#like i’m actually devastated
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we had a very sudden and shocking death of a resident at work yesterday evening and i’ve been thinking about how so many people say they wouldn’t want their loved ones to be in a home because they worry the staff wouldn’t care or their loved ones wouldn’t be looked after properly.
this lady was so loved that the admin at work had to ring everyone up who wasn’t on the morning shift to let them know before they got to work. when i got there for the afternoon shift there were people in bits. when her family came this evening both staff and the other residents were genuinely in tears. trust me people care and they care a lot
#tw death#personal#like i’m actually devastated#and it feels weird because part of me feels like i dont have a right to be super upset#because i’m not her family#and i didnt know her super long#but i did know her for almost my whole time working there and i saw her 5 days a week every week#she was a friend to me#she had been poorly the last few days but she’d been poorly before and bounced back#no one expected to lose her#and i think whats making it difficult is that every other resident i’ve experienced pass away#has been end of life or almost end of life#so i expected it and made peace with it#but i was literally talking to her and making jokes with her in the morning and then 8 hours later i get told she passed#fawk sorry this is long and personal but#maybe typing it all out will be beneficial#she was 94 and you never wouldve guessed looking at her and she was nicest kindest funniest lady ever it was a pleasure looking after her
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sometimes i see my sensitivity as a strength but then i cry for an hour after dropping one of the baby caterpillars i was trying to save and not being able to find him and i think…yeah maybe not
#like i’m actually devastated#he was so tiny and i just wanted to put him on a plant that had food#bc the one he was on was completely bare and he wasn’t gonna make it 😔#i looked for him til it got dark but 😔#why am i like this 🤠#mine
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in case you are in the mood to feel devastated here’s an alternate way of viewing charles’ response to edwin’s confession:
we know that charles kinda puts edwin on a pedestal- yes they are partners but there is a bit of a hierarchy between them. charles just looks up to and admires edwin in so many ways while constantly looking down on and being really hard on himself. he puts on his big happy persona because he thinks that people wouldn’t like him if they actually got to know him.
so when edwin confesses, it’s like a blow to him. he took his charming persona too far and went and tricked the most important person in the world into thinking he was worthy of love. and it’s worse because he does love edwin in that way, which is exactly why he can’t let him know that. charles still believes that he is like his dad, and he saw exactly what his parents’ relationship did to his mother.
he thinks that loving edwin in the way that he wants to would only cause more pain to this boy who has already been through far more than he deserves. so he blinks back his tears, attempts the same charming smile he’s used all these years, and dishes out the gentlest non-rejection in the history of forever
#i don’t really think this is what happened but my brain just loves to add an extra sprinkle of angst to everything#but honestly the more that i study that scene the more i think this is a possibility#at least to some extent#like specifically his facial reactions after edwin says he’s in love with him#he looks panicked and devastated#almost like it was something he thought about before and was afraid of it happening#and then he cracks his little joke to downplay it because he isn’t ready to accept that what’s really happening#because he already had to watch edwin get dragged away before he could step in to protect him and now this#his two worst nightmares became reality in hell#anyways i do think he’s just oblivious and will figure it out in season 2#but i just wanted to ramble#i do think a lot of the reason why he has to figure things out is because he’s afraid he’s a bad person#so it’s more him figuring out if he’s good enough to love edwin rather than if he actually does#okay i’m done yapping for now#dead boy detectives#payneland#charles rowland
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can 2024 be the year we stop calling stay-at-home moms stupid for being ‘financially dependent’ and risking being trapped in abusive relationships, and instead start addressing why there are no social safety nets in place for people who choose to leave the workforce to raise their children
#i’m so tired of the way everyone talks about this issue#like no it actually is really fucked up that doing something which is a net positive for society (raising children)#can put someone in a potentially devastating and life ruining situation#tradwife discourse#stay at home mom#stay at home parent#feminism#anti capitalism#capitalism#star rambles
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Rewatching the Fable S3 finale and can I just say? Violet shushing Icarus when the start apologizing after killing Fable is making me physically ill?
LIKE IN MY MIND MAP
Icarus is being cradled because canonical they are struggling to stand, and Violet is just wiping their tears as they try to get back up to start apologizing?
ABSOLUTE 5 STAR 3 COURSE ANGST MEAL IM JUST NOW SEEING
Absolutely DEVASTATING
#icarus morningstar#centross mistvale#fablesmpblr#fablesmp#fable smp#fable smp finale#prison duo is like actually stabbing me#this is devastating#i’m having fun
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the intimacy and soul deep love that comes with outright telling someone you’re worried about them…
buck and eddie have been individually and jointly dragged through the coals before this; but never have they explicitly said how they worry about each other or anything to that likeness
and while the whole point of tv is to read between the lines, to pick up expressions in lieu of time-restricted dialogues, there is something absolutely devastating about buck putting those words out there in the quiet of eddie’s kitchen, only to hear them echoed right back
and it’s also in the tone of his voice, something to the stubborn quiet way he sneaks past every single one of eddie’s denials to the heart of the matter that mirrors the way buck buried himself in eddie’s heart so long ago without his knowledge, and now it’s kind of like eddie’s version of confession, his safe space to repent, his safe space to find some direction in a way religion never did for him but buck does?
and there’s something about the expression on buck’s face too, the one we’ve seen so many times when he fears losing eddie, and i just think that for both of them (including eddie himself) to voice concern about eddie’s mental state essentially, something really bad is probably coming up
#zee rambles#idk i’m just rambling here because that one line is actually so devastating#i’m one hundred percent reading a lot into it#but if you mirror eddie’s relationship with buck with some religious things…there’s actually a lot more there than you’d think#like i’m not saying buck is his religion or whatever but like. y’know#i’m still half asleep before my shift today so if any of this doesn’t make sense sorry#eddie diaz#evan buckley#buddie#buck x eddie#911 meta#911 abc#911 on abc
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A (slightly angsty) domestic zukka hc I’ve been thinking abt a lot: I think Zuko would have a sort of knee-jerk flinching reaction when anybody touches his scar (with katara he looks like he’s bracing himself and with mai his whole upper body is sort of being held in place by her) (which i definitely think mai did on purpose to make him feel more comfortable but anyways) I think Sokka would after the first time figure out Zuko flinches hard even when he sees it coming and he’s The Plan Guy so I think he would secretly experiment and find out Zuko doesn’t flinch when sokka drags his hand from a different part of him (like his hair) onto his face. So he just starts doing that and it takes Zuko a stupid long amount of time to realize “hey Sokka touches my face a lot and it doesn’t suck. I wonder why🤨” until one day he figures it out like Sokka you sneaky shit you were nice to me and I didn’t notice
Bc the whole “zuko lets Sokka touch his scar bc he trusts him and he’s super normal abt it” is nice but it doesn’t feel realistic? You can trust someone a whole lot and still have instinctive trauma reactions. I think it’s much sweeter if Sokka notices and figures out a way to make it better without being asked.
Oh….. I’m….. this is a nice one 👍🏼
#ARREGEHSJKASJDASHJDKHGSADJHGSJHGSDMGHASDMHGSAGHMDSAHMGDMHGSAMHGDSGHMADGHMDMHGASMHDAGHMSDJHGDSSJGHSEJHDDSEDSE#?????????#hey anon????#you didn’t think u could get away with this right????#like this isn’t absolutely devastating in the best way possible???? RIGHT#??????#I’m ROLLING AROUND CRYINF SCREAMING WAILING THROWING UP BANGING MY FISTS ON THE WALL???#THIS IS ACTUALLY THE MOST TENDER SWEET ANGSTY THING IVE EVER READDDDD HOW COULD#HOW COULD YOU#HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO MEEEEEEE#ANON IM PUNCHING YOU IN THE FACE AND KISSING U ON THE KNUCKLES#DASHIUDUKHSADKUHDAKHSUKHUAD#NEVER RECOVERINF BRB 👍🏼#(thank you for your contribution this is beautiful and I’m going to think about this for the rest of my life)#atla#zukka#zuko x sokka#asks#my asks
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Back at it again with another theory: What if Lucanis’ betrayal wasn’t a betrayal at all?
(obviously, spoilers below the cut)
During The Wigmaker Job, we have some dialogue between Illario and Lucanis about their position within both the Crows and the Dellamorte family. Illario wants Caterina to step down so he can take the coveted First Talon spot. Lucanis reassures him that his time is coming, to which Illario makes a snide comment about whether his cousin would ever go against their grandmother’s wishes. When they continue the conversation after the job, Illario states that Lucanis is the potential heir, that he’s her favorite, and that he’s unlikely to say no to her. Lucanis doesn’t argue, only insists that he doesn’t want to be First Talon, and that he hopes she’ll see reason before that. It’s mentioned again in Eight Little Talons - Caterina favors Lucanis. It’s well-known enough among the Crows that Viago and Teia discuss it in front of her (not on purpose, but she doesn’t deny it). He’s her prodigy through and through.
In the opening scene for the Lucanis quest in Veilguard, Caterina is poised, as you’d expect of the First Talon. She’s certain that the body they buried wasn’t her grandson, that it had been altered with blood magic. She doesn’t pose it as a theory, though: she poses it as a fact. It could, of course, merely be her confidence, but there’s another very unusual aspect to the scene – everyone else discusses how Lucanis was clearly betrayed, that someone must have sold him out in order for the Venatori to capture him. Caterina is the only one in that room who never speaks on it. She doesn’t ask for justice, doesn’t mention vengeance, never acknowledges that her grandson was sold out by someone he trusted – perhaps because he wasn’t.
What if, when Caterina comes to him with a plan, with an impossible request, he’s still her favorite prodigal grandchild, and he still does whatever she asks? She’s had him tortured before as a child, has tortured and starved and beaten him herself before, because it makes him stronger and more resistant to it in the future. He says in The Wigmaker Job that he used to hate her for it, but now he understands. He justifies it. All Crows justify it, because they have to - if they don’t, then the cruelty wasn’t for survival’s sake, and their suffering meant nothing. Perhaps he doesn’t even question it. When Caterina tells him that she has a job for him, he takes it.
What if the contract has a caveat? Sure, Calivan must die by his hand by the end of it, a little treat for a job well done, but what if his primary mission is reconnaissance, is discovery? The Venatori are using blood magic to torture and corrupt prisoners. It would behoove the Crows to find out what it entails and how to resist it, before it’s turned back on them. It would have to be someone so deeply, unabashedly loyal to her that when she asked them to infiltrate a Venatori prison, expecting torture at best, their own death at worst, they’d take the job anyway, no questions asked - someone Caterina can trust, certainly, but also someone who has never once said no to her.
And Lucanis has always been a loyal grandson.
#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age: the veilguard#datv#datv spoilers#veilguard spoilers#da posting#maybe it’s also just because she thinks it would make him stronger and that’s how she always justifies it to herself because she’s evil!!!!#she’s MICRODOSING her GRANDSON with BLOOD TORTURE and DEMONS to fashion him into A BETTER WEAPON#I keep hearing people be like ‘oh there’s a moment in the lucanis storyline where I GASPED’#and other than like ‘he was dead the entire time’ I’m like…… what would be that shocking#and you know what would be that shocking??#if he put himself through it on purpose#envisioning a line where he’s like ‘when Caterina told me to go I didn’t ask questions because I’m a good crow!!!!!’#(also I think that would REALLY give a good bite to his demon being SPITE of all things)#also also I still think that Illario kills caterina (if she’s actually dead) but y’know what?#if he does GOOD FOR HIM#also lucanis just happening to be bursting out of his cell when you get there…. SUSPECT#was he just ready to break out at any time? if so why did he stay and get tortured for a YEAR?#why were the guards so afraid of him?? what was he capable of???#‘you’re a crow’ or ‘but you’re not a crow’ ohhhh so you were expecting a rescue?#oh I am CONNECTING the DOTS (I haven’t connected shit) I’VE CONNECTED THEM#voelene#your caterina + illario post started these wheels turning and I am eternally grateful#also tho did update this slightly because I forgot about their conversation at the end of TWJ#also got so wrapped up in my hatred of caterina that I failed to consider another emotionally devastating option:#that lucanis was the one who wanted to go and caterina covered for him#now THAT’S got some bite to it too#and maybe Lucanis volunteering to take on a demon is why it doesn’t possess him fully#it’s like a wynne/anders thing it’s symbiotic
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I wish yall cared more about animal activism and protecting wildlife than you do mocking people who care about these things even if they act “cringe” about it
#like listen I’m not saying I don’t have problems with how certain animal activists go about things#but yall take a little TOO much joy in mocking them#and usually in response yall say the craziest shit against animals#and I’m not about that!#it’s always rubbed me the wrong way like do you actually care about the environment and the devastating destruction taking place ?#are you contributing anything to this conversation beyond ‘lol I hate vegans’#I don’t think you are…
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i just saw a tiktok talking about the idea of the whole time james was openly pining after lily she thought it was a joke and that he was making fun of her im unwell
#this is actually devastating to me#it’s like that one audio that’s like#“i’m not in love with you anymore#“i didn’t know you ever were#sigh i need to lie down#james potter#lily evans#jily#marauders#marauders era#dead gay wizards from the 70s#harry potter
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the more I dig into arcane the more obviously flawed it becomes. the narrative craft is literally all over the place, oh my god
#I don’t think I’ve seen something this messy since killing eve 💀#I’m about to drop the fattest essay I think I’ve ever written btw#ghost meta is COMING BACKKKK#not but fr this is crazy#it’s so devastating because it could’ve been SO GOOD#the writers had no idea what tf they were doing 😭 they were likely just winging it#‘enemy’ by imagine dragons is actually about me and amanda overton because she is my new enemy (jokinggggg)#OH OH THE MISERYYYYYY#arcane critical#ghost speaks
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it’s so telling that the ultra-wealthy are suddenly so worried about violence when it’s against a ceo but couldn’t be bothered by the hundreds of school shootings that have happened over the years
#i’m so glad that people are realizing that this isn’t a left v right thing#it’s everyone v the ultra wealthy#it’s actually devastating watching the people in my area (a very poor appalachian area) think that trump cares about them#because he doesn’t. he really truly doesn’t.#he does not care about all you working-class appalachian folks#OPEN UP YOUR EYES!!!!!! ‘violence is wrong and bad’ ‘violence never solved anything’ fuck you!!!! FUCK YOU!!!!!#what about gun violence in schools? and genocide in palestine? and police violence? why are these not problems?#why is a ceo’s life worth more than the lives of kindergarteners who got shot in their classrooms? or people from gaza who have literally#lost everything?#or black people who are victims of violence from the people who should be protecting them?#‘violence never solved anything’ is bullshit.#stonewall and like. the fucking french revolution. for example#why is violence so terrible only if it’s against a rich white man?#ceo shooting#united healthcare#us politics#us news#tw school shooting#tw shooting
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Fyodor would absolutely invent a medieval cello just so he could celebrate😌🎶🎻 my tlkt0k: sarahdeleonart
#should I start posting my silly tlkt0k animatics here👁️#the clock app really liked this one lmao#bc we are all theorizing how ACTUALLY devastating & traumatizing his first time resurrecting probably was😀😀😀#I’m not kidding it’s keeping me up at night#the amount of angsty theories I have#yes I will be drawing them all👍🥲#and also my fanfic writing urges are tingling#what if I actually post this time ah haaaaa#fyodor#fyodor dostoevsky#fyodor fanart#bsd#bsd fanart#bungou stray dogs#bungou stray dogs fanart#bungo stray dogs#bungo stray dogs fanart#fanart#digital art#artists of tumblr#artists on tumblr#anime#manga#bsd manga#bsd 114.5#bsd fyodor#fyodor dostoyevsky bsd#bungou stray dogs fyodor#animatic#animatics
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it’s a shame we didn’t get to see more Schnozmo I want to know more about that fucker
is. is this anything. I bet he and Mama Cosma had a very strained relationship.
#fop fanart#fairly oddparents#schnozmo cosma#fop schnozmo#cosmo cosma#fop cosmo#fop mama cosma#my art#in a weird sad mood so take this#how do you draw this guy’s NOSE it’s pmo#how much older is Schnozmo#the age old question#no pun intended#teehee#we don’t even know what schnozmo’s relationship with their parents is like#how young was he when papa cosma turned into a fly. do you think they were close. was he devastated.#I don’t actually think he’d hold it against cosmo#he may be a sleazy conman but he does love his little brother#I bet he hates mama cosma though. who doesn’t though am I right.#I was watching bojack horseman recently#see if I were schnozmo I’d go no contact with mama cosma#okay NOW I’m going to bed goodnight y’all
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it’s 3:37 AM where I’m at and I’m bawling my eyes out over an Arno fanfic. A month and a half ago I thought this man was mid. THIS IS TRULY HUMILIATING 😭
#assassin’s creed#arno dorian#arno victor dorian#ac unity#babblingbrook babbles#StuntzTheDude and thenyxfray. when I catch you fuckers. it’s OVER.#hi so it’s actually cruel and unusual punishment to say Arno held Elise’s dead body for four days before being coaxed to let her go#that’s actually really fucking mean#the Arno and Léon relationship was incredible#the devastation. The longing. the inability to cope.#I have not bawled over a fanfiction like this in I think years GOD#it’s called ‘To Move Forward’ it’s on AO3#very triggering tho read the tags#I’m so upset but it was genuinely one of the best fanfics I’ve ever read#the writing was so beautiful and eloquent#gang I gotta let yall know I fuck with it
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Every time I think about Kawoshin my heart aches and I have to log off and reconnect with nature and empty my mind in order to stop myself from breaking into tears. Like I’m being so serious when I say I don’t think I’ve ever been so emotionally impacted by a fictional ship in my life 😭
#neon genesis evangelion#nge#neon genesis evangelion spoilers#nge spoilers#spoilers upcoming in the tags be careful I’m warninggg youuuu warning warning warning#so I’ve completely finished the anime and am watching the rebuilds now#and I’m at the part where Kaworu is abt to die and i fr had to shut off the show like idk if I’ll even be able to finish it 😭#like I’m genuinely distraught#yk what I don’t think I’ve been this impacted by a characters death in a WHILE#like usually I get sad but I power through#but this has me in such a state of devastation that I genuinely don’t know if I’ll even be able to finish it 😭#when the story is so good it has you in a state of genuine emotional distress and panic#I should reblog this when I actually get through the rebuilds bc I bet you I’ll put it off for months#they are happy and alive in my heart 😞#lorddd the piano scene gutted me. and them watching the stars#CRYING WEEPINH……GOOD LORDDDD THEY MAKE ME MISERABLE 🙁🙁#kawoshin#kaworu nagisa#shinji ikari
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