow your love for this man to ensure he remained in your life.

You laughed as Carmy hovered atop of you the Polaroid he gifted you in his hands the device raised to his eye. Your arm was thrown over your face the fact that the two of you were in this position at all still mind blowing . Carmy nudged your arm, he had been snapping photos of you for a while now, both of you ignoring the fact that he should have been getting ready for work instead of laying with your naked body barely covered under him. 

“Show me that smile, pretty girl,” you slowly moved your arm, the smile splitting your face hard to control. “You seem to like my chain so much, I want to remember what you look like in it.” Carmy could be devilish when he wanted to, the way he would sometimes gain confidence and say what was on his mind, throwing you for a loop.

Your eyes left the camera in his hand as you stared at his face, so enchanted with who Carmy was as a person. Only being jolted out of your trance as the Polaroid fluttered out of the camera and landed on the center of your chest. 

Carmy moved the camera smiling down at you before picking up the photo and examining it, the corner of his lips ticking up in a half smile. He placed the picture on the other pillow where all the other Polaroids were sprawled out. You watched as he set the camera down next to your head cupping your jaw before leaning down and pressing a firm kiss into your forehead a mumbled ‘Perfect’ escaped his lips. 

“Will you take a picture with me Carmy,” your words came out shyly hoping he would agree. You felt his nose nuzzle into your neck planting a small kiss on your tattoo before moving to lay next to you in the bed. 

You reached over to plant a soft kiss on his cheek before grabbing the camera from its spot by your head. You raised it watching as the soft smile graced Carmy’s face, your eyes not wanting to leave the perfect view of his side profile that you had fallen in love with, finger accidentally slipping, the sound of the camera shutter filled the space between you too.

Carmy pulled the photo out waiting for it to develop as he looked in your direction. A wide grin took over his face just by looking at you, your hand began lowering the camera before his hand shot out and raised your hand, and the camera back up quickly pressing your finger into the button to capture this moment in time. 

You let him grab the camera from your hands before he placed it on the nightstand, once again holding your face in place as the two of you shared your softest kiss yet. 

— — — —

You watched as Carmy maneuvered around his room slipping into a clean pair of chef whites, he was late and you could tell he was panicking on the inside but didn’t want to worry you. The two of you had wasted away in the shower washing each other's bodies and holding each other under the hot spray of water. Neither of you wanted to leave the confines of the shower, knowing your time together was finally expiring.

You sat on the bed with your legs pulled up to your chest, chin resting atop them, a fresh pair of panties, and his deep green crew neck from last night your only form of clothing. The tension between the two of you had been broken the moment Carmy realized just how behind schedule he was, shoving reality down your throat as the game of pretending the two of you had been playing was finally snuffed out.

Carmy’s eyes landed on you in his rush clocking the glaze of your eyes, head not rationalizing why you might be upset at the moment. Finally gathering all his necessities he rushed over to you kneeling in front of you pressing one last kiss onto your forehead.

“I’ll be home soon, yeah.” You closed your eyes, the words breaking your heart into pieces.

“Yeah, be safe okay?” Carmy smiled, capturing your lips in his for the last time tonight hand cupping the back of your head to hold you in place.

The two of you separated small side smiles mirroring each other, both of you knew that Carmy would return home to an empty apartment tonight, but neither of you would voice that truth. 

You followed him to the front door needing to see him off before your return to Chicago. He opened the door lingering between the door and the hallway hand gripping yours before pressing a soft kiss into the pulse point at your wrist.

You shared small smiles as Carmy made his way to leave, sending you one last wave before he disappeared down the hallway.

Your closed the door, forehead pressing into it as you stood there trying to gain your bearings, doing your best to control your tears as you knew this moment was inevitable.

A soft “I love you, Carmen.” Breathed into the empty apartment soft enough for it to feel like a ghost had whispered those words and not you.

But not quiet enough that the man who returned on the other side of the door missed the declaration. 

Heart thudding in his chest. His hand ready to turn the keys in the doorknob dropped to his side. His feet shuffled backward as he took one last glance at the door before reverting to his journey to work.

He could go one day without his signature chain that he had so lovingly placed around your delicate neck.

a/n: idk what to say really…enjoy : ) [actually no this is my first smut so please let’s learn from carmy’s mistakes and don’t come for me 😉] i’m like the only person on the planet who thinks i’m funny that’s how laughable it is 😭

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[noonaishere]

Ateez - Newark, Nov 27

So we stood out in the rain for like an hour, but someone had a Goncharov poster:

So it was basically okay.

Actually, we were soaked by the time we got inside, and, it seemed like they let us in late.

My sister went with me and noticed there were a lot of dads there with their kids: “I feel very at one with these dads right now.” *pretending to holler to one that’s a bit away* “Hello there! Do you like to fish? I-- don’t like to fish, it makes me sad.” Me: *laughing*

This was the jacket I spent SO much time on and even learned to screen print for:

(The big on is the one I screen printed, points if you can figure out what it’s a mashup of. I bought the chain one, and I painted the others with a paint marker and it died while I was working on them -_- Truly, Kim Hongjoong should have blessed my Poscas before I started lol)

(PS: I’m planning on opening an Etsy store and making that the first print to sell)

(I made the HALA HALA tag under the lacing on the left, and the “1117″ in roman numerals under the star patch, I bought everything else. That “01″ tag actually lights up, idk why I didn’t turn it on for the picture)

Anyway, I wore that and a red plaid shirt underneath as my outerwear, which was good because I wasn’t too cold outside or too warm once we got inside, and both dried off relatively quickly (and having two layers meant it too a while for me to actually start feeling how soaked I was getting. It didn’t rain rain, but we were outside so long that we were soaked by the end of the hour standing there)

I saw the elusive LED people:

So rare to see one, free in the wild, much less three! Extremely exciting.

Then we saw the babies perform. Very proud of them. Their songs were good and they were very polished for still being trainees (but I think I read they’re supposed to debut next year, so that makes sense). I think Hunter might end up being my bias.

Then they played like three Ateez songs in a row and everyone sang along, until the music fizzled and cut and the lights went out, and even the Lightinys went out (the 2.0 are so cool) and we got a lore dump in Korean and English presumably (from everything other lore bit I’ve seen) from the viewpoint of the Oppressive Government, or the Android Guardians.

(Can someone PLEASE hire me to do the localization of their English text? Please? Because, yes, “crack leads to pain”... but that means something a little different in English.)

(It is, as the kids say, “whack”)

The the VCR from the World: Movement promos

(I just really like the lights in this one)

Then a bunch of very mysterious hooded figures came out. Oooooh, such mystery, very secret.

(Don’t go near the dog park)

(Trying to creatively crop out this guy’s arm that was SO FAR into my field of vision the whole night that it was not only “not even funny” but also “driving me to violence”)

(Then they went into a vortex, but I missed it by like a second)

(Listen... I love red, and I love San.)

Park Seonghwa is the prettiest man on the planet and I am going to throw myself into the ocean because I can’t deal with it. And Yunho is so handsome that every time his face was on the screen I thought “Wow, he’s so handsome” as if it was the first time I thought it.

“MAKE SOME NOISEEEEE!!!!” (I love you, San. I’ll make all the noise you want), polar opposite of Yeosang, who just stood there placidly as we screamed.

Hongjoong, waiting patiently like a stern teacher or something as we all screamed. Wooyoung laughing at us.

I do not remember what Jongho was saying here. Mingi, like... I love him because his face and height make him look so big and mean but he’s just a big mush of a princess. (Also, this boy’s lips... I better be careful before I start writing smut fic again 👀👀👀)

(Another shot where I just really loved the lights)

You can see on the screen that for HALA HALA (my favorite song in the whole catalog, I’m so happy they performed it) they had it go back and forth between being the current footage, and them as Halateez. I’m assuming they filmed it a few days ago or something, but some of coreo was SO spot on I was wondering if they had deepfaked the costumes or something lol.

Break that spine, Sannie, who needs it!

I need the VCRs from the concert. For lore purposes.

Mist. Everyone giving 110%

More San because I adore him

It’s my favorite thing when one of them is talking and the others all start holding their own mic up for him. My favorite idiots lolol

Jongho tried to grill Hongjoong if he knew the name of his first OST (and the Lightinys would have turned blue if he was right), so Wooyoung grilled him back about why he didn’t text him on his birthday. Seonghwa and Yunho enjoying the mess (Yeosang tried to leave because he ALSO didn’t text him but was captured and acted like he didn’t know what was happening lol)

At some point my sister leaned over and was like “Who’s the dramatic one?” “The dramatic one? They’re all on stage performing, they’re all dramatic.” “No, the dramatic one.” Me: thinks. “Do you mean the one doing all the high notes?” “Yeah. He’s dramatic. I like him.”

My sister went from non-fan to Jongho stan lol.

Me: “See? They’re pirates.” My sister: “Huh”

Lil starry Cromer action

I got the very end of the Cyberpunk San Slutty Dance Move, so I’m happy. (I thought I missed it since I was trying to watch it with my eyes and not my phone. It’s a little hard to hold a Lightiny and a phone at the same time.)

One again: Park Seonghwa is the prettiest man on the planet; once again: I am in the fucking ocean about it. Hongjoong: “Don’t like sexy too much”, also Hongjoong: *flirting*

Hypocrite.

Okay, but San is LEVITATING in the background? I was too busy looking at Mingi’s body rolls that I didn’t even notice until I uploaded the picture lol, wtf.

This is my favorite picture I took all night. I sent it to my friend @cant-fight-kyrumption​ and she sent me this:

And now I can’t unsee it.

(I also, don’t know how I forgot about it, I LOVED those vines lol)

We were side Cool, and we screamed a bunch and they changed the Lightinys colors lol

I love him your honor

Had to make a part 2 because tumblr kept shitting itself.

Tagging some peeps: @sayaramarz, @hecalledhimhyung, @moonbinnie0983​, @ositoblancito​, @goldenchunkycat​, @leagreenly​

[screampied]

-🍄‍🟫

Hi vegas i’ve been a my since their debut!! So when november comes around this year it’ll be like 5 years LOL let’s just say this group is my ride or DYE…… bae u shld make an idol au or something!! I know you’ve done something similar HAHAHA and okay i dont rlly fw idol aus that much because i’ve got bad experiences reading corny ones when i was like 11 but i’ll love to see it from ur writing style. I dont even care if u fuck up the terms lol maybe that stereotypical ass bodyguard x artist n i’ll literally slobber it up if it came from you… ❤️

Also ps i love how you communicate w ur anons like they’re your long lost friends it’s so sweet… can’t relate tho i’m always so awkward but i love seeinf how sweet u are w literally everyone. Deserved tho when you’re constantly feeding ppl with literacy masterpieces?? I think as a non-jjk watcher and possibly not even intending to watch or read it like… ever, having readers like me (and possibly more!) just shows how fantastic you are 😛 SORRY i might be waffling but how descriptive your fics are? The plotlines? The imagery? I am Not gonna lie you literally personify the 🐱 like it’s right there with me and for that i’m forever in awe. Thank u vegas i am English nerd before i am fic consumer so I apologise. (And show me your ways)

SLAY 🤞🤞.

did u see them at the MAMA awards, oooooh their outfits were taking it. ughhh i’d love to do an idol! au wait that’s such a good idea 😫😫 the closest thing to that i’ve already written was probably popstar! gojo but a new au is wellll overdue. how do we feel about idol! gojo, i feel like he’d be an even bigger, richer brat I LOVE IT.

do u read my mind i was thinking ab a bodyguard ah too 😭😭😭. with toji specially actually, i need that man so bad. GGRGGR or even bodyguard geto, decisions decisions baybeeeee. it’s the way this exact au has been plaguing my mind all week UGH.

BUT OHMYGODH THANKU ☹️☹️☹️. that’s so sweeeeeeeet, my love nooooo. it’s okay <3 im pretty awkward too, but i love interacting with you guys !!!! we’re all one big family 🫂🫂, and i kick my feet whenever i get a ask from one of you pretty babies hehe. (don’t tell anyone) YOU TJINK I PERSONIFY PUSSY that’s like … the nicest compliment ever oh i’m gonna explode with happiness. thanku sm, i’m keeping ur kind words in my heart, mwahmwah :D

[theshelbyclan]

Brotherly Discomfort

Summary: After ‘the talk’, your brothers are adamant to protect you, but you throw yet another curveball their way. Part 2 to Growing Pains

(Gif by @nofckingfighting​)  A/N: This is part 2 to my most popular fic Growing Pains and I used anon’s request: Could you do a Shelby sis story where she’s a lesbian and in love with a woman and her family doesn’t know. The family is trying to get her into an arranged marriage with a man and she can’t figure out how to tell them she’s a lesbian cause she feels they won’t except her? Sorry if that’s too much. Love your writing so much btw!! Thanks for this request babes, hope I did it justice :)  Words: 2387

*** “Right, Y/N, sit down,” Tommy sighed deeply and pointed at a single chair by the kitchen table, “We need to talk.” As you sat down, three brothers loomed over you. Tommy lit a cigarette like his life depended on it, Arthur couldn’t stand still if his life depended on it and John seemed to have forgotten what his life actually depended on, so he just stood there, unsure of everything. “We’re having another talk,” you stated. The last one, only a few days ago, was still fresh in your mind. 

“We are,” you brother confirmed. Arthur took off his cap like he was attending a funeral and stumbled, “We, uhm… We’ve had an idea.” “Christ,” Polly mumbled from behind her newspaper and you couldn’t agree more. “The thing is,” John finally spoke, “We’ve been worried after we… talked.” “Right,” you nodded, “Because of he subject of our conversation?” “It’s not just that!” your brother continued, with a slight frantic edge to his voice, “You’re growing up, but you’re still running around with the dogs at all hours. You won’t listen to anyone, do whatever you please…” Tommy continued where John faltered, “The truth is, Y/N, you’re getting to be too wild.” “Oh, fuck off, Tom,” and you got up with every intention to leave the room. “Sit down,” he said sternly, “We can’t have another Ada situation.” “Situation?” your eyebrows shot up, “What do you fucking mean by a fucking situation?” “The baby, Y/N,” Arthur explained. “I’m sorry,” you were boiling inside now, “but please explain: was the baby the problem or the man she had the baby with the problem? Or possibly, maybe, the fact that you three had no say in the matter?!” “That’s not the point,” John could feel this conversation wasn’t going as planned, “The thing is we couldn’t stop it!” Polly scoffed behind you, so at least you felt like someone was on your side. After a few moments of silence, your anger got the better of you and you slammed a hand down on the table in a very Tommy manner, “So what did you three fucking geniuses come up with?” Tommy pointed at you menacingly, “You fucking watch your mouth. You may be sixteen but I will still wash your mouth out with soap if you don’t mind that tongue…” “Minding my tongue…” you repeated, rolling your eyes, “Fine. So, what’s the plan? Arthur? John? Are we going back to the old ways and am I being married off to some good gypsy boy?” You turned around at Polly and laughed at your own joke, but when the room fell silent once again, you realised you’d hit the jackpot. Arthur had known you since the day you were born. He’d been twelve at the time and he could recognise every little expression on your face. Like when you were little, you used to scrunch up your nose just before you were about to cry for hunger. Or when you were sad, a small wobble in your chin just before the tears. Or when you were angry, a wrinkle in your forehead gave away the tantrum that was about to follow. This was happening right now. So he held up both hands and said, “Y/N, he’s from a good family…” “Nope,” you said, adamantly. “He is,” John confirmed gently, “and he has horses.” “Fucking no,” you shook your head. Tommy sighed, “We already made the deal.” “You promised your sister, just like that. That’s low, even coming from you, Thomas,” Polly’s cold voice sounded. If there was one person who could break his tough exterior, it was his aunt, “Well, what the fuck should we have done, Pol? Let her run wild, like you, eh?” But you stood up and walked over to Tommy. This was the man who had raised you, cared for you and disciplined you most of all, but right now, none of it mattered. So you slapped him hard, once. “Undo it Tommy,” you hissed, “Undo it or I’ll fucking cut you.” In the background you could hear Arthur mumble at once, “Okay, we’ll undo it…” “Give me one good reason,” your brother’s face, now only inches away, remained emotionless. You sighed and decided to throw all caution to the wind. “Anna,” you said, calmly. “What?” John asked immediately. So you repeated, voice raised, “Anna!” Three frowning brother stared at you, not understanding at all. “Remember when you asked me what hisname was, last week?” you called out exasperated. “’John’, wasn’t it?” Arthur looked at you. “No, it wasn’t fucking ‘John’, Arthur, she just said so,” John explained to his oldest brother. Tommy lit another cigarette, “What’s your point, Y/N?” You pointed at your neck where the nearly faded hickey could still be seen if you knew, “The name of the girl who gave me this is Anna.” “That would be bloody fantastic actually, because we wouldn’t have to worry anymore about a baby situation…” John squinted, “I think she’s serious…” “Oooooh fuck…” Arthur sighed, suddenly connecting the dots; “We’ve been keeping an eye on the wrong fucking people, John.” But John burst out laughing, “Didn’t see that one coming, did you, Tommy?” Slowly, your brother sat down and started smoking his second cigarette, “Pol, contact Madame Ross, tell her the wedding is off.” But Aunt Polly was having none of it, “You got us into this mess, you can fix it.” And then fear settled suddenly into the pit of your stomach. You looked at Tommy and asked softly, “Are you mad?” “Nope,” he said, head dropped down into his hands. “Disappointed?” “No, I’m not disappointed. But you should’ve told us, eh?” You shrugged, “Didn’t think you’d… approve.” “Why?” John asked, “We don’t care that you like women.” And all the love you had in you went out to your brother in that very moment. “Y/N,” Arthur started and he looked so angry that uncertainty took over again, “Why the fuck did you not tell us before we… explained?” “Because it was hilarious,” Polly commented unhelpfully. John started giggling again, “Fucking unnecessary is what it was.” “Arthur?” you asked, fear seeping into your voice. He sighed deeply, fidgeting with his hat, “It’s not the women, Y/N, I don’t care about that. It’s you and… anyone really. I don’t like the idea of you with anyone. Remember when she used to play with the coals, remember John?” “Yeah, I remember,” John smiled. “Black like the night she’d be!” Arthur remembered out loud, “Sweet and innocent.” “Well, she’s not anymore,” Polly sipped her tea. “I fucking see that and I don’t like it,” you eldest brother’s smile faded quickly. “Right,” Tommy raised his head again, “Guess we need to change our approach.” “There really no need…” you started. But he continued, ignoring you, “So you like girls, eh?” “Yep,” you confirmed meekly. “Only girls?” You nodded, “Well, one in particular.” Arthur looked at Tommy like he would have all the answers, “Now what, Tom?” You could now start to see the humour in all of it. Your brothers’ faces were an absolute picture! John could hardly contain his laughter, Tommy looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders and Arthur was filled with the absolute dread at another conversation like the one you had last week. “Oh, come on!” John called out, “I’m sure we could offer some advice!” He winked at you and a smile spread across your face. “Yeah!” you said, “I mean you all like women, right? This should be even easier!” “It’s not,” Arthur muttered. “I like women,” John said to no one in particular. “What about you, Tommy?” you asked your brother sweetly. But he just rolled his eyes and continued smoking. A part of you wanted to joke about him and Alfie, but you decided against it at the last second. “Horses?” you ventured, “Tommy, any advice on this with the famous analogy of horses? “Horses don’t really…” he waved a hand, coughed and stopped talking all together. “Well, at least you don’t have to be afraid of her getting pregnant,” John said to Arthur, who was as white as a sheet now. “That’s right,” he replied in a low voice, “but that’s my entire speech out the window, because there’s no waiting ‘till bloody marriage either…” “Well,” you tried to comfort your older brother, “You did offer me some good advice the last time, Arthur. You said there was no hurry and to not do it unless I wanted to?” “Right! I did say that. That, yes, it still stands!” Arthur looked around the kitchen triumphantly. “And John,” you continued, “you said to not put anything in my mouth unless I wanted to. Sound advice that was, now more than ever!” “Fucking hell,” Arthur crumbled again, “I can’t do this again. Tom, say something.” “Women….” Tommy started off vaguely waving his cigarette around, “they want love.” “We do.” “And they always want to take things slow.” “Can you imagine?” John interrupted, “Two women together? Must take ages…” “You’d be surprised…” you started, but when you saw your other brothers’ faces, you shut your mouth quickly. Tommy glared daggers at his brother and then turned to you, “How did you become an expert all of a sudden, eh?” “Talked to Ada,” you shrugged. “You talked to Ada…” he repeated lowly and threw his head back. “Wait,” John said suddenly, “Is this why you hate wearing dresses?” “Or why you drink whiskey like a man?” Arthur added, carefully. “That’s just because she’s a Shelby,” Polly explained matter-of-factly. “Or why you never sit on chairs?” John continued, “Or hang out at the factory all the time! Or why you always talk about votes for women…” You held up a hand to stop your brother, “None of that has anything to do with me liking women, John. That’s just… me.” “So what does have to do with you liking women?” your other brother asked in his typical low voice. “Me liking women…?” “So how does it work exactly?” John furrowed his brows, “Like, without… a man there?” “John,” Arthur warned him with a grumble. “Well, both people are enjoying themselves, for starters…” you replied in earnest. “Fucking hell,” the eldest interrupted, “She’s turning into Ada, she bloody is.” “Have you never seen two women together, Arthur?” you asked innocently, “Not even in London?” “They’re all mad bastards down in London, Y/N, the things I’ve seen there…” “Well, imagine me now.” Tommy had just taken a sip of his whiskey and practically choked on the spot, “That’s fucking it. You’re not to go near the BSA again!” “Why?” you called out, “It’s not like all the women in the world are gathered at the BSA!” “I will not have you behaving,” he struggled to find the words but finally spit, “like those fucking women in London!” “Don’t worry, Tommy,” you tried to comfort him, “I’m still… we haven’t actually…” “Oh, thank God,” Arthur sank down in his chair. “Well, when you do, just be gentle, alright?” John offered some advice, “And light a candle! Women love candles.” “Candles, check,” you noted. Tommy downed his whiskey, recomposed himself and added, “And make sure they’re in the mood first…” “To get ‘happy’,” you said, “like Arthur said last time,” “Yes,” he sighed deeply.

“Cut your nails,” John said out of the blue, “Esme told me.”

Arthur turned to his brother, “What the bloody hell do nails have to do with anything?”

“Well, it’s for when you…”

But Tommy silenced you with a gesture, “Please, Y/N, don’t.”

“Right,” and the quiet returned in the small kitchen. Well, at least now they knew, so that terrifying bit was out of the way. Apart from that, you weren’t quite sure if this was going great, because your brothers seemed absolutely petrified and slightly annoyed at your sudden revelation. Maybe it would’ve been better if you hadn’t told them. Then again, marrying a ‘good gypsy boy’ was the last thing you wanted in life. So maybe you could lighten the mood just a little.

“I have a better idea,” a sudden glint came into your eyes, “How about I offer all of you some advice!” The tables had turned already and this couldn’t possibly get any more awkward.

“Nope,” Arthur stood up and promptly marched out of the kitchen, talking to himself, “I can’t. That’s my baby sister and I just fucking can’t...”

“Arthur, where are you going?” Polly called after him, mirth clearly audible in her voice. And he replied, “I’m going to find this Anna, make sure she’s from a good family…” And then he was gone.

Tommy looked from you to Polly for a few seconds before he cleared his throat and mumbled something about business. Polly smirked at you and his face was full of annoyance at it all, “I need to get back to Dangerous. The horse. Tell me some other time, eh?”

“Tommy,” you asked carefully, “Are you sure you’re not mad about me liking women?”

“Princess, I honestly don’t give a fuck who you like,” he said, while putting on his coat and hat, “I just want to meet this Anna and if she hurts you, I’ll still kill her. None of that has changed, eh?”

This was strangely comforting to you.

And just as you were about to offer some unwanted advice, he left the kitchen in a hurry and called over his shoulder, “If you have any questions, Ada apparently has all the fucking answers!”

So you turned to your aunt, “That went well, didn’t it?”

“At least the wedding’s off.”

“Thank fuck,” you smirked and Polly smiled at you encouragingly, “You don’t mind, Aunt Pol, do you?”

“I’m with Tommy,” she said returning to her stern voice, “The fact that it’s a woman won’t make me hesitate.”

“Right,” you nodded, “She makes me happy, though.”

“Good,” Aunt Polly continued to read the newspaper, “Bring her over for tea. Let’s make the boys really uncomfortable, shall we?”

Still laughing, you stood up with the intention of getting on with your homework, when you suddenly noticed John was still sitting on the chair in the back of the kitchen.

“What do you want?” you asked him bluntly.

“I’m waiting,” he said, hands upturned, “You promised me some advice, remember?”

***

Masterlist

[yuki-the-master-of-demons]

Sensitive Spots Part 2 (NSFW smut/angst) Mammon X Male MC

This is a continuation of another post: Part 1

Yuki is FTM (he/him). I just wanted to write smut but characters decided to go for angst

"What? Did I say something weird?" Yuki asks as all the demon brothers stare at him.

"Oh, Yuki." Asmo coos. "You really don't know what you do to us do you? Giving Mammon's wings special attention and then asking to do the same with everyone else."

"We weren't doing anything like that!" Mammon barks. "And even if we- If we were, what's the problem, huh?"

Yuki shrugs. "It's biology, and I like biology. I wanna learn about demon anatomy, and, while books can teach a lot, a diagram is nothing like touching the real thing."

"Well, that statement isn't wrong," Satan chuckles. "I suppose I should have leant you more descriptive books."

"That would be nice." Yuki comments. "Though, I'd still like to poke and prod y'all if y'all'd let me."

"You can poke and prod me all you want, Darling." Asmo giggles. "I can show you just how different demon anatomy can be."

"Me first." Belphie buts in.

Beel pauses chewing. "I wouldn't mind it either."

Satan chuckles. "I'd be happy to help educate you with a private lesson, Yuki."

"Oh no you don't!" Mammon growls. "The only one giving Yuki an anatomy lesson is me!"

Levi whines. "How can all of you say this stuff so casually?!"

Lucifer sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose. "Yuki, why is it that you always seem to rile them up?"

"I don't fucking know, but it's nice to know I can study y'alls' demon forms, at least most of you it seems like." Yuki smiles. "This is gonna be fun."

"I can't wait, Darling." Asmo leans in closer to Yuki, but, before he can respond, Mammon yoinks him out of his chair.

"I call dibs!" Mammon yells before running off with the human as an uproar comes from his brothers. The demon pulls Yuki into his room, slams the door, and shifts into his demon form as he faces the human.

"So that just happened?" Yuki looks at Mammon with confusion.

"Can you not be a nerd for 5 seconds?" Mammon grumbles with his cheeks flushed. "Do you have any idea what you've been saying?"

Yuki stares blankly at Mammon. "Uh..." Yuki shrugs.

"Well, if you really want to be a nerd and study demon anatomy, you'll be studying me first." Mammon pouts.

"Oh uh, okay. So how do you wanna do this?"

Mammon gulps and takes Yuki by the hand, guides the human to sit on the bed with him. "Ya can go ahead and touch me..."

Yuki hesitates. "Where am I allowed to touch you?"

"Anywhere. Just- Touch me."

Yuki looks over Mammon's torso before tracing the markings on the demon's chest. Mammon's breath hitches.

"They're a different texture." Yuki mutters. "Are these tattoos or...?"

"They're kinda like birth marks." Mammon answers. "I didn't pick 'em."

"They look good on you." Yuki begins to undo the buckles of Mammon's top. It doesn't take long for the leather to fall from Mammon's shoulders. Yuki scoots himself to sit behind the demon.

"Ya really like my wings, don't ya?" Mammon chuckles softly.

"Yeah," Yuki answers easily. "They're really cool." Yuki delicately pulls at Mammon's wing and sees how far it can spread. He feels the thing leathery like skin and follows the white edges to the demon's shoulder blades. Mammon bites his lip. Yuki's hands feel up along Mammon's back, feeling how the muscles connect to the demon's wings. Mammon swallows his moan.

"You said the tissue here was sensitive." Yuki comments. "What does it feel like?"

"Good." Is the only word Mammon can get out without letting a groan slip past his lips. Yuki rubs the area where the leathery wing joins Mammon's back. The demon's wing twitches. Yuki rubs it again, the wing twitches again. Mammon can feel his cock stirring in his pants. Yuki tries rubbing another spot, this time Mammon's wing flutters. Yuki does this again and again, finding different spots at the base of Mammon's wings, seeing how the wings move depending on where he touches. A soft curse from the demon catches Yuki's attention.

"You good?" Yuki asks, looking over Mammon's shoulder. The human notices how Mammon's chest is heaving, cheeks and shoulders are flushed. Yuki's eyes widen as he looks further down and sees Mammon's cock straining against his pants. "Oh..." Yuki mumbles. "Oooooh, so they're that kind of sensitive."

Mammon turns to the human and growls. "Now you realize it?"

"Huh."

"'Huh?' 'Huh?!' Is that all you're gonna say?" Mammon tries to calm his breathing down.

Yuki shrugs, eyes not leaving the tent in Mammon's pants. "It's interesting anatomy. Is this kind of reaction common with all demons or is it-"

"Are you seriously still acting fucking like a nerd right now?"

"Should I not be?" Yuki asks.

"Fucking-" Mammon grunts. "You really are something else."

Heat rises in his Yuki's cheeks. "Are demons different down there as well?"

"I- Yeah." Mammon gulps. "Do ya... wanna see?"

Yuki slides off the bed and sets himself between Mammon's legs. "May I?" He asks.

"Fuck yes." Mammon groans.

Yuki hesitates for a moment and then undoes Mammon's belt. He unconsciously licks his lips as he pulls the zipper down, leaning closer as he does so. When Mammon's cock springs free, Yuki's eyes stare in amazement.

"Wow." Yuki mutters. White markings line either side of Mammon's cock, and rows of ridges are stacked along his shaft. Yuki leans in closer, fingers wrapping around the base of the demon's cock. Without thinking, Yuki leans down and licks the tip.

"Fuck." Mammon moans.

"Sorry, I don't know what came over me." Yuki pulls away.

"Don't fucking apologize." Mammon reaches down and runs his hand through Yuki's hair. "Go ahead. Study my cock with your mouth."

Yuki leans in closer again, looking up at the demon to make sure what he's doing is okay, and takes the tip of Mammon's cock between his lips. He runs his tongue over the slit, savoring the taste of the demon. His hand slowly begins stroking the demon.

Mammon groans. "Fuck, Yuki."

Yuki takes more of Mammon into his mouth, mind going fuzzy as heat grows in his lower body. Yuki's other hand wanders down and begins rubbing circles against his clit through the fabric of his pants. Yuki strokes faster and begins to bob his head, taking in more and more of Mammon's cock each time his head descends. When he looks up, Mammon's blue eyes are staring back at him with flushed cheeks.

"You look so good with your lips wrapped around my cock." Mammon moans.

Those words both embarrasses and encourages Yuki. He tries to take Mammon deeper, trying to take the demon down his throat. He chokes and has to pull away, but he does back down, determined to take all he can. He closes his eyes as his head bobs faster, both of his hands working Mammon's cock.

"Y-Yuki-" Mammon pants. "I'm- Fuck, I'm close."

Yuki pulls Mammon's cock from his lips and strokes the demon's cock. He opens his mouth, tongue out and ready. The human looks up, watching as how Mammon's shoulders shudder and how the demon's bottom lip bleeds as he bites it.

A guttural groan escapes Mammon as he cums, his fingers digging into Yuki's scalp. Yuki keeps staring at the demon, taking note of every detail he can, as rope after rope of cum shoots into his mouth. Mammon stares back, watching as Yuki licks his lips clean and sucks the tip of Mammon's cock, making sure every drop is in his mouth. For a moment, the two stare at each other in silence. When Yuki swallows his cum, Mammon pulls the human onto his lap, and they kiss each other desperately.

"Mammon!" Yuki gasps when the demon bites the base of his neck. "Fuck- Your teeth."

"Too much?"

"No." Yuki grinds on Mammon's cock. "Do it again."

"Fucking asking to touch all my brothers." Mammon growls in Yuki's ear. "If you're gonna pick us all, I'm gonna be your first."

Yuki moans loudly as Mammon's teeth sink into shoulder, and the demon bucks his hips. "On you back." Yuki commands.

Mammon's pact pulls him down onto the mattress. He gazes up at Yuki with wide eyes.

"Was that okay?" Yuki asks as he rest his hands on the demon's chest.

"Y-yeah, ya just surprised me."

"Sorry." Yuki chuckles and lifts himself, pulling his leg free from his pants and underwear. His shirt is just long enough to cover himself. Mammon can't see it, but, when Yuki sits himself back on the demon's abdomen, Mammon can feel how wet Yuki is.

Mammon's hands trace up Yuki's thighs and pushing up the human's shirt. "Damn." He mutters.

Yuki flushes and pulls the shirt back down. "It's okay. You don't have to pretend to find me attractive."

Mammon's eyebrows furrow. "'Pretend?' What the hell are ya- Yuki, you're hot as fuck!"

"I'm really not." Yuki shrugs. "I accidentally got you horny, now you need a release, and I'm a warm body close by. It's okay, I'm mediocre. I get it. You don't have to lie."

"I ain't lying!" Mammon grumbles and flips Yuki over, laying the human face up while he cages Yuki in with his arms. "What the fuck are you talking about? Yuki, you fucking drive me wild! You drive so many demons nuts with how hot you are!"

Yuki stares blankly at Mammon for a beat and then laughs. The human yelps suddenly when Mammon flips Yuki on his back. "Mammon?" Yuki gasps.

"You're fucking sexy." Mammon growls. "If you don't believe me, I'll prove it to you." The demon licks up Yuki's neck, making the human gasp. Mammon's hands sneak under Yuki's shirt, feeling up the human's torso.

"Ma-Mammon-" Yuki moans. "You don't have to-"

"I want to." Mammon pulls Yuki's shirt over the human's head. "I want you."

Yuki looks back silently before nodding. "Okay, just- If you want to stop at any time, I won't be mad."

"Ya don't need to worry about that." Mammon mutters as he trails kisses down Yuki's torso. "Spread your legs for me."

Yuki gulps and does what he's told, opening his legs and revealing his hard clit and wet folds. Mammon rests his hands on the human's thighs and licks his lips. He leans in closer and blows on Yuki's sensitive bud. Yuki gasps, hips jumping forward at the sensation.

"Mammon, please-" Yuki mewls.

"Don't worry. I got you." Mammon says before running his tongue across Yuki's hole. The human's hands shoot to Mammon's hair, one of them gripping one of the demon's horn. Mammon goes deeper, pushing his tongue into Yuki and savoring the human's taste.

"Fuck- Mammon, I- ." Yuki moans, back arching. Mammon shifts his his focus, tongue twisting around Yuki's clit, as two of his fingers slowly enter the human's hole. Yuki's legs encase Mammon's head, pulling him in even more.

"M-Mammon, yes- Mammon." Yuki squirms in the demon's grasp as he repeats Mammon's name again and again. Mammon's fingers pump into Yuki, making the human's legs shake, as the demon sucks and nibbles on Yuki's clit. With a final curse and whimper of Mammon's name, Yuki cums. Mammon feels Yuki's walls squeeze his soaked fingers, and the human's clit pulsing on his tongue.

Mammon pulls away and licks his lips as he looks over Yuki's body. Yuki's chest is heaving, and his body still twitches as he comes down from his high. Yuki's arms have pushed his glasses up as he covers his face. "Yuki," Mammon pulls himself up and kisses Yuki's chest. "Lemme see that handsome face of yours."

"I'm sorry." Yuki chokes out, not moving his arms.

"What the hell are you apologizing about?"

"I just- This is-" Yuki sniffles. "What we just did- Why? How could you- Why me?"

"Ah fuck, are ya crying?" Mammon panics. "Did I hurt you? Did I-"

"No! No, I just-" Yuki wipes his eyes. "It feels so impossible. Mammon, you're- I know I'm not ugly, and that I can be cute sometimes, but I know I'm not sexy. You said that's not true, but you're- You're fucking gorgeous Mammon. You have it all, the looks, the voice, the confidence, the experience, but me- I just- I don't understand how you would ever do something like this with me. I'm just the mediocre nerd who's lucky enough to not be repulsive on a good day."

"What the hell, Yuki? Is that how you see yourself?" Mammon pulls the human in for a hug.

"I mean, how else can I see myself." Yuki murmurs. "Look at me."

"I am, and you're fucking sexy."

"I don't understand how you can say that."

"Because you are!" Flushed, Mammon leans in and kisses Yuki with agrowl. "You don't know how often you drive me wild."

Yuki is silent for a moment before speaking. "I don't understand, but... I know you aren't lying to me. I just- You're you, Mammon, a model with tons of fans who flirt with you, while the only people who try and get my attention want to copy my assignments or ask to cheat off of me during exams. It's obvious what people think of me, so how- Why do you, of all people, think I'm sexy?"

"Yuki, have you seen your face? Have you seen your body? Do you know how often you leave me all hot and bothered? I-" Mammon's face turns a darker pink and takes Yuki's hand, guiding it to hard cock. "Your voice, the way you called my name. The way you moved and moaned for me, I'm hard again because of how fucking sexy you are."

Yuki kisses him.

[trashyswitch]

The Truth Behind His Motives

Part 2 of The New Life of a Dying Afton

Michael is getting a bath and finally spills...not the water, but the reason behind Michael's choice of job. Henry tries to cheer him up in any way he knows.

For Lucius01.

Michael was feeling his body crumble more and more, the longer he floated in the tub. But boy, did the bath feel good. It felt amazing to him. Felt like the world’s problems were lifted off his shoulders...for just a moment.

“So tell me: Why did you apply to Circus Baby’s Pizza world?” Henry asked.

Michael groaned and opened his eyes. Damn...He was looking forward to just sleeping there...in the tub.

But...He’s gotta answer the man.

“I…”

But...what should he say? Should he tell him the truth? Or cover up the truth? He could feel it coming on...an urge to bawl his eyes out. To just weep and let it all out. But...He would be seen as weak by doing that.

“Come on...tell me. If you need to cry, then cry.”

It was like being given permission, finally broke the dam open. Michael bursted out crying and hid his face in his hands out of pure embarrassment. It all welled up to the front for the first time, and poured itself out. It felt great to finally cry, but it also felt embarrassing. It was a big mix of emotions that all climbed up to fall out of him.

With all the crying, he was starting to finally lose his filter.

“I miss him.” He told him. “I hate him, but I miss him!”

Henry’s face softened. Oh gosh…This is the deep pain that Michael had been holding in.

“WHY DO I MISS A MURDERER?!” Michael shouted.

Henry let out a sigh and scratched the back of his head. “Well…”

Michael sobbed. He hated acting like this...He hated acting vulnerable and expressing his depressive thoughts.

“Sometimes love is very complicated. It can make us love terrible people, and miss the memories despite how little there are.” Henry tried to explain.

Michael continued to double over and cry. He could hear his tears plopping into the bathtub. He felt like a complete loser. His father would’ve reprimanded him for crying so much. But Henry...wasn’t like that.

“You hold so many things inside that little heart of yours.” Henry told him.

He had a good point...He really does hold things in his heart. And now was the time to get it all out.

“I...It gets stronger with every passing day!” Michael told him. He wiped the tears off his face and looked at Henry desperately. “I feel an urge to meet him! See him! Feel him, anything with him!” Michael explained. “But I can’t!”

Henry smiled. “I get those too…I would kill to hear William’s laugh again.”

Michael sniffled. “I wanna hear his voice again. His real voice. Not his broken voice.” Michael started to rock as he talked to him. “I started to use a coping strategy.”

“Yeah?” Henry responded softly. He sounded really interested...And he genuinely was.

“I started writing letters to him...My therapist told me to.” Michael told him. “It helps a bit...Helps me feel close to him again…”

Henry nodded and continued to listen.

“But there are some days when it’s not enough...Some days, I need more. So much more.” Michael told him. “I need to be where he is. I need to talk to him...Ask him things that constantly fill my mind.” Michael told him.

“Like?”

“Like...Why did you do it?” Michael asked. “Why did you have me? If you love me, why did you do what you did?”

Henry nodded. “Trust me, I have those exact same questions.”

Michael nodded and growled. “I was sick of the hole in my heart. I wanted real answers!” Michael told him. “So…”

“You applied to a job that William used to run…and that Elizabeth is being held captive in…” Henry filled in the blanks.

Michael nodded and splashed the water angrily. “It was stupid. So stupid.”

Henry nodded. “It was...But I understand.”

Michael looked up at him.

“The truth is, the hole in your heart may never fill.” Henry told him. “But what you do with that hole, may make all the difference.”

Michael looked at him and sighed. “I...I found Elizabeth…” Michael told him.

Henry looked up. “You did?”

“Yeah…” Michael replied.

“How is she?” Henry asked.

“Stuck.” He replied.

“I imagine…” Henry told him.

Michael started to tear up all over again. “I miss her too.”

Henry walked up closer and hugged him. “I know.”

Michael continued to cry into the man’s sleeve. The pain of all he had gone through had been building up till this point. Now, it was all crashing apart. His world was upside down, and his body was decaying before his eyes.

“Now look at me…” Michael muttered, as he looked at the soggy dead skin that had fallen off as he bathed. It was everywhere...It would probably clog the bathtub. “I know…” Henry told him. “It’s both unimaginable, and disgusting at the same time.”

Michael chuckled a bit. “I’m a zombie.” He put his arms up like a zombie.

Michael actually laughed at that. “You really are! Barely awake, barely alive, heart’s maybe pumping but that’s about it.” Henry added.

Michael smiled for the first time at that moment. His teeth were still there despite the decaying body.

“I miss him.” He told him.

“I do too.” Henry said back. “Would it help if I told you some stories of when we were hanging out together?” He asked.

Michael nodded and leaned against the corner of the bathtub.

“So: there was this one time we took you to the playground when you were almost 2. Your father was ecstatic about going to the park with you for the first time. He couldn’t wait to see what you’d choose!” He told him.

Michael smiled.

“He let you go run, while I sat on a bench. I was questioning you going on your own, but I guess parents have to do it at some point.” Henry told him. “Anyway, you immediately ran to the swings first. So naturally, William started sprinting to the swing and wanna guess what he did?” He told him.

“He pushed me?” He asked.

“Nope!” Henry laughed. “He put you in the swing, and left you there while he climbed into the baby swing beside you!” He laughed. “He expected me to walk my ass over there, and push us both!” He told him.

Michael rolled his eyes and laughed. “Wow…”

“Wow is right!” Henry reacted. “Making me do all the work!”

“What did you do?” Michael asked.

“I tickled him.” He replied casually.

“You-...I’m sorry what?” Michael was surprised.

“The trick to handling his lack of common sense was to tickle him. And William, let me tell ya: William was the most ticklish man I have ever met, in my life! And he was just ASKING for it that day.” Henry told him.

Michael giggled in slight nervousness.

“His sides were the killer spot. You tickle him there? He’ll flop to the ground. Tickle him from standing? He’ll be on the ground in seconds.” He told him.

Michael laughed.

“Ahahahand his feet?”

“His feet were a good spot to go for when he was taking up the whole couch. All you had to do was keep tickling till he had his knees to his chest.” Henry told him. “And if he ever placed his feet on your knees afterwards? You just keep on going.” Henry told him.

“Wohohow! I guess I now know why I’m ticklish everywhere.” Michael mentioned.

“Yeah! I guess so!” Henry reacted. “I never really thought ticklish spots could be genetic. But, I suppose they are.” He told him.

Michael shrugged his shoulders. He didn’t really know much about genetics. But he did know about the dominant and recessive genes.

[A while later:]

Michael had walked up to Henry after having his bath.

Henry was waiting for Michael on the couch, with an evil looking grin on his face.

“What?” Michael asked with a chuckle.

“Oh nothing…” He said, clearly not meaning it.

“Don’t nothing me! Something’s up.” Michael told him.

“You’re right…” Henry said with a sly smirk.

“What are you planning?” Michael asked as Henry got up.

“Oooooh...ya knooooww..” He walked around Michael and squeezed his sides.

“EEEHEHEHEHEHEHE!” He laughed, doubling over.

“Oooooh! Just as ticklish on your sides, I see!” Henry reacted.

“COHOHOHOME OHOHON! YOHOHOU AHAHALREADY TIHIHICKLED MEHEHE TOHOHODAHAHAY!” Michael reacted.

“Did I?” Henry asked. “Oh yeah! I did, didn’t I?” Henry realized.

“YEHEHEHES!” Michael laughed happily.

“Well maybe I wanna tickle you some more!” Henry reacted.

Michael felt trapped under Henry’s wiggly fingers. His sides were almost as ticklish as his Dad’s were.

“Wow! I wonder...Are your hips just as ticklish?” He asked.

Michael widened his eyes. NO! “NAHAT THERE!”

“Not where?” He squeezed them. “Here?”

Michael absolutely EXPLODED with laughter! His hips were a super bad spot!

“Funny...I don’t remember William’s hips being this ticklish! Though, I do remember William mentioning how ticklish your mother’s hips were.” Henry reacted.

“REHEHEHEALLY?” He reacted.

“Yeah! Her hips were a really bad spot. And her only spot! Her hips seemed to make up for the lack of tickle spots on her whole body. It was quite the interesting contrast compared to William.” Henry explained.

Michael's smile grew brighter and brighter the longer he was tickled. It felt just as nice as being in the tub. He was truly getting the treatment today!

“OHOHOKAHAHAHAY, BREHEHEHEAK PLEHEHEHEASE!” He begged.

Henry nodded and gave him a break. He stopped tickling him and let him go.

Michael didn’t really lack the air to breathe, being he was mostly dead. So the man recovered rather quickly.

“Thahahank you Dad.” He said in a giggly trance.

Henry widened his eyes and quickly covered his mouth. He hadn’t been called Dad since Charlie!

Henry could feel the tears coming on. “Oh no, here comes my turn to cry…” He admitted with a laugh.

Michael quickly comforted him. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.” Michael told him.

“Ihit’s fine. It was nice of you to call me Dad. I needed that.” Henry told him.

Michael smiled and hugged him. “No problem...Dad.”

Aaaaand a lot more tears were shed that evening.

This fanfic is a personal take on Daddy Issues (Which I have). The truth is, I have 2 Dad's: A birth Dad, and an adopted Dad. My adopted Dad is the greatest man I've ever met. My birth Dad...is broken. I really wanted to illustrate what it's like to hate someone you love, and explain that need to see someone you love despite the hate you feel towards them. It's super complicated, but I tried to explain it here as a therapy of sorts for me. I hope this explains some things.

[starlightsearches]

Drag Queens and Diamond Rings

Clyde Logan x Reader (F)

Requests Are Open ✨

AN: This is a just a silly little story I had an idea for a while ago and I wanted to write it down. This is fluff, some discussions of marriage 😘 I'd love to hear your thoughts!!

Their hair enters first.

Big, tall wigs—and even bigger personalities—Clyde does a double take when the three ladies seat themselves at the bar top in a shower of glitter and giggles, their long lashes kicking up a breeze that sends a chill over his skin.

He’s seen ladies like these before, on the television, performing in pageants like Sadie used to do. What did Mellie call them again?

That’s right, drag queens.

The bar is empty—it’s a little too early for his regular customers to be in just yet, and it’s nice to have some work to do at this time of day. Clyde lets out a deep breath.

“Hello ladies,” he says, throwing the towel in his hand under the bar, “what can I get for ya?”

The one nearest to him smiles, stretching her mouth wide, showing off a perfect row of white teeth behind her shiny pink lips. Her skin is smooth and glittered, the cotton candy curls of her wig pooling against her forehead. “Well, well, well,” she says, stretching her gloved hand forward for a shake, “hi handsome.”

He takes it, palm sweating, as the rest of them introduce themselves, offering him silly names like Jurrasica Park, and Hazel Nutt. The last girl takes his hand, she’s got electric blue eyes, too blue to be natural, and ice blonde hair resting over her bare shoulder. She winks one heavy black lash, her voice low and sultry.

“My name’s Aura.”

Clyde flushes. These gals are real nice—and a little bit easier to work with than some of his other clients—but this isn’t the kind of attention he’s used to. He pulls his hand back, rubbing it on his jeans, the back of his neck growing warm.

Then he feels your fingers at his bicep, and he can breathe again, your familiar touch instantly bringing him calm.

“Sorry ladies,” you say, his saving grace as always, “but he’s taken.”

The rest of the girls laugh, a few of them faking some over-the-top tears, but Aura is determined.

“Hold on, wait just a minute—” she says, reaching for your left hand, examining it with an analytic stare, hamming the action up with a cheeky glance towards her friends, “—if he’s your man, why am I not seeing a ring, hmmm?”

The rest of the girls erupt in a chorus of ooooohs, and you laugh along.

“I guess because he hasn’t asked me yet,” you say with a shrug, pulling out a few glasses. “Tell you what, we can fight over him in the parking lot later. How about a drink first?”

Aura kisses her teeth, but eventually reaches for the glass, taking a sip. “Alright, but don’t think I’m gonna forget.”

Clyde stands at your side, watching you take their orders, listening to the five of you laugh.

“Hey, sweetheart,” you turn to him, stroking your hand down over his arm “would you mind getting some ice from the back?”

“Are ya sure ya don’t want me to handle this, darlin’?” he asks, shifting from foot to foot. You don’t usually like to work the bar on your own.

“You know I can’t carry those buckets by myself,” you say with a little frown, and even though you’ve filled the ice on your own plenty of times, he walks into the back, gnawing on his lip as he shovels some ice into the buckets.

Because he hasn’t asked me yet. Those words play on repeat in the back of Clyde’s mind. Did you mean it?

You might have been joking. It was an off-hand comment, but he can’t get it out of his head: you with a shiny diamond ring on your finger, you in a white dress, in his bed night after night, in his trailer every morning, in his life, for forever.

He wants that real bad, so bad it could kill him. But do you?

He takes both the buckets in one hand, lifting them still with relative ease as he makes his way back to the front, plopping them both down on the bartop. You’re still giggling along with the queens, a drink of your own in your hand as you ask them about their dresses, and their makeup, and the shows they do.

Clyde’s still in his own little world as he takes the first ice bucket and empties it into the cooler drawer, ice rumbling as it pours. He doesn’t know that the bar’s gone silent until after the bucket is empty.

“What’re y’all staring at?” he turns, feeling eyes on him. His face grows warm when he sees the way you're tracing over the contoured muscle of his arm with your gaze.

You smile, looking a bit embarrassed yourself. “Nothing, love. You’re just real handsome.”

He flushes down to his toes, turning back to the other ice bucket, but he doesn’t miss the soft whisper from across the bar.

“Damn girl, you’re one lucky woman.”

After a few more rounds the ladies leave—apparently Aura did forget him after a few shots—and the regular crowd arrives, keeping both you and Clyde busy until last call.

You’re mopping the floor as he restocks the bar, working together in companionable silence as you clean up for the night. He swallows, glancing at you periodically, nerves crawling up his arms like flies.

“Hey,” he says, too quietly—it seems you’re lost in thought—and he clears his throat, waiting for you to look at him, “did ya mean what you said . . . before?”

“About what, love?” you ask, ringing out the mop before setting it to the side.

You’re leaning up against the bar, smiling at him. He’s had so little peace in the last few years, so much hurt. It didn’t stop when he met you, but it got . . . quieter. He likes knowing that you’ll be here when he needs you.

“About—” he swallows, his lips pressed together in a pout, “—marryin’ me?”

Your eyes go wide, stiffening up like a deer sensing something in the brush, unsure whether or not it’s a predator. It takes a moment for you to relax, dropping your shoulders, vulnerability on full display. “Yeah, Clyde, I meant it.”

Oh. He can’t help but beam, the two of you giggling at each other, high on sincerity, on knowing you’re wanted in the way you’re wanting.

“Alright. Good. That's- that's real good to know. I’ll, uh, I’ll be right back.”

He walks quickly to his office, shutting the door behind him before picking up the receiver, dialing Jimmy’s phone number with shaking fingers. The phone rings in time with the tap of Clyde’s boot against the floor.

“Hey Clyde,” Jimmy’s voice crackles over the phone, his words heavy with sleep, “d’you know what time it is?”

Clyde doesn’t answer his question. He’s only got one word for his brother.

“Cauliflower.”

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

Dream SMP Recap (January 30/2021) - Bad's Visit, Ranboo’s Confrontation

The day has come. It’s time to visit Pandora’s Vault again.

The first visitor after Tommy is Badboyhalo, whose visit with Dream leaves him a bit uneasy, conflicted about how he feels about the living conditions of Dream’s cell. 

The second was Ranboo, though his visit wasn’t exactly what it seemed at first...

---

Here is the link to Badboyhalo’s VOD

(I’ve been a lot more specific with the details of what happened in this stream since the VOD is unlisted, but I figured I’d also just link the VOD here as well)

This post is pretty long, so I’ve only recapped the two very lore-heavy streams today to keep it from being even longer.

---

Also note (CW/TW):  Today’s streams had some heavy themes, including derealization. 

---

- Badboyhalo goes to visit Dream at the prison.

- Awesam asks him questions. This will be the first time that Bad has visited Dream at all. He resides at the Mansion. He hesitates a little at the question of whether Dream deserves to be locked up, saying an uncertain “yeeeeesss?”

His prior relationship with Dream is that they were friends. Were friends before he chose to destroy L’manburg. Maybe not 100% not friends, but...neutral.

- Sam directs him to the lectern with the waiver. Bad signs it. He places his valuables in the locker room.

- They start heading through the security measures of the prison. They make it to the lava wall and wait for it to drain. Bad is nervous.

- He turns to face Dream. Dream says he hasn’t had a visitor in a while.

- Dream starts spinning the clock.

Dream: “I used to write, but I...burnt a lot of my books.”

Bad checks the chest and sure enough, many of the books are missing.

Dream would try to get out, so Sam disallowed visitors for a few days.

Bad: “I bet you have a lot of time to think about what you did.”

Dream: “Yeah, I do...It’s a...think and think and think.”

- Dream asks Bad about how George and Sapnap are doing. He says they haven’t visited him...

Bad says he’s sure that George and Sapnap miss him.

Bad: “You’re telling me they haven’t come by at all?”

Dream goes over and starts spinning the clock again.

- Dream asks Bad about what’s been happening outside. Bad tells Dream about how Tommy is starting a hotel. 

Bad: “I’m sure a lot of people miss you!”

- There’s still a giant Crater where L’manburg used to be. Nobody’s tried to clean it up. 

- Bad also mentions the Egg. Dream remembers Bad showing him the Egg a while back. Bad says that it’s spreading Vines across the server.

Dream: “That’s interesting...”

- Bad asks if Dream’s named the clock yet. Dream says he has, but he doesn’t want to say what...

- Dream writes up a thank-you book to Bad for visiting him. Bad wouldn’t be able to take it with him on the way out, so he puts it in the chest.

- Bad asks how long his sentence is. Dream says forever. 

- Dream says he likes to watch the clock, and when it hits halfway...he’s happy. They watch the clock hit halfway. That was awesome.

- Dream asks Bad how long he’s been in there. Bad says...a couple weeks, he thinks? A week? Two weeks?

- Bad asks who else has visited. Dream says Tommy. The only one until Bad. Bad is shocked that no one else has visited, but Dream explains that there are limited visiting hours, and people have to schedule. He’s sure they will.

- Dream says he sometimes plays a prank on Sam by burning the clock so that he brings a new one, so that he can see Sam and say hi.

Dream: "He comes over." 

Bad: "I mean, you don’t get in trouble for doing that, do you?" 

Dream: "...Not yet...Sometimes he'll give me less potatoes, but--" 

 Bad: "Oh, so he starves you." 

Dream: "...No, I’m not saying -- I dunno, I wouldn’t say I’m starving."

Bad: “Do you have three square meals a day?”

Dream: “...”

Dream: “I have potatoes!”

Bad: “Yeah, potatoes are good!”

...

Dream: “He’ll do it later.” (chuckling) “Later he’ll come and he’ll say ‘why did you do it again?’ And then he’ll look at me and say ‘don’t be so dumb, Dream!’ And I’ll laugh at him, and I’ll say ‘oooooh, I -- I got you though!’”

- Dream tosses the clock into the lava and laughs. 

- Dream says Sam is making a system soon so that he can just drop the potatoes down so that he doesn’t have to visit Dream to give them. Bad doesn’t like the idea of this and says Dream should encourage Sam to continue visiting Dream in person.

- Dream sniffs a bit, but tells Bad he’s happy there.

- Bad will become a guard soon, and says he might be able to suggest giving Dream new things. He suggests a plant. Dream likes that idea. 

- Bad asks who Dream wants to visit. Dream says he wants George and Sapnap to visit him. Bad says he’ll go and talk to them about it. They probably already want to come and see him! Maybe they just need a little reminder.

Bad: “Yeah, and if you keep up -- I assume you’ve been maintaining good behavior, right?”

Dream: “...”

Dream: “...Yeah.”

Bad: “Okay, ‘cause like you gotta maintain good behavior, ‘cause if you. maintain good behavior --”

- Dream suddenly runs into the lava. Bad is freaked out, but Dream says he swims there sometimes. That’s just how it works. It’s a way to keep entertained.

Sometimes he likes to touch the lava and burn for some time, only extinguishing himself at the last second. He laughs a bit. Bad asks if this is another way to prank Sam? Dream just keeps laughing.

- Dream says Bad’s time is probably up. 

- Dream asks Bad if he knows how long each block would take to break? He says he’s sat for twenty minutes once trying to break the blocks. 

He helped design it, though, and knows that there’s an observer behind the blocks that will teleport the guards. Maybe if he wants to see Bad sometime, he can break it and teleport him over.

- Bad says maybe he’ll visit soon again, but with George and Sapnap. Dream says there’s only one visitor allowed at a time.

- Bad says his goodbye and exits the cell.

- Sam asks how his visit was. Bad says it was good, but Dream needs a new clock. Sam is exasperated -- this was the fourth/fifth (hard to hear) time already -- and says he might not get a new one this time...

He’ll give him a new clock, but Dream’s on thin ice.

- Bad tells Sam he needs a clock! Sam asks why he would need one. 

- Sam asks Bad what Dream said. Bad said they just talked about stuff, and that Dream jumped into the lava. Sam says he does that a lot, that “usually he just wants attention.”

- Bad exits the prison, thanking Sam. Sam says goodbye.

- Bad says he doesn’t know how he feels. It’s a lot to take in. On the one hand, Dream did plenty to land himself in the prison, but on the other hand, the conditions of the prison are horrible. 

- Bad says there’s no way he could ever be broken out, and he doesn’t even deserve to get broken out anyway. He was going to kidnap Skeppy! 

But at the same time, a part of Bad can’t help but feel a bit sorry. 

It’s not too much to feel a bit sympathetic about the conditions, and hope that they can be improved a tiny bit. Maybe giving him a plant! Or a pet!

- Bad plans to become a guard to incentivize better conditions.

- Bad thinks Dream deserves to be in there, and he doesn’t want to free him, just provide better conditions. He was spinning a clock just for entertainment! 

Even prisoners deserve good living conditions. 

(To paraphrase) He totally deserves to be in there! But the conditions are awful. There’s no reason why being there needs to be torture. And having more friends coming to visit him is good, providing a positive influence. 

- Bad was a little horrified. He didn’t know what to say when Dream started spinning the clock. He named the clock! Pretty soon he’ll be counting up the bricks in his cell and naming them, too. 

He thinks a pet, a potted plant, something like that would be a good start. Something for Dream to take care of.

- Bad was a little unnerved about how Sam was acting in the prison, like he didn’t care or was apathetic. 

- Dream belongs in the prison, but there’s a difference between torture and just locking someone up. Dream is in there because he’s a danger to others, but his stay there doesn’t have to be torture. 

What else could they get him?

Maybe...a jukebox and some music discs? Bad has music discs he could gift him. Maybe music can lift his spirits.

Or perhaps some paintings to lift the spirit of the room.

- Bad examines the growth of the Vines. He’s noticed that the Vines aren’t growing past the border of the Holy Land. 

- Bad speaks with Quackity. He asks about Dream being in prison -- question, would it be too much to ask about improving the living conditions in the prison?

Quackity says maybe they could “improve his living conditions” by building another wall or bullying him. 

- Bad says Quackity should go and visit him. Quackity is planning to. Maybe then they can discuss it. 

Quackity says that now he’s thinking about it...they do have quite a bit of leverage. Maybe he could reconsider it...a plan to provide him with more comfortable living, but any comfortable living comes with a price...people would owe him.

Bad doesn’t like that idea. It sounds manipulative. 

Quackity: “At what point has Dream given you anything? At all? Has he ever helped you? Exactly. So listen to me, okay? What we need to do is get something out of comfortable living. I’m sure he’d love comfortable living, Bad. So that is why we need to go to him and strike him a deal...”

Bad: “What can he give us? He’s imprisoned.”

Quackity: “I know exactly what he can give me.”

- Quackity leaves the call. 

- Bad wasn’t sure if he should’ve told Dream about the Eggpire so he didn’t, because he was worried it would make Dream more sad.

--- From here on, all of this takes place on an alternate server ---

- Ranboo starts off in the panic room, looking at his sign. Today’s the day.

“After today? He’s gonna know who I am. He’s gonna know exactly who I am.”

- Ranboo starts heading over. The construction sign at the hotel site is completely blacked out.

“Dream’s not the one in danger here...so I could get rid of him if I wanted to...I could get rid of him if I wanted to. But then other people couldn’t come back...No, I couldn’t do that.”

- Ranboo goes in through the portal. He comes out into the Nether in an area not within the prison’s Nether chamber. Ranboo comes through and gets teleported to Sam for a moment.

- Sam asks him the questions. Ranboo says this is the first time he’s visited and Sam accepts his answer with no hesitation. He’s talking with a very cheerful tone of voice.

- Ranboo tells him he lives near Techno and Phil, and that he thinks Dream definitely deserves to be locked up. With regards to prior relations, he actually hasn’t spoken to Dream before...

- Ranboo needs the Memory Book with him. He gives it to Sam to inspect. Sam says he can allow it in, but Sam will have to transport it for him.

- As they go through, Sam notices that Ranboo is nervous and reassures him that everything’s fine. He is also always holding a clock in his offhand.

- Ranboo signs the waivers, the first as “Ranboo” and the second with “Ranboo2.”

- They make it to the lava wall and Sam gives Ranboo his Memory Book.

- Dream’s surprised Ranboo didn’t come sooner. They’re best friends, right? Ranboo says they’ve barely spoken. Dream says he’s probably talked to Ranboo more than anyone else on the entire server!

- Dream asks why Ranboo’s acting different? He then realizes. But he’s still glad to see Ranboo. He’s been a good helping hand, after all.

“You did do those things. After Dream told you to do them.”

- Ranboo points out the clock. Dream says he doesn’t really like it.

- Dream asks if Ranboo would like to see what he’s been writing, and hands him a book labelled

Do not read.

- Ranboo looks through the chest. Not only is the chest completely filled with books that weren’t there earlier, but every single one of them is labelled “Do not read.” They are all unsigned and unfinished, and there are no anvils in Dream’s cell.

Every single one of them is the same, 17 pages long unlike the 4-page book in Ranboo’s hand. 

“I know what I went through because I’m you!”

“Look, you’ve been helping Dream! The only reason you haven’t been talking to me recently is because you can’t picture what he sounds like...he would tell you thinks to do, you were like his little...servant!”

- Ranboo asks how it’s possible that he could help Dream so much and not remember any of it. 

“You do! You do because I’m you.”

 “I’m...I’m not even real.”

Dream disappears. The screen goes black. The white smile appears without the crown. The crown flashes in code:

“Not free yet.”

---

Upcoming Events:

- The next Tales From the SMP episode

- Tommy’s next visit with Dream

- Bad wants to visit Dream again in the future

- Tubbo’s possible visit with Dream

- Quackity’s possible visit with Dream

- Puffy’s visit with Dream

- Ponk’s visit with Dream

- Punz’s visit with Dream

- Jack Manifold’s visit with Dream

- The Eggpire possibly speaking with Technoblade