#like i was literally watching the most intense drama every night and then wake up realising it was a complete bullshit

[eilraee]

I think forgetting about dream studio in the second film was a mistake. It has so much potential!

[peeterparkr]

perennial;tom holland|seven.

chapter seven: yellow roses

↳ flower meaning: jealousy, infidelity, apology, broken heart, intense emotion, dying love, extreme betrayal

Pick one. 

chapter summary: dried flowers on walls and ‘dirty’ dancing

pairing: tom holland x y/n

warnings: angsty? just a bit,  fluffy, mentions of sex 

word count: 8.1k

SOCIAL MEDIA BEFORE THE CHAPTER:

masterlist & profiles   six:  in which y/n wakes up and Tom doesn’t. 

previous chapter next chapter   perennial masterlist.

perfidy  ( series masterlist)

wanna be tagged?

Tags aren’t working so yeah. Sorry for posting late. I am too busy with school, and my job and  life and yeah so I hope you enjoy it. 

Tom woke up alone. He thought he wouldn’t, for the first time in months he thought he’d finally wake up by her side, kiss her cheek, pull her close to him and nuzzle into her hair as he asked for five more minutes of sleep.  He hadn’t, and that had bothered him, just a little. 

No, it had bothered him a lot. To wake up alone when you expect not to, hurts. So damn much. Because he didn’t know the reason for it now. 

Of course, she probably hadn’t run away, he thought. Maybe she’d woken up early to get her morning tea, or maybe she was making breakfast or whatever y/n did now. Did he still know her? Did he know her routine? 

He knew she had changed. He had expected her to, of course. He had, too. In a good way. Well that was what he thought or liked to believe apparently. 

He wondered why she had never called, not once. He thought about doing it, several times. Had it ever crossed her mind? To call him? Because it had crossed his mind, every day. 

Of course, his friends had stopped him from doing it, and Harry, Harry had stopped him from doing it. 

“I want to call her,” Tom had stated once. 

“Don’t, she did this to give you some freedom, so you could heal.”

Freedom that turned into severe loneliness. Tom had never really experienced it, and though he was not alone, he had felt lonely. Sometimes he couldn’t quite understand why, it’s not like before they dated they were that close. 

Or were they? And had Tom never truly acknowledged how important to each other they were? Because of course he knew she was important but he hadn’t realized how much she had influenced his life. 

For better or for worse, that is. Not always the brightest side. But… she was there. And for those months, she disappeared. And it wasn’t like when she had disappeared after that club night. At that time, Tom had tried to reach out, subtly. 

Had she felt this way? This heart-clenching way? Tom didn’t understand why he had felt so lonely. How they’d gone out to bars, and the music didn’t cheer him up, how he had walked through the crowded streets but not a single person seemed to notice. How his friends would laugh but he couldn’t even get the joke. 

He missed her. Because she’d always been there, one way or another. 

And now she wasn’t there by his side to kiss him good morning, she wasn’t there to run her hands through his hair while she gave him a shy smile, and the sun was pooling her whole bed, and thought it was warm, Tom still felt cold and like a stranger in that bedroom. Bedroom that he hadn’t stopped to take a glance at.

He knew y/n was so dramatic and chaotic and always, always, always made everything for the aesthetic and for her big drama show. Her room was her set, he knew, the place where her secrets hid. 

He wondered what had happened to Tim’s box, and it was nowhere to be found. There was no box in sight. The Polaroids weren’t the usual y/n Polaroids. She had some with James, and her parents. But most of them were from different places. 

He could see some Polaroids from New York, even one from Rome but most of them were new. Most of them had flowers. 

That was her latest theme, it seemed. Flowers. Flowers taped to her wall, flowers in her nightstand, near the small mirror. Flowers. 

Which seemed so very like her, Tom thought. He saw her  dried flowers and they seemed oddly familiar but he couldn’t quite figure out where from. 

He continued scanning her room, it made him happy there was absolutely no trace of Timmy in that room. There was no sight of Tom, either, whatsoever. 

Well, maybe there was. Because there were pictures of New York, of Rome. Not sight of him but it was subtle. Very subtle. He saw the vinyl he gave her about a year ago on her birthday. Which made him think. Just a year ago, Tim had planned the perfect party for y/n. A year ago, Tom thought he had lost his chance with y/n, for good. A year ago, Tim had been the one that made y/n: “The one that got away.” Of course, not now, but it seemed that Tim really had been y/n’s endgame. Of course, Tom didn’t believe that now. But he was still not fond of the fact that his… that y/n was sleeping next to that man, literally, since their rooms were just right by the other. 

That pissed him off. He wasn’t sure why it bothered him so much if he was sure y/n loved him. But thinking about it just… bothered him. 

Tom had felt so lonely. So lonely and he had needed her so badly. And waking up without her one more time hurt. But he knew she probably was out there, making breakfast, or working on something, maybe gushing to Emma what had happened. 

He couldn’t think of why she hadn’t been there. That wasn’t really her thing, he knew, at least in New York she always waited until he woke up too. But he was probably overthinking. That was something Tom had learned while being apart. He had never really dealt with it, but he guessed that was what broken hearts do, they change you. 

And he’d never dealt a heartbreak like that one before, not that harsh. Maybe that was why he felt lonely again in her bed. 

This breakup had felt like it had been for good. He hadn’t told her about that, and they probably still had to talk about it, but Tom had really felt he had lost her forever. Because they were hurt, because they were apart, and because their life had taken different paths. Because everything was different. But then he had the night before as the sole proof they had both missed the other. 

He sat up and rubbed his face. Not wanting to deal with it, trying to get that thought out of his mind. So impossibly stuck there. But he was there now, right? But there was a lot they had to talk about, and maybe sleeping together could have been a setback. Except, he really thought it wasn’t, because it wasn’t sex. Yes, of course, it was passionate and hot and Tom probably wanted to repeat it. But it was intimate and their connection was still there. He knew it wasn’t having sex for the sake of sex. Though both of them had been desperate for it, he knew it wasn’t about the sex. It was more than that, so desperate, longing to touch the other as if there was a magnet pulling them together, bodies glued to each other as hearts synchronized in a sole emotion, fast heartbeats combined with short breaths and the sound of their names over and over again. And then so calm, and quiet, and tender, heartbeats getting steadier, 

Nobody said it would be easy, and Tom was well aware it wouldn’t be. Not for now because there were still secrets waiting to come out, and conversations waiting to be heard, and tears ready to be shed. He wished he could skip to the part where they were happy, if that part was ever to be reached. And though it wasn’t simple, it was something that he aspired. 

Though it was crooked, and he didn’t want to go there again. Not repeat the same mistakes they’ve done before. And so far it looked that way, from enemies who had to apologize, and who barely talked to desperately trying to hook up. He didn’t want to repeat history. 

They needed a new one, one that didn’t end in a heartbreak. Not their heartbreak, at least. 

He tried to look up for his clothes, his shirt was nowhere in sight. Though he probably knew who was wearing it. He knew y/n had a thing for wearing his clothes. He didn’t mind, he possibly couldn’t mind. 

He walked out of the room, shirtless as he sneaked out of y/n’s room, he didn’t see her right as he came out, so he walked to the kitchen, she wasn’t there, and not on the couch. Her apartment was small, so it rubbed the wrong idea on him. Had she left? 

And then he saw her walk out of what Tom assumed was Emma’s room. Or so he hoped it was her room. 

Emma locked the door right after y/n had walked out. 

“Very mature, Emma, very mature,” y/n whispered, rolling her eyes. 

“What do you know, y/n? You also did something stupid.”  Emma yelled from the other side of the room. 

“At least I accept it,” y/n yelled back. 

Tom chuckled slightly and awkwardly as he saw her, standing there against the door, wearing his t-shirt just like he had expected her to. 

Y/N finally turned around to see him, she blushed instantly. 

“Oh, hi,” she said softly, a smile spreading on her face. 

“Morning,” Tom answered walking over. 

She seemed nervous, embarrassed as she shuffled her feet, watching him. “Did you sleep well?” 

He had, for that matter. For the first time in months he’d finally slept peacefully. He had slept, for that matter. Not once had he woken up in the middle of the night to stare at the moon. So dramatic and melancholic but he couldn’t help it. 

He wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her close to him. “Hm,” he smiled, glance going up from her eyes to her lips. “Thought I wouldn’t wake up alone for the first time in months.” 

She avoided his gaze. “Sorry, Emma—made some noise and woke me up and—“

“And you did something stupid,” Tom pointed out. “I can only assume I am stupid in that equation.” 

“Don’t be so harsh on yourself,” she smirked. “You’re stupid in every equation.” 

He laughed, and then leaned over to kiss her cheek. 

She smiled, as his lips continued to pepper her face with small and soft kisses. 

“Tommy,” she whispered. 

“Hm?” He travelled down to her neck.

“Stop,” she giggled. 

He sighed as he stopped. “Hm, it’s only fair if you’re wearing my t-shirt.” 

“I—It was the first thing I found.” 

“In your room?” He pushed, laughing, 

She blushed looking away. “Yes, all my clothes disappeared,” she stated, walking her fingers through his chest. 

“How awfully convenient,” he smirked. She looked up at him and locked her eyes with his. As if both of them knew they had to talk and were avoiding it. Tom felt naked. And not for the fact that he was technically half naked and he was shivering each time her fingers brushed against him. He felt completely like his true self, he didn’t have to hide anything, but then again… they were alone. Even if Emma was on the other side of the door, they were alone. 

“You’re doing it again,” y/n mumbled looking away.

Tom laughed with confusion. “What am I possibly doing?”

“Last night you gave me those same eyes and look where we ended up,” she pointed out. 

He coughed, “Then with more reason I’m not stopping,” he smirked and finally pulled her close enough to kiss her. He felt her smile against the kiss. He pulled her and clumsily made his way back to y/n’s room, crashing against walls and furniture on their way. 

Tom quickly closed the door and slammed her against the wall as he kissed his way down her neck 

“Tom no wait—“she said. 

“Hm, need a cold shower again?” He asked. 

But she was pushing him away. “No, no, Tommy.” 

He sighed, still pressing soft clumsy kisses behind her ear. 

“Tom, no, really—We—“she sighed. 

“What?” He asked, lips brushing against her jawline. She closed her eyes and sighed heavily. “I was supposed to be angry at you,” she sounded disappointed at herself. 

He finally pulled away. “Hm why?”

“Because you’re an idiot,” she whispered. It seemed like she was trying to get back into her senses, yet she still hadn’t let him go.

“I am,” Tom admitted. “But—what does that have to do with anything?” 

She gulped. “Tom—we, we have to talk about it,” she sighed. “We can’t—“

“I know, we can’t keep avoiding it,” he bit his lip. “But maybe just— a few more minutes and we can talk about it on set,” he begged as he pushed her hair back. 

“No,” she finally managed to get out of his grip. “No, no… no.” 

“Fine, no then,” Tom watched her sit down on her bed. 

“You shouldn’t be doing my script,” she stated, avoiding his gaze. 

He rushed to sit down, taking her hands. “No, hey—But hey I want to, I really want to make something incredibly cool—“

“You don’t even direct,” she pointed out and watched him. 

“I—Look, it’s my first time…. But Harry does, and I have vision and I am part of the story.” He took her hand.

“Tommy,” she whispered. 

“Y/N.”

“And I know this kind of thinking brought us to our doom but I can’t—what if something  bad happens?” She asked him. “you know Tom and y/n type of bad, our own particular way of screwing things up.” 

“It won’t happen.”

“But if it does?” She questioned. “And you try to get back at me with the script?”

“I promise I won’t.” 

“But you really have to promise it,” she pleaded. 

“I promise y/n.” 

She pulled her hand away from him and stood up, running her hands through her hair, stressed enough. 

“No, you don’t understand Tom, this is my dream,”she sounded stressed. “this is the biggest dream I’ve ever had and I finally got a shot and I… I guess I forgot about it last night because I… Because…”she stared at him again. “I—Because I’m an idiot…. and I was blinded by the moment, but I never really—“she gulped.”I need you to understand this, you can fuck me up, if you hate me, like I don’t know, okay? But don’t fuck up my dreams, if this is your plan, if it-“

“No,” he stopped her. “Y/N—“

“No, no, listen to me,” she seemed stressed. “I don’t care if—You, whatever happened in the last few months,” she sounded hurt now. “Whatever happened or…” 

The last few months? Tom was confused by that statement, whatever did she mean…. 

“Whatever happens… Just don’t fuck my script up, please. It’s my dream, and if you—“

“Y/N, I wouldn’t do that.” 

It hurt that she still believed Tom was only a weapon designed to destroy her. 

“No, I know, I know,” she cleared her throat. “I’m—sorry, I—It’s… we still have a lot going on.” 

Tom was angry then. Was she the one supposed to be angry? Wasn’t he the one supposed to doubt her? Because he didn’t. 

Not entirely. Only… he understood she did have some reason to be upset about the script. Though he wasn’t sure how to tell her that he stupidly thought it would be his way of making their paths cross again. He knew their breakup had been hard enough to deal with and adding being apart and going different ways wouldn’t help. So his stupid mind decided to make their ways cross. Though he thought he hadn’t had a chance for it, but—He found it so easily. And if he hadn’t called he was scared nobody else would. The project was risky and different and not—not something people would like to dive into. Less if she was a debut writer. 

But Tom didn’t want to tell her that. That had he not offered to be a director, there was barely any possibility of having it. He wouldn’t ruin it, no. Less now that he had actually had the chance to read the wonderful script she’d written. 

He’d judged it. Yes, the first pages were harsh to him but then—Then he realized it, the character growth, the development and the story and how, like y/n had said in her letter, they were supposed to fall in love. 

Though at times one may think that y/n—Valerie was supposed to end up with someone else, she couldn’t. It was Valerie and William. Tom and y/n.

“We’re not ready, Tom,” she whispered again. “And I know, how dare me to set back when I was the one to ask you to stay and the one to…” She cleared her throat.”To walk in the shower with you.” 

“Yeah, but it’s… It doesn’t mean we have to either take a step forward or backwards,” Tom said. “I don’t think-” 

“I know, I’m not saying not to acknowledge it, I mean,” she took a deep breath. “I mean what happened last night is just like our confirmation that yes, we still have… Well I still have feelings for you.” 

“And I have feelings for you.” 

“But,” she gulped. “I don’t think this whole… ‘Let’s make out and forget about it’ thing will work,” she pointed out. “We—look, I—Although I may be… although I am acting this way there’s a lot of things we need to talk about.” 

“I know.” 

“But…” 

Tom frowned. “But?” 

“Whatever happens while we are working on anything related to Dos a Dos we won’t give in okay? Not for good or bad,” she stated. 

“Alright.” 

“I’m talking about being strictly professional,” she continued. 

“Okay.” 

“No fighting,” she sounded cold. 

“I know.” 

“And also,” she coughed. “No flirting.” 

Tom chuckled. “Hm that’s gonna be hard.” 

She sighed. “So where are we going to go from this?” 

Tom stayed quiet. It was harder than he thought it would be. He hadn’t healed, not completely. Maybe he hadn’t realized it until then, how he had avoided his pain just to be with her, and now that they were standing on that point, he didn’t know where to go. Why was this so incredibly complicated? 

He looked around the room and stared at the flowers taped to her wall again, too familiar but he still didn’t get where from. Maybe the flowers only reminded him of y/n. 

“Where do we want to go from this?” Tom asked. 

“I don’t know,” she gulped. “And do we want to go together?” 

Tom looked at her again. “I… well, I… I hope? Or… don’t you want it?” 

Y/N nodded. “Yeah it’s just.” 

He feared whatever her next sentence would be. 

“It sounds,” she looked down. “It sounds like a whim but… And it sounds illogical, doesn’t it? You and I, how after everything we’re still willing to try it. We’re too stupid, and…” She chuckled dryly. “And you know, I’m crazy, and you’re… Too stubborn,” she gulped. “And I don’t know if I want it, you know? For us to fall down another time, and let our pride and our immaturity win over us again, you know? I don’t think either of us can afford another heartbreak.” 

Tom knew she was right. 

“It seems like we are sentenced to fail,” she sighed. “But then again I know that if we don’t try it, I won’t be able to…” She squinted and chuckled. “Dunno, but I know that if I dared to ask you, neither of us would be able to move on, right?” 

“I know I wouldn’t.” 

“And I know I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night, and no cold showers would help to cool us down,” she conceited, making Tom chuckle, “and though it might be a mistake, it might be the best mistake I am willing to make.” 

Tom smiled, slightly and sadly. “Yeah,” he gulped. “And if we don’t I’ll be glued to the phone waiting for your call or trying to stop myself from calling you, but end up doing it anyway.” 

“That’s our problem, we’re always waiting for each other to make the first step and then we do take it, we both get scared,” she explained. “And though it makes no sense, and I really wished we both could either say yes or no, we both know it’s not simple.” 

“No,” He gulped. “But maybe it does have some logic to it.” 

“Hm?” 

“You and I, I mean,” he gulped. “I mean, no matter how hard we try, I’m always drawn back to you, and no matter how hard we’ve… I mean you always end up haunting my dreams.” 

“Haunting.” 

“Like a ghost,” he chuckled. “And though it makes no sense, I still feel that whole stupid and cliché thing, my heart beats the same way as yours.” 

“You’re so cheesy,” she blushed. 

He leaned to kiss her cheek. “I know, it’s disgusting.” 

She laughed. “Yes, you’re only giving me reasons to bully you.” 

“But I actually,” he smirked. “Those aren’t my words. I must admit I plagiarized them.” 

Y/N blinked watching him. “What?” 

“Well, not really, but I did,” he chuckled. “But I do remember a certain Valerie saying it, ‘my heart beats to the same rhythm as Will and maybe that’s why I can’t stay away from him’” 

Y/N instantly blushed. “Yeah, uh,” she coughed. “Yeah...Did she say that? Did-” She cleared her throat. 

“Oh, yes she did, she very much did and I’m not cutting that off the script,” he teased. “It’s-” 

“No,” she shook her head. “I--no” 

“Why are you embarrassed?” 

She chuckled. “Because it’s too cheesy.” 

“Please, y/n, we’ve all known you’re cheesy, I mean the whole boxes things, the songs, the magical moments, I mean the polaroids, please y/n all you is cheesy but with class and aesthetic, just look around your room, that vinyl over there…  the flowers hanging on your wall which-” Tom stopped. He realized it. Where he knew the dried flowers from. He knew exactly why they were so familiar. Tim’s instagram. He remembered the picture and the quote: ‘Morning Bloom’.  He gulped.

“Yeah, I know, I’m cheesy,” Y/N chuckled. 

But Tom barely heard her, he felt it. And… It could mean nothing. It could be nothing, of course. Tim loved photography and aesthetics and… It didn’t have to mean anything. It couldn’t, could it? But why had he been in her room? Was there a reason? He hated this. He felt a stab through his heart. It had to mean nothing. Right? He guessed he had to see how y/n reacted about it. It could be an old picture. But… it seemed to be the same flowers, but maybe y/n liked those and always changed them. 

He had to ask about it, he knew but not right now. He didn’t want to have that answer just yet. But he needed the answer, and he wouldn’t be able to continue but of course, ruining that moment and pull a ‘Tom’ and walk out angrily and not explain anything to her would be stupid. He wasn’t going to make the same mistakes. But god, he wanted to. Fucking Tim. Of course now he thought the picture was probably a way to shove it on Tom’s face. But… 

“Tom?” She asked again, getting him out of his trance. 

He blinked. “Huh? Yeah.. Yeah.” He gulped. “What?” 

“I… asked if you were hungry?” 

“Ah, yeah, right. Yeah.” 

But he wasn’t, not after that sudden realization. 

Emma, two rooms away from there, felt stupid. The night before had been so blurry. And she hadn’t really realized how much seeing Harry hurt her. Y/N had tried to understand the situation. How did you get to sleep with Josh? 

Emma didn’t know, for that matter. How and what had led to that? Completely clueless. Of course Josh was attractive and he hadn’t hesitated on throwing his shot, especially because he’d probably been oblivious to the obvious tension Emma felt around Harry. Maybe Josh had chosen to ignore it. He had pointed out the tension between Tom and y/n, though. 

“This is weird, but do you guys know each other?” Josh had asked. “Or did y/n/n and Tom know each other?” 

“What gave it away?” Harry had laughed. 

“Oh, you know, the fact they went from undressing each other with a glance and then trying not to cry every time they had any eye contact.” 

But what about Harry and Emma? 

One of Emma’s strengths was hiding her real feelings. She was so good at avoiding it. Probably because she wanted everyone to believe she was a tough bitch who had her life in control. Even if she was tearing apart. 

Like she was the night before. That nerve wrecking heartache she was feeling all night each time she managed to look at Harry. She tried not to. Not a single word directed to him. 

Emma was hurt. 

Sometimes it bothered her that nobody could see how much she was drowning, as if she was seen just as a casualty from Tom and y/n. Everybody liked to forget she was hurting too. Not y/n, though. Y/N tried to get her to talk, and to talk about her feelings, and to mourn about it. She didn’t.

She couldn’t. 

Only person she had been able to open up completely to was Harry, and we know how that ended. Emma was struggling because she really wished she could be like y/n, so forgiving or so stupid. Stupid enough to sleep with Tom and forget her sorrow, that is. 

But Harry and her worked differently. Harry and her were talkers. Tom and y/n, according to y/n, barely liked to talk. Or that’s what y/n had said, in their short relationship, apparently, they were more...physical. And it seemed they still were. 

Emma was nobody to tell y/n what she couldn’t or could do. And Emma had known that y/n would end up sleeping with Tom the moment she saw them hold hands during the movies. 

Emma knew Tom was more about actions, for god’s sake no matter how stupid he was, he at least had already tried to talk to y/n, he had searched for her and he had, stupidly, of course, invited himself to the movies with them. Tom wasn’t playing. Maybe that’s why y/n was so dumbly smitten with him. If he wanted, he fought for it. The man didn’t think twice before doing something and sometimes it got him in trouble, but sometimes it didn’t, and well, it led him somewhere. At least he’d gotten laid. 

Emma was very much like Tom. And she knew y/n was very much like Harry, in a way. Emma, too, liked to get what she wanted. But the truth is, she didn’t know what she wanted. Of course, last night she’d finally gotten laid. Though she had been all the time claiming she would, she had never slept with anyone before. She’d always end up thinking about Harry. 

She didn’t know where she got it from, the guts to sleep with somebody else. Maybe it was her way of telling Harry that he’d have to fight for it, that hiding in the shadows and being shy wouldn’t get him anywhere. He needed to fight back for her. 

That’s what led her to sleep with Josh, she guessed. She had tried to see how far she could get flirting with Josh, trying to make Harry jealous until he exploded or did something. Emma wanted Harry to fight for her. 

He hadn’t. 

He had let Josh flirt with her and Emma flirt with him. Why was this so damn hard? Did he not want to fight for her? 

That was the single poisonous thought that had driven Emma to sleep with Josh. She hadn’t told that to y/n, of course. 

“I just needed to, y/n.” 

That was half-true. She did need to. But of course, she didn’t want to explain that to y/n. Not really. Especially because Emma knew that y/n was to Harry what Emma was to Tim. So if y/n had reserved herself a little from telling her about Tim, then Emma would reserve herself from telling her about Harry. 

Besides y/n’s choice to sleep with Tom was a thousand times more stupid than Emma’s choice. Emma had absolutely no feelings for this other guy and she was sure Josh didn’t feel anything either. It had just been one drunken one night stand. Nothing important. It didn’t matter. 

But she guessed y/n had some points to herself to brag about. Y/N didn’t regret her night. 

Emma had gone to take a quick shower, y/n had advised her to so Tom wouldn’t suspect a thing, and Emma would have to complain about them being loud, or whatever. 

Emma, all dressed up and cleaned and trying to put on some makeup to hide the fact she hadn’t slept at all, walked out with a towel wrapped on her head. She heard y/n’s laugh coming  from the kitchen. 

She walked closer… and Emma saw it. The way they looked at each other, so, so, so in love and she finally  understood y/n. Yes, she still thought she was an idiot but she understood it, and Emma was thankful Tim hadn’t been around to see it. 

The way they were staring at each other as if they were having their very last breath and didn’t mind at all, like telling the other: you’re worth it, you’re worth my last sunshine. It was so ridiculously romantic, Emma wouldn’t normally be a fan of that, but she felt butterflies just from watching them. Like when you’re watching a movie and see the lead romance and long for it. 

The way their laugh emerged into one and how they were trying to touch each other, not with lust but with curiosity. Not like one of those clingy couples you see on the street that are always glued to each other, no, Emma was even jealous of what they were having, hands so desperately trying to connect with each other. Magnetized skins. Not a single kiss, but it felt wrong watching them, they weren’t even touching in any compromising way. But they felt so intimate. 

Emma realized it then, why y/n was so confused. Because Emma remembered how Tim looked at y/n, too. What did that girl have that had those two idiotic men so mermerized with her? 

She didn’t blame y/n, no, she couldn’t. And Emma wished she’d seen the way Y/N looked at Tom before the engagement party incident. Then she wouldn’t have doubted her.  Because the way y/n was beaming and shining and glowing near Tom was incredible. She wouldn’t have doubted y/n. 

She’d doubted Harry, of course. That was the problem. Because why wouldn’t she doubt him? Even more now that she saw the way Tom was blown away by y/n. And how Tim was, too.

But when she saw Tom and y/n, she was reminded of her own love story, maybe the butterflies were caused because she recalled Harry, and staring into his eyes and smiling for no damn reason. Loving him for the sake of loving him. Giggling and having intimacy without even having to touch the other. 

It mirrored Emma and Harry, just as they had become engaged. Making breakfast together, music playing in the background, Harry placing a sweet kiss to her cheek, her feeling like she was in heaven. 

And she saw it now, the way y/n probably was in Cloud 9 as Tom said something to make her smile. 

It wasn’t the first time she’d seen her smile that way. Because she’d also seen y/n with Timmy, their chemistry was undeniable. It made no sense how she was seeing her now with Tom when just a few days before she’d seen her laughing with Tim, a loud laugh and a wide smile on her face, after he had said the most stupid comment, yet y/n was almost on the floor, both of them making the same stupid jokes to bother Emma. Timmy and y/n were basically the same person, it was even pathetic how stupidly alike they were. Everybody had said it, for a reason, Emma knew how perfect they were for each other. 

Emma had seen how Timmy was trying to flirt with y/n, he wasn’t subtle, and y/n did answer to his flirting from time to time. 

But Emma guessed that’s not really how love works, or was it? 

Emma could quite put her kind around y/n, but she understood why she didn’t let go off Tim either. 

But Emma also knew that to get that smile from y/n, Timmy had had to fight. While Tom only had to show up, so simply. 

Emma understood it, she wouldn’t let go off someone who made her feel...alive. Though that seemed stupid and cliché. But she’d seen a change just in two days y/n had… changed and felt. Y/N had cried, and yelled and now laughed. 

Maybe Emma wanted that, too. She knew she could feel with Harry. But… Harry probably had given up on her. Maybe Emma had to be like Tom, and make sure Harry felt something, too. 

“Morning, idiots,” Emma said before taking off the towel. “Thanks for not letting people sleep last night.” 

Tom jumped and quickly turned to see Emma. “Oh-- Hi, uh, I’m sorry.” 

Y/N only side-eyed her. 

Emma laughed. “So, you guys are a thing now?” She asked, and judging by both their reactions, she shouldn’t have. Both of them had only widened their eyes and panicked. “You know what, don’t answer that, but next time get… a hotel room or whatever.” 

Tom and y/n blushed, y/n even coughed. 

“I didn’t hear you come in,” Tom pointed out. “Sorry.” 

Emma rolled her eyes. “You guys were busy.” 

Tom blushed harder. “I’m… really sorry.” 

“No, don’t be, as long as I get some breakfast which--” Emma frowned. “Pancakes, huh, y/n?” 

Y/N looked up. “Yeah, what about it?” 

“You guys are totally cliché,” Emma rolled her eyes. 

Tom laughed. “It was my idea, sorry,” he shrugged. 

“And you didn’t complain, y/n?” Emma frowned. 

Y/N chuckled. “Why would I?” 

“Why would she? It’s her favorite food,” Tom chuckled. 

Emma smiled, slightly. Y/N was a mystery to her. 

“So, did you guys get any inspiration for the movie?” Emma asked. 

Y/N and Tom both watched her with surprise. 

“From Dirty Dancing, idiots,” Emma rolled her eyes. “You both really-” 

Tom chuckled. “Yeah,” he coughed. “I did, I did… Um, I need some 80’s songs, we, I’ve been thinking about it, the whole setlist for the dance and-” 

“That’s what you’ve been thinking about?” y/n frowned, laughing just slightly. “That?” 

Tom chuckled, and nudged her lightly. 

“Oh, please, but you guys shouldn’t have any trouble with that,” Emma commented. “Y/N here probably knows more about the 80’s than Madonna or George Michael themselves.” 

y/n chuckled nodding. “That might be true.” 

“Might be?” Tom rolled his eyes. “You know everything about the 80’s.” 

Emma grinned. “Besides, I know you, uh, okay, I might give you some ideas…” Emma bit her lip. “God, I know no 80’s songs, I know 70’s, that’s my thing, so if you guys ever need some 70’s advice, that’s my thing, but.. 80’s…” She gulped. “Uh, dunno, that catchy song um.. ��I think We’re alone now’...” 

Both Tom and y/n once again were awkward. Could Emma say something without making them feel awkward? It was so weird and stupid. 

“Or not…” Emma finished. “But okay, so… thoughts on the script Tom, any big changes?” 

“I thought of changing the name, not going to lie,” he said. 

Y/N frowned. “Tom! What even to?” She nudged him.

“Dunno, the story of how y/n y/l/n broke Tom Holland’s heart and still has him wrapped around her finger,” Tom joked. 

“That’s a very stupid name, it wouldn’t be marketable,” Emma pointed out. “But we could change it to the script that changed all the Holland’s lives.” 

“It’s not catchy,” Y/N commented, she coughed. “I chose the name because its back to back in French, and it’s a dance step and it’s a-” 

“Metaphor, like everything you do,” Tom finished. 

Y/N rolled her eyes. “Not everything but… Yes, a metaphor and it’s a play on vis-a-vis which means face to face.” 

“Alright,” Tom grinned. 

“And dos in Spanish is… two.. so it’s just a play on words two.. To two…” Y/N coughed. 

“Alright, so I need to know more about the metaphors,” Tom grinned. “My brain is to dumb to get it.” 

“So... y/n, look I don’t want to ruin this adorableness or awkwardness you guys have but you’re meeting cast today and I don’t want you to be late, so, I need you both to get going, and stop being adorable, it makes me sick, and please Thomas, go get some clothes, don’t show up shirtless with the cast.” 

Eventually Tom had left, and Emma had seen them both hesitate when it came to y/n saying goodbye to him. He did kiss her before he left. 

Which left Emma and y/n alone to deal with the conversation, except y/n hadn’t stayed there, she had rushed to get ready. Leaving Emma alone with her thoughts again. 

But she didn’t even have the time for it before her phone rang. 

“Timothée,” she answered. “Why are you bothering me so early in the morning?” 

He chuckled from the other side of the line. “You’re so nice to have as a best friend.” 

“I’m a delight, I know,” she sighed. “So.” 

“So you slept with Josh?” Tim asked. 

“Oh, so you’re calling for that,” Emma coughed. “Thought you were going to ask about y/n first, that’s what you usually do.” 

Tim gulped. “I don’t.” 

“You know you do,” Emma sighed. “But yes, I slept with Josh, big deal.”

“You’re avoiding your feelings again,” he pointed out. “So do you want to talk about that, maybe?” 

“No, I don’t,” Emma coughed. “Look, I freaked out and... Josh was flirting and then Harry did nothing to impede it and-” 

“There it is,” Timmy sighed. “So you slept with someone to feel like you were liked huh?” 

It seemed that a lot of people did that. Sleeping with someone because they felt like shit. 

“You really can’t judge me, huh, you’re one to sleep with your exes when you know they’re-” She didn’t finish her sentence. It was too cruel to say it, and Tim was her best friend and he didn’t deserve that. 

“They’re in love with someone else, yeah,” Tim coughed. “I know.”

“Well, what did you realize? Or did you only call to judge my actions?” 

“No,” Timmy said. “I’m sorry, I want to help you out but seriously Emma you can’t keep avoiding it.” 

“And you can’t avoid it, either, Tim, you are avoiding what’s actually happening and you haven’t tried to address it.” 

“What do you want me to address?” Tim asked. 

“Oh, piss off and ask away, I know you want to.” 

Timmy stayed quiet for a bit, but then took the guts to ask her. “Has y/n talked to Tom?” 

Could Emma tell him? Did she have to tell him? It was none of her business but at the same time she knew it was. It kind of was. Emma guessed y/n was too worried on what to do with Tom that she’d forgotten that she’d kind of given hope to Tim. 

Did she have to tell Tim? Because she didn’t want him to be hurt, but he would be, anyways. 

“They’ve talked, and I mean, he went out with us last night so...” Emma started, deciding on the way what she had to tell him. “You know how it is.” 

Tim gulped. “I love her.” 

“That’s your big realization?” Emma asked. “That’s not news.” 

“No,” Tim sighed. “I just… We talked that night.” 

“Oh, you did?” Emma frowned. 

“Yes,” Tim coughed. “And--” 

“What?” 

“Well, she did say she would always be in love with me,” Tim said. “And...Well, it’s weird, okay? She said I had been the only man she’d ever fallen in love with.” 

That wasn’t true. Emma frowned. “But-” 

“Besides Tom,” Tim finished. “And that she… She didn’t believe that her and Tom could work out, that deep in her heart she didn’t believe they could work out, and that she was scared and-” 

“Tim, look, I….” Emma didn’t know how to tell him. Because she had seen y/n and y/n was so in love with Tom. It was so obvious. 

“I look, I know, I know she’s too blinded by Tom right now, but look, she was in love with him before she dated me, and I still… Like, I just need her to see that he’s not the right choice, you know? That sure, whatever, she always wanted to kiss him, but that’s not… Not what love is, you know? It’s about a deeper connection, and we… We had that, even that night, we were both so entranced with the moment, and it wasn’t…I just need a chance to prove her, you know?” 

Emma didn’t know what to tell him. Because she guessed that’s what y/n liked. Someone to have some initiative, after all, that’s why Y/N had dated Timmy in the end because he had fought for her. 

Which drove Emma insane, because why didn’t Harry have it? Why was Harry the one to wait around and do nothing? It made no sense. Because Emma needed him to, and y/n needed both of them to back away to have some time to herself. It was ironic, even. 

Harry. Harry. Harry. He had left early in the night after he’d given up with Emma ignoring him. Yes, she had been harsh on him by ignoring him, probably. But did she have any other choice? She had been heartbroken, he had basically told her: I won’t be able to be happy because you’re not her. 

It drove Emma insane. So, so insane. And sad. 

“Yeah, fight for her,” Emma sighed. “Anyway… I need to go, I’ll see you tomorrow…?” 

“Tonight, I’m coming home tonight.” 

Was Emma too proud? But she wouldn’t beg Harry, she wasn’t one to beg, no, no. And she wasn’t the one supposed to beg, was she? Emma was fierce and strong. 

And she had avoided Josh at all cost when they arrived at the studio. He had said hello but Emma had decided to follow y/n around instead.  The cast would be there later, and Emma was thrilled. So was y/n. She thought she’d see y/n all over Tom, kissing again, but their attitude had changed back to the same cold attitude from the day before. Well, to everyone else, but Emma had noticed their glancing. Tom staring at her. 

Emma didn’t look at Harry, but she did feel his staring. Harry was so stupid. Why didn’t he try to… say anything? He had said hello, and asked how she was doing but that was it. 

“But okay, we have to--” Tom gulped. Y/N and him were talking about the script, as if no trace of their night before. “I mean, each song needs to… We need a choreographer but for sure we have to decide the songs, I mean you have some here but I think we can… Build more from it you know?” 

“Yeah, I mean dancing is,” Harry coughed. “But we saw it last night in Dirty Dancing, though, how like… They build up from it.” 

“Of course, but I think, look, the songs we choose really have to be... “ She gulped. “Like okay, there’s Valerie who’s friends with Robbie and they have this… Like the music she listens to while with each of them is different. But there’s like two Valerie’s.” 

“The one who she is with William and the one with Teddy or Harry” Tom nodded. 

Y/N bit her lip. “Yeah, in a way, look, uh, the music,” y/n said. “It’s got to have different tones, like different 80’s songs, Valerie, as we know, likes to listen to Rock n’ Roll, and…Robbie does, too. And well, both William and Robbie are somehow into music, you know?” William with his dancing and Robbie with his band.” 

“But Robbie is rock n’ roll and William is… well,” Harry commented. “Of course, but music with William is-”

“Chaotic,” y/n added. “No, but the songs that we want to associate with William is the one they dance to, together.” 

“Yeah, and y/n by her own has to have her own songs, you know?” Y/N commented. “And… then we have Teddy who is the outsider, the poet, who showed Valerie other forms of expressing herself… you know? Look the script starts with Valerie’s heartbreak, and then Teddy comes in, and she decides to dance again, you know, cheerful music, she starts so somber and then-” 

“Okay but we could-- I mean, just an idea,” Harry coughed. “You wrote her Don’t Go Breaking My Heart,” he commented. “I mean it’s Auli’i and Jordan… They both sing, so maybe…” 

“I think I know where you’re going,” she smirked. “That would be cool.” 

“So instead of dancing, they sing?” Tom said. “Yeah, better, only singing ” 

“But they have to dance,” y/n commented. 

Tom frowned. “Yeah but-- It’s better if the only one she dances with is William.” 

“But she dances with Teddy, too,” Emma frowned as she finally chipped in. She knew where y/n had wanted to go with the script and these two men were too stupid to understand it. “It’s  Valerie who wanted to be a dancer and always danced by herself but stopped trying to pursue the dream after her heart is broken, and then Teddy, though he’s not a dancer, they dance together clumsily because…” 

“What?” Tom frowned. 

“Please, it’s like in Dirty Dancing, right?” Emma said. 

Tom blinked. “Dirty Dancing? But I don’t-” 

“Didn’t you get it from last night?” Emma wondered. “What the dancing is meant to represent?” 

Y/N coughed, awkwardly. 

Emma thought it was too simple to understand, knowing y/n’s story, it was so simply to deduce it. 

Yet, Harry and Tom were both watching the girls with confusion. Emma chuckled. “Okay, so Dirty Dancing is a coming of age film… Baby is embracing her sexuality,” Emma explained. “Even in the beginning she’s…Unexperienced, alright? The only dancing she initially knows is the dumb merengue lessons, and when she first dances it’s… Dumb and she doesn’t know how to, and then she’s exposed to the dirty dancing, which is exposing her to the sexuality, alright?” 

Tom closed his eyes and chuckled. “What but this is-”

“Throughout the film,” Emma continued. “We see Baby exploring her physicality through dancing, and it’s not about sex, it’s about her discovering her womanhood, and her being fine with it, and it’s such a nice point of view to see the film, it’s through the woman’s gaze, you know? Because we see Johnny as the sex appeal, not her, you as the viewer are growing with her… she’s getting confidence over her body, and--She explores it while partnering with Johnny Castle, and how he’s experienced and she learns it from another woman, too, you know, like she’s being transferred her knowledge, and in their first dance, Baby’s developing sexual and romantic feelings towards Johnny- and it represents--” 

Tom chuckled awkwardly again. “But okay, that’s Dirty Dancing, this is not--” Tom chuckled. “I mean I’m sure the dancing means-” 

Y/N and Emma were not moving. Emma thought they had understood it. 

“I mean,” y/n was shaking now. “Okay, well, you obviously know how the first dance scene with William and Valerie… first they don’t, though they want to... they just don’t dance together and keep screwing up.” 

“Yeah?” Harry was so confused. 

“And Valerie doesn’t feel comfortable dancing,” Emma continued, knowing y/n was too embarrassed to explain it to the boys. “And…then she dances with Teddy, and she’s cool, but--” 

“I don’t get it-” Harry said. 

But Emma was sure Tom had understood it by then. But it seemed that it had bothered him. 

“But--” Tom chipped in. “So the only two people Valerie ever danced with are William and Teddy? And...Teddy was the first person she danced with?” 

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perfidy  ( series masterlist)

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[kcrinas]

hi  sexies  !   i’m  dani  (  she/her  )  ,  21  &  i’m  from  the  gta  aka  ur  messy  canadian  wassup  🤠  thank  u  guys  sm  for  applying  all  ur  muses  are  so  beautiful  &  im  sm  in  love  already  !  i  rly  wanna  plot  w  every  single  one  of  u  so  pls  give  this  a  like  for  permission  for  me  2  come  bug  u  for  plots  !  🖤  karina’s  info  &  wanted  connections  r  under  the  cut  !

karina maji was spotted in the fashion district adorning gucci leather ankle boots , with some airpod pros on . they’re most likely listening to don’t stop by meg thee stallion . you may know them as @karina or as that mishti rahman lookalike . their  twenty - fourth  birthday just passed . while living in tribeca , they’ve gained a bit of a reputation . they’re known to be tenacious but on the other hand quixotic . wonder if they’ll be the next person to hit the headlines .  (   cisfemale / she/her + dani / 21 / she/her  )

             *     𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬  :

full  name  :  karina aarvi maji  .

nicknames  :  kar  ,  rina  ,  maji

age  :  twenty  -  four  .

gender  :  cisfemale  ,  she/her  .

sexual  orientation  :  pansexual  .

hometown  :  chicago , illinois   .

occupation  :  professional  mma  fighter  /  instagram  model  .

zodiac  chart  :   aquarius  sun  ,  gemini  moon  ,  scorpio  rising  .

character  inspo  : alicia mendez (  kingdom )  ,  cristina yang (  grey’s anatomy )  ,  princess jasmine (  aladdin  )  ,  megara (  hercules  )  ,  alyssa  (  the  end  of  the  f*cking  world  )  ,  kat  stratford  (  10  things  i  hate  about  you  )

                  *  𝐛𝐢𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐲  :

                                tw  :   death  ,  accident  ,  drugs  .  

karina’s  life  began  in  chicago  ,  illinois  .  born  where  her  parents  spent  their  life  ,  grew  up  together  &  eventually  ended  up  married  .  it  was  the  perfect  love  story  ,  best  friends  -  then  lovers  -  then  soulmates  .  tied  for  life  ,  married  young  ,  in  their  mid  20′s  .  but the  love  between  the  two  of  them  never  faltering  once  even  after  another  10  years  pass  .  

her  mother  ,  was  a  highly  sought  after  model  .  her  father  ,  one  of  the  most  legendary  ufc  fighters  in  the  league  .  the  maji’s  were  considered  royalty  to  the  tabloids  ,  their  love  story  inspiring  many  .  their  life   was  seemingly  so  perfect  ,  a  dream  to  many  .  &  when  they  found  themselves  blessed  with  a  little  girl  after  five  years  of  marriage  ,  it  just  made  them  an  even  more  “  perfect  ”  family  .

karina  was  treated  like  a  princess  ,  her  parents  adored  the  ground  she  walked  on  &  karina  did  the  same  with  them  .  she  was  well  -  behaved  growing  up  ,  knowing  how  lucky  she  was  to  be  living  so  luxurious  ,  something  her  parents  taught  her  to  appreciate  since  she  was  old  enough  to  understand  .  they  drilled  gratefulness  into  her  head  by  the  age  of  five  .  it  was  a  very  rare  occurrence  where  karina  would  fight  or  disrespect  her  parents  .

they  lived  in  chicago  for  many  years  ,  a  way  for  them  to  keep  their  roots  established  while  raising  karina  .  &  have  more  privacy  than  living  in  their  career  hubs  would  give  them  -  aka  ,  nyc  or  la  .  it  was  much  more  accessible  for  her  father  to  work  out  of  chicago  ,  but  for  her  mother  ,  there  were  many  hours  spent  travelling  between  chicago  &  new  york  .  too  many  .  

(   tw  death  ,  plane  crash  )  it  was  the  mere  age  of  17  ,  when  karina’s  loving  mother  never  returned  home  from  her  trip  to  new  york  .  tragedy  struck  when  her  plane  crashed  due  to  pilot  error  .  the  day  that  changed  not  only  karina’s  life  permanently  ,  but  her  father  too  .  both  their  hearts  broke  into  two  that  day  .

she  wondered  for  months  how  she  could  possibly  continue  life  &  living  without  her  mom  in  it  .  &  the  older  she  got  ,  the  more  &  more  the  feeling  invaded  her  .  through  every  life  experience  she  had  afterwards  she  wished  with  everything  in  her  that  her  mom  was  there  next  to  her  .  

karina  went  from  a  happy  ,  extroverted  &  polite  girl  to  a  closed  off  ,   sardonic  &  enigmatic  woman  .  it  was  as  if  the  light  was  taken  out  of  her  body  &  she  turned  into  someone  unrecognizable  . 

(  tw  drugs  )  it  tore  her  dad  apart  ,  after  taking  a  year  off  to  mend  ,  he  fell  into  a  spiral  of  alcohol  &  drugs  ,  and  he  never  went  back  .  his  career  completely  ended  .   to  this  day  ,  her  dad  hasn’t  stepped  foot  in  the  ring  since  her  mother’s  death  .

her  senior  year  of  high  school  -  karina  fell  into  that  same  spiral  .  using  cocaine  ,  xanax  ,  weed  &  booze  to  cure  her  broken  heart  .  &  she  felt  like  it  did  ,  for  a  little  while  anyway  .  by  some  miracle  ,  she  graduated  with  her  diploma  .  but  that  didn’t  mean  much  anyway  ,  karina  wasn’t  going  to  college   ,  she  knew  exactly  what  she  wanted  to  do  with  the  rest  of  her  life  .

karina  grew  up  religiously  watching  her  dad  fight  ,  she’d  seen  tapes  of  every  single  one  of  his  fights  before  she  was  old  enough  to  watch  them  &  from  before  she  was  born   .  religiously  trained  &  boxed  with  her  father  every  sunday  since  she  was  eleven  .  she  learned  the  ins  &  out  at  a  young  age  ,  &  fell  in  love  with  the  sport  the  second  she  took  her  first  swing  .  

she  fell  even  more  heavily  into  training  after  her  mom  passed  ,  spending  practically  every  single  day  honing  her  skills  &  building  herself  to  follow  in  her  dad’s  footsteps  &  become  one  of  the  best  fighters  the  ufc  has  ever  seen  .

began  building  her  career  at  eighteen  by  moving  to  new  york  city ,  she  was  signed  by  the  age  of  20  .  suddenly  appearing  in  the  tabloids  ,  there  was  something  about  her  that  seemed  to  bring  in  people’s  attention  .  mma  fans  or  not  ,   she  gained  a  large  following  on  social  media  .  

suddenly  ,  she  was  getting  sponsorship  offers  left  &  right  .  whether  it  was  mma  related  or  sugarbear  hair  ,  she  was  getting  them  .  karina  took  the  ones  that  paid  her  well  ,  &  her  following  just  seemed  to  keep  rising  every  day  after  that  ,  basically  became  considered  an  “ influencer ”  along  with  her  other  title  .  

at  the  age  of  21  ,  karina  became  one  of  the  youngest  female  ever  to  be  signed  by  the  UFC  .  this  was  a  big  deal  to  her  ,  as  it’s  a  dream  so  many  fighters  wish  for  .  something  it  takes  years  of  hard  work  &  dedication  to  accomplish  .  something  she  worked  her  entire  life  for  .

she’s  been  fighting  with  the  ufc  for  the  last  three  years  ,  loving  every  minute  of  it   .  the  intense  training  ,  the  fights  ,  the  interviews  ,  it  all  gives  her  a  rush  she  can’t  explain  .  something  drugs  couldn’t  give  her  ,  which  she’s  required  to  get  tested  for  every  once  in  a  while  ,  usually  before  a  fight  .  she’s  found  her  ways  around  using  without  it  ruining  her  career  and/or  getting  caught  .  let’s  see  how  long  that  lasts  ..  ; - )  ksjndfsfd

with  all  the  money  that  she’s  reigned  in  the  last  few  years  from  the  ufc  along  with  her  instagram  sponsorships  ,  she’s  sending  a  lot of  it  to  her  father  ,  considering  his  “retirement”  fund  is  basically  non  -  existent  while  he  stays  cooped  up  in  their  chicago  family  home  ,  surrounded  by  memories  of  her  mother .  while  karina  stays  resided  in  her  cozy  tribeca  home  ,  only  steps  away  from  her  training  gym  .

                *  𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲  :

karina  is  a  v  hard  nut  2  crack  .  she’s  closed  off  ,  sardonic  &  doesn’t  really  converse  much  with  strangers  

it’s  basically  been  her  &  her  dad  since  her  mom’s  passing  ,  so  she’s  very  hard  to  get  close  to  .  but  once  u  do  ,  she’ll  never  let  u  go .

she’s  loyal  to  a  fault  ,  because  she’s  always  afraid  of  people  leaving / d*ing  .  

she’s  trying  to  branch  out  &  make  more  friends  since  moving  to  tribeca  ,  but  she  truly  doesn’t  open  up  to  anyone  .   if  she  opens  up  to  you  about  her  life  or  her  past  ,  she  truly  trusts  u  ,  &  that  means  something

she  tends  to  come  off  as  intimidating  or  ..  bitchy  ,  even  when  she  doesn’t  mean  to  .  her  personality  just  tends  to  be  dry  .  she  tends  to  have  dark  humour  ,  so  she  has  to  be  careful  who  she  makes  jokes  around skndfkk 

sometimes  tends  2  stir  up  drama  even  by  accident  .  nskjkf

if  she’s  not  training  for  a  fight  ,  she’ll  be  out  partying  every  night  .  dancing  on  tables  &  probably  getting  herself  kicked  out  of  whatever  bar/club  she  found  herself  in  that  night  .  doing  what  she  can  to  get  drunk  or  feel  any  type  of  high  ,  whether  that  be  drugs  or  waking  up  next  to  a  stranger  .  

she’s  heavily  into  fashion  &  always  posting  cute  outfits  on  instagram  ,  something  that  caused  her  following  to  grow  .

she’s  lowkey  a  hopeless  romantic  ...  seeing  how  her  parents  fell  in  love  ,   but  it  scares  tf  out  of  her  because  of  their  ending  .  &  she’d  literally  never  admit  this  to  anyone  ever  .

she’s  a  new  muse  &  i’m  still  developing  her  but  i  have  sm  muse  so  i’m  very  excited  &  i  rly  hope  you  guys  like  her  !

             *  𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝  𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬  :

ok  hello  if  u  read  that  long  ass  messy  shit  ur  a  baddie  🖤  anyway  ,  for  wc’s  ,  i  literally  have  so  many  !!  they  are  all  listed  here  @karinawcs​ ,  so  take  a  peek  &  if  you  like  any  of  them  lmk  bc  i  have  tons  of  headcannons / ideas  for  all  those  !  hehe  ily  let’s  plot  

[kenzieam]

About Last Night - Chapter Two

@jewels2876  @moonbeambucky  @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123  @iammarylastar@captstefanbrandt  @badassbaker  @pinknerdpanda  @oliviastan17 @mizzzpink​

I know I’m forgetting people, sorry. If you want in, hit me.

************************************************************************

Rating: M

Warnings: Language, general nuttiness, smut, major angst, drama

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FEEDBACK IS LIFE, Y’ALL!

************************************************************************

Lev wakes up the morning after a wild night at the Compound and realizes she hasn’t spent the night alone. The fact that the man unconscious beside her is her most trusted teammate is besides the point, he’s also her best friend and

NOW WHAT THE FUCK DOES SHE DO???

*********************************************************************

Okay, this chapter is just shameless angst and self-pity, mixed in with a healthy dose of Lev’s incredible stupidity and my absolute favourite... cliffhangers.

You’ve been warned....

********************************************************************

Too late, sugar. He’s found someone else.

No. NO.

And there’s nothing you can do about it, her mind sneered.

A cold rush went through Lev and it was all she could do to not leap from the table and run.

She was becoming her mother.

She was letting love cloud her mind, dictate her actions.

No. She wouldn’t give in, she was stronger than that, baptized by the blood of the damned, literally.

If asked later how she managed to stay seated at the table and remain semi-functional, Lev wouldn’t be able to say. She’d become talented in hiding her emotions, stonewalling the therapist her father briefly tried sending her to, and disguising the true depths of her rage and sorrow as she grew from a teenager to hot-headed adult, but even she couldn’t kid herself into thinking she was successfully acting tonight.

Conversation continued without her, for if anyone noticed her discomfiture, they kindly chose to ignore it, not bringing up the fact that every single person at the table, with the exception of Bucky, Lev and Lilly, had fully expected and had in reality placed bets with each other on when their two friends would finally wake up to the attraction between them, knowing that something had gone down after the party, but not what.

Bucky’s new woman was questioned relentlessly, the guise friendly inquiry, covert ‘what the fuck, man?’ glances sent Bucky’s way whenever her attention was diverted with answering and he glowered back defiantly, refusing, with the exception of one scorching glance, loaded with too many emotions to sort out, to look at Lev.

And she felt her skin tingle every time he touched Lilly, rested his arm on her shoulders, brushed her cheek or tucked some of her long blonde hair behind her ear. If he was acting he was doing a hell of a job, there seemed to be a genuine draw between them, especially in the way Lilly would gaze at him, like he’d hung the fucking moon and, as soon as it was polite, Lev excused herself, the few bites of dessert she’d managed to choke down sour in her stomach.

Why the hell was she so upset? SHE’D WANTED THIS! SHE’D WANTED TO MAINTAIN DISTANCE, but not like this, anything but this.

And she hadn’t truly wanted distance, not really, not in the deepest parts of her heart. Once the static had cleared in her head, she’d heard the message loud and clear. Love was dangerous, love was terrifying and made fools of us all, but she would have been safe with Bucky. He wouldn’t have hurt her; he wouldn’t have let her fall. He wouldn’t have passed off lust as love and then thrown her away, driving her to insanity in the form of hysterical suicide.

He would have treasured her the way she always secretly wished to be and, at the first offering of that, she’d slashed with razor claws, wounding him perhaps permanently.

She wished for more Mead, but there was none and she instead spent the night cross-legged on the floor of her quarters, headphones secured to her ears, blasting her most angry and rage-filled death metal playlists, hoping to drown out the tears.

She shouldn’t have left her room the next morning, she wasn’t fucking hungry anyway. But she had, and the punishment had been swift and severe. Giggles preceded her arrival in the kitchen and, if she’d been listening instead of continuing to stew, she would have recognized the deep answering chuckles.

There had only been a few times in Lev’s life when she could honestly say she was breathless with shock. The first had been with her mother, slipping and sliding in her lifeblood as the woman screamed and slashed even more at her shredded forearms; the second had been when Lev had awoke disoriented under blinding lights, agony like hellfire crawling through her veins, a multitude of strange, lab-coat wearing men standing dispassionately above her, the sudden and cold realization that she’d been taken and changed, that her issues had blinded her to life’s bigger dangers and she’d fallen in with the wrong crowd, selected by HYDRA for an experimental program due to her lack of family and the extremely large chip on her shoulder and she was never going to be the same.

The third was when she had been discovered by accident and rescued by the team, half-mad in that underground bunker; her shadowy surroundings suddenly lit up and blinding her like the sun, fevered confusion and disorientation, dangerous-looking strangers all around her, their grunts of pain and surprise when she fought their hands, struggled to understand a language she’d not heard in so long. Fear and animal instinct to defend had taken over, her enhanced body too much for all but Steve and Bucky to restrain and her first real memories of freedom from that hellish cell where she’d languished, cold and slowly going insane had been of strong arms, gentle hands stroking her face and tangled hair, masculine spice and a deep, soothing voice, speaking words she no longer recognized but in a tone that calmed her nonetheless.

The forth, and final time was now, when she turned the corner into the kitchen and stopped dead, like she’d been slapped by the very hand that was currently caressing Lilly’s breast through her half-buttoned shirt, a shirt Lev recognized instantly, even in her shock, as the one she’d bought Bucky months ago because she’d loved how it matched his eyes. Lilly was gasping and mewling, their bodies moving in a sensual, unmistakable rhythm, Bucky’s eyes flaring with heat as they rolled upwards when her lips, hidden by her face tucked into his throat, nibbled in return for his touch and it was devastatingly obvious what they’d spent the night doing, what Lev had probably unintentionally spared herself from hearing all through the dark hours by keeping her headphones on.

What they were still doing.

Lev could smell it on them and there was no way two bodies could twine so close together if they weren’t already connected in the most visceral and primal way possible. His hand fell from Lilly’s breast, but only to drop to her hip, curling around the curve and pulling her closer still, lifting her thigh to hook around his. His eyes raised finally to Lev’s, banked lust making them look like a beast’s eyes, and his jaw clenched, teeth baring as he growled harshly. Lilly moaned as he turned his head to bite at her throat, eyes staying locked on Lev’s almost defiantly, returning the nips with an intensity that made Lilly’s hips roll against his, made her cling even tighter to his body and ratcheting up the sexual heat that was already so thick between them. Seeing Lev seemed to push him to move harder and faster, as if with each heavy thrust of his hips he was snarling at her ‘like what you see? This could have been you.’

Bucky was fucking her against the counter, her ass smacking the edge while he glared coldly over her shoulder, eyes locked with Lev’s, each heavy grunt as he thrust further driving the nail deeper into her heart and something inside her, something that cracked as she’d watched her mother die and had only continued to yawn wider with each successive hit in her life, shattered completely.

*************************************************************************************   “So, you’re volunteering to take this mission? The one I haven’t been able to bribe, cajole or threaten anyone else to take on?” Tony raised a brow at Lev, half his attention still directed to a tablet in his hand, feet resting on the edge of his desk, chair tilted back.

“Yes.” Lev waited until Stark reluctantly pulled his eyes from the screen and focussed fully on her. Understanding softened the quizzical lines on his forehead.

“You know, kid… what Barnes is doing, bringing that new girl around-”

“Doesn’t matter, he can fuck whomever he wants.”

“Yeah, but after that party we all figured you two would finally-”

“You know… that shit would have been a little more helpful before all of this. I didn’t realize Bucky felt that way, I didn’t realize I felt that way.”

“Is that why you pushed him away? According to Cap you broke his heart.”

Lev flinched. “I didn’t push him away, okay? I was scared shitless and thought we should stay friends.”

“A man doesn’t look at someone the way Barnes looked at you, if they just want to stay friends.”

And the hits just kept coming. “Again, might have been a little more helpful to me before.”

“Why were you so scared?” Tony changed subjects, tilting his head. “I mean, the Manchurian Candidate isn’t my cup of tea, but he’s never hurt you, even when you were trying so hard to kill all of us in that bunker; if anything, he’d be like a pain in the ass puppy, always loyal and trying to get in your lap.” Understanding dawned. “This have something to do with your parents? You told me their divorce was ugly.”

And then some.

“Nah, their divorce was the standard train wreck, it was what came after; when the guy left her, she uh…. Well, she didn’t take it well.”

Tony arched a brow, waiting patiently and Lev was so tired of holding the weight of her burdened past by herself she gave in and opened her figurative vein.

“When uh…. When the new guy took off, she…. I found her after school one day, blood everywhere and the razor still in her hands. I was trying everything I could to stop the bleeding, to stop her, but all she wanted to do was keep cutting and keep screaming into the phone at the guy, over and over again, ‘is this what you wanted? Are you happy now?’. She… she died in my arms, her last words for him, still yelling at him. I’m not even sure if she knew I was there.”

Tony stared, stunned silent, which was quite a feat for him, and Lev swallowed uncomfortably. She’d not told anyone the whole story, not even her dad or the therapist and she felt her adrenaline beginning to rise as the spectres from her past rattled their chains and threatened to break free again.

“Shit… Lev. You need to talk to someone about that-”

“I need to go on this mission.”

“You need help.”

“The mission.” Lev repeated stubbornly. “Just the mission, Tony, okay? If my mother’s suicide taught me anything, it’s that love is the most dangerous fucking thing out there and if I hadn’t learned it then I sure as fuck did when Bucky showed up with that fucking supermodel. That’s all the help I need. Let me get out of here, clear my head and still be fucking useful as I do it. Please?”

Tony gazed at her, such pain and sympathy in his eyes that Lev was forced to look away, chew hard on her lip to keep from breaking down.

“Okay,” he finally murmured. “I’ll send you out on this one but we’re in on this together, you and me, got it?”

Lev squinted at him, not understanding.

“I’m not going to tell anyone else, but you and I are going to talk, regularly, while you’re out there. I’m keeping an eye on you, kid and when you get back… you gotta talk to someone trained in this, okay? That’s not anything anyone should have to carry alone.”

Lev snorted, trying to disguise how touched she was with more sarcasm. “I’m not carrying it alone; it can haunt your nightmares now too.”

A faint smile, but Tony’s eyes stayed troubled.

“Okay,” Lev conceded. “Now can I go?”

Tony nodded slowly. “Yeah, I got everything set up, if you’re ready now, let’s go.”

“I’m ready now.”

***********************************************************************************       Lev exhaled slowly, fighting the urge to doodle on the notebook in front of her and closed her eyes until the itch passed, then opened them again, squinting as she peered through the scope mounted in front of her.

Forty-three days now of reconnaissance, observation, stakeout…. Boring.

Although it had been in the back of Lev’s mind as the reason why no one else wanted to take this mission, meaning Tony had been about a day away from volun-telling someone they were going, it hadn’t truly hit her until now how epically draining this was.

She had nothing but time now, to think, to analyze and consider.

The communication was iffy, limited, hence the need for someone to stay here and watch the comings and goings of the suspected HYDRA affiliate; setting up remote surveillance simply wasn’t possible, nor feasible to complete the set-up of without drawing suspicion. And rotating teams wasn’t ideal either, so Lev was stuck here, admittedly exactly where she’d asked to be, and she was getting a lot of thinking done.

She had been wrong to push Bucky away, that thought was clear as crystal now after weeks of distilling in her mind while she observed and noted each movement of her quarry.

Even if she’d genuinely wanted to simply stay friends with him, wrong, she had gone about that completely ass-backwards too. There had been happiness in his eyes that morning, the smile on his face hopeful, and she’d squashed it like a bug, squashed his heart like a bug, according to Steve; no wonder he’d returned her pain so cruelly, so harshly. He’d been open and vulnerable in front of her, thinking they’d turned some corner in their relationship, holding out his heart to her that morning and she’d clumsily slapped it to the floor, stomped on with her curt announcement that the magic that had passed between them the night before was a mistake.

God, did she wish she could go back in time.

She’d slap her past self silly in that bathroom, grab her shoulders and order her to not be so fucking stupid and scared, to be the fucking hero she played at being and take that leap of faith, knowing Bucky had already taken the leap and was waiting to catch her on the other side.

It’s too late now, her inner voice whispered.

“Shut up.” She hissed back.

9:32 am – subject takes out the garbage…

************************************************************************************     “So, how’s it going?” Tony asked from the monitor, head tilted to the side. The connection wasn’t the greatest, static crawling across the screen and pulling at his outline, but his voice came through clearly enough.

“I’m bored.”

He snorted, shaking his head. “Dude, why do you think everyone else passed?”

“I know, I know, it’s just…”

“Too much time to think?” Tony offered quietly.

Lev exhaled heavily. “Yeah.”

“I know all about that.” Tony continued softly. Usually at this point he would lead Lev into talking about her issues, not start baring his own demons.

“You too?” Understanding hit her like a truck. “Wait, your parents too, right? I forgot about that.”

Tony nodded. “Yeah, I didn’t walk in on my mother having a psychotic break, but they’re both gone.”

“And Bucky…” she couldn’t finish, shocked that she’d managed to put away this detail and forget it for so long.

“No, The Winter Soldier.” Tony clarified. “I’ve made my peace with that, HYDRA killed my parents, not that lovesick sap I see dragging his sorry ass around the compound all day.”

“Wait, what? Dragging his ass around? He’s got Lilly now.”

“Not anymore. Not sure what happened, but she left a couple weeks ago… not long after you took off, actually.”

“Huh.” Lev pondered this, her confusion deepening. What the hell did that mean? Was it just no fun fucking his girlfriend anymore without Lev standing there watching? “And you just decided to mention it now?”

Tony smiled faintly. “Today’s the first time you’ve even mentioned his name too, kid.”

“Touché…. Wait, you just needed me to stay here and finish the job!”

“Why? Would hearing about Lilly leaving make you want to come back and talk to the guy?” Tony challenged evenly; brow raised.

Shit… it did, didn’t it? That’s exactly what she was steamed about, wasting her time here instead of falling on her knees in front of Bucky and begging for his forgiveness. Still, she hated to let Tony know he was right, he could be such an arrogant prick sometimes. “So. What if it did?”

Tony snorted again, chuckling. “You two, Jesus Christ… Still, I’d appreciate if you could stay a bit longer out there.”

“You owe me, Stark.”

“I do? You volunteered, and now you’re trying to bail? Tough, kid.”

Lev stuck out her tongue, chafing mildly at this responsible adult nonsense.

“Brat,” Tony commented mildly. “Another week, Lev. Please?”

“It’s good to hear you say please.”

“It’ll be even better if you stay there like I asked and then come back and talk to that therapist I set up for you.”

Lev clenched her teeth, debating her response. Knee-jerk told her snarl and tell Tony off, to mind his own business, she’d made all sorts of progress just talking with him, but a deeper part of her knew it was time, she needed to confront and drain this wound, she couldn’t let it’s poison taint her life any further. “Yeah, okay.”

“Don’t sound so damn happy. I’m paying top dollar to keep the best grief counselor on the East Coast on retainer.”

“Thanks.” Lev injected true appreciation in her tone and his expression softened.

“Brat.” He repeated fondly. “I gotta go, talk to you in a couple of days, alright?”

“Yeah,” Lev replied softly, offering a real smile.

*************************************************************************************    Lev tried not to hurry, jostle the pack on her back and maybe make too much noise. Nobody was following her, that much she was sure of, but she’d managed over fifty days of surveillance without being discovered and didn’t want to disrupt her streak. Nearing two months in a depressing tenement in a dying Eastern European town had been all sorts of boring, staring out through faded old curtains to the building across the narrow alley, but she’d managed and now it was time to go home. Tony was waiting, with a quinjet, at a site a dozen miles out and Lev was eager to see the man again.

He’d passed on her messages to the team, for Lev had left so furtively and quickly that she hadn’t told anyone else, not even Steve, and he’d relayed their messages back due to the constraints in their communications, but she was eager to see Stark, hell, anyone, in the flesh again. There was only so many games of Solitaire you could play on a dingy tabletop as you kept one eye on the window and Lev had discovered that limit long ago.

But… Bucky.

She still hadn’t spoken to him.

She’d not told him she was leaving; hell, he probably hadn’t even pulled out of Lilly yet by the time she was heading for the jet and there’d been no message from him in the ones Stark had relayed, not that Lev had expected any.

He probably hoped she didn’t come back, and a part of Lev was tempted. But no, she was a part of the Avengers, whether he liked it or not, and she could function as a member of said team even if she no longer had any meaningful contact with the Winter Soldier again. She’d have to figure out a new strategy for when her nightmares tore her from sleep and there would be no more Bucky to save her, as well as what she was going to do now when his nightmares echoed down the halls and she wanted to run to comfort him, but that could be solved easily enough. She could switch floors, sleep with earplugs or just plain gut it out, go cold turkey until the impulses faded, until Steve or Sam or, most likely, nobody’s presence took the place of comfort and support when their mutual nightmares grew to be too much in the dark.

But she’d miss the softness of his voice in the dark as her heart raced, miss the gentle way his hand would stroke across her forehead, thumb rubbing at her cheekbone; his bright, earnest eyes locked on hers as he talked her down, helped her match her gasping breaths to his steady ones.

She’d miss the way he’d cling to her when he was trapped in his own hells. The faint tremble in his massive frame that would start to cease, begin to relax as soon as he sensed her touch, the way his arms would band around her and hold her close, his body wrapped around hers like a shield but his face buried in her neck like a child’s while he grounded himself again. The way he’d murmur her name over and over again like a mantra, soothing himself back to sleep or, more likely, to the faint drowsy, dreamy, pillow talk stage, laying next to each other for hours as night died, talking about everything and anything that seemed too fragile to hold up and not shrivel under day’s harsh glare.

How had she thrown all that away? How had she not seen what everyone else apparently had? Actual physical love and sex had been about the last boundary they’d had, they’d been intimate and close in every other way possible and yet Lev had deluded herself into thinking, no… into telling herself stubbornly, that it was only friendship, that the way she’d sometimes catch Bucky gazing at her were nothing, only projections of the way she sometimes would watch him.

What a fucking idiot.

Christ, she was going to take a hellacious long bath when she got back to the Compound and compose a doozy of an apology to match her depths of remorse.

She glanced at her GPS, saw the jet was mere dozens of feet away now, in a clearing so well hidden she, even so close, still couldn’t see and picked up her pace. Hopefully, Tony brought some of those Cow Tales caramels she was such a whore for like she’d asked.

Pushing through the last break of trees, Lev paused, just admiring for a moment the stark (tee hee) splendour of the sleek jet amidst the woods. With a muted hiss, the ramp descended, and Lev turned her attention to the pilot.

“Tony-” her voice died in her throat.

[captain-yeet]

Oops, That Happened - Part 2 (Demetri Volturi x Reader)

Summary: After Italy and the unexpected encounter the two of you shared, it was safe to say that Demetri was on your mind a lot. Luckily for you, the feeling was mutual. You only hoped someday you could see him again...

Word count: 3.5k

Warnings: NSFW, swearing, very very adult themes. If ur a kid or under 18 don't read pls shits about to get Nastay. But with fluff at the end! Merry crimmis, folks.

Part One

Months have passed by and you went about your business as normal. Bella was in her final year of high school and after Italy, it felt as if any vampire drama was wrapped up and dealt with in a nice little bow.

Except it wasn't.

One, a band of newborn vampires had come to search for your little sister, breaking into your house while your father slept on the couch and taking an item of her clothing. To say it infuriated you that once again your sister's life was at stake would be an understatement.

Secondly, you had yet to hear any word from Demetri, and as the weeks turned into months going by your hopes waned and your heart ached.

The surprise intimate moment the two of you shared played back in your mind's eye almost every night. Whenever you would be laying in bed, in the shower or going about your business his handsome face would pop into your mind accompanied by the memory of pleasure that coursed through you in that finite moment.

Did he even want to see you again? Were his words a lie? You had no idea but despite your doubts and insecurities, you wished to see him again. You longed for it.

Today Bella would be staying at Edward's house; nothing unusual there. You walked with her to her truck. "Don't get up to too much trouble, you hear me?"

Bella rolled her eyes. "Yes, Mom," she groaned. A tiny smile played on her lips, however.

Giving her a hug, you stepped back from the truck and watched your sister drive away. A sigh escaped your lips. You still hated that damn Cullen boy with a fiery passion, but you knew she would be in safe hands.

Night came and with it complete boredom. Your father Charlie was passed out cold on the couch and would be there till the sun rose. As for you, you were laying in your bed in just an oversized t-shirt that you refused to part with.

Again, as he did every night, Demetri's face popped into your mind. You closed your eyes, trying to push him out. If he still wanted me he would have made contact by now, you reasoned with yourself.

Tap. Tap.

The sound of something gently hitting your window roused you from your thoughts. Sitting up, you glanced over to your bedroom window only to cover your mouth in shock at the face peering in.

The one who had plagued your thoughts, was balancing on you could only guess was a tree branch outside your bedroom window. You had to be dreaming, surely? Or going insane.

Rushing over and yanking the window open, you leaned out of it. "What are you doing here?" You whisper-hissed in the quietest voice you could manage.

"I'm happy to see you too, love," he chuckled, "mind making some room for me to enter?"

"What, need my permission to come in?" You teased.

"Vampires don't work like that, gorgeous."

You stepped back away from the window, crossing your arms a little self consciously as you watched Demetri clamber in through your window. You were now suddenly very aware of what you were wearing; the shirt just brushed halfway down your thighs.

Demetri stood straight and studied your appearance, also taking note of your bed attire with a faint hint of a smirk. "It's been a while, you look good."

You bowed your head. "Same to you... it really has been a while, huh?"

An apologetic look crossed his face. "Forgive me. I would have been in contact sooner but my masters forbid it."

"Forbid it'?" You echoed, brows furrowing in confusion.

He nodded. "After you left Italy... let's just say that the Cullens aren't in Aro's good graces as of right now, given that you and your sister are still human."

You bit your lip. Another reminder about my mortality, fantastic.

Sensing your apprehension, Demetri slowly, cautiously as if testing the waters, approached you. "You have nothing to fear from my coven, Y/N. And especially nothing from me."

"Why are you here, Demetri?" You challenged him, meeting his eyes finally. "Because with everything I have going on right now the last thing I need is a reminder that I need to die or become a vampire."

Demetri's jaw clenched and you suddenly regretted snapping at the gorgeous but lethal vampire very much. Taking you by surprise however he sighed and took a seat at the side of your bed. Clutching his head in his hands, your concern grew as he let out a pained whine. "This is not going how I thought it would..."

"A-are you okay, Demetri?" You asked, taking a step toward him hesitantly.

Another whine, but quieter this time. "God, even just the mention of my name coming from your lips is driving me insane."

What? Blinking, you were suddenly in focus mode. Kneeling down in front of him, you forced him to look you in the eye. "What does that mean? Please tell me, I'm so lost..."

"You remember our... encounter, yes?"

You nodded in reply. How could I forget?

You watched him swallow thickly, his eyes staring intensely into your own. "Ever since that day, that moment, I've been at a loss. To think I'd get so distracted and frustrated by a simple human woman."

The last few words began a pang of pain in your heart, but a cold gentle hand cupping your face quelled it. "You are no simple woman, though Miss Swan. I've snuck way on my own accord from my group here in Washington to see you. To get closure. Tell me if you don't share my feelings, or if you do."

If your heart could spontaneously combust from excitement and nervousness at once, it would have at this moment. Here was a man - an incredibly handsome immortal man that could kill you with a flick of his wrist - confessing his feelings for you. Feelings of inferiority made you self-conscious. He was out of your league, a literal ethereal creature whereas you were quite simply, a normal human being.

"Since we, you know, did that thing together in Italy," you began, stammering over your words, "you've been on my mind ever since." Getting to your feet, you joined him on the bed. "Every night before I fall asleep when I wake up, hell even in the damn shower or washing dishes the memory will pop into my head and I find myself missing you."

Demetri took in your words, choosing not to interrupt you. He watched with an expression you couldn't identify. Curiosity? Hope? Maybe even a hint of amusement.

"I know that sounds crazy," you continued, heat blooming in your cheeks. "We barely know each other and here I am pining."

"It's not crazy in my world," he murmured in reply.

"What does that mean?"

"My kind have mates. Some immediately feel a pull towards their significant other, others feel it developing the more time we spend together."

You thought about his words for a moment. "... So where does that leave you and me?"

He smiled at you; a playful smirk. "Would you like to test the waters?"

Your heart skipped a beat. If he was suggesting what you thought he was... The ability to speak left but you nodded in consent.

Demetri scooted closer, keeping his eyes locked on yours. Your faces were so close, the air between you electrified. Leaning in very slowly, he checked in with you one last time. "Are you sure?"

Biting your lip, you suppressed a laugh. "Hundred percent."

He continued leaning in until his lips brushed lightly against yours. Demetri held his position like that, and his lack of action made you whine in protest. So, you took the initiative and kissed first and holy shit how you missed this feeling. You missed him, especially and the need you'd been harboring for him took over your rational thinking.

You pulled back a moment only to place your hands on his shoulders as you straddled his lap. Any restraint Demetri had now left him and he hungrily kissed back, hands firmly grasping at your thighs, running slowly up to your hips, resting at your waist. The coldness of his skin made you let out a small gasp against his mouth, making him smirk. The hem of your shirt had ridden up with his movements.

"I think it's my turn to take charge," he said in a low, smooth voice.

"God, please do," you whimpered. The need for him to touch you grew stronger, especially where you needed him most.

In a flash you went from straddling Demetri's lap to laying flat on your back, head resting comfortably against the plush pillows. He pulled back so he was on his knees between your legs, hands caressing the sides of your thighs. You squirmed a little under his touch, making him chuckle.

"You're rather impatient aren't you, love?" He teased you, observing you closely.

"Can you blame me?" You quipped back breathlessly.

He shook his head. His handsome face wore an admiring expression. The way his eyes took you on made you feel warm inside like he enjoyed what he saw. You felt comfortable.

"I can't say I do."

His hands moved from your thighs to his own clothing and you swore he could hear your heart stop as you watched him remove his coat and his shirt within moments of you blinking.

You'd seen many shirtless men before - magazines, TV shows, movies, the damn swimming pool. Sure, some men were very... well built and you couldn't lie and say that they didn't look good, but nothing drove you crazy. Demetri, on the other hand, was sculpted to perfection in your eyes.

You sat up a little, and raised a hand hesitantly, looking up at him shyly. Sensing what you wanted, he smiled and took your hand, placing it against his torso. The skin was hard but surprisingly smooth, not a single blemish, dent or imperfection to be found.

Unconsciously, your hand began to drift lower, reaching the leather belt of his pants. Looking up at Demetri, you took a shaky breath to steady your nerves. "Can I...?"

"You may."

The simple confirmation of consent stoked the embers of flame that had begun to arise within you, and you eagerly unbuckled the belt and unbuttoned his dark trousers to get to your reward.

Demetri's long and large erection sprung free and he laughed at how your eyes widened at the sight.

Blushing furiously, you lightly slapped his torso. "Shhhhh, my dad is asleep downstairs!" I wouldn't want to explain why I have a naked man with red eyes on top of me.

Cupping your cheek with one hand, he bit his lip trying to stifle laughter as he looked down at you. "I'm sorry, it's just... your face -"

He broke off into another, quieter this time, fit of laughter and you pouted.

Oh, I think it's time for you to shut up, you thought haughtily. Your defiant embarrassment needing to be defended outweighed your initial shyness, and you took his cock firmly on your hand and began stroking it. His laughter ceased and you looked up with innocent eyes as your tongue darted out and lapped at the head. You marveled at the taste; you expected bitterness but was pleasantly surprised to find that it tasted sweet.

Eyes growing dark, Demetri bit back a groan at the sensation of your tongue swirling around the head of his cock. You had moved from your sitting position to being on all fours in front of him, working him with every precise movement of your tongue and lips. Being mindful as not to hurt you he placed his hands on either side of your head; one stroking your hair while the other cupped your face, holding you there.

You were enjoying the feeling of his cock in your mouth, taking as much of him as you could while you bob your head back and forth. You decided to really push your luck and changed your technique. With every bob of your head, you let your tongue lick the underside of his cock.

He groaned, almost a growl in pleasure. You looked up through your lashes to watch as his perfect face contorted in ecstasy, closing his eyes blissfully. Gotcha, you thought smugly, kicking your motions up a notch and increasing the speed.

"Shit that feels good," he moaned, eyes open once again and watching you work him with wonder.

You pulled back to catch your breath and grinned up at him. "Am I doing a good job?" You couldn't keep the smug tone out of your voice.

He pulled back from you, and for a moment you felt insecure... until he reached for your shirt and began working it up over your breasts. Sitting up straight, you lifted your arms over your head to help him get the damned piece of fabric off your body.

Before you could even process the fact that you were now completely bare before him Demetri's mouth was on yours again, a newfound hunger in his kiss. He wrapped an arm around your waist and held you tight to his chest, parting your legs further with his knee. You began to wonder what exactly he was doing until you felt his free hand snake its way down to where you ached for him.

"You are so in for it now, cara mia," he growled into your ear, sending more heat down your spine. He cupped you gently but firmly making you gasp in shock and pleasure, a small squeak escaping from your lips. You buried your face in his shoulder as he began moving his fingers in a circular motion, rubbing your aching pussy.

"Do you have any idea how many nights I've laid alone in my quarters imagining doing this to you?" he whispered against your hair, never ceasing in his motions. "This and so much more?"

God this feels amazing, you thought weakly, grinding yourself on his fingers. The way he was talking, how good it felt to have his hands on you...

It was better than any of your wildest imaginings and more.

He moved his hand away, and you felt like you could have cried at the loss of his fingers working you. "Lay down, Y/N. On your back, get comfy."

A jolt of excitement shot through your veins and you nodded, clambering back to your original position on your bed.

Was this the afterlife? Had you died and gone to some kind of lust-filled utopia? It felt as so, as you watched Demetri lay down and position himself between your legs. One of his hands reached up and groped one of your breasts and your hand to cover your mouth with your hand as you let out a loud moan. While he worked your breast with one hand, what really sent you to heaven was when he slowly ran his tongue up along the sensitive spot between your legs.

"Oh fuck," came your muffled cry, eyes widening once again at the new sensation. Your positive response made Demetri chuckle, the vibrations of his laughter making you instinctively thrust your hips against his mouth.

Very briefly, Demetri lifted his head to look you straight in the eye. "I'm going to take care of you since you've been such a good girl." The pet name stirred the embers once more. He brought his hand back to your pussy and pressed his thumb against your throbbing clit, making you choke on your suppressed moans. "Is that what you want, Y/N?"

"Yes, yes it's what I want," you practically mewled in reply, squirming desperately for some friction. "Please."

"What exactly do you want me to do?"

Oh the asshole is enjoying this, isn't he? "Please eat my pussy," you hissed.

Demetri grinned, victorious. You felt like helpless prey in the talons of a predator, but in all honesty, it turned you on even further.

He wasted no time putting his face back down there and got to work, lapping at your wet pussy. You arched your back and closed your eyes, spreading your legs as wide as you comfortably could. He had kept his thumb on your clit and was moving it in circular motions while his lips sucked on your labia, his tongue darting between the folds to taste you. The fire in between your legs grew unbearable and soon you had both your hands gripping Demetri's hair, shamelessly gyrating your hips against his face.

He didn't seem to mind. You felt his thumb disappear from your clit only to be quickly replaced with his lips. Opening your eyes, you looked down and saw the hand he was using to pleasure you with was now being used to stroke his cock. You could feel that he was enjoying this as much as you were.

Something changed in his rhythm and it made you become a panting mess. You could feel your release coming and quickly. "Shit, please keep doing that," you whimpered, sitting up a little to watch him.

He obeyed and turned up the tempo to his actions. His tongue was now buried deep inside of your soaked pussy, nose rubbing your clit, his head moving in a shaking head motion and it took all of your restraint not to scream the house down.

If there was something you were going to take away from this, it was that Demetri was amazing in bed.

Demetri brought his face away from your throbbing pussy, his eyes almost black in color. Hand now rubbing your clit again. "I've got you, Y/N. Let go for me."

You couldn't hold it back any further. It almost pained you to hold back the scream that was building up in your throat as you came all over Demetri's fingers, rocking your hips as you did so, practically riding them.

You felt something hot and wet touch your thighs. Opening your eyes wearily, you saw the Demetri had brought himself to finish too, the hot cum coating your thighs dangerously close to your own pussy.

Heart beating fast and hard, you kept your eyes closed, breathing deeply to calm your erratic heart. A cool, wetness wiped away the mess on your thigh and between your legs, gently dabbing it all away. A few moments later, you felt the bed dip beside you and a blanket being laid over your naked body.

Rolling over, you open your eyes to see Demetri laying on his side, propped up on his elbow staring at you with complete adoration in his eyes, a soft smile playing on his lips. "Hi," you whispered shyly.

"Hi to you too," he replied, the smile growing wider. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah, I think so." You bit your lip a moment, pondering whether or not to request of him what you wanted at the moment. "Demetri?"

"Hmmm?" He hummed in response.

"Is... is it okay with you if I uh, lay on your chest a bit?" You squeezed your eyes shut, blushing. Ahh, stupid question Y/N! Stupid question. Way to come off as clingy.

A quiet chuckle. Then, the bed dipped slightly. "Of course," came his reply, "come here, love."

Smiling, you opened your eyes. Shimming over, you nested yourself into the vampire's side, curling up happily. He wrapped his arm around you and held you close to his chest, savoring the moment. "I could get used to this, you know."

"I feel the same," Demetri confided, fingertips tracing patterns on your back. “It pains me that I’ll have to leave eventually.”

That woke you up a little.

Sitting up, you fixed your wide-eyed, now panicked gaze on him. “You’re leaving? How soon?”

Demetri shushed you softly, stroking your back more to comfort you. “I disbanded from my traveling companions under the guise of hunting and I’ll have to return eventually. And secondly, your father is downstairs. I don’t think he’d take too kindly to find a stranger naked in bed with his daughter.”

You ducked your head, nodding in agreement. “True,” you agreed, laying back down. “But for some forewarning, you better leave me your number or a way to contact you before you leave, mister.”

He buried his face into your hair. “I wouldn’t dream of it. You’re mine and I intend to keep it that way.”

Your heart soared at his words. With a happy smile on your face, you lay back down and curled up on his chest once more. “Glad to hear it, especially after that. I’m all yours if you’ll have me, sweetheart.”

With that, you let sleep take you, drifting off into a peaceful sleep in the arms of someone that made you feel as if you were on cloud nine after the night’s antics. Unbeknownst to you, Demetri held you a little tighter once he felt you drift away into a deep sleep. He would cherish this tender moment with you while he had the chance.

[yourpreciouslilbub]

park woo jin ft lee dae hwi pt. 1 (random imagines)

member: park woo jin ft. lee dae hwi

genre: fluff, au

warnings: wrong grammar, cringiness (read at ur own risk)

summary: daydreaming about changing lives by imagining having swapping bodies with a celebrity

• y/n is so done with her life.

• online classes just make her behavior worst and tired than having face to face.

• tends to isolate herself from her main accounts not minding chats and notifications.

• it's not that you don't care or mind about other people, you just don't feel communicating lmao

• prefer spending time by spazzing, watching k-dramas, or playing.

• on a night with a full moon, hearing those unstoppable sounds of dogs in your neighborhood.

• y/n suddenly thinks of having a different kind of life she has.

• kinda corny but wishes to experience those (be careful what you wish for)

• being weird and an overthinker she just let it pass, finally decides to sleep.

• next morning came, y/n wakes up with a bright vivid light that comes from the window.

• slowly progressing what happened on the verge of 'your mind is still asleep'

• a loud 'bugsh' was heard when you fall from your bed

• white long curtains, teddy bears and other cute stuff, a mini piano with lots of music sheets scattered on it,

• colorful post-it that you also read, "you can do it" "well done." "fans are waiting for you" "love myself too" "music is hard but it's all worth it".

• and a sweet smell of vaporized candles lingers around the room.

• y/n is amused yet nervous especially when he heard the door opens.

• "daehwi-yah we will eat now, what are you doing there on the floor? still asleep?"

• woong said, questioning y/n then laugh before closing the door.

• ofc you know him. it's woong the main vocalist and fake maknae of the k-pop group that you've been stanning since their debut ab6ix.

• confused still half-awake y/n decided to check her face by looking at the mirror (more like a routine or habit daehwi does lol every morning)

• "oh my god" y/n said in Korean that made her more shocked.

• purple pajamas with messy hair but still looking handsome on it is the image that you saw in front of the mirror.

• "how did this happen?" eyes are both wide open checking if this is freaking real.

• still not syncing into reality you decided to pounder thoughts

• when you heard the other members yell daehwi's name

• so your feet take you to the familiar and at the same time unfamiliar kitchen of ab6ix.

• "why are you so weird today, daehwi-yah?" woojin asked sending his signature sparrow gaze into you.

• you suddenly feel the urge to curse bcs first you are star-struck, second, it's bared face ab6ix your idols, third park woo jin is freaking asking you why daehwi is weird, lastly, daehwi is your bias and you are in his body?

• can't process the whole information, so you just shrugged at woojin's question then sit on the empty chair beside donghyun.

• everyone is busy chit-chatting while you just eat your food silently.

• the next hours went by smoothly except those kakao messages that came from other celebrities that you know too (daehwi being a social butterfly)

• and when your manager calls you for dance and vocal practice today along with the other members

• ofc you are nervous you don't sing and dance, and daehwi's prob professional especially when writing songs how are you supposed to do that?

• with cold hands you and the other members enter the practice room.

• woojin leads it and play a warm-up song first.

• y/n is very nervous but amused at how daehwi's body moves along the beat.

• you enjoyed vocal lessons too as you kept making vibrations on the songs.

• little you did know that woojin is observing you since this morning (y'all know that park woojin is the member whose daehwi are most close with so)

• you let out a big sigh when the classes are finally over but immediately taken aback when manly arms wrapped around your shoulders.

• "we should talk," woojin murmured then drag you until you two reach his room.

• woojin's room is a combination of black and white a typical minimalist person would love this adding his collection of action figurines.

• he's so manly, you thought to yourself.

• "daehwi-yah, spill it," he said breaking the silence between the two of you.

• "i-uh is there something that i s-should spill?" you want to slap yourself for stammering in front of him.

• while he gave you his 'oh pls btch stop acting like you don't know anything at all'

• when he realized that you don't have any plans to answer his question

• "YAHHHH PARK WOO JIN"

• "see? daehwi is not like that," he said while crossing his arms in front of you.

• did park woo jin literally brought his face closer to the point that you two could kiss and thinking of it happened a few moments ago made your face red like a tomato.

• "daehwi's not minding it but you— who are you?"

• y/n's heart suddenly beats faster than normal, she wants to defend herself but no words would escape from her lips.

• "sweetie, don't be afraid it's just me park woo jin" he said smiling showing his snaggletooth.

• intimidated. that's what you're feeling right now. seeing him this close makes your heartbeat wild adding that he's interrogating you.

• you didn't have a choice it's now or never so you told woojin everything.

• at first he didn't believe it but when he challenged you to make simple sentences for lyrics he started to believe you.

• months past like that, woojin is there guiding you every time he sees that you prob gonna ruin smth

• y/n and woojin always spend time a lot together after rehearsals, practices, classes, gym, or even if you don't have anything scheduled for the day.

• you know him for being clingy with daehwi as you always watch their behind clips but damn having skinship with woojin really hits different

• it made your heart flutter every time he does it (but u only keep it to yourself)

• he kisses you sometimes on your cheek when you two are alone

• that's how park woo jin and y/n became close.

• today y/n is super hype bcs she saw the first snow

• woojin messaged you on kakao stating that he has a surprise so you two agreed to meet

• knowing him, maybe it's another prank or somehow something nice happen for him to celebrate it

• so you decided to wear daehwi's purple balenciaga sweater partnered with burberry coat and ofc his favorite dior bag that you can't forget to bring with

• you really like to dress up that's why you don't find it hard to style daehwi bcs daehwi already have a lot of designer clothes that made it easier for you

• before heading out, you sprayed daehwi's saint laurent perfume enjoying your personal favorite scent among his collection

• "y/n, you're late" woojin called as he waves at you.

• "i am not, you're just early" you rolled your eyes at him realizing that he wears his balenciaga pack again.

• others would find it weird but you call it 'pack' bcs his overall fashion is all balenciaga and it makes you roll your eyes more at him bcs you already know that he's freaking rich

• does he want to slap on my face that he could buy this entire house just for me to say that he's freaking rich? you thought.

• woojin pulled your wrist making you sit beside him

• it's not that you feel awkward with him, what's with the pulling and the intense gaze that he gives you right now

• y/n can't look straight at woojin bcs of her wildly beating heart.

• woojin held your chin so that you could have an eye to eye contact and when you two have—

• "woojin i—"

• "y/n i—"

• you both said at the same time.

• when you broke eye contact and decided to stand up woojin stop you but this time he held your hand.

• he stands up filling the gap between the two of you

• y/n stand there froze don't know what to do

• again woojin approach you, slowly, pulling you closer to him (tho there's not that much diff abt hwi and woojin's height)

• "i like you, y/n" he said while seriously looking into your eyes

• and like instructions that you follow to do, next thing you knew you found yourself closing your eyes waiting for his lips to touch with yours

• but you suddenly feel dizzy,

• then started to feel hot, mixed emotions.

• "y/n?" "y/n?"

• you open your eyes finding yourself in front of your monitor having online classes

• "y/n, show us your talent now"

• you don't know what to feel, felt crying bcs finally you are now back with your original body, happy bcs woojin confessed to you a while ago, sad bcs you can't see and bond with them now, and there's a big question mark on why and how you returned in the time of your online classes.

[diveronarpg]

We’ve arrived at day four, everyone! Today, the admin team would like to take a moment to appreciate one another. Running a group for two years comes with many moments of excitement and joy. It’s incredible to see the plot make leaps and bound forwards, and watch characters that first began in our heads flourish into the player’s own on the dash. It also, admittedly, comes with its challenges; challenges we embrace with enthusiasm as a team, relying on one another and encouraging one another when life gets demanding.

For a DiVerona admin history lesson — Rosey and Jen first opened the group together in August 2018, preparing diligently to launch DiVerona and bring it to Tumblr after a few years of hiatus. Minnie acted as an invisible admin beginning August 2018, offering advice when requested, and came on as an official admin in MAY, 2019. Julie joined our team as the graphics admin in JULY, 2019 and ushered in a beautiful era and graphics revamp for Act II. Last, but certainly not least, Rogue was welcomed to the admin team in APRIL, 2020 to create stunning, heart-wrenching characters and continue building on the momentum of the plot.

Below, you will find a little love letter each admin wrote for one another. For this particular day, we will not be requiring any activity from our members. Feel free to take a break! If you’d like to show admin appreciation, you are free to do so, but we are not expecting it and hope you do not feel pressured to do so.

Thank you all for a wonderful two years of being admins of an incredible group like DiVerona!

JEN

My fire sign soulmate, my BITCH. As an admin, you bring aLL of the Montague spirit and heart and fire, and it shows in how passionate you are when guiding DiVerona’s story and development. Your creativity? Your flair for drama that inspires the most game-changing plot drops and the most iconic line in this group’s history? I mean, who else could have come up with infant king? For me, Jen, you embody the creative and collaborative spirit of DiVerona, and I treasure the fun you bring to the group and to the team. On a personal level, you have shown up for me time and time again. For that, I am so, so thankful for you. Your honesty is invaluable to me, whether you’re telling me I’m being impulsive or need to calm the hell down. You’re the sense of humor when we need it most, the ride-or-die who both starts adventures and cleans up the messes after, and my dear friend. — MINNIE

I’ve never met someone as passionate as you. You stick to your guns the whole way down and there’s something so deeply admirable in that -- you take such great pride in the things you do and how hard you work and what you bring to the table both as a writer and as an admin. We have exactly the same sense of humor and I love sending you memes and text posts through Discord at like, four in the morning, and seeing a reply from you when I wake up. It’s like taking a shot of orange juice right after rolling out of bed. Wakes me right up! You’re dedicated to the end, even when you’ve struggled, and I think that spokes both to your character and who you are as a friend. You’re like a sister to me in the sense I feel like we see right through each other, and I couldn’t be happier to know someone like you and get to work with you, even on opposite sides of the world. Our calls together are one of my favorite things to do -- we just click. <3 -- JULIE

Getting closer to you, Jen, has been one of my favorite parts of coming online as an admin. I have always admired you, I’ve always loved writing with you, but being your friend is one of the most rewarding things in the world. You have such fierce passion for things, all this burning intensity inside of you and an unflinching way of confronting the world that leaves me in absolute awe. The way you can always see around the corner to what a character needs (rather than what they want or what they might say) gives you such a great ability to build masterful plots and expand our world. Our shared weird insomnia has led to so many absolutely insightful, ridiculous, very hazy conversations, and I am shocked the team has put up with us for this long, but also more glad than anything in the world. Every word you write is precious to me, in character or out, and I’m going to save all of them forever so I can drag you within an inch of your life at ANY moment. Like a clingy little barnacle. I treasure both the experience of working creatively with you and of getting absolutely nothing done with you, and I love you with all my heart!! — ROGUE

to my idiot jen, sometimes i really can’t believe how we found each other again. i truly believe that it was no less than fate (and my utter disregard for any sense of self-preservation) that we would come into each other’s lives right when we did. i have never really questioned why or thought too much on how - because truly i cant really recall a moment where i didn’t know everything about you. there are so many things that i love about you: your tuna sandwiches and food pictures, our really really extensive aus, sharing with me every little frightening piece of your heart, forcing vulnerability and honesty and unconditional LOVE and being so very patient with me...over the past two years there has been so much that i’ve learned about you and still so much that there is still left to learn and love. i adore you to the moon and back you idiot. - ROSEY

JULIE

Hopefully you're not cringing too hard over this Very Formal Approach that I'm taking but trust me, if I could throw a meme in here somewhere I WOULD. Anyway, ever since you came on board, you've been nothing but a blessing to the team, and I mean that in every sense of the word. Your graphics and aesthetic vision for the group have inspired us in amazing ways, and beyond that you've lifted the team up with your pragmatic sense of judgement and gentle sensitivity to things. You really represent both sides of the same coin, dude, like… IT BLOWS MY MIND. I'm so happy to be sharing this anniversary with you, and I'm so proud of you and how far you've come ever since I met you, not just when it comes to the growth of your incredible talents but also when it comes to your writing and your maturity and pretty much everything about you. Thank you for being part of this amazing journey with us. I wouldn’t want to share it with anyone else. — JEN

Goosie, I really think you’re the closest thing to a renaissance woman I’ve met, not just in ability but also in who you are. Our entire admin team is pretty creative and original, but you are I think the true artist among us! And while your graphics are truly godlike and unlike anything I’ve ever seen in the RPC before, it’s in your writing I see it most. You’re the most versatile member on the admin team, Goosie, and I think you ground us in so many ways. Not just in doing major graphic makeovers or writing the single most iconic plot drop of DIVerona, but also with your kindness, compassion, intuition and self-awareness. I really would feel a little lost without you, Goosie - not only as an admin, but as a person! Every time you speak, I want to listen; every time you create anything, I want to frame it in a museum. I love you to fucking BITS, and I am genuinely so proud to call you buddy. (I thought about using friend instead, but buddy felt more accurate for us…) — MINNIE

Where would I begin? How can I even write a note when I feel like everything I do and every act I take is part of how much I love you, because it’s like, an entirely indelible part of me? Julie, you’re one of the most talented people in the world. Literally. Your writing is so piercing, so emotionally intelligent and brave and just vulnerable in a way I’ve never seen. Your graphics and art have such a passion to them; I think I love them because they’re beautiful, but I know I love them because I see little parts of you in them that delight me every time. I would crawl across broken glass to be a part of anything you do; I feel so lucky that I’m someone who often gets to see your works in progress, the messy edges of things, the half-finished projects. You bring such warmth to the team and such a grounded, different perspective; there have been so many times where we would entirely miss things if you hadn’t pointed them out when we were blind. You are our cornerstone, the one who anchors and glues us all together in so many ways, and I want to bask in that warm glow of your sunlight forever. — ROGUE

to my dearest julie, i wish i could just put a cody ko meme here but i am ABSTAINING EVEN THOUGH I FEEL LIKE YOU KNOW WHICH CODY KO MEME I WOULD PUT HERE. whenever i think about the times that i dragged you back into my life...like there are so many things in life i thank god i did but keeping you in it EVEN WHEN YOU TRIED TO ESCAPE MY CLUTCHES - that is number 1. having late night conversations with you about literally everything and anything makes my heart feel so full. you have been so much to me and trying to put it into words is really really difficult because none of them feel like they’re ever going to be enough. i love you for so many reasons: your humility, your determination to be there whenever, every single video and podcast you send me, your ability to listen and make people feel heard. you are special and if we are to take on this world i thank god i get to take it on with you. i love you. -- ROSEY

MINNIE

We complete each other and THAT'S JUST THE TEA. I admit, I can be a little over the top and just Too Much sometimes, but you always get me, and it's something that I appreciate more than I can put into words. You're the rock of this team, Minnie, and even though it's a pretty lame way of saying it, it feels right. I truly don't know where the team would be without you, but I know it wouldn't be anywhere near where it is now. You have a way of holding us together, of keeping us steady when we're weighed down or doubtful, with your kind heart, endless calm and unconditional support. I honestly don't know what to thank you for because it feels like there's way too many things and I wouldn't even know where to begin… but thank you for being here and being at our side through everything. I'm so proud of you and the amazing, one of a kind person that you are, and I wouldn't wanna share such a special moment with anyone else. — JEN

When it comes down to it, I think the best word to describe you would be a powerhouse. I’ve never met a woman in my life who works quite as fucking hard as you do -- and if not harder, then smarter, y’know? This past year I’ve spent getting to know you more and more, slowly wheedling you into opening up (motherfucker! We are Known in this house!) and sharing bits and pieces of myself, I’ve come to admire you just for who you are as a person. I’ve learned so much from you in standing my ground and not letting the wind blow me over. You’re funny and witty and sharp as a knife when it comes to your style of prose, and your love not just for Maeve and Paola but for the group shine through everything you do. You’ve held us all together like glue when we needed some extra assistance and let us know when we needed to pick things up, too. You’re open and honest with your feelings and I value that so much about you, knowing I can come to you and lay the cards down and ask your opinion on things and you’ll give it to me straight. I’ve never really had someone “at my back” in the sense of friendship, but oh man, Minnie, you make me feel safe, and I think you’ll know how much that means when I say it. -- JULIE

Oh, no, I’ve already been so embarrassing about how much I love you Minnie!! I suppose it’s only right I do it on main as well. I genuinely feel like I haven’t had another friend in my life who balances with me so well. When we’re united and on our peak shit, we complete each other, shoring up the places where we’re both insecure, making us both feel safer with each other nearby. I’ve written some of my favorite dynamics in RP with you, here at DV, and I don’t think I’d have grown half so much in my outside life or my rp life without you there to talk to. You are also the absolute rock of this team, to steal Jen’s words. When we’re all freaking out and afraid to act or worried about getting stuff wrong, you cut through everyone’s bullshit and get right to the heart of the matter. Your direct and straightforward way of speaking and of loving is a force for good in the world and on the team, and you are also maybe one of the funniest people alive, or at least in my acquaintance. I love your laugh, I love how open you are with your heart when you’re with us, I love you so very much. I want to write with you and talk to you for as long as you let me. — ROGUE

to twin-flame minnie, i wish you could see my face as i type this because this amount of vulnerability is making me like...ew. but minnie your soul resonates with me so much - never would i have ever thought in the time that we’ve known each other (it really did start with a conversation about glitter and then somehow just expanded from there and tbh i am not at all surprised) that i would bare myself to you as much as i have and felt completely and totally understood without having to say things in so many words. i cannot wait for the day when i can sweep you into my arms in a great big hug and i probably will cry when i do because i love you so much. there are too many things to love about you: from your signature giggle, to your ability to take on the world, to your conscientious growth as a person...you give me so much hope. and i don’t think it’s necessary to say anything more than that. i love you. -- ROSEY

ROGUE

When you first joined, you fit into the team so naturally, Rogue, it honestly felt as though you had always been a part of it. I remember being SHOOK AS FUCK at all the incredible things that you were doing in NO TIME, like, right from the start, you crafted the most amazing bios, offered the most rich and intriguing input for the plot, and helped us when it comes addressing issues and concerns in a way that made it all so much easier to tackle over time. Not to mention your sunny presence and the unconditional support that you offer, which never fail to brighten everything when we hit a bump in the road or things get a little tough. It's amazing to consider all that you've achieved and all the ways you've uplifted the team despite being with us for the least amount of time. In my eyes, you've always been with us, and I'm SO fucking proud of you and happy to be sharing all of this with you. Thank you for being a part of this team, and a part of this journey with me. — JEN

Maybe it’s a little cheesy to say, but I think the universe meant for us to meet, and having you on the team with us is a gift. We all mesh together so well and you pull things up out of nowhere on the fly, whether it be individual character plot development or actually writing The Most Iconic Plot Drop Of All Time(TM) and letting me tack on a little flourish at the end. You’re like... the cheese to my cracker, the whipped cream to my slice of pie, the biscuit with my coffee. We complete each other, and you listen to me when I really need to just word vomit all over the floor about something either entirely related or all too related, from time to time. I know if I need to call you anytime I can, and maybe my favorite memory of 2020 so far has been us watching Cats together and just suffering the entire time, but getting through it together. You’re funny, smart, endlessly endearing, work harder than the devil when it comes to threads and replies, and I’m grateful as all get out to have you with me in life!! -- JULIE

ROGUE, YOU REALLY CAME IN HERE AND SAID YEAH, I’M GOING TO SHAKE SHIT UP FROM DAY ONE. Whew, I remember one week you knocked out like four bios back-to-back and I just stood there trying to stop myself from booking a flight to your city and camping out in front of your house like the stan that I am. Sometimes, I still can’t believe there was a day you weren’t on the admin team because you not only fit seamlessly, but you also are just so essential now. Everything you’ve done in the few months since you joined our team, Rogue, has been *chef’s kiss* flawless. From the characters that I’m ANXIOUS to see on the dash to the ways you’ve helped guide our decisions and responses, I can’t imagine DiVerona and the admin team without you anymore! You brighten my day on a daily basis, and I love brainstorming with you, screaming with you, and I just love YOU! — MINNIE

to baby rogue, you see and know my True Sinner Nature rogue and the fact that you, in turn, have shared yours with me makes me feel so warm and bubbly inside - as well as makes me giggle. we really do have this habit of taking little smidgens of inspiration and connections and growing them into something extraordinary. geeking out about anything and everything within that encyclopedic brain of yours is one of my favorite things - our late night conversations, watching cursed together, plucking characters and plots from each other’s names as if they were already written in the stars...i dont know how to live without. there are so many things that i love about you: how you want to make everyone feel seen, how inclusive you are and kind, how you foster such creativity to others...i love and treasure you so very much. and we have so many more characters and worlds to explore together. -- ROSEY 

ROSEY

I don’t think I'll ever forget the day that you asked me if I'd like to be an admin and offered me a spot on the team. It was just you, me and Bree back then and I was way in over my head, but you made me feel at home without even trying, honestly. DV is my first longstanding admin experience and truly the best one I've ever had, and it’s all thanks to you, which is something that I'll always cherish and keep close to my heart. I've looked up to you, learned a lot from you and felt inspired by you over the years, not just because everything was so new to me at the start, but because you're a guiding light for anyone who's lucky enough to have you in their life and share with you the experiences that I have. I'm so incredibly proud of everything we've done together, and proud of you most of all. Thank you for being the one to bring me along for this amazing journey, Rosey, and thank you for going through it with me for two amazing, unforgettable years. — JEN

I think, sometimes, that people think I’m joking when I tell them you saved my life, Rosey Ro, but you did, in a way that I would never have guessed. I felt utterly alone, coming fresh out of a physically and mentally abusive relationship, juggling court dates and other things that seemed impossible to conquer. I’d left Diverona unsure of my present, what I’d considered my past, and my future, but I happened to log into Discord one day and came upon that good ole’ 9+ messages notification. All of them were from you. Every single one. It felt like a sign, of some kind, and so, as I scraped my life together, we chatted and I re-apped for DV, and in spite of tumultuous times on both our ends, I don’t regret a fucking minute of it. You have truly helped me in figuring out who I am as an individual person, where I fit in the world, and with every crisis and “OH SHIT” moment, you’ve been there for me, whether it was in your writing, your jokes, late night calls with you, messages over Whatsapp knee-deep in irritation or excitement. You’re the older sister I never got to have. Without Diverona, my life wouldn’t be the same. Without you, my life wouldn’t be the same. I love you so much. -- JULIE

How far we’ve come since we talked about Greek life parties and glitter… Rosey, my sister sign and my mirror, the mother to my father, I love you very much. Your creativity is – as we all can tell from DiVerona’s success – UNMATCHED, and your heart goes even deeper than I think most people realize. For someone who writes some of the scariest and evilest characters, you are one of the most considerate, thoughtful and empathetic people I’ve yet to meet. Thank you for creating this space and reminding us time and time again that we’re more than just admins; we’re individuals with Big Feelings as well as Big Brains. You did an amazing job, Rosey. It doesn’t get said enough, and if I could, I would tattoo it to your brain if it meant it would stick: you created a beautiful group, and no one can take that away from you. — MINNIE

Rosey, Rosey, Rosey. All of this is your fault. I never thought I would join any kind of mafia RP, always having been prone to more fantastical settings in my preferences, but when you asked me to look around at the bios, how could I say no? How could I have known it would entirely change my life? Before DV and in DV, you and I have written some of my favorite relationships to work on, some of my favorite threads of all time. You pull out such creativity from me that I never would’ve imagined existed in my brain. I love you such a ridiculous amount. I could, would, and do talk to you about anything and everything. I want to spend like 50 years of my life fighting with you over whether Hope from Legacies is hot and indulging in our weird shared white boy thirsts. You are so funny, so talented, so bright, so interesting and I don’t know how I got so lucky as to be your friend. If you and I aren’t writing together when we’re 80 it’s because I died early and tragically and you wore a sexy fascinator to my funeral. — ROGUE

[side-effect-of-the-meds]

Yo yo yo I need to kno more about Cleo!!!

After nearly a month (possibly more) here are some answers! Thanks for your ask, love

Tradition states that only rival heirs of the Moriyamas are sent to the branch family. As a girl, Riko was never a threat. However, since Riko’s mother died giving birth to her, Kengo blames the death of his wife on Riko and banishes her. The thing about the Moriyamas are that they’re coldhearted bishes so, when they love, they love with everything they’ve got. With Kengo’s wife dead, his life is cold and empty once more. The name Riko is not be uttered in the Moriyama household, especially not near Kengo. He will scream and cry and throw things. His grief is loud and violent. Many of Kengo’s men are from his wife’s family or were saved by her from disease and poverty. They owe her their lives and in her dying moments she called them all together to ask of them one last favor. She asked them to renew their pledges to Kengo and be there for him, no matter the cost. None of them refuse. Many silent tears are shed at her funeral. Anyway, all of the men are exceptionally loyal to him bc of this promise. Knowing Kengo’s frenzied grief if over the loss of the woman who loved them all as if they were her own children strengthens their bond with him. All of them secretly keep tabs on Riko, though. She looks just like her mother and it soothes their ragged souls to see their Mistresses features on her daughter. 

Kengo’s men aren’t the only people secretly seeking solace in Riko. All the mystery shrouding the existence of his sister is the reason Ichirou was so intrigued by her. You know how Ania has a binder full of snippets of Kevin and Riko and their achievements and stuff? He has one too, dedicated solely to his sister. He secretly watches her games and interviews. 

Kengo’s sister, Kana, is always around. She is Kengo’s best friend and closest advisor. When Kengo’s grief gets too much for him, Kana is the one that picks up his broken pieces. At all of the ridiculous fundraising functions they have to attend, Ichirou catches Kana making funny faces at Kengo from across the room. He's stunned by the sight of the soft twitch of his father's lips as he shakes his head in amusement. Unlike his father, Ichirou is all alone. He blames his father for it. It’s hard being the heir to the most feared crime syndicate in America, especially when you’re going it alone. Riko isn’t alone. She has Kevin and Jean and soon she shall have the Wesninski girl too. Ichirou is just a little bit bitter. He spends a lot of time day-dreaming about the day he’ll meet his sister. Never in a thousand years did he imagine it with a gun pressed to her head. As he pulls the trigger, his heart shatters into a thousand pieces. He stares emptily out the window of the car. 

He doesn't find out about Cleo until Riko’s funeral. Everyone thinks he’s crying because his sister is dead. No. He’s crying because he’s an uncle and he hadn’t even known. After some investigation, he finds out the circumstances of Cleo’s conception. I’m not going into detail but let’s put it this way: Tetsuji doesn’t survive Ichirou’s wrath. It isn’t a quick death either. 

Ichirou loved his sister wholeheartedly but he never got to tell her so. Knowing what he does now, he realizes that she was just as lonely as he was. More than anything, he does not want Cleo to suffer as he and Riko did. His first instinct is for him to take Cleo back. He’ll raise her as every Moriyama woman is raised: a Goddess to be feared and revered. At the funeral he has seen the child sleeping soundly in Wesninski’s arms and now a small part of him stalled. Life as the daughter of Riko and Tetsuji Moriyama will not be easy. If the public ever found out the circumstances under which Cleo was conceived, they’d riot at the very idea of her being raised by her uncle. Ichirou had already denounced his uncle and cut ties with him. He was a blemish on the Moriyama name that now threatened to bring them down entirely with his careless actions. No, Ichirou could not take Cleo back. Not if he wanted to preserve some semblance of his family's dignity. Or so her told himself. 

Unlike his father, Ichirou wasn’t quite as coldhearted. Warmth still bloomed in his chest at the laughter of children and smiles still tinged his lips at the sight of the joys of others. Pain still stabbed through him at the sight of men bleeding out on the concrete before him and guilt kept him up at night, tormenting him with thoughts of the families of women left husbandless and children now fatherless. Above all else, he felt nothing but love for his baby niece and he wanted her to love him too. There would come a day when Cleo learned the truth herself. What would she think of Ichirou then? No matter what she might say, there would always be a hint of doubt in her mind insinuating falsehoods about him. Anguish washed over Ichirou at the very thought. He didn’t think he’d survive Cleo harboring so much as a single seed of hate in her heart for him. Staying away from her was for the best. 

It’s a lot harder than he thought it would be, though. Cleo now lived at Palmetto State in the care of Abigail Winfield and David Wymack. Riko was Evermore’s unofficial mascot and now Cleo was Palmetto’s. Her face is plastered across every screen in the nation. Many Raven fans are livid with rage. This is the highest betrayal. Riko Moriyama had a child and no one said anything?!?!?! Riots are a thing. Someone tried to kidnap Cleo to take her back to Evermore. 

The attempted kidnapping is the final straw. First of all, they’re dismembered parts were sent home to their family in a UPS box. Second of all, Ichirou holds a press conference in which he reveals the truth about Cleo’s birth, explaining why he can’t take her in, and making a thinly veiled threat to the remaining Raven fans about what would happen to the next person who tried to harm her. No one ever bothers Palmetto State again. 

Cleo grows up hating Riko. For a long time, she doesn’t know she’s Riko’s daughter. All photos of Riko are banned. The adults only ever talk about her when they think Cleo is asleep. Cleo wakes in the middle of the night for a drink of water and creeps over to the kitchen. She can hear the adults angrily hissing at one another. They’re talking about someone named Riko with as much hate as Cleo’s ever heard. Wymack is always mad but this is something else. Abby seems upset as well, a truly rare sight. She doesn’t know who Riko is but she hates her now. 

Cleo only finds out when she goes to school. After intense debate, the Foxes decided to keep her last name as it was. It was already too well known to do anything about it. Some kid comes from an exy obsessed family and mentions that she looks a lot like Riko Moriyama. Cleo gets sent to the principal's office for punching the kid. 

Wymack and Abby can no longer hide it. They sit her down at the kitchen table and tell her the truth. Cleo doesn’t take it well. Maybe I’ll talk about the specifics later but there’s quite a bit of work that goes into that and I need to clear the asks that are already in my inbox. 

She knows who her father is too but the details are limited because of course they are. She’s like 7 rn. 

After all this drama, she learns about her Uncle Ichirou. She goes behind Wymack and Abby’s backs to send him a letter. It’s written in red crayon on a sheet of black construction paper: Evermore’s colors. Ichirou flips his shit. His beloved little niece has just found out the truth about her birth and the first thing she did was write to him. 

It’s after this that Ichirou ends up abolishing the branch family entirely. He keeps all three of his kids, one daughter and two sons, by his side. He’s still the head of the yakuza tho so I mean… he still tortures and kills people. His kids grow up the same way.  He’s literally only soft for his wife, kids, and Cleo. 

Ania has a bunch of galas and charity balls that she has to attend because she ‘donates’ to the Moriyama foundation. Ichirou makes her bring Cleo along so he can see her. Erin doesn’t like the thought of Ichirou being around Cleo so the three of them always arrive together and Erin is never far from Cleo. If she can’t be around, Jeanie, Jeremy, Kevin, or Thea are there. Ichirou is never left with Cleo unsupervised for obvious reasons. He wishes it didn’t have to be that way but he understands their concern and lets it go.

Since Ichirou isn’t really allowed to show physical affection towards her, Cleo gets spoiled rotten by her uncle. Every Christmas, there’s a shit ton of presents on Wymack’s doorsteps. All the labels read To: Cleo From: Santa in Ichirou’s unmistakable handwriting. There’s also just a bunch of presents that show up out of the blue. At least once a month, there’s some very expensive-as ‘thing’ in the mail. I mean, this shit belongs in museums. They’re almost always Japanese bc Ichirou doesn’t want her to forget her heritage. She’s got a lot of kimonos and a few samurai swords and ornate hair clips and umbrellas and shoes. She’s got a lot of scrolls written in Japanese too which is why she asks Kevin to teach her to speak and write it. Some of the scrolls are actually letters to her from Ichirou. These all go in a special box that she keeps on the top shelf of her closet.

Speaking of Kevin, Thea is an absolute miracle worker. It’s a long road to his recovery but Thea is there for him the whole way. Cleo is the biggest hurdle on this road. She looks just like Riko. She’s got the same bright laugh and brilliant smile. She has the same features as her mother, and grandmother by default, and has the same build. Looking at her, all Kevin can see is Riko. 

One day he goes to pick her up from daycare. He can only watch as one of Cleo’s friends pushes someone else off the swings and offered the seat to Cleo. Kevin’s heart stopped. Riko would most definitely take the seat, kicking up the mulch in the other child’s face. Instead, Cleo shoves her friend aside and extends a hand to the boy on the ground. She helps him to his feet and wipes away the tears on the little boy’s face. She picks the mulch out of his hair and the splinters from his hand. Kevin is close enough to hear her say to him that a kiss will make it better. She kisses his palm and turns back to her friend. She tells the girl off. Before they know it, the little girl is bawling her eyes out. Cleo hugs her but insists that she needs to apologize to the boy. Satisfied by her friend’s meek apology she offers the kid his seat back. He shakes his head and asks if the girls want a turn. It’s the first time Kevin realizes that Riko and Cleo aren’t the same person. Kevin totally isn’t crying when he calls her over and checks her out of the daycare center. 

Growing up at Palmetto, Cleo meets a lot of kids from broken homes. As a result she becomes really compassionate. She also becomes really touchy-feely. When the kids are sad she likes to give them hugs and hold their hands or pet their hair. She also makes? Them? Presents? Like little beaded necklaces and friendships bracelets. She makes an orange and white rubber band bracelet thing for Wymack and now he keeps his keys on it.

As I’ve mentioned, Cleo is ten when Erin and Ania get married and ask her to come and live with them. Wymack and Abby drive her up to the girls’ apartment in New York. Cleo is all nerves when she arrives. She’s grown up calling them Mom and Mama but now she’s going to live with them. Like…. Permanently!!!!!!!!!!

Standing in front of the door, she can’t bring herself to knock. Wymack kneels down in front of her and asks her what’s wrong. 

“What if they’ve changed their minds?” Cleo whispered. 

“Worst case scenario?” Wymack asked. “You’ll come back with us. I don’t think Abby and I are all that bad.” 

“You’re not,” Cleo replied, hastily. Wymack stood back up.

“Look, kid. It’s not going to be easy for them to adjust to having you around but they will. There isn’t a soul on the face of the Earth that loves you more than they do. How could they not? You’re pretty fucking great,” he said. Abby pursed her lips at Wymack’s language but said nothing. 

“You ready, Cleo?” she asked. Cleo nodded and Abby’s face brightened with a smile. The door opened just as Cleo mustered up the courage to knock. Arms wrapped around her and picked her up off the ground. Ania’s laughter rang in Cleo’s ears as the crushing weight of the hug knocked the air from her lungs. Kisses were speckled all across her face as Ania stepped out of the apartment and swung Cleo around until they were too dizzy to go on. The world was still spinning as Cleo collapsed beside Ania. 

“She’s been here less than a minute and you’re already trying to kill her?” The familiar rough voice caught Cleo’s attention. As her vision settled, she saw Erin leaning against the door frame. 

“Mom,” Cleo whispered, in awe as if Erin was an apparition. Erin remained in the doorway, stone-faced and covered in flour. 

“Not going to give your mom a hug?” Erin asked finally. Cleo was on her feet in less than a second. She barrelled into Erin’s open arms, nearly knocking her over. Tears gushed from Cleo’s eyes. “The hell are you crying about, Little One?” Erin muttered into Cleo’s hair. Cleo loosed a shaky laugh. She let Erin pick her up and heard the voices of the others as they entered the house. 

Cleo loves living with Erin and Ania. Like Wymack said, there’s an adjustment period but it’s not super long or uncomfortable. Erin is really good with kids and Ania really loves Cleo so they make it work. 

Sometimes Cleo gets sad, though. Her moms have games that they have to go to often so they’re always flying out to them. Fortunately, Aaron and Katelyn are living up in New York too. It’s about a two hour drive out to Uncle Aaron’s. Cleo loves being with him and her cousins, the twins, Lila and Leena. They’re really nice and Cleo gets along with them really well. They stay up late braiding each others’ hair and whispering secrets and telling stories. Katelyn makes the best mac and cheese on the face of the planet Earth and she always makes it whenever she knows Cleo’s especially down. They all sit on the couch together to watch Cleo’s moms’ games. Cleo catches her uncle hasilty scrubbing tears from his eyes at the sight of his sister’s rare, fierce grin.

Uncle Nicky and Uncle Erik are great. They don’t have kids. Instead they have two corgis named Micheal and Jude that fight all the time. The only time they ever seem to get along is when they’re with Cleo. The two of them like to sit on opposite side of Cleo, sandwiching her in the middle. 

Uncle Erik is a pastor at the church and he sings in the choir. He’s almost as good a singer as Erin… almost. He teaches Cleo how to sing. He also really likes to bake. Often, Cleo’s moms go on dates where they wander around Stuttgart together and just enjoy each other’s company. They almost always come home to find Erik and Cleo coated in flour and sugar and chocolate. Cleo uses her newfound baking skills to make things to her mom. Erin is living for it. Ania doesn’t approve of the unhealthy diet but she knows Cleo bakes with love so she limits how much Cleo is allowed to bake and instates portion control. 

Cleo is mildly claustrophobic and the worst of it happens on planes. Ania and Erin have a pre-flight ritual that they extend to include Cleo in as well. Every time Erin has to get on a plane and Ania is there to see her off, she has Erin roll back her armbands (she doesn’t wear them anymore but this was back in college) and draws a little heart on the inside of her wrist. Once it dries, Ania will press a kiss to the little heart. Growing up, Ania didn’t like plane either so her mother used to do this for her to quiet her fears. It makes Erin and Cleo feel very loved and protected. I mean, they know it doesn’t actually doing anything but it always makes them feel a lot better. 

On Saturday mornings, most kids wake up early to watch cartoons. Cleo wakes up to go snuggle with her moms. She’s around 12/13 when she starts this. Most of her moms’ games are on Fridays and they get back late at night or really early in the morning. Cleo wakes up at 9 a.m. and makes breakfast for the three of them and set the table. Everything is usually ready around 10 so she’ll creep into her moms’ room. Both of them are light sleepers so they’ll hear her come in. They sleep spooning each other but they always make space between the two of them so Cleo can wriggle in between them. Their cats, Sir and King, usually come in too. It soft and warm and all of them are happy. 

Cleo is obviously a part of an exy team. She’s the biological daughter of Riko Moriyama and is being raised by Exy stars Erin and Ania Minyard-Josten. What did you expect? 

She’s a striker. A much better one than her mother was. Better than Kevin too. The only person that outshines her is Ania but it doesn’t bother Cleo. In fact, it gives her something to aspire towards. She and Ania spend a lot of late nights out at the court with Erin in goal. Family bonding time :’)

Cleo likes getting her nails done. She usually does this with Ania. Ania only ever gets her non-dominant hand done and Cleo doesn’t understand. She only starts to understand once she gets married but I’ll get to that in a minute. 

There’s about a 3 year difference between Cleo and Amalia. Okay, look. Kevin’s grad party was wild and he and Thea might have had a little too much to drink. That’s how Amalia is conceived. Thea is mortified. Kevin asks her if she wants an abortion. Both of them are pro-choice, especially after learning everything that went down with the birth of Cleo. Thea believes in the right to choose but she could never have an abortion herself. She gives birth to Amalia and it devastated her. Her entire career is put on hold so she can have her baby. Kevin is stressed. He wants doesn’t want to sacrifice Thea’s happiness for that of their child.  The only compromise they can work out is to have their contracts transferred. They join the team based in Columbia, an hour and a half from the Foxhole Court. They wouldn’t dare ask Wymack to raise their child but they do ask for his help. Whenever they travel, Wymack and Abby babysit their granddaughter. The Monsters are at Palmetto for one more year so they help out too. Ania isn’t good with kids other than Cleo but she does her best to help. Jeanie and Jeremy get named the godparents but they don’t get to see Amalia often until Thea and Kevin move out to the West Coast. The Muldani-Days live in Seattle and the Knoxs remain in California. Visiting them is painful for Ania and Erin but they make new memories with them and so it isn’t all bad. 

Cleo and Amalia are best friends. Kevin and Thea live on the West Coast, on the other end of the nation, so the girls skype a lot. They binge watch shows together like this and help each other with homework too. They always get to see each other when their parents play each other at games and during holidays. Sometimes Kevin will let Amalia stay over with Erin and Ania or vice versa. All of this takes a serious mental toll on Cleo. She’s head over heels for Amalia. Sleeping literal inches from her is going to drive Cleo insane. Amalia is as much of a clingy sleeper as her father so she will often throw and arm over Cleo while asleep and draw her close. Cleo is certain she’s going to die then and there. 

Anyway, Kevin is shook. All his ptsd comes crashing back in a massive wave. He remembers how Riko treated him. What is Cleo does the same to Amalia? It doesn’t take him long to snap out of it. Cleo was raised in a loving home by Wymack, Abby, and the Foxes. All of them are broken but it's part of what made them such good people for her to around. Cleo has learned compassion to a degree that Kevin could only imagine. She is kind-hearted and loving and incredibly genuine. No one was ever going to be good enough for Amalia in Kevin’s eyes but Cleo was definitely as close as he’d hoped to find. 

He doesn’t say anything to Amalia. He doesn’t want to hurt Cleo’s chances but he doesn’t want to force his daughter to pick Cleo for his sake either. 

Amalia picks Cleo of her own free will. Their wedding is massive. Kevin breaks down crying as he walks her down the aisle to Cleo. Cleo rushes off the altar and helps him to his feet. She and Amalia walk him to the end before depositing him in a seat beside Thea. They’re all giggles and bright smiles as they stand together at the altar. 

They honeymoon in the French countryside. They spend most of it in bed together. Amalia is asexual so no that’s not what I meant, you heathens. They just curl up beside one another talking and giggling and kissing bc they’re happy and in love. 

Amalia and Cleo become foster parents. They do adopt but it usually older kids, late teens. Due to their age, few of them live with their moms but they all come together for the holidays. 

Holidays are hell. Cleo and Amalia have like eight kids and then they’re usually fostering someone. A lot of their kids are married and have their own kids plus their parents and uncles/aunts + grandparents show up. This is the only reason Cleo and Amalia live in a mansion. They need to be able to accommodate all these people. 

They grow old together. They have those shared tombstones with their graves side by side. Cleo dies first. Amalia doesn’t cry. She laughs and dances and tells stories about her wife. Cleo’s funeral is a celebration of her life not the mourning of her death, just the way she would have wanted it to be. 

Every day up until her own death, Amaila places pink and white carnations on Cleo’s grave. She’ll sit by her grave and read all her favorite books to her. Amalia misses Cleo dearly but she believes that she’ll return to her beloved when the time comes. 

[prettywordsyouleft]

Different Kisses with Park Seo Joon

Thank you for your request. Today I’ve already posted Boyfriend! Park Seo Joon so let’s look into his kisses, shall we? Much like I mentioned before in the first scenario, I’m a huge fan of his acting but I had to research a little to see if my thoughts matched! I hope you can enjoy this. Because I’m writing this back to back, I’m using the same situation as I did in his first scenario. It’s also not as detailed as usual because I really feel like I’m repeating myself so please check out his Boyfriend! scenario for the details that are missing from here.

Kissing Park Seo Joon is like stepping into a Korean Drama yourself and experiencing that mind blowing moment where everything stops when his lips meet yours.

First kiss:

You went on precisely five dates before Seo Joon actually kissed you. He was charming and traditional with courting you, taking you out for coffee, then for a dinner and movie, after that you went to an art exhibition together, a day trip to the beach was your fourth date and finally you had invited him over to yours for a private dinner date, wondering if tonight would be the night where you could become more intimate. You appreciated his pace a lot even though you were often left with avid fantasies of what his lips would feel like upon yours when he dropped you back home. Tonight though you had nowhere to go and hoped it would be you kissing him goodnight before he left.

Dinner went well and snuggling on the sofa was well underway when you felt the man holding you shift a little, your eyes moving from the screen to his face. He was silently watching you with an intense look within his dark eyes, his head inching closer to yours. He hesitated just before your lips, letting out a small breath of air. “Can I kiss you?” he asked and you answered by pushing through the space between you and into his lips, your stomach erupting with desire as he steadied your approach, kissing you back fervently, his hand around your body tightening as his kiss deepened. He finally pulled back, stunned. Seo Joon hadn’t expected your first kiss to be that passionate but it definitely lit the fire within him for you, kissing you all night long and even accepting your goodnight kiss when he reluctantly left you for the night.

Public kisses:

Even though you’ve been dating for some time and Seo Joon is publicly known for being in a relationship, he is still protective and he tries his best to limit PDA to holding hands or slinging an arm around your waist. There are exceptions to this, such as when you’re overseas together (we’ll get to this) or when out on a date. He’ll often kiss the side of your head when feeling more affectionate, using the proximity to talk into your ear what he’s thinking of you.

Private kisses:

Behind closed doors though Seo Joon is very affectionate. He loves holding you in his arms, kissing you gently with lots of smiles. He enjoys seeing how your eyes light up right after you’ve kissed him, running his thumbs gently over your cheeks and grinning down at your slight dishevelled expression. Even soft kisses with Seo Joon have the ability to make your heart beat differently and your breathing gets hitched. He likes this effect he holds over you, never wanting to admit that whilst you’re recovering from his kiss that his own heart is just as shaky.

Whenever he gets home from work, you’re the first stop he has after taking off his shoes and shrugging off his coat. If you have been apart for some time, he loves nothing more when he hears you come running from where you had been at his arrival and jump up into his arms, kissing you over and over until you’ve both lost the ability to breathe through making up for lost time. Otherwise, he’ll come and find you, reaching for your lips and entwining them with his, kissing you with demand from being away from you all day.

Domestically, he’s helpful enough and likes spending time in the kitchen with you, assisting as you cook, hugging you from behind and kissing the side of your face as you attempt to keep an eye on the meal in front of you, and well, not the one behind you. There’s also nothing sexier than seeing him vacuum or doing the dishes, skipping up to kiss him in rewards for his efforts.

A lot of the times when you don’t have anything planned you’re curled up in each other on the sofa watching movies or television, and it’s such an easy vantage point to place kisses on each other, soft and sweet pecks. Your favourite ones are those that build up into intense moments that make you thankful for being on the sofa as you feel weak all over when you finally pull away. The magic his lips have over you, I swear!

And he does love seeing you in his clothes, but admittedly, it doesn’t make him swoon nearly as much as other idols I write for, instead he laughs at how silly you look in his clothes, shaking his head at you when you ask him what the problem is. You always tell him you do it because they smell like him and he’s now thinking of other ways to make you smell like him if you catch my drift. (It’s a good thing we’re heading into making out now, right?)

Making out:

(I’m not usually one to put gifs in but I just had to)

When things get passionate between you it builds up pretty quickly in the beginning. Making out doesn’t have a routine or a gesture that welcomes the emotions to flow – any time of the day and any situation when you’re in private can elicit you to both end up wrapped up in each other. He loves pinning you against the wall, his hands on either side of your head as he kisses you deeply but if there’s no wall close enough, he lifts you up onto the counter or table, arching your body up into him as he moans into your mouth over how heated it’s feeling already. He loves when your hands go to his hair, tugging gently as you gasp at his lips leaving a trail of kisses over your upper chest, shoulders and neck, anywhere that he can access your skin from. His hands start roaming over your body, gripping at your curves, and sliding up and down over you, driving you insane. Making out definitely has the ability to head to the bedroom, Seo Joon cursing with how much you make him crazy for you, swiftly picking you up in his arms and taking you to a place where he can appreciate every inch of your body before making you cry out his name in absolute pleasure.

Morning kisses:

Waking up is affectionate with Seo Joon. Full of smiles as you open your eyes to gaze at the man with his loosely draped arm over your waist, your lips spreading out further with his husky morning greeting. And then he’s reaching over to brush his lips over yours softly, humming lightly in happiness at starting out another day with you. It makes you reach to hold his body closer to yours, burying into him and kissing at his bare chest a couple of times before you have to move and get ready for the day.

On the rare chance that neither you have anywhere to be, then you relish in laying in one another’s arms, lots of light conversation, giggles and nose bops mingled in with many soft kisses to your lips and forehead. If you could melt away, you would literally every morning with how beautiful he is to wake up beside.

Making up:

Fighting with Seo Joon is rare because he is exceptional with communication. It has always been important for you both to connect on a conversational level and since you’ve done so right from the beginning, not much really gets to the stage of an argument. But when it does it can get heated with Seo Joon’s persistent to be right and your reaction to your insecurities fuelling you on. Neither of you naturally like fighting with the other especially when it gets out of control, and you need space to calm down, to consider one another’s points without screaming at each other in the moment.

Eventually one of you will find the other to apologise and suggest a plan ahead, not wanting to waste any more time fighting over it. And when that’s sorted, or mostly done so, Seo Joon will lean his head up against yours, gauging to see if you’re ready to make up with him and feel connected again. You often smile, even if it’s still a little tense, reaching up for his lips in a soft embrace. It’s nice to know that even if things get heated between you, a gentle kiss can help ease the situation and put you back on track.

Gym kisses:

Working out together is something you both really enjoy doing and like most idols I write this for, it’s a rewarding time. With all the endorphins released and feeling really good inside and out, it’s natural that when you look at each other, Seo Joon’s lowering his head to meet yours with a quick peck or two as you smile at each other on your way back to the car. It’s an extra reward for the past hour of sweating it out, and you find if he really pushed you hard or if both your training was strenuous that day, when you’re in the car he follows it up with a deeper kiss, joking afterwards that it was to see if your lungs have improved after such a workout. You’ll accept this examination of your well-being any day.

Travelling kisses:

Seo Joon loves to travel the world with you at his side. And whilst it’s often for work, there are times in between projects where you can jet off someplace together, enjoying a whole new world within a different culture and making memories through photos and experiences. It’s easy within a place so far from home to relax your usual public affection, Seo Joon holding you close at his side in a relaxed manner, leaning down to kiss your cheek often, to talk into your ear or stopping to hug you in the middle of a market. At night when the light fades away so does his restrictions, kissing you with demand under the moonlight on a beach as you walk hand in hand, or sitting in the back of a boutique bar and kissing along your neck in intervals of watching the performance in front of you. It’s when you’re away like this that you feel the whirlwind of romance within a normal couple experience, not that you don’t appreciate the life you live with Seo Joon already but it’s nice to have these moments without a care in the world and his lips firmly attached to yours.

Critical kisses:

Naturally, with a job like Seo Joon’s, it can get pretty stressful at times. And with how competitive he is in nature to succeed at all he puts his mind to if he’s already stressed at doing everything, something unexpected thrown into the mix can really upset him and start his inner critic up. Thankfully, you can tell when he gets like this and offer him your support and advice, quickly diffusing any ability to beat himself up too much. And since you both can talk to the other through any kind of situation, Seo Joon is grateful for your quick recognition of his troubles, burying himself into you and thanking the Lord above for sending you to him. He kisses you from within the embrace first, finding your neck and lightly latching on before trailing up your jawline and sighing when his lips finally meet yours, demanding a little from you before calming back down and holding you close.

It’s not only you doing this for him though, whenever you’re upset with yourself you receive a very similar treatment, knowing that love can nurture away any type of critical thought.

Practice kisses:

Since Seo Joon has to learn his lines a lot for his projects and you often help him create the scene so he can practice out his lines effectively, it means you also spend a lot of time facing the romance within the story, playing the main female lead character. It’s only natural that when it gets to kiss scenes that you feel the flutters in your stomach erupt in anticipation, reading the lines ahead and chewing your lips at what you know is about to happen. And without fail every time it gets to the script prompt of the kiss, Seo Joon sweeps in to capture your lips, kissing you with such passion that if you weren’t being held up by him your knees would give way. Perhaps because words carry so much weight and desire behind them and you’re invested in playing out your role, these kisses feel more intense than his usual ones, leaving you breathless when he pulls back. With the way he’s panting as well, you know it’s not only you completely riled up, your eyes sizing up his now swollen lips and shaking your head.

“Never kiss anyone else like this,” you murmur before reaching for more of his kisses, blindly finding your way to the closest comfortable spot in the apartment, knowing full well your script lines were going to change now.

“Oppa” kisses:

It’s no secret that in Park Seo Joon’s career one of his highlighted characters is the one in Kill Me, Heal Me and this is definitely not lost on you. And whilst he whines at you when you playfully look at him, especially if you’re sitting at the table in your apartment drinking something, all whilst telling you not to, you still utter the “Op-pa?” line at him, his eyes growing wide despite knowing it was going to come. Sometimes, very rarely, he’ll say his own line in the drama, but most of the time he’s silent as you get up and throw yourself at him, kissing him over and over all over his face until you’re both giggling too hard, Seo Joon playfully throwing you off and darting around your living area with you hot on his heels. It’s so sweet and playful, and you wonder when he finally stops running about and holds you to him in defeat if he actually hates it as much as he protests. His face is flushed with happiness and the exertion of your play, and there is no better time than then to utter those three magical words at him, his expression changing to one full of complete love, his lips smacking down on yours to deliver you another heart-stopping kiss. Stop it you two, I want this so badly!

_________________

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Other Park Seo Joon Scenarios: Boyfriend! Seo Joon

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[ceejay1163]

The Teal* Bronco (*Turquoise)

First off I want to tag the amazing @aquadolan whose hilariously accurate reaction videos make me laugh cry every time I see them and makes me feel like we are experiencing the video together and having a laugh like a couple of mates despite being in opposite sides of the world.

Now for my reactions to 'Tricking my brother into thinking his car was flipped'

The ring mmhmmm just yes

The clapping tho? Not about it

Ethan has a shorter attention span then me and that's impressive

I did not pick the boys to like roller skating although they ice skate so it makes sense

Little bitch haha

I like the jumper. It looks fuzzy and cozy

How long did this take to plan? Honestly it seems like it would be taken forever

Roasting the matchingness to the car

He seems to actually be jealous that Gray's favourite car isn't the one he bought. That's adorable. Fuck I'm not even 2 mins into the video

And now the car is broken

Wait did I fuck up? Am I recording?

The gum Ethan. Eww for fuck sake mate don't be a pig.

'I have really bad attentional problems' yeah.. your English might need some work too

When's the last time I ate? -literally something I say most days

Roast him for dropping out of school and not remembering common phrases and sayings

Why do all Ethans pranks involve Graysons cars?

Also not wanting to say what time you wake up. Same

Laughing at yourself

I'm cool, I'm cool actually no I'm not

Groggy or drunk?

Slap. Pain kink anyone?

That damn projector

Air quotes

Did anyone understand the car mumbo jumbo? Like at all? Did anyone care?

Good job keeping a straight face Ethan. He won't suspect a thing.

Fun-ny

Why do boys turn everything into challenges? My nephews do it all the time

Full actor mode

Too many words in Google mate. Google doesn't care why you need a Photoshop artist

More air quotes. Except out of sync.

It's just a prank bro.

Bitter he can't go skating. Poor bubba

Morning voice half an octave lower. Yes please

Groaning. Thank you

I always end up falling asleep at least twice after waking up the first time before getting up. V relatable

Him jumping into bed to pretend to be asleep reminds me of being a kid and bolting through the house in the middle of the night after getting up to get a drink or something, trying to avoid monsters or waking up the parents

Jumpers with shorts?

He's got slippers. Awww

Realising a flaw in his plan when the car doesn't work.

Too many cars in the driveway

CRINGEY PHOTOS. WOO.

Fucking drama queen

That stupid photoshopped photo

Real us. Not actor mode us haha

Mr Dolan 😏

Doesn't analyze it too much. Good idea

He has such bloke-ish child like writing

The calf tattoo 🥺

Socks and slides Grayson? That's almost as bad as socks and sandals. Fucking hell

Love a man in light grey sweats

Run Ethan go back to bed. You're so grounded (idk)

He pulled Ethans hip so hard. Jesus

What is that bike thingy in the background?

WHO DOESN'T LOCK THEIR FUCKING CAR??? YOU FUCKING IMBECILE

Now Gray let's put on our big boy thinking caps. It's not Ethans fault. Entirely. You also didn't lock the fucking car

Booty 👀

Not knowing if you have insurance. Mate you should look into that. (Also a very me thing to not know)

Gray is loosing it. Like actually looks like he's gonna do the frustrated crying thing

"That's not chill you need to fix that." Pretty sure sleeping is pretty chill. Also how does one fix being a heavy sleeper (other then by having kids)

"You need to be able to wake up in the morning and get shit done" no need to call me out like that

Let me call the *mumble mumble mumble*

It's fucking turquoise- whelp fuck have to change the title

Who steals a turquoise car at 9am? He's loosing it

Awe he doesn't want people to get hurt. Cutie

Seriously why hasn't he called the police yet? When I got home from my nanas funeral to find my house broken into the first thing I did was call the cops. And then cry cos it was like 10pm and I'd just driven like 12 hrs so I was hella tired

He's V loud. And then V quiet.

You motherfucker. Ok rude but understandable

That sigh of relief and the laughter

All of the adrenaline just left Gray immediately. Also hiding under a blankie? adorable

"Where did you put it?" Immediately forgets haha

Did you ruin it and turn it pink or something? You're getting a rep E and why does Gray assume it would be painted pink?

The sound effect over Gray pulling up his pants to hide his plumbers crack 😂

You need to rub it out. I mean ok sure

"I kinked up bro" just why 😂

Slap. SPINNING. It's a theme park ride

You stole my car- Dude where's my car movie anyone?

Car upside down you say? Forshadowing

Grayson gives up on life.

Nope never mind he's dramatically throwing himself onto the bed and screaming into the blankets like a teenage girl

Also booty

FROG

Don't dance Grayson

It's all in the puff bro

Mr Dillon, not Dolan, Dillion

Grayson has left the building look

Nose boop

The eye movement. Wait you what?

Beard pulling

Give me the phone. No you are having the phone. Ok fine.

Intense eye contact for real tho

That dumbass look on his face. Grayson is shooketh to hell

Do they even understand any of this car mumbo jumbo? Does it even make any sense?

I don't know shit about insurance. Seriously dude that's not smart

MY CAR

That's not chill bro that's not chill at all. Putting them on a ban for the words chill and bro. More to be added. They use those words more then I use the word mate and that's impressive

I'm taking the phone and subtly suggesting human error (negligence) and a potential law suit

Oh you have footage? Talk to my older brother

I don't know much about cars. Dude

More stupid looks from Gray

I don't wanna see it

More screaming

More yelling Grayson

We can move your car but it's gonna cost you more money

Not falling for that pic

Just put it on the next one. Gray it's not a fucking bus. There's no schedule to have the next one come out. Use your head darlin'

More yelling in the car and swearing

How did he organise the street thing? Like actually.

Also surely it's illegal to pretend to have roadworks and fuck up traffic

VROOM. You go lil blue car

BULGE 👀 this is when I stopped paying attention the first time I watched it.

What is the camera guy (kyle?) wearing? Who said that be one were allowed to be a thing again? I'm not impressed

Grayson is v frustrated

DON'T LITTER

Neither of you should be allowed to dance. Its not good

That's the wrong question to ask about the camera guy's clothes

Fist clap

Wait where's the car? Is it safe? Poor Gray his brain is malfunctioning

Camera goes to Grayson. Ooh look bulge. Pans away. Move back ooh bulge.

If they keep upping the ante someone's gonna get hurt

I don't know what's inside of me. Never a good thing to say

Still allergic to dogs 🥺

HOLY SHIT THAT HAPPENED

I haven't heard you scream that much for that long 👀

Grayson's pretty loud. I would like to test that. Please and thank you.

Deep breathing

SOOOO HARD. (I volunteer)

I am going to prank the actual s out of Ethan. Really taking the not swearing thing seriously huh

Sure whatever you say. He doesn't believe you'll get him back Gray. Kick his ass

Bruh

Eric deserves a medal for his phone acting. Well done faceless dude named Eric

I give up. I give up on everything. If that's not a fucking mood

Double bitched sounds like it should mean something else. Just saying

Boob caress

My guard's up. No your guard can't be up. Pretty sure that's not how it works Grayson

Just don't hurt me. Grayson is so not listening to him. He's still mad

No rules

It was fake There's no rules

Ethan being hurt Gray doesn't love his present

Still mad.

Rubs sweat all over comfy jumper. Childish

HE STILL LOOKS FUCKING LIVID.

Alrighty take three of finishing this thing. Tumblr crashed yesterday after I spent like 2 hours writing this and deleted half my comments. I couldn't finish it then cos it was almost 2am and I had work today so I redid it from like the 20 minute mark of the video. Then I saved it to my drafts And published it but it deleted the last like 5 minutes of comments so I had to redo them again. Here's hoping Tumblr sorts it's shit out cos it's late and I have work again tomorrow. 🐨

[bts-love-sweat-tears]

Change of Heart (Follower Celebration Fic #3)

Title: Change of Heart

Pairing:  Jungkook x reader

Type: shifter!au, wolf!au, angst with a happy ending, Friday Night Lights meets Teen Wolf? Idk.

Word Count: 1,894

Rating: PG    

Warnings: mentions of depression post-bad breakup, language

A/N:   The third of five for my 200 follower celebration! Requested by a lovely anon. This literally wrote itself- I think you can tell sometimes when it flows easier. It was in the notebook that I carry around so I had a fun time deciphering my own handwriting lol. I was tempted to leave it open-ended and ambiguous as I am oft to do, but anon requested happy so I hope you love it. Except for the soulmate thing, it actually has very little to do with shifters.

A/N Update: Crap there are so many typos I’m sorry. Brain and fingers while typing don’t communicate well. Working on edits now, but was excited to get it out <3 

How could you even express what Jungkook meant to you? Until now, you had always kind of taken him for granted. Being with him was like breathing. You didn’t think about it until it lost its usual ease. Clearly, you were now in the emotional equivalent of a head cold. Kook was literally the boy next door, and the two of you had been inseparable since the day his parents had dragged him along to welcome the new neighbors; apple pie still steaming in their hands.

If your parents were surprised by the small-town niceties, you couldn’t say. Kook and you had been in the midst of a stare-down, some kind of weird kindergarten dominance battle. Later in life, you would realize just how dumb it was to stare down a wolf-shifter, but at the time you hadn’t even realized what he was, let alone the finer points of inter-species etiquette. And it didn’t much matter, since had caved first, and bounded over to wrap you in a hug. Most of your childhood memories from that time were filled with warmth, whether from the hugs or the pie you couldn’t say for certain.

You thought that warmth would continue forever, and for a long time, it did. Your childhood adventures with Kook were filled with pillow forts, catching fireflies, and watching Ironman approximately ten thousand times. But then puberty hit you both like a train, and in very different ways. His shifts started, and he shot up and bulked up, while you filled out in different places, both of you mutually pimply and suddenly awkward.

Childhood warmth morphed into a flame. Pleasant in small amounts but dangerous if left unchecked. So you tried your hardest to keep a lid on your growing feelings. Jungkook had long ago explained that shifters get one mate for life, usually another shifter, so that the person wouldn’t be destroyed by the other not reciprocating their feelings. He had explained that while “mate” implied something physical, it was actually so much more than that-two halves of the same soul residing in different bodies. Not someone to fuck with, literally or metaphorically.  The way he had talked about it at the time made it seem like something far off, like college, marriage, or having kids, so the two of you worked hard in tiptoeing around what that might mean for your friendship. Instead, the two of you continued as you always had, and if his parents shot the two of you knowing looks, neither of you acknowledged it.

As high school dragged on, the two of you became busier, him with varsity football and you with drama club. Your friend groups diverged, but you both still made the time to hang out on the weekend and nerd out together, your friendship never losing that special spark.

Until he started dating a fellow wolf shifter from a nearby school. You presumed it to be serious, since shifters didn’t really date casually due to the soul bond. You were never really the jealous type, and Jungkook’s new and improved bunny smile helped you to welcome his girlfriend into your friendship.  She “got” him in ways that you never could, and not just because she was a wolf. Toned, tall, and golden, you were fairly certain that she could run both literal and metaphorical laps around you. It didn’t hurt that she was cool and genuinely gorgeous. Why even worry about competing when it was clearly impossible? And toxic?

But you would be lying if you denied the smaller, less secure part of yourself that felt jealous and displaced. Jungkook still tried to make time for your more occasional Friday night hangouts, but she kept taking up more and more of his headspace. When not actively talking about her, he was checking his phone incessantly. Maybe you were being petty, but you still wanted him to be present in your life as well.

Slowly but surely, you started staying later at theater rehearsals and investing more time into other friendships. Correspondingly, Jungkook’s text messages slowed to a trickle. The two of you still ate lunch together most days, but it had become less intense than it had once been. Occasionally, he still gave you those signature one-armed hugs that you secretly loved, his chin resting on the crown of your much lower head. Years ago, he had given you an overly vague description of pack dynamics, and the need for physical affection, which confused you now. Shouldn’t he be getting said attentions from his soulmate?A small part of you was flattered that his new relationship hadn’t completely displaced you from his pack. “Bros before….” whatever, as the expression went.

You convinced yourself it was innocent, particularly since you had started dating an equally nerdy lighting tech you had met through drama club. If his affinity for the MCU replicated someone else’s, you couldn’t say. If his penchant for video games reminded you of a childhood friend, well, everyone loved video games. Nothing to see there. If when kissing him, you envisioned someone else’s face, well you would never let on. It was never as serious as Kook’s relationship seemed to be.

Though all parties involved knew the inevitable outcome of the blossoming relationship between the two shifters, you had never actually heard Jungkook use the word “soulmate” in reference to his girlfriend. Because of books and movies, people tended to think of it as insta-love, but that wasn’t (usually) how it worked in real life. For as as much as their inner wolves guided them, they were people as well: emotions, ambitions, tics and traits as much as anyone else.  Even in the “wild” (though you often snorted at the dramatic image this conjured), there were trial periods, rituals,  and rites of passage. But from the outside, the two of them were the complementary faces of a coin, peas in a pod, tied by the strings of fate, and any other metaphor that someone wanted to use. Maybe it was one of those things Jungkook just knew,without the need to put a label on it.

Or so you thought. Clearly, you didn’t know as much about the natural world (or matters of the heart) as you had thought. Most of your knowledge you’d gleaned from NatGeo or Discovery Channel documentaries- you were a suburban kid like any other. Your knowledge of romance came from novels with Fabio or one of his five thousand lookalikes on the cover, CW shows, and your admittedly very lackluster current relationship.  When Kook had found out  he had growled slightly, and immediately tried to mask it with a cough. But you’d known him long enough to not fall for his bullshit. You were indignant though-you’d been supportive of his relationship, so why couldn’t he support yours? Sometimes, when the two of you walked down the hallway holding hands, Kook would shoot daggers with his eyes, which you would studiously ignore. But the guy was either oblivious or braver than you gave him credit for.

All these pointed looks and tension should have painted a sign for you (in neon letters) that all was NOT well in paradise, but you were working so hard to suppress what you felt for your childhood friend that it surprised you as much as anyone else when Kook’s girlfriend broke up with him. “Broke up” was giving her more than she deserved-she had simply taken off one day. Wolf shifters tended to the transient side (Kook’s family being the exception), and one day when another pack was passing through, she decided to run off with the alpha. You didn’t know if she’d found “the one” or was just flighty. And you certainly weren’t interested in the politics of the shifter world, but it didn’t take a genius to figure out the bump in status she would get from a high school kid to an established alpha. But you couldn’t spare her a second thought- your best friend was destroyed. Suddenly, the golden jock of the school was acting like one of the emo kids: dark circles from lack of sleep, appetite wrecked, small things irritating him, or at other times, complete indifference when he should have been irritated.

You didn’t know if Kook had it in him to love anyone else- maybe that part of him had left with her.  And it wasn’t particularly at the forefront of your mind, but you were genuinely worried about your friend. With the fall play winding down and winter finals fast approaching, you had extra time on your hands that you were supposed to be using to study. Instead, you spent every waking moment with Kook…and some decidedly not wakeful moments. It was around this time that your own boyfriend broke up with you, citing your emotional unavailability. You felt bad for wasting his time, but you also felt free. It was a relief, honestly, to be over and done with it.

All of the distance between you evaporated in a few weeks, if that. You watched Deadpool and Ant Man, played Overwatch, and tried to distract your friend from his heartbreak. Often, he would fall asleep, head resting on your lap, tears dripping from the corner of his eyes, even in sleep. But his parents had told you later that was the only time he was seemingly at ease enough to sleep at all.

You knew there were things unsaid, but it wasn’t the time-not when he was emotionally vulnerable. You didn’t want to feel predatory, and it was during this time, things started to fall into place for you. Your own feelings began to crystallize, and you realized that it didn’t matter in what way you had him, but that he needed to be in your life. Even if romantic love never materialized, there were other kinds of love that were just as deep and important. And you realized that you loved him, in that way too. Everything else-it was a distraction. It was thoughts like this that strengthened your resolve when things seemed particularly bleak.

Over time, everything you gave to him, he gave back tenfold. He slowly began to smile again, and sleep through the night. But the two of you continued to come and go from school together, one doing homework and waiting for the other if at practice or rehearsal. He never dated again while in high school, and you both ended up going to the local university. You for the in-state tuition breaks and well-rated course of study that you wanted, and him….well, you weren’t sure why, but if the ways his parents smirked was any indication, you might have had an inkling. After a mandatory first year spent in the dorms, the two of you got an apartment near the campus. And though neither of you were ones for lengthy confessions you had an understanding: you were soulmates in whatever way a damaged wolf shifter and human could be.  Never alone and always taking care of each other. Which was why, you were so shocked when, one average day like any other, he got down on one knee, and offered you a small velvet box, telling you that his heart was in your hands,  as it had always been and would always be.

[sunyoonandstars]

BTS reaction 2.1.: Dating rumors about them and their little (idol) sister

This one is based on  the following anonymous request: 

So, basically the public is suspecting you, being an idol, and a BTS member of dating, however you are actually their younger sister, which the fans don’t know …

I’m gonna post this in two parts, and hope I’m doing this quite original request justice. I really had fun writing this up, imagining their (bad-ass 😁) idol sisters and their interactions ... Anyways, I hope you enjoy and whoever requested this is more or less content with my interpretation 🙃 Thanks again for the nice request! Keep’em coming! 

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1. Kim Seokjin / Jin

It had been a while since your older brother had called you, both of you being incredibly busy with your careers lately. Therefore, you are surprised when your phone rings first thing in the morning, showing six missed calls by your brother already, his sweetly smiling face flashing on the display when you finally take the call. „Y/n!?“ You can hear the tension in his voice as soon as you pick up. „What is it, Jinnie? What happened?“ You can hear him breathe deeply, unsteadily on the other end of the line. „Jin?“ He doesn't reply. „Kim Seokjin!?“ „Well …“, he sighs, still breathing heavily. „You should better not go outside today, little sister. There might be lots of paparazzi and reporters headed your way, if they’re not already there …“ Confused, you get up from your bed and go to your window, carefully pushing aside the curtains to secretly take a look at the street. And indeed the sidewalk in front of your idol group’s dorm is lined with many, many more reporters and photographers than usual. „No freaking way!“, you gasp. „Why, Jin? What did you do!?“ „Why would you think I did something!?“ „Well, you are calling me at 7 in the morning, so come up with an explanation. And a damn good one at that.“ „Well …“ „KIM SEOKJIN!“ You can hear him sigh through the phone. „Those reporters may or may not be under the impression the two of us are dating...“ Your stomach gets upset at the mere thought of it. „Yuck! What the hell!? We’re brother and sister, for god’s sake!“ „Indeed, we are. And I believe it might be time to reveal the true nature of our relationship. No reason to hide it anymore anyway. You’re popular enough without me now, so you won’t have to worry about people harassing you because of your idol brother, you being an idol, too, and all. They’re drooling over you already anyway, no thanks to me, my pretty baby sister.“ „You’re not getting out of this with a compliment, Kim Seokjin. You better make damn sure that this misunderstanding is cleared up before people get the wrong idea. Or else …“ „Okay, okay!“ You can hear the fear in his voice even without seeing his face, the confirmation that you still hold the reins when it comes to your older brother giving you a feeling of satisfaction. „Jeez, I’m still scared of you, even when we’re miles apart. And you’re three years younger than me. How pathetic.“ „Kim Seokjin. Press conference. NOW.“ „Alright, alright, I’m on it!“

2. Min Yoongi

Out of breath, you come to a halt in front of the door to Yoongi’s building, frantically ringing the bell until finally, a voice sounds over the intercom. „Who is it?“, you instantly recognize the sleepy voice and its annoyed tone. „Who the hell do you think? I know you can see me! And I called like seven times on my way over here! Why didn’t you pick up, asshole?“ „I’m sorry, I’m too tired for this shit right now …“ You press yourself as closely to the door as possible, frantically looking over your shoulder, paranoid for a very good reason. „Oppa! Open the fucking door already! I’m practically live prey out here!“ „What?“ „They spotted me walking Min Holly, okay!!??? It’s all over the internet! Have you been sleeping under some rock for the past six hours??“ „I was at the studio …….. napping.“ „I DON’T FUCKING CARE! Open the door! They’re coming!“ Thanks to your intense physical training and daily dance practice as an idol you had been able to easily take the lead, leaving the most of the reporters far behind, however the first of them are already catching up with you, moving in at a dangerous speed, only meters separating you now. „MIN YOONGI! DOOR! NOW!“ At last the relieving sound of the buzzer fills the chilly air and you can feel the door yield under your weight, quickly closing it behind you as soon as you slip inside and before any of the reporters can get to it. Completely drained, you sink to the floor right then and there, releasing Min Holly, who you’d been holding close to your chest ever since the paparazzi had started chasing you like rabid animals. „You okay, y/n?“ You look up at Yoongi standing in front of you, rubbing his eyes, his expression indifferent, his hair tousled. „Do I look okay!?“ „No. You look like shit.“ „Perfect. I see sooooo many pretty pictures of me popping up on social media tomorrow morning. Like this couldn't have gotten any better …”

Using your sleeve you brush the sweat off your forehead, still breathing heavily. 

„Seriously!?“, you scoff at Yoongi who seems to have forgotten all about you, his attention solely focused on his dog cradled in his arms. „Poor Holly baby. Did those crazy people scare you? Did y/n not take good care of you?“ „Tss“, you hiss, barely managing to get up, your legs still sore from running all the way here. „I protected Holly’s sorry ass from a mob of wack jobs! I’m a freaking hero, that’s what I am, and all you can see is your dog.“ He looks over at you, a smug grin on his face. „You know that’s not true. And you’re adorable when you’re angry, little sis.“ „Yah! Watch your mouth. I’m almost half a head taller than you.“ „Yet two and a half years younger. I’m clearly the more mature one in this equation.“ „You wish!“ You scowl at him. „Anyways, those nasty paparazzi saw me walking Min Holly, took a couple of pictures, posted them online and realized she was also your dog and moreover wearing the exact same collar as in your twitter post from last night. So your, no, our, crazy fans connected the dots, or at least they think they did, and came to the conclusion that we’re head over heels for each other and secretly dating. And, oh boy, they ship us hard. So, deal with it.“ Yoongi grimaces in disgust at the mere idea of people thinking he would be intimate with you, his sister. „Eww! Ewwwww! NO! NO WAY! Why would they even —? We have to —“ „I strongly second that! So, let’s get to it and write up some kind of explanation. It’s time A.R.M.Y. gets to know your charming idol sister...“

3. Jung Hoseok

„Now, let’s practice the last ten steps just one more time for tonight. Come on! Up on your feet!“ Hoseok claps his hands at you, smiling brightly. You can’t believe your brother’s persistent enthusiasm. „Hobi, you’re killing me! Literally!“, you whine, dramatically falling to your knees, sweat dripping from your forehead. „Jeez, you are most definitely brother and sister, both such drama queens“, Jimin teases from a corner of the room where he’s been sitting and watching you for the past couple of cycles of the choreo your older brother had put you through. „Shut your pretty mouth, babe“, you respond, knowing all too well that he is right, though. „Jimin, stop distracting your girlfriend!“, Hoseok scolds him. „She has a comeback stage tomorrow and her members are counting on her!“ „Alright, alright!“, Jimin backs off, his hands raised in resignation. „I’ll just be over here in my corner, quietly admiring my favorite dance machines at work.“ You blow him a kiss before you get back to your spot and Hoseok starts the music again. About an hour later the both of you are finally satisfied with your performance and you get ready to leave for your dorm. In the doorway, Hoseok stops you to give you some more advice on that one tricky part of the dance you had struggled with before tonight, just to make sure you are best prepared. „Alright, Hobi, I got it. I’m gonna be just fine tomorrow, thanks to you. Bets dance tutor ever!“ You get on your tiptoes to give him a peck on the cheek. „Make sure to watch me tomorrow, will you?“ „Of course! I always watch my talented sister’s performances. I have each and every one of them recorded, too“, he smiles at you proudly. „Aww, you’re too sweet, Hobi.“ You say your goodbyes and wish each other a good night, however, as you step out into the night, it suddenly starts to rain, big, cold drops falling from the dark gray sky. „Oh, no! My car is almost a block away!“ „No worries, sis, I’ll come with!“ Being the gentle man he is, Hoseok takes off his windbreaker and holds it up above your heads as a cover against the rain, accompanying you all the way to your car. „Thanks, oppa!“ Again, you stretch to place a kiss on his cheek before you get into your car. The next morning, a call from Jimin wakes you far too early. „Jimin-ah, what the hell!? It’s not even six o’clock yet. I need my sleeeeep!“ „No. You need to check your twitter. Now. It must be blowing up with mentions of you and Hobi-hyung by now.“ Confused, still half asleep, you sit up, grabbing you laptop. „What? Why?“ „Just take a look.“ You do as told and can’t seem to catch your breath. Trending hashtag: #HobiDumpThisSlut „What the hell!!!?“, you finally manage to gasp. But what pops up in your timeline next as most recent is even worse. You can hear Jimin cough on the other end of the line. „NO, HE DID NOT!“, you exclaim, directed at no one in particular, one hand covering your mouth, jaw dropped, your eyes fixed on the tweets Hoseok just posted a few seconds ago through the official BTS account. 

Dear ARMY! All of you should calm down and take a step back! This is MY SISTER you are calling a slut here!! And how can you just claim she is my secret girlfriend and drag her name through the mud like that? 

All I did was protect her from the rain and all she did was kiss me on the cheek! In an innocent, sisterly way! At THAT you leap instantly. But she and Jimin have been seeing each other for almost a YEAR and nobody noticed. 

So stop making things up and just live your lives, please, and leave my sister alone, if you could be so kind. Thank you.

they read.

You just sit there, frozen, blankly staring at the screen in disbelief.

„Did he just freaking expose us!?“, you can hear Jimin scream on the phone, his voice high pitched in panic. „Oh, Hobi …“

*******************************************************

Hope you enjoyed them so far! The other ones will be up here soon! 

Take care!

[raynebowrayne]

New project I'm toying with. Whacha think, folks?

I'm tagging this with Reylo tags because that's the main focus of my blog and people there read my Ao3 Reylo Fanfic.

Here is an original story I'm working on.

***

He's like a male Molly Ringwald.

That was my first impression of Ben Johnson when he completed his first season on my favorite television show. In his rookie year as a celebrity his character had come on the show as the slightly odd and geeky but still charming and rather attractive in an unusual way that you could spend hours pondering without ever being able to explain the how or why of.

The next year he finished the season by winning the heart of the beautiful Esmeralda Crain, the central "beautiful young focal character" of the ensemble driven primetime drama that I watch with an almost religious fervor.

The show, "Finding Me" is an hour every week from June to September of pure unadulterated drama about a dozen just out of college, young people finding their way in the world. It's shot like a 'reality' show, but it's fully scripted and jam packed with amazingly talented actors and actresses. I can't get enough of it.

By season three I was blogging about it on three different social media websites, spending every second of my free time obsessing over the show. In truth, I spent my unfree time obsessing quietly while I check bags and wave a metal detector wand around people at my local airport.

Season 7 has just wrapped up and somewhere along the way, I fell head over heels for the character Miles Adams. I tuned in every week after season three just to see Miles. The other 10 people on the show were great, but Miles and Esmeralda stole the show in season three… and for me, in my obsessive frenzy, they became the pair I loved the absolute most. They were perfect together.

The actors who played them - Ben Johnson and Emmy Star (no, that's really her birth name, I googled her) were superb. By season 4 they were each making four times more money per episode than anyone else in the cast.

Of course, when they flew to vegas during the season four finale and got married during the airing of Miles and Esmeralda's own vegas elopement the internet exploded with the impact of an atom bomb.

Some people were flat out convinced that it had been a sham, a publicity stunt, a way to make the show more money so that it could afford Season five's pay raises for the entire cast, including doubling Ben and Emmy's already impressive salaries.

I never believed that. No way. Ben and Emmy, or Bemmy as I call them, have waaaay too much chemistry onscreen and off to be faking it. No, the show making more money was a natural consequence of having the most talented young cast ever assembled in one show. Period. End of discussion. Fin. I will not hear another word about it.

Of course, in every fandom you find trolls… With six couples, a lot of cross-relationship sexual tension, and a highly diverse cast season seven Finding Me's social media following is a breeding ground for fandom trolls. We real fans call them "antis." They whine endlessly about the show but for some reason wont just stop watching it. I do not get those people. They annoy me.

So here I am, in my cheap polyester uniform with my shiney little badge and clunky black patton leather steal toed boots, daydreaming about Miles' gorgeous, fiery, brown-eyed smoulder while I wave through a pretty blond that towered over me by a good six inches.

Mile's eyes have the most intense quality about them. He can literally boil freezing water with a single stare. I'm not sure at exactly what point he went from "geeky" to "omfg I totally would trade my soul for just one night with him" but I think it might have been the season two smouldering hot ten second stare down while stalking toward Esmeralda with pure unfiltered, unbridaled lust rippling off of him like heat waves off desert sand. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was the moment.

Just the thought of that moment is enough to make me blush as I blink away the image. I glance up at the guy who'd just set off the metal detector as I pass the wand across his chest. I freeze. My brain crashes against my skull and I stand there gaping like a fish out of water as Miles Adams stares back at me in annoyance.

I blink.

No, not Miles Adams.

Ben Johnson.

Ben "omfg" Johnson is scowling at me. In the flesh. At MY airport! In Real Life!

I watched in fascination as the annoyed look melted off his face and alarm flashed ahead of concern that gave way to amusement and finally turned to exasperation.

"Breathe." He rolled his eyes and said, half mockingly - half coaxingly with a slight grin on his lips.

In Dolby Digital his voice caresses you like tattered silk, in real life, it's more like a cat's tongue.

His eyes widen and he half reaches for me. "No, really, you need to breathe."

Oh, god. His voice... is talking to me!

"Shit!" He hissed as his face, that incredibly expressive face of his, swam before my eyes.

I blinked and found myself looking up into his frowning face.

"Dear god, not again." Came an annoyed female voice. "They're never going to stop doing that if you keep catching them."

Ben turned a quick scowl toward someone above my head then looked back and asked me, "Are you alright?"

That's when three things hit me at once.

One, I'm cradled in his arms, across his lap as he squats down in front of the metal detectors.

Two, his eyes are prismatic, a totally different shade, ranging from black to amber-yellow depending on how the light hits them.

Three, I'm making a total ass of myself by continuing to stare at him - dumbstruck and drooling.

Reality set in with the suddenness and force of a high speed mid-air collision.

I apologized profusely as I fought my way through 10 tons of humiliation and panic to get to my feet. My mortification could not have been more complete… until I chanced a glance upward and spotted a trickle of blood oozing down his chin.

I have never wanted to cry so badly in my life.

Without another word I took off at a dead run for the nearest ladies room where I immediately screamed "Fuck!" at the top of my lungs. That didn't help much so I did it a few more times before I began ugly-crying my eyes out.

It took me a good hour to get control of myself enough to clock out amidst pitying glances and some snickering from my fellow security guards. I kept my eyes straight ahead as I walked briskly out to my car.

I'd been at Bluegrass for five years. I'd seen celebrities before. Admittedly, not many… but some! Johnny Depp once came through my line! I was calm, cool and professional. No sweat. Under no circumstances have I ever lost my shit over anything or anyone like I did with Ben Johnson. Not even close.

I called in and talked my supervisor into arranging two weeks worth of my accrued vacation for the immediate future. It was too easy. He had obviously been appraised of my blunder.

I hung up and cried myself to sleep at four o'clock in the afternoon.

The next two weeks were more of the same. Log in to check my blogs, weep as soon as I see a picture of him, log out and cry myself to sleep. Wake up, go pee, see myself in the mirror and burst into tears. Pull a burrito out of the microwave, set it on a paper plate, burst into tears.

About midway through the second week I got rip roaring drunk... at home… alone… with a half gallon tub of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a half gallon bottle of Smirnoff.

It tasted terrible when it made an encore appearance later on.

As I lay there next to the toilet, in the fetal position, my hair wet from both sweat and vomit, I pondered my life and it's recent trials and tribulations.

The most comforting thought came to me as the room spun like a drunken tilt-a-whirl. It doesn't actually matter what happened when Ben Johnson unexpectedly jumped out of my fantacy and into my reality… I'd never see him again.

Another highly comforting thought was that my co-workers will surely have moved back to their favorite gossip topic, Shirleen Dabney's love life, and forgotten all about me fainting and then splitting the lip of my favorite celebrity by now. Surely. It's not like they're blogging about it. Shirleen's love life is way more interesting than lil ole me.

Shirleen is a tall, leggy, redhead with surgically enhanced ta tas and an ass like a fetishist porn star. She's been picked up and dropped off to work by twelve different men in the three months she's been at Bluegrass. Twelve! Different! Men! That works out to one a week. The security room is abuzz with gossip about her every second that she's not in it… and dead silent when she is.

With two more Shir-boys to gossip about, no doubt my little incedent with a t.v. star is long forgotten.

[yourdailykitsch]

Taylor Kitsch Gets in Touch With His Inner David Koresh in ‘Waco’

Taylor Kitsch loves being Taylor Kitsch, and one of the charms of the 36-year-old actor is that if you meet him, you’ll love that Taylor Kitsch loves being Taylor Kitsch too. It was a crisp afternoon in late October, and Kitsch was sitting at a picnic table on the patio of the Mean-Eyed Cat, a Johnny Cash–themed bar on West Fifth Street in Austin. Kitsch was enjoying the sunshine. (“The weather’s been insane. It’s why you live in Texas, you know?”) Kitsch was enjoying his barbecued pork ribs. (“Eating a plate of meat is rare for me, but it’s fun right now.”) Kitsch was enjoying his sleek and very expensive-looking BMW GS Rallye motorcycle, which he’d parked in front of the bar’s entrance. (“That bike’s spanking new. It’s like my child. I love it.”)

Over the past few months, Kitsch had gone on a two-thousand-mile motorcycle trip through the mountain west, riding up Glacier National Park’s Going-to-the-Sun Road, winding along Idaho’s Salmon River. He’d visited Africa, “because I didn’t know what the **** was going on with all the poaching, and I wanted to know.” He’d traveled to San Diego to skydive with a bunch of Navy SEALs and his friend and mentor, the macho-man director Peter Berg. He’d gone to the “Harvey Can’t Mess With Texas” benefit show at the Frank Erwin Center in Austin—“a really great concert, like top five for me”—and afterward “tipped, like, 48 beers” with his friend country music star Ryan Bingham. Now Kitsch was preparing to leave the South Austin apartment where he has lived for the past decade and move into his dream house, a 6,500-square-foot bachelor pad on Lake Austin. His whole family—mom, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews—was coming down from British Columbia for Christmas, and Kitsch couldn’t wait to show off his new place. “My mom’s going to lose her mind,” Kitsch said. “We grew up in a single-wide mobile home, then moved to a double-wide—she’ll lose it.” Kitsch was going “full Griswold” on yuletide decorations. He’d already purchased a ten-foot-tall blow-up polar bear to put on his front porch, and he and his oldest brother, Daman, were planning to install an elaborate light display before the rest of the family arrived. “It’ll hurt your eyes,” Kitsch said. “Literally, I hope we get fined by the HOA. That’s our goal, so we’ll do it.” Kitsch became famous for playing the Dillon Panthers’ bad-boy fullback Tim Riggins on the TV show Friday Night Lights, and over the course of five seasons, he made the character irresistible to watch—a teenage jumble of empathy, anger, machismo, and freewheeling fun. When the show ended, Kitsch appeared to be on a rocket path to superstardom, but he still hasn’t quite gotten there. Instead, his career since Friday Night Lights has been defined by soaring expectations, big-budget disappointments, and consistently good acting. When Kitsch and I met in Austin, he had just finished back-to-back press tours for two fall movies in which he plays supporting roles—the espionage thriller American Assassin and the wilderness-firefighter drama Only the Brave. But we were there to talk about Kitsch’s latest part—“the best work of my career, for sure”—which forced the actor to command the screen as never before and might just turn him into a bona fide Hollywood leading man. On January 24, the first episode of this project, Waco, a six-part miniseries about the 1993 standoff at the Branch Davidian compound in Central Texas, will premiere on the newly renamed Paramount Network (formerly Spike). The show stars Michael Shannon, John Leguizamo, Rory Culkin, and Melissa Benoist, but Kitsch has the plum role. Kitsch is playing David Koresh. The Waco siege has been the subject of a dozen or so documentaries that range from serious-minded to crackpot, but the new series is improbably the first dramatic re-creation of the entire event: 51 days of stalled negotiations and rising tensions that ended in an inferno that killed Koresh and 75 of his followers. The project’s genesis is unexpected: it was written, directed, and produced by brothers John and Drew Dowdle, whose handful of career credits includes low-budget horror films like Devil and Quarantine and the poorly reviewed Owen Wilson–Pierce Brosnan thriller No Escape. (Harvey Weinstein was an executive producer on the series, but his name has been removed from the credits.) The Dowdles may not have had much experience, but they had a plan: though the Waco siege has been a political and cultural lightning rod for the past 25 years, the brothers decided that their film wouldn’t dwell on the controversies. They wanted to tell the tragic, human, “no-bad-guys version of the story.” To do that, they knew that their single most important decision would be casting someone who could bring tragic humanity to Koresh. “We thought Koresh as a character is a deeply flawed individual, but there’s something a bit everyman about him, there’s something about him that people liked,” Drew Dowdle said. “The Taylor Kitsch version of David Koresh is inherently someone you would enjoy being around.” When Kitsch first heard about the part, he had only a hazy memory of news coverage of the Waco siege. But the more he read, the more fascinated he became. After meeting with the Dowdles, he reached out to his agent and said, “If they want me to do it, I’ll swing. I just need prep time.” Shooting was set to start in Santa Fe in April 2017, and as 2016 was coming to a close, Kitsch steeled himself for the next half year of preparation and production. “I went to Telluride for New Year’s and just blew it out—like, pizza, anything you could drink, ski, just go all out, don’t even worry about anything,” Kitsch said. On January 2, he arrived back in Austin, ready to begin his transformation. When Kitsch first came to Austin, in 2006, to film the pilot for Friday Night Lights, he was 24 years old, “green and raw” and mostly in the dark about acting and the entertainment business. “I genuinely didn’t know what a critic was,” he told me. Kitsch had grown up four hours west of Vancouver in the city of Kelowna, British Columbia, with his mother and two older brothers—his dad was mostly absent—and until he was 20, he dreamed about playing professional ice hockey. When back-to-back knee injuries ended his career, he moved to New York to try to make it as an actor, beginning a scrappy period in which he took classes, modeled, and, for a several-week stretch, spent his nights sleeping on the subway. Kitsch had almost missed his screen test for Friday Night Lights due to visa issues, and when he arrived, Berg, the series’ creator, first made him improvise in character for thirty minutes. Berg was suitably impressed. “What you did in there, make sure you do in this screen test with all the execs, and I think we’ll be just fine,” he told Kitsch. Friday Night Lights never had a big audience, but to the people who watched it week after week, it might as well have been War and Peace, except about high school football, and way more fun. Kitsch was the heartthrob, and even while the show was in the middle of its run, he was getting movie work, playing Gambit in an X-Men movie and the war photographer Kevin Carter in The Bang Bang Club. After Friday Night Lights ended, in 2011, Kitsch was primed to really make it big. Going into 2012, he had starring roles in two massively hyped movies with enormous budgets, John Carter and Battleship, both of which seemed like good bets to turn into franchises. “I had two ten-year contracts,” Kitsch said. “I would have been going Carter, Battleship, Carter, Battleship, and maybe an indie somewhere in there if I could.” But both films fizzled at the box office, and Kitsch’s career was forced to become more interesting. “I still have my journal from when I was in acting class in New York where it’s like, ‘All I want to do is indies and these characters and Sean Penn, Sean Penn, Sean Penn,’ ” Kitsch told me. He got his wish. He’s spent the past four years bringing a coiled-up intensity to men as varied as Navy SEAL Lieutenant Michael P. Murphy in Lone Survivor, Gay Men’s Health Crisis president Bruce Niles in HBO’s The Normal Heart, and patrolman Paul Woodrugh in the much-maligned second season of True Detective. Instead of conquering the world as an above-the-title star, Kitsch became our most finely featured character actor. When Kitsch arrived back in Austin after his Telluride bacchanal, he got down to studying. He read the memoirs of Branch Davidian survivor David Thibodeau, watched home videos of Koresh preaching, and made a stab at grasping the Branch Davidians’ end-times theology. “I literally had a beginner’s-Bible-study version of the Book of Revelation,” Kitsch said. Koresh was an enthusiastic rock guitarist and singer (followers wore “David Koresh: God Rocks” T-shirts), so Kitsch took guitar and voice lessons to pull off the on-screen performances. To physically transform into Koresh—who did not have movie-star muscles—Kitsch dropped thirty pounds, limiting himself to eight hundred calories a day and running around Lady Bird Lake while listening to Koresh’s sermons. As Kitsch dug into his research, he saw a clear path to playing the public persona of the Branch Davidian leader. “Before the siege, it’s his birthday every day,” Kitsch said. “It’s all about him. He’s got a go-cart track and a shooting range, and he’s a rock star—obviously the lead singer, obviously the lead guitarist.” In Waco, Koresh, as played by Kitsch, oozes charm and bravado and knows just how to manipulate the people around him. That’s not a stretch. The 33-year-old self-proclaimed “Lamb of God” was in the habit of waking up his followers in the middle of the night so that they could listen to him show off his savant-like recall of the Bible. He had about two dozen “spiritual wives,” including some who were already married to other Branch Davidians. After a claimed revelation from God, he commanded all men in the compound to be celibate, with the singular exception of David Koresh. (“I’ve assumed the burden of sex for us all, but not for my own kicks,” Kitsch as Koresh says in the show’s first episode.) He was good at a drawling, tough-guy act too: he drove a ’68 Camaro, loved his firearms, and famously sent a message to the FBI saying, “You come pointing guns in the direction of my wife and my kids, dammit, I’ll meet you at the door any time.” But Kitsch also had to reckon with Koresh’s darkness. Among Koresh’s wives were women whom he had married when they were as young as twelve years old, and even if you think the federal government acted disastrously at Waco, it’s hard to see Koresh as blameless in the deaths of the 86 people who perished in the initial raid and the final fire. “Taylor and I had long talks: ‘How do you play this guy in a human way?’ ” John Dowdle said. “That was a big part of the preparation, just trying to get through the ugly stuff so he’s not a monster from the get-go.” Kitsch seized on Koresh’s childhood to understand him, trying to find that part of the Branch Davidian leader that was still Vernon Wayne Howell, Koresh’s given name. During his research, Kitsch read about a phone call that Koresh placed to his mother during the ATF raid on the compound. Koresh had been shot twice, was bleeding profusely, and thought that he was minutes from the end. His mother didn’t pick up, but he left a message, telling her he was dying, asking her to “tell Grandma hello for me,” and saying, “I’ll see y’all in the skies.” “I broke reading it,” Kitsch said. “I was crushed. And after that, I was like, ‘I’m dialed in now and I’m ready to go.’ ” The call hadn’t been in the script, but Kitsch emailed the Dowdles and urged them to add it: “I’m like, ‘This will take fifteen, twenty minutes to shoot, guys, we’ve got to have this in there. This is not Koresh—this is Vernon calling his mom.’ ” The Dowdles agreed. When Kitsch arrived on set, cast and crew who were wondering what he’d bring to the role didn’t have to wait long. On the first day, the Dowdles had scheduled a scene in which Kitsch delivered a nine-page sermon on divine joy to his congregants. “It was pretty remarkable to see him get up and do that,” Paul Sparks, who plays Koresh’s deputy, Steve Schneider, told me. “I had heard some of Koresh on the internet, but to be in the room and listen to this person talk about these complex, different ways of looking at Scripture—it was like, ‘Right, that’s what it was like.’ ” Regardless of whether Waco is a hit, Kitsch has his next project lined up. He’s planning to go to a friend’s San Saba ranch in February to shoot a movie currently titled Pieces. It will be his debut as a screenwriter and feature-film director. Pieces tells the story of “three best friends who take an opportunity to change their lives.” In this case, that opportunity is to intercept a drug drop on the Texas-Mexico border, after which, as you might assume, “all hell breaks loose.” Kitsch wrote the script over the course of several motorcycle road trips, and he used the journeys not only to clear his mind for writing but as an opportunity to conduct research. “I remember being in Idaho and there’s this truck-stop hooker, basically, and I had a coffee with her,” Kitsch told me. “Don’t read into that, it was—literally, it was a coffee—and I just bombed questions at her, and she was just super cool. I put a character based on her in the movie.” Kitsch seems to have exactly the kind of fame that he wants. He can build a dream house and get a dream role, but he can drop by a truck stop in Idaho and bomb questions at people who don’t recognize him. He has famous friends and wild adventures, but every interaction he has doesn’t have to be about his celebrity. As we were sitting at Mean-Eyed Cat, Kitsch told me about turning down a role recently. It was a “little rom-com for five days’ work,” he said, and it was “stupid money.” He would have made more on that movie than he did on Waco, Only the Brave, and three Normal Hearts combined—“for five days’ work,” he said again. I asked him why he’d said no. He did the voice-over work for Ram Trucks commercials, after all. First he answered like an actor. “It’s just not where I want to be, it’s not the story I want to tell,” he said. Then he added a caveat that was pure Taylor Kitsch. “I mean, I’m for sale,” he said, a big smile breaking out over his face. “If you want to give me $20 million for something and my mom never has to work again and my family’s good for the rest of their life, yes, I’m going to do it—don’t care who you are. I come from nothing, so to give my mom that call would just be awesome. I mean, I wouldn’t do porn, but, you know?”

[diaryoftypist]

Self discipline

Here I am, sitting on my bed, sipping coffee and ready to face my world.

This past period has been intense on me psychologically. I’ve been going through some super tough internal wars that I think were personality shaping kinda wars. I think this is me unlocking a new personality level. 

I’ve been at war with myself regarding the person I was in my relationship, regarding my relationship itself, regarding so many negative habits that I was hung up on. I was having extreme overthinking of what I’m doing in my life, How I wanna live my life and What if I suddenly die? I mean, how far from ready am I to face God?

A few incidences helped me think those thoughts through in the right direction. It all started with this day, I was praying and suddenly I broke. I broke down in tears, asking God to help me figure things out, placing all of my vulnerability in God’s hands. At that moment I had every cell in me believe that nothing, literally NOTHING else can make my mind clear, make my heart calm, other than God himself. I prayed with utter believe and truth, and then it just happens. It’s like a sudden ray of bright light got inside me. It felt like my brain was dusty and foggy and suddenly it’s pristine. My heart felt heavy and aching, and suddenly it felt at ease. It felt happy. Just like that. It’s like it was a snap from a finger. 

At that time I felt amazing, suddenly I could think very clearly, I could see what’s bugging me and what I was being a drama queen about. It’s like God lifted this heaviness off my chest. I don’t know about you, but it felt like a miracle to me at the time.

Anyways, that day was like a turning point. After then, I started getting my shit together, especially in the relationship department. I was being a bad partner. I was not a delight. I took a pause and tried to get back to my old self, and as imagined everything started getting back to normal. I’m still super thankful. Alhamdulellah.

And then the second turning point was one day, me sitting down to watch “The social dilemma” documentary. Which talked about how social media and technology being at the tip of our fingers is kinda truly ruining our lives. I had to take another pause. Try to evaluate what’s real from what is virtual, and trust me when I tell you that so much of it was virtual, to the extent that the line between reality and virtuality was almost invisible. And there goes my second challenge, getting myself out of that virtual vicious loop that got us under its mercy. I remembered when my left side of my brain had jobs to do. When I used to have all sorts of creative time, getting it out as sketches or music or even writing down my feeling like I am, now. And somehow I blame it all on social media. Sucking up all of our time and providing us with so much useless serotonin that we get hung up on. And I actually started the challenge, which is controlled usage of social media, only 10 mins in the morning, and 10 mins at night. It’s not easy because we’re kinda addicted, but with enough will, I’m actually doing it. almost a week in the challenge right now. I even miss some of my allowed social media time because I feel better off.

And then comes the third day of important realizations. I go to this religious/ spiritual classes every once in a while. I’ve been going there my whole life, since I was in kindergarten. Anyways, We haven’t met in a long time now because of the corona situation. Last week we finally had a long awaited gathering. During these kinds of classes we do is different from what normal religious classes here do. We don’t gather to read and memorize holy words, we gather to contemplate. To think. To think why are we here on this Earth? what’s our purpose? and what should we do to be on the right track? We usually have a theme and then we brainstorm around it, with supporting Ahadith and Quran. And guess what was last week’s new theme? It was about “What if we knew that our death is soon?” Deep, huh? We all know that we can die at anytime, any day. It doesn’t have to be when we’re 80 and old. It’s a fact. Nothing new, right? But, do we really remember it all the time? I don’t think we do. I, for myself, don’t. So brainstorming around that theme, we were asked each to name one thing we think we would definitely do if we knew our ending is soon. So many things were said, so many things came to mind. All of the sins that I made came rushing after each other in the back of my mind. But just 2 things were as if written in Bold and CAPSLOCK in my mind. *STOP BINGE WATCHING*, *START PRAYING FAJR*! They were just so clear in my mind that I couldn’t think of anything else. The day was over and we went on with out lives, but those words felt like they were printed on my mind now, along with the phrase “What if I die soon?”. It’s all too bold to ignore, right?

And I was at a good connection with God these days, I felt the positive vibe of getting my life together, with the new light heart and social media-free life. I decided to do it. why wait when I know this is the right thing for me? I decided to pray AlFajr. It’s always been such a hard thing to do. Waking up inside my cycle of sleep to go make wudoo’ and pray and interrupt my precious precious sleep? It always sounded impossible. Don’t ask me how, but I’m suddenly actually doing it. I set up an alarm for 5:30 am. And I wake up, turn it off, pray and go back to sleep. Everyday ever since, except just 1 day I failed. But still, Who knew that I could do it?? honestly I’m amazed at myself. And 2 days later I started the no netflixing thingy. Honestly, to me this is the hardest out of them all. Maybe because it’s the most I’ve been hung up on. But, so far so good. so YAY me.

I feel like this is one of my golden eras. I’m writing this all right now so that if everything eventually goes up in flames I can remember that I was once doing it all, and it can be done truly. And to remind myself that it’s all about reliance on God. The greatest of all. The only way out of anything, the only way to do anything. I was reading this book that said “As long as you only have God in your heart, and all your other beloved things in your hand not your heart, you’re doing dunya right”. I understand that now very deeply. And I feel the ultimate blessing that I have right now, that is God making me see that clearly, facilitating everything for me, getting me so many gifts I can’t even count them. I’m just super thankful.

So, here’s for a change one happy diary. something that I’d like to remember.

xx

[bughead-fic-request]

I would like to thank @leaalda for making these amazing banners.

This is an effort to spread the word about all fan fiction writers in our little fandom. If you would like to be featured or nominate a writer, please contact me. Please reblog this post if you can and check out some of @cooperjones2020 work!

1. First things first, if someone wanted to read your stories where can they find them.

I post all of them on AO3 as well as on tumblr @cooperjones2020 under the tag #mine and on my master list. (also fyi it’s a sideblog, so if you ever get a reply from @acitrusmoon, that’s also me!)

2. Tell us a little about yourself.

I’ve tipped the scale into second half of my 20’s. I’m currently doing my master’s in English lit, focusing on early modern drama and cultural studies. Canada is the third country I’ve lived in. I’ve been in four separate countries within a 24-hour timespan on two separate occasions. I prefer children’s toothbrushes to adult ones. I made my parents let me drop out of preschool when I was four because they wouldn’t give me orange juice.

3. What do you never leave home without?

Nothing. I leave with the absolute bare minimum I can get away with. So 99% of the time I have my phone, but even that’s not a sure thing. If I can stick a card or some cash in my bra so I don’t have to carry a purse or wallet, I’m doing it. If I do have a bag, I definitely have my giant reusable water bottle and a book with me.

4. Are you an early bird or a night owl?

Early bird. I’ve hit the level of adulthood where I wake up at like 6:30 sans alarm. And I have no excuse. I don’t have to be at work til 10.

5. If you could live in any fictional world which one would you choose and why?

I’ve been thinking about this question and I can’t come up with anything other than HP. I basically learned to read off those books and grew up alongside them. That fictional world is so embedded with my real one, it would be a disservice to pick something else.

6. Who is the most famous person you’ve ever met.

In general, I have no interest in meeting famous people, so I think the most famous person I’ve ever actually met was Roger Ebert at an ice cream shop in Michigan when I was 8. But I’ve been adjacent to famous people. I saw Josh Radnor in my college bookstore, I’ve emailed with John Green, and Chicago Fire used to film in my old apartment in Chicago before it became my apartment. They would still shut our street down to do external shots, and NBC paid my landlord not to gut the apartment when he rehabbed it, in case they needed to use it again.

Does Walk the Moon count as famous now? I’ve met Nick Petricca at parties (figure out what Josh Radnor, John Green, and Nick Petricca have in common, and you’ll learn something else about me).

7. What are some of your favorite movies/TV?

I’m the worst with “favorite” type questions because I change my mind all the time when my attention wanders. So TV shows I’ve loved a long time and will continue to rewatch ad infinitum: Gilmore Girls, Charmed, Boy Meets World. I don’t really re-watch movies, which is my general bar for loving something. I recently saw The Third Man and it blew my mind, so much so that it made it into chapter 5 of “Nobodies Nobody Knows.”

(but also I haven’t had consistent access to a television since 2006 because I went to boarding school for nerds, so I’m out of touch with a lot what’s been on unless I’ve been able to find it on the internet and binge watch it)

8. What are some of your favorite bands/musicians?

Again, I don’t know if I have anyone I would say is a favorite above all the music I like. I cycle through songs I get obsessed with for a week or two. The Spotify playlist I’m currently listening to on repeat includes Halsey, Imagine Dragons, Walk the Moon, Regina Spektor, Lorde, Cigarettes After Sex, Ed Sheeran, Adele, X Embassadors, and Sia. But it’s also my Bughead writing playlist. I’d really like to see Maren Morris in concert.

9. Favorite Books?

I could fill a library with my favorite books. The books that have been most foundational to me as a person were probably HP and the Anne of Green Gables series. The books/authors I loved enough to ship to Canada, which really just means I like rereading them, include Emily Dickinson, Raymond Carver, Louise Erdrich, Junot Diaz, Harper Lee, Milan Kundera, Diana Gabaldon, Deborah Harkness, and a little bit of Nora Roberts and Andrew Greeley for variety. But actually the hardest part of moving back to America will be having to round up all my books and get them to my new place of residence.

10. Favorite Food?

Soup. Which is really a non-answer because there’s infinite varieties.

11. Biggest pet peeve?

People who are passive aggressive and manipulative.

12. What did you want to be when you were little? What do you want to be now?

I went through an intense phase of wanting to be a flight attendant for a while. I was pretty sure I wanted to do a PhD, but the first year of my masters has taught me that I do not want to do that. So now, I have no idea. Something that involving writing and editing as part of its daily tasks. I did some freelancing for SparkNotes earlier this summer and they had a full-time opening that would have been perfect for me if it were a year from now. Before coming back to school, I worked for a tutoring company creating curriculum materials and overseeing/developing tutors.

13. What are your biggest fears? Do you have any strange fears?

The stereotypical things I’m afraid of are heights and clowns. I’m also afraid of bridges and really uncomfortable on escalators, though that’s gotten better. I’m a big believer in facing your fears, so one time I forced myself to do a high ropes course at a team-building retreat and I literally had a panic attack forty feet up in the air.

14. When you are on your deathbed what would be the one you’d regret not doing?

I think I’ll regret the times I’ve said no to things because I was afraid.

Okay… lets talk about your writing!

15. Which is your favorite of the fics you've written for the Bughead fandom?

The one I’m enjoying writing the most/is coming the easiest is ”Second City.” I also really love ”Marked” because it’s the one that got me into the fandom and because it challenged me to go out of my comfort zone.

16. Which was the hardest to write, in terms of plot?

“What’s Past is Prologue” because the plot structure is so weird, so I wind up feeling like I’m just hitting the same note over and over.

17. How do you come up with the ideas for you fic(s)? Do you people watch? Listen to music? Get inspired by TV/movies?

I haven’t written enough fics to have a developed answer to this. “Marked” and “WPIP” came about because of a conversation @jandjsalmon was having that I lurked on. “Second City” came about because I love post-break up/the characters are now in their 20s fics, and I was homesick (hence the setting). Also, with all the discourse around how healthy and communicative Betty and Jug are, I was wondering what would be a convincing enough circumstance to cause them to break up, and how would they find their way back to each other. As far as individual ideas within the fics themselves, I do, as mentioned, have a writing playlist, but I don’t listen to it while actually writing. Just while I’m doing things around the house or walking to school, which is when I brainstorm. I often have to stop walking and move out of the way so I can type ideas into the notes on my phone. A lot of times, I’ll just get a half a line or sentence that sounds nice and then I’ll have to figure out how to work it in later.

18. Idea that you always wanted to write but could never make work?

I haven’t been doing this long enough to be able to answer this question with any level of confidence. I don’t think there’s anything I’ve really wanted to write and been unable to, at least as far as fic goes. I have a lot of half-planned ideas for original stories that refuse to come out how I want them to.

19. Least favorite plot point/chapter/moment you’ve written?

The next chapter of WPIP because I don’t think it’s doing anything beyond serving as a vehicle to the chapter after it. But I recently had an idea of something to add to it which might help.

20. Favorite plot point/chapter/moment you’ve written?

I love chapter 5 of “Second City.” I’m genuinely happy about every scene in it, especially the flashback. I also really like the end of chapter 8, parts of chapter 10 and pretty much all of chapter 11. More than plot points/chapters, I tend to love little details or turns of phrase, like the crown scar from “Marked,” or Jughead in a “this is what a feminist looks like” t shirt, or lines like “It hurts. She knows it shouldn’t. She knows it makes sense. But it does. Because it sounds like ‘I don’t think about you’” from “Second City.”

21.Favorite character to write?

Betty because I overly identify with her. In “Second City,” I’ve found Alice and Veronica particularly easy to write in the little they’ve appeared thus far. Like, their voices have been very clear. But watch, I’ve probably just jinxed myself.

22. Favorite line or lines of dialogue that you've written?

I don’t know if I have a favorite, and I use too much dialogue to go back through it all. I try really hard to make it sound realistic. I’m particularly proud of the ending dialogue of chapter 9 of “Second City,” basically everything from after they go back into the spare bedroom.

Also, spoiler: “You harassed Sheriff Keller. You questioned FP. What’s next, Betty? Were you going to interrogate Jellybean?” Betty feels heat suffuse her face. “Oh, you thought I wouldn’t know about that, huh?”

“I did see JB,” she mumbles.

“Fuck, I knew she was lying.”

23. Best comment/review you’ve ever received?

I don’t want to call out anyone in particular because I love and appreciate every single one and I spend way too much time staring at my email waiting for comment notifications. I particularly enjoy when people point out a specific line or plot point that resonated with them, or when they say something rung particularly true to character. I also love when people will talk to me in the comments, because I reply to everyone and literary analysis is my jam.

24. How do you handle bad reviews or comments?

I’ve never had any! I’m not a big enough deal for that.

25. If you could change anything in any of your stories, what would it be?

I would have written more of “WPIP” before posting it because that was my first attempt at anything multi-chapter and I didn’t know what I was doing. I still don’t, but I’ve gotten slightly better at masking it.

26. What is your favorite story you’ve ever written? Any fandom?

Fandom-wise, I’ve only written for Bughead. “Second City”/the “Who Sings Heartache to Sleep” universe is (clearly) my favorite. I actually enjoy rereading old chapters, which is not a place I’ve been with my own writing in ages and ages.

27. What are you reading right now? Both fan fiction and general fiction?

I’m working on my master’s thesis proposal, so I’m doing a lot of reading about early modern theatre, seventeenth century midwifery manuals, and feminist theory. I’m also running a reading group on film noir, so I’ve read several of those this summer. I reread The Unbearable Lightness of Being for the sixth time, but it was for a student I tutor. I’m looking forward to reading a romance novel, probably Nora Roberts, when I visit my parents in a few weeks.

For fic, I’m subscribed to so so many and am behind on most of them. The ones I’ll drop everything to read as soon as I see the notification include anything by @lessoleilscouchants or @sylwrites, Summer Storm by @lazydaizies, Interbellum by @wolfofansbach, Serpent and the Swan by @jugandbettsdetectiveagency, Hearts in Velvet by @raptorlily, Carry On by @soulsofstarsliveinyourveins, Wicked Games by @ariquitecontrary, He Was Gone by @bettyluvsjuggie, What Fools These Mortals Be by @gellbellshead …gah, I know there are more. Those are ones that have either updated recently or that I’ve thought about recently for some reason or another.

28. Do you have an advice for writers that want to get into this fandom but might be scared?

Please please do it. I cannot emphasize enough how welcoming people are. I literally inserted myself in someone else’s conversation like a total creep and it’s the best thing I’ve done in months. I’ve never done anything like that before and definitely wouldn’t be able to in non-internet life. Think about if positions were reversed and you were the one already established in the fandom, how would you react to someone wanting to be your friend? You’d be pretty darn excited. That’s how I feel every day with all of you and I just want to spread the love.

And for writing specifically, and this is cliché advice but, you won’t get better unless you let other people read your work. And letting other people in and letting them be excited (because they will be) will make you so much more confident and motivated.

For real, though, while the last year of my life has been super rewarding personally and I’m happy, it’s also been one of the hardest and loneliest years of my life. And the hits just keep on coming. And you all have made the last month, at least, a lot easier.