#so even if im not at a 10 all the time externally

[shatteredfears-arch]

tumb/lrs so broken that some posts it wont let me use legacy and others it wont let me use beta so i have to hop between them for random shiz and then legacy keeps getting glitched out to double replies for some reason and then it doesnt actually tell you what editor the mobile app has. like is it legacy? is it beta? is it its own thing bc for a company w less than 200 employees they put too much work on their backs that they cant finish and i hope they stop breathe take a minute and reflect on how maybe changing things suddenly without testing them w audiences first and LISTENING to their reactions is a bad idea? will their most recent only good idea be the double checkmarks bc thats a good way to earn money to keep this website alive bc they cant anymore if theyre not funded purely bc they saw the opportunity to diss a fuckhead and took it doubled it and made it hilarious and stalkable? will the employees ever have rest considering they clearly dont have an actual CS department anymore? we just dont know

[respectthepetty]

The Loyal Pin - Episode 10

Last episode, my Wild Ass Theory that Anin and Pin will inherit their mother's colors as they come into adulthood resurfaced as Anin wore a yellow dress when she left the beach, and this episode, she wears a blue and yellow skirt as she asks her brother to teach her how to drive.

Anin's brother is wearing blue, so I had high hopes for him being supportive of Anin this episode, and the piggyback ride as well as the purple flowers helped me keep the faith.

But Kuea stays pissing me off, and Anin's younger brother seems oblivious to anything beyond his own little get-everyone-hitched agenda.

So, of course, Kuea runs immediately over to the main house DURING HIS WORK HOURS to snitch on Pin. I appreciate that everyone keeps questioning his worth ethic though.

But the mom is wearing pink and blue, so unlike Anin's older brother, I have no idea how she'll take this news. Pin is wearing a darker pink now though, so I think the adult responsibilities are coming sooner than the girls are realizing.

AND WE GET BACKSTORY! Part of my Wild Ass Theory was that Pin's mom was a lesbian. She has her more vibrant pink color, but at times she wears yellow/orange. I guessed the yellow/orange came from a previous lover.

So her opening a sunflower ring was all the evidence I needed.

I don't know if Im's color is peach or pink.

But I can't focus because Patt is on the floor looking like a snack, and I think she is in blue.

Then, we see Im and Patt's love story. Patt was Im's companion and Im is still wearing whatever color she is wearing, while Patt is fully in blue.

And they were in love with each other.

Patt knows what Pin's ring means because she was once Pin. Im gave Patt the yellow flower ring in the same way Anin gave the ring to Pin.

But there was no happily ever after for Patt and Im because Im died!

I thought the backstory would help clear up the colors and the confusion, but it didn't! Patt seemed colorless in the past like Aon is now. If Im's color was pink, then it makes sense Patt carried it with her all this time. And if Im's color was peach, it makes sense that Patt uses it every now and then, yet it doesn't explain why Patt shifted her color from blue to purple. It also doesn't make sense why she was so upset about Pin's ring. It's not like Im rejected her or left her for a someone else. Im died. They loved each other. That love was real and never doubted, so why is she upset at Pin's ring now?!

The girls and their colors are evolving, but they are changing together, so what is the mom so afraid of? If we had seen society or some external factors harming Patt and Im's relationship, maybe I could understand, but the backstory just makes me think she should be more supportive of the girls' love.

But here she is now fully in her color and throwing her support behind Kuea! I do not comprehend this.

I'm shocked that Anin's older brother seems to be the only one with any sense! I was worried when he showed up colorless, but he helped to cover for his sister.

And now he can get that ally badge for supporting the color-coded couple!

Anin and I both love him dearly!

But Patt is still bothering me! She is a lesbian! She shows up in yellow and orange because she still loves Im. So why not let the color-coded girls be IN LOVE?!

Pin's color is getting redder just like her mom's, and I'm worried that her mom is going to push even harder next episode for her to get married. We have six episodes left. Even though I don't fully know what the colors mean, the reds and yellows/oranges are showing up too often now for me to ignore.

Just like Anin sneaking up on Prik, these colors and adulthood are sneaking up on the girls while they are just trying to enjoy their lives.

By the end of the episode, the color-coded girls in love seem to have sorted their issues out because Pink Person Pin is looking lovely.

Which is probably due to her getting all of Anin's attention after not seeing her for a weeks.

And Blue Beauty Anin looks refreshed the day after.

So of course this chick with her can't-get-one-consistent-color self would ruin the color-coded happiness I wanted to feel secure in!

Patt's color confuses me, but Aon's color(s) frustrate me because I don't know if she is trying to be Pin which is why she wears Pin's color(s) or if she has no real identity and will shape herself into whatever she needs to be to please Anin because she never wears a consistent color.

And I know this frustratation is going to stick with me next episode because my babygirl is crying, and I'm already salty about it.

At least Pin and Anin will be solely in their colors next episode, so I have nothing to worry about with them and their relationship, right?

*Heng walks into the scene* FUCK!

[absolutebl]

Leaving GMMTV aside, what were youre favorite shows this year so far? I'll have more free time coming up and im way behind and out of the loop, so some recs would be appriacted, wise sage. Especially for those shows that didnt get the attention they deserved in your opinion! Thanks a lot!

Top 10 BLs of 2023 So Far

Our Dating Sim

(Korea) 10/10 Viki

If you haven't watched this, it's a must. I actually handed out a 10/10. I NEVER do that. It's a perfect short form KBL, an office set reunion romance featuring geeks that really suits 8 eps with no fluff and no chaff. Just comforting and yummy. I adored every aspect from the casting to the pristinely simple premise to the quietly smooth execution. Sure it’s low stakes, but that makes it high domesticity and extremely warm and gentle. This is a fuzzy blanket of a story - a cozy BL. It lives in my rewatch pile and you know what’s best about it? Every single episode is in that pile. There’s no skipping with this one, it might be good natured and calmly sweet but it’s tight and the pacing is excellent. Full review here.

My School President

(Thai) 9/10 YouTube

GMMTV gave us a classic high school set Thai BL with tropes like messy boys singing their feelings that made this one Love Sick for the modern age with all the gentle sweetness and pining ache, but none of the dated damaging tropes or issues. Yes, we’ve seen it all before, but I still ADORED this. And there is a lot to be said for the classics being re-executed perfectly. Who let my BL be this wholesome and funny? This show was fantastic, it’s only flaw was the singing (and that’s my baggage). My favourite GMMTV BL offering to date. And yes, I've watched them ALL.

(you said no GMMTV but I have to include it)

The Eighth Sense

(Korea) 9/10 Viki

One of the longest BLs Korea has given us and (like Blueming) it feels more atmospheric gay coming of age romance than strictly BL. It’s got a bit of an age gap, country boy/city boy, stellar acting, complex characters, and leads with great chemistry and tension. It’s a bit chewy and sticky and less perfect than most KBLs (do I detect a touch of Taiwan?) This one deployed BL tropes (messy eater, shoulder sleep, protective seme, there’s even some hyung-slinging) but front loaded them with painful backstory and tons angst drives the 2nd half. This isn’t in the KBL bubble, there’s sharp edges and lots of triggers. For a BL the darkness of the content left me feeling unsettled (which is the only reason it didn't get a perfect score) but it does have a glorious ending and that counts for a lot.

The New Employee

(Korea) 9/10 Viki

So good, SO QUEER, so soft, a near pitch perfect office BL with conflict derived from that setting. Also found family and a lesbian bestie. Sweet & innocent (and out) Seung Hyun scores the office internship of his dreams. On his first day at work he gets into it with his cool reserved (and also v gay) boss. As you do. Frankly? This is what I wanted from this new crop of office set KBLs ALL ALONG. Rainbow rice cakes forever! Directed by queer activist Kim Jho Gwang Soo (Just Friends?) partly set in the same neighbourhood as the To My Star house. Gotta love WATCHA (Semantic Error, Light on Me).

Unintentional Love Story

(Korea) 9/10 iQIYI

A boy who just lost his job due to faked corruption charges accidentally discovers his ex-boss's favorite artist, now a recluse. Evil manager offers him his job back if he can convince the artist to rejoin society. Instead, they fall in love. I found the artist a bit stiff and reserved but Gongchan (maknae of B1A4) is a fucking GIFT - he carried this show (which I do not expect from the idol element). He was luminous with extraordinarily expressive eyes, just drown in the emoting abyss. The external conflict, social tension and pressure is complex and beautifully executed, plus Korea gave us legit side dishes (NOT a love triangle, hally-fucking-luya). I’m not sure on rewatchability, and it didn’t whip me into a verbal frenzy the way some KBLs do, but it still gets a solid 9/10 for those damn eyes alone.

Destiny Seeker

(Thai) 8/10 grey

A darn near perfect pulp featuring 3 likeable tsundere/sunshine pairings with uncomplicated iterations of enemies to lovers. At least one half of each does a decent amount of pining and there’s good chemistry, classic tropes, and communication rep. It’s fun and full of linguistic jokes. Sublimely cheesy but a good rainy day offering with tons of rewatch potential. Full review here.

Make a Wish

(Thai) 8/10

PNR (from Sammon - Manner of Death & Triage) about a doctor who can see the dead and strikes a bargain with a wish-granting irreverent tree angel - naturally they fall in love. Stars Fluke Natouch opposite not-Ohm, but who cares bc Fluke has chemistry with everybody. Once again the Thai afterlife is incredibly bureaucratic but I enjoyed the premise and the unfolding of the story (it’s not predictable but v. satisfying and with nice little twist). I like that the doctor is just gay af, fag hag bestie and everything. The cast is excellent but the comedic stylings are too overblown and tonally off. It had sad parts and did make me cry but is ultimately happy with a great sex scene, good smiley kisses, and all the agency.

All the Liquors

(Korea) 8/10 Viki & Gaga

A pretty classic foodie set KBL that managed to distinguish itself from others in this category by having a particularly satisfying final episode centered around found family. Sunshine sweetie soju rep gets involved with a shy introvert chef who doesn’t drink. This has a somewhat uneven plot and ridiculous central conceit (much in the way of Tasty Florida or Behind Cut), but if you are looking for a restaurant BL with Korea’s signature softness, then this is a great option. FYI I may identify with our baby party boy hedonist more than any other BL lead ever presented.

Love Mate

(Korea) 8/10 Viki

Features a very much openly gay older uke with commitment issues and a romantic (if arrogant) younger seme with no respect for boundaries (hyung romance). Workplace harassment much? That’s BL for ya. (Also a nonBL Kdrama specialty.) So yeah it’s questionable, but so is my taste. The ultimate premise that someone badly hurt shuts themself off to romance is very similar to Happy Merry Ending or 8th Sense but this version was more about fear than abuse or trauma. For me, this made Love Mate more relatable. However, because the denouement was driven by a late addition faen fatal, the conclusion felt rushed and forced. I can, however, see myself rewatching this one, so it falls into the general rank of 2023′s KBL aka solid high standard and eminently watchable.

Bed Friend

(Thai YouTube, Gaga, iQIYI)

Office frienamies transition a flaming hot one night stand into a f-buddy relationship that is built on a puppy/cat dynamic (and kinks into it at one point). Our puppy is loyal, smitten, and protective with endlessly longing eyes, while our cat is snarky, prickly, and deeply damaged (ALL THE TRIGGERS). NetJames give lovely high-heat with excellent chemistry and tuned-in performances of surprising depth, unfortunately the story ultimately failed them. Had the show had the strength of its convictions and kept to a tighter, darker, harsher 8 eps it would have been the first high heat to earn a 10/10 from me, but once they fussed with it, it dropped to a solid 8/10. Could have been great but was overworked. Still if high heat is your thing, this one will not let you down. Full review here. (Triggers include: child abuse, attempted rape, family abuse)

(3x! 3x Tumblr ate this post. They HAVE to de bug their new editor. This never happens with the old one. Biggest bug is with the "undo" function, DO something about it!)

[rainbowstargazerlilies]

SHIPPING TOURNAMENT RUNOFF

These two were within four votes of each other. At this point in the tournament, it seemed smart to me to do a quick runoff to see who continues. If this ties again, or gets that close, they'll both continue to the next round, facing off against the HNOC trio. Round 4 will come out tomorrow.

Propaganda:

Tim/Bertie:

The entire “Tim Goes Mad” section of GTVTMK. Tim looses it because his best friend dies and goes on a murderous rampage. Also that one art that Reegis made of the younger version of the two of them. 

gay moon bitches fr

Gptvstmk

*blows up the moon for you*

#TimBertie are literally so stuckycoded ngl#ITS ABOUT THE DEVOTION ABOUT CHILDHOOD FRIENDS GONE TO WAR ITS ABOUT THE VIOLENCE OF TRAGIC LOSS#ITS ABOUT GRIEF AND THE WAY IT HURTS YOU SO YOU EXTERNALIZE THAT HURT TO THE ONES WHO TOOK YOUR LOVED ONE#HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT MOON KAISER IM PISSING ON THE MOON YOU IDIOT!!!#im normal about timbertie (tags via @watermelonselfship)

Prison Mechs And Lyf:

One, LOOK AT THEM!!! THEY FIT TOGETHER SO WELL AND GIRBIFJRJE AHHHHHH. Like, prison mechs is good, wonderful we love it, Violinspector is wonderful, idiots in love. Put the two TOGETEHR!! perfect ship, 20/10 it's canon to me. They love Lyf so much and Lyf loves them too but they are so annoyed at them all the time in that "gods damnit. I love you three but please for the love of the gods stop." Also the idea of Marius, Raph, n Ivy trying to woo Lyf while they are still an Inspector is so silly cause I can see it working everytime but they CANT DO SHIT ABOUT IT and girbgijrjr. And if you give me a moment to indulge in my own brand of insanity that is creature mechs, them calling Lyf "pretty bird" cause it flutters them every time. It used to work on Raph but doesn't anymore cause she's used to it and tiehfjrhjfjrj. I'm not normal about them lol

violinspecter: the stars claim them fanfictoon. more people added for more cool relationships and stuff, also i love the prison mechs

if you don’t ship it have you even listened to expert testimony????

Think about them. Just think about them. Words are not wording but oh my god think about them. You want fic recs? I can give you fic recs. Please they are so special to me.

prison mechs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lyf!!!!!! what more is there to say

#AHHHHHH GC I C B DGHTHH#THEM THEM THEM THEM THEM-#SAVE ME PRISON MECHS AND LYF#PRISON MECHS AND LYF#PRISON MECHS AND LYF SAVE ME (tags via @analog-cottage-gore)

Pulling out the big guns (my own writing): https://archiveofourown.org/works/51576148 (via @moons-br)

[ughgoaway]

the sick dad matty blurb omfg ACE i’m literally unwell at the thought of mopey messy hair matty falling asleep in ur lap and being so flustered at u seeing him like that- brb fucking crying

also speaking of which genuinely insane timing how you always post smth after i’ve had a very long shift i swear theyre really the one thing i look forward to the most after work 😭😭 uninterrupted horizontal time with ur blurbs it’s true it literally is my fav thing-

also perhaps an extension of sick dad! matty but i just can’t shake the idea of teacher reader being worried about him still and asking annie about it at school the next day and annie just randomly drops a bombshell in the way kids do and says smth like ‘oh daddys so much better today! he’s all smiley and said that you chased the bad coughing monster away for him- can you come do that every time? daddy’s never had anyone do that before’ and it just b r e a ks teacher reader completely pls anyways crying throwing up

(- bff anon also has the can’t shut up disease i fear 😭）

OMG, IM GLAD YOU LIKED IT BFF!!! I just need to look after this man.

like imagine he eventually wakes up and its like 9pm at that point so you're like "okay let's get you to bed" and he's all sad and pouty and says "only if you stay over with me" but he's still half asleep and doesn't quite process what he said for a good few seconds...

wide-eyed, he tries to backtrack, "wait- I'm so sorry I didn't mean it like that! obviously, we haven't slept together yet, but- NO, NOT LIKE 'SLEPT TOGETHER' SLEPT TOGETHER!!! I MEANT LIKE JUST SLEEPING!!! ohmygod-"

you're like "no that sounds nice, let's go upstairs," and matty is silently freaking out bc you're gonna be in his bed. with him. sleeping. he's thought about this scenario 1000 times, and none of them included him being dealthy ill and not having nice sheets on the bed first.

(more rambles below the cut as always)

you get matty to brush his teeth and get ready for bed, even rubbing some moisturiser on him (he just sits there with a dopey grin as you apply)

he always thought you'd be on his chest or he'd be spooning you, but he ends up with his face buried between your boobs and he's out within 10 mins.

oh and the morning after... so much potential...

I must have spidey senses for when you're at work bff!!! the fact that my blurbs make you so happy you look forward to them??? brb vomiting???? that is so kind. horizontal time on tumblr is my fav too, its unmatched.

OH, LITTLE ANNIE TALKING ABOUT HIM PLEASEEEEEE-

I can see her spending the night at hanns bc matty doesn't want her to get ill and doesn't trust George or Ross to keep her overnight.

"Do you even know what 5 year olds eat??"

"bro, why dont you trust us???"

"Yeah... like mushed carrots and shit right. "

you put the kids to work colouring something but secretly call Annie over yo your desk, "hi Annie! I just wanted to ask how your daddy is today, I know he's been a bit poorly"

"...please take her Adam"

she immediately lights up and starts chattering away, "Oh, daddy said he's feeling much better today. he even made me my toast this morning, and he was all smiley the whole time!!! he said you made him all better and played nurse!! can you do that every time he's poorly? he's much happier when you are his nurse than when he goes to the doctors"

obviously, internally you're like "ohmygod he really likes me, and I made him feel better. oh, he couldn't stop smiling, and annie noticed because he was so happy and -"

but externally, you play it cool like, "Oh, that's great, sweetheart! I'm sure next time he's poorly, you can help him feel better too"

Annie is like, "Oh!! I hope he's poorly again soon, I wanna play doctors with you!!!"

you try not to laugh at her wishing her dad ill and just send her back to her desk, but the grin doesn't leave your face all day. thinking about the fact you made matty giddy makes you just as giddy as him.

the next day a bouquet of flowers show up at your door with a note,

"dear nurse y/n,

thank you for coming to look after me even after I cancelled our date. whilst I am slightly mortified you saw me looking like that, I'm more grateful for your help. you made being sick worth it. Spending any time with you is always worth it.

love, matty x

ps, I hope the next time you stay in my bed, I'm substantially less sick, and we're both wearing substantially less clothes ;)"

[iinryer]

I wanna get into boxing so baaad I need to get back to my jock roots too lol any tips??

CHOMPING AT THE BIT EVERYONE SHOULD TRY BOXING ITS MY FAVORITE THING IN THE WORLDDDD

oh my god ok. my starter tip is to find a gym! it may seem super intimidating, but there are beginners gyms and no-contact gyms that aren’t really for sparring or training as much as they are for learning and general cardio workouts!! those are a GREAT place to start to get familiar with it.

im not sure where you’re located, but i recommend TITLE boxing gyms! theyre a chain and sooooo so beginner friendly, scheduled time slots (which helps for people like me who need external structure) that can be added and cancelled via their app, they’re no-contact (it’s all heavy bag and equipment work, not sparring), and when I started going they did first session free and they let you borrow gloves! the only thing i had to buy were hand wraps which was like $10. they had me arrive a little early and showed me the gym, introduced me to the trainer for that night, showed me how to wrap my hands, and walked me through all six strikes! i joke that the sessions are like boxing jazzercise 😂 it’s music and a bunch of people at heavy bags with a trainer on mic calling combos! they also format the workouts like boxing rounds too which is fun

it’s been a couple of years so I don’t do group guided workouts anymore, but it was SUCH a great way to get started. now I train with friends or just book an open gym slot so i can heavy bag on my own or use the other equipment etc.

if you’re not vibing with the concept of hard mode joining an actual training and sparring gym right off the jump, i highly recommend finding a TITLE-esque gym in your area! they will get you set up with literally everything you need to do it for the first time, and then from there you can kind of tailor what you want it to be! i have tons of hand wraps and two pairs of gloves now, i even have proper boxing shoes and i train on occasion—but mostly I just do solo workouts when i get the chance! you might be into immediately pursuing a sparring track and get geared the fuck up, or maybe you’ll just always borrow gloves from a led-cardio gym, ymmv! but imo it’s a really really great way to just get your foot in the door and figure out what you like!

anyways. i love boxing. everybody should try boxing

[roykiller07]

i am always so scared and avoidant of explaining my identity to anybody (even, if not especially, myself) in any more words than the vaguest description possible ("im trans these r my pronouns and im a lesbian") because i cant telepathically transmit my gender into their brain so theyll never understand the complexity of it and will think something is wrong with it because im 100% nothing if not a lesbian but my nonbinaryness does not necessarily exclude manhood but it also does at the same time?? idk. wish ppl would stop trying to get me to explain my nonbinary identity in binary terms (im ppl nobody is asking me to say anything more than what i already do)

that comedian was so right i am a man in the way that kraft singles are cheese. it presents like it would be in the same category, it tastes like an offputting version of the real cheeses, a lot of people would call it cheese and it calls itself cheese too unless legally restricted but when you look at the actual content it is an entirely completely different substance. which doesnt make it any less a cheese persay but certainly also makes it definitely NOT a cheese at the same time. and its way better on grilled cheese than normal cheese is. not sure how that fits into the metaphor but its important to me

the same can be said for the way that im a woman and for both a large majority of the "ingredients" are completely internalizations of external inputs instead of any actual innate part of my being, like being a girl in the weird girl by mommy long legs way or in the impact of growing up a girl in a sexist society way or in the betty grof way or in the autistic female cartoon characters way or in the when choosing which character was OUR character growing up amidst my siblings in any game or show, often ending up w the only girl instead of just anyone that resonated with me way (was always mad at the games/shows for only having one girl, never upset about having to be her instead of someone else unless one of my siblings took the cool genderless-esque one) (maya and zero from borderlands...) or in the im my mother's daughter way or like being a guy in the random stray cat of indeterminate sex way or in the when every new person got confused about my gender as an androgynous kid, laughing super hard with my whole class/whoever was there about how dumb they were but always avoiding answering/correcting them clearly and getting upset if someone else told them i was a girl way or in the feeling very uncomfortable when anyone but my family specifically called out that i was a girl as a kid way (when alex tried to tell me i was the ruler QUEEN not the ruler KING for my collection of rulers..... die) or in the im my brothers brother way or in the drag king way or in the tboy swag of harold tdi way or you know i could go on for literal eons and still feel like i didn't list enough. plus a lot of the items on BOTH lists apply to BOTH options

and besides that im also like totally disconnected from gender?? i definitely still feel agender and genderfluid at the same time all the time not to mention the constant banging at the door in the back of my head for catgender begging to be let out. overall point blank period i know that the reason i feel this way about my gender is because im autistic and when social constructs don't come naturally to me that includes gender. but that's never like. a definitive enough answer for other people or for my own sanity and it makes me mad because NOBODY UNDERSTANDSSS MEEEEEEE [emo crying on knees]

whatever who actually cares (me)

i think the last time i felt properly fully self expressed was when i was 10 and had a scratch account named mr fox and used a persona called mr fox on it and part of what was special about me was that my name was mr fox but i was actually a girl even though i would throw up if someone called me a miss or mrs

[multishipperofgaydeadwizards]

*clears throat and pulls up with a powerpoint* (/jk im making this uo as i go and spilling whatever comes to my brain)

Peter/Sirius *jazz hands*

1) Plant. Dads. There is no other way around this ok? They're plant dads. Peter got Siri into it and now they're both obsessed and are at the top of the class in Herbology along with Alice.

2) They would such a beautiful dynamic omg like Sirius "I say whatever that comes to my mind/ I blatantly flirt" Black and Peter "I have a hard time coming to terms with my feelings/ I can't flirt at all but if someone flirts to me I'm dying on the spot" Pettigrew mhmm mhmm

3) The heartbreakkkk Peter pining over Sirius. And Sirius "I'm in my denial phase I'm not gay" Black going around hooking up with every woman in sight

4) ooooh wait no let's switch things up. Peter is very upfront about his feelings. It takes him time but he gets there eventually. He'll go to Sirius straight up and say "I fancy you. Do with that what you will" and Sirius is just standing there dumbfounded.

5) Sirius would make the first move tho, he would kiss Peter and then he'll move away unsure and Peter will just be like JSKSKDLSMDKDNDKNF externally and internally

6) they'll have picnic dates after they raid the kitchen and its all cute and cottagecore and fluffy

7) the betrayal oooh just imagine how heartbreaking it'll be omg like watch as Sirius spends his time in Azkaban being in denial and then slowly becoming a being of pure rage

8) he leaves Azkaban half cause he wants to hunt down Peter and make him pay but also cause a part of still believes in Pete and wants to hear it from him that he was under a spell or that it a mistake. Something. Anything.

9) ok also thinking about this now I feel like if Startail had happened then the betrayal would have happened? Cause like Peter's flaw was that he kept feeling left alone even tho he actually wasn't as much as his brain led him to believe. He felt left alone with James being Sirius's other half and Remus being Sirius's love of his life right? So now it's like- I don't see a point in the betrayal

10) oooooh wait Dark Pete mhmm mhmm. He is jealous of James because as long as James was there Sirius could never be fully his so he does what he has to for love. In his eyes, he did the right thing.

11) But he miscalculated and ended up losing everything. (And that's why he helps Harry in TDH2)

12) soft top Peter and trying to be bratty but incredibly failing cause of all the softness and care bottom Sirius

I rest my case, your honor.

welcome back to my inbox. I'm glad to see your ideas are still incredible

1) YES!!!! they have so many plants. sirius doesn't get the hype at first (he thinks it's dumb that peter named all of his plants), but then one day the love for the plants hits him like a punch to the face. he hasn't been the same since

2) delicious. they're perfect, for eachother and in general

3) yeah, poor petey :( james tries to support him through it but he doesn't help all that much. marlene tells peter to get over it bc sirius isn't worth the heartbreak (she has one-sided beef with sirius bc of it) (Sirius doesn't know why she suddenly hates him)

4) hsisbidurbo you can combine those two. peter at first waits for sirius to realise that he's not entirely straight... but then he gets tired of it and just tells sirius. the flabbergasted look on sirius's face was an extra

5) bright red peter bc sirius just kissed him. finally. only took him seven thousand years or something

6) yesss. hc that peter is an honorary hufflepuff, and the house elves LOVE him (almost as much as sirius does)

7) the hurt he must be feeling :( he probably refused to believe that peter framed him. there was no way his peteyboo would do that to him, right?

8) yeah. he'd be sure that there must've been something. peter would never do that to him. not his peter

9) maybe sirius and peter go through a rough patch and voldemort or someone else (cough cough jealous ex-lovers rosekiller cough cough) is in peter's ear telling him that sirius is going to leave him if he doesn't do something about it

10) + 11) hdbdoebaobe9ebeos sod o eow e9rbekwze9eb9r dark!peter omg I love this sm. yes, that terrible terrible miscalculation. costing peter both his childhood friend and lover

12) personally I view peter more as a bottom... they're switches. that's how easy that is. but yes, soft dom peter is so real. my boy could never be mean (he murdered people) he's a total sweetheart (he was part of a murderous and pretty much racist cult)

this amazing. I'm excited for the next time you stumble into my asks

[typenull]

how do you find the courage to open up about parts + distinction? its nice in theory (i like being understood and accepted) but in reality its scary. im currently finding it difficult & near impossible to do so with my closest (IRL & online) friends + group therapist. (even names/pronouns). i feel like a trapped deer in headlights. what about you? i think of you as brave and admire that trait about you for being so open about it. sorry if this message is weird. i dont know how else to say it.

wow hi anon, first of all thanks for the ask; i'm really honored that you'd think of me that way about something like this in the first place... and it's not weird at all, don't worry! this subject is definitely something i go back and forth about all of the time, and i think that fear you're describing is completely normal; especially if you're only just beginning to try sharing about having parts at all. so don't worry, i think the fear is actually kind of "baked-in" to the disorder itself, imo.

this got pretty long, so i'm going to put it under a cut!

i think a large part of what you may be picking up on from me has just come from time. i've been formally diagnosed for about 3 years now, but i first identified my symptoms about 10 years ago; i've had a really long time to make a whole fuckton of both mistakes and tough decisions when it comes to how i want to present being dissociative online. compared to how i was when i was younger, i actually consider the amount of actual information i share to be fairly low (so it's surprising to me that i seem as open and not like a private recluse lol) - but my overall acceptance of the disorder and what it means for me to have it has definitely solidified in the past 3 years. that's allowed me to curate a fairly generally cohesive "collective" image, but that can sort of be a pro or a con. i tend to view any information i share online as just being a small "segment" of the overall "chimera" - as long as what sections i share don't put me at risk, it just becomes another facet of how people see me overall. basically, i try to incorporate my view of the disorder into my presentation of my self, i guess. i wouldn't be who i am without my parts, so they become part of me. this mindset largely stems from having to backtrack on a lot of old ideas about the disorder; viewing parts as external figures, presenting parts as Quote Unquote "Completely Separate", etc. you'll have to put your own time into thinking what those sorts of things mean to you, and how you collectively think of it when it applies to yourself.

despite how it looks, i actually have comparatively very few parts that feel fully comfortable "presenting" solely as themself nowadays, and to have that luxury is actually fairly rare. as the guy who's writing this I personally only recently (within the past 2 weeks or so) worked up the courage to present as anything personal to me at all. this is mostly because having a collective name online gives me (overall) the freedom to hide behind that moniker and image that i've spent so long curating, and trying to step outside of that is a pretty big source of risk.

for the most part, i deliberately try not to share information about parts that could put myself in danger, or that would cross those part's boundaries. there are some disagreements when it comes to this; some information that certain parts feel strongest about sharing / feel is strongest tied to their personal identity online can sometimes be information that others feel like "if you post this online we will actually die" about, lol. as always, communication is the most important part of dealing with any part of this disorder.

building off of that, i think the most important piece of advice or what have you is going to sound kind of cliche if you've been deep in the paint on reading advice for DID, but it will get easier as you get to know your parts - and more specifically, each parts boundaries. i would take the time to ask your self and others what exactly it is that makes you freeze up when trying to share or present in a way that's comparatively more open. i'd even ask myself what you consider "being open" means to you, because it's different for everyone. i found myself realizing that a lot of my hangups with it were from other parts' fears or worries, and had to talk it through to come to a middle ground with them.

this is especially true when it comes to wanting to be open to therapists. i've never been in group therapy outside of inpatient before, so i can't exactly be the best help there... but i personally try to remind myself that despite how it feels, i'm technically the person in the position of power in a therapeutic relationship because i'm paying for their service. if i share and i feel it alters our relationship in a way i dislike, or that it puts me in danger, i have the authority to terminate that therapeutic relationship. i would start small and just see how it feels to share about the existence of parts at all in a group setting like that before diving into anything more personal.

i feel like i had more to say, but i've already typed up a whole novel, lol... i hope at least this can give you some insight on where i come from when sharing things online. thanks a lot again for the ask, it means a lot that you'd look up to me in any way. i'm not at all an arbiter of DID advice or anything, but if you'd ever like to shoot me a message off anon you can certainly give it a shot. (even though i'm bad at responding to dms.)

[mysticinsightstarot]

heyyy how are u? So i saw that im on the free tarot game! (Tysmm)

My question is if GA (his first letter of his first name and the second letter of his second name) and me are going to be something? Like who he sees me and his feelings

Thank u❤️🙏🏻

💖✨ Will You & GA Be a Thing? ✨💖

Hey beautiful souls, buckle up for a wild tarot ride full of cosmic chaos, deep emotions, and spicy potential! 😍🔮 Let’s unravel the mysteries of your connection with GA!

1. Current Energy Between You Two

The Devil, The Moon, The World Oof, talk about intense! 🔥🌓 The Devil hints at undeniable attraction, a magnetic pull that you both probably can’t ignore—think obsessive thoughts or that late-night overthinking spiral. The Moon suggests confusion, hidden feelings, and uncertainty clouding the way. 🌌 Yet, The World wraps it up by saying there’s potential for fulfillment if you both can rise above the shadows and fears. It’s like a karmic roller coaster that could come full circle. 🎢💫

2. GA’s Current Feelings for You

8 of Cups, Queen of Cups, Hierophant GA’s energy is a mystery wrapped in complexity. 😶‍🌫️💔 The 8 of Cups shows they’re trying to walk away from something emotionally heavy, maybe past wounds or something unresolved. But wait—the Queen of Cups says they feel deeply for you, with compassion and care. 🥹✨ The Hierophant speaks of tradition, meaning GA might crave commitment but are dealing with inner struggles first. You’re touching their heart, but they need to find themselves before diving in.

3. Your Feelings for GA

High Priestess Ooh, secretive, are we? 😉🌙 The High Priestess tells me you’re keeping your cards close to your chest, maybe trusting your intuition and vibing on a soul level. This is a deep, spiritual attraction, like you know there’s something more but don’t want to spill all the tea just yet. 🍵✨

4. Obstacles in the Connection

Ace of Pentacles, Page of Swords, Queen of Wands, Knight of Cups, 2 of Wands Holy obstacles, Batman! 😵‍💫 The Ace of Pentacles reveals issues around stability—could be financial, practical, or even timing. Meanwhile, the Page of Swords warns of immaturity or gossip, someone snooping or talking without thinking. 🤔 The Queen of Wands? She’s bringing passion, but maybe too much drama! The Knight of Cups shows romantic dreams, but watch out for inconsistencies. The 2 of Wands? There’s distance, maybe literal or metaphorical, making things tough. Decisions, decisions! 🗺️💭

5. What Attracts GA to You

2 of Cups, Page of Cups, Chariot Heart eyes alert! 🥺❤️ The 2 of Cups says GA feels a soulmate-like connection, a bond that’s hard to ignore. The Page of Cups makes them adore your sweet, dreamy side, and The Chariot means you bring out their desire to chase, to go after what they want. You inspire them to take action—they’re so into you, it’s like a love song stuck in their head. 🎶🚗💕

6. What Makes GA Hesitate

6 of Cups, 5 of Swords, 8 of Swords, 7 of Wands Oof, here’s the tea! 🍵🥀 The 6 of Cups brings past memories—GA might still be dealing with a nostalgic longing or an ex-situation. The 5 of Swords is all about conflict and feeling defeated. Add in the 8 of Swords, and they’re stuck in their own mind, paralyzed by fear or self-doubt. And the 7 of Wands? That’s defensiveness, feeling like they have to fight off external pressures. It’s a battlefield in their head, for real. 🥺🪖

7. Advice for You

10 of Wands, 9 of Wands Whoa, you’re carrying a lot of emotional baggage, my love. 😩💼 The 10 of Wands says you’ve been shouldering too many responsibilities or expectations. The 9 of Wands? It’s the wounded warrior, telling you to hold on but set some boundaries. Protect your energy, but don’t give up if this feels right. Healing and patience will be your BFFs. 💪✨

8. Potential Outcome

8 of Pentacles, 8 of Wands, The Star, Strength Triple 8s for abundance and change! 🔥💸 The 8 of Pentacles says progress is possible if you’re willing to put in the work. The 8 of Wands brings a rush of communication or sudden developments. And The Star? It promises hope, healing, and divine timing—wish upon that shooting star, babe! 🌠 Finally, Strength is all about taming inner demons and growing stronger together. If you both stay resilient, this connection can be beautifully transformative. 🦁🌟

Bottom of the Deck: The Magician

Manifestation mode ON! 🌟✨ The Magician says you have all the tools to make magic happen in this relationship. Focus on what you truly desire, and speak it into existence! You’re both more powerful than you realize. 😇💬

📝 Feedback means everything, babes! 💌 Tag my blog with your thoughts and be sure to reblog my pinned post with a 💎 to officially claim your reading. Trust me, it’s essential if you want to keep this good energy flowing and make more magic together! ✨💖

[imaginespazzi]

Bestie bestie bestie!

Hello :) Where to even begin after so much time.. I guess first I'll note that my last anon to you is starred below just so we can follow the thread of last convo somewhat (and honestly just wanted to ensure you knew I at one point wrote in over you hiatuses)..

Ok on to more new stuff: Biggest news is Im off to the wifeys motherland (ironic a bit as I believe shes currently playing in my fatherland). I'll report back on food a day drink 😋 ca va?

Yay Liberty, they did it! 🗽Plenty of kudos to the Lynx as well. Was a great series all around. Even if my nerves barely withstood those overtimes & dramatic endings.

Coaching movement in the W continues to make my head spin. OMG the Thibaults are gone, didnt see that coming tbh! I remain seated for all the hirings/happenings to come. And cant believe we're almost to the lottery selection w still so much upheaval in place 🤯

Hope all is well w you despite lifes busyness. Take care

** Hi hi hi bestie! Yes that anon was me ha. I realized after sending that I left of my emoji signature, but was pretty sure youd connect things, given some hyper specific topics ha. Hope life is treating you alright apart from just being busy!

Im personally just relieved that the Libs managed to even things up last night, while still trying to process the 2nd half & OT of game 1 lol. That one was all just absolutely bonkers. Crazy entertaining, even if it hurt my NY supporting heart at the time.

When it comes to the coaching moves, def in agreement that Indy doesnt deserve good things. What do you make of who the Valks named HC? Seems a good hire to me at a quick glance, but Im also leery of anyone who might be involved w the Aces lawsuit ordeal (tbf Im not super well informed on that, but dont believe Ive ever seen her referenced w that stuff). Yeah objectively I dont feel that a (random) late winning run/playoff push, external circumstances w the standings aside, was worth dropping your odds of getting #1/Paige from like 30 to 10 %. Still struggle to understand why they ended up trying to fight the path that established itself early on. Granted kind of unexpected and extreme circumstances, but still, lemons to lemonade if you will. Im not feeling eager for the draw next month..

Honestly it will be interesting now to see/follow any Liz activity while she hits the offseason as college ball starts up soon. Curious to see if any crumbs or reactions come up at all. W those two seeming to be at an avoidance phase, another college wbb couple needs to step up and provide us w some (non toxic) drama to follow over the season ha! Not you tho Pazzi, you stay lovely/wholesome/stable/healthy

One additional GH note - I obvi live for snark, so wanted to share my fav lines from Ch 10

“Won’t somebody please think about the complications” Jana in full menace mode and so funny. "I mean other than the woman you married as well that is" The fact that Azzi will not ever say her name I just love. I also have this idea that Stephie, when older and knows pretty much everything re her parents history, will continue the she who shall not be named thing in support of her mama. (And Im not entirely discounting the possibility of a bit of real time drama w Olivia that wont help w this whole Azzi grudge).

Wishing you a good start to the week!! -☕️ **

Hi hi lovely I missed you <3

Ah babes that must have gotten lost in my sea of asks because I've been so bad about answering them. It's funny how much has change since whenever you sent that thought because the W has become a revolving door of coaching changes.

I really like the Valks HC choice. She's been very effective with the LVAces and I expect that to continue. Same with the recent news we go today of Tyler Marsh with the Sky. I think LVAces coaching staff in general is so strong and them branching off is good for the league and both the Valks and the Sky with these coaches and a little bit of time for player development should eventually be really good. Ultimately the lawsuit is a front office issue and I don't think these two had much to do with it and so until I see issues in their new respective teams, I don't think we can hold it against them.

LIBERTYYYYYYY. So happy for them and of course props to the Lynx. And honestly thank you to both teams for giving us what I think, despite that one foul, is the greatest W finals we've ever had.

THE THIBAULTS ARE GONE. You were one of the first people I thought of when I saw that news. Honestly I have no idea what to think. I really didn't see it coming and as much as I've done a lot of nepo baby this nepo baby that, I don't necessarily know if this is the right choice but I'll wait to see who they appoint as the head coach to really figure out my thoughts.

Lottery in 2 weeks?? What the actual hell? Like y'all we're likely gonna know where Paige is going before we even see Azzi on the court and that's insane to me.

OOOOH I have some CWBB drama if anyone wants it. Did y'all peep Last-Tear's Poa's shady insta caption she deleted? Her and Sam'yah Smith were a thing and streets are saying maybe she cheated?

Pazzi are being wholesome as always. "Silly girl" - what if I jump off a cliff :)

[kuiperror]

TELL ME ABOUT THE CHIPMUNKS LORE. pretty please.

1st thank you for indulging me (even tho i asked lol) 2nd.maybe dont open this unless you want to get blasted with useless information + unimportant yet dearly held opinions + offtopic addendums + true sincerity. i tried to hold back guys im sorry. hold onto your hats im getting fucking crazy in here

firstly ill summarize and say that my "version" of the story of aatc [1] is basically just an idealized version of the "lore" the 1960s version gave us (i say "lore" in quotations bc there was. none lol).

now a lot of my ideas concerning the "lore" of story are interconnected to my opinions about the actual application of aatc media in real life . for instance, the story is set, vaguely, around the late 1950s - early to mid 1960s, like the irl "run" of the original chipmunks records. i personally believe that, as a real media franchise, aatc really has no reason to exist within our modern world with the technology we have today [2] so aatc as a fictional story is affected similarly. along with that, when the story is played out in the context of 1960s america it creates a richer thematical experience as the themes are compounded and expanded on. [3] a lot of the themes that i consider Essencial to the story deal with acceptance of differences and familial love and questioning of ones own humanity and sense of belonging, both within oneself and within the family unit and within larger society, and conservative 1960s suburban america is just a rlly good backdrop to place all of that. so basically i believe in the Contextuality of 1960s aatc and i love to allude to those contexts within the story.

another thing about my version is that i allow it to be inconsistent both with itself or with real life, just cuz it doesn't really have to be. for instance, this story has a floating timeline and i consider the chipmunk's ages to range from 8 - 10 years old— theodore is 8, alvin is 9, simon is 10. (simon is the oldest in the 1960s era idc who says what, i will die on this hill) however at the same time i think it would make the most sense for them to come from the same litter, which would make them all the same age. so i consider the chipmunks to be different ages while also considering they were born at the same time. i do have an in-world resolution for this discrepancy [4] but you get what im saying: my version of events is a little fictional story for me and me only so inconsistencies like that can be brushed over . mainly so i don't think too deeply about the logistics of things (cuz i tend to do that to avoid any possible criticism cuz i am Afraid of flaw) . like i'll catch myself being like "but how does the development of a real 8yo match theodore's behavior? 🤨" and i have to tell myself "bro.. this is a fictional cartoon world ur literally talking about a talking chipmunk its Not That Serious it doesn't have to be that realistic dude" so i just say its my own little play place and i get to do what i want :)

my version of the backstory of the chipmunks is not really all there in terms of external and internal consistency, but it mostly resembles the 1980s series' backstory where dave finds the chipmunks on his doorstep. (see [4] for entire story) i think that the months after dave took them in were honestly a p dark period for the family. i don't imagine dave had good support system and i think the mental struggle of suddenly caring for 3 incredibly strange children all the while fearing societal reactions to them (which restricted him from getting the help he needed) [5] definitely aged him. ithink hes like, early 30s when the chipmunks arrive, late 30s when the timeline "starts floating"... not as young as most (?) fans/iterations interpret him to be. i think that, before "the chipmunk song" was created, dave had raised the chipmunks for like.. 3-5ish years. what i'm saying is that dave definitely took in the chipmunks out of the kindness of his own heart and not cuz he wanted to capitalize on their singing prowess (aHEM looking at a certain movie 🤨)

also, i like to accentuate the animal-ness of the boys by taking real world information about chipmunks and applying it to them :) in general its a little bit of a pet peeve of mine when ppl just completely disregard the animal part of funny animal characters... esp with alvin and the chipmunks bc thats like. Their Whole Thing . they are chipmunks ? why do you just ignore that 😭

now i have talked a LOT about angsty stuff but i do want to make it clear that legit all this stuff is the subtext and background for interactions shown within the 1960s chipmunk media. the chipmunks are still happy kids who have fun and goof around and piss off david !! its just that they have fears and their own Issues like any real person.

so yeah! thats my chipmunk lore!! ^^ i have a whole document about my version so im definitely. fucking insane about the chipmunks. if any other aatc fans are reading this please be nice to me 😦 i feel as though i am very much a weirdo in my sandbox all alone soo dont h8 me plz :)

and just to send it off with some silly lore here are some random headcanons for each character that i have taken straight from my lore document ^^

alvin: would 100% be a leash kid . just sayin (as a former leash kid myself)

alvin: takes after david musically— when he writes his own music and makes up little songs to himself it sounds very similar to the songs dave writes. alvin doesn't recognize this but dave definitely does :,)

alvin: insecure about his height and constantly reassures himself that he will have a growth spurt when hes older

simon: loves loves LOVEs non-conventional and instrumental music! especially those set in different modes

simon: astronaut kid he loves space and wants to b an astronaut . born at just the right time B)

simon: knows better than to follow along with alvin's troublemaking + rebelliousness, occasionally tries to push back, but often is just like. fuck it we ball and goes along with it, especially if its fun ^^

theodore: LOVES the technical aspect of music + the recording process . he will tell you all about the science behind how vinyl records work unprompted.

theodore: doesnt like to sing solos as much as his brothers do bc of past childhood asthma at age 3 and also because he can not stop himself from giggling when hes singing hes just so happy :)! (THIS ONE IS CANON 💥💥💥 SOURCE: UP ON THE HOUSETOP CHRISTMAS W THE CHIPMUNKS VOL 1 ‼️)

theodore: although he is the most naive of the bunch, he is not dumb . hes just a little kid who likes being silly !

dave: before taking the chipmunks in in his early 30s he was the world's most regular guy . wrote hits for other people, continues to do that occasionally into the boys's careers

dave: literally has a song for everything . he will do everything to a beat .

dave: embroiders and cross-stitches to regulate his anger + knows how to sew really well since he has 2 make all of the boys' clothes. (CANON ⁉️😍) also it was his decision to color-code and embroider their initials onto everything they wear lmfao

FOOTNOTES (color coded for your convenience!)

[1] - in this post i refer to the media franchise as "aatc" (alvin and the chipmunks) and refer to the actual trio of characters as "the chipmunks" to avoid confusion. i just want it to be said that i personally dont like to call the media franchise "alvin & the chipmunks" on account of the whole "uuu if alvins a chipmunk why is it called alvin & the chipmunks" joke, i personally prefer to call the franchise just "the chipmunks" as it is shorter and includes the 1960s era as for most of it the franchise went by several different iterations (if we lived in a perfect world the franchise would still be called "david seville and the chipmunks" . just saying)

[2] - back in the early 60s, combining pitch-shifted vocals and character-acting was an innovative technique that took real time, effort, knowledge and skill to achieve. but nowadays not only is the concept no longer fresh but literally anyone can create their own "chipmunk" vocals in a matter of minutes. the story & characters (also nostalgia) are really the only thing keeping the aatc franchise going, esp since that's what more modern iterations of aatc focus on rather than the actual music.

[3] - in the media outside of their albums (the alvin show & the dell comics, specifically) there is always an underlying theme of comparison between david and the boys and the 1960s concept of a nuclear american family. its not exactly an "Intentional" theme, it more or less comes with the (irl) time-period the original aatc media was created in. the seville household is, inherently, a subversion of the ideal of the "perfect family" that households were compared against and strived to be, even at the expense of their own comfort, ideals, safety, etc. this subversion can be played into for drama and angst in a richer, more plausible way than it would be if the story were set in a more modern time period, u know? but yeah i believe that, as a fictional story, aatc shouldn't be divorced from the context of the attitudes and values of what mainstream society thought a family should be in the 1960s.

[4] - essentially in my version of events, dave was given no information about the boys and he basically made up their ages. when david found them in his backyard, they were oversized chipmunks as large as your average cat. they all sort of acted like young human children, but they were a lot more... chipmunk than child. they could only babble— but the sounds were recognizable as human speech. dave was obviously freaked out and resolved to keep an eye on them whenever they were in his backyard. he really only resolved to take them in due to the fact that he could literally see them change throughout a single week. how i imagine the chipmunks' biology is that they are a mixture of human and chipmunk (not literally, mind you, more as a physiological, figurative thing) so they have the intelligence and development of a human while still doing certain things like undertaking hibernation, wanting to forage and stockpile and burrow, things like that. however their growth rate is incredibly fucked up, going from the actual size of a newborn baby chipmunk to the size of a human toddler within like, a year. with this rapid growth also comes more human-like intelligence. once they were actually living in his house, dave knew there was something human about them with these creatures so he couldn't just let them return to the wild, especially since they were becoming more and more dependent on him and more and more human-like as days passed... i definitely think there was a moment of pure clarity for dave where he realized like. wow, that's a child. these things are children. and they are relying on me to provide for them. they are absolutely attached to me by now. and i think i might actually be attached to them too. and thats when he decided to name them and truly care for them like any other human child. overtime the chipmunks slowed their growth rate and matched their developing rate with the same as an average human. the chipmunks don't remember much of their early childhood and nothing can really be disputed so davids word of what happened is gospel. And yeah thats their backstory basically. if you want more on dave's view point on the chipmunks and their fucked up growth process, you can read this post here :)

[5] - he overcame this, of course. he did not want the boys to think that he was ashamed of them. public school was a different story, however, and the boys were more-or-less in a state of homeschooling before the release of "the chipmunk song." knowing that most of their peers would actually look up to them rather than down upon them extremely reassured him.

[thefirstknife]

can we please. go one (1) week without the PVP obsessed people going off about how PVP is the only thing that matters in the game. im so very tired. "PVE people are probably about to find out that PVE can't carry the game because PVP is ruined and we're all gonna quit and play better games" please just can they shut up and go already instead of threatening us with a good time they never follow through on??

I saw that stuff as well, I know exactly what you're talking about. It's incredibly disingenuous and deliberately incendiary to cause more people to bitch about the game being doomed or whatever.

They are constantly using "steam numbers" to show that this is the lowest population count that Destiny 2 ever had and how that's proof that the game is being ruined and dying, that pvp bros and content creators are more important than we think they are, that Bungie needs to make Destiny 3 (yes, that is unironically stuff that people are saying) and other really incredibly tiring things.

Not to mention the vitriol towards the devs. Every time they bitch, more and more people show up in the comments saying awful shit about devs and how they are lazy, they don't work, they don't care, they are bad at development and so on. This is what eventually fuels harassment.

These "steam numbers" are disingenuous because they are taken out of context and they strip all other external reasons from the "low player count."

Is there a low player count? Yes! That is correct. Even when we account for console players, it's still low.

This is nothing new. This is a constant trend. Last month of the season ALWAYS has low numbers. People finished their story and their pinnacle grind and their seals and are doing other things.

More under for length:

Is this the lowest it's been so far? It seems to be, though the final month on steam charts isn't over so we can't fully tell yet, but it seems to be one of the lowest. However, there's been similar numbers before during seasonal end. It's quite literally nothing new. We go through this every season, except this season it's slightly lower than usual.

Why is that? Well, the chart Aztecross put to prove there's not many people playing happened on a Monday before the final Tuesday reset of the final week of the season. Yeah bro, very few people have things left to do in the season. They're not bothering. Unlike you, other people have other hobbies and games to play. I haven't played in days, I only got on on Saturday to finish my King's Fall seal and that took 10 minutes. This is what I mean by "disingenuous." It's a cheap bait tactic. Find the lowest number and ship it for cheap outrage engagement.

Others are constantly also posting the cummulative steam chart for every month of Destiny since the game came to steam and they're pointing out that we have lowest numbers now. Which is, again, posted for cheap outrage. They look at the number and see it's low and their conclusion is "game is dying." They don't care about the trend (every season end is "dying"), they don't care about external reasons (other game releases), they don't care about overall how some seasons are just weaker and have less interest (not the first time), they don't care about anything.

They just want people to be mad enough to harass the devs. Because like, what do they think is going to happen when they spend 2 months blogging to hundreds of thousands of people about the game being ruined by evil devs who don't do their job? When they constantly talk about how everything in the game is bad, pvp is bad, pve is boring and easy, story is bad, seasons are bad, events made for fun are bad, small community event is bad. What's going to happen is thousands of people are going to harass the devs. That's what going to happen.

I took the "steam numbers" chart that people are throwing around and I went into it in-depth to explain what the numbers mean and add context to them. You can see it here. It's a big image but you can zoom in and explore. It makes more sense when you see it separated by seasons; you can CLEARLY see the main trend of "low population at season end."

Another thing to consider with these numbers is the scheduling pattern. Shadowkeep released in October, Beyond Light released in November after a delay. October-November are usually months with a lot of other game releases and holidays. In 2019 and 2020, Bungie had an expansion themselves to cover that time. In 2021, there was no expansion in Oct-Nov; and that was the last time the game had the lowest population record ever. WHAT A SURPRISE. In this period, if Destiny doesn't have an expansion, people move on to play other games!!!! WOW! We have the technology to decipher the low numbers!

It's important to also note that back in 2021, that was the first time a game was delayed properly and significantly, so the year was without an expansion and there was a lull in Oct-Nov period. However, at that time, it was the first time this schedule happened and people generally didn't know how will it go. We were also kept in the dark about the seasonal story end (the infamous When Is Exorcism incident) so people had to keep coming back. Now, we're in the same situation; no new expansion in Oct-Nov, seasonal lull, nothing is happening. However, now, we know how this goes. People know how this schedule works AND we're not dealing with an extended season. We know when this season ends and there's nothing to wait for. People are more comfortable taking a break. So there's less people in Oct-Nov 2022 than there were in the previous lowest point, Oct-Nov 2021. It's almost as if there are reasons for this that go beyond "game is obviously dying."

These people also seem to be incapable of understanding that some players just... stop playing. For no specific reason. The game isn't dying, some people just lose interest. Content creators are especially guilty of this, because THEY can't stop playing, because they tied their income to a single live service game. To them, quitting the game is losing a job. Curious, maybe that influences their views about the game and about burnout and taking breaks and the quality of the content?

They simultaneously want Bungie to drop FOMO and reduce burnout, but they ALSO want for there to never be "content droughts." Which one is it? Because these two things cannot both be gone. If you want less FOMO and less burnout, then there will be less content. If you want more content, then you have to get on that burnout grindset.

It's the end of the god damn season. Yeah, nothing is happening. Yeah, fewer people are playing. Players finished their grind in the Destiny mines and are doing other things before the new season drops. Stop catastrophising it for cheap outrage bait. You not being able to take a break and having to keep making new content even when the season is ending and there no new content is your problem. Not Bungie's, not the other players'.

Bungie is not going to force their devs to crunch 80 hours per week so you can have brand new content every Tuesday that no regular player can catch up with. As it currently is, I want MORE downtime. I want seasons to be 4 months and to have less time and more downtime to catch up with stuff. Imagine the outrage though. Genuinely, society if these people would actually deliver on their promise and leave. Someone else will take your place, bro.

Also, as a final note before a dissertation in the tags: these pvp mains are weak. They whine about only having 2 new maps in 2 years. Gambit got -2 new maps. Like, literally we had 6 maps and now we have 4. LMAO. Crucible has a total of 24 maps and 8+ modes, constant updates, Iron Banner rework, multiple Trials reworks, incoming competitive rework, Crucible labs, three different sets of armour, prestige weapon loot, three different seals, entire twabs dedicated just to it. And they whine about not enough attention for the Crucible?

It's getting more attention than any other core playlist. Their problem is that they're not the ones being catered to. An update doesn't count if it doesn't satisfy mister Crucible Main #37. Fuck everyone else I guess! They are the most entitled selfish childish little pricks I've ever seen. They do not deserve Bungie talking the players at all.

[wazohoo]

magnus early access thoughts (spoilers ahead, including character names) including thoughts about the writer of the episode which. idk if its public so if you dont wanna know, dont look.

1) god.. this episode was so harlan guthrie fr. ALSO SHE HAS MY EYES??? SAID VERBATIM? i know what you are sir. was hoping there’d be something like that. welcome back john doe and arthur

2) they were around the same age… and they never met…. my heart… 💔

3) okay well its all but confirmed celia is tma celia. “couple of all documents” my ass, both me and whatever dread power thats in the cctv know thats a lie girl

4) on a real one though this makes me think. their deaths were “mundane” and both ruled as accidents. i dont believe that the writers would bring back something so huge, only to say “oh by the way- they died a while back, rip” for no reason other than to fuck with us

*although, fucking with us is something they do. i wont put it past em

**ALSO, i know for a fucking fact jons ass was not biking, so until proven wrong im gonna assume martin was the biking accident and jon was the heart complication

***ALSO ALSO! HEART CONDITION? IF THAT IS HIM, WHO WAS STABBED LAST TIME? MAYBE IN THE HEART?? UHHHH which could mean nothing but I dunno gang. ive seen interpretations of him gettin shanked in the back, or the eye, even, but ive always thought it was the heart

5.) additionally, sam said they died nearly 20 years ago. this would put their deaths around 2004-2005. i dont know if this has any significance (though im sure somehow it might) but the extended support for windows n.t 4.0 extended server support supposedly ended December 31st, 2004. probably means nothing though, someone who knows about computers tell me more what that means

6.) NEVER MIND THAT! MY BABYGIRLS ARE BACK?

7.) i do wonder how they feed into this ESPECIALLY basira. im very intrigued by helen as well. i cant even form thoughts on what might be going on with them.

8.) this lends a bit more to the celia multiverse theory, but i wonder how many names shes going to “find in documents” before sam gets suspicious.

9.) i also noticed something in the last episode- when sam says “i can look out for myself” i remember there being a computer interruption. this complicated how i, at least, understand the system because i believed the interruptions were queued by just regular old lies- the character themselves says something untrue. however, this points more towards the computers acting as a ruler of objective truth. the computers decide what is and is not untrue, rather then the characters. meaning while WE understand its a lie and believe the characters do as well, that could not be the case. this is much more interesting to me, because if this is true, it could add a whole other layer to the celia situation.

10.) gwen and alice. 1.) give my babygirl gwen a break for the love of GOD but 2.) someone else said it on here first, and i really like the idea that theres going to be two “teams” of people in this show- sam and celia, who want to know more about the magnus institute, and gwen and alice, who are convinced that theyre under attack via the externals, or something else. this could be so incredibly interesting for character interaction. but also. the. the lesbians of all time?? the wlw of all time?? i need them TO KISS PLEASE (i also need to add alice’s mug to my collection)

[borom1r]

THANK @theshakespearetrash FOR MORR QUESTIONS IMMMMMNNN VERY HIGH ive never RPed as John Marlott but ive written 2 fics for him tht counts right? right

(ask meme)

1. Is your muse afraid of death?

he wants to die so bad. + then he does and his family is gone AND his rest is stolen from him 💔 so no. but it’s very sad

2. What is your muse’s kill count? 

huh. that’s a good question actually. I think.. huh. not many? Hervey’s henchdude in s1 and i think someone else?? im very high rn he killed the one dude in s2 to escape the asylum n there’s a lotta death that follows him but like 2? 3? ppl HE kills on screen.

ofc that’s not touchin on the war/anything pre-canon in his work. + he blames himself for the death of his wife and child so those Could be counted

3. What is your muse’s biggest fear? 

everyone he loves dying. + hey guess what happens in canon!!

4. How easy is it to anger your muse?

not very. he knows the dance of Polite Society Manners and can keep his composure. he might be stern but it’s rare that he Actually gets angry. until his sanity starts slipping but u know that’s beyond his fuckin control

5. What is your muse’s biggest regret? 

everything tht happened w his wife n child

6. Does your muse believe in an afterlife? 

LOL yea but he doesn’t get to go thereeeeee

7. How many scars does your muse have?

HM. many. lots on his back n obvs the scars from Hervey. bet he has quite a few more tho

8. Does your muse tend to bottle things up?

yes but not.. mm, not consciously i think. he’s just so used to isolation that i don’t think he even Fathoms opening up to someone as a possibility

9. What is one thing that would break your muse?

HRM. well. Flora’s death does, one could argue. at least it starts the steep downward spiral into his rebirth and further decline following his institutionalization

10. Does your muse have nightmares? What about?

obviously yea + im fucking insane abt him. barking like a dog @ Sean Bean fucking gutting himself with fabric shears

11. Would your muse kill for someone they care about? 

oh yea ofc he would. of course he would.

12. What was the worst injury your muse has received?

does it count as an injury if it happened postmortem? i think the psychological trauma caused by it means it counts. the surgical wounds from Hervey

13. How much pain can your muse withstand? For how long? 

s1? a fair amount of pain for quite a long time. s2? the man’s a corpse. he got coffin shrapnel in his side and fuckin walked home. he’s fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine he’s fine don’t ask

14. What was the most traumatic moment in your muse’s life?

Hervey’s bullshit forever. hate that man hitting him w bricks unironically

15. How often does your muse cry? Do they view it as weakness?

RARELY + feel like he’s probably neutral abt it conceptually he’s just so used to being completely alone. i think emotions are kind of just a numb ache for him for a while. + then of course he bonds w Flora and Nightingale and then Everything Goes To Hell And Crashes And Burns

16. If your muse could talk to one person they’ve lost, who would it be? 

HM. his wife i think. bc he at least got the closure of seein Flora + Nightingale reunited. but he never got to see his wife even Before his rebirth

17. Does your muse consider themselves a good person? Why or why not? 

HRM. s1? no i think he’s neutral to himself at BEST. s2……….. nooooooooo but also yes kind of i think Esther really helps him see the good in himself. so by the end of s2 Yes but only then

18. Does your muse think they’re capable of changing? Do they even want to?

OH. very good question. does he? i think he feels like he Has to believe in change bc Esther and Flora and Nightingale did ultimately play a role in changing him for the better. and Hervey changed him for the worse. but also these r all external forces effecting him not like. himself. can he? I don’t think so. I think if he thought abt it he’d think that he himself is stagnant. it’s like pond ripples. if you lob a rock into water there’s already rocks in the bottom of that bitch so the only real change is surface distortion and a little more weight. and ultimately the ripples stop and the water settles. maybe it’s cloudier bc sediment got stirred up. maybe it’s clear, who knows. Still just a fuckin lake. does that make sense? idk man I cried in a theater today + toook too many edibles he’s himself. that’s an answer

[prattery]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

Thank you for the tag @queerofthedagger <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

22

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

242,705, which is absolute madness. didn't even realise i have that much to say abt merlin and arthur lol

3. What fandoms do you write for?

BBC Merlin xx

4. Top 5 fics by kudos?

stone cold: the one where merlin was turned into stone. bit heavy i have to admit, no idea what i was on when i wrote it

through storm and hellfire: the one where merlin was kidnapped to force Destiny™'s hand , things went to shit, and arthur went through a Difficult Journey of Discovery (or: the wringer) where he learnt that his dad was not, in fact, a good guy....among other things

flickering embers: the one where arthur lost merlin to the veil between the worlds only for merlin to be spat back out, lose his memory, and become a druid leader

winning the battle: the one where old religion claims everything that makes merlin merlin as a price for the immense magic he used to win arthur's battle

quiet light: the one where merlin stayed mad after agravaine convinced arthur that gaius was a traitor

my takeaway from this is that people enjoy it when i make arthur suffer

5. Do you respond to comments?

i do try but i am genuinely horrible at it. it's so so nice to receive them and i read every single one but i kind of don't know how to respond to them sometimes. one day we will get there

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i did intend for the long way round ANd a line that goes all the way to have angsty endings but oops guess my hand slipped.

the number of times i intended a fic to have an angsty ending only for me to faff with it later... unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on where you stand on this) my mind would not let me rest until I added a happier ending

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

the three trials. it ended well for everybody. and not to toot my own horn or anything but i'm quite happy with it. i think i have a tendency to rush endings generally speaking, but i quite enjoyed writing the ending to this one.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not yet and tbh i'd prefer to keep it this way thank you xx

9. Do you write smut?

i do like thinking about writing it but i just can't bring myself to actually type it out before i give myself the ick. maybe one day

10. Do you write crossovers?

no

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

i think the fact that im still in here 10 (?) years after the show ended on says something about merthur lol. once and future ship init

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

the sword and his shield. i still really like the concept i have for it and i still have the ideas for it rattling around in my head, but i just feel like it flopped. i write for myself and clear my head of plotlines and random bits of dialogue rather than external validation, but it just feels a bit like mumbling into the void

16. What are your writing strengths?

banter and describing emotions that are not my own <3

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

worldbuilding. coming up with the concept is fine, i can do that, but i find the keeping track on them challenging

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

i mean if somebody else wants to do it, go for it, fair play, but personally i will not. only because i can't be 100% sure that i wouldn't get things wrong

19. First fandom you wrote for?

fairly sure i wrote HP (drarry), just never published it. don't remember what it was about, either.

the first one i published on ao3 was marvel (stevebucky). i have not touched it since my return to fandom and tbh im not going to

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

i feel like i should say storm and hellfire because it is my child, it is the longest thing i've ever written, and i feel like it is the only thing i write that resembles an Actual Story (idk how else to put it). i surprised myself by actually finishing it. think it took about two years and i was a bit bereft after the last chapter was posted.

that being said, the fic i enjoy rereading the most (i.e. without cringing) is probably a line that goes all the way. it ticks all my own boxes and caters to all my interests lmao what can i say

not tagging anybody in particular but if you'd like to do this, feel free to say i tagged you xo