#like i was so terrified by so many things and i was shaking horribly and repeating myself in my notes

[sehnsuchts-trunken]

So Much Love in Oklahoma

Tyler Owens x fem!reader  7k words

summary: Tyler saves you from a tornado one day. The next, he shows up at your doorstep.

a/n: absolutely no clue about tornados. or oklahoma. don't come at me for inaccuracies

also!!! i'm currently working on some tyler smut too, but you are so definitely allowed to come request things (or just talk to me)! my inbox is wideeeee open, especially when it comes to mister owens <33

masterlist | twisters masterlist

What happens that particular Tuesday afternoon should have been impossible. That's what goes through your head about a bazillion times in the following days. The chances of what happens even happening are about as close to zero, you think, as the possibility of you discovering a cure for cancer.

(They're not. Of course. But it feels like that.)

Because you're not even really in Oklahoma. You're just driving through Oklahoma. You're not from a place where they give you a 'How to Deal with Tornados' manual in school. You're entirely, completely, wholly unprepared for what's brewing as you drive down almost empty highways with the radio all the way up.

So when suddenly, you're in the middle of a storm, with the wind picking up until it drowns out your music and rain and hail slashing against your windows, you're absolutely terrified.

It forms within a few minutes, goes from barely grey skies to a horrible, horrible whirl of almost black clouds, and the insecurity you'd been feeling turns into the gut-churning realisation that you're unquestionably fucked.

Some part of your brain tugs out a deeply buried memory of cars being sucked into tornados on the news, so with your heart racing a few hundred miles per hour and your hands shaking so badly you can barely hold onto the steering wheel anymore, you maneuver your car onto the side of the road, just in time for you to be climbing out of the passenger seat as another car comes to a shrieking halt next to yours.

You're getting drenched within half a second, you're honestly not that sure whether your cheeks are wet from the rain or your tears, and on top of that, you almost trip as you set your trembling feet onto the ground below. The other car's driver bangs their door shut with a resounding thud that makes you flinch so hard you think your soul leaves your body. Your head shoots up as he shouts at you, already three steps away from his truck:

"What the hell are you doing out here?"

He's drenched, too - his hair sticks to his face and his shirt clings to his skin and his pants are stained at least a shade darker. But unlike you, he's not shaking, he's steady as a fucking rock, steady and quick, already reaching out for your arm before you can even begin to think. Your brain lags behind, foggy and cloudy and scared, so fucking scared. You're so terrified you can hardly open your mouth.

"I-", you stutter, then he's wrapping his big hand around your arm and tugging you away from your car, away from the road already.

"We need to get the fuck down!", he calls, pulling you with him onto one of those many, many fields that surround you. "There's a ditch over there, see that?"

You're wide-eyed, shaking, basically being dragged along by him - one foot in front of the other, that's what your brain's concentrating on right now, which is easier said than done. You trip over your own feet every other step. But the guy just wraps his arm around your waist and hurries further.

"Do you see that?", he asks again when you don't respond. Your mind races even faster than your heart does, but you force yourself to concentrate on his voice. The panic doesn't lessen, but his question shifts your focus. Ditch. Ditch. Not the storm raging around you, no, you're looking for a ditch. You're focusing on finding a ditch.

"Yeah", you breathe, your eyes finally catching on the ditch only a bit away.

"Yeah?", the guy shouts. "We need to get there. We need to get low."

With that, he picks up his pace once more and you stumble along, bumping into his side, watching the ditch come closer and closer and closer until your feet are drowned in dirty, muddy water.

"Alright, get down!", he shouts, unwrapping his arm from around your waist to help you into the cold, cold water. "Hold onto the ground!"

You aren't thinking. You can't think. Your brain has shut off completely. Panic numbs every part of you. All you can do, all you can possibly do, is concentrate on the voice of the man who's crouching down beside you. It's like his words have replaced your own thoughts, and like a marionette, you stretch out your arms and dig your fingers into the grass. Which is way easier said than done. You're pretty sure you feel one of your nails break as you try your hardest to find something, anything to hold onto. And then the wind hits.

If you'd thought you'd experienced heavy winds before, you were wrong. So wrong. No vacation in a surfer's town could possibly compare to this.

"Fuck!", you scream, instinctively dropping your head onto the moist grass below. The wind pulls and pulls and pulls at you and you imagine yourself being dragged by it - dragged away, away into certain death. But then an arm wraps around you, and the guy next to you is not next to you anymore but half on top of you, securing you in his arms, holding you close, pressing you to the ground.

"Stay down!", he shouts as you cling to the grass. "I got you."

I got you.

You replay that in your head like a mantra - he's got you, he's got you, he's got you. You're trembling, you're shaking, you're cramping, you're trying to hold onto the ground with all your might as the wind grows and grows and grows and pulls and pulls and pulls at you.

You want to scream. You think you're screaming. But it's so loud. It's deafening, the roar of the wind and the thunder. You can't hear yourself scream.

He can, though. He can. And he tightens his arms around you and repeats "I got you, I got you, I got you". And you believe him. You have to.

You're crying now, you're sure of that. Some part of you hurts. Maybe all of you hurts. You're scared. You're not just scared, you're terrified. It's loud, it's loud and it's everywhere, all around you.

And then suddenly - there's nothing.

It disappears within seconds.

There's no sounds. None. There's silence, deafening silence. Forget the calm before the storm - this is the silence after the tornado.

You take a few shuddering breaths. You're trembling, trembling from head to toes. You're soaked. You're cold.

"Alright, it's gone", the guy says - the guy that's still got his arms wrapped around you, who's still on top of you. "You did it."

He pulls his arm away from you and rolls onto his back next to you. Water sloshes around as he goes.

You don't move an inch.

You can't move.

You're stuck, you're frozen in place. Your fingers are cramped into the dirt and the grass and you're frozen.

The guy sits back up again and reaches out for you. He smooths his hand down your back, surprisingly warm against your ice-cold skin.

"Hey", he says softly. "You're okay. You can get up."

You pry your fingers from the ground one by one, flex your trembling hands and push yourself upright. It takes a few seconds for reality to sink in - you're in a ditch. In a ditch. You're soaked, soaked with muddy ditch water. Your shoes are drenched, your legs splattered with dirt, the hem of your dress soaked in brown. And you're cold. Ice-cold and trembling. And your legs hurt, your arms hurt, your fingers hurt. Three of your nails are cracked.

You're sitting in a ditch in the middle of Oklahoma and you'd just been through a tornado. A fucking ditch in Oklahoma and a tornado.

And a guy, a guy who's brushing his hand down your arm and eyeing you up.

"Alright, let's get you out of here, you're shaking", he says and for the first time, you turn your head and look at him. Actually look at him.

He's tall and he's blonde and he's drenched, too, drenched in that same dirty, muddy water as you. His hands are big, big and pleasantly warm as he grabs softly onto you and carefully maneuvers you towards him.

You don't really remember the next minutes. Not what you're doing, at least. It's a hazy, fuzzy passing of time - you barely remember that you're moving. You're cold and scared and still in shock and somehow, your eyes have locked onto him, onto this guy who you realise probably just saved your fucking life. Because when you come back to reality, he's wrapping a blanket around you - a dry, warm blanket - and the spot where you'd parked your car is empty.

Empty.

"My car", you whisper, staring wide-eyed at absolutely nothing. The guy wraps the blanket tighter around you before he looks over his shoulder and glances around.

"Your car's not that important", he reassures, even though his voice is heavy. Heavy and raspy, you realise. He's got a certain Southern twang to it that you hadn't noticed in all the chaos before. "Much more important is that you're alive."

You nod half-heartedly (he's right, some rational part of your brain shouts, while the practical part mourns the shit ton of money you'd just lost) and settle your eyes back on him.

You don't know what it is, exactly, but something about this, something about the warmth of the blanket and the way he's rubbing your arms, something about him, about his voice and his words, slowly peels away the layers and layers of terror that are clinging to your pounding heart.

You swallow hard, reach up to tug the blanket tighter around yourself and shift your focus. Not the car or the tornado or the fact that you're drenched in dirty ditch water - him. This guy in front of you, who's looking you up and down to check if you're hurt. It's easier that way. It's easier to calm down when you're not thinking about any of it. It's easier when you're staring at him, counting to ten, slowly regaining your sanity. And what's suddenly also easier is realising that this guy in front of you is very much easy to look at. Even though his hair sticks to his head, even though his jeans are stained brown. He's what you'd expect as a reference picture next to the word "handsome" in a dictionary.

All of a sudden, you're not as cold anymore. All of a sudden, you're rather flushed. Because if he's drenched and dirty, you must look about the same. And you don't think you want him to see you like that. You'd much rather meet him in a bar or something, when you're dressed up and clean and preferably not terrified.

"Thanks", you get out, a little too quickly as you tighten the blanket further around yourself. "For, uh, for saving my life."

The guy's lips quirk up and he grins, a lopsided, half-cocky grin that makes your heart leap.

"Anytime, sweetheart", he drawls, then reaches up as though he wants to tip his hat - just that he's not wearing one, so instead, he settles for brushing his hand through his hair, just a second too late to seem intentional from the start. "Why were you out here anyway? Half a mile back is a gas station with a basement."

"I didn't-", you start, hesitant to admit just how unprepared you'd been for what had happened. "I didn't know it was a tornado. I thought it was just a bad storm or something, I'm... I'm not from around here."

He nods at you, his lips already parting when you suddenly twitch away from him and sneeze - once, then twice. His grin has dropped by the time you look up at him again and excuse yourself. God, is this embarrassing.

"You need dry clothes before you catch a cold", he says, his eyes travelling down your soaked dress and your bare legs. "I've got a shirt in the trunk, give me a minute."

He walks towards the back of his car and opens up his trunk and you're hit with two thoughts at the same time. The first is more along the lines of goddamn, are his shoulders broad, but the second - arguably the one that should be more important - is why the fuck his car is still standing in the very same spot he'd parked it before the tornado had hit.

Especially when your car is absolutely nowhere to be seen. Your car and all your things inside it. Oh, god-

"Here you go", he says, holding out a dry copy of the shirt he's wearing, red checkered cotton. He's about to go on when you blurt out:

"Sorry, why's your car still... you know, there?"

His lips pull into that impossibly charming grin once more and he points at the underside of the truck.

"Tornado-proof", he explains, just the slightest bit cocky. You follow the invisible line he's drawing to two... what looks like giant screws? twisted into the ground below.

"Oh", you let out, not too intelligently - but really, what are you supposed to say?

He just chuckles and holds the shirt out for you again. You take it carefully, your fingers grazing his. He's so warm, so fucking warm. Meanwhile you're shaking even underneath the blanket he'd given you. Though that's also starting to get soaked.

"You can change in the car if you want", he offers, already pulling open the door to the passenger seat. You don't really have to think hard about it. You're drenched in the middle of nowhere, with no way to get home, and this guy has just saved your life. So you unwrap the blanket and give it back to him with a smile and a thanks.

It's tight and cramped inside the car, even as you roll the seat all the way back. You pry the drenched dress off of your body and only then remember to turn around and check if the guy is watching you (as handsome as he is, he's still a guy). But no, he's turned away, has his hands rested against his hips and is staring intently at the slowly clearing sky.

You turn back with a smile and get rid of your soaked bra, too, before you pull his shirt on over your head.

Damn, it smells good. He smells good. And it's very comfortable, you have to admit. Plus, it's dry, which is most definitely an improvement.

You take a few seconds to consider whether or not to pull off your shorts... but they're drenched, too, and the guy seems respectful enough to not risk a bladder infection for. So you take your shoes off, and your socks, and your shorts. And then you crack open the car door again and knock softly against the window.

"I'm done", you call out, loud enough that he can hear. He turns back and his eyes drag down your body - or what of it he can see through the open door - and even though he looks right back up at your face, you can't help but feel flustered. You ball your wet clothes up in your hands nervously.

"Alright then", he says, takes a step closer and reaches for the door handle. "You said you're not from around here, where were you driving?"

Ah, right, that part.

Honestly, with so much happening in so few minutes, you'd about blocked out everything else. Everything normal.

"My parents, uh-", you start, trailing off when you realise that's not much help for him. "About three, four hours from here."

"That's quite a drive", he chuckles. "I live maybe half an hour from here, how about I take you with me so you can eat and drink something? Maybe you can borrow a pair of Lilly's pants. And you could phone your parents."

Your tongue darts out to wet your lips and you narrow your eyes at him, taking a second too long to even understand all of what he's saying before taking another second too long to sort how you'll respond. Then you start with what you find most important.

"I've got my phone", you tell him, pulling it out from where you'd just deposited it in the centre console. "I had it in my pocket."

You'd taken it with you more reflexively than consciously when you'd stumbled out of your car - but truly, what self-respecting adult didn't take their phone with them when they left anywhere?

The guy just raises his eyebrows and glances at your phone.

"And it still works?", he asks, a little incredulously.

"Yep", you smile - for the first time, you realise, since the tornado. "It's waterproof."

More because you'd been scared you'd drop the love of your life into the pool or the ocean on vacation, but a tornado in the middle of Oklahoma worked as well. At least you now knew you'd spent your money wisely.

"Smart", he grins. You can't help but grin right back.

He's charming and he's respectful and he looks so goddamn good.

"Who's Lilly?", you ask then, because that had been the second thing you'd wanted to say. He hesitates for a half a moment.

"A friend", he says. You squint at him. He doesn't look like he's lying, but he does look like there's something you don't know about. God, if he turns out to be a cheater- "I'll introduce you if you'd like."

You raise your eyebrows. Alright, so not a cheater. And, if you're interpreting correctly, another invitation to come with him. Not that you'd been about to refuse the first one.

"Sure", you say, as casually as you can. "I didn't really feel like standing around half-naked on the street anyway."

...

A few minutes later, he's driving his weird car/truck with the screws on the bottom down the empty highway. Though 'empty' is the wrong description, really - here and there, trees, road signs and utility poles are scattered on the pavement.

You're driving in silence. Well, silence as in neither of you talks, not as in actual silence. Alongside the motor, the radio had turned on, playing one country song after the other.

"You never told me your name", the guy says suddenly. The very much stranger, who's very much right - you'd never told him your name.

"You never told me yours", you counter, because that's also the truth. He'd never told you his name. You knew his friend's name, but not his.

"Didn't think I'd have to", he mutters under his breath, so quietly you barely catch it. "It's Tyler. Tyler Owens?"

He says it like it's a question. You don't know why. So instead you just answer with your own name and Tyler, as you'd come to know, repeats it with a smile on his lips.

God, you don't think it's ever sounded that good.

"Pretty name", he says, all casual like that doesn't get your heart racing again. Pretty. He'd called you pretty. Almost unconsciously, you brush your hands through your hair.

"Thank you", you mutter. As if to distract yourself, you add: "So, Tyler, what do you do?"

...

Exactly half an hour later, Tyler takes your hand in his and helps you out of his car. His house - the one he's sharing with Lilly, you'd found out, with Lilly and the rest of his Tornado Wranglers - is big and inviting. It's a little way off from any other houses, which you personally think is quite nice. Not that you say that, though.

Tyler walks you inside without having to unlock the door. He takes two steps, then he calls out "Guys, we've got a guest", which immediately results in a surprised shout of "whoops" and the sound of a set of feet scurrying up the stairs. Tyler has barely pulled off his shoes (after politely asking you to wait just a second) when a head pops through the doorframe at the end of the hallway.

"Boone was naked", the woman grins before settling her eyes on you and throwing you a wave. "Hey there, I'm Lilly."

She glances down at your bare legs.

"A little cold there?", she asks and even though her words are sarcastic, her voice is anything but.

"A little", you answer truthfully, smiling at her as she steps out into the hallway.

"You want a pair of pants?", she asks, seemingly without giving a single thought to who you are or why you're standing half-naked in her hallway.

You glance at Tyler, but he's grinning and only shrugs at you, so you turn back to Lilly and nod at her. She seems sweet, really sweet, and very kind. She takes you with her to her room (up two sets of stairs, the fucking house has three floors and a basement) and shows you her closet, the very definition of unbothered even as you nervously rummage through her clothes.

"Hey, you can take a shirt too, if you want", she says, flopping down onto her bed and rolling onto her side to look at you.

"Oh", you let out and glance down at the shirt you're wearing - Tyler's shirt, that very country, checkered shirt that's way too big for you. "I'm fine, thanks."

Honestly, if it were up to you, you would never wear anything else ever again. Tyler's shirt is soft and comfortable and - most importantly - it smells like him. You really just want to tug the hem up to your nose and breathe in his scent (but that would be weird, so you don't).

"Alright", Lilly drawls. "Your choice."

...

Lilly shows you the bathroom, gives you the wifi password and tells you to come down whenever you feel like it. You realise half a second too late that you haven't told her your name yet and crack open the bathroom door to call out for her.

Honestly, you like her. You really like her. And you really like Tyler, too. He's handsome and he smells good and he's respectful and he's nice and he saved your fucking life today. You don't even want to think about what would have happened to you if he hadn't driven by.

In the bathroom is the first time you can really breathe. You throw some water at your face and blowdry your hair. Ten minutes later, you're walking down the stairs into the hallway again - this time, when you stroll through there, you're wearing comfortable pants, fuzzy socks and take your time to look around.

You'd already called your parents back in the car with Tyler. They'd been about as shocked as you'd expected, had needed a few minutes to even understand just what you were telling them, but then they'd offered to come pick you up immediately. Tyler had provided them his address and now here you are - knocking at the open door to the kitchen, where all of the Tornado Wranglers sit around the table. All of them, except for Tyler, who's leaning against the countertop and looks up at you with a grin when you step in.

"Hey there", he drawls, his eyes raking down your body once more today - you've tucked his shirt into Lilly's pants and you could swear his eyes linger on your waist. "Warm and dry?"

"Very", you grin back, then nod at Lilly. "Thanks again."

She shakes her head and waves you off.

"Hey, no big deal. Do you want some pasta?"

...

It's comfortable there, in the kitchen of these strangers who are feeding you pasta and lending you clothes. You've settled onto the countertop next to Tyler and now and then, when you're dangling your feet or he's taking a bite, your legs graze his arm. He's changed into dry clothes too, you realise as you brush against him for the first time, and he's even warmer now than before.

"Tyler's told us all about you", Boone says after a few minutes of easy conversation. You raise your eyebrows and turn your head, staring at Tyler from the side.

"Has he?", you ask, because you hadn't even told him enough about yourself to warrant any use of the word 'all'. Sure, you'd talked on the ride here - but mostly about him, because - as it had turned out - what Tyler Owens did wasn't a normal job like doctor or lawyer, but instead professional Tornado Wrangler. Which, of course, had then dominated the conversation for the rest of the drive.

"Yeah, like how you were driving to you parents and didn't know what to do in a tornado so you just kept on driving", Boone grins, scraping the rest of his pasta off his plate. "And how he made you go in that ditch and-"

"Alright, shut up, Boone", Tyler interrupts, even though there's no real malice behind his words. "She knows the story. She's in it."

"I'm just saying", Boone goes on, entirely undeterred as he puts his now empty plate down on the kitchen table. "If you'd filmed that, it would go viral for sure."

You have to snort at that.

"Yeah, because of all the indecent exposure."

...

When your mother rings the doorbell three hours later, you're in the middle of the second round of a boardgame Dexter had pulled from a drawer. You'd been paired with Tyler for the first round and - somehow not surprisingly - that had worked quite well. You'd won just so against Dexter and Dani (Lilly and Boone hadn't been too much competition) and Dani's "We never get to play this right 'cuz we're always five people" after Tyler had high-fived you with a victorious cheer had warmed your heart. At least they'd enjoyed themselves - at least you hadn't been a burden.

"I call dibs on her", Lilly had declared when the second round had begun, so Tyler had teamed up with Boone instead.

"Oh, oh, botany!", you call out, just as the doorbell finally rings. Lilly jumps up and high-fives you.

"How in the hell did you guess that?", Dani asks, sounding all but exasperated at this point as Tyler pushes out of his seat and walks towards the front door. You shrug.

"Pure talent", you joke, then you climb off the couch as well. "Alright, it was so nice meeting you all, but I think my taxi's out front."

They all hug you goodbye and tell you to come around again anytime - Boone even hands you one of those t-shirts Tyler had told you about in the car. You can hardly hold back a snort. Though Tyler had told you about the shirts existing, yes, he must have accidentally forgotten to mention that his goddamn face is printed on them, paired with the very... comedic phrase "Not My First Tornadeo".

You thread through the hallway with the shirt and your phone in your hands, only to be hit with the sight of Tyler hugging your mother on the doorstep. Or your mother hugging Tyler, more like. Either way, you're suddenly frozen in place.

But then your mother opens her eyes and sees you standing there and she lets go of Tyler with a sharp cry to come running at you instead. She throws her arms around you with so much vigor you're almost knocked off your feet. You meet Tyler's eyes over her shoulder - crinkled with lines of laughter as he smiles at you. Your eyes dart away again just as quickly.

"It's fine, mom, I'm okay", you reassure.

"Yeah, thanks to Tyler", she mutters into your hair. "I already told him we'll pay him whatever he wants for saving our daughter."

"And I already said I don't want any money", Tyler clarifies.

...

The next morning, you wake up comfortably late in a warm bed. You walk down the stairs in fuzzy socks and start the day with a simple cup of tea.

A simple cup of tea and Tyler Owens' YouTube channel.

You'd looked him and his Tornado Wranglers up the very second you'd sat down in your mother's car. Then you'd subscribed to every channel you could find. And then... you'd kind of got obsessed. You'd watched so many of their videos that by one am, you'd simply fallen asleep to one of them.

"Aunt May's gonna be here in half an hour", your mother informs you casually, a stack of plates in her hands as she rummages around in the kitchen. You're still sitting at the table in your pajamas, a spoonful of cereal in your mouth, your phone propped up against a water bottle in front of you, playing a Tornado Wranglers video from a year ago.

"Seriously?", you get out, chewing on your cereal before you can swallow it down. "Mom, I still have to shower and get ready and all."

She throws you one of those eyebrows-raised glances that immediately let you know she's judging you for something.

"We only let you sleep this long because you almost died yesterday", she says matter-of-factly, then she eyes your phone. "And if you weren't watching Tyler's videos so obsessively, you would be done by now."

"Really, mom?"

You let out a resigned sigh. She only shrugs and grins at you. She's a little bit right, anyway.

"He's good-looking, I get it", she says, then she strolls out of the kitchen, chuckling to herself while you curse at her. He is good-looking, fuck this. You need to get it together before the rest of your extended family arrives.

...

The doorbell rings for the umpteenth time that day, just as you step out of the bathroom and smooth down the front of the red-checkered shirt you're wearing. You call some version of "I got it", down the hallway, not too sure if anyone even hears - they're all in the backyard anyway. Then you open the door with a smile on your face, a smile that instantly pulls into a wide grin when you see just who's standing there.

Because it's not another aunt or uncle or cousin. It's no one in your family, not even close.

It's Tyler.

Tyler Owens.

"Hi", he says. Just that. Hi.

You lean against the open door and cross your arms. Your grin only grows.

"Hi", you echo.

His eyes rake down your body and it seems like whatever he'd wanted to say gets stuck in his throat as he realises that the shirt you're wearing isn't your shirt, really. You can't help but bite down on your lip.

Look, you hadn't expected this. You hadn't expected him. None of this was a scheme or a plan or anything even close. You'd just seen it lying there this morning, right next to Lilly's pants on your desk, and you hadn't been able to help yourself. It smelled so fucking good.

"Nice shirt", he grins, eyes snapping back up to yours.

"Thanks", you grin back. "I got it from this guy after he saved me from dying in a tornado yesterday."

Tyler chuckles.

"Seems like a great guy."

"So great", you agree. "Even though he prints his face on t-shirts."

Tyler is just about to retort something - all toothy grins and laughter lines - when your mother calls out his name, very obviously pleasantly surprised as she comes down the hallway. She smiles at him, big and wide.

"What are you doing here?", she asks, stopping next to you to ask the very question that had been on the tip of your tongue too when you'd opened up the door.

"Oh, I'm just bringing these back", he says and holds up his hand to show a stack of neatly folded clothes with your bra right on top. You have to bite down on your cheeks to stop from outright grinning.

Okay, so even if wearing his shirt hadn't been a scheme, and even if you hadn't expected to see him... You might just have done something to ensure you would see him again. But hey, he's about the most handsome man you've ever laid your eyes on, you'd be damned if you'd have to watch him on the screen of your phone for the rest of your life. So yeah, you may have accidentally 'forgotten' your wet clothes in his bathroom after you'd hung them over the heater to dry. You just hadn't thought he'd find them so quickly.

"And you drove four hours for that?", your mother asks, more baffled than you are. Tyler only shrugs. Your mother reaches out for your clothes, grabs them from him and puts them on the cupboard in the hallway. Then she looks at him.

"You're coming in, yes? We're having barbecue now and cake in a bit. I'm not letting you drive four hours here just to deliver her clothes."

...

Twenty minutes later is when you get Tyler alone for the first time. Your mother has schlepped him with you through the whole garden and introduced him to every single person there - "He's the guy who saved her yesterday!" (because, obviously, your story had been about the only topic anyone had talked about so far) - your father first and foremost, who hugs Tyler so tightly that for a moment you're afraid he'll break him.

You catch up with Tyler just as he finishes loading his plate with food, finally on his own after your mother has excused herself to go cut up more bread.

"How'd you find me?", you ask, sipping at your ice-cold coke and eyeing him up. It's the one question that had been burning in your mind for the past twenty minutes. How in the hell had he managed to find you? It's not like you'd left a note with your address next to your clothes (though in hindsight, you don't remember how you'd meant for him to bring them back to you).

He looks almost bashful for a second.

"Boone noticed you'd followed our account", he explains then. "He figured out your last name from your handle and searched the phone book of the city on your mom's license plate. And then he read out all the names until I recognised your mom's because she'd introduced herself to me yesterday."

Your eyebrows raise, further and further the more he speaks. You swallow. Silence falls for a second, then two.

"You know, some people would call that creepy", you say, but your lips tug up into an involuntary grin that gives away more quickly than you'd wanted that you aren't one of those people. Tyler grins right back at you.

"Personally I think it would've been more creepy if I'd kept your bra."

...

It's 9:20 when your mother comes over. You've long since switched from barbecue to cake, then to snacks. Your feet are tucked underneath Tyler's legs, propped up against the side of his garden chair and he's running his fingers up and down your calves.

You'd spent the afternoon chatting away and laughing, barely talking to anyone but him. Your 'family get-together' had turned into more of a date. You certainly aren't about to complain, though.

"Tyler, you're staying the night, right?", your mother asks, a fresh plate of chips in her hands that she puts next to the almost empty one on the table in front of you.

"I don't want to overstay my welcome", he says, all gentlemanly even as your mother rests her hands against her hips and stares him down.

"Young man, you're welcome in this house any time, for however long. I'm not letting you drive home four hours. You're staying the night." Then she points at you. "She's still got a couch in her room that you can sleep on. I'd offer you a guest room, but half the family's staying here and we're already out of air mattresses."

So an hour later, you're rummaging about your room, picking up clothes off the couch and stuffing them in your closet to make room for Tyler. He's leaning against your doorway, looking around, taking in the mess that is your childhood bedroom.

"Nice posters", he says, and you throw him a look over your shoulder that could be deadly. He's grinning all sarcastic, only chuckling as his eyes meet yours. "You could put up one of my shirts here."

You have to snort at that and before you can even really think about it, you've pulled the shirt Boone had given you yesterday from where you'd put it down on your desk. You throw it at him carelessly and he catches it with no effort at all, which - paired with that fucking grin - shouldn't be as attractive as it turns out to be.

"Knock yourself out", you say, then you turn back around to your closet and tug out bedsheets for him. "My old poster glue should be in one of the desk drawers."

You don't think he'll seriously do it, but you seem to have misjudged him. Badly. Because he gets to work immediately.

You watch him for a few stunned seconds before you decide to just leave him to it. So while you turn the couch into a makeshift bed for him, he glues that goddamn "Not My First Tornadeo" shirt to your wall.

"Fits perfectly if you ask me", he declares eventually, barely concealing the amusement dripping from his words. You smooth down his sheets before you look up at your wall. He's put the shirt up in one of the few empty spots, right between your Maroon 5 and Destiny's Child posters.

"Yeah", you snort. "Perfectly."

You give him a toothbrush and let him use your bathroom. While he's gone, you change into your pajamas, fold his shirt carefully and put it on a pile with Lilly's pants and her socks. Honestly, a little part of you already mourns the loss of it - but another part of you already has hope for another shirt. Maybe in a different context.

"What're you doing?", Tyler asks, shutting the bathroom door behind him. You don't look up as you fold the other clothes you'd thrown onto your desk yesterday.

"I put Lilly's things and your shirt there, you can take it back tomorrow", you explain, starting a second pile of your own clothes next to his.

"Keep my shirt", he says. That finally makes you look up at him.

Which isn't a good idea. Not at all. Because he's standing there in nothing but his briefs and good fucking lord-

You'd known he's handsome. You'd known he's broad. But you hadn't known he's fucking ripped. You shouldn't stare. You're very aware. You definitely shouldn't stare. It's incredibly rude to stare. It's very inappropriate to stare. But goddamn, this man is built so perfectly god himself must be jealous.

You have to forcibly blink yourself back to reality. You're definitely red in the face when you finally manage to meet his eyes again. And he's raised his eyebrows in a way that tells you he's reading your every emotion right off your face.

"Sorry, come again?", you croak out, brushing your hand through your hair and realising just a second too late that your eyes have travelled down too far again.

"I said you should keep my shirt", he repeats, a very, very obvious grin on his lips. "It looks better on you."

"Okay", you agree, a little too quickly. The heat in your cheeks comes from more than just the half-naked view of him now. He thinks his shirt looks better on you. You don't even care if that's a line. "I'll... I'll go brush my teeth real quick."

When you come out of the bathroom a few minutes later, Tyler has made himself comfortable on your couch. It's a little too small for him, you realise, but he doesn't seem bothered. He's pulled the covers up to his hips - you can still stare at his chest, to your delight. And he's put one hand under his head, flexing his bicep in a way that has you hurrying over to your own bed so you won't jump him right then and there.

"Alright, goodnight, Tyler", you breathe, adjusting your pillow and wrapping your blanket around your body as if grabbing at it will somehow ground you.

"Goodnight", he echoes, and then you turn off the light.

It's quiet. The only noise is the laughter of your family a floor below, all settling into bed themselves. It's quiet and it's dark.

And you're staring wide-eyed at absolutely nothing.

Oh, god. He's so fucking hot. He's so fucking hot you want to throw yourself out of the window. He's so fucking hot and he's on your fucking couch, barely ten feet from you. He's so fucking hot and he'd driven four hours here just to bring your clothes.

"Tyler", you say, barely two minutes after you'd turned the light off. He hums in response - still awake. You don't know what you'd expected. "Thanks again. For, you know, for everything."

"Anytime", he replies, and even though you can't see his grin, you imagine you can hear it. You nod into your pillow. Then silence falls again.

It lasts maybe another two minutes.

"Your family's nice", he says then. You can't help but smile.

"Thanks", you mutter.

"I like your mother", he says. Your smile only grows. You turn onto your back and stare at the dark ceiling.

"She likes you too."

It's the truth.

Tyler stays quiet. You don't even try to close your eyes this time - you can hear him breathe, deep and relaxed. It's calming. You're sure it could lull you to sleep. If you were anywhere near tired, that is. This way, you just blink at black nothingness.

"Were you really a Destiny's Child fan?", Tyler asks eventually, his sheets rustling.

"Yep", you say.

That's it for that conversation.

You don't know what it is, the darkness or the silence, but something pushes on your chest and weighs you down, warming your skin as it settles on your body. It's a tension, thick and heavy, one that had grown with every scrap of conversation.

"You know-", he starts again, but this time, you've got enough.

"Tyler", you interrupt, turning onto your side and pulling your covers with you. "Get up here."

You can't see him as he throws his bedsheets off himself, can't watch as he heaves himself up, can't look at him as he strides over to your bed - but you hear the rustling of his covers, you hear the couch creaking, you hear his steps on the floorboards. And you feel the mattress dipping when he finally sets his knees on your bed.

You don't wait until he's actually in there. You don't think you could possibly wait until he is. You just push yourself up, grab onto the first part of him you can get your hands on (his shoulders), cup his face in your palms and pull him into you.

Right into your kiss.

Tyler Owens kisses you for the first time in the darkness of your childhood bedroom. For the second time in the morning light in your bed. For the third time in your parent's kitchen, right as your mother walks in. For the fourth time in his truck, after your parents all but throw you out of their house and force you to go home with him. For the fifth time in front of his own house, where his crew watches through the window.

And after that, Tyler Owens loses count of just how often he kisses you. Because he kisses you every day for the rest of his life.

[luveline]

𝐢𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐠𝐨 𝐛𝐚𝐝 | 𝐚𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐧𝐞𝐫

when an unknown intruder breaks into your apartment, you call hotch. he races to make it to you in time. requested here. fem!reader, 3.7k

cw home invasion, assault, attempted sexual assault, reader is badly hurt/held at gunpoint, please read with care for the content warnings above

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

"Hotch?" you whisper into the phone, your voice barely audible. 

"Who is this?" 

Hotch doesn't always look at who's calling at night, he just answers. Bad habit. You curl in on yourself where you're on your knees in the closet, trying not to wheeze breathlessly down the receiver. "Hotch, it's me. I need you to come and help me." 

"What's wrong?" He doesn't ask why you're whispering. "Are you at home?" 

"There's someone in my apartment." 

"You're sure?" 

You shift backwards into the embrace of your hanging coats and dresses. It feels as though tens of hands are petting your shoulders, a shiver racing along your spine as a floorboard creaks somewhere in your kitchen. 

"I heard them open my door. I don't have my taser, I…" You stop talking when you hear more movement, terrified you'll be discovered. Regret clings to you. How many times has Morgan offered to teach you self defence personally? "I don't know how they got inside."

It doesn't take more than that for Hotch to click into work mode. "Stay on the phone with me. Don't talk. I'm going to put you on hold to call Morgan. I will be ten seconds at most. Don't panic. Don't hang up. If you think you can leave without being seen or heard, leave, but if you can't, don't show him where you are." 

The invader's footsteps track to the bedroom. You know at once that your tired mind isn't hallucinating a bad scenario to keep you up —this is real. 

You had the hindsight to close your laptop and push it under the bed along with your go-bag, a rucksack full of clothes that you take on cases in different states as part of the BAU. You'd made a quick assessment —your job more than prepared you for this— based on the little information you had. Either the invader knows nothing about you and has assumed you'd be home, or they watch you enough to think you'd be elsewhere. If they think you're here, you're in danger of being assaulted, kidnapped, or murdered. If they think you're away, you're in danger of being robbed. One scenario is a thousand times more preferable than the other. 

You can't help but think of the horrible things you've seen. You know intimately what kind of damage one person can do to someone at their mercy. 

The hold sound is a quiet droning that freaks you out. If you can hear it, the intruder might be able to, too. Like the low hum of the fridge at night or the bumping of the dyer. 

You hang up the phone. 

"I know you're here." 

Your pulse flies through the roof. It pounds so hard you can feel it everywhere, the tip of your nose, your eyelashes. You look through the dark of your closet and panic in the fullest definition of the word. Your heart can't sustain this for long. 

You failed to think of a third possibility. The intruder watches you enough to know you're home. The BAU has a lot of enemies. Anyone could be waiting for you on the other side of the door.

"Come out and I'll be kind," the intruder sing-songs.

You type out a text with shaking hands, your message nearly illegible. 

They knowa 8m hjome. Cant talkk dontcall me

Thirty seconds elapse. A reply comes through. You smother the chirp with your chest. It sounds loud as a shot in the relative quiet. 

Police dispatch 5mins. I'm 10mins. Morgan 12. I will be there as soon as I can. Protect yourself 

That's easy for him to say. You drop your phone in defeat but scramble to pick it up again when you realise it's your best weapon. Or… You crawl to the opposite end of the closet to your shoe rack and slide the shoes apart with honey slow movements, your breath coming in quick, too-loud pants. You never expected to feel this way, you thought you'd know exactly what to do, how to react, but this feels outside of reality. 

You brace the long heel of a shoe between your fingers. Your hand is a vice. 

In your bedroom, the intruder goads you. "I know you're home, Y/N. There's only so many places for me to look, you know? But if you make me check each one, I'll be unhappy when I find you." 

What the fuck? you think. Breaking apart the fear like a knife is anger, a new shot of adrenaline. Who is this guy? You want to spring from the closet and show him how unhappy you are, but your chances of survival improve the longer you can hide. If he has a gun, that's it. You could be dead in the next two minutes. No amount of anger would save you. 

You could be dead in the next two minutes. 

thank you dpr everything, for being my friend aaron, you text. You know how embarrassing it will be to have said goodbye if nothing bad happens to you, but you also know how haunted Hotch will be if he can't get to you in time. You aren't foolish enough to unravel your feelings for him over text, but you're sentimental enough to think they'd matter to him. He'd want to know. 

If things go bad please knoeew that I loved my life and my work and you and the tram more than anything

After a moment, you add, If things don't go bad please nevrr mentiom this 

Footsteps at the closet door. A pause that feels gargantuan, the silence so heavy it threatens to snap the floorboards beneath your knees. 

"Found you." 

You leap up and throw yourself at the closet door as hard as you can, gasping when it swings on the hinges and clips your opposition in the leg. You don't think, you don't look at his face, you simply drive the point of your shoe into his collar. 

He gasps. Something hard and rigid whips upward, your neck snapping to one side as the skin of your cheek splits, gunmetal glancing off of bone. You drop down onto your ass, half out of necessity and half to get away from the pain. You can't outrun it, nor can you escape the forthcoming assault, grunting in shock as the bottom of the gun comes down atop your head. It was likely meant to incapacitate you, but all it does is hurt. 

You flip onto your front, stagger onto your hands and knees, and launch yourself up through the bedroom doorway. You only have to get away. 

He sweeps your legs from under you barely ten feet down the hall. 

You fall. Your knees hit the hallway slats and your face follows, the nerve endings in your teeth ringing one by one and your eyes tearing up as your nose makes a huge thwacking sound. Gasping, you rush to cover your face though the damage is done. Your gasp turns to a sob, hands quickly wetted by blood. 

"Stupid bitch," he hisses. 

You crawl into the kitchen. He steps on the back of your thigh. 

"I have a G43 pointed straight at the back of your fucking head."

"Good for you?" you say, eyes squeezed closed. 

You whimper as he grinds his foot into your leg. 

"Don't think I won't use it when I'm done with you." 

You shake your head from side to side. That can't be what he's here for.

You should ask him what he wants, or threaten him with the approaching police sirens. You should've tried to climb out of your fire escape. You should've set the door alarm as soon as you came home, but you're just so fucking tired lately you must've forgot. Everything feels like a chore. Right now, you're exhausted. 

"What are you going to do?" he asks you. 

You won't negotiate. You don't answer.

Forceful, no time to protect yourself, he kicks you in the side of the face. It hurts worse than the fall, that shattering pain like a firework under your skin. You struggle to keep your mouth shut, hoping that your whining cry is less audible to him than it is to you, scrambling backward toward the cabinets. You're defeated. Maybe you deserve it, for it to happen so easily. Three minutes and you're down. 

"I asked you what are you going to do, Agent?" 

"What am I supposed to say?" you ask. Even to your own ears, you sound pathetic. 

"Whatever I want you to. Now get up, honey." You cringe. "Unless you want to stay on the floor like a dog?" 

"Don't call me that," you say, wincing at the grinding sensation of your jaw. 

"What, a dog? Or… honey?" His tone is smug. "I thought you'd like that. It's what your boss calls you, isn't it? Late at night when he drops you off. Not strictly professional." 

You groan and turn onto your side. The police sirens are getting close. You live in a busy place near a main road, the sirens could be for anybody, but you need them to be for you.

"Get up, honey. You can pretend I'm him, if you like. I'll make it easy on you. I can be nice." 

You deliberate. Do as he says, or risk further agitation. Do what he says. Live to see the end of the night. 

Or drag it out. Give Hotch enough time to get here. 

"You'll pretend to be him?" you ask, sniffing. You can't tell if you're crying or there's blood on your face. 

"Aw. To begin with, sure." 

You sit up. For the first time, you look your attacker in the face. It's difficult to tear your eyes from the barrel, but you do. He has a cruel face, as tall and formidable as Hotch is but with none of his lightness. You put on your softest expression, gazing at him through tears. When you speak, the fear is real, even if you're attempting a facade. "You'll be gentle?" 

"No. You think he'd be gentle? Agent Hotchner?" His lip curls in disgust.

"I don't know," you mumble, looking down at the floor. "You said you'd be nice." 

"We both know you don't like nice." 

"I do," you say, finding your footing in the charade, the sorry victim, whatever he needs you to be for now. You hate giving him anything, but you know in the moment that you'll do what you need to do to save yourself from injury. "I haven't… I haven't done stuff in a long time, I can't just rush into things." 

The gun makes a quiet clicking sound as he points it with more fervour. "Like I believe that. You're probably fucking Hotchner on the side." 

There, that jealousy. He's been watching you, he knows where you live, what you want, and he's still convinced that you're fucking Hotch. It's not logical.

You cling to the threads, trying to pull apart his composure. You'd assumed him an anger-excitation rapist, unafraid to hurt you as he already has, but now you're thinking something else. 

"You think I'm sleeping with my boss? Why?" 

"Besides your constant need to be touching him? It's disgusting, you throw yourself at someone who doesn't want you. You're pathetic. I can make you better." 

You see movement in the corner of your vision. Dark hair, a stony expression. Hotch stands at the precipice of the kitchen in a bulletproof vest, a finger to his lips. Sh. 

Your relief knocks a breath out of you. The invader takes it for pain at being read. 

"Look," he says, softer. Not genuine softness, but practised. As soon as you give in, he'll drop it. You're both acting for one another, but only one of you is a profiler. "You'll forget all about Agent Hotchner once we're done. So just get up." 

You hold out your hand. His eyes light up with malice as he leans down to take it, his gun finally aimed away from your face. 

Hotch moves in. 

"Drop the weapon." 

Your attacker whirls. Hotch doesn't hesitate. Front sight, controlled trigger press, follow through. A bang like a clap of thunder fills the room. 

You flinch down into yourself. Everything goes a little white for a while, people running into the room, a gun skittling across your kitchen tile. Your ears ring from the bang of two bullets and you're sure you've been hit, you're hurting so much, but hands squeeze under your arms to tell you otherwise. 

"You're okay," Hotch says, knee against your thigh, face ducked down to meet your eyes. "Hey, can you hear me?" 

You shake your head. You can hear him, but you're far from okay. Hotch bites commands over his shoulder, holding your waist in his hands like he's worried you'll slip out of them. Tight. Too tight. You suck in as big a breath as you can manage and choke on it, coughing, the wild sting of your wounds a ringer. 

"You did so well," he says as he catalogues your injuries, his frown deepening. He tilts your head up to the light. 

"I knew you were on your way," you deflect.

"You were talking him down." 

"No, I was surrendering." 

"You didn't give in until you saw me. You weren't surrendering." 

"But I would have," you whisper, closing your eyes.

"Doing what you need to to survive isn't easy. But you do it." 

You hang your head. 

— 

Hotch winces at the sound of your skin being sewn closed. Morgan sits beside you in the back of the ambulance holding your hand, your fingers twitching between his with every tug. They dosed you and applied a general anaesthesia, but the pain is pervasive. His eyes keep moving back to your hand in Morgan's. He isn't jealous —he's annoyed with himself. Hotch should be the one holding your hand.

He should've hugged you. The absence of it feels awkward between you, though he's positive that that's the last thing you're thinking of right now.

"Will you have to set her nose?" Morgan asks. 

The paramedic shakes his head. "Not broken. Just very badly bruised. Even the bone." 

"That doesn't need a cast?" 

Hotch should hold your hand, should hug you, should be organising the scene. Should, should, should. The only thing he's managed to do since he incapacitated your stranger is watch you for signs of life. 

You're despondent. In shock, no doubt. You let your friends pass you from place to place with little more than pained sighs for input.

JJ does an excellent job of surveying the goings on, while Rossi and Reid take care of some of the bigger questions: who is this guy, what did he want, and how did it come to happen? 

What did he want? Hotch can guess. Rage collects like the heart of a furnace, a molten cup of steel in his throat as what he heard you say plays over and over in his head. 

You'll be gentle? 

No. You think he'd be gentle? Agent Hotchner?

He'll never forget the way you sounded asking that question. Terrified, begging for a scrap of mercy. 

Emily approaches from behind. "We have a name." Hotch tips his head to show he's listening. "Paulo Danvers. He was part of a crew that installed her security parameters a few months ago. He was vetted. This shouldn't have happened." 

"No, it shouldn't have." Hotch lowers his tone, "She said she wasn't sure she set the lock." 

"It wouldn't have mattered. He disengaged it from the outside." Emily takes a few steps closer to the ambulance. "Hey. Morgan taking care of you?" 

"Don't I always?" Morgan asks, clapping your arm gently. 

You don't answer. 

"What, you're not talking to me?" Emily asks. She's not mad, the opposite. Concern lines her eyes, thin brows pinching together at the starts, though she does her best to smile through it. 

"I don't feel well," you say quietly. 

"Yeah? You're not squeamish, are you?" 

"Don't think so." 

"It's shock," says the paramedic. 

"What's your pain like?" Hotch asks. He's the only person you'll give a straight answer to. "Bad?" 

"Yeah." Your hand is lax in Morgan's. 

"I can give you slow release tramadol to last the night or codeine pretty much immediately. It's up to you. And I'm really not comfortable with releasing you without next of kin. Do you have family in the area?" 

You shake your head. "It's just Hotch. Agent Hotchner," you correct yourself, nodding at him.

"You're her partner?" the paramedic asks. He can sense the disapproval. 

"Her boss." 

"Not her partner?" 

"He's my closest friend," you say. 

He's never heard you say that before, but it's true. 

"I wish you were my boss," the paramedic jokes, turning back to her supplies as she peels off her gloves. "Maybe I'd get better sick pay." 

You're given slow release tramadol and officially pronounced to be on the mend. If he didn't have an FBI badge, you'd be spending the night on a ward. He'd prefer if you did, but you clearly don't want to be somewhere alone right now, and he just wants to give you what you want after having your choices held over your head.  

He's not offended when Emily asks if you'd prefer to stay with her. It's harrowing what might have happened to you had you not heard the initial break in, and the perpetrator would've been a man like Hotch. Tall, white, dark-haired. He wouldn't blame you for needing space from him to feel safe tonight, but he's relieved when you turn her down. 

"You don't have to act like something happened to me," you say.

Hotch clicks down the locks of his car and turns on the overhead light. You squirm in the passenger seat, looking wrecked. Your chin is split, your nose a dark purple mess cut by white splint. You have a cut on your cheek and another just above your eye. 

"You don't think something happened?" he asks, hands on his legs. He can tell you wish he would start the car and take you home without pressing. 

"No, I know, I look awful, but he didn't do anything to me." Why is it so hard to say what it could have been? "You don't have to act like I'm gonna wig if you touch me." 

"You won't mind if I hug you?" he asks. 

"No. No, I want you to." 

It's thankfully a short gap to cover as Hotch leans over the console. He's careful of your face and still you mumble a tired, "Ouch," in his ear.

He rubs your back, slow and soft. "You okay?" he asks. 

You don't answer for a while. It doesn't matter, Hotch'll sit here in his parked car for hours if you want him to, hands on your hunched back. Your face hides away. He can feel and hear your distress building, and he wants you to cry if you need to, but it'll hurt.

"Sh," he hushes you gently, "it's okay." 

"I'm fine." You sound welled up. 

"Someone broke into your home and held you at gunpoint. You don't have to be fine." 

"Yeah, I do. It's my job." 

"No, that's not your job," he says, closing his eyes. "This has nothing to do with your job. This is about something bad happening to you. Don't put walls up now. It won't work, it never does." 

He tries to back away in case you're overwhelmed.

"Wait," you say, your panic like a cough. 

"I'm not going anywhere," he says. 

You sniffle, nodding into his chest. Hotch has comforted a hundred victims of violent assault. He's held the faces of women he didn't know hoping to give them something solid to lean on. But it's different with you, because you and Hotch aren't simply friends. There's a deeper vein of affection, and tonight's event is a jagged slash against it, bringing every unbidden feeling he has for you to the surface. He can't get how scared you sounded out of his head. He knows that feeling is still there. 

"How did you get here so fast?" you asked. 

"I took the side road. And went unavoidably fast." 

You make a small, small sound. He's known you for long enough to understand what it demarcates, unsurprised when the trembling of your shoulders turns to pained shaking. Hotch holds you delicately. He's done so much in his life, made a thousand and one mistakes, used a heavy hand when he could've been sweeter. He's determined to get this part right. 

"I'm with you now," he says. "I'm sorry I couldn't–" This is harder than he imagined. He presses on. "Couldn't protect you from the start." 

"You know why I called you?" you ask, your tone similarly soft. 

Hotch doesn't bother answering. The answer is unsaid, loudly heard. 

"I knew you'd come," you finish.

He puts a hand on your neck to encourage you into place, kissing the side of your head. Hotch will always come when you call. 

That night, you ask to sleep in his room. I'll sleep on the floor, just don't want to be alone. You're in ragtag clothes he'd scraped together for you, and after helping you wash the blood from your hair and face, you're even more impossible to say no to than usual, looking small in a way you haven't before. Hotch sets you up in bed next to him and wonders if he'll ever sleep next to someone he hasn't let down. 

You put that notion straight in your sleep. Hotch lays awake sick with the idea that he's failed you, and you, frowning, snoring, covered in cuts, curl into his side. You cling to his arm so hard he's certain you're awake at first, a bouquet of bruises painted across your cheek. 

Hotch pulls the blanket up over your shoulder, planting a chaste kiss to your forehead. 

He whispers your name, not sure what he'd say if you answered. 

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed♡ I haven't written long form (ish) for Hotch in a while so I'm nervous but I hope it's good!! let me know also if you'd like a second part cos usually I don't feel like there's much left to tell but for this one the could actually confess :o

[axylotal]

love looking back where i thought it was a normal moment being like damn that was a panic attack

[yenqa]

firsts

synopsis — sakusa and you have never had a conversation, and honestly you’re terrified of the man. but one conversation turns out to be many more of your firsts with sakusa.

warnings — reader is scared of men LMFAO, not really any

pairing — sakusa x implied fem!reader

wordcount — 710

a/n — happy birthday to himm! also my first hq post in a while OOPS also not proofread sorry!

You’ve never really talked to Sakusa.

You had been the manager of the volleyball team since your first year–and you had known him since then, but for some reason, you haven’t talked to him unless it’s volleyball related.

In fact–you don’t think you’ve ever had a conversation with him. But there's a first for everything, right?

Itachiyama has made it to nationals (not like it’s a surprise), and everyone has just arrived. The room continues to fill with people you don’t know, so you decide it’s best to stick with your team so you don’t get lost.

Well apparently that was a horrible idea to everyone else. Because you’ve lost everyone but Sakusa. 

And you’re terrified. Surrounded in a room full of men you don’t know sounded like your worst nightmare, and you were living it currently.

Frantically scanning the room for anyone that’s not Sakusa, you somehow can’t spot any of the familiar bright yellow and green jackets your team is wearing.

Everyone knows that Sakusa doesn’t like to be bothered. But when you make eye contact with him, you change your expression to a way where he understands you’re pleading for help.

And he nods once.

Your mouth breaks out into a smile, and you shimmy your way to the crowd. Letting out a sigh of relief–you lean on the wall for support, muttering a small thank you to Sakusa. 

You don’t expect him to say anything back, but you can hear his muffled voice say, “You okay?”

Tilting your head slightly up to make eye contact with him, you smile as you say, “Yeah–I’m fine. Are you nervous?”

You’re not sure why you ask the question, he probably doesn’t want to be bothered. I mean–you were still kind of shocked that he let you even be near him.

“Not really. Are you?”

You’re even more shocked when he continues the conversation. You’d expect he’d be the most rude person if he didn’t want to talk. “I-uhm I am a little bit. But we’re exempt from playing today right?”

Yeah–this definitely is the first and last conversation you’ll ever have with him.

He nods.

Then it’s silent.

Surprisingly, the silence isn't the most awkward thing you’ve experienced. It feels as if you’re just two people co-existing.

You watch as everyone excitedly hugs each other or glares at their next opponent. One person even tries to rile up the other, eliciting a small chuckle from you.

From the corner of your eye you can tell he’s curious, but he hasn’t said anything yet. This time, you take initiative to point at the players, also describing the jacket colors.

And you swear you can hear him laugh.

Not a full–hearty laugh obviously, but a small chuckle. A quiet one that you don’t even notice. But it’s definitely the first time you’ve heard him do anything resembling a laugh.

“You laughed.” You blurt out, before you even realize. 

He furrows his brows, “I did.”

Your eyes widen, “Sorry–oh my gosh, it’s just the first time I’ve heard your laugh before, Sakusa-san. I swear I didn’t mean it like that–you just have a nice laugh–”

And now he’s actually laughing–like not even hard to hear.

He’s laughing, he’s hunched over, shaking and clutching his stomach. You don’t think you’ve ever felt more mortified in your life.

“It wasn’t that funny was it?” You ask, a frown on your face.

Sakusa catches his breath, “Funnier than any of the jokes Komori tries to make.”

“There wasn’t even a joke! And I happen to like the jokes he makes!”

“Only if you’re sick in the head.”

You scoff at his remark, “Wow, Sakusa-san, you’re very hard to please.”

“Kiyoomi.”

“Another complaint?” You tease, trying to play dumb at what he’s trying to imply. 

“Call me Kiyoomi.”

You can feel heat rush to your cheeks, you tuck your hair back behind your ear and mutter, “Okay, Kiyoomi.”

And even though he’s wearing a white mask, you swear you can see his eyes crinkle and you can assume the corners of his mouth turn up ever so slightly. 

You’ve had many firsts with Sakusa today. This is the first time you’ve seen him smile–just maybe next time he’ll do it while his face is fully shown.

yenqa © please do not copy, steal or translate.

[cressidagrey]

The Witching Hour - Chapter 1 - Nesta

Summary: 

5 Times members of the Inner Circle get absolutely terrified by Azriel's...whatever she is, and 1 (of many) times Azriel thinks that his witch was the best thing that ever happened to him.

Warnings: 

Nightmares, mention of the blood rite, friends with benefits sort of relationship, stabbing (in the past), magical mental health care (sorta)

(super pretty dividers by @cafekitsune)

The night air was crisp, but not cold, a welcome reprieve from the summer heat.

But none of this was calming down Nesta's racing heart, even when she stamped down the panic that rose in her chest.

She shielded the bond from it as well as she could, not wanting to wake up Cassian...again.

Nesta didn't know what it was but...but somehow the nightmares that involved the Blood Rite were...worse than even the ones that involved her father dying...the ones that involved that gods-forsaken cauldron.

Somehow the Blood Rite...somehow that was leaving her in a state of panic that nothing could touch. Not even Cassian. And he tried. Her mate did try.

She tried to. She tried everything...making herself so busy with training and work that she should fall into bed with pure exhaustion...sleeping with Cassian and hoping that maybe the pleasure of that would wipe away the nightmares…

Nothing worked.

Nothing helped. Each time she closed her eyes, the same images would invade her mind. The endless days of battle, the gruelling journey through the mountains, the horrors of the Blood Rite...they all appeared with a sickening vividness that made it seem like she wasn't just experiencing a mere nightmare, but actually reliving those horrible days.

It made her throw up and want to cry...want to roll herself together in a miserable little ball because she didn't know what else to do anymore

The panic rose in her chest, making her heart pound in her ears. She was getting desperate, desperately searching for a way to make the nightmares stop. She was considering sleeping outside, on the balcony in the night air, just for a change of scenery.

It seemed ridiculous, but...but at this point...at this point, she'd try anything.

She took a shaking breath, her hand gripping the balcony railing tighter, her knuckles turning white. The night air, usually so calming, was doing little to ease the tightness in her chest.

She was contemplating going back inside and trying to sleep again...just closing her eyes and hoping that maybe this time she would experience something different...when suddenly, she heard the flapping of wings...

Nesta turned her head towards the sound, her senses on high alert. The wings sounded large, powerful, and...familiar.

Sure enough, a few seconds later, Azriel appeared before her, slipping over the balcony railing, shadows swirling around his shoulders. "Nesta," he greeted her calmly, giving her a slow nod...like it was totally normal for him to appear on her balcony in the middle of the night.

"You weren't there at dinner," she blurted out because she hadn't seen him since this morning.

"I had a late dinner with an old friend," Azriel answered. Azriel's response made sense, even if the notion of a "late dinner" with an old friend sounded strange to Nesta. But then again, who was she to judge? Azriel spent most of his time being the Spymaster of the Night Court, so she supposed it shouldn't surprise her that he had...odd friends.

"Oh," was all she could manage in response.

"I didn't know you had friends." She immediately regretted her words but Azriel just chuckled.

"Just the one," he promised her, as he leaned against the railing next to her. She caught a sense clinging to him that she couldn't place.

She eyed him carefully, her eyes taking in the mysterious shadow clinging to him. It was a scent that she couldn't quite place, but it was oddly...familiar, too.

Azriel chuckled again, his voice still as calm and steady as ever.

"Just the one," he repeated. "An old friend, from a long time ago."

"Can't sleep?" He asked quietly, his voice a deep rumble.

She gave a slight nod, not looking at Azriel. The nightmares were the one thing she didn't want to discuss with him or anyone for that matter. She didn't want them to know how weak she was, how she still couldn't get a rein on her emotions and her thoughts. She didn't want them to think any more of her as a fragile, broken thing than they already did.

The thought of it, it made her sick.

But...but she had a feeling that Azriel wouldn't judge her, or look at her in that way. Maybe she could...maybe she could ask for help. Or at least...let him know that something was wrong.

She swallowed hard and then said, her voice hardly more than a whisper: "No, I can't...I can't sleep. The...the nightmares."

Azriel gave a nod as if he already knew. His voice was still that same calm and steady as he said, "The Blood Rite?"

Nesta gave another nod. How had he guessed so easily? But then again...it wasn't that hard to guess. The nightmares hadn't started until after that event.

But at least these days she didn't wake up with her entire room engulfed in silver flames anymore.  She took a shaking breath, fighting to keep her emotions in check. She wasn't a child. She shouldn't be affected by this. She shouldn't be this much of a mess...

"I am surprised you didn't wake up Cassian when you got up," Azriel said suddenly.

Nesta’s eyes widened a little bit at that. Was she that obvious? Did she look that shake? She had hoped she'd done a better job of putting up a mask in front of the others.

"I didn't want to bother him," she replied quietly. "Let him sleep...I wake him often enough."

"He's your mate," Azriel said evenly. "He would want to be there for you."

His words were like a punch to the gut. She knew that her mate would want to be there for her, and would want to help her. Hell, he probably would already be here, holding her, comforting her...if he knew how bad the nightmares were.

But...but she didn't want to burden him like that. She couldn't keep burdening him...

"He tries to comfort me and then he gets no sleep as well. And I will not be the reason why he has a moment of inattentiveness that ends up costing his life, just because I can't control myself," Nesta hissed.

Her voice was bitter as she spoke. She hated admitting it, saying it out loud...but it was true. She was a burden. She was holding Cassian back, making him waste his nights trying to soothe her instead of getting the rest and preparation he needed for a mission.

She couldn't keep doing that to him. She just...she just couldn't.

A silence fell between them then, her words hanging in the air. She didn't know what Azriel was thinking, what was going on in his head. But he didn't try and refute her words, which only further confirmed the terrible thoughts swirling in her mind.

Another beat of silence, as Nesta let the terrible, awful thoughts swirl through her head.

Then, quietly, as if he had read her mind. "You are not a burden," Azriel said.

Another beat of silence, as she let the terrible, awful thoughts swirl through her head.

Then, quietly, as if he had read her mind. "You are not a burden," Azriel said.

"You are not a burden," he repeated, his voice even. "You are anything but."

She didn't reply, just continued staring out over the railing, her hands gripping the cold stone until her knuckles turned white. She was a burden, she knew that. And she didn't know why he was lying to her, trying to convince her otherwise.

"I have nightmares too," Azriel said suddenly.

Her eyes widened and she jerked her head around to look at him. Wait, what? Azriel had nightmares?

Her mouth opened, an astonished question on her lips, but Azriel didn't give her the chance to ask. He continued in the same even tone as if it was no big deal: "And many of them are about the Blood Rite too."

Her mind was reeling at his confession. Azriel had nightmares about the Blood Rite? The strong, mysterious warrior, the Shadowsinger, the Spymaster of the Night Court?

She couldn't even process the words. And he said it so casually, so nonchalantly as if he was merely discussing the weather and not admitting to being tormented by such horrible, painful nightmares.

"Even now, 500 years after it happened."

His voice was still emotionless, still so calm and steady, even as he admitted that.

It was unfathomable. How...how did he manage to survive through 500 years of these nightmares? She barely could make it a week…

She couldn't even fathom what it would be like, to have those memories torment her for 500 years and counting. To have no hope of them ever stopping.

A silence fell between them, her mind reeling at Azriel's confession. She was about to ask something, to say something...when he suddenly spoke again.

"You want them to stop? The nightmares?" He asked, his voice quiet, yet with a hint of command in it. A hint of that darkness within him, the shadows that swirled around him like an ever-present cloak.

Her eyes widened, a shiver running down her spine at the command in his voice. She gave a slow nod, not trusting her voice to speak.

Somehow...somehow the shadows around him seemed to swirl and dance a little faster, seeming almost excited at her nodded response.

She would give everything for these nightmares to stop

Her voice was a mere whisper, but the honesty in it seemed to resonate like an echo in the night's silence.

She would give anything to stop reliving those memories, to stop seeing those images, to stop...to stop feeling this pain. Anything, she'd give anything for that respite.

Azriel continued to regard her with those dark eyes, those shadows whirling around him. A part of her wondered, for a moment, just what the shadows were thinking. Did they know what Azriel was about to offer, what he was going to say? Was that why they seemed so excited, so anxious…

"Then let's go." He said that so easily as he held out his hand for her and Nesta took it.

In a heartbeat, she'd taken his hand, her slender fingers closing around his. His grip was warm, strong, and...and it felt oddly steadying. Like an anchor to the ground.

The shadows engulfed them in a swirling vortex of darkness. For a moment, her heart thundered in her chest, a brief moment of panic at the feeling of being lost amid the shadows, at being so far from the ground.

But then...then the shadows seemed to shift, Azriel's firm grip on her hand the only anchor to reality, to the ground.

A moment later, the shadows faded away, and she found herself standing in a street in Velaris.

"I thought you couldn't winnow at the House of Wind," she said weakly.

"No winnowing. Shadow Walking," Azriel corrected her absentmindedly.

What? She had no clue what even was the difference.

"I am only wearing my nightgown," she hissed at him a moment later.

For the first time since they'd left the balcony, Azriel turned towards her, his eyes taking in her appearance, raking over her form.

His dark eyes scanned over her frame, her pale nightgown and slippered feet. For a moment, she felt self-conscious, almost shrinking back from that gaze...but then a smirk curled his lips.

"Don't worry, she won't care," he said drily. "She's seen a lot worse. And a lot more."

“It’s the middle of the night!” she protested next. 

“It’s a full moon. She’s pretty much nocturnal during this time of the month,” he waved her off. 

What kind of friend was this even?!

"Who is she?" Nesta demanded as Azriel led her to a door that was looking...harmless.

"Just a friend," Azriel said simply, his step not faltering as he led her towards the unassuming door.

It looked ordinary, so much so that a passerby would never guess that there was anything special behind it.

He didn't elaborate on the mysterious "she" who was behind the door...and Nesta had a feeling that he wouldn't, not until the moment she would see his friend for herself.

Her heart was pounding in her chest as they approached the door, a mixture of curiosity and trepidation swirling within her.

Azriel was being infuriatingly coy about everything. He wouldn't tell her who they were visiting, how he knew this person, or why this person could help her.

All she could do was follow him towards the unassuming door, her nightgown swishing around her ankles.

When they reached the door, Azriel gave her a slight smirk, as if silently saying, "Ready to find out?"

Nesta shot him a glare back, her eyes narrowing. If he was trying to drive her crazy, he was doing a good job of it.

She had about 5 different insults on the tip of her tongue, but before she had a chance to voice any of them, Azriel pushed open the door, revealing a...darkly elegant interior.

Her breath caught as she stepped across the threshold, her eyes scanning over the elegant yet dark interior of the shop.

Dark tapestries hung on the walls, illuminated by the dim light of the numerous candles scattered throughout. The scent of various herbs and spices filled the air, mingling with the lingering scent of something...stronger. There was a...mysterious energy to the place, a sense of something ancient and powerful.

And then, Nesta came eye to eye with a pitch black...something. Golden eyes with slitted pupils watched her from the darkness and she froze. Like a cat, it stared at her. But for a cat, it was...too big. Too tall. It would at least reach Azriel's waist.

Her heart quickened at the sight of the...thing, watching her with its unblinking golden eyes. It was like a cat, but wrong, far too big to be a house cat. She was frozen, her body tense as she held the gaze of the feline creature before her.

She was about to whisper to Azriel what the hell this thing was if he could explain this...but it was Azriel who broke the silence.

"Hello, Bella," Azriel said, his voice smooth and even.

His words sent a small shock through her, her eyes widening as she stared between the strange cat creature and Azriel. Bella? This creature was named Bella.

Azriel continued, as if oblivious to her shock, "I hope you don't mind me bringing some company this late at night."

The feline creature...Bella...huffed in response, seeming to look at Azriel with those golden eyes, as if silently judging him.

For a moment, Nesta was convinced that the creature would attack them, throw them out of the house, but then...

Suddenly, Bella turned her golden gaze back to her, those feline eyes seeming to scan her from head to toe.

And then it moved.

Bella moved with a fluid, almost graceful motion, its jet-black fur rippling as it stepped out of the shadows, its golden eyes still on Nesta.

It was a cat. A massive cat. A huge cat. Big enough that it would reach Azriel’s waist. Bella yawned, showing a mouth filled with razor-sharp teeth. Nesta thought she was going to faint

The cat-like creature circled her, its movements slow and deliberate. Her heart was still thundering in her chest, her eyes wide as she followed Bella's every movement, half prepared to flee if the creature attacked.

Nesta tried to remain steady, to keep her breathing even, but her heart was racing, drumming against her chest.

Bella continued circling her, those golden eyes never leaving her form for a second. It was like the creature was studying her, silently judging her, and it made her feel...uncomfortable.

"Oh, she likes you," a female voice said. "Did you bring us a toy, Shadowsinger?"

The new voice startled her, and her head jerked to the side just in time to see a woman moving into the room, stepping out of the shadows near the back of the room.

The woman was…utterly gorgeous, with green eyes and long red hair cascading down her back. 

Her eyes widened as she took in the woman before her, her body covered in a gold satin nightgown that clung to her curves and left very little to the imagination.

The woman -who could only be called a Goddess - smirked and was amused as she took in Nesta, her eyes scanning over her from head to toe in the same manner as Bella had.

She was clearly taking in every detail, her gaze sharp and unwavering, as if evaluating every bit of her appearance and body.

"I am not a toy," Nesta bristled.

"Of course not," the woman said with a smile, her voice smooth and silky. "But you are  very pretty."

The compliment sounded more like a statement, like the woman was judging a painting or a piece of jewellery. Her words were not rude...but they didn't hold much kindness, either, more like simple facts.

And they didn't do anything to soothe that flicker of envy that had arisen in Nesta at the sight of the other woman's beauty.

"We are in need of your services, Cate," Azriel said at that moment. Cate. Such a normal name...for such a woman. Her ears were pointed but...Nesta would have bet anything that she wasn't High Fae. She wasn't sure what she was but she wasn't...

Her eyes darted to Azriel, who had stepped up next to her, his gaze on the woman - Cate, it seemed she was called - with an expectant look.

"Services?" Cate repeated with a raised brow, her eyes flickering between them, before a smirk curled at the corner of her mouth. "And what sort of services can I render you, Shadowsinger?"

Her mind was spinning to try to make sense of the exchange, of that subtle… undercurrent of something that lay just beneath the words.

It was almost like there was a conversation happening she wasn't privy to, like they were speaking in a language she didn't understand.

She glanced at Azriel, trying to read his expression, but he was giving nothing away.

Cate's smirk widened as she took in both of them, her green eyes scanning over them with that sharpness that made Nesta feel more self-conscious of her own plain nightgown.

Azriel, meanwhile, remained as stoic, his features betraying nothing of his thoughts. He seemed to be waiting...but waiting for what, exactly?

The silence seemed to stretch on between them, the tension so heavy that Nesta could almost feel it pressing against her skin.

But then Cate moved, the silky fabric of her nightgown flowing around her as she took a few steps towards Azriel. Her eyes were still on Nesta, a smirk still on her lips as she purred out, "Why don't you tell me what services you require?" The woman's voice was low, almost sultry, and her eyes...her eyes were still on Nesta, studying her still.

Azriel's face remained expressionless as he spoke, his voice calm as he said, "She is in need of your help. She's been having nightmares. Bad ones. The same ones, over and over."

Cate's face changed into a look of understanding, a flicker of sympathy in her eyes as she took in the information. Her eyes flickered towards Nesta before returning to Azriel.

"The same nightmare," she repeated, her voice now thoughtful, before adding, "Every time?"

Azriel gave a grave nod, his voice steady as he replied, "Yes. Every night."

Cate's eyes widened just a fraction, her face taking on that thoughtful expression again, as if contemplating the information.

The woman suddenly moved towards a small table on the side, gesturing with a, "Sit. I'll make us some tea." Cate's words caught her off guard, her eyes widening a fraction…At that moment, Bella the cat walked over to her and rubbed herself against her legs.

Nesta froze for a moment, half expecting the creature to bite her. Instead, the cat merely purred as it rubbed its head against her shin. She glanced at Azriel questioningly, but he only shrugged in response, seemingly well used to the cat’s…usual antics. 

She took the hint, stepping over to the nearest chair and hesitantly taking a seat.

The room was so still, the only sound was the soft rustle of Cate's nightgown as she moved to prepare the tea, the occasional purring of the cat…now letting itself be pet by Azriel, leaning its massive head against his thigh. 

Azriel relaxed. She had never seen him that relaxed before. The shadows were swirling around Bella, the cat lazily swiping at them and that was that. 

Nesta, on the other hand, was anything but relaxed.

"What is she?" Nesta hissed at Azriel.

Azriel's expression remained unchanging, his gaze fixed on Cate as she moved about the room, preparing the tea. "Cate?" He repeated, not looking at her. "She's a witch."

Nesta's eyebrows shot up at the revelation. A witch? 

A witch. The one time she had been confronted with the idea of a witch had been in Illyria. Devlon had been terrified at the idea of Nesta being a witch.

Her mind immediately flashed back to her time in that cold, wretched camp.

Devlon, the sneering face of the war-camp lord. The memory of that small village, the whispered conversations…She couldn't help but remember the fear in Devlon's eyes when he confronted her about the rumours about her being a witch. He'd almost looked terrified like the mere thought of a witch was enough to frighten him.

And here in front of her, a witch stood before her, preparing to make her tea. She tried to keep her nerves in check, but her heart was hammering furiously.

Cate set the tea set down on the table in front of them, her movements graceful and fluid, like every move was a performance.

"Don't worry, I haven't eaten anyone in centuries," Cate quipped as she brought the tea to the table. "You can ask Azriel."

Cate's words startled her, a jolt of...fear mixed with surprise rushing through her at the woman's casual mention of potentially eating someone.

Slowly, Nesta turned back to Cate, trying to control the pounding of her heart in her chest. "You...haven't eaten anyone. In centuries," she repeated, unable to keep the disbelief out of her voice.

Cate gave her a smile that was full of teeth as if she knew exactly what effect her words were having on her. She seemed to find the whole thing amusing, her green eyes sparkling with humour, as if she was enjoying the fact that she was frightening her.

Azriel started laughing.

Nesta turned towards him quickly, utterly bewildered by the sound.

He was laughing. Azriel was laughing, his eyes sparkling with...amusement at the look on her face.

"She's joking," he said, his voice laced with humour. “A poor sense of humour, but still a joke.”

"You tend to like my sense of humour," Cate quipped, seating herself, a smile playing around her mouth. "I have never eaten another fae or faeries, I promise you, Nesta Archeron," she said easily.

Cate's words should have reassured her, but still, there was something about her that made her feel...unsettled. Cate moved with the grace of a predator, her every gesture full of a...confidence, a power, that was hard to ignore.

"How do you know my name?" she demanded.

Cate's smile grew wider at the sound of her question, her green eyes lighting up with amusement.

"Azriel told me, of course," she said, her voice smooth and silky.

Her gaze flicked over to Azriel, who was still watching the interaction with those calm hazel eyes.

It was...annoying. He was just watching them, like this was all some sort of game to him. Was it all just...a game?

Nesta couldn't help but feel a flicker of irritation at the thought. And at the fact that he seemed perfectly relaxed while she felt like she was ready to jump out of her skin

Cate noticed the irritation on her face and her smile grew wider, a spark of mischief in her eyes as she took in her expression.

"You're annoyed, aren't you?" Cate said smoothly, her voice full of amusement. "Annoyed that Azriel hasn't told you more about me, hasn't warned you about the 'scary witch'."

She couldn't help but flinch at the accuracy of Cate's words. She was annoyed. Annoyed that Azriel had brought her here without properly preparing her, without telling her more about the woman she was about to meet. It all felt...like a power play.

"It's not about you, it's about that mate of yours," Cate said with a shrug. "The General and I have had a rather...tumultuous past."

"With that, she means that she has once stabbed Cassian on general principle," Azriel jumped in with some amusement. "He has never forgiven her."

She felt her eyes widen in surprise, not just at the revelation that Cate had stabbed Cassian, but at the casual way Azriel mentioned it.

And yet, somehow, she suspected there was a lot more to the story than that...and that there was also a lot left unsaid between the two of them.

Cate rolled her eyes at Azriel's comment, her voice full of dry humour. "Cassian has always been one for holding a grudge, hasn't he?"

Her gaze flicked between the two of them, her mind swirling with questions...and curiosity.

There was a history here, between the two of them. A history filled with, it seemed, a whole lot of tension and...probably a lot of violence. And yet, they still seemed friendly. Even close, in a way.

Nesta was dying to know more, to dig deeper into the complexities of their relationship, but they were both being so...cryptic, answering some questions while conveniently ignoring others.

"Now," Cate spoke, her voice soft, "How long, exactly, have you been having these nightmares, Nesta?"

Her attention snapped back to Cate at her question, the mention of the nightmares sending a pang of anxiety through her.

She swallowed, trying to keep her voice steady as she answered, "A few months, now."

Cate's face grew serious at her reply, the amusement and mischief in her demeanour fading away, replaced by a look of concern. She leaned back in her chair, studying Nesta intently like she was trying to discern something from her expression.

"A few months," she repeated thoughtfully. "And they're every night?"

She gave a small nod, her heart rate picking up at the intensity of Cate's gaze. She didn't like how perceptive those green eyes were, how it felt like the woman was able to see straight through her, straight into her mind.

"They get...worse, every time," she muttered, her voice low. "Louder, more vivid."

She could feel Azriel's eyes on her as she spoke, the weight of his gaze heavy on her skin. But she didn't look at him, too focused on Cate, on the witch studying her so intently.

"The Dreamcatcher Spell," Azriel said, his voice even. "Can you cast that on her?"

Cate's eyes flicked to Azriel for a moment, a flicker of some undefinable emotion passing over her face before her gaze returned to Nesta. She took in the Shadowsinger's request, considering it for a moment.

Finally, she nodded, her voice calm and cool as she replied, "I can. Yes."

Her heart skipped a beat at Cate's confirmation, a mixture of anticipation and...fear stirring inside her. The Dreamcatcher Spell. She had no idea what that was, what it would do. But Azriel seemed to trust Cate.

"What..." she began, faltering briefly before steadying her voice. "What exactly does that spell do?"

Cate's expression was calm as she replied, "It's meant to help with vivid, recurring nightmares." Her eyes, though...her eyes seemed to hold a flicker of something else, something that made her stomach twist. "It won't help you get rid of the nightmares altogether, but it will...ease them, a little. Blurr them around the edges. Make it possible for you to go back to sleep...it blunts the emotions attached to these memories."

Her breaths came out a little faster at Cate's explanation, her heart rate increasing at the thought of...having the nightmares be eased, even a little. It sounded...too good to be true, almost.

She glanced at Azriel, whose expression was unreadable, before turning back to Cate. "And...there's no drawbacks? Nothing I should be worried about?" Cate gave her a shrug, the corners of her lips turning up in a small smile.

"Do you really think Azriel would trust me with his sister's mind if he hadn't had me cast the same spell over him dozens of times?"

His sister? He claimed her as his sister? 

Her head snapped towards him, but Azriel just inclined his head. 

Azriel trusted her The Shadowsinger, who was always so careful, who was so skilled at maintaining his secrets, trusted this...strange witch enough to let her cast spells on his mind?

"There's nothing to be worried about. The worst side effect could be a headache," Cate continued. "And that would be from an unskilled witch."

Her eyes flickered back to Cate, her mind still struggling to sort through the implications of all this. Azriel really did trust the woman and...

She wanted to believe her. Wanted to trust Cate's words, and believe that there were no dangers or side effects.

But a small part of her mind was still sceptical, wary of letting someone—a witch even—mess with her mind.

"How much does it cost?"

Cate's smile widened at her question, a hint of sharp teeth visible as she leaned back in her chair, her hands coming to rest on the armrests.

"You are wary about letting me mess with your mind, aren't you?" she said smoothly, her voice full of humour. "You're thinking, 'What's the price I'll have to pay for this?'"

She swallowed, forcing herself to keep her voice steady as she asked again, "How much?"

Cate's smile grew into a full-fledged grin as she leaned forward, her eyes sparkling with mirth.

"I'm not going to take your firstborn if that's what you're worried about," she said, her voice still amused. "I don't want gold or jewels or anything of the sort."

Her shoulders relaxed a fraction at Cate's words, her anxiety receding slightly at the reassurance that she wouldn't have to pay anything like those things. But she still couldn't shake the feeling that there was something more...a catch.

"Then...what?" she asked, her voice still a little wary.

Cate's expression didn't change as she leaned back in her chair, her eyes flickering over to Azriel for a moment before returning to Nesta.

"You don't need to worry about that," she finally said, her voice calm. "Azriel and I…We've...done each other a few favours, over the years.""

Her heart leapt into her throat at Cate's words, her mind swirling with more questions. Favours? Azriel had asked favours of the witch? What kinds of favours?

"That's all?" Nesta insisted, her eyes narrowing a fraction. It didn't sound like that was, in fact, all. The way Cate kept looking at Azriel, the way she said they had done each other ‘favours'...

It sounded like there was a lot more to that than she was being told.

Nesta shot Azriel a look, her eyes narrowing at his seemingly relaxed demeanour. He was being so...unfazed by all of this. So calm, while she was the apprehensive one. He really didn't seem concerned about her letting Cate cast the spell.

Nesta let out a breath, letting her eyes focus back on Cate.

She also hadn’t expected to be led into a chalk circle in the middle of Cate’s living room…or for her to light the candles with a wave of her hand…

Nesta watched in complete befuddlement, her eyes wide as Cate began to chant. The language sounded...foreign, guttural, the words flowing out in a steady rhythm.

She had expected...something different. She had no idea what, but it wasn't this.

Her breathing was uneven, her heart pounding in her chest, the sound almost drowning out the strange language.

And then it was done. 

Nesta watched as Cate finished her chant, the final words reverberating through the air like a spell. For a moment, the room was utterly quiet.

And then...nothing happened.

She stared at Cate, waiting for...something, anything. But the witch just kneeled there, peering at her through half-lidded eyes.

"That's it?" Nesta asked, her voice coming out hoarse and a little shaky. "It's...done?"

Cate gave her a small smile, not saying anything, just watching her with that intense green gaze of hers.

She shifted a little in her position, feeling strangely...naked under the woman's stare.

"That's it," Cate agreed. "What did you think was going to happen?"

She swallowed, feeling a little foolish for her question. She didn't really know what she was expecting. Something flashy, maybe. Or some...sign, some kind of indication that the spell worked.

"I don't know," she admitted, her voice a little sheepish. "I suppose I thought...it would be more dramatic, somehow."

Cate let out a chuckle at her words, the sound rich and amused. "That's what everyone expects," she said. "Some grand gesture, some great wave of magic."

She lifted her hand, a small flicker of green magic dancing over her fingertips. "The truth is," she continued, "most spells are not as interesting as people think they are."

"Most?" she repeated, her voice curious. "So some are?"

Cate's lips curled into a small, sharp smile at her question, her eyes sparkling with humour.

"Oh, some definitely can be," she said, her voice laced with amusement. "It depends on the witch, really. Some love to show off. Others...prefer the subtle approach."

"Don't let her fool you, she loves to show off," Azriel said drily.

"Only for you, shadowsinger," Cate shot back, flirtation clear in her voice. And then, somehow the last thing Nesta had expected…The last thing was for her to gain her feet, cross the room and kiss Azriel. Right on the mouth.

She could only watch in stunned silence as the kiss deepened, as the Shadowsinger's hands came up to caress Cate's face, to pull her closer.

It was so...unbelievable. So unreal. But also...so...hot.

She kinda wished Cassian was there. 

The thoughts swirled in her mind, her body heating up just from watching them. Watching Azriel lean in to kiss this dangerous, gorgeous witch with effortless grace like he'd done it a thousand times.

And then, just as suddenly as it had started, the kiss ended. Azriel stepped back, his cheeks flushed and his breathing slightly uneven.

Cate, on the other hand, looked completely unflustered, her hair still perfectly arranged, her expression unruffled. She simply smiled at him, a secretive, intimate smile, before turning back to Nesta.

For a moment, all Nesta could do was sit there, utterly gobsmacked, her mouth still hanging open slightly.

Finally, she found her voice, forcing out, "Uh...How...long has that...?"

Because, judging by the casual intimacy between them, this...relationship, or whatever it was, definitely wasn’t new.

Cate let out a small laugh at her question, her eyes sparkling with humour.

The look in her eyes was almost...predatory, as she added, "We've been… friends… for a very long time, haven't we, shadowsinger?"

At her words, Azriel's cheeks darkened, his ears turning slightly red as he let out a grunt of assent.

Nesta’s eyes darted to Azriel, taking in his flushed cheeks and averted gaze, the way he shifted his weight slightly, as if uncomfortable. It was so rare to see him off-balance, so rare to see him anything but completely composed.

And it was all Cate's fault. This witch somehow had the Shadowsinger flustered and blushing like a schoolboy.

"We've had...quite the history," Cate continued, her voice smooth and velvety.

Her words were cryptic, and somehow also laced with innuendo, as if there was a whole world behind them, a world full of…memories.

Nesta couldn’t help but wonder just how...intimate their 'history' was.

"Now, if the nightmares persist, have Azriel bring you back to me. Otherwise, you should be nightmare-free for the next few months,” Cate said easily. 

She nodded numbly, her mind still trying to process the implications of all this.

Nightmare-free for the next few months. That was good. That was...incredible, actually.

But her mind was still swirling with so many other things…mainly Azriel and Cate and this...history of theirs that she knew nothing about.

"And…" she began, faltering slightly as she tried to gather her thoughts. "If I...do need to come back..."

Nesta trailed off, her eyes flickering to Azriel as she thought of what she was about to say. It felt intrusive, and yet she couldn’t help herself from asking, “What are your…rates?”

Cate raised an eyebrow at the question, tilting her head as a small smile curled her lips.

"My rates?" she repeated, amusement clear in her voice. "Well, that depends on the…service, I suppose. Some things can be done for a few gold coins."

The look in her eyes, in Azriel’s eyes, said some things couldn’t be bought.

Her mind was still trying to process the implications of that, when Cate spoke again, her voice now completely free of amusement. "But some things...can’t."

Azriel visibly stiffened at her words, his eyes flickering to the witch, a silent communication passing between the two of them.

"Some things," Cate reiterated, her eyes fixed on Azriel, "can only be paid for in... favours."

Nesta was getting the distinct feeling that she was intruding on some unspoken conversation between them, on some agreement, maybe, that she knew nothing about.

"What kind of… favours?" she asked, glancing between Azriel and Cate, her mind swimming with possibilities.

Cate smiled a sharp, predatory smile, her eyes flickering to Azriel before returning to her.

"That," she said, her voice now dripping with sweet condescension, "Is for Azriel to explain, should he choose. Though I’m sure you’ve gathered some idea of what such favours could entail by now."

Azriel rolled his eyes. Nesta stifled a small laugh at Azriel's reaction, his eye roll speaking volumes. It was clear that he was used to Cate's taunting, used to her...provocation.

"Good Night, Cate," he said drily and the witch laughed as they left the house.

"See you soon, Shadowsinger!" she sing-songed in response.

The night air outside was cool and crisp, a stark contrast to the warm intimacy of the cottage.

Nesta took a deep breath, trying to clear her head off the whirlwind thoughts that had been running through it.

The kiss between Cate and Azriel, their history, their…agreements.

It was all so…unexpected. So strange and…intriguing.

"I thought you were in love with Mor," she finally settled on saying.

Azriel shot her a look at her words, a mix of irritation and...amusement, perhaps.

"I am," he replied, his voice gruff. "But Cate and I…" He paused, his expression becoming contemplative as he chose his next words carefully. "Cate and I have...history. It's...complicated."

"And Elain?" Nesta asked, crossing her arms. Whatever had been going on between Azriel and her younger sister…before it had come to a screeching halt sometimes around Winter Solstice. 

Azriel's face shuttered slightly at the mention of Elain, his jaw tightening. "Elain…" he began, his voice hoarse as he looked away. "That's…over. It was a mistake, really." His voice was rough, almost...ashamed as if the memory of his involvement with her sister pained him

"Elain has a mate," Azriel said carefully. "It has been made very clear to me that I have no right to interfere with that." The way he said these words made Nesta wonder who exactly had done that. 

There was a hint of bitterness in his voice as he spoke, a resentment that he quickly masked with a brusque "It doesn’t matter."

But, it did. It mattered to him, that much was obvious from the tightness of his expression, from the tenseness of his shoulders.

She could guess who had made that clear to him.

Feyre must have found out about it – or, perhaps, Rhysand. And they must have intervened.

She swallowed. It made her uneasy, though she understood why Azriel had…pulled back from that. Unless Elain finally outright turned Lucien down…getting in the middle of that was just begging for a fallout. 

“And you and Cate?” she asked hesitantly. 

Azriel’s expression softened slightly, his shoulders relaxing a fraction.

"Cate and I..." he repeated, his voice hoarse. "We have...a history, as she said. An agreement, you could call it."

He let out a huff of breath, almost like a sigh.

"We're...friends," he finally said, his voice firm, though there was an edge in it that suggested there was more to it than that

“Cate…Cate makes it very clear what she wants from me,” Azriel said quietly. “When we happen to be in the same place, every few years, we…spend time together. We aren’t beholden to each other in any way. She takes other lovers and so do I,” he said with a shrug. 

Azriel’s words were quiet, spoken matter-of-factly, as if he were simply stating a fact. But there was an undertone of something deeper there, hints of…feeling, maybe.

It was so rare to see Azriel openly talk about this stuff, to lay bare even a portion of his personal life.

“Cate has never been scared of me. I appreciate that.” 

He said that like he held that so precious. That little fact. 

Nesta could just stare at him. 

"It’s...nice," he said quietly. "Being with someone who doesn't...shy away. She’s much scarier than I am after all,” he quipped, a small smile on his far too handsome face. 

[violetrainbow412-blog]

Day 30: forever?

Masterlist flufftober 🎃

TW: Mentions of schizophrenia. This would also qualify as hurt/comfort or flangst, but I wanted to write it anyway.

Spencer stared at the ceiling of his room in silence, lost in thoughts that seemed to tangle without remedy. He had been feeling this pressure in his chest for weeks, a fear he couldn't shake off, as if a shadow was relentlessly pursuing him. He knew it wasn't just stress, although that would have been the simplest explanation. This was something much deeper, darker.

His mind, always his greatest strength, now seemed like a source of fear, an invisible enemy haunting him with doubts and insecurities. The possibility of beginning to show signs of schizophrenia, like his mother, terrified him.

He picked up his phone, hesitating over whether he should call someone; whether he should call you. Your number had been there, patient, waiting for him to reach out, to ask for medical advice, a consultation… maybe even just to hear your voice.

He was so scared that he felt his hand trembling as he pressed the call button.

“Spencer?” you asked as soon as you answered. The warmth of your voice on the other end calmed him a bit.

“Hi, how are you?”

“Good, darling. A bit busy because I'm covering a shift in the ER and… ugh, everything is hectic.”

“Oh, then I'll let you go. I can call you later.”

“NO! It’s fine, it’s fine. My relief will be here in ten minutes; I can afford a moment of peace before that,” you murmured, sounding a bit tired. You fell silent for a moment. He said nothing. “Are you okay?”

He swallowed hard, noticing how the tension in his throat made it difficult to speak.

“I know you’re busy and I…” his breathing started to become erratic, despite his wishes. “I’m so sorry, but could you come? I just… I could really use someone to talk to.”

Hearing the tone of his voice, you agreed without hesitation, and an hour later, you were sitting on his couch, surrounded by the silence of his apartment. When you arrived, he didn’t say anything; just seeing his face and how he rubbed his eyes made you realize he was distressed.

Spencer didn’t even know how to begin. How could he explain the terror the idea of losing his mind caused him, of slowly crumbling without being able to do anything?

You didn’t pressure him. You just waited, giving him the time he needed, despite how exhausted you were from being awake for 20 hours. Finally, he took a deep breath and started to speak quietly:

“I’ve been… feeling strange. I’ve had horrible migraines and I thought that was nothing to worry about, but… lately I’ve been hearing things. Voices, whispers. And I see shadows where there shouldn’t be anything.”

His confession filled the room, dense as fog, and for a moment, he feared that you might feel uncomfortable, scared, as if sharing his fear made it more real. You had patients all the time, perhaps in worse conditions than he was, but all those ailments were physical; blood, fluids, skin… you didn’t deal with mental illnesses. Would you be afraid of him?

However, when he looked up, he noticed that you were simply looking at him with concern and tenderness. Despite the dark circles under your eyes, you regarded him with such kindness that he felt unworthy of it.

“How long have you been feeling this way?” you asked softly.

“For a few days… maybe a week,” Spencer sighed, feeling more vulnerable than ever. “My mother… you know what she…” he paused, unable to continue. He didn’t want to say it out loud, didn’t want to invoke the fear that gnawed at him inside. The possibility of also losing himself, like her, was an idea that paralyzed him.

You didn’t respond right away. Instead, you reached out and intertwined your fingers with his. The warmth of your skin anchored him, a reminder that he wasn’t alone, that there was still something real and solid in his life. He remembered the last time he had felt that certainty, many years ago, when they were just kids.

The memory took him back to that day in the park. You were just two children sitting on a bench, the sky clear and the sun shining down on you. Spencer had been strangely quiet, lost in thoughts that seemed too big for his age. His mother had just gone through a very strong episode, and although he didn’t fully understand what it meant, he could feel the fear in his chest, a fear that seemed to settle in his bones. You had noticed his worry, and he, not knowing how to express it, ended up confessing his fears and doubts to you.

“What if something bad happens to my mom?” he had said softly, his gaze fixed on the ground. You had looked at him with that seriousness that only children can have, and without saying anything, you extended your pinky toward him.

“I’ll always take care of you, Spencer,” you told him as if making a sacred promise. He had entwined his pinky with yours, seeking that security that only you could give him.

“Forever?” he asked, unsure if you could keep such a big promise.

You nodded without hesitation.

“Forever.”

Returning to that memory brought him a little peace, a reminder that someone was willing to hold him, to be his refuge. Now, years later, you were by his side once more, fulfilling that promise you seemed to have made a lifetime ago.

Suddenly, he found himself in the present, gently squeezing your hand. The tears had already begun to slide down his cheeks, and he felt so lost… so vulnerable.

Of course, you weren’t going to demand medical details from him at that moment; you were exhausted from attending to patients and knew that what he needed now wasn’t an evaluation, but simply the company of a friend.

“I don’t want to end up like her,” he whispered, not looking at you, his voice broken.

“Spencer,” you replied firmly, taking his chin between your fingers and looking him directly in the eyes, “You don’t have to face this alone. I’ll help you with whatever you need.”

The certainty in your voice was so solid that he felt a part of his anxiety begin to dissolve. But still, the insecurity persisted, a shadow he couldn’t ignore.

He hesitated for a moment before whispering, barely audible:

“Forever?”

You didn’t remember that childhood promise made so many years ago, but at his question, you looked at him with a soft smile and squeezed his hand again.

“Forever,” you affirmed, without wavering.

Spencer felt his shoulders relax at hearing you. That simple word, laden with an unbreakable promise and loyalty, was all he needed at that moment. There were no medical exams, studies, or therapies that could compare to the peace he felt hearing you reaffirm that you would never leave him. Since childhood, he had treasured in his memory the recollection of your pinky intertwined with his when his whole world seemed about to fall apart; now he felt the same, and you were still there.

He allowed himself to release a trembling sigh, and without saying another word, you wrapped your arms around him, drawing him into a warm, firm embrace.

Spencer felt himself crumble at the contact, finally letting go of all those repressed emotions. He held onto you with a mix of desperation and relief, hiding his face in your neck, seeking in your closeness the comfort he had longed for in silence.

The tears flowed freely now, and he stopped fighting against them. It was strange; he used to be the most reserved person, the most contained, but with you, he allowed himself to be vulnerable, human. He knew you could bear his pain without judging him, without being scared. He entrusted you with his deepest fear, and you didn’t leave him alone in the middle of the storm.

You both stayed like that, embraced in silence for long minutes. He felt the weight of his anxiety and fear of illness beginning to give way little by little. The sensation of being held, of being accepted with all his flaws and fears, made him feel less fragmented, less scared.

Eventually, exhaustion began to take its toll on you. After so many hours of work and the emotional effort of comforting Spencer, your body gave in, and you let yourself fall gently against him. Unbeknownst to you, you started to drift off to sleep, and he noticed as your breathing slowed and your weight relaxed in his arms.

Realizing you had succumbed to fatigue, he smiled, touched and grateful to have you by his side. The anguish he had felt all night faded a bit more as he settled in, carefully holding you, protecting you just as you had done with him moments before.

And so, with you asleep in his arms, he felt the darkness that had been looming over him retreat a little; just a little. In that moment, everything seemed more hopeful, less fearsome. He closed his eyes, and for the first time in weeks, felt that maybe he could face his fears. Because, after all, he had someone who would fulfill that promise of being with him forever.

[turtleblogatlast]

“Hey, Hueso.”

Hueso sighs.

Moving his gaze to his left, he sees Leo casually leaning up against the wall next to him. The turtle isn’t looking at him, instead he seems to be staring at nothing at all. Strange, but not necessarily unheard of from him.

“We’re closed, Pepino.” Hueso states, moving a little away to continue closing down his restaurant-

“Can any portal be portal-jacked?”

Hueso pauses.

It’s a simple enough question, one that Hueso’s fairly certain he’s given an equally simple - if not a bit harsh - answer to. Granted, it was more in regard to the likelihood of bad portals being jacked rather than any at all, so maybe now that Leo has admittedly become much more competent with his portals, he’s just worried it’ll happen again.

The invasion certainly made the boy more…cautious. Quieter, too.

“Well…” Hueso runs a bony hand down his face, “From what I know, the possibility always exists, Pepino. However, it is far, far more unlikely to be portal-jacked when the portal is made by a master, rather than some reckless amateur.”

Leo nods his head, almost vacantly. If Hueso wasn’t paying so much attention he may have missed the way Leo seemed to look a little sick. Despite himself, concern builds within him.

“So-“ Leo starts, his voice soft in a worrisome way before he clears it, “So…if the portal was just- really strong, it could still be jacked if made by a beginner?”

Hueso watches closely even as he nods in answer, “Sí. Your own portals are strong, no?”

Leo shakes his head, “No, like- imagine a portal way stronger than mine ever were. Something huge and stuff. More, uh. More locked up dimensions and time, less…just space.”

“Hm.” Hueso frowns, considering the strange question. “Well, in truth I have yet to come across many portals on that level, but there’s nothing to say that it’s not possible-“ The smallest furrow of Leo’s brow makes Hueso hurry to add, “-ah, but there’s also nothing that says it is possible.”

“So…it could happen? It’s not a definitive “no”?” Leo asks, the smallest of shakes present in his tone.

Hueso puts a hand on Leo’s shoulder. “No lo sé, Pepino. I haven’t come across such portals enough to give a good answer to you.”

Something in him hurts a bit when Leo visibly plasters on a grin. “Ah, man. Well- Gracias, Hueso, this was just a stupid thing to get all hung up on anyway.”

Hueso looks closer at this annoying, insufferable, horribly quiet and reserved boy. He sees the dark circles peaking, barely visible thanks to the mask. He sees the scars of healed injuries never to be forgotten displayed all across the boy’s body. He sees the look in Leo’s eyes, a depression and worry that is…hard to look at, in someone so young.

He sees all of this in Leo, and as much as he sometimes wishes to deny it, he cares enough about him to gently ask. “Are you okay, Pepino?”

“Oh- yeah, yeah, don’t worry, Hueso, I’m not about to whine to you again or anything.” Leo laughs, backing away out of Hueso’s reach. “It’s just a little question, just something that’s been bothering me, y’know? Wanted to ask an expert.”

“Pepino-“ Hueso starts, not quite sure what to say. The words “you can come to me whenever you need to” are true, and yet he can’t bring himself to say them before Leo already is swinging a katana.

In the light of his blue portal, Leo sends Hueso his signature, manufactured grin. “Thanks for listening, Hueso!”

And then he’s gone. Just like that. Standing tall and confident with not a shred of that worry and reservation and fear left behind. It was the look of a soldier heading off to a battle he knew was terrifying, but one he also knew he needed to keep a brave face for.

It would have been a commendable look, if not for the fact Leo was heading home.

Hueso stares at the residual sparks of the portal for just a moment longer before moving to continue closing. Next time, because there will always be a next time, Hueso will have a fresh pizza waiting.

And, hopefully, a bit of that insufferable turtle he knows so well comes back to grab a slice.

[cutielando]

cute | o.p.

synopsis: in which you're the cutest couple on the grid

my masterlist

First appearance at the paddock as a couple

Looking all around you at the busy paddock, you were in absolute awe.

You had been used to the Formula 2 lifestyle, being with Oscar ever since his karting days and attending as many races as you possibly could.

But Formula 1 was an entirely different thing. This was a whole other world than what you were used to.

"Are you okay?" Oscar asked once he saw how you kept looking all around you.

"This is wow" you mumbled, squeezing his hand that was holding yours and hugging his bicep to keep close to him.

"Quite the upgrade, right?" he asked, kissing the side of your head sweetly.

You nodded, still looking starstruck at the whole paddock around you.

Even after you got to the McLaren garage and Oscar spoke to his engineers and introduced everyone to you, you were still stuck to his side, leaning your head against his shoulder and hugging his bicep close to you.

"You're so cute" you would hear multiple engineers say in your direction, making you blush and try to hide your face in Oscar's hoodie.

Unbeknownst to you, fans had caught the cute little interactions between you two, making the internet go wild over how cute you were.

Slowly but surely becoming the favorite grid couple.

♡♡♡♡♡

First appearance in a McLaren video

You didn't know how he had convinced you to participate.

You had never been one for the attention and the cameras and everything, but you learned how to live with it because it was part of Oscar's life.

However, you always opted out of being in videos you didn't have to be in.

That all changed when McLaren proposed to Oscar that they get the two of you in a video playing a couple's game. It took some convincing on Oscar's part, but here you were in front of the camera, your palms sweating profusely.

"Hey, we don't have to do this if you don't want to" Oscar whispered once he noticed how terrified you truly looked.

Seeing his gentle and worried face made you relax slightly, shaking your head.

"I'm fine. This could be fun" you said, putting your hand over his in reassurance.

He looked at you for a moment longer and nodded his head, leaning in to peck your lips quickly before settling in his chair next to you.

"Hello everybody. I'm Oscar and this is my girlfriend Y/N and we're going to be doing a couple's quiz today!" Oscar excitedly started the video and you just smiled and waved at the camera.

"Don't mind Y/N, she is just a little camera shy" Lando commented from behind the camera, making you blush immediately.

"Moving on. Question number 1, how did you two meet? Y/N, wanna answer?" Oscar asked as he looked ar you gently.

You nodded and cleared your throat, shifting in your chair to sit more comfortably.

"We met back when we were kids, our families were friends. We lost contact when he left home to pursue his racing career and met again when he came home after winning his Formula 3 championship and the rest is kind of history" you said, looking back at Oscar who nodded.

"Question number 2, how do you cope with traveling so much and being away from home?" you asked, looking at your boyfriend.

"It's hard, to be honest. Being away from home for so many months and occasionally only flying back for the holidays, not seeing our families as much as we would like to, the jet lag is horrible. I think Y/N being with me helps a lot, she always helps me balance things out and adapt quickly, plus I always I feel at home wherever I'm with her, so that is definitely a plus" Oscar took your hand in his and kissed me, making you blush once again.

Questions and questions later, you finally ended the video and released a breath you didn't realize you had been holding.

"How do you feel?" Oscar asked you once you were out of the camera shot.

"I'm okay, it was more fun than I thought it was going to be" you confessed, wrapping your arms around his waist.

"Thanks for agreeing to do this with me" he said and leaned down to kiss your lips and then bury his head in the crook of your neck.

After the video was uploaded, the internet absolutely exploded with how cute they found you guys, how perfect you two seemed for each other, edits over edits tagging you and your boyfriend.

♡♡♡♡♡

Celebrating his first Sprint Win in Qatar

Watching the Qatar Sprint had you on the edge of your seat. You've always known how talented Oscar was, but now was the time he would prove it.

He had been leading the Sprint for the majority of the race and it was drawing to a close, your boyfriend still in the lead.

The whole McLaren garage was buzzing with excitement seeing both of their drivers potentially on pole, already starting celebrations before the race even ended.

From the moment Oscar passed the checkered flag first, everything was a blur.

You were screaming and jumping in happiness, hugging both of his parents like it was your last day on Earth.

Once he parked his car and got out of it, you didn't even let him take off his helmet or gloves before you jumped into his arms, wrapping your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck.

"I'm so proud of you, my pretty boy" you told him, burying your face in his shoulder.

"I did it for you" he said back, squeezing you just as tightly.

As you stood there in the middle of the paddock wrapped in each other's arms, everyone around you stopped to admire you.

The amount of love that the two of you shared couldn't be denied, it was very obvious how in love you were with one another and how pure it was.

His parents were standing a distance behind you, watching the sweet interaction with smiles on their face.

They had always cared immensely for Oscar being as he was their only son, and seeing you take such good care of him, loving him, traveling with him and being by his side through his entire career made them feel proud.

It was safe to say that you became the fan favorite grid couple.

comments and re-blogs help us grow!

much appreciated!!

REQUEST HERE

[surplus-of-sarcasm]

I Do

TW: Blood, bruises, and some angst

Ya girl has some off-days from college, and she's decided to use em. Missed y'all < 3

The villain's gloved fingers drummed impatiently on the table, his dark shadow looming over the hero with a promise of danger.

"What's it going to be, Hero? I sell those codes to Supervillain? Or you comply with our little agreement?" His tone was perfectly calm, eerily so, his eyes impossible to read behind the domino mask, but he still emanated danger, his lips drawn together in a tight line.

It was cruel calling it 'their' agreement because the hero had no hand in this. The suggestion had left her more shocked than angry, still reeling from the villain's words.

"Marry me," he'd said in a commanding tone. Like any other choice would've been the wrong answer, tilting her chin upwards ever so subtly.

And the hero held his gaze, transfixed, gasping and laughing and hoping this was nothing but a fever dream.

"Wha-" the hero choked out incoherently.

The villain had let go of her face, his hands resting on the top of her chair. "I can repeat it as many times as you want me to," he stage-whispered against the shell of her ear, his tone gentle and dangerous all at once.

"But, I don't understand. What could you possibly gain from this of all things? You despise me, Villain." She truly couldn't process any of what she was told, the mere idea of being tethered so bindingly to her worst enemy leaving her mind an ineffective, nervous wreck.

The villain huffed out a rough laugh, very genuine and horribly cruel. "Oh, but I do despise you. Very much. I despise how defeated and humiliated you left me in front of half the city . Despised the fact that you got me locked up. Despised how for the very first time, I actually felt like I lost the game, and I'm a rather sore loser, you know." The villain's demeanour was eerily calm, his shoulders straight, his resting face showing nothing but a placid neutrality as he turned to stand in front of the hero, but it was arguably more terrifying, more unpredictable.

"I just want to see you as defeated as I've been, Hero. Bound so intimately to your worst enemy, your greatest nightmare. If you do this, it means admitting to me, and more importantly, to yourself, that the only option you have is bending to my whims," he crooned, his lips curling into a wicked smirk.

The hero wanted to scream, to kick the villain in the teeth and watch the blood trickle down his lips and the bruising dye his skin a grotesque purple. She wanted to think of a clever solution that left the man's face contorted with a strange mix of hatred and respect, to blow his plan up in his face. Anything that would spare her this hell.

"Did I mention you have exactly five minutes to decide?" he piped up casually, examining his nails.

The hero swore and the villain let out a half-snicker. This was madness. A death sentence that would last for the rest of her life. And it didn't matter if she said no, if she undid whatever she could of the havoc those codes would wreak in Supervillain's hands. The conviction so heavily saturated in the villain's tone, the way his jaw clenched and his fists tightened was more than enough proof that he would spread more chaos, spark more fights, destroy an endless array of things and lives until she gave in to him.

The villain loved control like he loved the air he breathed, even more so, like a drug that left him intoxicated and lusting for more.

If she didn't listen, she was sending everyone she cared about, sending the city, the whole world if the villain had it his way, to hell.

The hero sucked in a measured breath, reading the contract word for word, from the title to the fine print, scouring it for a loophole she could use, for any more tricks up the villain's sleeve, just to find nothing. She tried to relax her tensed shoulders, her grip merciless on the pen in her erratically shaking hands, every curve and line of the letters of her name feeling like a blade was slicing through her heartstrings like how one would rip a stalk; slowly, unevenly, time seeming to slow down and the world seeming to freeze for a moment that felt like a thousand years and then some.

The villain didn't smile or laugh or let any display of emotion etch itself onto the harsh lines of his features. He nodded curtly instead, snatching the paper and folding it into a square and tucking it in a well-concealed pocket of his suit. "The cruelty only ends here," he attested, his voice tight and no longer playful, the way it was whenever he promised something.

The hero nodded, swallowing the humiliation at the back of her throat, even though she wasn't inclined to believe him.

"There's a ceremony. Nothing very insane, just you, me and an officiator. This is just a contract, not a marriage certificate, even if we both know which one of those is more binding. You'll show up today, if you know what's good for you, heroine."

The hero wasn't sure when she was up on her feet and slapping the villain harshly across the face, blood spurting from his mouth and staining his perfectly straight teeth, as he only grit them into a manic grin, shaking with a hoarse cackle as he wiped the blood of his face "Is that how you treat your husband, my dear? Do they forget to teach you manners at the hero agency?"

The hero was too dazed with rage to speak, trying to mar the villain's visage with another rough blow to it, until he caught her hand with an iron fist. "I said I'd never hurt you for nothing, but not that I'd let you do to me what you please without consequence. So play nice, darling." The villain let go of her arm slowly, the bruises he left in his wake more than enough of a warning.

The second he left, the hero didn't cry as she thought she would, she didn't scream, she didn't destroy everything around her or rip through her hair. Instead, she slid down against the wall, expressionless but breathing hard, her lungs hungry for air that seemed so unfairly little, her heart playing songs of anxiety and fury and sorrow every horrible emotion she'd ever known.

She was marrying the villain. Marrying the villain, and she couldn't do a thing about it. Marrying him and no one would come to save her.

Sometimes being a hero means saving the whole world except yourself.

✨️Timeskip✨️

Sure enough, the villain was there in a tailored suit, in front of his house her new prison, where he'd told her to show up, the officiator standing with a solemn expression on his face.

The villain wasn't supposed to be handsome, the dark brown hair she was normally used to seeing messy and caked with blood slightly damp with gel and mostly hanging in loose, luscious waves, his eyes a dazzling green-blue, long, dark lashes framing them in a way that put the best kinds of kohl to shame and his cheekbones sharp and high-set, the split on his lip hardly distracting from the rest of his appearance. It was so unbelievably stupid, so inconsequential, and yet the hero hated him even more for his tantalisingly beautiful features, for the way his grin would've fooled her into thinking he truly was in love, if she didn't notice how it didn't reach up to his eyes.

The hero hadn't paid any mind to whatever the officiator had said until it was her turn to say 'I do', flashing the villain a terribly fake smile that wasn't half as charming as his, but it would have to do as she slid a simple platinum ring on his finger, and he slid a diamond ring onto hers.

"Let's go," the villain said when they were finally done, gently taking the hero's gloved hand in his and leading her up the stairs and into the mansion.

The heroine was not one to admit defeat and snap in half in the fashion that a twig would. Many a battle would need to be lost for a victory in the war, many a sacrifice would have to be made for a greater reward. She would take the pain like stone would take a blunt pickaxe, just to twist a knife in the villain's chest when he least expected. Because history forgets everyone but those who laugh the last.

Tagging for this: @hufflepuffwritingstuff2

Le Taglist: @larinzz @syberianjade @lateuplight @altu-interactions @enbious-prince @astr0-mj @thelazywitchphotographer @a-fucking-simp-00 @addictedsandwhichaki @justalittlecorrupted @quaggasus @adamswrongchild @vernilliom @mothmancommitsarson @starssabove @kurai-hono-blog @talkingsperm @muffinrebel44 @sunnynwanda @annablogsposts @cardboardarsonist @itsmyworld23 @onlywhump @m3rakii @crotchgoblin69 @wtfevenisausername @pendarling @avloki-pal @kaiwewi @those-damn-snippets @genuinelythioehat-is-whump @ghostofnorth @dragonmine-24 @detectivepetrichor @orangeduckweed @red-is-the-reputation4444 @alexii117

[what-even-is-thiss]

Who’s your favorite daedric prince? (Or Princes! Some people tie!)

I’ll rank them.

16. Molag Bal. Rapist. Don’t need to explain myself.

15. Meridia. Annoying. Against free will. Willingly hung out with Molag Bal. Isn’t on board with necromancy though so that’s fine

14. Hermaeus Mora. Has a cool lovecraftian vibe but he won’t leave me alone. Stop following me.

13. Mehrunes Dagon. Tried to invade Tamriel. Generally has rancid vibes.

12. Boethia. Hates the weak. Generally kind of a bitch. Genderfluid though so that’s fun.

11. Sanguine. Seems cool at first but I would not leave my drink unattended at one of his parties.

10. Clavicus Vile. Kind of a stupid man child that tries to trick you on purpose but he has a talking dog and helps you get better at talking to people so that moves him up on the list

9. Mephala. The only reason she’s not further down on this list is because she’s associated with the dunmer and I like the dunmer. Her blade isn’t that good. I killed all my friends for nothing.

8. Hircine. What is there to say about Hircine? Perfectly middle of the road kind of Daedra tbh. He’s a god of the hunt and encompasses all good and bad aspects of that.

7. Namira. I don’t enjoy the cannibalism part but I can vibe with making a god out of the rot and darkness of the world. That’s pretty cool. Her ring was pretty good in oblivion also.

6. Nocturnal. *shakes nocturnal by the shoulders* What do you want? What do you want? What is your problem, lady? Why do you let so many people steal from you?

5. Peryite. Probably the most underrated one. Yeah he’s a god of disease but he mostly keeps to himself and is more of a force of nature than a malevolent presence

4. Vaermina. I kinda vibe with the whole horrible nightmares thing like go off have a surrealist realm of oblivion that changes from one second to the next and feeds off of people’s greatest fears I love that for her

3. Sheogorath. I am a mentally ill person and a creative so why wouldn’t I put the god of creativity and madness high on the list? He’s funny and terrifying. Always a good combination.

2. Malacath. He mostly just cares about the orcs and takes care of them. He’s an overly strict dad and kind of violent but he’s still mostly okay.

1. Azura. As long as you tell her how pretty she is she’ll love you back. And she wants you to love yourself. Her main disadvantage is vanity but there are worse things. She’s the most chill of pretty much all of them.

[septimusmoonlight]

Anonymous: Idk if you've ever written anything abt this but I love the idea of some small foreign entity crawling inside my womb while I'm asleep and like. Fusing I guess? And just constantly fertilizing me to the point I'm always pumping out its kids. Makes me go straight to Niagara falls lol

I'm sure I have some permapreg like it somewhere around here, but it's always something I'm willing to explore <3

It's just an ordinary night for you, so you manage to get to sleep eventually. That's when your uninvited guest comes out to play. Maybe it was under your bed, or just outside your window, or somewhere else in your room that you don't check often enough. Whatever it is, the thing slinks out from its hiding spot on too many limbs and seeks out your available hole. It knows it has a good project on its hands - you can be turned into a good tool for it, something to pump out not-quite-humans infected with its genes.

Its body secretes sedatives that keep you fast asleep as it opens up your cunt with its tapered body, pulling itself deeper and deeper inside of you until it presses right up against your cervix. With a little extra force, it pops inside, sliding perfectly into place as it latches to the top of your womb. It quickly dissolves a portion of the inner lining so that its body can fuse to yours, and it even incorporates some of your DNA into itself so that your immune system doesn't recognize it as a threat. Within minutes, its skin and your womb flow into each other seamlessly, and it can begin its work.

It takes a little while to get your body up to speed on what the new plan is. The first round of hormones it secretes is meant to prepare its environment for its young in particular - they may be similar to humans in various superficial ways, but they are most certainly not the standard young a human should be bearing, and certainly at a rate far too fast for any human. Then, once your internal workings have been altered to its tastes, it starts releasing its seed into your womb - in fact, with bifurcated genitalia, it can simply insert a long probe directly into your fallopian tubes and bombard your unprotected ovaries with its sperm cells, fertilizing engorged eggs much faster than should be possible. In fact, new eggs are forming just for its purposes, which is normally an incredibly rare event - but, then again, this thing isn't producing humans, so human biology is mostly irrelevant.

The first cells start dividing late in the night while you're still peacefully sleeping, entirely unaware of how you've been changed. Permanently. Forever.

In the morning, you become acutely aware of the new developments when the first hints of labor pull you harshly into the waking world. You gasp and moan, clutching at your rounded, swollen belly. You're so large that you can't even adjust your position properly, and you're left to wonder, terrified, what must have happened last night for you to end up like this. You're not allowed to think much further about it, however, because the pain of a child pressing against your dilated cervix is a distraction from everything else, and you have to follow through on the urge to push before anything else can be done.

Labor is fast, in comparison to how long an active labor normally is, and it's agonizing as a result. Your body isn't used to being stretched open and pulled apart like this, much less from the inside out, so thoroughly claimed by something you can't identify - and yet, despite the pain, pleasure still washes over you, and you can't help but cum multiple times, delaying the birth as you clench hard around the inhuman child still sliding through your birth canal. Your cervix and cunt are stretched wide, wide open, torturous and euphoric at the same time, and you're tempted to linger at the crowning stage just to bask in the horrible, searing burn that comes from something just too big. Your body screams at you to bear down, though, so you do, your legs shaking as you cum again at the sensation of a newborn slipping wetly out of your newly-sloppy cunt.

As you lay back, fighting for breath, you can feel more weight gathering in your lower belly. Placing a hand on your midsection greets you with the sensation of your skin pulling tight under your fingers, an alien mass pushing out from within, filling up your womb with something you didn't ask for - and yet something that makes your skin burn with arousal, makes your eyes roll back in your head and your tongue loll out of your mouth when your cervix hugs another small body on its way out of you. The process seems to be speeding up - even as you're giving birth, another body stretches your insides.

These are just the growing pains as the organism that's taken you over makes sure its systems are in place properly. It's making sure that you can push out as many children as it commands, making sure that you're hyperfertile and loving it, making sure that the elevated pain response you're experiencing is simultaneously translated to pleasure so that it hurts and makes you cum at the same time. So far, everything is going well - but it wants to keep up the test run for a little while, pump out enough children to make up for its time outside of a human womb, when it couldn't produce young.

You're trapped in bed all day, screaming and sobbing through orgasm after orgasm as babies open you wide, an endless chain of children you can't identify, not at all human and yet with the appearances of oversized newborns. The way they can crawl immediately after birth - and climb up the walls, no less - tells you that you're not dealing with a weird human pregnancy; this is something entirely out of your wheelhouse, but you're finding it harder and harder to care as your brain learns more and more to enjoy your new position as a permanent baby factory, a sloppy hole for babies to come out of, an incubator. You're forgetting everything else you had planned for today, for next week, for the upcoming month, the rest of the year. Pleasure and pain, and this implacable urge to give birth over and over again, are quickly wiping out the desire to do anything else.

By the end of the day, things have slowed back down, but you're still giving birth at least once an hour. In between, you're rubbing your cunt, easily sliding a fist into your sloppy hole to keep yourself open for the next child that needs to come out of you. You're all too happy to stay like this, but when there's an extended pause, you take the opportunity to fall back asleep, exhausted without realizing it.

Then, you wake up, and your midsection is larger than it was yesterday morning. The morning sun says hello through your drawn blinds as you wail, squeezing out a batch of easily five or six newborns, apparently left gestating inside of you all night while the thing that took you over let you get some rest. It seems to have a good picture of the human limit, but you have no clue of any of this; all you know is that something happened to you, and it's the best time you've ever had in your life.

[shaisimp]

Stalker Fyodor Dostoevsky

(20th post. Art credits to @ nocturnalcm. Slight TW for slight aggressiveness and violence+actual stalking. Should I make p2?)

A stalker. A psychopath. A madman. That's what he is. You swore you've been feeling so uneasy for the past few...years?

You brushed it off thinking you were just paranoid. But no, that isn't the case now.

The moment you had locked your front door, you swore someone was following you.

And there he is, creepily smiling at your window.

Your heartbeat was beating real fast, feeling frozen after you had just locked and closed your door and he's just there..smiling and grinning in a not so friendly..way. Atleast he isn't acting that hostile..Yet?

Your breathing also started to grow a tad bit quick, feeling helpless despite how he's outside. Its like he's so close, yet far away..

He's not moving, still grinning like a madman. He's been outside of your window for a good while and he's just...looking at you? Your breathing gets faster and faster and you're starting to hyperventilate now. It's too much...what is he doing?

Is he there just to scare you? He's not like the yanderes you've read about who act instantly...maybe he just wants you to know he's here? You're scared but too petrified to move from your place.

This is a scary and horrible experience. Those yandere stereotypes you had read wasn't like this at all. He's an actual stalker that naturally has an uneasy aura..but you can't even..move an inch from your place.

What if he suddenly breaks in and started growing hostile? What if he hurts you? There's so many possible outcomes..

It suddenly hits you — what's stopping him from breaking in and hurting you? It was only a few seconds after the realization that you jumped as you heard him banging on the door.

Bang. Bang. BANG!

"Let me in!" He cries out, sounding almost friendly but there's an underlying tone of pure insanity. Your heart races. You don't know what to do.

No no..

The actual panic is kicking in, is the lock in your front door enough? You need..you must hide — anywhere! You want to move but your legs are staying still. You couldn't move at all even with such attempts, too scared to move. This is..genuine fear.

It gets worse as he starts banging against the door relentlessly now. You're shaking violently and you're frozen in place, even as you notice tears starting to run down your cheeks. He isn't going to stop, he's going to get in, you're going to lose.

You need to move now before things become worse. You NEED to hide somewhere, anywhere...otherwise that madman is going to find you and make you his.

You need-

You frantically looked around, desperately wanting to hide. Anywhere! Under the bed? Behind furnitures? Inside the closet?

The closet. The closet!

You rushed away from the living room and ran to your bedroom, locking the door there again before sliding inside the closet. Putting a hand to your mouth. You feel like your heart is going to explode any second.

You're shaking as you're hiding in the closet. The sound of the banging gets faster and louder, as if he's going to break down the door in a few more seconds.

There's a loud crash on the other side as you realize...he broke down the door? And he's coming up the stairs now. You're breathing heavily in the closet, trembling in fear. It's the most terrifying experience of your life and nobody is here to help you. You're all alone now.

Please let this all be just a dream..a nightmare you can wake up from. Your fear was so unbearable you wanted to cry but you can't make noises. You don't want him to find you. What if he'll kill you? What if he'll kidnap you? He can do anything possible.. he's already a threat.

You can hear him making his way up the stairs, his footsteps getting nearer and nearer to your room. You're trembling, you're shaking, you're in pure fear. Your hands are shaking uncontrollably and you're struggling to breathe as you're trapped in the cramped closet.

Another loud, forceful impact. One more. He makes his way into your room. You hear his footsteps now as you keep trying to control your breathing and stay as quiet as possible.

How is he so physically strong to break down..doors with ease? That's so scary.. something horrifying.. terrifying. Praying to dear god to let this be a nightmare you can wake up from.

That madman made you quietly begged forgiveness to god in a swift moment.

The footsteps get nearer as you hear the man sigh. He knows where you are. He knows you're on the closet, hiding in the dark, trembling in fear. You hear a faint knock to the closet doors, followed by a familiar...voice.

"Darling, come on out. I'm getting tired of playing this chase."

His voice is soft and gentle, like a lion trying to get you to come out of your hiding spot.

How..no..

You felt tears starting to form on your eyes. Should you come out? He isn't as hostile..his tone became soft and gentle. But what if it's a trap? What if he takes advantage on that? You can't even form a word — like a cat got your tongue.

[diagonal-queen]

Can i request Dazai, chuuya and tecchou when they have a nightmare (like their s/o being kidnapped or something similar)

(I want to request for Atsushi but he already suffered too much)

i see your request. and i'm writing atsushi too because i love to be evil and mean >:)

When they have a nightmare about you

♡ pairing: Dazai Osamu, Chuuya Nakahara, Tecchou Suehiro, Atsushi Nakajima x gn!Reader

♡ synopsis: How do these boys behave after waking up from a nightmare where something bad happens to you?

♡ cw: Nightmares, mentions of violence/torture/kidnapping, your faves are very traumatised.

note: I tried to make this one very sad so everyone who reads this please cry when you read it to make me feel good about myself 🤧 apologies for errors, hope you enjoy x

Dazai:

Dazai has lost too many loved ones to handle such a nightmare with any kind of grace. A worse case scenario would be a nightmare in which he is the direct cause for your harm/kidnapping/death, so that's what I'm going with

He's so distressed when he wakes up that he can't move for a minute. He takes a second to come to his senses and realise that it was just a dream.

Dazai turns to you and immediately wakes you up to tell you about it. He doesn't want to let that stuff marinate in his head while he's by himself for too long

You wake up and ask him what the matter is, knowing something is off. This is because usually you're the one who has to wake him up every day. Dazai loves sleeping.

He explains the nightmare to you that he had (in gruesome detail) in a weirdly calm and unexpressive manner- this is what he tends to default to when something distressing happens to him (same)

You can tell that under his demeanour he's actually quite rattled, so you ask him if he's alright and he eventually admits that he fears the possibility that he might hurt you

You wrap your arms around him and tell him that you're not going anywhere and you know that he would never do that. You also tell him how safe you feel around him and how grateful you are for that. Your words really help Dazai feel better :')

After your little talk he kisses you and tells you he loves you too. He holds you in his arms, your head tucked under his chin, and bask in the comfortable loving silence between the two of you until he falls asleep again

Chuuya:

Chuuya likes to be in control, so when he's having a nightmare about you getting in harm's way (something he would kill to prevent), he's shaken up.

He tosses and turns in his sleep to the point that he probably ends up waking you up first, and when you notice this you're the one who shakes him awake

He does awaken eventually, breathing heavily and all that, and when you ask him if he's alright he just pulls you into his arms and squeezes the hell out of you, saying something like 'thank god you're still here'

When you ask him again what's wrong he does explain his nightmare to you, though he has trouble getting the words out because just thinking about it makes him feel horrible

Seeing how distressed he is, you take his hand and reassure him that you know that nothing will ever happen to you if he's there protecting you

He'd try to protest with things like 'But what if-' but you're having NONE of it. You don't let him get a word in while you tell him that you wholeheartedly believe in him and how amazing he is

When you also promise to him that you'll be there to protect him too, he's so touched that he absolutely squeezes you again (keep in mind the poor guy is already tired and emotionally volatile)

He has a hard time getting back to bed after the nightmare, so the two of you stay up for a few hours cuddling and talking about life and stuff. And how much you love one another <3

Tecchou:

Tecchou probably has super vivid dreams wherein he has no idea that they're just dreams, so when he wakes up he's both terrified and exhausted

He lies there for a minute in absolute terror at what he's just seen. You were probably being tortured in his dream (he's seen a lot of that kind of thing before and it would definitely manifest in his dreams)

He eventually sits up and wakes you up to make sure you're all fine and good yourself. When you wake up and ask him what the matter is, he's very vague about it but Tecchou is kind of easy to read

Usually Tecchou appears a little offish and absentminded (plus he's a member of an OP military unit), so it's very jarring to see him appearing truly serious and even afraid.

You need to ask him questions to prompt him to tell you just how he's feeling, and you helping him verbalise his feelings about the nightmare helps him feel a lot better! You kind of bring him back to reality in a way?

You explain to him that in being his partner, it's kind of impossible for any danger to befall you, like ever, and that while you understand that nightmares can be upsetting they're not a reflection of the future or anything

He's very comforted by your presence and certainty, and asks if it's alright if you stay up and talk to him for a little while more. Tecchou likes being very 'in the moment' with you

So he snuggles in your arms and the pair of you lay in bed as you try to take his mind off the nightmare, talking about funny or cute things with him until he eventually falls back asleep

Atsushi:

Atsushi has seen some shit, had some bad nightmares and he's had his friends be kidnapped several times (haven't we all?), but when it comes to you it's somehow a million times worse.

Let's say his nightmare is you being kidnapped by the mafia or something (which is very much a real concern of his and something he's constantly trying to keep from happening)

So when he wakes up in a cold sweat he's immediately making sure you're still there with him. When he sees you sleeping peacefully by his side, he's unbelievably relieved. He might start crying

He'd not want to wake you up and try to get back to bed but it's kind of hard to stay asleep when there's a man cuddling you and also trembling

When you wake up you immediately know something's wrong, and when you ask him he just breaks down and cries into your neck. This unintentionally worries you a lot more and so you're both panicked now

So when he realises this he's like 'Wait no it's fine!' and quickly tells you (in as composed a manner as he can) about the nightmare he had. He looks so upset it's honestly heartbreaking

You cuddle him and tell him that nothing bad is gonna happen to you, that you know if anything happens you, you're gonna be just fine in the end thanks to him and the Agency

He's so thankful for your presence in his life that even if he's fully aware that his fear is a little bit of paranoia, he can't help but fear the hypothetical in which you're taken away from him. Atsushi loves you a lot and it really shows in scenarios like this

would do anything to snuggle with dazai or atsushi :(

[butididntpourthewhiskeys]

Sweat & Tears

“Are you sure?” the red-haired woman looks at the blonde in front of her, who clearly struggles to take off her sandals. It’s silent in the room, two security guards waiting in the door frame for her. Tree can see clearly how Taylor's hands are shaking, almost like a tremor that has been brewing inside of her for a few hours. She’s fiddling with the buckle of her Gucci heels. Truth is, she’d prefer for Taylor to spend her evening in company of her father and herself over a nice dinner in her suite. Besides the many phone calls Tree has to make, she still cares about Taylor’s well-being first and foremost. And by the sight of it, she absolutely is not well. But knowing the blonde stubborn woman as well as she does, Tree could already tell by the minute they left the venue that Taylor is once again in a rather self-isolating mood. 

“Do you need anything?” she asks then, still watching the long blonde sitting on the couch of her hotel suite, knowing very well that she didn’t get an answer to her last question.

“Do you have water? Let me know if you need anything else. Dinner will be served as soon as you…”

“I told you, I’m not hungry.” Taylor responds then in a tone that tells Tree everything she needs to know. One more push and Taylor might actually loose her temper. She sighs.

“Alright. Call if you need anything. Alex is on call next door. These guys will be just outside your hotel room door for safety.” She says and points to the men right behind her. She looks at Taylor one last time, who is still sitting on the hotel couch, obviously exhausted and down. She doesn’t want to push her any further, but she can’t contain a last “get some rest, Tay. I know this was a rough few days but you’re doing great.”

Taylor doesn’t reply, once more, and Tree gets the message. She gives the three men next to her a look, signaling them to ensure that her door is secured at all times. Tree then leaves the presidential suite, and the big door falls into the lock. 

And suddenly, Taylor's alone. Completely alone. 

She takes a deep breath. She just needs to shower it off. With her hair in a loose bun she covers her eyes for a moment sitting there. She’s tired. So tired. But every time she tries to relax, there’s the same picture in her head. Beautiful Ana’s smiling face. The fact that this young person had to loose her life because she decided to give a concert. Taylor immediately gets up. This thought is unbearable. She needs to stop thinking about this. She walks barefoot over the burgundy carpet of her suite, makes sure the curtains are fully closed before opening the bed sheets. She’s been waiting all day for this. 

Within one second, Taylor has gotten comfortable under these heavy sheets. The air conditioning in the room is on full mode, and she’s thankful for this cooling sensation of the bed sheets on her bare legs. The incredible feeling of crawling into bed after a horrible day. Another thing that Ana will never experience again…

Just when Taylor was about to get lost in these thoughts again is when her phone vibrates for what feels like the fifteenth time tonight. She knew that her mom and Travis had been texting her. But the last thing she could do earlier was to be on the phone when everything went down. Her desperately waiting in her way too warm and stuffy dressing room. Her dad walking up and down, telling her that it’ll be alright and that everybody is on her side. Sweat dripping down her forehead. Tree being on the phone constantly and a bunch of translators running back and forth. And her? Useless just in between the chaos. She wasn’t able to tell anyone at home what was going on. There was no space. No silence. No room to breathe.. until now.

Taylor opens her iMessage chat with Travis and swallows. 18 notifications. 7 calls. He’s worried. Not just because she didn’t pick up or reply to his texts for hours now but also because he had to find out that this show, that she’s been terrified of playing all day, had been postponed last minute through an instagram post on her official handle. Never before did he have to find out something like this through social media.

Your dad told me you’re unwell. Call me when you can. No need to go through this on your own.

His last text makes her smile slightly. He never fails to show her support. And as shocked as she is that he went to the lengths of calling her father, it shouldn’t really surprise her that much. These two have hit it off to an almost greater degree than she and Travis have. Her dad adores him. No wonder these two are chatting behind her back. 

Taylor takes a deep breath, opens her front camera for a second. She looks horrific, tries to fix her bangs for a moment before calling him back. Yes, she knows he won’t care what she looks like but she still wants him to not see her at her worst. Not just yet. Just when Taylor is about to leave her bed to fix her face and her hair is when she gets an incoming FaceTime call from him. She hesitates for a second, then decides to go for it anyways. 

The second he appears on her screen is the second she feels tears boiling up again. She doesn’t know why, but something about seeing his kind face and the worried look in his eyes opens the flood gates for her. She needs him. Oh lord, how much she would love to tell herself that it isn’t so.

“Oh baby” is all he brings out for a second. The little tear escaping Taylor’s eye and rolling its way over her cheek hasn’t remained unnoticed by him. She doesn’t say anything, just makes sure to wipe the incoming tears as much as humanly possible.

“I’m sorry, I…” just when she was about to apologize for how he’s witnessing her right now is when he interrupts her already. 

“Tell me everything. I just got home from practice and I’m all yours. Your dad said there was some issues with the people there again?” 

Taylor takes a deep breath, glad that he’s there. Glad that she can talk about it. Glad that she knows he wants to listen.

“It’s a nightmare. I told you this morning how they threatened Tree and 13 that I’m contractually obligated to perform because apparently the circumstances aren’t as bad as they need to be for a show like this to be cancelled. Like..” Taylor can barely find words to describe her anger, just feels angry tears following the ones from before while her hands are making a grand gesture.

“I mean, a young girl has died... DIED the day before and they don’t think this is as bad as it gets? And Tree also told them about my little incident last night and…”

“Thank god!” Travis interrupts her. She knows the second he learned about her fainting backstage after the show, was the second he himself started to worry more than she would want him to.

“Yeah but, they basically still wanted us to go through and then they finally agreed to providing free water if we cover the costs. Which is something they shouldn’t even charge anyone for, but like.. of course I would pay for that. I didn't even care. And yet once people started getting seated and the arena got more and more packed, there was no water being handed out to people. Nothing. If… if my team hadn’t flagged this, I probably never would’ve known, Trav and…”

“This is unbelievable.” He just says, sighs deeply and is clearly angry too. He’s sitting on his couch, wearing one of her beloved huge sweaters that she’s been stealing so often. What would she give to cuddle herself into his chest, feel his big arms hold her tight and simply fit her little big world into the palm of his kind hands right now.

“Yup. So I just posted it. On Instagram. Because there was no getting out of the show unless I pull the plug myself. They’re threatening us with a lawsuit now, but..”

“Oh fuck that. No chance.” he says and she nods. Hard to imagine that she doesn’t even care about this possible lawsuit at all. There’s so many other things she cares about more in this moment. 

“Well, besides that. We reached out to Ana’s parents and… they’re in shock. They hate me. They disagreed to speak to me. And..” 

Taylor wants to continue speaking but the lump in her throat is growing to a size that makes it hard to breathe for her.

“I’m sure they don’t hate you.” he says, cannot stand seeing his girl cry all alone in this hotel bed, on the other side of the earth. He’s never been closer to jumping on the next plane there as he’s been right now. 

“Well, they’re in shock I assume. And they have every right to hate me. And then on top of all this the hotel is swarmed by people. They have basically taken the cars we took from the venue because my team covered the license plates. For safety. Literally to not get chased on the fucking high way. But no chance. So now, all we can do is just stay at this hotel and hope for tomorrow to be better and…”

She stops then, knows that she’s just been rambling for a while now. And as much as she hates to present this anxious and crying version of herself to Travis, she kind of feels a lot better all of the sudden. It felt good getting it off her chest. It felt good just telling somebody that she’s not doing well. A few last hiccups escape her mouth and she’s drying her face with her hands. Her eyes are puffy, red and swollen. But she doesn’t even care anymore. There’s so many worse things that can happen than looking like this.

“Oh Tay..” he says then. Doesn’t move from where he sits, just straight up looks at her through his phone. 

“Yup.” she just says, knowing damn well that no one knows what to say about this nightmare weekend. She feels bad all of the sudden to put all these heavy feelings on him, especially because he never asked her to.

“I’m sure every single person you spoke with tonight has said this to you before, but I’ll say it again.” he says then, a serious look on his face. She’s never witnessed him like this before and it definitely draws her attention even more to the screen than before. 

“None of this, was in your power. None of this.” he says, and she knows he means it. Taylor takes another deep shaky breath and looks back at him. She nods. Hearing him say these words almost makes it possible for her to believe them. 

“I know, you take pride in having control over things and organizing and planing things to a tee. But there’s always gonna be stuff out of your control, and sometimes things go horribly wrong. But that’s absolutely out of your control. I hope you know that, babe.”

She looks at him for a moment, doesn’t say anything. Then she nods. Why is it that she believes anything he says? 

“I know. It’s just…” she stops, feels new tears forming. For a moment, she’s collecting herself again. Travis can see what she’s doing. She’s trying to hold back her tears. He hates it. 

“Hey, it’s okay to cry sometimes. Don’t try to play it all cool with me. I hate when you do that.”

Taylor almost starts laughing through her tears, and so does Travis. 

“I just… I’m sure you had an exhausting day today as well and all we talk about is me again. And…”

“Shut up.” Travis interrupts her again, and Taylor just wipes her tears. 

“I had a boring day. All I was thinking about all day was you. I love you. I’m worried about you. Stop playing it cool with me. It’s okay to cry about this.”

Taylor doesn’t move. Her head is leaning against the velvet bed rest behind her. She looks awful and for a moment she doesn’t care because she can feel that he doesn’t. She nods. Tears still streaming down her face.

“I miss you. And... I love you, too.” 

It still feels weird knowing that these words escape her mouth as casually as they do, but it feels so good and so right. She loves him. He loves her. Unbelievably beautiful to travel the world with this knowingness in her heart and head.

Travis sighs deeply from where he is. He slowly sits up. The iPhone camera still right in front of his face. 

“Do you think I’d get in trouble if I call in sick tomorrow and coach Reid sees pictures of me sneaking into your hotel in Rio?” 

Taylor can’t help but laugh quietly. She knows he wants to be there for her. But she’s gonna be fine. Knowing that he’s there, in her life, just a call away, is enough for her to know that she’s gonna be fine. 

“Let’s not get you into any more trouble than you're already in now.” she says jokingly then, for the first time tonight there’s no tears coming down her cheeks. It’s been healing to see his face, to hear his voice. The calm after a storm. A warm hug after a horrible day. That's what this is for her. That's what he's been for her since the moment he walked into her life.

“Tay, I’m worried about you.” He says then, and she knows this time it’s him who’s becoming vulnerable. It feels ridiculously good to know he cares. Even though she’s almost embarrassed to have put him in this position. It’s all new between them, still. He’s never had to deal with her lows before. She never had to ask herself if this could be too much for him, as it has been for everyone before him. 

“Don’t be.” 

“No, I’m serious.” He says then. The look on his face is still gentle and kind but she knows he’s being serious about this.

“I don’t mean the fact that you’re upset or that your show is cancelled but I’m worried about your physical health and your safety. Have you had dinner yet?” 

“Baby, I know you’re worried and it’s so sweet but I can assure you that Tree and my team are taking care of me very well. There’s like five guys in front of my hotel room door right now, and..”

“Have you had dinner yet?” he asks again and she knows he knows. He’s been incredible when it comes to her sometimes problematic eating habits, ever since she told him about this topic. Never before did he ever comment on anything she’s done or hasn’t done in relation to food. But her collapsing backstage last night did something to him. It’s in his eyes, it’s in the way this question comes out of his mouth so firmly. He's scared. He cares.

“I’m still a bit nauseous from the heat and..”

“Did you get an IV?”

“I didn’t need one today. I didn’t perform. So..”

“You said it was incredibly hot in your dressing room? Didn’t you spend all day there? That's not the best way to spend a day before performing for three hours in the heat.”

“Yeah but it was fine. It’s just.. whenever it’s hot I can’t really eat much. So…”

“Baby, please make sure to eat something tonight and drink enough water. I also still think another IV before your show tomorrow would be a good idea.”

She takes a deep breath and nods. He’s right. He always is. But what she appreciates the most in this moment is the tone of his voice. He’s assertive. But he’s gentle. A combination that impressed her from the moment they met. 

“I know.” she just says. 

“I almost had a heart attack when your dad told me you passed out last night.” he says, and she sighs. She knows this incident scared him. She can’t blame him. If she were to ever get a call from his mom, telling her that he fainted on the other side of the world she would probably lose her damn mind. 

“It’s just… performing like that for three hours at 140 degree? It’s horrible.”

“I bet.” he says quickly. “And I’m so glad you cancelled tonight.” 

Taylor nods. Somehow, just hearing him say these things really calms her down slowly. 

“I miss you. I’m not dealing with it too well at the moment.” she says once more, and his mouth turns into this beautiful smile she loves so much. 

“Me too. It’s been so hard focusing on anything after Argentina. After seeing you perform, sleeping in one bed with you. Kissing you good morning. I could get used to that.” 

Taylor smiles instantly, and nods. He speaks her mind, once more.

“Can’t wait to see you next week. Even though I’ll miss Thanksgiving. It breaks my heart, but..”

“Hey, we’ll do our own little post-Thanksgiving dinner. Don’t worry about that.” 

“Trav?”

“Mhm?”

“Thanks for being there for me tonight. I feel so much calmer than I did half an hour ago.”

The man on the other side of the screen smiles at her once more. He’s so happy to be this person for her. He’s so happy to have this effect on her.

“See, that’s what I’ve been telling you all along. Whenever we speak, my day gets 99% better. Just after seeing that face.”

She giggles quietly. 

“How are you? How was practice?” she asks then, wishes she had asked him before earlier. She hates when it’s all about her. He knows that. 

“Was good. Nothing special happened. Just got home, ordered some food and might pop into Brit’s Thanksgiving dinner later tonight.”

“Oh my gosh, yes! How could I forget? Ugh I can’t believe I won’t be able to go. Give her a hug from me okay?”

Travis smiles and nods.

“Of course. I won’t stay long though because I have physiotherapy tomorrow super early.” he sighs and it makes Taylor smile. He usually doesn’t mind getting up early but he definitely does on a Sunday morning. 

“What are you doing now? Are you in your suite?” he asks and Taylor nods. Her tears have finally dried and she fixes the heavy bedsheets over her body. It’s really gotten cold in this room. At least here, the air conditioning works just fine. 

“Yup. It’s like.. eight I think. I’ll just go take a shower and watch some Netflix and that’s it.” she says, clearly not impressed by her plan of the evening now that she won’t play a show in front of thousands of people. 

“Order some food, baby. And dessert. Promise me.”

Taylor smiles slowly, then nods. He’s right. She needs some dessert tonight. 

“Thanks for being there for me.”

“Don’t ever thank me for this again. Of course I’m here for you.”

Taylor smiles, then gets closer to the screen and kisses her phone camera. He laughs quietly.

“Go take a shower now and call me when your dinner has arrived. We can eat together. My lunch should be here in a bit.” 

Taylor nods, sits upright for the first time tonight. That’s actually a better idea than for her to be crying alone watching some Netflix show.

“Sounds great.” She says, slowly gets up and makes her way to the bathroom. 

“I’ll call you in a bit. Okay?” 

“Okay.”

“I love you, baby.”

“Love you.”

A few moments later, Taylor steps out of the shower, dries her body with the soft white cotton towels at the end of the generous bathroom and quickly reaches for the robe on the hanger next to the bathroom door. She slowly covers her still damp body in the white fabric, then leaves the warm bathroom to step back to the main room of her suite. The cold air of the air conditioned room hits her gently. She weirdly can’t find the body lotion she brought. It must still be flying around in her suitcase. 

Taylor slowly crouches down, starts rummaging through her big suitcase. Why is she always so messy when it comes to packing? 

Suddenly, she gets startled by a knock on the door. One knock. Then another. For a second, she stands up. Just ensuring to wrap the fabric of the robe even tighter around her body than before. She slowly makes her way to the door of the suite, still barefoot. Her hair still in a bun from the body shower she just took. 

“Hello?” she asks carefully, can already hear Dustin from her team speaking. 

“Taylor? We have a delivery for you. Do you mind opening up?”

Once more, Taylor clutches onto the robe covering her naked body, making sure she's still fully covered. She carefully opens the door, finds two security men still standing right in front of the door. But to her surprise, Dustin is carrying something very big and very heavy in his arms. She’s confused. White paper covering the package.

“Do you mind if I…?”

Taylor realizes quickly that he needs to place the heavy delivery somewhere. She steps aside, lets him enter the suite. Dustin carefully places the package on the little side table next to the couch of the suite. 

“What’s.. what’s this?” 

“A delivery from the hotel. I was asked by Tree to bring it to you directly.” 

Taylor looks confused, just covers her mouth as Dustin proceeds to peel off the paper from the top of it. Behind the packaging, a massive bouquet of red roses becomes visible. It’s a ball of flowers. She’s never seen so many put so beautifully together. 

“Oh my god? What…”

“This is the card for you.” he says, smiles warmly at her and proceeds to leave the suite again. Taylor just remains standing there. The door falling into the lock, her robe still a little bit too big on her, both eyes on the beautiful roses in the middle of her living room. She quickly opens the envelops that Dustin just passed to her. For a moment she reads these printed words. Then she looks back at the flowers and smiles. The biggest smile she's smiled in days.

Because I’m always with you, even when you can’t see me. I’m so proud of you. 

I love you.

Travis

[aaronhotchnersworld]

aaron hotchner x bau female reader

I honestly didn’t like how I wrote my first oneshot, the one of y/n getting shot. I feel like I wrote it poorly so i’m going to try to write it again and just change up a few things

—

Stay with me

We are in Ohio for a case.

We just found the location of the unsub, after 2 weeks. Well actually unsubs. plural. The unsub has a whole team of people working for him. We don’t know how many they have but there are 7 of us, Aaron, Emily, JJ, Spencer, Derek, David and me.

We all quickly put on our bullets proof vests before heading to the suv’s. I got into an suv with Hotch and Prentiss.

We all arrive at the abandoned building, it is huge. Due to the fact it’s so big we all have to split up.

As soon as we enter the building, gunshots come flying our way.

We all quickly duck down and begin firing back. They all begin running in opposite directions.

It’s exactly what they want, for us to split up.

I turn and run in the direction I just saw one of them run. He turns and shoots at me, barely missing me.

He runs out the doors and I quickly run out after him.

All of a sudden, I hear a gunshot, and I fall onto the pavement.

Was I just shot?!

I feel the blood start to pour out of me as I become cold. I cant move, no matter how hard I try.

I can feel myself being surrounded in a pool of my own blood.

I can’t tell if i’ve been laying here for 10 seconds or 20 minutes. My eyes are so heavy, but I know if I close them now there’s a chance I won’t open them again.

I hear someone say my name.

Next thing I know, Hotch is kneeling down next to me putting pressure onto my side.

It’s bad. I know it is.

Tears roll down my cheeks.

“you’re going to be okay y/n. It’s okay,” He says but I can hear the panic in his voice.

I just look at him.

I’ve never seen his face like that before, the pure panic. He always manages to keep a straight face, even when dealing with the most horrible criminals.

But I can see it in his eyes that he is scared.

Tears continue to roll down my cheeks and he wipes them away with one hand while his other hand is on my side.

“it’s okay you’re okay,” he reassures me.

My eyelids become even heavier and begin closing.

“keep them open”

I open them again. I think Hotch has tears in his eyes.

“H- Hotch,” I say but he’s screaming for someone to get a medic.

I begin to choke on my blood and he quickly turns me on my side.

“Aaron,” I try to say but it comes out as a whisper.

“it’s okay I got you y/n. you are going to be okay”

I can tell he doesn’t even believe the words coming out of his mouth.

I can feel my body shaking. I can’t control it and i’m so cold.

“i- im cold.”

“i know, it’s cold out here but it’s okay you’re gonna be okay,” he says but I can sense the worry in his voice.

I can feel his shaky hands and he so desperately try’s to stop the bleeding coming out of me.

I wasn’t cold before. He knows it’s not a good sign.

My life begins to flash before my eyes.

I remember everything.

I remember how happy I was when I got accepted into the fbi.

I remember when I first started at the bau 7 years ago and how much I have grown to love everyone on the team.

I quickly snap back to reality as Hotch applies more pressure.

I can definitely see the tears in his eyes now.

I’m not ready to die. I can’t die.

“aaron”

He looks at me and I see a tear fall from his eye. I never used him first name, unless something was wrong.

“i- im not ready to die. please don’t let me die,” I practically beg him.

“you are not going to die. I got you. You will be okay y/n,” He says, I can hear his voice crack.

“please just stay with me,” He says desperately.

“i’m scared,” I manage to get out. I’m terrified and I know he is too.

“I know. It’s okay I got you and i’m not going anywhere I promise. you’re gonna be okay,” He says fearfully.

There’s only so much he can do for me. He’s not a paramedic, he’s an fbi agent, a very talented one but he only knows so much when it comes to gun shot wounds.

My eyes become even heavier and my breathing is extremely shallow.

“you need to stay with me okay? you are one of the strongest people I have ever met. Keep your eyes open.”

He’s trying to be strong for me. But I can tell he’s just as scared as me.

I need to tell him. just in case I don’t make it. He needs to know.

“if- if i don’t make it-”

He cuts me off as tears stream down both his and my face. “you are going to be okay”

“aaron please”

He just looks at me

“I- I love you,” I say.

I hear him let out a sob. “I love you too y/n I always have. Keep those eyes open. Please.”

He’s covered in blood. my blood. It’s so much blood.

I knew the risk when joining the bau. the risk that I could die. But I never thought it would actually happen to me.

The pain begins to go away and I start to feel numb.

“i- im n- not in p- pain,” I say choking on my blood.

I didn’t think any more look of panic could appear on his face but it did as soon as I said that.

I should be in pain. I know i’m slowly dying and he knows that too.

“The ambulance should be here any minute. Just keep those eyes open alittle longer,” He says as tears trickled down his cheeks.

I try my best. But I don’t think I can.

“i- im sorry,” I say as my breathing becomes even shallower and my eyes close.

The last thing I remember is Aaron begging for me to open my eyes and stay with him.

———

I don’t take my eyes off of her. I keep pressure on her side.

Her lips and fingers are turning blue.

Tears continue to slip from eyes. where the fuck is the ambulance?

I hear sirens in the background but i’m too focused on y/n to comprehend anything. I can’t lose her. I just can’t.

“aaron the ambulance is here,” derek says as they rush over.

They quickly take her from me and put her on the gurney.

“if we don’t leave now she won’t have a chance. i’m sorry but unfortunately no one can ride with us. There is too much work that needs done.” and then they leave.

“how the hell did this happen?” I cry out.

“I don’t know but I shot the son of a bitch that did this to her,” derek says and I can hear the anger and fear in his voice.

I look down at where she was. There’s so much blood. too much blood. I’m covered in blood. the grounds covered in blood. y/n was covered in blood.

“we need to go to the hospital now,” I say.

“You’re not driving aaron, I am.”

“no i am driving”

“you are not in the right mindset to drive, give me the keys so we can go,” derek tells me.

I give them to him.

We all gather into the multiple suv’s and make our way to the hospital. She has to be okay. I need her.

———

“how is she,” I immediately ask as I see the doctor. The rest of the team stands aswell.

“She lost a lot of blood. It was touch and go for awhile. Her body is too unstable so we had to put her into a medically induced coma, it will give her body time to heal. She will be in a lot of pain after due to the bullet, it did alot of damage, more than we originally thought. She will be okay and you guys can visit her if you’d like. She should wake up within the next day or two,” the doctor states.

Relief rushed over me. She’s going to be okay. Thank god. I feel tears fall from my eyes and I don’t even bother to hide them.

The doctor shows us to y/n’s room. She looks so peaceful. I feel terrible. She didn’t deserve this.

———

It takes a lot for me to open my eyes but I do it. so many bright lights. Is there a tube in my throat? oh my god i can’t breath. I need to get this out. I begin to thrash and grab the tube when 2 large hands pull my hands away.

“no no no don’t take it okay the doctors coming y/n it’s okay you’re okay”

I calm down at the sight of Aaron.

A doctor rushes in to take the tube out of my throat.

“y/n, glad to see you’re awake, i’m Doctor Stone”

“are you in any pain,” he asks.

I nod.

He puts something in my iv, asks me a few more questions before leaving. I could barely answer him. I’m so exhausted.

Aaron has been here the whole time but the team gathers in here as soon as the doctor walks about.

It’s dark outside, I didn’t realize it was 3am. The team stays for about 30 minutes before saying their goodbyes.

Aaron is still here.

“are you staying,” you ask him softly.

“I was planning on it, are you okay with that,”

“yes”

This is the first time you’ve gotten to be alone with him since you woke up.

“how are you feeling,” he asks softly as his hand lays on top of your.

“terrible,” you tell him honestly.

He frowns.

“do you need anything?”

you hesitate to answer.

“it’s okay,” he tells you.

“i- im scared aaron. can you just hug me please?” you plead as tears fall from your eyes.

He doesn’t hesitate to move closer to you and engulf you in a gentle hug. “it’s okay you’re safe now,” he whispers to you.

“you should get some rest,” he says as he pulls away.

“i’m not tired”

“you do realize i’m a profiler, you can’t fool me,” he says and I smile.

“you look like you haven’t slept aaron”

“if you get some rest, so will I”

“deal,” you say.

he shuts the light out and leaves on the little lamp next to your bed and makes his way to the couch.

I try to fall asleep but I can’t. I’m in pain and i’m just scared.

fuck.

“why aren’t you sleeping,” you hear aaron say.

“why aren’t you,” I reply.

“y/n,” he says as he gets up and sits in the chair right next to me.

“i just- my mind keeps racing. what if I died? What if you never found me? what if you found me dead? I don’t want to put you and Jack through that,” I say as my voice cracks.

He takes my hand into his.

“listen to me, you are okay. You don’t have to worry about what might have happened because I found you. You are okay y/n/n. Nothing is going to happen.”

I just smile at him.

“now come on, try and get some rest. i’ll stay right here until you fall asleep.”

“you don’t have to do that aar”

“i want too,” he says as he strokes my hand.

My eyes become heavy and I quickly fall asleep knowing he is there.

———

It’s been 10 days and i’m finally being discharged. Aaron and I were still in Ohio and the rest of the team left to go home yesterday.

“are you ready to go?”

“yes,” I tell aaron.

He helps walk me outside. I can walk, it’s just very painful to do so.

“you stay here, i’m gonna get the car,” he says as he smiles at me.

———

We’ve been driving for about 2 hours.

“how much longer?”

“we still have about 5 hours”

I sigh, “i’m sorry you have to drive all the way back just because I got hurt”

“dont even worry about it y/n. I don’t mind, really. I enjoy spending time with you. I’ve been thinking, the doctor doesn’t want you to be alone. Do you want to stay with Jack and I?”

“I’d love too but I don’t want to intrude,” I say softly.

“you could never intrude y/n and I know Jack would love to see you.”

I smile. I love Jack. “thank you aaron.”

I lean against the window and close my eyes, letting sleep take over.

———

The next time I wake up, I feel Aarons suit jacket on me. It smells just like him.

“We are about 20 minutes away from my place, do you wanna stop at your place for anything first,” he softly asked.

“no i have everything in my bag.”

It was currently 3am and we just arrived at Aaron’s house. As I get out of the car, I lean over in pain.

Aaron rushes over and puts his hand on my back.

“are you okay? what hurts?” he asked urgently.

I just nod my head.

he grabs both of our bags and helps me into the house and guides me to the bedroom.

“you can sleep in here y/n, i’ll stay on the couch”

“no no no please I don’t want to take your bed.”

“y/n it’s okay I don’t mind.”

“I- I don’t really want to sleep alone,” I whisper feeling ashamed.

He sits next to me on the bed and grabs my hand.

“okay that’s okay, i’ll stay in here with you, okay?”

I nod as a tear falls from my eye.

He gently wipes it away.

“let’s go to sleep,” he softly says. He helps me get under the covers. It’s very painful.

I wince in pain.

“I know i’m sorry,” he says sympathetically.

He goes over and shuts off the light and gets under the covers with me.

“Can I move closer to you,” I ask quietly.

I don’t think he wants me to move because he moved closer to me.

I lay my head on his chest and he strokes my hair.

“I like you Aaron, a lot,” I admit.

“and I like you even more,” he says as he kisses my forehead.

“go to sleep y/n” he whispers in my ear

———

I wake up to noise coming from the kitchen. I realize Aarons not in bed anymore. I try to get up, but immediately wince in pain.

Aaron walks into the room and rushes over to me, “hey hey hey what are you doing?”

He helps me up and guides me into the living room, letting me sit on the coach. “Y/N,” I hear. Jack. He runs over to me and gives me a hug. “Hi buddy,” I say as I giggle.

“I hope you feel better,” he says softly.

“thank you jack.”

“why don’t you go get it for her Jack,” aaron says to Jack.

i’m confused. What is he talking about?

Jack comes running back with breakfast for me.

“Daddy and I made you breakfast,” he says excitedly.

“Thank you both so much I appreciate it,” I tell them with a smile on my face.

Aaron sits down next to me while Jack walks to the bathroom.

“you guys didn’t have to do all this for me,” I tell him.

“yes we did. You’re hurt and you need to fuel your body to get better.”

“Thank you Aaron,” I say and lean my head on his shoulder.

He kisses my forehead.

“I will always be here for you y/n and so will Jack. You two are the most important to me.”

I smile as he says that.

“Once you get better, i’m gonna take you out on a date, how would you feel about that,” he asks with a smile.

“I would love that,” I say with a big smile on my face.

[lotties-ashwagandha]

POLAROIDS

pairing: lottie matthews x fem!reader

word count: 705

notes: this ended rlly abruptly and is short but ive been sick and im on my period so im a bit out of it rn . also not proofread

summary: you find old pictures of you and lottie when you were in high school, and she reminds you of how bad you played the long game with her. requested by @may-z3 <333

You sat on the floor, next to where the spilled pile of pictures laid, and dug through them. There were years worth of them, most of them random shots you’d taken during Lottie’s soccer games but many of them also pictures with each other that you’d made Shauna and Jackie take during sleepovers or when you went out for pizza after games. There were also a few candids of Lottie that you’d snuck, and looking back at them you resisted a laugh — if only you’d known then that all these years later you’d still be with her, that you would wake up with her every morning and go to bed with her each night.

There were even a few pictures of the two of you post-crash. There were less of them than the ones before, and it was obvious how much the two of you had been struggling when you took them, but they were beautiful nonetheless.

A knock at the open door caught your attention, and you turned to see Lottie leaning against the doorframe, watching you with a soft smile. She was radiant, as she always was, clad in her dark blue caftan, her dark hair hanging over her shoulders and down her back in heavenly waves.

“What are you looking at?” She asked, her voice like honey as she approached you and sat on her knees on the floor at your side.

“I was trying to clean the closet for once, and all of these fell out,” you said, and handed her a few pictures of the two of you by the field at one of her soccer games. “Most of them are before the crash, and they’re so…” you trailed off, nostalgia overcoming you, and you reached for her hand.

Lottie picked up another picture and giggled, and when you reached for it she hid it to her chest, shaking her head. “No, you can’t have this one.”

“Why not? What is it?”

“I took it,” she said, but she wouldn’t provide any explanation.

“Lottie,” you asked suspiciously, failing to suppress a smile, “what is the picture?”

She didn’t respond, and your jaw dropped.

“Is it dirty?” You asked, and her eyes widened.

“No!” She urged, shaking her head. “God, your mind is horrible, no, it’s not dirty. I got pissed at you one night when we were at a sleepover at Shauna’s and I… I painted your face while you were asleep. Just a little. But then Lara Lee made me take it off.”

“What the fuck?” You asked, your tone light, and you snatched the picture. In it you were laying in a sleeping bag in Shauna’s room, and the words I LOVE STINKY ASSHOLES had been painted on your face in what appeared to be red lipstick. “Oh my god,” you breathed, not sure whether you were going to laugh or cry, and beside you Lottie turned red.

“I was mad because you weren’t going to prom, and I didn’t have the courage to ask you to go with me,” Lottie explained, her embarrassment obvious. “But in my defense, I was getting incredibly mixed signals with you long gaming me.”

“Oh, I was not long gaming you!” You laughed, shaking your head. “I was just terrified that you’d reject me.”

She gave you a dubious look, raising her eyebrows. “It’s the same thing.”

“In any case, I won in the end,” you said. “So even if I was playing the long game with you, it worked out pretty well.”

“Don’t make me paint your face again in your sleep.”

“I feel like that’s an empty threat,” you decided, handing her back the picture of you with your face painted. “You can keep that picture, though, if you want to reflect on your past victory.”

“Oh, I’ll be framing it,” she smirked. “I’ll put it on the dresser so you can see it every morning.”