#like i try to phrase it in an at least somewhat funny way but i hope you all realize i know its bad

[insertsickusername13]

Promises Made on October 30th

title is the concept and summary bc i thought of the title before the concept of the fic. whoops.

warnings: implied abuse, alcohol is referenced and consumed but not in like a bad way (most of the time), no smut but there's one scene where they kiss and i describe it in a gross way for some reason and sex is talked about once or twice

word count: 3.6k

 Jake spent most nights alone. He had friends, sure, and plans most evenings. Dates with girls, parties to attend, and though he’d like to spend the rest of his life swimming in a fuzzy unconsciousness where he was only just aware of his existence, half passed out on someone else’s couch, dawn always sunk her rosy fingers into the horizon and one hostess or another was forced to give Jake a pitying look as they showed him to the door.

 My parents will be home soon, some would say, and Jake would leave with a bitter laugh. If he was lucky, he’d get to stay and help clean up. On the best days, he could sometimes sneak in a quick fuck with whatever girl was still around. 

 Most nights, though, he left before anyone had the chance to kick him out. He spent hours sitting on the floor of his living room, staring at the front door and waiting for them to come home. If he pretended hard enough, the pictures on the walls weren’t the most terrifying thing he had ever faced. Photographs from family weddings, birthdays, anniversaries, and award ceremonies all taunted him. His parents’ faces stared at him, scrutinizing every move as he trembled, cried, and broke down. Every sob echoed back like a bullet ricocheted off metal. He was sitting expressionless in the middle of a war zone watching soldiers (read: dreams) and civilians (read: his future) bleed out and die on the floor around him. 

 Despite holding onto the childish hope that things would get better, that the future held something more than loneliness for Jake Dillinger, there was still the undeniable truth that it wouldn’t. Jake was doomed. Life wasn’t going to be anything special for him—he was going to suffer and he was going to have to get used to it young. He hated his parents, himself, his girlfriend, his life, and his house. He wasn’t going to kill himself, he wasn’t a coward, but he wasn’t going to wake up every morning and fight to be okay. He was resigned to his sadness.

 Until Rich Goranski knocked on his door at 10 pm on September 17th and showed Jake that silence wasn’t the only thing that could exist in his house. 

 He didn’t wait for an invitation inside. The second Jake had opened the door, Rich pushed past him and into the kitchen. He wasn’t quite fast enough for Jake to miss the bruises on his cheekbones or the way he favored his right leg over his left. Jake cataloged the injuries and promised himself he’d ask about them later. 

 “The hell are you doing here?” Jake called after him, his tone tipping over the border between annoyed and concerned.

 Rich shrugged and settled on the kitchen counter. He seemed to only be slightly aware of Jake’s presence, more focused on the empty floor in front of him. His eyes were glassy in a way that suggested he’d already been crying and was done with it. Jake studied him, searching for his next move in Rich’s body language. If Rich looked like he was going to cry again, Jake could probably swoop in for a hug without being called gay. If he didn’t, Jake would probably offer a drink. Or a movie?

 “Stop looking at me like that,” Rich snapped. He was looking up at Jake, his eyes narrowed and lips pressed together, almost like he was challenging him. Jake flinched back, unsure of what he’d done to deserve such treatment. 

 “Like what?”

 “Like I’m a fucking math problem or some shit. I’m not. Just fucking talk to me.”

 Jake considered him. Though it was invisible to Rich, Jake could still see bullets and spears flying through the air as people screamed out war cries and fought with everything in them for land or oil or their families. Metaphorical war didn’t end just because a friend had shown up. Jake was always surrounded by imagined violence; always on the verge of fleeing. 

 “I don’t know what you want from me,” Jake answered. His voice was barely loud enough to be heard over the sound of a bomb going off in the distance.

 Rich forced out a bitter laugh and hid his face behind his hands. 

 “God, fuck, me either. I don’t know why I’m here. Just fucking distract me. Do whatever the hell you want.”

 Jake found his parents’ record player in the living room and hit play. It was the only thing he could think to do—why, he wasn’t sure. But Rich had said anything, so Jake did anything. Some song by The Police (god, the irony) drifted through the room, a byproduct of his parents’ last anniversary together in the house. Jake had long since stopped caring—it didn’t even hurt to know they’d danced in this room, laughed in this room, raised him in this room. 

 He turned back to Rich and was met with a small, borderline amused, “What the hell, Jake?”

 “You said I could do whatever I wanted.”

 “This is what you want?”

 “I dunno.”

 Rich laughed as he hopped off the counter. The sound was so pure Jake watched the blood-soaked carpets go from crimson to pink as the rain washed away the worst of it. A white flag waved in the distance. Rich swayed to the music mindlessly, still favoring his right leg. 

 “Dancing?” Jake asked, the single word enough to get across his message. Rich nodded as he took Jake’s hand in his own and pulled him in close. 

 “Why not? We’ve got nothing better to do.”

 So Jake learned about music and dancing and how small Rich could feel when Jake had his hands on his hips, fingers digging into his skin just to convince himself Rich was real instead of some fantasy made up as a coping mechanism for his parents’ leering memory. Silence wasn’t the worst thing to exist. Jake knew how to make it go away.

 Still, that did nothing to dispel the obvious and ever-painful emptiness. Jake could play record after record as loud as he wanted until he had every song memorized and could sing it from any room in the house, but it was still empty.

He stumbled into the kitchen, drunk and disoriented, his feet dragging across the tile floor. Each step was like wading through the ocean, sea monsters grabbing at his ankles and trying to drag him under. He gripped counters and walls to keep himself afloat just long enough for Rich to knock on his door and saunter in, his presence a song in and of itself. 

 Jake followed his every movement with every sense: his ears, listening to the sound of Rich’s footsteps. Taste: kissing the corner of Rich’s mouth—never his lips, Jake wasn’t gay, but close enough that he could convince himself there was something like love brewing between them. Touch: holding onto Rich’s hand, his clothes, his hair, latching onto the warmth of him to convince himself the air conditioner wasn’t too cold or the empty spaces too vacant. 

 Sight: looking at Rich and only Rich. If he only looked at his hazel eyes and dyed-red hair and, on the days when Jake was weak and scared, his lips, then the shadows in the corners of the room lightened into something manageable and the photos on the walls that functioned as the closest thing Jake had to family faded into… well, photos. Just photos. 

 Rich helped, but he wasn’t enough to make the emptiness go away until October 15th.

 He showed up in the same way he had before. Glassy-eyed, hurt, and willing to do whatever Jake wanted to make everything slightly okay for a little while. 

 Tonight, Jake chose balloons. 

 “You can’t be serious,” Rich groaned. He was on Jake’s couch, a glass of white wine in hand. Something imported from Italy, or maybe France? All Jake knew was that it cost four hundred dollars.

 Jake shrugged. “Isn’t Brooke’s birthday coming up? It could be for her party.”

 “This is literally just a fucked up coping mechanism, don’t pretend it’s anything else.”

 Jake sighed disappointedly and leaned back against the couch. He was on the floor in front of it, a pack of two hundred balloons in his hand. They were all different colors—some neon, some pastel, some black, and others white. He’d bought them on a whim at a Walgreens for twenty bucks with no particular plan. Faced with his barren living room, the only signs of human existence the expensive vases on the end tables and the overstuffed throw pillows, he’d decided he’d blow them up and throw them around just to add a splash of color. 

 Jake looked up at Rich. He was half asleep but tense, his face scrunched up and hands clenched. It’d been bad this time around. It hadn’t just been Rich’s existence that pissed his dad off—he’d done something. Probably something minuscule, like broken a glass or clogged the toilet, but it was enough that what was usually a couple of light bruises and a limp had turned to black and blue blemishes over his right eye and up his chest. His lip was busted and every breath seemed labored and painful. Jake, unsure of what else to do, ran his thumb over Rich’s pulse and whispered, “Please?”

 Rich opened one eye to look down at Jake. Amongst the annoyance and pain, Jake saw a flash of pity. Rich shifted uncomfortably. 

 “Fine, but I have at least two broken ribs so you’re going to have to accept the fact I’m only blowing up one or two of these.”

 “Of course,” Jake rushed out, his hands already fumbling with the packaging of the balloons. “I wouldn’t—if it hurts, you don’t have to. Obviously. Just—”

 Rich thoughtlessly threaded his fingers through Jake’s hair. Jake’s voice gave out. 

 “I don’t understand you,” Rich whispered, not even bothering to look at Jake. “You’re confident all day, and then the second it gets dark you freak out. I’m the same person I am all the time. I know you don’t want to hurt me. Calm down.”

 It was, of course, a trend Jake had noticed as well. At school, he could control his tone and inflections to the point he sometimes wondered if he was accidentally manipulating the people around him into loving him. Then at night, when his defenses were already broken down by hours of facing the empty, stormy seas that were his house, he could barely find it in himself to get out a sentence without stuttering. 

 He blamed it on the one lie Rich had told in his claim: that he was the same person. He wasn’t. There was something different about nighttime Rich that had Jake’s face feeling too hot and the silence turning into the sound of his heart beating circles in his chest. 

 “Sorry,” Jake replied softly, “I dunno why it happens. You make me nervous.”

 Rich raised an eyebrow. Jake shoved a purple balloon in his face and hoped that would be enough for the topic to be dropped. It was still too sensitive, still too in the early stages of development, for Jake to be prepared enough to vocalize the worst of it. Someday, maybe. Probably. Once he didn’t have Christine to distract him or Jeremy’s constant insults to scare him into suppressing every urge that didn’t perfectly line up with the picture everyone else had of him in their minds. 

 Rich took the balloon and started to blow it up. For Jake, the process was effortless. Rich struggled through it tediously, taking small breaths and wincing after almost every one. Jake hated to say that he’d originally interpreted Rich’s complaints as a joke, but his worry hadn’t really spiked until Rich choked out an awkward, muffled cough and pained groan. 

 “Do you need—”

 “No,” Rich breathed, “No, I’m fine. Shut up, Jake.”

 Jake turned back to his neon green balloon without a word. He’d blown up almost twenty by now, enough to coat half the living room in a thin layer of color. He thoughtlessly kicked one with his foot and smiled as he watched it hit a picture of his mother and uselessly bounce off. Smiling, he kicked another one. It hit a picture of himself as a child. 

 He turned to Rich to tell him—about what, he wasn’t sure. Kicking balloons? Hitting pictures of himself and his family? His coping mechanisms were getting more fucked up by the second—and was almost immediately paralyzed by… fuck, by Rich. Just Rich. 

 He was sitting crisscross on the couch, a balloon in his lap. He’d spent the last four and a half minutes blowing it up to just a little bigger than Jake’s head. It was still smaller than it was supposed to be but Jake wasn’t going to complain. It was physically impossible when he could barely get enough oxygen in his lungs to speak. It wasn’t that there was a crushing panic on his chest stopping him from breathing, it was something much brighter. There were so many butterflies in his stomach they were flying into his chest and choking off every inhale. 

 Rich’s lips were wet. That was really what doomed Jake. He’d previously been unaware that every time Rich removed the balloon from his mouth he felt the need to lick his lips, but now that Rich was focused purely on tying the balloon off and was giving Jake ample time to stare, Jake was forced to acknowledge the way his vision tunneled at the sight. The way his whole body seemed to go warm. 

 Jake turned fully to face Rich, the balloon in his hand completely abandoned in lieu of watching Rich stick his tongue out in frustration as he struggled to keep the balloon inflated while tying the knot. When he finally succeeded, he burst into a smile louder than any record Jake had played over the past month.

 Rich looked up, eyes bright, and faltered when he found Jake already staring at him. He cleared his throat as his face flushed red. 

 “Uh, hi,” he squeaked out. Jake wanted to scream. This was one of the differences that left him speechless. Daytime Rich would smirk and call him gay. This Rich just looked flustered. 

 “Hi,” Jake whispered back. 

 “Whatcha doin’?”

 Jake considered his response carefully. One song or another was playing softly in the background, the balloons were filling up the emptiness. Everything was kind of okay. Jake had nothing left to cope with. He just… 

 “I really want to kiss you right now,” he answered. Rich froze. 

 “What?”

 Jake got up just enough so he was kneeling, purple and green and red balloons gathered around his knees and feet and the coffee table his back was pressed up against. He leaned up so he was close enough to run his pointer finger down Rich’s jawline and nudge his nose against Rich’s.

 “You heard me. You can tell me to stop.”

 Rich remained silent. Jake thought he felt ocean waters rising around his waist, drowning his balloons and pictures in stormy salt water. So he did the only thing he could think of.

He kissed Rich like his life depended on it, because it did, and felt his heart start beating again for the first time in months when Rich kissed him back just as desperate and soft and messily. 

 Hands tangled in Rich’s hair, mouth open and his tongue practically shoved in Rich’s mouth, licking at teeth like they were nectar or ambrosia, he scrambled onto the couch, limbs slow and unsteady as he climbed over Rich and forced him back against the couch. He tried to get himself closer to his paradise, his respite, his island in the middle of the ocean, but all he got was a wretched screeching sound and the feeling of air-filled plastic against his chest. 

 He pulled away just enough for Rich to let out a small whine as they lost contact with each other.

 “Rich.”

 “Yeah?” Rich asked breathlessly, already trying to lean up and kiss him again. 

 “Get rid of the fucking balloon.”

 Rich’s eyes widened, almost comically so. Jake wanted to cry at the way that sent his heart into overdrive.

 “Yeah, yeah, right, hold on—”

 He threw it across the room. Jake found the balloons kind of useless now. He was so filled with giddiness and hope that he couldn’t even comprehend how anything could ever be empty. 

 Until October 30th. 

 Rich didn’t need to knock on Jake’s door or let himself in. Jake was at Rich’s house, banging on the door repeatedly, each knock echoing and panicked. He didn’t stop until Rich swung the door open, rumpled and half asleep. 

 “What the fuck?” 

 “I need to talk to you.”

 Rich glanced back inside—presumably at his dad—before nodding. 

 “Yeah, okay, lemme get changed and put on my shoes, then we can go.”

 Jake nodded rapidly. His mind was racing beyond what he could understand, landing on panicked responses before he even knew what had triggered his fight or flight. He didn’t stop moving even as Rich disappeared back into his house. His foot tapped against the concrete. His fingers picked at his nails and the fabric of his shirt and his hair. Curses ran through his mind like a broken record, repeated until the sound was imprinted on Jake’s brain. 

 Rich appeared and suddenly everything in Jake’s mind went silent. 

 “So… are we doing this here or…?”

 “My house. Not uh—” Jake glanced back behind Rich. Not near your father was the implied statement. Rich sagged with relief.

 “Okay, yeah. Let’s go.”

 Jake could feel Rich’s concern in his gaze. He was watching Jake’s every move as if preparing for something, like Jake was going to swerve the car off the road and into a ditch or shoot himself. It made Jake want to laugh. Or scream. Or cry. He was going to die. 

 He didn’t even make it back to his own house. It was only a six-minute drive and he only made it four minutes in before he pulled over on the side of the road and stormed out of the car, his whole body trembling. He didn’t know where he was going, just that he needed an escape from the cramped driver’s seat of his car. He needed the autumn air to stop him from overheating and the wide expanse of stars to talk him down from an anxiety attack. 

 Rich fumbled after him, too confused to be panicked and too disoriented to be calm. 

 “What the hell?! Slow down—”

 Jake halted and spun on his heel, eyes wide. They were by a pond with benches and a dock and a parking lot only twenty feet away. There were grills along the beach and a football in the grass. Jake almost screamed. Every sign of humanity felt like too much. If he was going to do this, he needed it to be in the middle of the desert or the empty expanse of space with no one but Rich around to hear his confession.

 No. Fuck it. He needed to do this now. 

 “I’m gay.”

 Rich seized up. He was only a foot away from Jake, close enough so when he finally regained control of his muscles, he was able to reach out and take Jake’s hands. 

 “Really?” he whispered, looking up at Jake with eyes that literally shone like gold or diamonds. Jake wanted to drown in it.

 He swallowed his shame, not caring that it burned at his throat, and said, “Yeah. Yeah, fuck. Not all the way. I like girls. But I like kissing you and I like boys and I… I just like you. All of you. All the way. I like you. I’m really sorry.”

 Rich broke out into a grin. 

 “Yeah?” he asked just for confirmation. Jake nodded again. 

 Rich jumped up into Jake’s arms, fully committed to getting as physically close as he could. He wrapped his legs around Jake’s waist and his arms around his neck and fingers in his hair and kissed him hard on the lips. Jake felt like he was at home for the first time in years.

 “Me too,” Rich said between kisses, “Me too. So much. So fucking much.”

 Jake smiled into every kiss, so ecstatic he could barely keep himself standing. He fell back into the grass whispering, “Run away with me. Forever. It’s terrible here. It’s so terrible.”

 Rich nodded in agreement and pressed a gentle kiss on Jake’s neck. 

 “They hate us and we’re gonna find someplace better. I have enough money. Just run away with me, please. We can go anywhere you want.”

 “Anywhere?” Rich asked. He sounded pained, like the word burned as it came out. Jake nodded and propped himself up on his elbows. 

 “Anywhere. Just promise me you won’t leave.”

 Rich smiled and kissed him again. 

 “I promise,” he murmured, “I promise you’re beautiful, I promise I’ll run away with you, I promise I won’t leave, I—”

 He paused. Dread burrowed itself like a bullet in Jake’s chest. He searched Rich’s expression for answers before Rich had the chance to start speaking again. 

 “Not… not tonight, though, okay? There’s something I gotta do first.”

 “Is it—?”

 “Don’t worry about it, Jake. It’s nothing. How about Sunday? Give me tomorrow to take care of things, then we’re gone.”

 November first. The day after tomorrow. 

 Jake could handle it. He’d host his Halloween party, break up with Christine, and tie up any loose ends he had left. He’d be gone before he ever had to clean up the hell of a mess his friends were sure to leave behind in his parents' house.

 “Promise?” he whispered.

 Rich nodded. 

 “Promise. I just need tomorrow.”

[vermutandherring]

I've always felt that there was something missing from the romance in The Sims 4, though I can't quite put my finger on what. The depth of the relationship? Passion? Variety of interactions? Now, 10 years later, when our characters have learned how to raise children and organize weddings, we can finally teach them the art of love. At least that's what you'd expect from a Lovestruck.

Meet Julianne - together with her we will discover a never-before-seen world of romance, the journey to which starts from the phone (let's ignore the fact that I chose to play in my historical save file). Game doesn't give us a separate option to create an account on the dating app. As with Social Bunny, it works by default. From the first minutes of playing for another household, several sims called my character: some claimed that they got this number from friends, others that they were impressed by the profile in Cupid's Corner (which I did not create) and wanted to get to know each other. Arguably, your large social circle and popularity will attract more potential love interests. Or it's just my imagination and your acquaintances will have no effect on the appearance of calls with offers to get to know each other.

You can take your own profile photo, but without corresponding skill it will take some time. Actually, I love how cute it looks.

However, the best way to succeed in anything is to take matters into your own hands. The game offers us 6 candidates every 12 hours, which you can immediately add to your contacts and go on a date. These are both homeless NPCs and sims you create. I did not check whether it is possible to meet profiles of characters with romantic relationships, but all the households I came across were single, which is obviously the main condition for Cupid's Corner.

I also can't tell if the game selects profiles according to a certain principle. Only 1-2 sims had the same traits as Julianne. The rest were matched by age and gender. All this gives the impression that the application for dating is made somewhat lazily. There is very little information about the characters - only 2 traits, age and living place. And this despite the fact that in CAS we can choose an incredible number of hobbies and traits that can attract our sims.

It was funny to see profiles of the sims' I made before. You can say Wesker is always in my saves ✨

Perhaps there is logic in this, if we take into account that sims themselves have to learn more about each other during dates. So, having chosen 3 candidates, I send Julianne on the first date. Here you have to be careful and send your sims exactly on a date from the EP. Now, in addition to the huge and chaotic menu of communication, you will have another type of dating, which does not overwrite the basic one, but exists separately (which, in my opinion, does not make any sense, since they are identical in essence). After looking through the buy catalog beforehand, I purchased a picnic tablecloth and a board game, hoping to try out some new interactions.

Oh, this iconic arrival on the lot where sims stand around, waving their fingers until they want to drink water or to do the push-ups. I don't think that you are obliged to gift something on the first date. However, here we are talking about a game with a somewhat hyperbolic reality. It would be very nice if your partner greeted you with flowers, candy or a funny gift. But… no. Do you remember the phrase about taking matters into your own hands?

Dating in Lovestruck is no different from basic dating, except that it is now organized as an event, for which you will receive a reward. To finish it successfully, you need to complete as many tasks as possible: talk, flirt, and do activities that you have previously chosen. Like always, everything on the date depends only on you. This is the first and not the last time when I want to remember previous Sims games. Unlike the fourth part, in Sims 2 you can't spend the perfect date relying only on your whims. You should pay attention to your partner's wishes by asking what they want or checking their wishes on the date panel. This way, you make sure that both characters have a good time interacting with each other. In the Sims 4, those moments when your love interest takes the initiative are rather annoying, because their actions may not count towards the dating success scale, wasting your time.

Let's return to Julianne. A bit of grilled cheese, light conversation and a board game were a good start to getting to know each other. The picnic tablecloth is officially my absolute favorite part of the DLC. You can do relatively many things together, and it looks a lot better than sitting in different corners of the room with plates in hand. For me personally, this is exactly what I was missing - to watch how sims adequately communicate with each other, without getting up from their seats to play on the computer. This date ended with gold, for which Julianne received a sweet photo with Vittorio.

Without wasting time, Julianne goes on a second date. It was a bit more boring as I sent sims to a bar to explore the new town. Ciudad Enamorada is a new world, which represents the countries of the Iberian basin and Latin America. It is difficult for me to clearly state my opinion about the city. On the one hand, it is very reminiscent of San Myshuno, but feels more empty and sham like in the case of Tomarang. I suspect that EA have been planning for a long time to move to more modern versions of DirectX and started making bigger worlds full of large, carefully decorated areas to create an open world feel. In the already mentioned Tomarang, you can view the whole neighborhood, while being on the same lot.

But this attempt to deceive the player does not save the situation. The streets look empty due to too little traffic of cars and characters. 10 characters in the cozy Willow Creek neighborhood add life to the town, while the same number of characters in the huge Ciudad Enamorada give the impression of a ghost city.

There's not a lot you can do in these areas, and it turns this beautiful city into another one empty box.

Although there are also pleasant moments. For example, in parks you can meet characters spending time together. Just don't look at them for too long, otherwise you will notice that they sit on the benches for whole days, poking their fingers at the clouds and at the starry sky.

Now your sims can stargaze on the benches and this animation is really sweet. I'd wish it were just a bit more diverse, maybe with kissing interaction (my man deff doesn't understand hints).

Julianne's date with Hosea went well. It was the usual conversations about interests and jokes over a glass of root beer and a little flirting. Since this is the first meeting, Julianne did not insist on extremely frank details, stopping at superficial facts about herself, because now you can not only ask your beloved ones about their likes, but also share your own. The developers tried to deepen the relationship by adding more psychological moments. It would seem that the preferences of sims should be based on this, which would influence their choice of a partner. But to be honest, I couldn't feel it. The information you learn about the characters constantly bombards you with an endless number of messages, reading which is very tiring. Even after reaching the maximum relationship, my sims never developed any specific preferences and could not tell each other anything new (or maybe I create too boring sims).

The second date quickly tired me out, as it was not much different from the first. I managed to finish it for silver, after which Julianne had a little rest. As a reward, she received a teddy bear. I expected that partners after successful dates would quickly want to see each other again. But the rare times they did call, they were asking for advice on relationships with other sims. This is another gap that the devs didn't try to fix or simply ignored its existence - the game does not take into account your current relationship and romantic level with other characters. I think this is an interesting option if you are playing for a polyamorous relationship. But for Julianne, I set the goal to find a partner and chose the exact settings for her in CAS, which the game ignored. Frustrated by this, I sent her on a third date.

It was awful. Julianne couldn't find approach to Omari, and each of their lines turned the date into a complete mess. Neither jokes nor attempts to find a common language helped. It ended up with bronze and little flower as a reward for wasted time. You can also end the date early, or ask to extend it if you don't have time to collect the reward (the additional time decreases with each attempt). Maybe things would have turned out better if Julianne had practiced her romance skill. This is another controversial point for me, with which I cannot decide.

Of course, we must learn to find an approach to each other, train patience, be able to accept our partners and talk about our problems and complaints to each other in order to solve them. But in Lovestruck, romance skill is geared towards unlocking additional interactions, such as kissing or sharing candy box. Do I really have to go on multiple dates and get into relationships with different partners to finally learn how to present sweets? I understand that this was done mostly in order to make the gameplay a little more difficult and exciting, to add some time before you get completely bored.

After all, this skill exists because there must be new skill in Expansion Pack. It's very reminiscent of a similar parenting skill in Parenthood, but some things look absurd. Skills from WW has more sense, but for obvious reason devs can't put something that spicy into the game. Eventually, I got tired of developing a talent for romancing other sims and had to use a cheat code.

Julianne ended up with Hosea. Not because he called after a date or wanted to see her. But because I accidentally bumped into him while was hanging around in the park doing quest (this is really tiny quest you can find in the park and finish it within 10 minutes, 5 of which is loading screens). As we know, nothing makes you closer and helps to grow connection like fishing. But this I would do without paying 40$ (or 999 UAH, for God's sake).

I got tired of Julianne's love story. I tried pushing their progression with Hosea to see what else the game can propose. Not that much. So I switched on other married couple.

I adore new furniture. It embody well the atmosphere of romance and erotic mood, which can be supplemented with wallpaper with interesting animal patterns (I missed zebra and leopard prints since Sims 2). It looks like something you expect to meet in the 'certain places for adults' and I like that devs went a bit further than just a bunch of cute stuff. The only thing that does not go well with the 'strip-clubs-velvet style' is art deco. Why don't make more club/bar furniture with booth seats, puffs and huge mirrors in soft cloth is beyond me. But now, if you want full art deco collection, you should get Hight School Years and Lovestruck altogether. I find it quite funny, not sure either in bad or good context.

As I already mentioned, picnic tablecloth is my absolute favorite from the whole EP. It also has the bear rug variation, which fits just perfect for your romantic evenings by the fireplace. I'm sure Victor and Lily will agree with this.

Same interactions are available for both the rug and the cloth because these are literally the same object.

But what if I tell you that it already was in The Sims, 20 years ago?

Gif made from this video. All credits to the original creator.

I don't like to think about it as an "easter egg". Almost every DLC for The Sims 4 is repeating of the same content and functions from the previous games, but with less functionality. And EA charges extra money for it over and over again. Now let's just wait till they figure out how to implement the biggest easter egg of The Sims series ever - cars.

You can make your sims sitting with drinks like in The Sims 1, but of course it has different vibe.

Time to talk about the "hottest" part of this add-on - the seductive dance. To do this, you will have to develop a little not only relationships, but also romantic skill. Dressing up in erotic outfits is optional and not a requirement. That's where all the fun ends. Your partner will begin to move to the rhythm of the dance, which lasts several minutes and during which nothing happens but monotonous movements. Again, this can be described with the words "cute" and "funny", which fits perfectly with the whole family friendly concept of the game. To be honest, I am not categorically against this, because the step towards real erotic and sexuality makes The Sims 4 hover over the abyss of what is appropriate for its age limit.

This review is already too long, but I would like to add a little more about the interactions. I counted a dozen new romantic interactions with animations. For some of them, you will have to increase your romantic skills. Other parts (such as questions or flirting) use the same animations as in the base game. The menu of relationships has become even more chaotic, the description of preferences is even more complicated and unclear. If you want to make the gameplay more varied, you will have to spend a lot of time reading the explanations and noting these details in your head. And even then, I'm not sure if it will make your game more diverse.

As It's been told many times before, Lovestruck EP makes the romance too complicated. Obviously, the developers tried to add depth to the relationship that was so lacking, but in the end they went in wrong direction. Maybe I should play more to understand new features better. But I just don't have the desire for it. The gameplay became so full of text that I started to turn a blind eye to it. I have no doubt that the new features will give someone more variation to play and build their stories. But for me this DLC doesn't cost neither full nor discount price at all.

I love suits and Lily in butler's uniform wins my heart 🖤 Pose is CC.

There are also some features I didn't mention (like therapy for couples which broke my relationship) so there's a bit more to discover. You are free to argue with me of course. Sometimes I think I'm too biased about the game.

[tailsdollr]

some funny guys I'm deciding to talk their significance because I definitely need to share more about this au!-

firstly if you ever wanna ask anything about leftbound, go ahead. I understand I'm not exactly the best at sharing and may leave things vague. (´ﾟωﾟ｀)

Phonie

Phonie is a copy of Tord that can be found within most areas of the labyrinth albeit rare. It is made off the thought that perhaps everything Tord did was fake all along, and there was nothing between him and Edd.

It has no halo and just wings. Tho they are black like a ravens. It has an outline around it's face where the shell of it will pop out, revealing that it's completely hollow except for eyes. Or at least.. Appears empty.

It will randomly appear and follow you or just full on replace Tord if you are with him. It's appearance is unnoticeable and silent. It will perfectly mimic Tord but in way that is mechanical. Only being able to sag phrases that he has said before.

It can open doorways like how Tord can but instead of leading to a random area of the labyrinth, it leads to nothing but an empty black space.

The Dead

Due to the reincarnation and how Edd, while not on purpose, keeps certain things alive, the dead are in an idle state. Not entirely dead but there as an unused asset to recall.

Reincarnation makes a new body. So all of them are stored here. They are stuck in whatever state they are left in, unable to die. They cannot talk. While most can still sleep and eat in the labyrinth, they cannot do either. Whatever they have that is remnant of their body will try to stabilize into something to mobilize them.

Jon is a special case. Being content with with death. Although he seems to be withering like the others in a shriveled burning paper like way. He can sometimes summon limbs for himself, although not attached. Jon cannot talk like the others, and instead tries to use his limited expression of SL.

Laurel is somewhat an abnormally too. She also has her conscious left and can feel it through the pain. Her goal is to use their new chance at something resembling life and try to find Eduardo. She will be ok knowing he's okay. It'll be a proper goodbye to him, and something hopefully will help him be okay with her death.

Most of the other dead through the state which they have died can only coing onto what's near them for any semblance of hope.

[egg-emperor]

do you think Eggman actually wants to kill/torture sonic? The sonic channel says in eggmans bio that he doesn’t hate sonic deep down in his heart, does Eggman have morals??

That's what the Sonic Channel bio says with Google translate, which is the most unreliable form of translation and in this case very inaccurate for Eggman's character. I rely more on DeepL but it's having trouble with this, it just says "deep down he hates him" lol

But in more reliable translation it doesn't seem to state that he doesn't actually hate him, which I think is an important distinction to make. Here's an example of a human translation of that part, which is always better than a machine one:

"Tender" doesn't feel like a fitting word at all though. This is the absolute closest you've ever got to him being somewhat... affectionate?... towards Sonic in a genuine way in the games, I suppose:

I mean, he's saying he finds him admirable. And it's funny because this is as he's attempting to blow him up to kill him and really thinks he's succeeded this time. I guess you can say that's kind of affectionate in his own twisted way by declaring it in his send-off, that works lol

Now in his Origins bio, they're very clearly referring to this same aspect in that bio but with a huge rephrasing that feels muuuch more fitting than "tender":

You can tell because it's beat for beat with the whole "he wants to defeat Sonic, but deep down-" phrasing

In this case, kinship clearly refers to the feeling of "a sharing of characteristics/other similarities." (Not the other way in being related in a familial sense, no way in hell lol) This is a massive improvement, absolutely PERFECT phrasing Imo.

This makes a lot more sense because it has game evidence. I look at what's in the games to support any outside word. If there isn't any, I don't accept it, canon is what's in the source media/text, any word outside has to be at least heavily supported by/align with it.

This scene specifically has him explain his feelings on Sonic in his own words perfectly. You're not gonna get it from a better place than the horse's mouth. It also shows where I feel the "kinship" is:

It reaffirms that he absolutely does hate him and makes sure to specifically heavily emphasize it. You can hear it in his voice and it's not just in his words, he shows it in his actions, his dislike and threats aren't empty as he tries to outright hurt and kill Sonic all the time.

But it also shines more light on the way that he can also have respect for him, similarly to the way that he called him his admirable adversary in SA2. He can acknowledge that he has talent and admirable tenacity without liking him.

These are closest to "tender" they've gotten with him towards Sonic in canon if we're going to try assign anything to that at all. But again, I feel the rephrasing of it being him feeling a kinship is a lot more accurate with all things considered.

It fits perfectly because Eggman is exactly the same. He also has raw talent with his genius IQ and his creations and plans and tenacity to keep trying and never give up on his goals.

They've always been like two sides of the same coin, drastic opposites of traits in some aspects but also very similar in others, such as tenacity and skill level. This is what makes them perfect narrative foils to each other.

It shows they're a match in battle. Proves he's smart too in recognizing it, if he wasn't he wouldn't stand a chance against Sonic but instead he puts up the greatest fight of all villains and the one that still lives to fight again and again.

I talked a bit more about how even the way that they're opposites in themes yet can have an interesting overlap into almost similarities in the way they go about it at the same time in this post, which I feel is also worth mentioning.

Sage recognizes and praises Eggman's tenacity in the next cutscene they're together after he specifically mentions and praises Sonic for his, so she notices similarity between them too:

So to sum up my stance- the idea of it being "tenderness" on Eggman's part feels inaccurate too, unless you're saying it's like, the closest he can get in his own twisted way then sure lol. But it certainly isn't in the way that fits the genuine definition with the ways he's actually shown to feel and think about him.

I feel the words kinship and respect are the most accurate descriptors by definition though. He does indeed feel those towards him but he absolutely hates his guts at the same time. And that's what makes that Frontiers scene so good for summing it up so perfectly. I think it really is that simple at its core.

And he absolutely does hate him and makes it very clear constantly in the games, as recently as Frontiers, so it hasn't changed at all over time either. He's been very violent and shown eagerness and attempt various kinds of graphic injury and death to Sonic and often attempts to act on those threats.

He has taken great delight in Sonic seemingly meeting his demise twice, so it doesn't get any more blatant than that:

He has also been very unenthused and expressed disappointment when he survives his attempts to kill him multiple times:

Lol

And no, Eggman doesn't have any known good morals that ever limit him from doing anything bad and harmful in the games. His only limit is what results in the world he wants to rule being completely destroyed so he can no longer rule it, also the only reason he teams up to save the world, besides to save himself too of course.

Case in point- Eggman saying that he doesn't want to destroy the planet completely:

Yet also showing little care for the state of it when the damage is done, as long as there's still enough for him to conquer:

Sums it up because this is within the same game too, though there are many examples of this throughout the series. Where he'll cause mass amounts of destruction to get what he wants but if another bad guy threatens to completely destroy it to the point it ceases to exist so he can't rule it and of course puts him in danger, he'll team up to stop it.

He also tries to kill Sonic and co all the time, even characters as young as 8 and 6 and has no hesitation or remorse. Sage also hasn't changed this at all, as Dream Team is canon and takes place after Frontiers.

So if he doesn't have good moral standards that stop him from targeting actual children then yeah, makes sense for him to not have them anywhere else either. You can't really stoop any lower.

Which is why I think the concept of him torturing Sonic in Forces makes a lot of sense too. There's never been anything to say he wouldn't. Certainly not any moral limits. I can imagine he'd jump at the chance to torture Sonic in at least some way when he gets his hands on him for that long.

Eggman's character when broken down to its essentials are very simple. Hating Sonic is one of them. But his feelings and actions in how he actually goes about them are a lot more complex and complicated. In the way he's still able to recognize his ability and give him credit where it's due and have respect for him from a formidable adversary standpoint.

The man's got a point

Simple when it comes to his core traits, personality, and motives. Can be much more complex and complicated in his feelings and actions. That's what gives him such compelling depth to me. He's super interesting to analyze and it's so much more fun and eye opening when viewing his character with this nuance. He's not to be oversimplified or overcomplicated.

I like Eggman's dynamic with Sonic because it's not simplistic in the "he hates him so much he can't recognize and respect any of his abilities/skills" nor "he can recognize and respect any of his abilities/skills, so that means he doesn't really hate him". It's more complex and nuanced than that and I like it.

It shows he's smart when he can recognize and respect Sonic's skills so he can stand a chance against him. It also benefits him by proving his intelligence and strength in being able to continue to challenge him after all this time, so it's a way for him to take pride in it too.

If he denied them, it would also make himself look weak for being able to defeat him but he's far from it. If Sonic wasn't as strong and skilled as he is, Eggman would easily be able to take over the world. He proved it in Forces, if it wasn't for Sonic it would've been a permanent victory.

Having a powerful enemy proves he's a powerful threat. Having what it takes to take on a guy who's been able to kill beings of god-like power says a lot about his own too, so acknowledging it benefits himself in multiple ways and that's always an important factor when it comes to him lol

The Sonic Channel commentary at the end of this Sonic and Eggman cover story describes Eggman's feelings on Sonic and their roles in each other's lives perfectly (excerpt from the "what really entertains him" section):

I also like how it notes that Eggman can enjoy the thrill of the battles as he is seen having as great of a time with it as often as he can be fueled by rage during them. Just like Sonic can too, another of their similarities there 💜

[violent-optimism]

A (somewhat organized) collection of thoughts/things I noticed from the new TF #7 Comic (Spoilers!) - Part 1

Hello yes, I have things I would like to say, please!!

Let's start with Soldier.

I think we all knew damn well this was coming, but I don't think anyone expected him to propose A MINUTE after where the last comic ended. They're so cute and perfect for each other in their own twisted way, UGH!!!

Also I love how Heavy says no and he blatantly ignores it because of course he does. Heavy clearly disapproves of this relationship, but I like to think he also said "no" because he understands that Zhanna is fully capable of making that decision on her own and in the end it's not his choice, it's hers.

Soldier has a LOT of scenes and dialogue in this comic and I don't think that's a coincidence. I think it was a very conscious choice to honor Rick May, whom this comic is dedicated to. All of Soldier's scenes were so good and funny and I like to think Rick May would have enjoyed them if he were still here.

2. Miss Pauling and the Australium

There is so much to talk about here but I'm going to try and keep it brief.

Now, this was always kind of my headcanon, but I genuinely think this comic proves that Australium has almost a corrupting ability for those around it (similar to the One Ring in LOTR). Almost like it brings out the worst in people, or at least the greed. Miss Pauling never seemed like a greedy person until she finally got her hands on the Australium. It really didn't seem like her and it was very off-putting (in a good way if that makes sense).

When I first read this I had this horrible, sinking feeling that Miss Pauling was going to betray the mercs and end up being the over-arching villain or something. Needless to say, I'm VERY glad I was wrong. But surely I wasn't the only one who feared this? I mean look at the way she's staring at it the entire comic! (except for the end).

Also I thought Miss Pauling was already second in command?? That's wild. She's done so much for the Administrator and she's not even near the top of the corporate ladder.

3. Spy saving Miss Pauling.

When I tell you I audibly GASPED when this happened. I was on the edge of my seat like I was watching a movie!

Between this scene and the part where Spy tries to comfort Miss Pauling when they're captured, it's obvious that he really, REALLY cares about her. It's so heart-warming that one of the (seemingly) coldest mercs is also the one that was literally willing to jump in front of a plane to save her.

Love it. Love it a lot.

4. Sniper and the Plane

Sniper, my beloved...I can't tell you how happy I was to finally see you in the new comic.

Out of all the things I would expect to be in Sniper's repertoire, being a pilot was definitely not one of them. And yet it just makes sense?? (he might not actually be a licensed pilot per say but the way Spy phrases the question makes me think this isn't the first time).

I also love how his only line of dialogue (I think) in the entire comic is when he suggests to steal a broken down plane lol truly a professional with standards.

I just love this shot SO much. Seeing all of them crammed into that tiny plane is such a hilarious idea on its own. I love how Pyro is reaching for the fire at the front of the plane (I think?) and Medic's hilarious expression as he looks out the window along with the baby baboon (His pet? His child??)

This reaffirms my theory that Sniper is just the designated driver no matter what is going on or what kind of vehicle it is. He looks like he's about to lose it on them like a frustrated dad at any second lol

5. Scout and Miss Pauling

I don't know how anyone else feels about this moment, but I personally LOVED it.

Because let's be honest, the trope of Scout being madly in love with Miss Pauling (and not receiving any ounce of affection back) was starting to become a little old and tiresome at this point. There needed to be some kind of resolution to it, but it's painfully obvious that things were never going to go the way Scout wanted them to.

And I love how he comes to this realization COMPLETELY on his own. Scout is smarter than people give him credit for and it's so refreshing for him to finally show some maturity and realize when enough is enough. It's time for him to move on and he knows that, and we eventually see him following through with it.

I also adore the scene that comes immediately afterwards. There's absolutely no hard feelings on either side and I just love their relationship for exactly what it is.

6. The Administrator Reveal and the Mercs Reactions

I'm not gonna lie, this was.....really fucking creepy. Like, it almost ventured into the horror genre which was not what I expected from a TF Comic (not that I'm complaining at all, I loved it!).

I cannot believe that this whole time Zepheniah Mann has actually been alive, and the Administrator has been keeping him that way and FORCING him to watch his sons pointless war for the rest of his life. Like...DAMN.

I know we still don't fully understand her motivations or why exactly she's doing this but in my opinion that actually makes it scarier. I like that we didn't just get all the answers on a silver platter and the writers still left some mystery, right until the end.

Most of the mercs do a good job at representing how I actually looked while I was reading this scene. Almost everyone looks either horrified or confused. Medic's the only one that looks more fascinated than anything but what else did you expect? lol

Part 2 to come!

[nudistjayne]

Topless UK beach (part 2)

This is a continuation of my beach experience with friends (below).

After standing around topless for a little while I had noticed a fair bit of attention. It’s a very unusual occurrence on UK beaches so I think quite a few were curious about my state of undress. Whilst I wasn’t embarrassed by it I didn’t want to cause a scene or have any issues so I decided to sit down again and return to my book. My friends by now couldn’t avoid the situation either, it had gone from a causal lean to being stood up for all to see. One of them asked how I could be so open about things and if it felt a bit weird with everyone seeing me. We talked a little about it, I explained it was just part of my body and that guys could be topless so why couldn’t we? I said they should try it too but they didn’t seem very keen at taking up the offer. It was a bit of a shame as I’d been hoping one in particular might have had the courage to join in.

I continued reading for a while, but decided I wasn’t going to be careful about hiding my breasts. I lent on my front, laid on my back and also sat up for a bit too. My friends were still a little quizzical and unsure about it and one of them pointed out a guy who had moved very close to us and was taking pictures of our group. They were worried that he’d have pictures of me topless. It’s a bit of a funny one as I’ve had it happen a few times before on nudist beaches. I’ve looked into it and there’s technically nothing wrong with it. They haven’t followed me or been threatening, just taking pictures (whilst extremely weird) isn’t illegal and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. I turned around to face him and gave him a bit of a stare and he put his phone down and stopped. I hadn’t expected this but at least he seemed to have some scruples, my friends were impressed that I’d ‘confronted’ him in some way.

Some of the group decided to go for a paddle in the water and as it was getting really hot now I decided to join them too. I’d previously packed my bikini top away in my bag so I wasn’t tempted to cover up at any point. I stood up and one of the girls reminded me not to forget my top. I replied saying I don’t need it and started walking off. There were definitely some surprised looks on their faces as they started to realise I didn’t actually care about being seen like this. We were only about 30 meters from the sea so we picked our way through the other people and groups on the beach as we made our way to the water. It was pretty cold so I started just up to my knees whilst chatting with friends as we acclimatised to the temperature. There were plenty of others also swimming and walking about in the shallows too. After a few minutes I took the plunge and went in fully. I love swimming so I swam up and down a little and out a little further than the rest as well. It was refreshing and exhilarating to be in the sea and even better that I could enjoy it mostly unencumbered by clothes.

I headed back in to about waist height and walked back through the sea towards my friends a little further along. I passed two guys who were having a very loud conversation about me. I didn’t catch it all but the one phrase I did hear was “she won’t need a floatation device” followed by lots of laughter. They said it very loudly as I was just passing them. I can only assume they were trying to embarrass me somewhat. I did my very best not to appear embarrassed at all, I just turned around and looked at them. They continued laughing so I carried on walking and just ignored them. I’m glad it was a hot and sunny day as my slightly red face as I reached my friends didn’t seem out of place. We played a little more in the shallows then one friend went for a stroll along the beach, while the rest went back to the towels. I went for another swim as I don’t get the opportunity as much as I would like.

I swam about for quite a while and found I’d drifted maybe 100 meters along the beach. I swam to the shore so I could walk back up towards my friends. As I started walking I noticed the photo guy from earlier was stood on the beach staring right at me (phone in hand). We were quite away from our beach spot so he must have followed me here. I wasn’t too worried he would do anything as the beach was packed and everyone would have seen. But it did make me a little uncomfortable as he’d clearly been using his phone to photo or video me. I decided to return to the water a little and walk back at about thigh height. This meant I could keep my distance and made me feel a little better. I made sure not to hurry or make it seem like I was the slightest bit concerned and soon I was back with my friends and drying off in the sunshine on my towel. The creepy guy had also returned to his spot. He didn’t cause any more hassle and I didn’t see his phone again so I guess he got his fix and got bored.

I’ve rambled on again but that’s about it for the beach bit. We stayed a little longer, explored the town a little, ate fish and chips (on the beach of course), and headed off a little later.

[raccoon-eyed-rebel]

📚 Walter

Astraphobia

Masterlist

A/N: Hi anon! Thanks for the ask! I hope it's okay that it's Walter comforting someone else by telling a bedtime story! A major shoutout to @geralts-yenn for checking this for at least somewhat accurate six-year-old-ness.

(This was written from a promt from this ask game!)

Characters: Walter Marshall, littlebrother!Mikey, OFC

Summary: Walter doesn't have quite the night he had planned on when a thunderstorm scares both his girlfriend and his little brother...

Word count: 1.2k

Warnings: Fluff. Mention of 'underage'(?) sex (They're both sixteen.) A mom saying a totally un-hilarious, major cringy thing.

@deandoesthingstome @geralts-yenn @ellethespaceunicorn @mayloma @keanureevesisbae @summersong69 @ylva-syverson @peaches1958 @sillyrabbit81 @livisss @peyton-warren

“Shit,” I groan as I sit up. Outside, the rain is picking up, and I can hear the beginning rumble of thunder in the distance. I look next to me, where I had just managed to get Christina mostly naked. “Get dressed.”

“Why?” she asks. “What’s going on?” It takes absolutely everything I’ve got to ignore what the finger she’s dragging down my back is doing to me.

“Mikey,” I answer bluntly. “There’s a storm coming. He gets scared.” The words are barely out of my mouth before I hear him scream in the other room. Chris and I both scramble to get our clothes back on, finishing in the nick of time, just as there’s a soft knock on the door. I chuckle when I hear it. Since when does this kid know how to knock?

“Hey, little buddy,” I say after opening the door and picking Mike up off the floor. He’s on the verge of crying. Kid really doesn’t like thunder. One look at that trembling bottom lip tells me he’s about to break, so I walk him over to my bed and put him under the covers between me and Chris. It’s cozy, for sure, because this queen-sized bed really isn’t made for three people, even if the third is a tiny one like Mikey. “It’s okay, no need to be scared.”

Never in the history of trying to calm someone down, has the phrase ‘there’s no need to be scared’ actually been helpful, but it’s the only thing I can think of. I look at Chris and pray she’s better at this than I am.

“Come here, cutie,” she says, pulling him closer. It doesn’t seem to calm him down much just yet, but he does snuggle into her arms, which is a good start.

“Bear,” he sobs softly, and I almost fly out of bed. ‘Bear’ is Mikey’s black and white stuffed dog, and he absolutely can’t sleep without it. That does make it fairly easy to retrieve, because it’s going to be on his bed – probably. Yep! Armed with Bear, and Mike’s favorite blanket, I make my way back to my room, careful not to trip over anything in Mike’s room, or the hallway, in the complete dark. It’s definitely a challenge, but he’ll never fall asleep if I turn on a light now.

“Bear is right here, Mikey,” I whisper. The first flash of lightning brightens the room just as he reaches out to grab the plushie. Chris impatiently grabs my hand and pulls me back into bed. “You don’t like the storm, either, do you?”

“No,” she admits, “I hate it.”

“You’re scared, too?” Mikey asks. Just because the tears aren’t flowing now, doesn’t mean they won’t come back, so I don’t pat myself on the back just yet.

“I am,” Chris says softly. I can’t see her face, but it sounds like she’s embarrassed about it.

“I was, too, when I was small,” I tell Mikey.

He gasps. “But… you’re not afraid of anything! You’re not even scared of girls!” I never thought I would find the start of the ‘girls are gross’ phase so funny, but I do.

“Trust me,” I tell him, “I’m plenty scared of girls.” Behind him, Chris snickers – and almost chokes while she’s at it… I really don’t need a second crisis on my hands here. Luckily, Mike is too young to understand the innuendo – at least I really, really hope he is.

Every time thunder or lightning strikes, Mike squeals like a hurt puppy, and Chris squeezes him tighter. The tears don’t come back, though, and I’m really happy he seems to have calmed down at least a little bit. I hate seeing Mikey scared. For a moment, I think we might actually be ready to go to sleep, but then Chris asks a still trembling Mikey if he wants to hear a story. Of course he does! Now, one might have assumed that because Chris was the one to offer, she actually has a story to tell him. She doesn’t. So that falls on me, I guess. Fine.

I toss another pillow behind my bed, so I can sit up a little, pull Mikey on top of me and Chris into my side. The whole thing feels so ridiculously domestic that it should probably scare me at this age – and if I’m being perfectly honest, it kinda does. Plenty scared of girls, remember?

Selecting one isn’t easy to begin with – it can’t be a story they made a Disney movie out of, because Mikey knows those by heart and will interrupt me to point out every mistake he thinks I make. I also have to keep in mind that the kid is already scared, so half of the Grimm-repertoire is out. The first three options I call out, apparently mom has already told him in the past week or something. We finally settle on Rumpelstiltskin – a story I hate for no reason other than that I have told it to him six million times. Now, instead of Mikey pointing out all the errors in my fantastic – if I do say so myself – interpretation, it’s Chris.

“Excuse me, do you want to tell this story, miss ‘I don’t know, you tell him something’?” I’m a little snippy, I know, but it’s the third time she’s interrupted me before I even managed to finish my second sentence.

“No,” she says quickly, ending her answer on a shriek and nestling into my side when lightning flashes again. I continue, and after a while, I can tell Mike is about to fall asleep. He never makes it to the end of bedtime stories. The one thing this kid knows how to do is sleep like a log. It takes a while to get him to settle down enough to actually go to sleep, but once he’s asleep… Soon, I find myself finishing the story for Chris. I’m not sure if she knows that, but I can’t bring myself to stop; she seems to like that I keep talking.

“Thanks, Walter,” she says softly when the story is up, “for not making fun of me.”

“Why would I make fun of you?” I ask. What is she thinking?

“I was every bit as scared as Mikey,” she confesses. It sounds silly, but she’s talking like she committed a crime or something.

“Good thing I was here, then,” I say as I give her a kiss on her forehead before carefully putting Mikey in between us.

“So, did you guys have fun last night?” mom asks without looking up from the food she’s making.

“Yeah,” I groan. Between almost getting pushed out of my bed by Mike and getting kicked in the shins every time Chris was bothered by the storm, I didn’t sleep a wink…

“Quite a storm, huh? Was Mikey okay?” Mom continues. I almost drop the stack of books I’m holding. She knew.

“You… Damn!” I yell. “Did I…” I can’t even finish my sentence, because I’m floating somewhere halfway between angry and impressed, and I don’t know how I want to finish that sentence.

“Did you what? Get cockblocked by your mom? I guess. I’m sorry.” I wince – as any sane person would – when my mom says ‘cockblocked’.

“Trust me, Walt, I hated saying it as much as you hated hearing it,” she laughs, “but the look on your face right now makes it more than worth it…”

[elizabethplaid]

morning notes - oct 2, 2024

As long as I have my door closed to keep out the cat, I think I can get 5-6 hours of sleep now. It's somewhat tough to gauge exactly how much I get, because I purposely moved my alarm clock from the bedside.

I have a funny story about stimming, but idk if I should share it. My counselor laughed, as did the other people I told. Anyway, the incident made me remember how to perceive my body again. It's like what I felt earlier this year, kinda like when your legs hurt from being folded up for too long and you really need to stretch them. Kinda squirmy but not in a scared or disgusted way.

I still feel it under this wet blanket of drowsiness, from having woken up 2 hours ago. And I figured out how to not feel overheated as I try to sleep. The trick is starting without blankets. As I settle down and cool off, then add the layers slowly or only partially.

It's still really hard to put words to describing bodily sensations. I had a moment where something clicked, "right! this is what I need to do," but I don't understand the why or how behind it.

Sometimes it's like I'm either hyper-aware or subtly numb, and I need to find and maintain a balance. At the very least, the balance is to stave off the squirming hyper-aware stage of rediscovery in the future.

It reminds me of that "touch starved" post i reblogged the other day, how it still hurts even when you start eating again. Guess that's another way to phrase that "waking limb" metaphor, too

[dyradoodles]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤

ONLY FIVE oh no LMAO To be honest I really love rereading my own stuff (it’s tailored to all my hyper-specific interests, after all! 🤣), so just picking 5 is hard, but I’ll try.

Redux Hero (FF7, Zack & Sephiroth, M) for sure! It’s a rewrite of the first fic I ever published online, and this time I finished it lmao FF7 has been such a big part of my life, so getting to be super indulgent with my headcanons in a big adventure story with my all-time favorite characters was such a joy to write. Plus I ended up with absolutely wonderful people hyping me up while I was working on it! And it helped me with processing some of my own personal shit. I could write a whole other book about how happy writing this one made me lol

Poster Boy (FF7, Zack/Seph or Zack & Seph, G) - This was my first Seph & Zack fic where I really felt like they matched my headcanon versions of them, to the point that if I’m having a bit of trouble with new fics, I like to reread this one to kinda get back into the right mindset. Like a voice actor having a key phrase to get into character, I guess lol Plus it’s just short and cute, so it’s a nice, quick, pick me up if I’m having a rough time writing.

What Lies Beyond the Lily of the Valley (FF7, Zack & Seph, T) - this one is close to my heart, since it acts as somewhat of an homage to the old FF7 fics I used to read as a kid Namely, “Lily Valley” by LuckyLadybug. That fic (and a lot of her other fics tbh!) really inspired a huge, huge love of Sephiroth and Zack just going on missions together. No big catastrophic, world-ending threat; just the job. Being friends. Uncovering horrible secrets and organizations that aren't Shinra. Or, as is the case with my fic, the two of them uncovering a whole undiscovered realm that, by the end of, they want absolutely nothing to do with LOL I had so much fun with the fae shenanigans. 

FFS, I Believe in You (Breath of the Wild, Sidlink, T) - MY FIRST FINISHED FANFIC LOL and also just the goofiest thing from start to finish (minus the Angst, there is definitely also Angst). I feel like this one really helped me learn how to make notes and actually construct a whole multichapter. It also forced me to learn how to write in iambic pentameter, which. Is that useful? Idk. Is it funny to me personally? Extremely so, yes. I didn’t really participate much in fandom before this fic, so it also ended up being an amazing opportunity to meet some incredible people, and coaxed me out of my lurker shell a bit lol (Also I don’t think I’ll ever beat this one in kudos, with any other story, which is just gonna make me laugh forever because SHAKESPEAREAN LIZALFOS??? THAT’S the most popular one I’ve written?? Understandable, I wouldn’t have it any other way LMAO)

Out of My Head (Venom (Marvel Comics), SymbiOT3, M) - I really let loose with this one and ended up using a lot of writing techniques that I still use in my writing today. Most especially, not feeling guilty about shorter chapters lol It’s at the top of my list for revisiting if I can ever get my brain to fixate on Venom again, because dammit I had two other arcs planned aaaaaaaaAAAAA— hopefully someday. RH did get a rewrite after uh, 9 years, after all;;;;;;;

This was fun, thank you Holly!! 

(also meant to add: my favorite thing about All the fics I've written to date is all the awesome friends I've made through them 💖 it's so cool to me how writing silly stories about my blorbos has helped me meet some of my favorite people ever)

[just-some-castaways]

The Girl in My Head

Author: Nate

- So there's this girl, who lives in my head. I didn't ask for her, and she's not perfect or seductive or anything along those lines. Truth be told, she's far more akin to a close friend than some weird craving for female companionship.

It's funny, the way I chose to phrase that first line: "There's this girl, who lives in my head." Because I think that suggests that she's imaginary, and exists only in a perfect little dreamland.

That's simply not the case. Yes, I have worlds in my head. No, they're not perfect, more often than not they're far from it. Yes, my mind is what most people would call "hopelessly broken." I get that, I understand that to most people, the line between imaginary and reality is easily definable, and straightforward to navigate. Well, for me it's not.

So for the sake of stepping into someone else's shoes for a moment or two, just amuse me and imagine this girl is a part of the physical world, as tangible as you or I. (Said the boy from behind a screen)

This girl is sweet, and funny, and likes vanilla Chai-lattes with skim milk and a shot of espresso. She has a passion for digital art and loves to draw people, especially people she's met. Some of her favorite pass times are cross-country running, hiking, traveling, making and admiring art, and reading auto-biographies.

She's grew up in Italy before moving to Canada with her parents when she was 10. A couple times a year, she flies back to her home town to visit her extended family and friends. I think she gets homesick a lot, but she's never openly said so as far as I'm aware.

I don't remember how we met, or when, but we get along really well. She's one of those people who just makes you feel comfortable and safe, purely by being around her. Her sense of humor is a somewhat lacking, (she greatly dislikes puns which is a shame, cause I think they're pretty punny).

At one point, I had a crush on her that lasted several months. But we're not particularly complimentary of each other's traits so it died out a while ago. Now we're just close friends, content to look elsewhere for that "special someone." We've spent a lot of time just hiking in the woods, appreciating nature in silent awe, and occasionally passing back and forth obscure fun facts or talking about life.

Now that you know a bit more about her, and I've told you about various experiences we've shared, I'd like to point out that she's "completely imaginary," at least by most people's standards.

Let me tell you one more thing about this girl. She's a part of me. She embodies different aspects of myself, and my past. She's a fragment of me I couldn't hold in place, and as a result she grew into her own person. So yes, she is technically imaginary, but she's also real. I'm real, so why should you have a right to say that part of me that broke off isn't? That she can't exist simply because you can't see or talk to her, and she doesn't have a physical form.

When your friends aren't around by someone asks you what option they're prefer, or what their response might be to a certain opinion, you instinctively know at least close to what they might say right? Well who's to say your friends aren't just imaginary, because I can't see them right now can I? And yet you know things about them that you don't even have to think about to call to mind.

The girl in my head is real, because I'm real. Please don't invalidate those with such deep trauma that they break into fragments and can't be put back together. Try to respect each part of them as valid and worthy of respect. Show them the same kindness you'd show to anyone else who still has their mind in one piece.

-

Hello, my name is Nathanael, and I am part of the Castaways system. Thank you for reading my rambles, and please remember that just because you don't understand something, doesn't make it not true. Especially when it comes to walking in someone else's shoes.

[cloudninetonine]

was doing a checkover your blog since I'm back to being minimally stable after my migraine hit me like a truck and sent me flying right back to my bed to sleep like a fucking hibernating snake, but oh dear! it's already been three whole days since i last posted any ask in here? i thought it was a day and a half at most.

anyways, first of all, i hope you've been well, since I've noticed you kinda of disappeared these last few days, and if you are resting, please don't let me interrupt you akbdkdjd. sometimes all we need is a little time away from everything. either way, i hope you're doing well, lovely.

and as for why I'm here, I'm facing (what i call) a serious predicament. been writing the first work for my blog and all, yet things have been slow because of this god forsaken migraine attacking me everyday, and I'm now finished with five of the boys, and my fingers are itching to just split all of it in half and post whatever i have ready right now, and do the rest later, possibly on the weekend. HOWEVER, with how inconsistent I've been working with it, i had to reread it to make sure it was at last acceptable, only to find that warrior's part, the one i wrote just before i went to sleep, was an utter mess, some words so wrong i couldn't even begin to decipher what I meant at the time and some phrases so nonsensical i just had to rewrite as a whole. tbh his part was the only one who suffered, but man it made me laugh akjosjdkdn. the other one were somewhat clean, except that i might or might not have gone overboard with like... twi part... i'm not a simp, okay?

well, i thought it was a fun little bit of my past few days as a trying writer and i thought maybe someone else would find it funny or useful to remember to at least revise whatever they write when they're feeling unwell. and also a show of my appreciation for all you go through to post your own works, because ffs, i wouldn't last a month if i posted updates as regularly as you.

— a now plentifully rested fungi 🍄

I'M GLAD YOU GOT YOUR FULL REST FUNGI!!!!

Also thank you for asking! My mental health is taking another tumble because it';s a little bitch and I've been at work so I've been wiped out! But I'm trying to power through it!

AND I WOULD REALLY LOVE TO READ WHAT YOU POST PLEASE TAG ME ONCE YOU;RE FINISHED!! I've been there, waking up the next day to see the mess on the screen POUGFGI but it happens and I hope you were able to improve it to how you like!!!

[scuffle-with-spirals]

I remember when I borrowed Battle Royale from the library. It was one of the original translations I believe (with Shuya and Noriko on the front) and like, amidst all the absolute tomfuckery happening all around in that book, one thing young me found unironically funny was just. The way the book would bring Kazuo into a scene.

Spoilers for Battle Royale aiosdfmmiodfmiosdfmiosdfio

Big infodump under cut!!

OKAY SO

Sparing most of the details about the Program and all that, each of the 42 students who get released onto the abandoned island to fight to the death are each assigned a random weapon in their backpack, alongside some other necessities. It’s an insane coin toss on what you get here. You could get a little lucky and get something long-ranged — a gun, an automatic crossbow, etc... Maybe something on the blunter side like a bat or hammer. Or, you could be unlucky like one of the boys did and get something like a fork. It’s incredibly hit or miss.

So, for those not playing “the game” and have a good weapon, they’re at least somewhat reassured that if push comes to shove, as much as some really don’t want to, they’ll have something to defend themselves with.

But the thing is: for those who are playing, who are “with the Program”, so to speak, if the odds are in their favor, the others are uh. Kinda FUCKED

SO.

There are many, many aggressors in the novel who want to play the game. There are two big, famous ones as well, that many people who‘ve either read the book or watched the movie know: Mitsuko Souma, and Kazuo Kiriyama.

So my memory is fuzzy on the events of the book. I’m trying to finally give it a second read with the Remastered version; it’s been a few years and I’m still on it LMAO, and I’m sorry to say I’ve unfortunately not watched the movie yet. Currently, I’m only now finally finishing the manga, so it seems that, based on my fresh knowledge from that specific adaptation (which changes some things from the original novel), Mitsuko, while her assigned weapon is a sickle, does change her formula by snatching others weapons. There are many panels of her capping someone’s skull in and it’s infuriating to read for like, all of it, lmao.

But Kazuo? Nonono. No. He doesn’t get any farming tools as his weapon. Y’all, this dude is playing. And he was assigned a FUCKING MACHINE GUN

AND LISTEN

KAZUO DOESN’T FUCKING WAIT. IT IS ON SIGHT WITH HIM

sOooOoOo many characters die because Kazuo just happens to walk in through stage left and start blastin’. He’s a fascinating character to me because, while you have some people trying to convince others they’re not playing or to put their weapons down, while others go “ayo that’s stupid as shit kill or be killed dumb dumb” or Mitsuko pulling her expert gaslight gatekeep girlboss tricks, Kazuo’s just silent, blunt, and lethal. And once anyone who doesn’t get their ass obliterated before they can notice realizes this, they’re visibly terrified whenever he shows up again, letting anyone else nearby know that this dude’s out for blood even if that other person was also playing the game themselves.

So uh! About the novel!

In some, but not all cases probably, for some reason, the translator decides to announce Kazuo’s sudden entrance into a confrontation with the phrase:

“It was Kazuo Kiriyama.”

And like, at first, this made my heart stop. Especially when a character I liked was in the scene, I was like, “Ah shit, here we go, oh fuck.”

But then it just kept happening

This is literally just an example and probably matches nothing of what happens in any adaptation but just to show you how it looked, here’s a mockup of how this shit would play out:

Hiroki’s eyes darted to the nearby treetops, tensed by the rustling trees. In the glint of the moon, he assumed the worst, and tried to pinpoint any figures stationed in the branches. His eyes squinted. Please, let it be anything else. The wind, or perhaps fleeting birds, unfamiliar with the cruelty of bloodshed.

But it was Kazuo Kiriyama, and with a fucking ka-klinK he made sure his airpods were blastin that doom music as he ratatatatatata-

THIS SAME EXACT WORDING GOT USED SO MANY TIMES TO THE POINT WHERE I JUST GAVE A SLIGHT CHUCKLE WHEN I SAW IT LIKE

MAYBE IT’S JUST MY HUMOR

MAYBE I’M REMEMBERING IT WRONG?!?!?? HLEL

In the remastered versions there’s NOT ANY “it was kazuo kiriyama” moments yet, which on one end, is kinda upsetting because this is probably the easiest way to access the novel and I just want to know this wasn’t another terrible case of my memory so I can show it to people and laugh or something, but also, I mean, I get why they chose to change it up lmao. It’s. yeah.

I tried to make this an inside joke with some friends a few years ago but nobody else had read Battle Royale so i kinda gave up instantly lmao. But one friend DID suddenly hit me with a fast one referencing it one time and I just immediately lost it on SPOT she was so cool for that lmsfiofmsdfiomiosdffmiod you know who you are

PLEASE if anyone also remembers or even possibly owns the version of the novel I’m referring to, can you please let me know if this was actually a thing that happened? Like, a lot, or even at all? :0c I’m really curious, ;v;

Thank you so so much for reading this long ass post SDFIOMFSDFMIO!! And if anyone else wants me to talk about BR for any reason — whether it be because they just want to here my thoughts on things, on certain adaptations, or would just want to hear my retelling of events without actually reading the source material (SO VALID), PLEASEE LET me know. I’ll probably do this anyway but I mean!! Finding like-minded people who’re interested in anything is neat!!

[ihatetaxes99]

Returning to my thoughts on the Twisted Metal series, I feel another way in which 3 in particular derailed the franchise would be in regards to their portrayal of Calypso. Because I feel that every game since aside from Black has taken the wrong lessons about his character.

For a brief bit of backstory for those who aren't in the loop of the series, William "Calypso" Sparks was a former demolition driver who died in a car accident around the mid 1980s. After impressing Satan, he managed to come back to life with the ability to grant "wishes" to whoever he wants, with no limit on cost, size or even reality, and as such, he initiated the Twisted Metal tournament, where combatants battle it out for the chance of one wish from Calypso. All of this backstory comes specifically from Twisted Metal 2, but aside from 4, every game that released after 2 either runs with this backstory or at the very least doesn't contradict it, so I'm going to take this as canon.

Now, what's the problem with 3 and a fair few games after it? Well, I feel that they ignore one vital thing. Calypso is not an asshole.

Well, okay, he is. He's a massive dick, actually. He will take any opportunity within the rules to screw over the winners. However, the key point is "within the rules." There are ways his power works that even he cannot control. He can perceive someone's wish however he wants, but he cannot give them something completely wrong from what they asked. For example, Hammerhead's ending in 2, one of my favourite joke endings in the series. The two stoner kids driving Hammerhead demand that Calypso gives them the ability to fly. He does so and they immediately leap off the building they're on, plummeting straight to their deaths. And from the rooftop, Calypso watches on, remarking that at least the plane tickets he bought for them are refundable.

That's a good indication of how Calypso works. He will try to screw you over, but if there's no way for him to do so within the rules then he won't just cheat. As demonstrated in Axel's ending in 2, as well as a surprising amount of Black's endings, he is fully capable of giving the winner exactly what they want, no strings attached. You've just got to be careful in how you phrase your wish.

3 sort of completely trashes that. Calypso just becomes a complete douchebag who doesn't follow his own rules whatsoever. Most of 3's endings are joke endings, and I would argue the only one that even somewhat works is in Minion's ending, where he wishes to return to Hell, so Calypso teleports him to Hell. Hell, Michigan, that is. I genuinely find that ending pretty funny and it lines up with the previous way in which he operates.

The other endings, however?

...

Hammerhead's driver wishes to be able to watch television in peace, so Calypso straps her to a Clockwork Orange chair and forces her to watch TV for the rest of her life.

Axel wants to become one with his machinery again (which contradicts his entire storyline in 2, by the way), so Calypso turns him into a clock.

Flower Power wants for plants and humans to coexist, so Calypso has her eaten by a flytrap.

Are you starting to see the problem, here? 3 was the start of Calypso violating his own rules in order to screw people over, which was never a part of his character. Calypso is a vicious, evil, sadistic monster, but he has guidelines and he used to follow them closely. In the pursuit of making a bunch of wacky joke endings, the developers of 3 forgot about this important part of him.

To finish off, I'd like to return to TM2 to give an example of how much character development Calypso can have, and how all later games (aside from maybe Head On) ignored that.

Grasshopper's ending. Those of you who have played it know where I'm going with this.

To make a long story short, Grasshopper is driven by Krista Sparks, the daughter of Calypso who supposedly died in the same car accident that killed him the first time. However, the Krista driving Grasshopper in 2 is not Krista. She's a cyborg built by the LAPD with Krista's memories implanted (yeah, I never said 2 didn't get bloody ridiculous at points as well), her goal being to get close to Calypso, kill him and end Twisted Metal for good. In her ending, as she emerges from the vehicle, Calypso demonstrates legitimate shock at seeing her, before he realises she's a cyborg. Tearfully, she informs him that there's a bomb inside her and that she was sent to kill him. She pleads for him to hold her, claimimg "I know I'm just a machine, but I'm scared it will hurt."

And what does Calypso do? This insane, maniacal ringmaster who has the power to do whatever he wants? Does he run? Does he teleport himself or Krista away quickly before it goes off?

No. Calypso moves closer to his daughter and hugs her, as the bomb goes off, killing them both.

Now, Twisted Metal canon is a bastard to unravel, but what is certain is that Grasshopper's ending is definitely not canon, since Calypso is still alive in Head On, which is 2's direct sequel. But it demonstrates a lot about his character. He's evil, but he has a heart. The Calypso of Twisted Metal 2 was a man of his word, a man who would die to comfort his child. There's some speculation that Krista's pleas for her father to hold her could be considerer as her wish, and as such, it all comes back to how he would follow the rules, no matter what.

In all fairness, some of Head On's endings would actually elaborate on this. Most notably Needles Kane's ending in that game, where Calypso clearly does not want to grant that wish, but has to do it anyway. But for the most part, 3 kind of butchered that part of his character and since then, most interpretations have just characterised Calypso as a massive asshole and little else.

[fizzywashere87]

*read your response with a wry grin, and shakes my head with a slow chuckle*

Now I reckon it might be the fact that I’m somewhat of an old fart, but this was a trip to read little lady *affectionately* I fear I may be more outta the loop that I expected, but I appreciate the sentiments nonetheless.

*lowers hat over eyes with a small smirk*

I’m glad you like the hat, I kinda like it too. Helps with the whole anonymous factor and what not, so while I accept your invitation to be your friend, I will do so from a distance. I do enjoy a good mystery myself every once in a while.

As for the main character moment, well Hon who are you not to be your own MC? This is your story ain’t it? You adventure in the making, so don’t be afraid to write it. *shrugs casually and folds arms nonchalantly*

I’m nobody but a simple anon who lives by the phrase, “If you see something, say something.” I think it’s a down right shame that we often left fear get in the way of giving folks the love and validation so many of us often see. And I try to follow the wise words of Ghandi, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” So here I am, doing what I can.

The world can hate for no reason, so why can’t I love for no reason? You don’t need to be something or someone special to be loved and appreciated, hon. You matter and are important simply by the mere fact you exist. Don’t forget that 🧡

*tips hat at you again before sauntering back out*

wry is a funny word 😚

i'm glad my wack ass grammar and way of responding to the last one gave you a stroke!! 🥰 /pos

love that for you preppy lil baddie 🎀

are you implying that you're crazy? because like kinda same or is it my language that makes you question your existence? 🤯

hehe ur like uber mysterious its so preppy!! either way new moot- your name is 🧡 because that's the only thing you gave me- plus i like orange so yippee 🥳

OMGIE?! WHY IS THAT LIKE- it's my story guys we can have the ex lover everyone hates the best friends and the dog

look et the lil guy he's a little baller ⛹️- give him respect he's better than uhm everyone he mogs everyone 👍

that's a good phrase but you're not just an anon i don't need to know which fucker on here you are to know you're so much more, genuinely though i rlly don't know how there was much to see here but im so happy there's people like you who can look into small things like this blog and make something out from it 🫶

ion know wtf "left gear" means but it threw me off when you said down right and then proceeded to say left- (rlly had to point that out 😔🤚)

bestie i bet you looked up who said that quote to be mysterious and like wise old person type shit i caught you!! 😁🫵

why are you being so nice tho? i'm rude asf some times- and how do you somehow like tell me every thing i probably should hear?

you're important too babes without people like you everyone would be defected fetuses 🤚

that was outta pocket i'm sorry.

how tf did you come in clutch when i was like failing at life tho- uhm thank you 🫶

can i have a cool hat too?- im kinda jealous of you /not actually bc you own and rock the hat

also keep coming into my inbox you said we're friends so we're friends now 🥰

they don't have to be super cute and sweet and wholesome messages that i go about slightly like nonchalant but they make me smile every time i get them (2 but i think abt it a lot)

love you tons new anon moot

also i heavily appreciate the validation from someone probably older than me- you seem like you're at least old enough to vote so ill take it either way🫶🥰🫶🥰🫶🥰🫶

i genuinely hope to see you in my inbox often, you can sign with 🧡 unless you want a diff emoji i'll probably know it's you

HAHA I DIDNT CRY THIS TIME 😛🖕

[skylarmoon71]

Timeless Wells (Flash) Soldier- Chapter 28 - Final

“Do you need a hand?”

You shake your head at Iris’s words, bringing in the salad. Barry smiles from his seat at the dinner table. It’s not unusual for you all to have meals like this.

However, today isn’t just a casual meal. The second you place the dish down, you try to find a way to tell them about your secret. You trust Iris and Barry with your life. You never want to hide anything from them. Although it’s not your place to tell them about Harrison, you can however provide them with the truth about your abilities.

“Is everything okay?” Iris notices the conflict.

“Is it that bastard again? I’ll shoot him this time.” She looks ready for a fight and you laugh. Iris would gladly take a bullet for you any day.

What more can you ask for in a friend?

“It’s not that. This is more of a personal situation. I can’t really phrase this any other way, so I’ll just come out with it. I have powers. I got them from some kind of celestial being or something. That night when I was shot, I died.”

Iris and Barry look a bit scared.

“What do you mean you died, what powers?”

You exhale. Lifting your hand, the ring glows. The suit materializes immediately and Barry jumps out of his seat. Iris simply stares. A mask forms around your eyes, and when they reopen, the unnatural emerald glow is just as striking as the suit.

“I died, Spectre brought me back. He saved me. He helped me save the both of you. I know this is a lot to handle, but I never want to lie to you. Iris, you've been my friend since forever. Please understand that I would never do anything to hurt you and lose this friendship."

She’s speechless, for good reason. Barry is still somewhat gaping and you finally retract the suit.

You keep your eyes close, because a part of you is terrified that when you look up, you’ll see fear. You’re scared that she’ll decide this is all too much.

“I understand if this is-” She hugs you and you stumble, regaining your footing.

“I-Iris..”

She smiles, holding on tighter.

“Thank you for trusting me with your secret.”

You pull away to get a good look at her face. She’s smiling brightly.

“This doesn’t freak you out?”

“It’s freaking me out!” Barry calls.

Iris laughs, shaking her head.

“I mean, it’s gonna take a while for me to grasp that you wear spandex now, but I think that’s a part of our friendship that I can overlook.”

“It does look like spandex right?”

“It definitely does!”

You both burst out in laughter and Barry is still clutching onto the chair.

“Why am I the only one freaked out!!”

Barry is having a normal reaction considering the circumstances.

You turn to him with a small smile.

“I’m sorry. I just really needed to be honest.”

He still looks relatively scared, but he adjusts his glasses, taking some breaths.

“I-I guess I can’t be mad about that. I’m happy that you feel safe enough to trust me. You also pretty much saved us back then. It’s not like you’re some alien trying to conquer the world either. R-Right?”

You smirk.

“THAT’S NOT FUNNY!!”

Clearly Barry needs some time, you don’t mind.

~

“It sounds like they took it well. At least Iris did.”

You nod.

“Barry will come around. He’s too afraid that I’ll take his kidneys not to.”

Harrison smiles as he listens to you. He appreciates how much has changed. It used to be almost impossible to get a smile out of you. Now you look so much lighter. Free. While your serious nature is still a big part of your personality, there is an ease about you when it’s just him. You’re very good at maintaining a professional stance when need be. But around him, you lower your guards, and he is thankful.

“You okay?”

He blinks, looking at you.

“I was asking about your day and you went into a daze.”

Harrison smiles.

“Just grateful. The both of us make quite the team.”

“I think we can both agree that I’m the more responsible partner. You’re way too easy going. Have you gotten a bodyguard yet?”

He also enjoys how cute you get when you’re worried about him.

“It’s hard replacing such a good worker.”

“Harrison, you need to be careful. Your name carries weight and status. I want you to be safe.”

“I know. I’ve already appointed a head of security. He’s actually the father of our very own Barry Allen. I had no idea he was in the business.”

Your eyes light up.

“You hired Henry Allen, that’s great. I feel much better now.”

“Is he that great of a guard?”

“He’s amazing. I feel a bit foolish that I didn’t recommend him. When Iris and Barry started seeing each other she mentioned it a few times but it slipped my mind. He mainly works internationally.”

“Well, then I’m honored he made such an exception.”

You feel strangely happy that so many of your friends are linked through work.

“Perhaps when we get married we may have to host it at a security firm.”

The statement makes you pause and you sort of gape. You didn’t imagine it, he certainly said married. Your silence alerts him that maybe he should have kept that to himself.

“I’m sorry that was an insensitive joke.”

He knows how long it’s taken for you to trust, open up. The last thing he should be doing is scaring you away with such a commitment.

“You..want to marry me..”

Maybe it was just a slip of the tongue, he did say it was a joke. You shouldn’t take it seriously. People say those things all the time.

He knows he should deny it, because you might just decide that it’s too much. But he can’t take it back. Saying anything but the truth would kill him inside.

“I do. Someday I do hope that we can, but I understand that you might not be ready or even want it.”

“I do want to get married.”

Your response surprises him. You smile, looking down at your lap. He was shocked because you're blushing.

“I’d like to think that a few years from now, we’ll still be together like this. If that’s true, then please, ask me again.”

There’s not much that has caught him off guard since he returned, yet he can say without a doubt that everything you do, say, it’s always so unexpectedly wonderful. Harrison takes your hand, kissing it and you giggle when he leans in and starts littering your cheeks with kisses.

“I will.”

It’s a promise that you happily look forward too. 

[euphoricdr3ams]

as trash as it is. its something very releasing to vent to the internet about my problems than to just write in journal where i basically just feels like I'm talking to myself...

I've been talking to myself so much in my head that i want basically need to share with the outside people. But thats a double edge sword because people are tired and exhausted and have their own shit going on. And if they do have the emotional capacity to deal with me. Its a slippery slope. Like how real can i really be with you. if i say this one thing will i make you upset about something you repressed too.

But I also can't be on a constant zoom call with my therapist either soooooo to the internet I come with all of my problems. :)

I think what im gonna do right now while under the influence is unpack at least one statement via written format that my friends have been screaming at me for months. that if it could just instantly process in my mind what would it be.

She said "I wish you understood that you deserve better than what you think. You are worthy. And i wish you appreciate yourself as much as i appreciate you"

I may have messed up that up but that was the gist of it. Sooooo that was really sweet and honestly lets just start here and maybe we'll come to a realization by the end of this post.

Its kinda telling my first reaction was how i feel like ive been slacking in the friend department and how i wanna just rush and be done with all of this so i can be the bright and bubbly person i knew myself to be.

"I wish you understood that you deserve better than what you think."

I kinda just at here and stared at this statement for about 3 mins. Well on first notice. When i try to repeat that to myself it sounds like nice and definitely some stuff i said to hundreds of people in my life. Permeant and passing guest in this story. But repeating that phrase back to myself just sounds phony.

Like what is so interesting about me that assumes i deserve better. Like at the end of the day, we're all humans so why should i live with this air of what i assume is arrogance that I am immune to the trails of this life and that I who has had such a leg up in this world. Deserve more than someone else who there's no competition has had it way worse. So to everyone else yes to me no. Honestly thats BS. I should give myself the same grace and space as i do everyone else but its like when i try to reach for the empathy string for myself its as if we've run out of thread.

Like if life was a game. Which it is. Then, how can someone who came in with at least plus 2 fuck up so bad. Like at this point. I would just be somewhat happy to finish. Cuz trying to make some sort of rebound or comeback from that sounds impossible so why even try to let that idea sink in your head. So at this point. Just finishing is a leg up. Cuz even that is alot. And its kinda like how dare you like waste the efforts of the people who helped you get to this point. Like its a long history. Your ancestors and the people in your life right now so how could you fuck up. Like you should have been really paying attention when people are sharing their stories. You would have saved yourself so much headache. soooooooooo why should i dream about better. I know im stuck in a toxic thinking trap with that last blurb but like this isn't no healed chronicles. We're basically starting from the beginning and maybe we'll reach some healed state by the end.

I guess since my thoughts are basically below the earth crust. It's hard to imagine better than where i'm at right now. I paused tbh. I let the same song loop twice before really type again. I think theres something below the earth crust and thats about how dark my thoughts are. XD

its not funny. but its also hilarious at the same time. Yea my perception of myself so down. I felt the most full as a person and as a human being when i had my ex. Like i felt like i was better and i could do better and that i was worthy. And its not like he was really all that. Honestly he was a piece of shit. If the two people i have on here actually made it down this far. They could write a 100 page paper on how trash he was and how he doesn't deserve anything good ever again. But that level of anger i cant find it there for him fullly. Most of that resent is back at me for not smacking the dog shit out of him and leaving. He even suggested i do it. and i couldn't. I really loved that man and the thought of doing that even after all that is so bad. I wouldn't forgive myself. I wanna be able to do that but its not there cuz i dont deserve it. ughhh. Like all i can really feel is sorrow that i couldn't be all that he needed and thinking i failed him.

Im really pathetic.

I'm kinda really happy that i'm so lit right now cuz i would be having a whole meltdown.

Like the thought is that, at least he wanted to stay for a while. Most ppl just take an immediately leave. They dont even ask so i should be grateful.

Honestly I think thats part of the reason Why i was so happy regardless of the situation. Also doesn't help I have this song on loop. It about the listener be happy to die right now because they already found their person so they've already peaked. Its like a love song out of desperation instead of confirmation that the other person feels the same.

if i would have died during that relationship i would have said i went out happy. This was how i felt before all the fuckery started. I was so happy with my love and just him that i could have been just happy. He never was. He wanted more as he sucked all of that in the moment happiness i had and turned it into just a depressing mess. Turned it into someone who has so much anxious energy its ridiculous.

Out of the 2323232323233232323232232323232 *many* people i have had sex with at least he wanted to be here :) for a bit until he basically just lied about everything and took off his facade. Then i was tossed out like the trash. its coool i find a way to recover. Even if i have to just :). My way out of this. It's worked a bit up to this point. Why would it not work now...... right? I'm fine. I have no choice but to be.

I was gonna finish this but I'mma need a minute. Maybe that was ambitious of me. I feel a bit panic-y and dizzy so imma just chill for now. Till next time i guess