#like i have enough. but i also just dont wanna spend money on shit like that rn cuz itll probably bite me in the ass later

[ambersky0319]

guess who didnt realize/forgot others could see their profile on roommate websites and got messaged by someone asking if i was still looking for a room when i dont actually plan on moving until much later this year 🙃

[gigginox]

ok beat mohg. now what

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[orcelito]

the hilarious thing will be if me being back in school actually Improves my productivity with writing. bc i have so goddamn much free time rn, but what am i doing with it? fucking anime and crochet. i really do need to get my ass in gear for cleaning and also writing this reverse bang fic. but really. im probably going to be able to do more writing once im back in school

How, you may ask?

procrastination is a powerful drug.

[binniesbooks]

HI FAYEEE hruuu?!?! Missed requesting fics from u uheheeu. so ermmm i watched the new txt vlog in us and holy shithffj huening got so fucking buffed rn and im legit having a huening brainrot rn😭

Soo if u dont mind, may i request a dom!hueningkai x sub!readerrr

Scenario is reader and hueningkai are only together for a few months. The boys and you went to a bar to drink and the members teased kai for being so obsessed with reader and like a "perv" type? is that what u call it IDK and reader knows kai as a like very shy type boy so its kinda hard to believe. BUT, when they get home, huening snapped and proved that he's not innocent and shit. She didint knew that huening got so strong and buff. (rest is yours to write:))

Idk if this is good enough but feel free to ignore this if u get uncomfortable with my request!!

• SWEET LIES

HK 002 .F22 2024

wc 3k

pairings slightdom!Kai x subfem!reader

warnings safe sex, slight dom heuning kai, choking, oral (f receiving), marking, spanking (+ anything else I missed)

faye's note I didn't actually expect that someone would miss requesting from me??? 😖❤️ Sorry, this took me so long to finish this too ☹️☹️ but yesss! Buff Kai! Fuck fuck fuck 🙂‍↕️

p.s. I just got home again from uni, immediately pulling out my phone to post this lolololol

It had only been five months since you started dating Heuning Kai, and each day felt like a new adventure. His smile was infectious, and his laughter was a melody that lingered long after conversations ended.

He's a sweet guy, not so shy but not so laid back. In public, he was charming, the boy-next-door type who could melt your heart with just a glance. To anyone else, including you, he seemed innocent—perhaps even a little shy.

"Kai, do you mind going with me to the grocery store after class? I've run out of stocks." You leaned a bit, whispering to your seatmate—Kai, your boyfriend.

Kai glanced back at you, giving you a reassuring smile.

"Sure, let's go later," he said, patting your head.

Eyes were always watching you. Inside the school premises, on your morning walks, in the grocery—anywhere.

You could only smile to yourself, because who wouldn't? Kai, the famous and versatile band member of your campus, started dating you. He is known to be shy among others, therefore people were shocked to see you two dating.

You held his hand, walking side by side, squeezing it thrice, silently signaling the "I love you" unknown to him.

Kai pays for your groceries most of the time. He never lets you spend a single cent, even when you insist. Therefore to at least give back to him, you often visit him with groceries and gifts too. Because even though you're independent, you feel bad that he was the only one who was spending money.

Your take on dating? 50-50.

But these days, Kai started giving you expensive gifts. He has been giving you perfumes, jewelry, clothes—anything that costs a fortune because of its brand name.

Kai is a sweet boy. The sweet and gentle type of boyfriend. Takes you on cute picnic dates to entertaining arcade ones. Kisses the top of your head, and your forehead, and intertwines your fingers. Sings a song for you, serenading you when you're sulky. --- you couldn't ask for more.

So when he invited you to one of his friends's parties, you gladly obliged.

"Y/n, do you wanna go with me to the party tomorrow night? I also want my hyungs to see you in person," he asked on one of your usual Friday movie nights.

"Mhm! Sure!" Of course, you're more than happy to go with him. Your heart flutters with the thought that he will finally introduce you to his friends.

"Kai, do you wanna change places tonight? I'll sleep on the couch, take the bed," you suggested. It is because even though Kai sleeps at your place, he never sleeps beside you. He always takes the couch. It's not like he doesn't want to, he just thought that you might not like it. But you, on the other hand, think that your boyfriend is just too pure and cute, so you never ask him to sleep beside you.

"No, no! I'm okay here on the couch. Please take the bed." Kai mutters as he pulls you closer, hugging you tight and planting a soft kiss on your forehead.

"Are you sure? You can take the bed tonight. I don't mind."

"No, you take it. And have a good rest, pumpkin. I don't want you to have a sore body when you wake up the next morning," he says.

"'M'kay..." you muttered.

"I love you, pumpkin," he whispers.

"I love you, Kai." You pulled away and stared at him for a while. Kai's gaze drops down to your lips as he gulps. It didn't escape your sight, you felt your heart thump a little harder. Is it bad that you want to kiss him too?

He quickly averts his gaze, pulling the pillow towards his body. "Goodnight, pretty. Sleep tight, yeah?" He smiled at you as he laid down on the couch. He watched you trudge towards your bedroom, grunting when he heard the soft thud of the wooden door.

Kai drapes his arm over his eyes, gently shoving another pillow on his lower half.

The atmosphere was electric when you arrived at the bar the next night. The dimly lit space echoed with laughter and music, a vibrant backdrop to the chaotic energy of his friends.

You felt a thrill in your chest, happy to be part of his world, to finally meet his friends. "Hyung, this is y/n, my girlfriend." Kai proudly introduced you to his friends.

You waved your hand and meekly muttered a soft hi.

"Are you sure about Kai?" one of them asked with a playful tone. He's tall, but among the five of them, you can tell he's the shortest.

"Hyunggg!" Kai pouts.

"Hey, don't be like that!" A tall and fair-skinned guy chimes. "My name is Soobin, you can just call me Bin. Nice to meet you," he added as he reached out his hand.

You smiled at him and shook his hand. "This guy is Taehyun, don't mind his comments, you won't predict anything that comes out of his mouth," Soobin chuckles, emitting laughter from the other.

"Hi pretty, I'm Yeonjun, you can call me Jjun." You might be a little judgmental, but you think he's a womanizer. Just by how he winks at you—not to mention his wink isn't perfect, both eyelids closing—and also with the aura he's giving off.

"I know what you're thinking. Yeonjun Hyung is really a womanizer," the long-haired guy cackled, receiving some scolding stare and a swat on the shoulder from the Yeonjun guy.

You sweetly smiled at them as Kai pulled you closer to himself and planted a kiss on your temple. His hand almost squeezes your side as he stays silent with only a smile plastered on his face.

"Oww!" The long-haired guy dramatically cries, making you smile. His group of friends are really different from each other, yet there's something that makes them similar.

"I'm Beomgyu, by the way," he finally adds.

"Nice to meet you guys."

As the night wore on, stories poured out—a mix of warmth, and playful banter, and teasing.

“He’s so cute, isn’t he? ”One of his friends, Taehyun, said teasingly, nudging you with a grin. You nodded enthusiastically, believing in the simplicity of your love, as you glanced at Kai who has been laughing with Beomgyu. You haven't seen this side of him yet, and it makes your heart swell. He looks so comfortable with the other boys to the point that he laughs to his heart's content.

Yet as they sipped their drinks, the tone shifted slightly. “But you know he has a possessive side, right?”Soobin, with a playful wink, chimed in. The words sent a flicker of confusion through you. You couldn’t imagine Kai being anything but sweet and loving.

“No way, you guys are just kidding! He's actually gentle,” you laughed, waving the comments away. Kai caught your gaze and smiled, his boyish charm pulling at your heartstrings.

"See?" you motioned, the two older guys shrugging with a wide grin.

The night continued, filled with games and laughter, but the whispers about his “other side” lingered in the back of your mind.

You returned home, feeling conflicted but convinced of your own truth.

Once inside your apartment, you were greeted by the comforting silence of solitude. But the peace was short-lived. Just as you began to relax, you heard the familiar sound of footsteps behind you. It was Kai, his presence instantly filling the space with warmth. The guys actually insisted Kai to escort you home as you were already tipsy.

“Hey, I'll be on the couch, okay? Just tell me if you need anything,” he said softly, stepping closer. The way he looked at you made your heart race, but memories of the night still gnawed at your thoughts.

“I had a great time tonight!” You said, forcing a bright smile. “Your friends are… different.”

His eyes sparkled with mischief. “Different? How?”

You hesitated, weighing how to voice what was bothering you. But the flicker of darkness in his gaze made you reconsider. “They just said you have a possessive side.”

His expression shifted, a smirk playing on his lips. “Oh, did they?” He mused, stepping even closer until your back met the wall, the playful tension rising between you.

"But I told them you're just... cute... and gentle... aren't you?" Your fingers fiddled on the silver necklace dangling on his chest.

Yet he moved faster than you could comprehend. With a swift motion, he wrapped his arms around your waist, lifting you slightly off the ground, making you sit on the drawer just beside your bedroom door, as he pressed against you. There was an intensity in his eyes that sent shivers down your spine.

“Let me show you what they mean,” he whispered, a low tone that sent your thoughts spinning. In that moment, the innocence you had associated with him faded into a sultry gaze that spoke volumes.

You wanted to protest, to argue that he was cute, sweet Kai. But as his lips crashed onto yours, all coherent thoughts vanished. Every ounce of confidence you had melted away, and you felt the heat pooling between you, igniting an undeniable spark.

"K-kai..." is the only thing you were able to whisper when he pulled away for a while and lips came back crashing against yours once again. You tugged at his shirt, making sure to keep yourself grounded from everything that's happening. His kisses traveled down your neck, his hands wrapping around your back, slowly unzipping your dress.

"K-kai, please..." Kai felt his cock throbbed from your strained begging voice.

It stirred something inside him. He gently pulled down the flimsy clothing that barely covered your thighs earlier, discarding it on the floor, and leaving you in your bra and panties.

Your hands quickly flew, covering your chest as you turned beet red when he stepped back a little to admire your naked figure. His gaze felt like a black hole sucking you in. "Don't let Yeonjun hyung go anywhere near you, hm?" he warns, his hand reaching out to your face, gently brushing your cheek. "I know him too well."

And it sinks in. The question of why Kai pulled you closer to himself earlier and why he was almost squeezing your side has now been answered. You nodded, your eyes looking for praise from him. And then he moves back closer to you, prying your hands off your chest as he lifts you up and marches his way to your bedroom.

"I'm giving you the chance to stop me right now, pumpkin. I don't want our relationship to go to waste just because of a drunken mistake," he sighs, his huge figure hovering above you.

You shook your head, which made Kai shut his eyes. It seems like he was trying to calm himself.

"Pumpkin-"

"Don't stop, Kai. I need you... Please..." you whined, biting down on your lower lip. It was Kai's last straw—you begging.

He moved with such dominance, guiding the pace and intensity of the moment, the way he manhandled you filled you with a mix of excitement and exhilaration. You were at his mercy, and instead of fear, an overwhelming sense of trust washed over you.

He pulls away, "You're not gonna regret this?" he asked while removing his shirt.

It's not a secret that Kai has a big body build, given that he has a huge frame. But you're not expecting this from him, the guy in front of you is so buff that you almost refuse to believe he's Kai.

He chuckled when he saw your reaction. "Should I pick your jaw from the floor, pumpkin?"

Kai slides his hand under your head before he grabs your hand and lets you touch his firm chest. "Last chance to answer. Are you sure about this?"

"Please Kai. I've been wanting to touch you. To kiss you. To make love with you." Your eyes are glossy from how happy you are. No doubt, he's really a loving and caring boyfriend.

This time, you pulled him, kissing him in the most gentle, loving, and emotional way. His soft lips felt like a cloud on yours. His warm tongue ignites a pit of fire in your stomach. His teeth biting and grazing your lips made you reeling. He pulled away with a string of saliva hanging.

He tucks your hair behind your ear, planting another soft kiss on your forehead. However, you could feel the possessiveness he’d hinted at—the way he claimed you as his, how he sought to leave his marks on your neck and chest. You were a hundred percent sure it would leave marks for a couple of days.

He was a force, the kind of passionate energy you never knew you craved. His touches were both gentle and commanding, and soon you surrendered to the pleasure, allowing him to take control. You don't mind his dominance, right? If anything, you loved it—submitting to your buff boyfriend who's taking the lead.

Your soft mewls and moans made his cock throb once again. And it looks like he's not leaving any part of your body taken for granted.

Your lips were swollen from his kisses. Neck and shoulders littered with hickeys. The soft skin of your arm is filled with love bites. Your mounds slicked with his saliva. Your waist was marked by the tight grip of his hand. Your ass cheeks are red with his spanking. Your plush thighs were marked with how his fingernails dug at your skin. Your gummy walls are clenching on his tongue.

"Kai... K-kai... Hah.. ahh..." You're spent. Yet you're loving how his slimy tongue explored your insides. You gripped his hair, and your soft sobs of pleasure resonated within the enclosure of your room.

He carefully pulled away, licking his lips as he locked his gaze with you. "Wanna know, I don't want to share the same bed with you, pumpkin? Why don't I want to use your room?" Kai tilted his head sideways with a grin.

"W-why?" you pant.

"I can't let you hear me when I touch myself at night. I can't let you see me fuck my fist imagining it's yours. I can't sleep in your room or else I might end up cumming and soiling your bed," he chuckled, his eyes full of desire.

"Kai," you whimpered at the thought as you closed your eyes, imagining everything he just confessed.

"Maybe my friends were right after all, hm?" His fingers started prodding on your entrance. "Maybe I wasn't as innocent as you think, pumpkin. I'm sorry," he mutters, slowly pushing his digits in.

"F-fuck ahh... H-hah, Kai!" You held his wrist as you let out whiny moans. His tongue already made you see a glimpse of heaven. His fingers would totally let you fully see what heaven looks like. Your hand flew to your mouth to muffle your moans until you ended up cumming on his fingers without warning.

Too embarrassed, you covered your eyes as you saw his glistening fingers. Sticky and wet at the same time. You heard him let out a soft chuckle before a moan came from him.

You quickly open your eyes, only to him deliciously sucking his fingers with his eyes closed.

"K-kai that's dirty!" You quickly got up to stop him, but he only pulled your thighs and raised them up. Your ass now lifted from the bed as your back was gently bent. He dipped his head down on your sopping cunt as he slurped on your dripping cunt.

It felt dirty. Nasty, even. Yet Kai seems to enjoy eating you out. His eyes filled with lust when he opened them, looking at you as if you were his prey.

"D-do you mind if I p-put it on you?" you stuttered, suggesting to put the condom on him for him.

Kai hums. You quickly reached above, frantically pulling the drawers to grab the pack of condoms you bought three months ago, thinking you were gonna get laid.

He pulled his pants off, his girthy cock slapping on his abdomen, tip leaking from pre-cum.

Kai winces when you slowly roll the condom on his hard cock. The red tip looked as if it was gonna burst anytime. His hand clamped on his mouth as he watched you wrap him up, muffling any noise.

Kai sat on the bed, leaning on the headboard just beside you. "Take a seat," he motioned, tapping his lap.

As a good girlfriend, you gladly obliged. Straddling him and lifting your waist, sinking slowly on his erect cock.

Kai threw his head back, grunting at the tight feeling, gripping your waist and landing a spank on your still red ass. Yelping in pleasure, you forced all the way down, letting him fill your insides with his thickness. You buried your face on his neck as he rubbed your back, cooing at you.

"You're so good to me, baby, so good," he whispers.

He lets you feel the stretch for a little while before slowly bucking his hips up, thrusting agonizingly slow in you. His thrusts start slow and gradually add force and speed.

"Am I still innocent, pumpkin?" He asked as he pushed you away from his body, wrapping his hand around your neck, lightly squeezing it.

"Still your innocent and gentle Kai? Hm?" he taunts, even if you can't form any words to say.

Your mouth hangs open, gasping for air as he tightens his grip on your neck. You tried keeping your body still, holding on both of his shoulders.

"Fuck, you're sexy, h-hah..." he grunts. Your mind is hazy with his words and actions. It felt too much, that you started drooling.

"K-kai... B-baby..." Your words aren't almost heard as you were gasping for air.

"Let's do this often, yeah?" Kai suggested as he rams his cock inside your gummy walls.

@binniesbooks 2024

[prettyboykatsuki]

what is your skull cavern strat? i feel like i spend way too long in there to ever really get enough loot (i’ve already done the related quests i just wanna get perfection already 😭😭)

okay im gonna try to sum it up in key points so its easy 2 follow.

you need to go on highest luck days only.

you need your axe to be upgraded, at MINIMUM, gold. but you shouldnt be using it often though but if you do need to use it - it needs to be fast.

you need to bring bombs and you need to bring a good weapon. if you dont have the galaxy sword, spend the 25k gold and get the lava katana from the adventurers guild

YOU ABSOLUTELY NEED TO BRING FOOD. i think this is obvious but not just food, drinks too. goldstar cheese or salads from gus are preferred.

your main stats are +luck and +speed. you can only have one food buff active at a time, but you can get buffs from drinks. my combo is the spicy eel (available at dessert trader in exchange for rubies) and a triple shot espresso (takes three coffees to make) but you can do things like a lucky lunch, a pumpkin soup, a ginger ale etc

personally though i think spicy eel and triple espresso work best and they're pretty easy to get up to this point in the game.

you need to get there as EARLY as you possible can. im talking you need to forfeit your day plans and drop everything to go do a run. the desert trader has warp totems for calico desert in exchange for omnigeodes, buy them BEFORE your plan to run- they are always available.

(you'll also want a warp totem for the farm so you can pass out closer to home. you could pass out in there but the former is easier for me lol)

as for strat itself - the key thing in the skull caverns is that you're trying to get as far down as you can possibly go.

now, there are some ways to do this to circumvent having to find shafts and holes to jump in. specifically - people make sheds of crystalarium with jades to trade for staircases at the desert trader. but this takes sooooo much fucking set up lmao so i dont often bother with it. if you want to get down quickly in one go, its a good method but it takes a long time to get up and running.

but you can get pretty far down if you just focus on getting down as far as possible. don't clear floors unless you're really really low already. if there's a spot with a shit ton of ore thats easy to blow up, then you can stop and do it then but for the most part time is money.

it seems counterintuitive but you will accumulate a lot of stuff simply breaking rocks with bombs and picking them up while you get down. it is not like the normal mines so its best to just ignore any ore that would take up a lot of time.

so the strat is place a bomb, find a ladder or shaft, jump in and repeat. stop to get easy ore but focus on going down. always take shafts over ladders and make sure to heal up because you do take fall damage.

also if you're struggling to find a ladder, try killing mobs. it is much, much more lucrative to do it in skull caverns and the drops are extremely good depending on the monster.

also keep in mind that time runs about 25 percent slower in the caverns compared to a normal day so try not to stress too much.

its pretty easy to have a good run if you just keep all of this in mind. the hardest thing imo is getting bombs

personally i don't like buying them so i usually just craft them but if you buy them it gets costly fast. you can always replenish your reserve for ore but money can be tricky. thats just me.

ANYWAYS. GOOD LUCK 🫡🫡

[chososbabymama]

𝒫𝓁𝓊𝑔!𝐵𝒻𝒮𝓊𝑔𝓊𝓇𝓊♧~~~~

personal headcannons bc plug suguru puts me in H E A T ! ! ! :)

PlugBf!Suguru who gives you free flower. Has the BIGGEST pout on his face when he finds out you bought from other people before y'all got together. 'It doesn't matter if I met you 7 months later y/n, it's the principality of it!'

PlugBf!Suguru who buys you anything you need. You want a new bong? He buys you a pretty heart shaped piece w/ a bowl crafted into the shape of a rose. You needed a grinder cuz yours squeaked? He bought you an electrical one. You burnt a nail tryna light the blunt? He cashapps you $250 to get a refill.

PlugBf!Suguru who plugged you for the first time after you got his # from Shoko, there was something about you that made him so fuckin nervous that he accidentally gave you 3gs more than you asked for (you only wanted an 8th).

PlugBf!Suguru who is your self-proclaimed #1 fan. Reposts all your IG photos, shares your TikToks, he even got one of those lighter clips that attach to his pants and keeps a light w/ your face on it w/ him 25/8.

PlugBf!Suguru who pearls the blunt in a way that makes your stomach tight and your thighs clench.

PlugBf!Suguru who shuts down anyone who tries to flirt w/ him during a deal, 'no i dont wanna smoke a blunt with you, get out my car before i call my wife and have her show you whats good' Satoru lets out the ugliest laugh EVERY time.

PlugBf!Suguru who taught you everything you need to know; how to roll, how to scale, how to tell if the flower is synthetic, etc.

PlugBf!Suguru who has to go out of town sometimes to make drops so he leaves you with enough money and flower to keep you comfortable. If you needed anymore he'd send you however much you needed and make toji bring you a bag. If you buy from someone else while he's gone he'll catch such an attitude (big baby will still roll your blunts but he'll FS talk shit while he do it 'you wanna buy from other people? that's cool... why don't you break off my fingers and tell me to go fUCK myself while you're at it huh?')

PlugBf!Suguru who buys you the prettiest gold anklet with an 'S' to match his gold chain that has your initial on it. He got it for you when he first got in the game, saying it was 'only the beginning.' Since then Suguru has spoiled you in ways you'd never dreamed of, but that anklet? That anklet meant more to you than anything else.

PlugBf!Suguru who has sooooo many tattoos dedicated to you. He gets them on special occasions (anniversary, birthdays, holidays, etc. any reason he can find he'll do it). He has your anniversary on his ring finger, your lipstick on his lower back, scratch marks on one side of his back, and a bouquet of your favorite flowers right above his heart. With each one he shows you, you fall deeper in love.

PlugBf!Suguru who also makes a lot w/ his tattoo shop. People travel from across the country to get tatted by him. He's not just your only plug but your only tattoo artist as well. He'd had an extensive portfolio with a plethora of darkskin clients who had a hard time finding artists like you had. Suguru doesn't even consider people like that artists and refuses to work with people who can't tattoo dark skin. When asked why his response is always the same, 'why would I want to work with talentless losers who's terrible character is reflected in their subpar work? I could spend my time doing better shit like... smokin a blunt.'

PlugBf!Suguru who drops the blunt in shock when he learns you're Kento's cousin. Bloodshot eyes widen in shock when he's lookin at old family photos you brought out, completely ignoring the ember burning a hole into the rugs you JUST bought. ('whaT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T THINK IT WAS RELEVANT? I had a thing for you for fuckin WEEKS before I asked you out and that bastard knew-!')

PlugBf!Suguru who knew from the moment he met you, that you were someone to be loved, cherished, and desired. And he would stop at nothing to prove how dedicated he is to making you feel as special as he knows you are.

[orionsangel86]

Yo so never let anyone police or guilt trip you when it comes to how you spend your own hard earned cash.

Do what you want with your money. No seriously. Sure there are more morally correct ways to spend your cash, just as there are morally repugnant ways to spend it. But the point is its YOURS so you can do what you like with it.

Don't let self righteous people on tumblr tell you you are a bad person for not giving every penny you own to charity, or for daring to buy fast fashion rather than ethically sourced clothing, for shopping at Amazon Prime instead of small businesses. For wanting to purchase CRABS on tumblr for the fun of it on a dedicated fun day for crabs.

Remember how in the Good Place literally everyone was going to Hell because they lost "good points" even by just buying tomatos? We can't win. The world is fucked up. As much as "every little helps" its also a drop in the ocean of fuckery caused by the 1% at the top. So live your lives, and if you wanna buy fucking crabs buy the fucking crabs. Give money to this website to keep it running if thats what you want to do, or don't, if you dont want to. Your money. You choose how to spend it.

Enough with the stupid discourse now. Do whatever you want always.

I'm probably gonna buy some dumb crabs. If you have a problem with my buying dumb crabs, block me. I really dont give a shit.

[fatuismooches]

FUCK I TOTALLY FORGOT TO SEND YOU AN ASK ABOUT THE FIC... i just got hit full force but like 89831 different fucking projects all at once MY BAD POOKIE BUT UGHHHHHHH oh my god.... part 2??? yes.. all of it is soooo YESS

YESS you visualized everything what you've been talking about how reader would react when they first wake up after centuries and honestly hella realistic EVEN THOUGH I JUST WANNA HOLD READER AND KISS THEIR FOREHEAD 😭😭😭

reader interacting with the segments has my HEARTTT oh my god.. especially omega.. he's SUCH A DEVIOUS MOTHERFUCKEGUJK,,, also reader naming the segments UGHHH i adore that idea so much pleaseee ,, i love how the segments who didn't give a shit suddenly changed their minds when reader said they wanna give them names... THE SWITCH UP AND THE IMMEDIATE DENIAL...

READER MEETING BABY ZANDY ,,, FUCKINGG hell got me sooo soft i wanna hold baby zandy and treat him soo nicely 🥹🥹

ALSO YESS omgg,,, this part has me sooo fucking soft like reader making friends??? with the other harbingers??? i love it... omg they'd be such good besties with columbina,, i think pantalone helps reader adjust to present time as well, especially with it comes with money or the economy (if you ever ask him about it)

but oh.... to top it all off nicely, you gotta sneak in some subtle angst!!! smh... (im so proud of you tho!! like yasss sis feed me sad shit >:333) poor scara and reader :( i think they would've gotten along if reader wasn't dottore's lover n' scara wasn't dottore's experiment ,,,

ALL IN ALL. fuck you pookie im not excited for the next two parts (im kidding I AM IM JUST... NOT READY... pleas epost it next year so i'll be ready enough thank you /jjj) NO SERIOUSLY THIS TIME,, THIS WAS SOOO GOOOD and i love it so much, really popped off honestly (evil laughs because it's dottore)... like im soo happy to see how much you've grown esp thru writing !!!

have a good day pookie, im going back to my grave where i died for the next few days 💗💗

ALSO I WAS GONNA SEND IN ANOTHER DOTTORE IDEA but i fucking forgot again. FUCKS SAKE i hate not writing shit down...

POOKS DONT EVEN WORRY!! Just make sure to take care of yourself ok?? School can really be an ass i understand-

BUT OMG GRENFRG AHHH YOU'RE MAKING ME SMILE TOO MUCH POOKIE AHHWQ I'm so happy you liked it 🥺 BUT NGL I WANNA GIVE READER THE BIGGEST HUG TOO 😭 i put them through too much don't i 😭 dw they will be getting Dottore comfort next chapter!!

Bro i love writing Omega as a devious mf so much 😭 IM SO GLAD U LIKED THAT PART BC I WAS GIGGLING TO MYSELF ABT HOW THEY DGAF ABT THINGS BUT THEN SUDDENLY THEYRE INTERESTED WHEN UR A PART OF IT

AND YESSSS READER MAKING FRIENDS RAHHHH that part was probably really long for a Dottore fic but. i feel like having friends is so important and fragile reader really deserve some niceness in their lives 🥺 AND OMG NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT. Fragile reader would be freaking blown away from inflation. i don't know how prices were four hundred years ago but they would probably be shocked to their core when they see how much expensive things are now?? imagine fragile reader trying to stop Dottore from buying things for them because of how expensive things are now, and they're having flashbacks to being a broke Akademiya student 😭 And Dottore is just honestly finding it amusing to see you freak out and beg him to save his money (it's okay, he's a Harbinger he's loaded) (as long as he's not spending it on experiments)

BUT YEAH MAYBE IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE... reader and Scara could have been friends :( we'll never know... but yasss i will continue to feed you sad shit >:) hehe I CANT WAIT TO POST THE FINAL PART!! ngl the ending of the fic was like. the first thing i wrote for it because it hit me and i was like i CANT forget this. im telling you pookie its gonna be pretty juicy. BUT THANK YOU YOU'RE BEING SO KIND AHHH it's really sweet of you. thank you for being here for so long in my writing journey (and my descent into Dottore madness) ily 🥺

[trickstarbrave]

conservatives are STILL pushing the "well if you dont like living in [x] place then LEAVE! its super easy to move all you need is a JOB and to SAVE MONEY. cancel your subscriptions and actually SAVE MONEY"

it actually isnt fucking easy to just up and move anymore. i would know. i recently moved across the country. i was lucky to have a remote job that let me move. most other people dont have that luxury where a job refuses to operate in the state they want to move to or they insist on being a fucking "hybrid model" (meaning you are basically remote but they want to have you on standby to come into the office for any god forsaken reason they make up on the fly, even if they never call you in you deciding to not be within a certain limit of the office means you are no longer fulfilling your job requirements and they can fire you)

"oh well just get a job at the new place!! many companies will pay for you to move!!!" in what fucking world is this still the norm. really. my wife worked for a very nice hospital and spent MONTHS up to our move looking for new jobs in our new location. none of them would even consider an interview until he was in the state. NONE. none of them wanted to bother as they were either not rly looking for someone to fill that position that seriously, or could ask someone that was there right now for an in person interview and to start right away. even the couple of months leading up to it none of them really bothered because GETTING A JOB IS ANNOYING HARD RIGHT NOW. have you tried looking for a job lately? you will apply to hundreds and get maybe 1-4 fucking interviews only for them to tell you they don't want you. if you are nice enough to get a rejection email in the first place.

"well then save up money and move and look for a job then!" MANY APARTMENTS WILL NOT LET YOU SIGN A LEASE UNTIL YOU CAN PROVE YOU HAVE AN INCOME. period. they will not let you. it doesn't matter if you have fucking 20k saved up. they dont know and dont care. what they want is proof that you have a job nearby, will keep this job, and be making a certain amount of money per month so they can ensure you can pay rent on time. and they wanna KNOW. it used to be many places just ask for credit score and shit because making enough to pay rent was the norm and assumed you wouldn't live in a place if you couldnt pay rent. but now they make sure you are making 3 times the fucking rent because oh yeah the economy is shit right now. its expensive to fucking evict people too and a massive legal hassle and during the lockdown there was a pause on evictions and landlords not getting fucking paid so they have made it everyone else's problem

so no. you cannot save up money to get an apartment and just look for a job then. i know that is how it was 10-20 years ago. it would make sense that it would continue to be the case. but its not anymore because we live in hell. you need to have a job before you can rent a place. you can't get a job UNTIL you are renting a place either. meaning you have to find someone else in the area you want to move to to bum off of for potentially several months, AND you have to save up the money to actually do so. it can be cheap if you just wanna get a greyhound and have no pets and have only like a suitcase for your belongings. or it can be as expensive as several thousand to ship it. or you can spend, depending on distance, a good several hundred dollars to rent and drive a uhaul across several states or potentially the country, staying in hotels when you can or sleeping in the truck or something depending on weather (miserable). "just sell all your belongings" isn't really a good, sensible solution because god fucking dammit some people own clothes and mementos or have pets or computers. some people dont wanna just sit in an apartment with no furniture for months, potentially years on end while they save up to have a fucking chair and mattress (because FURNITURE ALSO COSTS MONEY TO REPLACE!!!!!!!)

you do not have someone to move in with in the new location? too bad. you arent moving there. you have to wait and get lucky that the opportunity presents itself another way while you try to save money (AND SAVING MONEY SUCKS BC THE PRICE OF FOOD AND RENT IS OUTRAGEROUS) or you move there anyways and decide to be homeless.

[razzdrgn]

ok it's time for razz recipes get ready for some cooking momence

i have an eviction trial in 2 weeks so im gonna teach you how to make extremely cheap recipes with as few ingredients as possible because i have no money to spend and enough mental disorders to make me love cooking but hate the amount of work that goes into it

todays recipe is: flatbread, probably of the mediterranean variety but i dont know actual recipes i legit just made this shit up after watching the bdg zelda recipes video

all you need is:

flour

water

a pan

and thats it. Its that easy

theres more you can use to make it better tho and ill bring those up as they come up but ill do the whole cooking instructions thing under this readmore

okay so. flatbread

i think its also called like. unleavened? but i dont really know what that means and im still confused after looking it up so im just callin it flatbread because it is bread that is flat

step one is to pour some flour in a bowl. i recommend about 1 cup, but i never really measure and do it by eye/feel so you can add more or less if you want.

first optional thing to talk about briefly before the recipe really starts is salt. i highly highly highly recommend adding salt to this, because it allows the bread to actually have. yknow. flavor. and not suck. but ive made this without salt and its also good so like, do whatever u want

you can also add other spices if you want flavoring like that. ive had success with garlic powder and red pepper flakes, but honestly cookijg is most tun when ur just wingin it so throw whatever spices you like in and see how it turns out

so once all ur dry stuff is in the bowl, you should gently mix/whisk it together. i usually use a fork or knife for this since flour sticks to shit a lot and the smaller surface it has the less its gonna stick. plus with a fork it helps get things in evenly really quickly.

once everythings in and mixed is when you add your water. id say like, roughly 1/3 to 3/8ths of a cup is fine, or adjusted for how much flour you have, you really do not need much, just enough that everything comes together. if you add enough that its a bit of a shaggy but congealed mass, you can turn it out onto a work surface and knead it/fold it a little to make it thicker. i didnt like it when i did this because of texture things so i like to add just enough extra for it to be a bit of a goop.

once you got your "dough" make sure your pan is on the stove heated to uh. 3? or 4? i hate that stoves dont have proper temp markings but thats about as hot as i make mine on whatever arbitrary scale it uses.

at this point you can add in the next optional thing, which is some sort of fat. this can be an oil of your preferred variety (i am canola gang because i like to fry things while also being allergy friendly), or you can just melt some butter which is what i usually do. hell you could use like, lard or crisco if you've watched too many b dylan hollis videos. a fat is a fat. its gonna help cook the bread more evenly, will make its "crust" crispier, and make it taste better.

all you gotta do now us dump your dough onto the pan and let it cook. roughly five minutes per side but you can flip it a few times if you need, just keep an eye on it. you wanna check the edges to make sure the insides are getting properly cooked all the way through, and make sure to press down on it to make sure its making full contact with the heated surface when possible as especially thinner breads can tend to curl up a bit

while its cooking in the pan you can optionally add some shredded cheese onto the bread. i recommend doing this right before adding your dough, and right after, to make sure the cheese gets properly incorporated into each side, but you totally can also just drizzle it on at any stage and let it melt by flipping the bread onto the cheesed side. i use an italian 4 cheese mixture from my cheap local supermarket chain and thats good for the kinda savory flavor i like, but experiment! use one cheese you like, or maybe a different blend (i also really like mexican cheese blends that u use for tacos or burritos).

once the stuffs nicely cooked and browned, its good to eat. i mean its technically been ok to eat this whole time none of the ingredients are necessarily bad to eat raw but obviously you dont wanna shove fistfuls of flour into your maw.

i recommend pairing this with an iced tea of your favorite flavor persuasion as tea is a nice smooth drink you can also make super easily, some refried black beans which you can get in a can super cheap and turn into a nice dip, and some yellow mustard, which honestly goes with this way more than i thought it would by adding a bit of a sour kick which i like. obviously try pairing it with whatever you have in your kitchen, i dont know what you have. maybe you got some eggs that are about to expire and want to make some kinda breakfast bread. maybe you wanna feel that kinda childlike wonder by combining foods so you mix it with some box mac and cheese and ketchup. maybe you splatter some tomato sauce and add some kind of cheese product to make it into a shitty pizza. i have done all of these things and they are certainly all things you can do if you also want to do them

thank you for reading my extremely long recipe post join me next time where i do uhhh. something else maybe. maybe ill do that iced tea method i talked about i feel like for some folks hot tea can be a bit unapproachable and ice tea can feel like its impossible to make but i promise you its way easier than you think

ok bye!! love you

[foosybit]

🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 nobu i love u 🥹🥹

my high score rank is actually embarrassing but i guess it just proves how much dia i needed to burn to get no.11 lol, anyway if ur a loser who likes numbers and letters and wanna see his scr i have a shit ton more to say below

fyi the month range means that i took note of my dia count somewhere within that range (usually near the beginning but sometimes id forget and take note a little later) and the notes is the reason the dia suffered (and not events that happened during that month), and the 2 big "total dia spent" and "net dia lost" only applies to me gettinf 5 copies, not me deciding to burn dia to rank on day 8, which is why that day is below the rest

and i did the event with 55% gacha bonus due to maxxed mama and tatsumi (wataru decided they hate me and want me dead and didnt come home)

while im already rambling, i'll say that i started vipI in september bc i was doing some really bad math in my notebook that showed i needed like 115k dia to get 5 copies even with vipII (i am not a math guy........) and was like "oh man i am not gonna reach that goal by january, i guess if im gonna spend money anyway i'll do a slow trickle instead of dropping everything in january" and then i actually did the event and realized i used less than half of my savings LOL never trust foosy math, that meant i could rank tho :]

but hey if i gain 30k btwn now and mayoi event, i should get 5 copies again with no hiccups hehehehehe and if shu gacha likes me then maybe ill have leftovers to rank again, or at least have enough for yuta whos event is immediately after orz...... yuta my son who hates my guts (did 80 pulls on that fs and didnt get him) and mayoi my beautiful wife who also hates my guts (dont even get me started on mayoi) (122 pulls for his fs to come home)(200 pulls on his dead end land and i still dont have it over a year later)(and mind u that was while the sanrio mayoi was going on. no i still havent forgotten. no i will never forgive happyele for this.) i cant believe the events for the 2 enstars who hate me the most are next to each other, they seriously want me dead

ensemble stars music is my favorite number game 👍

finally heres his cute scr

he looks like a little lemon soda pop 🍋

ok foosy ramblings over i love rambling i can keep talking 4ever

[primordialwhale]

got myself hooked up to a bunch of wires to monitor my heart for 48 hours to see whats up (trying to see if i do indeed have POTS like i think i do) and now that ive got this far im just so worried that everythings just gonna come back......normal. or normal enough to not be of concern yknow??

like idk what i should do to make sure that shit is showing up?? idk if i should be like going out and purposefully doing things i know make my heart go bonkers to be sure to get some readings on this bitch.

like i guess it makes sense to do that yknow dont wanna spend all this money to get nothing and all but also it feels so silly to just be like

ohhhhh here i ammmmm climbing the stairs to my apartment againnnnnn. ohhhhhh im streeeetchingggggggggggg. oooooooooooooooo i walked a little to fast in the storeeeeeeeeeeeeee. hohoho i stood up really fast a bunch of timesssssssssss. teeheeeeee im rolling over in bedddddddddddd. whoops! picked up my caaaaaaatttttttt.

over and over for 48 hours yknow???

but god it took so much to get my doctor to like listen to me and not just write it off as only ""dehydration""

so i gotta minmax my symptoms right??

[magical-glimpse]

I am not seeking any validation. I was wrongly portrayed by someone here. So I just wanted to make my stand clear. That's all. What would I gain by being acknowledged as his tf/fs. Nothing.. Nada.

I think it is a bit harsh to judge a person whom you haven't even met in real life. If being honest felt like I was trying to be a wanna be I don't know what to say.

Earlier I said I was feeling all angsty and heartbeat rising up. I took some time off. I needed some solitude to reevaluate my thoughts. Why would I hate a person who has no idea of my existence? The best thing to do is to detach. I felt better after that.

Everyone is reading only the parts they want to read. It is always the case. He is not even my type. I would rather have chosen Namjoon or yoongi who are actually my type if I wanted to "fantasise" as being a BTS fs . We don't even know if they will ever marry at all. So why JK? I am not someone to fall for all that grandiose.

I don't watch his lives nor his videos nor his interviews. Out of all the lives he has done I have seen maybe one ? Still you say I am obsessed with him. Tell me how?

Aww he is so good looking he sings so good he is good at everything, he is the heartthrob of millions of girls. Let me make him my fs. So that I get some leverage. U think this is the case for me?

Why would I want him as my fs. Is it money? I would rather use mine. I would only want things which I can afford. So pls. Is it the status he holds in society? Again no it is not it. Is it the looks, nope. I am sorry. Also pls don't ever fall for looks guys. It is not everything.

Do I spend hours looking at his photos or videos? again nope. Still there is some undeniable pull. I can't explain. Pls don't start picking me on it. I beg you.

I can't say if I have a connection to him unless I meet him right? I repeat I did not talk like yeah I am his tf what about it. I just wanted to write there (on YouTube) as a warning to other girls who might be having similar experiences to be wary of what they are experiencing and to be mindful and now I am a wanna be??

I don't care if the whole world is against me. If I am truthful to myself it is enough. To people still nitpicking on me I have nothing to say. Pls stop trying to portray someone as this and this when you don't actually know them in person. It is easier to point a finger.

On an ending note I will write a poem here

Can I love you?

Not for what you are;

Not for what you were;

Not for what you are going to be;

Can I love you

For just being you?

Oh! Let us rest for some time,

Letting go of all this chase,

On my mind all day;

Can't free myself from you,

You are the drug that keeps me high;

Baby you are my fantasy,

I am too drunk on your love.

It is a lame poem but I wanted to end this post on a good note. Bye!!

Why do you feel such a need to justify yourself anon ? If you wanted to talk privately with me i can answer not anonymous asks privately and my DMs are open.

The reason why people on the blog currently act about you as if you were a wannabe is because according to all the information you have given them anon, you are one. YOU are the one burying yourself deeper and deeper in your justifications. It would have been enough to just read my PSA silently. If you felt targeted that is between you and your conscience. If you are the person I think you are, i told you specifically what behaviors you had and why they would put you in danger. You chose to act dodgy again, not my problem. You chose to come here multiple times, to justify yourself for no reason, to expect emotional labor from strangers.

Im gonna repeat myself again, but i dont give a shit about what you think or dont think yourself as.I dont give a shit wether you are more attracted to jungkook or yoongi or namjoon. I DONT GIVE A SINGLE FUCK ABOUT YOUR YOUTUBE HISTORY EITHER.

What i care about is your actions. And what you did, anon, is repeatedly come into my asks box bc you felt targeted and wanted to justify yourseld repeatedly for things no one accused you of but your conscience. And if you are the person i think you are, your actions are trying to create "hints" inviting people to think you are jks fs, or at least a bts fs. Repeatedly. I warned you of the risk to be harassed or bullied, of falling into spiritual psychosis or obsession. All the cards are in your hands now.

I will not take this matter publicly anymore. You either come talk privately in my dms or I block you, but I will not play this public,guilty telephone game anymore.

[skateisawesome]

i hate every aspect of my family!

but mostly i despise my selfish, rude, annoying anf disrespectful sister. i try so hard to be good to her and nice and everyone in my whole family just favourites her. they constantly choose her over me and she treats me in the meanest way ever.

she's my least favourite person ever and i hate that. i wanted so bad to have a good sister relationship and she just cant even be somewhat polite to me ever.

i really try so hard to be kind and nice to her, i include her in things and i share my stuff and i always think of her when i'm buying things or when i'm going somewhere. but not once ever has she returned that favour. ever. not in her fourteen years of life has she ever shown any form of kindness to me.

but its also my whole family. my parents buy her more things, they pay more attention to her. my parents actually love her more.

i hate her.

and my brother isnt around enough to make a difference to our family dynamics so of course he doesn't hate her.

i hate her.

i wish she could just once experience some of the horrible treatment that i get on the daily from my family.

so the story time as to why im particularly angry today is because its her birthday. i really dont like birthdays because mine is right around christmas and nobody can justify spending money when christmas is so close. all my presents are either combined or theyre shit. every year my parents ask what i want and every year they get me stuff i dont want or things that are nothing like me. then my sisters birthday rolls around and they get her everything she couldve ever wanted and then more.

plus my parents really love to get her things that i want. posters for my favourite tv show, records of my favourite singers and stuff like that. sure, she likes some of the same stuff but it's usually something that i love so so much and she only dabbles in.

it makes me so angry and upset. but its her birthday, i have to be polite and be kind to her. i want to scream and cry and yell at my parents "do you even know who the fuck i am? why the fuck can't you care about me"

these people are actually the reason i dont wanna be around anymore.

i hate this shit.

fucking hell i can't wait to move out.

[rianafying]

i’m starving and i’m hungover and i’m in trouble. my sd card got corrupted and i might lose all the work i’ve done in january, which is a LOT of work. i just need to talk to my friends. the timing is bad because they’re either at work or asleep rn. i’m about to throw up.

it’s fine i reached them, after they woke up. spoke to friends, i feel better emotionally. but worse physically because it’s been so long since i’ve had some food. any food. there’s so much shit i need to buy but no money to buy them. i’m scared that one of these days i’ll have to resort to ebegging. i don’t want to do that. because im not even doing that bad but i feel terrible. and im prone to heavily catastrophizing every situation im faced with. somehow i have linked this sd card failure to the downfall of my career that i have worked so hard to build. if you dont have catastrophizing anxiety, you dont know what it feels like to imagine every single worst possible outcome and believe it to be true. but somehow throughout my life, it has been. what i feared kept coming true. but fearing it and being paralysed by it, didn’t help my case. apparently it’s in my brain chemistry to do this and also to have chronic pain. apparently there’s something wrong in my hypothalamus, pituitary gland, amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex. they’re are all fucked up and feel wayyy more pain than is ever necessitated. i feel like im spiralling out of control at a faster rate than i can reel it back in. for most of my life ive been getting wounded more than i could heal. and now im limping my way through life, and hating almost every second of it despite trying so hard not to.

i had a full breakdown today, worse than other breakdowns. i feel super defeated. people are being nice to me. somehow that is making me feel even worse. things keep going wrong. there is no escaping tragedy.

day 3 of this same journal entry. i’m officially out of money. even my coins. i have a little bit of usd in my absolute emergency fund, but i really don’t want to have to touch that. i have a week to go before i get paid a bit of money. which will still not be enough because i had to use afterpay to buy some necessary stuff at kmart, and now i have to pay it back. things rlly are tough out here. thinking i should not fix my laptop and instead spend that money like normal. like use it to get by nicely for a while. then what? at what point will i be able to get a real regular job? i found out for sure this month that i can’t make it to work on 25% of days due to my illness. so what work could i do. rlly upset about losing the images on my sd card. i haven’t permanently lost them yet, but, it’s far too expensive to recover. i was considering recovering the data when im in bangladesh but i dont think id trust the data recovery service in dhaka anyway. they’ll probably fail at the task and also ruin my card. things are so wrong rn. my microwave, my pan, my passport, my myki, my financial situation, the burnt skin on my face, my psoriasis and arthritis, my hair situation, my multiple severe nutritional deficiencies and chronic pain, my various mental illnesses, my awful dirty room, my inability to work on any, let alone every, one of these problems. i just get paralysed and bed rot for days. this is officially too much for me. it’s too many things to deal with. i’m not built for even half of this. how can i give up without like kms, like what’s another way to give up? because bed rotting isn’t cutting it. i could really use some help. when i asked for help, my uncle said to visit my friend in sydney, or to visit bangladesh, neither of which is going to actually help my situation, because ill be miserable regardless of where i am, until my problems have been resolved. and both of these things are expensive as fuck, like, what’s a girl supposed to do. i don’t wanna go on a $200 trip to sydney when my sd card requires a $400 data recovery. that’s just the tip of the iceberg that is my situation.

no amount of talking to people, or going on trips is going to solve my problems. which is painful for me to say because i’ve been dying to do something fun for once. not that i don’t have fun in melbourne i do, but that’s cause i try to enjoy work, and romanticise the life i already have. and because im not yet a local local, i can still experience melbourne like a tourist. with fresh eyes. anyway, yeah, im deleting bumble because its stupid, let’s be real im never gonna go on a date w a strangers plus i dont even respond to people because im obviously not ready to actually give this a chance. not yet at least. costar says i let my need for stability stunt relationship growth. but i’m okay with that, or at least i would be if i had any stability. right now i feel like i have the short end of every stick. no it feels like i have no stick at all. the universe or god or whatever is out there is giving me a huge middle finger and laughing at my suffering.

they say that i’m overthinking or that even if there is a problem there’s a solution. what’s the solution to not having enough money to solve my problems? by the time i might have money, these problems will have caused critical damage. what’s the solution to the weight i carry around from never feeling safe or loved my whole entire life. what’s the solution to the mother shaped void in my heart. what’s the solution to the fear of losing my sibling and friends. i cope, and i deal, but it never really goes away. even now as i’ve hit my weekly rock bottom, i’m trying to list things to be grateful for, to see the glass as half full. but i can’t lie, the glass is not half full. i’ve been running on a nearly empty tank for as long as i can remember. even if i somehow manage to get my tank full, there’s like holes in it that can never be permanently patched. i destroy everything i touch, i let down everyone i know, and i keep getting chances. i don’t need another chance. i need a break. i don’t want to prove myself, unless it is to prove that i fail.

i’m told that the broader focus of my life during this time is to clear away built-up structures that have been holding me back. excess is not always abundance. i’m supposed to decide what's worth keeping and what to pass up. apparently my sense of well-being relies on my willingness to seize new opportunities, which is a commendable move for someone who will only settle for all or nothing. “use this moment to streamline your aesthetic by getting rid of excess that no longer gives you pleasure.” this could not be more on the nose. fine i’ll pack some stuff up and head drop it in a donation bin. it will clear up some space in my room too. this might be good. give me some literal and also mental space to work with. also on the nose is “make sure you're not doing that thing where you over-intellectualize your experience, and then convince yourself that you know all the laws of the universe.” okay i get it. thank you for spelling it out for me. maybe now i will finally listen. i’m certainly being spied on. most of life is out of my control but i choose joy.

i couldn’t attend the invasion day protest today because i was on the phone talking a loved one out of killing herself. i shouldn’t feel guilty, it’s not like i had a choice in that scenario. i’m told that in most scenarios, there is no such thing as “fault”. if my goal was to shift blame, i could use all the words in the world to make myself innocent, but that’s not what i want, that’s not what i’m familiar with.

i think that maybe i would like to have a fresh start. i dont know what a fresh start would even look like. to go back in time a couple of years? how many years? at what point was it fresh? go back to when i was born? be born to different people? be a different person? a fresh start to me would be one in which so much is different from how my life is right now, that i don’t know how it would even be mine. this is who i am, all the terrible things that make up, well, me. and a fresh start wouldn’t be me, or it wouldn’t be fresh. i’m stale and im crusty, to the core of my being.

maybe i just need to go on a walk.