#like i think itd b unwise to go into college without an official diagnosis

[gonnabewell]

my mom told me that my fidgeting with this arcade ball (which ive been doing about 2 weeks now, basically since i realized id benefit from something to fidget with and found it in my room) is “starting to annoy her” and that i look like a freak... even tho im in my own home and i dont fidget so wildly with it in public. and i got really upset and basically immediately started tearing up and told her it’s really helping me and she apologized and i know she didnt mean it but what she said is just echoing in my head and im like. i just feel so stupid thinking that no one thought i was weird for it. my cousin and his gf basically suggested i get a fidget cube which i interpreted as nice of them that they weren’t treating me as weird, but i should’ve taken it as a sign that im clearly not being as discreet as i thought i was. and my dad told me it’s weird and that im “unhealthily attached” to it, but i brushed that off as him being stupid and explained 2 him that im clearly not emotionally attached 2 it but that it is a good replacement behavior for like biting my cheeks/lips or scratching my skin or tapping my leg which doesn’t release nearly as much restlessness. but anyway now i have big rsd over this even tho my mom basically retracted her statement immediately but im just so :(( because of course i can’t carry bouncy balls around my whole life! no matter how much it helps bc its just gonna b seen as weird