#like i’m glad you have an identity around that label or whatever i’m happy for you and all. but simply. not dating. is not an identity….

[livvyofthelake]

not in a relationship and don’t want one also not aromantic but rather a secret third thing called just kind of being a fucking loser

[ghostwriterofthemachine]

A Memo for Baby Aces and Aros

Happy Pride, friends. Have some words from the heart. 

My first point is this; it’s okay. Whatever you’re feeling, wherever you are, it’s totally okay. If people try to tell you it isn’t okay, fuck ‘em. You’re super young? It’s all good. You’re older? Super okay. You’re of an age where the fact that you’re having a sexuality crisis mortifies you? Cross-my-heart promise, it’s all okay. 

Maybe you’re in high school and you’re pretty sure you’re not straight, and sex is scary and people are scary but not being anything is scarier, and this is the safest label you have right now. That’s all good. Maybe you’ve been calling yourself something else for years and just had your “wait, not everyone feels the way I do?” moment. Also all good. Maybe you’re someone who started questioning, did some research, found this label, and it clicked into you like a key in a lock. Guess what, also all god-damn good. 

People like to do a lot of policing of this community. They’ll tell you this identity is something made up in the 90s. They’ll tell you that you are this way because you’ve been traumatized, and to get out of queer spaces and into therapy. They’ll tell you to sit down, shut up, and stop looking for attention. 

None of this is true. These people are wrong, and bigots. Not having a concrete word for something doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Before we had a word for electricity, electricity was still a thing. 

What you’re feeling is valid and it’s real and it’s certainly not straight. It does not follow the compulsory het worldview. That’s queer. You’re queer. You’re gunna figure it out. And maybe one day you’ll have a realization that this wasn’t the label for you after all. That’s also all good! I’m glad you got to rest here. I’m glad being here, with us, brought you comfort. The act of being a person is very fluid. Labels exist to make you feel good, not for the rest of the world. It’s okay to give yourself room to figure things out. I encourage you to do so!

You also might be feeling a lot of icky feelings of brokenness right now. That is, from what I have seen and experienced, the unfortunate unifying force among aro and ace folks. The world is a metronome and you’re a step off of the beat. There is a supposed Unifying Human Trait that you have no access to. You are looking around you and seeing things that you just don’t feel. Everyone is telling you that you should feel these things. There’s a good chance that you want to feel them. There’s a good chance that you feel like your life will be better if you did. 

And we’re back at the first point — it’s all okay. That feeling is okay, even if it’s icky. You’re not a bad person for feeling it, or wishing you were different. It happens. You’re going to be okay.

Cause here’s the thing: feeling broken is not being broken. And you aren’t. 

You’re gunna find people who care about you the way you deserve to be cared about, however that is, however you need them to. It’s going to feel good to just exist as yourself. You’re going to be so god damn good. 

Welcome to the first step! There’s a word for you. I promise you’re not alone. It’s all going to be good. Everything you’re feeling is fine. It’s all okay. 

Happy Pride. I love you so much.

[twink-between-worlds]

am i a girl? am i a boy? do i really care?

haha find the title in the fic the reward is feeling good abt it /j happy pride month!! kickin it off with QPR ravioli ft. legend figuring theirself out 

relationships: legend & ravio (theyre married, but its entirely platonic)

ao3 link; x

Legend is always coming and going.

They barely get time at home, with their friends and family. But they’re here now. Home, with Ravio. Sure, it’s only been a few days.. But, unfortunately, it’s the longest Legend has ever been here. Maybe it’ll last longer? Legend wasn’t alone, of course they weren’t, they had their friends—or are they family?—with them. Life is good for now…which is, in their experience, never a good thing. “You’re worrying again.” Legend jumped slightly, glancing over their shoulder to see Ravio settling down behind them. “Don’t sneak up on me like that, Rav. You’re lucky I don’t have a weapon.” “You do have a weapon.”Ravio mumbled, leaning over and attempting to kiss Legend’s cheek, only managing to land the kiss on their jaw instead. Legend doesn’t know why he does that, it’s always been a thing. “You keep a knife in your right boot all the time.” “Damn, gonna have to hide it somewhere else now ya know.”Legend mumbled, cracking a grin when Ravio snorted loudly. “Your family is having a very interesting conversation inside.” “Yeah?”Legend shifted, leaning their back against Ravio’s chest as the other wrapped his arms around them. “Mhm. They’re talking about gender and sexual identities.”Ravio whistled. Legend fell quiet, eyes glued to the sky. “Glad I skipped out on that one.” Ravio hummed, silently asking why. Legend doesn’t know. Well—they do. But they don’t know their sexuality, and is there even a term for their gender? They don’t have one set of pronouns—they use four sets; he/him, she/her, they/them, and bee/bees—but what does that fall under? Legend doesn’t know. “You’re my best friend, right? Besides Four.” Ravio giggled faintly. “Besides Four, yep!” “And I can tell you anything?” “Anything you’re comfortable sharing, Mr. Hero. I won’t push.” Legend shifted until their head was resting on Ravio’s chest, pink and gold eyes staring up into green. Ravio’s not wearing his hood today—maybe he forgot it. “I don’t know what I am. Or if I even have a label…or if I even want one.” “Oh.”Ravio hummed, playing with Legend’s hair. “Well, you don’t need a label if you don’t want to. I don’t use labels, not really. I can try and help you figure it out, if you want?” “Really?” “Of course, Mr. Hero! We’re platonic life partners, after all.” “...okay.” “Okay?” “Okay.” “So…you know what pronouns are. What’re yours?” “Um…I use more than one.” “What are they?”Ravio hummed, waiting patiently. “Um. He/Him, She/Her, They/Them…and um…”Legend trailed off. People have made fun of them for the last set before. Ravio wouldn’t do that, he’s so understanding…but…still. “Take your time.”Ravio smiled a gentle smile, running his fingers through the hero’s hair. Ravio said before that Legend’s hair is as soft as a rabbit’s fur—though, he didn’t understand why Legend finds that absolutely hilarious. “Bee/Bees. I know, they’re not…normal…but I like them and—” “You don’t have to explain. I think they suit you, honeybee.” “...you don’t think they’re weird?” “Who am I to judge? Your pronouns are yours. Anything can be made into a pronoun if you’re not a coward.” Legend snorted, covering their mouth to muffle the laughter that cracked out. Of course Ravio is the one saying something like that. “I don’t think I know yours, bunny.” “My pronouns?”Ravio tilted his head, smiling when the other nodded. “Well, I use He/Him and Bun/Buns pronouns. But I don’t really care how people refer to me. It’s whatever, y’know?” Legend nodded quietly. “Okay, do you know your sexuality? Or, well—do you have an interest in romance, and towards whom if you do?” “Ah, now the difficult one. Um. I’ve admittedly only fallen in love once, with a girl. But—But I’m attracted to men too? I dunno..” “That’s okay. You don’t always figure this out quickly. It takes time.” “I wish it didn’t.”Legend mumbled with a gentle frown. “I wish—I wish I could just. Know who I am. But I don’t! I mean—Am I a girl? Am I a boy? Do I really care?” Ravio let out a soft sigh, resting his head on Legend’s own with a small smile. “We all wish we could wake up one day and know who we are, what we’re s’posed to do…but…it’s not as easy as we wish.” Legend let out a heavy breath, nodding. “Yeah..I know. I just—it’s been years, and I’m…tired, bunny. I’m sick of not knowing.” “And that’s okay, honeybee.”Ravio assured, kissing the tip—or, well, lack thereof, this was Legend’s left ear which has the tip missing—of the other’s ear. “It’s okay to get tired of not knowing yourself. I get it, I do. But you’ll get there, I know you will—I’ll even help you every step of the way if you’d like me to.” Legend sighed softly, seeming to melt further into the Lorulean. “Lolia, what would I do without you?” “Curl up in a ball and die, probably.”Ravio stated bluntly, bursting into laughter when Legend let out a very loud snort. “I wouldn’t do that.” “Mm, you would. You get injured a lot, honeybee.” “....true.”Legend sighed. “I think I know the term for my sexuality.” “Yeah?” “I think I’m bisexual. Four—Four once explained it to me, talking about..”Legend paused for a second. “Himself. I think it fits me too?” “And…gender identity? Still a mystery?” “Still a mystery, unfortunately.” “Well, we’ve got plenty of time.”Ravio smiled. “...you think you can get offa me now? My legs are dead.” “Mmh…no.”Legend grinned, watching as Ravio playfully rolled his eyes. Legend doesn’t like help, but.. Gently, they held Ravio’s hand and laced their fingers together. “Help me figure myself out?” A grin from the merchant, who placed a kiss on the hero’s nose.

“Of course.”

[matan4il]

Hi hi, worried about Eddie not talking about his sexuality in therapy anon here!!!! Thank you so much for replying, and to your other anons for continuing such a wonderful conversation!!!! You are all so smart and discerning and have all majorly reassured me. I feel much better about the presence or lack of that convo now. But just wanted to mention that I didn't mean Eddie talking about/realizing his feelings for Buck specifically - i just really really want him to acknowledge that there was something Not Straight about the panic attacks in the first place!

Like, when it comes to identity and relationships I feel like 911 can be very official status/label-oriented. (As can all of television to be fair.) Athena's whole relationship deal was about her dealing with losing her husband and gaining an ex-husband, and dealing with that change and creating a new relationship there, and then she went almost straight to gaining a husband again in Bobby. Hen and Karen are definitively lesbians. When buck was sorta dancing around Taylor the whole show and the other characters needled and mocked him about the ambiguity of the relationship. There are probably other examples of this kind of stuff too but that's just off the top of my head.

So you saying that Eddie doesn't need to experience a definitive moment about his sexuality or label anything, I 1000% agree. I don't want him to be forced into a label or anything, I think letting people be ambiguous about labels in fiction is amazing!!! But, I just don't feel like the show will allow him to live in and be at peace with that ambiguity just based on how they've written relationships in the past, you know? That's why I feel this way about what Eddie addresses in therapy. Of course I'm not the meta expert you are and am still a pretty big 911 noob so my assessment can be and probably is totally wrong though!!!

Hi worried about Eddie sexuality coming up in therapy anon! XD I’m gonna link to this post to keep the replies more or less connected... Thank you for writing in and I’ll second you in thanking the other Nonnies keeping this conversation going with great additions!

I’m so glad you feel reassured, and I also agree with you that 911 (like the majority of shows and films) mostly has monosexual characters (i.e clearly straight or gay) and it bothers me that we don’t have a single bisexual character. I do think that this door has been left open for Buck, through all sorts of teasing and hints going back to s1 even, and I do think it would be great if Eddie could represent coming to terms with sexuality at a later stage in life, where things don’t need to be as clearly defined, he just needs to accept that it’s okay to embrace happiness in whatever form it comes. I’m no meta expert, I’m just a person sharing my thoughts online TBH, but I think shows don’t like giving two characters the same exact storyline at the same time. Similar is possible and even welcome, since it creates all sorts of interesting parallels, but the exact same thing? Good TV shows tend to wanna avoid that. So I think that’s one good way for 911 to pull off Buddie going canon, with Buck less bothered about it ‘coz on some level he always knew he liked both boys and girls, while Eddie struggles a bit more, but eventually coming to simply accept that it’s okay to embrace what he has with Buck, whatever his romantic past or his perception of what he should be attracted to might have been. You’re not wrong, shows do prefer clarity on issues of sexuality ‘coz then they avoid being accused of having “turned” a character gay (I am so full of rage over this stupid accusation), but if 911 decides it’s brave enough to make Buddie canon, I believe it can be brave enough to go the more open-ended route as well.

Hope you’re having a terrific day, lovely! xoxox

(I got an influx of asks, I WILL answer all of them, but it might take a sec. If anyone wants to check whether I've already answered theirs or to read my replies, here's my ask tag. Thank you! xoxox)

[multifandom-girlie]

𝐀𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭 𝐌𝐞

Imagine: You used to be a man until you wanted a sex change. You became a girl but when you met Elijah you feel slightly insecure and he reassures you your perfect.

Pairings: Elijah x Transgender!Human!Reader

Warnings: fluff

Words: 1033

My inspiration to write this imagine and a couple of others one of my favourites: @idjitbabysitter 💕.

A/N: This imagine was purely wrote because of the lack of imagines about this particular topic for the tvd fandom. I think equality is extremely important and that’s why I want to write more of these ! If this offends anyone I do apologise, that’s really NOT my intention. It’s purely for enjoyment purposes :)

I rolled over in the thick satin sheets of Elijah’s bed. Groaning at the intense rays of sunlight flooding the room. The expectation that I was going to finish my roll by landing on a cold and empty right side of the bed was massively wrong. Not only was it warm, it wasn’t empty. Elijah was for once still in bed when I wake up in the morning. I peeked my eyes open slightly to see his warm umber eyes staring into my own in happiness.

“I wasn’t expecting you to still be in my bed, ‘Lijah.”

He chuckled and kissed me on the forehead zealously before pulling away again and replying to my statement.

“Neither was I. However I came to realise that I didn’t actually have anything to do all day today, i’m all yours my love.”

My eyes became animated with excitement. We never got to do that; have a day where it’s just us and no one else. Free to do whatever we want, no disruptions.

“I’m more than glad about that, handsome.”

He grinned at me widely and placed a kiss on my lips, which I returned with a smile. The small kiss he placed was leading to a further destination when I put it to a stop and pulled away. Elijah’s eyes where the definition of confusion in that moment in time, I placed another kiss on his lips or stop his thought of worry and jumped out of bed.

“Don’t worry Mr Mikaelson. Believe me I really want to go there but not before I’ve had a shower.”

He flipped back onto the bed and I smiled and then walked over to the mirror. My smiled dropped a little seeing the scars littering my body. Initially the thought of becoming a girl was everything I dreamed of no matter the consequences. Only was it when it finally happened that I felt more need to not show myself off, sounds weird I know but when you’ve practically lived in a hospital your whole life and have a variety of scars all over you; some people are insecure.

Now I think about it, It probably wouldn’t have been so bad-the scars-if the first survey didn’t go wrong. When they started everything was going fine, except one of the surgeons where hugely clued out on what the surgery was. So they didn’t know what they were doing until being quickly briefed, although they’d already cut me open and I lost a lot of blood so they had to postpone my surgery. It was postponed a lot as well as I had a really rare blood type, AB Negative. So, if I lost to much blood again it could be dangerous and fatal. They almost told me that they weren’t willing to do my surgery at all as they couldn’t find any blood and they didn’t want to lose a patient.

Luckily my dad was chief of surgery and told them to do the surgery and he donated some blood, which definitely worked well in my favour. The rest of the scars on me are from other surgeries, like my SRS(Sex Reassignment Surgery.) I never went half way with anything and being a normal girl was my dream, so I wanted to be a girl inside and out. Whatever it took.

Now, here we are. Five years later, living with the love of my life and just now worried that he’s gonna hate me for being who I am. My frown deepened thinking that maybe secretly he does have a problem but because he’s a good man it wouldn’t say anything. I heard the ruffling of sheets behind me and Elijah looking at me through the mirror. He jumped up and sped over to me, circling his arms around my waist.

“What’s that frown for, my love ?”

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back on his shoulder. His fingers lightly traced the scars going down my abdomen.

“Do you care Elijah ? About who I am ? About my scars ?”

He closed his eyes and leaned down to kiss my neck lovingly, with no other intentions.

“Of course I don’t, Y/N. I love you. I don’t care that you used to be a male. I don’t care that people shame me for dating you because of it. I do care about you though. I believe your beautiful. I believe your are a women. If it’s what you identity as, then it’s what’s you are. It doesn’t matter whether you didn’t have your surgeries or you did. Even if you didn’t, I would still consider you as such. The scars are beautiful, don’t treat them as burdens or ugly. They’re beautiful.”

I stared at him through the mirror, tears streaming down my face. He has a way with words but that was everything I’ve wanted to hear since I was a child. My love for this man never differs. I turned around and wrapped my arms around his neck.

“What you just said was quite possibly the best thing I’ve ever heard and you heard how beautiful the vows were at my mom’s wedding.”

We chuckled together and kissed passionately.

“It did and they were beautiful. You know how I label myself the Noble man and I always tell the truth but I can guarantee you now, no truer words have I ever spoken.”

I hugged him as tightly as I could and couldn’t believe that the one of a kind man stood in front of me was actually here and no just in my dreams.

“I love you Miss Y/L/N.”

“I love you Mr Mikaelson.”

He pulled away from the hug and placed a gentle kiss on my lips before speaking.

“Now, can I take you to that bed and release every inch of love I have for you all over that beautiful body. Your making me starving.”

I chuckled at his forward-ness but nodded nonetheless. He picked me up as I squealed and he threw me on the bed and he did exactly as he asked.

I am beautiful.

No matter what.

He really makes me feel as beautiful as he always says too.

MASTERLIST

[werevulvi]

I hope these show up in the right order. This kinda stuff is exactly what makes me feel lost about my transness. Like I was just trying to be nice and agreed with this person's post. I had no interest in being an asshole or arguing what bio sex, or even what butch, is. I was just declaring myself as a bio female because it felt relevant to the topic and how I relate to it. It amazes me how even the pro self-ID types are against self-ID when someone identifies in a way that doesn't suit their narrative, even when it's a trans person whose identity they deny.

They blocked me and I don't want anyone going after them, I just wanna rant. And not even about this specific post or person, but more so about trying to exist as a gender critical trans person in general. I've been thinking about that for days, weeks, perhaps months or even years already, so it's really not about this specific person. I guess it was just what triggered me to finally start writing.

I guess I feel like both most other trans people and most other gender critical people, view transness as incompatible with gender critical opinions, and like that makes me feel pulled in two opposing directions. But anyone of any ideology can be dysphoric and transition because it helps them cope. I don't think that my opinions, or my choice to hang out with radfems, means that I'm self-hating, or even that I'm going against the needs of my own trans demographic. My own trans demographic is just all too good at confusing wants with needs... generally speaking. I see sex and gender the way I do because it makes sense to me personally, and I don't even argue that it's necessarily the objective truth. I don't think there is such a thing. It's just my truth, my perception of the world.

That I can't make myself see myself as a man for real, despite my dysphoria and transition, doesn't mean that I think it's wrong to transition, or that my body is damaged by it, or that transitioning is useless. Because it's not. I love my transition and everything it has given me. I'm comfortable with my transitioned body. It deserves love, especially my love. And although I still struggle with some insecurities, I feel like I love my body. It's been... incredibly good to me. It's stayed very healthy, and even keeping up a strong immune system despite my smoking, self harm, careless sexual escapades, etc. I may still have a fraught relationship with being female, but as long as I transition, I seem to be managing it fairly well. Except then I have a more fraught relationship with society instead. Can't win, but that's life, innit?

I don't think either my transness or my political opinions are my real problem or ever was. I think it's society's constant fighting about trans people's genders, lives and choices, that makes me constantly cave in on myself. Can't handle the pressure.

It feels like it's only ever getting worse. Ten years ago my biggest concern was people not ever finding me attractive because I was turning myself into some kind of a freak, which luckily I was proven to be wrong about. Five years ago my biggest concern was nonbinary people trying to normalize asking people their pronouns, which made me fear that people would never leave me alone about my gender, unless I forced myself to be hyper-masculine, which I still worry about. Three years ago my biggest concern was having been stripped of my sex-based rights and dehumanized for how I had chosen to treat my dysphoria, which I still worry about as well, and now...

...my biggest concerns are being treated as a third gender, fetishistic predator who should be shoved away into gender neutral spaces, and I fear that one day medical transition will be taken away as an option to treat dysphoria if transness is continued to be rejected as a medical condition. My heart rate is ever increasing. Can I even realistically "just go on with my life" anymore? I feel compelled to do something, but I also feel like there isn't anything I can do. No matter how many people I try to "educate" about dysphoria and why transition is incredibly important, all the while being as humble as I can, I am seriously lacking behind the much faster spread of harmful misinformation.

Thing is, I do not blame gender critical people for spreading some of that misinformation. For example of trans women as fetishistic predators, which people apply to trans men when they still fail to understand that MtF is not the only kinda trans there is, or when we dare to be just a little bit feminine while passing as male. If anything, I blame the true sources of such harmful claims, which slowly increase my anxious heart rate, over years, turning into decades, of living as openly trans. I blame opportunistic men who pretend to be trans women for gaining access to women's spaces, be it prisons, spas, shelters, sports, what have you, when they cannot possibly be dysphoric judging by how happily they swing their dicks around women as if it's no big deal and make no attempt at transitioning, but also who cares if they are dysphoric, no one should behave that way either way. I blame the trans rights activists who say lesbians have to suck dick if it's attached to a trans woman, and those who say that gay men have to be into pussy and date trans men. I blame those who say that trans women are bio female by virtue of identifying as female, and claiming that they can get periods, by virtue of... bowel cramps?! I'd also blame those who try to change female specific language on behalf of shielding trans men from our own dysphoria, in the rare cases we'd end up getting pregnant or manage to drag our asses to the gyno office for a pap smear, which... most of us really don't, regardless of if you call us women or uterus-havers, sincerely, please stop. It makes people think trans women are trying to take over the term "woman" entirely for themselves, which of course they don't.

I could go on, but I won't, as this post is not about these things. It's more so about how estranged I feel from the people who spout these things, knowing that they think they're speaking for me and my supposed needs as a tranny. But I see no point in trying to educate them, as they won't listen any more to me than they would to a radfem, and again, I think this post in my screenshots shows just how unwilling they are to listen to me.

I guess living with my transition on constant display is what's hard, and I guess I just need to vent about that, as it's always judged one way or the other; as either me having made myself into a man, or that I'm a delusional woman who mutilated herself; and it's kinda hard to find a kind and sane middle ground, that perhaps I'm just a victim of circumstances, and trying to make the most of my own life, regardless of what the fuck I am. That social shit, on top of dealing with dysphoria, makes it really difficult to not hate myself, I guess. But I have tried to live stealth and that made it if possible even worse, as it felt like I was lying, keeping a huge secret that grew in me like a spreading virus.

What I want is to just live my life, and for neither my bio sex, nor my transition, to stop me from doing that. I want to work through the worst of my autism, enough to be able to pursue a career in some low-paying labor, blue-collar job; get a car and driver's licence, find a suitable husband to have a child and cats with; I want my own garden, an art studio; I want to build muscle to become strong and even more independent (and perhaps strong enough to carry that husband, but at least to carry myself), and so on. When I picture myself in that potential future, it is with this male-like appearance I transitioned my body into, but it is also as a mother and wife.

And thinking about all of that makes me happy, it makes me smile and feel joy, meaningfulness, hope... While thinking about arguing online with some miserable fuck, who's deadset on arguing semantics and calling me a terf, when all I wanted was to show a little bit of kindness, that "hey, I agree with you, you make a good point here, and I'm not here to fight" only to be spat right back into my face... just makes me feel sad. Whatever happened to diversity of opinion? It's gone, it became labeled as bad, and left people like me with no place to be.

There is no point in arguing with such people, or even trying not to argue. There's no winning in that, there's no reward, no accomplishment. It's better to walk away.

I know I just have to get over this, this inner conflict of going against my transness with my gender critical opinions, and that I'm going against my womanhood with my transition - and be stronger than the political climate that's pulling me into pieces. But if it's peace that I want... I can just forget about it. There's no road there. But I have trouble letting go of that simple dream. The internet is constantly manipulating me into thinking I have an exciting social life, when in fact it's non-existent, and the lie is destructive. With internet vs real life, I'm living a double life. One of those lives has a future, the other one does not.

I'm glad I made this rant. It actually made me feel better, and reminded me that it's still worth it. Being trans, moving forward, focusing on what is good and what can become good in life. And it reminded me that the internet is merely an imitation of life, a substitute for human connection, and can... as with much else, be both good and bad.

[nightswithkookmin]

I am a hard Taekook shipper but recently Jikook have been melting my heart by being so cute and cudly and loving. I understand and i am sorry for so mhch hate from Taekookers but trust me Taekookers are a bit shaken right now. I cannot disclose my name here but i would like to say if Jikook is real or they decide to come out which i higly doubt then i am 100% in support and also ur page helped me open my eyes and see a diff sude of shipping which is needed alot more. I am Loving Love ryt now.

C'est la vie!

So sorry for the late response love. You've always been on my mind.

I get not every Taekooker is wild and rabid just as not every Joker is sane and fake woke. Lol.

I mean I'm still holding on to my grudge against your people for storming my business pages and leaving shit reviews on my books- and laughing about it? What was that? Damn. Had to change my author name and everything and I've since been publishing under an alias- let me tell you, it's no fun at all.

In retrospect, I shouldn't have called y'all's ship dead- but honestly it dead, it dried up like a drop of sweat on a dessert. What can I say? People just don't want the truth, lol- had these angry thirteen year olds and fake woke Jokers coming for my ass and my business ass on the flamingo app. Chilee. Your people don't want to be civil. Sigh.

Some people just have no sense of personal responsibility and when they get called out for it they slap you with the whole, 'no one asked you to put yourself and your business out there' - this creepy behavior and mental adroitness is not far from rapists blaming girls for wearing short shorts and mini skirts or thieves blaming people for not putting up a fence and shit to protect their property. It's fucked up.

And don't get me started on what they do to Jimin or JK... or even Tae- not to make you feel bad or anything. It's just my people suck, your people suck, we all suck square- don't apologize for it unless you plan on doing something to change it?

As for Taekook, yea I don't think there is anything wrong with shipping them. They have a beautiful bond, they are both visuals and both funny as hell. If you won't ship them I will. Lol.

Just know the reason you are shipping them? If you are shipping them because you genuinely believe they are a couple too then you need to stop shipping them and start supporting them?

And once you start supporting them then I think you'd sooner realize there isn't anything there to support in the first place. Lol.

I support Jikook because I believe with my full chest they are real and are closeted- emphasis on closeted. And for the record, they are the only queer couples in BTS.

Tae lost his queer card when he accidentally outed Jimin on that radio show. 'I think he likes men' yea, straight up het behavior. Lack of homo sensitivity.

Did you see JK's reaction when JM was asked to spill tea on their pervy behaviors behind cams? My butt quivered. Chilee, I thought he was gone out JK too. Damn.

I think the word real and closeted have come loose and cheap on these streets these days. I don't think most of these shippers when they throw it around fully understand the term or realise what it means and what it takes. If they did, they wouldn't randomly be labeling every ship as 'real' within the fandom.

If you believe Taekook is real and that they are equally hiding their sexuality as well as their relationship within the group, then you should understand how severe and traumatizing this fact is and would be for them as gay men?

The thing is, they are not just hiding parts of themselves and their identity for the sake of their careers or military or whatever if they are real, they are lying to millions, millions of people at a time about who they really are by keeping their identity a secret. Secrets are lies honey, however way we want to see it.

If they are real then they are concealing their true identity away from not just their families and friends- if they haven't come out to them, but acquaintances from work, businesses who wouldn't work with them otherwise, brands, sponsors, Heads of states, their fans....

It's one thing for a heterosexual to keep their heterosexual relationship a secret, it's another for a queer person to keep their queerness and or queer relationship a secret.

A lie as heavy as this is bound to take a toll on them, no matter how good they are at hiding it. A secret gets heavy before it gets easy. Not to sell you on anything but do you see any such secret taking a toll on Taekook? Because I see it taking a toll on Jikook.

Do you believe Taekook are closeted? Because I believe Jikook are.

Being closeted means they have to carry the guilt of knowing that each time they pander to heteronormative roles in variety shows or interviews, or imply by omissions that they are straight, or make generalizing statements about their sexuality to avoid addressing their sexuality directly or give it away, that they are lying to people and spewing half truths- seven years in a roll.

Being closeted is not a joke. It's heavy. I think you need to grasp this before you claim it for anyone.

People like to throw the 'closeted' phrase around willy nilly but fail to comprehend its weight and complexity and consequences especially for people that they believe are actually queer.

It's not easy lying to people about who you are. Unless you are a pathological liar and a psychopath, it's like drowning each day you wake up. You die a little each time. Your sexuality is a huge part of your identity and when you deny it for so long by lying and suppressing it, it's like shutting out a peice of yourself and silencing your own voice. The more you push it aside the louder it screams and the harder it fights to come out.

It's a state of constant internal struggle. You wake up everyday contemplating whether to risk the perfect life you've spent years building just so you can turn off the guilt that comes with keeping a secret of this nature.

And each time you get better at omitting or generalizing and evading questions that hint at your truth, the more you hate yourself and the more guilt you feel. This guilt can become a driving force that pushes you to make risky moves and take impulsive actions such as 'borderline outing your relationship'- does that sound like Taekook to you?

If you are not driven by the love you feel for your partner, you are driven by the guilt and neither is a great place to be if you are queer.

You lie everyday, you get caught up in the lies and soon you start believing in the web of lies you've woven around yourself such that you don't even recognize who you are or why you are, anymore. As such, you are constantly searching for yourself, to reconcile the bits you've hidden away and perhaps forgotten, and you keep exploring your identity because you are unsettled- honey, that sounds more like Jikook than Taekook to me but c'est la vie.

Being closeted is not about moments that get cut by editors, or less interactions, or being seperated or seated further apart from eachother. These are just ship street parlance. Being closeted is an attitudinal, internal attribute rather than external manipulations or influences- it's a science. Lol

Coming out may be risky for any of these boys if they are real, but I promise you hiding is much harder for them.

And so When I look at Taekook, and I see how beautiful they are yet I don't in God's honest truth see them 'dealing' with any or all of these struggles Jikook deal with or have dealt with at one point, in my opinion- forget the homophobia, the wanting to come out, the low key microaggressions they deal with even within the group- 'the Jk never stops crying,' 'the real men don't do this and that talk' talk, the toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia traits JK and Jimin used to exhibit in their early days talking about 'real men don't twerk,' 'real men don't wear rings on their pinky'- all the times Jimin have had to defend his masculinity or even femininity, or stand up for Kook's within the group. 'Men, men, men. What is men?'

Jikook are the only two within the group that in my opinion have struggled most with their identity, with embracing aspects of themselves; you hear them complain about 'living a lie' 'tired of hiding, lying' and all these are themes consistent with closet behavior that they've both explored in one way or the other and even as of 2020 they are still dealing with or 'exploring' their identities perhaps as a means to reconcile their true selves? I'm really struggling with this post because I don't wanna get salesy on your ass. Lol.

Don't get me wrong, Tae struggles and deals with issues too- mostly with loneliness, lowkey depression in my opinion, lowkey bullying- sometimes, lol and he often expresses a desire to find someone and be happy and yet 'his supporters' don't recognize that...

You can wait till Jikook come out officially as queer, if they ever chose to, to support them- Or you can choose to support them and love them now because that's what they need in order to officially come out as and when they choose to? Ok I'm being salesy. Lmho. I'll stop. Don't mind me. But think about it.

Ship whatever ship you want but support Jikook. It's all I'm asking. And by support, I mean don't exhibit any anti homosexual attitude towards them- deadass. You and I gone fight, square up toe to toe, if you do. Lol.

People don't need to be afraid of Jikook. They just need to treat them as human beings and not reduce them to a mere ship. They are a ship too yes, but they are more than that if you ask me.

You sound nice. I love you. I'm glad you enjoy my posts. Merry Christmas and cheers to our ships.

Keep supporting Jikook. Jikook is real.

Signed,

GOLDY

[stupid-stew]

two vent fics in as many days? me? nooooo.

the answer is actually yes. i am in crisis all of the time. here take a gender one because why the heck not it's 4:30 am and i have nothing to lose. luz, toady you are me. there is also a little bit of parent eda because what do you take me for? a fool? (Pronouns? AO3 link if that floats ur boat)

Luz Noceda had a lot of problems.

Sure, she was stuck in a hell dimension with no way home in sight, where her best chance of surviving was reliant on her having magic, of which she had none, and was separated from her mom, and was currently blaming herself for her surrogate mom having lost her magic, but that wasn’t the point right now.

Right now, Luz was focused on herself. That’s usually how these nights ended up, with her so lost in thought that she circled back to the root of the problem, she didn’t know who she was.

That wasn’t entirely true, she was Luz Noceda, average teen, lover of Azura, daughter of Camila, professional witch in training, student at Hexside School of Magic and Demonics, foe to an unlucky few, friend to most, the girl who had managed to outsmart the emperor and get herself stuck so far from home she might as well just give up now. Luz knew what she was, she was what other people knew her for, but who was she? Anyone’s guess, suggestions much appreciated.

She had grown up in an environment that exposed her to many different people, the internet. Yeah, maybe she had seen a lot of stuff way before she should have, but she also had the whole world at her fingertips, many types of people and experiences just on the other side of her screen, and it had led to some amazing things. Her mom had also been a big help, allowing Luz to question and experiment any which way she pleased, as long as she was happy and safe. That had helped Luz figure out who she liked, she was comfortable telling her mom she liked girls confidently at the ripe age of 10, Camila had of course been nothing but accepting.

That was easy enough, right? She knew exactly what she was, who she liked, hell she could figure out most people just by looking at them, so why couldn’t she figure out herself?

And that was where Luz was at, laying on the floor in her makeshift bedroom in the owl house, once again wondering what in the hell was a gender.

Luz was no stranger to this internal battle, it sort of came with the whole territory of figuring out your sexuality, but for the life of her she didn’t even know where to start.

Ok, she thought to herself, let’s start from the top. I don’t know where the top is. What is the easiest way to go about this. Most people start with pronouns, maybe that’s a good place to start? Luz let out a groan, this was going nowhere. Back on track. she/her. Simple enough, good solid pronouns. That’s what most people have called me forever. I'm comfortable with it, other people are comfortable with it, no, what other people think doesn’t matter, this is about me. Focus, Luz. Ok, she/her, fine. Though not always, doesn’t always feel right, how can words feel right or wrong that doesn’t even make sense. Whatever, most of the time she/her equals a girl.

Luz shivered at that, girl, the word had never felt right to her, something about it was gross in her mind. She had always hated being referred to as girl or daughter, but never had the guts to speak up about it in the moment. Luz chuckled to herself, and look where we are now. she/her moved to the maybe pile for now.

Next on the list was he/him. Luz smiled at that. Being a somewhat androgynous child for most of her life with short hair, being called her mother’s son at the grocery store was a fairly common occurrence. She recalled one time she was out with a couple of friends and some sweet old lady had said to them “you ladies have a nice day.” and then looked at Luz and added “oh, my bad, and gentleman.” Luz had to leave the store at that, her friends had assumed she was upset that the lady had called her a gentleman, but that wasn’t the case. She was more upset about having been singled out than anything, in fact she hadn’t at all minded being called a gentleman. It didn’t feel completely right, but it didn’t feel completely wrong either.

Ok, so pronouns, this is Luz, he is my apprentice. Eh, feels about the same as she. That’s so lame I was hoping there would be some sort of difference. The only discomfort is that i’m used to she, god my head hurts just thinking about this. Luz rolled over to her other side and covered her head with her sleeping bag. How can I feel literally the same about the two, I haven’t even left the binary, there’s only two options, one should be right, the other should be wrong. This is the same idea as answering an either or question and both options are the same but both are neither right nor wrong. It doesn’t even make sense. If the binary isn’t going to give me my answers then I need to step it up.

They/Them was dangerous territory for Luz and she knew it. This wasn’t her first time around the block, she knew that she loved they/them pronouns for herself. “This is Luz, they’re my apprentice.” God it just felt so right. She could never figure out why, much less bring herself to even try, which was probably how she kept landing herself in this situation. Laying up at night, staring at the ceiling, running pronouns, of all things, through her head over and over. It probably would have been easier if she had someone to tell her how gender was supposed to feel. What it was supposed to identify, what it was supposed to offer for her identity, but alas. It had been easier with her sexuality, she knew from the moment someone had told her that liking girls was even an option that was who she was. She was confident in that, it was simple enough. So why was this still so hard?

Luz took her head out from under her sleeping bag and rubbed the heel of her palms over her eyes. I know I like they/them pronouns, they’re my favorite, they feel so correct, huh go figure I finally got my answer, words can feel right. Still not sure how… anyways, what the hell do I do about it? Ask people to just change the way they refer to me? That’s absurd. Luz knew it wasn’t absurd. Not in the slightest. She knew she had done it for plenty of people before, people she had known for years. It wasn’t hard, it was actually pretty easy and she was glad to switch around how she referred to them no matter how many times they asked. So why can’t I just do the same. Most people see me as a boy or a girl, it’s fine, it’s ok, well at the very least I can deal with it. What are they supposed to do? Just not?

Luz sprawled out on her back and shut her eyes as tight as she could. She knew she had met plenty of people who were non binary, and somehow she had been able to erase the idea of them being either a boy or a girl out of her head almost completely. It’s just how it had worked, was it because she didn’t really see herself in that way either? Maybe I’m just making it up. Maybe it’s all in my head and I’m stopping myself from causing a lot of problems, what if I’m wrong, what if I make a mistake and have to ask people to change around again? I barely figured out what pronouns I prefer, ok well I’ve known for a while, but I still don’t have a label. Non binary? Maybe? I wish I knew what gender was supposed to feel like. She placed her hands behind her head and sighed. If you asked me what gender felt like to me I either wouldn’t have an answer and would start crying or would just scream shrilly at you for a few minutes. Pronouns don’t equal gender but what are either of those. If I use they/them pronouns do I have to identify as non binary? I don’t even like labeling my sexuality and I know what that is. God, I haven’t even scratched the surface of how I present mysel-

Her thoughts were muted by a knock at her door.

“Luz I know you’re awake.”

It was Eda, of course it was. Who else would be awake at this hour and hear her singular sigh from the hallway?

Luz pushed herself up from off the ground and slowly opened the door.

“Can’t sleep?” Eda asked.

Luz just shook her head. She didn’t have the energy for words at the moment.

Eda sighed and stretched out her arm to reach behind her head and pull out a clock from her hair. “Me neither, looks like it’s too late for either of us to be awake. Want some tea?”

Luz nodded and followed Eda down the creaky stairs and to the kitchen. Eda immediately found a kettle and started filling it with water to boil while Luz took a seat at the counter. They sat with just the sound of the running tap for a few uncomfortable seconds before Eda asked the question Luz had been dreading.

“What’s keeping you up?”

Shoot. Can I talk to her about this? It’s Eda, she doesn’t care, does she? Nobody here seems to mind anything, cool non binary witches. That’s so rad. I don’t want to bother her, what if she doesn’t understand, so I have the energy to explain? How would I even go about dropping this if it goes south?

“Hellooooo? Isles to Luz?”

She was snapped out of her thoughts by Eda waving her hands in her face, she looked… worried? Oh, I haven’t answered her question.

“Hm? Oh, it’s nothing.”

Eda didn’t believe her for a minute.

“It doesn’t seem like nothing.”

Luz just sort of turned her head away and shrugged. Eda knew she couldn’t pry it out of the kid. Instead, she just decided to finish making the tea. The two of them sat in silence while the tea bags steeped, which gave Luz a moment back to herself to question her next move.

Eda handed Luz the steaming mug. “You can talk about it if you want. I’ll listen.”

“I don’t know how to do this.”

Eda grinned. They were getting somewhere, whatever was keeping the kid awake this late at night was reaching the surface.

“Just go for it, what’s the worst that could happen?”

Sooo many things Eda.

Luz decided to just start out simple. “Do you know what pronouns are?”

Eda nodded. Ok, good.

“Ok, what are your pronouns?”

Eda was taken aback by this a little, nobody had asked her that in years. What was the kid dealing with? “Well, I use she/her pronouns, but I’ve never really felt attached to any of them, so whatever works just works I guess. Same for King, I don’t really think he cares much as long as you’re referring to him as royalty.” Eda snorted with laughter.

Luz was kind of in shock. Does she feel the same way I do? How did she pick? “How did you know?” the words just kind of fell out of her mouth in a mess.

“Know what?”

Eda looked at her with confusion.

“What pronouns you use?”

“I don’t know, here nobody really cared that much, why should I?”

Then Eda remembered.

“Ooooh yeah you humans use them for that whole gender identity thing. We kind of have that here but it’s not as big of a deal, you guys have all those labels, yeah?”

Luz swallowed deeply and nodded.

“Is that what’s keeping you up?”

Another nod.

“Do you wanna talk at me? I know you do better with your words than your mind, I can do the dishes while you talk if you don’t want my focus.”

Luz was now completely dumbfounded. In the last two minutes, Eda had told her that not only was gender a human thing, but that she was willing to let Luz process it the way that she needed, how had she known? Wait…. Just how similar are Eda and I? Luz couldn’t help but wonder.

Luz nodded and Eda got up without a word and headed straight for the sink.

“I don’t know. Back in the human world, people have a lot of words that they use to describe their genders. I don’t understand any of them, I know their definitions, but I don’t know how to relate to them.”

Luz paused and Eda gave her a gentle hum of interest as a signal to continue.

“They’ve just never made sense to me, I don’t know why and I don’t know how but it’s incredibly frustrating. I gave up on trying to get it and moved on to the things that I do get, which is limited to pronouns. You’ve got the binary pronouns like she and he, usually those fit the words girl and boy, not always, sometimes people use more than one set of pronouns, but the thing is I can’t pick. They feel the exact same to me. There are other ones, the most common being they/them, and I really like those, Eda I really really like them.”

Eda smiled at her, glad to see Luz’s face lighting up.

“But I don’t know. I don’t know if I should use one set, multiple. It’s really bothering that so many people back home understand, they just seem so sure of themselves, they know who they are, they know that they’re a boy or a girl or neither or even both, there’s even more genders to be a combination of, but I can’t. I think there has to be something wrong with me because I know it shouldn’t be this hard but it is, it’s always on my mind, and I can’t stop it or make it make sense. I haven’t even begun to entertain the idea of asking people to change the pronouns they use for me because I can’t tell myself what label even goes with what, and I feel stupid.”

Eda stopped what she was doing.

“You aren’t stupd Luz.”

“How can you say that when I don’t even know who I am, I can’t even figure out what words I want people to use when they refer to me.” Luz sounded exhausted.

Eda turned around and looked her in the face, dead serious. “You aren’t stupid, you just don’t know who you are,” she dried her hands on a towel and sat down across from Luz. “and that’s ok. I know it’s maddening not knowing, but you’re allowed to feel that way, if you don’t have all the answers, what’s gonna happen? Are you gonna die?”

Luz rolled her eyes “sometimes it really does feel like it.”

Eda stood up. “Well we can’t have that, no dead apprentices. You seem to have been thinking about this for a long time, you just need a little bit of a push. Pick some new pronouns.”

Luz stared at her, “what?”

“You can’t figure out how the feeling works, or if there even is one, that’s ok. But, you know that there are some words that fit better than others. You might not be able to tell me why, but you know what they are. What are they?”

Luz didn’t know what to do, she hadn’t prepared herself for this. She was ready for Eda not knowing what was going on, not this. She’s right, time to rip off the bandaid.

“I don’t know…”

“Yes you do.”

There really is no getting out of this one.

“I don’t know, I guess they/them feels ok? Better than the others?”

“And so it shall be.” Eda stated matter-of-factly.

Luz shifted uncomfortably in her seat, “but I don’t know, I’m really used to she/her, they don’t fit quite right but they’ve never really felt wrong enough to get rid of completely.”

Eda shrugged, “you don’t have to. You can use both if you want.”

Luz wasn’t sure, she knew Eda was right, but she couldn’t help but recall the time someone had told her that adding they/them to your pronouns was performative and accomplished nothing. Screw them.

“Ok.” It was simple, but it’s all she had.

“Anything else I should know?”

Luz took a deep breath, she was in this far, might as well keep it up.

“It really bothers me when I get referred to as a girl, I know that I don’t know what labels go where, but I know that one is wrong.”

“Good to know.”

This was going way better than Luz expected, but now all her thoughts were out and she had a little bit of a resolution, she was finally starting to feel how late it was. She yawned, “I think I’m done for the night.”

Eda put on a mock offended look, “But you didn’t even touch your tea? I worked so hard on that for you!”

Luz gave her a weak smile. “It was never about the tea, was it, you just wanted me to talk.”

Eda reached out and ruffled Luz’s hair, “It worked, huh?”

“Yeah I guess it did.”

“Good.”

They emptied their cups into the now pristine sink and went back up the stairs.

“Thanks Eda.”

“Don’t mention it.”

[sketchy-saram]

Hey everyone! I realize Pride Month just ended, but I wanted to talk about Asexuality for a minute, so I hope you'll indulge me since I have no idea what day it is normally and missed the obvious chance xD 

So my discovery that I was Ace happened when I was in Korea circa 2016, although I'd heard of it a few years before, from the Girls with Slingshots web comic! Both of these things occurred long after I was already an adult, however, and its existence is something I sorely wish I'd known about as a teenager. Hence, I'd really like to spread information about Asexuality to those who might not know anything, so you can be more comfortable with the idea, more informed, and perhaps pass that information to others around you who might be confused and questioning themselves! Pass it on, save a life! (Or at least a LOT of heartache and confusion!) If you already know stuff, great! You’re awesome! <3

So what IS Asexuality? Is it like, budding? Haha, funny joke. (Not really.) Asexuality is simply the lack of sexual attraction to anyone. It is an umbrella term for a lot of different classifications of Aces, but that's the basics. Allosexuals would be what is considered 'normal'--people who do experience sexual attraction. And yes, this is completely different from ROMANTIC attraction! But we'll get to that a bit later!

Why are Asexuals considered part of the LGBTQIA+ rainbow? Well, it's right there in the letters! The A never stood for ally--it always meant Asexual. We've been there since the very beginning! The Queer community envelopes all people whose gender and sexual identities fall outside the norm--so when our society, and humanity as a whole, so idealizes sex and sexual relations, I think not feeling those urges more than qualifies us! And if that weren't enough, Asexuals experience plenty of stigma and harassment--even gatekeeping from within the community, which is extremely unfortunate. In fact, in online social spaces, ESPECIALLY tumblr, Asexuality went through a major witchhunt about 5 years ago, where the waves of anti-Ace rhetoric were so bad that they basically eradicated the community and forced aces back into the closet. Things are better now, but the ramifications are still sorely felt. Aces also have a much higher chance of unstable relationships, as sex and the desire to have sex plays such a large role in romantic relationships. If you are allosexual, imagine being in a relationship where your partner never wants to have sex, and trying to understand that that doesn't reflect at all on you or how much they love you. It's hard, right? I'm not saying that Ace/Allo relationships can't happen, but it takes a LOT of work and communication!! (Uhm, and also plenty of allo people just have a low libido, so please remember not to be forcing your partners into unwanted sexual activities!!)

So let's talk more about the specific wording. 'Sexual attraction'. Simply put, that is the feeling when you look at someone, and you KNOW that you want to have sexual relations with them. Your body has reactions that might let you know this, like an erection, and you could imagine yourself doing those things. Aces aren't like that! We don't have those urges. I could go the rest of my life happily not having sex--and I've never looked at someone and wanted to do that. Now, like I said, there are quite a few umbrella versions, but that is the general description. Important things to note however: Asexual people CAN CHOOSE to have sex! If you're an Allo who has ever done it with someone you weren't exactly turned on by, then you can understand what I'm talking about. Some Aces can even ENJOY the act of sex! The two aren't necessarily related--remember, we're just talking about lacking the basic spark of sexual attraction. On the flip side, some Aces are so sex repulsed that the very idea makes them sick. If you know an Ace person, you should ask their opinion on sex before you talk about it with them--it might make them EXTREMELY uncomfortable! On that note, plenty of Asexual people are in the kink community, and enjoy BDSM. How can that be, you might ask? Well, for one, read above again about Aces and Sexual relations. But also, if you aren't in those communities, you may not realize just how much power plays into that. Some people enjoy the power play more than the sex!! So if your knee-jerk reaction to finding out someone is Ace and has sex is to think they are 'faking it', please...don't. You can't know what a person's internal workings are like.

So, why would an Asexual person want a relationship? How would that even work, anyway? Isn't it just like being friends? Well I'm glad you asked! Remember earlier when I said that Asexuality is only about the lack of SEXUAL attraction? ROMANTIC attraction has its own categories! Aromantics are people who aren't ROMANTICALLY attracted to other people. I won't get into that here, but suffice it to say that Aces can be as romantic and loving as anyone else, and many want a happy relationship! As for being like friends--imagine your partner or spouse. If you suddenly couldn't have sex with them, would it feel like the two of you were 'just friends'? No, of course not! Romantic attachment forms bonds that are completely different from platonic friendship. Lack of sex isn't the only thing that keeps your friendships from being 'romantic relationships', and if it is, you, uh...might want to reevaluate some things!!

A few other common items I want to mention before I bring this quick Ace 101 course to a close: Is being Ace just like being celibate? Not at all! Choosing to remain celibate is just that--a CHOICE. Someone who is celibate still has all their natural sexual attraction, they are just choosing not to act on those feelings for whatever reason. Aces don't have those urges, or that natural sexual attraction! 

Can you become Asexual through trauma or other reasons? The long and the short answer is: Yes. One of the great things about the LGBTQIA+ community is that you should be free to come and go as you discover more about your own truth. That is also why gatekeeping is so dangerous--you shouldn't have to 'register' as Gay or Ace or Trans, or present as those things in a way that suits other people. If you, in your heart, find that one of these labels suits you, then that is what you are for now! Gender and sexuality are a journey most people aren't encouraged to discover until they're older. If you realize you are Ace at 70, you are just as valid as someone who found out earlier, or someone who underwent severe trauma and now no longer feels sexual attraction. If YOU are comfortable with where you're at, that's the only thing that matters! But if it is something that causes you distress, then please look into it. Sometimes lack of sexual attraction IS caused by physical or psychological factors that can be reversed. (Although again, more often than not it simply causes lack of libido, not necessarily lack of attraction.)

Last but not least...what's the thing with the cake? Haha! Good question! When Aces were beginning to find one another and set up their own communities, several inside jokes began to emerge. Imagery of ace playing cards, dragons, 'space ace', and of course cake, sprang up as quirky ways to reference that. The idea being that you would rather have cake than sex!!

I really hope I didn't miss anything obvious, but I'm just writing this on the fly because realizing my Asexuality was such a huge stepping-stone on my path to being more comfortable with myself, and understanding myself as a whole. I spent my teenage years terrified of and yearning for a relationship--the reason being, of course, that in my mind, dating and sex went hand in hand, and I wanted the one but was terrified of the other. So many people take sexual attraction for granted, without realizing how alienating that can be for people who DON'T feel that attraction. It's pervasive!! It's everywhere! And then to be treated as though that expectation isn't as all-encompassing as it is, or that it actually doesn't exist at all, is cultural gaslighting. 

Anyway! I hope everyone had a wonderful pride month. <3 Hope to see you for the next one! Have an awesome July as well, what the heck! And if you have any questions about Asexuality, my messages are always open. I aim to inform. (And feel free to share this if you want!! Knowledge is power, but making things that seem awkward to talk about less taboo is ALSO power!)

[safebubblebycyg]

genderfluid! sirius (the winner of the votes on my instagram!) :

☆ sirius didnt really think about gender roles

☆ they didnt really think about long hair was for girls, eye liner is a girly thing

☆ or that button ups are for guys, men wear cologne

☆ but sirius...they wore their hair long and had sparkly red eyeliner on? sirius had on a black button up and some expensive cologne?

☆ gender norms weren't their thing

☆ but they didnt always wanna wear cologne and a button up

☆ and they didnt always wanna wear sparkly red eyeliner

☆ some days they preferred neither, one over the other, and some days it changed half way through

☆ and this bugged sirius.

☆ what was wrong with them? did james and remus feel this way too? did peter and lily? regulus? were they being dramatic?

☆ so, like any teenager, they looked it up in books (that may or may not have been stolen from remus, but he doesnt need to know-)

☆ "dysphoria. its- dysphoria." sirius spoke outloud to themself. and felt a breathe they didnt know they were holding out. they found what it was

☆ but- sirius certainly didnt want to be a girl...and "the- the book says it for trans people?"

☆ so sirius, though they didnt want to, had to do more looking, this time into the gender spectrum

☆ "so trans is the big umbrella...which has the nonbinary umbrella...which has all these identities...UGH, THIS IS WHY I HAVE REMUS, HE'D USUALLY DO ALL THIS DUMB READING FOR ME, WHY IS THERE SO MANY LABELS???"

☆ "gender- genderfluid. im genderfluid. I'M GENDERFLUID!"

☆ and though they knew a label wasnt needed (because it isnt), they were glad to put their feelings to words

☆ and get some knowledge on the topic of gender too

☆ like now sirius knew that they preferred they/them, but would like to use any and all pronouns, none bugged them

☆ and knew that some days they preferred to present masculine, some days feminine, some days androgynous, just whatever felt right

☆ now as happy as sirius was, their mood suddenly dropped "what am i gonna tell james..remus..peter..lily..what about reg??"

☆ and so now sirius had to come out

☆ well, they didnt NEED to, but they felt the need to tell their friends

☆ BUT BEFORE THEY COULD DO THIS, SIRIUS BLACK CONFIDES IN THEIR FAVOURITE PROFESSOR, PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL

☆ mcgonagall nodded through sirius' rant and asked one thing at the end "would you prefer me to call you something else as opposed to mister?" (sirius grinned and nodded their head "mx would be nice? but of course i dont mind mister! or miss! anything works minnie!!")

☆ so after having a nice vent to dear mcgonagall, sirius felt ready

☆ first, sirius felt that they should tell remus. i mean, his boyfriend should know right?

☆ "moons..can- can we talk?" and sirius came out to him, late at night, curled up together. remus squeezed them and mumbled a soft "they/them it is, my love"

☆ next was james, their brother (i mean, not biologically but shh)

☆ what were they gonna tell them..."JAMIE SUPRISE IM NO BOY, IM JUST A SIMPLE GENDERFLUID FOLK" and then they ran

☆ yes, it was in the middle of then both getting ready that morning, and yes it was sudden

☆ but they got their point across and james came down to breakfast that morning with one question "so, do i get a question limit? because i need to clear some things up"

☆ next was peter and lily, the two of which were easier to tell, as they could tell them both through a joke

☆ "hey, hey, what did the genderfluid person say to the two cis kids?" "uh..what?" "they said "hey, hey, what did the genderfluid person say to the two cis kids"...i use they/them" "thanks for telling us pads but that joke was horrid"

☆ now reg...

☆ "REGULUS" to which reg whipped their head around "IM GENDERFLUID" they were both in an empty corridor. regulus paused. "UH, COOL, IM AGENDER" sirius paused.

☆ they both let out laughs and hugged each other

☆ and sirius was out! and PROUD

☆ gender norms? dont know her. sirius wore a skirt with the MOST sass

☆ and a suit with the MOST sass

☆ "as much as i love trying to avoid detention, which re, you know im trying, snivilly called me a she-man earlier and id really like to hex his fragile masculinity into oblivion"

☆ and they were just living their happy genderfluid life (:

GENDERFLUID SIRIUS!! just a disclaimer that everyone expresses gender differently, every genderfluid person has a different experience, this is just how i chose to write sirius! hope you enjoyed!

[hitoshisbabygirl]

Author's Notes ♡: okay uhm so I haven’t watched Aladdin in so long and I kinda mixed it with some Persona 5 (being a phantom thief yknow!) so yeahhhh anywhooo welcome to anothe POCuties collab! I lm so happy to do a fluffy little thing with good ol Kyou <3 qwq without further waiting, here's my addition to the already wonderful collaborators! Make sure to check their stories too in the masterlist! ~ bunny ❥

Warnings : None!! Fluffy!! Also please ignore typos if any they’ll be fixed later </3

Word count :2.1K

Paring(s) : Kyoutani Kentatou x F! Reader

Summary : When the city you live in is rampant with villains what happens when your seabed by a cold and off putting vigilante (that’s my best summary I’m sorry </3)

Enjoy ♡

Hearing footsteps approaching from behind the barrels he was hiding in Kyoutani felt himself grin as he pushed a group of barrels down before the guards could get him. Soon yelling and crashing could be heard. Bingo , they had run into the mess he made. Running down the street with gold hidden in his clothes he got further than he thought, climbing up and over the crowds as he got a good bit of ways from them. Looking back to see who was following him still he didn't see the group of people moving , and he definitely didn't see the girl appear in front of him until he ran smack dab into her, the two falling to the ground. Getting ready to yell at whoever he ran into he looked down to see one of the prettiest girls he ever saw. Blinking at her and her blinking at him he heard the sound of the guards reappearing, now sounding even more mad. The sound of them approaching snapped him from his thoughts, getting up and helping the girl off the ground “ ‘m sorry'' Was all he said before looking for something to climb up. Seeing that there was a rope hanging from a traveling merchants cart. Running to it he climbed up and over past the girl before the guards caught up, paying attention to her while he slipped away.

Days later Kyoutani went back to the district he ran through days later, this time just wanting to find something to eat. You see, Kyoutani was a seasoned thief , stealing from tombs, jewelry places, houses , mansions , in and everything he could. He was used to scraping by when he was younger but now, he was used to taking from the rich for his own rise to fame, being known as an uncatchable thief. Strolling by he heard people cheer, yelling and sounds of a festival being started rained down the streets. Peeking around a corner he saw a group of guards in front of guys practicing to hold up a carriage of sorts. But who he saw getting in the carriage is what caught his attention ; the girl he arn into before. Interested to talk to her he went behind the crowd into the alley, seeing some of the carriage carriers getting ready to be in the midst of everything. Sneaking behind one of them hesnacthed him before dragging him behind a wall.

After little confrontation he reappeared dressed as the guy he got to take from, fixing the outfit before joining the others ``Ah you must be that new guy, quick get into position, you're holding up the middle left, the one beside the princess” The leader said before Kyoutani was intrigued ‘She’s a princess? Explains why guards let me alone to check her’ he thought as he grabbed one of the llong pillars holding up the seat. Lifting it he felt the rest of them struggle to lift with him “Wow, you're strong” He heard a soft voice say. Looking up he met the eyes of the princess, the young woman he had ran into before “....thanks'' that same raspy voice spoke to [ ] as she heard it before ‘it can’t be...isn't he the one whos been stealing from the temples’ she thought as she ignored it, sucking in a breath as her arranged husband stepped into the carriage with her “hello [ ], aren't you just excited to see everyone so ready for our marriage” the arrangement husband Tooru said to her as she looked out the curian window, seeing the blonde that was under her and what sounded like...growling? He pushed the wooden ple hard to throw off the guy holding up tooru’s side, making him screech as [ ] let out a little giggle. Peering up to her he gave her a sly smile before continuing their walk around the city grounds. After the parade they took them to the castle in which they stayed. Setting the carriage down, the couple got out , Tooru did first before reaching a hand to help [ ] who was being helped by Kyoutani. Giving him a soft smile she went to her still grinning fiance. As the duo went up to the door Kyountai saw a piece of paper left in the princesses seat. Glancing down he took it and the soft material that was beside it. Opening the folded piece of paper he read it ;

“To whoever may find this , preferably the carrier beside me I don't have much time. If you found this and my veil piece meet me at my tower tonight i have a proposition for you~ Princess [ ]”

Placing it in his pocket he watched the duo go into the doors but not before seeing the girl he's been eyeing give him soft and pleading eyes before she was pulled by the chocolate haired male who was still draining about their wedding. As the night came around Kyoutani caught himself climbing the tower of the princess that he was gaining curiosity for her. Making it to the top he sat on the edge of her tower's top roof . Hearing a window open he looked to see the girl in a nightgown come over to him. “Hello there” her soft voice said as he grunted still looking as mean as he did in the street. Trying to get herself up [ ] pushed herself up to the window seal before starting to climb out. Seeing her struggle to join him Kyoutani got down and came to her , leaning a hand to her as she thanked him, using it as a pulling lever for her to get closer to where he was. Gently she landed on her feet as she took in the air from her tower top, sighing “I'm glad you found my note, i was worried one eof the maids or Oikawa would find it and just...make life hard” Listening to her Kyoutani just nodded , looking to the streets below them. “You're...the thief right? Kyoutani?” Hearing his own name from her lips his head turned to hers quickly, seeing as her eyes lit up at the action “How do you know about that?” joining him as he looked below she giggled “ Ah..you look like a ruffian. Besides , when I ran into after my guards saw us collide I knew you'd be someone I could trust. Besides Kuroo that is.” Furrowing his brows [ ] could see the confusion in his eyes “My pet tiger” She answered. As Kyoutanis eyes grew wide she gave him another smile “ I've had him since he was a cub! He’d like you, someone who's free and just unapologetic” [ ] said as she watched the blonde study the ground before glancing at her “What did you need a ruffian like me for? You're a princess , ya got the fame , the money , even the power to do what you want.” Thinking about it she sighed, placing her head in her hand as she stepped over the balcony part of her tower “I wish to be like you ; free. Free to explore, free to roam, free to study and do whatever I want. I wish for more than being just a princess, i want my own identity besides the one I was born in'' finishing her speal [ ] looked to the blonde who gave her a understanding look “You...giving me that sense of freedom...it's relieving to have someone like you around y'know? Someone who isn't on labels or status , just a normal person to have adventures with '' Taking in a breath Kyoutani looked at the Princess `` So you're wanting to be around a thief instead of the safety of your castle huh? You're quite a princess” he said as [ ] huffed “You can call me [ ] i'd rather not be reminded i'm a princess” She said as Kyoutani smirked “Well [ ] wanna go for a trip?” furrowing her brows she looked at him confused until he whistled with a magic carpet appearing up to where they were. Gasping [ ] leaned over to the carpet and touched it , seeing it move to wave at her “W-what...H-how did you” “Found it in a chest when I robbed the temple. Same with this lamp” going in his pocket he held up a gold lamp, swirling it around his finger. Reaching towards the lamp he lifted it higher “I don't recommend touching it, there's a genie in it and I...Don't really need him at the moment…” sliding it back into his pocket he climbed over the tower wall to sit on the carpet before reaching out for [ ] “careful princess” he said as she took his hand and fell farther than she thought, landing in his arms. Smacking his arm before settling in she huffed “I told you to call me [ ]!” Giving her a genuine laugh Kyoutani tapped the carpet, starting it up as they flew from the castle “Yeah yeah I know, just wanted to say it one last time”

And this is how they formed a bond ; Kyoutani coming over to take her on night trips or catching her when she wasn't around her father and fiance. Their bond grew over the next few weeks and after a while she was just used to seeing him everyday. He met her pet tiger Kuroo, she met the Genie in the bottle he talked about before. She confided in him about how she hated this made marriage and how she wanted to get away while he told her of the life he lived before, not having much and fighting for the basics in life. It brought them together and showed each other a different side of the world they didn't expect to see. Soon they were pretty much inseparable, [ ] claiming she didn't need any help going to the store when she was really going on adventures with Kyoutani, the two going to do more searching and heist together. Even after seeing what and how he steals she was more intrigued than disturbed. One day during an improved exploration from being upset [ ] spoke up after the two had sat in silence. “Yknow you could be a king...we could be a couple” Looking at her laying on his shoulder Kyoutani rose a brow as she continued “I...used to hate being a princess….trying to find a sutor and having duties when i'd rather be around people my age..it was draining...but once me and you met I had to know more...I needed the thrill in life that i found in you and now look at us. Sitting out here watching the sunset and I just feel...better about this all y'know?” Finishing , [ ] sat up and curled on her knees ``But i'd get it if you didn't feel the same, it wouldn't change anything I feel..” Softly Kyoutani took [ ]’s hand and kissed the back of it before hesitantly wrapping his arms around her shoulders ``You don't have to be afraid...I..feel the same..I think..” Mumbling to himself he continued “I don't know much about love or feelings….And I definitely don't know about kingdoms or any shit like that..but i'm willing to make you happy” blinking up to the usual stoic blonde “Im harsh, a loner..and one hell of a thief but..thats what ive been told i'm good at...it's what i was used to hearing about me. A king...a potential lover..that's changed. I hope I could be good at it but it scares me now..” Looking back at [ ] he felt his face heat up “Seeing you sad before you got in that cart with whoever that shitty guy is made me...sad? Mad? It's...hard to explain but I wanted to make it better...i wanted to make you feel better..and now..maybe I can'' Pulling her closer he lifted her face to have her looking at him. Biting his lip Kyoutani leaned in and kissed her cheek before he could shy away. But right before he could get too far [ ] kissed his cheek, the two of them having the same face of shock as [ ] giggled “Y'know you can kiss me Kyou..” And that's all he needed. Leaning back in he kissed her, a bit rough and messy but the best he could with little knowledge. [ ] felt herself smile behind the kiss as she pressed back, the two pulling away when they couldnt breath. “[ ]...I’ll try my best to make you happy okay?” His unusual doed eyes looked to her soft ones as she kissed his nose “I know you will Kyou”

[minxyone93]

Hi, there was a scene in Ch. 13 that really spoke to me - Cas telling Dean he can talk about his bisexuality as much or as little as he wants w/ however many people was really nice! It was comforting to me bc I also recently started trying to feel more comfortable with saying it out loud & playing around with the label outside of when I’m around very few close friends (keyword being ‘trying’ as I’m still on anon but yk baby steps!). It’s lovely seeing him get to embrace it as well.

First of all, I'm so happy for you! Congrats! Coming out and finding a label that works for you can be scary, and it isn't for everyone - some people don't *need* that (like Cas - I don't think he cares for himself), but some people do (like me, and Dean in the fic) and it's perfectly okay either way.

I'm so proud of you! 🏳️‍🌈❤🧡💛💚💙💜🏳️‍🌈

(I wasn't sure what label you were referring to, bi or another, but rainbows are lovely and have all the colors so I hope you know that whatever label you have found, I support it)

Big hugs, nonny! 🥰

So, regarding Dean coming out - it just felt like he deserved to say it. This was very reminiscent of my own experiences, to be honest. I first realized I was attracted to women when I was 11 - promptly panicked and denied it, proceeding for years to say "oh, I just really admire women and their beauty" to both other people and myself (even after I had been with a woman. Like, yikes! The denial runs so deep! 😖) And I started the process all over again when I started to realize I am nonbinary! Smh.

So when I finally allowed myself to admit it to myself, that felt good. It took a while after that, but when I came out, I could NOT SHUT UP about it. 🤣 just like Dean. And it felt sooooo good so be able to freely say it. Everytime "I'm bi" came out of my mouth, I felt like I was breaking a chain that had been holding me down. When Dean says "freedom" - that's how it feels to me too.

But even so, coming out isn't something you do one time. You come out over and over and over again, with new people and in new environments. There are times, places, and people it doesn't seem worth the energy or even feels too scary to come out to, so I just don't. I live in a very red state. I'm not out at work because of that. Sadly, it could tank my career. For the right person, I'd be willing to do it - but I'm single and it's not anyone's business. I'm not out with my extended family. Same thing. Not their business. But my all friends, my internet friends, and my immediate family know and they support me, my doctors and my therapist know and support me. And depending on the environment, I tell strangers - when I'm at a nerdy con, I feel safe, so I wear my bi pride pin.

And that's okay! Unless you *want* someone to know, that's your business. You don't have to share your business with anyone you don't want to.

Your label is part of your identity, but your identity belongs to you.

You decide who deserves to know your heart.

Cishet people don't have to come out. Cishet people don't have to find the label that fits them. The nice thing about it is that it helps you find other people like you. That's all the label is really for. So you aren't obligated to share that label with anyone you don't want to, just like Cas said.

No one should feel pressured to find a label or share the label they've found if they don't want to. Conversely though, I know how good it can feel to share that part of your identity and allow yourself to say "yes! I am queer! This label exists because there are other people like me!" And once you start saying it, you feel a little more courage and freedom every time and it feels really good.

I know that got long, but I'm so glad that you are finding your label if that's what is in your heart and that the scene meant as much to you as it did to me. You have my total support.

🥰🏳️‍🌈💜💙💚💛🧡❤🏳️‍🌈🥰

If you ever need to bend an ear, I'm here via ask or DM for a virtual hug or just to listen (although, as evidenced by the length of this post and my fic... I have a lot to say too, lol). And so are Dean and Cas. There's a reason our community imprinted on them. Dean deserved to be able to say it, so I had him do it in the fic - but he was just as valid and just as bi before he said it too. Biggest hugs, and thank you for sharing how much it mean to you. That means so much to me as an author and a fellow member of the LGBTQIA+. Idk if I'm older than you or not, but I'm very maternal and if you need a queer internet mama, I'm here.

Sorry for the long post! Much love, nonny! 🥰

[yikesharringrove]

Nb Steve as requested by @takemebythehand-andsetmefree

Happy Pride!

Here is a link to my post about Harringrove for BLM, and here is a link to Writers/Artists Against Police Brutality

Here’s also a link to the Masterlist of Harringrove for BLM coutesy of @harringrovetrashh

Thank you all for organizing, participating, and donating.

-

There is an instance where Steve gets misgendered, not by malicious intent, but it still happens, so take care of yourselves, don’t read if that could harm you.

-

“I think I’m a girl.”

This revelation wasn’t totally shocking to Billy.

Steve loved pretty things. Could be found more often than not jamming around in a little skirt, lots of makeup. So Billy just said

“Okay, Baby. Then I love my gorgeous girlfriend.”

And that was so sweet and all, but to Steve it still didn’t, it felt just as bad as boyfriend.

“Actually, maybe not.”

-

“I think maybe there’s something wrong with me.”

They were in Steve’s bed together, Steve laying practically on top of Billy.

“What makes you say that?”

“Parts of me feel like I’m a girl, and parts of me feel like I’m a boy. But all of me hates both of those options. I mean, I love looking like a girl, but when you, when you said girlfriend, Bill that felt just as fucking bad as boyfriend. I think I’m broken.” Billy shifted around until Steve was looking right at him.

“You are not broken. You are beautiful and amazing and confused. But you are far from broken. There’s more in the world than girl and boy. You can be anything, anyone.

“Back in California, I knew all kinds of people. I had friends all along the trans umbrella. I had a friend who was a trans guy, but preferred presenting for feminine. I had androgynous friends that presented however they pleased. I had friends who identified as no gender, or all the genders. I had a friend whose gender identity would change on any given day. Gender is fucking fake, and if you’re not comfortable with whatever you were assigned at birth, make something new for yourself.”

“I think that I’m somewhere in between. Not a woman, but not a man.” Billy grabbed the notbad next to Steve’s bad, drew a horizontal line across it.

“So basically, think of gender as a spectrum. Over here you’ve got women. This includes trans women, who are women that were assigned male at birth. One the other side you’ve got men, which includes trans men. In the middle, you’ve got nonbinay folks. Nonbinary is an umbrella term that just means these people live outside of man and woman. This includes agender people, who have no gender, and people who identify as more than one gender, like bigender or pangender. All along the scale you have people who are genderfluid and genderflux, whose definition of their own gender may slide along the scale at any given moment. You also have people that identify as demiboy, or reversely, demigirl, people that only identify partially as boy or girl, respectively. There’s also the idea of being transmasc, or transfem which are people who were assinged a gender at birth, but identitfy more with the other, without completely identify themselves as trans. So a person assigned male at birth who doesn’t consider themselves a transwoman, but more comfortably identities with feminity as a concept.”

He held out the drawing to Steve.

“There’s also different pronouns, and this isn’t even touching the intersex scale. Gender is so fucking whack, Sweet Thing.

“There’s a lot of different ways to play with it, and each person is so different. You can identify one way and present in a way that isn’t stereotypical to how you identify. And no one can tell you you’re wrong. Because you’re not.”

Steve was studying the drawing with wide eyes.

“Pronouns?”

“Like how I was assigned male at birth, and identify as male, so I use he/him pronouns. People along this scale can use whatever pronouns feel best. Some people use they and them so that they aren’t being gendered, and there are other gender neutral pronouns, like ze/zir and ve/ver.”

“But I mean, they is like, it’s plural.”

“Nah. They has always been used as a gender neutral pronoun. Plus, if it feels best, it can mean whatever the fuck you want it to.”

“So I could, I could like, be a them.”

“If that feels good.”

“Use it for me. Let me see.”

“Okay, um, I was laying in bed with my significant other, Steve and they were asking me questions about gender identity and expression. Afterwards I made them a cup of tea and cuddled them all night.” Steve’s eyes opened back up.

“Bill, that’s, fuck, that’s it.”

“They?”

“They. That felt, it felt good. I didn’t, I don’t even know.” Billy squished them tighter to himself.

“I’m glad, Baby.”

“So, does that make me nonbinary?” Billy just looked at them.

“Does it? You tell me, Sweet Thing.”

“I think so. Nonbinary. So like, maybe transfem? But I think I would be more agender”

“If that’s what’s true. You can call yourself nonbinary and leave it at that, or you can take as many labels as you feel fit. It’s your identity. Fuck with it as you see fit.”

Steve was worrying their lip.

“And you don’t mind?”

“Mind what?”

“That I’m not, not a guy.” Billy pressed a kiss to their forehead.

“‘Course I don’t min. You’re still you. You’re gender doesn’t matter to me at all. As long as you’re happy and comfortable and safe. That’s what matters to me.”

-

Steve needed to tell the party.

They spent so much time with the gaggle of kids, and kept getting fucking misgendered. Not that it was their fault, they didn’t know Steve was using different pronouns now.

“Look, I know those little Gen-Z’ers aren’t gonna care. I mean they see me in makeup and dresses and shit all the time, but this feels, big.” Billy was driving them over to the Byers’ place where all the kids were waiting. “But, but what if they take it wrong. What if they just think I’m this confused girl or something. Or they say I need to make up my mind.” Billy reached over to grab their hand.

“If they do, I’ll punch ‘em out. One by one. Fuck them kids.”

But they all took it so fucking well, it was actually anticlimactic.

“I mean, it’s pretty obvious you don’t conform to a gender binary.” Dustin hadn’t even looked up from their campaign as Steve fucking came out. “But like, thanks for telling us. And trusting us. You’re pretty brave I guess.”

Steve rolled their eyes.

“Thanks. You’re all so sweet and sensitive. I was shitting myself on the way over, and none of you are even fazed.”

“Yeah, I saw this coming.” Lucas rolled one of his dice.

“Do you want to do it again? We’ll all pretend to think you’re disgusting and call you a freak or something. Would that be better?” Mike had a challenging look on his face. Steve just slumped into the couch.

“No. Whatever. It’s fine.” They were actually pouting.

“What, you wanted like, a Lifetime movie moment? Where we all cry and say that we love you regardless and pretend we literally all didn’t see this coming?” Mike rolled his eyes.

“I mean, a little pomp and circumstance would be nice. Accepting myself and coming out to you all was a bunch of breakdowns in the making.” Dustin threw himself dramatically onto Steve’s lap.

“Oh! Oh, Steven! My sweet dear loved one! This is shocking news! But my love for you will never crumble! If anything, it is fortified!” Steve just laughed and shoved Dustin off their lap.

“Brat.”

-

“Can I just get a cheeseburger and fries?” The peppy waitress was twirling her ponytail, batting her eyes at Billy like Steve wasn’t right fucking there.

“Of course. Anything else for you?” She pat her eyes. Billy just blinked at her, completely dead-eyed. He gestured to Steve.

“Sorry, Girl. Didn’t see you!” She tried to laugh it off. Steve’s blood went cold.

“I’ll get the same please.” Her eyes widened at the sound of Steve’s voice, still deep, still masculine, despite the light blue dress, the pretty makeup.

“Oh, sorry. I’ll get that right out for you boys.” She shot away, embarrassed. Steve let their head fall onto the table.

Billy ran his fingers through their hair.

“Two for the price of one misgenderings.” They muttered into the table. Billy was gently scraping his nails into their scalp. “That was like getting kicked while down Jesus.”

“I’m sorry you have to deal with that. I’m sorry I can’t totally understand how shitty it makes you feel.” They sat in silence for a moment until Billy tugged on their hair as the waitress approached with their food. She set it down cautiously.

“Could we get some ketchup, please. And they’re gonna want mustard.” Steve smiled weakly at him, they way he overemphasized using they.

“Um, of course. Anything else?”

“Could you grab them another water?” It was just less than half-full, but Billy couldn’t be stopped.

The waitress just blushed, filling Steve’s water and placing ketchup and mustard on their table with a little enjoy.

“Bill, she didn’t mean to.”

“Yeah, but she still did. And I wanted you to stop feeling invalidated.” Billy shoved the burger in his mouth.

Steve just smiled at him, told him he ate like a pig.

[heartofether]

Episode 14 - Hungry TRANSCRIPT

[You can listen to the show wherever you get your podcasts, or go to our “Listen” page if you’re on desktop.]

VAL

Hey there. I just wanted to say before the episode that you may notice that Phoebe's voice sounds different than it did before. We now have a new voice actor who will be playing Phoebe Wood. We wish her previous voice actor, Nyx King, all the best on all of their future endeavors. Phoebe's new voice actor is going to be Lark Pelletier, who we are delighted to have on our cast.

I just wanted to let you all know so you didn't get confused when Phoebe's voice sounded different, and it was some sort of plot-related Not!Phoebe thing. Other than that, I hope you enjoy the episode, and stay safe out there.

AUTOMATED VOICE

Please state [THE VOICE GLITCHES] your message.

[THEME SONG BEGINS PLAYING.]

VAL

Three-Eyed Frog Presents: The Heart of Ether.

[THEME MUSIC FADES TO A STOP.]

[PHONE BEEP.]

[INT. THE POPPY GARDEN MOTEL, AGENTS MAY AND JUNES’ ROOM, NIGHT.]

[AGENT MAY IS HEARD FLIPPING THROUGH PAPERS.]

AGENT MAY

This is the audio log of Operation Saturn, phase 1.2. This is day one, part two. Conducted by Agents May and June. All recordings are legal property of the Harper—

[HE STOPS, THEN, FRUSTRATED] Goddammit, where did he put that photo?

[HE CONTINUES TO SORT THROUGH PAPERS, THEN, DISGRUNTLED] After our conversation with Irene Gray, Agent June and I had to re-organize the folders she disturbed. Of course, June had no understanding of how the folders were sorted, so he shoved papers wherever he saw fit. [UNDER HIS BREATH] No mind to the effort I put into labeling each folder.

It must be here somewhere.

[THE DOOR SWINGS OPEN AS AGENT JUNE WALKS IN, ARMS FULL OF SNACKS. HE'S HEARD CLOSING IT BEHIND HIM AS HE TALKS.]

AGENT JUNE

You are not going to believe this, my man. Okay, so, this motel is cheap as hell, right? Super dusty, the wallpaper’s peeling off, kinda smells like someone’s dog died in the lobby. Honestly, lowkey hoped the Foundation would have been a little bit more generous with their funds, but also I’m not surprised they stuck us here. I mean, hey, what do I know? Maybe this motel is haunted and they expect us to Ghostbuster the place up.

[AGENT MAY GROANS LOUDLY.]

AGENT JUNE

[CONT.] But! Here’s the kicker! Vending machines downstairs? Jam-packed. They have king-sized candy bars!

[THERE ARE WRAPPER NOISES AS AGENT JUNE SHOWS OFF HIS FINDS.]

AGENT JUNE

Look at this! Man, I haven’t actually eaten candy in so long. The drink machine is all off-brand soda, though, so, sucks to suck, I guess.

[HE DUMPS THE SNACKS ONTO THE BED.]

AGENT JUNE

Oh, and there is a pool. Hot tub, too. Though there were some stray cats in the bushes who were…well, I’ll leave that up to your imagination. Still, if you packed a swimsuit, maybe we could hit that up later?

AGENT MAY

I did not pack a swimsuit. Unlike some of us, I came here to do my job.

AGENT JUNE

Hey, that’s not fair. Of course I’m doing my job! I just, you know, enjoy having a life outside of work. Know what that’s like?

AGENT MAY

Of course I do. I just don’t intend to do any messing around while we’re here.

AGENT JUNE

Oh, yeah?

[AGENT JUNE CROSSES HIS ARMS.]

AGENT JUNE

What do you do outside of work?

AGENT MAY

I cook. I read, though recently, I haven’t done so as much as I used to. I keep up with the news. I, you know, run errands. [AS THE LIST GOES ON, HE STRUGGLES MORE AND MORE TO COME UP WITH THINGS.]

AGENT JUNE

Okay, only half of those things are potentially fun. Not even guaranteed fun, just the potential for enjoyment.

AGENT MAY

What does it matter to you what I do in my free time, anyways?

AGENT JUNE

Because nobody should be trapped in that miserable cycle where you just do your 9-to-5 until you die, dude! Come on.

Alright, how about this: from here on out, my mission within this mission is to get you to do something fun. Got that? You’re walking away from here with one new hobby or so help me.

AGENT MAY

What about our actual job?

AGENT JUNE

I’ll find time in between! You just watch.

[AGENT JUNE PLOPS DOWN ON HIS BED. HE OPENS THE WRAPPER FOR ONE OF THE CANDY BARS. THERE’S A PAUSE.]

AGENT MAY

Do you think Irene Gray will come back around?

AGENT JUNE

Mm, not sure? She didn’t seem too happy with us.

[AS MAY CONTINUES, JUNE IS HEARD EATING ONE OF HIS CANDY BARS.]

AGENT MAY

I’m just worried she won’t agree to work with us after today. I mean, our mission just started, and we might have just lost what could have been a valuable connection. I mean, you saw how suspicious she was when we entered her house. It’s possible that she knows exactly what it is we’re after—and if she’s familiar with Valencia’s work, well, who knows what she knows?

AGENT JUNE

[THROUGH CHEWING] I get what you mean. [HE SWALLOWS.] Though, to be fair, our method was kind of…

AGENT MAY

[A BEAT.] Pardon?

AGENT JUNE

[HESITANT] Don’t you think it’s kind of cruel? Using Rosemary to lure her in? It’s clearly a sensitive topic for her, and we just kind of, you know, ripped the bandage off a wound that may or may not have healed properly.

AGENT MAY

[STRAINED] You have a point.

[UNCOMFORTABLE] We were following orders, though.

AGENT JUNE

I guess.

[THERE’S A PAUSE, FOLLOWED BY MORE CANDY WRAPPER RUSTLING.]

AGENT JUNE

Speaking of which, what does the Foundation have on the agenda for us next?

AGENT MAY

Plenty to keep us occupied. We are going to be interviewing a woman named Lorelei Foster—

[AGENT JUNE GROANS.]

AGENT MAY

We’re not trying to bait her or anything like that. This is just an interview. She lives on the outskirts of town, but she used to own Moon Cloves, the only metaphysical store in town. She is also one of the only people who was close to Valencia that is still alive.

AGENT JUNE

Gotcha, gotcha.

[AN UNCOMFORTABLE PAUSE AS AGENT JUNE CONTINUES TO EAT HIS CANDY.]

AGENT MAY

Would you mind not eating on the bed?

AGENT JUNE

Mm! Actually, so glad you brought up the uh, singular ‘bed.’

[AGENT JUNE SHIFTS AROUND ON THE SINGULAR BED TO EMPHASIZE HIS POINT.]

AGENT JUNE

What do you plan on doing about that?

AGENT MAY

Haven’t thought about it. Say, do you know what happened to that photo we had of the bicycle?

AGENT JUNE

Oh, no clue.

[AGENT MAY GROANS IN FRUSTRATION.]

AGENT JUNE

[COOING] You’re avoiding the bed situation, aren’t you?

AGENT MAY

[GRUMBLING] You can have it. I’m fine sleeping in the car.

AGENT JUNE

[SURPRISED] Woah, you sure? I mean, I’m used to uncomfortable sleeping arrangements, trust me.

AGENT MAY

I’ll be fine. I prefer the uh, privacy, of the car.

AGENT JUNE

[UNCONVINCED] Sure.

Uh, thank you. For the bed. [HE CHUCKLES.] How did the Foundation manage to mess that one up, anyways?

AGENT MAY

Apparently, there was a mistake in the paperwork.

AGENT JUNE

That sucks.

AGENT MAY

Indeed.

[A PAUSE.]

AGENT MAY

Right. We should probably get some rest soon, anyways.

AGENT JUNE

[HE SCOFFS.] Dude, are you kidding me? It’s like, 8:30! Okay, I refuse to go to bed that early.

AGENT MAY

We have a busy day ahead of us.

AGENT JUNE

Yeah, and I’m used to functioning off of five hours of sleep, so I’ll be fine.

AGENT MAY

My apologies for having a healthy sleep schedule. Anyways, I’m turning this off—

[PHONE BEEP.]

[RECORDING ENDS.]

[ANOTHER PHONE BEEP.]

[INT. “VEIL,” A HIP, MODERN RESTAURANT DOWNTOWN, MIDDAY.]

[THE RESTAURANT IS BUSTLING WITH ACTIVITY. THERE’S FAINT CONVERSATION AND DISH CLANKING IN THE BACKGROUND.]

AVERY

Is it on?

IRENE

[UNEASY] Um, yeah. Say, how did you know I was going to record this?

AVERY

Hm? Oh, it was a lucky guess. I just wanted you to wait until we got done ordering.

IRENE

Right.

[A BEAT.] How long do you think we’ll be here, exactly? I have plans to meet someone back at my house this afternoon.

AVERY

Oh, that’s fine. It shouldn’t be long. You could technically leave whenever you like, since I’m taking the bill.

IRENE

What? No! I’m not letting a teenager pay for my food—

AVERY

How old are you, again? You look college-age. You’re wearing a university t-shirt—say, did you live on campus? Maybe have a meal plan? I mean, you don’t look like your parents have money, but I could be—

IRENE

[CUTTING THEM OFF] Okay, okay, I get it. Thank you for lunch, I guess.

AVERY

Not a problem.

[THERE’S A LONG PAUSE.]

IRENE

[AWKWARDLY] So, are you going to explain it?

AVERY

Explain what?

IRENE

The meat thing.

AVERY

Oh, you want to discuss my eating habits? That’s kinda rude, you know.

IRENE

I mean, you just ordered your burger, quote, “as rare as you’re legally allowed to serve it,” and then offered me your side. Plus, I’ve seen what your mom buys at the store for you.

AVERY

Oh, don’t preach to me about the ethics of eating a living thing or whatever. I’ve heard enough of that. You know, it’s not as black and white as—

IRENE

[OVERLAPPING, WITH A GROAN] Look, I may be vegetarian, but it’s not like that. I’m not talking from a place of judgment or moral high ground, I just—wanna know if there’s a reason for it. Your meat diet.

[SHE TAKES A DRINK OF HER WATER.]

AVERY

I’m not human.

[IRENE PROMPTLY SPITS HER WATER OUT.]

AVERY

Mm, well, I think I’m pretty close to human. And don’t mix this up as some sort of identity thing—I actually had my gender slash identity crisis before my transformation.

[MUTTERS] Actually thought I had myself pretty well figured out before the change. Keyword being ‘thought.’ There was still this part of me that was desperately trying to be something I wasn’t, I think. It led to me becoming something I didn’t want to be in a very literal and permanent sense.

IRENE

So, you weren’t always like this?

AVERY

Nope. I used to be a person just like you. That is, until I got involved with some heavy stuff. Stuff I shouldn’t have messed with, you know?

I did a ritual I shouldn’t have done, and—hey, do you know how it feels for your insides to be rearranged by some otherworldly force? As if your internal organs are a completed puzzle, but somebody decided it didn’t look right, so they just started jamming the pieces together in an attempt to make a new image?

IRENE

[UNCOMFORTABLE] That sounds painful.

AVERY

Obviously! Anyways, I’m doing better now. That was a couple of years ago. The big difference is that now, raw meat is pretty much the only thing my body is good at digesting. I can technically eat other food, but it doesn’t take much before I start getting sick.

IRENE

That sounds…jeez, I’m sorry.

AVERY

Hey, there are perks to it. I mean, my canines are super sharp, so I kinda look like a vampire if you look hard enough. Oh, I’m also super strong. Like, not “pick up your car” strong, but I could probably lift this table up.

IRENE

[SLOWLY BECOMING INCREASINGLY OVERWHELMED] Right.

AVERY

Does that answer your question?

IRENE

Yeah, but it spawned, like, five more, uh—

[IRENE STRUGGLES TO COLLECT HERSELF FOR A MOMENT.]

AVERY

You’re not going to figure this all out in one day, so don’t try to. Seriously. You look really overwhelmed. It’s not about making out the whole bigger picture right away, just focus on like, the upper right-hand corner of it.

IRENE

[CALMING DOWN] Right. Right, okay.

AVERY

I’ll let you ask a couple more questions, though.

IRENE

So, you did a ritual that shifted your organs around and made you something…slightly to the left of human?

AVERY

That’s correct.

IRENE

Where did that power come from? What made that happen to you?

AVERY

[THEY THINK FOR A MOMENT.] That’s a more complicated answer than I think you’re ready for. I mean, if you don’t even know what Ether is—

IRENE

[CUTTING THEM OFF, IN REALIZATION] Ether! God, Valencia had that written somewhere, I think—when I went up to the attic during the—

AVERY

So you do know Valencia.

IRENE

Well, yeah. I’m living in his old house.

AVERY

I know. That house has a reputation, you know. Almost as much as the man himself. [WARNING] People take note of things like that.

IRENE

So, Ether is the source of your power?

AVERY

Mm, sort of? It’s complicated. Ether is the source behind a whole lot of things, but I’m not sure it has any sort of agenda.

IRENE

Is it linked to the mold at all? Or, wait, do you even know what the mold is?

AVERY

You mean the Spread? Yellow, infects people upon touch, kind of has a mind of its own?

IRENE

…the Spread?

AVERY

That’s what Dorothy and Valencia called it. They had all sorts of weird names for things.

IRENE

That explains the Folk.

Did they have a name for what you are?

AVERY

Yeah. [MUTTERS] I don’t like it, though.

IRENE

What is it?

AVERY

[WITH DISTASTE] The Hungry.

[A BEAT.] That’s really the only name there is, though, so, I kinda have to just suck it up.

IRENE

How did you find all of that out? From what I’ve seen of their research, it’s mostly blank—

AVERY

[WHISPERING] Might want to keep your voice down about the research. People could be listening.

[A PAUSE.]

IRENE

[WHISPERING] What the fuck.

AVERY

[AT NORMAL VOLUME, TRYING TO PLAY IT OFF] The naming conventions are the only part of their research that sort of became common knowledge over time. At least, among those who knew what Ether was. I think even that stupid Foundation picked up on the names after a while. Dorothy and Valencia never really agreed on how exactly the names should be determined, and they died before they could finally stop having petty arguments over it.

I knew Dorothy, though, before she died. She helped me figure out my whole [UNSEEN VAGUE GESTURE] situation. She was a much kinder person than Valencia, you know.

IRENE

I’ve gathered that much. Damn, that means you know more about this than even her own granddaughter.

AVERY

Phoebe Wood? I don’t know her that well. I only saw her around the bookstore once or twice—well, and at Dorothy’s funeral, obviously.

IRENE

I see.

AVERY

Any other questions?

[A PAUSE.]

IRENE

Why did you invite me here?

AVERY

…hm?

IRENE

I mean, why did you invite me to lunch? This—whatever you’re involved in—is clearly far bigger than me. Why would you want to talk to me, of all people?

AVERY

[THROUGH A SMILE] You’re clever, Irene. Nosy, too. That might cause you some problems later.

Anyways, this whole lunch was a test.

[A BEAT.] Oh, why do you look so shocked? What did you think this was about, anyways? Leisurely conversation with some random kid who came to your house?

Anyways, I’ve been involved in this business for, mm, two years? After a while, you get really good at reading people, you know? Most people who choose to get involved in this are just flat-out stupid, but you, Irene, are a special breed of stupid.

Like, you’re not pretentious or egotistical like some of them are, but you’re stubborn, you know? You don’t go down easy. Take that as a compliment. Or don’t. I barely know you, what does my word count for?

[IRENE STUTTERS SOMETHING INCOHERENT.]

AVERY

[CONT.] What I’m saying is that you might just be stupid enough to accidentally do something smart. That’s the kind of behavior that can save you from getting killed. Am I making sense?

IRENE

Um, maybe?

AVERY

Great. Anyways, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you’re in too deep at this point. You were already kind of cursed the moment you were naive enough to move into Valencia’s house. There’s a reason it was empty for so long, you know. Again, reputation, or whatever.

If you’ve already encountered the Spread, however, well, that’s kind of the final nail in the coffin. You’re in this game, whether you like it or not.

IRENE

Calling it a game implies that it’s fun.

AVERY

[THINKING] For some of them, it is.

IRENE

And who are they?

AVERY

If you learn to shut your mouth, you may never have to find out, but you’re not very good at that.

IRENE

[OFFENDED] Hey—!

AVERY

[OVERLAPPING] Anyways, you clearly need some help getting your footing in all of this. Wouldn’t it be nice to have someone on your side who isn’t out of their mind or a murderer? I pride myself in that.

IRENE

[WARILY] You said this was a test.

AVERY

That I did.

IRENE

…did I pass?

AVERY

Yep.

[HESITANT] The test wasn’t to see whether or not I would help you, though. I planned on offering my assistance regardless—well, unless you were a complete jerk, but you’re not.

The test was to see…well, to see if you could help me.

IRENE

You need my help?

AVERY

[TRYING TO HIDE THEIR WORRY] I think the waiter has our food. You should probably turn off the recording.

IRENE

[REALIZING] Oh. Okay.

[PHONE BEEP.]

[RECORDING ENDS.]

[ANOTHER PHONE BEEP.]

[INT. IRENE’S ATTIC, THE SAME DAY, MIDDAY.]

[THERE IS THE SOUND OF PHOEBE AND HOLLY CLIMBING UP THE LADDER AND INTO THE ATTIC.]

IRENE

[TO PHOEBE] Can you climb up over the—

PHOEBE

[OVERLAPPING] Yup, yup, just um, please—

[IRENE HELPS PHOEBE UP ONTO THE ATTIC FLOOR.]

PHOEBE

Sorry. Thank you.

IRENE

It’s not a problem. Will you be able to get down?

PHOEBE

That should be easier, I think. My legs just hurt a lot if I move too much. It’s fine. I’ll be fine.

[HOLLY CLIMBS UP INTO THE ATTIC.]

HOLLY

Here’s your cane.

PHOEBE

Thank you.

HOLLY

Of course.

PHOEBE

Oh, Irene, I hope you don’t mind I brought someone else. Holly is, uh—

HOLLY

[OVERLAPPING] We’re dating.

IRENE

Oh. Oh! Right, I didn’t know you were dating someone, Phoebe.

PHOEBE

[FLUSTERED] We just started recently—I mean, like, very recent.

IRENE

Well, congratulations.

PHOEBE

Thank you.

[FOOTSTEPS AS HOLLY LOOKS AROUND THE ATTIC.]

HOLLY

So, this is it?

IRENE

Unless he has something hidden beneath the floorboards, then, this is all of it.

HOLLY

[SHE CHUCKLES.] At this point, that wouldn’t surprise me.

IRENE

Good point. [A BEAT.] We’re not ripping up my floors, though. This house may have belonged to Valencia, but it’s mine now.

[PHOEBE IS HEARD FLIPPING THROUGH SOME PAPERS.]

PHOEBE

This looks just like what Grandma Doe has.

IRENE

There’s more than just that.

[IRENE HANDS PHOEBE ONE OF THE BOOKS.]

PHOEBE

[READING THE COVER.] Daughtler: The Heart of Ether.

[SHE FANS THROUGH IT.]

PHOEBE

[SURPRISED] None of this is written in code. Irene, have you read any of this?

IRENE

Not yet. I haven’t had the time. We found these books when we got cornered.

[PHOEBE CONTINUES FLIPPING THROUGH PAGES.]

PHOEBE

It never got finished. He must have died before he could get around to it.

[HOLLY'S FOOTSTEPS ARE HEARD IN THE BACKGROUND.]

IRENE

What do you think he planned on doing with these?

PHOEBE

I’m not sure? Maybe he wanted to make the knowledge more accessible?

[HOLLY IS HEARD OPENING A CARDBOARD BOX.]

HOLLY

Hey, have you looked in this box?

IRENE

Um, no. I haven’t sorted through everything yet. Why?

[AS IRENE TALKS, SHE WALKS OVER TO WHERE HOLLY IS.]

HOLLY

There’s a bunch of undeveloped film in here.

IRENE

What do you think is on it?

HOLLY

Hell if I know. Do you have a place to develop film?

IRENE

No. Do you know anyone, Phoebe?

PHOEBE

Um, no. Sorry.

HOLLY

We can try putting an advert out. There’s a bulletin board outside of the Open Eyes Bookstore. Maybe if we post something, someone will reach out?

IRENE

That’s a good idea. I can put my number on it, too.

PHOEBE

[NERVOUS] Are you sure that’s a good idea?

IRENE

We don’t have to say what the film is for, right? It wouldn’t hurt to try. I mean, what if Valencia took a photo of something really important? Until we figure out how to read the other research, this may be the only tangible evidence we have.

[A BEAT.]

PHOEBE

Yeah, um, about that—

HOLLY

We figured out how to read the research. Well, correction, Phoebe did.

IRENE

[SURPRISED] Actually? That’s great news, Phoebe! How are you going to do it?

PHOEBE

[NERVOUS] Well, you see, it’s er, um, complicated. You might want to sit down?

IRENE

Oh, I guarantee you, nothing can surprise me after the conversation I had earlier. Try me.

PHOEBE

Well, the reason why the papers look blank is because they’re written in a way the human eye can’t read. Everything the two of them researched, it all stemmed from this thing called Ether, though I’m not sure entirely what that means yet other than it’s something like a power source.

My grandmother and Valencia had, um, special abilities? That allowed them to read and write in ways nobody else could understand, as well as do other stuff. So, if I want to be able to properly continue their work, I have to do the same thing they did. Acquire those same powers.

IRENE

So, is there, like, a ritual you have to do?

PHOEBE

You’re not freaking out?

IRENE

[DEADPAN] What did I say? I’ll accept anything at this point.

HOLLY

It is a ritual, yeah. We haven’t done it yet, because there’s a specific way to do it, and the consequences of fucking it up can be pretty bad. Dorothy left instructions on how to do it.

Phoebe’s going to be the only one trying to—how do I say this, ascend? Obtain the magic, or whatever it is? I’m going to be there to help in case anything goes wrong, though.

IRENE

That’s your plan, then? You’re gonna try to get supernatural powers to continue your grandmother’s work?

PHOEBE

It sounds kind of surreal when you put it that way, but, yes.

IRENE

Are you sure that’s what you want, Phoebe? I mean, I’m not saying you shouldn’t—it would definitely be helpful to have someone who can understand all this stuff, but… [SHE TRAILS OFF.]

PHOEBE

But?

IRENE

It’s your life. You don’t have to do what your grandmother did. This sounds like a really big deal. I mean, is there any way to reverse it once it’s done?

PHOEBE

Not as far as I know.

HOLLY

Trust me, we had this conversation. [HOLDING SOMETHING BACK] I have my worries too, but—

PHOEBE

But it’s not really a choice. For me, at least. I’ve thought really hard about it, and I’ve decided that if Grandma Doe thought I could handle it, then I trust her. I know there’s no turning back, but, I’m willing to accept the responsibility.

IRENE

Okay, then. That’s good. I hope it didn’t seem like I was trying to scold you, I just—

PHOEBE

No, you’re fine, don’t worry! I know you’re just looking out for me. I appreciate it. [SHE SAYS THIS WITH SLIGHT DISCOMFORT, SINCE SHE ISN’T USED TO PEOPLE CARING.]

IRENE

Of course.

[A BRIEF PAUSE.]

HOLLY

Well, should we get back to the shop and post that ad?

PHOEBE

That would be a good idea, yeah.

[PHOEBE CLOSES THE BOOK.]

PHOEBE

Um, do you mind if I bring this book with me, Irene?

IRENE

Go right ahead.

PHOEBE

Thanks again.

IRENE

Yup. Let me know how it goes.

[HOLLY HELPS PHOEBE GET ONTO THE LADDER.]

HOLLY

Are you good?

PHOEBE

Yup, yup. Thank you.

HOLLY

Unless you need my help, you can head to the car. I’ll be down in a minute.

PHOEBE

I’ll be okay, thanks.

[A LONG PAUSE WHILE PHOEBE CLIMBS DOWN AND LEAVES.]

HOLLY

Irene?

IRENE

Yeah?

HOLLY

What’s your endgame here?

IRENE

[TAKEN ABACK] Um, what?

HOLLY

I mean, why are you doing this?

IRENE

I didn’t have a choice. The mold attacked me first.

HOLLY

But you didn’t just move to a different place. You didn’t try to run away.

[A TENSE PAUSE.]

IRENE

[WARILY] You know what they say. Curiosity killed the cat.

HOLLY

Oh, come on, it’s not just that.

IRENE

[A BEAT.] No. No, it’s not.

HOLLY

Whatever it is, could you promise me one thing?

IRENE

I can try.

HOLLY

Don’t get too close. You’re already in dangerous territory. Not long until you’re gonna get burned.

IRENE

[SHE SCOFFS.] Not the first time I’ve heard that today.

HOLLY

[DEFENSIVE] And no matter what it is, you don’t put Phoebe at risk, in any way. You don’t touch a hair on her head, got that?

IRENE

I’d never dream of it.

HOLLY

Good. Take care.

IRENE

You, too.

[HOLLY LEAVES. THERE’S A LONG MOMENT WHILE IRENE LINGERS, WAITING UNTIL THEY’VE LEFT THE HOUSE.]

IRENE

There’s one more thing I need to tell you, Rose.

When Avery asked me to turn off the recording, it wasn’t just because our food had arrived. They said they needed my help with something.

You know how they said they were part of a wider, I guess, subcategory of weird? The Hungry? They know other people who are like that, and apparently, the Hungry are starting to go missing. It’s been most prevalent in the Washington area over the past month, but it’s been going on across the country for a long time.

Avery thinks someone’s killing them. One by one. Hunting them down.

They asked if I could help figure out what’s happening. I agreed. Not sure why. I have no clue how I’m supposed to catch a killer. Guess I’ll have to figure it out.

I should get going. I have a lot of thinking to do.

Talk to you soon.

[PHONE BEEP.]

[RECORDING ENDS.]

[ANOTHER PHONE BEEP.]

[INT. IRENE’S BEDROOM, NIGHT.]

[THERE IS THE SOUND OF CRICKETS FROM OUTSIDE.]

IRENE

[SOFTLY, TINGED WITH SLEEPINESS] Hey. I know it’s late. Trust me, I’ve tried sleeping, but it just isn’t happening. I have too much on my mind. Avery’s problem, Phoebe’s plan…Ether. Whatever that means.

But, above all of that—above the chaos my life is slowly dissolving into—I’ve realized something: I might see you again. For years, the thought of being with you has been a passive daydream. Now, for the first time in ages, it’s a real and tangible thing in my hands. It’s not just a hope, but a possible future.

I’ve thought about how I might react. Hell, I’ve thought about that ever since you first went missing. Will I start sobbing? Will I scream? I have no idea. I might not do anything. Might just stand there and stare at you, dumbfounded.

[TENDER] I can be sure of one thing: if I find you, I promise not to let go. Whatever is chasing you, whatever tries to hurt you, I won’t let it. You’ve run for so long. You must be so tired.

If—no, when—when I find you, I’ll…I’ll give you anything, okay? A hundred flowers. A thousand paper cranes. Easy mornings, trips to the bakery, that domestic life you used to romanticize so much, but never got. My flesh, my blood, my bones, my whole entire being. I’ll give it all to you. Of course I will.

Goodnight, my dove.

[PHONE BEEP.]

[RECORDING ENDS.]

AUTOMATED VOICE

Today's quote is: “I will take the sun in my mouth

and leap into the ripe air

Alive

with closed eyes

to dash against darkness.”

E.E. Cummings in Crepuscule, 1917.

We are all there is here. That which we harbor will not spoil you with rotten words. There is no cause for concern. There is no cause for concern. [THEN, SLOWER] There is no—

[THE VOICE IS CUT OFF BY A GLITCHING NOISE.]

[OUTRO MUSIC & CREDITS PLAY.]

ELI ESDI

The Station Arcadia podcast tells stories from a dystopian world where dieselpunk, steampunk, cyberpunk and solarpunk societies all exist side by side. These diverse stories are told through a radio station on a shifting island, and given voice by the Station's Host - Kassandra.

KASS

Did that man just try to offer jerky as a consolation prize for someone’s daughter?

ELI

Woven through each stand-alone story are threads that come together to tell the story of a revolution, and hope in the face of a dying world. MEMORIE

I understand enough. The revolution still has hope and I want to help.

ELI Breaks in the narration bring us on-site to each society, where we hear four unique and powerful stories.

[ALICE GRUNTS]

TEDDY

Stop squirming!

ALICE

I can lift myself through the window let me just-!

[DULL THUD FROM BEHIND A WALL.]

ALICE

[MUFFLED] Ow.

ELI

Station Arcadia broadcasts Fridays at 9 am Pacific Time. Transcripts and additional information are available at stationarcadia.com.

Remember listeners; Stay Safe, Stay Moving, and Stick Close. You’ve been listening to Station Arcadia, the promo.

[keiththespacekitty]

These heroic men and women... and Lance

"Shiro… can we, um- can we- can we talk?" Lance couldn't keep this bottled up much longer. It felt so heavy, so uncomfortable, so off. Secrets didn't keep well when they weighed on your mind and jarred your soul.

"Of course, always!" Shiro responded immediately, guiding Lance to sit down.

"Something just… doesn't feel right," Lance began awkwardly, "I don't feel right. I- I don't know why, I just- have this sinking feeling like I'm being- forced into some uncomfortable tight box. And- the weirdest things make me feel so uncomfortable and wrong, and I tried… I tried trying to hop to the other side, but that felt just as wrong and alien as I do now, and I just… I'm not- happy, like this."

"Lance," Shiro began gently, "I'm gonna need you to be more specific… what's this about?"

"My gender," Lance replied quietly, "I just- I don't feel happy. I don't feel right."

"I'm glad you felt able to come to me about this, Lance," Shiro said softly, "what have you figured out so far? I'll see if I can help you somehow."

"I'm… really not comfortable as a boy," Lance replied, knee bouncing with anxiety, "but I'm not… I'm not comfortable as a girl either… I- I'm just- I'm not comfortable…"

"Lance…" Shiro thought carefully for a moment, before turning to face Lance. "Have you considered that you might be non-binary?" Lance looked up at Shiro, brows furrowed in consideration.

"I can just… do that?"

"Well- yeah," Shiro began with a smile, "if the gender binary is uncomfortable for you, you don't have to identify with it. Just because it's important for some people doesn't mean that you personally have to stick to it. Gender is… personal, Lance, it's okay to identify however makes you feel the most comfortable. It's okay to try different pronouns and labels until you find what fits. And maybe people will always be misinformed, or bigoted even, but life is too short to live uncomfortably just to please people who are never going to be pleased unless you hide yourself away. You have friends who will accept you no matter who you are, Lance. A community of people going through similar stuff who will support you too. You don't have to be a boy or a girl. It's okay if you're both or neither or fluid or whatever feels like you. You don't have to wait for some cosmic sign, but in case you are, this is it. You're valid, it's okay to identify as non-binary, you're not fake, your pronouns, if they've changed, deserve respect. And it's also okay if you try a label and it doesn't fit right. Do what you feel will make your life and your identity the most comfortable. I know that my own experiences with gender were confusing, as a trans man, and if there's one thing I've learned, it's that if you really feel like you're not cis? That's because you probably aren't. The decisions you make now don't have to be permanent. So just do whatever makes you feel the most comfortable. That'll be the right decision, no matter how permanent or temporary it may be."

"I never knew you were trans," Lance said quietly, and Shiro smiled gently, resting his hand on Lance's shoulder. 

"Well, now you do," he beamed.

"Shiro…" Lance took a measured breath, and finally managed a quiet confession. "I'm not a boy."

"And that's perfectly okay, Lance," Shiro reassured supportively.

"I'm… I'm non-binary," Lance mused with a slight smile. "I don't know if any more specific labels really resonate with me but… my gender is… like the ocean, free, but always there like a constant. I… feel comfortable with non-binary. Just- saying that… makes that tight uncomfortable feeling lift away somewhat… like I was in a box and now I'm free. In a world of zeroes and ones, I'm just… neither. I'm not on or off, up or down, male or female, I'm just… Lance. There's men, women, and… Lance. Just Lance. I'm just Lance. Ladies, gentlemen, and Lance. I'm not he or him, she or her. I'm just... they."

"Would you like me to use they/them pronouns for you, Lance?"

"Yeah…" Lance smiled, unable to stop the smile upon their face as warmth blossomed in their chest. They felt comfortable for the first time in a very long time. "Yeah, that feels right."

"I'm glad you get to experience that feeling, Lance," Shiro smiled, "and when or even if you decide to tell the team, I'll be right here supporting you."

"Thank you, Space Dad," Lance smiled, leaning back and taking a deep breath at the euphoric relief they felt of not forcing themselves to identify as male. "Thank you so much."

"It's no problem, Lance," Shiro smiled, patting them on the back before he stood up and headed towards the door. "Take some time to sort your head out, then join us for lunch."

"Shiro, can you…" Lance shrugged awkwardly, Shiro waiting in the doorway with an encouraging smile. "Can you tell everyone my pronouns, please? I… don't wanna be misgendered anymore."

"Of course," Shiro smiled, and Lance turned back to look at space again as Shiro left. They felt content, at peace with themselves and their identity. It made them smile to themselves as they watched the stars, feeling grateful to know that, out here in space, being different to the majority wasn't so alien. They had a distinct feeling that, for once, everything would simply be alright.

Lance tried to act calm as they headed to lunch, but they couldn't quell their anxiety. They understood that it would take some time for people to switch from using he/him to using they/them, and that didn't bother them. But nerves still set in their belly, churning and filling his mind with the possibility of purposeful and ignorant misgendering. They made themselves late from pacing outside the door.

"Finally, they're here," Pidge grinned, and the instant rush of gender euphoria had Lance smiling goofily.

Hunk turned around with a cake, decorated with the non-binary flag, grinning. "Lance, buddy! We're all so proud of you!"

"I've already had Coran update your records to include the correct pronouns," Allura said with a smile, "I'm glad you felt able to trust us with this, Lance."

"And if anyone's a dick about it, I'll stab them with my sword," Keith added, and Lance had never felt more at home- here, in space, with their new found family, safe in the knowledge that they never had to explain who they were to be accepted. Lance finally felt comfortable.

[halfasleepoetry]

Love Letters

There are love letters coming in the mail but with nothing written on the outside, not even a name, so I always give them to you, because I just assume they’re for you because I think I’ve seen you holding one of the envelopes before and you’re the kind of person that has a secret admirer, definitely not me…

prompt taken from @creativepromptsforwriting

The first time it happened, Ben looked a little pale when Joe handed him the powder blue envelope with no name and address on it. Since Mark moved out last month, it’s only been the two of them, so he figured out that the letter must be for Ben, his good-looking, blonde, green-eyed English housemate with a hot bod, who wakes up at 6am to run at the park everyday to keep fit and then comes home with bagels stuffed with cream cheese. There’s a faint whiff of fragrance from the paper as well, and he wondered who sends old-fashioned love letter nowadays anyway? “I hope it’s not a prank, mate,” and then again wondered if maybe he shouldn’t have said that, since Ben visibly tensed up and disappeared into his room with the envelope without a word.

The second time he found the nameless envelope in their mailbox was exactly a week ago, a few days after the first one. It was getting a little suspicious, if not worrying. “How did you send a reply?” he asked a stricken-looking Ben later that day. “Did they write instructions to leave the reply at a specific post box or wait, maybe like, at an inconspicuous place, like taped to the fire hydrant or something?” He looked at Ben, frowning. “Do you even know who this person is, or is the whole mystery identity exciting? Is this some kind of a new dating app game?” Ben proceeded to slam the door in front of Joe’s face after he said that, but he has to admit, the whole thing was rather hilarious.

By the time the third faintly-fragranced powder blue envelope arrived, Joe thought he should apologize to Ben for making fun of his mysterious letter-sender, regardless of whether they are real and their identity a secret, or not. “I thought it’s sweet that people still want to write and send old-fashioned love letters in this age and century,” he said as he handed him the blue envelope. “I mean, I didn’t think that it’s creepy at all. And I’m not judging you either. Whatever makes you happy, right?” But again, Ben wordlessly disappeared into his room with the envelope and he hoped he didn’t upset the blonde in any way. He did think it’s a little creepy, though, just saying.

The fourth envelope appeared in their mailbox yesterday. Joe was beginning to think that it’s either Ben is as creepy as the letter sender, and they really are exchanging love letters, (which is fine by him because hey, they are probably a good match then. Creepy and creeper) or there’s something more sinister going on here. “Are you being threatened or blackmailed by any chance?” he asked rather seriously, “because you shouldn’t keep these things to yourself, you know.” Ben shook his head quickly, frowning, “No, of course not!” he answered, a little incredulous. Joe nodded and chugged his beer. “Are you a spy, then?” Ben groaned into his hand. “Okay don’t answer me maybe. Because then you might have to kill me, and I don’t want to die--”

“No, I’m not a spy, Joe.” Ben answered, sighing heavily. “And you’re right. This whole letter thing is getting ridiculous,” he trailed off as he got up to go to the kitchen sink. He rinsed his beer bottle and put it into the box that Joe labeled for recycling. “Are we still up for movie night?” he asked, clearly wanting to change the topic. “You bet we are.” Joe grinned, glad that Ben wasn’t upset with him. “It’s your kind of movie too, you’re gonna love it.” 

And he was right. As usual they get settled comfortably on the couch and switched off all the lights and left the reading light in the living room dimmed. Ben cried nearly at the end of the movie, at the part where Joe thought he would, and he silently handed him the box of tissue papers he had kept handy on the couch. He cried again when the movie ended, slumping slightly against Joe’s side. Joe wound his arm around Ben’s shoulder, rubbing his arm a little. “That was a good movie.” He said into Joe’s sweater. “And I hate you,” he added after, which made Joe laugh. “Admit it, I choose the best movies.” Ben looked up at him, smiling, and it’s not the first time that the blonde’s smile made his heart skip a beat, but he has grown to get used to it by now. So his blonde housemate is nice and sweet and kind and very attractive too, okay? And he’s pretty sure by now that Ben’s smile can melt rocks, let alone his poor, poor heart.

“Yes, you do,” Ben agreed, looking at the TV screen again. “Let’s watch something mindless and distracting for a while?” he said, not moving from where he’s comfortably leaning against Joe, even as Joe moved sideways in the opposite direction to grab the remote control. They just shifted here and there to get comfortable. “Something mindless coming right up,” Joe said as he pressed the button on the remote. They both agreed to settle on watching a talk show rerun, which Joe actually found rather engaging. Or distracting, or both. He didn’t realize that he’s absent-mindedly scratching his nails against the sleeve of Ben’s sweater in a short and steady up and down movement. He stopped when Ben spoke.

“About the letter thing,” he paused, as if thinking. It gave Joe some time to refocus his thoughts as well. Ben was so quiet for the last ten minutes that he honestly thought he had dozed off. “You think they should have just come out and say how they feel, yeah?”

read the rest here.

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