#like i normally would not care about anything like that bc it's irrelevant but i'm in full hypochondriac mode and already on edge and

[kenobihater]

lenny needy smoky and a miracle cure for overwhelming mental illnesses NOW 😔😔😔

[lawofangie]

some things i've manifested

these are some basic stories, but i have some "crazy" ones i might share if you guys want lol

note: before manifesting i used to have a pretty "normal" life. i was conventionally attractive, middle classs, etc. i didn't really "need" anything but a social life and better grades. regardless of that, i just manifested whatever i wanted and didn't limit myself. i also added a few little stories behind them.

appearance change:

changed my hair texture to curly

grew from 5'2 to 5'6

clear, even skin and skin tone (tbh i already had a really good skincare routine, my skin was super clear bc of that BUT my face used to be like 10 shades darker than the rest of my body and i had CRAZY backne and strawberry legs)

losing 30 pounds (i used to be 72kg, now i'm 58kg)

changed my shoe size (i used to be size 9 now i'm size 7)

changed my hand size (for reference, my hands used to be a little longer than my phone, i had a "pro max" sized phone.)

social life:

having good friends in my state (im from up north and was completely lonely in the state i live in now)

popularity (i used to be pretty irrelevant but now everybody likes me and wants to be around me)

getting my sp's (i manifested them from scratch and took inspired action to meet them)

having people crush on me more overtly/ getting approached more (this is kind of a weird one, before my appearance change i was pretty attractive like maybe a 7/10, but i got tired of people just ogling me and not approaching me. i only had the unattractive and overconfident guys approaching me, all the attractive ones just stared lol)

just being likable lol (people used to feel threatened by me or feel like i was standoffish for some reason. idrk tbh but it was VERY annoying. i literally used to get accused of "acting like i own the place" for being quiet and just existing 💀. i didn't really care what they thought, but i hated when they complained about it and tried to make it my problem.)

school:

higher gpa (i used to have a 3.0 but i manifested a 3.8, which is a weighted 4.0)

high grades (i used to fail many tests/exams and have a mix of a, b, and c's. now they're all a's)

dream college acceptance

teachers liking me (they actually used to hate my guts it was so annoying 😭)

school crushes liking me back (tbh they probably thought i was already attractive but they never spoke to me or seemed like they wanted to get to know me)

leaving early (my school day ends at like 12 now)

lifestyle:

living closer to the city

having my dream routine (i have my dream skincare products, haircare products, diet, and health routines.)

having a high self concept (tbh i technically always did, i knew what i wanted and deserved. i just felt more like i was being injusticed. so i got rid of the "unwilling victim" mentality. i also used to ruminate on irrelevant things, like mistakes i made, what people thought of me, etc.)

very high confidence (in my looks, abilities, judgement, etc.)

money for my parents and myself

having a busy, productive life (i used to hate school because my grades weren't contributing to anything i wanted to do in life, so i wanted a productive life outside of that.)

always getting my way

getting all sorts of things for free

and more!

i'd say this all took me around 2-3 months, not because manifesting takes time, but because i assumed a lot of things would take time. i also had periods of doubt in myself and tried to handle things in the 3d on my own for some time.. which obviously didn't work. still, all i did was assume and accept these things as true and they happened overnight, in a day, or within that week. the longest anything's taken me is like 7 days, and that was because i kept wavering in my mind. manifestation is truly instant.

but anyways, i hope this is motivational and helpful. i do have some pretty "ridiculous" stories like some revenge stories, "crazy" stories regarding sp's, some not very appropriate stories, really good things happening to me, and others.

thanks for reading! i hope this helps. 🩶

[hetalia-club]

Giving you this bc ur like, the only hetalia blog i still follow that still posts. But like.

Okay back in 2018-2019(?) i had a pretty big hetalia phase, i watched hetafacts videos n every episode that was on YouTube, i listened to the music on repeat. It was a major hyperfixation before i knew that i was autistic.

For the longest time after i stopped, engaging with hetalia for some reason i would. Cringe really hard whenever i saw anything hetalia related. Like. On ao3 when you go to search things it tells you how to search things and one i got (and keep getting) is like "hetalia tag:f/f" or something idk how proper ao3 searches work. Id like screenshot it and go to my friends n say "it haunts me" or some shit.

But like recently ive been. Embracing that part of my past? I guess? Like. Almost like coming to terms with it? Idk i started having a less bad reaction n like, realized it probably one of the more normal fandoms i was in. I was, cringe, as all kids are, but i was. Happy.

And then like. At a sleepover a few weeks ago, one thing leads to another and im telling my friend abt the songs and how ich leibe is. Just a recipe, and how i used to listen to almost all of the songs. I show them the clip of France trying to get England to sign a marriage contract, America ordering fucking condoms from Russia.

It has been at least 2 weeks since, and i can feel the hyperfixation coming back, half the music ive been listening too again is hetalia character songs (theyre so fucking good???) and ive been getting. Urges to watch the show and. I dont know how to feel or what to do?? Like. I'm afraid almost to get back into hetalia? Like i watched black butler a while ago, and i realized how. Theres some weird fucking tension between ceil n sebastian n i think im afraid im going to have that same reaction to hetalia?

Cause like there is shit i just completely forgot about. Like. The Bad Touch Trio. And im scared man.

Im sorry to fuckin, give you all of this, but i just. I dont know what to do ig. None of my friends like or used to like hetalia, the one i do info dump hetalia stuff too does not like hetalia and is learning shit about it against their will.

Idk, should i watch the show again? Is it, good? I genuinely can't remember anymore.

Sorry for using ur ask box like a confessional

I mean I’m right there with you man. The sole reason I am still in the Hetalia fandom is because hetalia got me through some real dark chapters and events in my life. I discovered Hetalia years ago in Highschool while with a very abusive ex who had to know everything I was doing at any given time. He wouldn’t let me go anywhere without him there. I tried to break up with him but he actually wouldn’t let me. He would threaten to off himself if I did so I felt bad because his mom was an alcoholic and his houses burned down. I stopped really going anywhere at all because if I did he would come with me and he ruined my relationships with most of my friends just by being ‘the worst’. I stopped cheerleading, I got depression really bad, I started to do terrible in all my classes but I discovered Hetalia while on deviant art and was instantly intrigued. It was like “idk what this is but I will now make it my personality”

Years later while with my most recent abusive Ex that I just broke up with last November I got back into Hetalia when our relationship started to get really bad and hard to cope wit on my own. I needed an escape and something to help me avoid him and no care so much about his insults something that I could think about instead of being sad all the time. Hetalia is something that just brings me joy. Instead of venting to people, getting therapy or increasing my meds Hetalia was just always there to go back to and escape. No idea what it is about it. Won’t go into details about the relationship, it’s irrelevant right now but I’m sure you can guess.

To answer your question, no Hetalia isn’t ‘good’ it makes zero sense and is confusing as hell. But for me it’s fun to use as a spring board for basically any kind of AU I could think up. The characters can fit into any type of situation you want to shove them in.

I would say give it a rewatch, as much as you want anyway. What is the worst that could happen? You continue an interest that brought you joy? Worst case. You are a bit cringe? Who cares if you are cringe if you are happy? Also not encouraging you to live a double life but if you are embarrassed to like Hetalia you don’t actually have to tell anyone how obsessed with it you are. No one but my ex knows how much I like Hetalia and he really has no idea just how deep I am in this shit. But if people knowing about one of your interests humiliates you then just don’t share it. At the end of the day it’s your comfort and it makes you happy it’s no one’s business.

There are a lot of old fandom tropes that have disappears the BTT being one of them. They put them as a group still but I guess they call it ‘bad friends ti’ now. There are still some things that make me side eye. But that’s every fandom I feel. You can choose who you wish to associate with and who you want to block or avoid. It’s your blog you don’t own an explanation to anyone.

Personally I don’t interact much with the people of the fandom itself I got a few people it talk to every now and again but really i just do my own thing. I write my own fics for myself. I got my little tumblr, discord and TikTok, I post about my little AUs and dumb thoughts and continue on. If people want to follow me that’s great, welcome. If they don’t that’s cool to!

Thanks for sticking around with me even after your Interest in Hetalia fizzled out tho haha! That had to be difficult I am very annoying at times I’m sure 😭.

Again worst thing that could happen than if you are a bit cringe. But not being cringe is boring as hell. Irl I’m one of the most normal bitches you could find. Carbon copy white girl. Absolutely no one would guess I were a Hetalia obsessed loser irl. In a line up you could not pick me out and guess my interests. So in February I got my hair done right? I got like. 500 dollar biolage it fades from brown to strawberry blonde. Want to know the reason I got this hair style? Because of Italy that’s why. I wanted red hair like him. Did I tell anyone that? No. When people said they liked my hair and asked me why I went red I would just go “idk just felt like it” but I would be thinking about him knowing the real answer.

Good luck anon, if you stick around welcome back the water is fine. If you don’t can you toss me that life vest up there if you don’t mind? Thank you!

[sardonic-the-writer]

hi,, i sent the ask earlier but i'm off anon this time because i'm less shy when i come bearing a gift :] hope u like it bc i haven't written logan before

You hardly even flinch as you hear a key turning in the lock of your apartment. The door opens and slams shut behind Logan, who doesn’t do much more than nod at you before heading straight to your kitchen. You sigh. You’ve been working on commissions for a while, and you should probably take a break, but abandoning something in the middle like this was hard.

“Stealing your beer.” Logan’s words are soon followed by the hiss-crack of the can opening.

“You think my beer tastes like shit,” you accuse. It had been the subject of quite a few silly, drunk arguments. Logan shrugs, but you can tell he’s hiding a grin as he takes a sip. You turn back to your work, scrolling through what you had already done in an effort to make yourself feel at least a little accomplished. Your hand cramps up slightly and you try to shake it out.

“You working on anything interesting?” Looking over to Logan, he seems to be assessing you a little more than normal. He sets his beer down on the counter. He’s in a pair of grey sweatpants and a white shirt, just as casual as you’d expect from your friend, despite his preference to pretend he wasn’t an absolute disaster most of the time. His fingers snap and your vision focuses as you startle. Right, he asked a question. “Still with me, bub?”

“Sorry, man. Got some commissions so I’ve been working on those. What about you? Seen ‘Pool recently?” You try not to smile as your friend’s lips press into a thin, exasperated line at the mention of Wade Wilson. He clearly deems that question irrelevant as he flops onto the couch next to you. Scritch. Blunt nails drag along his beard. He looks over at your computer and you see him wince at the word count. You huff. It wasn’t that much more than what your usual process churned out.

“How long have you been working again?”

“I never told you the first time.” If he wanted to know, he could at least admit he was curious and not try to pass it off as absentminded forgetfulness. Giving you a flat look, he holds his hand out. You stare at him in confusion. What did he want you to do? “...I don’t know what you wa-”

Bam! With you sufficiently distracted, he closes your computer with his other hand and holds it out of your reach. You scrunch your nose in annoyance. Trying to get it away from him now would only prove embarrassing for the both of you. Still, his immaturity kind of shocked you.

“Really?” Even the flattest tone you can muster doesn’t quite match the best of Logan’s snark, but you can get pretty darn close.

“When was the last time you took a break?” You cross your arms and stare, ignoring the fondness that rises at the fact that your gruff friend is showing this much care. It’s not like you’re the one running around with metal sticking out your hands and fighting people. Logan breaks first, even though he’d never admit it to anyone else. “Where’s your remote?” You shove him up against the arm of the couch with your foot and dig out the remote from in between cushions. He trades your computer for the remote in your hands, and though you open up the device, prepared to keep working, Logan suddenly hovers over a very specific movie.

“Oh, fuck you, man.” You set your computer on the table again, knowing it would otherwise just sit in your lap, forgotten.

“Something wrong, bub?” You roll your eyes, punching his shoulder.

“Just put it on.”

“Darry’s kind of growing on me. But we could always watch something else.” Biting your tongue to stop yourself from saying something embarrassing, you wrench the remote from him and start the movie, shoving at his side when he starts to laugh.

okay, so. going out of character here. i know crazy right. but i think this might be the nicest thing anyone has done for me in a while. and i'm unsure how to process it without looking like or acting like a fool. so i'm going to try and calm down as i analyze it

this is very well written for starters. you establish the characters' dynamics almost immediately, and the dialog is oh so on point. i don't know if you've seen the x-men movies or read the comics, but if you haven't, you have no idea how impressive it is that you managed to write this and get it extremely accurate. logan is so in character it makes me smile.

the setting is also vague while still managing to be comfortable and cozy. descriptions don't take away from the characters, and rather add to the situation that they're in, which is something i struggle with myself in my writing and are very impressed by here. it's brilliant.

also???? fuck you??? outsiders mention???? way to drive me crazy i'm going to jeff the kill myself now. you know what you've done.

[toxifoxx]

I'm new at asking asks so uh um sorry if I'm typing weird anyways wanna explain your au or something or just talk about random facts about your fnaf au? Been staring at your version of william and Henry and just admiring it and wanna know stuff about the sillies ye.

hello anon, thank you very much for the question! :D

to preface this i'll say i do have a few different AUs that all kind of vaguely exist in my mind but i'll presume you wanna hear about my main AU. i like to describe it as "fnaf lore if it didn't suck", i try to stick to canon by keeping major events mostly the same so if you already know fnaf lore you won't be too confused at my AU. i also like to focus more on the tragedy aspects of the lore, so in my writing there's a lot of focus on characters and their emotions, particularly william because i like to psychoanalyze him. but i also want to give more depth to the characters in general and put some spotlight on the missing kids since like… they are barely treated as important in canon and that's kind of sad

putting the rest under the cut cause this post got pretty long (talks about AU features, and a lot about henry and william)

i actually do have a breakdown of some of the key features of my AU! -less sci-fi, more paranormal like old fnaf -willry canon for shits and giggles (past tense)(they are like a divorced couple) -semi-good dad william (until the horrors) -more complex character dynamics, personalities, etc. -relationships expanded upon -more focus on the tragedy aspect -a mildly comprehensive timeline! -transgenderism (william is trans bc i believe it in my heart to be true) -ends at fnaf 6/pizza sim! (UCN is more of like, an epilogue)

if you're curious about my william and henry, i try to base them mostly off the novels! (though novel lore is irrelevant here, since i follow game canon instead, it's still a good basis for their personalities)

so, william is "the normal one", mostly running the business side of things but still a talented inventor and a great entertainer as well. he's silly, he's goofy, he's charming, and he loves the kids! and he loves his family more than anything, even though he's not the most amazing parent! so naturally no one would suspect him to be a murderer. cause underneath all that he's very selfish, willing to go to any lengths to achieve his goals. when CC died he kind of snapped, killing charlie on impulse (but discovering animatronic posession later after observing fredbear and the puppet behaving strangely) thus starting the whole remnant thing. remnant exists still but its more just like a concept than a physical, tangible thing; it's the part of the soul that cannot move on.

and henry is the artist, the recluse who prefers to remain out of the public eye and always seems to be off in another world. he doesn't like talking with people much but i imagine he's very passionate about fredbear's and feels more confident whilst performing as fredbear (like how william does with springbonnie). he's a better dad than william but that's not a super high bar to beat and he unintentionally kind of neglects his kids a lot. which is why the security puppet exists, to keep them safe (didn't quite work. RIP!) i think him and william are actually more similar than either of them would care to admit. henry is a selfish man who'd do anything to achieve his goals too, which is why the murders are covered up and fazbear entertainment keeps going. and also why fnaf 6 happens.

more about charlie's death. it puts a strain on henry and william's relationship, but henry also doesn't want to believe that his partner did it. but i think somewhere in the back of his mind, he absolutely knows. they stick together for a while, but after the missing children's incident henry completely kicks william out of the company. william almost gets convicted, but he's let off since cops couldn't find evidence (henry almost does too but is also let off). and after that william decides to lay low for a while and fuck off to somewhere else. what does he do? shrugs. sister location would happen a while after this and so on and so forth. i could elaborate more if you have any more specific questions!

[justatalkingface]

I'm really sorry if this will sound confused...I think I saw a post of yours talking how MPA wouldn't mind a quirkless as long said person proves to be strong.

You think MPA hates quirkless or mutants? Bc the idea of them not hating a quirkless person(proving said person is useful) is interesting way more than (they want to to kill everoyne who is quirkless)

Also what was their end goal?

Alright, I know what you're talking about. The ask on my Quirkless post has the anon mention, among other things, the MLA... but ultimately, I thought they were irrelevant to the question at hand, so I didn't mention anything about them in the post.

But, well. It's relevant now!

Alright, so. On MLA and the Quirkless, I think to be through I have to say that, while they don't actually care about the Quirkless now, in the newer incarnation, since they're almost extinct and thus are a non-factor, the original MLA probably cared a whole lot, because they were fighting against them.

In the original conception of them MLA and Destro were fighting for Quirk rights against the government who was trying to control them (this is the point where the draconian and honestly kind of nuts Quirk laws come from), and while it doesn't mention it, considering their general... Quirk supremist, militant nature, and the fact his mom was killed by an anti-Quirkist (which, by implication, means they were all Quirkless, even if the term wasn't a thing at that point), I can't really see them not fighting against the normal people.

Interestingly, despite this being a seemingly obvious point for them do, somehow no one ever... says MLA did this? Which is strange. Or, maybe 'strange'. Hmm. I wonder, why would Hori not want to mention something obvious about a topic he stopped talking about years ago?

*judging look intensifies*

But yeah. That's first generation MLA is defined by the Quirk vs Normal political landscape. The second generation is focused around Quirk rights as well, but more focused on the heroes as the extension of the government and symbol of society. I can't really see them thinking about a Quirkless person, but if it ever came up, there's no way they would let on in. Unlike heroics, where it's a question about abilities, and everyone looking at what heroes do and say, 'But, a Quirkless person could do that!', the MLA are fundamentally extremists. Sure, the higher ranks are probably more practical (and hypocritical, and generally power hungry), and they'd be willing to use a Quirkless person if it was relevant, they'd never let someone so fundamentally opposed to the very foundation of their ideals into their organization. Hell, there's a real question if they'd even let them live.

Mutants... actually, that's an interesting thought.

On the face of it, they have Quirks, so of course they'd be fine with them, right? But, when you look at the main MLA members... oddly enough, you find not one mutant in their ranks. In fact, they're the only villains without one in their leadership somewhere (admittedly, I'm a little hand waggly about Chronostasis as a mutant Quirk, but whatever).

I can see a couple of reasons for this: Option One, Hori was tired, and doesn't want to do the extra work making a mutant character. Harsh, but possible. Also boring.

The second option is that, well, the mutants just... aren't strong enough to make it into higher levels of their organization, or versatile, since it is theoretically built around Quirk strength. I... when I think about it, I can't really point out a 'strong' mutant Quirk. Oh, sure, there's decent ones, but, but when compared to the highest end Quirks we see (ignoring AFO and OFA), they're not comparable to people like Endeavour, or Geten, or even Bakugou, they can't match sheer firepower they can offer up. Nor can I really think of a supportive one like Shinso, La Brava or Trumpet. A mutant Quirk will make you stronger than a Plain Jane human, sure, but if your power is 'I'm big and strong and I can survive a car hitting me without major issue', and my power is, 'Fuck you, I vomit lasers'... as long as I don't fuck it up, the odds are going to be in my favor. Mutant Quirks, in that respect, seem inherently limiting on a sheer power level kind of basis, and MLA is exactly the kind of organization to focus on that in a more realistic way than the heroic rankings do.

The third and final option is... well. They're racist. Or Quirkiest? Mutantist? I'm not actually sure we have a term for people who are opposed to mutants... but yeah. They are a modern organization, built from modern people, and anti-mutant sentiment is (theoretically) a thing that is happening in MHA. Quite simply, their biases could be influencing them to not value mutants to their full extent.

Ultimately, that's me just thinking too much on a minor detail, but hey, that's probably why people keep asking me things.

On their end goal... you know how the Quirk laws in MHA don't make sense, for an average person? Why can't a random person use their minor Quirk to help them do something when it doesn't harm anyone or cause disruption?

It's because those laws are set up to restrict Quirk use and try to force everything to be like it was before Quirks, and were created in those earlier times when Quirks were coming in and society was trying to adjust; the powers that be fought against the Quirked, but the realized it was hopeless to stop it, so they changed their tactics. If the government couldn't stop people from being born with powers, and can't take away the powers, it settled on taking away the right to use those powers. The MLA is opposed to that, considering it a basic human right, but they're the crazy radical end of that spectrum, who has skipped over things like, 'reform the laws' and went straight to 'Let's overthrow the government and make a new one!'

Theoretically, they're going to make a new order built around Quirks, where the strong dominate... basiclly, a place where everyone runs off Bakugou-logic. I say theoretically, because, well, you need a lot of people to run a country, and they need skills beyond having a magma fist. Because, you know, there's a reason why the world isn't run off of Bakugou-logic.

In all honesty, I think it would, in an 'ideal' situation for the MLA, where there are no AFOs or OFAs to stop them, end up being more about putting Re-Destro in charge than anything, since I'm not sure what they have, plan wise, for a Quirk based government beyond, 'Powerful Quirks and Freedom, ???, profit!', and I doubt that long term they'd have any stability. Ultimately, grand ideals aside, they're more focused on the 'bring down the government now!' than anything about what happens after that.

[yourlocaldisneyvillain]

Ohhh if you're comforable, can you describe how dating more people has been for you? :)

sure! keep in mind, i'm no expert lol, so don't take my word as the Absolute Law And Truth, this is just my experience. i just do what i wanna do!

calling myself polyamorous is sort of a new thing for me, even though i have always sorta acted polyamorous, if that makes sense. not in the sense that i'd cheat lol, but i'd make it clear that i am seeing other ppl and would take great care to not let it be implied that things are exclusive if i'm seeing someone.

however!! it was always expected that once i "like someone enough" i need to sorta commit and "make it serious" (a term i hate), and that's what i'd always do. i'd just like. pick one. lol. and it felt weird and unnatural and always gave me terrible anxiety, which i thought were like. commitment issues. but i actually don't really have those? like i am very happy to commit, but for me that doesn't include being romantically/sexually exclusive to that one person. i think commitment comes in many forms. i can be there for you, and also be there for others. i don't understand why me having sex with someone else would mean i don't value you. i honestly can't grasp that concept at all, never could.

to get back to "being serious abt someone" i also can't comprehend how me also being with other ppl would mean that i am not serious about someone i'm with. like, i just don't get it, i guess. and i really, really dislike that whole idea of oh, you can fuck around but then monogamy is like The Next Level That Is Expected At Some Point, which is how many of my irl friends view it. they're like yeah yeah, but you will Commit at some point, right?? and i'm like... i'm Already Committed lol, as much as i can be. bc i guess i'm in sorta ldr atm, and they're like oh yeah, so you're now poly bc she's not here so you wanna fuck right. and like.... no lol. i'd be poly even if she were right in this room with me haha. i'm not poly bc i can't control my sexual desire and my pussy would shrivel up and die unless i Fuck Someone Right Now (also it REALLY isn't just abt fucking). if i decided to be monogamous, i would be, no matter where my partner was.

like, i find the way most ppl look at relationships very perplexing, and i just always thought i was weird like that, until recently i was like...... Wait A Minute. i don't have to perform monogamy lol.

i had a gf prior to this realisation. i was in a committed relationship that lasted 3 years that wasn't the healthiest, but We Tried lol. and then after i broke up with her, the idea of being in a monogamous relationship just seemed so... unnatural to me? like, i literally made myself be monogamous. and i didn't mind it! it was a choice i consciously made. i was willing to make that sacrifice for her bc i knew she would be very uncomfortable with me seeing other ppl and i did love her very much. the relationship didn't work out for other reasons that are irrelevant rn.

however what Got Me was that each time i had to consciously decide to be monogamous. and i was like hey wait a min. if i have to Decide this every time, perhaps it's not what's natural to me? if i'm like, oof, okay, now i must Act In This Way! perhaps i should just... stop?? why WOULD i make that sacrifice for anyone if there are ppl out there who will love me as i am? i can just be polyamorous?? idk why that hasn't occurred to me before, i guess just bc i thought no one like... Does That except very Woke ppl lol. and i was like yeah idk if that's realistic for me (???? what does that even mean????).

so yeah, i guess i'm identifying as polyamorous now, even if i always have been! as for how the experience of dating (idk if i would even call anything i do dating, i just vibe with ppl while we vibe lol) more than one person is for me? natural, liberating, normal, non-stressful. i just slipped into it like it was the most natural thing in the world, bc to me, it is. i had zero angst abt it once i allowed myself to just do it. my relationships are healthier, i am happier, i feel at peace, i attract more ppl than ever. i don't have that scarcity mindset like OOF better catch One!!!! unless you wanna Die Alone!!!! thing lol. i would always be like but sadjkhfdashfdsa wdym catch one adskhdsafdshfdhjsjfdhs this is so stressful. like that part is totally gone. i'm so so so happy. i feel loved and i have much loved to give. it feels like it's always been like this.

hope that answers your question!

[lightlycareless]

chapter 32 finally here,,, im so late getting this ask in but this chap HAS been rolling around in my head,, getting chewed on ,,

we got SO much backstory in this one to work with and its SO cute too- like, not only does it work as such a good narrative contrast to the current relationship going on, what with eiichi and minako actually being able to have 1) respectful disagreements over taste 2) REAL playful banter that doesn't end up in some sort of argument or with horrifyingly thick tension 3) most importantly both people want to be there and see more of each other- its also just a very very sweet scene overall

AND it goes on to even show him properly standing up for her, supporting her career, sweet gift exchanges,,, n naoya is just cringing at the end of it. you FOOL. you should be taking NOTES rn

(also y/n met naoya first at the goodwill event,,, that has to have been mentioned before but i blanked on it till now. god. i hope we see that at some point i can only imagine)

y/n i think you SHOULD have just started crying in the store there after the story. just start sobbing. freak him out a little bit. he deserves it

naoya trying to ask genuine questions for once (at least i think he is!! just not,, really coming thru in the tone of voice but hes giving it a go) and just getting. almost entirely ignored. hes TRYING your honor- and what did he BUY?? what is in his pocket i know it cant be a whole record that would not FIT

this whole chapter and the last couple are SO funny bc y/n is (understandably) assuming he's being purposely malicious in ignoring/misunderstanding her and girlie,,, he's just that stupid actually. like he IS an asshole but also? very stupid. he is not getting the signals you are sending and when he does its like a funhouse mirror version his ass does NOT get it!!

"you like sweets?" "how do you know,,," "i figured after you ate a lot of cake at our wedding" "*oh my god,,, he's been watching me so closely,,, hes been stalking me*" GIRL,,, THIS IS THE MOST NORMAL BEHAVIOR HES DISPLAYED. the paranoia (again, understandably) is kicking our ASS rn okay this all makes sense actually rereading the next section like yes. it IS a nice fairly normal gesture of being attentive to what someone likes UNTIL its the last guy on earth you want being aware of you at all EXACTLY

the next few scenes REALLY make the contrast between their and y/n's parents relationship so dramatic bc like i was saying- the banter is just SO different because they do not actually trust each other here. that and its got a very different theme to it- the hiding it under the kimono comment would not have gone well with ANY woman i imagine. "meant it as nothing more than a joke, obviously" NOT OBVIOUSLY MY MAN

and of course,,, the final bit,,, handing the sweets over to naoaki instead,,,, i can not even IMAGINE how chp 33 is gonna start. hes just gonna straight up fall to his knees right there in anguish. pass out maybe. y/n and naoaki having a lighthearted little chat while naoya sobs and dies five feet away. i can't wait. incredible chapter once again

Hello!!

Aww, don't worry! If anything I should be apologizing for being a bit late to reply 😅 stuff happened, but I'm finally here hehe! And overall, I'm super happy this chapter was to your liking, since I love writing backstories... although I'm self conscious from time to time about it because it might be considered boring or irrelevant—and I get it, sometimes we just wanna know what's going on with the main plotline, but at the same time… I’ve been wanting to give certain characters more context. Especially Eiichi and Minako, who hold a special place in my heart. though I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again!! they’re PERFECT, OK?? They’re nothing but loving, caring, understanding and everything in between... and it's my favorite trope of all time!!! I eat that shit up every single time idc it never gets old for me!!!

Ahem.... anyways lol.

The scene that heavily resonated with me of all that occurred in this chapter has to be how Eiichi and Minako were beyond excited to have children... because comparing it to Y/N and Naoya... it's very sad.

If Y/N were to get pregnant somehow, his reaction would certainly be negative. However, there’s a catch with this specific topic which I’ll develop a bit more in the future hehe. But yeah, she's definitely not living her parent's story, not even close.

And same. I’m really disappointed in Naoya’s reaction too, but what did we expect… it’s not like he’s going to suddenly understand the value of this information 😭😭😭😭 Our emotionless little trash bag could never... Ugh, I would be ashamed to even cringe if someone shared me something so intimate… he could’ve at least been a bit more discreet about it 😭 didn’t he get some kind of training in how to behave in these types of situations??? Like from the elders or something??? Since he’s the heir, you know… ??? Guess not.

As for the goodwill event, I’ve only sprinkled mentions here and there :> I think the first one was when Y/N told she saw Naoaki’s technique (same as Naoya’s) in said event, which was coincidentally Naoya’s first event lol. I only remember this cause I recently re-read the chapter where it happens 😂 I’m starting to forget some things… oof. Anyways, Worry not, this moment will be in the story 😊

Omg imagine if she started crying?? I think Naoya would somehow manage to make the situation even worse 😂. Kind of those awkward pats in the back, tell her “if I buy you something will you stop crying?” like she was a child or something lmao—and y/n would definitely be like “Are you serious????”

Overall, Naoya needs to try harder. Waaaay harder. But more than that… he needs to be accountable for the things he’s done—Y/N is not reacting positively to him because he’s just out there acting as if nothing happened! Or if he somehow acknowledged that it did, he still feels like he's blaming her for it, like it's her fault for overreacting to his abuse, and then blaming his brother over it!

Ughhhhhhhhhhhh Naoya needs to wake up, seriously!! I really don’t know what he needs to see or hear to finally understand he’s the problem 😭😭😭😭 And Ranta isn’t of much help either… but maybe he’s doing all that because he knows how he is hahah that he won’t react outside of essentially being compliant to him 😅 being Naoya’s “friend” must be a nightmare.

And with the whole Naoya being attentive to her is reminds me of this meme lol

Just something I noticed while drafting, I tend to use the same phrases when writing their dialogue—it’s kind of sick, isn’t it? I’m tormenting Y/N all ways possible LMAO. (this is actually something I’m very self-conscious about… please forgive me 😭 Also damn I wish I had a FC for Naoaki... I mean I do but I want to reveal that on the character profile hehe)

But yeah, being reminded of that is like... you're already freezing, and someone decides to throw you another bucket of ice. You're like damn???? was that necessary?? She certainly didn't need to be told that he's keeping a closer watch. (Ah... if only the circumstances had been different, I would've been like... oh, how sweet of him) YIKES.

Now that we’re talking about the differences between their relationship towards Eiichi and Minako, it made me wonder how she would take that comment if it had been them instead.

I think Minako would be either like "what are you babbling about?" at first. HOWEVER, if she’s feeling kind of frisky and we know she be like that with him lol, I think she’d say something instead like “There’s something else I’d like under my kimono” and Eiichi would just, yeah. short circuit. 9 months later, Hinata came to be. HAHAHAHAHAH

It’s all in the context really, some couples are more comfortable with certain topics, others are not and the only way to establish that is through communication—unfortunately, even though Naoya and Y/N may be married, they’re not a couple by any means 😭😂. So yeah, that was waaaay out of pocket. I would’ve slapped him if I didn't have to fear for my life immediately afterwards 😭😅😂

As for the next chapter... if he passes out by seeing Naoaki and Y/N… good. It’s what he deserves 😊 Although something else is going to happen that I think will certainly rattle him—oh, whoops. Spoilers. 🤪🤪 (I’m really excited for you to read that chapter jkahgjkajgkaj)

Anyways, thank you so much for coming back for another update!! I know I always tell you this, but I don't think I can ever, ever write down how truly grateful I am to have your support... 🥺❤️ I'm always looking forward to your comments, hehe, they're very motivating, inspiring, sometimes fun to read... overall, I greatly enjoy them—they've certainly made writing this fic more fun ❤️❤️❤️

I hope you have a wonderful rest of the week, take care, and hope to see you soon!!!

[lokislytherin]

hello again it’s me, the One who misses Jaeyeol LOL

thanks for answering my rant ask and i don’t mind if you rant back at me 😂 it feels good, like i’m not just talking to myself in my head but to a friend who feels the same way as i do.

like YES PTJ i love some of the new characters introduced like johan and samuel but with all these new characters added into the story, it’s like the old cast got thrown away (minus zack and vasco etc because they’re always in the mix for some reason, AND NOT JAY ahem i shall rein myself back for some semblance of sanity lol) and i’m like.. why so many characters man? UGH.

ALSO ALSO ALSO what’s with all these middle aged looking characters suddenly entering the scene with a [name] and [age] AND THEY DON’T EVEN LOOK THEIR AGE LIKE

new middle age looking man: blah blah

[name] [16] LIKE BITCH WHAT DO U MEAN THAT GUY’S 16??? HE LOOKS MORE LIKE A 40 TO ME LOL i feel like ptj just gave up making the characters look their age because these ppl definitely do not look 16, 17, etc. or did he even try in the first place? anyway

like this story just became all about gangs at the point where i stopped lol like what happened to his convenience store job (i guess he quit once he entered workers? maybe i missed that part), what happened to the mom visiting every so often (like wouldn’t she worry about her son when he disappeared god knows where?), what happened to attending school during the back end portion? WHERE ARE THE PARENTS/ADULTS? this is like tokyo revengers all over again 😂 idk.. i just wish that it didn’t have to be all about gangs? like i’m fine with the hostel and god dogs portion but after that it’s like i couldn’t give a shit anymore 🥲 and daniel doesn’t even seem like himself anymore 😭 i miss when all he had to care about was making friends, memories and letting his mom live a good life…

i wish ptj just kept it simple with a few gangs, having to keep the secret about having 2 bodies, why crystal has 2 bodies as well, normal school activities/relationships (i keep fantasising about a chapter with them playing some king’s card game where the person who draws the king card can do anything/order anyone to do anything they wanted for a turn like that Baka to Test episode, man that was hilarious LOL like if joy got picked as the king and she would probably have done something to daniel and jay had to step in HAHAHA oop my shipper is showing) and it would have still been a great series. now it feels all muddled 😩

yeah.. oh yes please let me join your prayers circle!!! PTJ U MUST BRING JAY BACK AND GIVE HIM THE ARC AND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT HE DESERVES!!!!!!!!! I WILL NEVER REST UNTIL U DO!!!! 😤😤😤

good timezones anon who misses jay! i'm glad you find these convos fun hehe i only have one single friend who Gets lookism to talk to so this is really nice for me too

new characters: i think one of the reasons why characters like johan and samuel are so popular are bc they have a backstory that's actually fleshed out really well? like even jake and big deal they had like a redemption/backstory arc (personally i like jake more than samuel tho. i want to punch samuel but his tits would probably break my fists) and i think that's why they're liked more than new characters like, for example, ryuhei. personally i think ryuhei is decent looking but idgaf about him yk.

the age thing: YOU'RE SO RIGHT like no way samuel is 19?? no way that bitch is only one year older than me AT MOST. or maybe he's got the daddy energy coz he's tall, is The fanservice character at this point, and has muscles n big booba. still wanna punch him tho. the ogs being 16/17 international age i can believe, and the anime also made them look younger in a way? especially duke i miss that funky lil guy. i hope his music career is going well

all about gangs: i see what you mean but this is also Animanga Logic right. adults are kinda irrelevant if you're the overpowered protagonist but at the same time i get u honestly i feel like jay's own father has more plot relevance than him at this point 💀 jay vs h group arc WHERE. jay and crystal interaction WHERE. their parallel could be so interesting but i'm not getting into that today i'll like. explore it in a fic or something

plot: i think to us it feels like ptj kinda lost sight of the meaning of 'lookism' in relation to the plot, but i'm sure ptj knows where he's going with the plot, and i trust him to give us more good chapters. for now us jay hong stans are gonna have to make content to feed each other

welcome to the jay return arc prayer circle

ptj if you won't give jay the backstory and character development arc he deserves i'll do it myself 😤 i'll catch up to canon and write that jay vs h group arc myself 😤

hope this helped!

[dumbdomb]

come to think of it, i do find it very odd that so many rfems have sent me hate about "being a man," or not to use "femme" but to call myself "fem" instead, bc according to them i'm not a woman. (some wlw people told me that "fem" was for men, so i couldn't use "femme" - even though i'm "not a man"...) but also, by their definition of "female" i'm not a woman, either.

so, not being a "complete female" automatically makes me a man? there isn't really any criteria for the biological sex of males other than not meeting the criteria of a biologically "observable female" sex? this would be claiming that the vast majority of the population is male, only for not meeting the definition of "female." this definition excludes many women who would currently say they are cisgender, intersex, or otherwise not a transgender woman.

the only "significant" sexes are female and male, and any other biological variation would be "irrelevant." people with such natural variations in their hormone levels, external or internal reproductive anatomy, chromosomes, etc. would not be a complete biological female. the assumption that there is an equal standard definition for the male sex is not practiced, relegating many to this category of "male." yet, an "observable female" that doesn't meet the criteria to be considered a "complete female" is not recognized as a biological "male," either.

i saw a post saying something about rfems stating that "women are female people" and everyone responding wildly by asking, incredulously, if women are nothing more than their vulva. but is that not what the proposed definition of who is "female" consists of? bc women, with a vulva, are not "female" if they are "incomplete" and therefore not actually "women" right? and the reason people compare this type of classification of people's bodies with nazism is bc that is essentially what reich agendas entail. it is a very important part of eugenics.

i don't understand how people who are critical of sex-based discrimination against females are not allied with the sex-based discrimination against intersex females? why would "feminists" agree that intersex people are an "irrelevant" category when issues like bodily mutilation, death in womb, and forced sexing or gendering of newborn children (without their parent's knowledge or consent) is "insignificant" to the biological sexes of "female" and "male"? their hatred of patriarchal institutions even makes it difficult to acknowledge sex-based biases and discrimination against males, to have any conversation on how males are not individually a system of oppression but are conditioned to support it the same way patriarchal women are.

i want nothing to do with people who are so full of HATRED for everyone who is not exactly like them, who hate women who are not a "complete or relevant female" like them... and have they all got their blood testsed, chromosomes checked and counted, ultrasounds of their "observable" internal anatomy - or is having a "normal" vulva the only thing that matters to being a "real woman"? bc if so, then why do these people keep sending me so much hate? for having been born with a vulva?! isn't that the very "sex-based discrimination" gc and rfem "females" are against??? seriously...

if it's bc i post consensual kinky ideas about adults with consenting adults, and you're against that, just block my blog!!! i properly tag my posts, and i pay attention to who i rb from - fellow kinksters interested in the same things as i am (which is mostly coy play in the form of cnc - NOT rape play - and nipple play. bc i'm actually quite vanilla, tbh lol). i'm tired of people calling me a misogynist for having sapphic attractions and being queer, or for NOT enjoying misogyny kinks and blocking those that do... it's like no one actually pays any attention to anything, or even cares... if you just don't agree with kinks and erotic sensuality, etc, then why would you spend so much time following my blog and sending me messages? close the page, hit the block button, and if this content isn't suitable to your personal preferences, then you may leave. however, i would recommend using the settings on your blog to filter any tags or keywords you are not comfortable with or want to see. it's not my responsibility to curate content specific to anyone else. if you're seeing posts you don't like, then i'd very much recommend learning how to adjust your settings BEFORE using this site.

[thefauxsport]

dating/not dating aside, i don't understand what's wrong with these men in relationships (ex. JB9) following and liking random girls' pics on ig and even more than that, WHY their partners don't do anything about it and WHY there are ppl, even women, who excuse that behaviour.

like, let's be real, it's totally normal to find other people attractive bc you're in a relationship, you're not blind BUT why would you follow and like pics? like it's not cheating ofc but it's still disrespectful... if you're in a relationship the 'omg she/he is hot' thought should start and end THERE, you shouldn't be doing anything that could lead the other person into thinking that something could happen. i would feel like shit bc not only those girls are drop dead gorgeous and sexy, there is a 99% chance that something could happen bc these men have two things most of these OF/ig models are after: money AND fame, plus they're young and most of the time quite attractive.

and i know that someone is gonna say that that's not joe but his friends but a. it doesn't make sense bc if those guys are so irrelevant that they need his name to get those hot girls i'm sure the girls don't have to sign NDAs so atp some girl would've exposed the whole thing to get her 5 min of fame b. it's even worse bc i'm pretty sure he knows ppl noticed his ig activity and it hasn't stopped, so it means that he doesn't care how embarassing and humiliating it is for her and puts his friends before his long time partner. it doesn't matter how you put it, it's not a nice thing to do (doesn't mean he cheated on her tho)

[calpalsworld]

Not "autistic anon," but also autistic, (being called maybe ableist made me want to put this out there before go to bed) i thought Zane was depicted that way purposefully by the writers. He has stereotypical traits like taking things literally, and has an actual humor switch. The writers have done things with Zane before like have him lose bodily autonomy (during that one Wu's teas short) and did something with his voice be it making him unable to be understood or talking too loud and the forced pirate voice by Jay. (what you're doing isn't too different from that, right?) I thought it was just a little iffy to distort his body and memory bc that could be interpreted as something not that I'm sure what exactly, it's some kind of disability. I dunno. I'm not good with putting this to words. I hope this makes sense.

Sorry I went to bed but now I’m awake 😭

Also I ended up totally spilling all my thoughts here rather than only specifically replying to you please forgive me context: my scary zane concept design, & my ninjago rewrite i refer to a lot 

Im a little confused but I think I get what you're saying? You're saying the Ninjago writers absolutely DON'T write Zane well (you listed examples of this) and you don't want me to fall into the same trap?

I had the opposite logic earlier. I thought: If Ninjago writers made Zane have stereotypical autisitic traits while also being a dehumanized robot, I may as well embrace it, say he is autistic blatantly, while also making him do funny/cool non-human robot things, so its clear as possible the two aspects of his character are literal and separate and not a metaphor for each other. But you're right! I do have a choice and I dont have to embrace things! :)

Like there were a couple ways I was gonna reject the original, for example, I never wanted Zane to have a funny switch, and I hated how other characters could fuck with Zane and he didn't even care 😬. I want to change that stuff. So youre right, if I am changing shit like that, it would be counterproductive for ME to GIVE him MORE traits along that theme. 😬😬😬 I should try to feel less obligated to portray Zane like he originally is. I still like the concept of "scary zane" (for reasons i explain below the cut) but I might tone it down a bit like with the claws and weird proportions and shit. I’d def make him look more skeletal and undead. That was my original intention, but i didnt execute it as good as I could have.... idk if anyone could tell thats what he was supposed to be like...my bad! But rn I dont wanna redesign him I wanna draw other stuff like normal alive Zane. Sorry LMAO 😳. Like I said in some earlier asks I think, I think Im gonna focus rn on how I should portray season 1 normal not dead Zane so thank you and feel free to share any other Zane thoughts ^_^ SOME OTHER THOUGHTS:

Also I Wanna Argue Some Stuff But I Understand its a Weak Argument Since All of This Context was Just In My Brain (so don't take this as an argument, just as me rambling): I don't want messed up things to happen to Zane and for it to just be ignored. I think if Zane is going to have fucked up things happen to him, as all characters must, its best for it to happen during a season where he actually addresses his feelings about being a robot (learning to accept that he will always be himself, regardless if hes "human" or the "original" or whatever. (thats how I always interpreted his emotions)). But I wouldn't have the other Ninja be very phased by Zane's looks because the whole point is they already love who he is (seasons 1-3 were about getting to know Zane) and now Zane himself just has to learn the physical, robot part of him is okay. Its about person-hood rather than humanity. Because the season focuses around Zane's soul, and because he lost his original body, I feel like I could mess around with his current, temporary body and have fun and make it scary. Because that body should be irrelevant. I understand it possibly being upsetting for an autistic character to be designed like this, but other people I talked to see it the opposite way. They find it comforting for him to look so different but still be himself and be so loved. SO IM ABSOLUTELY NOT saying its wrong to be bothered or to hate it or to feel any way. Just that I personally think it would be cool for Zane to be portrayed with a little spice lol, so thats why I like scary Zane for season 4.

Another Thing I Wannna Say But Is REALLY Hypocritical: (this isnt directed at anyone I just REALLY want to say this) I know I say "this is Zane but scary, he looks like fnaf" so he's obviously dehumanized, but I always felt like "scary" is more of an objective fact. Its an instinct. But what's "not human" is subjective. I think there is a problem with saying anything different from "average" human is dehumanized because that could extend to real people. Lol I know its bad for me to compare FNAF-ass Zane to real people, but I mean he could be real. People can have exposed teeth, and people can be shaped weird. And when someone first sees a person who looks like that they'll probably think "woah those features are scary" by instinct. And that surprise doesn't make someone ableist obviously. But bring that person’s humanity into question is NOT an instinct, and is fucked to shit. This is kinda a bad point for me to make since its about the fictional FNAF Zane I drew, and I am NOT implying ANYONE was thinking like this. [especially not the original asker anon who I am totally forgetting about at this point OOPS]. But I just thought it was an opinion of mine I couldn't go without mentioning when talking about dehumanization and disabilities.

^^^ I think you (anon) understand what I mean and might’ve said the exact same thing as me if you were writing a long ass response? I think this because you started to bring physical disabilities up and you said it was "a little iffy." ^_^ So we agree, but I don't see Zane's relation to real life disabilities as "a little iffy" I see it more like "complicated"? IF THAT DIFFERENCE EVEN MAKES ANY SENSE?????? I feel like a lot of things about Zane are really just complicated and need the right context, rather than the concepts necessarily being wrong -- NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT! THATS THE WHOLE REASON I DO THIS STUPID REWRITE! XD thats why a lot of my rewrite SO FAR has been the same concepts and plot beats, but different dialogue n specifics and such. I like a lot of concepts in Ninjago but I dont think they were presented correctly.....! :( So I guess all we can do is wait and see if I make Zane offensive or not....???

Also something about the memory part - yeah i agree i was surprised no one thought that was weird to make jokes out of his memory issues..... BUT I am like 100% firm on making his memory take longer to come back because I think its stupid how quick Zane was able to recover from literally dying. Like its just dumb to me. Hate it. (also bc memory & soul mechanics is ummm kinda important in my rewrite.... for reasons). Another memory thing btw, I was going to make his original amnesia come from hitting his head in an attack against the Skulkin when they stole his dads corpse, rather than his dad fucking choosing to make him forget. (its a sweet & iconic scene, but Um, WHY?!!!?!?!?!?) He has to follow data recovery instructions he finds in his dads diary. I think in that context it makes moments of memory loss somewhat different for Zane's character? Instead of loss of autonomy associated with disability, its a literal violent loss of autonomy associated with being traumatized by physical force. Idk how to phrase it exactly but I think that makes some vibes different?

Sorry, I think I got really distracted, and I don't know if I responded well to your points. Because uhhhh I think I agree with your stance actually? If I understand correctly? Fuck Ninjago writers for making the robot lose autonomy (a stereotypical robot theme) while also making him seem clearly autistic (NOT A HAPPY THEME FOR AUTISTIC PEOPLE) and not addressing it. And also auuugh Zane with a weird body is a difficult topic - kinda sussy pretty iffy.

Lol anyway idk if this made any sense and I REALLY rambled on you. but this was nice 👉👈 more Zane criticism pls love you and i love zane. i hope u dont feel mad at me because then it would be weird that im saying that lol. if you do feel mad at me tho you can send another ask (ILL TRY TO JUST LISTEN NOT RAMBLE NEXT TIME) but assuming ur chill rn, love you thnx

Take this page, don’t mind cole’s ass.

[cantalooprat]

Little Mushroom

What I Liked

Judgment Day

he's just... a tiny little mushroom......

the seemingly casual horror that's only casual on the surface bc an zhe doesn't care. little mushroom nearly got molested, watched the person who saved him die by lu feng's hands, encountered and just narrowly escaped from three occurrences of mass deaths caused by xenogenic invasion, lots of people dying point blank... and yet, it seems as if nothing really important happened, because in an zhe's pov, these things really didn't matter to him. normal mcs would feel panic and fear and want to help---an zhe just wants to find his spore. to him, these events that have a big impact on humanity are more or less irrelevant and it's kind of both messed up and refreshing to read

lu feng gives me big honkai flamechasers vibe, the way he's treated as a "god", the "arbiter", the judge of humanity, how his goal is to preserve humanity but at the same time, "humanity" is never really defined, and that opaque judgement is what causes people to protest. lu feng doesn't defend himself either---it reads almost as if he's resigned to his position and duty, accepting it because it's what he's supposed to do. i hope the next book goes more into his psyche bc that'd be such a wasted potential otherwise.

i love how much of an unintentional unreliable narrator an zhe is, like when he says that he's a law-abiding mushroom but literally the first thing he does is identity theft and infiltrating human society, and how after he re-obtains his spore and then is abt to run away, he decides to stay back and wait for lu feng to come back, and the last two lines of the first book is how the only good thing in the human base is potato soup, but he'll stay bc his spore is attached to lu feng. little mushroom is falling in love and he doesn't even know it /sigh also how come he knows lu feng stole his spore but he doesn't even feel resentment at all? pls? little mushroom?

the way there are so many interesting-seeming side chars n they all Die n an zhe just continues to live on bc hes a mushroom who only wants his spore back, but when it comes to lu feng he decides to stay back

Revelations

HE'S JUST... A TINY LITTLE MUSHROOM...... / C R Y I N G

oh the irony of the trial court, eliminating all infected humans, only for a literal mushroom to be their savior, and for humans to merge with mutated samples anyway

i cried when an zhe died and lu feng was so sad

idk what to say tbh, i just?? man. there r so many things. their love story is just so incredibly subtle, they never said any 'i love you's, they had One Kiss that im not even sure an zhe fully understands, and yet their actions and behaviors after they met were influenced by each other, and it's clear how big an impact they made on the other, how their love had changed them, and it's that sort of wordless love story that really gets me

mb i'll say more things once i'm more coherent, but little mushroom is just so...one of a kind. it's the kind of danmei one can rec to a non-danmei reader

whenever an zhe says to lu feng that he understands, he doesn't hate him, he forgives him, but in the end, what does an zhe understand, really? he's not even human, it's what lu feng says to him---but this is an zhe, who has received kindness from humankind, who despite not fully understanding still chooses to offer himself up in a gamble to "save humanity". and i found that scene particularly beautiful---the contrast of the an zhe and lu feng in the beginning, the mushroom who just wants to find his spore and cares little about anything else, and the arbiter who indiscriminately kills for the sake of "humanity", and them at the end, the mushroom who chose to try to save humanity despite not even being human, and the arbiter who chose to save the infected humans he once would have killed in cold blood. 

lu feng is Absolutely Suppressed Horny and the extras show it and an zhe rly doesn't know what he got himself into

220916 more mushroom thoughts

one of an zhe's most "human" moments is when he knows he's dying and he just... tries to leave lu feng but doesn't want to tell him he's dying because that would make lu feng sad. and that's like. it's such a clumsy way of doing it but that's such a human thing, because that's like the plot base for So Many angst stories, the "i'm terminally ill and i will just quietly disappear because i'd rather you hate me than be sad when i inevitably die" except for an zhe it's "i'm dying and i'll be gone and lu feng might be sad when i go, so i'll tell people that if they ever meet lu feng and he asks where i am, to tell him that i've left of my own will" like that self-sacrificing attitude is just so painfully human, and an zhe himself isn't even fully aware of it

他是审判我的人 and the many implications of its translation; the simplest of which is a mere "he is the one who judges me" (what the official tl goes with) and like, it's just such a powerful line, to have the little mushroom be the judge of the person who is humanity's judge, of the implication behind the meaning of the word "judge" itself in the context of the book and the state of humanity in little mushroom, of the fact that an zhe himself isn't really a "conscious" judge in the sense that he's not human and he doesn't really understand humans, but in some way that actually gives him this objective view untainted of human biases and despite seeing lu feng kill indiscriminately, he can still say that he's a good person. this mushroom, someone lu feng should have killed, someone whose most important thing was stolen from him by lu feng, someone who was "bullied" all the time by lu feng, someone who, by all means, should probably have hated lu feng, is somehow able to form this seemingly objective opinion after observing him, somehow detached from the bias that lu feng stole his spore and constantly did "mean things" to him, and concluded that "lu feng is a good person" and he thinks lu feng should just die so he can eat his flesh and grow on his bones so they could stay together forever and this is why i have many mushroom feelings

What I Disliked

icb the only reason why an zhe passed the genetics test is bc it tests for animal and plant mutation and mushroom... is neither...

i hope they explain how lu feng came to have his 100% accuracy to discern xenogenics, ik op protags r a dime a dozen in danmei but a sound explination would be nice yknow? i do wonder if hes like part xenogenic himself (update he is not, im not even sure if it was ever explained??)

god that extra w hubbard and tang lan where they just flew off a cliff and no one knows what happened to them and dr. ji just assumed they're boning and laying eggs somewhere miss shisi how could u just leave it like that????

Notes

instinctively i was calculating lu feng and an zhe's ages n then i paused n just thought to myself, age gap should be the least of my worries in this ship; first of all an zhe is a mushroom

im totally "cheating" that im writing this halfway through the story but i cant help it!! little mushroom is just so good!!!

i was initially hella skeptical when i first came across little mushroom lmao i was like ? ? ?? ? the mc? is? a literal mushroom????? and its a post-apocalyptic story?? w h a t ? ? ? ? but now im a believer of shisi

i finished this on sep 5, im in tears, how can a MUSHROOM make me Cry

as an unintended side effect, reading little mushroom for some reason enhanced my experience of exploring sumeru in genshin

shisi has a different sort of philosophical writing compared to priest but i like them both very much yes

Quotes

He suddenly said, "You should just die." Lu Feng tightly held his fingers and asked, "Why?" "I'll grow on your body," An Zhe said expressionlessly, "and eat all of your blood, organs, and flesh, then grow on your bones."

Perhaps the day they met was the beginning of the world's most absurd story.

"He is the one who judges me."